#not sure if you define yourself with that specific term but it’s just for tagging purposes

[midnight-in-eden]

Bro, im an PIMO (almost POMO) of the JWs. And what you post is so similar to all the jw shit. 💀💀 its creepy

I’ve heard ex-JWs and exmormons have a lot in common! Glad you’re finding it relatable. Good luck on your road out.

[lestats-ovaries]

putting in my two cents as an aroace hazbin fan to the whole alastor shipping debate (adding a cut below because this got long-)

before I start, it's important to remind everyone:

alastor is canonically ace and (semi)canonically aro, and that should be respected the same way we'd respect angel dust's identity as a gay man, or vaggie's as a sapphic woman.

"ace" and "aro", while also functioning as labels unto themselves, are umbrella terms for a lottt of identities. Some of which do include the ability to experience sexual and romantic attraction, in different ways and at different levels (demi, cupio, lith/lithro, grey, aro-and aceflux, the list goes on).

So, given all that, is it possible to interpret alastor as experiencing some level of romantic attraction, or sexual attraction? Of course, identities like the ones I listed above are just as valid as any other acespec and arospec identity.

So, what's the issue then? Right now, a lot of fans are using the breadth of aspec identities and experiences as a shield, to excuse them shipping him like they would an allosexual/alloromantic character.

Just to make it clear, that in itself is erasure. And I know that's a strong statement, and that there being such a broad aroace experience adds nuance to any statement you can make on that, but we have to acknowledge as a fandom that there are objectively wrong ways to handle aspec characters, both in the way we discuss them and in the way we portray them in fan works.

And before anyone says it, saying "alastor isn't real" or "fanon content won't change his canon sexuality" doesn't work when real life aspec people can't even look in a tag of a character that's supposed to represent them without seeing their identity erased. It's the way I feel attempting to engage with a lot of hazbin content, and I know a lot of my fellow aspec hazbin fans are feeling it as well.

So, what's the solution to all this? That's unfortunately kinda complicated. Everyone has a different opinion on what constitutes as erasure, what is good rep, how much benefit of the doubt we should give people, et cetera, and so everyone's solutions look different. In a way there also isn't a way to solve it, since aroace erasure is so normalized in fandom culture (not just the hazbin fandom; fandom culture as a whole) that there will always be a significant portion of fans who will ignore, erase, or otherwise deny alastor's or any other aroace character's sexuality.

So, to put my two cents on it:

My philosophy is that if you're going to ship alastor (or any aspec character for that matter), it's best to have an identity in mind for him to use as reference. For example, I think of alastor as sex-repulsed aroace, and I write him with that in mind. Whatever you pick can be a steadfast headcanon, an identity tailored to the story you want to tell, or one you want to explore in your fanwork, whether for fun or to educate yourself on it better.

What's better is that you don't even need to mention the sexuality itself in the work! Show don't tell is a great writing tool, and for alastor specifically, who canonically isn't aware of his sexuality, it works perfectly. Just simply creating with it in mind, asking yourself, "how would someone with [insert identity] experience this?" and going from there, makes a world of difference.

Just in terms of good fanfic etiquette, I'd also make sure to include it in the tags if you're posting it on ao3, just to make sure your readers know what's up and to help with filtering (I personally don't read any alastor ship fics that don't include the asexual or aromantic tag at this point). Bada bing bada boom, that's representation right there!

Since Alastor is one of very, very few ace characters in mainstream media, and even less aro characters in media period, us as a fandom creating good representation with him is really important, especially in terms of the breadth of aspec identities. We don't get much representation, so claiming he's definitively one label or another isn't productive, and hurts the community in the long run. Fanfiction is first and foremost an exploration of canon, so why not play around with what "aro" and "ace" can look like for him?

Case and point, I've seen some incredible ship fics that headcanon him as demisexual and/or demiromantic, and do a great job representing those identities. I've also seen some really good fics that portray him as sex-repulsed, and others that portray him as sex-neutral or positive. All of that is great, and again, even if it isn't directly mentioned: adding subtext, putting it in the tags, and even simply writing the fic with the sexuality in mind does wonders.

Me personally, I headcanon Alastor with the same identity as me; sex- and romance-repulsed aroace, but open to queerplatonic relationships. That doesn't mean fics that interpret him with a different aspec identity are less valid, or are interpreting him wrong. All of it is valid representation.

And that's not even getting into queerplatonic relationships, which is what I put Alastor into for my own headcanons (queerplatonic radioapple fic when). For that, please do your own research, but remember that queerplatonic relationships tend to look different for every couple. They can be poly, include kissing and physical intimacy, or look just like what most people would consider a regular friendship or regular romance.

So, can you ship aroace characters? Sure you can, as long as it isn't at the expense of their sexuality, or more accurately, the representation their sexuality gives to a historically underrepresented group.

That's pretty much it from me, please remember to support aspec fanartists and fanfic writers, and happy (early) aromantic spectrum awareness week for all my fellow arospecs!!

[nepofminspo]

         happy  friday  !  this  weekend  will  be  the  FOURTH  of  many  upcoming  meme  weekends  .  if  you  wish  to  participate  ,  please  TAG  YOURSELF  (  DO  NOT  REBLOG  )  in  the  comments  .  if  you  see  any  characters  tagged  ,  please  be  sure  to  send  memes  as  well  to  ensure  that  everyone  participating  is  included  !  you  may  choose  one  (  or  more  )  of  the  following  to  send  to  people  .  questions  may  be  sent  all  weekend  (  friday  –  sunday  )  and  answered  at  player’s  convenience  .

HONESTY  WEEKEND

with  messages  sent  on  anonymous  ,  your  character(s)  MUST  answer  anything  truthfully  .  however  ,  this  information  cannot  be  used  in  game  and  will  only  be  used  for  ooc  purposes  (  ie.  headcanons  ,  plotting  ,  etc.  )

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑. ♡

⠀⠀⠀below you will find 20 creative questions about family designed to deepen your character building. such questions can also be used as ask meme or pov starters. (  credit:  agronzky  )

What is the dynamic of the character's family? Are they close and united or distant?

Who is the most influential figure in the character's life within the family?

Does the character have siblings? If so, how is their relationship with them?

What is the character's favorite family tradition and why is it significant?

How does the character deal with family conflicts? Do they avoid them or face them directly?

Does the character have a parental role model or do they prefer to chart their own path?

What is the character's most memorable childhood memory involving the family?

How does the character behave at family gatherings? Are they sociable or more reserved?

What did the character learn from their parents or relatives that influenced their adult life?

Are there any family secrets in the character's past that still affect them today?

Does the character maintain old family traditions or seek to innovate and create new ones?

How has the relationship between the character's parents or guardians shaped their beliefs and values?

Is the character more like a specific family member? How is this reflected in their personality?

What is the character's relationship with their grandparents? Do they play an active role in their life?

Does the character feel pressure to meet family expectations? How do they deal with it?

How would the character describe their childhood in terms of family support and love?

Is the character's family traditional or more open to different lifestyles?

Has the character ever had a serious disagreement with a family member? How did this affect their relationship?

How does the character define the concept of family? Who do they consider to be part of their "family" apart from their biological relatives?

How does the character feel about their role in the family? Do they take on responsibilities, do they seek to be the link between the members or do they prefer a more independent approach? How does this influence their identity within the family?

🐝  *  ―  𝑪𝑶𝑪𝑲𝑻𝑨𝑰𝑳 𝑸𝑼𝑰𝒁.

(  credit:  poohsource  )

[ mai tai ]  if they could have any superpower in the world, what would they choose?

[ white russian ]  what would they do if they won the lottery?

[ grasshopper ]  what / who would they dress up as for halloween?

[ tequila sunrise ]  how would they spend their perfect day?

[ californication ]  what do they think is their greatest achievement in life?

[ caipirinha ]  if they could change one thing about themself, what would it be?

[ painkiller ]  what is their greatest regret?

[ moscow mule ]  if they could travel through time, where would they go?

[ dry martini ]  what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to them?

[ tom collins ]  which living person would they most want to meet?

[ greyhound ]  if they could have a dinner with just one person ( dead or alive ) who would they choose?

[ planter's punch ]  how long does it take to befriend them?

[ sangria ]  do they have any special routines they follow every single day? if yes, which?

[ whiskey sour ]  what is the biggest lie they ever told someone?

[ zombie ] do they believe in life after death?

[ margarita ]  what are their biggest pet peeves?

[ mojito ]  what is one goal they are working towards?

[ appletini ]  who do they consider the most important person in their life? why?

[ cosmopolitan ]  what is their happiest memory ever?

[ gin tonic ]  who influenced them the most?

[ bloody mary ]  what would they do if they only had one week left to live?

[ manhattan ]  where would they like to travel the most?

[ old fashioned ]  what would their adult self tell their kid self if they could go back in time?

[ blue lagoon ]  how do they typically react when faced with something they fear?

[ sidecar ]  what type of person are they most likely drawn to?

[ negroni ]  what is one piece of advice they would give others?

[ hurricane ]  which song describes them the most? why?

[ sex on the beach ]  what do they consider red flags in a relationship?

[ mimosa ]  which incident shaped them the most?

[ long island iced tea ]  if they had the chance to redo their life, what would they do differently the second time around?

[ mint julep ]  which was their dream job as a kid?

[ singapore sling ]  how do they react to disappointments?

[ alexander ]  what would they do with one million dollars / euros / pounds / whatever currency they use?

[ screwdriver ]  which habit do they wish they could get rid of?

[ gin fizz ]  do they consider a glass half-full or half-empty?

[ aperol spritz ]  which is one thing they still think about a lot?

[ piña colada ]  how do they show affection?

[ swimming pool ]  what is the most important lesson they've learned in recent years?

[ b52 ]  how would they describe themselves in as few words as possible?

[ daiquiri ]  do they believe in true love? why or why not?

& .˚      found  family  prompts.     

(   it is a very loved dynamic so here are some memes to go wild with it.  these are mainly fluff, supportive and some emotional ones.  to reverse the action prompts,  send ( prompt ) +  ) (  credit:  lavendermemes  )

“   you’re not alone,  not anymore .   ”

“   i didn’t really have anyone before you guys .   ”

“   thank you for everything you’ve done for me .   ”

“   you’re my family .   ”

“   you’re my family,  screw what everyone else says .   ”

“   i now have a life i like living because of your support .   ”

“   you’re the best thing that ever happened to me .   ”

“   hey, i got you .   ”

“   let us take care of you .   ”

“   a fight doesn’t change anything between us .   ”

“   we still care about you .   ”

“   you know you can talk to me about anything, right ?   ”

“   if you need anything i’ll be there for you .   ”

“   you’ll always have a place with us .   ”

“   i’ve got your back .   ”

“   i love you .   ”

“   do you want a hug ?   ”

“   i’m here,  i promise .   ”

“   i’m not going anywhere .   ”

“   are you okay ?   ”

“   hey, [name].  tell me what’s wrong .   ”

“   i’m going to prank [name],  do you want to help me ?   ”

“   you’re one of us now .   ”

actions.

( hug )  -  for the sender’s muse to hug the receiver’s muse after an emotional moment .

( kiss )  -  for the sender’s muse to kiss the receiver’s muse on the forehead, head, cheek, [insert where you want ] .

( bed )  -  for the sender’s muse to join the receiver’s muse on their bed and cuddle after a long day .

( food )  -  for our muses to cook together .

( tears ) - for the sender’s muse to wipe the receiver’s muse tears .

( blanket )  -  for the sender’s muse to place a blanket on top of the receiver’s muse after a hard day / after they’ve fallen asleep somewhere .

( help )  -  for the sender’s muse to patch the receiver’s muse up .

( reconciliation )  -  for our muse to make up after a fight .

( fun )  -  for our muses to spent the day doing fun activities together .

( protect )  -  for the sender’s muse to step between the receiver’s muse and a threat to protect them .

[nonbinaryresource]

This Nonbinary Thing

I wrote this up for someone in the tags who had some questions. I didn't want to reblog because it felt like they wanted their post to stay more personal, but I tackled the questions of "what is nonbinary?", "what does nonbinary feel like?", and "how do you know if you're nonbinary?" I quite like the write up I did, so I'm posting this separately.

.

There is no thing as "exactly" nonbinary because like many other labels, nonbinary is an umbrella term. Some of us use it as a gender identity, but it encompasses a vast array of experiences: anything that isn't strictly a man or strictly a woman.

This includes: no gender, some gender, multiple genders, fluid genders, fluxxing genders, specific genders that aren't man/woman, and indescribable genders.

Nonbinary can be someone who is sometimes or partially a man/woman or someone who is man/woman in addition to other gender(s). It is not totally removed from man/woman. It includes non-binary forms of man/woman.

It can also have nothing to do with man/woman. Depends on the person.

Nonbinary can also be wrapped up in trauma and/or neurodivergency and/or sexuality. For example, autism impacts the way you relate to the world and process information, so many autistic people may identify as nonbinary or specifically autigender, meaning their understanding of their gender due to their autism cannot be separated from their gender. Or, for example, someone aromantic may find their aromanticism makes them so separated from gender (which perceptions of which can be closely tied up to gender roles, amatonormativity, romanticism, etc.) that someone's aromanticism can make them feel totally removed from the gender binary. Etc.

Loosely put, nonbinary is any experience/feeling that isn't 100% only a man or 100% only a woman. It cannot be defined more specifically for that because what gender feels like to an individual is fiercely subjective. It can be impacted by age, race, neurodivergence, sexuality, experience, culture, personal feelings, etc.

So following that, no, there is no clearly defined or easy way to describe a "nonbinary feeling" because it's personal, subjective, and wildly diverse.

There are a lot of ways to figure out if you're nonbinary. I personally advocate that anyone questioning *let* themselves identify as nonbinary for at least a couple of months or more. During that time, don't fight yourself or argue with it. Just let the label sit. After at least a couple of months, THEN return to the question of "does this feel right to me?"

You don't have to know for sure. Besides the fact that exploration is often the only way to figure it out, I am also a fierce proponent of the choice narrative. If you want to be something or are intrigued by it, then choose to be that for a while. See how it feels. In the end, it's not a specific label that matters most. What matters most is your feelings. What makes you happiest? Most comfortable?

Maybe it's easier to address questions like how you want to: dress, present, get referred to as, etc. especially before settling on any label. It's also helpful to remember that life is full of phases. Life itself is a phase. So don't be afraid to try on labels/names/pronouns/titles/etc. as frequently or rapidly as you want.

And know that nobody really knows for sure but it doesn't matter because labels aren't some predetermined category you have to fall perfectly into. They are simply communicative tools. They are vastly simplified specifically so many people can identify with them and in simplest terms communicate their feelings to others/find a community of people with similar experiences. But the actual depth of your feelings is ALWAYS something you're going to want to expand on with the people that it matters to you to do so.

~Mod Pluto

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[writingwithcolor]

Jewish author writing about antisemitism; should I include racism too?

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm a white Jewish person who's writing a story set in a fantasy world with a Jewish-coded culture. It's important to me to explore antisemitism in this distanced setting, and explore what the Jewish diaspora means to me. I have a lot of people of color in my story as well. I don't know whether I, as a white person, should include racism in a story if it isn't necessary, but I also don't want to erase the aspects of many mildly/moderately assimilated cultures that are affected by racism, and I also don't want to imply somehow that antisemitism is a more serious issue than racism, which is obviously not the case. I was thinking that bigotry might be more culture-based rather than ethnically or racially based, but again, I'm not sure how or whether to write about bigotry against cultures + groups based on cultures + groups that I'm not a part of, and people of color in the story would obviously have their own cultural elements. Is acknowledging bigotry necessary?

It's okay to focus on antisemitism

Other mods have important advice on what exactly might be helpful or applicable to include in your story and how. I want to take a moment with the anxiety you express that focusing on antisemitism and not talking about other types of xenophobia will imply to your readers that you think antisemitism is “more serious” than other forms of bigotry. I hear and honor that anxiety, especially since “Jews only care about Jews” is a stereotype that never seems to go away, so I’m going to say something revolutionary:

It’s okay to center Jews in a story about antisemitism.

There, I said it. But I’m not making the case that you shouldn’t include references to or depictions of other types of bigotry in your story. There are a lot of great reasons why you should, because of what it can do for the complexity of your characters, the depth of your worldbuilding, or the strength of your message about the nature of xenophobia, diaspora, etc.

- How your non-Jewish-coded characters react to the things they experience can affect whether they sympathize over or contribute to the antisemitism at the heart of your story.

- How other types of xenophobia do and don’t manifest in your world can help explain why your world has antisemitism in the first place, and what antisemitism consists of in a world that also contains other minorities outside of the fantasy mainstream culture.

- Including other real-world xenophobia can help you set your antisemitism in context and contrast to help explain what you want to say about it.

Both your story and your message might be strengthened by adding these details. But if you feel the structure of your story doesn’t have room for you to show other characters’ experiences and you’re only considering doing it because you’re afraid you’ll be upholding a negative stereotype of yourself if you don’t, then it might help to realize that if someone is already thinking that, nothing you do is going to change their mind. You can explore antisemitism in your story, but you don’t have the power to solve it, and since you don’t have that power you also don’t have that responsibility. I think adding more facets to your story has the potential to make it great, but leaving it out doesn’t make you evil.

- Meir

Portraying xenophobia

As someone living in Korea and therefore usually on the outside looking in, I feel that a lot of people in Western countries tend to conflate racism and xenophobia. Which does make sense since bigots tend to not exactly care about differences between the two but simply act prejudiced against the “other”. Sci also makes a point below about racialized xenophobia. I feel these are factors contributing to your confusion regarding issues of bigotry in your story.

Xenophobia, as defined by Dictionary.com, is “an aversion or hostility to, disdain for, or fear of foreigners, people from different cultures, or strangers”. You mention “thinking that bigotry might be more culture-based”, and this description fits xenophobia better than most other forms of bigotry. Xenophobia can be seen as an umbrella term including antisemitism, so you are technically including one form of xenophobia through your exploration of antisemitism.

I understand your wariness of writing racism when it doesn’t add to the plot, especially as a white writer. Your concerns that you might “erase the aspects of many mildly/moderately assimilated cultures that are affected by racism” is valid and in fact accurate, since exclusion of racism will of course lead to lack of portrayals of the intersections between racism and xenophobia. I want to reassure you that this is not a bad thing, just a choice you can make. No one story (or at least, no story that can fit into one book) can include all the different forms of oppression in the world. Focusing on one particular form of oppression, particularly one you have personal experience with, is a valid and important form of representation.

You also comment that you “don't want to imply somehow that antisemitism is a more serious issue than racism”, but I honestly feel that doesn’t need too much concern. Much like how queerness and disability are two separate issues with intersections, racism and xenophobia form a Venn diagram, with large intersections but neither completely including the other. A story focusing on autistic characters that doesn’t also have queer rep doesn’t imply queer issues are less serious. Likewise, a story focusing on antisemitism doesn’t imply racism is less serious.

I am slightly more concerned that there might be an accidental implication of antisemitism being a more serious issue compared to other forms of xenophobia. Of course, exploring antisemitism alone is completely valid representation, and there’s no need to go out of your way to try and portray other forms of xenophobia. A microaggression or two, or maybe a mutual bitch out session with a gentile but marginalized friend should be enough to show that antisemitism isn’t more (or less) serious compared to other forms of xenophobia.

-Rune

Avoiding racialized xenophobia

I think one thing you have to be careful with here is racialized xenophobia. Are your characters of color getting disproportionately more xenophobia than your white characters? You might be falling into the trap of racialized xenophobia, which falls under racism, which you want to avoid. An example would be “all Chinese scientists are untrustworthy, but not you, you’re one of the ‘good ones.’” Although this is technically xenophobia, it is also racism.

--Mod Sci

In the case you choose to include even small snippets of other forms of xenophobia in your story, attempting to portray xenophobia without the complications of racism can be a difficult process when they often go hand in hand (especially to a Western audience). So here are a couple of suggestions I have of portraying xenophobia without racism.

First and the simplest method is portraying xenophobia between people of the same race. For example, there is definitely xenophobia against Chinese and Japanese people in Korea, but it would be difficult to claim there is a racial component when all of us are East Asian. (Something you might want to be aware of here is intersections with colorism, where even within the same race, lighter skin and other more westernized features are considered more desirable. I suggest looking through our colorism tag for more details)

Another idea is to include microaggressions for specific cultures rather than something more broad. For example, calling Korean food stinky because kimchi has a strong scent is specifically xenophobic against Koreans, while commenting on small eyes can be directed against Asians in general.

Finally, while antisemitism is a form of ethnicity-based xenophobia, it is also a form of religion-based xenophobia. Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus can absolutely be xenophobic against each other with no racism involved. Should you choose this method, particularly if religious xenophobia is only shown in a shorter scene, I suggest you try and avoid portraying any of the above religions as the Bad or Oppressive ones. As a Christian I will unironically tell you that Christianity is a safe choice for a religiously xenophobic character, as we’re far less likely to face backlash compared to any other religion, and inspiration should unfortunately be overflowing in real life.

-Rune

Other forms of ethno-religious oppression

Here is my TCK perspective as someone brought up in diverse environments where there are often other axes of oppression including religion, ethnicity and class:

Racism and xenophobia can definitely be apples to oranges, so creating a universe where racism no longer exists or has never existed seems doable to me. Perhaps in your fantasy world, structures that buttress racism, such as colonization, slavery and imperialism, are not issues. That still won’t stop people from creating “Us versus Them” divisions, and you can certainly make anti-semitism one of the many forms of xenophobia that exists in this your story. Meir has hinted that your reluctance to declaratively show the harm of anti-semitism indicates a level of anxiety around the topic, and, as someone non-Jewish but also not Christian or Muslim, my perspective is as follows: I’ve always viewed anti-semitism as a particularly virulent form of ethno-religious xenophobia, and while it is a unique experience, it is not the only unique experience when it comes to ethno-religious xenophobia. I think because the 3-way interaction between the Abrahamic religions dominates much of Western geopolitics, that can be how it looks, but the world is a big place (See Rune’s comments for specific examples).

To that effect, I recommend prioritizing anti-semitism alongside other non-racialized forms of xenophobia along ideological, cultural and class-based lines for both POC and non-POC characters. Show how these differences can drive those in power to treat other groups poorly. I conclude by encouraging you to slowly trace your logic when depicting xenophobia towards POC characters in particular. Emphasize bigotry along axes of class and ideology, rather than traits linked to assumed biologically intrinsic features. Ultimately, I think recognizing commonalities between forms of ethno-religious oppression as a whole will help make you more comfortable in depicting anti-semitism with the seriousness it deserves without feeling as though you are trivializing the experiences of other groups.

- Marika

Worldbuilding ethnically and racially diverse cultures

As has been mentioned by other mods, I think it’s completely fine to focus your story on antisemitism and not portray other forms of bigotry if that’s the focus and scope of the story you want to tell. My fellow mods have also offered several valuable suggestions for writing about “culture-based bigotry” in general if that’s what you want to do, while making sure it’s not coming off as racially based. One element I can add is that from a worldbuilding standpoint, it will also help to have your fantasy cultural groups be ethnically and racially diverse. After all, this was common historically in several parts of the world, and depending on which cultures you’re basing your coding on, you could absolutely have fantasy cultures in your world that include characters we would read (according to our modern-day standards) as white, and others that we would read as people of color, within the same fantasy culture. All these characters would face the same culture-based bigotry (such as xenophobia or religious oppression), even though they are read by a modern audience as different races.

As a note, the reason I say “read as” and “according to our modern-day standards” is that the entire concept of whiteness as we know it is very specific to our current cultural context. Who is and isn’t considered white has changed quite a lot over time, and is still the subject of debate today in some cases. Your work will be read by a modern audience, so of course, you need to take into account our current understanding of race and the dynamics surrounding it. However, it’s also helpful to remember that our modern racial categories are fairly new in the context of the many millennia of history of humankind, and that they are certainly not inevitable. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking a fantasy culture has to align itself entirely with modern-day racial categories.

- Niki

[aro-culture-is]

Hi, I'm not entirely sure if I'm aro so this ask is basically about that.

I always said that i didn't have any crushes and when I found the terms aro and ace they really fit with me.

But then I thought I had a crush on a friend of mine, so I thought I might be demiromantic.

Then I came across the term queerplatonic and I realised that those things I thought were crushes were probably me wanting a qpr with them, not a romantic relationship.

It's been about two years since the queerplatonic realisation happened? (Wow time is weird) But now, looking back on it, I can't really tell the difference between what I think of as romantic and platonic relationships. Like all the things that people in relationships do: going on dates, holding hands, cuddling and sitting on each other's laps. These are all things I could see myself doing with my closest friends, the ones I think I want qprs with. (also the only ones I'm actually close too, idk if that has anything to do with anything). Apart from kissing on the mouth (which I've never done and don't know if I want), this is all stuff I do with my friends and I can't really visualise how a purely romantic relationship (I'm definitely ace) would be different.

I don't know if my confusion is related to the inherent vagueness of qp relationships or if I'm just not aro. I definitely think I'm on the spectrum, but am I still aro?

hi,

honestly, I'm not a great resource on defining attractions. that's a super nebulous emotion to narrow down, and honestly, not something i can tell you with certainty. that said:

first of all, there is an identity relating to not being able to tell the difference because it's so common - quoiromantic! if that doesn't feel right for you, there's still more. i can give some guiding questions for you to consider.

first of all, I would advise specifically thinking through what are differences you can name. for example, do you reserve the terms boy/girl/etc friend for those in romantic relationships? what sort of intent do you feel like you'd have in situations typically labeled romantic or platonic with certain individuals. do you feel like you'd want to do 'classically' romantic things as your culture/family/etc view it?

secondly... you can always call yourself 'aro-spec' as a specific term. if a situation pops up, you can discuss with that person in that time, and feel it out. it doesn't have to be a pressing "right now" question.

lastly, I want to say that questioning folks are always welcome in the aro community. I've actually never seen such an intense "you are always welcome" vibe anywhere else.

I hope this helps! to see more thoughts on questioning folks and their questions, feel free to check out our tag "am i aro".

- mod alexander

[neon-junkie]

Hey everyone,

This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic. 

As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.

Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.

To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year. 

So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.

Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.

I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.

I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.  

On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.   

Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.

All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.  

It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.

To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.

-RAT <3

EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.

[xfeliciahardyx]

Title: New York City

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Avenger!Reader

Summary: It never failed to amaze you things it still had to offer long after you thought you'd gotten everything it had to give. Maybe just maybe though, it'd give you the heart of someone who was stealing yours.

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: some slight cursing, Bucky being upset because movie nights cancelled, falling off of a building, mentions of alcohol

Author’s Note: Loved writing this. i was listening to I love you 3000 while writing most of this because I have an obsession. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist I have like 7 drafts for several different people. Feel free to request and I hope you enjoy this! Might edit this later....

Your fingers slid down the length of your dress as you peered at yourself in the mirror. The thin silver outline on it caught your eye as it glittered in the light. You had been back and forth in your bathroom trying to make sure you looked elegant. Your make up had been done in a natural but still clear you wore make up way to match the dress that now covered your body. The black and golden dress was beautiful on you. It made your body look more defined than it really was and in a way you knew it would catch eyes. Your makeup was simple with some shimmery gold eye shadow and your favorite choice of lipstick. This was your banquet and you were determined to be on your best behavior. You were an Avenger now and you had to act like it. Never before had you had parties thrown for you in your honor. You preferred the smaller things life had to offer and would have been fine with a slap on the ass and gone about your way, but Tony had insisted. Being one of the kindest but snippy people Tony allowed close to him, it took a few days to convince you. You were a natural person and money didn't mean that much to you. You didn't want a huge ball in your honor, after all you had always wanted to help people. Just because you were doing it with an official tag of brilliance and additional help didn't matter. A nurse with your skill had been running a free clinic long before your skills had caught the eyes of Tony. More specifically Sharon bringing a broken Steve Rodgers into your clinic in the dead of night after an apparent fight. That had been a particularly different night you think back fondly on the memory. Nonetheless, you had patched the whole crew up. After they had left to gather more Intel, the billionaire had chosen to pay you a large sum of money to give them up. Luckily, Steve and Bucky had warned you of this. You had told him you'd need some time for you to contact them. Little did he know that you were going to have them take you with them. Sharon had protested, seeing as she was your long term friend but you insisted. They needed a medic and you weren't completely helpless now that you had powers after the incident with an infinity stone a few years back. The memory of your assistance in helping Team Cap get away makes you smile and Steve catches it as he sits on your bed. Steve and you had grown attached at the hip almost as much as him and Bucky had since he'd gotten back from Wakanda. The three of you got along very well and it wasn't just because of your love for the 40's but because of the protective vibes they gave off around you. You three were a little family in your own way, living on the same floor of the tower. It didn't bother you that most of the time all three of you slept in the same room because that's just how you were. 9/10 Bucky would always fall asleep on a couch and Steve would be sitting at the foot of your bed with his back against it and you curled up in the covers. The thought of the sleeping super soldiers makes you giggle.

"Whatcha thinking about Doll?"

"She's probably making fun of our suits." Bucky grunts fumbling with his tie. You turn around and grin at the super soldier as he wraps the tie in numerous loopholes getting it knotted up. Bucky had been sending out smart remarks all night but by now they had no affect on you. It was his way of showing he did not appreciate your movie night being interrupted. Fridays were always your chill day with them. It had been a bummer when Tony had scheduled the event for the upcoming Friday which had not gone down well. Steve leaned back on his elbows on your neatly made bed and sighed loudly earning a glare from Bucky.

"You know we could actually leave if you were to help me Steve." Bucky says making Steve chuckle. Even as you had gotten dressed in the bathroom the two had been arguing about how to put the ties on. Steve had just watched a video and it clicked automatically. His bow tie sat neat underneath his collar and he was ready to go about 30 minutes ago. This had infuriated an already annoyed Bucky that was being forced to go to a ball when he hated interaction with people. Bucky on the other hand had chosen a regular tie, which was clearly not a good option with his temper slowly taking a rise. You walked over to the brown haired super soldier with a smile and stepped in front of the mirror facing him. His eyes grazed over your hair and he raised an eyebrow.

"You clean up nice." he murmured as your hands took the cloth from his fingers. You blushed at the deepness of his voice as the directions from the video he had in his hand sounded through your room. You watched the man carefully before attempting to even try. His eyes softened in you presence and you knew he was calming down.

"I'm glad you noticed Buck." You wink and he chuckles as you pull the cloth through a loop. You don't see how Steve got it so fast and it does take you a few tries to get it. After many knots and undoings you finally pull the last piece through the loop and Bucky throws a fist in the air in triumph. You and Steve start to laugh as Bucky starts muttering choice words about the man in the video. You shift the small piece behind the longer one and place it in the center of the collar before pulling away to access your work. Once you're done fiddling with it you step to the side of him and place a hand on his shoulder as he eyes the tie.

"Thank you Y/n. What a true friend you are." he drags out the sentence turning to look at an amused Steve. Steve laughs in response standing up from the bed to make his way over presumably to tease his friend. You walk over to the bathroom door as the two begin to bicker like a married couple as Bucky tries to undo Steve's bow. You look back and shake your head at what you see. Bucky's trying to hold Steve down to undo his bow tie and Steve is laughing his ass off as he keeps pushing his hand away. You yell at them to stop and they look over at you like puppies who got caught doing something bad. You chuckle and walk away to grab your purse that matches with your dress. It's a small thing that only holds some chapstick and your wallet in case you all went out for food. You always made it a point to bring your own money, although you knew everyone insisted they pay for you, but you wanted to pay for yourself. It was just a thing you always made sure everyone knew.

"You ready Y/n?" Steve calls out as you walk back into the room. The two are smoothing out each other's suits as if you hadn't just seen them wrestling on the bed. You run a hand over your hair and shoot them a million dollar smile that is quickly returned.

"Let's do this shit."

~~~~

You coo at the room as you walk in on Steve and Bucky's arms. The brown wooden doors were opened so that people could walk in freely. The place is huge and covered in gold decorations with accents of white and black all around. It strikes you as odd for a moment before the memory of the text message from Wanda wondering what dress you would be wearing. She had played it off as if she needed clothing advice but something else had told you that wasn't the entire truth. Clearly she had wanted the party decorations to match you and you silently thank yourself for not changing the dress last minute. You were practically glowing as you entered the amber lit room with waiters walking around with platters of champagne. A rush of nerves ran through you and you started to get anxiety. You felt severely out of place as such gorgeous things were never in your sights. Never had you been to something as expensive and exquisite as this event. It was a wonder you didn't start guessing the price tags on anything in here because it for sure was probably triple your net worth. Apparently your face showed how you were feeling because Steve's arm nudged you, causing you to look at him.

"It takes some getting used to, believe me. " he says softly earning a firm nod from Bucky. They begin leading you into the room against your mind's warnings and you suck in a breath as your eyes scan the room. You catch the glances of a few strangers that you don't recognize and quickly move onto the next person to avoid any awkward moments. To say that sociable events were not your thing was an understatement. You avoided them as much as you could. Dragging on a conversation that no one wanted to be a part of was not your expertise. They all looked professional dressed and so... put together. Your life had always been a mess from childhood to where you stood right now so the fake laughter and fake smiles wasn't something you looked forward to. The dance was gigantic but beautiful at the same time. Streamers decorated the ceiling. A gold chandelier hung from the middle of it where people danced below it. Music plays from a small orchestra in the corner of the room. It's small, only consisting of a few members, yet the music reaches all over the room. Everyone's dressed in black or white clothing and you don't spot another person with gold on. You figure that Tony wanted to make you the center of attention which wasn't your favorite decision of the party but you were not one to complain. After all he had put this together for your sake so it would have been rude to have anything but good things to say about it. The billionaire catches your eye and you let out a sigh of relief. You hadn't found anyone you had recognized and seeing him beside Pepper was an amazing feeling. you spy him standing by Pepper looking around the room. You nudge your friends who hold your arms hostage in their direction and the three of you skirt around the dance floor. It's particularly abandoned except for a couple that slow dances close together. The man leans into her ear and says something to make her throw her head back and laugh. You feel a tug at your heartstrings as you pass by wishing you had someone to do that with.

"Y/n. You look beautiful!" Pepper greets you with a squeal. You pull your arms out of Bucky's and Steve and wrap your arms around her. She returns the hug and you smile as you pull away. She's wearing a navy blue dress that looks almost black until she lets the light hit her at a certain angle. It makes her long blonde hair that tumbles over her shoulder shine and the color in her pops. You can see how Tony admires her when she's not looking. Tony looks over at you and raises an eyebrow at the men beside you. You shrug in response and his eyes narrow. You know what's coming and try not to laugh.

"Alright boys scatter." Tony says shooing the super soldiers away. Bucky stares at him like Tony had just told him we lived in the Matrix as Steve starts to laugh. Tony and Bucky stare at each other and Pepper places a hand on Tony's shoulder in an attempt to catch his attention. It works and he pulls away from Bucky's hard gaze as Steve makes his move.

"Hold on why the fuck-" Bucky begins to protest as Steve pulls him away, complaining about Tony's comment. Steve looks back and rolls his eyes at his companion before shoving a champagne in his metal hand. You laugh softly taking Tony's extended hand that holds a glass for you.  You thank him with a nod of your head and press the glass to your lips. You've never had the brand of alcohol and it tastes a bit like orange zest. You make a mental note to ask Tony which brand it is to buy a bottle later on. Tony tries to strike up polite conversation with you until a gentleman approaches you three. They start to talk about things to do with Stark Industries and you have to stifle a yawn with your hand. Business talk has never gained your interest. It was all numbers and metals and whose gonna get that first and how much publicity can my company get? You preferred more of an action based job. One where you could take all your aggression out on punks who deserved it. You could feel your attention span thinning and you looked over at Pepper in a silent plea for help. You weren't sure how much longer you could take before you fell asleep. You wished you had the social skills of Nat so that you could leave the conversation quickly without making anyone feel awkward. Pepper seems to catch your annoyance because she makes an excuse to go the bathroom and asking you to accompany her. You gladly accept giving Tony a small wave before disappearing into the crowd with her. You clasp her hand in yours and weave your ways through the crowds. In the time that you've been there more people have arrived and the ballroom has started to fill up with more people. You turn towards the door hoping to find a quick exit. You loved being around the people you love but just them. You weren't interested in the fancy decorations, or business talks. Your heart rate starts to rise and you start to take deep breaths to calm yourself.

"I suggest going by the table that holds the fancy foods." Pepper leans over whispering in your ear. You turn to her and your eyes say everything as her hand squeezes yours.

"Go escape alright? Go around the table, you're grabbing something from my car for me. I got you covered. Just don't do anything stupid." She winks at you and you nod unable to say words. You release her hand and give her a quick hug before making a beeline for the food table. Clint and his wife wave at you as you pass by and you give them quick hellos. You were trying not to be suspicious but your anxiety levels were rising and you were desperate to reach your destination. Your mind is spinning with anxiety as the room doesn't hold the same appeal it did before. You can feel the walls closing and you really need to get out of there. The big doors you entered are your salvation as you walk through them heading for the door you'd passed on the way labeled stairs. The heels you had chosen weren't the best of options but at the moment you didn't care. The elevator would have caused looks to be thrown your way and they could possibly track you down. Not like Steve didn't know you like the back of his hand and could easily find you but you just needed a temporary escape. Something to stop the squeezing in your chest. Your dress swished around your legs and you huffed in annoyance as a sharp pain began to form in your feet. You climbed a few more steps and stopped as the pain became too much.  You leaned against the wall for support and began the process of taking them off. Relief fills your bones as you stretch them out and you can't help but sigh. Another thing you weren't really fond of. Sneakers were so much better to wear. A lot more comfortable too you think. You grab the heels, placing them at your side and start up the stairs again. The cold floor bothers you for a few moments before you're running up the stairs and it's long forgotten. Your mind is blank of all thoughts of reason as your only thought is to reach the top. All you want is to feel something familiar and this would be it. You take an abrupt stop as you throw open the steel door leading to the roof. The wind greets you like a warm friend as it blows against your skin. You gasp as all the weight that had been on you falls off and you nearly drop to the floor out of relief. A piece of your hair escapes to touch your face and you can't help the smile that graces your face. You walk out onto the roof headed for your favorite spot. This was your favorite place out of the whole tower. You came here when you couldn't sleep or when you needed a quick escape from a fight. You plopped your heels on the ledge and leaned onto it staring out at the city before you. The lights of the buildings lit up the night and you could see the cars pass by below you. The people that cluttered the streets and the food truck lines. The beauty of New York city never failed to steal your breath away.

"I wasn't expecting anyone else but the company is much appreciated." A voice calls out to you over the breeze that blows by. A part of you is annoyed that someone has ruined your moment of peace but you don't recognize the voice immediately. You turn around in alarm as a figure comes out of the shadows beside the door. His black hair blows to the side of his face and his bright green eyes are focused on you. He wears an all black suit that brings out the extreme beauty of his facial features. He looks slightly amused at your expression of shock as he walks to your side with confidence in his step.

"It's quite beautiful isn't it? It reminds me of Asgard before it was destroyed." he says with a hint of sadness in his voice. You can hear him murmur something underneath his breath but the shock of someone entering your sanctuary has rendered you still. He glances over at your very shocked expression and scoffs. He looks slightly annoyed but as his eyes trail over your face it immediately softens. His eyes take on a kinder look and it's almost as if he's a little flushed. A memory flashes in your mind and you gawk at him as recognition flows over you.

"You're Loki."

"Yes that is my name. And you're Y/n L/n." he bluntly says and your jaw tightens at the snarky remark. You see a ghost of a smirk appear on his face but it disappears without a trace as you stare him down.

"Yes that is my name." you mock him and he lets out a breath of disbelief. Feeling annoyed, you turn away from him and lean back on the edge to look back over at the lights. The lights that light up the night sky, that stay in their rivalry with the stars. Car horns blare from down below and you close your eyes. You become one with the noise and it's a feeling of free flight. One that didn't come quite often to you. Nothing happens when you feel yourself become calm and lost in the noise. in the time that the world disappears you'd never have experienced that with another person. Nor had you wanted to. Usually you took these trips by yourself but something about Loki being beside you didn't make you protest. Lokis' comment comes to mind and curiosity begins to bloom. You'd never heard Thor mention it after the battle he had with Hela. Bruce was quiet those following weeks and no one seemed to know why. You knew it was bad and that they had New Asgard but it had secretly been your dream to see the palace that was fondly talked about. You open your eyes and peek over at Loki and turn away quickly, blushing at the fact that he was staring at you. His gaze had been intense and you couldn't read his face. You wanted to look back over at him without it feeling awkward but you knew it wouldn't. Or maybe that was your rising anxiety. Your eyes travel over the ground where cars are stuck at a red light as others drive by.

"So, what was it like? Asgard I mean." You ask fixating on the point below. He chuckles at your question as his finger lightly taps on the ledge. He doesn't respond right and you have a feeling you know why. It was his home for so many years and to think back on the memories that withstand in a destroyed planet couldn't be fun for anyone. Not even a God.

"It was magnificent. The palace seemed to consist of endless rooms. I remember walking into rooms I didn't even know existed and never finding it again. The halls were decorated with stone and colorful decorations. But the city could never compare to the palace. We were never supposed to leave the palace, me and Thor. Still when I was a child I used to sneak off and look at the different shops and buildings. The people in the streets would be kind and would always offer to help me. It was nice once upon a time to pretend that I was just a boy out getting groceries for his family." he sighed. You could hear the longing in his voice when he talked about Asgard and you wanted to reach out and comfort him. Grab his hand or pull him into a hug. You weren't an overly affectionate person but he just made you want to shower him in love. You didn't see how the Avengers hated him long after Thor had forgiven him. Being a grudge holder wasn't something you were too keen to so you forgave once proved they were worthy of your trust. Loki had saved Thor's life and millions of Asgardians and he was far more worthy than some people in the world. Everyone has their bad decisions in life and everyone learns from them. Don't punish someone because they got off the right path and can't seem to get off the wrong one.

"I used to do the same too. When I was younger I never felt like I fit in. I know now it's because I'm different with my abilities but then? God it hurt to be called a freak. Only thing that got me away was my self-defense class. I would run to that place the minute the bell rang. Pretend I was an assassin." You laugh at the fond memory "Look at me now. I'm an Avenger!" he chuckles as you throw your hands in the air. His voice sends delightful shivers down your spine and you shake your head hoping to get rid of the blooming thoughts about him. It felt strangely freeing talking to Loki. He didn't judge you or feel any pity. He didn't try and solve your problems or explain what you did wrong. The stranger thing was you could actually relate to him.  Shitty childhoods? Check. Misunderstood? Double check. As the list grew longer the more it struck you as oddly comforting.

"I had to get out of there. Anxiety you know?" you blurt out as you fidget with your hands. He looks at you curiously which takes the edge of your nerves off a little bit. He's doing the look again you think. The look of understanding not pity. Your heart warms at being in conversation with him for this long. You had always admired his confidence but from a far.  You would have never dared to talk to him the times that Loki did appear in the tower. It was definitely a highlight of your night.

"Ah the grand ball thrown in your honor. I never quite liked such grand events." he hums as he places his back against the ledge. He leans his elbow over onto the ledge and your eyes wander over his body in an admirable way. The way the suit covered every inch of his body, the way it defined every muscle. He catches your eye as you make your way up and he begins to smile. A real smile and it's not one of the fake one you're so used to. Not the fake smiles you witnessed in the ballroom. No it's a genuinely happy smile.

"Well I agree. I'd be perfectly fine becoming an Avenger with anything but that. Like give me a book or something." you huffed. His eyes slightly widened with excitement at the mention of books before he turned back into his cool demeanor. It was your turn to hide your smile at his actions. Although your face showed that you had not seen the excitement it did in fact excite you too. The prospect of finding someone who shared your love of books?A good discussion about something you loved with someone you cared about never got old. You felt that Loki could be the one to debate about a series with you and be completely reasonable about it. You tapped on the ledge as a wind blew around you ruffling the edges of your dress.

"Ah yes out of all the places to choose why did you come to the roof? I don't believe I've had the pleasure of knowing someone in the Avengers to choose this over the training room."

"Well the training rooms are some place you'll never catch me. It stinks like masculinity in there. Much prefer the smell of New York. Or dusty old books." you laugh brushing off a bug that's landed on your shoulder. You watch it flutter away and turn your head to the sky and the stars shine brilliantly above you. They're beautiful and they twinkle sending your heart strings for a whirl. They reminded you of your projector in your room that Tony had built. It displayed whatever was most calming and almost too often it was the sight you were seeing. The library was beautiful as well but something about the rooftop could never let it beat it. It was your safe place and a whole other world you hoped you could get lost in one day. A place you could dive into and be free.

"I mostly come up here for this though." You push away from the ledge and run into the middle of the rooftop. You can't help the smile that comes to your face. You didn't know where the burst of adrenaline came from or the fact that you were going to show him. He watches you  as you race across the rooftop reaching your specific point. The wind has picked up speed and you look over at Loki as your dress and hair fight the wind.  You put on the biggest show of giving him a curtsy before giving him a two fingered salute. He shakes his head as you see his chest quake with quiet laughter.

"All for one and one for all!" You let out a yell of triumph before running full speed at where you previously stood. Loki's eyes widen in horror  as you jump over the ledge and into the air where your body flips so that you're falling down with your back to the ground. The sound of the city consumes your senses for a moment and you close your eyes. The wind messes your hair up and you don't care because you're free falling. You laugh as the wind takes your breath away as your hands glow a deep maroon. That one moment of tranquility where you felt the world stop around you was an added bonus of your roof adventures. Your fall slows to a stop and you're standing on air. This part was your favorite. You looked up at the rooftop where Loki peered down a look of pure horror on his face. You chuckle as you summon enough energy to shoot up the side of the blue building. You twirl in the air as your energy leaves trails of your power as you fly. You scream into the wind as you pass a startled Loki and you're headed for the stars. Sometimes you try and reach the clouds and hope you'll find a whole new world waiting for you. You stop as the city's lights blink beneath you. You're so far up that you can't see Loki and a stripe of panic fills you. What if you worried him too much? He probably was freaking out on the roof waiting for you to fall to your death. Without another thought you tip your body and drop. The building becomes bigger as you fall back to your waiting God. You reach the top of the building and land safely seated on the ledge. Your feet dangle off the side of the building and you look down and see cars have stopped in the middle of the street peering up at what's happened. You knew it was an insane thing to do but the adrenaline kept you running all night. The feeling of being in the quiet of the clouds, the sense that you're not unstoppable was an amazing, calming experience. It gave you confidence and made you feel human when your ego got too high.

"Midguardian's are extremely concerning." Loki murmurs as he shifts to your side. You look over your shoulder and gin down at him as he chuckles. He lifts himself onto the roof ledge and fixes himself so he sits beside you. You didn't expect him to sit so close but he did and his hand reached over yours as he looked into the starry night sky. You didn't move your hand away from underneath his. It felt right to feel his skin against yours and it was just as calming as staring into the stars. His body next to yours felt otherworldly and made you wonder if you were a prized jewel. His presence was starting to affect you in ways that you hadn't felt in a long time.  The realization that you were glad it was him on the roof hit you like a truck and you smiled once more.

"Could I do something and could you not freak out?"

"Why yes of course I can't control you but if you dare push me off this ledge-" his voice falters as you place your head on his shoulder. You look down at his chest and it's as he's not breathing at all. He releases a shaky sigh and you stare out at the many buildings that cover new York city's streets and sigh dreamily. You were starting to wonder if maybe he was as affected by your presence as you were becoming to his. It makes you rethink your life decisions of escaping from uncomfortable situations. Not everything would be perfect and you knew you'd have to work towards having a better view on life. You loved this city and you loved the people in it. It never failed to amaze you things it still had to offer long after you thought you'd gotten everything it had to give. Maybe just maybe though, it'd give you the heart of someone who was stealing yours.

[granny-griffin]

Hi guys! This post has content warnings for the following: suicide, incest, abortion, politics, and swearing. I've tagged this post for all of the above, so you should add one or all of them to your blocked tags if you don't want to see it. Stay safe friends!

@arists started a conversation with me on this post. I'm making my own post now so that I don't clog up op's notifications with our discussion. I'll post the relevant screenshots here, but I'm including the link so that you can fact check what happened if you want.

#1 (op's post)

Image Description: "A screenshot of a twitter thread. Sarah Chavez writes, 'It's not hard to see what a pro-life world looks like. It looks like a world with a lot of dead women in it." An article is linked, but the url is cut off. Emily Gould replies to the first tweet, saying, '"Amnesty International reports that suicide now accounts for 57 percent of deaths of pregnant femals ages 10-19 in El Salvador." That's what a "culture of life" looks like.'"

#2 (in the notes of op's post)

Image Description: "granny-griffin replies, 'This. Suicide is an evil we have to prevent. But murder is NEVER the answer. I'm not sure how it even became a viable option. We need a better solution.'"

(note that there is a significant time gap between images #2 and #3)

#3

Image Description: "arists replies, '@granny-griffin the only other "solution" is mandatory vasectomies on males but good luck telling men what you want to force onto their bodies. ntm abortion at 6 weeks isn't fucking murder but science doesn't fucking matter to you.' Then granny-griffin replies, '@arists if you want to start a conversation, then I'm happy to talk! you can dm me or whatever! But if you're just angry, then I'm glad you found an outlet and I hope you feel better soon'"

#4

Image Description: "arists replies, '@granny-griffin go start a conversation with the women of texas' Then granny-griffin replies, '@arists I mean. I am a woman living in texas so that should be pretty easy. I'll try to do that sometime soon! It's always helpful to me to hear other people's perspectives on important issues'"

#5

Image Description: "arists replies '@granny-griffin so you're a traitor then? when you see little girls being forced to birth a product of incest you feel better about yourself? you see women who have a dead baby in their body forced to cary to full at the risk of her life and think "nice job me!!" And you've probably never adopted with makes it even funnier. youre an embodiment ignorance and selfishness.'"

#6 (private message between arists and granny-griffin)

Image Description: "granny-griffin says, 'hey I really. don't want to fight you. I know that you're upset. I think we both want to help women in vulnerable situations, we just have different ideas of how that should work out practically.' In a second text, granny-griffin continues, 'If you need to keep venting, you should do it here. That way if you say something you might regret, it won't be in public'"

#7

Image Description: "arists sends three messages. The first one says, 'I'm not venting I'm saying it how it is' The second one says, 'I've dealt with ill-minded christians like you my entire life I know your strategy' The third one says, 'now go back to the post because I refuse to deal with you behind doors so you can appear "holier than thou" by putting on a fake image'"

#8

Image Description: "granny-griffin sends seven messages. The first one says, 'ok we can do this in public' The second one says 'give me until tonight though I've got school' The third one says 'do you care if I make a separate post? I'll copy all the previous stuff from our conversation and the main post' The fourth one says, 'I just don't want to have a whole conversation on op's thread' The fifth one says, 'it would feel disrespectful almost?' The sixth one says, 'like they have their whole point and I don't want to completely de-rail them' The seventh one says, 'but if you aren't cool with moving them then I can come to wherever is comfortable to you'"

#9

Image Description: "arists says, 'go ahead'"

to preface—airsts I'm still not totally sure what you want out of this. You aren't obligated to respond to anything I say—just like I'm not obligated to respond to you. We don't know each other, and this is kind of an unfortunate way for us to meet. Still, I hope we can have a productive conversation going forward. I'll go through everything and ask questions. You can respond to as many or as few of them as you want.

#3:

The only other solution to what—suicide? unwanted pregnancy? incest? Is that really the only other solution? What are some policies you would like to see implemented to deal with each of these?

How do you define murder? How do you define what a human life is? Are there particular scientific facts or theories you make use of in your definition? If you have time, please either explain them, or reference an article/book/other source that does. I would like to learn! But I understand that fact checking is a lot of work so if you're too busy I understand.

#4:

(A note here—my knowledge of the situation is not as thorough as I would like it to be, but from what I know I'm not satisfied with the way abortion restrictions are being implemented in Texas. What are we doing—reporting each other to the secret police or something? Notifying the authorities of a crime is one thing, but why is there a finder's fee? Why are we sueing each other? This kind of thing will only breed corruption and mistrust.)

#5:

Huh, what am I a traitor to? Women? Is there a point of view that is specifically the "pro-women" point of view? Traitor makes this sound like a war—are there sides? are there good and bad guys? Who gets to define all of this?

No, I don't like it when girls are forced to birth a child conceived in incest. What are some ways that this situation could be prevented? Do you think that easy abortion access could ever perpetuate abuse by allowing abusers to get rid of the evidence of their actions? Is providing abortion services to victims of incest worth this risk? (and I mean that as a legitimate question, not a leading question)

(Another note here—I am pretty sure children who die in the womb can still be born naturally (hence the term "still-born"). But again, my knowledge here is limited and my issue with abortion is largely because of the harm it does to the child. If the child is dead already, and abortion is the only way to remove them, then I don't have a problem with this.)

Do you think adoption is the only way to take care of vulnerable children? Did you know that people who adopt sometimes need help raising funds to do so, or need help with babysitting, or need meals made and chores done for them? Did you know that mothers who raise their own children need these things too? Is this an attack on my argument, or an attack on me (ad hominem)?

#7

Sorry to assume you were venting—I should have asked what your purpose was instead of making assumptions.

Okay but do please tell me—what is my strategy? I am curious to hear your psychoanalysis of me and my goals.

Arists, I'm really sorry if I came off as "holier than thou." I'm not a better person than you. I know that I think I'm right—everybody does. But I do want to be open to hearing and learning from your perspective. Even if you don't change my mind, you can increase my empathy, and that's extremely valuable to me.

okay, that’s it! I’ll wait for your response!

[posi-pan]

Have you considered calling yourself bi? There’s just been a lot of bi folks saying that the pan label was borne out of transphobia. Sorry if this is feels like invalidating people I don’t wanna do that, I just wanna know if maybe you’d give some personal insight or smthn on why pan ppl continue to use “pan” instead of bi, esp. since the definition of bi has always included all genders + nb?

i’ve talked about this before, but i’ll go into again.

to answer your question: no, i’ve never considered calling myself bi. bi was never a label i identified with or felt represented by. and it still isn’t. i knew about bi before i knew about pan, and i still never thought “that’s me” on a personal level or even a technical definition level.

i was very much a no label kind of person before learning about pan. and that’s because pan was the only label that i ever saw defined in a way that specifically described how i felt about attraction in regard to gender.

it wasn’t the “attraction to all genders” definition that i related to, and it sure as fucking shit wasn’t some misguided “pan included trans and non-binary people where bi doesn’t” idea. what made me identify as pan was specifically the “regardless of gender” definition.

whenever i was asked what gender(s) i liked, i didn’t know how to answer because i didn’t think about it like that. i’d shrug and say i liked who i liked. and when i look back even further, i never really had thought about gender when i liked someone. so explaining and labeling my attraction based on gender with terms that focused on gender(s) didn’t make sense to me. so i didn’t use them.

and i was never really concerned about having a label, either. like, i wasn’t trying to find one and if i never learned about about pan, i probably wouldn’t have one or would only use queer. but when i learned about pan, i had my “that’s me” moment. because my lack of consideration of gender in my attraction was actually specifically mentioned in The Definition of a label.

it’s always weird to me when people talk about identifying as pan as something we do instead of identifying as bi. because for me, it wasn’t between the two. it didn’t come down to pan and bi and pan just happened to be the one i chose.

bi was never an option for me because i’m just not bi, just like gay or lesbian were never an option for me because i’m just not gay or lesbian. me identifying as bi would feel as wrong as identifying as gay (not wrong as in there’s anything wrong with being bi or gay, but as in being the wrong label for me personally).

people continue to use pan because it continues to be a label that resonates with people. it’s as simple as that. it’s not because bi is lacking in some problematic way.

and not everything is about fitting a technical definition. if that were the case, there wouldn’t be multiple terms for being attracted to more than one gender. there wouldn’t be multiple ways of labeling attraction to one gender. there wouldn’t be multiple terms for little to no attraction.

people need labels they connect with and feel seen by. sometimes it’s about needing a different or more specific definition. sometimes it’s about the word itself. sometimes it’s about other things.

regardless, self-identification is personal, not universal. it is not and never should be about shoving as many people into as few boxes as possible because you don’t like the idea of someone who “could” identify as one thing but identifies as something else.

as for the claim of pan becoming a label because of transphobia, do some research. that’s a topic i’ve talked about so much that i’m not getting into again. some advice: don’t rely on panphobes for pansexual history. might i suggest the pan timeline i’ve recently created, that includes a page on the bi community’s history of including and accepting alternative mspec labels? or my reference tag that has a lot of posts that discuss pan existing as a label as early as the ‘60s and trans/non-binary people’s accounts of pan gaining ground in the ‘90s to combat transphobia? (those things are also included in the more detailed pan timeline). i’m not getting into the claim that the definition of bi has always included all genders, either, because i’ve also talked about that before.

[a-dragons-journal]

my friend made a carrd on kin terms and wants to make sure terms are correct as they aren't that interactive with the community yet being in it for years, the url is kinform. carrd. co ( I am not sure if links work )

- and in case my tumblr messes up again I wanna stay anon

A’ight, let’s go through this!

First off, I want to say: I really appreciate the effort your friend is putting into this, including going to the effort to have other people check their work! It’s a well-organized carrd, and I appreciate that they included a lot of less well-known labels! That being said, there’s definitely quite a bit of misinformation here - which is totally understandable, the misinformation has spread unfortunately far at this point. But hey, that’s why I’m here!

Incorrect info:

- “alterhuman: a general term for anyone who identifies as non-human, whether it be 'kin or 'link” (on Terms) “Alterhuman” is a much broader term than that - “Having an identity that is alternative to the common societal idea of 'human'; a person who identifies as such.” It covers anyone who has an alternative experience to humanity, or who experiences humanity in an alternative way from “normal”. It’s intentionally an extremely vague and broad term - it covers ‘kin, ‘links, ‘heartedness/kith/synpaths, plurality, daemonism, furry lifestylers, real vampires, endels, probably voidpunk, etc.

(There’s a whole conversation to be had here about how the alterhuman community was supposed to get away from centralizing the otherkin narrative but somehow ended up with that being a huge problem anyway, with it often feeling like it’s about nonhuman identity even though it’s not - but that’s a pretty long conversation, so we won’t go there xD)

- “astral limbs: the sensation of a body part that is not there in real life ; not to be confused with phantom limbs which is used by amputees” (on Terms) Astral limbs =/= supernumerary phantom limbs =/= phantom limb syndrome. What you’re defining is supernumerary phantom limbs, not astral limbs/shifts - astral limbs/shifts are where your astral body changes to match that of your kintype, which a) doesn’t always coincide with phantom shifts, and b) requires belief in astral bodies/the astral plane in the first place, which many ‘kin don’t hold.

Supernumerary phantom limbs is the sensation of having a body part that is not and never has been physically present, as opposed to phantom limb syndrome which is referring to limbs that have been amputated. It’s not “appropriating” language from amputees or anything like that like some people have tried to claim - supernumerary phantom limbs is a medical term. Astral limbs isn’t an accurate, adequate, or necessary replacement.

- copingkin: identifying with or as anything under fictionkin or otherkin for comfort and/or coping ; also referred to as comfortkin ~ also see copinglink (from Kin) I would strongly suggest removing this; it’s not an accepted term and pretty much never has been as far as I’m aware. You’re either copinglink, someone who chose their identity for coping purposes, or otherkin who happens to have a psychological explanation, if your identity came about as an unconscious/involuntary coping mechanism.

- fictionkin: identifying with or as a fictional character or race. (from Kin) Remove “with or”; it’s identify-as. If you don’t identify as them, you’re not ‘kin. Identifying strongly with, but not as, is ‘heartedness, not ‘kin. I would also suggest swapping “race” for “species,” if that’s what you meant, since that’s a pretty loaded term out of context.

- otherkin: identifying with or as non-animal/non-human and mythical creatures ; some have their own label such as songkin. (from Kin) Remove “with or”; it’s identify-as, as above^.

- kin is often involuntarily & spiritual, if you consider yourself kin but don't do these, see hearted or synpath (from Kin) ‘Kin is involuntary, full stop, but it’s not necessarily spiritual. Nor is the distinction between ‘kin and ‘heartedness/synpaths the voluntary/involuntary aspect; it’s that ‘kin is identify-as and ‘heartedness/synpath isn’t.

- aeslink relating to anything for aesthetic reasons ~ "i am angel & palace aeslink" copinglink strongly relating with a fictional character for comfort and/or coping. (from Other) ‘Links are voluntarily choosing to cultivate an identity as something else - character, species, or otherwise. It’s still identify-as, not “relating to,” it’s just voluntary where otherkinity is involuntary. It’s not any less serious or any less identify-as. 'Linking or otherlinking is defined as “voluntarily choosing to identify as nonhuman/a fictional character or species”.

- synpaths: strongly relating to a fictional character or race that you see a lot of yourself in, but not as strong as kin. (from Other) Remove “not as strong as ‘kin”; ‘kin isn’t “relating to” something in the first place, it’s identifying as that thing. I would also suggest swapping “race” for “species,” if that’s what you meant, since that’s a pretty loaded term out of context.

- therian: identifying with or as an animal or other living thing. (from Other) Remove “with or”; it’s identify-as, as with fictionkin and otherkin.

Suggested edits:

Things that aren’t necessarily wrong, but which I would suggest edits to anyway for clarity/accuracy.

- awakening: the moment one realizes they identify as a kintype/theriantype (from Terms) I would posit that an awakening isn’t necessarily a single moment in time; much more often it’s an extended process that can take weeks, months, or even years. There’s some overlap between “awakening” and “questioning” that way, imo.

- They also said “theriantype” multiple times where it should be “theriotype,” but that’s more of a typo thing than a content error.

- otherkin: identifying with or as non-animal/non-human and mythical creatures ; some have their own label such as songkin. (from Kin) Songkin is probably not a great example if this is intended for outsiders who are new to the terminology, since conceptkin is kind of hard to explain to begin with, but that’s my personal opinion.

- Cladotherian, therian, theriomythic, and phytanthrope should all be on the ‘Kin page, as they all technically fall under ‘kin.

-  identity/ID, kinnie & kinning won't be added as they are terms created by the more newer kin community and aren't recognized/accepted terms for older kin, though some older kin may be okay with these terms. (from Terms) Personally, I don’t like calling them “the newer kin community” - the “kin for fun” people aren’t ‘kin, they’re misusing our language, that’s the entire point. “The “kin-for-fun” community” or just “terms being warped as part of misinformation” would probably be more accurate.

- Synpath can probably be included on the ‘hearted page, since synpath, kith, and otherhearted are basically all synonymous.

Suggested additions:

- A resources list may be worthwhile! Things like personal websites and perhaps a few trustworthy blogs/posts could be worth adding to that list (I have a kin resources tag here that may be useful to them if they want to do that!) This gives people a place to go if they want to learn more.

- The term otherlinker is probably a good one to add, given that copinglinker and a specific type of ‘link (aeslink) are both present but the larger umbrella term presently isn’t.

Out of curiosity:

not edits at all, I’m just curious, ha

- kintrope: a trait found in most of ones kintypes. (from Terms) I’m really curious where they found this term, it’s not one I’ve heard before!

I think that’s about all I can find - like I said, I really appreciate the effort being put into this carrd! There’s a lot of good terms on here, just some definition fixes that need to be made - it’s well-organized and very aesthetically pleasing, which is more than I can honestly say for a lot of carrds xD

Hopefully that’s all clear enough to be helpful - I’m more than happy to chat further about this or provide clearer definitions/suggested resources, if your friend wants! :3

[nayarablueglasses]

Duo x male reader

a/n: oh gods this is so. anyways this was meant for day thirteen of the @gundam-wing-pride event but certain circumstances have caused me to be unable to post in time for it. the tears prompt was kept in mind for this, i hope it suffices.

word count: 2,059

summary: horrific battles never made you cry, so how did a joke from Duo manage to do it?

warnings: reader is in an active war at first, brief mentions of reader becoming deaf to loud sounds after the battle, reader has a very dry way of thinking, i haven't seen the entirety of the show in ages so i think my timeline is a little messed up

reader pronouns: he/him but comes off as gn

How’d you end up here?

You’d woken up to the extremely jarring sounds of the space station’s evacuation alarms. Considering the immediate panicking masses of people that then flooded the streets, it wasn’t the best way to wake up. Especially when you factor in that your first evacuation drill since the ‘safe space’ had been rebuilt, relocated and refortified was supposed to happen next week. Though to be fair, there were absolutely no signs that you knew of that would signal a a war erupting on your colony.

Honestly? You never were impressed by the Gundams. All you knew about them was that they were starting a war with what a few of the colonies had begun to call the “colony rebels.” The White Fang. Maybe the White Fang had started the war, but you could care less. No matter who’d started this, the colonies- your colony- was caught in the crossfires now.

And it wasn’t like you could trust the Gundams, either. It wasn’t that long ago that Gundam Pilot 04 almost blew up an entire colony because their father had been killed. If that was how the Gundams handled personal loss, your colony could only speculate on the ways they’d deal with the political difficulties of a war. And unsurprisingly, it turned out that they handled it absolutely terribly.

The scariest part was the absolute absurdness of the whole war. Two sides that claimed to speak for the colonies. The White Fang pressed attention on the colonies, while the Gundams remained an absolute mystery. Plus, the individual power struggles claiming the colonies, the Treize Faction war against Oz that was reportedly occuring back on Earth... everybody was misinformed about absolutely all of it, and the best you could do was try to make sense of the chaos unfolding and hope it never touched your poor colony.

But wishes don’t always come true. And certainly never the wishes you make.

Like the wish you’d been repeating back to yourself for the last hour- to be able to come out of this unscathed. Your arm had some thoughts on that.

As it turns out, trying to run through an active warzone to the safe space you didn’t know the location of was extremely dangerous. So dangerous that your arm had been hit with a stray bullet. Right now the main dangers were the footsoldiers firing at each other, but not that far off in the distance you could see two of the Gundams fighting a swarm of Taruses. The fact that they weren’t close was anything but comforting, since you’d seen the speed of the Gundams before on T.V.

Oh.

“Hey- get outta the way! Ya try’na get killed?” A White Fang footsoldier shoved you to the side, presumably trying to help. Instead you stumbled facedown into a very large pile of scrap metal. Which very much hurt your arm and effectively trapped your leg as well.

Fun. “The fuck kinda horror movie is this?” You muttered to yourself. Of course, of course you ran directly into the fray. Because of COURSE that was safer than the opposite direction (which in all fairness had been covered in sharp-looking rubble). That’s fine. You could work with this. What did your uncle usually tell you- take inventory in terms of crises?

You hadn’t brought a backpack with you, so, all you could take inventory on was what was in your pockets. One elastic, a single outdated coin, and fuzz. Plus, a bleeding arm and the bullet you figured was still in there, a possibly twisted and hopefully not broken foot, ringing in your ears... and the clothes on your back. Ok.

So this is how you die? Fine. That’s fucking fine. You had plenty to live for, but fine. Who cares?

“Woah-hoh, what the hell? Hey- hey handsome, you awake?”

A very neon green light pierced your consciousness. Out of habit, you tried to raise your arm to block it out- and then an even more painful, piercing feeling jolted through your whole body. “Ahh-huah- ‘m. ‘m awake now. Ohhh gods. Yeah. ‘m- yeah. Fuck. Who’re you and are you going to help me or kill me?”

“Kill you? Man, I might be the god of Death and all but I’m not going to kill you! You related to Heero or somethin’?”

“Don’t know- ow- who the fuck that is. What’s up with that green light shit> ‘M gonna be blinded if I open my eyes.”

And there the light went. Nice. If this guy didn’t kill you, you might actually survive. Sans your arm. Nobody on your colony could help your arm. You figured that life would be interesting from now on. “Great, thanks man. Fuuuuck. You- you see my arm? Yeah- I’m taking your silence as a yeah. This bitch’s fucked and moving at all is very very painful. So hey random stranger. You strong enough to carry me to the nearest amputator?”

Apparently you were just being dramatic. Your arm would 100% be still attached and your foot would survive. Your ears were… fine. After waking up in a hospital on an entirely different colony station, you learned that apparently, there exists a kind of deaf in which it was hard to hear things that were too loud. Which. You now had.

No more concerts. Meh.

The most jarring of everything was when you discovered that a) you were likely to have either trauma or ptsd and b) the guy that carried you to the hospital in his Gundam- was a Gundam Pilot. 02. Duo Maxwell. He’d brought you to Colony 14 Blue and was now reportedly “chillin’ outside until you get discharged.” with the promise that he’d bring you to the Peacemillion afterwards.

Oh. And almost everybody you knew closely had “likely” passed away in the attack. The therapy for that was going to be interesting when you consider that nobody of your family was on the colony at the time of the attack. Honestly the way they were pressing for you to be evaled made it feel like they were planning to make an example out of your supposedly poor mental state. Unsurprisingly the hospital was being run by the White Fang.

Discharge went quickly. The ride back to Duo’s Deathscythe went quickly. The ride in Duo’s Deathscythe went far, far too slowly. And adjusting to life on the Peacemillion went poorly.

Every now and again, Duo would look for you and, if he hadn’t immediately come from a fight (he passed out on your carpet once due to blood loss after being in a gunfight. Zechs was less than appreciative.), he’d bring you to the nearest colony. Being able to enjoy a day out on occasion was a rarity you usually only got to experience with Duo.

“Ooooi, Duo. Check these out. Tell me these aren’t the coolest gloves you’ve ever seen.” You held up some black fingerless gloves for him to inspect. He’d brought you to a new colony, where apparently a special holiday (complete with fun sales) was happening. Admittedly, some of the people on this station were giving you and Duo some especially strange looks whenever Duo would tug on your shirt or grab your hand to get your attention but like. Fuck them.

“Hey, those look pretty awesome!” he grinned and bounced over, snatching the gloves from your hands to look for a price tag. “To steal or not to steal, that is the question.”

You raised an eyebrow. So maybe the crush you’d developed on this overgrown child of a thief was growing. So what? It’s just a crush. Everything’s going to be fine. “Is the price tag expensive or something?”

Duo shook his head. “Exact opposite. There isn’t one.”

“Let’s just leave ten gilla and bolt, then.”

“...wicked.”

Normally the rides back home were silent and awkward, but after the rather exciting day you’d had, you were feeling especially chatty. Which wasn’t to say that there weren’t still awkward breaks in the conversation. It was quiet, sure, but a lot of things had been quiet lately. Being deaf to louder things tended to do that to a person.

Duo drew you out of your thoughts with another tug on your sleeve and pressed one of the gloves into your hand. “Here. Figured we’d both look badass with just one glove. Plus we match!” He held up his gloved left hand with an air of confidence. He wasn’t wrong, honestly. Wearing his braid the way he did, he already cut an impressive figure, but the gloves really sold the look.

You pulled on the glove he gave you, flexing your fingers to test it’s flexibility. After all, if you couldn’t engage in you and Duo’s elaborate handshake, you might have to ditch the glove altogether. Luckily the glove fit you well- functionality and style alike. Ten gilla spent well.

“Not bad. Y’think Zechs’ll get jealous?” Duo laughed at the idea.

“Doubtful, doesn’t he have Noin to get him cool stuff? Plus, I think his mask and that hair are defining accessories, what else does he need?”

You shrugged. “What gay wouldn’t love these? ‘M already enjoying mine ‘nd yours look more worn in than mine do. Solid fuckin’ proof right there.” Not like you could confirm or deny that Duo was gay. Honestly, you didn’t really care for his specific labels, but Zechs was definitely gay so it just helped further the joke. With his demeanor and his lesbian best friend? Could the flags get any gayer.

“More like pansexual on my account. Good to know your take on gender preference though. This mean I’m allowed to openly flirt with you now?” He leaned back into his seat, throwing his feet up onto the table in front of you and resting his head in his hands.

You raised an eyebrow. “Only if you promise not to ‘no homo’ me afterwards.” Duo pretended to fall backwards, clutching at the nonexistent pearls and acting offended. You two giggled when Sally came in from the cockpit to assure herself that somebody hadn’t just gotten a concussion. To which Duo immediately pretended to have a head wound of some sorts (you suspected he was being purposely vague) in hopes of attaining the candy that Sally sometimes had on hand.

Once she left (leaving you and Duo with strong warnings against fooling around more, lest Duo’s “head injury” get worse; to which you had saluted and replied, “absolutely no promises, ma’am!”) you shared a look with the brunette and tried to keep from dissolving into a fit of laughter. To your chagrin, it was a fail. You were laughing so hard that your stomach was starting to genuinely hurt. Duo was doubled over on the ground, wheezing unintelligible words and trying to hand you the lollipop that Sally gave him.

By the time you had managed to calm down and breathe, Duo was getting into the chair beside you and clutching his side. “I think I pulled a muscle from laughing so hard.”

“Yeesh, ‘m crying from laughin’ so much. Aah, this is what y’do to me.” You joked, wiping away tears from the corners of your eyes.

“Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before,” Duo paused to think. “like, at all! Now that I think about it, didja even cry when I rescued you?” You shrugged again. The battlefield was pretty terrifying and if you hadn’t found it in you to cry from fear… well, you were feeling a lot of emotions during the whole ordeal. Who could really blame you? “Pretty tough that a fuckin battle didn’t even make you cry. Hey- my bit musta been pretty damn good to make you shed a tear!”

“Yeah, don’t let it get to y’head. ‘S just because ‘m crushin on you.” You mentioned casually, testing the waters.

“Full homo?”

“Full homo.”

Well, would you look at that. Now Duo was crying. What was with you two and tears today?

BONUS:

“You’re so cheesy.” You muttered to Duo, who was proudly holding up your guys’s fingerless gloves- which he had sewn a rainbow patch onto the back of.

He smiled, tugging your glove onto your hand. “Mhm. You love it though.”

Sighing, you returned the favour and pulled his glove onto his right hand. “You’re right. I love it. I love you.”

[all works found under the name "nayarablueglasses" are property of nayarablueglasses. please do not repost, claim as your own, or edit. i do not consent for my works to be part of any social media other then tumblr, including having my works be adapted for asmrs.]

[greylunar]

PLEASE do in depth analyses of all of the houses for your quiz I was enraptured reading the gryffindor one and I didn’t even get gryffindor

JUST FOR YOU ANON, I am going to compile the sort of Final Breakdown of every house, in my opinion, that you get at the end of the quiz now. Theres more in-depth analysis of specific questions under each house’s tag on my blog, and you can feel free to ask more specifics of course bUT here is the masterpost of that c:

A Hufflepuff is, unlike a Ravenclaw or a Gryffindor, an internal house. I know what you must be thinking, “how can you be the house of loyalty if you’re an internal house?” Puffs have a small network, Their People, maybe friends, maybe family, maybe friends who are family, maybe an assortment of small pets or animated characters. While Slytherins also have Their People, they have resources and associates to draw from when their bored, whereas the term associates exhausts a Hufflepuff. Spending time with people they don’t love doesn’t ever sit quite right, although they will often do it in an attempt to make folks happy. Hufflepuffs yes, are a house of kindness and of love, but unlike Gryffindors when it comes down to it they don’t have to go out of their way for kindness and love. Gryffindors will seek out situations in which they can do good. Hufflepuffs good is smaller (not lesser) in which they will do as much good as they can for the people directly in their line of sight, but when granted with the great expanse of the world it is easy for them to shrink in on themselves and not be able to cope. That said, they have so much love to give out, and will often want all their love in one place, slightly selfish but mostly excited collectors of people. If your version of the ideal future is a vague image of all the people you love in your house for [insert holiday] that is a very Hufflepuff sentiment. Hufflepuffs, like Gryffindors, are inherent/intrinsic worth folks. Hufflepuffs know who they are, or at least how they define themselves. Their moral code may not be their local government’s law (and actually very often isn’t), but it does exist and is rigid, and puffs won’t go against it unless incredibly pressed. This is a point of contention with Slytherins and Ravenclaws, and even Gryffindors who feel like they have to perform/validate their identity and choices through others. Hufflepuffs are themselves, and no one else, completely and quietly. They love their People. They want to build a home for them. That isn’t to say that puffs are necessarily gentle pushovers. A huge component of Punk and Anti-fascists align themselves with Puffs because they are So themselves and So invested in the safety and well-being of their people and community. Like slytherins, hufflepuffs often know/feel they’re weird, and tend to relish in finding people as absurd and lovely as they are. They will forgive people, possibly too much. But quietly, they will shift the little orbit of the world around themselves to be a little kinder, a little gentler, for them and the people they love. Be kind to yourself. You do not have to be any bigger than you are.

Slytherins are linked to identity, changing themselves to meet their needs and the wants of the world around them. They have specific people that are Theirs, and their circle of Actual Trust may be rather small, even if their friend/associates/resources group is a wide network. Slytherins are tied to wanting, craving, and not necessarily in a bad way or in a way that’s “ambition”. Slytherins are a house made up of people who want something or someone or some goal desperately or are made up of a myriad of little wants, but also struggle with the idea of worth and whether or not they have done enough to deserve the things they want. Sometimes, these wants are secret. Slytherins are often caught up in this wanting and this worth, and cannot see that they are already loved, completely and wholly, for who they are. When you care for someone you care for them with all of you, you are inherently a protective house like hufflepuffs for those that you care about most, and for all your wanting so so so many of you are beautiful creators (the worlds and story ideas slytherins have just roaming around in their brains?? amazing!). My advice to slytherins, if I can give some without being asked hahaha oops, is to recognize that for all the shapeshifting of the self you do, you can be exactly who you want to be, if you just give yourself permission. Who would you be in a dark room without any mirrors? How would you dance? How would you dress, for just yourself? Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to change your life tomorrow. It just means, sometimes, starting in little ways, take back a little bit of ground from the world. “This part is me. This part is mine. You aren’t allowed to have it.” It can be quiet. But you are worth so much, and you are yours. You are just as much of a person as anyone else, and have already earned love, because you never had to earn it in the first place.

Gryffindors believe in innate worth, innate characteristics, sort of your personality is that way because That Is Who You Are. Similar to hufflepuffs in this way, anti-slytherin experience haha. Gryffindors, unlike Hufflepuffs, are an external versus internal change maker. Because of this, they are often more broadly idealistic than hufflepuffs (think range, although they both hold their core values very deeply, hufflepuffs are on a smaller more condensed scale whereas gryffs will spread themselves thinner. Puffs do not have to change the world, rather they create a Home in which to put their world into, whereas a lot of Gryffindors struggle with feeling that they aren’t doing Enough, not Enough good, not Enough love. That the failures of the world are in part because they haven’t done enough to help personally). Gryffindors are very solid with their identity. While slytherins/ravenclaws will see their body/their reflection in a mirror, a scientific fact of life or something they wish they could/can change and shape, Gryffindors (with some exceptions for gender, trauma, and mental illness) tend to be confused that there are answers other than “I see myself in the mirror.” However, Gryffs can be performative, because while they see themselves, they need to be told that they are going in the right direction, they need to be loved, they need to help. Gryffindors will lose themselves a bit in an empty room, in isolation, moreso than hufflepuffs or ravenclaws. They create and change the world around them FOR the world around them, and so the world can look at them and say “okay, you did it, its okay now.” In this way, they are closest to slytherins, seeking validation, seeking a legacy, even though they may not even do it/realize its for themselves. They do good, or they try to, based on how they have defined it for themselves. They will care for you with all of them, if you earn it. They will hold you. But the voice in their head says “am I sure that this is what good looks like. Am I sure that this is enough.” From your friendly neighborhood Hufflepuff, sometimes doing what you need to take care and save yourself is the best thing for the world. Maybe cook something, have a lil dance party. You are an important part of the world. Start small, and love that part the most. You can add on from there c:

Ravenclaws shape the world around them, and create, in order to create a world that better suits themselves and their goals, rather than Slytherins who shape and create/recreate themselves to suit the world, meaning they are an external house, creating and impacting in the world around them rather than in themselves. Unlike Gryffindors, the other external house, Ravenclaws do not feel as much pressure to be seen in a sort of grand legacy or entirely shape the world around them. They give and seek knowledge and creation because, in a very basic sense, they feel like they need to. In a way I’ve said it “I could not write poetry for 30 years and that wouldn’t mean I’m not a poet. I am a poet. That does not change.” But Ravenclaws will get restless if they don’t create if they don’t learn. Their legacy doesn’t mean that the whole world will remember them forever. Its that they will create/make/do something that will matter to even one person enough that they will be remembered. A lot of Ravenclaws feel tied to their Ravenclaw identity because they don’t quite know who they’d be if they weren’t the ‘intelligent one’ if you will. But Ravenclaws sometimes forget that they create beauty every day, learn things new and small every day, without even meaning to. Ravenclaws believe identity is created/forged/remade constantly as information is gathered, and often try to seem neutral, scared of sharing an opinion unless they’ve thought it through completely and are certain they should stand by it. Ravenclaws are often searching, looking for something bigger than them, as almost to prove they are small in comparison. Sometimes the best thing a Ravenclaw can do is realize that all those wonderful books and poems and pieces of art that make you dream of a fantasy world were made in this world. This place, so full of love, that gave them to you in order for you to love it back. A lot of ‘gifted kids’ put themselves in Ravenclaw, without realizing that it was the rest of the world that put them in Ravenclaw, and not something that they chose. If that’s the case, maybe now is the time to ask yourself who is it you want to be? The self is a construct loves, and a uquiz doesn’t define you. You define you. You’re so good at creating Ravenclaw friends. Create you. You’re already magnificent. You’re already worth it. Now its time to look at yourself and give some love to that self, to ask it what it wants to be. You are, more than anything else, your greatest masterpiece.

[dgcatanisiri]

So... something kinda hit me abruptly and pushed me to feeling about ready to snap, so... Have a word vomit. Kinda feels like a greatest hits compilation of  my “another angry queer rant” tag, but I need to get it out, so...

I know I’ve been over plenty about how I don’t feel represented even when I have something with gay representation. How I’d give dozens of Dorians and Iron Bulls to get even one run of Inquisition that properly has my male Inquisitor romance Cullen. How when I look at Mass Effect - this franchise that I love - I can only see how much it hates me for being a gay man who dares to seek content for me. How godawful it is that Gil’s story, a story that is explicitly a story centered on a gay man and the difficulties he faces BECAUSE of being gay, was written by a straight person who ABSOLUTELY does not GET. IT. And how fandom as an entity sucks, because so often it feels like the attitude of the people in it comes across as telling me that my desire to be represented in my media somehow comes in second to celebrating the advances solely for women, that my needs as a queer MAN (the emphasis usually theirs) are less important, because I can still see myself AS A MAN in other characters throughout media.

But... That doesn’t change the fact that this is a very real, very tangible THING for me to grapple with. And sometimes it feels like no one ever, EVER talks about this.

I mean, my go-to example is that after Inquisition dropped, you could not say A WORD in criticism of Dorian without people jumping down your throat, chomping at the bit to call you a homophobe for it. No matter what reason - but ESPECIALLY if you thought he was “too stereotypical” - you got hit with that label. Even if you were gay yourself, it was just your “internalized homophobia” that made you dislike him, or even being biased against the people who genuinely do lean in to the stereotypes, don’t they deserve representation too?!

Well, yeah. It’s not like I was saying they don’t. But that it’s a stereotype means it’s often still in media, still often THERE. It’s not always good representation, but it’s something. Meanwhile for those of us who AREN’T? It just meant further exclusion from the narratives. A continuation of our invisibility.

And sure, one queer character cannot represent every queer person, one individual who embodies one letter of the alphabet soup cannot be everything to everyone under that individual label. But, again, it still means that I don’t get to see myself.

If media representation is a life preserver, then I’m getting pulled out to sea while the lifeguards are busy with people who are closer to them than I am. Which, you can call it triage, cast the widest net to hope to get the most people, but when you’re one of those who are not even able to grab on to the net and use it to pull yourself closer, it’s not helping. And, because they’re focused on those who have grabbed on to the net, your struggle continues to be ignored.

Worse, sometimes they aren’t factoring you in the net they’re throwing (yes, I’m aware my metaphor is getting increasingly strained, just work with me here) because they think you’re not in the trouble they think others are - if you can “pass” as cishet, if you can exist without actively fearing for your safety, if you are the kind of person who can walk down the street and not expect to be harassed because you “present” gay, then you’re not as in need as those people who can’t, who are going to be threatened for existing while visibly queer.

But the truth is that you’re still suffering. I’m not gonna get in to the whole oppression Olympics nature of it all, but there is an element that those of us who “pass” as being “straight-acting” (and, for the record, I think these terms are bogus and bullshit, but I’m using them for the sake of simplicity in getting my message across, because I’m stream of consciousnessing this post instead of going to bed so you’re getting babble and word vomit so that this isn’t playing on a loop as I try and sleep) suffer that... I’m not going to say that it makes it worse, but it does have this level of SOMETHING that is a unique pain that you aren’t going to find from the people who are visibly and noticeably queer at a glance - it’s not just isolation, because this is something that you end up not talking about because no one around you realizes that you are queer, but also this voice in the back of your mind that starts questioning “are you REALLY queer? Are you queer ENOUGH?”

And that’s why it hurts that little bit more, is that much more a twist of the knife, when I see these people who push the “joke” of like “why did they even HAVE male Shepard?” or “the only way to play is as Kassandra.” Because it does reinforce this idea - that there is this attitude of this thing, this character that I was seeing as representation doesn’t matter. So that I take strength in that character, well, that’s just me latching on to REPRESENTATION AS A MAN, and we’re not here to protect your fragile masculine ego.

When all I’m looking for is a queer man like I am.

And sometimes, I don’t even feel like the other queer men I can look to get it. Like, there was that time about a year ago that I looked up issues of queer men in video games, and the three videos I found all got an “...and NOPE!” reaction from me - the first argued in math about how “queer people are a small portion of the population, we can’t realistically expect to be represented equally,” even though we’re talking about FICTION, which is, by definition, NOT reality, the second was clearly a cishet who compared not being represented as a queer person to not being represented as a Swedish person, and then a third who first had a thumbnail on a video of “good and bad representation” and Kaidan was the example of bad (so a negative mark against this video to begin with, but I was desperate), only to lead with Dorian as a good example, which... *vague motion above and at the “dorian critical” tag* I staunchly disagree with this stance.

Like... I have to struggle to think of who my role models in being a queer man are. It’s not just who fits my story, but who do I look up to, who inspires me. And, admittedly, the luster for any personal hero seems to inevitable wear off at this point, I’m in my early thirties, and most of the media I consume will have characters who are my age or younger PERIOD, so my queer heroes would have to be people I’d consider either peers or even someone who I am older than...

But then, that’s kinda the thing about being queer period - we lost a generation to AIDS, and for those who followed that generation, we’ve had to live in this world where our heroes don’t exist like us, while trying to pave the way for those who come after us, and who can’t conceive of what it is like to age - as in “go from adulthood to middle age to elder,” not just the matter of growing up from childhood to adulthood - and so even as they’re the one who we want to give all of this to... It still means we suffer because no one is there to offer US that hand.

And yet, try to explain this to media creators, and you get ignored or even shut down. Like, I about a year ago, I directly replied to tweet from Patrick Weekes, explaining how Inquisition failed me, how all bi LIs actually HELP me feel more represented as a queer person than the mix of sexualities that BioWare on the whole has said that they intend to do (re: the difference of LIs in DA2 and Dragon Age Inquisition). It got no response, not even a like to indicate that it’d been read by them. I could form in my head the response I’d have inevitably gotten from David Gaider when he still had an active Tumblr of what would amount to, nicest, “we cannot please everyone, enough people were moved by Dorian’s story to make it worthwhile, sorry.” Given some of my cynicism, I can’t help but believe that it would also have come with a “sorry you feel that way.” Particularly considering some of the comments he’s made about Cullen and Kaidan as LIs, both of whom being characters I connect to more than others in their respective games...

And like... Gaider is a gay man. Weekes is nonbinary. But they are from that generation who view being able to exist openly as queer as a revolutionary statement, which... It’s a statement I want to make, sure, but it’s not a revolutionary one to me - “existence” is the bare minimum. To me, focusing on existence as a queer person is to say that the queer character must justify existing as queer in order to be a part of the narrative. But what is revolutionary to me is to give the queer person a story in the narrative that has NOTHING to do with their queerness.

Like... Fantasy world here, Inquisition drops with Cullen and Cassandra as same-sex exclusive LIs, while every other aspect of their stories are the same. Women can’t romance Cullen, Men can’t romance Cassandra. Other than that, we have Cullen with his addiction/redemption arc and Cassandra not just struggling with her faith but even getting the chance to be Divine. Yes, fandom would FLIP. THE FUCK. OUT. But here’s what it says - the things that these characters go through in the course of the game are not defined by their sexuality. Hell, with these characters specifically, you get characters with MASSIVE relevance to queer stories that AREN’T exclusive to being queer - addiction is a real issue in queer communities, given how many of our safe spaces are bars or clubs, places where alcohol (and thus alcohol abuse) is easily obtained, and, by extension, drugs as well. Meanwhile, there are SCORES of queer people who struggle with the question of faith in the wake of their queerness manifesting.

THAT is revolutionary. To take these stories that straight people get all the time, that certainly have meaning as queer stories for the queer audience... And yet, when they go to these (hypothetically) queer characters, it has that subtext without making the story ABOUT their queerness, while still making it clear that, in this version of things, they are queer - players couldn’t pretend that it’s only in some parallel universe that they are queer, they would only be attracted to the same sex PC. THAT is revolutionary.

Or, y’know, take it back beyond BioWare for a little bit here - all the characters I feel the most connection to emotionally in TV shows are straight. All these men who are my role models only ever get shown being involved with women. At most, they’ll get queerbaited as MAYBE being queer, if you just keep watching! Inevitably, of course, they are not queer by the end of the show - the closest to date is the debacle that is Supernatural.

Yeah, there’s representation for ya.

And then there are those who end up looking at what I see as thoroughly inadequate and... They’re happy. They praise it. They look at this thing that hurts me, that excludes me, that can, when I’m in the bad headspaces, even make me question myself... And they have found something they like with it.

Which, for the record, good for them, genuinely and sincerely, I really am glad that someone is getting something out of this, but... Well, see above: life preserver, isolation, “sorry you feel that way.” Everyone else is getting what they needed, but what about me? When does my representation get to appear? Why am I always being left, scrounging for the scraps of the scraps? Why does other peoples’ representation always seem to get shoved to the front of the line, leaving me languishing in the back.

That’s the real thing about all of those lines of “if you don’t like it, go make your own!” At this point, even if I did manage to get something in my to-write folder cleaned up and ready to go, in reality... How am I supposed to feel like anyone other than me WOULD proceed to read it? That the audience would exist? Because... no one seems to care about this audience. Hell, how would I get anyone to publish it if it is only going to appeal to me?

I feel on the margins of the margins, where no one really cares. Hell, even here in my own blog, I feel afraid of backlash - I’ve had the assholes show up in response to like little brief comments that are off-the-cuff rambles, not worded in a way that makes them a full, detailed accounting, and either take them as evidence that I, personally, represent all that is wrong with fandom at large, or that I am a target for their trolling. Because saying that “I find the jokes about male Shepard not mattering to be diminishing of me as a queer person, can we please stop this?” is somehow not just lesbophobic, but VIOLENTLY lesbophobic. Or that saying that I don’t care that bad things happen to a fictional species is somehow advocating for violence against actual women. Or even explicitly calling out BioWare for lovingly lingering the camera on Miranda’s ass is slutshaming her. And of course, there are the assholes who responded to me saying on the BioWare Twitter announcement post for the Legendary Edition that, if it didn’t have a full trilogy male Shepard/Kaidan romance, I wasn’t buying it, and proceeded to a) call me entitled for it (like, read a dictionary, the very fact that I have to call for this content that doesn’t exist in the game proper is the OPPOSITE of entitlement...), b) tell me that I “shouldn’t deny [myself] a great story just because it doesn’t have gay people in it” and c) just generally be homophobic. Even in rolling with it on the basis of “the trolls are gonna show up period if you make it clear that you care about something, especially if you are trying to get representation for some group that is in the minority... It gets exhausting. It can be harmful. It makes it clear that you’re not welcome, even when you’re supposedly united by the fact that you and these people supposedly love the same piece of media.

I mean, among those examples, I’ve given the statements that inspired those responses no tags other than my own organizational tags, but SOMEHOW they find me anyway, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I got accused of like being another White Gay™ with this post, that I simply want to center the conversation wholly on myself at the expense of all other intersections of queerness and other identities or something for saying all of this, even though this is, and it says so from the start, a vent post, which, by definition, is centered on myself because it’s about me and my experiences and emotions. *sigh*

Anyway...

And, y’know, when BioWare actively refuses to even ACKNOWLEDGE that the absence of a full trilogy M/M romance option is a bad thing, it just ends up saying that the trolls are actually the audience they’re willing to court. That Supernatural ending with a brothers only focus that doesn’t even allow Cas to be mentioned other than offhandedly while suppressing ANY kind of emotional fallout to his admission of love says that they don’t care about the queer people who at the very least the actor was trying to be respectful and representative of. That every piece of media that says that to have a queer person in it, their presence must be explained and justified is saying that there needs to be a REASON for queerness, a reason that is not “because people are queer, and queer people come in as many stripes as cishet people, and so media should reflect that spectrum just as much.”

Even when the numbers of queer characters in media goes up, it doesn’t really move the needle. And that’s not even getting to the difficulties when you are any mix-and-match combo under the queer umbrella, or any other identity that intersects to marginalize someone in our society. It just...

Y’know, it doesn’t feel like “it gets better.” Rather it just feels like being stuck in position, just with a changing backdrop. Sure, things look different by the end of the day, but that doesn’t change that you’re not getting anywhere.

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love