#not sure if that's affirming or not lmao
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ruushes · 29 days ago
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incurably da-brained at the moment but missing my creature 😭
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guiltyidealist · 9 months ago
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I just think we should start framing these things in the first person. I am not immune to propaganda. I have implicit biases, in spite of my explicit beliefs, which I need to keep in check.
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hjartasalt · 2 months ago
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Joined my uni's choir to meet my required ECTS for the semester and can now say I am a confirmed bass
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gayabeilles · 9 days ago
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I keep getting this one attack ad on youtube that’s like “Tammy Baldwin is for they/them, not us” and I’m like Eric you don’t have to sell it to me
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grouchythefish · 2 months ago
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Headcanoning Timothy Lawrence as trans really does have some crazy implications depending on what you consider canon in borderlands and I'm a little obsessed with this right now.
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laomelettedufromage · 2 years ago
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Note to myself so I can articulate some stuff out of my brain this evening:
There is a future waiting for you where you will get to see and make new memories with the loved ones you miss that you’ve had to leave behind for the moment and there’s a future where you’ll make many more new lifelong loved ones. It seems so very and annoyingly far away right now but it’s waiting and you will get there. There’s a future where you’ll get to live with old and new loved ones where movie nights are common place and casual nights out and other hangouts and field trips are as expected as you like. Life will still be hard but it won’t be lonely. There will be people who will let you lay on the floor of their bedroom and complain and will come to yours to do the same and they will be within walking distance, either down the hall or down the street. It won’t happen today or in a month or maybe even in three years but it’s there.
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trujellyfish · 4 months ago
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thinking too hard abt how this rise of "mental health" discussion still only seems to focus on the Cute and Quirky symptoms and still demonizes other mental health (personality) disorders
like my carefully curated tumblr space is fine, but everytime i get sucked into insta reels i inevitably see tens of different reels of the same 3 symptoms of autism/adhd
like im glad theyre getting this positive moment but it just kind of fucking sucks to listen to people talk about how they ToTaLlY have a "touch of the 'tism" and ur friends are sending u "relatable adhd memes" so u think u have a little more support and understanding but then u mention how ur struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts and violent/disturbing intrusive thoughts and suddenly everyone's like
😳
whats the matter babe, my mental health problems not palatable enough for you? :/
#told a coworker that some ppl have intrusive thoughts like assaulting ppl#and his face was just like the emoji#'ur not a terrible person'#would u still feel like reassuring me if u knew abt the thoughts i was beating back with a stick?#like i could absolutely use a therapist#not for a diagnosis mind u just for. fucking. counselling.#bc obvs i cant be chronically relying on my friends to emotionally support me#they have their own stuff and emotional labour is a lot and i know that but still#sometimes i just feel like. fuck. like just.#could u just listen to me for five fucking minutes#and reassure me that im not a terrible person#and that everything will be alright#because i can tell myself and do self affirmations but fuck#sure would be nice if i felt like someone other than me believed that too#like i think i could rely on my roomie but she doesnt do physical contact lmao#and i could prob talk to my sis or mum but i would Rather Not plus they would probably cry#and i want someone who's gonna be calm about it hahaaa#dont ask if im back on my meds yet <3#as unhealthy as my childhood friendships were they were also the most honest#we were Very Open abt how fucked up we were#unfortunately we just like fed into each other#but now trying to be honest just feels like a Fucking Joke#and not even in a 'trying to downplay so i dont cry' way#more like 'im not taking this conversation seriously Unless ur crying'#gods i feel like a fucking teenager trying to get ppl to take my emotions seriously again what the fuck#like sorry for being an emotionally unstable 30yo i guess?? are u really gonna try to shut me down abt it??#like who are u my father lmfao fuck OFF#like im fine with the person that i am!!! why isnt anyone else?? im not a child!!!
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chucklechampion · 4 months ago
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if i keep fucking up my kt tape bind and injuring myself like this i wont even need to pay for top surgery my whole chest will be gone lmao
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council-of-beetroot · 1 year ago
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Rambling post
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lightboundhellhound · 1 year ago
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i could’ve added “all of the above” but the last one didn’t have that option and im all about equality lmao
also sorry if the list of words i picked sucks, i tried to find diverse adjectives to use and also ones i liked (there were words like “honest” and “selfless” that i could’ve used but for certain reasons decided against lmao it’s hard to explain why. so i won’t!)
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daybringersol · 11 months ago
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id swap with ron desantis and kill myself in a way that would mutilate the body beyond any possible reswap.
We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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llycaons · 1 year ago
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well that's certainly a reading but like. this was canonically a character kidnapping a lucid, independent adult who at the time barely knew him and deeply distrusted him. and it's really weird to see wwx compared to a child or a literal animal for his (very reasonable!) resistance to being fucking abducted by people he does not trust after a lifetime of alienation and hatred
he doesn't need anyone to feed him or bathe him, he was a very-self-sufficient traveler and a literal genius who can survive perfectly well on his own! and he wasn't even angry at 'the indignity of being loved' he was pissed about having his movements restricted and being forced to stay in a place he disliked with people who clearly thought poorly of him and disregarded his wishes. and it doesn't even matter what lwj's true motives were, it's not like his whims supercedes wwx's wishes for himself. like how paternalistic. but trust an mxtx fan to reframe kidnapping and imprisonment as ~love~
#NOT that needing support or not being lucid excuses kidnapping of course#but the situation just makes no sense presented like this. wwx was PISSED. he eventually came to like the food and stability sure#but it's extremely disingenuous to frame his anger as being upset at ~being loved~#wwx may have secretly craved love and caretaking etc. but the fact that 'protection' and food he didn't like were forced on him#is really shitty? it's really shitty. he didn't have a choice! at least not initially#but he wasn't an animal and he wasn't helpless. he was in danger but as an adult he should have been able to make his own choices#reason no. 9834304 why the drama was better lmao. man passes out wakes up in his bestie/longtime unspoken soulmate's house and immediately#starts having really emotional and important conversations. opening up. listening to music. affirming trust and belief in each other. WHEW#it's never indicated that wwx is being held against his will. he may not love CR but he clearly stayed by choice#and he's clearly really close with lwj right from the beginning#the book didn't need to do this! there are way more interesting and less creepy ways of forcing two characters to spend time together#even if they don't like/trust each other. it made lwj look like a disrespectful and presumptuous asshole abusing his power#who decides he can just be in control of wwx.#because ~he loves him~ or some shit. ohh I'm just remembering how much I dislike novel lwj#boooo cql lwj all the way. AND cql wwx. I haven't forgotten ch 96#and yet. I still won't unfollow this person. the bad posts are still too fun. good posts are okay#cql txp
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4dbeingguide · 5 months ago
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11 tips from a master manifestor.
y’all have been loving my first post and it’s really encouraged me to come back. this time i have 11 tips for you! i would’ve really appreciated a post like this when i was a beginner so i’ve decided to make it for those who may also be starting with their journey. actually it doesn’t matter where you are on this road, this is supposed to help everybody, including master manifestors (yes, sometimes doubts cross our minds, we just know how to deal with them)!
there is a lot of repetition as there are some concepts i want to emphasize on. excuse any grammar errors. let’s get straight to it!
stop giving a fuck about the 3D. that is absolute (as in, don’t check it, don’t wait for anything from it, don’t let it get to you). just stop. i have a post over here that will really help you in doing so (and no, it isn’t me cursing at you while ordering you to stop. it’s me having a discussion with you and listening to your doubts while refuting them and i also back it up with scientific sources).
acknowledge that you already are a master manifestor. you’re already where you need to be. don’t let the illusion that is the 3D tell you otherwise!
if you see a piece of manifestation advice that rubs you the wrong way then simply act as if it’s false and doesn’t apply to your reality. you make the rules.
speaking of rules, make yourself some manifesting rules that dictate that manifesting is effortless and instant for you. don’t settle for less.
keep a success story list (and yes, you can put stuff that you’ve assumed that hasn’t appeared in the 3D since the 4D is the only reality) so that you can use it to reaffirm your belief in the law if you ever doubt it.
never seek approval from the 3D for ANYTHING. it is an ILLUSION. your 4D/mind/assumptions are the OBJECTIVE reality. this also applies to the state of waiting and wanting. why do you want to wait for the approval of an illusion? and what are you wanting when it’s already here?
the 3D is not your enemy and it is impossible for the 3D to reject your manifestation. the bitch is inanimate lmao. have you ever walked in front of a mirror and had it tell you “i’m not gonna reflect right now”? i’m sure the answer is no. the 3D works the same way. it EXISTS to reflect our assumptions. that’s its entire purpose. it is nothing but an illusory perception of our 4D. it actually obeys you down to a T. i was gonna say it’s your pet but pets are actually alive and autonomous, the 3D isn’t. the 3D just an inanimate illusion. your business is in the 4D. that’s where you live.
you don’t need a technique. to manifest, all you have to do is assume you have it or enter the state of having it. techniques simply exist to help you do so (that’s why we affirm/visualize/etc. that we have it) but you can do it directly. that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use them. do what feels most natural to you. do what is the most efficient when it comes to making you fulfilled (not what gives it to you fastest in the 3D. remember, it’s an illusion).
you shouldn’t care if the 3D will give it to you or not. the 3D is an illusion, remember? a simple way to get yourself to put your eyes on the 4D is saying something to the effect of “this 3D/physical world isn’t real/is an illusion, the 4D/mind is the only true reality, i live in the 4D and thus all my affairs are there and not in the 3D and this is what the 4D is saying: (insert manifestation)”. seriously, all your affairs are in the 4D. you’re 4 dimensional.
when doubts persist, reading rants and banging pots and pans might help sometimes but sometimes you just have to sit down with yourself and have an internal dialogue. you’re human (probably 🤔 just in case you’re manifesting otherwise as you read this, and yes it IS possible). hear what your doubts have to say in full (don’t buy it though) and debunk them calmly and civilly.
limits don’t exist. imagination is the only reality. if you can imagine it then it can happen unless you say it can’t.
if you liked this post, make sure to check out my post here!!! in it i elaborate on how to deal with doubts. have an amazing day 🫶
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hannieehaee · 11 months ago
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WANTED U
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18 + / mdi
summary: everything about your relationship with minghao was perfect, leaving you with no complaints. except maybe in one area: minghao's stoic attitude during sex, making you entirely insecure about whether he wanted you as bad as you did him, or if he was maybe just too in love with you to let you down.
content: misunderstandings, established relationship, he's very very in love with reader, he's just a bit backwards, smut, afab reader, miscommunication (shocker), oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, dry humping, mentions of fingering, etc.
wc: 5.7k
a/n: based kind of maybe a lil bit on personal experience but 100% reimagined for fanfic purposes lmao
masterlist | kofi/patreon
support me through a one-time tip! <3
You were absolutely head over heels in love with your boyfriend. There was no way to fight it - not that you wanted to. It was as if his sole goal in life was to love you. He had even told you that before, claiming that his parents had been the greatest love story he had ever seen, and that he had wanted nothing more in life than to find a love like theirs. He'd said that his father had once told him, 'live to love, and love to live', advice which Minghao took to heart.
His father was a wise man when it came to love, even letting Minghao in on the secret that all his ambitions were driven by his love for his mother. Minghao had communicated their entire love story to you soon after meeting. You had only known each other for a short period of time before Minghao confessed to you, claiming that a friendship would not suffice for his heart, which had been taken by you upon your first meeting. He would've respected your decision if you had decided to remain friends, but was relieved to hear your enthusiastic agreement in becoming his girlfriend.
Being his girlfriend came with endless perks. For one, you got to be with the absolute love of your life; a man who was never shy to express his love to you through any means possible. He was also a successful idol, something that came with its troubles, but allowed you to see and support your boyfriend in all his passionate endeavors. He'd spend every free moment tending to you and showing you what it meant to be loved. There was no world in which you weren't completely enamored by the man.
You'd only been dating for four months by now. He had already introduced you to his friends and family, proudly letting them know that you'd be around for a long time, being completely certain that you were the love of his life. Sure, it might've been a bit soon, but the moment Minghao saw you, he knew you were the one. His certainty always made you a bit shy, a reaction which he'd kiss away by reassuring you that he'd never meet a love greater than yours. It was all perfect. You felt at home with his friends and family, quickly growing used to what would now be your forever family, as you also believed Minghao to be the one and only love you would ever come to know.
He showed you love through every means possible. He insisted on taking care of you financially, while also supporting your independent and professional endeavors. He took care of you emotionally, always lending an ear to listen to your problems and lips to soothe your worries. He'd constantly feed you with words of affirmation, almost as if he'd grow sick if he went a single day without you knowing how enamored he was. He'd make love to you ... and that was it on that matter.
Not to misunderstand, your sex life with Minghao was magnificent. There was no form of pleasure the man could not achieve to give you. He had you delirious with arousal with one single touch, making you beg even when he never demanded it from you. As many of his fans guessed, Minghao was just as experienced as he appeared. There was large variety of things he would entertain in the bedroom, never leaving you dissatisfied.
The issue laid in you, truly. Although you were always enthusiastic in the pleasure your boyfriend gave you, you weren't sure you could say it was the same for him. He would always shower you with endless praise and affection in every other circumstance, but while in the throes of passion the most you could really get out of him was a few muffled groans or one or two short-lived praises. You felt as if there was a imbalance in the pleasure you gave one another; almost as if he didn't want you as much as you did him.
You had recently realized that you were often the one to begin any sexual encounter, never having to beg for reciprocation, but also very rarely being enticed by the man himself. You almost felt embarrassed at the realization, having already been feeling a bit off at his lack of reactions towards you during the fact. Was he simply entertaining you out of pity? Did it not feel as good for him? Was he not into you physically as he was emotionally? You knew he always came when being intimate with you, always letting out a lone groan of your name when he finished. It was still hard to feel confident about your sex appeal when your boyfriend never gave you much to work with. You also felt a bit pathetic knowing he gave you the utmost pleasure while you seemingly gave him the barest minimum of it.
Talking to him about it was out of the question. You knew your boyfriend thrived off of healthy communication, but he hadn't mentioned any issues in your sex life, so you felt embarrassed to bring it up. Not only that, but you didn't want to come off as desperate or ungrateful. He was your best friend; the perfect boyfriend. You didn't want to open a can of worms that would have things go awry. So you decided to come up with a plan; maybe test your hypothesis.
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Getting Minghao undressed and ready to fuck you was never too difficult. Just a few kisses and whispers asking him to please take care of you and he was ready to take charge. Currently you were in the middle of it, sitting on the couch as he kissed your neck, pulling breathy sighs out of you as you moaned his name, but received no reaction in return. You decided to act as usual, maybe gauge what got him going and what didn't. So far, he had spoken no words as he simply did what he knew you liked. He ran his hands through your body and kissed you deeply, drawing moans and whines out of you at the simplest of touches.
You felt a bit embarrassed, realizing how easy it was for him to get you going while it was the complete opposite for him. Now on the bed, he ground against you, still making no sound or any other indication of pleasure as he thrusted his hardness against you. You wondered how that felt for him. He was hard, so surely he was aroused, right? Shouldn't that equal some type of pleasurable reaction to the feeling? You weren't able to ponder on this for long, as he suddenly knelt next to bed, going straight to business against your heat.
"H-hao ... fuck!", you pulled at his hair, extremely sensitive to his touch as you usually were.
You couldn't help yourself in pulling at his hair, even grinding against his skilled tongue. You were completely lost to the bliss, moaning endlessly at the pleasure, unlike your boyfriend, whose only sounds were the slick of his tongue dragging against your pussy. If the tables were turned and Minghao was growing delirious on the feeling of your mouth on him, you'd be just as affected, getting off on the sound of his voice moaning out your name. So, you couldn't help but still feel disappointed at him eating you out with no further reaction.
However, the feeling of your orgasm overtook your disappointment, making you forget about any ill feelings and cumming against his tongue. What followed made you hollow out again, though.
He got up from his knelt position, nodding at you and asking a simple, "ready?" before undoing his pants and climbing on top of you, entering you immediately after putting on a condom.
You moaned and whined against his ear, scratching at his back at the pleasure; all things you usually did when he fucked you, but received no reaction in return. He'd give you the occasional muffled grunt, not even seeming like he was holding back, but more like he had nothing to give. It was a conflicting feeling. On one hand, you felt an insane amount of physical pleasure, but on the other, your emotions couldn't help but feel hurt by his lack of arousal towards you. Call you shallow, but you just wanted to feel like your boyfriend found you sexy, damnit!
"F-fuck, Hao! Gonna cum, don't stop. Shit!", it was easy for him to get you there, knowing all your weak spots by now. And it was just as easy for your body to take control of your mind, making you forget all worries as you came once again. He didn't take long to reach you, releasing into the condom with a grunt.
What made it worse was how sweet he was afterwards, calling you his beautiful girl and helping you clean up, only to cuddle you afterwards.
"You okay, my love? Felt good?"
Now, to any reasonable person, this would've been the perfect chance to speak up, maybe let him know about your concerns, but you just felt too pathetic. What were you supposed to do? Force your boyfriend to moan? Force him to give you the reactions you wanted rather than the ones that came naturally from him? You were supposed to accept him as he was, just like he did you. So, you responded with evasion.
"Yes, baby. Felt amazing. Love you."
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You decided to go for a different approach this time.
Within the few months that you and Minghao had dated, you had really only spent a little under two months physically around each other. His job had a tendency of pulling him away from you for extended periods of time, so you were lucky if you ever got a whole week with him. This meant that the two of you would always try to make the best of the time you did get to spend together.
Within those two months of physical proximity, you two had a healthy sex life. You had sex for the first time only two weeks into the relationship, then proceeding to have it very regularly after that. Although, you were usually the one to initiate it.
In order to change things up, you decided to stop. You wanted to see how long it would take Minghao to approach you himself. Maybe gauge what it'd be like if you suddenly took it away. Would he react then? Would it feel better for him if you allowed a short period of time for things to mellow out?
The answer was no.
Only three days after your previous time having sex, he came home from dance practice, greeting you with a kiss. Except that instead of pulling away, he kept your lips connected, grabbing onto your waist to pull you close to him. Things went pretty much as usual after that. No words were exchanged (at least not from his side of things) as he undressed you and entered you while laying on the couch.
It was insanely pleasurable as per usual. His pace was slower than normal, and you heard a few more muffled grunts, which excited you like crazy.
"H-hao ..." you couldnt help but sigh as he angled himself perfectly to hit that sensitive spot inside you. You scratched at his back, arching your back against his chest.
He made no response, only going faster as he clearly realized your end was coming. He held you close to him, caressing your body tenderly despite the rapid movement of his hips. It was all perfect, sans the thing you wanted most; his lust for you. He cleaned you up afterwards, sheepishly apologizing for jumping you with no warning, giving you a quick peck as he said it. The conversation regarding sex ended there, with him expanding about his day and you yours. Had this been progress? You weren't sure.
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Next attempt felt a bit pathetic.
You looked amazing. You needed no confirmation, you just knew it. You had bought a pretty lacy number, exactly in a style you knew your boyfriend would like. You hadn't had a chance so far to really dress up for him yet. So far, you had worn pretty panties and matching bras while being sexually active with him, but there had been no instance in which you really pulled out a whole set for him.
It felt a bit silly, resorting to perfectly trimmed lace in order to see if maybe your boyfriend would show some lust towards you. You even lit some candles, for god's sakes. This had to work, or else you'd feel like the biggest loser alive. You were a bit anxious, to be honest. You had never dressed up for a guy, but you'd heard it worked wonders in the bedroom. You knew the sex itself would be amazing, but you hoped that everything else also lived up to standard.
It wasn't long until you heard the keys unlock the door, which signaled that you should put into position. You had a matching silk robe, throwing it on as if to hide Hao's gift under a perfectly tied knot. He hadn't noticed you upon entering the room, having to do a double take to take notice of your pretty hair and makeup, way too fancy for an usual occasion.
"Love? W-what's with the look? You look beautiful," he approached you with a sweet smile, arms going directly to your waist
"Just wanted to do a little something for you, Hao. Do you like it?"
"Of course, angel. You look so pretty. Is there anything under the robe?", he lifted his eyebrow at you, hands playing with the knot.
"Find out?", you wanted to give him free rein, wanting to once more gauge his reaction. This was all for research purposes, after all.
"Oh ... Baby, you didn't have to do this ... You look gorgeous ..." he breathed out upon undoing the tie on the robe, immediately pushing it off as he ran his hands up and down your body. Yes, this was a good start. An amazing start, actually. He wanted you? That had been just your goal. His breathy sigh? God, that had you reeling.
He seemed to get distracted by the sight of your body being hugged by the expensive fabric, but eventually snapped out of it, shaking his head as if to get himself out of a trance. He kissed you after that, no longer paying any mind to the lingerie, nor to his previous reaction to you. He kissed and kissed you, same as he always did. Your moans against his lips fell to deaf ears, as he did not reciprocate with more moans of his own. You kissed him back, unable to not match his enthusiasm in making love to your lips.
What had just happened? You were going in the right track! He had suddenly just snapped himself out of it, basically willing the lust away. Had he wanted to hold back on purpose? Did you just need to incite him?
You let him kiss you for a while before gesturing for him to kiss down your neck, playing up your moans a bit and pushing your chest towards him. Eventually you placed his hands on your chest, now being a bit more direct.
"H-hao ... Do you like it? Did I do good?", okay, now you were a bit more embarrassed. You had never really delved into dirty talk with Minghao, much less submissive speech. There had never been a need since the man had no tendency to speak during sex at all - sans the times he'd check up on you. You hoped maybe he would react well to it.
"Yes, angel. You're perfect. Let me take care of you now, yeah?"
That was code for be quiet and let me get to business. Or at least that's how you took it. You were disheartened, but allowed him to continue, still enjoying his touch regardless of anything. You appreciated the compliments, but you did not feel sexy anymore. What you were feeling could better be described as childish and dejected. You felt like you'd shown a desperate side of yourself only to be met with nothing in return.
Your thoughts faded away the moment he began to drag his thigh between your legs, quickly drawing moans and cries of his name out of you. Was it that hard for him to do the same? What more did you need to do?
Logically, it didn't take him long to make you cum. You came in your lace panties, still earning a groan out of him upon feeling your cunt spasm against his bare thigh.
"Hmm, baby. Looked so pretty today ... Are you okay? Need me to clean you up?", he gave you a sweet kiss, running his hands up and down your sides in a caring manner.
"I'm fine, Hao, thank you. I, uh, what about you? Are you ... ?"
"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry about it," he smiled at you despite the obvious boner concealed by his shorts, "Get changed, angel. You'll get sticky and cold."
And that was it once again. Your outfit had given you a favorable reaction, but it died off quicker than you expected. You were back to square one all over again.
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You had one final plan. If this didn't give you answers, you weren't sure how to proceed from there.
What if you pulled a 'Minghao' on Minhhao? Would he react if you suddenly became stoic while in his arms? It felt disingenuous, and the mere thought honestly made you feel a little mean, but you had grown desperate by now. It had been months of amazing sex that you were sure was gratifying only to you.
Next time you and Minghao found yourselves in that mood, you decided to lay pliant in his arms; not react to his touches and movements the way you usually would.
It was weird, not letting him know how much you loved his touch. You kissed him back, even held him back too, but your mouth was silent, as was your body. He kissed down your neck, soft hands touching at every corner that usually had your eyes rolling back, but you persisted. There were no reactions out of you, only muffled groans just like his own. You felt some hesitance in his touches, sometimes pausing as he didn't get the desired effect from his actions. He didn't vocalize his concerns, however, only continuing his path as he fingered you. His lips never left your skin as he worked you through your first orgasm.
It had been a feat, truly. The feeling of his lips against your skin was enough to have you mewling for more. His fingers curling inside you usually had you whining his name, but this time the most you could allow yourself to muster was muffled or broken cries as he drew you to completion. Even then he didn't question you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion with the question trapped between his lips. He moved on to undo his pants, prepping you a bit before sliding inside you. He let out the lone moan he always did upon sliding through you, but made no further noise.
You were going insane, toes curling and body completely tense, trying your hardest not to react. It wasn't just the pleasure, but your intense feelings for the man. The way he felt against you and gave you all his love through his touch. You felt like crying at the thought. Which is what you did without realizing. You couldn't help yourself. The love you had for your boyfriend was indescribable, even if you had been dating for so little. He felt the same, which was something he'd always let you know on the tender nights you'd spend sleeping in each other's arms. Right now, though, you felt like shit. It was hard for you to even enjoy his touch, which was a new experience for you.
Minghao must've noticed your cries, which had been louder than you realized, instantly halting his movements and checking on you.
"Angel? My love, what's wrong? Are you hurt?", he pulled away completely, still keeping his arms at your sides in an attempt to soothe you, but pulling his still hard cock out of you.
The sudden lack of proximity only made you cry louder, sniffling as you tried to catch your breath.
"Baby, tell me what's wrong, please. I'm so sorry, I didn't- I didn't mean to hurt you. Where does it hurt. How can I make it better?"
"Why- why don't you want me?", the question left your lips before you even realized, face heating up at your own words.
"What? Want you? What do you mean?"
There was still time to run it back, maybe make some type of excuse about why you'd been crying. But your emotions decided for you, not allowing your brain to formulate a lie before your mouth was opening again.
You took a quick breather, allowing yourself to catch your breath before responding. Minghao seemed to understand this, running his hand up and down your back in a soothing manner.
"I just ... I just don't understand. I love you, Minghao. I love you so much. I want you so much. Why don't you want me back? What do I need to do? I cant ... I can't keep doing this," you had stopped crying by then, but your emotions were still heightened.
"Love? I love you. What are you talking about? I'm in love with you, you know this. Please tell me what you mean? Tell me if you're hurt. I can't- I'd never want to hurt you."
He was now sitting right by you, your legs now closer while his hand came up to your cheek, wiping one of the last few tears remaining on your face. It made you feel like an asshole. He was being the amazing boyfriend you always knew him to be, reassuring you of bis affections while being worried for your wellbeing, not once stopping to care about himself. Meanwhile, you were crying because you wanted your boyfriend to feel lust for you. It was pathetic, really.
"I know you love me, Hao. You're the perfect boyfriend. I'm okay, I just ... fuck. I'm so embarrassed, I'm sorry. I don't want you to worry about me, it's so stupid, I'm sorry, I-"
"Angel, please stop apologizing. Tell me what's wrong. You don't have to be embarrassed. I need to know what you're thinking so that we can talk through it, okay? I'd never judge you," he was sincere in his words, taking on a soft smile as he tried to welcome the idea of an open conversation about whatever was on your mind. It was now or never, you guessed.
You took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact at all costs, "I feel like ... I feel like you don't want me."
"Want you how, angel?"
"I've tried everything Minghao. I've pursued you, I've let you pursue me, I've been loud, I've been quiet. Fuck, I even threw myself at you with stupid lingerie that you didn't even care about, but it never works. You don't want me, and it's driving me insane. I'm sorry, I know it's so stupid. I don't want to- I don't want to force anything on you or make you feel uncomfortable, but I feel so, fuck, I feel so pathetic. Like you have sex with me just to humor me. Like you're giving me something and I have nothing to show in return. I'm so- I'm so sorry."
You weren't sure what you were apologizing for. It was either the embarrassment or the warm gaze that wouldn't leave your own as you rambled.
"My love ... You think- you think I don't want you?"
"You don't have to humor me, Minghao, I already know. I've made peace with it, it's just .. tonight was too much. I tried to keep my emotions out of it, but it only made me break faster."
"Oh, angel," he closed the gap, pulling you even closer to him as he put his palms on your cheeks, drawing you closer while looking into your eyes, thumbs caressing the skin there, "I think I owe you an apology."
"No!", you grabbed onto his wrists, interrupting him before he could continue and separating yourself in the same breath, knowing you could never speak your mind while he held you so lovingly, "You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm sorry. I should've never tried to pressure you, I did this to myself, I-"
"I need you to let me talk, angel, please. I need to explain myself."
"Oh. I- okay. Continue."
"I adore you, my love. You know this. To think that you could ever think I don't want you breaks my heart. It's all my fault, I should've never done this, I- I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I don't ache for you the way you do me. I want you in ways I can't describe."
"But-"
"Let me finish," his hands were back on you, one caressing your cheek while the other ran up and down your arm in an almost sensual manner, "You think I don't think about you every passing moment? That you don't plague my thoughts every day? My beautiful girl ... You're the prettiest thing I've ever had. Holding you in my arms as you writhe under me is the biggest form of pleasure I've ever felt. You- you think-" he took a deep breath before continuing, "You think I don't think about you on my lonely nights away from your touch? That I don't touch myself thinking of you; your curves, your soft skin, the way you cry my name ..."
"H-hao ..." your breath was just as heavy as his by now, mouth dry as you heard him recite his one and every emotion towards you.
"You think you don't plague my mind at the most inopportune moments?", he continued despite your interruption, "I think of you every day. When I'm at practice, when I'm performing, fuck, I think of you when I'm having dinner with my parents. Your body invades my every thought. You beautiful, gorgeous thing. I ... I've had to hold back. Didn't want to scare you away with the impossible lust I feel for you. Every time you let me have you, I have to hold back. I can never fully have you. I don't know what it'd do to me. I've wanted you from the moment we met. I've wanted to explore every inch of your body and make you mine. But your pleasure is my main priority. Always. As long as you're satisfied, I could never ask for more. But to think you ever believed I didn't want ache for you every passing moment pains me. I ... I want to .. Can I show you? Will you let me show you how badly I need you?"
"Please .. Fuck, Hao, please, I-"
He moaned the moment he finally connected your lips, hands going crazy at the way he squeezed and caressed every inch he could reach. His moans against your lips did not halt as you whined desperately at his kiss, relishing in the speech he had just delivered to you. What you were feeling was beyond lust at this point. You felt something you had never before, having waited months for your boyfriend to finally want you the way you did him. You weren't sure if he was playing it up for you, but you didn't want it to stop regardless.
"My love," he finally disconnected your lips, "Going to give you everything. Everything I've been holding back, I- I don't even know where to start."
His eyes could not stay in one place, darting around every inch of your nude body. You had known Minghao to be attracted to you, it was something he expressed many times, but you had never seen the calm man so frantic before. His calm nature was completely gone.
"You can do anything you want, Hao. Just, please ..."
He shut you up with yet another kiss, laying you down on the bed in the process. He dragged his dick against your cunt, groaning at the feeling. You were still drenched from your ruined orgasm from earlier, and he was hard due to your prior interruption, so it wasn't difficult to get the two of you ready for each other.
"Wanna be in you so badly, but .. Fuck, you just feel so good like this angel," he was grabbing onto your thighs by now, lifting them up in order to angle himself just right to drag his cock right against your clit. His eyebrows were furrowed and his face flushed. He was a broken version of himself, with his only purpose in mind being to bring the two of you the most pleasure imaginable. You felt like an idiot for never expressing your concerns to your boyfriend, not imagining that it'd end up so favorably for you. The pleasure you felt at his lack of self-control as he played with you couldn't compare to any previous time in which you'd made love.
He separated himself from you before either of you could come, muttering something along the lines of 'Wanna savor you, my love.' He still seemed frantic, not fully sure where he wanted to touch first or what part of you to enjoy at that moment. He went from kissing your chest to rubbing your pussy with his long fingers. He put you in all positions he could think of to kiss up and down your body, waxing poetic at you repeatedly as he sighed against your skin. The occasional times in which his cock would accidentally grace against you had you burning, wanting him inside you more than anything. Now that you knew he wanted you just as bad as you did him; now that he was fully yours.
"My beautiful girl ... Love you so much. The pleasure you bring me .. You have no idea. How could I ever let you think I didn't carry a torch for you night after night. Is this okay? Is it okay to want someone this badly? To ache for you day and night, only thinking of your touch?," he was finally facing you again, close enough to invade all your senses.
"Gonna have you now, okay, angel? Gonna show you how strongly I feel about you. How you make me lose all my inhibitions."
He entered you with no further warning, letting out the groan he always did, but this time his mouth would not stop running, moaning and sighing your name against your ear, letting you know how your cunt around him made him lose his mind.
"My most beautiful, girl ... fuck. Gonna break you ... I've held back for too long ... Need you every day," the way he was fucking you was nothing short of animalistic, with both his words and the slapping of your skin filling up the silence of the room.
"God, that day you showed up with that pretty set for me? Do you have any idea how difficult it was to not pin you against the wall and rip it off of you? Make you cry as you took all of me until every single drop of my cum was leaking from your cunt? The image has not left my mind for a single moment, angel. Can't think, shit ... Can't breathe without thinking of you," despite his insane dancer stamina, his breathing was becoming disheveled as he continued to piston into you.
You had thought that Minghao had already given you all types of pleasure throughout your relationship, but now that he had finally snapped you had truly reached heaven. And it seemed like it was the case for him too. He was unable to stop himself from telling you his every thought, with his emotions getting the best of him as he fucked into you almost animalistically. His fingers were bruising your thighs as he held you with all bis might; something you thought your soft and sweet Minghao was incapable of doing.
"Hao ... I need .. I'm gonna cum, Hao, please!"
"Yeah? Gonna let me have it, angel? Love when you cum for me. So soft and pretty, all for me. Cum, my love. Cum and I'll give you all of me in return."
The thought of his cum filling you up made you lose control, cumming as your back arched almost completely off the bed. You felt like you'd ascended, being given the most intense orgasm of your life, followed by a warm feeling inside you; the feeling of Minghao's essence penetrating you.
He almost fell on top of you as he finished, breath hot and heavy against your skin.
"My love? Are you okay? Was that too much?," it only took a few moments of silence for him to speak up, showing immediate concern for your limp and breathless state.
You had been more than okay, having never felt more loved and wanted in your life. From his words to his actions, Minghao had managed to make you realize how wrong you'd been all along. It wasn't that he didn't want you, but that he wanted you too much to hold back if given the chance to fully give himself to you. But now it was all out in the open. Now you could finally enjoy each other to the fullest extent.
"I'm okay, Hao. Thank you," you felt shy in the aftermath of it, now fully processing all the words of lust your boyfriend had whispered against your skin as he fucked you into the mattress. You had seen a side of Minghao you hadn't known existed.
"Are you sure? I didn't scare you off, did I?"
"Are you kidding? I've wanted you to do that for ages. I was going insane throwing myself at you!"
He chuckled, booping at your nose lovingly, "You were making my resolve break, my love. Wasn't sure how much longer I could go without going past my limit."
"Could've talked me through it at least once, you know. I wouldn't've objected," you humphed.
"How about I make up for it now, hmm? Let me clean you up in the shower?"
"Yeah? Gonna tell me how much you want me again?", you grinned against him.
"Yes, my angel. Every single day."
a/n: not proofread and i also had no idea how to end it my bad </3
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lilacstro · 8 days ago
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ruler of 5th through the house: your dating styles and your love language (+ a lil moodboard)
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back with another post! I hope you guys were doing good :)) I hope you enjoy reading this post :) lmk!! Did not plan on adding mood boards but felt like it lmao, you do not have to take it seriously at all but I felt like it :)
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Paid readings open :)
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How to find the ruler: Let's say your 5th house is in Leo, who rules leo? Sun. Now find where is your Sun. Maybe 11th? Then your ruler of 5th is in 11th. Hope this helps :)
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ruler of 5th in 1st You could be someone who gives their all while dating someone. You may not date someone until they really really are what you want. You may help your partner reinvent themselves, see things about them they never knew before, but often find yourself losing yourself in the relationship if you overindulge, which is ironical. These matters are likely to be very serious to you, whether you date just for fun or longterm, having that passion for someone is important. You may like attention to yourself, having your needs fulfilled when dating someone, which is good to some extent but must not be overdone :) Your love language may be physical touch and spending time with your partner.
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ruler of 5th in 2nd You could be someone who probably would NOT date until they have something to offer to the other person. Money, values, stability, whatever that is. Your partner may learn from you a lot, a slow energy. I get Ace of Pentacle vibes from this. You may derive a lot of your values from your partner, ONLY when it feels really viable to you, you would not pick up everything. Your self esteem would be important in how you treat the person you date, and you would absolutely slow build your person, treat them with efforts and gifts and everything you can offer. You may not rush into relationships either. Your love language may be acts of service, gift giving :)
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ruler of 5th in 3rd You may have dated in your high school/teen years haha. If not, when you date someone, the relationship feels young, friendly and exciting. You may not like boredom in your relationship, but not say y'all are reckless at all, but someone who you have shared interests to talk about, someone who is down for little things like coffee, or going on a walk. Someone who you feel young with :) Communication is very important and you may flirt a lot as well, words of affirmations may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 4th Ah you may be quick to think about the longterm future with the person you are dating. A lot of love, may introduce them to family or treat them like family real quick. You are someone who gives the cozy, warm, comfortable feeling to the person you date, but you need to look that your efforts are being reciprocated as well, for you may be quick to oversee that and someone who gives too much benefits of doubt :) You may like your relationship to be extremely intimate and private. Quality time and acts of service may be your love language :))
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ruler of 5th in 5th Ah you date someone, to date someone. I mean, you are not really thinking too much and too beyond things until you feel you need to. You enjoy the dating period fully being present, and make sure your partner does as well, and pamper them a lot!! You may love taking them out to fun places, do fun things and keep things light and fresh. Long term commitment is something you may take your sweet time for, but you would be sure that your partner has a good experience with you ! Quality time may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 6th When you date someone, you wanna show up for them daily, consistently. You would not lack dedication and efforts anytime, and would absolutely make your partner feel cared for! I hope you do not do more than what is needed, overdoing stuff for someone just because you love them when the relationship is not in that label/commitment yet. You do not want anyone to take you for granted at all is what I am trying to imply :) You may want to do everything with your partner when you are dating them, but I hope it is done in moderation:) Acts of service may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 7th You guys 9/10 times date to marry. You want fun in your partnerships, but not a fling for fun. Instead, a commitment that is fun and fulfilling. You may find yourself giving a lot of time to understanding your partner and strengthening your relationship more than anything, that is the main priority. Commitment and Loyalty is something very important and absolutely non negotiable. You may find yourself setting longterm plans with your partner as well. Quality time and acts of service may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 8th You may be someone who is actually paranoid of giving their heart at all tbh, but once you do, its strong, dedicated, loyal relationship. You may see a lot of fluctuations, tower moments in your relationships often, maybe a lot of trust issues as well. Maybe you have had experiences of suddenly being ghosted or the connection being ended overnight, but regardless the connection is incredibly deep and transformative and you may find it very hard to move on from past relationships, or people may feel that way about you. Having proper boundaries is important. You may be incredibly invested and present in your relationships, BUT PLEASE KEEP AN EYE AND DO NOT OVERGIVE. Quality time, LOUD love, whatever that means to you, words of affirmations or physical touch, is important to you.
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ruler of 5th in 9th A very jovial and beautiful relationship usually, no matter how long it lasts. You may be drawn to people from different race or culture or ones that are far away from you, but regardless, sincerity, knowledge and wisdom is something very important. You seek learning and growth through your relationships and the relationship may not work if you are not constantly evolving. On a side note, it is possible you find it hard to navigate through tough times of a relationship since you are so used to being happy and things being light and airy all the time. Your love language could be acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time!
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ruler of 5th in 10th One thing I often see with this placement is that, everyone somehow knows or speculates your relationships status, or who you may be dating. I feel you do not lose a track of your purpose while dating someone, and you DO NOT***(edit)seek someone who does not have any purpose or skill or passion they work for. Your relationship must not be the center of universe for someone, and you may feel weird about people who are overly clingy. Your love language may be acts of service.
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ruler of 5th in 11th Your relationships may usually start off as friendships, or having that kind of dynamic may be extremely important to you. You may like people who are ready to expand their world and their minds, and may absolutely avoid orthodoxial people in all ways. You may idealize your relationship and partner a lot, so that is one thing to look out for. You want your partner to feel incredibly comfortable and understood and may be interested in knowing them to minor details, having long conversations. Your love language may be quality time and words of affirmation.
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ruler of 5th in 12th AHHHHHHHHH y'all seek for soul connections when dating someone. Dating for marry? No. Dating for lifetime? yes. May be extremely paranoid from the sole idea of break up I feel. You heal others, and heal yourself when you date people, and many people or one person you date may be karmic before you find your soulmate, which does not have to be all the time but usually happens. It may be hard to move on from someone, and you may dream about them a lot even when dating someone. You may also be extremely lovestruck very easily so please keep that in mind y'all lmao please see things clearly :) Your love language is everything actually.
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jophiel-shakes · 9 months ago
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I know I'm going to be the only person that wants this, but can I please ask for Adam HCs? He sucks but I love him lmao
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summary :: dating Adam headcanons
warning :: none, sex is mentioned
note :: y’all I can’t lie I love Adam he’s so funny
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Adam is a dick and we all know it but him.
Despite that, he wants to love and wants to be loved deep down.
As much as he may want to rave about his hookups and side chicks he craves a life partner.
Once he gets one, he’s quite smitten.
Adam, despite what he may say, is actually quite loyal. One might even say clingy.
His love language is quality time, so he’s basically sewn to you at the hip.
He loves to go out around heaven with you, shopping, talking shit (he loves to talk shit) and getting food.
I can’t lie, Adam has played the guitar at you on a date. Yes I mean at you. Where you sit there and smile awkwardly whilst he serenades you.
He does has a beautiful voice so it’s not too awful.
Mostly your relationship consists of enjoying heaven, having sex, going on dates and then having sex again.
Due to Adam’s previous relationships, he can be quite insecure when it comes to you.
So more often than not he’s desperate for you approval. Especially if he feels you slipping away.
Oh, you can’t hang out? That’s fine, totally fine. Except Adam will proceed to give you an expensive, desperate gift, take you out on a over the top luxury date and most likely follow you to make sure nobody else has caught your eye.
Insecure and jealous is the best way to put it.
But it’s from past relationships, so can you really blame him?
All he needs is a blowjob hug and some words of affirmation to make him feel better.
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