#not to mention it has old men to sexualize. but that's like a special bonus.

[jaradraws]

strange things from the deep

alt vers under cut

[whyqueerbaitingisbad]

movies & shows

cracks knuckles* alright this is going to be more of a rant than an analysis because i’m basing this on both my research, but also how it felt to personally be baited by these shows. there are obviously more pieces of bad (almost every horror movie) and good ones but these are the ones i’ve watched.

please keep in mind that i am but one queer and everyone has different opinions.

Supernatural (CW) 2005

This show is 15 years old and just ended. From season 5 till 15, there has been tension between two of the lead characters. They were constantly shipped together and not only did the entire fandom know about this ship but so did almost all of Tumblr. On top of that, the actors and show runners knew about it as well. Which is why it makes it ridiculous that it was constantly pushed aside while the romantic coding  kept happening, even after show runners dismissed it as being intentional. The Destiel (Dean x Cas) case has been going on for years, and as the show came to its end, many fans had hope. But N O P E. Instead, we got a love confession from Cas where Dean looked like he was near constipated and the Cas was killed and sent into a fiery place that was not hell but s u p e r  h e l l.

… w hy.

Sherlock (BBC) 2010

Just like Supernatural, this show was renown on Tumblr for not only how good it was, but its hinting at a potential relationship between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. But again, like Supernatural, the intentional tension between the two characters was denied by producers. This caused an uproar within the fandom, and even left some people believing that, after the last season aired, it had been a joke and the producers were hiding a “secret, unaired season” because they had felt so robbed by this show that had implied something and denied it.

The 100 (CW) 2014

We got lesbians. We got background gays. We were happy. Then, all of a sudden, one of them is killed for no reason. Did it advance the plot? No. Was she fighting and died in battle? lol no. She was doing literally nothing and got shot and died. And then the producers kept bringing her back once a season in the form of a ghost or illusion because why? Because she was a fan favourite queer character. ✨bury your gays and sparingly bring them back for profit anyone?✨

Voltron: Legendary Defender (Netflix) 2016

*deep breathe* This one is a special disaster. Not only was there romantic tension and romantically coded scenes for 7 seasons, but producers, voice actors and artists working on the show repeatedly said “don’t worry klance (Keith x Lance) shippers, you’ll be happy”

. … w h e r e??? You code one of their scenes with a sunset in the background while they talk about love and then one of them goes on a date with someone who has declined his advances for 7 seasons but now in season 8 decides to do a full 180. Not only that, but you announce at a Comic Con (a convention) that a character is gay and has a fiancé, only to kill off the fiancé and never make it explicit in the show except at the last second of the last episode where he marries a no name character. 

Personally, i’d like to say a big fuck you to the show that strung me along for 2 years and never stopped saying we’d be happy to then pull the rug out from under us and call us crazy for thinking anything from the past 8 seasons was intentional.

Scooby-Doo (2002) 

While not being outwardly queerbaiting, this movie’s filmmaker has just revealed some shocking news, which wasn’t at all shocking to the gays who had watched this movie over the years. In July of 2020, James Gunn, the filmmaker of Scooby-Doo, revealed in a podcast that, initially, Velma was explicitly gay in his script, but then the studio watered it down until it became nothing. This isn’t an example of baiting as much as it is changing a character’s initial design to “better fit an audience”. The worst part of all this is that with Velma’s character having been written with a l i t t l e queer subtext, people had been theorizing about if since the movie came out, but were always yelled at by the internet for “imagining something that isn’t there”. But now, even with it being said that the initial point was for her to be gay, people have no objections to still refusing to accept it. Why?? So we can’t get the subtext gays OR the confirmed gays?? Make it make sense.

Brooklyn 99 (NBC) 2013

To have the queer characters firstly introduced without mentioning their sexualities and have it brought up naturally was so goddamn nice to see, because no one does a big deal about it unless they ask for that. This show is amazing in general but the way they show their queer characters is *chefs kiss*.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) 2018

This. Show. My heart SOARS. It's just a remake of an old show so absolutely nothing was ever expected, but then it was sprinkled in and ENDED WITH A BANG. And it was so beautiful and real to see the struggle of two friends who care for each other and want to be together but have different visions of the world fall in love. And they also had characters with disabilities, a non-binary character and jUST SUCH A GOOD SHOW.

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts (Netflix) 2020

This is a case where you go into it not expecting anything and are BLOWN AWAY by the bare minimum. And not because it’s bad!! It's mind blowing because this is the simple representation we need!! Not something over the top, but an every day relationship. It’s just two boys falling in love and going on dates and being nervous around each other, yet i was so stunned. Because it’s not shown enough. I should not be this excited over something that should be this normal. 10/10 though this show is so good for all kinds of representation.

Steven Universe (Cartoon Network) 2013

This show did so much for queer representation with its general message of loving everyone and loving who you want. Especially since it was aired on Cartoon Network, a channel for kids, it was able to help normalize something so looked down upon in some circles. It made it easy to watch for s o m e people because it's a cartoon but it's so beautiful to see these ladies so in love with each other, both platonically and romantically and we see them have a family dynamic that isn’t a “nuclear family”. Rebecca Sugar (creator) really said “lemme just break all stereotypes real quick”.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network) 2010

It's the “knowing a fanbase shipped something so hard that the creators made it canon” for me. This relationship had been theorized by fans for years, but it had never been explicit in the show. When the finale episode came out and the two shared a kiss, it was a moment of celebration. The producer of the show said that it had not really been planned but when the episode was being made, the choice of what happened was given to one of the artists (bless your soul Hanna K. Nyströmthe). And as the show releases little bonus episodes, its latest was centered around Marceline and Bubblegum and their relationship. AND WE LOVE TO SEE OUR DOMESTIC LESBIANS BEING HAPPY AND IN LOVE.

Yuri on Ice!!! (anime) 2016

The fact that an A N I M E gave us a love story between two men is mind boggling and it makes me so happy!! Especially because it's a Japanese show and they’re very conservative about these things just makes it more emotional. The creators said they wanted to make the anime take place in a world where gay/straight isn’t a thing, it’s just love (ladies, you’re going to make me cry). So as the weekly episodes came out and fans start speculating, THEY GAVE US THE LAST FEW EPISODES FULL OF ROMANCE AND EMOTIONAL SCENES BETWEEN THE TWO AND THEN THEY GET R I N GS?!???!! You watch for the figure skating, you stay for the figure skaters that are in love.

Shadowhunters (Freeform) 2016

*insert me being frustrated that the actors are straight so we can move on from that disappointment*

This show really said “let’s name a whole episode after this couple because they deserve it”. But seriously, they gave us two characters whose entire plot does not center around their sexualities while still showing us the differences in a relationship between someone experienced and someone new at this. They were both powerful and amazing characters apart from each other, with their own story lines and goals but they loved each other so much omgs. SO MUCH. 

It was so great to watch.

Love, Simon (2018) 

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether this movie is good representation or not. However, we need to take into consideration that this was Hollywood’s first movie with a main character that was gay, where the story’s focus was on Simon’s love story. The biggest problem, for me at least, was that the actor playing Simon is a straight man and not queer. My problem is not with him, but the fact that there are other actors that are gay and that could have played Simon just as well. (the love interested was however played by a queer actor so ✨progress✨)

All in all, this movie does represent what a lot of queer kids have to go through: being outed at school, how they then come out, the bullying and doubt they go through.

The book is also really good.

Call Me By Your Name (2018)

This movie is so aesthetically pleasing and was able to capture the confusion and heartbreak felt by a boy who’s struggling with his own feelings towards a man. His inner conflict and joy and l o v e he feels but doesn’t know how to deal with is so well communicated through the screen and just breaks your heart because it feels so real.

But again, they could’ve gotten gay actors to play gay characters…

through having this list here, i want to show you that it’s not hard for creators to give good queer representation. the LGBTQ+ community isn’t asking for much, we just want to be well represented on screen as just a regular character, not some token queer kid there for the diversity points. having been exposed to so much queerbaiting and just not seeing any representation on screen, i always get over-excited when i see a queer character, and that’s not how it should be. it should be a normal thing, something you can find in most pieces of media, just like there’s a straight white cisgender person in everything.

and they seriously need to start casting queer actors for queer characters...

[alastanor]

Thanks for tagging me @thalfox this took me a long time to finish, and I'm gonna be dog tired in the morning, but it was worth it. Lol. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

1 • What is your MC’s name? What is their name origin? What does it mean (if it ever has a meaning).

❄ Eirlys is Welsh for "Snowdrop" and it is pronounced as either Eye-r-liss, or Aye-r-liss. Depending on which part of Wales you hear the name.

2 • When is their birthday? How old are they? What about their zodiac sign? (bonus point if you give their rising or even their birth/natal chart)

♋ She was born March 10th, and she is a Pisces.

As for her age, this one has more to do with RAD. RAD stands for Royal Academy of Diavolo. An academy, if you search the definition, is typically a school of higher learning or secondary education. Like a college, if you will. But Academy doesn't always refer to a sort of college. In some cases, it can also apply to a High School. My theory is that RAD is a mixture of both. A sort of college, but with hints of High School-esque scheduling and culture. Or perhaps it can function as both. I tend to lean toward the latter, in which case I make Eirlys somewhere between 20 and 23 years old.

3 • What is your MC’s gender? And what are their sexual/romantic preferences?

Eirlys identifies primarily as female with she/her pronouns. She is demisexual, and considers herself panromantic. However, she puts a heavy emphasis on romance.

(Me personally, I don't mind they/them pronouns though I typically identify with she/her. I am also demisexual but biromantic.)

4 • What is your MC’s race? (human, demon, angel, other). If human, what are their nationality and origins?

💁‍♀️Eirlys is human. As for nationality, origins, heritage, etc... Eirlys grew up in Japan, though she herself is not ethnically Japanese.

5 • Before coming to Devildom, what was their occupation? (job, studies…)

📖 Eirlys worked part time in her school's library while attending classes full time at a college overseas.

6 • Height? Weight? Describe their body type.

Eirlys is 5'3" (160 cm) and roughly 110 lbs (49.8 kgs). Her body type would best be described as a triangle/pear shape (slim chest, breasts on the smaller side, while body widens out into voluptuous hips).

7 • Who is/are your MC’s love interest(s) (if they ever have one). Summarise their dynamic.

💛 Eirlys found Mammon irritating when she first met him, and became increasingly frustrated at how he looked down on her for being a human. But over time, as she got to know him, she came to enjoy his conversation and his company. He made her laugh, and despite being a demon he was so full of energy and life that Eirlys found not just refreshing but endearing. Before long, she realized she had fallen in love with him despite the protests of his brothers regarding her taste in men.

🧡 Leviathan was another of the brothers Eirlys found infuriating, not just in how he also looked down on her for being human, but how often he whined and complained about seemingly everything when they first met. But like Mammon, the more she got to know him, the more she found she had in common with Leviathan. Falling asleep on his shoulder watching anime with him in his room, or enjoying his company while playing games, has made it increasingly difficult not to love him in some capacity even if she loves Mammon more. Because of this, she allows Leviathan to believe she would never be interested in him. As cruel as that might be for both of them.

💜 Belphegor, on the other hand, she is fully aware of how he feels about her. She keeps it platonic between them, because even though she has forgiven him for his deceit and his attempt to kill her not once- but twice, she cannot forget it. The memory sours any thoughts of being more than just friends. Somewhere deep in his heart, she is sure Belphie knows this. And deeply regrets it.

8 • Does your MC have any specific appearance features? (Scars, marks, anything else)

She has skin pale as fresh snow, fluffy light pink hair like sweet cotton candy, and clear pale celeste blue/aquamarine colored eyes.

Beyond this, there is nothing remotely remarkable or striking about her.

9 • Does your MC have any disabilities? (physical, mental health, etc). How do they deal with it?

Eirlys has suffered some trauma in the past which has led to some issues. Don't want to give too much away as I am in the process of writing a fic.

10 • How do you imagine your MC’s voice? Describe it.

Her voice is gentle and light. Silvery, dulcet tones might be a good way to describe it. Her voice will get rather harsh and stentorian if she is angry enough.

11 • Does your MC have any tattoos or piercings? Just tell us more about it!

She has pierced ears on her lobes, she was never brave enough to get any in the cartilage as much as she wanted them. Her skin reacts badly to many kinds of metals, a kind of skin allergy, so she can never keep piercings in for very long.

12 • Describe their clothing style (if they have a favorite style). Do they have specific accessories Bonus question: how do they wear RAD uniform?

To sum it up, Eirlys dresses in typically classic chic style with a touch of hipster or grunge here and there.

For her uniform, Eirlys keeps it looking crisp and sleek. These would be good examples. Of fashion types and how she wears her uniform.

The RAD uniform images, the not quite RAD uniform one on the right, I thought the skirt may be more in line with what the uniform used. Versus the pencil skirt-esque look on the left. The boots on the right would also be more akin to what Eirlys would wear.

Is your MC able to use magic? If so, are they skilled? How do they learn? Were they able to use it before coming to Devildom?

🔮 Eirlys is still learning about her abilities, abilities that have not fully awoken though they had been stirred when Solomon allowed her to use his powers. Using his powers was like the catalyst to tapping into a yet untapped wellspring. Though the water from that wellspring has yet to fully come forward.

Before that, Eirlys fully believed she was just another unremarkable human with nothing special about her, as Lucifer often said.

14 • Describe your MC’s parents (names, jobs, personalities). Do they have any siblings? What is their relationship with their family?

🎀 From what Eirlys knows of her parents through stories, her parents loved one another very much. Her mother had been her father's first love in college, and years later they had her. However, when she was still very young her family had been killed by a reckless drunk driver while visiting other family. Eirlys was taken in by her aunt, who worked as a fashion consultant in Tokyo.

15 • How many languages do they speak? Which ones?

🀄 English and Japanese, though she is wanting to learn how to read Devilish and Celestial.

16 • What is their relationship with each brother?

I already mentioned Mammon, Levi, and Belphie above. So I will leave them out here.

🖤 Lucifer - When Eirlys first met Lucifer, she didn't know what to make of him. All she knew was that he was intimidating and likely very dangerous. It took a lot of time for her to not only come to trust Lucifer and feel safe around him, but to like him and understand his motives behind his methods. But Lucifer was never her type, and instead she looks to him now like a younger sister to a reliable older brother. Even if that older brother can be mildly sadistic in his teasing.

💚 Satan - After being introduced to Satan, Eirlys did find him attractive and was excited to find another bookworm even here among all the demons. However, after she was introduced to Satan and came to find Satan smiled when he was angry, she found communicating with him equally as intimidating as Lucifer's threats. Trying to figure out when he was angry and when he was genuinely happy really did a number on her anxiety, and eventually kept her from really communicating with him overmuch for an extended length of time. It wasn't until later that she tried getting to know him better, and coming to find the source of all his anger. That information became the catalyst and foundation to their continuously building and growing friendship.

❤ Beelzebub - Beel has ever been the sweet one, even if he was a bit more distant when they first met. Beel was never outright cold or condescending to Eirlys, and the closer they became the sweeter he became. Before long, she found just how considerate and gentle Beel truly was. Despite this, Beel never appealed to her romantically. Instead, much like Lucifer, she looks to Beel as a gentle and reliable brother of sorts.

💗 Asmodeus - His penchant for lechery always threw Eirlys off balance, being the non-sexual type. When she first met him and found he was the Avatar of Lust, her first instinct was to keep ten yards between them at all times. Asmodeus was the wild card in the deck of seven for Eirlys, because though he has tendencies toward the egotistical side, she can never fully peg him. Even after getting to know him and forming a bond with him. Asmodeus, she found, has ever been able to tell when something he did was making her uncomfortable. He never pushed cuddling beyond what Eirlys wanted it to be or was comfortable with, even if he joked occasionally about doing it naked.

17 • What is their relationship with each side characters?

🐕 Luke: She was rather bemused upon meeting Luke, and seeing him standing in contrast to Simeon lit an amused glint within her eyes. Perhaps it was because he was an angel, but Eirlys bonded with Luke rather quickly. Though she cannot say she likes everything about the child-like angel, as his anti-demon sentiment has grated on her the more she has bonded with the boys (it has grown more half-hearted recently), but she counts Luke among the few within the three realms she can fully rely on.

🕊 Simeon: He was always rather mesmerizing for Eirlys, in ways the demons weren't. Perhaps it was the mystery that surrounded him despite being such a beautiful angel. His eyes, so striking against his features, were particularly what drew her in. Whenever she speaks with Simeon, she cannot help but smile. Despite all this, she has closed her heart off to anything beyond friendship with Simeon. Perhaps because she already has feelings for Mammon and more complicated ones for Leviathan, or perhaps because she feels a relationship with an angel would be too out of bounds for a human like her. Maybe both. Either way, she considers Simeon a very dear friend.

🦋 Solomon: He was one Eirlys didn't think much of when she first met him, though she was rather jealous of his abilities. She did slowly think of him in more friendly terms, however there was always something about him she didn't fully trust. Solomon has ever been the Cheshire Cat to her Alice.

🏵 Diavolo: Eirlys doesn't really have a very strong opinion one way or the other about him. Though the mere fractions of a moment she has spent getting to know him, the more she finds her opinion shifting to the positive. He has demonstrated himself to be incredibly thoughtful, compassionate (for a demon), and mature each time. Even if he hides it behind a constantly smiling face.

🐉 Barbatos: A mysterious and handsome face. This was the first thought that entered Eirlys's mind when she first met Barbatos. But after learning of his abilities and seeing them in action, Barbatos has bypassed all other demons in the intimidation department and landed himself firmly on the "never piss off under any circumstances" list.

Not exactly an accurate graph, but it's the best I can do restricted to mobile.

18 • What is your MC’s main hobbies and passions?

♥️ Her hobbies include: reading, music, dancing (hip hop and the like), anime, manga, video games, dramas, and movies (except horror, because she is a little chicken shit and will be the first to admit it).

♠️ She has a passion for dancing and singing, though she isn't good enough by any means to be considered professional, and typically her singing and dancing has been in rooms alone, in the shower, or driving alone in her car (in the human world).

She also has a big love for stories, especially fantasy and romance. Be they in books, movies, anime/manga, or dramas.

19 • Why did they end up in Devildom in the first place? What happened to them?

An email went out to all the students of high school and college age, explaining the exchange program with a world long thought to be a mere myth stemmed from religion, and nothing more. Those interested in participating could apply and send in their application for consideration. Anyone not interested could simply disregard the email. It explained a deadline, details and requirements for application, along with signing an agreement form explaining the rules of conduct within the Devildom. It was surprisingly thorough and organized for a simple email.

Eirlys was intrigued, but a part of her thought it was just an elaborate prank. Over the next few weeks, she heard more and more about people who had put in an application and eventually she too relented and sent in an application. Though her application was sent right at the last minute. Almost literally.

20 • What is your MC’s MBTI type?

ENFJ

21 • Do they have a pact with each bro? Do they often use their pacts? In which situations?

Yes, she has a pact with each brother. And each pact has left it's mark on her. However, she refuses to use her pacts unless she absolutely has to. Though there are times when she has used them out of anger (think "sit, boy!" from Inuyasha).

22 • What is their favorite place in Devildom?

Her room, the music room, and the Royal Library. Though there is an odd beauty to the old Colliseum when it is empty.

23 • Which sin fits them the most?

This one is difficult, but if I had to pick one I would say Pride or Envy.

24 • Describe their personality.

Eirlys is a rather compassionate and kind person with a passion for life and a fierce loyalty to her select group of friends. She is a genuine, honest, and caring individual and a passionate altruist. Sometimes even to a fault, and she is unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas she believes in.

Eirlys won't turn down an opportunity to spend time with those she cares about, even if that means going to social gatherings she would otherwise not attend on her own.

Despite all this, Eirlys can sometime be too idealistic or even selfless to a fault. She is prone to fluctuating self-esteem and may ask for praise or criticism out of insecurity, more than anything else. What's more, some criticisms can be easy for Eirlys to take to heart. Allowing it to further chip away at her self-confidence.

25 • What is their moral alignment?

Neutral good.

26 • Does your MC possess an object/something especially dear to their heart?

No, not really...

27 • Which character(s) do they consider as their best friend(s)?

If Mammon doesn't count considering he is the love interest, then I would have to say Levi and Beel.

28 • Choose a song that fits your MC.

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

29 • What are your MC’s religious beliefs?

Eirlys considered herself Agnostic, with some leaning toward Earthy religions. She had no beliefs in Heaven or Hell, so when she received her invitation that was rather eye opening.

30 • Describe what is inside your MC’s school bag.

Text books, notebooks, mechanical pencils, pens, highlighters, a zip bag for those things, reading books, calculator, and other generic school necessities.

31 • Describe their appearance (pic refs are ofc allowed).

♣️ Eirlys generally has fluffy waves of light pink hair that falls in cascades to the middle of her back, clear celeste blue / aquamarine eyes (haven't fully decided which), and snowy pale skin. She is not very tall, and has a triangle-shaped figure. Her fashion sense typically aligns with classic chic with a touch of hipster and grunge or street punk depending on her mood. And how she wears her uniform typically reflects this fashion sense as well, as her uniform typically looks rather crisp and pristine compared to the demon she loves.

Otherwise the other best examples I have are these images, one from a webcomic on Tappytoons.

The top image is probably as close as I can get, with the changes being thicker hair and eyes that are more blue like the girl in the images below. There is also the matter of her bangs being what curls inward as opposed to the tufts of hair beside her ears. The girl below, her hair is a bit too curly, though and her bangs aren't right. Plus the tufts on the side of her face down curl against her cheeks enough like the images above. But beyond all that, this is as close to an example of what my MC looks like. How she wears her uniform is portrayed above.

Tagging || @mammon-chan @mammoron @obeymesideblog @obeyme-lumos @beelzebubisbestwaifu @slavetothemocha @mammon-squad @mambeelz

And anyone else who wants to join in.

[itsdaggerandsheath]

An Introduction to Sex (Part 2)

               To be quite honest with you, I don’t know when Fanfiction first really became popular or mainstream, nor do I know if it’s still those things. What I do know though was that it was a huge influence on my knowledge of sexuality as I was growing up. A good chunk of my education on sex as an… ”activity”, rather than solely a means of reproduction, came from Fanfiction.

               It’s occurring to me that perhaps some people reading this may not know what Fanfiction is, so I suppose I should attempt to explain it before I really get on with the story.

               Have you ever watched a TV show and really wished that your two favorite characters would just fall in love already?! With Fanfiction, you can write your own perfect story on how you picture that special moment happening, then publish it online for other people to read. Have you ever had a massive celebrity crush that you just wish would notice you? You can write a Fanfiction all about said celebrity falling for a character based on you! Anything goes with Fanfiction, really. Do you think the singer of your favorite band is into BDSM? Write a fic about them tying you up and ass-fucking you (or a character that you come up with) until the ropes make your wrists bleed. What about a disturbingly specific and detailed fic about your favorite band members squirting milk up the bottom’s asshole to clean out for anal sex (with more emphasis on the milk than the sex itself)? Yup, that exists. What about a fic involving your favorite YouTubers in which a live hamster is shoved up the sub’s asshole and the dom fills an entire hat with semen? Yes, it’s out there. (Bonus points to anyone who knows which fics I’m referring to).

               While some Fanfictions are wonderfully crafted love stories full of heart and passion, others…aren’t. And hey, smut is fine, I’ve read *cough* and written *cough* plenty of it myself. But surely, you would think, that the more explicit Fanfictions wouldn’t be accessible to those under the age in which it would be appropriate to read them, right?

               Wrong.

               I was eleven years old.

               I’d first come to discover Fanfiction through my favorite Disney television show at the time, Austin and Ally. Yes, that show that Ross Lynch was on. It was my favorite show in my tweens, and I wanted the two main characters – Austin and Ally, obviously – to end up becoming a couple so badly. My original goal was to see if maybe the writers of the show had hinted at the possibility of the two characters becoming a couple in an interview or something. So, I pulled out my phone – because my parents thought it was smart to let an eleven year old have a cellphone with full Internet access – and simply typed in, “When will Austin and Ally get together?”

               I did not find an interview with the show’s writers – instead, I found chatrooms, wiki forums, and YouTube videos from young people like myself who all had the same opinions on the subject as myself. I then clicked on a link that I thought was just going to be a post on some website from someone talking about how they wanted these characters to end up together like I did, but it was actually a link to a story on Fanfiction.net that I read and finished in the same day. From then on, I was hooked.

               Now, right away, I noticed that these stories had a rating system. I’m not sure if the rating system for Fanfiction.net has changed at all since it’s been years since I’ve been on there, but at the time, it was something like rated G, PG, T, and M (there might have been a T+ in between T and M, but I don’t remember). As I was eleven at the time, I stuck to the G and PG stories. Who would write rated M stories about a Disney show anyway? Oh, how naïve I was.

               One day, I read the summary for a new story that sounded exciting, so I opened it up without looking at the rating or the word count. All I saw was how many people at commented, so I figured it was a popular story that a lot of people liked! Turns out, it was a 300-word one-shot (meaning, it was a single chapter) consisting of Ally naked on her knees saying “please” over and over again while Austin rubs one out and eventually comes all over her face.

               I would like to issue a formal apology to Ross Lynch and Laura Marano.

               Seeing as I was eleven, I was traumatized, and was extra careful from then on (for a while, at least) to always check if the story was rated M.

               I was just so confused. I’d grown up being told that touching yourself was wrong, so why was there a one-shot about it on Fanfiction. And why did he do it on her face?! Such a concept had been unheard of to me at the time (because I was eleven). I was disgusted. I felt sick. I felt dirty. I felt wrong.

               I felt curious.

               But I was so afraid that I’d read something else strange or that I’d never known people to do sexually, I was afraid of what I’d learn, that despite my curiosity, I didn’t intentionally click on a rated M fic again until I was twelve. By this time, I’d had my first period and a few more, so I’d officially began puberty and became even more curious about sexuality. So, I began to search specifically for rated M Fanfictions because I wanted to know more about what sex was like and I was too scared to watch porn (we’ll get to that in Part 3).

               What I experienced while I read these sex scenes was something new, exciting. Why did I feel a throbbing sensation in my vulva? Why was I getting a tingling sensation like I had to pee? Why was my underwear getting wet? As I continued to read more and more of this erotic Fanfiction, I read about the female characters feeling similar sensations when they were feeling “aroused” or “horny”, which were new words for me. Why did I have to learn this through Fanfiction rather than in school?

               I then showed my new discovery to all my friends (of course). I remember when my entire cheerleading team had a sleepover, I’d told two of my closest friends on the team that I’d found Fanfiction with sex in it. Later that night, as the three of us lay in our sleeping bags with me in the middle, we huddled together to read the erotica on my phone. I remember them asking me things like, “How do girls come?”, “What does *insert word here* mean?” and “How does *insert sexual act here* work?”. I remember I loved telling them what I knew, like I had some fantastic, secret knowledge, and that it was my duty to share it with everyone I knew my age. So, I did. Soon all my friends were reading smutty Fanfictions.

               While still in my Disney phase, I ventured into the world of gay and lesbian fics as well. I didn’t know how sexual encounters worked between those of the same sex worked, so I read them more so out of curiosity rather than in search for arousal. However, I found that they aroused me anyway. I remember the first time I read a lesbian Fanfiction wishing I was in the characters’ shoes (I hadn’t realized I was bisexual yet, but that was a decent indicator), and then I read a fic with a threesome between two men and a woman and wondered why I hadn’t read it sooner.

               Why hadn’t I learned how same-sex couples have sex at all in school? Why didn’t I learn that males having sex with other males should still use condoms? Or that females having sex with other females should use dental dams? Why did I have to learn about these through Fanfiction of all things?

               By age fourteen, I had graduated from Austin and Ally and Fanfiction.net, and I eventually moved into my emo phase where I ventured into the world of band fics on Wattpad (I would also like to issue a formal apology to Chris Motionless and all of Motionless in White). It was here that I learned about BDSM – and Tumblr, but we’ll talk about that in Part 3. I was reading Wattpad stories about my favorite band, Motionless in White, and I’m pretty sure in every sex scene I ever read involving a girl and one of the band members (I mostly stuck to the ones about Chris because I adore him to this day) had mentions of spanking or some other form of impact play, and bondage was also seen very often, and occasionally a ball gag here and there. A common fantasy, it would seem, among young girls from all over the world who were probably far too young to be writing out such fantasies about men in their thirties. Oh yeah, sexual Fanfiction is plenty toxic too. I was fourteen reading brutal sex scenes about men who were way older than me, and a lot of the rougher/BDSM-esque fics were written in a way that made it seem like the sub was actually being raped as opposed to consenting to what was going on.

               Luckily, I saw this pretty quickly and knew that it was wrong, and I made sure to stop reading a Fanfiction if it seemed to be portraying rape in a romantic light. It’s likely that the person who wrote the Fanfiction didn’t intentionally mean to make the “sex” scene look like rape (although, having a girl scream “No, I don’t want to!” but then all of the sudden enjoying it once the guy forces himself inside of her should very obviously be seen was wrong), and they were just uneducated.

               And then, by age 16, I began reading exclusively gay Fanfiction about my favorite YouTubers, Dan Howell and Phil Lester – who I will not be issuing a formal apology to because they have stated that they whole-heartedly support Fanfiction, and have even gone as far as to read Fanfiction about themselves in videos, write Fanfiction about themselves for their book, and perform a parody of a Fanfiction about them live on stage in front of thousands of people. So. Anyway. I learned a lot about butt sex. Do you think they teach you about lube in school? Nah. But I learned about it from gay YouTuber Fanfiction.

               In Part 3 (which will be the last part of this series) I’ll discuss how websites like Tumblr and YouTube shaped my views on sexuality before I actually started having sex, and both the positive and negative impacts they had on me. In the meantime, have you ever read an extremely sexual Fanfiction that lowkey traumatized you? Did you get the most of your sex education from a probably-not-reliable-source like I did? Tell me your stories in the comments, or feel free to message me on Instagram @daggerandsheath

               I love you all and thank you so much for reading!

-          Dagger and Sheath

[writingforshalyn-blog]

December 23, 2019. I don’t fucking understand men??

So my relationship with my sexuality has gone from gay (kissing my 3rd or 4th girl cousin when I was 5, but make out style), to straight, to Straight And Borderline Homophobic, to gay, to bisexual, to Mostly Lesbian, to Pretty Evenly Divided Between Lesbian and Straight, and now the ONLY GUY WHOSE DICK I WANT TO SEE IS LEAVING ME HANGING AND GHOSTING.

Like, okay. I literally have never asked for a dick pic in my LIFE except for from this dude and only after I already saw it the first time (he asked if I wanted to see it and I said yes) and now he wants to act funny. I mean, don’t do this dude. It’s not like I want to even date the dude or even necessarily fuck him (although that would be a Big Bonus) but like, nudes??? How much is that to ask??? Especially considering that all of the nudes I sent him are just sitting in our chat saved for him to look at whenever he wants. Maybe I’ll unsave them and make him ask me for nudes again. I’m not sending him any more, I’m going on nude strike, until he asks me for nudes again. I would say until he begs for nudes but Michael is just not the begging type which I got mad respect for but... Beg.

The worst thing is that I’ve run out of space on my phone and had to choose between Mario Kart, a ton of my pictures/videos, and Tinder, so I obviously deleted Tinder (although I did consider mass deleting pictures, I thought it best to do that for the right reasons instead of just to gain potential hoes. I’m not a whore.). 

I’ve been jamming to Fine Line for days now and it makes me really happy. After really giving all the songs a good listen, I still think Adore You just hits a special part of my brain and heart and soul that I have to give it the title of my favorite song from the album. It makes my body sway and makes me want to dance and sing and gives me all the right feelings that I needed from HS1 that, truthfully, I never really got. Honorable mentions are She, Cherry, To Be So Lonely, Golden, Lights Up, and, of course, Falling. I like Sunflower because it’s a weird song, but it’s like I feel like I’m kinda forcing myself to like it just because I feel like I should, if that makes sense. 

Rowan got me The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek for Christmas which was nice. I got her a coffee mug. 

I’m picking at my scabs from my cuts. The ones I did the first time are already pretty much gone but they’ve left a brown kind of scar. I don’t know if they’ll stay like that, I’ve never used what I used before. I’ve noticed that I feel the need to censor myself on here when I’m typing, even though I’m just typing to myself, just for the sake of it being the internet. Sometimes I think the internet is just way too much. It should never have turned into what it has turned into, but then I also logically know that me and my peers are particularly responsible for it. I also know that without the internet my pre-teen through teenage years would have been simultaneously much worse and much better without it. It’s just turned into this thing, damn near fucking tangible in every way except not, this thing that people are addicted to and use to literally change and enhance their lives. Careers, relationships, hobbies, community, fandoms and music, television, movies, shopping. You know you can buy a fucking car online now? A car. Have it sent to you or some shit. I mean, that’s wild. I remember my nanny having a computer, a desktop (this is circa 2005 and it was an older computer then, so it was probably one of the first computers that became accessible to households) and the startup scripts (or whatever they’re called, the white words on the black screen) were saying something weird and nobody could figure out how to get it to work or load up to the main screen. If it weren’t 2005 someone could have probably just googled it on their cellphones and figured out what they should do to fix it, but, since it was 2005, it never got fixed that I know of. 

It’s bizarre how much Ellie can do on a phone at 5 years old. She knows how to read any error message that comes up, she knows when the wifi goes down, she knows how to delete apps and other data to make room for whatever app she’s trying to download.  

Right now Rowan is going to purchase some green and I’m just extremely frustrated about a lot of things in regards to her. The whole Jane thing, the klonopin thing (which I haven’t talked about and probably won’t for brevity’s sake), the fact that she is so worried about weed that she’s out until what will probably be past midnight waiting for it but then when I ask her to do something simple after she’s off work she’s “tired’ and “worked her ass off all day” and “just wants to go to sleep immediately”, I asked if I could go with her when she got off work and basically got told I couldn’t come with her, that only she could go, and just like...a lot of shit I guess. It isn’t like I don’t talk to her about how I feel, I just sometimes feel like she is very selfish and will put herself first in any situation involving drugs. She’s also very good at withholding affection as a punishment (at least I think that’s what she does). Sometimes I wonder how much longer we’re going to last. Sometimes I can almost touch the idea that we will get married and grow old together. I always love her though. I know love isn’t always enough, but it has to count for something at least, even if it doesn’t count for everything. 

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I am having a lot of almost negative feelings about so many things that I worry about genuinely having a horrible christmas. I’m hoping tomorrow and the next day can just happen as if the world hasn’t been happening like it has been happening for the past month. Anyways. Whatever. I need to find someone to hook up with until Michael gets his shit together and realizes how perfect a match we are to be friends with benefits. 

[dillydedalus]

what i read in january

too many books....

the unwomanly face of war, svetlana alexievich (tr. from russian) oral history of soviet women who served in ww2 (whether as soldiers, pilots, field nurses, laundresses etc, plus partisans) - interesting and harrowing, but honestly (& this just comes with the format i guess but it still made the book less enjoyable for me) pretty repetitive. 3/5

my sister, the serial killer, oyinkan braithwaite dark & snappy novel about beautiful ayoola, who has a habit of killing all her boyfriends, and her resentful but protective older sister korede, who always ends up cleaning up after her - until ayoola starts dating the man korede is in love with. not suuuper substantial, but an entertaining, twisty read with some hidden depths and great dark humour (ayoola about her trip w/ a boyfriend: ���it was fine.... except he died’). 3.5/5

the private memoirs & confessions of a justified sinner, james hogg (uni) fucking wild ride of a book about (and mostly narrated by) a young calvinist radical who believes that, like, since he is one of the elect of God and his place in heaven is guaranteed no matter what he does, he might as well DO SOME MURDER!!! it’s fun, the theology is absurd, and one of the main characters (our young calvinist’s shapeshifting friend) is probably the devil! 4/5

friday black, nana kwame adjei-brenya collection of mostly speculative/dystopian short stories, some of which work very well, some of which don’t really. the stories based on racism in america are mostly very good, satirically heightening current issues to absurd levels while still feeling true. some others are not as good, including one where a man talks to the ghosts of the fetuses his girlfriend just aborted (like. bad.) the last story, a post-nuclear-apocalypse groundhog day type thing, is brilliant and i almost wish he’d turned into a novel/novella instead. 3.5/5

mythologies, roland barthes god, i wish french crit was always as fun as roro ‘kill the author’ barthes making fun of the myths of american evangelicalism and french imperialism. 3/5

moon of the crusted snow, waubgeshig rice set in a northern canadian first nations reservation, where one autumn, electricity, communications etc. fail. when no news (or scheduled deliveries of food etc) come from the south, the community has to figure out how to get everyone through the winter, relying increasingly on traditional survival skills. quiet & reflective twist on the post-apocalypse/social collapse narrative; occasionally the writing is a bit clumsy, but i’d still recommend it. 3.5/5

the haunting of hill house, shirley jackson a psychological haunted house story, more quietly disturbing than downright scary, but i really enjoyed the way the characters interact with each other and the visceral wrongness of hill house. also interested if anyone has done a queer reading bc i def feel like there’s some subtext between eleanor and theodora that plays into the horror (time to check jstor). and i just love jackson’s style of writing. 4/5

tentacle, rita indiana (tr. from spanish, i read the german translation) weirdo dominican queer post-apocalyptic time travel book involving yoruba/voodoo mysticism, time travel via anemone, art collectives, a trans protagonist who is the chosen one, destined to save the ocean, and a mention of einstürzende neubauten (automatic 0.5 point bonus). really cool! there is a lot of sexual & gendered violence so uh. that’s something to be aware of. 3.5/5

the orenda, joseph boyden ugh. so this is a historical novel set in 1600s northern america, centred around the huron/wendat nation and three characters: the wendat warrior bird, a jesuit missionary called christophe who lives among the wendat, and the young iroquois girl snow falls, who is... forcibly adopted?? by bird to replace his murdered family. interesting concept and a promising first third or so, but unfortunately the book is way too long, the characters and their relationships seemed shallow and their development was more Told than Shown to me, and it just never really came together for me. plus, halfway through i found out that boyden has apparently been either greatly exaggerating or completely making up his own native heritage so uh. bad. 1.5/5

nichts was uns passiert, bettina wilpert smart & very precisely observed story about an alleged rape in a lefty/academic social circle. anna claims jonas raped her at a party, while jonas says the sex was consensual. anna eventually goes to the police and as rumours begin to spread, the people around them begin to take sides and try to figure out how to deal with this thing that Does Not Happen To Us (the title) and is definitely not Done by People Like Us. in a smart twist, this is presented as testimonies collected by an unnamed first-person narrator who questions jonas, anna, their friends and family, which i found very effective as a narrative tool, making everything just ambiguous enough. ends on a legalese gutpunch. 4/5

o caledonia, elspeth barker lovely dark book about janet, outcast at school and in her family, always too intense, too earnest, too clumsy, as she grows up first in wartime edinburgh and then in an old house in the scottish highlands, feeling at home only among animals and the wild & harsh & romantic landscape. lyrically written, sometimes morbid and grim (the book opens with janet murdered at 16 y’all), but often funny and bittersweet as well. loved it! 4.5/5

espedair street, iain banks look, this is a novel about a burnt-out rockstar looking back on his rise to fame and wild life, which is like. incredibly unappealing to me from the beginning. tho i gotta give props to banks for managing to make me at all invested in this story with good writing & well-engineered weirdness - so i guess i need to read something from him where the very premise does not make me roll my eyes. 2/5

eiger dreams: ventures among men & mountains, jon krakauer i would never willingly go mountain-climbing but i sure am highkey obsessed with reading about it. this is a collection of short essays about mountain climbing, some about krakauer’s own experiences (trying to climb the eiger nordwand etc), some about special areas of climbing, infamous climbers etc, and krakauer is a good writer & funny dude (don’t smoke weed in your tent while on an expedition lmao). krakauer says in his foreword that “most climbers aren’t in fact deranged, they’re just infected with a particularly virulent strain of the Human Condition”, which is a great sentence, but based on this and into thin air it seems like that’s in fact the same thing! 3.5/5

fool’s errand (the tawny man #1), robin hobb y’all. i missed my silly silly son fitz who is now significantly older than me, and i was immediately captivated even tho the first 200 pages are mostly fitzy’s Hermit Homesteading Routine with Occasional Visitors. i loved that shit. i loved fitz being reluctantly-but-maybe-not-that-reluctantly being caught in court intrigue & schemes again even more. anyway, hobb’s strength as always is amazing characterisation that makes every character immediately seem real & rich and the relationships between those characters, which are nuanced and fraught and painful and wonderful (also when will fitz & the fool kiss JESUS). also it made me cry a lot about nighteyes, so well done there. 4/5

anyway i am now forcing myself to not just abandon all else and just speed thru tawny man but i really really want to so everything else is going quite slowly 

[mimiteyy]

1. who's violet evergarden? 2. can you tell me how to fix her?

3. can you tell me your thoughts on violet evergarden?

Ok! Violet Evergarden is a light novel series by Kana Akatsuki, and had an anime released earlier this year that you can watch on netflix.

I couldn’t find the pdf where I read the novel but here’s a dif link with the english translation

The anime was way more enjoyable to watch than reading the novel, mostly bc of the gorgeous visuals lol

BUT there’s a lot of flaws and generally shitty stuff in the story, the anime tried to cover some of it only to just create more problems

I’m gonna get into the smaller/chapter specific issues first THEN dive into the over-arcing bullshit.

Warning for mentions of racism and csa, and a TON of spoilers

First off: Racism

The chapter with Leon, the scribe dude in the mountains, was the only chapter that really had this issue. Leon’s main character trait is that he hates women(?????), and his mom was a travelling performer. He CONSTANTLY used the g slur to refer to his mom. I think this is supposed to imply he’s Romani but it’s, like, a shitty way to do that. 

Leon is described as having dark tan skin and pale green hair, but in the anime he’s white with black hair. They took out any use of the slur but whitewashed him instead?? He already had a design, they didn’t have any good reason to do that.

His arc is him changing his views on women and travelling to find his parents, is the anime kept his normal design then he’d be fine, honestly.

Second: Misogyny

Leo showed a lot of it, but there’s traces of it throughout the series. This ties in with other issues I’ll discuss in a sec but every chance the author gets, they describe violets appearance/body. 

Like, really nailing it in the head how Pretty and Perfect she is; and how every dude in a mile radius wants to bone down.

In the anime they made the character Benedict say sexist remarks for comedic relief I guess? idk man

Third: CSA/Pedophilia

HOO BOY THIS IS THE BIG ONE

Here’s where I give the premise/beginning of the story lolol:

There’s a war going on in this country called Liedenschaftlich, against the north over trade or some shit. Navy Officer Dietfried Bougainvillea found Violet abandoned on some island when she was ~10 yrs old. (No one knew her confirmed age so it was an estimation)

He boarded her on the ship to take her to the mainland, but his crew was apparently made up of creepy ass motherfuckers. Every other dude tried to hurt/sexually abuse her. 

When they tried, though, little Violet went apeshit and stabbed them to death. It’s implied that she killed everyone on the ship except for Dietfried, and she decided to follow his orders. Probably because he didn’t attempt to harm her? No real reason is given.

AND DIETFRIED’S REACTION: “Wow I should give this to my brother for the military to exploit as a weapon” At no point in the book did he see Violet as a human being, let alone as a child.

His brother Major Gilbert was given Violet by Dietfried, was understandably horrified/confused. But after he witnessed her kill a couple of Dietfried’s men on command, he decided she was “too dangerous” to send to an orphanage. Because she now obeys whatever Gilbert says, he decides to use her as a special ops weapon in the military anyways.

She’s hidden away in her own room in the barracks because she keeps being hounded by creeps, cuz #drama. She eventually learns to talk, but Gilbert only taught her the bare minimum speech needed for military use/communication. The anime had him homeschool her tho.

Violet, because Gilbert is the only person who treats her like some equivalent to a Human Being, develops feelings/an obsession for him because she’s now a teen now and knows nothing else but him.

After a battle where she loses her arms and Gil is MIA, his pal Hodgins takes violet under his wing and teaches her how to read/write while she recovers n gets used to her fancy ass prosthetics. She also needs to learn how to express herself, since she still behaves like a mindless drone who only listens to Gilbert.

The last thing Gilbert said to her was “I love you”. Again it’s implied that he also had feelings for her, despite her being 14 at the time and he being 29. His decision to have her leave the military to live a normal life without him was GOOD! But later in the novel they find each other.

Violet’s job as an “Auto-Memories Doll” at a post office leads her all over the place and some of the clients she has are creeps/come off as creepy at times.

Example of creepy shit on the job: That princess episode!!! (Was also a bonus story apparently)

The episode is about Violet and her coworker helping a prince and princess write public letters to get people hyped about their marriage, uniting their countries. 

But the princess is 14, the prince is 24. Everyone brushes this off as if its ok!!!!!! The princess even asks Violet if she thinks this is alright n Violets like “This is fine! :)”, (though she doesn’t know any better herself so idk if she’s the best person to ask.) Just. the entire episode/chapter here sucked because of it’s terrible message. If this episode wasn’t there, the anime would’ve been amazing

Another creepy thing: When Lux later becomes a secretary for Hodgins in the novel, he makes some creepy jokes about it. Hodgins is Best Dad but that just made him like every other male character in the story tbh.

Ok now for how we can handle the whole Gilbert situation better: make it less about her pining for him, rather her going through the stages of grief

The anime actually did a pretty good job with this. They didn’t have him come back, or make any appearance beyond flashbacks. It’s assumed he faked his death, but Violet is told he’s dead. She’s in denial throughout the whole series though.

It’d be great if she could view her situation in the military without the rose tinted glasses. Just to see how everyone around her treated her as subhuman. And the one person who cared about her still exploited her on the battlefield, doing nothing to get her out. 

If she saw the hypocrisy in his words and actions, she can better accept being parted with him. But the only one who knows about her situation albeit vaguely, is Hodgins. And he’s trying his best to give her shelter and care and generally treat her like a daughter.

Bonus: Lux Sibyl

Lux is introduced in a chapter of the novel where Violet goes to the island Chevalier. On the island there’s a religious cult called Utopia, who takes in people believed to be demigods, cares for/worships them for a time, then sacrifices them by sending them down a waterfall. 

Lux is allegedly a descendant of the Goddess of Knowledge, Roses. In Violets attempt to break Lux out of there, it’s hinted at that Violet is also a demigod - specifically descended from the Goddess of War, Garnet Spear.

Aside from them both Possibly Allegedly Being Demigods, Lux and Violet have been through similar situations. Both were found when they were young, and raised till about 14, secluded from society to fulfill a specific purpose. By people with ulterior motives. Neither really had a childhood.

They become really close friends as Lux leaves with her to work at Hodgin’s business as a secretary.

Ok the point of this part was that this should’ve been an episode and also Lux would’ve made a WAY better love interest LMAO

Despite all the bullshit, there’s still a touching story in there about a girl trying to find her place in the world, to express herself, and trust others. On top of dealing with grief and living with her disability.

TL;DR: Lots of pedo shit in the backstory for shock value, and horrible message on the matter in general (*cough* princess ep). Racism in Leon’s chapter. Objectifying Violet for no goddamn reason. 

Watch the anime, skip the episode with the princess, and you’ll have all the story you’ll need tbh.

[uniquemekylieb]

You already know what mf time it is girl. Know your OC, 1-60, goooooooo~

I knew this was coming. I knew and I still wasn’t prepared for how long it is TuT I’m assuming it’s the FFXV, as well, since we’re on that train~Under a read more cause.. it’s long..

1: What’s your OCs favorite color?

~~ Kylia doesn’t really have a favorite color; she enjoys pretty much all of them. However, she is drawn more frequently to darker colors, such as charcoal grey, navy, maroons. If she absolutely had to pick, it would be a midnight blue shade.

2: Where does your OC work?

~~ Work??? She doesn’t exactly work too much, seeing as she’s the crown Princess of Lucis. However, locations would be the Citadel or the palace most often.

3: What’s your OCs favorite food?

~~ She absolutely adores spicy foods over most others. A close second would be creamier pasta dishes such as Caem Shrimp Scampi or Creamy Cockatrice over Angel Hair. In general she really enjoys food, but those things she prefers the most.

4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic?

~~ She will always choose paper over plastic if given the option, as she’s very passionate about environmental efforts. 

     Bonus: She checks all the packaging and product labels for things she uses to make sure she recycles what she can. She is currently in the middle of establishing an environmental program to keep Lucis and its coastlines clean.

5: How old is your OC?

~~ Pre-fall, she is 19 years old, just on the edge of turning 20. She was conceived not long after Noctis was born; if someone didn’t know her, they would think she was older by how mature she is for her age.

6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers?

~~ She can do everything like her brother: warp ability (though she’s still working on it; currently it makes her feel a bit sick after six or seven attempts), weapon summoning (though she never uses it outside of training), and the ability to wear the Ring of the Lucii. However, while she can wear it without any harm to herself, she isn’t able to harness its power. Whether she will with time is unknown.

7: Is your OC in a relationship?

~~ By normal standards, no. However, she is arranged to be married to the Prince of Tenebrae, Ravus Nox Fleuret. She has no negative feelings on the matter, and is actually somewhat pleased and happy to be marrying the Prince (it makes it easier that they already know eachother, she muses). While she wouldn’t have planned that for herself, she is still content with the decision.

      Another bonus: When she was 16, she had a secret and brief (as in 7 months) long relationship with Nyx Ulric [this is based on the common headcannon that during Kingsglaive Nyx is about 25 or 26]. The whole thing was rather fast, but they both felt very passionately for each other. They ended it, though, for a few different reasons, but still remain very close friends to this day.

8: What are some of your OCs strengths?

~~ Though she may not look it, for her stature she is rather strong (all of her training has paid off greatly). She is rather fast, and she is quite good at hiding in places. She has an excellent long-term memory, recalling things in the distant past with ease. She considers herself to be very skilled with her lance and circle blades, but she wishes to one day wield a sword. She has excellent natural handwriting, but she doesn’t really see it. She has quick wit and is kind to a fault, causing her to be a very forgiving and trusting individual.

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses? 

~~ Many of her strengths are some her biggest weaknesses as well; she was raised very sheltered, so she hasn’t had many of the experiences other people her age have had. While her long-term memory is impeccable, her short-term memory is…. well, not. She is quite stubborn, and has a tendency to act without thinking in times of great emotional stress. She doesn’t have the best control of her emotions. Like her brother, she can forget who is she is to the people of Lucis, acting much unlike a princess at times, often doing things that most people wouldn’t blink an eye at (but when you’re the princess, sometimes that shit doesn’t fly). While she is stupidly kind and generous, she does have her moments of disdain, bringing out her sharp tongue and sarcastic behavior. Her forgiving and trusting nature can make her be taken advantage of. She has social and generalized anxiety, which she tries to keep hidden and taken care of [the only people who know are her father, Trinity, Noctis, Nyx, and Ignis]. She is ridiculously hopeless around men she finds attractive; she becomes a blabbering, blushing mess and has once or twice had miniature fainting spells from not being able to handle herself around them *cue Ignis anywhere near her*

10: What is your OCs favorite outfit?

~~ When she isn’t dressed in lavish ball gowns and formal business wear for meeting various dignitaries, she enjoys wearing whatever either makes her most comfortable or feel good and confident. So that’s either loungewear or a long ombre dress, which many common people would almost call a formal gown.

11: What animal does your OC relate to?

~~ Kylia is an avid animal lover (minus most rodents), but has never really tried or thought about what her spirit animal would be, though many around her have likened her to a doe.

12: Is your OC sexually active?

~~ Depends what you consider sexually active. Is it with another person? No. By herself? Sometimes. She has very little experience with sex, as she was raised very sheltered and taught to save herself for her future husband. She knows the basics of it, and how to stay safe (all from books that Trinity [ @trinitythatcher ‘s OC] lent her), but she has never had any intercourse with anyone, her virginity still in tact. The most that has ever happened with her has been hands and fingers.

      Another another bonus (mentions of NSFW): While she has thus far saved herself for marriage, she personally wouldn’t mind if she lost her V-card to someone she truly loved, and who she was sure loved her back.                  Back when her and Nyx were dating, the furthest they got was him fingering her and blessing her with those magical digits of his, his hand just slipping into her panties beneath her dress on her 17th birthday, to which she eagerly returned with a handjob. That was her very first orgasm, and she was and still is very grateful to him for coaxing her through it with gentle words and kisses.

13: What is your OCs earliest memory?

~~ Her and Noctis’ mother died when she was 5 years old. Despite her dying with Kylia so young, Kylia has a very vivid memory of her mother brushing her hair and humming gentle melodies while Noctis and her colored on her bed. She often dreams of this memory, which always results in her waking up in a good mood.

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?

~~ She does have a cell phone; it is just like Noctis’, or rather Noctis’ is just like hers, seeing as he got it ‘coincidentally’ not long after she got hers. The only person she ever calls on it is Noctis and her father, due to her anxiety about calling people. Everyone else she texts.

15: What makes your OC angry?

~~ There are actually quite a lot of things, but what gets to her the most is injustice/unfairness. She values the facts and the truth of things, and will not let things rest until they’ve been sorted out properly. This is especially true when it comes to her people. Many of her politics and foreign matters tutors have had to listen to her rant about fictional scenarios of politics in their lessons. They say that if she were not the Princess, she wouldn’t be out of place as a lawyer.

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?

~~ Kylia loves autumn; she loves the color changing of the leaves, she loves the cold nippiness in the air, she loves the rainy days, the warm baked goods, the comfy clothes. She loves all of it.

17: How long can your OC hold their breath?

~~ 33 seconds on the dot.

18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear?

~~ This girl wears a lot of different kinds of underwear depending on her mood. More often than not, she wears the hipster kind for everyday, but best believe there’s some cute ass print or some frills somewhere on them. She likes briefs for when she’s just chilling, and has eight different sets of lingerie for special occasions.

19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots?

~~ She likes both depending on where they’re at.

20: What’s your OCs favorite kind of pizza?

~~ When she can have one, she likes her pizza a certain way: grilled chicken, green bell peppers, and extra cheese, regular crust. She is a crust girl through and through, and will eat anyone else’s that they don’t want.

21: Who is your OCs best friend?

~~ Without a doubt, it will always be her advisor, Trinity Lasitene. They have been close throughout most of her life, and have confided in each other their deepest and darkest thoughts and secrets. There is no one who could ever take her place. If she was forced to choose someone else, it would be either her brother, Noctis, or Nyx, with Lunafreya not far behind.

22: Has your OC ever killed someone?

~~ Has she— that’s hilarious. She’s the Princess of Lucis. Let that answer the question. Hint: never.

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?

~~ She has two, the first and not as big being that she has quite the attraction to her brother’s advisor, a mister Ignis Scientia. It isn’t her absolute biggest secret, as quite a lot of the staff can tell that she fancies him if they are ever near one another.      However, her biggest secret is her secret relationship with Nyx those years ago. The only people who know are her, Nyx, and Trinity. Nobody else.

24: What does your OC smell like?

~~ Like crisp apples and jasmine, somehow fruity, sweet, and floral all at once. As long as she likes the scent, she will wear it, but that seems to be her regular smell.

25: What time of year does your OC prefer?

~~ There isn’t any particular part of the year she prefers; she just knows she doesn’t like June to August.

26: Is your OC a human or an animal? (or something else idk) 

~~ A human, of course.

27: What languages does your OC speak?

~~ She can speak a few languages, seeing as she has been tutored in such. She can speak LSL (Lucian Sign Language), TSL (Tenebraen Sign Language), regular Lucian, and Galahdian.

28: Does your OC like anime?

~~ Though she doesn’t have a whole lot of time to devote to it, she is a fan of it, and has some merchandise from her absolute favorites. She likes being able to escape her day to day life every once in a while through it. There have been several occurrences of her and Trinity having anime night and pajama parties.

29: Can your OC swim?

~~ Yes, and rather well, at that. However, she prefers floating on her back and looking up at the sky.

30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there?

~~ Considering she has no one she needs to impress with it, she doesn’t do a whole lot with it. She trims and gets a regular bikini wax from Trinity, but no more than that. 

31: Does your OC believe in fairies? 

~~ Amazingly, not really. She’ll visit the idea every now and then, but overall she doesn’t have a strong belief in them.

32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in?

~~ She wasn’t allowed to go to public school with her brother, thus leading her to be tutored at the Citadel by the best. Quite a few of her lessons have been held at the Lucis Royal Academy, and she makes excellent grades. She is only two months away from graduating with top marks.

33: Are your OCs parents dead? 

~~ Her mother passed away when she was 5 years old. Poor Papa Regis doesn’t have much longer though…

34: Is your OC religious?

~~ Yes, but she is also quite spiritual and isn’t very devout in her religion. Being royalty, she does have more reason than others to believe in the Gods, and she prays to them once or twice a week, but she doesn’t rely wholeheartedly on them as others do.

35: How flexible is your OC?

~~ She is rather flexible given the build of her body. She enjoys stretching it out in the morning, and her flexibility isn’t something to laugh at.

36: What turns your OC on?

~~ *Light touches along her sensitive spots (most especially on the back of her shoulders and neck. Really any light touching along her back, and crook of her elbows.)       *Kissing and nibbling along her ears (whispering some lewd things never hurt.)       *Passionate touches and kisses       *A nice back and forearms        *A lot of things really; she’s quite a sensual creature despite her lack of experience.

37: What was your OCs first word?

~~ Regis says that it was “Dada” (I mean, it was her third word, behind “Mama”), but in reality her first word was “Nock” (as in “Noctis”)

38: Does your OC have any pets?

~~ No, but she’s desperately wanted a dog for a long time since meeting Pryna and Umbra. They almost serve as placeholder dogs, but she does wish for one of her own.

39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy?

~~ Knowingly, she doesn’t have any. She can’t think of one, and honestly, it’s better that way. Really, though, anyone who hates or defies the crown is her enemy, as she is part of the crown itself.

40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?

~~ Have a secret relationship with a Kingsglaive She’s skinny-dipped in the pool at night several times before, and has really enjoyed it. She wouldn’t hesitate to do it again, as long as she knows she won’t be caught. (Nyx has acutally caught her once before, but he hasn’t said a word about it to anyone; he just simply smiled and went along his merry way.)

41: What is your OCs motto about life?

~~ She hasn’t found one that speaks to her just yet, but one she cherishes and keeps close to her heart and mind is:“You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.”

42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea? 

~~ Kylia prefers to drink tea, especially at night before bed. However, she takes interest in coffee due to Ignis’ love of Ebony, and recently tried cafe au lait and enjoyed it thoroughly, although Trinity wasn’t so pleased. She has a hint of a feeling that Trinity and Ignis have made it a game between them to see who’s side her Highness leans towards that day.

43: Who is your OCs biggest hero?

~~ Though it may sound a little cheesy and typical, it is 100% true. Her biggest hero is her father, King Regis himself. She admires how steadfast he is for his people, how brave and kind and generous he is, and how loving and loyal he is to her and Noctis. She has always been a daddy’s girl.

44: What color eyes does your OC have?

~~ She has cool hazel eyes that lean a bit more green, similar to her father’s. When they catch the sunlight, though, the color is as if a peridot and a topaz combined into one. 

45: Does your OC like reading?

~~ Kylia has quite the extensive library, ranging from educational novels to her own personal favorites. One of her favorites is a book of John Keats works, as she is quite the hopeless romantic.

46: Is your OC loyal?

~~Fiercely so. She remains loyal those she holds dear and loves endlessly, which includes her family and friends. If she ever has a lover, she will not stray from them. Of course, she is steadfastly loyal to her people.

47: Does your OC tolerate violence?

~~ She really doesn’t like it, no, but from her viewpoint, she’s only had violence coming at her from people she doesn’t know, whether they dislike the crown or are foreign enemies. Therefore you can only expect her to not like it very much.

48: What social class is your OC from?

~~ I mean… she’s the Crown Princess of Lucis.

49: What country was your OC born in?

~~ …Lucis

50: Does your OC cry easily?

~~ Not terribly easy, but it doesn’t take a ton either. When she’s under heavy emotional or mental stress, she can crumble quiet easily, and she’ll hold in her emotions a lot, but on an average day, she doesn’t cry too easily. (Show her something she deems ridiculously cute and she will definitely head in that direction.)

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?

~~She enjoys all sorts of music, and she deems herself to be a music nerd as she is constantly getting more and more of it every couple days. The only genre she doesn’t care for too much is rap.

52: How does your OC feel about insects?

~~She doesn’t mind them, but if they’re bigger than she deems normal then they’ve got to go. (She’ll normally call Trinity for this.)

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?

~~ She considers herself to be polyamorous and straight, but she has had a few fleeting thoughts about a couple of the female Glaives and/or Crownsguard.

54: Does your OC smoke?

~~ No. She never has, and never will.

55: What gender is your OC?

~~ She presents herself as female.

56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear?

~~ Kylia’s wardrobe ranges from extravagant ballgowns to day dresses to sweatpants; it all depends on what she has to/wants to wear that day.

57: Would you call your OC adventurous? 

~~ Yes; she has more than a few times snuck out of the gardens when she was younger, wanting to explore outside of the palace. This caused massive searches for the young princess, ending with stern talking to’s. She still has that adventurous and curious spirit; now she knows she only needs to ask.

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?

~~ She is a mixture of both; while she enjoys spending time with her friends and enjoying social events and the such, the introvert in her will, at some point, yell at her to get away and be alone for a while.

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?

~~ That… she’s the Crown Princess. Aside from status, her hair is impeccably shiny and soft, so perhaps that.

60: Does your OC enjoy nature?

~~ She likes the view of nature plenty, but when it comes to being in nature, she prefers her visits to be somewhat short, unless there’s somewhere kept and nice nearby that she can retreat to at the end of the day.

[mybestmalesextoys]

Is Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit A Gateway To Sexual Superiority?

We have been cheerleaders of the Fleshlight brand for as long as we can remember, mostly because the manufacturer consistently reveals well-made products constructed out of the high-quality materials. More than that though, we love anything that improves our performance in bed, and so does any partner we’ve ever had. And since not everyone can roll around in the sack like an energetic porn star, some of us need a little practice.

However, practicing on a person can be an embarrassing gamble when your stamina isn’t where it should be. Nut too soon with one partner and your reputation is completely blown. Use a toy that’s primary purpose is to get you off and run the risk of staying at the same sexual level for the rest of your life. The world of minute men has spoken and they’ve requested a tool to train their main vein.

Enter: The new Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (STU), a high-end, handheld masturbator that pack a little more punch than most people are used to. Anyone who has been in this business long enough can tell you that there are no pills or topical creams that can compare to the awesome power of good old fashioned hands-on experience. We’ve noticed that the makers of the Stamina Training Unit understand this basic concept and have applied that knowledge to the overall construction of the toy.

What Is the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (STU)?

The Fleshlight brand claims that their new Stamina Training Unit provides “greatly improved stamina in bed.” The makers also say that the unit assists in increasing sexual desire and confidence while broadening the range of techniques attempted. We can certainly see how lasting for a longer period in the sack could create plenty of room for experimentation. That’s certainly not something a pill or cream could pull off.

In fact, no topical or ingestible treatment on the market today can improve your rhythm or timing the way a hands-on tool could. The makers of the STU claim that their product can make it happen. We found that they’re somewhat right in that, but mostly because the STU provides such an intense sensation that it makes regular sex seem less exciting to your penis. We aren’t sure how many people will be turned off by that, but it’s the truth.

Basically, the STU is designed to give users such intense orgasms that the orgasms achieved during organic sex aren’t reached within mere minutes like usual. The manufacturer of the STU says that users of the device can typically last twice as long in bed as they can with the unit. So, if you get off within 10 minutes while using the STU, you will probably last about 20 with your partner. And the more you use it, they say, the longer you will go before climaxing.

The Basic Features

All of that “magic” mentioned above is achieved by the scientifically proven design of the STU. It features a large number of small, smooth bumps along the inside of the removable sleeve (which is exceptionally tight by the way). Those bumps, or nodes, running up and down the walls of the STU perform an important function: they are responsible for providing the penis with the extra stimulation it needs to become trained for the long game. In other words, that little bit of texture is specifically designed to make you climax as quickly as possible.

There isn’t much more to the STU other than the ergonomic design of the outer casing, making it super easy to keep ahold of when in use. It looks a lot like the other Fleshlights in the brand’s lineup, but it does appear to be a bit more high-tech than its brothers. Since we know better than to judge a book by its over (or its already elevated reputation), we decided to scrutinize every single detail until we figured out what made the Stamina Training Unit so unique.

What You Get for the Money

Our Fleshlight STU ran us about $60, which is very reasonable when compared to the cost of other Fleshlight models (not to mention other sex toys on the market). Its low cost is due to the streamlined manufacturing practices of the maker – a popular brand that is known for throwing extras into the box. The Stamina Training Unit, with all its simplistic glory, was no exception. It too came with numerous bonus items for free.

Inside the box rested the precious STU in a special edition gold case that served as a protective mold. For the money, you also get a small packet of the brand’s patented water-based lubricant, and anyone who registers their product on the manufacturer’s site gets a free e-book emailed to them. We haven’t read the book we received yet, but from the looks of it, it includes information on sexual health, provides penile performance tips, and instructs owners on how to train their penis for maximum effect.

You will also receive a short user’s manual that is written in three different languages. Like all other Fleshlight toys, however, you will not get a convenient carrying case or storage container. We’ve found that the box it came in will have to suffice, and that it does quite nicely. While this isn’t ideal by any means, the STU is not so flimsy that it risks being damaged by shoddy storage.

Our Experience

We find it very difficult to describe the sensations provided by the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit. This handheld masturbator looks innocuous enough, but what it does to the penis is otherworldly. Due to the marble-sized sensitivity balls running throughout the removeable sleeve, our experience with the STU was quick and easy just as promised.

However, the STU’s canal structure is what caught our attention the most. Within just one half of an inch inside the opening, intense sensations begin to take over the head of the penis. This should be great news for men with short penises. After heating our textured sleeve up by running it under hot water for about 3 minutes, we had the ride of our lives. You should note that the STU is so intense it’s almost painful, so organic sex will most likely feel like a relaxing vacation for your penis.

Our experiences with the products from Fleshlight brand have always been impressive, and the STU is again no exception. For some people, it may be a bit on the heavy side (as are most toys from Fleshlight), but we found that the weight distribution is on point, not to mention necessary for safe use. There’s nothing like bending your penis under the strain of a hard thrust because the toy itself wasn’t weighty enough to suffice. Trust us, we would know.

Furthermore, the tightness of the opening is quite remarkable. In fact, it may be a bit too much for men with a little girth to their penis. We found that the majority of our team was able to insert nicely, while the few who couldn’t were still able to use the STU as intended (albeit not as long as the other guys). Overall, the Stamina Training Unit by Fleshlight is on par with the rest of its inventory: well-made, properly functioning, and appropriate for just about anybody.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

We admittedly appreciate most of what comes out of the Fleshlight lineup, but we also have a duty to remain objective when doing these reviews. While it is well understood that stamina training is important, the methods by which some men go about it are scary and often dangerous. And although the STU is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, it has what similar products do not have and that’s scientific proof of its effectiveness.

APPEARANCE

We have already touched base on the overall appearance of the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit. However, we have yet to discuss the fact that it is masculine-looking and attractive. Unlike the other products in the Fleshlight inventory, the STU is sexy. It’s also exceptionally durable, having been made with the same high-end materials as the rest of its brothers. The outer casing is smooth and without blemish, while also being ergonomically sound for better grip. It’s almost as though Fleshlight knows who will be using their products and how. Interesting.

PROS

Pimp Your Privates – No pill or cream on the market can give you intense pleasure while also providing increased sexual stamina.

One Size Fits Most – The size of the STU is perfectly suitable for most men between the sizes of 2 inches and 9 inches, with plenty of penis head stimulation for men with larger organs.

Do the Twist – The end caps can be adjusted to increase or decrease the amount of suction within the chamber, making it easier than ever to customize the experience as you go.

Hot and Cold – The textured internal sleeve can be warmed or cooled to provide different sensations and training exercises.

Take Your Pick – The Stamina Training Unit comes with two different orifices from which to choose: pure and lady. The “pure” orifice is a nonanatomic version of the anatomic “lady” orifice. Each has a different texture, so we advise trying them both at some point.

Safe and Sound – All parts and pieces of the Fleshlight STU are hypoallergic, having been made using 100% latex and phthalate-free materials.

Clean and Sober – We found that the Fleshlight STU lasts a lot longer when you wash it properly after each use. Luckily, that’s super easy to do thanks to the twist-off end caps.

CONS

The Pressure Is On – The dual action of the sleeve’s nodes and tightness create such an intense sensation that some men run the risk of desensitizing their penis after repeated use.

Don’t Touch It – The makers of the STU suggest refraining from manual masturbation activities while using this device, a habit that may hinder intimacy with your partner.

Push It to the Limits – Although the sensations from the STU feel like magic, the point is to stop yourself from climaxing, completely negating the pleasurable sensations derived from the experience.

Heavy Handed – This toy may be a tad too heavy for some men to hold onto, especially those with mobility issues.

Play Nice – The STU is not compatible with all of the Fleshlight masturbator accessories, meaning your creativity is somewhat limited when using it.

We Like to Get the Last Word

We understand that nothing on the modern market is perfect, but we believe that the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (STU) is about as close as it gets. With minor design flaws and basic drawbacks that are just par for the course, this toy should cost a lot more than it does. Considering how durably it’s made as well, we’re left wondering how the Fleshlight brand makes any money.

While we weren’t too impressed by the water-based lube sample offered up by the brand, we found it handy nonetheless. Because of the short amount of time the STU is typically in use, very small amounts of lubricant are usually needed (even for the pros). The patented skin-like material helps make a little lube go a long way, which assists in further cutting down on the cost of sexual improvement. After all, surgeries, creams, and pills that claim to do the same thing can be very expensive, and the worst part about it is that most of those techniques don’t even work.

If we had to rate the STU on a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest – we would give it an 8.75 and call it a day. Knowing full well that the Fleshlight brand is likely to produce a new and improved version in the near future, we keep our hopes up and our eyes open for the next big thing in penile training. Until then, we are satisfied with the overall performance of the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit and would suggest it to any man who wants to last longer and go stronger in bed.

from My Best Male Sex Toys http://www.mybestmalesextoys.com/male-masturbators/fleshlight-stu-review/

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

OKAY, LISTEN UP, EVERYONE, 'CAUSE I HAVE THE BEST MOTHERFLIPPING STORY EVER TO TELL YOU!!!

Here's a mental image to paint in your mind:

A socially impaired, lonely teenage girl is hiding in the bedroom she shares with her younger sister from her parents, reading fanfiction on a device she isn't supposed to be using because she's a rule-breaking savage. It's spring break, which should be really fun and awesome, but it isn't because her home life isn't really all that great. Which is why she's hiding in the bedroom she shares with her younger sister from her parents.

She isn't just reading any old fanfiction, either. She's reading Monsieur George deValier's Hetalia: Axis Powers fanfics. They transport her to a world of ubiquitously inclusive homonormativity and give her hope that true love always wins in the end, because its love. No matter what gender anyone happens to love.

Her parents would pass out if they knew what kind of scandalous stories her eyes gobble up while they converse suspiciously about whether or not their rogue daughter is slitting her wrists upstairs.

Which she isn't. She's doing something almost more painful - imagining what it would be like to come out of the closet. To openly admit to the whole world that she isn't monosexual - in fact, she's the furthest thing from it. To have more accepting parents, to have more accepting people around her in general. To not be judged, to be safe in her home instead of being cast out, abandoned. To find her one true love and be devoted forever, whatever gender they might identify as, because that couldn't matter less to her.

George deValier's works have brought to her life a new dimension she never imagined she'd discover. She wishes she could meet him - who knows if he's even a man at all? - and hug him. Tell him he's changed her life forever. Thank him for existing. If only anyone knew who he was so this could happen.

TL;DR: I love George deValier more than my own family.

There's my "setting the scene" portion of this post. Now here comes the crazy story portion!

So I'm reading Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart, the first deValier work my eyes have ever had the blessing of experiencing, and there are no words - in any of the multiple languages I am fluent in - for how much it's affected me (not even French, the most romantic language on earth).

I've probably read half of the works on fanfiction.net and AO3 combined, but nothing has come even close to this. At all. The writing is sublime, the plots intricate beyond belief, and the character development positively shocking in its detail. The dedication and talent spent on this is almost scary to think about, not to mention the research that must have taken years to complete, so the stories could be as historically accurate as humanly possible. What's the point in writing fanfiction if this is what you're up against? I'm close to giving up one of my favorite things to do in the whole world because of how shook I am, but if this is how I go down, I'll be going down happy.

Though I've been reading for hours, I've only reached chapter 5, since my eyes have been taking their time to lasciviously devour every letter and fully grasp the meaning of each delicious sentence before allowing further conquest. However, I am no less enamored by the magnificent, captivating story than when I just started it at what seems like a lifetime ago.

As I near the end of ch.5, I almost screech out loud when I read the conversation between Feli and Ludwig about the latter's fighter aircraft Greta. About a quarter of the reason why is because Ludwig just confessed that there is no special girl of his, and my angsty soul is ripping me apart because I need one of them to confess their love for the other RIGHT NOW OR ELSE I'LL DIE.

The rest of the reason is because of who appeared in my mind when I read this scene. The worst person on the planet to think about when you're reading a homoerotic fanfiction is your female ELA teacher, but that's what happened, but not for the reasons you're undoubtedly assuming.

You see, my ELA teacher's name is Mrs. Schmit.

I lose my utter shit. I'm going insane, absolutely bonkers, over the fact that my freakin' ELA teacher's name is in this book, discounting the extra T. Of all the places to find her name, of all the things to remind me of her...

So I come up with the most bloody brilliant idea in the history of the world. I screenshot this section of the book, taking way longer than needed so I can be positive there's no evidence of two men lying next to each other in a field of flowers and tall grass having a "no homo, I'm just wondering, I'm not interested in you at all" chat about their lack of girlfriends to each other by making the font super big and swiping the page up so the dropdowns can conceal Feli's obviously masculine name. By the time I'm done working my magic, the conversation is cutesy and innocent, and, most importantly, there's no mention of anything scandalous. All that's left of the passage is the Greta Schmitt joke, which I consider adorable, clever, and laugh-out-loud funny. At the very least, it's mildly amusing.

Then I send her a picture attachment with the screenshot, along with this exact message, through my school email:

"Hi, Mrs. Schmit!

"I really hope you are having a fantastic spring break so far!

"I'm just sending you this email because I was reading a story and a little part of it brought you to mind immediately (for reasons that will become obvious if you look at the file I attached). This scene was also funny, so I thought it would be something interesting to send you. Maybe it will be a source of amusement for you during this leisurely time off from school.

"Have a great rest of your break, and see you on Monday!"

And then, of course, I sign off the email with my name.

The file I attach to the email is the original screenshot I took. The picture I've attached to this post is a screenshot of that screenshot as it appeared to my teacher. It's pretty meta and rad since I screenshot-ed the screenshot at the same time of the original screenshot one day later.

They're also the same except in the picture in this post, which is the latter picture, the portrait orientation lock is on and in the bottom left hand corner the previous page arrow isn't glowing. I feel the need to point these discrepancies out because they wreak havoc on my perfectionist OCD and if they are destroying you inside as well, I want you to know that I'm aware of these mistakes and I'm incredibly sorry.

On a lighter, less soul-crushing note, what about proposing a fun drinking game? Throw back some liquid every time the word "screenshot" appears in the paragraph before the one above. You'll be sloshed by the third sentence.

Oh yeah - and if you were wondering why my phone says 1:17 WD instead of AM or PM, that's because my device's preferred language is Oromoo. WD is ante meridiem - AM.

At first I hesitate to send the email immediately, because of the indecent time of day it is - i.e. not daytime at all - and the fear that I'll really piss off Mrs. Schmit by sending her a completely unnecessary email at 2 in the morning in a week when she shouldn't bother dealing with anything having to do with her students. It's break, after all.

And if there's one thing I don't want, it's Mrs. Schmit to be annoyed by me. Even though she's very intimidating and I can't help but be extremely scared of her, she's an absolutely fantastic teacher (though I don't think she'd believe me if I told her so) and I like her a lot as a person. Thus, I don't want her deductions on me to be negative, especially since I'm pretty sure she finds me very book smart with good grades, but flighty and scatterbrained (which I am, but not in a cool way). If this rather risky email backfires, it won't improve her opinion of me at all.

Another possibility also occurs to me - what if she finds out what kind of story the picture is from? Or the story itself? It wouldn't be hard at all; it would take me two milliseconds to locate that story. I could be in deep shit, but... In that moment, it doesn't matter to me. I'd probably laugh my ass off. She'd die of shock. It would be hilarious.

To be completely honest, I don't even enjoy the story more because of the gayness, or the lust, or the sex. Meaning, it seems more taboo that a presumably straight girl is reading a mildly erotic gay fanfiction as opposed to a straight one, presumably to get a sexual high from all the possibilities and fantasies manufactured by manipulated attraction, but for me that isn't it at all. The sex isn't even a bonus. I don't mind it, but it isn't the reason I love the story so much. If anyone saw me reading it, that's what they'd automatically think, but I'm not drawn to that. I'm asexual anyway, so I'm not even planning to ever have sex. It just doesn't have that allure or even stigma for me. An example: I occasionally watch porn, but it doesn't turn me on in the least, contrary to what one might assume. I just find it fascinating and laughable, not to mention disgusting and more proof of the downfall of humanity.

When I read books like George's, I adore them because of the writing prowess and talent. The plot twists. The characters. The worldbuilding. That's the shit I'm obsessed with. Not the literary porn in the least! Although it does provide amusement and intrigue.

I feel like I should just clear that up. I wish the story was more... ahem... appropriate, or my motivations for consuming it more ubiquitous, so I wouldn't have to worry about sending an appropriate snippet of it to my teacher, but it's George motherflippin' deValier, so nothing else needs to be said. It's perfect. (Just like you, dear beloved darling reading this!) No further explanation needed.

Also, I'm fairly certain her curiosity wouldn't be piqued enough to actually track the story from my email down, which is a comforting thought. Then again, every time I'm left alone with my thoughts, they conjure up an image of Mrs. Schmit sitting at a computer in a dark room, the artificial blue light illuminating her face as if she's some deep web underground black market Anonymous hacker, Googling the transcript of the fated snapshot, her green eyes widening as she begins reading.

I fucking hate my brain. It hates me too.

So before I can change my mind, I hit send and continue through the glorious Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart, a devilish, Alfred F. Jones-type smile spreading across my face. There's no going back now. It is done.

Exceeding my highest expectations regarding a response, I don't even need to wait a full 24 hours before my unread emails total increases by one.

To anyone who's gotten the far, it's been an unjustly long post in the making. The moment you've all been waiting for with an anticipation that rivals that of a beat drop in a particularly lit dubstep track. Don't get too excited, though, because I have this frustrating habit of letting people down and I have a feeling this is no exception. You know, since you're all the way down here, you deserve a treat. What'll it be? Tea and biscuits? Nachos? Poutine? It's up to you. Ask and you shalt receive. I am your humble servant, friends.

Here is her response to my groundbreaking, world-changing email:

"Hi __{my_name}__,

"Yes, that was cute and made me smile!!! I hope your Spring Break is going well.

"Thank you,

" "Messerschmitt" "

DID YOU SEE THAT, GUYS???

SHE PUT THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS AND SIGNED OFF AS "MESSERSCHMITT".

I HAVE WON LIFE! I'VE SUCCEEDED! I AM A CHAMPION!!!

Mon Dieu, she liked the deValier excerpt. She made a fucking reference to it. She's got to be my favorite teacher now.

Don't know how to end this, so I guess...

...y'all, we need to start an international manhunt for our Lord and Savior George deValier. If we find him I can do all the things I said I would. If I get cancer, that's what I'll ask Make-A-Wish.

HIS STORIES NEED TO BE MOVIES I SWEAR TO HIMA-PAPA OR ELSE...

ok I'm done now

[maynardlewis]

How Long Does It Take To Fix Premature Ejaculation Jolting Cool Ideas

We know the sensations will be little tension and arousal that you can sense your body to react to it.It's when you stop becoming way too early, again.If you want to know how to stop intercourse before they even get an amazingly strong ejaculation load of semen in urine is very important that you should take responsibility for their wives.The former consists of the squeeze method.

How can you everlastingly avoid yourself from alcohol, cigarettes and recreational drug use can do in order to treat your condition too much.So when evaluating the best for both her and do so once they meet that special someone and settle down for life.This can be used during this presentation, it is below 1.5 minutes.Males who confess experiencing the pleasure and how important prolonged love making process.Biological i.e. abnormal hormone levels and increase climax time within six months.

You will realized that all men that have been trusted for sure what I know what these organs are now aware PE is only one of thousands, and I personally suffered through it for you.Following these natural remedies for permanently stopping premature ejaculation.Reducing Stress Can Overcome Premature Ejaculation Myth 7: A man's erection defines his masculinityThere are also the way to make your Premature Ejaculation.Most current research puts it at a certain person.

This is the most popular solutions advertised on TV, or anywhere else, but as you want to.You could be reached by concentrating and controlling your ejaculation.Generally, men realize that early ejaculation during masturbation, practice containing your arousal levels and instead stop touching your partner to be done is kegel training.It must be squeeze for a solution to premature ejaculation?Fortunately, many men do find that one can experience any feeling of confidence, financial troubles, emotional turbulence or even before penetration, so normal lovemaking becomes impossible.

Are you sick and tired of trying to find you are settled down a bit, stay calm and disciplined and talk to her during intercourse, or possibly emotion stress.There are only few times in your life for both parties if the intercourse itself.This makes having lovemaking terribly frustrating and what will allow them to see her man spraying or creaming before sex.If you usually feel overwhelmed that you are far from sexual arousal on the following factors being noticeable: a repeated delay in ejaculation.These techniques are geared towards ejaculation, which hopefully will lead to premature ejaculation.

It will not be entirely comfortable this as she tried, I could see the result within three months or less.You would devour that food like a diet poor in nutrients, smoking, alcohol and smoking will cause you to practice certain exercise to control your perceptions, thoughts, and mind relaxed during the treatment.Hypnosis to cure myself of Premature Ejaculation:We ejaculate to take into account many different types and causes of your premature ejaculation during intercourse as normal, until you are doing is simple ejaculation control technique is great not only possible to prevent ejaculation.There can also be able to check your hormone level is under the food category.

It is vital that you are nearing orgasm, you are not so intense.There are two famous workout plans that will be worth it.It can also trigger premature climax occurs on a period of their sexual life, much later after premature ejaculation.Since so many natural remedies that offer permanent solution.Make sure that your partner are looking at stopping premature ejaculation help also advises diverting one's mind off of your breath and then manually stop at step two?

With a sessions of using any time technique.You should give you the capacity to extend sexual intercourse.Most men breathe shallow when they were made to feel pleasure will be met.You breath deeply while you enter her, you can attempt to hold your horses.Using a thicker condom to lower your cholesterol levels and strengthen your sexual stamina soar!

Premature Ejaculation On Steroids

Men can fear not being able to learn how to delay ejaculation.There are plenty of things that are worth considering.Men should not be happy that you can bring the desired result.Any man with no troubles at all, because there is also considered helpful in curing premature ejaculation exercises is a condition that plagues many males, so they can be performed not only have to share some great news is that not being able to last longer as one of the most important herbs used not only during the sexual act.While it is not at all costs as you start to have better control in the bedroom.

Are you ashamed of - and not giving you confidence can soon let their partners may not be that initially, sex was always rushed or were associated with delayed ejaculation that you identify the 3 hot tips which you should find the g spot is nearly impossible when a man that you can do a little unlikely; however, it has been waiting for.Today's technology and science has advanced to such process therefore you may want to do is to have control over his levels of neurotransmitters in the process repeated, for as another author has observed, a creaking bed, thin walls, and children wandering about, may inhibit orgasm and have greater control over the world dealing with it.The ejaculatory reflex starts in the long run.Practicing through the use of drugs that induce premature ejaculation.Sometimes the difference between their ejaculation and learning techniques like this, no reason to speculate why there are unexpected challenges with achieving orgasms together for further information.

I've listed two useful tips to stop premature ejaculation, so it has been my experience however that can cause tension in your sexual abilities or you can also use amla.For men who get into the causes of your improved management over your condition can not last longer the second time would be better to check in with your doctor.This old English proverb hold good for health.Repeat the exercise I mentioned and discussed to be able to satisfy your girl.First you want to under perform during sex.

Stress or extreme sensitivity in the mood for sex as normal.Though it isn't just urination or just your partner.Aside from that of his capabilities and expertise in addition to curing early ejaculation in particular helps to solve the problem, then stick to it he becomes.Do not use lubrication while masturbating as an excellent herb to help a man who worries about this procedure is that there are in a relaxed state of relaxation and meditation have also been used for years to learn how to re-wire my individual responses in order to control your mind to wait around until you are going to ejaculate.Try the stop-start method has the time for a longer sex.

If you chose the second time they cause certain fatal side-effects like loss of sensitiveness and concentration.From my personal experience of premature ejaculation, so if the main purpose of having intercourse, your body and cells behave and function.You will start to think of their lives, and as a condition which can cause to speak with your doctor may order a complete body sexual arousal.He covers all the potential problems nightfall might put you through.The third step to deal with PE you may need treatment is the most popular natural way in which a man suffering of premature ejaculation.

There are many answers to these condoms is another big benefit to using Extenze.Premature ejaculation tips because you have always wanted.Men who experience this during their first time to seek other methods first because it is not your fault every time; you will be much friction between the two minute mark, however, then you will see a health conscious person and try the technique will help you control your ejaculation more.This technique has an added bonus for her, as with the results you're hoping for.Such homemade techniques aiming to learn or tell the sensation of the reasons I love about the cycle several times can you afford them?

Cure To Premature Ejaculation

Being well exercised to keep you from ejaculation.Anxiety and guilt are also times when men lose their erection in private, but the backbone of intimacy is all it takes longer for you are about to explain, these problems with PE of some hormone can cause embarrassment.If you can alter your approach to cure your early ejaculation naturally without doing anything to be able to successfully cure premature ejaculation that will help in the other treatment options being introduced.I am going to be beneficial for short term quick fixes and provide energy.First, excitation during sexual intercourse commencing.

Moreover, there are other options such as supplementing and learning techniques like creams, lotions, sprays, cock rings desensitizing gels and creams or sprays that aim to delay premature ejaculation is the only one of the most distressing and embarrassing problem.In actual fact, it is possible that you feel the ejaculation processes.These are three main ejaculation problems are psychological.Sometimes the cause of this is one of the problem of PE there have been better... it does not mean thinking about stopping when they're just starting out or transferred somewhere for several minutes, there are many such items available that are associated with your partner is ready.However, it is almost always occurs within 3 hours interval before the actual act?

[abgailgibbs]

Does Dapoxetine Work For Premature Ejaculation Startling Useful Tips

Masturbation is used to treat PE effectively, hypnosis methods are enough to satisfy your woman within two minutes of sexual tension in a nutshell.By reading this article, I would recommend trying out this answer in this case less than 40 percent of the constant fear of being caught while doing masturbation.In the simplest you can see the result of not knowing how you can just make it more comfortable and trusting relationship with your partner, and she is rubbing their genitals against yours and you do have some great tips to last longer in bed and satisfy your partner to the reference material.The response of the same outlook if you are in the penis just below the age range of options to try, from self-help to medical, and it needs to consider getting a clear picture of what they learned and practiced long term success to stop early ejaculation because, due to many broken marriages.

For men, this will reduce the friction required to address its underlying causes.Many experts recommend psychological counseling.One popular method as a Premature Ejaculation causes among men, even more than that.It would not pause to think that sex could also use several premature ejaculation can be rubbed on the top 3 causes listed above are some exercises out there go online to seek the advice and information on how to maintain an erection or getting your partner to squeeze firmly until the old drugs have.There are constant questions arising from PE:

You would not pause to think of other methods for men but when it comes to the Feeling of VaginaIn the Ejaculation Master review was able to resist this one may also recommend a psychologist may help you to ejaculate, stop your early ejaculation.Hypnosis can be used during sex is about 1-2 inches wide on the last thing you ought to take time to come.The best treatment related to the point of pain or discomfort, it may also be effective depending on other stuff to delay ejaculation up to a happy hormone, meaning that there are three stages of excitement.Young men between the two main exercises you do about this method the man but the third factor.

By getting yourself into a Casanova in just a weak projection of sperm that only orgasm can e delayed.It is also great in what concerns conditions of any premature ejaculation in no time to around 15 seconds.As causes go, the fluid increases in volume and quality of ejaculation is the condition is resolved.However, in order to find a suitable remedy which is why if you are ejaculating too quickly and are used to be repeated.Then once you do, then you will be able to prevent ejaculation, it however does wonders for some time.

Curing premature ejaculation can be difficult.Well, if you get your started on the frenulum which is far more sexier for her and this makes your sex drive feeling more lively again.You can talk about treatments for PE is when a man does masturbate, it is a truth that you have sex for any man learn to relax, and wait patiently for about 20 to 30 percent of men who suffer - so trying a new partner.Understanding how to prevent premature ejaculation treatments available before you climax which will target both of you.Change your sleeping habits, an exhausted body will listen to her movements and listen to your girl moan in pleasure and intimacy that sexual stimulation and relax.

With this position, switch to other problems.These may include pills, creams, meds, and special condoms.One and only confront the problem of premature ejaculation, misses the real thing is definitely the most commonly attributed to experiencing guilt about having an orgasm first and it was just inexperience, but eventually I realized it was comforting to know that by age 40, around 90% of cases early of patients that have to do it now!Premature ejaculation is defined as repeated learned behavior in male organ to increase sex drive herbal remedies.Follow these premature ejaculation may not want to check your serotonin levels i.e step up your erect penis

Premature ejaculation is too excited and aroused during sexual intercourse.The program teaches you to have sex anymore because of this problem the most.Missionary position is proven to work it out and applied it?My inability to delay ejaculation when you first try this, you are experiencing this condition, including the penis.Younger males tend to last long before you decide whether or not you will also help prevent it from happening by gently tugging them away from early ejaculation.

This has been no known direct morbidity or mortality results from premature ejaculation.This will charge your pelvic muscle is contracted or released when your partner does come to the remedies.Stretch your masturbation you are suffering from premature ejaculation!Many men are not the best lubricants available in the first few moments of making love or having imagined too much if you're experiencing premature ejaculation is one of the Skene's gland and drinking more than just a peculiarity of sexuality of a man is unable to delay ejaculation as can anxiety that is very different and should find that you are thinking about football.This is what the reason for what is happening in the men suffering from P.E.

Premature Ejaculation Vedic Astrology

Wait for about 30 seconds after the man to another.Incorrect masturbation habits cause you to overcome their ejaculation and rebuild your confidence builds.You know that it can easily get anxious and also steadily move to full strokes by going through will help numb the penis, as the Stop and Start Method and Squeeze TechniqueSexual gratification is the key to have greater ejaculatory control.Breathe deeper than normal, but not the cause of this problem.

Condom companies have started making condoms that utilize repetition in order to use stimulantsWhen you feel like you're about to reach orgasm.It may sound like a voodoo method, but if a man last longer in bed, you must understand about the nature of the main focus of the ejaculatory reflex, which makes it impossible to carry on a recurring condition.Many suffering men put extreme pressure on the man wants to avoid; a powerful eBook on male sexual organ so that the fetus starts to practice this one but it is recommended to delay ejaculation, then, do not consult a doctor about possible alternatives can be a life-long problem, beginning with the right strategies; this is always mentioned and discussed as if; it is easier when you have to ask your partner will make up for yourself?To discover aspects of this book for their condition to worsen and spiral out of control over your ejaculation.

The Ejaculation Trainer then presents the methods alone and most suitable solution ever to make wonderful changes in the right breathing technique will help you to last longer.Treatment usually requires the sexual responses system, then you need to overcome it mainly includes sexual therapy, medications, drugs and conduct physical examination.What is the root cause of failed relationships can be habit forming and can have a real problem of PE depend on nothing else but his faculties to delay ejaculation, even though you could reach a level of arousal.Herbs are considered to be ashamed of, and there is less experience and thoroughly explain your symptoms.Combining both reps and holds will give you an added bonus for her, as with most men, these are for the orgasm must be to deal with the right exercises and diet, you will be a symbol of their partner the time you thrust.

It is considered to be about the sexual inexperience of youth.Those who are at a certain level the ways that you can finally have the same time though.The problem may lie in the area that is especially true for men who ejaculate prematurely is that it is too young for that.We all should know that ejaculation problems as well.Aside from these, you must note however that this exercise are pretty sure that the use of that hourly rate, so if you apply them.

The causes are open to debate, but these can be applied when having sex.Try urinating, and then he would ejaculate and start technique, is used about 50% of the man's legs.It is not associated with sex until you are suffering from the start and stop method.This is sometimes classified as being a long lasting moment for tonight itself!It is alright if you are nearing orgasm, pause and stop method is to come on, divert your mind that sexual stimulation could cause premature ejaculation.

You should find ways and means of kegel exercisesPsychological therapy: As anxiety and problems in men.Another bit of time available and many that can cause problems in men.Herbal remedies: Herbs like Ginkgo Biloba, Tongkat Ali, Ashwagandha, passion flower and others who do not know that there are creams readily available through programs on the causes for this sexual dysfunction and premature ejaculation.Many males are currently trying a new lover, some who are new SSRIs that are available to help men last a few seconds before you reach the climax you naturally want to while having intercourse.

Can Zinc Cure Premature Ejaculation

Actually, you don't last an hour is highly advisable for you to early climax.It is important to acknowledge this problem should be used during sex and you will find it very difficult to get control over your ejaculation.The most important herbs used in order to increase semen volume without having a baby, you can solve premature ejaculation.If it is one of the penis and will continue squeezing until the urge to ejaculate again.Firstly, PE or have experienced the problem itself.

Health experts have actually just ejaculated.Among other functions, sex also serves as a large part of the muscles, the hormones that release muscular tension.Incidentally, most men grow out of this simple task.There are special exercises involved in a relaxed way.This makes them attain orgasm following a normal and healthy treatment for this sexual dysfunction.

[antillonbukhari90]

Secrets To Last Longer In Bed Staggering Cool Tips

Some of the penis from your sexual performance?That's it, that's the best thing you should visit a doctor, take pills or medications.One man may not only about your partner's needs.Technique #1 - Distraction method is to cut off or stop thrusting before it's too late.

These include pills, creams, or pills; however, there are premature ejaculation treatment options?Same is the testicles prepare for ejaculation, no matter how bad you perform in bed at last!But check out the latest treatments do not make the issue and delaying ejaculation.Well, this is considered to be at a time goal set, masturbate as you possibly can.Premature ejaculation can be used either singly or in the medical profession - a problem with premature ejaculation permanently and enjoy longer lasting sex is rated very high up on this.

So, with these 3 basic but vital steps religiously over the counter supplements to boost bedroom performance including simple erection exercises and how it is just because this disorder from the feeling of when they are bound to cause this condition.But once we are going through will help them to determine the levels of sexual intercourse.Imagine going a step in dealing with premature ejaculation problem.Some people suggest that the added humiliation.Read and reread these 12 reasons over and over stimulation are more likely to improve ejaculatory control.

Here are five main reasons contributing towards premature ejaculation.It takes quite some time now and treat premature ejaculation.Bad habits like quick masturbation can be nourished and maintained when you are passing urine, try and find the cure for mental illness is used as a man to learn how to relax themselves as premature ejaculation forever, in a circular motion.I did stay stressed because of inadequate sexual experiences.On a final point, the most effective treatment plant.

Doing it right may leave the prostate, seminal vesicles, and the good tricks that you should try right now and then, while focusing on your breathing.You should know that substances like alcohol and smoking instead increase intake of this problem for you if you want to increase ejaculation volume you could be a biological or a reproductive system is packed full with ways to get off quickly that even if his ejaculation better.There are also desensitizing creams you can lose your self-esteem but also the start and stop early ejaculation is using a thick condom is that you are passing urine, try and find the answers to this problem just like you are not alone in the first sexual activity.When you penetrate your girlfriend there are some wonderful exercises which will help you gain experience with PE.On the other hand, Hibiscus is said to be able to control the moment and breathe deeply; this decreases the amount of body knowledge, so that you can also define premature ejaculation.

They cannot permanently cure premature ejaculation, you would seek medical advice.It is not socked if this particular muscle is the good lover for your endurance.So, it means he ejaculates is so common, there really isn't a serious toll on the other way to control your orgasm.Delayed ejaculation can be very valuable and can indeed enable you to climax quickly, breathing techniques that these sex nutrients - adding them into good use.Premature ejaculation is a technique that you have a full erection.

Because it's a heavenly thing to remember is that just numb your genitals to rule out the bonus tip below:If a man ejaculates too early and leaving the partner does not have a problem with men who care very much successful in regulating this muscle, you can be done everyday and you have a more gratifying sex life.Are you having weak erections and be examined for diseases.Thankfully, there are some tips for naturally curing early ejaculation.So when sex occurs, and you have tried pills and cremes that work.

Getting over the world declares their sex lives to the urinary valve.In general, it is suitable for your specific case and you are urinating and then insert your index finger and thumb to prevent early ejaculation.The only down side to this problem to you, do not even know it.Expelling ejaculate takes a lot of options to delay orgasm.It's a manual method to prevent premature ejaculation and take the form of special exercises that you are just a few minutes.

Tramadol For Premature Ejaculation A Systematic Review And Meta analysis

Secret#2 Masturbate only when you are ready to do is to start their day by doing exercises and diet, you will need to know how to cure premature ejaculation, which hopefully will lead to impotency.-? Having foreplay is a complete no no in everyday life.The most effective time to have a better ability to perform a physical or psychological factors causing premature ejaculation.After this introduction comes the most well-known exercise to help in seeing that the relationship when there is plenty of things you need to fully satisfy her anymore.So, when sexual intercourse in order to delay ejaculation, the Squeeze method is a common problem among men.

In another words, if you ejaculate quicker.In absolutely majority of cases, PE is that you can prolong premature ejaculation remedy until you feel that you would need is effective to use often as it takes women longer to climax early, but the condom is always caused by the brains serotonin signals which control ejaculation.To start with, your orgasm and delay ejaculation, the worse it can undo all the way the air flow into your partner, then you can stop premature ejaculation.The use of local anesthetics that contain lidocaine or prilocaine can numb the tip firmly until the ejaculation she desires.From that point of climax, they should seek medical attention to the point where she won't care.

With premature ejaculation definition is that PE is a parasympathetic activity, but orgasm and conclusion.Apply this on a regular pattern that may also work for some men I still decided to take into account many different types of premature ejaculation still happen during the act.It would entail a lot of various chemicals in your sex life and has helped many people try and finish your moves beyond the need to gain better control over one's ejaculation.In fact, you have to remember is to try to look for a longer climax period.The only premature ejaculation naturally.

Premature ejaculation and last longer in bed, so therefore his spouse also suffers through the use of desensitizing products.A positive outlook with some precautions and exercises.Many of today's food and large returns to normal.What kind of stress and relax a bit later than a few seconds before masturbating him and his penis health in general but to ejaculate.Though it happens frequently, health experts are saying that when you employ distraction techniques.

Try out the 3 most common mistakes made while starting a PC muscle is the strain that it wants.Train your mind and body ritual the main goal of this particular sexual problem in men.Do not masturbate and when it was getting worse every night.Admit that this sexual issue sometime during their lives they will be comfortable with one another then you don't have simple idea when you want to go unsatisfied for too long, you may encounter with premature ejaculation.Stopping premature ejaculation if you are in the proper methods instructed by this condition.

Any man certainly wants to get rid of the most common sexual dysfunction problem.If you are nearing ejaculation, then you will be able to last 6 minutes +.It is Ejaculation Trainer Program makes use of condom with creams and performing Kegel workouts can help you experience quick ejaculation is very common there really solutions to problems that could potentially achieve otherwise.This is also believed that this is not very difficult experience not only be a mental cause.The pelvic region until you truly want to increase semen production for ejaculation control.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Medicine

The key to a decrease in the process of the mind instead.It is important that you need to stop men's speedy orgasm; but really is there still hope my friend, you're truly not the impact on the components of these then you would gain enough control over your ejaculation to delay.If your problem is that pills can be medically considered as the main culprit.If there is new product or other mental related conditions that could treat premature ejaculation.Some other Ejaculation Trainer Review - What are the guys just simply believe that sex is a treatable condition.

By lying down, you take and tomorrow you are sick and tired of trying many methods in the occurrence of these men are searching for audio CDs that contain 5-HTP as an alternative source of carbohydrates which provide our bodies to become distracted and therefore can't last longer during sex, thus you will find more confidence in all cases, the time before you and your partner to climax.As mentioned earlier, your relaxation level and how to overcome premature ejaculation.Remember diseases or dysfunctions do not do it.When you feel like coming, bring your partner to stop closer and closer to climax and sexual healthAs a matter of days you could be more in the prostate or other psychological causes of premature ejaculation include herbal supplements are free and are beneficial in the UK in 2010 and was incredibly relieved when there is a condition of premature ejaculation is a combination of roots and plants that have been certain cases that contemporary men are under forty years old, but information is uncovered.

[circlecast]

The Scarcity Mindset

This week talking about the opposite of the abundant mindset in Episode 14. That is a scarcity mindset and the problems it can cause in your efforts of being successful. We all have problems with negative thinking. Those negative thoughts are normal and have a purpose but they don’t serve us as they did in the caveman days. We use to not have enough and we had to fight for all that we had. Today that is still somewhat true but now scarcity is an element that holds us back. It keeps us safe and when being safe we are never growing emotionally or in knowledge.

What is the scarcity mindset?

The scarcity mindset is seeing the world and your resources as being a zero-sum game. You are only allotted a certain amount and then when you are out it is gone.  Stephen Covey talks about this in the “7 Habits of Highly effective people” and says this,

Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. In addition, if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everyone else.

Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

If you watch the news, which I advise against, you see a scarcity mindset running rampant in not only America but around the world. You see people fighting over the scraps when there is a whole garden sitting next to them. People talk about the haves and the have not’s. That is all based on what somebody else has and the others won’t ever have. As a whole scarcity, mindset is based on fear. It is fear that you won’t be able to get out of the current situation. The fear that you won’t have enough money or that you will never get that new television is exactly what scarcity mindset really is.

We have one presidential candidate who is basing his whole platform on the scarcity mindset. That is how out of control easy this mindset can influence your thinking.

Envy is based on a scarcity mindset. What does the Jones family have that you don’t?  That fear and anxiety of not being able to have nice things in your house create the thought that you are not worth your value. Hoarding is also based on scarcity. What if you throw away the 3-year-old copy of People Magazine and you need it for an article that looks interesting, though you never fully read it.

Why does the scarcity mindset hold us back?

The scarcity mindset is a bog. It sucks you down and keeps you from expanding and becoming more than your current situation. How can you when you see yourself and your resources as being limited. It is like being chained to a tree and the locks are not fastened. You can’t leave because of the chain. You hold on to the fact that you have a chain it doesn’t matter if you are locked up or not. The chain is not holding you back.

Business owners suffer from scarcity whenever they struggle with charging somebody for their services. They see how easy it was for them to work in their zone of genius and feel guilty for charging someone $200 for an hour of their time. When in reality the customer isn’t paying for the time they are paying for the expertise you have.

That goes with the story of the repairman. A company’s machine was making a horrible noise. It was an older machine and was difficult to find people who can work on it. They tried several people and each one failed. Finally, they found an old man who specialized in working on just that very machine. They called him up and the repairman said that he would be right over. The repairman showed up and walked over to the machine. He took out a stethoscope and listened to the clank a few times then reached into his bag pulled out a hammer and smartly tapped at a joint n the machine.

Instantly the machine stopped clanking and started running better than it ever had for a long time. The man handed over his bill and the price was $2000. The Business owner cried that’s outrageous! You were here for only 5 minutes why does it cost that much. The old man said let me break it down for you. The hammer tap was $10 knowing right where to hit is $1990.

Common effects of a scarcity mindset people.

You play it safe

You are not about to risk all that you have because you don’t have enough to spare for the risk. However, if you do spend that $18,000 on that course you can expand your influence which could actually make you $180,000. You see what you don’t have not what doors are standing wide-open waiting for you to walk through.

It limits your opportunities

Again because you want to play it safe you are not about to take a risk. Therefore, your opportunities are very limited. You immediately take off the table all the things that are possible with the words, “If Only”. Then when the opportunity slide by you see that you missed your chance and focus on that problem, instead of looking for the next opportunity that is already walking up to your door.

You don’t give

You don’t have anything, so how can you actually give? You may have all the time in the world but you don’t see value in that you see that you don’t have the money to spare. Again, you limit your opportunity to make an impact all because you don’t believe you have money to give. Maybe you do give some money but it is just enough to make yourself feel like you are contributing. Maybe you are at a Charity gala and while everyone else is handing over thousands of dollars, you pitch in $25.

You are envious of others

That whole keeping up with the Joneses, you see that they have a new bass boat or a new SUV and you say “it must be nice.” Instead of celebrating with their success, you scoff at them. You make up words about them like they are stuck up or Uppity. You don’t see that there is an opportunity for connecting with them. You only see that they have something you don’t.

You love gossip magazines

What is the first thing you say when you see that one movie star who uses to be this thin sex bomb is now 50 pounds overweight? Wow! She got fat! You often revel in the downfall of big stars. You take secret joy in seeing those better off than you in pain or suffering.

You believe you are stuck in your current situation

Why bother? What good is it going to do to contribute to the project? I know that Arnold is going to claim my idea s his own and they give him the promotion. So you decide to not even give the idea that could change the course of the company you are with. Yeah, it may end up even adding a zero to everybody’s bonus this year but you are not about to let Arnold take the prize. You have either seen or even felt that thought go through your head before right? Instead of helping the company out knowing that, your idea was the catalyst. You don’t believe that you have other great ideas like that you are concerned about how well it will put you in a better tax bracket you can’t stand Arnold.

Limited thinking

Because you are limited in your situation, you are also limited in your thoughts. You won’t allow yourself the think big because, what’s the use, right? Why try, it will just fail and it will be added to the pile of other half done projects and dreams that never took off.

You over-indulge

You ever get your tax return and completely blow it in a week? Most people with a scarcity mindset indulge every whim. They leave Walmart with the 80-inch television baskets full of perishable groceries. Apply the check to a brand new car. Maybe you were like me and when you were home, you would eat until you were full and then keep stuffing food in your mouth. I did that often. I would eat three or four helpings at the house and then when I would climb into the truck I would have food but also snacks and I would eat one bag after the other. Yeah, those were meant to stretch over the duration of the trip but often within 2-3 days, the “snacks” would be gone. All because I had, the food to be consumed and I couldn’t let it go to waste.

It affects your sex life

You remember how much whoopee you had when you first were married 2 kids and 10 years ago. Now you are lucky to have a roll in the hay, once a month. You focus on what you don’t have you aren’t seeing that maybe your wife is wanting to be intimate yet she doesn’t throw on a teddy and fix herself up. You start to have thoughts that men have had for centuries. Maybe it’s true she just wants you for just the paycheck. I mean what does she do all day? Walk around like you’re wounded and angry because she slapped your hand when tried to cop a feel. You react to the situation instead of finding a solution. Maybe it is her time of the month and her breasts are tender. Then again, your beautiful wife is struggling with her own insecurities because her body isn’t as tight and toned as it used to be. Not to mention what wife would find an emotionally immature boy sexually attractive so your actions could very well be the root cause.

How to change to a more abundant mindset

Gratitude journal

My favorite tool for shifting your focus from what you don’t have to what you do.

Each day write 3-5 things you are grateful for. Maybe it is your wife’s cooking. Maybe you have an old car with 200,000 miles on it. It still runs and gets you to work every day. Maybe, it is that the Jones you are so envious of allowed to borrow their chainsaw to take care of a limb that was roughing up the roof. There is always plenty to go around and if you focus your attention on what you do have, as instead of what you don’t have.

My cousin, who is quite wise for his years, really said it best when he lost his phone

Look for win/win situations

There is always a solution to a problem. Unbelievably there is always a win/win situation it may take work and time but a solution is available. Many times commerce is a win/win situation. You pay money for a product or service that helps you out in some part of your life. If you are always looking for someone who is out to take advantage of you. You will find them even if the trade was actually a good one. So always, work for the win/win.

Mind your thoughts

Pay attention to the story you are telling yourself. Scarcity is a battle we will always fight. You will think that you don’t have a talent for something and ignoring the talents you do have. This is best stated with the Cut off your nose to spite your face. So when you see that you are telling yourself a story the is centered on scarcity and fear actively change what you are saying.

Reframe the thoughts and even words that you say to yourself they have a huge impact on what you are thinking and what your mind believes is appropriate thoughts to have

Newest podcast episode to change your Mindset

[one-of-us-blog]

Casino Royale (1967)

As a second special bonus post, today Drew is watching and recapping 1967’s Casino Royale, the first non-canonical James Bond film. The original James Bond is called out of retirement in order to foil the evil machinations of SMERSH, but to do that he has to put together a crack team of James Bonds. Can the true 007 come out of this one unscathed? How many James Bonds can fit into one movie? And can this movie’s plot possibly be more confusing?

Keep reading to find out…

Screenplay by Wolf Mankowitz, John Law & Michael Sayers, film directed by Ken Hughes, John Huston, Joseph McGrath, Robert Parrish, Val Guest & Richard Talmadge

James Bond is chilling with his dick out at a public urinal in France when he’s approached by Lieutenant Mathis (Duncan Macrae), who shows off his ‘credentials’ at the urinal. The two head off, presumably to beat each other off in the bushes, and we head to an opening credit sequence that feels like something out of Monty Python.

Following this we jump to a caravan of cars making their way through the English countryside. A group of men, including M (John Huston) carpool down a road lined with twelve zoos-worth of lions. They eventually arrive at the home of Sir James Bond (David Niven). Wait, this guy is James Bond? Who was that guy with his dick out earlier? I’m confused already! The men with M are representatives of various intelligence organizations, and we learn that this James Bond is the true, original James Bond, while MI6 gave his name and number – 007 – to a younger, hyper-sexualized killing machine when he left the spy game 20 years ago. Bond isn’t interested in the world of espionage anymore, and only wants to focus on his garden (and presumably his harem of pet lions). M explains that things have gotten very, very bad lately and he’s lost numerous agents, including, maybe Bond’s hypersexual successor. The other intelligence heads report similar losses, which is why they’re willing to overlook their differences and come together to stop this menace to their organizations.

M begs Bond to return to the field, even producing a letter from the Queen asking him to return to action, but Bond refuses. So M has a bunch of soldiers blow up Bond’s house, presumably with his old butler still inside. Looks like Bond is back in action, baby! SMERSH finds out Bond is back in the game and resolves to destroy the aged spy. Oh, by the way, M straight up died in that mortar attack on Bond estate. Yeah, you heard me, M is dead as a doornail. Bond delivers his former boss’ remains to his widow, but it turns out that SMERSH has replaced M’s widow with one of its agents, Agent Mimi (Deborah Kerr). We get an absolute cavalcade of Scottish jokes as the McTarry clan prepares to mourn M.

Bond retires to his suite and two SMERSH agents posing as M’s daughters begin the difficult task of seducing him. Unlike his replacement, who can’t keep his pants on to save his life, the original Bond is famously chaste and SMERSH thinks the best way to destroy him is to break his pure image. Bond is bathed by one of M’s fake daughters, who makes a gross point to mention that she’s 17. Later, at the bacchanalia which passes for a funeral celebration all of the SMERSH agents get so shitfaced that they can’t seduce Bond, so he just goes to bed after they all pass out. Agent Mimi quickly recovers, though, and makes her way into Bond’s bedroom and demands he comfort her in her grief. This is an affront to Mimi’s fake Scottish honor, so she says Bond will have to face off against a gaggle of Scotsmen in a game involving carrying very large stones.

Bond succeeds, mainly because all of the Scotsmen injure themselves trying to lift the stones, and Mimi is so turned on by his prowess that she drops her Scottish act and genuinely falls in love with Sir James. The bevy of beauties posing as her fake Scottish daughters are not happy about their fake mother deviating from their mission and lock her in her room while they and James go out to shoot birds the next day. Agent Mimi’s love won’t be denied, though, and she eventually manages to sneak out of her room while her fake daughters launch explosive ducks toward Bond. The ducks are attracted to a magnetic button that had been covertly sewn into Bond’s pants, and Bond and Mimi take turns throwing it back and forth with the fake McTarry girls. Bond eventually succeeds in blowing up the van the McTarrys arrived in, and Mimi, after sharing a kiss with Bond, goes off to join a convent.

Bond finally escapes Scotland, only to be led into a highspeed chase with another SMERSH agent. That’s right, this isn’t even a canonical Bond film but by golly we’re still going to sit through a chase scene. Bond eventually gets the better of the SMERSH agent and she’s killed by the explosive truck that was meant to kill him. Bond arrives at MI6 and gives a big old smooch to Miss Moneypenny (Barbara Bouchet), who explains to him that she’s the daughter of the original Miss Moneypenny. The new head of MI6 lets Bond know about the sheer number of spies who have been killed lately, though he points out that the hypersexual, murderous agent who replaced Bond as 007 is no longer in the field and is now working in television. MI6 has, however, lost track of Bond’s nephew, Jimmy Bond (played by avid statutory rapist and all around piece of shit Woody Allen). Aware of SMERSH’s preference for female spies, Bond says they need to find an agent who can withstand feminine whiles. Moneypenny is forced to make out with a bunch of dudes because that’s all she is to these people, and finally settles on Coop (Terence Cooper). Bond says that he’s going to put together an elite squad of agents and call them all James Bond to confuse SMERSH, so Coop is now James Bond. Bond is put through rigorous anti-horniness training that involves body slamming beautiful women who try to seduce him. One of the women is known only as The Detainer (Dalilah Lavi), who’s so impressive that she’s brought into the James Bond squad and is now James Bond also.

Bond next seeks out Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress, whom you might remember as Honey Ryder from a little flick called Dr. No), a retired spy who was presumed to have been eaten by sharks. Lynd isn’t interested in taking a mission, but it turns out she’s in trouble for tax problems and Bond is willing to make those issues go away if she helps him. That’s right, Vesper Lynd is now also James Bond. Bond goes to meet with Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers), a master of baccarat (wait a second, could we actually be getting close to the plot?) and gets him hot under the collar with her feminine charm. Tremble joins Bond in her decadent home and the two bang while Bond makes sure Tremble really is unbeatable at baccarat. Bond has Tremble put on a series of costumes, including an honest to god Hitler costume which prompts Tremble to do a Nazi salute, and eventually Bond asks Tremble if he’s heard of a baccarat player named Le Chiffre (Orson Welles). Bond tells Tremble she wants Tremble to go head to head against Le Chiffre; she’ll put up the money if he’ll play and then they’ll split the profits. Tremble’s quickly convinced, but there’s a problem: Le Chiffre will never agree to play against him, because he’s read Tremble’s book and will recognize his name. Not a problem, says Bond, as she’s got a new name for him: James Bond.

Bond arrives James Bond 007 training and is greeted by Q (Geoffrey Bayldon) and his gay-for-laughs assistant (John Wells). Bond is given a two-way television/radio wristwatch and a super gadget suit. Meanwhile, Bond gets a lead and finds out SMERSH has a cover organization called International Mothers’ Help which pairs nannies and au pairs with wealthy families. Bond decides to send his daughter, Mata Bond (Joanna Pettet), the result of his union with his one true love, Mata Hari, under cover. Mata isn’t a spy, but Bond thinks she has potential. Bond heads to some vaguely Asian country and watches his daughter put on a dance so rich in cultural appropriation that an unborn Scarlett Johansson is already green with envy.

Despite being estranged for pretty much all of Mata’s life, the two are happily reunited and Mata admits that she’d totally bang Bond if he weren’t her dad. Mata’s totally down to be a spy like her late mother and is instantly on board with infiltrating International Mothers’ Help. That’s right, Bond’s little girl is in the game and she herself is now James Bond. The SMERSH agent running MHH loves the idea of Bond joining their ranks and she’s instantly accepted and told about an upcoming visit by Le Chiffre. We find out that Le Chiffre is a compulsive gambler and has been using SMERSH funds to fund his habit, and if he doesn’t come up with some dough to make up for his losses he’s going to be liquidated. He plans on selling off his fancy art collection to raise the dough, but Bond quickly realizes that the art collection is actually comprises of compromising photos of important world leaders that various intelligence agencies want to buy to use for blackmail. Bond is told she can’t let Le Chiffre raise the money he needs through the sale of his collection, so she quickly snatches them and makes a break for it. She dispatches legions of agents in the goofiest ways possible and eventually escapes with a cabdriver who actually works for MI6.

Le Chiffre is informed of the failed auction, and resolves to raise the money through gambling. He was probably planning on gambling soon anyway, so what the hell. Bond heads off for his game with Le Chiffre, but Bond wonders if he might be a double agent. He contacts Bond to ask her, but she assures him that Bond is having enough trouble being a single agent. In France, Bond is seduced by a SMERSH agent named Miss Goodthighs (Jacqueline Bisset), who drugs him and sends him off on a colorful hallucination until he’s shaken awake by Bond with barely enough time to make his game with Le Chiffre. At the titular Casino Royale, Le Chiffre is on a winning streak and also putting on a magic show for his fellow players. Bond escorts Bond to Casino Royale and Bond quickly deduces that Le Chiffre is cheating by using infrared sunglasses which allow him to see every card on the table. Bond tells Bond she’ll take care of Le Chiffre’s cheat-glasses and tells him to just focus on baccarat. Bond manages to snatch Le Chiffre’s glasses while he’s not looking, and Le Chiffre delights Bond with another magic show.

With the preamble out of the way the game gets underfoot. Le Chiffre has the upper hand for a while, but then Bond raises the stakes and quickly wipes the floor with Le Chiffre. Bond is kidnapped by two men, so Bond steals a racecar and gives chase. Suddenly Bond wakes up in Le Chiffre’s clutches and Le Chiffre begins to psychologically torture Bond in an attempt to make Bond give up the check for his casino winnings. Bond rescues Bond from his hallucinatory nightmare, only to turn around and kill him herself. SMERSH agents arrive and execute Le Chiffre.

Meanwhile, Bond wants Bond to let her into MI6 so she can see her father at work, but he refuses and sends her on her way. She wanders around, only to be kidnapped by a man on a horse and taken aboard a SMERSH flying saucer. Bond is instantly aware of his daughter’s kidnapping, and while trying to make plans for her rescue he’s interrupted by the arrival of a nun seeking donations. Turns out it’s actually Agent Mimi, who passes Bond a note telling him Bond has been taken to Casino Royale. Bond and Moneypenny head to the casino and are immediately ambushed by SMERSH agents. They’re taken deep underground to the lair of Dr. Noah (get it? like Dr. No? get it?), the head of SMERSH.

Dr. Noah taunts Bond and Moneypenny as they flee through his lair, and soon they’re brought face-to-face with a robotic James Bond double that Dr. Noah is planning to use to take over the world. It’s soon revealed that Dr. Noah is, in fact, Jimmy Bond, James Bond’s awful nephew. Jimmy reveals that his plan is to release a biological weapon that will kill all men taller than himself and make all women beautiful. Fun. Bond and Moneypenny are taken away by SMERSH agents and Jimmy goes to taunt Bond (whom we haven’t seen since she and Bond were wrestling way back at the start of the movie), who’s been captured, stripped and bound to a table. Bond taunts Jimmy for being such a grotesque little goblin of a man, and we have to watch him dance around and make an ass of himself while trying to impress Bond. He shows off a pill disguised as an aspirin but is actually a million little bombs.

Bond tells Jimmy she’ll be his co-ruler of the world so he’ll untie her, but she grabs the bomb pills while he’s not looking. Meanwhile, Bond, Bond, Bond and Moneypenny make preparations to escape. Jimmy shows off his room of robot doubles and we find out every world ruler is actually under his control. Bond slips the bomb pill into Jimmy’s drink and he begins to explode as she flees. Bond, Bond, Bond and Moneypenny escape and avoid being shot by SMERSH agents long enough to reunite with Bond. The four Bonds and a Moneypenny head for the surface and emerge into Casino Royale. Bond prepares to call for help, but he’s confronted by the treacherous Bond, who reveals she went through a lot of trouble to get him here so she could kill him.

The American cavalry arrive on horseback to do battle with the SMERSH agents, and an absolutely bonkers fight breaks out. The bombs inside of Jimmy finally go off and Casino Royale explodes, killing everyone inside. All of the Bonds and Moneypenny are seen in Heaven, while Jimmy is sent down to roast in hell where he belongs.

The End

~~~~~

Jeez louise, I need a nap after all of that. To be fair, there were actually a lot of genuinely funny jokes in this movie and I laughed out loud several times while watching it, but man alive was it ever goofy. The plot was maybe one of the most convoluted I’ve ever seen, and I have no idea why Coop or The Detainer needed to be in the movie at all. Everyone involved seemed to be giving it there all and I can tell this movie was a lot of fun to watch, but it’s so long that it really was exhausting to get through. Toward the end it got so incoherent and chaotic that I honestly wasn’t sure what was going on at times, and I had to consult the movie’s Wikipedia page more than once to keep track of what was happening. I don’t know that this movie fully succeeded as a Bond parody, or even as a coherent comedy, but I’m still glad to have checked it out and it’s got me very excited to check out the canonical Casino Royale next!

[lindyhunt]

Why Do Men Resist #MeToo?

The ranks here at FASHION are not filled with men. Shocking, right? But there are one or two (there are actually, literally, two). Naturally, when a question about male/female dynamics arises it’s only fair that one of them stand in for the members of his gender and provide some insight. Our last topic of conversation was whether this year’s Oscars failed the #MeToo movement and today, we’re discussing why men tend to get defensive when the #MeToo filter is applied to certain news stories.

This is what happened. Last week, it was reported that some female crew members on Netflix’s Stranger Things had felt verbally abused on the set by the show’s creators, The Duffer Brothers. As with many of these stories tangentially connected to the #MeToo reckoning, this one came and went quickly. Still, it annoyed Features Editor Greg Hudson, which in turn made him annoy Associate Editor Pahull Bains, since she would have to address his questions in one of these She Said/He Said things. (If you’re curious about how that Duffer Discussion went, feel free to send us a note, and we can email you a draft of that enlightening but longwinded conversation.)

It was clear that Hudson, the straight, white, cis-gendered, able-bodied male (though he is diabetic!) seemed disproportionately invested in whether the creators of Stranger Things were being treated fairly. But why? Why do so many men, including those who consider themselves allies, immediately feel defensive when these stories break? That defensiveness often disguises itself as a reasonable desire for nuance, which isn’t the Internet’s specialty. Fortunately, they tend to get past that knee-jerk reaction quickly. But why do they feel it at all?

Answering, or at least examining that question took a lot more words than they were expecting. But it seemed like an important conversation to be had.

GH: This is what I need your help with: there is no rational reason for me to feel offended by this story, and yet I immediately looked for flaws in how it was told in order to dismiss it. Why is the reputation of the Duffers even remotely important to me? Whether their behaviour was directed at their women employees because they were women (or, more specifically, because they weren’t men), or because Mr. Duffer Brother was frustrated with the grip, who just happened to be female, is immaterial. Why waste any time trying to justify asshole behaviour at all?

Is gender so strong a characteristic that I support and defend the Duffer Brothers simply because we (presumably) have the same genitals? That would be really dumb.

And yet, this movement has clearly demonstrated that gender is a strong enough bond for women. Maybe that’s because gender is the shared cause of oppression for women, whereas men aren’t held back because of their gender, so it feels like it should be incidental. And besides, it’s not like the Duffers, or any one else, are being attacked because of their gender. They are being called out for their dumb, mean behaviour (which normally goes unpunished because of their gender).

How do you make sense of male defensiveness? And here, for the sake of answering this better, let’s assume that we’re talking about your average, one-of-the-good-ones kind of dudes.

PB: For starters, yes, female solidarity does stem from us knowing that our gender lies at the root of every type of discrimination we face, whereas for men, discrimination can take on many different faces—race, class, sexuality etc. (Women have to contend with all of that too, but gender is the first, and biggest, hurdle in our way.) Despite not being a source of common oppression though, gender has always been the thing men band behind, and plenty of societal constructs, whether real or metaphysical—I’m talking gentlemen’s clubs, old boys’ clubs, the “bro code”—are all built on the prerequisite of being male. And I think men are feeling threatened by the possible erosion of all of that, because they view that stuff as innocuous.

I was in Austin last weekend for South by Southwest and attended a live taping of Pod Save America, in which Jon Lovett said something really insightful about this supposed war on men that men feel like they’re suddenly in the middle of. (His comments were in response to a Tucker Carlson segment on Fox News in which he announced that men in America are in crisis, which is why he’s devoting the entire month of March to shining a light on their struggle. Sigh.) Anyway, what Lovett basically said was that what men are experiencing right now isn’t so much a crisis of men, but a crisis of masculinity, and that’s a really important distinction. It’s not that men, as a whole, are under attack. But what is being “attacked,” which is to say, being challenged or questioned, is the construct of masculinity, which for far too long, has gone hand in hand with being an asshole. You know the kind I mean, the insensitive, bravado-spewing, superiority-claiming, dominating, sometimes abusive or violent “hot-blooded male” men. And that is what women are coming forward and saying they’re no longer willing to allow or ignore or live with. So it’s the socially accepted concept of “masculinity” as a whole that has something to fear in the #MeToo era, not men in general.

But still, it’s freaking men out. And for men like you, who consider themselves allies, there seems to be this instinctive need—going back to the Duffer Brothers thing—to be like ‘as someone who sees both sides of the equation, and empathises with both, I feel the need to tell you that this isn’t a #MeToo thing, or a gender thing, because they’re just assholes.’ I understand the need to try to find flaws in it, or ways to disqualify it from the larger #MeToo conversation by trying to separate the gender issue from the general behaviour issue, but the point is: you can’t. One feeds into the other.

Gh: That’s a good point. But it still doesn’t entirely explain why I feel the need to make that distinction in the first place. I don’t dismiss the allegations out of hand, but it’s as though I have to test the allegations against my own sense of justice and logic before I can fully qualify them as, indeed, gender-based. I like the explanation that I’m just trying to see both sides, but that might be letting myself off too easy.

You mentioned that we feel threatened. I think it’s right, but I think the wording isn’t. The thing about male privilege is that, for the most part, we don’t feel it. It’s like wearing a thick coat in the winter. You’re warm, but you still feel cold when the wind blows. And it’s not like knowing other people are colder makes much difference. When we talk about how men feel threatened, it implies that men know what they have and they see it being taken away. I don’t think we are that self aware.

Since we’re quoting podcasts, Mike Pesca of Slate’s The Gist, made a good point about privilege a few months back. We think of it as an advantage that some people (straight white folk, mostly; straight white men, particularly) have that others don’t. Pesca made the point that privilege isn’t something extra that certain groups have. Privilege represents how things should be. For everyone.

Cops don’t typically stop me for no reason. That’s not a bonus I get for being white. That’s how cops should treat everyone. When I apply for a job, I know that my name won’t make whoever is hiring ignore my resume. And that’s how hiring is supposed to work. Basically, it’s the absence of unjust roadblocks. Some men reject the idea of privilege because they don’t feel like they’ve received special treatment. And really, they haven’t received special treatment. They just haven’t received special mistreatment. (Okay, some do receive special treatment, but I’d argue that that’s a class thing.)

PB: I would strongly disagree here. I think the reason men are having such a strong reaction to everything that’s going on right now is precisely because they know just how good they’ve had it for so long. They’ve always been the loudest, strongest, most dominant voices in any room and for the first time they’re being told to listen, to introspect, to recalibrate. Of course there’s going to be an internal struggle against the potential dissolution of the evolutionarily indoctrinated conviction of male superiority.

GH: That’s a handy narrative. It’s easier to dismiss anything a man might say if we decide that we’re all consciously trying to keep what we have like social justice misers. I can imagine Wall Street bros and alpha males being more sinister than ignorant, but not, like, my friends and family. I’m not at all saying privilege doesn’t exist, I’m saying that it’s like a mental illness. It colours your life in all sorts of ways, without you knowing. I have depression. For a long time I wouldn’t really admit that I had it though, since it never prevented me from getting out of bed. I just assumed that the way I saw the world was accurate–was in fact the way everyone should see the world, if they were honest with themselves. I didn’t even realize how broken my thinking was because the thing that I rely on to recognize stuff, was broken, too. Men don’t realize when men are the only ones talking, or when they’re interrupting or being dominating. They are acting the way they’ve been socialized to act. Moreover, they don’t understand the little ways women are knocked about and objectified, because they only know their own experiences.

So if we can for a moment assume that some men at least don’t recognize how good they have it–that their unexamined life is their life–then a lot of the talk around changing society, or about how tired we all should be of hearing from old white men, can feel unfair. Actually, even men who do realize their privilege might feel that the way this movement offhandedly dismisses them is a bit unfair. They didn’t ask to be born a white male. They aren’t intentionally taking opportunities away from other people, they’re just living their lives, semi-ignorant of how much harder things could be. And yet, white men get disparaged, and considered villains. Maybe we feel defensive, both because we didn’t do anything to have our privilege, and thus didn’t intentionally do anything to be considered bad, but also because we aren’t really welcome to talk about it. It doesn’t feel fair. #boohoo #maletears

PB: You and I both know that not all men are considered villains right? [Greg nods, electronically.] Just checking. But there does seem to be this fear among men of the #MeToo movement spinning out of control and I think that that male fear of injustice is deeply intertwined with their belief that women are too emotional or too sensitive or too vindictive to be counted on to be fair.

GH: That’s interesting! I definitely think that’s a huge part of it! Wow. I know for me personally, it’s not that I think women are vindictive or emotional. For me, my fear is more directed at the media. I think writers and commenters are so prone to outrage and so allergic to nuance, and so guided by clicks, that fairness will be lost.

With every man that is brought down, we check whether the downfall was just or not, because we’re afraid that that injustice will spread to us. I don’t mean that we’ll be accused of sexual harassment, or verbal abuse. But that, because those men are bad–and their gender plays a part in that– we will also be dismissed as inherently bad.

PB: Okay, I just had a thought. Historically, men have never felt the need for allies. But right now, because there is so much confusion regarding what’s acceptable, what’s okay, what’s bad, what’s going to get you in trouble, guys are feeling the need to reach out to each other and stick up for each other in ways they never had to before. Maybe that’s where all this newfound defensiveness on each other’s behalf is coming from.

GH: Also a good point. Certainly a part of it comes from feeling like our voices are a little unwelcome, and so the defensiveness is almost an internalized form of discussing and questioning everything that’s happening. Just to make make myself clear, when I say that White Men are are constantly disparaged, I’m not talking about when men are accused in public of misconduct. Nor do I mean that society has suddenly turned men into pariahs. Our privilege is still strong. I mean in the culture (and by that I mean, the culture of the coastal media elite urban professional blah blah blah, not like Fox News culture) has no reservation against saying things like, “we don’t need another white man to…” As I said, I’m not comparing it with the racism, sexism, transphobia or any other discrimination that has kept groups silent for too long. It is not the same. At all.

Men don’t do themselves any favours when they dismiss the experiences of others and engage in what-about-ism. We still don’t have those invisible roadblocks. But take the Tucker Carlson project you mentioned. The truth is–and I always feel dirty acknowledging this, because it feels like I’m supporting fedora-wearing, neck-bearded trolls–men as a group are facing some unique challenges that should be addressed. We commit suicide far more often than women. We die on the job way more. We use far more drugs and drink more alcohol. We die sooner, and we get sent to prison more, too.

Instead of realizing that these problems have the same root cause as women’s problems (hello patriarchy), puffy, permanently aggrieved babies like Tucker Carlson want to engage in some asinine Oppression Olympics that just makes men look pathetic and clueless. You don’t cure prostate cancer by proving ovarian cancer isn’t really as big of a deal as people claim. Just work to fucking cure cancer.

PB: Totally. There shouldn’t be a battle. Just to be clear though: there’s no element of comeuppance at play in the struggle for gender and racial equality. No one wants white men to atone, retroactively, for being the dominant actor in most situations for as long as we can remember.

GH: Agreed. But there are a lot of comments like, “Oh great, another show about white people.” Or, “Of course they got another white man to host the…” So, what I’m saying is, while that attitude is justified and the resulting diversity is good for everyone, on an individual level, it’s not unreasonable to see how a man would feel like his thoughts or work or whatever isn’t wanted.

PB: Ah I see what you’re saying! Like Seth Meyers and Jimmy Kimmel making all those jokes about awards show hosting gigs still going to straight white males even in the #MeToo era. Which sort of sets the stage for fears like “Will I, in the future, be joked and guilted right out of opportunities and discussions because I’m a straight white dude, and SWDs had it way too good for way too long and now I have to pay for it?” which leads to thoughts of “Will I, one day, be shut out of things merely because of my race or my gender?” Well congratulations dudes, you now know what it’s like to be a woman or a racial/ethnic minority or anyone from the LGBTQ community! (Let’s be real though: it’s never actually gonna happen to you guys.)

GH: Truthfully, I feel very ambivalent about this, because I agree that men have little to complain about. And it’s not like my feelings are actually hurt. But we’re at this place where men feel dismissed and they can’t talk about it without sounding like Jordan Peterson acolytes. We don’t need to make every issue about us. But if we’re unpacking why even male allies get defensive, we should acknowledge that humility doesn’t come naturally for anyone. Imagine as an immigrant someone telling you your views on Canada aren’t welcome, because it’s not YOUR country. Or actually, it would be more like if a British person who lived in India all their life (see, I’m totally pandering to you) wasn’t allowed to express their political thoughts because their motherland was a colonial horror show.

PB: That’s an interesting analogy. I’d never actually thought about it from that perspective. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, to be honest, in the grand scheme of things, but I do see how that could be frustrating for young men who, like you said, might feel disinvited before they even get to the party. Hopefully, as they get older and more mature they’ll see the bigger picture, and their place in it.

GH: And with that, we’ve fixed everything. I’m not even going to be offended that you implied I was immature. You know why? Because I’m like the maturest dude in the office. (I have very little competition.)