#nothing interests me anymore
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nflix posted a 5 min video about love next door and i made the mistake of watching it and now it feels like i saw the entire drama summed up and i no longer wanna tune in
#it's not even bad and it's supposed to attract viewers#but i guess it's time to admit i'm dead inside#nothing interests me anymore
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You know, lately, I've been so irritated and annoyed/angry over the smallest of things or with the people around me in my day to day life and it's so frustrating. Like, I don't wanna be mad and take it out on anyone, but goddammit everything is just so irritating.
It really does feel like my f/o and my platonic f/o (bff) are the only ones in my real life who aren't pissing me off or angering me. I really wish they were here with me rn. The next two days are gonna drive me fucking insane. Why can't I just move to a nice cabin in the mountains for a few months and just go off the grid for a while....
#personal#rant#vent#other#AGHHHH#I'm just so tired of everything all the time#Nothing interests me anymore
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genuinely starting to think i've never been happy and never will be
#i cant remember the last time i had any real fun#nothing interests me anymore#i just rot in bed all day#if i was at work i would daydream and feel bad about myself#no one really ever liked me all that much#i've never made a lot of impact on people#no one ever really cares what i think or say#i wish i could've done more in life#i wish i had the 'something' that everyone else has that keeps them going#but I don't have it#i have the potential but no drive no motivation#i'm not smart enough for a good job#i'm pretty much doomed i think
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How do you talk about how you’re feeling without getting embarrassed and shut down …
#ugh#I haven’t been eating#I’ve been sleeping too much#nothing interests me anymore#i can hardly conversate without getting emotionally exhausted#I’ve been given the rare chance of having a life#but I don’t know what to do with it#d3l3t3 l8r
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random queen rejoice art cause i'm obsessed with my own ocs and story + working on big things (and taking forever)
#oc#sorry guys for minimal fanart content nothing interests me as much anymore..#i need alecto to come out to bring me back#obsessed with my own ocs though#art#artists on tumblr#digital art#queen rejoice
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u know what its so lonely making ocs . and not being part of a fandom too bc nothing interests you but your own ocs . like who do u talk to about them- like someone who is just as invested as you are . WHO DO U TALK TO THERE IS NOBODY im tired of people complaining that their fandom has 5 people... AT LEAST U HAVE THOSE 5 PEOPLE!!! ur gonna have to get lucky somehow and create a fandom urself for your ocs!! cause if u dont then You Are The Fandom!! you are the one carrying it!!!!! yea sure theres no drama or discourse But its lonely as fuck bro!!
#yea sure you can talk to friends about it#but its not the same#its not like they're invested in it like you are#they wont understand!!!!#AUUUUGH#Im not in any fandom anymore#there is genuinely nothing that interests me outside of my ocs#i am my own fandom...#besides some tumblr asks that i get about my ocs that is literally all i have#i live off of those asks bro#they are the only thing that keep me going#thank you random anon for asking me a random question about my oc#that is the closest i'll get to socializing about my ocs
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i fear i will never stop being abnormal about dsmp
#on account of never consuming new medias mostly#also just#nothing will ever compare for me i think#like#ya that characters cool but they are NOT ctubbo#i need something else to be abnormal about man .our numbers r dwindling#i wish i could be insane and abnormal abt qsmpbut truly. i mostly lost interest after juanaflippa died#im like a passive enjoyer and i like seeing my friends talk abt it#but im not Invested and i dont really have the time or energy to get invested in streams again#ough.literally a guy who hates most shows/movies but cant watch streams anymore.#catboo.txt#i need someone 2 drag me kicking and screaming into a new media until i start getting invested
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All I wanted was you, all I’m left with is me
#I’ve been sick for days and I’m bored out of my mind#nothing sounds fun or interesting anymore#I wish I could hibernate until it’s over#me#pale#girls with tattoos#girls with piercings#soft#mine
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Too much capitalism in Christmas and not enough in Halloween, companies need to start slapping little bats and pumpkins back onto their packaging asap
#halloween#there's already christmas stuff in the stores and i feel empty inside#no houses have halloween decor up this year it's wild how much interest in it is in decline#the tv isn't playing anything for halloween either like hello hello i saw a hallmark christmas movie playing last halloween illegal#no effort in trying to sell me their things at halloween anymore#like there's nothing going on for it pringles already has elves on their chip cans get them outta here!#let me buy spooky little trinkets i don't need! please please please come back bestie halloween#maybe it's just a here thing
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#if the rumors are true about hs4#which im still just. vibing about i dont have an opinion here or there#BUT if they are#i really do hope he delves more into the rock scene#imo hs1 is his best record when it comes to seeing his long-term potential#and fine line features elements of rock that was prevalent in hs1#i just think harry's stage persona and interests work so well under the rock umbrella#his voice and writing style would perform so well in the genre after having three other albums under his belt#like hes won the grammys hes won the brits#hes done residencies#hes done practically everything he can in the pop sphere#lets see him return to his roots since he has nothing to 'prove' anymore as a solo artist#he can just experiment and howl and write freaky lil lyrics and have killer guitar solos#give me all the glamrock elements#please
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The way the entire "Previously on The Mallorca Files..." segment is literally just... Max and Miranda's entire personal relationship progression, from reluctant work partners/compañeros to Max having to correct people that Miranda is not his girlfriend to almost kissing while dancing the paso doble to Carmen rejecting Max's proposal like plot? What plot? You mean this show is supposed to be about solving crimes?? I am LIVING!!!
#AND THEN!!!!!#max has a fantasy sequence in which he almost kisses miranda???#the WHO???? in the WHAT NOW?????#and his dad sees them interact for two seconds and already has something to say to max about it that is 'nothing he didn't already know'???#could it be?????#could the tv gods have decided to give me everything I want bc I have nothing else in my life that sparks joy quite like this???#we shall soon find out I guess#but the fact that they've disappeared carmen and only to bring her back later in the season with a job offer in madrid (per the trailer)#does seem to hint at... some interesting developments#I seem to have lost the ability to get excited about tv couples anymore but this is... satisfyingly close#ALSO miranda is speaking more spanish this season than she ever has before (which is not a lot but still)#and it is... doing things to me#gracias por tanto perdón por tan poco#thoughts no one cares about
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Petunia literally abused Harry bro 💀 and pointing that out doesn’t mean we’re downplaying her grief or bc she’s a woman
yall are gonna freak out when you realise that abusers are also human
#’she literally ABUSED—’ yes ? and i still find her captivating and interesting#abusers are almost never just evil monsters#they’re human beings who chose to do that to you#they actively chose to treat you that way Knowing Better#and just putting the label ’abuser’ on a fictional character is so boring omg what about character studies#some people can be unredeemable ! and i can still sympathize#ive said it before. im never going to forgive my abuser and would probably punch you if you asked me to#<- but some people love my abuser and my abuser have real and good relationships in her life#shes not Evil and Monstrous all the time#but she was that way with me#people aren’t one dimensional ! life isn’t that black and white !#and its frankly quite childish and downright strange if you dont have the capacity to understand that#i literally talked about how my narcissa had good intentions but unredeemable in an ask like. the other day#nuance is interesting i fear :/#some people dont break the cycle of abuse and some people dont grow up to be good people#doesnt mean thats all there is to them i fear#anyway!#asks#also who said anything about her being a woman. that was all you king#also. sy’s post had nothing to do with petunias relationship with harry ? yall are just pointing that out because you hate women#<- now i said it!#like sy was making an interesting point about petunias grief about losing a sister she barely knew anymore but grew up with#and yall have to come in and be like WAAAAHHH SHES AN ABUSER THO DID U KNOW DID YOUUUUU#grow up
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When i reach 1000 posts in my drafts I will drink a beer like a boring normal person and attempting to play videogames without probably telling anyone that it happened because there is nothing to be celebrated about that I can't keep up with my friends OCs and fanfictions so I save them to be when I actually have time and energy to read them with full brain capacity. (yes i triggered myself into sadness. don't worry about it.)
#> bpdick fucks me in the brain#i'm so tired all the time#and writing in english so people can understand me is tiresome#and constantly speaking the monstrosity language of korehunglish in workplace is tiresome#and then reading in english all the time...#my brain is tired...#and i play games in english to practice english#and even games are tiring...#nothing is relaxing anymore#i can't finish reading Paradoxical which is a 42 chapters fic already finished and I comment. every. single. chapter.#yes. i'm that monster of a commenter.#but i just don't have the brain capacity to read...#and i can't start reading multichaptered fanfictions until i don't finish with the previous#i would be such a good fandom-soldier i just don't have the energy#because I can't just half-ass things with a <3 and go on the next chapter i just can't#i can't binge read and leave a <3#fucking bpd makes me go ALL OR NOTHING with everything#and that another friend probably think I'm not interested in their fics I promised I will read but it's not about that#I just I HAVE A GIANT BACKLOG#WITH EVERYTHING#fanfic reading is not a passive hobby i do when I sit on a toilet it's an ACTIVITY for me#I sit down and I actively SPEND TIME ON IT#fuck...#this needed to come out...?
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i forgot how weird people get sometimes when you add minnie to clemvi situations :/
#she is NOT a threat to their relationship. she is barely a blip on the radar#shes literally just here to cause problems#vi makes it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that clem is her top priority she is so disgustingly painfully in love with clem its embarrassing#like girl i never doubted you for a second dw 😭#but its like people want to see vi hate minnie.. like they cant grasp that shes moved on without her saying she hates her or smth#all the conflicting feelings are just so narratively juicy :) some people cant appreciate this it seems#and then theyll use it as an excuse to say clemvi sucks like okay everybody pack it up#people projecting their insecurities perhaps? (i know the answer)#and like even a captured vi who was manipulated into trusting minnie ends up getting her eyes burned out for it#like they both went down there but only vi got hurt?? and separated from minnie? hm interesting#clem fighting her own trauma of trusting the wrong people with vi continuously reassuring her nothings changed she loves her#clem would appreciate that. i definitely think shes fighting jealously demons but is just good at pretending she doesnt care#she makes too many Faces about it for me to think shes casual about the whole thing#but i think after their conversation in the dorms in ep3 clem isnt worried anymore. and vi proves she can trust her again and again#THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH theyre disgusting its disgusting :)#minnie isnt a threat to their relationship shes just a threat to their lives :)#twdg#it speaks
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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