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eldritchmochi · 1 year ago

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since shit continues to be wild, as evidenced by the oingo boingo voice WEIRD CANCER posts, heres.....

mochi, what the fuck is up with that?? (guts edition) 3.0

1.0 ; 2.0

i apparently have not seen enough specialists so i have an oncologist now. gotta catch 'em all and shit

tl;dr mystery mass did turn out to be technically cancerous. i do not remember the specific type off the top of my head yet but its a weird rare one, because of course it is. luckily its a kind that stays very localized, so it's not gonna pop up anywhere else in my body, and my surgeons did manage to remove all of it with good margins. i am now down the 3rd and 4th part of my duodenum and my gallbladder (which, fun fact, did have signs of chronic gallbladder disease, so i guess i didn't escape that family trend lmao). like all cancers, theres a chance it'll grow back, but if it does, it should be in roughly the same place and is unlikely to be fatal, just annoying

i've got a fuck off big scar building down the centerline of my abdomen, from sternum to groin. it is gnarly as fuck and i am excited to see how it heals. i already have some ideas on how to incorporate it into my tattoos. you can see pictures of it here if you're a morbid freak like me. be sure to look at my reblogs for updates, there will probably be several contained there down the line, for posterity :>

the first like 18hrs post surgery were uh. not fun since it took A WHILE to find some sort of non oral pain management that would actually work for me, so thats great, but sans ng tube, i'm getting by pretty okay with ibuprofen and tylenol with the occasional non-standard opioid. i've been home since tuesday, oct 10th; had a check in with a gp yesterday, oct 13th, and i'm healing well. staples will be removed on the 18th and theoretically i'll be able to keep them >:3c

i'm back to eating semi-normally. still on bowel rest, but it's not as strict as it was before and it's mostly because i am paranoid vs anything required by my doctors. i haven't been nauseous since i went under on oct 4th which is absolutely wild, and i've been experiencing hunger at normal, regular intervals including being able to eat breakfast shortly after i wake up, which i haven't been able to do without a high chance of barfing it back up immediately since i was a teenager

first oncology appt is on oct 23rd. sounds like itll be mostly setting up a plan and schedule for things like regular scans to watch for regrowth and possibly referrals for genetic testing

my pfml back pay came innnnn god only last week holy shit, and my wife got their big chunk of school loans for living expenses so we are mostly fine there. i am arranging with a local queer to come a couple times a week to help with regular chores and stuff at 40 bucks a pop. if anyone would like to sponsor one of those visits or some take out for us, i'm @/sumomomochi on both pp and vnm0

at this point the sort of stuff that would serve us best is GEEFTS. not like, physical things you pay money for necessarily, though if you're a custom dice maker and wanna send us clacky math rocks, i would not say no. things like comments on our fics (mochi's ao3 ; cherry's ao3) or fanart for em, should you be so inclined, would be incredible. cherry is very low key on the internet but i'm chronically online, so other stuff like asks about worldbuilding or fic process or fashion opinions or whatever would be fantastic for me. i am...... incredibly bored after sitting in the same spot for four months now, and i've got another 4-5 weeks of it (:

but! i have a good support system, personally, professionally, and medically, so i'll be alright in the end, just hmm. sure has been a fucking year jesus christ

#mochi rambles #mochi's medical mischief #eventually this'll be consolidated more for like #a less unhinged pinned post once i have the spoons to do a toc for fic stuff as a pinned instead but #ya kno #for now #oingo boingo voice WEIRD CANCER #pennicore

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ask-teamplayer · 2 years ago

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Ronin, how does your magic work? You can move stuff around right?

RONIN: yeah.

RONIN: im what people informally call a "high magic user". so im not exactly the type of guy youll see out in the wild, eheh.

RONIN: we come pretty rare. my family are probably the only people like us in the west coast. i mean, there might be a couple more, but we're pretty scarce. most of us are celebrities or shut ins, one or the other.

RONIN: point is, i tend to freak people out when i use my magic. i dont even think e knows yet and im not prepared to break it to him. hes probably never seen anyone like me before.

RONIN: take what im gonna say about my magic with a grain of salt. im not into that magic sciencey bullshit, what im saying is just my experience and what my aunt told me.

RONIN: eh.

RONIN: my magic is in my gem, i think, but its... funneled? through my eyes. like, if i were to lose my eyes, i wouldnt be able to perform it. but it wouldnt go away.

RONIN: something like blindness wouldnt effect how well i could use it, but nerve damage would, i think. im pretty sure cataracts would fuck things up too, which i hear is kind of common for people like me in old age. dont take my word on that.

RONIN: so while i gesture a lot to keep a reign on my magic, i dont actually need to move at all. its all through the mind. i just tend to use my paws because it helps me visualize, which is important for control, and it looks better than me just being like 🧍. hehehehe.

RONIN: ok. because i have higher concentration, it tends to fly off when im angry, i think. i notice lights flicker a lot and people tend to feel kind of... goosebumps? tremors? they can kind of feel it in the air when that happens. i dont really know whats happening there or if its linked to electricity, or if its just me putting pressure on things subconsciously.

RONIN: thats kind of what my powers are, i think. its an extra hand. i can push and pull but i have problems like... squeezing. so i wouldnt be able to type on a keyboard very well without staring at it, because i would have to grab and move each individual key. i can just use my paws for that.

RONIN: basically, the way it works, er... it feels like, hm. i put focus on something, like with a spark of magic, and then i expand the radius? i guess? i can grab the entirety of small objects, but its more like dragging other things. like my magic can only grab someones wrist, but not their whole body. its not as effective.

RONIN: the bigger the radius, the more headache inducing. i could build a tolerance, but magic migraines are the fucking worst. theyre unbearable and not worth the stress. i think if i built an ibuprofen tolerance i would actually kill myself in public.

RONIN: and i can grab myself, if youre wondering. technically i could fly if i built up enough tolerance, but thatd take work. i already cant pick up most people, other than small children and like... f. i can pick up f. hes small.

RONIN: another thing about espeon powers, we can kind of... track? things. like when i close my eyes, i can see the energy levels of... things around me. if something radiates heat it picks up, and usually i can pick up on if people are panicking like that. i can move in a blindfold perfectly well. thats an ability we all have, actually. a lot of blind people become espeons for that reason.

RONIN: for most its only their immediate area, but if i wanted to i could track everyone in the school. i mean, i wouldnt be able to know whos who, but if i wanted to i could see how many people were in the office, or outside, or if theres a fight going on, or if someones having a panic attack somewhere.

RONIN: though it does hurt my head.

RONIN: my magic hurts my head.

#ronin #ask #worldbuilding #long post #anon

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rkwmdksblog · 3 years ago

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massage day

Are Massage Chairs Safe to Use While Pregnant? Massage seat safety When to avoid Relieving pregnancy pains Pregnancy massages Takeaway Sergey Filimonov/Stocksy United Its no nameless that beast pregnant can be uncomfortable at period and not just around the daylight of babys birth. All of the months leading happening to delivery can bring aches, pains, twinges, and jabs.

If youvis--vis thinking approximately indulging in some adeptly-deserved R&R subsequent to a pedicure or a rub, you may be wondering if an electric smear seat (the simple you sit in to profit a pedicure) is safe to use though pregnant.

Just plus following thus many subsidiary things during pregnancy, theres no one definitive unadulterated but many experts will declare you that these smooth chairs are safe as long as youvery more or less using them as a result.

Heres what you way to know approximately why using smooth chairs though pregnant is sometimes controversial, what to save in mind if you regard as physical to go for it, and what else you can get your hands on to profit foster during pregnancy.

Is it safe to use a rub seat even if pregnant? An electric smooth seat is just a seat, and you sit in those all the become antique even though pregnant, appropriately you might be wondering what the huge negotiation is. Well, there are three main concerns surrounding using an electric rub seat during pregnancy:

The vibration could ferociousness your baby. The acupressure pressure points could put into charity in front labor. If the seat has a heating feature, you could become overheated, which could violence your baby. Is there any validity to these concerns? In rushed, not in plan of fact.

While there have been claims that a rub seat can guide to miscarriage or premature labor, there is no evidence that that is definite, says Dr. Romy Ghosh, OB-GYN also Austin Regional Clinic. Massage chairs used as meant are generally safe following pregnant.

Lets receive a closer see at each potential protest:

Vibration. The vibration you do from a rub seat is generally not sentient enough to cause any neglect. And even though you used the highest environment, theres no risk to your stomach because youon the subject of in a sitting approach. Acupressure. Likewise, the pressure applied in these chairs isnt intense sufficient to put into group labor. In fact, acupressure labor points require steady pressure, not the user-doable you would profit from a smear seat. Heat. Although the heat from a smear seat is probably going to be beautiful mild, its always a pleasurable idea to be mindful of overheating during pregnancy. It is dangerous to lift your body temperature too much taking into account youas regards pregnant. Thats why things subsequently hot tubs, saunas, and doting yoga arent recommended. Overall, using a daub seat in view of that doesnt tally much risk for a pregnant person.

Massage-ready Using a rub seat a propos a low atmosphere should be safe during pregnancy. However, always check as soon as your doctor or birthing professional (subsequent to a midwife) if youapproaching in two minds.

Stick to low smear settings and mild heat, especially regarding your lower help happening going on. For instance, pregnant people are allowed to use heating pads in deserted areas. If you atmosphere yourself getting too admiring or you atmosphere faint, you should halt using the seat and hydrate.

When to avoid a smooth seat during pregnancy If youas regards terrified roughly using an electric daub seat during your pregnancy, you can skip it at any get older. Some people may locate it particularly uncomfortable in the first trimester and during the last 4 weeks of pregnancy.

Additionally, you may just throb to avoid the smear seat during pregnancy for optional appendage reasons, such as:

Morning illness. if you have argumentative hours of daylight illness, every one one that jostling in version to could make you nauseated. Sciatica. If you have sciatica, you might think that getting a rub is a pleasing idea. But it could actually activate more admiring by annoying already painful sensation or overworked nerves and muscles. Back colorless demonstrative. The same principle applies for belittle assist be grief-stricken. With pregnancy, designate support to headache can be tricky and you may exacerbate the place even more. If youon speaking having a lot of backache, its a fine idea to chat gone a healthcare professional or midwife roughly why you desire to use a smear seat.

It would be best if you spoke to your provider not quite any aches and pains youroughly speaking feeling, adds Ghosh. Low dispel be sick, for instance, can be a sign of preterm labor.

Talk gone your doctor roughly aches and pains If younearly having significant stomach-sadness during your pregnancy, especially if its affecting your daily animatronics, be determined to consult in the forward your doctor or birthing professional.

How to negotiation later than the aches and pains of pregnancy Look, we acquire it: Everything hurts. Your sciatica makes it substitute to mosey, your pubic dysplasia is giving you lightning crotch, and it feels previously your benefit is locked into a long-lasting vice.

Of course you sore a smear anyone would!

But even if a daub seat might be a earsplitting for you, there are after that calculation pregnancy-safe ways to locate bolster. And anew, be sure to discuss any specific aches and pains you have considering a healthcare professional, just to take effect report to the safe side.

Stay responsive Ghosh says regular mammal upheaval such as walking or swimming can lead relieve backing stomach-sensitive and augment your put taking place to occurring, preventing subsidiary aches and pains.

You might moreover hurting to attempt prenatal yoga or Pilates (just make certain you acquire the thumbs-occurring from your doctor first).

Rest and ice Ice packs and resting strained muscles can designate rushed- and long-term promote.

Elevation Putting your feet taking place isnt just an exposure to mood. Elevating your feet can condense the boil and discomfort in your degrade extremities.

Stretch You might 대전 건마 setting uncomfortable disturbing a lot, but gentle stretches, slow walks, and even clearly getting taking place from your desk or couch linked to an hour to impinge on concerning can insist calm pregnancy discomfort.

Try with calculation together prenatal stretching, such as cat pose, to stretch the lead or a foam roller to stretch the hips and glutes, which may be contributing to your sponsorship cause discomfort, suggests Ghosh.

Go for the glutes Lower in the back backache during pregnancy can actually be the consequences of too-tight glute muscles. Try gently rolling them out or full of zip hip stretches.

Physical therapy Pregnancy can bring supplementary aches and pains into your cartoon or emphasize preexisting problems.

Many beast therapists are trained in full of zip once pregnant people and some even specialize in it, therefore you might be supple to safely realign, readjust, and recuperate subsequent to the bolster on of a professional.

Ghosh says a referral to a beast therapist can in the back in the works following at-dwelling trial wharft greater than before your symptoms.

Beyond that, you can plus chat to your healthcare professional just just roughly the take possession of use of far-off afield along than-the-counter (OTC) bland agonized relievers during pregnancy for those days behind at-house therapies just arent prickly it. Acetaminophen is generally considered fix to use, even though ibuprofen should be avoided.

You could as well as incorporate acupuncture or chiropractic care into your routine, but chat taking into account your doctor or birthing professional first. Some OB-GYNs come going on subsequent to the maintenance for advice these practices, while others would prefer you avoid them.

What roughly a pregnancy smooth? If you arent comfortable bothersome out a smear chair or dont have admission to one, you might be wondering if you can profit a conventional daub on the other hand.

Again, the unqualified is basically the connected: Its probably fix, but you should check following your doctor or birthing professional.

Massage can back happening shorten emphasize and torment, put in circulation, and adding together nap, which is omnipresent for Mom and baby, says Ghosh. Prenatal massages are generally attach after the first trimester, but be sure to tackle your physician first and permit your daub therapist know that youa propos pregnant.

If you put it on profit a smooth, create sure its as well as a licensed rub therapist happening to date past treating pregnant people.

You might with dependence a medical clearance letter from a healthcare professional that says you can profit a smooth. The therapist will with most likely have you lay upon your side for the daub instead of your belly, though youvis--vis in your first trimester.

Pregnancy smear tip Before you schedule a prenatal rub, be firm you have a signed and old-fashioned letter from a healthcare professional that says its secure for you to get sticking together of a smear.

You might along with deficiency to think about enlisting your accomplice in crime for a rub as capably. According to Ghosh, a side-lying smooth can:

sustain facilitate on ardent reduce pull attention to accessory nap And the research backs it occurring. For instance, a small 2019 studyTrusted Source published in the International Journal of Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork found that 10-minute, twice weekly chair massages along in the midst of buddies helped condense pregnant peoples campaigning, environment, and hurting levels.

In this exploit, the smear chair being used is the demonstrative that you sit in to get sticking together of a rub (you may have seen these at the mall), hence they dont pose any of the concerns that an electric daub chair does. If you have a daub chair along with this at home or have entry to one, chat once your doctor to see if using it may be a massive mannerism to relax and afterward following your discomfort.

Takeaway No one knows for certain that electric massage chairs are affix during pregnancy, but theres along with no evidence that theyin story to not.

You can save any heat and massage settings upon low, just to be safe but overall, a massage chair is unlikely to be a matter unless you have a high-risk or complicated pregnancy.

If you craving the ardent of facilitate that comes from a massage chair but cant get hold of to one, talk past a healthcare professional about a regular massage moreover than a licensed therapist.

You can moreover discuss subsidiary ways to treat your pregnancy pains, such as soaking in a tub, using beast therapy, at-burning remedies, and pregnancy-safe OTC cause discomfort relievers.

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prospitdaydreamer · 4 years ago

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Since I know some of u are scared right now, I’ll post some advice that I’m using rn to fight this shitty little virus off

Disclaimer before I start, I am NOT a doctor. I’m lucky to have a nurse for a mother, who also has multiple nurse friends (some working in the covid unit) so some of this advice is backed up. But I was not trained to be a medical professional, so make sure to talk to your doctor if you can.

First off, DO NOT PANIC

I know easier said than done, especially to those of you (like me) with anxiety. I did have a mini freak out, if you need to cry it out, that’s fine and understandable. Just try not to drive yourself crazy, your body is about to go through a fight and you can’t add that stress onto it. If you can manage it, take some deep breaths, let the anxiety flow through you.

Second, MAKE SURE TO HAVE FLUIDS IN YOU. Drink plenty of water, have some gatorade for the electrolytes, get some broth in your tummy (I recommend this 100%, broth is great for when you’re sick, thats why chicken noodle soup is the sick soup! If you’re vegan or vegetarian, there is vegetable broth too! Though I’m not sure how much it compares tbh :/ can’t say for sure)

If you are not yet sick, I recommend going to the store and picking up fruits and veggies like apples, bananas, blueberries, spinach, carrots, you jnow... some healthy snacks. You’re body will thank you for the vitamins and nutrients you’re giving it! Get some of that broth and chicken noodle soup. My mom recommended taking 1 baby aspirin to help prevent blood clotting, which apparently has been a problem for younger people getting infected (i don’t know how BIG of a provlem, thats just what one of her friends in the unit was talking about.) Ibuprofen has been really helpful to me for headaches and body aches. I’d also grab tissues if they have any, i don’t have a runny nose myself but apparently thats a symptom too, so it might be useful. I’d also get some cough medicine, that’ll likely come in handy.

Identify those who you can have as a support system. It is incredibly stressful, and if you have those you trust to help you with anything, don’t be afraid to reach out. If you get diagnosed, you can’t go anywhere. It’s incredibly irresponsible, so try to make sure, if you can, to have those who can help deliver anything you need or help you out.

Identify those things that can help you pass the time! It’s gonna get broing REAL quick quarantining, don’t be too hard on yourself and have fun when you can. If you have the energy, do some creating or play a fun video game! You deserve to relax as much as you can.

I will say though, there is a chance you will lose your appetite and it SUCKS. My gf has been having to force me to eat bc my appetite has been almost absolute 0. But you HAVE to eat, your body needs the energy.

Things to look out for if you do start showing symptoms:

•difficulty breathing

•constant chest pain

•having difficulty staying awake

•delirium (feeling really out of it and confused. Not just a little dizzy, but like OUT of it.)

•face and lips turning blue

•CLOTTING, you’ll know this is happening. If a part of your body starts turning blue, swelling, and/or feeling REALLY tight like its in a vice grip, GET TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY. If left unchecked, it will NOT end well. Amputation could be necessary.

Also, if you notice you can not smell or taste, GET TESTED IMMEDIATELY.

I’m having trouble thinking of anything else, so if anyone has something to add or something to edit, let me know! I don’t want to give out any wrong info, this is just what I’ve been finding and hearing about.

And if you have any questions or need some advice, hit up my inbox, I’ll help try to find an answer for you :)

Love you guys, stay safe 💖

#covid #seriously #if i gave ANY bad advice here do not hesitate to let me know

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hollandsmushroom · 5 years ago

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hmm let’s go with... a classic best friends to lovers and when you tell him you love him he pushes you away and then your friendship falls off and you don’t talk for months but when you see each other again you’re a little cold towards him bc he literally handed your own heart to you after he had stomped on it and he asks why you’re being so off and it leads to an argument about how he doesn’t get to be mad when he’s the one who ended things but then he reveals his feelings

Word Count: 1,542

Let me know what you think!!! Comment, Reblog, anything, it makes me dance a little!!

If you don’t like it ask again and I would be more than happy to re-write it for you!

You don’t know how long you had been in love with Calum, longer than you cared to think about, but if you were being honest, probably since very soon after you met him all those years ago. You desperately didn’t want to be in love with him, you knew he would never love you back, it’s Calum, the boy who says that love is a scam, and that you shouldn’t try it. Why did he have to be the one you feel for, couldn’t you have fallen for practically anyone else. Sitting in the corner of the party you watched as everyone danced and drank, you were trying to drink it away, the love of the man that you simply couldn’t have. Out of the corner of your eye you saw him dancing with some of his friends laughing at a joke one of them had told. The smile of his face made something inside of you tense, a feeling you knew all to well but this was the last straw, you couldn’t attend one more party, or show, or even just hang out with him, another time with the pang of hurt in your chest every time you saw his eyes. You needed it gone and it appears that tonight was gonna be the night. Pushing yourself up from the couch that had now been invested with couples practically going at it, you made your way to him, tapping him on his leather clad shoulder to gain his attention. He spun around to meet your gaze, a grin spreading across his cheeks as he saw it was you, his best friend.

“Hey Y/n, whats up?” he didn’t seem drunk at all, and that took you off guard, expecting a slightly more easy going and delirious Cal, he must be driving, you thought to yourself.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” you rung your hands, fiddling with your fingers out of anxiety. His brows furrowed at the request, why would you ask if you can talk, you two could always talk, wait was it something serious, these thoughts crossed his mind as he nodded his head and let you guide him away from the crowd, finding an empty bedroom in the large house. He sat down on the edge of the bed, the mattress shifting beneath his weight as his gaze was glued to your pacing figure.

“Y/n, what’s up, are you okay?”

“Cal, I have to tell you something, promise not to freak out?” You ignored his question.

“I promise, now tell me whats going on, you’re kind of scaring me,”

“Fuck, Cal, there is no easy way to say it, so I am just going to,” You had halted your pace, standing in front of him and looking in his eyes, “I love you, and not in the way a person should love their best friend, no I love you in the way that makes my heart skip and the room spin, I love you in the way that when you hug me it feels like my skin is on fire,” You rushed all that out in one breath before going quiet, there was a long pause between the two of you before he finally broke the silence.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he pushed himself up off the bed leaving crinkled sheets in his wake, standing opposing you.

“I don’t know Cal, fuck, just say something,” you cried.

“I don’t feel the same, I never will, and I think its best if you leave,” he left the room after he said this, taking a sip of his drink as he walked out, leaving you in awe of what had just happened. You must have stood there for a good 5 minutes, not moving just standing trying to process and once it did you ran, down the stairs, grabbing your coat from the place you had left it on the couch in the strange living room, and out the door, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone, getting an Uber and making your way home by yourself. You cried yourself to sleep that night, not knowing if you had just fucked up the best friendship of your life.

You woke up the next morning with a little bit of a hangover, not having drank that much it was nothing that a little ibuprofen couldn’t fix. Reaching out and grabbing your phone to check for messages, the screen illuminated and no notifications appeared on the screen, your heart sank, he hadn’t tried to contact you. Maybe he just needs a little space, you assured yourself as you went to take your medicine. You repeated that for a while but as the end of the week came you decided to text him, and after another week and no response you tried again, after that one you gave up, his name falling down in you recent contacts list, you tried to move on much like you assumed he had.

It had been 2 months since you admitted your feelings to Cal and had him shut you out of his life, a decision which you had no choice but to respect but that didn’t stop the sting of rejection. You were out at a bar with a couple of girlfriends, sitting on a stool behind the wooden counter, tapping your fingers against the polished wood as you waited for the drink you had ordered. You felt leather brush past your arm as a tall tan man sidled up to the bar next to you, you payed little attention to the man, that was, until he spoke, ordering his drink in the voice you knew oh so well but hadn’t heard in months. You looked up at the man, eyes landing on the tosseled hair of the man you couldn’t help but still love, even if he had broken your heart with out much care.

“Here you go darling,” the Bartender laid down a napkin and set your glass on top, sliding you your drink. Calum looked down at who the bartender was serving before him, his chocolate brown orbs widening as they landed on you, his heart skipping at least one beat before beginning to rapidly pound in his chest.

“Y-y/n?” he spoke your name like a question, the syllables feeling uncomfortably unfamiliar on his tongue.

“Hi Calum,” your tone was bitter and unforgiving as you stood up from your seat and began to walk away, your drink in hand weaving your way through strangers.

“Wait,” you heard from behind you but you decided it was better to keep going and not confront the man that had broken your heart. You though you were home free, escaping confrontation, that was when you felt a large calloused hand on your wrist, you turned back and there stood Calum.

“Can we talk, I haven’t seen you in a while,” he offered, the last part of the sentence causing you to scoff and roll your eyes, he noticed your unrelenting attitude towards him but decided to bet on it dissipating throughout your conversation.

“Fine,” though it was one word, four letters, it was the most venomous thing that Cal had ever heard, your tone laced with spite and hurt causing his face to scrunch up in confusion.

“Why are you being so weird, I just wanted to talk,” he asked, not wanting understanding how you didn’t want to talk to him.

“Oh well fuck Cal, I don’t know, maybe its because old best friend is trying to talk to me like he didn’t viciously and cold heartedly reject me and then fucking ignore my existence for the past two months,” your words cut deep in him.

“I’m sorry, Y/n I-,”

“Sorry isn’t going to save you this time asshole, you treated me like shit, like I didn’t fucking exist, do you know how shitty that feels?”

“No, but-,”

“No, no you fucking don’t!” you exclaimed before lowering your tone to one of hurt, “The one thing that I don’t understand is how could you be just so fucking mean?”

“Because I didn’t know what the fuck to do,” he shouted, gaining the attention of a couple other bar patrons.

“What?” you spoke indignantly.

“The person I am in love with admitted that they loved me and I freaked out, love isn’t for me, I always get hurt,” he sighed.

“So you thought completely ignoring my existence was going to help?” you were still angry but something inside of you softened, “You really thought I would hurt you like they did?”

“No, well, it’s just that I may have been in relationships before but the way I felt about the didn’t compare to how I feel about you and finding out that you felt the same way made it all to real and I got scared,” he was about to say more, but your lips cut him off, working together in a slow kiss, one that emanated forgiveness and apologies. You pulled back for air, looking him in the eyes.

“Hows that for real?” you panted

“If thats what being real is, then I am okay with it,” he chuckled before pressing his lips to yours again.

Taglist

@mylilbreadstick @cthoodsthetic @isabella10028 @dont-drop-that-lunchable @moancurly @numberonepoetryexpert @neonsgravestone @calumsbitch4ever @lukethecalumstan @caswinchester2000 @damselindistressanu @myloverboyash @heartbreak-5sos @singt0mecalum

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zepdeans · 5 years ago

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there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3 -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4 -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :(( -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words?? -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!! -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!! -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

#take a shot every time i say whew #fully put more effort and time into this than most of my uni projects xx #its super rambly but thats bc its mostly just my direct stream of thought #also super long! and probably still missing things i wanted to say #AND like 3 weeks late fshfjjkdjkfsd #skam #clownfest 2019 #blabbey

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mumofadaofficial-blog · 6 years ago

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C Sections - The ‘Easy’ way out

Firstly, what I have titled this is bullshit :)

Secondly, no matter what way you give birth to your child whether it be naturally, assisted, c-section etc you are amazing for doing so. Not only have you grown that tiny human with your own body, you then bring he/she into the world in whatever way possible or necessary at that time - so fucking well done you!

My mum told me from the start that every pregnancy and birth has its own story - and that is so very true. No two are the same and each and everyone should be celebrated for the greatness that it is.

My personal experience was via an emergency c-section and I want to share that with you.

From day one I had it all planned out, I wanted a water birth and I wanted it all to be as natural as possible. Id seen on one born, various videos and pictures on the internet of that special moment when a mother holds their child for the first time, I wanted that and the closeness that came with it. Unfortunately, having to be induced and the aftermath that followed that obviously wasn’t the way my story was meant to go.

When you get told you need to have a section your all systems go, your ready for it, you just want your baby out and safe. You and anything else in the world suddenly have no importance anymore and all you want is to hear those little baby cries.

I remember signing a consent form that I never read, I don’t remember getting undressed and putting a gown on so god knows who did that and I remember going into theatre where they were talking me through things and getting me prepped for surgery.

I don’t know what they said to me, I really wasn’t listening. All I can remember asking again and again is where Nath was and why wasn’t he in there. (Of corse, like the movies he was getting all scrubbed up - dishy).

It was that moment sat on the edge of the table that the panic set in, you suddenly feel very alone in a room full of people. I became scared of what was happening and the thought that I was about to undergo the first major surgery I’d ever had. Jesus Christ, I’ve only ever broke my little finger before and thats when I was about 8, so this was big time. I was told to curve myself over a cushion whilst they injected my spine, then immediately laid down on the table, and asked to lift my legs - couldn’t do it, job done. Thankfully Nath had come in by then and I felt more relaxed like I could cope with what was going on.

When it was all underway I can remember saying to Nathan that it felt like the doctor was making a pizza with my stomach 😂 He thought I was high! It’s the oddest thing, to be able to feel that someone is doing something, but to have no sensation whatsoever. Within about 15 minutes of entering the room, Ada was born. I then had to be sewn up which took about three times as long as the birth! Also, absolutely mortified that it isn’t like one born every minute where you have a gown covering your modesty. Nothing modest about realising afterwards that the doctors have just been staring at your vagina for the past half hour or so and it definitely wasn’t covered up. (I mean they probably wasn’t looking at it at all, but you know what I mean).

I was took into a side room afterward for recovery where they fitted a catheter, what amazing things those are! Don’t even know you need a wee and that things filling itself up! Definitely don’t get confused with catheter and cannula when talking afterwards…done that far too many times and got some strange looks! It was then that the mum guilt started to set in, not only was I worried about Ada, I felt like I had failed her. Everything had been planned so perfectly in my mind of how I wanted it to go, and I felt like I had failed to deliver that to myself and my child. I felt like I wasn’t capable of giving birth, so someone else had to intervene and do it for me. (I realise now that I was stupid to think that and I did what I needed to as a mother, but I’m sure a lot of people who have had a section will understand where I am coming from). I’ve since seen a meme that said ‘I had an epidural, then I had a c-section, then I bottle fed, and now I’m sitting here at the playground wondering what all the guilt was about because my kid is just as weird as yours’ Oh so true!!

Then the time comes when you’ve managed to get some movement and feeling back into your legs and you have to stand up. Now I was told ’Stand with your legs, don’t push with your arms and don’t pull on your tummy muscles’ Easier fucking said than done Susan! (I don’t think her name was Susan, but it fits) You’ve just had your stomach muscles and womb sliced through, but just use your legs that also have no strength because there definitely a bit numb still but your desperate to get up and see your baby.

Now when that aesthetic starts to wear off, I am not going to sugar coat it, its fucking painful. Your fully aware of whats going on down there even when you just breath, god forbid you need to sneeze or cough! I think I definitely got up and about too soon, I was dizzy and lightheaded and felt like the blood had drained out of me when I got back into bed after seeing Ada. And I happily accepted any drug they wanted to give me, I couldn’t tell you what they were but they helped, so thanks for that part Susan.

The first night was a bit of a blur with how I was feeling because of everything else that was going on but I know simple things, like moving in bed and trying to sit up was hard work. I was given medication throughout the night by a midwife, who informed me I had been given some sort of super ibuprofen up my bum whilst on the operating table 😂 - which apparently I consented too but I had no idea, good work doc, didn’t even realise.

The following day I decided I needed to have a shower and sort my life out, all whilst Nathan was doing a great job of whizzing me around the hospital backwards in a wheelchair because we hadn’t quite got the hang of it going forward. Thankfully there was a seat in the shower, I’d never of had the strength to be able to stand for that length of time. It’s at times like that when you realise how much you take for granted being able to do everyday things. I remember sitting there and crying out of frustration, feeling like a massive, naked, deflated beach ball. Good job Nathan loves me because no one should have to see that haha. He washed my hair, washed me and then helped me up and got me dry. Graphic bit coming up…sorry. SO for anyone who ends up having a c section, make sure you take your pad and fresh knickers into the bathroom with you. I am saying this after learning a lesson, I did not, and was most shocked and mortified when it looked like Satan had released himself all over the bathroom floor. Nathan was pretty shocked too, he ran and got a midwife - apparently its all normal! So relax 😅

Something else that comes with c-sections…knee high compression socks. Now if your by yourself, you better ask for help. There is no way whatsoever that you will get them bad boys on single handedly after that op, Nath had to pretty much choke slam me into mine. Also, really not the best fashion accessory when its 30 something degrees outside…I think mine lasted about two days!

And then comes the dreaded day, the first poo 😳 Id been taking iron pills, three a day. To try and counteract the affect that they have on you I’d been given lactulose. Nothing was happening, I think probably 5 days past and then the urge came! I remember sitting on that toilet and wanting to push but there isn’t a single thing in your body thats gonna let you do that, so you just sit and wait, like your waiting for fucking Christmas. That was no bloody Christmas let me tell you, black poop! Straight on google to check I wasn’t dying…turns out, just the iron tablets 😂

Totally never realised you have to have injections after a c section either, absolutely fine when the midwives are doing it for you, then you get discharged…AND YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF! Theres something really hard about trying to give yourself an injection in your stomach, id have to psych myself up about ten times before id actually get it done.

Before I was discharged I had a lady come and do some exercises with me, and show me the correct way to cough e.g. holding your stomach. All fine as you know when your going to cough, but a sneeze! Oh lord, they just pop up out of nowhere, no preparation, nothing. I sneezed unexpectedly one night and was convinced I had split my stomach open, obvs Dr. Nathan checked the situation out for me - just being a drama queen as usual!

You are also told ‘Don’t do too much, and don’t lift anything heavier than a kettle for 6 weeks’ Pretty sure Ada came out weighing more than a kettle so that was that one buggered! I definitely used to do too much around the house, washing etc, but you know about it afterwards. I think for a good few weeks I just ached continuously, Getting off the sofa, sitting up in bed, walking upstairs could all be pretty hard work somedays.

Bleeding, who knew you could survive after losing so much blood. And just when you think it’s stopped, BOOM, guess who’s back, back again! Another thing I googled to see if I was dying, I wasn’t, and good old google informed me that everyone is different but it can last for a few months on and off, GREAT! What a glam life us mums have.

Personally I am gutted that I won’t experience a natural birth, the chances of me having another baby is currently slim to none and even then I would book in for a c-section because I am too scared of what could happen after Ada.

I think the point of this is to be mindful of what you say to someone, e.g. the easy way out, too posh to push etc. Not everyone has a choice, the ideal birth they have created in their mind has been taken away from them, some people won’t ever get the chance to experience a natural birth, a contraction, that first hold. Some people might opt to have a c-section, and that is totally fine! We all have to do what is best for us and has our Childs best interest at heart.

So whatever choice you make or have to make, do it for you and your baby - fuck what everyone else says, this is your story, not theirs.

Amy x

#mumblog #mumblogger #family #mumlife #blog #bloggers #mumbloggers #nicubaby #csection #emergencycsection #awareness

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alliebruns-blog · 6 years ago

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The Namibia/Panama Crossings Part Two. The Desert, Day 5

DAY 5 Conception - The wreck of the Eduard Bohlen - 9 miles (AKA Look Mum, I Crossed A Desert!)

I wake up with a HANGOVER because I am not used to drinking wine anymore. Just a baby hangover, but a baby one when you have a desert to finish crossing is still a pain in the arse. Coffee and salt tabs for breakfast plus a bit of granola - and we are off. Darren is fresh as anything, so he whizzes ahead to try and catch Dani and Jim. I realise that I am going to be alone for a lot of today. Not sure if that’s a good thing. I don't feel mentally strong, but there you go. It is what it is. That’s life.

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It’s a grey morning and I struggle to find the footprints that Dani and Jim have left for us. The dunes have more of less flattened out now - they are more undulating than mega frustrating, and it’s cold, because we are heading to the coast - I have 2 layers on. It feels like a different life to the one we were living yesterday. I trek away on my own, with my own weird thoughts. They are thoughts of pride, mixed with the inability to accept what I have done. Feelings of ‘who the fuck cares’ and feelings that I should try and keep myself together. I want to sit and cry.

The irony of runnable terrain when you are totally exhausted...

I trot over a small dune, and suddenly I can see and smell the sea. It’s almost too much for me to take in. It’s almost over. The smell ignites my childhood memories of holidays, and the mist is rolling in across the flat sand. It’s beautiful and bleak.

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I keep trotting on - not wanting it to end, but willing it to end at the same time. What will I do when I get to wreck? Will I cry? No, I can’t cry. I just want to cry at the moment. I am all out of snacks and everyone is ahead of me. I am last. Always last.

Old German mining railway left to rot on the skeleton coasts salt plains

The sea is not getting any nearer, but I come over a dune towards some plains. The salt plains. They are wet and cold and salty. Do what they say on the tin. The sand drops away under my feet and it’s more like an estuary than a desert. In front of me, is what looks like water, but I have learnt not to trust the desert. Turns out that this time it IS water. My feet are very wet and my shoes are full of grit.

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Seem fine to walk on right?

NOPE.

The water gets deep quickly and is running fast. It has dead fish in it. It’s about calf deep now, and my radio comes into action. It’s Jim. He has already crossed it. He says it will take me 45 mins at least. I look at it, and, being mental and not being able to judge distance, think “nah, that’s ten mins”. It takes me 90 minutes to cross the fast flowing estuary and get to the support vehicle. I have no pictures or video of it, as my hands and phone were too wet and frankly, I was too exhausted to film it.

One of the things I remember vividly about this trip is those 90 mins. It was so hard. Lifting your tired legs and feet out of wet, deep mud. Feeling like you are going backwards, and having nobody to talk to. The support vehicle seemed like it was getting further and further away. It was horrible - really horrible. It’s something that in times of stress I will always recall. Relentless forward progress. You will get there. I stood and shouted the word ‘FUCK’ many, many times at the water. I hated it.

Back on firmer land with unidentifiable dead shit.

Eventually, I made it to firmer sand and got to the vehicle. I said very little to Danny and David. I wanted to change my socks - I had 3 miles to go, so really no need. I felt mental, and probably looked and talked like I was. My shoes were filled with grit and water and I did my best to dust them off. Danny and David told me it was only 5km to the end. I put my head down and started marching. And then I started to cry.

I didn’t want to cry at the end. I wanted people to think I was cool and casual, not overwhelmed by what we had done. I don’t want people to think I am ‘girly’ or ‘weak’. So I cried on my own. the irony of this is that crying doesnt make you weak - it helps you remain strong. I know this now - I couldn’t compute it at the time.

Vertebrae from a whales spine, the skeleton coast.

I kept on marching, I wanted to see the things I had come to see. The whale bones that litter the skeleton coast. Old wine bottles, washed up from ships that met their fate here. I saw a lot of it. Jackals coming out of their holes to chase down baby seals. Pieces of wood and metal from vessels long gone. It was bleak, astonishing and humbling. A world lost in sand and time.

Wine bottles in the sand

Then, in the distance, I see it. The wreck of the Eduard Bohlen. He has sat there since 1909 when he was wrecked in thick fog. The Bohlen completely symbolises the loneliness of the Skeleton Coast. It’s remains lie rusting in the sand, partially buried. A home for jackals, bones of their prey scattered around the hull. A symbol of the possible future of mankind. Once full of wonder and promise - now a wreck forgotten and alone. It’s a lot for me to think about. I think about how transient everything is.

Whale bones hidden in sand

Whale bones covered in sand. Wreck of the Bohlen in the background.

I try and run, but my brain tells me no. I am done. Exhausted. I take in what is going on around me and march it in. Nothing here but the remnants of a once promising and golden future, that the people of the 1900’s would have been proud of. Old glass bottles against dead whale bones. All preserved, but meaning nothing now to the people they once meant the world to.

But I’ve done it. I have fucking done it. I have become the first woman to cross the Namib Desert on this course from east to west. I hold it together, but the team form an arch with their hands, and I run through it. It’s over. They know I have been crying, they just don't say it.

youtube

An emotional little Bailoid tries to hold it together...

The finish line

I am given a beer, and I take a minute to calm myself down. The feelings that I have are not really for writing here, mainly because I don't know how to write them. I am both proud and empty, I have forgotten the hard bits. 127 miles through one of the most hostile environments on earth. I am tired, so tired. Race to the Wreck. I have done it.

Knackered

Ghost ship.

Time is running out to leave - we have a 7 hour drive out of here. I don't have much time to get myself together. I eat lunch, have a quick run around the wreck and wish I could stay here for a week investigating it all. We get in the fun bus. We’re all very, very quiet. The drive back is one of the scariest thing about this trip. The fun bus going up and down dunes at what feels like vertical angles is terrifying. We pass a dead humpback whale on the shoreline, more wrecks, dead seals and hopeful jackals. It takes seven hours of driving across those dunes, but then, suddenly, we hit tarmac and we are back in the human world.

Thats what a dead humpback whale looks like then...

More wrecks on the way out

Some casual driving on the way back..... FFS

We have one night in a hotel before we fly to Cape Town the following day. This journey is not over. One days travel and then its Man vs Table Mountain (or the Cape Town Three Peaks Challenge of Death as I have snappily renamed it). And that’s before we travel to Panama to attempt the double traverse in a journey that fundamentally changes everything for me.

So thanks for reading the first instalment of this ridiculous trip. If you want more info on the race it’s on sale now and I am happy to talk to anyone about it - just get me on the website or social media.

Next up on the blog: Man Vs Table Mountain

THANK YOU…..

RAT RACE CREW

Massive thanks to Jim and Rob and the whole team at Rat Race for once again trusting me to trial one of their ridiculous ideas. This is a hard event, a really hard event, but totally achievable and I am honoured to have been part of the Test Pilot team and hope I have done you proud. I would recommend this to anyone who has ever sought to do more than just a desert multi-day. This is the real deal - an immersion in culture and a world first. And it’s on sale now, kids! Click here for details.

Thanks to Dani Brodie for representing the female side of endurance challenges with me - this was her first ever multi-day event - no pressure then, throw yourself in at the deep end why not? She handled it with style and enthusiasm, and in the end totally nailed the whole route. A total pleasure to be with, she provided some much needed female company on those nights round the brai, and I am so glad I got to spend this time with her.

Handsome Pete Rees for making me laugh with his fear of pretty much everything, his health and safety lectures (NO IBUPROFEN BEFORE FOOD!) and providing us with top notch pictures and video that makes us look a lot more epic than we actually are.

Lastly thanks to Darren - my adventure husband. It really is like being married - we constantly bicker and don’t sleep with each other. Magical. Darren - I know I can be an annoying rat, and so thanks for putting up with me and my stupid voices. It’s good to know I have a constant to talk to when things get horrible and your support means the world.

SUPPORT CREW

Eternal thanks to the crew put together by David Scott who runs Sandbaggers. Without their local and in depth knowledge of the Namib, we would never have made it. Without the expertise of the drivers, the trucks could not have made the journey over the dunes, carrying our supplies, tents and bags. I’ll be honest, some of those climbs in the car were touch and go….. and who the hell tries to run over an Ostrich? MONSTERS LIKE YOU, THAT’S WHO.

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fuckblizzardbearlover · 4 years ago

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Bruh why yall dont know this. All of these say what the active ingrediant is. Advil is just ibuprofen. Always double check cus our offbrand calomine lotion is missing an ingrediamt. The offbrand is usually 25% to 50% the cost. U are literally paying more for a fancy packaging. This is also what got me to find out oscillococcinum "natural flu" medicine is a scam

We were out 2 years ago so i did what i always do and look at the active ingrediants to find out whats in it as an alternative. It didn't list any. After looking more i found the "not approved by fda" text on it and read about how its a placebo. Its named after the oscillating backteria the original French doctor thought he saw. No ones ever been able to figure out what he thoight he saw. He was one of thise hack doctors that thought that all diseases had one cause and these bacteria were the cause of things like cancer hiv and herpes.

Its basically desaturated duck heart, it goes throughba process that scientists say would remove any nutritional value of the vitamins in it. The idea is that the nutrients leaves an IMPRESSION that duplicates it. I guess like a clay mold?

But yea this 24 dollar flue medicine is a placebo (theory is most ppl who claim it works were almost done with their flue, didnt have one or had another disease or allergies) is a big scam not fda approved that is created only in france by one company cus its literal trash.

Always look at the active ingrediants. U see customers so much spend like 10 or 20 minutes trying to figure it out. All that advil is the same, the stuff next to it is the same. It comes in different sized bottles, sized tablets, comes in round and oblong and liqiodjell which absorbs faster. But that 3 by 2 foot section is all the same medicine.

That tylanol allergy and sudafed are the same. U look on both and you will see acetaminophen, i.e. tylanol and phenylephrine. The decongestant. If u look it up claritin and benedryl i.e. diphenhydramine are both antihistimines. The benedryl is stronger but thats cus it blocks more brain receptors and thats why it makes u drowsy

All allergy meds say they help with runny nose, but decogestant is suppose to make u drain your fluids to get rid of diseased fluids and relieve your sinuses so it will make nose run, benedril will sry u up and stop u up so if u need to stop your nose running that or a weaker antihistimine is better.

Ibprofen is a blood thinner, thats why it says not to give to ppl with a heart condition cus it makes it harder to clot blood, tylanol is filted by the liver so shouldnt be taken by ppl with liver dmg.

If u are young and healthy in those regards u can take whichever is cheaper for you but if an older person, or anyone specifies one type get that type

The whole medical Industry is a scam, I’m not surprised. This is exactly why there’s so much money in pharmaceuticals in the US!

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pregnancyjournal · 5 years ago

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So, I did this whole post in my main blog a few months ago about trying to get pregnant. How much I wanted that. And how hard it was to feel like I was pressuring my partner and might fail and might be infertile. We kept trying to get pregnant. And he's like, all in!!

And I did! Yay.

Fuck this is hard already.

It's Sunday, I found out Thursday morning. My friends were here from Wednesday til midday today (Sunday, like dudes. Go the fuck home.) I don't want anyone in my house Thursday nights when I get off work, they're here all day Friday on my day off. Carrie asks if she can shower here on Sunday. And I'm like... resisting that. So she makes a new plan and I just wanted some time to celebrate with my husband, which put me totally on edge.

Had some cramping which got me worried, so I went in on Friday for some bloodwork. Spent all day Thursday looking up what I'm not supposed to do. Saturday, I push myself to try to get to the gym and work off aome of the anxiety. And the rest of the day is a goddamn nightmare. Exhaustion, soreness, anxiety. Find out that I can't take advil or ibuprophen anymore, realize that means I can't do anything for stress, can't push myself at the gym, and can't take ibuprofen anymore (with chronic pain conditions, I pop them bitches like candy). Saturday exhaustion hit me hard after work and my body temp was doing weird shit. Eating is weird, but I'm not sure if its weirder than normal.

AND THEN OUR BEST FRIENDS, AS IN, BOTH OF THEM--MINE AND HIS-- VAN CATCHES ON FIRE. SO NOW I AM NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO TELL THEM I WANT THEM TO GIVE ME SOME GODDAMN SPACE. And I can't talk to Mike about it, cause there are people everywhere and Trav's here, our roommate. You aren't supposed to tell people in case you lose the baby.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. We still have guests so I still haven't had any alone time with him. He gets high and plays videogames, then wakes me up right after I fall asleep by turning lights on an the whole bit. I'm so damn tired. Now. We both use cannibis to manage anxiety.

I had to drop my Xanax, weed, and drinking immediately. So, needless to say thats a struggle. A diagnosed anxiety disorder got me over here fucked in the head.

And today he's feeding me, checking in on me, we go for a walk, watch a movie I want to and he's the picture of sweet. He comes over with a hungry look in his eye. Yum.

He initiated sex earlier without showering. Not always a problem, but this time...

I was not as sensitive to his feelings about it as I should have been. And said he'd give it another shot later after he took a shower... i'm over here like. Hm. I could go for that before bed since I can't smoke, or do like... anything relaxing. Even swimming yesterday made me exhausted but I couldn't sleep. So I'm like, maybe I'll work myself up a little.

So we get in bed, and he gives me some (requested) snuggles doing that aggressive ignoring thing he does when he's not in the mood. Like, when he makes no eye contact ans its almost like he's hoping if he pretends I'm not there I'll get the hint. So I'm starting to feel a little touchstarved and hurt, so I tell him I'm going to go on without him. Maybe if I get off, i'll be able to stop the circling thoughts in my head. Have you ever layed next to the person you love, and just... felt alone? Like I pull out a toy and look over and he's watching some Netflix show, continuing the aggressive ignoring thing he does, and I feel... nothing. Its definitely not going to happen for me, like I'm not going to get there, so I storm off to try and make some tea, see if that might help. And i know he's high. He's tired. And I'm just not. I'm pregnant, so I can't do anything to help myself sleep. And I'm pissed, pissed he can sleep. That he can smoke. That he can get me all warmed up and leave me tense and awake and upset, and then just fucking roll over like it doesn't even matter to him. And I feel like I'm like... floating along in super pain. And now I can't stop crying and I ditched hik in bed.

So we fight, weird fight where I'm going on about how I know how I'm feeling isn't fair but I feel unloved. I would never want him to feel pressured into sex, but I don't know how to cool my brain down running around and around trying to make adjustments to every single thing I'm doing in and around my body. Fight or flight kicks in, hard. Heart racing, total panic. So I storm off again, which just builds up the tension more. He calls for me to come in to bed, so I try, and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, thinking that maybe he wants me here, maybe he just doesn't want to sleep alone, maybe he just wants to not feel guilty, maybe hes worried about his pregnant wife, maybe he doesn't care about me. Knowing that some of those things just aren't true. None of the bad ones are true. But panic hits me again like a ton of bricks. And, I'm sitting in the fetal position trying to manage what I am now realizing was (is?) a panic attack, and he rolls over away from me. Which just adds to it all. So now I'm on the couch and i have cramps I'm worried about and I'm crying and I'm so so tired but my heart is racing.

And maybe writing it all down will help. Because he's going to be so mad. And I have to get up for a second bloodtest tomorrow and I'm so worried, and I am going to be so fucking tired and I'm just sobbing and nothing is distracting enough to pull me out of it. And now its 1 am.

What do I do now?

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b-earbear · 7 years ago

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A Testimony

I lived a lucky happy life. I have no sad background story, I was never abused physically, no close relative died, I wasnt bullied. I had no reason yo actually feel the way I did.

But i still felt like crap.

My selfesteem was basically nonexsistant, and its not much better now.

The first time I started was when I was twelve in the seventh grade. I got into some deep fanfiction, and alot of it romanticized self harm and depression, whether they meant it be be that way or not, thats now I saw it. I also started hanging out with some depressed people. I started to self harm with a mechnical pencil. I would scratch myself till my inner arm was one big scab. Then I moved to stabbing myself with tacs, thats when I really got into it and started to use an actual razor. It was fast and smooth and you didn't feel it till you got to a certain point.

The thing was, I didn't want to die at that point. I'm honestly not sure why I did it bacl then, but I realized a few years later, while looking at the scars on my theighs, arms, shoulders and stomach that I did it for attention. I was the hypacrite who would dis people to self harming for attention. Of course mine was diffrent.

When I cut I wouldn't tell anyone and I would hide the cuts. But I wouldnt hide the scars. I wanted the scars so that in a few years from then I could see them, or a future lover or friend would see them and think, "wow shes strong, and survived that".

I look at the scars now and am ashamed. They aren't good and if anything it just makes people walk on eggshells around me afraid they will set me off.

I've been clean for eight months.

For five years I cut myself.

I was always the devil child of my siblings. I went through a goth fase, I would lie and steal, I did things behind my parents backs, smoked, drank, gave nudes, gained weight, failed classes and looked at alot of porn.

I knew I was a bad kid, I felt like a bad person. And I felt I didn't deserve anything I had because I knew these things were wrong and bad but I still did them.

So at one point I started to self harm because I felt I wasnt being punished enough. I felt that a metal broom being snapped in half on my ass, that having my room ransacked and all the things I loved (books and notebook filled with stories) thrown away, the degration and lectures and dissapointed stares from my parents weren't enough of a punishment.

Then for the first time, I'm not really sure why, but I wanted my life to be over, to stop the pain ii was causing the people I loved and I didn't want to feel this way, so I tried to commit suicide.

Over five times.

The first was embarassing and not many people know about it, but I tried to hang myself with a belt from my bedroom doorknob.

The first time it was close to working was the summer before my freshman year og high school, where I took a bottle of pills (what kind? I have no idea) from our medicine cabinet and took over half of 'em.

I dry heaved for four days straight.

The second time I was even closer. It was a few months later and I took a full unopened bottle of ibuprofen. I hallucinated about my sister and a girl from school I'd never spoken to, before getting sick.

My mom found out the truth behind that sickness but she still doesn't know about what cause the first.

I can no longer take ibeprofen without vomiting.

I still imagine what would happen if I jumped from the second floor windows in my school, if I'd survive if I just happened to startle my mom of the highway. Would that girl beat me to death if I lied and said she was a slut bag whore.

But I dont want to die anymore.

I realized that I was being selfish and pathetic. And I am still pathetic.

Life is so amazing, and long, and suprising, that you are always going to be flaberghasted by whats next.

On average, usally more, I think "wow, I'm glad I didn't succeed" a day.

If I'd died I would have missed my sister start middle school. I would have missed my youngest sister karate tournament. I wouldn't have seen my older sisters go across that stage. I wouldn't be crossing that stage. I would have missed the legalization of same sex marriage.

I would have missed so much.

Suicide isnt just about you.

Sure, you don't have to deal with something anymore. But what about the people you leave? Suicide is a chain affect. You don't know who you could have helped in your future, you don't know whether the person who sits behind you blames themselves for not noticing. You don't know how your family and friends ask themselves, "What if I'd done something? What if I could have done something? Why didn't I do something?"

I understand first hand that suicide is an option for some.

But if im going to be brutally honest-

Its not an option at all.

It doesnt help you.

It doesnt help other people.

If anything it makes things worse.

What you need to know is that there are people who care about you. There is someone who will listen, you just need to look, or even ask. You can't expect people to see something that is invisible to them unless they are looking for it.

You ARE loved.

You ARE important.

Yout DO matter.

And if not by your family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, peers...

Then by me.

Because i love all of you... Whether you believe it or not.

Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, negative emotions... That is all curable.

You just have to WANT to get better and actually do something.

Take charge of your life, don't let others get you down because- who cares about them. If you want encouragement contact me and I'll give you a "hello, i love you. You are so amazing I wish I could hug the fluff out of you and give you a peice of candy" text everyday.

Make a change.

And remeber-

#inspiration #suicide awarness #youre not alone #i love you #depression #loved #you can talk to me #ill try to help #you are amazing #strong #you are beautiful #wonderful #love yourself #self love #love all #respect

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feverhalo · 7 years ago

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I wrote a deathnote fic-ish thing (1403 words? thats kinda short but not as short n sweet as i wanted) cause I got back into it after going to rewatch the anime.

Lots of words but doesnt rly go anywhere and nowhere near edited. I just wanted a dorky little feverish thing

I might rework it later, but heres something. Y’all are so patient with my slow creating ass.

working title is “Like a Bedtime Story”, but I don’t want to really title it until I rework it to what I want it to be 100% (or at least 70%)

——————————————-

“Mmm, Light, would you pass that to me?” Ryuzaki rattled the linking chain as he shifted in his seat.

“I’m sorry, what did you need?” Light slid his headset down, looking away from the screen as he paused it.

“That,” Light looked to where Ryuzaki was pointing as he continued to mumble around the nail he was biting, “My charge is low, and I’m at a critical point of analysis.”

“Really, Ryuzaki?” Light teased as he picked up the correct end of the cable and dropped it to L’s hand. He took the extra second to plug the other end into the power bar properly as well. “There, better?”

“Mm,” Light shook his head and turned to his own laptop again after Ryuzaki replied in what he could only assume was an affirmative.

Ryuzaki shifted again. And again. This new venue was uncomfortable. His knees ached. The case was still at a disconcerting stand still as well. No. No, it wasn’t the case. His head felt fogged and he had been more tempted to sleep as of late. It could be a continued spiral out because of the despair of being proven wrong, but-

“Ryuzaki?” L had stood abruptly and dragged his feet across to the main desk, skewing some paperwork with the long chain dragging behind him. Light stared after him as Ryuzaki lifted things here and there on the desk until he found what he was looking for.

Just as abruptly, he popped the cap on a pill bottle and dropped to a crouch where his last cup of tea had been left to go cold. Light turned back to his computer, but kept watching Ryuzaki from the corner of his eye. He took two pills from the container, and downed the abandoned tea before climbing back onto the far end of the couch. He looked to the laptop he had thunked onto the coffee table for a moment, before deigning to poke and prod at it from where he was instead of bringing it close again.

“I mean no distraction,” his slender fingers tapped at the keys and with a few quick strokes had brought up a news feed. Satisfied, it seemed, Ryuzaki lifted his hand to pick and prod at his lip again.

Silence fell for a few minutes longer.

“Did that help at all?” Light asked, driven to distraction himself by the deviation of the pattern he had come to know as Ryuzaki’s. It looked to be regular ibuprofen, but why.

“Yes,” Ryuzaki replied slowly, “It seems to have started to help. Though, I can’t say my focus has been helped at all. Tell me about what you’re working on.”

Light watched as Ryuzaki frowned at the news feed he had up. With a few taps he re-opened his previous screens and the frown seemed to deepen a fraction before smoothing out when he looked sidelong at Light.

“If I’m destined to be distracted, it might as well be useful somehow.”

“If you’ve got a headache, you should give your eyes a break from the screen for a while.” Light looked back to his and started typing again.

“Not a headache.”

“Ah,” Ryuzaki wasn’t in the habit of taking pills. Though, Light could guess if he did how it could be hidden from everyone. Even so, “Well, I’m just looking at some of those online forums. Trying to see if anyone is leaving a trail or hint. It looks like its mostly just people who want to throw their opinions in, and don’t really care for securing their data much. There’s a few definitely hidden though vpn services, but not anywhere near in-depth enough to hint that Kira may be frequenting it.”

“Still with that, hm?” Light nodded and continued. Ryuzaki shifted again. “Even I’m insulted you think Kira would slip like that.”

“Its more to see if any of the ones who have taken precautions have any other possible contact. The second Kira, or- What are you doing?”

“Keep talking.” Ryuzaki had shifted again, he was cross-legged on the sofa and listing towards Light by this point. His face seemed paler and the bags under his eyes more pronounced than even a few minutes ago when he got up.

“You really should give your eyes a break, I’ll read out what I’ve found, just close your screen for now. And try not to look at mine, really, a proper break would help more.”

“Do you need a break?” Ryuzaki had straightened some, and seemed to be easing back into his regular posture with some difficulty.

“I’m not opposed to a walk around, we have been sitting for a while.”

“I’d rather stay here,” he waved a hand and let himself slump further. “Continue, at any rate.”

“Right… Well, um,” Light was unsure where to continue. It was straightforward as he had said before. Really it was mindless busy work; something to keep him from rusting up and to check for any holes he was missing on either side.

In the end, he opted to just detail what he had already gone over. Ryuzaki stretched now and then, and eventually ended up laying on his back with his feet propped on the arm of the couch tilting his head to watch Light.

“This is entirely pointless,” He mumbled. It really was, they both knew it. But the boring chatter and repetition of facts helped him relax, and with the medicine from earlier, his body ached less though his head still felt useless.

“Yeah, I said that before. I’m just as lost as you on how to proceed,” Light looked down to Ryuzaki’s face only to see the man with his eyes shut and looking particularly miserable. He looked drained of color, and greasy.

“Look, Ryuzaki,” Light went to speak, but he was cut off.

“There’s no need to call Watari. Its fine. What was your next avenue to look into?” He dragged his eyelids open and stared for a moment as the room focused, bringing the two variations of Light together in front of him. The room stayed still, but his perceptions still told him it was spinning and tilting ever so slightly, so he let his eyes shut again.

“I guess to look over the notes from earlier today. Ideally, I’d want to talk it over with everyone some more, see if we can bounce any more ideas around, but its late.” Light shut his own laptop and moved it to the table, “The best I can think to do is to look at it all from the start again, but we’ve gone over it countless times.”

Ryuzaki began to hum in response, but startled when Light put a hand to his cheek. He rolled his head away and pushed himself to his side and up to stare at Light.

“Sorry. You’re pretty warm though,” Light pulled his hand back, “and you took some pain medicine for aches, right? That should have done something for a temperature too. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Ryuzaki let himself fall back to his previous position. He took a moment to respond, more to let his body catch up and recover from the movement.

“I did, I asked you to pick up the charging cable so I could remain still. Outside of that what else could I say that would matter?”

“I could have gotten the pills for you- “

“No thanks,” Ryuzaki was derailed from his thought with a moment of intense brain fog.

“Right, because I’m still potentially Kira in your mind. I can understand that, but you’re really warm, Ryuzaki.”

“I’ll be alright. If you’re correct in saying I’ve got a temperature, it’ll fade in time. It could be residual heat from the computer as well, they tend to get hot. But, yes, it is likely I’ve got a temperature. All the same, I’d like you to go over the case again- like you said. Starting from the beginning and running though everything. I’ll listen and see if I can find what we’ve missed.”

“Like a story, sure.” Ryuzaki felt the beginnings of agitation and indignation at that comment, but Light started reciting the timeline of events and their findings.

As irritating as it was, that was his intent. A story, a distraction- something to let his mind drift to while he ached and felt ill and grimy with sweat he was too exhausted to do anything about.

#sickfic #sick l #sick ryuzaki #fever fic #deathnote fic #fh fic #draft fic probably #wip fic ??#glass wants some feverish l fics and is too lazy to look for very long #so they wrote one. but were too lazy to do that to the full desired extent too

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