#not sure if my asexuality has to do with my perception either. I find it silly and roll my eyes at it but I'm not genuinely bothered by it

[lieutenantselnia]

This is super random, but I've recently been watching more German movies (I really enjoyed the performances of some Downfall actors and wanted to see some of their other works), and like what the hell is it with 2000s German movies that there's way too often one entirely random scene with someone having their bare ass out😭😂

Of course it doesn't happen in every movie but still often enough that it's somehow noticeable? I'm not sure if it's more of a time or a country dependent thing, but at least in my perception I just don't feel like this occurs as often in more recent movies and series especially in those from the US (like, I feel I'd have noticed if it did because I'd probably be lowkey annoyed by it😂)

[sentientgopro]

On the topic of transness and the whole aroace thing. Idk if I can be of particular help, while I personally am allosexual and alloromantic (I think), I have a weird relationship to attraction (and gender) and I'm also polyamorous, so generally outside of the norm for how attraction works. Plus, I have several connections (partners, friends, a sibling, etc.) who are on the ace and/or aro spectrum. Which is why I had way too many thoughts on this topic, unfortunately none of them scientifically backed. I'm not a sociologist, but interpersonal relationships are somewhat of a special interest for me.

I'm warning you now, this is probably gonna get messy and long (even though I'll try to keep it as short as I can), but I like sharing.

This point might be the most relatable and applicable to your situation. I have a friend who used to identify as agender and asexual (don't remember if also aromantic, it's been years) who then realized she's a trans woman and a lesbian, which was very surprising and weird for her as well. The way she rationalized it was that within her own self-perception she couldn't see herself as someone who would be in a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone else, but gaining more acceptance for herself and her own identity, the idea of her being someone who loves and is loved seemed more realistic and desirable. She's not 100% sure either, though. But there is a possibility of internally rejecting attraction as a sort of self-defense mechanism due to a lack of self-acceptance. That doesn't invalidate aroace identities, but I think both of these ideas can and do coexist.

It may be important to also remember here that first of all, both asexuality and aromanticism exist on a spectrum and secondly that they refer to attraction rather than behavior or desire for tangible circumstances. Asexual/aromantic people can still enthusiastically participate in sex/romance, the main point is that they don't experience sexual/romantic attraction for specific people (or only under specific circumstances if we move around on the spectrum). My longterm partner is asexual (but not aromantic), but will participate in sexual activities with me because they love me and it's a pleasurable activity. They find me aesthetically attractive, and may even find certain behavior or body parts arousing, but they're not sexually attracted to me as a person. In fact, sexual attraction doesn't even cross their mind unless prompted. Another more recent connection is aromantic (but not asexual), but doesn't mind participating in traditionally romantic activities and physical non-sexual affection with me, but just doesn't experience crushes/romantic attraction towards people. The entire concept seems a bit hard to understand for them. They "love" me, but conceptualize it mostly as very strong platonic feelings, as far as I can understand. (At this point it might be good to note that I have the most ironic luck at finding partners/connections as someone who experiences very strong sexual and romantic attraction.) My sibling is on the aroace spectrum, but still desires companionship and partnership (cupioromantic has been used as a label before, but not consistently). Romantic and sexual attraction are all just very wibbly wobbly weird concepts in general, just like gender, honestly. Nothing really matters ultimately, but also it kinda does? It's all very silly how much importance society puts on these things, especially when you deviate from the norm.

You asked "Are there different kinds of romance?" and I raise you "What is romance even?". To date I have not been able to come to a conclusion or been given a good answer to that. Ask 10 people and you get 10 different answers. As soon as you divorce the premises of sexual attraction and monogamy from romance, it becomes nigh impossible to even start to define. For a lot of people these seem to be defining factors of romance (as opposed to platonic love). In fact, my current running theory is that romance, on its own, is a social and cultural construct (especially if you look at historic conceptions of it). Nevertheless, romantic attraction is still a feeling I experience, and it feels different than strictly platonic love or even sexual attraction. Best I can do for a description is give general vibes. I cannot even strictly define it for myself. But I have people that I have romantic feelings for without them being sexual. I can be sexually attracted to people I don't harbor romantic feelings for. I even have romantic feelings for people I don't desire a relationship with. It feels a bit like RGB color sliders sometimes, but I think it's even more multidimensional than that. It's honestly kind of frustrating to me. But honestly, yeah, people are multidimensional and we experience the same concepts in different ways. Which actually leads me to my next point:

Being polyamorous and having people with different sexual and romantic orientations taught me that relationships, at the core of it and once you free yourself from social norms, are entirely customizable and don't have to be perfectly symmetrical. I can have romantic/sexual feelings for someone while they don't have those for me and that's okay. We agree on the activities we want to experience together and the ways we'd like to interact and then it's alright. Of course, it's more complicated than that and you do run into conflict/resentment on the way, but as long as you keep and open mind, stay flexible, and are willing, you can establish and experience great and fulfilling interpersonal relationships outside of the norm. Sometimes they don't last, and that's also okay as long as you do your best to have a good time. What I'm saying is, the rules are all made up. Do what you want. Just gotta find the right people. That's not always easy, but it's incredibly worth it.

Anyway, I hope my messy ramblings contributed something and if not, I'm sorry for taking up your time (English is my third language, so my sentences can get a bit too long, I think). Obviously, my point of view is very colored by my own circumstances (notably non-monogamy), but sometimes it helps to look at things from outside of the box.

Hope you have a pleasant life and that you either find the answers you seek or learn to make peace with not knowing.

Yeah, thank's for the help! If you take a quick look at my profile, youll quickly see Im no stranger to long posts, lmao, I love em.

I do think that not being happy with who I am could absolutely be a factor in this. I think it feeds into a general lack of understanding of relationships. I might feel romantic attraction, I dont understand what that feeling is to know whether I feel it or not, so I based my judgement on desire for a relationship.

But I think the main part of it is a combination of not understanding romance and lack of self respect. Its like, if I dont understand what romantic love is, I cant see myself as being lovable? And to me, a big part of my newly discovered desired relationship is emotional support. So I look at that, see it as a desireable aspect of someone, and know I am absolutely incapable of giving it to other people. There are other examples like that, but basically, I dont understand relationships, I consider what I would want out of one, and dont think I have that.

My main takeaway from reading this is I just cant know yet, can I? Im aroace now, these labels fit now, when I start transitioning Ill do whatever. If I get into a relationship, would it be romantic, platonic, Queerplatonic, etc, it really just doesn't matter, its just a relationship and we'd do what we wanted. I'm getting too hung up on figuring things out that are A. Impossible to figure out before I reach the point where it happens and B. Not necessary to figure out.

As for asexuality, Im gonna tread lightly, but yeah, I think I might be some shade of grey ace. If I was in a romantic relationship already I would almost definately wanna be involved that way.

But yeah, your response was really helpful, thank you! I really just shouldn't worry so much, you helped me realise that.

[aroaceconfessions]

hi i’m here bc i need to rant. warnings for acephobia and invalidation ahead

OK so. i love my family. they’re incredibly supportive of me and i’m pretty sure they’d all kill for me. that being said. the casual acephobia i get from my parents ANY DAMN TIME i talk about my sexuality (or lack thereof) is fucking exhausting and so invalidating and it sucks.

like for example: tonight i was explaining to my brother why i don’t masturbate (basically just saying “i get nothing out of it and i find it either boring or uncomfortable depending”) bc he fell into that stupid youtube nofap trend that’s literally just repackaged evangelicalism but that’s a different conversation. anyways my dad jokingly goes “yeah she’s crazy, you’re just holding yourself back” and it made me want to kill him. haha funny. i’m crazy for not wanting to participate in something that makes me ACTIVELY UNCOMFORTABLE. thanks. and i point out to him like “hey let’s not equate my asexuality [still questioning where i fall on the spectrum but yanno] with being crazy please and thank you” and he kinda acknowledged it but not really. so the conversation moved on and i started talking about my personal reasons to avoid masturbating n porn again and then my MOM chimes in with the ever so lovely “hey i’m not trying to say you’re wrong but have you ever considered that you may just want to have sex later?” oh my GOD i was annoyed the first time but this brought tears to my eyes. i, trying not to choke up too hard, said “yes that’s why i waited for so long before using the label but i’m ace right now and that’s what matters” and attempted to move on. i knew i couldn’t so i quickly let the conversation end and went out to our garage where i cried for like. a solid… idk 10 minutes? 20? i have no perception of time but it was a bit. the “what if you change your mind” has always been the piece of internalized aphobia picking at my brain and it actively kept me from letting myself just be acespec despite the fact that i’ve probably known for years. i think i first questioned in jr high. worst part is they don’t even REALIZE how hurtful it is to say those things. so I have to be the one to educate them and i’m so TIRED of it. i love explaining things but god i should not have to justify my existence to you!!! why does it matter what i choose to do with myself it doesn’t affect you i have autonomy!!!! like. do they WANT me to make myself feel unsafe by “biting the bullet” and having sex when i don’t wanna? of course not! but the shit they say tells me they’re subconsciously thinking it!! it’s so so fucking invalidating and it makes me wanna cry/scream. if even my horniest of friends can be perfectly chill with and normal about my asexuality then my parents can too. it’s not that hard they already knew i was queer before i learned abt this part of it. you wouldn’t tell a lesbian “hey how do you know you’re not attracted to men if you haven’t slept with one” but APPARENTLY it’s fine to tell me “how do you know you’re ace if you’ve never had sex” oh i don’t know maybe because i’m almost an adult now and i have NEVER ONCE FELT HORNY OR HAD A DESIRE TO BED SOMEONE I FOUND ATTRACTIVE ????? CRAZY HOW THAT WORKS I KNOW.

on the bright side i’m forming a plan to set that boundary with them and i got to actually cry out loud which i haven’t done in way too long (middle school taught me to silent cry 😔) so. progress there at least but GOD i’m so ticked off

[yasminbenoit]

Yasmin Benoit for the cover of Unicorn Zine’s SEX Issue (9)

Not gonna lie, I was pretty dang star-struck when I spoke with Yasmin Benoit. She’s an internationally recognised alternative model, academic and LGBTQ+ activist. Yasmin identifies as aro-ace, which is short for aromantic asexual. Through modelling, public speaking, writing and research, she’s shaking up the mainstream perception of these queer identities in massive ways, as well as promoting the visibility of queer people in colour.

U: Hi Yasmin! For those readers who may be less familiar, could you give us a description of what it means to be ‘aro-ace’?

Y: I’m sure you’ll find some people with different meanings, but asexuality is most commonly defined as experiencing little-to-no sexual attraction. Some resources mistakenly say that it’s having no sexuality, or no sexual feelings or desires, but it has nothing to do with that. It’s specifically about experiencing a lack of sexual attraction. It’s a sexual orientation, just one that isn’t really oriented anywhere.

Being aromantic is most commonly defined as experiencing little-to-no romantic attraction. I’ve never been inclined towards romantic relationships, nor do my emotions or connections manifest that way. I place that same energy into platonic relationships. People tend to think that being asexual and aromantic go hand-in-hand, and while it did for me and there is definitely a significant overlap in the communities, there are lots of asexual people who aren’t aromantic and aromantic people who aren’t asexual.

U: You’ve spoken openly about your teenage years, and how friends would ask pretty personal questions about your sexuality before you had discovered the terms ‘asexual’/’aromantic’. Do you think the kinds of questions people ask are shifting now that the terms are more accessible? And if so, how?

Y: Honestly, the questions I get now and the questions I got back then really haven’t changed. The mistakes people make are the same, but since they’re not teenagers, people offline usually aren’t so likely to be as blunt about it. People online, not so much!

Sometimes it seems like asexuality has been caught in some kind of groundhog day.

Like, I can watch interviews that activists did in the media in the early 2000s and the questions they get are the same, albeit delivered in a less politically correct way.

Most people are familiar with the term ‘asexual’ because it’s an old term and it��s been on the outskirts of conversations for decades at least; people just don’t have the inclination or intrigue to look into what it truly means because it’s often treated as an irrelevant aspect of human sexuality. Romantic orientations are still such a new conversation that aromanticism is even further behind asexuality.

U: You’ve achieved a HUGE amount over the course of a few years, from press features to conferences. What is your proudest accomplishment?

Y: It’s quite hard to choose! When you go into things not expecting to achieve much, even the little things feel quite remarkable. If I had to narrow it down, I’d probably say either Prague Pride 2019 or Ace of Clubs in 2019 (that was a good year).

I really like doing the kind of work where I can create in-real-life memories for asexual people in spaces that they wouldn’t usually have.

Prague Pride was my first time working at an international Pride event, I was invited as a special guest and was doing TEDx-style talks and hosting events. It was pretty nerve-wracking doing all of that in a country I’d never been to, so it felt like an achievement that I even managed to pull it off. It was the first time they’d had an asexual special guest and ace-centric events, and it lead to a really big turnout of asexual people and increased our visibility there.  

Ace of Clubs was the first ever asexual pop-up bar, which I hosted during London Pride in 2019. It was a two-day event that provided the only asexual space at the entire festival, we had a panel, a projection screen, food, an open bar, music, games… It gave asexual people the chance to meet each other in person – which some had never done before – and party together in a safe space. So I was really proud that I had the chance to bring that to fruition. People still ask me about Ace of Clubs a lot and I still have a lot of lovely supporters in the Czech Republic! Hopefully I can bring the bar back and visit Prague again in the future.

U: You’ve been dubbed the “main face of asexuality.” How does it feel to be called that?

Y: It’s pretty crazy. It isn’t a position I expected to be in and it took me a little too long to realise that people were being serious when they said that! It’s flattering, for sure, if I think of it as recognition for all of the work I’ve been putting in. It’s also quite a lot of pressure, because people are always looking for me to do something incredible and life-changing for everyone. There’s also a lot more eyes on me, regarding what I do, what I say, how I conduct myself, who I work with, what I post etc, which makes it harder for me to just relax and be unguarded as a member of the community. So there’s pros and cons. But it’s an honour to have that kind of recognition and I do my best to use that attention in a way that’s beneficial to the entire community.

U: A focal point of your activism has been to change people’s perceptions of what asexuality looks like through alternative lingerie modelling – which, by the way… ICONIC. You even coined the hashtag #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike. Since you started this journey, what kind of progress have you seen?

Y: Haha, thank you! I like to think there’s been some progress. I think my modelling has allowed me to discuss asexuality in quite sexualised spaces where it wouldn’t usually come up and bring it to the attention of a different audience.

I’ve definitely noticed an increase in asexuality being talked about in sex-positive communities and I’ve been grateful to have the chance to fill that void myself.

The hashtag has really turned into more of a campaign or movement for asexual visibility. It’s become a way for the community to represent themselves without having to rely on the media to do it. It’s been amazing to see it take on a life of its own and be used on so many platforms, including those I don’t use. I think it’s really helped some aces be able to feel more empowered in their self-expression, based on what I’ve heard. It’s also a series that I write for a website called Qwear Fashion, where I interview ace people about their stories and style! It’s on it’s tenth edition now.

U: What does you-time look like for you? What do you do in your spare time – if you have any spare time?!

Y: When your work isn’t structured in a typical 9-5 way, it can be particularly hard to switch off. Spare time often just feels like time when I should be doing something constructive, whether it’s doing extra work on a project or finally answering my Instagram comments. I’m probably spending it playing far too much Sims 4, reading some history book, going out for something to eat or wandering around a forest in the countryside somewhere. The last one really is a treat.

U: So on top of all the other things you’re doing,you’re also a researcher at California State University. Tell us a bit about the sort of research you’re carrying out and the headway that’s happening there.

Y: There’s a researcher at California State University, San Bernardino conducting research into families and relationships among asexual people, I’m part of the research advisory board and their research team. I do the coding and analysis for the transcribed interviews. I was always interested in the academic side of asexuality activism and I’m definitely hoping to get my name on a research paper someday. This is my way of dipping my toes in. And to anyone reading this and thinking, ‘Why get a model to do research?’ I have an MSc Crime Science degree and a BSc Sociology degree, so it’s actually right up my alley!

U: What advice would you give those who are questioning their sexuality based on your experiences?

Y: I guess first and foremost, I’d say that

sexuality isn’t as black and white as we often think it is.

Every single person’s sexuality is different, multi-layered and fluid to some degree. When we’re talking about our sexual orientation, romantic orientation, desire, libido, arousal, preferences, all of those things – there is no blueprint, despite what we’re taught. There is no typical way to experience sexuality. It’s that idea which makes many queer people – including asexual people – feel like they’re abnormal or missing something.

It’s okay to question your sexuality, in fact, it’s healthy to do that. If you want to analyse it, do that, but through the lens that there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with what you are or aren’t experiencing. And if you find a term that helps you describe what you’re feeling and you want to use it, use it! Don’t worry about having to spend your entire life using it. And if you don’t want to use any terminology or label, don’t. You don’t owe anyone a clear-cut answer and it’s entirely possible to live happily without neatly fitting into any of these preconceived sexuality boxes. I do it all the time.

U: And what does a good aro-ace ally look like? What can they do and say to support the aro-ace community?

Y: Include us in conversations, amplify our voices, support our work and help to normalise our experience! If you’re speaking about sexuality and relationships but you aren’t including asexuality or aromanticism then you’re missing out a significant chunk. The latter includes the least amount of effort and actually makes a huge difference.

U: So… what’s next for Yasmin Benoit?

Y: Depending on when this comes out, I’ve got a considerable line-up of talks, online appearances, and photo shoots scheduled for in-or-around Ace Week!* So that’s what’s immediately next. But the fun thing (and the unsettling thing) about my job is that I never know what’s around the corner! There’s some things that should be coming that I can’t announce yet and some I’m actively working towards, but I don’t want to jinx it. With the support and encouragement of the aro/ace community and our allies, I’m sure there’s good things on the horizon!

https://unicornzine.com/cover/the-face-of-aro-ace-lets-get-to-know-yasmin-benoit/

[deliquescentnightmare]

Character Introduction

Hello! my first little character sheet so you all can meet Delila, the main protagonist of my still untitled story. Most- if not all- of my characters are blatant self-inserts, and Delila is no exception. I identify as GF so she's kind of the embodiment of my very fem moments, and my soft cottagecore side. Anyways, here's all you need to know about her! I'll post newer versions of her character sheet later on as certain events happen in the story so I don't give you guys spoilers.

Name: Delila Amelie Lestrade

Age: 24

Hometown: Born in Atlanta GA, moved around a lot as a child.

Occupation: Forensic Psychologist. FBI agent.

Sexuality: Asexual, questioning.

Talents/Skills: Writing. Playing Uke. Can't cook at all. Great skill of falling down or bumping into things. Hands are steady in times of crisis and is very levelheaded.

Siblings (describe relationship): Theodore 'Theo' Grayson Markham. 35, older half brother. Second son of Alana Markham(nee Ramses) and Fredrick Markham. Lives in NY. Jameson Albert Markham, 36, oldest half brother, and firstborn son of Alana Markham and Frederick Markham. Lives in rural North Carolina with his wife and kids. Gwendolyn 'Gwen' Beatrice Markham (deceased). Born 1980, died at 26) Killed in a car accident in St Louis in 2006. Very close to Delila and Jameson. Entire family mourned after she passed, and Alana became very different emotionally.

Mother (describe relationship): Alana Elizabeth Markham (nee Ramses). 54, lives in Ojai, California with Frederick Markham. They talk intermittently, but Alana isn't very responsible and Delila refuses to interact with her too much because it's emotionally draining. Alana refuses to acknowledge Gwen even existed.

Father (describe relationship): Gregory 'Greg' Lestrade. 49. Their relationship is close, and Greg would often visit Delila, or fly her out to see him during school holidays when she was a child. They call often (when he actually picks up or calls her back) and email back and forth. She loves him more than life itself even if he often forgets to call her because he's busy.

Significant Others (describe relationship): Struggles to remain relationships due to lack of intimacy, but had a long-term relationship for 2 years that recently ended for undisclosed reasons.

Pets: none yet. had a childhood snake named Jonathan.

Friends: Li Huang (will be introduced in the next chapter or the one after), John Watson, Molly Hooper, Sherlock Holmes (tentative), Theo, Mycroft Holmes(eventually).

Height: 5'2" or 157.5 cm

Weight: 135 lbs. or about 61 kg

Race: Caucasian, British-American

Eye Color: Blue in Original Fictions. In this AU, however her right one is Purple. her left is Pink. (I like pink and purple very much)

Hair Color: Naturally brown, dyed pastel orange.

Distinguishing features: Constantly has scrapes and bruises, often topped off with band-aids on her fingers and cheeks. Her wild orange hair and round gold-rimmed glasses. (they're bigger than Harry Potter's, before you ask). She wears a black pea-coat often, and it's worn from years of use. (it was her sister's)

How does he/she dress? Black pea-coat when it's colder. Likes to wear slightly-too-large clothing. Often wears stolen shirts, sweaters and button ups. Flowy, flowery dresses and skirts and occasionally ripped jeans. She did go through an Emo phase and dyed her hair white in her late teens/early 20's, and has some clothing left over from that phase that she occasionally wears.

Hobbies: Writing romance fiction and crime. Reading, often James Patterson or fantasy. Playing ukulele, and singing. She likes to dance but isn't very good at it, so she often does it when she's alone or it's dark (or both). She likes to go for walks with John in the park, and used to go for walks with Theo.

Greatest flaws: She cares too much too fast, and becomes attached to people within a day or so of meeting them. She can be slightly needy and clingy if she doesn't have a lot of friends, because she thrives off of physical affection. She's very stubborn, and will do things even when she's been given explicit instruction not to because she thinks she may know a better way. (sometimes she does, but other times she just is too strong headed to stop). She can either be unabashedly arrogant or filled with crippling self-doubt dependent on the situation as she's experienced a lot of respect and praise for her intellect. She also puts a lot of pressure on herself to succeed and it can lead to devastating burnouts.

Best qualities: Very loving and openhearted. She will put others' needs above her own nearly every time. She will make sure her friends and those she cares about are taken care of, and are taking good care of themselves. She is extremely intelligent and knows an array of weird and sometimes useful facts, and has a large span of knowledge thanks to her time at uni. She also has a way of making friends wherever she goes, which leads to a large web of connections and sources whenever she needs them.

Introvert or Extrovert? Ambivert, it's dependent on the situation. For example, if she's forced to be in isolation then she's going to be more extroverted when she's around people again. She enjoys talking to people, but after a certain amount, she can become worn out and need alone time. I think it would be good to note she is much more socially adept than Sherlock, though he is better at other things socially. (she has Asperger's and therefore he picks up on certain cues or details she may miss)

How does the character deal with anger? Delila can either run hot or run cold in terms of temperament. When she runs hot, she is often so overcome with emotion that she 'loses' words, struggles to speak and gets really flustered. (not in a good way) she never really says anything unkind when she's like this but she will be very dismissive and tell people to leave her alone. She is prone to shouting or crying to voice her frustrations and get out her emotions. The best way to calm her down is to let her rant about it, and she often calls Theo- who lets her rant. When she runs cold, she is eerily calm. She becomes sharp-tongued, cold and calculating. She will destroy whoever has angered her in this way and feel no shame. Sometimes she will spend days like this, and will be snippy and distant to anyone who tries to talk to her. She is vengeful and fully of unabashedly cruel remarks. It takes a lot or something particularly bad to get her this way.

With sadness? Delila tends to cry when she's sad, and is most comforted by physical affection. She listens to sad music, curls up under a blanket, and will write, whether it be in a journal or creatively. She will occasionally vent, but usually keeps it to herself as to not burden people around her with her issues or emotions.

With conflict? Delila can be rather argumentative and stubborn, but if she cares about the person she will do her best to listen to their side of the argument or disagreement, even if she feels as though they are wrong. When it comes to other peoples' conflicts, she will try and take the side she feels is most correct, or try and be an unbiased judge. She will defend her friends if there is a conflict in which they are being attacked in some way.

With change? Delila isn't a big fan of change but she will try her best to adapt and overcome by setting goals and new routines.

With loss? Delila will self-isolate. She will spend a lot of time re-consuming media that reminds her of what she has lost, and will go through a period of denial. Eventually, though she will come to honour the memory and move on.

What does the character want out of life? Fulfillment. Delila has spent a lot of her short life searching for something she is truly passionate about, but once she finds things that make her happy she becomes hesitant to follow them. She longs for fulfillment in ways other than reproducing and relationships, but one day she wouldn't mind having a family.

What would the character like to change in his/her life? Delila wishes she'd spent less time worried about how her mother perceived her and hoe those around her viewed her and her achievements. She is quite successful now and has learnt better but she wishes she hadn't let her doubts hinder her in the past.

What motivates this character? Delila doesn't excel because she longs for success, but because she fears failure. She refuses to be a burden, and will be independent almost to a fault.

What frightens this character? Delila is terrified of her family being hurt in any way, or losing someone she loves again. She also despises spiders and rejection.

What makes this character happy? Music. Her family, her friends. The rain. Tea. she loves to dance, but she only does it when she's alone.

Is the character judgmental of others? Delila's job required her to profile people, and because of that it has become her nature to psychoanalyse or even try to make assumptions about people from the get-go. She will often alter this perception of people later on depending on how she sees them interact with their environment, and people around them.

Is the character generous or stingy? She can be overly generous when it comes to those she loves, but also hesitant to share other things. It all depends on the item or person's emotional and sentimental value to her.

Is the character generally polite or rude? Unless given good reason to be rude, Delila is generally kind.

[c0rpsedemon]

i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter.  however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take.  there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him).  also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born.  plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough.  arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager.  lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much.  guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that.  but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options.  (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently.  the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have.  the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain.  the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most).  but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed.  no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies.  like....  at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying.  also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT.  it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for.  also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things.  no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him.  those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he���s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards).  the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them.  high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte.  it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence.  it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing.  and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned.  and in hnoc he’s... racist.  that’s it.  it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family).  i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for.  most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text.  it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense.  like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body.  there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head.  and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana.  it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise.  culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde.  the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king.  for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr).  i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

[aroacechillzone]

We Must Fight in Unison

This post is for the March 2021 Carnival of Aros which is about “Intersectionality and Inclusivity Within the Aromantic Community.” 

2020 didn’t give us much, but it did give many people, myself including, a lot of time to think. Many people used this time to learn more about themselves, including questioning their gender and orientation. Questioning gender in particular is quite common because gender is enforced by society. When you remove that pressure it’s much easier to start analyzing how you truly feel.

I’ve been identifying as aroace for about two and half years now. Even before that, I always had the sense that something about me was different from everybody else. But whenever I showed any kind of disdain for romance or romantic media, I was met with a “you’ll get it when you get older.” After a while though, those words started to wear off. Once I heard of the words aromantic and asexual, it took me maybe two weeks at max to start identifying with them. Since then, I’ve never questioned my orientation. I have no reason to and I likely never will. Even though my aroace-ness was easy to figure out, my gender isn’t. For the longest time I identified as cisgender because there was always this voice in my head that said, “you’re a girl.” I had a few meaningless thoughts about questioning my gender, but I never seriously considered them until December of last year. I’m still not entirely sure what my gender actually is. The chances are pretty high that I’m just a cis woman, but something about that doesn’t entirely seem right sometimes. I’ve toyed with the idea of genderfluid as well but I’m not sure if it’s my actual gender or my attitude about gender that changes. One day, I’ll figure it out. But quarantine not only made me question my gender, it also made me question my political beliefs. The older I’ve gotten, the further and further left I have shifted from the moderate Democrat base my parents rose me in. I’d say two events were the keys that shifted me from being a liberal to being a leftist: the death of George Floyd and the 2020 election. The outcry from the first made me really start to examine the mainstream narrative and my own racism as a white person. The second was when I lost faith in the general perception of American idealism liberals and conservatives alike. All of these pushed me off the “Overton window” of acceptable political beliefs into leftism. 

Currently, I identify as socialist. It’s a good catch-all label that sums up my political beliefs quite well. Capitalism always has and always will be a system that requires the exploitation of others in order to function. It creates and upholds discrimination based on race, class, orientation, gender, neurodivergency, and disability. The ultimate “goal” of capitalism is for the white, rich, neurotypical and able-bodied cishet men to be able to exploit the rest of society that does not fit any one of those definitions. This includes us a-spec people. We’re certainly not straight but we’re certainly not gay either. Many people say that we don’t experience “real” discrimination or experience it “less” than other groups. I always hated this narrative because firstly the discrimination we experience doesn’t change anything about our identities but also it kinda dismisses it what we do experience? Like yeah, I probably won’t get killed for being a-spec, but that doesn’t mean my struggles are any less important than any other allo queer person. Along with anticapitalism, one of my other core beliefs is solidarity. So many people in the queer community are so intent on driving wedges between in our to determine who is The Enemy™ who is using x identity to do bad thing xyz. I’ve said it on this blog before but all of this gatekeeping only benefits the very people we’re trying to fight against. If we divvy ourselves up like this we have no chance of achieving true equality and liberation. We only stand a chance if we unite. This isn’t just the case among queer folks, but all marginalized members of society. We have to collaborate and support BIPOC, the poor, disabled and neurodivergent people so we can all fight back together.  Taking it back to aromanticism, I find it absolutely wonderful that AUREA is taking more efforts to include aros of marginalized identities. As I’m writing this after the original roundup was posted, I enjoyed reading everyone’s thoughts on this topic. As a white, able-bodied and neurotypical person I still have a lot to learn and unlearn. I am and will continue to be the best ally that I can be. It’s time to stop letting our ignorance divide us.

[angelinarecs]

Updated Pacific Rim Recs

Organized by pairing (or gen) and then alphabetized by title. Summaries (which have been copied from their respective stories) and descriptions are provided. Notation at the end of the description indicates if a story is completed or a WIP.

Gen

Take Up Your Spade and Break Ground - Tendo Choi is a 911 dispatcher because it pays well and because he’s damn good at it. He doesn’t take the job with the expectation of finding a family – but sometimes the people who call end up up meaning a hell of a lot, and Tendo’s never been one to stay detached. Friendship/Family. Tendo POV, very well written and the plot is original. A great AU overall. I really loved following Tendo and his relationships to the Shatterdome people through his work at 911. One-shot.

Hermann, Newton Friendship

All the Colors of the Rainbow - The first thing Newt noticed about Hermann was that he was a neat freak. Well. Okay. Maybe not a neat freak. Maybe just an ordinarily-neat person who didn’t like kaiju guts in his work space. Sharing a lab was going to be a challenge … Drama. Am I reccing this because Newt is autistic? Yes, yes I am. Also, these drabbles do wonders at showing the day-to-day struggles of Newton and Hermann sharing a lab. One-shot.

Hush Now - Hermann is upset and Newt tries to cheer him up. It either goes horribly wrong or horribly right- he’s not sure. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann gets an unfortunate phone call from his father and Newt is there to pick up the pieces. Drabble length, but still sweet. One-shot.

Not Unwelcome - Set directly after the events of the movie. Hermann leaves the celebrations to give himself some space, away from the loud people clapping him on the back, away from the happily drunken crowd, and, maybe, a bit of space away from Newt. Naturally, the moment he disappears, Newt goes after him. Minor angst ensues. Friendship/Angst. Cute, fluffly, indulgent, everything you want out of a feel-good story. An enjoyable read. One-shot.

Tröstung - When Hermann is three years old, his mother gives him a stuffed lamb. Angst/Friendship. Following Hermann through the years in his interactions with his  comfort object (an adorable sheep names Oskar). The premise and structure of the story really does a nice job at providing snapshots in Hermann’s life and development as he grows into the brilliant scientist he is. The story also provides a brief insight into Hermann and Newt’s relationship. One-shot.

Hermann/Newton

a ghost will be here in my stead - Hermann is feeling under the weather. Hurt/Comfort/Fluff. Post Uprising. Hermann falls ill after pushing himself too far to save Newton from the Precursors. Newton picks up the pieces. One-shot.

A Hand That Hold No Weapon - On their way back to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Newton helps Gottlieb adjust to the after effects of drifting together. Drama/Hurt/Comfort. A much needed story after Hermann and Newton drift. Fun story, okay writing. One-shot.

A Momentary Lapse of Reason - It’s Newton’s fault, really. That Hermann is stuck on the floor of the Kwoon, feeling more than a bit useless and broken. Fluff/Hurt/Comfort. Hermann pushes himself too hard trying to physically work out his self-loathing. Newton is there to pick up the pieces. One-shot.

A Not so Simple Cold - Herman is sick. Really sick. He, however, is choosing to ignore how sick he is which Newton does not agree with. Fighting ensues but some realizations about their feelings for one another also come to a head. Fluff. One of those sickfics that’s not particularly original nor well written, but definitely scratched the hurt/comfort itch when needed. One-shot.

A Warm and Gentle Tug -  Hermann has a fear of having his blood drawn due to the fact that he always passes out or gets sick while it happens. This time around however, Hermann takes Newt along with him to his appointment to help ease him. Hurt/Comfort. Not the best writing here, but the relationship is fun. Mainly reccing because I have the exact same problem getting my blood drawn. One-shot.

Battered and Bruised - When Hermann comes to Newt’s defense, it doesn’t end well. Hurt/Comfort. Short and somewhat sweet. Newton and Hermann try to fix each other up after getting into a fight at a bar. One-shot.

Blue All Over - The worst one was recorded on a cold dreary day in the autumn of 2021. Hurt/Comfort. One of their many, and possible one of their worst, lab accidents. Herman is a self sacrificing idiot and Newton is at least fast on his feet. One-shot.

Collision - A kiss gone wrong. Romance/Humor. Hermann and Newton being dorky and clumsy. Cute, but short, story. One-shot.

Dehydration Sensation - Hermann doesn’t handle heat well. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann doesn’t take care of himself in the middle of a heat wave and Newt once again has to pick up the pieces. Including obstinate, delirious, and dissaproving Hermann alongside exasperated Newton! One-shot.

Homeostasis - The K-science laboratory stands on its own plane of existence; life within its concrete walls runs in parallel to life in the bigger world of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. Yet even here the laws of physics apply. Whenever Hermann’s body isn’t failing him, Newton’s mind is on the verge of breaking. Hurt/Comfort. The scientists have a rough day in the lab. I really enjoyed the contrast of the mental and physical given that each Hermann and Newt suffer from their own handicaps. Seeing the ailments as both a foil and a complement to each other was a very compelling look into their relationship. One-shot.

Incessant - Hermann’s physical limitations frustrate him to tears. Angst. Newton tries to help Hermann after a fall, Hermann is frustrated that his body won’t cooperate with anything. Poor Newt has to make this situation at least bearable for both of them. The selling points for this story is mostly domestic science boyfriends and an accurate depiction of the frustrations that come with being disabled/handicapped. One-shot.

Keep Your Mouth Shut, Keep Your Guard Up -  Hercules Hansen does not understand why Hermann won’t just tell him why he got in a fight with the new J-Tech. It’s obvious who came out worse for wear. Hurt/Comfort/Romance. Hermann just wants to protect Newton, they just keep getting into trouble. So wonderfully in character. I love these two. One-shot.

Laundry Day - “I must have almost popped the question a hundred times, but the timing never seemed…right, you know?” “And you decided nearly killing me in the middle of laundromat was the Platonic ideal of romance, did you?” Aka the one where Hermann launders Newt’s jacket and finds rather more than he bargained for. Hermann/Newt. Romance/Humor. This story is just so cute. I love how the everyday interaction between Newt and Hermann turns into such a touching/adorable moment. One-shot.

Oh, They’re Gonna Have to Fight Me - The Drift makes them realize they belong together. Now that they cancelled the apocalypse, there’s nothing left for them to do but live out their lives in happiness. That is, until Hermann realizes there’s more to the nightmares that Newt keeps having. (In which they don’t spend those ten years apart, and Hermann is there to figure it out and save Newt when the Precursors start taking over him.) Fluff/Angst. They win the war, get married, and live happily ever after until they don’t. If you were anything like me, the sequel really disappointed on the whole “haven’t seen you in ten years” bit. This is the fix-it that we needed for our science husbands as Hermann has to navigate his relationship with Newt while realizing exactly how compromised his husband truly is. Complete.  

Pride - Newmann oneshot. Newt takes Hermann on a date to his first LGBT parade- fluff through and through, except for a little reference to acephobia. Romance/Friendship. Am I reccing this entirely because Hermann is asexual? Yes, yes I am. Also features cute relationships, Newton coming up with a bunch of “queer” orientated pet names for Hermann, and some good points about sexuality. One-shot.

Somewhere, Something - Newt and Hermann start dating in the rush of change the end of war brings. Each of them is frightened that the other doesn’t realize what he’s in for. Hurt/Comfort/Angst. The science boyfriends help each other out as they grow closer in their relationship. I really appreciate the take on both mental and physical health issues. Two-shot, complete.

strange perceptions - The most essential question to pose, obviously, is why is Hermann presently finding himself contained in a shut-down emergency decontamination unit with only his lab partner as company, having forgone not only the process of actual decontamination but also the process of being noticed by anyone at all. The answer is frustratingly straightforward: because Newton. Angst/Hurt/Comfort. In which feelings are shared and realizations come to. I really love the dialogue, character introspection, and use of flashbacks in this story. I also love the fact that it literally took getting stuck together and completely helpless to force them into a conversation about feelings. One-shot.

Strong Enough - the Precursor in captivity, nobody knows exactly how to get Newt back to his old self, if that’s even possible. But Newt was always stubborn, and damn if Hermann would ever give up on him, or, worse yet, let him give up on himself. Emotional Hurt/Comfort/Angst. Hermann is going to get his husband back, even if he has to fight the entire Shatterdome, the alien possessing his love, and his own nightmares to do it. Another precursor!Newt fix-it, but we need all of those that we can get because I want my science husbands to end up happy. One-shot.

Taken Care Of - Newt helps out Hermann when he’s having a bad day. Hurt/Comfort. A short and fluffy slice of life story that follows the companionship of Newt and Hermann through a rough day. One-shot.

The Ghost and Dr. Priestly - Newt is pulling an all-nighter in the university library studying for a chemistry test, when he begins to hear strange sounds. Good news: it’s not a ghost. Bad news: he only finds out after giving his lab partner, Hermann, a mild concussion. Drama/Romance/Hurt/Comfort. Newt is an unbelievable idiot and poor Hermann suffers the consequences. Or, Hermann is concussed and is probably not thinking properly, but he still kisses Newt even after the daft man nearly brained him with a book. One-shot.

Tricks and Treats - Seven fics for the seven days of Gottbleed week (Oct. 5th-11 2015). Each story: 1. Is Gottbleed 2. Fulfills an OTP prompt from tumblr 3. Is newmann and 4. Is Halloween related. Trick or treating, costumes, haunted houses, ghosts, too much candy - and much more! Cute, funny, with a side of seriousness. Humor/Drama. Hermann and Newton make such a fun couple and these somewhat Halloween themed shorts perfectly show off their characters. Complete.

You and Your Dog Teeth - Desperate to find ends and solutions, Hermann wears himself out to exhaustion looking for answers, especially his already lame leg. Being around as his usual working late night companion, it’s up to Newt to help take Dr. Gottlieb home. What seemed entirely like a normal night only ends with two scientists realizing there’s a lot more between them than they thought. Angst/Humor. Such a fun story, this has a good balance between emotional tension and moments of hilarity that only the K-science boys can fully pull off. The awkward approach to romance in this story works very well for the characters and give an authentic feel to the whole thing. Two-shot, complete.

You Know I Love You: I Wrote It Down - Drs. Geiszler and Gottlieb’s relationship goes back almost ten years. We know this because the paper trail goes that far back, too. Romance. Where do I begin with this story? It’s so well done and amazingly written. I can’t get enough of it. The idea to follow the relationship of Hermann and Newton through their paper trail was brilliant and well executed. The sheer nerdy romance is amazing. I don’t even care if it has smut in it, it’s still well worth the read. One-shot.

[mintgator]

Good Omens: Sexuality Controversy

I am asexual. And look y’all, there has never been a ship that has actually FELT ace to me before this. Literally never. Even Castiel (who was an angel in Supernatural) was never embraced as a potential ace character. Sherlock, back before the show was truly acknowledged as the cringe-fest that it is, was never really pegged as asexual, because the creators just HAD to push some brand of weird heteronormative sexuality in our faces for him. I cannot name ace!characters in television or in literature that are or feel ace without the additional “coming out” story. It seems like ace characters can never just BE in media, and for some reason they’re never just allowed to have relationships. As someone who is ace, I find this really depressing

It’s not WHAT these characters are that make them seem ace-spec, it’s HOW they are portrayed—and THAT is equally if not MORE important.

I have headcanoned characters as ace, but not like THIS. It’s apparent that a lot of people are embracing A/C as an ace ship and/or as solely platonic, but quite a lot of y’all seem dead set on going out of your way to make sure we don’t get to have that. I’m not against people shipping them otherwise, but it is so empowering to go to a fanfiction site and see that most fics actually portray them in the same way I do. FOR ONCE, I don’t have to read around a bunch of sexy content to get to the stuff I actually want to read.

The points against A/C being an ace-couple are (1) it’s queerbaiting and (2) because they’re non-humans, calling them ace is demoralizing for ace-specs. My friends, Crowley and Aziraphale stand out so much from their counterparts because they act more HUMAN than either angels or demons. Because there is no focus on sexual-tension between them, they come across as incredibly non-sexual, not because of what they are, but because of HOW they are portrayed. As for queerbaiting, Neil Gaiman is one of the more inclusive writers out there, and as Terry Pratchett (also an incredibly inclusive writer!) is dead (R.I.P.) it makes sense that they wouldn’t break from the source material in any extreme way out of respect for him. Good Omens is NOT queerbaiting. In the same sense, I can see why they probably won’t ever make a season two, and I’m FINE with that! That’s what fandom is for!

What I need is for a lot of y’all to CALM DOWN. A fandom is a space that can be shared. Your perception of these characters can be whatever you want it to be, but PLEASE stop trying to shut down those of us who have FINALLY found a healthy ship to cling to that is relatable for us. We don’t get this very often.

Now if only we could get more ace-spectrum female, trans, or nonbinary characters! A girl can dream.

I could also go on a tangent here about the number of fics/fanart I’ve seen that want to fat-shame Aziraphale’s character, but that is an argument for another day.

Anyway, to summarize: LET US HAVE THIS!

[deity-of-calamity]

Random questions about your muse Copy and paste. Do not reblog.

Name: William (Bill) Cipher (putting that here based on his constellation)

1. Do they believe in true love?

“Not exactly. That’s fairy tail stuff.”

(the exception being one of his romance timelines. As he accepts it as real at that point)

2. Do they believe that their life has meaning?

“Yes and no.”

(Bill is a proud/narcissistic demon so at times he believes he is the most important creature around. Other times however his depression kicks in and he wants to die. Even though Bill knows it’s impossible as he is immortal. A tough lesson after what happened to his home.)

3. What first impression do they give when they first meet someone?

(Usually that he’s energetic/eccentric and can be loud. This tends to be annoying to people but others might find it endearing.)

4. Do they believe in heaven/hell?

“Only if Heaven is that space Axolotl keeps for human souls after death. And the Nightmare Realm, which I run, could be considered Hell.”

(He’s a demon lord/chaos deity. So I guess to some level, maybe)

5. Five things that irritate them?

“One: Heroes/Would be heroes. Annoying pests.”

“Two: Machines. Although I suppose there could be some exceptions.”

“Three: Tickles.”

“Four: Idiocy.”

(Five is hard to come up with... So just have these four.)

6. First kiss?

“Hard to say. I didn’t always have my own body and I’m not sure a possession counts.”

7. What do they find funny that others usually don’t?

“Torture, murder, manipulation, honestly I could go on for days.”

8. Biggest regret?

“I’m not some sentimental fool.”

(Destroying his home/killing any possible family he had. And hurting Ford Pines. Despite his denial of feelings, he did consider Ford a close friend.)

9. Three words that best describe them?

Intelligent, Selfish, Terrifying

10. Their most attractive feature?

(not sure how to answer this one...)

11. The feature that they find most attractive?

“I find my intellect to be one of my best features. But if you mean something more physical... I’d go with my eyes. Which are like liquid flames!”

12. Favorite song lyric?

“Tough choice. There’s quite a few.”

(I have several he’d like and it’s hard to pick..)

13. Best advice they’ve ever received?

“Probably something Axolotl said. Hard to pick just one thing when there’s many years to sift through.”

14. Worst advice they’ve ever received?

“Once again it’s hard to say. There’s just too much history. Curse of being immortal.”

15. What makes them cry?

“.... Next question.”

(Reminding him of what he’s lost. Either with his home or with Ford. He’ll deny caring and will most likely hide away somewhere. However Bill truly did care for Ford and that’s what hurts. Knowing he messed up beyond repair.)

16. Hardest decision they ever had to make?

“... Moving on.”

17. What makes them fond of someone?

“Personality. If they’re a nerd it’s a bonus. And a sense of humor is a must.”

18. Do they believe in forgiveness?

“Yes. Whether or not someone deserves it is another story.”

19. Biggest turn on?

“Intellectual stimulation is always good. But pain is also fun.”

(He’s pretty demi/asexual so this is about as far as it goes)

20. Biggest turn off?

(not sure how to answer this)

21. Any fetishes/kinks?

“That depends on what wrapping people in chains, torture and nightmares count as.”

(Again not quite sure what to say. He’s demisexual)

22. Do they have a perception of god?

“I actually talk with Axolotl so... Not sure that counts as a perception.”

23. A memory from their childhood that shaped them?

“I can’t remember that far back. Everything before the calamity is just... Fuzzy. But I will share this. Axolotl is the one who taught me how to create dreams.”

24. Birthday and zodiac sign?

“July 26 and Leo.”

(I picked that because of the gemstone and the Leo personality just works for him. Plus it’s a fire sign)

25. Do they agree with said zodiac sign?

(Yes)

26. What is one thing that they wish they could change about themselves?

“About the only thing I can think of is the ability to understand emotions better.”

27. A dream that they have never told anyone?

“Well... I didn’t always dream. So... Just give me the next question.”

28. Do they believe in fate?

“Yes. It has a rather annoying habit of popping up. Damn zodiac wheel...”

29. Favorite season?

“Autumn/Fall! It has pumpkin stuff and Halloween and so on!”

30. Five favorite singers/bands/performers?

“Linkin Park, Panic! At The Disco, Nightwish, Sonata Arctica, The Rasmus (I know it said 5 but I’m gonna add 5 more because they work too, Starset, Slipknot, Three Days Grace, Within Temptation, Skillet)

Tagged by: automaton-otto

Tagging: @crystallusxarmis @castelleve @your-pain-is-my-amusement (and anyone that wants to do this)

[mitsususu]

As of this post, leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) has 80 Stucky fics and is continuing to publish. Do you like fantastic world building? Enjoy fantasy and magic? Below are my favorite Top 10 fics:

“The Necrofloranomicon” (T, 47k) 

Bucky didn't want much. Just to keep his head down, to sell his scavenged flowers in peace, and to stay off Shield's radar. His life would have been a lot easier if his flowers weren't dead and if being a necromancer wasn't illegal, but easy or not, he was getting by. Steve didn't want much, either. He was happy working for Shield, he had good friends, and overall his life was going just about the way he wanted it. Problem was, being happy with your life was generally an invitation for fate to throw a spanner in the works—and in Steve's specific case, it was going to be a spanner named Bucky.

(A love story about flowers, trust, and magic and the choices we make about doing what's right.)

+ Magic AU. Or, what to do when life gives you “evil” powers and you just wanna pet cats

-☆-

“Probably Not What They Meant By A Game Of Cat and Mouse” (T, 7k) 

Once upon a time in an apartment block in the city there lived a cat named Bucky and a mouse named Steve.

Everyone knows cats and mice can't be friends. But Bucky's not a normal cat: he's a witch's familiar and a damn good one (just ask him). And Steve's not a normal mouse. He's...well, he's Steve.

This is their story.

(Contains many true mouse facts for your edification.)

+ Animals AU. They’re small but their hearts are big

-☆-

“If Wishing Made It So” (T, 29k) 

Modern Winter Soldier AU where Bucky is a genie who became HYDRA's Asset.

When HYDRA found the Tesseract they also found a genie in a bottle. Knowing a genie's wishes are a trap that will turn and bite you, they used the power of the Tesseract to enslave the genie. It cost them three wishes but it bought them an Asset with power greater than any human and for 70 years they used him to work HYDRA's will on the world.

Until they lost him.

His bottle washes up on a beach and he's found by a new Master, Steve Rogers. Steve, horrified at having absolute power over someone, has a very different approach to being in control of a genie. While Bucky waits for his new Master to show his true colours they're trying to work out how to live with each other. Bucky doesn't trust Steve, Steve's friends don't trust Bucky, and no one realises HYDRA has not let their Asset go so easily.

+ Modern AU. Bucky grants unlimited wishes and Steve is Good

-☆-

“On a Pale Horse” (T, 25K) 

Fast and fierce, the Horse Guard protect the Kingdom and its people, and they welcome anyone into their ranks-noble, commoner, or peasant-so long as they can ride a horse like they were born to it. Guard Barnes—Bucky—has come to the Kingdom's largest horse fair to find a new horse. He's supposed to choose from one of the approved horses; instead he finds himself buying a tall, skinny, angry stallion with the ridiculous name of Steve. Bucky can't leave him behind, but he's nothing like what Bucky's looking for and everything Bucky doesn't want.

But Bucky's more right than even he knows because Steve's not a horse at all. He's a man under a curse, victim of a powerful sorcerer's temper and magic, and he's bound to never, by action or deed, reveal what he truly is.

It's gonna be one hell of a ride.

+ Historical AU. Steve protec but he also attac 

-☆-

“And There But For The Grace” (T, 46k) 

Magical Realism AU where demons exist and Steven was an angel lured to Lucifer's side in the war in Heaven. After the war, they threw him down into Hell, no longer an angel, but a demon.

Some humans know demons exist, summoning them out of Hell to use as weapons. Desperate to escape Hell, Steven answers a summons only to find himself bound to serve HYDRA. When they send him to possess Agent Peggy Carter, the encounter doesn't go as HYDRA expects and Steven is set free to roam the earth.

Sixty years later, frantic to escape another summons, willing to do anything to stay unbound, he takes refuge inside the killer sent to slaughter the summoner. The killer has a metal arm and a mind like broken glass and Steven soon discovers he isn't the only one hiding inside of it: he finds the man the killer's body belongs to. Fragile and lost, the more Steven seeks him out the stronger he becomes, until the day he remembers his name: Bucky. Determined to protect him, Steven will do everything in his power to set him free and keep him that way.

(Chronologically, this stretches from before Captain America: First Avenger to a year or so before the first Avengers movie but has spoilers for Civil War.)

+ WW2 to WS. What happens when demonic possession turns protective

-☆-

“Black Dog” (T, 55k) 

So long ago the details were lost to time, people began creating guardians of the dead. They were made from dogs, dogs who were buried in graveyards before anyone was laid to rest, their spirits arising as black dogs, bound protectors of the human dead.

Steve had always wondered what would happen after he died. He hadn't expected the answer to be 'wake up in the cemetery he'd been buried in', but here he was, some kind of ghost, and he could see the trees through his hands. It wasn't so bad, and he wasn't alone—a sleek black dog, golden eyes glowing bright, was happily waiting to greet him.

Decades later, on what was supposed to be a quiet, peaceful, definitely-not-life-changing walk through the woods, Bucky stumbled across an abandoned cemetery and into the impossible.

(It's a ghost story and a love story and a story about dogs.)

+ Modern AU. Ghost Steve, good dogs, and Bucky who just wants to help

-☆-

“Plunge” (T, 32k) 

Steve squawked as a hand wrapped loosely around his wrist. He braked, wings banking so hard he almost somersaulted over himself, and surged up and away from the ocean, spinning to find himself staring at—

A triton was laughing up at him, sharp teeth gleaming in the sunlight. Steve had seen tritons before. He knew what lurked under the water. The power and violence wrapped in muscle and skin.

The triton's grin turned knowing, like he could see what Steve was thinking. "Hey there, Feathers. You want to go for a swim?"

+ Fantasy AU. Moving on from your past and finding your place in the world

-☆-

“And No One Can Talk To a Horse” (T, 17k)

Kelpies were killers. They lived in the water, drowned anyone who came too close. Ate them, most of the time. It was reflex not choice, like the kick that follows a hammer hitting a knee, because kelpies were no more aware than a wave or a wildfire.

Hydra knew about kelpies. It was why they'd come up with their brilliant plan to capture one and turn it into an assassin. But like so many plans that seemed good on paper it came with unintended consequences—in Hydra's case, the unintended consequences were Bucky and no more Hydra.

Steve didn't know that. Even as a sometime Shield consultant, he had no way of knowing any of that. Which meant when the sleek black horse surged up out of the water and didn't kill him, the only answer he could give to, "Why?" was, "I don't know."

+ Fantasy AU. Killer kelpie Bucky just wants to be a roller coaster

-☆-

“A-mage-ing Grace” (T, 18k) 

Steve was a mage, not a fighter: he'd entered the tournament to face other mages. But when he had to face the Winter Soldier, he never thought he'd wind up being responsible for him, even if it was only for the time it took to get him off the Baron's lands. He hadn't dreamed it would lead to the Winter Soldier following him through half the kingdom.

Steve wasn't sure why it was happening, he wasn't sure what the man wanted, but for the moment he was willing to wait and see. He just hoped he wasn't making a terrible mistake.

+ Fantasy AU. A road trip AU if cars were hitchhiked carts

-☆-

“The Centaurs’ Tale” (T, 31k) 

"You know how I sometimes call you a horse's ass?" "Yeah?" "It's a hell of a lot more accurate now."

It's the same old story: another day, another bad guy with designs on the planet showing up in New York City. But prepared as they are for weirdness—and Steve and Bucky thought they'd seen and suffered it all—neither of them are quite ready for where this particular tale winds up.

Or, to be completely accurate, where this pair of tails winds up.

+ Modern AU. A study on superhero public perceptions

-☆-

*More Leveragehunters stories in the Dragons, Mermaid AU, Vampires, Royalty, Werewolf Steve, Demons, Fairytale, Christmas, Handler Steve, and Asexuality lists

[taiblogcomics]

Five Aces in the Hole

Hey there, lockpicking tutorial. Another empty preamble. A preamble with no ramble, you might say. Let's just get to the dang comic~

Here's the cover:

Oh hey, I hope you read the last issue, because here's your big spoiler-filled cover. This cover is more or less the previous issue's last-page reveal. Like, not precisely, the Penguin is being held behind the fishtank, not in it. But it's the visual that sells the cover. Speaking of visuals, I didn't think Jason could look like more of a goon, but here we are. I think it's the hair. He always has that same half-mask, but in costume he covers it with a hood (a red one, natch). Seeing him there with his hair out, combined with the suit, it just makes him look silly. You are no Black Mask, sir~

Well, last time, Jason Todd returned to Gotham City and set out to be a Legitimate Businessman and run the Iceberg Lounge. Like Penguin before him, the Batman can't touch him because he's not running around in a costume doing crimes. His only crime right now is holding the Penguin captive. So instead we open with some characters we haven't spoken of in a very long time in this blog: Essence and the All-Mother. If you've forgotten, part of the New 52's reinvention of Jason was that he also studied in a magical martial arts group called the All-Caste. And that's literally all I remember about these two, it's been that long. And they want to talk about Jason Todd, so I guess we can catch up together~

So we got Jason Todd here, in his best Jimquisition cosplay, monologuing--or more like taunting--to the Penguin. The "cell" Penguin is trapped in is actually his own panic room, explaining its existing at all. Thankfully, Bunker comes in partway into it, sparing us from Jason going on and on for pages. Bunker and Jason are just going over the daily itinerary, and Bunker mentions that he finds this whole "running a casino" business is actually pretty fulfilling compared to his old Teen Titans days. As they leave, the Penguin plots to himself about how he has contingencies in play, and a brief cut shows us one of those at work. Since they haven't heard from Penguin in a week, these goons decide to spring into actions. I expect the same from you guys if you also don't see me post a review in a week~

Say, speaking of characters we haven't seen in fucking ages, you guys remember Isabel? Yeah, neither do I. But she and Jason used to date, which I do kind of remember. Thankfully, the comic at least reminds us when they broke up. It seems this is at least normal enough for Isabel to handle, so she's angling to get back together with Jason. Their kiss is interrupted by a huge explosion that rocks the casino. As the guests scatter, Isabel worries Jason will have to do something, and he replies he's not in the "doing something" business anymore. Oh, so Jason's become one of the Monitors~

So, the goons that made the explosion? They're a discount Royal Flush Gang--and yes, you can apparently be pathetic enough to be a knock-off of a gang that's already full of jobbers--called the Five Aces. It's not actually because of their card theme, they're all asexual. There are, in fact, five of them: Club, Diamond, Heart, Spade, and, uh... Joker’s taken, so I guess this guy is Rules For Poker. So the lot of them are off to either find the Penguin or find proof he's dead. Before they can get anywhere, though, they're confronted by casino security: the Sisters Su. So it's one group of losers versus another. Whoever wins, who cares~?

So a dumb fight scene with even dumber banter ensues. It's tedious and I'll spare you, but the end result is that all the Sisters Su win handily. However, they speculate that this may all have been a diversion, which is honestly more perceptive than I'd've given them credit for. And indeed it's true. The last member of the Five Aces still standing, a gangly fellow with long white hair (who we previously named Rules For Poker), shows up and starts shooting at Jason. Jason says his priority is protecting Isabel, and she's impressed with how he's changed, but says if he really needs to go kill this guy, he should do so. Jason replies "Hold my beer", which is not how that meme works.

Fortunately, before he can misuse any other memes, Bunker shows up. Not to beat the bad guy, but to set up a wall between the shooting and escort Isabel away from the danger. Jason changes into his working clothes and prepares to fight Rules For Poker. He also comments that he knows the guy also works with the All-Caste. He can just tell. Maybe it's the white hair, Essence also has that. More fighting and banter ensues, the gist of which is that Jason thinks everyone who thinks they can tell him what to do is wrong. The fight, and indeed the whole comic, ends with the white-haired guy poofing into dust, like a vampire on Buffy. That's really how it ends. The comic doesn't conclude so much as just come to a stop.

So I guess that we’ve set up a new status quo for Jason, we also now need to reestablish the old status quo as well and reintroduce a bunch of plot elements we left behind a long time ago. Like, seriously, that issue where he and Isabel broke up is from 2014. I sure hope I’m the only one dumb enough to have stuck with this comic for five years to remember that plot point. So, in essence (ha!), instead of doing something new with the premise, we get this:

[knjsplaylist]

I've seen many people openly speak about jungkook's sexuality, and I just want to know what your thoughts are. Do you doubt that he's completely straight either or that he could be gay?

First of all, the standard, yet completely necessary disclaimer: The following are purely my subjective thoughts about Jungkook derived from my personal perception of him and his situation. His sexuality might be completely different in reality and there is no way for us to actually know anything about it unless Jungkook himself tells us. 

Another thing I might as well mention right away is that this post contains strong elements of jikook. I wouldn’t really know how to make a post about this without at least mentioning Jimin in relation to Jungkook. 

If that doesn’t suit your fancy then maybe don’t read this.

Also, this is basically just rambles and my own opionon. Other people have already covered this topic so this is just a bunch of extra stuff that doesn’t really matter… I’m really selling this aren’t I?

Sorry about that, anon, and hello. Before I answer your question, I’m gonna have to tackle a little thing in your ask that bothers me; how you wrote it.

I don’t think you should be asking “do you doubt that he’s completely straight” or do you believe he “could be gay”.

Just by writing it like that you’re kind of assuming his sexuality right away. There’s nothing to say that Jungkook is straight at all except society and ingrained heteronormativity. And we can’t doubt something if we’ve got no reason to believe it to begin with (e.i. that Jungkook is straight). Jungkook could most definitely be gay. He could also be bi, pan, asexual, demi, poly, etc. Let’s try not to assume before we even start to speculate. But before you feel bad, I’m not upset with you personally as I don’t think you meant for the ask to come across like it did. However, heteronormativity is something society as a whole is struggling to be rid off or at least something it should struggle to be rid off and it’s important that we don’t let stuff like this slide. We just have to stay aware of the fact that we’ve been socialized in a heteronormative society, and be willing to recognize and learn from the mistakes we make because of it.

Now that that’s over and done with… I’m going to have to talk a bit more about assuming sexualities or people will definitely call me a hypocrite.

There’s a lot of talk about assuming people’s sexuality on Tumblr and while that’s all well and good, I also think people often mistakenly call what actually isn’t assuming sexuality, assuming sexuality. 

Assuming sexuality is something problematic and generally happens because of harmful ideas like, you guessed it, heteronormativity. People are quick to call others out about assuming sexuality when that’s not really what they’re doing; there’s a difference between assuming the sexuality of a person because of a supposed normal, and looking at a specific person and deciding on your own that he/she/they, in your eyes, probably has a certain sexuality. People need to be allowed to make up their own minds about how they view and think about other people because frankly, that’s just how people function. We can’t change that and we don’t need to. We just need to be aware of the fact that we can’t know other people’s sexualities unless they let us know, be respectful, not force our thoughts or ideas on the people we’re speculating about, and support them whatever sexuality they do or do not come out as. Please correct me if you think I’m wrong about this because I’m not completely sure myself.

Alright, now we can get into it.

I’ve reblogged a few posts that speculate about Jungkook’s sexuality and all of those are, at least in my opinion, worthy of consideration and, as another sort of disclaimer, I have to say that they’ve probably affected the way I think about it a lot. You might also want to keep in mind that I am still a pretty new ARMY and have only been exposed to about three months of Jeon Jeongguk (and a whole lot of past him of course). So, while I still barely know him not that I ever will, I know for sure that I, subjectively, think he’s attracted to men. I’m not going to give you a bunch of examples of why because other people have already done that. But to mention a few:

1. Jimin,

2. Jimin,

3. Jiminie.

… I’m clearly making a terrible joke, but only in order to bring me to the point that most of it really does have to do with Jimin for me. The rest (stuff that other people have also pointed out) is basically this: all of Bangtan collectively coming out, rainbows, rainbows, rainbows (yes the unicorn, but they also wouldn’t shut up about being “Rainbow BTS” during BVs2), LGBTQ+ elements in their music, excessive m/m skinship, avoidance of heteronormative interview questions, etcetc. What most of that tells me is simply that Jungkook is in an environment where he’s had the opportunity to realize his own sexuality and where he hasn’t had to reject it. It doesn’t say that much about him in particular though, but that’s where Jimin comes in.

And I won’t point you towards moments that have made me think Jungkook is attracted to Jimin  — again this is the main reason I think Jungkook is attracted to men — mostly because I don’t think I have to, but also because there are just way too many.

And not to go full jikook-shipper on you, but to me, this one look is enough:

… I’m not even kidding and there’s nothing else to say. Except that obviously, it might not be enough outside the context of Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship in general or for someone who hasn’t seen as much of Jimin and Jungkook as I have and thus has a different understanding of their entire situation. But since I have seen what I have and feel like I know what I know, it’s enough. Well actually, another thing to say about this is that I thought Jungkook was in love with Jimin, or at least had a crush on him, well before I shipped them (in fact, while I shipped Jimin with someone else. clearly that didn’t last very long, though). So I didn’t ship them but I still recognized the way Jungkook looks at Jimin, the way he acts around him, and I thought from the start that there was something there. Which made it really weird to find out how much the roles have changed in that aspect when we compare present-day Jimin and Jungkook to past them. I’m glad I had that experience because it’s a reminder that at least Jungkook’s feelings are not just me seeing what I want to see.

Moving on, there’s the entirety of G.C.F which is another main reason I think Jungkook is at least some kind of gay. Lots of people have already talked about that, though. (If you want more of other people’s opinions just go to my lgbts tag. There’s a lot of stupid stuff but important things too. Edit: so this was posted today and while it’s mostly about Jimin, what it says in the beginning about Jungkook is definitely relevant. The whole post is relevant tbh so just. Go read it.)

So yeah, I think Jungkook likes men. Maybe women too, but definitely men. And if he does like women as well, then I’d say he probably leans more towards men anyways. But sexuality is weird and fluid and honestly, I can’t really speculate about anything other than that I think he’s attracted to men. 

And, I feel like I have to remind you, this is just my own thoughts and his sexuality might be completely different in reality. There’s no way to actually know unless Jungkook gets in a relationship or comes out as whatever it may be. 

Finally, I’m gonna out myself pun truly not intended but very much appreciated as someone who doesn’t care that much about sexuality, perhaps because I don’t really know my own yet. That’s not to say I don’t fully support the LGBTQ+ community and as you can see in some of the posts I’ve linked, I think it’s incredible that BTS represent and support it. I also would completely support any of the boys if they chose to come out as belonging to any sexuality. But other than that I just don’t really care about their or anyone’s sexualities. 

Obviously, I’m a jikook shipper, and since I do believe Jimin and Jungkook are something, and definitely that Jungkook has feelings for Jimin, I also have to believe that Jungkook is attracted to men. But I also don’t think I would have thought more about it if I hadn’t seen other people discussing it/ if I hadn’t gotten this ask. I don’t really know how to say it but sexuality seems kind of overrated to me and I don’t really get why it’s so important for people to know other people’s unless they’re trying to get in someone’s pants/are in the LGBTQ+ community and are looking for representation and support. 

I hate to use this particular expression but… it’s not that deep? It’s just another label that, in the end, only means that you love certain people in certain ways.

[aroacepositivityplace]

So I’m asexual, but I also experience dysphoria (I’m born female). I wear a makeshift binder and I’m uncomfortable with my sexual organs etc and I’m also uncomfortable being called she (I haven’t really told anyone though.) I’m questioning being nb, but do you think that it could possibly be subconscious anxiety (I have anxiety) stemming from my anxiety? Pretty sure I’m nb, but I don’t know if this is something other asexuals have experienced.. pls help!! :)

Hey, bud. I’m sorry you’re going through such tough dysphoria. Sometimes our mental health does impact our perceptions of gender and orientation, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. Some trans people are asexual because of how dysphoria makes them feel and that’s okay. You’re welcome to use the label just like anyone else is. If the day comes where you don’t think it works for you, set it aside and look for a new label. I’ve also spoken with some aces that have some body dysphoria because they don’t feel like it makes sense for them to have reproductive organs. We can’t control how we feel about our bodies. Again, it’s good and normal to be nb. It’s also okay if it’s a label you use all your life or just for a while. Do what makes you feel comfortable with yourself.

It’s okay to explore your gender. In fact, it’s probably one of the best things you can do to figure out what makes you comfortable. If you want to, try out different clothes, pronouns, names, whatever you feel like doing. Figuring out gender can be a long process that has to start somewhere. You need to be safe about it, though. Please be careful with makeshift binders. They can be extremely dangerous. Your ribs can get broken, you could develop long term lung problems, and/or your viability for getting top surgery could be destroyed just to name a few risks. I know that it can reduce dysphoria in the short term, but it isn’t worth the long term risks. It’s important that you get a real binder if you want to regularly bind along with wearing the binder correctly. Never sleep or exercise in a binder. Never wear a binder for more than eight hours at a time. If you feel light headed, short of breath, or in pain, you need to take the binder off. Never wear a binder that’s too small. I’d strongly recommend wearing baggy clothing like a big sweatshirt until you can bind safely.

If you want to try to reduce bottom dysphoria, packing is a thing. You can either buy realistic looking flaccid genitalia or making your own bulge with some socks or something similar. From there you could also buy or make your own packing pouch or harass. I’d recommend taking a pair of loose briefs and sewing a rolled up sock inside the pouch. You can trim the edges of the briefs to make them fit over other underwear more easily and comfortably. Bam, instant packer.

The two links below have the best prices for binders and packers that I could find. I’ve also used this site myself and they’re legit. Try to stay strong, anon. I’m here if you want to talk.

https://www.ftmessentials.com/collections/binders/products/binder-econo-tri-top-943

https://www.ftmessentials.com/products/classic-packy

[sweet-star-cookie]

I feel really out of place all the time, like I don’t fit in anywhere. I guess this post is a few thoughts to (maybe) figure out why, aside from my usual anxiety and depression.

My appearance doesn’t match my age. I don’t really have a huge problem with this in general, but it can get rather annoying when I’m treated like a child at any given moment, for reasons that are usually not relevant to that specific situation. But at the same time, I get it. I wear bright colours, I wear my hair in pigtails, I like cartoons, I get unnaturally excited about cute things. I understand the perception, especially at first glance. I only wish there was a way I could accept it more. I don’t like my physical appearance as is, but that’s another hurdle to jump entirely.

I don’t have a place I consider “home”. Don’t get me wrong, I have several places that I live / have the ability to live in, so I will always have a roof over my head. I am extremely grateful for this, but as of now none of them feel like a place I can be truly comfortable. My current living space is a basement in a sketchy part of a city I don’t like. Living at home is stressful and irritating for a variety of reasons. The only other city I lived in was only for two years, which was not enough time to forge any sort of connection to it. I don’t like the idea of moving somewhere new that might be good for me, only to find I don’t like it and have to move again. If I had a more nomadic personality perhaps this would be easier, but for now I have nowhere to go, and I need a solid foundation before I can even begin to start figuring out the rest of this mess of a life. I can picture my dream living space in my head, but reality says it won’t be mine any time soon. I’ve flown the coop, but have nowhere to land. 

I feel like a burden to anyone that chooses my company. Obviously this has to do with my self-esteem, which is the lowest it has ever been of late. No matter who I’m with, no matter how long I stay or what we’re doing, I constantly think that my actions, mannerisms, etc. will be noticed and disliked by everyone else, even down to something as simple as how much food I eat there. I cannot justify anything about myself, so I never feel totally relaxed and require reassurance that my mere existence is warranted. Even that doesn’t always convince me. It’s a strong case of self-sabotage, feeling like I don’t deserve all the beautiful and kind people in my life.

I’m ace aro. Yes this is a part of it too. Explaining asexuality is already hard enough, but like anyone else in this community having to explain it to several people, sometimes more than once, is nothing short of exhausting. I’ve mentioned asexuality to my family members before but to little avail, and this does not include my extended family. Adding aromantic into that mix makes it even harder, but I haven’t even approached that subject yet. It’s a multi-layered subject and I haven’t even scratched the surface. It’s even a little weird with some of my friends and peers, particularly when discussing relationships, children or marriage. I feel like an interloper by being the only person in my entire family that isn’t straight. I hope that someday this will be a source of pride (no pun intended) for future generations rather than shame, as is my hope for this community in general.

I don’t know how I’m going to make a living, because no “real” job feels like the right fit. Plain and simple, that’s the reality I’m facing right now. I officially finished my college schooling at the end of April this year, and the result left my future as a giant void of uncertainty. I went to school for animation, but learned the numerous realities of this field and what that means for me, and I discovered I wasn’t cut out for it. I have the skills, for sure, but everything that comes with a studio job sounds like an endurance test that I cannot complete, despite how much I love animation. Even freelance sounds like a terrifying expedition, especially with the added uncertainty of income that comes with it. I have no faith in myself right now, not even when I make art for fun. I cannot answer the question of why someone would choose me over anyone else for commissions, and I’m not assertive enough to convince them otherwise. Hell, I can’t even convince myself. I need time that I don’t have to establish any sort of traction online or anywhere else, but if my heart isn’t in it, than what is? I went to a job fair for animation recently, and as I looked around and saw my peers and faculty amongst the massive crowd of people, all from the same place as me, I felt completely and utterly alone. Deviating from the desire for a typical job in animation feels like a betrayal to the people that spent 3 years of their lives teaching me that subject, or being by my side to be taught with me. I’m sorry, guys.

Everyone has separate and wildly different expectations of me. Even my likeminded peers, but especially my family. They all assume my life will go a certain way or I’ll pursue certain avenues, but they probably don’t know any different based on what they know about me (we’ll get to that). I don’t have enough confidence to justify a change in these plans. Every family gathering feels like a status report, and it gets awkward if I don’t tell them something they’ll find satisfying. So I either don’t tell them or I lie, which is a trend I really don’t want to keep going, but it feels like the only way on most occasions. It’s easier to live the lie than go through the unnecessary struggle of the truth, especially with my family and their ability to blow everything out of proportion.

So many people don’t know the real me, and I have no idea how to explain it to them. I can’t talk to people, not even ones I know. Meeting new people sounds like an ordeal, so I don’t go out of my way to do it. That said, I can’t convince myself that I’m a person that someone would even want to know. I used to have someone who knew me better than anyone, and only now do I realize how much I relied on her for that support. I felt more comfortable with myself back then than I’ve ever felt before, and I miss feeling that way. We were dumb in high school, but we were dumb together, and that’s all that mattered. Every friendship I’ve ever had up to this point was a product of circumstance (school), and I wonder if that was the only thing that kept us together. History so far would say yes. Now that that’s no longer a part of my life, what happens now?

I love so many things, but can’t express my love for them. Both online and in person, the result is the same: fear. I feel like an outsider to fandoms that I would otherwise be a part of, I have no confidence to talk to people about the same things I like, I’ve never tried writing fanfiction because I feel unworthy to write stories about characters that aren’t mine, I’ve never tried making AMVs because I don’t have ships or really any ideas for them. I fear that whatever I’d share about these subjects isn’t worthwhile, and simply doing so is a waste of someone’s time. I keep hearing “no one cares” in my head, and “I do” is not a good enough rebuttal. I feel like I’m always being watched when I make art and have to be prepared to explain at length why I did every aspect of it, waiting for someone to call me out on something. Any idea that’s even remotely weird or “out there” comes with a wave of “what will people think of this?”, especially if it deviates from what I usually make. I love my OCs but even talking about them makes my brain jump ship every time. If I think the person won’t “get” the idea behind them, I am reluctant to explain more than base details, which misses the point entirely. Unless someone actively responds to everything I say in some way, I feel like I’m wasting their time and I shouldn’t continue. And even then I’m not a good enough verbal communicator to remember crucial details or their order in the moment. Every idea I’ve ever had sounds incredibly stupid the minute I have to explain it out loud, as I usually don’t have enough time to explain everything in the way I want to. And when I do get going, I talk way too much.

Even this post comes with its own set of fears regarding it’s length, it’s content, and whether it’s even worth saying at all. I still have no idea what to do or where I belong. Does it even matter?

...do I?

[jadienjaystoriesandart]

A Little Bit More About Myself

Hello!

So, sometimes I get asked questions when I might comment or reblog some things, but never in my inbox. So, I decided today to tell a bit more about myself and what I do.

Somethings on here might be a bit controversial, I’ll try to keep most my political beliefs out of the picture, as I do believe your political self should have no value in you as a person. Even though some people let it, but I will tell you were I lie on the spectrum.

So, first question: What is your Political Spectrum?

Answer: I’m a Moderate, I tend to lean a bit more to the idea that we should be equal though. I believe in rights for LGBTQA, (I think is the spelling for it, I feel like every time I see it another letter is added.), I believe in Pro-choice, and firmly am on the side that your shoulder treat others like decent human beings. However, I also believe that both sides can have their extremists, and both sides can be just as crazy as the other, I’ve seen them both use the same fallacy tactics in arguments, and both can be shitty people if they want to be. (This doesn’t mean I can’t fuck up either, I am human.)

2nd Question: What do you Identify as? (Both sexually and gender based?)

Answer: I tend to go by She/Her pronouns, since, by medical based ideas, I was ���born’ a girl. However, I also tend to lean towards Non-Binary, they/them, as since I was young I tended to not care if I looked like a boy to other people, what can I say means clothing is WAY more comfortable some some women’s clothing. (Especially jeans) and long hair is a PAIN for me as I get headaches alot. Really I never cared if I was called Male or Female or They. By this point my friends call me all three, and I’m fine with this, it feels right. 

As for my sexuality, I am Biromantic, or in long terms, I am a Bisexual Asexual. Meaning I like both males and females, trans or not, in a romantic sense. I can’t really get behind sex as an action because the idea seems weird, disgusting, a all kinds of ‘ug’ to me. Does this mean I may never have sex? Most likely, but Ace people can still have sex so we’ll see.  I think tend to lean more to females though, as I’ve found when a guy asks me out I get VERY uncomfortable. I dislikes the idea of dating, and always get VERY BAD anxiety when asked out, and even when doing platonic cuddling. Yet I’m find when it’s with friends... so meh?

3rd Question: What is your spiritual belief?

Answer: Really I believe in many gods, I am on the, I guess one could call wiccan belief. In which I think I have two parental figures for gods, to explain it’s the idea that two or more gods take a ‘liking’ to you, and they are you main ones that help you in your spiritual journey.  I do cleansing and tarot card readings, as well as alchemy stones and pendulums. Scarily I’ve been pretty accurate on alot of things in my life uses these methods. So, it’s proof enough for me, but maybe not to others.  I also do believe in spirit animals, more on that next.

4th Question: Spirit Animals?

Answer: There is always this negative idea around belief in ‘spirit animals’ so I’ll elaborate.  No, I am not otherkin, which is the idea in the past you believe your were a fantasy or other creature/animal(at least that SEEMS to be the general idea, the definition I finds changes alot from person to person). Never once felt like I was something else, animal or such, in the past, but I do believe in past lives so whose to say what I was. (I mean, it doesn’t say anywhere in past lives or reincarnation that we WILL be human so...) Spirit animals to me are guides of your inner self, traits that manifest into beings that represent them. For instance one of mine is a Hawk, which means my inner self is very perceptive and careful, which yeah, I am. These guides typically are just reflections of your mind put into form when you meditate. At least, that’s how I see it.

5th Question: Are you anything else you want to share?

Answer: Yes actually, I am a furry. Before you start, no, furry is not always a kink people have. Furry can be just the liking of dressing up as an antro animal. Which I happen to like cosplaying and I like animals with human likeness, I mean we all watched Disney so... I just like dressing up as one.  And for those that want to know, my Fursona is a hybrid, a Bluejay Wolf, her backstory is that she can’t fly as her feathers are woven with fur between them, making it hard for her to fly, she can glide for a short period of time. 

6th Question: What are some of your favorite fandoms?

Answer: That’s hard to say, I like cartoons alot, like Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, lots of late 90′s and early 2000′s ones. I like the comic series of The Arcana, and I also like Sander Sides. Lots of amines too, I am a bucket full of many fandoms and sometimes I tend to for a year just go crazy over one. Not sure why, just do.

7th Question: What do you do mostly on here?

Answer: Mostly I love writing more than drawing, though I can draw I tend to find my mind gets away with me. And where I suck as comic drawing, I find writing to be easier to get them out.  I always seem to be coming up with new ideas for AU’s, like I legit have a Sander Sides RWBY AU I’m thinking about, and another one that is already fleshed out. 

8th Question: You seem to bounce around or repeat yourself alot? Why?

Answer: Guys, I’m VERY forgetful, memory for me isn’t the best. I don’t mean to pester people, it’s not that I’m sending asks because I am annoyed or trying to be. It’s because I forget if I ever did send it to your or not.  I may have done something like this once before, but can’t remember at all. Friends think I have ADHD, the more I live, the more inclined I am to think so too.

9th Question: Are asks open?

Answer: Since starting up AU’s people like, I decided to finally open my ask box. So Yes, they are open. 

10th Question: Any OCs?

Answer: Actually yeah, lots. Jade is my avatar and she has a whole backstory with her. I also have Christopher, my go to guy for most things. Vanitas is my Minecraft OC, yes I be a KH fan what of it? There is also Jackie, my female OC who I use.  I may or may not have came up with my own ‘sides’ out of boredom one day. lol. Lots of OC’s, happy to talk about them if honest.

11th Question: Do you go to college or something?

Answer: Yes, and Covid thanks for killing me with online English and Biology. While my teachers have it put together what they want us to do, still doesn’t help when the deadlines are all over the place. I have a degree in Horticulture, if you have plant raising questions just ask. But I was getting a business degree before my teacher screwed me over after my grandfather died. And I also have a Art Education one that I could transfer with... Not sure yet, we’ll see. 

CLOSING NOTES?

I’m happy to answer anymore if you guys are curious, let me know if you want them private or not. But these is a bit more about myself.