#notfar

[kyledefoor]

3 sets of 10 rds from 50 yds standing and concealed…….all splits are sub 2 seconds…..stoked about this with irons (the CS continues to impress)……got most students hitting A and C from 50. #notfar #defoor #pistol #defoorproformanceshooting #speed #accuracy #defoorproformanceshooting #kd4 https://www.instagram.com/p/CpD61nzueGF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[christinamac1]

Turkey's Akkuyu nuclear power plant - a useless and dangerous prestige project?

This nuclear power plant is also being built in the earthquake zone. Notfar from the earthquake region in southern Turkey, President Erdoğan’sgovernment is currently building a nuclear power plant with Russian help.Critics speak of a useless and dangerous prestige project. Der Spiegel 7th Feb…

[thetoxicgamer]

WoW Dragonflight Patch Adjusts Raid Trinkets and Mythic+ Affixes

In response to player feedback for the first Dragonflight raid in the MMORPG, Blizzard has made some significant modifications to raid trinkets in the most recent WoW Dragonflight patch 10.0.2 hotfixes. The patch also contains adjustments to the thunderous affix for Mythic+ raiding, corrections for the WoW Dragonflight professions, and a number of balance adjustments for dungeons and raids. Most notable is probably the changes to raid trinkets. Blizzard says that it is “happy with how trinkets and itemization is working out in Vault of the Incarnates” but that the team “wanted to take the time to address some outliers, some bugs, and some vocal feedback.” Five trinkets are being changed up, as Blizzard says it wanted to adjust these things quickly to avoid player troubles with trading and assigning loot. Whispering Incarnate Icon’s allied buffs no longer require you to be in a party, while Desperate Invoker’s Codex, Iceblood Deathsnare, and Spiteful Storm all get buffs. Finally, Rumbling Ruby has been adjusted to resolve an issue where its shockwaves weren’t affecting exceptionally large targets. The Thundering affix for Mythic+ now has new visual indicators, and it should no longer interrupt eating and drinking. As for dungeons and raids generally, the most notable changes are to the Vault of the Incarnates Primal Council and the fight against Advisor Melandrus in the Court of Stars. Both have seen adjustments (to Conductive Mark in the first instance, and Slicing Maelstrom in the second) to help normalise damage and make the encounter feel more fair while still challenging. There are quite a few fixes to professions, with Alchemy, Enchanting, Herbalism, Jewelcrafting, and Mining all seeing tweaks. Furthermore, you now once again have the option to skip some profession quests if you have already done them on another character by talking to Haephesta. WoW Dragonflight hotfixes – January 4, 2023 Classes - Paladin: Fixed an issue causing Divine Toll to sometimes cast the incorrect spell. - Rogue: Fixed an issue that caused Grappling Hook to break Stealth when talented into Subterfuge. Creatures and NPCs - Seltherex in Valdrakken now sells Orboreal Distinguishment (5 Marks of Honor) for 2000 Honor. - Fixed an issue where Notfar the Unbearable did not reward players for defeating him. Dragonriding - Fixed an error that could sometimes occur when taking off. Dungeons and Raids Azure Vaults - Telash Greywing: Fixed an issue where using an immunity on Icy Devastator would cause the next Frost Bomb to happen sooner. Brakenhide Hollow - Fixed an issue where Gashtooth would cast Marked for Butchery on pets. This should now correctly only target players. Court of Stars - Advisor Melandrus: Fixed an issue that caused the images of Melandrus to inflict more damage than intended with Slicing Maelstrom. The damage of Slicing Maelstrom is now normalized across all enemies in the encounter and has been adjusted to compensate. - Advisor Melandrus: Increased the unavoidable damage effect of Slicing Maelstrom by 20%. - Advisor Melandrus: Reduced the additional damage of Slicing Maelstrom to players within 7 yards by 30%. The Nokhud Offensive - Fixed an issue causing Iron Stampede to hit players beside or behind Balakar Khan. Ruby Life Pools - Hunters’ Wailing Arrow should no longer interrupt Melidrussa Chillworn’s Frost Overload through her absorb shield. Vault of the Incarnates - The Primal Council: Conductive Mark has some harsh overlaps with other spells. These casts are getting pushed back by 2-3 seconds depending on difficulty to keep an exciting challenge, but one that feels fair and expected for the position of this fight in the raid. Mythic+ - Updated the visual indicators used for the Thundering affix. - Thundering should no longer interrupt eating and drinking. - Halls of Valor: Players teleporting to the Fields of the Eternal Hunt are no longer affected by Quaking. - Odyn: Players pulled by Radiant Tempest are no longer affected by Quaking. Items and Rewards - Fixed an issue where Blazebinder’s Hoof would not trigger off certain melee attacks. Raid Trinkets Desperate Invoker’s Codex - Lowered the amount of self-damage the player takes on-use by 20%. - Fixed an issue where players could gain stacks of Hatred outside of combat. Iceblood Deathsnare - On-Use damage increased by 30%, damage increased for the on-hit effect by 50%. Rumbling Ruby - Fixed an issue where the damaging shockwaves weren’t hitting exceptionally large targets. Spiteful Storm - Damage increased by 15%. - Fixed an issue where certain Raid Bosses could have their Spiteful Storm progress reset during their encounters. - Fixed an issue where Spiteful Storm could stack out of combat. Whispering Incarnate Icon - Allied buffs no longer require you to be in a Party. Professions - The option to skip some of the profession quests if you have already done them on another character by talking to Haephesta has been re-enabled. Alchemy - Potion Cauldron of Power (Quality 3) now correctly has 120 charges instead of 80. - Fleeting Elemental Potions of Power (all qualities) are now Limit 40 (up from 20) and no longer Bind on Pickup. Fleeting Elemental Potions of Ultimate Power remain unchanged. Enchanting - The Enchanting formulas Illusion: Primal Frost, Air, Fire, and Earth were inadvertently bind on pickup. They have been changed to unbound so they may freely be traded and sold on the auction house. Herbalism - Mastering the Elements (40) should now correctly increase the amount of Rousing Essence gained from elemental herbs. Jewelcrafting - Glassware (10) should now correctly reduce the cooldown of Gem Hoard crafts. Mining - Mastering the Elements (50) should now correctly grant random Rousing Essences upon Overloading. In addition, the amount has been increased from 1 to 2-3 to be closer in value to Herbalism’s equivalent capstone. The tooltip will be corrected in a future patch. Quests - Fixed an issue where “Aiding the Accord: The Hunt is On” was not always granting quest credit when completing a Grand Hunt. For past hotfix notes, you can check the WoW hotfixes page. WoW Dragonflight has already pushed Blizzard’s tumultuous MMO back to relevance, with our WoW Dragonflight review calling it “a step in the right direction” and Twitch streamer Eiya telling PCGamesN that Dragonflight feels “truly free to enjoy it how we want.” WoW Dragonflight patch 10.0.5 is currently in PTR testing and looks to have some notable changes, including the welcome ability to transmog white and grey items. Take a look at our WoW Dragonflight tier list for the best classes in World of Warcraft right now, along with our guide to the best WoW addons. If you’re just getting started in the Dragon Isles, maximise your WoW Dragonflight leveling experience with our comprehensive guide. Read the full article

[barkingbarkingbarking]

*CHASECHASECHASECHASECHASE... NOTFAR!CHOMPCHOMP*

*FETCHFETCHFETCHFETCHFETCH*

!!!!! BARK!!!! :)

*DROPWAGWAGWAGWAG*

*SNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFFSNIFF*

*Altair was just nodding off until they heard something. At least they could have sworn they did. But regardless they perked up and looked for the sound.*

Huh?

[pncrealty]

Yes! It sad when they sign and then later find Later the Child is NOT Theirs! They MUST Pay Child Support while the Biological Father walks away Free! #LetsBeFair #DNA #MenHaveRightsToo #Daddy #BloodTest #Men #Boys #NotFar #Accountability #Biological #Nrws #Law #Mandatory https://www.instagram.com/p/ChxCxCZA1n5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[acaministry]

#acaministry #everyoneofus #notfar #jesusnotfar YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/acaministrysulanagar Facebook: @acaministry Twitter: @acaministry Instagram: @acaministry ఆయన మనలో ఎవనికిని దూరముగా ఉండువాడు కాడు. Acts 17: 27 He be not far from every one of us: #ChristianVerses #Bibleverses #BibledailyVerses #acaministry #acachurch #dailybibleverses #bible #biblequotes #biblewords #telugubibleverses #telugubible #englishbibleverses #englishverses https://www.instagram.com/p/CVebt7yoYtg/?utm_medium=tumblr

[totalmtb]

#nocar #nognar #notfar and a nice clean bike. Loving this spring sunshine. See you on the other side peeps and please #visitwaleslater . @ty_beic . . . . #TotalMTB #LetsAllRide . Go follow @Total.Rider #TotalRider . Our new jersey is now available and for just £29!!! . Visit our website for discount codes, up to 20% off on big brands! . We also have a range of apparel available for men, women and kids! . . Follow, like and tag us in your MTB photos on Twitter and Facebook for a share! YouTube: TotalMTB Twitter: @TotalMTB_ Facebook: /TotalMTB Strava Club: /total-mtb . Main Partners @EBWatches @Veloforte @SpengleCarbon @Steadyrack @SquirtCyclingProducts_UK @JeJamesCycles @LEMHelmets @IGL_Coatings_UK @Etnies @OspreyEurope @AssSavers @DialledMedia . #mtb #mountainbike #bike #downhillmtb #downhillmountainbiking #downhillbiking #bikepark #instabike #bikestagram #bikeride #cycling #itsaboutmtb #badassmtnbikes #bikestable #stravacycling #mtbmag #gopro #goprouk #bikeporn #mtbporn #cyclinglife #freeride #outsideisfree https://www.instagram.com/p/B_RVq3BnNr6/?igshid=1hyitj9jh0lr6

[adventureaday]

Today started with another earthquake 😯. And then snow ❄️. And then some sun, flowers and baby ducklings. 🌸 Spring in Utah I guess. 🤷🏽‍♀️. . . . #spring #ducklings #theplacesyoullgo #notfar #neighborhoodstroll https://www.instagram.com/p/B_ERIrOBD3J00lH0qWJO5SXFD7-zi4B48RjcWo0/?igshid=ngf503xs7xnq

[snappergeoff]

Went out for a bimble so I took the analogue bike. The last rays felt and looked great. - - - - - - - - - #mountainbike #mtb #offroad #nognar #notfar #outside #outdoors #headspace #makingsense #beatsnut #bossnut #custom #sundowner #goldenhour #exercise https://www.instagram.com/p/B-h67T9FJKf/?igshid=726bvzyywthg

[fat-lisa]

Been a while since I wore these shoes! Had an impromptu 6 weeks off thanks to my body breaking, but now I'm back baby! Now, can I get back to half marathon fitness in 6 and a half weeks ready for the first race I've got my eye on for the year? Also, I asked the hubs to get me a diary for the year, and this is what he came back with. Not complaining, but I do still need a diary. #running #brokenbody #notfar #butitsastart https://www.instagram.com/p/B61HuLIlWsR/?igshid=y937tq37xzuw

[jazzyssexyvibes]

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT HELPED ME HERE 😍💜 I BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN SHADDOW BANNED... SO I CAN ONLY TRY WHAT I HAVE READ TO TRY AND GET OFF IT AND THAT MEANS...NO POSTING...NO HASHTAGS....NO LIKES...NO COMMENTS & NO FOLLOWING 🤬🤬🤬🤬 PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME...IM NOT IGNORING YOU... I WILL BE BACK...SEE YOU REAL SOON 🌹😈⛓💋 . jazzyssexyvibes.com🇦🇺 . #seeyousoon😘 #bdsmaustralia #onlinesexshopaustralia #bdsmtoys #notfare #shadowbanbegone (at Brisbane, Queenland, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5CHOSChS7q/?igshid=1lv77yqitujfb

[johnmerced32]

Folks actually buy followers on @instagram 🤔 WTF! I do all these videos & can't break the 400 followers when all I needed was $20! Mutherfucker! 😡🤪 Oh well, I'm broke I need that $20 for milk & cereal! 👍 #alwaystheeasyway 👎 #notfare #dosomethingaboutthis #instagraminstascam @worldstar @world @buzzfeed (at Melrose Park, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/johnmerced32/p/BujgcKEgDfo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1hrdugwuewuc

[brishabadd]

🥺💔🤷🏽‍♀️😌 guess it’s time to move around 😩🤪😝😋🤤 i turn lemons into lemonade pooh and shake that bit upppp 🔥🔥🔥 . . . . (SN: Yet he still gone crave me and look for me in these other bitches) #irreplaceable #unfuckwithable #nocompetition #myowncompetition #wherehegoing #notfar #imabigdeal #bella #jewels #artist #musician #lyrical #singer #songwriter #multitalent #spody #antihate #suckafree #dramafree #crazysexycool #fun #talented #chaseabag #runitup #grind #ambition #ambitious #wifey #youwishiwasyourgirl https://www.instagram.com/p/CCjlgqyHP2n/?igshid=q5qavv34kpu1

[rawrtransformations]

.r.ebuild your #perfectlife #it is #uptoyou #powertothepeople it helps me to #getoutside in #freshair #mountainair #squamish #ilivehere #iloveithere #seatosky walk the #estuary in #fallcolors #cloudyday #placetosee #placetomeditate #meditation and #squamishAdventures #bc #westcoastlife #notfar from #vancouver @tourismsquamish https://www.facebook.com/RAWrTransformations/

[0carkki0]

Dead character meme: by EastZombie (deviantArt), Jan 5, 2014, 9:54:42 AM Scraps This is a questionnaire for any character/s that has/have died. You can fill it out with one or more characters, and it should be filled out either by role-playing or by first-person answers. Because I hate writing pronouns to be both singular and plural, the assumption is that there's only person, when this questionnaire could work for more. Enjoy. 1. What is your name? Vivs: Vividatt. Nice to meet you. 2. Alright then. When were you born? Vivs: At Metrica Province Hinterlabs. It is notfar away from Rata Sum, our main city. 3. And when did you die? Vivs: Last year for the last time. I have died two times now. The first time took Place little after the Bloodstone Fen incident, which a year before the last time. 4. Now, for the big question, how did you kick the bucket? Be as explicit as you like. At the first time it was an ability to heal issue. Seliene, a human… friend of mine was there to stop me from becoming the world's nemesis after I... lost my senses to my other personality within my mind. We were both quite exhausted from fighting the whole day and it was time for that final strike. I did manage to destroy her heart, but since she was a Dragonhunter, she was able to keep herself alive till her arrow went through my head. After that I found myself from being judged by the judge of the afterlife. I was just hearing my judgement when the judge stopped judging and then told me that I was being summoned back in Exchange. That's when I woke up with Seliene's dead body in my arms. Second time… was when I faced the God of War and Fire in a battle where I wasn't prepared at all. He was actually just playing with me while we were fighting, and then finally killed me with his greatsword. I... would have stayed dead if it didn't bother me that Auriene, a dragonbaby at the time, had just tried to help me just before I died, and was caught. Well… AFter I came back to well… "life" it was obvious that my body wasn't living in a normal way anymore. It was and Still is in a state that shouldn't be able to live. But here I am. Feeling better than ever. 5. Are you upset about dying, or are you at peace with it? Vivs: I'm more upset by the fact that I had to come back. I knew that I couldn't be at peace knowing that Auriene was caught because of me. Then again, I may have come back as a ghost anyway... 6. If you could miraculously come back to life, would you? Vivs: Of course. First of all I could have progeny of my own, if I found a female asura that shared my views of... life with me. Secondly, the chances to die are higher than they currently are. Thirdly, I could feel pain more clearly. *smile* 7. Now that you’re dead, what do you feel was your greatest achievement in your life? Vivs: So far… Probably killing Mordremoth, an Elder Dragon of Plants and Mind. We had to enter inside of his mind to be able to kill him. ANd uh... kill a friend before Mordremoth took over his mind… 8. And your greatest regret? Vivs: Heh... I have a lot of those, but… the greatest one must be that I never told Taimi how I see her mind. Now… it's too late. I'm dead, sort of... Though, once an elder asura said that if you're able to think, you're alive. If only was really that simple. 9. Is there anything you wish you had done before you died? Anything at all? Vivs: It's my greatest regret. 10. If you could go back and relive one part of your life, would you? And if so, what part would it be and why? Would you do anything differently? Vivs: Ahh… There are so many… Probably that time when Seliene and I were inside my... lab. Let's say it was close I didn't lick her. *grin* 11. Did you have any beliefs regarding the afterlife during your life? If so, were they correct? Vivs: Not really. We have an Access to the Mists where all the deceased go, and thanks to our Gates, living may go too. We also have a lot of information about afterlife inside the Durmand Priory headquarters. … It's an Order I joined around when we were just learning more about the Elder Dragon's circle of life. 12. You can send a written message to one still-living person, who is it and what do you say to them? Vivs: Uhh… I'd rather write that after I was really gone, if you don't mind.   13. If your canon’s version of the afterlife allows it, are you going to be a ghost? Vivs: It might be fun. Going through WALLS... And people… Possessing people. And... I think I know who I would LOVE to possess… *grin* 14. Did you leave any loved ones behind when you died? Vivs: Yes. My friends. My Grandmother. 15. If it’s applicable to your canon’s afterlife, were you reunited with any loved ones when you died? Vivs: Not really. I was chasing after the memories of my life in the Domain of the Lost, before I met with the Judge. He sent me back after I did a little favor for him. 16. Did you have a funeral? If so did you see it? Was it nice? Did the people there serve the glory that is your life justice? Vivs: Well, there was no time for that. It didn't take that long after I was sent back here, but I was glad to see my friends after I awoke… I kind of dislike using that Word nowadays, thanks to Palawa Joko... but my friends were gathered around me and it seemed like they actually were sad that I had died. That little seewtheart Kasmeer Meade even shed tears for me. At least I hope she was crying for me... ^ w ^` 17. If it’s applicable, what happened to your body after you died? Were you buried, cremated, made into pencils, or was your body unrecoverable in some way? Are you an organ donor? Vivs: I have asked to burn my body if I die for good. 18. Was your death expected or unexpected? Vivs: Both. I'm sure Balthazar, the God of War and Fire, was expecting it. Me? No. And I don't think the others did either. 19. If you could go back and prevent yourself from dying, would you? Why or why not? Vivs: Of course. Like I said, I'd rather be alive fully for thereasons I already mentioned. 20. If you could to pick one person to die, and it had to be somebody you knew, would you pick someone? Why or why not? If you do pick someone, who would it be and why? Vivs: Me. For good. I don't like myself. And I'm sure a lot of people would be saved without me. 21. Where did you die? Did you die in a hospital, in an ambulance, in a car, in your sleep, in a factory, in your house, or where? Vivs: Crystal Desert, Elon Riverlands, Skimshallow Cove up at the spire. 22. What was your general goal in life? Vivs: It Still is saving Tyria, and my friends. Though, sometimes I wonder…. 23. Did you achieve it? Vivs: So far we have destroyed an Elder Dragon Zhaitan, Mordremoth and the Rogue God of War Balthazar. And of course the Lich King Tyrant, Palawa Joko. 24. If you were murdered, why did someone murder you and are you angry with your murderer? Did they see justice? Vivs: *remembers the fight with Balthazar* I'd say. 25. If you committed suicide, what drove you to kill yourself? Vivs: … What? Why would you think it was a suicide? It obviously wasn't, since he really wanted to kill me. 26. Are you happy with the live you lived, why or why not? Vivs: Don't you mean life I lived? Yes and no. A lot of mistakes. A lot of friends died. A lot of people saved and friends were made. Still, I'm sure my friends can continue the World saving even if I'm gone. 27. Name at least one thing you wish you did differently. Vivs: The study of the parasite minion. If I knew that THAT was the cause of all this, I never would have tried to summon it. 28. Did you die single or in a relationship? Vivs: *sigh* Single. 29. If you were in a relationship, do you think your significant other will move on? Do you want them to move on? If it’s applicable to your canon’s version of the afterlife, will you move on? Vivs: Of course. It would be unfair and stupid to expect them to stay loyal to me when I can't give progenies. I'm DEAD. My body Works completely differently from that of a living. Including the body liquids. 30. Is there a God? If so, did you meet him/her/it/whatever? Did you think there was a God while you were alive? Was he/she/it/whatever what you were expecting? Vivs: There were GodS. Six of them, actually. Dwayna, Goddess of life and air. Grenth, God of death and ice. Lyssa, Goddess of beauty and water. Melandru, Goddess of nature and earth. Kormir, Goddess of truth and spirit. And lastly Balthazar, God of war and fire. I've seen only two of them, though. Kormir and Blehthazar. Kormir I met when we were looking for ways to stop Balthazar, and that's when she told us that the Gods were all gone. Yep! I did feel a bit like they had like "fuck this shit I'm out" -kind of attitude… They just left. Why? Don't know, but she said that this was our problem to solve, so... we solved it. 31. Was your death significant to your canon’s plot? Vivs: Yes. I met Palawa Joko in afterlife, and I just had to tick him off before I returned. He somehow got free from the prison inside the Domain of the Lost and attacked… Taimi. It was… my fault she got nearly suffocated to death… 32. Was it necessary for your canon’s plot? Vivs: Of cousre! I just can't go on without causing a bit chaos here and there. Well, I suppose the Elonians are now free from the Lich's tyrannical grip, since he's now part of Auriene and her droppings. 33. Do you still have a physical form? If so, do you look the same as you did before you died? Explain any change. Vivs: I used to have very pale skin, but because I died by the God of War and Fire's greatsword, my sking got darker for the burns. My hair also got a little strange color reaction with death and magic... It's now purple, when it used to black. I think it turned white first, but because of the magic it took the color of purple. My heart beats rarely. WHen it does, it tend sto fill my lungs with liquid, which I then puke out. I also am not so sensitive to pain as I was while I was alive. But because of the parasite minion, my uh... greatsword of love is stuck in an erect position. 34. Did you go to another life? Vivs: Sort of. The Mists is a whole other World... 35. Do you think there’s any chance of you being reincarnated? Vivs: Could be. But I don't think that has anything to do with my current situation. 36. If you had the choice of being reincarnated or not, would you take it? Would being able to chose who you’re reincarnated as make a difference in your decision? Vivs: Of course. I would like to be reincarnated as a cat. 37. How long have you been dead for? If you don’t know, try to guess. Vivs: About a year and a half. 38. What is the worst thing you did while you were alive? Vivs: Ayy… Let's see… There's that… and then there's that… It has to be the massacre of asuras inside Rata Sum. 39. What’s the best thing you did? Vivs: Hmm... Killing Zhaitan. It gave hope to many people. 40. If you got to meet one dead famous person, who would it be, and why? Vivs: Easy. Snaff the Master Golemancer. 41. Would you describe dying as a scary experience? Vivs: To me it's like going to carnival. 42. If you had to go back to the land of living, and be alive as yourself again, would you live your life differently? Vivs: Deffinately. I would let someone else be the hero of Tyria, which people apparently call me. 43. Would your views on life change at all? Vivs: They would stay Small, since I wouldn't travel as much as I do now. I just have to go where the next opportunity of dying for good rises. 44. What where your last words? Vivs: If I remember correctly, I said "No, Auriene…" 45. If you could change your last words, would you? If so, to what? Vivs: Probably "BRB". … Be Right Back. 46. Do you have any last words for this questionnaire? Vivs: Don't worry. Being an undead isn't that bad. I can't drown, since I don't need oxygen to stay alive. I do miss the unbearable physical pain, though, and that moment when you can finally urinate after holding in for so long. XP Okay then. Rest in peace. 

I like thinking that he became a scourge after he was killed by Balthazar. X3 Sorry for bad grammar. ^^; I wrote this lateat night right after work. 

[tylerwritez]

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m.  sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

        Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero  cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad.  But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt  justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking  about  random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude