#nothing insightful or very interesting

[treesinspace]

Ok so I finally get to watch the new season of Doctor Who! It's been a hot minute!

Space Babies: Honestly I wasn't a big fan? I didn't quite get why the babies stopped aging, and also I don't understand what they were gonna do with the snot monster. It never was clarified if it was secretly harmless all along, wouldn't it have killed those babies? And what are they gonna do with it on that new planet, put it in a zoo?

The Devil's Chord: Great aesthetic, loved the music. Maestro's exact powers and goals were kinda confusing but that's consistent with Celestials. It was fun!

Boom: Quite tense! Loved that the doctor can explode more than humans! Classic rogue AI with a very good capitalism twist. Like, damn, that did feel uncomfortably real.

73 Yards: about halfway through right now and HOLY SHIT. Favourite Episode so far, is making me feel Real Shit. Holy fuck thats creepy. Was flapping my hands in happiness when Kate showed up! AAAHHH!

Gonna get back to watching, just had to vent my feelings somewhere real quick. So you get to read it my loyal followers. Feel free to hmu for episode discussions!

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 4 :)

[longagoitwastuesday]

Utahime's students >>>>>>>>>>>>>

[applestorms]

morality in the world of good omens

so i wrote another (admittedly very messy) essay on good omens not long ago right after watching season 2 but after finishing that, rewatching all of both seasons multiple times, and reading through the book, i have a couple more distinct ideas to get out...somewhere...if only for my own sanity. this is me throwing my thoughts into the internet before i pop, if you will. just 3 sections, below the cut.

1. environment, characters, & transformative fandom creations

to start this post off a bit more broadly, i've been thinking a lot recently about transformative fandom and the reasons why we write fanfiction/create semi-original works in the first place, as well as why certain aspects of fandom (writing, art, analysis, etc.) will be more appealing to me for certain shows/series than others. correct me if you have a totally different view of this, but in my experience i've found that i tend to naturally gravitate towards different parts of fandom depending on what the original medium of the story was- podcasts tend to lead to some of the most interesting art trends, for example, since there's more room for interpretation and character design tends to be more of an ongoing community project than something set in stone like for a tv show with live human actors.

in my own observation, i've noticed that a lot of the really big & excitable fandoms, the ones that generate tons & tons of fanworks more naturally (a.k.a. just because of the story itself & not other factors like a pre-existing franchise or hype about new great gay representation, etc.) tend to surround stories that fall into a kind of "sweet spot" that makes the creation of fanworks really appealing. if you've ever wondered why there are so many ravenous artists bending over backwards to draw gorgeous fanart for stuff like homestuck or south park or even minecraft youtubers, it's likely because those stories all fall into a sweet spot for drawing, with character designs that are recognizable at a glance and yet still simple enough that there is plenty of room for personal creative touches. (think also, if you're familiar with such kinds of homestuck terms: hyperflexible mythologies, A4:1524, and/or this archive link cause the official thing is down now for some reason)

the conclusion i've come to is thus that even something as basic as the original medium of a story can dictate a lot about what kinds of fan activities are more common or popular within said story's fandom.

so, back to good omens- for me, this all relates back because of a question i've been messing with in my head recently, about why i've been less interested in fanfiction for good omens than i have been for the last few fandoms i've been, almost all of which have basically broken my ao3 bookmarks.

this question has been fucking with me for a while now, largely because i'm not entirely sure what's motivating it. a lot of times i can figure out pretty easily why i might personally not be interested in some parts of fandom, but that's not really the case here. from what i've seen this fandom seems to be pretty mixed in terms of age, & the writing that i have read is certainly no worse than i've seen elsewhere, perhaps even better in some places- and yet, i can't seem to get entirely into it, even getting frustrated as i can't find something to my tastes for an ao3 bedtime story as i've grown so accustomed. what caught me off guard is that this was an issue that i ran into while watching season 1 as well, back when the series was still quite popular but not blowing up like it is right now.

a lot of this may seem like (and likely is, at least in part) basic overthinking, but i mentioned it all here because the answer i eventually came to is reminiscent of my previous reflections above on the nature of fandom & how/why fanworks are created.

a couple paragraphs above, i used the example of art as an example of how fandoms that generate a lot of original artwork will often do the most when the original story falls into a sweet spot of character design, but notably i think that this sentiment applies to a lot more than just art. if you've ever seen the copious amounts of kpop & hockey rpf fanfiction that lives on ao3, it should be clear that this applies to writing too.

i wrote this essay a while back responding to an observation about the lack of a more extensive symbolic language in fanfiction & i've toyed around with the idea more since, particularly in considering the question of why a lot of what we see as the staples of fanfiction exist in the first place. in that post, my response largely revolved around an argument of why we create fanfiction- namely, that fanfiction is created as in tandem with deeper analysis of the original story/series, as a way of trying to practically apply character analysis to a new context.

the key part of that last sentence to me is how a lot of this revolves around character analysis (and shipping, but really it's the characters that motivate the shipping in most cases so. same difference).

i tend to instinctively separate fanfiction into two separate categories: fanfiction that is based out of the original world/canon of the story (including but not limited to fix-its, deeper analysis fics that take a scene & extrapolate from it, continuations, etc.) and fanfiction that takes the characters from the original story & plops them in an alternate universe/AU. while i separate these out as two distinct categories of fanfiction, i should also clarify that i don't think these two groups are necessarily equal in terms of number of fics- rather, the vast majority of fanfiction tends to be AUs, keeping the original characters & changing any & all aspects of the world around them. again, this may vary depending on the story & Vibe of the fandom at the time, stories like game of thrones or harry potter or homestuck might have a lot more in the canon category by nature of any major dissatisfactions the fandom has with how the original story was told, but in most cases AUs are more popular. this was a lot of the basis behind my argument that fanfiction is created as character analysis in fact, since the characters are the most important part that carries over from original story to fanwork, as well as can end up being one of the most debated/scorned parts when it comes to fandom drift (i.e. "that's out of character"/"he wouldn't do that"/and all other such arguments about fanon vs. canon characterization).

basically, my conclusion in this case was that i was a lot less interested in gomens fic largely because i have a really hard time separating the characters from the world in the case of this particular story. aziraphale & crowley being an angel & a demon and dealing with all of the bullshit of their world when it comes to heaven & hell are such integral parts of their characters in my mind that i have a much harder time getting behind AU fanfiction that plops them in a totally different context. it's just a much harder sell for keeping the characters in character for me. (i also tend to not like s2 fix-its just cause, idk they're just not my style, which is where a lot of the recent blast of energy has led us.) to clarify, this is not a judgement, just a matter of personal preference and a reflection of why, even if a lot of fandoms will look the same from the outside/involve the same things like art, fic, etc., an individual's mileage can vary wildly when it comes to how they interact with different things online.

*additional note, also for clarification: i do want to acknowledge that a lot of this depends on pure popularity as well, popular fandoms will often end up with basically everything in terms of fanworks just by nature of how many people are interacting with & thinking deeply about the story. my point here is more along the lines of the fact that even within the more well-populated fandoms, certain types of fanwork will often Stick Out more to me than others, or even be visibly much more common than in other fandoms, due largely to the original medium/structure of how the story.

so, speaking of aziraphale & crowley in more depth now- why does the world of good omens feel like such an integral part of their personalities when it comes to characterization? up next, let's talk about morality within the context of good omens' perhaps surprisingly secular take on heaven & hell.

2. the amorality of heaven & hell (ft. the crowley quote apples you know the one)

(warning in advance that this section may be a bit limited since i'm not going to get super far (or very far at all, really) into the whole religious-analysis aspect of good omens.)

i've been binge-reading the original pterry & gaiman book for good omens over the last few days and it's been very fun seeing all the slight changes between the tv show & the original. you can really see the hand of the original creators in how the tv show was translated, even just by looking at which parts made it and which parts were deemed worth cutting out. i suppose having one of the original creators right there helping build everything really helps make a book -> show translation work, since the ASOUE tv series was also pretty well received- something about knowing what's the core of the series & truly important to keep in, and having more time to tell the story itself?

anyways, i have a short list of notes that i've been taking as i read, conversations that stand out to me or footnotes that particularly amused me, but i keep coming back to one line that stood out to me quite early on. in context, this line comes from crowley during the conversation where he is first attempting to fully convince aziraphale about stopping armageddon, specifically when they're talking about exerting equal forces on warlock to make him normal:

"You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?" [Aziraphale] said slowly. "Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped," said Crowley. He shrugged. "Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that."

(pg. 67)

"They're just names for sides." if i had to pick one line to sum up the view on religious morality of this series, this would likely be it.

on the one hand, i tend to interpret a lot gomens' take on heaven & hell within the context of its political stance, something that is particularly obvious through a line from gabriel in s2e2 where he tries to clarify to aziraphale that heaven isn't trying to hurt job directly, but instead is just not stopping hell from doing horrible things to him. while there may be some additional nuance to add to this take within the context of british politics that i don't really know well enough to add about, i'm inclined to see this from the side of my own familiar american politics, which might hold some weight considering how long mr. gaiman's lived around here. point is, my current interpretation of that line is that it helps in more clearly establishing the analogy of heaven & hell as the story moves forward into newer seasons and thus more contemporary politics, equating heaven with mainstream liberal politics & politicians and hell with conservatives.

this stance seems to be emphasized even more in the tv show than the book which makes sense considering its been coming out more recently, and especially in season 2 which is still quite caught up in a lot of quarantine-based reflection. (the tv show puts a lot more emphasis on heaven & hell in general, actually, perhaps initially a byproduct of actually being able to see those environments in their entirety and all the angels & demons that populate them- but we'll get to that.)

the book takes a slightly different stance that, fittingly, seems more reflective of the time it came out. in particular, i was struck a lot more when reading the book by adam's rise (fall?) to power, and how much of it was motivated by a burgeoning nervousness/pessimism about climate change and the anxieties of younger generations that comes with inheriting an earth that feels so fucked up. honestly if anything it's only gotten more relevant in that respect, what with the current vibe on the internet & the hopelessness of the doomer gen z gang, but it also has a distinctly different flavor to me from the tv show, which i think is largely because it's less connected to Formal politics since again we see a whole lot less of heaven & hell as such distinct, bureaucratic entities.

instead, there is a very distinctly amoral aspect to heaven & hell that we get through lines like the one above and especially from characters like crowley. this is why i argue that good omens, despite having so many religious elements, is such a deeply secular take, especially when it comes to its ethics & morality- Good and Evil, notably with the capital letters in this case, has very little to do with actual actions and much more to do with the name that you stamp on top of said actions. heaven & hell and the angels & demons that we see directing and watching and generally fucking with aziraphale & crowley throughout the story are distinctly separate from humanity, and as we see even more as the story progresses, distinctly unaware about what it even means to be a human, in both a deeper philosophical & very basic and literal sense. Good and Evil is simply another name for the sides- and thus the true ethics is something separate, and based in a deeply human experience.

in my opinion this is also why aziraphale & crowley, lovers of humanity and also to some degree spokespersons of it from how much they've "gone native," tend to be so deeply at odds with both heaven & hell and always end up agreeing with each other over their own supposed sides. what makes aziraphale & crowley so distinctly different is that they ascribe to the same ethics & morality that humanity does, or at the very least are trying to figure out ethics & morality & How to Be a Good Person in the same horribly messy way that humans do, separating them from the black & white "this side Good & this side Bad," logic that the rest of heaven & hell instinctively ascribe to.

there's a lot of nuance here, which is also why i think there is such an emphasis on moral ambiguity (and love, but we'll get to that) throughout season 2. the story of job, grave robbing, & questionable attempts at matchmaking- aziraphale is working through a lot of Shit right now when it comes to trying to figure out what the Good thing actually fucking is, and i think it's key that a lot of that is motivated by crowley himself. crowley might'e been cast out of heaven for asking too many questions, but aziraphale is there & listening to them & giving them the serious thought they deserve, and that can't be overlooked.

sidenote: i couldn't figure out a place to shove this in, but i also wanna point out that a lot of this is tied to the idea of growing over time too. on the same page as the quote transcribed above is another line from crowley leading up to aziraphale's question that puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that warlock is going to be a product of nurture, not nature. again, this is an argument against basic black & white assigned-at-birth morality for the ability of humans to grow & change over time and be influenced by the people around them.

it's notable that despite adam's supposed origin as a Son of Satan, what really gets him to stop the apocalypse in the end is the fact that he doesn't really give a shit about all this big plans but instead just wants to hang around his friends. there's a lot of emphasis in the book placed on how beautiful & nice tadfield is as a place for a young kid to grow up, how well loved & fiercely protected it as as something beloved to adam. while he might be overwhelmed when faced with the full picture of how horrible the world can be, ultimately what he cares about is loving & taking care of the people & places that he grew up learning were precious, and the only way to do that is to keep growing & changing yourself within that world and trying to help it also grow into something better, not throw it all away just for the slightest chance that you could restart. a message worth taking the time to think about, at the absolute very least.

3. finding morality w/in humanity: crowley & aziraphale and speculation for s3

i have complicated feelings about both aziraphale & crowley throughout a lot of the show and especially in season 2. i think a lot of people, myself included, are inclined to see crowley as the voice of reason in this season, and for good reason- as i mentioned before, a lot of aziraphale's deeper questioning of the status quo and goodness (Goodness) as a whole is motivated by questions from crowley.

i kiiind of mentioned this in my previous essay, but to state it more clearly, my take on crowley is that he's arriving at the right answer for the wrong reasons, and, conversely, aziraphale is arriving at the wrong answer for... kind of also the wrong reasons but also slightly for the right reasons. let me explain.

crowley is clearly much more aware of the flaws in both heaven & hell than aziraphale is, which seems to be the basis behind a lot of his motivation in asking aziraphale so many questions in the first place. he's also, as maggie & nina point out in s2e6, deeply lonely, often running away or getting ready to fight literally anyone that isn't aziraphale (or humans, but that's a little more complicated). from his reaction to beelz & gabriel getting together, i think it's pretty clear that he still hasn't entirely given up on the whole alpha centauri idea, and it makes sense- as i said in that last essay, crowley basically won the argument at the end of the previous season when it comes to aziraphale & crowley, "making [their] own side," so he doesn't have much reason to face any of his personal fears until maggie & nina basically point out that they exist directly to his face. once they do point it out, however, he's very motivated to act & does so almost immediately, even after hearing what aziraphale has to tell him and being pretty thoroughly devastated by it.

my point here is that crowley is correct in seeing the toxicity of both heaven & hell, he's just flawed and largely motivated by fear (up for debate if that's all it is, but i certainly think it's a big part of it) in his desire to run away from it all. it's not quite armageddon, again he's going more flight > fight here, but he's still ultimately giving up and that's not a great conclusion.

on the other hand, as some others on this site have pointed out, aziraphale is certainly showing a lot of strength in his willingness to keep fighting & try to change things for the better, but it's not hard to see how that belief has been twisted. one of aziraphale's biggest flaw in motivation at this point imo is that he doesn't just believe in goodness but Goodness, the kind that's tied to heaven always being right & all actions being morally Good so long as they're done under the name of heaven, and that clearly also isn't great.

thus what i think the both of these two really need ultimately is that deeper connection to humanity, and the ethics born from humans interacting with humans. we can already see how strong these two are when they collaborate, even when they're doing their absolute best to be as subtle as possible, but what i think they need is to once again be grounded by humanity, not to get so caught up in the bullshittery of heaven & hell and Good & Evil, but once again find a goodness defined by the world that they mutually love so much and stick with it.

i keep tossing a question around in my head about whether or not aziraphale & crowley are going to end up human by the end of this series. it feels natural that they would, they're already so at home and in love with earth & around humanity, but i'm also not entirely sure if that would be a happy ending for them considering how long they've watched & loved the world as it's changed. perhaps taking this post into account is another push towards humanity as a happy ending, not running away to a cottage to get away from the world (i just can't see running away to a cottage to be together as as happy ending, sorry- it might work for beelz & gabriel but not for aziraphale & crowley), but choosing to settle down within that world that is so dear.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

7 to 11

✧ ── 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍

7. What was the strangest thing the mun has done that make the muse confused?

── "My my, strangest thing? Quite difficult when they have so many eccentricities, however one of the strangest things was their need to go into the forests alone and collect ... carrion. Which mind you, appropriate if you intend to use the bones and flesh to render a potion or perhaps give it in offering for a diety to gain a boon but ... Not at all! They knelt down and photographed it for some "artistic" - I use that term loosely - project, as though trying to capture the beauty in death is a visionary concept. Ha! However, they were quite naive then, who am I to slander the infectious creativity of youth? Still though; quite an odd bit of behavior; they didn't even harvest the animals for later use - what a waste."

8. Does the mun like to shitpost/make funny posts a lot?

── "Unfortunately, it is dependent on the day; a tragedy on both ends of the "serious" to "hilarious" pipeline. My writer seems to have little consistency in terms of keeping their silliness under lock and key, you may see something foolish written shortly after some dreadful, horrific scene. They seem to have multiple boxes in their mind for various topics, ready to be opened at any time - and that is just what is put onto this strange space, private is somehow - frightfully - worse."

9. Has the mun ever scared the muse?

── "HA! That little thing frighten me? What do I have to fear, their childlike whimsy or anxious demeanor - please, they are far from frightening. I have faced Gods, Demons, a mere mortal human is not a threat but a liability most of the time. No, Battle Mistress, I have no fear of such a person; if I did I would not have survived the mindless prattle of the city in which I grew up in. Predatory animals care little about the actions of their prey and a wolf has little fear of a rabbit."

10. What about the mun does the muse find annoying or bothersome?

── "If I'm to be honest with you, most things - I am not a fan of most people and they fit the bill of "average" quite well. How can one be content with such a simple life? They have patience and precision within their youth and yet they struggle to use it to climb higher - I could never be content with the dirt and worms. A lack of ambition, choosing balance and peace, would mean death in my homeland - I cannot think to stomach it. To stay mediocre and be content with it simply rings to me as a fear that they could not satisfy the demands meant for progress; their fulfillment surely comes out of fear. The notion that a life needs balance to thrive is a lie meant to stengthen what little grip people think they have on their futures; chaos and disorder will come regardless of how hard you push - might as well try to use some of it for a boon. I would rather break my life and begin anew than be satisfied with its messes."

11. Do you like the backstory your mun gave you?

── "Tell me, Miss Sivir, did you like when your parents were cut down and you were forced to live a life with the street rats? Of course you didn't - perhaps I can appreciate the brutal lessons taught to me throughout my life but even the most depraved us our kind do not relish in our own misery. Everything has been taken from me, over and over and over again - I have no idea if my future will amount to anything more but the same cyclical agony. If not, then maybe I will be glad for my trials, to have surpassed them - to find purpose and will in myself. But if they continue to wane against me as they always have, I fear that the call of the dirt may be more welcoming than previous thought. Then maybe I will find out why the Deathsinger finds so much bliss in what lays beyond - if I'm permitted to."

[thewiglesswonder]

Hi, I'm the person who wrote about being scared of Wasp as a kid. To answer your question, I think what scared me so much about him was how clearly mentally unstable he was, and his fixation on Bumblebee. I distinctly remember how unnerved and terrified I was when he started mumbling about "bumblebot" for the first time, and how he seemed to be focused on nothing but "getting revenge" Bumblebee. Who also happened to be my favourite character as a kid (and still is, but nowadays mostly because I love his swagless loser charm). So I think that Wasp being his mentally unstable and revenge focused self, mixed with him being focused on nothing more than hurting my favourite character, mixed together and caused me to be terrified enough of him to give tfa a break.

(First off, "swagless loser charm" is... kind of the best description of Animated Bumblebee I've ever read.) That tracks. There's really nothing like a single-minded obsession with getting revenge at any cost to really take things up a notch in the creepy department. Really, what's scarier than someone who you know will never stop?

[aboutiroh]

The Stand By Me anon and The SatanLord anon are not the same person. I would NEVER want any backstory for an abuser. Sorry if there was any confusion.

Oh, I didn’t think Ozai & Iroh au anon was Stand By Me anon!

Btw, I’m putting Stand By Me on my read/watchlist in honor of you, SBM anon (though that doesn’t really mean anything because it’s a mental list and I do an awful job at retaining books/shows/movies on the list, but the intention is there).

[iamthedukeofurl]

So this is just my take, but the key to understanding Kabru Dungeon Meshi is understanding that the Touden's party was one of the top parties in the dungeon.

You eventually learn the mission they were on when they encountered the red dragon, and it involved going as far into the dungeon as anybody had gone before. Their party lineup was two top-level mages, Marcille and Falin (okay, Marcille's practical magic skills are kind of questionable, but we're told that Falin was extremely talented within her areas of specialty) Two excellent fighters: Shuro and Namari, and Chilchuck, who considering that he runs the guild, is likely one of the most experienced half-foot trapsmiths working on the island. Laios is party leader, and while he's not the greatest fighter, he's quite good, and his obsessive knowledge of monsters means that he can guide the others. You see how Laois's knowledge helps the party already, now imagine if they had a support caster, a dwarf whose almost certainly a much better fighter than Senshi, and another tallman who is almost certainly a much better fighter than Laois all working on that knowledge.

So with that in mind, lets revisit Kabru and his obsession. Kabru knows people, and can read them very well. He's also got a wider perspective on the nature and danger of dungeons due to his backstory. Kabru isn't here to get rich delving the dungeon, he's here to Solve A Problem. He's a relatively recent arrival to the island, that or his mismatched skillset means that he and his party are much slower to progress through it than the Touden's party. Either way, he spots the Touden party as The Party To Watch when it comes to conquering the dungeon. Laois, as party leader, is obviously of particular concern. So, Kabru turns all his insight onto Laois and he gets...nothing. Laois cares about money from a pragmatic standpoint, but isn't especially concerned with it. He's easily conned. He's not driven by hatred, greed, or ambition. There's some curiosity there, but it's not the driving curiosity of an obsessive academic, Laois is an enthusiastic hobbyist who has figured out how to make his particular interest into a valuable skillset. Kabru is looking for the protagonist of an epic fantasy tale, and he finds...just a guy. A guy who didn't feel at home anywhere, and found a place and a life where he was welcome and valued. A guy whose skillset and companions puts him first in a race he doesn't even know he's running. And if you're Kabru, that's infuriating and fascinating in equal measure.

[dan-crimes]

It is sooo interesting watching people so openly talk about how they view people in media whenever I watch reaction videos bcuz it really gives me an insight on what types of things annoy people

[arolesbianism]

Stares at the sekai writers with my big wet brown eyes. Pls don't forget abt how Kanade hid the fact that she met with Mafuyu's mom from them and that Mafuyu knows abt that now

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Astro notes : Short N Sweet <3 Mercurial Design.

Mercury in the 1st - Comical. Socially abundant. Can be very quiet or loud. No in between. I love them actually. Would love someone that can match their flow, however most can never keep up with their every flowing wave. Their like the wind in human form. Their mind is a capsule of all the memories and experiences they've accumilated with time. Very interesting beings and could show you everything and nothing at the same time.

Mercury in the 2nd - This group has common sense enough to figure things out in such a small period of time that they can do almost anything to get what they want. They have issues with exploring things at first hand (taurus is the original ruler of the 2nd) so they can be a little stubborn but over time they quickly learn for new things to come to them from time to time. Very deep thinkers. Can be very open minded when they WANT to be.

Mercury in the 3rd - Intriguing personalities and are the gift that keeps giving. Soft spoken and has a mind thats free to any and everything. Really reluctant on having new friends but can become the bestest of friends later. they can really shy at times. There most open to conversations with strangers, it seems as they can let their whole world out from their mind and open a door to someone who is willing to listen. Beautiful spirits.

Mercury in the 4th - Sweet childlike personalities and honestly their mystique is one of a kind. Going into their world is like walking into a magical novel filled with fantasy, and coming out and it all disappears. Like a spell. Very captivating artists, and most keep the good stuff in a treasure chest, only the real ones will get a chance to open up whats inside.

Mercury in the 5th - Playful. Soft spoken. Interesting. Knowledgeable. Carefree. Those are the 5 things that is most prominent about their character. They will speak to you through song, writing, or even through and instrument. They work real well with their hands, if you can catch what I mean ;) Smooth charmers and could be a mini casanova so watch out for them. Very seductive.

Mercury in 6th - Talkaholics. Chatty Patties. You get my drift lol. Their caring to the ones they love and are advocates for everyone or everything such as animals and plants or even homeless people. You cannot get away with being mean to someone if they catch they are going to say some lol. Can be very mean spirited to the ones who deserve it. Overall, very practical and humane about things that need most of our attention. They aren't boring, their routines can switch up a lot depending on their mood so be easy on them.

Mercury in 7th - Charming individuals whose seductive prowess come out like a lightning bolt. Everybody likes them. Children come up to them the most tho. They have an angelic presence to their personalities and can get anyone to be on their side. Charismatic. Be careful, because the same way they can use this gift for good, they can switch and you know... do some damage ;)

Mercury in the 8th - Something about their wordplay is very special and potent. They have a gift with words that can transform the way you feel, think, breathe, etc. They have knowledge and insight about the world that most will never accept to be the truth. So they guard these secrets with their life, holding on until the ashes fall away connecting back with the wind. And allowing the circle of life to continue. The mind transforms a lot and they become a new person every once and a while. Be easy on them, their brain can take them to many stages psychologically.

Mercury in the 9th - Have a wit and charm to them that keeps the energy going. They aren't use to having people wanting to be around them or being attracted to them a lot however this happens more often than not. People love what they have to say, and want to hear more of how they view things from time to time. They are really interesting to say the least. Like what all do you know?

Mercury in the 10th - The audience admires these beings. Naturally charismatic and people love to see them on the big screen. They literally have a tv personality and can go viral at some point in their life. Gotta watch out for the people who always have their hands out, their naturally giving and love to share their time and energy freely.. a little too much. Keep your circle small.

Mercury in the 11th - Have a natural knack with entertaining all sorts of groups. Can commit to a cause like no other and get as many people on board. Very persuasive and social skills are through the roof. The social awkward become to most popular. The loner because the one everyone knows. These individuals are great with turning something that was 'lame' into someone fun and cool. Very different from the crowd, which what allows people to see them for their soul and not their flesh.

Mercury in the 12th - Spiritually inclined to feel the waves of the universe. Captivating the stars in the night and then going home to serve the divine with a painted canvas. A gifted creator who's only purpose is to live and die. To create and conquer the mind. The brain is the place of peace, when it wants to be. And when its not, they transmute that energy into something no other than. Something creative. Something special. The universe uses them as the vessel to give a message to the audience who desires to hear the words of God. You will never get another one of them in your life if you ever meet them.

[astronlogia]

Astrology observation #2

Astrology offers insights, not certainties. These observations highlight tendencies, not rules. Use them for reflection, but remember that your choices and experiences ultimately shape your life.

Also keep in mind that they are general interpretation. It can resonate with some people and not with others !

Venus in Fire Signs (Aries, Leo and Sag) : Seeks excitement and adventure in relationships. They want to feel alive in a relationship it like they want to live in a romance movie, its importante for them to to chase and win over their lover ;). They are (mainly Leo) the true lovers of the zodianc signs tbh.

Mars in Libra: Harmony in love is the big theme, they often avoid conflict but have a big struggle with making decision. Also Hygines is very important for them i notice they dislike bad odors it give them THE ICK.

Moon Conjunct Venus: Big lovers they are nurturing and affectionate, they seek emotional security through warm, supportive relationships. They are the lover who give you a hug after a hard day.

Venus Retrograde in Natal Chart: unconventional love relationship, they of people who can go bakc to ex's, they should focus on self-love it can be a big theme in their life time it also give karmic relationship (my aunt with a venus retrograde had 3 divorce with the same man...).

Juno in the 7th House: i never seen someone with this being single for more than a month ? they always have options and people but are the type of people who will stick to one love relationship.

Venus Opposite Uranus: They are afraid of commitement , can change their mind very quickly. The type of people who love summer flings, can be interested in poly relationships, they value their freedom and have the Grass is greener syndrome.

Mars in the 5th House: Passionate in romantic pursuits, enjoys thrilling, playful love affairs. A lot people with this placement are serial daters.

Venus Square Pluto: Experiences intense, transformative relationships with potential for power struggles and deep emotional connections.They can become possessive in love, they give me Pearl(Mia Goth) Vibe or Love in You. They need people to match their freak tbh.

Neptune in the 7th House: A LOT OF IDEALISATION, they seek spiritual connections but must guard against unrealistic expectations in love. They can be lost in a relationship and not seeing things clearly, wich can lead to manipulation.

Venus Sextile Mars: There is a balance between love and desire, expressing passion with respect and consideration in relationships. not as strong as a conjunction but a sweet aspect.

Saturn Return: you will know nothing until you pass your saturn return, this period can be though but it will help you define the next 30 years of your life, what can be done to more true to your life path.

[giuliettagaltieri]

Claim the Heritage

Pairing: President!Coriolanus Snow x First Lady!Reader

Chapter Synopsis: The Wife

Warning: casual dominance, marital quarrels, tension, vulnerability, explicit smut, cunnilingus, p in v, unprotected sex, body worship, brat taming, self destructive tendencies

Word Count: 4364

6 of 6

Coriolanus Snow has a knack of pushing himself too far.

He expects too much from himself and does everything in his power to meet those expectations.

As a student and a starting politician, he has done great things, contributing fresh insights to Panem.  And now that he is the President, he has the power to do things with his own hands.  No longer having to need the approval of people of higher status, not when he’s the President, nobody has power greater than his.

You worry that he might be forgetting his other responsibilities.

He is after all, not just Mister President but also your husband.

You see him often in the corridors and you exchange nothing more than sultry glances.  It was fun the first time you have done it but you are left wanting now.

At night, the two of you come home late, too tired to get some action going.

You have needs that long to be fulfilled.

And your unfed desires manifested in your temper.

The men in the room are discussing the recent power outage that paralyzed Panem for a day.  A malfunction caused by severe water temperatures in the hydroelectric dam in District 5 caused a cascading error in the system.  The Capitol and a portion of District 1 and 2 were able to continue their operation due to generators but the other Districts suffered from it.  And the one day pause of labor caused a slight drop to Panem’s stock charts.

All eight of your husband’s subordinates are trying to raise their opinions about the matter, how they will conduct another investigation as they are quite convinced it was human error, and how they will punish the one responsible for it too.

Their voices are starting to irritate you, making you tap your foot under the desk.  Coriolanus seems to be ignoring them as he reads through the report.  How he can manage to focus, you have absolutely no idea.

You try to regain your composure by taking a sip of water but it does not help, not one bit.  Deep intakes of breath also seem to be not working.

Coriolanus is still reading the report, his back against his chair as one of his hands toy with his pen.  His fingers are looking rather breathtaking today.

You look away before anyone could notice your desperation.

“Frankly, you are all arguing about matters that have been resolved already.”  He murmurs and you are thankful for it as the room quiets down.

“What do you mean sir?”

You bite your cheek to stop yourself from berating the man.  But Coriolanus can see that arch in your brow any day.  You are pissed.

“You have something to say, wife?”  He smiles knowingly at you and you look at him sharply but his smile only widens more.

“Well, all of you are being foolish!”  You finally burst.  Coriolanus leans back in his chair as if he is watching a rather interesting show.  “There is a report given, and a very good one at that.  Do you all have poor reading comprehension that you cannot understand that this is not a human error!”

The room falls silent as the men stare at you with their cheeks pinking in embarrassment.

Coriolanus clears his throat and leans closer to his desk.  “I believe what the Missus wants to say is that we must be coming up with solutions to prevent this from happening again rather than point fingers.”

You glare at him again but Coriolanus is not looking at you but the men who are nodding in agreement.  You hear a chorus of apologies from the men and you can’t help your bottom lip from jutting out in irritation.

“We can strengthen the system.  A collaboration with District 3, perhaps?”  A man says nervously, eyes flitting to you for approval but you don’t acknowledge him.

The other men raise their support.  They have to stay in your good graces.  All eight of them are dispensable.  If you talk to your husband to eliminate them, there will be nothing they can do.

They are proud men, but they too are necessary associates, albeit shortsighted at times.

You lean on your chair and swivel it so you are partially facing your husband.  “Another source of power.”

He nods at you to continue.

“A solar plant.”  You say.  “It is a good back up.”

Coriolanus rubs his chin and considers it for a moment.  “Indeed.  May I ask you to write a proposal, my love?”

“Of course.”  You say and you begin tidying up your stuff.  Coriolanus picks it up and addresses the men in general.

“I appreciate your…enthusiasm in helping our great nation.  Good day, gentlemen.”

They all file out of the room, thanking the President and you.  They all seem to sweat when you dismiss them with nothing but a brief nod.

Coriolanus leaves his chair and he eyes the pout in your lips. 

“Have a great day.”  You say as you stand.

“Leaving so soon?”  He raises a brow.

You stop in your tracks to look at him weirdly.  “You asked me to write a proposal?”

He hums at this and presses a chaste kiss on your lips.  “I will be seeing you at lunch, then.”  He guides you to the door and you both exit the meeting room to go to your separate offices.

His behavior is really really starting to irk you.

You are lying if you were not hoping that he would stop you and at least help out with the tension in your body.

But you guess not, he is a busy guy after all.

Coriolanus buries himself more and more with work.

You worry that he might be close to self-destruction.

The crops in District 9 suffered from a locust infestation and it kept him up very late for a few weeks.

You started to miss him very much.  Try as you might to stay awake in your room, it is not until nearly sunrise when he joins you.

It hurts and you hate yourself for being selfish.

One morning as you share your breakfast, you notice that he is barely touching his food as he reads the report about the red tide poisoning in District 4.

“Corio, eat.”  You say before your lips wrap around a strawberry.

He only hums in response as he flips to the next page of the report.

You glance at him and see the dark circles under his eyes, his skin looking dehydrated, and it is evidenced by the cracks in his lips.

“You will die before you turn thirty if you keep that up.”  You say lowly before you suck on your finger absentmindedly, your eyes now scanning your bowl for the next strawberry you’ll eat.

This caught his attention.

“What did you just say?”  There was a challenge in his voice and you hesitate for a moment, heart wanting to submit and apologize but the Swansworth blood courses through your veins and you fear you will shame the strong women before you if you fold so easily.

You look at him dead in the eye.  “You will die before you turn thirty if you keep that up.”  You smile at him sweetly.  “Was that clear enough for you, or do I have to repeat myself again?”

His jaw tightens, his eyes sharp.  He does not take mentions of his death lightly.  Had you been anyone else, you would have your tongue cut off and live as an Avox.

“You really are your father’s daughter.”  He sighs, trying his best to hide the amused smile you put on his face.

You wanted to retort but your words die in your tongue.  Coriolanus glances up at you when you don’t speak.  Usually, you would have bitten another comment at him.  But you were only looking at your strawberries sadly, finger tracing the bowl that held them.

The sound of paper crinkling had you looking up.  He folded the report away, he had the necessary information he needed anyway.  Coriolanus knows you are watching him and he scoops a mouthful of truffle scrambled eggs.  You gave him the sweetest smile he had seen on your face for weeks, and it was motivation enough for him to eat the breakfast that was served to him.  Yet, he still finishes first.

You pout unknowingly when he wipes his lips with the napkin and walks over to kiss your forehead.

“I will be seeing you later for your report.”

“See you.”  You reply with less enthusiasm.

He watches how sadness swam in your eyes and he leans closer to peck your lips and he is off.

You did not have much energy for work afterwards.

The meeting was at 10 in the morning and you arrived in the meeting room at 10:02.  Coriolanus was not pleased.

He did not back you up when the other men in the room asked questions about your presentation.  It was their job to pick apart your proposal and you only show them how flawless it is.  They are finally satisfied with it after a while, your throat burning from how many questions they asked.

You are infuriated with your husband.  You feel like he is throwing you to the wolves.  Not that you can’t tame the said wolves but it made your blood boil.

“I have decided to call this solar plant, Coriolanus 9.”  You attempt a smile and they actually bite.  “In honor of our President, and us.”  You purposefully let yourself blend in with the men in this proposal.  You need to boost their morale from time to time.

All eight of them murmur their agreement, smiles wide as they feel honored just by being included in the project.

After a few more questions from them, your husband finally adjourns the meeting.

His lack of support was not appreciated and you are determined to get out of this stuffy meeting room.

“Gentlemen, that would be all.”  

What about you?

Your lips part in protest but Coriolanus raises a finger at you, making you close your mouth as you narrow your eyes at him.

After the men filed out, you got up briskly, your chair wheeling back in a great speed.

“Careful.”

“Oh, so you’re talking now?”  You snap, your hand placed on your hip.

Coriolanus only leans on his chair as he looks you in the eye, his chin tilted upwards.

“I am…”  he pauses as he scratches his chin.  “upset with you.”

You scoff.  “You are upset with me? I am upset with you!”  You point at him harshly.  “You were the one who asked me to make a proposal and present it afterwards!  But what did you do?  You did not support me or give me assurance!”

“I was confident in your proposal.”  Coriolanus stands up calmly, his hands in his pockets, his thumb jutting out.

You give him one final glare and you huff, turning your nose up as you look away.  “I am done talking to you today.”

Coriolanus grips your arm before you can walk away.

His hand is warmer than usual and you frown.

“Do you need me to put you in your place?”  

The threatening growl in his voice washed away all the fight in you.

You bite your lip nervously, the entire bottom lip disappearing behind a row of teeth.  You shake your head and you tear up from how pathetic you have become for this man.

He smooths your hair and places a warm kiss against your temple.  “Be good.”  He murmurs.

You watch him collect his things and he throws you one final warning glance and he exits the meeting room.  Your hands grip the hardwood table to steady yourself.

How dare he!

You are his wife, not some District whore that needs to be reprimanded, you will not allow such disrespect again!

Coriolanus is not surprised to see you miss lunch.  His assistant tells him that you are having luncheon with Mrs. Plinth.  And that…you canceled all your plans for the day.  And the rest of the week.

He taps a finger on his desk and wonders if he pushed you too far earlier. 

Coriolanus glances at your photo in his desk.  Your smile was brighter then.  

A slight pounding in his head makes him grimace and he groans.

There were two more bills he needed to get through before he could relax.  Coriolanus inhales sharply, forcing his eyes to read through the files.

It was night time when he came home.  He missed dinner again.

Coriolanus had an unsettling feeling in his stomach when he entered your home.  It was dark and cold.

There was enough security outside but no signs of life inside.

Your servants usually retire after dinner and come back only in the mornings to serve you your breakfast.

But where are you?

Coriolanus doubles his steps to check your bedroom, you are not there.

His heart starts pounding, cold sweat dripping from his temple as he runs around his mansion in his tight suit.  He wanted to ask the peacekeepers stationed outside if you are even in your mansion when he catches a glimpse of your sheer robe in your sunroom.  He steps closer and sees you there, asleep in your plush chair, curled up around a book.

For a moment, he just stares at you, calming himself down.  No one has taken you and you did not leave.  Coriolanus seats himself to the identical chair across you and just looks at the rise and fall of your chest.

You must have fallen asleep as you were having your afternoon read.  It appears you might have missed dinner, as none of the lights are on.  The servants must have left it off so as to not disturb your sleep.

The night deepens and he just sits there, still convincing himself that you are still with him.

Coriolanus believes he will be there until morning comes but fate has other plans and your book slips from your hold, the hardcover making a loud slamming noise against the otherwise silent evening.

You jolt awake from the noise and when you reach for it, you catch a glimpse of him and you jolt for the second time.

“Heavens!”  You clutch your chest tightly, your eyes glaring accusingly at him.  “Do not scare me like that!”

He laughs hollowly.

“Apologies.”  He mutters.

You lean back in your chair, holding your book in your lap.

“Have you eaten your dinner?”  You ask just to break the silence.

“Not yet and neither did you.”  He uncuffs his sleeves and loosens his tie.

You purse your lips.  “I had tea and cakes this afternoon.”

“When did tea and cakes pass as dinner?”  He drapes his waistcoat on the armrest together with his tie.

You choose not to answer as you have a feeling the question was rhetorical.

Coriolanus rests his arms on his thighs and clasps his hands as the silence lengthens.  Moonlight was emitting a pale glow, it reflected on your faces and everything else was still.

“My father casts a very large shadow.”  He tells you.

You nod.  You both have that in common.  But you do not want to tell him as his case was different.  You are aware of his struggle while growing up, the things he has done that could have tarnished his name, and now, he has become the President, a leader of Panem, and the footsteps that his father left for him to follow might be too large for him.

“I wanted to do everything right.  To do things how he would have done it.  Maybe even more.”

You play with the edges of your book as you listen, afraid that if you’ll talk, his walls will come building itself up again.

“He was not the best father.  Nor husband.”  He chuckles bitterly.  “I was sure, I would be just like him too.”

You bite your lip as you will yourself not to cry in front of him.

“But I enjoy your company, wife.”  Coriolanus tells you truthfully.  “I love you.”  He confesses, making your chest tighten.  “I do not wish for this marriage to fail.”

You cannot help how a tear rolls down your cheek.

“Come here.”  He commands and you throw yourself to him, sobbing to his chest.  “I am terribly sorry for being a lousy husband.”

Your tears soak his dress shirt as Coriolanus peppers kisses on your head.

“Been neglecting my wife, how awful of me.”  His hand grips on your bum possessively.  “When she should have been worshiped day by day.”  His tone changes ever so slightly into something you hear only inside your bedroom walls.

You do not protest when he lays you on the chaise lounge.  Your sobs turn to sniffles when Coriolanus parts your thighs and bunches your dress until it shows your abdomen.

“Corio.”  You whisper his name like a prayer and he mumbles yours against your skin.  You watch as he plants his lips on your scar.  A scar that you got from taking a bullet for him.

It was not the last time you whispered his name in the dead of the night.

“Your petals always have the sweetest nectar.”  He groans and you feel yourself shy away, hips hiking up and away from him but his arms tighten their hold around your thighs and he looks at you from there, his eyes giving you a silent warning.

“S-sorry-ah!”  You gasp as his tongue darts out to lick the juices off your slit.  His tongue pokes at your pearl and you break eye contact with him when he wraps his lips on your tiny nub.

Coriolanus looks at you with his eyes now lazy but his tongue, the opposite!

He kisses you and in an act of total impulsiveness, starts tracing his name on your clit.  Coriolanus Snow was owning you in every way possible.

He had you reduced to your most carnal self.  Your hands were on his platinum hair, gripping them tightly in your hold, selfishly pulling him in.  Your thighs are resting on his broad shoulders.  And your cunt, it was making a mess on your chaise lounge and on your husband’s face.

Coriolanus groans as he parts your lips so he could kiss your opening.  His thick finger, that you have been craving, sliding on your juices before he plunges it knuckle-deep.  It might have been a mistake on his part given your sensitivity after having to be forced to join him in his self-induced celibacy.  Your lewd mewl brought rouge to his cheeks.

You bring your hands to your mouth to hush yourself and Coriolanus took that as a challenge.  He sits up, sitting on his ankles to press your thigh to your chest as his finger prods at you from the inside.

You are writhing underneath him.  Telling him how good he is making you feel.  Oh, and he reveled in it.  Every sound that comes from your lips, it fueled his desire more and more.

A second finger was added and you shriek from the stretch, it has been a while, he needs to be more gentle!  But Coriolanus cannot help himself when you look so pretty.  Your cheeks wet with tears, eyelashes clumping up, as your hands formed tiny fists.  Any form of his self control has disappeared when you are gushing and pulsating around his fingers.

He knows you’re nearly there, so close!

You pant, closing your eyes as his fingers massaged your walls, coaxing you to climb higher and higher and-

“Coriolanus!”  You yell furiously when he pulls his fingers out.

Your husband grins at you as he wipes his face from your slick.

“I seem to recall that someone was not a very good girl this morning?”  His hands trailed at your hips and you almost tear up from frustration.

He was supposed to be making it up to you!  He had no reason to bring up the events this morning.

In an act of defiance, you huff and you reach your own sex to flick at your clit.  Your fingers are more delicate, making you gasp at the gentle pleasure.

Coriolanus grins as he watches you play with yourself.  Enjoying how you grow more and more frustrated as you cannot give yourself the same pleasure.  You shriek angrily as you pull your fingers away, you slam your tiny feet on the chaise and Coriolanus laughs. 

“Are you done being a brat?”

You are too stubborn to answer but you do not stop him when he maneuvers you until you are on your stomach, you groan softly in discomfort when he pulls your hips so your cunt is presented to him beautifully.

His fingers are prodding your entrance again and you mewl when he pops his tip in.   Coriolanus stays there for a moment as his hands, rough from his time as a peacekeeper, grips on your waist firmly.

“There’ll be no stopping, alright?”  He reminds you.  “We’re done when I say we’re done.”

You lift your head from the plush of the chaise lounge and you give him a nod. 

“Put your head back down, my love.”

You do as he tells you and you brace yourself.

Coriolanus enters you with a sharp thrust, and your whimper is muffled by the cushions.  Your husband thrusts at a steady speed, his eyes watching the impact ripple on your body.

Your breath hitches with every kiss his tip makes on your cervix.  Every slap of his hips against you makes the crudest sound, sending a jolt of arousal through you.  President Snow is a man of the most refined of tastes, the pinnacle of order.  But when he beds you, he is just as raw, just as unrestrained.

“Don’t know why I deprived myself of your wet cunt for so long.”  And his mouth spewing the most vulgar of things.

He uses his weight to push you further in the mattress so he can fuck you deeper.  Your cunt spasms and you moan shakily, almost sobbing.

“Chase it, my love.”  He groans deeply.

And you unravel, lewd sobs spilling from your polished tongue as your back arches, cunt creaming around his cock.

Coriolanus watches you sob, your shoulders shaking as his thrusts do not relent.  His eyes flicker to where your bodies meet, your warm juices are dripping on his taut sack.

“Corio…Corio please!  I don’t think I can anymore….”

“Hm?”  He reaches to grab your chin.  “Thought I told you that we’re only done when I say so?”

You look at him with tears sliding down your cheeks.  You can’t even focus on him, body shuddering when your tummy feels another tight coil.

Coriolanus inhales sharply when he feels the familiar pulsation of your warm softness.

His tip twitches as it bumps your plump cervix.  And when you call his name with your broken voice as you cum, he shoots his seed in you.

“Hah…hah.”  

He is panting from on top of you, his hand placed against your bottom to keep himself up.

Coriolanus gently pulls himself out, watching the gossamer webbing of your arousal on his cock.  He smacks your bum and you tighten your cunt to keep his seed from spilling.  He scoots closer so he is holding you, your back against his chest as your legs tangled together.

The two of you gaze at the moon from the enormous windows of your sunroom.  It was calm again.  Nothing but your heartbeats and the gentle breathing lulling each of you closer to sleep.

“Corio.”  You call his name softly.

He hums in response as he pulls you closer, just needing to feel you against him.

“The people of Panem are not your fucking masters.”

His brows meet and he glances at you, wondering where all of this is coming from.

“They cannot have you always cleaning up their mess like you are some District servant.”

He shifts you so you are facing him now.  His stern brows meet to let you know you are on thin ice.

“You govern your people.  You don’t coddle them.  Let the District officials do their job.  They must learn to solve their own problems and the Capitol Bureaucrats must see to it that they are doing it in ways that align with your judgment.  And you lead them from the top.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

You yawn like the adorable thing you are.  “So Snow lands on top.”

He clicks his tongue smoothly.  “You are only attracted to power.”

“My love.”  You say rather darkly.  “You are power.”

Coriolanus falls silent, contemplating your words, letting himself process it.

He sighs as he looks at you in endearing defeat.  “You just want a vacation, don’t you?”

You fight back a smile as you smack his chest.

“I am being serious, Coriolanus Snow.”

He pulls you closer, teeth glinting as he snickers.  “I understand that, Y/N Snow.”

“Y/N Swansworth-Snow.”  You remind him and he laughs.

“Of course, of course.”

You lean your head on his chest and your cheek soaks his warmth.

“You know, you are not your father, Corio.”

He winces.  “I know…I’m just-”

“You are better.”

That sinks deep in him.

He now understands why there was something in you that pulled him in.  No one in Panem, or in this world, could understand his soul in its most naked form.  You are his stability.  Someone whom he cannot scare away when he is darkest.

Because it seems like you might be exactly just like him.  Just as cruel, just as evil, with no regards to anyone but each other.

And he is fine with that, even if the world is burned to ash around you.

“My love for you is catastrophic.”  Coriolanus murmurs against your skin and you smile as you close your eyes.

You run your finger on his chest.  “And my love for you is all-consuming.”

Coriolanus and you are obsessive, ablazed with reckless passion, villainous in nature, but it is easy to justify when you are both equally drunk with dangerous devotion.

The people of Panem be damned.  

The odds will forever be in your favor.

Hunt for Glory

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

Astrology Observation: 🥪🧋🧘‍♀️🛵🏡💻🕯️🛀🏾 Your Daily Routine ( Healthy & Unhealthy) Based On Your Rising Sign 🥪🧋🧘‍♀️🛵🏡💻🕯️🛀🏾

Disclaimer: I hope this post resonates and you enjoy. As always, if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. Thank you all for your support 🫶🏾

❤️‍🔥Aries Rising:

Healthy

* You care a lot about your hygiene and have a routine that ensures your skin, hair, nails, and body look and smell great. You are particular about what you put on your body and what you do because you feel confident when your routine helps you improve your looks.

* You pay attention to what you put in your body, drink a lot of water, eat your fruits and vegetables. You make sure to balance your meals.

* You are very routine, but find a way to balance work, school, with exercise, self-improvement, and relax time. To you there is nothing more important than maximizing your routine.

* You are constantly improving at a skill ( work, school, or a personal skill).

* You research new and fascinating topics in your free time. This makes you incredibly insightful and smart, always adding to conversations in meaningful ways.

* You love to be organized and you’re constantly finding a way to be smarter.

* You help those that need your help. To you being of service to people makes you feel fulfilled.

Unhealthy

* You don’t have a hygiene routine, you let your hygiene slip until you see it getting bad. Your skin breakouts, your hair is greasy, your nails aren’t taken care of, and you have an odor.

* You eat purely because of pleasure or to survive. You don’t drink enough water or drink more juice, soda, and alcohol. You can overeat or barely eat on most days.

* You are fixated in a routine even if it doesn’t serve you. You may overwork ( work long hours) or ( spend a lot of time on school work). You may put off parts of your routine that help you ( exercise) or time for self improvement.

* You are disorganized, misplacing items and losing things easily, you would rather act smarter, than actually focus on gaining the knowledge.

* You only help others when it’s something in it for you. You’re self-serving to your own interests.

🦜Taurus Rising:

Healthy

* You care a lot about your presentation. But you like to keep it simple and blend-in, not stand-out. You keep your hygiene routine simple, you may follow trendy fashion or use products that you’ve seen recommended online. You get inspiration looking at Pinterest or IG for your looks.

* You like to eat a well-balanced meal, but you’re either at that new aesthetic restaurant or ordering on DoorDash. If you cook at home you’re looking up Tik Tok recipes or using a recipe app you found.

* Your routine is focused on balancing your social life with work and routine. You’ll hang out with a friend quickly. You’ll spend a portion of your day having good conversations, laughing, and catching up. You’ll go around town doing fun things and keep yourself entertained.

* You enjoy learning new things and feel refreshed by hearing different perspectives. You can listen to podcast, read books, or spend time on YouTube.

* You enjoy fashion, home decor, looking at places you can travel, and finding new things to buy.

* You like to keep your day light-hearted and you enjoy being in aesthetic places. You might feel inclined to date or to hang with your partner.

Unhealthy

* You can feel very insecure and feel that you can’t dress yourself without an inspiration or copying someone else. You may spend an excessive amount of money trying to impress people with your style. You may feel you always have to dress to impress even when it’s not comfortable.

* You’re conscious about your image so you either restrict your eat, or skip meals. You can end up only eating socially, like eating out once a day or ordering food only for dinner. With the influence of Venus you could eat just to eat and be a glutton or binge eater.

* Your routine is all over the place. You’re too focused on pleasing other people or doing favors for other people, you don’t have time for yourself. You can be too focused on relationship where you’re always with your partner with no space or you constantly need the validation of a friend.

* You can get into a lot of debates and tense conversations due to talking about your perspectives with others especially when there are differences.

* Your focus on leisure and fun to escape your responsibilities can lead to procrastination and putting yourself in unnecessary binds.

* You can be superficial. You might go out just to post an IG picture or to flaunt. You might date just to avoid feeling lonely.

🧠Gemini Rising:

Healthy

* You need space to yourself. You wake-up and provide yourself a private self-care routine. You have a set routine that you do that makes you feel confident and poised.

* You focus on the health routine that helps your ultimate goal. If you’re into gaining weight and building muscle you stick to a diet that allows you gain weight in a healthy way. If you’re into losing weight you and being lean you stick a diet that allows you to lose weight. If you’re trying to maintain your weight you make sure to eat a balanced diet.

* Your routine is very driven, you feel motivated and focused, your priorities, responsibilities, and work will be your main focus and you are working towards an overarching goal to succeed in these areas.

* You have tenacity and always are accomplishing things.

* You love to know the deeper aspects of life. You are on Google a lot. You are trying to figure out how things works.

* You are passionate and want to spend time with your partner, friends, and associates doing things that excite you.

Unhealthy

* You wake-up preoccupied with too much, you don’t have time to yourself. You don’t carve space out to yourself and you wake-up feeling negative. You may end up oversleeping or waking up in a rush because you don’t want to get up.

* You either forget to eat and have periods where you don’t eat enough and you are surviving off of a little food or you on the other extreme or overeating.

* You can be overly concerned with your image and succeeding, so you can be manipulative and do things underhandedly. You can try to get ahead and be selfish in how you move in your routine.

* You may go after your goals, get them, and feel unfulfilled. You don’t enjoy your accomplishments and don’t feel proud.

* You are suspicious and have trust issues. You may be only interested in learning things if it serves you to feel better.

* You are possessive and manipulative. You try to control your friends, partners, and associates and do dangerous things.

🌊Cancer Rising:

Healthy

* You enjoy trying new things in your routine. You like to try new hair products, make-up products, skin care products, etc.

* You enjoy a diverse pallet, you find that you enjoy trying new restaurants and cuisines, you may find cooking exciting, you try different diets to help improve your heath.

* You are flexible in your routine, you like exciting activities, having fun, venturing out, trying new spots. You like your work, school, and responsibilities to be flexible and give you time to explore and do other things.

* You seek to understand life more. You may enjoy reading or understanding the different ways of life. You may be particularly interested in learning, but you may find that self-guided learning is better for you.

* You have a positive mindset and usually like to give yourself and other people pep-talks. You talk to your friends and give them helpful advice and allow them to see a different perspective or bigger picture.

* You have a big personality so could spend time on social media, on the phone talking, you can also like shopping or going out to eat.

* You want to have fun in your days so doing anything to have fun makes your day.

Unhealthy

* You can buy a bunch of products for hygiene that you never use. You may find that you spend so much money on hygiene products, always finding something that interests you and not putting use to them.

* You overeat, always want to go out to eat, love sweets and keeps eating even after full.

* You can feel confined by routine and may feel the need to always do something different, you hate boredom so your routine may at times lead to doing things to escape boredom and monotony.

* You can get very down and lose a lot of hope. This can lead to an excessive amount of negativity and complaining. You may get blunt and reckless in how you speak,saying hurtful comments in these moments.

* You can talk too much about others and be overly opinionated of their lives and decisions which can cause you to gossip. You can spend money excessively and always eat out.

* You can be irresponsible and focused on your own pursuit of fulfillment causing recklessness.

✨Leo Rising:

Healthy

* You like to present yourself as a powerful person. You wear clothing that commands your presence. You keep up on your hygiene so that you come off clean. You have a set routine with your hygiene that you don’t change much.

* You can be a picky eater, mainly because you like to truly enjoy the comfort and pleasure of eating, yet you have your restrictions. You like to be disciplined in your diet to maintain your health and body.

* You are routine and your focus is usually on work, school, and your responsibilities. You can be into hard work or work that makes you feel accomplished. You enjoy taking on tasks and pursuing your goals.

* You can be very focused on success or being the best at what you do, though you may not outwardly show it, you are constantly strive to prove yourself in your daily routine.

* You can be focused on maintaining your image, you may hang out with friends, but you’re selective who you give your time to, you like to be around people who are respected, powerful, good-getters, or successful. You feel empowered by their drive and you often are forging connections for better opportunities.

* You are family oriented so you check on your family, hang-out with them, you can be around your close friends a lot.

Unhealthy

* You feel weak and disempowered, to compensate you overly focus on your physical image, often times commanding presence through showy ways. You can be more engaged with your image than an actual grounded hygiene routine.

* You can be a restrictive in eating often starving yourself or not properly nourishing your vessel. You can be more focused on looking a certain way than your actual health. You can also be prone to overeating especially in privacy, you might eat a lot.

* You work too much for sake of proving your worth. You take life too serious and don’t engage in fun activities. If you do have time outside of seriousness you can be prone to addiction or doing things to cope with your heavy feelings.

* You can step over other people to get what you want. You can be selfish and cold at times trying to attain the things you want or based off of self-pursuit.

* You can be superficial and more focused on hanging around people that gives you a sense of validation or worth. You can be socially pretentious and superficial. You can also be mean and judgmental.

* You can have a lot of power struggles in your family and you can also be very private and closed off from family and only go around them when you need something.

🛀🏾Virgo Rising:

Healthy

* You have an eccentric or popularized approach to hygiene, could either be into natural (holistic) hygienic products or you could use popular hygiene products from major known companies. You can be routine with your hygiene but have moments where you switch up your routine to explore new options.

* You have comfort foods that you eat routinely, but you can enjoy foods that others don’t. And you’re more likely to try different foods, you may even try an alternative diet to explore eating differently ( eating different cuisines, vegan or vegetarian, fruitarian, eating health and superfoods).

* You can be very routine and focused on long-term goals and practical aspects of your day, but you also have this side of you who wants to be free and live unconventionally. Could have a different sleep schedule, pursue unconventional hobbies, or hang-out and do things with weird, odd people or groups.

* You’re very into varied topics, you can also be always on your phone on social media. You could be interested in pursuing a certain alternative lifestyle or in unconventional ways of life. You may have bursts of time where you work, go to school, and handle your responsibilities and then periods where you’re not working as much and exploring other options for fulfillment.

* You can be very focused on bigger ideals so you spend a good portion of your day in your head, coming up with future plans, and planning upcoming things you want to do. You could also be apart of a class, group, organization, or community.

* You can be very friendly and enjoy talking to all different kinds of people especially discussing your lifestyle, identity, and your ideals.

* You can be a bit eccentric and do things spontaneously at times, especially when craving a change.

* Your routine changes a lot and you like to hang around your friends a lot. Together you have come up with progressive idea and learn new things.

Unhealthy

* You could have odd ways to your hygiene. Sometimes you can omit certain things from your hygiene stubbornly even when it helps. You can sometimes have a very erratic routine, missing showers, not properly taking care of your teeth or neglecting skin care.

* You can have an eating disorder or have a strange way to eating. Eating at 3 in the morning or not eating for long periods then eating a lot. You may have a very weird diet.

* You can neglect work and important aspects to focus on bigger ideals. Potentially staying on your phone during work or breaking the rules at work ( taking longer breaks, taking shortcuts) you can sometimes act in rebellious ways and go against the norm. You may get into it with people you live.

* You can find it hard to blend in your environments which makes you at times problematic at work, school, or at home. You can sometimes get into altercations randomly and surprisingly.

* You may get absorbed in the wrong group of friends and do unlawful, bad, or inappropriate things. May struggle to separate yourself from groups and to spend time alone, so you’re constantly seeking excitement socially and do not give enough attention to important matters.

* Your daily routines can clash with your family, partner, or living situation. You may do things that make others angry or feel unsettled.

💄Libra Rising:

Healthy

* You can have a very magical hygiene routine. You can be sensitive and have to use special or gentle products. You could like to make your hygiene experience magical, enchanting, and relaxing.

* You like to eat by yourself or with a loved one. You enjoy the aesthetic of food, you love to eat meals appealing to your senses, that smell delicious, look delicious, and creative foods. You might enjoy dining out at nice, relaxing restaurants that are aesthetic.

* You prefer a more free-flowing routine that allows you room for rest and time to get be creative and explore hobbies. You may need a nap after work or school and time to decompress to yourself. Spending the evening with friends and loved ones. You may not want to be preoccupied with school and work outside of it unless needed.

* Your imagination is vivid so your routine always has to have a touch of fantasy or enjoyment. A spiritual routine, a routine related to your hobby, a routine related to relaxing. You might even have time to yourself to reflect on your day through journaling.

* You have a lot of esoteric and creative interests. You may spend time looking up things to do, places to go, hobbies to learn, looking for your soulmate, or finding ways to connect more to yourself.

* You can be very giving to those in your life and your routine involves being supportive of your friends, partner, and family.

Unhealthy

* You can feel overwhelmed quickly and may not give adequate time to a hygiene routine. You may neglect self-care leading to unhygienic practices or a lack of care for your physical image.

* You can be prone to emotional eating especially when feeling down and overwhelmed you may indulge in sweet food or food that is delicious. You can find yourself ordering food from the comfort of your home, feeling unmotivated to cook.

* You procrastinate on work, school, and responsibilities which can make you fall behind at work, school and on meeting your responsibilities. To decompress from the stress you can become overly dependent on other people, substances, or neglecting responsibilities for more enjoyable activities.

* You can avoid any reflection or self-care routine and go to what gives you instant gratification or pleasure. You can also isolate and detach from people when overwhelmed.

* You become obsessed with your relationships and a need for love. You can sacrifice a lot of who you are, merely to please those around you and keep the peace. Can find yourself over invested in your relationships.

* You can be very escapist with life’s issues and choose to drink, use substances, isolate, dig your heels deeply into your interests and creative pursuits, and sleep.

🌚Scorpio Rising:

Healthy

* You feel energized towards your hygiene routine. You stick to a simple routine that you can do in a timely manner. You focus on the important things and enjoy wearing comfortable clothing that boosts your confidence.

* You like to eat food that energizes you, you go for lighter meals when you want to get up and go. You stay hydrated and after you eat your meals prefer to move around, do activity, or clean.

* You aren’t one for routines as much as doing what you have to do and enjoying the free time in your schedule to do something fun. You enjoy exploring your passions, going out, and accomplishing tasks. You feel very driven towards these things and like to act.

* Getting things done is important, as much as having time to do whatever you would like. The quicker you handle your responsibilities, the more time you feel free. You value your time.

* You like to do things your good at, so you may focus on improving a skill or building your confidence. You can also enjoy getting inspiration online through Pinterest, Tik Tok, Tumblr, or IG.

* You can enjoy personal time in your day to be in your own energy away from others. In those time you may think about your goals, priorities, and current focuses.

* You can be the one to initiate plans to hang-out with others , friends, partners, family. You may also be interested in dating and getting to know people.

Unhealthy

* You can lack vigor and feel unmotivated when it comes to your hygiene routine. You rush through self-care time, skipping steps that can improve your confidence and help you to feel better in your skin. You aim to leave out and do other things than self-care.

* You eat food fast, not savoring the moment. It’s just another part of your day. You can eat food that makes you feel lethargic, depleting your energy. You may find that after eating you don’t want to do anything and feel lazy.

* You want free time even when there are responsibilities and priorities so you procrastinate, hoping to execute the tasks last minute ( because you can do it fast).

* You may waste a lot of your time doing things for your own pleasure or desires, ignoring others and their needs and desires around you.

* You get stuck at the inspiration stage, scrolling through social media but too scattered brain to follow through on tasks.

* Your desire for alone time might lead to neglecting relationships or plans so that you can focus more on what you want. It can lead to conflict with people who want more time from you.

* You may aggressively push your desires onto other people. You can use other people to do things you may not want to do alone.

😜Sagittarius Rising

Healthy

* Your hygiene routine is focused on products that make you feel beautiful, smell good, and are pleasing to your senses. You take your time with your hygiene routine, longer showers, sitting doing your makeup. You like to pamper yourself like you’re at an at home spa.

* You enjoy cooking food at home. You love to prepare meals or to follow recipe/cook books. You get satisfaction from a balanced home cooked meal. Occasionally, you treat yourself to good tasting food from delivery or at a restaurant.

* You like to have a steady routine, can be into slow living or just very particular when it comes to your routine because you want to make the most of your day. Can incorporate creativity, beauty, and love in your everyday routines.

* You can focus on work, but you do enjoy leisure time. For you it’s a balance of achieving career, school, and responsibilities, with enjoying the benefits, rewards, and pleasure of life.

* You have a slow way of savoring the day, enjoying each moment, practicing mindfulness. You can feel connected to Mother Nature and earth by going outside for a simple nature walk or being surrounded by the elements comforts you.

* You enjoy those close to you. Your circle of people is the ones you trust and who have earned their spot through the test of time. You communicate and make plans to see your friends, partner, family, or even go on dates in moderation.

Unhealthy

* You procrastinate with your hygiene routine and may find yourself skipping important steps or too lazy to do things. Sometimes skipping showers, not staying on top of your dental hygiene. You can be too lazy and unmotivated to bother with self-care.

* You overindulge in foods to comfort yourself. You lean too much on sweet, savory, and home cooked meals. You can at times get lazy with cooking and putting thought in your meal and go for convenience or eat out a lot.

* You can lean towards procrastination and too focused on relaxing and feeling comfortable. It can make it so you do things last minute in an effort to focus on the things you love or enjoy.

* You can switch between being fixated on school, work, responsibilities and then switch to focusing a lot on your creative hobbies, chill time, and pleasure. You may lose balance of effectively doing both.

* You can become very routine and fixated in whatever you’re doing which leaves little room for grounding yourself in nature. Your lack of nature, fresh air, and plants makes you feel ungrounded and easily frustrated.

* You keep people in your life for the superficial image and do not have a strong, healthy connection. You can keep your anger in until you explode or have very tense moments with your friends, family, and partner. You may become overly focused on dating and pleasure as a way to feel a void.

📚Capricorn Rising:

Healthy

* You have a unique and refreshing hygiene routine. You can be into understanding the product and finding products that align with what you personally enjoy hygienically.

* You have a lot of flexibility in your diet, but you’re often doing something to give yourself a break; fasting, no carbs, fruit cleanse, no sugar, or just eating more whole foods.

* You allow yourself to shift your routine especially because you find you need space to socialize and plunge into your interests. You can be bothered with a fixed routine, you need room for exploration.

* You find that everyday is a mental adventure. You oftentimes have a lot of interests,hobbies, or fascinations.

* You love to talk whether on the phone, through text, at work, or in class. Engaging in conversations, debates, talks, or dialogue is integral to your routine.

* Your schedule changes a lot as you find more opportunities within work, school, or your responsibilities.

Unhealthy

* You are always in a rush and on the go. You may find that you could careless about a hygiene routine or give it very little time and energy.

* You stick to quick and easy meals, sometimes losing focus to eat truly nourishing meal. Could survive off of snacks or one meal a day. Losing weight unintentionally.

* You can have a very hard time focusing and being productive. It’s like your attention is everywhere and no where at the same time. Sometimes simple tasks take way longer than if you just could focus.

* You can find that your desire and need for stimulation turns you into a dopamine addict or someone who does a lot of different things for the thrill of it. A lot of unfinished projects, ideas, and responsibilities.

* You can be detached and have times where you’re social and outgoing and then off to yourself and easily irritable.

* Your life becomes quickly unstable and you may find that you holding onto things proves difficult ( missed opportunities, losing a job, falling behind in school, running into financial struggles).

🤔Aquarius Rising:

Healthy

* Your hygiene routine is centered around how you feel, you choose what is your most important needs and desires based on your attitude for the day. If you feel a bit upset, you make sure to go slow and do something to make you smile.

* You eat food that reminds you of home, comforting foods, traditional foods, foods that make you feel warm, cozy, and filled. You stay hydrated and present when eating.

* You have a routine that includes time to yourself away from the world. Those are the moments you watch your favorite movie, show, journal, read a book, or do something to relax and feel cozy.

* You care a lot about your work, school, responsibilities and want to be invested in it. Work to you is another home and you make friends with your co-workers. You like to feel that work is meaningful, so you always have work goals or are striving for better.

* You like to hang-out with friends, loved ones, a partner, or someone you considered close and special to you. Involving someone that you care about is essential to your well-being and allows you to feel loved and supported.

* Your day is a cozy vibe where you want to feel that you’re connected to what you do. You enjoy the simple aspects of life and enjoy romanticizing your day.

Unhealthy

* In an effort to show up for work, school, or your responsibilities and being tired from your giving nature. You do not put effort into your hygiene routine which leads to a lazy look or feeling less confident.

* You may lean towards emotional eating, barely eating under stress, fatigue, or depression or overeating under these states.

* You are plagued with duties, responsibilities, work, and school and you have no time for yourself. You end up falling asleep in an attempt to take some time for yourself.

* Work, school, and your responsibilities become overwhelming for you. They create an imbalance in your life and you may feel taken advantage of, used, or burnout fairly easy.

* You isolate to yourself a lot in your own world. You crave connection but you may feel uneasy or distrustful. You may feel more protected off on your own.

* Your day feels heavy and you feel detached from all that you do. Your routine makes you feel depressed and it creates an unmotivated and moody personality.

🎨Pisces Rising:

Healthy

* You enjoy a routine that is creative. A lot of color or products in your hygiene routine that resonated with you by advertising, color, or the ability to improve your confidence. Your confidence is exuded in how much you invest in your hygiene routine.

* You’re someone who likes to make sure your body looks beautiful. You like to balance fun and pleasure, with health. You’re taking your supplements and staying hydrated.

* You like to enjoy your day especially when it comes to having fun, you’re always carving out time for your social life but also to do things that make you happy.

* You are someone who romanticizes life and you take true pride in those that are close to you. Loyalty means a lot to you and you invest in those that are loyal to you.

* You enjoy the finer things in life, shopping, eating out, meeting with friends, going out to places that offer entertainment.

* You take part in going towards your goals of what success is. You feel the need to continue on a path that you see working for yourself or turning into something that can make you feel excited, seen, and respected.

Unhealthy

* Your lack of confidence leads to you dulling down your hygiene routine. You feel like your creativity is diminished and do what you think others expect of you. Limiting the possibility of feeling good because you’re trying to maintain a certain image.

* Food is a source of pleasure for you, so you eat out of boredom or for fun. If not eating to eat ( not properly balancing your diet), you are starving yourself to maintain a physique.

* You’re all play and can find it hard to deal with work, school, or responsibilities. This makes you come off as irresponsible or only focused on fun and enjoyment. This can also lead to procrastination.

* You feel either inferior or superior to those around you, so the relationships in your life can be strained or stagnant causing you to utilize them only out of convenience.

* You overspend on the non-practical items of life always looking to be entertained. You keep going broke and feeling miserable.

* You can be very focused on success in societal standards leaving you feeling empty chasing dreams and goals that don’t align with your true purpose.

[jinhyun]

—sugar rush.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: angst, fluff, pining, non-idol au, best friend’s brother au

word count: 7.4k

summary: hyunjin’s heart had been broken by you more than once, and still, he refused to let you go through your own heartbreak alone.

warnings: many mentions of heartbreak, break up, breakdown, and a small mention of weight loss (because of heartbreak).

author’s note: she’s here! tbh i didn’t plan for it to be this long, i wanted to lightly mention hyunjin’s past heartbreaks but once i started writing i couldn’t stop lol. i hope this gives you guys some more insight on their story and feelings. if anyone casually comes across this one shot, it is part four of my social media au “heart out”. i hope you all enjoy! don’t forget to reblog and/or leave a comment if you do<3

The first time Hyunjin saw you, he was only seventeen.

Yeji was in her second year of university and was still living at their family home. She would often tell them about her best friend she made back in first year, and she must’ve shown them one or two pictures at some point, yet for some reason Hyunjin never really got interested enough to actually pay attention — being too busy trying to achieve good grades in the classes he was struggling with the most. After all, after that year he would only have one more to make it to a good university and live up to his parents’ expectations, since his older sister had made it to one of the best universities in Seoul and they were expecting just the same from him.

So, when Yeji called their mother one day and asked if her best friend could stay with them that weekend since she wasn’t from Seoul and was having a few issues with her dorm, Hyunjin didn’t think much of it. If anything, he had rolled his eyes over the thought of having to hide in his room and not being able to raid the kitchen whenever he wanted, not to run into his sister’s stranger friend.

But then you crossed the door later that night, with a shy smile curving up your lips as you introduced yourself to all three of them and thanked them for allowing you to stay the weekend, and suddenly he felt like wanting to raid the kitchen every five minutes that weekend, just in hopes of running into you and getting a glimpse of your face.

One look at you was all it took for him to get the biggest crush on someone yet, and one single weekend into meeting you was all it took for him to know that the immediate infatuation he felt towards you would only grow from then on.

Now, being only three months away from turning twenty four, he could only give his seventeen year old self a pat on the shoulder because of how well he had judged the future of his feelings for you. That, and to comfort his younger self as well, because, God, nothing could have prepared him for what was about to come his way.

Six years had passed in the blink of an eye since then, and here he was, still loving you from the sidelines.

And in those six years of loving you, he had experienced heartbreak three times. All three of them, by you.

You, who didn’t even know he had feelings for you.

You, who didn’t see him as anything other than Yeji’s little brother — not to say your little brother.

You, who had grown closer to him at one point, only to pull away when you fell for someone else.

Hyunjin wasn’t stupid, he knew how the world and feelings worked. He knew a twenty year old wouldn’t fall for a seventeen year old who was in his second to last year of high school — at least not a sane one, and you were very much sane, he found out right away.

Then again, although not stupid, he was still naive. Which is why he believed everything would change when he turned nineteen and became legal.

He spent his last two years of high school focusing on his studies, not even looking at his classmates or at any other girl at school.

He would only see you from time to time, whenever Yeji invited you over, which wasn’t that often given the two of you would much rather hang out alone at your dorm. Most of the news he got from you were because he asked Yeji about you, or, if he was lucky enough, because his parents asked about you when he just happened to be there.

He would also often find himself going through your social media in hopes of you having posted a picture that showed your face. And, sometimes, he would be brave enough to comment on your posts — just casual little comments that would leave him smiling for the rest of the day whenever you replied.

You didn’t interact much back then, and he was okay with it. Granted, he wished you talked more, and he really fucking wished he got to see you more often, but he could deal with it, because once he entered university and turned nineteen, everything would change.

But then, by the time he was nineteen, you were about to turn twenty two. He was only starting university, and you were already in your last year of it.

He refused to let go of the small pinch of hope he still had in him, however. He had made it to your and Yeji’s university, after all, and although he didn’t choose your same career path, he would use being in the same campus to his advantage.

He started by asking for your help regarding small assignments. Whether they were actually hard or easy as hell, risking looking dumb to you, he would reach out and ask for your help. Getting a simple explanation that wouldn’t take you longer than two minutes would make his entire day. You never judged him when it came to ‘dumb questions’, and sometimes, if he was lucky enough and you had some time in your hands, you would take him for coffee — the intention being to properly help him out with his assignments, yet most of the time it would turn out in the two of you just hanging out and having a good time together.

Then, deciding the few times you got to hang out at a café weren’t enough, Hyunjin became more straightforward. He realised there were days you would stay at the library while Yeji went home, as she found studying at home to be more productive, unlike you, and it so conveniently aligned with the days his schedule ended the latest. He used to despise that one last class with a passion, until he found out you were at campus alone by then. So, he took it upon himself to text you as soon as the class ended, asking if you were done and offering to walk you to your dorm.

At first you hesitated, not wanting to take up even more of his commute time, since you lived on campus and he didn’t, but after a couple of times it became your thing, to the point Hyunjin wouldn’t even text you beforehand anymore and would straight up head over to the library; whether to pick you up as you were already placing your books inside your bag, or to sit down next to you and do whatever —mainly staring at you without you noticing— while he waited for you to be done.

Sometimes he would have lunch with you and Yeji. It wasn’t very usual, since he did have his own group of friends, but there were times when he felt like spending some extra time with you, and his sister being there was a good excuse to do so without seeming too clingy.

Some days you would text back and forth. Some others you would text him something that reminded you of him and vice versa. And some others you wouldn’t text at all, but he would find a way to see you.

Before he knew it, Hyunjin grew used to talking to you every single day. And he was okay with it, because by then it had already become natural and you seemed to enjoy his company just as much as he enjoyed yours.

He didn’t get into the same university as you and Yeji just to be with you, of course, but fuck, was he over the moon now that he had multiple excuses to hang out with you.

He wanted to believe that you were at least beginning to move past the innocent image you had of him — the one of him being Yeji’s little brother, and therefore needing protection. He made himself believe that deep down you were starting to feel something for him, even if you didn’t notice. And he was willing to make you notice.

But then the second semester came, and halfway through it he felt you slip away.

Hyunjin didn’t know when or why you stopped hanging out, but he hardly got to see you anymore.

He didn’t think much of it at first. Your schedules were very different now, and he thought that was the reason. You were on your last semester and your times just didn’t coincide like they used to. Simple as that.

You still helped him out whenever he came to you with questions regarding one of his classes, you still smiled ever so sweetly whenever you saw him, you still reached out to check up on him.

But you wouldn’t wait for him to walk you home anymore, and you wouldn’t really text that much either — your conversations going from texting each other the most random of things throughout the day, to you only answering his questions regarding his classes, which, to be honest, were only Hyunjin’s miserable attempts to initiate small talk. You just didn’t seem to check your chats anymore, which he found to be quite odd considering that, whenever he saw you, you would be staring at your phone with the biggest of smiles as you typed away.

It wasn’t until Yeji slipped up one evening, when their parents asked about you at dinner, that he found out the reason behind your sudden distance from him and the giddy smiles you’d get by looking at your phone.

“I haven’t seen Y/N around in a while,” their mother brought up. “How’s she been?”

“Oh, she’s doing well. Just… a bit busy, I guess” Yeji replied, taking a small bite of her food.

“You should invite her over for dinner this weekend” their dad proposed this time. “We were thinking of having a barbecue”.

“I think she’s going out with Mingyu on Saturday” Yeji tilted her head, pensively — completely oblivious to the way Hyunjin had just frozen next to her. “Maybe she could come over on Sunday for lunch? I need to hear all the details about her date after all”.

Clunk!

Everyone turned to Hyunjin, who remained frozen still, yet the metal spoon he had previously been holding in his hand was now laying on the floor, having slipped from his fingers the moment the word ‘date’ had made it past Yeji’s lips.

He quickly picked it up and placed it back on the table. Everyone went back to their previous conversation, like nothing happened. Like his heart didn’t feel like every single inch of it was being pierced right through.

You were seeing someone.

He was in love with you. He was finally of age and somewhat in the same stage in life as you. He was doing everything in his power to get closer to you and eventually win you over.

And you were seeing someone.

That night, Hyunjin went to sleep with a heavy chest and a buzzing head. Unable to understand why it hurt so much and why it wouldn’t go away.

It was later that month, on new year’s eve more specifically, that he finally knew what the heavy chest and the annoying pinch in his heart were hinting at.

“Y/N isn’t coming this year?” He asked his sister when he finally got the courage to, impatiently staring at the clock on the kitchen wall that pointed at the numbers 22:56.

“Oh my God, no, I forgot to tell you” Yeji laughed, placing her drink down on the table. “Mingyu asked her to be his girlfriend today. More like last night, but it was already past midn—”

Everything else after that was muffled by the sound of his heart breaking.

The sound inside his chest was so clear to him, so deafening, followed by an ache a hundred times more painful than the one he felt when he found out that you were merely seeing someone, that there wasn’t any room for him to ponder what it was that he was feeling.

Heartbreak. It was clear as day.

Agonizing, infernal heartbreak.

That night, it was followed by quiet tears, as he lied alone in bed and welcomed the new year with a broken heart.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

The second heartbreak came a year and a half later, when he was torn between trying his best to move on and still not letting go of the nearly gone hope of the two of you being together at some point.

You and Yeji were in her room, and he was downstairs helping their mother set up the table for dinner.

He was trying his best to ignore the fact that you were there. He wasn’t ignoring you, of course — he could never. But you being there made him unable to focus on anything else, and he needed to focus on literally anything else but you.

Ever since you and Mingyu became official, you hardly ever interacted anymore. All his attempts during his first year of uni seemed pointless by then, long forgotten. He ignored the reason, but he guessed it had to do with you only making time for your boyfriend now. As far as he knew, the only two friends you actually made an effort to keep contact with were Yeji and Chan — all the rest, he had not heard from since a while ago. Then again, it wasn’t like you talked that much anymore for him to actually know anything about your life other than the bits he’d get from Yeji whenever she either slipped up in front of him or straight up gushed to him about you.

So, it wasn’t hard to understand that he’d be a little uneasy, jumpy even, whenever you visited.

And it wouldn’t take a genius either to imagine how much he dreaded the moment his mother asked him to go up to his sister’s bedroom and call the both of you to go downstairs for dinner.

But orders were orders, and so he made his way to the second floor, dragging his feet all the way up the stairs.

Before he could reach the last stair, however, he heard your voice coming out of Yeji’s room, being followed by his sister’s laugh as the two of you were now apparently standing in the hallway, about to make your way downstairs before he could tell you to.

He thought of just turning around and heading back into the kitchen, since he could only guess you were heading over there and therefore he didn’t need to tell you to anymore, but the words he heard coming from your mouth made him stand still in his place.

“Honestly, I can’t believe he took me to his hometown and I met his family already. They’re all so nice it felt like a dream” you beamed.

“Kinda makes you want to become a part of it?” Yeji teased you.

“Yeah…” your voice came out rather shy, and Hyunjin could tell you were smiling. “I barely talk to my family and they were so welcoming it made me feel at home. I don’t know, Yeji, I’m so in love with him and meeting his family made me realise how bad I want him to father my children”.

Hyunjin wanted to leave. He didn’t want to hear anymore. But his feet betrayed him.

“Yeah, let’s get some financial stability before that, shall we?” Yeji chuckled, footsteps sounding closer and closer to him.

“Shut up” you laughed. “Not now of course, but Mingyu’s it for me, I’m sure”.

Move. Hwang Hyunjin, leave.

“I guess I’m waiting for my invitation to your wedding then?”

You don’t wanna hear it. Move!

“Oh, I’m definitely marrying him one day” you giggled. “And you’ll be on bridesmaid duty, so if anything you’ll be the one helping me with the invitations”.

There it was again, the unbearable pain in his chest again.

If he were holding a spoon again, he would’ve dropped it all the way down the stairs by now. Hell, he felt like he could fall down the stairs anytime by now, as his knees felt like they were about to give up any second.

“Oh?” Yeji’s voice brought him back to his senses when it was too late for him to escape — the two of you now right in front of him, as he was blocking the way. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just coming up to call you guys downstairs” he replied in a heartbeat, not sure how he managed to speak without his voice breaking. “Dinner’s ready”.

Yeji nodded, giving you a quick glance before Hyunjin squeezed against the wall so he could make some room for the two of you to start walking down the stairs.

“Aren’t you coming?” You asked him, turning around midway, when Yeji was already on the first floor and you realised Hyunjin wasn’t moving at all.

“Uh, yeah” he managed to blurt out. “Just… need to get something from my room first. I’ll go right down”.

You nodded, sensing something was wrong, yet not finding it in you to ask him what it was.

This heartbreak was somehow worse than the first one, Hyunjin decided once in his room. First, he couldn’t cry and let it out until he fell asleep, managing to keep it from everyone else like he did back then, for his parents, his sister and you were waiting downstairs for him, and he was sure his mum would burst into his room within the next five minutes if he wasn’t with them by then. And, second, it felt final. The first heartbreak came when you started dating someone else, but this one was because you decided you had found your person, the very one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and it wasn’t him.

A few hot tears rolled down his face, and he harshly wiped them off before taking a deep breath and making his way back down, not ready at all to face you of all people, yet knowing well enough there was no hiding this time.

The rest of the evening was a blur to him. The only thing he remembered was remaining silent and hardly touching his food, later excusing himself when he felt like he couldn’t take it anymore, like he would break down right then and there if he stayed one more second in your presence, and then nothing.

A blur.

Any small glimpse of hope he managed to keep that past year and a half was now gone.

He couldn’t afford to be torn between moving on and waiting for you anymore, because you had made your choice, and it wasn’t him. It would never be him.

Your heart belonged to Mingyu, and he would have to finally come to terms with it.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Two other years had passed since Hyunjin decided to move on from you for good, and still, he was hardly there just yet.

He wanted to believe he was over you. He told everyone —that being Han and Minho, the only ones who knew he ever had feelings for you— that he was over you. But deep down, he knew he wasn’t.

In those two years, he tried to give relationships a try. Both times, unsuccessful — because no matter how much he progressed, any time he saw you, he would go right back to stage one.

His first girlfriend was Seoyun, a girl he met through a dating app. Not his proudest moment, but he needed to get over you and he needed to get over you fast. His intention was to go for something casual. Just date, date and date, as many people as he could, until he could finally move on from you; but he soon realised that casual flings just weren’t for him. If he wanted to stop loving you, he needed to love someone else, and Seoyun seemed like the best candidate for it.

They lasted three months, and although he tried his best, he couldn’t fall for her. Not in the way he fell for you. Definitely not in the way you had fallen for Mingyu, who was still getting all your devoted love as you seemed to be happier together by the day.

His second girlfriend was Nara, a girl from his calculus class. This time, she chased after him, and after a while he figured why not give her a chance. His feelings for you weren’t lessening any more and neither were yours for Mingyu, so he needed someone to help him get rid of them.

He realised it was unfair to her, but he tried. Just like with Seoyun, he really tried to love her. She was great. She was pretty, she was funny, and she was head over heels for him. She met you outside his family home one day when you and his sister were visiting and you loved her, to the point of proposing a ‘triple date’, including Chan and Yeji, since they were just then beginning to date. Yeji met her too, of course, and loved her as well.

And yet, he, the one person who so desperately needed to love her, couldn’t.

He was actually sure the day you met Nara was the moment he realised it wasn’t working out and it would never work out — when you proposed a triple date and he could only think of how fucking much it would hurt to sit there and watch you be all lovey dovey with your boyfriend, while his own girlfriend was right there with him.

They had recently turned five months together when it happened, and that was as much as it lasted.

Hyunjin gave up on dating entirely after that, at least until he could get one hundred percent over you. He couldn’t just try and —unsuccessfully— force himself to love someone else while he still loved you, for in the end he’d only end up using them for his own benefit, and he hated himself for it.

He could only put his faith in time now. People always said that time heals it all, and he was really counting on it to let go of you.

But then time passed and instead of it healing his heart, it broke yours.

You and Mingyu broke up overnight, and although Hyunjin should’ve been hopeful, happy even, over the news, he realised his lingering feelings for you were very much alive when, to his own surprise, he felt his heart break for a third time.

He was at Yeji’s that evening — being too bored at his shared place with Han, he decided to annoy his sister for a while and be bored at hers instead.

Hyunjin was looking for a snack in her kitchen, when a knock on the door caught his attention. He wondered whether he should ignore it since Yeji was taking a shower and he most definitely didn’t want to deal with strangers right then, but ultimately he walked over to it and looked through the peephole when the knocks became louder, only to see you on the other side of it.

The smile that formed on his face at the simple sight of you was gone the moment he opened the door and took in how miserable you looked.

If that alone told him something was wrong, when you didn’t perk up like you always did whenever you saw him and barely even acknowledged him as you made your way inside, he knew you weren’t thinking straight right then.

“Um… are you okay?” He carefully asked, closing the door behind him as he turned to you.

“Is Yeji home?” You asked instead, voice breaking as you looked around in search of your friend.

Hyunjin nodded. “She’s taking a shower. Shouldn’t take long”.

You nodded, and although you said nothing, the way your chest heavily moved up and down told him you were hyperventilating.

“Y/N…” he called you quietly, almost scared to ask. “Are you okay?”

Again, you said nothing.

“Do you need anything?” He came closer to you.

You shook your head no, blinking rapidly. “Yeji. I need Yeji”.

“Okay, okay…” he said as tenderly as he could. “She’s coming, just—“

“Can you tell her to hurry up? I’m just…” you took a deep, shaky breath; one that made him instantly alert over how clear it was you were finding it hard to breathe. He panicked when you grabbed your chest. “Oh, God, I’m—”

“Hey, I’m here” he said, grabbing your hands and holding them tight as ever. “What happened? Tell me what’s wrong”.

He could see it in your eyes that you wanted to tell him, but although you opened your mouth to let him know what was wrong, no sound came out of it and you ended up just closing it again.

You weren’t able to speak, so he did it for you.

“Did something happen with Mingyu?” He sounded almost scared to ask.

That seemed to hit the nail on the head.

You looked up at him, and he could only grow worried, infuriated, over all kinds of thoughts that ran through his head the moment your eyes welled up with tears.

“Did he do something to you?!”

Your bottom lip quivered.

The first tear fell.

“Hyunie…”

Then you broke down.

Burying your face in his chest, you tugged tightly at his hoodie as you finally let yourself go.

Although stunned and still trying to comprehend the whole situation, Hyunjin didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, scared you’d collapse anytime by then.

It wasn’t like any other cry he’d heard before.

This was different. Your sobs sounded like you were in excruciating pain, like it was hard to breathe, and your chest trembling against his own with every cry of yours felt like it was being ripped open from the inside.

He could only hold you closer, somehow trying to ground you, but it was of no use.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” he repeated over and over, almost inaudibly under your sobs.

You tried to speak, either to explain what happened or to simply let it all out, but you couldn’t.

You were choking on your own words, and Hyunjin felt his own eyes well up with tears as he hurt for you and felt hopeless as ever, being able to do nothing else but run his hand up and down your back in a poor attempt to soothe you.

When your cries wouldn’t stop after a minute, he whispered a small ‘come here’ before he gently guided you towards the sofa. Slowly, not to break away from your hold, he managed to sit both of you down on it.

Your face instinctively moved up from his chest to the crook of his neck, where you hid it as you tried to calm down your sobs — finding comfort in his familiar sweet scent and in the gentle touch of his fingers running through your hair.

“What did he do?” He asked when your sobs seemed to quiet down.

You shook your head no, tugging harder at the fabric of his hoodie.

“Y/N, please…” he begged, pulling you slightly away, only enough to look into your reddened eyes. “I need to know what he did so I can do something about it”.

“You c-can do nothing about it, b-because it was his—his choice” you sniffled.

“What do you mean?”

Your bottom lip trembled, and for a moment there he regretted asking you that. But he needed to know.

Then, you took a deep breath, opening your mouth for a second and then closing it — the words you were about to say being harder to voice out than you expected.

“He left me,” you spoke in a whisper after a few seconds, and Hyunjin felt his world stop. “He d-doesn’t love me anymore. He loves her. He left me for her, for the one girl I—”

You choked on your own words once more, being unable to speak over your sobs anymore, and so he just pulled you back to his chest, allowing you to just cry until you let it all out.

He hoped you couldn’t feel his blood boiling, because he was seeing red right then.

How dare he break your heart? How fucking dare he leave you for someone else?

He had been wishing to be in Mingyu’s shoes for years now, and he, who had you all to himself in every single way Hyunjin ever wished to, didn’t feel like it anymore?

For years he had unsuccessfully been trying to stop loving you because he knew he couldn’t have you, and Mingyu, the one who had you, stopped loving you? Just like that? Because of someone else?

Who could even fucking compare to you?!

“What happened?!” Yeji bursted into the living room, snapping him out of his thoughts — only a towel covering her poorly dried body and her wet hair leaving a trail of drops behind her. “I heard—”

Hyunjin motioned for her to keep quiet, silently letting her know that he got you and she could go change before coming back to comfort you. It seemed like it would be a long night after all, and neither of them were getting any sleep until you were better.

Many times he had wished Mingyu and you would break up, but not like this. Not with you feeling so worthless and taking the worst part of it.

Not with you feeling the same kind of pain he had felt two times by now, and making him feel it a third time while at it. Because seeing the person he loved with all his being in so much pain, could only break his heart all over again.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

After that night, Hyunjin felt himself grow protective over you.

So, the moment he read your texts, the very ones that mentioned ‘Mingyu’, ‘spamming’ and ‘losing it’ in the span of three paragraphs, he knew he was coming to you. Now more than ever, when your two best friends were out of town and he was pretty much the only person left you had.

His mind was filled with the night you broke down in his arms, and he’d be damned if you ever broke down just like that again and he wasn’t there to hold you.

He knew what the past few months had been like for you, he had been there through it all. From the weeks you isolated yourself and lost weight due to the lack of appetite you experienced through your slump, to your self-loathing ways and your complete loss of self-confidence when it came to showing yourself to the world and comparing yourself to everyone else. Because one thing was to be broken up with, and a very different one was to be left for someone else.

He, Yeji and Chan had been there for you through it all, trying their best to bring you back up and finally feeling like they were succeeding at it.

He felt nauseous over the simple thought of you crumbling down all over again, all because Mingyu decided it would be appropriate to text you regarding your relationship after he was the one to break your heart in the first place.

Therefore, Hyunjin only felt like he could breathe when you were in front of him, having opened the door not even five seconds after he knocked on it, and you looked okay. Not perfect, as the red shade in your eyes and nose let him know you had indeed cried a few minutes ago, but okay regardless. Better than you were the last time you lost it over your ex.

“You okay?” He asked tenderly, entering your place when you moved aside to invite him in.

You nodded, closing the door behind you and waiting for him to take off his shoes before guiding him to the living room, where he found a red blanket lying on your couch and the third season of Attack on Titan playing on the TV in front of it — as expected.

“You really didn’t have to come, Hyunie…” you mumbled. “Talking on the phone would’ve done it, I didn’t mean to bother you”.

“Will you just… stop saying you’re a bother?” He couldn’t help but sound annoyed. “You’re not”.

“But—”

“You’re not a bother, Y/N. I wanted to come here. I want to be here, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, I just…” he sighed, coming closer to you. “You really worried me”.

“Sor—”

“And don’t you dare say sorry for worrying me” he warned you with a taunting smirk this time.

The corners of your mouth curved up at that, shaking your head in amusement before you quietly motioned for him to sit down on the couch.

Hyunjin didn’t wait to do as told, making the blanket aside so he wouldn’t sit on it, and revealing your phone under it for a moment before you took a seat next to him.

“Has he texted you anymore?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“No,” your answer gave him some peace of mind. “I said I’d block him otherwise, so he hasn’t insisted”.

Hyunjin opened his mouth to say something, but ultimately remained quiet. Still, you had managed to notice and didn’t let it slip.

“What?”

“Nothing” he shook his head.

“You were about to say something”.

“I just,” he shrugged. “Thought he’d be already blocked by now”.

You smiled weakly, grabbing your phone and placing it on your coffee table. “It’s delusional, isn’t it?” Your eyes fixed back on him. “I told him the only reason I haven’t blocked him is because we both work for the same company, but honestly I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it”.

“It’s not delusional…” he fidgeted with the ends of your blanket. “It hasn’t been that long since you guys broke up after all”.

“I know… but given the way he left me and how I’ve seen him and Hayun together at work multiple times, I feel like I should hate him, or at least not love him anymore”.

“Oh…” he lowered his head, hurting at the idea of you still loving your ex. “So you’re still…”

“I’m trying not to,” you confessed — just like Hyunjin, refusing to say it out loud. “It’s just hard, but I’ll get there at some point”.

He nodded. “I can only imagine how hard must it be…”

“Was it hard for you?”

“Huh?”

“With Nara,” you clarified. “Getting over her…”

“Oh,” he bit his lip. “Not really…”

“It wasn’t?” You tilted your head in surprise.

He shrugged. “We only lasted five months…”

“Which is a lot?!”

He smiled bittersweetly. Sure, maybe to some people it was a lot, but it was nothing compared to the six years he had been in love with you.

Your question was being asked about the wrong person, because getting over Nara wasn’t hard at all, given the fact that he was never in love with her to begin with. Getting over you, however? Fuck, there was nothing harder than that.

He could only hope and pray that wouldn’t be the case for you with Mingyu.

“We ended it on good terms” he let you know. “We just weren’t working out. It was for the best, so there wasn’t much grieving, if I’m honest”.

“Hm…” you quietly lamented, staring down at your lap. “I mean, I’m glad you didn’t have a hard time moving on from her, but I guess I can’t ask you for tips on how to move on from someone now”.

He laughed under his breath. Honestly, he sucked at moving on. He was the last person you should come to for advice.

“I guess not… sorry” he apologized. “Time’s supposed to heal it all, though”.

Didn’t work for him so far, but he knew it was the case for most people. Hopefully it would be the case for you.

You chuckled. “Yeah, so I’ve heard. I would just like to speed the process”.

“You’ll get there eventually, don’t push yourself too hard” he offered a comforting smile. “I’m sure going zero contact and blocking him would help, though”.

This time, you couldn’t hold back a throaty laugh that had him quietly joining you right after. “You really hate his ass, don’t you?”

“I’m just saying…” he shrugged once again, trying to act nonchalant, yet failing miserably at erasing the smile curving up his lips. “What happened today wouldn’t have happened if he was blocked”.

“That’s a good point” you agreed.

“What did he even text you for again?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “He just wanted to check up on me, or so he said”.

Hyunjin shook his head in disappointment. “Sounds to me like he just wants to keep you in line”.

“What do you mean?” Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Why text you the day before your anniversary? Why now?” He wondered. “It’s like he wants you to think about it and dwell on it. Like he wanted you to be upset so he could comfort you about it”.

You remained silent for a few seconds, carefully taking in his words.

“I want to believe he isn’t that much of an asshole…”

Hyunjin snorted, shaking his head once again, but this time in amusement. “He’s proved himself to be one more than once by now”.

“Yeah, I know…” you mumbled. “I just don’t get why he’d want to keep me in line now that he’s with her. I mean, he literally left me for her, and she’s so fucking pretty, I…”

“You’re prettier”.

Your eyes shot up to meet his, and he caught a small sparkle appearing in them before you shook it off and decided to joke about it. “Yeji really trained you well for this weekend, huh?”

“No, I mean it”.

“You haven’t even seen Hayun”.

“I have, though?” His eyebrows furrowed. He was there when you’d cry and show Yeji pictures of the girl Mingyu left you for, feeling his blood boil while at it. “She’s got nothing on you, you’re way prettier than her”.

“Hyunjin…”

“I’m serious, Y/N” he stood his ground. “It sucks that you feel inferior to her just because she’s with him, because honestly you’re a thousand times better. And considering she literally came in between your relationship with Mingyu, she’s ugly and unattractive as hell on the inside while you’re beautiful inside and out, so…”

To say you were speechless was an understatement. He was speechless as well, not having planned to go off like that, yet being unable to hear you bring yourself down once again when you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

For a moment there, he feared his feelings for you had been left out in the open for you to realise.

He was lucky you were dense as a brick and still somewhat emotionally unavailable to even think something of it.

“Wow, um…” you brought your hands up to cup your face, suddenly feeling hot. “My cheeks are burning, so I guess that’s enough break up talk for now”.

Although you were avoiding the topic, Hyunjin smiled, lowering his head to hold back a small giggle that threatened to come out of his mouth. He made you feel flustered, that was enough for him to be on cloud nine.

You stood up almost in a rush, looking for the remote before placing it on his lap for him to grab. “Why don’t you look for the summer camp arc while I go make us some tea instead?”

“Are you sure you want to switch to Haikyuu when Levi’s about to get more screen time?” He teased, knowing well enough that you, just like his sister, were a Levi girl.

Snorting at his remark, you motioned for him to go on with your previous order. “I have so many edits of my man saved, I can just look at him whenever”.

Hyunjin chuckled, shaking his head amusedly as he complied with your wishes and exited Attack on Titan to look for Haikyuu instead.

“Plus, Haikyuu’s got Kenma in it, so…”

“He’s a high school student” he pointed out.

“Are you calling me a cradle-snatcher?” You raised a questioning eyebrow.

This time, Hyunjin couldn’t hold back a giggle, finding the way your voice turned a pitch higher in offense to be a little too cute. “Your words, not mine”.

“Mind you, he’s a ‘95 liner” you pointed out, only managing to make him laugh harder. “He’s even older than me!”

“I didn’t even say anything” Hyunjin held both his hands up in defense, failing once more at trying to erase his smile.

God, you looked so cute right then, he couldn’t even be mad over the fact that you didn’t seem to fall for younger guys when it came to fiction either.

“We can skip on the tea if you want, so you can see your man sooner” he taunted, pressing play on the second season before you could leave the room.

Jaw dropping in both amusement and offense, you squinted your eyes at him. “You know, I was bringing you those cookies you love so much with it, but I’m not anymore”.

“The chocolate chip ones you make?” His head snapped back towards you.

“Mhm… I made a whole batch yesterday” you nodded, not missing the way his eyes lit up with excitement. “But you don’t deserve them anymore”.

“You’re not serious”.

“Oh, but I am” you smiled cynically, turning your back to him as you made your way to the kitchen. “Just stay there, I won’t take long”.

“No way, I’m coming with you” he stated, already following hot on your heels. “Those are my favourites, I’m not leaving until I’ve tried them”.

You chuckled, feeling him stand behind you while you turned on the kettle. “I guess I’ve got no choice then, because I don’t have a spare bed for you to sleep on”.

“I can always just crash on your couch, but I would appreciate not having to and getting to try your cookies instead”.

You laughed wholeheartedly, gently shoving him towards the cabinet. “Just go grab a plate, you dork”.

Doing as told, he couldn’t help but steal a glance at you and feel his heart finally be at ease, now that a genuine smile was plastered on your face and your eyes were no longer reddened and tired like they were when he just arrived, but smiling and playful instead. All thanks to him.

And one hour later, when your red blanket was being shared and covering your legs as the two of you sat down on your sofa, and your head was hovering over his shoulder and lightly tapping on it every five seconds, given you were miserably fighting against dozing off while looking at the TV, Hyunjin wished he hadn’t tried your cookies at all, so he’d have an excuse to keep his threatening words and not leave until he did.

He hoped you wouldn’t bring up how late it was and make him leave just yet.

He hoped you would just fall asleep on his shoulder and let him enjoy your closeness for a little bit.

Most of all, he hoped one day he would be able to come over late at night —or at any given hour— just because, not only because you needed him to and because his sister wasn’t in Seoul; and you would deliberately rest your head on his shoulder when you felt your eyelids become too heavy, and he wouldn’t have to wake you up once it got too late and it was time for him to leave, because he wouldn’t have to leave.

But for now, he would let you sleep for as long as he could without falling asleep as well, which wouldn’t be hard, considering he didn’t feel a single pinch of sleepiness as he rejoiced in the coincidental warmth of your body against his.

And if you happened to realise how wide awake he was once you woke up, he would blame it all on the sugar rush he got from all the cookies he munched on while being too immersed in the series.

Using yet another small excuse to be close to you wouldn’t hurt.

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[justyn1]

The Spycrab. Why does it exist?

What is a Spycrab?

A Spycrab is an iconic animation bug for the Spy from Team Fortress 2. This bug was introduced since the game’s launch in 2007 and still exists today!

This post will cover on what causes this bug happen, how to fix it, and why it SHOULDN’T be fixed.

Debugging the Spycrab

First we need to know how do you become a Spycrab in TF2. To become a Spycrab the player have to pull out the disguise kit, crouch, look up, then start moving in any direction.

This give us a clue on what’s going on. The issue is related to looking around while crouching with the Spy’s disguise kit. We can take a look at how Valve setup the Spy’s animations since they provided the model sources in the Source SDK. Let’s take a look at spy_movement.qci since that’s where they handle all of the animations related to moving around. From this point I will refer the disguise kit as PDA since that’s what it called in the sources. Looking at the entry for Crouch_PDA and Crouch_Walk_PDA everything seems to be written correctly. Theres nothing wrong with the code itself

Line 15: $sequence Crouch_PDA PDA_crouch_idle loop alignto a_reference addlayer PDA_aimmatrix_crouch_idle activity ACT_MP_CROUCH_PDA 1

Line 424: $MPCrouchWalkWithWeapon Crouch_Walk_PDA 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 PDA_crouch_walkN PDA_crouch_walkCenter PDA_aimmatrix_crouch_idle ACT_MP_CROUCHWALK_PDA $infoNode$  

This means that the issue is coming from one of the animations itself. Lets load up the PDA crouch animations in SFM and compare with the normal stand up animations.

Everything looks fine however there’s something odd with the pda_aimmatrix_crouch_idle animation. It’s in a different pose entirely! To summarize what a aim matrix do, the animator put the character in various poses mimicking that the character is looking around. The game will take those poses and blend between them depending on what direction the player is looking. Generally you don’t want to stray way from the idle pose too much since it can cause potential problems when blending between various poses at once.

With closer inspection, it seems the pda_aimmatrix_crouch_idle animation is actually an early version of the spy’s knife aim matrix animation. Here’s both aim matrices side by side.

The Fix

Now knowing that the bug is created by accidentally exporting another aim matrix animation for the wrong weapon. The fix is actually very simple! Without touching the animation files itself. We can go into the spy_movement.qci and replace any mention of pda_aimmatrix_crouch_idle with pda_aimmatrix_idle and that’s it! Compiling spy_animations.qc and loading up TF2 we will see the Spycrab no longer works.

But should this bug really be fixed?

This is the part where I tell you that the Spycrab bug should never be fixed in TF2. Even though this bug was stemmed from a mistake and it’s pretty simple to fix. This bug should never be fixed purely because it’s very important for the game’s history and community. After this bug was discovered and popularized back in 2008. It spawns plenty of memes within the community and in-game references from community cosmetics and unusuals, an official rare taunt for the disguise kit, warpaints, and a poster from the map Carnival of Carnage a Halloween reskin of Doomsday.

Hopefully this post provide some interesting insight on how this iconic bug was created and the process of debugging animations in Source Engine!