#not that liking it for the sake of it is bad but. idk. different intentions/focus.

[bleakfortune]

lalala la la lal ala la u dont have to read this your decision heed the warning tag

[andivmg]

speak up andi, I beg of you, you have been mistreated the most here, I know it took shubble a lot of courage but she has helped so many people

i want to start this off by saying it is not a competition and i do not want to compare my experience to anybody else’s. shubble is so fucking strong and i admire her and everyone else who has spoken up about experiencing abuse endlessly.

DISCLAIMER 1

this is way longer than i intended it to be. i did not plan to go into as much depth as i did but the words just kinda kept coming and i kept thinking that if someone else is in a similar situation to the one i was in, it would be good to point out even some of the smaller details so that they can see that these behaviors are not something to be overlooked and could be a symptom of a bigger issue… idk. i apologize for how lengthy and wordy this is but i hope it all makes sense somehow

DISCLAIMER 2

a lot of you know who one of my exes is and i am asking you to please not make this about him. i am simply sharing my experience with some of my past relationships in hopes that they help someone else. i beg of you, do not go on twitter making threads speculating on whatever because it’s just going to cause me a bunch of problems and i don’t want this to be brought to his attention. if you share my story, please do not do it with the intent of starting drama. if you share my story, focus on the behaviors i am talking about instead of trying to figure out if it’s about him.

DISCLAIMER 3

this goes without saying but i’ll put it here anyway: i will be talking about toxic relationships, mention of self harm, mention of sex, implied violence. if any of these topics are triggering to you please scroll away, protect yourself.

I have been in a lot of relationships, but there are 4 that i would truly identify as the ones who had the biggest impact on me. Two of those i would consider emotional mistreatment. I don’t want to say i was abused for reasons that i will be discussing with my therapist this week, but i can certainly say i was mistreated. For the sake of privacy, i will be referring to these two dudes as 1 and 6.

I think the biggest difference between 1 and 6 is that 6 was obsessed with me to the point where i felt like i was being suffocated, whereas i’m not sure if 1 ever cared about me in the first place.

6 and i started out pretty normally. we had a bunch of friends in common and we were around the same people. so eventually, we became friends too. we would text and call all the time until feelings developed into a relationship. in the beginning he was really sweet and caring, saying all the right things that got me falling head over heels. now, something important to note is that i am someone who has always had a lot of guy friends. when i was little and in school, my mom made friends with a bunch of other moms and those moms were boy moms, so i grew up surrounded by boys. i bring this up because 6 didn’t like my guy friends. actually, i think he just didn’t like the fact that i had guy friends at all. so, whenever i would hang out with my friends, it was a problem. so this resulted in me never being able to go out or hang out with my friends unless he was there. then it got worse. before we started dating he had decided to cut back on drinking and to stop smoking. so because of this, i decided that i wouldn’t drink or smoke around him in solidarity. this was not enough for him. i had to stop drinking and smoking altogether. so once, when i was hanging out with my girl friends we decided to stay in and get wine drunk. we posted about it on our private stories on snap and once he saw, 6 called me arguing and yelling at me because i was drinking and posting about it on my story for “attention”. after this incident, i was no longer allowed to hang out with my friends because they were a “bad influence”. he also didn’t like the clothes i wore. sorry, let me reiterate: he didn’t like my clothes when he wasn’t around. it was perfectly fine for me to wear a short dress… if i was with him. i was not allowed to wear “revealing” clothing if he wasn’t around. mind you, none of the clothes i wore were revealing, it’s not my fault i’m hot yk? he took over my life. who i talked to, what i did, what i wore, where i would go, it was all up to him. my life no longer belonged to me. and at the time, i was okay with that. i didn’t realize that he had so much control over everything. i was young and naïve and he convinced me that he knew what was best for me. that he had lived more than i had and experienced more than i had and that he knew better. he was so good at making everything my fault and making him the hero or victim depending on the situation. i got catcalled on the street? “because you were wearing that fucking dress again, andrea you know how that looks. of course you got catcalled. this is why you can’t wear things like that when i’m not around to protect you”. I decided to have a fun night in with my friends and get drunk? “i just don’t understand why you would be posting yourself on your private story like that. you’re drunk and vulnerable. why do you want other people, other guys, to see you like that? and you know i’ve cut back on drinking so how do you think it makes me feel to see that? don’t you love me enough to do this for me?” the worst part is i believed him. because, in the beginning, he helped me so much and i looked up to him so much, surely he had my best interests at heart, right? this relationship went on for way longer than it should have. you may be asking yourself, how did you leave? if you were so in love with him and entranced by him to the point where he consumed you, why did you leave? he raised his hand. that’s what got me to finally leave. a year after we broke up, i found out that he was drinking, smoking, and doing all kinds of shit he told me he wasn’t throughout our entire relationship. he was awful, and i’m really proud of myself for being strong enough to leave when i did. i’m also really grateful for my friends, who stuck out that whole train wreck with me. who i lashed out against in order to protect him and defend him. they stuck by me through it all and i don’t know where i would be without them so shoutout to them lmfao.

1 was a bit more complicated. it started out in a similar way. we had the same friends, hung out around the same people, so it was only a matter of time until we became friends too. we would call and text every day until feelings were developed. at least i developed feelings, i’m still not sure he did. i told him this and i don’t remember how the conversation went but basically we had decided that we were talking as more than friends now. enough time went by where i was ready for it to become a relationship and i communicated that to him. looking back, i think he felt pressured into the relationship by me and by our friends. anyway we started dating and everything was fine. we would hang out and talk all the time but i felt like he was bored or disinterested by me, so i would constantly beg for his attention. i became this needy clingy version of myself that i hated. it felt like when we would hang out, he was always distracted by something else. i basically felt invisible to him. that is, when i wasn’t hanging out with my guy friends. similarly to 6, 1 did not like my guy friends or the fact that i had guy friends in the first place. i had a guy best friend at the time who is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. let’s call him S. S and 1 were acquainted with each other, hung out in the same circles etc. but 1 still didn’t like him. sometimes, whenever 1 was busy doing whatever he did when he wasn’t with me, i would hang out with S, we would watch shows together and just talk. Some days, it felt like i talked to S more than my own boyfriend. this did not sit well with 1. he would ask “why the fuck are you always hanging out with him?” to which i would reply “maybe if you hung out with me more, i wouldn’t have so much free time to spend with him” (toxic ik but what can i say? i was feeling neglected). so you can see what problems this caused. eventually i cut S off. I stopped talking to him completely and i haven’t spoken to him since. Back to 1. even after cutting off my best friend, nothing really changed. He didn’t spend much time with me and whenever we would, i felt like he couldn’t wait to go off and do something else. this got exhausting. at that point i was begging him to love me, to pay attention to me, to care about me. this led to us breaking up. he broke up with me over text. it read, and i quote, “i think we aren’t meant for each other. i think you deserve someone that will treat you better than i do. I don’t think i’m in love with you and i tried to force myself to love you because i thought that’s what i wanted but i really don’t think it is. we started this relationship when i was just tired of being alone and i really just don’t think it is right anymore. i don’t think i am attracted to you. I am sorry, i really didn’t know how to end this and this probably isn’t the best way to do it but it’s time”. The relationship went on for another six months after this. granted, i should have had more self respect and never gotten back together with him but it is what it is. so after he told me that he didn’t love me and that he wasn’t attracted to me, we stayed “friends”. which basically meant that we did everything that a relationship involved. without actually being in a relationship. that is, until one of his friends hit me up. there was some flirtation going on but nothing serious. i was still in love with 1 but, at the time, i was in desperate need for attention and his buddy was there to provide it. when i told 1 about it he flipped out, called me all kinds of crazy and decided he was done with me. his friend and i talked about it and poked fun at the fact that he broke up with me but got mad at someone else paying attention to me. when 1 saw this (he ended up forcing me to show him the screenshots of the conversation) he was even more pissed and even more done with me. the next day he called me and we were basically back together again.

however, this time, i was meant to earn his affection. because i did something so unforgivable and atrocious, he was basically in the clear to treat me like shit. and he did. he would cancel plans to go hang out with his friends. he would only come over late at night, even when i had class the next day. i was basically at his mercy. we only hung out when he decided. we only spoke when he wanted to. i honestly can’t even recall us going on any date after that incident, save for one dinner. in short, i was not a priority to him. this, combined with some other stuff, really took at toll on my mental health. i entered a deep depression and began self-harming after being clean for 3 years. i sought out help and found a wonderful therapist who really helped me. but, 1 only saw this as one more problem. when we hung out he would complain that i was too sad. important note: because of that text he sent me i was incredibly insecure. so, little arguments would always end up escalating because i felt like he literally did not care about me and he would just keep making me feel like shit about being depressed. whenever we argued (which was very often) it would end in me locking myself in the bathroom, sobbing, nearly throwing up, while he was on his phone. i remember one specific argument started because he asked me if i would leave him for harry styles and i jokingly said yes (i am not and have never been attracted to harry styles). that argument escalated to the point where we almost broke up and he said to me “you should warn people before they fall in love with you that you are so mentally ill. because you’re always going to bring down the mental state of who you’re with”. he used my mental health against me like that a lot. whenever i would bring up something i wanted him to do or something that i didn’t like, he would call me needy, clingy, and say that he was trying his best but that i needed too much, that i was too much. all i wanted was reassurance. looking back, that’s all i ever asked for. whenever i would ask him if he loved me he would say “well i’m with you aren’t i?”. this is the same man who decided to go to vegas with his friends on my birthday after he promised he wouldn’t. this is the same man who said that he didn’t love me. the same one who said he wasn’t attracted to me. the same man who i would catch looking at other girl’s (some being his “friends”) provocative pictures on twitter. (this is definitely tmi so i’m just going to put a bunch of asterisks at the end of the tmi so you can skip there if you don’t want to read it) but there was a long period of time in our relationship where we had zero intimacy, and it wasn’t because of me. this fucked with my head a lot because i had this idea that because i was so emotional and needy that i could compensate physically. but when that stopped, my thoughts looked something like “the only thing i was useful for was sex and now he doesn’t even want that from me”.************whenever i remember this, a part of me thinks he might’ve been cheating on me during that time, but i have no proof so i guess we’ll never know. also during that time period, we were arguing over the same things over and over “it feels like you don’t love me” “but i’m hanging out with you” “that’s not the same as loving me” “you’re so fucking needy. and then you wonder why i don’t like coming over”. it was exhausting. we had the same friend group. and even our friends got so sick of us that they would tell me to break up with him. this went on for months until one day, on our one year anniversary, he told me that his plans for the day included playing video games. nothing else. that’s when i broke up with him. that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. i just couldn’t do it anymore.

we stayed friends afterwards in order to keep the peace within the friend group. after about a month, he told me he was going to do better. he said he was going to start going to the gym, and maybe even going to therapy, that he was going to eat better and live a better lifestyle for me. he said he was going to plan dates for us and treat me the way i deserved etc. very much vibes from that one euphoria scene. but i was done. maybe i didn’t communicate that well enough to him and that’s my fault. but i was really confused at the time and i didn’t know what i wanted. eventually we had a conversation and that’s when i told him that i was no longer interested in a relationship. i think i just didn’t believe him anymore. i didn’t believe that he would change for me or anyone else for that matter. through the entire relationship he was mean to me, he neglected me, belittled me, and overall made me feel like shit at worst and invisible at best. even when i would offer to plan things or suggest activities for us to do together, he would be disinterested the entire time or just cancel and make plans with his friends instead. and of course it was all my fault for one, flirting with his friend that one time, and two, just not being interesting enough. he made it feel like i wasn’t good enough, and at the same time victimized himself. he would tell me “nothing i do is ever good enough for you” while i was the one putting in all the effort in the relationship. then he would go “well why would i put in effort with you? remember when you were flirting with [redacted]? I still think about that and it fucks me up”. mind you, he would only bring this up whenever i brought up any concerns or issues. anyway, as you can tell it took me a really long time to realize that this relationship was toxic and unhealthy and i’m really proud of myself, again, for having the strength to leave and never look back. i think one of the reasons why it took me so long to realize that i was being mistreated was because everyone around him loved him. and to me it was hard to see how someone that was so well liked could be bad. so i felt like i was the problem. i felt like there was something wrong with me and if i just fixed that, then he would treat me better and love me and care about me. it took a lot of therapy to realize that he just wasn’t that into me. i was like a toy to him that he could just pay attention to when he was bored but ignore me the rest of the time. but then, when someone else showed interest in me he would suddenly care and be like “no she’s mine, you can’t have her”. he didn’t want me but he didn’t want anyone else to have me and that was the bottom line. that was the base off all the problems and toxicity that happened while we were together.

in conclusion, both of these men were awful in their own unique ways. i hope that by sharing this, someone who is in a similar situation will see it and identify these behaviors as something to watch out for. i hope that someone will see it and realize that they are not alone, and that they are not the first person to go through it, and that it gets better. these events all happened over two years ago and now i am in a beautiful and healthy relationship, i’m studying something that i am passionate about, and i am surrounded by people who love, care about, and support me. i am in a much happier place now and you will find that too, whoever you might be <3

[writingonesdreams]

Avatar 2 first impressions

Spoilers ahead

A visually stunning movie with three main parts. The longest middle part focused primarily on the world of the sea, the breathing (reminded me of Wimhoff breathing techniques that got so trendy during the pandemic), the environment and sea life. Enchanting water scenes, I loved it.

The tukun whale like hunt was chilling to the core. You get these majestic intelligent creatures being killed for fun, sport and an anti age serum and it was heartbreaking. Like Seaspiracy. Impressive way to remind you what's happening to our seas.

I was missing Jake and Neytiri a lot. I loved them in the first movie and I loved all their scenes, but the focus decidedly shifted from them to their kids, which was...intentional on Cameron's part I guess, but I didn't like it. I'm too old to resonate with teenage narratives and their whining of "it's so hard to be special!" and "they just seem me as an outcast cause of my fingers" was annoying as hell. Like Jake was a Sky person, a human in artificially made avatar body - that's hostility and change your ways difficulty on another level. And he still made it as a warrior, chief and a legend. I guess it's unfair that they were born with these prejudice by no fault of their own...but damn, you would think they would be more secure in their idenity and who their dad is and what he achieved. Torukmakto for hell's sake! (The scene with Neytiri roasting Ronal for speaking disrespectfully to her husband was badass. Go Neytiri. You chose a pretty cool guy.) Human legacy is a shameful thing here with all the terrible destructive stuff they do, but Jake did what he did as a human, he was chosen as a human and for me that sends the message that there is still something good in humans/humanity, with individuals like Grace and Norm and those who fight for Pandora and nature. Like, get over yourselves having 5 fingers or cool powers no one else has.

Spider being a human boy so deeply entangled with the Na'vi culture also seems to make a point about this. Yes, humans are the main antagonists in Avatar, and they do horrible things, but Spider shows it isn't being human that makes you bad - it's what you are taught and what you ultimately choose to do with it. Being a Na'vi didn't make Quaritch a better person after all, even when he was learning a bit more about them.

Idk all these teenage idenity angst was just incredibly childish. Maybe it's justifiable for them being teens and all but seriously, why are you complaining you are special? I will admit they did adapt pretty well to the new sea world. They do take after their dad ;).

Jake has a very interesting conflict going on as a father. On one hand he is the legendary warrior, prone to life threatening downright suicidal stunts to do the right thing or fight to save the day. And his sons are very eager to follow his footsteps and "live up" to him. And Jake is understandably...not okay with this. He is scared. He wants to keep them away from the main action as scouts. Reviewers have been complaining Jake is a bad parent, that he had too much of a military approach and was hard on them, but wasn't Jake making the best of the situation? Invaded and in a secret attacks war on humans, trying to keep them all alive?

His distance and conflict to L'oak especially is reflecting this. Jake is teaching Neteyam right now, having him on flights and leading scounting missions from time to time. He is not ready to let either of them fight on their own, he is making baby steps of teaching the oldest, when L'oak comes with his reckless missions to prove himself. Jake just wanted to protect them longer. They were going at a different pace.

The refugee storyline is interesting and parallels the first movie. Coming to a new place, having to learn new ways and rules, adapting.

Jake didn't bring the distaster on the Metkayina from what I can see. Their tukuns were already hunted for the anti-age serum. They were coming either way, that's why that showed that scene and explicitly said the whole current invasion was financed by it. Jake and his family brought Quaritch after them, but a confrontation would have come because of the tukuns regardless. I don't know why so many are blaming Jake for all of that, he was just trying to protect the Omaticaya tribe and his family, by hiding them away.

Quaritch had an interesting arc. It was cool seeing Spider and the Na'vi way and nature having an effect on him - like Quaritch not killing any of the villagers on the Islands, with his personality and temper? Because Spider asked him? That was wild. And them giving up Kiri as his only advantage over the Sullys in the final to save Spider's life? I wonder if there is any chance of Quaritch ending up helping Pandora or Jake in the future. He didn't mind killing any of the wildlife/tukuns though...

That scene with Quaritch finding his dead original's body was chilling. That final there was epic.

The ending battle was way smaller in scale and too focused on the kids and their inability to save each other. Big applaud for Jake and Neytiri managing to save them so many times though. When it came to facing humans and Quaritch, they both lived up to their legendary warriors reputations from the first movie. Loved to see Neytiri going feral over her kids.

The last one on one fight with Quaritch was awesome. Close quarters hateful intimacy. The way Quaritch was making promises to hunt his whole family down and Jake who was on the leave, saying, damn it let's go now then, was pure moment of awesome.

I love love love that the final final scene wasn't any epic fight or whale attack or a big explosion. It was a eerie sad scene of the family divided into pairs trapped under the ship (Titanic vibes), with the children saving their parents. Jake being calmed and taught how to hold his breath by L'oak, Kiri using her connection with Eywa/nature to find and guide Neytiri out...and Spider saving Quaritch.

Idk it felt right and wrong for him to do it. On one hand Quaritch is too great an enemy to pass up of for sequels. And I understand and sympathize with Spider becoming kinda attached to him too and saving him in naive compassionate human stupidity. On the other I was really hoping for him to die and Spider's move felt like a betrayal to the Sully family he belongs to.

Anyway the kids showing that they are not completely useless and actually saving their protective badass warrior parents was great. I love when the caretaker role gets switched around a little.

Jake kinda balancing between being true to his risk loving fun sarcastic nature and a diplomatic proper Na'vi parent was part of his distance to L'oak. L'oak didn't see Jake asking Neteyam, if the bullies were worse off than his kids and that playful proud smile of his. He just saw Jake scolding him and trying to make it good as an unproblematic refugee to the local leader their staying depended on.

I didn't really understand or emphasize with L'oak feeling like an outsider although that was obviously the parallel that connected him to Panayacan. So he has 5 fingers, cool strict dad leading rebellions and armies left and right who would like him to stay safe as long as possible in a very unsafe world. People say Jake focused on Neteyam too much to see L'oak, but I honestly believe Jake was having a hard time allowing Nateyam to tag along in the first place. He couldn't take L'oak at risk too.

Then again I was really expecting Neteyam to die by the final fight. There was no tragic death in sight to mirror the first movie's structure, the danger was prevalent enough, the kids were being reckless enough...and I don't think it was avoidable no matter how much Jake tried. In war conditions like these, there was no way for everyone of his family to survive. Maybe if he accepted that fact sooner, he wouldn't be so strict with his kids and they wouldn't want to rebel and prove themselves so much. But then again, hard to accept a fact like that. At least they can all meat again in Eywa.

I liked Kiri. Total Jesus/Anakin Eywa made miracle child. She had that special connection with nature, just a shame they didn't figure it out sooner or that she didn't use it more. I was so happy about her controlling the corals to protect her siblings. Go Kiri! Her solitary thoughtful little meditations and connection to nature were beautifully made. Also Jake talking to his daughters was so doting and cute.

Why did they take Tuk to every possible risky place they could find? Did they just want screen time for her? Seriously. "We are going on a forbidden mission to warn an outcast tunkun. Let's take the youngest, most vulnerable and most likely to get captured or killed sibling with us." Pfff.

To sum up, it's an interesting movie with surprising emotional weight for it's simple plot, with breathtaking aesthetics and water shots that made you wanna protect and respect nature so much. Too much focus on the kids/new generation for my tastes, would have likes to see more of Jake and Neytiri, but they had a good conflict going on with their children, the right time to fight and to run and with protectiveness vs cause. It's not as good as Avatar 1, but I have some favourite scenes to rewatch anyway.

[fragilecapric0rnn]

Steddie Fic Rec #2

Like most, the Steddie brainrot is still very much active. I’ve also discovered that I love making rec lists, so here is another! There’s not much cohesion to these ones other than the fact that I just really enjoyed them, so you should enjoy them too!  

In order by word count:  

Up the Punks by @sparklyslug 

Steve has good intentions, but does not realize that punks and metalheads are natural enemies

Explicit. Completed. (Word Count: 5,505)

Oh, sparklyslug, how you’ve managed to steal my heart with your Steve and Eddie in only five thousand-ish words. As if I could expect anything less from ½ of the brains behind the Fair Ithilien series, it makes perfect sense for their solo work to be fantastic! 

This fic is perfect if you’re looking for something short, sweet, and hilarious. Like the dialogue and characterization is just so *chefs kiss* I could basically see the interactions very clearly in my head and it’s just too good too perfect. 

the boys of summer by steveharringtoned

(Steve knows Eddie’s alive. Wayne’s the only one who believes him. So they team up to save him.)

Not Rated. Completed. (Word Count: 19,926) 

A very creative fix-it fic and like a very interesting and creative way in which Eddie is saved. I am honestly such a sucker for Uncle Wayne being included in the plot of fics, especially in the context of him being like ok sure there’s another dimension being hidden by the government, so how the hell do we save my boy. And Steve. He is just so stupidly brave and the characterization of him and his grief in this fic is just so good and different than what we typically see in fics from his POV. The dude is hurting and sometimes being hurt can be ugly and the way the writer shows that is just sooooo gooooood. 

all the missing girls are hanging out without us by @greatunironic 

“Here is a riddle: the answer is one.” Eddie Munson lives, and dies, and lives again.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 20,761) 

Another instance in which greatunironic does THAT. I have seen people call this a kind of feminist take on the ways in which the D*ffer Bros treat their women characters as plot devices and dispose of them at ease for the sake of the plot, and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t want to give too much away in this, but I will say this: Eddie’s characterization in this is SO GOOD. He spends the first chunk convincing himself that he’s tripping balls and if that isn’t an Eddie mood than idk what is. 

Quick note: the Steddie in this fic is more implied and is not the central focus of this fic. 

Not Exactly Napa Valley by @twiceasfar

The fake relationship AU that literally no one asked for. Featuring Steve and Robin as platonic soulmates, a destination wedding to a winery, and a thrilling quest to piss off Steve’s parents.

Robin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Eddie would be the perfect date for the wedding!”

Steve freezes.

“Whose wedding?” Eddie asks.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 28,900)  

This fic reminded my how much I love the fake dating trope. I always find it interesting to see everybody’s different takes on what Steve’s parents are like, and how we just all agree that they’re awful. Despite that, this fic was very fluffy and had me blushing and giggling like a child. The buildup was so good and the pace was perfect and I honestly love this fic so much. 

The Spaces In Between by @indibdraws

Steve Harrington, ex-lifeguard and babysitter extraordinaire, happens to be blessed with knowledge of first aid. Eddie is the recipient of this aid, and as he recovers he must learn to live with the fact that he owes his life to a prom-king with a 12 step haircare routine. This would be easier if he didn’t find said prom king so uncomfortably attractive.

And if the world would stop ending for five minutes.

Geez.

Explicit. Not Complete. (Word Count: 80,210) 

Typically, I try not to read fics that are unfinished, but this one ended up on my dashboard 5 times in the span of an hour and my impulse control is bad and THANK GOD IT IS BECAUSE HOLY HELL. THIS FIC. This writer should be in the writer’s room for s5 and it is honestly a crime that they aren’t. Like yes, this is a Steve/Eddie fic, but it is also SO much more. The use of canon to create an ending that was satisfying to the store and gave the characters their justice. I cannot explain how much this fic has ended up imbedding its way into my heart and soul. As soon as it's completed, I'm going to reread it again and again and even when s5 premieres I am probably going to prefer this over canon until the day that I die.

Doing Nothing With You by @red-0ak-tree 

Steve and Robin get a two bedroom in Hawkins. It's perfect, except for all the ways it isn't. Drafty windows, clogged drains, shitty landlord. But it's got a couch. A couch that's often occupied by Eddie Munson. Home isn't really the kind of thing Eddie has much of anymore, ever since his trailer became the primary source for all his nightmares. Luckily, he knows of a semi-comfortable couch where he's always welcome.

Despite all it's problem, the house has perks. Primarily, it's somewhere Steve can actually call home. Secondarily, it's somewhere he can share with the people he loves.

AKA: The fruity four live in a convoluted roommate situation, and romance happens along the way.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 106,402) 

The fluff. The fluff. THE FLUFF. Ok, yes, there is more to this story than fluff, but this fic makes you feel like your drinking a cup of tea on a rainy afternoon in your cozy living room and a comfy blanket. The way we see these two fall in love over the course of a year and the buildup and just the comfort. God. It’s just so good. I love seeing Steve’s relationship with Joyce and how he really leans on her and how she just loves him like one of her kids. If you loved Lovesick in Loch Nora, you’ll love this one! 

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[haleigh-sloth]

what do you think about the development of bakugou and deku’s relationship so far? or just about bakugou’s character development in general?

i’ve seen pretty mixed reactions to bakugou’s character development. there are some that are happy with it, there are some that are extremely critical, and i’ve even seen some people compare him to endeavor.

when i first started mha, i didn’t like bakugou at all, but he’s changed a lot since the first chapter. i personally like his development, but i still think that there’s quite a bit way to go. bakugou has atoned through his actions, but he has yet to verbally apologize.

(sorry if you’re not interested in this topic, i just like hearing people’s opinions on it.)

Any of the main characters I'm cool with talking about. It's the side ones I truly don't care to talk about lol.

So Bakugo---whenever I FIRST started BNHA (before Shigaraki's intro) I was super invested in seeing a friendship develop between him and Midoriya because I'm a sucker for enemies to friends. Idk why I just am. Not too long after starting it though it quickly became obvious that they'd become friends so I wasn't as invested. It was too obvious, and then at that point I had completely shifted my focus to the League. So I just kinda took whatever happened with Bakugo and was cool with it. But as far as forming an opinion on his character and everything that's happened so far, and addressing some of the stuff you said about Endeavor, yeah I have some thoughts.

I actually ranted a bit about what I think of Bakugo's arc here, and I'll just go ahead and throw in what I said since I was about to repeat myself. Also forgive my harsh words toward Bakguo he's on my list of favorites despite how many times I call him a piece of shit lmao:

To be honest Bakugo's arc is one of the best, in my opinion. It kinda hit that break through point in the war arc where he made a sacrifice for Midoriya, and now we need to see how it carries out from here.

But the thing about Bakugo is that he's supposed to be a POS. Like seriously he sucks. At first. Nobody in real life would ever put up with a person like that lol. But this is a manga where behaviors are majorly exaggerated for comedy (his explosive anger) and for dramatic effect (his anger toward Midoriya for literally no reason other than personal insecurities), and the people in BNHA-verse are willing to put up with said behavior. Anyway--the reason I think his arc was handled really well is because:

He's a POS person who was actually punished in-story over and over and over again. Rightfully so. He's an asshole who bullies Midoriya for being quirkless. And then he gets captured by a villain, which leads to a lot of city damage and him feeling humiliated because he had to be saved by--you name it--Midoriya. Then once again his pride causes him to lose the first match at UA. Then he wins the sports festival in a way he never ever wanted.* Then because of his asinine behavior at the sports festival the villains genuinely think he's better off with them because it seems like he's being held back by society (he was in chains after all--big yike) and he gets kidnapped. Him getting kidnapped leads to All Might retiring while trying to save him. Then he fails the licensing exam and falls behind his other classmates. He finally starts to show some progress and stops getting punished by the story right around the second Deku vs. Kacchaan fight. That's when he starts actually improving. Somewhat.

*So about the Bakugo being compared to Endeavor--I've seen two attitudes toward it. Some people think it's a horrible comparison and gross and just whatever. And other people, like myself, see that comparison as quite fair, and deliberate on the author's part.

It doesn't take much reading comprehension to see that Bakugo is desperately in need of a change, because he's at risk of becoming--well--bad.

But the thing is, he was never EVER at risk of becoming a villain. That was never going to be an issue. He was at risk of becoming a much worse person and embodying more and more of Endeavor's negative qualities. Bakugo wants to be number 1. He wants to be number 1 for the wrong reasons. This is not up for debate. Citing what I said above--he was willing to go to extraordinary lengths to win matches at school not for the sake of being a better hero, but for the sake of making him feel better about himself. It's an insecurity thing, and he needed to work on it. And he has. But before he progressed at all--he had to face narrative punishment over and over again.

Bakugo and Endeavor are similar on purpose and they're compared in-story for a reason. People can separate Endeavor from the rest of the narrative all they want but he's a character just like everyone else, and there are intentional parallels and foils in place for him. Similarities between the two:

They both want to be number 1--for the wrong reasons.

They want to go about it the wrong way. Endeavor using his children to live vicariously through, Bakugo trying to get rid of Midoriya by bullying him into not applying to UA because he feels threatened by him. Bakugo continuing to go after Midoriya for his own personal reasons, when it doesn't benefit his development as a hero.

They physically and emotionally hurt others for their ambitions. And look, I'm not putting bullying on the level of abuse by any means. But they both hurt others for their own selfish reasons. They do, and that's a similarity between the two.

They want to feel better about themselves and so they don't want their egos hurt. As it was pointed out to me today by the genius @redphlox, while we were floating in a river in Somewhere, Texas--they were both granted top positions in a way that hurt their egos. Bakugo at the sports festival, Endeavor with the hero billboard charts.

Where there are similarities, there are also differences. Bakugo learned from his punishments. He gradually changed and made progress and improved as a person. Kind of. He's still an asshole but as stated above he had a huge turning point in the war arc when he went all sacrificial on us*. I'm hoping that we'll see him start viewing the villains differently now that he's back in the picture and it's bound to be a topic of discussion with Midoriya. I don't know what Bakugo's end game is but I think we're gonna see him grow more empathic as time goes on.

*Another prediction planted in my head by @/redphlox is that Bakugo getting skewered to save Midoriya might mirror the same way Endeavor sacrifices himself to save his son. Again, I don't think he'll die but I think we'll get a "GASP WILL HE DIE??" moment.

Sooooo yeah I'm pretty cool with Bakugo's character arc so far. It all depends on how it plays out from here. I think we'll see a lot of him and Midoriya working together. I think he'll help save Shigaraki's body, while Midoriya saves his heart and soul. I think it'll be a team effort between the two to get the job done. And I think he'll be a great member of the main group in the final battle. I'm excited to see how he's used in the story from here on out.

[fuckyouquiznak]

Jschlatt's Return

= Future developments in the Dream SMP plot (theories)

How does resurrection work?

• According to Philza and Eret to revive someone his ghost must be killed in the same way he lost his last canon life (that would also explain why Glatt and Ghostbur came back online recently).

• We also know they may need a totem and the knowledge of the resurrection book, which is now kept somewhere out there in the server, considering Dream said he didn't have it physically in prison with him. (He also said he destroyed it, but do we trust him? Absolutely not)

• We didn't see Tommy's revival from Dream's point of view, so it could be that Phantommy actually appeared and Dream easily killed him on the same spot of Tommy (maybe using the clock or his mask as a totem idk), but we still don't know what kind of information the book provides and how resurrection really works.

What is going to happen?

1. Quackity and Sam

• Quackity's last stream made pretty clear Big Q's intention of taking the book from Dream using all the means possible.

• However, despite the torture, Dream won't give any information. First of all he doesn't like Jschlatt, because he finds him annoying and boring (not like Wilbur) and second, of course, he knows the book's knowledge is the only thing that prevents other people from killing him. And then again, why should he give away the same power that made him a god? Quackity won't kill him without the book, and he is used to pain. Moreover he'll have some company at least.

• Quackity won't give up. He will keep visiting Dream everyday and will eventually start to like making him suffer.

• Sam instead will feel more and more guilty for what he made possible and for the person he became. He has changed since Tommy's death. He had promise to protect him and then he failed him. And then everything went wrong. He likes to believe that Dream deserves this for what he did to Tommy, but he is not sure that's the right way. Sometimes he even feels sorry for him, especially after Quackity's visits. After all Dream is just a broken person. Isn't he?

2. Tommy and the boys

• Meanwhile Tommy goes to Puffy's therapy sessions and opens up about his traumas and fears. It's hard, but it really helps having someone to talk to. Especially now.

• Since he returned to the server he has felt so lonely.

• Everyone treats him differently. Some people see him as miracle and keep asking inappropriate questions. Some others pretend nothing happened. For few of them the server just moved on; for others he is still dead.

• Even so he can't focus too much on himself right now. Stopping Dream is much more important. If Wilbur comes back... he doesn't even want to think about what he is capable of.

• They need to kill Dream, but Tommy is still too scared to come back to prison or to even touch a sword. Every time he suffers a damage he can't breathe: it's like it's happening all over again.

• He can't stay at his house anymore, on the ashes of L'Manburg, nor at his hotel, which is in Jack's hands, and he doesn't want to be alone (it reminds him of exile).

• He'll pass the time at Ranboo and Tubbo's, meeting Michael and working out a plan to kill Dream.

• In Tommy's stream Tubbo showed him his investigation report, pointing out that both Foolish and Ranboo were online when someone damaged the prison (before Tommy's dead).

• Tubbo obviously blames Foolish, nonetheless Tommy understands that something in Ranboo is corrupted.

• He tries to warn Tubbo, who underestimates his friend's words, thinking he might just be jealous of their relationship. They fight. It's a huge argument.

• "It's like you don't want me to be happy" Tubbo screams, shaking his head.

• "I don't want you to be happy without me" as soon as these words leave Tommy's mouth he immediately regrets it.

• Tubbo stays silent for a while. He seems disappointed: "You've changed".

• Tommy tighten a fist. "That's what death does to people, Tubbo, it changes them".

3. Kinoko Kingdom

• At the end Tommy will leave Snowchester and will move into Kinoko Kingdom (he liked the sign of the "free stuff", so why not?). Tommy there is welcome.

• He explains the Wilbur situation to the others, but then something bad happens.

• Hanging out with Sapnap, they talk about Ranboo and Dream's friendship and about how he acted when he received the ":)" message.

• It turns out Ranboo is guilty for the explosions in the prison that kept Sam busy during Tommy's visit to Dream.

• Tommy shows Tubbo the evidences.

4. Platonic Divorce

• After that, the platonic husbands will go through a "divorce arc".

• "How could you?" Tubbo can't help crying and screaming. "I trusted you".

• Ranboo wishes he could do something. But he is scared. He doesn't remember any of that. Did he really help Dream? Why? He doesn't...

• "I kicked out Tommy, my best friend, when he most needed me because of you! I think you should leave".

• Tubbo goes back to Tommy, apologizing. "You were right". And as much as he hates Ranboo, Tommy is broken-hearted seeing his best friend that hurt.

• However he can't help smiling when Tubbo says: "Guess it's just you and me against Dream like it has always been". It's selfish, but he really missed his best friend.

5. Connor's betrayal

• Sam talks with Connor about his doubts related to the all 'torture thing'.

• Connor tries to comfort him and decides to visit Dream with Quackity.

• Dream is relentless: "That villain arc you sewed for yourself is nice. But I won't tell you anything. And the book doesn't exist anymore, now. You can control every book in the server. It will not bring it back" saying these words Dream keeps his eyes on Connor. "The only way to find it should be... be able to travel in time"

• Connor freezes.

6. Karl's arrest

• Karl finds the resurrection book during one of his travels.

• He immediately plans to give it to Tommy, but when he comes back, someone is waiting for him in the library.

• "Well, look what the cat dragged in" Quackity stays still, his arms crossed, next to Connor and Sam. They all wear armours. "So it is true. That's a huge secret you have, Karl"

• The library behind them is destroyed. Books lie on floor ripped. They were looking for it.

• Karl puts the book of Necromancy back, his voice shaking as he realises Sapnap and George aren't there. "What are you doing here?" He asks, making eye contact with Connor, who quickly looks away, ashamed.

• "I'm sorry, Karl" he whispers "But Jschlatt is my friend"

• Quackity walks slowly towards him. "Give me the book, Karl". He has a creepy smile on his face. Is that even the same Quackity? This one looks different.

• "Quackity, you don't have to-"

• "Don't tell what I have to do. If you refuse, I might have to declare you under arrest"

• Karl holds the book tighter. If he gave him the book... no, he can't do that. For Tommy's sake, and for the rest of the server. If the book has the power to revive Wilbur... it must be destroyed. He grabs his sword, ready to fight.

• Quackity looks disappointed "You didn't give me another choice, man" he says, before killing him and taking the book from his inventory.

7. Dream and Karl

• Karl is later taken to the prison and put in Dream's cell.

• "Well, green boy, seems like you service is no longer required. However, I want to keep having fun with you. I'll revive Jschlatt, and then I'll execute you publicly. Enjoy your last hours: I got you company" Quackity leaves with a victory smile on his face.

• Dream looks horrible. He is covered in blood, his body painted by new scars. Karl has never seen him like this. His hearts are low and he hasn't eaten in days.

• Dream is the first one who speaks: "You found it".

• Karl freezes. What does that mean? "I though I had hidden it too well" he keeps saying, washing his blood away. "Maybe I should have really destroyed it"

• How cool would it be if Dream actually hid the book in the timeline? He couldn't burn it. Otherwise if he died no one would have revived him. So he just hid it where only Karl could find it.

• So yes, Dream knows Karl's power because he has a similar one. And yes, the prison was actually built for Karl (that's the only theory I care about).

• "We are not that different, Karl. Forgetting the people you love.. I know what it feels. I can help you controlling it. Have you reached the In between yet?"

• What if Dream is the one leaving Karl books and suggestions about his travels?

• They spend some time together and they surprisingly get along well. It's like someone finally understands.

8. Sapnap's lore

• Sapnap finds out Karl has been arrested, but he doesn't know why. He is angry.

• He faces Quackity who giggles. "Apparently there are a lot of things we don't know about Karl" but he doesn't tell him Karl's secret.

• Quackity and Sapnap break up (I won't ever be over Quackity's stream with El Rapid)

• Sapnap joins the children group. They are breaking into prison, right? He needs to save Karl.

9. Escape from Pandora's Vault

• Tommy, Tubbo, Ghostbur and Sapnap manage to break into Pandora's Vault when Sam and Quackity aren't online.

• When they arrive in Dream's cell, he is talking with Karl.

• Sapnap, horrified, takes Karl away from him. He doesn't trust Dream anymore, not after what he did to Tommy. He is sure it's his fault if Karl is here now.

• Dream can't help smiling when he sees the little party there. Especially when he sees his best friend Tommy. He tries to get closer.

• "I'm gonna kill you man. What the hell-" Sapnap punches Dream away. The anger and the resentment spread all over his body. They didn't deserve so much pain. Maybe the server will be a peaceful place without him. "You killed Tommy and then you gave Quackity the book- you"

• Karl stops him, defending Dream. "Sapnap, please. He didn't give them the book. I was the one who did".

• Everyone hold their breathe. What? Why? Wasn't it burned? How did you...

• "We need to get him out"

• Tommy grifts his teeth: "No way he is coming with us". He tries to grab his sword trembling and gagging, but it's too much. He can't... that place...

• Dream steps away. "Oh, you came to kill me" he whispers. "Do it. I'll be dead by tomorrow anyway"

• "You can't die yet!" Karl screams.

• "C'mon, Karl-"

• Dream smiles. "Don't forget who you are, Karl. And don't stray from the path. The SMP needs you more than you know" (= Dream is the one who leaves Karl notes about time travelling in the In Between :])

• "We don't have much time, guys"

• "Yeah, Tommy you don't have much time. Are you going to kill me? Or are you too afraid?" Dream starts teasing Tommy. "I bet you can't do it, right? You're too weak. And down deep you know you love me. We are best friends after all, aren't we?"

• Tommy doesn't react. He is as pale as a ghost, his eyes wide open.

• Tubbo steps in. He can't look at Tommy like this. He hates Dream so much. "Stay away from him". Looking back at his life, Dream has always been responsible for the bad things happened to him. The discs, L'Manburg, Tommy's exile, his death...

• Dream raises his eyebrows. "Tubbo, how's Ranboo?"

• It happens in a moment. Tubbo just loses control and kills Dream. Don't worry Dream's stans he'll come back one day. Bigger plans for that greenboy.

10. Resurrection

• They all run away.

• That same night Jschlatt is publicly revived. "¿Por dónde empezamos?"

• Quackity, Sam and Connor stay behind him.

• "Tonight our country has faced a loss. Four intruders entered the Pandora's Vault, killed Dream and helped the prisoner Karl Jacobs escape. Sapnap, Tubbo, Tommy and Ghostbur are now officially wanted. Dead or alive."

End of the season? Maybe?

How does the server react?

• Tommy, Tubbo, Sapnap, Ghostbur and Karl are criminals. They become nomads for a while. Samnook gives them an hand.

• Tommy keeps thinking about what Tubbo did. They really didn't talk about it after the break-out. Tubbo just pretends nothing happened.

• Karl and Sapnap aren't talking neither. And when they do they fight.

• The only happy one seems to be Ghostbur, who is excited to be on a vacation with the boys.

• Dream's ghost (Specdream? Nightmare?) appears to Ranboo, who is alone in a self-exile because he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Dream's ghost would be much more like Clay, so he won't be that dangerous like c/Dream (cfr. Ghostbur and Wilbur). But still it would be insane to see those two hanging out.

• Jschlatt and Quackity open their Casino, helped by Jack, who sells the hotel.

• After Dream's death and the destruction of Kinoko Kingdom, George takes Quackity's side. He is sure Sapnap killed Dream and he doesn't know how to feel about it...

• Philza, Techno, Eret and Niki, wanting Wilbur's return, will do the same (they need Ghostbur btw). Techno in particular will hunt the fugitives.

• Puffy and Fundy, contrary to them, will try to find Ranboo and the others in order to stop Jschlatt and Quackity.

• Wilbur and Dream meanwhile are having so much fun in the afterlife.

Even if solitaire is not chess

[marvus-xoloto]

Okay so. Someone asked me why I thought Marvus was a prince of time and I decided maybe to write a post about it! To be completely honest, this whole ‘theory’ started because I simply enjoy the thought of Marvus in the princely pantaloons lol. 

I want to start this post off with: everyone interprets characters and classes a little differently and classpects are more about personal growth, and I can only present my thoughts based on my own perspective of Marvus. In fact, I do think that you could make strong arguments towards other classes (mage being a strong contender, but I can see witch and bard, for example.... we’ll get to those later), but I feel personally that prince suits him best.

Also I am not a classpecting blog just for the record, nor am I trying to impart some big truth or my own views upon the fandom. This was purely speculation for fun’s sake, and because someone asked :) !!

So let’s start with what it means to be time bound! Very simply put, the time bound are goal oriented, chaos minded, in tune with rhythms and death, and are generally more focused on “the ends justify the means.” This absolutely suits Marvus: he is clearly working towards his own goal (or, my personal opinion, several of his own parallel goals), he definitely wants to “shake things up,” he’s a musician (see his friendsim route, people die to his music), and, well, just look at the end of act 2- he’s definitely justifying his treatment of Joey as end > means. So he’s pretty strongly connected to his aspect right away and takes control of it, which in my opinion rules out page and heir.

Let’s move on to classes to really narrow it down. 

Lord/Muse are reserved for two player sessions, and my personal headcanon is that these are cherub exclusive, so I won’t be looking into or considering those.

Witches take control and change through their aspect: this could definitely suit him! Marvus is all about control and he’s definitely patient enough, but to my understanding witch is that they are very inclined to take command and manipulate their object. Witches in canon tend to be very detached from people (Jade, Damara, Feferi), and Marvus is a people person, so I think we can rule this one out. You could argue that he’s rather detached emotionally, but I’m not going to. Doesn’t vibe with me.

Heirs are served a lot of their aspect without much control over it. Doesn’t sound like Marvus to me, plus I don’t see him as a passive player.

Seer.... I understand why this one is a popular headcanon- it’s all about influencing from behind the scenes, and Marvus definitely does do that- but seers focus their intents almost entirely though others. Marvus definitely inserts himself where he needs to be, and he’s capable of manipulating his aspect on his own when it suits him. And again, I personally don’t see him as a passive player, for all that he’d like to appear passive. He has big goals and he wants to- or, in his eyes, he will achieve them.

Mage is almost right: tbh I don’t quite understand mages, but my interpretation is “understand first, act second.” Suits Marvus, but I think he does have an inclination to want to act as quickly as possible. Plus, it’s implied that mages suffer through their aspect; Marvus is definitely not suffering. Other people certainly are, though, so I can see an argument in favor of Mage of Time Marvus for sure! Again, it simply doesn’t have quite the right vibe to me.

Maids and Sylphs lean more towards being healer classes.... no <3.

Thief and rogue have small themes of justice and stealing, and I don’t see that fitting Marvus.

Now bard.... bard is similar to prince! I only say no to this one because Marvus reads to me as an active class. I do like to imagine him in the bardly god hood, though. I wonder if it would be blasphemy, since those are the robes of the messiahs...? Anyway not relevant kjadslaskdj

So let’s move on to prince, and why I think it suits him.

Princes are destruction classes, and Marvus does have themes of destruction through time throughout his friendsim route and act 2. In friendsim, he did his best to delay (or destroy) the bad time line for MSPAR, and he’s actively helping Joey along the path of... not quite least resistance. It’s fair to say he’s working towards a timeline that suits his needs. Princes are fueled by their aspects, and Marvus definitely shines as a timebound. The strongest and most elegant arguement for Prince of Time; he’s an incredibly successful musician. and themes of prince of time can be found especially prevalent here: people are literally destroyed by his rhythm.

Princes also act as leaders working under an authority. I don’t really want to argue who he’s working for specifically- scratch and the clurch are definitely tied, but Marvus does seem to have his own agenda. This point can only be elaborated on the more we get to understand Marvus as a character, so I’m not going to argue it super deeply just yet.

Lastly, all princes need subjects. For Dirk, he had the carapacians and then later I guess the audience? Idk, i don’t read current homestuck, i don’t know her. Eridan had his angels. Marvus has his adoring crowds.

And on a more personal level, I can see a large personality trait of princes as feeling disdainful or having a complicated relationship with their aspect. Marvus definitely does not like when things stagnate; see how in act two he actively pushes Joey forward, and even pushes her into understanding Alternia so she can grow. 

So yeah those are my thoughts! I can talk about Marvus for hours, but I’d like to reiterate again that this is only my personal point of view and we very likely won’t ever get canon classpects for the fs/act2 trolls, so please have fun and do whatever suits you best! 

[fizzingwizard]

Episode 26 already! I can’t believe we’re about halfway through... This episode seems to be end point for the current “arc,” or “mini arc,” maybe?? I’m not sorry to see it go but overall, this episode was pretty eh... Not bad, just kind of... I don’t get why we needed it. A fair few REALLY important things do happen! Those are awesome! I just think we could have got them in a more... interesting... way? xD Like, I didn’t hate watching it or anything, it just kind of felt like, with all the important stuff going on, shouldn’t there be more... oomph? (And I know we had a ton of oomph lately, it’s about time to wind down for a while... but then why pick now to spring certain things on us... anyway...)

Pic of the day!

generic group shot that captures each Chosen’s individual fighting spirit!

Koushirou: *intent focus*

Sora: *look of concern*

Jou: *I must have learned something in school that will be useful here*

Mimi: *Jou thinking always makes me nervous and a little grossed out*

Recap below!

So last week I’m pretty sure I vowed to violently murder someone in a back alley (or something like that) if we didn’t get to see the gang eat some FOOD this episode.

Well, looks like y’all are safe from me for now. Though I gotta say, I’m mildly concerned that they are eating Digi-eggs. Don’t those look like Digi-eggs? Other than the random very normal looking grapes...

Thank HEAVENS they are taking a BREAK.

Taichi uses his telescope to remark that Cloud Continent is not only a continent in the clouds, but it sure looks small from down here. Leomon admits he’s not really sure what’s going on anymore either xD

Leomon’s mainly weirded out by Patamon, who... I suppose just doesn’t fit the bill for what he expected the holy Digimon to be like :P lol

Ok so quick aside... I’m honestly kinda peeved that we’re still with Leomon’s silly group of clowns. I know that sounds harsh! And I love Leomon! But his army is... uh... well, he definitely made sure he’d be the coolest one around at all times xD It makes sense that he’d be hanging around because after all, getting to the Holy Digimon was one of his goals as well, but honestly he and his team just feel like replacement back-up for the other Chosen Children who are in the real world atm. AND FIZZ IS NOT INTO THAT. At this point I really do NOT understand why the kids had to split up and send some to the real world at all. I suppose it may be explained in the future but I also won’t be surprised if the answer is “It’s exactly like you saw, Devimon tried to separate them.” I would much rather have had the whole team together. I mean, if this was an excuse for Taichi and Yamato to get close... it really didn’t feel like that. At least not to a point where they couldn’t have gotten with the others around too.

Anyway, break time’s over, because there’s an actual monster fight going on. It must be cool to watch - the way Ebidramon shakes Seadramon reminds me of the T-rex vs stegosaurus battle in Fantasia xD But then Seadramon has the last laugh and EATS EBIDRAMON’S DATA, enabling it to evolve to WarSeadramon. That must have been an epic meal

Meanwhile in the real world, important things are happening, Koushirou’s using lots of Big Words with Kanji and Mimi is happy to get back at Jou for one-upping her last episode by correctly recognizing the roman letters this time. They are still sitting on the same bench where they’ve been for SIX episodes now. My butt hurts just thinking about it.

Patamon is very informative.

Patamon: We’re all gonna die!!

Thank you Patamon. You are so cute.

WarSeadramon decides Takeru and Patamon look like a yummy dessert after his meal, so he attacks them, only to be feigned off by our heroes. WarSeadramon gets pissy and says “Two on one is no fair! I have friends too!” and calls MetalSeadramon to join him. Apparently, MetalSeadramon can move on land :O This was one of the freakier things, I was actually like GAAH

Taichi tells Yamato to take Takeru somewhere safe. Since he is clearly very tasty to Seadramons. Yamato doesn’t bother arguing xD

Takeru: Hey! I’m your brother not a bag of beans!

However they are both cut off! Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Meanwhile, Koushirou is literally a bad ass. He’s managing to reroute the rogue ships whose GPS have gone haywire by sending a signal from a second satellite, which the ships then pass on to the other ships.

Thus helping them get back on course and not collide with each other.

I mean this kid is in fourth grade. HOW HAS HE NOT BEEN SNAPPED UP BY THE GOVERNMENT AND TRAINED INTO SOME CHILD SUPER SPY???

no seriously... I’d actually kind of LOVE it if that were a thing x’D Like the government goes to Koushirou’s house and tries to get him to come but his parents are like “Um no he is a child and he needs a childhood” and protect him :’< When will this show realize WE ALL LOVE KOUSHIROU

Mimi: HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!!

Mimi: H... Hikari... you were still here...? Ehehe.... um... *whisper* hurry up!!

so yeah Hikari is still here! Standing! Staring! Really creepy! I get that the others are very distracted atm but it seems like someone should be like “do you need help? are you lost? do you need a doctor since you seem to have gone catatonic??” Only Koushirou is actively doing anything, I think someone could be spared to at least let her sit on their lap!

Back in the digital world, Garurumon is so distracted by the fight happening in front of him that he fails to notice the attack from behind, and Professional Self-Sacrificing Idiots Taichi and Greymon save the day.

They predictably fall off the cliff wheeeeeeeeeeee

It’s raining men, hallelujah

Under water, Greymon gets his assed kicked until Taichi manages to swim to him

which seems to give him renewed focus, I suppose, and he’s able to get away from the two Seadramon pals and get some air.

However they almost immediately drag him back down. You would think Greymon would be REALLY bad in a water battle and at least need to evolve to be any use (especially given that both evolved Seadramons are perfect levels), but both Greymon and Garurumon never evolve this episode, so I think we’re supposed to assume that even after eating they’re just not recovered enough for that yet. GOOD

Yeah but here’s what confuses me. Yamato does not do anything to help. Well, I shouldn’t say anything - whenever an enemy comes out of the water, he and Leomon’s team attack it from afar. But I mean, Taichi is in the water, being attacked by two Digimon who are both a level higher. WHY DOESN’T YAMATO GO IN TO HELP?!?!

We can’t even give him the excuse of needing to protect Takeru because 1) Takeru has Leomon’s entire team to protect him and 2) Takeru is fighting!!!!!!

I’m sorry but Yamato should be in the water. This is just crappy writing. He’s shouted “Taichi!” three times in the exact same way this episode and has very few other lines, so I actually sort of suspect that Namikawa Daisuke might not have been available to voice him this episode?? Maybe? So they just couldn’t give him too much to do for that reason. That’s totally speculation, I just don’t understand why Yamato does so little here.

Back with Koushirou, his plan has worked and all the ships are successfully changing course woot

Aww looks like a Christmas tree

The way Garudamon carries Zudomon is A++

The partners inform them that the Zurumon are on the move...

Jou theorizes that they’re off to gobble up more data somewhere else. Mimi’s like “ew?”

They decide they really need to get back to the digital world now. They’re finally worried about Yamato and Taichi and figure they’ll be more useful over there. I really can’t think of a reason why Koushirou could not have saved all these ships from the digital world so YEAH HARD AGREE. What even was this interlude?? Show us how cool a hacker Koushirou is?? We already KNEW that, he can do it from the digital world too, and watching the kids sit on a bench for six episodes was NO GOOD. Grrr. At least I needed them to do something really cool to justify all this but... nope! Can’t say it was necessary for Taichi and Yamato’s sake either!

There is one awesome thing that comes out of the separation...

Hikari: Oh you want to go back to the digital world? Why didn’t you say so?

ZIP!

Aaaaand they’re gone! Hikari included! :O

I kind of guessed this was gonna happen when Hikari first showed up, but I also sort of thought, it seems so early to have her join... I know this season is Doing It Different but we JUST got Takeru, I figured we’d spend more time on his story first. Also figured the lead in to Hikari joining would be more... Idk... this was just kind of anticlimactic, y’know? But whatev.

Now the only thing is... there’s no reason they had to go back to the human world for this. Hikari could have just come on her own. “It’s calling,” she says. Well, it could have called her regardless. So we really didn’t need this for Hikari’s sake. Bleh.

Curly

Ok so injuries really are a thing now. I’m down. We don’t get blood but we get to see lots of sparkly data leakage.

Still best boy, warts and all

What I DO really like... that i think we saw this ep as well as the episode before last in particular, is how important the kids are to their partners this season. Greymon loses it when Taichi’s KO’d in the Devimon battle, and this time, when they were separated under water Greymon started to panic until Taichi arrived. That alone seemed to restore his confidence. And even though he can’t evolve further, Taichi’s still able to give him a power boost. That was the one thing in 99 Adventure - the idea that the partners were connected with their human partners and needed their help to reach the next level was always fun, but mostly left the kids just running around unhelpfully much of the time. Tamers added on to it with the card game boosts (which were just to sell toys to kids BUT I still thought was cool lol). And then Frontier just did away with the partners all together and made the kids the monsters which I did NOT like personally. (YMMV although that one ep where Takuya has a crisis and becomes Flamemon was a cool effect.) This season has found a good balance, I think, between keeping the kids involved and preventing them from being too involved, if that makes sense. Of course it still means they’ve got suction cups on their shoes and can hold their breath underwater for unusual lengths of time...

Yay we won!!

... Never mind, now there are four of them xP

(but really, did he think he’d beaten two Perfect levels just like that? A level below, under water, and two-on-one? Taichiiii)

Yamato’s still just shouting Taichi’s name like the girl in Forrest Gump. “Run Taichi run!”

Then... Taichi hears a lovelier voice than Yamato’s!

Taichi: Zudomon!! Why do you sound like my little sister?

Bang bang Zudomon’s silver hammer came down upon his head

Bang bang Zudomon’s silver hammer made sure that he was dead

The whole gang is back!!! YAAAAAYYYY the one reason to love this episode!

So nice to see someone other than Greymon and Garurumon be a badass xP

And then this!! Anticlimactic though it was, I’m really excited to have Hikari on the team. She’s joining about halfway through which is kinda similar to how it was in 99 Adventure, but 99 Adventure had a much better lead in... however this season still has lots of storytelling to do.

Taichi is pretty amazed but not freaked, at least not yet.

Hikari’s just like “I was called here” and yes she’s as freaky as ever. If anything she’s even more freaky. I’m down as long as she gets a bit of personality beyond “mysterious” and “adores her brother”

I mean Takeru’s had plenty of opportunities to be a baby BAMF so far, so Hikari deserves some too. I wonder how long she’ll go without a partner?

Next week! It’s our first Takari shot!

Also... ooooohh??

The group will go to a new continent. Exciting exciting. Though I ragged on this episode, I’m still overall enjoying this season. But yeah I’m so GLAD the team is back together and unless something happens to change my mind, I def think they never should have been separated from the beginning. Or at least it should have been a much shorter separation. Anyway they’re together again so fingers crossed for more good stuff to come.

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Gothel Parallels

You know an odd thing about the Tangled fandom is that everyone is pointing out parallels between Cassandra and Gothel but nobody wants to point out the even less prominent but very fascinating parallels between Rapunzel and Gothel. And idk why because I think those are much more interesting (about the only time I find anything to do with Rapunzel more interesting than something to do with Cass but like...of course you can find connection between Cassandra and her mother, especially since Cass is an antagonist now, but those parallels always seem kinda shallow based just on 'hey Cass is Gothel's kid and she a villain' while the ones with Rapunzel run much deeper in the show's narritive and actually lend themselves to analyzing Rapunzel's character)

Like usually, from what I've seen, parallelism is most effective when it connects back in with whatever themes the media is trying to convey, reveals or says something about a character's personality or thought process, or show's that the hero's and villains aren't that different/that they both could've gone down the other path easily, or to foreshadow.

 So what does using parallelism to connect Cass with Gothel do? It doesn't seem to connect to any of the themes of the show, Cassandra and Gothel are extremely different personality wise (That's not just me being a Cass fan either. Gothel was vain while Cass has low self esteem, Gothel was selfish while Cass has spent her entire life serving people, Gothel was always emotional and almost overshared her feelings- albeit usually for the sake of a guilt trip- while Cass never really talks to anyone about her feelings. Gothel pretended to be a poor, frail but caring woman who's always worrying- which was a lie- while Cassandra refuses to show weakness even if she's actually struggling. I can't think of a single trait they actually share) So what exactly does parallelism reveal about their characters aside from 'Gothel was evil and now Cass is a villain' which, thanks, we could figure that out without wasting time drawing parallels between them. It isn't a hero to villain comparison, it's a villain to villain comparison so the whole 'we could've been the same' thing doesn't work. And some have theorized that Cass is going to die during the show and since Gothel also died, any parallels between them would be foreshadowing, however I literally don't believe that, and if she did die (which again, doubt she will), those parallels would just feel kinda lazy tbh. Like really, you can’t think of any reason to compare Cass to Gothel other than killing her off?

 But look at the Gothel to Rapunzel comparison! Does it go with the show's themes? Yeah, I mean the show focuses a lot on how Rapunzel messes up (even the protagonists can make mistakes kids) and it also focuses often on how she was raised and the fact that she never really knew anything but the tower and Gothel, and having her act a bit like her kidnapper is a good way to show that her upbringing has effected how she behaves (and it has). Does it reveal anything about either character? Yeah. A lot of people tend to ignore Rapunzel's character flaw of being dismissive and honestly a bit controlling since it's often muddied in good intent and 'I love you's from Rapunzel to the point where people are like "Well even if it ended bad she had good intentions and all so it's fine". However if we draw parallels between her and Gothel- someone who was also dismissive and controlling and hid it with (fake) good intentions and 'i love you's- then it becomes a lot harder to ignore her flaws because it's something the connection exposes. This IS a hero to villain comparison and while it's not a full on 'what you could've become' situation, it still shows that, if Rapunzel's intentions weren't quite so good, she could have been a villain very similar to Gothel in a lot of ways. And finally...foreshadowing? Well, I don't know if this connection is currently foreshadowing anything, but the fact that the person who Rapunzel's main Gothel-like traits were directed towards was Cass is interesting and may have hinted at Cassandra deciding to break away from Rapunzel like Raps broke off from Gothel. So yeah, the Rapunzel to Gothel parallels are a lot more interesting and have more to analyze than any similarities people can find between Cass and Gothel, and yet everyone is comparing Cassandra to Gothel and I've only seen like one person point out the genius use of parallelism for Rapunzel and Gothel.

And I find analyzing any parallels between Cass and Gothel to be more tedious than anything. “They both broke a bridge”, like okay, cool, does that say anything about their characters? In Cassandra’s case her breaking the bridge between Rapunzel and herself at the end of Crossing The Line was her way of getting out of what she (validly) saw to be a toxic situation, meanwhile Gothel was abandoning her only daughter in a pursuit of youth. You could argue that their motives were both selfish, however with Cassandra- as much as I disagree with many of her actions- it feels like her deciding to finally do something for herself after a life of servitude, wheras with Gothel, that woman had never in her life thought about anyone but herself and this was just another example of her taking something for herself when she already had piles and piles of stuff for herself. So what about that time Cass fell from the tower just like Gothel did? Honestly I can’t for the life of me figure out what that would tell us about the story or characters except...Cass is a bad guy and her mum was too. And then there’s the Once A Handmaiden “You want me to be the bad guy? Fine, now i’m the bad guy.” thing. And I just...ugh. Why was it needed tbh? The contexts of Cass saying it and Gothel saying it are very different, first off. I mean Cassie had just been lead to believe that her friends were attacking her and would continue to attack her- and lied to her face when they said they wouldn't- and she felt hurt and betrayed and of course the whole episode she’d been terrified nobody would forgive her and seeing first hand that everyone was treating her like a bad guy- and probably always would? Yeah, the build up to “You want me to be the bad guy? Fine, now i’m the buy guy” with Cass was a lot fucking different from with Gothel, who resorted to that when....her gaslighting tactics failed on Rapunzel and she decided to just hold her against her will instead. And I can’t see any common trait they’re trying to draw a link to with the characters or highlight a theme of the show or anything, it’s just “Gasp, Cass said  this thing that another villain said too” for the sake of shock value.

While on the other hand, most parallels you can find for Rapunzel and Gothel are actually interesting. For example, the way Rapunzel snapped at Cass in Rapunzel And The Great Tree, saying “Enough, Cassandra!” was very similar to when Gothel snapped at Rapunzel in the movie with “Enough (about the lights) Rapunzel!” followed by a shot of Cassandra/Rapunzel looking shocked, and their hands slowly moving backwards. As I said earlier, this exposes one of Rapunzel’s flaws that she happens to share with Gothel. Rapunzel is dismissive. She says she cares about how other people feel but she also believes that her mindset is the only right one. Rapunzel doesn't actually take other’s opinions or feelings into consideration most of the time, and goes ahead with what she wants to do anyway. Actually arguing back is just completely out of line and uncalled for in her eyes because she thinks nobody has a right to argue because she sees herself as always having the final say, something she thinks other’s just need to accept. It’s understandable why Rapunzel feels that way, she’s a princess so of course the sad truth is that people will have to listen to her no questions asked, and she was raised by Gothel to never question her- thinking it was the only way to do things- and while she knows Gothel’s bad, that doesn't necessarily mean she realizes how toxic that particular part of their dynamic was, especially when she was placed on the other side of that dynamic directly after she was rescued and told ‘you have subjects now, you rule them, what you say goes’. There are differences between Gothel’s intentions and Rapunzel’s but in the end it exposes a common character trait they have in dismissing the thoughts and feelings of those around them if they deem these feelings ‘incorrect’ or if these feelings fall outside their own.

I was able to write as much analysis on ONE parallel between Rapunzel and Gothel as THREE between Cassandra and Gothel, and even then most of my section on Cass and Gothel was analyzing why these aren’t good parallels. The show is pushing them for the shock value of “omg the other evil person did that too :0″ but idk why the fandom tends to focus so much on them since from what I've deduced they don’t actually mean much.

[toomanyhobbiesandthisisoneofthem]

Captain Levi Packs a Punch

So, uh.. This is a fanfiction oneshot... It’s inspired by that moment during the celebration/feast episode, where Levi punches Eren and Jean when they get into a row. I’ve never written a fanfic before, ever, and idk if I’m gonna make this a thing or not... but I had a fic idea today, and while I’ve had fic ideas before, I never really wanted to write them badly enough to actually go for it. But for whatever reason, this one hit me out of nowhere and said, “Write me!!!!! Please, please, please, please, please!!!” So... here I am. :P

Although I’ve never actually written anything for it, I’ve had this particular fanfiction universe running through my head for YEARS, so I need (yes, need) to give a little bit of a backstory on my AU before I jump into writing the actual fic. There’s a bunch of stuff in my AU that leads up to the point I’m going to write about in this story, and some things will make more sense if you understand those things.

If you don’t care about the backstory part and you just want to get on with the fic, here’s a TL;DR: Self-insert OC is an X-men-style mutant who travels through various fictional universes. Her mutant abilities involve redirection/manipulation of energy, whether it’s kinetic forces, electrical charges, heat/combustion energy, etc. Feel free to go straight to the fic. Just scroll down until you reach the end of the italics and hit the disclaimer.

I might upload another post at some point detailing a more extensive version of this backstory summary, but for now I just want to give you the gist of it.

Backstory Bullet Points:

1. This is a self-insert OC, though I’ll probably rename the character herself. I know these tend to have a bad reputation, but I’ll do my level best to make it not-dumb. There are still some self-insert OC cliches and whatnot,(she’s definitely a bit OP; I’m attempting to counteract that) but I’m trying to make the story focus more on the characters and how they interact, rather than being like, “OMG DIS GURL HAS DA POWER AN’ SHE’S GONNA SAVE DA DAY AND GET DA MAIN CHARACTER FOR A BOYFRIEND TOO!” sorts of things.

2. When OC was 21 or so, she was ported from her own world into a universe in which the Marvel Avengers, the X-Men, and all the Rick Riordan Universe books happen to be all mixed together.      By the way, Percy Jackson is a mutant himself along with being a demigod, and he has a major AU backstory of his own, which will be explained if I ever write a full AU-background explanation. This is not relevant to the current story, but it is a part of this AU.

3.  OC discovers that one of her ancestors was a carrier of the X-gene who was ported to OC’s home universe like a hundred years ago or so, but because OC was born in a variation of Earth-1218, her powers didn’t activate until she switched universes      -(Earth-1218 is Marvel’s version of/explanation for the “normal/real world”-- OC’s home universe is similar to Earth-1218, but it’s not actually the same one, because inter-universe transportation is possible with this universe, and the genetics for superpowers are still transferred from parent to child.     -OC’s home universe dampens people’s superpowers while they’re in that universe, unless the person with powers happened to be born there, are transferred to a universe where their powers activate, and then switched back to their home universe.)

4. OC’s mutant powers include but are not quite limited to: --Absorbing and/or redirecting energy within and through herself. She can’t directly manipulate energy which has no direct contact with her, so for instance she can’t turn on a lightbulb from across the room, and she can’t use telekinesis or anything along those lines. --She is able to sense everything around her, and feels the energy within it. Because of this, she has pretty strong empathic abilities along with a sort of touch-telepathy as a side-effect. --She is able to release a kinetic/thermal “pulse” of sorts, and if any sort of energy is directed at her, she can:      a) absorb it and release it later (for instance, if she’s walking through a fire, she can absorb the heat energy and then later use the heat she stored in order to, say, melt snow),      b) allow it to pass directly through her and into whatever is behind her, (if someone tried to punch her and she happened to be standing against a wall, the force of the punch would pass through her and hit the wall)-- this aspect of her mutation also allows her to fly.      c) “catch” it and redirect it in a different direction (if Cyclops shoots her with his laser eyes, she could catch the laser and shoot it right back at him, or off the the side, or straight up, or whatever she happened to need to do at the time.)

There’s more to her mutation than this, but that’s the basic idea. For the sake of understanding this particular fic, keep in mind this would also apply to the force behind a Titan’s bite, meaning she’s practically invulnerable to most of the deadly AOT situations.

5. Due to Backstory Stuff, she ends up being practically forced by the Fates to travel to various fictional universes every few years. However, she is never able to go to the original version of that fictional universe-- there will always be at least one thing that’s different from what she knows as canon for that universe.    Sometimes the difference is simply a minor plot point, for instance when she goes to the FMA:B universe, it’s basically just an “Ed still has automail and alchemy, and he stays in the military!” AU-- which is kind of big as far as post-canon stuff goes, but it doesn’t really change any of the actual events of the majority of the anime itself.     Other universes will have, or eventually have, huuuuge differences. The first universe she travels to, the Mixed Marvel/Riordan universe, is just one example of this.   Sometimes these differences may incorporate things I’ve seen in other fanfics; I’ll try to source them when this is the case. It’s not my intention to steal from other people’s works, y’know?

6. Due to More Backstory Stuff, although OC is always placed into fictional universes which she is very familiar with, the Fates place a voice-block on her in regards to the events of those universes, in order to prevent her trying to explain future events to the characters if she happens to land into the middle of the story/plot. She may be able to give some information, and she may be able to hint at things, and if she really fights against the voice-block-thing, she may be able to give them basic info on stuff that will happen soon, but she can’t, like, write out a timeline and have them follow events and try to prevent them, or anything like that.

There’s a lot more I could probably tell you about this, but I don’t think any of it is particularly relevant to this story, so I’m not gonna worry about it.

Disclaimer: I do not own, and have never owned, and do not ever intend to own Attack on Titan or the X-men/Marvel Cinematic Universe. The only character, scenario, universe, etc. in this work of fiction that belongs to me is my own OC, Allise Hart.

TW: There is punching in this fic. If the title didn’t give that away, lol! It is not meant as a hostile violent interaction, but it is still a punch. So I guess... minor violence warning?

Sorry if anyone’s OOC... Again, I’ve never written a fic before, so...

Okay, last explanation thing, I promise.... :P This fic takes place a couple weeks into the two-month break period between the first and second arcs of season three. It seemed to be the most reasonable point in which Allise could arrive, have time to explain who she was and how she got there, gain at least some semblance of the characters’ trust, and make bonds of burgeoning potential friendship with some of the characters. Plus, the second arc of season three is probably where she could help the most, if she were to help prevent any deaths in canon at all. Everywhere else is either too busy, or the deaths that happen in those arcs are too important in character/plot development for me to be comfortable preventing them while still remaining consistent with the main plot. Also, for ease of communication purposes, the characters of AOT speak English in this story.

I hope you enjoy. :)

Levi Packs A Punch

     The Survey Corps initial strategy meeting for the retaking of Wall Maria was to be held in fifteen minutes. Hange and Erwin stood in the center of the room, speaking in hushed tones, and several members of Levi’s team hung around off to the side. A current of nervous anticipation ran through the recruits. So much had happened these last few months-- so many victories, hard-won though they were. 

     What would come of this daring venture? Would their winning streak hold out? Was it possible they could actually be... gaining ground against the Titans? For the first time in a long time, it seemed there could be hope in this endless struggle for humanity’s survival. 

     Even their leaders were not unaffected. There was an extra spring in Hange’s step as they worked on their experiments. There was a strange fire burning in Erwin’s eyes. There was a steadiness to Levi that wasn’t there before, a sense of gentle calm taking the place of repressed chaos, and he seems less apt to speak out against the optimism present in the recruits.

     It was this atmosphere into which Allise entered as she opened the door and made her way to Commander Erwin. Hange was animatedly describing a new weapon they were designing with Eren, and as she drew closer, Allise was nearly hit on the nose by a flailing hand. Hange startled, and both commanders turned to face her.

     She technically wasn’t supposed to be here. Not that she cared.

     The silence continued for a moment before Commander Erwin cleared his throat and asked, “Can we help you with something, Miss Hart?”

     Allise shifted back and pressed her lips together. She glanced from the commander, to the wall, to the floor, and back again. Her face went through several different expressions, moving from pensive to fearful to determined. Finally, she took a deep breath opened her mouth.

     “Commander Erwin, sir. I... have a request. I want you to let me help you fight the Titans and retake Wall Maria.”

     Hange raised an eyebrow. Erwin blinked. “You what?”

     “I want to help you with this mission.”

     Erwin frowned. “Absolutely not.”

      Allise lifted her chin in a challenge. “Why not? You need all the people you can get. I’m sure I can help you. You-- I-- if I help, maybe I can... prevent--” her voice cut off. She coughed harshly, grimacing at the sudden burn in her throat.

     Hange studied her for a moment. “You know something.”

     Allise nodded, coughing again.

     Erwin cocked his head. “You know something important about this assignment in particular.”

     “Yes.”

     He nodded slowly, looking thoughtful, then he straightened. “I still can’t let you go. You have no experience. You have no training. You wouldn’t last two seconds against a 5-meter, let alone a fifteen or twenty. I cannot in good conscience allow an untrained civilian to fight Titans. It would be futile, and a waste of a good life.”

     Allise swallowed. “It’s true that I have no experience. I don’t know what I’d be walking into-- not really. All I know of Titans is what I saw on the show. However... You recall when I first arrived, I explained why my ears are pointed? As you know, I am not entirely human. I have special abilities. I believe that these abilities will protect me from the Titans.”

     Hange perked up. “What sort of special abilities? Can you run at superhuman speeds? Are you a shapeshifter? Are you able to fly? Do you have to--mmph!”

     Erwin placed a hand over Hange’s mouth. “What makes you believe your ability will prevent you from getting eaten? Prove that you truly have such an ability, and I will reconsider your request.”

     Allise grinned. “Thank you, sir. That’s all I ask.” She turned to Hange. 

     “To answer your questions, since you asked first... My abilities are energy-related. I can occasionally run at superhuman speeds, though the factors are extremely circumstantial. I suppose you could call me a shapeshifter, since I have two different forms; however, my base abilities remain the same in each form, so it mainly just affects my appearance. And yes, I am actually able to fly.”      “As for proving that I can effectively protect myself against a Titan...”

     Allise closed her eyes and pressed her hands together. She considered what, exactly, she needed to show them. How could she explain this in a way that made sense, without going to the trouble of finding a Titan to demonstrate with? She pondered her options for a while, nothing definitive coming to mind, until suddenly... Her eyes snapped open, and she fixed her gaze on Levi. Of course! A grin spread over her face. This. This was perfect.

     She straightened, then cleared her throat and asked, “Is there anyone here who’d be willing to get punched for the sake of a scientific demonstration?”

     Her sudden question was met with startled stares. Several of the recruits backed away from her warily. Then Eren and Jean started nudging back and forth, trying to push each other into volunteering; this eventually devolved into a shoving match, with Mikasa and Armin trying to pull them apart. 

     The situation had grown to the point where it seemed the boys might start actually fighting, when all of a sudden both of them were shoved aside, as Captain Levi stepped forward.

     “I’ll do it.”

     Allise blinked. “You’ll do it?”

     “Yes.”

     “You sure?”

     “Yes.”

     “I... well... alright, then. Uh. Don’t... don’t get mad at me if this hurts more than you’re expecting, though.”

     Levi gave her a level look. “It’s fine. I can take a punch.”

     Allise gulped. “Right. So... Come stand over here, in front of me.”

     Levi moved into the center of the room and faced her.

     Allise smiled slightly. “Good. Now, ah... where would you prefer to be punched? I’d rather not the face, if you don’t mind.”

     “The stomach is fine.”

     Allise nodded. She stepped forward, close enough to reach out, curl her fingers into a fist, and rest it against his stomach. Levi gave her a confused look. “Was that supposed to do something?”

     She glanced up at him, then, and smirked. “Not yet. First, I want you to punch me.”

     “I thought I was the one getting punched?”

     “Oh you are, but I need you to punch me first. As hard as you can. Doesn’t matter where.”

     Levi was thoroughly baffled now-- Allise could feel the confusion radiating off of him-- but he shrugged it off, lifted a fist, drove it into her side... and stumbled backward barely half a second later, falling to the floor, as she allowed the force of his blow to flow through her body and out through the fist she had placed against his stomach.

     Everyone stared. None of them had ever seen Levi laid out like that-- not even Erwin or Hange. He was legendary among the soldiers of the Survey Corps for his ability to take a punch-- and throw one. And now there he was, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling in stunned surprise with the wind knocked out of him.

     Levi coughed and gasped, catching his breath, then sat up and looked back at Allise. “What was that? You didn’t even move. How did you do that?”

     “I redirected your punch,” Allise explained. “That’s my ability-- any force that someone uses against me, I can just let it go straight through me, or I can throw it right back at them.”

     Levi blinked. Blinked again. Tilted his head as he parsed through what that meant. “...So. What you’re saying is...”

     “...I punched myself?”

     She smirked at him. “Yep.”

     A strange expression crossed his face. He glanced at Allise, then at his hand, and back to Allise. His lips twitched. He turned back to his hand, and then...

     His shoulders started shaking. His hand trembled a bit, and he pressed it to his mouth. Erwin grew concerned. This was not normal. “Levi..?”

     A sound escaped Levi’s lips, a sort of soft wheezing. Everyone was worried. What was going on? Was something wrong with him? Had he injured himself with that punch?

     Then, the sound began to register properly. It grew in volume, as if Levi could keep it contained no longer, and suddenly burst out of him resolving itself as deep, throaty chuckles, which in turn shifted fully into...

     Laughter. He was laughing. Captain Levi was laughing.

     Erwin stared. “Is... Is he alright?” Hange was just as baffled. “I... believe so? Unless he hurt his head, but... he was hit in the stomach, so it shouldn’t have affected his brain.”

     Levi’s team was similarly shocked. They had never seen him laugh... ever. They weren’t even sure he could laugh-- Historia had been lucky to get even a small huff of a laugh, after her coronation. To see him like this, it was...

     Exhilarating. Relieving even, to see that he, too, could be affected like this.

     It was contagious. Conny snickered. Armin started giggling too. Mikasa’s expression softened, and even Eren let a smile grow on his face.

     After a minute or two, Levi managed to calm himself and pick himself up off the floor. His face smoothed back to its usual expression, though his cheeks were a bit pink as he turned to Erwin. “I--” he cleared his throat. “I believe Allise has made her point. Her ability to--” his lips twitched, and he cleared his throat again. “Her ability to manipulate forces should allow her to safely escape any Titan that crosses her path. If she really wants to go, I think she’ll be all right.”

     Erwin shook himself out of his stunned stupor and turned to Allise. “I agree. You’ve clearly demonstrated that you are capable of... impossible things. I hereby grant you official permission to attend this meeting, and accept your offer of assistance in retaking Wall Maria.--       “--don’t make me regret this permission.”

     Allise stood to attention, placing her fists fore and aft in the official military salute. “Sir!”

     Later, when the meeting was adjourned and everyone was heading out the door, Hange turned to Levi, and said, “I look forward to seeing what exactly Allise is capable of against Titans. If she can do to them what she did to you...” Hange smirked. “They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

     The last thing Erwin heard as he made his way to his desk, was a fresh burst of laughter from Levi echoing down the hall.

[austennerdita2533]

Summary: Bad blood and violence seem to pop up for the Mikaelsons everywhere, but this time it shows up in the form of unhinged!amnesiac Elijah. Caroline tries to hold him off while Hayley disbands of Greta, and Klaus ushers Hope to safety. Madness ensues in the fight to keep the Nazi vampires from procuring who, and what, they desire.

Can Caroline keep a morally-corrupted Original at bay? Will Klaus be able to protect everyone he cares about? What will they gain; what may they lose? (TO 5x06 AU + Amnesiac!Villain Elijah vs. Klaroline + Angst)

**WARNING: Hayley still dies. Threats. Mild Violence**

A/N:  Tagging @arrenemris​ and @childoftimeandmagic​, because you lovelies were interested in a part 2. Here is the whole 5.2k word (edited) enchilada if you want to read it. (No pressure!)

Honestly, idk what I’ve created here...

Enjoy!

(A03) (FFnet)

xx Ashlee Bree

Everybody Bursts Into Mad Flames Sometimes

Before her stands a stranger—a stranger she once knew.

Dark hair, shaved chin. Aviator sunglasses tucked into a scooped white collar. Rugged blue jeans. Terse lips curled in impatient distaste. Two whittled fence posts peeking out from underneath too-long sleeves. A leather jacket - simple, black, no designer or brand name anything. It hangs loose from his shoulders to offset two cold, umber eyes which used to pierce the world with such sagacity, with such innate sophistication and reasonability, but now appraise everything around him with something worse than hate, or scorn, or disapproval too marked to miss: apathy.

It’s the last thing Caroline expects to see right now; he, the last person. (Especially in freaking jeans, are you kidding?) And she barely chokes down her surprise fast enough to block his path to the house which perches on a small hill behind them.

“Can I help you?” she says in half-chirp. Tilting her head to the side, she side-steps in front of him, warning him back with a sharp smile. “You look a little lost and I’m a concerned citizen willing to turn you back around.”

“Move,” the man growls.

“Now, now,” she raises her hands half in defense, half in taunting, “I know your memory’s been swiped, Elijah, (along with your entire history of familial and platonic feeling), but I thought you of all people would still bother with civilities in any diseased incarnation of yourself? There aren’t any dangling on your lips now, though, huh? Shame. A true shame.”

“I said move!”

“Wow, really? No Miss Forbes? No ‘it’s nice to see you again,’ Caroline?” She wags her finger and tuts, still shuffling her feet; still refusing to let him pass. Determined to give them more time to escape to safety. “I know my face jars something in you, faint and faded though the recollection may be given the circumstances.”

“You talk too much.”

“Hey! That’s rude,” she says tartly and pouts. “I’ve always considered you to be the only Mikaelson with any manners, but man, oh man! What a disappointment you are today, I’ve got to say.”

“Stop. Tell me where he is, where he’s taken them,” Elijah says while his knuckles whiten and his jaw ticks. His fingers curl into fists around one of the stakes, itching to strike. Stab. Silence. And he’d do it, too - oh, he wants to do it - to know how her fire and sugared spice will bubble against his teeth after a fatal bite - but he resists because she holds the missing pieces. She’s the only one here who knows how to procure what he and Antoinette still need.

“Pfft, yeah, like I’d tell you anything in your state.” Caroline laughs like the idea is preposterous. Insane. Like it’s the funniest joke in the history of the world. “I mean, I deserve at least a please for that kind of information, don’t you think? For old time’s sake and everything.”

“I’ve had enough of these idle games, Little Miss Sunshine. Where is he?” Elijah snarls again. This time with patience fraying into vein-pulsed rage and fangs descending. “WHERE!?”

Caroline’s shoulders straighten here, and her eyes burn so hot they almost hiss at him when she digs her heels into the grass to offer him a pert quirk of her mouth in opposition; her voice swapping out joviality for severity in the smoothest of transitions.

“As I said already, Señor Impolite,” she says with a click of her tongue, “I won’t reveal a single damn thing to you about your brother’s next location. Not here, not when you’re like this. Nor will I won’t inconvenience the other people you still love somewhere in that thick, muddled skull of yours by making this mission easy for you. Whatever it is. So put that on a discarded daylight ring and smoke it!” she adds with a huff and a cock of the hip.  

“Fine.” A stake loosens from his sleeve. He brandishes it in his hand; twirls it like a baton on his palm. The movement is slow and practiced because whether or not he’s aware of his Original history, he’s wielded weapons like this one for centuries. “If that’s how you wish to play it.”

“Likewise.”

Elijah pauses to scratch a thumb across his jaw. Then he sniffs before he raises harsh lashes to her face,

“Take it from a man who’s wasted centuries: you will not triumph,” he says. “That man - my so-called brother - will bleed you of any goodness you possess; he’ll stifle any happiness you find, so do yourself a favor and free yourself from his tyranny now. He is not worth an ounce of your time or protection. And he never will be.”

“You’re wrong. You don’t truly believe that,” she shakes her head and sighs. “You’re so wrong I just—I don’t know how you’ll recover from all the regret and guilt that’s bound to follow once you regain your old attachments again.”

He remains impassive. Unmoved.

“Let me by, Caroline. He must pay for his crimes.”

“I said -” her teeth clench; her features darken, “- no!” A blur against the sky, she vamps across the yard to block each and every one of his advances. She shoves against his chest, swipes at his athletic kicks with her boot heels, and snaps out with her fangs like a guard dog to keep him back. Away.

“His worth is mine, and mine alone, to decide. You got that, E?” she says in an obnoxious way that mocks his new nickname pointedly, unapologetically; her veins rippling across her cheekbones for extra measure. “It’d be best for you not to forget it. You know - like, ever.”

“Well, then—” He takes a step back, his forehead pinched in mounting irritation. “I guess we have nothing further to discuss, do we?”

“Nope.”

After a shrug and a look of pity, “I’m afraid this pretty little blonde of yours has left me no choice here, Hybrid,” he announces in a loud, reverberating voice.

Elijah speaks to the air, to the clouds forming shapes over their heads, but his eyes sweep across the property. His ears prick as if they wait for his brother’s howled outcry to sound on the wind in the seething, murderous way he’d once been so accustomed to hearing, and also to preventing. There is no movement anywhere except where the sun crests over the hill, however. All the purples and oranges dancing with shadows to tint the land like a bruise. There’s no sound besides the screeching tires of a Camaro on the highway ten miles distant. There’s nothing else around besides a dirt road, a decrepit house, and a stubborn, sassy girl poised between them.

Thirty more seconds pass before Elijah’s gaze settles back over on Caroline. It’s another thirty-five seconds after that before he’s rife enough with detached predation, hunger, and resolve to act.

He levels his chin once he decides. And as he charges forward with a stake positioned for the spot where two rings dangle against her chest, above her heart, the next words to leave his throat burst forth in grave monotone,

“Time to die,” he says.

Bad blood and violence follow Klaus everywhere.

It’s a foul shadow chomping at the base of his achilles heel hoping to munch its way through to destroy all he cherishes because he’s a man forged from sin, dark magic, and bones of adaptability. A combination which shouldn’t be allowed to exist in this world unless it’s broken - purged - from the outside in with all the dominion he possesses slit from his tendons by his foes in fury. Greed. Fear. Hate. Or envy. It’s a javelined spear which spills his loved ones’ blood onto cobblestone paths or fried country grasses in red river rain because he somehow arrives too late to keep the bolt from striking, the lightning.

His worst fears flood the land as a result. Thunder rumbles overhead to plunge everyone’s lives into peril at once, pellets of hail dropping like canons. Erupting the earth to widen the crossable distance between them. The sky is a jaw full of teeth which drools something about abominations, or about purity that must crunch all twisty tornados dead in their tracks.

A storm of hell descends while he’s distracted and struggling against his enemies’ vengeance, limbs extended in four different directions; his arms flying while eyes hybridize with focus, anger, so that someone who matters is always left exposed. Vulnerable. Like a flapping thread which spools from the corner of a whirlpool.

It’s simple math for him, truth be told. It’s even simpler science. There are too many holes, and Klaus cannot defend them all on his own. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries because somebody always slips over a ledge and falls flat into physics’ grasp. Gravity claiming what he’s dropped, who he’s lost. And it’s all his fault.

His fault, his fault, his fault.

The rising tide of everyone’s screams and taken or deflected blows creates a wave of horror Klaus cannot climb over with blood-drenched hands, with slippery soles, and it makes it impossible for him to catch every person he cares for before they sink, before they drown to the bottom of a gorge he’ll never be able to breach with one arm extended. He needs more time, more time, more time. He needs more bloody time! Please.

But what happens if there isn’t any? What comes after the world fissures open with the intent to swallow up the good in everything? What then, what does one do next?

Klaus clamors, he claws his way over to them.

He packs his unconscious daughter into a car seat next to Roman and Marcel then watches the SUV disappear down the lane, its wheels screeching as it ushers two people he loves toward home and security. He turns back to the house afterwards to collect the two women he’s left idling on the estate five miles away, who each scan for more threats in his absence as they wait, only for the back door to splinter wider the closer he roams. It chips next. Before, finally, it busts open with a loud crack to shoot wood and body parts loose.

Debris launches forward with such force that his arms shield his head in reflex while he rolls to the left to avoid a collision with an airborne Hayley. A fate Klaus escapes, but barely.

He pushes up onto his elbows. When he does, the heat from her near-miss manages to singe some hairs on the back of his neck, chafing them down to stubs of red. A hammer thuds loud in his ears as he blinks in the nightmare which unfolds before him: the mother of his child sailing through the backyard tangled in rods of fire. And Greta. And a self-sacrifice too awful to believe.

It’s bloody horrifying to behold, truly.

The sunlight pours over Hayley’s skin like gasoline, and she’s suddenly a molting phoenix: red fades to orange, and orange dwindles to gray which then darkens to black. All of her life’s color draining in seconds until she’s gone. Dust. Dead.

And there Klaus is left to witness it all.

There, on a frayed patch of yard, beneath the stark midday sun, Klaus lies agape in the filth of his own making yet again. A Father of Cinders. An Usher of Ruin. The smell of Hayley's charred flesh quickly becoming another orange stink he must learn how to breathe in and out of his nostrils like flame, like ash—the crispest of all things he’s failed to save for his family’s sake.

Sure, why not add another disaster to the ever-multiplying list, he thinks? Why not shoulder all the responsibility for a tragedy from which Hope will never recover? Elijah, either, if he returns to himself someday. How can he not assume the blame for this?

His fault, his fault, his fault.

The temptation to remain crumpled on his knees right now is as potent as the bourbon Klaus needs to slick his throat, to numb the ache in his head, but a faint voice gusts into the clearing at that moment which is equal parts sonorous and soft when it chokes out defiance, strength, and fortitude into the air; and the sound causes him to scrabble to his feet with the speed of a cheetah to pursue the last hope here he knows he can’t bear to lose. Let alone whom.

Fifty paces hence takes mere seconds, but they feel like decades.

Her still-ticking pulse becomes the drumbeat each of his strides produces as he dashes to the front of the house in a blur of alarm. It’s what keeps him breathing. She’s what keeps him moving when his panic thumps so strong he grinds the enamel on his molars off clean.

The world collapses and narrows until her loudening voice is all Klaus hears, until her golden head snaps in his direction again because she’s the only thing he wants to see. She’s the balm to all his monstrosity, to his debilities, and he needs her. He needs her alive more than anything.

Still, a roar from the wolf deep in his chest is not enough to convey all the emotion he feels. There’s no lid to quiet the pain. There’s no coffin to smother it…all of that rage.

Caroline will not be torn from him, too. No, no, no. Never. Not today she won’t, not in a hundred million more lifetimes if he can prevent it. And he bloody will—

Even if it’s the last thing in this life he’s meant to do.

Dust and blood coat her slacks after some minutes of vampire vs. vampire tousling. Prone on her back with gravel stuck in her hair, Caroline fends off her attacker with another boot kick to the groin followed by a swift clonk to the jaw.

“You know, I should be pissed about how many of you asshole Mikaelsons have tried to kill me over the years, but do you know what? I’m no damsel,” she says, tumbling into a squat. “I’m not too dainty to fight back. So go on—” Her words are clipped, her breath heavy with exertion. “Go on and hit me with your best shot, you Wrangler-wearing amnesiac!”

“Interesting choice of last words.”

A stake gripped firmly in each of his fists, Elijah swings down with the right one. It rips off a small patch of her skin with her black sleeve. Since she evaded the more direct hit by wheeling to the right, however, the wound heals quickly.

Caroline laughs. It’s a taunting, corrosive sound.

“You wish those were my last words, buddy.”

“Chatter all you want, girl. But know this,” he says in a tone as equally dispassionate as it is menacing,“I’ll still kill you to help my family dispose of the Mikaelsons’ mixed blood. We will rid the world of their plague one way or another.”

“God, will you listen to yourself right now!?”

Using her shoulders as leverage, Caroline pushes up to slug him across the face for a second time. Elijah spits blood from the corner of his mouth after the blow knocks him backwards. Still standing, however, his jaw taut, he looms forward again in seconds.

“Those people are not your family,” she says. “You’re freaking brainwashed!”

“No. What I am is free.”

“Great. So you’re deluded, too, apparently. That’s freaking fantastic,” Caroline grumbles. Scooting upwards onto her elbows, she strikes out at his ankle with her heel but misses it by inches.

“Luckily for me, your family’s long range psychosis (your real family, I mean) is well-worn and likely to flare every now and again, so I’m used to this kind of thing. I’m stronger because of it. Smarter, too,” she adds as her fingers coil beneath her. Looking up, her lips twitch before she hurls a handful of gravel into Elijah’s face without warning.

Even though he blocks most of it with his forearms, some of the rubble stings his eyes long enough for her to lurch for one of his weapons, which she promptly deposits into his gut. The action drops him to his knees in momentary agony, cursing.

“That may be so,” he grunts, his tongue licking over his mouth roughly, “but I’m afraid even with all that expertise, and despite all of your self-proclaimed Mikaelson experience—”

Elijah’s quicker to recover than Caroline anticipates. He grabs her by the hair before she can flash away, throwing her against the porch railing with a loud smash.

“You’ll never be able to beat me.” It’s whispered almost like a caress. “You can’t win this fight,” he says.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to die trying, won’t I?” Caroline fires back.

“Die?” Elijah snickers. Blood - his blood - drips from the spike he’s dislodged from his ribs. He angles it at her chest again. “Oh, die you will.”

With him towering above her once more, his fangs out, sharpened with fatal purpose, he sneers as Caroline crab walks backward to the first step, which she then uses as a ledge to erect herself back onto her feet with fluid grace.

“Pardon the intrusion,” a voice cuts in at that moment with a low growl, not sorry at all, “but I wouldn’t underestimate that one if I were you. She’s made of the sweetest flames."

“And I’ll roast you for one false move, pal,” Caroline pipes in with a huff.

Squinting, Elijah regards her like she’s a cockroach.

“Death would suit you rather nicely, I think. Yes,” he hisses, “imagine the silence I’ll achieve with it soon.”

She raises her chin to fix him with a look of incredulity at this. It’s a look that, for all its azure ferocity and resistance, would impale his eyeballs to the nearest fence post if it could; but also would like to bludgeon open his head with the plume of a feather to reinstate all his emotional memories first.

“Enough!” the intruder exclaims. He grabs the Original by the shoulder at the same time Caroline rips a spoke free of the railing. “Threatening her life would be ill-advised for anyone under normal circumstances, but this…why - this is—are you bloody insane?"

“Come, come, why not watch while I suck the last visage of light from her veins? A few slurps is all it’d take to silence her forever,” Elijah says in the voice of a stranger, in the voice of an adversary. His lips curl in sinister delight. “What a lovely thought that is.”

“I said enough!” the trespasser growls again. Louder this time. Zooming closer, he’s a ball of temper and anxiety as he clutches the other man by the leather lapels.

“There are limits to the wrath I am able to contain even for you…” he draws out the last bit for emphasis, the vein in his forehead throbbing as Caroline tucks the weapon into her jacket, “brother.”

“Does this girl mean so much to you, Hybrid?” Elijah says.

In answer, Klaus hurls him like a dart at the barn doors across the yard, “Do. Not. Test. Me,” he howls.

Dropping over top of him in a flurry of color, and darkness, and fury that’s hardened his eyes into an inferno of hybrid gold, he kicks through the wreckage until he reaches Elijah’s prone  form beneath a heap of crumpled lumber. He lifts him up by the throat. Then he slams his head hard against a lone standing beam, thrusting a finger into his face.

“There has been enough blood spilt here today, Elijah. Too much.”

“Tell me,” he answers with a strangled cough and a blink, “am I supposed to care?”  

“Klaus, stop, you can’t talk to him. He’s wily and unhinged like this. A morally skewed prick. Just look at his dragging hems, for crying out loud!” Caroline says as she approaches from behind. “That’s proof enough he’s been mentally and magically corrupted by them.”

“Our family has been fractured beyond repair,” Klaus continues without hearing her. He looks a little crazed as he shakes his brother in place like it’ll somehow refasten those loose screws in his brain. “Hayley’s gone - the mother of my child, the woman you loved…is dead. Dead! You let her fall straight into our enemy’s lap!”

“But so help me, I will wring your wretched neck—“ His voice grows thick; heavy, and it hurts to swallow, “I will chain you inside a box (which is something I swore I’d never do to someone in this family again) before I allow you to take Caroline away, too.”

It’s in that moment, just as the sun eclipses behind a cloud to dim the atmosphere like an omen, the wind punting flower petals through the air like knives which sting when they kiss a piece of exposed skin, that Elijah’s features contort into something worse than inscrutable. They refashion, instead, into something aggressive and deranged.

“Her shrieks will sound so much more delicious to me when you fail to save her now, Hybrid,” he says. “I admit I can hardly wait for the symphony.”

“Screw you!” Caroline shouts back.

That’s when he lurches forward to grab Klaus by the elbow. With unimaginable force, he yanks. Fracturing it with a violent twist.

The action frees his two legs, which had been dangling in the air where he was tacked only seconds ago, so that he’s able to kick out at his foe’s knees. Unbalancing him enough to bite his shoulder and push backwards against his chest. Elijah nearly shirks the arm which is swinging back at him in retaliation, but not quite.

Hybrid claws catch his face even though he ducks. Like hooks, they dig and pry into his skin because he’s still within range and Klaus is livid, monstrous beyond legend; leaving cursive track marks from Elijah’s eyebrow all the way down through the white of his collarbone.

Still, the other man’s wide-arced punches leave Elijah with an advantage in the end. One carries too far to the left and exposes his side. Before Klaus can stop him, therefore, and before he can recover in time to parry the attack, he upends him with a knee that breaks his nose and reduces his vision to black dots and sprouting stars. It gives him ample time and opportunity to pin him to the ground with the loose barn beam at his feet. Piercing it through his kidney.

That’s how Elijah leaves him, too: sprawled, writhing, raging, helpless.

It’s why he turns his attentions back to Caroline with keener insight. There’s a patient but exacting grin on his lips as he lays chase again because it’s her vs. him for a moment, and there’s a fierceness blooming across her face that says ‘you’ll pay for that dearly, jerk face.’ It feeds his muscles with adrenaline; it plies his mind with rigor. He craves the rush like heroin.

For it’s here, after everything, that he truly understands Caroline won’t leave Klaus under any circumstances. For, no matter how damning the danger grows, and no matter how stacked-against the odds are in her favor, he sees she’ll leap straight into hell itself if it’ll offer her the slightest chance to reach him again.

How could he have missed this? How could he not have noticed the jewel she’s concealed behind her incessant prattle?

His worth is mine to decide, she’d said to him earlier. Mine.

Her words reverberate with too strong a connotation to demarcate their connection into anything less significant than lovers. Lovers. It makes Elijah feel like an imperceptive fool.

That’s why it doesn’t matter how her death happens now, he’s decided.

He’s realized it’s not important whether he skewers her pink flesh into shoelace peels with his teeth, or detaches her bouncing blonde head from her shoulders with the branch of a tree. It matters not if he cuts through her innards, roasts her in the sun, sucks out her sweet flames through her carotid artery, or wraps her wagging tongue around a heart that no longer beats. All that’s necessary is for her life to end here. Today. All that’s required is for Klaus to be parked in a front row seat, powerless and wretched because he’s piked through the torso, watching—

Watching as Elijah wrenches this girl away from him irrevocably.

The thought makes the elder Original smile.

What is better retribution, after all? What could be better justice for the man who’s already tried to snuff out the love which exists between he and Antoinette? The selfish, sabotaging man. How much easier will it be to extract what they need from him afterwards? Once she’s dead.

Ah, the glory of it! The honor! Punishment for both the Hybrid’s meddling and his impurity will be much more satisfactory to achieve now that he knows the best way to inflict it—personally.

“Listen for the crescendo, will you? I believe it’s my favorite cadence of killing,” he says, glancing at Klaus over his shoulder to add drolly, “brother.”

“No more of this! No more of this, damn you!” he replies as his fingernails bruise the land where he’s still impaled.

“Klaus! Listen to me, please!”

Like a whip, Caroline’s voice cracks at the same moment gray rain begins to spit on top of them from stratus mouths. The wind gusts so hard it vibrates with staffs of yellow and blue and shatters all the remaining windows in the house. The space around them transforms into a whistling hellmouth of tension and grief, of anger and estrangement, and of terror too palpable to bear, in seconds.

And what’s worse, is that the worst of it all feels tragically possible now because Elijah’s all coup de force with shards of wood flying everywhere as his skewed morality and loyalty to the wrong family helps to move his feet like a rabid beast’s. Meanwhile, Caroline’s zooming forward through a fang-bared maze and cycloning storm with eyes that scream out, then pour into the beam stuck in Klaus’ back almost in elegy.

The inflamed blue of her eyes drenches his soul in any number of ways, because what if he can’t shatter this obstacle soon? What if he doesn’t…what if she…how can he not save her? How?

Leaping over Klaus’ arms at that moment, she flashes away with Elijah on her haunches. Then, without breaking stride, she reaches into her jacket pocket before she glances back at the prone Original long enough to demand for him to understand. Pleading for him to place faith and trust in what her words mean, “The jeans, Klaus! The freaking jeans!” she yells as she jets in front of him one last time.

“So wasteful,” Elijah says as he nearly hooks an arm around her neck in victory, “since those truly will be your last words this—”

Trip

Stab

Snap

He’s unconscious and face-first on the ground in seconds. A railing spoke from the porch jabbed between his two shoulder blades.

“I think not as much as you’ll regret being brought down by your own poor fashion choices. Compel yourself a tailor next time. I mean, really,” Caroline says over his body with a triumphant hum, cuffing up his baggy pant legs. She pops up from a crouch to take Klaus’ offered hand with a weak smile afterwards.

“That was inspired thinking on your part,” he says.

“Nah, not really. Legally Blonde obsession simply served me well today is all.”

“Elle Woods has nothing on you, love. Believe me.”

“Yeah, well, no way was your brother getting away with saying I talk too much. No man would. Besides,” she continues with a snort, “you did warn him not to underestimate me.”

“That I did.”

After they tie Elijah to a tree out of sight with the vervain chains in her trunk, intent on keeping him subdued until their non-Hollow’d reinforcements arrived to take him away, they amble back toward the house.

“Thanks for the tripping assist, by the way,” Caroline says.

Shrugging, Klaus slinks an arm around her waist like it belongs there, “It was the least I could do.”

“Come on, teamwork suits us. Don’t deny it,” she says with a bump of her hip.

“I’m not.”

“What’s wrong?” she asks suspiciously, her heightened senses on red alert again because of his abstract demeanor. “Is there another—”

“No,” he cuts in, his thumb hooking more firmly into her belt loop, “it’s nothing.”

Caroline rolls her eyes at his flat, disgruntled tone, at the way he sighs before disappearing into the enigmatic labyrinth of his mind where she can’t follow, so she stops them on a seared patch of sidewalk. Then crosses her arms.

“Look, I know me being the one to stab him wasn’t ideal,” she says, feeling his growing intensity, “but with the beam already starting to splinter in your back like that, I knew if I ran him close enough you’d be able to topple him so I could—”

Klaus shuts her up with a kiss.

The timing of it is bad. (Couldn’t be worse, really.) It’s totally inappropriate considering how fraught the past twenty minutes have been with the threat of magic and wolf-binding, with a rescue of innocents that’s succeeded but still reeks of flesh and bloodshed, of muck, and of family wreckage that will never be able to be repaired because it’s been ripped off the hinges. It’s burnt to shreds with a house and a barn that’s no longer standing upright.

There’s so much to discuss, too. There are so many decisions to be made about what to do next…

Hayley? Hope? Elijah? New Orleans?

Do they collect the girl’s ashes before they leave; and if so, in what? How will Hope react once she awakes? What all did Roman know about this? Can they find a witch/Marcel team to fix Elijah’s mind, or is it hopeless to try now that so much of him has been magically reconditioned? Should she call Bonnie, or would that cross some kind of line? And, like, could the sky stop weeping blood already because - Mikaelson curse or not - who the hell needs all this staining and stickiness on their designer clothes?

…And on and on and on the questions flow!

The biggest problem now, though, is that Klaus’ kiss is so hot and crushing with feeling that it’s halted the million-and-a-half thoughts buzzing through Caroline’s head which still need solving. She’s too distracted, too lost to the sweet but scraping taste of his tongue in her mouth.

He makes love to her lips in a way no one but an artist knows how. There’s an array of color, meticulousness, delicacy, and swooping claim to be laid down on her wherever she allows him to paint with his kisses. And before she knows it, before she can locate her sense of rationality long enough to steady her pulse again and stop this, her fingers are burying themselves into the curls at the nape of his neck to draw him closer, and closer; the giant butterfly flip in her stomach telling her only one thing:

Screw it. Let the questions wait for awhile.

So she does.

They do.

[medievalcat]

ok. I finished Children of God (sequel to The Sparrow), and while I was able to follow it better than when I first read it (I think I was really distracted a few years ago, and had trouble focusing).....I didn’t like it as much as the first one, which I’m aware isn’t an unpopular opinion, even though I didn’t hate all of it. Here are my thoughts on why it didnt work imo and what I did like about it.

The Sparrow would naturally be a hard act to follow, and I get that sometimes sequels do different things than the first installations. book one is about Emilio and book two is about Rakhat. Okay. I think there’s a lot of interesting material that could have been made of Emilio, John, and all the new guys visiting Rakhat years after the first expedition. It’s what the author did- and, really, this was present in the first book as well, and one of the first book’s issues, but here it’s really one of the main points of the story and far more prominent than ever before- that didn’t succeed. It’s the story of Rakhat....but given how Rakhat is written, maybe it shouldnt have been. This book honestly ranged from “enjoyable” to “disappointing” to “implicitly or explicitly expressing horrible views”.

It’s one thing to make an oppression storyline in a fantasy setting- FMA for example does this. But in that, the victims are humans. In this, not only does the story do an oppression narrative about fantasy creatures, which is already a very difficult thing to pull off, she repeatedly draws comparisons between nonhuman aliens and things like the Holocaust and genocide and oppression of Native Americans. She even has her one native character draw this comparison and *stay behind on another planet instead of going to earth* for some “reservation” plotline at the end.  This is a good example of why when we criticize media sometimes we have to focus specifically on the writers who choose to make these events happen, who choose to write certain stories and who choose to frame them in certain ways. I’m kind of glad this book doesn’t have a fandom, really, because tumblr types would focus on which aliens’ side is “right” and not on the fact that the author chose to write some fantasy creature oppression story with incoherent imperialism commentary while trivializing real genocides. I remember a really uncomfortable paragraph in the first one that implied the Ottoman Empire was some kind of safe haven for all ethnic/religious groups as well as a line (keep in mind these were written in the 90s) about how Bosnia is violent because of ............ “blood feuds”. Many people have said this story is weak because it focused on these new alien characters and the Rakhat storyline so much. This, for me, is the main reason why that storyline was so weak.

One thing I liked was some of the new characters. I liked Danny and Joseba and Nico and Sean and Gina and Pope Gelasius. I think this book kind of did a “later season of Vikings” so that there were suddenly all these new people but few of them got good development. So that was a weakness but I didn’t mind many of the characters in and of themselves and enjoyed these new additions. Sure they weren’t like the people in the first book but that’s okay. They added new perspectives. Danny had a lot of interesting stuff about forgiveness that I liked. I also liked initially how Sofia was revealed to be alive but....she was shafted. We barely see her in favor of her badly offensively written written son (I know this was written 20 years ago but. the way he and his disability are portrayed as like...literally “alien” even though ths is supposed to be a “positive”.... is honestly....why  the living fuck did she do this....) and Supaari’s daughter who he CONCEIVED FROM RAPE and we’re just supposed to be ok with that bc the author very conveniently wrote the victim to be as unsympathetic as possible and because “uwu miracle of life!! yay children!” I’m supposed to buy that Sofia, a child trafficking survivor, is allies and friends with a man who not only is a rapist but sold a person she loved into sex slavery.......after the narrative called to attention how similar Sofia and Emilio’s experiences were, and the first book was an imperfect story but a deep introspective exploration of the effects of SA.....lol ok. And then she gets killed off at the end offscreen in a single sentence.

There’s also....I really doubt she intended some of this but it’s clearly in the story .... it really has bad implications, that the only relations between men are abusive in both books. there are literally no other relations between men, even though there is a gay character (who I understand  is a celibate priest, and having a gay priest is cool!) but....it just doesnt have good implications that relations between men are only ever presented as bad. especially because the thing that truly “heals” Emilio is being with a woman and I think in our society (and thus our media) we have a real problem with thinking that “healing” as a sexual abuse victim means having sex with a man if youre a woman and with a woman if you’re a man, and that male sa victims of men are only really victims if they like women (and, of course, women sa victims in general just have to like men). Of course there is nothing wrong with Gina, I loved her, and nothing is wrong with writing an sa survivor who is able to have a relationship after. But MDR killed her off for no good reason. The other crew members dying in the first book, those were well written character deaths. and how many times did she do the “this woman died but thats whatever narratively, because she has a kid uwu miracle of life” thing in this sequel. I think MDR is like GRRM in that she has good intentions clearly, and has such good sff works/characters and takes oh the Human Experience and everything, but doesn’t always know how to handle issues in a responsible way and it’s really glaring even if there are obviously worse people in media. To be honest (and again, here Im glad there’s no fandom, because people are so weird about this stuff) MDR should have just had Emilio and John be together. “Your friendship should have been proof enough of God” ???????? hello??????  Their relationship was one of  the things that actually was well fleshed out in the sequel until John and all the other guys who weren’t in the Camorra  just.....stayed on Rakhat forever.

Part of the handling of Sofia seemed like a broader pattern of the plot being completely forced. Everything happens for some sake of The Plot- this is something later seasons of GOT have been criticized for. This plot in particular, in addition to the alien oppression metaphor, seemed to want to make everything about the story in particular its end be some kind of “bookend” to mirror the first book. Sofia dies (for real this time. honestly....her death in the first one was good writing!), Emilio and his unlikely escorts go home, no one else gets to go home, there’s a huge societal upheaval on Rakhat because of the humans, a huge reveal about Rakhat’s “divine” music. I have nothing against this kind of narrative device but when it’s this forced to the point where the story is blatantly constructed for the sake of this......it didn’t work. The “music” plot twist was like..............really??? All of that? They’re staying on this planet? If they had all gotten more time in the story (because this book is the same length as the first book but has far more different subplots and far longer of a timespan and far more narrators) we might  find that more plausible. I don’t think everything needs to be spelled out for us. In the first book when everyone is stranded, it’s clear that they think this is tragic, but they are trying to make the best of it because they all love each other and are together. In this one they don’t all have that kind of bond and it’s dependent on the long-winded and incoherent Rakhat political storyline. Because a lot of it isn’t even that well developed in addition to the earlier addressed things. We go between random one-off characters. So much is about the war but it’s written so anti-climatically. Sofia broke down in the first book when she learned they were stranded, and now she doesn’t care at all about returning back to Earth because the Runa are “her people” now, but how much of that is really what she tells herself to cope with what she lost- and what she experienced on earth in her youth? we don’t know. The Pope just....sent Emilio who became probably the most infamous person on Earth, back into space, and it wasn’t a big deal for the Church or at all? And all it took for it to happen was a handful of Camorra men with Vatican connections, who were just adapted so well to space travel and extended time on a new planet that initially made the people in the first book sick when transitioning into life there? And let me reiterate we’re supposed to accept that the divinely ordained reason all this happened was because Isaac wrote music inspired by human and alien dna and it sounded wonderful? 

This just felt very forced. “Emilio never wants to go back to Rakhat so obviously this book has to be about how he goes back there and accepts that it actually happened for a Good Reason bc of some music, and music was the way they found it in the first place.” How about how he accepts that it happened and comes to terms with what happened to him without either hating himself for his actions or thinking it was all For The Greater Good Actually, because you cant undo the past, aka what the first book was building up to and culminated in? idk. the first book was all about how bad things happen and that this doesn’t mean we have to give up our faith even if we question our faith. this was more like “every cloud has a silver lining lol”.

There were many nice things- Emilio’s friendship with Nico, many of the moments with Sofia towards the end and her reuniting with Emilio, John getting more to do, the new Pope, Celestina ending up having an important job as a theater and leaving a trail of men in her wake lol. I don’t want to say don’t read this. But if you like the first book you might not like this one, and if you’re considering reading the first book, it.....works best as a standalone.

[daughterofdescartes]

This has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it so personally! The importance of narrative

today while i was sweeping the floor; my dog aggressively attacked the cleaning brush as it approached him, seeing the brush as a threat. i yelled at him “what are you angry at? this has nothing to do with you! i’m just trying to clean the floor!”; but sadly he didn’t understand me. 

later in the evening i got upset for de zoveelste keer about something that upset me around a month and a half ago. i got triggered because i saw the instagram username of this girl who in my narrative has wronged me; has hurt me and caused me pain. i tried calming myself down looking up videos on youtube on how to let go of anger and hurt feelings. at the same time i also let a few tears out, just because. 

after all this time i still couldnt quite grasp why this person or situation angered me so much. i was like my dog mindlessly trying to bite something that isn’t even trying to bite me back. i have been continuously seeing this girl as a threat, when in reality she never was; no longer is; and will never be a threat to me. yet why did i feel this way? is it because i felt like she attempted to steal a prized possession? it’s not like she succeeded so why am i angry? looking at the story in a different way, i realize there’s no need to be angry because the threat was never really there. yes it can be scary knowing you can’t control other people’s actions; but it should also be freeing; if i can’t control the world around me why should i be so worried about it? what’s happened already happened, and whatever happened has nothing to do with me! whatever happened between those two people; was something that happened between them two, so why did it feel like i was so involved once i got to know the situation? 

my own original take on the situation was that this girl tried to steal my boyfriend before we officially started dating. did she succeed? no; so first of all my feelings of jealousy are already unwarranted. second of all, my boyfriend is not my possession; he is his own independent person and he chooses his own actions. what he did or what she did has nothing to do with me. whatever they did were all their own personal snap-decisions. constantly grinding my own teeth to this old story isn’t productive or doing me any good, so why focus so much on it?

a less painted narrative of this story could be; this girl tried to make things work with this guy she liked; but he didn’t like her back. the end. too bad for the girl, hopefully one day she’ll find someone! 

so all this time i couldn’t let this anger towards this girl go; because i was so mad she supposedly tried to “steal” my not-boyfriend at the time. that she attempted to take something away from me. when i realize she never succeeded; why should i continue being mad? is there something else that bothers me? when i realize she was just a drunk girl who had a crush on a guy; what does that even have to do with me? yes i know them both; but why should that bother me? this was their story, not mine. 

yes; it is unfortunate that i got to know about this in a very uncomfortable way, but now there is already nothing i can do about me knowing this information, and with time, my feelings towards this event will neutralize. realizing, hey whatever they did, was just something they did because that was what they thought was the right thing to do. so can’t you forgive them and let them go; for your own sake, pretty please? who cares anyways about what happened almost 8 months ago. no need to get stuck in the past :d. what is the relevancy of this to the present? not much; except that you’re still processing the emotions of the whole shock of finding out about this story. yes; it’s sensational, yes it might be scandalous, but mind your own business! you’ve nothing to do with this! you were out of the picture. accept that. 

what are my biggest fears surrounding this story. what upset me the most? i was embarrassed that i didn’t know about this for so long and felt like an idiot. it’s not like i ever wanted to know. the fact alone that i found out upsets me, because in reality i never wanted to know that my boyfriend could ever do something with someone else. idk why i’m so jealous and insecure. it’s not like i am below her so why do i feel that way? is there something wrong with me? i’m scared that maybe one day my boyfriend really could choose someone else over me. it terrifies me. i hated that this whole situation made me realize that, whatever i have now is not warranted; and you never know what could happen. the insecurity of not knowing the future; it’s crippling to me sometimes. it makes my throat close up and i feel like i can hardly breathe. the fear of not being loved. the fear that there is someone better than you. that i am worthless; that i’m not good enough. the fear is so suffocating it feels like somebody is stepping on my throat. these are all the stories i tell myself. somewhere along the way to adulthood; i have conditioned myself to believe these thoughts. when did this start? and what makes me believe that these thoughts are true?

i believe my real fear is that i am scared these worries will become reality. that i won’t be needed. i’ll be tossed away and replaced by somebody else. that i am not good enough. when i was little my parents always compared me to the “perfect” children; kids who always did better in school, kids that took better care of their parents and helped them. even when you try your best as a kid; it’s still not good enough. “you just don’t listen. you should be nicer to me.” they tell you, “you ungrateful, disobedient, spoiled brat.” they call you. then you start questioning yourself. why am i not good enough no matter what i do? my parents were never satisfied. 

this negative narrative that has been engrained in my mind is so exhausting. it’s an automatic train of thought that needs to be unlearned. you start believing this is how the world actually sees you and how you really are. when really it’s just a story that was fed to you since you were little. the reason i took this particular story outside of my world so badly is because i personified it and attached it to my own story so that it could fit my own beliefs about myself. 

i’d like to tell myself that no; this didn’t happen because they were out to get you; that was never that person’s intention. your boyfriend isn’t going to leave you for someone else; trust him for that. you are good enough and worthy. you’re doing just fine, babe :’).

[home-halone]

Hey do u mind uh sharing that philosophy class revelation bc my rp characters are real flat

Oh no, if you feel you can improve on a character, then it’s great you’re looking for help on that!

but oh boy, I probably don’t have my notes on it anymore as this was nearly 5 years ago [sweaty spaghetti] and most of the readings on it can come across super boring but a lot of it involves the Philosophy of self for starters, and some ideas derived from that. 

I’m not going to delve in which-philosopher-said-what and the exact terminologies because it’s been so long and I’m not an authority on it but I’m going to try to put it in really dumb simple terms because my professor was an absolute genius in contextualizing all the ideas for the contemporary student. GET READY FOR THE ASSPULL OF THE CENTURY.

[Super long pretentious rambling and answers under the cut]

As in general writing advice, what I know in philosophy is, you need to have a strong sense/idea of character (or Self) in order to define someone’s identity. By that I mean, you really need like a high level of awareness in terms of motivations, morals, values etc. for your character’s identity. It’s best to start with the core character themselves, then move on to their relationship with the world outside and around them.

David Hume’s theory on defining one’s identity rests less on the individual self and more in relation to experiences with other people/things etc outside the self. Just think of the nurture part of the nature vs nurture thing. This thought could be really useful in shaping a character though their experiences and they could come out as a different person after the calamity and you could follow that idea in your writing.

Other philosophers have other ideas in what grounds the self and it sounds super boring and confusing but if you’re able to get through it and apply it somehow to your characters it can be pretty rewarding.

I like to think there’s some truth and sense in all theories and that’s why they do hold up, even when they’re contradicted. Not a lot of them have a “final” answer of being true/false. Most of the criticisms I hear about philosophy is that it’s all stupid and circular because you get no real answer, but it’s sort of like reading The Alchemist, where, yeah it’s absolutely circular but if you don’t find meaning in it then it will be senseless. Sometimes it gets all cherry-picking-what-you-want but imo there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re happy with defining your existence a certain way. ANYWAY.

Seriously philosophers have a lot of conflicting opinions in defining something because oh boy. In terms of morality, Immanuel Kant, for example, put a lot of emphasis in defining doing “good” as something that can only be done when consciously done for goodness’ sake in itself like. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to be nice to someone, or it’s in your nature, or you’re doing good things because “you’d do the same thing”. These are all actions motivated by a will that isn’t purely for the sake of doing the right thing. His idea is, you have to be selflessly doing the right thing BECAUSE it’s the right thing.

See, uhh I ended up rambling lmao because I don’t follow each idea exactly, and other philosophers have other definitions of good and some of them might focus on actualization (doing a good deed) vs intent (motivation), but when I see how nuanced the ideas in philosophy are I start incorporating that in characters and ‘break’ the rules in a sense. 

I have a good two-shoes character (Saraswati) who is outwardly virtuous, softspoken, a model student and the general idea of good but she is the exact type of person that would not qualify for the Kantian definition of good. Her motivation for doing the right thing and following rules is because she’d always done so for her entire life and because it was expected of her. She had no reason to stray from that until she was removed from her safe space and thrust into what basically was a lawless place. Underneath all the good deeds and “niceness” was a lot of selfishness and she had the “if I do this for x, they would do it for me too” type of mentality. Sara wasn’t manipulative per se, but she wasn’t above hoping to instill a sense of indebtedness in people through her kindness (without cashing in on it through demands, she sort of hopes they just realize and recognize her actions, so in polite society she knows her way around). She may be viewed as ‘good’ ICly but anyone reading her thoughts might have a tougher time responding. Through her ignorance, she’s innocent but she’s definitely on the darker, muddled side of goodness, despite qualifying as lawful good.

I have another character (Laidy) who did everything from change her name and leave home, to swear off magic completely to cut ties with her affluent family. She had a solid identity as a prodigy in magic but was completely unhappy with fulfilling her role as heir to a very ancient knowledge. Her family was absolutely cold to her but doted on her brother. A lot of her frustration was the lack of affection, denial of expression and envy of her brother's freedom. Despite this, she was kind to him, recognizing a reflection of herself in him and she grew increasingly rebellious etc until she left.

At some point later in life Laidy became a performer and innkeeper who joined a band of adventurers and became their beloved mother figure. There she found all the love and support she craved, and acted as she pleased. There are two identities here, and only one of them defines her. Even if her past does play a part, her values say that it was a different time in her life that has nothing to do with her present, and accompanying this is the various changes she'd adopted to mold herself.

A particular dilemma she once faced was a life-or-death situation involving her sort-of-adopted kids, that required magic to revive someone on the brink of death. Even in this situation she would not revert to her old self (despite being more than powerful enough to make a difference) to save someone she now considered beloved. It was a real struggle (luckily someone else was also secretly a mage IC) but a closely-guarded principle she adheres to, to assert her sense of self as an individual and not merely a "foolish" extension of her former "respectable" life.

So, those are examples of how I might incorporate what I learned in a character. I take an archetype and try to dissect it and find something to explore. Try to figure out what DEFINES an archetype of a character and ask questions. What exactly makes a “mad scientist” mad? What about someone overly religious? What aspect of that do you want to delve into?  It’s less the actual philosophical ideas since I can’t remember all the stuff I’ve read tbh LOL, and more like applying the type of thinking I’ve learned after all those hecking classes lol.

It extends to their relationships with other people and even defining what love/affection/hatred is to them. Don’t stop thinking at “X loves Y”, like, actually define the act of loving. In romantic love, do they view themselves as being one with someone else (like in the poetic Christian way people describe at weddings)? What does that mean for your character? Do they overstep a sense of self and “mine-ness” and cross over into the experience of another and act on their behalf for their own sake? Are they aware of it? Is it ‘good’ in their values? Is love some sort of mutual journey of self-improvement or knowledge? Is love living separately as two whole selves and not about demanding, but giving?

Even ideals like freedom can be analyzed like, what does that actually mean for a character who was formerly held captive (maybe an Ala Mhigan)? Is it ‘freedom’ in a sense where they do as they please without consequence? Is it the type of freedom you get when you have culpability/accountability/responsibility for something, as this means you’re recognized as an individual with their own actions and motivations. Is freedom being able to choose anything and everything? Is it possible to recognize the assertion of one’s freedom in a more finite situation??

Characters that progress in change don’t always progress neatly. Sometimes they stumble, sometimes they make a complete u-turn. Sometimes it’s going from one bad mentality to another (lovestruck overconfident Ducimel becoming an indulgent but uncertain person).

IDK IF I’M GETTING MY POINT ACROSS because philosophy is a huge mess and jumping into it can be confusing and meaningless without experiencing what is being described (Descartes’ I think therefore I am’ sounds super weird and funky and very ‘people die if they are killed’ without knowing) but also because I myself am a mess

anyway tl;dr I don’t remember the EXACT revelation but this the mindset I have when I’m deciding on a aspects of my character. I take a “truth” or “fact” and question its definition to the core and try to deconstruct/reconstruct it because people have different values and perceptions and try to play with the derived idea and see how that fits with the original archetype and how it plays against it.

 I’m sorry if it wasn’t super helpful fdsjsflk

[xxhanachanxx]

It shouldn’t be my place in having to bring up something that happened to end up being bad from a year ago, but the interaction that I had when the user responded to one of my drawings and having to be accused of something that I didn’t have any ill intention for infuriated me at times to the point I want to fucking slam my head so that I can forget about it - the interaction angered me more than having to be accused for being ‘racist’. As much as I can admit that I could’ve done a better job with the coloring style, I want to at least make sure that everybody got the idea and know where I’m coming from - even having to do something different from what I’ve done in the past is better than doing the same. If there’s anything that I want to share regarding the interaction I had with the user on Tumblr, here’s what I have to say - I was kind enough in trying my best to explain on why Moana looked ‘grey’ and was hoping to get some kind of response that would sound understanding and maybe share some critique. But no, the first few words that I see from them was “Excuse me? Don’t ‘fam’ me?” - yes, I said fam and to those who oppose me or anybody for that matter for using such lingo I totally get it, but at the same time I was being too kind to you while trying to write out a decent response for fucks sake; I was fucking nice, but go fucking off I guess. Idk what the user is up to atm and I had them blocked after the interaction, but I feel like you wasted some time in giving me a proper response once I replied to you - I even doubt you’ll ever see this post, but it’s best if I can share my side of the story.

So what am I trying to get out of as I’m writing this post? If you ever have any questions and/or criticism regarding my art, posts or you ever want to chat with me (or even both), I expect you to be kind, understanding, and genuine - don’t be like the user that I interacted with... And most importantly, if we ever want to discuss racism I want to step away from fiction and focus on real issues rather than making my art piece - where it’s just Moana in modern clothing and not fucking propaganda - into some kind of ‘woke’ issue; in fact, it’s kinda stupid it shouldn’t be brought up to begin with but hey at least you to get to hear what I feel about such things overall... Anyways, that concludes my rant - that being said, I’m out.