#not surprised that he’s a mikes hard lemonade kind of guy

[rempesluck]

Calgary Stampede, 2024.

[omg-i-think-i-like-you]

Everyone was slowly gathering at the Wheeler's basement. Mike suggested they have their D&D sessions there during the summer. Even though Steve's house was practically empty, Mike insisted they do it at his place because 'he has too many things he needs for playing and can't carry them all to Steve's house', and Steve didn't have the energy to argue with him and kinda liked being at the warm Wheeler's house more than at his own, so the Wheeler's basement it was.

Steve and Robin went downstairs after saying a polite hello to Mrs Wheeler and getting a warm, freshly baked cookie made by Holly, and found Eddie, Mike and Dustin already setting up boards, notes and mini figures on the table. They entered the basement, greeted by the boys and placed themselves on the couch, immediately sinking into their usual cuddly position and joining the light conversation the boys were having.

Jonathan, Will and El arrived shortly after, accompanied by Nancy and a tray of cold lemonade and cookies. Will joined the table and Nancy and Jonathan sat next to the two-headed person that Steve and Robin were. Lucas, Erica and Max burst into the basement door after a few minutes with Lucas apologizing for being late and Erica blaming it all on him, while Max rolled her eyes and sat on the floor, her back leaning on Steve's legs, El came to sit right next to her.

The Party started the game and Max and El moved to Nancy and Jonathan's side of the couch as they started talking, and Steve and Robin were left in their own world. Robin was dozing off on Steve's chest, and he scanned the room with his eyes, smiling to himself as he saw the kids mesmerized by Eddie's storytelling. He then noticed a Rubik's cube on the desk next to him, and reached out, stretching a bit to get it. It was scrambled and he moved Robin a little bit so he can hold it better. He moved it around, inspecting it and then started solving it, Robin woke up from her nap to the soft clicking sounds and looked up, smiling. The cube was solved after less than a minute, and Steve handed it to Robin to scramble. She sat up, stretched and took it, scrambling it in concentration, trying to make it as difficult to solve as she can, and gave it back to Steve, who solved it again, even faster this time. She giggled and scrambled it again, and Steve solved it again. They kept going like that, sometimes Steve scrambling it for Robin and then guiding her through solving it herself. They didn't notice the curious looks of their friends, who stopped talking and playing and laughing and just stared at them.

"Steve, is that a Rubik's cube?" Max finally asked and Steve looked up from the cube, and down at her.

"Yeah," he smiled, "found it here."

"And you know how to solve it?" Nancy asked, surprised.

"Um, yes? I just did like, fifteen times," his smile turned into a more bitter one, not liking the surprise in her voice.

"But how? I mean, I never taught you." Dustin said, and Steve huffed. This fucking kid.

"No, you didn't." He was clenching his jaw now. Is it that hard to believe he can solve a fucking Rubik's cube?

"So who taught you?" Lucas asked now, raising an eyebrow, "Probably Robin, right?"

Robin rolled her eyes, "you guys are the worst. I didn't teach him, he taught me. You want to tell me no one noticed the cube on the front desk at Family Video? it's Steve's, he brought it on our second or third shift, he plays with it constantly, helps him concentrate or something. He showed me how to solve it, and he kind of still has to because I never remember." She finished and crossed her arms, pouting.

Steve sat there, silent, cube unsolved in his hands. He looked at it and slowly moved its parts, solving it step by step, feeling everyone's eyes on him. When he was down he sat back, placed it on the desk and crossed his hands too, still not talking.

"So you learned it all by yourself?" El smiled at him from her place on the floor and he smiled right back at her, something inside him melting.

"Yes, I did," he said quietly and her eyes were still asking, so he continued, "My grandma got me one for Christmas when I was twelve. It sat in my room for a couple of years, didn't really care about it, but one day, I think I was fourteen or fifteen, I picked it up and started playing with it while studying. In the beginning it was just to have something to do with my hands, but at some point I thought it could be nice if I could actually solve it, so I tried. It took some time, and a few different books from the library, but eventually I was able to solve it really fast. I never really stopped since then." He ended with a smile on his face, and scanned the room again, El's smile was wide, and so was Robin's. The boys looked at him in disbelief, not sure how they never noticed that about him before and Eddie, Eddie was in awe. The look on his face was a mixture of adoration and surprise, but a good kind of surprise. He looked at Steve with big brown eyes and a teasing smile tingling his lips, and then stood up, marched towards the table and grabbed the cube.

"Teach me." He declared, handing the cube to Steve. Steve looked up at him, taking the cube from his hands.

"It's already solved," Steve smiled and Eddie rolled his eyes and flicked him on the shoulder. He took the cube and scrambled it aggressively, and then gave it back to Steve, and sat on the floor.

"Please?" he looked at Steve up with doe eyes and butterflies flew through Steve's entire body.

"Okay." He said quietly, and showed Eddie how the parts move, how the colours work and the simplest steps to solving it as a beginner. The kids protested loudly that Eddie left them in the middle of the most important part of the campaign, but Eddie didn't even hear them. He was hypnotized by Steve's soft voice, by the way his eyes moved back and forth from his face to the cube, by his hair falling on his forehead as he looked down, and by him mindlessly fixing it every few seconds. He was frozen when Steve's fingers touched his hands, walking him through the steps again, and almost dropped the cube when Steve let go of it, and let him try the first step on his own. They were lost in their bubble and forgot where they even were, and when Eddie successfully solved it for the first time, Steve clapped and laughed and Eddie hugged him. Steve hugged him back, releasing a sigh, knowing that no matter what others say or think, Eddie will always value him. Eddie will always make him feel worthy and strong and smart, and will always appreciate him for his good parts, even the ones he doesn't appreciate in himself.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

WAit alpha!steve’s birthday would be so cute. Like I feel like they wouldn’t care much about Independence Day but like just the packs like birthday rituals but really done up because it’s the alpha and him just being like “guys stop it’s not a big deal” and everyone just loving on him and being a big family and then watching the human fireworks

A/N- That be Alpha Steves “What are you guys doing? stop!” 

Steve groaned in the early morning that was just starting to filter through the window, his hands shoved under the sheet pooled around his hips, once in a while, an unrestrained thrust would bury him into your sweet heat, your lips so soft where they flowed up and down his shaft.

“Just like that Little One, so good... so fucking good.” he would groan out just short of a growl, and your cheeks would hollow once more, rushes of air coming from your nose until your sunk your mouth back over him, ending where your nose pressed into the short curls, your eyes rolling up to a close before pulling off. Steve soon took over, thrusting into your mouth and down your throat till coming to a shuddering stop, gasping as he felt you swallow, doing your best to take him.

Fuck the Alpha let his pleasure rush over him, holding himself deep in your throat till you grasped his thighs lightly, and he released his hold, letting you pull away. You cleaned him and flipped the sheet up to look at him with a grin, using the sheet to wipe the drool off your chin. “Happy Birthday Alpha.” You shift back up Steve’s body, giving soft bites to his pecs before tucking yourself back into his side, your arm wrapped over his chest as you nuzzled his neck.

“That was quite a wake-up.” He tilted his head and looked down at you, not surprised to see your proud smirk and soft giggles as you lift your self up closer to him, and giving a slow teasing kiss to whisper against his mouth. “I figured you would like that, gotta properly wake my man up you know, especially on your birthday.”

Steve growled good-natured into the kiss, rolling enough so that you got pinned underneath him. listening to your soft little giggles of surprise and Steve lifted the sheet enough to duck underneath it. “Let me finish up with my birthday present, Little One.” Hands and mouth descended down on you, and he worked you up with his tongue, having you cumming on his face while crying his name. He had a devilish grin when he came out from under the sheet, caging you underneath him and claiming a harsh possessive kiss.

Best Birthday Wakeup he had in ages.

The day went on, most of the crew voted to go up to the lot since it was a nice day, at least half a day, and Steve wasn't going to deny them the time and a half pay if they wanted to work it. So they gathered up their equipment, and the crew headed up. You followed Steve out the door, hoping down most the steps, but pausing on the last one and tugging on the customary flannel shirt Steve wore out of the house, it made you grin how he even dressed the part. Turning back, his brows arched, as he stepped back towards you, his hand settling at your waist. “Yes, Little One?”

You brushed your fingers around his shirt collar and leaned in to kiss him slowly, growling against his lips in a hungry way while you kept your touches against the back of his neck innocent and playful. “Have a good day Alpha, we will finish celebrating your birthday later.”

Blue eyes snapped knowing, and grasped your waist instead, pressing you flush against his body, Licking at your lips. “You can bet your sweet ass we will.” making you giggle and press your forehead against his. From behind Steve, Sam called out. “Hey, if you two are done, we would like to get out of here today?”

Giving you one last kiss, while you put your middle finger up at Sam, he gave a howl of laughter, holding onto his side as Steve snapped a hand on your ass in play and left you teetering back and forth from heel to toe on the porch steps before hoping down, headed the opposite way they were.

“I can't believe Y/N just flipped me off like that.” Sam snorted as they finished loading the truck before climbing up in it, and the loud rumble echoed in the garage, before pulling out.

<Ha cause our Mate takes no shit from anyone.> The Wolf obviously proud of his partner and Steve to was smug when he responded. “You interrupted an important conversation Wilson.”

“Riiight. Nothing to do with it being your birthday and you two are still in some kind of honeymoon stage.”

“As if you and Sara aren't like that still.” Steve countered and Sam grinned, winking.

“Trust me, it only gets better with time.”  

Steve watched out his window, thinking about what Sam had said, letting it sink in. His Wolf nudged against his mind. <Trust what your Beta says.>

I do... I believe it. Y/N is home now.

A soft agreeing growl filtered through Steves mind as they pulled into the lot, and got there morning started.

You hurried to gather the Pack, shallow howls letting everyone know the Alpha was gone. With Sara and Wanda helping explain what you wanted to do, everyone was on board, splitting up to gather what was needed, and bring it down to the large lakeshore beach that you and Steve had your first solo run together. It had turned into one of your favorite spots, and today, for the later afternoon and early evening, it was going to be set up just to celebrate there Alpha, the whole pack.

You were waiting up by the gates later when the trucks started coming down from the logging road, Steve came to a stop, and you hoped up, hanging off the door, your forearms crisscrossing on the edge of the window as you poked your head in. “You guys all famished?”

“Starving Little One, why?”

“Come down to the beach once y'all get cleaned up and you will see.” You winked at the men, and hopped back down, before Steve could call you back, you waved your hands at them and disappeared into the woods, heading back towards the lake.

“Do you know what that was about?” Steve questioned Sam, who just shrugged. “well Man the only way to find out is go on down.” Continuing on the road, Steve passed along your invitation to the others, and going down, Steve soon saw what the pack had been up to, and his cheeks went flush, and everyone cheered, and started singing Happy Birthday. Sam grinned right along, slapping his back and laughing at the Alphas reaction. “She has been planning this with the girls all week. How you didn't have any idea is beyond me.”

<I can’t believe she fooled us!> His Wolf barked out, laughing at the surprise and Steves initial shock that his Mate had thought to do this for him.

Steve sputtered, shaking his head as he willed himself to calm down. “ I-I had no idea she was doing this.” You were coming up to him, and ducked into his side, the excited grin plastered on your face. “Welcome to your birthday party.” Steve shook his head and gave you a playful glare, snorting at you.

“I was just told you had taken all week to set this up.”

“Sam!” You growl at Sam

“Steve!” He huffed out, turning it around and started sniffing the air. “Hey them burgers I smell? I uh... Better go find Sara, make sure she gets herself one.” He strode away, leaving you and Steve laughing. The rest of the time, he went down to the picnic tables, all of you grabbing food, laughing, and talking, sharing off one another's plates. A couple of the packs kids enticed a game of chase on the beach. Steve and Clint being the “big bad wolves" that chased after the kids.

You had a cold Mikes Hard Lemonade, watching Steve chase after a little girl and sweep her up just before she raced into the water, swinging her through the air, and into his arms, the girl clinging around his neck as she wrinkled her nose at him, and bared her teeth, pretending to be tough. Steve proceeded to tickle her belly, having her squealing as he swings her down, only to be tackled once more from behind by other kids. Clint tossing them one by one (gently) into the water, piling them off Steve. From further up the beach the White Wolf bounded into the water, splashing around, and the kids abandoned the alpha, running to chase after Bucky.

Steve came over and collapsed on the grassy part next to you, holding out his hand for your bottle, and taking a swing as he handed it back to you. “Well look who showed up to the party.” Steve motioned towards Bucky who was then swimming his hardest into the reeds to hide away from the kids.

“Kids already wear you out Alpha?” you teased and he growled, rolling till you were pinned under him partially, biting playfully at your shoulder. “Never, just wait till it's our kids joining the pack and playing take down the Big Bad Wolf.”

“Your hardly the big bad wolf, more like a sweet puppy.” you giggled as he tickled along your side and you pushed against his chest, looking up at him. “That's not till later, then you can be the Big Bad Wolf, m’kay?” You smirked at him, and with a groan from him and his wolf, he fell back, letting you sit up and reach down to take his hands. “Come on Alpha, it's your birthday.” It was just starting to really get the tinged of twilight all along the lake edge. Someone had started some music playing and turned on some lights hanging from the trees that put the beach in a soft glow.

“You know Little One I don't know how to dance,” Steve said softly as you place his hands at your hips and you settled your hands on his shoulders. Nearby other couples paired off in similar ways.

“Don't worry, I will teach you. Right here and now.” You smile up at him, letting your eyes shimmer slightly yellow in the dark, your Little Wolf with him as much as you were. The two of you swayed softly, your bare feet, rolling the beach pebbles enough so that it was a sloppy dance, ending with you holding onto him around his neck and pressed against his chest, his hands tightening slightly around your waist. The Alpha rumbled lightly, scenting your neck before putting a wet kiss, a press of his tongue against the curve, leaving his scent on you. You hid a smile in his shoulder feeling him.

“Mmhh, I like this.” anytime your body pressed against his, he felt like he couldn't ever let you go, the Wolf would be at ease in his mind having his mate close. You're just turning with the flow of the music when Steve lifts his nose in the air, inhaling deeply. “Ahhh, and now my surprise is about to start.”

“What?” You are inhaling deeply, trying to figure out what he was talking about. The damp lake air smelled as usual of the deep fresh springs feeding it, and the freshwater reed's that lined the edge, but there was a faint burnt smell drifting towards you and a whizz exploded in the air, bursting on the far side of the lake. Above you were a multitude of colors dancing across your eyes and Steve admired the look of amazement on your face, pulling you back up to the grassy area, he lowered into a sit, you to ease back in between his spread legs, and leaned against his chest, watching the display light up the night sky for the fourth of July. The lake below reflecting the glow. “I haven't seen these since I was just a kid.”

Tipping your face, you looked up at him. “Did you arrange this?”

Steve kissed your temple and pulled you in closer against him, his hands resting on your hips, thumbs feathering against your side, his legs caging you into his safety.

“The town does them and asked if they could send them over the lake this year. I opened up the South logging road for them.” Across the lake, you could see shimmering of lights, but it was too far away to see anyone standing in the darkness.

“That was really sweet of you Alpha.” you nipped his jawline, whispering to him. “Happy Birthday.”

Steve let his chin rest on the top of your head, watching the show above them, thinking back on how lucky he was to have you, right here, in his arms tonight and for the rest of his nights.

Like Sam had said, It only gets better with time.

He and his wolf believed that now.

[talkfastromance4]

Cross Her (C.H Part IV)

Summary: With a new album and tour soon to be on the rise, 5SOS’s management has decided to put Calum into a public relationship.

Masterlist

Word Count: 5867

Warnings: finally some smut! and i say ‘some’ loosely, it’s quite a bit in the middle but oh well, some swearing, drinking

Part 1  Part II Part III

• • • •

Calum was nervous. He usually gets the normal pre-concert jitters, the buzz and excitement from beyond the stage attaches to him and he just wants to get out and play. They performed Falling All into You live twice already in New York, but this would be the first time in LA. The first time performing it in front of Grace and that made Calum burst into a cold sweat.

His fingers were twitching the notes in the air and his lips were mouthing the words along with the imaginary chords. He was pacing. He shook his shoulders and rolled his neck to try to make himself a little looser. Nothing worked.

“What’s up with you?” Ashton asks. He’s leaning against a speaker as the third performance is going on.

“Nothin’,” Calum mumbles but continues his pacing, his twitching and his mouthing.

He turns away from the band with his hands behind his neck and his head to the ceiling, eyes closed. It’s sort of working, all the background noise fades a little and he concentrates on his breathing.

Then, small hands and an all too familiar touch to his shoulder caused him to jump out of his headspace. He turns around and sees Grace standing there with her dazzling smile and kind eyes and Calum feels calmness wash over him immediately.

“Hey, rockstar,” she greets squeezing his shoulder a bit.

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles softly.

“You seem tense, why are you tense?” she scowls transitioning her fingers to the back of his neck.

She begins to scratch him affectionately and it feels so good, it gives Calum goosebumps.

“Just a little nervous,” he shrugs. With each scratch and scrape of her nails along his back he feels his body relax just a little bit more. No one’s ever done this to him before.

“Why? You’ve played the song before, right?”

“Yeah, but you’re here. I don’t want to mess up.”

“Even if you do mess up, which you won’t I have complete faith in you, it’s not like I’d notice,” she shrugs. She moves her fingers down his back in between his shoulder blades. She feels him melting and gets a little smug about it.

With past boyfriends she loved scratching their backs, it was her way of showing affection.

“Okay, whatever you’re doing is amazing and worth a hundred points,” he mumbles and she giggles.

“I wasn’t trying to do this for more points, it was to help you relax.”

“It worked,” he smiles lazily.

The eruption of cheers causes their small moment to go on pause; it was time for 5sos to go on.

“Where will you be standing?” he asks and she drops her hand from his back.

“Probably to the side back here with Sierra. I don’t know how your fans will react to me being in the crowd with them.”

He nods in understanding taking her hand in his.

“When we’re done playing want to watch a movie in your new home?” he asks.

“Okay,” she smiles then frowns. “Don’t you have interviews tomorrow?”

“Not until the afternoon.”

“Cal, come on!” Michael hollers from behind.

Calum leads Grace to where Sierra is standing. Before he goes onstage, Calum kisses Grace’s cheek quickly and squeezes her hand.

“Be right back,” he mumbles on her skin then departs. The girls scream louder when Calum comes onstage and pulls his bass strap over his shoulder.

Grace’s heart is beating a mile a minute and she’s very warm. Sierra giggles next to her behind her hand.

“I told you. He’s got it bad for you, girl,” she slings her arm around Grace’s shoulder for a side hug.

Grace doesn’t say anything but smiles so hard her cheeks hurt. The place Calum kissed her is still burning throughout the whole performance. When Falling All into You begins, she forces her eyes to stay open while Calum croons into the mic.

Some girls scream encouragingly and Grace is swaying along to the song and Calum’s voice. When it gets to the last chorus he cranes his head so he’s looking directly at her. It’s as if everything else around them comes to a standstill. All she sees is Calum and hears his voice and all he sees is Grace, but that’s nothing new.

Grace is frozen as the song comes to an end and the lights go dark. The crowd erupts in applause and wild screams. Grace’s eyes are still adjusting to the darkness when she feels Calum’s hand slip in hers and his familiar scent washes over her.

He knows the backstage area pretty well so he leads her further in the back where there’s a red ghost light, the background noise is just that, noise and it’s just the two of them. He’s breathing a little heavy and Grace is about to ask him what’s wrong when he speaks.

“I didn’t write that song for you,” he huffs. Half his face is in darkness and the other half is in a glowing red, his eyes intense and Grace’s heart plummets at his words.

“I kno—“

“I didn’t write it for you,” he interrupts cupping her cheek in his hand and tilts her head up. “But I sing it to you, Grace. Every word is true, I mean it when I sing it because I’m only singing to you.”

She feels his lips on hers and her breathing stops as she concentrates on the velvet touch of his kiss. Then it’s over too soon just as she remembers to breathe. When her eyes open Calum’s already staring at her, his lips parted. He’s waiting patiently as he gauges her reaction.

Grace closes the gap between them and kisses him once more, this time with more fervor but he quickly takes the lead which she doesn’t mind. His mouth molds to hers perfectly. His hand falls to her waist pulling her closer to him and Grace slides her hands up his chest and around his neck.

They kiss in whispers, tongues rolling over in easy conversation. It’s heated and sweet and tender, Grace never wants to stop kissing him. Calum never wants to let go but eventually they do after who knows how long when he hears Ashton and Michael calling for him.

When they part both of their breathing is heavy in the red glow, his forehead rests on hers as he stares into her eyes.

“You’ve no idea how long I wanted to do that,” he confesses.

“Probably as long as I have,” she whispers stroking his cheek. Because she’s happy and greedy she presses her lips to his once more.

Calum complies easily, it’s like her lips were made to fit against his. This time he has both hands around her waist while he kissed her. Grace’s fingers scratched at the back of his head but they were soon interrupted.

“I told you they were making out,” Michael chortles.

Grace pulls away from Calum just enough so their lips make a loud smack and she buries her face in his shoulder in embarrassment from being caught.

“Can I help you?” Calum sighs.

“The venue’s about cleared up if you wanna take this little rendezvous elsewhere,” Ashton explains with a small chuckle.

“Great. Thanks. Bye,” Calum says tightly.

“It’s about time you crazy kids got here,” Michael says. “Sorry for interrupting, Gracie. We’re happy you guys are together for real now. Later.”

Their footsteps echo back to the front of the stage and Grace is laughing in Calum’s shirt.

“I feel like we just got caught by our parents,” she laughs tilting her head back to look at Calum. “But they’re right. This light is making my eyes hurt, let’s get out of here, rockstar.”

“As you wish, sweetheart,” he smiles kissing the tip of her nose before taking her hand in his.

• • • •

It’s Fourth of July weekend and even though the guys don’t celebrate the holiday, Calum wants to do something for Grace. He rents a yacht for the whole day and evening so they’ll be able to watch the fireworks. The day is spent with good food, jumping off the boat and riding the jet skis that accompany the back of the yacht.

The group is photographed from smaller boats the paparazzi are on, but Calum and Grace are the main focus. In one it shows him smiling down at her, shirtless with sunglasses on, as she climbs up the ladder. In another their lips are locked in a sweet kiss. Then she’s cruising on the jet ski making her own waves as Calum watches her admiringly from his. Another photo is of them leaning over the machines to kiss once more but Calum falls in.

“You kiss me too well it made me fall in,” he teases when they’re back on the boat. The guys are still laughing their asses off that he fell in the water.

“Oh please, don’t blame me, buddy,” she sticks her tongue out.

“Sassy,” he grins stepping closer with his hands on her waist. He pinches her skin tickling her and her laughter screams in his ear.

He silences it by kissing her, she tastes like the ocean and watermelon because of the Mike’s Lemonade she’s been drinking all day. His arms wind around her waist, the pads of his thumbs tease the skin just below the waistband of her swimsuit bottoms and she curves her body up into his.

“Hey, behave,” she giggles but doesn’t go to remove his teasing thumbs.

“You’re the one being sassy,” he nearly growls nipping at her lip.

Grace cocks her head to the side observing him and Calum feels like he’s about to get yelled at from the look she’s giving him. She purses her lips and he knows she’s thinking hard about something. His eyes search hers for some sort of clue but before he can try to decode it she’s pulling him below  deck. It’s a lot cooler compared to up top and he’s curious as to where she’s taking him.

They weave behind the stairs where a small lounge area is with a couch and TV. Grace laces her fingers through his turning around so his back is to the couch. She crowds his space—which is surprising considering how small she is—until he’s fallen onto the cushions.

“You want to see sassy?” she quirked her eyebrows.

Calum stares in amazement as she straddles his hips, only the thin fabric of his and her suit is separating them and his body buzzes. He’s never been so turned on by a girl just sitting on his lap but here he is, sporting a hard on with Grace looking down at him with her big beautiful blue eyes.

She removes her fingers from between his and traces the dark ink on his collarbone. Calum’s hands rest on her thighs, her skin is warm from the sun and his fingers tickle her flesh.

“Show me what your sassy is,” he mumbles watching her lick her lips before kissing him softly.

It’s a tease filled kiss, her lips moving slowly against his, she adjusts herself on his lap achingly so and rubs against him. He moans moving one hand to the back of her head to fist into her hair then slips his tongue in her mouth.

His other hand grips her hip not sure if he wants to aid her in rocking on him or hold her in place. Her own fingers squeeze his wet curls and she gains power over his tongue so she can suck on it languidly. Calum’s moan vibrates her whole body and he clenches her suit bottoms in his hand forcing her ass cheeks to fall out. He kneads one of them giving it a slight smack before biting onto her lower lip.

She lets out a breathy moan rocking herself on him even more; he takes note of her response for later but right now he wants to keep kissing her.

“You’re so pretty,” he gasps moving his mouth to her neck. “And so fucking hot.”

“Mm, that’s you, babe,” she kisses his temple making her way down to his earlobe.

She nibbles on it and he hisses against her neck twisting his head so he can kiss her properly. She begins to grind on him again but Calum’s strong hands make her stop.

“You don’t like that?” she whispers against his lips feigning innocence.

“I think you can feel how much I like that, sweetheart,” he laughs. “If I don’t make you stop I won’t be able to stop myself from takin’ you right here.”

“We should put this on pause then, huh?” she pecks his lips making moves to get off him but he holds her there.

“Just. . . just give me a minute?” he asks and she smiles. He removes his hands from her waist to just hold her back lightly. “Are you having a good time?”

“The best time,” she smiles.

Once they rejoined the party they found they weren’t missed at all. Calum’s mind was still racing from their hot make-out session but he couldn’t think about that right now. Grace sat between his legs on one of the lounge chairs as the fireworks went off, his arms were wrapped around her. He’d kiss her temple every now and then, both of them happy right where they were.

• • • •

Calum booked their flight for midmorning the next day and they’d be flying back in the afternoon on the seventh so they wouldn’t miss Ashton’s birthday. Grace was beyond excited to go home even if it was for a short 36 hours, especially if Calum was coming with her.

“Are you sure Francesca said it was okay for you to come with me?” she asks for the millionth time as they settled into their seats on the plane.

“Yes,” he says patiently, “she thought it was a great idea for the song and PR but that’s not the reason I’m doing it. I want to see your home, meet your family.”

“My hometown is nothing like LA,” she warns. “The fanciest restaurant we have is Olive Garden. There are no clubs or raves, just a lot of bars and—“

“I’m not expecting LA, love, I’m excited to see your hometown.” He leans over and kisses her burning cheek that is blushing from his use of ‘love.’

Calum’s first impression of her old home was welcoming and wholesome. Her mother had a beautiful garden in the front and her dog greeted them excitedly, he practically jumped in Calum’s arms. Her mother cried when they hugged and smiled warmly at Calum.

“Thanks for letting me tag along,” he tells her after giving her a hug, “I didn’t want to miss Grace’s birthday.”

“Thank you for bringing her home,” her mother, Vivian, says. “Come on inside, I just cut up some watermelon.”

Calum walks down the hallway with his and Grace’s bags, he’s like a giant in a dollhouse. He loves her room then notices a One Direction poster on her wall.

“Where’s our poster?” he teases turning around to see her setting up the bed.

“I didn’t get magazines with you guys in them,” she shrugs.

“I’m crushed, Gracie. My own girlfriend doesn’t have me up on her wall,” he shakes his head.

“So I’m your girlfriend, huh?” she smirks. “I don’t remember you asking.”

“I’m sorry,” he laughs pulling her against him. “Will you be my real girlfriend?”

“Yes,” she giggles looping her hands around his neck. She stretches up on her toes to give him a quick kiss. “Our anniversary will be the 5th now.”

“I’ve always liked the number five,” he grins smugly and Grace rolls her eyes.

“You’re such a dork.”

“Now I’m your dork,” he pecks her nose.

“Good.” Grace kisses him.

 • • • •

For her birthday they go out to dinner--Calum fits the bill-- and then head out to a bar afterward for some drinks. She runs into some old friends and is happy to introduce them to Calum, she liked showing him off because she’s proud of him. He loved having her on his arm and seeing her let loose in a space she feels comfortable..

This was actually the first time he’s seen her drunk, his girl can hold her alcohol. He loves seeing her think everything is funny and have this glazed smile on her face. He had to carry her to her room, her mother was worried but Calum assured her she was just sleepy.

When he set her on the bed she began taking her clothes off and Calum stopped her hands, he wasn’t sure if she’d be okay with him being here for that.

“Can I get you anything while you change?” he asks.

“Water and Advil,” she mumbles.

“Be right back,” he kisses her forehead and goes into the kitchen. He found a water bottle and was thinking where the Advil would be when her mother came in the kitchen.

“Thanks for taking care of her, here’s some Advil.”

“Oh, thank you. I’m glad she had fun.”

“How is she doing in LA?”

Calum sees the worry in her eyes, he can tell Grace and her mother are very close. It probably kills Vivian to be so far away from her daughter.

“She’s doing great, but I think she does miss home.”

“She told me how this is all . . . fake, but I know my daughter and I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“It’s not fake anymore,” Calum says softly, “I really care about your daughter, I’m serious about her. In fact, I don’t think it was ever fake, at least for me. She’s something special.”

 • • • •

Grace slept on the drive to the airport, then slept on Calum’s shoulder on the plane. It wasn’t until they got into his car that she spoke.

“Need iced coffee,” she grumbles sleepily to Calum.

“Your wish is my command, sweetheart,” he smiles kissing her cheek.

There was a Starbucks near her home so he decided to stop there and Grace held onto his right arm using it as a pillow as he drove. She was going in and out of sleep and Calum started to get a little worried. Did she drink too much and get alcohol poisoning? She didn’t black out but he’s never seen her act like this before.

He pulls up behind another car in the drive-thru then leans over rubbing her head affectionately.

“What do you want, babe?”

“Double chocolate chip Frappuccino,” she mumbles.

Once he’s got her drink, he rips open the straw placing it right in the middle of the whipped cream and hands it to her. She clutches it in both hands like a little kid and takes a hearty slurp.

“Mm, much better,” she sighs happily.

He pulls into her driveway, Calum already got her key and had both of their bags on his shoulder while she hobbled out of the car behind him. Grace makes a beeline to her room but Calum takes hold of her hand spinning her around slowly. He cradles her face in his hands.

“Are you all right? You’re not acting normal.”

“I’m always sluggish after a night of drinking. I got my coffee, now I just need a shower and I’ll be okay,” she mumbles.

He searches her face trying to detect any sign of trauma or pain she might be in. Her eyes are bloodshot and a little droopy.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” she kisses one of his palms against her cheek. “I won’t be long.”

She slips out of his grasp and continues her trek to her bathroom. Slightly appeased, he grabs their bags and brings it into her bedroom trying not to think of the fact that she’s just beyond the door behind him taking off her clothes. He sighs then heads out into the kitchen to find something to eat.

He takes a banana from her fruit bowl then heads into the living room to turn on Netflix, he’ll watch some baking to pass the time and divert his erotic thoughts of Grace.

No longer than fifteen minutes go by when he hears her feet padding on the wooden floors. She walks in front of him to get a blanket and Calum doesn’t even try not to check her out. She’s wearing one of his shirts, the Sensation one, and when she bent down he saw she wasn’t wearing any shorts. Purple lace peeked out from the bottom of the shirt; he suppressed a moan.

Grace collapsed next to him on the couch placing the blanket over her legs.

“See? All better,” she smiles brightly then drags his hand holding his banana to her mouth so she can take a bite.

Calum continues to stare at her, this girl is driving him bananas. Bad pun, but still, she comes waltzing in here wearing one of his shirts with no shorts on, bends down and he gets a sneak peek of her ass in pretty lace underwear?

“What’s the matter?” she questions, eyes wide with innocence but he notices the slight twitch in her lips. As if she were attempting to hide a smirk. As if she meant to do all of this.

“You are . . . unbelievable,” he says softly.

“What?” she laughs taking another bite from the banana.

He tosses the fruit to her coffee table then crowds her back against the couch, he’s hovering above her with her legs tucked against his chest. She squirms underneath him so her legs can adjust around his waist.

“D’you have any idea what you do to me?” he bumps his nose against hers, his hands pulling the blanket off her lap. He trails his palm up her and down her thigh, her sharp inhale coaxing him on as he slips under the fabric of his shirt on her body. He tickles his fingers along her stomach, teasing just below her breasts then back down again just barely passing below the waistband of her panties.

Goosebumps sprinkle her skin and her breath is shallow as she gasps out, “No.”

He presses his lips just below her ear, nibbling on the lobe as he mumbles, “come in here wearin’ my shirt—“ he gives her a wet kiss on her neck letting his fingers rub over her core “—then I see you aren’t wearin’ shorts and shit.” He sucks on her flesh, rubbing his middle finger in circles against her dampening pussy.

Grace places her hands behind his head into his hair, a shaky sigh of pleasure passed her lips. Calum smiles against her skin and continues to mark her up while he teases her over the fabric. Grace opens her legs a little wider and begins to jut her hips up against him.

“I’m s-so-ho . . . oh, feels good,” she moans quietly.

“Can I take these off, sweetheart?” he asks lifting his head from her neck. Her eyes are half open as she nods. He leans back on his knees hooking his fingers under the waistband and pulls them off her slowly. He drops them to the floor then gazes at her bare before him.

His middle finger swipes up her slit, his eyes met hers and she’s biting her lip. So Calum leans down to kiss her hungrily, passionately as his finger plays between her folds. Her legs jerk when he hits certain spots, he removes his hand and she sighs from the loss.

“So pretty baby,” he hums. He goes to slip his finger in his mouth for a taste so it’ll be easier to slip inside her, but Grace captures his hand dragging his finger to her own mouth.

Calum’s heart lurches as he watches her suck on his finger and feel her tongue swirl up and around.

“Fuck,” he nearly growls and she smiles cutely. How can she be so damn sexy and cute all at once?

She releases his finger with a small pop biting down lightly on the tip and he returns it quickly between her legs. She’s wetter than before and his finger slides in easily. Her mouth opens in a soundless gasp, her fingers clutch his shoulders as he goes all the way in.

Her back arches and he slowly pumps his finger in and out, in and out until her eyes close in pleasure. Her fingers curl in his hair, he loves how she always has to be holding onto some part of him. Grace moans as he picks up the pace and returns his mouth to her neck for more love bites. He slips in another finger and fucks her faster, curling his fingers as he does and her moans increase.

Grace rocks her hips into his hand and Calum feels her clench around his fingers, her hold on his hair tightens and her breath hitches as she comes undone for him.

“Just like that, baby,” he encourages, “such pretty moans.”

“Fuck, don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop,” she whimpers pleadingly and Calum scissors his fingers more rapidly.

Her breathing comes back to normal and her body relaxes into the cushions, Calum slows his fingers until he pulls them out slowly. This time, he slips his fingers in his mouth so he could taste her. He moans at the sweet tanginess of his Grace and her eyes slide open slowly.

When he extracts his fingers she crushes her lips to his biting his lip and slipping her tongue in his mouth. His fingers bruise into her hips as he kisses her back. He wants more of her, he’ll happily take what she decides to give him.

“Thanks for that,” she whispers against his lips.

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he pecks her lips and then she giggles. “What’s funny?”

“I definitely got the sensation today,” she giggles louder and Calum laughs along with her. He’s laughing so hard he falls on her chest, their bodies vibrating with laughter.

 • • • •

Grace decides to wear a spaghetti strapped silver sequined dress for Ashton’s party that night. She and Calum were to meet at his house for a drink before going out to the club Poison and when Calum saw her come out in that dress he nearly dropped to his knees.

“You should wear that all the time,” he told her slinking his arm around her waist.

“Even when I sleep? That wouldn’t be comfy,” she scrunches her nose.

“Nah, you can take it off, then,” he smiles kissing her then mumbles on her lips, “or I can take it off for you.”

“Mmm, maybe you can tonight, rockstar,” she smirks kissing him once more.

After a few more kisses they head out to his car, he opens her door and helps her get in, and he can’t stop the smile on his face. It’s so easy to be with her, and this afternoon was amazing. He’s never getting rid of that sensation shirt.

When they enter Ashton’s house music is blaring and the guys and girls are all in the kitchen. They cheer when they see Calum and Grace and Ashton races up to them. He lifts Grace in a hug exclaiming, “WE’RE ALMOST BIRTHDAY BUDDIES!”

Grace is laughing when he sets her down and KayKay brings over a crown that says ‘happy birthday’ and places it on her head.

“My birthday was yesterday,” Grace shakes her head going to take the crown off but KayKay stops her.

“We’re celebrating both of your birthdays tonight!” KayKay exclaims kissing Grace’s cheek.

“Did you plan this?” she asks Calum as Ashton goes to pour some shots.

“Nope, this is all of them,” he laughs looking around at all his friends.

“That’s so sweet.”

“Here, we need to take some birthday shots, Gracie girl,” Ashton says handing her the shot glass.

Grace sniffs it when Calum asks, “What is it?”

“Tequila,” Ashton shrugs.

“I—“

“She doesn’t like tequila, where’s rum or vodka? I’ll take this shot,” Calum takes the glass from Grace shooting her a wink before heading to the counter.

“Shit, I’m sorry Grace I forgot—“

“Don’t worry about it birthday man!” she cheers and Ashton giggles at her.

Calum returns with a new shot glass and hands it to Grace. “Vodka.”

“Thank you,” she stretches up to kiss his cheek.

“Okay, okay, happy birthday to us!” Ashton hollers and they all clink glasses.

Calum downs his shot easily, when he looks at Grace she shivers slightly and fans herself. “Woo! That’s warm in my throat.”

“What the fuck, you took shots without us?!” Luke yells joining the small group. Sierra is right behind him and gives Grace a hello hug then adjust the crown on her head so it’s a little crooked.

“It’s our birthday, man. We do what we want,” Ashton backfires picking up his drink.

“I’ll do a shot with you, Luke,” Grace says. “Have you ever taken a salted nut roll?”

Calum and the others give her a quizzical look.

“Oh you guys are going to love this. It tastes like cinnamon toast crunch. Come on.” She take Calum’s hand leading him to the counter where all the alcohol is.

Calum watches her in amazement as she pours them all the shot she described. Mikey and Crystal came over as well and he loved how well Grace fit in with his friends. His friends are his family and family is important to him, but Grace is slowly becoming more important to him.

The group of eight clinks their glasses then take the shot. Everyone makes an appreciative ‘mm’ from the taste and Grace is beaming which makes Calum swell with happiness. Calum pulls her to him by her waist planting a sweet kiss to her lips.

“What’d you think?” she asks looking up at him.

“Delicious,” he mumbles nibbling on her lower lip. When he pulls away his eyes are filled with lust and Grace’s heart leaps.

 • • • •

The evening passes by in snapshots. The flicker of the strobe lights in the club captures different moments of the group’s outing. Dancing bodies are slowed, in the next frame shots are taken, jump to the next frame and Calum’s hands are precariously low on Grace’s hips.

His lips are on her neck, her fingers are in his hair. The bass of the song keeps the rhythm of their hearts and before their lips can touch they’re yanked apart by Ashton and Sierra.

“You’ve had her for two days! It’s our turn!” Sierra sticks her tongue out dragging Grace away from Calum who has a shocked expression on his face.

Calum joins the boys and sneaks glances to Grace and the girls to make sure she was all right. Every time he looked she’d be laughing or posing for photos with the girls by sticking her tongue out or crossing her eyes which made them all laugh even more.

“Can you believe you two are actually dating for real now?” Michael shouts over the music.

“No, it’s incredible!” Calum shouts back with a huge grin.

“She’s perfect for you, man,” Michael raises his drink in mock toast before taking a gulp.

• • • • 

When it’s time for the club to close they clamber back into the limo and Grace is like a koala on Calum. She’s holding onto his chest with her legs draped across his lap, she’s practically sitting on him and he’s petting her hair.

“You all right, sweetheart?” he asks.

“I—“ she winces as one of the girls shrieks in laughter. “I don’t know.”

“What’s the matter, baby?” he lifts her head up gently but she’s strong and stays glued to his chest. “Gracie, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stuck.”

“What’s stuck?”

“The alcohol . . . in my throat . . .” she groans burrowing further into his shirt.

Calum becomes alert and sober in an instant.

“Are you going to be sick?” he’s still trying to lift her head up so he can get a good look at her.

“Not yet,” she shakes her head.

“We’re almost home,” he assures rubbing her arm.

The group doesn’t even notice Calum and Grace slipping to his car so he can drive her to her house. He’s guessing she’d rather puke in her own toilet than at Ashton’s and he’s thankful her house is close to Ashton’s.

He helps her out of the car and into the house. As soon as her feet hit the landing she’s booking it for the bathroom. Calum runs after her and gets there just in time to pull her hair back as she releases the contents into the toilet.

“Shh, there you go. Let it all out,” he coaxes rubbing her back.

“Gooo,” she moans weakly trying to shove him away. The motion causes her to throw up some more and Calum still holds her hair.

After the worst is done she’s left dry heaving a few times before her body begins to tremble. Calum helps her stand up, flushes the toilet, then gives her some mouthwash. He grabbed onto her elbows to pull her to her bed but she stops him.

“My contacts and my makeup,” she whined reaching for her contact holders.

“Babe, you can do that in the—“

He watches in wonder as she takes out her contacts like she’s done when she’s sober. She even squirts in the solution and screws it shut tight. Then she takes out a makeup wipe, her strength isn’t the greatest at this point so Calum takes over for her.

“Thank you,” she hums then shakes tremendously.

“Okay, let’s get you into bed,” Calum guides her into her room snatching up his sensation shirt she wore earlier.

“No, that’s the sexy shirt,” she cries.

“What?”

“That’s the shirt I want to wear when I want to do sexy things with you,” she pouts struggling to unzip the back of her dress.

“It can still be that shirt, love. We’ll make an exception for tonight, okay? C’mere, let me help you,” he wiggles his two fingers towards him and she stumbles in front of him.

He pulls the zip down its track and she lets the straps loose so the sequined dress falls at her feet. It’s like a disco ball has melted on her carpet. Calum knew she hadn’t worn a bra with the dress, but seeing her breasts on full display for him for the first time, it caught him off guard. He desperately wanted to touch them, kiss them, but knew now was not the time.

He pulls the shirt over her head and she clambers onto her bed, tossing the decorative pillows all about the room. One hits him in the face.

“Hey! Watch it,” he chuckles undoing his belt and removes his clothes.

“Sorry,” she sighs settling under the covers. Her eyes are already closed but once Calum is next to her, she peeks through them. “Can you stay?”

“Of course, I wasn’t planning on leaving.” He yanked his shirt over his head then crawls in beside her.

She rolls over so her backside is curved into his. His arm lays over her gently, he knows she doesn’t like to be crowded, then kisses her head.

“Go to sleep, sweetheart,” he hums.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/01/2021 (Wellerman, Fredo, Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish & ROSALÍA)

I’ve never been more thankful for a song being this big – “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo spends a third week at #1, blocking “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #2. Thank God. Anyway, we’ve got 10 new arrivals so let’s cut the chit-chat and start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Of course, after this brief rundown we always do. Thankfully, the site actually updated last week, so I can go through this as routinely as possible. For drop-outs, it’s a lot of recent new arrivals falling out either off the debut or a few weeks after – most of them being pretty crap – but we do have some notable drop-outs, like “Forever Young” by Becky Hill, “Plugged In Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer, “pov” by Ariana Grande, “Love is a Compass” by Griff, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit and Mabel featuring 24kGoldn, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur, and finally, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. Now to move onto the chart proper, we do have some movement to discuss. Firstly, we have some fallers, those being “Dynamite” by BTS at #32, “positions” by Ariana Grande at #39, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #41, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #43 off of the return, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #46, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat at #47, “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #48, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #51, “Wellerman” by the Longest Johns practically being replaced at #52 (We’ll discuss this more later), “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #53, “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone and Chip at #55, “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #60, “Bad Boy” by the late Juice WRLD and Young Thug unfortunately purging to #62, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #67, “Pinging (6 Figures)” by Central Cee crashing off of the debut to #72 and “Diamonds” by Sam Smith at #74, joining our two returning entries – which are just older songs getting another brief pick-up at the bottom of the charts. Those are “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong and “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at #75 and #73 respectively, by the way. Oh, and we also have “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #65, but I honestly can’t see that song going anywhere – and I really like it. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have any gains, however, as finally, we can see some rising hits trying to fill in the cracks, like both of Rudimental’s debuts from last week: “Be the One” with MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D is up to #58, whilst the incredibly worse single “Regardless” with RAYE is cracking into the top 40 at #40. Sigh, well, we do have some more promising gains, like... “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #38? “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman at #37 off of the debut? Okay, 2021 might end up being pretty rough, huh? Thankfully, we have a plentiful amount of new arrivals to waive any of my fears, so let’s just start with those.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 – “Overpriced” – M Huncho

Produced by Quincy Tellem

Oh, come on! Okay, so this is M Huncho, UK trao’s answer to the late MF DOOM, except without any of the lyrical complexity, storytelling abilities, genuine wit, charming sampling and production techniques, brilliant discography... he’s pretty much just a guy whose main gimmick is the mask, and it’s on this single cover too, seemingly in a museum. This song in particular is just one of these melodic trap cuts with wavy acoustic guitars blended with synths beyond recognition, topped off with odd bass mastering and a checked-out performance from M Huncho, who spends way too much time on his verses going “doo-doo-doo-doo-doo”, before the beat switches for a verse that fades out after like 20 seconds. What’s the point of any of this, honestly? It’s not awful – the bass does kind of knock – but I really don’t understand why this is here, or why M Huncho is a big name. It’s not even as good as AJ Tracey’s trap bangers and it’s not even as funny as D-Block Europe, which I’m surprised by, considering that he had his own stupid hit with “Pee Pee” around this time last year, and that song was actually good. Also, M Huncho, what do you think your fans get from you dissing them? If you’re going to brag about your “house by the lake” and then rap about how some unnamed individual “still lives at their mum’s in a council estate”, consider that a lot of your audience will still live with their parents in council housing or be surrounded by people who do. Someone who really came from poverty should know that this is classist and disrespectful to your own demographic. Yeah, this is worthless. Why’s this guy still charting? At least Young Adz knows how to write a hook.

#65 – “New Love” – Silk City and Ellie Goulding

Produced by Silk City and Picard Brothers

Okay, so we do have some energy on the chart – or at least half of the credited acts have. Silk City is a duo of producers, those being Diplo, a true weirdo in mainstream EDM who’s honestly kind of fascinating and oftentimes a fluke genius (especially in its work in Major Lazer and Jack U with Skrillex), and Mark Ronson, one of the greatest producers of the 21st century so far, probably most known for “Uptown Funk!”. These guys did have a hit together with Dua Lipa in 2018 in the form of “Electricity”, but it’s been a while and I’m interested to see how they work with the complete non-presence that is Ellie Goulding. It’s with some level of disappointment that I say that she’s not a non-presence here, as this is otherwise a pretty neat house tune with some excellent 90s keys and a deep-house groove I think is pretty fun. The strings in the pre-chorus are great and build-up to a fantastic chorus... or at least the instrumental is fantastic, because Goulding is a waste here, mixed way too high and honestly just faltering her vocals here. She sounds awkward through multi-tracking and even worse without it, as she clearly goes for a rough swagger that cannot work with her light, almost fairy-like voice she’s relied on much of her career. The intricacies of this production are really admirable, but Goulding was clearly an afterthought. With a real diva on vocals, or honestly just a sample of a soul or diva house track, this could be excellent. As it is, I’m bored. Next.

#63 – “Typhoons” – Royal Blood

Produced by Royal Blood

Oh, okay. Well, this is a pleasant surprise. Royal Blood are an English garage rock duo that rock pretty hard, and don’t go for anything else beyond that, which to me is a breath of fresh air, and, yeah, this is good. Is it as good as their debut? Of course not, their biggest hit “Figure it Out” is still incredible, and this one goes for a more synthesized 70s feel, even accentuated by disco keys in the pre-chorus. The riffs are still here though, as that main guitar line is pretty awesome. I see this as a mix of garage rock revival bands from the 2000s like the White Stripes, as well as some stoner-adjacent bands like Queens of the Stone Age, with a more classic hard-rock groove and Mike Kerr’s signature yelp, and it works for what it is, so I’m excited for that upcoming single. Nothing’s particularly impressive here, but I’ll definitely go for this over the rest of what we have charting, so I’m not complaining. This is good, you should check these guys out, even if they tend to be a bit derivative. That tense bridge with the looming background vocals and intensifying riff is genuinely epic, by the way, even if there isn’t much more of a pay-off behind just... the chorus again, which ends up rendering as flat as a result. Regardless, it’s a good break from the norm – which for a chart week like this, I’m especially glad is here.

#61 – “Your Love (9PM)” – ATB, Topic and A75

Produced by ATB, Topic and Rudi Dittmann

German DJ ATB was showing his girlfriend his new recording studio when he got carried away with a single guitar sound and made a song out of it, “9PM (Till I Come)”, named after the time the track was finished. Later on, he took the track and added some whispered vocals from Spanish model Yolanda Riviera. This happened in 1999, by the way, when this song was released to great success in Europe, leading to a hilariously dated album cover but still a UK #1. The song is honestly kind of bad, relying on a pretty typical house groove, ugly MIDI guitars and that seductive vocal loop. Regardless, since 90s nostalgia has come way too fast, Topic has remixed the track with A75, a collaboration we’ve seen before on “Breaking Me” from last year, which sucked. To be fair, the original song is pretty empty, so I’m interested to hear A75 add some vocals... and he just sounds pained over a deep-house rip of the original. The ugly MIDI melody stays, just now it’s drowned out and even more synthesized – this is the guitar sound you liked so much? I hope she left you. Let’s move on.

#59 – “My Head & My Heart” – Ava Max

Produced by Jonas Blue, Earwulf and Cirkut

Speaking of being bored, here’s pop singer Ava Max, with a new lead single from the deluxe edition of her debut studio album, Heaven & Hell. This one’s produced by Jonas Blue, which, alongside a redundant “Jonas Blue remix”, is probably why it’s charting. What’s sad is it’s not really very good, as the vocals are over-processed over fake hand-claps and clipping mixes that make those plastic synths sound even worse. Admittedly, I like the rubbery future bass-esque bass line here, but that’s really as far as my appreciation for this goes, as the writing is non-existent, and Ava Max is barely here. It’s honestly really similar to “New Love”, except this one’s not even as interesting as that track, going for an exhaustingly tired house-pop style that while she is a natural fit for, it does make the 2000s synth-pop she started with sound inspired in comparison. Oh, and the “Jonas Blue remix” is practically a glorified bass-boost that makes this sound even uglier, so, yeah, skip this.

#42 – “Apricots” – Bicep

Produced by Bicep

Bicep is a Northern Irish electronic duo from Belfast, and this is an instrumental from their most recent album, Isles, which clearly must have stood out enough for it to debut at #42. I can understand why too, as that sample from Hugh Tracey’s African music recordings, particularly the vocal sample used, is really infectious and interesting. I don’t think everything surrounding it is enough to really make it less annoying, as it running through nearly the entirety of a four-minute track makes this sample lose its lustre too quickly. It runs its course far before the song has the chance to build up into a house track, with that sample crushing everything that isn’t the percussion in the mix anyway. The keys are really cool, and I can’t fault the strings and ambiance that keeps the song building up for as long as it does. It also takes a sample from a Bulgarian folk choir, which they paralleled to the Celtic folk they grew up hearing, and honestly, this is just a cool blending of global music rather than an actually good song, ending with me respecting this more than actually enjoying it. The synths by the end sound fantastic as does the Bulgarian chanting, but it doesn’t really have a great climax or drop to make the build-up worth it, defaulting to a generic house groove by the end that fades out before it can have any real impact. So, yeah, this isn’t bad, but feels like a waste of some really great ideas. I guess I can say that “Northern Irish remix of an English ethnomusicologist’s recordings of African music that also samples a Bulgarian folk tune” isn’t quite as much of a developed idea as “Kazakh remix of an American rapper of Guyanese descent’s trap song in a Brazilian house style released on a Russian record label”.

#35 – “Lo Vas A Olvidar” – Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA

Produced by FINNEAS

It’s not often that songs in non-English languages chart in the UK. Whilst in the US, Latin music is such a force that it’ll launch hits for many Spanish-speaking artists, this isn’t the case in decidedly smaller Britain, where a still multicultural society tends to produce art that is always in English. To be fair, we don’t have a place like Puerto Rico, and the few songs I’ve talked about this year that have been in a different language... well, basically the one song I can remember off the top of my head, was in a Nigerian Creole language. So, why’s a Spanish song by Spanish artist ROSALÍA charting so high? Well, it’s also a Billie Eilish song, and it’s also from the HBO teen drama Euphoria. Yeah, a teen drama makes a lot of sense for Eilish to soundtrack. This has been teased since 2019, and is actually ROSALÍA’s first song to chart here in the UK, so is it any good? Well, yeah, actually, it is. Both Eilish and ROSALÍA have excellent whispery tones that complement FINNEAS’ muted, ambient production perfectly, and their harmonisation sounds great, with both singing in Spanish here for the most part. That chorus is pretty janky, though, and I don’t really see the point in the Auto-Tuned interludes, even if they both sound great playing off of each other with a lot of tuning in the outro. This is pretty minimal and dare I say awkward, kind of eerie, so I don’t see it sticking around, but as a longing break-up track, they both sell it well. Next.

#28 – “Skin” – Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by Ryan McMahon

Joshua Bassett’s response flopped immensely, meaning that now it’s Sabrina Carpenter’s time to shine, because if it’s anything she gets out of this Disney love triangle, it’s a hit song, and people clearly want to hear more from the women than they do from Josh. Telling. Now I’m not one to follow Disney teen drama because this is all a marketing gimmick. I mean, the songs dropped every Friday so anyone who can’t see through this is either blind or... a child, and considering the audience, that second one is more likely, which is fine. Popular music is, ultimately, in the hands of teenagers and record executives, and all of these break-up response diss track... things, tend to feed into both hands, whilst also giving these talented young actors a bigger break. This is Carpenter’s first charting hit in the UK, after all. The song is decidedly worse than “drivers license” though, and by a lot, as the mixing here isn’t even competent, as Carpenter’s voice clips through these ugly pianos, worsened by how her voice does not sound great here at all, as she struggles through that terrible chorus. She may say that this isn’t a response to Rodrigo, but given the lyrics and how quickly this rushed release was put out, are we really supposed to believe that? The percussion here is gross as well, drowned in bad reverb that makes this just sound grey and dull. The strings building up to a climax are barely there, and when they are, they sound like they’re elevating a really garbage performance from Carpenter, who can barely keep up. This is supposed to be a ballad yet it sounds so stiff and controlled, meaning that Carpenter trying to let loose on the vocals makes this awkward and painful. I’m sorry, but this is really bad, and I hope it doesn’t stick around. Thankfully, I don’t see that happening.

#20 – “Back to Basics” – Fredo

Produced by Dave

Lil Chocolate Frog’s got a new record out this week that I’ve yet to hear, and this is the lead single, produced by his long-time friend and collaborator, Dave – who’s awesome. I’ve typically been less kind to his mate Fredo but honestly, his ever so slightly off-kilter style has grown on me too, and this song is a pretty good introduction to that. It’s one verse over rattling trap hi-hats and a really eerie vocal sample, and Fredo flows casually and smoothly over the beat, in his typical careless, just barely there style, which works well over a pretty subtle beat like this. Fredo’s lyrics are pretty interesting here too, as amidst flexing and gun-play, he has some pretty funny lines, although far from Dave’s wordplay, rather relying on fun one-liners where he says he’s “kind of Christian”, doing revision on drug trafficking, will run for mayor, and because of how much of the gang violence is sadly amongst ethnic minorities, he himself is racially profiling his “opps”. One line near the end of the track actually made me laugh, when he says he counts up twenties while eating porridge. It’s not funny on paper, sure, but the delivery is gold. He shows more character here than he has since “Funky Friday”, also with Dave, so I’m pretty excited to hear this record, which Dave actually executively produced. It’s also got the late Pop Smoke on a track with Young Adz, so at least I’ll let out more of those laughs. This lead single is pretty good though, and I can see it going top 10 next week with the album boost.

#3 – “Wellerman – Sea Shanty” (220 KID x Billen Ted Remix) – Nathan Evans

Produced by Saltwaves, Billen Ted and 220 KID

Last week, the sea shanty “Wellerman” charted as a cover by the Longest Johns. It’s a fine acapella cover, and this version, by Nathan Evans, was originally similarly acapella, except for the tap of a table as percussion to keep time. This version got even more viral on British TikTok, and if I recall correctly, he quit his job to be signed by Polydor, which is pretty scummy on Polydor’s part. I mean, you know this guy won’t have any more hits. Regardless, this version debuted at #3 thanks to a remix by DJs 220 KID and Billen Ted, three English producers. According to their Spotify duo, Billen Ted used to be a death metal band of all things but then transitioned into writing for dance-pop tunes, and have worked with 220 KID, even if this is technically only their second single. This remix is actually pretty cool to be honest, as it takes the original track and adds some needed energy, mostly through this generic 90s house beat and some admittedly really nice pianos. It’s nothing special, and I would usually criticise something this generic, but the song’s not even two minutes and it’s a pretty inoffensive remix that genuinely adds to the original song through that brilliant flip of the original hook melody in the drop, so I can’t complain. This won’t last, but I’m not mad that it’s here.

Conclusion

I’m actually somewhat pleased with this chart week, which I wasn’t expecting initially, as you can probably tell from my above cynicism. Regardless, we’ve got some variety here (though I don’t see much of it sticking) and I’ll give Best of the Week to Royal Blood for “Typhoons”, with a tied Honourable Mention for “Back to Basics” by Fredo, and, God damn it, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted. Shut up, it’s fun! Worst of the Week will probably go to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Skin”, with a Dishonourable Mention for the complete lack of effort that is M Huncho’s “Overpriced”, just being mildly offensive if anything. Here’s our top 10:

For next week, I mean, a girl can hope for some Weezer, but it’s more likely that we’ll be met with a Fredo album bomb and some scattered efforts from that middling Lil Durk deluxe edition. For now though, you can follow me @cactusinthebank for more ramblings and thanks for reading. I’ll see you next week.

[spinachdrum]

Day 5 (Summary) + Day 6 (love them)

Welcyum! 

We’re doing double time today! Day 5 we literally didn’t do anything. Like, we went outside for maybe 40 minutes tops total. The air pollution was pretty bad yesterday as well as a heavy day for me (sorry period TMI) so we decided to stay in and take a day to relax and do homework to stay caught up! We did eat at a really nice restaurant across the street from our Airbnb called 김네 and it was the size of a SHOEBOX but god it was good. I had a 돈맛도시락 and Nichole had 김치찌개. So yummy! Later on we got chicken from this TINY little place across the street and--oh my god. So good. Probably the best chicken I’ve ever had?! I tried to give the ahjumma my extra $3 like a tip but she was laughing and made me take it back ;~; 

김네! And the chicken place:

DAY6

Today was seriously so fucking fun! We were out for 9 hours just walking around Hongdae and it was seriously one of the most fun days we’ve had so far. We finally had to go to Seoul Station to transfer lines to get to Hongdae, and it was so weird that I could almost remember pretty perfectly the path through the entire station to get to the train to Hongdae. This station is also SO BIG and it took us forever to get through it from our train to the connecting one, lol.

And then we finally arrived in Hongdae!! I love it here.

So naturally because we came kind of early, we decided to eat lunch first and then walk around and do stuff! We wanted to go to a cafe, there was a store Nichole was looking for to try and find this scary baby toy (spoiler alert: it was gone), A-Land, and then later on we wanted to eat dinner and noraebang! 

Our first stop: Meat-ing! 

Such a good kbbq restaurant. It’s all you can eat!!! And it’s super cheap!! Lunch was only 12,500.00 per person for A BUFFET. And they have suuuuch good meat, too. Ugh I could honestly eat here everyday, lol. It’s cool too because they actually will charge you if you leave any leftovers that you leave on the table to encourage less food waste. So only get what you can eat, and eat what you get!!

Potatoes, kimchi, lettuce, hot rice, meat....YUM. I was soooooo full by the time we finished, and then I was like, oh god, we have to walk around all day now. Seriously so fucking worth it, though, it was so good.

Afterward, Nichole wanted to look for this little store she saw in a video that had this really ugly baby toy in it, lol. We did find the store but the weird baby doll was gone :( so afterward we decided to go find A-Land! It’s a department store kind of, but it has the full range of COSRX products so we really wanted to find it and buy some! I’m running out of snail power essence so I’m glad we went.

However, on the way, we passed by the TRICKEYE MUSEUM!!! 

We decided, fuck it, we’re going in!! It was super cute and really fun! You can download this app that makes all the paintings and stuff come alive, it’s super cool!!

Here’s me being a mermaid! 

This section was so fucking weird!!!!! I had to take a million pictures of it. Like why is the lady in the back so giant and everyone is NORMAL SIZED???????

This room was my favorite :) I love the moon, so I was really happy about this room and I actually really like how this picture came out which is surprising because it’s of me :’) 

Also, inside the TRICKEYE MUSEUM, there’s an ICE MUSEUM! It’s not really a museum, though, it’s basically just like 3 different sections made completely of ice. It was so fucking cold in there, but omg, it was so cool and there’s an ICE SLIDE!!!! I went down it and screamed cause I had to touch the ice to get back up, LOL. 

From the top of the ice slide looking down! 

And from the bottom! I actually loved the ice museum, hehe. Note: your ticket to the trickeye museum also gets you into the ice museum!! And it’s only like 15,000.00 won! 

ALSO: there was this bronze statue at the bottom of the stairs right outside the trick eye museum of a guy and of course his dick was just like out. Full on full frontal pee-pee. Right? And Nichole made me take her picture next to it, and then right after, these two Japanese guys tapped on my shoulder and asked me to take THEIR picture with it!! I was cracking up because they did the GOOFIEST pose next to this statue with full wang. So funny.

Not related: look at this pretty building!

After, we found A-Land, and we bought some skincare stuff! We still weren’t hungry so we just kind of wandered around a little bit; we were looking for a cat cafe (not very hard, just wandering in case we found one) but we actually stumbled upon A DOG CAFE. 😭😭♥️

This place... was SO Cute. There were so many cute dogs (there was a GIANT great dane that greeted us with his big ol BOOF BOOF barking!! and his name was Ben!!!) that came up to us and just hung out and begged for pets. Some of them were so tiny and they were so cute. There was this one tiny little toy poodle and the way its legs moved was so funny and it reminded me of Mike from Monsters INC so every time it was running I was like “scaryfeetscaryfeetscaryfeet”. Also, it was so sweet because you could tell the employees really, really cared about the dogs. They were constantly petting them, massaging them (some were quite old), and just treating them so gently. It made me so happy. These doggies were sooooo well cared for and it totally showed. 

This baby took my seat immediately so I had to sit on the very edge of the seat to give him room, hehe.

We stayed here for a long time! Like an hour and a half, just petting and playing with the dogs and drinking lemonade. I’m pretty sure everyone on Instagram wanted to kill me because I wouldn’t stop posting pictures, LOL.

We finally decided to leave the cafe, even though we could have stayed there all day. We were super close to the Kakao Friends store so we went to that next!! And omg, it was so cool.

It’s so big!! And the glass front is so pretty~ 

It’s also THREE FLOOOOOORS. The first two are the only ones with merchandise, the third floor is the RYAN CAFE! Which we went to! The second floor was really cute and I saw another one of those wireless keyboards with the round buttons and decorated with Ryan.. SO TEMPTED.... but my laptop already has a keyboard!!! ARGH....

What a view. Korea, I love you.

The cafe! :D We got two cupcakes, vanilla and chocolate. And LOOK HOW CUTE:

After this, we really wanted to go noraebang, but we wanted to eat first. We still weren’t quiiiite hungry, so we were going to walk to Artbox, but on our way there we walked RIGHT into some busking!! These two girls from Singapore were dancing to k-pop and they were SOOOOO good. They were doing BLACKPINK when we arrived, and we decided to sit down and watch for a little bit! There was this guy sitting across from us who was mouthing along and kind of dancing to himself sitting down and it was so cute. And then after BLACKPINK finished they went to TWICE--in the middle of it the cute guy got up and jumped right in and danced with them!!! 

He was also sooooo good!! He was having so much fun and laughing and blushing since everyone was cheering for him!! I caught a lot of it on video but I filmed it in portrait and not horizontal, LOL. But he got up a bunch to dance with them, and I got some of him dancing to GASHINA and it’s SOOOO CUTE! 

Soooo adorable. And all three of them are soooo talented! We actually sat here and watched them for a really long time, forty-five minutes passed before we realized it and we were hungry again! We actually went to a restaurant RIGHT behind this because they had a bunch of kinds of fried rice and omfg.

Why is all the food here so good?????? IT’S SO GOOD!! 

Forgot to take a good picture of the food, but this is the restaurant, lol. 유가네닭갈비 and we had the marinated chicken bbokumbap. Ugh. So good I could die.

And to end the night: NORAEBANG! There was a basement noraebang right next to this, so we went to it, and it was SO FUN. I recorded a bunch on instagram and didn’t any pictures, but omg, so fun. We did BLACKPINK, TWICE, GOT7, BTS, DAY6, Dean, and TAEMIN, because everyone knows how much I love TAEMIN, lol. I’m sure we sounded insane because we were just yelling and screaming into the microphones and mumbling through the korean words we didn’t know, LOL. We were in here for a good hour and a half and I was singing so loud and laughing so hard that I started coughing and thought I was going to throw up. LMFAO!! Worth it.

I wish I was hungry as we were leaving, because we walked by a bunch of street food stalls on the way back to the station and my god they looked SO DELICIOUS. UUUUUUGH. They smelled really good, too. But next time! We were really tired by this point and were pretty ready to go home since we’d been walking around since 12pm. 

It was a really calm train ride back. I know I said in my last post about how much I love the subway and it’s just so true. I don’t know what it is, but I love it so much. 

We finally got home at around 9:45 and here we are! Ready for bed and so beyond happy I could explode. If I could just stay and not go home, I really would.

Until next time! ♥️♥️

[ashcaplan]

Ash Vice (Birthday Party Chatzy)

Apologies for any errors in editing. Immo did most of it, and did an amazing job. I just finished it off.

One of the perks of being the 'birthday boy' was knowing that he didn't have to set anything up or clean it after. Ash wasn't enough of a jerk to mess with the whole fashionably late thing. It had never made sense. Less time to socialise with his friends or make new ones that way. He'd arrived with River, right on time, her leading him by the shoulders onto the beach with a blindfold over his eyes so he could get a real look at the decorations and lights only at the perfect moment. He could hear the music, the chattering of voices, the waves lapping the shore. "Enough with the blindfold already. If you walk me into the ocean or make me fall over, I'll be very disappointed," he joked with a laugh in his voice, already reaching up to pull the blindfold away.

River slapped Ash's hand away when he tried to reach up for the blindfold. "Be patient, dude!" she chided playfully. She'd been here helping to set up for most of the day, getting things prepared, and had gone back to pick up Ash once everything was ready. "I'd never walk you into the ocean. I know you'd kill me if I messed up your suit. She guided him to where most of the crowd was waiting on the beach, drinks already in hand and socializing with each other. With a huge smile, she reached up and yanked the blindfold off of Ash's face. "Welcome to your party!"

Milo tugged at the bottom of his tank top. He felt a little silly wearing it, but they were on the beach after all. He glanced up, away from the ocean and grinned when he saw River and Ash coming in together. For the time being, he stayed where he was to give them more space.

Maya arrived a couple of minutes later than she intended to, but she did have a hollow cake to haul in. She parked at the far end of the parking lot, just in case Ash came up for some reason. She wasn't sure it was supposed to be a surprise. Better safe than sorry though. With the cake safe for the moment she made her way down to the beach to join everyone else, stopping first of course for a drink.

Miguel didn't really have a reason for going to the beach, except a friend of his coven - who was just a bit younger than him - had insisted that he needed to go and that no one would mind him at the party. They said that anyone would be happy to have a cute dad type like Miguel at a party. He didn't know about that. But it had been a rough couple of days at the hospital since the new residents had just started, and he could use a way to let off some steam that wasn't drinking alone or jogging alone or baking alone. He could at least drink on the beach surrounded by a bunch of people he didn't know. That was better... obviously.

Grace didn't know who Ash was, but Alia was friends with him, and that meant putting on a pretty white and mint green floral dress, doing her make-up in an 80s style and accompanying her girlfriend to the beach. Anywhere with free alcohol and free blood was good enough for her, and she already recognized a few people she knew. "I'm going to go and mingle. Tell Ash I said hello," she whispered in her girlfriend's ear, kissing her cheek and squeezing her hand before slinking away to get a drink.

Milo noticed someone else who looked a little unsure. "Hey man," he said. "You here for the party?" He assumed as much, but he wanted to make conversation and meet people whenever possible. The guy seemed nice enough, and Milo hated to see anyone stuck without a conversation partner.

Miguel coughed a little of the beer he had grabbed back into the bottle, and some onto the sand. He looked over at the man who had spoken and swallowed hard before clearing his throat. "Excuse me, uh. Hi, yes." He smiled sheepishly and offered a hand to shake. "I'm Miguel. I uh, don't personally know the guest of honor but a friend brought me." He didn't want anyone to think he was just here for the free drinks.

Ciara felt exposed. Not because of the short dark green dress she had picked up specifically to have something to wear for this - most of her summer clothes still being in Reno - not because of the open sky, either, but because of the number of people. After some of the things that had happened recently, she felt just a little more on edge than usual. It felt like half the town was coming, and Ciara couldn't for the life of her work out why her client had wanted to meet here for the exchange. Maybe it was just the most convenient thing for them, but they hadn't even shown yet. The socially late type. Nevertheless, she wasn't going to let it throw her, and had already exchanged warm greetings with a couple people before making it to the bar, ever the social chameleon. She could feel the bottled blood behind the bar, human and animal alike as she ordered a martini, her curiosity peaked.

Ash gasped when River pulled off his blindfold. The white lights lit up the darkening sky and there were pastel and white decorations everywhere, mixed in with neon glow sticks and of course, plenty of food and alcohol. "I love it! You and Bella are the best." He gave River a big hug, already helping himself to some snacks and draping a glowstick necklace around his neck. "Please tell me we also have cuban cigars. Sometimes a guy's just gotta indulge." He said, as if that wasn't literally all he did.

River raised an eyebrow. "Sometimes?" she teased. But they'd prepared for all the indulgences. She gave him a quick (and probably awkward looking) wink, guiding the naga over to the bar. "A hurricane and a cigar for the birthday boy," she said. "And uh...an apple juice." She spotted Maya at the bar, leaning back behind Ash's vision and giving her a thumbs up accompanied by a questioning look, assuming she'd know it was about the cake.

Iann was notoriously bad at social gatherings. He became obnoxious (okay...more obnoxious than usual) and therefore often semi-hostile. He hated small talk (even with friends) and found 'socializing' without any purpose was...well, tedious. But hey - Ash Caplan was a cool kid and he promised Grace he'd be there to talk about...something or the other. Shop-talk. He arrived, stomping through the sand and surprised to see how many people were already there. Ciara looking like she wanted to die, Maya at the bar...most people at the bar. It looked like he made it just in time for the birthday-naga to arrive as well. "Who planned this?" Iann asked, sidling up to the bar, and asking randomly out loud to no one and everyone. "It's elaborate. I'm impressed."

Maya got a Hurricane from the bartender before turning to observe the party. It was more people than she'd expected or felt 100% comfortable with. As Ash and River approached the bar Maya watched them out of the corner of her eye. She wished that she could help the uptick in her heartbeat. When River caught her eye she nodded up towards the parking lot. "No idea," she said to Iann who probably wasn't talking to anyone in particular and had just walked up to the bar, "I'm just here for the free booze."

"Can you imagine if Ash did it for himself?" Iann snickered, then put on a bad Louisiana accent. "All this? Fo' me? Hien!"

Grace spotted Iann, at the bar just like almost everyone else was. It made sense. What was the point of these things if not for the free alcohol? She listened in on his conversation, not exactly snooping, but curious about when exactly to jump in. It was truly no surprise to her that he was already poorly imitating what she could only imagine was the poor boy's accent. "Oh, Iann. Have you ever considered a career in comedy?"

Milo chuckled. "I can imagine you're not the only one." He glanced around and waved at someone else he knew. Ash was a popular guy, but Milo was sure a friend or two were along for the ride. That was the way this kind of thing often went. "Having fun so far?" he asked as he eyed the drinks around them. There was a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade that he found enticing. Reaching over, he grabbed one. "Cheers." He lifted the drink slightly before popping the top off. He wasn't sure how long he was going to be here, but starting small seemed like the best bet.

Miguel "Cheers," Miguel repeated as he held his beer up to the other man's hard lemonade. He took a big gulp and smiled. "Yeah it, it has a good energy, you know? Even if I don't know anyone here." He smiled at the other man. "Speaking of which, what's your name?"

"My bad." Milo stuck out a hand. "I'm Milo. It's nice to meet you." He took a swig of his lemonade after, pleased that his little half-toast was being played along with.

Maya laughed. "I think that would have to mean he had any interest in a career," she said in the spirit of good natured ribbing. She didn't imagine Iann as someone with a 'career' per say. "Anyway I think someone at least had to help," Maya added, "I know River was in charge of cake."

Iann looked at Grace and gave the vampire an appreciative whistle, but then looked behind her almost hopefully. Like he was expecting Alia not far behind, but the naga was chatting with others, for now. "Looking good, Gracie." Iann just got a club soda and lime. Anything harder would lubricate his nerves, but also make him 100x more annoying to everyone. Besides, he wasn't in the mood to drink. Iann took a gulp of his soda, then raised his eyebrows in surprise at Maya. "No shit? I thought you'd jump at the chance to make a birthday confectionery, Maya."

Maya smiled, "Did I say I didn't help?" Of course it was more complicated than that given her recent history with River. But Iann, she assumed, knew that River had gotten her anger issues sorted.

Grace rolled her eyes, ordering a cocktail of vodka and fairy blood to get her more in the mood for tolerating this much company. "It's been exactly one day since you've called me Gracie. And here I thought I might get a reprieve."

Ash spotted Maya and came over to give her a big hug from behind, resting his head in the crook of her neck for a moment before straightening up again. "Aw, I thought you were here for me? Never mind. My booze is your booze. Or more accurately, Bella's booze is your booze."

"No we agreed on no more 'c.b.', if I recall correctly. Besides, I think you could pull off 'Gracie' with style." Iann looked behind him at Maya and Ash, and forgot to say 'Happy Birthday' to the naga. He turned his attention back to Grace, motioning her away from the bar once Grace got her drink. "So what's this plan you have? With Ciara?" Iann turned and glanced at the witch, who still looked like she pleasantly wanted to die. Pleasantly.

Maya stiffened for a moment when someone hugged her from behind. She'd been distracted by Iann and the woman who's name she couldn't remember. At the sound of Ash' voice though she relaxed. Smiling she turned to look at him, "I can be here for both. Especially considering I was promised a housewarming party where I could beat you at poll which has yet to materialize."

Ash lost track of which parties he was supposed to throw. Nowadays he mostly went to other people's, mostly because Soapberry always had something going on, and he was curious by nature. "Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Well, there was no house-warming party, but the pool table is still there any time you wanna visit." He'd finally found the cigars, in a big presentation box near the bar. "Aha!" He grabbed one, breaking off the end of it with his teeth and putting it in his mouth. "Now I feel like I really belong in Miami."

Miguel Miguel chuckled softly. Upon the handshake, Miguel felt the elemental power of an antronach. He smiled not only at his luck of finding one of the more rare species of supernatural, but also at the friendliness of the other man. "Nice to meet you too, Milo."

Grace gave a little huff, and then a chuckle. "Very well. I suppose I can't have everything." Iann would simply be Iann. There would be no changing it. She spotted Ciara nearby, but wasn't sure whether she was supposed to say hello or not. There were lots of people around. She settled for a small wave and a smile.

Iann paused, watching Grace waving to Ciara. He looked at Ciara, then back at Grace. "We...can go say hi?" He didn't wait for an answer, and instead headed towards Ciara. He figured Grace would come along, or not. To Ciara, he said, "Hey girl. Come here often? You look so familiar. What's your sign?"

Ephram considered it part of his 'duty' as Sheriff to attend every event in town that was a free-for-all, so even though he hadn't met this birthday naga before, he cheerfully made his way down to the party, shuffling through the sand in velvet loafers until he found a young man with a cigar in his mouth. Clearly the man of the hour. "Hey there," Ephram greeted Ash, holding out a hand. "Ash, right? I'm Ephram, good to meet you. Happy birthday." He held out a huge sack of brightly coloured candy from one of the magical places in town, some of it sparkling, some of it moving, some of it changing colours. "Din't rightly know what sort you'd like, so I got you a variety." Ephram had not considered that a person turning twenty-four might not want a big bag of candy, because in his mind who didn't want candy.

Maya 's smile didn't quite dim, but some of the light left her eyes. It was more complicated than just her coming over. For the moment she was glad that River hadn't approached them yet. Her feelings there were still...complicated for lack of a better term. Luckily though she was interrupted by the arrival of Ephram. It gave her a chance to take a sip of her drink and collect herself.

Ash lifted his gaze to the man who'd approached him. He cocked his head, looking the stranger up and down. "Oh, anyone as handsome as you needn't make an excuse to say hello to me. Ephram, good old Southern sounding name. Nice to meet you." He shook the stranger's hand, then lit both their cigars with a wide smirk. He really did love meeting new people.

Freddie wasn’t even entirely sure that he wanted to be here at all. He didn’t know Ash Caplan - though Iann and Alia had both mentioned him before, and he knew of the family - and the fact that it was being held on Antoinette’s beach was a turn-off all on its own... but it was a party, and really, that was reason enough to at least put in an appearance. So despite Ollie’s snort of derison and refusal to join him - the little Chin was no fan of beaches that were devoid of cabanas and tropical weather - when Ephram had begun to get dressed to go, Freddie had decided at the last minute to tag along for a bit. After all, the worst case scenario still promised an open bar and at least a few people whose company he enjoyed - so why not? And now, here he was - all alone and back in the Eighties. Having kissed Ephram on the cheek and told him with a grin not to behave himself even a little, Freddie had lost track of his husband already, which meant that, first and foremost, a drink was an absolute necessity. And then, he thought, a bit of company wouldn’t go amiss either...

Milo dipped his head in greeting. "Have you been in the area long?" he asked. "I've been in the state my whole life, but it seems like I still find people who can say the same."

Ephram held Ash's hand in his own for a beat longer once the naga gave him the once-over, a slow smile lifting a corner of his mouth. "Well now," he drawled, "I'm a good ol' Kentucky boy -- I was raised up to have manners and enjoy pretty things."

River When Ash left her side to go talk to Maya, River stayed put, taking her apple juice from the bartender and sipping on it through the elaborate silly straw he'd given her, probably as a joke for not ordering alcohol, but joke was on him, because she loved it. Without Ash to steady her, she felt as if she was drifting while standing still. She was scared to approach Maya. She'd said they were cool, but River still felt like shit. Seeing her in person stirred feelings she wasn't sure how to deal with, so as everyone else mingled, River slipped off to go sit down in one of the sitting areas set up with a small fire, sipping rather obnoxiously through her silly straw.

Miguel shook his head. "I've been bouncing up and down the West coast though for my whole life. Born in LA, lived in Portland, Seattle, and now Soapberry." He finished his beer and then failed a recycling bin shot - the glass bottle made a harmless thwup in the sand - sighed, and got up to put the empty bottle in the bin. "What about you? Just a Soapberry kind of guy or?"

Ciara spotted Grace's wave and had heard Iann mention her name, so with a smile she slipped the older woman she was talking to her number and told her bye for now before walking over to join the pair of them. She hadn't seen Grace since the night of the spell, and had caught sight of Alia briefly early. She'd intended to drop by to say hi but the bar had gotten quite crowded suddenly so hadn't yet. Before she'd reached them they'd reached her. When Iann greeted her, she rolled her eyes and replied "It's a 'no entry' sign," before looking to Grace, giving her a much more genuine smile. "You look lovely, Grace."

Ash was sure it was his lucky night. He had barely been at his own party twenty minutes and a handsome stranger was already, dare he say, flirting with him? "Something we have in common then," he beamed. "I'm from New Orleans myself."

Elena did not know Ash Caplan, but she naturally knew of any event that would happen at or near a beach simply because she spent most of her time there. She had already been there, watching as people arrived slowly, setting things up and chatting with each other. The day grew dim and Elena remained separate from the festivities, sitting alone, half in the water, half on the sand, the bottom of her dress getting drenched. As more and more people arrived, it was harder to remain where she was as she was very curious by nature, so she pulled herself away from her solitude. The soaked bottom of her dress stuck to her sand covered legs awkwardly, so she shuffled toward one of the fire pits to dry it off, and there she noticed a familiar person who was sipping very loudly from their drink. "Hi," she greeted casually, flopping down onto an empty seat beside River, "Have you managed to go for a swim alone yet?" Out-rightly asking a very blunt question but not realizing it may be a sensitive topic.

Grace rolled her eyes, probably not for the first time, and definitely not the last, at Iann, but gave an amicable smile and followed Iann over to Ciara, drink in hand. "I do love a woman who freely offers compliments," she answered, knowing it meant nothing but all too happy to indulge in it anyway. "You always look stunning, of course."

Maya sipped her drink and wondered if she should mention the Ephram was married. Maybe she could ask where his husband was. It wasn't really her place, but she could hear the hopeful note in Ash's voice and thought she ought to do something. Then again Ephram hadn't actually greeted her yet and flirting was just flirting. She took another sip of her drink instead.

Iann stood there, and wondered when was the best time to say 'so what were you two planning together?' to Grace and Ciara. It was at the tip of his tongue, but he figured the casual conversation portion of this had to happen first. He just smiled blandly at them both for now. "That's a good one. No entry...cool, cool cool cool..." He drank some of his soda and then finally burst out, "So Grace mentioned that you two talked about, ah, stuff. And...stuff?"

Ephram had never been one to question immediate sexual attraction, much less when it was a party and the sweet-looking guest of honour was the one sending out the vibes. "New Orleans, huh? My sister's from there. Real passionate folks from them parts." He grinned and added, "--good drinkers, too. You warmed up already, or should we get somethin' else? I bet since this is a Bellamy party she's made you a themed drink." Ephram tapped his chin and surmised, "One with somethin' purple in it, or a bar of gold, or a preserved butterfly, to represent you personally."

River 's eyes widened in shock as someone came to speak to her, and she was even more shocked when she saw who it was. "Elena? Hi!" It had been a while since she'd seen the mermaid. They'd only met once, very breifly, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't taken, and a little intimidated, by her at the time. If she'd asked her question a few weeks earlier, River might have still been sensitive about it, but it was amazing how quickly she'd gotten used to talking about her supernatural self. "Yeah, actually. I got in touch with my inner seal and all that." The thought was a little bittersweet, considering the circumstances of her first transformation and her recent breakup, but she swallowed down the feeling with the taste of apple juice. "How have you been? I've been back like 20 times to that grilled squid place, by the way. Surprised I never saw you there again." She froze for a second. "Not that like, I was looking for you or stalking your or something it was just....good, uh....good squid." Wow. "Do you want a drink or something?" she asked, jamming her thumb over her shoulder toward the bar.

Milo "Hey, I was in Seattle for a bit," Milo said. He smirked slightly, but not with ill intentions, as the bottle fell. It happened to the best, but Milo knew his own aim wasn't as great as he pretended sometimes. "Other than that, yeah, mostly just Soapberry," he added after Miguel returned from tossing the bottle. "It's a good area around here." He motioned out at the ocean. "Not much to see that isn't beautiful to look at."

Ash gave a wave of his hand, continuing to slowly smoke his cigar. That was the nice thing about them as opposed to cigarettes. They lasted longer. "I think Soapberry is something of a home away from home for lots of New Orleans folks. We like those towns that are a little out there, I guess." He ate up the compliments. At least he imagined they were compliments. "As a naga and a southerner, I'd wager I'm a pretty good drinker. Let's have another one. The night's young."

Miguel couldn't help but look over Milo after that comment. He was incredibly attractive. "You're right about that," he said with a smile. "It really is beautiful," he said and turned his head to look out at the ocean, instead of at Milo. The sun was setting and it was lighting up the whole sky with reds, oranges, and yellows.

"Thank you. There's no point being stingy with them, is there," Ciara replied, always aware of how she shifted herself slightly for different people. Iann, on the other hand was incorrigible. "We did," Ciara confirmed, looking to Grace. She didn't divulge her clients' secrets easy, so let Grace set the pace of the conversation, although she'd clearly decided to tell Iann."

Elena smiled at River's flow of words as they seemed to spill out from her in a torrent. "It is good squid. I do there all the time but I guess we just miss each other. Funny how that happens, isn't it?" She casually bypassed answering the 'how have you been?' question because she didn't feel like talking about how sad she'd been lately and all her awful emotions, and she wasn't really one to lie about feeling better than she was, so she just didn't respond to it at all. Instead she stood, waving her dress a few more times in front of the fire to dry it more and said, "Yeah. I would love a drink. I feel like something with an olive in it and a little umbrella might be nice. What are you drinking?"

Ephram couldn't tell where Freddie had got off to, but he hoped if it was anything fun the fairy'd be saving it all up to tell Ephram when they got home. That was their thing, to regale each other with tales of erotic adventures; god knew Ephram was looking forward to telling Freddie all about this. "Sounds good, darlin," Ephram said, one hand settling against the small of Ash's back to corral him to another part of the bar. As they were moving, he caught sight of Maya and said, "Oh, hey Maya! You, uh ... havin' fun?" She sure didn't look like it, but then Ephram didn't really know what Maya looked like happy.

River mirrored Elena's smile naturally, glad that she seemed to be overlooking the awkward word vomit. "Yeah, that is funny." She stood with Elena instinctively, not really sure why she's sprung up so readily. All she wanted to do was sit here and avoid people until it was cake time. "Uh, apple juice," she answered sheepishly. "I'm a bit of a lightweight by nature. It's a selkie thing, apparently."

Freddie noticed quite a few familiar faces in the crowd - though thankfully not the hostess - and wandered up to the bar, asking for whatever the signature cocktail of the evening was. Then, taking it with a smile, he headed into the throng, coming up behind Iann, Grace, and Ciara and murmuring with a cheeky sort of smile, “Alright, so which one of you gorgeous creatures wants to point out the birthday boy to me? I’m not sure I’m technically on the list, and I feel as though I should at least make a bit of an effort to ingratiate myself...”

Ash "Darlin'," Ash repeated, already starting to glow. "I like the sound of that." He finished his first drink, putting the empty glass with the rest of the dishes. Ready for the next round. "I'll tell you what, handsome. This place is pretty busy and sooner or later I'm gonna have to spread my charm to someone else, so take this just in case I lose track of you." He hurriedly scribbled down his number on a napkin and put it in Ephram's front pocket with a wink.

Maya turned at the sound of her name. She smiled, although it didn't reach her eyes. She felt nervous for more than one reason. There were things with River and the large number of people and her own guilt that still tried to eat her alive. "Of course," she replied not wanting to let Ash who stood between her and Ephram know about her anxieties, "Although if you're having a drinking contest you have to let a girl from Massachusetts kick both your Southern asses because we can."

Ruby almost hasn’t come. Too many people she really didn’t want to run into could be there. But in the end she’s decided it was better than sitting at home by herself. So she threw on an outfit and headed over. When she got there, she was glad to see there were a fair amount of people there, most she knew, so she was able to slip in, find a drink and a corner, and make herself as unnoticeable as possible. For the moment. She’s have to go wish Ash a happy birthday eventually. And it would be rude not to at least speak to a few others. But for now she was content with her little spot and her very large, very potent drink.

Iann before Grace had a chance to say anything, Freddie seemed to materialize out of no where and be all charming and light-hearted and Iann couldn't help but grin at the fairy. He was so good at that! How was he so good at that. Iann looked around, then pointed with his pinky finger towards Ash. "Ahhhhhh that guy over there. The one making bedroom eyes at Pettaline."

Grace flashed a sincere smile at Freddie, wrapping an arm around him and leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek, as was their usual greeting at this point. "Hello, love. It's always a pleasure to see you around." If nothing else, Freddie always made the room feel friendlier and more comfortable. Grace took a spot at his side for a moment, looking around for Ash to point him out. "Ah, yes. As Iann said... isn't that your husband he's flirting with?"

Milo finished his drink, and rather than try to complete the shot Miguel hadn't made, he strode over the recycling to throw it away himself. "Have you been in Soapberry long then? I know you said you've been all over, but still. A guy's got curiosity."

Ciara spun at the sound of Freddie's voice - much better than the demon's imitation just a couple days ago - and grinned at him too, giving him a quick hug after Grace. "I have no idea-" but was interupted by Iann, glancing over at where Ephram was. The moment his name was mentioned, Malvoth rumbled a little in her purse, like a mobile vibrating.

Elena mused almost wistfully as she looked into the fire, "I used to be a lightweight." Then with one more wave of her dress by the fire, feeling it was gonna get as dry as possible for now, "I cured it by drinking an awful lot, and I mean, a lot a lot. Probably wasn't the best decision, but..." she shrugged her shoulders, "I mean, nothing bad happened." Then she started heading toward the bar that River had motioned towards.

Ephram hooted at Maya's boast, saying, "Hold up now, girl! You're talkin' to a feller from a moonshine family--" he pointed his thumb at himself, "--and a Big Easy naga--" he wrapped his arm low around Ash's hips, jostling him. "That ain't the easy win you're envisioning." Ephram turned his head, lips brushing Ash's ear as he said lowly, "You spread your charm wherever you need to, honey. But I'm gonna be makin' use of this number later."

Ash leaned into the taller man's touch, the slightly controlling intimacy of it, tingling slightly at the thrill, the words that came with it only serving to make Ash incredibly thankful at the certain differences his body came with over that of a cisgender man. That linen suit wouldn't hide anything. "Sooo, about that other drink?"

Freddie looked over to where Iann was pointing and laughed. “Well, then he’ll be getting quite the birthday gift already,” he grinned, “I won’t intrude.” The fairy turned back to Iann. “What about you though, darling? Having fun?” He gave his friend’s outfit a critical once-over, and tugged at the hoodie the other man was wearing, frowning slightly. “What the bloody hell is this?” he asked.

Maya laughed, "Alright and I come from a land of Irish Catholics and repressing your emotional problems in a snowstorm." Her laughter faded into confusion though as Ephram wrapped Ash close to him. Her throat suddenly dry Maya took a too big swig from her drink. She glanced away, not sure what to make of it.

Miguel shrugged and squirmed just a little. "Only a few months. I've been working over at the hospital." He thought about having another beer, but maybe it was time to branch out a little. He grabbed one of the Mike's and popped the cap. "Are these any good?"

Iann "Oh good, yeah stay here. You don't need to wish anyone any happy anything," Iann said, content that Freddie seemed lackadaisical about wishing Ash happy birthday. He pat at his hoodie and shrugged. "It's a sweater! I was cold. The beach is cold..." He looked to Grace for confirmation but, duh vampire. And Freddie probably had some sort of heat-glamours to keep him cute and warm. So he looked at Ciara in appeal, so she could confirm that humans were indeed physically hampered by temperature. "I think I'm getting a cold, honestly."

Ruby watched the smiling crowd from the corner, her eyes lighting mostly on Grace, Maya, and a dark-haired man she recognized but couldn’t place. A grin tipped her mouth as she watched Ephram flirt with Ash, who looked both petrified and ready to go home with Ephram right that minute. She took another long pull of her drink, idly wondering if anyone would be interested in taking her home later.

Freddie abandoned Iann’s questionable fashion choices for a moment to kiss Grace hello and return Ciara’s hug. “And yes, love, that is my husband,” he smiled at her, “- he looks lovely tonight, don’t you think? But so long as little Ash doesn’t think that’s a gift he gets to keep, he’s welcome to enjoy it.”

River "I don't think that would work for me," River said. She honestly was kind of bummed by that fact. Everybody she knew liked to drink socially. Just one drink turned her into an embarrassment. "It's like a predisposition. But uh, I'm glad nothing bad happened to you." As Elena began to walk away, she stayed standing for a moment, not really sure what to do. Did she follow? Or just sit back down and let Elena do her thing? In the end, she quickly scurried after Elena to catch up with her at the bar, deciding that sticking by someone's side made her feel a little less pathetic than sitting in front of a fire alone.

Freddie abandoned Iann’s questionable fashion choices for a moment to kiss Grace hello and return Ciara’s hug. “And yes, love, that is my husband,” he smiled at the vampire, “- he looks lovely tonight, don’t you think? But so long as little Ash doesn’t think that’s a gift he gets to keep, he’s welcome to enjoy it.”

What Grace would give to be blessed with the kind of comfortable confidence Freddie seemed to have about he and Ephram. Grace knew she had a lot to work on. And she was. Alia was a friendly and loving person. It was one of her strengths. Grace just needed to tell that little insecure voice in her head to shut up sometimes. "Quite the treat indeed. I do need to talk to him at some point. But not tonight. I wouldn't want to interrupt his evening." She gave a soft chuckle, glancing to Iann, unable to offer him any kind of reassurance or indeed disagreement about the temperature. "Well, thank goodness I can't catch it." She didn't mean to be nosy, but it was difficult not to watch Ephram at work now that Freddie was looking. "A lovely man, and very charming. I can't wait to meet him."

Ephram made a grand, sweeping gesture towards one of the little stations set up along the bar dedicated to the specialty drinks, saying, "We better git on with it, you're right. My Baptist blood ain't gonna accept such a challenge from a Papist." He winked at Ash, hand smoothing up the naga's side as he nodded at the bartender and three drinks appeared in front of them. "So you here on your own, Ash?" Ephram asked, picking up his glass. "My husband came with me." He looked around briefly, then smiled at Ash, completely relaxed. "Probably gathering up a crumpet of his own to spend the evening with."

Ash was still quivering inside, and not because of the temperature. It might have been March in Washington, but Bella had done a good job of ensuring the beach was kept heated, though whether that was just by heat lamps or by magic, or both, Ash wasn't sure. All he knew was that this Ephram guy could keep touching him all night if he so pleased. "My room-mate, River. She's around somewhere." He half-heartedly looked around for her. "Husband? Well then... how modern."

Maya couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips at Ephram's words. She hadn't been able to reconcile the way Ephram and Freddie talked about each other with Ephram's current flirting. She was used to terrible and unreciprocated relationships from watching too many in her childhood. She did have to say though, "I didn't say I was Roman Catholic," it was a particular issue for her, "Just that I know how to drink them under the table."

Freddie pulled a disappointed petulant face at Iann. “It isn’t that flaming cold.” A touch of concern lit his eyes. “And since when are you getting ill? I was with you all day and you never said a word.”

Elena arrived at the bar with a bounce and a wave, ordering herself one of the themed beverages of the night. No doubt the creation of it was entirely Bellamy's doing. Elena had a quick took around, trying to see if she could spot the petite vampire but so far she couldn't. She did however, spot a few more familiar faces down the bar and was waving at Ephram just as she noticed River started approaching. "Look what I got!" She raised her drink, which was pink and topped with a variety of decorative flowers and a tiny umbrella. "It is very pretty but I don't really understand why they always add these things," she took the flowers off, "It's not like I can eat them."

Iann "Ehhhhh it's fine," Iann said, waving away Freddie's concern (although Iann was clearly pleased to get it). "I hope it's a hex and not like an actual cold. I did sort of piss off a coven yesterday, but y'know. It wasn't my fault." He wasn't interested in the conversation about Pettaline going on over him, but he was mildly surprised to learn that Grace hadn't met Mr Yeehaw Sheriff yet. "So you didn't go to him about the cursed painting? Aw Gracie. I'm touched. You have faith in me."

Grace could bloody curse Iann herself for being so loose-lipped in public. But then again, it was only Freddie and Ciara, both of whom knew about some of her exploits and troubles already. She huffed only slightly. "No, not yet. I have some new evidence to show him." Thanks to Ciara. "But I haven't had the opportunity yet. Maybe when he's done feeling up the birthday boy Freddie can convince him to give me a call," she teased.

Ephram made a sound of recognition. "River! I met her." He shook his head slightly. "I hope the matter she was dealin' with got resolved, poor kid." But he didn't intend to get mired in serious work-talk, and ordered a second drink hot on the tail of his first, raising his eyebrows at Maya's sharp comment. "Awright then," Ephram said affably, again wanting to side-step anything too heavy. He looked back at Ash, moving one big hand to the back of the naga's neck before leaning in for a languid kiss, nipping and then licking at his bottom lip as he pulled away. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself, darlin."

Milo nodded, accepting the information with a smile but without much conversation. He rubbed his hands against his bare arms, wondering again why he let a teenager convince him he'd blend in better with people in their twenties if he wore a tank. Instead everyone was in jackets, and he felt out of place. As he looked around, he couldn't keep his face from showing a quick tick as he found the birthday boy. He hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him yet, but it seemed unlikely at this point that he would get the opportunity. At this point, though, he was happy with his conversation partner, even if the birthday boy seemed moment away from ditching his own party. Turning back to Miguel, Milo grabbed another bottle. "Do you say you work at the hospital then? That sounds pretty awesome. I'm just a this-and-that guy myself." Most of his income came either from foster money for the teens or the trust his father had help him set up for the center, but that tended to bounce straight back to keeping up the house and paying for food.

Ash gave a snicker. "Oh, come now. We don't gotta bring religion into this. A Baptist, a Catholic and a Jew all walk into a bar could be the opening line of a good joke." He hadn't known River had gone to Ephram for help, but it made sense that she'd gone to someone. It was a small town after all. But thoughts of River left him just as quickly as they had arrived, because Ephram's hand was now on his neck. A firm but not too firm grip, guiding his lips to Ephram's. Ash sank into it, ready to indulge and then some. "No need to apologize..." he just about managed not to stammer. It had been a while since he'd met anyone so forward. "Unless you're just teasin', rather than givin' me a pre-cursor."

River smiled at Elena's excitement over her drink, then shrugged. "I don't really understand it either." She pointed at her silly straw. "This is the presentation I like. Functional aesthetic." She took another loud sip of her apple juice, finishing it and nodding to the bartender for a refill. "So, do you know Ash? Or did you like, come here with anybody, or....?"

Ciara stored that tidbit away for later, not having had it confirmed until now. "He has a point," she said, agreeing with Freddie on Iann's fashion choices. "Don't look at me," she said, her dress only having short straps. When she moved or the wind caught her hair right, her burn scars peaked out underneath, and the tight lines that had broken the curse on them. "Blood witch, remember. I'm as warm as I need to be." And while far from immune from disease, she had a supernaturally strong immune system. Until, he mentioned a hex, and a cursed painting. Reaffirming her decision not to tell him anything. "A hex?" For a split second, Iann might have felt a little static on his skin. "Iann. Tonto."

"Not Catholic," Maya repeated. Her statement was stronger than it needed to be. However considering her personal history it was rather a tame way to say it. As the two men kissed Maya finished off her drink and picked up the one that had just arrived. She found herself vaguely wishing Ryden was there. But a quick look around confirmed he wasn't. She therefore turned her attention to her new drink instead.

Miguel followed Milo's gaze to a couple of men who looked like they were about to go somewhere that wasn't a public party. Well, they seemed happy at least. Was that the birthday boy? "Yup, witch doctor, that's me," he said with a sheepish smile. "Well, modern family doctor with a side of witchery and a skill at breaking curses." His smile grew a little. "If you don't mind my asking, I already know you're an antronach, but what kind of elements do you favor? I always love hearing about people's supernatural upbringing. And if you were raised in Soapberry, well that seems rather unique."

Freddie rolled his eyes. “Oh, good,” he said, sipping his drink (which, much to his annoyance was rather tasty - bloody Bellamy) “-a hex. Which coven did you annoy? It’s not Blackwater, is it? They still owe me a favour, and I’ve been thinking of it a bit as ‘Iann’s Bail Money’ - so I’d hate to have to spend it on a headcold.” His eyes drifted back over to where Grace was watching Ephram be delightfully sexy, and he smiled proudly. “He is. I’ll introduce you personally, if you like, darling.” And when Iann rather indelicately mentioned their friend’s personal troubles, the fairy reached up and flicked him sharply on the ear. “Oi” he said, “We’re at a flaming party, you plank - let’s save the curses for later, yeah?” Freddie glanced back to Ephram and Ash, wondering just how badly Ash was panting for his witch by now - and then turned back to the others, smiling at Ciara. “You’re a bit quiet, love - is everything alright?”

Ephram chuckled. "Nope. I ain't the teasin' sort. I'm more like to get straight to the meat of the matter." He pushed his thumb firmly against the soft yield beneath Ash's jaw, against his throat, and said, "Pre-cursor." Turning to the bar, Ephram said to Maya, "Oh, you think you're gonna slip em past us? No way, girlchild. I'm'a catch up with you before you even know what's sky or sea."

Iann was unfazed about mentioning the cursed painting. Freddie was an art conartist (haha) and Ciara was involved, Iann surmised, so why be all clandestine? Not like Yeehaw Sheriff was looking to arrest anyone. And cursed things cropped up in Soapberry all the time - take himself, for example. His eyes widened in some excitement when Ciara chided him. "Ayyyyy so it IS a hex! You can tell, Ciara? Can you unhex me?" Iann held out his hands in protest, grinning at Freddie. "What? Is that a party rule? No mentioning curses at parties?" He was being obnoxious again, he could feel it - and it was evident by the constant chides and eye-rolls from the far more dignified trio. Oh god. Iann drained his drink. "I'm getting a refill. Who wants one?"

Elena sipped her drink, from a straw that was sadly very straight and boring compared to River's one which curved and circled round back. It looked so fun, albeit a bit noisy. "Nope, I never met him before. Which one is he? Actually, there's a few people here I don't know. Well, I know most people by sight even though I don't know them well, but I've never even seen Ash before. Is it weird that I came to a party for a person I don't know? I came alone too, just to make it even stranger, if it is strange. I just feel like, I basically live here. I must be invited automatically. Besides, I'm not going to pass up free drinks." She waggled her brows and took a long drink from her straw. The flower she still had in her fingers because it was pretty afterall, but she'd just prefer it not be in her drink, so she moved forward and placed the flower into River's hair, moving a few of her strands in the process, "There," she marveled delightedly, "Looks much better on you."

Milo looked at Miguel in surprise. He'd not met many people who could pick that up instantly. The witch knew his fellows. "Curse breaking seems like quite the full skill on the side. Do you ever do ER work? I imagine it could come in handy sometimes, if you can figure out that's what the cause was. Myself? I've got a few water related marks myself." He held up his hands, although the glyphs weren't visible in his human form. "Some are directly related to rivers or more general water. My feet are both storm related glyphs." He shrugged. "I know it's a little specialized, but I've always been at home in Washington, and it's a rather rainy place."

Iann added belatedly. "And it wasn't Blackwater, but thanks, Freddie. That's so great, man," Iann said, patting Freddie's shoulder, very obviously touched by what he considered Freddie's generousity.

Maya smiled as the first Hurricane started to sink into her system. "Oh, really? If you keep getting distracted by pretty boys I'll have no problem kicking your ass," she replied. She forced herself to focus on the competition in front of her. "Of course," she smirked almost lazily, "I've been known to get distracted myself."

Miguel chuckled. "No no, that's useful, especially if you live in the Pacific North West. And that's exactly what I mean by culture and magic integrating, though I guess in this case it's plain geography and magic." He smiled and drank his hard lemonade, which was pretty good. "The curse breaking and the medicine go hand in hand," he explained. "I'll very rarely do a rotation at the ER, mostly I do the day to day kind of stuff. Talk to people about their blood pressure and diabetes risk, and in places like Soapberry, break curses."

Freddie sighed theatrically. “No, Iann darling, it isn’t a party rule - it’s a basic playing-well-with-others sort of a rule. We don’t bring up the unpleasant, frightening and otherwise off-putting circumstances of our friends when we’re out getting squiffy.” He handed off his empty glass. “And yeah, if you’re going, I’ll take another.” He batted his eyelashes. “A double, please, love.”

Ciara looked up at Freddie with a gentle smile. "Why wouldn't I be?" The real Freddie was definitely preferable to the demon one, was all. She looked at Iann sidelong, unimpressed. Sighing, she pricked her finger with her thumb nail and drew a drop of blood to the surface, and pressed it to the inside of his wrist. The blood glowed briefly before vanishing into his skin, her finger already healed. "That'll pause the effects in you for a while, but I don't have the equipment to unhex you with me. You'll just have to deal with it until later." It wasn't a severe hex, or she might have been more concerned. Her eyes caught a figure on the far side of the beech, and smiled apologetically at the three of them. "I'll be back soon, my client has finally arrived." She stepped into the crowd and linked arms with a tall man with blue tinted skin and let him guide her to a more secluded spot to talk.

Ash nodded, still a little woozy from that kiss. It had been good, and taken him unawares, bringing out a slightly flustered side of him that hardly anyone had ever seen before. "Yes sir. Good to know." He gave a quiet, throaty laugh, drinking away at the concoction Ephram had placed in front of him a few moments before. "I look forward to it. Let's not make my darling, definitely not Catholic friend over here embarrassed." He slipped an arm around her shoulder with a smile. "Don't worry, I don't expect everyone to kiss me."

Iann "I owe you," Iann said to Ciara, watching her work her magic. She was so damned adept at it, so natural and yet there was that balance ingrained into it. It wasn't just a word or a wave of her hand - it was push and pull. Give and take. Goal and sacrifice, in its own small way in this instance . He touched his wrist, and watched her leave gravely, then turned to look at Freddie, all smiles. "Anything for you, Confetti," he said, giving an 'alright alright' nod to Freddie's instructions. Gah, how on earth he could manage at a party without bringing up unpleasant, frightening or otherwise off-putting circumstances was beyond Iann. Fetching Grace's for a refill too (if she offered it), Iann trudged back to the bar, shouldering his way past Ash, Pettaline, and Maya to place his order.

Grace was glad of Freddie. Alia had a natural talent for making genuine connections. Grace was good at shmoozing, and that was about it. "Thank you," she told him pre-emptively, and thanked the glood in her glass for keeping her from visibly reacting when Ciara cut her thumb to cure Iann's snotty disposition. "Ciara, you're too good for all of us." She shook her head. "Have fun with your client."

Freddie met Ciara’s eyes, and returned her soft smile. “I have no idea, darling,” he murmured, “-but I thought I’d ask all the same. Just in case.” He watched her go when her client beckoned, then leaned in a little closer to Grace as they waited for Iann to return with fresh drinks, and pointed at a rather good looking pair of men off a little ways. “Do you know who he is, Grace love?” he asked, nodding at the one in the shorts. “I don’t think I’ve seen him before...”

Grace shook her head at Freddie's question once Ciara was out of earshot. "I've no idea. But Ciara is a respected business-woman. We can't get all over-protective now, can we? She has to make a living."

Milo "I'm sure it's still a good skill to have," Milo said. "I've always had a certain level of envy for you witches. A flick of the wrist and a dabble of power or leaves or whatever... Bam, you have something completely unique and super useful." Milo let out a chuckle as he saluted Miguel with his drink. "Mine's more... momentary. Small. I don't know how to explain it." His eyes wandered across the bar again as he watched the chatting unfold around them.

River pointed down the bar to the last place she'd seen Ash, not surprised that he was still there but surprised when she saw the Sheriff with his hands all over him. Her brows furrowed in confusion but she shrugged it off. "He's over there. We're roommates." At Elena's confession that she'd come alone, River shrugged. "Nah, I don't think it's weird. I'm jealous, actually. I don't think I could go to a party full of people I didn't know. I'm barely comfortable with a bunch of people I do know." She looked down at her drink for a moment, only looking up again when she felt Elena's fingertips on her hair, she felt a chill run down her spine as goosebumps ran down her arms and neck. "Heh. Thanks," she laughed gently, pushing hair over her other ear. "Take that drink. I wear this flower better than you," she tried to joke, feeling it probably fall pretty flat.

Iann looked around the party, his eyes eventually falling on Ruby sitting alone with what was basically a super-gulp of alcohol. "That better not be all-booze," he said, feeling a little odd when he looked at her. Not because of Ruby herself, but just the memories from the blobs. Out of all his memories, that one resonated the hardest for Iann, and he didn't really understand why.

Ephram had gotten a 'sir' out of Ash, without prompting no less. He felt a thrum of pride go through him; Freddie had sure been teaching him well, during their own bedroom forays. "Don't you worry none, Maya-girl, we'll keep the hands to ourselves. For a while. In front of you." Ephram laughed, tapping the bar. "Keep em coming till one of us calls uncle," he instructed. "Our individual states' honour is at stake here!"

Freddie shook his head, and pulled a face at Grace. “Oh good lord,” he chuckled, “-I’m not talking about the man with Ciara - what do you take me for? - she can more than look after herself. I being entirely selfish and talking about those two.” He pointed subtly at Miguel and Milo. “Specifically, the sweet-looking one in the shorts.”

Grace corrected herself quickly, looking in the direction Freddie had been pointing. "Oh." She narrowed her eyes, trying to discern if there was anything familiar about him. "No, I don't believe I know either of those two gentlemen. Why?"

Maya straightened a little. Clearly they were only interested in each other. It wasn't entirely surprising she figured. Her lazy smirk disappeared. "I mean, don't stop on my account. I've seen a lot worse," she said before picking up her drink again, "Or better depending."

Freddie “No reason,” Freddie grinned. “I just rather like the look of him - and since my Ephram will likely be too tired to manage me tonight, I’m working out a Plan B.”

Miguel laughed gently. "Pure inner elemental power compared to borrowing from a leyline?" He raised an eyebrow. "I know which one I'd prefer." He shrugged. "But I've never been an antronach so mybe I can't compare the two." He sighed a little, but kept smiling. "I guess if we're talking pure power, a fairy or a nymph would win. More malleable and not dependent on glyphs or leylines."

Ash waved his hand. "Now now, I already told this one I'm going to have to spend time with other people. It's okay. I'm not the kinda person who ignores everyone else when I get the chance to get laid." He winked in Ephram's direction. "No matter how handsome and charming the suitor is."

Elena gave River a confused look and then realized rather slowly that she was talking to the drink. "Oh," Elena laughed, pointing to the drink in her hand, "Oh I get it, but the drink can't actually respond to you, especially because I'm drinking away it's life right now." And to emphasize that, she took a long drink, reducing the drink completely. "More!" She slapped her hand on the bar jovially, setting down her empty glass and requesting another one just like but this time with a fun silly straw and minus the flower. "Ash is your roomie though? That's so cool. Roomies are nice. Mine is Iann. I think I saw him over there somewhere, talking to someone about something," she shrugged.

Milo nodded, his head bouncing as he thought for a moment. "To be completely honest, yeah, they've probably got us beat. But what's the saying? You always want what you can't have?" He'd been around that block a time or two in other ways. "I probably shouldn't drink too much," he admitted. "If the teens see me too wasted, I'll never hear the end of it." His opinion could change before the end of the night, but Milo figured he should slow down before he got too far ahead of himself, weak drinks or not.

Ephram snorted at Maya's comment, turning against the bar so his hips leaned against it and he could look around at the party. "What're you, training to be an Olympics judge? Wasn't for your benefit anyhow." He scrunched his face at her, grinning, and nudged Ash. "Don't feel like you gotta stay, darlin. I'm real good at trackin' down what I want, and you need to enjoy your party. I mean, hell--" Ephram gestured around, "all of this for you! Would be a crime if you din't enjoy it to the fullest."

Grace finally understood, and it was probably a good thing a vampire couldn't blush. "Well, he's rather handsome, and if you don't mind sharing and being shared, then I say go for it." Grace found Alia across the room, meeting her eyes with a smile. "I've only got eyes for one, lucky for me. I don't have your confidence."

Miguel finished his drink, took a step toward the recycling bin, and got a 2 point shot in. "You're probably right, I should slow down too so I can go to work tomorrow and not get picked on by residents." He smiled at Milo. "Want to go find the snacks?"

Maya smiled in a self-deprecating manner, "Just naturally judgmental." She picked up her drink again. If she was going to pull off this whole cake thing she would need to talk to River. A feat which was proving more difficult than she expected. "And clearly it wasn't for my benefit, if it were someone would be making out with me and I don't foresee that happening considering it ain't my birthday yet," she added.

Ash gestured to Ephram with a smile. "There? See. We like a nice understanding man. I like to enjoy the fruit's of everyone's labour, and not always sexually." He had almost finished his drink already. And his cigar. "I should find River. Or Bella."

Ephram nodded. "I'll stay here for a minute," he said, lifting his chin in Maya's direction. "Been a long time since I had a Sourpuss." He chortled, addressing Maya to say, "Unless you got somewheres to be?"

River Instead of getting confused or frustrated by Elena explaining the joke, River found it rather endearing. And when she ordered her next drink with a silly straw, River laughed out loud. "You're cute," she said before she could stop herself. Her eyes widened at the suddenness of her words, and the awkward moment made her attempt to occupy herself with something that wasn't making eye contact with Elena. She glanced at her watch and noticed the time. "Shit," she hissed. "Sorry, I have to uh, take care of something. I'll see you in a bit?" She pushed herself away from the bar, leaving her drink as she glanced down the bar, still seeing Maya there. She'd have to suck it up and talk to her at some point, and she was already late for the time she wanted to bring the cake out. She took a deep breath as she strode over, stopping at Maya's side, giving a quick wave to Ash and Ephram. She kept her distance from Maya, giving her a few feet of space. "We should....?" she left the question hang, seeing as Ash was right there.

Milo chuckled. "Snacks sound good. They must be around here somewhere." He glanced around and saw a couple of baskets over on the other end of the bar. "Think that could be it?" he asked. There were all kinds of people around, and they could do a bit of mingling on their way through. It wouldn't be the worst way to catch up with a friend or two along the way.

Iann returned with beverages, handing them carefully but easily to Grace and Freddie. "There you go, you two. Drink up, booze is free. Grace I got yours with a little fancy blood, if you wanted. Don't worry, it's in its own separate shot glass if you don't want it."

Freddie looked at Grace, his smile going a bit softer. “Oh, believe me, love,” he said, lowering his voice so that it was just for the two of them, “-I’ve only got eyes for one myself; the sort of eyes that matter. Sex is just... fleeting. And fun. But there’s only ever one person that I want to kiss goodnight.” Talking to Grace inspired a level of openness that Freddie didn’t often experience, and he let some of his own vulnerability show through. “Confidence is often harder won than it seems for people like us, eh darling?” He looked over at Alia then, golden and gorgeous, not far off. “You should hear how that one talks about you, though,” he said. “Like you set the stars alight, just for her.”

Maya saw River out of the corner of her eye. She felt herself stiffen more than she recognized herself doing it. "As it turns out I do," she replied to Ephram with a cheeky sort of smile. She wasn't supposed to be bitter or judgmental at this party. She should be happy. Picking up her drink she headed up towards the parking lot, "I've put the thing on wheels." Tonight wasn't about her and River, she reminded herself, it was about Ash and he deserve a good surprise.

Speaking of River, she had just arrived. Ash gave her a smile, glad to see she'd been enjoying herself. "Don't lose my number," he said in Ephram's direction, planning tto accompany River somewhere before he caught the implication she already had plans.

Freddie took the drink that Iann handed him and leaned up to press a kiss to his friend’s cheek. “Cheers, love.”

"Could be." Miguel started toward the baskets. As he walked he nodded at every witch he saw, his family coven was wide and deep, and even if a witch wasn't actually a part of the Falling Leaf coven, they still knew someone in it, still knew who Lupita was, still nodded when Miguel nodded at them. Miguel took no joy in it, but it was familiar and a little bit comforting.

Elena simply said, "Thanks," in response to River saying she was cute, not finding it an awkward thing to say in the least because of course she was cute, in fact, she was more than cute. It was a little unfortunate that River had to run off to take care of something, but Elena paid it no mind. She sipped her drink and looked around to see if she recognized anyone nearby.

Grace listened to Freddie's words. Still working on her original drink and enjoying the lack of awkwardness that Iann usually brought to the table. "It's nice, if you can see things that way. I'm just not that sort of girl, I suppose... not with Alia, anyway." She couldn't contain her smile at the thought of Alia talking about her like that. "I do the same. We're both just as smitten as each other, which is how it should be."

River followed Maya out to the parking lot, keeping her distance. When she saw the cake, she smiled, and was glad that Maya was being all business for the moment. "Awesome. How do I get into it? And I think you're gonna need to like, wheel me out. And announce the cake and stuff." She smiled sheepishly at her. "Sorry, I'm sorta playing this by ear."

Maya "I have a step stool," Maya replied. She got the cake, carefully, out of the back of the car. "The top is just cardboard so no problem pushing that off," she explained. After pulling the step stool out too she helped River into it. Then Maya wheeled the cake back down to the beach. Once she was close enough she caught the eye of the people she knew and nodded before she began to sing, "Happy birthday to you..."

Freddie “Most people aren’t,” Freddie said with an easy smile. “And admittedly,” he chuckled, “[there’s a healthy amount of possessiveness going on at the same time, so we’re not entirely selfless in our sharing.” The fairy took a sip of his drink. “Ephram once threw me over his shoulder and carried me out of the inn, as a matter of fact.” He smirked. “Iann wasn’t thrilled - but I rather enjoyed it.”

Ephram got himself a bourbon sour and settled in where he was, catching sight of Freddie talking to a tall high-society looking blonde. His husband looked so good with her, sleek and immaculately groomed, and Ephram kept his gaze locked there even as he automatically joined in with the birthday song.

Freddie nodded at Grace, smiling. “Smitten is one of my favourite words. ‘Besotted’, too. I’ve been besotted with Ephram since the day we met.”

Grace touched her glass to Freddie's, her smile just as soft as his. "Well, don't we make a right pair? A pair of besotten fools."

Elena noticed Ephram further down the bar and essentially pranced over to him, whispering to him, "I don't know the words to this song." Even though it was rather simple and straight forward. "Are we all supposed to sing?"

Freddie clinked back, meeting Grace’s eyes, a wonderful sort of understanding in the air between them. “We absolutely are,” he agreed, “And I can’t think of anything I’d rather drink to.”

Ephram was delighted to find Elena suddenly arriving at the bar, pulling her into his arms so her back was settled against him and she could watch the proceedings as well. "Don't worry," he whispered back," you can just hum whatever you want and then scream yay! at the end. Then I'll teach you the monkey version." He chuckled, rubbing his face playfully against the crown of her head.

Milo was pleasantly surprised at just how many people Miguel seemed to know. "Is there anyone you don't know?" he asked. He had his own connections too, but Miguel seemed to have twice as many. It was fairly impressive, if a bit intimidating when Milo had lived here his entirely life.

Iann "Aren't you two sweet," Iann said to Grace and Freddie, before checking his watch. "Anyway, wow look at the time..." he mocked up a wide yawn, and stretch, clapping Freddie on the shoulder. "See you back at the Inn, man. Grace, say hi to Alia for me, hm?" He was about to make his escape but then a gigantic cake was wheeled out, pushed by Maya. The cake was huge, and Iann marveled at it. Big enough to fit a person, he thought jovially, not bothering to sing along. He'd done that at the Grace-Alia party; once was enough.

Grace smiled, sipping her vodka, already pleasantly buzzed thanks to the fairy blood mixed in. "I quite agree."

Elena happily allowed herself to be embraced by Ephram, settling herself comfortably in his arms and clapping her hands at the sight of the very large, very impressive cake that appeared. She did hum, it wasn't the tune of happy birthday, and what it was exactly even she didn't know. "There's a monkey version?"

Ciara finished her discussion five minutes later with a lighter but more tightly stuffed purse, feeling an inch more relieved now that was one thing dealt with. She slowly returned to the party as a huge cake was wheeled out, coming to a stop to watch curiously, and joining in with the song absently even though she still hadn't met the host of the evening. A couple people behind her had had a few too many, and definitely weren't joining in on that song but something else entirely in loud rambunctious tones. One of them stumbled and knocked into her, knocking her into the person in front of her. Before the last dregs of her drink even managed to spill, she caught it with a little magic, pulling it back into the cup. "Sorry," she whispered with a smile, gesturing at the duo behind her, "some people have already had too much fun."

Ash had stopped flirting just in time for there to be a song. He didn't blush at attention. In fact, he revelled in it. Like Ephram had said, everyone was here for him. Even those who had just stopped by for the free drinks and free food and the chance to hook up. He gave a gracious smile. Ash wasn't a stranger to being surrounded by people. He made a habit of it. This time though, it felt different. These people actually knew him, and they actually liked him. Not just because he was charming and rich, but because of who he was as a person.

Ephram nodded emphatically, enjoying the sound of Elena's undulating hum and the feel of her body settled against him. "The monkey version is only for if you're good friends with the person, though," he said. "Say, you ever seen a monkey? Like, a real one?"

Iann was always interesting to see how people reacted to their own birthday. Grace and Alia were immersed in each other, in the celebration of each other, together. Ash Caplan looked pleased like he expected all of this, like this was exactly how he'd wanted it to go. But on top of that, there was something simply beaming about the expression on his pixie-like face. Iann couldn't help but smile slightly; someone's genuine happiness was always a little infectious. He touched his wrist absently where Ciara had touched him, and looked on. He figured he might as well stick around for the cake-cutting before ducking out.

Freddie didn’t sing, just watched as the enormous cake was rolled out, idly wondering if whoever was inside it - because there had to be somebody inside it - would be naked or not when they jumped out. And then he glanced at Iann, knowing that his partner had cake-jumping aspirations of his own - jumpee, not jumper - and laughed softly, hoping to see him sputter adorably with envy.

Milo paused as the music to watch what was going on. The birthday part of birthday party seemed to be underway, and he looked on with a smile as the cake was wheeled out. It was a positively massive cake.

From the corner, Ruby sang quietly, smiling at the general feeling of happiness in the room.

Elena shook her head, "Never, not in real life. I've seen them in pictures and videos but never a real monkey in person. Well, I think I saw one in the park one time but it could have been something else, and it was moving so quickly I couldn't get a good look at it anyway. I don't think I could say the monkey version though cause I don't even know Ash. I know he is River's roommate and that is all," she sipped at her drink.

 Ephram "Naw you don't gotta learn it for THIS party, but it'll be useful in the future for when you wanna sing to your friends." Ephram dropped his chin to her shoulder and mused, "I ain't ever seen no real monkey my own self. That feels wrong somehow."

Just then, someone bumped into her and she felt something cold slosh down her side. Ruby made a noise of surprise and turned to see the woman who had been talking with Iann and Freddie earlier turning to apologize. “It’s alright,” Ruby said, shaking the liquid off her hand. “It’ll dry.” She wipes her hand - the other held a drink - off on her neon shorts and held it out. “I’m Ruby, by the way. I don’t think we’ve met.”

River crouched down into the cake and felt it rumble along on the wheels as Maya pushed it along. Was this even a good idea? She was deliberately making herself the center of attention, even if only for a moment. All because Alia made a joke and she thought it would be funny. It wasn't that she was scared of stealing the spotlight form Ash at his party or anything like that, he knew how to be in the spotlight no matter what. No, she just didn't want the spotlight at all. But it was too late now as Maya began to sing and the crowd joined in. She waited for the song to be over, humming it quietly and nervously to herself from inside the cake, and when it finally ended, she took a deep breath and pushed the cardboard top off above her head, throwing her arms up in the air and screaming "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" at the top of her lungs, deciding that if she was in it now, she might as well commit.

Elena "Why is it wrong?" Elena asked but before she could wonder about it too long, the song ended and out from the top of the cake burst River. Elena started in her surprise, nearly spilling her drink in the process. "Ephram! Look! Look!" She waved her hand forward, wiggling her body against him with excitement, "It's River! In the cake! She's jumped out from the cake! That's so fun!"

Iann "Holy shit," Iann said, slightly startled when River jumped out of the cake. He looked around the crowd, to see if a) everyone was seeing this; and b) that was actually River and not the doppleganger or anything. Turned out it was actually River, and Iann looked from Maya to River, to Ash and then back to the cake, taking it all in. Then he turned to gawp at Freddie, his eyes wide. "That-! That was - ! That's what I wanted, that's my idea!! They did it..." Iann slowly applauded, joining in with everyone else.

Maya was glad she wasn't the center of attention for long. As soon as River had emerged from the cake everyone was focused on the selkie. For her part Maya slinked back to the bar.

Tuah rushed to the party once he was able to, and apparently Tuah came at the peak moment of the party when he saw someone jumping out of the cake (was it Iann's idea? he's been wishing for it for quite some time from what he understood). Looking through the crowd, he scanned for Iann before making his way through the crowd. "Hey, sorry I'm late," he gave a quick kiss before turning towards River and Maya. "That's quite a surprise. Did you plan it?"

Ephram "Good Lord!" River busting out of the cake was unexpected, and Ephram was sort of glad that he hadn't worn his service revolver. "That's real fun, yeah," he said to Elena, then loosened back up and laughed. "You're friends with River, huh? She looks real cute. Like in Singin' in the Rain."

Ash hadn't even expected someone to be inside the cake, let alone River. She was the introversion to his extraversion. This didn't strike him as her sort of thing. That much attention on her, that many people, it was her worst nightmare, and still she was doing it. For him. To give him a surprise, something to smile about. "Oh wow." He was probably blushing now, but not from embarrassment. With love. He walked over to her, wrapped her up in his arms and held her close. "That was the best surprise ever. I love you girl."

Ciara shook her head and magicked the drink off the woman in front of her with a flick of her hand. As far as alcoholic drinks went, there were much worse to have spilled on you. "Ruby... Ruby Deveraux, by any chance? I've heard only good things." It was a unique enough name that it wouldn't surprise her in a town like this. "Ciara, it's a pleasure to meet you." They were interupted by River - River? - jumping out of the cake, and while she was distracted for a moment, Ciara remembered River's social awkwardness well enough to be surprised.

Milo let out a deep laugh as someone popped out of the cook. He wasn't sure they'd met before, but Milo was pretty sure it must have been Ash's roommate. If he didn't have a significant other--and based on previous conversations and his encounter with the other man earlier--a roommate was the best explanation. It certainly was a funny encounter. He started clapping on her behalf, letting out a low whistle for her efforts.

Freddie took another sip of his drink, waiting for the the crowd to get all the way through the birthday song, and indulged in a bit of people watching. Absent-mindly noting whose jewellery might be worth pilfering if he’d had a mind to (he didn’t, but old habits died hard) and whose arse was cute. Whose outfit was appalling (other than Iann’s), and who should be avoided (ah- there was Ruby). The fairy raised his hand slightly to give his ex-wife a little wave and a smile, then let his gaze flit off again in search of the man from earlier in the delightful floral shorts, as suddenly the cake erupted - at which point Iann began to sputter. And it was every bit as adorable as Freddie had hoped. “I know, love,” he said soothingly, his eyes sparkling wickedly, “We’ll get you one too, sometime, yeah? Maybe for that holiday with the trees? Or the one about presidents?”

"Singin' in the Rain?" Elena's face scrunched up, brows coming together and full lips forming a confused frown, "But she's not singing and it isn't even raining."

Iann looked up when Tuah appeared at his side and gave him a little noncommittal grunt, but he didn't stop Tuah from kissing his cheek. "No, I didn't plan it. Clearly other people in this town also have brilliant ideas. And the follow-through. Kids can do anything, huh?" Iann commented neutrally to Tuah, then squinched his face at Freddie. "/My/ birthday! Alia said she'd handle all the planning for me. I should remind her..." He tapped his finger to his lips.

River climbed out of the cake with the help of the built in step stool, an awkward smile on her face as she sort of stumbled but not quite when she landed, thankful to be on solid ground again. Ash was upon her as soon as she touched down, giving her a huge hug that she returned with the same intensity. "Sorry I'm not a stripper," she teased. When the separated, she put a hand on his blushing cheek. "Love you too, dude. I'm glad you liked it."

Ephram kissed those perplexed brows with a soft chuckle. "A girl jumps outta a cake in the movie, it's a really good movie."

Freddie laughed again. “I thought we’d decided that you wanted no such thing as a party for your birthday,” he accused Iann good-naturedly. “You all but begged me not to give you one! Or am I just not invited to this little soirée of Alia’s?” The fairy grinned. “You know if I pout at her, she’ll let me come anyway.” And then he turned to Tuah - because it would be impolite not to - and said, “Hello, Tuah darling; how are you? Iann mentioned earlier that you were back.”

Ash chuckled, helping River up over the top and down onto the ground. "You're crazy, honey. But you're better than any stripper."

Tuah hummed at the mention of Iann's birthday, remembering the sort-of plan that Alia had hatched for the event. It certainly would be interesting. He didn't think he'd have the courage to do so if Iann's birthday would be attended with these so many people, and he was glad that Alia had agreed to do it privately. "I'm going to grab a drink. Do you want anything?" He asked, before turning his attention towards Freddie and gave him a polite nod, then turning his attention towards Iann.

Elena still frowned a little, even after his soft kiss to her brows, but she moved passed her confusion by saying to him, "Watch it with me later, and then you can teach me the monkey version of the song."

Iann "No, Tuah, I'm fine. Say, Ruby's over there; go say hi to her, hm? She's been worried sick about you," Iann replied to Tuah, hands stuck in his pockets as he waited for Tuah to head off, before turning to look at Freddie, eyes getting rounder. "Noooo god I don't want a party like this. I just want the cake, and like you, and Alia and Grace of course. And a couple other people."

River smiled slyly. "Thanks. Seems like you don't need a stripper tonight anyway, the way the Sheriff was feeling up on you," she said playfully, glancing over Ash's shoulder to where she'd last seen Ephram, her smile fading quickly when she saw Elena all but wrapped up in his arms, him placing a soft kiss on her forehead. She didn't know why she was so disappointed. It wasn't like she'd tried any moves on her or anything, but she'd been kinda of hopeful, and in her naive mind if Elena was flirting with someone else, it meant River was already out of her mind. Ugh, she shouldn't even be thinking about this sort of thing. She'd just gotten out of a break up. Should she really be flirting at all?

Grace gave a little snicker at Iann's mini tantrum. "Don't worry, darling. I'm sure someone will jump out of a cake for you one day soon." It struck her that she didn't even know when Iann's birthday was. It wasn't the type of thing anyone mentioned just in passing, and she hadn't exactly checked his ID. "Maybe Tuah can be convinced."

Ephram said "The movie has real nice songs too. It'll be just one big ol' sing-along, how's that sound?"

Ash gawped at River's words. "You saw that?" But then, what she'd actually said hit him. "Wait he's a sheriff? Like badge and gun, handcuffs and all, sheriff?" Ash glanced around the room, looking to lay eyes on the handsome man again. "Well, he can arrest me any time. What can I say? I go months without any intertest, and then, boom."

Freddie “Fine,” Freddie said, pretending to huff. “Something small then.” And then he grinned cheekily. “But I still want something lavish and glorious, and you promised to give it to me.” He gave Iann a playful sort of nudge. “Never dangle a party in front of a fairy, darling,” he winked, “We don’t get over that sort of thing.”

Maya looked up from her new drink. "There is actual cake there," she piped up, "If anyone has plates you can cut off pieces of it. I did spent a minute on it."

"Ah, yes. It's good to be back," Tuah replied with a polite smile on his lips, before turning his attention towards Iann, "Well, alright. I'll be at the bar if you need me." The treatment was to be expected, though he couldn't help but feel a little pout threatening to appear on his lips. But before he could pull such a face, Tuah wore that polite smile of his and squeeze Iann's arm before making his way towards the bar. He made his way towards Ruby first, and whoever was with the other. "Hey," he greeted, a gentle smile now on his face.

Iann grunted at Grace's comment, and then couldn't help but smirk slightly at the vampire. "Maybe Alia will do it? She's the most excited about the idea..." Grace properly teased and the Tuah comment deflected, Iann clapped his hands once at Freddie. "Oh yeah!! Okay. You're the only one I'd trust with a party for me anyway." Because god knew a party for him was mortifying. Iann was banking on Freddie finding the right balance.

Grace smacked Iann on the arm. "If Alia is jumping out of a cake for anyone's birthday, it will be mine, and since our birthdays are so close together, I doubt that's going to happen."

Bella had been rather busy making sure that food and drinks were all in heavy supply around the party, not having actually made it to much of the event because of this. When she finally did arrive it seemed Iann was with Freddie which looked like a bad option, Ephram and Elena seemed to be getting on well, Tuah was with Ruby which seemed an awful combo and it looked like River was in a cake being admired by Ash. So for now Bellamy just headed down the beach from the main building and took a seat on the sand watching everyone.

River nodded. "Yup. He helped me once before with my parents stuff. Nice guy." She chuckled at Ash's lewd insinuations, but she kept her eyes on Elena for a little longer than she should have, tearing them away to look at Ash again. This was stupid. She reached up to touch the flower in her hair, thinking about yanking it out, but instead leaving it be for now. She'd caught herself in a mirror on the way up to the parking lot, and she'd liked how it looked. That's the reason she told herself that she kept it there, anyway. "So, what do you think of the whole shabang?" she asked, gesturing to all the decorations and the people. She just hoped he was having fun.

Miguel smiled a bit. "Yeah, my coven is pretty big." He nodded his head. "Though most witches know us, most of us are further south. Kind of a Mexico to Southern California kinda coven." After the song ended and a girl jumped out of the cake and Miguel wanted a snack. Eventually he found a basket with different kinds of fruit in it and picked up a mango.

Milo looked at Miguel. "You know we were looking at snacks? I think I'm going to pop over and get a piece before it's gone." Glancing back to see if Miguel was following, he moved up toward Maya. "Did you make this?" he asked. "It looks really good. Do we have plates or should be pull it straight off the cake?" The latter felt a bit unsanitary, but it was a beach party after all.

Ash draped an arm around River's shoulder, hugging her close. "Nice guy, good flirt..." He chuckled, still a little embarrassed about that whole thing going down in front of Maya, but glad at the implications at least." Something was on River's mind, and he doubted it was whether or not Ash was getting laid tonight. "I wouldn't worry, sweetie," he whispered, following her eyeline to Ephram and the other girl he was flirting with. "He's a bit of a player, but he already pretty much said he's coming home with me tonight."

“You filthy liar,” Freddie teased, “You just know you can manipulate me, whereas our Alia is likely resistant to your charms.” The fairy caught Grace’s eye and gave her a grin. “And besides, I was talking about the party you said you were going to throw for me - I mean, bloody hell... do you never remember any of our conversations?”

"Oh bloody hell then," Grace answered, playfully exasperated. "Well, just make a google document or something. With all our birthdays and ages."

River blushed immediately when Ash noticed her staring at Elena. "I'm not...worried," she said incredulously. It was obvious denial. A flat out lie. She raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean I should sleep in the RV tonight?" she asked with a smirk.

"This is getting way too complicated. Documents on google? I don't even know what that means," Iann laughed, and scratched at his head, glancing over at Tuah's back for a moment before looking at Freddie and Grace. "Ah...well, cake's been cut, so I'm gonna head out, hm?" He clapped Freddie's arm, and nodded at Grace. "Have fun you two."

It was starting to get darker and Miguel had eaten some snacks and drank beer and hard lemonade and he had thrown Molly a couple snacks that wouldn't hurt her dog tummy. The two of them walked along the beach looking for firewood, it would be nice to make a beach fire, so people who were getting cold as the sun went down would be able to stay warm and enjoy the night a little longer.

Danny headed into the party, just in some brightly coloured shorts, Steve hopping along behind him. Immediately he made his way over to one of the few people he recognised. River. Whoever she was with he did not recognise at all but grinned when he saw her. "You look like you're doing better," he said simply, looking between the two to make sure he hadn't upset either with his presence.

Ash shrugged. "Uh, we didn't get that far yet. I don't know if he wants me to go to his place, or with his husband, or what. I'll keep you posted though." He picked up another drink, and lit a cigarette. It was a bad habit, but he already had plenty of them, so he figured he would just let himself continue. "I'm gonna mingle."

Bella leap up the moment Ash seemed to leave his companion that she didn't recognise, her heels left behind in the house but the rest of her ensemble in tact. "Happy Birthday," she smiled as she reached him, immediately linking arms.

Drink in hand Maya walked down the beach. She stopped just before she ran into someone else. "Sorry," she said with an embarrassed smile before asking, "Are you making a fire because I could really go for one about now." Her outfit, with its crop top, was not made for post sundown. She could definitely go for a bonfire and was pretty certain she wasn't the only one.

Freddie said goodbye to Iann, then turned back to Grace with a grin. “Shall we get another drink and have a little wander round, darling? Or do you think Alia will be ready to murder me by now for monopolising you all night?”

Ash beamed as he saw Bella. "Hey! I hadn't seen you all night. I was beginning to wonder if you had ditched this after all the effort you took to set it up," he teased. "It's awesome, by the way. You and River did an amazing job."

Charlie knew they were late. It was already darker than they'd intended for it to be. It wasn't hard to find the party, so they sauntered over to the group. It felt cheap to grab a drink first thing, but the beer was right there. They paused and looked around for who all they knew.

Grace dismissed Freddie's concerns with a wave of her hand. "Alia isn't jealous like me," she chuckled. "Let's have another drink, have some cake, and you can introduce me to that handsome husband of yours."

Miguel nodded. "Yeah, I figure a lot of people could use a bonfire and a place to sit and get warm." Molly grabbed a big stick and trot toward Miguel, tail wagging. Miguel took the stick and pet her head. "If you want to help, we're making a pile over there." He nodded toward where he had a good pile started.

Bella shrugged her shoulders as she wandered with him. "Was just trying to keep food coming but I guess I didn't have to worry, someone brought a whole cake," she laughed. "Besides, I didn't really know like more than half of the names you said to me so honestly I don't know like eighty percent of the people here." Some she recognised from meeting them once or twice. Whoever had come out of said cake was definitely not someone she knew but at least she was getting a moment with him. "I'm glad you're having fun. I'm sorry I couldn't come out sooner."

River nodded as Ash announced he was gonna mingle, her attention quickly stolen by Danny. She gave him a wide smile. "I am, thanks!" It was easy to dismiss her feelings in all this excitement. Plus, she was becoming sort of numb to them as the days went by. "How're you, man?"

Maya got distracted for a moment by the do trotting over towards them. She was easily distracted by dogs. Turning back to the man she flashed a smile, "Yeah you got it. You got a name or should I just take credit for the idea?"

Ash chuckled. "Maya, I think. She's a baker. River must've put her up to this. The group of you are like an unstoppable force." He shook his head. "You shouldn't be apologizing. I should be apologizing that you have to spend so much time backstage at a party you organized. Come have some fun, lady."

Charlie saw Danny and River over by the bar and headed toward them. "Hey all," they said as they moved closer. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything if I squeeze in."

Miguel chuckled and smiled. "My name is Miguel, and this is Molly." He had an inkling that she was more interested in Molly than him. That was okay, Molly was very charismatic, and he knew it.

"Dude, I am always down for a beach thing, I heard about it from some guys at the pub, this shit will definitely be getting out of control. Open invitation is open for trouble," Danny said as Steve nodded wisely beside him. "I'm heading to the ocean the moment that I get too warm from the glorious beer belly I'm about to give myself. You seen any around here? None of the bud light shit," he commented, Steve turning his nod into the shake of a head. Fortunately Charlie approached and Steve gave them what he could of a smile to show they were welcome.

Maya said hello to Molly. She then smiled at the man in front of her and held out a hand for him to shake, "Maya, responsible for the cake and happy to help with making a bonfire."

"Oh yeah, I met her," Bellamy said. She'd interacted with her once or twice but she supposed she had become distracted with other things. "I don't know if we're a group if one person doesn't really know the other two but you've certainly amassed a wonderful group. What fun is there to be had that I have been missing?" she questioned.

“Perfect,” Freddie said, holding out his arm for Grace to take and heading for the bar. They freshened their drinks, collected a bit of cake; which, the fairy had to admit was very good - Maya was quite talented in that regard - and the two of them began to meander their way through the crowd toward the last place Freddie had caught a glimpse of Ephram. “Do you think I should be jealous?” he mused light-heartedly to his friend, “I mean, I am forty, and Ash is...” Freddie laughed, not actually in any way insecure about his physical appeal. “God, how bloody old is he? I was too distracted by the girl hopping out of the cake to count the candles.”

River jabbed her thumb toward the bar. "Open bar. They have like, a lot. Not that I know what any of it is," she said with a smile, laughing a little at Steve shaking his head at Danny. "Don't go too crazy." When Charlie approached, River gave them a welcoming wave. "Charlie! Hey! You both missed me jumping out of a cake, by the way."

Ash exhaled, taking in the whole thing. He had eaten so many miniature burgers and watermelon icepops that he couldn't even fathom the thought of tackling his own cake, but he was sure that would pass in a few minutes. The thing looked amazing, Miami Vice themed and everything. "I have some great friends. I really just sort of let that sink in tonight. As far as what you've missed, just people hanging out, having fun, Ephram and I made out a little..." He threw that one in casually.

Upon shaking hands, Miguel knew that Maya was another witch. He grinned at her. "That's kind of like a secret handshake when we do it, huh?"

Danny looked over at the bar, grinning at Charlie when he gazed back. "Probably for the best, I prefer my girls that come out of cakes to possibly be down for me. You're only down for my sisters, she thought Miracle was hot," Danny told Charlie with a wink, knowing Charlie had met his littlest sister.

"Jealous?" Grace repeated. It didn't seem like it was in his nature. "From what I've seen, a bit of flirting and meaningless sex is normal for you too, so as long as you're both happy with the arrangements, I don't see why you should be jealous at all." Unless it was an age thing. But that hardly made sense. Ephram wasn't exactly young himself. He must have been closer to Freddie's age than Ash's. "He's twenty-four, Alia said."

"That's me," Ruby nodded to the woman who introduced herself as Ciara. "And nice to meet you too." She wondered who Ciara had met that knew her, but she couldn't help but smile at the comment. "Thanks. I-" And then Tuah was there and Ruby was left speechless for the span of a good few seconds before she threw her arms around his neck. "Where the hell have you been???" she said, squeezing him hard.

Bella laughed. "Who here hasn't made out with Ephram a little," she smirked, giving him a nudge. "Who else you intending to make out with? I mean, birthday boy can take his pick, right?" she giggled, leading them over to a bar.

Maya always felt a little awkward when someone immediately identified her as a witch, "Uh, yeah, I suppose so." She smiled and took a long sip from her drink. "So do you know Ash or..." she asked, hoping to get the attention away from her personal discomfort.

River hit Danny on the arm, blushing at his words. "Dude!"

"Damn," Charlie shook their head. "That seems like it would have been entertaining. Did you do a dance with it?" They grinned, knowing the idea was a little outside River's comfort zone. They could respect that. They could also respect the description of Danny's sister, although they didn't figure it was probably best to make any sort of comments of their own about her carefully. "Did she do anything about this?" Charlie asked. "More importantly, is that something Miracle would have been down for? If so, you'll have to let us know next time she's in town."

Ash snorted, not exactly unflatteringly. "You're asking me if I have a list? I flirted with this cute guy Milo at the grocery store the other day, so if he's still here..." Ash looked around for him, but to no avail. "To be honest, sex and relationships and stuff aren't that big for me, just every once in a while I get a little antsy and get the urge to fool around a little."

"I mean she's pan or something," Danny said knowing that Miracle was at the perfect age where they couldn't perfectly define their sexuality. "But she's also on the other side of the planet and I'll big brother out and say you can't bang my sister and toss her to the curb. She probably wouldn't let that happen either and her familiar is a spider so...I wouldn't advise it." Looking down to Steve the wallaby sighed, understanding Danny in and instantly and hoping off to get him a beer. "But I don't think she was mad about being considered gorgeous, we're quite a vain family, species, you know, all that stuff."

"No ah... a friend actually brought me here. I've never actually met Ash." Miguel shrugged and started back toward the stack of wood.

Freddie laughed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, darling,” he said, “I’m only teasing. Not about Ash’s age -” he chuckled again, “-I genuinely had no idea about that. I know next to nothing about him - “ Freddie glanced down at his outfit and grinned, “-other than he’s quite fond of the 80′s. The rest though, was just a wind up. I know very well what I bring to the table.” He winked, “So mostly I was fishing for compliments.”

Bella scratched at her neck when Ash mentioned Milo, knowing the guy didn't like her and wasn't really sure how their last meeting had totally gone. "Well Ephram is the perfect person to fool around with, but he's also a heartbreaker, so don't let me worry too much about you," Bellamy squeezed his arm tenderly. If Ash wanted to screw around that she could wholly support but love hurt, and Ash was far too elegant and confident to be brought down by it as she had been so many times. "Pina colada," she requested of the bartender as they made it there. "I can't believe you don't have your tail out."

Charlie snorted. "Somehow I doubt River's the hit and quit type." They winked at River as they spoke, not necessarily mentioning their own habits. They'd mostly brought themself into it just to see what Danny's reaction would be anyway. They raised a brow as Steve grabbed a beer. "Where I can get one of him?"

Danny Immediately Danny wrapped an arm around River, giving her a gentle squeeze as Charlie's words affected him. River knew how sensitive he could be about what he was and what Steve was to him so when Steve returned with the beer and handed it to Danny the marsupial hid behind River too as Danny tried to remain calm. "He's...the best," Danny merely said, giving Charlie a smile.

Ash was grateful for Bella's concern. It was nice having people to look out for him. It wasn't something anyone had ever done before. "Don't worry. I'm not looking for a husband, just a bit of fun." And that spot was already taken. He glanced down at his human legs. "Eh, I thought about it. I could have my tail out, but then I couldn't wear the suit."

Maya smiled, "A friend, what's it like to have one of those?" She picked up some driftwood as well, actually helping with the firewood as she's offered. After arranging the wood she pulled a lighter out of her pocket and started a bonfire.

Tuah returned Ruby's hug, though he was careful not to crush her. "I'll tell you when we get back, hm," he promised her, the gentle smile still on his lips. "I know I have a lot of explaining to do, to you and Iann. And to others too, but both of you especially." After a moment he continued, "I'm sorry for leaving for so long." Tuah then turned his attention towards others who were with them at the moment. "Hi," he smiled politely, "I don't think we've met. I'm Tuah."

Bella "I am desperate as hell, always looking for a husband," Bellamy joked. It was not exactly true but Bellamy had never denied she enjoyed companionship and romantic companionship helped with her loneliness, except on evenings like this when she didn't imagine Miles would be around. "True, and fashion is quite important at a theme party, you looked completely dashing, no wonder someone locked lips with you."

Grace settled next to Freddie, planting her arm on his muscular back. "You're a big softie. Another thing we have in common." She definitely must have been tipsy. "Don't tell anyone I said that." Not that it was much of a secret any more. She openly adored Alia every chance she got. "What's a guy like you have to fish for compliments for?"

"Not a real friend so much as a covenly connection. I wouldn't know what having a friend feels like," Miguel said with a small smile.... Once the fire was going he pulled out a blanket and sat on it with Molly against his leg.

"Well, I wouldn't know what a covenly connection feels like, if that helps," Maya replied. She sat down on near Miguel and his blanket, but not quite on it.

Charlie realized they may have said the wrong thing and took a sip of their beer. They weren't sure how to continue on the saem topic, so they figured it might be best to move away. "I never got to meet the rest of your sisters. They're all younger than you, right? Or did I get that wrong?" Charlie knew they'd talked about it before, but at very least it was something to say.

Ruby pulled back, looking over to where Iann stood among the crowd. "He's mad. But it's just because he was worried. But I guess you already know that." She patted a hand over his chest, then his face. "Don't be sorry, and... you don't even have to explain. I'm just glad you're okay..." Memories of a delusion shared with Iann flickered through her mind, and her eyes drifted back to where Tuah's lover still stood, pointedly ignoring him. She patted Tuah once more, letting out a breath. "Damn it's good to see you... just..." Ruby shook her head, grinning despite herself. "Nevermind," she grinned, turning towards the woman she'd been speaking to when Tuah showed up. But she was gone. "Damn..." Ruby sighed, hoping she hadn't seemed rude.

"One is older," Danny told her. "We're all pretty close in age except Miracle though, between the five of us we're all within six years, and then it dips down to Miracle who is twelve years younger than me," he described, definitely finding a focus for his words able to ease his thoughts.

Charlie smiled. "I still don't get the sibling thing, but cheers to you guys." They raised their glass in a toast and took another sip of their beer. "How's the tattoo treating you, by the way? You know your way around aftercare, but still."

Danny did know about aftercare but he only did it about half as much as he should. "I think it's looking okay," he said, holding up his arm to show the tattoo they had done. They were quite good and the watercolour part still looked pretty legit. "You two bring cozzies?" he asked.

River felt her chest tighten as Charlie said something about Steve, and felt weirdly honored when he hid behind her. But thankfully Danny handled it okay, her putting a hand on his arm for a moment for support, then removing it when the subject was glossed over. She stood silently, observing the conversation between the two of them. She found herself doing that often when she was part of a group of more than two. She felt involved just by listening, hoping that other people didn't find that creepy. "Cozzies?" She finally joined in, cocking her head to the side.

Charlie smirked and shook their head. "Merm. I don't own any kind of suit. We can still go swimming if you're not feeling offended by boobs." To them it wasn't a big deal, but they knew it was best to check first.

Elena liked the idea of a sing-along party with Ephram and she beamed at him. "Don't forget about it!" She said pointedly at him with a gleaming grin, "Now I'm going to get cake!" She bounded away from him then, going towards the table where they were serving out slices of cake and she helped herself to one of the bigger slices. She was about to go back to Ephram but noticed there was a bonfire starting, and she did love the smell of burning driftwood. It gave off such a beautiful scent and she liked to think even the color of the fire was different. So she moved towards it and sat down on a blanket, right next to a man and his dog. "Hello," she greeted him happily. "Want some cake?"

Tuah excused himself to head back towards Iann and Ruby pushed a bit into the crowd to see if she could find Ciara. After no such luck, she moved over to the fire to warm herself up a bit. It was less crowded here too, and it gave her a chance to people watch a bit more. "Great party, isn't it?" she said to the other few people standing around.

"Yeah, swimmers?" Danny asked with a raise of his brow. "Bikini...the other ones girls have that come with a weird assortment or names?" he suggested as he looked at River. "Offended by boobs? Nah, I don't think they'll do anything offensive."

Miguel looked up at the bubbly... merm, he thought as she brushed his leg. "Sure ah! Hi, I'm Miguel," he told her with a quick sheepish smile. He always felt like he had to be a bit bumbling, it usually made people more trusting faster. At least outside of work, no one liked a bumbling doctor.

River perked up with recognition. "Ooooooh, okay," she nodded. Then gestured toward Charlie. "Same here. I don't have a swimsuit." She really did want to swim, feeling the heat from the magically heated beach starting to get to her, a little too warm for her liking. She knew the ocean would be nice and cold. But there were so many people here....she didn't know if she could get naked in front of them all. "Are you two gonna swim?"

Ash perked up. First, Bella had mentioned his tail, then someone had mentioned bathing suits and swimming. "Are we planning on going in the ocean? Because I'm not offended by boobs, as long as you're not offended by... tails."

Charlie glanced over at River. "We could head over to the dock to ditch clothing," they suggested. "It's not well lit over there, and you could get in the water before coming back over."

Bella watched as Ash became distracted, taking her drink as she watched him head in their direction and awkwardly following him. It was one of those moments most people experienced at high school or a new job where one awkwardly stood on the outside. She was sipping her drink and trying to work out if she was actually involved or not, not wanting to speak in case she wasn't but not wanting to completely remove herself in case she was.

"Why would we leave? It's a private beach?" Danny asked with a raised brow.

Freddie let out a soft sort of chuckle, and leaned into Grace’s touch just a little. “I think that you and I may just have one another’s numbers, love,” he murmured, a gentle smile tugging at his lips, as he turned his head and brushed a kiss across her cheek, “-but I promise not to breathe a word.” A sparkle of mischief lit his eyes when he pulled back again. “And I don’t generally have to fish, no,” he told her, “-but I haven’t been told how pretty I am in at least the last half-hour or so, I like a bit of a regular top-up.”

Elena smiled at him and at Ruby who had just moved towards the fire to join them as well. "My name's Elena," she greeted him, taking a bit of cake onto her fork and licking some frosting from the side. "It is a great party. I think I like it most of the parties that I've been to, but I'm biased because it's at the beach and I just love the beach. Aren't driftwood fires so beautiful?"

Ash glanced back at Bella, noticing her hesitation. "Do you swim? Do you want to swim?"

River shook her head at Charlie's suggestion, setting her jaw with with determination. "Nah, I'll be okay. Thanks." She knew Charlie's intentions were good, and she really did appreciate it. Ash seemed excited about swimming too, so since the birthday boy was into it, it seemed like the decision was made. Hmmm, she wondered if Elena would want to swim....

"Uh yeah, I swim," Bella said. She wasn't a great swimmer but not needing to breath helped and most knew she liked the water but she also wanted Ash to have a good time and she didn't want to burden him with being her caretaker amongst the group. "I'm good though, you guys go swimming, you really don't need to leave and go to the docks if you want to be naked though. I mean yeah there are other people's beaches if you head further along this one but Jamara is pretty isolated, no one is going to see anyone."

Miguel cut the cake into small pieces before popping a piece into his mouth. He nodded in agreement. "The salt in the wood makes the fire more blue and green. It really is pretty." His eyes were on the flames, which danced in peculiar colors.

Charlie nodded, not wanting to push. If River felt comfortable with the undressing requirement in front of people, they were happy River's comfort level was going up. "I'm down whenever, especially if the birthday boy is in."

Ash hesitated. He wanted to be a good host, and he hadn't been swimming in a while. Spring was starting to come, which meant the water might just be warm enough to be tolerable, but leaving Bella by herself after all she had done felt like a dick move. "Are you sure you don't wanna come?"

Elena said "Is that what causes it? I always wondered what it was. I just always imagined it burned blue because being so long in the sea it just started to soak in the colors found there. I guess burning blue because of salt makes more sense than that though."

Ruby: "They are beautiful," Ruby nodded, taking it upon herself to sit down near the other two. She missed the beach back home, so the familiar warmth of the fire and the smell of the sea was nice. Ruby smiled over at the man as he commented on the flames. He was right. She turned back to the fire, pulling her knees up and propping her chin on them.

Ruby: EVERYONE GO SKINNY DIPPING WE'LL WATCHHH ))

Bella nodded her head, rubbing his back with a smile. "Enjoy, I'll watch and admire your tail with my delicious drink," Bellamy smiled, happy to watch Ash enjoy his other friends and join those who were clearly quite aware of one another and had a more Earthy feel to their enjoyment of it. "I haven't seen a naga swim before so it'll be interesting."

Miguel "If you think about it, it's just another way to explain the same thing," he said with a soft smile. Molly leaned her head more on his leg, letting him know that she was tired. He looked over at the new girl and smiled. "Hi, I'm Miguel." He was getting used to introducing himself a lot, that's just what happened when you moved somewhere new. But so much in one day, that's what you got when you went to a party.Ash nodded, accepting Bella's words as sincere and not the go-but-I'll-be-mad-about-it kind of vibe. He kissed her cheek and finished his drink, already starting to take off his white linen suit jacket and the pastel t-shirt underneath. "Alright, I usually get to know people a little better before I get my junk out in public, but here we go."

Bella wasn't upset, she took his kiss with a smile and leaving him with his friends, finding herself a place among the sand with her drink. If she appeared upset it wouldn't be about Ash. Likely his tail would put a perfect smile on her face.

"Ruby," she said, nodding since she was too far away to shake his hand. "Nice to meet you. And I think I like Elena's reason for the blue just as much as the science answer," she grinned. "I know you from somewhere, don't I?" Ruby asked Miguel.

River broke away from everyone, spotting Elena farther onto the beach by a fire with Ruby and someone else she didn't know. In a move only facilitated by the confidence afforded to her by her cake stunt and the fact that she was about to strip down naked (the anticipation was sort of delicious), she walked over and put a hand on Elena's shoulder gently. "A bunch of us are about to go swimming. Did you wanna join me? I mean, us?"

Danny "Damn, so you all get to be naked and I'm the idiot who actually wore boardshorts," Danny sighed, he could get naked if he felt like it but his shorts weren't exactly hiding anything but graphic details. Once he got into the water fabric would cling to everything.

Charlie laughed at Ash's unabashed remark. "Sounds like an invitation to me." Charlie started moving toward the water ad they took off their blazer, not really caring that their clothing would get wet if they moved down too far. They removed their top as well before looking back at the group. There was weird energy that Charlie would considered closer to the bedroom than to a swim.

Elena had her mouth stuffed with cake when River touched at her shoulder and introduced the prospect of some late night swimming. Even though she'd been scared to swim in the open ocean, she was fine staying close to the shoreline, and knowing others would be with her she felt it would be too much fun to miss out on. "Sure!" She said, but since her mouth was full it was a bit muffled. She swallowed her cake, licking the frosting from her lips and then handing the rest of the cake to Miguel. Elena moved to stand, brushing the sand from her dress and without a moment's hesitation she just pulled it over her head, discarding it on the sand where it landed near where Molly was laying. "Come on," Elena grabbed River by the hand and basically dragged her toward the water.

Ruby saw Charlie leave the other group of people that was across the beach and pull of their top. She found herself watching, admiring their tattoos, as much as she could see them in the semi-darkness. Ruby's own tattoo - done by Charlie - had healed well and now sat bright and colorful along her right shoulder and back. Ruby looked at Miguel as Elena got up and ran off with River. "You goin' swimmin' too?" she asked.

Miguel nodded. "I don't think it's a HIPAA violation to tell your own patient that you're their doctor, but..." His broke into a smirk. It had taken him a minute to recognize Ruby, but the name and the face together made him think of the day she came into the hospital, a little loopy from blood loss, but nothing a pint of lactated ringers couldn't fix.

Miguel watched as a gaggle of youth ran into the ocean naked. They looked like they were having fun, but it also looked like it was starting to get too late for him and his old man sensibilities.

Ash wasn't exactly shy. He didn't really so much mind other people seeing his surgery scars either. It just usually took a little while before people were comfortable with that kind of platonic intimacy. He piled his clothes up neatly, just about covering himself with his hands before he transformed, letting his long, black tail spread across the beach. "Now I know this isn't the kind of eyeful you were all hoping for, but this is how I swim. Mostly. So this is what you get."

"Honestly none of these eyefuls will do much for me, you've got parts I'm not into, they're got parts I'm into but am not the kind they'd be into so no eyefuls for me," he said, not liking the idea of sexualising someone who wouldn't approve of it. Sure, River and Charlie were attractive but Danny wasn't about to start thinking anything of that. "Just skin to water fun for you lot," Danny grinned at Ash. "I'm Danny by the way."

River felt her breath hitch at how suddenly Elena stripped her dress off, not even getting time to process it as her hand was grabbed and she was pulled toward the water. She was able to kick her shoes off before she was dragged in, and once she was about knee deep, she reclaimed her hand with a joyful laugh and started unbuttoning her shirt, throwing it and her pants behind her on the beach. The only reason she wasn't being as bashful as usual was the presence of so many other people doing the same. Once she was stripped down, she sank into the water a bit more, to cover herself.

"That's where I know you from..." Ruby said. "The hospital. I spend way too much time there," she blushed a bit.

Ash snickered. "We're just having fun, man. Nothing sexual about it. And I'm Ash. Nice to meet you. Usually I'm not naked when I meet someone for the first time." He laughed and slithered toward the water, way faster than he'd have been able to move with his human legs.

"How long have you been there?" Ruby asked again. "I was there for a couple of weeks about... two years ago now. ICU. Died a couple of times," she huffed, feeling suddenly melancholy. But the laughter and the movement of the others called her attention, and she smiled again. "That water is probably freezing," she laughed.

Charlie finished getting undressed and waded into the water. They went in past their waist before actually shifting. "Nice trick!" they called toward Ash. "Not all of us can do that on land." Seeing that Elena and River had moved into the water, they headed back toward the group.

Danny Heading towards the water with him Danny grinned. "I mean, less you can make it sexual," he said as he spotted Elena with River. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, knowing River had been so upset about her break up. He didn't say anything though, merely moved his eyes between Elena and Ash. "All good, you've got like a model face, you being naked is like art in life or whatever, where people do art in like...places," Danny said, not totally smart enough to be talking about what he was. "Happy Birthday too."

Miguel shrugged a little, but Molly had moved so she was leaning on one of his arms - it was a lopsided shrug. "It'll be like that sometimes." He listened as she told him about her past experience at the hospital. "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, I haven't been there that long, only a few months." Miguel looked back at the youths and stared at the naga for a little longer than necessary. It was hard to see in the fading light, but it looked like the birthday naga had a very familiar set of scars. Nice,Miguel thought to himself. And he's so comfortable with his body... That was very nice and encouraging to see. Miguel would never be so casual about undressing in public, but it seemed like a lot of the LGBT youth were getting more and more well adjusted.

Once in the water, Elena's legs morphed together, turned gray and were replaced by her dolphin-like fin. She dipped beneath the water completely, wetting her hair and seeing more legs and also a snake tail? She swam towards them, surfacing quietly beside Danny to look at Ash. "I've never seen a naga in the ocean before," she stated with a smile, casually wrapping her arms around Danny's waist as her tail and depth of the water meant she could only float atop the water's surface. "You must be Ash. Happy Birthday! I tried singing along but I didn't actually know the words."

Ash openly admired Charlie once they transformed. He'd never actually seen a merm up close like this before, and he'd never seen Charlie like this. "But I bet you're better than me in the water." Elena too, for what it was worth. He smiled at Danny, playfully flattered. "Did you just call me a model? Well, this might just turn sexual after all."

Ruby merely hummed in answer. She didn't mention that sort of thing often, especially at such a happy occasion. So she let it pass. She watched the people in the water for a bit longer, and almost got up to go over. But it was warm here by the fire, and Ruby was enjoying watching more than anything.

"Love, you're gonna pull my shorts down," Danny joked, knowing that with everyone else naked his shorts were sort of silly and hoping that she'd get that he was merely teasing her by the lightness of his words. "Neither," he agreed with her though, laughing that she didn't know the happy birthday words, sinking down into the water until her arms were around his neck, standing so her own tail was on display in the shallow area. "She is dynamite in the water mate, swam from some fucking nasty things in there when those creatures got out, tough as fuckin' nails," he complimented her before winking at Ash, happy that his compliment had impressed the naga.

Charlie swam up to tread water next to Danny and Elena. They smiled at both, laughing a little as they thought about the last time they'd ended up swimming with Elena. It had ended up with a nice conversation in mermish that they didn't get to speak in often enough. But surrounded by everyone else, they figured English was best. "How's swimming with two appendages instead of one?" they teased Danny. It was the kind of get together Charlie didn't do very often, and they intended to enjoy it.

River watched as Charlie and Elena shifted their legs, and thought about shifting herself as well. But if she did, she wouldn't be able to talk to anyone anymore. She didn't know if that was a pro or a con at the moment. She dove under the water with Elena, following her over to the group. She went over to between Ash and Charlie, putting her arms around the two. Her chest was tight with subconscious embarrassment from being naked, but she knew nobody in this group was going to judge her, and being on a private beach far enough away from the rest of the party now helped a lot. River listened to Danny complimenting Elena and felt herself smiling like an idiot.

Danny frowned at Charlie, seeming to be confused. "But...I have three appendages?" he responded quizzically before grinning with laughter. One of the few dick jokes he felt was not too offensive to make amongst present company.

Charlie raised an eyebrow and frowned at Danny as River swam up. They returned an arm around the waist without really thinking about it. "That was bad, dude. I think we should all pretend you didn't make that joke."

Elena glanced between Charlie and Danny after his comment and she returned with, "But landfolk have four. Two legs and two arms."

River chuckled. "He's talking about his dick," she explained. She felt comforted by Charlie's arm around her waist. It helped steady her nerves, seeing as the two of them had swam together before. It was almost like a weird kinship.

Ash burst into laughter, lightly splashing Danny with his hands. "But of course the only cis guy in the water's gotta make the dick jokes."

Charlie "I wasn't counting arms," Charlie said. "I ignored them for the sake of a joke, but I should have known better. Instead I just set him up for the awful one he made back.

Danny swayed Elena so her tail moved in the water. "Yup, we have four," Danny agreed, nodding at Charlie with a little laugh, happy to encourage Elena if it made his own bad joke fall away. "Clearly I'm feeling very insecure amongst you all, so beautiful and naked," he said back to Ash, egging his ego on as he often did most everyone. "Let's head deeper," Danny said, pulling Elena through the water until it was up to his chest, and in turn her own, looking back at the others. He hoped this wasn't to far for her, not wanting to make her fearful in front of the others. "Exactly, you set this up, mate," he called to Charlie.

Ruby bid goodnight to Miguel as he rose to go home, and downned the rest of her drink. The laughter from the water kept pulling her attention, but Ruby felt a bit like an outsider wondering if she could come play. Finally, realizing she was either going to go in thewater or go home, she got up and padded over, heels held in her hands. "Is it cold?" she asked as she got close enough.

Charlie was about to counter Danny's comment when they heard Ruby call. "Not super cold," they said, "but Danny's probably the best indicator for what you can handle. I don't notice it much."

Ash lifted his head, turning his gaze toward the shore as Ruby came closer. "Ruby! Hey!" He waved her towards the water. "It's not too cold. Come on in. I haven't seen you all night. Last time we met, I at least had the decency to go in the bathroom before I took off my pants."

Elena found that landfolk humor often times went over her head. She'd lived under the sea for so much of her life and was still just getting a grasp on their sense of humor. She kept her arms wrapped around Danny's neck lightly as he started to pull her deeper into the water. The waters were pretty still, and so far they hadn't gone too deep to cause her any anxiety.

Danny hadn't ever seen a picture of Freddie's ex but when Ash said her name Danny knew who it was. He didn't need to be rude, he wasn't that kind of guy so he smiled. "It's alright, bit nippy, maybe cross your hands over your chest at first, love," he told called out to her, still swaying Elena from one side to the other.

Ruby hadn't met Danny, but figured he was guy swimming with Elena, since he was the only unfamiliar face. "Fine, fine..." she called to Ash after nodding to Charlie about the temperature. "Hold your horses." But she was grinning now. After just a moment of hesitation, Ruby stripped off her clothes and waded out into the water. "Holy shit that's cold! You're all a buncha liars!" she laughed, splashing water towards Charlie and Ash.

Ash laughed, swimming toward Ruby and curling his tail around her waist. "Better?"

Charlie slid to duck away from the splashed water. "You did get your info from a bunch of seafood." And Danny, but they didn't want to single him out again. "You should have known to keep that grain of salt with it."

Danny: "Women are naturally colder than men...probably should have considered that," Danny said, scrunching up his face. His Mum had told him that it was to prepare for childbirth, and it was why women suddenly felt crazy hot when they hit menopause, their bodies were rising to the same temperature as a man's. The world made shit hard for them. Walking himself and Elena bit closer to the group he got a better look at Freddie's ex, she had the same dark hair as him. "Sorry about that, love," he said kindly, leaning his head to one side. "Have you met my backpack?"

Elena laughed at Charlie's words, especially the part about the grain of salt, because the ocean was full of salt. That was a joke she could get behind. "Backpack? I'm not a backpack! I'm Elena and yes we've met a few times."

Ruby: "Better," she said, reaching down to stroke over the smooth scales of Ash's tail. "And I guess that's what I get for trustin' you lot," she said to Charlie, but it was with good humor.

River was completely fine in the water, not even noticing any nippiness in the water. But the truth was she would be fine in arctic water, so she wasn't a good judge. The last time she'd seen Ruby get into the water they'd both been used in a spell to cage a Kraken, so this was a good change of pace. She was acutely aware of how quiet she was again, just observing the conversation, shrinking back from it. Detaching. The thrill of the act was starting to wear off, and she felt herself sinking back into the water.

"You're not my backpack?" Danny asked Elena, turning back to look at her. "I should take you off then?" he asked, shaking her more vigorously than he had been before.

Ash giggled as Ruby stroked his tail. "See, if you take me home it's like having a pet lizard and a boyfriend all wrapped up in one."

Ruby stroked Ash's tail again. "Who said I wanted a boyfriend?" she teased.

Ash laughed, playfully squeezing her a bit tighter. "Touche."

"Though you can come home with me if you like..." Ruby continued.

Elena laughed and held onto him tighter, "No! I'm not a backpack. I'm lichen!" His shaking caused the water to splash roughly around her tail.

"Oh no, lichen, that is probably poisonous, I don't know, sounds dangerous" Danny said, falling backwards into the water, knowing that pushing her under couldn't possible go wrong, it wasn't like she couldn't breath under the water.

Charlie laughed as they watched the relationships around them unfold. It was endearing to see people interact. Noticing that River wasn't saying much, Charlie turned toward her. "Enjoying the water?"

Ash winked at her, uncurling from her and stretching out in the water again. "See, Riv? We joked about being each other's wing-man tonight and look what happens? I go months without any offers, to multiple offers in one night."

River snapped her head toward Charlie when she heard them speak, not really expecting anyone to address her. "Oh, uh, yeah. I was starting to overheat on the beach, actually. This is nice." She smiled at Danny and Elena playing around, flinching a little when Danny fell backwards into the water with the two of them. Everybody interacting made her feel a little jealous. She wished she knew how to be that comfortable in a group. Ash's words were bittersweet to her, but she smiled wide at him anyway. "I don't think you need me on that front," she said with a smirk.

Elena The water splashed over her and she was submerged with a laugh. Her tail flailed in the water and she released her hold on Danny's neck. She pinched his butt and swam away with a gurgling laugh, moving through the water towards the others in the group. She surfaced, squirting water from her mouth out and aiming it at River, feeling in a very playful mood now.

"You don't have to if you've got previous offers," Ruby smiled, treading water a bit as Ash untangled himself. "I haven't had an offer in six months or more, so welcome to the club."

Danny "Oi," he said when she felt her pinch his butt. "That's not paying fair, little lichen," he said, though laughing as he watched her squirt River in the mouth with water.

Ash gave Ruby a smile. They'd both been in a pretty weird situation together and come out on the other side. That made him trust her. A different feeling than what Ephram had stirred up in him, but equally nice. "Everyone wants a piece of the birthday boy. What can I say?" He shrugged. "I'm just teasing. I don't know what's gonna happen. The other person is a little pre-occupied right now. They have my number." Not that it would do any good when his phone was over there on the beach.

Charlie swam back as Danny and Elena splashed about. "Glad you're feeling better now then. Was it just being out in the heat for a while?" They could understand River's dilemma, although they didn't deal with temperature weirdness very often. It had happened before, and they were sure it would happen again. Charlie also tried not to look like they were listening in on Ash's conversation. It certainly seemed like he was a popular dude tonight.

"I'm up for a threesome," Ruby told him, almost completely serious. If the third was Ephram , though could be awkward. But otherwise... Ruby was up for some fun.

Ash laughed so hard be practically snorted, but it wasn't unkind, just shocked. He draped an arm around Ruby's shoulder. "Pssh, in that case, say no more."

River nodded. "Yeah. The heat spell on the beach was killing me." She tried to shield her face when Elena suddenly squirted water at her, and she let out a giggle. River didn't giggle, so it was a rare sound to hear. She responded with a splash, then aimed a splash at Charlie, letting out a more deep, River like laugh.

Ruby looped an arm around his waist, feeling the place around his waist where skin turned to scales. "Who's your third party, hm? Anybody I know?"

Ash had just been playing. Not entirely not-serious, but not serious-serious. Unless Ruby was really up for it. He revelled in the attention, probably more so than he should have. "Well, I haven't exactly asked him what he's in for, but I met him at the bar. Name's Ephram."

Danny could hear the conversations around him and watched River giggled, he focused on that, what Freddie's ex got up to wasn't any of his business and he focused on tuning it out. He wasn't a gossip, this was her business. "You have lichen poisoning now, River," Danny informed her with a smirk.

Ruby nearly choked on a mouthful of water as Ash named off Ephram. "Why does that not surprise me?" she laughed, coughing a bit. "I'm afraid that threesome's not gonna happen, hon. Ephram's my ex-husband. Could be awkward.But... Ephram in's for pretty much anythin'. So if you take him up on it, it'll be a good time."

Elena didn't shield herself from the splash, but let the water hit her, she was already thoroughly drenched so being splashed was nothing but fun and she splashed back at River. "Lichen isn't poisonous!" She dipped her mouth into the water and squirted some at Danny too.

Charlie "Hey!" Charlie protested, putting their hands up to defend themself before giving in to splash back. "I don't see how I did anything to deserve that." Realizing that their hands made a puny splash, Charlie slid around and dipped slightly below the water in order to get their tail up high enough to slap it down and send a small wave of water in River's direction.

Ash just stared at her for a moment before laughing again. "Well, my goodness, apparently I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I?" The benefits of a small town, he supposed. "Well, I'm just here to have a good time, not get in the middle of anything, but like I said... who knows what'll happen?" He swam back just far enough to give her a little splash, joining in on the fun.

River giggled again, feeling herself blush as she made the noise. "I'm poisoned? I need an antidote!" she play acted, her voice slightly dramatic and teasing. Then Charlie splashed her with their tail. "Hey! No fair!" she protested.

"Ain't nothin' to get in the middle of," Ruby assured him. "We're on good terms. I just don't think either of us wants to have sex with the other right now." She splashed him back, squealing a bit as water flew everywhere.

"Would you really tell us if you were trying to poison us?" Danny asked Elena, watching as Charlie protested the splashing that was happening. "Oh no," he let out as River worried of poison. "We are not going to the hospital again."

Elena protested again, "Lichen aren't poisonous! They're harmless and live on rocks and things!" She swam around, splashing with her tail and squirting water at them when they weren't looking.

River continued to splash fight with Elena and the rest, finding herself close to her after a bit. Instead of splashing her again, River put a hand on her arm, sliding it up to her shoulder. "What are you doing after this?" she said, the words spilling out of her mouth like a waterfall. She'd picked up on the directness of Ash and Ruby's conversation, and decided to take a page out of their book.

"I could see you living on a rock, all wet and sandy and -," he stopped, because sad Elena wasn't something other people had seen. Beautiful crying Elena on a rock mourning wasn't an image quite so recogniseable. "You know...naked," Danny instead said. "I wish there were caves around here, stupid fancy people beach."

Charlie let out a laugh at Danny's comment. "That is the nature state to be on a rock," they said. Treading casually for a moment, Charlie glanced around, but they were far enough from their usually haunts that they weren't sure where the closest caves were. "Might be out of luck on that one." They purposefully ignored River's comment, keeping their attention solely focused on Danny to give the illusion of privacy.

Danny "I think I could be quite beautiful, just naked on a rock, covered in water. Though I might get mistaken for like a werebear trapped on a rock with all of this," he said, running over the thick hair on his chest that was knotting together because of water.

Charlie shrugged, her shoulders dipping slightly higher above the water. "There would probably be worse sights. And hey, insulation. Hair is a very important part of life above sea." Below it got a little tangled, but they were trying to be encouraging. "Do you have a particular pose you'll strike? Disney or pinup?"

Elena shrugged her shoulders beneath the water, languidly rolling over to her side, "I don't know. Probably something, but I never really know until I'm doing it. Why? Are you doing something fun?"

Danny "I wouldn't be sure of either, you should show me some perfect mer-poses, though Ash is the model here, I've already decided as much so perhaps I'll need his help," Danny teased, looking over to the man and the woman he had been flirting with before turning back to Charlie. "He might be too busy though."

River 's shoulders slumped slightly. It was clear Elena hadn't picked up on the insinuation. A lot of options of what to say were still vague and awkward, so she opted for the direct, if not slightly lame, response. "I mean, hopefully you?" She felt a knot form in her stomach. This was so not her. What was she doing??

Danny heard River and held back a laugh, focusing so very hard on Charlie and their tail, trying to count the scales on it. It was direct but just cheesey, which admittedly Danny loved. Didn't mean it wasn't funny. Eventually he just moved closer to Charlie. "I think I need some poses now."

Elena laughed lightly, not in a teasing way but in a genuinely amused and flattered way. "Well, you're not wrong there. I am fun. In fact," and she moved towards River in the water slowly, "I can be very fun."

Charlie glanced over in River and Elena's direction and nodded. "I think that would be a great idea." They grabbed Danny's arm and pulled him away from the potentially lucky selkie. "Would it be easier to post back up by shore?"

Danny wasn't going to go too far, with how River had been and how Elena was he was cautious but Elena deserved her fun and so long as no one was upsetting her he didn't feel like he was breaking any of the promises he'd made her. "Yeah, lets head to the sand, keep your tail on though, I can't be a lichen without the perfect imagry," he said. Plus he liked their tail, it was really quite breath taking. Different to Elena's by a mile but amazing on it's own.

River felt the knot in her stomach tighten as Elena moved toward her, but her hands naturally found themselves on her hips, feeling the blend of skin and tail there. "I don't doubt that," she said in a low voice, finding it easier to speak now that the first hurdle had been jumped over.

Charlie nodded and began swimming up. The sand didn't irritate their tail much to rub together as long as their was still watcher to help sooth the microscopic cuts. "Do you have a particular pose in mind to be the perfect lichen? It seems like the kind of thing one might just flop on their back for, but I bet you could be more elegant if you wanted."

Dani had arrived late. Fashionably late - or so they liked to think. Their black suit wasn't very aligned with the theme, but they walked over with confidence nonetheless. What they hadn't expected to find was a group of partygoers in the water with an apparent lack of clothing. The nudity itself didn't bother them in the slightest, but the scene certainly cued a bit of awkwardness from their position on the beach. "You know," they called out towards the water, loosening tie slightly, "when I was told there was a theme, I didn't expect nudity to be a part of it."

Danny "Me? Elegant?" he asked, laying down on the ground beside his friend. They were so chill, Charlie was much cooler than him and it was nice she was keeping him company while the others flirted. "You think very highly of me," Danny grinned, laying back and making a starfish position. "Is this good?"

Charlie nodded with a smile. "It's great." They looked up at the yell to see someone they didn't recognize walking toward them in a full suit and not the kind Danny had inquired about earlier. "It is a beach party, after all," they called back. They leaned over to poke Danny's belly. "This is where your face would be if you were a real starfish. I think it works better where it is, though."

Danny "My abs are definitely better looking than my face," he laughed, looking over at the new arrival. He recognised them from Halloween, obviously they were party acquaintances.

Charlie laughed at Danny again before motioning to the person on shore. "You should come in," they said. "I mean I could come to you, but my clothing is way over there. Depending on your preferences, that could be a weird first conversation.

Elena raised herself out of the water a bit, just enough so she could rest her hands on River's shoulders, pulling the other towards her to press a kiss against her lips. "Come on then. I've had my drinks, I've had cake, and now I'll have you." She fully intended on taking River back to her room at the hotel, figuring it'd be more than fine since now that Tuah was back, Iann would likely stay with him.

Dani blinked out at the person in the water and couldn't resist the slightest laugh. "My preferences are fairly open, but seeing as all the fun is out there, I suppose I can't refuse." After walking over to a table, they began to strip their clothes, folding them neatly but leaving their boxers on their person. They would have had no issue with stripping completely if they hadn't had a husband to consider. A minute later, they were stepping into the water, shivering briefly as they adjusted to the cold. "So, what have you all been up to then? Seems like I missed the bulk of the fun already."

Charlie glanced back out at the water, amused to see how well River and Elena seemed to be getting on. Once Dani joined the water, Charlie held up a hand in greeting. "There's been the promise of tomfoolery, but not that much in public eyes, so I'm sure that's a record for a beach party. "Ash is probably still around here somewhere if you try to find him later. The rest of us are mostly just floating."

Dani chuckled at Charlie's answer. "Yeah, these things usually get pretty wild. Probably best we haven't gone too crazy. Yet." At the mention of Ash, they nodded. "I'm sure I'll run into him at some point."

Ciara hadn't joined in with the water play for a number of reasons, in no small part because those that had were very young and while she was working on it, her body still looked weakened from her fight in January. Instead, she was enjoying the warmth of the fire, and watching the full moon ripple on the water. Blue moon, she thought idly. The vastness of the ocean was something she'd never get over, having so far from any sea for most of her life. Entrancing, magic in its own right. As she watched, she idly played with the blood in an abandoned glass nearby, making it dance and twist to the rhythm of the music still beating through the sand.

Ash had fun splashing around with everyone, and it seemed River was making some progress on her getting over Rye plan too. After a little while splashing around, he decided to get out of the water and go talk to some of the people who might not have been as comfortable stripping down and swimming around. He kept his tail out, draping a towel around his shoulders and drying himself off. He wasn't looking for anyone in particular when he spotted Maya nearby, and someone he could only assume was a witch twirling around blood in her glass wordlessly. "Oh, cool trick."

Maya had decided against getting in the water. She told herself it was because it was too cold, which it was, but she knew that it had more to do with her general discomfort in crowds. Things in Soapberry, the something like family she was finding here, felt too good to be true. And then of course there were things with River. Instead Maya sat by a small bonfire, giving Ash a smile as he emerged from the water.

Seeing as everyone was getting out little by little, Ruby let herself float a bit more, lying on her back and watching the full moon up above. It was so big and so bright, it was nearly hypnotizing. But Ruby knew better than to let herself become too distracted in the water, so eventually she turned and waded back to the shore, snagged a towel and wrapped it around herself before grabbing her clothes and moving back to the fire. She plopped down next to someone already sitting there, careful not to jostle them, and pulled her dripping hair over her shoulder. She squeezed it out and ran her fingers through it so it could start to dry. "I can't tell you the last time I did that..." she said idly to whoever might be listening.

Ciara looked up as she spotted the guy Iann had pointed out earlier with Ephram and smiled up at him, then her eyes slid down his tail, momentarily amazed. She'd seen naga tail sheddings, and a naga with a tail from afar, but this was different altogether. "Thanks. You're the birthday boy, right? Ash? I'm Ciara." She glanced to where he had looked before, the young woman who had made the cake, nodding a small greeting there, too. The blood crystallised into a dozen pieces that spun and rotated before returning to their normal crystal state. "Seemed a shame to let it go to waste - ferret blood is such a little more unusual than most at these kinds of places."

Maya glanced up as someone sat next to her. After half a second she recognized Ruby, who she had met on New Years. "Last time I did that one of the guys thought it would be real funny to steal my clothes," she replied, "So you know, I kicked his ass."

Ruby snorted at Maya's comment. "Did he fall in love or learn a lesson?" she asked, adjusting the towel around her so it didn't slip.

Maya shrugged, "Little of both I think." She took a sip from her drink, watching the waves and the people still in them. With the sun down it should've been cold, but someone had arranged for magical heat lamps for the beach.

Ash shook his head. "Stealing clothes is no fun. We're all about consent here, and stealing clothes means you can't consent to, you know, not be naked any more." He gave an endearing chuckle. "Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you." He turned his attention to Ciara. "Ash. That's me! Ferret blood is delicious. I'm partial to rabbit myself though. Can you do anything else with it?" He asked questions with the wide-eyed nature of a child in science class.

Ruby hummed. "As it should be." She watched the flames for a moment, letting the easy feeling of being slightly drunk settle over her. She wasn't wasted like she had been at New Year's, merely pleasantly buzzed. Looking over at the woman Ash was talking to, Ruby grinned to herself. Though it turned into a slight grimace at the talk of blood. But to each his own. "Haven't seen you around," Ruby said to Maya. "You been okay?"

Maya "Yeah, he didn't get invited out with us much after that," Maya replied to Ash. Of all the things that had happened to her though that incident didn't rank even in the top 100. "Um..." she turned to Ruby. Had she been okay? Well, not entirely given everything with Shaw and its still lingering effects. But this was Ash's birthday party, not her pity party. "Yeah, I've been alright," she said, "I've been working a lot and some stuff came up I had to deal with." Maya shrugged and hoped no one would ask anything else about it.

Ciara glanced at Maya with a smirk on her lips. "He had it coming." Ciara wasn't much one for physical violence, when magical violence came so naturally, but she could respect it in anyone. She looked back at their apparent host with a smirk on her lips. "Can I do anything else with it?" She repeated in amusement, a glint in her eye. She hadn't had much, but enough of the buzz had rubbed off on her that she was more than happy to show off. The blood congregated into one large droplet that rippled above the palm of her hand. It shimmered briefly before she dropped it into a new cup and floated the cup to his hand. "Given it's your birthday. Go on, give it a taste. I promise it's not poison." There was a little danger in the smile on her lips, a little challenge too, but then, there often was.

Ash gave Maya a sympathetic but casual look. He wasn't usually the overbearing sort when it came to his friends. He figured if they needed him, they'd ask. "Well that sucks. I hope it gets better soon. At least for tonight you can distract yourself, huh?" There was enough alcohol, cigars and beautiful people around for that. He cocked his head at Ciara's offer, edging closer and holding the cup she'd magically placed in his hand. Man, he loved witches. "Well, I've put worse things in my mouth," he said with a wink, downing the blood without a moments hesitation. "Oh! That's... it's just like rabbit blood, so fresh!"

Ruby nodded as Maya answered, but didn't press. She was glad to hear that Maya was doing okay, despite working so much. Ruby had her own 'stuff' going on, but didn't care to think about itmuch tonight. She'd much rather sit here and admire all the pretty people and soak up the general feeling of happiness that floated around. She turned to watch what what Ciara and Ash were doing. "I love magic sometimes," Ruby murmured. "Sorry for earlier, by the way," she said over at Ciara. "It was completely rude of me to get so distracted..."

Maya waved off Ash's concern, "Don't worry about it. It's all settled. Anyway you're right, it's your birthday. There's cake, there's booze and I'm pretty sure you're monopolizing all the pretty people at this party, but I can forgive you for that." She did spare a thought to Ryden, almost wishing he were here but quickly deciding she wouldn't hold his attention anyway. Maya was content to sit and soak in the company for as long as it lasted.

Ash held up his hands with a faux innocence. "Hey, I'm not Monopolizing anyone. There's plenty of pretty people to go around."

Ruby grinned. "It is his birthday... so he can have a pass for tonight I guess."

Ciara watched his reaction with a knowing amusement. It was one of her most common party tricks, and usually impressed anyone who drank blood. She couldn't shift something into the taste of something she'd never experienced for herself, but she'd had a fair amount of practice with most common animals by now. most common blood types, too. "Anything else you want to try? You are the man of the hour, after all, and I didn't bring any other gift." She looked back over at Ruby, and smiled at that pretty southern twang. "Don't worry about it. Besides, he was very distracting looking." And vaguely familiar.

Maya laughed, "I said I forgive him for it." She wasn't looking for that out of this party anyway. With Soapberry becoming something like home and its residents becoming her friends and something like family she didn't feel the same need for closeness in that manner.

"He's a good friend that's been gone for awhile," Ruby said. "Seein' him was... unexpected." But good. She wondered how Iann had reacted. Not well, if she knew him at all (which admittedly she really didn't).

Ash: "Oh, come on now. Y'all are gonna make me blush." And Ash didn't blush easily. He wanted attention. Sometimes he craved it, but tonight was more than he ever could have expected. Flirting and kidding around was all well and good, but there was also a sincerity to the whole thing too. It was nice, if a little overwhelming. "Honey," he said to Ciara, "I'm from New Orleans. We've got witches all over the place, but you might just be the most fascinating one I've ever seen."

Ruby smiled back at Maya. "Alright, alright... point taken," she laughed as well. Ruby felt almost the exact opposite of Maya lately. She'd been in town for over two years, and had never really been bereft of affection. Until recently. Recently it had been pretty much nonexistant, and if Ruby was honest, she was lonely. But she would never press anyone into spending time with her. That was utterly beside the point. So if companionship like this was all that would come from tonight, Ruby would take it. And be happy.

Maya laughed again before faking offense, "Now that is going to take a little more to forgive. Most fascinating witch you've ever seen, I made you cake." She smiled immediately afterward making clear she didn't actually mean it.

Ash draped an arm around Maya's shoulder. "You're my favorite baker if that helps." He smiled. "Just kidding. There's room for everyone. I can appreciate both cake and blood in equal measure."

Maya didn't flinch this time when Ash wrapped an arm around her given that she knew it was him. "I suppose I can live with that," she replied smiling. In truth she didn't think of herself as particularly interesting when it came to her magic. Circumstances had meant she didn't explore it much after the loss of her parents. What she could do now was mostly what she had learned before the age of eight, augmented with a few experiments here and there.

"All the more reason to get distracted," Ciara replied to Ruby, smiling warmly. She really didn't mind, and was oddly glad her magic tricks hadn't scared the human away. Looking back to Ash, she cocked an eyebrow. "I'd have introduced myself earlier if I'd known the host was so interesting himself," she replied smoothly, but Maya's retort caught her ear and she looked over, curious. "I should have known. That cake was magical in its own right," she complimented.

"And more with the flattery. If that cake doesn't give me a cavity, all this sweetness will." Ash was going to need to give River and Bella a proper thank you for this. The whole thing had been amazing. Many of the guests he'd never met before tonight, but he was definitely glad to know them now. "So you do blood magic. That's pretty rare, right? That'd explain why I hardly know anything about it. Does Naga blood do anything cool? I mean, I've got plenty," he half-joked, practically offering her his wrist.

Maya shook her head, "Well, it technically wasn't this time actually. I was short on time and had to do some building too. Plus I like to warn people before they end up under the influence and that's a bit hard at a party like this."

"True," Ruby replied to Ciara. "Though his boyfriend might kill him before I get to see him again..." She was kidding. Mostly. But who knew how Iann would react to Tuah's return. Hopefully with lots of makeup sex.

Ciara: "I didn't mean that kind of magic," Ciara replied to Maya truthfully. She was trying to be careful about what magic she let near her for that reason, but the cake had been excellent regardless. "It is," Ciara confirmed as his drink shimmered again in his hand, "But then, so are naga. I've never used any, myself," she eyed his wrist as he offered it, but shook her head lightly. "I know it makes for powerful speed and agility potions, for making someone silver tongued and sly. But it depends on the person it comes from. What kind of person they are, what they believe, what they desire." She didn't break eye contact with him as she spoke, hardly even blinking. People were always curious about this, and she was always happy to answer.

Ash was blissfully ignorant about who this Tuah person was, and was thankfully ignorant about the fact they were talking about Iann's sex life. He raised his glass to the stranger who had come home to his boyfriend and hoped they had a good time. Ciara was effortlessly charming and fascinating, happy to talk about her magic, which meant Ash was happy to listen. And happy to experiment, if the situation called for it. "Maybe some other time then," he chuckled, withdrawing his hand again. "I'd say I'm definitely silver tongued. Not sly. Honest. Fast and agile? Definitely. Ruby can vouch for me. Just a few days ago we had to run away from someone tryna eat our brains! Soapberry is so weird sometimes."

"It's true," Ruby said to Ash's comment. "He's hella fast. And we've both still got our brains. Mostly," she grinned.

Ephram had been obliged to go somewhere quieter and talk to dispatch at the station about various boring things he should have taken care of beforehand, so really he had nobody to blame but himself. Making his way back to the bonfire, he noticed that the folks had mixed around somewhat but that didn't stop him from joining them. "Still sulking?" he teased Maya, dropping down cross-legged next to her. "The cake was real pretty -- I ain't had none of the eating one yet, it's like to be done now, huh?"

Maya turned as Ephram sat down next to her. "I was not sulking," she protested although to be fair she sort of had been, "A little confused initially, but not sulking." She gave him a smile. "And thanks, there might be some left, but I can't guarantee it didn't get sand in it from wheeling it down."

Ash chuckled. "Well, as much brain and heart as before." As Ephram came over, he commanded attention. Even if Ash hadn't been flirting with him earlier, Ash got the impression he still would've. Ephram was just that type of person, with that type of aura. "Hey," he greeted with a nod. "What'd I tell ya? I'm being charming."

"Whaaaaaat, you got no experience catering a beach birthday?" Ephram shook his head in mock disappointment. "And here I was thinkin' that woulda been a regular occurrence for you." He looked up at Ash's greeting, giving him a wolfish, hungry grin. "Darlin," he said, "you ain't tellin' me nothin I din't figure out already."

Maya laughed, "I'm more not used to baking cakes people jump out of at beach parties." She also didn't cater really. Mostly she kept to the kitchen, preferring to be away from the eyes of everyone.

Ciara tilted her head in surprise. The things she had seen in this town made nothing else compared. Her eyes moved from Ash to Ruby with a smile on her lips. "I'm relieved to hear that, you're both much prettier with your skull in tact." She stood up a moment later, as Ephram was settling in, holding up her drink. "I'm getting myself another drink, can I get anyone else one?" She asked the group.

Ephram took a surreptitious glance at Ciara, not having expected to see her ... well, socializing. He liked the look of it, though. Nudging Maya, he said, "Maybe you should consider it, girl! You could have a profitable future in the empty-cake business. I mean a naga would fit in one real nice." Ciara got up, and Ephram hurriedly said, "I could use a drink," just in case it seemed like he was ignoring her. A little bit avoiding, maybe, but not ignoring.

Ash admired his glass, just a tad too empty. "Sure. I'll take another one." Pretty. She called him pretty. It really shouldn't have surprised him at this point. He had been quite the hit with the older men and women at the party, and now he was literally standing in the middle of two of them. "I hope you didn't lose my number," he teased to Ephram (who he'd also noted with a twinge in his stomach, had called him darling). "Because I might've met someone else." He ran his fingertips over Ruby's back with a harmless grin.

Maya almost said that she was thinking of opening her own bakery. She had long ago learned to be careful with dreams though. They so rarely came true. There was a moment where her expression softened and she looked almost nervous at Ephram's suggestion. Luckily before it could go on too long the witch, who's name Maya didn't think she'd caught, was asking if anyone wanted to another drink. She looked up and said, "I'd love one if you've got an extra hand."

Ruby had just come back from putting her clothes back on, and stepped up beside Ash. The naga ran his fingers over her back. “Well, I’m not one to break up a done deal,” she grinned, waving warmly at Ephram.

Ephram grinned at Ruby, leaning over to hug her briefly. "You of all people should know how fast I work, woman," he said, putting his hand over Ash's against Ruby's back, folding the naga's fingers into his palm. "And I got no intention of lettin' this one finish his birthday without gettin' /my/ number."

“That I do,” Ruby said, hugging Ephram back. “I told you you’d have a good time,” she stage-whispered to Ash.

Ash was definitely not going to blush. Nope. It wasn't going to happen, he told himself. Enough alcohol and good cheer had left him loose-lipped and loose-tongued, and he was just going with it. "Hey, I got enough room in my phone for everyone's numbers, and enough room in my bed for... well, at least three of you, but one at a time, huh?" At least there wasn't any awkwardness between Ruby and Ephram. She'd been right when she'd said they were on good terms.

Maya rolled her eyes with no malice behind it. "You all are going to at least let me get out of the middle of this sandwich before you start making out again, right?" she said because somehow she'd ended up between Ash and Ephram. "Because it'll be as awkward now as it was when I got roped into Spin the Bottle in high school. Even if everyone here is prettier."

Ephram gave an impressed whistle at Ash's comment, laughing, "One at a time sound a good way to start, although now I'm curious bout just how big this bed is." He groaned at Maya's complaints, wrapping his arms around her and planting a smacking kiss on the side of her head. "Nope," he said with satisfaction. "It's your fate to be peanut butter'n jelly, sorry."

Dani fixed their tie as they approached the group, sporting a grin at the familiar faces. “What’s this then? You all look awfully cozy. Have I been missing all the fun?”

Ash chuckled playfully at Dani's arrival. "Finally, someone who doesn't wanna sleep with me."

Ephram glanced back at the bar as Dani arrived, wondering if Ciara had decided to slip away when she got the opportunity. The thought made his stomach sink for a moment, but he didn't get up and go to the bar the way he wanted to. Instead he chortled at Ash's comment, remarking, "You must know that struggle too, huh Dani?"

Maya had to laugh as Ephram insisted on wrapping his arms around her, keeping her in place at least for the moment. "Ewwww, cooties," she complained and screwed up her face in over-exaggerated disgust. Opening her eyes again, and expression falling into a smile, she saw Dani standing above them. "Hey," she greeted Dani before asking, "Didn't someone say they were getting more booze?"

Ciara caught Ephram's look, a small twitch in the corner of her mouth. He wasn't the only one who was doing a little bit of avoiding. "Sure thing." None of them specified, and when Maya commented if she could hold them all she grinned. "I used to bartend, carrying many drinks is easy." When she returned, the four of them had suddenly gotten a whole lot more tangled up in eachother, with Ruby and Maya in the middle of it all. Unsurprised despite herself. She slid back down into kneeling on the far side of Ash from the touching pile, the skirt of her dress riding up a little again, putting the relevant drink in front of each party, Ash's infused with real rabbit's blood. She flashed a smile at the newcomer, Dani, recognising them from the other night.

Dani Smirking at Ash’s welcome, Dani stepped up and placed a kiss on each of his cheeks in greetings. “Not that I find you any less attractive, love. Happy birthday. And apologies I haven’t quite fit your theme,” they said glancing down at their suit, “but I hope you’ll understand, it wasn’t my style in the slightest.” Then, turning to Ephram, they shrugged, amused. “More or less.” They waved to Maya and Ciara as well. “Hey to you too.”

"Thank you, darlin'," Ash said, greeting Ciara at her return with a nod and a smile. "Well, I appreciate you anyway," he said to Dani, kissing their cheeks in return. "And no need to apologize. I wouldn't want anyone to dress in anything they weren't comfortable in. The theme was just for a bit of fun, and feeling self conscious all night ain't fun, is it?"

Dani smiled at Ash, nodding. “You’re absolutely right about that.” After a glance at the bar, they added. “I think I’m going to grab myself and drink and then join you lot.” They winked. “Sit tight.”

Ephram rubbed his nose against Maya's shoulder, saying with satisfaction, "You make such a great cootie rag, though!" He let go when Ciara returned, taking his drink and watching the other witch as she re-settled into her seat, the shift of her dress along her thigh making him draw in a sharp breath and take a deep swallow of his drink.

Maya "My hero," Maya said to the returning witch as she received her drink. To Ephram she laughed and said, "Oh my god, this is exactly like high school." His sharp intake of breath didn't escape her though. Considering all the people around she didn't ask about it, but catalogued the reaction away for later.

Ash figured he wasn't the only one a little tipsy, so he really thought nothing of the intermingling that was going on. "Gosh, no. I was so unattractive in high school," Ash shuddered. Being the Jewish trans kid mid-transition definitely made even the rich, charming kid something of a social outcast.

Ruby was occupied with watching Dani walk off. She held a huge crush for them, but would never act on it considering they were married. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t look. She leaned a bit against Ephram, enjoying the warmth coming from both sides of her. She glanced at Ciara too as the witch came back, smiling as she heard Ephram’s reaction. But she kept quiet, enjoying the banter and the laughter.

Ephram snorted. "I had long hair and wore church donation box clothes," he offered. "High school sucks no matter where you're at."

Maya smiled, "Oh, I was a hot fucking mess in high school. I'd 110% already be fighting or fucking someone by this point in the night. I was just talking about the whole cootie thing and how horny all of you are." She paused, glancing out over the water. "And the beach part too. We used to go down to the beach to drink a lot."

Dani nicked a bottle of vodka from the bar before returning to the group. Not wanting to break up the arrangement, they chose to plop down between Ruby and Ephram. “High school? Shit.” They took a quick swig of the alcohol. “Worst three years of my pre-adult life.”

Ash lifted his glass. "Here's to not being as big a losers as we were in high school."

Dani raised the bottle in kind. “I’ll drink to that.”

Ciara smiled at the thanks, catching Ephram's eyes when he gasped but not adjusting her skirt in either way or shifting herself to give him more to react to. There were so many reasons that was a bad idea, and her eyes slid back to the rest of the group, listening to them describing their highschool experience. It wasn't something she could relate to nor wanted to add to, having been homeschooled right up to the second she'd become homeless. When Ash raised his glass, Ciara smiled and lifted her glass too. "Me too."

Ephram had lapsed into his own thoughts for a moment, recalling being sent to prison instead of graduating and having to do his GED on the inside. So when Maya settled against him, he pulled her in a little closer and kissed her smooth brown hair before raising his drink to Ash's toast.

Ash took a healthy sized swig of his booze, mentally worshipping Ciara for infusing it with rabbits blood. "Perfect. Now, speaking of horny, what do we say to one of you takes me home tonight and the other tomorrow."

Dani took another swig from the bottle to complete the toast, savoring the burn and coming back from it with a smile. “That sounds like a fun plan. You might have to squeeze in some time for me as well. You’ll have to let me entertain you a bit as an obligatory birthday gift.”

Ephram gave a warm, low chuckle, gently letting go of Maya and getting to his feet. "Reckon that's my cue," he said, finishing off his drink and holding out a hand to Ash. "C'mon, darlin -- nobody gave you the birthday spanking yet, now did they?"

Maya burst into peals of laughter at Ash's words, which only got worse when Ephram spoke. She did miss the warmth next to her, but quickly decided the entertainment was worth it. Besides she knew better than to ask for more than she was given.

Ash was definitely blushing again. No matter how many times he'd told himself he wasn't going to. Ephram was just the type of guy that threw you for a loop. He gave an overexaggerated gasp, letting Ephram lead him to his feet and taking his hand. "Wait, who said tonight was your night, mister?"

Ruby grinned at Ash. “First come first serve,” she said to Ephram, teasingly. “Unless you got your eyes elsewhere...” Ciara was very beautiful, after all.

Dani With Ephram departed, Dani found themself leaning over slightly towards Ruby. “And what’s your plan for tonight, hm? We need to get together again, you know.”

Ash waved to Ruby with his free hand. "Well then I'll be sure to make him give me your number. Goodnight everyone."

Ephram gave Ash a self-assured laugh, pulling the slighter man close and tugging him away from the others. "Come on now, darlin," he said, "As if you'd say otherwise."

Maya , unable to help herself, wolf whistled at Ash and Ephram. It seemed like the right thing to do.

Ruby waved at Ash. “Have fun you two,” she grinned. “And yeah we need to,” she replied to Dani. “And unless you and Sam have split up, I guess I’m gonna go home alone tonight.” It was an obvious tease, but one Ruby couldn’t help making.

Ciara smiled as they left, a small knot in her stomach distangling as they did that had nothing to do with the evening and everything to do with the calming demon in her purse. She scooted a little closer to the other three, taking a deep drink for her cup. "Are you sure about that?" she asked Ruby teasingly, then looked to Maya. "I'm sorry, I never did catch your name?"

Maya turned at someone talking to her. "Maya," she replied and put out a hand for the other woman to shake, "And I don't think I caught yours either."

Ruby smiled as the pretty witch sat next to her. “You offering?”

Ciara took Maya's hand, feeling that familiar flick of witch magic at the touch. "Ciara. Do you make cakes for a lot of big events, then?" Her eyes flicked back to Ruby's with a smirk. "Depending on how you play your cards, maybe."

Maya had learned to recognize the touch of another witch. "Sometimes," she replied. It seemed that people were pairing off, leaving her alone. She didn't mind though. As long as she could sit by a fire and watch the waves surrounded by people who cared about her, but not as much as they cared about each she felt comfortable. It was actually better than the usual way her life went.

Dani Ruby’s tease prompted a slow chuckle from the professor. “I’m flattered, darling, really. But unfortunately I’m your case, we’re bound to by marriage as well as magic, so I highly doubt we’re going to breaking up anytime soon.” Dani was glad to see that Ciara had taken an interest in Ruby. She was a dear friend to Dani, and while they didn’t feel sorry for their inability to sleep with her, they did want her to enjoy herself, especially now that she was officially uncommitted.

Ciara looked at Maya. She'd seemed a little disconected to everything, had done the whole evening, from stepping away from the cake the moment she'd rolled it in to the way she'd only opened up a little with Ephram teasing, but Ciara didn't know if that was an artefact of the evening or an artefact of her personality. Besides, it was far from her place to ask. "That's fair. You have a lot of talent there." Her eyes returned to Dani, curious about the mention of magic bonds. "Is your partner a witch, then?"

Dani Dani nodded at Ciara, an irresistible smile on their face. “Yes, an earth witch. He owns Meadowsweet down in Grieselle. Technically it’s a flower shop but we have an apothecary as well.”

“A girl can dream,” Ruby told Dani. “Though I’m glad y’all are doing good.” She smirked at Ciara. “Let’s see how it goes.”

Miguel Everybody was pairing off and going home together. Which was wild to see. Miguel had slept around in college because med students tended to study hard and party hard. But it had been awhile since he was flirting with anyone very much... beside none of the people left seemed interested in him. That was okay. He would go home with Molly, his constant friend, and then wake up early and go for a jog to get out any frustration.

Milo wandered back down the beach. He'd headed back up to the parking lot for a while to check up on the kids. A couple were still at home and the rest were out with friends. When he came back, he was surprised that people had cleared out so much. He looked around to see if he knew anyone still there.

Maya had never been much for crowds. Especially after everything with Shaw they made her anxious. Growing up in a relatively small town and with a tragic story she was well used to people staring at her. One of the things she'd liked about New York was the anonymity of it all. Anonymity which wasn't possible in a town like Soapberry Springs, so Maya did her best to stay out of the spotlight. As Dani, Ciara and Ruby got to talking she turned to look around and spotted a man she'd met earlier in the night by himself. "Well," she called catching his eye, "Come sit with us. We have to replace the people we lost to horniness"

Miguel looked up and smiled. The antronach was back! “Hey Milo, welcome back.” His smile wavered a little. “Though everyone seems to be heading to bed,” he said with an inuendo in his voice.

Ciara smiled at Dani, seeing the way their face lit up. She was a romantic at heart, and loved hearing people describe their partners. "You share a business? I've heard good things about Meadowsweet." She looked at Ruby, and ran a gentle hand down her shoulder with a smile. Maya had turned to talk to someone else.

Dani shook their head with a chuckle. “We don’t really share it, no. He opened it up practically out of high school, but I help out whenever I can and retrieve some harder to find materials for the apothecary. Officially I’m a professor at the university. As I’m sure you can imagine, it’s a busy gig.”

Milo nodded knowingly. He shifted from side to side, not sure quite how to respond. "I'm sorry you got left alone in the process," he said. "Have you been keeping yourself entertained while I was gone?" His eyes roamed the other man as he considered the outcome of the night for everyone around them. It certainly seemed like it was an exciting moment for most involved. While he hadn't necessarily considered it to begin with, he wondered if tonight should hold the same for himself. "Want to grab something else to drink?"

Miguel had only two drinks so far, and one with a lot less alcohol in it. It only made his stomach feel warm and his limbs feel a little heavy. “Ah, yeah, sure if you want to,” he said with a shy smile.

The drink Ruby had had earlier was still sitting well with her. She felt light and ready to just... say fuck it and go for broke. “Anybody know any good drinking games? Are we too old for spin the bottle?” she grinned, leaning a bit into Ciara and glancing at Maya.

Milo smiled and headed toward the bar. The selection was starting to look a bit picked over. "I see rum and beer. Anything in particular you'd like, Miguel?"

Miguel had already had a beer so... “I’ll give the rum a try,” he said. He followed Milo over to the bar, leaning on it and smiling in his direction. “Since everyone else is going home and uh... kissing, would you want to go home and kiss?” His cheeks were a little pink as he said it. He wasn’t great at flirting but he could be blunt.

Milo picked up the bottle of rum and then almost dropped it. He looked back up at Miguel with wide eyes for a moment before he managed to get his composure back together. "Yeah, um... I mean, that could work." He knew he wasn't the smoothest when it came to things like this, so he hoped that would be enough. "If you don't mind, though, I might need a shot or two or this before we go." He let out a nervous laugh. "It's, ah, it's been a while."

Miguel Miguel smiled and blushed a little more. “That’s fine! That’s uh that’s great actually. I mean, it’s been awhile for me too.” He took the rum and poured a few shots for the two of them. “You’re very very handsome,” he said softly. Just in case he hadn’t made it clear how attracted he was to Milo.

Ciara listened to Dani intently, curiously. Explained their confidence with the vampire that one time. "A professor? That's very impressive. What are you professor of?" Ruby pressed close and Ciara pressed back too. "Mmm, as tempting as that sounds, I should get going soon." Ciara let her eyes slide appreciatively down Ruby's exposed legs before back up at Ruby herself. She wrapped her hand around Ruby's waist and serruptitiously tucked one of the number cards into her pocket. Ciara stood up and dusted off her legs, making sure to take her empty cups with her. "It was nice seeing the three of you. Goodnight."

Milo ducked his head, pretending he was looking at the bottle. "You're not so bad yourself," he said. Milo found a couple of shot glasses and filled them. He wasn't actually sure the last time he'd done a shot. Most of his drinking now--not that it happened that often--was a glass of something he could sip around the kids or take slow if he knew he needed to be home by a certain time. As he handed one of the shots to Miguel, he said, "Should I come home with you? Some of the kids are at home, and I don't want to put you in an awkward situation."

Miguel “Yes! Yeah,” he said immediately. He took downed a shot easily, a throwback to end school. And took one of Milo’s hands and gave it a squeeze. “We can walk to my house, it’s not far, and I don’t think either of us would be good to drive.”

Maya stood. The party had basically devolved into couples leaving just the few of them who hadn't paired off sitting around the fire. "So I'm going to head home before I'm truly the last person not getting fucked on this beach," she announced more than anything. With that she downed the rest of her drink. While she probably technically could drive she decided it would be better to get a ride. Pulling out her phone she dashed off a quick text to Fane asking him to please pick her up because 'kids were drinking here' and an amused smile to herself. Maya gave a mock salute and said, "Good luck getting lucky everyone," before walking off towards the parking lot.

“Nice meeting you too,” Ruby said to Ciara, not missing the note tucked into her pocket. She looked up as Maya walked off as well, giving her a wave that she wasn’t sure Maya saw. But realizing she was going home alone again, Ruby decided it was time. And she got up, smiling at those still left, and went home.

[wineanddinosaur]

VinePair Podcast: Hard Seltzer Is Rapidly Evolving — Here’s What You Need to Know

Last summer, a.k.a. the summer of hard seltzer, starred the juggernaut that is White Claw. While White Claw Summer turned out to be a massive success that transcends seasons, summer 2020 has seen an explosion of newcomers to the seltzer category.

There’s no denying the hard seltzer category is rapidly evolving beyond the initial flavored malt beverage base. The big players in the category are still big, but new versions of the basic formula of alcoholic seltzer abound, from spirits brands creating canned versions of their products mixed with seltzer, to a range of wine-based hard seltzers, to the many small breweries releasing new takes on the phenomenon.

This week on the VinePair Podcast, Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe discuss some of these new innovations, as well as how some brands are choosing to affiliate themselves with a particular lifestyle or even subculture. Also, why hard seltzer is a must for many major alcohol brands.

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Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: From Connecticut, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair Podcast. Before we get into today’s banter, a word from this week’s sponsor. Cognac USA, Speed Rack, and us, VinePair, are thrilled to offer 10 $1,000 scholarship prizes exclusively for professional bartenders. To enter to win these prizes, all you have to do is create an original Cognac cocktail and join virtual events in the next few months. I mean, dude, I love Cognac cocktails so I think I would, I mean if I was a professional bartender I would totally enter. To enter though, you just visit cognacconnection.com for details. The deadline to enter is Aug. 31. That’s cognacconnection.com. Also, some legal stuff, the campaign’s financed with aid from the European Union.

Z: And if you don’t know how to spell Cognac its C-O-G-N-A-C.

A: I love that you’re coming in hot with the help on the ad just to tell you how to spell Cognac.

Z: I’m just saying, you’d be surprised how many people misspell it.

A: That’s true. I think, I mean it’s going to be a dope competition. And like, look, if you’re entering don’t just make a Sazerac.

Z: That is decidedly not an original creation.

A: Exactly. Or like a riff on a Sazerac, I mean to say. Anyway, guys, you know lots of really great feedback from last week’s clean wine episode. More clean wine bullshit out there, too.

E: Oh my god, it just keeps going.

Z: I feel like we opened Pandora’s box by doing a podcast about it because now everyone is sending me every last article they find and I’m, like “Ugh, the scourge upon the earth that has been unleashed.”

A: I mean, I do think like it’s all coming to a head, right? It’s the beast that won’t stop. And it’s kind of taking all of these sort of unregulated terms along with it. I think it’s making a lot of people look at the industry and be like, “Wow, yeah, there are a lot of ways we used to label this beverage that basically had zero meaning.” And maybe we should look at that regulation. But now, you even have people that are taking things that you actually can regulate and redefining them. I mean, I know Erica’s aware of this because we were discussing on the Slack channel today, maybe, Zach, you saw it, too, but that company Clean Wines, or whatever the hell they’re called, they’re like actually using DOC certification stuff as like a reason to say that they’ve done the research on these wines, that they’re clean. And I’m like, “That’s not what these certifications are for.” But they’re just bamboozling consumers. “Oh, well there’s a certification on it so like it’s definitely better for you because it says DOCG.”

E: Yeah, it says, so it was Good Clean Wine, and they said, “Each of our wines carries certifications to be classified as either an IGT DOC or IGP wine.” Yeah, no. That has nothing to do with this splatter. Sorry. Like, where are you coming up with this?

Z: I think it just speaks to what we talked about last week, which is there is this incredible vacuum of public understanding of wine and especially when it comes to European wine. What any of those acronyms even mean and what they do and do not indicate about a wine and it’s a real easy vacuum for people to fill with just endless mountains of bullshit and that’s what’s happening.

E: That’s exactly what’s happening.

A: So you know what this reminds me of, Zach you may recall this as well, growing up as a Jewish kid in Alabama, my family wasn’t kosher but anything that I saw that was kosher I’d be like, “Yeah, that’s ours!” And so do you remember the campaign that was Hebrew National Hot Dogs and they’re like, “We answer to a higher authority”?

Z: I do.

A: And they basically we’re just like, “Yeah, we’re certified kosher.” They never said that they meant the hot dogs were better for you or cleaner but that’s basically what they were saying and the hot dogs exploded across the American market. Tons of people bought them because they thought they were cleaner and better. I don’t know, maybe that slaughterhouse did a better job, although it’s a hot dog at the end of the day, right? Like how much cleaner is it than other hot dogs? But this is exactly what this campaign reminded me of, it’s like we have a certification that actually has nothing to do with how we’re going to use that certification. But because we have our certification we’re going to make you think that that matters more than the other wines that don’t. It’s just hilarious, they should’ve just been like, “Clean Wines, we answer to the Italian bureaucracy with DOCG certification.”

Z: “We answer to a higher authority that Italians themselves don’t pay attention to half the time.”

A: Anyways, yeah that’s been fun to continue to watch this thing spiral out of control. Anyways, that’s not today’s topic, today’s topic is instead the continued, I know we’ve talked about it a good bit over the past few months, but the continued runaway train expansion of the hard seltzer category with so many brands jumping in. It seems like now no matter where you are in the classic wine, beer, or spirits space you are paying attention to this category, right? We have wineries jumping in within wine-based hard seltzers, we have beer, even craft beer, producers with their own versions of flavored malt beverages, and then you have spirits companies jumping in and then today, Thursday, July 30, you had Coca-Cola announce that they’re releasing a hard seltzer under their brand Topo Chico, which is just unbelievable, right? So everyone’s jumping in and I think it’s just insane. So, Erica, we’re actually publishing a story tomorrow about this, correct?

E: Yeah, definitely. So, Courtney Schiessl, who is an amazing writer who I love working with, she and I have been chatting about this on and off for months and the article that’s going to be coming out is looking at the massive evolution of this category. This is something that went from last year the entire category was worth $500 million, this year if you just look at the past 52 weeks it has already hit $2.7 billion in off-premise sales. And I saw a report this morning saying that hard seltzer sales are now predicted to $14.5 billion by 2027. So the compound growth rate of this segment of the beverage alcohol industry is stunning. I think they’re saying like 16.2 percent growth compound annual growth rate from 2020 to 2027. That is stunning considering that everything else is essentially flat or down. So this is the runaway train that we are going to see quickly evolving and going in new directions and those are the things that we’re going to be exploring.

A: Well, look, there’s a reason Anthony von Mandl, the owner of Mark Anthony brands who owns White Claw, is now the 40th richest man in the world.

E: Wow.

Z: You’re saying it wasn’t all Mike’s Hard Lemonade that did that?

A: No. Although you know that that’s also actually a billion-dollar brand. Which I never, never thought about that. Like I always thought, “Oh, who drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade?” And then I was talking to Josh recently about it and he was like, “Did you know that it’s actually a billion-dollar brand?” I looked it up and it is, and I was like, whoa, I never would have thought that.

Z: Yeah, you would think, I guess teenagers have a lot of money.

A: Yeah, I mean, teenagers and yeah, I guess, who else is drinking Mike’s. Although I’ve started paying attention to Tik Tok, I’m Tok-ing, and there’s a lot of Mike’s Hard Lemonade on Tik Tok. So this is why I think it’s interesting, there’s only three really alcohols you see on Tik Tok all the time. You see White Claw as a brand, you see all other hard seltzers, mostly I would say it leans into Truly, and then you see 1942 Don Julio. That’s really all you see. I mean you see some wine but it’s not the same, usually it’s just someone holding a glass, they’re not really showing you the brand in the same way, I guess. Do you know what I mean? I mean if someone is saying they’re drinking wine, you just see wine in a glass; they’re not usually pouring that brand and showing you what the brand is. But when it comes to hard seltzer they’re very much showing. I think it’s amazing the amount of loyalty to both the category consumers feel right now and loyalty to the brand they’re choosing is something we’ve never seen before. And it’s happened this fast, you know? I think you had like the beer wars between Miller Lite, Coors Light, and Bud Light evolved over a decade or decades of them really going to war and telling you to do these taste tests and pick one over the other. The war over what it means to choose a Truly compared to what it means to choose a White Claw — Truly has positioned themselves as anti-bro, White claw has positioned themselves to be super bros — is really interesting that it happened that fast.

E: Yeah. Definitely.

A: So I think the innovation that you’re talking about, Erica, is interesting because there’s innovation that’s happening both on the liquid side, lots of liquid innovation, and there’s massive marketing innovation. And the way that people are talking about these beverages and the way they’re playing around to get these beverages in front of consumers and doing creative marketing campaigns and influencer outreach and videos and songs and stuff like that is something that we also haven’t seen before at this speed. And the amount of money, usually when there’s a new category of alcohol or even just an emerging brand of alcohol, usually what you hear from the producer is that they’re not going to really spend very heavily against it, right? So they’re just going to see what happens in the market. Do we gain a little bit of foothold just organically and then maybe we’ll slowly grow. Especially in the way of craft beer, right? Most of these bigger craft breweries never spent on marketing, it was all about word of mouth. But in this category you have people launching brands and committing to six- and seven-figure spends on marketing almost immediately upon launch of the brand because they realize that’s what it’s going to take now and because there are so many brands in the space. But that’s not stopping anyone from launching new stuff, which I just think is amazing.

E: Yeah. Definitely.

Z: So a thought that occurred to me: I was talking to my stepfather the other day who doesn’t drink and he was asking me, “Do you guys ever talk about cider?” And I was like, “No, we talk about hard seltzer instead.” And this is what was supposed to happen to cider but on every kind of steroid you can imagine, where it was this sort of new category, it was going to capture a different segment of the drinking public that had maybe been ignored or at least not fully catered to. But I think the fascinating thing — and I want to get your thoughts on a couple of these specific ones because I’m really curious — as the category radiates out from what I think we would have defined a year ago as what is hard seltzer, meaning very low cal, some sort of fruit flavor and alcohol and now we’re getting into the sort of cocktail seltzers, wine seltzers, all this other stuff, do we think that what is the selling point for it at this point is the connection to this now-established category, or is it really about more the ease of use? Because I think this is the theme that’s fascinating to me, is it really the can, or is it the category that matters?

E: For me, I think convenience is definitely one of the drivers but then I think it’s also that “better for you” trend, right? So we know millennials are not drinking as much as those of us who came before but they’re drinking better. And when you’re looking at the trends of health and wellness and also the variety-seeking behavior and also some level of premiumization, it supports that there’s this growth of the hard seltzer category that is going to go so much further than where we are now and we’re already starting to see that. So for example, one of the breakout hits of the summer has been High Noon, which is a vodka-based hard seltzer. We’re starting to see other vodka seltzers like Keel Sparkling, tequila-based hard seltzers like Volley Spiked seltzer, those RTDs I think are kind of the next evolution. So we have this initial burst of brands that are really going out with this malt beverage but doing the very clever marketing around the calories and the carb counts. But then I think people, millennials especially, will wise up and say, “Malt beverage, I don’t know if that’s for me, what’s the healthier alternative?” And that’s when they’re going to start going down the road of the High Noons and the Volley Spiked Seltzer. Not because it is, by virtue of anything, better for you but because they feel like it’s better for you.

A: And you can see, Zach, which I think is interesting, in this hard seltzer category let’s say we say hard seltzer as its own, right, and then let’s break it down into three. Let’s say that one is spirits-based, so that’s the High Noons Erica’s talking about, and then one is FMB — that’s what is really leading the charge. Truly and White Claw together have over 60 percent of the market, maybe it’s even 70, they have a lot of the market,which is why Boston Beer’s stock right now is valued at $1,000 a share, and then you have now the wine-based seltzers, right? And each one of them are also kind of following this marketing playbook that I alluded to, or mentioned not even alluded to, earlier with how Truly and White Claw are facing off, right? And so you see that as well in spirits-based. So High Noon has really leaned into a brand many people would say is extremely toxic, Barstool Sports. But that has become the brand they have aligned themselves with and it’s a very heavily bro-based brand. And then you have other spirits-based spiked seltzers like Two Chicks and some of the brands that Erica’s mentioned that are going for the higher-end audience and saying they’re for the non-bros, for people that are just interested in that purity that Erica’s talking about. And I think that hasn’t happened yet in wine but I think you’ll see that as well. I’m curious to see which wine brand will create kind of like the bro-tastic, let’s not even say bro, what we really mean is frat-tastic party brand and which one will then be sort of the foil to that brand. It’s interesting that that’s how it’s playing out, it’s like Sharks and Jets among seltzers and what you drink kind of defines who you are. And I think that’s interesting to the brands who are willing to do that because they realize these audiences are so big. Because usually you wouldn’t align yourself with a brand like Barstool because you would assume it would turn off so much of the population who is sick of the misogyny and their racist behavior but there’s such an audience who is still there that High Noon says, “We’ll just take this audience and that’ll be ours and we don’t care if we lose anyone else.” And someone else turns around and says, “Cool, we’ll take everyone else.” That’s what’s happening sort of in these seltzer wars which is really crazy. I mean we had the cola wars in the ’90s and we’re literally going to have the seltzer wars.

Z: I wonder if, you know, you talked about sort of what’s happening with this sort of face-off mentality, the sort of, you know, you’re going to align yourself with a particular brand. Do you think what we saw happen — you were talking about not just the cola wars in the ’90s, which for those of you who are too young to remember it was Pepsi and Coke, you might have heard of them.

A: Coke won.

Z: Yes, well yeah. And we talked about the sort of light beer three battle between Miller, Coors, and Bud Light, but I wonder if this category and just the mentality of the public at this time, do we think that what’s happening now is what’s going to continue to happen? Which is that there’s going to always be newcomers on the scene. I wonder if a year ago we were talking about, “Wow, is White Claw going to rule everything?” And I think they still do. As you pointed out, Adam, they control, or they and Truly control, a huge share of the market at the moment. But I do think that the thing that’s different about the public now as opposed to 25 years ago, is I think a lot of people don’t necessarily want to identify themselves with what feels like a behemoth of a brand. There’s always going to be a segment of the population that wants to try not just something new but sort of the underdog, I guess is how I would put it, and does that kind of mesh with how you guys see the landscape shaking out, that there’s going to be room for smaller producers? Because I know when we last talked about hard seltzer, one of my questions was, is there ever going to be space for quote-unquote craft in this category? And I don’t know if we know that yet but maybe we’re starting to find that out.

E: Oh yeah. I definitely think so. I mean look at what we’re already seeing. You know, Ramona, which is owned by Jordan Salcito, she was a somm who came from Momofuku and then started this spritz brand that is very focused on quality, they’re very transparent about their practices. And then we have Hoxie, another wine-based spritz, Valerie Masten who was previously at Skurnik, she’s at the helm. These people are super focused on quality and transparency and making a really awesome product. But the interesting thing that I’ve seen these brands do, particularly Ramona, is that they didn’t used to market the calorie counts and carb counts and all that but now they are, and I think they are saying, “OK, hey hard seltzer drinkers who do not want to identify with these bigger brands, we’re here for you. We are a 90-calorie product. And we are organic and sustainable.” And like all of these types of messages that they are giving, I think that’s just the beginning. So we’re going to keep going down that path where the amount of complexity and differentiation we’re going to see in this category is going to be huge. I think two years from now, four years from now, it’s going to look entirely different and it’s going to be just as big as the craft brewing explosion that we saw in previous decades.

A: Yeah and I think the reason for that is because, to make a hard seltzer isn’t that difficult now for any of these brands, right? So craft brewers can really easily add seltzer to their repertoire. Like who knows, maybe we’ll start seeing like hazy hard seltzers, wouldn’t that be crazy? But like they could easily add that kind of stuff. And then in the wine brands too … a lot of them were slow to move to cans but now most of them are, so now they’ve kind of realized what it means to have a canning apparatus, add now a beverage where you’re just putting some of your wine and mixing it with seltzer water and adding some sugar and flavoring, it is a lot easier for them to get in. And then yes, people will start to diversify. Pretty recently, I think it was yesterday, the Wine Economist tweeted basically a chart that shows who the largest wine companies in the world are. And it said the largest four suppliers, which are Gallo, Constellation, The Wine Group, and Trinchero, control 60 percent of the market. Which is pretty normal, I mean, that’s not as bad as beer, actually. Only two really control 60 percent of the market. So I think in every space of alcohol you’ll see two, three, four brands or companies that will control a large share of the market and they’ll have lots of offerings in that share of the market, and then you’ll have everyone behind them who have a very good business and a decent amount of people who are buying from them and some of them will be other less craft-focused brands and some will be more focused crafts brands. And I think as this category continues to explode, as Erica’s saying, that definitely is a continued possibility because I think what people are attracted to about the category is that it is light, refreshing, etc., and it reminds them of things that came before. Like I think, you know, the Aperol Spritz, we’ve talked about this before, but the Aperol Spritz has a lot to do with the explosion of this category. Just regular seltzer in general has a lot do with the explosion of this category in general. Like consumers were kind of primed to find something like this, for something like this to be given to them, and then like fully embrace it.

E: Yeah and Aperol right now is way down because of on-premise not being around. Why doesn’t Aperol have an RTD? Why haven’t they done that yet?

A: Campari, if you’re listening, you should have an RTD fast.

E: Dude, you need an RTD way fast because people would drink it, there’s great brand recognition. After all the Aperol Spritz that we’ve been drinking over the past probably five years, that would crush.

A: Crush.

Z: And I think the other part of this is, and it feeds into another piece of this, which is we are living in an off-premise world and I think we are going to be living in an off-premise world for a while still, and if you are a brand, whether it’s Aperol or many others, that has relied traditionally on a lot of on-premise sales and just that driving the identity of your brand, I don’t know if you can afford to wait around another year before that starts coming back. Because, spoiler warning, that’s my projection on how long it’s going to take at a minimum. And I think you have to capitalize on your recognition and your name ID now and get yourself in front of people in the format that they’re most comfortable with. And the honest truth is a lot of people in this country, even if it’s really simple to put Aperol in a glass and put sparkling wine in there, are much more likely to drink your product if it’s in a can and all they have to do is open it.

A: Totally.

Z: Especially, if it’s in a mixed case with a Negroni spritz and something else that you whip up.

A: I mean, I completely agree with you. And look, I think this is a little bit of a segue here but you brought it up in terms of the next year, which I think you’re right, Zach, if not longer. But you know I was very angered by this interview, but I heard an interview with Mark Cuban two or three days ago and he was being interviewed.

Z: You’re not getting your Shark Tank interview anytime soon.

A: No, that’s fine or my court-side seats to the Mavericks, but that’s cool, too. But basically he was talking about the way he looks at investments and the way people change preferences, so he’s like, “Look, like it’s really shitty that all these restaurants are about to go under or that all these bars are suffering but because they’re about to go under or bar’s suffering, doesn’t mean people aren’t drinking or aren’t eating, they’re finding new ways to drink and new ways to eat.” And we’ve talked about this before, it takes six to eight weeks for things like that to become a habit so you know how much longer might it take for bars and restaurants to fully come back because people have just like started to realize, “Man, I make really good bread at home, why was I buying this out?” Or, “I figured out that I can make a really good steak,” or “I can bring really good wine or really good cocktails, or things like that.” And so I think while it’s a year, for sure, until it even feels like we feel comfortable going and sitting at all, it could be five to 10 years before we’re back to any level like we were at six months ago. And in all that time seltzers are just going to become more and more and more dominant. Or this RTD category that Erica’s really talking about, is going to become more and more dominant because it’s going to be about being out with your friends, the convenience of those products, the ability to go to the park. You know, it’s really nuts here, I’m curious for you, Zach, what Seattle feels like. Erica, I’m not going to ask you because you’re in Connecticut. But like New York City feels like Europe right now. The weekends it feels like Europe, it’s really crazy. You go to the parks and they are crowded with people, whether that’s a good or a bad thing, but they’re all picnicking and bringing drinks and every time I look at what people are drinking and I see a ton of seltzer because it’s easy. That portability is really easy and I think if you’re seeing that, too, in Seattle or people are seeing that in D.C. or Atlanta or wherever else they live who listen to the podcast, I think you’re going to see that continue because people are realizing what’s so beautiful about that and what people in Europe have liked about that for decades, and may have gotten used to that and saying, “Well, you know, maybe I don’t want to go and do this at a bar or restaurant every weekend anymore. Maybe that’s my splurge once a month instead of every Friday and Saturday night.” Do you know what I mean?

Z: Absolutely. I mean, yes, I am definitely seeing that in Seattle. I think the thing you see is a combination of people in parks and other public spaces and then you also sort of see just, you know, where I live, you definitely have lots of people who have some outdoor space of their own, a backyard or front yard or something like that, and people are in those or even a rooftop. And it’s just, most things are in cans because you know there’s a reason why it’s been the dominant thing for a lot of beer brands, because it’s easy, it keeps cold pretty well, and you can keep it in your fridge pretty easily. You know a bottle of wine is cumbersome and if it’s got a cork in it and you don’t have a corkscrew with you you’re kind of stuck and certainly bottles of spirits you have to mix together are not something someone’s going to. I might take them on a picnic but most people won’t.

A: Yeah, I won’t.

Z: I would pre-batch, let’s be honest. But yeah, the point is for a lot of people that want those flavors, the can is really the only way they’re going to be willing to go in on it if they’re not willing to have someone else make it for them. So yeah, if you’re out there and you’ve got a brand and you’re not thinking long and hard about how to get your product in a can I feel like you’re missing the boat.

E: Absolutely.

A: It’s like the people in the music industry who were like, “We don’t need to do MP3s, we’re still doing CDs.” You know what I mean, it’s just like this coming faster than we’ve ever seen it come before and if you’re not thinking long and hard about how you’re putting your wine in cans or your just RTD product or whatever, or your, like, Aperol and your listening to the podcast right now and you don’t have Aperol Spritz in development right now to roll out very soon in a can, you’re missing something because no one’s going to bring a bottle of Aperol, a bottle of Prosecco, and a bottle of sparkling water to the park. I don’t see it. And I think that’s why we’ve also seen much less of that consumption this summer because it’s great to drink it when it’s at the bar and you don’t have to worry about having those three simple ingredients, as Zach says, but it’s much different when you’re like, “OK, how would I batch this?” Because first of all, that means I have to pop the bottle of Prosecco, so is it going to get flat on its way to me taking it to the park? If I don’t, then I’m bringing three things, so what happens when, obviously, the sparkling water and the Prosecco run out before the Aperol or vice versa, how does that work? It becomes too much for people.

Z: Yeah and then you grab a White Claw.

A: Exactly. Because you’re like I’m just looking for flavored bubbles.

E: Exactly. And just think about as soon as it gets cold out people will have spent this entire summer experimenting with different brands seeing what they like, they will have found a couple of things that they really like and we’ve seen this massive rise of at-home cocktails but that will continue on. But to be honest, a lot of people are just lazy and just want a drink at the end of the day and those White Claws, Truly’s, etc. are just going to be popped open. And the cocktail may become more of a special thing that you are maybe not making every day. Who knows? But I think that people will have spent this entire summer testing and trying out the different brands that are in their marketplace. Like literally when I’ve gone into liquor stores that’s where people are gathered. They’re trying them all and at the end of the day, that’s going to be the go-to probably in a lot of cases instead of like a beer or a glass of wine.

A: Yeah, it is. It’s crazy. It’s really crazy. And like look for me I still haven’t found my hard seltzer that I love, it’s just really not my thing as much.

E: I’ll tell you mine.

A: What’s yours?

E: OK, so I like the Ramona Dry Grapefruit, which is like the driest version that they’re making. And then I also am super excited, like my at-home drink is ranch water, which we are now all drinking, which is just a tequila soda with a bunch of lime. Now there are three new ranch waters out on the market that I’ve just read about that I’m going to try. Super excited to try them. But I think that that type of thing where it’s just like an easy thing that you can pop open, they’re just getting better and better.

A: Yeah, I haven’t had a lot. Have you had any, Zach, that you like or that you would reach for?

Z: I actually, it’s funny that Erica said the Ramona Dry Grapefruit because that’s actually the one I’ve had most recently that I’ve really liked as well. It’s definitely an area that I will freely admit I need to explore more. Those of you listening that want to send me some samples, do it. I will give them a try. But yeah, I think what Erica said is a really good point, which is that we are at this phase of expansion that is really exciting where some really interesting ideas are taking hold, where really quality producers who are, not to say anything about the quality of some of the existing products but a lot of it is aimed at a mass market, but some of the more niche products are starting to hit the market, I would be interested in trying more of those. And just in general getting a sense for, I like sparkling things, I like bubbly things, so it’s definitely a category I have interest in and I think as you get more quality and more diversity in there I am sure that I will find a few that I will like. I’ve even sort of convinced my wife that we can buy them, it’s OK. She drinks so much sparkling water and sparkling wine, I’m just like, this is just a nice midpoint for the two of us. Because sometimes I don’t want to drink wine, as hard as that is to believe.

A: See for me, again yes, if you listen to the podcast, if you have some hard seltzer let us know. Email us at podcasts@vinepair.com, we’ll give it a try and we’ll let you know what we think at a later date. I am curious. I have yet to find one that I completely love. I’ve had Willy’s Superbrew. I’ve liked it but I think what’s also been really crazy to watch over the summer is the way just the term seltzer has completely morphed. We went to the park recently and met up with my cousin and his fiancée and we were sitting down, it was like the middle of the day on like a Sunday, and like my wife and I day drink but we weren’t in the mood and they asked us if we wanted seltzer and both of us were like “no, no, no we don’t want seltzer right now,” and they were like no, it’s seltzer seltzer. We’re like, “Oh, yeah, thanks.” The fact that like, to us, that’s what seltzer meant at this point is like yeah, its alcoholic is just absolutely insane and speaks to how much this category has taken over just in the last year.

Z: Yeah it’s a behemoth.

E: Just going to get bigger and bigger.

A: Just going to get bigger and bigger. We’ll check in about this again as time goes on. Maybe this fall when someone’s released a pumpkin spice seltzer.

Z: You predicted this last year and I was horrified.

A: It’s going to happen, I promise you it’s going to happen. You’re going to get a pumpkin spice seltzer and some sort of peppermint latte spice, you know what I mean? You know like some peppermint seltzer, I promise you. Like it’s for sure coming, there’s no way someone’s not trying or someone hasn’t already tried it and just has it ready to launch at the end of August, I’m convinced.

Z: Just as long as we don’t get a turkey and gravy one, I’m good.

A: That would be so gross. So anyway, if you have thoughts about this podcast hit us up at podcasts@vinepair.com, we’d love to hear what you think. If you have any other questions let us know as well and as always it really helps if you can leave a review, a rating, etc., and tell your friends, family, people you’d not even know walking on the sidewalk about the show. It really helps us get the word out there and more people discover what we’re up to. And Zach, Erica, before I say goodbye, let’s hit them with one more ad. Alright, bartenders, enter the Cognac Connection challenge to win a $1,000 scholarship. We’re giving away 10 of them. The deadline is Aug. 31, go to cognacconnection.com as Zach said, you spell that C-O-G-N-A-C-C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-O-N.com to enter and for all the details. Thanks so much. See you guys next week.

Z: Sounds great.

E: Bye.

A: Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy and me: Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout- out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: Hard Seltzer Is Rapidly Evolving — Here’s What You Need to Know appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/hard-seltzer-is-rapidly-evolving/

[johnboothus]

VinePair Podcast: Hard Seltzer Is Rapidly Evolving Heres What You Need to Know

Last summer, a.k.a. the summer of hard seltzer, starred the juggernaut that is White Claw. While White Claw Summer turned out to be a massive success that transcends seasons, summer 2020 has seen an explosion of newcomers to the seltzer category.

There’s no denying the hard seltzer category is rapidly evolving beyond the initial flavored malt beverage base. The big players in the category are still big, but new versions of the basic formula of alcoholic seltzer abound, from spirits brands creating canned versions of their products mixed with seltzer, to a range of wine-based hard seltzers, to the many small breweries releasing new takes on the phenomenon.

This week on the VinePair Podcast, Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe discuss some of these new innovations, as well as how some brands are choosing to affiliate themselves with a particular lifestyle or even subculture. Also, why hard seltzer is a must for many major alcohol brands.

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Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: From Connecticut, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair Podcast. Before we get into today’s banter, a word from this week’s sponsor. Cognac USA, Speed Rack, and us, VinePair, are thrilled to offer 10 $1,000 scholarship prizes exclusively for professional bartenders. To enter to win these prizes, all you have to do is create an original Cognac cocktail and join virtual events in the next few months. I mean, dude, I love Cognac cocktails so I think I would, I mean if I was a professional bartender I would totally enter. To enter though, you just visit cognacconnection.com for details. The deadline to enter is Aug. 31. That’s cognacconnection.com. Also, some legal stuff, the campaign’s financed with aid from the European Union.

Z: And if you don’t know how to spell Cognac its C-O-G-N-A-C.

A: I love that you’re coming in hot with the help on the ad just to tell you how to spell Cognac.

Z: I’m just saying, you’d be surprised how many people misspell it.

A: That’s true. I think, I mean it’s going to be a dope competition. And like, look, if you’re entering don’t just make a Sazerac.

Z: That is decidedly not an original creation.

A: Exactly. Or like a riff on a Sazerac, I mean to say. Anyway, guys, you know lots of really great feedback from last week’s clean wine episode. More clean wine bullshit out there, too.

E: Oh my god, it just keeps going.

Z: I feel like we opened Pandora’s box by doing a podcast about it because now everyone is sending me every last article they find and I’m, like “Ugh, the scourge upon the earth that has been unleashed.”

A: I mean, I do think like it’s all coming to a head, right? It’s the beast that won’t stop. And it’s kind of taking all of these sort of unregulated terms along with it. I think it’s making a lot of people look at the industry and be like, “Wow, yeah, there are a lot of ways we used to label this beverage that basically had zero meaning.” And maybe we should look at that regulation. But now, you even have people that are taking things that you actually can regulate and redefining them. I mean, I know Erica’s aware of this because we were discussing on the Slack channel today, maybe, Zach, you saw it, too, but that company Clean Wines, or whatever the hell they’re called, they’re like actually using DOC certification stuff as like a reason to say that they’ve done the research on these wines, that they’re clean. And I’m like, “That’s not what these certifications are for.” But they’re just bamboozling consumers. “Oh, well there’s a certification on it so like it’s definitely better for you because it says DOCG.”

E: Yeah, it says, so it was Good Clean Wine, and they said, “Each of our wines carries certifications to be classified as either an IGT DOC or IGP wine.” Yeah, no. That has nothing to do with this splatter. Sorry. Like, where are you coming up with this?

Z: I think it just speaks to what we talked about last week, which is there is this incredible vacuum of public understanding of wine and especially when it comes to European wine. What any of those acronyms even mean and what they do and do not indicate about a wine and it’s a real easy vacuum for people to fill with just endless mountains of bullshit and that’s what’s happening.

E: That’s exactly what’s happening.

A: So you know what this reminds me of, Zach you may recall this as well, growing up as a Jewish kid in Alabama, my family wasn’t kosher but anything that I saw that was kosher I’d be like, “Yeah, that’s ours!” And so do you remember the campaign that was Hebrew National Hot Dogs and they’re like, “We answer to a higher authority”?

Z: I do.

A: And they basically we’re just like, “Yeah, we’re certified kosher.” They never said that they meant the hot dogs were better for you or cleaner but that’s basically what they were saying and the hot dogs exploded across the American market. Tons of people bought them because they thought they were cleaner and better. I don’t know, maybe that slaughterhouse did a better job, although it’s a hot dog at the end of the day, right? Like how much cleaner is it than other hot dogs? But this is exactly what this campaign reminded me of, it’s like we have a certification that actually has nothing to do with how we’re going to use that certification. But because we have our certification we’re going to make you think that that matters more than the other wines that don’t. It’s just hilarious, they should’ve just been like, “Clean Wines, we answer to the Italian bureaucracy with DOCG certification.”

Z: “We answer to a higher authority that Italians themselves don’t pay attention to half the time.”

A: Anyways, yeah that’s been fun to continue to watch this thing spiral out of control. Anyways, that’s not today’s topic, today’s topic is instead the continued, I know we’ve talked about it a good bit over the past few months, but the continued runaway train expansion of the hard seltzer category with so many brands jumping in. It seems like now no matter where you are in the classic wine, beer, or spirits space you are paying attention to this category, right? We have wineries jumping in within wine-based hard seltzers, we have beer, even craft beer, producers with their own versions of flavored malt beverages, and then you have spirits companies jumping in and then today, Thursday, July 30, you had Coca-Cola announce that they’re releasing a hard seltzer under their brand Topo Chico, which is just unbelievable, right? So everyone’s jumping in and I think it’s just insane. So, Erica, we’re actually publishing a story tomorrow about this, correct?

E: Yeah, definitely. So, Courtney Schiessl, who is an amazing writer who I love working with, she and I have been chatting about this on and off for months and the article that’s going to be coming out is looking at the massive evolution of this category. This is something that went from last year the entire category was worth $500 million, this year if you just look at the past 52 weeks it has already hit $2.7 billion in off-premise sales. And I saw a report this morning saying that hard seltzer sales are now predicted to $14.5 billion by 2027. So the compound growth rate of this segment of the beverage alcohol industry is stunning. I think they’re saying like 16.2 percent growth compound annual growth rate from 2020 to 2027. That is stunning considering that everything else is essentially flat or down. So this is the runaway train that we are going to see quickly evolving and going in new directions and those are the things that we’re going to be exploring.

A: Well, look, there’s a reason Anthony von Mandl, the owner of Mark Anthony brands who owns White Claw, is now the 40th richest man in the world.

E: Wow.

Z: You’re saying it wasn’t all Mike’s Hard Lemonade that did that?

A: No. Although you know that that’s also actually a billion-dollar brand. Which I never, never thought about that. Like I always thought, “Oh, who drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade?” And then I was talking to Josh recently about it and he was like, “Did you know that it’s actually a billion-dollar brand?” I looked it up and it is, and I was like, whoa, I never would have thought that.

Z: Yeah, you would think, I guess teenagers have a lot of money.

A: Yeah, I mean, teenagers and yeah, I guess, who else is drinking Mike’s. Although I’ve started paying attention to Tik Tok, I’m Tok-ing, and there’s a lot of Mike’s Hard Lemonade on Tik Tok. So this is why I think it’s interesting, there’s only three really alcohols you see on Tik Tok all the time. You see White Claw as a brand, you see all other hard seltzers, mostly I would say it leans into Truly, and then you see 1942 Don Julio. That’s really all you see. I mean you see some wine but it’s not the same, usually it’s just someone holding a glass, they’re not really showing you the brand in the same way, I guess. Do you know what I mean? I mean if someone is saying they’re drinking wine, you just see wine in a glass; they’re not usually pouring that brand and showing you what the brand is. But when it comes to hard seltzer they’re very much showing. I think it’s amazing the amount of loyalty to both the category consumers feel right now and loyalty to the brand they’re choosing is something we’ve never seen before. And it’s happened this fast, you know? I think you had like the beer wars between Miller Lite, Coors Light, and Bud Light evolved over a decade or decades of them really going to war and telling you to do these taste tests and pick one over the other. The war over what it means to choose a Truly compared to what it means to choose a White Claw — Truly has positioned themselves as anti-bro, White claw has positioned themselves to be super bros — is really interesting that it happened that fast.

E: Yeah. Definitely.

A: So I think the innovation that you’re talking about, Erica, is interesting because there’s innovation that’s happening both on the liquid side, lots of liquid innovation, and there’s massive marketing innovation. And the way that people are talking about these beverages and the way they’re playing around to get these beverages in front of consumers and doing creative marketing campaigns and influencer outreach and videos and songs and stuff like that is something that we also haven’t seen before at this speed. And the amount of money, usually when there’s a new category of alcohol or even just an emerging brand of alcohol, usually what you hear from the producer is that they’re not going to really spend very heavily against it, right? So they’re just going to see what happens in the market. Do we gain a little bit of foothold just organically and then maybe we’ll slowly grow. Especially in the way of craft beer, right? Most of these bigger craft breweries never spent on marketing, it was all about word of mouth. But in this category you have people launching brands and committing to six- and seven-figure spends on marketing almost immediately upon launch of the brand because they realize that’s what it’s going to take now and because there are so many brands in the space. But that’s not stopping anyone from launching new stuff, which I just think is amazing.

E: Yeah. Definitely.

Z: So a thought that occurred to me: I was talking to my stepfather the other day who doesn’t drink and he was asking me, “Do you guys ever talk about cider?” And I was like, “No, we talk about hard seltzer instead.” And this is what was supposed to happen to cider but on every kind of steroid you can imagine, where it was this sort of new category, it was going to capture a different segment of the drinking public that had maybe been ignored or at least not fully catered to. But I think the fascinating thing — and I want to get your thoughts on a couple of these specific ones because I’m really curious — as the category radiates out from what I think we would have defined a year ago as what is hard seltzer, meaning very low cal, some sort of fruit flavor and alcohol and now we’re getting into the sort of cocktail seltzers, wine seltzers, all this other stuff, do we think that what is the selling point for it at this point is the connection to this now-established category, or is it really about more the ease of use? Because I think this is the theme that’s fascinating to me, is it really the can, or is it the category that matters?

E: For me, I think convenience is definitely one of the drivers but then I think it’s also that “better for you” trend, right? So we know millennials are not drinking as much as those of us who came before but they’re drinking better. And when you’re looking at the trends of health and wellness and also the variety-seeking behavior and also some level of premiumization, it supports that there’s this growth of the hard seltzer category that is going to go so much further than where we are now and we’re already starting to see that. So for example, one of the breakout hits of the summer has been High Noon, which is a vodka-based hard seltzer. We’re starting to see other vodka seltzers like Keel Sparkling, tequila-based hard seltzers like Volley Spiked seltzer, those RTDs I think are kind of the next evolution. So we have this initial burst of brands that are really going out with this malt beverage but doing the very clever marketing around the calories and the carb counts. But then I think people, millennials especially, will wise up and say, “Malt beverage, I don’t know if that’s for me, what’s the healthier alternative?” And that’s when they’re going to start going down the road of the High Noons and the Volley Spiked Seltzer. Not because it is, by virtue of anything, better for you but because they feel like it’s better for you.

A: And you can see, Zach, which I think is interesting, in this hard seltzer category let’s say we say hard seltzer as its own, right, and then let’s break it down into three. Let’s say that one is spirits-based, so that’s the High Noons Erica’s talking about, and then one is FMB — that’s what is really leading the charge. Truly and White Claw together have over 60 percent of the market, maybe it’s even 70, they have a lot of the market,which is why Boston Beer’s stock right now is valued at $1,000 a share, and then you have now the wine-based seltzers, right? And each one of them are also kind of following this marketing playbook that I alluded to, or mentioned not even alluded to, earlier with how Truly and White Claw are facing off, right? And so you see that as well in spirits-based. So High Noon has really leaned into a brand many people would say is extremely toxic, Barstool Sports. But that has become the brand they have aligned themselves with and it’s a very heavily bro-based brand. And then you have other spirits-based spiked seltzers like Two Chicks and some of the brands that Erica’s mentioned that are going for the higher-end audience and saying they’re for the non-bros, for people that are just interested in that purity that Erica’s talking about. And I think that hasn’t happened yet in wine but I think you’ll see that as well. I’m curious to see which wine brand will create kind of like the bro-tastic, let’s not even say bro, what we really mean is frat-tastic party brand and which one will then be sort of the foil to that brand. It’s interesting that that’s how it’s playing out, it’s like Sharks and Jets among seltzers and what you drink kind of defines who you are. And I think that’s interesting to the brands who are willing to do that because they realize these audiences are so big. Because usually you wouldn’t align yourself with a brand like Barstool because you would assume it would turn off so much of the population who is sick of the misogyny and their racist behavior but there’s such an audience who is still there that High Noon says, “We’ll just take this audience and that’ll be ours and we don’t care if we lose anyone else.” And someone else turns around and says, “Cool, we’ll take everyone else.” That’s what’s happening sort of in these seltzer wars which is really crazy. I mean we had the cola wars in the ’90s and we’re literally going to have the seltzer wars.

Z: I wonder if, you know, you talked about sort of what’s happening with this sort of face-off mentality, the sort of, you know, you’re going to align yourself with a particular brand. Do you think what we saw happen — you were talking about not just the cola wars in the ’90s, which for those of you who are too young to remember it was Pepsi and Coke, you might have heard of them.

A: Coke won.

Z: Yes, well yeah. And we talked about the sort of light beer three battle between Miller, Coors, and Bud Light, but I wonder if this category and just the mentality of the public at this time, do we think that what’s happening now is what’s going to continue to happen? Which is that there’s going to always be newcomers on the scene. I wonder if a year ago we were talking about, “Wow, is White Claw going to rule everything?” And I think they still do. As you pointed out, Adam, they control, or they and Truly control, a huge share of the market at the moment. But I do think that the thing that’s different about the public now as opposed to 25 years ago, is I think a lot of people don’t necessarily want to identify themselves with what feels like a behemoth of a brand. There’s always going to be a segment of the population that wants to try not just something new but sort of the underdog, I guess is how I would put it, and does that kind of mesh with how you guys see the landscape shaking out, that there’s going to be room for smaller producers? Because I know when we last talked about hard seltzer, one of my questions was, is there ever going to be space for quote-unquote craft in this category? And I don’t know if we know that yet but maybe we’re starting to find that out.

E: Oh yeah. I definitely think so. I mean look at what we’re already seeing. You know, Ramona, which is owned by Jordan Salcito, she was a somm who came from Momofuku and then started this spritz brand that is very focused on quality, they’re very transparent about their practices. And then we have Hoxie, another wine-based spritz, Valerie Masten who was previously at Skurnik, she’s at the helm. These people are super focused on quality and transparency and making a really awesome product. But the interesting thing that I’ve seen these brands do, particularly Ramona, is that they didn’t used to market the calorie counts and carb counts and all that but now they are, and I think they are saying, “OK, hey hard seltzer drinkers who do not want to identify with these bigger brands, we’re here for you. We are a 90-calorie product. And we are organic and sustainable.” And like all of these types of messages that they are giving, I think that’s just the beginning. So we’re going to keep going down that path where the amount of complexity and differentiation we’re going to see in this category is going to be huge. I think two years from now, four years from now, it’s going to look entirely different and it’s going to be just as big as the craft brewing explosion that we saw in previous decades.

A: Yeah and I think the reason for that is because, to make a hard seltzer isn’t that difficult now for any of these brands, right? So craft brewers can really easily add seltzer to their repertoire. Like who knows, maybe we’ll start seeing like hazy hard seltzers, wouldn’t that be crazy? But like they could easily add that kind of stuff. And then in the wine brands too … a lot of them were slow to move to cans but now most of them are, so now they’ve kind of realized what it means to have a canning apparatus, add now a beverage where you’re just putting some of your wine and mixing it with seltzer water and adding some sugar and flavoring, it is a lot easier for them to get in. And then yes, people will start to diversify. Pretty recently, I think it was yesterday, the Wine Economist tweeted basically a chart that shows who the largest wine companies in the world are. And it said the largest four suppliers, which are Gallo, Constellation, The Wine Group, and Trinchero, control 60 percent of the market. Which is pretty normal, I mean, that’s not as bad as beer, actually. Only two really control 60 percent of the market. So I think in every space of alcohol you’ll see two, three, four brands or companies that will control a large share of the market and they’ll have lots of offerings in that share of the market, and then you’ll have everyone behind them who have a very good business and a decent amount of people who are buying from them and some of them will be other less craft-focused brands and some will be more focused crafts brands. And I think as this category continues to explode, as Erica’s saying, that definitely is a continued possibility because I think what people are attracted to about the category is that it is light, refreshing, etc., and it reminds them of things that came before. Like I think, you know, the Aperol Spritz, we’ve talked about this before, but the Aperol Spritz has a lot to do with the explosion of this category. Just regular seltzer in general has a lot do with the explosion of this category in general. Like consumers were kind of primed to find something like this, for something like this to be given to them, and then like fully embrace it.

E: Yeah and Aperol right now is way down because of on-premise not being around. Why doesn’t Aperol have an RTD? Why haven’t they done that yet?

A: Campari, if you’re listening, you should have an RTD fast.

E: Dude, you need an RTD way fast because people would drink it, there’s great brand recognition. After all the Aperol Spritz that we’ve been drinking over the past probably five years, that would crush.

A: Crush.

Z: And I think the other part of this is, and it feeds into another piece of this, which is we are living in an off-premise world and I think we are going to be living in an off-premise world for a while still, and if you are a brand, whether it’s Aperol or many others, that has relied traditionally on a lot of on-premise sales and just that driving the identity of your brand, I don’t know if you can afford to wait around another year before that starts coming back. Because, spoiler warning, that’s my projection on how long it’s going to take at a minimum. And I think you have to capitalize on your recognition and your name ID now and get yourself in front of people in the format that they’re most comfortable with. And the honest truth is a lot of people in this country, even if it’s really simple to put Aperol in a glass and put sparkling wine in there, are much more likely to drink your product if it’s in a can and all they have to do is open it.

A: Totally.

Z: Especially, if it’s in a mixed case with a Negroni spritz and something else that you whip up.

A: I mean, I completely agree with you. And look, I think this is a little bit of a segue here but you brought it up in terms of the next year, which I think you’re right, Zach, if not longer. But you know I was very angered by this interview, but I heard an interview with Mark Cuban two or three days ago and he was being interviewed.

Z: You’re not getting your Shark Tank interview anytime soon.

A: No, that’s fine or my court-side seats to the Mavericks, but that’s cool, too. But basically he was talking about the way he looks at investments and the way people change preferences, so he’s like, “Look, like it’s really shitty that all these restaurants are about to go under or that all these bars are suffering but because they’re about to go under or bar’s suffering, doesn’t mean people aren’t drinking or aren’t eating, they’re finding new ways to drink and new ways to eat.” And we’ve talked about this before, it takes six to eight weeks for things like that to become a habit so you know how much longer might it take for bars and restaurants to fully come back because people have just like started to realize, “Man, I make really good bread at home, why was I buying this out?” Or, “I figured out that I can make a really good steak,” or “I can bring really good wine or really good cocktails, or things like that.” And so I think while it’s a year, for sure, until it even feels like we feel comfortable going and sitting at all, it could be five to 10 years before we’re back to any level like we were at six months ago. And in all that time seltzers are just going to become more and more and more dominant. Or this RTD category that Erica’s really talking about, is going to become more and more dominant because it’s going to be about being out with your friends, the convenience of those products, the ability to go to the park. You know, it’s really nuts here, I’m curious for you, Zach, what Seattle feels like. Erica, I’m not going to ask you because you’re in Connecticut. But like New York City feels like Europe right now. The weekends it feels like Europe, it’s really crazy. You go to the parks and they are crowded with people, whether that’s a good or a bad thing, but they’re all picnicking and bringing drinks and every time I look at what people are drinking and I see a ton of seltzer because it’s easy. That portability is really easy and I think if you’re seeing that, too, in Seattle or people are seeing that in D.C. or Atlanta or wherever else they live who listen to the podcast, I think you’re going to see that continue because people are realizing what’s so beautiful about that and what people in Europe have liked about that for decades, and may have gotten used to that and saying, “Well, you know, maybe I don’t want to go and do this at a bar or restaurant every weekend anymore. Maybe that’s my splurge once a month instead of every Friday and Saturday night.” Do you know what I mean?

Z: Absolutely. I mean, yes, I am definitely seeing that in Seattle. I think the thing you see is a combination of people in parks and other public spaces and then you also sort of see just, you know, where I live, you definitely have lots of people who have some outdoor space of their own, a backyard or front yard or something like that, and people are in those or even a rooftop. And it’s just, most things are in cans because you know there’s a reason why it’s been the dominant thing for a lot of beer brands, because it’s easy, it keeps cold pretty well, and you can keep it in your fridge pretty easily. You know a bottle of wine is cumbersome and if it’s got a cork in it and you don’t have a corkscrew with you you’re kind of stuck and certainly bottles of spirits you have to mix together are not something someone’s going to. I might take them on a picnic but most people won’t.

A: Yeah, I won’t.

Z: I would pre-batch, let’s be honest. But yeah, the point is for a lot of people that want those flavors, the can is really the only way they’re going to be willing to go in on it if they’re not willing to have someone else make it for them. So yeah, if you’re out there and you’ve got a brand and you’re not thinking long and hard about how to get your product in a can I feel like you’re missing the boat.

E: Absolutely.

A: It’s like the people in the music industry who were like, “We don’t need to do MP3s, we’re still doing CDs.” You know what I mean, it’s just like this coming faster than we’ve ever seen it come before and if you’re not thinking long and hard about how you’re putting your wine in cans or your just RTD product or whatever, or your, like, Aperol and your listening to the podcast right now and you don’t have Aperol Spritz in development right now to roll out very soon in a can, you’re missing something because no one’s going to bring a bottle of Aperol, a bottle of Prosecco, and a bottle of sparkling water to the park. I don’t see it. And I think that’s why we’ve also seen much less of that consumption this summer because it’s great to drink it when it’s at the bar and you don’t have to worry about having those three simple ingredients, as Zach says, but it’s much different when you’re like, “OK, how would I batch this?” Because first of all, that means I have to pop the bottle of Prosecco, so is it going to get flat on its way to me taking it to the park? If I don’t, then I’m bringing three things, so what happens when, obviously, the sparkling water and the Prosecco run out before the Aperol or vice versa, how does that work? It becomes too much for people.

Z: Yeah and then you grab a White Claw.

A: Exactly. Because you’re like I’m just looking for flavored bubbles.

E: Exactly. And just think about as soon as it gets cold out people will have spent this entire summer experimenting with different brands seeing what they like, they will have found a couple of things that they really like and we’ve seen this massive rise of at-home cocktails but that will continue on. But to be honest, a lot of people are just lazy and just want a drink at the end of the day and those White Claws, Truly’s, etc. are just going to be popped open. And the cocktail may become more of a special thing that you are maybe not making every day. Who knows? But I think that people will have spent this entire summer testing and trying out the different brands that are in their marketplace. Like literally when I’ve gone into liquor stores that’s where people are gathered. They’re trying them all and at the end of the day, that’s going to be the go-to probably in a lot of cases instead of like a beer or a glass of wine.

A: Yeah, it is. It’s crazy. It’s really crazy. And like look for me I still haven’t found my hard seltzer that I love, it’s just really not my thing as much.

E: I’ll tell you mine.

A: What’s yours?

E: OK, so I like the Ramona Dry Grapefruit, which is like the driest version that they’re making. And then I also am super excited, like my at-home drink is ranch water, which we are now all drinking, which is just a tequila soda with a bunch of lime. Now there are three new ranch waters out on the market that I’ve just read about that I’m going to try. Super excited to try them. But I think that that type of thing where it’s just like an easy thing that you can pop open, they’re just getting better and better.

A: Yeah, I haven’t had a lot. Have you had any, Zach, that you like or that you would reach for?

Z: I actually, it’s funny that Erica said the Ramona Dry Grapefruit because that’s actually the one I’ve had most recently that I’ve really liked as well. It’s definitely an area that I will freely admit I need to explore more. Those of you listening that want to send me some samples, do it. I will give them a try. But yeah, I think what Erica said is a really good point, which is that we are at this phase of expansion that is really exciting where some really interesting ideas are taking hold, where really quality producers who are, not to say anything about the quality of some of the existing products but a lot of it is aimed at a mass market, but some of the more niche products are starting to hit the market, I would be interested in trying more of those. And just in general getting a sense for, I like sparkling things, I like bubbly things, so it’s definitely a category I have interest in and I think as you get more quality and more diversity in there I am sure that I will find a few that I will like. I’ve even sort of convinced my wife that we can buy them, it’s OK. She drinks so much sparkling water and sparkling wine, I’m just like, this is just a nice midpoint for the two of us. Because sometimes I don’t want to drink wine, as hard as that is to believe.

A: See for me, again yes, if you listen to the podcast, if you have some hard seltzer let us know. Email us at podcasts@vinepair.com, we’ll give it a try and we’ll let you know what we think at a later date. I am curious. I have yet to find one that I completely love. I’ve had Willy’s Superbrew. I’ve liked it but I think what’s also been really crazy to watch over the summer is the way just the term seltzer has completely morphed. We went to the park recently and met up with my cousin and his fiancée and we were sitting down, it was like the middle of the day on like a Sunday, and like my wife and I day drink but we weren’t in the mood and they asked us if we wanted seltzer and both of us were like “no, no, no we don’t want seltzer right now,” and they were like no, it’s seltzer seltzer. We’re like, “Oh, yeah, thanks.” The fact that like, to us, that’s what seltzer meant at this point is like yeah, its alcoholic is just absolutely insane and speaks to how much this category has taken over just in the last year.

Z: Yeah it’s a behemoth.

E: Just going to get bigger and bigger.

A: Just going to get bigger and bigger. We’ll check in about this again as time goes on. Maybe this fall when someone’s released a pumpkin spice seltzer.

Z: You predicted this last year and I was horrified.

A: It’s going to happen, I promise you it’s going to happen. You’re going to get a pumpkin spice seltzer and some sort of peppermint latte spice, you know what I mean? You know like some peppermint seltzer, I promise you. Like it’s for sure coming, there’s no way someone’s not trying or someone hasn’t already tried it and just has it ready to launch at the end of August, I’m convinced.

Z: Just as long as we don’t get a turkey and gravy one, I’m good.

A: That would be so gross. So anyway, if you have thoughts about this podcast hit us up at podcasts@vinepair.com, we’d love to hear what you think. If you have any other questions let us know as well and as always it really helps if you can leave a review, a rating, etc., and tell your friends, family, people you’d not even know walking on the sidewalk about the show. It really helps us get the word out there and more people discover what we’re up to. And Zach, Erica, before I say goodbye, let’s hit them with one more ad. Alright, bartenders, enter the Cognac Connection challenge to win a $1,000 scholarship. We’re giving away 10 of them. The deadline is Aug. 31, go to cognacconnection.com as Zach said, you spell that C-O-G-N-A-C-C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-O-N.com to enter and for all the details. Thanks so much. See you guys next week.

Z: Sounds great.

E: Bye.

A: Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy and me: Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout- out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: Hard Seltzer Is Rapidly Evolving — Here’s What You Need to Know appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/hard-seltzer-is-rapidly-evolving/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/vinepair-podcast-hard-seltzer-is-rapidly-evolving-heres-what-you-need-to-know

[isaiahrippinus]

VinePair Podcast: Hard Seltzer Is Rapidly Evolving — Here’s What You Need to Know

Last summer, a.k.a. the summer of hard seltzer, starred the juggernaut that is White Claw. While White Claw Summer turned out to be a massive success that transcends seasons, summer 2020 has seen an explosion of newcomers to the seltzer category.

There’s no denying the hard seltzer category is rapidly evolving beyond the initial flavored malt beverage base. The big players in the category are still big, but new versions of the basic formula of alcoholic seltzer abound, from spirits brands creating canned versions of their products mixed with seltzer, to a range of wine-based hard seltzers, to the many small breweries releasing new takes on the phenomenon.

This week on the VinePair Podcast, Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe discuss some of these new innovations, as well as how some brands are choosing to affiliate themselves with a particular lifestyle or even subculture. Also, why hard seltzer is a must for many major alcohol brands.

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Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: From Connecticut, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair Podcast. Before we get into today’s banter, a word from this week’s sponsor. Cognac USA, Speed Rack, and us, VinePair, are thrilled to offer 10 $1,000 scholarship prizes exclusively for professional bartenders. To enter to win these prizes, all you have to do is create an original Cognac cocktail and join virtual events in the next few months. I mean, dude, I love Cognac cocktails so I think I would, I mean if I was a professional bartender I would totally enter. To enter though, you just visit cognacconnection.com for details. The deadline to enter is Aug. 31. That’s cognacconnection.com. Also, some legal stuff, the campaign’s financed with aid from the European Union.

Z: And if you don’t know how to spell Cognac its C-O-G-N-A-C.

A: I love that you’re coming in hot with the help on the ad just to tell you how to spell Cognac.

Z: I’m just saying, you’d be surprised how many people misspell it.

A: That’s true. I think, I mean it’s going to be a dope competition. And like, look, if you’re entering don’t just make a Sazerac.

Z: That is decidedly not an original creation.

A: Exactly. Or like a riff on a Sazerac, I mean to say. Anyway, guys, you know lots of really great feedback from last week’s clean wine episode. More clean wine bullshit out there, too.

E: Oh my god, it just keeps going.

Z: I feel like we opened Pandora’s box by doing a podcast about it because now everyone is sending me every last article they find and I’m, like “Ugh, the scourge upon the earth that has been unleashed.”

A: I mean, I do think like it’s all coming to a head, right? It’s the beast that won’t stop. And it’s kind of taking all of these sort of unregulated terms along with it. I think it’s making a lot of people look at the industry and be like, “Wow, yeah, there are a lot of ways we used to label this beverage that basically had zero meaning.” And maybe we should look at that regulation. But now, you even have people that are taking things that you actually can regulate and redefining them. I mean, I know Erica’s aware of this because we were discussing on the Slack channel today, maybe, Zach, you saw it, too, but that company Clean Wines, or whatever the hell they’re called, they’re like actually using DOC certification stuff as like a reason to say that they’ve done the research on these wines, that they’re clean. And I’m like, “That’s not what these certifications are for.” But they’re just bamboozling consumers. “Oh, well there’s a certification on it so like it’s definitely better for you because it says DOCG.”

E: Yeah, it says, so it was Good Clean Wine, and they said, “Each of our wines carries certifications to be classified as either an IGT DOC or IGP wine.” Yeah, no. That has nothing to do with this splatter. Sorry. Like, where are you coming up with this?

Z: I think it just speaks to what we talked about last week, which is there is this incredible vacuum of public understanding of wine and especially when it comes to European wine. What any of those acronyms even mean and what they do and do not indicate about a wine and it’s a real easy vacuum for people to fill with just endless mountains of bullshit and that’s what’s happening.

E: That’s exactly what’s happening.

A: So you know what this reminds me of, Zach you may recall this as well, growing up as a Jewish kid in Alabama, my family wasn’t kosher but anything that I saw that was kosher I’d be like, “Yeah, that’s ours!” And so do you remember the campaign that was Hebrew National Hot Dogs and they’re like, “We answer to a higher authority”?

Z: I do.

A: And they basically we’re just like, “Yeah, we’re certified kosher.” They never said that they meant the hot dogs were better for you or cleaner but that’s basically what they were saying and the hot dogs exploded across the American market. Tons of people bought them because they thought they were cleaner and better. I don’t know, maybe that slaughterhouse did a better job, although it’s a hot dog at the end of the day, right? Like how much cleaner is it than other hot dogs? But this is exactly what this campaign reminded me of, it’s like we have a certification that actually has nothing to do with how we’re going to use that certification. But because we have our certification we’re going to make you think that that matters more than the other wines that don’t. It’s just hilarious, they should’ve just been like, “Clean Wines, we answer to the Italian bureaucracy with DOCG certification.”

Z: “We answer to a higher authority that Italians themselves don’t pay attention to half the time.”

A: Anyways, yeah that’s been fun to continue to watch this thing spiral out of control. Anyways, that’s not today’s topic, today’s topic is instead the continued, I know we’ve talked about it a good bit over the past few months, but the continued runaway train expansion of the hard seltzer category with so many brands jumping in. It seems like now no matter where you are in the classic wine, beer, or spirits space you are paying attention to this category, right? We have wineries jumping in within wine-based hard seltzers, we have beer, even craft beer, producers with their own versions of flavored malt beverages, and then you have spirits companies jumping in and then today, Thursday, July 30, you had Coca-Cola announce that they’re releasing a hard seltzer under their brand Topo Chico, which is just unbelievable, right? So everyone’s jumping in and I think it’s just insane. So, Erica, we’re actually publishing a story tomorrow about this, correct?

E: Yeah, definitely. So, Courtney Schiessl, who is an amazing writer who I love working with, she and I have been chatting about this on and off for months and the article that’s going to be coming out is looking at the massive evolution of this category. This is something that went from last year the entire category was worth $500 million, this year if you just look at the past 52 weeks it has already hit $2.7 billion in off-premise sales. And I saw a report this morning saying that hard seltzer sales are now predicted to $14.5 billion by 2027. So the compound growth rate of this segment of the beverage alcohol industry is stunning. I think they’re saying like 16.2 percent growth compound annual growth rate from 2020 to 2027. That is stunning considering that everything else is essentially flat or down. So this is the runaway train that we are going to see quickly evolving and going in new directions and those are the things that we’re going to be exploring.

A: Well, look, there’s a reason Anthony von Mandl, the owner of Mark Anthony brands who owns White Claw, is now the 40th richest man in the world.

E: Wow.

Z: You’re saying it wasn’t all Mike’s Hard Lemonade that did that?

A: No. Although you know that that’s also actually a billion-dollar brand. Which I never, never thought about that. Like I always thought, “Oh, who drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade?” And then I was talking to Josh recently about it and he was like, “Did you know that it’s actually a billion-dollar brand?” I looked it up and it is, and I was like, whoa, I never would have thought that.

Z: Yeah, you would think, I guess teenagers have a lot of money.

A: Yeah, I mean, teenagers and yeah, I guess, who else is drinking Mike’s. Although I’ve started paying attention to Tik Tok, I’m Tok-ing, and there’s a lot of Mike’s Hard Lemonade on Tik Tok. So this is why I think it’s interesting, there’s only three really alcohols you see on Tik Tok all the time. You see White Claw as a brand, you see all other hard seltzers, mostly I would say it leans into Truly, and then you see 1942 Don Julio. That’s really all you see. I mean you see some wine but it’s not the same, usually it’s just someone holding a glass, they’re not really showing you the brand in the same way, I guess. Do you know what I mean? I mean if someone is saying they’re drinking wine, you just see wine in a glass; they’re not usually pouring that brand and showing you what the brand is. But when it comes to hard seltzer they’re very much showing. I think it’s amazing the amount of loyalty to both the category consumers feel right now and loyalty to the brand they’re choosing is something we’ve never seen before. And it’s happened this fast, you know? I think you had like the beer wars between Miller Lite, Coors Light, and Bud Light evolved over a decade or decades of them really going to war and telling you to do these taste tests and pick one over the other. The war over what it means to choose a Truly compared to what it means to choose a White Claw — Truly has positioned themselves as anti-bro, White claw has positioned themselves to be super bros — is really interesting that it happened that fast.

E: Yeah. Definitely.

A: So I think the innovation that you’re talking about, Erica, is interesting because there’s innovation that’s happening both on the liquid side, lots of liquid innovation, and there’s massive marketing innovation. And the way that people are talking about these beverages and the way they’re playing around to get these beverages in front of consumers and doing creative marketing campaigns and influencer outreach and videos and songs and stuff like that is something that we also haven’t seen before at this speed. And the amount of money, usually when there’s a new category of alcohol or even just an emerging brand of alcohol, usually what you hear from the producer is that they’re not going to really spend very heavily against it, right? So they’re just going to see what happens in the market. Do we gain a little bit of foothold just organically and then maybe we’ll slowly grow. Especially in the way of craft beer, right? Most of these bigger craft breweries never spent on marketing, it was all about word of mouth. But in this category you have people launching brands and committing to six- and seven-figure spends on marketing almost immediately upon launch of the brand because they realize that’s what it’s going to take now and because there are so many brands in the space. But that’s not stopping anyone from launching new stuff, which I just think is amazing.

E: Yeah. Definitely.

Z: So a thought that occurred to me: I was talking to my stepfather the other day who doesn’t drink and he was asking me, “Do you guys ever talk about cider?” And I was like, “No, we talk about hard seltzer instead.” And this is what was supposed to happen to cider but on every kind of steroid you can imagine, where it was this sort of new category, it was going to capture a different segment of the drinking public that had maybe been ignored or at least not fully catered to. But I think the fascinating thing — and I want to get your thoughts on a couple of these specific ones because I’m really curious — as the category radiates out from what I think we would have defined a year ago as what is hard seltzer, meaning very low cal, some sort of fruit flavor and alcohol and now we’re getting into the sort of cocktail seltzers, wine seltzers, all this other stuff, do we think that what is the selling point for it at this point is the connection to this now-established category, or is it really about more the ease of use? Because I think this is the theme that’s fascinating to me, is it really the can, or is it the category that matters?

E: For me, I think convenience is definitely one of the drivers but then I think it’s also that “better for you” trend, right? So we know millennials are not drinking as much as those of us who came before but they’re drinking better. And when you’re looking at the trends of health and wellness and also the variety-seeking behavior and also some level of premiumization, it supports that there’s this growth of the hard seltzer category that is going to go so much further than where we are now and we’re already starting to see that. So for example, one of the breakout hits of the summer has been High Noon, which is a vodka-based hard seltzer. We’re starting to see other vodka seltzers like Keel Sparkling, tequila-based hard seltzers like Volley Spiked seltzer, those RTDs I think are kind of the next evolution. So we have this initial burst of brands that are really going out with this malt beverage but doing the very clever marketing around the calories and the carb counts. But then I think people, millennials especially, will wise up and say, “Malt beverage, I don’t know if that’s for me, what’s the healthier alternative?” And that’s when they’re going to start going down the road of the High Noons and the Volley Spiked Seltzer. Not because it is, by virtue of anything, better for you but because they feel like it’s better for you.

A: And you can see, Zach, which I think is interesting, in this hard seltzer category let’s say we say hard seltzer as its own, right, and then let’s break it down into three. Let’s say that one is spirits-based, so that’s the High Noons Erica’s talking about, and then one is FMB — that’s what is really leading the charge. Truly and White Claw together have over 60 percent of the market, maybe it’s even 70, they have a lot of the market,which is why Boston Beer’s stock right now is valued at $1,000 a share, and then you have now the wine-based seltzers, right? And each one of them are also kind of following this marketing playbook that I alluded to, or mentioned not even alluded to, earlier with how Truly and White Claw are facing off, right? And so you see that as well in spirits-based. So High Noon has really leaned into a brand many people would say is extremely toxic, Barstool Sports. But that has become the brand they have aligned themselves with and it’s a very heavily bro-based brand. And then you have other spirits-based spiked seltzers like Two Chicks and some of the brands that Erica’s mentioned that are going for the higher-end audience and saying they’re for the non-bros, for people that are just interested in that purity that Erica’s talking about. And I think that hasn’t happened yet in wine but I think you’ll see that as well. I’m curious to see which wine brand will create kind of like the bro-tastic, let’s not even say bro, what we really mean is frat-tastic party brand and which one will then be sort of the foil to that brand. It’s interesting that that’s how it’s playing out, it’s like Sharks and Jets among seltzers and what you drink kind of defines who you are. And I think that’s interesting to the brands who are willing to do that because they realize these audiences are so big. Because usually you wouldn’t align yourself with a brand like Barstool because you would assume it would turn off so much of the population who is sick of the misogyny and their racist behavior but there’s such an audience who is still there that High Noon says, “We’ll just take this audience and that’ll be ours and we don’t care if we lose anyone else.” And someone else turns around and says, “Cool, we’ll take everyone else.” That’s what’s happening sort of in these seltzer wars which is really crazy. I mean we had the cola wars in the ’90s and we’re literally going to have the seltzer wars.

Z: I wonder if, you know, you talked about sort of what’s happening with this sort of face-off mentality, the sort of, you know, you’re going to align yourself with a particular brand. Do you think what we saw happen — you were talking about not just the cola wars in the ’90s, which for those of you who are too young to remember it was Pepsi and Coke, you might have heard of them.

A: Coke won.

Z: Yes, well yeah. And we talked about the sort of light beer three battle between Miller, Coors, and Bud Light, but I wonder if this category and just the mentality of the public at this time, do we think that what’s happening now is what’s going to continue to happen? Which is that there’s going to always be newcomers on the scene. I wonder if a year ago we were talking about, “Wow, is White Claw going to rule everything?” And I think they still do. As you pointed out, Adam, they control, or they and Truly control, a huge share of the market at the moment. But I do think that the thing that’s different about the public now as opposed to 25 years ago, is I think a lot of people don’t necessarily want to identify themselves with what feels like a behemoth of a brand. There’s always going to be a segment of the population that wants to try not just something new but sort of the underdog, I guess is how I would put it, and does that kind of mesh with how you guys see the landscape shaking out, that there’s going to be room for smaller producers? Because I know when we last talked about hard seltzer, one of my questions was, is there ever going to be space for quote-unquote craft in this category? And I don’t know if we know that yet but maybe we’re starting to find that out.

E: Oh yeah. I definitely think so. I mean look at what we’re already seeing. You know, Ramona, which is owned by Jordan Salcito, she was a somm who came from Momofuku and then started this spritz brand that is very focused on quality, they’re very transparent about their practices. And then we have Hoxie, another wine-based spritz, Valerie Masten who was previously at Skurnik, she’s at the helm. These people are super focused on quality and transparency and making a really awesome product. But the interesting thing that I’ve seen these brands do, particularly Ramona, is that they didn’t used to market the calorie counts and carb counts and all that but now they are, and I think they are saying, “OK, hey hard seltzer drinkers who do not want to identify with these bigger brands, we’re here for you. We are a 90-calorie product. And we are organic and sustainable.” And like all of these types of messages that they are giving, I think that’s just the beginning. So we’re going to keep going down that path where the amount of complexity and differentiation we’re going to see in this category is going to be huge. I think two years from now, four years from now, it’s going to look entirely different and it’s going to be just as big as the craft brewing explosion that we saw in previous decades.

A: Yeah and I think the reason for that is because, to make a hard seltzer isn’t that difficult now for any of these brands, right? So craft brewers can really easily add seltzer to their repertoire. Like who knows, maybe we’ll start seeing like hazy hard seltzers, wouldn’t that be crazy? But like they could easily add that kind of stuff. And then in the wine brands too … a lot of them were slow to move to cans but now most of them are, so now they’ve kind of realized what it means to have a canning apparatus, add now a beverage where you’re just putting some of your wine and mixing it with seltzer water and adding some sugar and flavoring, it is a lot easier for them to get in. And then yes, people will start to diversify. Pretty recently, I think it was yesterday, the Wine Economist tweeted basically a chart that shows who the largest wine companies in the world are. And it said the largest four suppliers, which are Gallo, Constellation, The Wine Group, and Trinchero, control 60 percent of the market. Which is pretty normal, I mean, that’s not as bad as beer, actually. Only two really control 60 percent of the market. So I think in every space of alcohol you’ll see two, three, four brands or companies that will control a large share of the market and they’ll have lots of offerings in that share of the market, and then you’ll have everyone behind them who have a very good business and a decent amount of people who are buying from them and some of them will be other less craft-focused brands and some will be more focused crafts brands. And I think as this category continues to explode, as Erica’s saying, that definitely is a continued possibility because I think what people are attracted to about the category is that it is light, refreshing, etc., and it reminds them of things that came before. Like I think, you know, the Aperol Spritz, we’ve talked about this before, but the Aperol Spritz has a lot to do with the explosion of this category. Just regular seltzer in general has a lot do with the explosion of this category in general. Like consumers were kind of primed to find something like this, for something like this to be given to them, and then like fully embrace it.

E: Yeah and Aperol right now is way down because of on-premise not being around. Why doesn’t Aperol have an RTD? Why haven’t they done that yet?

A: Campari, if you’re listening, you should have an RTD fast.

E: Dude, you need an RTD way fast because people would drink it, there’s great brand recognition. After all the Aperol Spritz that we’ve been drinking over the past probably five years, that would crush.

A: Crush.

Z: And I think the other part of this is, and it feeds into another piece of this, which is we are living in an off-premise world and I think we are going to be living in an off-premise world for a while still, and if you are a brand, whether it’s Aperol or many others, that has relied traditionally on a lot of on-premise sales and just that driving the identity of your brand, I don’t know if you can afford to wait around another year before that starts coming back. Because, spoiler warning, that’s my projection on how long it’s going to take at a minimum. And I think you have to capitalize on your recognition and your name ID now and get yourself in front of people in the format that they’re most comfortable with. And the honest truth is a lot of people in this country, even if it’s really simple to put Aperol in a glass and put sparkling wine in there, are much more likely to drink your product if it’s in a can and all they have to do is open it.

A: Totally.

Z: Especially, if it’s in a mixed case with a Negroni spritz and something else that you whip up.

A: I mean, I completely agree with you. And look, I think this is a little bit of a segue here but you brought it up in terms of the next year, which I think you’re right, Zach, if not longer. But you know I was very angered by this interview, but I heard an interview with Mark Cuban two or three days ago and he was being interviewed.

Z: You’re not getting your Shark Tank interview anytime soon.

A: No, that’s fine or my court-side seats to the Mavericks, but that’s cool, too. But basically he was talking about the way he looks at investments and the way people change preferences, so he’s like, “Look, like it’s really shitty that all these restaurants are about to go under or that all these bars are suffering but because they’re about to go under or bar’s suffering, doesn’t mean people aren’t drinking or aren’t eating, they’re finding new ways to drink and new ways to eat.” And we’ve talked about this before, it takes six to eight weeks for things like that to become a habit so you know how much longer might it take for bars and restaurants to fully come back because people have just like started to realize, “Man, I make really good bread at home, why was I buying this out?” Or, “I figured out that I can make a really good steak,” or “I can bring really good wine or really good cocktails, or things like that.” And so I think while it’s a year, for sure, until it even feels like we feel comfortable going and sitting at all, it could be five to 10 years before we’re back to any level like we were at six months ago. And in all that time seltzers are just going to become more and more and more dominant. Or this RTD category that Erica’s really talking about, is going to become more and more dominant because it’s going to be about being out with your friends, the convenience of those products, the ability to go to the park. You know, it’s really nuts here, I’m curious for you, Zach, what Seattle feels like. Erica, I’m not going to ask you because you’re in Connecticut. But like New York City feels like Europe right now. The weekends it feels like Europe, it’s really crazy. You go to the parks and they are crowded with people, whether that’s a good or a bad thing, but they’re all picnicking and bringing drinks and every time I look at what people are drinking and I see a ton of seltzer because it’s easy. That portability is really easy and I think if you’re seeing that, too, in Seattle or people are seeing that in D.C. or Atlanta or wherever else they live who listen to the podcast, I think you’re going to see that continue because people are realizing what’s so beautiful about that and what people in Europe have liked about that for decades, and may have gotten used to that and saying, “Well, you know, maybe I don’t want to go and do this at a bar or restaurant every weekend anymore. Maybe that’s my splurge once a month instead of every Friday and Saturday night.” Do you know what I mean?

Z: Absolutely. I mean, yes, I am definitely seeing that in Seattle. I think the thing you see is a combination of people in parks and other public spaces and then you also sort of see just, you know, where I live, you definitely have lots of people who have some outdoor space of their own, a backyard or front yard or something like that, and people are in those or even a rooftop. And it’s just, most things are in cans because you know there’s a reason why it’s been the dominant thing for a lot of beer brands, because it’s easy, it keeps cold pretty well, and you can keep it in your fridge pretty easily. You know a bottle of wine is cumbersome and if it’s got a cork in it and you don’t have a corkscrew with you you’re kind of stuck and certainly bottles of spirits you have to mix together are not something someone’s going to. I might take them on a picnic but most people won’t.

A: Yeah, I won’t.

Z: I would pre-batch, let’s be honest. But yeah, the point is for a lot of people that want those flavors, the can is really the only way they’re going to be willing to go in on it if they’re not willing to have someone else make it for them. So yeah, if you’re out there and you’ve got a brand and you’re not thinking long and hard about how to get your product in a can I feel like you’re missing the boat.

E: Absolutely.

A: It’s like the people in the music industry who were like, “We don’t need to do MP3s, we’re still doing CDs.” You know what I mean, it’s just like this coming faster than we’ve ever seen it come before and if you’re not thinking long and hard about how you’re putting your wine in cans or your just RTD product or whatever, or your, like, Aperol and your listening to the podcast right now and you don’t have Aperol Spritz in development right now to roll out very soon in a can, you’re missing something because no one’s going to bring a bottle of Aperol, a bottle of Prosecco, and a bottle of sparkling water to the park. I don’t see it. And I think that’s why we’ve also seen much less of that consumption this summer because it’s great to drink it when it’s at the bar and you don’t have to worry about having those three simple ingredients, as Zach says, but it’s much different when you’re like, “OK, how would I batch this?” Because first of all, that means I have to pop the bottle of Prosecco, so is it going to get flat on its way to me taking it to the park? If I don’t, then I’m bringing three things, so what happens when, obviously, the sparkling water and the Prosecco run out before the Aperol or vice versa, how does that work? It becomes too much for people.

Z: Yeah and then you grab a White Claw.

A: Exactly. Because you’re like I’m just looking for flavored bubbles.

E: Exactly. And just think about as soon as it gets cold out people will have spent this entire summer experimenting with different brands seeing what they like, they will have found a couple of things that they really like and we’ve seen this massive rise of at-home cocktails but that will continue on. But to be honest, a lot of people are just lazy and just want a drink at the end of the day and those White Claws, Truly’s, etc. are just going to be popped open. And the cocktail may become more of a special thing that you are maybe not making every day. Who knows? But I think that people will have spent this entire summer testing and trying out the different brands that are in their marketplace. Like literally when I’ve gone into liquor stores that’s where people are gathered. They’re trying them all and at the end of the day, that’s going to be the go-to probably in a lot of cases instead of like a beer or a glass of wine.

A: Yeah, it is. It’s crazy. It’s really crazy. And like look for me I still haven’t found my hard seltzer that I love, it’s just really not my thing as much.

E: I’ll tell you mine.

A: What’s yours?

E: OK, so I like the Ramona Dry Grapefruit, which is like the driest version that they’re making. And then I also am super excited, like my at-home drink is ranch water, which we are now all drinking, which is just a tequila soda with a bunch of lime. Now there are three new ranch waters out on the market that I’ve just read about that I’m going to try. Super excited to try them. But I think that that type of thing where it’s just like an easy thing that you can pop open, they’re just getting better and better.

A: Yeah, I haven’t had a lot. Have you had any, Zach, that you like or that you would reach for?

Z: I actually, it’s funny that Erica said the Ramona Dry Grapefruit because that’s actually the one I’ve had most recently that I’ve really liked as well. It’s definitely an area that I will freely admit I need to explore more. Those of you listening that want to send me some samples, do it. I will give them a try. But yeah, I think what Erica said is a really good point, which is that we are at this phase of expansion that is really exciting where some really interesting ideas are taking hold, where really quality producers who are, not to say anything about the quality of some of the existing products but a lot of it is aimed at a mass market, but some of the more niche products are starting to hit the market, I would be interested in trying more of those. And just in general getting a sense for, I like sparkling things, I like bubbly things, so it’s definitely a category I have interest in and I think as you get more quality and more diversity in there I am sure that I will find a few that I will like. I’ve even sort of convinced my wife that we can buy them, it’s OK. She drinks so much sparkling water and sparkling wine, I’m just like, this is just a nice midpoint for the two of us. Because sometimes I don’t want to drink wine, as hard as that is to believe.

A: See for me, again yes, if you listen to the podcast, if you have some hard seltzer let us know. Email us at podcasts@vinepair.com, we’ll give it a try and we’ll let you know what we think at a later date. I am curious. I have yet to find one that I completely love. I’ve had Willy’s Superbrew. I’ve liked it but I think what’s also been really crazy to watch over the summer is the way just the term seltzer has completely morphed. We went to the park recently and met up with my cousin and his fiancée and we were sitting down, it was like the middle of the day on like a Sunday, and like my wife and I day drink but we weren’t in the mood and they asked us if we wanted seltzer and both of us were like “no, no, no we don’t want seltzer right now,” and they were like no, it’s seltzer seltzer. We’re like, “Oh, yeah, thanks.” The fact that like, to us, that’s what seltzer meant at this point is like yeah, its alcoholic is just absolutely insane and speaks to how much this category has taken over just in the last year.

Z: Yeah it’s a behemoth.

E: Just going to get bigger and bigger.

A: Just going to get bigger and bigger. We’ll check in about this again as time goes on. Maybe this fall when someone’s released a pumpkin spice seltzer.

Z: You predicted this last year and I was horrified.

A: It’s going to happen, I promise you it’s going to happen. You’re going to get a pumpkin spice seltzer and some sort of peppermint latte spice, you know what I mean? You know like some peppermint seltzer, I promise you. Like it’s for sure coming, there’s no way someone’s not trying or someone hasn’t already tried it and just has it ready to launch at the end of August, I’m convinced.

Z: Just as long as we don’t get a turkey and gravy one, I’m good.

A: That would be so gross. So anyway, if you have thoughts about this podcast hit us up at podcasts@vinepair.com, we’d love to hear what you think. If you have any other questions let us know as well and as always it really helps if you can leave a review, a rating, etc., and tell your friends, family, people you’d not even know walking on the sidewalk about the show. It really helps us get the word out there and more people discover what we’re up to. And Zach, Erica, before I say goodbye, let’s hit them with one more ad. Alright, bartenders, enter the Cognac Connection challenge to win a $1,000 scholarship. We’re giving away 10 of them. The deadline is Aug. 31, go to cognacconnection.com as Zach said, you spell that C-O-G-N-A-C-C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-O-N.com to enter and for all the details. Thanks so much. See you guys next week.

Z: Sounds great.

E: Bye.

A: Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy and me: Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout- out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: Hard Seltzer Is Rapidly Evolving — Here’s What You Need to Know appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/hard-seltzer-is-rapidly-evolving/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/625526803126222848

[losing-sensibility-blog]

these are some asks bc im a big fucc

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? iTunes bc fuck all that noise but i use pandora to find new good shit is your room messy or clean? so bad so messy what color are your eyes? like brown but apparently less brown than some people have do you like your name? why? eh its alright i dont have a problem with it i just wish it had a cooler meaning what is your relationship status? TAKEN AS FUCK WATCH OUT LADIES MY GIRL ABOUTTA STOMP YOU IF YOU LOOK AT ME THE WRONG WAY describe your personality in 3 words or less; cringe, disconcerting, apathetic what color hair do you have? broWn what kind of car do you drive? color? i don’t where do you shop? hot topic, vans, zumies, tilly’s, rocket fizz how would you describe your style? like a wannabe skater/stoner favorite social media account; fucking........>>>>>> i hate them all so tumblr what size bed do you have?  mark (twi)a(n) any siblings? 4 half siblings, i know two, dont know two if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? colorado bc its been my favorite place since childhood  favorite snapchat filter? any of the ones that make my face cringier than normal favorite makeup brand(s) hAAAAaaaa how many times a week do you shower? so many favorite tv show? the office, rick and morty, probably family guy shoe size? 13 how tall are you? 6′2-3″ sandals or sneakers? i had a sandals phase but i dont really wear sneakers sOSO do you go to the gym? HAHAHHAHAHAHA describe your dream date: already had it, spent all day in the city, went record shopping, went to an aquarium and the ripleys museum, got high at pier 39, had mcdonalds for dinner, ended the day sitting in a park drinking a mikes hard lemonade, it was good shit  how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? literally 0 and some bart cards with 5 cents on them what color socks are you wearing? flesh color how many pillows do you sleep with? tres do you have a job? what do you do? i work at my mom’s job i just seal screws into bags  how many friends do you have? apparently 5 whats the worst thing you have ever done? high school whats your favorite candle scent? VANILLA PROBS 3 favorite boy names; eminem, kanye, jay 3 favorite girl names; rihanna, kesha, beyonce favorite actor? james mcavoy favorite actress? idek probs aubrey plaza  who is your celebrity crush? james mcavoy favorite movie? filth or the grand budapest hotel or fear and the big lebowski do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? not really as much as i’d like, a million little pieces is my favorite so far tho money or brains? brains do you have a nickname? what is it? no how many times have you been to the hospital? like twice top 10 favorite songs; ooooooh boy, It Is Not Meant to Be by Tame Impala, Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups, Never Follow Suit by The Radio Dept., The Air Near My Fingers by The White Stripes, Catalina by Allah-Las, Soul Kitchen by The Doors, Hate To Say I Told You So by The Hives, Sixteen Saltines by Jack White, You Only Live Once by The Strokes, Creep In A T-shirt by Portugal. The Man  do you take any medications daily? what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Normal what is your biggest fear? BEINg ALONE how many kids do you want? however many sammy wants tbh whats your go to hair style? its just like whatever happens happens what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small apartment who is your role model? jethuth what was the last compliment you received? something sammy probably said tbh what was the last text you sent? “thats a lie” to sammy how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? i think i was 7 or 8 what is your dream car? 80s ford econoline with a circle window  opinion on smoking? i smoke wacky tobacky but not regular tobacky do you go to college? no but i might what is your dream job? musician would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? sububrs do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? yes do you have freckles? no do you smile for pictures? sometimes it depends on how good i decide on looking how many pictures do you have on your phone? 98 have you ever peed in the woods? yes do you still watch cartoons? yes do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? mcdonalds Favorite dipping sauce? sweet and sour sauce what do you wear to bed? underwear and whatever shirt i wore that day have you ever won a spelling bee? no but i probs would what are your hobbies? self loathing and procrastinating can you draw? i can draw badly on purpose but not good if that makes sense do you play an instrument? im starting to play guitar what was the last concert you saw? Tame Impala last november tea or coffee? coffeeEEEEE i need it to survive Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? i dont like starbucks and i havent been to dunkin donuts so can i just say peets? do you want to get married? yes (MAKE IT HAPPEN SAMANTHA) what is your crush’s first and last initial? S.S. like she’s a ship or some shit are you going to change your last name when you get married? we might do that just to piss off her parents lmao what color looks best on you? black grey white, or any combo of those do you miss anyone right now?  YES FUCKING HELL I DO (pls come home) do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed af unless my cats are being needy do you believe in ghosts? yes ive had experience so i kinda have to  what is your biggest pet peeve? everything about everyone i hate last person you called; sammy obvs favorite ice cream flavor?  mint chocolate chip or marble fudge regular oreos or golden oreos? regular chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow what shirt are you wearing? a tame impala t-shirt (big surprise) what is your phone background? a pic of me and sammy that makes me smile like an idiot every time i see it are you outgoing or shy? it depends, with the right people im a little tOO outgoing, but when im by myself im super super introverted do you like it when people play with your hair? im not opposed to it i guess do you like your neighbors?  dont really know or have a problem with them tbh do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? in the morning when i shower have you ever been high? yes have you ever been drunk? yes last thing you ate? 2 mcdoubles, and 10 mcnuggets favorite lyrics right now; 

Well don’t you remember, you told me in December that a boy is not a man until he makes a stand

Well I’m not a genius but maybe you’ll remember this I never said I ever wanted to be a man

summer or winter?  winter af  day or night? night af dark, milk, or white chocolate? i go between dark and milk chocolate really favorite month? probably november because my soulmate was created during that month LMAOoOOoo plus its chill and i like fall weather bc my best outfits come out of it what is your zodiac sign; LEO who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom