#not yet buddies with the Wizard King Cartman or Elf King Kyle

[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 11: When all goes to shit!

All I can say I’m on a roll these last two days!

I needed to write and finish this chapter.

Happy reading!

It’s already dawn when the whole army of Kupa Keep, seriously where do all these kids come from, I never saw them at the Kingdom, and the Goth kids reach the school.

King If-I-don’t-eat-cheesy-pops-I-will-die stands before us.

Loud, so that even the people a neighborhood away can hear him, he proclaims: “Defenders of freedom! I thank you for your courage, and your audacities in joining our fight! Tonight, we are no longer the humans or the goths. Tonight, we unite as ONE!”

“I feel like SUCH a homo sapien right now.”, deadpans the boss goth, whom I learned his name is Micheal.

I can’t help but snort. It’s funny! Even if this wasn’t surely why he said it.

By the way, I love the whole Viking-vibe, the Goths have going on. They look cool!

Two of the upper-floor windows open and elves look out of it.

“THE HUMANS ARE HERE!”, shouts one, as another blows a war horn.

“Ooh, they blew their horn! Blow ours, Butters!”, commands King I-need-to-see-a-diat-doctor.

Leo does just that, while Cartman shouts more commands: “Guys, flank left! Goth kids, prepare to attack from behind!”

It’s time!

Let’s get this show on the roll.

I take a deep breath and feel how Princess Kenny takes my hand. We look at each other in understanding.

Tonight the Wizard King will fall and a Queen will rise!

Getting into the school is easy.

We planned that the elven would barricade the front door, "forcing" us to use the backdoor.

I have Leo and Princess Kenny with me as we make our way through the kitchen.

“N.K., if you're in the building: You're fighting for a tyrant, but I know there's good in you.”, sounds from the speaker’s King Kyle’s voice. He is playing his part perfectly. “Stop fighting for your evil lord! Free yourself from his control!”

I’m holding hands with Kenny, while Leo holds into my arm.

“A-All right, fella’s, no turning back.”, he stutters nervously.

“It will work, don’t worry.”, reassures Princess Kenny.

I nod in agreement.

“Just stick to what we discussed and nothing bad will happen.”

“I-I will try.”

We reach the cafeteria where Tweek perfectly plays having a meltdown since all his friends are "death".

There are other kids from Kupa Keep we don’t know and aren’t part of our plan. He needs to.

I give him a head pat.

Me and my two buddies move forward.

We reach the barricade of the elven.

“Monsieur Hamilton?”, whispers an elf to me.

“Monsieur Lafayette!”, I say the code we agreed on.

If you are wondering is this a Hamilton reference?

Yes, yes it is!

I love that musical!

With a nod, the elf let us through without problems.

We leave the cafeteria and are in the familiar hallway where Princess Kenny and I defeated the evil sixth-grader ginger hall monitor.

Again we get asked the code by the elves and I answer.

As we pass the barricade King Kyle’s voice sounds from the speakers again.

“These are the terms of your surrender! One! You will be the elves' personal slave for...”

“A month.”, comes Stan along.

“One month! Two! You agree that the elves are the masters of the Stick for all time! Three. You eh...”

“Hey, hand me the mic for a sec. Three. The so-called Grand Wizard has to jump up and down continuously for three straight days. If he stops early, he has to start over.”

“Hehehahyahaheh!”

Princess Kenny and I laugh imagine if Cartman has to do this really.

All this bouncy fat, I can’t!

Only Leo tries not to laugh. My little brother is such a sweet bean.

We reach now the basement…and what the fuck?

Why is Cartman there?

Wasn’t he busy at the entrance?

He stands over a ginger hallway monitor, frowning.

As King Fatass hears us coming down the stairs he turns to us.

“Stay back you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hallway monitors!”

“Help... please...”, whimpers the hall monitor.

“That's Gary Nelson!”, yells Leo and runs up to his side. He helps Gary sit up.

“Don't touch him, he's ginger!”, warns Cartman.

Princess Kenny and I deadpan at him and I so wish I could already kick his ass.

“We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty.”, explains Gary, coughing. “We didn't know the school had been canceled. We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo, i-it was everywhere. It... changed the other hallway monitors.”

“Serves you right for being a patsy-ass hallway monitor in the first place.”, huffs our Grand Wizard Asshole.

Gary stands up, turning his back to us, staggering away.

“Something in the goo... it... it...”

Suddenly he turns back around.

Oh no!

He is a Nazi Zombie!

That is the signal for our brave Wizard Fatass to run out of the basement.

“AAGHGH! Somehow that green goo makes ginger hallway monitors even LAMER!”

 We three get ready to battle the zombified Nazi ginger.

Good that we are three since he calls for backup.

We defeat them.

“Hey! What's wrong with these guys?”, asks Princess Kenny.

“Yeah, big sis, what happened to these guys?”, wonders Leo.

“You guys heard about the Taco Bell, which is going to be built? Well, it’s actually a crash-landed UFO who leeks this green goo which turns basically anything organic into a Nazi Zombie.”, I explain.

“You are shitting me.”, say’s Princess Kenny in disbelief.

“I wish I was, but it’s true.”

“That’s such a cliche!”

“I know!”

“Fella’s, we need to get moving. Even if I agree with ya.”

“You are right, Leo.”

We make our way through the basement.

More Ginger Nazi Zombies await us, but using the special abilities of my friends and the environment to our advantage we manage to defeat them.

I can’t help myself and flirt a bit with Kenny: “Your tits are so amazing, even the brain death get charmed by them.”

She giggles cutely, giving me as thank you, a quick kiss on the lips.

At least one of my crushes is into me.

Sign.

I wonder what I need to do to get a sweet kiss from Kyle?

We are finally out of the basement. The hallway we follow leads us to the school entrance.

“N.K! You don't want to be on the wrong side of this when Wizard Fatass's army falls. Think about what you're doing!”

There Stan waits all ready for us with his elven.

He plays his part as an obstacle awesome, but did he really need to use dog poo on us?

Anyway, we “conquer” the lobby, and Stan retreats.

Entering from the right comes Wizard Big Belly.

“Good work! Douchebag, man the catapult, and let our guys through the front door. Everyone, fall in!”

I nod, doing as he says.

We are closing now on the Endgame.

I need to use Cup-A-Spell to let the barricade before the front door explodes so the rest of the Kupa Keep army can enter the school.

I swerve, in the next RPG, I will demand no farting powers!

“Push forward! I must save my strength for the final battle!”, tells me Cartman.

“As you wish my lord.”, I simply reply.

Me, Kenny, and Leo continue on.

Stan is in the hallway and after making sure Cartman or someone who isn’t on the plan isn’t with us he smiles sheepishly at us.

“Sorry about the dogpoo. I hope I didn’t get one of you.”

“It’s whatever.”, I wave it off. “You played your part and in the end, this is all that is important. Also Stan where is Tammy?”

Surprisingly I hear how Kenny mumbles her name in question. I wonder what’s up with that?

“She is with Kyle, protecting him. Lady Tammy is a damn good fighter!”

Proud like a mama I nod.

“That she is. We see us later Stan.”

He salutes and lets us pass.

“N.K.”, whisper Kenny. “Is this Tammy, Tammy Warner?”

Now I’m the one who is surprised.

“Yeah. Do you know her?”

Kenny is silent, but Leo isn’t.

“Tammy Warner? Wasn’t she your girlfriend, Kenny?”

….WHAT?!

“Butters!”, hisses Kenny angrily, and my little bro flatters under the eyes of the Princess.

“Okay, we will open this can of worms later.”, I decide for us all. “We need to focus and stick to the plan.”

We reach the second floor.

There we "help" Tweek and King Kyle has another message: “Last chance, N.K.! He's nothing without you. Walk away from this!”

We continue on and enter the hallway with the fourth-grade and fifth-grade classrooms.

“Seriously, N.K. , you're breaking my balls here.”

Again, how the heck did Cartman manage to be there before us? He was behind us! Craig and Scott are with him also.

“This is it!”, tells me Fatass. “You have the honor of leading the final assault, Commander.”

Oh if only you know.

I look at my friends, who all give me nods.

There are ready to.

So I open the door to the fourth-grade classroom.

King Kyle with a hooded Tammy on his side awaits us.

“Back away from the desk, Jew King!”, shouts King I’m-pretty-much-against-everyone-who-isn’t-white-straight-male-and-catholic.

“The Stick doesn't belong with a fat, RACIST LIAR!”, counters King Kyle.

While the two throw insults at each other the rest of my friends joins us in the classroom and Tammy walks over to me. She squeezes my hand in comfort.

It’s nearly time.

“All right, Kyle, you fuckin asked for it.”, growls Cartman after the two are done with their shouting match. King Kyle was right he really knows how to rile up Cartman. “Go ahead and kick his ass, Douchebag.”

All is still.

No one moves.

King Cheesy Pops looks around confused.

“Hello? Commander Douchebag, do your thing.”

“Actually…”, I trail off and hold my wand under his fat double chin. “This is the part where you get your ass kicked!”

“Fucking what?!  Oh, you motherfucker! I KNEW you were a fucking douchebag!”

But then his eyes widen as he sees that all are pointing their weapons at him.

Elven and human.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT’S GOING ON?!”, he shrieks aloud. “HAVE YOU ALL TURNED FUCKING TRAITORS?!”

“Let’s just say we are ready for a new era.”, deadpan Craig at him.

“WHAT?!”

I poke with my wand his double chin.

“It means I’m challenging you to a duel for the throne of Kupa Keep! Since I have the majority on my side it’s my right to ask for a change in the RPG. Everybody here, all the major players, supports this. So it’s legit. If you win you stay King, if I win Kupa Keep is mine!”

“YOU-YOU LITTLE POWER-HUNGRY PUSSY I WILL SHOW YOU TO TAKE MY MAN FROM ME AND TRY TO GET MY THRONE!”

With a battle cry, Cartman launches himself at me and we start our epic battle.

In the end, even if I hate it how, I win, since my farts were more potent than his.

Defeated Cartman lay on the floor.

I breathe heavily, not believing I have done it.

I defeated him.

I will be queen!

I raise my wand high in victory.

All around me the guys and Tammy celebrate and applaud me.

“Ding dong, the wicked wizard is death!”, yells Tammy and hugs me from behind.

Then I step away from her to Cartman.

I want him to see this.

“Fatass you shall know who really defeated you.”, I say to him.

Tired he raises his head, glaring at me.

“Oh, I know it perfectly a traitorous douchebag!”

“No, A GIRL!”

Dramatically I strip away my Link cosplay and I stand before him as Dark Magician Girl.

Like this, no one can mistake me for a boy.

I hear gulps and feel looks on my free legs and my hemline, where you can see a bit of my breast modestly peeking out.

“I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend…”, mumbles Token.

“Me too, we shouldn’t look, dude…”, adds Stan.

“Oh dear, I think my blood sugar just got higher.”, murmurs Scott.

“W-What a d-dramatic revelation m-my lady!”, congrats me Jimmy.

“My big sister is so pretty!”, gushes Leo.

“Well, rational speaking she is pretty but it doesn’t do it for me.”, deadpan Craig. Surprisingly Tweek agrees with him.

…My Bi-Fi is picking something up…

I can feel how Kenny formally zeros on my breasts and…Kyle is adorable red in the face and tries to not look in my direction.

Tammy and I share a look.

Boys.

Only Cartman looks at me in disgust.

“You were a girl! The whole time! You fucking liar! I should banish-“

“You can’t anymore.”, I stop him. “I won the duel. I’m now the rightful ruler of Kupa Keep. I’m the Dark Magician Queen N.K. and you will accept this or you can stop playing with us.”

Fatass gets so red in the face that he resembles an angry pepperoni.

“Wait for a second guys.”, calls Tammy for attention.

We all collectively ignore Cartman’s outrage over another girl.

“We all set up Cartman with the Stick been in the possession of the elven, but where is the Stick actually? Since Cartman clearly hasn’t it like we thought.”

…OH MY GOD TAMMY IS RIGHT!

“What, I thought you guys had stolen the Stick already from him and placed it in his table.”, tells us, King Kyle.

…WHAT?!

“Kyle, who wrote you this?”, I ask him with a bad feeling in my stomach.

“I get a letter with your initials on it.”

“Well, I didn’t send you one!”

What is going on?!

“Guys, our school uses tabletops. They don’t have insides!”, reminds us, Tammy.

Now even Cartman looks worried around.

Someone is playing with all of us!

“Hey look at this!”, calls Leo over. He had inspected the tabletops. “This desk has writing on it! "Check my locker."”

“Whose desk is that?”, wonders Kyle.

It’s Cartman who answers him: “That's... that's CLYDE'S desk.”

Uh-Oh.

I follow Kyle, Stan, and Cartman to Clyde’s locker, the others are all behind us.

The locker isn’t even closed and Stan takes out a laptop from it.

He plays the video on it.

Clyde in violette armor with the Stick of Truth in his hands appears!

“Greetings, Humans and Drow Elves of Zaron!”

“Clyde!”, shouts Stan.

“HE took the Stick!”, realizes Cartman.

“No shit Sherlock!”, I add shocked.

“While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!”

“Oh no it's more of that green stuff!”, points Kyle out.

“Oh god don’t tell me he is going to turn the death kitty into a Nazi Zombie!”, I shriek.

Sadly he does.

Fuck you dude!

“With what I have found, I shall raise an army of the dead! I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill the earth!”

“Clyde... but why?”, wonders Stan.

“I banished him to be lost in space and time -- now he's all pissed off.”, tells him Fatass.

“So you see, FOOLS, I control the stick AND the future of the Earth.”

“Clyde, do you want a sandwich?”

“Not right now Dad I'm making a Ruler of Darkness video. Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe -- and my first deed is that I hereby DENOUNCE the human and the elf kingdoms! I know about little Douchebag’s plan to dethrone the Wizard King so to be sure I strip all rulers of all their power! HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAA!”

With that the video ends.

“Motherfucker!”, curses Cartman.

We all whole heartily agree.

I wasn’t even queen for half an hour and now that!

Fuck you, Clyde, I hope you catch something nasty!

Together all important humans and elven make their way to Clyde’s house.

With his wizard stick, Cartman knocks angrily at the door.

“Oh hello, boys! Oh and the two young ladies.”, greets Clyde’s dad.

“Can we speak to Clyde, please?!”, ask and demands Cartman at the same time.

“Oh, Clyde's out playing in the backyard with his little friends.”

With that, we all enter the house and go to the backyard.

What we see…Clyde Kingdom is bigger than Kupa Keep and the Eleven Kingdom together multiply by 10!

It would be really impressive if Clyde didn’t get a villain arc.

“Come and get it losers! Ha ha ha haa!”, mocks Clyde from one of his balconies.

“You can't do that Clyde! You're lost in time and space!”, reminds him Cartman.

“No, I'm not.”

“Yeah, you are, asshole!”

“Army of Darkness! Defend the fortress!”

From everywhere kids appear on the fortress.

I see these fake poser wannabe vampire kids, the fifth-grade girls I bet up, some other fifth graders who pose as Cyclops, and…

“Craig... ?”, trails Cartman off. “Craig you're on my side!”

“You mean on my side. I may have been queen only for a few minutes but it still counts!”, I remind him. “But I agree, Craig what are you doing there?!”

“None of you have authority anymore, the keeper of the Stick said so.”

“This can't be happening.”, says Kyle in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Cartman shouts: “GOD DAMMIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITAH!”

“Sorry, warriors and wizards, I'd love to invite you into my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're too LATE!”, stresses Clyde the word late.

“Too late?”, repeats Stan confused. “What’d ya mean we're too late?”

Suddenly Leo’s parents appear.

“There you are, Butters! Do you know what time it is mister?! It is WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME!”, yells his dad.

“Oh shit it's past our bedtime?”, curses Cartman.

Kyle is already walking out of the backyard.

“Dude I'm gonna get it!”

“Hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, laughs Clyde in our faces.

Tammy takes my hand.

Together we leave the backyard.

Fucking bullshit!

I enter my home pissed beyond belief.

We manage to dethrone Cartman, me becoming queen of Kupa Keep, only to have this plot twist with Clyde and his army of darkness and the goddamn motherfucking Stick of Truth!

Who writes this game?!

J.J. Abrams?

Or a fangirl with way too much time on her hands?!

“N.K. sweetie there you are, we got worried.”, greets me, Mamma.

“Aren’t you cold like that?”, wonders Papà, pointing at my Dark Magician Girl cosplay. “What happened to your Link cosplay?”

….I’m not gonna tell that I ripped it off to have a dramatic reveal of my true gender.

“No Papà, I’m not cold. I put Link back in the closet. I wanted to be Dark Magician Girl.”

“Well, you will know for sure what is good for you, princess.”

Tired from all this day I ask what’s for dinner.

They got take-out food again, this time from City Wok. They already eat, so I sit down with my noodle box between my parents and watch with them TV.

It’s a documentary about ancient Greece.

Nice.

I love this shit.

After I’m finished eating my parents tell me it’s really time for bed now, I can’t finish watching with them the documentary.

Another disappointment for the day.

I go up to the bathroom, take a quick shower and put my P.J. on.

I’m cuddling up with my teddy bear in bed, as Mamma walks in to wish me a good night like always.

“Goodnight, my little gumdrop.”, she cooed. “Hope you're enjoying all the peace and quiet in our new home as much as we are.”

Peace and quiet.

That’s funny.

We have not only free wandering Nazi Zombies here, the treat that three entire blocks of South Park get blown up by the government, no a fourth-grade boy is on an ego trip and uses the goo who turns people into Nazi Zombies for taking revenge because he got banish in a stupid little RPG!

I huff and snuggle with my teddy bear.

“This whole town and its inhabits are nuts, Ursa!”, I whisper-shout to my teddy bear.

Yeah, I talk with my teddy bear and I gave her the most creative name ever! Leave me alone.

Ursa of course has no words of encouragement for me.

It’s not Toy Story.

I close my eyes and try to sleep.

I will need all my forces tomorrow to kick Clyde’s ass and somehow stop the Nazi Zombies.

What is my life?

I don’t know anymore.

We should have stayed in Seattle, would have been better for anybody.

With that thought on my mind, I fall into a restless sleep.

Next

[muttsterion]

Stick of Truth Buddies!