#nothing much even happened between us so why do I feel like I got dumped and trodden on?

[pix-writes]

Personal rant/post under cut

So I just got majorly ghosted by this guy who was giving me very flirty vibes, on the same course as me, only to find out he now has a girlfriend and that's why he suddenly stopped replying to my messages and looked all sheepish today on our last day of the course! Tried to not to let it sour the day but honestly I'm a bit cut up about it...

[livingdeadgirlflorette]

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? ₊˚✩⊹ carl grimes x fem!reader

summary : After what happened a few weeks ago, seeing Carl made you anxious. Just looking at him made you ponder what was the thing you had with him. But one visit to a friend of his may just be enough to be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

word count : 4.7k

tags / rundown : average teen angst, fluff, more-than-friends-less-than-lovers trope, glenn and maggie are your substitute parents here, carl has an emotional capacity of a teaspoon, reader and carl are so oblivious oh my word, slight jealous!carl, kissing, sitting on carl's lap, brief mention of teen pregnancy

a / n : hi guys! this is a part 2 for "late night kisses", but it could be read as a stand-alone as well ! i just finished this like 2 hours ago and proofread it, i'm pretty satisfied with how this came out. i really wanted to show how angsty teenager's could be for such trivial things, and i think i showed it pretty well here >_< enjoy reading !

dividers by @cafekitsune 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

PART 1: LATE NIGHT KISSES ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖

With Rick interrupting your whole secret rendezvous with Carl in his bedroom, and practically telling you he knows about you guys— you wonder how bad it really would be if they did find out about you and Carl.

But there was one question that gets under your skin more than anything. It makes you think if anything between the two of you was more than just what you guys were doing. What were you and Carl?

All this time it has been just Y/N and Carl, inseparable, attached to the hip best friends. Just. Friends. That's an interesting way to state the relationship between the two of you, if just friends sneak around and makeout in their bedroom, and If just friends hold eachother at night, looking into each other's eyes lovingly, never wanting it to end.

It makes you concerned also, what did Carl think about the two of you? You don't what to acknowledge it, but it makes you stomach churn thinking that Carl would think you guys were nothing more than friends that kiss one another every once in a while. Thinking about it just puts a crestfallen, depressed look on your face.

"What's got you down in the dumps for?" A voice snaps you out of your mind question of is-Carl-a-friend-or-something-more crisis, remembering where you are. You're at your dining room table, eating breakfast with Glenn and Maggie. Ever since their group came, you became close with them, subconsciously (whether you wanted to or not) growing a familial bond with them.

They told you multiple times that you were welcome to come and go— so whenever you feel like it, you come to them when you have a problem, or you just don't want to interact with other teenagers in Alexandria. They get too posh-sounding when they talk about trivial things for your liking.

"Oh its uh— y'know it's just nothing." You dismiss the brunette woman's question. Since you and Carl didn't want anybody to know about the two of you, you decided to keep it a secret. And it would be a shame for the both of you if all of that came crashing down just 'cause Maggie had asked why you looked so sad.

"Well nothing doesn't make you of all people look so depressed. Why don't you go to your little boyfriend? He always puts a smile on that face." Glenn suggests, using a teasing sound for the question. You know he's just trying to make you feel better, but the mention of Carl just makes you even more down trodden. But you quickly realize what Glenn titles him as.

With an seemingly unstoppable flush blooming on your face, you quickly try to defend yourself, trying to save face.

"He's not my boyfriend, nor am I his girlfriend. We're nothing really, just friends." You argue. Saying that makes your heart break a little, even if you don't want it to. You play with the food on your plate, seeming uninterested. You just want to curl up into a ball and let time pause for a minute. Everything is just too much right now.

"He may not be your boyfriend per se, but he sure does act like one." Glenn counters, smiling knowingly. Despite every molecule and fiber of your being wanting to defend yourself, he was right. Carl did tend to have tendencies towards you that were too close for comfort on being the role of a lover.

If you ever mentioned a food you'd been missing, or an item so specific that you'd been missing in general, he'd get it for you and act all nonchalant and dismissive when you'd ask how the hell did he get it from (but he'd never tell you how he had almost got surrounded by a herd of walkers trying to get it for you). He would put his hand, hovering ever so slightly on your back when going through a crowded group or when he's behind you.

"We're uhm— I dunno. We're something." You say, moving food around your plate, showing signs of boredom, but no amount of uninterest in your body language could mask the sad look on your face. As much as your answer was adding nothing to the conversation, what you said was sincere. What really were you two? Friends don't sneak into the other's room at night, friends don't straddle each other, and friends definitely don't lock lips with each other. It stumped you, if you were going to be honest.

"Well figure that something out with the boy, okay? It's disheartening watching the two of you walk around like sad little puppies all the time." Glenn finalizes, he finishes his plate of food and walks over to the sink. Unknowingly to him, what he had said made you perplexed. Carl was also blue? As much as it made you feel empathetic for him, it made you wonder why he was also feeling like he had his heart punched out of his chest. You thought what you were feeling was just you, but with him also feeling upset over it, it kind of made you guilty 'cause it felt good knowing that what you were feeling was mutual.

"I actually have an idea, but it's not one of my most proudest. . ." You barely let out, feeling all shy now that you realize you're gonna say it out loud. Glenn was washing his dish, but he turned his head to the side to share a look of curiousity with his wife. They both looked back at you, silently tell you to go on.

"I'm gonna talk to Mikey. He seems to know Carl well enough, and I think maybe he could help me." Without skipping a beat, Maggie had paused the spoon with food that was about to go into her mouth and Glenn paused his movements before they continued doing their actions.

You know it was a silly conclusion, but with all the mood swings you were getting from avoiding Carl, desperate times call for desperate measures. You figured you had no choice anymore, and this was the only thing you thought of. Ever since Carl and his group had been recruited by Aaron, Mikey and the other teens seemed to have grown close with him, and you concluded that maybe he'd know if Carl was acting strange and if he had maybe, possibly told him about you.

But before that ridiculous thought, you pondered if maybe Enid could help you with this debacle, but you know she wouldn't be all that comfortable sharing feelings like that, and she wasn't a person that you could talk to about it. You also knew she'd thank you for saving her from that talk about how Carl made you feel all mushy inside.

Is it a stupid and dumb idea? yes— but as you said yourself, desperate times call for desperate measures. The married couple share a uncertain look with each other, but decide silently they wouldn't press too hard about it.

"And uh, how do you think Carl would feel about that? Y'know, going behind his back and all that?" Maggie suggests, finally finishing her last spoonful before standing up to go to where Glenn is at the sink.

You also thought that while thinking of a solution, but you figured that it would be better off if Carl didn't know. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

"I . . . I uh– actually don't plan on telling him about it, I don't think he needs to know." You're not really sure if does, also it would be a hell of a lot embarrassing knowing Carl knows that you asked one of his friends about what he thought of you.

"Well, if you're gonna do that just make sure you make it right, okay? He seems like he wouldn't be too grumpy about that, but maybe a little." Maggie tries assuring you, standing up and brushing you hair in passing.

What she says gives you a little assurance, but it doesn't outweigh the fact that you're about to lie to Carl; not by saying something but the opposite actually. Lying by omission had never felt so burdening.

"I'll try." You finish you last spoon and head to the sink. Glenn and Maggie seemed to be readying to go outside. Maybe they were going on a walk together? You're not sure.

"Good. Also don't forget to dry that plate okay? You're thinking too much. From what i've read, it's bad for pretty girls." Glenn tries to joke with you, but it doesn't really work. You thank him for that, despite all the teenage angst you're going through, he still wants to put a smile on your face. It makes you heart feel a little lighter.

"I got it, now go away. Let me wallow in my self pity while I wash the dishes." You joke back with them, both parties laughing a little. Even if you're still feeling bad, all that pep talk with them gave you a feeling of determination. You had to get to the bottom of this before it all came crashing down before you.

You look back at the couple, seeing them walk out the door hand in hand with one another, having such a caring gaze for each other. Observing them made you question you and Carl. Did you want that with him? And if you did, did he also feel the same?

Walking to Mikey's house was an interesting experience, to say the least. With a mantra of affirmations in your mind that spans to saying "everything is gonna be okay" , "don't panic, it's not a big deal" and rubbing your hands up and down your arms a dozen times you're sure you could start a fire by doing it, you finally reach Mikey's house.

It helps you realize you don't even have a plan on what to say. Really, what were you gonna say? 'Hey Mikey, I just wanted to know if Carl said anything about me? Not to dump anything on you but i've been sneaking into his room and making out with him these past few months and his father caught us 2 weeks ago and now im panicking.'?

You rethink your choices, starting to backtrack your decision. But sometimes you just have to calm down— grin and bear it for the sake of needing to get to the bottom of this, before you spiral into a fit of hysteria and isolation.

Your knocks on the door are firm but hesitant, and not long after you see your friend's familliar face. Mikey seemed surprised, and you understood why. You guys were never really that close with one another, with you choosing to hang out with Enid (cause she seemed to understand you too) and him hanging out with Carl and the other boys in the walls. It's justified that he'd be looking like a deer in headlights at the sight of you at their front door.

"Oh, you're the last person I expected to see here. Not in a bad way though, heh. Hey Y/N, you need anything?" Even with the shocked feeling he has, he seems to recover it quickly, putting on a more welcoming, friendly expression.

"Yeah actually, uh— can I come in? I need to talk to you about someone, privately." Your voice comes out meek, frazzled because you haven't really thought out how this conversation would go.

"Uh yeah sure! Come in, come in. I'll uh- I'll ask my father if he's fine with it though, he's just out back and I think he'd be fine with having you over. While i'm talking to him, make yourself at home, okay?" Mikey scrambles to get his words out, it's obvious he feels awkward. But it doesn't stop him from trying to just make it seem like two friends (that's pushing it, better word for you and him would be acquaintances) hanging out. You thank him silently for that, trying to make it seem less awkward than it actually is.

With him going out the back door, you're left to your own devices in his living room. You look around, and there doesn't seem to be anything that interesting. It just looks like any other upper-class house you'd see in Alexandria.

You try to make yourself feel home, sitting down on the couch. Moving from multiple positions on the comfortable cushions, you give up and just fiddle with your fingers. For what feels like an eternity, in his living room, Mikey and his father come in and his father greets you in passing before settling in a chair in the kitchen, busy doing something you can't really see. But before you can really think about it, Mikey comes in and sits next to you.

"I have a glimmer of an idea on why you're here, but I won't say anything unless you want me to." Mikey leans back, getting comfortable. You're confused. How would he of all people know what you were gonna tell him about? It made you feel like you should bite the bullet and ask.

"No it's okay, I wanna know." You urge him. If he did know about who you were gonna talk about, how obvious were the two of you?

"I'm guessing it's because of a certain long haired boy? Just a guess though." His words seem to say he's just guessing, but his tone says otherwise. He sounded teasingly, like he knew something you didn't.

"Shit, was it that obvious? It's just— okay let me think about it, I'm just confused. He seems like he cares about me, but he never really wanted to talk about us. Like what we were. We're something, well we were." That's all you could say before your mind went blank. Thinking about all this is making you go stupid at this point.

"Well since you both seem and look like trainwrecks, i'll talk for you." Mikey knew what you needed right now, and that was for someone to tell you just straight up what was happening.

"You and Carl aren't just friends, okay? You and him may think that, but friends don't act like that with each other and act like it's nothing." Your friend's word seem to reach to you, telling you what needed to be done.

"We're friends, right? You and me? We don't do that. That's different. You and him have something different than friends. It's more than that, Y/N. And if you can't get that through your thick head, i'm not sure how you'll end up." Mikey finishes. He thinks his words got to you, and it did. You feel grateful, really. Despite it being blunt and straightforward, you got the message he was trying to send. You know what you have to do now.

"Wow, that's— huh. Thanks for that, Mikey. It means a lot, even if you unintentionally did refer to me as a numbskull." The joke you let out lightens the mood, putting a mood on both of your expressions. You realize you're lucky to have a friend like Mikey, he's not afraid to tell you straight up when you need something said.

"So since that's out of the way, wanna play videogames? I got something you might like." Mikey suggests. Even if you weren't that close to him, he still wanted to be civil with you. Given his inquiry, you didn't think it would hurt to play videogames with him, even if it was just for an hour or two.

You follow him up the stairs, but before you could make it up halfway with him, a firm knock at the door stops the both of your movements. You look at eachother, obviously curious.

"Stay here. It's probably just my father's friend or something asking about him."

He jogs down the steps, hesitant to open it but when he does, his shoulders drop in relief.

"Oh Carl, what are you doing here? You need something?" Mikey asks. With the stairs directly in front of the door, you tilt your head to the side, to see the long-haired brunet you'd been avoiding all this time.

"I was looking for Y/N actually, have you seen her?" Carl was asking. He seemed urgent, with a frantic aura to him, but his face was controlled. Before Mikey could answer Carl had finally found you, catching your gaze. You were on the stairs, looking like a deer in headlights. How did he know you were here? But weird enough, why does he look so rushed?

Carl seemed as confused as you. Why were you with Mikey? Why were you guys alone together? And why does it look like you were just going down from his room? Too many questions and no answers was gonna send Carl into a downward spiral. All these thoughts and no conclusion. He'll have to ask you later, 'cause he's going to die surely if it eats away at him from the fact that he'll keep thinking about it. It makes him feel such an unfamilliar feeling that he hasn't felt in a while; like venom coursing in his veins and his blood piping hot, he knew it in himself that he was jealous.

"Oh she's right here actually," Mikey turns so his body's facing you slightly. "You need her right now?" Mikey's question is starting to sound a lot more like earlier, with and underlying tease and knowing look.

Carl seems to pause at the question. Mikey's simple question feels like a more complicated one to him. To explain how much he needs her, he'd have to dive into an ocean's worth deep of words he's been meaning to say. But he'd rather open that can of feelings another time, preferrably with Y/N. Right now, all he wants to do is to speak with her.

"Yea can I actually talk to her? It's important." No matter what Mikey says, either way he'll get Y/N out of that house. It's killing him inside, he doesn't know why you've been so distant lately. The variable of your presence becoming absent in his routine for the past few weeks has left him dumbfounded. He needed to know what was wrong— or else it'll destroy him.

Before Mikey could even utter a proper response, Carl pushes past him and grabs your arm firmly, but gentle enough that he doesn't hurt you. His action befuddles you. First; he looks like a headless chicken trying to find you, and second; he's dragging you out of Mikey's house hurriedly. What could be so urgent that he needed to up and pull you out?

Your heart was in your mouth, unable to say anything. What would you say even? Carl was pulling you out of Mikey's house, and to the direction of his, were you supposed to ask why? You were frazzled, but all you could think about was how careful he was holding you hand. By the time he dragged you out of the house, his hand intertwined with yours, be it a habit or reassurance to him. That simple action made your heart leap out of you chest.

With the brisk pace he was walking with, you made it to his porch in record time. To add more flush to your cheeks, you see his father, Rick at the porch steps— looking at you both knowingly. It seems like he could tell you were tongue tied, and chose not to say anything else to save you the embarrassment (he'd do it later instead).

Walking quick to his room, he pulls you in and locks the door. He turns to you, standing face to face. You want to say something, so badly. But knowing if you would, you'd open up a pandora's box worth of words you'd been meaning to say. So you start slow.

"I wanna start off with i'm sorry, okay? Listen, it's just i'm really worried about us," Carl softens his gaze and walks closer to you. "—and I don't even know what we are anymore."

He grabs your hand and aligns it with his. "What are we, Carl?" As you ask, you watch him. It's cute, watching him observe your hand difference. It's as if he's trying to stall what storm is about to come. He then close his hand, intertwining it between the gaps of yours.

"We're friends, right?" He assures, he looks so pitiful, eyes pleading with you not to let this dam of unspoken words open into a whirlwind of emotions he desperately wanted not to let out.

"Are we really?" You barely say above a whisper. Are you really just friends? With all that happened with you and him, you guys are just platonic? It makes your heart shatter thinking that.

"Carl what you do— what we do isn't just friends. I'm sorry but I can't deal with it if it's just being friends with you." Your face falters, showing a more betrayed expression.

Carl thinks he's pathetic. He swore to himself that he'd never let anyone or anything make you upset, but he never thought he would be the cause of it. It makes his eyes teary, but he'd rather get eaten alive by walkers than show you how much he's been holding in.

"I. . ." Carl hesitates. ". . . I don't want to be just friends with you." Him confessing that makes you doe-eyed, what did he mean by that?

"It's just— everyone I love always leaves." Before he can even register it, his hot tears spill out of his eyes. He's embarrassed, and looks down to hide it.

"I can't lose anybody else." Despite him looking down and his voice low, it's enough for you to hear. You felt stupid now. All this time he was trying to protect you. He felt as if he was magnet of death and chose to love and cherish you from a distance instead, no matter how much it makes his heart feel unsatisfied.

"I— I can't anymore." Carl barely says between his cries. Carl felt silly. Here he was, crying in front of the person he wanted and needed so badly just because he couldn't possibly have her. If he had to choose one word to name his state right now, it would be desperate.

But what you do next is something he never expected you would do. You use your free hand to lift his chin up and wipe away at his tears, still looking at his teary-eyed gaze. Your other hand that was holding his closes, finally reciprocating the action. And what you say next sends his heart going a hundred miles per minute.

"I'm not leaving anytime soon, okay? I care about you too much to do that."

Carl felt special. The one and only person he genuinely wants to be with feels the same, the feeling was mutual. All of it makes his heart feel like it's gonna jump out of his throat. With hesitant movement, you chastely kiss the stains that had been left from his sobbing. Everything Carl was feeling right now made him so overjoyed, it made him lethargic.

With a hesitant hand, he returns the action by caressing the side of your face, looking into your gaze before nervously asking her what he's been meaning to say all this time.

"I love you, okay? I wanna be—" He sighs before he could finish, and shuts his eyes in focus before opening them to look at you once again. He's hesitant, would him saying this ruin everything? You look to him curiously. What now?

"I wanna be your boyfriend." He concludes. All of a sudden you feel your body feel so much lighter. Him stating that made you feel so happy, wanting to jump for joy 'cause everything was going right.

Carl looked nervous, like he would break any second. It was adorable, really. Normally you would be the one doe-eyed and shy from your interactions, but now the roles reversed. You figured it wouldn't be so bad, him looking like that, eyes glassy and pitiful. You couldn't deny how even in his state, he looks so cute.

". . .Okay." You finally say as you smile. The moment you say that, it's like a switch flips with him. He still looked teary-eyed, but he looks ten times more happy. He holds you face in his free hand and asks the other question he's been dying to ask.

"That's— that's great! I- uhm, can I kiss you?" Nervous and skittish, he manages to let out a jumble of words. Even so, you vehemently nod at him.

Carl goes in slowly, trying to gauge your reaction, eyes going to your lips then to you, before he goes in completely to close the space. It feels like heaven, his lips on yours. Just like clockwork, his hands hesitate on your waist. It makes you relax, knowing no matter how many times you kiss, he'll always end up bashful. It makes you smile into the kiss.

Feeling bold, you gently push him back on the edge of his bed, making him sit while you hover on him to keep you as close to him as you need to. He looks so perfect; him sitting on the edge of his bed, looking up at you, pleading eyes begging for you to come back into his space.

With languid, calculated movements, you place yourself on one of his thighs and go back in to capture his lips with yours again. He blushes at this; with the extended amount of time you'd been apart from one another, he's gonna have to get used to you all over again and your touch.

But just like last time you saw each other, you get interrupted. You both hear a loud, firm knock, before an unnecessary amount of wriggling of the door.

You practically jump off one another, before you both come up to the door, with you slightly behind Carl.

The door unlocks and you expect to see Rick, but unexpectedly, you're met with Michonne at the entrance.

"You kids good in there? You seemed pretty silent." Michonne asks. She seemed to know what was going on, but proceeded to ask anyway.

"Yeah– uh-huh, I was just talking to her uh– Y/N." Carl quickly says. But his defense seems to make it a whole lot worse.

"Oh you're talking. All right, i'll stop buggin' ya. Enjoy your talk." Michonne looks at you, letting your already flushed face get even warmer from the implications she was trying to tell you, and then to Carl, who was trying to regulate his breathing, all while Michonne was growing a smirk on her face. She proceeds to close the door, leaving you and him to bask in the shy atmosphere that had been created.

". . .So you wanna make out some more?" You ask. You know you should be shy about it, but there's no use beating around the bush, especially when you want him to touch you so badly all over again.

"Hell yeah." Carl says before grabbing you by the waist and kissing your lips once again. Kissing you with your hands on his shoulders and his hands rubbing circles on your waist, he knows one thing for sure.

He'll never get tired of this.

BONUS ೀ⋆⑅˚

"Oh they're smooching it on alright." Michonne reports to Rick, seemingly teasing the teen pair that wasn't there to defend themselves.

He had asked her if she could go up and see what they were doing, not that he didn't trust his son and his friend or whatever she was to him, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to make a precaution. They didn't want another baby Judith situation after all.

"Ah. . . good, thanks." Rick looks back at Michonne then to the neighbourhood. He has an unreadable expression on his face. Michonne takes note of this, though.

"Trust me, with how shy Y/N is and how emotionally constipated your son is, you won't have to worry about another baby Jude in a good long while." She pats his back, reassuring him.

He silently thanks her, trying to believe what she's saying. But with how loose discipline is with the state of the world, He doesn't know how much that statement holds up when none of them know what they're like behind closed doors.

You'll never know until you find out.

oh wow, this one was a long fic, huh? I hope the wait was worth it guys, I really liked how this turned out ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و also the end bonus was just a silly little thing, i'm not sure if I would want to expand on it, it was just a throwaway line that sounded ominous and i'm a sucker for that :3 anyways ty for all of the support you've been giving me, I can't believe it honestly— I just want to thank all of you lovelies ! stay tuned and tell me if you want to be tagged next time I post !

what did you think ? don't be a silent reader and let me know ! °ʚ(´꒳`)ɞ°

tags : @carlslvr

[midnightsimpsstuff]

WILDLOWER

WILDFLOWER by Billie Eilish

Spencer Reid x reader

Warning: angst, hurt/comfort (promise), JJ's confession to Spencer, toxic friendship, mention of break ups, happy ending.

Summary: After JJ confesses to Spencer that she is in fact in love with him, he is stuck in a tight spot and doesn’t want the reader to find out because you never knew he liked JJ so he broke up with you with no explanation. Because you are friends with JJ you happened to go to her to cry about the breakup not knowing she’s at fault.

A/n: I found out what Wildflower by Billie Eilish was truly about and I fell in love with the idea so I wrote something with the plot, so enjoy! LOL. There might be a part two so look out for that.

Word Count: 2.3k

Comments, shares and rebloggs are appreciated! :))

Had to add the inspiration ;)

You were walking back home, and your heart was more than broken, you didn’t think anything could be worse than this. Everything was fine before Spencer had gone on that stupid case! You knew he was kidnapped during it, you knew he wouldn’t want to tell you what happened but to break up? That was too far.

You took some time of work, you couldn’t go on, not in this state, your friend JJ, who had even introduced you to Spencer was the only friend of yours that didn’t have work at that moment, she was given a leave for reasons she hadn’t told you.

That was what brought you to her couch watching rom-coms, taking tubs of ice creams at once you just finished crying your eyes out on her shoulder, when you told her about how Spencer just dumped you for absolutely no reason, you felt as she tensed up. You were no profiler but you knew that she knew why but you won’t push her to tell you, in case it was a touchy subject and she kicks you out of her house.

Meanwhile, JJ knew she had never felt more guilty in her life, not when she returned home and she had to hug her kids and sleep side by side with Will, not telling him about the case a she usually would, not when she imagined Spencer was at her side not Will, or her kids looked like Spencer or how much they loved Spencer, and she wished she had known Spencer loved her back then she knew everything would be different.

She didn’t think Spencer would break up with you, it was a life or death situation there was nothing she could do but tell him, she felt instantly better when the burden was off her shoulders, she didn’t one bit think about how it could affect him, how it could affect you.

She comforted you though, trying to take her mind away from how you would act when you find out what she said, what she did, how it was her fault, all her fault, how you didn’t deserve this. You were a perfect fit for Spencer. You let him talk without interruptions, you didn’t use him to make your work easier, you didn’t give him sneaky insults or once tell him to shut up, but she did and she didn’t deserve the kindness both of you showed her endlessly.

You had gone home around the time Will had come back from work, JJ’s face was stuck on a look of despair, she made you feel better sure but when you told her ‘Thank you so much, Jenny. You know exactly how to make me feel better, you’re an awesome person and friend. Good Night!’ she froze at the door as she closed it watching you drive away with your car.

It wasn’t fair on you, she felt like shit, Will had noticed her weird mood and tried to confront her about it but she lashed out at him and went straight to her room. Discarding the takeout that Will had gotten from her and their kids’ favourite store she couldn’t help but subconsciously think about Spencer bringing you home takeout from your favourite food store if not for her and her big mouth.

She should have never loved him in the first place, especially since she got you both together.

Spencer and JJ had returned back to work the two weeks after, everyone in the BAU saw the change in dynamic between both of them, and they noticed Spencer’s mood had ultimately dampened and his migraines weren’t the only reason.

Spencer had suffered the two weeks without you, it was just taking a break from each other, and he secretly hoped you would find out what JJ had said so you would understand that it wasn’t his fault.

Your heart would be crushed and his and your friendship would be crushed, because you would have asked him if he loves JJ back and he honestly doesn’t know. He loves her as a friend for sure but as more? He’s not sure.

He already knew he was going to go over to your place that evening and explain everything to you, he had a feeling you didn’t know if not you would have barged into here a long time ago. He knows you, you don’t know how to keep your anger in check you would have come to confront her right there right then.

He let out a soft sigh. It was lunch break now, he had already ordered the flowers you adored so much to your house. When you get back from work you would see them and when you change and get comfortable you would see him. Hopefully, you would take him back even though he knew that was unlikely he really hurt you.

As he was about to get to his seat, JJ stopped him and he couldn’t help the eye roll he did, he wasn’t on the best terms with her at the moment he was going to make up with her when he has completely made up with you.

“Spencer, I am so sorry about your breakup, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” JJ had started with not noticing how loud she had said it now everyone was listening to them but they didn’t make it obvious.

His eyebrows furrowed, not only because of her pitch but also how did she know? “How do you know, I never told anyone that-“ then it clicked. He never knew she had it in her to be this much of a bitch. But he didn’t want to jump into conclusions.

“She told you didn’t she? But did YOU tell her?” He didn’t care if anyone heard at this point he was pissed. Really? Confess your love to your friend’s boyfriend and comfort her about him.

“I am sorry about everything about everything but you know I couldn’t do that to her.” JJ looked down to the floor in shame, her eyes were watering but she knew she didn’t have the right to be crying at that moment. He couldn’t believe he thought he loved her.

He walked away from her, he looked angrier that before but that subsided when he realised he could go home. He had never done anything as fast in his life, he packed his bag, practically ran out then began driving straight to your house.

You had just arrived at home seeing a huge bouquet of your favourite flowers at your front your door you knew who it was from. You unconsciously smiled before your face dropped remembering the break up, you sighed before carrying it inside your house. Dropping it on your coffee table, you realised it had a note but you weren’t in the right frame of mind to read it yet.

You went to quickly shower, change into something by far more comfortable. Before plopping on your couch, deciding to read the note.

            Dear Y/N it was inconsiderate of me to break up with you without explaining first, I am coming over after work to explain everything to you. If you don’t want me to come over just text me. Love you, Spencer.

It wasn’t his handwriting, he must have sent it over, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Funny of him to think you still had his number.

As you began watching something on your TV, you heard your doorbell ring, you went to open it.

“Start talking bitch.”

You sat on the chair opposite Spencer, he had just finished explaining everything to you and your mouth was currently agape. You began backtracking you finally understood. That’s why her body kept going rigid.

She loved Spencer. She had a husband yet she loved Spencer. She had kids yet she loved Spencer. Spencer had a girlfriend yet she loved Spencer. Spencer’s girlfriend was someone she considered a best friend yet she loved Spencer. She was extremely beautiful, knew Spencer way longer than you and Spencer once liked her like seven years ago and now she was in love with him. Spencer is the godfather of her child and she loves him?!

You were no more shocked, the reality of the situation was dawning on you, softly laughing to yourself about everything. “You don’t love her back, right?” you didn’t know what you would do if he said he does but the moment the question came out of your mouth. Spencer shouted no so loud you flinched.

His face was now pink from embarrassment, “No, I don’t, not anymore, not again it’s just you I love and want to love.” He said meeting your eyes with a smile.

His eyes began doing that drawing in puppy dog eye thing it usually did when he wanted to get something he wanted, you knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it sure felt like he did because how could you not take him back when he is doing his face that way.

You walked over to him, your face was neutral, and he didn’t know what you were going to do. When you stood beside him you held his face, caressing his skin as he looked up at you his eyes still doing the thing. You slapped him really hard, “That’s for hurting my heart for the past two weeks.” Then you crouched down to him giving him a passionate kiss. “That’s because you went out of your way to explain and apologize and because I love you.

His face still hurt but he was sincerely happier now he had you back. You went away to get your phone to send a quick message to JJ.

‘We need to talk, come over tomorrow.” you sent her. You gave your phone to Spencer so he could see the message. His face visibly tensed, “Are you ending your friendship with her?” he asked. He’d feel pretty bad, you two have always been so close.

“No, we just need to talk some things through. Don’t worry my love” you said as you took a seat in his lap and as he drew circles on your thigh.

“Should I end my friendship with her?” Spencer asked shyly, he felt like you would say no but he did really value JJ as a friend so it might hurt a bit.

“Do you want to?” you asked him, you were just playing with him finding it funny as his face began changing from thoughtful to fear. He felt like it was a trick.

He feebly nodded, you smiled “Then no, Spencer. That won’t be fair on you. You two have been friends longer than I knew you” you told him while looking at him with love.

Everything was better and looking up for you.

But with JJ she felt her heart leap out of her chest as she read your message, she just read it again and again and again. The face of Spencer’s fury and your sad face was in her head she didn’t know what to do she didn’t want to lose any of you but she knew what was coming.

She just came between a good relationship because of her stupid feelings. She would have cried even more if she wasn’t tired of crying.

After getting the message from you she got enough courage to tell Will about everything. He reacted better than she thought he would have, although he was mad. When she had assured him she doesn’t love him anymore and only loved Will. He wasn’t so mad anymore but he asked for a bit of space because the way she had been neglecting him throughout the weeks she was at home and he said it’s best she knows what it felt like a bit.

JJ without fail had come to your home the next day, immediately after work. Texting Will about where she would be. She didn’t get a response though he left her on read, but she understood she had hurt many people and it was beginning to come on her.

You opened the door smiling at her. JJ wanted to cry, why were you smiling, did you not know, did you know and weren’t angry, she doesn’t know whether you and Spencer got back together. But she knew she couldn’t take it any longer.

“Y/N, I have something to tell you…” she stated while motioning her head inside as if asking if she could come in. You moved away so she could seat in on your couch.

You already knew and you felt touched she wanted to come clean. You looked at her expectantly waiting for her to speak.

“I confessed my love to Spencer on our last case, I think that’s why you two broke up.” She was fiddling with her ring.

“I already apologized to him, and to Will and I felt it’s time to apologize to you, I don’t want to lose any of you. I am so sorry I got you two together, I am sorry I pulled you both apart, I am sorry you trusted me enough to cry to me about what happened. I don’t deserve you.”

When she finally looked up at you, she realised you didn’t look angry. “Spencer told me.” You said. She felt something in her stomach drop. “You knew the whole time?” she asked, now she felt this was a plan for you to become the next unsub.

But instead your eyes widened, “No, he told me yesterday. Relax.” You said rubbing her back.

“I forgive you don’t worry. I want my friend back. You two hugged and she held unto you tighter than she had ever done before. Spencer watched you two from the kitchen.

This is how it’s meant to be.

[awkness]

Serial killer! Platonic! Yandere Older Brother & Genderneutral Teenage Reader (Part 2)

(Part 1) (Part 3)

As reader tries to adjust to their new life without their father, a number of concerning incidents occur, including off-putting behavior from your brother, prevents that from happening. But despite everything, you make a new friend. Surely, this can only mean good things for you, right? Things must be looking up!

Content warnings: implied murder, manipulation, domestic abuse, briefly mentioned alcoholism and child abuse, and general yandere shenanigans. If I missed anything here, please let me know :3

Authors note: lmao I have no excuse for being this late I'm just slow. This was originally supposed to be the last chapter but it got too long so I had to split it up. It feels like a bit of filler but I promise we'll get to the good stuff soon it just needs some set up. Part 3 should be the last part so I'll try not to be too slow uploading (<- lying)

There were very few things about your father you liked, but his house was one of them. It was something he had inherited from his father, who Ben would inherit as soon your father could be pronounced legally dead. It came with a master bedroom, two normal bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, a kitchen, the basement, and an attic.

The attic was something you had always been fascinated with as a child. It was spacious, fully insulated and even had an openable window. It could have been a bedroom all on its own. As a child, you had often daydreamed of moving your stuff up there, utilizing the bigger space for blanket forts and storing all the toys your little heart could desire. In reality, it was used in the same way the basement was, except it stored much more valuable items. Holiday decorations, clothes, old valuables that had no room to be displayed, and whatever family heirlooms your late father kept were shoved up above your head, taking space that could have been used for you. You had thought you had grown out of this fantasy, content with the room you had, but with your father gone and your brother running the house, the childhood dream had crept its way back into the front of your mind, tempting you with visions of a bigger, cooler room.

So, after working up the courage, you finally asked Ben if you could move up there. It surprised you just how easily he said yes.

And now you're here, Ben helping you sort through trash and treasure alike as you both clear out the room.

You pulled an unlabeled box from the seemingly endless pile, the top covered in dust and cobwebs. You try not to think about how many spiders are in the room with you now. Cleaning them out will be a trouble for another day.

The box opens easily, cardboard weak from age, a musty smell emanating from within. You look inside, only to be left dumbfounded. Why were there women's clothes in here?

"Hey, Ben, do you know whose clothes these are?"

Ben looks up from his own box, a vaguely confused look on his face. As he makes his way towards your box, you watch it drop into a frown.

"Those are moms."

"Oh." Is all you can say.

An awkward moment passes between you two as Ben stares into the box, face strange as he becomes lost in thought. You decide to break the tension.

"Why do you think he kept them?"

He looks away from the box and towards you, his body slowly beginning to relax.

"He was always a sentimental man, I guess that's reason enough for him."

You let out a snort. "What's there to be sentimental over? She cheated on him, divorced him, and then dumped us on him. She's not exactly a woman worth pining over."

"I'm not arguing with you, but you remember how he was. Couldn't ever let anything go."

He began rummaging through it, quickly getting to the bottom before closing it back up.

"Nothing but clothes. We should probably donate this."

You give a nod as you watch him put it in the growing donation pile. That was going to be such a pain to bring down to the car.

Instead of thinking about that, though, you turn your head to the box that Ben was searching through before you called him over.

"Is this one mom's too?"

Before you get an answer, you take a peek inside, only to once again be at a loss for how something like this could be in your home.

Inside was an assortment of strange objects. A broken polaroid camera, a stained photo album, and an array of metal objects like locks, deadbolts, and... were those shackles?

Before you could make out any more objects, Ben had made his way to you and reached over to close the flaps of the box.

"I doubt it, probably just more junk he couldn't throw away."

He turned around to you and smiled, hands holding the flaps shut.

"Want to do me a favor and go start bringing the donation boxes to the car?"

"Ugh, why do I have to bring them down?"

"Because you're the one who wanted to move up here."

You glared at him as his smile turned into an amused smirk, before you finally gave a huff and picked up a box from the pile.

"Jerk."

"Brat." The smile never left his face.

With only moderate trouble, you navigated your way down the stairs and out the door, making your way to the car. Unfortunately, you had only realized you forgot the keys when you tried to open the door to pop the trunk open.

You quietly mumble curses under your breath as you set the box next to the car, ready to make the trip back inside. Instead, you go completely still as you catch a look at the people across the street.

It was a small group of high schoolers your age, maybe older, who go to your school. They were standing the the yard across the street, a few houses down, talking together to throwing glances in your direction. Your ears strain as they try to make out their incoherent babble. They couldn't have known about your situation, could they? Or at least, what the official story was. It had been over a month since that happened, it doesn't make sense that they would be talking about it now. But you were just moving boxes out of the house such a short time after it happened. That looks suspicious, doesn't it? Of course it does. Why did you have to ask to move into the attic now?

You had been standing like a deer in headlights, openly staring for what felt like minutes before one of them seemingly made eye contact with you. You avert your gaze down as you feel your cheeks grow hot and your hands grow sweaty. A chorus of laughter erupts from the group.

Without thinking, you rush up to the door, fling it open, and slam directly into Ben as he was carrying. You hear it hit the floor as you speed walk past him.

"Wha- Hey! (Y/N)! What happened?"

You didn't reply. You barely even heard his words. Panic had fully taken over and kept you moving away from Ben, away from the door, away from the outside world, and all the judgemental people it contained.

You finally make it to your room, shutting the door behind you, and seating yourself on your bed, trying to get your bearings. 

Tears begin stinging your eyes as your shaky hands try and wipe them away. You wonder if they were still laughing at you.

A soft knock comes from your door, and your body shrinks inward, unprepared for the upcoming talk.

"Kid? Can I come in?"

You don't reply. You know Ben is going to come in anyway.

He waits a beat before opening the door, his face the picture of concern. His footsteps are quiet, and his movements gentle as he sits next to you. You find your body leaning away from him.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

You shrug, turning your head away from him. Even if you did want to talk, you couldn't trust your voice right now.

"Alright, that's fine, we can figure it out together. Was it something to do with mom's clothes?"

You don't move. Maybe if you don't answer, he'll leave and let you deal with your embarrassment in peace.

"The attic?"

A pause.

"Something in the box you were carrying...? Or maybe something outside?"

You stiffen, and immediately try to make yourself relax. Maybe he didn't notice?

"Does this have something to do with the neighbors?"

Oh. Nevermind.

Despite your best efforts, your body language must have given you away again. You hear the bed creak as he gets up, the blinds rustling a moment later as he gives a huff.

"It's those kids across the street, isn't it?" His voice takes on an edge of irritation, and you feel yourself curl inwards again.

The bed shifts as he takes his seat next to you again, a comforting hand placed on your shoulder. His voice takes on the softer quality it had before.

"I can't help you if you don't help me, kid. Did they talk to you?"

You shake your head, trying to talk, but finding the words stuck in your throat.

"They-" Your voice falters and you clear your throat, barely able to speak above a whisper.

"They didn't have to. I could see them looking at me and laughing, I knew they were talking about me, just like all the neighbors do whenever they see us. It's like they know. And these-"

You sniff, snot beginning to run and throat burning as you talk. Ben squeezes your shoulder, and you continue.

"These people go to my school, Ben. They know me. When I have to go back, they'll talk and tell everyone and the whole school will know what happened. They'll treat me different, they'll ask questions, and I won't know what to tell them-"

Your quivering voice finally gives out, and you cover your face. Ragged, irregular breaths come out as you try to force back the wave of emotions you've just unleashed. Gently, Ben pulls you to his chest as he rubs your back, murmuring gentle reassurances you couldn't quite hear.

Moments pass until your breathing finally evens out, eyes dry but still red and puffy. You slowly pull back and he lets you, his face full of worry. His hand still remains on your shoulder, an ever-present weight.

"You've had this on your mind for a long time, haven't you?"

You give a feeble nod. The thought of having to return to school had been weighing on you, but you hadn't realized how bad it had been until now. The thought is almost enough to send you spiraling again.

"I don't want to go back."

Ben gives you a smile. "You don't have to."

Your mind freezes for an instant, any and all thought muddled into incohereency.

"What?"

"Why don't I sign you up for online school this year? I remember you talking about wanting to do it a couple of months back, so why not now?"

"I..."

Your brows furrow. You did tell Ben that you wanted to do online school a couple of months ago before summer started. But this wasn't a new wish. You had been dreaming of being homeschooled since you had dreamed of living in the attic. Troubles in finding friends and fitting in had always followed you throughout the years until you realized the futility of it all, and only dreamt of a home where you didn't have to leave, and Ben and you could spend your days in peace. But the reality of your father's abuse had made school a begrudgingly safe haven of yours and you had slowly given up on that dream, too. But now that it was fully within your hands, you found yourself hesitating. Why? There was no monster in your home anymore, you were safe, and there's no reason to say no.

"I don't know."

He smiled.

"It wouldn't have to be permanent, just for this year. And if you don't like it, I can reenroll you back into your old school, so your options are always open. Plus, you're right, (Y/N). I know how cruel kids can be, especially when they're confronted with situations and people they don't understand. I don't want you to face that if you don't have to."

You gnaw on your lip, unsure of what to say. Ben was right on all accounts, the things he was saying made sense, and yet you couldn't find yourself saying yes. Why couldn't you let yourself have this?

"Can I think on it?"

Ironically, it came out of your mouth before you could think at all.

He nodded, his good-humored smile still on his face. You let out a small breath, so glad to still see it there.

"Of course, kid, it's a big decision. Take your time."

He gave your shoulder one last pat before getting up.

"I'm going to move the rest of the boxes in the car and go drop them off. You want me to pick up dinner on the way back?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with whatever."

"Alright. Rest up, I'll be back soon."

Unable to say much else, you nod as he gives you one last smile before he heads out the door, closing it behind him.

You rub your eyes, your body slowly unwinding from the tension just moments prior, until it gives in and you lay down on your bed.

With nothing else left to do, you crawl under your covers, the familiar comfort of the soft and worn fabric soothing your nerves. Distantly, you hear the sound of Ben's footsteps as he makes his way back and forth from the attic, the familiar and comforting sound lulling you into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning was pretty uneventful. Ben was off at work while you continued clearing the attic, sorting out the junk and keepsakes, only occasionally getting scared by the stray spiders that had made their home in the crevices between the boxes.

By noon, everything was sorted, with the only thing left being to take the boxes to be donated or tossed in the trash. But you needed Ben to help you with that, so you found yourself heading down to the kitchen, heating instant noodles in the microbe, wondering what you were going to do until he got home.

Around this time is when you usually went to go check the mail, but since yesterday, the thought of having to leave the house left you with an uneasy feeling, tension building in your spine and shoulders the longer you thought of it. A part of you was ashamed that you couldn't even walk out to the mailbox without it being a big deal, and another, much larger part, found immense relief in the thought of abandoning the task altogether, and not having any more chance encounters like yesterday. The more you considered it, the more you found your body sagging in relief. Yeah, Ben can grab it when he gets home, you're sure he wouldn't mind. It's no big deal.

The microwave beeps and you grab the noodles, all thought of the outside quickly leaving your head.

You had just dumped the flavor packet in when you heard a knock at the door.

Your heart, ashamed you were to admit, skipped a beat, and you froze mid-action, breath catching roughly in your throat. Who could that be? Maybe that was Ben, and he had just forgot his keys? No, that's stupid, he wouldn't be home this early, and he never forgets his keys. With no other answers coming to mind, you quietly set the packet down and got up to the door to peek through the peephole.

On the other side of the door stood one of your neighbors, a kid your age. You see him the most often out of all of your neighbors, often doing yard work and tending to the flowers in his front yard. He was also the guy you caught staring at you the most. Well, maybe staring wasn't completely accurate, but whenever you looked his way, you two would usually make eye contact before one of you shyly looked away. You didn't know why, and it played havoc on your nerves. He wore a hoodie despite the summer heat and had an envelope in his hand. He looked nervous.

You pull away and bring your hand to undo the locks before stopping.

For one glorious, tempting moment, you picture yourself turning around, going back to your noodles, and taking them upstairs and away from the door to eat in peace until Ben comes home.

Instead, you undo the locks and open the door.

Your neighbor looks slightly taken aback like he didn't expect anyone to answer. You try not to notice.

"Hello?" You ask.

"Oh, uh, hi! I'm Alex, your neighbor. I live right next to you, the house to the right, well- uh, my right, your left. The one with the red car and lawn gnomes out front?"

He gestures sheepishly towards his house, face nearing the complexion of a tomato.

"Nice to meet you, Alex. I'm (Y/N)."

The social protocols of politeness take over, unable to fully pay attention as your mind stalls, still in a state of shock from the anxiety of the situation.

"(Y/N)? That's a nice name." He smiles at you before quickly looking at the ground.

He hands the envelope over to you, speaking as you look over it.

"Uh, I just wanted to drop this off. I think our mail got mixed up."

Sure enough, the envelope had your brother's name and address on it.

"Oh, thank you." You say lamely.

For a beat, you wonder if you should say something more. It felt wrong to just leave the conversation as it was and close the door, but what else were you supposed to say? Before you can think about it, he speaks again.

"I, uh, wanted to say that I heard about what happened to your dad, and I'm sorry."

Again, your heartbeat skips, and you stiffen, body alert, eyes wide. You probably look like a deer caught in headlights in front of him if he wasn't still looking at the ground. The thought would embarrass you if it weren't for the sharp spike of adrenaline hitting your veins.

"I... I had a dad like him too."

And just like that, your body pauses its panic response, and you find yourself fully focused on him as he continues.

"I thought it would be easier after me and my mom moved away, and it has been, but those kinds of experiences don't just go away, and I wanted to say that you aren't alone."

You still felt a little wired from the previous scares, you you felt a strange sense of ease slowly pass through you at his words.

You stare at him, as he stares down, no words passing between you two before you finally speak.

"Thank you."

You only hesitate for a moment before continuing.

"It has been rough, but it's been more of a relief than anything. It's nice not having to hide away in my room until he leaves."

He looks up, a small smile gracing his face as he finally relaxes.

"Yeah, it's nice not having to check to see if he passed out in the house again."

You find your lips quirking up. "Or having to check his pulse when he is passed out."

"Not having to worry about him throwing a fit whenever he runs out of beer despite him being the one who drank it all."

"Not having to constantly hide food in your room so you have a supply when he does throw his tantrums"

Alex gave a disbelieving laugh.

"Yours let you get food out of the kitchen? There was a lock on the fridge and pantry when I lived with mine."

Your smile widened into one of disbelief, amusement, and shock. "What the hell? Why?"

"Kept getting upset that the food would go missing. Worst part is, every time he got blackout drunk, he'd binge eat, pass out and get mad at us for eating all the food."

You couldn't help it. You started giggling, and he started giggling, unable to react in any other way to the absurdity of it all.

"Sorry! I really shouldn't laugh-" You began, failing to stifle the laughter.

"Don't be!" He said. "He's a stupid guy, you should laugh at him."

You both share the moment, the laughter slowly dying down as you both take your first good look at each other. In this moment, you see something you can't help but talk about.

"Is that a minecraft necklace?"

He looks surprised, but pleasantly so. He glances down before holding it up with a grin. The pendant was the shape of a creeper head.

"Yeah, I'm a big fan!"

He puts it back down and his demeanor changes back to being sheepish, but not painfully so like he was before.

"I have minecraft for Xbox and a spare controller at my house. If you want, you can come over and play?"

It was your turn to be nervous again.

On one hand, you wanted to say 'absolutely'. You couldn't remember the last time you got invited to hang out, and the thought of something as normal as playing a video game with a friend was something you needed. Well, maybe you couldn't call him a friend yet, but you feel like you could, given enough time. Plus, after being so afraid of your neighbors and leaving your house, having someone come up to you and act so warm and friendly made you feel soft. It was hard to say no to that.

On the other hand, you had the nagging, unnameable feeling that Ben would be, upset, but you couldn't think up any concrete reason as to why. In fact, if you focused on that feeling too long, your mind went blank.

Sure, you were going about out of the house without him knowing, but Ben has always been supportive of you. Sure, he's never really discussed rules about going over to a friend's house because the situations never come up, but he's fairly easygoing. You were sure that if you explained why you went, he would be understanding. Happy, even.

Plus, you were only going next door, you had your phone on you, and you would be back before Ben came home, so it's not like he had to even know what happened. Not that you wanted to lie to him, but something about that option comforted you more than any of the other things you listed.

Discomfort pushed aside, you gave a smile back to Alex.

"Sure thing, let me grab my phone."

It could have been the perfect hangout. Alex's mom was nice, bringing you two snacks and telling stories from Alex's childhood despite his embarrassment, as you two hung out in the living room while he helped you figure out the controls. Soon enough, you two were building a base together, laughing at each other as a creeper or sneaky skeleton would get kills on you both.

You were halfway through making the third story of the base when your phone started ringing. You felt your heart drop to your stomach when you saw Ben's picture on the screen.

"Shit."

You immediately pocketed in and got up.

"What's wrong?" He paused the game and looked up.

"I wasn't supposed to stay so late, my brother's probably home by now."

You went over to the window and peeked through the blinds, and as fate would have it, you saw his car in the driveway.

You hear Alex speak from the couch, voice slightly concerned.

"You're not going to get in trouble, are you?"

That was the question, wasn't it?

"I... don't think so. Maybe? I've never been out late before."

"If you want, I can come with you and explain what happened. I'll take the blame."

Despite your growing worry, you felt a pang of gratitude come through. You gave a small smile.

"That's okay, he'll probably be a little mad, but I don't think it's that serious."

You headed to the door, Alex following behind.

"Hey, on the chance you don't get grounded or whatever, here's my phone number."

You look back and see him scribbling on a piece of paper before he hands it over to you. You take it and look at sloppy, but thankfully still legible writing, and give a bigger, more genuine smile.

"I'll text you later. If I still have my phone, that is." You joke, or at least try to.

He gives a smile and a wave as you turn back and exit the front door.

As it closes behind you, the warmth of the interaction slowly leaches from you and leaves you feeling cold and rattled.

You didn't fully believe the things you said to Alex. You had no real idea what Ben would like because you had never gone against what he said before. The thought alone turned your stomach into knots. It was simply how you two functioned, Ben was the one in charge and made the big decisions, and you listened. Sure, he never had any explicit rules about this, but that didn't mean anything.

As you made the short walk to your home, you began strategizing.

You should do damage control right away, start apologizing straight away, and let him know where you were and what you were doing. Wait, should you mention Alex? At that thought, you shoved the paper with his number deep in your pocket. You didn't want Ben to see it.

Before you could think about it anymore, you were at your front door. Your back tensed, and you hesitated only a moment before opening the door. Waiting would only make it worse.

Before you can fully step in, you see Ben pacing the kitchen, brows furrowed, face strained. As soon as he heard you, his head whipped up, and you felt yourself freeze like a rabbit spotted by a wolf. Frozen, unable to do anything else than stare.

"(Y/N)?"

Just like that, you were broken out of your trance, finally allowed to move again.

You step in all the way and close the door behind you.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think I'd be out that long, I wasn't keeping track of time, I-"

Your voice died the moment you looked back to Ben's face, his features looked so... angry. You've never seen him look at you like that before, never seen him look like that at all. It set off a loud, blaring warning in your brain that something was wrong, and that you needed to leave. But that was crazy. This is Ben, your brother, you were fine.

You tried to start again.

"I was..."

It tapered off as you saw him move towards you, movement swift and robotic as he kept his attention on you. Without thinking, you shrunk back.

"Ben-"

Before you could finish he's in front of you, grabbing your shoulders so tightly it's borderline painful. You grip his arms, weakly trying to push away, knowing better than to seriously try.

"Where were you?"

There was such a dangerous edge to his voice that you couldn't think, couldn't look away. Your breaths came out shallow and your voice so tiny you could barely hear it.

"With the neighbors."

That only made him angrier.

"What neighbors? We don't talk to the neighbors here."

Oh, you were shaking now.

"With- with the neighbors right next to us, the Rogers. I was hanging out with Alex-"

"Who the Hell is Alex?"

His grip got tighter as he shook you, and you could feel the bruises forming. You started pushing at him again, but your arms trembled so badly you might as well not have tried.

"B-Ben, it hurts."

Your voice was so thick with emotion that it was hardly coherent, but Ben understood.

His face blanked for a moment, body shocked to stillness as you continued to try and leave. Then, without warning, he let you go, turned his back and walked a few paces away from you, pinching his nose as he let out a sharp breath.

You listen to him as he takes deep breaths while you rub your sore arms, snot beginning to run as your eyes turn wet. As you step away, you feel your back pressed against the door, and you have the fleeting idea to open it and run away. You realize what you're thinking, and the idea terrifies you so deeply you stay rooted to the spot.

Finally, Ben turns back, face still hardened but not as severely as before.

"Who's Alex?"

You sniff. You really didn't want to do this anymore.

"He's the neighbor's kid. Our mail got mixed up and he brought it over to me, and invited me over to hang out."

You probably should have stopped there, but some scared, hurt part of you needed Ben to understand that you didn't mean this, it wasn't your fault. Your voice cracked as you continued.

"I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry. It was only supposed for a little bit, I didn't think I would be over for so long, just an hour or two. I- I didn't mean for this to happen, I should- I should of called you."

You stopped, but only because the shaking in your hands had spread to your voice, and you didn't think you could keep going without sounding like a complete mess.

His face didn't soften for a moment, staring blankly as you had gone on. After it ended, he closed his eyes, rubbed his face and gave a sharp sigh.

You couldn't read him when he looked away. Was he calming down? Did that make him more upset? Every second that ticked by frayed your already worn-out nerves. You were only one yell away from bursting into tears.

He looked up again, face the same as it was before.

"Do you know what it's like to come home with the door unlocked and see you missing, with no goddamn clue where you could be? What was I supposed to think? You didn't even pick up your damn phone!"

He stopped, took a breath, and then continued, a dangerously calm edge to his voice.

"And then you tell me you decided to stay over at a stranger's house without calling me? A person you only met today? They could of been anybody, anything could happened to you. I thought you had better sense than that."

It stung.

"I'm sorry."

It sounded small and pathetic, even to your own ears.

He let out a sigh.

"Go to your room. We'll talk about this more later."

You don't think twice. You rush away on shaky legs to your room and quietly close the door behind you, afraid of doing anything else to set him off. The bed lets out a soft creak as you sit down. You gather your quivering hands in your lap and look down on them, not sure what to do with yourself.

Before you can think about it any further, you hear the front door open and slam shut, then the car turning on and driving away.

As it quiets down, you can't help it. Stifled sobs climb their way out of your chest, feeling like they're choking you until you can't resist anymore. You collapse on your bed, openly crying until you exhaust yourself to sleep.

The next morning felt almost surreal. You woke up to hearing Ben walking about the house as he did his morning routine. Usually, you would be out of the room right now doing the same, with you both then sitting down to eat breakfast together until it was time for him to leave. This time, you stayed in bed the entire time, idly scrolling your phone as you listened to his footsteps.

A part of you expected him to knock at your door, and ask you why you weren't out yet. Instead, you heard the sizzle of eggs hitting a hot pan as they cooked, and after a short few moments, the front door opening, closing, and locking behind him. The familiar sounds of the car's engine slowly faded away, and you finally got out of your bed, ready to start your day.

You decided to text Alex. You were hesitant to give the details of what happened, simply saying that Ben was upset and things were tense, and thankfully, Alex never pushed it. Instead, he started sending you memes and talking about his ideas for the minecraft world you both started. It was surprising how easy it was to talk to him, the conversation going for hours before he had to leave to help with dinner.

When it was time for Ben to come home, you scurried back to your room, feeling relieved but guilty when you closed the door. On one hand, you could still feel the fear you had last night, and you had no idea what to do with it. It was perplexing and off-putting, and thinking too hard on it made you feel like your brain was turning to static, so you opted to not think about it at all, which meant avoiding your brother as well.

But the guilt wouldn't let you be. It turned what should have been the comfort of your room into a place of wrongness, that you were doing something awful by keeping yourself here and not going down to see him like you usually did. Your lip began to bleed, and only then you realized you had been chewing on it since you heard Ben's car pull in.

You contemplated texting Alex for a distraction as you heard him make his way into the house. And then, step by step, make his way way to the hallway, and then to your door.

And then, the knock.

"Can I come in?"

You don't know if you want to answer, so you don't.

"I know you're awake, kid. Your lights on."

Thoughts raced through your mind as you tried to figure out what to do. For a moment, your mind latched onto the idea that you could pretend to be asleep, but you immediately shrugged it off. This was going to happen anyway, might as well happen now.

"Come in."

The door opens, and you see Ben, completely exhausted, his gaze nervously flitting towards you and the floor as he carried a fast food bag in his hand.

"I brought dinner."

You instinctively perk up at the mention of food, and he takes that as a sign to step closer and sit on the far side of the bed, bag between you two, as he clasped his hands together. His leg starts to quickly bounce before he stops it.

"Figured I'd pick up something on the way home. Didn't feel like cooking.

You nod, even though there's something in you that compels you to do or say more to try and ease his nerves. Even now, after what he did, you hate to see him upset. You try to push the urge to comfort down as you pointedly look away.

Both of you sit in silence while looking anywhere but at each other. In your peripheral, you can see him fidgeting with his hands.

"I know I scared you last night, I just-"

He nervously shifts in his seat. His voice is halting but sincere.

"It worried me, seeing you gone. You mean so much to me, (Y/N). Ever since you were born, I've been there to take care of you. I can't remember a time without you, and I don't want to. You're a part of me, without you, I... I don't even know who I am."

You look over at him and freeze. You're big brother, the man who protected you and cared for you your whole life, is bunched in on himself, face strained and twitching with barely contained emotion as he doggedly stares directly ahead, like looking at you would hurt him. His eyes are red and dark circles frame them. You swallow, years of experience screaming at you to reach over and comfort him, but instead, you sit, never once looking away as he continues talking.

"I shouldn't have done that to you, kid. I should of known better. Should of contained myself. I try so hard for you, but there's times it feels like it isn't enough, and it keeps me up at night."

He sniffs, and your eyes begin to blur.

"I never wanted to be like that in front of you, you didn't deserve to see that. I-"

He wipes his hands over his face, taking a deep breath as he tries to collect himself. After a beat, he uncovers his face and finally looks at you.

"I'm sorry."

It was like a spell had been broken. You found yourself pushing a food to the side and leaning against his shoulder. He hesitantly wrapped his arm around you, and when you didn't resist, he reached his other arm around you, pulled you into his chest, and began softly rocking you back and forth.

You feel the rise and fall of his chest, and it feels the same as you did as a kid when you would run up to him when something scared you, or when you felt your emotions overwhelm you. He would hold you tight and it felt like you were in the safest place in the world. The relief of that feeling after everything you had been through was like coming home.

Still safely tucked in his arms, you spoke again, voice more quiet and child-like than you meant it to be.

"Promise me you won't do that again."

The mere thought of him acting so uncontrollably and violently towards you was enough to make you nauseous.

He squeezed you tight.

"I promise, kid, never again."

You nodded, unable to reply. The both of you stayed like that for what felt like an eternity before he slowly began letting you go.

After getting fully untangled, you rub your eyes, a feeling of exhaustion settling in as your stomach rumbles.

"I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm Ben."

His reply is so quick, you think it's automatic for him.

You shoot him a glare, but it's undermined by your smile. He returns it with one of his own.

"You wanna go down and eat? I got you a milkshake too, it's down in the kitchen. But might be a bit melted by now."

You spring up, fast food bag in hand as you make your way towards the door.

"Why didn't you say so, let's go!"

You hear him let out a chuckle, and you let out one reflectively, too.

You both share the meal together, talking and laughing late into the evening, until it was finally time to sleep. You drifted off easily into a deep, restful sleep, finally at peace.

[constantfragmentation]

Arcane S2 Thoughts

I've had a week to digest this season and well, I guess I have the unpopular opinion of being very disappointed. After the initial flash of gorgeous animation and some ooo's and awe's.... I was left with a bitter aftertaste. I can rewatch S1 loads of time. I don't think I can watch S2 again.

I'm happy for the fans that loved it and got what they wanted or the shippers that got what they wanted. I'm happy for you. Do your thing.

Me? Not so much. Even as a Silco fan (and I admit to squeeing for any footage of him at first), I'm not pleased. Yeah, my young Silco is a nerd, man-bun hottie, but that's where it ended for me. His entire characterization was nothing like the character I fell head over heels for in S1.

Vander's Flashback: I honestly don't find Felicia's inclusion necessary at all. In fact, I think it waters down everything between Silco and Vander. Their knowing her and the kids creates more questions, plotholes, and problems than it supposedly solves.

Why is Vander only in those memories with the kids? It's before the fallout with Silco. Why don't the kids know or remember nice Silco? Why do they only fear him (obv that's from Vander and Benzo, yes?)?

Why doesn't Silco seem to know Powder at Vander's dead body? Why would he kill Felicia's kids? None of it makes any fucking sense if he cared about Felicia. He hates Vander so much, he hates the kids too because he adopted them?

How the hell does S2 Young Silco turn into S1 Silco? Riot really messed this one up. Vander's attempted murder didn't change his entire personality.

It was a rebellion battle. People were going to get hurt and killed. They had to know this. So, whether Silco accidentally killed Felicia (as some fans are debating) or she died, is so damn dumb for Vander to solely blame Silco. Takes the kids, becomes a pacifist FIRST and then decides to (shave and grow younger) kill his brother for the greater good. Doesn't make one lick of sense narratively.

The narrative, characterization and animation inconsistencies don't help from S1 either. The drowning scene doesn't fit the S2 explanation. They're too young. Vander had a beard and appears much older on the bridge. Hell, S2 Young!Silco looks older than S1 Young!Silco. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. If people want to kiss Riot's ass, fine, but there was too much that was straight up lazy writing.

Silco's death is just glossed over considering how important he is. Silco did what Vander couldn't. Even without Shimmer, the Underground was thriving. Cait's mother's death/burial/statue gets more screen time and Silco gets dumped in the river. No one seems to question his death or what happened? Yeah, ok.

I'll use this moment to complain about the excessive music video montages this season too. I watched S1 again and the writing and use of music worked in unison and enhanced scenes. S2 felt like scenes in between music videos and it was irritating.

There was so much screentime wasted that could have been good dialogue heavy scenes that S1 was great at. Instead, time wasted on poorly executed plotlines that needed way more time to flesh out (Mel, Ekko and Viktor) and we have slowmo music videos and MCU fight scenes. Hermie's guitar song and Mission Impossible jokster crap was laughable and not in a good way.

Riot tried to pack too much into one season, and it was a mess. This season felt like watching a Marvel movie. Cool action sequences with little to no substance. All the nuance and grit from last season were gone in favor of the 'good vs. bad' trope. All the political-societal issues in S1 were abandoned that were far more fascinating to explore.

Mel has superpowers now? It feels all out of place. Her, Ambessa, and the Black Rose plot have zero time to make it interesting and plausible. She was introduced as this master manipulator/politician and her sage persona feels so forced.

Jesus Demigod Viktor was too much. I was excited for the Machine Herald and the psychedelic Arcane magical multiverse took me out. Making him to be the big baddie and timeloop it around to Jayce felt like a big cop out. Viktor deserved better. Hell, Jayce deserved better.

So much was sacrificed to make the whole Arcane magic THE point of the series when it was one of the least interesting aspects of the show. Hextech for weapons and the continuing problems between Piltover and Zaun was RIPE for storytelling. It seems each act needed several episodes to cover.

Ekko sure as fuck deserved better than that half assed time warp with Hermie. The AU really bothered me. Everything felt wrong. EVERYTHING. Nothing was explained well at all. It felt like complete fan service at the expense of the characters. Before people rip me saying "well duh! It was an AU!". You don't assassinate characters and plot to have a happy ending that insults your viewers.

They turned Zaun (its own cool character) into the bargain basement of Piltover. How is it sunny and pretty? Really? Mirror tricks? Everyone just forgave Piltover after years of oppression?

You're telling me Vi's death saved humanity? Fuck that shit right now. Piltover just stopped because a kid died? Suddenly everything became better? What happened to Jayce? Viktor? Hell, Hermie after decades didn't give two shits about Zaun, so what changed with the Council? Where's Singed? I don't buy it.

I don't buy Jinx/Powder being super normal smart girl. I LOVE JInx, but I believe she had mental issues prior breaking into Jayce's apartment. I don't think Vi's death made that go away (as I don't believe Silco's death did either). As someone who battles with mental health, this is insulting to me as a viewer.

I hated AU Silco. There. I said it. He just forgave Vander? Really? Bullshit. The reason Vander tried to kill him is stupid. A simple letter changed Silco? That fluffy-haired softy is not Silco. I can't imagine that Silco being the one who fought a rebellion. He probably would not have become a mob boss peddling drugs but this AU softboi dad feels so wrong. I never would have stanned AU Silco. Not in a million years.

S1 Silco's traits didn't magically appear because Vander betrayed him. The young S1 Silco had to be similar in many ways to older S1 Silco. Drive, ambition, ruthlessness, willing to die for a cause. I don't see Felicia's death changing that. I certainly don't see Vi's death changing that.

If Vander needed to kill Silco to stop the violence, etc, it's because he saw Silco as a threat to him or society as a whole. S1 Vander is known as The Hound. So, he seems to be violent as well. He takes credit for building the Underground when Felicia credits both 'bozos' for it. So Vander being upset she died and blaming Silco to the point of murder is a slap in the face to fans' intelligence.

I do hate that by Vi's death, everything is magically better. I can't express how much I hate that. AU Powder was irritating and was nothing like my Jinx that I love. Again so much wasted time that could have been better spent on good character driven scenes that actually advance the plot.

Pointless characters. Introduce Isha (who I adored). Make her seem important to Jinx. Kill her and never mention her again. So what was the point of her inclusion this season? Just to make Jinx suicidal? I hated that also. Again WASTED SCREENTIME.

Oh, and Caitvi was a disgrace. I think shippers deserved better here, too. Caitlyn goes crazy dictator because of guilt over her mom. Granted, Caitvi only knew each other for a week-ish? Not a lot of time to make their relationship serious past an infatuation. Cait turns from all her good points last season to Ambessa's padawan.

Don't get me started on that side piece Maddie. Really? Cait you were that hard up? And that long awaited sex scene was a big eye roll. Vi goes to her sister, and shit goes to hell, and a few minutes later, she's fucking Cait in the same cell. Vi was reduced to shit this season.

I mean, these characters just got shafted in every way for a high speed train wreck ending that we've seen a million times in Disneyfied stories. Action sequences were more important than actual character development and plot.

You can't make me believe that one speech from Jayce 'seeing a possible future' suddenly got Zaun to work with and dress up as Piltover soldiers? Really?

I had high hopes for Sevika, and the girl got shit nothing to do except in two episodes. Her seat on the Council feels like a last-minute decision and not worthy enough to expand on.

What made S1 so great was the class divide between Zaun and Piltover and how it affected the characters. S2 decided to scrap that and go with the easy good vs evil trope instead. Even the parallels didn't have the same hit as last season.

I did like Jinx talking to her 'ghost' Silco in the jail cell. He was calming to her in contrast to Milo/Claggor except the implication that she should die (that's what I got out of that).

We didn't even get much from Singed. Yeah, he got his daughter back (in some form) but his story was so blah. We didn't get nearly enough of him and Warwick and what made Warwick.

I guessed a few years ago it was going to be Vander but I didn't like how it was handled.

Too many plotlines all rushed together without getting any decent screentime and explanations that don't confuse or insult viewers intelligence. OR you have to be a LOL fan/player to understand. I never played LOL before S1 and wasn't confused as to the main plot.

I loved all the characters in S1 and felt they were pretty much watered down or assassinated in S2 for an apocalyptical Demigod villain vs humanity battle done to death finale.

The Zaun/Piltover political-societal problems, parallels, corruption, science going wrong, pathway to hell paved with good intentions themes from S1 was so much better in every single aspect.

I'm still a fan of S1 and the characters and frankly, I'm going to ignore 95% of S2.

[deaddovedecadence]

Meta reader anon here! (Got nervous when I asked 😭)

Anyways, how would the Batman react to a reader who’s kinda been through a situation like the one Jason was in? (Lowkey trauma dump I’m so sorry-) like my father’s a really manipulative and narcissistic person so I have a much easier time picking up on stuff like that. Reader would legit already be on high suspicion (not like they weren’t already but like 10x more-)

Also keep up the good work! Really enjoy your stories!

A/N okay but learning about duke in the moonlight verse hours

”Why are you so afraid of me?” Duke asks curiously, some of thier braids swishing into their face.

You shrug, not meeting their eyes because you know that if you do then they’ll know something you don’t want them to. they’ve always been too observant for your tastes and looking at them makes something under your skin crawl.

You know hat Duke is a meta because signal is a meta even though they’ve never used thier powers around you, never made you feel afraid on purpose.

In fact Duke is always gentle with you, like you’re something that could break, something that they’re choosing to keep whole.

“Who are you?” You ask, staring them straight in the face. They smile (it’s not real), “I’m duke, your sibling.” YOu want to scream liar because they aren’t your sibling, because there is something wrong with the way that they are.

“What happened to you?” you try, keeping your expression gentle, open because there’s somethign that they just aren’t telling you.

They laugh,, “nothing, I’m all good.”

“Liar.” You snap, abandoning your game of pretend.

Duke gives you a too sharp smile, says, “I’ll tell you what happened to me if you tell me why you’re always avoiding me.”

That’s an easy choice to make. “You’re off. It’s like you’re constantly hiding something under your kindness.”

They laugh bitterly, the first sharp sounds that you’ve ever heard from them. “I was adopted two years before you. My parents were caught in a fight between Joker and batman. My mother was immunocompromised and joker used his gas to try and finally kill the terror of our city, the batman. Bruce found me, holding her dead body and he took me in. I didn’t have a choice and there was no one there to keep me from making mistakes.”

They pull back their sweater enough for you to see seven tally marks. “One for every member of the family,” Duke says absently.

“So they never forget where they belong,” Bruce cuts in, appearing out of nowhere. He puts a hand on Duke’s shoulder and you watch the way they bristle, but don;t bother moving.

There’s an implied threat in the way that bruce speaks, a warning that you could share the same scars with one addition, Duke’s.

[mykoreanlove]

mislead in a cap

You stood on the balcony overlooking the neon city lights while Hoseok was standing behind you, silently smoking his third cigarette. Neither of you said a word but it was evident that a lot was lingering on his mind. You felt the cold summer breeze on your naked skin, shivering lightly. 

Hoseok flipped the cigarette aside and hugged you from behind, sharing his body warmth with you.

„Why do you still keep seeing me, y/n?“, he muttered softly.

There it was. The question that had been lingering in the back of his mind for a very long time. He was right to ask as there was no plausible reason for you to keep doing that. Doing him.

„I guess I kind of like it“, you mumbled truthfully. 

The grip around your waist got harder as he was leaning into you more.

„But you do remember our conversation from the first time?“

You sighed heavily, still remembering every word from that night. You had moved to Seoul for a fresh start, a fresh beginning in life, love and moreover in yourself. It didn’t take long for you to meet Hoseok as you had a mutual friend but you never had predicted the outcome of your serendipitous meeting. Shy glances turned into passionate gazes accompanied by coy kisses that turned into lustful sex. He wasn’t your typical type but you felt a pull towards him like never before. 

Your first real date, or rather spontaneous hook up, ended in your apartment drinking and getting to really know each other. He never intended to spill all of his secrets but the booze loosened his tongue just as much as your safe energy ripped up his shields. 

„I got cheated on three times, actually.“, he confessed out of the blue. „The last time was the hardest. We were together for almost a year and I planned on marrying her but you know, she had other plans.“ 

Hoseok’s eyes, usually shimmering with positive energy, suddenly turned dull. 

„Do you want to know how I figured it out? She moaned another guy’s name in bed. That’s how I figured it out.“, he explained flatly.

You threw your arms around him, hugging him as tightly as you could. All you could feel was empathy and sorrow - how could someone do that? 

„It’s okay, y/n. It is what it is.“

„It’s not okay. It really isn’t“, you protested.

„That’s just how my life is. It’s shit.“

His eyes got even gloomier, making you shudder with heartbreak.

„No really, just ask around. The others already know. My life is a piece of shit.“ 

Hoseok pained but fascinated you at the same time. 

„I wondered why that happened, you know. I wondered if I was too outgoing, if I should have been stricter with her. As soon as I left town she cheated on me. So, that’s what I figured. Relationships just don’t work if someone is away for a while and since I’m traveling often, relationships are just not for me.“ 

There it was, the ugly monster that was roaring its head. Hoseok sounded just like you when you got your heart broken by the last guy who dumped you as soon as you got out of town. You were too taken aback by this coincidence to really understand what he was implying though.

Instead, you felt an even stronger pull towards him, one that would bring you to your knees often. Slow, sad kisses turned to more and before you knew it he was inside of you, fucking the sadness away. Loving him like that was risky, for your body and heart but you didn’t care. Hoseok triggered another side within you, one that was reckless and risky.

„Why do you like me?“, he asked while placing soft kisses on your temples.

„This is going to sound so cheesy but uhm….I like you because you feel like sunshine.“, you confessed. 

A small giggle escaped his lips before the mood changed for the inevitable.

„You need to find someone else, y/n. Someone who’s decent.“

You held in your breath, not knowing how to respond.

„You remember what I told you? I’ll be leaving town soon for two weeks, so because of that nothing more, nothing serious could ever happen between us.“

Remembering it brought up the pain you felt back then, still after weeks of seeing him. 

He told you to stay away, yet both of you couldn’t resist the other. Endless nights spent under the sheets turned into your little secret.

„I do remember.“

„Then why do you do it? Why are you wasting your time with me?“

You turned around and faced him, brushing a strand of hair out of his face.

„I can’t leave you alone because I see myself in you, Hoseok.“

He frowned in response, not really getting your point.

„How so?“

„We’re both very similar if you think about it. Both of us have been hurt in love which is why we tend to be attracted to people that are unavailable, we’re not even risking getting our heart broken. At least not that much, so it would really hurt. But there’s more than meets the eye.“, you explained softly.

„More?“, he asked curiously.

„Yeah.“, you nodded. „Remember what I said when you asked me why I liked you?“

„Cause I feel like sunshine..“, he muttered under his breath.

„Exactly. You have this radiating aura, full of good vibes and positivity. But that’s all just an act. If you look closely enough, you’ll notice that you’re broken and sad. Hurt and disappointed. All that sunshine persona is just a facade. Just something to cover up how you really feel on the inside.“

Hoseok’s eyes started to glisten instantly, he let go of you and turned around.

He felt caught, suffocated even. All these years he was cautious enough to not let someone see beyond the surface, yet you caught on instantly. 

„I am right, aren’t I?“, you asked cautiously. 

He looked over his shoulder, staring directly at you while tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

„Let’s end this, y/n. Once and for all.“ 

[dorylinae-supremacy]

Tags: Dark SBI, dark Phil, dark Techno, royalty au, memory loss, implied character death, he doesnt die though, skrunkly Techno, Wilbur is in here just a heads up, just the character though, fuck the real guy, this is full of brainrot, you get the vibes as you read, its like 1K minimum I think

AU where Techno is a prince who gets kidnapped by political rivals.

Obviously, they know theyre gonna get caught. All they can do is cause as much damage as possible to the family before theyre caught and inevitably killed.

So they wipe the princes memory and toss him out on the streets. The blood prince, famous for his violence and cruelty, reduced to a confused wreck with no idea of who or where he is.

Anyway so they're caught and die with the knowledge of wherever they dumped Techno so the entire nation is just on a massive search party.

Tech is presumed dead because there is literally 0 universe where he wouldnt immediately make himself known to his family and that just makes Phil even darker when it comes to keeping his last remaining kid safe.

(I'm thinking Tommy so there can be some dark clingy Tommy action later on)

I think Wil eventually bumps into Tech and is confused on why theres just some random guy on his own in his bakery with like no clue how to do anything.

So he takes him in.

Not really intentionally at first but he gives him a place to stay because he's lonely and he'd feel bad if anything happened to Techno but they get along really well and become attached.

Obviously that means stuff has to go wrong but before that I'm thinking there are a few moments where Techno vaguely remembers stuff from who he was and just doesn't know what to do with it.

Maybe Wilbur braids his hair a certain way and it feels so familiar and somewhere in his mind he just knows that someone did this for him before.

Meanwhile Phils in the castle all sad because he misses braiding Technos hair every morning.

But maybe he also sees some kids playing and being mischevious and he feels so fond but has no clue why. The kids push each other around and mimic sword fights and he thinks he can remember knowing a kid who did the exact same but never being able to really grasp it.

He just misses people who he doesn't know and cant describe and he gets very skrunkly about it because clearly no ones been looking for him so obviously they didn't care about him as much as he did them.

But he gets very close with Wilbur and maybe Wil leaves to go off and get something so Techno mans the bakery while he's gone.

Thats when Niki comes in. Maybe Ranboo dragged her in or something because they've heard nothing but good review but either way they walk into some random bakery and just see the fucking crown prince working as the casheir.

The same crown prince that has been presumed dead for months and has had an entire funeral thrown for him already.

Techno is obviously very confused when they start asking him where he's been and what he's doing there but doesnt exactly get a say in anything as he's dragged out the shop and put on the first carriage back to the palace.

There's obviously a reunion that only makes Phil even darker because his baby doesn't fucking recognise him and barely lets him touch him so he's torn between playing nice and letting Tech come to him and just crushing his son in his arms and never letting him go.

He finds an odd in between where he tries so hard to be patient like a spider in a web but he misses his sonboy and occasionally slips up real bad which freaks Techno out.

He also tries to give all the things Techno used to love. People to kill, gold, weapons etc, but none of it really works. All Techno wants is the only comfort he's had since he woke up confused and lost.

Wilbur.

Meanwhile Wilburs being angsty because he got supper attached to Tech and thinks he just wandered too far but no ones seen him so he's just really sulky and sad.

Techno really was just kinda his emotional support buddy / pseudo brother so now he's dealing with just so many abandonment issues and he's worried sick that Techno could be sick or hurt somewhere and just as confused as when he found him.

That is until the fucking emperor himself turns up at his door and demands to know what Wilbur did to his son.

Wil is terrified and genuinely has no clue what is going on but rambles like everything he knows anyway. Phils pretty unconvinced but gestures for the guards to bring in Tech and Tech practically crushes Wil in the strength of a hug.

They both just immediately break down because they were so worried and scared for each other (brothers <3) and Phil really gets to see exactly how much Technos changed.

His memory is gone, there's no real way to recover it so in a way his son did die but Phil is bitter and possessive and he won't lose him twice so he keeps him anyway.

Maybe he decides that Tech is still Tech and clearly some of his personality has stayed so there's totally a way he can just rebuild him into who he used to be, or at least as close as he can get.

He tries to drag Techno away because he's very bitter about his son (who's been basically terrified of him) hugging some stranger meanwhile he literally mourned him for months.

Techno obviously doesn't take well to almost getting dragged away and says that if he really is Phils son and he's as indulgent as he says he is then he'll let him keep Wilbur.

Everyone is shocked by this and Wil is not happy with it but Techno still has that dark streak in him despite now also being skrunkly so he cuts off any argument and basically calls Phils bluff.

Phil tries talk Tech out of things but Technos obviously super adamant about keeping his new bestie so Phil just sighs and glares at Wil like the entire way back to the castle.

Maybe he also hoards Techno away too and says that since he's indulged him once today, Tech has to pay with nest time (something he's been avoiding a tonne) and its very dark and fluffy later.

I'm not sure where the AU goes after this but its probably a lot of family bonding where Wil is slowly assimilated against his will and Techno regains some part of him that was removed when he got his mind wiped.

There's probably some very sweet moments where Phil and Techno maybe share a piano and Tech slowly remembers the tune that they first did and obviously theres lots of bonding with Tommy where he asks Techno to 'put on a show' and swordfight for him and Tech slowly regains some muscle memory on that front.

[poisonousquinzel]

Perhaps I am a bleeding heart but it makes me so sad the Sirens are beating up Punchline. You’re telling me a group of women who’ve been through tons of trauma related to abuse (both childhood and in relationships) and wouldn’t immediately clock Punchline as someone in need of desperate help? Like yeah okay she’s an asshole but they were all assholes at one point or another. What happened to girls supporting girls :(

I mean, I getcha, but Punchline was kinda doing the exact stuff that they'd have an issue with in this story lol they clocked onto who was in need of desperate help in this story, and it very much wasn't Alexis.

She was the causation behind Jaina needing help. Why would they offer a hand to the woman who caused all this in the first place? One who's not, and will not, apologize for what she's done, has shown no regret or second thoughts about her actions, and who would kill each and every one of them if given the chance?

Girls supporting girls is the Sirens supporting the woman Punchline was going to, with no hesitation, use as a prop to kill for her elite billionaire subs enjoyment.

And the whole "lets send em to Arkham for the help they desperately need actually" is more Batman's vibe skdjsks

She used Ivy's pheromones without her knowledge. She abused animals. She called Harley a slur.

Not to mention, but none of the four of them are at the point narratively wise where it would make sense for them to try to reach out or for her to accept their support. She doesn't like them and the feeling is returned.

Alexis has personal beef with Harley, she already had a grudge against her before she'd even met her cause she's a damned Joker groupie,,, she knocked out Selina during The Joker War (regardless of the questionability about overpowering her so damned much during her first appearance )

And they've had numerous run ins during Selina's comic that've only continued to sour the dynamic.

And while Ivy hadn't encountered her personally before this story, she did know Alexis is responsible for burning down the Eden she handcrafted for Harley, she slit Harley's throat & had her dumped into the sewer to die.

And then in this story Ivy finds out she synthesized her powers for personal profit.

Minutes before the Sirens got the upper hand, they were essentially baking alive inside a cell Alexis had them locked in.

And I don't think Punchline has that shared trauma type you mentioned? It's something that I think can help tie the Sirens together and find a common ground of understanding between one another,, even when all of their personal goals and motivations are different there's a level they'll come together at.

But, pls correct me if I'm wrong !!! I've seen nothing yet that indicates that that's something tied into Alexis' character. Even her relationship with Joker at this point, which is very on & off, hasn't went to that level that I'm aware of. We've had the scenes between her and Harley in The Joker War but those are warnings from Harley about how this will end, not necessarily representative of the current stage Alexis is at.

Alexis was also incredibly, beyond victim blamey during their encounters. I get why she was the way she is, she's bought into all his bullshit hook line and stinker. But she was wrong. And we all know it. We all know she was talking about shit she doesn't know jack about, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't have effected Harley to hear.

The Sirens are going to hold a grudge. That's understandable. It's also important to keep in mind that Alexis is a very new character so she's very early into her development, there's a definite chance one day maybe 15 years from now where she'll have improved a bit and be on level with them, I hope she gets that cause no one deserves to be stuck with that crusty loser haha

But she's very much in her Deep Rooted Villain arc rn skdjsks there's also a chance that she sticks to being a full time female villain in the gallery to take up part of the place the Sirens themselves leave open and is never on anything close to good terms with them.

And she called Harley a slur.

An actual literal slur. Harlivy especially is not going to play nice with her when she's called one half of their relationship a (very likely) homophobic slur. Selina wasn't here for this, but at the end all of them are aware cause Harley's mentions it again.

She's gonna get beat up by three gays for calling one of them a slur that's just the karmatic balance of things skdjdkks

Batman (2016) #93, #96, #97, #98

Gotham City Sirens (2024) #1, #2, #3, #4

[sewersewersewercouch]

trying to put my microphone related thoughts for the new episode into words

Should I be trusted to Mic post without going off the rails agin? Probably no, but too bad, you're all stuck with me. I'm glad other people had like...mixed feelings on how Mic was written in the episode. and I'm not just using mixed as a euphemism for bad here. I felt like it was very much so close, and yet so far for me? I'm gonna brain dump here for a minute, because I like Mic a lot, and I want to discuss what I liked about her in the episode, and what I would have changed. also, spoilers obviously

So, I said in my Big Long Mic Analysis Post (tm) that I didn't really care whether Mic and Taco ended up on good or bad terms. Now is the time when I expose myself as a filthy liar. Okay, not really, I would have been fine whether they did or didn't, but...I'm a big softie who likes when characters overcome their issues and end up with a stronger, healthier relationship for having done so. So sue me. But my first thought upon watching this was...wow is this not the way I wanted this to happen. I'm not gonna speak to the way Taco was characterized, because I'm not that good at Taco, but I would say I'm half decent at Microphone, and I think I can take a stab at how I felt about her in this episode.

I've heard people say that Mic is out of character in this episode, and that's not how I'd describe her (I'm not coming for anyone who has, though! I get why you'd say so!) The thing is, there's really nothing I can point to in this episode and go "she would not fucking say that." Because most of what she said, she would fucking say! She just...wouldn't say them in these circumstances, in this part of her arc, I don't think?

To clarify---Mic felt very "Mine Your Own Business" here. And I love Mine Your Own Business! One of my favorite episodes, and honestly the one that made me love Mic as much as I do. And I did sorely miss the comedic dynamic in that episode between Mic and Taco, and was excited to see it back. Microphone's "violence is bad in general, just fyi" made me smile so much and go !!!!!! Because that's pure Mic, baby! And aside from this, on a positive, Mic felt very confident and self-assured here, and that warmed my heart! Seeing how assertive and honest she was with Taco was great. And I loved the little moment where she notices the TV is plugged in and raises her voice to say games are not the focus. It was such a small thing, but it shows how far she's come that she's able to casually use her volume modulation like that, after it was something that she was so ashamed by earlier on in the season.

But on the other...it didn't feel like the right time for Mic to be talking with Taco the way she did before Hatching the Plan. We're in the after now, and surely it would take a while for Mic to be comfortable buddying around with Taco the way she did then. (Granted, it does help that this time Taco is coming at things with the genuine want for friendship.) But...the only acknowledgement there is of what happened in Hatching the Plan was Mic saying she thought Taco would drop her as soon as she got the chance, and Taco replying that Mic beat her to it. That feels like something they should maybe...unpack? It seems odd to me that Mic is just acting like the most impactful moment in her own arc just...didn't happen.

There is a way this could be pretty easily justified, that being: PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DYING! Mic doesn't have time to process her complicated feelings on Taco. She doesn't have time to deliberate back and forth on whether she's ready to forgive her, or decide she wants to but she needs some space for a while, because they don't have a while! Either Taco, or Mic, or both, could die at any second, and the truth of the matter is, badly as they left things, Microphone doesn't want them to be on bad terms if that happens. She wants her friend back, even if it doesn't feel entirely right, because that's better than either of them dying and leaving things unsaid. And Brian has said some things that back me up that he was thinking the same thing.

But what bothers me is, we never see her have that thought process. Maybe it would have killed the pacing and all, I can respect that, but...Microphone is an open book. She rarely feels something that you can't clearly tell she's feeling. (That, or I've spent so much time analyzing her that it's rotted my brain and now there is only Microphone up there. That's also an option.) I feel like if she is having those thoughts, the viewer would be able to pick up on it a little more? The whole reconciliation felt very Taco-centric, and that was exactly what I didn't want it to be. I wanted to see more of how Microphone was feeling and thinking, see her make a more active choice, and it didn't feel like that. After all this about her having her own voice, that wasn't what that felt like to me.

I don't think, to fix this, you'd have to get rid of anything that was shown onscreen. Like I said, it wasn't exactly that she was out of character, it's more about what we didn't see. There are a few scenes I'm maybe gonna write that I think having them there would help me be a bit more positive to Mic's writing in this episode. One being, the conversation between her, MePad and Baseball before she talks to Taco. I did honestly feel a bit cheated by the fact that we never got to see MePad and Mic talk, because I was fully expecting that going into the episode, and like...maybe that's on me, for sure, but I feel like there's important things that would have been said there that just weren't included. The other---and this feels less necessary for me, but it'd be fun---is another Taco and Mic conversation, maybe at Purgatory Mansion (I don't know if there's any point they'd have time to do this, I'm not sure how tight the timeline is, but whatever.) I think they could do to have Mic talk more to Taco about where they left things, rather than just kind of briefly addressing it and then acting like it didn't happen.

Now, if we ever see these contestants again (I'm operating under the assumption that we will?) they'll probably have this conversation, if Brian's vague Twitter implications have anything to say about it. And I'd really like that, because I want my girl to be done justice. But for now I just kinda wanted to get this off my chest.

[zarathelonewolf]

GACHIAKUTA 117 aka Horikoshi take notes because Follo is being a better side character than most of class A combined*

*excluding Bakugo and Todoroki but that's because the former is a rival/deuteragonist and the latter is an honorary deuteragonist/deuteragonist/I am Hella confused about narrative roles don't talk to me-

Ok, so.

I know this is veeeery early. But STILL.

You cannot do this shit to me Urana! Wtf!

I had the intention of not getting attached to everyone in fear that you would kill most of them off JJK style, but now I am incredibly attached to Follo as well!

Fuck!

Anyway, here are my thoughts on the chapter 117 and the Pain™ it brought me... Because both Follo and Rudo misunderstood each other and now my heart hurts.

Needless of me to say, the biggest surprise I got in this chapter is... not that Enjin is a ladies-man. I mean, with him saying that he "likes a good woman" especially if they're sexy and smarter than him, yeah, I imagined that he would be.

It's nice seeing more of Semiu being serious about the Cleaners' job. She's a tough one, and she's right, Rudo needs to get back to work.

Before I get on my Follo angst situation, I will say that though the misunderstanding between Rudo and Follo and Follo's grief for the loss of his hammer is easily my number 1 surprise, seeing Noerde and the Sileia tribe mentioned again intrigues me as well.

Noerde seems to have been known by Mildretta, who was also a Sileia, it seems... Or at the very least, Mildretta had heard of Noerde from somewhere. Also Mildretta's another tough woman. I was wondering when we'd see more of her and today I got my answer.

Now, unto Follo!

I am tempted to just dump this stuff in your face, but NO.

No. I will not. I must resist my urge to curl into a ball.

We know that Follo has been wanting to become a Giver this whole time. We can see clearly from his memories here that his goal and dream has been cast aside at best and insulted at worst.

His hammer was his chance. He had taken good care of it... Until he offered it to Rudo to break the chest.

Follo himself had made the proposal, but in the moment his hammer broke, he realized that he hadn't really been ready for the possibility of the hammer breaking.

This has probably been eating him up from the inside. His chance of becoming a Giver broke in front of him, and he has been feeling guilty because it's happened due to his own will of helping Rudo.

He wants to take pride in being a supporter. He really does. He thinks that being a supporter is just as important as being a Cleaner, but hasn't being a supporter who supports the Cleaners no matter what deprived him of his treasured hammer?

And also... Rudo has just rejected his offer of an undamaged uniform. This just rubs further salt into the wound.

A "supporter"? Can he even support the Cleaners right? Should he? He wants to be a Giver after all, and what happened due to his diligence to the cause just deprived him of his treasured item that was the key to his aspirations...

What is his place? He is feeling like he cannot be the hero of the story no matter what he does.

Rudo, on the other hand?

Guys, we're talking about "if it's broken, I will still use it until it's truly disintegrated and until then it's not trash" Rudo.

Of course he wouldn't want a new uniform. It got damaged? Not a big deal for him, he can patch it up, he doesn't mind, it's not like it's trash after all.

Nothing is trash to him.

He can't throw it away just because it's damaged.

Of course he said no to Follo's insistence.

And yet Follo probably doesn't understand. Maybe it's also due to the way they seem to have been raised, which is also the reason why I think it has been much harder so far for Follo to awaken a Jinki.

Rudo has had an empty hole inside of him for as long as he can remember, which was filled by his gloves. Follo doesn't really have the same characteristics of Rudo: his body and soul don't crave an object or someone to rely onto as much as Rudo's do. Follo does WANT a Jinki, but not with the same exasperation that makes up Rudo's heart's NEED for a Jinki.

Alternatively, Rudo's been shown as being more versatile, so to speak, compared to Follo. Rudo's soul craves the awakening of pretty much ALL he touches, at least potentially. He can awaken every object that has emotional energy stored inside of it as a Jinki.

Follo cannot do that, it's pretty clear to see. And when he is given a Jinki? Remember what happens? Zodyl may look creepy at times and very intense, but he's spot on when he says that people who try to use a Jinki when they are not the user of the Jinki themselves, or when they are not "empty" enough, they go mad. They are meeting despair derived from the object being away from what they consider a suitable friend, and they are overwhelmed with the feelings of the object. At least from what we can deduce.

"Emptiness" and "trauma", in short, make it much, much easier for someone to bring a Jinki into life. They make it easier for the person's and the Jinki's energies to join in order to reach a balance.

And while Follo's life has been riddled with struggle, I can clearly see that, it WILL take some more time before he gest his own Jinki. It's not that he has no chance of getting one, it's just that he does not have the same constitution as, say, Rudo or Amo or Zodyl, so it will be more difficult.

But maybe this will be the episode, this one misunderstanding, that transforms Follo into someone that an object may feel tempted to, so to speak, complete?

EDIT: ALSO Givers are Givers for their objects. That is to say, one shouldn't become a Giver BECAUSE that way they will gain approval for doing something because they're finally "special" enough to do that thing. Givers simply BECOME. They just BECOME their role, not for a purpose but because of the way they feel and interact with objects in their surroundings.

Again, Follo was probably close to becoming one. So close! He treasured the hammer and took care of it with perseverance. But he did it because otherwise people would be skeptical about him being in the Cleaners. He did it to prove a point... And not necessarily because HE loved the hammer, but because SOMEONE ELSE WHOM HE LOVED had the hammer (see the boy with the lighter hair that says he will become a Giver while holding the hammer? on the fourth page?) and a similar goal.

Follo is not fully living for himself.

[12romy]

1644 lewis mpreg pls 🙂‍↕️ or even just a kid blurb

Okayyy, here we go, it took a bit long cause it got out of hand lmao, so here's 2k of pregnant Lewis... You're even getting smut. As a little treat ^^

Hope you enjoy~

Lewis is a little shocked as he gets out of the doctor’s office, blood work in his hand and all sorts of pamphlets he’d never think he’d ever get for himself.

Pregnant, the doctor said. He came here because he had been feeling under the weather for a few weeks and the team doctor suggested it.

He didn’t even know- he’s forty-two, for fuck’s sake. Male carriers usually stop being fertile around thirty-five, so he stopped taking the pill five years ago. It should’ve been safe.

That’s why he and Charles don’t use any kind of protection.

But it turns out he’s sixteen weeks pregnant and hasn’t even noticed. He’s not showing at all, although the doctor says it tends to happen when the parent is unaware they’re pregnant. Now that he knows, it should start showing soon.

Amongst the pamphlets, he’s also got a picture of the echography. Apparently, they’re healthy, and well developed – although a little small.

He’s got exactly one week to decide if he wants to get an abortion – and he’d only be allowed to do it because even if it’s supposed to be too late, it is a risky pregnancy. The life-threatening type at worst, but “on bed rest as soon as he hits the third-semester” type at best. He’s way past the average age of male pregnancy, although it’s not completely unheard of.

He walks back home. He needs to clear his head, and he’s struggling to understand exactly what is going on.

God, what is he even going to tell Charles? Their apartment in Monaco, like every place in Monaco, is only big enough for the two of them – between their offices, music rooms, and race sims. They’ll need to move if they decide to go through with this... Wow.

This is too much.

He can hear Charles rummaging in the kitchen as he enters, and the smell of food hits him, making him realise he’s famished.

“Welcome back, mon amour,” Charles smiles, and wraps his arms around Lewis before kissing him on the cheek. “Are you okay, you seem off… Is it bad? Did the doctor find something wrong? Lewis, is it curable, are you okay?”

Lewis forces a smile on his lips. “I’m okay,” he croaks out. “Nothing bad, just uh… Can we sit?”

Charles nods and kills the fire under the food before sitting at the table. Lewis wordlessly fishes the pamphlets and pictures out of his backpack and dumps everything on the table.

Charles frowns, looks at it, and then in the middle of it, finds the echography. He holds the picture with trembling hands.

“Is this- Lewis,” he stutters. “Are you pregnant?”

Lewis nods wordlessly, fearing Charles’ reaction. They’ve been together for years, but haven’t talked that much about having kids, other than in a theoretical, distant future thing.

Lewis is clearly worried for nothing because Charles melts into tears.

“I- You’re pregnant,” he repeats, sobbing, and it finally gets to Lewis who starts crying as well. He couldn’t cry in the doctor’s office, even when he saw the echography in front of him, on the screen. He’s crying now. Charles is holding his hand, and they’re both letting tears run down their cheeks freely.

“I’m pregnant, yeah,” he breathes out, and suddenly it becomes real. They’re gonna be dads.

“I- what do you want to do?” Charles asks once his sobs quieted down. “It’s your choice.”

“I- don’t know,” Lewis shakes his head. “I don’t know what to do, Charles… I’ve got a week to decide, the doctor said it’s gonna be risky. But I never thought I could- I want this so bad.”

“You have to think about yourself first, okay? You’re an athlete, I know how much our bodies matter in our line of work. You’re the priority. It’s up to you, alright?”

“It’s not just up to me!” he protests. “It’s gonna be your kids, too! We haven’t even talked about wanting children, and maybe it’s too soon for you…”

“Kids?” Charles frowns. “What do you mean, kids?”

“Well, yeah. That’s why it’s risky, having twins at my age is not the safest, and…”

“Twins?” Charles gasps. “But- there are two of them? I only saw one picture!”

“Yeah… It’s two girls.”

Charles goes through all the pictures again, including the ones where you can see both babies together, and starts crying again.

“I- okay, let’s talk about what you want,” Charles says once he gets a hold of himself.

“I- I’ve always wanted to be a dad,” Lewis confesses. “Never thought I’d be the one pregnant, of course… I mean, I wasn’t supposed to be fertile anymore by the time we got together. I had made my peace with that.”

“Does being pregnant scare you? Does it bother you?”

“No, it’s… I feel so lucky.” They stay silent for a moment before Lewis speaks again. “What about you? Would you… feel ready to have kids?”

“I do, yeah,” Charles nods. “I know we haven’t talked much about it, but I really want to have kids. But we can also have them later, through other means, if this is too much for you.”

“It’s not- I- I’m still processing everything,” Lewis says. “But I think I want to keep them.”

“That’s… that’s amazing,” Charles smiles. “Incredible. You’re incredible. Let’s take the week, okay? You said you had a week. Wait, how far along are you? We didn’t see anything!”

“Apparently, the babies are hiding, that’s why we didn’t notice… That’s also probably why I had more back pain recently.”

“It’s a good thing this is the summer break, we can take our time to figure it out.”

*************************

As the doctor said, Lewis' stomach starts showing in the next few days. It’s freaky, how he goes from a flat belly to a little bump, then a more obvious one. Charles is all over him – hesitant, at first, but when Lewis tells him three days after finding out that he’s sure he wants to keep them… Well, Charles’ hands are on his belly whenever he can. It’s very sweet and very cute. Charles even starts talking to their babies, murmuring sweet words against his stomach.

Lewis can tell the sight also turns Charles on. It’s a bit difficult to miss, the way he’s staring at the bump, and at Lewis in general. Not that he doesn’t do it usually, but this is – more intense.

At the same time, he can also tell Charles is extremely careful with him, which is probably why they didn’t have sex once since they found out about his pregnancy.

And Lewis is tired of it. He’s horny, alright.

He gets tired of it after a week and ends up simply cornering Charles. To make it even less unsubtle, he waits for the right moment, which is right as he exits the bathroom, only wearing a towel around his waist, showing off the bump that keeps being more and more obvious.

Charles panics, blushes, and tries to look away, which is very cute, and very endearing. Lewis presses up a leg between Charles’ legs, smiling to himself as he feels his erection. It must be painful, really. He’s pretty sure Charles took more showers these days only to jerk off.

“I’m kind of tired, of you avoiding me,” he whispers sweetly in Charles’ ear. “If you want something, you really should just ask.”

“I- don’t know what you’re talking about,” Charles mumbles. Lewis chuckles.

“You do know that pregnant people still have sexual life, right? In fact, with the hormones, I think I’m even hornier than usual. Just thought you should know.”

Charles makes a little strangled noise and squirms a little against Lewis.

“I- didn’t know,” he hesitates. “But… this is a risky pregnancy, the doctor said you needed to take it easy and all.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m asking you to take me right now on the ground for two hours straight,” Lewis teases. “We can get in a comfy bed, make it real good for you and for me… I do feel like getting fucked hard, but I’m sure we can find a way to make it happen.”

It seems like Charles’ brain has left by this point because he can’t seem to form any words. He does pull Lewis toward the bedroom, struggling to hide his excitement.

Lewis follows happily and lets the towel slip on the ground on the way. When Charles turns again, he yelps and stops to stare a bit more, before finally kissing Lewis with passion.

“I’m wearing way too many clothes for this,” he complains and proceeds to strip. Lewis sits on the bed to enjoy the show – although it’s not much of a show with how hurried Charles is. He still enjoys the view, and shamelessly jerks off to it.

The second Charles is out of his pants, Lewis pulls him toward the bed and enjoys the feeling of skin-on-skin contact as Charles straddles him. God, he has missed this. He kisses him hungrily, the two of them rubbing against each other in an almost desperate way.

“Okay, how are we doing this? Maybe you’ll be better on your back?” Charles asks. “Or on the side, maybe?”

“Depends on you, but you’ll get a better view if I’m on my back.”

That seems to convince him, because the next thing he knows, Charles has gently pushed him further on the bed and is peppering kisses all over his chest and belly. Lewis will never get tired of the way Charles is looking at him right now. He’s never looked more in love, which is saying a lot because he never thought it was possible.

Charles is softer than ever when it comes to prepping him and keeps asking if Lewis is comfortable or needs anything. While this is very cute of him, it also gets old a bit quickly. Lewis is reaching the end of his patience.

“I swear to god, Charles, if you don’t fuck me soon, I will do it myself and you’ll have to watch,” he threatens.

“I just want to make it comfortable for you,” Charles pouts, an adorable expression on his face. Lewis is positively melting – but, he is also done with waiting. Charles has spent a long time stretching him, driving him insane, on edge, and more than ready.

When Charles doesn't get on the move, Lewis grabs him by the wrists, grins, and flips their positions.

“Alright, babe, you had your chance, I’m taking control now,” he purrs. He can feel Charles shiver under him, and he moans loudly when Lewis sits on his cock with one smooth movement.

“Fuck, Lewis!” he gasps, hips bucking up unwillingly and driving his cock further into him. Lewis whines, the movement nailing his prostate, and slowly starts to move up and down Charles’ cock.

“That’s the idea,” he grunts, and Charles finally gets the message. He starts to push back against Lewis, burying himself into him and sparking pleasure with each motion.

Lewis is more sensitive than usual, he finds out, and he already feels close after a few thrusts. He is a goner the moment Charles wraps a hand around his cock, his other hand resting over his belly.

He lets out a cry of pleasure and comes hard all over Charles’ head. Charles follows right after, probably from the way Lewis’ muscles spasm around him.

“I can’t believe it,” Charles sighs with please, breath ragged. “You’re so beautiful… So beautiful, mon amour.”

Lewis chuckles and slowly eases off Charles with a wince.

“Fuck, are you okay? You should’ve taken it easy!” Charles freaks out, immediately, and Lewis smiles.

“I am perfectly fine. I wanted a good fuck, and I got it. I do expect you to do more work next time, sweetheart. And once again, I am not made of glass.”

“Well, yeah, but you’re carrying our babies… Sue me for wanting to take care of you,” Charles pouts again.

“You’re perfect,” Lewis sighs, overwhelmed with affection. “I love you.”

“I love you too. All three of you.”

They cuddle. Charles is the big spoon, a protective hand over Lewis’ stomach. Lewis doesn't sleep but dozes off a little. He is woken up by the strange sensation of something moving in his belly. He's taken aback, at first, scared and worried about the foreign feeling.

“Did I actually feel that?” Charles exclaims, and Lewis frowns.

“The… thing, right now? You also felt it?”

“I think one of the babies kicked! Holy shit!”

Lewis can't believe it. So that’s what it was! A kick! The realisation brings tears to his eyes, this time.

“It’s a bit early for kicks, isn’t it?” Lewis hums, not knowing if he should be happy or concerned about it.

“I mean, it’s our daughters we’re talking about. It’s not that surprising. Maybe they’re just in a hurry to get into a kart,” Charles jokes.

“They are not getting into a kart before they’re like, twenty,” Lewis declares, and Charles snorts.

“They’re our kids. Trust me, if they want to be in a kart, they will be.”

“I guess you have a point,” Lewis beams. He feels two more kicks, and it almost feels like it’s an answer.

God saves the paddock from their little Hamilton-Leclerc menace - he's pretty sure Charles with fight him for the order of their last names, but he's not gonna lose so easily.

That's a problem for later, however. For now, Lewis simply lets Charles hold him close and decides to doze off a bit more.

Don't hesitate to send more chewis prompts!

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

5. The First Draft: Just Write.

Finally—the notorious writing!

There’s no right or wrong way to write. I know there are countless guides on writing and outlining and whatnot and they absolutely do have merit, but since you’re just starting: just write. 

At this point, you’ve already done most of the things a more seasoned writer does more consciously: you developed your idea, you have your plot, and you more or less know where you’re going. That’s all you need, so let’s start writing. Honestly, don’t be shy—open a new document and write down what comes to your mind. You can worry about style and expertise later. For now, you just want to put your ideas into proper words and sentences and bring your plot together. You can start from the beginning and work your way down to the end, but nothing’s keeping you from starting wherever you like. Maybe you want to write that one scene you can visualise so clearly first, or start with the very last sentence of your fic. You can put all the pieces together later. Again: Do whatever works best for you! 

As you write you’ll run into issues. A scene might not quite work out or requires some more prelude. A sentence might sound weird. You might realise that your plot has holes. Don’t hang yourself up on these things—you can always solve those problems later. And then you’ll run into more issues, but you’ll solve those, too. Don’t worry about anything but writing for now—I’m actually proposing you be a little mindless here! In your first draft, you’re usually just dumping everything you have, so, naturally you’ll think it’s the Worst Thing That’s Ever Been Written, but it’s not. You made something from nothing and you will make that something into a Good Thing: a finished draft, a great story. The real magic happens when you revise your draft, sometimes over and over again. 

“But what if the words won’t come, Emi? And what if you’re wrong and I break every writing rule in existence?” You ask. 

I say: Fuck the rules. Fuck around and find out! Nobody’s gonna send you to writing prison (though, there might be some people who DO think they’re the writing police. But fuck them, too, honestly. Of course, there’s a huge difference between constructive criticism and policing you!).  

Maybe you’ve heard of the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night.”? It’s part of the opening line of a 19th-century novel, and people love to talk shit about it. This phrase is generally known to be a synonym for “bad writing” (especially bad fanfic writing, these days); it’s “too much tell, no show”—but we don’t care about that. “It was a dark and stormy night.” is a great phrase. You want to make words? Well, then give me words. Tell me everything. Tell me what colour the curtains were, and tell me exactly how that tree looked and how that character felt when they got incinerated by the “full, concentrated power of the sun”. The night was dark and stormy, you say? Cool. What else was it? What night are we talking about? Who was there? What did they do? Were they alright once morning came? 

If you don’t want to tell me, tell yourself, then….and oh, look at that! You filled another page with beautiful words. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t end up using all those words in your final draft (you won’t), but it matters that you wrote and got a feeling for them. It also matters that you can explain to me or—even better yet—yourself why those words were necessary, while others were not. That’s how you go from just writing to finding your style, what you like and what you don’t like. You’re the first reader of your story and it’s only natural to be your own worst critic but don’t let it get to your head. Writing is all about figuring things out—so keep asking your questions!

Now that you got down to writing, your questions will change. While you started out asking your ideas “What happens next and why?”, you’ll now ask yourself “Does this line sound good? Wait…does it even make sense? Oh, what if I found a different word for this?”—and that’s exactly where you want to be. See? You’re doing just fine!

Next: Art or Garbage?

Masterlist

[chipper-asks]

Hi! I've been following you for a good while now and have always rly admired the community you've build, and, your art itself, obviously, it's always very cozy in here. May be a strange question, but as a relatively popular artist on the interned, are there any tips you could share on how to engage and sustain an audience? maybe you know some recourses for artist to get their art seen? I've been an artist posting online for roughly 10 yrs and pretty much failed at accumulating any sort of prominent presence. I don't feel bad about it really, it's not why I do art per say, but these are pretty rough times and unfortunately other means of art monetization grow thinner with stupid updates & algorithms forcing anyone who can't afford payed adds or subscriptions out of business. I kinda have to make use of social media, even if it's not my element in the slightest. Feel free not to answer if you feel like it. Thanks in advance! Also big thanks for your shouts of my art overall, I really appreciate your support!

So I've had a post in my drafts for who knows how long detailing how to build and curate your audience online. But I haven't found a good way to go about posting it because I didn't want it to come off as tooting my own horn xD

BUT YOU HAVE ENABLED ME SO HERE WE GO!!!

(im going to generalize, you may already be doing some of these things but I think its good info for anyone who wants to build an online presence)

1. Engaging your audience

A: First, you have to think of the platform you're sharing your art on and what people use it for. Not even tumblr, but the internet as a whole. It is a place where people form communities and share information. It's also one of the most popular ways to mentally escape; from school, boredom, to the horrors of real life.

So if you want people to find you, make a space where they can escape/feel community.

This means: No callout posting, no venting, no doom posting, no politics, no guilt posting, no anything that would make you unfollow someone else if you were having a bad day.

It's okay to have an occasional vent or political post cause we're human, but trauma dumping is something thats very hard for someone else to read and honestly should you be putting that kind of information online, the internet is a place of community but it also isnt safe.

B: The Value of Fandoms

It's time for some metrics, featuring my own follower count.

I've been on tumblr for 9 years and I have been making an effort to grow my base as a way of getting money as a freelancer (like you) so I started doing this allll the way back in highschool. I can remember each milestone and which fandom I got them in

1,000 I got when I was posting stuff for Undertale

2,000 I got when I was posting stuff for The Property of Hate

there was a big break between these milestones where I was just drawing ocs and object heads and stuff, but nothing I was hyperfixated on

5,000 I got from Hollow Knight

but then something really unexpected happened.

In late 2021 and early 2022 I decided cringe was a worthless social construct and decided to fully indulge in my enjoyment of doodling dragons.

I juuust inched past 5,000 when 2022 started. I Ended Up With 12,000 as 2022 ended. That's more than double. As of posting this I am at 13,600 and its only February.

So how did that happen? I could tout along and say that it was simply luck and I wasn't really making an effort anyway but that's a big fuckin lie, i've been "selling out" this whole time (it's not fucking selling out to post in fandom. You like a thing? You go to the thing's community and post about the thing)

Posting in a fandom is essentially like, now bear with me, advertising for your blog. Fandom is where the eyes are and where the traffic goes. Big tags like #artistsontumblr #tumblrart #art are used OFTEN but they're too general and often people look for things that are specific. Fandoms like Hollow Knight, BNHA, Mob Psycho, The Owl House, etc are currently popping off and have a lot of traffic.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to join a popular fandom to post your work in to get followers, it just means that if you're into a show or a media, post it on your main art blog and don't make side blogs. Keep it all together

Why?

Because 5% of those fandom people stick around for YOUR STUFF and those 5% of people are the best goddamn people in the world. You want those 5% to see EVERYTHING you do and THEY'RE the ones who will recommend you to THEIR friends and do outreach on your behalf because they like YOU and not YOUR STUFF.

i fuckin love those guys

So as you hop from fandom to fandom, you're going to lose some people but that's fine. Everyone curates their experience online and if you head off in a direction they don't like then they can deal with it. The rest come along for the ride cause 1: they either really like your stuff or 2: are into the new thing you're getting into.

SO ANYWAY

posting in fandoms under one name is GOOD because it puts everyone in the same bucket that will see your stuff and there's a chance that a few will stick just for your stuff. It is not cheap, its how you reach out to people to help cheer up their day and escape from things stressing them out.

C: What should you post?

So this is something that isn't an exact science but if you're looking to increase your follower count, this is something you can keep in mind.

Because this is the internet and the digital word of escaping from stress, people flock to things that are

1: Familiar 2: Funny 3: Relatable

So i've already been over fandoms and that's something that goes into the Familiar category. Familiar can also mean generalized but still popular concepts, like werewolves, dragons, vampires, apocalyptic scenarios, etc.

The more you trail into something niche, like marine biology, the seelie/unseelie courts, object heads, etc, the less traffic you'll find. There are communities centered around these but they're not massive like certain fandoms.

Which is how you end up with artists who spend hours upon hours on every piece only getting like 14 - 32 notes per piece. It's not lack of people caring or lack of interest, its the fact that these artists haven't "advertised" their blogs in fandom. Those people who end up caring about more personal posts are those 5% you find from fandom spaces. Their Familiar from that fandom begins to include your artwork as Familiar and thus they're more likely to share it.

Funny is simple. Tumblr is a platform of shitposts and memes. Do you have a favorite character in a fandom? Shitpost them. 2 birds with one stone, Familiar and Funny. I can't teach you how to be funny, but if you see something that makes you laugh online, pause and try to find out why and see if you can replicate it. (You wont get it in one go)

Relate-ability is also simple. If someone finds something they can easily associate with they will eagerly tag #mood #me or @ one of their friends in the post.

What doesn't get people following just by itself is your skill.

This sounds really fucking depressing but hear me out.

Your skill in art is a multiplier. It can take those three categories from above and BOOST IT to fantastic new heights. People love things that are from their fandoms that are funny and relate-able. People go FERAL for shit that is from their fandoms that are funny, relate-able AND COOL AS FUCK. If art represented x5 in an equation and you have nothing else, you get 0. If you include any of those three other things and then x5, you get something grand.

2. Sustaining your Audience.

If you want to set up your blog as a platform to eventually gain freelance income from, you need to make it yours and not your audience's.

This is key to prevent burnout and feeling obligation to create for thousands of featureless faces and losing sight of what made you enjoy art in the first place.

It is REALLY EASY to fall into that pit, especially as you grow your audience. When you have a small audience, it's easier to interact one on one with someone. Engagement is exciting when you have a small audience! People? Interested in your work!! Fuck yeah!!

But as you reach those milestones, the vibe begins to change. More and more people demand your attention. People who are new don't see you as an artist they knew from another fandom, they see you as a content creator and that is the worst goddamn stone wheel to get stuck around your neck.

You can still respond to requests and answer silly questions, but now you have to keep in mind that if you draw this little dragon for someone, three other people are going to ask for their own little dragons. And that's fine because you love dragons and they asked so nicely. You make those dragons but now there's seven people asking for their own dragons and you actually want to work on something other than dragons-- but you made those dragon doodles for those other people so wouldn't it be hypocritical to say no-

It becomes a spiral.

So to prevent that situation from happening, you need to respect your boundaries as an artist and what you will do and what you will draw the line at. If someone doesn't like you for that, they can unfollow.

In terms of posting regularly to sustain your audience, i've found that it helps but ultimately doesn't matter.

(this is a tumblr centric view, i cannot say the same for other platforms)

The way tumblr works resembles a massive recycling facility. You will see shit on your dash from 7 years ago but you dont mind, its how this place works.

It doesn't matter how often you post. You won't lose priority on people's dashboards if you don't make your daily art post. What matters is that you just make the post.

Each post you make is like sending out a bucket of chum into the grand ocean of tumblr. The more buckets of chum you have, the more likely you are to attract fish. The more you post the larger your radius is. The more variety you make in spreading out to different fandoms the wider your range is. And these spots of chum don't go away! They're permanent brown spots in a big blue wasteland and fish will stumble across it and then try to find the source.

Basically, you can disappear for an entire month and then suddenly return out of nowhere and shove 57 posts into a week and then disappear again and people will show up and stick around.

THis post is getting really long and there are probably some things im missing but my hadns are getting achy and i think that's my call to stop :p

if you have anymore questions tho im very willing to answer 👍

[ruminate88]

Emotional Barriers:

What is this wall between us??? I look at my husband and think “He has to be a good one. Look at the peaceful life I now have since I’ve met him.” I think he’s got so much potential and quality as a person… What’s this wall between us?

I remind myself how Cody would put up a wall with me and I would knock it down and beg him to trust me… 😔🥺 It never stopped him from rebuilding it and eventually he ghosted me. Then when I’m with Andrew, one minute he’s extremely intimate towards me without boundaries. Sending me selfies from his shower, not holding back anything but then randomly disappears for days. Totally shutting me out with no contact. I felt he kept me at an arms length most of the time accept when randomly he would “reward me” with letting me close again.

After I started to date my husband, not even a month later, Andrew is back trying to FaceTime me and I felt he didn’t want me to be happy with someone else yet, Andrew says he has a “girlfriend” and rubs it in. Posting about her on his social media hoping I’ll see it and be jealous of her. (I was but I just didn’t understand it all) I cried so much that I thought my new man/husband would dump me for still having feelings for my ex. He didn’t though!!! He asked me to marry him less than 6 months later and we were married within 10 months!!!! It all happened so fast!!!!!! I KNOW I had to marry fast to get away from Andrew, otherwise, I would’ve been right back into his web of lies. It’s been hard to shake him.

So I ask myself, “What’s this wall in my marriage and who put it there?” 😓😓😓 Why do I feel so distant and far from him, when he’s always right beside me and even talking to me. Sometimes he’s telling me things about his day and smiling at me. I see kindness and gentleness in his eyes. Everything I ever wanted and yet I’m overly frustrated becuase I don’t feel it!!!!!!! I get in bed with him and I feel safe. I feel like he’s not a toxic person I can tell the difference. Yet he’s so far away and I have zero desire. I just look at him and think “he’s got so much potential to be everything I’ve ever dreamt about but what if I’m wrong??? What if he’s tricking me like the rest?????” I feel safe yet I don’t because I watch his every move. I listen to his every word. It’s frustrating!!! I constantly overthink, over analyze and compare him🥴

All I ever wanted was a family. People want me to be a mom and I’m scared. What if my husband is just lying to me and what if I’m so full of trauma that I pass it on to my kids??? Am I gonna hurt my husband the way I’ve been hurt??? Am I gonna be a good mom or am I gonna hurt my kids?? (Even tho I raised my bro’s kids and they turned out) 😭😭😭 I can’t ever get Andrew out of my system even when I try really really hard NOT to think of him. He feels ingrained into every part of me!!!

My hands are cold but my heart is fighting to keep warm. I’m fighting to keep the fire going inside of me. I’ve come so far!!!! The fact it’s been all these years later and I’ve not tried to seek revenge on either Andrew or Cody (or Jake). Sure, I’ve been sharing my story and talking so much about them. It’s no secret that not everything I have to say is positive 😓 I’m sorry but I can’t help that!!! The relationships were negative despite me wanting them to be positive. The days I begged Cody not to shut me out that I loved him and wanted to help him. He continually manipulated me asking me “to fix him.” He said that so many times and I actually thought I could help…. I actually believed the lie that I could love Cody enough to take care of his heart but I was very very wrong!!!!!!

Not enough love or hope in my heart can change cody or Andrew. They will either change for someone or they won’t. Maybe they don’t believe they need to change… maybe they believe everything is just great?? Ok, sure. I won’t say they’re wrong. I’ll accept it if they believe nothing is wrong and that what we went through together was no big deal… I don’t want to ever argue with them cuz it’s not worth it to me to prove them wrong. However, after Cody ghosted me, I was soooooo numb and cold. Wow 😓💔 I never felt so isolated or dark in my life!! Was as if somebody shut all the lights off and froze my heart over…. It wasn’t till I met Andrew that I felt anything at all. Then Andrew only lit my heart on fire to use me up and when he was done with me, he blew the fire back out and made me cold again. 🥶

I’ve been fighting ever since!!!!!! Fighting not to be cold. Not to lose who I truly am. Not to lose love, forgiveness and hope. I won’t give up on myself or my dreams. My husband doesn’t deserve for this wall to be between us but he also doesn’t force it down. Either he just doesn’t see it or he doesn’t know what to do. (Or he doesn’t care but I don’t believe that) One day at time is all I can do moving forward ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[hyenagurl]

This sounds mean but is coming from a well-meaning place: why are you upset about that moid coworker. So he was nice to you, until you come to work with hickeys (kinda trashy but we’ll let it slide) and now he’s a dick. So he’s nice until he is shown evidence you had a romantic encounter with someone else. This moid is the equivalent of “add nice tokens until sex comes out.” The fact he switched up so fast the second he thought you fucked someone else ⁉️ He was never a nice guy, he never liked you, he wanted to smash and that’s it. He doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you as something to be used and discarded- once he saw someone “used” it first, he moved directly to discarding. Use your head babe, he showed his true colors. xx luv ya

no no youre right but 😭 well it just sucks to have someone show their colors like this. part of what hurts is that it really was night and day, like a complete 180, and nobody notices but me and insists its just bc he got dumped when this started happening well before that…

ive been keeping my eye on him too. hes friendly with everyone. it feels like hes going out of his way to chat everyone up - and then when im talking to someone nearby he does his best to look away. yesterday i did something bad mannered without thinking about it (tore open a packet of aspirin, spat out a piece of it😭) and he came over and was like “why would you do that, that was disgusting and inappropriate.” he has never lectured me like that. and it was the first time he spoke to me in like days. i thought he was joking!

but that was not the worst. today it came to a head, i saw him smirking and i snapped. i asked to speak to him privately (after him initially ignoring me, with an “i guess… 🙄”) and we went to the back. he kept working while i was trying to speak to him, and when i moved in front of him, he could barely even look me in the eye and he had this big dumb nervous grin on his face, and kept laughing like “haha whats the problem? 😅” granted i kept him off guard and i honestly hadnt meant to, but still. i couldnt believe how rude he was being, even if he was nervous. he used to be so courteous!

i was angry and fighting back tears bc i would literally rather die than cry in front of a man like that, so i kept my voice as calm as i could be and was like “whats going on? i understand youre going through something hard rn, but it feels like somethings wrong between us and idk why.” he brushed it off again, still laughing and smiling, and i said “well youve been acting differently for weeks, and you only speak to me now just to lecture me.” he rambled some more bullshit, like “idk sometimes i just dont have anything to say.”

yeah, right. if theres not a problem, then who just has nothing to say to someone in a matter of a DAY?

i couldnt do anything with that and i was pretty upset, so i just told him id be here when he was ready to talk and made sure to stay away from him. then after weeping in the group chat, i was a huge mess, and then my other (male) but honestly sweet coworker saw and figured out what happened and comforted me..

okay so yeah. this is whats so upsetting. its not so much i miss our flirty dynamic - its that a coworker is pulling psychological petty high school bullshit over seemingly nothing - or worse, you and i are right, and hes icing me out for having a sex life! i feel like im going nuts!!!!