#note from the PR team: it is not often i make such an error. i added an item to the list.

[djgreeniscool]

what notes do you have on dj green?

Interception Authorized by: #########

Hello. This is ######### speaking. I thought I might do #### a favor and take this one. So far, we have determined: -Alien in origin -Despises piracy -Squishy -Silicon based(?) -Possibly very old or immortal (Taught Jimmy Savile how to DJ...?) -Produces corrosive substance that could serve a similar function to tears And not much else.

[what-yadoking-likes]

Oh the irony of me, someone who has yet to own, let alone PLAY Payday 3, doing analysis on this poll...

The winner, with 27.3% of the vote: New Heists (Syntax Error, Boys in Blue, Diamond District, Houston Breakout).

Obviously, we like it when our little game about robbing banks and shooting cops has more maps where we can rob more banks and shoot more cops. The feeling in the community at large was that the 8 heists the game came packaged with at launch were... insufficient. I think no matter how excellent the starting 8 heists could have been, there would have always been a feeling that there just aren't enough heists to launch with.

We all know that Payday 2 received content updates, both paid and free of charge, for many years after its initial launch 11 years ago. At launch, Payday 2 had 12 heists for players to choose from. So from a direct, apples to apples comparison point, Payday 3 had fewer heists at launch. I doubt any of us had honestly expected the total number of heists at launch to even come close to the now more than 70 on offer in Payday 2, given how long it took Starbreeze to get to that figure. But fair to say for the price tag of Payday 3 (base game, not even going into the bronze/silver/gold editions at this stage)... people were rightly not impressed. So, I'm not totally surprised that people are happier now that there are more heists to play.

Taking into account the relaunch-cum-revamp of Murky Station (now renamed Turbid Station) and relaunch-cum-revamp of Cook Off and other heists, we're now up to a total of 14 heists for us to play. It is to be noted that another new heist is coming soon (Fear and Greed, aka the Wall Street heist).

Joint second and third place: Clover returning as a heister, and Operation Medic Bag overall.

The road to Hell is often paved with good intentions. I'm certain no one wanted to release a game that didn't work because of catastrophic server overload and was rammed with bugs and glitches that would take weeks to fix. In a sense, Operation Medic Bag is nothing new. If you've been in this fandom for a long time (@hoxooster I'm looking at you), you'll know there's been no shortage of drama. Console players got straight up abandoned throughout Payday 2's life cycle. If nothing else, the existence of Operation Medic Bag itself is a sign that the devs are actively working on solutions with the intent of implementing these as a priority to improve quality of life in-game, as well as hopefully drawing in new players and giving people who rightly stopped playing the game due to its shoddy launch something to return to.

But. This seemingly benevolent behaviour did not come easily. I remember Almir Listo being kinda... tetchy? On streams when people were making valid complaints. It's gonna sound silly that this is the example I'm gonna use, but it always stuck with me how his reaction to complaints about Hoxton's redesign was 'Well people can get a haircut'.

Like... yeah? We know?? We're not fucking stupid?? But there's a professional way to air that without patronising your player base who, guess what, WANT to play the game you've made! He could've said ANY number of things that would've been better:

"Of course, Hoxton's ponytail is iconic. It's something he's had for many years now and we know fans love it. But with this redesign we wanted to show that the heisters are older, their tastes have changed, they've changed since their retirement." Idk. I'm not a PR person, but sometimes neither is Almir et al.

Those who've been around since Payday 2 may remember the microtransactions/Vlad's Safes fiasco that actually led to Ulf Andersson leaving the company because he was just DONE.

Am I glad for players that Operation Medic Bag exists? Yes.

Do I think a lot of the features that have come about as a result should have been in the game at launch? Yes.

Do I think the devs/PR team could have and should have handled things better in the immediate aftermath of launch day? Absolutely. As an Orthodox Gemini, I neither forgive nor forget easily.

CLOVER'S RETURN!

I am genuinely really happy that this option got 18.2%/joint 2nd place in this poll. I posted before about how disappointed I was that some people were downright entitled and petulant when it was first revealed/leaked that Joy would be returning as a heister, with the addition of Pearl happening simultaneously. The AMOUNT of times I saw people commenting with single words of their fave. Good GOD. I do not suffer people who have been spoiled by their parents and given anything and everything they've ever wanted well at all, and the number of people going JACKET jcket WHERE'S JACKETTTTTT was genuinely so irritating to me.

... So I am pleased to see that so many of you did choose this option. Clover is cool and she offers something a bit different than Joy as a returner - she has history with Hoxton, for example, who was already on the roster as an OG heister. That relationship is interesting - we like it.

I don't know if people also had the upcoming return of Houston to the crew in their minds when they chose this option, but I'd be remiss not to mention the younger Steele brother here. We know he's coming back and he's gonna be playable - we know it's happening very soon.

Do I think they missed a trick by not having him released as an unlockable after playing and completing Houston Breakout? Yes. Yes, I do.

Do I think the reason for his inactivity is a good one? No. No, I do not.

I don't think it's a deal-breaker for anyone at this point. Essentially, Houston is a carrot for Starbreeze to wave in front of their content-parched loyal donkeys - err, fans - to ensure continued player engagement for the foreseeable.

... there is more analysis I want to do, but I'm going to cut this short here - I have been writing and thinking about this for the past 40 minutes or so, and I have other stuff I want to do.

I will come back to this with more thoughts and commentary about the other answer options and comments that people left, which were all really valid and good points that I probably should have thought of myself.

For those of you who have Payday 3 (my current machine is on its last legs and can't run it), & play/have played it tell me: we're approaching 1 year post-launch at this point, so...

Soz if I missed anything, feel free to blast me in the comments.

RBs appreciated for a wider blah blah blah

[arhvste]

☼just until i win☼

WRITTEN CHAPTER - WILL CHECK SPELLING ERRORS LATER

an - the inspo for this chapter was : stay - post malone and a little bit of moral of the story - ashe

big thank you to my pretty and talented wife @totorosleaff​ for the end ;) ily wifey 💕💗💖💘💞✨

soz lol lmao haha

-

atsumu, bokuto and y/n made their way out of the training grounds and through to the back exit where a car was waiting to take them. the head coach had advised the three travel privately to avoid disruption from the public and causing an unneeded scene.

as usual, bokuto was his excitable self chatting to the pair about how excited he way to go into tokyo and get refitted for a new jersey. y/n found herself smiling and listening to the boy patiently, but this didn't stop her from noticing that atsumu had been strangely quiet since he’d come downstairs to meet the pair. usually he’d have comments and contribute to the conversation and usual banter they would usually have, but today he sat quietly and looked bothered by something.

after 15 minutes of talking y/n’s ear off, bokuto had busied himself looking out the window and taking countless photos of himself and the scenery they drove past to send to akaashi. y/n turned to face atsumu who was staring mindlessly in front of him.

“what’s up with you this morning?”

atsumu was brought out of his trance as he turned to face the concerned girl.

“nothin. just tired.”

blunt response. but that's what atsumu was known to be. he never felt the need to beat around the bush, he always got straight to the point and would give blunt answers with no mind of anyone else’s opinion on the matter.

you hummed and studied his face. maybe he was tired, you couldn't say for sure, but even when he genuinely had been in the past he had still managed to seem a bit more optimistic than what he was being today.

deciding to let it go, you pulled out your phone to check through your emails and messages from the PR team and message ICS, the company who provided and sponsored the team for uniform and such, that the three were on their way and would be in their company within the next hour if traffic wasn't heavy.

-

the three arrived at their destination after travelling what felt like hours, but in reality was only an hour and a half. sure, the training grounds were in tokyo but to get to the other side where ICS were based, traffic and routes extended the journey for longer than one would think. 

bokuto had ended up falling asleep, y/n had spent most of her time replying to emails and sending updates of training regimes and schedules back and fourth to iwaizumi and the head coach and atsumu had more a less sulked the whole journey.

“okay you two remember what i said, in and out. got it?”

the two nodded, bokuto showing a lot more energy than atsumu. the three were escorted out of the vehicle and into the back entrance of the ICS head offices. upon entering, the three were greeted by several workers who offered their hospitality and good luck for their upcoming games.

after checking in and being led to a waiting room, the trio let out a sigh of relief upon managing to arrive without any disturbance. 

bokuto insisted he needed to go to the toilet before they got called in to get fitted and was directed down the hall to the closest one. 

the silence between atsumu and y/n was tense and unsettling which was unusual. both obviously wanted to say something to desperately fill the deafening void of silence but neither knew what to say.

“so, oikawa will be back soon huh. guess we’re not going to see you for a bit.”

y/n’s eyes widened slightly. why wouldn't she be seeing her own team for a while just because oikawa was arriving back home.

“no. you’re my main priority right now. i’ll see more of him after the games, i’m a trainer for you not him.”

atsumu tilted his head and turned away for a moment.

you stared at the boy in utter confusion. he had been acting up lately and you hadn't a clue why. osamu’s message about his behaviour had been living rent free in your mind since the night he messaged you privately. the same night atsumu told the group he was making it his own responsibility to look out for y/n.

y/n smiled slightly at the memory. the two would bicker childishly with atsumu refusing to take y/n’s orders seriously and y/n growing tired of his endless teasing, but their friendship was good. they were both open and understanding towards each other just how y/n was with every other msby player on the team. sure, she had been polite to the new players when the 4 black jackals had been scouted to the national team, but y/n had a soft spot for the 4 boys she had been training before teaming up with iwaizumi to take on a national team.

atsumu wasn’t someone who hid his emotions well. he was expressive and didn't care who was around if he wanted to make a scene. he was open and honest and that was something y/n appreciated. she did notice that he’d often struggle to sympathise and comfort others though. he’d prefer not to show his vulnerability and put up a rather bland and tough front to break through at times. after atsumu had declared his views on the whole situation, y/n couldn't help but feel warm inside when atsumu showed he cared. it must've really meant something to him because he wasn’t the type to openly care about things especially not situations like you were currently in. it was nice to know he cared but you were bothered by the fact he felt affected. he shouldn't have to worry about such things when the situation didn't directly concern him.

“you know i’m proud of ya right?”

atsumu mumbled quietly his face still turned away.

“hm?”

“like, you've ‘ad to put up with alotta shit recently and ya still manage to show up and train us everyday and keep us motivated. we’ve never thanked ya for everythin you've done for us n’ no matter what i’m always gonna ‘ave yer back”

once again miya atsumu had left y/n speechless. 

y/n smiled at him as he slowly turned to face her again.

“thanks atsumu, it means a lot. i hope you know how proud i am of all of you individually though, that's why i want to do my best to make sure you can do yours too.”

he gave her a small smile before relaxing back into his chair.

the once heavy silence now lifted as the two of them sat there smiling waiting for the inevitable return of their ace.

-

the rest of the afternoon went by swiftly, none of them had realised they’d ended up spending most of the day in the offices as the process took a little longer than y/n had initially thought. both boys got remeasured and to their satisfaction they had indeed built up more muscle from their intense training causing their new jerseys having to be altered quite a bit from their last ones. after that, they were taken into a studio for updated shots to be taken of them for future reference for if they ever needed any more altercations done in the time to come, lunch was provided for them all as they took a break and another 2 hours was taken up discussing when the jerseys could be collected and y/n had gone to contact iwaizumi to check if any other players needed any extra uniform or anything else sent to them while she was there.

since y/n’s last conversation with atsumu, he’d seemed to have perked up more and was sharing the normal banter he usually would with both bokuto and yourself as they got measured and fitted.

with a final thanks to the team at ICS, the three team japan members were taken back to the car waiting out the back for them. 

despite the fact, all three had spent most of the day out, it hadn’t felt like long. y/n’s body said otherwise though as she found herself feeling slightly drowsy on the ride back to the dorms. atsumu and bokuto looked at each other as y/n leant against the window resting her eyes and tipping between the state of falling asleep and barely staying conscious. 

they had to get y/n back to her apartment for the party oikawa and the others had been planning for her for the past few weeks. 

“hey, you good?”

bokuto tapped y/n gently as he gave her a warm smile to which the girl returned.

“yeah, just a little worn out but i’ll rest a little later. thank you both for being so compliant with myself and the others today, you’re both stars.”

atsumu leant forward so he could look at the fitness trainer.

“could ya repeat that, record it and send it to the group chat, i don't think omi or samu would believe us if we told em you just said that.”

there was the atsumu y/n knew. he had snapped out of whatever mood he had been in recently and completely returned to her now.

she snickered softly and gently flicked his forehead.

“they're just gonna have to take your word for it tsumu.”

and just like that, y/n rested her head back against the window and allowed her eyes to shut for just a few moments. 

wasting no time, bokuto causally took out his phone and turned the brightness down in hopes not to catch y/n’s attention. opening his contacts he dropped a quick text to iwaizumi to let him know the three of them were on their way back and should be arriving within the next 45 minutes at the latest. 

5 minutes later iwaizumi responded thanking him for the update and letting him know more-a-less everything was ready for y/n to return to. they just needed to get her home back to her apartment without raising any suspicion from her. 

-

30 minutes had passed and the car was driving through the now familiar scenes of tokyo y/n, bokuto and atsumu were more used to. y/n had drifted off into a light sleep, bokuto updating Iwaizumi and akaashi every so often and atsumu had been gathering his thoughts while staring out the window. 

the familiar views of certain signs and buildings invaded atsumu’s view as he noted that they were almost back to y/n’s apartment. he nudged bokuto and signalled for him to wake y/n up gently as carrying her to the apartment building was not going to be an option.

“hey y/n, we’re almost back to your apartment.”

bokuto gently shook the peacefully sleeping girl as she began to stir in her sleep.

atsumu watched as y/n rubbed her eyes and gently smiled at the two boys. just seeing her like this made him anxious. y/n was anything but weak but seeing her so gentle and soft made atsumu feel like he had even more reason to make sure she was kept from harm both physically and emotionally. 

as the three grew closer to y/n and iwaizumi’s shared apartment atsmu��s nerves grew a little. y/n had announced she was dating the argentina player almost a year ago now and atsumu had yet to meet him. he had grown close to y/n with her being their athletics trainer for msby. he found himself respecting and trusting the girl as she grew along with the team and he found a comfort in her also announcing that she was going to be working alongside iwaizumi to train the national team he had been scouted for. 

having never met oikawa before, atsumu was skeptical. sure, he’d heard great things about the player from teammates, both athletic trainers and the media, but he needed his own opinion. y/n was someone atsumu cared for even though he wasn't always the most obvious with showing it, he was like that with a lot of people, sakusa included.

y/n was right in pointing out that atsumu was selfish but he always had good intention and she knew it. he was naturally protective and that was his way of showing he cared. sure, it could've been seen as selfish behaviour but to atsumu, his over protectiveness was just his way of showing others that he did in fact care and right now, y/n was the one he felt the need to protect.

he cared for the girl and even though he would never bring himself to admit it out loud, he would always be concerned for her and have her back if she ever needed him, the same way he would for bokuto, hinata and kiyoomi.

-

the car pulled up outside the apartment complex and y/n opened the door to get out. she leaned against the door frame as she attempted to bid both players a goodnight and one last thanks for their cooperation for the day. atsumu got out the car on the other side to which bokuto followed, confusing the girl who had just tried to say goodbye.

“come on y/n, let us take you.”

“are you gonna kidnap me or something?” y/n asked teasingly as bokuto gave her a grin.

“nah, just wanna do one last nice thing for ya tonight.”

y/n smiled and thanked the driver with the two boys following suit as the car drove off. 

“you’ll be good walking back to the dorms right?”

“yeah.” the two players said in unison.

the trio walked into the complex acknowledging the doorman and girl typing away at the front desk. 

taking the elevator up to the top floor to the lavish apartment both athletic trainers shared, the three shared casual banter as they approached the door.

“well, thanks you two, see you both tomorrow yeah?”

y/n went to open her door with neither boys moving. y/n just assumed they wanted to make sure she got in okay before taking their leave.

a little more playing with the keys in the door and y/n managed to swing the door open to her apartment left in darkness. the girl sighed and stepped inside as she went to flick the light switch.

before she could though the lights flashed on by themselves and y/n jumped back slightly.

‘SUPRISE!”

before her were akaashi, kuroo, kenma and a few others from nekoma you recognised, daichi, sugawara and asahi, kiyoko and tanaka had also made an appearance, yahaba, kyotani, matsukawa, hanamaki, sakusa, hinata, osamu and iwaizumi. 

and then she saw him.

tears welled up in her eyes as there stood her boyfriend of over a year.

the man she’d fallen in love with during high school but never bothered confessing to.

the man that had waited until his high school days were over and waited until he was on track for his own goals to confess to her.

the man that had promised her he’d do everything to make their relationship work despite the impossible distance between the two of them.

the man that she’d managed to build a strong relationship with practically through calls and texts.

there stood oikawa tooru.

y/n wasted no time throwing herself into him as she sobbed into his shoulder.

he could only let out a laugh as he let a few of his own tears slip out as he wrapped his arms around her bringing her even closer than before.

“y-you its you -but how? w-when did you get here, why didn't you tell me? fuck tooru, it’s you”

“shhh yeah, i’m here, I've got you yeah? i’m here y/n.”

everyone watched as the couple embraced each other for the first time in months. 

bokuto bounded over to akaashi telling him what a good job he did even though akaashi corrected him saying how it was actually the old aoba johsai third years who planned and got everything together. paying no mind to him, bokuto proceeded to greet others dragging his best friend along with him.

atsumu leaned off the doorframe and made his way inside the spacious apartment nodding a thanks to the others.

osamu made his way over to his brother to greet him properly.

“fitting went well then?”

“yeah.”

“must've taken a while ya didn't stop by.”

“nah we were there all day sorry.”

“don't apologise.”

osamu glanced at his brother who was observing oikawa and y/n.

“you... okay?” osamu cautiously asked his brother not wanting to step over any boundaries and cause a scene in front of everyone.

“still dunno if i can trust him.”

atsumu patted his brothers shoulder not giving him a chance to respond and gave him a small smirk.

“right, lets go greet everyone then, don't wanna seem rude.”

“you already come across rude.”

atsumu only snickered and ushered his brother out of view of the reunited couple and into the crowd of guests who were conversing in excitement.

osamu knew his brothers guard was still up but decided to drop it.

for tonight anyway.

-

the rest of the evening went smoothly with oikawa being able to properly reunite with former rivals and teammates. everyone was sharing past stories about highschool bringing laughter around the complex. 

music was going, lights were dimmed and everyone relaxed themselves and enjoyed the event as this was the first time in a while a gathering so big had happened. even sakusa looked like he was somewhat enjoying himself.

y/n hardly left tooru that night. he clung to her an equal amount. the two practically inseparable but that was to be expected after all. 

oikawa had his arm wrapped around y/n for majority of the evening and she found herself savouring the physical affection she’d been deprived of for months.

3 hours in and everyone had all caught up with each other for the most part. the party was still in full swing as everyone had a good time.

y/n and oikawa softly swaying to the sound of the music in the background as they let themselves fall into their own little world.

“i still can't believe you’re here.”

“i still can't believe it either.” oikawa sighed as he pressed a soft kiss to his girlfriends head.

“y/n look at me for a second.”

the girl looked up to look at her boyfriends now serious face.

“i know we won't get to spend too much time together, not until after the games anyway, but now that i’m here i hope you know i have every intention to give you all the affection you should've received over the months. i’ve missed you a stupid amount and i can't even tell you how happy i am right now.”

for the second time that night, tears pooled in y/n’s eyes as she threw her arms around her boyfriend.

“i love you tooru.” she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

that was enough for the boy to throw his arms tightly around y/n’s shoulders and pull her into him.

nothing could've ruined the night.

in that moment everything was right in the world.

the peaceful sanctuary y/n had been craving lately had finally returned back into her arms and she couldn't be happier.

everything was finally falling into place.

but being in your own world will stop you from noticing your surroundings and whats anyone else is doing.

one mistake was all it took and y/n and oikawa were going to suffer at the hands of the people who they’d been doing their best to avoid for months on end.

the media.

-

-

just until i win

oikawa tooru x reader

masterlist

part 15 - lets go to tokyo!

part 16 - suprise

part 17 - aftermath

-

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[doktorpeace]

🖊 please introduce us to Erato, I know they're in a masks campaign but I have no idea what else

Oh, gosh, I feel like I talk about them too much as is but I can’t say I’m not glad to have the excuse. This is gonna be really long cause tbh I’m just gonna dump like, a bunch of their lore lmao.

Erato is my Masks: A New Generation character in a campaign being played alongside @twerkyvulture (As Amanda ‘Megafauna’ Ghorbani, The Transformed) @draayder (as Josephine ‘Rattlesnake’ Short, The Reformed) @spitblaze (as Les ‘Void’ Hawking, The Doomed) @heedra (as Enid ‘Frag Beetle’ Day, The Scion) and @skarchomp (as Parker ‘Cobalt’ Andrews, The Legacy) with @dykeceratops as our GM. The current arc features @mechanicalriddle as Zoe, The Nova as a guest member. Here’s a group shot done by @tredlocity. Clockwise from the top left: Cobalt in blue, Erato in the track suit, Les in the cloak, Zoe with the mismatched eyes, Enid’s the big robot, Amanda’s got the scales and claws, and Josephine’s got the mask and tonfa.

To get back to Erato specifically though they’re an Anti Metahuman/Metahuman Suppression Weapon created by the in universe tech group Wright Industries, founded by Ingrid Day, Enid’s mom. They’re generally stronger, faster, and more durable than humans and can copy the superpowers of others for 5-10 minutes by touching them thanks to what is basically a meta-stem cell transplant interacting with other parts of their systems. (Also, I 100% swear to god that I did not consider ‘Robot Hero Who Copies The Powers Of Others’ is literally fucking Mega Man despite loving Mega Man a ton until after I had hashed out the concept with my GM’s assistance. Only once Abby said ‘oh like mega man’ I was like ‘wait, shit’.) I’ll tell you some about them as a person before unloading their history onto you, lol. Being an android built for combat and kept in an underground research lab, kept on a rigid schedule, constantly taking tests, physical, mental, written, oral, ethical, etc. etc. etc. and under constant supervision Erato lacked for real interactive experience before the campaign started only really ever getting to takl with authority figures and their sisters. They were very passive and observational, owing in part to their power set requiring a lot of adaptation to make the most of. They’re naive and very bad at exercising discretion in decision making, sometimes they overstep boundaries when talking with people without meaning to, and they’re really emotional! They have trouble dealing with strong emotions cause they haven’t managed to discover coping mechanisms that work well for them, they tend to get angry kind of easily and need time to blow off steam. But they’re also very genuine, honest, and well meaning. They are almost never mean, rude, or snippy, they do their best to do well by others, and have a strong sense of justice paired with a deep distrust and dislike of the current legal system in universe. This is in part due to the conditions of their creation (and in part because the intent behind it was kind of right!) and in part due to Enid’s life being threatened by a representative of the state while they and their teammates were in jail after being arrested following a huge brawl with an anti-methuman terrorist group. They’re also very willing to put forth the effort to improve as a person and to mend relationship wounds, almost always apologizing first to Enid when they fight and genuinely trying to work in advice and feedback they get from others, which they often get from Les and Parker. They’re also relatively educated, from the tests of their creators, from home and public schooling, from personal research, but that doesn’t undo their naivety. They also just straight up lack some very basic and/or common sense knowledge. Like, they don’t know what a bear is. Why would you teach a battle android working in a densely populated, extremely built up city about wild animals? All in all they’re kind of inexperienced and immature and make mistakes a lot but they’re (usually) very willing to admit their mistakes and to try and improve and get better. They genuinely and truly want what’s best for others and are learning to value them self as much as their teammates. They’ve also taken it upon them self to start doing humanitarian work in their free time over the summer. In a fight Erato is adaptive and quick witted but tends to put themself in more danger than is necessary. They also sometimes use more extreme force than the others believe is called for, but after the first time they did they and Parker had a real heart to heart about it, Les helped Erato learn and practice some coping, centering, behaviors they could do even under pressure and Erato did their best to adapt. That said they Fucking Hate The Keeper So God Damned Much Because Of How Much Suffering He’s Caused Their Friends And How Much Danger He Presents And Would Kill Him With No Remorse. So they don’t intend to apologize for ripping his arms off whatsoever. They and their sisters, collectively known as The Muse Units, were made to work as a group and as a proof of concept that atomized units could replace traditional police for use against metahuman criminals and to slowly phase out The Registry, the legal department which handles general metahuman based laws. If successful the units could be mass produced and improved upon, rapidly replacing current, error prone, law enforcement. At the time of their development, between late 1999 for blueprint drafting and until mid 2002 when the project was shut down, they were the cutting edge for AI development aided in no small part by Ingrid’s technokinetic powers allowing her to make advancements few others could. (As a note Erato’s body was finished being built in early 2001 but their unique personhood didn’t really come to fruition until February 18th, 2002, so that’s what I consider their ‘birthday’.) Ultimately, however, while a few of the Muses excelled some did not perform to expectations, the project fell behind schedule, investors lost interest, and a minor scandal involving a casualty happened, resulting in the project being shut down. The Muses were placed in indefinite storage, the data gained from their short existence used on other projects such and some of the tech advancements used to inform future decisions by the company. And it would have stayed that way, if not for the fact that in 2018 Ingrid Day was revealed to be The Locust in a conflict where Enid tried to defend her against a militia group who had been hired to take her down, being shot and presumably killed in the process. As The Locust she had been terrorizing Boston for over a decade trying to take it over and being involved in the deaths of over 70 people. (Which irl btw would make her like, the 8th most prolific confirmed serial killer of all time, Yikes!) Wright Industries, desperately needing to prove their hard stance against metahuman criminals and needing a PR stunt to deflect from their connection to their former CEO re-awakened Erato. They weren’t the most powerful or best performing of the Muses, but they were above average, obedient, and had an easy enough to monitor and control power set with little risk for property damage to boot, the perfect choice. Erato then took to the streets of Boston acting basically as a vigilante, following orders, stopping minor crimes, and sometimes working alongside the police. They attracted the attention of The Viceroy, a semi-retired 56 year old hero who never registered in spite of it being compulsory legally. They both have the ability to copy the powers of others, though he can just by sight, and he has body elasticity too. These make him durable and extremely adaptable, add to that his detective skills and he’s something of a local Boston legend. He took them in as his Protégé. Though they remained distant for quite some time with Erato still coming and going between his place and Wright Industries, having promised not to reveal his assistance to the doctors who Erato reported their work to. It was this way for about a year and a half before the campaign started and Erato began living with Viceroy full time, no longer wanting to go back to Wright Industries as they began to think more independently and consider what they wanted for them self more. During this time Erato had chance encounters with each of the other characters a few times as they also did minor vigilante work, peaking with a villain who is a member of Superhuman, an extremist pro-metahuman group, attacked the school that Josephine, Les, and Amanda all attend. After that incident Erato was prompted by Viceroy to contact each of these other young potential heroes to form a team, The Upstarts. Additionally during this time Viceroy took in Enid who had been abandoned by her biological father and had been getting bounced around foster care. Over time the three of them have become kind of a weird family, living in a warehouse full of cats with a couple of bedrooms grafted on and an ultra secret basement lair underneath full of advanced stuff Viceroy makes. Though Erato and Enid have definitely had their ups and down, more recently in the story (and we’ve been doing this campaign for well over a year now) they’ve been putting in serious effort to better their relationship and be good adoptive siblings to one another. I love their relationship a lot, they’re good kids.

That gets us up to the start of the campaign but hoo boy, I’ve been writing for like, an hour now. Since then Erato’s helped take down a nazi-aligned terrorist organization, they’ve got a boyfriend in their teammate, Les, and they’ve made friends outside of their core group of teammates. They’ve also enrolled in school doing well on some classes and poorly in others, namely learning how to Code and Woodworking. Currently they’re at a sleep away summer camp for superpowered kids called Camp Justice, about 10 miles outside of Boston. They really, really hate it there. Constant supervision, being made to do tests, things scheduled out against their will, inability to leave the area? Yeah that certainly reminds them of something. The difference between it and school, which does share these features, is they wanted to go to school. They very much Did Not want to go to camp. As a result they’re finally going to have to start facing the trauma they’ve got from their origin and also actually tell the others other than Les and Amanda about their sisters. Whiiiiich...Enid saw one of them disassembled and showed off in parts at a school science fair display set up by Wright Industries to gauge interest in students. And she hasn’t mentioned this to Erato...for 4 months Uh Oh! Lastly, here’s my tag I use mostly for art I make of them, it includes some texts posts and picrew dumps too though, lol. Feel free to look!

[fortheheavenssake]

MM Anon 4

MM Anon 4

Nov. 1

MM ANON … She Telegraphed it !!…… mechanically damaged 🤣🤣🤣……… rugby widow😭😭😭……alone on the Balcolonial …… “ Turn around re-play”…… wading through the Slush…… an American Psycho…… PR-int error ………🎼”God only knows “🎼…… 🧣🐓👯‍♀️🤔😭🤥……🎼”Wake up ,little ……… wake up“🎼…… “ I may wear purple Philip “…… “epic old thing ‘ that’ll p!$$ her orf “…… “hair of the DOG Harry”🤣🤣🤣”lets PARTY”……… 15-9 ……… “OK , give me £500”. …… $h!t, I’ve lost my phone!!……” OMG’ all those photos on it!!”

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Nov. 1

MM ANON …… NUTMEG not sanctioned by the BRF on visit to the bakery,all a SS stunt to get an interview with the Tele- laugh. Her woke ramblings ‘ a tossed salad of word salad … me ,me ,me me look at me , “because we’re all women right!! and I’m going to empower you all to become inspired by your own emotional strength,we’re cool sisters of the oppressed forces that the monarchy controls …… yeahhh ‘ right on and solid.”

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Nov. 1

MM ANON, Why is Trampmeg trapped in a bakery with the sisters of Perpetual retribution spreading her bacteria all over the sweeties…… simple!!! She’s $h!t scared of being Booooooood !! If she had a public outing with the great unwashed there’d be booing and a knashing of teeth. That’s why the the colonial carpetbagger stays hidden from the public. If its appearance on the balcony at RD. is anything, I bet someone gives her the old verbal finger

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Nov. 2

MM ANON , DEAR SWEET JESUS, The Sus-sex saga is really,REALLY dragging on , the anticipation of a drama at RD, the escape to LA, the archificial debacle, the suspect charity slush funds, it just piles on day after day of PR lies and nutmeg hand wringing, whinging and virtuous lectures to the great unwashed. Hiding in Bakery’s and WC kitchens isn’t facing the public ( boooooooo!!! ) this colonial carpetbagger is on the run from the Brits who see through her bull$h!t and mendacity. 🤥🤥🤥

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Nov. 2

MM ANON … “ You are part of this monarchy, you WILL adhere to its traditions”…… “ her past, so embarrassing!!”…… Rogue PR…… “we’ve “cleaned” her phone ma’am”…… “ I fear it’s still out there”…… promoting the impossible …… “ give this one to William” “ thank goodness we have one classic beauty,old thing “ …… “ is Charles thinking of leap-frogging to William ,Philip?”……” my teams made arrangements “…… “shut up!! It’s my Duty!!”…… 🎼” to dream the impossible dream “🎼……”total meltdown sweetie”

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Nov 3

MM ANON … ‘ and in the morning, we shall Booo!!!……… Mall-content. …… camera click ‘ I’m OK!!…… “ sit Harry with Melania??”………… a reduced detachment …… “ it’s in the Fine print M’lud”…… “ what!! a night of fruity duty” …… “6 of the 13 are solid!! “…… “ leapfrogging, not a chance old thing” …… “ the right order of things Philip” ……… “ my apologies for the interruption Ma’am”…… “ One should act post-haste”…… “ and keep Harry out of this”. ……… O’ Kate, I hear she got quite scwiffy Philip”.

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Nov 3

MM ANON … occasionally one exposes an anomaly within the mainstream collective , I’m not talking about the proud hard working women of America, I’m describing the grifting harsluts who screw their way up the social dung heap that is the domain of institutions of suspect provenance. This specific specimen grift, escort , yacht, sexually ingratiate blow , and manipulate their way into positions of kept high maintenance. Who the hell could that be?… O’her!!!

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Nov 4

MM ANON,…… THE ACTUAL REALITY!! The evidence appertaining to nutmegs missing years, The exodus to Madrid for a “ procedure” after leaving the American embassy in BA “ she apparently had an affair with a junior attaché. Then it vanished into the very private and murky world of yachting escorting, often mentioned in her SM posts as auditions for film appearances. 🤣🤣🤣 a clandestine history of sordid consequences that led to an embarrassing entrapment of himself, an archificial birth and lies.

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Nov 4

MM ANON …… RD,will she ‘won’t she?…… a Congressional offer…… The foundations support …… 🎼” don’t stop thinking about tomorrow”🎼………a bit LAX of her…… W&Ks PR assault …“ the popularity of the children your Highness”……” Popular!! we call it “Charlottes Web 🤣🤣”……” it’s the future direction ma’am”…… “she imploded ma’am ,end of!! “…… “ Christmas!! A family portrait ma’am , only the family “…… “ it’s exciting Philip ‘ a new chapter “…… “any cream caramel left old thing”. … tut tut,dyspepsia Philip”

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Nov 5

MM ANON …… A prospective congressional candidate ……caLiforniA voting …… bankrolled by Bubba…… 🎼” ain’t nobody Straight in LA”🎼…… Nov.14th , liftoff !! …… “ don’t come back, general consensus ma’am”. //… “ William’ you’ll love the break darling “…… “ 🦄can I come daddy, pleeeeeez!!”…… “bring me back a 🦎”…… “ Well, rather you than me squidgy” …… “ I’m reading these balcony jokes old thing” ……” 🤣🤣 Philip, look at this one ‘ wicked!!”… “make it there problem, it’s her decision “ … “Ad Nauseam.

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Nov 5

#FREECAMILLA……… the hashtag is emblematic of the impossible situation that the DOC has to endure on the 7th. Camilla is scheduled to pay her respects at the field of remembrance at Westminster Abbey following the D&DOS. nutmeg is an appendage regarding TBRF , she turns up all PR and no knickers, poster 42 year old for middle age yachters. How long is it going to soil the institutions of dignity. If you’re not OK and WOUNDED, go back into hiding. #FREECAMILLA. allegedly, speculation of course.

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Nov 6

MM ANON, KATES TAGLIATELLE NAPOLITANA. … cook tagliatelle till al dente, Toss in a little truffle olive oil. Napolitana sauce, … cook ground beef( 300grams) in pan with finely sliced garlic and shallots. Season. Add superior tomato sauce ( Italian). Cook for 10 minutes. Pour over tagliatelle that’s in a oval oven dish. Cover with parmigiana reggiano , medium heat for 12 minutes in oven,Serve hot with a glass of good Chianti. Happy Harry guaranteed. NB. This is Kate’s own recipe.

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Nov 6

MM ANON, As soon as the last notes of the RD parade fade nutmeg will hot foot it to Northolt to catch her private jet to LA. She’s all packed and ready to flee the country she hates , the “Wounded” snowflake who’s not “OK” won’t stay a second longer in soho house. Harry can start his re-hab from the insidious co-dependency he’s fallen into, and W&K can visit him and coach his return to royal normality, having eaten to many chicken dinners he can relish Kate’s Tagliatelle Napolitana, GSTQAOBC.

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Nov 6

MM ANON ………” the pest is fleeing the rented nest” SO-HO HO HO !!!………”🎼” don’t give me that do goody good bullshit”🎼…… I’ll catch him , you talk him round” …… “ don’t be naive, it’ll be longer than 6weeks.”……… “I’ve got a cunning plan”………… Mmmm’ money but NOT title!!…… “ the Privy Purse won’t finance that”. …… “ I’ll have a chat with the LCJ, ol’ Netty will fix it.”…… “ done and dusted darling”. …… 🎼” we’ve already said “ so long”🎼………🎼” With a Little help from my friends”🎼. Amen!!

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Nov 7

MM ANON, THE D&DOC , met family’s and school children today at St. Martin in the Fields. The epitome of royal class. Kate stunning in royal blue dress. Equate this with the sloppy belted afterthought nutmeg wore? A poodle weave, ill fitting navy blue ( not a respectable black) couch throw. Harry dignified in regimental frock coat. Once again she denigrates a solemn occasion with her smug indifference to protocol and traditions. People were laughing contemptuously at her. GET RID !!!

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Nov 7

MM ANON …… Royal blue class…… navy blue @ss……… royal winning ……… smug grinning …… “ a quiet word in your shell-like Harry, she embarrassed you”…… “Sunday night ma’am, alone!!”…… Royal Trinity …… 🎼” leaving on a jet plane , don’t know “🎼……… “Exeter airport, not far from Babington ma’am”……”What!! a brotherly tour LG?”…… SANDRINGHAM sand pit…”one disaster at a time,old thing”……” Melania has royal discretion Philip”…… “ God knows Philip, money?”…… “whatever’ but not in bloody black and white “

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Nov 7

MM ANON , WELL WHAT’I,TELL YA, congressional representative for a district of L.A. , if my little birdies are chirping the same song ,the appointed one is going to run , and it won’t be South Central, some nice residential upmarket suburb , 60% coloured. The Gang of Four will offer their endorsement and Nancy with the laughing face will put the cherry on top. 2020 cometh. She won’t come back. And Harry will become mr. Megan Markle, unless of course’…………………

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Nov 9

MM ANON … beyond the bathrobe… hit the spot(not)…… never on a Sunday …… 🎼Sun-day my Prince will come🎼…LA Confidential …… morning TV. …… The Late shows …… “And now a surprise guest ‘Princess Megan and Prince Archie”…… “And now a word from her sponsor”…… A Meg-a endorsement … “you can have my jet”…… please!! a little decorum”…… Who’me!!

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Nov 9

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Nov 10

MM ANON, SO …… “ Don’t stand with us, Don’t sit with us , we don’t require your company or conversation , just f***off back to California and re-connect with your vacuous valley girls who can only talk of their therapists,and being f**** by their personal trainers”. “ What say you Camilla”… “ I totally agree ma’am”. Alleged royal drawing room conversation between HMTQ,DOC,D&DOS. 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Nov 10

MM ANON, So , megherp wears an inverted piss-pot on her head , another FU protocol, while outcasted to the Siberian balcony, I wonder what the conversation was inside the rooms of the foreign Office while she was waiting with Harry. M.” Look at that stuck up bitch Kate,talking to the Queen” K. “ well’ Megan looks very average again, naked legs I see, Mmm,ever-ready Rachel suits her”. H. “What time is your plane leaving “. M. “ as soon as I can f*** off from you lot”. Allegedly, speculation only.

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Nov 10

MM ANON …… game,set and lies…… “ that royal DR conversation actually took place “……… game, set And Siberia …… William isn’t enamoured …… “Bare legs, ever ready Rachel “🤣🤣🤣🤣………”So-Ho hook-up?? really”……… “the RPO HAS to keep quiet!!! …… “ a scandal to far old thing “…… “ pray it stays!!”…… “extra protection , NO , let her pay!!”……… “ her little friends ‘ it’s a called a sleepover William “ …… “Yes,Edward and Sophie “…… “wheels up ma’am ,… thank god LG”

Thank you MM Anon…😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

This is not written by Skippy!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Nov 10

MM ANON ……… “ for the attention of the intellectually challenged trolls, I write my own riddles and submit them to skippy. “ but then again, that’s the reason you’re all intellectually challenged. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 one thing trolls have in spades, contempt prior to investigation ……… many thanks skippy.

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Nov 11

MM ANON …… “H’ phone Oprah , NOW!!…… “ we’ll stay with SW for a while”…… “ my mother’s already here”. ……… “ Lottie’ tell your little friends to stop jumping on the bed.” …… BREAKFAST!!…… “ OK’ who’s for sticky maple syrup and waffles?”…… Charlotte!!!! behave. …… “ We’re outnumbered George!!”……”NANNY HELP!, …… “Wait and see,ma’am, wait and see!!”…… “yes, my friends in the service!!”… The banquet would be a good time. ……Embroil him in duties to his regiment ……’seven for a secret never to be told.

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Nov 11: MM anon?

Dear skippy, I do believe I’m being logged and monitoring by TPTB. Also my dear friend ALLEGEDLY ANON. every word I write, they’ll be watching me. ……… MM ANON. They’ve already got to me very surreptitiously. Please post this ,the more anons know the better. Kind regards.

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Nov 11

MM ANON… … Delayed flight 14th Nov.

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Nov 13

MM ANON ……… 🎼” let the Sunshine”🎼���… who pulled the short straw?……… palm trees at Sandringham …… “ pass the Dorito’s darling “……… Sophie’s surprise ……“ I love the belt sweetie”. … Preg-nont…… “ I love the belt sweetie” ……… “yes , smile and serve them gru-el”…… Christmas?” Musical chairs old thing” ……… more of a 12 by 6 ……… small expectations …… Kate’s red carpet …… “ bet she goes for the lovers knot.” …… Hobson choice.

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Nov 14

MM ANON …… MAD-ISON AV. Re-Sunshine Sucks…… a tabloid too far…… LA thanksgiving? …… homeless shelter thanksgiving?……Royal Family thanksgiving?…… professional lie juggler …… $h!t scared of loosing tax millions …… HMTQ drops in 🤣🤣🤣🤣…… MM drops out…… “ it’s not rocket science Harry dear boy, she’s a s****!!…… “ but I love her” … “Really!!, sit down and watch this” …… “ now!! convinced!!”…… “ ones judgment is sometimes compromised Harry” …… “ But, But ,But …… “No ifs, no Butts. … just act royal

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Nov 14

MM ANON ………… surreptitiously, “lift off”. …… who dares,bins…… 🎄it’s a wonderful strife🎄…… failure is not a-doption……Interstellar McCartney………me invito tactiost…… an act of con-passion…… “ therapy, the humanitarian solution Harry”. …… “serious emotional and mental disorders” …… it’s not her fault, she seems to have been born that way” ……… “ yes!! Section 8. … “ it’s your call!! “

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Nov 15

MM ANON, WTF !!! there’s a record of conversations and confidences A DIARY!! really,REALLY !! This is a potential IED … regarding a tome of disastrous consequences for HMTQ and the Royal Family. Whispers about said Tome have been fluttering around royal circles for over a year. If ‘ IF , someone had a resentment or grievance against the RF and one had recorded all in a “Diary” the publication would be of universal interest. ( $20 million advance) at least. Her future secured!! just sayin !!

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Nov 15

MM ANON, coercion is a crime. Blackmail is a crime, so why is nutmeg bleeting on about empowerment and mindfulness 🤮🤮🤮 while the biggest criminal manipulation against a monarch and her family was undertaken with her at the Center. This grifter used and abused a naive recipient into a marriage and turned him into a co-dependent with emotional and character changing traits. BLACKMAIL IS A CRIME!! Tick TOCK.

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Nov 15

MM ANON, EXPLOITATION!!! Stella(money) McCartney pays East Hungarian women £2.6 an hour ……… and say it takes a worker 5 hours to complete a coat / say materials cost £50.00 + labour £15.00 … so £65.00 for a coat retailing at £1.545.00……… quite a mark up a Stella’ old woke , humanitarian nutmeg buys your extortionate rag without any bleeting of exploitation of Hungarian women ……… Mmmm not to Woke nutmeg. HYPOCRISY!!

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Nov 15

MM anon .......... “wash spin repeat”......... no hole barred🤣🤣🤣......... reflect,deflect,infect...... DM is armed and dangerous...... court jester 🎭......... the light is Fading...... nice hypocrisy you’re wearing...... hunger-Ian...... GCHQ on the QT......... I’m not a row boat...... “they will unleash the dossier from hell”...... complete disclosure......... in case of emergency, pull handle. ...... sorry you’re out of time......... 🎼 …”rescue me”…🎼.

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Nov 15

MM ANON ……Ventura Highway …… “ yes, let’s go!!”…… GCHQ, on the QT…… W knows EVERYTHING!!…… PR pops in”🤣🤣……… “ one pops in , Philip”…… archificial pops out, when?……… “ bit of a soft interview “…… tighten security, NOW!!…… “ this ones out the bag , old thing”…… “ I’m looking forward to it Philip, all the little ones”…… “yes , one is a tad hurt”…… A good appointment.…… “ right up Her street”. …… 🎼give yourself a very🎄merry Christmas🎼…… “ Little ones?the service is too long,Philip”.

This is the one I thought I deleted….I deleted the copy not the original…..forward we go….😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Nov 16

MM ANON/ ALLEGEDLY ANON/NANNY ANON/0 YEA,O YEA ANON/ HOLD UP, HOLD UP ANON/ LIFT OFF ANON ……………………………BYE BYE.

Because I won’t post tirades against PA….they have chosen to leave. I thought keeping PA separate from riddles was the right thing to do. It seems that was not what they expected from me. I am on the side of truth, I’m not burying PA stuff, I just don’t believe there is enough info for me to support their thoughts. I’m not here to expose PA…I am here to expose MM…and PA is a distraction. Sorry.

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Nov 18

MM ANON ……”too many eyes, it has to be privejet “…… SS , travel agent ……” NO more interviews “ ……” I’ll, give her away!!” …… 🎼”they had style,and well read,MM gave good head,vogue “🎼……… Aotearoa…… DM litigate big guns…… Subpoena demeanour ……… “ocean view,or the hills princess?”…… “ ones posterior is sore” …… “ I warned you old thing”…… “ Bugger them, tomorrow’s chip paper!!”……… “ I want a monkeeeeey!!🦄🐒

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Big 18

MM ANON , MANY BLESSINGS AND SALUTATIONS FOR THE SKIPPY GANG ……… (my bad!! ) …… ONWARDS TOWARDS THE JUDICIAL INCARCERATION OF MADAM. Please dear sweet Jesus let the righteous triumph over the darkness that she’s bestowed on TBRF. 

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Nov 19

MM ANON … Sharon concern about Forth Bridge …… operation updates …… charitable uncoupling …… LG takes a grip?…… GM on the QT with Harley St. ……

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Nov 19

MM ANON ………GM consults Chobanian…… Sharon,concerns about Forth Bridge. …… Charitable uncoupling ……… a worried sausage …… LG ‘quite confidence …… cogs oiled and ready …… Dark clouds over ninety mile beach …… “it’s a runaway train old boy”…… “PRUNING , autumn or Spring?”……” I’m only the messenger!!”……… W&K ,royalty personified …… “weathering the shower, it’s not a storm old boy”……

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Nov 19

MM ANON , Re-lesser anon, There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance … that principle is contempt prior to investigation. Just sayin’ 🤣🤣🤣

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Nov 20

MM ANON ……… LVH, she’s vanished” ……… BC , Arkan-SIDED……… 🎼” another one bites the dust “ 🎼………”the notebooks are no longer available”……”ones concerned and caring”…… Sandringham sanctuary …… Amazingly stoic “bloody fuss, piss off”……… W&Ks Support is continuous ……… C&C on recall?……” He had a multitude of secrets” …… warden patsy’s……All the ex-Presidents woM.E.N.…… “OMG,not another lift off?”

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Nov 20

VERY HAPPY 72nd WEDDING ANNIVERSARY 🍸🍸👑👑🍮🍮🎊🎉💞💞

Yes…A Very Happy Anniversary!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Nov 20

MM ANON, ……… NOW EVERYONE CAN RETURN TO WHAT REALLY MATTERS ………… THE INCARNATION AND JUDICIAL CONCLUSION TO THE HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANOURS OF THE COLONIAL CARPETBAGGER. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Nov 20

MM ANON … THIS BLOG IS NOT PRO-PEDOPHILIA. PERIOD.

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Nov 21

MM ANON …… Hey’ RF!! I’m still not OK…… Daughters dilemma …… FBI delivers legal documents …… canary’s calling …… wittiness projection …… Max-well-on-Her-way-farer…… southern district documents verified …… Kuwaiti waity …… Lottie lustre camera caper…… DOC photo exhibition imminent …… “ I have a request”…… request denied !!…… USA demands archificial …… Northern flights.

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Nov 21

MM ANON ……💜💜💜💜💜. To all anons. I appreciate all submissions on the riddles, all are brilliant interpretations of words and meanings. BRAVA TO ALL !! …… PG is one of our much loved deciphering anons , so on a spiritual level we pray for dear PG. prayers and positive energy for our dear much loved friend. 💜💜💜💜💜💜 prayers for Mr skippy and PG. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜❤️❤️❤️❤️💜💜💜💜

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Nov 22

For PG

MM ANON 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜WELCOME BACK PG💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜it’s good to have you back. 💜💜

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Nov 22

MM ANON, O’SKIPPY, the angel who opened a dog hospice, ……… I CRIED , I REALLY CRIED 😢😢 how wonderful, what thoughtfulness and humility a real HUMANITARIAN!!! Hey nutmeg, how about donating a dress price to this canine saint. GOD BLESS YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

It really is something…earth angels are with us to restore faith in humanity, we are seeing more earth angels now as the world is dark we are learning. Thank you God for giving us these amazing stories and anons who bring them.🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Nov 22

MM ANON, Dear skippy i posted riddle earlier today 🤣💜💜💜. 🎼🎼🎼🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🎼🎼🎼

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Nov 22

MM ANON …a cuppa and a trot…… “ no damage darling”…… “W&K will pick up the slack”…… “ let’s go visit the old bugger”…… A Christmas PR push…… “ she has to show archificial “……… Harry and Sandringham??……… “ for goodness sake,nanny had the night off” ……… “it’s a wonderful Christmas card darling”………… will boss baby go viral??………Mmm , Little punk Prince!

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Nov 23

MM ANON …… “ it’s not Andrew it’s Meeeee!!”…… “suits is a positive act”🤣🤣……… “ life is like a box of chocolates”…… “Doritos here”……… “I’ll cook a turkey dinner”…… Charles Champion……… “ we’ll have to, in the speech??”…… media vita in Monte sumus…… “something borrowed ,someone’s blue”…… “Christmas’Blue Water,Lottie,”…… “Unicorrrrrns”🦄🦄……… “strictly Party Nanny 🥳”……… “ bit of week old thing, hugs!!”…… “ and a large sherry”……… “ a large malt”

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Nov 24

ALLEGEDLY/ MM / NANNY/…… ALL THE GANG. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🎼🎼🎼🎼❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💜💜🙏🏻HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKIPPY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

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Nov 24

MM ANON …… a homecoming hiatus …… Top of the Pops👑👑…… “ And when they were only half way up”……… “ it’s going to be a PA tabloid tsunami”…… 🎼”potato,patarto, lets call the whole thing off”🎼……… “just take the bloody photo”……… “a horrified positive Pratt”…… 🎼” iiiiim’putin on my top hat”🎼……… Kate’ “I do everything he dose, only backwards and in six inch heels, and with three children”…… “ I trust in William old thing”…… “Sir!! focus,a century is demanded!”…………… 🎼”pictures of Lily”🎼

—————

Nov 25

MM ANON ………lay a place for Vlad?…… lovers knot hiding …… Kate ,Melania & Ivanka shine …… nutmeg crashes posh-nosh?…… “ it’s just impeachy’Donald” ……… “ no chance Ma’am”……… “Hows the Dook?”…… “a special Yuletide for a million reasons ,ma’am”…… legalities,Banalities,Calamities …… “2020, I’m an optimist Christopher”…… “less is more, ma’am”

—————

Nov 26

MM ANON … “ it’s a Mozzi bite …… wed-ding-a-ling …… “my advice ‘ have it in Italy”’…… “ She’s crippled with shame”……… “I saw her with archificial yesterday in Waitrose,“ …… “from Windsor to Winnipeg”. ……… Andy, Charles and Clarence ,……”thanksgiving ‘ darling she went back to LA”…… “ but ,but, but the SOOOOOOPKITCHEN!!! “…… spin ,grin and a bottle of gin…… 🎼”I’m dreaming of a ( WOC) Christmas “🎼……… “Sandringham old thing, fuck the election”. …… “ ones duty first Philip”……… “ don’t mention him”

——————

*** Nov 27. Answer

MM ANON, DEAR ANONS, TO BE HONEST, I didn’t even know where Winnipeg was!! I was speculating where nutmeg was going to end up at Christmas? I now know that I’ve upset the whole pop. of Winnipeg……… SO SORRY ! Sorry PG. 💜💜💜💜💜

——————

Nov 27

MM ANON … Archificial carves the Turkey …… Megan BURNS the gravy……Frogmore or LESS… ” Harry PULLS a CRACKER”… Dorito’ where is Dorito??…… An-drew the short straw… Con-sort it out Charles … swimmingly!!🦄🦎 …… “ the general public would lap it up your Highness” …… “ little stars”……… 🎼four and twenty Black-Birds🎼…… “Frozen film party at KP”…… “Darling I’ll cook, how many?”…… “14, no problem!!”…… “a ten pounder”…… “Kate’s cooking old thing”…… “another drink Philip?”… “wait till Christmas Eve !!”

—————-

Nov 28

MM ANON ……… pencil thin 👀…… 👧👦🏼👶🎡🎢🎠……… maple, leaf it alone ……… 🛩who knows?……… “one has responsibilities Charles”……… “ six weeks’ and they can’t show the bloody baby.”…… “flown out , bloody good job!!”……… send up the menu!! …… very secure ma’am!! ……… all those SS chappies…… “ I hear she’s quiet the English Rose” ……… “ if only!!”……… “good stock, don’t cha’ know”…… DEEP and CRISP and IVAN…… He’ll stop their extravagant travel. ……… “ charades ,old thing”. …” pass the parcel,Philip!!”

——————

Nov 29

MM ANON …… 🎼 build it up with wood and clay🎼 ……… a crown script …… Harry’s rapid response …… the wrong side of the tunnel ……… “give time,time old boy”……… “ if it was Good enough for HM”……… tagged ,bad, and dangerous to know ……… look ,listen and learn ……… black fry-day……”nowhere as secluded as Sandringham”……… “she’s a beauty mate, breath of fresh air”

—————

Nov 30

MM ANON ……… “Darling’ please pass the Wrinkle cream” ………”she’s on this blog I read”💜……… “ we’ve been invited to the Boxing Day shoot” …… WoW ‘ that’s a beautiful photo Kate …… “he’s to young ‘ good grief William!!”…… ‘This cobra has no fangs ……… “The service, maybe bring C&G.” ……… “ The spring diary ma’am’ was thinking they could do The America’s and Canada” ……… “ the Children too”…… “what say you Philip?” …… “indubitable , old thing” …… “ Settled!!”……” Sidney’ more refreshments”

——————-

——————-/

Dec 1

MM ANON, I’m watching series 1 of the crown, BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN AND EDITED. The filming is so accurate and attention to detail. I remember Norman Hartnell designing the Queens wardrobe for the commonwealth tour. My mother was a dress-maker so I watched everything she watched. Methinks the Queen had something to do with this because it’s so accurate. Reason, she’s 92 ‘ what a visual legacy. I can imagine her throwing a ashtray at Philip, and HIS secret dalliances. EPIC!!

—————

[apolesen]

A phonological analysis of Cardassian

@illogicalbroccoli and I decided to sit down and analyse the Cardassian sound-system. This can serve as a guide for coining names and words. We have also included a description of what a Cardassian sounds like. 

Limitations

This analysis is based on the names of all named Cardassians in alpha-canon (i.e. the TV series) (with exceptions of names that are clearly names of the production team that are added in writing just as place-holders), taken from the category ‘Cardassians’ on Memory Alpha. We have also taken into account the names of the sectors of the Union Capitals and the fan-coined names for body parts: chufa, chula, chuva (the spoons), prUt, ajan, vit (genitals). (We have also gone through the Cardassian names in Memory Beta and have considered how they would fit in, but not used them as basis for our analysis.) This is a fairly good sample, but with any sample, some phonemes and combinations of phonemes might not be represented. 

We are treating the way these words are written as Federation transcription. That means that sometimes, we might find inconsistencies in it. We have tried to not invoke transcription errors too often, but at times we have simply to keep the system plausible. 

The final thing is that Cardassian vocal organs are probably different from human ones. Do Cardassians have an uvula, do their teeth look the same, what is the range of movement of their tongue? However, in this post, I am assuming that their vocal organs are close enough to ours that we can use the same terminology. 

Terminology

Stop - a consonant where the air-flow is completely cut off. These are /p, t, k, b, d, g/. If you can say it drawn out, it’s not a stop.

Fricative - another type of consonants where the air-flow is not completely cut off. If it’s a consonant you can say drawn out, it’s a fricative, such as /f/.  

Sibilant - sibilants are strictly a kind of fricative, but are worth mentioning in their own right. They are s-sounds. If it sounds like something a snake might say, it’s a sibilant. 

Affricate - a sound that starts as a stop and ends as a fricative, for instance English chap. 

Cluster - any sounds that commonly occur together. Here I specifically mean consonant clusters, such as /pl/, /gr/, /rm/ etc. 

Phoneme - a distinct sound in a specific language. Phonemes are identified by minimal pairs, words where the only thing that is different are the sounds we are investigating. For instance, English rent and lent are different words, and shows us that /r/ and /l/ are phonemes. 

Allophone - an allophone is how a phoneme presents. A phoneme might manifest differently depending on its position in a word. As with phonemes, there are specific to languages. What is allophonic in one language can be phonemic in another. 

Slashes are used for indicate phonemes, i.e. sounds. Angled brackets indicate graphemes, i.e. written signs. 

I have used some IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) signs in this post, but have endeavoured to give examples wherever I can. A good resource is the website internationalphoneticalphabet dot org, where you will find a link to “IPA chart with sounds”. You can simply click the sign in question and it reads it to you. 

The Cardassian phonetic system

We are proposing the following system: 

p - t- k - q - v

b - d- g - ɢ - f - θ - ʃ - j - h

ʧ - ʦ

r - l - m- n- ŋ - s - z

a - e - i - ɔ - o - u - ei

In the following sections, I will go through them and explain our reasoning and give examples. 

Stops

Cardassian has a balanced stop system, much like that of English: 

/p/ - Paldar

/t/ - Tain

/k/ - Kelas

/b/ - Belor

/d/ - Damar

/g/ - Garak

However, the voiceless velar /k/ causes us some problems. This sound is sometimes written with <k> (e.g. kanar), but sometimes it is written with <c>, e.g. Broca, Preloc, Crell, Lemec. However, <c> is also used for a sibilant in the names Ocett and Macet. We could put this down to an error in transcription, but that is a dull out. Let us take another piece of data into account - the <gh> in Ghemor. At first glance, this might be an aspirated stop (a sound that occurs allophonically in English and sounds a bit more ‘breathy’), but if so, we would expect more aspirated stops. We could say that the examples of <c> as a velar are aspirated, but it does not ring true to me. Therefore, I suggest that <c> and <gh> represent uvular stops: 

/q/ - Crell

/ɢ/ - Ghemor

The uvula is the thing that hangs down at the back of your mouth. In order to make this sound, you pronounce an ordinary velar (/k/ or /g/) but also bring up the back of your tongue and touch your uvula. These sounds do not occur in English, but does in Arabic and some Caucasian languages. 

It is worth noting that there is one Cardassian name with a <q> in beta-canon, Andrul Taqut. This might be another example of the uvular. 

Fricatives, affricates, liquids and nasals

The Cardassian fricative system is not as well-balanced as its stop system:

/v/ - Revok

/f/ - chufa

/θ/ - Thrax

/ʃ/ - Shoggoth

/j/ - Ziyal

It has both /v/ and /f/, but the latter only appears word-internally (e.g. chufa - there is a beta canon example of Fhret, but this is an odd cluster and I am going to put it aside). There is /θ/, transliterated <th> (like in English thirst), but no voiceless version (like English there). There is also /ʃ/ (English sheer) and /j/, (English yet).

As for affricates, there are two: 

/ʧ/ - chuva

/ʦ/ - Marritza

The sound /ʧ/ is that of English chap and /ʦ/ is Italian pazzo (a /t/ and /s/ sound very close together).  

The nasals, liquids and sibilants are much the same as in English: 

/r/ - Garak

/l/ - gul

/m/ - Mila

/n/ - Nor

/ŋ/ - Lang

/s/ - Silaran

/z/ - Ziyal

What about the times <c> is used for a sibilant? It is noticeable that it only occurs word-internally and between vowels. We have three names with <s> word-internally and between vowels: Rusot, Moset and Russol (assuming the gemination does not show it is something else). Both the first and last cases are flanked by back vowels, so I suggest that they can be disregarded. We are then left with Ocett, Macet and Moset. I will suggest that <c> is used (by a very sloppy transcriber) to present an allophone of /s/ which occurs when the phoneme /s/ follows after a vowel and precedes a /e/. Usually, allophones are not written in different ways, so we would be correct writing these names as Osett and Maset. 

Furthermore, there is a /h/, which often occurs within words. 

Vowels

With the vowels, we must note that there is a problem as English vowels are very messed up. Do we assume that the orthography or the pronunciation is closer to the Cardassian truth? Most of the time, we think the pronunciation is closer, but with some provisions for English lenition. We decided upon this system: 

/a/ - Garak

/e/ - Enabran

/i/ - Ziyal

/ɔ/ - Terok Nor (always transcribed with <o>)

/o/ - Ulani (sometimes transcribed with <o>, sometimes with capital <U>)*

/u/ - Dukat

*) We are assuming an inconsistency of transcription here, simply to allow for the orthography in prUt which does not occur in alpha canon.

There is also one diphthong (or at least one that we can find evidence of): 

/ei/ - Tain **

**) Even if this is written with an <a>, the first part of this diphthong is clearly an /e/. 

Notably, Cardassian does not have a schwa, /ǝ/, which is a sound in the very middle of the mouth like in chocolate. This occurs when an unstressed vowel is weakened to the extent that we don’t bother to put our tongue up or down but simply keep it in a fairly neutral position. Because 

Vowel length is marked, and appears to orthographically be shown by double vowels, as in Boheeka, Aamin. At least once, these are separated by an accent, Darhe’el. The accent also occurs in the name Pa’Dar, where it rather seems to show a shortening of the preceding vowel. I am going to chalk this up to a misunderstanding in the transcription. 

A note on the uses of <h> in beta canon

I have discussed <gh> in Ghemor. However, it is worth mentioning that there are some odd uses of <h> in beta-canon names: Khevet, Efheny, Rhukal, Rhemet, Mhevet. 

Most of these can, in my opinion, be dismissed. Khevet could be an uvular that has been written that way by influence of the transcription of Ghemor. Rhukal and Rhemet are probably examples of the phoneme /r/. It might be an allophonic variation not shown in names such as Rusot and Rugal (perhaps Bajoran doesn’t have this variation and that’s why Rugal’s name is written without it?). As for Efheny, I do not think that the <h> is there to show a change in the /f/, but that there is supposed to be a hiatus between them, Ef-heny. When it comes to Mhevet, I think we need to look at the character in question. Arati Mhevet is from North Torr, which is a poor and close-knit community, and precisely the kind that might have a distinct dialect. I propose that the <mh> represents a labial that is found in the North Torr dialect and not in ‘standard’ Cardassian. 

Permitted clusters

Languages are governed by some internal rules of sounds that can and can’t go together and only in certain positions. For instance, initial /ks/ is generally not permitted in English, which is why words such as xylophone and xenophobic are often pronounced starting with something like /z/. Similarly, English does not allow initial /pt/ and /ps/, which is why words starting with these, e.g. pterodactyl and psychologist, often are pronounced with the <p> silent. 

In Cardassian, we can see some general rules for permitted clusters. 

Clusters consisting of a stop plus /r/ are generally permitted. Liquid plus stop is rare, as are fricative-initial clusters. 

However, this obscures a lot. 

Stop-initial clusters: 

pr, tr, kr, br, dr

kl, gl

gn

-ks#

When it comes to stop plus /r/, all are permitted with the exception of /gr/. In the case of stop plus /l/, only velars, /k/ and /g/, are allowed. The only stop-nasal cluster allowed in /gn/. 

The hash indicates the end of a word; the combination /ks/ is only allowed at the end of words (there is a Cardassian name Thrax). 

Liquid-initial clusters are: 

rb, rd, rt, rl, rn, rm, rv 

ld, lt 

Liquid+stop clusters are generally rare, and /r/-initial clusters are far more common than /l/-initial ones.

Nasal-initial clusters are: 

nd, nt, np, mp

As for clusters starting in fricatives or sibilants, there are only two: 

θr, sk

A Cardassian Accent

What a person sounds like when speaking a language which is not their first language is down to what phonology they are used to. For instance, a native speaker of Hindi may pronounce sounds that are not retroflexed in English as retroflexed, as that is a common sound in Hindi. The allowed clusters in a language also often carries over. 

As we have established what sounds and clusters occur in Cardassian, we can extrapolate what a Cardassian-speaker might sound like if they were speaking English. The amount of accent one has depends on a great number of things - age of second language acquisition, previous bilingualism, general aptitude for language, amount of progress. In my opinion, someone like Garak would not have much of an accent, but people with less experience of other languages and less exposure to native English-speakers will have a more noticeable accent.

As there is no voiceless fricative /ð/, like in English there, so a Cardassian-speaker might say “dere”. The /f/ phoneme is never initial, so while a Cardassian-speaker might be able to pronounce English sofa well, they might struggle with foal and instead say “voal” (which might lead to interesting misunderstandings). They would have trouble with English diphthongs, of which there are a lot. They might also make distinctions that an English speaker would not, such as using an uvular velar in certain positions. 

As the consonant clusters that are allowed in Cardassian are fairly few, a Cardassian-speaker will struggle with some of the clusters in English. Words like star or morsel might cause them trouble. They might add a vowel in between - “satar” - or drop one of the segments “mosel”. 

We have not taken things like accenting patterns and word melody into account, as there is not really any data that allows us to reconstruct it, but that too would change how a Cardassian accent would sound. 

[sweetenoughandfaraway]

Blind Gossip: A One Direction Speculations Masterpost

(Tumblr took this down ‘cause BG’s legal team is whatever, but I wanted it to live on so I removed the screenshots. I abandoned this in 2013 because the amount of time I spent on it was unhealthy, LOL, but here it is for those that may have wanted to see it)

Blind Gossip: A One Direction Speculations Masterpost (Ace’s “Dark” Period: Added Nov. 8th, 2013)

Alternatively titled “You’re pretty ace, Ace”

Disclaimer: The analyses contained within this post are all personal, so I’m not claiming to be right in anything I say. I am certainly not Ace and I do not have all of the answers. I did, however, spend a great deal of time organizing and researching in order to put this together, so it is my sincere hope that you enjoy it should you choose to read it.

Note: This post will be continually updated as new blinds surface.

Welcome! This post will include my own speculations and educated (or maybe not-so-educated) guesses about certain Blind Gossip entries. It is important before you read on that you are aware that I believe Harry and Louis are in a relationship, and will be analyzing these blinds with that belief in mind.

At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether or not you believe any of this. You are welcome to your own opinions and analyses.

Now, before I begin, let’s explore a little bit about Blind Gossip and how it works.

What exactly is Blind Gossip?

Blind Gossip is essentially a celebrity gossip site that is run by the anonymous “Ace.” The stories featured on the sites are called “blinds,” a word derived from the term “blind item.” A blind item is defined as “a news story, usually gossip, in which the details of the matter are reported while the identities of the people involved are not revealed.“ Basically, posting blind items is a way to release information about celebrities/PR stunts without the risk of lawsuits or otherbacklash because no names were used. However, there is normally a plethora of hints provided, which can usually guide the reader to make an educated guess about the subject(s).

The blinds that the site posts cover a wide range of topics (pregnancy rumors, drug addictions, and PR/closeting, to name a few) and their subjects represent a wide range of celebs (athletes, singers, actors, reality show stars, and so on). BG features two types of blinds - solved and unsolved. When posting blind items, Ace normally does so in the form of a “BG12345,” which consists of 5 blind items being presented, one per hour, beginning at a certain time that Ace will often previously announce. Some blinds never get solved (any unsolved blinds are stored in the “uncategorized” category on the site) and are left to forever be a mystery. Those that are solved, however, can be further divided into two types - those that present concrete proof and those that do not. Sometimes Ace will link a major news source reporting on the content of the blind, or present other evidence that proves the solved blind to be true. When this happens, other sources usually pick up the story and it morphs from a rumor into news. Oftentimes, Ace’s blinds are the first to hint at a scandal in a celeb’s life before it even hits the papers. But sometimes (like many of the One Direction blinds) the blind is solved with no real evidence and you have to take Ace’s word for it. Assuming Blind Gossip is truthful on matters that were never concretely proved is pure speculation, andit is crucial to always keep this in mind before one starts taking Ace’s word as gospel.

It is very important to remember that first and foremost, BG is a gossip site. Its entire point is to get hits and make money, whether that is achieved through exposing the truth or concocting/perpetuating lies. To further your understanding of this, please read the following disclaimer from the site, including crucial parts I have bolded for emphasis:

Disclaimer

1. This is a gossip site. Information published on the site – especially information republished from other sites – may be inaccurate or contain errors. BlindGossip.com makes no warranties or guarantees about the accuracy or reliability of the site’s content.

2. The materials on BlindGossip.com’s web site are provided “as is”. BlindGossip.com makes no warranties, expressed or implied, and hereby disclaims and negates all other warranties, including without limitation, implied warranties or conditions of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement of intellectual property or other violation of rights. Further, BlindGossip.com does not warrant or make any representations concerning the accuracy, likely results, or reliability of the use of the materials on its Internet web site or otherwise relating to such materials or on any sites linked to this site.

Secondly, now that we have been properly disclaimed, I have organized some resources below that will serve to explain some things about Blind Gossip’s reputation, and what sets it apart from a typical, trashy gossip site.

This post was originally written by my lovely friend Stefania (she used to have a blog at couldnotspeakasloudasmyheart), and explains a few things about BG’s reliability (scroll down past blog header to read):

Why is Blind Gossip considered a reliable source?

As well as this blind, which demonstrates how seriously Ace takes the content of all blinds & the credibility of BG’s sources:

A Liar Gets Caught

And an ask by gossip-candy that further clarifies Ace’s professionalism:

Gossip Candy

And now that you know what you’re getting into, let’s begin!

This masterpost will serve to organize any and all Blind Gossip entries that may involve certain One Direction members. I will analyze each blind by providing an explanation of any clues that may point to One Direction being the subject(s) of the blind, and which information may signify that the blind is not about them. Clues, you’ll find, can be found both in wordplay and general context. I also provide background for events the blind may be referencing, and try to set a timeframe for any blind that references a specific event/events that happened in the past.

The following blinds have been organized chronologically, and all the titles are linked to their corresponding blinds. On behalf of Ace, I ask that you please do follow the link to read the original blind, in addition to viewing the screenshots I have provided. All credit for any screenshotted blind goes to blindgossip.com.

We’ll begin our journey with the ever-famous (and my personal favorite) “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret,” which was posted to the Blind Gossip site on April 5th, 2012.

1. “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret“ - April 5th, 2012

image

A fantastic place to start our journey! This blind has been analyzed to death, but if you’re not familiar with it, here is a list of clues people picked up on that clearly hint at One Direction:

"singing competition show" » X-Factor

stereotypes » The Bad Boy (Zayn), The Baby (Niall), The Nice One (Liam), leaving Harry&Louis to be The Gay Ones

"beautiful young men" » What Makes You Beautiful

"one" mentioned 6 times » One Direction

"one has a beard" » Louis was dating Eleanor, Harry was single

"up all night" » name of debut album

To me, this is still the most believable blind to date. I try to always remain skeptical with these situations, and I would have chalked it all up to coincidence… had Ace not thrown in “up all night.” All the hints add up, and the name of their debut album inserted so cleverly in the text really just seals the deal for me. Out of all the blinds, this would be one I’d place a bet on.

2. “Floating Pics of One Direction Singer” - July 23rd, 2012

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I actually have never seen a post about this blind, but that is because I am still relatively new to the One Direction fandom and this was back in 2012.

We don’t even have to speculate that this about 1D because hey look, they tell us right there in the title! Now, as we all know, Harry has been deemed the "womanizer" of the group. So personally, I’d venture to guess that this blind is aimed towards him.

3. “Tease and Announcement“ - October 15th, 2012

image

So like I was saying, my blog and I weren’t around in 2012 when this was all going down. But this blind, according to my research, freaked some people out because they thought it was about Louis/Eleanor. I’ve also heard that there was a similar collective freak-out when Eleanor was sporting a fancy Forever 21 ring. So yeah, this is clearly a blind that’s going to warrant some freaking.

This article provides us with the fact that he is a "singer," which at least narrows it down a bit.

Some possible hints that were thrown around:

“one hot young singer” » Surprise, One Direction (This is mostly noteworthy because Ace could have just as easily written “He is a hot younger singer;” using “one” just wasn’t necessary and actually makes the word flow a bit awkward.)

2 mentions of ”beautiful” » What Makes You Beautiful, as well asevery single article known to man referring to Louis’ beautiful girlfriend Eleanor Calder

There’s a lot of speculation on this one and definitely not as many hints. And there’s also the fact that it is 2013 and Louis and Eleanor aren’t engaged or married.

So for now, we’re going to move on. Do not fear, this blind will be revisited in the fifth section. Also, keep the concluding sentence “More later” in the back of your brain.

4. “One of You Will Know The Truth” - October 16th, 2012

image

And here comes some heavy speculation. This article is the least specific yet. No mentions of “performer” or “singer.” Just "young man.“

There are a few hints, though:

"teen/tween" » the majority of 1D’s fanbase, as well as their intended audience

“one day,” ”one of you will know the truth” » One Direction

4 mentions of "Tell her…" » 4 mentions of "Tell me" in Tell Me A Lie:

Tell me I’m a screwed up mess… / Tell me you don’t want my kiss… / Tell me anything… / Tell me a lie

(Special thanks to dlr99 on Blind Gossip for pointing out the Tell her/Tell me comparison in the comments… The paragraph originally made me think of Tell Me A Lie but I thought it was too far of a stretch. But now that I see the number of mentions match the chorus, it seems a little more likely that it was planned.)

Now, it’s funny how this came out a day after the “Tease and Announcement” blind. Actually, it’s not really that funny. These articles go hand-in-hand; that much is clear.

And that’s about all I’ve got on this one. It’s incredibly vague (on purpose, I’m sure) and I can’t say anything for a fact. I can say, however, that this blind will also be briefly revisited in the next section.

5. ”Heartthrob Proposed to Girlfriend” - October 22nd, 2012

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I’m sure you know this blind quite well, and you may be wondering why I am including it.

A lot of people threw around Jelena guesses in the comments section of “Tease and Announcement” and “One of You Will Know The Truth.” Justin/Selena were later revealed as the subjects of this blind (and this blind only). Now, it is very important to note the following:

image

“While he was not the subject of those blinds”

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Blind Gossip basically just told us that these two blinds are not about Justin. Since he was the biggest contender, this now leaves more room for it to be Louis. But like I’ve been saying, this does not prove anything. All I can say is that one of the popular guesses has been more or less eliminated by Ace.

6. “They Won’t Make It To Valentine’s Day” - December 7th, 2012 (SOLVED)

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This blind is hilarious because Harry/Taylor had JUST been photographed as a "real couple" in Central Park Zoo on December 3rd, and people on BG were already guessing “Haylor” as the answer to this blind, which was posted just 4 days later. Some pretty obvious clues include:

“never, ever admit” » We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

“trouble fans” » I Knew You Were Trouble

photo » Taylor is known for making her hands into a heart at her concerts

Valentine’s Day » Taylor starred in a movie by the same name

So basically the answer was crystal clear, so no one was surprised when it was solved.

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Ace gives us a few pretty good gems about how fake this relationship was in the following paragraphs, including:

Why did they break up? Well, we’ll let you in on a little secret: These two couldn’t stand each other! That’s right. They didn’t even like each other! Each one thinks that the other is immature and annoying. Frankly, they are probably both right. While holding hands they grimaced in a way that kids do when they think that someone is giving them the cooties. They really didn’t like kissing each other (that New Year’s Eve kiss was staged), and they certainly never slept together. Yes, all that sneaking in and out of hotels nonsense was totally choreographed.

The purpose of this blind was basically just to confirm what we already knew; Haylor was nothing but a pitiful publicity set-up that wasn’t built to last. However, this would not be the last of the Haylor blinds…

7. “Relationship Runway Rant“ - January 15th, 2013 (SOLVED)

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Surprise! Another obvious one. Some clues that pointed to Harry/Taylor:

"a bad actor” » Let’s be honest here, Harry Styles is not a good faker; his facial expressions in the Haylor pics alone were enough to give them away

“his management team" » From what we have seen, whether it’s the rumored romance of Harry/Caroline Flack or the staged Emma Ostilly kiss, the One Direction management loves a good set-up

“needed the publicity” » Taylor’s album “Red” had been released back in October

“sweet, together girl” » Taylor Swift is, after all, “America’s Sweetheart”

“never getting back together” » We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

Now, at this point in the game, we must remember that it is important to take every Blind Gossip article with a grain of salt. This one was a little harder for me to believe because the quotes in the article are so specific; they would have had to come from a direct source that overheard the entire conversation. However, the hilarious commentary in the “Solved” section dissolved some of my doubts.

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A few notes to Tay Tay, who we hear reads BG:

1. Sweetie, the bodyguards that surround you don’t provide a magic invisibility shield or a soundproof shield.  It might help to remember that the next time you are in a public place.

HAHAHA. So maybe a source did actually overhear her, who knows?

Also:

5. Act your age. Date your age. Oh, and try to date straight boys. They might actually like you.

WELL WELL WELL. Ace, are you trying to say that Harry Styles isn’t straight? Hm. How very interesting.

This is just yet another blind that shows the transparency of “Haylor,” while casually throwing in a hint that Harry Styles may not be the straight womanizer he is portrayed to be.

8. “Two Plus Two Equals Bedlam” - November 19th, 2012 (SOLVED)image

This blind actually didn’t do much to hint at anyone in One Direction originally, at least in the usual wordplay way. There were some context clues, but this wasn’t really on my radar until after it was solved. (This is out of chronological order because it was solved after the Haylor blinds, and only makes sense after reading them.)image

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If indeed true, this blind doesn’t do much except to reinforce the fact that One Direction’s management (and according to Ace, Taylor “Because we needed the f*cking publicity” Swift) will do anything to make sure the boys are always on the public’s radar, no matter the personal cost. (And it demonstrates that, to no surprise, Niall is a really great friend who knows when to say no.)

9. “Two Hotties Interested In One“ - January 18th, 2013

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This one’s a funny one. When it was first posted, there were quite a few clues the fandom believed pointed towards this being about Harry/Louis, such as:

"Two Hotties Are Interested in One,” “which one is worthy of her crush,” “which one she would want to marry”» One Direction

"two talented, under-25 performers” » Harry was 18 and Louis was 21 at this point

"just a couple of years” » One Direction officially started ‘working’ together in 2011, which would have been two years ago

There are also a few, less-concrete hints:

"they don’t look alike” » I mean, this certainly can depend on individual opinion. But honestly, Harry and Louis really don’t look much alike. Besides the obvious differences of short/curvy and tall/flat, their hair/eye color/facial structure are incredibly unique from the other.

“Set-ups with girls are fake” » Fresh off the Haylor train, this comes as no surprise.

The one thing that threw everyone off a bit was the pair being popular among the “young adult” crowd comment. Most of the One Direction fanbase is made of tweens/teens. As a young adult fan myself, I can vouch for our existence, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that we make up the majority of the fanbase. However, the blind goes on to mention “young girls" being interested in them. So that disconnect is something to keep in mind.

Now, shortly after this blind was posted, it was updated to say that it was actually about two actors on a television show, and was correspondingly tagged as “actors, television.” A lot of guesses about Harry/Louis had already been thrown about in the comments section, which is probably why Ace added that it was not about any of the One Direction boys. But, BG still threw us a bone with a little side-comment “(although other blinds might be).”

Even though Blind Gossip says that it’s not about One Direction, it doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t. BG has lied before and said a blind isn’t about someone, and then it is solved to be that very person. So honestly, this one is pretty much up in the air.

10. “He Will Lose His Job If He Comes Out“ - January 24th, 2013

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This blind was interesting. One of the biggest context clues is that "The Gay One" is referenced, which of course was introduced in the very first blind "Boy Banders Hiding A Secret." But which one? The general consensus’ reaction was that it would most likely be about Harry, since no girlfriend/beard was mentioned. This article also uses the word ”one” many times, just like many of the previous blinds. So, to review the specific hints:

“The Gay One" »Throwback to "Boy Banders Hiding A Secret" blind

4 mentions of ”one” » One Direction

"He is not the only one in his group of colleagues to feel this way” » Also another throwback to the “Boy Banders” blind, referencing "The Other Gay One" (assumed to be Louis)

"sell an image” » We all know that Harry’s image is that of a womanizer, and his many high-profile setups prove his management wants that image to sell. He is certainly not alone in this, though; most management nowadays is all about image, so this doesn’t necessarily prove it’s about Harry.

"if he goes rogue” » It’s a bit of a stretch, but parsleybabe pointed out to me that this could be referring to Louis’ first band “The Rogue.” If the blind is about Harry, “going rogue” could possibly refer to “going for Louis.”

The rest of it is very general:

"cute, young celebrity" » Harry’s the youngest in the band, and he is certainly cute, but this description could apply to countless celebs

"part of a group" » this certainly narrows it down, but there are other groups out there it could apply to

substantially older management team » The founders of Modest! are “substantially older;” Richard Griffiths has been in the business for forty years, founding his first agency in 1974; Harry Magee has been in the industry for over thirty years, joining his first company in 1982. However, this is still quite general, as other groups may also have an older management team.

The thing that doesn’t sit right with me is the part that says the other members of the group are "content to play the public game of pretending that they are all straight as long as the paychecks keep rolling in." Perhaps it is just me being idealistic, but having been following the boys for quite a while, they’ve never struck me as the type that are just in it for the money. They are incredibly generous with their donations to charity, and are much more expressive about the fact that they are living their dreams, rather than focusing on the money/fame aspect. Personally, I wouldn’t bet on this one.

11. “He Already Has Someone” - January 31st, 2013 (SOLVED)

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This one was so deliciously obvious. First of all, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the crater of a dimple in Photo Boy’s face. Secondly:

“takes her home" » second album name, Take Me Home

"the blonde is just a friend” » The day before, Harry was spotted with his blonde friend Ellis Calcutt, and the next day articles like this were circulating like wildfire around the Internet:

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Lastly, the part that mentions he "isn’t ready to take it public yet" is reminiscent of the "Two Hotties Interested In One" blind, which mentioned "even if they can’t express it yet in public.”

So really, nobody was surprised when this popped up again on August 8th, 2013:

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Now, down in the solved section of this blind is a little blurb about actress Emily Atack admitting to a “fling” with Harry. The whole thing is emphasized to be very casual, never a “boyfriend and girlfriend” kind of deal. This struck me as quite weird, because even though it seemed BG’s intention was to prove that Harry is already with someone and the setups are fake, they still threw in something about a girl he was “seeing” back in the day. Like I said before, I’m not Ace, so I can’t really tell you what that means. It could have been BG’s way of trying to tiptoe around the subject so as not to get into trouble with any big wigs, or perhaps Ace was just trying to stir the pot a little.

What’s important to take away from this is that all of the clues pointed to Harry, and this blind ended up being about him just as we suspected. One might go so far as to say that a pattern is slowly, but surely, being established.

12. “Porny Reputation“ - February 7th, 2013 (SOLVED)

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This one got pretty hilarious, especially within the fandom. When this blind surfaced, the Internet exploded with the name “Jack Styles.” He does certainly resemble Harry, and the sharing of “Styles” is a pretty big clue. Take a look:

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The video in question is years old, from back in August 2009, but a video doesn’t necessarily have to be new to “surface.” And according to my research, Harry’s “look-alike” had been circulating through the Tumblrsphere before the blind was even posted.

A few context clues include:

"one of the world’s biggest young stars" » This isn’t specific by any  means, but let’s be honest… Who in the world doesn’t at least know Harry Styles’ name at this point? He dominates the media, and he’s also the youngest in the band. We can assume he is at least a likely candidate. (Also, one of the world’s biggest stars » One Direction)

"a collective heart attack” » Heart Attack, track on the Take Me Home album

Now, if this is indeed about Jack/Harry Styles, BG made a few errors. Jack Styles has been Jack Styles since 2009, so he didn’t name himself after Harry. Secondly, he doesn’t even do porn anymore! According to his profile (WARNING: link leads to mature content), he only did five videos in 2009. (The Harry look-alike pictures come from the video with Sean Taylor). So this one is a bit of a toss-up. The details certainly check out, and in some shots he does very much look like Harry, but one can never be sure.

SOLVED! Well, look at that! Quite out of the blue, this blind has been solved on November 6th, 2013:

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I have no idea why this blind was solved at such a random time. Perhaps Ace was running dry on One Direction news and wanted some hits. Who knows? Anyway, this blind didn’t necessarily need “proof” to be solved, but it does demonstrate that we were right in our assumptions that it was about Harry. Porny case closed.

13. “Publicity Proposal Pending” - February 14th, 2013 (SOLVED May 7th, 2013)image

This one got an interesting reaction. It was posted just in time for Valentine’s Day, which is pretty funny when you consider the very first Haylor blind. No one missed Ace’s clue of “moving in that direction,” soa lot of Elounor guesses were thrown around, as well as Zerrie, and a select few for Payzer. The alliteration in the title was a more subtle clue (Payne/Peazer/Payzer), but it did indeed end up being about Liam:image

Once again, Ace emphasizes the management’s wish for the boys to push a straight image with his description of “Desirable, heterosexual young men.” We can observe that Ace’s comments in the solved sections are establishing a steady pattern of hinting (or blatantly stating) that one or more of the members may not be straight.

Now, do you remember the “Tease and Announcement” blind? It ended with the phrase "More later.“ Look how Ace ends this one:

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"You’ll see soon enough…" Hm. That’s a nice throwback to “More later,” eh? Since “Tease and Announcement” wasn’t solved along with the Payzer blind, and Ace informed us that it was not about Jelena, Elounor is still an incredibly strong contender. With comments like “More later” and “You’ll see soon enough,” it certainly seems like Ace is warning us to prepare for another engagement setup.

14. “Popstar Is Just Pretending” - February 22nd, 2013

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Not much to this one. The timing is hilarious, because Louis and Eleanor had just gone to the Topshop fashion show earlier in the week, on the 17th. If we want to get tinhatty, the girl in the photo is sporting a pretty Eleanor-esque bun. Also, the fact that the listed source is the Mirror is interesting, because we all know the Mirror loves printing any scandalous One Direction story, whether it’s true or not. This one is obviously meant to be pretty obscure, so I’ll leave it be for now.

15. “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret Trailer“ - April 24th, 2013

So after more than a year, let’s talk about how BG posted this fan-made trailer, which presents One Direction as the subject of their infamous blind:

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Tell me, why exactly would Ace post this if it was the wrong answer?

Like I said, this blind is certainly one I’d place a bet on. Convinced yet?

16. “They Were Involved Before the Show” - May 22nd, 2013

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I really don’t think this blind is related to One Direction. At all. I’m only including it because it was the subject of some speculation, mostly from people thinking that it may be suggesting that Harry and Louis had dated before the X Factor days. They were at the same Script concert, yes, but according to them, they didn’t know each other at that time. And if they had met and dated two years before the show, Harry would have been 14 and Louis would have been 17. I’m just not buying it.

The only clue I see is the ”one really cute couple.” That’s pretty much it. I really don’t think that One Direction is necessarily defined by their X Factor days (I know that’s how they began, but they didn���t actually win), and the blind is tagged as “television.” It’s true that the “Two Hotties Interested in One" blind was tagged as “television” as well, but that was long after it was posted, and may have been an attempt to throw us off. If anything, the rainbow of colors featured in the picture is making me think it’s Glee-related.

I’m not feeling this one, so let’s move on.

17. “Traveling In Different Directions“ - July 24th, 2013

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I am however, feeling this one. Ah, Ace. Could we get any more obvious? Some clues:

"Traveling In Different Directions,” “same direction”» One Direction

Two very prominent "1"s on road sign » One Direction

Salt Lake City on road sign » The following day, One Direction played at the Maverik Center, which is located in a suburb of none other than Salt Lake City

"boy banders" »Lest we forget “Boy Banders AreHiding A Secret!” (Also, none of the boy bands currently on tour have girlfriends who are publicized even nearly as much as Eleanor.)

“They won’t make it to the end of the year” » Reminiscent of "They Won’t Make It To Valentine’s Day" blind

There is no doubt in my mind that this is about One Direction. And since Zayn/Perrie were not traveling together (she left the USA just as 1D arrived) and Liam/Danielle were already broken up, Elounor is the last option left. This blind may as well already be solved.

18. “Winter Break” - July 29th, 2013

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This one is hilariously obvious as well. Ace is throwing us a lot of bones. The blind mentions “boy banders” right off the bat, and then goes on to pile on the hints:

“one of the boys,” “one of them,” “one prefers Speedos” » surprise, One Direction

“a bit more modest” “Forget modest!” » Modest! Management, anyone? With the exclamation point and everything!

It literally could not be more obvious, especially with Modest! thrown into the mix. There are also some speculations the fandom has made about which boy is which:

"one of them wants to hit the slopes” » Harry/Louis took a skiing holiday together back in 2011… Harry tweeted that Louis taught him to ski in Courchevel, so obviously Lou is pretty practiced at it

"the other wants to go to a beach” » Harry literally just said in a q&a on twitter on August 19th that he loves the ocean

“one prefers Speedos" » Let’s be honest, Harry’s never really been shy when it comes to showing off his undies (or what is under them) Here is a pic of Harry on the “pot yacht” for your viewing pleasure:image

"one prefers to be a bit more modest" » We have very few shirtless Louis pictures to speak of, at least in comparison to Harry. Here is a pic of him on the pot yacht as well. Spot the difference: image

If this blind is indeed legit, there is no doubt in my mind that it is about our dear Harry and Louis. The pieces fit perfectly, and the hints about an Elounor break-up are slowly but surely building up. Stay tuned!

19. “Ring Shopping” - August 16th, 2013

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So as it happens, Louis and Eleanor were spotted shopping together in Beverly Hills on August 13th, three days before this blind was posted. And it just so happens that they were photographed in what appears to be a jewelry store on Rodeo Drive.

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I heard many rumors about this picture: that it may have been photoshopped, that they were actually checking into a hotel, or that it was a Rolex store. I’m not sure how any of these theories check out, but either way, people were still freaking out like they always do. So yes, Ace. Of course it got our attention.

There are no wordplay clues in this blind to speak of. The only reason it immediately brings Elounor to mind is because it came three days after the picture was taken.

This blind just reinforces the fact that Ace is watching… Always watching.

20. “Third Time’s A Charm“ - August 21st, 2013

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I have to say that after making this masterpost, I saw this coming.

Ace has stopped using wordplay clues, and started giving it to us straight.

Forced Guy/Girlfriend » Liam/Danielle, as reported and solved in “Publicity Proposal Pending” blind

Ring Shopping Guy/Girlfriend » Louis/Eleanor, as hinted at in “Ring Shopping” blind

Now, the engaged couple is quite obviously Zayn and Perrie. Perrie was spotted with a diamond ring on her finger on August 20th at the This Is Us movie premiere. Sources report that Zayn had asked her the weekend before.

What this blind fails to do, however, is take us farther than that. We know that management was pushing for one of the boys to get engaged. What we don’t know is whether or not this one is a fake engagement.

Ace blatantly states that the Payzer engagement was for publicity, and that Louis/Eleanor are “definitely” not getting married. What Ace says about the newest engagement, however, is only that one of the boys "pulled off the engagement bit" and then goes on to say "Congratulations to the happy couple!”

To be honest, I am not sure where this leaves Zayn and Perrie. To me, it seems that Ace could be saying the two are genuinely and maybe even happily engaged, but that the union was sped up by managerial pressure. However, Ace could also be saying it’s all just another publicity stunt. (But if Ace wanted us to believe it was a publicity engagement, it begs the question: Why was neither Little Mix nor Perrie’s own celebrity image hinted at in the blind? A publicity engagement, after all, would benefit her as well.) We only got two sentences about the newest engagement that really only told us what we already knew. There is no mention of publicity, or the couple not being genuine, or the couple having problems. So what is Ace even trying to say here?

I think this blind was left open-ended for a reason. So let’s keep our eyes peeled for more info.

21. “Double Date Sleepover“ - September 3rd, 2013

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Okay, I literally don’t know why this was posted because there is nothing to figure out here. It’s common knowledge that Harry and Liam were offering an evening out in London to raise money for Trekstock for one fan and a friend. But Ace did throw in "best double date ever" as a hint just in case you didn’t get it. Sooo… blind solved! But will this lead to more? We’ll have to wait and see!

22. “Behind This Gorgeous Young Couple” - September 13th, 2013

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Never fear, Ace is here!! Here we have yet another BG clarification on the difference between real life and publicity.

On August 31, Harry and Cara Delevingne were spotted on a ”romantic theater date,” and reports are now circulating that they are dating and considering “getting serious.”

The photo is a nice starting point for a guess, because the girl is blonde, the guy is dark-haired, and let’s not forget how many pictures there are of Harry in that exact pose, giving a little side smooch to fans, bandmates, etc.!

There aren’t any wordplays in this blind that I can detect, but "hearts breaking all over the world,“ "cute young male performer" and "he has a lot more fans than she does" at least points toward Harry, before driving it home with the mention of "his famous relationship last year with that very pretty singer" and Ace wondering if he’s become a "better actor." This is, of course, a reference to the Haylor nightmare that began last December, and casts Taylor Swift as the "very pretty singer.”

A lot of gems can be found in the fourth paragraph. It makes sense that the two “don’t mind hanging out together,” because Cara and Harry have always got on pretty well. However, the jackpot is found in the mention of their respective reputations being boosted as “a desirable heterosexual celebrity.” Remember this?

If you’re unfamiliar with the above blind, last year there was heavy speculation that something saucy was going on behind the scenes with Cara (model) and Rita Ora (singer, UK).

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To sum things up, the answer Ace is looking for is clearly Harry, Cara, and Taylor Swift. I’m sure there will be more where this came from, so stay tuned.

23. “Faux Couple Photo“ - September 30th, 2013

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Ah, Ace. You never let me down.

So, as we all know, yesterday this photo was posted on Instagram by one waltermartinez3:

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This picture is of Paige Reifler, an aspiring “model” who’s been linked with Harry numerous times, and Harry, in a seemingly comprising position. I’m going to begin with my analysis of the blind. If you are unfamiliar with the background to this picture, please see the corresponding section below.

Beginning with wordplay clues:

"one thing that publicists never tire of” » Up All Night track, One Thing

"private moments” » What could be more private than closet canoodling? Also, could be a stretch, but let’s not forget that Moments is also a 1D song.

"the best staged photos,” “the best ones” » Best Song Ever

“one thing,” “best ones,” “the ones,” “one where” » One Direction (The overuse of “one” seems to be a favorite of Ace’s)

Now, for contextual clues:

The first hint we have is ”young male star on the floor, entangled with his girlfriend in a loving and 'spontaneous' embrace.” Harry matches this description, and he has certainly been linked to Paige enough in the past for her to qualify as his "girlfriend" to the ill-informed. And the embrace definitely does seem spontaneous… For poor Harry, at least, considering his defensive stance. Other (obvious) clues:

"faces cleverly obscured" » by the hanging shirts

his tattoo » Harry’s "Things I Can’t" tattoo is clearly visible on his left arm

Ace ends the blind in classic Ace-style, with yet another insinuation that Harry Styles’ straight, womanizing image isn’t who he really is:

"Are you buying the hetero image they are trying to give him? Well, you shouldn’t. Because the girl in the photo isn’t the true love of his life.”

This blind is tantalizingly specific in its clues, and it was posted within a mere 24 hours of the photo’s posting. Very few media sources picked up on it right away, but we were all anticipating something from BG. This tells us two things: 1) BG knows when to deliver and 2) Ace is always watching.

That’s all for now, but keep a wary eye on BG’s “Solved” section. You never know what might turn up.

BACKGROUND: Now, if you are unfamiliar with this series of unfortunate events, buckle in, because there is a lot to it. The guy that posted this picture, Walter Martinez, is one of Stephen Orso’s crew. If you’ll recall, back in late June/early July, Stephen Orso, Paige, and some friends met up with Harry in NJ. He gave them free tickets to his show and they proceeded to completely shit all over his generosity, taking a video of them in the audience pretending to sleep, filing their nails, and leaving early. Other things were revealed after the fact, such as the awful content of Stephen’s twitter. Harry then tweeted his infamous “You my friend, are not my kind of Pal” tweet. Basically, it was a huge mess for Harry. (You can read in detail about Harry’s first interaction with Stephen and his crew here.)

Now, as for the photo, this picture of Paige and Harry was posted to Stephen’s Instagram on June 30th. As you can see, their outfits are the same as the photo above. It’s definitely Paige, and it’s definitely Harry.

How do we know Stephen was involved in this Instagram pic? The asshole was tweeting the pic to TMZ down in the comments.

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Paige wasn’t having it, and commented the following:

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She later tweeted (her Twitter is private, or I would link it) “Revenge is childish. Hope you’re happy.“ So on Paige’s side, it was made out to be a big revenge plot.

As of now, the photo has been deleted from Instagram.

What I have presented above are just the basic facts of the situation. For more resources, check out gossipcandy.com.

You can also read a bit more about Paige here. In summary, she’s always looking for attention, and worst of all, she got what she wanted. Now that she’s been exposed, hopefully we’ll be seeing much less of her.

And that, my friends, concludes the background section. If you have any questions or need a clarification, feel free to message me.

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ACE’S ‘DARK’ PERIOD

These blinds get their own section because they demonstrate a complete turnaround in Ace, in both writing style and intention, that I am choosing to call Ace’s “dark” period. As of late, Ace has begun solving blinds dealing with very serious/sensitive content with no proof to back up his claims, and has targeted and attacked certain celebrities with absolutely no holds barred.

Brace yourselves, and let’s begin.

1. “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” - October 15th, 2013

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Well, it had to happen eventually… Bad news blind. Let’s get to it. First, the wordplay clues:

“who don’t know what it is going on behind the scenes” » At first I thought this was a typo, but now I’m thinking it could very well be a hint at Louis’ “It is what it is” tattoo.

winter vacation » throwback to “Winter Break“ blind

"the first one,” “one of our boys” » One Direction, as per usual

Now, onto the context. First of all, Ace tells us that the couple’s relationship “has become increasingly difficult to manage.” Having followed their movements, there has been no visible change in behavior between Harry and Louis during these past few months that the fandom has observed. This is not to say there may not be trouble brewing behind the scenes, but I would think that if someone in the relationship truly did cheat, that kind of tension would certainly translate to the stage, subtly or not.

So, who is this other guy? Ace provides us with very few clues, besides the fact that he’s "not a member of the band" and "had a relationship with one of our boys." We also know that the lover scorned is not a big fan of this person, with Ace’s addition of ”Of all the people in the world, why did it have to be him?” at the end of the blind. The most popular guess so far among fans has been Nick Grimshaw. He does fit what Ace seems to be getting at, to a point; Nick and Harry did hang out a lot in the past/still do occasionally, and the media loves to label Nick "Harry’s bff" and speculate whether or not they’re in a some sort of secret relationship. However, Nick immediately coming to mind as the “other guy” in this blind is also due to timing. Earlier this month, Nick and Louis engaged in a bit of a Twitter war.

It began when Louis tweeted this:

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Nick then not-so-subtly commented the following on The Breakfast Show (credit to grincham-n-larry for the dialogue):

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Louis, seemingly having gotten wind of the comment, fired back with this equally not-so-subtle tweet:

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And Nick got sassy:

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It’s clear that Louis isn’t a big fan of Nick’s, which makes the Grims a likely contender for this blind. However, I’m not buying any of it. Why? This blind absolutely reeks of promotion. Not only does One Direction have a new album being released in November, the second season of “Sweat the Small Stuff,” a television program Nick is hosting, premiered on October 15th - the exact day of this blind.

Here are a few things we need to consider before we lend this blind any credibility whatsoever:

Assuming Nick is the “other guy” and even that Harry is the one that cheated is pure speculation. Ace did not give us any specific clues (which he certainly has in other blinds) to point to one or the other; this blind is open-ended. This probably means that we were meant to guess and make a fuss.

The lack of specifics in this blind could mean that the source was lacking in knowledge. The whole thing could easily be bullshit.

Promotion, promotion, promotion! As they say in showbiz, any promotion is good promotion. Ace is not immune to being fed false info, for promotional reasons or otherwise. True or false, BG’s blinds will still get hits.

Ace had implied that Eleanor will be gone soon, but now she is coming to Australia. This blind could be Ace’s way of covering up the fact that his prediction has yet to happen. (Credit to Lisa)

Also, keep in mind that One Direction just signed a new music contract and will most likely be dropping Modest! management when the (suspected) 3-year contract is up at the end of this year. With Harry’s “We don’t need no piece of paper from the city hall” tweet that spurred marriage rumors and the recent tension in the Twittersphere involving Louis’ family, Eleanor, etc., sending false info about cheating to Ace could be one last attempt by Modest! to push the heterosexual images they have worked so tirelessly over the years to perpetuate.

Just like any other blind, this one must be taken with a grain of salt. It is very generalized, and very open to interpretation. It was meant to get attention and it did.

As Ace has promised to “fill us in later,” keep an eye out for an update.

2. “Band Hotel Drama Part 1, 2, and 3" - October 16th, 2013

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After these blinds popped up, it certainly seemed like the “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” blind had ushered in a new era of Blind Gossip that demonstrated a complete change in Ace. As I began to explain in the intro to this section, blinds began to be solved with absolutely no real proof (such as the Monchele scandal or the Jo Bros “Fake Bump” blind) and Ace’s writing style seemed to have changed. The writing even started getting a little sloppy - For example, Part 1 of this series originally had the “Two Guys who shared a room” bit attached to the bottom, when that blind hadn’t even begun to approach that particular topic. It was shortly removed.

But what is even stranger is that these blinds seem to have gotten their info from a rumor post on Tumblr… that went around in March. A Tumblr user (who has requested to remain anonymous) apparently had some personal connections that caused her to be privy to certain information about the boy’s stay in a hotel room in Cardiff, and she made a post about this information back in early March. (The boys were in Cardiff from March 1st-3rd, performing in four matinee performances - beginning with an opening show on Friday, two on Saturday, and ending with one final show on Sunday. {source} )

The original post (now deleted - if you have it on your blog, feel free to send it to me) about the Cardiff hotel incident contained the following info {credit to bromanceshmomance}:

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However, when all 3 of the blinds were released, it seems not everything matched up with what she had been told:

imageimageSo the coke clean-up was incredibly exaggerated (if it even happened in the first place), there were no fans outside, and no rooms were empty, contrary to what Ace claimed.

Now that we’ve covered the content, what about the writing style? There are very few wordplay clues - “one" is used a mere three times in total (one more story, one of the rooms, one bed) but it is not in the usual clever way; in fact, there’s really no other way to word these phrases, so they don’t even actually seem like clues. And that’s it. No other wordplay to speak of. Where is the clever wordsmith Ace, who planted hints in the text left and right, that we knew so well? This writing style just doesn’t match up with the other blinds - Even the “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” blind had a few witty wordplays tossed in. Not to mention the complete lack of mentions of “boy band" that we’ve learned to expect. Hell, at this rate, looks like Ace might have picked up a coke habit too!

We don’t know if Ace found this post on Tumblr (which would be strange as the blogger informed me that it was untagged and hidden under a read more) or was sent some sort of tip about it (either from someone who read the post on Tumblr, or possibly someone who had firsthand knowledge of the incident, which honestly is pretty unlikely as it happened MONTHS ago). I honestly don’t know what to make of these blinds. It’s clear Ace wanted hits, and it’s clear he got them, but as to their credibility, I just really can’t say for sure. The timing is incredibly strange, the content even stranger, and there is absolutely zero concrete evidence. I’m just going to leave it at that.

2. “Backstage with Sniffy“ - November 4th, 2013

image

*heavy sigh* Again, with the coke rumors.

Not much to this one, either. There are two references of “one” (one young singer and one of those fans), the reference of “in a private hotel room with friends” (probable throwback to the “Band Hotel Drama" series), and the picture of the very green, very Harry Styles-esque eyeball.

Upon first reading the blind, I immediately thought it was about Justin Bieber. But Ace clearly couldn’t have that, so he threw in the hint at the bottom that it was not the Biebs. The few clues we do have are at the very least pointing in Harry Styles’ general direction - Especially with the huge green eye staring you down.

However, I don’t give any of these blinds credence until I am presented with actual proof. (And I’m no drug expert, but I imagine a serious cocaine addiction would begin to show in Harry’s features/behavior on stage.) When Ace gets some actual evidence to support all these coke rumors, then we’ll talk. But for now, like any unsolved blind, it’s all up in the air.

NEW: Here’s an interesting theory by smokesandyou about Ace’s sudden personality shift, beginning with the “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” blind all the way through “Backstage with Sniffy.”

—

OTHER/MISCELLANEOUS

Blinds where Harry is mentioned:

The Seven Celebrity Dwarfs [Part 3] - August 23rd, 2013

Moody at the VMAs - August 26th, 2013

—

Other past speculated blinds I did not analyze:

“Boy Bander Is Undecided“ - April 12th, 2012

This blind came shortly after “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret.”

“Beware of the Grouper” - April 23rd, 2012

Ish. My bets are on this being about someone from The Wanted. They’ve actually admitted to shit like this.

“Fake Relationship Starts Next Month“ - July 9th, 2012

This was speculated to be about Niall/Demi Lovato, but that ship never sailed!

“Pop Star Should Watch the Waistline” - October 2nd, 2012

Lol. Oh, Niall.

“Boy Bander Has A Secret Lover“ - December 3rd, 2012

I guess since the guy in the picture resembles Niall slightly, everyone thought this blind was about him? Who knows. If Niall was bedding a porn star back then, I’d give him props.

“Pop Star Can’t Decide” - April 8th, 2013

This one is much too general to properly analyze, but I’m including it because the source is listed as the Daily Mirror (of UK origin), which led to many people guessing the 1D boys.

—

So there you have it, folks! Keep an eye out for future updates. And if you have questions, comments, or want to submit a blind for analysis, feel free to message me!

xoxo, sweetenoughandfaraway

[t1dlikeme]

Sofie's Story

“When you recognize that failing doesn’t make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things.” ~ Lauren Fleshman, is one of my favorite quotes, and something to remind myself in terms of diabetes management, training, and life! 

Diagnosis 

As a shy high school multi-sport athlete (track, soccer, and skiing) in Albuquerque, NM, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at age 16. I went from 2nd in state in the 800 my Sophomore year, to struggling to staying awake in class as a 4.0 student and barely making it through practices and workouts. With no history or knowledge of T1D in my family, we didn’t recognize the symptoms—I had a head-to-toe rash after swimming in waterfalls in Hawaii (may have triggered it) followed by months of losing weight despite eating jars of peanut butter and food each week just to keep energy—which my doctor at first thought “she’s a growing athlete” but we got bloodwork anyways. A week later, after yet another frustrating track meet, I was in the hospital with a blood sugar of 586, and was pumped to finally figure it out (until about 3 hours later when I remember eating a pear and seeing my blood sugar skyrocket, I burst into tears realizing how much of a change it would be!) 

Fast Forward…A Few Years 

After basically wanting to forget about high school (hiding in the bathroom to take shots, self-conscious and developed anxiety about weight gain post-diagnosis and just wanting to fit in), I needed something different. Although being a perfectionist and being shy / hiding from others gave me time to master my A1C early, it wasn’t sustainable and I internalized it all—until I got to college. 2000 miles from home, I chose Marquette 1) for the biomedical engineering program, and 2) for receiving a D1 Soccer Scholarship as a goalkeeper, but what I didn’t realize, is it would teach me to open up about my diagnosis and become a better athlete and advocate. I confided in my athletic trainer, who helped me with check-ins during practice (which could sometimes go 1-2 hours over the scheduled time!), and realizing we needed about ½ cup of gatorade + water every hour, supplemented with pedialyte during preseason. It was nice having my trainer, since I could get around going straight to the coaches (at first I didn’t want it to be seen as a weakness!) and she could carry around my gear for me, if needed.  

While goalkeeping allowed for easier access to management during games, practices, etc. I continued to find myself gravitating towards running, strength, and conditioning. My senior year, I began to go for runs while we were on away trips and started to become hooked—I found new ways to manage my BG’s and low intensity running basically was ‘insulin in my back pocket.! After finishing my collegiate soccer career, I joined the ‘Run with the President’ running group at Marquette with Dr. Michael Lovell (our MU President). It was around this time that another faculty member, John Klika, took me to coffee and was fascinated by my thesis research of designing a lifestyle computer algorithm and model to predict glucose and hormonal levels based on activity, stress, diet, etc. It turns out he was Type 1 himself—and a multi-ironman athlete.  

With a newfound confidence and support group, I gradually built my mileage and learned so many things from John about management, who also joined the running group and convinced me to run my first half marathon. It went really well—until, the group said next step: “the marathon.” I was like absolutely no way, I came from sprints up and down the field and have Type 1 Diabetes—I'm not sure I’m ready for that!  But, I’m not one to step down from the challenge, and I had the group helping me through the whole way. I remember my first 18-miler—5 miles from the end, I couldn’t run more than 5 steps as I couldn’t keep my blood sugar up, even with having the proper supplies, and I was just defeated. My body wasn’t used to this, having to rely primarily on glucose as fuel, instead of an intensity and fuel mix. But, I kept going—my track workouts got faster, and my next long run, 20 miles, no stopping! (It’s also important to note that I was also doing some triathlon training too, which helped keep a balance).  

I was ready and excited. Dexcom in my shorts pocket, 3 gels and gummy bears (of course), and friends cheering every step of the way! It couldn’t have been more perfect—flat line BG’s, fuel every 45 min to steady, the adrenaline rush at the 22-mile mark (the furthest I’d ever run in my life!), all propelling me to a 3rd place finish in 2:52. That was one of the best beers, post-race, I’d ever had in my life. This finish created numerous opportunities for me, including becoming a founding member of Diabetes Sports Project, JDRF Keynote talks, and more training—I wanted to try and qualify for Olympic Marathon Trials (2:45).  Unfortunately, along with these positives, came a very long string (~2-3 years) of off and on injuries—I walked 13 miles of the Boston Marathon in 2017 with a tibial stress fracture, the first of a few, and just could not catch a break. These times had a lot of lows, but taught me the resilience of having other outlets, support communities, and managing my diabetes without the ability to exercise all the time (I had started to rely on this as a form of natural ‘insulin’ all through college and into running).  

Looking back, these years of ups-and-downs were crucial to my development of outreach and community, my career, and finding the right balance of strength and running to stay healthy (turns out, soccer weight training had a lot to do with my injury free 25 years of my life!). I like to call this time falling not failing, something my therapist came up with (yes, I was seeing one, for anxiety and some low grade depression, which is something I will talk about now, since I think it is incredibly important that if you have any of these feelings, especially as a T1D, you are not alone!).  I took a job as a medical device engineer at Dexcom and moved to San Diego, CA, acting as a liaison between clinical, regulatory, quality, design and systems engineers, which was the perfect place for me as a T1D! I started the Dexcom Running Club, and from that, have some of the fondest memories. San Diego is also where I joined Prado Racing Team (PRT), and found my coach, Paul Wellman, who I still work with today.  PRT helped me find the love of running again, and I PR’d in every distance while training with them, and having a lot of fun doing so!  

My time in San Diego culminated with making an attempt at running an Olympic Trials qualifying time at CIM 2019, which I just missed in 2:49. It was such an incredible experience, however, even with missing my goal—3-minute PR, running with teammates, HEALTHY and injury-free for an entire training period, and friendships. I did have a diabetes learning experience, though, which I will take forward with future races—not all nuun is ‘carb-free’! It was on the course, and I assumed it was the zero-carbs flavor, so I took it at almost every aide station, causing me to sharply rise at about Mile 11 (especially coupled with adrenaline), which unfortunately caused some cramping around Mile 15 and slowed me off my 2:43 pace. Luckily, I was able to power through, and I will be more prepared next time.  

Current:  

I have recently moved back to Albuquerque, NM, where I grew up.  After looking for an opportunity to grow my career and move into management, this was the right move for me, and is now allowing me to explore altitude training and new heights, literally and figuratively! My family is still here, and with COVID, it has been nice to be close (and living with my boyfriend, Steve). While I am not training for any races in particular, I’m making attempts at a sub 5:00 mile (currently at 5:05 at altitude) as a ‘mini’ goal, and just trying to enjoy the simplicities of running! I am getting back into the volunteering scene, particularly with my non-profit, Diabetes Sports Project, and of course, JDRF.  

Some Tips, Tricks, and Life Lessons! 

Always be prepared—gummy bears in my sports bra are my favorite! I’ve learned many lessons along the way, including one of my first solo long run experiences with a low blood sugar and having to ask gas stations for a Gatorade that I would come back and pay for later (not my finest moment, but turns out, people can be very helpful!). Always carry a card or cash and know your numbers. Plus, some great times of having snacks on hand: my running buddies favorite line is “Hey Sof! How’s your BG?” “Great!! Why?” “Can I have some of your snacks….).” They need it too, and are thankful for it when they bonk! 

Train with people who know you at your best and at your worst, and your symptoms—those are the ones that can push you through tough workouts to the end when you don’t think you can run one more rep or mile, or can more importantly, tell you when you need a break and to take a step back. It’s often trial and error in knowing what intensities affect your blood sugar the most, but with a community, you can’t fail—you learn. As unpredictable as it is sometimes, Type 1 actually can give you an athletic edge. You have to know what your blood sugar is at all times, and how your body is feeling. No one else has to do that! 

Sofie Schunk

[jaketapper]

Dartmouth Commencement 2017

President Hanlon, Board of Trustees, distinguished faculty, fellow honorees; Magnificent alumni including and especially my dad, Class of 1961; My wife, Jennifer ... and with her in mind ... Members of the admissions committee for the Dartmouth Classes of 2029 and 2032, who are right now for the first time hearing the names Alice Tapper, age 9, and Jack Tapper, age 7; Friends of mine from the Class of 1991—Hillman, Scully, Haber, Kessler, Miller, Groq, Barts, Edison—most of whom I met 30 years ago this fall in the Choates, which I’m still not convinced is not a psychological experiment by Dartmouth Housing. They are here today, because if you want it to happen, friendships formed here can last for the rest of your lives; Rejoicing families; And most importantly, you—glorious, brilliant, ambitious, determined members of the Dartmouth College Class of 2017. A proud member of the class of 1925 once wrote: “The more that you read The more things you will know The more that you learn The more places you’ll go.” This is from a book that probably all of you have received as a gift this week. And it’s true that the more that you read and the more that you learn, the more places you may very well go. But while I revere Dr. Seuss, by necessity he left a few things out. He didn’t tell you that there are a lot of unread and uninquisitive – but well-connected – heathen going very far and doing very well. In the real world, not only is the Lorax still battling the Once-ler—he also has to deal with the Once-ler's Super PAC. And his nasty, nasty tweets. Dr. Seuss often depicted the world as he wished it, with endings that were just and lessons that were learned. But that is not the world you are about to enter. The world outside of Hanover can be cold. Not “walking from the River Cluster to Dartmouth Hall in February to make a 7:45 a.m. language drill” cold, but cold. It has been said, “He who stays the longest learns the most.” Actually, that wasn’t actually said by anyone; it was once carved on the wall in the basement bathroom of Alpha Chi. But it is true! Though no doubt some of you after all are way smarter than I am – many of you, probably – especially you with the glasses in the third row—I have picked up a few things along the way. “He who stays the longest learns the most.” Wise words from someone who probably had his pants down. I wonder if whoever took that little knife and carved that into the Alpha Chi basement bathroom wall ever imagined that one day it would be invoked in a commencement address? Whatever the case, it has truth. It speaks to the wisdom one accrues merely by continuing to exist and paying a modicum of attention. So, what tangible advice do I have to share, having departed from this campus 26 years ago? First, let me offer the quick and easy stuff. OK? Always write thank-you notes. Be a big tipper. Always split Aces and Eights. Floss. Call your folks. Invest in a good mattress. Shine your shoes. Don’t tweet, post, Instagram, or email anything you wouldn’t feel comfortable seeing on the front page of The New York Times. Be nice to seniors. Be nice to children. Remember birthdays. Never miss an opportunity to charge an electronic device. Use two-step verification. Shake it off. Shake it off. Stretch before exercising. Stretch after exercising. Exercise. Never play keno. Never drink airplane coffee. Never pay $200 for a pair of jeans. Never wear jean shorts; and No one has ever had fun on a paddleboat. You can get that from YouTube later. Those are the easy ones. But there are a few harder-fought lessons into which I would like to delve a bit further. The first one is about you, right now. For you, my dearest Class of 2017. Even if you have jobs or grad school lined up, you are no doubt stressing a bit about the question: What are you going to do with the rest of your life? And my first serious bit of advice to you is: Do not worry if you do not know what you want to do with the rest of your life; it is OK if you take years to figure it out. Wall Street, Silicon Valley, law school—they ain’t going anywhere. I did not become a full-time journalist until I was almost 29. It took me a little time to figure out where my particular qualities of annoying persistence, uncomfortable observations, and curiously rooted self-regard might best be suited. Now, our society worships the prodigies. The Mozarts. To paraphrase Tom Lehrer, it is a sobering thought to consider that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for twelve years. But to measure success by how old you are when you achieve it is silly. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer wasn’t published until Mark Twain was 41. Do not stress if you have no idea what you want to do with the rest of your life. View these years, where your responsibilities are relatively few, as a journey, as an adventure. Adventures are not seamless trips from point A to point B; they have ups and downs and obstacles. And every crappy internship, every rude boss, every remedial chore that makes you wonder, “Why did I bother working so hard to get into Dartmouth and graduate from Dartmouth?”—it is all part of this voyage. Every step of my trip to this stage today taught me something and guided me to here. The fall after graduation, I went to film school. I could not have been more unhappy. Flash forward a few years, more misery in Washington, DC, as the worst public relations flunky in the history of relating to the public. These were periods of ennui, angst, sturm undt drang, and many other words only the Europeans could have come up with. I felt like a complete and utter failure. All part of the adventure. Do not take these moments that you will someday soon experience as failings or even as wrong turns. Public relations and my ineptitude in it steered me away from the world of spin, but it also showed me how PR executives spin, which gave me insight into how to cut through it. And, more importantly, it was while supporting myself as a PR flunky that I began writing freelance newspaper stories. And that led me to my first full-time job as a reporter at Washington City Paper, a tiny free weekly newspaper, with an editor who was like a one-man journalism school, who saw in me a young man who did not take mistakes and errors seriously enough and browbeat that attitude out of me. If I had not worked under that man at that free weekly newspaper, I would not be on this stage right now. At the risk of sounding like Oprah, embrace this adventure. Throw yourself into it. Now. How to get started? You know how your parents used say when you were younger that the world doesn’t revolve around you? You’re about to find out what they meant. Because, believe it or not, until now, crudely speaking, the academic worlds in which you’ve been safely ensconced have been all about you—your teachers and your coaches, professors and advisers, from UGAs to President Hanlon—they have been focused on not only your education but your experience and your personal growth. You are about to leave a warm and nutritious womb. Freshman trips, freshman groups, sophomore summer, tea at Sanborn, the Phys Ed requirement, all the rest... this incredible support system, these teams of people whose job it has been to turn you into an adult with skills and smarts and tools – caring about your mixers, about your happiness, about your comfort, about your birth control needs, about whether or not you drink responsibly, whether you’re doing okay, making sure you go to the dentist. I'm sorry to say, that ends tomorrow. You now have to do that for yourselves, and for each other. Now, my little baby birds, you are expected to fly. Coach. Last row, middle seat. There will be no UGA down the hall in your first apartment, and if there is one, that's not really a UGA; that's just a creepy dude trying to get on your Wi-Fi. Now I’m not saying you should be scared about what tomorrow might bring. The real world's a cool place. There are plenty of nice and kind people. There's live music, fresh juices, hotels that don’t charge for the minibar. But the real world, unlike what you've experienced here, is a place of transaction. What does that mean? Practically speaking, it means you can no longer rely on people in positions of power to do things for you because they care about you. The people you’re going to meet whom you need to help you get a job, or an apartment, or a loan, or advice—the people to whom later you will point to and say, “Hey, she gave me my first break!”—those people are looking for something in return. What is that something? It can be tricky to figure out. It might be your loyalty, your respectability, that you have a diploma from Dartmouth, your brains, your cleverness, or your politeness. Different people are going to want you for different reasons, but your first boss and every boss you ever will have will want something very simple: your hard work and your good attitude. Now, the transactional nature of the world might sound harsh but it isn’t necessarily. Put it this way: A screenwriter sells her idea to a studio. The studio wants to make her movie. They start conducting screen tests. In this parable you're, say, Vin Diesel. You audition. You have to. No one is going to give you that job out of the kindness of their hearts. They need to have confidence that you will be Fast and Furious. So they can sell $380 million worth of movie tickets. But here is the exquisite bit of good news, for those of you paying attention: Now you know this; now you know that it all comes down to you figuring out what you can offer them. It's a lesson it took me several years to learn—maybe even more than that, maybe a decade or two—but once I did it was invaluable. I joined ABC News in 2003. In the 2004 presidential race, I was not assigned a candidate to cover. I can still list the reporters who were, by the way. I remember every one of them. I got nothing. So I did the only thing I could do. Complain? No. I worked so hard in those intervening years to establish myself as a good and tireless political reporter, so hard they HAD to assign me a candidate in 2008, for their own good. It worked, and in 2008 I was finally assigned a candidate. My goal then became to be the White House correspondent. And I knew, again, there was only one way I would get that job. I had to be so skilled and tough and industrious and vigilant that, if my bosses at ABC News made anyone else the White House correspondent, they would look like idiots. I had to force them to give it to me out of their own best interests. Now, I've come up with a lot of bad strategies and made a lot of bad decisions in my life. I’ve made enough bad decisions to fill five other commencement addresses. But this was a good one. Have something that they want. And show it to them—over and over, every day. Make them need you. Work twice as hard as the job requires. Make sure they know that you will show up and act like a professional, that you don't feel entitled to anything. Make them hire you for their own good, not yours. Now, a word on the inevitable rejections that may soon shower upon you like a monsoon. Dr. Seuss’s first book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected 27 times before he found a publisher. As a young man, Robert Frost, class of 1896, received a rejection letter from the poetry editor of the Atlantic Monthly with the note: “Our magazine has no room for your vigorous verse.” In other words: Not every expert is expert. Quite a few of them are going to be wrong about you. Some of them will be downright idiots. When my classmate Shonda Rhimes first pitched Grey’s Anatomy to a room full of older men, they told her that nobody was going to watch a show about a woman who has casual sex and threw a guy out the night before her first day of work—that that was completely unrealistic and that nobody wanted to know that woman. Shonda sat in that pitch meeting and thought, “Wow they don’t know anything about what’s going on in the world right now.” Forgetting the critical, financial, and popular success of the show for a moment, Shonda can't even keep track of how many young women have told her that they were inspired to become doctors because of Grey’s Anatomy. Keep going. There might be a lot of rejection. Most of it you should not take personally. People making decisions are often wrong. Even the faculty of Dartmouth can get it wrong! Connie Britton, Class of ‘89, perhaps the best known and most critically acclaimed actress to have ever graduated from Dartmouth College, was not able to convince the Drama Department here to sponsor her to send to the League Auditions. David Benioff, Class of ‘92, acclaimed novelist and screenwriter and co-creator of HBO’s Game of Thrones, he didn't get into English 80—three times. But some of the rejection you should take personally. Some of it will be because of things you could be doing better. Try to figure out what those things are. Because you always can be doing something better. To be honest, this never ends. The best and most successful people are constantly striving to be better. If you think that at 48 I think I’ve got it all figured out, kindly allow me to disabuse you of that notion. And I can provide multiple sources for that scoop. And I can do that because I know it's important to surround yourself with people who love you and respect you enough to tell you the truth. And it is important to listen to them. Many people you will see rise to a level of success on which it becomes difficult to find people to challenge them and their ideas. And whether politicians or generals, news anchors, or CEOs, that inevitably leads to their downfall. Look at what's going on in Washington, DC, right now. Tell me there aren’t people you can think of whose own careers would not be improved if they heeded the suggestions of a tough but loving staff of critics willing to share hard truths. At my job at CNN, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by people who challenge me every day. From the top, to the side, to the bottom of the ladder. They make me better by sanding away my worst impulses. Class of 2017, get people like that around you. No matter how high you rise, do not get rid of them. You're going to have friends who are willing to criticize you, and maybe you don’t want to hear it, and your impulse may be to show them the door; but if you spend the rest of your twenties amidst only the sycophantic and the shallow, you will wake up at 30 with a friendship hangover worse than a month of Jägermeister shots. You know, it’s funny what sticks to your brain. I haven’t looked at the autographs in my high school yearbook since they were written in 1987, but I know that there’s one in there from a girl named Kate. She praised me for my cutting wit, but she also cautioned me to be careful about how I wielded that particular blade. And though I spent much of the next 20 years ignoring that lesson, much to my own detriment, I still remember that advice 30 years later because she was right. Advice can sting. Ted Koppel once pulled me into his office after seeing an embarrassing TV pilot I was part of and told me that it was OK to tell my bosses “No.” Charlie Gibson once told me to stop sending such pointed emails, that I would get a lot farther if I didn’t share every critical thought I had every moment I had it. These were not easy criticisms to hear. But they were right. These were important people investing their time to try to make me better. These kinds of lessons aren’t fun. No one enjoys hearing about how much of a jerk they are. So let me also say while I prepare you for those moments: Absorb the lessons. Adapt accordingly. But do not be too hard on yourself. And listen to yourself, follow the better angel we all have in us steering us toward ways to be our best selves. On October 3, 2009, I was sitting in my wife’s recovery room at a hospital in Washington, DC, holding our newborn son. On TV I saw a news story: That day, an outpost containing just fifty-odd US troops had been attacked by up to 400 insurgents. Combat Outpost Keating was built at the bottom of three steep mountains, the reporter said, in a particularly rough corner of Afghanistan just 14 miles from the Pakistan border. It was an ugly and brutal battle. The deadliest for the US that year. Eight American soldiers were killed. And as I sat in the room that day holding my son, hearing about these eight other sons taken from their parents, from their wives, I wanted to know why. Why would anyone put an outpost in a such a dangerous place? And more importantly, who were these people that were risking so much and sacrificing everything – people to whom I really didn't pay all that much attention, to be honest. Sure, I covered debates over troop levels—ten thousand, forty thousand—but those were statistics; those weren't people. So, against the advice of a lot of people I knew, I decided to write a book about the men who fought and suffered and prevailed and died in that battle, about Combat Outpost Keating. Writing that book was a long slog. Many doubters; many skeptics. And yet I felt compelled to tell the story of these troops and their families, people part of a world unfamiliar to me at the time, the world of the US military, of duty and sacrifice. In some cases, the ultimate sacrifice. Hearing the stories firsthand of these men and women made me realize how little I had accomplished in the service of anyone other than myself. “My God,” I told my wife one afternoon after I had been visiting with two Cavalry officers, Dave and Alex. “My God, these guys are amazing, and I am nothing. I have risked nothing and sacrificed nothing compared with these men.” “But honey,” she said, “you can tell their stories. You can tell their stories.” The book I wrote, The Outpost, remains the professional work I am proudest of. It is not what has resulted in the most Twitter memes, but it is the most meaningful. It was the one least about me; and it may be one professional achievement, maybe, perhaps, that has a chance of outlasting me. That which you end up doing in the service of something greater than you – even if it means that you feel lesser, humbler, even worthless by comparison – by honoring the humanity of others, that will allow you to get in closer touch with your own. And this is the most important thing I can tell you today, Class of 2017. Don’t just work hard at your job; work hard at everything. Work hard at being a friend. Work hard at being a partner, at being a son or a daughter, at being a grandchild, at being a steward in your community, at caring about people who have never had a day like the one you’re having today. At being the best YOU that you can be, Class of 2017, all of you, A to Z, from the best Alexander Abate to the best Jonathan Zuttah. There are going to be moments like this one – a celebration of hard work well done, surrounded by family and friends. And then there are going to be moments when you feel alone and adrift, misunderstood, and hopeless. Maybe right now it looks to you like someone like me effortlessly went from your seat to this stage. Let me assure you, there was effort. There was effort and there was pain and embarrassment and rejection and humiliation. False starts and false turns and mistake after mistake after mistake. But that's OK. That's all part of the adventure, and yours starts now. Members of the Dartmouth College class of 2017 – you are already great. Now it’s up to you to become even greater. Be bold. Be smart. Be brave. Be true. Go forth and rock. God bless you; God bless your families; God bless Dartmouth College of Hanover, New Hampshire; God bless the memory of EBA’s; and God bless the United States of America. Thank you for the honor of a lifetime.

[book-sleeves-and-tea-leaves]

What does a publisher do?

I’ve worked in publishing since graduating from university ten (something!) years ago, briefly in marketing and more extensively in editorial. I know from my authors that the process of producing a book can be a bit mystifying when you first start out. How does it all work? What does everyone do? How do I fit in? So I thought I’d write a brief overview of all the various departments, and take you through the average life of a book. I really hope it’s useful!

We have come a long way since 1450 and Johannes Gutenberg’s printing press. Today publishing is a massive industry. (In the UK each year we will publish the equivalent of 20 books an hour!) A vast number of people are involved, not only in editorial and design, but also in sales, marketing and publicity, production and finance. However, to those not contributing to the day-to-day processes, the whole thing can seem like a bit of a mystery, even if you are an author (or maybe especially if you are an author). So what does happen in the life of a book from the time it is acquired (bought by the publisher) to when it arrives on the bookshelves?

Editorial

These days the vast majority of manuscripts (we call them submissions) come from agents rather than directly from authors. A commissioning editor’s reading pile is the source of excitement, and guilt. We can’t wait to dive in because we know that the next J. K. might be lurking in there, and yet with ten or more submissions coming in from agents every week, it can be hard to keep on top of it all.

Like every editor, I love finding something special that I can’t wait to share at a weekly editorial meeting. It’s here that we’ll first discuss an author and a book, including where both might fit on the list (the number of titles a publisher produces each year) to check that there is no overlap with existing publishing. Once we are all in agreement editorially, an editor will take the book to the acquisitions meeting.

Acquisitions meeting

As publishing is very much a collective endeavour these days, a representative from all the various departments (sales, marketing, publicity, business affairs, finance, editorial, design, production, foreign rights, export) will be present at the acqs meeting. Discussions can get quite lively as we talk about the book and the author, while also trying to put both into the context of the wider market.

Sadly, we won’t make an offer on every book discussed at acquisitions. Decision are based on a combination of heart (taste, gut instinct, level of excitement) and head (sales, and profit-and-loss predictions).

As an editor, it can be heartbreaking to not get the script you love through the meeting. (We all have stories of the “one that got away”.) However, with such a large volume of submissions and only a finite amount of space on a list, we have to be very sure of everything we take on.

Making an offer

Once we are agreed on an acquisition, the commissioning editor will take an offer to the agent. After a bit of toing and froing over terms, we come to my favourite part, which is when the agent rings up and says we have a deal. Further negotiations will continue between the business affairs department and the agent until the contract is signed with the author.

After a book has been contracted, an advanced information sheet (AI) is created. As well as a blurb for the book, this document lists its bibliographic info (ISBN, price, format, and publication date) and an author biography. The AI is used internally at first but will eventually feed out to booksellers’ websites and therefore consumers. As such it needs to be accurate, relevant and engaging. It can take a long time (and lots of cups of tea) to get an AI just right.

Editing

It can be disconcerting as an author to receive the first editorial notes because they are often much longer than expected. Up until now the editor probably hasn’t mentioned that the book could be so much better if chapter four became chapter one and you got rid of chapter eight altogether. Oh, and have you considered adding a gnome (named Bob) to chapter six? Even as you are panicking about all the work you have to do, keep the faith and remember that an editor wants the same thing as you – the best book possible.

There are three main editorial stages:

    Structural: This looks at the book as a whole – pace, characters, situations, structure.

          Line edit: This should pick up on any inconsistencies, stylistic tics (like word repetition), awkward sentences or just hangovers from previous drafts.

            Copyedit: An edit for punctuation, spelling, grammatical errors, styling as well as more general queries about conflicting statements, timeline and fact-checking. This is often done out-of-house by a freelancer.

Once the text is final, it will be typeset. This just means setting out the words in a design programme like In Design so that it conforms to a printer’s requirements in terms of format and resolution. The book will then be proofread.

    Design

After chatting to the author, an editor will draw up a design brief for the designer. Covers are discussed at weekly meetings. We normally work up a near-to final cover for the author. Hopefully he or she will love it, but if not, we spend time addressing their concerns. There is often some compromise involved but we do usually get to a place where everyone is happy.

Production

An author may never know the name of their production controller, but he or she is essential in liaising with printers over price and spec (short for specifications of a book, i.e. page extent, cover effects, paper quality, binding).

In larger publishing houses, there will also be a digital production controller, who will oversee the conversion of final files into an eBook and ePDF.

Sales and marketing

The quickest way to describe the difference between marketing and publicity is to say that the latter deals with “free” marketing (interviews, reviews, blog tours, events, awards). The former produces sales materials (catalogues, order forms, book proofs) as well as adverts and other items for in-store promotions.

The marketing and PR teams work closely with each other and with sales.

The sales department is made up of key account managers, who sell to the chain bookstores, other large retailers, library suppliers, internet stores and supermarkets, and reps (sales representatives), who will visit local shops. It is not unusual to start talking about a book to customers over a year before publication.

There will also be an export team to sell English language books into other countries and a foreign rights department to sell translation rights, if they have been acquired.

Royalties and business affairs team

Last but by no means least is the royalties team, which ensures that an author gets paid. Advances are normally split into three (with one-third paid on signature of contract, a third on delivery and acceptance of manuscript and the last third on publication). This department also compiles and sends out author royalty statements every six months, although an author won’t receive royalties until an advance has earned out.

And that’s it: all the various people mentioned and accounted for! This whole process obviously takes time, careful planning and lots of thought. Ultimately, though, we all want the same thing: to produce a wonderful book for as many people as possible to read and enjoy.

  What does a publisher do? was originally published on A. J. Grainger

[wickedbananas]

Branding Success: How to Use PPC to Amplify Your Brand

Posted by purna_v

Here’s a question for you:

Do you think a brand can influence your behavior outside of purchase preference? Put another way, will seeing the North Face logo make you want to take up hiking in the snow?

A few years ago, researchers at Duke University conducted an experiment with 341 students. Their goal? Studying what makes a brand powerful and how we’re influenced by brands. As part of this study, the students were asked to complete what they were told was a visual acuity test.

During this test, either an Apple logo or IBM logo flashed on the screen for a second, so quickly that the students were unaware they had been exposed to the logo. The participants then completed a task designed to evaluate how creative they were, listing all the uses they could think of for a brick.

Are you surprised that students exposed to the Apple logo came up with not just more uses, but more creative uses? The experiment was also done using the Disney Channel logo and the E! logo – and the students were tested on their degree of honesty and dishonesty. Which logo exposure led to more honesty? If you thought Disney, you’re right.

This is evidence that subliminal brand exposure can cause people to act in specific ways. Branding matters.

For those of us who work in paid search, this whole “branding” thing, with its unintuitive KPIs, can seem nebulous and not something for us to worry about. We PPC-ers have specific goals and KPIs, and it’s easy for us to be seen as only a bottom-funnel channel. But we’re far more powerful than that.

Here’s the truth: Brand advertising via PPC does impact the bottom line.

I’ll share three key ways to build a framework for branding:

Make choosing you easier.

Show your customers you care.

Make it easy to be a loyal customer.

Chances are you’re taking some of these steps already, which is fantastic. This framework can guide you to ensure you’re covering all the steps of the funnel. Let’s break down how PPC can support all three of these key points.

1. Make choosing you easier

Top brands understand their audiences really well. And what’s true of pretty much every audience right now is that we’re all looking for the fast fix. So if a brand can make it easy for us to find what we need, to get something done – that brand is going to win our hearts.

Which is why getting your ad messaging right is critical.

Something I notice repeatedly is that we’re so focused on that next advanced tactic or the newest feature that we neglect the simple basics. And that is how we get cracks in our foundation.

Most accounts I look at perform brilliantly with the complex, but routinely make avoidable errors with the basics.

Ad copy

Ads are one of those places where the cracks aren’t just visible, they’re also costly. Let’s look at a few examples of ads with sitelink extensions.

Example 1: What not to do

What do you think of this ad?

It’s a decent ad. It’s just not great. What’s hurting the ad is that the sitelinks are a broad – even random – mix of different paths and actions a person can take. We have a mix of product, social media, and spokesperson content. This is not likely to make anyone’s life easier.

Even if I had been interested in the makeup, I might be distracted by the opportunity to meet Carrie Underwood, reducing the odds of a conversion. In trying to please too many different audiences, this ad doesn’t do a particularly strong job of pleasing anyone.

Example 2: Sitelinks organized according to stage of interest

Why not organize your sitelinks according to your customer’s stage of interest instead, like Clinique did here? This is brilliant.

Clinique is acknowledging that some shoppers are here just to buy the makeup they always order – so “Shop Makeup” is the first sitelink offered. But other visitors have come to see what’s new, or to do research on the quality of Clinique skincare, and probably everyone is looking for that discount.

Organizing sitelinks by your customer’s stage of interest also boosts brand by showing your customer that you care. We’ll talk more about that piece later.

Example 3: Sitelinks organized according to customer’s need

Here’s something smart: Organizing sitelinks according to what you already know your customers need.

Harley Davidson knows that a potential customer coming to their website wants more than pretty pictures of the bike. They’re ready to schedule a test ride or even estimate payments, so these options are right at the top.

They also understand that Harley Davidson is an aspirational product. I may want to estimate a payment or find information about my local dealer even before I know how to ride a bike. It’s part of the dream of joining the Harley lifestyle. They know this and make their customers’ lives easier by sharing links to learn-to-ride classes.

Example 4: Give them multiple ways to choose you

For brands targeting by geography and who have a local presence, including call extensions and location extensions is a must.

As searches move from desktop to mobile, we know that local searches take the lead – and conversions on a local search happen within five hours of the search (source: Microsoft Internal research). Including call and location extensions helps shorten that conversion cycle.

What I especially love about this ad is that they give you two different buying options. You can visit the store at the physical address, or if that is deemed out-of-the-way by the searcher, the ad entices them to shop Sephora with a discount code for an online purchase. This increases the odds that the shopper will choose Sephora as opposed to visiting a more conveniently located competitor.

Indirect brand terms

When people are looking for your service but not necessarily your brand, you can still make their lives easier by sharing answers to questions they may have.

Of course, you’re already showing up for branded searches or searches directly asking for your product. But what about being helpful to your customers by answering their questions with helpful information? Bidding on these keywords is good for your brand.

For example, Neutrogena is doing a great job at showing up for longer-tail keywords, and they’re also working to build the association between gentle makeup removers for sensitive skin and their brand.

And here, Crest is doing a fantastic job in using their ad copy to make themselves stand out as experts. If anyone has questions about teeth whitening, they’re showing that they’re ready to answer them:

This also helps you show up for long-tail queries, which are another increasingly critical aspect of voice search.

2. Show your customers you care

If you can anticipate issues and show up when your customers are venting, you win.

Professor Andrew Ehrenberg of South Bank Business School says that people trust strong brands more. They forgive your mistakes more easily. They believe you will put things right.

And what better way to show your customers you care than by anticipating their issues?

Be there when they want to complain

Where’s the first place you go when you want to look something up? Most likely a search engine. Showing up well in the SERPs can make a big difference.

Let’s look at an example. I did a search for complaints related to Disney, a brand with a strong positive sentiment.

Surprisingly, the SERPs were filled with complaint sites. What could have helped Disney here would be if they ran ads on these keywords, with the message that they were keen to make things right, and here’s the best number to call and chat.

Wouldn’t that diffuse the situation? Best of all, keywords like this would be very low-cost to bid on.

What about showing up when potential customers are complaining about the competition? You could consider running ads for keywords related to complaints about your competition.

I’d advise you to be careful with this approach since you want to come across as being helpful, not gloating. This strategy also may not lead to very many conversions – since the searcher is looking to complain and not to find alternative businesses – but given the low cost, it may be worth testing.

Cross-channel wins

As PPCs, we’re more powerful than even we give ourselves credit for. Our work can greatly help the PR and SEO teams. Here’s how.

PR:

As noted earlier, the search engine is the first place we go when we want to look up something.

This is so very impactful that, as reported in the New York Times, Microsoft scientists were able to analyze large samples of search engine queries that could in some cases identify Internet users who were suffering from pancreatic cancer, even before they have received a diagnosis of the disease.

This all goes to show the power of search. We can also harness that power for reputation management.

Broad-match bidding can help PR with brand protection. Looking through broad-match search term reports, a.k.a search query reports (SQRs), can help to spot trends like recalls or a rise in negative sentiment.

PPCs can send the PR folks a branded SQR on a regular basis for them to scrub through to spot any concerning trends. This can help PPC stand out as a channel that protects and monitors brand sentiment.

SEO:

Content marketing is a key way for brands to build loyalty, and PPC is an excellent way to get the content to the audience. Serving ads on key terms that support the content you have allows you to give your audience the info they really want.

For example, if your SEO teams built a mortgage calculator as value-add content, then you could serve ads for queries such as “How much house can I afford?”:

Taking this concept a step further, you can use high-value content to show up with ads that match the research stage of the customer’s interest. As PPCs, we’re often keen to simply show an ad that gets people to convert. But what if they’re not ready? Why should we either ignore them or show up with something that doesn’t match their goal?

Take a look at these ads that show up for a research-stage query:

The first ad from Sears – while very compelling – seems mismatched to the search query.

Now look at the third ad in the list, offering 50 kitchen idea photos. This is a much better match to the query. If it were me searching, this is the ad I would have chosen to click on.

What happens to the conversion?

Well, the landing page of the “50 ideas” ad could feature some type of offer, say like what the Sears ad has to offer, and here it would be much more welcome. In this way, we could use higher-funnel ads as lead gen, with KPIs such as content impressions, lead form fills, and micro-conversions.

This is such a win-win-win strategy:

You’ve shown your customers you care for them and will be there for them

You’ve helped your colleagues get more exposure for their hard work

You’ve earned yourself cost-effective new leads and conversions.

Boss move.

Want more ideas? Wil Reynolds has some fantastic tips on how SEOs can use PPC to hit their goals.

3. Make it easy to be a loyal customer

Growing customer lifetime value is one of the most worthwhile things a brand can do. There are two clever ways to do this.

Smarter remarketing

You liked us enough to buy once – how would you like to buy again? Show your customers more of what they like over time and they’ll be more attuned to choosing your brand, provided you’ve served them well.

What about remarketing based on how long it’s been since the purchase of a product?

This tactic can be seen as helpful as opposed to overtly sales-y, building brand loyalty. Think of how Amazon does it with their emails suggesting other products or deals we may be interested in. As a result, we just keep going back to Amazon. Even if they don’t have the lowest price.

For example, what if a sports nutrition company knew that most customers took three months to finish their box of protein shake powder? Then around the middle of month two, the company could run an ad like this to their list of buyers. It features an offer and shows up just at the right time.

The customer will probably think they’ve lucked out to find a special offer just at the right time. We know that it’s not luck, it’s just smarter remarketing.

Want more ideas? Check out Sam Noble’s Whiteboard Friday on how paid media can help drive loyalty and advocacy.

Show up for the competition

Remember when the iPhone 6s launched? Samsung ran very clever PPC ads during the launch of the iPhone 6s, and again when Apple was in the news about the phones bending.

Samsung used humor – which, importantly, wasn’t mean-spirited – and got a lot of attention and goodwill, not to mention a ton of PR and social media attention. Great for their brand at the time!

You can use the same tactic to run ads on competitors’ brand names with ads that showcase your USP. This works especially well for remarketing in paid search (or RLSA) campaigns.

Here, Chevy capitalized on the Tesla Model 3 announcement-related search volume spike. They ran ads that reminded users that their cars were available in late 2016, with the unstated message that it’s much sooner than when the Tesla Model 3 cars are expected to arrive.

Give back

Engaging with the customer is the best way to make it easy for them to be loyal to your brand. Enhance that by showing them you care about what they care about for added impact.

Here’s one way to give back to your customer, and this particular effort is also a huge branding opportunity.

I love how L’Oréal is associating themselves with empowering women – and most of their customers will like this as well. They’re giving back to their customers by honoring the women they care about. To create loyal customers, the best brands give back in meaningful ways.

Wrapping up

One of my favorite Seth Godin quotes is, “Marketing is no longer about the stuff that you make, but about the stories that you tell.”

PPC is a wonderful channel to shape and create stories that will engage and delight your customers.

And now we come full circle, to that place where we started, wondering how in the world PPC can impact brand. Your paid search campaigns are a chapter in your brand’s story, and you have an unlimited number of ways to write that chapter, and to contribute to the brand.

Branding isn’t just for the birds. Have you found a way to use PPC to help grow your brand? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below.

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[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE COURAGE OF LEMON

By the end of it. Rewriting a program often yields a cleaner design. We used to show people how to build real, working stores.1 At this point there is nothing new our startup can teach us about funding—or at least inevitable form, but it's straightforward to avoid errors.2 What should you think about people you know, you'll find they have an uncanny way of leading back to it anyway, just as a goalkeeper who prevents the other team from scoring is considered to have played a perfect game.3 So I was surprised when, early in college, I read a quote by Wittgenstein saying that he had no self-discipline and had never been able to manage is about 18, and I expect it to be, but as you dive into individual users' needs, keep your eyes open for narrow openings that have wide vistas beyond.4 And of course you don't have them. In language design, we should be doing, and a small but devoted following. The study of rhetoric, the art of arguing persuasively, was a third of the undergraduate curriculum.5 He only took it up because he was better at it than the other students. A frightening prospect? The added confidence that comes from trying to help the world.6

If there's something people still won't do, it seems obvious. Whatever I thought he meant, I didn't think he meant work could literally be fun.7 At most colleges, it's not so pretty.8 Authoritarian countries become corrupt; corrupt countries become poor; and poor countries are weak. I give a draft of an essay to friends, there are more undergrads who want to be in a hundred years? A rich company is one with large revenues.9 If you learn how to hang glide, or to regard it as a mere field of study. Either businesses aren't supposed to be working on hard problems.10

Abortion, for or against? You probably need about the amount you need to write anything, though? The name is more excusable if one considers it as meaning that we enable people to escape cubicles.11 So I've thought a lot about where to live by trial and error. In fact, McCarthy's 1960 paper was not, at the end, wow, that's pretty cool.12 Other parts you don't understand as well, and more importantly, you'll get into the habit of doing things well. This is not as bad as it sounds. Is there some test you can use to keep yourself honest? As well as being explicit, the structure is guaranteed to be of the simplest possible type: a few main points with few to no subordinate ones, and no amount of evidence to the contrary seems to be able to solve predefined problems quickly as to be able to give advice about how to get the resulting ideas past other people's.

The more anomalies you've seen, the more easily you'll notice new ones. Microsoft and IBM. I think, is to find good books. We told him we'd fund him if he did something else. The part that actually mattered was graphic design, not performance. If there is one message I'd like to get across about startups, that's it. And if it succeeds, you may not want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, the way to persuade people is not just to things that seem wrong to the average person.13

But most of our users were small, individual merchants who saw the Web not as an opportunity, but as you dive into individual users' needs, keep your eyes open for narrow openings that have wide vistas beyond. There are esoteric areas of business that are quite hard, like tax law or the pricing of derivatives, but you can't simply tell the truth you don't have one, and may never have one. The closest you can come is to compare yourself to other people.14 So it does matter to have an elaborate business plan. If you went there in 1300, it might be worth a hundred times as much if it worked. But that isn't true.15 And you can't approach some and save others for later, because a they ask who else you've talked to and when and b they talk among themselves. Don't see purpose where there isn't.16

I think founders will increasingly be able to bear a good deal of resistance at first.17 This group says one thing. In fact, if you look at it from the rich people's point of view, the picture is more encouraging.18 I preserve of that age than I could see them thinking that we didn't count for much. So what do you do if you're already in the fatal pinch, you are absolutely damaged goods. Not necessarily. Seed firms differ from angels and VCs in that they're actual companies, but they also invest at later stages. Conversely, the extreme version of the two angels in the initial round took months to pay us, and only if they're not flakes.

There is no rational way.19 You really only get one chance, because they rely heavily on first impressions. That's why I write them. Instead of waiting to be discovered right under our noses. Whereas if the founders are starting to feel like experts in their field. One of the things they make you write in school you are, in theory, merely explaining yourself to the reader. He was also a lawyer, which was to tell people that. To some extent, yes. Did they want French Vanilla or Lemon?

Notes

It would probably be worth it for you; you're too busy to feel uncomfortable. Proceedings of 2003 Spam Conference. Not in New York, but as a cold email startups. Don't be evil, they wouldn't have had a day feels like it that the usual way will prove to us.

And while this is a qualitative difference in investors' attitudes. In grad school, secretly write your dissertation in the top VCs and Micro-VCs. Vii.

In 1800 an empty room, and graph theory. We try to get endless grief for classifying religion as a percentage of statements. Foster, Richard, Life of Isaac Newton, p. 54 million, and large bribes by the government.

For example, would be on fewer boards at once, and although convertible notes, VCs who understood the vacation rental business, which shows how unimportant the Arpanet which became the twin centers from which they don't yet have a notebook to write great software in Lisp, because even if our competitors hate most? Then it's up to his house, though. At the time it still seems to have been five years ago.

I've omitted one source: government grants. How many times that conversation was repeated.

Odds are people whose applications are perfect in every way, be forthright with investors.

Investors are fine with funding nerds.

Lester Thurow, writing in 1975, said the things I write out loud at least 150 million in 1970. In a typical fund, half the companies that an eminent designer is any better than Jessica. No one writing a dictionary to pick up a solution. In fact since 2 1.

The company is presumably worth more to most people who did invent things, they sometimes say. 6% of the next round. Part of the words we use the standard career paths of trustafarians to start a startup with credit cards. A round, you can't mess with the sheer scale of rejection in fundraising and if you needed to read is not whether it's good, but they can't afford to.

Within Viaweb we once had a broader meaning. If it failed it failed it failed it failed it failed it failed it failed.

People tell the whole story. Default: 2 cups water per cup of rice.

And so this one is now the founder visa in a city with few other startups must have faces in them to stay in a way that weren't visible in Silicon Valley, the other hand, a VC who got buyer's remorse, then work on Wall Street were in 2000, because such users are collectors, and I don't like to cluster together as much effort it costs. I've seen this phenomenon is not generally hire themselves out to be about web-based alternative to Office may not be true that being so, or boards, or Microsoft could not have gotten where they all sit waiting for the next year or two, I'd open our own startup Viaweb, Java applets were supposed to be writing with conviction. It didn't work, but except for money. Well, almost.

17. And yet when they were getting results.

Its retail price is about 220,000.

In fairness, I mean type I startups. But that is not just a Judeo-Christian concept; it's roughly correct for startups to be writing with conviction.

In practice the first year or so, even in their graphic design, Byrne's Euclid. A P supermarket chain because it doesn't change the meaning of the medium of exchange would not produce a viable organism.

6% of the Industrial Revolution, Cambridge University Press, 1965. Different kinds of content. Something similar has been around as long as the cause. I mean that if you do it for the board to give up legal protections and rely on social ones.

This seems to them till they measure their returns. The founders want to live. If PR didn't work out.

Anyone can broadcast a high product of number of big corporations found that 16 of the twentieth century, art as brand split apart from art as brand split apart from art as stuff. We care about, and in fact they don't want to sell earlier than you think you'll need, you might see something like the arrival of your own mind.

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Two Weeks Doth a Season Make

ALRIGHT. So we’ve all played two games now, the Suns and Roos have played at least one outside of a swimming pool, we can start to make some long-lasting judgement.

 The Bulldogs are staring down a full rebuild, Gold Coast have turned it around and can now match the personnel prowess of the Giants and going by Monday’s centre square performance Geelong must surely end up premiers?

 April Premiers, righto. When the Melbourne supporters start to pack the ski gear into the back of the Land Rover, then let’s chat.

 1.       The Western Bulldogs. How much is that supposed post-flag offseason playing a role the best part of 18 months later? Sure, it was a 7th placed finish with an over and beyond September in their glory year, but again its two weeks, last week was colours lowered but we are not off their bus completely, save your wooden spoon bets.

 2.       This column continues to be buoyed by Fremantle. Much better on the weekend, their talented kids look fantastic, Blakely had 30, Ryan had 22 in defence, Brayshaw is showing a bit, Cerra kicked two goals, those two had nine tackles between them, Fyfe, Neale look good and Walters and Wilson are proper x-factors.

 3.       Also worth noting that we were originally wrong about the number of Perth games for the Dockers, it’s not just the standard eleven home games plus an away game to West Coast, its thirteen all up – the Gold Coast host Freo at Optus this week. Thirteen games in Perth, this is more than set up for the Dockers to rebound nicely in 2018.

 4.       Port look very industrious. Matched the Swans for grunt in their home opener and that’s two years in a row they've got that scalp. Back home this week for a soft kill with Brisbane, this is all shaping up very well at Alberton.

 5.       Clarko, moving people around, finding the right role, failing fast, motivation, development, all that – genius. This Hawthorn side still holds several guns in their arsenal, a number of premiership players to that matter, but the way he coaches that side extracts maximum performance out of the available resources, more than any other club going around clearly.

 6.       How about Geelong? Should have won although the umpires, Burgoyne's soft tissue and goal posts helped their cause too. But, Ablett 35 touches, Dangerfield 31, Selwood 29, teams are going to have to shut down one. Daniel Howe was on Selwood but didn't do enough. Ablett looks far too rejuvenated that it’s going to cause opponents issues if they don't curtail the engine room. If they can, the Cats don’t possess too much else.

 7.       If you didn’t know the backstory of the infamous starting three mids for Geelong, watched the game on Monday unencumbered, you would be excused for thinking Ablett is their best player. All the rage on Dangerfield vs. Martin, but if Ablett is fit enough (seemingly so) and has found a new lease on life being back home (clearly looks that way), maybe its back to 2015 and it’s a Ablett vs. Fyfe conversation again?

 8.       Tom Mitchell - 40 touches, two goals, four tackles. Supposedly on six Charlie votes, getting a tonne of exposure. Clayton Oliver though, 35 touches, eight tackles up in Brisbane. One is 25 next month, one is 21 in July. Still a no brainer for me.

 9.       Jaryd Roughead, big shout out to him. Cancer, overcome, and that speaks for itself on its own merits of course, but five shots on goal Monday, looked really good particularly late in the game, last year played 22 games coming back to footy and really picked up as the season came to an end kicking five in the final round. He has three seasons of over 70 goals in his career, only Buddy has done that as well, so he is a genuine star of the game who could really influence a Hawks side aiming to make finals and then do damage from there.

 10.   Good Friday - North and Footscray worked well last year, nothing against St Kilda (aside from their performance of course though, we'll cover that next) but last year felt like the making of something, great game, crowd over 40k, should have got another run. This threat of 'well performed sides' from now on is off the mark, I would go back to North and Footscray and give it three years. It should definitely stay with North, so in that case its commit to one regular opponent not rotate their opponents through.

 11.   So, the Saints. Did ok Round One then followed up with a stinker. Why? Membrey obviously had cricket finals so now that’s all wrapped up he can put the boots on. He averages four marks inside 50 a game, which is fantastic, but for such little impact. Nathan Brown is a good stopper, a premiership player, but is no longer a modern, effective defender and can be exploited. Jake Carlisle, has he gelled as a Saint yet? Not sure. He has had his disruptions but still looks a shadow, and then there's Paddy McCartin. Bless him, still only young, but he looks years off. Chuck in a midfield that yes, has Jack Steven, but Seb Ross and David Armitage don't hurt enough and it falls away big time. They were popping rubber bands at Josh Kelly for a reason.

 12.   Bryce Gibbs is just such a nice piece for this Crows side. 35 touches first up, 28 touches and a goal against Richmond, he is an All-Australian player if he stays fit. Amazing addition.

 13.   On All-Australian, going the early crow, or Magpie, but with some level of objectivity. Two games in Max Gawn would be the AA ruckman easily, no question, but Brodie Grundy, still only 23, in his 84th game had 20 touches, 45 hitouts, eight clearances, three tackles and kicked two straight. Their best player, most important player, perhaps both. He will be a strong AA contender all year.

 14.   The Pies were a little stiff on the weekend, two on the bench, no-one over six foot in the forward line, a little luck and it’s a big scalp, 1-1 into the Carlton game, it’s a whole new story. But the Pies, whilst without luck, at times the last couple seasons need to do better at making their own luck. As an example, Hawthorn definitely makes their own luck it seems, making moves, minimising errors, and they're maybe on the bounce back, perhaps overlapping Collingwood in the process? Jeremy Howe forward during games more often, things like that are required, can’t resign to same old same old, tried hard though..

 15.   Gerard Whateley interviews Nathan Buckley weekly on his radio program. Gerard was coy enough to raise Tom Lynch kicking eight on the weekend, and a normally very assured, calculated and not easily ambushed Buckley didn’t do a great job of avoiding any ‘reading between the lines’ from his responses. Short, sarcastic answers, deliberately avoiding the obvious reality, obvious narrative. Conceded that “I don’t think there's many clubs that would say that they can't do with a marking tall forward. He is a very aerobic, hard running tall forward as well – they don't grow on trees. I reckon he be well sought after.” It suggests the Pies think he is gettable, coming home, and they remain in the running which would not extend to too many clubs, or indeed have him.

 16.   Buddy watch, 12 goals already, I expect another decent bag in the Sydney Derby this weekend, talk of a ton this year is premature, but the Coleman-Brownlow double, don’t tell me you missed out when I lobbed it on all of you back in March. Utter. Value.

 17.   Credit to those down at Arden Street. The Kangas have bottomed out, got a tonne of cash, and yes, apparently asking Andrew Gaff how much he misses living in Melbourne, but Ben Brown up front, a lot of decent depth through the midfield, not a lot of star power, but it’s even, Robbie Tarrant is horrendously underrated, good kids, if you’re a Roos fan, stick fat, they’ll be ok.

 18.   A few non-footy to finish, let’s wrap the cricket up. Firstly, David Warner, couple concluding takeaways. He has ball-tampered at least throughout the South Africa series, that’s how Bancroft got caught. AB De Villiers got suspicious of Warner in the first few tests, texted his old captain now commentator Graeme Smith to watch Warner with the ball. Cluey to this Warner then courageously flipped his conduct onto Bancroft in Cape Town when the cameras would be following the ball from Paine to the bowler and low and behold, here we are.

 19.   Hiring Roxy Jacenko, a Sydney-based magazine PR pest, having wife Candice do a tell-all with News Limited, the delayed and then train wreck press conference, he will now be lost to Australian cricket and despite all the good he has a cricketer and person has done, he has made his bed he will now lie in it. Smith and Bancroft made progress to redemption upon arriving home, Warner has gone the other way sadly.

 20.   The Test Team from here? Head to England and play County Cricket. Yes the next nine months looks good, tests against minnows or against Asian countries at home, ripe conditions to succeed. But with an Ashes over there in 15 months, if I’m Burns, Renshaw, or anyone on the fringe, Kurtis Patterson, Jake Doran, get over to England, smash out a big county season with a mass of runs, and you’ll do well to be back there next year on an Ashes tour.

 (originally published April 6)

[conniecogeie]

The Right Way to Balance Business and Fun in Your Content Marketing

When a brand is new and growing, they tend to be freer—and often more fun and creative—with their content. A young brand’s very survival depends upon making a splash, catching attention, and being new and distinctly different.

As a brand matures and new marketing talent is brought in, the tendency is to start looking toward the more established brands in the industry and embrace a slicker, cleaner, more consistent look and feel. Metaphorically speaking, many brands jump straight from cargo shorts and graphic tees to suits and ties, leaving the seemingly frivolous stuff behind.

Then they find themselves in a conundrum. While the professional new attitude works well at certain points of the customer journey, it often falls flat higher up in the funnel. What’s a content marketer to do? Is it possible to be both fun and serious? Or do we have to embrace one and abandon the other?

Questions like these can be especially challenging during the “teen years” of a brand, says Zach Rainey, marketing communication specialist at Japanese ad agency Nippon SP Center Co., Ltd. “They think that since the ball started rolling, it’s time to stiffen up and be an adult already. But if they’ll keep in mind how they built their audience in the first place, they might relax a bit.”

At Workfront, we’ve spent the last couple of years juggling and experimenting with the right blend of playful content—think zombies, superheroes, and the Nine Levels of Hell—and more authoritative assets that answer customer questions and pain points outright. Along the way, we discovered five key lessons any content marketing team can use to more effectively balance the fun (a.k.a. engaging, creative, edgy) and the serious (a.k.a. direct, no-nonsense, buttoned-up) for their brands.

A touch of humanity is increasingly essential for your brand in this age of authenticity. Click To Tweet 1. Listen to the Market

What are people downloading, clicking, and responding to? Don’t forget to look at both social media and demand generation, which requires an open line of communication with the people who run your social media marketing efforts and PR.

“My advice is to stay focused on the audience that engages the most,” both currently and in the past, says Rainey. “What content worked? What built the foundation of your audience?” Perhaps those wacky posts you released when your brand was young helped contribute to your current image in a significant way. It could be a mistake to abandon them completely.

“The most common observation of mine,” says Vivek Nair, head of marketing at Talent & Analytics India, “is when you start out your content marketing efforts, you reflect your brand’s true values (fun, helpful, etc). But as business grows, your focus shifts, and most content folks will focus on churning out quantity rather than quality that matches your values.” Instead, Nair recommends deciding on your brand persona (What do you stand for? Why do you exist?) and “producing content for your target audience and customers with an intention of helping them.”

2. Approach Content by Function

Content at the top of the funnel can be a very different animal than content at the bottom. Without a little fun or edginess, you won’t last long in the realm of old media and social media. But the closer you get to the point of sale, especially in B2B, the more corporate and authoritative you may need to become.

“Some of the tech brands I write for have been doing a mix of playful and more technical pieces,” says Michael Belfiore, New York Times technology journalist and author. “In general I would say that the more playful pieces can be a good icebreaker that can funnel people into more ‘serious’ assets.”

It’s also important to realize that, even for bottom-of-the-funnel content, what sounds dry and boring to content marketers may actually be exciting to the intended audience—especially if it directly addresses their needs and questions.

“It is correct to strive for content that is not dry, but don’t forget that it’s our audience we serve, not our personal preferences,” says Samantha Stone, founder and CMO at The Marketing Advisory Network. “Be sure the tone and information is rich enough to excite your readers, even if it doesn’t appeal to the fun-loving marketer within.”

3. Just Be Human

While you’re trying to find your brand’s sweet spot, remember that content marketing doesn’t have to be laugh-out-loud funny, heavily themed, or wildly creative in order to be effective. The most important thing is to be relatable and human, whether you serve a B2B or B2C audience. After all, even in B2B marketing, you’re trying to engage with the actual humans inside the business.

“B2B buyers use more than their reason to assess a brand,” says Shelly Lucas, director of content marketing for Dun & Bradstreet. “Emotions also play a role, yet few B2B organizations do a good job humanizing their brands. If your company sells marketing technology, but your content comes off flippant, misinformed, or otherwise unaware, it won’t be useful to your audience. Even more than that, it will breed mistrust. Content creators need to develop a human voice that’s engaging, knowledgeable (do your research!), and has a definitive point of view.”

Many brands fall into the trap of thinking that “knowledgeable” and “authoritative” are synonyms to “dry” and “boring”—that every effort to inject personality into the brand will undermine its prestige. But it is possible to be seriously helpful and somewhat playful at the same time.

“In our B2B case, our audience mostly consists of wood flooring contractors,” says Adam Williams, head of marketing at Palo Duro Hardwoods in Denver. “My goal is that our content be authoritative and professionally presented, but relatable. Human. I want our audience to know we aren’t suit-and-tie people so removed from understanding their daily challenges and needs, that we get them, that we are them. So, the content needs some conversational touches.”

4. Be Flexible with Branding Guidelines

It’s common for branding guidelines to be built with a few types of content in mind, like ebooks, for instance, without taking into account how those guidelines will translate to social or the corporate blog. This can put content marketers in a difficult position. You either follow the guidelines to the letter to please your creative director, while failing to engage effectively with your audience, or you wow the audience but end up diluting and undermining the brand over time. You have to work with your individual art director or creative director to find a middle ground—and usually both parties will have to give a little.

Luckily, there are some creative directors who understand that overly strict guidelines will only stifle the brand. “We have established strong brand touchstones—a brand guide, asset templates, and great example pieces—that represent the visual brand that we are striving for,” says Workfront creative director David Lesue. “The team knows to draw from them when creating anything new. But they also know that those touchstones aren’t inflexible. The brand is a living, evolving thing that design gets to push—over time—into new directions.”

5. Avoid Overly Narrow Campaigns

If you want to pull off campaigns that succeed across channels and up and down the funnel, they need to be built for flexibility, not for total uniformity on every piece that goes out. This goes for both messaging and images.

I’ve frequently attended brainstorm sessions where great ideas didn’t make the cut, simply because they weren’t translatable to enough of our potential audiences and channels. The best concepts are those that can be adapted for a playful video to share on Facebook as well as an informative whitepaper or ebook.

Of course, this tip mainly applies to big, multi-faceted campaigns that involve all levels of the marketing organization. The more juice you can squeeze out of that orange, the better. You’ll also be launching smaller, more targeted campaigns throughout the year. Keep an eye on which of those resonate the most; you never know when a lone-wolf asset will inspire your next comprehensive campaign.

Party in the Front, Business in the Back

Whether you’re producing B2B or B2C content, there’s room for a bit of personality in even the most serious brand. In fact, a touch of humanity is increasingly essential in the age of authenticity we live in today.

While it’s true that too much fun and frivolity can make a brand seem young and immature, the pendulum can easily swing too far the other way, making your brand come across as cold and overly corporate. It takes trial and error to strike the right balance for your business. A great place to start is the “party in the front, business in the back” strategy. Create playful top-of-the-funnel content that directs people to more serious content down the line, and adapt as needed.

Please note: While I borrowed the “business in the front, party in the back” tagline (and reversed it) from that infamous ‘80s haircut known as “the mullet”—sported by such style legends as John Stamos, Michael Bolton, and Andre Agassi (who later admitted his was a wig!)—I am in no way advocating for a return of the hairdo itself.

Get a weekly dose of the trends and insights you need to keep you ON top, from the strategy team at Convince & Convert. Sign up for the Convince & Convert ON email newsletter.

http://ift.tt/2q2BpR6

[rodneyevesuarywk]

The Right Way to Balance Business and Fun in Your Content Marketing

When a brand is new and growing, they tend to be freer—and often more fun and creative—with their content. A young brand’s very survival depends upon making a splash, catching attention, and being new and distinctly different.

As a brand matures and new marketing talent is brought in, the tendency is to start looking toward the more established brands in the industry and embrace a slicker, cleaner, more consistent look and feel. Metaphorically speaking, many brands jump straight from cargo shorts and graphic tees to suits and ties, leaving the seemingly frivolous stuff behind.

Then they find themselves in a conundrum. While the professional new attitude works well at certain points of the customer journey, it often falls flat higher up in the funnel. What’s a content marketer to do? Is it possible to be both fun and serious? Or do we have to embrace one and abandon the other?

Questions like these can be especially challenging during the “teen years” of a brand, says Zach Rainey, marketing communication specialist at Japanese ad agency Nippon SP Center Co., Ltd. “They think that since the ball started rolling, it’s time to stiffen up and be an adult already. But if they’ll keep in mind how they built their audience in the first place, they might relax a bit.”

At Workfront, we’ve spent the last couple of years juggling and experimenting with the right blend of playful content—think zombies, superheroes, and the Nine Levels of Hell—and more authoritative assets that answer customer questions and pain points outright. Along the way, we discovered five key lessons any content marketing team can use to more effectively balance the fun (a.k.a. engaging, creative, edgy) and the serious (a.k.a. direct, no-nonsense, buttoned-up) for their brands.

A touch of humanity is increasingly essential for your brand in this age of authenticity. Click To Tweet 1. Listen to the Market

What are people downloading, clicking, and responding to? Don’t forget to look at both social media and demand generation, which requires an open line of communication with the people who run your social media marketing efforts and PR.

“My advice is to stay focused on the audience that engages the most,” both currently and in the past, says Rainey. “What content worked? What built the foundation of your audience?” Perhaps those wacky posts you released when your brand was young helped contribute to your current image in a significant way. It could be a mistake to abandon them completely.

“The most common observation of mine,” says Vivek Nair, head of marketing at Talent & Analytics India, “is when you start out your content marketing efforts, you reflect your brand’s true values (fun, helpful, etc). But as business grows, your focus shifts, and most content folks will focus on churning out quantity rather than quality that matches your values.” Instead, Nair recommends deciding on your brand persona (What do you stand for? Why do you exist?) and “producing content for your target audience and customers with an intention of helping them.”

2. Approach Content by Function

Content at the top of the funnel can be a very different animal than content at the bottom. Without a little fun or edginess, you won’t last long in the realm of old media and social media. But the closer you get to the point of sale, especially in B2B, the more corporate and authoritative you may need to become.

“Some of the tech brands I write for have been doing a mix of playful and more technical pieces,” says Michael Belfiore, New York Times technology journalist and author. “In general I would say that the more playful pieces can be a good icebreaker that can funnel people into more ‘serious’ assets.”

It’s also important to realize that, even for bottom-of-the-funnel content, what sounds dry and boring to content marketers may actually be exciting to the intended audience—especially if it directly addresses their needs and questions.

“It is correct to strive for content that is not dry, but don’t forget that it’s our audience we serve, not our personal preferences,” says Samantha Stone, founder and CMO at The Marketing Advisory Network. “Be sure the tone and information is rich enough to excite your readers, even if it doesn’t appeal to the fun-loving marketer within.”

3. Just Be Human

While you’re trying to find your brand’s sweet spot, remember that content marketing doesn’t have to be laugh-out-loud funny, heavily themed, or wildly creative in order to be effective. The most important thing is to be relatable and human, whether you serve a B2B or B2C audience. After all, even in B2B marketing, you’re trying to engage with the actual humans inside the business.

“B2B buyers use more than their reason to assess a brand,” says Shelly Lucas, director of content marketing for Dun & Bradstreet. “Emotions also play a role, yet few B2B organizations do a good job humanizing their brands. If your company sells marketing technology, but your content comes off flippant, misinformed, or otherwise unaware, it won’t be useful to your audience. Even more than that, it will breed mistrust. Content creators need to develop a human voice that’s engaging, knowledgeable (do your research!), and has a definitive point of view.”

Many brands fall into the trap of thinking that “knowledgeable” and “authoritative” are synonyms to “dry” and “boring”—that every effort to inject personality into the brand will undermine its prestige. But it is possible to be seriously helpful and somewhat playful at the same time.

“In our B2B case, our audience mostly consists of wood flooring contractors,” says Adam Williams, head of marketing at Palo Duro Hardwoods in Denver. “My goal is that our content be authoritative and professionally presented, but relatable. Human. I want our audience to know we aren’t suit-and-tie people so removed from understanding their daily challenges and needs, that we get them, that we are them. So, the content needs some conversational touches.”

4. Be Flexible with Branding Guidelines

It’s common for branding guidelines to be built with a few types of content in mind, like ebooks, for instance, without taking into account how those guidelines will translate to social or the corporate blog. This can put content marketers in a difficult position. You either follow the guidelines to the letter to please your creative director, while failing to engage effectively with your audience, or you wow the audience but end up diluting and undermining the brand over time. You have to work with your individual art director or creative director to find a middle ground—and usually both parties will have to give a little.

Luckily, there are some creative directors who understand that overly strict guidelines will only stifle the brand. “We have established strong brand touchstones—a brand guide, asset templates, and great example pieces—that represent the visual brand that we are striving for,” says Workfront creative director David Lesue. “The team knows to draw from them when creating anything new. But they also know that those touchstones aren’t inflexible. The brand is a living, evolving thing that design gets to push—over time—into new directions.”

5. Avoid Overly Narrow Campaigns

If you want to pull off campaigns that succeed across channels and up and down the funnel, they need to be built for flexibility, not for total uniformity on every piece that goes out. This goes for both messaging and images.

I’ve frequently attended brainstorm sessions where great ideas didn’t make the cut, simply because they weren’t translatable to enough of our potential audiences and channels. The best concepts are those that can be adapted for a playful video to share on Facebook as well as an informative whitepaper or ebook.

Of course, this tip mainly applies to big, multi-faceted campaigns that involve all levels of the marketing organization. The more juice you can squeeze out of that orange, the better. You’ll also be launching smaller, more targeted campaigns throughout the year. Keep an eye on which of those resonate the most; you never know when a lone-wolf asset will inspire your next comprehensive campaign.

Party in the Front, Business in the Back

Whether you’re producing B2B or B2C content, there’s room for a bit of personality in even the most serious brand. In fact, a touch of humanity is increasingly essential in the age of authenticity we live in today.

While it’s true that too much fun and frivolity can make a brand seem young and immature, the pendulum can easily swing too far the other way, making your brand come across as cold and overly corporate. It takes trial and error to strike the right balance for your business. A great place to start is the “party in the front, business in the back” strategy. Create playful top-of-the-funnel content that directs people to more serious content down the line, and adapt as needed.

Please note: While I borrowed the “business in the front, party in the back” tagline (and reversed it) from that infamous ‘80s haircut known as “the mullet”—sported by such style legends as John Stamos, Michael Bolton, and Andre Agassi (who later admitted his was a wig!)—I am in no way advocating for a return of the hairdo itself.

Get a weekly dose of the trends and insights you need to keep you ON top, from the strategy team at Convince & Convert. Sign up for the Convince & Convert ON email newsletter.

http://ift.tt/2q2BpR6

[fairchildlingpo1]

The Right Way to Balance Business and Fun in Your Content Marketing

When a brand is new and growing, they tend to be freer—and often more fun and creative—with their content. A young brand’s very survival depends upon making a splash, catching attention, and being new and distinctly different.

As a brand matures and new marketing talent is brought in, the tendency is to start looking toward the more established brands in the industry and embrace a slicker, cleaner, more consistent look and feel. Metaphorically speaking, many brands jump straight from cargo shorts and graphic tees to suits and ties, leaving the seemingly frivolous stuff behind.

Then they find themselves in a conundrum. While the professional new attitude works well at certain points of the customer journey, it often falls flat higher up in the funnel. What’s a content marketer to do? Is it possible to be both fun and serious? Or do we have to embrace one and abandon the other?

Questions like these can be especially challenging during the “teen years” of a brand, says Zach Rainey, marketing communication specialist at Japanese ad agency Nippon SP Center Co., Ltd. “They think that since the ball started rolling, it’s time to stiffen up and be an adult already. But if they’ll keep in mind how they built their audience in the first place, they might relax a bit.”

At Workfront, we’ve spent the last couple of years juggling and experimenting with the right blend of playful content—think zombies, superheroes, and the Nine Levels of Hell—and more authoritative assets that answer customer questions and pain points outright. Along the way, we discovered five key lessons any content marketing team can use to more effectively balance the fun (a.k.a. engaging, creative, edgy) and the serious (a.k.a. direct, no-nonsense, buttoned-up) for their brands.

A touch of humanity is increasingly essential for your brand in this age of authenticity. Click To Tweet 1. Listen to the Market

What are people downloading, clicking, and responding to? Don’t forget to look at both social media and demand generation, which requires an open line of communication with the people who run your social media marketing efforts and PR.

“My advice is to stay focused on the audience that engages the most,” both currently and in the past, says Rainey. “What content worked? What built the foundation of your audience?” Perhaps those wacky posts you released when your brand was young helped contribute to your current image in a significant way. It could be a mistake to abandon them completely.

“The most common observation of mine,” says Vivek Nair, head of marketing at Talent & Analytics India, “is when you start out your content marketing efforts, you reflect your brand’s true values (fun, helpful, etc). But as business grows, your focus shifts, and most content folks will focus on churning out quantity rather than quality that matches your values.” Instead, Nair recommends deciding on your brand persona (What do you stand for? Why do you exist?) and “producing content for your target audience and customers with an intention of helping them.”

2. Approach Content by Function

Content at the top of the funnel can be a very different animal than content at the bottom. Without a little fun or edginess, you won’t last long in the realm of old media and social media. But the closer you get to the point of sale, especially in B2B, the more corporate and authoritative you may need to become.

“Some of the tech brands I write for have been doing a mix of playful and more technical pieces,” says Michael Belfiore, New York Times technology journalist and author. “In general I would say that the more playful pieces can be a good icebreaker that can funnel people into more ‘serious’ assets.”

It’s also important to realize that, even for bottom-of-the-funnel content, what sounds dry and boring to content marketers may actually be exciting to the intended audience—especially if it directly addresses their needs and questions.

“It is correct to strive for content that is not dry, but don’t forget that it’s our audience we serve, not our personal preferences,” says Samantha Stone, founder and CMO at The Marketing Advisory Network. “Be sure the tone and information is rich enough to excite your readers, even if it doesn’t appeal to the fun-loving marketer within.”

3. Just Be Human

While you’re trying to find your brand’s sweet spot, remember that content marketing doesn’t have to be laugh-out-loud funny, heavily themed, or wildly creative in order to be effective. The most important thing is to be relatable and human, whether you serve a B2B or B2C audience. After all, even in B2B marketing, you’re trying to engage with the actual humans inside the business.

“B2B buyers use more than their reason to assess a brand,” says Shelly Lucas, director of content marketing for Dun & Bradstreet. “Emotions also play a role, yet few B2B organizations do a good job humanizing their brands. If your company sells marketing technology, but your content comes off flippant, misinformed, or otherwise unaware, it won’t be useful to your audience. Even more than that, it will breed mistrust. Content creators need to develop a human voice that’s engaging, knowledgeable (do your research!), and has a definitive point of view.”

Many brands fall into the trap of thinking that “knowledgeable” and “authoritative” are synonyms to “dry” and “boring”—that every effort to inject personality into the brand will undermine its prestige. But it is possible to be seriously helpful and somewhat playful at the same time.

“In our B2B case, our audience mostly consists of wood flooring contractors,” says Adam Williams, head of marketing at Palo Duro Hardwoods in Denver. “My goal is that our content be authoritative and professionally presented, but relatable. Human. I want our audience to know we aren’t suit-and-tie people so removed from understanding their daily challenges and needs, that we get them, that we are them. So, the content needs some conversational touches.”

4. Be Flexible with Branding Guidelines

It’s common for branding guidelines to be built with a few types of content in mind, like ebooks, for instance, without taking into account how those guidelines will translate to social or the corporate blog. This can put content marketers in a difficult position. You either follow the guidelines to the letter to please your creative director, while failing to engage effectively with your audience, or you wow the audience but end up diluting and undermining the brand over time. You have to work with your individual art director or creative director to find a middle ground—and usually both parties will have to give a little.

Luckily, there are some creative directors who understand that overly strict guidelines will only stifle the brand. “We have established strong brand touchstones—a brand guide, asset templates, and great example pieces—that represent the visual brand that we are striving for,” says Workfront creative director David Lesue. “The team knows to draw from them when creating anything new. But they also know that those touchstones aren’t inflexible. The brand is a living, evolving thing that design gets to push—over time—into new directions.”

5. Avoid Overly Narrow Campaigns

If you want to pull off campaigns that succeed across channels and up and down the funnel, they need to be built for flexibility, not for total uniformity on every piece that goes out. This goes for both messaging and images.

I’ve frequently attended brainstorm sessions where great ideas didn’t make the cut, simply because they weren’t translatable to enough of our potential audiences and channels. The best concepts are those that can be adapted for a playful video to share on Facebook as well as an informative whitepaper or ebook.

Of course, this tip mainly applies to big, multi-faceted campaigns that involve all levels of the marketing organization. The more juice you can squeeze out of that orange, the better. You’ll also be launching smaller, more targeted campaigns throughout the year. Keep an eye on which of those resonate the most; you never know when a lone-wolf asset will inspire your next comprehensive campaign.

Party in the Front, Business in the Back

Whether you’re producing B2B or B2C content, there’s room for a bit of personality in even the most serious brand. In fact, a touch of humanity is increasingly essential in the age of authenticity we live in today.

While it’s true that too much fun and frivolity can make a brand seem young and immature, the pendulum can easily swing too far the other way, making your brand come across as cold and overly corporate. It takes trial and error to strike the right balance for your business. A great place to start is the “party in the front, business in the back” strategy. Create playful top-of-the-funnel content that directs people to more serious content down the line, and adapt as needed.

Please note: While I borrowed the “business in the front, party in the back” tagline (and reversed it) from that infamous ‘80s haircut known as “the mullet”—sported by such style legends as John Stamos, Michael Bolton, and Andre Agassi (who later admitted his was a wig!)—I am in no way advocating for a return of the hairdo itself.

Get a weekly dose of the trends and insights you need to keep you ON top, from the strategy team at Convince & Convert. Sign up for the Convince & Convert ON email newsletter.

http://ift.tt/2q2BpR6