#not the point but me personally id find it awesome going through the effort to try emulating an artist

[vietnyamese]

unironically though a really fun interactive art gallery would be one with a bunch of contemporary art pieces where they ask you to recreate them

[morganaspendragonss]

holly's august extravaganza day 4: a friend in me

📍 anon - I don't know but I feel like Carlos and Nancy can have such an awesome best friend dynamic. Maybe something sad/scary regarding Nancy happens where she has to make a report at the precinct and Carlos doesn't tell anyone as she made him promise so he starts to just check on Nancy and they just develop this caring, supportive, beautiful, fun, full of banter friendship to the amusement of TK and the 126.

kept this separate from your original ask because i want to keep those other prompts you sent alongside this one for later 😊

ao3 | 2k | hurt/comfort, brief references to gun violence, mostly just carlos and nancy being besties

Carlos has never seen Nancy look so small.

She’s sitting hunched over in one of the interrogation rooms, shock blanket around her shoulders, hands seemingly moving of their own volition to tear the empty styrofoam cup in front of her to shreds. As soon as Carlos had seen her being escorted into the precinct, shaking like a leaf and clutching her coat like a lifeline, he’d persuaded the officer with her to let him take over the case. His association with the 126 is well known so the officer had been reluctant, but Carlos had managed to wear him down, saying that he doesn’t really know Nancy that well.

And it’s—it’s not exactly a full lie. Through their hangs and TK’s stories, he’s coming to see Nancy as a force of nature, a woman who will let nothing and no-one stand in her way, whether that’s out on the field or during a game of Monopoly. But of her personal life, Carlos knows next to nothing; she mentioned a sister a few weeks ago, and TK delights in teasing her about her growing crush on Marjan, but that’s about it.

He needs to make more of an effort, he decides. When they’re anywhere else but a police station.

Carlos knocks lightly on the door to announce his presence before entering the room, sending her what he hopes is a reassuring smile. Nancy visibly relaxes at the sight of him and she drops the remains of her cup, though Carlos doesn’t miss the continuing tremble to her hands.

“Hey Nancy,” he says, sliding into the seat opposite her. “How are you doing?”

Nancy’s lips twitch, the corners barely curving into the beginnings of a wry smile. She breathes out shakily, meeting Carlos’s eyes for the briefest second before staring back down at the table. “I’m not great,” she answers, and for her to admit to that… Well, Carlos suspects it’s not a regular occurrence.

He nods, reluctantly pulling out his notebook and pen, hesitating before flipping to the next blank page. Nancy tracks his movements, resignation clearly etched all over her features. Carlos glances at the two-way mirror—not that it does him any good—then reaches across the table to take Nancy’s hand.

“We don’t have to do this right now,” he murmurs. “If you need more time, just say the word and I’ll leave. Or if you’d prefer to talk to someone you don’t know, we can do that too. Anything you need.”

The sudden tightness of Nancy’s grip is unexpected, as is the flash of panic in her eyes.

“Please, don’t go,” she whispers. “I don’t—” She cuts herself off, shutting her eyes and breathing slowly for a few seconds. Slowly, her hold on Carlos begins to loosen until her hand is slack in his, then she draws both hands into her lap and straightens in her chair. When her eyes reopen, she seems more like the Nancy Carlos knows—strong, confident, assertive—though there’s still clearly an undercurrent of fear underneath it all.

“I’m fine. Let’s do this.”

Carlos bites back an are you sure and settles for clicking his pen, his smile unwavering. “Can you run me through what happened, exactly?” he asks. “Take your time.”

A second or two passes, then Nancy nods, her voice steady when she speaks. “I was restocking the bus at the end of shift. I was alone; Captain Vega was in her office and TK was with the others in the showers—he did try to help but he’d had to go into a fire on our last call to help a patient and the smell of smoke was giving me a headache, so I told him to go.”

Carlos pauses in his note-taking, mentally filing that last piece of information away for follow-up as soon as he sees his boyfriend again. Judging by the amused quirk to Nancy’s eyebrow, she’s fully aware of where his mind has gone, so Carlos clears his throat and motions for her to continue, forcing his thoughts back to the present.

“Like I said, I was alone. I didn’t mind it; it was kind of relaxing, you know? Then this guy appeared from nowhere and pointed a gun at me, saying if I called out or turned on the siren or anything, he’d shoot. I thought—” She inhales sharply, her knuckles going white on the tabletop and her jaw clenching tightly. Her voice sounds different when she next speaks, more controlled, as though forcing each word out. “I thought it was happening again. I thought he was going to take me somewhere, make me his personal pet paramedic, something like that.

“Turns out, he just wanted drugs. I gave him what we had on the rig and he seemed satisfied, so I figured he’d shoot me anyway ‘cause I’d seen his face, right? He didn’t—obviously—but it looked like he was considering it.” Nancy pauses and flicks her gaze up at Carlos, biting her lip. “I think he might have done it,” she admits quietly, “but he got spooked by one of the guys making noise so he just bolted. I’m not sure how long it was between that and TK coming back and finding me. I’m sorry.”

Carlos shakes his head. “It’s okay. We can check the cameras at the station. With luck, that should get us an ID, maybe a license plate if he drove. I think that’s almost everything; just one more question, if that’s okay. Can you tell me what you gave him exactly?”

Nancy nods. “Morphine, Ativan, tramadol… I’d have to check stocks for the exact amounts.”

“We’ll do that, don’t worry about it.” Carlos taps his pen on the pages before flipping his notebook shut and leaning across the table again. “Are you okay?” he asks softly. “Speaking as a friend and not a cop, if there’s anything you need, anything I can help with, let me know.”

She smiles wanly. “I’m okay. I just want to go home and forget all this ever happened.”

“Fair enough. I’ll walk you out to your car.”

Carlos half-expects her to brush him off, but she just nods and allows him to escort her back through the precinct and out to her car. He dithers awkwardly, shuffling his feet as Nancy turns to him, one hand on the door handle.

“Thank you, Carlos. For real. I have the feeling it wasn't a coincidence that you were the one in that room with me.”

The tips of Carlos’s ears go pink as he finds himself caught out. “That, uh… That would not be inaccurate.”

“Well, thanks.” She pulls open the car door and Carlos takes a step back, wanting to wait until she’s safely away to go back inside. Nancy ducks as if to get in, then pauses and straightens again, biting her lip as she looks back at him.

“Hey, Carlos?” she says. “Can you do me a favour and not tell the others? Not even TK. They— They know vaguely what happened, but I’d prefer it if the details and, uh, some of the other stuff I told you could be kept between us.”

He agrees immediately, just grateful that she trusts him enough to handle this for her. “No-one will know any more than they need to,” he promises, which seems to relieve her. She thanks him again, then gets in the car and drives away, Carlos watching after her with one hand raised in farewell.

*

It grows from there.

It’s not intentional exactly, but one text to check up on her soon turns into a steady stream of messages, stories and jokes and even the occasional meme passing back and forth between them. Carlos especially appreciated Nancy's carefully curated collection of dirt on TK, which, as a concerned boyfriend, it is his duty to know. Many a conversation has been spent griping about TK's accident prone ways or sighing over his latest mishap.

Lovingly, of course.

Nancy, 15.48: you’ll never guess what happened this time

Carlos, 16.22: ?

In answer, he receives a picture of a dejected-looking TK sprawled on the floor with Buttercup’s front paws squarely resting on his chest. Buttercup’s tongue is lolling out, a wide grin on his face, and in the background stand the rest of the crew. All of them also seem to have their phones pointed towards TK—probably the reason TK looks so down, as Carlos knows his boyfriend couldn’t be upset with Buttercup to save his life.

Nancy, 16.26: he thought he’d try to teach buttercup some tricks. turns out, dog trainers exist for a reason

Carlos has to stifle a laugh—technically, he is supposed to be working—but his attempt at being subtle is thwarted when his phone repeatedly pings with similar texts and photos from Paul, Marjan, and Mateo. He screenshots the sudden influx of notifications and sends it to Nancy before saving every single photo.

Nancy responds with a laughing emoji and a promise to keep him updated.

*

Not all of their conversations are about TK, naturally.

Carlos, 19.10: I don’t understand why you don’t just talk to her

Nancy, 19.12: i do talk to her. every shift, actually

Carlos, 19.13: Nancy

Nancy, 19.13: carlos

Nancy, 19.14: i don’t even know if she’s into women, alright? it’s not like i can just march up and ask, that’s like waving a banner saying ‘hey, i’m in love with you’ in her face

Carlos, 19.16: Oh, we’re talking about love now, are we?

Nancy, 19.17: can it, reyes

Carlos, 19.20: Noted. Look, take it from someone who’s been navigating gay relationships in Texas his whole life. Sometimes you just have to go for it. Ask her for coffee, test the waters, see where it leads. You never know, it might work out. I mean, look at me

Nancy, 19.24: wow, way to rub your happiness in my face 😑

(Carlos doesn’t find out if she follows his advice, but he does notice her and Marjan showing up to their hangs together)

(Nancy does not appreciate his smugness)

*

Without even realising, they become a formidable team. This fact is highlighted one game night about three months after the incident, when Nancy and Marjan blow into his and TK’s house, a determined glint in both their eyes.

“We’re switching up the teams,” Marjan declares, much to TK’s outrage.

“What? Why?”

“Because,” Nancy continues, “we’re tired of losing to you guys. You’re like, freakishly good at board games and it’s not fair. Plus, we have to watch you both being all lovey all the time when you’re on the same team and it’s exhausting. We want to see you being competitive for once.”

TK pouts, but Carlos just shrugs when he looks to him for backup. “It’ll be fun,” he says, smiling at Nancy and Marjan. TK still looks put out, so he leans in close and half-murmurs, “C’mon babe. How about a prize for the winner?”

TK perks up considerably at the suggestion, and, going by the twin looks of despair on Nancy and Marjan’s faces, they caught both the comment and the innuendo. Marjan groans and Nancy raises her eyes skyward, as if pleading for divine intervention.

“This was a great idea, actually,” TK says, grinning. He quirks an eyebrow at Nancy. “You and me, Nance?”

That seems to shake Nancy out of her silent prayers for strength. “Uh, no. I’m with Carlos.” To emphasise the point, she strides forward and grabs Carlos’s arm, dragging him to the couch. He nudges her gently when they sit, smirking at the disgruntled way she digs into the snack bowl.

“You did say you wanted to see us being competitive.”

“Shut up.”

*

In the end, TK ends up paired with Mateo, and Marjan with Paul. It’s clear from the outset who’s going to win—Nancy and Carlos dominate the board, and not even Paul’s master strategy is enough to catch up with them.

They win by a comfortable margin, fist-bumping in celebration. There’s a general air of bemusement in the room, and when Carlos looks round at the others, he finds four pairs of eyes fixed on them.

“What?”

“Since when have you two been such a good team?” Paul asks, leaning back in his chair and raising an eyebrow.

Carlos shrugs, sharing a smile with Nancy. “Guess we just are.”

[dangermousie]

Something Happened in Bali eps 1-2 rewatch thoughts

It's really interesting, rewatching this. God, I'd almost forgotten how much I love Jo In Sung. LOVE. I mean, I love him and his nervous energy so much that I don't even notice So Ji Sub, who normally I really like. (ide note - A Dirty Carnival was the best Korean movie I have ever seen, and what made me truly and utterly lose it for him - but it was so brutally hopeless, it made me depressed for days. Go watch!) Anyway, back to the drama. 1. I'd almost forgotten how unpleasant the two guys and Other Girl are in this, at the start. None of them are monsters (though by the end the Secondary Girl comes close, IMO, even if I end up feeling a repelled kind of pity for her) but they are all in their selfish shells - it's little things, like not helping Soo Jung with her heavy bag or treating her as an extra in their lives. Even their kindness is this thoughtless kind. It's funny because I am not sure if they change in niceness quotient that much (though both the men become much more desperately vulnerable, especially Jae Min) but I guess I get to know them so well and their reasons for being the way they are, I sort of end up not caring - I end up adoring Jae Min as a character, especially, so much. Even if he is the biggest trainwreck I have ever seen as a kdrama lead in my 15+ years of watching kdramas. 2. Soo Jung. I adore her. You could see how annoyed she is she is dealing with the tour group from hell (the other 3) but the way she pushes and carries on is WONDERFUL. So is her drunken camaraderie with Jae Min. She is in another universe from the poised, iced, controlled Young Joo. But it's interesting, she seems so (relatively) well-adjusted compared to the rest of them but as the drama unfolds, you see that this hard-earned cheerfulness is a facade and she is very broken too - between her and Jae Min, I am not sure, which one is more screwed-up. For him, it's his family, but for her, it's her poverty that has made her so. Ha Ji Won SLAYS in this role (so do the rest of the cast, of course.) She’s rough, she’s desperate, she’s grasping, she’s vulnerable, she’s irresistible - in other hands you would never get how two screwed-up, closed-off men would fall so desperately for someone so greedy, so grasping, so flawed - but here you are drawn to her vividness, to her joy, to her intensity, to her unique combo of sunshine and extreme damage. 3. You know, there are hints about her screwed-upness even this early on - the scene where Jae Min offers her $$$ for a one-night stand and she calls him a jerk (and you see by his reaction he doesn't even understand that what he said was insulting - he is puzzled. In his world, everything can be bought and sold, and there is no such thing as affection.) and then asks whether he is going to pay before or after. In her world, there is no room for the grand gesture, for throwing money in his face. She leaves only because he kicks her out (giving her money but not doing anything) telling her to buy her new shoes (hers are broken) and saying "it's not fun any more" (the first of many instances she really throws him off any usual ways he deals with things). And then she trips on her broken heels walking out, sprawling in the lobby, inelegantly grabbing and picking up money. 4. One of the biggest delights of this rewatch for me is contrasting in my head the way Jae Min is going to be with her later - utterly desperate and "brought down" and willing to beg and beg and beg, and the way he is now - emotionally detached, with all the 'power' on his side - I mean, contrast his propositioning her for that one-night stand and the scene where they finally make love, a dozen eps from now. Though she is totally rattling him even now - I love the scene where he first truly notices her - seeing her in the parking lot trying to fix her shoes, eating, and drinking. She is just so REAL and alive and immediate. No wonder he's caught (and then quickly looks away). 5. Jae Min's father needs to die in a fire after being slowly cut with a myriad of razors - the scene in his office in ep 2 where he is practicing golf in his office and Jae Min flinches any time the golf club is in his vicinity, and almost stutters, just - RAGE. Increased 1000x by what I know he does later. But I confess to being amused in the scene where he is throwing things at Jae Min during the board meeting and a flunkie keeps moving things up to him to throw - folders, bottle of water, so he won't run out of things - a definition of a brown-noser.

6. I love how oddly real this drama feels in its filming - people are not glamorized within an inch of their lives and there is no glossiness, no studied detachment, no appeal to coolness or w/e. It is what it is and it knows it. God, I love this drama!

7. (The below is spoilery for the whole thing) Bali has the distinction of having the most dysfunctional couple I have ever shipped. Years of therapy were needed for those two. Yes, my OTP was Jae Min/Soo Jung, despite the fact that the otp's end was murder/suicide. I don't care, I still shipped them - the ending of the drama is one of my favorite drama moments, in actuality - Jae Min becoming more and more unhinged because of his nightmarish family and then finally he believes Soo Jung just played him in order to scam money and ruin his family with her lover. He tracks them down to Bali and finds them in bed. Ironically, Soo Jung has just finished telling her lover that she wants to leave him and go back to Korea to look for Jae Min because it's him she wants. Jae Min, of course, does not hear her (and he is so catatonic at that point, I doubt it would have registered if he did hear). So he shoots her and her lover dead as they lie there. But while her lover is dead asap, Soo Jung has time to look at Jae Min and tell him 'saranghae' which is about the most awesome thing ever - she has never ever told him she loved him before, not through all his efforts to win her heart, not even when they made love. And now she is telling him as she is dying, because it's important to her for him to know before she dies - there are no games or conditions. And of course, Jae Min snapped out of it as soon as he shot and he is falling apart as is and then he hears her tell him she loves him and his face - oh my God. And he goes outside and kills himself and I sit there bawling and hoping his horrific family all have collective heart attacks and die.

Yes. I ship THAT. I don't care what it makes me. The drama makes no bones that Jae Min is beyond messed up - I am kinda amazed he is walking and talking, to be honest. His father wins the incontrovertible award for the worst kdrama father ever and if you know kdramas you know what a feat that is. The scene where Jae Min is on his knees in front of his father, weeping and begging to be allowed to have Soo Jung and his father beats him half into unconsciousness and then tells him it's Soo Jung's fault and he will go after her next and make her disappear and Jae Min is left pleading that he did not mean it and it's not Soo Jung's fault and he misunderstood? FLAMES. FLAMES WHEN I JUST THINK ABOUT IT. So his love for Soo Jung is no help - I don't think any woman could have 'fixed' him, and certainly the hugely messed-up despite her sunny demeanor Soo Jung, with her own major issues and fragility, was about the last person to do so. However, even if they could have worked out their happiness, with the help of some really high-priced therapy, his family made it impossible - in fact they turned the screws on even worse, not caring that their actions were plainly driving him into nonfunctionality land. But then - how else could it end with all the destruction and damage and desperation on both sides and his having no experience with any expression of love that was not entangled with violence. And in context of fiction, the OTP that has the potential for helping each other but dooms each other instead is my jam SO MUCH!

[worldsfirstgayknife]

HI YES I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT KNICKLE

christmas present to myself; infodumping about knickle

OK SO first of all their surface level dynamic of 'two gamer bros, one is grumpy and one is goofy' is already excellent. i can make so many gamer jokes. i can make so many bro jokes. its amazing.

but their FULL dynamic makes me go bonkers and become gay. 'two bros. one is an emotionally repressed jerk with a secret soft side thats trying to better himself. the other is a goofy and ditzy gamer whos mellowed out due to a traumatic experience and is trying to recover. the jerk cares about the gamer to a degree he hasn't shown to any other character on the show, and the gamer, due to the advice given to him by the jerk, has been able to make an effort towards moving on from his old friend that sent him into a depressive spiral. they also play video games together' like THATS SO GOOD *passes out*

i started liking knickle before episode 13 + 14 came out when the only meaningful connection they'd really had was the scene from episode 7. it was mostly me being like "knife was nice to him and seemed to genuinely care about helping him even though he usually doesn't do that. kinda gay ngl." which was pretty awesome of me. but now that knife berated taco about abandoning pickle and asked mic to say hi to pickle on his behalf... that scene was definitely not a one off thing of him doing a random act of kindness. he cares about the pickle and still thinks about him.

AND IT MAKES SENSE THAT HE DOES!! knife is the most critical of the show and takes the most note of the way that it affects people. and pickle is arguably the character that has undeservedly been hurt the most by the show. knife is like you deserve better than the world has given you bro. i love you bro. but even besides knowing and caring about what pickles going thru, given that they hung out together inbetween seasons and that he wanted to say hi to him, knife seems to just. genuinely like pickle and enjoy his company. which is probably more reason why he would care about helping him out. cries.

so besides the fact that knife genuinely cares about and wants to help pickle, he's also benefited from being so willing to do so. the episode 7 scene was the first time in the show he had extended kindness to anyone, and in the two other notable times he's extended kindness and given advice to people... id argue its because they reminded him of pickle?

my friend rib did a sick knife analysis which kinda goes over this but like. knife notices suitcase distressed over the way shes been treated by her alliance. kinda like pickle. and its even more more obvious with mic, he's more adamant about mic getting out of the alliance because he knows what SPECIFICALLY taco did to her last alliance member, and doesn't want her to do that again. but he can never seem to be as genuine as when he gave more direct advice (albeit as a metaphor) to pickle. his advice to suitcase is very vague (wtf does make your presence known even MEAN bro) and their conversation is more him pointing out the behavior of the alliance that he thought was apparent. and with mic, he sees his efforts as favors, and a combination of spiting taco and keeping mic from going thru what pickle did. pickle is where knife's advice character arc started, and pickle is where it's presumably ended (is that what you said to pickle, say hi to pickle for me). pickle makes knife want to be a better person. cries again.

and though theres less to say and analyze since he hasnt. had any frickign lines for 6 years (im so excited for letters to get a comic dub you have no idea), pickle has benefited from knife being there for him and giving him helpful advice. he replaced the photo of him and taco and has been more willing to forgive and trust, like with balloon, and if not for knife, there's... no telling if anyone would've noticed what he was going through and tried to help him, or if he'd be willing to open up to OJ after the events of episode 7 kept him from doing so. which makes me so frickin sad man.

and this is jsut me projecting and being soft. but. the thought of, after all the shit he went through on and after the show, after being pushed aside by everyone, pickle getting to be with someone that changed for the better and cares about him from a place of genuine compassion? as opposed to taco, who changed for the worse and only pretended to care about him for her own gain? holy moly im gay. pickle deserves a happy ending after being treated so badly, and knife deserves one too. and i think it would be so sweet if a happy ending for them meant they'd have it together.

THIS IS MOSTLY JSUT MY DUMB THOUGHTS ON THE CONTENT IN THE SHOW rather than like. headcanons like a normal person. oh god. basically despite them being apart they care about each other, make each other better people, and their relationship makes for plenty of fun and comedy as well as a lot of tenderness and mutual love + support.

also ive honestly? kinda come to terms with it maybe being harder to get into knickle due to the lack of content in the show. and its definitely my favorite partially because i love overanalyzing stuff and take a lot away from things that are implied or subtext. which is also partially why i love pickle, hes has a lot of cool emotional stuff goin on that hasn't really been explored and i find a lot of joy in thinkin about him!! anyways if you read all of this i am so sorry

[percywinchester27]

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-3)

Word count: 3.8K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: Some angst, some fluff, mention of depression

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23​​ I love you, Athina <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

Monday morning rose brighter than it had a right to be; to the point that the sun was stabbing you in the eyes. You had been over and over the plan in your head throughout the weekend. By now, you were absolutely sure that you had mapped every second of the day and nothing could go out of hand.

The plan went sideways almost as soon as it started.

You dropped your bag at the threshold of the lecture room with a loud crash. All of the last row turned to look at who was that much of a klutz. You did not meet anyone’s eye as you took a seat at the very end of the top row. Maybe that would make you inconspicuous.

It did not.

“Y/N!”

Madison slid next to you on the bench, followed by her brood of friends. Lacey and the other two, whose names you didn’t remember.

“How are you, Sweetie?” Madison asked sympathetically. “You looked awfully ill when you left the other day. We were so worried about you! Weren’t we, Mer?”

Meredith- you remembered her name now- did not look worried in the least.

“What happened?” Madison asked.

“I was just really faint,” you answered automatically, having anticipated this. “I’m feeling much better now. Thank you so much.”

Madison looked relieved. “I’m so glad, Y/N. I wanted to check on you over the weekend, but I didn’t have your number or knew where you lived. You have to give me your number right away.”

You did, and she texted you immediately.

“Awesome!” she said. “Now you have my number, too.”

You tried to smile. “Hey, if it’s not too much, could you tell me what I missed in the two days?”

Madison became animated instantly. “Well, lets see. After you left, there was advanced legal writing by professor Mills, then Supreme Court Litigation by Professor Mcleod and Organisation and transactions law after that. Most of Friday was free except for another lecture by Professor Mills. I have the notes. Once you put your email id on the class database, I’ll forward mine to you.”

“That’s seriously more than I can ask from you,” you said, feeling small. 

She placed her hand on top of yours. “You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

“Thank you!” You said, looking down.

Madison huffed. “You thank me too much, Y/N! Besides, you really didn’t miss any of the fun.”

“What do you mean?”

“Professor Winchester didn’t show up either,” Lacey giggled. “Didn’t we turn up fifteen minutes early for his class on Thursday? And the man never came.”

Your stomach lurched, a feeling you hadn’t quite experienced in years had you feeling lightheaded. 

“Well, he didn’t completely disappear,” said the blonde. “He did turn up for the last half an hour of his lecture on Friday and outlined the syllabus of the semester.”

“He looked stiff and serious. Nothing like his first day here. And even that day he stormed off, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Madison nodded. “Right after you left, Y/N. It was a bit weird.”

You swallowed nervously, your forehead already clammed up. What was it? Was it fear or worry that you felt for Sam? You had been so wrapped up in your chaos that you hadn’t stopped to consider about Sam, assuming that he must have grown passive and wouldn’t care about the past anymore.

Sam had looked warm and at ease with himself that day, happy even, while you had only survived all these years. You’d be lying to yourself, if you said that the image of Sam on the podium, smiling at the students hadn’t felt like a knife in your gut.

But if he had not turned up for classes either… did that mean….

There was noise at the front and you saw Sam on the podium. He looked every bit as dressed up and neat as he had on your first day, if not a bit more severe. 

He greeted the class curtly, and instantly jumped to the lesson. You tried not to stare, but it was hard to look away. It was harder still to keep looking. His features seemed more angular now, and he was definitely leaner than when you had first set your eyes on him. Today he was dressed in a dark grey suit and no tie, the button at his throat was undone.

He spoke for an hour about the merger of disputes and cases where it had benefited the original plaintiffs and not once did his eyes stray towards the corner of the class where you sat. It was as if he was deliberately avoiding that very portion of the classroom. He wasn’t genial today. A good teacher, just like he always had been, but absolutely formal. When the class ended, he retrieved the attendance sheet from a kid in the first row and exited the class.

“Well, that was quite intense,” whooshed Meredith. “Hadn’t pegged him for the serious sort.”

Blonde hair giggled at the double entendre, and you almost gagged. 

“He’s actually quite good,” Madison murmured, uncharacteristically serious. “He knows what he is talking about.”

Absentmindedly, you nodded. Not that you had paid much attention to the lecture, what with your heart struck in your throat.

The classes that followed weren’t as eventful as the morning and you were more than grateful about it. The other professors all seemed so knowledgeable and expert. You had enough on your mind by the time you left the university, your plate already full of assignments.

When you got home, Meg was sprawled on one of the two sofas that came with the house and were perched in the living room.

“Hey,” you said tentatively.

Meg raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised that you were initiating a conversation after a whole week of thoroughly avoiding her. 

“Hey,” she said. 

You placed your bad and laptop on the side table at the entrance and went to sit on the empty sofa. “I’m sorry about not greeting you earlier… I was going through some stuff.”

“Clearly,” she snorted.

The hurt must have shown in your eyes, because she straightened up into a sitting position.. “I’m not offended,” she said. “Locking myself in my room and avoiding human contact like it’s the fucking plague is my monthly PMS schedule. I’m not mad or anything.”

“Oh, alright,” you breathed out.

Meg looked amused. “Your face is like an open book,” she said. “If you keep that up, you’re going to be a terrible lawyer.”

You didn’t fight her on it. It was a problem… it always had been. Over the years mostly it had been a blank and your boss had commented on your excellent poker face… but clearly even the dumb expressive face was back with all the feelings.

“I don’t know what you’re studying,” you changed the topic.

“MS, Applied physics.”

“Damn. That sounds hard.”

Meg chuckled. “You really think that, don’t you? You look terrified.”

You rearranged your expression into what was just polite interest. Enough with Meg’s expert face reading class.

“You wanna grab dinner?” Meg asked.

“Sure,” you said. “What’re we doing?”

“I made some stir fry. I didn’t know if you’d be up for dinner, though.”

You felt terrible about skipping the meals and in turn her company over the past week. 

“No worries,” she said, getting up. “I’ll just toss some pasta and we’re good to go.”

“Hey, Meg?” You asked, “I see you’ve stocked up the pantry. It’s incredibly kind of you. I might drive to the supermarket tomorrow after classes, why don’t you let me know if there’s anything you want.”

She looked at you with some surprise and a hint of actual liking. “Sure. We can make a list over food.”

“Great,” you smiled.

The rest of the week passed without any more surprises, and you took your time to settle in… getting to know Stanford- both, the University and the town. You attended all lectures regularly and gave your hundred percent effort to every assignment.

In classes, you listened with utmost concentration… all except one. Civil Procedure wasn’t a lecture, it was slow seething torture. Watching Sam talk on the podium, interacting with students simply made it hard to breathe. The walls of the lecture room converged in on you while you gasped for air. On Sam’s part, he ignored you completely. It was as if you didn’t exist at all. Over the course of the week, his stiff, formal stance loosened and you could see more and more of the guy who had introduced himself on the first day. You didn’t know what you had been expecting from him? That one day he would suddenly look at you with hatred and throw you out of the class? That he’d lose his mind and yell at you? Ask you the questions that you didn’t want to answer?

But even for all that, he’d have to acknowledge your presence. Look at you. Somehow the ignoring and pretending that you didn’t exist was so, so much worse. It was killing you. Every second of the class, you fought your tears. However, you did not miss a single class. 

Apart from those two hours everyday, you were doing well, all things considered. On Thursday, you packed more food than just your lunch, and after classes, walked to the Green Library. It was just as breathtaking as it had been on the first day. You set out to find that one table that felt right. After a quarter of an hour of testing and teasing, you finally found a desk that looked oh so inviting. It wasn’t the one below the tall, arching windows, but rather a small desk niched between the bookshelves. It was perfect.

You unloaded your bag, and set to work with the assignments that had been set for the class by Professor Mills. You personally thought Jody Mills was a total badass. She took up cases that others were too scared to touch. Her assignments didn’t require you to reference too many books, so you could make yourself comfortable in the chair. Your mind wandered as the time passed. There were a lot of things to be thought through. For starters, if you had to afford living here, you needed a job. Your savings would last a couple of months at most.  The expense of moving across the country then having to pay for the lease of the apartment had taken a massive toll on your bank account. By the time holiday season began, you’d be as broke as the china in your grandma’s old cabinet.

Earlier, you had put in an application at the Student’s employment centre for oncampus jobs. You weren’t hopeful, given the number of applications they received, but you sure meant to check in on them next week in hopes that something suitable might have come up.

It was past 8 in the evening when you finally wrapped your stuff up, somewhat satisfied with how your assignment had turned out. You lowkey congratulated yourself on finishing it a week before the deadline as you made your way back home, crashing the minute you found your bed.

********************

18th July 2008

“Y/N! There’s someone here to see you!” Jo hollered from somewhere in the living room.

Thankfully the door to the room you were sharing with Jo was open.

“Coming!” You yelled back, wondering who could it possibly be. Maybe it was the postman with your grandma’s letter. She was a weird old lady who still loved writing handwritten letters. Gramps had been to the war and their love story had blossomed over letters sent across borders. Even though gramps had passed away many years ago, she still got that rosy look on her face whenever she talked of him. You wanted a love story like hers. Was it too much to ask for?

You made your way down the steps two at a time, excited for the letter. Maybe she had sent cookies along with it. Oh, how you loved her.

On the bottom step, you stopped. Sam Winchester was standing in the hallway, one hand balancing a lot of books, the other scratching the back of his neck, looking adorable in old jeans and an open button up over his t-shirt.

“Hey!” He said.

You were wearing a loose shirt without a bra over a pair of boy shorts, with hair falling over your shoulders. Needless to say, you were mortified. 

“Give me two minutes,” you muttered and rushed back upstairs. 

As you were pulling on a pair of leggings, it occurred to you how dumb the interaction had been. He was here to see you and neither had you invited him in nor asked him why he was here.

To add to your embarrassment, when you returned downstairs, he was still standing at the bottom of the stairs five minutes later, exactly where you had left him.

“Why’re you still standing here? Please come in!” You urged, scandalised that you had kept a guest waiting like that. Gran would have tutted so hard had she been here.

Sam followed you into the living room. Jo was lounging on the smaller sofa chain and you glared at her. She could have easily invited him in when she opened the door.

But no! How else would Y/N suffer in life?

Jo gave you the evil grin and waved to Sam. 

“Would you like something to drink?” You asked, not meeting his eyes.

“I’ll have coffee!” Jo ordered and you threw her the stink eye again. 

You gave Sam a chagrined look. “I’ll put the pot on the stove for her anyway. Do you want coffee?”

He looked like he was trying very hard to smile. “Black please. With half a spoon of sugar.”

You tried to calm your nerves as the pot boiled. Being a nervous wreck wasn’t going to help your case.

When you brought the two mugs of coffee outside, Sam was reading one of the books he had bought along and Jo was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Jo?” You asked, carefully placing the steaming mug before him on the table.

Sam shrugged. “She said she suddenly felt sleepy. And that you should drink her coffee because you both like it the same way.”

Oh, that sly girl.

“So, what brings you here?” You asked, taking a seat next to him on the sofa.

Sam smiled shyly. “You said you could use a second pair of eyes for the application.”

He had come all the way from wherever he stayed just to help you with the applications? 

“Really?” 

“Sure.” He tilted his head, the bangs on his forehead sliding to one side. He just had such beautiful hazel eyes. You have to avert your gaze so you wouldn’t just blatantly stare at him.

You excused yourself a second time and pulled out all your application stuff. Forms, copies of essays, documents and everything. It would be absolutely stupid to not make the most of this opportunity. 

Sam took his time with all of it, going through each paper carefully and you counted your breaths to keep away the anxiety. At least he wasn’t laughing at how ridiculous your applications were. That was something. When he was done, he slowly put the papers down and looked up at you.

“Where else have you applied?” He asked.

You told him.

“You didn’t think of applying to any major universities?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t think I had a chance… and I don’t even think I was cut out for those.”

Sam reached out to place his hand on top of yours. A tingling sensation went up your spine. “Y/N! This looks great. Your essays are top notch. You should apply to Ivy Leagues.”

“I’ve already missed deadlines for them… and there are some good universities on my list as well.”

“But you deserve better!” He insisted.

You shrugged. “I don’t have that sort of money, and before you say scholarships, I don’t have those types of recommendations either. I come from a small town. People who are born there, spend their whole lives in the same house. They are happy with what they have.”

“Are you happy with what you have?” He asked, the light from the setting sun hitting his face, illuminating those eyes so they looked like burning topaz.

“I’m happy,” you said, looking at your lap where his hand rested on yours. He seemed to have forgotten about it. “But I know I can do better… for myself and my Gran.”

You made the mistake of looking up then… into his eyes, and they were closer than you had expected them to be. As if, he had no control over it, his hand reached out to touch your hair, the fingertips caressing your cheek on their way there. Slowly, but surely, he drew your face towards his… and you went, willingly. His lips had barely grazed yours when there was a loud noise in the hallway.

You sprang apart. 

“Y/N!” It was Jo.

Ordinarily, you’d have flicked your tongue at her or something for interrupting like that. Afterall, she was the one who kept egging on you to get lucky, and the one time you had… that too with Sam frigging Winchester, she had to come barging into the room. Uhgg… Jo was going to get it.

But her face was completely white, and her hand, which was holding the phone, was shaking.

“Y/N,” she whispered again. Your neighbour called. It's your grandma… she passed away last night. 

********************

You woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of the blaring alarm.

Gran!

The worry felt so fresh, you had to remind yourself that it had been seven years since she had passed away. Grief was peculiar like that… even after years and years of feeling it, some days it just felt fresh and new. Sad memories opened up the box of more memories, not all of them sad. The thought of gran was always accompanied by a warm feeling and memory of sunlit kitchen, and freshly baked bread.

This… dream or whatever it was had triggered more than just that… you could almost feel the whisper of Sam’s lips on yours. You had suppressed it so long that the feeling was almost forgotten now and how it ached knowing that you would never feel it again. The raw, desperate part of you tried to cling on to that feeling, the memory of his touch. It was three in the night, no one could blame you for wanting this comfort of your own memories. As painful as they were when you were completely in your senses, in this darkness, they were all yours to do what you pleased with them. However, like a dream, the memories kept evading your grasp. The more you tried to hold on it, the further away it slipped. Sleep eluded you completely after that.

Needless to say, you were tired and sleepy and irritated by the time the last lecture for the week commenced. You hadn’t memorised the lecture schedule yet…. you only knew when the Civil Procedure class was. First lecture on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and the last lecture of Thursday and Friday. Lacey had mentioned something about Sam having to travel to the City for work on the first three days. 

Sam was dressed more informally today. He was without a coat and glasses, hair just a little out of order… less sleek.

“Oooohhh looks like the professor had a rough night!” Lacey giggled.

“You don’t know that,” Madison shushed. “Maybe he’s single.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Lacey rolled her eyes. “He lives in the faculty residence on Alverado row. And his house is definitely a family house, not a bachelors pad… So that means he at least has a woman.”

You caught your breath. Alverado row was right behind your Santa Ynes street, where you lived. Literally right behind, less than a block away. You knew a majority senior faculty staff resided there, but it had never crossed your mind...

“I don’t see no ring,” snarked Rebecca, Madison's blonde friend, who was sitting a row ahead of you to the left.

You quickly looked. She was right… there was no ring. Your heart skipped a beat.

“Doesn’t have to be a wife,” Lacey made a face. “Could be just a girlfriend.”

“Whatever,” Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t mean we can’t try our luck.”

It stung, listening to them talk about it stung more than you wanted to admit even to yourself.

“Before we start today's lesson, I have a question for you,” Sam said, calling everyone’s attention and the gossip promptly stopped.

“Basic Property damage,” he said. “The plaintiff has proved beyond a shadow of doubt that the defendant is liable. The only issue of debate which remains is the amount of damages to be recovered. Before the last hearing, new evidence comes to light about a completely unrelated matter where the plaintiff has unintentionally harmed the defendant. If you were playing the part of the DA, what would be your obvious course of action.”

‘Settlement’ you muttered to yourself, just loud enough for the few people around you to hear.

“Anyone?” Sam asked, and on cue, Rebecca raised her hand.

“Settlement!” She called out.

“That’s correct,” Sam said, “It should occur to you faster than lightning to draw out a settlement. Good job there. That was quick.”

Next to her, Madison was looking at her friend incredulously. Then she turned around and gave you a sorry look. The boy sitting on her opposite side, the blond one, who had snickered at you on the first day also raised an eyebrow.

You didn’t care one way or another if Rebecca got the praise for your answer. You were simply relieved that you got that answer right… and that you were able to concentrate in the class better than you had been able to uptil now.

Perhaps that was the reason that it caught your attention, the quickest flick of Sam’s chin in your direction, before he stiffly averted his gaze. When the class ended, few students rushed to Sam’s desk, while you made to leave the room.

“Hey!”

You turned to see the blond dude standing right next to you.

“Y/N, isn’t it?” He asked.

You nodded.

“Brad,” he offered his hand. “Brad Rowan.”

“Nice to meet you.” you murmured, shaking his hand whilst glancing at the door. 

“So, we have a party tomorrow evening,” he said, grinning with too much confidence. “Down at the western dorms. Everyone cool is coming. You should, too.”

“Thank you,” you said politely. “But I already have plans for the weekend.”

“Better than spending time with me?” He winked, stepping ever so slightly in front of you.

You were firm this time. “Yes.”

“Oh, let her be, Brad.” It was Madison, who had come sauntering down the aisle. “If she says she’s busy, she probably is. We’ll miss you, Y/N!”

You threw her a grateful look… Madison didn’t seem to catch it.

You said your goodbyes to her and Brad and left the room quickly.

Maybe it was your imagination, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sam’s gaze flicker towards you… if only for one moment.

********************  

A/N 2: The next chapter is Sam’s POV ;) So we’ll finally know what’s up with him, huh ;)

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[taste-in-music]

taste-in-music’s Year End Wrap-Up

Hello everybody! We’ve finally reached the end of 2020. While I’m glad to leave this miserable year behind, one of things that undeniably got me through it was the vast amount of awesome music we got. In past years I’ve made favorite album and EP lists, but this time around I’m going to tackle them all in one go, giving reviews on the projects that had some significances to me over the course of the year. I’m going to make a post for my favorite songs too, so keep an eye out for that in coming days. Now, without further ado, let’s get started, shall we?

folklore by Taylor Swift: This was an incredible year of growth for Taylor Swift. As much as I’ve enjoyed her past music, the way she constantly felt the need to address what people thought of her always irked me, (though after watching her documentary, I do understand why she did it.) It wasn’t Taylor Swift the public persona that was most interesting, I thought. It was Taylor Swift the artist, the songwriter, the storyteller. What I wanted was an album focused on that. This year, I got one, (well... more on that later,) and it’s my favorite project she’s ever done. The tales Swift spins on folklore span across love triangles, heiresses, and battlefields, and she nails each and every one. While the chilly indie-folk influence from the likes of Aaron Dessner and Justin Vernon is prominent, Swift’s warmth and charisma always cuts through the fog like a beam of sunlight. So yeah, this is my undeniable album of the year.

Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple: I only started listening to Fiona Apple last year and had thoroughly enjoyed her music, but this album cemented her as one of my favorite songwriters and performers of all time. Everything about Fetch The Bolt Cutters is so idiosyncratic yet fits together in just the right way, like watching an entire house being dropped from the sky and falling perfectly into place. It is a testament to the creative process, emotional honesty, and breaking free from all the cages you may find yourself in, whether they be societal, personal, or those of your own making. And in a year that was so isolating, it felt like Apple was whispering everything I needed to hear right into my ear, just when I needed it. In short, my boltcutters have been motherfucking fetched. 

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers: When Punisher was announced, I had no clue how Phoebe Bridgers would match the quality of Stranger In The Alps. Upon first listen, I wasn’t sure she had. By the fifteenth time I was listening to this album and every lyric was hitting like Cupid’s arrow to the jugular, I knew she’d surpassed it. Punisher presents a sonic scope that both comforts and crushes all at once, like with the upbeat yet mournful horns on “Kyoto” or the cathartic swell on standout “I Know The End.” In my opinion, Bridgers is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation in the making, and I can’t wait to see what the future brings for her. She may know the end, but she’s far from it. 

SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama: This is the album I see becoming a new shorthand for the true potential of pop excellence, a cult hit that never got its time to shine but is beloved by pop music geeks to the ends of the earth, like EMOTION by Carly Rae Jepsen. SAWAYAMA so effortlessly blends diverse genres and influences like disco, nu metal, and arena rock, and it yet it remains cohesive due to Rina Sawayama’s sheer strength as a performer. She deserves a spot on the pop girlie hierarchy, and one near the top. 

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa: I really enjoyed Dua Lipa’s debut album, but even I didn’t expect her to come through with such a fully realized, consistent, downright fantastic follow up. Future Nostalgia is a pop album that feels studied, like Lipa did her research of pop’s past as she made it. The result is an album that synthesizes several different sounds under her vision, one that is always trained ahead, and it simply slaps. In a perfect world, nearly every song on this album got spun off into a hit single. 

evermore by Taylor Swift: 2020 was already my year of listening to Taylor Swift, (I went through her whole discography, cultivated a favorites playlist, and at the end of the year I was in the top 2% of her yearly Spotify listeners.) evermore was a lovely cherry to top it all off. While folklore enchanted me with its stories, evermore captivated me with its melodies. I haven’t been able to get snippets of this album out. of. my. head. for weeks now. It’s a bit less consistent than it’s older sister, (and likely to live in its shadow,) but there is still so much to love. 

I’m Allergic to Dogs! by Remi Wolf: This EP is so much goddamn fun. It’s a blend of many different sounds, indie pop, electronic, maybe hip hop, I think reggae at points? It’s such a colorful, textured, quirky listen bristling with energy and undeniable hooks. “Woo!” conquered my Summer, and months later the bridge of “Photo ID” conquered TikTok. Keep your eye out for Remi Wolf in the coming year, she’s going to make a big splash. 

Good At Being Young by Charli Adams: Good At Being Young was the first EP this year that I could not get enough of. It drifts through dreamy indie-pop sounds, with melancholic guitars and cloudy synths, and Adams has a deep vocal timbre that delivers tales of adolescent tribulations with just the right amount of wistfulness. Overall, it builds the perfect soundscape for a late-night drive.

Cape God by Allie X: Allie X has been keeping us FED with content. It seems like only yesterday that Super Sunset came out, and yet her output remains impressively consistent. This album has impressive highs, some lower moments, but the danceability, duets, and enticing darkness under its shiny pop veneer make it a record you won’t want to skip. 

La vita nuova by Christine and The Queens: Perhaps the biggest flex of 2020 was Christine and The Queens dropping a fantastic EP and accompanying short film right out of the gate. The grooves on this are infectious, wiry, and air-tight, (the Caroline Polachek feature was another added bonus,) but that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of emotional weight too. 

Lighter by Donna Missal: This was one of my most anticipated albums of the year, and it’s hard to determine whether it disappointed or not. I think the only thing holding Lighter back is that This Time was such a formative album for me, (my favorite of 2018, to the uninitiated.) In fact, this album flows way better than This Time, more cohesive with its storytelling and more consistent in folk-rock sound. And, of course, Donna Missal’s vocals stun on both the bangers and the ballads. 

SURF by BLACKSTARKIDS: There was no record this year that was more instantly likeable than this one. The blend of low-fi indie pop and hip hop makes for a whirlwind of sunny fun and youthful malaise that would make the perfect soundtrack for a road trip to the beach. Standouts include the opening track “SOUNDS LIKE FUN,” the chill “WIGS,” and blissful title track “MUSIC TO SURF TO.”

The Baby by Samia: I’ve had my eye on Samia since “Milk” dropped years ago. Seeing her live sparked my belief that she was an indie darling in the making, and The Baby confirmed that she definitely was. The lyrics on this album mix quiet contemplation with just enough sardonic wit and raw emotion throughout a varied selection of sunny rock bops and gut wrenching ballads. If you enjoyed Punisher, then I can’t recommend this enough.

Season 2 by Nasty Cherry: Nasty Cherry is a group that I will not stop rooting for. Their EP from last year showed their potential for nailing monster hooks, but this sophomore effort shows just how versatile they can be. This EP covers everything from Dylan Brady produced hyperpop to early-2000s reminiscent pop rock to emotional balladry, and they pull it all off flawlessly. 

A Little Rhythm and a Wicked Feeling by Magdalena Bay: This album became a fast favorite way late in the year, there is such a sweetness to Magdalena Bay’s music that makes it stick in your brain like a piece of blue raspberry bubblegum. This EP is spacey, catchy, and filled with electronic synthpop mastery, with countless catchy hooks that’ll make you feel like drifting and dancing all at once.

Miss Anthropocene by Grimes: The bubblegum bombast of Art Angels fully redefined my taste in pop years ago, so I was fascinated to see how Grimes would follow it up. On Miss Anthropocene, she leans into darker, more industrial textures, but also anchors it back to Earth with acoustic touches and some of her most introspective lyrics to date. Grimes painted a version of a world on the brink of disaster on this album, a picture that was hypnotically beautiful. And in a year where the word was a certified disaster, that was strangely comforting.

Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus: I’ve been wanting Miley to go rock for so goddamn long, Plastic Hearts was bound to make this list by pure validation alone. But what can I say? This breed of glossy 80s rock suits Cyrus’s rougher voice so well! I hope she stays in this lane a bit longer, but as we know, she’s one of pop’s most chameleonic figures. Only time will tell. 

Where Does The Devil Hide by Zella Day: I have been patiently awaiting new Zella Day music ever since getting hooked on Kicker back in 2017, so this was one of my most anticipated releases of the year. This EP sounds nothing like Kicker, and I couldn’t be happier. It shows Day leaning even more into her influences from the past, (the 60s/70s vibes are intense with this one,) but also breathing a refreshing new life into them. 

SOUL LADY by Yukika: When I imagine the ideal of pop music, what it would sound like in a perfect world, this is what it sounds like. SOUL LADY is full of pristine, glossy production and catchy hooks that feel like they’ve come down from the clouds. I’ll admit that I can have trouble forming a connection with music when I don’t understand the lyrics, (it’s something I’m working on,) but this album cleared that hurdle with ease. If you’re curious about city pop or K-pop this is a great place to start. 

Heaven Is Without You by Love You Later: Give me lush pop production and heartbroken lyrics finished off with a heaping helping of nostalgia and I’ll eat it up with a spoon. Love You Later has been feeding my addiction to this genre for years, and this latest helping is particularly sweet. 

IN A DREAM by Troye Sivan: Troye Sivan has always supplied the bops, but it was about time that he started experimenting with his sound a little bit more. This EP offers some harder-hitting electronic textures, but also the addictive hooks that’ll keep you coming back for more.

Ungodly Hour by Chloe X Halle: These women are so TALENTED! If there is any word I’d use to describe this album it would be “effortless,” the harmonies, grooves, and chemistry between Chloe and Halle feels so natural and free-flowing. Charisma just rolls off of them in droves, I see full-blown stardom and several Grammys in their future.

Watching You by Robinson: This EP was one of the first on this list to arrive this year, and it still hits months later. Robinson’s confessional lyrics work wonders over the buoyant pop grooves, and “Don’t Say” remains one of the best pop songs of recent years. 

Manic by Halsey: I respect Halsey for dipping her toes into a myriad of different genres, (synth pop, rock, hip hop, and acoustic balladry,) but it does make for a jumbled listening experience. Still, I appreciate that this album features some of Halsey’s strongest tracks and writing to date, offering greater experimentation and emotional imtimacy than album’s past. 

We Don’t Stop by Aly & AJ: Should this count? It’s more a compilation of their past EP and singles... I don’t care, I’m counting it because there’s some new stuff too. This is an excellent display of Aly & AJ’s pop prowess in recent years, the hooks, vocal chemistry, and shimmery production are undeniable. 

Under My Influence by The Aces: The Aces returned in 2020 with a more laid-back, groovier record than their debut, exploring a wider variety of sounds. They’re as magnetic and likeable a group as ever, each member giving it their all, but I think I’ll return to the debut more often. 

Strangers/Lovers by Dagny: I’ve been anticipating a longer Dagny project, as she’s been drip-feeding us singles for a while now. This was a lot of fun, with Dagny pairing her upbeat earnestness with stories of romantic tribulation. While the hooks aren’t as memorable as her past offerings, there is still so much to enjoy. Lead single “Come Over” and “Let Me Cry” are my favorites.

DUALITY by Tatiana Hazel: I came across this via recommendation on Tik Tok and it’s a solid pop record! The music is swooning, synthy, and tinged with disco and Latin influence. The record doesn’t waste a second of its runtime, clocking in at less than half an hour and grooving the whole time.

After Hours by The Weeknd: The sonic palette of After Hours is so engaging, a neon-drenched blend of synthwave, electropop, and R&B. I’ve always felt lukewarm on The Weeknd’s musical persona of brooding, villainous party monster, so the strongest moments on this album tend to be when he subverts that in some way. Still, in full, this album is an undeniable force of smash hits, stadium-shaking ballads, and cinematic flair. I can’t wait for his Super Bowl performance. 

Petrol Bloom by LAUREL: It’s no secret that this year was chock-full of 80s revival albums (there’s what, five others on this list?) LAUREL wasn’t an artist I was expecting to go in that direction after the brooding folk pop of her debut album, but her deeper timbre works great alongside the synthy soundscapes. 

positions by Ariana Grande: I’ve just come to expect that nearly all of Ariana Grande’s albums are going to be growers to me. My first listen to positions was underwhelming, but the songs have grown on me more and more. This album feels like being let in on a giggly, fun slumber party with Grande and her friends. I wouldn’t call this her strongest album by far, and while I tend to prefer when she favors the more powerful parts of her range, (and her enunciations could still use some work,) there is a lot of good material here. 

THE ALBUM by BLACKPINK: We may just have to stan. I checked this out after watching their Netflix documentary, and while this breed of cacophonous, in-your-face electropop isn’t something I can listen to all the time, the hooks and charisma are undeniable. It certainly makes me feel like a bad bitch whenever I’m working out. 

Kid Krow by Conan Gray: Conan Gray burst onto my radar offering dreamy tracks rich with teen malaise and suburban restlessness, and a good amount of that initial appeal carries over onto this album. Kid Krow has both a larger instrumental scope and more stripped-back moments. In the end, it still feels like Gray is finding his voice as an artist, but he's giving up great bops to jam out to as he does.

Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams: Hayley Williams is one of my favorite vocalists, so seeing her venture out for a solo project was exciting. This album offers a mixed bag of danceable jams, emotive moments that showcase Williams’s powerful voice, and a few skips. But overall it showcases Williams’s strength as a performer as she tackles her past with vulnerability and versatility.

Apart by LÉON: Oh, man. This one was kind of disappointing. For context, LÉON’s self-titled debut was my favorite album of last year. This follow-up is by no means bad, but every song on her first album was instantly memorable. This one, not so much. LÉON’s vocals are beautiful, and there are some stand-out tracks, but I don’t see myself returning to this nearly as much. 

Blush by Maya Hawke: Maya Hawke’s Blush was to my 2020 what Tōth’s Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary was to my 2019, (and that makes sense, as they’ve collaborated in the past.) This album is so blissful and nonchalant, and Maya Hawke has a gentle, soothing voice that feels wise beyond her years. While the writing isn’t as hard-hitting as, say, the Phoebe Bridgers album, sometimes I just want to listen to something that could rock me off into a dream world. If you like folksy, down-to-earth ballads, you’ve got a solid collection of them right here. 

Dedicated Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen: Of course Queen Carly would pull through with B-sides for Dedicated, did we expect anything less? Jepsen’s brand of controlled yet carefree shimmery poptimism drenched in 80s nostalgia that never fails to put me in a good mood. This album has some lusher, more tropical instrumentation than Dedicated proper, but works great alongside it.

Missing Person by Kelsy Karter: To the Plastic Hearts fans out there, your homework now is to give this record a listen. This rock album presents pop hooks, but a lot of reckless rock fun too. Kelsy Karter has so much irresistible swagger and carefree spirit as a performer, speeding through the emotional highs and lows like she’s burning rubber in a cherry red Cadillac. 

how i’m feeling now by Charli XCX: I’ll admit, this album was a bit abrasive to me on first listen. But tracks like “anthems” and “forever” made me return, and it’s a huge grower. If you listen closely, you’ll find the sugary-sweet hooks and relatable sentiments nestled deep in the crunchy hyperpop textures, begging to be discovered and eventually loved. 

Jaguar by Victoria Monét: If you enjoyed positions, then check out the debut from one of that album’s most prominent co-writers. Jaguar’s concise collection of silky R&B slow-burners show that Victoria Monet’s is a superstar in her own right. 

Some great albums I listened to that didn’t come out this year: Blue by Joni Mitchell, BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA by BLACKPINK, I Need to Start a Garden by Haley Heynderickx, Plastic Beach by Gorillaz, Out in the Storm by Waxahatchee, 7 by Beach House, Dummy by Portishead, Lovers Fevers by Babygirl, and Red by Taylor Swift. 

Whether you liked, reblogged, or commented on a post, sent me an ask, or interacted with this blog in any way, thank you so much for all the support throughout the year! I can’t express how much I appreciate it. 

What were your favorite albums from this year? Did I miss anything? Send me an ask and let me know. I’ll tell you my thoughts, or put it on my to-listen-to list if I haven’t heard it. 

Here’s to 2021! May it clear the extremely low bar set by this year. 

[the-lack-of-errors-in-star-trek]

MIDNIGHT FLIGHTS - 0.1

Chapter 1

In a library, a young teacher, and a young FBI agent were browsing the same aisle of books on adolescent psychology, making efforts to stand a safe distance away. The first thing that Natasha noticed was a tall man with odd posture and interesting quirks for selecting a book, almost as if he were browsing psychological literature for fun. The first thing that Spencer noticed was that a relatively short woman was searching for two specific titles listed on a wrinkled sticky note, more than likely for the purposes of bettering her career. Both persons considered the other interesting for choosing to be in a library on a Friday afternoon when colleges, schools, and most workplaces were observing a winter break a week from Christmas.

Natasha is the first to leave the section with her two required readings, Spencer loitering around selecting three titles to occupy his afternoon in the library. While Natasha is checking out her books, she receives an incoming call, checking the number quickly before answering, expecting her mother on the line.

"Privyet, mama, what's going on?"

A familiar voice enters her ear, "Oh come on Nastya, I've been waiting on you for an hour now. Your mother is trying to get me to eat another bowl of borscht, please save me." The voice of her best friend, Anna, brings a light chuckle to Natasha.

"I'm almost done at the library, I promise, I'll be there in less than a half hour." She answers, handing her library card to be scanned by the sitting clerk.

"Da, please just hurry." Anna repeats her plea and hangs up, leaving Natasha to collect her items and hurry out of the lobby of the library, headed directly to the metro.

As promised, Natasha enters the small apartment above her family's store with 25 minutes to spare from Anna's disappointment. "Ya doma!" She calls out, a small "yay" can be heard from the kitchen as she sets her bag down by the door. Walking into the sitting room connected to the kitchen, she spots the clock as being 19:36.

"You need to eat dinner, Lisichka" her mother calls out to her, wiping down the counter and sipping on a coffee, lit cigarette in hand.

"And right after, we need to change, hurry." Anna demands of her, walking from the small kitchen to the living room couch, eyeing the news playing in the background.

Natasha's adult life was very much consistent, after a long week of teaching and grading middle schoolers, Anna would be right there to take her to the newest clubs in the D.C. area. Natasha took a moment to analyse her friendship while eating her borscht and bread. They had met in the local Eastern Orthodox church in D.C. Nowadays, both only practice in the name of tradition instead of the belief they held as children, but that bond was set when they spoke for the first time during a church meal, and most of the Eastern European community probably only went to church for that same reason, tradition. Nastya and Anna were practically sisters, and had felt loss in the same way. When Anna was 16, she lost her brother in a car accident, and finally understood why Nastya carried an air of grief around her. Losing family was losing a part of your soul, and that was an unshakable moment between the two teens, leading them to live in similar ways. For Nastya, she put her heart and soul into teaching, making the world better for young scholars one English class period at a time, and for Anna, working as an intern in a law firm while working towards the bar exam meant giving her family name a better reputation than just "some Russians" living in D.C.

Later that night, the metro ride to the heart of downtown was largely uneventful, both women dressed for a fun time in the city, Anna wearing her blonde hair up in a twist, exposing a black sweater and gold necklace, slacks and heeled boots to go with. Nastya was dressed in a similar fashion, a red sweater from light fabric and dark jeans going with her worn black heeled boots, both women holding their purses close while holding the same rail. Leaving the metro meant walking fast from the station to the club, as the cold December air placed a chill over their bones. Neon lights could be seen all over the city, entering a small queue where a bouncer was checking IDs for entry into a new and definitely not prestigious club.

With a side eye from the bouncer, most likely from the last names on their Virginian licenses, both Anna and Nastya enter the club with no further event. The lights were strobing different colors, the music was loud and pumping, and both women sought a beeline for the bar, hoping to clock in a few shots prior to dancing. The bartender is a kind woman who obliges in pouring the four shots, taking payment from Natasha immediately.

"I'll cover the next four," Anna states, washing the second shot down with a sip of coke.

"You better!" Natasha laughs, lightly tapping Anna's shoulder, and turning to look at the crowd. Both were thankful for the fact the club had a coat room, ensuring the only thing needed to carry was their phones and some cash. "Dance?" She asks her friend, looking to the floor.

"Definitely!" Anna shouts over the music, dragging Nastya by the wrist to the floor, alcohol keeping their chests warm as they begin to dance by themselves and next to each other. A few men pass by briefly, none getting too close, but a quite muscular man saunters over, seeming to try and seduce Anna. Nastya takes this as a cue to find something stronger from the bar, leaning over to Anna's ear.

"Have fun, don't leave without me." She commands, receiving a thumbs up from her friend before closing the gap and dancing up on the bald man who approached them. Nastya can overhear their introductions as she walks away and towards the bar. She orders a gin and tonic from the lady behind the counter, and sips on it while walking the perimeter of the floor, attempting to spot her friend. Assuming they went towards the middle of the floor, she hangs back, taking the next ten minutes to slam through her drink, leaving it on the bar counter before finally spotting Anna's figure at a table of people, the man she was dancing with not even 15 minutes before standing next to her. Nastya walks over, tapping Anna on the shoulder.

"I thought I told you not to stray far," Nastya starts in Russian, "I couldn't find you for a solid ten." She finishes in English.

Anna shushes her, "Dude it's fine, look these guys are awesome! They work here! In the D.C.!" Liquor had always taken Anna faster than Nastya, she was just hoping she could keep tabs on her. She shakes her head at her friend before looking at the table, spotting an oddly familiar face across from her.

"Are you two Russian?" A skinny brunette asks the both of them in broken Russian, alcohol makes anyone a polyglot with the right vocabulary. Both women nod, answering with a curt "Da" waiting for more conversation to enter the table.

"Well we love meeting new people, your friend already told me her name, I'm Derek, what's yours?" The tall buff man asks Natasha.

"Natasha, nice to meet you Derek, don't move too fast on her, she gets tipsy faster than I do." Natasha cracks a friendly comment, getting a laugh and a light slap on the shoulder from Anna.

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Emily." The brunette introduces herself to both young women on the spot, moving to point to the two people sitting next to her. "This is Penelope," she says, pointing to a slightly chubby and eccentric woman with cat eye glasses and an outfit to match, plenty of colour in comparison to the rest of their group. A short and sweet "nice to meet you" leaves Penelope's lips, moving to chew on her small bar straw in her red cocktail.

"And this is Spencer, our workplace genius." Emily finishes, the familiar man waving but finally looking up to face both women.

"Wait, I saw you in the library earlier today," he starts, shock coming to most of the table's faces. "Adolescent psychology, what was that for?"

"I'm a teacher." Natasha answers shortly, "I could ask you the same thing."

"Just light reading material." Spencer answers in the same matter of fact manner, the interaction leaving an odd air around the group.

Emily moves over slightly, "Please sit, the more the merrier, we can keep drinks going." Anna is the first to oblige, her boots new and not nearly as easy on the feet as Nastya's.

"Come on, Nastya, don't be a stranger, you need more friends than just me." Anna slaps the spot next to her, Nastya giving into the demands of her friend, as Derek excuses himself to grab shots for the table.

"So you know our professions," Nastya starts, "what brings you four together?"

"We work in the same office," Emily answers, her tone always warm and welcoming, definitely appealing to Natasha in opening up. "Federal agents, gotta cut loose every once and awhile."

Anna and Nastya nod, Anna piping up first. "What is that even like?"

"A lot of paperwork most of the time, but keeps us on our toes." Emily and Penelope seem to be the most talkative, the blonde answering the question this time around.

"Really?" Derek asks, coming back to the table and conversation with plenty of shots for everyone. "You're the one in the cave, Garcia, these girls were asking about our action packed adventures."

Everyone except Spencer takes a shot after making a cheer, catching Nastya's attention. "What is it, Mr. Spencer? Vodka not for you?"

"Actually it's Doctor Reid," he answers, taking Natasha aback, "and I've just never been crazy about drinking in general."

"Jesus, how old are you?" She asks, genuinely curious how a man looking so young could be that smart with a PhD.

"I'm 26 years old, a bit of a high IQ and fast reading will take you pretty far." He answers.

"Seriously? We're like the same age and you already have a doctorate?"

"Three of them, actually." This answer causes Anna to choke on her drink, an amused look from Spencer's work friends.

"Fucking impossible!" Anna calls out, "There's no way, you're too young!"

Derek laughs, "Anything is possible when this dude graduated high school at the ripe age of 12." Derek and Anna look at each other and nod, an unspoken agreement that both were bored and wanted to dance. Nastya moves to let Anna out onto Derek's shoulder, and takes her place at the table.

"So when did you leave Russia?" Emily asks, alcohol keeping the conversation on getting to know everyone.

"I mean, I was born here, by my parents left right at the start of the Glasnost and Perestroika," Natasha answers, no harm in answering the question no matter how odd it was to be talking to the FBI off duty. "Anna's family was a bit more lucky, her grandparents snuck out of the eastern bloc, making her second generation."

Penelope is the next to engage in conversation, "I can't imagine, have you ever travelled there since the wall fell?" She asks and it's a harmless question out of curiosity, but it places Natasha on edge. She shakes her head as a response. It was her time to ask questions.

"What even do you guys do?" She asks, not meaning to come off in a mean tone, but luckily Spencer sees through it and answers.

"We work behavioural analysis, most people assume that to mean we work to catch serial killers, but it's not just that, there's also arsonists, kidnappers, and rapists, and any crime in which behaviour can be studied."

"What a mouthful," Natasha responds, Penelope and Emily chuckling in response to the interaction.

"He's always quiet until he has something he can info-dump on you" Emily assures Natasha, keeping the same warm smile. It was certainly a nice group, but after an extra hour of small talk, and a few more rounds of shots, in which Natasha snags the numbers of all three at the table, it becomes evident that Anna had a very high chance of going home with Derek instead of back to Natasha's family apartment.

"You lost her?" Spencer asks, towering over her as they pack up to leave the club.

"Seems like it, metro should be loads of fun." Natasha eyes how Anna is practically climbing all over Derek.

Spencer looks between the two, and comes to a conclusion. "Don't be ridiculous, I'm driving for Emily and Penelope, I can drive you too. The crime rates at this hour skyrocket, especially if you're taking the metro by yourself."

Natasha decides to take up the group on their offer, making sure Anna left with Derek safely first. When stepping onto the street at a bright one in the morning, Natasha can't help but notice how far the temperature has dropped in just the past few hours. The group of four head to Spencer's car, and pile in.

The ride is largely uneventful, address after address meant that Spencer was left to drive Natasha home after Emily and Penelope, both remaining silent on the drive to the outskirts of D.C.

"It's this store right here, thank you." Natasha responds when Spencer pulls up.

"You live in a store?"

"Above it."

"Oh, yeah that makes sense..." He trails off, pulling into the side of the road. "It was nice to meet you, have a good night."

"Thanks again," Natasha answers, exiting the car with her purse, both of the adults creating an awkward silence between each other. "Good night." Spencer drives off right when she backs onto the sidewalk, getting into the store apartment with no alert to her mother.

As Natasha fell asleep that night, she wondered what kind of story Anna would have for her the next morning, as well as how the fuck the FBI got a lanky kid to hunt down serial killers, but couldn't teach him how to hold a conversation.

Taglist: @iwannabemorethanme​

[theokotrain]

Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

[archimage-writings]

Lucky Friday the 13th

This past Friday was the 13th and, at least for me, was very lucky, magical, mystical, and dare I say alchemical? Ok, I’m overdoing it. I get it. But, the weekend was transformative. Creatures, Crime, and Creativity (C3) is a yearly fan and writer’s conference held in Columbia, MD and hosted by Austin and Desinse Camacho of Intrigue Publishing. I had gone last year, and had learned a lot and had a good time, so I registered for this year’s event. Now, I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember (and that’s a long time), I’ve self-published a bunch of books (think of them as a bunch of carrots tied together and thrown into the bottom drawer of the refrigerator), and they are out there, but I don’t promote, push, market, or talk about them to people I meet. I’m not that good. (self-criticism is the sincerest kind, and I’m me.) I’m a writer because I write. Be that as it may, I registered and took a chance and this year I registered as an author. The only real requirement was having published. As I registered, I had thoughts of imposter syndrome. What if they found out I was no one famous (or even important)?  I didn’t want to get kicked out. I wanted to go. Time passed. Then I got an email from Cynthia Lauth, an organizer, telling me she was having a hard time finding my books on Amazon. Ruh, roh!  Panic.  I took a deep breath and relaxed. I have publisher links. I have real books. I just don’t sell them. I passed the links back. Time passed. I get another email from Cynthia. I’m on two panels and I’m moderating two others. Wha–?! I check the schedule.  I’m on: “Humor in Writing” with Jeff Markowitz, Allan Ansange, and Susan McBride (moderating).  Ok, I sort of get it. I write humor. I think I have a sense of humor, but just a sense. People I know, don’t like my sense of humor, but I get why I’m on this panel. I can pull this off. But with Jeff and Allan? I’m familiar with both of them and I was witness to Jeff’s wit at last year’s conference. I’m done for (dangling preposition notwithstanding). I’d have to prepare… Next up was, “The Battle of the Sexes–What Makes Hero and Heroine Conflict Such a Prevalent Concept in Romance Novels?”  I was moderating. I read the title again… Ok, I could talk about “The Battle of the Sexes” and, I didn’t even see “Romance Novels”.  This panel comprised Rebecca York, Jenna Harte, and Becky Muth. An all-female panel. I was toast. Sweating, I scanned for the next appearance of my name on the schedule.  Saturday, I was on one of the first panels. “Ripped from the Headlines: Writing Stories from 'Fake News’”. I’ve never done that. The closest I’d ever come was commenting on tweets I saw. I’m not a news “junkie”. I know better than to troll or be trolled. I sat and thought about the topic. I wasn’t even sure I knew what “fake news” was… apart from what some important people believed it was. I could probably fake my way through this panel.  D.W. Maroney, Adam Meyer, Karl Brungart, were the other panelists, and Susan McBride was moderating again. Scan… scan… scan… change… change… change… King of Fools… I was moderating one of the last panels on Saturday. I relaxed and remembered to breathe. “Writing for TV/Film.” I’d written several structurally, and story-wise god-awful scripts/screenplays to learn how to write them. I had questions. I’d be good. I gulped when I saw the panelists.  John Gilstrap, David Mack, and Adam Meyer.  Again, people I was familiar with, read, or followed. These three were the power team. I was in over my head. Maybe I could call in sick. They would be able to find someone to cover for me, couldn’t they?  Maybe Austin and gang were desperate, and I was the fill-in….  I couldn’t let them down. The imposter syndrome flashed through my brain caught up and ran over me like a train full of experts. Well, I was commited. I’d go through with it. If only to tell myself that I had done my best. I spent a day or so thinking about how to handle each panel and sent out emails to the panelists both to introduce myself (who has ever heard of me?) and to throw out some sample questions. I got some nice responses from everyone. Time passes and the weekend of the conference rolls around. It’s Friday the 13th weekend, 2019. A full moon.  I lug a copy of some of my books in case they ask me for my ID before they let me on the panels. Too cut to the chase, I did OK on the humor panel, and got a few laughs, and when things got deep and serious, some nods of agreement from a lot of the audience (including Austin). My copanelists were awesome and made me look good.  The “Battle of the Sexes” panel, I stumbled through. Remember I mentioned I didn’t even notice the phrase “Romance Novel”? I asked very amateurish and obvious questions (because I have never read a romance novel).  I learned a lot and the authors were kind enough not walk out on me. The Film/TV panel went ok. I asked the questions I wanted answered; again some were basic ones. The panel went well and I was surprised I could supress my awe at the panelists while asking. The “Fake News” panel, I felt I held my own.  Afterward, I was physically and emotionally wiped. I will admit, I’m an introvert. I don’t do well with people I don’t know despite having given presentations and taught in front of hundreds. It’s still not a pleasant experience. It’s not about me, however. –––– I should get to the point of this post. The panelists all were stellar and the discussions were wonderful. I am honered to have been included and given the chance to take part. Everyone at C3 was welcoming, friendly, curious, and helpful. I met many people, reconnected with those I met last year, and for the first time ever felt I was an author, and not just someone who wrote books. People wanted to know where to get my books.  No, not because I felt like a celebrity, I didn’t and hope I never do. Because everyone at C3 treated me (and everyone else) as an equal.  I was part of the community. I felt my efforts as a writer were validated.  My life has changed, from my perspective. I want to mention a few people. (If I were to mention everyone I interacted with, I’d be writing my next book.) Austin and Denise Camacho, and Cynthia Lauth. They put this conference on, are friendly, good folk. They work hard. Support them and C3. They make it what it is. David Mack, one keynoter. This man is an expert. He is a technician of the first order. I really wish I had a chance to spend some time chatting with him, but he was always busy.  His keynote was bitter-sweet about the up and down cycles of his carreer and the industry. It was inspiring and motivating. He is a fairly quiet guy (I got the sense he was uncomfortable being in the spotlight), but he became more relaxed and seemed to be enjoying himself as the coference went on. His wit is dry, sardonic, and ascerbic.  I get it. I like it. Cool dude. Also, his wife Kara is a great person. Julie Hyzy and husband Curt. Great people, both. Julie was the other keynoter. Her talk was the most heartfelt and personal one I’ve ever heard. It was full of anecdotes, touching moments, humor and inspiration. For someone who claims to not enjoy speaking in public, she’s an expert. She also talks a mile a minute on panels when she is excited and/or interested. The fact she likes puns and time-travel doesn’t colour (British spelling) my opinon–well not much.  I awkwardly handed her my books (to show my appreciation for her keynote) and later she asked me to sign them. My first real autographs! Curt is a very cool guy in a laid-back sort of way. I had a nice chat about sports with him. S.A. Cosby was a highlight of the conference.  “Noir at the Bar” is a mini-event within C3 where authors read one of their shorter works over drinks. Mr. Cosby read a story that was immediate, powerful, visceral, and imaginative. His reading was more acting than reading.  I’d buy any audiobook read by him. I was lucky enough to win one of his books and get it signed. Debbie Mack. I met her at last year’s C3, but this year was the first time I got a chance to chat with her. Not only is she an author, but she also blogs, and produces videos that remind me of MST3K. She’s currently subtitling the old Buck Rogers serial. She’s also a fan of old movies, Doctor Who, and The Prisoner. What can be wrong with that? Cool person. There are too many others to mention.  Thank you all for allowing me into the fold. If you are a fan of writing, a writer, or an author you owe it to yourself to check out C3 http://creaturescrimesandcreativity.com If you want to follow people on Twitter: @Ascamacho - Austin Camacho @JulieHyzy - Julie Hyzy @DavidAlanMack - David Mack @Blacklionking73 - Shawn A Cosby @DebbieMack - Debbie Mack @JohnGilstrap - John Gilstrap @FJTalleyAuthor - FJ Talley @EButlerBooks - Ellen Butler @AlanOrloff - Alan Orloff @AuthorBeckyMuth - Becky Muth @Jenna_Harte - Jenna Harte

@RebeccaYork43 - Rebecca York

…and many others… …oh, and me, @Archimage Time to get back to editing two novels, a book of short stories, and finishing my current work in progress, a satire.

Thank you all! Write on!

[raspberryparker]

someday | four

college!au spidey x fem!reader

← previous | series masterlist | next → word count: 4,651 summary: peter is  s o f t  in this one and the plot begins to unfold kinda. you’ll see.  warnings: see masterlist read it on ao3 add yourself to my taglist!

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   To his surprise, though it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, Peter found himself looking forward to heading to the library the following day. Had anyone told him just even a week prior that he’d be excited about getting tutored, he might have just scoffed in their face. But it was different now.

   Because it was Y/N.

   He didn’t know exactly what it was about her that made him so giddy as he kicked off his skateboard and set off through the quad. He was trying to suppress his smile, looking like a little kid trying to keep a secret as he whizzed past the students around him. He was more distracted than usual, a few people having to jump out of the way before he collided with them head on.

   He couldn’t help it though; he only had one thing on his mind.

   And that was seeing her smile again.

   She’d given him many during their time together in the library, grinning politely at him when she agreed with a point he made or kindly asked him to read a passage. But they were all thin lipped and forced, and Peter could feel it in the air that Y/N was more than uncomfortable to be sitting across from him.

   But the smile she gave him as they were walking back to their building, the laugh she let bubble past her lips at his really terrible joke, was imprinted in Peter’s mind. He saw it on the backs of his eyelids when he went to bed that night, Ned having refused to let him do his rounds that evening because of his injuries. He saw it when he was getting dressed, actually making an effort to pick out a nicer looking outfit than the old hoodie he’d worn the day before (way to make a first impression, huh?). He saw it as he walked up the steps to the library doors, pulling it open and stepping into the warm atmosphere.

   Peter hoped he’d see it again. It was gorgeous.

   He was surprised to see Y/N behind the front desk, typing away at one of the desktops as he entered. Stopping in front of her, he smiled as her eyes met his. She grinned at him. His heart pounded.

   “Hey,” he greeted, leaning against the counter. “I thought you didn’t work this weekend?”

   “I was just updating the library events page while I waited for you,” she explained, saving her file and slinging the bag she’d set on top of the desk over her shoulder. She walked around to stand next to him, wrapping a scarf around her neck. “There’s a club meeting going on upstairs and all the other good study spots are taken right now so I thought you’d be okay if we went somewhere else.”

   “Where did you have in mind?” Peter asked, beginning to step alongside her as she exited the building. He held the door for her, noticing that she struggled just a bit against the heavy weight of it, and she smiled up at him in thanks.

   It wasn’t quite the same smile, not as open as the one she had when she laughed the day before, but it made her expression glow regardless. His palms briefly felt crackly, like TV static under his skin, and he could tell he was about to start sweating nervously. Better get out into the cold faster, then.

   “I was thinking maybe the dining hall,” she told him, wrapping her arms around herself as the biting wind met her frame. “It’s only noon, but I’ve been up since eight and I haven’t eaten yet. Would you mind if we studied there? I took out a copy of Arthur Miller’s biography for you so you have some sources with you.”

   “Yeah, for sure,” he agreed happily. “I actually haven’t eaten either, but I can’t say I’ve been up as long as you have.”

   “Old habits, you know the rest,” she muttered. “I had a lot of morning shifts last semester even though I took the summer off from studies and I guess my body just kind of got used to waking up early.”

   Peter hummed in response, glancing over at her as she walked beside him. He was glad that it was an easy silence that fell over them then, as opposed to the awkward tension that had engulfed them the entirety of the day before. Y/N seemed more relaxed around him now and for that he was grateful. He didn’t think he could bear it if she still regarded him with caution, constantly walking on eggshells around him because she thought he was dangerous. He knew she still doubted him, but at least she wasn’t giving herself a backache with her stiff, tense posture.

   He took in the curve of her neck hidden underneath her scarf, the ends of it loosely tucked into her striped sweater. She looked so cozy, but she was also kind of shivering.

   Peter had half a mind to offer her his jacket, but hadn’t gotten past the ‘but what if that’s weird?’ part of his internal debate when she stopped, and he almost walked into her back.

   Oh. He’d forgotten how close the dining hall was to the library.

   Quickly stepping around her, he opened one of the glass doors for her, gesturing with his open palm for her to enter. “After you.”

   The fact that he was stuck on the way her cheeks reddened at the gesture was not doing him any favours. They entered the hall, a combination of sweet and savoury aromas assaulting Peter’s senses and making him momentarily disoriented. He blinked rapidly and flared his nostrils, trying to get his eyes to stop watering before Y/N noticed. Sometimes his spidey-senses were just a tad too much for him, even though he’d been dealing with them for around five years.

   They both stood in line as their ESU student ID’s were swiped into the computer system, confirming their enrollment in the school and their payment of the meal plan, and stepped into the hall, both of them looking for an empty table. It wasn’t loud in the hall for once, but it was still buzzing with the chatter of students as they ate and socialized, others studying just as they planned to do. Peter spotted a table near one of the large back windows and gestured for Y/N to follow him. They settled down and took their things out of their bags, Peter slipping out his notebook (that he’d been kind of embarrassed by when Y/N had first seen it— it was a mess) and Y/N taking out her books and laptop. Though it was still cold outside, the sun began to shine through the clouds and lit their table up with a soft mid-day glow.

   “I’m gonna get some food,” Y/N said, pointing her thumb back in the direction of the kitchen. “You coming?”

   “I will in a bit, you go first,” he muttered.

   “Okay.”

   He watched her retreating figure and allowed himself to sink into his seat, a sigh slipping past his lips. Peter hadn’t stopped being aware of just how hard and how loud his heart was thumping, as it if was actively trying to hammer its way out of his ribcage. It still surprised him that he’d actually been anticipating meeting with her again. He’d even started to enjoy reading the play in his dorm the night before, because every time he did he’d remember her face when he told her which play he had to write the paper on.

   She’d been incredibly happy, proudly declaring it was one of her favourites and that she had plenty of knowledge on it. And after that, Peter couldn’t read a single line without thinking of her; of the way her eyes shone even in the gloomy weather, the radiance of her skin as she laughed and the brightness of her personality. He had a hard time believing she was as shy as she said she was even if he’d only known her for day.

   It felt like he’d already known her a lifetime.

   But he shouldn’t be getting ahead of himself. This was only their second (actually third, but the first one didn’t count in his mind) encounter.

   “Hey, dude!”

   At the sound of the voice that he’d recognize anywhere, Peter glanced up to find Ned bouncing happily toward him, backpack slung lazily over one shoulder and his laptop tucked under the other arm. It was incredibly rare to find Ned without his laptop as he was always working on one of his many coding or robotics assignments.

   “Hey,” Peter grinned back. Ned pulled a seat out the seat next to Peter and sat down down, setting his laptop on the table. “What’s up?”

   “Just got done with my lab,” he said. “Was gonna grab lunch. But why are you here? Thought you were going to the library to meet with Y/N again today.”

   “It was busy in there so we came here. She’s grabbing food.”

   “Oh, awesome.” Ned smiled widely, already taking his things out of his bag and setting them on the table despite not having asked the question that Peter knew was inevitably coming. “Mind if I join you guys then? I’ll be quiet, I promise— coding doesn’t make much noise.”

   “Fine with me,” Peter said, opening his notebook to the page where he’d last taken notes. “You gotta ask Y/N though.”

   “Ask me what?”

   As if on cue, Y/N walked over to the table, a plate with what looked like shepherd’s pie and steamed vegetables on it in her hands. She set it down on the table in front of her seat, glancing up and noticing the new addition to their group.

   “Oh, hey Ned,” she greeted, a warm smile gracing her features. “What are you doing here?”

   “Grabbin’ lunch after my four-hour lab. You know how hungry those make me,” he laughed, and Y/N giggled in return.

   Peter felt his stomach drop watching the interactions between his two friends— wait, could he even call Y/N his friend? Not quite yet, but he liked to think that someday, hopefully soon, he’d be able to. But it didn’t stop the sharp twist in his gut as they laughed together, Y/N obviously much more comfortable around Ned. She had a reason to be, but still… didn’t mean he couldn’t feel envious of it.

   Was that what it was? Envy? Maybe it was jealousy.

   The thought of being jealous of his best friend left a sour taste in his mouth but it wasn’t exactly something he could help. And Y/N obviously didn’t like Peter, let alone trust him, so he’d just have to get over it.

   God knows how long that would take, though.

   “I was just gonna ask if you guys didn’t mind me joining you while you study,” Ned told her as she settled into her seat across from Peter. “I won’t distract you, I swear.”

   “Yeah, I believe you,” she grinned, stabbing her fork into a particularly large piece of carrot and blowing the steam away from it. “Peter’s got a lot of reading and note-taking to do today. Hopefully by the end of it we might even have a workable thesis statement for his paper. That sound okay to you?”

   It took him about three seconds too long to realize she was taking to him now, and not to Ned, as he caught her questioning gaze. He’d been too preoccupied wondering how he could possibly be jealous of Ned and got distracted, caught off guard when she asked him a question.

   He swallowed, quickly nodding his head. “Yeah, that sounds fine.”

   Peter glanced to his left to find Ned looking at him with raised brows, his eyes flicking over to look at the girl across from them and then back to Peter. He could practically feel the blood flowing underneath the skin of his cheeks as he started to blush.

   He stood way too quickly.

   “I’m gonna go grab food,” he said, and glanced down at Ned. “Come with me?”

   “Yeah, sure dude.”

   No matter how badly he wanted to turn around and take one last look at her as the two of them walked towards the chicken, he managed to resist the urge.

   Ned had to walk a little faster to keep up with him, as Peter was trying to get away from that extremely awkward situation as fast as possible. He scurried up to his best friend, who was taking strides that were way too big to be normal and looked at him questioningly. Peter made a point not to look at the expression Ned was giving him because he already knew what it was.

   “Dude,” he whispered, though Peter was unsure why because Y/N couldn’t possibly hear them from that far away. “What the hell was that?”

   “Nothing.”

   “Hold on, hold on, hold on,” Ned said, stepping around his best friend to block his path. “Why are you being weird?”

   “I’m not— I’m not being weird, Ned,” Peter sighed, looking over the boy’s shoulder to watch the other students lining up to get their food at the various stations. “I’m fine.”

   “Yeah, and I’m Celine Dion,” he replied with a roll of his eyes. “There’s something you’re not telling me, dude, and you know we don’t keep secrets from each other.”

   “I’m not keeping a secret, a swear,” Peter insisted, holding his right hand up in a mock oath, hoping to get Ned to stop bothering him about it. “Now can we please go get food? I’m hungry.”

   “Okay, but I still don’t believe you.”

   Ned wouldn’t stop his grumbling as they got their food, Peter settling for a grilled cheese and tomato soup while Ned dumped large spoonfuls of baked mac and cheese onto his plate. If there was one thing Peter could always appreciate was that the dining hall had lots of variety when it came to meal options. But he didn’t even have the chance to admire the food, which was more often than not actually really good—compared to his old high school cafeteria lunches, anyway—because Ned wouldn’t stop trying to get an answer out of him.

   “I don’t know, man, all I’m saying is that there’s obviously something wrong,” he continued.

   “When is there not something wrong, Ned?” Peter deadpanned.

   “Okay, edgelord,” his best friend mocked. “Would you just tell me what’s up with you?”

   Peter gave Ned a stern look, a firm and inaudible ‘drop it’ that make Ned hold his hands up in defence. As they were grabbing utensils, Peter found himself glancing up at their table.

   Y/N was radiant. Sitting there in the glow of the sun as it washed over the light wood of the table, a spoon suspended in one hand and a book in the other. Peter found himself mesmerized by the sight of her, and happened to miss Ned leaning to peek over his shoulder to see what he was looking at.

   “Are you serious?”

   Peter jumped, shocked by Ned’s voice so close to his ear and stared with wide eyes at his best friend. “What?”

   “You like her,” Ned said, eyebrows raised and a smug smile on his lips.

   “What?! No I—” Peter was left sputtering around his words as he tried to think of a response to absolutely ridiculous accusation. He could feel his entire face burning as he blushed profusely. “I do not like her, I just—”

   “Somehow, I knew this would happen,” Ned said with a smile, completely disregarding Peter’s protests. “I can’t say it was part of the reason why I asked her to tutor you but I feel like deep down I hoped it would.”

   “You what?”

   “You’re her type, ya know. She probably thinks you’re cute or something. So, like… get on that shit.”

   “Ned!”

   “What?” he asked. “I’m just saying.”

   Peter sighed, closing his eyes against the oncoming headache that threatened to overcome his temples. “Okay, just don’t don’t say anything to her. Please.”

   “So what you’re saying is, you do like her and you want me to keep it a secret because you’re going to use your Parker charm and woo her until she falls unconditionally in love with you?”

   “No.”

   “Alright, you can count on me.” Ned mock-saluted at Peter with a grin, and stepped off with his plate and his drink back toward the table.

   Peter sighed, following behind him. “Why am I still friends with you?”

   “‘Cause without me, you’d be dead.”

   Hm. He did have a point.

   Peter could only hope that his blush had subsided enough by the time they got to the table, but his cheeks still felt warm. They sat down across from Y/N who grinned up at them.

   She set down her book, opening her laptop and pushing her plate aside. “You ready to start then?”

   Peter swallowed and nodded.

   He definitely wasn’t ready.

   Their studying session went just as the one before had, except this time they had Ned joining them, the only sound coming from him being the clacking of his laptop keys as he typed away. Y/N would point out important passages from the biography in between bits of food when peter needed help, but ultimately it was up to Peter to do most of the research.

   He found himself getting distracted at the worst times, having to reread a particularly large passage because he hadn’t been paying attention as his eyes skimmed over the words. He was too preoccupied with everything happening around him to be able to pay attention properly. It was something he struggled with since his heightened senses had developed.

   The smells and the sounds especially got under his skin; he’d pick up on a word from someone spoken across the room, or smell the fact that that the last time a person had worn that sweater was with their cat and they hadn’t washed it yet. It was overwhelming sometimes, but he’d been working to keep it under control. Sitting in silence with nothing to distract him, however, proved to be the wrong choice.

   He decided instead to focus on the sound of the television that sat on the wall across from them. There was always sports or a newscast playing in the dining hall— something everyone could either enjoy or use as background noise. Peter had intended to use it for the latter, trying to ground himself amidst the rising volumes in the hall as more people filed in for a late lunch after classes.

   But he hadn’t been expecting to hear that particular news report.

   “In a string of attacks against what appears to be only the wealthy of New York, another man has fallen victim.”

   Peter’s head immediately snapped up to look at the TV, the classic rise-and-fall timbre of the anchor’s voice catching his attention. His eyes narrowed as he watched her speak on the screen, her expression somber as she read from the teleprompter behind the camera.

   “Fifty-three year old Alan Montgomery was found dead in his penthouse late yesterday evening by his building’s cleaning staff. Montgomery was most widely known for his ownership of multiple art exhibitions and galleries throughout Manhattan, however there were those who suspected that his acquisition of the pieces displayed was all but lawful. And now some are suspecting his death and the recent accidents involving others like him are connected. Nina Forrester has more.”

   The camera cut then to a woman in an expensive looking navy pantsuit standing in front of police tape and flashing red and blue lights, gripping a microphone and looking far too overexposed with the bright lights shining in her face. Having been a photographer for the Daily Bugle during his last two years of high school, he couldn’t help but be nit-picky about things like that.

“Late yesterday evening, police dispatch alerted officers of a suspected homicide inside the famed Alan Montgomery’s home. Though police have not confirmed whether he died of natural causes or if there is any suspected foul play, they have confirmed that Mr. Montgomery has passed. NYPD has had no comment when asked if the recent string of brutal homicides against the ‘top one percent’ of New York and this incident are related, but that does not stop public speculation.”

   As the shots changed between her interviewing people on the streets about their opinion, Peter nudged Ned with his elbow.

   “Hey,” Ned groaned, but stopped as he saw the look Peter was giving him.

   Jerking his head toward the TV, Peter watched as Ned took in the headline at the bottom of the screen and watched the news reporter interview pedestrians. His eyes widened as he looked back at Peter, and an unspoken question hung in the air between them.

   Is that a spidey problem?

   Ned shrugged, eyes still wide and concerned as his gaze flickered back to Y/N sitting across from them. She hadn’t noticed the interaction, thankfully, but it was still too early to leave. And besides, they didn’t even know if it was something Peter had to deal with.

   Ned gave him a questioning gaze, and Peter pointed his chin towards Ned’s laptop. With a sharp nod, he saved and closed his assignment, opening up a new web browser tab in order to begin his research on the subject.

   Peter spent the remainder of their time in the dining hall nervously tapping his foot underneath the table as he pretended to read the play and the biography in front of him. Ned’s brows were perpetually furrowed as he scrolled through articles and police reports, and every so often he glanced over and made eye contact with Peter.

   It couldn’t be anything good.

   “Alright guys,” Y/N muttered, stretching her arms out over her head as she spoke. Peter looked away. “I’m gonna have to call it a day. I promised my boss I’d help set up for an event tonight and I still have to write a paper of my own. Do you mind, Peter?”

   “No, not at all.”

   Okay, that response was way too fast. But Y/N didn’t seem bothered as she smiled softly at him.

   “Thanks,” she muttered, putting her things back into her bag. “Text me when you want to meet up again, yeah? You still need a thesis.”

   “Y-yeah, I will,” he grinned.

   There were conflicting emotions circulating inside him as he watched her go. On the one hand he was glad she had left so that he and Ned could discuss just what it was they were going to do about the problem at hand, but on the other he felt a tug in his gut at the thought of her leaving. It was frustrating, to say the least.

   When she’d finally left the building, Peter braced himself for Ned’s onslaught of information.

   “Okay so get this,” he began. “I was going through recent police reports and some news articles—I even went through a few blog posts, and remind me to never do that again—but I found something interesting.

   “There have been a ton of deaths involving the wealthiest people in the city, but there’s a catch. Some people think they’re all connected because they’re rich, but others—and I think they might be right—think they’re connected for another reason. All of these guys,” he said as he turned the laptop around to show Peter. “Have either been accused, gone to court and been acquitted, or have had charges against them dropped. But all the accusations and charges have to do with their money and the way they got it.

   “This guy—Jonathan Carter. Apparently he was involved in some drug trafficking ring that brought this new kind of ecstacy in from, like, Russia or something. Everyone insists he made his money by selling it and not from his small businesses as he claimed. So many cops tried to prove the businesses were just a laundering scheme but they all either got fired or suspended without pay. Last week, out of the blue, bam, guy ends up dead in his house. It’s really fishy, dude.

   “And that’s only one of them. There are at least six other instances like this and I’d say the evidence is pretty damning.”

   “Then why hasn’t NYPD alerted anyone of a serial killer or anything like that?” Peter asked, mulling over the information Ned had just given him.

   “That’s the thing,” Ned added (how many more ‘things’ were there going to be?). “I managed to get a look at the medical examiner’s reports for some of these and they’re all classified as accidents caused by animals. Dude, these guys were fucking mauled to death. Like, guts coming out places they shouldn’t be coming out of, mauled. We’re talking medieval disembowelment, mauled. The ME used some pretty descriptive language and it sounds like they all met the same, angry mutant bear.”

   Peter frowned, folding his arms over the table. “But that’s impossible. This is New York. Unless they all died at the zoo, there’s no way any of them could have encountered an animal capable of doing that.”

   “Yeah, I know,” Ned agreed, rolling his eyes. “I was getting to that.

   “What’s also weird is that for each of the incidents, there’s a pathologist’s report as well as the ME’s. Which is normal I guess, but this particular pathologist only deals with homicide— so if they’re just animal attacks, why is homicide working it? And how the hell would a fucking bear get into a penthouse?”

   “Jesus,” Peter sighed.

   “I know.”

   Peter looked across to Ned with a concerned expression on his face, silently asking ‘what the hell do we do now?’. Ned looked away for a moment, his brow furrowing even more, if that was possible.

   “Also, there’s one another thing you’re probably not gonna like,” he said.

   “I already don’t like this whole situation, so I don’t see how it can get any worse,” Peter sighed.

   “This is like in the movies, when they’re like ‘oh, it’s already bad enough, how much worse can it get?’ and then it cuts to the character in a situation that is infinitely worse.”

   “What is your point, Ned?”

   “My point, Peter,” he muttered, looking like the last thing he wanted to do was tell his best friend what as going on. “Is that you and I both know the first thing to do in this situation is to go to heart of it and raid the police system to find information.”

   “Yeah, we always do that,” Peter said, confused. “What’s so bad, then?”

   “The precinct in the centre of all… whatever this is, and the precinct that happens to be in charge, is the 114th.”

   “Oh, shit.”

   “I told you you weren’t gonna like it,” Ned sighed, shaking his head.

   Perfect.

   This was just what he needed. The 114th police precinct just happened to be his least favourite for one reason and one reason only. It was Captain George Stacy’s precinct. And that would have been fine and dandy if it hadn’t been for the other thing.

   Peter had broken his daughter’s heart, and the police Captain was never going to let it go.

   Things were just getting better and better for him, huh?

   “We’re going tonight,” Peter declared, standing and putting his books back in his bags.

   “Whoa,” Ned said. “Really? What about your injuries?”

   “I’m fine,” he insisted, watching as Ned packed up as well. “Besides you said it yourself; this is only the info grab.”

   Ned regarded him for a moment, his eyes squinted as he looked at his friend with suspicion. He sighed then, standing as well and gesturing toward the entrance of the dining hall.

   “Okay, then,” he said, resigned to Peter’s determination. “It’s your call.”

   Man, was this going to suck.

━━━━━━━━

A/N: peter what tf did u do to poor gwen? jk it’s not that bad, but they don’t talk anymore so.... also idk if the 114th is accurate bc nowhere in the marvel wiki did it say what cpt. stacy’s precinct was so i picked one in the area i liked. if you know which one is actually his tho hmu

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[manicwordsfleeing]

A Jumbled Drive pt 2

I shifted my weight, anticipating the moment the massive steel door opened. I’d never seen Rend in real life, I hope she’s as awesome as they say. Slowly the door began to swing open and all conversation in the room ceased.

Beginning!

The soft, dull rasp of boots echoed through the air. Followed by gasps and terribly high squeals. Strange how they can reach those notes now, but not in choir. Not that I sing in choir... or in public.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Rend for more then a couple seconds if I stayed where I was. Being short, for a superhuman, sucked. Turning away from the almost visible Rend, I took three running steps to the left and jumped the twenty or so feet to one of the plethora of large windows that lined the walls of the ballroom. I could have walked, but jumping made me feel superior. I stepped up onto the sill and turned toward the steel doors, just in time to watch Rend step into view.

Surprisingly, she looked... like a really cool aunt, in a weird sort of way. Light brown hair, with silver threaded through here and there, pulled back into a ponytail, a bright smile that could turn mischievous at any time. Brown, almost hazel, eyes that sparkled with endless amusement and wisdom. A slightly crooked nose, probably broken a couple dozen times to heal like that. Smooth tan skin. Other than blue lip stick and colored in eyebrows, I didn’t see any other sign of makeup. That was surprising.

Most older superhumans used a crap ton of makeup, due to public pressure, to look young, sexy, and energetic. At forty-three years old, Rend was still slayin’, a true queen. She turned the dark blue and gold sundress she was wearing into a red carpet outfit.

Wait... was she wearing combat boots? Hmm, a sundress with combat boots... Normally I would be semi-criticizing, but the boots were cute and she totally pulled it off.

Rend made her way down the walkway, waving and greeting. Blue Breeze, her guild, leaned over and whispered something, pointing out Conner, who had Tunani on his shoulders so she could see. Rend nodded.

“You!” She said, pointing at Conner. “You’re the guy who took that terrorist group ‘Challengers’ into custody, right?”

Startled, Conner froze before nodding, “Yes ma’am. I led the team that took them down. It was a group effort, I couldn’t have done it by myself.” He proudly told her, making eye contact with all those who were in the team.

All except for me.

I didn’t mind. I was used to being forgotten and left out. But that didn’t stop the small twinge of hurt I felt.

“Well, Conner I was wondering if you’d like to be one of my bodyguards for the escort to the ceremony.” She smiled softly, “I’ve heard that you’re the best around and I’d love to learn more about you. So, what do you say? Join me?”

“Of course!” Conner’s famous megawatt smile lit up his face, “Id love to accompany you.”

“Hold on now, what about me?” Tunani said, pouting, “If Conner’s going then I’m going too!”

Rend looked taken back, “Oh... well. If you can give me a reason to take you along, you come too.”

Tunani straightened—as much as she could without falling off Conner’s shoulders—puffed out her chest and proudly declared, “I’m his future wife!”

“Ahhh...” Rend struggled to keep from laughing, she failed. A cross between a bark and a chuckle poured from her lips. It had the potential to be unpleasant, fortunately it wasn’t. It was the type of laugh that made you want to smile and maybe snort. After she’d regained her composure, she addressed the deflated Tunani. “That’s a very valid reason. I don’t want to come between young love, you can come!”

Tunani, now inflated once more, squealed, wrapped her arms around poor Conner’s head, and started wiggling like jello cake on a speaker.

Rend had returned to walking and greeting with Blue Breeze close behind, when Tunani decided that revenge was sweetest served fresh.

Out of nowhere she popped up on the window sill beside me and yelled. “Hey Miss. Rend! Since I’m going can Black come to—EK—“ Her screech abruptly cut off as she fell out the window behind her, that I just opened and pushed her out of. All these months of doing that has made me deft at opening all the windows in the compound. I locked the window just as fast as I opened it. I hoped that Rend hasn’t seen, but the damage had been done.

Rend gasped at me, slowly covering her mouth. “Did you just...? Is she? Oh my gosh... oh my gosh!” Her eyes got impossibly big and she took a step... forward? She pointed straight at me. “You,” I knew that tone, it meant deep trouble. “I want you on my team. Anyone ruthless enough to throw that cute of a girl out a window must have guts of steel.”

Ok... that... that was unexpected. My face remained blank, but my brain exploded. Half of me was saying yes, but the other half said run. Guess which one I listened too?

None of them. I sat there in complete and awkward silence. Not answering her.

Her brows furrowed, she cleared her throat and tried again. “Ahem. Mr... Black, I presume, is there any reason for your silence?

Once more, no answer. She started to look concerned.

“Mr. Black. This is not an opportunity that’s just... given out. I’m personally extending this invitation to you. You’d be a fool to not accept.”

I tilted my head and softly sneered, as if saying Oh? I’d be a fool? Too bad, I don’t care. I knew she didn’t mean it as an insult, any other Hero would jump for this opportunity. To not take it is foolhardy. But i wasn’t a Hero, i was a captive forced to play their silly games and pose for whatever cameras they told me too.

“Are you deaf, or hard of hearing?”  Her words echoed on the outskirts of my mind. My head snapped up. What? She could Link?

“I seem to have finally gotten your attention-”

“No. Pick someone else.” I shot back at her.

“B-But i don’t want anyone else! The moment that little girl drew my attention and i saw you, i knew i had to have you on my team. Its just a week long road trip, plenty of fun!“

“I hate road trips. My answer is still no, it’s not changing.“ I stepped down from the window sill, and slowly approached her. “You really should be nicer when asking people to volunteer to die for you.”

The lights flickered, plunging the room into darkness. When they came back on I was gone.

I hoped she didn’t try and find me. The tone she had used when she called out unnerved me. Rend had used it a couple times on Live TV. It was the tone she used when she badly wanted something.

Rend always got what she wanted.

Tag List. (If you want to be added or taken off just tell me.)

@prettylittledemonbitch @karnelphan @hugo-vinther @idreamonpaper @theguildedtypewriter @feathered-quill (You two never asked to be added, but i feel like y’all would kill me if i didn’t add y’all.)

@writingmyselfintoanearlygrave (I'm tagging you just to prove that i’m actually writing!!)

[kaorei-endgame]

Fast Karate Game of the Year 2017 #1: Gravity Rush 2

I think about falling a lot.

Well, falling, floating, whatever. That part in Perfect Blue where she's in the bathtub, or in Ghost in the Shell where she talks about what would happen if she just ended up going down, and down, and down.

Kat doesn't fly; she falls. It's really just a semantic difference.

I suppose there's not much of a game to Gravity Rush, which I always suspected would be the case, which is why the overwhelming praise coming from even personal recommendations like @kidfenris and @psikick never got me perked up. The combat's pretty rough, even with the band-aid of Homing Kick Works On Everything. And for many interminable stretches, this game that is not a stealth game and has no mechanics/UI elements to allow for stealth gameplay, will throw you into back-to-back-to-back Pass/Fail stealth sequences and then when you finally clear them, ask you to do them again as side missions.

But damn, you can just fall. 

I suppose this game has objectives. It definitely has cute side quests where long-suffering Kat uses her awesome powers to do decidedly unheroic things like deliver newspapers, shill for a cafe, rescue a lost puppy, and take on day labor as a mover for a rich asshole. Her peppy Can-Do! anime girl attitude-and her put upon resignation with the asinine-yet-humorous requests of every townsfolk she comes across-sands the corners of friction, such that I didn't mind when I realized this was a super hero game, even though super heroes have always sucked. It has a nice story. It has kind of a bittersweet story, in a meta way, in that the best part OF the story is the last hour or two that encompasses what would probably be the whole of Gravity Rush 3 except while playing this they definitely realized they would never get the chance to make a Gravity Rush 3. 

So my game of the year for 2017 is a game I started playing on January 1st 2018, because it was half-off on the online store and we'd finished whatever we were streaming for the night and Graz had to go out to walk the dog. There could be no better kismet, and, across the two weeks where I spent most of my free time playing this game (and its DLC, and its predecessor) I feel somehow as if my brain reset. I found a rare video game where my objective was not to have an objective (despite the fact that Gravity Rush has almost as many objectives as any open world game does), but just to be. To feel the movement of my fingers as I double-tapped the shoulder buttons to readjust my trajectory. To feel, as if in my body, and not just my hands, that moment when you deactivate Kat's powers at full speed, that split-second where she hangs in the air like a clueless Wile E Coyote before gravity-real gravity, inescapable gravity-takes hold and sends her plummeting to earth. To work my palm against the rumble of the controller as she pancakes into hard stone, over and over, because, I don't know, falling animations are a wonderful thing about games, and this year, with Nier and Zelda, has been very good for goofy-ass falls. It's so frustrating, in Dark Souls, when you're so concentrated on a battle that you roll off a bridge and to your death, right? If it weren't, the Anor Londo archers wouldn't be the thing that bristles the whiskers of every player, big or small, when they reminiscence. 

But it's hilarious, too, right? It couldn't not be. The way the camera seizes and locks in place halfway down, but your character just keeps falling, and falling, until they're nothing but a tiny speck. I've always liked the shock of realization that an accidental death by falling produces in Dark Souls. The flare of anger and indignation is so pure and justified and so deep-rooted in your core, this ancestral memory of what unfairness looks like, in the moment that you just throw yourself into your outrage at this bullshit, this theft-only to snap back to your senses a minute later, maybe somewhat quietly chagrined, and try to laugh it off, under your breath, like "ahahaha… yeah, that one was on me."

What I like about Gravity Rush is Kat can be that speck, but nothing hurts her, no matter how far she falls. It is a game with no consequence, but it's also a game that tells you there are no consequences, which is a much rarer thing, where the Call of Duties and Assassin's Creeds are concerned.

While I was playing this game, I posted a lot of videos to twitter of sending Kat falling to earth. Those videos don't even represent even a hundredth of the times I crashed her into rock, grass, asphalt, ponds, enemy battleships, church steeples, a fire-breathing elephant statue or a ferris wheel. Partially I did it so much because I think video game characters smashing into the ground is hilarious/fucking rocks, but it's also because it feels like the most efficient way to get around the world, a lot of the time. It's like the game has schooled you in subtle Trigonometry. Gradually, your holds mold to a game that at first felt unplayable. I am an apologist for this, like I am an apologist for Resident Evil. These feel like games to me, a synchronization of the limitations of the player with the limitations of the game. What I crave from games is resistance. It's a completely worthless skill--a didactic lesson with no real bearing outside of video games. But let me tell you a secret: that's true of all video games. They're all stupid. They're all a waste of time. So is most of human life. I'm trying to find ways to be fine with that. I'm hoping I'll do that before anxiety makes me explode.

What I've pretty rarely craved from games is passivity. Even when I enjoy it, I don't enjoy it. When I'm mining my thousandth copper ore in World of Warcraft, there's a cognitive dissonance: the acceptance that I might need this brainless play, with the frantic, rabid desire to not. 

But I never felt that pull here. It was the rhythm of it. The constant micro adjustments of flight. The swoops, crashes, and soars. You are moving, and the shining purple gems that upgrade combat skills you never actually need are there like signposts to guide your descent. So are the sidequests. So are the races. So is everything. An excuse for forward motion, a series of tasks with no real bearing on anything, except instilling in me a peace of mind. In exploratory games like these, every outcropping is peppered with something to pick up that secures you a fractional bit of an incremental upgrade. That's what exploratory games are bad, because they incentivize exploration with garbage, because everything is a Piece of a Heart but now instead of 1 of 4 it's 1 of 400. For me, the one Assassin's Creed I played to competition was this ludicrous Lucy With The Football shit of seeing a chest on a ledge, climbing to that chest, and being rewarded with, like, 70 lire every time. So when I started this game, and saw giant, hovering pink diamonds twinkling from every outcropping I felt the swell of that instinctual revulsion towards collectibles, my superego vainly protecting me from the pull of my id, which always says "get those things, it will feel good. It will feel even better if you imagine getting all of them." But lurking behind that is always this tacit notion of, "every one of these things you pick up is a page of a book you didn't read or a word you didn't write."

For an hour at a time, basking in the music, all I would do was exactly that. I spent a lot of hours that way, suffused with the relaxation, basking in the float.

2017 was a bad year in a lot of ways. Specifically, for the purposes of this writing: personally, creatively, I did not exit it feeling super great. Christmas break was my last-ditch effort, and I flubbed that. And, playing through Gravity Rush 2, and its DLC, and the entire first game too, over the first couple weeks of January, I thought "well 2018 is off to just an awesome start," even as I acknowledged that maybe I was allowing myself space for my brain to reset.

What's cool, and I say this as someone who has never definitely felt like their brain has reset, to pull them out of a slump in that way (just in case you are also a person who has felt this way) is that this time: it actually did. The plans I'd deferred from the end of December started falling slowly into place at the end of January. They still are. Slower than I'd like them to, but at least they're moving. It's the first time it's happened to me, in this way. It's really bizarre, to feel like this is the first time I'm experiencing that. So I'm, at this point, almost two months late on finishing my Game of the Year, and nearly a month out from my #2 game (and I assume anyone who cared just guessed it was this anyway, I wasn't trying too hard to keep it a secret). But that's just a personally inflicted timeline anyway, so who gives a shit. 2018, I wanna get things done. That was my desire for 2017 too. But I'm approaching the idea that 2018 can be about getting things done in the speed that they're going to get done, instead of the speed I desperately need them to. I am making myself believe that is a possibility, and something about that seems possible, this time.

Tap-tap, goes my finger on R1. And move the analog stick ever so slightly. Hear the rush of air, and the distant strands of peppy music. Tap-tap, again, and I'm off, somewhere else. Even if it's the second half of the game, which is the whole of the first game, where the music is nowhere near as good as the initial town music, which was so raucous and so buoyant that often it inspired in me a desire to do nothing but fly upwards, testing how far I could fall into the sky before my power ran out, and then seeing how far I'd fall before it came back. That song, that song that was so peaceful and felt so kind. Touching upon these gems, triangulating among landmarks for a treasure chest hunt, and skidding to a magnetized stop on the craggy underside of a floating castle. And basking in the nature of the character on screen doing it, looking cool or clumsy, or both. Falling forever, until you are a speck, and the game doesn't even kill you when you run out of flight power over the vast abyss, it just teleports you back up wherever, and lets you try again. 

[geodiscovery]

Data Analysis and Interpretation Specialization

Course 1: Data Management and Visualization

This series of blog posts will chronicle my research and findings on an awesome journey to learn Data analysis and interpretation in the specialization course on Coursera by Wesleyan University.

Instructions:

The first assignment acquaints you with the data and encourages you to develop a research question. Five codebooks are provided, and you are also free to use your own existing data. You will submit a blog entry where you tell us (1) what data set you have chosen and (2) describe the association you would like to study. You will also prepare a codebook of your own.

STEP 1: Review the code books for the data sets made available to you. Choose a data set that you would like to work with.

Answer to STEP 1:

This step has graciously given the opportunity to either use datasets that we may provide or choose from the available datasets. These will be ultimately analyzed by Python or SAS (whichever I choose).

I have decided to go with the datasets provided. 5 codebooks and datasets were provided. These include:

1.       The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (AddHealth)

2.       The Mars Crater study

3.       A portion of the Wave 1 National Epidemiological Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC) study

4.       The GapMinder dataset

5.       Outlook on Life Survey (OOL).

After a careful review of the codebooks and the available datasets, I have chosen to work on analyzing the density of craters as a means of characterizing the ages of Martian surfaces.  The dataset provided has crater names (CRATER_NAME), Latitude and Longitude information of various craters (LATITUDE_CIRCLE_IMAGE, LONGITUDE_CIRCLE_IMAGE).

Step 2: Identify a specific topic of interest

Answer to STEP 2:

A fundamental challenge often posed in planetary science is in the determination of the surface of the planet has evolved over time. This information holds key to determining the dynamics of the planetary interiors. An example would be the frequency of volcanic activities within a region.

Simple methods can be applied on earth to determine the relative ages of the surfaces using radiometric dating techniques and stratigraphy. Using these very outstanding tools are only possible on earth or moon because of accessibility.

On Mars, the challenge would be how to we infer these ages using available data which are remotely sensed photographs of the planet. This can be achieved by theorizing that planets are formed by the accretion of smaller bodies which will impact and add to the mass of the planet. In essence, the largest bodies (the ones that would form the largest craters) were used up before the smaller ones, since there were fewer of the larger ones to start with. So as a rule of thumb: the larger a crater is, the older it probably is.

STEP 3. Prepare a codebook of your own

Answer to STEP 3:

My codebook has been taken from the following variables present in the list of the Mars Crater Codebook –

1.      CRATER_ID: Crater ID for internal use, based upon the region of the planet (1/16ths), the “pass” under which the crater was identified, and the order in which it was identified.

2.      LATITUDE_CIRCLE_IMAGE: Latitude from the derived center of a non-linear least-squares circle fit to the vertices selected to manually identify the crater rim (units are decimal degrees North).

3.      LONGITUDE_CIRCLE_IMAGE: Longitude from the derived center of a non-linear least-squares circle fit to the vertices selected to manually identify the crater rim (units are decimal degrees East).

4.      DIAM_CIRCLE_IMAGE: Diameter from a non-linear least-squares circle fit to the vertices selected to manually identify the crater rim (units are km).

5.      DEPTH_RIMFLOOR_TOPOG: Average elevation of each of the manually determined N points along (or inside) the crater rim (units are km).

a. Depth Rim: Points are selected as relative topographic highs under the assumption they are the least eroded so most original points along the rim.

b. Depth Floor: Points were chosen as the lowest elevation that did not include visible embedded craters.

Step 4: Identify a second topic that you would like to explore in association with your original topic.

Answer to STEP 4:

Topic that I would like to explore is if there is a correlation ejecta morphology and crater diameter. The finding may contribute to efforts geared at mapping regional variations in the distribution of subsurface water and ice on Mars.

STEP 5. Add questions/items/variables documenting this second topic to your personal codebook.

Answer to STEP 5:

MORPHOLOGY_EJECTA_1 – ejecta morphology classified. If there are multiple values, separated by a “/”, then the order is the inner-­‐most ejecta through the outer-­‐most, or the top-­‐most through the bottom-­‐most.

STEP 6. Perform a literature review to see what research has been previously done on this topic. Use sites such as Google Scholar (http://scholar.google.com) to search for published academic work in the area(s) of interest. Try to find multiple sources, and take note of basic bibliographic information.

Answer to STEP 6:

There are several references that have been made in the build up to writing this blog post. Ideas for the research and formulation of hypothesis were made after careful study of these materials. These literatures have been outlined in the references section.

STEP 7. Based on your literature review, develop a hypothesis about what you believe the association might be between these topics. Be sure to integrate the specific variables you selected into the hypothesis.

Answer to STEP 7: 

Research Question: What is the correlation between the density of craters and the relative ages of the surface of mars?

Primary hypothesis: Older surfaces tend to be densely cratered, while surfaces with few or no craters formed more recently.

Secondary Hypothesis: certain crater morphologies indicate a range of crater diameters.

Summary

This post has successfully covered the purpose for this blog post which is to acquaint myself with the data provided in order to help me develop a research question. The steps outlined in the instructions for the assignment has been duly followed. As the course unfolds, other posts will be made on how the datasets have been analyzed to be able to answer the research questions using Python programming language.

Thank you for reading my assignment.

REFERENCES

Barlow, N. G. (1990). Martian Impact Craters: Correlations of Ejecta and Interior Morphologies with Diameter, Latitude, and Terrain. ICARUS, 87, 156-179.

Barlow, N. G. (n.d.). Martian Impact Craters and Their Implications for Target Characteristics. Northern Arizona University. Department of Physics and Astronomy, Flagstaff, Arizona.

Barlow, N. G. (2003). Martian impact crater ejecta morphologies as indicators of the distribution of subsurface volatiles. Journal of Geophysical Research, 108(E8). https://doi:10.1029/2002je002036.

Impact crater provides insights into Martian craters. (2014). Nature India. https://doi:10.1038/nindia.2014.79.  

Hartmann, W., Malin, M., McEwen, A. et al. Evidence for recent volcanism on Mars from crater counts. Nature 397, 586–589 (1999). https://doi.org/10.1038/17545.

Hartmann, W. K., Malin, M., McEwen, A., Carr, M., Soderblom, L., Thomas, P., ... & Veverka, J. (1999). Evidence for recent volcanism on Mars from crater counts. Nature, 397(6720), 586-589.

Cabrol, N. A., & Grin, E. A. (1999). Distribution, classification, and ages of Martian impact crater lakes. Icarus, 142(1), 160-172.

Barlow, N. G. (1988). Crater size-frequency distributions and a revised Martian relative chronology. Volume 75, Issue 2, August 1988, Pages 285-305

Determining the age of surfaces on Mars. Retrieved September 29, 2020, from https://www.msss.com/http/ps/age2.html.

In Search of Martian Craters. (2020, September 29). Retrieved September 29, 2020, from https://earthdata.nasa.gov/learn/sensing-our-planet/in-search-of-martian-craters.

Why study impact craters?: AMNH. Retrieved September 29, 2020, from https://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/permanent/meteorites/meteorite-impacts/earth-impacts/why-study-impact-craters.

[thataspdfeel]

i really hope this isnt too intrusive but i was wondering if you have any tips on keeping up a good relationship/friendship as someone with aspd? ive gone through so many friends and partners over the years and i always end up alone like i am right now and im honestly lonely and my therapist doesnt really understand because he just said its for the best because abusive behaviour is common w aspd which made me scream and i dont know anyone who actually has aspd either :/

long answer so under a cut

ive kept this in the inbox and stared at it over and over again because of that fucking last bit like

fuck your therapist like deck him in the face. aspd etc people arent inherently fucking abusive thats not how that works. we have a really hard time connecting with people due to low empathy and have low tolerance for bullshit at least imo

oh also dont worry i dont find many things too intrusive. frankly, if anybody wanted to know how to keep a sex life nice, id answer that shit. like i have 0 concept of too intrusive lmao

also if youre lonely id honestly start out with a pet or two. that sounds really weird but if you get used to some asshole who cant communicate living with you, you start to tolerate others more. plus less lonely so win-win

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND HELLISHLY BIZARRE BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS: try dating sim games. this isnt to make you less lonely but to help you get better at communicating with others. like this is an actual scientifically studied thing. i cant remember where i found this out cause my memory is bullshit but hubs pointed me to it. its how he managed to keep my attention for so long. he knew how to properly engage with me and keep my interest through practice via dating sims. and when things are stale, he goes back to the dating sim textbook. like brings me flowers or goes back to wooing me AND IT WORKS

thats not to say his feelings arent genuine cause they absolutely are. these dating games just let him interact with me romantically easier for him. especially because hes like the human embodiment of golden retriever puppy with sunshine out its ass and he can EASILY come across as waaaaaay too much and these sims taught him how to tone himself down. whereas for people like us, theyd help us to play ourselves up so to speak. or just generally interact with partners easier

now if actual interaction isnt your problem, that you make friends or get partners easily but have a hard time with the maintenance, now thats a different problem and requires a different solution

first, find people you find interesting. it's so much easier to pretend to give a shit about people when you find them interesting because you actually listen to them when they talk to you. and this sounds like bullshit like ugh why do i have to pretend. well you do. you have to with everybody until you make a connection. the key is to find somebody interesting you dont mind listening to

make sure they dont mind listening to you either or they at least pretend to this is because relationships whether romantic or otherwise all rely on communication and listening to each others problems. ive had a few "friends" who expected all kinds of emotional labor from me but would turn tail or come up with excuses if i needed them. those arent friends tbh. those are leeches and dont keep those people around. also dont be one of those people cause emotional labor should go both ways

communicate. communicate. COMMUNICATE!!! ALWAYS!!! EVEN IF ITS PAINFUL!!! even if opening up is the last goddamn thing you want to do. in order to connect with people and to keep connection alive, you need to open yourself up and be vulnerable. and it can suck! it really can! but you dont have to cut yourself open just for a connection. basically share what youre comfortable with at first

later, once youve established honesty (and honesty is the key here) later, if youve got an issue with them? you can bring it up and be like hey it bothers me that you leave your socks everywhere. or i hate that you seem to only need me when your mom is being shitty. this lets them confront you too about things that make them uncomfortable. and, yknow, change when they mention something (so long as its not ridiculous like you drink too much coke or i hate that you have blue eyes)

AND ON THE HONESTY THING be honest about your dishonesty. what that means is letting the other person know you lie if youre a chronic liar like me. you have to be like ok so i lie a lot and usually its about stupid stuff and heres how you can tell. anybody who gives an actual shit about you will be like oh ok thats irritating but ok. just dont EVER EVER lie about big shit EVER like cheating or something like that (i mean dont cheat in the first place but you get my point) 

ive had like an empty bag of chips in my hand and hubs will be like "did you eat the chips" and i'll be like "no?" and it kinda goes back and forth like "i see the bag in your hand right there!" "no you dont" until about half an hour or so later im like "sorry i lied about the chips" and hes like oh its fine i get it. but he knows that while id lie about that or brushing my hair, etc i wont lie about if i took my meds or not etc etc. like be honest about your dishonesty dont hide it or itll create problems for later

let the other person know when you need space. because we all need space at some time or another. be like hey imma need to flake for like a day or so my life is a clusterfuck and i need some time to myself. or, like with one of my partners, im like do you mind if i just chill in the other room with video games/books/netflix/whatever for roughly x amount of time. i let them know its not them (even if it sometimes is at which point, i do let them know later what the problem was) and that i just need to be by myself. and yknow what? its made us all so fucking close when we've told each other when we need space

be honest about needing connection too. sometimes your life just goes all to hell and you need a cuddle buddy or somebody to go to coffee with. its scary making yourself so vulnerable and admitting that but honestly? the payoff is awesome because you have somebody there for you who will hold you through those times. and if they wont? walk the other way

and if it werent already clear, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A RECIPROCAL EFFORT because its not fun to be on anything one-sided. you dont have to magically develop empathy or wanting to be around people 24/7. you just have to make the same effort you expect with others

anyway those are the basics to making things work imo. IF NONE OF THIS IS HELPFUL or not the case for how to make things work for you, message again with specifics and i’ll do my best on the advice thing. just your ask was kind of broad so i answered it broadly

i hope this helps!!

[cerullos]

Hi! I'm not sure if anyone's asked you this before, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about your experience with the disney college program, like the application process and the role you were in and everything? I'm really interested in applying for next year but it's all a little overwhelming and it would be really awesome to hear from someone who's actually gone through it! Thanks so much!!

i had a college program tag, so if i had it would be in there but i think that tag ended up being mostly…casual day-to-day text posts rather than useful information about the program lmao. but yeah! i’m actually planning to apply again soon (applications for spring 2018 drop in mid-late august). there’s the application for the general disney college program, the culinary program and then various applications for professional internships. the regular college program will place you in a $9-10/hour minimum wage job (merchandise, attractions, lifeguard, etc.)  but professional internships are higher-paying, much more selective more like typical internships (roles at team disney and other office buildings on property, or career-specific roles like research development or marine biology at epcot). you’re allowed to apply for multiple professional internships on top of the regular college program (they suggest applying for no more than three iirc) and that’s probably what i’ll be doing this summer.

this will probably be very, very extremely long because…there’s a lot but skim as needed! 

professional internships require all the usual tedious prep-work (updating your linkedin, resume and cover letter, an application screening process and two phone interviews) but the general college program is a lot less rigorous! you get guaranteed housing, complimentary transportation, and free admission to the parks either way. applying for the regular college program is basically a three-step process. when the applications drop (in late august) you’ll fill out your basic information (personal information, work history, etc.) and they’ll also ask you to weigh your interest in each role. you can choose between “high interest,” “medium interest,” “low interest” and “no interest at all,” and if you genuinely don’t feel capable of performing a certain role or just don’t want to do it, mark “no interest at all.” they make a genuine effort to place you in roles you marked with high/medium interest, but if it’s a short-staffed season, they can assign you to a role you’ve marked “low interest.” that being said, imo try to avoid assigning “no/low interest” to too many roles, because a) it gives them fewer opportunities to place you and b) it makes it look like you care about yourself more than disney…not to be wild but disney Does Not Like That one bit. 

pretty much everyone is passed onto the second step which is the WBI (web-based interview) but this is where you need to be…careful. if you’re nervous, i would recommend searching “dcp web-based interview” on youtube, google, etc. for an idea of what you’ll be asked. if you’ve worked minimum wage retail jobs before, you’ll probably have seen something similar (i took a web-based interview to work at macy’s and it was somehow even worse than disney’s) but it’s basically gauging a) your competency (not w/ a specific role but just like: if a kid gets hurt, what do you do? if a guest complains, how do you respond?) and b) how much you value the opportunity/how hard you intend to work (like: do you mind working late hours? do you mind working holidays and weekends?). people will tell you to be honest…um. do not. literally no one wants to work christmas day and new years eve (i worked both), but saying that makes it look like you don’t care. a friend of mine attended a lecture during our program and someone involved in the application process basically confirmed that no one actually expects you to be honest…it’s a test of loyalty to the company. i was also told that if you fail the application process 2-3+ times and keep trying, they’ll automatically admit you because you’ve shown how much you care about disney…showing enthusiasm for and commitment to disney is literally the #1 thing they’re looking for. they’ll train you in how to do your job on site. 

the third step is the phone interview and it’s pretty typical of phone interviews, if you’ve ever done one before. i’ve actually done it twice (i got into the program earlier but had to decline the first time for personal reasons) and your interviewers are usually very friendly and patient…the whole thing lasts 10-15 minutes at most. again, you can google and youtube search “dcp phone interview” and find a list of the exact questions you’ll be asked. i’d recommend looking each of them over and getting an idea of how you would answer, but don’t type it out and read off a paper. you want to sound personable/cheerful/etc. (more so than in your average phone interview) and it’s worth being less than eloquent or stumbling a little here and there if you can stay smiling throughout the conversation. in my exp. they’ll start by asking general questions about your interest in the program (why do you want to do this program? how does the program relate to your area of study? are you comfortable living with multiple roommates?) with some one-offs thrown in like “what’s your favorite disney character?” then they’ll segue into asking you jobs about specific roles…usually 2-3. these are the roles they’ll be considering you for (like, if they start asking you about your experience with a video camera, you’re being considered for photopass. if they start asking you if you’re comfortable with public speaking, you’re being considered for attractions). at the end, they’ll ask you if you have any questions, and it helps to have one prepared (again, pretty general phone interview procedure). you can also request placement at specific parks or resorts at this point, but don’t expect a guarantee. 

re: housing, if you’re going alone, i would say to make a facebook if you don’t already have one (you’ll use it for trading shifts during the program anyway), join some DCP groups for your class and hook up w/ people to room with. they’ll ask you to rank the dorms in order of most to least interest…imo just put vista way last lmao. 

imo, it’s worth knowing going into this that the workload is no joke…you get a week or so to settle in, but once you’ve attended traditions (a 5+ hour lecture where you’re given your ID card and taken into magic kingdom for the first time) they’re going to load your schedules with lectures, basic training, disney history (subtle brainwashing tends to come with the territory w/ these) on the job training, and then you start work. while i was there, you were able to trade shifts either for a different day or for a free day, but i have two friends on campus now and they told me you can’t trade for a day off anymore w/o a leader’s permission b/c too many CPs were missing rent (they take your rent $$$ right out of your paycheck) so you’ll be working 5-6 days a week, and like i said, they absolutely will schedule you to work holidays. you can call out but there’s a points system (i won’t get into that) so you need to be careful when and how often you do. 

anyway…i was chosen to be a lifeguard which was a disaster. disney’s lifeguards are ellis-trained, which means you need to swim eight laps to qualify, and then go through three days of physically intensive training. i was fortunate enough to get Extremely Fucking Sick mid-way through this training, and had to transfer jobs (job-hopping is very, very hard to do and discouraged, so i wouldn’t count on that; i was told right there on the phone that they would see what they could do, but i could potentially be dropped from the program). but they allowed me to choose my role and my location, so…i was kind of spoiled. i was adlib (adventureland/liberty square) merchandise in magic kingdom. i loved my job very much, and i’m desperately hoping i get placed in magic kingdom again if i get in. i worked in all of the shops in lib square and adventureland (so like, the pirates of the caribbean shop, the shops in agrabah, the haunted mansion gift shop and the christmas ornament shop) (EDIT: i forgot to mention that one of the perks of merchandise is that you can pick up shifts at any store, across the parks, the resorts, ESPN and disney springs. so i’ve picked up shifts in most areas of magic kingdom and also hollywood studios; main street was my favorite place to pick up) but adventureland is in charge of the magic kingdom glow carts, and most of the college programs and younger cast members are assigned to glow carts 24/7 because we’re younger and it’s…a lot of work. this was a very specific outdoor/crowd-intensive role that you probably won’t be dealing with (they do have glow carts in all of the parks, so you never know!) but i adored it. i got to attend all of the christmas and halloween parties free, wear the christmas and halloween costumes, and watch all of the parades. i got to watch wishes every night (and occasionally celebrate the magic and other castle shows, if i was on main street or in the castle hub) and had lots of Magical Moments™ which you’ll learn about if you wind up in the program. 

this is absurdly long but there’s just…so much to cover it’s a little ridiculous. imo it’s a bit of a double-edged sword. if you do love disney/the parks, i really, super highly recommend doing this internship. if you’re not 100% up to your ears in childhood nostalgia for disney, the DCP will probably drive you up the wall from sheer, constant overexposure to all things disney. i left campus maybe one (1) time, for the orlando pride parade…i ate only at disney restaurants, talked only to other cast members (parks gossip and what fireworks shows are getting replaced with new fireworks shows, etc.), every single night out was at the parks. and i loved it but some…did not! if you do like it and want to continue, adding all of your cast members (especially leaders) on linkedin/facebook/etc. and keeping in touch with them is essential…i didn’t do that and i’m kicking myself for it daily. there are tens of thousands of cast members working at disney, and 10,000+ CPs alone…it’s an enormous community and it was a very strange thing to be a part of…sometimes very rewarding, sometimes exhausting! but if i was offered a free trip to wdw right now, i would feel weird about going because i feel weird about being there as a guest and ultimately valued my experience as a cast member so much more. so all that being said, i think it’s an experience worth having–again, if everything i’ve discussed here is your cup of tea. 

anyway, if you have any more specific questions i’m sure i could hit you up with a response of a much more reasonable length lmao. good luck, and if you’re planning to apply for 2018, i would definitely consider giving it a shot this august. 

[andymull]

WWE Superstar Shakeup Shakedown – The Hot Tag Review

And just like last year I knew not to do this review last week as there’s no way they know what they are doing…..then came more moves this week.

To begin the review we’ll start with the Raw roster in this piece and analyse the moves that have been felt on the red brand, how they will affect the wrestlers in question as well as the potential the moves could bring.

AJ Styles

The man that carried Smackdown Live the last few years makes the move to Raw, really this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone. He’s dominated with the WWE championship for a long time and turned back most competitors on that brand, once he lost the title this will have been planned to get him somewhere fresh with new wrestlers to go against.

The Seth Rollins factor will be an important one for Styles, if they really persevere with Seth as champion for a long time it could see Styles go heel if he can’t crack the number one face position, which isn’t a bad thing in the slightest.

Cedric Alexander

Im really happy for him to be moved up to the main show from 205 Live as similar to AJ he had faced most of the roster there multiple times and the freshness had long gone, the big difference here is that they will feel the need to re-introduce Cedric to the audience. I see them fearing most of their audience at home has never watched 205 Live, and lets be serious most haven’t, so Alexanders push on Raw may take alittle time to come to fruition, not that he wont be used he will but it will mostly be in defeat with him putting forward a great effort to gain support from the crowds to ready himself for the future options that come his way.

I see him gradually becoming a big threat for the US title with his pace and explosiveness, if it were me personally id be building towards a Ricochet/Alexander feud for the later part of the year over the title. A series of matches between those two would be awesome to see and will get great time on three hour shows.

Cesaro

One of the moves they decided to do after the shakeup had finished in splitting up The Bar for some reason, hopefully Sheamus’ neck/back issues haven’t returned. I know its all down to their ability to push a face but it should be easy to make Cesaro a serious threat on Raw, with the likes of Rollins, Styles, Ricochet, McIntyre, Mysterio, Joe and Zayn around he will fit in perfectly.

The big issue here is their reluctance in the past to give him the actual big push as the people in charge seem reluctant to follow through with it. Expect some bumps in the road for Cesaro’s climb up the card but hopefully his talent level will shine through throughout and see him comfortably rise to where he should be on the card.

EC3

He needs to be listed here as the other NXT talent brought up earlier in the year/the end of last year have seemingly been given their definitive brand, the next massive step for EC3 is to be noticed by the people in charge and given an actual program on tv that can give him the opportunity to impress as so far he has to be wishing he hadn’t bothered getting called up apart from the bump in pay.

Lets start by breaking it down for EC3 and where they need to start from, is he a face or a heel? Lets make him heel, lets give him Spud as a manager as their charisma together is awesome. Lets give him some squash matches on Raw to get over his character and move set, then we pick him a great first feud to make an impact in, lets pick Mysterio. It shouldn’t take longer than two months to give him some solid attention and love to see if he clicks with the Raw crowds, but he does have that IT factor they look for. But please, just don’t carry on with what we have currently for him as it isn’t doing ANYONE and favours.

Eric Young

A bit of a random move here in breaking up Sanity, a team they did zilch with that had some potential in the tag team ranks, but here Young is back as a singles competitor it seems. And I say it seems as I see some of the talent moving around getting put into teams to help the tag division, with EY being a main contender for that kind of role. And really that’s because it’s the role he was hired for in the first place in NXT, brought in as a team to help develop the younger guys he was with was his aim.

A lot was being made online about the amount of former TNA talent that have found their way to the Raw roster at this current time, and how they potentially could form a stable to give a number of wrestler’s purpose who maybe aren’t receiving much of an aim currently. While that would be a smart thing to do I don’t think its their first objective of something to try, though a mid-card stable would be fairly fresh.

Viking Raiders

Forget the name changes, forget the team name changes it wont help and will only annoy you lol

Great team that will be a big focus on Raw with the Usos and The Revival, give them a strong 15-minute match on the next PPV and the new fans that haven’t seen them much yet will be in love.

The Usos

Similar to Styles, have beaten all the teams on Smackdown and need a new scenery to look upon and work with, nuff said

Lacey Evans

The ‘Sassy Southern Belle’ has made Raw her home and is hopefully ready for the big push she’s about to receive. I love the solid background she has with the Seals as well as the lady gimmick she is currently using, I just hope they realise the best way to use it as it currently isn’t working as well as it can. For me you have her be the Belle outside of the ring but as soon as she steps into the ring the Seal comes out and is totally dominant and focused on beating her opponent, personally id be building from the get-go as a serious threat to Ronda Rousey. Don’t have her do anything that wouldn’t work opposite Ronda, no matter who it is you have her constantly be ready as it’s the best to get her over as a threat instead of someone just walking up and down the ramp posing.

Naomi

An interesting/strange decision to move her to Raw, if, you ignore the fact she’s probably been moved over solely because her husband has been as well. She had formed a team on SD Live but truthfully hadn’t been doing anything that mattered in a long long time apart from bitch on social media about not getting the big opportunity, but honestly when the company is focusing around Ronda and the main event of Wrestlemania you really aren’t going to be getting that shot by being snarky or driving the wrong way down one way streets in front of the police, and yeah it wasn’t her fault but still its not the look you need.

The women’s roster on Raw isn’t full of my favourites too much so she does have the opportunity at a fresh start over, hopefully she changes up her gimmick a little as it doesn’t click for me personally.

Rey Mysterio

Another strange move, one that feels like it was just done to generate some buzz for the next week or so then they realise they didn’t really have much planned for his future on Raw. Hopefully he gets some solid ring time on Raw and gets to work guys he wants before retiring, and that really is the main goal for him at this stage of his career. There isn’t long left with him at his level and his aim is to get his son into the business, let him develop and be able to team with him for awhile before retiring.

Sami Zayn

Ill put Sami on the list as he was a SD guy before the injury and returned around the Shakeup so…. Great talent who may need afew more week of matches to really lose the ring rust and get to grips with his new gimmick, then get him going in a feud.

One of the things I will say/point out is that Zayn and afew others will have a harder time of things now on the roster in looking a solid aerial threat or showing their speed in the ring as the company now has Ricochet, and Ricochet outclasses pretty much everyone on the roster in those areas. Its not a big thing for 90% of the viewers but for me some guys look a lot slower and more normal when in the ring with the likes of Ricochet.

Samoa Joe

Sadly he couldn’t make his Raw debut on the Shakeup show due to him being ill and didn’t get to make the impact by coming out to destroy Braun Strowman, now I’m not sure if he’s getting that feud just yet or if they’ve changed their minds as Braun wasn’t doing anything on Raw this week.

I had said recently about Joe on Smackdown Live that they needed to book him as a solid killer with the US Title to ready him to be the next big heel world champion, and that really should carry over here too. Id be looking to have him make the big move up at the end of the year and all my booking of Joe would be preparing everyone for that

The Miz

Personally I’m not a big fan of Miz and find it hard to see him as a solid threat to anything, decent wrestler but cant take that next step for me as I don’t see him as a tough guy, even defending the honour of his wife or standing up for his father he doesn’t come across as legit in the slightest.

And all of that is just solidified for me when they had him lose to Shane McMahon at Wrestlemania, and even after that in their interactions Shane still gets a solid amount of offence in on Miz as if Shane is a full time wrestler at the top of the card. They really need to have Miz fight Shane one more time for me to have Miz win resoundingly, finish with Gregg Hamilton announcing Miz as the new ‘Best In The World’ and have Miz finally move away from Shane completely.

 Some decent moves for Raw overall but they also needed them with Raw losing Reigns, and lets be honest with the WWE this list could still change over the next few weeks if Vince changes his mind. As well as that id expect some new tag teams to be formed with the new and existing talent, so that side of things could take a little longer to get past an awkward stage in the tag ranks.

We should give them all afew months then potentially come back to look at how each of the names listed have progressed and developed in the meantime, as usually this time period following Wrestlemania is one that’s a little slow with newer feuds being tried and newer talent getting opportunity so it should be full of experiments on tv.

Andy

(Credit to wwe.com for the pictures)