#nothing more i love than to talk about myself (i am a leo)

[stressedanime]

15 questions for 15 friends!! thanks for the tag :3 @cordelia---rose

are you named after anyone? first name no, but my middle name is a family name. my parents found my birth name in a baby name book which LIED TO THEM. IT SAID MY NAME MEANS PRINCESS IN SPANISH. IT IN FACT DOES NOT MEAN PRINCESS IN SPANISH lmao it means aunt in spanish. and thats partly why i dont go by it anymore lol

when was the last time you cried? i watched a silent voice a couple nights ago and that movie always DESTROYS me.

do you have kids? i'd rather be put down

what sports do you play/have you played? i danced for 15 years!! did a variety of styles: tap, jazz, ballet, contemporary, and music theatre. i also was on the basketball team in grade 6 lmao.

do you use sarcasm? yes. it gets me into trouble unfortunately

what is the first thing you notice about people? i honestly don't know. probably like, their language? like how they talk, how they hold themselves, how they move. i be analyzing

what's your eye colour? they're supposed to be blue, but ive also been told they have no blue pigment whatsoever and theyre just grey

scary moves or happy endings? BOTH THANKS!!!

any talents? hmm. im really good at ruining the mood. like, "um actually" is my best friend. oh also finding words people are looking for, im really good at helping people finish their sentences when they're stuck. im sure theres more but i cannot think of anything lol

where were you born: canada :D i hate it here but i also love it here

what are your hobbies? i love to cook, i used to play a bunch of video games, but lately ive been doing a lot more writing and reading. i also love to look at my guitar and say "hmm i should play guitar" and then never play guitar

do you have any pets? sadly no

how tall are you? 5'4. which is perfectly average.

favourite subject in school? i honestly do not remember what i liked in elementary school. OH novel studies. reading and analyzing books for sure lol. in high school i loved english and psychology and comp civ, in uni my favourite class was biopolitics or anything forensic.

dream job: realistic dream job is forensic psychologist (experimental not clinical) which i got accepted into masters for!! so i will be studying that in september :3 and like, non-realistic dream job is voice actor, i've always wanted to be one of those people who you recognize their voice and then open their IMDB and they've been in like a million different projects

i dont interact with too many people on here so i won't tag 15 ppl lol but im going to tag @kitkat-tat @sionnaach @hyperfigations. but obvs no pressure :)

have fun, yeehaw

[geminid]

some thoughts about things related to leo and takumi. before that tho i got a new drawing tablet but need a new desk chair so ive been forcefully removed from drawing for the time being.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and I wanted to put it somewhere because of. some reason. To get it off my chest maybe. But anyway, if you've gone through the contents of my blog you might have noticed that I just don't draw Leo and Takumi with their sons. And for some reason the irrational part of me thinks that people will really hate me over this so I hope you can read the rest with an open mind.

Generally I draw them while they're young adults, and either before they have a relationship or still at the beginning of their relationship. I think this is the most fun period to draw about. I also don't really consider the baby realms as part of my headcanon, because honestly, theyre ridiculous.

But there's actually more to it than that. I don't really like talking about myself so it pains me to do this. I have a very fraught relationship with my parents and a lot of my struggles stem from that. This may be typical of an artist who draws anime guys on tumblr dot com. I think for others they might find it cathartic to explore fiction where there is a loving parent child relationship, but I'm the kind of extreme who just doesn't really enjoy parent child stories in general. Usually it doesn't really matter because my ships don't have canon kids but fates is a special situation so it makes me feel bad.

I actually just. Can't do it. When I try to think about Leo and Takumi as parents there's just a big block that forms in my mind. If I try to force past that block I feel nauseous and want to throw up. You might think this is dramatic and that's because it is but unfortunately it is what happens.

I do like Forrest and Kisaragi as characters, don't get me wrong. I love the fates cast and they both have really fun interactions with other characters. I also am able to S support Leo and Takumi off to whatever female character in game and pick up their kids from baby realm daycare. The issue really only pops up when it involves more than that, my headcanons or my fanwork, stuff that is more personal to me. Please do not take any of this as a dislike of either of them or a disdain towards the idea of leo/takumi as parents, because it's a personal problem I have and nothing to do with anyone else.

I guess I'm sorry that I have to leave out such important things. I am a person so I'm bound to change and heal and grow and maybe I'll get past this but I can't rush it and don't know if that will happen before I move on to other things. I will say that I already enjoy what I do now and I think what I make is worth it for me regardless.

[ravennasgf]

LL: More

TW: su!c!de 

A/n: Was listening to More by Halsey when I came up with this 

Being Lady Lesso’s secret lover was hard, but I accepted it for her sake. 

Attending a ball for students and staff and not being able to dance with her hurt a little. Yes we were both Nevers, but she still didn’t want to have our relationship known. 

“So anyone in your life yet?” My best friend Emma asks 

“No, unfortunately,” I say as I see Lesso looking at me with a flash of hurt in her eyes. 

~~ a few days later 

Leo has been ignoring and avoiding me. I decide to talk to her. I knock on her room door. 

“What do you want?” she asks her tone ice-cold

“What did I do wrong Leo…”

“Don’t call me that you have no right after what you said.”

“Is this about the ball? You’re the one who wanted our relationship secret because of your reputation and I have kept that,” 

“Well it seems that you’re more than happy to be single so leave. I have a function to attend with someone,” she says. Hurt and betrayal fill me at how quickly she tossed me aside. 

“So you’re pretending that there was or is nothing between us?”

“You made that clear the other day,”

“Nora…”

“No! get out now,” she shouts. I do so tears falling down my face as I leave the woman I love behind. 

~~~ a week later 

I see her around the school with the new me, she’s very similar to me, and it hurts like hell. I spend the day working the nights drinking myself into oblivion to drown my sorrows. 

Broken beyond repair I take a week off of teaching. I turned to self harm, anti-depressants and alcohol still to numb the pain. 

My dearest Leonora,

I have loved you for the longest time. I still love you and I can’t help it. Somehow I still love you more. I am truly sorry for everything that happened. I’m glad that you have found someone to move on with. I’m sorry for the hurt that I caused you. I’m sorry that the future we talked about won’t happen with me, but I hope your new girlfriend can fulfil it. I wish you nothing but the best. I know that you also hate seeing me every day, so I’m leaving so you no longer have the reminder of me. Again I’m so sorry, I will love you til my dying breath (soon) and wish you all the happiness in the world. I’ll see you on the other side.

Love y/n

I go to the garden and conjure a piano to play and sing as I cry my eyes out. It won’t matter soon I’ll be dead. The pain to much to handle. I start playing More by Halsey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLw3JCQSkCU 

I grab the letter out of my pocket and head to Nora’s office. I knock but there’s no answer meaning she’s out. I open the door and place the letter on her desk. I look around at the room seeing all the memories it holds I decide that the sooner I die, the better for me. I head to my room grabbing my razor, whiskey, and two bottles of pills. I then head to the old headmasters tower. It was time. 

~~ 

After ingesting the pills and alcohol and making deep cuts on my wrist crying my eyes out, my eyelids feel heavy. They finally close. 

~~

Lesso’s POV

Walking into my office I see a folded letter on my desk. As I open it and read it I feel overcome with emotion. I feel a little guilty about what happened. I regret not talking it through with her instead I pushed her away. “I will love you til my dying breath (soon)” as I read that line I stopped breathing. Is she planning what I think this implies. No, please no. as I finish reading the letter I feel a part of my die. A pain rips through my heart and I know that I was right in what she was implying. No, she’s gone and it’s all my fault. 

“NO!” I scream out in pain as my heart breaks even more tears falling a million miles an hour down my face. Dovey and Emma run in.

“Lesso? What happened?”

“y/n she’s gone,”

“What?!’ they ask confused

“I’ll explain later we need to find her,” we all run out of my office trying to find her. I check the tower. Upon entering the tower I see her body on the floor, blood pooled around her. Alcohol bottles and pill bottles. I feel my heartbreaking even more. I rush forward and collect her body pulling it close to mine cradling it, as I scream out in pain. I eventually pick her up and carry her into the evers castle. Dovey and Emma see me and rush forward with tears in their eyes. 

I bring her to the infirmary and lay her cold body down. 

“What happened to her to get to this point,” Emma asks

“That may be my fault,” I whisper out

“What did you do?” Dovey asks me angrily. So I explain everything

“You know a true loves kiss can bring her back,” Dovey says. 

“Just give it a go,” Emma pushes. 

“Ok,” I give in. I give her a small kiss on the lips. 

“Lady Lesso?” I hear y/n say hoarsely.

“y/n you’re ok?” I say with relief. 

“Yeah, why are you here shouldn't, you be with your new girlfriend?”

“We’re not together anymore. I need you, and only you just like I love you and only you,”

“You clearly don’t Lesso and that’s fine, but please leave.”

“No please listen.”

“Fine,” she agrees 

“y/n I love you and I know that I said we should keep our relationship secret but instead of talking it out that night I pushed you away, and I regret it with every fibre of my being as I almost lost you. y/n I love you and I want the whole world to know that it’s you that I love, want and need.” I explain desperation evident in my voice along with love. 

“I love you too Lady Lesso,” she says quietly

“Will you be mine again?” I ask 

“Yes but only if we start talking these things out,”

“I promise darling I can’t live without you,” I tell her honestly. She gives me her incredible smile which makes me smile. 

a/n: please give any requests I’m out of ideas

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 14th Jan ✨

Oh, friends, I have had a shit week but these listens have definitely gone some way to making it bearable. Happy Audio Drama Sunday 🎧

👻 @tellnotalespod oh how I love you and how I have missed you!! It seems that some time has passed since the end of S1 and Leo has OBVIOUSLY made absolutely stellar choices in the meantime. Nothing is better for one’s mental health than isolation and trusting the slimiest creature on god’s green earth. 

🦀 @thesiltverses (37) my beloved Silt Verses have returned with a frankly exceptional HOUR long episode filled with so many things to scream about that I don’t even know where to start. Val’s revelation that extreme power can also be used to bring people joy is VERY interesting indeed. They were never going to be able to control her, but I doubt it even more now. And PAIGE stepping up!! Part of me really wants a Val vs Paige stand off but most of me wants to protect Paige at all costs… I am loving the music choices this episode and the scene with the telephone calls was so good! Also, PLEASE stop foreshadowing Carpenter’s death, I am going ‘lalalalalala I can’t hear you!!’

🧳 I listened to episode 8 of Travelling Light by @monstrousproductions after a night shift and the hazy tiredness only served to make it even more transcendentally beautiful. I adore the blossoming friendships aboard the Tola, especially between the Traveller and Óli 😭🌌

👁️ @malevolentcast (39) I love it when you can *feel* that an episode is gearing up to a season finale, a few little loose strands tied up here and there but one BIG problem looming for the finale. I NEED to remember to not listen to this show when I’m emotionally compromised in any way because I found myself bloody sobbing as Marie was talking about her son. I should know that Malevolent is going to play dirty with my emotions. 

🏛 @the-mistholme-museum ENDLESS okay I don’t want to ruin this for anyone who hasn’t listened yet but !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!!!!!!!

🐬 @patterspod P Files brought creative levity into our lives with the tale of Professor Fantabulum. I’m honestly a huge fan of the idea of creative genius as a torch passed on to the people who you inspire

🌨️ @thewhitevault (5) Oh I just don’t trust this guy at all. . . everything he says is so perfectly plausible that there’s just obviously something wrong with him. My friend pointed out that the family meeting mentioned surveyors . . . . .  Now S has been killed by something . . . . I just adore the way The White Vault slowly ramps up the cosmic kind of horror but you’re so distracted by all the other scary human shit going on that your brain is primed and ready to be terrified by the obviously fictional stuff by the time it happens. It’s such clever writing!! 

❤️‍🔥 The Love Talker (6) Ah, now, Ren…. Just because you *can* do something, doesn’t meant necessarily mean that you should… you feel me? Some of the anatomical descriptions in this episode made me want to vomit a little. It’s so awful, I need to know what happens next!!

🏢 @somewhereohio (S2E5) I’m absolutely living for these scenes with Green and Sterling. Are they squishing my heart into pieces? Yes. Do I feel sick to my stomach thinking about the impossibility of trying to perfect and control the one you love? Yes. Can I have more, please? 

🍾 I finished season 1 of @ameliapodcast and what an absolute DELIGHT that ending was!! What an absolutely masterful raising of the stakes at just the right moment in time to keep the listener absolutely hooked. I hope Tara and Lily come back one day, they were so much fun and I think will be even more fun as free agents! 

🌫️ @souloperatorpod dropped this week and the first episode is very intriguing indeed! I think I need to relisten without any distractions if I want to stand a chance of collecting all the threads of red string I’m going to need for this show! I really love the theme music and am very excited for more! 

♦️ The Grotto continues to be an absolutely WILD delight. I caved and listened to two episodes this week but it’s okay because I still have ep 4 in my back pocket. I love the music, the sound design, the fact that it is literally impossible to work out what the hell is going to happen next. Go listen to The Grotto!! 

Thanks to everyone making art - it makes things better 💓 I’m so excited for @camlannpod next week!!  

[nightlyrayne]

TW: Lying, Manipulation, Cheating, Gabe Hicks

I have spent the last few days debating on whether or not I should speak up about my own past relationship and experience the TTRPG Gabe Hicks otherwise known by his handle as GabeJamesGames. I've decided to do so, in hopes that I may reach anyone that dated him and believed the were exclusive be given the same chance to know the truth as I have been given.

I'm going to cut this as short as I possibly can, mostly because everything is still very much scrambled in my head and trying to go through our past conversations has already been incredibly painful and difficult. I'm also sorry if this is a bit of a mess, or doesn't make sense anywhere. I tried to go back through our messages to be as accurate as possible, as I know I have a poor memory and an even worse sense of time.

Gabe and I started talking around late July of 2020 after I made a TikTok duetting him in his Matt from Dream Daddy cosplay. Things quickly become very flirtatious and suggestive between us. It did not take very long after that, somewhere between August and September we decided to be exclusive without labeling. I had firmly believed us to only be talking romantically and sexually with each other and expressed interest in becoming "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend when we met each other in person. Gabe agreed to this. Expressing he only had an interest in me and was more than happy to be exclusive.

In mid October I flew from Arizona back to my home state of Pennsylvania to meet him in person. He rented an Airbnb, though I did visit his home to meet his mom, one of his sisters, and his dog Leo. At one point during my stay, I was present for a live stream by his side as we carved pumpkins. I received no introduction when the stream began. Not my name, who I was, or what I was to him. I was simply there. And as a shy person who also has social anxiety, I said nothing because I was too nervous and didn't want to make things awkward. Though it felt awkward nonetheless. And immediately after the stream ended, he himself brought up the fact that he forgot to mention me. In the moment my only thought was "Well, at least he realized". And let it drop because I didn't want to have a fight.

Going home was extremely rough for me. I am the type of person that when I fall, I fall hard. I become very attached. And leaving was heartbreaking. The only thing that has helped was that he'd given me one of his shirts and had spoken about the possibility of moving in together down the road.

After that, things remained steady for a few more months. Though the issue of him wanting to remain completely private bothered me greatly. I brought up the fact multiple times, already apologizing while bringing it up because I felt like I was being too needy. In a way, I suppose I was gaslight myself, which made it all the easier for him. Especially when all I had ever asked was for him to put he was in a relationship on his social medias to help ease my anxiety. I expressed that my confidence in relationships came from having a partner who at least expressed that they were in a relationship. I didn't ask for my name nor my social media to be given. Though a part of me had definitely wanted that has well. I asked him for a compromise of just having "Taken" or "In a relationship" on his social medias. But every time I brought it up, he would claim he was already compromising by letting me meet his family and having his friends know about me. (Though whether his friends actually knew about me is unknown, as I don't remember having met or spoken to anyone of them.) At one point he even told me he had a stalker in the Netherlands and was worried about possibly upsetting her and having her come after him or I.

Things got harder after he got his new apartment February. Messages got less and less. By March hadn't received any 'I loves you's or 'I miss you's since January. I was getting more anxious about his growing number of followers and flirtatious behavior online, so I was being up being slightly public more and more. Around late May, early June, I could tell he just was no longer interested. He wasn't pointing in any effort. And while I had desperately wanted to make it work, I could tell he did not want to make it work. So I suggested stepping down from being romantic to just being friends. We never spoke after that, but we remained mutuals on TikTok and I would occasionally see him liking me stuff. Which, unfortunately, gave me more hope that I still want something to him than I would have liked.

I believed he had truly cared about me at some point during our relationship. But on Wednesday, my friend sent me a reddit post about him. I spent the whole day going through everything I could remember and wondering if he had been cheating on me as well. I posted my timeline of dating him on the Reddit post and was unfortunately informed that my timeline over lapped with TWO other people. One of them being the person he had claimed to me was a stalker.

I tell my story, though I was clueless until now, in hopes that anyone else who was hurt knowingly or unknowingly will find my story. That if they didn't know what kind of person Gabe was, they do now. And if they had already found out and haven't been in contact with any of his other exes, please know you are not alone. Please, please, please feel free to message me. And I am so sorry for the pain he has caused you, myself, and who knows how many others.

[candeathbereal]

Astro Observations (Synastry)

-The moon is such an important thing to consider in astrology you know why? Besides it being a big deal with how you express yourself emotionally and general stuff connected so intensely to you, but our experiences and emotions really connect us as humans so certain things just don't vibe well with certain people due to those experiences and such.

For example, I know two people who basically have almost the same big six (their Suns, Mercury, Venus, and Mars are all conjunct) but the only difference is their moon signs. One has a Cancer moon while the other has a Gemini moon (so close to having the same moon right?!) Now the core difference for me and how I interact with the two is fairly different. Especially since I have a Virgo moon and that is a consistent thing for me (I have a Virgo moon in both tropical and sidereal because of how degrees work and such) let's use tropical for this tho just cause I feel more knowledgeable on that as opposed to sidereal (it's a work in progress for sure). Anyways my moon is at the 28' 28' degree in Virgo and I have a Leo rising. So with whole sign synastry overlays Gemini would land in my 11th house whereas cancer would land in my 12th house. That by itself makes me have an interesting vibe with cancer placements as a whole and moon is not exactly at it's best in the twelfth house. I'll also include that these two are people I work with.

Anyways, in my personal experience cancer moons have not been the greatest to have an experience with (for me) since there is always a chance of their moon being squared my moon (degrees are important imo) and if they square my moon they will most likely square my Mercury and my Venus. Plus in the 12th house....tough shit. In the 11th house I think helps simmer down the agony and torture that this synastry aspects could cause. (Again degrees matter)

Back to what I was talking about earlier though. With the gemini moon they trine my moon and sextiles my mercury and my venus whereas the cancer moon person squares my moon, venus, and mercury. Not great stuff and it doesn't help that their suns are opposite my mercury and venus (with the gemini moon it's a mutual for sun opposite mercury but not venus since their venus is in a different sign than their mercury). It isn't all too bad but there is a difference in my interactions with the both of them. Surprisingly enough I have an easier time casually talking to the cancer moon as opposed to maybe the Gemini moon but I'm a horrible talker already with people. I'll also add that even though I have an easier time talking to the cancer moon....I do prefer talking to myself or others if possible (nothing really against them it truly is because I am more of a loner than apparently most people) I don't know either one of their rising signs so that probably does something maybe idk. Now with placidus the gemini moon would be in my 10th house whereas the cancer moon is in my 11th house. But if we went with whole sign then gemini moon would be in my 11th house and cancer moon in my 12th house. Of course 12th house isn't known for being a great house overlay for synastry (for most at least), but for me it's rough...

Another thing I want to add is that in my experience a lot of aspects in your natal chart will affect how aspects in synastry will act out. Which goes into my next point is that my natal moon opposes my mercury and venus so I think that is a contributing factor to why it's 'easier' to talk to the cancer moon as opposed to the gemini moon. I know that doesn't make too much sense.

Let me include their placements since I'm about to wrap this up.

Sun and mercury: Libra

Venus: Leo

Mars: Sag

Anyways I might talk about this more another time but I would love to know you guy's thoughts.

Side note: I have figured out one of their rising signs so I will be posting about that and post a link here

[cock-ainee]

Hello! Please forgive me.

If you are still doing matchups, is it alright if I get a (normal, animatronic) romantic Fnaf Security Breach one? I understand if this is closed and you may ignore this message if so.

My pronouns are she/her, I'm an introvert and if you consider astrology, I am an Aquarius Sun, Cancer Moon and Leo Rising. I am straight and prefer guys but if that doesn't count than you can ignore. I don't really like revealing much about myself so you can say that I'm shy and mysterious. My hobbies include dancing (especially ballet and sometimes kpop). My talent is fitting into kids clothes because of slender my body is. My expression tends to look very distant and sad. I cannot emphasize enough how much I want to look like a Ball Jointed Doll, so I try to get as many sweet lolita dresses as possible. I love tea and coffee, I also like wearing (and buying) anything pink. I don't like heavy or gourmet meals (or food in general). If I were to be an animatronic, I'd be a cat.

If this wasn't enough information, please let me know 😭

(Ahh, as this is my first fnaf match, i hope you'll enjoyy, and i did everything right!!)

Your match is Sundrop!

The first time you and Sun met, he thought you were actually a kid-! Being the responsible daycare attendant he is, he picked you up and immediately brought you back to the daycare!

Only when you've started speaking, with the tiny voice of yours, he understood how mistaken he was! Nonetheless, with the bubbly personality he has, he managed to open your introverted self up a little, and you two had quite a good time in the daycare.

Except if you went around throwing things! Or tried to turn the lights off...

You were quite the duo - you were fairly quiet most of the time, acting as if you weren't even there, letting Sun do all the talking. And oh he loved it! He was a little protective over you still, because even knowing your age you looked so frail to him!

When you got a bit more acquainted, he immediately noticed how much you seemed to get in the tunes of music. And then he found out why - because you were keen on dancing! He was overjoyed! He immediately got into it and encouraged you to dance with him. You were both having fun, blasting the music loudly and just dancing like two sillies.

The other thing you two liked to do was play dressing up! He'd either look trough your clothes and try to make outfits out of them - he's trying his best! - or he'd get you some of those Freddy Merch shirts and let you try them on! There's nothing better for him than seeing you having fun.

He's a little worried about the fact that you don't seem to eat a lot. He cares for you very much, and sometimes may try to persuade you to eat. Some yum pizza, or other treats from the Pizzaplex?? He'll bring those right up!

And because he cares so much.. he's a bit worried he might hurt you, accidentally of course. He knows you may be in danger when Moon takes over, so he took his time to thoroughly explain to you why you should be careful with the lights, and what to do if he switches to his evil side. Your safety is a must for him! But still, he does his best not to turn the mood off to much, and keep you entertained!

Overall, Sundrop is a very sweet partner! He'll light up your day, make you fall in love with him - and babysit you, if you'll need!

(I hope it's up to your expectations!! 💗)

[bigupsdog]

Intro dialog for every Guilty Gear character day 2: Elphelt

Sol: A Rockstar now eh, ya like Queen?

El: Whoa, that's super retro, you really know your stuff, wait how old are you again?

Ky: Just so you know, no one back at Illyria castle saw you as any kind of burden.

El: I know, but I needed leave, I have to spread my voice.

May: Hay Elphelt, how are your sisters?

El: They're doing great, how are yours, it's alright if this takes a while.

Axl: You ever lose a person ya love?

El: Kind of, he was also a metal singer, but i'm still not really sure if I loved him or if I was told to love him.

Chipp: A rock star? Well I'm a ninja star.

El: The two of us will shine so bright we'll ignite the sky.

Potemkin: I always wanted to learn music, but I would break any instrument I'd get my hands on.

El: Oh no buddy, I'm sure we can make an instrument tough enough to handle your metal.

Faust: Diagnosis… butterflies… in… stomach.

El: Gross, get them out!

Milia: Not all love stories end in happily ever after I'm afraid.

El: Don't worry Millia you'll find the perfect someone someday.

Zato: Love? Is that what I feel when I'm around, her?

El: By her, do you mean, me!?!

Ram: Speothos Venaticus, hmm maybe we should get you a dog of your own.

El: Yes! Yes! Yes! Then your dog and my dog could be boyfriend and girlfriends, eek!

Leo: The castle has definitely been a lot less noisy since you left.

El: You can't scream your heart out in a place like that without someone else screaming at you to quiet down.

Nago: If you hand me that marriage certificate one more time I'll cut it to shreds.

El: Luckily I have hundreds more, so stop playing hard to get.

Gio: Speothos Venaticus? Met a couple of those where I'm from.

El: YOU DID! Tell me all about them and how they're the cutest, best thing in the world!

Anji: I wouldn't exactly say your music is good to dance too.

El: Oh you have to do a specific kind of dance, I think it's called the mosh.

I-No: Music, I prefer to call whatever you're doing, shit.

El: Well you're not very radio friendly.

Goldlewis: Never been much of a fan of metal, ya like county?

El: Nope :) But that's ok we all can like the music we like.

Jack-O: Just took Soooool on a really sappy daaaate.

El: Well don't hold out on me, let me hear all the juicy details.

HC: I've never heard anything like your music before, gotta say I'm a fan.

El: REALLY! If you sign here you can join my fanclub, it currently only has 4 members so seats are open!

Baiken: You're too loud I can barely hear myself think.

El: Oh sorry I'll try to play my new song “The Demons Deadly Wedding from Hell” a little quieter.

Testament: You were almost pupited to kill those you love… I'm happy you managed to avoid that fate.

El: Kliff… I know he loved you more than anything, even after you became a gear.

Bridget: I've heard about a secret energy called “Girl Power” can you teach me how to harness it?

El: My first decipl! I'll teach you everything I know!

Sin: So you decided to leave the castle and march to the beat of your own drum, I can respect that.

El: I'm marching alright and nothing's gonna slow me down, unless I trip.

Delilah: Would you mind quieting down? I'm trying to sleep.

El: I could sing you a death metal lullaby if you want.

Asuka R#: Just to warn you I am an artificial lifeform, but I am nothing like the Universal Will.

El: Just don't force people to do stuff they don't want to do and I guess you're fine.

Asuka R Kreutz: Any advice on being more entertaining for my podcast.

El: It's your lucky day cause you're talking to a girl who's listener count has doubled to 18, we'll get you your fans in no time.

Johnny: Love songs eh, ya got one for me?

El: Of course, and soon I'll have a song for every person on this planet.

ABA: Maybe one day you'll have half my charm and you can get a man half as good as Paracelsus.

El: Ahh thanks ABA, that's really sweet :)

[stranger-marauders]

i could never let you go

chapter six: the winner takes it all mamma mia! au

chapter summary: As Lena's wedding rapidly encroaches, she realizes there is only one person that she needs help from. Steve tries to talk to you about his feelings, but it's come much too late.

chapter warnings: language probably, use of y/n, single mom things,

word count: 3.1k

series masterlist | masterlist

Lena had been looking around the island for Leo for an hour.

Considering she currently had three separate men walking her down the aisle at their wedding later that day, she decided it was more than time to try to get Leo’s help. Even if she thought that he might not have been too happy with her, Leo would try to help her still, right? Anything was worth trying at this point.

Whenever she finally found him in the bar cleaning up the place, she felt a breath of fresh air.

“Leo!” she called, running to him as quickly as she could.

“Lena, what are you doing?” he asked concernedly. “It’s bad luck to see each other before the wedding!”

“It’s all gone wrong!” Lena said, obviously in distress. “Leo, you’ve got to help me. Please.”

“What’s going on?”

“This is a complete disaster, and it’s all my fault I know I shouldn’t have, okay, but I read my mom’s diary, and I’ve got three possible dads. I invited them all to the wedding, and I thought I’d know who my father was as soon as I saw him, but I didn’t. Now I’m waiting for my dad to give me away.”

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down. Go back a bit. You did what?”

“I invited my dads to our wedding. It was three months ago. I–I didn’t even think they would all come.”

“Three months?”

“Leo, you have to help me. Please, I’m begging you.”

He, however, had questions that needed answering first. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t like it.”

“Damn right, I wouldn’t like it. I don’t like it.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I–I thought we talked about this. About everything. I thought we trusted each other. You went behind my back for someone you’ve never even met. For three of them, actually.”

Lena felt lightheaded. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Is that what this big white wedding’s for? It’s all just so you can find your dad?”

“No! It’s not!”

“I wanted to take a boat out to the mainland. Just get married with a couple of witnesses. You insisted on this fantasy wedding just so you could play family with some random guy!”

“It’s about knowing who I am, Leo!” Lena argued. “I wanted to get married knowing who—”

“It doesn’t come from knowing who your dad is, lena. It comes from you. I mean, Jesus, Lena, how would you feel if I lied to you about something like this? I’m marrying you because I love you, not because I need to understand myself.” Leo paused, wiping his face as his voice became brittle. “I thought that was what you wanted. I just don’t know anymore.”

Lena’s eyes began to water. “You don’t know if you love me?”

“I don’t know if that’s what you really want.”

Before Lena could reply, Steve came into the room. When both Leo and Lena turned to him, he averted his gaze.

“I’m so sorry, I, uh… I’m obviously interrupting something. I’ll go.”

“No. No, we were just finished,” Leo said, somewhat bitterly. He turned to Lena once again. “Listen. Just think about it.”

Whenever he left the room, Lena started to follow him. “Leo, wait!”

“Lena, just leave him alone,” Steve said, blocking the way towards him. “He’s right. You have to be sure this is what you really want.”

“This has got nothing to do with you!” Lena argued.

Steve didn’t finish his sentence. He found himself right back to where he was that summer of 1990, not sure of what he truly wanted. He married his ex-wife simply because he wasn’t sure, because he didn’t want to cause waves on a whim, and now he regretted that more than anything. Now that he was older, the only thing he knew for sure is that it should have been you. It should have been you every night after he’d met you.

With that in mind, he wasn’t going to let Lena make that same mistake.

He cleared his throat. “I can’t give you away unless I know you’re really going to be happy.”

“I’ve already had this conversation with my mother, and she knows me a lot better than you do.”

“Yeah? What does your mom know about marriage and divorce?” Steve asked, chuckling. “Look, Lena, I’ve got twenty years of good advice to cram into you in about two minutes, so just hear me out, okay? You’re so young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you—”

“Not now, Steve, please—”

“But I’ve been there, Lena. I’ve done the whole big white wedding, and the cake, and the… you know. It doesn’t always turn out happily ever after. I can still hear my ex-wife screaming at me, even now.”

“That’s not me, though,” she replied. “I love Leo more than anything else in the world. Did you feel that when you got married?”

Steve hesitated. He’d never felt that with anyone but you. “No, I didn’t.”

“Well, it sounds like I’ll be okay, then.”

When Lena left the room, Steve sighed. They truly were different.

Eddie had come to visit you while you were trying to get your outfit together.

You hadn’t seen anyone since that morning really, maybe except for the occasional small conversation with either Robin or Nancy. That didn’t include the orders that you’d seemingly barked at your staff as you tried desperately to make this wedding perfect for Lena. The last thing you needed was for her to accuse you of trying to ruin her wedding on purpose.

Because of your limited availability that day, you were surprised to see Eddie out of anyone that afternoon.

“Y/N, sweetheart, you available?” he asked, holding something in his hands.

“Eddie!” you said, somewhat flustered. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I wanted to give you this.”

Eddie gave you the piece of paper in his hands, which happened to be a check. You didn’t truly look at it before you got even more flustered.

“No, I don’t mean here right now, I mean… I mean on this island. What are you doing here?”

“Just take this. Please.”

Whenever you finally looked at the check, you thought you were going to have a stroke. You didn’t think you’d ever had this much money in your life, and now you were simply holding it in your hands.

“Jesus Christ, Eddie! What is this?”

“I thought you must have had to tighten your belt after so many years. You’ve been looking after Lena for so long on your own. I just… I jsut wanted to contribute a little something to the wedding. Consider it a gift to the bride’s mother.”

“Eddie, I can’t take this. This is too much.” 

“It’s nothing. That doesn’t even cover what the band makes on tour.”

You had almost forgotten about that. The last time you’d gotten the opportunity to see Eddie’s band play, they were only playing for small crowds. The last you’d heard, Corroded Coffin had been selling out venues across the world, still after all these years. It wasn’t a surprise that Eddie was able to cough up that much money and it still seem like a small amount. He was quite literally a famous rockstar. 

You pressed your lips together, trying to make yourself smile. “This would cover four weddings and a funeral. It’s a lovely gesture, but…”

“Do you remember the last time you said that to me, sweetheart?”

You shook your head. “No.”

He smiled fondly. “It was the night I gave you my first guitar. I can remember thinking, those are the last words I’ll ever hear from you, and I’ll always treasure them. ‘Oh, Eddie, it’s a lovely gesture, but…’”

You laughed. “You’re full of shit. I’m sure I just said ‘Thank you’ like the nice school girl I was raised to be.”

“There she is,” Eddie said, smiling again. “You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you laugh since I got here?”

“What did you expect?” you asked. “I’m a bit stressed around here, as you can see.”

“A bit more of the old you, I think,” he replied. “A bit less of that nice schoolgirl you were apparently raised to be. First I’ve heard of that, I think.”

“Eddie…”

“You remember that summer? I do,” he said. “We had a real nice time if I remember correctly. Consider it damages for any pain I’ve caused you.”

You sighed softly. “I can’t take this from you, Eddie. I don’t know why you think I should.”

“I just want you to have it.”

Whenever there was a knock at the door, Eddie sighed. “We can talk about this later. I’ll see you at the wedding.”

“The wedding?” you asked, confused.

Eddie gave a grin. “Yeah. I’ve been invited.”

By the time Eddie left, you weren’t given any time to think about his final statement before Lena walked in, holding her wedding dress in her hands.

Part of you was surprised to see her. You didn’t think she would want to see you before the wedding after the conversation that you’d had that morning. Another part of you was glad: you didn’t think you could handle your daughter still being angry with you by the time she walked down the aisle. Now, though, your daughter was standing in front of you, half-ready and holding her wedding dress.

“Is that the dress, then?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Lena answered sheepishly.

“You look beautiful, baby.” You wiped your face, trying to hide the tears that started to brew in your eyes. “Okay, and are Jenny and Sarah helping you?”

“No,” she answered. You turned to her sharply in concern only to find her with tears in her eyes. “Will you help me, Mom?”

You nodded, moving her to sit down on the bed.

As you helped her get into her wedding dress, do her nails, do her hair her makeup, and quite possibly anything that she needed to get done before she walked down the aisle that evening, you couldn’t help but reminisce about the past. Your little girl was all grown up. That was the real reason you didn’t want her to get married yet. Yeah, you thought it would have been nice for her to explore the world, but she didn’t have to do it on her own like you did. For so long, it had just been you and Lena against the world. Now, though, you and Lena would face the world separately, but together.

You couldn’t wait to hear about her adventures.

While you were helping her into her wedding dress, Lena said, “Do you think I’m letting you down?”

“What?” you asked. “No, why?”

“Because everyone always tells me ‘Your Mom’s so cool, bringing up a kid, running a business all on her own.’ I just feel like I’m letting you down.”

“Well, I didn’t really have much of a choice, now did I? My mother disowned me whenever I got pregnant. I didn’t even go back home after I found out.”

Lena’s head jerked toward you, her face painted in utter horror. “What? I didn’t know that?”

“I didn’t want you to get upset. Our relationship was already bad, anyway. You had nothing to do with ruining that.” You paused. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. Even if my life is hard sometimes, or maybe I seem angry at the world, I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant I got to have you.”

That was true. Your mother, some rich aristocrat singer in Upstate New York, was someone you hadn’t talked to since you’d found out you were pregnant all those years ago. You didn’t have any plans of ever seeing her again after the way she’d treated you that night and throughout your entire life. Now, though, you were thankful she wasn’t in your or Lena’s lives. The rich girl lifestyle hadn’t ever been for you, anyway. You were much better roughing it the way you were now with no one in the world but Lena to worry about.

Without another moment’s hesitation, Lena turned to you with a glimmer in her eyes. “Will you give me away, Mom?”

You were taken aback. You could only nod, your eyes swelling with tears. “Of course, baby.”

“I love you, Mom.”

You quickly took her into a hug before Lena went off, making the last preparations with Sarah and Jenny before the wedding began.

Whenever the sun finally began to set on the horizon of Lake Michigan, you knew it was time to start walking toward the chapel.

The walk wasn’t too far from your villa. While the decision to build your villa near the chapel certainly hadn’t been on purpose, it had been nice considering people would stay at your villa and have small receptions for their own weddings at your place. If anything, those weddings were almost like practice for Lena’s own wedding.

As you began your walk to the chapel, Steve stopped you, calling your name.

“Not now, Steve.”

“Lena told me you’re the one that’s giving her away tonight,” he said, still standing in front of you.

“Yes, I am. Who else would do it?” you asked, somewhat confused.

“What about her father?”

“Her father isn’t here,” you said firmly.

“It’s what she wants. She told me she wants her father here. Maybe her father wants her as well.”

“What?”

You didn’t understand what he was saying. While you knew that Lena had always had a desire to know who her father was, it wasn’t like she had any idea of who he truly was. Steve, on the other hand, surely couldn’t have had any suspicions. You weren’t even sure that he’d truly talked to your daughter.

“Please don’t do this to me right now, Steve. I don’t wanna hear this right now.”

“Y/N. Y/N, just listen. This is about us, okay? Not anyone else.”

“Steve.”

“Listen to me. Please, just listen. I still love you. Even after all this time, I still love you. And Lena—”

“No.”

Steve hesitated. “What?”

“We’re not doing this right now. I don’t wanna talk about it, okay?” you said, finally snapping. “What’s happened between us is done. It’s over. It ended twenty years ago when you left me here to go home and get married. You let me love you whenever you knew you were getting married, and then you left. You left me alone here and you’ve made me feel like an absolute idiot since then!”

“Y/N, please—”

“No!” you said, cutting him off again. “You don’t understand what I’ve gone through, okay? I’ve had to live with the fact every single day since you’ve left that I was just a game for you. I was your last good time before you had to settle down with some nice girl from home. And you know what? It isn’t fair. Any of it. You’re not allowed to still love me. You’re not allowed to care about my daughter.”

“If you would please just let me explain everything—”

“There’s nothing to explain! You wanted to have the last greatest summer of your life before you had to grow up. I get it. But guess what? I had to grow up. I’m not letting you do this to me. Not after all this time.”

You paused, trying to gather yourself. You’d been waiting to say all of these things to him since the moment you’d watched him leave the island. As you lay into him now, though, your heart skipped a beat. You thought Steve was going to tear at the seams as he listened to your words. You’d always imagined that he would simply not take what you were saying to him and he’d just leave again.

Steve, however, had made it very clear that he wasn’t leaving.

“I get it, okay? You’re trying to make it up to me,” you finally said, your voice calm. “There’s nothing for you to apologize over anymore. It’s done. It’s in the past, and we can just forget about it. After tonight, there’s no reason for me to ever see you again. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Please let me make it up to you.”

“There’s nothing you can do to make it better.”

“Just let me try.”

You hesitated to respond. Even if you wanted there to be, you didn’t think there was much he could try and make better at this point. It had been much too long to fix anything between the two of you, you thought. All Steve was doing now was making things worse. It was almost like he refused to let you move on from him, even after all these years. 

“You remember this morning?” he asked anxiously. “You said you thought about if things were different between us. Let me make them different, okay? I want to be with you. I don’t want anything else in this world except for you and Lena.”

“Steve—”

“Please. Please, just give me a chance.”

You didn’t quite know what to say. It ached your heart to see him like this, begging for you to give him another chance. If he would have done this twenty-one years ago whenever you told him to leave, it might have been a different story. Even if you tried telling yourself that, you still wanted to hear him out. In a way, you wanted to give him a chance to make it better. You knew, however, that you couldn’t have done that, even if that was your last unfinished desire on this earth. You had Lena to worry about. You had the villa to worry about. You didn’t have time to rekindle a relationship that had lay dormant for twenty-one years. Even if you wanted to tell Steve yes, you knew you couldn’t.

“I hate that I still love you.”

With those seven words, Steve’s entire body almost exploded. You still loved him? After everything he had done to you, you still had feelings for him? Other than thinking, just for a moment, that you were absolutely insane after everything he’d done, his heart almost gave out. That meant that he could have still had a chance.

He couldn’t figure out something to say before you walked away from him, leaving him alone on the path to the chapel. Steve could only sigh as he walked toward the chapel, too, only hoping that Lena’s wedding went smoothly.

next chapter

[twilightmalachite]

VS★PRINCESS - Battle Royale 12

Characters: Mao, Leo, Subaru, Tsukasa, Esu, Fuyume, Nice

Translator: Mika Enstars

JP Proofreader: 310mc

"Thunderrrrrrrrr!"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: Prince Castle (Hall)

Nice: “All participants gathered here at the first venue, Prince Castle!”

Leo: Ooh, what is it, what is it?

Esu: It’s NiceP!

Fuyume: Oh, it is. For some reason, that weird old man was lowered down from the sky, like an angel.

No fair… It’s Yume who deserves such beautiful staging.

Esu: It’s fine. The appearance you made had more than enough impact.

Fuyume: Really? Yume was beautiful…?

Nice: “Allow me to introduce myself once again! I am Nice Arneb Thunder!”

Subaru & Leo: Thunderrrrrrrrr!

Tsukasa: G-Guys, please be quiet! Although I can understand that is a word that makes one wish to scream it out loudly!

Leo: Oh, so you get it? You're a boy too, huh, Suo~!

Subaru: It’s like a magic spell! Thunder!! C’mon, Sally~, chant it, chant it! ♪

Mao: Why are you under the impression that I work as a magician?

Nice: “Fufu, it appears it is a difficult name to remember, so you are free to call me Nice-san.”

Subaru & Leo: Nice-saaaan!

Tsukasa: I told you to stop making a ruckus! It’s embarrassing!

Subaru: I like that guy’s sparkly vibe a whole lot. ♪

Mao: Is that so? I find him sort of fishy, though…

Nice: “Fufu, what a nice reaction! ♪”

“I am thankful that I seem to be welcome here! For whatever reason, people tend to be taken aback despite myself simply acting in an ordinary way—”

“Well, that aside. I didn’t appear only to surprise you guys, you see!”

“Allow me to explain to you the contents of the “competition” that will take place at this venue.”

Mao: Oh, now that’s pretty important.

Subaru: Yeah, ‘cause honestly, it’s been nerve-wracking not knowing what they’re gonna make us do.

Esu: Think we’re gonna end up killing each other after all?

Fuyume: If so, Yume will protect you, Esu. Esu’s enemies are Yume’s enemies.

Esu: Right now, my greatest enemy is you.

Nice: “Fufu, I’m overhearing some ominous words, but—”

“We have no intention of making this that sort of brutal competition, of course.”

“I’ll say it again, and again. You idols are the sun that illuminates this world.”

“Why would we cover you with mud in order to measure your brilliance?”

“Allow me to be specific and concise.”

“—I’d like you to hold the “Best Ball (butou-kai)”.

Mao: A martial arts tourney (butou-kai)? Are we gonna battle in order to determine who's the strongest in the world?

Subaru: What are you talking about, Sally~? Are you even paying attention?

Mao: Why are you so abnormally harsh when other people say something stupid?!

Nice: “Indeed, this isn’t a martial arts tournament where we will be battling each other, but a ball meant for dancing.”

“The same kind you see in fairy tales, such as in Cinderella and in Snow White, dancing with a “sha-la-la-laaa~” ♪”

Fuyume: Those are what Yume loves the most…☆

Esu: Oh yeah, you’ve always loved picture books and the like since way back.

Fuyume: Mhm. Y’know, Yume, ufufu, Yume wants to become a princess…♪”

Nice: “Alas, unfortunately, we are not prepared to hold a ball as we are now.”

“Take a look around. At the moment, the inside of this castle is completely empty.”

Leo: I was wondering about that. There’s nothing in here.

Esu: Right~… I was exploring all around out of habit, but there was nothing and no one both in or around the castle.

Nice: “In short, I want you all to prepare the ball to be held later on.”

“The ball will be held on the final day of 4piece here.”

“In other words, a week later.”

“You must prepare everything needed for the ball by the time that day comes.”

“That, simply put, will be the contents of the “competition” taking place here at the first venue, Prince Castle.”

Mao: Hmm… Sounds like something you’d see in the Hunter Exam![1]

Subaru: I have no idea what you’ve been saying for a while now, Sally~!

Mao: You should try reading manga sometime.

Subaru: Reading books makes me sleepy, you know? Even if it’s manga. I like the sparkle of real life more!

Tsukasa: Hm… It appears to be more peaceful than we anticipated, so that is a relief.

Leo: But how exactly do we prepare for a ball? In picture books and stuff, it’ll just suddenly be the day of. It’s not like we really know what’s needed, y’know?

Nice: “Of course, that’ll be part of the job for you all to think about!”

“Now, let’s rack our brains together. Just what exactly is essential for a ball?

Leo: Hm… Isn’t it usually thought of as a feast or somethin’? I’ve been to a couple party sortsa things myself, and it felt like I got to eat a bunch of delicious food for free!

Like roast beef! And sushi! And then some kinda teensy-weensy cake!

Tsukasa: What do you even mean by “teensy-weensy”...

Well, I’d say providing meals alongside other Services are essential to entertain invited guests, no?

Leo: Come to think of it, you’re a rich kid, Suo~, have you ever gone to an ordinary ball?

Tsukasa: Hm. Is it safe to assume the social Parties I would regularly attend and the ball we will be preparing for are similar enough?

Leo: I dunno the difference! And I dunno what we’re bein’ asked to do! I can’t write a song like this!

Esu: Ah, since it’s a ball, it means that there’s usually a dance, right? So maybe we’ll be needing outfits, or maybe a song for that?

Leo: Oh, if a song needs bein’ made, I can do that!

Though if I don’t know what kinda people are attending the ball and why, I dunno if I’ll be able to make the right song with just the right feel.

Esu: Honestly, if that much is unclear, then there’s not much that can be done, huh? Or well, okay, maybe that is also somethin’ we gotta come up with ourselves?

Nice: “Indeed—I hate to interrupt you as you all are so happily discussing, but you must decide what that is first.”

“First, we must think about the premise!”

[ ☆ ]

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A reference to Hunter x Hunter. During the Hunter Exams, a series of tests an individual must pass in order to become a certified member of the Hunter Association. The tests are decided by elite Hunters and change out every year. An example that comes to mind is when the protagonists are challenged to “cook a meal that would satisfy the examiner”—an out-of the-ordinary test among those that generally test one’s physical prowess.

[xxchthonicreaturexx]

Heyyy, I'm here for the Black Butler, romantic matchup!!<3 I already sent you the pictures.

To start of I'm a bisexual(?), but leaning more into hetero, female and I go by she/her. My mbti type is ENTJ, I'm an Aries with my moon in Leo and a Gemini rising.

I'm 168cm so 5'6ish and I have very long brown hair, I have an athletic/curvy body type. My usual style is a mix of "clean girl" and streetwear, but I do enjoy a more chic and feminine styles too. I follow certain trends and I have an interest for fashion. I wear glasses and I like expensive things.

I'm Russian/Iraqi and my heritage is very important to me, so I'd look for a partner that would be willing to put at least some effort into learning my native language for me, as I sometimes find it hard to express myself in English, having said that, I speak 3 languages fluently Russian, German and English and I'm currently learning French and trying to better my Arabic.

I'm finishing school right now and my grades are high, because I want to go to med or law school. I put a lot of effort into things and relationships that are important to me, I'd say that I am very loyal and I'm willing to do anything to protect people that are close to me.

For my hobbies I play the piano, game, paint and read (occasionally). I like any sort of physical activity but I mostly run and do CrossFit. I'm interested in basically everything that has do to with history and I love watching movies or series. (my current favs r the Witcher and suits). I like going to concerts and listening to music, I listen to everything but my favs r Nicki Minaj, Riri, Asap Rocky, Tyler, the creator, (old) Eminem, Kendrick, Ayesha Erotica, M.I.A, German rap and Russian pop, HEAVY on Nicki Minaj. I like lots of cute things like Sanrio, Hello Kitty, funko pops, cats.

I'm extroverted and I like talking, but it takes a lot for me to be 100% comfortable with a person and and fully trust them, as I don't like making myself vulnerable and I'm very independent. I'm pretty loud and I have very strong rules and beliefs. I like debating about things like religion or politics and I will absolutely argue with someone who disagrees with me if I have the chance to. I enjoy playful banter and bully/insult friends in a joking manner, but only if they reciprocate. I have a strong sense of justice and being fair is very important to me.

I will do anything to help my friends and family as they are very important to me, I would describe myself as a problem solver and a "natural leader" and I hate being ordered to do something, for me there's a difference between being asked and ordered to do something and I'm very sensitive to said difference. That said the next thing I say might make me seem like a bad person, but I often feel "superior" than other people, not in general but when it comes to certain topics like languages, hobbies or school. I trust myself more and I would rather do the whole project myself and get an A than have equal work as everyone and get a B or C, as I have high standards for myself and others. That being said, I would never outwardly act like I'm better than someone else. I'd say that I'm a mix of logical and controlled by my emotions. I always strive to be the best at things I care about, I stress a lot because of school grades, but except for that I'm very chill about everything else.

I used to be VERY insecure, so I do care about my looks and how I'm perceived, so I do try and appear "perfect" in a way, I'm very particular about the order of things or how I clean. I'm very neat, chaos and dirt annoy me a lot. I wouldn't say that I'm very forgiving, if the person has apologized I will respect them for that and won't act hostile towards them, but I will forever be wary of them and never let them close into my circle again. I'm also an all or nothing friend and will cut somebody off if they've wronged me or my friends.

I have been told by people that they where intimidated by me, having heard things like "I wanted to be friends with you but I was scared to talk to you.", I'd say that there are a lot of people who are jealous or mad at me, especially in my Arab side of the family, because I stand my ground now and stopped being an insecure, people pleaser.

When I argue with someone I tend to get loud and sometimes scream first and then distance myself. I still try to be empathetic even if I don't always know how to comfort people. Having said that my love languages are gift giving and quality time, mostly.

I'm scared of insects that aren't spiders or moths, being forgotten forever and dark places at night. I'm mentally pretty stable except for sometimes being an over thinker, a habit that I can't seem to fully get rid of and my ed, I have recovered but it never fully went away so I sometimes have reoccurring episodes of body dysmorphia and disordered thoughts, this is a thing that I basically only share with the most trusted people in my life, so I would like some reassurance from my partner sometimes. That's also why I'm sometimes weird with food.

I could be seen as a bit materialistic, because money is very important to me, but as a 2nd gen immigrant with one of my parents having lived in the Soviet Union that's just something that I've been raised to care about a lot.

I like receiving compliments and also like giving them, I also enjoy hanging out with friends and while I need alone time I also need a good amount of social interactions to feel good, I want my partner to be my most trusted person and someone I can always rely on, just like I want to be that for my partner.

Random fun facts: I want a snake and a cat, I like acting dramatic out of a joke, I'm told that I have a lethal resting bitch face and side eye 😔, I like love plushies and I have learned English from watching old cassette movies and I'm the mom friend

Thank you for reading this and drink some water:)

Hello hello! Thank you for doing the trade with me! <3 Sorry it took so long!

Edward Midford

I match you with Edward! Where to start...

In the school arc, Edward is placed in Green house, which is the house for all the athletic students. Edward is a good athlete and definitely could keep up with you when it comes to physical activity. He might have a hard time with JUST running, as he's used to fencing and cricket, but he'll get the hang of it quickly. He is an active man of course.

Edward may seem a bit bland. He's not a character that gets a lot of attention as opposed to his sister, Lizzie. But, from what I have seen he is a family man and adores his sister. That being said, once he finds someone he loves, he puts in a lot of effort. Just like you, he gives his all for his family, loved ones, and even schooling. I mean he got into the college he's gotta be smart-

He comes from a well off family. Money will never be an issue with him, and it's a given that he has to learn of other cultures for his status either way, so he'd be more than happy to learn about your heritage and even try learning your native language! He probably will struggle, as I'm sure he'll have plenty of other work to do ontop of studying a new language for you, but he definitely will give it the best shot he can.

You both are pretty extroverted people, and i think that goes well together! He isn't afraid to speak his mind, and neither are you. You two may argue a bit, Edward may say something a bit insensitive, or he might be spending too much attention on Lizzie other than you, and fights may leave you two distant for a few days, but he'll always come apologize with a bouqet and probably a kitten if it was bad. He knows you want a cat, and what better way to a woman's heart than a kitten?

Med or Law school would probably make his parents even more excited to meet you. They want a good match for Edward. They would've betrothed him to someone else had he not fallen for you, but you having a good head on your shoulders and the determination to have a good career really catches their attention. They're family people. They want the best match for their children, and want to think of you as a second daughter.

I feel like you two would overall just be a really good couple. Even when it comes to relaxing together. You could be playing the piano while he practices fencing moves. Just a good pair that is similar enough to get along well, and when you do fight, both care enough to drive their point until one apologizes. You two care a lot about your priorities, and theres nothing wrong with that!

Overall score: 8/10 Sometimes you may seem too similar, or he may not realize that he's not making time for you. But otherwise you two seem very good together :)

Runner ups: Joker (Book of Circus), Claude Faustus

Hope you enjoyed and thank you again for being patient!

[clavissionary-position]

Leon x Emma The Rose That Always Finds Him

tags: fuff, some suggestive content

Leon

Emma can't know how she looks when she smiles at me, but I wish I could show her all the same. I draw close to her face, the shadow of my head eclipsing her cheek just as the corners of her lips vault to opposite ends, and her teeth, a glimpse of a pink tongue, laugh into view, her smile exploding across my heart. Her hair slides soft between my fingertips as I tuck strands behind her ear, letting my hand linger and love along the delicate outer shell. I draw closer and closer until I see myself in her eyes, and it's a reflection more honest than any mirror has ever shown me. She tries so hard not to blink, even as her eyes begin to water. Somehow I always end up kissing her. Maybe I'm hoping that one of these days my smile will mirror hers and she'll finally know.

Emma abruptly breaks from the kiss. The overcast day fails to touch the vividness of her blush. "My King," She whispers with genuine surprise, or at least partial surprise, because I'm clearly not the only one disappointed from how short our kiss was. In fact, I think Emma's moved even closer to me than she was initially.

It's not that I've forgotten that we're in the throne room, or that our guests are still here. It's not that I'm an unfocused man, barring the torment of books. Emma just captivates me. And the meeting was pretty much done anyway.

"My Queen," I say with a grin as I nudge her cheek with the tip of my nose. She doesn't shy away this time, and her tiny hand closes around my wrist. "You just looked so delicious, I couldn't help myself." The growl in my voice isn't intentional but it has a desirable effect. Emma's eyes darken and her smile now is one I don't really want anyone else to see. Those retreating backs at the door can't vacate the room fast enough.

Even as I think that, I don't stop, always surprising myself with my own greed. But I can't help that every time she smiles at me, I lose myself to something so bright and vast that even as king I stagger at its magnitude. She could kill me so easily and she doesn't even know it. She uses her power over me instead to make me the happiest man alive.

Emma

I try not to betray how impatient I am to get back to Leon's room, yet here I am leading the way with a very amused king in my grasp. The longer he stays quiet the more I hear his laughter in these corridors, silent from the afternoon lull in palace activity. Every time I glance over my shoulder, Leon's smile nearly freezes me in place with its brilliance. He's impossibly handsome, but more than anything, the fact that the veil of loneliness has lifted from him makes my heart twinge with something bittersweet.

I wish I could show him that smile. How one smile can be one woman's entire world. Nothing else matters now that he is free. As long as he can greet the future on his own terms, that's enough for me. To be able to share that future with him is a gift I try my best to repay every single day.

"Am I that handsome?" Leon asks, suddenly frowning. He stops me and pulls me back. Before I can answer I'm wrapped up in his arms and pulled onto a familiar balcony.

"Leo-"

He kisses me, and it's different from the one in the throne room just now. His lips move as though he were speaking, but I hear no words. When he pulls away, I can't help but think of how oddly chaste the kiss was. And intimate. Brief but...

"Hm... still not quite right." Leon gives a wry chuckle. "I'll get it, don't worry."

I bring a hand to my lips. Somehow I know exactly what he's talking about. And I can't help but laugh, my heart filled with something so bright and vast that my legs feel weak.

"I like your kisses," I say as I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest. "So feel free to continue being wrong for as long as you wish."

fin

--- Thank you for reading! This may be subject to future updates/enhancements so feel free to revisit ^^

[neighborlywelcome]

i am a 5'5 - 5'6 18 year old kinda maybe girl ( lol im still figuring that stuff out :> ) i identify as a demigirl and use she/it pronouns.

looks wise i have brownish greenish bluish eyes ( im told lmao ?) and long curly brown hair. i'm a bit what i call pudgy as i love to eat like alote pfffft, and style wise i adore alternative kinda wismy looks, my fashion is mixed but i give off a sorta angelcore etheral vibe on my best days :D other days ( most days lol ) i rock the pj look like all the time. mostly my fave pair

Hiya!! i hope you are having a lovely day <3

i'm here for a tadc matchup if you please ! :>

my pronouns are it/she ( lol ichee ) my gender identity is like girl but not? i'm still figuring myself out tbh

i'm still questioning my sexuality but ik i'd be comfy with any character except kinger ( still love em but platonically like a silly dad/grandpa figure lol )

personality wise i am a bit 💫quirky💫 lmaO i try my best to be kind and understanding of others but if someone disrespects me iv been through enough to b like ok f i g h t m e GVBFVVFG jkjk , alas i am to squishy for that and will just seeth, i love talking and listening abt anything really but as an introvert i go quiet at times and go b by maself for a little while, i am a w k w a r d at first as i get a lil shy and junk but i open up pretty quickly tbh, anyways ummmm interests yeah ! i love any cartoon really-my favorites are arcane, mlp , and rwby along with collecting do dads like lil figurines and such, i enjoy learning abt the universe and just how things work to!

Now as for my type and favorite date ideaa- i kinda go for my opposites tbh those i compliment well , its also a big plus if there protective tbh gvhfbfbgh, i'd love to just have a quiet day together watching movies and snaking as a date or maybe going for a walk with ma s/o and talkin abt evreything and nothing :)))

hmmmm now just the extras ! my zodiac sign is leo, i am a bit short, i l o v e pink like id say honestly anything pink is my aesthetic lol-well pink cybercore + etheralcore really but yeah !

And lastly heres

anywaysssssss !!-byeeeee ✌️

Thank you for the request, I hope you're having a lovely day too! I think your ask got a bit mixed up in the shuffle, but it's no trouble!

YOUR MATCHUP IS...

RAGATHA!!!

I think you and Ragatha would be a perfect pairing! You balance each other out since Ragatha is a bit more extroverted than you and you’re more shy. But both of you are sweethearts and that kind/compassionate energy draws you to one another!

Ragatha loves the fact that the two of you could talk all night and all day about anything together. She’s a great listener for whenever you want to say something and likewise is not afraid to give her two cents whenever she’d like to ramble.

Besides your endless conversations about anything and everything, Ragatha would love the fact you get shy and she is very gentle and patient with you, especially on your more quiet days.

She’s nothing but attentive to your needs and happily indulges you in your hobbies like watching cartoons and movies. Ragatha is a pretty chill person and doesn’t mind going on relaxing dates between the excitement of the adventures and whatnot.

Of course, she’s also super protective and reliable. Spending eternity with Jax has made her tough and her only real fear is centipedes so if you ever need her to step in, she wouldn’t hesitate to.

And she thinks all the pink you wear is adorable! She likes everything about your looks, especially that you’re on the shorter side so she can pick you up and carry you around easily (if you want her to)!

[chaussur-blog]

Fuck you! (English translation)

So this is a comic that i made during the summer 21 (and thought out during the year before). So it's a lil old but i'm still very proud of it! I made it with watercolors, on paper of about 17cm x 17 cm.

The original is in French so if you understand it, you can find it: here.

There's the transcription of the text at the bottom of each page in case my handwriting is a lil hard to understand (original is paper, it was made more to be read like that)

Anyhow, enjoy!

Right that moment, i felt like dying

This meant, that some things had to change

Name change : Elliott

Delete these 28 contacts? yes / no

Reorientation : sociology - economy

Hi. I am non-binary. If you can’t respect that, please go to hell xoxo. Some people, 98 [redacted]

That’s why I am here !

University ♡

red hair / unconditional love for crop tops / emo 4 ever / uncertain gender expression / new in town / side-cut

Well. This year will at least be interesting

This precise second, my world exploded

I saw \*this girl - person\*

hair!! / nice smile / hypnotizing eyes / heck of a style/ real cool piercings

… and huge gay vibes

I needed a way, a pretext to talk to them, quickly

Fortunately, the universe wasn’t relying on my subtle flirting skills (& it’s fair)

Hi, do you know where the classroom is ? For orientation

I know where that is! I’ll show you. By the way, I’m Antoine.

Nice to meet you! I’m Elliott!

Little by little, we became pretty close

Coming!

A little too close

Fuck no

of course i wanna have sex with them but i really fucked up i want to have a romantic relationship with them too and this is not what they’re gonna think fuck

of course ; but not like that

solution 1 : talk about it (that’s the right one) / solution 2 : flee

yes ; i’m an asshole

What the hell?

Hi! I can’t be your sexfriend! Sorry (yesterday was fun tho)

Jerk.

Nothing matters anymore!

I am stupid

2 missed calls

Living in a world so cold, wasting away / Living in a shell with no soul, since you’ve gone away / Living in a world so cold, counting the days / Since you’ve gone away from me

Those were bad times.

Do not sit

I found shelter in books

and I, in a whole lot of things

Lectures were really awkward

But I wanted to explain.

Elliott!

Why are you talking to me?

I’m sorry. Can we talk ?

No, not really.

I really / screwed up.

Now is high time for my best coping mechanism

Hi! I’m Alice / I’m Leo! What do you do? / I study sociology and economy. / Could you explain inflation to me? Where do the money disappear to? / Let’s dance instead.

Sure!

Using strangers / Destroying myself

Bottoms-up

Elliott… / I haven’t seen you around, I’m worried about you

Talk to me.

Please let me give you my notes

Hi.

I'm sorry you have to see that, / Antoine

Okay. So you’re obviously feeling too bad for me to help you. But I’ll support you.

Everything will be alright. / There are several steps.

But firstly, do you see your current situation as a problem? / …Yes. / Are you ready,

To try to improve it? / Yes. / You’re sure? / Yes. I’m sick of living like this.

Neat! That was step 1

Thanks, Antoine

Step 2 is to clean your flat and keep it tidy enough

doing the dishes is better than piling them in your bathtub / air is great / changing your sheets, too / getting rid of the harmful stuff

Step 3: restructuring your days and getting rid of your bad habits

Every day: / hydrate eat (3 times) / go out at least once / rest, sleep / go to class & study

Every week: / plan meals / laundry / grocery shopping / do sport

uninstall Webtoons, Twitter and Instagram. / sober of self-harm (2 days) / quit alcohol and smoking / do sport / study, but not too much / journal

But Antoine was very clear: / We’re friends. We’ll see if we can be more when you get better.

There was one step left, last but not least: going to therapy

It took me time and energy. But it was worth it.

Thank you. / No problem, Elliott

Of course, I had some trouble

But Antoine helped me each time I asked him.

Sorry / Progress isn’t linear

That’s rich, prick

I feel much better, so I’m going to ask Antoine out. Well, that’s the plan

stressed out / black dye / attempt at a fancy outfit

Knock knock

Oh hi Elliott ! Looking very smart today!

Er…

Hi… Last time, we did not communicate very well. So I’d like to ask you properly, would you go on a date (with me)?

Of course, Eliott. / Glad to know that you are still interested.

and this date,

was the first of many,

and many other rendez-vous.

Thanks, the universe

***

If you're here i would really love for you to tell me that you read it / what you thought about it so please don't hesitate to! I hearing about it 🥰

And also you can find some more drawings of them on my Instagram: here.

But yeah, thank you, i send you much love, take care of yourself :)

[lonely-shine]

Rose's Roots

[Yesterday I replayed Rusty Lake: Roots and I needed to get this out of my system. Wordcount: 972. Read on AO3]

My name is Rose Vanderboom.

Albert Vanderboom is my dad and only parent. My cousin, Leonard, lives with us. He was gone for 4 years to fight in war, but has now come back.

Leo's much older than me, but since his parents died when he was my age, my dad raised him, and this is his home too.

Leonard doesn't like my dad. I think he might be scared of him. I'm not sure why; dad might be strange, but he has never harmed me.

Years pass. I am 12 now, and one day, when we're alone, I ask Leo why is he afraid of dad. He looks me in the eye and says: "I still have nightmares about the day my parents died. And your father appears in them."

"That can't be," I say. "He wouldn't. He’s my dad."

Leonard looks away and says nothing, and I do the same.

I know my dad. He has his masks and his dark magic, but he's raised me and I too talk to the dead. He loves me, and I love him back.

...But Leonard's fear isn't feigned.

Years pass. I am 15 now. Dad's away, Leo too. I'm alone in the yard when a paperplane comes out of the well. Scribbled lines in shaky, childish handwriting ask for water, and food, and a stick.

I take a bucket and use it to, one by one, lower water, food, and a stick to the bottom of the well.

When I pull up the bucket one last time, the man at the bottom sending me messages from the bottom comes with it.

He's old, like Leo. Maybe older. Much older than me. He's frail and skinny and he can barely stand with the help of the stick when I help him on the ground.

On his other hand, he holds a ripped teddy bear in a grip so tight like I haven't used on a plushie since I was a little girl. He's crying. I help him.

The man's name is Frank. He doesn't talk much. His voice is hoarse. He doesn't seem well.

Frank's much older than me, but he doesn't know how to do a lot of things. Dad taught me how to fend for myself. I care for Frank.

Frank never lets go of his ripped teddy bear. It's difficult —I don't want to wake him— but when he's asleep, I take it and sew it back together. When he wakes and sees it, he cries and hugs it tight. He thanks me, tells me he has nothing for me.

I didn't do it to get something back, but I need to know. "Tell me what happened to you."

I try to imagine how it would've been to live twice my life in a well and I can't. 33 years Frank spent in the well at the yard and I didn't know. And it's dad who kept him prisoner. It's dad who killed Leo's parents.

My dad loves me, and I love him back. He raised me. He threw Frank down a well. He taught me magic. He killed Leo's parents. He taught me how to fend for myself. He kept Frank on the well for over three decades. I love him. I owe him. I can't support his actions anymore.

Years pass. I am 17 now. In the past two years, Frank has improved a lot. He is healthier now, and can walk without his stick. I've been helping him with his reading and writing. I've been teaching him how to cook, and sew, and do other chores. He's been teaching me about the stars, and I like that.

Leo has been helping Frank too. They get along. They both hate and are afraid of my dad.

He is my dad... But they are right.

When Frank and my dad meet, I know they want to murder the other. I know I can't keep the peace anymore.

When Frank kills my dad, I am conflicted. He was my dad. But this way he can't harm anybody ever again.

And I still have a family. Leonard and Frank are my family.

Years pass. I am 24 now. Leo has left for a walk, it's me and Frank alone in the house. It's a lovely day. We play music on the gramophone. He asks me for a dance, and I say yes.

And we dance, and we talk, and it feels nice.

"I am old," he tells me at one point.

He spent 33 years in a well, that's more time than I have been alive. I spent 24 years in the outer world, that's more time than he has ever spent outside that well.

"You're old by age," I say. "I'm old by experience."

I rest my head on Frank's shoulder as we dance, and he hugs me. I close my eyes, and everything's right.

Years pass. I am 26 now, and I'm not sure I want to do this anymore, but I feel the presence around us and I know I have to. The time for rebirth has come.

I told Leo and Frank about the sacrifices. We have the timepieces, we have the body parts. Isn't that enough? Haven't we earned rest?

Time passes. I'm not sure how much. I stand in the lake, with a baby in my arms and Leo and Frank standing at each of my sides.

I close my eyes when the roots wrap around us. I dare to hope for a future in which we're together.

The rebirth worked. And we're all together.

Frank holds me by the waist, Leo peeks at the baby from over my shoulder.

"Does she have a name?" he asks.

"Laura," I say after a second. "And she's our daughter now."

Maybe this time, our family can heal.

[thebigqueer]

"Bottle the World" - Valgrace - One-Shot

Summary: a valgrace arcane au of sorts. Word Count: 2688 TW: a moment of violence but nothing too bad. Read on AO3 (there is a better desc of the fic there)

Leo swore he’d never let himself fall for Jason again. But when he’s standing there, his skin gleaming like moonlight under the flickering lights of the basement, his golden eyebrows scrunched in worry and exhaustion, his chin trembling with barely contained rage and fear, Leo feels like a fool. How could he have ever thought he could stand against Jason’s gravity?

But with love comes rage, and Leo is letting it flood his system, if only to try to ease the burn of desire in his chest. 

“Let me go,” he demands. “It’s me he wants, Jason. I can negotiate with him. I know how the Undercity works.” 

“But you don’t know my father,” Jason spits back. “You don’t know what kind of game he wants to play. You give him the anecdote to shimmer, and then what? Chances are he’s going to use it to get even more control of the Undercity, make even more profit off of it.” Jason leans closer, his blue eyes blazing like lightning. “He’s going to profit off you.” 

Leo’s not sure whether he should feel embarrassed or infuriated, knowing that Jason thinks he doesn’t already know that. “Do you think I’m fucking stupid? You spend five years on Topside and suddenly you think you’re smarter than me.” He jabs a finger at Jason’s chest. “Don’t forget who got you up there.”

At his words, Jason’s eyes sizzle with dangerous electricity. Before Leo can comprehend what’s happening, Jason’s fury forces him forward. His hands collide with Leo’s shoulders, his frustration sparking between his fingers, and shoves him back. Leo stumbles on his feet for a bare second, surprise overtaking him, before he’s sturdy again and hits Jason in the chest. Jason barely moves, but the flinch in his eyes sends a wave of satisfaction over Leo. At least he can still fight back.

“Oh, now you’re angry?” Leo laughs mirthlessly. “Did I finally push your buttons enough?”

“Why are you so fucking stubborn?” Jason’s fingers are digging so deep into Leo’s shoulders he’s convinced he’s about to reach bone. “Why are you so scared of me just wanting to make sure you’re safe?” 

“You think I need some knight in shining armor? How pathetic do you think I am?”

Jason opens his mouth to speak, but Leo slices his words away with his own. “You think that just because you decided to pop your pretty head back into the Undercity I’m going to drop everything for you? You think I can’t handle myself? You think these past five years I’ve let people fuck with me, I’ve just been wishing you would come in and save me? Is that how desperate you think I am? Do you think I’m some fucking coward?” 

Coward. The word hangs in the air, dangles over the mere inches of space between them. It shudders with the gusts of rage coming off both of them. 

In the heavy silence, Jason’s grip loosens on Leo’s shoulders and he straightens his spine. His gaze is vacant and full at the same time, a sort of black hole, seething with an emotion Leo has never seen before, much less one he can name. The anger behind his eyes looks renewed. Reincarnated.

“You’re not a coward?” Jason asks, his voice a low, thrumming venom that sinks into Leo’s nerves. “Tell me again who’s the one running now. Tell me again who’s the one rejecting the future we could have in favor of protecting his heart. Explain that.” 

“That’s different,” Leo says, but his voice is quiet now, quivering in a newfound fear. “That’s not what we’re talking about.”

“Isn’t it?” Jason asks. Exhaustion floods into his eyes, completely drowns out the rage, and his shoulders expand as he takes a deep breath. “There’s a difference between being cautious and being a coward, Leo. You’re straddling the line.” 

“I am very capable of knowing the difference. But here you are, thinking I can’t even manage to take care of myself in front of some big, pathetic old man who depends on innocent kids to do his bidding.” Leo steps back, tilts his head to look up at Jason. “That makes you the coward. And selfish, might I add.” He sucks in a breath, trying to calm the tide of frustration that has washed over him. In a quieter voice, he warns, “You don’t own me, Jason. I can make my own decisions.” 

A ghost of a smile haunts Jason’s lips, and Leo hates the relief he feels at seeing it, like the haze of anger over them has lifted slightly. “You’re right. I am being selfish,” he agrees. “But can you blame me? I mean, it’s like everything you do… everything you’ve done since I’ve come back, at least… it’s like you’re purposefully putting yourself in harm’s way just to get away from me.”

Leo swallows. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Well, I’m tired of skirting around this. Around you.”

“I don’t know how many more times I have to tell you.” Leo makes a point of staring him down, sinking his claws into Jason’s own gaze. “We’re never going to have what we had.” 

Leo hates the way his voice cracks at the end, hates the way it stings his tongue. It makes him sound vulnerable, weak, and he knows that if anyone outside of this moment were to hear him, they’d use that vulnerability like a blade, strike him through the heart. 

But Jason’s worse. Because he’s not going to strike him through the heart with it; that would be too direct, too messy.

Leo remembers once when they were children, shivering underneath a torrent of rain that had suddenly come crashing down. They were too far from home, stuck in an empty, dark alleyway coming back from their job with the pawn shop owner. Jason looked at him with those big blue eyes, brimming with anxiety, and asked, “What are we going to do?”

So Leo grinned at him and said, “Come with me. I have an idea.” 

“I hate when you have ideas.” But even then, Jason followed him as they ran through the alley, raced up the balconies, and up to a door. Panting, out of breath from their run, Leo whispered in Jason’s ears, “I’m going to teach you how to pick a lock.” 

It took practice, and that first time Leo was still the one to open it. But after that, each new lock they picked, each new door they opened, Jason improved, until they got to the point Jason could crack almost as fast as Leo could. 

That’s how Jason will use Leo’s vulnerability. He’ll take it, meld it into a key, click open the lock of Leo’s heart and steal everything inside. No blood, no violence. Nothing incriminating.

And the worst part is Leo is the one that taught him how to. 

“I’m not asking to get back what we once had,” Jason insists, drawing Leo back into the present. “I’m asking for a new future. A new us.” 

“And I’m telling you we can’t.” 

“Why? What are you so afraid of?”

Leo’s voice comes out brittle, crumbling as it parts from his lips. “You left me once, Jason. Who’s to say you won’t do it again?”

Jason stiffens, the shock electrocuting him from head to toe. Leo’s almost embarrassed to witness the utter shame pooling in his eyes, draining into his face. 

“Okay,” Jason finally says, his voice weak, defeated. “Okay. That’s fair.” He closes his eyes and drops his head. “I hurt you. Badly. I know.” 

Leo’s eyebrows rise. “Do you? Because you’ve known this since the moment you stepped foot into this house, and yet, even allegedly knowing how badly you hurt me, you’ve done nothing but try to convince me of why we should make something new.” 

“I do know. You’ve made it very clear.” 

“Then why do you keep insisting?”

Jason is quiet for a long time, simply letting the eternal silence squeeze around them. It holds them in its grip, sucks the air out of their lungs. Just when Leo feels himself start to suffocate, Jason speaks, and the silence slithers away.

“I know I hurt you,” Jason says. “I made a mistake leaving you and Thalia and Piper. I should have given more warning. There’s nothing I can say or do to erase that mistake, and I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven.” Jason’s eyes focus on Leo like a camera focusing its lens, making his picture clearer. Like he’s the only thing in Jason’s view.

“When I was up there,” he continues, and now his voice is thinner, coming out in threads, “on Topside, there wasn’t a moment I wasn’t thinking of you. When I got the rare chance to go onto my roof, and I saw the skies - did you know you can see the stars on Topside? They’re beautiful, Leo.” Jason’s lips quiver as he draws in a shaky breath. “When I was up there, I could see the world. And all I wanted to do was to bring you up there and bottle it up and put it in your hands.”

Leo’s heart shudders violently in his chest. His body feels like a volcano, rumbling with the heat of anger and hatred and desperation and desire, all of it bubbling up, licking against the edges of his throat. He hates the way his cheeks are flushing at Jason’s words, the way his tears are pushing against his eyes. He doesn’t want to give Jason any satisfaction. 

“You think all these pretty words are going to convince me of anything?” he growls. “You think poetry is going to save you here? I’m a scientist, Jason. I see the world for what it is. And I see you for what you are, too.” 

“And what’s that?”

Now it’s Leo’s turn to stare at Jason, his eyes screwing in like a gun aiming at its target. He’s quiet for a moment, giving Jason a chance to squirm under his gaze. It sends a ripple of gratification up Leo’s spine; he likes knowing he can still make him nervous.

“It’s funny,” Leo murmurs, tilting his head. “Since you came back, all I could think about was how much you’ve changed. You have the look of a man, the look of someone who’s seen ages of exhaustion and pain and maybe even love, and I guess for a while you had me convinced you were one.” Then he shakes his head. “But you think the world isn’t fair, that things just have simple answers, that it should bend to your will. You’re no man, Jason. You’re just a boy.”

Jason raises a brow. “And you’re so mature yourself?” 

“I never said that. I know how stubborn I am; I don’t need to be told.” 

“You don’t see a problem with that?” 

“Sure I do,” Leo says. “I would even go so far as to say it’s less about stubbornness and about pride.” 

Jason’s gaze oozes exasperation, and a part of Leo wants to laugh at it — but that’s the sixteen-year-old part of him, the part that would steal Jason’s T-shirts and hide them between the floorboards; the part that would laugh at Jason for still sleeping with a teddy bear and then proceed to sleep with the same one; the part that would trick Jason into standing in front of front of his newest stink bombs. The part that saw at Jason’s exasperation at its face level, and relished the hidden love behind it.

But they’re not sixteen now. And Jason’s exasperation isn’t funny or endearing anymore. It just makes Leo’s heart hurt. 

“You would let your pride get in the way of your desires?” asks Jason.

“What desires are you referring to, exactly?”

He means the question to sound jarring, maybe even lethal to Jason’s own pride, because he knows exactly what desires he’s referring to. But Jason’s never been the arrogant type, and Leo knows that he would never refer to himself as Leo’s desires if it weren’t true. Because Jason knows Leo, even after so many years. And Leo hates that he’s let him in this deep. 

Jason crosses his arms, and his bottom lip disappears as he worries on it. His eyes are flickering, coming in and out of focus, roiling with thoughts so loud Leo can swear he’s screaming even when he’s not making a sound. A desperation fills his eyes, deep and urgent, and all Leo wants to do is submit to whatever it is Jason wants to say, if it’ll make him stop looking completely lost and terrified. 

“I’m sorry,” Jason whispers, his voice so fragile that it shatters by the last syllable. The shards of his pain burrow deep into Leo’s heart, and a new dread floods his chest, cold and jarring, bringing all his nerves to attention. Jason’s voice sounds like it’s at the edge of a cliff, toes flirting with the finality of the drop, and Leo can do nothing but watch as he moves ever closer. 

You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Just come back to me. Just pretend you never left. “For what?”

“You’ve made your mind, and I’ve been pushing you for too long. I’m sorry.” 

I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. “Okay.” 

Jason takes a deep breath, his chest quaking with the effort, and Leo’s fingers ache to calm it, to hold Jason’s heart and let it pulse in his hand. Instead, he pushes his fingers into his palm and pretends he’s squeezing his own heart to a stop. 

“I don’t believe that you don’t love me,” Jason says. “I don’t believe that you’re willing to throw all of this away just for the sake of preserving your heart. I know there’s a part of you that wants this, wants us. I’ve seen it - glimpses, really, but it’s there. It was there when you kissed me last night. It was there when you let me hold you this morning.” Jason’s eyes freeze over, determination and finality solidifying the liquid hope of his irises. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll stop trying to reach that part of you.” 

A sharp sting erupts in Leo’s bottom lip, and he realizes that he’s been chewing on it harder with every syllable that came out of Jason’s mouth. But he can’t ignore the desperation in his eyes, the plea, as if he’s begging Leo to not say it.

Leo looks Jason in the eyes. Opens his mouth. Feels the words aching in his throat, heavy, painful.

But then he realizes the ache in his throat aren’t words, they’re tears. Leo’s nails carve deep into his palms if only to give himself a new pain to distract from the old. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth again, claws himself out of the pool of regret in his throat, and pushes the words out:

“I don’t love you.” 

But his gaze has slipped to the ground. 

A pressure builds against his shoulders. Jason’s hands. “In the fucking eyes, Leo.” His voice is boulders rolling down his tongue, rumbling heavily, crushing Leo’s heart. 

“I don’t love you,” he tries again, but each syllable is spiked with a sob, turning his words into jagged shards and particles, unmendable, unsensible. The tears have forced their way out, no longer prisoners. “I don’t. I can’t.” 

He says this to the darkness behind his eyelids. It’s just him and the eternal black. 

A deafening silence erupts around them, so quiet that Leo can hear Jason’s breathing, angry and red and bubbling. 

The pressure in his shoulders eases. He opens his eyes. The blue of Jason’s irises is blurry through his tears.

“Right.” Jason’s nod is a subtle jerk, controlled but only barely. A beat of silence passes, and then he turns, his hand resting on the door knob. “When you realize that there are things worth more than your pride, I’ll be waiting.” 

The door slams shut.

The force is enough to shatter Leo into shards.