#nothing much even happened between us so why do I feel like I got dumped and trodden on?

[pix-writes]

Personal rant/post under cut

So I just got majorly ghosted by this guy who was giving me very flirty vibes, on the same course as me, only to find out he now has a girlfriend and that's why he suddenly stopped replying to my messages and looked all sheepish today on our last day of the course! Tried to not to let it sour the day but honestly I'm a bit cut up about it...

[midnightsimpsstuff]

WILDLOWER

WILDFLOWER by Billie Eilish

Spencer Reid x reader

Warning: angst, hurt/comfort (promise), JJ's confession to Spencer, toxic friendship, mention of break ups, happy ending.

Summary: After JJ confesses to Spencer that she is in fact in love with him, he is stuck in a tight spot and doesn’t want the reader to find out because you never knew he liked JJ so he broke up with you with no explanation. Because you are friends with JJ you happened to go to her to cry about the breakup not knowing she’s at fault.

A/n: I found out what Wildflower by Billie Eilish was truly about and I fell in love with the idea so I wrote something with the plot, so enjoy! LOL. There might be a part two so look out for that.

Word Count: 2.3k

Comments, shares and rebloggs are appreciated! :))

Had to add the inspiration ;)

You were walking back home, and your heart was more than broken, you didn’t think anything could be worse than this. Everything was fine before Spencer had gone on that stupid case! You knew he was kidnapped during it, you knew he wouldn’t want to tell you what happened but to break up? That was too far.

You took some time of work, you couldn’t go on, not in this state, your friend JJ, who had even introduced you to Spencer was the only friend of yours that didn’t have work at that moment, she was given a leave for reasons she hadn’t told you.

That was what brought you to her couch watching rom-coms, taking tubs of ice creams at once you just finished crying your eyes out on her shoulder, when you told her about how Spencer just dumped you for absolutely no reason, you felt as she tensed up. You were no profiler but you knew that she knew why but you won’t push her to tell you, in case it was a touchy subject and she kicks you out of her house.

Meanwhile, JJ knew she had never felt more guilty in her life, not when she returned home and she had to hug her kids and sleep side by side with Will, not telling him about the case a she usually would, not when she imagined Spencer was at her side not Will, or her kids looked like Spencer or how much they loved Spencer, and she wished she had known Spencer loved her back then she knew everything would be different.

She didn’t think Spencer would break up with you, it was a life or death situation there was nothing she could do but tell him, she felt instantly better when the burden was off her shoulders, she didn’t one bit think about how it could affect him, how it could affect you.

She comforted you though, trying to take her mind away from how you would act when you find out what she said, what she did, how it was her fault, all her fault, how you didn’t deserve this. You were a perfect fit for Spencer. You let him talk without interruptions, you didn’t use him to make your work easier, you didn’t give him sneaky insults or once tell him to shut up, but she did and she didn’t deserve the kindness both of you showed her endlessly.

You had gone home around the time Will had come back from work, JJ’s face was stuck on a look of despair, she made you feel better sure but when you told her ‘Thank you so much, Jenny. You know exactly how to make me feel better, you’re an awesome person and friend. Good Night!’ she froze at the door as she closed it watching you drive away with your car.

It wasn’t fair on you, she felt like shit, Will had noticed her weird mood and tried to confront her about it but she lashed out at him and went straight to her room. Discarding the takeout that Will had gotten from her and their kids’ favourite store she couldn’t help but subconsciously think about Spencer bringing you home takeout from your favourite food store if not for her and her big mouth.

She should have never loved him in the first place, especially since she got you both together.

Spencer and JJ had returned back to work the two weeks after, everyone in the BAU saw the change in dynamic between both of them, and they noticed Spencer’s mood had ultimately dampened and his migraines weren’t the only reason.

Spencer had suffered the two weeks without you, it was just taking a break from each other, and he secretly hoped you would find out what JJ had said so you would understand that it wasn’t his fault.

Your heart would be crushed and his and your friendship would be crushed, because you would have asked him if he loves JJ back and he honestly doesn’t know. He loves her as a friend for sure but as more? He’s not sure.

He already knew he was going to go over to your place that evening and explain everything to you, he had a feeling you didn’t know if not you would have barged into here a long time ago. He knows you, you don’t know how to keep your anger in check you would have come to confront her right there right then.

He let out a soft sigh. It was lunch break now, he had already ordered the flowers you adored so much to your house. When you get back from work you would see them and when you change and get comfortable you would see him. Hopefully, you would take him back even though he knew that was unlikely he really hurt you.

As he was about to get to his seat, JJ stopped him and he couldn’t help the eye roll he did, he wasn’t on the best terms with her at the moment he was going to make up with her when he has completely made up with you.

“Spencer, I am so sorry about your breakup, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” JJ had started with not noticing how loud she had said it now everyone was listening to them but they didn’t make it obvious.

His eyebrows furrowed, not only because of her pitch but also how did she know? “How do you know, I never told anyone that-“ then it clicked. He never knew she had it in her to be this much of a bitch. But he didn’t want to jump into conclusions.

“She told you didn’t she? But did YOU tell her?” He didn’t care if anyone heard at this point he was pissed. Really? Confess your love to your friend’s boyfriend and comfort her about him.

“I am sorry about everything about everything but you know I couldn’t do that to her.” JJ looked down to the floor in shame, her eyes were watering but she knew she didn’t have the right to be crying at that moment. He couldn’t believe he thought he loved her.

He walked away from her, he looked angrier that before but that subsided when he realised he could go home. He had never done anything as fast in his life, he packed his bag, practically ran out then began driving straight to your house.

You had just arrived at home seeing a huge bouquet of your favourite flowers at your front your door you knew who it was from. You unconsciously smiled before your face dropped remembering the break up, you sighed before carrying it inside your house. Dropping it on your coffee table, you realised it had a note but you weren’t in the right frame of mind to read it yet.

You went to quickly shower, change into something by far more comfortable. Before plopping on your couch, deciding to read the note.

            Dear Y/N it was inconsiderate of me to break up with you without explaining first, I am coming over after work to explain everything to you. If you don’t want me to come over just text me. Love you, Spencer.

It wasn’t his handwriting, he must have sent it over, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Funny of him to think you still had his number.

As you began watching something on your TV, you heard your doorbell ring, you went to open it.

“Start talking bitch.”

You sat on the chair opposite Spencer, he had just finished explaining everything to you and your mouth was currently agape. You began backtracking you finally understood. That’s why her body kept going rigid.

She loved Spencer. She had a husband yet she loved Spencer. She had kids yet she loved Spencer. Spencer had a girlfriend yet she loved Spencer. Spencer’s girlfriend was someone she considered a best friend yet she loved Spencer. She was extremely beautiful, knew Spencer way longer than you and Spencer once liked her like seven years ago and now she was in love with him. Spencer is the godfather of her child and she loves him?!

You were no more shocked, the reality of the situation was dawning on you, softly laughing to yourself about everything. “You don’t love her back, right?” you didn’t know what you would do if he said he does but the moment the question came out of your mouth. Spencer shouted no so loud you flinched.

His face was now pink from embarrassment, “No, I don’t, not anymore, not again it’s just you I love and want to love.” He said meeting your eyes with a smile.

His eyes began doing that drawing in puppy dog eye thing it usually did when he wanted to get something he wanted, you knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it sure felt like he did because how could you not take him back when he is doing his face that way.

You walked over to him, your face was neutral, and he didn’t know what you were going to do. When you stood beside him you held his face, caressing his skin as he looked up at you his eyes still doing the thing. You slapped him really hard, “That’s for hurting my heart for the past two weeks.” Then you crouched down to him giving him a passionate kiss. “That’s because you went out of your way to explain and apologize and because I love you.

His face still hurt but he was sincerely happier now he had you back. You went away to get your phone to send a quick message to JJ.

‘We need to talk, come over tomorrow.” you sent her. You gave your phone to Spencer so he could see the message. His face visibly tensed, “Are you ending your friendship with her?” he asked. He’d feel pretty bad, you two have always been so close.

“No, we just need to talk some things through. Don’t worry my love” you said as you took a seat in his lap and as he drew circles on your thigh.

“Should I end my friendship with her?” Spencer asked shyly, he felt like you would say no but he did really value JJ as a friend so it might hurt a bit.

“Do you want to?” you asked him, you were just playing with him finding it funny as his face began changing from thoughtful to fear. He felt like it was a trick.

He feebly nodded, you smiled “Then no, Spencer. That won’t be fair on you. You two have been friends longer than I knew you” you told him while looking at him with love.

Everything was better and looking up for you.

But with JJ she felt her heart leap out of her chest as she read your message, she just read it again and again and again. The face of Spencer’s fury and your sad face was in her head she didn’t know what to do she didn’t want to lose any of you but she knew what was coming.

She just came between a good relationship because of her stupid feelings. She would have cried even more if she wasn’t tired of crying.

After getting the message from you she got enough courage to tell Will about everything. He reacted better than she thought he would have, although he was mad. When she had assured him she doesn’t love him anymore and only loved Will. He wasn’t so mad anymore but he asked for a bit of space because the way she had been neglecting him throughout the weeks she was at home and he said it’s best she knows what it felt like a bit.

JJ without fail had come to your home the next day, immediately after work. Texting Will about where she would be. She didn’t get a response though he left her on read, but she understood she had hurt many people and it was beginning to come on her.

You opened the door smiling at her. JJ wanted to cry, why were you smiling, did you not know, did you know and weren’t angry, she doesn’t know whether you and Spencer got back together. But she knew she couldn’t take it any longer.

“Y/N, I have something to tell you…” she stated while motioning her head inside as if asking if she could come in. You moved away so she could seat in on your couch.

You already knew and you felt touched she wanted to come clean. You looked at her expectantly waiting for her to speak.

“I confessed my love to Spencer on our last case, I think that’s why you two broke up.” She was fiddling with her ring.

“I already apologized to him, and to Will and I felt it’s time to apologize to you, I don’t want to lose any of you. I am so sorry I got you two together, I am sorry I pulled you both apart, I am sorry you trusted me enough to cry to me about what happened. I don’t deserve you.”

When she finally looked up at you, she realised you didn’t look angry. “Spencer told me.” You said. She felt something in her stomach drop. “You knew the whole time?” she asked, now she felt this was a plan for you to become the next unsub.

But instead your eyes widened, “No, he told me yesterday. Relax.” You said rubbing her back.

“I forgive you don’t worry. I want my friend back. You two hugged and she held unto you tighter than she had ever done before. Spencer watched you two from the kitchen.

This is how it’s meant to be.

[awkness]

Serial killer! Platonic! Yandere Older Brother & Genderneutral Teenage Reader (Part 2)

(Part 1)

As reader tries to adjust to their new life without their father, a number of concerning incidents occur, including off-putting behavior from your brother, prevents that from happening. But despite everything, you make a new friend. Surely, this can only mean good things for you, right? Things must be looking up!

Content warnings: implied murder, manipulation, domestic abuse, briefly mentioned alcoholism and child abuse, and general yandere shenanigans. If I missed anything here, please let me know :3

Authors note: lmao I have no excuse for being this late I'm just slow. This was originally supposed to be the last chapter but it got too long so I had to split it up. It feels like a bit of filler but I promise we'll get to the good stuff soon it just needs some set up. Part 3 should be the last part so I'll try not to be too slow uploading (<- lying)

There were very few things about your father you liked, but his house was one of them. It was something he had inherited from his father, who Ben would inherit as soon your father could be pronounced legally dead. It came with a master bedroom, two normal bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, a kitchen, the basement, and an attic.

The attic was something you had always been fascinated with as a child. It was spacious, fully insulated and even had an openable window. It could have been a bedroom all on its own. As a child, you had often daydreamed of moving your stuff up there, utilizing the bigger space for blanket forts and storing all the toys your little heart could desire. In reality, it was used in the same way the basement was, except it stored much more valuable items. Holiday decorations, clothes, old valuables that had no room to be displayed, and whatever family heirlooms your late father kept were shoved up above your head, taking space that could have been used for you. You had thought you had grown out of this fantasy, content with the room you had, but with your father gone and your brother running the house, the childhood dream had crept its way back into the front of your mind, tempting you with visions of a bigger, cooler room.

So, after working up the courage, you finally asked Ben if you could move up there. It surprised you just how easily he said yes.

And now you're here, Ben helping you sort through trash and treasure alike as you both clear out the room.

You pulled an unlabeled box from the seemingly endless pile, the top covered in dust and cobwebs. You try not to think about how many spiders are in the room with you now. Cleaning them out will be a trouble for another day.

The box opens easily, cardboard weak from age, a musty smell emanating from within. You look inside, only to be left dumbfounded. Why were there women's clothes in here?

"Hey, Ben, do you know whose clothes these are?"

Ben looks up from his own box, a vaguely confused look on his face. As he makes his way towards your box, you watch it drop into a frown.

"Those are moms."

"Oh." Is all you can say.

An awkward moment passes between you two as Ben stares into the box, face strange as he becomes lost in thought. You decide to break the tension.

"Why do you think he kept them?"

He looks away from the box and towards you, his body slowly beginning to relax.

"He was always a sentimental man, I guess that's reason enough for him."

You let out a snort. "What's there to be sentimental over? She cheated on him, divorced him, and then dumped us on him. She's not exactly a woman worth pining over."

"I'm not arguing with you, but you remember how he was. Couldn't ever let anything go."

He began rummaging through it, quickly getting to the bottom before closing it back up.

"Nothing but clothes. We should probably donate this."

You give a nod as you watch him put it in the growing donation pile. That was going to be such a pain to bring down to the car.

Instead of thinking about that, though, you turn your head to the box that Ben was searching through before you called him over.

"Is this one mom's too?"

Before you get an answer, you take a peek inside, only to once again be at a loss for how something like this could be in your home.

Inside was an assortment of strange objects. A broken polaroid camera, a stained photo album, and an array of metal objects like locks, deadbolts, and... were those shackles?

Before you could make out any more objects, Ben had made his way to you and reached over to close the flaps of the box.

"I doubt it, probably just more junk he couldn't throw away."

He turned around to you and smiled, hands holding the flaps shut.

"Want to do me a favor and go start bringing the donation boxes to the car?"

"Ugh, why do I have to bring them down?"

"Because you're the one who wanted to move up here."

You glared at him as his smile turned into an amused smirk, before you finally gave a huff and picked up a box from the pile.

"Jerk."

"Brat." The smile never left his face.

With only moderate trouble, you navigated your way down the stairs and out the door, making your way to the car. Unfortunately, you had only realized you forgot the keys when you tried to open the door to pop the trunk open.

You quietly mumble curses under your breath as you set the box next to the car, ready to make the trip back inside. Instead, you go completely still as you catch a look at the people across the street.

It was a small group of high schoolers your age, maybe older, who go to your school. They were standing the the yard across the street, a few houses down, talking together to throwing glances in your direction. Your ears strain as they try to make out their incoherent babble. They couldn't have known about your situation, could they? Or at least, what the official story was. It had been over a month since that happened, it doesn't make sense that they would be talking about it now. But you were just moving boxes out of the house such a short time after it happened. That looks suspicious, doesn't it? Of course it does. Why did you have to ask to move into the attic now?

You had been standing like a deer in headlights, openly staring for what felt like minutes before one of them seemingly made eye contact with you. You avert your gaze down as you feel your cheeks grow hot and your hands grow sweaty. A chorus of laughter erupts from the group.

Without thinking, you rush up to the door, fling it open, and slam directly into Ben as he was carrying. You hear it hit the floor as you speed walk past him.

"Wha- Hey! (Y/N)! What happened?"

You didn't reply. You barely even heard his words. Panic had fully taken over and kept you moving away from Ben, away from the door, away from the outside world, and all the judgemental people it contained.

You finally make it to your room, shutting the door behind you, and seating yourself on your bed, trying to get your bearings. 

Tears begin stinging your eyes as your shaky hands try and wipe them away. You wonder if they were still laughing at you.

A soft knock comes from your door, and your body shrinks inward, unprepared for the upcoming talk.

"Kid? Can I come in?"

You don't reply. You know Ben is going to come in anyway.

He waits a beat before opening the door, his face the picture of concern. His footsteps are quiet, and his movements gentle as he sits next to you. You find your body leaning away from him.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

You shrug, turning your head away from him. Even if you did want to talk, you couldn't trust your voice right now.

"Alright, that's fine, we can figure it out together. Was it something to do with mom's clothes?"

You don't move. Maybe if you don't answer, he'll leave and let you deal with your embarrassment in peace.

"The attic?"

A pause.

"Something in the box you were carrying...? Or maybe something outside?"

You stiffen, and immediately try to make yourself relax. Maybe he didn't notice?

"Does this have something to do with the neighbors?"

Oh. Nevermind.

Despite your best efforts, your body language must have given you away again. You hear the bed creak as he gets up, the blinds rustling a moment later as he gives a huff.

"It's those kids across the street, isn't it?" His voice takes on an edge of irritation, and you feel yourself curl inwards again.

The bed shifts as he takes his seat next to you again, a comforting hand placed on your shoulder. His voice takes on the softer quality it had before.

"I can't help you if you don't help me, kid. Did they talk to you?"

You shake your head, trying to talk, but finding the words stuck in your throat.

"They-" Your voice falters and you clear your throat, barely able to speak above a whisper.

"They didn't have to. I could see them looking at me and laughing, I knew they were talking about me, just like all the neighbors do whenever they see us. It's like they know. And these-"

You sniff, snot beginning to run and throat burning as you talk. Ben squeezes your shoulder, and you continue.

"These people go to my school, Ben. They know me. When I have to go back, they'll talk and tell everyone and the whole school will know what happened. They'll treat me different, they'll ask questions, and I won't know what to tell them-"

Your quivering voice finally gives out, and you cover your face. Ragged, irregular breaths come out as you try to force back the wave of emotions you've just unleashed. Gently, Ben pulls you to his chest as he rubs your back, murmuring gentle reassurances you couldn't quite hear.

Moments pass until your breathing finally evens out, eyes dry but still red and puffy. You slowly pull back and he lets you, his face full of worry. His hand still remains on your shoulder, an ever-present weight.

"You've had this on your mind for a long time, haven't you?"

You give a feeble nod. The thought of having to return to school had been weighing on you, but you hadn't realized how bad it had been until now. The thought is almost enough to send you spiraling again.

"I don't want to go back."

Ben gives you a smile. "You don't have to."

Your mind freezes for an instant, any and all thought muddled into incohereency.

"What?"

"Why don't I sign you up for online school this year? I remember you talking about wanting to do it a couple of months back, so why not now?"

"I..."

Your brows furrow. You did tell Ben that you wanted to do online school a couple of months ago before summer started. But this wasn't a new wish. You had been dreaming of being homeschooled since you had dreamed of living in the attic. Troubles in finding friends and fitting in had always followed you throughout the years until you realized the futility of it all, and only dreamt of a home where you didn't have to leave, and Ben and you could spend your days in peace. But the reality of your father's abuse had made school a begrudgingly safe haven of yours and you had slowly given up on that dream, too. But now that it was fully within your hands, you found yourself hesitating. Why? There was no monster in your home anymore, you were safe, and there's no reason to say no.

"I don't know."

He smiled.

"It wouldn't have to be permanent, just for this year. And if you don't like it, I can reenroll you back into your old school, so your options are always open. Plus, you're right, (Y/N). I know how cruel kids can be, especially when they're confronted with situations and people they don't understand. I don't want you to face that if you don't have to."

You gnaw on your lip, unsure of what to say. Ben was right on all accounts, the things he was saying made sense, and yet you couldn't find yourself saying yes. Why couldn't you let yourself have this?

"Can I think on it?"

Ironically, it came out of your mouth before you could think at all.

He nodded, his good-humored smile still on his face. You let out a small breath, so glad to still see it there.

"Of course, kid, it's a big decision. Take your time."

He gave your shoulder one last pat before getting up.

"I'm going to move the rest of the boxes in the car and go drop them off. You want me to pick up dinner on the way back?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with whatever."

"Alright. Rest up, I'll be back soon."

Unable to say much else, you nod as he gives you one last smile before he heads out the door, closing it behind him.

You rub your eyes, your body slowly unwinding from the tension just moments prior, until it gives in and you lay down on your bed.

With nothing else left to do, you crawl under your covers, the familiar comfort of the soft and worn fabric soothing your nerves. Distantly, you hear the sound of Ben's footsteps as he makes his way back and forth from the attic, the familiar and comforting sound lulling you into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning was pretty uneventful. Ben was off at work while you continued clearing the attic, sorting out the junk and keepsakes, only occasionally getting scared by the stray spiders that had made their home in the crevices between the boxes.

By noon, everything was sorted, with the only thing left being to take the boxes to be donated or tossed in the trash. But you needed Ben to help you with that, so you found yourself heading down to the kitchen, heating instant noodles in the microbe, wondering what you were going to do until he got home.

Around this time is when you usually went to go check the mail, but since yesterday, the thought of having to leave the house left you with an uneasy feeling, tension building in your spine and shoulders the longer you thought of it. A part of you was ashamed that you couldn't even walk out to the mailbox without it being a big deal, and another, much larger part, found immense relief in the thought of abandoning the task altogether, and not having any more chance encounters like yesterday. The more you considered it, the more you found your body sagging in relief. Yeah, Ben can grab it when he gets home, you're sure he wouldn't mind. It's no big deal.

The microwave beeps and you grab the noodles, all thought of the outside quickly leaving your head.

You had just dumped the flavor packet in when you heard a knock at the door.

Your heart, ashamed you were to admit, skipped a beat, and you froze mid-action, breath catching roughly in your throat. Who could that be? Maybe that was Ben, and he had just forgot his keys? No, that's stupid, he wouldn't be home this early, and he never forgets his keys. With no other answers coming to mind, you quietly set the packet down and got up to the door to peek through the peephole.

On the other side of the door stood one of your neighbors, a kid your age. You see him the most often out of all of your neighbors, often doing yard work and tending to the flowers in his front yard. He was also the guy you caught staring at you the most. Well, maybe staring wasn't completely accurate, but whenever you looked his way, you two would usually make eye contact before one of you shyly looked away. You didn't know why, and it played havoc on your nerves. He wore a hoodie despite the summer heat and had an envelope in his hand. He looked nervous.

You pull away and bring your hand to undo the locks before stopping.

For one glorious, tempting moment, you picture yourself turning around, going back to your noodles, and taking them upstairs and away from the door to eat in peace until Ben comes home.

Instead, you undo the locks and open the door.

Your neighbor looks slightly taken aback like he didn't expect anyone to answer. You try not to notice.

"Hello?" You ask.

"Oh, uh, hi! I'm Alex, your neighbor. I live right next to you, the house to the right, well- uh, my right, your left. The one with the red car and lawn gnomes out front?"

He gestures sheepishly towards his house, face nearing the complexion of a tomato.

"Nice to meet you, Alex. I'm (Y/N)."

The social protocols of politeness take over, unable to fully pay attention as your mind stalls, still in a state of shock from the anxiety of the situation.

"(Y/N)? That's a nice name." He smiles at you before quickly looking at the ground.

He hands the envelope over to you, speaking as you look over it.

"Uh, I just wanted to drop this off. I think our mail got mixed up."

Sure enough, the envelope had your brother's name and address on it.

"Oh, thank you." You say lamely.

For a beat, you wonder if you should say something more. It felt wrong to just leave the conversation as it was and close the door, but what else were you supposed to say? Before you can think about it, he speaks again.

"I, uh, wanted to say that I heard about what happened to your dad, and I'm sorry."

Again, your heartbeat skips, and you stiffen, body alert, eyes wide. You probably look like a deer caught in headlights in front of him if he wasn't still looking at the ground. The thought would embarrass you if it weren't for the sharp spike of adrenaline hitting your veins.

"I... I had a dad like him too."

And just like that, your body pauses its panic response, and you find yourself fully focused on him as he continues.

"I thought it would be easier after me and my mom moved away, and it has been, but those kinds of experiences don't just go away, and I wanted to say that you aren't alone."

You still felt a little wired from the previous scares, you you felt a strange sense of ease slowly pass through you at his words.

You stare at him, as he stares down, no words passing between you two before you finally speak.

"Thank you."

You only hesitate for a moment before continuing.

"It has been rough, but it's been more of a relief than anything. It's nice not having to hide away in my room until he leaves."

He looks up, a small smile gracing his face as he finally relaxes.

"Yeah, it's nice not having to check to see if he passed out in the house again."

You find your lips quirking up. "Or having to check his pulse when he is passed out."

"Not having to worry about him throwing a fit whenever he runs out of beer despite him being the one who drank it all."

"Not having to constantly hide food in your room so you have a supply when he does throw his tantrums"

Alex gave a disbelieving laugh.

"Yours let you get food out of the kitchen? There was a lock on the fridge and pantry when I lived with mine."

Your smile widened into one of disbelief, amusement, and shock. "What the hell? Why?"

"Kept getting upset that the food would go missing. Worst part is, every time he got blackout drunk, he'd binge eat, pass out and get mad at us for eating all the food."

You couldn't help it. You started giggling, and he started giggling, unable to react in any other way to the absurdity of it all.

"Sorry! I really shouldn't laugh-" You began, failing to stifle the laughter.

"Don't be!" He said. "He's a stupid guy, you should laugh at him."

You both share the moment, the laughter slowly dying down as you both take your first good look at each other. In this moment, you see something you can't help but talk about.

"Is that a minecraft necklace?"

He looks surprised, but pleasantly so. He glances down before holding it up with a grin. The pendant was the shape of a creeper head.

"Yeah, I'm a big fan!"

He puts it back down and his demeanor changes back to being sheepish, but not painfully so like he was before.

"I have minecraft for Xbox and a spare controller at my house. If you want, you can come over and play?"

It was your turn to be nervous again.

On one hand, you wanted to say 'absolutely'. You couldn't remember the last time you got invited to hang out, and the thought of something as normal as playing a video game with a friend was something you needed. Well, maybe you couldn't call him a friend yet, but you feel like you could, given enough time. Plus, after being so afraid of your neighbors and leaving your house, having someone come up to you and act so warm and friendly made you feel soft. It was hard to say no to that.

On the other hand, you had the nagging, unnameable feeling that Ben would be, upset, but you couldn't think up any concrete reason as to why. In fact, if you focused on that feeling too long, your mind went blank.

Sure, you were going about out of the house without him knowing, but Ben has always been supportive of you. Sure, he's never really discussed rules about going over to a friend's house because the situations never come up, but he's fairly easygoing. You were sure that if you explained why you went, he would be understanding. Happy, even.

Plus, you were only going next door, you had your phone on you, and you would be back before Ben came home, so it's not like he had to even know what happened. Not that you wanted to lie to him, but something about that option comforted you more than any of the other things you listed.

Discomfort pushed aside, you gave a smile back to Alex.

"Sure thing, let me grab my phone."

It could have been the perfect hangout. Alex's mom was nice, bringing you two snacks and telling stories from Alex's childhood despite his embarrassment, as you two hung out in the living room while he helped you figure out the controls. Soon enough, you two were building a base together, laughing at each other as a creeper or sneaky skeleton would get kills on you both.

You were halfway through making the third story of the base when your phone started ringing. You felt your heart drop to your stomach when you saw Ben's picture on the screen.

"Shit."

You immediately pocketed in and got up.

"What's wrong?" He paused the game and looked up.

"I wasn't supposed to stay so late, my brother's probably home by now."

You went over to the window and peeked through the blinds, and as fate would have it, you saw his car in the driveway.

You hear Alex speak from the couch, voice slightly concerned.

"You're not going to get in trouble, are you?"

That was the question, wasn't it?

"I... don't think so. Maybe? I've never been out late before."

"If you want, I can come with you and explain what happened. I'll take the blame."

Despite your growing worry, you felt a pang of gratitude come through. You gave a small smile.

"That's okay, he'll probably be a little mad, but I don't think it's that serious."

You headed to the door, Alex following behind.

"Hey, on the chance you don't get grounded or whatever, here's my phone number."

You look back and see him scribbling on a piece of paper before he hands it over to you. You take it and look at sloppy, but thankfully still legible writing, and give a bigger, more genuine smile.

"I'll text you later. If I still have my phone, that is." You joke, or at least try to.

He gives a smile and a wave as you turn back and exit the front door.

As it closes behind you, the warmth of the interaction slowly leaches from you and leaves you feeling cold and rattled.

You didn't fully believe the things you said to Alex. You had no real idea what Ben would like because you had never gone against what he said before. The thought alone turned your stomach into knots. It was simply how you two functioned, Ben was the one in charge and made the big decisions, and you listened. Sure, he never had any explicit rules about this, but that didn't mean anything.

As you made the short walk to your home, you began strategizing.

You should do damage control right away, start apologizing straight away, and let him know where you were and what you were doing. Wait, should you mention Alex? At that thought, you shoved the paper with his number deep in your pocket. You didn't want Ben to see it.

Before you could think about it anymore, you were at your front door. Your back tensed, and you hesitated only a moment before opening the door. Waiting would only make it worse.

Before you can fully step in, you see Ben pacing the kitchen, brows furrowed, face strained. As soon as he heard you, his head whipped up, and you felt yourself freeze like a rabbit spotted by a wolf. Frozen, unable to do anything else than stare.

"(Y/N)?"

Just like that, you were broken out of your trance, finally allowed to move again.

You step in all the way and close the door behind you.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think I'd be out that long, I wasn't keeping track of time, I-"

Your voice died the moment you looked back to Ben's face, his features looked so... angry. You've never seen him look at you like that before, never seen him look like that at all. It set off a loud, blaring warning in your brain that something was wrong, and that you needed to leave. But that was crazy. This is Ben, your brother, you were fine.

You tried to start again.

"I was..."

It tapered off as you saw him move towards you, movement swift and robotic as he kept his attention on you. Without thinking, you shrunk back.

"Ben-"

Before you could finish he's in front of you, grabbing your shoulders so tightly it's borderline painful. You grip his arms, weakly trying to push away, knowing better than to seriously try.

"Where were you?"

There was such a dangerous edge to his voice that you couldn't think, couldn't look away. Your breaths came out shallow and your voice so tiny you could barely hear it.

"With the neighbors."

That only made him angrier.

"What neighbors? We don't talk to the neighbors here."

Oh, you were shaking now.

"With- with the neighbors right next to us, the Rogers. I was hanging out with Alex-"

"Who the Hell is Alex?"

His grip got tighter as he shook you, and you could feel the bruises forming. You started pushing at him again, but your arms trembled so badly you might as well not have tried.

"B-Ben, it hurts."

Your voice was so thick with emotion that it was hardly coherent, but Ben understood.

His face blanked for a moment, body shocked to stillness as you continued to try and leave. Then, without warning, he let you go, turned his back and walked a few paces away from you, pinching his nose as he let out a sharp breath.

You listen to him as he takes deep breaths while you rub your sore arms, snot beginning to run as your eyes turn wet. As you step away, you feel your back pressed against the door, and you have the fleeting idea to open it and run away. You realize what you're thinking, and the idea terrifies you so deeply you stay rooted to the spot.

Finally, Ben turns back, face still hardened but not as severely as before.

"Who's Alex?"

You sniff. You really didn't want to do this anymore.

"He's the neighbor's kid. Our mail got mixed up and he brought it over to me, and invited me over to hang out."

You probably should have stopped there, but some scared, hurt part of you needed Ben to understand that you didn't mean this, it wasn't your fault. Your voice cracked as you continued.

"I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry. It was only supposed for a little bit, I didn't think I would be over for so long, just an hour or two. I- I didn't mean for this to happen, I should- I should of called you."

You stopped, but only because the shaking in your hands had spread to your voice, and you didn't think you could keep going without sounding like a complete mess.

His face didn't soften for a moment, staring blankly as you had gone on. After it ended, he closed his eyes, rubbed his face and gave a sharp sigh.

You couldn't read him when he looked away. Was he calming down? Did that make him more upset? Every second that ticked by frayed your already worn-out nerves. You were only one yell away from bursting into tears.

He looked up again, face the same as it was before.

"Do you know what it's like to come home with the door unlocked and see you missing, with no goddamn clue where you could be? What was I supposed to think? You didn't even pick up your damn phone!"

He stopped, took a breath, and then continued, a dangerously calm edge to his voice.

"And then you tell me you decided to stay over at a stranger's house without calling me? A person you only met today? They could of been anybody, anything could happened to you. I thought you had better sense than that."

It stung.

"I'm sorry."

It sounded small and pathetic, even to your own ears.

He let out a sigh.

"Go to your room. We'll talk about this more later."

You don't think twice. You rush away on shaky legs to your room and quietly close the door behind you, afraid of doing anything else to set him off. The bed lets out a soft creak as you sit down. You gather your quivering hands in your lap and look down on them, not sure what to do with yourself.

Before you can think about it any further, you hear the front door open and slam shut, then the car turning on and driving away.

As it quiets down, you can't help it. Stifled sobs climb their way out of your chest, feeling like they're choking you until you can't resist anymore. You collapse on your bed, openly crying until you exhaust yourself to sleep.

The next morning felt almost surreal. You woke up to hearing Ben walking about the house as he did his morning routine. Usually, you would be out of the room right now doing the same, with you both then sitting down to eat breakfast together until it was time for him to leave. This time, you stayed in bed the entire time, idly scrolling your phone as you listened to his footsteps.

A part of you expected him to knock at your door, and ask you why you weren't out yet. Instead, you heard the sizzle of eggs hitting a hot pan as they cooked, and after a short few moments, the front door opening, closing, and locking behind him. The familiar sounds of the car's engine slowly faded away, and you finally got out of your bed, ready to start your day.

You decided to text Alex. You were hesitant to give the details of what happened, simply saying that Ben was upset and things were tense, and thankfully, Alex never pushed it. Instead, he started sending you memes and talking about his ideas for the minecraft world you both started. It was surprising how easy it was to talk to him, the conversation going for hours before he had to leave to help with dinner.

When it was time for Ben to come home, you scurried back to your room, feeling relieved but guilty when you closed the door. On one hand, you could still feel the fear you had last night, and you had no idea what to do with it. It was perplexing and off-putting, and thinking too hard on it made you feel like your brain was turning to static, so you opted to not think about it at all, which meant avoiding your brother as well.

But the guilt wouldn't let you be. It turned what should have been the comfort of your room into a place of wrongness, that you were doing something awful by keeping yourself here and not going down to see him like you usually did. Your lip began to bleed, and only then you realized you had been chewing on it since you heard Ben's car pull in.

You contemplated texting Alex for a distraction as you heard him make his way into the house. And then, step by step, make his way way to the hallway, and then to your door.

And then, the knock.

"Can I come in?"

You don't know if you want to answer, so you don't.

"I know you're awake, kid. Your lights on."

Thoughts raced through your mind as you tried to figure out what to do. For a moment, your mind latched onto the idea that you could pretend to be asleep, but you immediately shrugged it off. This was going to happen anyway, might as well happen now.

"Come in."

The door opens, and you see Ben, completely exhausted, his gaze nervously flitting towards you and the floor as he carried a fast food bag in his hand.

"I brought dinner."

You instinctively perk up at the mention of food, and he takes that as a sign to step closer and sit on the far side of the bed, bag between you two, as he clasped his hands together. His leg starts to quickly bounce before he stops it.

"Figured I'd pick up something on the way home. Didn't feel like cooking.

You nod, even though there's something in you that compels you to do or say more to try and ease his nerves. Even now, after what he did, you hate to see him upset. You try to push the urge to comfort down as you pointedly look away.

Both of you sit in silence while looking anywhere but at each other. In your peripheral, you can see him fidgeting with his hands.

"I know I scared you last night, I just-"

He nervously shifts in his seat. His voice is halting but sincere.

"It worried me, seeing you gone. You mean so much to me, (Y/N). Ever since you were born, I've been there to take care of you. I can't remember a time without you, and I don't want to. You're a part of me, without you, I... I don't even know who I am."

You look over at him and freeze. You're big brother, the man who protected you and cared for you your whole life, is bunched in on himself, face strained and twitching with barely contained emotion as he doggedly stares directly ahead, like looking at you would hurt him. His eyes are red and dark circles frame them. You swallow, years of experience screaming at you to reach over and comfort him, but instead, you sit, never once looking away as he continues talking.

"I shouldn't have done that to you, kid. I should of known better. Should of contained myself. I try so hard for you, but there's times it feels like it isn't enough, and it keeps me up at night."

He sniffs, and your eyes begin to blur.

"I never wanted to be like that in front of you, you didn't deserve to see that. I-"

He wipes his hands over his face, taking a deep breath as he tries to collect himself. After a beat, he uncovers his face and finally looks at you.

"I'm sorry."

It was like a spell had been broken. You found yourself pushing a food to the side and leaning against his shoulder. He hesitantly wrapped his arm around you, and when you didn't resist, he reached his other arm around you, pulled you into his chest, and began softly rocking you back and forth.

You feel the rise and fall of his chest, and it feels the same as you did as a kid when you would run up to him when something scared you, or when you felt your emotions overwhelm you. He would hold you tight and it felt like you were in the safest place in the world. The relief of that feeling after everything you had been through was like coming home.

Still safely tucked in his arms, you spoke again, voice more quiet and child-like than you meant it to be.

"Promise me you won't do that again."

The mere thought of him acting so uncontrollably and violently towards you was enough to make you nauseous.

He squeezed you tight.

"I promise, kid, never again."

You nodded, unable to reply. The both of you stayed like that for what felt like an eternity before he slowly began letting you go.

After getting fully untangled, you rub your eyes, a feeling of exhaustion settling in as your stomach rumbles.

"I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm Ben."

His reply is so quick, you think it's automatic for him.

You shoot him a glare, but it's undermined by your smile. He returns it with one of his own.

"You wanna go down and eat? I got you a milkshake too, it's down in the kitchen. But might be a bit melted by now."

You spring up, fast food bag in hand as you make your way towards the door.

"Why didn't you say so, let's go!"

You hear him let out a chuckle, and you let out one reflectively, too.

You both share the meal together, talking and laughing late into the evening, until it was finally time to sleep. You drifted off easily into a deep, restful sleep, finally at peace.

[deaddovedecadence]

Meta reader anon here! (Got nervous when I asked 😭)

Anyways, how would the Batman react to a reader who’s kinda been through a situation like the one Jason was in? (Lowkey trauma dump I’m so sorry-) like my father’s a really manipulative and narcissistic person so I have a much easier time picking up on stuff like that. Reader would legit already be on high suspicion (not like they weren’t already but like 10x more-)

Also keep up the good work! Really enjoy your stories!

A/N okay but learning about duke in the moonlight verse hours

”Why are you so afraid of me?” Duke asks curiously, some of thier braids swishing into their face.

You shrug, not meeting their eyes because you know that if you do then they’ll know something you don’t want them to. they’ve always been too observant for your tastes and looking at them makes something under your skin crawl.

You know hat Duke is a meta because signal is a meta even though they’ve never used thier powers around you, never made you feel afraid on purpose.

In fact Duke is always gentle with you, like you’re something that could break, something that they’re choosing to keep whole.

“Who are you?” You ask, staring them straight in the face. They smile (it’s not real), “I’m duke, your sibling.” YOu want to scream liar because they aren’t your sibling, because there is something wrong with the way that they are.

“What happened to you?” you try, keeping your expression gentle, open because there’s somethign that they just aren’t telling you.

They laugh,, “nothing, I’m all good.”

“Liar.” You snap, abandoning your game of pretend.

Duke gives you a too sharp smile, says, “I’ll tell you what happened to me if you tell me why you’re always avoiding me.”

That’s an easy choice to make. “You’re off. It’s like you’re constantly hiding something under your kindness.”

They laugh bitterly, the first sharp sounds that you’ve ever heard from them. “I was adopted two years before you. My parents were caught in a fight between Joker and batman. My mother was immunocompromised and joker used his gas to try and finally kill the terror of our city, the batman. Bruce found me, holding her dead body and he took me in. I didn’t have a choice and there was no one there to keep me from making mistakes.”

They pull back their sweater enough for you to see seven tally marks. “One for every member of the family,” Duke says absently.

“So they never forget where they belong,” Bruce cuts in, appearing out of nowhere. He puts a hand on Duke’s shoulder and you watch the way they bristle, but don;t bother moving.

There’s an implied threat in the way that bruce speaks, a warning that you could share the same scars with one addition, Duke’s.

[mykoreanlove]

mislead in a cap

You stood on the balcony overlooking the neon city lights while Hoseok was standing behind you, silently smoking his third cigarette. Neither of you said a word but it was evident that a lot was lingering on his mind. You felt the cold summer breeze on your naked skin, shivering lightly. 

Hoseok flipped the cigarette aside and hugged you from behind, sharing his body warmth with you.

„Why do you still keep seeing me, y/n?“, he muttered softly.

There it was. The question that had been lingering in the back of his mind for a very long time. He was right to ask as there was no plausible reason for you to keep doing that. Doing him.

„I guess I kind of like it“, you mumbled truthfully. 

The grip around your waist got harder as he was leaning into you more.

„But you do remember our conversation from the first time?“

You sighed heavily, still remembering every word from that night. You had moved to Seoul for a fresh start, a fresh beginning in life, love and moreover in yourself. It didn’t take long for you to meet Hoseok as you had a mutual friend but you never had predicted the outcome of your serendipitous meeting. Shy glances turned into passionate gazes accompanied by coy kisses that turned into lustful sex. He wasn’t your typical type but you felt a pull towards him like never before. 

Your first real date, or rather spontaneous hook up, ended in your apartment drinking and getting to really know each other. He never intended to spill all of his secrets but the booze loosened his tongue just as much as your safe energy ripped up his shields. 

„I got cheated on three times, actually.“, he confessed out of the blue. „The last time was the hardest. We were together for almost a year and I planned on marrying her but you know, she had other plans.“ 

Hoseok’s eyes, usually shimmering with positive energy, suddenly turned dull. 

„Do you want to know how I figured it out? She moaned another guy’s name in bed. That’s how I figured it out.“, he explained flatly.

You threw your arms around him, hugging him as tightly as you could. All you could feel was empathy and sorrow - how could someone do that? 

„It’s okay, y/n. It is what it is.“

„It’s not okay. It really isn’t“, you protested.

„That’s just how my life is. It’s shit.“

His eyes got even gloomier, making you shudder with heartbreak.

„No really, just ask around. The others already know. My life is a piece of shit.“ 

Hoseok pained but fascinated you at the same time. 

„I wondered why that happened, you know. I wondered if I was too outgoing, if I should have been stricter with her. As soon as I left town she cheated on me. So, that’s what I figured. Relationships just don’t work if someone is away for a while and since I’m traveling often, relationships are just not for me.“ 

There it was, the ugly monster that was roaring its head. Hoseok sounded just like you when you got your heart broken by the last guy who dumped you as soon as you got out of town. You were too taken aback by this coincidence to really understand what he was implying though.

Instead, you felt an even stronger pull towards him, one that would bring you to your knees often. Slow, sad kisses turned to more and before you knew it he was inside of you, fucking the sadness away. Loving him like that was risky, for your body and heart but you didn’t care. Hoseok triggered another side within you, one that was reckless and risky.

„Why do you like me?“, he asked while placing soft kisses on your temples.

„This is going to sound so cheesy but uhm….I like you because you feel like sunshine.“, you confessed. 

A small giggle escaped his lips before the mood changed for the inevitable.

„You need to find someone else, y/n. Someone who’s decent.“

You held in your breath, not knowing how to respond.

„You remember what I told you? I’ll be leaving town soon for two weeks, so because of that nothing more, nothing serious could ever happen between us.“

Remembering it brought up the pain you felt back then, still after weeks of seeing him. 

He told you to stay away, yet both of you couldn’t resist the other. Endless nights spent under the sheets turned into your little secret.

„I do remember.“

„Then why do you do it? Why are you wasting your time with me?“

You turned around and faced him, brushing a strand of hair out of his face.

„I can’t leave you alone because I see myself in you, Hoseok.“

He frowned in response, not really getting your point.

„How so?“

„We’re both very similar if you think about it. Both of us have been hurt in love which is why we tend to be attracted to people that are unavailable, we’re not even risking getting our heart broken. At least not that much, so it would really hurt. But there’s more than meets the eye.“, you explained softly.

„More?“, he asked curiously.

„Yeah.“, you nodded. „Remember what I said when you asked me why I liked you?“

„Cause I feel like sunshine..“, he muttered under his breath.

„Exactly. You have this radiating aura, full of good vibes and positivity. But that’s all just an act. If you look closely enough, you’ll notice that you’re broken and sad. Hurt and disappointed. All that sunshine persona is just a facade. Just something to cover up how you really feel on the inside.“

Hoseok’s eyes started to glisten instantly, he let go of you and turned around.

He felt caught, suffocated even. All these years he was cautious enough to not let someone see beyond the surface, yet you caught on instantly. 

„I am right, aren’t I?“, you asked cautiously. 

He looked over his shoulder, staring directly at you while tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

„Let’s end this, y/n. Once and for all.“ 

[rshoumon]

BSD BOYS WHEN YOU SAY “I LOVE YOU”

platonic! but romantic undertones if you wish to see it that way <3 bsd and reader are friends (acquaintances (?) for aku)

CHARACTERS: akutagawa, atsushi, dazai, chuuya

WARNINGS: mentions of suicide (the usual dazai thing)

AKUTAGAWA:

you don’t remember how it happened

it must have been sometime after a mission you’d been sent on, and fate decided that you and the stone-faced mafioso would meet once again

despite being a member of the ada, due to how frequently you two got stuck in the same space, the air between akutagawa and yourself had slowly become less hostile as you both decided to keep a neutral stance concerning the other’s existence

he’d saved you once again from a common enemy you were both faced against, an act that simultaneously knocked out your aggressor

all you could think about was how tired you felt, barely capable of creating coherent thoughts

“your carelessness will get you killed one day. i will relish such an event when it happens.”

you’d snort.

“your enthusiasm is admirable. be sure to bring that to the table whenever you get a date. if that’s even possible.”

it was his turn to look at you with disgust

“you’re a fool if you think such customs are of any value to me.“

“right, right. you’re married to your work, sorry i forgot.”

“shut your trap l/n, you’re lucky i’ve allowed you to speak so carelessly as long as you have.”

“and i love you too akutagawa.”

your statement was delivered as a sarcastic remark, yet you couldn’t help but notice the sudden silence that hung thick in the air.

“you alive over there?”

“shut. up.”

ATSUSHI:

“dazai dumped another one of his assignments on you?”

you looked at the hardworking boy who currently stood on a ladder, nodding his head as he de-webbed the small crevices against the ceiling

he was hard at work, yet the subtle frown on his lips told you his enthusiasm was lacking

“yeah … it’s not too bad though. at least not this time.”

you’d nod your head, silently noting how much cleaner the office looked as attributed to atsushi’s efforts

“do you want me to get you something to eat?”

“only if you get something for yourself while you’re at it. don’t go acting like you’ve been doing nothing either.”

atsushi gave you one of those looks, reminiscent of the kind mothers would shoot towards their kids if they were suspicious on if they were taking proper care of themselves

“dawwww ～! you’re worried about little ‘ole me? i’m feeling all warm ‘n cozy now.”

all you received was a sheepish chuckle from the boy a few feet away.

“love you ‘tsushi!”

“hahaha … l-love you too?”

he flashed you a smile as sheepish as the laugh he’d released a few seconds prior. he wasn’t quite used to saying such words so casually, even if it was to a friend

he’d still watch you with a soft gaze as you made your way to the kitchen with your newfound determination to make the both of you a meal

DAZAI:

“y/nnnnnnn!”

dazai’s gleeful voice could be heard as he entered the office space in a dramatic flair. were you a fool, you would have thought that there wasn’t a single problem in the world for him. but this was dazai, there was always something that had to be done

“if you need me to do one of your errands, you may as well forget it.”

you continued to write a report for your most recent expedition out in the slums of yokohama. and what an experience it was

“so cruel! and i haven’t even said anything yet.”

a pout fell upon the man’s lips as he finally reached his desk, resting his head on the surface while peeking at your paper

“ohhhh! i see someone’s been busy ～ gone so far as having an unfortunate meeting with the port mafia hm?”

“yeah … fun.”

your eyes remained glued on the paper before you, ignoring the man-child at your side

“well then, after this why don’t we go out and do something fun ～? i heard there’s a festival in town, maybe there i can find someone to commit double suicide with!”

“i wish you good luck with that.” you’d hum in reply. “though … that does sound fun.”

“YOU MEAN YOU’D COMMIT DOUBLE-SUICIDE WITH ME?”

“NOT THAT YOU DUMBASS! I MEANT THE FESTIVAL!”

after some mindless banter, you find yourselves at the festival side by side, enjoying the spectacles around you

you didn’t think much when you said it, and you definitely didn’t think dazai would hear those three magical words slip past your lips as you gazed out at the fireworks

you couldn’t see it, due to your focus being adverted to the scene in front of you, but there was an unusual softness to his face then, even if just a second

CHUUYA:

“you couldn’t have asked anyone else to accompany you?”

the exhausted tone of the boy next to you was undeniable, paired with that bored look on his face, you were tempted to simply swat him away

“at this rate, your exhaustion is going to rub off on the both of us.”

you sighed, shifting the pile of boxes within your arms

“good, serves you right for making me your errand boy.”

you remember shoving his shoulder, causing him to almost lose balance of a similar pile of boxes in his grasp

“watch it jackass! can’t you see i’m holding this?”

“serves you right for wishing ill will upon me.”

the both of you bickered all the way to the storage room where you eventually left the boxes. you simply couldn’t wait to get out of there

“well someone’s more exhausted than they initially let on.”

chuuya’s pointed statement made you realize how off balance you felt, leaning sloppily against the concrete wall

“gimmie … five … yawn … minutes …”

you slowly slid down the wall with your eyes shut, soft breaths escaping your lips. you were completely conked out

“dumbass …”

making his way towards your snoozing figure, the red-head scooped you up into his arms quietly muttering about how careless you were

“ … mmmm , love ya chuu.”

you were definitely asleep, not even aware you were being carried by the man as you shifted in his arms

he released a subtle chuckle that vibrated through his chest

“love you too y/n.”

[poisonousquinzel]

Perhaps I am a bleeding heart but it makes me so sad the Sirens are beating up Punchline. You’re telling me a group of women who’ve been through tons of trauma related to abuse (both childhood and in relationships) and wouldn’t immediately clock Punchline as someone in need of desperate help? Like yeah okay she’s an asshole but they were all assholes at one point or another. What happened to girls supporting girls :(

I mean, I getcha, but Punchline was kinda doing the exact stuff that they'd have an issue with in this story lol they clocked onto who was in need of desperate help in this story, and it very much wasn't Alexis.

She was the causation behind Jaina needing help. Why would they offer a hand to the woman who caused all this in the first place? One who's not, and will not, apologize for what she's done, has shown no regret or second thoughts about her actions, and who would kill each and every one of them if given the chance?

Girls supporting girls is the Sirens supporting the woman Punchline was going to, with no hesitation, use as a prop to kill for her elite billionaire subs enjoyment.

And the whole "lets send em to Arkham for the help they desperately need actually" is more Batman's vibe skdjsks

She used Ivy's pheromones without her knowledge. She abused animals. She called Harley a slur.

Not to mention, but none of the four of them are at the point narratively wise where it would make sense for them to try to reach out or for her to accept their support. She doesn't like them and the feeling is returned.

Alexis has personal beef with Harley, she already had a grudge against her before she'd even met her cause she's a damned Joker groupie,,, she knocked out Selina during The Joker War (regardless of the questionability about overpowering her so damned much during her first appearance )

And they've had numerous run ins during Selina's comic that've only continued to sour the dynamic.

And while Ivy hadn't encountered her personally before this story, she did know Alexis is responsible for burning down the Eden she handcrafted for Harley, she slit Harley's throat & had her dumped into the sewer to die.

And then in this story Ivy finds out she synthesized her powers for personal profit.

Minutes before the Sirens got the upper hand, they were essentially baking alive inside a cell Alexis had them locked in.

And I don't think Punchline has that shared trauma type you mentioned? It's something that I think can help tie the Sirens together and find a common ground of understanding between one another,, even when all of their personal goals and motivations are different there's a level they'll come together at.

But, pls correct me if I'm wrong !!! I've seen nothing yet that indicates that that's something tied into Alexis' character. Even her relationship with Joker at this point, which is very on & off, hasn't went to that level that I'm aware of. We've had the scenes between her and Harley in The Joker War but those are warnings from Harley about how this will end, not necessarily representative of the current stage Alexis is at.

Alexis was also incredibly, beyond victim blamey during their encounters. I get why she was the way she is, she's bought into all his bullshit hook line and stinker. But she was wrong. And we all know it. We all know she was talking about shit she doesn't know jack about, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't have effected Harley to hear.

The Sirens are going to hold a grudge. That's understandable. It's also important to keep in mind that Alexis is a very new character so she's very early into her development, there's a definite chance one day maybe 15 years from now where she'll have improved a bit and be on level with them, I hope she gets that cause no one deserves to be stuck with that crusty loser haha

But she's very much in her Deep Rooted Villain arc rn skdjsks there's also a chance that she sticks to being a full time female villain in the gallery to take up part of the place the Sirens themselves leave open and is never on anything close to good terms with them.

And she called Harley a slur.

An actual literal slur. Harlivy especially is not going to play nice with her when she's called one half of their relationship a (very likely) homophobic slur. Selina wasn't here for this, but at the end all of them are aware cause Harley's mentions it again.

She's gonna get beat up by three gays for calling one of them a slur that's just the karmatic balance of things skdjdkks

Batman (2016) #93, #96, #97, #98

Gotham City Sirens (2024) #1, #2, #3, #4

[dorylinae-supremacy]

Tags: Dark SBI, dark Phil, dark Techno, royalty au, memory loss, implied character death, he doesnt die though, skrunkly Techno, Wilbur is in here just a heads up, just the character though, fuck the real guy, this is full of brainrot, you get the vibes as you read, its like 1K minimum I think

AU where Techno is a prince who gets kidnapped by political rivals.

Obviously, they know theyre gonna get caught. All they can do is cause as much damage as possible to the family before theyre caught and inevitably killed.

So they wipe the princes memory and toss him out on the streets. The blood prince, famous for his violence and cruelty, reduced to a confused wreck with no idea of who or where he is.

Anyway so they're caught and die with the knowledge of wherever they dumped Techno so the entire nation is just on a massive search party.

Tech is presumed dead because there is literally 0 universe where he wouldnt immediately make himself known to his family and that just makes Phil even darker when it comes to keeping his last remaining kid safe.

(I'm thinking Tommy so there can be some dark clingy Tommy action later on)

I think Wil eventually bumps into Tech and is confused on why theres just some random guy on his own in his bakery with like no clue how to do anything.

So he takes him in.

Not really intentionally at first but he gives him a place to stay because he's lonely and he'd feel bad if anything happened to Techno but they get along really well and become attached.

Obviously that means stuff has to go wrong but before that I'm thinking there are a few moments where Techno vaguely remembers stuff from who he was and just doesn't know what to do with it.

Maybe Wilbur braids his hair a certain way and it feels so familiar and somewhere in his mind he just knows that someone did this for him before.

Meanwhile Phils in the castle all sad because he misses braiding Technos hair every morning.

But maybe he also sees some kids playing and being mischevious and he feels so fond but has no clue why. The kids push each other around and mimic sword fights and he thinks he can remember knowing a kid who did the exact same but never being able to really grasp it.

He just misses people who he doesn't know and cant describe and he gets very skrunkly about it because clearly no ones been looking for him so obviously they didn't care about him as much as he did them.

But he gets very close with Wilbur and maybe Wil leaves to go off and get something so Techno mans the bakery while he's gone.

Thats when Niki comes in. Maybe Ranboo dragged her in or something because they've heard nothing but good review but either way they walk into some random bakery and just see the fucking crown prince working as the casheir.

The same crown prince that has been presumed dead for months and has had an entire funeral thrown for him already.

Techno is obviously very confused when they start asking him where he's been and what he's doing there but doesnt exactly get a say in anything as he's dragged out the shop and put on the first carriage back to the palace.

There's obviously a reunion that only makes Phil even darker because his baby doesn't fucking recognise him and barely lets him touch him so he's torn between playing nice and letting Tech come to him and just crushing his son in his arms and never letting him go.

He finds an odd in between where he tries so hard to be patient like a spider in a web but he misses his sonboy and occasionally slips up real bad which freaks Techno out.

He also tries to give all the things Techno used to love. People to kill, gold, weapons etc, but none of it really works. All Techno wants is the only comfort he's had since he woke up confused and lost.

Wilbur.

Meanwhile Wilburs being angsty because he got supper attached to Tech and thinks he just wandered too far but no ones seen him so he's just really sulky and sad.

Techno really was just kinda his emotional support buddy / pseudo brother so now he's dealing with just so many abandonment issues and he's worried sick that Techno could be sick or hurt somewhere and just as confused as when he found him.

That is until the fucking emperor himself turns up at his door and demands to know what Wilbur did to his son.

Wil is terrified and genuinely has no clue what is going on but rambles like everything he knows anyway. Phils pretty unconvinced but gestures for the guards to bring in Tech and Tech practically crushes Wil in the strength of a hug.

They both just immediately break down because they were so worried and scared for each other (brothers <3) and Phil really gets to see exactly how much Technos changed.

His memory is gone, there's no real way to recover it so in a way his son did die but Phil is bitter and possessive and he won't lose him twice so he keeps him anyway.

Maybe he decides that Tech is still Tech and clearly some of his personality has stayed so there's totally a way he can just rebuild him into who he used to be, or at least as close as he can get.

He tries to drag Techno away because he's very bitter about his son (who's been basically terrified of him) hugging some stranger meanwhile he literally mourned him for months.

Techno obviously doesn't take well to almost getting dragged away and says that if he really is Phils son and he's as indulgent as he says he is then he'll let him keep Wilbur.

Everyone is shocked by this and Wil is not happy with it but Techno still has that dark streak in him despite now also being skrunkly so he cuts off any argument and basically calls Phils bluff.

Phil tries talk Tech out of things but Technos obviously super adamant about keeping his new bestie so Phil just sighs and glares at Wil like the entire way back to the castle.

Maybe he also hoards Techno away too and says that since he's indulged him once today, Tech has to pay with nest time (something he's been avoiding a tonne) and its very dark and fluffy later.

I'm not sure where the AU goes after this but its probably a lot of family bonding where Wil is slowly assimilated against his will and Techno regains some part of him that was removed when he got his mind wiped.

There's probably some very sweet moments where Phil and Techno maybe share a piano and Tech slowly remembers the tune that they first did and obviously theres lots of bonding with Tommy where he asks Techno to 'put on a show' and swordfight for him and Tech slowly regains some muscle memory on that front.

[fayrinferno]

Shower Thoughts on AI Art

I think my aversion to AI art is not a secret and there's ton of posts that I agree with and I could not have put better. Still, I will try to collect a few thoughts of why it's so shitty and depressing for me. No, it's not even because I draw and write a little and I feel threatened by it and the art theft it entails (at my level I just don't). This is more of a consumer standpoint.

AI art for me is like watering down the same teabag 20 times, yeah, you got the ingredients correct and you got some result out of it. But is it still tea? Anyway, you don't care, you water it down the 21st time and the water doesn't even color, so what now? You figure out you just need to put some artificial colorant into hot water and you can call it a tea. Like they do it in the food adverts. Replacing actual food with delicious-looking chemicals. You can make so many cups of tea-looking liquid with just one a bit of colorant. You can skip the whole growing the plant, picking the leaves, drying them and whatnot, even something as minor as unpacking the teabag each time... and you get a nice looking cup of tea without all the effort! It's easier, quicker, cheaper. People will eventually get used to the new definition of tea. Except it's poison.

But before you even started slowly poisoning people with it, you devaluated what tea should be. You watered it down till all the taste disappeared and it became colored water that you could replace with... well, colored water.

You can pop these "works" out like microwave popcorn. You can post 20 of them online in an hour. You and everyone else. You are making trash out of a rare and precious good, to be sold at dumping price. In all human history, people who created masterpieces had honed their skills for months, years, and enjoyed the respect of people, sometimes good money (or at least some of them did; more deserved it). Even those who would create forgeries of their work had to train for years to be able to do that. You will just render that effort useless, stupid, laughable. So why should anyone bother and waste their time, train for years, and yet beggar themselves with a worthless trade? The pool of talent will get smaller and skills will deteriorate so I wonder what would the AI feed upon then? Upon itself? Or will it just rehash endlessly what was created before this cursed decade?

And so, we're quickly getting to the poison point. If something is not done to limit it, AI will stop making those dumb mistakes it does now. You will no longer be able to identify it, discern it from human-made art, from real photos, videos. You will be able to not only create flawless masterpieces; you will render your own reality. Manipulating the masses will become even easier than it is right now.

And this is happening to art, you know, the thing that always had our backs and souls in time of crisis. Like the one that is already here. Instead of helping with the crisis, helping us to better lives, AI targets one of the last pillars of hope. One that should inspire us to imagine a better world.

When I saw an amazing piece of art, I used to feel admiration and inspiration, imagining the mind, talent, skill, effort, training, time, energy, emotion that went to it. The artwork itself was just the tip of the iceberg. Now, I squint at it like, AI or not? I will never trust a newcomer artist again. Digital art makes many things easier already, that can't be denied. Combined with AI, it will just make creating great artwork laughably easy. It can even mimic traditional art, so nothing is safe from it. Even if it IS an artist that has (and is willing to train and use) some skill, AI can make it so much easier for them. Soon, there will be no telling between a real artist and a total hack. I can look at the artwork and even like what I see, but guess I will never feel that genuine wonder, genuine emotion again. Maybe I'll only find those feelings in the galleries. I will only trust the artist of ye olde, before 2023, who I know could create those amazing things with their own skills. And same goes for writers, I assume. Luckily, there are tons of human-made writing I still haven't read, human-made art I haven't enjoyed. If I can't find something to entertain, I still can create something to entertain myself. I'll find and pick the herbs myself, dry them, make an infusion. But I know I won't have to resort to poison laced with theft.

tl;dr I'll never support something that ruins human motivation to create. Because that leaves us only the other human thing, which is the opposite.

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

5. The First Draft: Just Write.

Finally—the notorious writing!

There’s no right or wrong way to write. I know there are countless guides on writing and outlining and whatnot and they absolutely do have merit, but since you’re just starting: just write. 

At this point, you’ve already done most of the things a more seasoned writer does more consciously: you developed your idea, you have your plot, and you more or less know where you’re going. That’s all you need, so let’s start writing. Honestly, don’t be shy—open a new document and write down what comes to your mind. You can worry about style and expertise later. For now, you just want to put your ideas into proper words and sentences and bring your plot together. You can start from the beginning and work your way down to the end, but nothing’s keeping you from starting wherever you like. Maybe you want to write that one scene you can visualise so clearly first, or start with the very last sentence of your fic. You can put all the pieces together later. Again: Do whatever works best for you! 

As you write you’ll run into issues. A scene might not quite work out or requires some more prelude. A sentence might sound weird. You might realise that your plot has holes. Don’t hang yourself up on these things—you can always solve those problems later. And then you’ll run into more issues, but you’ll solve those, too. Don’t worry about anything but writing for now—I’m actually proposing you be a little mindless here! In your first draft, you’re usually just dumping everything you have, so, naturally you’ll think it’s the Worst Thing That’s Ever Been Written, but it’s not. You made something from nothing and you will make that something into a Good Thing: a finished draft, a great story. The real magic happens when you revise your draft, sometimes over and over again. 

“But what if the words won’t come, Emi? And what if you’re wrong and I break every writing rule in existence?” You ask. 

I say: Fuck the rules. Fuck around and find out! Nobody’s gonna send you to writing prison (though, there might be some people who DO think they’re the writing police. But fuck them, too, honestly. Of course, there’s a huge difference between constructive criticism and policing you!).  

Maybe you’ve heard of the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night.”? It’s part of the opening line of a 19th-century novel, and people love to talk shit about it. This phrase is generally known to be a synonym for “bad writing” (especially bad fanfic writing, these days); it’s “too much tell, no show”—but we don’t care about that. “It was a dark and stormy night.” is a great phrase. You want to make words? Well, then give me words. Tell me everything. Tell me what colour the curtains were, and tell me exactly how that tree looked and how that character felt when they got incinerated by the “full, concentrated power of the sun”. The night was dark and stormy, you say? Cool. What else was it? What night are we talking about? Who was there? What did they do? Were they alright once morning came? 

If you don’t want to tell me, tell yourself, then….and oh, look at that! You filled another page with beautiful words. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t end up using all those words in your final draft (you won’t), but it matters that you wrote and got a feeling for them. It also matters that you can explain to me or—even better yet—yourself why those words were necessary, while others were not. That’s how you go from just writing to finding your style, what you like and what you don’t like. You’re the first reader of your story and it’s only natural to be your own worst critic but don’t let it get to your head. Writing is all about figuring things out—so keep asking your questions!

Now that you got down to writing, your questions will change. While you started out asking your ideas “What happens next and why?”, you’ll now ask yourself “Does this line sound good? Wait…does it even make sense? Oh, what if I found a different word for this?”—and that’s exactly where you want to be. See? You’re doing just fine!

Next: Art or Garbage?

Masterlist

[chipper-asks]

Hi! I've been following you for a good while now and have always rly admired the community you've build, and, your art itself, obviously, it's always very cozy in here. May be a strange question, but as a relatively popular artist on the interned, are there any tips you could share on how to engage and sustain an audience? maybe you know some recourses for artist to get their art seen? I've been an artist posting online for roughly 10 yrs and pretty much failed at accumulating any sort of prominent presence. I don't feel bad about it really, it's not why I do art per say, but these are pretty rough times and unfortunately other means of art monetization grow thinner with stupid updates & algorithms forcing anyone who can't afford payed adds or subscriptions out of business. I kinda have to make use of social media, even if it's not my element in the slightest. Feel free not to answer if you feel like it. Thanks in advance! Also big thanks for your shouts of my art overall, I really appreciate your support!

So I've had a post in my drafts for who knows how long detailing how to build and curate your audience online. But I haven't found a good way to go about posting it because I didn't want it to come off as tooting my own horn xD

BUT YOU HAVE ENABLED ME SO HERE WE GO!!!

(im going to generalize, you may already be doing some of these things but I think its good info for anyone who wants to build an online presence)

1. Engaging your audience

A: First, you have to think of the platform you're sharing your art on and what people use it for. Not even tumblr, but the internet as a whole. It is a place where people form communities and share information. It's also one of the most popular ways to mentally escape; from school, boredom, to the horrors of real life.

So if you want people to find you, make a space where they can escape/feel community.

This means: No callout posting, no venting, no doom posting, no politics, no guilt posting, no anything that would make you unfollow someone else if you were having a bad day.

It's okay to have an occasional vent or political post cause we're human, but trauma dumping is something thats very hard for someone else to read and honestly should you be putting that kind of information online, the internet is a place of community but it also isnt safe.

B: The Value of Fandoms

It's time for some metrics, featuring my own follower count.

I've been on tumblr for 9 years and I have been making an effort to grow my base as a way of getting money as a freelancer (like you) so I started doing this allll the way back in highschool. I can remember each milestone and which fandom I got them in

1,000 I got when I was posting stuff for Undertale

2,000 I got when I was posting stuff for The Property of Hate

there was a big break between these milestones where I was just drawing ocs and object heads and stuff, but nothing I was hyperfixated on

5,000 I got from Hollow Knight

but then something really unexpected happened.

In late 2021 and early 2022 I decided cringe was a worthless social construct and decided to fully indulge in my enjoyment of doodling dragons.

I juuust inched past 5,000 when 2022 started. I Ended Up With 12,000 as 2022 ended. That's more than double. As of posting this I am at 13,600 and its only February.

So how did that happen? I could tout along and say that it was simply luck and I wasn't really making an effort anyway but that's a big fuckin lie, i've been "selling out" this whole time (it's not fucking selling out to post in fandom. You like a thing? You go to the thing's community and post about the thing)

Posting in a fandom is essentially like, now bear with me, advertising for your blog. Fandom is where the eyes are and where the traffic goes. Big tags like #artistsontumblr #tumblrart #art are used OFTEN but they're too general and often people look for things that are specific. Fandoms like Hollow Knight, BNHA, Mob Psycho, The Owl House, etc are currently popping off and have a lot of traffic.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to join a popular fandom to post your work in to get followers, it just means that if you're into a show or a media, post it on your main art blog and don't make side blogs. Keep it all together

Why?

Because 5% of those fandom people stick around for YOUR STUFF and those 5% of people are the best goddamn people in the world. You want those 5% to see EVERYTHING you do and THEY'RE the ones who will recommend you to THEIR friends and do outreach on your behalf because they like YOU and not YOUR STUFF.

i fuckin love those guys

So as you hop from fandom to fandom, you're going to lose some people but that's fine. Everyone curates their experience online and if you head off in a direction they don't like then they can deal with it. The rest come along for the ride cause 1: they either really like your stuff or 2: are into the new thing you're getting into.

SO ANYWAY

posting in fandoms under one name is GOOD because it puts everyone in the same bucket that will see your stuff and there's a chance that a few will stick just for your stuff. It is not cheap, its how you reach out to people to help cheer up their day and escape from things stressing them out.

C: What should you post?

So this is something that isn't an exact science but if you're looking to increase your follower count, this is something you can keep in mind.

Because this is the internet and the digital word of escaping from stress, people flock to things that are

1: Familiar 2: Funny 3: Relatable

So i've already been over fandoms and that's something that goes into the Familiar category. Familiar can also mean generalized but still popular concepts, like werewolves, dragons, vampires, apocalyptic scenarios, etc.

The more you trail into something niche, like marine biology, the seelie/unseelie courts, object heads, etc, the less traffic you'll find. There are communities centered around these but they're not massive like certain fandoms.

Which is how you end up with artists who spend hours upon hours on every piece only getting like 14 - 32 notes per piece. It's not lack of people caring or lack of interest, its the fact that these artists haven't "advertised" their blogs in fandom. Those people who end up caring about more personal posts are those 5% you find from fandom spaces. Their Familiar from that fandom begins to include your artwork as Familiar and thus they're more likely to share it.

Funny is simple. Tumblr is a platform of shitposts and memes. Do you have a favorite character in a fandom? Shitpost them. 2 birds with one stone, Familiar and Funny. I can't teach you how to be funny, but if you see something that makes you laugh online, pause and try to find out why and see if you can replicate it. (You wont get it in one go)

Relate-ability is also simple. If someone finds something they can easily associate with they will eagerly tag #mood #me or @ one of their friends in the post.

What doesn't get people following just by itself is your skill.

This sounds really fucking depressing but hear me out.

Your skill in art is a multiplier. It can take those three categories from above and BOOST IT to fantastic new heights. People love things that are from their fandoms that are funny and relate-able. People go FERAL for shit that is from their fandoms that are funny, relate-able AND COOL AS FUCK. If art represented x5 in an equation and you have nothing else, you get 0. If you include any of those three other things and then x5, you get something grand.

2. Sustaining your Audience.

If you want to set up your blog as a platform to eventually gain freelance income from, you need to make it yours and not your audience's.

This is key to prevent burnout and feeling obligation to create for thousands of featureless faces and losing sight of what made you enjoy art in the first place.

It is REALLY EASY to fall into that pit, especially as you grow your audience. When you have a small audience, it's easier to interact one on one with someone. Engagement is exciting when you have a small audience! People? Interested in your work!! Fuck yeah!!

But as you reach those milestones, the vibe begins to change. More and more people demand your attention. People who are new don't see you as an artist they knew from another fandom, they see you as a content creator and that is the worst goddamn stone wheel to get stuck around your neck.

You can still respond to requests and answer silly questions, but now you have to keep in mind that if you draw this little dragon for someone, three other people are going to ask for their own little dragons. And that's fine because you love dragons and they asked so nicely. You make those dragons but now there's seven people asking for their own dragons and you actually want to work on something other than dragons-- but you made those dragon doodles for those other people so wouldn't it be hypocritical to say no-

It becomes a spiral.

So to prevent that situation from happening, you need to respect your boundaries as an artist and what you will do and what you will draw the line at. If someone doesn't like you for that, they can unfollow.

In terms of posting regularly to sustain your audience, i've found that it helps but ultimately doesn't matter.

(this is a tumblr centric view, i cannot say the same for other platforms)

The way tumblr works resembles a massive recycling facility. You will see shit on your dash from 7 years ago but you dont mind, its how this place works.

It doesn't matter how often you post. You won't lose priority on people's dashboards if you don't make your daily art post. What matters is that you just make the post.

Each post you make is like sending out a bucket of chum into the grand ocean of tumblr. The more buckets of chum you have, the more likely you are to attract fish. The more you post the larger your radius is. The more variety you make in spreading out to different fandoms the wider your range is. And these spots of chum don't go away! They're permanent brown spots in a big blue wasteland and fish will stumble across it and then try to find the source.

Basically, you can disappear for an entire month and then suddenly return out of nowhere and shove 57 posts into a week and then disappear again and people will show up and stick around.

THis post is getting really long and there are probably some things im missing but my hadns are getting achy and i think that's my call to stop :p

if you have anymore questions tho im very willing to answer 👍

[ruminate88]

Emotional Barriers:

What is this wall between us??? I look at my husband and think “He has to be a good one. Look at the peaceful life I now have since I’ve met him.” I think he’s got so much potential and quality as a person… What’s this wall between us?

I remind myself how Cody would put up a wall with me and I would knock it down and beg him to trust me… 😔🥺 It never stopped him from rebuilding it and eventually he ghosted me. Then when I’m with Andrew, one minute he’s extremely intimate towards me without boundaries. Sending me selfies from his shower, not holding back anything but then randomly disappears for days. Totally shutting me out with no contact. I felt he kept me at an arms length most of the time accept when randomly he would “reward me” with letting me close again.

After I started to date my husband, not even a month later, Andrew is back trying to FaceTime me and I felt he didn’t want me to be happy with someone else yet, Andrew says he has a “girlfriend” and rubs it in. Posting about her on his social media hoping I’ll see it and be jealous of her. (I was but I just didn’t understand it all) I cried so much that I thought my new man/husband would dump me for still having feelings for my ex. He didn’t though!!! He asked me to marry him less than 6 months later and we were married within 10 months!!!! It all happened so fast!!!!!! I KNOW I had to marry fast to get away from Andrew, otherwise, I would’ve been right back into his web of lies. It’s been hard to shake him.

So I ask myself, “What’s this wall in my marriage and who put it there?” 😓😓😓 Why do I feel so distant and far from him, when he’s always right beside me and even talking to me. Sometimes he’s telling me things about his day and smiling at me. I see kindness and gentleness in his eyes. Everything I ever wanted and yet I’m overly frustrated becuase I don’t feel it!!!!!!! I get in bed with him and I feel safe. I feel like he’s not a toxic person I can tell the difference. Yet he’s so far away and I have zero desire. I just look at him and think “he’s got so much potential to be everything I’ve ever dreamt about but what if I’m wrong??? What if he’s tricking me like the rest?????” I feel safe yet I don’t because I watch his every move. I listen to his every word. It’s frustrating!!! I constantly overthink, over analyze and compare him🥴

All I ever wanted was a family. People want me to be a mom and I’m scared. What if my husband is just lying to me and what if I’m so full of trauma that I pass it on to my kids??? Am I gonna hurt my husband the way I’ve been hurt??? Am I gonna be a good mom or am I gonna hurt my kids?? (Even tho I raised my bro’s kids and they turned out) 😭😭😭 I can’t ever get Andrew out of my system even when I try really really hard NOT to think of him. He feels ingrained into every part of me!!!

My hands are cold but my heart is fighting to keep warm. I’m fighting to keep the fire going inside of me. I’ve come so far!!!! The fact it’s been all these years later and I’ve not tried to seek revenge on either Andrew or Cody (or Jake). Sure, I’ve been sharing my story and talking so much about them. It’s no secret that not everything I have to say is positive 😓 I’m sorry but I can’t help that!!! The relationships were negative despite me wanting them to be positive. The days I begged Cody not to shut me out that I loved him and wanted to help him. He continually manipulated me asking me “to fix him.” He said that so many times and I actually thought I could help…. I actually believed the lie that I could love Cody enough to take care of his heart but I was very very wrong!!!!!!

Not enough love or hope in my heart can change cody or Andrew. They will either change for someone or they won’t. Maybe they don’t believe they need to change… maybe they believe everything is just great?? Ok, sure. I won’t say they’re wrong. I’ll accept it if they believe nothing is wrong and that what we went through together was no big deal… I don’t want to ever argue with them cuz it’s not worth it to me to prove them wrong. However, after Cody ghosted me, I was soooooo numb and cold. Wow 😓💔 I never felt so isolated or dark in my life!! Was as if somebody shut all the lights off and froze my heart over…. It wasn’t till I met Andrew that I felt anything at all. Then Andrew only lit my heart on fire to use me up and when he was done with me, he blew the fire back out and made me cold again. 🥶

I’ve been fighting ever since!!!!!! Fighting not to be cold. Not to lose who I truly am. Not to lose love, forgiveness and hope. I won’t give up on myself or my dreams. My husband doesn’t deserve for this wall to be between us but he also doesn’t force it down. Either he just doesn’t see it or he doesn’t know what to do. (Or he doesn’t care but I don’t believe that) One day at time is all I can do moving forward ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[hyenagurl]

This sounds mean but is coming from a well-meaning place: why are you upset about that moid coworker. So he was nice to you, until you come to work with hickeys (kinda trashy but we’ll let it slide) and now he’s a dick. So he’s nice until he is shown evidence you had a romantic encounter with someone else. This moid is the equivalent of “add nice tokens until sex comes out.” The fact he switched up so fast the second he thought you fucked someone else ⁉️ He was never a nice guy, he never liked you, he wanted to smash and that’s it. He doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you as something to be used and discarded- once he saw someone “used” it first, he moved directly to discarding. Use your head babe, he showed his true colors. xx luv ya

no no youre right but 😭 well it just sucks to have someone show their colors like this. part of what hurts is that it really was night and day, like a complete 180, and nobody notices but me and insists its just bc he got dumped when this started happening well before that…

ive been keeping my eye on him too. hes friendly with everyone. it feels like hes going out of his way to chat everyone up - and then when im talking to someone nearby he does his best to look away. yesterday i did something bad mannered without thinking about it (tore open a packet of aspirin, spat out a piece of it😭) and he came over and was like “why would you do that, that was disgusting and inappropriate.” he has never lectured me like that. and it was the first time he spoke to me in like days. i thought he was joking!

but that was not the worst. today it came to a head, i saw him smirking and i snapped. i asked to speak to him privately (after him initially ignoring me, with an “i guess… 🙄”) and we went to the back. he kept working while i was trying to speak to him, and when i moved in front of him, he could barely even look me in the eye and he had this big dumb nervous grin on his face, and kept laughing like “haha whats the problem? 😅” granted i kept him off guard and i honestly hadnt meant to, but still. i couldnt believe how rude he was being, even if he was nervous. he used to be so courteous!

i was angry and fighting back tears bc i would literally rather die than cry in front of a man like that, so i kept my voice as calm as i could be and was like “whats going on? i understand youre going through something hard rn, but it feels like somethings wrong between us and idk why.” he brushed it off again, still laughing and smiling, and i said “well youve been acting differently for weeks, and you only speak to me now just to lecture me.” he rambled some more bullshit, like “idk sometimes i just dont have anything to say.”

yeah, right. if theres not a problem, then who just has nothing to say to someone in a matter of a DAY?

i couldnt do anything with that and i was pretty upset, so i just told him id be here when he was ready to talk and made sure to stay away from him. then after weeping in the group chat, i was a huge mess, and then my other (male) but honestly sweet coworker saw and figured out what happened and comforted me..

okay so yeah. this is whats so upsetting. its not so much i miss our flirty dynamic - its that a coworker is pulling psychological petty high school bullshit over seemingly nothing - or worse, you and i are right, and hes icing me out for having a sex life! i feel like im going nuts!!!!

[mixterglacia]

So here's my general opinion on Hazbin Hotel.

First and foremost, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LIKE THE SHOW. MY VIEWPOINT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T ENJOY IT.

Alright? Let's not string Logan up because he doesn't like a show.

Spoilers under the cut obviously.

To start, I absolutely think Viv is talented. I'm not going to pretend that she has no skill whatsoever because that would be disingenuous. I think that she's got an amazing gift for music videos and one-off episodes.

However that doesn't translate to an eight episode series.

When it comes to both of her shows, I find that her characterization, plots, and tone are very inconsistent. It becomes extremely clear when she really likes a character because she starts rewriting them to be this tragic thing that the whole plot needs to revolve around.

I'm not saying that a comedy series can't have depth. I'm an RvB guy, there's absolutely a way to strike a balance between snark and serious. But so often the dramatic parts of Hotel feel like they're fighting -against- the humor, not using it as a foil.

You can't expect me to take you seriously when you have half an episode dedicated to an absolutely stellar performance by Angel's VA, then make a rape joke in the next episode.

Beyond that, for a show about rehabilitating sinners, you spent all that time on Angel and his arc, only to have Pen' be the one who dies and goes to heaven? Are you honestly telling me that doing one grand gesture, one -singular- act of sacrifice is all it takes to get in?

Don't get me wrong, Pen was literally the only thing I consistently liked about the show. But his temporary death felt like nothing more than a tool to shove the plot along.

I believe a lot of this show's faults stem from having WAY too many characters. You have eight episodes that run for roughly half an hour each. You have to make some sacrifices to make things work. I'm not even sure having full hour eps would make it better, but it definitely wouldn't hurt things.

But Viv should be able to make those tough calls if she wants to be considered a good writer.

The three Vee's were almost completely wasted, -especially- Velvette [sp?]. You've got too many random antagonists in such a short season. Them (mostly Vox) interjecting during the big fight was jarring and more distracting filler/haha dick nonsense.

The only one I find was used in pretty effective way was Valentino. He's honestly a really nasty piece of work and I mean that in a positive way. He's charming until he isn't, he's predatory, and makes my skin crawl every time he's on screen. Good, kudos on that front.

But for the show that's supposedly the girl-show to Helluva's boy-show? THE GIRLS ARE BARELY FLESHED OUT. It feels like Viv can't decide who her main character is. (Likely a side effect of the bloated cast) Angel could be considered just as much of the lead as Charlie.

Speaking of Charlie, she comes off like an extremely flat and frankly obnoxious character for more than two thirds of her screen time. Why does her relationship feel like an after thought when it's canon? If it was meant to be a will they won't they, it could have made more sense. But it felt like we were constantly being reminded that they were together rather than showing us outside of the (i think) second to last ep.

The pacing is also totally out of control. The first episode was one big plot dump, then nothing moved the main story along for four and a half episodes, then suddenly everything is happening all at once? It feels like being in bumper to bumper traffic, then taking an off ramp.

Again, they really needed to streamline the cast.

As a final note, I really, REALLY hope Lilith is going to be more than just the evil bitch exwife. I already find Stella to be a total waste of a character. Please don't do the same with Lilith because I'm already sick of the "uwu misunderstood dad with his cunt ex" in Helluva.

I guess I'm extra annoyed because I really truly want to like this show. When the writing hits, it's absolutely amazing. But the overwhelming majority of the time, it's just -boring-. I know she can do better which makes it all the more frustrating.

You're allowed to like it. I'm allowed to dislike it. I'm glad so many people find joy in it.

I just wish I could.

[gmmtv-bl-tournament-but-evil]

Been talking about 2gether here-and-there for a while but seeing your attitude towards it has got me itching to talk a bit about my thoughts on it. Because god, do I have thoughts.

So, I went into 2gether with low expectations. I heard it was subpar from MDL and I don’t like fake dating that much. But with a combination of curiosity over one of the biggest BLs historically and my personal interest in Bright and Win coming off the Bright cameo in Enigma and my enjoyment of Good Old Days, I went into the show. (Probably a different path from most to go from the non-BL to the BL but ahaha)

First thing. The show is very cheap. This shows even moreso because it’s BrightWin? Like, this was their first GMMTV show (and first for Win) so the company definitely didn’t have the drive to put as much money behind the show as they would for a show like F4 Thailand, but goddamn. Second thing. The music in this show was… huh. Were the guitars just not tuned sometimes? What are some of these? I say this as someone who actually loved BL singing, so it was a massive letdown I only enjoyed a few of the (very numerous) musical scenes. The OST for the show was great! But.

Sarawatine are character archetypes I really enjoy in general. I like weird, panicking, cheery bisexual losers (got me through Kiekoi!) and kind of grumpy and cold but devoted to their love interest guys. But the way the show wrote them was so disappointing? I would have expected so much more from the show for its main couple? Like, make me care about the characters, not just hope I’ll ogle at the hot actors and get through the show thanks to the scenarios, please. I usually don’t harp on physical intimacy between characters, also, but 2gether was so uncomfortable. And it sticks out like a sore thumb when the famous line of the show mentions kissing until dropping. There is NO kissing until dropping going on in the Sarawatine apartment, that’s for sure. And seeing some of the subpar acting between them just generally… I wasn’t enjoying myself much.

I actually found the show quite funny in certain scenes. Comedy is hard to judge a show on objectively, but I’ll say I did laugh. But I did not get emotional with the show, even when it wanted me to be. The Mil nonsense was hard to forgive, as was the “girl Sarawat liked!” Oh no! (My sarcasm could not be more embedded here) I genuinely started to feel pain watching the show because of how frustrating I found how Sarawat was dealing with the situation and how Tine was reacting. Like, I don’t care. Please. No one here wanted this cheap emotional climax. Especially after the weird time skip post-getting together.

And. The portrayal of women and the stereotyping of Green. All the women in this show are bland (but cute, thanks to the actresses, at the very least) or actively such a “girl who gets in the way of our BL boys!” that it hurts. And Green. I don’t enjoy when a show uses a feminine gay character as a source of ridicule. Green is seen as lesser by Tine and the others, and yeah, he acts like kind of a creep sometimes in the beginning. But the show writes him like that with a purpose. Of course the one who is openly gay and feminine is also the one pushing boundaries and being a predator. Amazing representation, 2gether. It got worse when it turned out Dim was abusive, and Tine just lets him in? And they get back together? No???? Like. Why. What. Who? Watching Still 2gether, I tried to pretend that whole scene never happened and DimGreen was just a tumultuous on-again off-again relationship, because I actually did find some of their Still 2gether scenes funny, but no. I could not forget. I appreciate the attempts at saving them by Aof, but no. Could not be undone. Green was funny as hell in the second season for me, though, so I’m hoping he dumped that abuser’s ass for good after the show ended.

MilPhukong was… fine. I felt absolutely nothing for them, despite the time invested. I actually quite enjoyed s2 ManType, just for the established relationship of it all and seeing them get along well, so I forgive them, but the s1 plotlines for them were questionable (Man, stop being a creep. Type, what are you doing with irt your brother? Really?)

I think Still2gether was an improvement (director change, yay!) but the emotions still didn’t work for me. I enjoyed the more slice-of-life style of the series and I felt the characters were more likable, but it was a short series with little actually going on. It did leave me off with a much better taste in my mouth, and better scenes all around, though. I imagine I could watch this season again and not groan my way through it. I’d probably even enjoy it if I take it as it is. The foundation can’t be forgotten, though. It is ever-present as a problem.

Oh, and here are some of my (very ineloquent) thoughts on 2gether as I live-blogged it:

This is stupid. Side couple on screen rn is stupid. Tine being a crying cannot communicate uke is stupid. Sarawat is being stupid.

Do not enjoy this simplification but I was very frustrated at the time. I still am.

Okay, now to pull back a little. I can totally understand why people would’ve loved this show. Because I’m 100% sure if I had watched 2gether before other shows, back in 2020, I’d have ignored most of the flaws out of my excitement for a show with cute scenes and pretty boys. Especially at the beginning of the pandemic, and especially if this was my first BL drama. I think that if you just settle into it with that mindset, you can find enjoyment in the show. And honestly, I’m very happy about that. That we’re at this point, with shows like Not Me, Last Twilight, etc. If 2gether is a show that seems horribly outdated now, in just a few years, I think that spells great things for the future of GMMTV BL, even if it isn’t a steady thing (looks at the tournament we’re in). And despite my words on them, I did in fact end up with a soft spot for Sarawatine. I think they’re neat in theory. In practice, not so much, but here I am anyway. The two of them definitely are important to BL, especially in GMMTV, and I respect them for that.

Don’t think I’ll ever rewatch 2gether, though.

I wanna preface this by saying that even though I really don't like 2gether, I don't rembember it in nearly as much detail as you do. I know I don't like it 'cause I immediately didn't while I was watching it and right after when it was still fresh in my mind.

Now, that said, some of the things you mentioned did spark recognition and in general I tend to agree with you. The Green thing, oh Iord! And the guitar........ Unlike you, I tend to shudder when BL boys bring out the guitar so for me that whole show was a real test.

Honestly, I don't need to go into detail more than this 'cause you already put it so eloquently yourself and I also understand what you mean about watching it back when it aired. I'm probably going to regret mentioning it but TharnType also aired in 2019 and is extremely beloved by some. I'm not saying I agree - and I'm generally wary of people who say it's their favorite BL ever - but I certainly understand it and my personal feelings about it too are so complicated I don't even know if I'd be able to put them into words.

What I'm trying to say is that while I have specific preferences and opinions on every BL in this list and many others not on this list, I respect that some of the judgements others have on them come from a very contextual and personal place. As is also the way I feel about the shows I hold dearest! Still, I appreciate the conversations we've been having on all of them 🩷

[luna-loner]

Heh... Let's see your take on ALL of B5 for the character meme, please! (and dw, I am working on your ask too, it just takes time :)

Hehe, challenge accepted, Candy! (Also dw, take your time)

How I feel about this character: Love them all! Love them to death, and I'll keep defending them until my last breath. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Any/all the people I ship romantically ship with this character: Currently, the only B5 ship I have is Gakuyuki. The others are paired with OCs (for Next Gen purposes, hehe...) I do have a soft spot for Ren/Hazama, but it's constantly floating between "Nah, won't happen" and "Bad idea but still funny to think about..." and "But it's just so good!!!"

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

Gakushuu: His rivalry with Karma, especially in sibling AUs.

Ren: I just love the idea of Maehara having a one-sided rivalry with a clueless Ren.

Seo: A sibling-like relationship with Rio, filled with bilingual bickering, curses, snarky remarks, and even diss tracks.

Araki: Him and his dad; I get the feeling they have a good relationship from what little extra info we got.

Koyama: His one-sided hatred with Okuda. So now you have one E-student vowing to best a Virtuoso, who is barely aware of their existence, and a Virtuoso trying to best a an E-student, who is barely aware of their existence.

My unpopular opinion for this character: For Gakushuu, I got nothing. As for the others....

Ren: If you're gonna hate Ren for the library scene, then you better also hate Maehara, Okajima, Itona, Irina, Korosensei, Rio, and every other perv in the series because some of them make Ren's actions look tame in comparison. Just saying...

Seo: The fact he genuinely cares about his friends makes him redeemable, likeable, and even interesting.

Araki: "Only Ren and Gakushuu are hot. Everyone else is ugly." My guy, you are not ready for the nerdy Ikemen type yet.

Koyama: His face and laugh are iconic.

Also...

They're called the Big Five, not Gakushuu and Friends! Remember them, people!

One thing I wish would happen/ had happened with this character in canon: More screentime of course. I know AC isn't really their story, but it would've been nice to have just one chapter showing us their daily lives, or at least give them all character profiles, not just Gakushuu. What I wouldn't do for offical birthdays....

A B5 spin-off would be greatly appreciated, no matter how unlikely it may sounds. Heck, I'm okay if it were just a one-shot, just give me some B5 content, Matsui!

Also, Seo got done dirty in the timeskip! Why is it we learned what the previous four did for a living, but Seo's section was just, "He and Whatsherface went to the same university and repeatedly dated on and off, yet despite this ridiculously clear sign this so-called relationship is an utter failure, Idiots #1 and #2 believe the other is their one true love."

Even Ren's section was better than this. Sure, he almost started a bloodbath and got lectured by Shuu for it, but at least he got some much-needed character development out of it. Every single Virtuoso got a happy ending but Seo, who is stuck in an unhealthy relationship. No character development, no clue what he was majoring, like come on! Have mercy on my insecure boy! Preferably by him dumping the harpy he's been shackled with since middle school once and for all.

Favorite friendship for this character: Ren and Gakushuu (Wholesome), Seo and Araki (Wholesome), Koyama and Seo (Chaos)

Yeah, I wasn't planning for my first ask to be this long, but ah well, more B5 content for Candy 😊