#nothing like cracking open a mid 2000’s show

[frownyalfred]

I made it five episodes into a new show before opening up ao3 so I think I deserve an award for that

[goodthoughts001]

A Day at the World Poker Tour on Online Casino Malaysia

Mark was the Online Casino Malaysia player at the table in the early going, and he was on my left. I kept telling him that I wasn't even going to mess with him. I surrendered all of my hands to him, when we were heads-up in the blind. I convinced him that I was playing passively against him, but I secretly pushed some marginal hands into him after some of the flops we took together. He generally laid them down. On one hand I raised from mid position with A-7 suited, which is a hand, I hate to get calls with. Mark called, as did two other players. The flop came Q-x-x, and I bet out about 1000. Mark folded what he said was an A-10. I collected a decent sized pot when an Ace came on the turn. I could see the disgust on Marks' face, as I pulled the pot in.

Another interesting hand came up between Mark and Tony Cousineau. Mickey had opened under the gun with a small raise. Mark called, but Tony came over the top for about 1000 more. The flop came 10 high, and Mark led out with a 1000 bet. Tony pumped it another 1000, and Mark called. Tony was left with only 4000. The turn was another blank. Mark bet enough to put Tony all in. As Tony considered what to do, Mark asked, "Are they red or black?" Implying that he knew Toni had a big hand, but bet anyhow, further implying that he had a set. Tony threw his Kings into the muck. Mark declared to Tony and I that he had a set. I then said, "Well, I'm glad I didn't have those kings, because you would have busted me."

Tony also seemed unsure, saying, "If you had a set, you played it horribly, because I would have put all of my chips in, if you would have checked. But if you were bluffing, it had to be a brilliant play."

Mark stuck to his story, but I had my doubts. In the meantime, Mark started paying off Phil Ivey, as Phil began to strike with what was initially a small stack. Phil made a stand, checking and calling all the way with a K-J after a King flopped and Mark bet it down. The river was checked, and Mark mucked his hand, when Phil showed his King. Then I was able to see vintage Phil Ivey in action. Phil raised about every other hand three times the big blind. He generally checked, rather than force a hand after he missed the flop, but he was winning more than he was losing. He slowly built up a huge stack.

I finally caught pocket Aces in early position with the blinds at 50-100. Mickey had limped in, and I raised to 400. Two other callers and Mickey took the flop, which came 10-4-5, with the 4-5 in diamonds. Mickey checked, and I decided that with a flush draw I would need to make a big bet, rather than let the flush crack my Aces. I bet 2000 into a 1700 pot. Mickey came over the top for his whole stack. I was clearly disgusted by the fact that Mickey felt his hand strong enough to move his whole stack in. I didn't like what he represented, which was a set of 4's or 5's. But I also had to consider that he had seen me bet out against him at the WSOP with nothing, just to try to bully him. In the Pot Limit Hold-em event, in which he won and I took 5th, he was very low on chips, when he raised my blind. I had a J-10 suited and reraised him, expecting him to fold with an inferior late position raising hand, but he hung on. When an Ace flopped, I bet out hoping to represent an Ace. However he was the one with an A-7, and I instead doubled him up, setting up his eventual win. I knew he thought I was capable of betting with nothing, so I hoped that he was pushing a weaker hand, in the belief that I was bluffing. I thought he had a ten with a flush draw. I called, and he confirmed my suspicions, displaying a Q-10 suited in diamonds. He had me outchipped. I stood up, but sat back down, when my Aces held the pot. I had doubled through to 20,000.

Another big pot erupted, when Tony Cousineau checked his blind later after Phil Ivey had limped in. The flop came A-5-6 rainbow. Tony check raised Phil Ivey on the flop and the turn, leaving Tony with about 1900. The board paired the 5, placing a runner-runner flush on the board. Phil moved Tony all-in, and showed a Q-5 for trip 5's. Completely dismayed at Phil's play, Tony flung his A-K into the muck, and left the table.

[candyshua]

Intertwined | Chapter Two - It’s Never Too Late

Kim Mingyu was your best friend, your knight in shining armor, your crush, your everything. But sadly, you were not his.

After getting his girlfriend pregnant in his fourth year of college, the two of them moved away to America after graduation. And then, you were all alone.

Meet Yoon Jeonghan, your current best friend. An aspiring video game designer, he has been your rock for 5 years. He helped you through so much drama. You would be surprised to learn that he was madly in love with you.

What happens when Mingyu comes back to Korea?

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Potential Smut (I haven’t decided yet)

Word Count: 2,042

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, foul language, and mentions of sex

You had always been the life of the party. When you were a teenager, you’d show up at every party with a happy attitude. Mingyu was the sober one, most of the time, but he never had any desire to drink underage anyway.

But as you got older, and graduated college, your desire to drink and party just went down.

Maybe it was because you didn’t have Mingyu there to protect you anymore.

-

Being a full functioning adult was hard. It’s especially hard when you hate your job and you’re unhappy with everything that has happened so far in your life.

Or, you were just unhappy with the way things turned out.

-

Soon, Monday rolled around and you were forced to go back into the world of the living. You had stayed at Jeonghan’s place for the rest of the weekend, mainly because you hated your apartment. You also happened to enjoy Jeonghan’s company.

You remembered the time where you and Mingyu were at a party one night, in your second year of college. There, you had stayed over in his fraternity house since you didn’t want to walk home alone at night, and Mingyu was too drunk to drive you home.

Yes, this time Mingyu was the drunk one. It was an odd sensation, being the caregiver. The healer. The one in control.

So, you set him down in his bed and pulled out a spare blanket from his closet and lied on the floor. You turned the light out, but then you heard the click that signified the lamp was back on and light soon forced your eyes open.

“What?” You grumbled, rubbing your eyes.

“Y/N...I’m bored…” Mingyu slurred, and you just scoffed. During that moment, he looked absolutely adorable. You never understood how people were intimidated by this gentle giant. All he did was love and appreciate, he would never hurt anyone.

“Okay.” You stated, teasing him. You tried to hide your smile, but it was to no avail.

“Come lie down with me.” Mingyu ordered playfully, which caused you to widen your eyes drastically. What did he just say?

“Huh?” You whispered with a weak, timid voice.

“Please!” Mingyu whined, and you carefully got up and walked over to his bed. You lied down next to him, but kept your distance. You tried ignoring how hard and fast your heart was beating. You hoped Mingyu couldn’t hear it.

Mingyu then got comfortable in bed, closing his eyes and slowly falling into a deep sleep. After a few minutes of viewing his features, you felt overwhelmed with adoration for the boy.

“I’m in love with you,” You whispered, knowing he wouldn’t hear you. And even if he did, he wouldn’t remember it the next morning anyway.

You knew that Mingyu would never be yours. But you thought you were okay with that during that moment. One day you would get over him.

You really hoped that was the case.

-

Monday was a blur, but everyday seemed like that. A blur. A day filled with nothing but numbness and haziness. You also didn’t get the chance to even talk to Jeonghan, but that was okay. You two would be going on a trip to Jeju next weekend anyway.

When you arrived home, you made yourself a shitty microwave dinner while putting on some early 2000’s American pop music. It had to be quiet, of course, so your neighbors weren’t disturbed. You then started to reminisce on the time where you and Mingyu went away for a weekend during your last year of college. You were playing some American music at the time, and it was basically euphoria. That’s all you could really remember from the trip though, since you were obliterated for the rest of it.

You sighed, completely baffled on why everything you did reminded you of him. He hadn’t been in your life for over 5 years, and he won’t ever come back.

You wondered if he still had your number. Knowing Mingyu, he probably did. He just chose not to text or call you, or even send you a fucking letter saying “Hey, I’m alive”.

All you were left with were questions, and lots of them. It was like finishing a book mid-chapter, never knowing the full ending.

It’s just empty.

You knew Mingyu had to change his number, since he moved to a new country and everything. But he had your number memorized. Was it that hard to just call you? Maybe he couldn’t afford the international fee.

You needed a breath of fresh air. No, even better--you needed Jeonghan.

-

Jeonghan opened the door to his apartment with wide eyes. You usually always text him if you’re about to come over, but not this time.

“Dude, it’s Monday, what are you doing here?” Jeonghan asked, but you gave him no answer and just walked into his apartment. You then looked through his liquor cabinet, searching for anything that would make you feel something.

“Hey! Stop!” Jeonghan demanded, rushing over to you in your frantic state. You gave in immediately, knowing you didn’t stand a chance against Jeonghan’s strength. Instead, you just hugged him and cried. Why were you even freaking out?

Jeonghan hugged you back despite his state of confusion. He stroked your hair and hushed you, slowly making your tears dissipate. “What happened, Y/N?” Jeonghan murmured, a frown plastered onto his usually bright face.

“Jeonghan,” You sobbed, “what am I supposed to do? Why the hell do I feel so incomplete?”

In that moment, Jeonghan wanted nothing more but to kiss you. He wanted you to know that he loved you, and that it would all be okay because you had him.

Alas, Jeonghan knew it was inappropriate. Plus, he was certain the feelings weren’t reciprocated. You were still in love with Mingyu anyway.

You just didn’t want to admit it.

Despite all the boyfriends you had, they never ignited that spark of excitement within you. You never felt like you did around them like you did with Mingyu.

Jeonghan pulled away from your embrace so he could look you straight in the eye.

“Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Why do you act as if you’re an 80 year old man who has no time to change things? You have more life left to live than the amount of life you have already lived. Get the fuck out there! Nothing except yourself is stopping you!”

Fuck. Jeonghan was always spot on. What would you do without him?

Instead of freaking out, you merely gave Jeonghan a kiss on the cheek and a quiet “thank you” before running out the door.

Jeonghan couldn’t ignore the quick pace his heart was going at. The moment your lips met his cheek, he felt his entire body heat up.

He was bathing in warmth. Even after you left, the ghost of your lips haunted his right cheek. He mindlessly stroked it, his heartbeat refusing to slow down.

Why did it have to be you? The emotionally unavailable woman. The “in love with another guy” woman.

Why did he have to be in love with you?

-

From the moment you got home, you had been sitting at the seat by your keyboard, staring at it aggressively.

Ever since the ripe age of five, you had always wanted to be a singer. And boy, you could sing. You started getting voice lessons at the age of six, and you loved it. You knew from then on out that nothing could ever stop you from chasing your dream.

Unless, you happened to lose your voice.

After already being signed by a very popular entertainment company, you were about two years from debut. That was until, one day, it hurt to sing.

You went to the doctor. To put it simply, your vocal chords were being overused. They needed a break from singing.

They also needed surgery.

So, you reluctantly got the surgery that temporarily impaired your singing voice, and prolonged your debut. You became a nuisance; an inconvenience.

Therefore, you were cut. No debut for you. Just a lot of hurt and regret.

It hurt like a bitch. No, not the vocal cords (although they did hurt), but the fact that your life would amount to a girl who never had the chance to follow her dreams. You had wasted six years of your life training vigorously, only to have it never pay off.

But Jeonghan was right.  You were underestimating yourself. You shouldn’t let everything waste away like this. It was too late for debut, sure, but why not make a Youtube channel?

You then cracked your knuckles, did some warm ups on your keyboard, and then went onto your phone. Since you couldn’t afford a high quality camera, you would just film yourself singing with it.

You let your fingers fall down on the weighted keys of the piano, feeling the coolness kiss your fingertips. You felt a memory with Mingyu pop up in your head, but you suppressed it. It was time to move on, just like he did.

-

You woke up the next morning to about 5 views. You were sure three of them came from you.

You didn’t really know how to do this whole “Youtube” thing. It was foreign, and kind of scary. You hoped you hadn’t embarrassed yourself. And you prayed to God that your coworkers wouldn’t find your channel.

After getting ready for work, you texted Jeonghan back after letting him know that you were okay, and that you stayed sober the entire night.

You went to work with a new attitude. You greeted your boss, Wonwoo, with splendor. Your friends and coworkers were surprised to see you actually smile. “You look nice while smiling,” Your younger friend, Chan, told you.

“Thanks,” You had said.

The day passed by relatively quickly. Yet, there was a certain sense of clarity to it, you felt as if you had woken from a 5 year long sleep. It felt good.

Really fucking good.

-

You had gone one whole day without thinking about Mingyu. It was kind of crazy, once you thought about it.

Maybe you were finally letting him go. It was a bittersweet sensation, letting the man you had loved for so many years go.

But, Mingyu was never going to come back. You had to deal with that. He had a wife and a kid. He probably had another kid on the way, for god’s sake. And then, it hit you.

You needed a boyfriend.

Or at least to go on a date; get laid. You had been through a few boyfriends previously. One was named Seungcheol, whom you had met through Jeonghan. He was a tall, muscular fellow. You broke up with him, because you just weren’t ready to let Mingyu go.

Next, there was Seungkwan, who was younger than you. He was a great boyfriend, and you had also met him through Jeonghan, but, yet again, you weren’t ready to let Mingyu go.

Lastly, your longest relationship was with Joshua Hong, you two were together for about a year. A little over that, actually.

He was a great boyfriend, and you two are actually still friends. You’re still friends with all of your exes, because they were such great people.

You and Joshua broke up because it became mutual that the spark was gone. You had both loved one another, but it was over.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward being friends with your exes. You had expected it to be, but they have all moved on just like you. Seungkwan even has a girlfriend now.

You hadn’t cried over the breakups as much as you expected you would’ve, mainly because none of them made you feel the way that Mingyu did.

Mingyu made you feel like love was new, and fresh. You never got bored with him, even if the two of you were sitting around and doing absolutely nothing.

Your biggest fear was that nobody else would make you feel like Mingyu made you feel. It was a scary thought.

The only person that made you feel alive after all these hazy years was Jeonghan. But, he would never look at you that way.

Or so you thought.

[crayrate-blog]

Reverse Lookup CA

Web dating has turned into a very well known approach to meet individuals, and has in reality brought a ton of forlorn people together. In any case, only one out of every odd date turns out like an eHarmony promotion. So in recognition of Valentine's Day, we counseled perusers, companions, a couple of specialists, and various destinations (quite Craigslist Personals) to accumulate the most entertaining, weirdest, and most horrendous web based dating stories we could discover. Desolate individuals, broken hearts, false cases, dashed desires, doctored photographs, bailouts, and no-shows– it's everything part of the internet dating knowledge, and we uncovered a tad bit of everything.

"Beth" from Portland, Oregon, posted this note at a web based dating website:

Web based dating can deliver a portion of the most noticeably awful dates ever. The last person I went out with brought a sock puppet– a sock puppet– on our date and attempted to converse with me with it. To be charming, I think. Be that as it may, it cracked me out. Truly. Perhaps I'm out-dated, however no sock manikins, please.The old mid-date vanishing act has taken on an entirely different utility in the period of Internet dating. Display An originates from "Jill" in the San Francisco Bay Area, who posted the accompanying on Craigslist:

I get an advertisement from a person generally my age who has a hot bicycle, and a few pics demonstrating he's genuinely appealing. We email forward and backward a bit, he says he's certainly searching for a similar thing, lastly we consent to meet at a bistro. The main thing I perceived was the bicycle. He took after his pics the manner in which Stuart Little looks like Mickey Mouse. His teeth were dark, totally sickening, and he had a blister adjacent to one side eye. He must be 10 to 15 years more seasoned than me… . That, yet I got the unmistakable impression that he by and by knew where a couple of bodies were covered.

I couldn't resist. I expanded. At that point I couldn't take a gander at him by any means. I flipped the pages of the magazine I had gotten instance of absent and looked at him occasionally, considering how the [expletive removed] was I going to remove myself from this. So he says he will get an espresso. Also, heads inside. That was his first oversight. Leaving my espresso and magazine, and scarcely setting aside effort to grab up my satchel, I put my mobile phone to my ear like I had recently gotten a crisis call and truly pulled ass down the road to my vehicle before he returned out. Karma says I am going to pay for that. Fine.

Caroline Presno, dating master and creator of Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man, says online daters are now and then seen as powerless to meet individuals as it was done in the good 'ol days, as are some way or another "harmed merchandise." She relates this model:

An alluring, 30-year-old female instructor was truly anticipating her first gathering with a lawyer she had been messaging for some time. Be that as it may, on the date, before the server even brought the water, the person stated, "So how about we get down to it, what's up with you?"Jayne Hitchcock, Reverse Lookup CA  a cybercrime master from York, Maine, reveals to us she's currently connected with to a kindred she met on True.com while doing research for her book, Net Crimes and Misdemeanors. Be that as it may, she says, she needed to kiss a couple of frogs before at last discovering her ruler.

On some internet dating locales, Hitchcock says, if a part needs to express fascination for another part in the wake of perusing their profile, yet without heading off to the outrageous of sending them an email, they can send an electronic "wink." "I was immersed with winks and messages in my True inbox," Hitchcock says. "I am dead serious when I state 'immersed.' Over 2000 individuals saw my profile. Of those, at any rate half were winks." Usually, however, what the winks really mean is: "I saw your image and I believe you're hot, yet I'm too apathetic to even think about reading your profile and it costs me nothing to simply give you a wink in case you think my thinning up top head is hot, or that no doubt about it."

You'd figure the obscurity of online communication would make it simpler for folks to put on a show of being smooth and in charge. Be that as it may, the inverse is frequently the situation. That equivalent namelessness appears to give a few men a permit to be impolite degenerates. "One person came directly out in the headline of his message and let me realize he needed to meet me and do 'awful things' to me," Hitchcock reports. "Another guaranteed he was a genuine cowhand in New Mexico and needed to have intercourse with me without any protection on his pony. Oy."

From Russia With LoveLoneliness can be abused, as some desolate hearts in the United States have discovered. The Web website of the U.S. international safe haven in Moscow has some a word of wisdom for Americans who think they've met their online match in Russia, and keep running into inconvenience. From the Q&A page, here are two of the issues that can manifest in such intercontinental sentiments.

The individual I'm writing to says that s/he needs $1,000.00 to appear for "stash cash" or the carrier won't let him/her get onto the plane. Is this valid?

(The Embassy reacts that this minx from Minsk isn't required to "appear" one penny to travel.)

I think I have been misled. I have sent this individual $2,000.00 and now I discover his/her visa is a phony. How would I recover my cash?

("Intense ****," the Embassy answers, essentially.)

For some long-lasting Internet daters, the names, actualities, faces, and interests of responders to their profiles start to run together. What's more, the constrained innovativeness of many dating-site individuals doesn't improve the situation. "John" from Chicago posted this "Open Letter to Match.com Girls":

Stop. Simply stop. You're irritating me. Above all else, your screen name. Quit placing "cheeky" into your screen name. Quit placing "citygirl" into your screen name. While enlisting, in the event that you endeavored to utilize "cubfan" as your screen name and it returned revealing to you that you'd need to make due with "cubfan57836," that ought to have been your first piece of information that you have picked a disgustingly predictable name. You are not sufficiently astute to consider something great, along these lines you ought not hope to be combined with somebody who is. Talking about Cub fans, quit saying you adore sports and that you "demonstration simply like a guy."And the equivalent is valid for the men. From Jayne Hitchcock: "I began to trim the rundown somewhere near erasing those with eyebrow-raising or out and out tragic screen names, for example, minor departure from 'loverboy,' 'mr. sentimental,' 'desolate person,' 'forlorn one,' 'kiss me,' 'genuine romance MD,' 'huggy bear,' 'party man,' 'hot upndown,' etc.– I am not making these up– and titles, for example, 'Hello there Beautiful,' 'Goodness!' 'Greetings Baby Pretty,' 'Hi, cutie,' and 'Me wink; you answer.'"

The Onion's Online Dating Tips offer this recommendation: Set yourself separated by picking an enlightening client name like SocialRetard342, CuteFaceFatAss, or RohypnolLarry.

"Sarah" from New York likewise come down her online dates to a couple of particular sorts. Here's one from her Craigslist post:

No. 6: Mr. EZ-Pass (Key Phrase: "I'm only a bounce, skip, and a hop far from New York City.") He persuaded me that the separation would not be an issue, that he went to the city regularly, so I said OK with certain reservations. Getting together for date #1 was an Act of Congress; he continued endlessly about the train plans. At that point he counterbalanced on date #2. He persuaded that he lived somewhere close in Jersey like Hoboken; turns out he was in Jersey okay… the piece of Jersey that is close to the Pennsylvania border.People all things considered, sizes, and financial foundations are searching for adoration on the web. Here's a post-date story from "mysterious" at Internetdatingtales.com:

I am 40 to 50 pounds overweight, yet I spoke the truth about it. This man was 5-feet-9 and said something most likely around 300 pounds. Be that as it may, alright, my concept of a bit [overweight] and his concept of a bit may fluctuate. So I wave at him and over he comes. I felt awful that I had sat outside, in light of the fact that despite the fact that it was a gentle day and there was an umbrella, he was before long perspiring like a jackass. Furthermore, the appeal, mind, and silliness he had on the telephone was … gone.

He muttered and squirmed, however continued seeing me like I was a glass of water and he was on the last part of a long stroll through the desert. So I did it. I am so embarrassed about myself, however all things considered, what else would I be able to do? I was certain each other arranged meeting had briskly dumped him. What's more, I realized he was a decent person, just not the person for me. I purposely embarked to sicken him. I began to chuckle excessively uproarious at the unfunny things he said. And after that, and I can scarcely type this, I really put my deliver my armpit, hauled it out, and sniffed it.

Shouldn't something be said about me? Here's my own (really my just) fascinating internet dating background. I was in school. In another city, Chicago, desolate, and cold. Her name was Bonnie, and her image on Nerve.com looked charming, even dainty. After a couple of talkative email notes, we set up a gathering at an elitist lager joint in Lincoln Park. I arrived first, sat at the bar, and requested a lager. Those minutes prior to your date shows up are priceless– my brain begun hustling a bit, I could nearly hear a low drum roll. Furthermore, there she was– she strolled in, sat down, requested a brew. The tattoo on her neck wasn't noticeable in her online picture. She looked somewhat unpleasant around the edges, Bonnie did. Intense, really. She was about my tallness or somewhat taller, and she was built– and I don't mean implicit a girly way, I mean she appeared as though she could seat press about twice my weight.

She requested another brew. What's more, one more and again. Her cool, disconnected mentality before long turned riotous and forceful. She lapped me a few times brew astute, and didn't appear to see, while peppering me with inquiries concerning past connections.

After around a hour I'd seen and sufficiently heard. When I easily asked off, asserting an investigation assemble meeting, she just took a gander at me blankly– at that point, I thought, a little menacingly. "Gracious, so you will get up and leave now, huh," she said.

[evenstevensranked]

#1: Season 3, Episode 5 - “Band on the Roof”

ANNNND... “BAND ON THE ROOF” TAKES THE CAKE!

I cannot believe I’m publishing the #1 ranking. Next month will mark two whole years since I created this blog and now, after countless hours spent on 64 reviews, we’re finally here! Never thought I’d see the day. I never anticipated that I’d be this emotional about it either. I’ll save the mushiness and some final thoughts for the end of the post. 

When The Twitty-Stevens Connection gets back together, Tom shoots a documentary -- excuse me, “rockumentary” -- detailing the highs and lows of the band’s reunion! What we get is a rollercoaster of an episode featuring (almost) all of our favorite characters, the most legendary quote in the entire series, a mockumentary approach to filming that was ahead of its time, a heartwarming plot for our two main siblings, and one hell of a catchy song to boot. 

For the last time... 

Let’s get into it!

I know I throw the word "Iconic" around loosely sometimes but this is genuinely an iconic episode for the series. I feel like everyone remembers this episode. Even if you didn't watch the show too often, you still remember this episode. This one kinda makes me wish that Even Stevens was one of the first popular American comedy sitcoms to pioneer the mockumentary style gimmick for the entire series. (i.e. The Office, Modern Family, Parks & Rec) Because it works here. Really well. I’ve mentioned a few times before that The Office is my other all-time favorite comedy show, so I absolutely ADORE those strong vibes here. 

According to Wikipedia and their list of “Mockumentaries” (which includes this episode!) -- as far as the genre in television goes, it seemed to become a big thing in the UK first and then spread to places like Australia and Canada. The United States mockumentary television format boom started in the early-mid 2000s, specifically at or around 2003 with Arrested Development and then in 2005 with the humble beginnings of The Office. "Band on the Roof” premiered in 2002. Hmmm. Very interesting! Not sayin’ Even Stevens was ahead of its time once again but that’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s almost like this show trial-runs ideas before they take off. First with “Influenza” and then this. Even though this episode was definitely more of a spoof of VH1′s “Behind The Music,” it still totally falls into that mockumentary TV category. 

It opens with the introduction to the documentary, narrated by Tom in a super unnaturally deep voice with a little reverb slapped on there for dramatic effect: “First, there was The Alan Twitty Project... Then, there was The Louis Stevens Experience... The coming together of these two musical forces begat the supergroup The Twitty-Stevens Connection! ...But the band broke up temporarily when bassist Artie Ryan’s mom made him take pottery lessons.” 

Tragic.

Tom introduces himself as “Thomas Gribalski: Rockumentary Filmmaker.” Wow, he’s wasting no time loading up his IMDb page. You document one Junior High band and it’s all uphill from there. He goes on to explain that when The Twitty-Stevens Connection got back together, Louis Stevens asked him to capture those “little moments” for them to look back on once the band becomes “rich and famous.” But, of course, no road to stardom is without its bumps. 

I wanna know how Tom, a 14-year-old, got this swanky studio to record in...

It cuts to band rehearsal in the Stevens basement where they’re jamming to “Crazy” from the Battle of the Bands episode!! Everything’s fine until the band randomly stops playing in the middle of the song and Louis goes off on a never-ending drum solo that he refers to as “a groove.” It always bothered me how the music just… stops. Why did everyone but Louis decide to stop playing for seemingly no reason?! Whoever was in charge of audio here couldn’t be bothered to make it sound more organic lol. It’s really weird and abrupt. Sorry for the nitpicking there. 

I love how Tom got that shot of a messy hamper in the foreground. It really amps up the grittiness. 

It’s pretty great how Louis subtly changed roles from the band’s manager to the band’s drummer. For once, this was an arc in Season 3 that actually aired in the correct order. In Episode 2, Louis became interested in playing the drums and was gifted a drumset. In Episode 4 he started taking lessons, and here in Episode 5, he’s officially the drummer of the band. Shia is playing for real here as well! So that’s very cool. 

While Louis is drumming his lil heart out during his self-indulgent extended solo, it cuts to shots of everyone killing time and I love it. 

Tom, lol. 

Ren eventually rips the drumsticks out of Louis’ hands and the two start arguing. Tawny reminds them that they promised to get along if the band got back together. Just then, we hear that shrill, annoying and unmistakeable voice chime in: “Can I say something?” The camera searches around until it lands on Beans just chilling there like he owns the place. Oh my god. 

Louis: “Where is he? BEANS! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!?!” -- Why is that mockumentary style sooo funny though?! The shaky camera looking around and zooming in is what makes this.

I seriously wish every episode was filmed this way. But honestly, just getting this liiiittle glimpse into what a mockumentary version of Even Stevens might’ve been like is enough to make me feel #blessed. If a reboot ever happened, I’d definitely looove to see it reborn à la Modern Family for at least an arc or one special season. I know the gimmick is a little outplayed at this point but I mean, the Stevens are an eccentric enough family for a documentary crew to follow! Am I wrong?! All of the flagship American mock-doc shows have already ended or are ending soon. The door’s open for a new one. Just sayin’. 

It cuts to Louis ranting about Beans in the first interview portion or “talking head” of the documentary. This is the greatest thing. Holy crap. He says: “Beans is like that policeman in Terminator 2, you know who I’m talking about? I swear, he goes liquid! He can fit through cracks in windows... under doors... through little keyholes!!” And right on cue, Beans appears outta thin air -- “I’m hungry. Let’s get a sandwich!” Again, the camera work makes this 10x funnier and Shia’s face is just too good: 

Note: “Terminator 2″ is yet another completely solid reference to make! 

Something I’d like to point out before I forget: While reviewing the series, I couldn't help but notice that the show could be even funnier if there was no background music all the time. (I tested that theory with this edit and was proven correct, tbh.) If you pay attention.. you'll notice that there's some sort of background music during almost every scene. Sometimes it works if it's heightening a moment or adding some flavor comedically. But during scenes where there’s just dialogue, I feel like it would be much better with silence -- because 1. It's more raw/realistic, and 2. the performances/writing is already so strong, it doesn't need extra sound clogging the material. And that's one of the reasons why this episode is so great! It's dead silent the entire time except for the Twitty-Stevens songs of course and some transitional music for the documentary. I love it. 

So, yeah. Turns out Beans is a bassist?! He walks over to Artie and tells him “you’re horrible. Read my lips -- take a lesson!” Artie quits on the spot and leaves in a fit of rage (”I don't have to take this! I’M ARTIE RYAN!”). Beans backs up his insult by showing off his sick bass skillz to the gang, immediately earning himself a place in the band as Artie’s replacement. I love how Beans isn’t even touching the neck of the bass at all at one point. Seems legit. 

It cuts to an interview with Artie and it’s so good: “I was thinking about quitting the band anyway. I didn’t like the direction it was going... NOWHERE. Since then, I’ve started my own band. Artie Ryan and the Funky Kats. I had some promotional materials made up!! Tom, you want a free one?!” 

Tom (off-screen): “N.. no, thanks.” 

Also... A frisbee?! LOL. I had to write out that whole Artie quote because it’s the last we hear from him in this episode and Artie is the best.

Next, it cuts to an interview with Twitty who claims that there was a whole new energy after Beans joined the band. It’s hilarious because Beans is this tiny, annoying 8-year-old, yet Twitty’s talking about him as if he’s some amazingly respected bassist who helped take them to the next level. He goes on to say that the ~revitalized spirit~ Beans brought to the table motivated everyone to work on new material... Including Louis & Ren, who teamed up to write a song together!! Ahh! It shows us the two of them writing out the skeleton of “Another Perfect Day.” I always laughed at how they’re not just writing lyrics like most middle schoolers would do... Nah. They’ve whipped out the staff paper and suddenly know music theory like it’s nothing. They’re literally transcribing their ideas by ear. I’m a Berklee grad and I still struggle like hell with theory. 

Donnie happens to walk by and notices that his brother and sister are getting along for the first time, like, ever... and calls for Steve and Eileen to come quick and bear witness to it themselves!! 

This show throws in some great little lines here and there that are easy to miss sometimes. When Steve and Eileen come running, Steve shouts “Donnie! Hang in there! You still have 5 minutes left on that hot oil treatment!!” thinking Donnie desperately needed help with his hair. HAHA! I never paid attention to that until recently. We get interviews with Donnie as well as Steve and Eileen here. 

Donnie: “It was just... the sweetest thing. I wanted to hug them!! But I didn’t wanna ruin my hair. Wait!!! That sounded stupid. Don’t use that, ok?” 

Gotta love the trophies as a backdrop lol. 

Eileen: “It was amazing! It was as if the music brought them closer together.” 

Steve: “Those were the happiest days of our lives. It was bliss! Sheer bliss!” 

Hey! This is real stuff, though. Never underestimate the power of music!!

One of the funniest things about this episode is that Tom prefaced the documentary by saying the reunion happened a mere TWO WEEKS AGO! These interviews are so extra, as if they’re recalling something that happened years ago when it literally just happened and is fresh in their memories. It’s great. 

We get a voiceover from Tom elaborating on Steve and Eileen’s sentiments, telling us that Louis and Ren had “reached a new level in their relationship” over corny footage of them casually playing freaking cat’s cradle like a couple’a besties! hahaha. 

At their next rehearsal, the band starts working on “Another Perfect Day.” Once they have it down pretty well, Louis decides that they have a hit on their hands and need to do something big to get the word out. He comes up with the idea to hold a free concert on the school roof. Twitty interjects “Ya know, that’s not a bad idea because The Beatles did a free concert on the roof once!” Tawny adds: “So did U2!” and Louis finishes: “And now... The Twitty-Stevens Connection.” -- As if they’re anywhere near the level of either of those bands and should easily be mentioned in the same breath. That always cracked me up. (Speaking of The Beatles, the title of this episode is supposed to be a play on the Paul McCartney song “Band On The Run.” Or at least, that’s what I’ve always assumed.) Also, take a look at their single art. Amazing. 

Things start to go sour now. Everyone’s on board for the rooftop concert except for Ren. That’s a shocker! She’s totally against the idea. She agrees that free publicity is great as long as you’re not violating any rules. She even double checks with Wexler who confirms that students on the roof is “strictly forbidden.” 

At lunch the next day, Louis is super excited about the concert and giving Twitty and Tawny a rundown of his plans to set everything up. He says they should “get there early. Really early. Like... before school starts early” so they can get all the equipment and set it up on the roof. Another little exchange that’s easy to miss here is between Twitty and Tawny. Twitty says: “Sweet. What if we wore camouflage?” And Tawny sarcastically bites back: “That is a brilliant idea. What if we dressed up as giant metal vents to blend in with the roof decor!” HAHAHA. I’m just imagining that in my head right now and all I can picture is them looking like Eric Matthews dressed as a couch. Oh, yeah. They’ll blend in, no problem. 

When Ren starts approaching their lunch table, Louis invites her over yelling “Hey, sis!!” Awww. Since we all know that Ren is practically Vice Principal, he asks her for help and advice on how to get up to the roof and such. But then it does a hard cut to Tom:

This needed to be gif’d. 

Ren starts blabbing about how they’re forbidden to step foot on the roof and that she got a permit to perform in a public park instead, but Louis cuts her off before she can ramble any further: “Ren. You’re chickening out.” Ren protests and insists that she’s not a chicken and is just being smart about the situation, but Louis ain’t having it and explodes: “JIMINY H. CRICKETS THE THIRD JR., REN!!! We’re not robbing a bank or anything!! We’re singing on the roof!!!"-- I love this so much. He tells her to take a risk for once in her life. But, Ren being Ren, decides that she doesn’t want to get in trouble and essentially quits the band. As Ren storms away from them, Louis stands his ground and shouts at the top of his lungs: 

Possibly the single most-quoted quote of the entire series. Actually iconic. I have this quote on my Facebook, it's my © footer quote on this very website, people have used this quote in their high school yearbooks. Yeah. It’s a big deal. Plus, it’s a pretty great quote to live by if you think about it tbh. 

Ren leaving the band was only the beginning of their downfall. I love this photo the ‘documentary’ uses to illustrate the in-fighting lol. 

There’s super melodramatic music with an ~emotional~ guitar lick playing here. It always gets stuck in my head. I’m humming it right now. As hilarious as the music is, it actually does make me feel a little upset... 

And just like the ending of an America’s Next Top Model episode, Ren disappears from this photo of the band: 

At home that evening, an instrumental knock-off of “Kiss Me” starts playing in the background of the doc while Ren contemplates the meaning of life. Tom does a voiceover saying that Ren’s decision to leave the band would lead her down a path to “self-discovery.”

She ends up having a heart-to-heart with Eileen about why she’s so reluctant to take risks. We get a glimpse into Ren’s childhood with “home video” showing her being a total caution freak at her 8th birthday party. She ate a single potato chip so she waits an extra 20 minutes before going into the kiddie pool with her friends. I’d like to point out that Young Ren is played by Alexa Nikolas, who would later go on to be a regular on Nickelodeon's Zoey 101. 

Eileen assures Ren that she’ll find something worth taking a risk for someday and go for it!

CUT TO THE DAY OF THE CONCERT! Ren’s decision to leave the band causes everyone else to rethink the rooftop performance as well. Twitty decides to back out because he has one too many detentions already and can’t afford another. His initial poor attempt at an excuse plays out in the most hilarious way possible. (”TWITTY, I WROTE THAT NOTE FOR YOU LAST WEEK!”) Tawny just agrees with Ren. She decides it’s not a good idea and peaces out. And lastly, Beans calls at the eleventh hour and says he can’t make it because he has a hamster cage stuck on his head -- which amazingly, is not a lie. In the end, Louis is the last one standing. Or as Tom says, “A man without a band.” 

At lunch, the sound of someone drumming starts to fill the air, leaving everyone confused for a minute. It’s Louis, of course. He’s up there drumming away and singing his background vocals alone and fully intends to perform the whole song that way. His determination to continue with the concert as the lone remaining member of the band is so admirable and badass honestly. It really shows how bold he can be and how he’ll always try to see his ideas through. Not only does this highlight Louis’ fearlessness, it also leads to an amazing moment for Ren as a character. As everyone runs to get a view of Louis, Ren starts remembering what Eileen told her. She slowly realizes that this could be her chance to seize the moment. 

One by one -- Twitty, Tawny, and Beans join Louis up on the roof! They pick up their instruments and jump right in, each one building and building on the song. All leading up to Ren being the last one to finally run up there as the final piece of the puzzle! It’s a cheesy and predictable climax, but it’s still amazing. Seeing Ren take a chance like that always makes me emotional, not gonna lie. You can FEEL the happiness radiating off of everyone here. It makes me beam every time. 

This gives me legitimate goosebumps. God. Watch this and tell me it isn’t freaking epic and CLASSIC. The final interviews paired with that tasteful background music always tugs at my heartstrings, too. 

The gang ends up facing the consequences of their stunt and are punished by Wexler putting them on trash pickup duty. ^ That ending (seen in the video) is probably my favorite Louis/Ren bit ever. Seeing them both secretly admit to the camera that they had a great time together just warms my heart. I love how they say the same exact thing at one point too: “Don’t tell her/him I said that” lol. It’s so simple but so effective and really sums up their relationship. Two siblings who are always at odds, but at the end of the day, they’re family and have that unconditional sib love whether they want to admit it or not. I love the little slideshow of photos from the rooftop gig to wrap everything up. 

...and the very last frame of the episode is this picture of THE GREATEST DISNEY CHANNEL SIBLINGS OF ALL TIME and it’s so precious. This photo is so genuine. You can tell it captured more of Shia and Christy than Louis and Ren. It's just so nice:

I would have this framed and hanging in my house somewhere if I were them. Wow! Also... What could possibly be a better final shot for the episode that’s concluding my specific project?! Tell me. I’ll wait. 

And that’s it.

This is one of those ~special fun plot~ episodes, but it’s not super wacky or zany. Like most of the schemes Louis pulls, they somehow manage to make it seem like a couple of middle schoolers could successfully put on a school rooftop performance like this irl. There’s super solid humor, great dialogue, some incredible character moments and plenty of heart to top it all off! It ends on such a satisfying and happy high note. And even though I prefer Comedian Louis over Musician Louis, this episode is just too damn fun for me to care. It sort of benefits from the “Influenza” effect. If you add a song to an episode, odds are it’ll automatically make it that much more memorable. The only difference between this episode and “Influenza” is that it has a lot more going for it story-wise. 

This episode has everything for me. The way it's filmed is unique to every other episode in the series. The humor is extra dry and a little different for the show here, but still feels very distinctly Even Stevens and stays true to what we love about the show. This episode includes practically every major character, too! Let’s round up everyone who makes an appearance here: Louis, Ren, Twitty, Tawny, Tom, Beans, Steve, Eileen, Donnie, Coach Tugnut, Principal Wexler, and even Artie Ryan! My only complaint is that Larry and Ruby should’ve made appearances. Like, just a little scene of Larry taunting Ren about not having the guts to go up on the roof or something would’ve been cool.

Just adding some extra photos from the episode to break up this sea of text.

This is the only episode other than the finale that actually manages to make me shed a tear. But the tear this episode squeezes outta me has more meaning behind it imo. In the finale, I’m pretty much solely crying over the resolution to the Louis/Tawny saga and the fact that it’s the last episode of the series. Here, I’m crying over the pure relationship between brother and sister (the root of the show) as well as the gang’s friendship. No other episode gets me in my feelings like that across the board. It honestly feels like a finale in its own right and I can’t think of a better one to wrap up this countdown with. 

Is this the best episode of Even Stevens? You tell me. Is it one of the most memorable, iconic, hilarious, unique, and feel-good episodes of Even Stevens? Absolutely. Is there even a way to determine what episode is "objectively" or scientifically proven to be the best? lol who knows! If there's anything this whole project has taught me, it's that perhaps this show is just so good, there simply is no "best" episode. In which case, this whole blog has been a complete waste of time. 

SIDE NOTE: It was brought to my attention that this episode shares similarities to a Saved By The Bell episode titled “Rockumentary.” While the overall outline is pretty dead on (the rise, fall, and rise again of a garage band) the actual episodes themselves are extremely different. Annnnd Even Stevens did it better. No surprises there. So, WHO CARES?!

Aside from this being my personal favorite episode of the series and meeting my ranking requirements, I have a few little bonus stats to back up my decision to deem "Band on the Roof" worthy of the top spot:

It's the highest rated episode of the entire series on TV.com, boasting a 9.6, which I wasn’t aware of until a few days ago and was honestly surprised.

Back in 2003, while the show was still popular/on-air, some fans held a march madness style poll for the Best Episode of All Time and "Band on the Roof" was the winner.

This episode has popped up on various nostalgia articles as one of the greatest in the series. One of my favorites is by a published author and screenwriter in the biz who also ranked it #1 on her Top 7 favorite episodes of Even Stevens list. [article] 

In the comments of this episode on YouTube, (which I probably should’ve saved before Disney recently deleted the video... ugh) the general viewer consensus was that it's a widely beloved episode and one of the greatest/solidly written/most memorable. Easily Top 3 or Top 5 in the opinion of others.

I've gotten quite a few comments across the socials for the blog from readers asking about where this episode will be ranked and/or simply randomly stating that ‘Band on the Roof’ is the greatest and iconic.

Basically, there is massive love for this episode. No matter what, there’s a good chance you'll consistently see this one mentioned as one of the best or at least in someone's personal favorites -- Myself included. Obviously, me being a musician and loving the mockumentary style/drier humor here has contributed tremendously to my favoritism -- but the general fan love and praise, mixed with the actual solid content of the episode, makes me feel like ranking it #1 is justified. As objective as I tried to be throughout this process -- I created Even Stevens Ranked to get some personal thoughts and opinions out of my system. Well, that, and to do my best to highlight how fantastic this show is. Please remember, at the end of the day, this is my list. So. :)

Now that I’ve finished the project, I’m honestly quite satisfied with the outcome here. Not only am I so unbelievably proud that I actually saw this thing through to the very end -- I feel like my Top 10, in particular, (or the Top 25 on a larger scale) is the most solid crop of episodes I could’ve ever come up with. I think they all include nice and important moments for all of the characters, some of the strongest humor, and capture the spirit of the show the best. They’re objectively pretty darn good ones to subject a newbie to if ya ask me! 

This project was extremely difficult. It was time-consuming and stressful, but it was also such a blast and only solidified Even Stevens as my favorite show of all time in my heart even more than it already was. When I started, I always knew that “Band on the Roof” would be #1, “In Ren We Trust” would be dead last, and “Influenza” would be #15, but other than that I made countless changes to the list as I went on. The closer I got to the end, I was worried that I’d look back and hate my list, but I’m so relieved to feel very confident in my final decisions and reasons for those decisions. If there’s anything I’d change, it’d probably be to rank “Stevens Manor” sliiiightly higher. But still, I don’t even wanna say that because I have no real problem with placing it at #17. It’s not a bad slot. As I’ve said many times, anything in the Top 25 is pretty much top notch to me.

So... What else is there to say? Here we are. 65 episodes down. 0 to go. The entire series ranked and reviewed. Mission accomplished. From the moment I posted my very first review, I always hoped I’d make it to this point but for whatever reason, I never thought I actually would. I talked about this a little bit when I hit my one-year milestone. Milestones like that are what kept me going, though. Even the littlest ones. I’ll seriously never forget when I completed 5 reviews and hit #59! It felt like the greatest accomplishment ever. And so on and so forth...

For years, I felt like I was some weird, lone fan of this show. I thought that maybe 5, 10 people tops, would care enough to read this blog. I am shocked at the decent following Even Stevens Ranked has garnered over the last two years across Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and right here on Tumblr. My strange urge to rank and review every episode of this fantastic show has somehow turned into a ~community~ that is 1k+ strong if you combine all four social accounts. That is staggering. Meeting other fans of the show through this blog has been so, so awesome and I plan on keeping Even Stevens Ranked alive because of that. I can’t just leave it behind. I have some cool ideas moving forward, including a pending podcast. :D

I can’t thank you enough if you’ve actually bothered to read even just one of my reviews and found it the least bit interesting. We went on this weird little journey together. So thank you! Truly.

I’ve completed what I initially set out to do, but you can definitely expect a bonus video review for a change of The Even Stevens Movie sometime in the near future. I mean, how could I do a project like this and NOT discuss the big finale film?! 

Just a reminder that there’s a Twitty-Stevens Connection design up on Redbubble! Available in black text and white text. 

Thank you sooo much for reading. You know the drill! Please, journey into the Disqus comment section below if you’re so inclined. I’d love to hear any of YOUR thoughts now that this crazy project is complete. Ahh.

- Brittany

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[itsworn]

7-Second 1998 SVT Cobra World-Record Rocket

Yandro Ulloa’s Twin-Turbo ’98 Cobra is the quickest manually shifted street-legal American car on planet Earth

As Yandro Ulloa eases his Chrome Yellow 1998 SVT Cobra to the line there’s a wicked cackle of burnt gasses spitting from the fender-routed pipes. With the transmission in Second, he cracks the throttle, drops the clutch, and warms the tires with a quick, but purposeful burnout. Wasting little time, Ulloa moves up, drops his snake in the beams, floors the gas, and with a flash of the tree he’s off like a missile.

“The Minion” tears from the line with its turbochargers force-feeding the 281-cube V8 that’s producing 1,500 horsepower worth of rear-wheel thrust and generating more than 2g of acceleration. With the 4.6 screaming like a 747 on take-off, Ulloa kicks the clutch and rips the Tremec Magnum into Second gear.

Yandro Ulloa is all smiles. He has build one of the baddest hot rods and gets down with a Tremec six-speed to the tune of 7-second elapsed times at 186 mph.

The 60-foot clocks whip past in just 1.19 seconds, and somehow the Mickey Thompson 275 Radial Pro tires fight for grip and win. With Second gear used up, Ulloa taps the clutch and rams the H-pattern shifter across the pattern into Third. The clutch slips just enough to keep the Mickey’s glued, yet amazingly, that same clutch is able to harness the obscene rampage of horsepower and torque. Forth comes in a hurry takes Ulloa across the quarter-mile stripe in a ridiculous 7.67 seconds at 184 miles per hour!

That’s impressive from the small 281-cube V8, but what makes the performance so remarkable is that on this day Ulloa drove his Mustang 50 miles to Bradenton Motorsports Park, he ran 7s and drove it 50 miles home after a weekend of racing in four classes at the NMRA Spring Break Shootout. Amazingly, he won two of them.

The 1998 Cobra makes 1,500 rear-wheel horsepower but maintains suitable streetability thanks to careful planning and an AEM EFI unit.

A real king of the street, Ulloa’s Cobra earned a heavy rep in the ever-growing world of small-tire, street-legal racing. We’ve seen our share of 7-second street cars roaming about, but few do it with three pedals and an overdrive transmission. In fact, Ulloa’s Minion is currently regarded as quickest true H-pattern-equipped car in the free world. After watching this thing run, it’s safe to say Yandro Ulloa had our attention.

We set up a shoot, and just to prove the streetability, Ulloa drove the ‘Stang to our location, no trailer, no spare parts, no tools. We got busy and popped off some beauty shots, rolling shots, and with the photos in the bag, it was time for a ride.

The Minion has suitable drivability. It’s loud, hot, and not the kind of car you’ll leave at the mall. It is, however, fast, fun, and it commands attention and respect. It’s also one of the nastiest cars we’ve ever been strapped to. After a couple of bursts of acceleration, your humble scribe was the one howling like a 747. And according to Ulloa, we never got past 50-percent throttle. Sigh. After the ride, Ulloa, looked over with a grin of satisfaction on his face, you know, like he had a Royal Flush. He knew I was immensely impressed.

Levin Motorsports built the twin-turbo 4.6L using stock block and heads. The Minion is a real attention-getter thanks to the massive Hogan’s intake that incorporates an air-to-water intercooler.

While proud of his creation, the 33-year-old HVAC tech is remarkably humble. “I bought the Mustang in July of 2015 and have only been racing for a few years, but the love for drag racing accelerated my rate of learning,” Ulloa told us. “Going from buying a car with 305 flywheel horsepower to what it is today takes getting used to. We’ve managed to go from 305 hp at the crank to 500, 600, 800, 1,200, and now 1,500 rear-wheel horsepower.

“I really built it to have fun and we’ve continued to make more power and go quicker. I mainly race stick-shift classes, street classes, and small-tire classes, but I’ve competed in NMRA Terminator vs. GT500 and even roll racing,” he said. “We’ve won a few events, but I’ve spent a lot of time the last two years finishing in the Runner-up position.”

Ulloa’s scorecard shows wins from the Mod Nationals Stick-Shift class, TRC Street Kings, NMRA Terminator vs. GT500, the popular TREMEC Stock Shift Shootout, and most recently, True Street at NMCA in Bradenton, Florida and TX2K19 in Texas. His quickest pass to date is 7.67 at 184 mph.

The interior is all business with Kirkey seats and a full cage. As you can imagine, it will be getting upgraded to match the 7-second capabilities.

Winning is never easy, nor is running 7’s, for that matter. Making this Cobra go like a scalded cat and maintain durability is the brainchild of Josh Levin at Levin Motorsports in St. Petersburg, Florida.

The engine starts with a 4.6L Ford aluminum Teksid block that was bored 0.020-inch over. It was then filled with a Kellogg crank, Manley rods, and custom JE pistons. Levin selected a Triangle Speed oil pump to supply the lifeblood along with a tricked-out Moroso oil pan to seal things up.

Induction is handled by a duo of Precision Turbo 68s that feed the 105mm Accufab throttle body, then the crazy one-off Hogan’s intake with a built-in air-to-water intercooler. “I’m not going to lie,” Ulloa told us, “I love the attention the intake gets. At first I though it was a mistake getting something so huge, but it makes a statement and says, ‘I came to party!’”

Nothing to see here- just your basic 7-second street-legal Mustang.

Levin went with Ford “C” heads that were massaged by MPR and feature a quartet of Comp camshafts that operate each of the 32 valves. At wide-open throttle, the intake is jammed with 42 psi of boost pressure. The compressed air is mixed with a supply of E90 fuel delivered from the stock tank with a trio of Walbro 465 fuel pumps that feed Fore Innovations rails and eight ID 2000 injectors. For EFI, he relies on an AEM system to control injector pulse and ignition timing.

With so much power on tap, Ulloa could have stuffed an automatic behind the modular mill, but fun factor was increased with a Tremec six-speed Magnum. The gearbox was modified by RPM Transmissions for quicker shifting and it retains the H pattern and overdrive.

“With the clutch we’re running, it drives great on the street. I have to be really careful on the street, though, because things happen quickly. I prefer to be on the track, where time slows down, and I can focus on driving the car hard. I’ll take you through a typical run,” he told us.

Here’s another look at the custom Hogan’s intake. From this angle you can see the short, but effective runners.

“I normally do a short Second-gear burnout with only little smoke, then I roll out and get back in First gear. As I pre-stage, I wait for my competitor to lock in his Stage bulb, then I hold my Line-Lock button to prevent the car from rolling. I bump the car in and smash the throttle to 100-percent. When the tree drops I let go of the clutch pedal and wait for that sweet sound of 9,000 rpm. It comes fast, and I kick the clutch and catch Second gear. The steering wheel usually feels light since it sometimes stands up in Second, but the traction control helps with the power management. At 9,000 rpm, I grab Third gear, then I do it again for Forth Gear. The car usually feels amazing, and I hit the parachute lever about 150 feet before the finish line to make sure we’re slowing down. Depending on the track we run mid-7s to low 8s,” he added. “It’s a blast every time.”

Ulloa has spent years fine-tuning in the clutch and the UPR suspension, and he’s always on the hunt for quicker elapsed times and higher trap speeds. “What’s in the bellhousing is a top-secret unit that allows for street driving, yet it has mad grip to get the power from the flywheel to the transmission with controlled slipping and locking,” he told us. “I still use the Ford 8.8-inch rear instead of a 9-inch. “The rear is pretty tough, especially with Strange internals, and it has a stock-type suspension with UPR parts. We have it hooking so well that it’s hard to control the wheelies at times. I use Viking shocks and struts, Aerospace brakes, and everything seems to work well together.”

Ulloa uses a stock Tremec shifter with a Liberty handle to ram the gears.

Ulloa is quick to point out that his team of supporters are the ones who deserve the credit. “UPR has believed in me for a long time and Trueline Collision sprayed the fresh Chrome Yellow. I use Optic Armor for windows, they are safe and save a lot of weight. I get asked what it weighs often, and it’s 3,100 in Outlaw trim and 3,300 on the street with me in the car.” Yandro also praised Josh Levin at Levin Motorsports, Hard Target Images, Juggernaut Power, Certified Transmission, and of course his family and close friends.

Wheels are from Weld, and stopping power comes from Aerospace Components.

Traction comes from a combination of Mickey Thompson tires, UPR suspension and Viking dampers.

Ulloa monitors the vitals with an AEM digital dash.

The post 7-Second 1998 SVT Cobra World-Record Rocket appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

from Hot Rod Network https://www.hotrod.com/articles/7-second-1998-svt-cobra-world-record-rocket/ via IFTTT

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Genius or manchild? Reconsidering Steve Jobs after his daughter's book

The statement from Steve Jobs' widow arrived via email, unrequested, in the middle of Labor Day. "Lisa is part of our family, so it was with sadness that we read her book," it began, the "we" referring to Laurene Powell Jobs and her sister-in-law, the novelist Mona Simpson. "The portrayal of Steve is not the husband and father we knew," it continued. "Steve loved Lisa, and he regretted that he was not the father he should have been during her early childhood." 

It's what any PR expert would call "getting ahead of the story" — the story being Small Fry, an autobiography by the Apple founder's first child Lisa Brennan-Jobs, daughter of Christine Brennan, which was released the next day. Never mind that Lisa was technically part of Steve's family circle before either Laurene or Mona (younger birth sister to Steve, who was put up for adoption). If you get your riposte in first, the advice goes, you control the narrative. 

SEE ALSO: Lisa Brennan-Jobs shares tangled memories of her imperfect father, Steve Jobs

But as any journalist would tell you, it's the kind of statement that gets our spidey senses twitching, more for what it wasn't saying than what it was. It didn't refute any specific allegation in Brennan-Jobs' book. It didn't have anything to say about Powell Jobs telling Lisa "We're just cold people," or her regret that she married Jobs too young, or any one of a dozen scenes in which she does little to prevent her husband's controlling, heartbreaking, manchild-like behavior toward her stepdaughter. 

As I discovered when I sped-read the thing so you don't have to, the statement had nothing on the book. Small Fry recounts simple scenes in Lisa's life in an unhurried fashion, with a novelist's eye for detail. (She openly admires her author aunt Mona, even after Mona writes a fictional version of Lisa's life without asking.) In contrast with most tell-all autobiographies, this one actually suspends authorial judgment. 

What a relief that is, especially in 2018. Lisa Brennan-Jobs is the anti-Omarosa. Her book is an even-handed, surprisingly poetic, quietly devastating record of the witness that she bore, and is now sharing with us. 

This testimony will make most readers think differently about Jobs. And in the age of Trump and #MeToo, Small Fry is another good example of why we should stop forgiving or enabling powerful men who act like assholes toward women and refuse to grow up.  

"You get nothing!"

From an extract in Vanity Fair and an interview in the New York Times, we already knew a few of Small Fry's more shocking moments. Jobs bullied and gaslighted his daughter throughout her childhood — at first denying his paternity and child support payments, then repeatedly denying that he named the Apple Lisa computer after her. The lie tortured Brennan-Jobs until Bono, of all people, made him 'fess up. 

But the shock of the big stuff is nothing compared to the accumulation of small details, through which you feel you're living Lisa's childhood and teenage years. She went to live with her father and Powell-Jobs during middle and high school, on condition that she stop seeing her mother. Her self-doubt and loneliness are painfully, almost claustrophobically real. She develops a tic where she can't control her hands, and breaks many glasses. She feels unable to breathe when her father pays her attention or affection. (More often he didn't, even point-blank refusing to swing by her room and say goodnight to her.) 

Stuck in a cold bedroom because Jobs wouldn't fix the heat, made to wash all the dishes because he wouldn't fix the dishwasher (in high school, Lisa finally called a repair guy herself), babysitting her young half-brother whenever Laurene and Steve wanted her to, she comes across as a real-life Harry Potter — or, as she thought of herself at the time, Cinderella.

Brennan-Jobs' self-awareness in shaping her story is part of what makes her seem a reliable witness. "I was both the one hurt and the narrator of the hurt," she writes after telling a neighborhood boy her Cinderella story. "I would learn which complaints worked and which ones didn't trigger much sympathy in others." 

Fundamentally, however, she is guileless and straightforward. She's lonely, she tells her father again and again. Even with a therapist sitting right there with them, it elicits no response.

Brennan-Jobs' mother almost comes off worse than Jobs. A wannabe artist who drifted from hippie boyfriend to hippie boyfriend, Christine openly admitted — usually with screaming and swearing — that she wasn't up to the task of motherhood. One time this happened when she was behind the wheel of a car. Brennan-Jobs stayed as quiet as possible, praying to a crack in the windscreen to keep them safe as her mother swerved across the road. 

Lisa was lost, confused, and yearned for a connection with her remote, famous dad. But he blew up at her more often than he charmed her with trampolines and roller skate outings. "You get nothing!" he screamed at her when she asked for one of his many discarded Porsches. He became mad at wealthy neighbors who paid her way through college when he refused to do so. He made Lisa's friends cry with his insults, and he verbally assaulted waitresses while Mona and Laurene sat by, silently. 

Then there's the sex stuff, which ... if it doesn't cross a line, it sidles right up to it. According to Lisa, he liked to point out to his child daughter that the Stanford tower "looks like a penis," and repeatedly told a story about a friend masturbating while watching Ingrid Bergman sunbathe. He draws his daughter a bath and later tells her she should masturbate. 

And in the book's ickiest scene, he made Lisa watch as he began practically simulating sex with her stepmother, Powell Jobs. (He did much the same thing with his previous girlfriend, a woman named Tina, whom he later regrets leaving for Powell Jobs; Tina tells Brennan-Jobs that such ostentatious making out "was what he did when he felt uncomfortable.")  

If I was Powell Jobs, I wouldn't want to remember my spouse that way, either. But we all have different memories of the dearly departed, especially when it comes to someone as mercurial as Jobs. 

The child inside

I interviewed Jobs around a dozen times in the 2000s, when Apple was still just another tech company, before the iPhone secured his legacy. His tactics during an interview largely consisted of telling the reporter why their questions were "stupid." If you could withstand 20 minutes of this behavior, or if you started to use reverse psychology to get good quotes out of him, he'd suddenly smile: You were okay, you got it, you were in the club.

The other compelling memory I have of Jobs is him leaving a restaurant in Palo Alto. In jean shorts and a black T-shirt, with a plastic takeout bag in one hand, he idly made airplane shapes with his arms as he walked down the street. Exactly like a child.

The hectoring, reality-controlling Jobs that Brennan-Jobs writes about feels like one of the most true depictions we have. People longed to be drawn into his orbit for the good moments, the flashes of brilliance or mere attention, for which they slogged through the bad.

But maybe that isn't good enough any more. Maybe "Time's Up" not just in Hollywood, but also in the tech world. Maybe we need to stop spreading the lie that genius can only come from jerks.

In his 2012 authorized biography of Jobs, Walter Isaacson spends a lot of time considering this question: Would the Apple founder still have been a great man with a legacy of killer products if he hadn't been so cruel to his employees? If he hadn't become a millionaire in his mid-twenties? Did parking his Porsches in the disabled spots for his entire career make the iPhone happen any faster? What if he hadn't quit Apple in a snit in 1985? If he hadn't spent a decade down the rabbit hole of his failed next company, NeXT, might the modern world have arrived a little earlier?  

What if he'd used his powers to motivate and inspire people with sternness, but also with love?

Brennan-Jobs tells how her father used to carry a picture of her around in his wallet, denying she was his kid even as he showed her off to others as the kid of a friend he was helping out. "He loves you," her mother said. "He just doesn't know that he loves you." It took the emotionally stunted Jobs a long time to learn what love meant. We can speculate on the reasons why, and to what extent his adoption had anything to do with it; we can also speculate whether that's just making excuses for behavior that was clearly abnormal. 

At the very end of his life he apparently knew it: He cried and apologized on his deathbed, Brennan-Jobs tells us. He repeated the words "I owe you one" over and over. It's practically the textbook definition of "too late." 

She has forgiven him, and the book ultimately leaves any questions of worldly remedies to the reader. But the final pages do contain the closest thing we get in this non-judgmental book to a judgment on her turbulent father (emphasis mine): 

This is on all of us as a society, but men especially. We should stop giving our fellow men license to be jerks — for the sake of everyone around them, for the victims like Lisa, but also for their own sake. The more that men in positions of authority act poorly, the more they're missing out. 

See Steve Jobs through his daughter's eyes and you're left with a profound sense of pity. He was a genius who didn't get what the whole family thing is supposed to be about, and he acted horribly. Nobody dared call him out for being a brat. In the future, when public figures and business leaders behave this way, we need to be less afraid of shining a spotlight on this behavior as it's happening. 

Or as Jobs itself might put it, we need to learn to think different. 

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