#not tagging b/c again i am scared

[martsonmars]

Hi friends! I keep committing and recommitting to making a serious effort to come back to the fandom, and I think this time finally I got my Snowbaz feelings back for real. So I'm going to try. Thank you to everyone who kept tagging me; I'm a little lost re: new people existing on Tumblr, but I hope to catch up!

So much to do in this post. For now, some snippets.

Exhibit A: my writing goal for the month. It's okay if it doesn't work out, but I decided I need short-term writing goals and this is my first one.

Baz pushes his sunglasses up his nose, staring at the man behind the counter of the shop. He hopes that hiding in plain sight—without his costume, without his mask—is a more effective disguise than trying to wear a fake moustache.

The apron is there, gloriously stretching over a broad chest that does not turn Baz's insides into soup and make him wish he could go back three—five, ten—years and do everything differently.

Exhibit B: COBB idea. I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going right is never the right choice.

I've known this since the first time my father brought me along on his travels (read: I hid in his trunk) and I had to face a crocodile armed only with a blunt Swiss Army knife I'd stolen from said trunk. All because I'd turned right. And then right again.

When he found me, scraped knees and his precious knife lost in the belly of the beast, he didn't even yell. He just looked at me like he always did. Like the biggest disappointment in his life of failures.

Exhibit C: potential second COBB idea, that I'm going to submit only if I make enough progress by the end of the month.

[Baz] holds my hand like it's the only thing keeping him grounded. Present. The minutes are trickling away from us like sand in a broken hourglass. The sun hasn't started rising yet, the night as dark as it gets, the cold seeping into our bones.

He holds my hand like he's afraid he'd float away if he didn't.

I know I'd be glad if it happened.

I have a lot of fandom resolutions for this year and I'm scared they'll end up like any New Year's resolutions... but I'll list them anyway. 6 resolutions Sunday:

Be more involved on Tumblr. I want to post more, but especially start reblogging and commenting on things again.

Write more. Last year I wrote so little and posted even less, and it made me sad when I realised it in the past days. So much was going on, so I don't blame myself, but I miss writing and I believe I can try to make it a regular thing again.

I want to read more fics. It's been years since I last read fics consistently. I missed everything!! Time to slowly catch up.

Relatedly, I want to try to comment more. I've never been a great commenter because it overwhelms me, but it's hypocritical since I need everyone and their brother to leave 10 paragraph long comments on everything I write... So I want to commit to doing better.

I want to try to publish a fic every month, at least. @palimpsessed suggested doing some sort of monthly countdown to Carry On's birthday in October and I'm all in.

I want to succeed at COBB. For one reason or the other, more often than not because I am cursed and I never finished writing my things, I've never managed to start and finish posting something for COBB. But I have two concepts I'm so excited about (not sure yet if I'll try both of them) and I want to commit to doing well. Wish me good luck.

My good old tagging list <3 I hope to add new people soon! But hi my dear old friends, how's it going?

@facewithoutheart @sillyunicorn @onepintobean @shrekgogurt @wellbelesbian @palimpsessed @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @fatalfangirl @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @bookish-bogwitch @artsyunderstudy @orange-peony @larkral @raenestee @stitchyqueer @hushed-chorus @technetiumai @brilla-brilla-estrellita @thewholelemon @theimpossibledemon @imagineacoolusername @blackberrysummerblog @theearlgreymage @rimeswithpurple @messofthejess @alexalexinii @whatevertheweather @jbrrring @prettygoododds @youarenevertooold @best--dress @theotherhufflepuff @monbons @run-for-chamo-miles @confused-bi-queer @aristocratic-otter @dragoneggos @gekkoinapeartree @ionlydrinkhotwater @erzbethluna @shemakesmeforget @basiltonbutliketheherb @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @noblecorgi @j-nipper-95

[miradelletarot]

Might take a social media break

Idk if i will or not...right now tho, at the time of this post, I think I need to.

bg3 twt is on fire again, i have friends on both sides of the arguments and I am so scared to lose friends b/c of who i associate with, or if i like a post or whatever.

Y'all...i'm 38, 3 kids, going thru a divorce, battling mental and physical health issues, and i work 7 days a fucking week. in fact, i'm at job #2 rn (it's slow asf today) so i'm writing this and currently crying...grateful my boss isn't here and i'm alone b/c i would be embarrassed asf rn. I DON'T NEED THIS. I don't need the stress or the drama.

I am honestly scared to death b/c many of y'all have been there for me while I have been part of this community. i am so scared I'll say or do the wrong thing and lose friends. ppl I really care about and value. i feel like i'm spiraling rn b/c if I lose this community...i genuinely don't know if I'll be ok.

All I wanna do is talk about Gale Dekarios and bg3. All i wanna do is simp over my fictional pixel man. I want to write and share my fanfic. The fucking thing i wrote during the single most turbulent time of my life. I can't handle the drama. I can't handle seeing ppl I care about in this community spiral into fighting and hatred.

I know...Im idealistic. I just want us all to get along, and talk out our issues. if you ever have an issue with me, please just dm me or something. I have no desire to fight with people, or drag ppl. let's just talk like adults. please?

i'm not tagging this either. b/c fuck that. if you see this congrats i guess. i might delete it later who tf knows. i'm just really upset and freaking out rn.

[a-crumb-of-whump]

Okay, so I finally got around to all the responses given for the Random Whump Questions google form I made! Everything is ranked from highest to lowest in terms of what was picked, and the number beside them is how many people chose that option:)

Also, to make sure it's not longer than it needs to be, I'm going to do the open ended questions in a separate post:) Let me know if you'd like to be tagged for that!

One more thing to keep in mind. The 'custom answers' section is where only one person has brought it up. If multiple people have said the same thing, then it will be included in the main answers :)

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Question 1. When did you first discover whump as a term?

A. 15 - 17 (106) B. 11 - 14 (105) C. 20 - 25 (42) D. 18 - 19 (39) E. 26 - 30 (21) F. -10 (4) G. 36 - 39 (4) H. 31 - 35 (3)

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Question 2.

A. Absolutely not (135) B. Some of them do but I prefer to keep it to myself (127) C. I don't try to hide it but not many people know anyway (42) D. Most, if not all of them know - I'm very open about it (10) E. One person knows (4) F. Friends know, family don't (2)

Custom answers: I'm not secretive but I don't explain it because it's hard to, I've never said it but you only need to look at me to know.

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Question 4. Biggest pet peeve when it comes to whump in media?

A. Whumpee miraculously recovers as if they didn't just break three vital bones in their body and get stabbed by the enemy (204) B. Skipping over it and going straight to recovery (165) C. Changes POV's right as it's getting juicy (154) D. Whumpee is too stoic and unphased by what happened (130) E. Too comedic/lighthearted (128) F. Main character(s) die rather than living with what they've done/what happened (127) G. Too much comfort and not enough hurt (80) H. The recovery/captivity is far too unrealistic (77) I. Too much hurt and not enough comfort (62) J. Whumpee is a massive wuss (56) K. All of the above (23) L. The recovery/captivity is too realistic (20) M. Too heavy/serious (16) N. Whumpee is unattractive/not cute enough to me (2) O. Wrong characters are whumped/favourite characters are ignored (2)

Custom written: Obvious medical errors, turns out it was all "just a nightmare!", Caretaker's wellbeing is ignored, Whumpee is rescued right before the whump was about to start, Caretaker never figures out what happened and it's never brought up again, no women, never goes as badly as I want, not enough from Whumpee's POV.

Custom written #2: Whumpee is infantilised during their recovery, no trauma/trauma is overlooked, aftermath/recovery is ignored by a timeskip, Whumpee has no personality apart from being the one who deserves pity for being white and pretty and sweet, caretaker saves the day and it's never brought up again.

Custom written #3: Caretaker saves the day and Whumpee is the perfect victim and there's no conflict ever again, too much emphasis on physical pain rather than emotional, whumper wants love from their whumpees, recovery is too fast and it involves sexual/romantic stuff.

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Question 5. Best thing a whumpee can say to give you whumperflies?

A. "Please- please, no more." (146) B. "It hurts." (142) C. "Please don't leave me." (109) D. "Don't hurt them." (94) E. "Get the hell away from me." (85) F. "I just want to be good." (81) G. "You promised." (71) H. "Am I not enough?" (69) I. "I thought... I thought it was over." (50) J. "You came back!" (49) K. "I was so scared." (43) L. "You will not break me." (36) M. All of the above (19) N. Description over dialogue/I prefer whumpees that are too scared to talk (6) O. Begging (2) P. "I'm fine." (2) Q. "I can't take it anymore." (2)

Custom answers: "Go away" | "It's all my fault, I'm sorry" | "don't touch me!" | "I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I promise" | "don't look at me" | "I don't want you to see me like this" | "fuck you" | just a heartbroken "why?" | "it's fine!"

Custom answers #2: "Nobody is coming..." | "i'm not the same person I was before" | "is this real?" | "I don't want to die" | "why are you helping me?" | Repeating "i'm okay" to themselves while trying not to cry.

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Question 7. Best thing a whumper can say to give you whumperflies?

A. "I wonder how long it'll take to break you." (120) B. "Surely you can take a little more than that, can't you?" (111) C. "Tell me what I need to know and it'll all be over." (111) D. "You're being so good." (107) E. "You're so adorable when you cry." (98) F. "You're mine." (79) G. "Which finger should I crush this time?" (78) H. "I think if you were really sorry, you'd __" (63) I. "This is your home now." (57) J. "At least try to show a little enthusiasm." (49) K. "Please forgive me." (47) L. "You live to please me." (41) M. All of the above (15) N. Prefer no whumpers (7) O. Silent whumpers (3)

Custom answers: "Everything you touch dies." | "I have your whumpee." | "You wanna see something weird/interesting/cool?" | "Get some rest, darling. We'll pick this up again tomorrow." | "Just what do you think you're doing?" | "Don't worry. I'll take good care of you."

Custom answers #2: Petnames | "It's not personal." | "Nobody's coming for you. Give up." | "This is all your fault." | "You shouldn't have done that, darling." | "You'll be begging soon." | "Maybe some pain/time out/etc. will change your mind." | "It's you or them." | "Go ahead, try to run."

Custom answers #3: "Do it or I'll hurt them." | "This is for your own good." | "This will only hurt a pinch." | "Why do you have to ruin everything?" | "The more you scream, the more I have to hurt you." | "It's for science, Whumpee." | "I truly am sorry about this." | "I love you so, so much. I want to taste you..." | "Good boy."

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Question 8. Best thing a Caretaker can say to give you whumperflies?

A. "I got you." (180) B. "Breathe. Just breathe." (170) C. "What did they do to you." (154) D. "Hey, I'm here, okay?" (152) E. "Lie down, okay?" (107) F. "I'm gonna get us out of here." (107) G. "When was the last time they fed you?" (97) H. "Lay a hand on them and see what happens." (88) I. "Don't hurt them." (83) J. "I'm sorry but this is in your best interest." (66) K. "I will not rest until I find who did this." (41) L. "Don't cry." (32) M. All of the above (26) N. Any sort of medical talk (2) O. No caretakers (2)

Custom answers: "Don't touch them!" | Pet names in general | "Just relax. It's all over." | "Don't fucking touch them." | "It's not your fault." | "Hold still" while tending to wounds | "Almost done | Just hold on." | "Hey... not so fast." | "Just look at me, okay?" and then proceeds to gently explain what the medical procedure entails | "You're safe now." | "Please believe me?"

Custom answers #2: "May I see? I promise I won't hurt you." | "Whoa, hey, calm down. I'm not gonna hurt you." | "Shh, you're safe now. It's okay. I'm not leaving." | "Who did this to you?" | "Take this, you'll feel better." | "Shh, I know it hurts" to a squirming whumpee | Anything as long as there's physical touch to go with it | "Stay with me, okay?" | "You need to stay awake for me." | "Leave them alone!"

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Question 9. What role do you think you'd play in a whump story?

A. Whumpee (87) B. Caretaker (52) C. Side character (44) D. Caretaker-turned-whumpee (32) E. Whumpee-turned-caretaker (22) F. Whumper (16) G. Whumpee-turned-whumper (14) H. Whumper-turned-whumpee (11) I. Whumper-turned-caretaker (10) J. Caretaker-turned-whumper (8) K. Caretaker or whumpee (6) L. Carewhumper (3) M. None/I don't insert myself into scenarios (2)

Custom answers: Narrator, all of the above depending on my mood, side character.

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Question 11. Favourite place to consume whump? (not including movies/tv shows/games/etc)

A. Tumblr (294) B. AO3 (212) C. Pinterest (62) D. Fanfiction.net (23) E. DeviantArt (8) F. Wattpad (4) G. My brain (4) H. All of the above (3) I. Youtube (3) J. Character.AI (2) K. Discord (2) L. My brain (2) M. Twitter (2)

Custom answers: Sketch book, google,

Other notes: Someone also gave @whumplovers-collaborate a mention, saying they've been on that server for over a year and that it's amazing.

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Question 12. Pick a whumpy anime out of the ones I've watched (so far)

A. Castlevania (51) B. Black Butler (43) C. Bungou Stray Dogs (43) D. Banana Fish (35) E. Vanitas No Carte (19) F. Black Bullet (5)

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Question 14. How old does a whumpee need to be to be considered an "older whumpee"?

A. 40+ (127) B. 34 - 37 (68) C. 30 - 33 (51) D. 38 - 39 (38) E. 26 - 29 (18) F. 22 - 25 (2) G. 18 - 21 (0)

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Question 15. Pick a character that I think needs to be whumped more.

A. Link (The Legend Of Zelda) (96) B. Tony Stark (The Avengers/Iron Man) (64) C. Vanitas & Noe (Vanitas No Carte) (47) D. Joel Miller (The Last Of Us) (45) E. Hosea Matthews (Red Dead Redemption 2) (5)

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Question 16. Do you prefer hystorical whump or modern whump?

A. Modern (220) B. Hystorical (82)

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Question 17. Do you prefer hurt or comfort?

A. A healthy combination of both (163) B. A little bit of comfort, lots of hurt (81) C. Hurt (44) D. A little hurt, lots of comfort (28) E. Comfort (8)

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Question 19. Favourite species to whump?

A. Human (290) B. Immortal (118) C. Vampire (105) D. Demon/angel (87) E. Werewolf (57) F. Robot/android/cyborg (54) G. God/deity (49) H. Birdpeople (48) I. Merfolk (44) J. Tiny (38) K. Catpeople (26) L. Alien (19) M. All (16) N. Humans with inhuman/magical abilities (5) O. Giant (2) P. Elf (2) Q. Lab subjects (2) R. Species isn't important (2)

Custom answers: Shapeshifter, hybrics, faefolk, winged whumpees, dhampir, superheros, dwarves, mobian.

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Question 20. Pick something to restrain your whumpee with.

A. Chains (104) B. Rope (101) C. Handcuffs (38) D. Zipties (31) E. Your belt (18) F. A piece of their own clothing (18) G. Your tie (6)

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Question 22: Your whumpee bites you. What do you do?

A. Put a muzzle on them. You're not mad, but you need to keep yourself safe (119) B. Beat them until they learn their lesson (82) C. Have a rational conversation with them once they've calmed down about why it's wrong and how to stop it from happening again (61) D. Get checked for some kind of desease. Who knows what they've been carrying (25) E. Ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again (8)

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Question 23. A whumpee shows up at your door, terrified and scared. They beg for your help. What do you do?

A. Let them in and give them some food. You can worry about what you're gonna do with them later on (273) B. Keep them prisoner. Whump their to your heart's content (31) C. Slam the door in their face (4)

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Taglist: @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @let-the-whump-commence @pigeonwhumps @rule-masochism @whumperofworlds @whump-space @wollemi-whump

[vtforpedro]

long life update - TWs in tags

It feels like it's been ages. I'm so exhausted and in a lot of physical pain. Going on two months of it being the worst it's been right after a couple of months of the best it's been. Chronic pain + grief + trying to get help from doctors who should have their licenses revoked + dealing with a shit relationship with my mom + a good, decades-long friendship ending + the ongoing disability process with the SSA + LAW FIRMS.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't remember if I updated that the appeals council decided not to review my case because the 'judge followed the law' except that he didn't. So, as it turns out, my original attorney (and he did not tell me this) before he left, wrote that if they denied me, it should go to federal district court.

I'm now working with a NY law firm to take my case to federal court because my current law firm believes it has merit, and I guess they do, too. That's how fucked the decision was, and I'm glad my initial reaction of bewilderment and anger was spot on lol

The good news is, it should only take another year! ._.

My neurologist is the worst doctor I have ever come across and I'm quite literally stuck with him with nowhere else to go. I wish him upon no one. I'm so tired of calling the SSA, getting documents to them, signing things for law firms, contacting law firms, getting no responses, and contacting them all over and over again. I am in incredible physical pain, like this actively makes my neuro stuff worse. Everything makes it worse. I have autonomic testing in a few days, and idk if I'll get through it b/c I have to stop the meds that keep me out of the ER two days prior, and it scares me.

My relationship with my mom is fractured and I don't feel like family therapy is actually helping. I had to end a friendship with someone I love and care very much about but who was growing too comfortable mistreating me and I was giving them too many passes 😞 I've known them for the better part of two decades.

It's been over seven months since my cat Isis died. I don't know how. It feels like she was here just yesterday. Yet, all the nights I've sat and talked to her and wept are all too real. I miss her more than I can say. She was my soul cat. I keep thinking about tomorrow and how she'd be so nosy getting into EVERYthing when gifts are opened at Christmas. Having to stop her, move her, laugh because she was just so n o s y and it was hilarious. And she's not gonna be here for that ever again.

I'm having a really fucking hard time tonight. It's just hitting me how god-awful this year has been and how I have a bad week to look forward to before even getting to the new year lmao I have to stop taking so many of my medications 48hrs before 1.5-2hrs of testing to see if we can find out Yet Another Thing Wrong With Me but knowing my luck it'll be 'no findings' and the mystery of why my core body temp plummets to 93.9 in the blink of an eye won't be solved until I have suffered juuuuust enough.

It never ends. Never. I want to give up. I'm so tired of doing this. I don't want to anymore. It never. fucking. ends.

I absolutely cannot say it's all been bad, though. I've met incredible, warm, welcoming, giving, kind people this year. Y'all have helped me more than you know and I'm so so so lucky to be able to call you my friends. This year has sucked for so many of us, but I want to say I'm proud of you, and I love you all very much.

My fic is gonna be printed in a hardcover zine early next year. I participated in a Big Bang for the first time and that'll also go out early next year. I'm hosting a tiny event in my tiny fandom server that I'm super excited about. I have a raffle prize to write (bagginshield !!!! SO EXCITED to revisit the og otp) and a Valentine's gift to write for another fandom.

I posted 401,000 words this year and wrote many more unfinished wips, plus a long one (90k) that I am very invested in finishing.

I painted and drew so much this year. I improved a lot, too! I got a couple of portraits printed from inprnt to see how they looked, and it was MY art, and they were GORGEOUS. I thought I would hate seeing my art professionally printed, but no! I almost cried. They looked so lovely.

My cat Lilly had health issues almost immediately following Isis's passing, but she is doing so well right now. She's blossomed into another cat, and while she's not my constant companion, she is with me so much more than she used to be. When she walks onto my desk I am to stop everything and hold her like baby in my arms until she decides that's enough (or I really need to move) lmaaao she's such a goober. My heart cat. <3

I'm not doing well right now--my MH is bad. Especially tonight. But it felt good to write the good things.

I'm sorry for my lack of replies and kinda disappearing. I'm running on fumes. I hope next year will bring physical relief so emotional relief can happen.

For those of you facing difficulties of any kind, I am holding your hand in spirit.

[chaos-has-theories]

WIP Tag/Reblog Game

Thank youuuuu @aidanchaser!

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends!

WIP TITLES

Specifically 5 fanfics this time around - the things that are loudest about rattling my head at the moment.

Timetravel AU - Septimus Heap After a series of escalating deaths, Marcia and Septimus use the House of Foryx to travel back in time and - hopefully - fix things.

Merlin Resurrection AU - working title "I Refuse" Merlin has been alive for a thousand years, and he just found out that the rest of the gang is back. The problem is, none of them fully remember anything: It's only just enough to spook Arthur hard enough that he cut contact with all of the others and is trying his hardest to just be an obnoxious college student.

Three is Company - Septimus Heap, role swap AU. Prequel/Equel to The Long Way Home. Answers such thrilling questions as "how did Septimus get adopted by the Queen?", "how much trauma can you put into one freshly-minted EOW?" and "What exactly IS going on between Marcia, Milo and Cerys?"

The Egypt Agenda Part 4: The Distant Goddess I have yet to properly write out my Egyptian analysis of Nona the Ninth! Also I've been meaning to put the other parts on Ao3 for a while

Gideon the Musical Ohhhh boy I just rediscovered this while going through my drafts and?? I mean no there's pretty much nothing in that file yet but now I really want to pick it up again

UPCOMING SECTIONS

I am two-thirds through the scene in which Septimus and Simon infiltrate the Young Army to rescue 412. I'm not sure why I haven't kept working because technically I'm at such a juicy point? 412 thinks he's about to be thrown into DN1, Septimus can't tell him what's really going on, and Simon is being told to do a spell that this-timeline Simon has no reason to know. It's GOOD I think I'm just scared I can't hit the correct balance for it

sgahjhgsshfdg Merlin just met Gwen and the Knights at a metal concert and they made their way backstage to greet Morgana and Morgause but like. Morgana is half-convinced he'll try to kill her again. Gwen is crying. Merlin is inwardly screaming because if THEY'RE all back does that mean Arthur is as well??? I probably COULD skip the explanations and just continue the scene where he confronts Arthur. I'm just.... not sure how to resolve it yet. Stubborn Prince is being Stubborn.

Milo just fished a baby from the river and is walking towards the Palace to greet his wife and newborn daughter. He is about to a) be accosted by a very panicked Marcia b) have to fast-talk his way past the Supreme Custodian and c) find out that his daughter is very dead. Noone is having a good day, except maybe for me, because all of this is setup for some VERY stupid miscommunication.

DID YOU KNOW that there's an actual myth in which "Alecto" runs off to live in a land where "John" has no direct jurisdiction so he has to send "Ianthe" to cajole her into coming back? YEAH. THAT

Act I works pretty well! Even Act II is fine! It gets more difficult after that. Anyway I have decided there's going to be a song called "To the Floor" and then it can have reprise elements in all the other duel scenes. How? I dunno whatever gave you the idea that I know what I'm doing

No way I can think of 10 and I don't know if any of you have already been tagged but hmmmm - @echo-has-queries @into-september @trainsinanime @liesmyth @septimus-heap

[rye-in-a-coat]

Hiii Rye, how does your tagging system work? I'm guessing it has something to do with Toki Pona but I'm curious

That's a great question, let's go through some of the tags I use in this blog.

Also. This will be a bit long.

GENERAL TAGS

The most well known and used is ofc, #ryeblog ,which is given to any post I reblog. It comes from "rye" and "reblog". Another interesting fact is that when I reblog many posts in a short time, I call it a "ryeblitz" (ryeblog + blitz [German for lightning).

For original text-based posts of mine, the tag is #handful of grains, which comes from the fact that I am Rye; but also because originally there was a tag called #sack of grain that never got used and was intended for large text-based original posts.

Images and videos get #pics and flicks, except if these are art. If the art was posted by the artist it gets #art of them and if it's someone else's art it gets #art of those.

#letters to rye will be the tag used in this post, as it is for the asks I answer.

#poll #tag game #ask game #quiz Self explanatory.

Prev tags get marked with #Previously on Tags: and then I mark my answer to those with a #My reaction to that information:

MEDIA TAGS

Quite self explanatory, if I'm reblogging some cute art from blorbo from my shows, tags would look like

#ryeblog #art of them #my shows

Must be understood that this system isn't 100% reliable. If I don't have a tag for a media because I have no knowledge of it or even interest; it won't get a tagged or have a tag.

Imagine this, a fanart featuring characters from the shows A, B, C and D. I only have tags for B and C. Only appliable media tags are #B and #C.

This is why you can find stuff like few Chainsaw Man fanart in my blog, but a tag for Chainsaw Man doesn't actually exist. When I reblog Out of Touch Thursday, I don't do it with a tag for the Lucky Star anime. Characters don't have tags in my system.

I can't give a full list of all of them, but here's the top 45 as of now:

#moomin

#deltarune

#sparklecare

#toh (The Owl House)

#sonic the hedgehog

#dhmis (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared)

#su (Steven Universe)

#tf2 (Team Fortress 2)

#pokemon

#lwa (Little Witch Academia)

#hatsune miku [Ok. It's ironic that this is a character. There's no tag for Vocaloid btw. Cuz of my lack of knowledge on the matter.]

#mlp

#minecraft

#fnaf (Five Nights at Freddy)

#undertale

#bluey

#danganronpa

#homestuck

#breaking bad

#cunk on earth [It applies to other media with Philomena Cunk like "Cunk on Britain"]

#neil cicierega [Technically a person. Applies to all his work. Forgot to mention, artists and bands also fit in this category.]

#tove jansson [Again. A person. This tag exists to not tag her with #moomin in non-Moomin issues.]

#talking heads [Again, a band.]

#jerma985 [A person.]

#spiderman

#undertale 2 [Yep. That's a game. A parody fan-game RPG of Undertale. This tag isn't for Deltarune. I found many people tagging Deltarune as Undertale 2.]

#animal crossing

#hetalia

#loz (Legend of Zelda)

#adventure time

#epithet erased

#lemon demon [Again, an artist; also not everything Neil Cicierega does is for Lemon Demon. This is why this tag is also a thing.]

#omori

#mcyt (Minecraft YouTuber)

#tally hall [A band.]

#barbie

#doctor who

#ghibli

#tetris

#touhou

#ytp

#ella minnow pea

#ena

#they might be giants [A band.]

#alexkansas [Applies to all his work. Currently MISTERMANTICORE]

NOT THAT SPECIFIC TAGS. THEY ARE THE SAME LEVEL AS THESE

#the past for the stuff about the past. The limit of how old has to be the thing to be tagged with this is 20 years.

#language is for everything linguistics, scripts, phonetics, anything of that matter and related. This tag isn't for swear swords, those bitches don't fucking get tagged.

#chemistry #geology #toki pona [An artistic constructed language by Sonja Lang] #handwriting #cursive #flags [Because vexillology was too long and I never knew if I was writing it right] #maps #biology #philately [#stamps is out of use] #reaction image ,etc.

MEET THE SPECIFICS

These tags exists because I have decided to.

TAGS THAT USE TOKI PONA WORDS

#pilin This Toki Pona word describes many concepts, like feelings, emotions, the heart in its both physical and emotional form. However, in this blog, this tag shall only be used for the heart (organ or not) and heart shapes and heart-shaped things.

#kili This word describes fruits and vegetables, all the edible parts of a plant. I also use this tag for stuff made with kili, like French fries, jam and jelly or milkshakes.

#mun This word doesn't just describe the Moon but also all night-sky objects and space objects. This tag replaced the now abandoned #astronomy as stuff like a blanket with sun and moon motifs or the fanart of a furry on the Moon aren't quite related with the science of space.

#kala This word describes fish and all the aquatic animals. Axolotls, whales, jellyfish and crabs may not be fish, but they sure are kala.

#pan As a Spanish speaker you probably have realised this word is for bread. That's right, it's for grains and all grain products. Stuff that is pan but not bread: tortilla, beer, peanut butter, crackers, communion wafers, tejuino. This tag isn't for pansexuality, Tumblr just colours it like that.

#pipi The word for insects and all the little bugs and crechurs, so it includes stuff like spiders and worms.

#waso The word for birds, flying animals and winged animals.

#soko The word for fungi. This tag replaced #mycology.

#akesi The word for reptiles. This tag isn't used for "non-cute animals" as the original meaning of the word expressed and was corrected in 2021.

#kijetesantakalu The word to describe procyonids and musteloids, like ferrets, racoons and tanukis. For the non-Toki Pona speakers. The reason why this word is long and very specific is because it's an April Fools joke that just got too popular.

#in front of them sensors I wears glasses, I like characters that wear them too. So this tag is for that. It also applies to stuff like sport/lab goggles, sunglasses and other eyewear.

#the florist's For flowers. The name is as in a flower shop, just like the butcher's or the chemist's.

#city made of light For photographs of, or art depicting urban light during the night. The night scared us, so we killed it; some beautiful examples of this massacre to our health are Times Square, the Las Vegas strip or Hong Kong neon capital of the East.

#KÖT For cats! The word "köt" isn't for cat in any language btw.

#i do the squeaking For ratas and mice. Tag name based on that one post with the mousegirl house wife.

I don't tag furries for some reasons: First is, what is a furry? Are Moomins furry? Are Sonic characters furries? Furries' opinion on what is furry and what is not a large broad spectrum of thoughts. Second is so people don't block furries from me. If you don't wanna see furries, go and try and see how many tags you need to block to see none, and you will still see some cuz not everyone tags. Also, furries don't get tagged any of the animal tags.

#boyfriendposting Those posts that are like "yeah, sorry that your boyfriend..."

#fake posts Those posts that are made to look like many and have some theme.

#fauxnetics People trying to spell pronunciation using non-standarized methods like the IPA, usually just causing more confusion. Example: "How do you pronounce Chara? Car-uh, Care-uh, Chair-uh or Char-uh?"

#illinois chess Games (doesn't have to be chess, but if chess, funky non-standard chess) [usually board games] with strange setting or rules, impossible to understand. Tag named after this thing from 20020.

#present as the past from the future Meme/joke posts describing modern/contemporany history or the current world as how we speak of the past. Example: "Cowboys were a sort of itinerant warrior class common in Meiji-era Texas."

#rainbow #emoji #ethanol [Alcohol found in drinking alcoholic beverages] #radiation #tbh creature #tea #picrew #9/11 #plush #tell-o-phone [Telephones] #tell-o-vision [Televisions] #jesus #gastronintestinal issues #isobutyl propionic acid [Ibuprofen] #rain #butane [Alkane of four carbon atoms, fuel in cigarette lighters] #loss ['Loss' by Tim Buckley for Ctrl+Alt+Del] #snow #blåhaj #R-Ë-PLANE [Airplanes and similar aircraft.] #ZUG [German for trains. Anything on rails.] #mpreg [Male pregnancy] #cool S [This one.] #aspirin ,etc, probably there are more.

I hope this ask has answered your doubts. There's probably more tags out there.

Now for an example.

Example.

Tag-relevant details: A Sparklecare Cometcare AU fan art piece made and posted by Edward featuring Barry Ill and Uni Sock Cornelius in a night picnic. Uni is wearing her rose-tinted goggles, holding a milkshake with a cherry on top, there's another one present next to Barry. Barry is holding a sandwich with visible lettuce and tomato, there's another one next to Uni. The picnic blanket has the colours of the rainbow. There are stars and hearts around them, the picnic case also had a heart detail. On the field there are white small flowers.

Tags: #ryeblog #art of them #sparklecare #in front of them sensors #kili #pan #rainbow #pilin #mun #the florist's

The tags after the Sparklecare one could be in any order.

And this is an ideal case. As I have stated, I'm not 100% reliable and this sytem isn't either. I sometimes miss some tags.

As a final detail. Comments about the post will go after all of these tags and will have proper sentence capitalization and punctuation. This is the hierarchy the tags go which I sometimes miss too.

[gay-stegosaur]

Building new habits is hard 😕 (a small rant, not using tags because I don't really want this seen by as many people and I just need to vent a bit. It's nothing major or deep, I'm just having an off day and need to clear my head. Nothing bad or scary, but if it's a possible strain on your mental wellbeing just skip it; your safety and comfort are always the priority! Stay strong, stay brave, stay you 💜)

I'm trying to do better at taking care of myself, but it's a struggle, and how am I supposed to hold myself accountable? Like, sure, I can *say* I'm going to limit my screentime and set a proper sleep schedule, but then I don't have the self control not to drink a can of monster with dinner and stay up all night watching videos. I've tried sticker charts and "if you go to bed by this time or drink this much water or brush your teeth before bed every night this week you can buy a small treat" but then there's nothing stopping me from not doing any of that and then still buying the treat anyway. Idk what it means to be an adult, idk how to actually manage self care. I used to have a really good routine down but then I moved to a new country and even though I've been here for six and a half months, I still haven't gotten back into my routine and it's a mess. *I'm* a mess, and I don't mean that in a bad way; autumn leaves can be messy but still pretty and fun; they can be bright and colourful and still all over the place. It's okay to be messy sometimes, but I get frustrated with myself because I didn't learn that growing up so I'm hard on myself.

But like, gods, I just want to have someone to hold me accountable sometimes. I feel like I *need* it some days, I need help setting and enforcing rules, I need someone who's actually able to be responsible and has accountability to help me actually take care of myself, but I'm scared. Without much detail, I've got a lot of reasons that I'm terrified of any relationships. I live with my sister and she knows about my regressions, but neither of us are comfortable with her being in a CG/authority role. Two friends and one of my exes know too but they're across the ocean 5,000+ miles away and I only ever even still talk to one of them and I wish she'd stop too but I'm too much of a people pleaser with immense guilt to block her, no matter how many times we fight or she hurts me.

I just want help. I want someone to tell me it's too late in the day for caffeine, to remind me to brush my teeth, to take my phone when I've been on it too much and do something with me to pass the time that doesn't involve screens, to enforce a bedtime even if it means dragging me into bed and wrapping around me like a koala to keep me there so I actually sleep. I want to feel small and cared for, to have a happy drop instead of a lonely and sad one, I want to make a blanket fort to make a little nest in and cuddle with my cg and just *actually relax*. I want someone to actually recognise when I'm Little and keep me safe, because my sister doesn't realise when I'm regressed sometimes and it can get dangerous and scary. I just want to be able to let someone in, but I don't know how to get over the fears of my past. I don't know how to be an adult, I struggle with being a Little, and as much as I pretend I don't irl in day to day life, I *desperately* want a partner and/or CG, but I just can't, and it's hard.

If you read all of that, I'm sorry. Ramble pity parties are gonna be rare but I just needed to vent, and I decided to here on the off chance someone has advice. I'm just not having the best day, probably because a) that "I had a monster in the evening and didn't sleep" was from last night so I'm exhausted, b) my tummy is rebelling again, and c) my chewy necklace needs replaced but I lost the replacements so I can't; so I'm just grumpy and frustrated and overwhelmed and I just really need to cuddle with someone who makes me feel small and secure, regardless of not having anyone I can. I just hope tomorrow is better, but even if tomorrow isn't, it will get better eventually and I'll be brave and strong until it does. Hopefully back to regular cute content tomorrow if I can think of any ideas, we shall see 🙃

[heretyc]

eddie and val headcanons + rlly small fics to get back into my writing spirit [DD:DNE]

There are some sections that mention vague NSFW but that's it. These are also taking place in their original universes; I love modern AU but it's fun to experiment and whatnot. They don't murder you but instead like/love you because fanfiction logic hehehehehe

If there are spelling mistakes, forgive me. I am not kidding I am on my KNEES and I want you to forgive me [although I will be rereading this like a BITCH]

I added the DD:DNE tag because I don't condone anything that happens in these nor do I encourage you to enter a relationship with a murderer or a cultist [insert The Rock's eyebrow meme here]

Implied TW with the DD:DNE tag. Eddie's a murderer and Val is Val [aka a rapist with a bigger ass than mine wtf], so proceed with caution if mentions of sex and murder disturb you. Val uses they/them because everyone sees them differently. See them however you want in this 🙏

These are basic hc's but being a hoe I added reader interaction. #girlboss

Feel free to give me your thoughts on how I portrayed these two!

☸ Eddie Gluskin —

♡ As much as you'd like to take him home with you, you cannot do that unless you want your entire neighbourhood to be slashed to shit because of an angry murderous man toddler. He cannot enter society because I think you know what would happen if he did. Not to mention he's probably on some wanted list. He needs to stay in a normal institution where he ISN'T tested for some weird supernatural bullshit.

♡ He also needs to be taught that misogyny isn't cute.

♡ Eddie has an intense fear of abandonment, as shown when Waylon runs off from him. This results in an outburst, so it's not entirely inaccurate for me to think he has a Cluster B personality disorder. Meaning he is emotional, erratic, and dramatic. We all see how his emotions span from anger to sadness in a single minute.

However before Murkoff scrambled his brains he exhibited more behaviours from the Cluster C personality disorders.

[Cluster types here if you'd like to know more]

♡ Eddie...would not be the best partner. Walking on eggshells is not the way to go.

♡ If you decide to become intimate with him I am sending you all the luck on God's green Earth.

♡ He'd need patience. Loads and loads of patience. Also, like...hide the sharp objects.

♡ He'd need to vent, man. Vent and vent and vent. If you're understanding and compassionate, he'll appreciate it immensely.

♡ He has the shittest coping mechanisms. Introduce him to something healthier, please.

♡ Eddie has very childlike beliefs. Death is not a thing to him, rather he views it as "sleep". Due to not being able to have a proper childhood, you can expect a lot of topics to be seen from an innocent point of view. He cannot help it.

♡ It's very likely his charming personality is just a front so you don't leave him. If you stay with him he'll likely form his own, although it's possible he'll keep the gentleman persona to a point.

♡ Sexually, he may not be as immaculate as he likes to think he is; a panic attack is very much a possibility. Flashbacks, too.

♡ Patience comes out to play yet again, here.

♡ Despite his violent outbursts and such, he has his pros.

♡ Can take a very optimistic approach to things. You dropped something and it broke? Silly you! You accidentally cut yourself? Oh dear, be more careful next time!

♡ He can sometimes come to extremely inaccurate conclusions. Waylon falling and getting stabbed by glass = trying to die just to get away from Eddie.

...That's not completely untrue, but you know. Assure him that you're not trying to secretly leave his ass. [Unless you are. Then good luck :*]

♡ Obviously homemade clothes, crafted with love. Maybe some blood here and there.

♡ Murkoff is a shit place to reside in, but because the mention of Eddie scares the variants shitless, nobody goes near you. A blessing and a curse.

♡ He's no doctor, not like Trager, but he does have experience with stitching if the time ever comes when you need stitches. Just make sure you take a shitload of painkillers first. Eddie is precise, but he can't make it painless.

♡ He'd prevent you from venturing into the gym for...obvious reasons.

♡ If a variant had previously scared the bejesus out of you or just generally made you feel unsafe, he'd give them the Eddie Gluskin treatment, no questions asked.

♡ You can't eat sewing machines. They taste gross. No nutritional value. So you make the extremely brave trip above to grab food from the low-key haunting cafeteria. Also...water.

Anxiety and anger combat each other in Eddie's head, but basically, to avoid any visits from the Groom, Dennis will spectate your little adventure and make sure you come back. When the Groom has to leave his little mancave, it's never good.

♡ Because he's old-fashioned and has been surrounded by nothing but this cold asylum, he knows nothing about modern stuff. Cell phones? He's not sure what that shit is but it's magical.

♡ You have no service down here, but you DID manage to find a free wifi signal...might as well pass the time until your phone dies.

♡ He's enamoured. Duh.

♡ It doesn't hurt to open YouTube and introduce him to the Fallout soundtrack. Promise. Too much oldies for him to miss out on.

I beg you...please introduce him to Cheek to Cheek by Fred Astaire. Not because I listened to it while writing this but it fits him so well. [I also was non-stop listening to The Plagues from The Prince of Egypt but that's different rofl]

♡ He'd be a bird person. 100%. They'd sing together, and the feathers of the bird would no doubt inspire Eddie to work with colourful fabrics. [I had a dream about Eddie keeping me in a birdcage...it was odd but that's how dreams are ig]

♡ He'd like winter. An excuse to stay indoors and spend time with his loved ones.

♡ He has mannequins to use for his dressmaking and such, but he'll use you for it instead once you're settled. [Aka forced to stay down there and make no effort to leave anymore.]

♡ If he's able, he gives the best embraces. Like...expect the warmest and biggest of hugs.

♡ If you're having difficulties sleeping, he'll happily use his sleep gas on you. Just...um...expect to sleep for the next 12 hours. It's potent.

♡ Eddie is an excellent listener when you need him to be. Ranting about your problems to him as he sews or sharpens his knives is a common activity.

♡ Wants to suffer with you. Doesn't matter what it is, he's intent on sharing your struggles. Not to the point where he'll mimic your injuries but he'll make you squeeze his hand or something.

♡ He learns to take his anger out on variants instead of you. Since meeting you've shown him [forced] kindness, it'd be wrong to harm the one person he's grown to actually like.

♡ Oh yeah. Kindness. Eddie's life has been full of monstrous individuals. His uncle. His father. The staff here...kindness is a foreign thing to him.

♡ He will not let you go. It's something he craves, now. And he reciprocates.

♡ Just saying...if a Murkoff staff member finds their way into the third floor, whether to kill you so you don't spread their secret or just to hide away, don't stop Eddie from expressing his rage.

Sit back, relax, witness the bloodshed.

♡ Eddie doesn't mind blood getting on him. It's warm, a lovely shade of red. What's not to like about it?

However, he will refrain from getting it on you. You've expressed disgust before.

♡ He seems like the type to write poetry. With his vocab? You bet.

♡ Chastise this mfer if he says something misogynistic or something hurtful to you. He's not in a situation where he has to be on fight mode [in his words, "vulgar mode"] anymore. He has no excuses, goddammit.

♡ He uses pet names for everyone. Easier than having to learn and remember names.

Well...pet names for the people he likes. Vulgarities for anybody else.

♡ His love language is a mix between physical touches, compliments, gifts and murder. The last one is...eh.

By murder I mean you'll be safe from any assholes with the intent to harm you.

♡ If Waylon exists [aka you're not in his place] and traverses down there, you can bet he'll try to get you out. Whatever happens to him is up to you. [Save his ass if you can though or Lisa will be furious, okay??]

♡ If you're afraid of thunderstorms, then his little section of the asylum is the best place to be. His music drowns out the thunder and torrential rain. Lightning is still a possibility but he'll take your mind off of it.

♡ He avoids sleep like the plague. Night terrors are inevitable and he doesn't get his work done if he's asleep.

♡ You know how they give dementia patients baby dolls to help them calm down? Give one to Eddie.

♡ If your childhood was traumatic as well, he'll listen to you talk about it. Again; excellent listener when he needs to be.

♡ He has issues separating his own beliefs and reality. Be extremely careful with this information.

♡ If you didn't like work or going outside before, you miss the hell out of those now. You're not as afraid anymore, but the boredom is more likely to kill you.

♡ If he is sexually active, he's a gentle dom. Unless he's angry in that moment, in which he's rough. Aftercare is a must with him, too.

♡ Eddie never leaves the third floor as long as you're there. If he leaves to grab a victim and someone managed to slip by and hurt you, what will he do with himself?

♡ He'll come outside with you to the courtyard but that's the farthest he'll go.

♡ He'd be a violinist. Violins tend to sound haunting and elegant, which I think suit him well.

♡ There are so many sewing machines down there, that it'd be weird to not consider learning how to sew.

Yes, he teaches you.

♡ This man is tall. 'Climb him like a tree' tall. No longer will you have to stand on your tippy-toes to grab things off of shelves. [If you're short of course lol]

♡ He'd support the things you'd like. He probably has no idea what those things are but he doesn't need to in order to support you.

♡ He makes Christmas sweaters. Yes, they're ugly. No, you won't tell him.

♡ If you were a variant beforehand, nobody goes near the third floor. Everyone knows of your combined wrath.

♡ I don't think he cares too much about Walrider. It's more enamoured with Miles, whom he knows nothing about because he doesn't even know Miles exists, but he has more things to worry about.

♡ He also would not care about Chris, Jeremy or Trager unless they involved themselves. He cares only for his territory, his wives and himself. [And you, obviously.]

♡ He doesn't bat an eye when he has to murder another variant. It's just a common thing for him. Almost the same as breathing.

♡ Because he has mood swings and gets angry over the smallest of things, he will 100% say things in the heat of the moment. He doesn't mean any of them. Chastise his ass.

"If this is you on the honeymoon, I'd hate to imagine our anniversary" man shut up 💀

♡ Let's you carry his knife for safety. Or just because.

♡ No matter how you identify...expect to wear dresses. There are no issues with doing so, and he doesn't care, he's more concerned about the length and the colour.

♡ If you were a worker before the breakout happened, and you were nice to him, he will remember.

♡ He has...a very strange pain tolerence. This mfer made little to no noise when being impaled. Do whatever you'd like with this information.

⚘ ————————————————————————————————⚘

❝Oh, darling...I'm so sorry. The vermin here can get quite vulgar with their actions. It's unfortunate.❞

It's rare to witness such a behemoth of a man express kindness, but down here it's all you're exposed to, now.

Well, that and the occasional variant who dares to lay a harmful hand on you, either not knowing or not remembering that the Thing Below had claimed you as his own.

He protects what he has.

Albeit your bleeding arm and less-than-amused facial expression, Eddie chirps away, and with gentle care, wraps a somewhat dirtied bandage around the wound. Gentleness is something that you'd think would be foreign to him, but apparently not.

❝They're nothing like me. I'm a gentleman, through and through. However, if every man was like me, it'd get quite boring.❞

He stops looking at his handiwork for a moment to wink at you, his blue eye surrounded by pools of hemorrhage, before looking back at the bandaging.

❝And you, darling? You're one of a kind, as well. The rest are all whores. Trying to seduce me. And then leave me.❞

He scowls a bit at the end, making you flinch.

You've seen the bodies. You've heard the screams of the men who died at his hand before coming here. There's no seduction involved, unless you consider fear to be lustrous in nature.

❝Not to worry. You're not one of them.❞

The furrow in his brow leaves as he makes a noise of contentment. Looking down, you can see he's done. Blood seeps through the bandaging, however you feel some relief.

❝All done!❞ Eddie takes your hand into his, the one that's not attached to your injured arm, and twirls you around as if you were a ballerina.

❝How convenient,❞ he muses, ❝the bandaging perfectly matches the dress I finished just before this. Come! You must try it on!❞

You may not be too happy to be down here, stuck and now injured, but it's better to be used as a doll for dresses and his attempts at affection than to be above, running for your life.

So you let him happily take you to the dress he created, and hoped you wouldn't get an infection.

† Val —

♡ Val is a strange individual. You can thank Murkoff for that. They're always lascivious, no matter what they're doing. Either lascivious or remorseless.

♡ They're used to the heat that Arizona offers. By day they stay in the mines, encouraging their children to do the same. The sun's beams can't exactly target you if you're underground.

♡ If you're from the north [like me...oh no] it's likely you cannot stand the heat. They'll assist you to the best of their ability. You can decide what they do to help you beat the heat lol.

♡ Val and the cult's treatment of you really depends on whether Val wants you as an equal or as a Heretic.

Seeing as you're not from there, whether you came there by helicopter and crashed or you were just unlucky as fuck during a hike, it's likely you'll be their equal. They've never seen an outsider before.

♡ If you're equal, you'd be seen as their romantic partner. More attention towards you, curiosity about your life and being involved in the fight against the Scalled and The New Testament are just a few things you need to expect.

♡ Knoth doesn't like you. Neither does Marta, or Laird, or Nick...do you want the entire list?

Just know you don't have to lose sleep over being disliked by an egotistical man and his followers when you have Val and their entire cult to enjoy your existence.

♡ Clay and mud have benefits for the skin. Val's skin is extremely smooth to the touch.

♡ Somewhat familiar with medical stuff. Before the "apocolypse" bullshit they tended to their injured orphans whenever the time arised, so if you accidentally get a gash that's too deep or sprain something, they'll assist you.

♡ The Heretics make you a crown much like Val's. Basically you just became an adoptive parent. Awwww.

♡ They're touchy. Their love language includes loads of physical touches and compliments. Also the occasional murder in your name if someone outside the Heretics touches you. If you feel them embrace you from behind or shove your head into their chest...don't be too shocked.

♡ The visions affect you differently. While they see visions of their God, you'll see other things. Horrific things.

If your memories are like Blake's - full of regret and sorrow - they'll comfort you. You cannot see their true God? Unfortunate. You will soon, but for now, let them aid you in coping...

♡ Their home is extremely fucky, okay? Mazes upon mazes of rocks, torches and the god awful corpses. You have to be guided in and out.

♡ They're rarely ever cruel to anybody. To Knoth's followers? Depends. Thumbs through their eyeballs are deserved for them, no doubt. But sometimes they feel merciful, giving the members quick deaths. Listening to Knoth's bullshit is already painful enough.

♡ They're like a predator. Stalking their prey is fun.

♡ The Heretics are everywhere in the mines. Taking a stroll? There's always gonna be one just chilling somewhere.

♡ Yes, you're involved in the orgies. Yes, you take breaks. You don't have the stamina. Where's the damn Powerade in this place??

♡ They're into pain kink. If you're in a non-consensual makeout session then biting into their bottom lip and scratching down their back won't do fuck all.

♡ ....[Sighs] Yes, they lick you. A lot.

♡ Their breath doesn't really smell like anything. You'd know...they lick you constantly. It's how they show their love. Yum.

♡ Going outside during the day is rare. At night is when it's best to strike. Nobody can see them.

♡ Val helps you with the Heretics and their little language. They understand it, but you're left clueless when they talk to each other.

♡ They're automatically the dom unless you make a move. You get on top? Yeah...they're your bitch. They won't pry.

♡ You're given a bone knife. Obviously.

It's dry, because you know, bone, so you never use it. It's just strapped to your hip. But it's handy in cutting things, so.

♡ Consent isn't...a thing to them. They want to give you their love, take it.

♡ Agile. Incredibly agile. They balance on things effortlessly. Y'all saw them in the mines on those thin ass pieces of wood, right LMAO

♡ Cleanliness is not Godliness.

If you were a clean person beforehand...sorry.

♡ If you were with a group of friends you're the one they take.

Somewhat strong hands wrap around your neck, then gently remove themselves as you lose consciousness and your friends cry out for you. How fun! 5 stars on Help. [Get it? Hehehehe]

♡ If you have menstrual cycles [aka blood waterfalls], they'll try to ease your pain with sex. Was this unexpected? [And I believe it's been proven to work. It helps break up blood clots which are the causes of pain irrc]

♡ So, sexually? There's absolutely no chance of being shamed, no matter the kink. BDSM? They have ropes. Priest/Succubus roleplay? Uhhh, fuck yeah, they're down. They do not care as long as it brings pleasure.

♡ Their nose probably doesn't work anymore. When you've smelled enough corpses and the scent of sex your nose is bound to GTFO.

♡ You don't want to give in willingly? Fair! They love cat and mouse. But they hope you're not stupid enough to waltz back into the territory of Marta and the others. Cause they cannot get you back if you do lol

♡ However if you stay within the confines of the mines [it's hard to leave...fucking mazes if you ask me] then they'll find amusement out of it. They know every shortcut and where every tunnel leads. They make heretics keep an eye out at the exits, though.

♡ Compared to Laird I don't think they care too much about the 'modern' world nor know much about it. If you brought a video camera they'd just give it to their heretics or something. They won't think twice unless it's of obvious importance to you.

♡ Won't outright be angry at you for believing in Knoth's God [if you do], but will be annoyed.

♡ If you're a poor wittle Northerner and get heat sickness, or you're just a victim of the heat due to the stupid ass Arizona sun, the mines are...decent, I guess? Kinda gets sticky due to the mud and the orgy sessions but at least there's water to chill in. [Just turn the damn electricity off first !!!!]

Because they're all used to the humidity, and the medication needed to treat headaches and whatnot are in the greedy little hands of Knoth, Val can't really do much except monitor your temperature, make you drink water and chill in a cool place. No sex will be involved, to their displeasure.

♡ They have a strange fascination with blood and innards. They find your disgust of those things to be amusing.

♡ They're tall and lanky. If you're short, they find your height endearing. Especially considering the fact that they might have to assist you with things. If you're the same height, or taller...they might get turned on ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

♡ If you've taken the place of Blake, and dealt with the bullshit that came with being The Messiah [tm], they are suspiciously gentle.

You've been through a lot, they think. Running from a brainwashed, gothic Knoth apologist, running into an archer and his friend, being crucified by said friend, having rusted and jagged nails shoved into your delicate palms...this night has not been kind. Speaking of crucified; the wounds in your hands were relentless in their pain and their bloodiness. They were raw. Tainted. But not to worry, they'll ease your pain.

♡ Yes, they use their Magic Dust on you. To ease anxieties, pain or used as an aphrodisiac, it is used.

♡ Feeds off of your fear. Eats your fear, horniness, pain and pleasure off of a silver platter.

♡ Not saying it will happen, only if you wanna imagine it for the Angst, but if Marta invades and kills them, you die too. You ride togetha you die togetha, you feel me?

You'll be reunited in Hell. Romantic!

♡ If you're a virgin or the sex you've had beforehand was disappointing, Val is a blessing in disguise. You don't want anyone else. [Yes you do. But you won't say that in front of them.]

♡ They've adapted to eating human flesh. Like...whole ass human flesh. Feral bullshit at its finest. You never will, though. You have yet to lose your humanity.

♡ It's likely you abandoned your clothes at some point. Probably due to bloodstains that no amount of scrubbing and tears can get rid of. Perhaps due to the fact that some of us wear hoodies and jeans to a fucking desert. You dislike being nude? The least Val will do is let you wear their robes. It's not like they wear them in the mines anyway LOL

♡ If the birds are somehow still alive, they'd 100% befriend ravens.

♡ You don't know where or how they got some, but they will wear lingerie for you. Don't ask questions cause I don't have answers 💀

♡ They'd be into art. You've seen the gigantic effigy placed in one of the caves, it'd be odd if they weren't using art to their advantage. Painting with blood is not at all uncommon with them. You can't change my mind x)

♡ Befriending the remorseful heretic is inevitable. Unlike the rest, he is competent. He expresses his emotions, yet has no tongue. He is an example of this corruption. And you can't help but feel fear. He doesn't want you to experience this, yet he dies, and Val has a strange distaste for when you traverse to the lower parts of the mines. You wonder why? [The document is called The Atheist in case the image I linked isn't clear enough/you can't read it <3]

♡ It's very likely you've read the journals. Their decline into madness. Will this happen to you? Most likely. But you can't help but wonder, would Val have treated you like this before the downfall of this society? Or would they be human? You wish you could see it.

If you've brought them with you, I don't think they'd care lol. Unless, of course, you brought pieces of Knoth's gospel. They'd simply laugh at Knoth's idiocy and burn every piece.

♡ Val is very unpredictable. Their face exposes little to no emotion sometimes and it leaves you on edge quite a lot.

♡ Their relationship with you is even more interesting if you're in the New Testament. Love-Hate relationship. You hate them? Oh? Enemies to lovers?

1+ angst if you were lovers or close friends beforehand.

⚘ ————————————————————————————————⚘

The pain in your palms still throbs with pain, raw and angry; your body hates you for this. For the running, the screaming, the climbing. The flashbacks.

You hate the flashbacks. Like body, like mind you hate the reminders of your past.

But right now you'd kill to have one. To rid of this moment.

❝You've been through glorious Hell and back, isn't that right, my love?❞ The serpent, known to you as Val merely smirks at your pain as they lightly trail their fingers around the holes in your hands. Newfound Christ.

❝This land has been unkind to you. Unfortunate.❞ Their bony pointer finger lightly grazes the origins of your pain and you inhale, afraid of what they'll do.

But they merely chuckle and take your hand into theirs, gently. Uncharacteristic.

❝You shall worry no more about the Father's bullshit and his poor excuse of a following.❞ Val licks their lips, staring into your eyes with cold blue ones, and you wonder if this was a sad attempt at trying to ease your anxiety.

You pray as Val prods and picks and bandages you in places you didn't know you were injured, but you know God would rather sip his whiskey and grin at your displeasure.

May he have mercy.

⚘ ——————————————FIN——————————————⚘

[raidengaile]

who am i? no- who are they?

SUMMARY: after you got stabbed and died in the hands of an unknown person, you were reincarnated into your favorite video game! but something wasn't right.

FEATURING: villain!au and imposter!au (based on this post)

WARNINGS: mentions of violence, curses, death

NOTE: this was a pretty dumb idea i know. and i wrote this at like 11:15 pm so maybe this will stay in my docs.

you felt the heat of the sun warming up your body as you felt an itchy feeling everywhere. you forced open your eyes just to see a beautiful scenery—the sun, the blue sky, the clouds and the birds flying freely.

you look left and right to check your surroundings and you know that you're not on earth, considering the huge grassy lands and mountains that you can still see from afar.

‘well this is familiar’ you thought, as you slowly stood up, anxiousness starting to build up in your body.

‘man…’

you checked your surroundings again, not ignoring every single detail.

‘maybe i wrote too much fanfictions.’

you nodded. trying to focus on your memories and everything that you did before you got here.

‘i got stabbed. understandable. don't- don't panic.’

inhale… exhale…

‘grass, camps, campfires, trees, apples- a, b, c, d-’

that was when realization hit you. you got reincarnated- no maybe, teleported? you can't recall anything about getting stabbed—in fact, you were about to get stabbed when everything went dark and you woke up in this place.

‘damn. did i faint when i was about to die? that's pretty weak.’ you insulted yourself, chuckling at your own weakness. “wow i can hear heavy footsteps” you muttered, still out of your mind.

‘wait- footsteps?’

you looked behind and saw something with a shield running at you, ready to crush you with it. ‘oh wow. is that death waving at me?’

…?!

‘wait no shit- i'm gonna die-!’

you ran away in the opposite direction, not even worrying about your stamina. ‘goddammit why the heck do i hear boss music?!’ joking about the situation made you less scared and nervous, but still running miles just to get away from the unknown danger.

after all that running, you found yourself near a very large tree. you looked at the surrounding landscape. you know that you're right. you're in the game you played years ago—heck, you even made fanfictions about it.

it was pretty famous back then. you sighed, smiling at the old memories. you sat down as you tried to stop yourself from crying. is it because of anxiousness? fear? or something that you can't explain? yes. it's number 3. you don't know how to explain this feeling, but you've felt it multiple times.

“hah…i wonder what's gonna happen-” you heard footsteps, again. you quickly looked at where the sound was coming from. it was you. laughing with the other familiar characters.

you looked down and checked your body, from toe to head—and then looked at the other you.

‘if this is me, then who are they?’

© raidengaile 2021. do not repost, copy, translate or claim my works.

taglist: @white-like-dis @xienn @uchihaeirin @chibikiibielle (send an ask to get tagged)

special tags: @willowedwisteria

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Jungwon SFW Alphabet

Mellow speaks: So I got quite a few requests for the alphabet (some SFW and some NSFW), and here I am with the first one of the series. I remember someone had requested this, but I'm so sorry I don't remember who you are and so I couldn't tag you. If you read this though, do lemme know if you liked it! PS. I went for Jungwon since I've written quite a lot of Jay stuff recently, so I hope you don't mind!

A = Affection

(How affectionate are they? How do they show it?)

Jungwon definitely is one to readily show affection. He loves being at the receiving end, but will be equally glad to give you tight hugs and kisses on the cheek. He seems to be the type to be big on cuddles, and would just like to plop himself down on you if he ever sees you lying down, on the sofa, on the bed, it doesn't matter to him as long as he can hold you close. He would also be the type to randomly come up behind you, giving you a back hug as you cook or do your work. He's already babied a lot by the boys, so expect them to want to be the mature one in your relationship every now and then (though he absolutely adores being babied by you as well). Keep your head on his shoulder, snuggle your face into his chest, and he'll be on cloud nine.

B = Best Friend

(What are they like as a best friend? How does the friendship start?)

He was quite shy when he first met you, but at the same time, he was definitely intrigued by you and wanted to get to know you more. If you take initiative and talk to him first though, he'll come out of his shell pretty quick, and soon enough, it'll be impossible to shut him up. In no time, the both of you are swapping secrets, coming up with inside jokes, and pranking the members, and while he may or may not have a crush on you, he's a teensy bit scared to admit it, for fear of ruining your friendship.

C = Comfort

(How do they help their partner when they’re down? How do they help with a panic attack?)

Even though he might be new to this stuff, Jungwon always tries to do his best to comfort you when you're upset. He's pretty perceptive when it comes to emotions, so it's not a surprise that he notices rather quickly when you're down. He'll just hold you for as long as you want, urging you to do whatever it is you feel like doing. You want to cry? His T-shirt is all yours. You want to rant? He's all ears. You want advice? He's got his opinion ready. Whatever it is you need him to do, he'll try to do it, just so he can see you smile again.

Panic attacks are a different story though. The first few times, he wasn't quite sure what to do, but soon enough, he becomes an expert at handling your panic attacks. He'll do his best to distract you from reeling, and will hold you to his chest as he urges you to take deep breaths, gripping your hand as he tries to calm you down.

D = Domestic

(Do they want to settle down? How are they with cooking and cleaning?)

Since he's still young, I feel like the thought of settling down won't even cross his mind until a lot later. But that doesn't mean he doesn't see himself settling down one day. Marriage or no marriage, he likes the idea of having a home with his s/o, and waking up with the same person every day. If you decide to stick around till then, he would be more than happy to settle down with you.

He's not great at chores, but he's willing to learn with you. If you do decide to teach him, expect a ton of questions, because he just wants to do his best to impress you.

E = Ending

(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Jungwon would hate the idea of ever having to break up with you, not wanting to hurt you in the least. But if things don't seem to work out, then he won't hold you back. Even if he has to break up with you, he will want only good things for you, and it would break his heart to see you cry as he ends things with you. If he's the one calling it quits, expect a lot of tears and apologies, as he tries to calm you down and take all the blame.

After walking away, he would miss every little thing about you, even if he was the one who broke up with you. But over time, he slowly overcomes his grief, and learns to live his life.

F = Fiancé

(How do they feel about commitment? How quickly do they want to get married?)

As I said, the idea of marriage would not even cross his mind until he's older. He would be open to the idea of commitment, and would be fascinated with the prospect of spending the rest of his life with a single person. But at the same time, he would want to become more mature and emotionally strong before he fully commits himself to it. Once he does find himself in that frame, however, he'll begin to realize that the idea of getting married isn't as foreign as he thought it would be.

G = Gentle

(How gentle are they, physically and emotionally?)

Jungwon is extremely gentle with you, in part because he doesn't want to do anything wrong or to hurt you unintentionally. His touches are soft, and he takes every care to ensure that doesn't harm you in any way. Yeah, his hugs can be too tight sometimes, but that's because he missed you (and perhaps also because of his martial arts instincts). But he would never lay a finger on you on purpose, he's a gentleman that way.

Speaking of emotionally, he is quick to catch onto your moods, and knows when to tread lightly. He is always ready to be your shoulder to cry on, and never once does he show any annoyance. He wants you to know he's there for you, and puts in a conscious effort to not come across as mean or rude. He picks his words well, and yet, always knows just what to say to make you feel better. His words exude the warmth, care and love he holds for you, and it would totally shatter him if he were to ever be the cause of your pain.

H = Hugs

(Do they like hugs? How often? What are their hugs like?)

Jungwon is a total sucker for hugs. He loves all kinds, but his personal favorite have got to be back hugs. He just adores the idea of being clingy and sticking to you like gum as you go about doing your chores. His hugs are super warm, as he nuzzles his face in your neck, holding you close. He also loves, no needs, to have his arms around your waist as you cuddle him in bed. He usually prefers having you face him as you place your head on his chest, but if you don't want that, then he's also down for being the big (or occasionally small) spoon.

I = I love you

(How fast do they say the L-word?)

He would realize fairly quickly that he's in love with you, but would be shy to admit it, knowing full well just how much that single phrase can mean. He won't be able to keep it in for long, however, letting an "I love you" slip out his mouth. He seems to be the type to confess when you do something nice for him. Nothing too grand though. Bring him food at dance practice, or send him little messages reminding him to take care of himself, and he won't be able to keep himself from saying it.

J = Jealousy

(How jealous do they get? What do they do?)

Frankly speaking, Jungwon can get jealous quite easily. The moment he starts feeling you are giving more attention to someone else, he'll get all pouty and sad. But his jealousy doesn't stem from his doubts about your loyalty, since he's absolutely convinced you love him just as much as he loves you (and you do). Instead, the sole reason for him being upset is his constant need for your attention, something he doesn't like sharing. As such, expect him to be jealous of pretty much anything or anyone. Puppies, babies, your favorite actor/book character, his group members, anything that he considers to be a threat to him getting your attention.

But since he gets all pouty and sulky whenever something like this happens, you catch on to his mood quite often. He won't be able to stay mad for long though. Just give him a couple kisses, and he'll be back to being your cheerful boy.

K = Kisses

(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they prefer to be kissed?)

Kisses with Jungwon are super sweet and super fun. He loves kissing you on the cheek, and he loves to be kissed on the nose or on the cheek too. Whenever he presses a kiss to your skin, you can practically feel his lips curling up into a smile, as he proceeds to turn into a giggling mess after pulling away. You are no better, and every single time the two of you catch the other's lips in a kiss, it's bound equal parts goofy and sweet.

L = Little Ones

(How are they around children?)

Since he's so used to being babied, expect Jungwon to go into his competitive mode any time he's with kids. If you like playing with children, then he'll do everything in his power to ensure that he continues to be your favorite kid. But that doesn't make him mean towards the children. He loves playing with them, and can go on making them happy for hours on end.

M = Morning

(What are mornings with them like?)

Mornings are usually hectic, since the both of you have to leave for work. But when you have days off, expect him to not want to get out of bed at all, keeping his arm firmly around your waist as you cuddle him, talking about anything and everything. You love mornings like this, waking up and falling back to sleep as you please, staying in till you feel your stomach grumbling, and just soaking in each other's embrace.

N = Night

(What are nights with them like?)

Night finds Jungwon coming home, completely exhausted from dance practice. But he never fails to ask you about your day, throwing a soft smile your way. His night routine is fairly simple, just freshening up before he crashes into bed. But if he's hungry, he drags you to the dining table with you, eating while swapping stories with you about your day. As soon as he crawls into bed with you, his arm is thrown around your waist as he pulls you closer. Falling asleep, of course, is not an option till you've spent at least an hour talking. You often just cuddle on the couch, watching a movie, and end up falling asleep midway through it.

O = Open

(When would they start revealing things about themselves?)

As I said before, Jungwon was pretty shy when he first met you. But once you got him to talk to you, his quirks started making themselves known quite easily, one thing at a time. Pretty soon, you had learnt of his love for Maeum, and his tendency to love being patted on the head. This is something that continues throughout your relationship as well, with the only thing that changes being the relative intimacy of the quirks. And so, you soon learn that your boyfriend is a sucker for back hugs and nose kisses.

P = Patience

(How easily angered are they?)

Jungwon is pretty good at keeping his anger in check, even under pressure. And that reflects in your relationship with him too, as he manages to keep his calm even when things don't go smoothly. Sure, he exists to call you out in a playful manner when you're being annoying or when you mess something up, but full-on fights are a rarity. And he intends to keep it that way.

Q = Quizzes

(How much do they remember about their partner?)

He makes it a point to remember everything about you, however big or small. He is naturally very inquisitive, and since he wants to get to know you better, expect a lot of random questions being thrown your way, the answers to many of which even you won't know. He however, does his best to keep track of every important thing, and his idea of what is "important" is pretty simple too. If it's related to you, it's important to him. He does forget an occasional trivia, but you're there to help him remember.

R = Remember

(What is their favourite moment in their relationship?)

Jungwon makes sure to cherish every second he has with you. But his favorite have to be those stolen moments under the duvet, your hands intertwined together as you talk about whatever comes to mind. He just loves watching your soft smile and sparkling eyes as you tell him about a new book you read, or a new place you went to, or a new friend you made. But that doesn't mean he doesn't like the silence. He loves how comfortable the both of you can be, without the need to talk, and just basking in each other's presence.

S = Security

(How protective are they? How do they protect their partner? How do they like to be protected?)

Jungwon is protective in the sense that he doesn't want you getting hurt, ever. But he's not the overprotective kind, and he knows you get to have friends and a life outside your relationship. He doesn't get jealous much, apart from the pouty-sulky behavior which is more cute than upsetting. At the same time, he's pretty capable of protecting you should need be. A creep bothering you? Consider him done since our boy here is an expert in martial arts.

On the other hand, if he's the one in need of being protected, then he'd rather you use your quick thinking to get him out of any messy situation. He doesn't want you to get hurt, but would love to know he can rely on your mind to save his ass.

T = Try

(How much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries and every-day tasks?)

Being a leader, Jungwon has an inherent tendency to always want to do his best, and that reflects in your relationship as well. Even though he doesn't have much experience and may still be clueless about a lot of stuff, that doesn't stop him from wanting to treat you like you deserve to be treated. He's always one of remember important dates, and would never bail on any plan the two of you make together. If he knows he won't be able to make it, he'd rather tell you straight away, than to keep you hanging.

U = Ugly

(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Jungwon has grown out his socially-awkward phase and opens up to people much more. But one thing you often find yourself scolding him for is his constant urge to giggle during serious things. He’s landed himself in trouble for it more than once, and you've taken it upon yourself to get him to appear just as serious as he actually is.

V = Vanity

(How concerned are they with their looks?)

Being an idol, Jungwon needs to take care of his skin. But that doesn't mean you always see him wearing tons of make-up or putting on one face mask or another. Sure, he knows he needs to protect his skin and keep it shining, but you often find him bursting a pimple or getting a rash, especially since he's still growing.

W = Wedding

(What will your wedding be like? Who will be invited?)

Jungwon seems like the type to want to have a wedding out in the open, and you can be almost certain that it'll be a destination wedding. He's not one to care much for color schemes and dress codes, so he'll leave that choice up to you. Whatever you come up with, he'll simply go along without a question.

But don't take this for nonchalance, as he's just as jittery and just as excited as you are. Perhaps even more, because he realizes what a huge responsibility he has signed up for taking on. But his natural instincts as a leader help him remain calm through it, in part because he doesn't want you to panic.

There won't be too many people at the wedding, just close friends (including Enhypen) and family. It's an intimate and special event, and he wants to share it just with the people he's closest to.

X = Xtra

(A random head cannon for them)

He would never admit it, but he absolutely loves it when you ruffle his hair. You often find your hands making their way to his silky mane, and while he whines and complains about how you're ruining his hairstyle, he loves having your fingers entangled in his locks. He especially likes it when you rake your fingers through his hair as he rests his head against your chest or on your lap. It helps him calm down.

Y = Yuck

(What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)

Jungwon would need someone who has faith in him, someone who wouldn’t question his abilities. He will never be with someone who doesn't find him capable of doing something, and will not tolerate anyone trying to belittle him.

Z = Zzz

(What is a sleeping habit of theirs?)

Cuddles while sleeping are a must, and he needs to be holding you one way or another. His most preferred way is to have you face him as his hands rest on your waist, but he's also down for being the big spoon (or occasionally the smaller spoon).

[ateezyuri]

a to z with . . . yuri !

a is for ... “ATINY are the prettiest and most loveliest people in the world...i love you more than my cats!”

b is for ... “BITCH, you better be joking.” “never quote euphoria again.”

c is for ... “CATS are forever superior. i don’t care if leo keeps knocking your stuff down! he does it to show his love! hONGJOONG DO NOT THREATEN MY CHILD!”

d is for ... “DUDE — i am just trying to summon good vibes, i am NOT trying to hex wooyoung...why would you say that?”

e is for ... “ENOUGH of this madness!! if i hear the ponytail song ONE more time, i will rip someone’s head off.”

f is for ... “FRIENDS who really love you will deal with you even if you are being the most annoying or most overdramatic person ever. ateez deals with me all the time — so i think that they are my best friends.”

g is for ... “GUYS, GUYS, GUYS! will you PLEASE stop trying to manhandle me? LET ME WIN PLEASE, WHEN HAVE I EVER WRONGED YOU?”

h is for ... “HONGJOONG said i wasn’t allowed to attempt to murder my members...but hongjoong isn’t here so you better choose your last words wisely!”

i is for ... “I’M DRUNK IN THE BACK OF THE CAR, AND I CRIED LIKE A BABY COMING HOME FROM THE BAR, SAID ‘I’M FINE’ BUT IT WASNT TRUE — I DONT WANNA KEEP SECERTS JUST TO KEEP YOU AND I SNUCK IN THROUGH THE GARDEN GATE EVERY NIGHT THAT SUMMER JUSTER TO SEAL MY FATE — AND I SCREAMED FOR WHATEVER IT’S WORTH — I LOVE YOU AINT THAT THE WORST THING YOUVE EVER HEARD?”

j is for ... “JOKES on you, i already cry myself to sleep every night — so your comment didnt mean shit to me!”

k is for ... “KILLING eve is one of the best t.v series ever. i would let eve and villanelle run me over and call it a day.” “YURI?!?” “I WAS JOKING!”

l is for ... “LETS be honest...i AM the hottest person in the room right now.”

m is for ... “MINT chocolate chip icecream is for hot people only — if you don’t like it then...sucks to suck i guess.”

n is for ... “NEVER thought i would say this...but wooyoung is right, for once.”

o is for ... “ORIGINALLY, i was going to tell jongho i loved him. but now it’s time to unlock phase two — blackmail him.” “YURI NO—"

p is for ... “PAIN. all i feel is pain.”

q is for ... “QUICK! spit in yunho’s drink! i’m not doing it — you can face his wrath, and if he asks, i had nothing to do with this.”

r is for ... “RESPECTFULLY fuck off if you dont like taylor swift, this is NOT a safe spot for taylor swift haters. end of discussion.”

s is for ... “SANNIE is just like a little kitten, he’ll come up to me, lean his head down and ask for head pets. somedays i just want to put him in a chokehold and give him all the loves.” “you mean a hug?” “yeah that too.”

t is for ... “TEEZERS? are you calling us teezers because we always spoil?” “you mean YOU always spoil?” “....what makes you say that?”

u is for ... “UNTIL you give me a valid reason on why i should not self sabotage tonight — i am going to do it. and telling me my therapist wouldnt be proud is NOT going to do it.”

v is for ... “VERY bold of you to assume i know how to do basic math — i got held back a year for a reason.”

w is for ... “WHENEVER i think i have it bad (living with boys), i remember others have it worse.” “who?” “lottie.”

x is for ... “XOXO, a mentally ill bitch.”

y is for ... “YUQI is my favorite person in the world, she’s my girl — she’s my best friend! i love her so so so much, i don’t know what i’d do without her.”

z is for ... “ZOOM in on hongjoong, doesn’t he look so cute right now?” “do you have a death wish?” “i’m not scared of no man, especially not joongje, LOOK HOW SOFT HE LOOKS!”

tags: @chaerincore @atzaria @softieteez @ateezjuliet @lunarxsun @m00niesk7 @filmyoongs @shinyddeonghwa

[nanagoswife]

1000 follower celebration!

Hey everyone! So, I have been so distracted to the point I just realized the blog is almost at 800 followers🤯 last time I checked, I had just been celebrating 400!

Anyways, I wanted to give you all a special thanks! This includes

1) finally completing the requests in my ask box

2) taking drabble requests for any of the characters listed on my pinned post and

3) I’ll add an ask alphabet for both fic related topics and just general get to know me topics. It’ll also be open to any questions you all just generally have!

I’ll keep all of this open for a while! I want to do a proper celebration with all of you and I’m so happy to see so many of you actually like what I write! So thank you!

The rest is under the cut

Ask Alphabet - Questions to ask me!

Note: some have different options so please specify which question or part you’d like me to answer! Thanks😊

A: Animal pictures - I’ll take a picture of one of my pets at that moment and post it

B: Which fic do you think is the best of the bunch you’ve written so far?

C: Characters - Who’s your favourite character outside of your fics? Or Which character would I choose if I could only have one favourite?

D: Dialogue - send me a line of dialogue and I’ll break down the scene for you or What’s my favourite line of dialogue I wrote?

E: What’s the colour of your eyes? (I may even take a picture to show)

F: Favourite fic I wrote or Favourite show

G: Games - Which ones do you play? or Which game is your favourite?

H: Heights - Do I like them?/ Do heights scare me?

I: Insights - Tell me a fic and I’ll give you a little insight about the whole thing or a certain part you want to know more about!

J: Tell me a joke and I’ll give my genuine response (probably in form of a gif)

K: Knives - Why am I so afraid of them?

L: Laughing - What always makes me laugh? or How easy is it to make me laugh?

M: I’ll give you a manga rec or What’s my favourite manga?

N: Night skies - Why am I so fascinated with them?

O: Send me something you’d like my opinion on.

P: Pirates - Do I like them?

Q: Quitting - Is there anything I’ve ever quit doing or writing?

R: Is there something repeated that I find I add into my fics?

S: I’ll tell you a secret whether it’s for a fic or one in my personal life

T: Tea - Do I drink it? or Do I have any tea to spill about a fic?

U: The fic I’m most unimpressed with

V: What factor in my writing varies depending on the story?

W: Why do I often add some form of a body of water in my fics?

X: How many x-rays have I had?

Y: Do you actually like Yarichin Bitch Club?😂

Z: Which Legend of Zelda game is your favourite? or Which Zelda song is your favourite?

Drabble Requests

See my pinned post for any conditions and what characters you can send requests for. Also, you are free to send in whatever drabbles you’d like but I’ll also add a prompt list of needed!

Prompt List - Touching Prompts | Meaningful Gestures by @promptful

Once again, I’d like to thank you all so much for this! I want to do a big celebration for this milestone with all of you as I probably won’t do another until I hit 1,000.

Most of all, I’d like to tag some people that I want to give a very special thanks to for always supporting me every step of the way!

@where-fantasy-meets-reality @stardancerluv @thereluctantherosrose @wickedscribbles @princessxkenobi @badbatch-simp24 @justanothersadperson93 @generousrunawaydonut @tommysparker @rentskenobi @imabeautifulbutterfly @purelyfiction @animalgirl05 @binanas @bellarkeselection @gabiszew

[seijoh-apologist]

stupidly in like with you | miya atsumu

pairing: post-timeskip!miya atsumu x f!reader word count: 14.6k (OOPS LMFAO) genre: friends to lovers, fluff, hurt(?)/comfort, and like a few too many pages of fluffy smut -- third person pov for the most part. NSFW. synopsis: Atsumu and Y/N are good friends, maybe feelings are involved but Y/N isn’t his type. OR Y/N and Atsumu are most definitely in like with each other but for whatever reason aren’t dating.

A/N: hi so this is my first “published” hq fic but like here is this thought that I had and haven’t been able to get it out of my head. it’s mostly edited thanks to my irl friend but bare with my run on sentences and (slightly excessive) use of profanity. any feedback would be appreciated b/c I have more thoughts for other characters and I'd love to share haha. 

To say Y/N was annoyed was an understatement.

Aching feet begged for relief, the sweat-soaked shirt, though cute, had begun to cling to that one fold in her side that made her the slightest bit hyper aware of the “stress weight” she swears she's put on during the holiday season. And the music was absolute shit, shuffling between mash-ups of the Top 100 trending songs and some weird EDM-Indie music that she would pay good money to never hear again.

To put it plainly, she was not in the mood to be out of her home, much less celebrate. But she had agreed to come out, never being able to say no to Sakusa, who silently pleaded with his eyes to take on “babysitting” responsibilities of his teammates for tonight. He had paid for her dinner several times before tonight, claiming that she should save her money - “you should spend your money on getting a better mattress, so we don’t have to hear you complain about it anymore.” - the least she could do was give him a night to himself, away from the chaos that was the rest of the MSBY team.

Besides, it's not like she was asked to stalk them or anything - they were friends after all, so really it was just like she was tagging along for a night of club hopping, taking shots that she didn’t have to pay for, and simply people watching in between trips to the dancefloor. And normally, she’d be enjoying the night - it's just that of all nights to come out and celebrate, it had to be at the end of one of the most stress-inducing, aggravating weeks of her young adult life.

Checking that it was well after one in the morning, she sipped water from her straw, swivelling to face the crowd from her (stolen) seat at the bar, in hopes of catching the attention of someone in her party that could get the hint that they should probably get ready to go. What she did not expect to find, however, was Atsumu, flitting his eyes away from her figure as he leaned down to talk to a pair of girls. It could just be a friendly gesture, asking him if he was who they think he was and him responding but it sent a less than pleasant feeling in her stomach, so she swiveled back, reaching for her phone in the back pocket of her suddenly too tight pants.

“Fuck me,” she huffs out upon seeing that her phone battery has fallen to thirty percent, which would be just delightful when it would be time to call the ubers home. She could now rule out aimlessly scrolling through Twitter for the rest of the night while waiting for her friends.

“Uh.. maybe slip in a ‘please’ and I’m yours.”

Y/N’s eyes all but bugged out her head at the response that came from her left. The voice belongs to a guy, a very cute guy. The kind of cute guy that you see on Instagram explore page before it refreshes so the chances of seeing him again are nonexistent.She sputters out a delayed apology, double-time since she realized that she’s now taken a little too long to respond to him, to which he laughs and shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it. I should be apologizing for interrupting you, it's just.... You looked a little lonely over here. Mind if I sit with you?”

“Seat’s all yours... but you’re on your own if those people from before come back to reclaim them.” She hums, sliding her phone back into her pocket and shifting her legs slightly in the direction of his seat.

“Scared of a little fight?” He hums, arching a brow before taking a swig of his beer. He has nice hands. Y/N muses to herself as she watches the stranger’s fingers flex slightly around the neck of his beer bottle. She’s always of the mind that a person’s hands say a lot about them.

“Mmm no… just too tired to defend myself, much less a random stranger.” He laughs at that, nodding his head before replying that “most pretty girls don’t openly say they can fight.”

“Oh you’re cheesy, aren’t you? Nobody straight up tells a girl they’re pretty for no real reason.”

“Actually,” Shifting his beer bottle onto the bar, he holds out his hand to her. “My name is not cheesy, it’s -”

“Y/N! There you are!”

The call of her name makes her jump slightly, before she feels the familiar warmth of a hand on her back. The same hand worms its way to her hip, fingers slipping into that soft fold just above her pants, the warmth of his next words being felt just above her ear.  “Where the hell’ve ya been? Was lookin’ all over the place for ya, Bo and Shoyo were worried ya left without us!”

“Been right here, idiot. We lost our original seats so I’d figure you’d come to the bar at some point and I could’ve waved you down.” She shifts slightly, turning her shoulder back towards the cute stranger with an apologetic look in her eye, to which he smiles and opens his mouth to respond until Atsumu cuts him off again, his hand gripping the back of her neck to make her give him her total attention.

“Right well I’m starving - let's get outta here. Kinda craving your infamous drunk noodles, or maybe a McDonald’s on the way home, yeah?”

Y/N nods slightly, turning back towards the stranger to see that he’s already slinking back into the crowd. Once she fully loses him, she shoves her elbow into the blonde’s side, telling him to “shut it” when he throws out a huff of pain.

“Thank you, ‘Tsumu… could’ve had a different ride home but nooooo.. Needed to come in here with all your glory talking about you being starving despite the fact that you can afford a personal chef.” She huffs out and slides off her stool, but he’s not listening. Instead he’s holding her by the shoulders and pushing her through the crowd, excusing the two of them as she continues to rant and rave at him. Once outside, the pair are joined with the rest of the party, who have called a few separate ubers home. “And to top it off, I know you’re not even listening right now - you never listen to me, Miya. I don’t know how your teammates put up with you… how do you put up with this shit, hmm?”

The group of teammates laugh softly and shake their heads, giving answers that “they get paid” to put up with him, and that Miya Atsumu is actually “a decent friend,” a fact that she knows is true but chooses to ignore when convenient for her. Atsumu just shakes his head with a roll of his eyes, pulling her into the direction of their uber for their journey back to his place. She greets the driver and settles into her seat, as Atsumu calls out behind him something or other to someone. The slam of the door and clicking of seatbelts is what fills the silence in the car, music softly playing from the rear speakers, as Atsumu leans his head back against the headrest.

“So I take it yer coming to stay with me for tonight?”

“Hmm.. don’t have much of a choice now, do I?” She teases to which Atsumu slightly pouts, reaching to knuckle at his eyes that suddenly feel a little too heavy. “You owe me the biggest breakfast fathomable tomorrow.”

“Why’s it that I owe you when I paid for your dinner before going out, paid for your drinks tonight, and am letting you sleep in my bed - which is infinitely better than your cheap ass - hey!” He begins his ranting, which would be cut off by a sturdy flick to the forehead and a slight “hush” before he feels her head rest up on his shoulder.

Y/N and Atsumu had been friends for a little while, when she chased him down the middle of the road, claiming to the public that he was a thief, just because he’d grabbed the wrong umbrella on the way out of the restaurant they were both eating in. He’d tried to apologize, but she traded umbrellas and walked back towards the direction of the restaurant. He had chalked it up to nothing really, just a slight mistake and minor inconvenience for the girl. At least until a certain teammate’s birthday dinner, where said stranger was- only this time sitting and chatting with Sakusa Kiyoomi as if they’d been best friends for forever (which in all fairness, Y/N and Kiyoomi had only been friends since college, where they were forced into a friendship by their roommates, who were hooking up with each other and forced the two on double dates). This second meeting was a sign to Atsumu, a sign that for whatever reason this girl was supposed to be in his life, in some capacity or another - but he did royally fuck it up a second time by trying to flirt with Y/N, who laughed and asked if his opening line was really the best he’d had, before hitting him with an opening line that still makes him flush when he thinks about it today.

The ride to Atsumu’s home isn’t long, but it's long enough for the tiredness to seep into Y/N’s bones, who barely misses the quiet way that Atsumu’s fingers have taken home at the base of her neck, massaging gently at the tenseness he feels under the pads of his fingers.

“Someone’s tired… why didn’t you stay home?” He asks as they turn onto his street, letting his fingers fall away from her as he begins to check that they have everything they need. ”’t’s a good thing yer sleeping over at mine... and no couch for you. Your neck is all kinds of tense. It's a miracle you haven’t complained ‘bout it once tonight.”

“Shh.. you’re so loud for what?” She mumbles while trying to stifle a yawn. “So if I’m not supposed to sleep on the couch then where am I supposed to sleep then, boy genius? The floor?”

“No,” Atsumu answers seriously, brow slightly wrinkled as he reaches for his keys in his pocket. “You’ll sleep with me. In my bed. ‘t’s a cooling mattress so you won’t haffta complain that yer too hot.”

“Miya, last time I slept in a bed with you, you nearly suffocated me. Dunno if I really wanna have to deal with trying to roll you onto your back again.”

“Wait a minute! To be fair, my bed was smaller then so there was less room for the both of us.” He begins, opening the door and shutting it before turning the two of them towards the entrance to his apartment building. “Second of all, it was my first time sharing a bed with someone other than ‘Samu so ya shouldn’t blame me for not having proper sleep manners.”

The first steps into Atsumu’s home consists of the pair kicking off their shoes, debating lightly on who was gonna take over the shower first. Y/N slides her feet into the slippers that are specifically her slippers in his home and slinks off towards the kitchen, as Atsumu peels off his shirt and heads towards the shower. It feels comfortable, almost like a routine, as Y/N gathers eggs and two noodle packets to make them a small meal before bed. Moments later, Atsumu is coming out of the shower, towelling off his hair before settling onto the sofa, clicking on the T.V. as Y/N comes in with the two bowls of noodles. A silent agreement is met when they finish that Atsumu would wash the dishes as Y/N showered, taking a shirt from his drawers to sleep in

She hands him a bottle of aspirin, mumbling around the toothbrush to “take two or so help me.” Moments later she joins him in bed, slipping on a pair of socks that are two sizes too big for her before settling under the plush fabric of his comforter. He shifts over closer to her after tossing his phone on the nightstand, seeking out her form in the now dim room for a small cuddle before dozing off. She willingly accepts him too, sliding her body just under his and buries her face in his skin, still warm from the too-hot shower he is prone to taking in the name of muscle relaxation. He hums slightly as their feet tangle together, silently appreciating the way Y/N so freely indulges his need to touch someone after being touch-starved for so long.

Though Y/N isn’t much like him in that sense - doesn’t have this inherent need to cling to someone before bed, or just hold hands at a store, or hands on the shoulder in a crowded room. Sometimes she will, like now with her nose buried in his neck and her hand rubbing up and down the length of his sturdy back. Normally they won’t do this, both just a little too headstrong to dig into the tightening in their chests when the hug for a moment longer than usual; but tonight Y/N is silently congratulating him on winning the game that has had him stressed for weeks. She feels his lips press softly to the top of her head, a mumble of “good night” leaving his lips as she feels his breaths even out as the moments pass.

This is where Y/N wishes she had the power to pull away - blames moments like this on giving her the slightest bit of hope that they could be more than friends.

It's not that she hadn’t thought about it - frankly she’d spent too much time thinking about it. She could do this… with him.. But every thought is put to bed when she thinks back on this one conversation months ago. Granted she didn’t have the full context of the conversation but it's enough to make her heart squeeze when she sees Atsumu flirt with someone, or shake off his hand when she’s had a particularly sensitive day.

It was just another evening where hanging out after him and the rest of the team being away for a week. They’d ordered in food and drinks had been flowing nicely as the comfortable pair had caught up - it was honestly too homey of a setting in hindsight. His phone rang, the white text of “‘Samu” flashed and Y/N took that as a cue to finally get to the restroom.

“Mhm.. made it back early today - no Y/N picked me up.” He’d been mumbling around a handful of chips, the other side of the conversation mute to Y/N’s eavesdropping.. “Oh shut up, she doesn’t mind and it's not as if we’re dating anyway. It’s.. casual and it works for us.”

And she should’ve stepped into her place next to him, cuddled up into her chest and played the role of the blissfully ignorant idiot. But no, she stayed tucked behind the restroom door, blood pumping and heart beating too loud in her ears. It would seem as though Y/N was a glutton for punishment, a minor thing when thinking about putting herself through a moment of pain for a lifetime of pleasure - but the pain that came with Miya Atsumu’s next words would set her off kilter for a while.

“Besides, she’s not really my type. It’d never work out anyway.”

She had no choice really other than to shut the door. Take some extra time in the restroom than necessary - after all she’d just hear the potential love of her life admit to his twin brother that she wasn’t his type. All she could do really was stare at herself in the stupidly bright mirror in his stupid guest bathroom of his stupidly expensive apartment.  God this is so stupid, she thinks to herself while running cold water to press against her cheeks that she feels are heated up. Before she can really tear her own heart to bits though, she hears a quick rapt on the door.

“Y/N ya’right in there? Warned y’bout putting too much hot sauce on your food.”

But that’d been two years ago. It was a little rough after that; Y/N had thrown herself into finding a life post-grad which was a great distraction from the rumors going around that Atsumu had been spotted with some model or actress or something. Besides, Y/N wasn’t really the type to harp on failed romantic interests - all she’d need to do is download whatever relevant dating app for some validation and she’d be able to move on. However nights like tonight, when he looked too good and the little moment was a little too right - she’d still hope. Make a wish to whatever angle number or shooting star or deity above that she’d get tossed a chance to be in love with the stupid setter, because she had already fallen.

“Mm y’right?” She heard him, how could she not when he’s practically suffocating her. She chooses not to answer though, humming affirmatively - to which he huffs and shifts slightly, settling back into unconsciousness.

Maybe she’d blame the train of thoughts for tonight on the fact that she’d been drinking. However, come morning, the seed would bloom a little brighter in her chest when she wakes up to realize that her face is pressed into his side, arms circling his slim waist and one sock lost among their tangled legs.

---

God she hated him. Miya Atsumu was too much of a lot of things - too much of a sore winner, too much of an idiot, too much of a talker, and most of all, too much of a liar.

For the second time in the span of a month, Atsumu had convinced her to come out, despite her desperately wanting to curl up in bed and binge eat away the stress of the week. Only this time it was a charity event, so she would definitely be the bad guy if she said no. It was an event where him and the rest of his team had been roped into a charity dinner - which (gratefully) meant that Sakusa would be around, and they could fuck off to a corner someplace to talk shit about what all the rich wives are wearing and how bad it looks when their husbands are flirting with the wait staff. But Atsumu had promised that they’d leave before the entree was served - swore the entire drive over that “we’ll get you back home in time, grandma” and that he’d even cook for her this time.

But the entree had been whisked off about forty minutes ago, her wine glass had been refilled twice, and she was bored of watching Sakusa look at his watch, waiting for an appropriate time to leave. Atsumu was a few tables away, chatting up some couple, something about wanting to get their information for Osamu’s business. He would laugh a little too loudly at their jokes, gaining attention of those at surrounding tables - which was only mildly irritating as he had now gathered a crowd of people around him, spewing off some story about him getting lost in Russia the first time they played overseas.

She huffs and stands up, chair scraping slightly, gaining the attention of the rest of the  table. All she does is hold up her wine glass in a feeble attempt at an answer of where she’d be waiting at the bar. If I have to be here, the least I could do is drink for free. The bar is empty, surprisingly no one wants to mope around this very nice dinner.

“What can I get you?”

“Mmm.. whiskey highball, please.” She answers to the unnecessarily cute bartender, but the raise of his eyebrows do not go unnoticed.  And fortunately (or unfortunately) she’s got the time to press him. “Surprised?”

“Only a little bit. Noticed you were drinking wine most of the night so the whiskey is a hard switch.”

“So you’ve been watching me?” She muses, smiling as he places the drink in front of her. He smiles and leans forward on the bar slightly, shaking his head and replying.

“It’s almost as if… I’m being paid to make sure people have their drinks.”

“Oh, so it's not because I’m cute?”

“Now I didn’t say that did I? But you know you’re gorgeous; your boyfriend over there must tell you all the time.” He muses, a smirk playing at his lips as he nods behind her. She all but chokes on her drink when she turns around and sees that the direction he nodded in was directly in Atsumu’s vicinity before shaking her head violently. Atsumu was not going to ruin this for her. “Oh so not your boyfriend?”

“Nope.” She says, popping the ‘p’ as she slips the straw past her lips again, eyes taking in his leaning form. He was cute. His hair was on the silver side of blond, tips of his hair black. He was tall and lean, a piercing hanging from his left ear.

“That’s a shame.” And she gives him her name with a flutter of her lashes and a sweet smile. He returns it, preparing her next drink without her even having to ask. And so they talk, first about how the next person who approaches the bar should be cut off, to how pretentious the whole event was. Two drinks in, Y/N finds herself being invited to a show.

“This whole bartending thing is just a way for me to get some extra cash… I’ve got a gig in an hour. I figured if we leave together now, I can get you home to change outta this and into something a little more… concert fitting?”

“O-Oh.. yeah. I just need to go let my friend know…” She trails off, sliding off her barstool before turning to gracefully power walking to her initial seat next to Sakusa. She huffs and she plots herself down in the char next to him, to which he gives her a look of what the fuck. “I don’t have time to catch you up, but the insanely hot bartender is taking me home. As much as I’d love to get out of here with you, I desperately need to get lai-”

“Going somewhere?” Fuck fuck fuck.

“Didn’t you hear her? The hot bartender is taking her home and she needs -”

“Aishhhh shut up.” She turns to look at her curly haired friend, only to see that he’s got this annoying little smile on his face. She deeply exhales and turns back to Atsumu, who looks less than amused about what his friend said. “Listen, you promised me we’d leave two hours ago. Well you lied so nooow I made plans, so if you would kindly move outta my way.”

“No.” She whips her head up at the blonde. No? What the absolute fuck was he going on about telling her no, despite her not asking for his permission. “You’ve been drinking and you don’t even know the guy - how can you trust that he won’t memorize your address then come rob you or something? I promised to take you home, and since you’re ready now we can leave now.”

“Listen Miya, I appreciate the concern but really I’m a big girl. I can handle a night out by myself with a guy - besides I’m not even that drunk. Now, give me my house keys and move out of my way.”

Suddenly, it's like those cheesy western movies where two cowboys are staring each other down, neither willing to be put down by the other. Except it's this 6’2” pro-athlete staring quite literally down at Y/N, who hits the gym only on a blue moon and spends too much time sitting at a desk. Sakusa has to laugh at the two stubborn idiots in front of him; he knows that Atsumu is going to be able to win this little game that they're playing, but silently applauds Y/N for attempting to stick it to him. Moments pass before Atsumu finally sighs, shoving his hands in the pockets of his expensive suit and pulling out her keys - but he doesn’t give them to her.

“What’s his name? If you can tell me his name I’ll give you your keys and let you go.”

“Let me go? Okay, Dad.” She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest, small clutch dangling from her wrist. “I know his name, Atsumu. I may have had a drink or two but I’m not an idiot to be going off with someone who’s name I don’t even know... it’s… uhm.” And she’s done. She hadn’t even bothered to ask his name, doesn’t even remember whether she gave him hers, nor was she smart enough to notice whether he’d been wearing a name tag.  Mentally she’s cursing herself, chancing a glance behind Atsumu’s shoulder to see the hot bartender chatting it up with another girl. Before she can think too much into it, Atsumu sighs deeply, grabbing his suit jacket off the chair next to her and slipping it on his shoulders, a soft “let’s go” leaving his lips as he nods his good-bye to the rest of the table. Y/N chews at the inside of her cheek before grabbing his arm.

“Give me my keys. I’m not going home with you. I want to be alone.”

---

Four days passed - four days of Atsumu borderline harassing Y/N with apologies. Promising to make it up to her. Which is how she finds herself walking into their favorite local sushi restaurant - it's the only one that has self-serving sushi that arrives on a miniature train, and it's also the only place that they go when apologies are to be exchanged. In the handful of years that they’d be friends, Y/N has needed to apologize to Atsumu thrice - two for blowing him off after overhearing the dreaded words and once for saying that maybe Osamu was the better twin. Atsumu on the other hand, had apologized to Y/N many times - so many times in fact that Y/N is sure that he makes up excuses just so they can come eat at this sushi place.

It’s been a long week for Y/N. The Sunday after the charity event, Y/N wakes up with one of the worst headaches of her life - and its due to the fact that she slept like shit hoping that Atsumu made it home safe since he hadn’t texted her he did. Monday she was handed a stack of documents at work that needed to get done before lunch (which didn’t get done). Tuesday morning was dominated by the fact that some idiot on the train to work had spilt a coffee on her, making her wear the most uncomfortable suit jacket, lest she wear a coffee soaked shirt for most of the day. Today, Wednesday, she’d woken up to a box with a pastry outside her door and a cup of coffee with a sticky note on the lid.

Sorry. Let me make it up to you. Train Sushi? 7pm?

Despite the fact that she was most definitely still thinking about why Atsumu acted the way he did - she still went through the mountain of paperwork on her desk with a little smile, knowing that she’d be getting free sushi and an apology. Maybe if she’s lucky, she can convince him that she needs a crepe on the way home.

As she makes her way into the restaurant that evening, she sees him. His dorito-shaped body is stationed at the bar, a cozy brown coat hugging his back, muscles of his arms being squeezed by the sleeves. She can see that he’s got a drink in front of him and she smiles slightly, stepping up towards the bar but stops momentarily. He’s talking to someone - not just someone, a girl. He’s smiling too. Y/N can’t see the stranger’s face, but judging by the way that she has a hand around his biceps and her head tilted, one can only assume that they know each other. Y/N attempts to step backwards, she wants to let him finish his conversation with the woman but she doesn’t know if she can stomach the idea of watching them flirt; but she misses the step, leading her to bump into the hostess who led her to the bar, creating a bit of a scene.

“Y/N! There you are! C’mere.”

She’s buying time by profusely apologizing to the hostess, who honestly is probably just trying to get away. At this point, Y/N has no choice but to walk towards her friend and this mystery woman. The ten steps towards the pair is enough time for Y/N to mentally list off all the things she could have done in the world to warrant some shitty karma that’s hitting her now. Once face to face with Atsumu, she smiles.

“Sorry - long day at work got me all …” Y/N’s words trail off, the hand that’s not death-gripping her purse waves off with her closing thoughts.

“Don’t mind, Wednesday’s are usually your long days. ‘Sides you’re here now - tha’s what matters.” God he’s so dumb. So handsome and so dumb, and god did she miss him. “It’s a good thing you got here a little late, this is Michimiya Yui. I think you two might’ve -”

“No, I don’t think we’ve met! It’s so nice to meet you - he used to talk about you all the time!” The brunette smiles at Y/N, sticking her hand out, which Y/N takes limply, shaking her hand. She’s pretty, Y/N thinks to herself. Her hair is short and she’s wearing some cute leather thigh high boots, her smile is almost paid-for perfect. She’s got this whole brown smoked out eyeliner working for her, which makes Y/N slightly subconscious about her most likely smudged and uneven eyeliner and less-than appealing work pants. Before Y/N can even think of a response to give, Michimiya has her hand back on Atsumu, a pretty smile settling on her lips. It feels like Y/N is watching a trainwreck happening before her eyes. “I was just telling Atsumu that I was back in town and that we should hang out!”

“And I was just explaining to her that I had plans with yo-”

“You should join us!” Idiot. Why am I such a fucking idiot? Atsumu looks over at Y/N with a wild look in his eyes, Michimiya looks like a child who wound up making out with two candies instead of one. “I had a super long day at work today so I’m really only able to eat dinner, but I know Atsumu can stay up for hours so once I leave you two can hang out.”

“Y/N, I thought that -”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea! I just need to tell the wait staff to cancel my to-go order, so excuse me.”

And so the two friends watch the woman walk away from them, making her way towards the to-go order area. Y/N bites at the inside of her cheek, intentionally avoiding Atsumu’s eyes that she feels are pinned on her. She digs out her phone from her purse, texting Sakusa an ominous “next time you see me, please poison me 😑.” As Y/N drags her eyes up Atsumu’s front, she feels the same way she did when she would get scolded by her parents. His eyes are staring at her face, no doubt wanting to press her about why she willingly invited a stranger to eat with them at their restaurant. To pacify him, all she does is hold up her hand, shaking her head.

“It’s fine, Miya. Like you said, Wednesday’s are my long days so I wouldn’t be able to stay out late with you anyway. Besides…” She starts, fixing a smile onto her face. “I think that she might have a little crush on you!” He says nothing, lips pressed in a hard line and a brow arched up at her. “Don’t look at me like that. And save your apology for next time… we have company.”

The rest of the evening goes exactly like Y/N’s worst nightmare. She is quite literally the third-wheel despite the fact that technically Michimiya was supposed to be the third wheel in this little scenario. Y/N has to watch the pretty brunette flirt relentlessly with Atsumu, who seems blissfully oblivious to the fact that for every compliment Michimiya gives Y/N, she gives herself two more. Sakusa is well informed on the situation, receiving texts every five minutes with another dumb thing that was said in front of Y/N’s appatizers. Rarely does someone ever wish for a natural disaster to hit, but in the last thirty minutes of sitting at this table, Y/N has wished for every biblical curse to wreak havoc in her way.

Despite the fact that Michimiya has hijacked every conversation, Atsumu still tries to ask Y/N about her, including her in the conversation as much as possible. But Y/N stopped trying twenty minutes ago, and is now forcing herself to eat the last few pieces of sushi she ordered - normally she’s a stress eater, but Michimiya has rested her hand on Atsumu’s thigh and Y/N has suddenly never felt more sick in her life. Y/N has never once picked up a tab around Atsumu - “please, ‘ve got more money than I know whatta do wit’it” he’d always tell her when she attempted to take up the ticket - but when they finally wave down someone and ask for the check, Y/N drops some cash on the table and collects her things.

“It’s been so nice to meet you, but I think I should really get going. I’ve gotta get to work early tomorrow - I’ll see you this weekend right, Miya?”

“Wait up, I’ll take you home… Yui it’s been really -”

“No no, really it's okay! You stay! I’ll just text you when I get home. Be safe. And again it was so nice to meet you - take care of Atsumu for me.”

“Oh I will!”

Y/N is not a runner but she’s never sprinted away from a situation so fast in her life. The image of Michimiya’s sly little smile at Y/N’s request to take care of her friend makes her feel gross, tears stinging at the back of her eyes and she settles on the train. Y/N can name a handful of times when she’d seen Atsumu around women - but never once had she’d met someone he was romantically involved with and it hurts. The gentle sway of the train does nothing to settle the spinning of her head with images of what Atsumu actually looks for - his actual type. She feels like an idiot; she should have just told Atsumu that they could do a raincheck, or if she was feeling bold, she could’ve told Michimiya to fuck off. The latter seems possible in the version of herself in Y/N’s head, but the reality was that she was too nice. Always wanted to make the people she cares about happy, and Atsumu looked... happy? Besides, Y/N thinks to herself as she exits the train and makes the trek towards her apartment building, if Michimiya Yui was going to be involved with Atsumu, the more exposure she had to her, the better off Y/N would be in accepting that Atsumu would never ever be with Y/N like that.

Once settled in her apartment, she sends off a quick “home. thanks for tonight!” to Atsumu before making her way to the bathroom. A nice warm soak would surely make her feel better, make her forget about what an idiot she is and maybe, just maybe, make her body relax all the love she holds in her heart for the blond away. Her phone pings, twice, but she ignores it. Ten minutes into her pity soak she hears a bang on her door, which only makes her groan and dunk her head under the water. The banging stops, making Y/N think it was just her neighbor or something asking for a favor. What she doesn’t expect is for her to exit the bath twenty minutes later to see Sakusa Kiyoomi sittin on her couch.

“Hello, glad to see you exploiting your spare key access.”

“Miya called me and said you looked like shit earlier. And judging by your texts throughout the evening, I figured you were on the brink of a breakdown.”

And so she was. She spent the rest of the evening talking Kiyoomi through the night, slipping in all the questions she’s had from the past two times that Atsumu had cockblocked her. And bless Kiyoomi for sitting through her tears, sitting cross-legged and drinking tea that he had initially made for her but refused to let her drink once he realized she had already brushed her teeth. It felt almost like she was finally thinking about what her friendship with Miya Atsumu was, what it could and couldn’t be. Every moment painted so clearly about how Y/N felt for her blond friend, but the only thing missing was how said friend felt about her. At 11:30 pm, two hours after Kiyoomi initially arrived at Y/N’s apartment, she pushed Kiyoomi out the door, eyes puffy but heart and head a little clearer than how they were when he arrived.

Despite promising Kiyoomi that she would not think about Atsumu, as Y/N settles into bed, her thoughts can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be with him. She mulls it over as she slides off her socks, deciding that it’d be nice - probably exactly how they are now, plus a title and a little less swatting his hands away when he reaches for her in public. Y/N can’t help it as she thinks about whether they would kiss a lot - they’ve kissed before, neither strangers to cheek kisses as greetings or kisses at the top of their heads when the other is crying into their chest (there was even that very drunk kiss they shared on New Years Eve when their friendship was fresh that both still have warm cheeks about when they think about). Just as she’s about to go down the path of whether Atsumu would spend more nights with her at her cardboard box of an apartment or her at his, Y/N cuts herself off - after all she wasn’t his type. Tonight proved that more than anything, she thinks.

It’s not like Atsumu has never brought anyone around Y/N - there’d been a few that she’d met, though they were mostly over a facetime call and it was mostly just her waving at them before Atsumu ducked away to have a private conversation. It's not like tonight was the first night Y/N had to swallow the bile in her mouth at seeing someone make heart eyes at Atsumu - it's just this time felt different; almost like Y/N was finally having the truth thrusted into her face. But Y/N isn’t mad or hateful of Michimiya, nor Atsumu for that matter - she’d never been the type to hate a girl for having feelings for the person she has feelings for. It’s annoying, sure, but Y/N doesn’t see the point in hating someone for how they feel - however, Y/N does not make the effort to become friends with these girls, or maintain the close friendship with Atsumu for that matter. Is it petty to put a strain on a friendship out of fear of losing said friendship? Absolutely! But Y/N knows she won’t be able to stomach another night like tonight - another night of seeing Atsumu slip so easily from her fingers into the arms of another. And as observant as Atsumu is, he never fully recognizes that Y/N is avoiding him, at least that what she hopes since more often than he’s able to worm himself back into her life.

---

Following the failed apology dinner, Y/N tried her hardest to give herself a few days without the blonde- made easy by the fact that the weekend after the failed apology dinner he’d be out of town for another tournament. It’s not like she was totally avoiding him, she’d responded to his texts and even answered two of his six facetime calls while he was away, she just wanted a little bit of time to wallow in self pity in her apartment, crying over her comfort movies and eating too many bags of hot chips. But once he was back in the same timezone as her, Atsumu made it impossible for Y/N to fully wallow.

It started when he texted her about their favorite crepe place temporarily closing for some reason or other - he’d tried to convince her to ditch work early that day to come, but Y/N declined with a simple text of “i like my job tyvm.” So what did he do? Pick her up in his flashy sports car that day after work (two hours later than usual since she’d figured he’d do something ridiculous like this) and drove her there, where he didn’t bat an eyelash as she ordered double than what she normally would have (a silent fuck you from Y/N but it didn’t matter since she wasn’t actualy hurting his wallet). She’d been able to tide him off for a few days, as she escaped to her hometown for a weekend - but that did little to stop the mirage of texts he’d sent her, describing in great detail this cool hybrid bookstore-game cafe that he found and thinks she’d like. Instead of responding how she actually wanted, she’d just replied with a half-assed “ahh exciting- sounds cute!” (She mentally grants herself ten nice points for erasing her initially text, telling him to take his “fucking girlfriend”). This must have really struck a nerve with him when the following weekend, he’d dragged her out of bed on Sunday morning to take her to said bookstore-game cafe, even spoiling her by secretly buying a book she’d picked up but put back.

Y/N can’t tell if Atsumu is intentionally ignoring the hints she doesn’t want to see him or if he’s really just oblivious. She also can’t tell if the patter of her heart when he drags her out of bed despite her not wanting to see him is a good thing or not. It’s been weeks since she’d third-wheeled with Atsumu and Michimiya, surely Y/N should have been able to take a little bit of pride in the fact that he was literally chasing her down to spend time with her rather than Michimiya - but before she can even swallow that pill Atsumu shows up at her apartment with the trace of a bruise hiding just below his shirt collar. The small mark on his neck makes Y/N convince herself that this would be the time that she needs a full on Atsumu ban.

Said ban never actually happens, though.

Just as proof that this ban doesn’t happen, today Atsumu has decided that Y/N needs to come shopping with him. For the entire day. Cue the montage of Atsumu banging on Y/N’s door at nine in the morning, breakfast pastries and coffee in hand as Y/N answers in all her morning glory, sleep caked up in the outer corner of her eyes and pajamas haphazardly fixed. Words are exchanged as Atsumu pushes her towards the shower, promising to make up her bed and even take out the trash for her (a chore she put off last night because she’d seen too many people smoking by the dumpsters which scared her enough to make her drag up the two bags of back up the five flights of stairs). As Y/N settles at her desk to work on making herself “the hottest person at the market,” Atsumu settles on her bed, talking a mile a minute about all the things he wanted to get at the market and the possible places they could go for lunch in the area. All she can do is hum, wondering silently why he’d chosen to take the trip with her and not his girlfriend - but she wouldn’t complain.

The market was...fulfilling enough. Surprisingly, Y/N was walking towards the food trucks with more bags in her hands than Atsumu, who followed behind her with one print from a vendor that Y/N convinced him would actually look good in his home office. The pair decided that Y/N was better suited to look for a place where they could park themselves to eat, while Atsumu went off to get them lunch. Before Y/N could make a break for the tables though, Atsumu grabbed her face, thumb swiping at her cheek firmly - it took Y/N every ounce of restraint to not whimper at the unprompted affection.

“Wha-”

“Had some of that jam sample from earlier on your face, dummy.”

“Tsk… why didn’t you see it earlier.”

He just smiled softly, letting the warmth of his hand fall from her face before patting her back towards her initial direction. Frankly, she’d been thrown off her rhythm; they’d touched each other before for fucks sake. So why was this one moment of closeness enough to make her chest feel tight? As she weaved through the tables, she can’t help but hold her hand to where his was, almost as if to preserve the warmth that was now gone. She hummed gleefully as she found a table, making her way towards it and setting up camp. As she settles into her chair, fingers deftly texting to Atsumu where she’s stationed, she sees a shadow come across the table.

“Hey, are you gonna use all these chairs?” He’s cute, almost terribly cute - he’s got this pinkish-blonde hair going on top, an almost shy glint in his gray-ish colored eyes, and an almost self-assured smile pulling at his lips. He was also tall, much taller since Y/N was sitting, but she almost doesn’t mind considering the fact that she is most definitely gawking at him. She shakes her head momentarily, both as an answer to his question and a way to clear her head momentarily.

“Thanks! My friend over there is too precious to sit on the curb, apparently.” He smiles at her, eyes squinting and she’s momentarily breathless at just how cute he is when he smiles. His arms move to grab one of the chairs and that's when she decides to speak up, not wanting to quite end the conversation yet.

“Ahh no worries! I know all about having that too precious friend! I only need one other chair so you can take two of these.”

“Oh cool thanks… and hey this might be a little weird but - fuck are you from Miyagi? You look kinda like this one girl from high school but - “

“I am! I went to Aoba Johsai and -”

He clicks his tongue and seems to smile even brighter now. “That’s right - you’re Y/N right? I think you were a year younger than us right, but you always hung out with that one girl in my year who used to smoke behind the boy’s gym…” Y/N nods, a grimace on her face and the back of her neck feeling a little warm with embarrassment. How could she possibly explain that said girl was actually Y/N’s cousin and that she didn’t actually smoke, she’d just smell like it after working at their family restaurant. “Well I’m Makki, by the way. If you remember Matsukawa and Iwaizumi they're over there - they were at Seijoh too.” She nods, leaning slightly to see the two men behind him, both wearing smiles that were just a little too cheeky.

“Yeah yeah, I remember… you also had a particular whiny one with you too, right?” He laughs at that, responding that said whiny one was actually abroad. The two make a little conversation, her giving him some suggestions on places to visit since one of his trio is actually visiting for the weekend. Y/N thinks this is nice - feels like the main character in a movie with the amount of men that have approached her in the past couple weeks. Before she can get too cocky in her ability to pull though, Atsumu walks up to the table, hands full with a tray that seems to be piled with too many little plates.

“There y’are… couldn’t see you from across the way… everything okay?” Atsumu questions, standing to his full height as if sizing up Makki, who seems completely unphased by Atsumu.

“Yeah, was just asking your girlfriend if I could steal these two chairs away before I realized that we knew each other.” The strawberry blonde is definitely unphased by Atsumu, who’s shoulders visibly relax at Makki’s suggestion that the two friends were together. “Well it was nice seeing you, Y/N! Thanks again for the chairs, you all enjoy your meal.”

As Makki walks away, Atsumu settles into his own chair with a smug little smile playing at his lips. Y/N, on the other hand, is chewing at the inside of her cheek as food is placed in front of her. Her blond friend, the observant little shit, notices that she doesn’t immediately tuck into the lunch laid in front of her and nudges her foot with his, muttering a quick “what's wrong.”

“You were blessed with possibly the worst timing in the world, y’know that?”

“What d’ya mean?” He muses, taking in her huffily pulling the lid off her food and stuffing her face with the rice bowl in front of her.. She chews, combing the food on her plate with the plastic fork as a way to stop herself from unleashing all her frustrations.

“You always but in whenever I start getting hit on! Or you stop every chance I have at possibly getting to know someone; you come in here full force and its really not fair. I don’t do it to you, and it's just not fair.” Y/N hates that she probably sounds like a whining child, but she really can’t help it anymore. It’s really not fair that Atsumu flaunts his conquests on the cover of every magazine, but god forbid Y/N talk to a guy. “Its been a while since I’ve had sex, Atsumu, and it’s getting to a point where I’d jump just about anyone’s bones. I - I just think that as my best friend you should be providing me some support, not cockblocking me at every fucking opportunity you get.”

It takes every fiber in his body to not laugh at how ridiculous Y/N is being right now. He licks at his lip, catching whatever food crumbs he could before clearing his throat. “‘M sorry what? You actually wanna hook up with those guys? They seem like the type to just fuck ya n’ then not text you back.”

“And if that’s what I want then so what!? Did you miss the part where I said I’m desperate here?”

“Then..” He takes a swig at his water bottle in front of him, leaning back slightly in his seat and sliding his sunglasses to rest on the top of his head. “If you need it that badly then you can just do it with me. You said anyone so I can -”

She laughs, one that sounds on the brink of delusion. “You’re fucking ridiculous. Yeah okay… Dunno if you remember but you’ve got a girlfriend, Miya.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, Y/N. We’re… not that serious with each other and we’re also open. She knows that..'' He looks smug, and Y/N wants to smack the absolute life out of him. “And I’m being serious, darlin.. I’d rather get you off than see you get your hopes up over some random.”

Y/N squeezes the poor utensil in her hand, choosing to chomp down one of the buns on the table instead of reminding Atsumu that she wasn’t exactly his type. But she lets it go, just squinting at him and shaking her head, mumbling how ridiculous he is before swiping some of his veggies off his plate. How else is she supposed to react to her best friend blatantly telling her that he’d fuck her if she’d ask - she tries to ignore the way that their knees resting on each other under the table makes her heart soar. Before she can form a sentence, something to steer the direction away from her sex life (or lack thereof), Atsumu mumbles around a forkful of food that she’d better hurry since he wants to do another lap of the market before it closes.

---

Atsumu’s offer and that entire conversation is brought up again a few days later; the pair are in Y/N’s apartment this time. She’d asked him and his brother to come over to install some shelves for her, but apparently Osamu was busy. With the shelves installed, Y/N put on a movie to serve as Atsumu’s entertainment whilst she organized her trinkets. She wasn’t really paying attention to the movie, too concerned with trying to see if the shelves were actually level or not when she heard Atsumu laugh behind her, muting the T.V. with a quizzical brow raised.

“Huh? If you don’t like the movie then you can change it… ‘m not payin atten-”

“Oh yeah not paying attention right?” She gives him a hard look as if proving to him that she can’t honestly give him the plot of the movie. “So you’re telling me that its just a coincidence that this movie is about two friends who make a pact to fuck each other? That it's a coincidence that the literal name of the movie is ‘Friends with Benefits”

She rolls her eyes and turns to face him fully, seeing that he’s now sat up on her couch with his elbows resting on his knees. A beat passes before he puts his hands up, almost as if in surrender, before he pushes himself off the couch and towards the kitchen. She watches him as he pulls out a bottle of wine, nodding to the couch as if asking her to take a break. She relents, folding her legs under herself and pulling at a string on the worn sofa, thinking she’d probably try to replace this piece before she renewed her lease. He thrusts the glass to her, settling into the sofa but he makes no move to unmute the T.V., instead inciting some silent battle while they each sip from their respective glasses.

“Y’know you’ve been snappy lately… my offer from the other day still stands, hope y’know tha’.” She scoffs, choosing to take another swig at her wine, which does little to cool the warmth she feels in her throat. He’s not technically wrong - the conversation the other day had made a fog of tension hang over her, making a long lost desire for the blond resurface in her lower abdomen at full force. She’d spent way too much time the other night on Amazon, debating on whether it would be a good idea to get rechargeable batteries for her toy, spent too long watching his mouth move when he’d facetimed her the other night. It's not that Y/N hadn’t hooked up with anyone since knowing Atsumu, it's just that maybe she’d spent a little too much time enjoying how Atsumu met her emotional needs that she had neglected her physical needs.

“What offer?” She’ll be damned to let him in on the fact that she’d done nothing but think about his stupid offer. Refuses to let him know that she wants, no needs, to say yes. So she plays dumb, finger dancing along the lip of her cup, foot swinging anxiously against the floor.

He hums, reaching to put his glass on her beat up coffee table. He leans his elbow on the back of the couch, placing his chin in his hand, giving Y/N his undivided attention. “‘Samu was talking about how his girlfriend has been on his ass lately about every little thing and so I asked him if they’re doin’ okay, y’know physically… didn’t answer me but I figured he’d solved it if he hasn’t mentioned it since. I heard someone say that if yer girl’s acting fussy then y’need to think about if you’ve been fuckin’ her right and well…” Y/N swallows the lump in her throat, stopping the shiver that threatens to rack her body at the idea of Atsumu thinking she’s his girl. “I was bein’ serious the other day. I know ya were mad so it wasn’t the best time to bring it up, but it seemed like the only good thing to say. Besides, ‘m not all that bad in bed, can ring up a few people if y’need a review.”

Y/N doesn’t respond with anything other than a forced huff of laughter, can't respond really. It feels too warm, she’s hoping that maybe this is some fever dream instead of reality. She just plays with her cup absentmindedly, not quite able to look the blond in the eyes despite the fact that his eyes are studying her face as if she holds all the answer to the questions the universe has. Him being bad in bed is the least of her worries, what if she’s bad? God she wants to say yes, maybe she’ll say yes - maybe it’d be good for her to finally get some di-

“Forget it, ‘m sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable then we don’t have to, sweetheart. I just -”

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Oh now she speaks. He looks at her, a wild look fixed on his face, almost as if he doesn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth. “It's just..” She throws her head back, face covered momentarily by some plant leaves. God she didn’t want to actually voice her thoughts but now she has no choice.

“It’s just what? If yer worried about the fuckin part, I can just get you off other ways. Get paid to be good with my hands -”

“Just shut up for once please, you’re ruining it.” He makes a show of zipping his lips, smiling as Y/N squares herself to him, stretching her neck as if she’s preparing for a fight, rather than speaking a coherent sentence.. “It's just that I don’t… dont wanna force you into thinking you have to ‘cos I’m being bitchy to you.. Like it’s not your problem to fix y’know and I just. Besides, don't wanna be the only one enjoying it, want you to like it too and … for fucks sake this is ridiculous. I just dunno I-”

Atsumu’s hand reaches out towards her, fingers stroking her knee in a comforting manner but it’s all but comforting to Y/N, who’s entire leg feels on fire at this small moment of skinship. “Shh, shh, no baby yer not forcing me to do anything. Don’t think that way - I-I wanna do it! I wan’ya to be happy and if this makes you happy then… And i mean if y’need more of a reason then think of it as a way for me to say sorry for cockblockin’ ya all the time.”

Y/N doesn’t say yes, but she also doesn’t outright decline. She can’t think of anything other than how, if she nodded her head, he’d give her everything she’d been wanting. Atsumu and Y/N stare at each other, moments pass and she’s sure that he’s going to take her stillness and silence as a no - but he just moves to grab her wine glass, moving it from her grasp to the table, shifting closer to her in the process. She holds her breath and he brings one of his hands towards her face, palming the side of her jaw in his warm hand, thumb rubbing at the plush skin of her lips. “Can I kiss ya? Maybe tha’s all ya need is a good kiss, yeah?” She nods, his hand moving to pluck at her bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger. “Got really nice lips, don’t you? ‘S so soft and wet, catch myself wanting to touch ‘em allot’' She inhales softly as he leans in, his hand sliding to the side of her neck and he litters soft kisses against her jaw. She whines softly when his mouth nears hers. “Shh, gonna kiss you in a minit.”

All Y/N can do is breath, mouth parted slightly as Atsumu drags his mouth over her face. His hand is so warm and big on her skin; he’s so close in her face that all she can do is inhale and smell him, making her dizzy with building warmth in her belly. They catch each other’s gaze, neither daring to blink away, before he tilts his head, pressing his mouth against hers softly at first. He doesn’t move to kiss her, just holds his lips over hers for a moment, as if giving her time to back away if she wants to; but when she doesn’t, he hums and pulls her head towards his more, lips moving in tandem. His hand slides from her cheek, worming its way towards the nape of her neck as he pulls her to him - he wastes no time in deepening the kiss, licking into her mouth with  fervor. And she lets him, moving into his lap as she relishes in the feeling of his tongue lazily swirling with her own; the new found position allows him to drag his hand down her back soothingly, her own hands sliding around his neck and up into his hair.

She parts with a soft gasp, whether it be for air or out of surprise she can’t tell. He whines momentarily, before nosing his way down towards her neck, pressing butterfly-light kisses at the flesh. She’s wiggling in his arms, and he laughs, the air ticking the soft bend of her collarbone. “Fuck, you’ve been holdin out on me. Tha’ was good right? A good kiss for ya?” All Y/N can do is nod, sliding her hand towards his face in hopes of bringing his lips back to hers. She can feel the smirk on his mouth when she presses their mouths together again, and maybe after she’d bitch him out about it but right now all she wants is to be suffocated by him.

Moments pass, the air filled with soft pants in between kisses and thickening arousal. Atsumu cards his fingers in her hair gently, mouth still against hers, free hand sneaking around Y/N’s front. She whines softly, to which he shushes her softly. “Shh you’re okay… just wanna feel ya.” He soothes her over by indulging her in soft kisses against her lips,   hand pushing up the front of her ratty t-shirt, snaking his hand past the waistband of her shorts into the confines of her (now too tight) underwear. Y/N shudders when he strokes lightly over her clit, before surpassing it completely and going to where a wet spot had been developing on the fabric. Plucking the damp cotton out of the way and letting the tips of two fingers rub over her weeping hole, “Oh.. this for me?”

A small noise crawls out of her throat, a mix between a moan, a whine, and surprise. “Don’t, ‘tsumu. It’s embarrassing..”

“Shh don’t be embarrassed. Just feels good to know I make ya feel good, baby.” Atsumu pulls his fingers from her, smiling when she whines at the loss of contact. But he’s able to soother her before she can get too fussy; one moment Y/N is on top of him, struggling to not rock against his thigh and relieve some of the pressure building up inside of her, the next Atsumu has her flipped over so her back, her body caged between the back of the sofa and his arms. A hand on either side of her head as he bends in, sweeps his tongue at a strip of salty skin just beneath her jaw. He hastily shoves up the shirt she’s wearing, revealing more of her and letting his hands graze over her breasts lightly at first before kneading them. She feels lightheaded while his mouth works on her throat, biting and sucking a bruise at the base of it that makes her gulp. Parting from the skin with a gentle kiss and a small, whispered comment of, “Taste so good, so soft and sweet. Been holding out on me, hmm?”

For the first time ever, Y/N has Atsumu in her arms and has no need to push him away - no, instead she’s holding onto him as if she’d die if he slipped away from her, her hands gripping his broad shoulders before sliding up into his hair as he makes his way down her body. He’s practically praising her - pressing wet, open mouthed kisses on her skin as he moves downwards, fingers making quick work of tugging her bottoms off, helping her kick out of them quickly and clumsily. She knows that Atsumu is not a patient man, but this is a whole other level of impatience. He’s pushing her thighs open, cold fingers squeezing at the soft flesh of her thighs as he scoots down to be at eye-level with the barest part of her, making sure her calves are hooked over his shoulders. Y/N can’t remember a time when she’s ever been in a more vulnerable position, but instead of shying away like her instincts would have her, she finds herself moving to better accommodate the man between her legs. Her eyes catch his caramel colored ones and her breath catches in her throat; he’s staring at her, enamored by her.

“Such a pretty little thing aren’t ya?” he murmurs, lips forming a gentle kiss on her inner thigh but before she can retort he gives one long, gentle swipe of his tongue directly up the middle of her folds. She gasps, face turned away from him and thighs threatening to close, but he shifts his hand to stop her, holding her in place. “Aht… don’t get shy now, lemme get a taste.”

It’s too much when he dives back in, skilled mouth a vicious match for his insatiable need to please. As he strokes his soft, wet tongue deeper and deeper between her slippery folds that part around him willingly. Y/N’s sure she’s moments away from swearing her undying fealty to whatever higher being put this on her plate for today.  Puckering his lips around her clit after stopping just before sucking on her until it was swollen and even greedier for his attention. Dipping his tongue inside of her hole, humming appreciatively against her and only feeding into the whimpering sounds filtering out of her mouth.

Embarrassingly, Y/N feels that she’s nearing her end - despite the shame of admitting that it's coming too fast, she feels the need to tell him anyway. “Hmph… g’na cum,” she chokes out, hoping that he heard her because all she can hear is the blood rushing in her ears. Every sense is suffocated by Atsumu’s presence, and she’s shameless as she lets every pant slip past her lips, feeding into Atsumu’s ego. “‘m so close, I need it. Need you to – to keep going please, ‘Tsumu”

And he does, gets her to the edge of her high before sliding his mouth away from her. The whine that falls past her lips is deafening, eyes opening and seeing that he’s just nuzzling her thigh, lips making light work at marking the soft flesh. “No, no you said… said you’d help.. Please I’m-” she’s hiccuping, tripping over her words numbly as she tries tugging his head back to where she’s most desperate for him.

He hums at her softly, almost patronizingly, as he places a kiss to the skin closest to his mouth. “Don’t cry pretty girl.. Won’t leave you hanging, ‘ts so warm down ‘ere… might have to stay forever, tha’ okay?” He is disgusting, filthy, so sinfully good. And true to his word, he goes back in without another word, only a small smile and his own hum that vibrates through her lower half. When he takes her clit back between his lips, it’s all she needs. Every tense muscle finally seizing to his maximum strain; it’s like she was a string that’d been stretched too far and finally frayed in the middle, snapping. She can hear her heartbeat thumping like a bass in her ears, can feel the way she’s twitching under Atsumu’s relentless movements, and it drowns out her own noises that she’s making.

Moments later, all that can be heard is her bated breathing, head completely empty and eyes heavy, flickering and fluttering with just how light she feels. Atsumu kisses his way back up to be face-to-face with her, making sure to peck gently at the marks he’d littered her skin with. His face is buried in the base of her throat, their arms tangled around each other lazily - Y/N feels too sleepy to protest the way that he’s pressing all his weight onto her; but isn’t too tired to realize that he’s hard when her hips wiggle to accommodate him between her legs, maybe has been the entire time, which confuses her slightly. Why would he be hard over her? She understands her total arousal over him since she bitched him into submission, but him? If anything, him being hard right now just proves, to Y/N at least, that maybe he would get it up with anything. But what if it is for you, her heart wonders briefly.

“‘Tsumu… are you-?”

“Shh, ‘ts alright. Let's get you to bed.” And he moves to slide off her, moving to guide the two of them to her bed, which was a feat on its own considering Y/N’s legs feel like jelly. All he can do is smile at her, taking in her relaxed face and mused hair. He settles her into bed, sliding up next to her and pulling her onto his chest, lips pressed into the crown of her head.  Before Y/N can even think of a way to say thank you, she feels sleep taking over, choosing instead to just indulge (for once) in the pseudo-domestic situation she’s in tonight.

The following morning, Y/N almost doesn’t want to wake up, isn’t ready to come to terms with whatever happened yesterday. Long gone is the lusty drunkenness from last night, but Atsumu...Atsumu is still fully there, lips pursed and arms shoved under the pillow - Y/N holds back the urge to trace her fingers along the lines of his arm. She russells around, hoping that sleep takes over her again so she can justify waking up wrapped around Atsumu - her attempts are futile though when she feels a firm squeeze at her side, cold fingers making her jump slightly.

“Wha’s wrong?”

She mumbles a barely coherent “nothing,” to which Atsumu just hums, snaking his arm over Y/N’s middle and pulling her towards him, chest to chest with his breath fanning over her face. She swears she could die a happy person now. Wants to have every morning be like this, him in her too small bed, squishing themselves together for warmth, just the sheer proximity is enough, she muses to herself. Apparently, Y/N is thinking just a little too loud this morning for Atsumu’s liking because he sighs softly, asking if she’s sure nothing is wrong.

“Mm ‘m fine. Jus’ tryna get comfortable, go back to sleep.”

“Can’t now, all yer wiggling woke me up” And before she can even retort, he shifts slightly, practically forcing his groin on her thigh, to which she squeaks softly. “Jus go back to sleep… too early for breakfast.”

“Bu- Tsumu.. Lemme..” she starts, shyly. She did have this inherent need to pay him back for what happened, and she can only equate his favor with something equally as...pleasurable?...fulfilling? She can’t find the right word but the most equal compensation for sex has to be more sex, right? The sleep in her bones is fully gone now, her hands sliding down his sides slowly, tentatively. “Please...wanna jus’-”

“Don’t have to, can just go to the rest- sh-shit.” He starts, his own hand reaching to stop hers but his movements stutter when she palms at his crotch, giving his bulge a full on grope. She shushes him softly, lips moving to peck his jaw softly as she snakes her hands past the tight confines of his underwear; and though she can’t see much of what is going on she can feel how thick Atsumu is. His hands have shifted slightly, one arm resting behind her and the other cupping her face, their lips tangled in kisses that feel too sweet and far from platonic.

Moments pass, and it's apparent that Y/N is moving much too slowly for Atsumu, him bucking into her hand and his hips rolling in uncalculated and sloppy movements. He whines softly when she pulls her lips off his, both softly gasping for air, but she shushes him, using the most minimal amount of strength to push him onto his back and settles between his massive thighs. By this point, once fully exposed in front of her, he's so hard that the foreskin is already drawn away from the head, tip slick and wet with precum. She’s gentle, wanting to preserve the quietness that comes with waking up at eight in the morning, as she presses a few open mouth kisses at the patch of hair below his belly button.

And it’s all over from here. Y/N ducked herself down, licking from the dip of his balls to his drippy head in one broad swipe. Y/N shudders softly at the whimper she’s able to pull out of the man above her, thinking that it’s probably the best noise she’d ever elicited from a man. Atsumu runs his fingers through her hair as she slides his head into her mouth, fingers deftly scraping at her scalp as she begins sucking. She sucks him like she wants to – like this was the most perfect way to spend every morning, with her blonde, dumb, stupid best friend stuffing her mouth. Both are still hazy with sleep, but that doesn’t stop Y/N from pulling him in deeper, hollowing her cheeks as she begins bobbing her head and moving her hand in tandem to stroke at what can’t fit in her mouth.

His fingers start to tangle in her hair rather than comb through it, his moans filling the room, punctuated with little encouragements that she hums at around him, like, “Tha’s it, there’s my good girl,” and through shaky laughs, “M'gonna cum if you keep doing that, baby.” Eventually, Y/N knows that he must be near his peak, but she pauses, eyes locking with his caramel colored ones, as she pulls her mouth away to let his length just rest on her tongue.

“Fuck yer pretty… so good aren’t ya?” He whisper-groans at her, gripping her hair a little harder when she tilts her head to the side, allow him to shallowly fuck himself between her lips, his thumb tracing the bulge his dick made in her cheek. “Need'a pull off if y'don’t wanna taste, baby… gettin so- fuck- so close.” He gives her hair a slight tug, like he might actually pull her off himself, but she doesn’t allow him; she just shifts her mouth, making light work of wrapping her lips around his tip, sucking greedily with and humming in protest around him. And it’s that that sends him over, twitching in her mouth as he sputters off shaky profanities before she feels shot after shot of white ropes hitting her tongue. Y/N can’t help but stare at him above her, relishing in the fact that this morning she gets to see him shake and shudder because of her.

Y/N pops off him gently, drawing back and humming at the lingering salty taste he’s left on her tongue. She graces the skin of his heaving abdomen with soft, fluttering kisses as she tucks him back into his underwear, before she crawls up his body, legs swinging to straddle his narrow hips. He’s got an arm thrown over his eyes, neck red and he seems almost bashful underneath her (which makes Y/N’s heart swell with adoration at just how him he is). She wiggles softly, folding her hands on his chest and laying her chin on them, waiting for him to say something to her. She blows a laugh through her nose when he finally looks down at her, eyes glimmering and lips pulled in the shyest smile she thinks she’s ever seen on him.

“You… yer good. Too good… just wow.”

---

Suffice to say lots has happened in the week following the pair quite literally eating their hearts out.

Firstly, Atsumu spent nearly every evening at her apartment that week. He waited every single day outside of her office building - her coworkers have taken to telling her how lucky she is that she has a man waiting for her with this whipped look on her face, but she swears up and down (with warm cheeks) that it's not like that. They eat dinner, alternating between picking up something on the way or cooking together - and by cooking, just picture Atsumu cutting vegetables in uneven chunks while Y/N scolds him for not adding enough water to the rice cooker. Normally this could happen: it's not super rare that they visit each other during the week if it's convenient - what is definitely not in the norm is the fact that Atsumu has buried himself between Y/N’s thighs thrice this week. It starts when Y/N looks too stressed on Tuesday evening, that Atsumu pulls her legs over his lap in an attempt to “massage some of the stress away,” which only leads to him manhandling her onto her back, promising to give her something else to cry about besides work.

Secondly, Osamu thought it would be best to alert Y/N that Atsumu had a very awkward conversation with a woman during lunch on Thursday - it was secretly his way of asking her to ask Atsumu what happened because both Y/N and Osamu were terrible gossips who feed off each other. When Y/N asked though, all Atsumu said was that the whole conversation didn’t matter, that the woman (who Y/N learned was actually Michimiya) wanted more than Atsumu was able to give to her. That their lives weren’t in sync or whatever, that they’d eventually manage to be co-workers at best. To say that Y/N wasn’t elated at the news would be a bold-faced lie.

Y/N feels on cloud nine, feels like she doesn’t even need to have a conversation with Atsumu about what their situation is currently. She gets to reap all the benefits of a relationship now, she’s physically taken care of and emotionally spoiled. Only thing she’s actually missing is the title but what's in a word, right?Atsumu wasn’t a natural flirt, always hid compliments behind a harsh delivery - but lately he’s taken to drowning Y/N in compliments, even the corny ones. Y/N expected a post-nut “god yer pretty,” but what occasionally caught her off was when he would open the door for her (normal) and say that “a pretty gal like you should never hafta touch a handle” (not normal). Subconsciously, Y/N feels like he’s only trying to compliment his way into her pants, but she chooses to ignore the way he coos at “just how gorgeous her eyes are” when he makes eye contact with her during a midnight snack.

On the second Thursday following the start of the Y/N-Astumu situationship, Y/N has no choice really other than to ask Atsumu what’s going on with them. They’re at the grocery store by his place (he’d convinced her to take the following day off work and spend the night with him), everything is more than normal when the pair’s conversation gets interrupted by a literal model-esque person, touching Atsumu’s shoulder. Y/N tries to sneak her hand from his arm, but he grasps her hand before she can get too far, looking at the stranger with a less-than-friendly expression.

“Oh Miya! I’m a huge fan, would you mind taking a photo with me?” He indulges his fan, never letting go of Y/N’s hand, even as she steps out of the camera’s focus. The stranger parts with a grateful smile to both Atsumu and Y/N, which feels unnecessary, but Y/N returns anyway. The friends continue their shopping trip before making the trek to Atsumu’s apartment building. Y/N is quiet, in her head about the whole fan interaction that lasted a total of five minutes, but Atsumu says nothing - even stays quiet until the pair are up in his apartment.

“Everything okay? Not bored of me are ya?”

She smiles weakly at him, settling to rest against his kitchen counter. “It’s just… I- nevermind it’s stupid.” She shakes her head, hand waving in front of her as if trying to shoo away the negative cloud above her head. But Atsumu quickly grabs her hand, pulling her into the space between his arms.

“It’s not stupid if ‘s how yer feeling.. What’s up?”

“Okay…” She starts, pushing away from his chest to give herself some literal and mental space. He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back at the opposite counter to Y/N, who's mirroring his stance except her head is thrown back, eyes searching his ceiling for the right words to come next. “Are you always like… this… with the girls who give you head?” When she looks at him, his head is tilted to the left in confusion, making her huff anxiously. “Okaaay.. you’ve complimented me more in the past three weeks than any other person has in my entire life… is that normal for you to do with the girls hooking up with you or am I the exception? It’s not a big deal.. It’s just that you -”

“I compliment you because you deserve to be complimented, sweetheart… but if it makes you uncomfortable then I can stop.” He cuts in, before he uncrosses his arms, palms gripping at the counter behind him. “As for the whole hooking up part… is that what you want this to be? ‘Cos we can do that, up to you Y/N, I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give -”

“But why? Until three weeks ago I was under the impression that I wasn’t your ‘type’ or whatever so why now are you suddenly on board with taking whatever I give you?”

He laughs, and Y/N wants to cry. Why wasn’t he taking this seriously? Y/N is good at feeling her feelings, but has a hard time clearly expressing those feelings into words.

“Don’t laugh a-”

“Who told you what my type was? If it was ‘Samu or Omi I swear I’ll -”

“You did. You said I wasn’t your type.” He balks, eyes wide and riddled with trying to think about when he said it. “It was forever ago, but you said it. You came back from Germany, I picked you up and ‘Samu had called while I went to the restroom and well.. I overheard you say-”

“Yer an idiot, made an assumption before ya knew the whole truth, baby. I was talking about this photographer that I was kinda seein’ at the time. M’brother asked why if she’d get mad that I chose to see you fresh off the plane instead of her, said it didn’t matter because she wasn’t my type.”

Y/N wishes that the floor of his ridiculously priced apartment would swallow her whole, or that if she pushed the right buttons on his fancy microwave she’d be able to rewind life to five minutes ago when she decided to start this conversation. Frankly, she feels silly and like she shouldn’t say anything else - she knows that her words conveyed a little bit of insecurity that she’s sure Atsumu doesn’t want to have to deal with.

A beat passes before both Y/N and Atsumu open their mouths, but he’s able to get out the words first. “You really thought that you weren’t my type?” Fuck his smug little desbelieving smile.

“Don’t gimme that look - you’re usually spotted around the globe with gorgeous people… ‘s it really wrong of me to assume that I wasn’t your type? Besides,” she starts, arms crossed around her middle while Atsumu takes a tentative step to close the gap between them. “It's not that it matters now since, y’know I know that it's not true.. Just hurt my feelings at the time and well…”

“You were supposed to be the smart one between us, got the college degree ‘n everythin.” He teases, arms reaching to rest on her waist. “For someone so smart you really missed all the signs huh? Why do you think I stepped in every time some guy tried to talk t’ya? Why d’ya think that I tried to take up all your weekend time, don’t get me wrong I love spendin’ time with ya but also didn’t wanna see you goin out with any guys you’d met when I wasn’t around.” By this point he’s got her chin in his hand, ducking his head slightly to make her look at him fully. “And why the hell would I eat you out at every possible opportunity once I’ve been given the okay? Just because I get thrown it all the time by others doesn’t mean that I eat out every -”

“Alright, alright. You can shut up now. I get it, I’m dumb. I just didn’t think -”

“Oh you got tha’ right - didn’t think at all did ya?” She groans, throwing her head back. She’ll never be able to get the image of his smug face out of her head, never going to be able to live down how for once in their years long friendship Atsumu was smarter than her. All he can do though is laugh, pulling her face back down to his and giving her forehead a soft kiss, making her stomach erupt with flutters.

“If you tell anyone about this conversation, I swear to god Miya I’ll-”

“Shh it’s always gotta be a threat with you huh? Why can’t you just admit that you were stupid for once?”

“Not happening.”

“Not even if it means you’re stupidly in like with me”

“No, because I’m not stupidly in like with you… I just adore your stupid self more than I’d ever admit in front of anyone else.”

He laughs, bumping his nose against her with a laugh before kissing her softly. Everything is great, life is great. Y/N loves Atsumu and Atsumu loves her, and she isn’t some sad, movie cliché any longer. She’s got this gorgeous guy who practically worships her, so freely giving himself to her. He pulls away from kissing her for a second, taking a moment to appreciate the way that her eyes are closed happily.

“Just so y’know… I adore you too.” Kiss. “But you are never allowed to call me stupid again… from now on I’m the smart one in this relationship.”

A/N pt2: and so that’s it hehe. thank you sm for reading I hope you enjoyed it. any little comments you have in the tags would be nice to read or yeah. this is my side blog so like hgjdgsh if I respond to you it’s gonna be from my main haha

[maybankiara]

TELL ME, IS IT WORTH IT?

pairing: JJ Maybank x Pope Heyward

summary: Pope proposes, JJ panics, and now he’s trying to explain why he said no (and why he shouldn’t have done it.)

w/c: 3.7k

a/n: angst with a happy ending, ignore all the typos bc this is entirely unedited (i might edit in the future)

masterlist | tag list

read on archive of our own

It’s really unfair that when someone’s life falls apart, the world itself doesn’t. JJ thinks it should. It should be raining knives, hailing bullets, volcanoes should be exploding and the ground shaking shouldn’t be just his personal experience of reality. 

But it’s not even a moderately hot day. It’s breezy, it’s perfect, and it’s one of the nicest days of the fucking whole year. 

JJ hates it. 

The Chateau has only got John B and Kiara under its roof when he barges in, teeth gripping on the cap of a beer bottle. ‘Don’t ask,’ he states, then drops in the empty space between the two on the couch. His legs find their home on the coffee table and he nearly downs the bottle. Burps. Sighs, dramatically. 

He knows they’re exchanging glances, but he chooses to ignore it. 

Kie’s consoling hand lands on his shoulder. ‘What ha—’

‘Pope asked me to marry him,’ he says, ‘and I said no. And I also said I think it’s never going to happen.’

John B should’ve made a dumb comment. Kie should’ve made a sarcastic remark. But they didn’t, and they won’t, because JJ feels the gravity of the situation weighting down his lungs. (It feels like being torn up inside out, like his heart is chewing on itself out of anger, or sadness, or betrayal. It feels like the moment when your heart skips a beat and you think this is it, this is how I die, except you don’t; except you’re stuck in that moment forever.)

JJ burps. It chips at the silence, but it doesn’t break it. Kie’s hand on his shoulder is frozen and the distance between him and John B seems like an ocean. 

‘Yeah,’ says JJ. ‘I don’t think that was what he expected.’

A sigh comes from Kie, but he doesn’t look. ‘When was this?’

‘About twenty minutes ago. I drove straight here.’

‘Drunk?’ asks John B. 

‘Does it matter? I’m here now. Safe and sound.’ He lets out a dry chuckle before he can stop himself, and shakes his head. ‘Physically, anyway.’

‘You’re not drunk,’ says Kie. It sounds a little like a scoff, so JJ looks at her, but he can’t figure out what her face is saying. Tight lips scream anger, but her eyes are soft as ever, maybe a little concerned. She glances between him and John B with one of her eyebrows slightly raised. ‘He’s a heartbroken idiot, but not drunk.’

‘Ah. Understandable. Should I—’

‘You know what being a heartbroken idiot means.’ Kie pushes herself off the couch and when JJ glances at his other friend, John B’s just as confused as he is. ‘I know a thing or two about getting your heart broken for a dumb reason. You two sort that out, and I’ll make sure Pope’s okay. Let me know when you’ve knocked some sense into him.’

Before either of the boys manage to comprehend her words, she’s out the door. The Kie-shaped void on JJ’s left side feels a little odd, so he pushes himself into that side of the couch. The beer is bitter at the back of his throat; he wishes some music would be playing. 

John B calls his name, so JJ looks at him. He’s giving him the puppy eyes, trying to get him to talk, and it’s because neither of them really know how to start. (Their affection is physical, not verbal. Kie’s the one who’s good at that. Pope is—)

‘Did you panic?’ asks John B. 

JJ shakes his head. ‘Don’t think so. Not until after I’ve said it, anyway.’

‘So what happened?’

There’s a pause, JJ feels his brow furrow, and then: ‘I don’t know.’

‘…you don’t know?’

‘No.’

‘So you panicked.’

‘No, I didn’t, it’s—’ With a sigh, JJ accepts the momentary defeat. He glances over and sees John B’s signature stare full of indecipherable intent, but nothing less than pure kindness. They’ve had their bumps, but they always came out on top. It’s the pogue way. Even if John B wears that stupid bandanna around his neck well into his married life of his late twenties. ‘I knew the answer was no.’

It’s John B’s turn to frown. ‘You’ve thought about it?’

‘No, I just knew. Like you know the ocean is salty.’

‘You know that because you’ve tasted it before,’ counters John B. ‘I doubt you’ve been proposed to before.’

‘I could’ve been!’ 

All John B offers is a long stare yet that is enough. He’s older by only a few months, but he’s also married and didn’t say no to the proposal (granted, it was him proposing to Sarah, but still) and kind of has got his life together. He’s still JJ’s dumb older brother, but he knows something JJ doesn’t. 

‘How did you know you wanted to marry Sarah?’ 

‘Are you reconsidering your answer?’

‘No, I just—’ JJ sighs again and tries to wish another bottle into appearing in his hand. Doesn’t work. Probably for the better. He just leans his head back on the couch and stares at the ceiling, connecting the dots in his mind. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want you to tell me how you knew.’

He hears shuffling, and then feels John B’s feet in his lap. (He’s not going to comment on the boat shoes. There’s been enough deflecting. He’s got to listen, because Pope is threatening to burst into the forefront of his mind any second now.)

John B gives out the deep, heavy sigh that only comes with a slight aah whenever he’s about to tell a story. ‘When we were young, she made everything come alive. Everything looked brighter and clearer, and it was like I could finally breathe with the entirety of my lungs.’

JJ closes his eyes, trying not to gag. ‘Bro. I’m not listening to that.’

‘But that’s how I knew!’ He could just hear the grouch in his friend’s voice and now he’s threading the fine line between laughing and gagging. ‘Seriously, JJ, you asked. I don’t— I don’t know what to say. I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough.’

‘I am.’

‘No, you’re not. You’re deflecting.’

‘Big word.’

‘See?’ John B scrunches his nose, shaking his head. His thumb and index finger grip the bridge of his nose. ‘I know you’re confused. And scared. I know you panicked when Pope asked, but I don’t think you understand how horrible is the thing you’ve done.’

‘It’s not like I broke his heart,’ scoffs JJ, but the words are flat and his heart skips another beat. He doesn’t need to look at John B to knows he’s got his head in his hands. ‘C’mon, it’s Pope. He’s tougher than he looks.’

‘Yes, but he proposed, JJ. He asked to spend the rest of his life with you and you said no!’

‘I didn’t say no to that!’ JJ flings himself off the couch and now he’s pacing around the living room of the Chateau, marching circles around the coffee table. His forehead is pulsating; he’s probably having a heart attack. That’d explain a lot. ‘I said no to getting married.’

‘That’s the same thing.’

‘It isn’t.’

‘It is.’

‘It really isn’t, John B,’ he spits out. Christ, he’s getting hot. Is that his blood boiling? ‘Marriage is… It’s taxes. It’s prenups. It’s joint bank accounts, it’s added tension, it’s fucked up. Half of the marriages don’t even last.’

(Pope’s always talked about getting married. When gay marriage was legalised, before they were together, before they were out of the closet, even then he was openly delighted about it. He’s been talking about the two of them getting married for a while now, or at least hinting at it. 

He should’ve expected it. It didn’t come out of the blue. He saw the signs, just ignored them, because… because…)

‘If you’re scared marriage is going to ruin your relationship, JJ, I’ll have you know you’ve already done that yourself.’ 

This is about the point where everything just… It comes crashing down. The world does end the way JJ wanted it to. 

He feels himself growing very, very still, like when he was younger and his father raised a hand. He feels his breath halting in his throat and ears tuning out all sound, repeating John B’s words over and over until the echo became the echo of itself. He could feel the ground opening beneath him despite not moving an inch. 

When gravity drags you down to earth, your rose-tinted glasses shatter like porcelain. 

He sees Pope’s face of shock, then laughter, then embarrassment and betrayal at once, once he’s realised JJ isn’t joking. He sees him get up from his knees, hands shaking as JJ fumbles over his words, unable to find an explanation or an excuse. He feels cold sweat breaking out on his forehead, blood turning to ice in his hands. He sees his mum leaving, his dad’s hand raised; he sees people arguing and JJ wants to cover his ears. He sees himself, alone, alone, alone. 

And he sees Pope turning his back to him. Quietly. He doesn’t even argue back. Just takes the no and i’m sorry, i can’t do this, it’s never going to happen, not like this and doesn’t say a word. Just walks away. 

It’d be easier if he screamed at JJ. At least he’d know how to deal with that. 

Pope’s heartbreak is the quiet kind, the one that doesn’t ask for attention, just the opposite. Usually JJ’s there to hold his hand, to sit by his side until Pope’s ready to talk about it, or be somewhere around, far enough so that Pope deals with things himself, but close enough so that he’s there if he’s needed. He’s never been the reason for the quiet. 

Fire replaces the ice. JJ feels like the sun itself is tearing him open. 

‘Shit,’ he says. ‘Fuck.’ Then raises his eyes until he meets John B’s, blurry and barely visible. ‘I fucked up.’

He doesn’t realise he’s shaking until his knees buckle under his weight and he stumbles to find his footing. John B shoots from the couch and pulls him into a hug, wrapping his arms around him so tight JJ couldn’t have escaped if he wanted to. He didn’t. He wanted to be held, even if by a friend. 

He doesn’t sob because the sob gets caught in his throat, too, but he lets out a cough that says all the same. ‘It would’ve been easier if you yelled at me.’

‘I know.’ John B pats his back, letting JJ rest his weight unto him. ‘Pope will understand. That’s why Kie went to talk to him. As long as you realise you’re hurting everyone by being an idiot, you can make it better.’

‘I thought—’ He stops, because his words get fumbled again, and now he’s pressing his eyes into his friend’s shoulder like he’s all he’s got. ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone again.’

‘You’re not going to, okay? Just… Marriage is not all taxes, and you gotta understand that. It’s about knowing that if they get hurt, you’ll be allowed to see them. That you can get a house together, that you can look after each other if something goes wrong. That what you have is there to stay. Think of it as a promise.’

JJ snorts, but he doesn’t let go. ‘I don’t do well with people promising things to me.’

‘Then promise it to yourself,’ counters John B. The way he puts it makes it sound it’s as easy as breathing – JJ wishes he could feel the same. ‘Promise to stay with him. Promise to be around if something bad happens, but if something good happens, too. That’s what marriage is.’

‘I already promised that,’ he says. ‘His future and mine are the same.’

‘Then what’s the problem? Marriage is just making it legal. Making it formal. When what you have is honest and true, it doesn’t change anything. It just makes things better.’

JJ pulls out, feeling confident he can stand on his own two feet. He still feels a little lightheaded, but the thought of Pope possibly thinking that spending the rest of their lives together is the last thing JJ would want… That is the last thing JJ would want. Pope hurting because of him. 

JJ can’t afford to be scared anymore; living a life half-way ready to run is not living. 

He checks his phone; it must’ve chimed at some point because there’s texts from Kie, telling him where she is with Pope. His heart skips another beat, and at this point he thinks he could have enough heartbeats for a whole new person just from the ones he missed. 

He’s not dying today. He’s not dying before he gets to live the future he’s almost ripped out of his own hands. 

When he looks up at John B, he feels the hint of a weary smile on his lips. ‘I think I’ve got a promise to make.’

—

It shouldn’t be a surprise JJ finds them at the Boneyard, yet it’s still quite odd to see the scenario he’s seen a million times – Kie sitting next to the sea with her feet dipped into water as her fingers splash at the waves just about reaching her, and Pope�� Pope sitting on the half-dunked log that’s been here forever, with his feet bare but not quite touching the water. His head is hung low and JJ can see the strain in his shoulders even from halfway across the beach; the cap is sitting on his lap, unused, despite the sun high above their heads. 

The sight tugs at his heart and he falters in his step, but John B’s firm hand on his back encourages him forward. JJ gives a slight nod; he’s not giving up on the courage. 

It’s Pope who notices them first and he stiffens even more; JJ sees Kie pat his knee before turning around and waving at them, then saying something to Pope. JJ wishes the wind would carry her words to him – is it encouragement or telling Pope he’s better off without someone who panics and refuses the one thing they’ve always longed for?

‘Don’t.’ John B pats him on the back. ‘I see you doing your dumb thought thing.’

JJ opens his mouth to say something, but whatever it was that he meant to say, it’s gone forever. All he can do is try and keep his shoulders from slumping and hands from forming fists; he can’t allow himself to be angry at the world, or himself. 

The sand creaks underneath his feet. He hates it in this moment, because it makes him aware of every step he’s got to take to get to Pope, and the steps drag into eternity. 

Pope locks their eyes. JJ tries figuring him out, but he’s too far, and Pope’s too guarded. 

(Not against me, Pope. Please. Not against me.)

When they get there, JJ feels like fainting, but he sets his foot firmly on the ground. He’s not escaping. 

‘Hey,’ greets Kie, and John B returns the greeting. The feuded lovers stay silent, just taking each other in. 

(JJ always wished he could paint. The lines of Pope’s face are shaped as if they were meant to withstand centuries instead of being washed away with age. He wishes he could offer to Pope more than just… himself.

He’s talked about this with Pope before, though. Feeling inferior to his boyfriend was always going to be JJ’s Achilles’ heel, yet he didn’t think it would come to this. He made another promise, ages ago – to try to see himself the way Pope sees him. The way other people see him. 

To believe in himself the way he believes in other people, for once.)

The silence is heavy, but JJ forces himself to not see it that way. Instead, he looks over to Kie, to John B, and says: ‘Can you guys give us a second?’

There’s nods and then they’re off, with nothing between the couple aside from waves crashing into the shore. Pope’s head is hung and shoulders slumped, and he’s sitting on this log with one foot pulled up and resting on it, the other hanging in the water now. JJ’s fingers ache to reach across for his, but he tells himself it’s not the time. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘Marriage scares me. I don’t know one that worked out, aside from John B and Sarah. I was raised to be on my own. Marriage means not being alone and that scared me, until I realised that… I haven’t been alone for a while now. The pogues, you… Nobody’s going anywhere. And if marriage is just a way to promise to you that I’m not going anywhere, either, and if it means so much to you, then I say let’s do it. I got scared, but never for a second did a life without you cross my mind. It’s — That’s my nightmare, Pope. Your future and mine are the same. Where you go, I follow. That’s the way things are.’

For a long time, it was JJ trying to come to terms with loving Pope – then it was Pope coming to terms with loving JJ. They’ve always loved each other, in a way, without quite saying it. It has never been the kind of love that is shouted from the rooftops – it’s the helping hand, the whispers of i got this, or you’re not alone in this, or i wish you could see yourself the way i see you. It’s the kind of love that’s etched into the air around them, existing as a part of themselves rather than something external. They’ve grown into it, shaped their lives around it.

It’s always been the beach for them. Their first kiss when they were seventeen, their first fight, their first promise to stick together through thick and thin. Every time something happened, something that mattered, etched itself into the back of JJ’s mind like the sound of his mother’s voice, it was always accompanied by the sound of waves on the shore; by the wind howling over the bay. It was always people chatting in the distance, or some music playing from a half-working speaker. It was always them, in the midst of other people’s lives. 

Pope proposed in their flat. 

When JJ drops to his knees, he doesn’t do his dumb thought thing. He doesn’t even think about it – for once, his gut isn’t telling him to run, but stay. ‘Pope Heyward.’

‘JJ—’

‘Can you let me do this?’ asks JJ. He laughs a little, shakes his head, and tries not to think about how ridiculous this looks. ‘I know I already had a monologue, but I don’t think I got my point across.’

Pope shakes his head, too; he isn’t smiling, but his eyes aren’t as strained anymore. ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to—’

‘I want to. I want this, okay? I want you to hear it.’

He can see Pope’s Adam’s apple bob, and he can see his shoulders slump in a relaxed way. The lines around his eyes soften and his lips nearly turn upwards, just a little bit. A little twitch is enough to shoot electricity to JJ’s heart. 

‘Pope, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life saying it to you. You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, and my fiancee, if you’ll have me after the shit I pulled today. Husband, then. Father of your children, because I know it’s what you’ve always wanted, and I want it, too. Whatever you’ll be, I’ll be by your side. It’s all I want. No matter what our status is, we’re always Pope and JJ. We’re always just us. And I really haven’t thought out what I’d say next because—’

Pope’s lips crash into JJ’s, his hands grasping at JJ’s face, and world pulls itself together again. When they part their foreheads lean against one another, and he can feel Pope’s breath on his lips, and he feels his hands burning on the small of Pope’s back, and he can breathe and breathe and breathe like his lungs have never worked properly before. 

(He understands John B now. Not like he’d ever admit it to him.)

He lets out a chuckle, and then he’s kissing Pope again – a small, chaste kiss, just to feel the softness of the touch. His fingers grip the back of Pope’s flannel and he’s laughing into the kiss. 

‘You’re an idiot,’ says Pope. ‘I should break up with you.’

‘Can’t. I’m too irresistible.’

‘Shut up. You’re cheesy. That entire speech would put John B to shame.’ 

JJ shakes his head again and then his thumb is tracing the line of Pope’s jaw, eyes transfixed by his lips. He almost lost this. He almost gave up everything out of fear after promising to never doing it again. (He’s making a vow, this time. It holds more weight.) ‘You loved that speech.’

Pope rolls his eyes, in the way that tells JJ he’s right. ‘Kie told me you were freaking out at the Chateau.’

‘I was,’ admits JJ. What’s the point of holding back the truth? ‘I was freaked out of my mind. I thought I’d ruined everything.’

‘You forget how well I know you, JJ. I was hurt, but I knew you would come back. Old you would run, but Kie came and said you’re at the Chateau, and you wouldn’t have gone there if you meant to run.’

‘I couldn’t ever run from you.’

‘You better.’

JJ rolls his eyes at the teasing tone in Pope’s voice, then pulls him in for a hug. It’s not long until Pope buries his face in JJ’s shoulder, and JJ kisses the side of his head. ‘I do want to marry you, if you’ll have me.’

There’s a pause and JJ feels Pope chuckle against his neck, shivering a little. ‘What is it that you said? My future and yours are the same? That better be in your vows, John B.’

‘Shut up.’ JJ feels himself burning, neck up this time, and tries to laugh it off. ‘I get to be cheesy once.’

‘Just save it for the wedding. I’d like to hear it again.’

JJ angles his body so there’s some space between them; he doesn’t hesitate before planting another kiss on Pope’s lips, reveling in the ease of movement. This is what coming home feels like, and if this is what future has in store for him, who is he to complain?

[limitlessgojo]

Blood Bound: Red Strings of Fate (Ch 13)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: Goldenrod

Next Chapter: The More You Know

Next SFW Chapter: Big White Lies

Tags: Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj @rizzo-nero @whoreuc @fkngkumiko @isl3t @gojoussunglasses @onepotatostand-blog @s-t-f-u-b-i-t-c-h @sunaswife @lordguameow @track5enthusiast

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, specify if you're okay with nsfw posts or not, and please mention it in the comments below ty ❤

Chapter 13: Home Sweet Home

That weekend you went back home. It was so refreshing to see everyone. You yelped out with joy as you ran over to your cousin “Hiroki niichaaaan~” You jumped into his arms.

He hugged you tight. “How have you been doin lil sis?”

“Very good! I missed you all so much, especially you Hiroki nii." You pouted up at him.

You caught up with your family, had meals with them, and trained with Hiroki. They were most curious about your soulmate, as you have expected.

“What’s he like? Aren’t people from the big 3 clans so stuck up all the time? Even Satoru is full of himself at times, ey?”, Hiroki asked you with a mouthful of food.

“He isn’t too bad to be honest. He’s a gentleman and sweet with me. Decent man. Just, seems a bit like the private type? I mean… Doesn’t talk much about his family even though we are soulmates. Oh I’ve already talked to him about you guys.” You added.

Hiroki tilted his head, “Ehhh… mysterious huh.”

“Give him time. The Kamo Clan aren’t the most open minded people. They’ll feel you out before allowing you in.” Your dad said.

“Even though I’m his soulmate?!” You exclaimed.

Silence. “We don’t know what they’re thinking so we can’t say for sure.”

◇◇◇

“Heh, you’ve gotten better lil sis,” Hiroki dropped low and thrusted out his spear. You jumped and immediately shifted your stance to land a kick on him. He easily parried and slipped out of your range.

Your family specializes in dealing with reverse cursed techniques aside from the occasional esper. Hiroki was only a semi-grade 1, because he trained his ass off for years.

Now that he’s built, he uses cursed tools to help him fight. A strong 185cm man can definitely handle close combat well. And in terms of healing abilities, he was number 1 in the clan.

It was only the women in your family that were able to inherit psychokinesis for some reason. But usually it only applies to a specific thing. Like how your mom can control plants. And your other aunt does with small metallic items like coins and darts.

Mother approached you after your sparring session. "Does he make you happy my dear?" Your mother asked you. Hiroki drank quietly from his water bottle.

You thought about it. The past few months were not easy but really colorful with Noritoshi. Minus the nagging feeling of him covering up his family affairs from you.

But… "He does. I feel so safe with him ma. Like I do with all of you. He is family to me now. I think I really like him and I trust him with my life." You whispered out.

"Then next time, bring him here. We will gladly welcome him with open arms." Hiroki smiled at you and leaned into your side.

◇◇◇

You went to visit your dead older sister’s grave just before you went back to Kyoto Jujutsu High School.

It was just you and Hiroki. You both cleaned the grave, trimmed the weeds, changed the flowers, burned fresh incense, and said your prayers for Sora. It was such a clear day with barely any clouds. The sky was so blue.

Just like her namesake.

Hiroki left you to give you some privacy, saying that he’ll pick you up in 2 hours.

You took a deep breath. “Sora neechan. It’s been a while. Sorry I couldn’t come to see you as often, because I’m currently a student at Jujutsu High.”

“I met this guy. He … So he is my soulmate. The first time I met him, I thought he was pretty. As I got to know him more, I felt as if there was a reason as to why the heavens chose him for me you know? He is really cool, but so warm and sweet with me. I think I’m a little bit in love with him.” You admitted.

“I’m really scared to lose him. After I lost you, I just… it was hard… I try my best to be cheerful and helpful really. But it gets tiring at times. I’m glad I was able to make a lot of friends who understand the life of a Jujutsu sorcerer at least. I tried to open up to Noritoshi a bit more. But it’s hard because he seems so closed off at times.”

You had mixed feelings, because you promised Noritoshi you would trust him more. That means working on anything that bothers you regarding your relationship with him. But can he accept it if you tell him that you want to know more about his family? He already clearly stated he needs more time.

“Am I being too greedy and hasty Sora? I want to support his clan affairs, even if it's just a tiny bit as his soulmate. He seems so troubled with it all the time. Like he wants to carry the burden all alone. I want to help, but he doesn’t really let me. I don’t know. I wish you were still here with me.”

“Last time I asked him about his parents, he snapped at me. Of course he apologized. … Maybe it’s all just in my head. But I do want to meet his family. Eventually. Though at this rate I have no idea when. Everytime I ask about them he just shuts up.”

“Falling in love is way too hard….”

The wind blew as if to agree with you. The leaves rusted in a circular dance just around the grave. You smiled.

You bid farewell to your family after the weekend. Hiroki hugged you tight and whispered, “I hope it gets better for you and Kamo kun soon enough.”

You looked up at him, “Yeah, thanks bro.”

◇◇◇

You texted Noritoshi and let him know that you were on your way back. He said he was free for the evening and that you could come over to his room.

You knocked on his door with anticipation. You opened the door, “I'm back, Toshi!” He pulled you into a tight hug and closed the door behind you. “I missed you. Come in. How was your family? Sorry I couldn’t go with you again.”

“It’s fine! They’re all okay and excited to meet you next time.” You looked up at him. He looked a bit regretful, “Next time I’ll make sure to properly clear my schedule with my father so I can go meet them okay?”

“Ah, okay.” You both walked over to his table and knelt down on the floor.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while,” you started. Noritoshi looked on intently. “I’ve already told you about my family right? Mom and dad and my other male cousins. Ah, what I didn’t tell you before was… I used to have an older sister. I - uhm. Well she died after being attacked by a curse. I … I hope to bring you to her grave one day.”

Noritoshi’s heart dropped. He pulled you in close. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure she is proud of you. Of course I’ll go with you to see her next time.” He was now highly regretting choosing to do some useless tasks for some of his clan’s elders instead of spending the weekend with you.

You gripped his clothes tighter. “Thank you, that really really means a lot to me.” You started tearing up, but you blinked your tears away.

"Oh! My family and I have gifts for you. I'm not so sure if you'll like it. It's a Coral and gold bracelet. Everyone in my family has one. It's almost like tradition for us, and we believe it to have a layer of protection. I also brought Jade here for you." You presented the bracelet alongside the Dragon carved Jade Pendant hanging on a thick white gold chain.

Noritoshi's eyes widened. The jewelry was stunning and looked expensive. He may have been favoured as the heir to the Kamo clan, but even he didn't own so much expensive jewelry.

He sputtered out “I appreciate it but I can’t take something so expensive and precious-”

“Noritoshiiii,” you whined out loud, making him stop talking. “You don’t want to accept such a precious gift that I picked out for you?” you whined with the largest puppy eyes.

“No, I- I am grateful. Thank you, I’ll accept it.” Noritoshi conceded.

Got him. You grinned madly as he shook his head. “You’re a dangerous one,” he muttered under his breath. “What was that?” you asked him absentmindedly as you worked on unclasping the bracelet to put it around his wrist. “Nothing, nothing at all dearest.”

You narrowed your eyes at him before grabbing his wrist and putting it on for him. It was a perfect fit. You thanked yourself for loving to hold his hand so much that you knew his general hand measurements.

His hands down to his wrists were so pretty. You didn't realize that you were playing with and smiling down at his fingers until he opened up his hand and linked his fingers with yours.

Slowly, carefully. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing Noritoshi had experienced. Now that he had embraced his emotions and tried to open up to you, it was a bit better now.

'Is this what love is? I don't know since it's my first time experiencing it.' Noritoshi wondered to himself.

It was in the smallest of things with you. He loved the way you would call out his name with loving eyes. The way you would always greet him first before the other senpai. The way you give him coffee and kisses on late and cold nights of studying.

The way your hair smells. Your perfume. The way your eyelids flutter shut when he kisses you. The tightening of his chest and shortness of his breath made apparent whenever he was with you.

The way you don't ask for too much from him. Just that he shows his love to you either by his actions or words. The comfort he simply feels when he is beside you.

He really just needed some time, and seeing you around more often really made up for it.

He ticked the inside of your palm which made you shiver and yelp. He laughed out loud at this and pulled you into his lap, hugging you tightly.

Staying quiet, you buried your head in his chest. You could feel his heartbeat, and it was faster than you expected. But soon it went back down to a steady rate.

"Your heartbeat is so steady, but mine is always wild around you. Noritoshi I feel kinda embarrassed to be honest." You admitted, fingers curling into his kimono.

He smiled and his heartbeat quickened to match yours. You looked up at him in confusion. "Did you just…" He just leaned down to rub his nose against yours. "I am a blood manipulator. I can manipulate my pulse rate darling." You huffed out a laugh, feeling warm and fuzzy.

"I love you." You said suddenly. He stared in shock at your words. You realized that you said it without intending to. But you didn’t take it back.

"Kamo Noritoshi I'm madly in love with you." It wasn't a sudden realisation of being in love. You slowly fell for him again and again each day.

Noritoshi’s brain short circuited.

Suddenly he was kissing you. Tongue slipping into your mouth and playing with yours and rubbing along the roof of your mouth.

You tried to fight his tongue for dominance, but you ended up surrendering, your back bent back with your face turned up towards him.

You clasped your hands around his neck as he pressed deep kisses against the top of your chest. Your face was flushed as you fell limp against him, gasping out heavy breaths. "I'm not going anywhere angel." Noritoshi whispered against your neck, hands tightening possessively against your waist.

‘Please wait a little longer for me. Until I can confirm that these feelings for you are indeed true love.’ His thoughts went unsaid.

The one thing Noritoshi promised to himself is that he would never lie about his feelings for you. To him, the worst he could do was to confess his love without actually being in love with you.

Blood Bound: Table of Contents

[mego42]

OK but!!! Come over here and randomly sink the 8 ball???? Can we talk about this???? Does rio not understand how the game of pool works??? Was he just hanging out playing against himself prior to this??? Is it a metaphor??? Is 8 the only number he knows???? THOUGHTS????

the fact that we open the scene with a center shot of beth, all bambi-eyes and openly???? letting him see???? her vulnerable????????

the fact that she still sees him as a lifeline and turns to him for help in spite of him being demonstrably useless literally every time she’s asked

the fact that he’s open to it and asks what she needs

aaaaaand then shuts her down when she says it’s for dean

but also is still giving her some p solid, if, you know, a touch sociopathic advice

and then the fact that said advice more or less amounts to please let your ~technical husband rot in jail crime wife

and yes, the fact that he is, apparently just hanging out! in his own bar! after hours! alone! playing pool with himself!

which sounds like it should be a euphemism tbh but no! it is entirely literal!

everyone involved in this show is a lunatic including all of us!

i love it!

literally wtf are you doing rio

i would like to point out he is losing to himself which is fucking hysterical

and also extremely apt, tbh

he climbs up the pool cue when he stands. why. to what purpose.

he told her to be smart before he murdered her co-worker and beth’s like, not even phased at all by that reference

i am teLlinG y’alL murder is their foreplay, the hitman thing’s gonna be fine

if anything he’s gonna be hurt she outsourced it

which, valid!!!!!!

why are his fingers so long why why WHY

every time he lines up and takes a shot i make this sort of garbled hairpin in a vacuum cleaner noise

i didn’t ask to be like this

and when he sees that the please let him rot please please please pitch is not helping beth’s stress level he pivots and like, actually tries to be comforting????????

but is also incredibly bad at it

remember when beth was like my husband took my children and rio was like that sucks, here’s an open tab byyyyyyeeeeee

he is not the best shoulder, is what i’m saying

and yet!! she keeps going to him anyway!!!!

he’s like SIVER LINING MAYBE YOU’LL WANT TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND AGAIN AND BETH JUST STEAMROLLS RIGHT PAST THAT

it like doesn’t even register

fuck that guy? don’t be absurd crime husband

also like

who exactly might want to hit what again hmmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMMMM

i am just saying it feels like there are some layErs here

he is so satisfied when she points out nothing sticks to him i want to slap him i want to slap myself i want to slap everyone

i gOt lucK oN my siDe / mayBe yoU do tOo

smells like foreshadowing in here

also jumping back the way his smile s o f t e n s when he says maybe you do too

the urge to slap remains strong but now with a side of leave mE here tO diE

(bringing back @pynkhues​ tag meanderings bc it lives in my head now, is this rio’s way of saying he can protect her class please discuss)

and now we arrive at sink the eight ball

i know it’s ridiculous i know but i can’t help it they’re standing there with a the pool cue and the pool table and it’s all weird tangled intimacy that’s about to flip over into intense sexual tension and i am not coping well with this at all

i’m not okay

THE WAY HE PULLS THE CUE AWAY

AND THE WAY SHE’S LIKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER I STG

let beth boland unhinge her jaw and devour the world 2k21 she deserves it

idk what to tell you beth you like it

like let’s pause for a sec and examine the situation shall we? this ep provides some really interesting contrast between beth’s extremely different relationships with the men in her life.

1. we have dean who is, i would argue, shown throughout the ep to be a complete albatross of guilt and long expired, turned toxic gratitude dangling from a rapidly fraying thread called parenting. he’s furious with beth to the point of not wanting to see her while in prison, choosing to stay in prison to avoid coping with how thoroughly their house of cards is tumbling down and the reality of who beth is and who they are to each other that collapse is exposing. 2. we have fitzpatrick who repeatedly tramples her boundaries in a tunnel vision pursuit of the person he thinks she is and his fantasy of the relationship he could have with this person who doesn’t actually exist and we’ve seen how uncomfortable it makes beth to the point that she finally blows up at him, reasserting who she is and it, idk if i would say scares him, but it definitely turns him off. 3. and then we have rio who she is locked in a nightmare game of cat and mouse with, who she has convinced herself is the source of all of her problems and yet when push comes to shove is still the person that she turns to for guidance and support, who she has no objection to sharing physical space with (i hear rumors the pool scene reads wildly divide and yeah i can see how but i am firmly camp they are both experiencing some stupidly complicated emotional upheaval and that’s what that face is, y’all take it how you will), who is also the only person this ep to witness the single, genuine, uncomplicatedly happy glimpse of one elizabeth boland née marks (who can’t help but grin in response to her joy and honestly who wouldn’t she is so gd cUte before he rips the rug out from underneath her)

i got worked up and forgot where i was going with this

something about contrast

but also the like, comfort and familiarity and ease even when Extremely Annoyed

idk i just think it’s neat

let’s see what else happens

oh right they play """"""""""pool"""""""""""

wait no, we’re not there yet

first rio’s gotta do that big-eyed disney princess look he shoots beth’s way from time to time, 209 being the notable example that comes to mind

h E Lp

so now we’re at sinking the eight ball

yeah, no, he does not know how pool works

i’d say it’s embarrassing but what isn’t with them

SPEAKING OF EMBARRASSING

or maybe i mean inexplicable

i tried to be v hardcore on not letting myself speculate about the pool scene and how it would come to be so sexy bc speculation has only ever led to either disappointment or me getting really, really over the top competitive about it to the point where it isn’t even fun for me anymore (which is saying something) but i couldn’t help spinning out potential scenarios bc like why???? how????? the man is draped over her like a blanket and smELliNg heR haiR surely that doesn’t just happen??????

WHAT A FOOL I WAS

LITERALLY FOR NO REASON AT ALL RIO’S LIKE FUCK YOUR PERSONAL SPACE CRIME WIFE IT’S OUR PERSONAL SPACE

AND BETH’S JUST LIKE YEAH SURE CRIME HUSBAND THIS IS FINE AND NORMAL I HAVE NO FURTHER COMMENTARY

LIKE?????????????????????????????????????????

h An dS

hAn D S

H a nD s

anD theN hE smelLs heR hAir like a fuckiN lunAtic

i just

TO WHAT PURPOSE

SCIENCE P L E A S E E X P L A I N

i know we all like to argue until the cows come home over what specific flavor of sloppy the show is and then we argue with the cows but like

this didn’t happen out of nowhere

they’re setting something up

(they fuckin’)

(do not argue with me or my cows)

thE shoUldeR roLl

no thoughts just that

AND THEN SHE MAKES IT

(and everything b o u n c e s)

AND SHE’S SO CUTE????? MY WIFE???????? I LOVE HER????????????

no but literally when was the last time beth was that happy

it’s so pure

and it makes him lauGh toO

s Of t

and then rio’s like no but seriously fuck your husband let him rot in jail and beth’s facce falls and my heart breaks and everyone remembers everything is terrible bc they are absolutely inFURIATING nigHTMARE PEOPLE who caNNOT USE THEIR WORDs

what was the actual question here i don’t even remember

oh right why the eight ball

probs bc it color coordinated with both his and beth’s outfits bc he is A Heaux Like That