#not sure i want to have a debt related to trips

[lire-casander]

debating whether or not to ask for a loan to face all the expenses that will come out of the four (!!!!) trips i have booked from now until may 2025

[thankskenpenders]

The Knuckles show

The announcement of a live action Knuckles streaming miniseries was surprising, to say the least. I mean, what would such a show even be about in a version of the Sonic universe with no Angel Island and barely any characters from the games around? Is he gonna go treasure hunting with the gang from Montana or something? Would a streaming miniseries have the CGI budget to squeeze in any new game characters, even briefly? Rouge? Amy? At least one member of Team Chaotix? Anyone?

Now the show is finally out, and it turns out what they actually made was a comedy show about bumbling deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, the minor comic relief character played by Adam Pally who you might not even remember all that well from the first two movies, with Knuckles as his sidekick. While, yes, Knuckles does get a decent amount of screentime and opportunities to punch bad guys and do cool moves from the games, large stretches of this show focus on Wade's personal life, to the point that a couple times I almost forgot I was watching a Sonic-related show. If you're judging it purely by the metric of how well it adapts and engages with its source material, this surely must be one of the worst adaptations the Sonic franchise has ever seen.

So then, despite some huge complaints... why do I kinda like it?

(This will contain full spoilers for the Knuckles show.)

A brief summary of what the show is actually about because I know half of you aren't going to watch it

The show picks up not too long after the end of the second movie. Knuckles is now living in Montana with Sonic, Tails, and the Wachowskis out of a sense of debt to them, though he doesn't really see it as his home. He doesn't feel like he belongs on Earth, and his life currently lacks direction. After communing with the ghost of Pachacamac, though, Knuckles is instructed to keep his culture alive by teaching "the ways of the echidna warrior" to a new apprentice: deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, who's currently more concerned about winning a bowling tournament in Reno than anything else.

Things are complicated by the interference of two rogue GUN agents - Agent Willoughby, played by Ellie Taylor in a bad wig, and Agent Mason, played by Kid Cudi. (Yes, the artist behind the second movie's credits song is one of the bad guys in this.) They want to steal Knuckles' power and sell it to a former associate of Robotnik's played by Rory McCann (The Hound from Game of Thrones), who now works as a black market arms dealer. Yes, they're still doing the thing where Sonic and friends' quills radiate some kind of super-energy that the bad guys all want. No, I don't particularly love this element of the Paramount Sonic continuity. Anyway, they go after Knuckles and Wade, complicating their straightforward road trip to Reno. Antics ensue.

The Wade show

So here's the thing. While the first episode focuses largely on Knuckles, the entire rest of the show is very much the story of Wade, and by extension the other original human characters invented for this miniseries.

Episode 2 is about Wade having to rescue Knuckles from captivity after the GUN agents get him. Knuckles spends most of the episode in a cage.

Episode 3 is about introducing Wade's Jewish family, including his slightly overbearing mother and weird sister, so that Knuckles can learn about their family traditions and have Shabbat dinner with them (and then save them from bounty hunters that the GUN agents hired).

Episode 4 only features Knuckles at the very beginning and very end of the episode, probably for less than a minute total. Wade is captured by a bounty hunter he personally knows, and Knuckles decides to let that be a trial for Wade to overcome on his own.

The last two episodes feature the climactic showdowns with the GUN agents and their arms-dealing ally, who comes in with a mech for the obligatory final boss fight. You'd think this would be Knuckles' time to shine, but really, these episodes are mostly about the bowling tournament in Reno where Wade encounters his estranged father, wrapping up his own personal arc. While Knuckles does get some fights, a lot of the finale is spent on lengthy bowling scenes where Knuckles isn't in the room or even mentioned. It frequently feels more like a spiritual successor to '00s sports comedy movies like Dodgeball, Talladega Nights, or Blades of Glory than it does a part of the Sonic franchise, and the presence of ESPN 8: The Ocho commentary in the finale only drives those Dodgeball comparisons home. They get so immersed in the bowling stuff that it's genuinely hilarious when the show suddenly pivots and remembers "oh shit we still need to do the final boss fight"

Throughout all this, Wade is the protagonist. He's the character we spend more time with, he's the character who drives most of the major events, he's the character who gets more of an arc. The emotional core is Wade's journey. Knuckles is still present - sometimes, at least - but he's there as Wade's wingman, and also just as the excuse for there to be some fight scenes.

How much Sonic stuff is actually in this show?

Honestly? Not much.

Sonic and Tails are only in the first episode. Sonic gets some good scenes, but Tails gets a grand total of five lines. I counted. Unsurprisingly, Jim Carrey is absent as Robotnik, though he does get mentioned a fair bit. (For that matter, basically the entire established human cast beyond Wade is absent, even including Tom, though Maddie is there in episode one.)

GUN is involved in the story, which helps it feel slightly more connected to Sonic, but it kind of feels like it's GUN in name only. They don't use any recognizable GUN tech, and they don't call in the military. It's just two agents in suits. They might as well be the Men in Black.

The Master Emerald is mentioned as something Knuckles has to guard, but it's never seen. Angel Island is pictured as a drawing during the show's intro, appearing exactly how it does in Sonic 3, but it's never referenced at all beyond that.

I guess the climax taking place in and around a Reno casino is a reference to Sonic's many casino-themed levels. That's something. I'll give them that.

Oh, and if you're wondering if this is the point where we finally start to get actual music from the games: no, it's not. The soundtrack consists of a lot of '80s needle drops, many of which are generic Hollywood picks like "Holding Out for a Hero" for the billionth time, thought it at least has some slightly less obvious picks than the Mario movie. The theme song is '80s rock song "The Warrior" by Scandal. You'll hear it many times. You'll hear the Adventure era Knuckles raps zero times in this. You'll briefly hear classic A Tribe Called Quest song "Can I Kick It?" before Knuckles takes the question too literally and breaks the radio in Wade's car.

Beyond a handful of surface level references for nerds (one of which is admittedly wild - we'll get to that), this is probably the least an officially licensed adaptation of Sonic the Hedgehog has ever tried to actually engage with its source material. I struggle to think of another Sonic adaptation that has less to do with Sonic. For as much shit as I and countless others have given Penders for seemingly ignoring the content of the games in favor of building his own convoluted mythos, his Knuckles comics honestly included way more elements from the games than this show does.

Somehow, the one new(-ish) Sonic character introduced in this is the ghost of Pachacamac of all characters. Not even Tikal! Pachacamac! A very minor character nobody has particularly strong feelings about! You can't even use the excuse that they already had the character model, because they completely redesigned him compared to his cameo in the first movie to better match his Sonic Adventure design. And he's voiced by Christopher Lloyd! Honestly, so many of his lines are strained that it sounds like he's on death's door here, but then he'll surprise you with a more casual line like "just do it, man" and it catches me so off guard that I can't help but laugh.

Pachacamac here has basically nothing to do with the game character he takes his name and appearance from. Where the game character was a cruel warlord who kicked off a 3000 year cycle of violence, Paramount Pachacamac is now just this chill old man who gives Knuckles (and later Wade) advice in two episodes of the show. Hell, he also feels completely disconnected from his established role in the movies, where he's literally the guy who shot Longclaw. The show will not grapple with this contradiction at all. He's just here to be a thing fans like me will recognize from the games. Again, if that's all they wanted, it's kind of baffling that they didn't just use Tikal.

I don't love Knuckles in this

But what about Knuckles himself? Well, he doesn't feel all that much like Knuckles to me. Ironically, he sometimes feels like one of the weaker elements in his own show.

Back when the second movie came out, I noted that Knuckles' characterization seemed to be pulling heavily from MCU Thor as a gallant warrior from an archaic alien culture who doesn't really understand modern day Earth stuff. That worked for me in that movie. It was just there for spice. Just a little extra flavor for the character in what was otherwise a very faithful adaptation of Knuckles' storyline in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Without those familiar elements grounding him and with a much higher reliance on comedy, Idris Elba's Knuckles becomes a pretty one-note character in this.

In damn near every scene with Knuckles, he's going to say something about being a proud, honorable echidna warrior, or brag about his glorious feats of strength, or be confused about some Earth thing and call it sorcery, or act like every other character is also a member of some noble warrior clan. He still has his moments for sure, but this schtick kinda gets old fast, and it just doesn't feel like Knuckles to me. His entire character feels derived from the scene in the diner where Thor smashes the cup on the ground and goes "Another!" Sure, I can picture game Knuckles smashing a radio to turn it off and being a little too gung-ho about busting holes through walls. That's Knuckles behavior. But building a barbarian combat pit in the living room so the Wachowski family dog can fight the mailman? Nope. That's some other guy now. It really does just feel like them taking a broad character archetype from something popular that kinda sorta fits Knuckles and just running with that, rather than trying to actually adapt the character.

Oh, but don't worry, he wears the OVA hat for like two minutes! AND he loves grapes! See, Sonic nerds? We read the wiki! That's his favorite food! Grapes! This is gonna come up like five times!

Knuckles kind of gets an arc here, but not as much as Wade does. I think the stuff about him starting to feel at home on Earth thanks to Wade's mom and the way he connects with their Jewish family traditions is oddly sweet. This arc is kind of let down, though, by the fact that Knuckles' heritage is treated as a complete joke. He's a cartoonish pastiche of various historical warrior cultures stuck together in a blender and used mostly for comedic effect. When Pachacamac's ghost appears, he's reading a newspaper and bemoaning the fact that the Mets lost again. This is not the place for a serious examination of Knuckles' feelings on being the last of his kind.

This is far from the only time the show undercuts itself with its jokes and attempts at self-parody. In the first episode, for instance, Knuckles clashes with GUN Agent Mason and his tech-enhanced punches, leading to an extremely on-the-nose inversion of the "Do I look like I need your power?" scene showcased in the trailer for the second movie. Except this time, Agent Willoughby butts in and points out how stupid that line is in this new context, since they're literally trying to steal Knuckles' power. The fight can't just be cool, they have to get cute with it. A lot of stuff like that happens in this show.

Given all these complaints, the first two episodes left me thinking I'd be fairly negative on this show overall. This seemed like the version of the show from the fandom's collective nightmares, one that undoes all of the progress the movie series seemed to have been making towards faithfulness to the games. Like, just look at these cast posters. Is this what you want out of Sonic? Do these excite you?

But then, something strange happened. Over time, I just kind of let the jokes and shenanigans wash over me and basked in how fucking weird this show is.

And I started to actually enjoy it.

Look. The Wade & Knuckles Show was never going to be peak Sonic. But that sure as hell doesn't mean it can't be entertaining.

This show is so fucking goofy

Here's the thing.

The show is funny.

Unlike a lot of other people, I didn't hate all the wedding stuff in Hawaii in Sonic 2, because I thought a lot of it was funny, both in its actual jokes and in the ways in which they tied everything back to Sonic. Tom looking wistfully at some bodybuilders doing Top Gun shit and spraying each other with beer and being like "I wish Sonic had that" is weirdly funny. The twist that those muscle bros are all agents of the newly formed GUN, who orchestrated the wedding as an elaborate scheme to catch Sonic, is funny. Mr. Olive Garden becoming the fucking GUN Commander is VERY funny. Are any of these elements of my dream Sonic movie? No, of course not. But my dream Sonic movie was never gonna happen in live action.

The Knuckles show follows up on the comedy of the previous films by being probably the funniest live action Sonic release yet. Did every joke land for me? God no. There are some stinkers in there that made me roll my eyes. But enough of them landed that it worked out for me overall. A big part of this is the fact that they've got a good cast of actors and/or comedians here.

Adam Pally is funny as Wade, and I found myself liking him more and more as a character as the show went on. He becomes an oddly endearing loser, with some sweet moments in his personal arc that made me feel for the guy. I like Wade more than Tom now, thanks to this show. I will now be happier to see Wade in Sonic 3 than I would have been previously.

The supporting cast is frequently great, too, many of whom are playing completely cartoonish, over-the-top characters. They took a cue from how exaggerated Carrey's performance was as Robotnik and decided to just abandon all pretense that this is the real world. Stockard Channing as Wade's mom is funny, and carries some of the more sincere parts of the show. Cary Elwes as Wade's very British dad who abandoned him as a child to run off and be the world's most egotistical professional bowler is funny. Edi Patterson as Wade's sister Wanda is... well, she's kinda trying too hard, but she has her moments. The Mighty Boosh co-creator Julian Barratt(!!) as a scenery-chewing bounty hunter, who was also somehow Wade's former best friend and bowling partner, is VERY funny. I love this guy.

(Honestly, they should let more people who were on Garth Marenghi's Darkplace be in Sonic stuff. Where's Matt Berry)

This is kind of a stacked cast for a bunch of stupid side characters in a live action Knuckles show! And honestly, that just makes it funnier to me. Even when they're not funny, the fact that this exists makes it funny. They somehow convinced Paramount to give them a bunch of money to make a spiritual successor to Dodgeball about a schlubby guy who wants to beat his dad at a bowling tournament... except also Knuckles the fucking Echidna is there as his personal life coach. My life is richer for the fact that I can say that sentence. I think about all the little kids who are probably watching this show this weekend, going in expecting a show about Knuckles the Echidna and having to sit through extensive bowling scenes and lore about Wade's family, and sorry kids, but I just have to laugh. Wade isn't even on the poster! The poster is just a picture of Knuckles!! They punked those kids!!!

In a franchise where every single aspect is so carefully micromanaged these days, it feels truly special to get an adaptation this bonkers. It frequently appeals to the same part of me that enjoys the fact that there's an officially licensed Knuckles comic in which Charmy Bee's best friend (also a bee) dies of an accidental LSD overdose from a drug-laced chili dog. Or like, everything about the original 1993 Super Mario Bros. movie. Or the fact that they made seven direct-to-DVD sequels to Alpha and Omega, one of which is half a retread of the adventure from the first movie (with more annoying supporting characters in tow this time) and half a literal clip show of the first movie. The sheer absurdity of the fact that these things exist is charming to me. Except, with the Knuckles show, it has the added benefit of frequently being funny on purpose! This is why I'm not sure I'd call it "so bad it's good." Like, it's not amazing, but there were a lot of parts that I enjoyed in the exact way I was supposed to enjoy them.

Look. Here's a list of real lines of dialogue from the Sega-approved Knuckles the Echidna streaming show that they're billing as a pillar of the Paramount+ lineup, to drive this point home. Let these marinate for a minute:

"I only eat grapes, and Cool Ranch Doritos™."

"Annihilate this little girl, Wade. Crush her spirit. Humiliate her so badly her parents won't even look at her again." "Doesn't that seem like we're going a bit far?" "Not far enough."

"So is he Jewish?" "Half, I think."

"I had a friend who when he listened to Alien Ant Farm he could lift a Toyota Corolla over his head."

"I'm in dire financial straits. Due to my lawsuit against an unnamed rainforest-themed restaurant franchise, I don't have two pennies to my name."

"We're here in sunny Reno, Nevada, which is so close to Hell you can smell the sparks."

"You can't threaten me with your Jewish karate chops because I am a federal agent."

"I will say, regardless of how you feel about child abandonment - and I'm against it! - the deals at TJ Maxx can't be beat."

This is a Sonic show in which they got Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel to appear as ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators.

This is a show where Wade's mom insists upon pronouncing "Knuckles" with the throaty Hebrew "ch" sound, and declares that Knuckles is basically Jewish. Later, they watch Pretty Woman together while enjoying a nice slice of key lime pie. Knuckles comments: "I don't understand. This young streetwalker with a heart made of gold, why do the others treat her with such disdain? Is it so wrong to walk the streets?"

This is a show where the fourth episode is directed by one of the guys from The Lonely Island and features a hallucinatory low budget rock opera stage musical put on by the ghost of Pachacamac. It recounts Knuckles' life story, with Wade playing Knuckles and the "evil" Longclaw played by the bounty hunter guy who's played by the Mighty Boosh guy.

Look at this.

And also, Knuckles' singing voice is provided by Michael Bolton, which they proudly announce in the middle of the musical.

And also...

Also...???

IBLIS IS IN IT????????????

Yes, Iblis!

From Sonic '06!!

Knuckles is said to have looked for a mythical power called the "Flames of Disaster" to avenge his clan, which ended up being the power that was within him all along that lets him do fire punches yadda yadda yadda. As part of this, he apparently fought Iblis off-screen at some point, as conveyed with the giant singing papier-mâché Iblis in the musical.

...Then Iblis sings about hitting up Facebook Marketplace

How? How does any of this exist? Why reference '06 of all games? How did Iblis get into the live action Sonic movie universe before Amy and Metal Sonic? Why are they using Iblis and the term "Flames of Disaster" in such a goofy way that completely disregards their original context?

I don't know. I don't know how any of this happened. But I love it. We got a Knuckles miniseries in which Michael Bolton sings the phrase "the Flames of Disaster." The world is a beautiful place sometimes.

Some people will tell you to skip episode four. "Knuckles is barely even in it," they say. "It's dumb and pointless," they say. "They clearly just ran out of special effects budget," they say. These are people whose opinions you should disregard. The episode with the least Knuckles in it is somehow the most entertaining episode of the show. I would, in fact, go as far as to say that if you only decide to watch one episode of the Knuckles show to see what goofy bullshit they get up to, it should be this one.

I cannot be mad at this show. It's so dumb, but it completely owns the fact that it's a dumb and unnecessary spinoff. Inferiority is baked into its very DNA. It's very self-consciously redoing the premise of the first movie, but stupider. It's about The Other Cop from the movies, instead of the competent one. Instead of being into a "cooler" sport, his life revolves around professional bowling. Instead of going to Vegas, he goes to Reno. Even his tragic backstory that shaped his entire life sucks. He was abandoned by his pro bowler dad in a TJ Maxx. Not even a nicer department store. A fucking TJ Maxx. This whole show is a Dril tweet.

They put a ton of effort into making it dumb in an occasionally spectacular way. So much effort was put into that joke rock opera that fans will just write off as stupid filler. They put their whole pussies into it. This is not a poorly made show. This has better production values than half the shit made for Disney+. This was made with love. Maybe not as much love for the Sonic the Hedgehog series of video games as we'd like, but it's love nonetheless.

Maybe this show broke me and these are the ramblings of a madwoman. Maybe I'm just really nostalgic for the '90s and '00s comedy movies all the Wade stuff is modeled after. Maybe the Alan Wake fan in me just really loves it when a story pivots to a silly rock opera for no real reason. I won't discount any of these possibilities. This isn't high art. This isn't something I would recommend to anyone with zero interest in Sonic, and it also isn't going to sway Sonic fans who hate the Paramount universe. I really can't blame them for being bewildered by this show. But for a specific type of person, this is the absurd three-star Sonic-adjacent comedy miniseries of your dreams. It's a mid masterpiece.

Again, I just have to step back, realize the fact that this shouldn't exist, and smile. Sega's too afraid to do stupid bullshit with the franchise like this these days. And I can't blame them, after years of Sonic being a treated as a laughingstock. But part of me misses some of the goofy shit. No matter how much I tore some of the Archie comics apart as I was reading them for this blog, I just look back on stuff like Cal and Al or the Many Hands issues and laugh. And that same part of me looks at this show about Knuckles being the sidekick to this fucking guy, and just goes...

"We're so back."

In conclusion, I genuinely think this was a more enjoyable TV show than Sonic Prime.

I wouldn't go back and rewatch Sonic Prime anytime soon, aside from maybe, like, a couple of the Shadow-heavy episodes. Huge stretches of that show bored me to tears. The writers squandered all of that show's potential. But I would rewatch the Knuckles show, which takes a terrible premise and has a lot of fun with it, in a heartbeat. Even the bowling parts. The bowling scenes in the Knuckles show are more engaging than 70% of the fights in Sonic Prime. I am not trolling. I mean that sincerely, with all my heart. Don't @ me.

Stray observations

There is effectively zero meaningful setup for the third movie in this, unless Wade's family or the two GUN agents come back or something. Project Shadow is not mentioned in this. There is no secret post-credits scene with Gerald

The CGI in this is pretty good. Not quite on par with the movies, but pretty good. Sonic's weird forehead wrinkles are distracting in his scenes though. Please fix that

I wouldn't say I liked this as much as the second movie, which obviously gets a ton of points for, you know. The Cool Sonic Shit. But I had more fun with it than the first movie, which I still feel is a painfully generic family movie that was only saved by Tyson's redesign

"Grapes are an interesting choice for someone who doesn't use his individual fingers."

Agent Willoughby was apparently the one at GUN who had to buy the Olive Garden gift cards and set up the fake wedding. Her origin story is that she hated doing shit like that and wanted to go fight aliens

This miniseries contains another Keanu namedrop because Wade's childhood bedroom has a Speed poster on the wall. I swear, if Sonic doesn't say Shadow sounds just like Keanu...

Knuckles is familiar with Paul Blart Mall Cop

Near the end the ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators say that the 1974 Reno bowling championship was also interrupted by an extraterrestrial, and given that was exactly 50 years ago I can't write off the possibility that that was Shadow. Please for the love of god give us a sequel series after the third movie where Wade takes Shadow the Hedgehog bowling. I need this more than I need air

[imagopirateversion]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales; Why It Shouldn’t Exist

Or how I invested time and energy into an analysis of a relatively dead franchise instead of doing it for my actual media analysis university course.

An essay by: a bitter and obsessed PotC fan since they were 7, with a lot of free time.

Lads, this is going to be long. You have been warned.

The Beginning

At the very beginning of the movie, we see a young Henry Turner looking for his dad.

Now, we're not talking about characterization problems or how likely it is that a ten-year-old child would risk his life to look for a man he technically only saw once; we're talking about plot problems, actual logical fallacies. My questions are:

How? The Flying Dutchman is a legendary ship, impossible to be found unless She wants to be found. The only reason we see Her in Dead Man's Chest is because Davy Jones himself is looking for Jack to collect his debt, and in that occasion the Dutchman's captain wasn't even doing what he was supposed to do, so he was most definitely in the living world. Will otherwise, he's doing the job Calypso gave him, so he's constantly in between. Is the movie trying to convince me that a kid was able to do something no one in the history of piracy was ever able to do? And even if he did, why hasn't anyone explained me how? He simply looks at a map and throws himself on the bottom of the ocean. How did he know The Dutchman was there? How did he know it would've come to surface?

Where is his mom? We got to know Elizabeth in the first three movies; we know she's a smart woman and we can assume she's an attentive mother. She didn't notice her son preparing himself for a trip in the middle of the ocean to go look for his dad? Was she distracted? Was she outsmarted by a 10ish-year-old? Or is she just not contemplated in this scenario?

Why does Will look like that? Will is doing his job, so... why does he look like he's slowly corrupting? That kind of corruption is the punishment Calypso reserves to The Dutchman's crew when the captain fails her, which isn't the case. Did they forget about it? Was the idea of putting algae on Orlando Bloom's face just impossible to resist to?

Alright, this isn't actually from this movie but it's bothering me, so I have to write it; also, it would make this whole movie unnecessary, so it's somehow related to it. Why (and I can't stress this enough) can't Elizabeth be on the Dutchman? Why can't they do the job together? Is it because she's not a pirate? I'm pretty sure se actually is. Is it because she's a woman? Last time I checked she was the KING. She wants to stay with Will forever, Will wants to stay with her forever, they can literally live forever on the same ship. Why aren't they?

Whatever the Hell Happened to Jack Sparrow

Imagine creating a character that is so iconic whenever you ask a person who was a kid in the early 2000 to imagine a pirate, they imagine said character.

Now imagine fourteen years pass and you decide to ruin that character by making him the most hideous, annoying, idiotic person in the whole saga, and we're talking about a saga that has Philip the Missionary in it. Why? Jack Sparrow is THE anti-hero. Never on the right side, but never on the wrong one. You can tell he's doing something morally questionable, but you still find yourself rooting for him. He's stupid enough to make you laugh, but he's secretly clever enough to always get away with it. Now he's just... drunk. And that's not even an excuse for this horrendous new characterization, because he was always drunk. The guy FORGOT HE WAS ROBBING A BANK, the same guy just one movie earlier was able to escape from the King of England's palace and steal a lady's earring (by pretending to be a literal slut) in the process. He just switched from the iconic drunk bi bestie everyone loves to my cringe uncle that drinks too much at Christmas parties and makes everyone uncomfortable. Please, if the risk is ruining an entire generation's beloved character, either don't make the movie or find a better explanation than "Bad luck dogs you day and night".

The Pearl in The Bottle

So... what you're telling me is that Jack Sparrow, the guy who was able to defeat Hector Barbossa, Davy Jones and Blackbeard thanks to his slyness, and who loves his Black Pearl more than anything else in the world, had said ship in a bottle in his pockets for FIVE YEARS... and he never thought about breaking the bottle to free Her. That's what you're telling me. This is the pivotal point upon which the entire Jack's plot hinges. I... I don't even know what to say. Was this supposed to be funny?

What an Incredibly Lucky Coincidence

A guy needs a treasure to save his father. To find it, he needs the help of a notorious and legendary pirate. He looks for him everywhere, sailing on dozens of ships just so he has the remote chance to stumble across the pirate. The last ship he's been on has sinked, he's the only survivor. He's been found in the middle of the ocean and someone brought him to the nearest city. Which city? I mean, the one that has both the pirate he was looking for and a lady who's the only person in the whole planet who's able to find the treasure he was looking for! And, oh my... he finds the both of them! In that same city! Without even LOOKING FOR THEM! A hell of a coincidence, if you ask me. Also known as lazy writing.

What's Wrong With the Guards?

Now, I know Pirates of the Caribbean isn't exactly known for its accurate historical reconstructions, but why are the guards in this movie acting like they're some sort of hellhounds ready to kill anyone in sight? Even pirates and traitors as Jack and Henry were supposed to stand trial before being sentenced to death. It would've probably been an unjust and barbaric trial, but there should've been one. We literally saw it, in the previous movie. Why's Jack been sentenced to death for simply existing here? He gave pirate vibes and they decided that was enough?

Paul McCartney

This is not an actual point of the analysis, I just wanted to remind people that Paul McCartney is in this movie and that's the only valid reason to watch it.

Salazar

I am confused. Once again, I have questions.

El Matador Del Mar was so good at his job he had almost defeated piracy. "The last ones joined together to try and defeat me". The last what? Pirates? There were no pirates left? This happened when Jack was young, so a lot of time before the first movie, right? Where were, I don't know... Blackbeard? Davy Jones? Barbossa? All the other Pirate Lords? I might be wrong, but I guess Salazar didn't kill them, did he? Why weren't they there during that "last battle" in which "the last ones joined together"?

The Devil's Triangle. I just don't understand what's the logic behind it. So, this is a cursed place. Whoever enters there, can't get out. One would think it means that if you get there, you die; and Salazar does die, but he somehow also becomes a ghost whose only purpose is to find Jack Sparrow and have his revenge. So, do people become ghosts when they get in The Devil's Triangle? We have to assume people have gotten stuck in there before; otherwise, there wouldn't be legends around the place. So why isn't it like full of spirits ready to haunt people? Why are Salazar and his crew the only ones?

Poseidon or Calypso?

What's the Trident of Poseidon? Does Poseidon exist? Isn't Calypso the Goddess of the sea? Breaking the Trident, you break all the curses of the sea, so the Trident must be more powerful than Calypso, which leads to a question. Where is she? She IS the sea, right? So she must have known someone was about to find the Trident and brake all curses, including her one. She just decided it was okay? It really feels like someone decided to suddenly change the world's mythology without giving explanations.

The Compass

This is possibly the most blatant plot hole in the whole saga. Probably the most blatant plot hole I've ever witnessed, and man, I watched all the Harry Potter movies. In Dead Man's Chest, Jack meets Tia Dalma in her "shop" and he tells her he's looking for the Davy Jones' key. She asks him "The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?", making another pivotal point of Dead Men Tell No Tales factually senseless.

That man couldn't have given his compass to Jack, because that wasn't his compass.

So either Salazar is lying while telling his tale or they forgot about that line in the second movie. Anyway, let's pretend that line doesn't exist; even if that captain gave Jack his compass in that exact moment, why would it be the key to free Salazar, exactly? How is the compass in any way related to The Devil's Triangle or to Salazar? In the movie, they try to explain it with a sentence: “if you betray it, your greatest fear comes true”. So, is Salazar Jack's greatest fear? I really doesn't seem right, Jack almost didn't remember Salazar when Henry mentioned him. To Jack, he's only a guy he outsmarted decades earlier. Also, Jack technically already gave the compass away, twice: to Elizabeth in Dead Man's Chest, to make her find the chest, and to Beckett in At World's End, when they're negotiating.

That's... That's Just Body Shaming, Mate

Let's talk about her. So, the woman's ugly. It can happen that a woman is ugly. Was it necessary to build an entire scene around some blatant body shaming? This scene wants to mimic the similar scene in Dead Man's Chest: Jack's on an island, running from the main villain, and he's forced to do things he doesn't want to do until someone saves him, then it was Will, now it's Hector.

Except in Dead Man's Chest it was LITERAL CANNIBALISM he was facing, and yet he looked LESS TERRIFIED and DISGUSTED. What's exactly the message here? Lads, is marrying an ugly woman worse than cannibalism? I don't know... that was just bad.

Justice for Hector Barbossa

If you know me (you probably don't, but if you do) then you know about my obsession with Hector Barbossa. I truly believe he's the best written character in the saga, and he's in my top five of the characters I love the most in all media. I watched The Curse of the Black Pearl when I was seven and I am autistic, so I had all the time to develop a literal relationship with these characters in my head. As much as Geoffrey Rush's interpretation was impeccable, as always, it really hurt to watch Hector in this movie. He just doesn't sound like him. First of all, why isn't he on the Queen Anne's Revenge? Why's he letting someone else sail around on his ships? He would've never. Why's he just sitting on a throne and shooting musicians instead of, I don't know... being a pirate? Being a pirate is the only thing that matters to him. He says it at the end of On Stranger Tides, and he even says it in this movie, to the witch. "I'm a pirate. Always will be".

So, why isn't he pirating? What happened to him? And what about the pact with the witch? He made her curse all his enemies; that's honestly the most out-of-character thing he could've done.

Seriously, watch this movie, and then The Curse of the Black Pearl and tell me he sounds like he's the same character. Then there’s his death... was it necessary? And I don't mean if it was necessary to the plot (it wasn't), but the way he died, did it make sense? He takes the sword and sacrifices himself to kill Salazar, but WHY? Salazar was back a mortal. They could've brought him to surface and then shoot him. What was the point of his death, Disney? I will never forgive you.

I would've preferred if they never showed him again. He's alive and living his best life in Tortuga, if you ask me.

How does Carina Smyth exist?

Let's do the maths. Carina Smyth has approximately the same age as Henry Turner, who was born around nine moths after the end of At World's End. At the end of that movie, Barbossa once again stole the Black Pearl (he's iconic we stan a legend), so we have to assume it is during that time (between the At World's End and On Stranger Tides) that he conceives Carina. He stays with this woman during the whole pregnancy, bacause he says he was there when she died. So nine months, at least, right? Except; Jack makes it clear that he and Barbossa met Carina's mom, Margaret, together.

When, exactly, did this happen? It can't be between On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales, because Hector himself says only five years passed between the two, and Carina doesn't look like a five-year-old;

it can't be between At World's End and On Stranger Tides, because we know Jack and Barbossa weren't together, and Hector was too busy losing a leg and planning his revenge by working for the King of England; it can't be during At World's End, because Barbossa was too busy rescuing Jack and then slaying (literally and metaphorically) Beckett's men to save piracy; it can't be during Dead Man's Chest, because he was dead; it can't be during The Curse of the Black Pearl, nor during the ten years before it, because he was... he was a skeleton, I hardly believe he could reproduce, despite what’s written in some fanficions; it can't be before, of course, because Carina would be too old. The only chance, but it's a stretch, is that Hector and Jack met this Margaret Smyth years and years before, and that at a certain point (while he was still busy slaying, losing a leg or planning his revenge), for some reason he decided to come back to her and accidentally had a daughter. That would mean that Jack remembered Margaret Smyth's name DECADES after he met her.

The Post-Credit Scene: What?

WHY'S DAVY JONES BACK? The Trident technically broke all the curses of the sea. He is THE cursed man of the sea. AND HE'S DEAD. The only answer I was able to give me, is that the moment the Trident broke the curses, the curse that said if you stab his heart he dies was also broken, so he technically didn't die, but it makes even less sense, because if the curses just aren't real anymore, then a man shouldn't be able to... carve out his heart and put it in a chest, right? (Which by the way, makes Will Turner being alive senseless as well). Even if so, Davy should've come back as a human.

My conclusion is that this movie should not exist, and we, as a community, should pretend it was never made. Hector is alive. Bye.

Imago

[akutasoda]

Hii can I request hcs with the demon bros with a teen mc who ended up being their kid? Like one day they had too much fun in the human realm and fast forward a few years later they find out the new exchange student is their kid

unknown family

synopsis - when they found out the exchange student is their child they never knew about

includes - lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor

warnings - gn!teen!reader, maybe ooc, fluff, slight angst, wc - 1.7k

lucifer ★↷

it had been a very long week for lucifer, paperwork upon paperwork piled high in his room and his brothers antics only ticked him off further. unfortunately, to add to the annoyances, diavolo had sprung a trip to the human world with him a couple days in advance - diavolo claimed it was to help him relax but it only stressed him out.

he hated knowing that his brothers were alone in the house of lamentation while he was up here in the human world, especially when he still had unfinished paperwork left organised in his room. but he hated the fact that he was so easily pushed by diavolo even more. he had been dragged out with diavolo late into the night and he had woken up even more disgruntled.

lucifer refused to speak of that night, he was embarrassed and nobody needed to know. he very happily could move on with his life and try to forget about evey dumb mistake he made.

---✩

↪he refused to believe it at first. if he even dared to admit it then he would have to admit those mistakes he made ages ago - he'd rather take them to his grave.

↪lucifer never said anything and he tried convincing himself that he could last the whole year without acknowledging your relation to him but something about diavolo's and barbato's smirks told him otherwise.

↪lucifer read your files over and over before he finally came to terms with the fact that you were his child, and now he felt conflicted. yes, you were related but would him being there now change anything?

↪he didn't exactly know how to even bring about talking to you, a small part of him wanted to become apart of your life but it'd been so long without him even knowing of your existence. so he was content to let you go about your life without him.. or he told himself.

mammon ★↷

initially, mammon had managed to get a trip up to the human worls for a fashion shoot to try and earn more money to pay off some debt he'd accumulated. unfortunately, he may or may not have gotten attracted to some nearby clubs close to where the studio was - mainly with the promises of gambling.

he intended to spend the night winning at the club and making more money but he only ended up waking up disgruntled with blurry memories. he couldn't even remember why he was at the club in the first place, he only knew that he needed to get backto the devildom before lucifer strung him from the ceiling.

---✩

↪oh how lucifer would kill him if he found it. frankly, mammon refused to believe it and he couldn't even remember when it would even be possible for him to have a kid - although considering you were already a teen, he could take a guess.

↪and to be honest, he was terrified. more terrified than if lucifer actually found out. he never could imagine himself being a father and now he found out he was and he wasn't even aware for your entire life! what would he do now?

↪would you forgive him? or do you simply hate him for never being around? mammon couldn't help but panic. he distanced himself for a while but eventually would feel more comfortable around you.

↪and he would finally be put at ease if you decided to stay, sure he'd still be nervous because he would have no clue how good of a father he could be but he'd try his hardest.

↪lucifer would eventually thank you because mammon definitely straightened up his act to try and be a good influence on you.

leviathan ★↷

levi hated going out, the human world was certainly way more out there than he would've liked but he couldn't exactly say no to lucifer. he hated it even more when asmo and mammon became so insistent on everyone going out for the night. as much as he tried to convince them to let him stay back, it didn't seem to be working.

he hated every single moment of it, asmo and mammon were trying way too harrd and wearing him down minute by minute. he'd just hoped they give up soon because they were slowly getting to him...

---✩

↪he practically shut down when he learnt that you were his child. there was absolutely no way he had one, let alone the new exchange student because of a mistake his brothers practically forced him into.

↪levi was absolutely terrified. he couldn't imagine you wanting a yucky otaku like him as a dad, especially when he didn't exactly know who you were until not too long ago.

↪it would take extremely long for levi to even be able to talk to you. he was way too embarrassed and he couldn't imagine you ever wanting to be associated with him and he was fine with that.

satan ★↷

what was meant to be a trip to the devildom turned into satan storming off and trying to find respite, to nobody's suprise. even up in the human world, his brothers could be absolutely insufferable and he needed time away before his wrath got the better of him again.

satan was surprised that his brothers had managed to annoy him this much - surely he should be used to them by now? so he wasn't exactly proud of what he did, nor did he want anyone finding out. satan would happily push it to the back of his mind and forget all about it and have nobody ask questions about anything.

---✩

↪ although it was certainly difficult to hide when you became the exchange student for the programme. at first, he had no clue - sure something about you was off but he just boiled it down to you being the exchange student.

↪but when he actually found out, he was intent on keeping it a secret. he was embarrassed, not about you per say, but about what had led to this very moment.

↪satan never exactly saw himself as the fatherly type but now he learnt he had a teen. and in honesty, he was too scared to get involved in your life now. you'd gone without him for so long and so you probably hate him right or don't even know who he is?

↪even if you stayed in the devildom, he'd be too cautious to get close to you. his brothers are probably more involved with you than he would be because he doesn't want to mess up.

asmodeus ★↷

asmo was well known for frequently nightclubs and bars, and that was no exception in the human world. sure he was more of a regular down in the devildom but sometimes when he had the chance, he enjoyed ehat the human world had to offer more. and so the avatar of lust engaged in the human world nightlife.

he never thought much of it afterwards either - he went about the rest of his human worls stay as usual. even when asmo went back to the devildom he never thought twice about that night nor any that followed. that was just how asmo went about his life.

---✩

↪he thought that there certainly was something familiar about you but he couldn't figure it out. and when he actually found out, he was left feeling rather conflicted.

↪at first he was scared. he'd never imagine himself having a child, let alone one that had practically grown up without him at all. he couldn't even imagine how to bring it up and what if you hated him?

↪but he eventually became rather excited. you were the exchange student and now he had one year to make it up for everything he missed - although that was practically impossible but he wanted to try.

↪and if you decided to stay down in the devildom with him, he'd be practically ecstatic! he couldn't wait to actually spend time with you properly and he would be sure to lay off a bit with his usual nightclubs.

beelzebub ★↷

a tripe to the human world wasn't exactly the best just after beel's team won a fangol tournament. sure it seemed like a reward of sorts but to beel it seemed like his brothers were more excited than he was. especially mammon and asmo, who specifically got everyone to go out for the night.

beel doesn't exactly remember much apart from asmo's and mammon's great insistence on everybody celebrating. he just hoped that nothing got out of hand.

---✩

↪beel was rather shocked to say the least. at first he couldn't reason when such a thing could've happened but it really did feel like the new exchange student was related to him. and he couldn't even find the words when he found out.

↪although, truth be told beel did want to be apart of your life now however. even if he hadn't been there at all, because he didn't know, he still wanted to be there from now on.

↪beel understood that you may or may not hate him, but he wanted to try his hardest.

belphegor ★↷

belphie just couldn't understand why his brothers wouldn't let him stay at the hotel and sleep. first, they drag him up to the human world and now they insist that they were all going out - albeit it was mainly mammon and asmo but still, he wished just to sleep until it was over.

if anything, his brother's were annoying him but he couldn't exactly escape because if he did, he was sure that mammon or asmo would drag him back. he just hope for it all to be over with and nothing to happen..

---✩

↪no. he refuses to believe it, there was absolutely zero way that he had a child - especially one that was the result of poor decisions ages ago. if anything he blamed his brothers.

↪he didn't exactly want people knowing but he knew that it was an impossible ask, so he was content just to let you go about your life without him still.

↪call it selfish, but he simply felt that he would mess up. you'd gotten by so far and he didn't exactly want to interfere with your life - only if you tried yourself, than he might become present in your life.

[starplusfourletters]

I finally finished the last command

and it was a romp (spoilers)

Chewie spends the whole book on the edge of a nervous breakdown but buddy you very much did that to yourself. Sure, you swear a life debt to a guy who turns out to be One of the People in the Galaxy That Things Just Keep Happening To. Bad luck, bound to happen sometimes. But then you decide that life debt extends to his wife knowing FULL WELL that Even More Things Just Keep Happening to HER, and then they go and have TWINS? That’s on you, bud.

Mara “I still do want revenge on Luke Skywalker yes definitely now hold that thought I need to go risk my life to save Leia and the twins” Jade. Mara you’re embarrassing yourself.

Actual conversation:

Leia: Thanks again for saving my life. Mara: Don’t thank me until after I’ve killed Luke which I still absolutely want to do. Leia: So uhhh why’d you do it? Mara: I’m just opposed to kidnapping. Leia: Were you kidnapped? Mara: I dOn’T wAnT tO tAlK aBoUt iT yes. Leia: ... Mara: YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT MY TROUBLED PAST?? Leia: … Mara: BECAUSE IT’S NOT Leia: … Mara: Anyway here’s the information only I can provide that will turn the tide of the war. It’s free. Friends and family discount. Leia: Thanks. Mara: I’M STILL GOING TO KILL YOUR BROTHER Leia: That’s nice, dear.

MY KINGDOM FOR GHENT. His dad boss forgets to pick him up from AV Club so he spends two months wandering unrestricted through the capital building and then cracks Enigma because he’s bored

A TWELVE-DAY Character Bonding Hiking Trip??!? Zahn’s really outdone himself this time

WAIT THIS WHOLE TIME MARA DIDN’T KNOW LUKE AND VADER ARE RELATED?? Omigod that’s HILARIOUS. I mean, yeah, I guess it just never came up? And she didn’t watch the OT movies? That’s very funny to me for some reason. I definitely assumed she’d gotten that memo

Oh man it really feels like I should have seen that reveal coming and I absolutely did not. Gawd I love the 90s. Wowowowowowow. Chef’s kiss. I have so many questions about the Bespin janitorial system

“LUUKE” I’m dying

Admiral “It appears to be a trap.” Akbar

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Good vs. Evil Star Wars content to bring you “the two Evil factions getting in each other’s way vs the two Good factions getting in each other’s way until they all realize we’ve hit the end of the book and just start attacking everything indiscriminately”

The Climactic Battle Scene:

Luke: Fighting his clone! Han: Pew pew pew pew! Mara: Psychic defense! Psychic attack! Leia: Dual wielding blaster and lightsaber! Karrde: In the back, petting his doggos and talking on his phone I was legit worried about his safety in this book. But he's not dumb; he knows he doesn't have enough plot armor to take on the Big Bad. He is simply the best there is

Wedge / Aves is the rarepair I didn’t know I needed

RUKH!!

Oh thank God the doggos are okay

So as far as I can tell Thrawn made one mistake that wasn’t just bad luck and it was doing a shit job of getting Mara out of the way. The dude really should have had MORE of his enemies killed

Thesis statement: Aww Themb! <3

Now I just need to watch someone explain this series to Ep9-era Palpatine. Preferably in the style of Worthikids.

[amechyofsorts]

Oh shit, I beat Etrian Odyssey. Pretty damn suddenly too, as I feltthat the final dungeon was dragging, and then I was suddenly at the final boss, who wasn't very difficult either.

There's definitely like a bonus dungeon of some kind, right? There's way too many undiscovered monsters in the bestiary still, so im not totally done yet im pretty sure.

The game was really fun! I can see why this is regarded so highly among dungeon crawler fans, as the combat challenge is very tightly designed and dungeon exploration is a lot of fun, with varying challenges related to it. That said, I do have some issues:

The travel time I mentioned before. There is just way too many parts in the game where you have to track across multiple floors in order to get where you want to be, unless you abuse the quicksave. Especially annoying when the game has parts with smartly placed shortcuts that cut down on the said travel time, but far more often there's just trecking through the same floors over and over.

A lot of monsters are just recolors of earlier ones. A common thing in rpgs, but for a game that has some really cool monster design, it was definitely a bummer.

Once again, my big first introduction to dungeon crawlers was Labyrinth of Refrain, and there were just some things in that game which were a big draw for me that don't seem to much be around in other games, even here in EO, which is considered by many some of the best of the genre. Your party members dont really have any personality or ways they assert themselves into the gameworld beyond a portrait. And while im fine with the overarching plot being very simple, certainly wasn't waiting for a full visual novel ala Lor, but most of the dungeons themselves have little to no fun npc's or other events to give them some character. It's a real shame, cause it definitely makes it less interesting to explore them

But overall, still really enjoyed the game. Got the other three HD rerelease games, so I'll be play them all, though definitely not in a row. Realy interested to see how the series evolved from here. And I'll be finishing up any extra content from this game so long as it doesn't start grating me.

WAIT, I should do epilogues for our heroes.

Lester would go on to very happily bask in the glory of being the guild leader of the Scrapers: the heroes who solved the labyrinths secret. He would however in time horrible bungle up attempting to franchise the guild out into a bigger business venture, resulting into him going on the run and changing his identity to avoid the horrid debts. In a farway town you may find a guy that looks remarkably similar to the man, just with a shaved head and more bent nose, working washing dishes in a tavern, strongly denying having any relation the missing guild leader.

Sir Herc would go on to live to be 106 years old, before dying of a stroke while on the commode cranking out a real big one. It was how he always had said he wanted to go out.

Sunny would go on to open the first public plastic surgery parlor in the world.

Witnessing the truth of humanity's past in the Labyrinth, Literala would go on to have serious second thoughts about the immensly powerful, and dangerous energy source they had dedicated their life to designing. They would hide the knowledge of it away, and instead put their scientific knowhow into designing a wildly successful new invention, self driving board with wheels and handles, get around town as fast as on a horse carriage for only a few coins a trip!

Tad'Hah would go back to dancing at taverns, as she realized that taking her clothes off for a live audience was actually a preferable job to her then putting her life in danger repeatedly in an underground forest. She would go on to be wrapped up in a racy scandal with the next town chieftain.

The Scrapers auxiliaries would go on to keep the guild alive after the main five left the scene, performing requests for the townsfolk and training up a next generation of adventurers. The real heroes here frankly.

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, December 21st, 2024.

What states have you been to in the past year? I haven't left the state. I haven't even gone more than an hour outside of town. Just trips to the Mountain Park.

Have you ever sleepwalked? I haven't. The thought is actually pretty terrifying, though, especially because there's a flight of stairs basically right outside my bedroom. I know some sleepwalkers can seemingly traverse such obstacles without any issue and even go so far as to drive, but still… Lol, I'd probably tie myself to the bed.

What year was your house built? I think it was built in the 1970s.

Do you feel like you have more in common with men or with women? I'm actually not sure. There are more women in my life and I spend a fair amount of time around them, so that might skew my perception. But it probably depends more on the individual than their gender.

What’s your favorite superhero movie? Not a big fan of superhero movies, so I can't say I have one.

Do you want children? Why/why not? I've never been particularly interested in having children. In the beginning, there was no clear, driving reason behind it. There still isn't, but now, layered on top of that would be mental health issues and the fact that I'm not very independent or established in my own life. I'm still trying to figure out my own existence; it would likely be disastrous to bring a child into the mix.

Do you have any credit card debt? No.

Have you ever been really late for work because you slept past your alarm? No.

Are you good at reading people? Naw. I'm pretty shit at reading people.

Who do you go to for relationship advice? I'm not in a relationship, but I go to my dad, my therapist, and occasionally my mom for work or coworker related advice.

What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Riding around the neighborhood on my bike, hanging out with friends doing whatever, swimming at Rock Canyon, going camping, etc.

What’s the longest you’ve worked without a day off? I think six days would be the longest…? So obviously nothing extreme.

Have you ever been scammed? I don't think so.

Do you know anyone who works in the tech industry in Silicon Valley? I don't.

Do you wear eyeliner? No.

Did you ever take a personal finance class in school? No. As far as I can recall, at least in high school, no such class was ever offered.

How’s your mental health? Are you feeling well? My mental health is okay…I say even though I still have occasional thoughts of suicide…or hope that whatever physical symptom I'm experiencing means I'm going to die. Lmao. But it's all relative. I'm so much more functional than I was in the past. I'm no longer so self-destructive. I have hobbies and passions and at least a shred of hope for my future. Physically, though…I know you didn't ask for this, but things have been kinda weird lately. I started having some gastrointestinal issues in late November / early December and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that gets better for a bit only to decline again. Yesterday, I had some pain near the bottom of / slightly below the middle of my ribcage that lasted all day and was practically debilitating by the time I got home from the animal shelter. I basically took a shower and went straight to bed. Didn't feel like a typical stomachache, bloat, constipation, or acid reflux. Looked up a handy-dandy anatomical buddy and it encompassed the area involving my liver, stomach, pancreas, and possibly transverse colon. And idk why I'm telling y'all this when I should be telling a doctor, but--

Did you have a Xanga page back in the pre-Myspace days? I'm actually not sure which one came first for me.

Around what year did you start using the internet, anyways? I think I would have been in 4th or 5th grade, so maybe sometime around 1998-1999.

Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? I guess…? But as far as most of them go, even if they aren't super common, people are at least familiar with them even if they don't engage in such activities themselves.

What’s something that would make you incredibly happy right now? It would make me incredibly happy as well as incredibly nervous because I wouldn't want to mess it up, but getting a job at the animal shelter. Cattery is packed with staff so I doubt they're looking to hire anyone at the moment, but hopefully the next time there's an opening. Oh, and snow for Christmas, but I don't think that's gonna happen. :'(

What did you do for your 18th birthday? I don't remember anything about my 18th birthday.

What temperature do you keep your thermostat set at in the winter? It varies.

Have you ever been to the Caribbean? No.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? A bowl of cereal and a few saltines with peanut butter. I can't trust my usual oatmeal bowl. I can't trust a lot of my routine foods these days.

What’s your favorite form of exercise? Hiking.

Have you ever drank so much that you passed out? No.

[callsign-rogueone]

Hi! It's 🦊🩵🌧 again, how have you been feeling lately, beautiful?

My mom has been in chronic pain for a while (she had some pretty bad falls in the past) and has been recovering pretty well lately, and I thought of you. She has been trying Epsom salt, Bach flowers, collagen, and music therapy. I'm not sure if you've tried some related things yet, but I thought maybe that might help you a little. I know it's not the same situation, but I wanted to try.

It's so admirable that you keep fighting and being so passionate, kind, and sweet, even though it hurts so much. Having you in this world is so beautiful, I'm glad I met you, and I'm able to share some time with you. I hope you know that.

Anyway, I'm here if you need me, I support you even from affar, and you already have a piece of my heart.

Hope this can help. Love ya♡

Always yours

-🦊🩵🌧

hi honey!! I’m feeling okay (my “normal”).

I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad she’s doing better these days! thank you for the suggestions, that’s very sweet of you 🥺💗 I’ll try those things when I get back from my trip!

every time any of you send me an ask I’m always like… “that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” you are all so lovely and I’m so glad I have you in my life, even through a screen. I’m so thankful that this book brought us together. I owe RY a life debt 😅

love you too, take care of yourself 🩵 <- finally updated my phone so I can see your emojis! I love that shade of blue, it’s so pretty!

[alyjojo]

May 🏋🏻 2024 Monthly - Libra

Preshuffle: You’re financially abundant and independent, ready to take on some goal you have in mind - could be related to travel, maybe for work. I get it’s really boring though, and not what you’re expecting. You’ll be irritated with the slowness of everything.

Meditation: You were in a ‘70s looking house (lots of yellow & orange), chatting away on a cord phone attached to a wall, with a big container of salt 🧂 that you were pouring down the kitchen sink with boiling water…oddly specific, apparently the salt is a thing - says Google. After that, you started talking about all of the bad VIBES and how you just wanted them to go away, and you salted your doors and windows before taking a handful and throwing it in the air to salt yourself too. Bad vibes be gone 💯 #saltbae

Main energy: Ace of Wands

Beautiful energy, kinda witchy even, with the meditation & Walrus talking about signs & omens. You’re in the middle of creating a whole new reality for yourself, with more passion, emotion, stability, clarity, you have all 4 Aces showing up - Pentacles being under The Magician at the bottom - who has all four Aces in his hand. You’re a magic maker this month. Your oracles again nod towards a trip, travel, getting to your destination, something about renting a car. Could be buying one too. You’re excited by this new possibility or purchase, Page of Pentacles clarifies as a contract, documents, a plan set in motion. I’m not sure how open you are about it yet, it looks like you’re waiting until the decision is made to actually speak up. Some of you could be finding romance with someone you’ve considered a friend, coworker, someone at school if you’re in school, it’s been casual & platonic.

What’s going on in May:

Ace of Cups:

You could be somewhat recently out of a past romantic connection and ready for the new, or there’s the potential for new showing up. The Magician at the bottom again could show you’re the one seeking something new. If not love, then something you do love, could be travel, a hobby, a new thing you’re studying, a new friend even - something that fills your heart with joy and love on some level. You’ve felt held back from being able to create this for yourself, either due to a lack of money, debt, or some leftover ick feelings from a past relationship. Not feeling worthy, abandonment issues, having to process the last thing that’s over with now. If you aren’t there yet, this reading shows you’re close, and that you can create whatever reality you desire for yourself.

Knight of Swords rev:

Your new person could live at a distance, this is someone you already love. Ace of Cups, 2 Cups, you’re smitten with this person. You may not know how to move this forward, Temperance shows a need for patience that you probably don’t have but also don’t have a choice. SEX is heavy on the brain, you’re obsessed with this person, seeing them as Queen of Wands with The Devil on the bottom. Could even be mutual with 2 Cups here, an equal obsession between two people that can’t keep their hands to themselves 😍 This goal or travel would be to see them. There may not be much communication about this, it’s just known, or your guards are up emotionally…maybe both of you.

Justice:

Ah, you’ve missed your opportunity before, that’s why you’re so OBSESSED with making things happen this time. Probably because of money, that seems to be the main reason coming out for you. Could just be a vacation you’re taking. This time though, things 👏 are 👏 happening! The decisions have been made, contracts or reservations are scheduled, I don’t think anything could stop you this time. You feel like this is something you’re meant to do, it lights a fire under your butt with Page of Wands, in a way most things can’t. It’s like feeling alive again 🔥

Page of Wands:

There’s a lot of communication between you and someone, maybe everyone, once a decision has been made. 9 Pentacles at the bottom, Justice is here, it could be a divorce going through - if so it’s taken awhile and has cost a lot of money. You could be free to be with the person you clearly already love. The distance could be literal for someone, but in this case it’s more of an emotional/legal wedge between you, being unable to be truly *theirs* or vice versa, someone has been otherwise engaged, legally. Through whatever blocks or missed opportunities, you’ve felt conflicted about how long something is taking, whether it was really going to end the way you hoped/thought it would, kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop. You could be apprehensive about this person being “single” now, or switch that, because…well marriage can be like being in chains ⛓️ when you don’t want to be in it. It’s not likely or common for someone to be free of the shackles and jump right back in ya know, that’s almost silly. Unless you’re famous or something, then it’s just a normal Wednesday.

Ace of Swords:

A conversation is due, I see a lot of that going on this month. Passionate, planning, honest, revealing or enlightening even - transparent communication. Truth. Saying the thing that needs to be said, that maybe you’ve avoided for some time while other things were going on. Something has blocked you before, money, other people, legalities and contracts, but I’m seeing the green light 🚦 for you now, and…depending on who is who, there’s no rush. There’s a *desire* for rushing, but the energy is more about a sigh of relief. Whew, finally. Knight of Cups clarifies with 10 Wands, this is romantic action being a burden. It’s felt, there’s genuine love, reciprocated even. But there’s pressure to go from 0 to 100 and someone here is like no…not a chance. But it’s not personal. Still, holding every Ace is powerful energy, you can go ahead and quietly celebrate your wins while also maintaining a level head and doing what’s best for you (or them). I’m not sure if sex is actually on the table, that may be disappointing. Could be, someone is obsessing over it, and has been. On the other hand, if it’s pressured then it’s coming off as a red flag 🚩 This could be like a friends with benefits thing and there’s finally a chance to shoot your shot, or switch it. Do you have a reservation for a person? 😆 There’s no rush, maybe inform them of that too. Otherwise, all your goals are a go 👍

Signs you may be dealing with:

Sagittarius, Cancer, Aries, Virgo & Leo

Oracle: ✨

Goal 📈

Purpose - Expectation - Destination

Reservation 🚘

Desire - Worth - Extravagance

Walrus 🦭

“Remain vigilant about the current situation; pay attention to signs and omens, and let them dictate your choices.”

Signs and omens show up in myriad ways, from the wind’s rustle of the trees that make it seem as if they’re whispering to you at a barely audible level, to the rainbow that appears just before an event in which you’re participating. When you’re pondering any kind of question about your life purpose, relationships, career, or even everyday concerns such as whether to actually take the vacation that you’d been planning, you can ask Spirit to give you clear and specific signs. Then watch, listen, feel, and allow thoughts to flow. While you may not always get absolutely clear responses, more often than not you’ll pick up on signs or flies through your eyes, ears, sensations in your body, or thoughts that seem to come out of the blue. You may even have remarkably lucid dreams that you can easily recall in the morning.

Look for the unusual and repetitious. For example, if you hear someone at the supermarket talking about Phoenix (auditory); spot a billboard advertisement with the word Phoenix prominently displayed (visual); and then recall a period of time when you lived in that city, feeling a calmness and joy (sensations) when you bring up that memory (cognitive), these are all clues. It could be about the city of Phoenix, Arizona. Or it could be a subtle way that the spirit guide is offering you their help when you’re ending one cycle completely and beginning another, like the metaphor of the Phoenix rising from the ashes. Omens are perceived in the four ways mentioned. Journal about anything you find significant, and look for repetition. When you see an animal showing up repeatedly, Spirit is with you. Trust the signs and your discernment of them, they’re a personal and significant way Spirit helps guide you along your path. Your Spirit knows how to get *your* attention 🙏

We enter into May as:

Shrinking Violet 😥

“I don’t trust my intuition.”

Are you retreating from a situation that could bring you success? We all abandon projects that seemingly lack merit. However, Shrinking Violet indicates you may not be trusting your intuition, which is mostly likely on target. Choose three people to ask advice from, then take their advice, throw it out the window and go with your gut. There is every indication you should complete the task at hand. Block yourself off from thoughts of what will happen at the completion stage. Stay the process, don’t worry about the ending, or results, don’t be frightened. Just continue on.

What is to be learned in May:

Sun Sparkler 🎇:

“Integrity is what turns on the light.”

Sun Sparkler reminds us that it is through kindness to others and being of service that we are abundant. Are you living your life as fully as you can? Are you being honest and kind to others? Do you hold the door open for people on the elevator, or let it close? Do you let people merge over in traffic, or pretend not to see them? When we put a blinder on one area of life, it creates the same blind spot in every area. You can’t shut out pain without shutting out pleasure too. Sun Sparkler reminds you of the miracle of honesty, it leads to integrity. You may have done work for another but do not expect a reward, revel in alignment with Spirit, self-esteem is the gift. You’ve been elevated to a new level spiritually, continue to serve others and life will prosper beyond your wildest dreams.

Yellow may be a lucky color 💛

[dailyangelrant]

Daily Journaling (again)

I need to focus on daily journaling. Sometimes I don't make time for it because I assume that there is not much to talk about, but I think it is important for a few reasons.

To see the progression of my mental health and mental status. There have been times when I have re-read these entries and have seen changes within myself. I think it is important to have as much information to look at as possible, and that would require journaling everyday.

Journaling everyday allows me to relieve some stress that I might not know is even there. I think it provides me a good outlet to let everything out even if it is big or small in my life.

I am sure there are more reasons but those are the 2 main ones that I think of. To add onto things that are on my mind I can list there here and elaborate on them:

I have been very bloated lately

The bloating that I have felt lately has been crazy. I feel like I have been eating less, been more active, and haven't been eating any food that is too unhealthy... but I have felt so bloated. I feel like I have a dietary issue of some sorts but I can't figure out what it is. I think it could be gluten like celiac disease or maybe soy allergy? Sometimes when I eat I just feel very bloated and very tired. Maybe that is related to my PCOS as well? I am not entirely sure. All I know is that it has been bothering me. Maybe I am not eating as healthy as I could be, but I know that I have been eating a lot less sugar. I think my sugar cravings have gone down significantly so that's good. Maybe it is related to the magnesium that I have been taking? Last time I got bloated from it too, but it did provide me with good mental benefits so it's hard to tell. Maybe the spearmint tea will help counteract the magnesium bloating.

Trip to Europe

I don't know why, but the trip to Europe (Italy, Switzerland, France) is a big stressor for me. I think it is partially because I am meeting Luca's parents, I am traveling alone in foreign countries, and I am going on a higher class trip.

I think meeting Luca's parents and the higher class trip thing both have one thing in common and it's that I don't want to be judged by people. I feel like Luca's parents might judge me for being fat or something, or being an unhealthy American. Or maybe they will judge me for not being "woman" enough. I'm not sure but it's a stressor for me.

In terms of the Switzerland thing, it's just because I will be around a lot of high-class people and I think I will feel out of place there.

I am nervous to travel internationally by myself because I am scared that I will mess something up. Also, my phone might not work overseas and if that happens then I will be screwed. I just don't have much experience with flying internationally and especially not by myself so I feel very nervous about it.

Making college payments

My college payments have been a huge stressor for me. It's almost $900 a month and I barely already make enough to cover my monthly living expenses, let alone enough to cover the cost of my tuition. And to make matters worse, my dad keeps holding over my head the fact that he is helping me pay. I don't want to be in-debted to my father. I just want to enjoy college and not stress about this stupid tuition nonsense anymore.

Have been able to control my emotions more

I think it is important to also look at the good things in my life. I have been able to control my emotions a lot more. There was a time where I was so consumed by my stress that I was always upset with Luca over things that weren't necessarily related to him. This obviously affected our relationship which wasn't good. I think the biggest change that contributed to this was taking magnesium. I know it seems stupid but I think it really helped in making my mind less stressed and anxious which in turn helped me control my emotions better. The only tradeoff is that now I am like super bloated which really sucks for my self-esteem.

drinking a lot of spearmint tea

I saw online that women with PCOS should drink spearment tea because it helps with hormonal imbalances. Especially with lowering testosterone in the woman's body. This can especially help with issues of hormonal acne. I defenitely get hormonal acne so I really hope this will help make a difference. I think this could be extremely helpful for me. I hope that it helps as much as magnesium helps. I also hope it might help with the bloating and weight gain that I have had from the magnseium.

focusing on skincare

I have gotten really into Korean skincare lately. I started using this snail mucin product that I kept seeing online and it ended up being great. Honestly, it was just recently that I realized that I have dry skin and not oily skin. Ever since I found out, I have been moisturizing a lot more and I think it has helped with my skin. We will see. I want to use more Korean skincare products but I have been saving more money lately so I haven't bought any.

haven't been giving enough time and effort towards school

I know this sounds stupid, but ever since I started taking magnesium it has made me so chill on stuff that I haven't been giving as much thought to school. I think the stress of failing assignments was propelling me forward and pushing me to complete assignments, but now that I have been more relaxed, I haven't been worried about it as much. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

very tired lately

Maybe my room has just been extra cozy, but everyday once I get home, I just get super tired and have been going to bed very early. It's defenitely not good since I always tell myself that I will get work done once I get home, and then I just fall asleep.

This was a huge update on my life but I think it was necessary and good for me. I will try my very very best to keep doing daily updates. I think it helps my mental health a lot so it seems worth it. Now I am probably going to go to bed and promise myself that I will get up early to complete my assignment.

[jackiexmiller]

"Heeey, my man -- up top!" she'll raise a hand waiting for a high-five over a business-deal well struck, and then completely forget everything about it. They had ideas, often, but it was only the spontaneous on-the-go ideas that they ever actually followed-through with. It was Jackies belief that this had been the exact reason they managed to remain friends for so long. They expected nothing from one another, so they always exceeded expectations. "Van Helen? Any relation to Van Helsing the vampire slayer?" she laughs pleasantly surprised it wasn't a douchier name. "I'm sure she'd do just fine on a road trip, better not as good as me but not to brag, this has probably been the longest I staid 'home' in years." three whole weeks, almost a month. Now that was something.

As he attempts embodying a doctor for a moment, she laughs yet again, and her cheeks will flush at just how much of an idiot he could sometimes appear to be. It was awfully endearing, and charming, even if she did believe it was all a light-hearted facade to cover up for the heaviness of who he really was. "There's nothin' a white coat could give you that you don't already have. Except like...a bomb-ass salary. But you'd be using it to pay off ridiculous amounts of student debt and probably resorting to ASMR anyway so -- there's really no point in a grand scheme of things." she put out the cigarette, eyes on him for a moment before she looked back ahead. She always struggled with eye contact, with looking at people, being looked at. And the matter was only ever worsened when she liked someone. Genuinely liked someone. But she'll squeeze his hand gently anyway, at the passing joke about his dad. She didn't want to add to it, but she wanted him to know she heard -- she understood.

"Oh stop it..." another laugh follows the comparison of her puking to the Exorcist. She had a knack for getting into most embarrassing situations when he was around. Which made for good memories later on, at least. And it made her comfortable to be around him, like no matter how much of herself she showed, it was never too much for him to handle. So when he said he had her back, she believed him. 'Marni. It's always been Marni.' now those words caused an uncomfortable sting, the kind she didn't really understand, so she shifted in her spot slightly and smiled, what else was there to do? "And uh, does she feel the same way?"

Abel’s hand dropped as Jack recoiled, knowing that even if he questioned it she wouldn’t openly explain and so he chose not to press, instead he relaxed as she nudged his shoulder. “That’s a horrifying sentence, but somehow I feel inclined to say i’m in?” Briggs had the bank of Mikaelsons, Lucas had the bank of Gertie, Abel guessed he was about to have the bank of bone breaking ASMR, or at least – a bayou baby could dream. A chuckle eased from his lips at the proposed idea, “hey, I won’t take the van slander. Van Halen is always ready for a trip, I just can’t promise she won’t break down half way there, but hey – it’s about the journey, not the destination right?” Jack’s honesty was brutal but if Abel was being honest and thanks to the slug he was, it was one of the many things he appreciated about her, “those are harsh words Jack, because i’d look really good in one of those white coats and I know words like stat and –” his brow furrowed, “huh, that’s actually the only term I know. Wait, no – prescription, I know that one too” but even he couldn’t keep up that facade for long as he joined her in the full bellied laughter, the force making him a little unsteady as he rocked in his position. “Shit, you’re right. I hate that, but you’re right. Probably just gonna end up like my old man. You know, just without the dead wives and all the kids though” and that was the end of the laughter. The retelling of their horrendous tale from LA was an oddly welcomed distraction and Abel waggled a finger through the air as he grimaced, “I still don’t know how someone so small can produce so much vomit, you know? Like i’ve seen some shit – now like literally, but that was on another level. Choked me off of seafood for life and I don’t scare easily.” His laughter did eventually return and he held up both hands, palms facing Jackie as he quipped, “what can I say, i’m a gentleman first. Plus I didn’t want you throwing up in our ride, cus neither of us had the cash to fix that shit up and that was like full exorsist scenes, I was waiting for your head to spin all the way round.” Shaking his head, his chuckle softened, speaking a little more genuinely now, “I had your back, Jack” before chuckling at his rhyme, “I’ve always got your back. Don’t question that shit” before chuckling at the use of the word shit after Jack’s particularly graphic retelling. Again, his laughter was destined to subside and this time, the softening was accompanied with a sigh as he glanced towards her, physically incapable of holding onto the truth, “Marni. It's always been Marni.”

[skullboysfinale]

(So, I hate to vent here but today I got some news that make me feel incredibly anxious. It's related to my job.)

(So, I have NOT lost my job. Yet. Why do I say that? I work at a certain automotive company, but I'm not involved with the assembly line, not directly at least. I usually report production status and work on creating new analysis tools and improving existing ones.

The thing is, last year, some big honcho decided we were doing so good, they wanted us to hand over all of our reports so we could focus on creating new reports exclusively for the fancy electric cars with their gigantic batteries. So we started losing things to do, all while getting trained on new software. So far, so good, it looked great.

Until reality hit the honcho in the face like a cold, slimy salmon. The electric cars are expensive, people are still doubting if it's really necessary to upgrade their ol' reliable combustion engines for electric ones, and some are arguing that the batteries are actually more dangerous to the environment (they're kinda right, those things are hard to deal with it, they can expire like the battery in your phone and let's not talk about what to do in case the battery catches on fire). We lost reports and never got any new ones, but we were still told everything was going to be fine.

Then this morning, out of nowhere, our chief manager told us he was getting terminated, effective today. Just like that, after leading the department that solved so many issues and saved so much time and money. We are not sure if he will get a replacement, and the honchos are urging us to simply hand over the last reports we still run for the customers in North America. It makes me feel like they will get rid of us next.

What's worse, this happened just two weeks away from my trip to Japan. I'm scared I'll be coming back and find I'm jobless out of the blue. The trip is paid in full so at least I'm not in debt, but I was planning to finally do the sacrifice of buying a house of my own. If they can't tell us what's going to happen to us, how am I supposed to feel happy during the trip? How am I supposed to even consider buying a house if they refuse to tell us if there will be some restructure of the business, aka heads will roll after a massive layoff, all because they thought it was a good idea to force people into buying humongous electric vehicles instead of diversifying their products. People have other needs too, you know?)

[diavolosthots]

Felt like crying, so I came to you, my friend! Mc and Mammon went out shopping, specifically to buy gifts for his brothers, as an apology. When they get back home they are met with hostility. They berate Mammon until Mc screams at them to shut up, then rips into each of them for their treatment of Mammon. Then finishes with "Don't expect Mammon to stay here when he can live with me in the humanworld. I'm done with you. Mammon, lets go, you deserve better, love" and leaves w/ Mammon. Thank you!

You came to me because you felt like crying and that gives me two (2) things to think about. 1.) I'm apparently someone who people see as a tissue? 2.) My angst is just THAT good. Also! Apparently today is rain on Mammon day and I'm here for it not me avoiding my exam to write these things

Warning: uh.... Angst?

Soul-Searching (MAMMON X GN!READER ft. THE BROTHERS)

“You know, I’m proud of you for suggesting this.” Truly, you were. Mammon was your favorite and you felt for him, but you also completely understood where his brothers came from. At first, it honestly annoyed you as well; the constant stealing, the lying… You tried blaming it on his avatar, but even then it doesn’t explain the lying that comes with it. However, you do realize that it’s a habit and it’s a habit that is hard to fix, so instead of constantly getting onto him like the rest, you tried to understand him a bit more and give him some life advice. So far, you have managed to get Mammon to give back all the things he has recently taken from his brothers, and some of them even got an apology. You’ll be working on how to properly apologize, though, because oof, that was a mess. 

And now? Now you managed to take a small trip with him downtown to at least attempt to make things better. Mammon is now, or at least today, using his own money to buy some things that his brothers would be fond of: a new vinyl player for Lucifer (non-cursed), a new Ruri-chan t-shirt for Leviathan, a neck pillow for Satan because lord knows he has some cramps back there with the way he leans over and down to read his books. Then some perfume for Asmodeus that he had been swooning about, a gift card to Beel’s favorite restaurant for the glutton, and a heated blanket for Belphie. You were proud, truly, that Mammon wanted to do this. As a matter of fact, he was the one who suggested it. “Maybe… uh.. I could… ya know… buy somethin’ they like” is what he said. You were just excited and agreed to help. 

Now you were going back to the house with a few shopping bags and ice cream almost fully eaten. You paid for the ice cream, as a way to reward Mammon, and you’re sure he’s secretly thanking you for that because some of these items truly did burn a hole into his credit card, which is partially his fault. “Lucifer deserves more than some random vinyl player.” his words, not yours. Also “satan needs one of them neck pillows that massage it, too!” again, his words. So yeah, some money was definitely spent on these items, but… once again, you were proud. “I think they’ll love everything, Mam. They’d be fools if they didn’t.” Hearing you say that made Mammon feel a lot better, honestly, and a small rush of confidence came to the surface “Ya betcha they will! Nothin’ but the best from the Great Mammon!” You just laughed. 

However, upon arrival, it was a different sight. As a matter of fact, you barely made it through the door before Beel was grumbling something about Mammon eating his custard, which is true, but it’s just a custard? “MAAMMMOONNN!!” and then there was Lucifer who appeared so fast you wondered if he was even real. He went on a whole rant about how irresponsible Mammon is and how another bill came in the mail that talks about Mammon’s debt. Satan and Belphegor teamed up to show empty hands, which left both you and Mammon confused, but then “do you see anything here? No? That’s because you sold our belongings, Mammon!” Mammon can be lucky that Leviathan was still holed up in his room because he just remembered that he also, at some point in the past, sold one of Levi’s figures. Asmodeus came last and honestly he wasn’t mad, he was just annoyed. “I saw you go through my things, Mammon. Nothing was taken, but it was still so incredibly rude!” 

Next followed a screaming match which was basically just Mammon trying to defend himself, trying to show the bags and apologize, but none of them would have it. It irritated you. Yes, they had every right to be mad because personal belongings should stay with their owner(s), but at the same time, they didn’t even give Mammon a chance to explain, especially after he’s been holding the bags up and attempting to apologize. “You’re so stupid, Mammon” “StupidMammon” “so irresponsible. You know better than that. Do you need another time out session, Mammon?” “I can’t believe you’d go through my stuff again!” by now your eyes were twitching and the voices echoing off the walls surely didn’t help your case. One more word and you’d snap, surely, especially since Mammon’s hand is now shaking and you grabbing it did nothing at all. “We would be better off without you.”

Ah yes, there it is. The final straw. The amount of anger boiling inside you right now isn’t even manageable anymore and you’re surprised that Satan, as the Avatar of Wrath, has yet to notice it. “Shut up! Shut up, Shut up, Shut up! All of you!” You yanked Mammon behind you, almost protectively and Belphegor found the need to laugh at it. “Really? You’re going to protect him?” Oh, there. That’s your first victim. “Are you really that dense, Belphegor, or is sleep still clouding your brain cells? That is your brother you’re currently making fun of and I don’t know about you, but I was taught that family sticks together, blood related or by choice. So how about you get your head out of dreamland, take this stupid heated blanket that he bought for you, as an apology, and wake up for a second.” yes, you did throw the bag at him and then you pointed your finger at Beel. You’d regret later on that you’re tearing into him as well because Beel means well at the end of the day, but still, he was also part of this. 

“You’re my least worry, Beel. Honestly you’re too caught up in your burgers and brawns to care for a second that your brother tries very hard to be liked by all of you. Sad, really.” you threw the card at him too. As a matter of fact, you threw all of the bags right in front of them. “And then Asmo.. oh my God, first of all, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Shocker, I know. If you were half as empathetic toward your family as you are obsessed with yourself, maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to always go party and drink your life away. Oh, I’m sorry, did that hit just a little too hard? Can’t be harder than the hangovers you wake up with on a regular basis.” You glared at him before turning your attention to Satan. “Honestly, if you weren’t such a baby inside I may actually be scared of you. You always complain about how stupid he is, how he needs to just learn, but you? What do you do all day? You hole yourself up in your room and read about worlds that you wish you could enter. News flash: you’d die before you had the chance to say hello. People don’t like self-proclaimed assholes. Mammon IS smart. He’s very talented, too, but you’re too far up in Shakespeare’s ass that you fail to realize that everyone has knowledge in different fields of life. Give me a break.” 

Satan was about to retort but you already moved on to Levi. “and you! Let’s be honest, if it weren’t for you wallowing in self-pity and fake depression, you would have absolutely no personality traits. What are you again? The Avatar of Envy? How about instead of being envious of others’ accomplishments, you actually start working on yourself. It’s truly pathetic that a couple millenia old demon’s only purpose in life is ramen and self inflicted emotional pain. Seriously, what are you? A pitiful loner? I can’t even begin to empathize with you in any way, shape, or form.” Your blood was boiling right now and maybe if they hadn’t attacked Mammon like they did, you would’ve felt bad about Levi’s sad face right now, but there was still one person left to deal with.”

“And you… beautiful, responsible, way-too-good-for-you older brother, Lucifer.” He’s been glaring at you this whole time, arms crossed over his chest but you stood your ground. You’re not quite sure how you managed, but you did. “You call yourself the best, the most responsible. You constantly say this family would fall apart without you, but that’s not it, is it? I think you’re just lonely. You force these six to be by you, to respect you and borderline worship you. Not because you deserve it…” you chuckled, shaking your head, “no. You’re just so sad that Daddy and Michael left you, mocked you, that you turned your sadness into anger and took it out on these six, but especially Mammon. Why? Because you see yourself in him. You call him your favorite brother, but it’s not because he actually is… he just reminds you of everything you used to be: fun, reckless, and feeling. Now you’re just cold, mean, and bitter. Don’t bother calling yourself the mighty first because without him you would be neither. Maybe if you pulled that stick out of your arse and actually tried to get to know your brothers, maybe you wouldn’t be so lonely all the time. Family, right? That’s what you want. How about you start acting like one.” 

You shook your head after that, grabbing Mammon’s hand and kicking the bags in front of you before dragging Mammon back out the door. “Those are for you, by the way. Not that you deserve them, but they’re Mammon’s way of apologizing for all the things you accused him of the minute he set foot into the house. Have fun. We’re going to the castle and, if we’re lucky, to a real home.” 

[2030kamenriders]

Perhaps it's because of trying to recover from near-burn-out this summer, but I can't help but see this as a metaphor for developing long-term illness from overwork.

As you read the first few pages, you learn that Gregor has been single-handedly paying the family bills for the past 5 years. Also he's about halfway though paying off his parents' debt to this business. And to make it worse, his boss is that type of guy who thinks burnt-out or chronically-ill people are just being lazy. But here's the thing (and it's a painfully relatable thing too): Gregor doesn't even want to call in sick. Despite being extremely sick from the transformation, he wants to work. He is ignoring and minimizing his symptoms, trying to tell himself everything is alright.

I get the impression that he just really doesn't want to let his family down. Not just in terms of his parents' debt, but also his sister. See, his sister is a teenager who likes playing violin, and Gregor was going to surprise her on the holidays by paying for her tuition for professional music school.

And even though the story is in 3rd person, you could still understand just how painful the whole situation is on the guy: not just physically, but emotionally.

Early on, the bug symptoms worsen so that he can't talk properly. He still understands what everyone else says, but they just hear a bunch of bug noises, with maybe some words muffled underneath those sounds. But instead of trying to have even a basic, rudimentary, stilted attempt at trying to communicate with him sometimes, they don't even try. They act like he doesn't understand them either.

I repeat: they assume he doesn't understand them, just because he can't talk anymore. That hurt. That hurt to read. And in a sort of warped way, it just hit some painful memories I have.

(But that's a tangent for a different time. Because right now I have a lot of other thoughts to unpack.)

Despite the situation, Gregor is still focused on making sure his family isn't more stressed by him than they are. Because he quickly figures out that his family is terrified of him.Even when they're trying to be "helpful", it's bare-minimum stuff and it's done in a way that makes it very clear to Gregor that they're terrified of him. So he does everything he can to stay out of their way, even out of their sight.

(And don't even get me started on the other characters. Not a single one of them treated him with any humanity.)

Gregor does get beat up a few times too. But to my surprise, that's not really the direct cause of his death. Instead, after months of this treatment and a particularly stressful day, his family start questioning if he's really still the Gregor they knew, and talk about how much they need to get rid of him.

And all while he's right there in front of them.

Listening to every word.

And the heartbreaking thing is that, at this point, he agrees. Whatever shred of hope or will to live he had in him, it was just gone.

And even as he dozes off to sleep that night, he still doesn't even hate them! And you can tell, because despite being written in 3rd-person, the story was written so that you could really feel how Gregor felt. And when does it end? When does the story end?!

When he dies? No, it ends after that!

When he gets buried? Nope. Heck, we don't even know what happens to his body after the house finds out he's dead. We just know that the cleaning lady "took care of it" (and she says this in the most suspicious and malicious-sounding way possible)!

The story ends with Gregor's parents and sister going on a little trip to the sunny countryside that day, while realizing that they are actually doing pretty okay financially now. And now they're planning to fire their old housekeeping staff, move, and have a fresh start. yay?

No, not "yay"! That was your family member! He just died! And not a single one of you even bothered to consider giving him any sort of funeral. You guys had the audacity— the damned audacity!— to look at his corpse and literally say "thank god he's dead".

This entire darn time he was a bug (even after his death, in that sort-of 4th-wall-breaking way I tried to mention above), Gregor's top priority wasn't himself. It was his family. And when he needed them most, they couldn't treat him the same.

(Before reading The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka): well this is gonna be an interesting story to read.

(After reading The Metamorphosis): Gregor... bro... (Fists start shaking Kotaro-Minami-style as I think about the way all the other characters treated him)

[4dtk]

have this absolute shameless drabble of sugar daddy gojo that i wrote in between requests. my fingers have never typed so fast im sorry this is literally self-indulgent at this point ARJGJFFJ.

disclaimer i honestly can't see anyone calling gojo daddy but just for this fic..... ill allow it..... and also bc sugar daddy gojo is just always residing in my mind. did you see how he transferred 10 mil to mei mei!!!!! i will never shut the fuck up about that scene. pls spoil me <3

warnings: praise, public sex, sugar daddy/sugar baby relations, breeding kink, pet names

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI

sugar daddy!gojo pushes you up against the window of the store, visible for everyone to see you getting fucked senseless. in the gucci store four floors up, it could work both ways. fortunate to be so high up, although people would be getting a treat if they happened to look up.

“you know what you’re doing, baby?” he grunts, hips rocking into your soaked pussy as the staff outside try to ignore the lewd noises coming from behind the curtains.

it was supposed to be a simple trip: get a dress for gojo’s event in a few weeks and get out. with a tight arm wrapped around his, you followed him around like a starstruck puppy, the edges of your lips curled up knowing he’d treat you a million times over if you just asked for it.

gojo wasn’t any different, either. sure, he’s had sugar babies in the past, but not quite like you who’s so easy to please and spoil, knowing you could never say no even if your life depended on it. with your desperate listing for the requirement of monetary assistance, gojo couldn’t resist taking up the offer.

he just hadn’t expected you to be so… pliant. you had taken it like a good little bitch, too, moaning out for everyone to hear because you liked it like that.

“you’re taking my cock so well, princess,” gojo muttered out, lips nibbling on your ear as he continued to pound you. his grin that you feel against your skin plagues your mind, wanting nothing more than to see how he enjoys ruining you.

the catchy, upbeat pop song playing above you seemed to provide some rhythm, the sultry lyrics fuelling you further.

"so needy that i had to buy out the whole store for an hour, huh?" the male slows his pace, delivering deep thrusts into your cunt with the precision of an expert.

all you can reply are in little pants, sentences incoherent from how deep his cock is in you.

"i don't even think an hour is enough to satisfy my pretty little girl, isn't that right?" gojo picks up the speed again, and you're brought back to the many times he's fucked over his counter, washing machine. to the times where he's eaten you out on his office table and in his sheets of his king-sized.

and now, you've got another memory locked away for nights full of loneliness and soaked underwear when gojo's just too busy for you.

a tongue to your nipples and a hand to your clit makes you choke out a moan, writhing against the glass just to feel more of gojo, more of his cock and more of his lips on your neck.

you're struggling to keep yourself up, finding the right time in between muffled moans and whimpers to ask for one more wish.

"daddy... p-please, i wanna see your-"

"what, baby? repeat it for me." goddamn, the man had no problem articulating his words, how much had he fucked you already?

clearly not enough if you're still able to speak.

"w-wanna see your face when you fuck me deep, daddy!"

your wish is taken away when you're already creaming all over gojo as your hot breath creates fog on the glass in a silent scream.

"aw, you're cumming so hard baby~ you didn't even get to see me yet," he coos, enjoying the gush of your juices that coat his dick and your thighs. everything feels sticky and dirty, but you don't hesitate to beg for one more fuck with your eyes.

gojo catches your drift immediately, hips twitching from the idea of pumping you full of his cum. after all, he hasn't come yet.

he grunts at the time with a quick glance to the clock above your head. without wasting any more time, he flips you over, the restraint to cum slowly reaching its limit with your lolling tongue and fucked-out face.

the male doesn't bother to hide the deep groan that rips from his throat when he drags his dick along your folds, strings of both your juices stretching out in a way that hypnotises gojo.

"n-need your cock, daddy! please!" you whine, grinding your hips against the tip to make sure gojo knows of your desperation. that he's the only one to fuck you so good that no one else can satisfy you.

he smiles knowingly before he sinks into you.

gojo knows that he's the only one that can make you feel this way as he picks up the tempo, hitting spots in you that you didn't know was physically possible.

gojo knows that he's the only one you call daddy shamelessly as he writes off his card to help you in your student debts and the sparkly dress you've been eyeing.

he could throw you away the second you're done with university, the second the media's off his ass about his love life but, the sweet, sweet moans spilling from your lips pull him back in every single time, eager to hear it for as long as your bank's empty and his is piled up with money.

"more! satoru, more, fuuuck..." you groan, shying away from the striking blues of his eyes the more he drinks in your current state.

he's barely holding on, not even minding the first name you called him. the short skirt he'd given you flipped up makes him go crazy, your panties moved to the side to receive the dressing room quickie you always wanted.

"you're so de..eep daddy! i need all your c-cum please...!" it's a mix between a whimper and a whine.

"yeah? 'course i am, baby. your pussy is sucking me in all the w-way," gojo's hips stutters at how you squirm in his tight grasp, locking eyes with him as yours fill with want. your pussy is throbbing, stretched out so much that you don't register the thumb playing with your clit.

"s' too much...! s' too much, d-daddy!"

"you're a good girl, aren't you?" the way you nod is pathetic, eyebrows knitted from being stuffed so full.

"pretty little thing- fuuck..." gojo's losing control himself, the way his balls slaps against your cunt resonates around the small space and nothing feels better than being inches deep in you.

you're a babbling mess by then, unable to even scream out as you cream his cock. with head thrown back, you're left frozen for a second as the orgasm washes over you and a violent shudders goes through your thighs.

"daddy has so much, s-shit- cum for you, doll," it isn't long before the other comes undone, a groan escaping his lips before he shoots his load deep into you.

your pussy is stained white from all the cum he's giving you, gasping from how much gojo is leaking into you.

"thank y-you, satoru..." you trembling has affected your voice, too, burying your head into gojo's neck while your body shivers from sensitivity.

"take all of it, baby," gojo whispers, the hand near your middle moves instantly to finger his cum back into you, fixing back your underwear over your pussy.

a cheeky giggle leaves your mouth as you untangle yourself from the embrace, welcoming a kiss from the man as he slowly begins to clean up himself.

"have you chosen a dress yet, sir?"

gojo's smile is mischievous, not missing the way your face flushes at having to face the embarrassed staff outside.

"we'll take everything, thanks," his eyes never leave you as he helps you off the changing room chair, tugging your body flush to his before leaving you with one more hungry kiss.

"you did so well for daddy, doll. i may just have to treat you tonight since you have a day off university tomorrow..."

even if it wasn't in the contract, gojo loved to spoil you, admiring your mettle when it comes to material items. although...

"you know what i mean," it's enchanting, the way his voice travels like silk, "i'll call in sick for work tomorrow, yeah?"

your mind goes to mush at what tonight might entail, losing all train of coherence when his hushed whisper of my baby's so cute reaches your ear.

in a second you're out of there, hand twined with his while you remain giddy with the thought of getting used by gojo until you reach your limit.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (June 6/2021) - Techno’s Visit

It’s time for Techno to visit Dream in prison. After saying some parting words to Phil, Techno goes to Pandora’s Vault for the first time...

Later, Quackity, Puffy, Bad, Skeppy and Michael tour around Las Nevadas for a fun chill stream, and Quackity recruits Michael as a worker to build in the city.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Technoblade

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

QuackityToo

Michaelmcchill

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- Techno goes to speak with Phil before he visits Dream

- Phil gets a horrible canonical headache and Techno offers him a canonical aspirin

- Phil isn’t sure going to the prison is a good idea, as every time someone’s gone something bad's happened, but Dream saved Techno’s life. Also views

- Phil has his concerns, but Dream called in the favor. Techno thinks he should go and check on him anyways, even without Quackity. Dream’s been in there for five months

- Phil offers his help, but Techno doesn’t want Phil to take any risks paying off his debt

- But there is something Phil can do: Techno wrote a will. He throws a signed book to Phil. Phil asks how many days he should wait. Techno says it varies. The instructions are in the will

Techno: “I took a vow. Those who treat me with kindness see it repaid tenfold...I gotta honor that.”

- He rings the channel member bell

- Techno wonders if he can bring Steve, but probably not. He says goodbye to Phil and heads off for the prison

- He makes it to the prison entrance and says hello to Sam, who welcomes him through the portal

- Techno says he’s come to visit Dream, but Sam says he’s not allowing people to visit right now. Techno throws Sam a book:

---

FIELD TRIP SLIP

---

Sam. Technoblade will be paying Dream a visit. This is business related. Let it happen.

It’s also tax write off :)

- Quackity

---

- Techno reads the waiver aloud and signs it “Techno Blade”

- Sam then asks the questions:

“When is the last time you visited the prison?”

“I have not visited the prison before”

“Where is your place of residence currently located?”

“I live in like this cabin in the north, it’s pretty chill.”

“Do you believe that the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea why he’s in there, so...”

“Are you saying no?”

“I’m not saying, like, yes or no, I don’t really -- I’m not really up to date on the news recently, if I’m being honest.”

“What are your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“Yeah, we’ve been business associates I’d say, in the past, you know. I wouldn’t say I’m like friends with him, honestly -- he’s kinda sus...I’m not gonna lie, it does not surprise me at all that he ended up in a jail, ‘cause that guy -- he’s a little weird sometimes, you know. A little strange...So you know, it’s, eh...it’s up and down.”

- Sam gets to the last question, telling Techno he’s the ultimate authority on the grounds of the prison

Techno: “Oh I love authority, everyone can tell you that.”

- Techno goes to store his belongings in the locker. There’s a bed in an item frame now which he uses to set his spawn. Techno opens up his Ender Chest and stores all of his armor and weapons in it

- Having run out of space in the Ender Chest, Techno puts his remaining items in the locker chest: Potions, gapples, golden carrots, an Ender Chest, Ender Pearls and a stack of stone

Techno: “Well. You know, you seem like a trustworthy man.”

- They go through the security protocol. There’s a new Ender Pearl stasis chamber in the first room that wasn’t there before. Techno zooms in on it before it activates, teleporting Sam in

- Techno’s impressed with the prison’s design. He gets Sam to open the vault door a second time to admire it

- Techno signs the next waivers “sub to techno” as “Technoblade (subscribe to technoblade”

- Techno praises Sam’s creativity with the prison, comparing it to the Butcher Army’s simple execution platform

- The lava wall comes down. Dream isn’t facing them

- Techno walks with the moving platform to the cell. The second Dream sees him, he starts shouting

Techno: “Yo, Dream! Dream, what’s up!”

Dream: “TECHNO NO! NO!”

Techno: “No what?”

Dream: “QUACKITY -- it’s a trap! It’s a trap! Techno--”

Techno: “What about Quackity? Dream, you need to -- I haven’t seen you in a long time, Dream.”

Dream: “(muffled) Techno...He’s been torturing me I gotta -- I didn’t write that note.”

...

Techno: “I’m not gonna lie to you, Dream, I -- I kinda had a feelin’ he was lying, but I kinda had to visit anyways, just to see how you were doing, get to the truth of things, you know? You know? And besides, Quackity’s not even here, man.”

Dream: “...Why did you come?”

Techno: “I wanted to see you! I need to figure out what’s going on here, Dream, and between you and me, I’m an anarchist, so uh -- (looking to Sam) Can he hear me at this volume?”

Dream: “They’re working together...”

Techno: “Who?”

Dream: “Sam and Quackity!”

- Techno asks Dream to tell him everything. Neither the lava wall nor the Netherite barrier have lowered yet

- Techno looks back at Sam, asking how long he has to be in there for

Sam: “I think you could do with a nice long stay with Dream...you’re probably the main threat to uh -- to Dream escaping, aren’t you, ‘cause you know, the two of you have worked together before, and...”

Techno: “I...would never defy authority, alright. I. Love. Authority.”

Sam: “I think we both know that’s probably not true--”

Techno: “Everybody will tell you how much Technoblade loves authority figures.”

- Sam refuses to send the bridge back, saying the two of them will have some catching up to do. He sends the lava wall down

Techno: “Sam, this is NOT DOING MUCH TO CHANGE MY POLITICAL OPINIONS!”

(Dream freaks out in the background)

Techno: “...Alright. Well that was nice.”

- Dream panics. Techno tells him it’s fine, that they’re not out of options

Dream: “I have been in here for six months! What do you mean we’re not out of options, it’s fine -- how?!”

Techno: “Well I mean, maybe you’re out of options, but like I actually have friends now. I know I was kinda like a loser when we first met...”

- He finds the books and quills and tells Dream to write down everything he knows about the prison

Techno: “So...hows it goin’, roommate?”

Dream: (quietly) “Oh my god...”

- Techno seems optimistic about the new experience. Dream tells him he used to have a clock as Techno examines the cell

- Techno tells Dream to get to writing and ends stream

- Ranboo goes back home and is confused by how much the trees have grown. He thinks Phil probably has something to do with it and that he knows something, even though Phil isn’t doing it himself

- He then goes mining

- Quackity does a chill stream on the SMP working on the roads of Las Nevadas while chatting about lore out of character

- He walks down the Prime Path when he gets suddenly jumped by Skeppy and Bad, who attack him together. Quackity threatens to blow up their house

- Captain Puffy joins the fray and stops them

- Quackity offers Puffy and Michael a tour of his country

- He goes eating at McPuffy’s and Michael comes over to give him food as well

- There’s a hostile takeover of McPuffy’s and Bad declares it McSkeppy’s now. Quackity takes the drive-through instead

- Quackity orders a BTS meal and Bad hands him a steak “with extra cruelty”

- He starts walking them all over to his country, asking them what their expectations are (Quackity talking to Bad at this point is non-canonical) Skeppy wants a lot of ducks

- Quackity falls into the Punzo Chunk

- He tells them that his country isn’t even near done, and he’s going to need a lot of cheap labor. Skeppy says it doesn’t sound very enticing, but Quackity says he’ll give him all the ducks he’d want. 

- Michael tells him about his experience with 2b2t

- Quackity shows him the concept of “the house always wins” (a picture of “Finding Doryto”)

- Quackity kills Skeppy and Skeppy logs off. Bad is horrified. Quackity tells Bad it isn’t his fault that Skeppy is dead as Bad buries Skeppy’s dropped things beneath the ground under the Needle

- Quackity shows the remaining people to the gambling machine, teaching them how it works

- Afterwards, he takes them to the strip club and starts stripping at the pole

- He takes Michael into the back, where he tries to mug Michael for his things. But Michael runs out the back door

- Quackity goes back to stripping and offers Bad to go into the back room for a “surprise.” He tries to mug Bad, but Bad goes running out the back door

- He returns to Puffy, defeated, and half-heartedly promises her a surprise in the back room too. Puffy, not at all suspicious, follows him and he tries to mug her. She gives him ink sacs, slabs, Ender Pearls and shears. 

He shows her out the back door

- Afterwards, Quackity takes the three of them to the Tommyinnit Restaurant 

- Then they go to the stage and Quackity puts on a “show” for them...

...Which is more stripping 

- Next up is the hotel. There’s nothing in it, so he takes them to the pool outside. Bad almost drowns

- He wants to show them “something embarrassing,” so he brings them to Tommy and Wilbur’s headquarters

- Quackity then shows them the Eiffel Tower to conclude the country tour and they argue about a trident

- He suggests Michael and Puffy possibly build some structures around Las Nevadas and gathers them at the Needle. He shows Michael the empty plot next to Fundy’s area and says he needs something put there in return for some free spins at the casino. Michael’s down for that

- Quackity tells Puffy and Bad to help Michael build there. Bad asks how much he’s getting paid, and Quackity says he gets free spins at the casino too. Bad and Puffy start arguing again and Quackity leaves, having gained a new worker

- Bad and Puffy continue to argue about the trident 

- Later, Michael builds a statue in Las Nevadas

END OF WEEK RECAP:

5/31 - Wilbur and Tommy visit Las Nevadas

6/1 - Ponk tears down a tower of L’Llamaburg, Tubbo builds an outpost, Techno’s birthday party, Quackity speaks with Foolish about Las Nevadas, Niki finds out about Wilbur’s revival, Bad and Puffy destroy the supreme fridge in an act of war

6/2 - Fundy speedruns self-care, Antfrost confronts Foolish, Bad and Puffy to apologize

6/3 - Nothing much happens.

6/4 - Ponk decides to sue Puffy and Bad, Pubbo

6/5 - Nothing much happens.

6/6 - Techno gets trapped in prison, Quackity tours Bad, Puffy, Skeppy and Michael around Las Nevadas

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Upcoming Events:

- The final Egg lore stream

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Ponk’s lore stream

- Dream’s lore video