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bosbas · 1 year ago

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Chapter 13: it's never too late to come back to my side

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pairing: benedict bridgerton x best friend!fem!reader WC: 3.2k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love being idiots in love, mutual pining, some swearing

Summary: You and Benedict have been best friends since childhood, but things change dramatically once you come out in society. You’re struggling to find someone you’re as compatible with and who knows you as well as Benedict, all while trying to quell your ever-growing feelings for him. Shenanigans ensue.

A/N: ahhhh we're getting close to the end i'm so emotional i love them so dearly

August 15, 1814 - It has come to this author's attention that Mr Benedict Bridgerton will be in attendance at Aubrey Hall this year in time for his family's country house party. This comes after almost two months away in the countryside. Will Mr Bridgerton be shocked to find out that his best friend and his older brother have been courting while he was away? Or has he been kept up to date on the ton's happenings, perhaps by this very column? The lucky guests at Aubrey Hall will find out for themselves in a few days, and the remaining members of the ton in London will surely find out through Lady Whistledown's society papers in the coming week.

"Benedict it's been three days. You have to come downstairs at some point," groaned Hyacinth. She was tired of watching her older brother mope around aimlessly, refusing to participate in any Bridgerton-Beaumont activities.

Knowing bits and pieces of what had happened between you and Benedict, Hyacinth was inclined to leave him to rot in his room forever, completely unsympathetic to his low mood. However, she couldn't help but notice your eyes searching every room you entered, looking for your best friend, only to visibly slump your shoulders when you realized that Benedict had once again failed to show up. So, after three days of watching your disappointment grow exponentially, Hyacinth had taken matters into her own hands. Except for the fact that Benedict was not particularly enthusiastic about Hyacinth's efforts, lying on his bed with a half-open book on his abdomen as he rolled his eyes at his sister.

"Go away. I'm not going to play Pall Mall, just leave me alone," he responded, laying an arm over his eyes.

Hyacinth scoffed in response. "I'm not here to ask if you want to play Pall Mall, brother. If I were, you wouldn't have a choice. Not that you have much choice now, anyway."

Then, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him as hard as her eleven-year-old strength allowed, she tried to make him see sense. "Y/N is even more miserable than you are because you won't even come down for dinner. I don't care that you're the one who upset her in the first place, she wants to see you!"

Seeing Benedict move his arm away from his eyes and give her a questioning look, Hyacinth sighed, exasperated. "Yes, I know about that. Which is how I know you're making it worse by staying cooped up in your room while she's downstairs with no one to talk to."

"She can just talk to Anthony," shot back Benedict, knowing it was a weak argument even before the words came out of his mouth.

Hyacinth did all she could to hold back from screaming at her brother, who was being exceedingly petulant. "You are such an idiot that it's hard to imagine how you lead a semi-normal life," she settled for saying, knowing she would get a lecture if she used any stronger language.

Benedict rolled his eyes, but his gaze shot over to his bedroom door when he heard hushed voices just outside whispering fiercely.

"Yes?" he snapped, loud enough that the voices ceased talking. The door creaked open and a very sheepish-looking Theo and Bastian popped their heads in, stumbling into the room unceremoniously.

After slapping Bastian on the shoulder, only a tad aggressively, Theo cleared his throat. "Ah, excuse our entrance."

"We're here to talk to you about Y/N, obviously, but it seems Hyacinth has beat us to it," finished Bastian, scratching the back of his head.

Benedict grumbled some expletives that were most definitely not appropriate for Hyacinth's ears at the prospect of two of your brothers, and the most athletic ones at that, giving him grief for the way things had played out between the two of you. He was already nursing a piercing heartache and the insurmountable guilt of having ruined his chances at being with you by an ill-timed attempt at a kiss, and he most certainly did not need half of your siblings making him feel worse about it. Having Hyacinth in your corner, and therefore against him, was difficult enough.

"Well, go on then," Ben relented, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible so he could go back to wallowing in his sorrows. Perhaps his intense heartbreak would lead to some magnificent inspiration for his next piece, and he could find comfort in the fact that his art would be massively successful, even if he couldn't have you. A poor consolation prize, but a consolation prize nonetheless.

Bastian looked at Hyacinth pensively, assessing how crude he was going to be with such a young girl present to hear what he was saying. He knew she had probably heard it all before, given that she grew up with four older brothers nearby, but Bastian was hesitant to be the direct cause of any colorful language the youngest Bridgerton might employ. Deciding the benefits of being as direct as possible outweighed the possible lecture he would receive, Bastian spoke quickly, "We just think you're being a fucking idiot."

"Sebastian!" exclaimed Theo, hitting him on the shoulder again and ignoring that Hyacinth was currently dissolving into a fit of giggles. "What he means to say is that we think you're being rather foolish. Though the strength of Bastian's words do communicate how we feel about this, foul as they were."

"Why, thank you. I was sick with worry wondering what your opinion on my relationship with my best friend was," retorted Benedict, not able to help his sarcastic tone even though he knew your brothers were not the best people to provoke right at this minute.

"Don't forget your best friend is our younger sister, so I do imagine we're allowed an opinion," replied Bastian, wanting to keep Benedict in place.

Theo, the more level-headed of the twins, looked at Ben with what could have been construed as a look of sympathy if it weren't also laced with unimaginable anger. "We're quite serious, Benedict. We know what happened a few days ago in your studio. Why can't you just talk to her?"

Benedict sat up and put his head in his hands, rather sick of having everyone know his business. "How on earth does everyone know what happened?"

Theo and Bastian exchanged a glance, unsure whether they should reveal their source. But Hyacinth saved them from an explanation. Quite matter-of-factly, she explained, "Eloise overheard your argument pretty much in its entirety. And, of course, she told everyone. Though I'm sure the twins have heard some bits and pieces from Y/N herself, and perhaps Anthony, too."

Seeing Benedict look from Hyacinth to Bastian to Theo in disbelief, loathing that it was nearly impossible to keep a secret from his family, Bastian commented, "Perhaps if Francesca had been the one to overhear we wouldn't have known so much. But all the better for us that Eloise, quite inexplicably, knows absolutely everything about everyone."

Shaking his head, Benedict accepted the current predicament he was in. "Right, then. I'll have to remember to thank Eloise for allowing me to have this wonderful conversation the next time I see her. Regardless, this makes it easier to tell you that I can't 'just talk to her,' Theo. I can't act like nothing happened."

Bastian immediately rolled his eyes upon hearing Benedict's excuse. "It's truly a wonder your friendship with her has lasted so long. Of course she wants to hear from you! She always wants to hear from you. Even when she's upset with you."

"It's all she ever talks about, usually. How long until she can see you and talk to you about whatever trivial matter she wishes to spend hours talking about," added Theo, hoping to remind Benedict that you needed him. Twenty years of being best friends meant that you needed Ben even when the two of you were fighting. Especially when you were fighting, actually, since Benedict was the only person who knew how to properly console you when you were upset.

"They're not trivial matters," said Benedict defensively. He loved hearing you talk on and on about whatever plot hole was plaguing you, and he found it rather interesting, too, but now was not the time to get into that particular point. "Anyway, that doesn't resolve the issue. It doesn't matter if I talk to her or not, she still doesn't love me back. And I have been doing a splendid job so far of trying to get over her before she marries my brother, so if you could very kindly allow me to continue to do so, I would greatly appreciate it," he finished curtly.

Hyacinth scoffed, in disbelief at her brother's blindness. "She doesn't 'not love you back,' you big baby! I'm eleven years old, I shouldn't be the one telling you to grow up!"

"Hyacinth, stop it. That's unusually cruel, even for you," protested Benedict, feeling an almost physical pain at the impossible possibility that you might love him back after what happened in his studio. He had considered the possibility incessantly in his mind the past few days, of course. But to hear someone else say it, to hear the words spoken so clearly by someone else rather than hearing it in his internal monologue or seeing it written down in his sloppy handwriting in letters he had never sent, was enough to make him feel nauseous.

Up until fairly recently, his love for you had been quite manageable. Even unnoticeable, at least to him, for the first few years. However, now he was quite pointedly aware that every time his heartbeat faltered it was undoubtedly due to you, whether you had laughed in a particularly adorable way or worn a gown that made your figure look quite irresistible. And he had lost any chance he had with you because he was too overcome by his desire to be by your side in a more-than-friendly way and had had awful timing in attempting to kiss you. So, yes, Hyacinth was being quite cruel in his eyes. Even if the cruelty was warranted, seeing how you looked as distraught as he felt.

"I do believe Hyacinth is right," Theo spoke, causing the youngest Bridgerton to beam, radiant, beside him, contrasting Ben's positively ghastly expression. "Y/N has loved you for years. It's been painfully obvious to the rest of us, but apparently, you're too thick to notice."

Bastian piped in to agree with his brother. "Precisely. So we're spelling it out for you. She does love you back, you just decided to confess your love for her at an inopportune moment. If Eloise's memory serves her correctly," which earned him a snicker from Hyacinth, "Y/N never said she didn't love you back."

Theo nodded, "She just said nothing had been resolved. Which it hadn't. So resolve it."

As if trying to romance the woman Ben had been helplessly and irrevocably in love with for the better part of a decade was as easy as taking a stroll, Bastian shrugged and added, "It's simple, really."

Benedict swallowed thickly, hearing a loud ringing in his ears. He found he couldn't focus his eyesight on anything, vision growing blurry as his eyes aimlessly scanned the room. He had taken your abrupt exit from his studio as a complete rejection, a sign that he had ruined any chance of moving beyond the boundaries of the friendship you two had built so lovingly. But apparently, the rejection had not been because you did not love him back, but rather because Benedict had behaved quite like an ass.

The absolute bliss he should have felt was overshadowed by a tightness in his chest that he could easily attribute to fear. There was so much more to lose now. He was scared out of his wits that he'd mess up again and lose you in any way that mattered, friendship and all.

"But what if it's too far gone? What if I don't fix it?" asked Ben, voicing his fears shakily.

Bastian laughed dryly and Benedict felt it more than he would a physical blow. "That's not really an option, is it? That's our sister you're talking about."

Theo growled lowly, not opposed to resorting to violence when the matter concerned the possible heartbreak of his younger sister. "Fix it or we fix you."

And the two walked out, Hyacinth skipping happily in front of them, without acknowledging the garbled groan that came from Ben's throat. He would have to make it count, then. One last chance to make you his. To make a reality the only way he could truly be happy. But it wasn't an impossible task. He knew you better than you knew yourself, after all.

---

You were making your way upstairs to your bedroom after another torturous dinner without Ben when Anthony touched your arm and asked if he could walk you back. It took less than five seconds for you to burst into tears and nod sorrowfully as he led you out of the sitting room where the rest of your families had migrated and were now settling into cozy conversation. Thankfully, no one else noticed, or at least didn't think to call you out on your sudden burst of emotion.

"It's going to be alright, one way or another," Anthony whispered as he led you down the hallway. And though he felt it was appropriate given the circumstance, he refrained from calling you darling or really any other pet name, knowing Benedict was usually the only one to refer to you as such, and thus it might cause you more undue stress.

"I know," you responded tearfully. "I just miss him."

You hiccuped and leaned your head onto Anthony's shoulder. As much as you enjoyed Anthony's company, you secretly wished that it was Benedict's strong shoulder you were feeling. But it didn't do to dwell on such matters now.

"Well, he did tell you he loved you," offered Anthony as the two of you climbed the stairs. "I think you're crazy to not immediately go after him." Perhaps he had been too worried about the fact that Benedict was an idiot to realize that you, too, were an idiot when it came to matters pertaining to your best friend and your very obvious love for him.

You shook your head decidedly. "He did tell me that, yes, but look at what's happened now," you said, flailing your arms in frustration. "He's ignored me for three days. You can't just say you're in love with someone and then not speak with them for three days!"

Anthony laughed softly when you sniffed sulkily, but you kept speaking. "It's too easy for Ben to swoop in after I've done so much work to get over him and found someone I want to marry," you gave the man beside you a pointed stare. "I don't just want to be with him when it's convenient for him. I need Benedict to actually want me and to prove that he wants me. Which he is doing a very poor job of at the minute because I haven't seen him since he confessed he was in love with me," you finished with a huff.

But Anthony was saved from having to respond, as Alex was waiting for you by your bedroom door, hands behind his back.

"Ah, Y/N. Just the person I wanted to see. Do you fancy a chat?"

Seeing that you didn't have much of a choice, you nodded and thanked Anthony, sending him on his way as you turned to face your older brother. "Very well," you relented.

The two of you went inside your bedroom and Alex, ever the unwavering presence in your life, closed the door firmly and crossed his arms as he stared at you. You were a tad nervous, not quite sure of what he was going to say. Ever since you had started courting Anthony, he had steered clear of the two of you, not exactly disapproving of the courtship, but not particularly supportive of it either. Needless to say, you were fairly surprised that he was being so direct with you now, asking to talk to you and staring you down in your room.

"Y/N," he started. "I mean this will all the love that I have in my heart for you, which is quite a lot, but you are being so, so stupid. It's almost painful to watch."

You were completely taken aback. "Excuse me?" you sputtered, not quite believing that your brother would speak to you like this. Although it was nice to hear him speak to you in any way at all, since you knew he had probably been holding back from saying this every time you spoke with him for the duration of your courtship with Anthony.

With a determined look on his face, a slightly furrowed brow, and downturned lips, Alexander pressed on. "You are so obviously in love with Benedict," and before you could protest, he continued speaking. "And he is so obviously in love with you, that I just don't understand the problem. He told you he was in love with you, from what Eloise has said, so I don't particularly see an issue now."

A flicker of confusion passed over your face. "He– What? What are you getting at?" you asked, knowing there was something else that Alex wanted to say.

It was imperative to him that you grasped what he was saying instead of focusing on how he said it. So he sighed a tad impatiently but spoke steadily enough that you wouldn't be put off by his tone of voice. "At the beginning of the season, I wasn't absolutely bricking it over my little sister debuting in society because I didn't think I would have to worry about you actually courting anyone. I just assumed that you and Ben would end up married, much like the rest of our families. In fact, I assumed you would be married already. It's mid-August now, and I thought you would have at the very latest married in June. Again, I mean this with a lot of love, but you're being a massive idiot. Every single person in our family can see that you're in love. So go be with the man you love!"

You were stunned. Alex had never made any indication that he thought that you and Ben would marry. But then again, perhaps you and Benedict loving each other came so naturally that he didn't need to.

Nevertheless, you shook your head adamantly. "I don't care what you thought, or what the rest of the family thought, or even what I thought! Benedict left me when I needed him, and Anthony was there for me–"

"So, you're marrying Anthony, then? You've decided you still want to be with him after all this?" asked Alex, on the brink of losing his seemingly endless temper.

"I don't know! Maybe? I haven't entirely decided, yet," you argued. "But it's either that or no marriage since Benedict hasn't exactly provided an alternative solution, and I would rather die than marry a man of the ton."

"But do you love Anthony?" asked your brother, voice clear as it cut through your rambling.

"Does it matter?"

"To you, it does," he responded firmly, but not unkindly.

And he was right. To you, it did matter. Perhaps not to Anthony, and perhaps not to Alexander, either. But to you, it did. Or it had, at least. And shouldn't it still matter? Even if you hadn't had the most linear season, and you hadn't found exactly what you were looking for. Shouldn't you still hope for love? And shouldn't you still fight for it, despite your best friend's terrible timing?

—

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starcrossed591 · 1 month ago

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I'm kind of obsessed with how intentional and specific Flourished Peony is being about how sexism is not just a matter of individuals being shitty, but a matter of systemic inequality. (They're also being really fucking clear that classism and other elements of the social hierarchy compound it, but that's another post.)

First, take how difficult it was for Mu Dan to get a divorce (and she still doesn't have the paperwork, which I'm *sure* is going to come back to bite her in the ass!). In her attempts to leave the Liu family, she's up not just against her terrible in laws and trash husband, but an intertwined legal and social system that works against her being able to get out alive, much less with any sort of means to support herself. In order to get the local court to approve her divorce, she not only has to prove that her husband has beaten her (and also make it look like the physical abuse she endured is much worse than it was because spousal rape I'm sure would not be acknowledged as a crime), have her body examined in public in order to prove the beating is real--and because that's not actually enough to guarantee her escape, arrange for a higher ranking official on her side and a paid audience to be there for her hearing in order to make sure the judge doesn't sweep it all under the rug. Even with all that on her side, the Judge even tries to justify kicking her out of the Liu family, leaving her dowry behind, because she has not yet born a child and therefore must be at fault for the problems in her relationship.

And *then* even though she gets her divorce papers, her (terrible, no good, piece of garbage) father-in-law sends his servant to murder her so he can keep her dowry. They've already coerced her into giving up a significant portion of that dowry, and sold other parts of it without her consent. Her father-in-law burns her divorce decree, and she has to run for her life with only a potted plant to her name. She then stages her death because she discovers she can't actually go home. Using a combo of social conventions, legal conventions, and rank, the Liu family has convinced her family that Mudan is at fault for all the trouble and as such, they would immediately send her back if she goes home for help.

And then ass if *that* wasn't enough, once Mu Dan makes it to the capital, she can't get a dang job to support herself because she doesn't have a household registration because she wasn't able to get properly divorced! And not having the proper paperwork once again makes her vulnerable to further abuse and gender based violence. She takes a job working in a tavern for 30% of what she deserves for her labor and on top of that, is then nearly sexually assaulted and forced to become the tavern owner's concubine. And even though she manages to escape, she can't hold the tavern owner responsible for beating, abduction, and attempted murder because she can't take him to court because she still *does not have the right paperwork*.

Now, a lot of people acted terribly in this sequence of events, including but not limited to: the Liu family, especially Mu Dan's father-in-law; Mu Dan's trash husband, who has treated her like something he found on the bottom of his shoe for the entirety of their marriage and now only wants to keep her because she wants to leave; the Liu family's servants, who, admittedly, don't have much recourse of their own; the judge; and the tavern owner. Murder attempt and outright abuse aside, though, there were a lot of good people who maybe even *wanted* to help Mu Dan and either couldn't or chose not to because of a combination of legal restrictions and social conventions.

Perhaps the most potent example of well-meaning people using the law and social conventions to justify their perpetuation of this system is Mu Dan's cousin, the imperial scholar. Though he does intervene to save her when she runs bang into him when running for her life from the tavern owner, what he absolutely won't do is help her get a fake household registration. Without that registration, she can't get a job and would have to fully depend on his support for food, clothing, and shelter. And hanging over his offer to house her is the threat that if her in laws find out that she's there--which they eventually would--her law-abiding cousin would almost certainly feel obliged to send her back to said in laws that want to kill her. Because legally, they have a right to do with her what they want. Because she's a woman. Who can't seem to get a divorce.

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about it, so there you go, there's my gender analysis of the first seven episodes of this drama.

#flourished peony #cdrama #meta

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dead-boys-club · 7 months ago

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† the hero : shigaraki.

❥ scenario: tomura dealing with emotions for the enemy. ❥ uuuuuuhhhh... tw for death. technically multiple but you only read about one. ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ half requested.

❥ this post has five parts to it and it's a shit show. if you have issues with tomura actually feeling human things - please leave my inbox out of it.

❥ the timeline here is fucked. the ending has tomura with red eyes, bite me. it's a fucking shit show. enjoy.

❥ hate me, please. even if you can't hate me more than i hate myself. this is 8651 words.

✧*̥˚ the feelings *̥˚✧

it's no shock that tomura would be confused and very much in denial. not only would he not understand his own feelings or the fact he could feel such a way but falling for a hero? he's supposed to despise them; it goes against his entire belief system. he would have trouble navigating such feelings, mostly because he wouldn't. he wouldn't want to deal with them. he would go the route of bullshitting his way through it and brush them off as fascination or curiosity, telling himself it was entirely about their quirk - yes, that's all it is. he couldn't possibly feel genuine affection towards a hero.

he wouldn't handle it very well. he'd be frustrated beyond belief. pro heroes are obstacles, enemies - the bane of his existence, actually. not romantic interests. the ingrained hatred would be significant to his frustration. he would barely be able to comprehend his own level of agitation. it would just continue to grow and gnaw at his thoughts.

the one thing he wouldn't expect was the sudden self doubt that bubbled up. was he going insane? he would feel as if he couldn't trust his own judgement. was he becoming weak? to tomura, emotions just get in the way and make someone too vulnerable. it felt like parts of him were exposed and raw. he would struggle with the uncertainty and the internal conflict would have him collapsing in on himself.

internalizing everything and trying to rationalize would only make things worse. he would become obsessed with them. he would find some way to learn more about them - he wouldn't go as far as stalking them but he needed to know more. he would analyze every action, movement, word - it would prove to be a distraction more than once. this would lead to more interactions, making sure he was part of any scene they were. he wouldn't admit it but he had a strong desire to be near them.

of course, he'd wonder why. what made them so.. interesting? was it the pseudo untouchable hero shit? he couldn't say they weren't attractive but he also wasn't sure when he started noticing those things. the way they spoke, fought, even the way they walked - he couldn't take it.

despite everything, seeing them injured would just add on to the rage he already felt, bringing it to a level he didn't even know he could feel. he would feel some weird, uncharacteristic protectiveness towards them, one he wouldn't even fully understand. he was getting sick of not understanding his own feelings. the problem started when he began going out of his way to make sure they weren't getting harmed by other villains. he'd be lowkey about it but unbeknownst to him, the hero wouldn't be as oblivious as the villains.

jealous. tomura doesn't exactly have the best hold of grasping his emotions, so seeing you with other heroes, even interacting with your fans - it all made his skin crawl in such a disgusting manner. it would only fuel his anger and confusion. his view of the world would also feel disrupted. how was he supposed to feel?

tomura wasn't built to handle moral dilemma - he simply wasn't. the hatred he felt towards heroes was deeply imbedded in his past, his goals and his ideology. having feelings for someone on the other side of the court, that he was supposed to loathe, would force him to reevaluate his thoughts and beliefs - he would have to face a lot of painful memories. he briefly wondered if his brain and feelings were pulling some sick, twisted hero version of 'daddy issues'. was there a part of him seeking something? he ignored the idea that something was looking and pleading to be healed.

why was he even thinking about it? they would simply reject him, anyway. he feared that rejection - the rejection of allegiances and of him as a human being. did they even see him as such? or, was he simply another monster? it would weight heavily on him, feeling as thought he could never make a move. that thought would lead him to his next problem: acceptance.

he would eventually accept his feelings and affections, somewhat begrudgingly. it would be slow and he wouldn't like it one bit. succumbing to his need to be accepted by them. it would have a sudden moment of clarity and being honest, he might vomit at the wave of overwhelming emotions. but, he would finally acknowledge as what they are.

slowly and subtly, he'd begin changing the way he acted towards them. to everyone's surprise and distaste, he would be less hostile, not wanting them involved in conflict. the notable change, however, wouldn't be good. as the other villains noticed, it would cause a rift and considerable tension among them. this would add only more to his plate.

drabble.

sitting in the dimly lit hideout, tomura was doing everything he could top stop the racing thoughts in his mind. the images of the pro were making a mess of his thoughts and he couldn't get any of it to go away. he hated how his heart race quickened and his hands shook just because of them. he was going mad.

'damn it,' he hissed to himself, agitated beyond comprehension. 'why them?'

their last encounter haunted him, playing on loop and reminding him of the way he was looked at. they looked at him as if they saw more than just a villain. their gaze held understanding, concern.. compassion. it made something in him flutter, something that shouldn't exist. something he so desperately wanted to ignore.

his thoughts were disrupted when toga bounded into the room. 'hey!' she chimed, eyes twinkling with mischief. everyone else may have had a problem but he didn't want to admit that she understood. 'thinking about your little hero again?'

his gaze shifted to glare at her, jaw clenching briefly. 'shut up. it's none of your business.'

despite knowing his temper wasn't one to mess with, she decided to comment anyway. 'don't be so upset! i love a hero, too!' she giggled, making her way out of the room. he did his best to ignore her but he couldn't. he was so in love and it terrified him to no end.

✧*̥˚ the hero is immune *̥˚✧

his instant reaction would be pure shock. he's never known someone to be immune to his quirk and that was his biggest weapon; what use was he against you? he would be powerless. having an immunity to his quirk sounded impossible. he would be almost like a child, having to test it multiple times, being unable to believe his eyes. you shouldn't still be standing in from of him. he was back to that disgusting, exposed feeling. he was... useless.

if he wasn't curious about your quirk previously, he was fully invested in figuring it out. he needed to understand how it worked. he would be relieved for a little while, thinking about how he actually had a sliver of a chance.. someone he could touch without worry but it would be quickly overshadowed by fear. what did this mean for him? he had no control, no power - no walls put up.

he would be even more confused at this point. tomura has a sense of superiority that seemed to suddenly be dissipated. he would get angry with the way he questioned his own power. his growing feelings for you would cause his thoughts to clash even more violently. his desire to destroy heroes would be shaken by his inability to harm one, not to mention not wanting to. the idea of hurting you made him sick to his stomach. however, that growing desire to learn more would just lead him to want to be even closer. he was spilling himself apart between fear and uncertainty against love and need.

something that would make this conflict worse would be not knowing if anything was real. the way you looked at him and seemed to not want to hurt him in return.. was it a ploy to get closer? was your immunity a threat and you were just.. a plan. a fake. he would struggle severely with paranoia. would you use this against him? his growing love for you was already a weakness but now, you could easily become his downfall.

but.. he could touch you. he could hold you. and, he kind of hated that.

drabble

shigaraki was pacing around in the abandoned building, lit only by streaks of moonlight, trying to get his thoughts straight as he battled fascination and frustration. you just watched, arms folded and hip cocked. you couldn't count the amount of times he'd taken your hand or touched your arm, expecting you to crumble but there you stood, unscathed. he couldn't read your expression.

'how?' he finally asked, stopping in his tracks. his voice was low, something anyone else would consider dangerous but you were confident nothing could really happen. 'how are you immune?' "why did you come? why do you keep meeting me?' he didn't voice the questions in his head.

'my quirk makes me resistant to certain types of physical damage. usually it's against things like fire damage, ice.. surface poisons. i'm guessing your decay falls under that category.' you brushed it off as casually as you could because in reality, you hadn't known the extent of your own quirk.

he took a deep breath, a whirlwind of emotions racing through him. 'why didn't you tell me? this isn't the first time we've met.' he hoped it wouldn't be the last.

you frowned a little to yourself before your gaze softened and your arms fell, shrugging. 'i knew you would see me as a threat,' you answered, 'i liked the idea of you getting to know me as a person. not a threat, not a hero.'

you had to be taunting him, right?

'you.. you're.. different.' it was mostly said to himself but not quiet enough to not be heard. he wanted to stop closer to you, to reach for you, but he stopped himself, hands trembling at his sides.

you, on the other hand, took a step towards him. 'tomura.. there's a lot more to you than just decay. the day i took your hand and we both learned i was immune? you realize i did that not knowing what would happen? you don't have to be defined by.. all of this alone.'

his breath caught in his throat and he looked away. the way you said his name with such gentleness, it made his heart ache. his eyes closed to attempt calming himself and he found himself imagining a world where you were right. a world where he wasn't a villain, where he could be with you without all of the complications. that wasn't possible.

but, those thoughts had to come to an end and reality was a harsh thing. 'this changes nothing,' he muttered, voice a bit shaky and lacking it's usual conviction. fuck.

you just nodded. 'it's a start.'

unable to shake the feeling he had, he knew it was best to say nothing more and turned to leave. he couldn't allow himself to show such a vulnerable side to you.. not when he still didn't know your motives. your immunity to decay could be something much more than a quirk, it was painting itself out to be a symbol of hope that maybe there was more to life, to his life, than fear and destruction.

✧*̥˚ the confession *̥˚✧

the atmosphere felt heavy and thick with the tension of unspoken feelings. you stood across from tomura once more, tucked away from the world in your usual meeting spot, one that shouldn't exist to begin with. you wanted to say it was worth it, unable to deny the growing bond between you, but was it? it was nice to have a place away from the prying, judgmental eyes of society, of heroes and villains. but, what would the cost be if you were found?

'we.. can't keep meeting like this, tomura. it's dangerous.' you began, knowing that both of you would face horrible consequences.

he shifted his weight, uncomfortable and awkward, eyes narrowing as he tried to hide as much as he could. 'you think i don't know that?' he hissed out, hands clenching, 'but i.. i can't just stay away. i..'

you furrowed your brow, trying to figure something out. you searched his features for some type of answer, even a sign of the person beneath the villain standing before you but it was useless. 'why do you keep coming back to me? what is it you want?'

a long pause followed your question, your desperate attempt for something, anything to ease the curiosity. his fingers twitched, palms burning with how his desire to destroy everything around him was clashing with his own desperate need to hold something - someone - and feel human for even a moment.

'i don't understand it. you make me.. question everything and i hate it. i don't know what any of this is or how to handle it. you've made me feel things that i've kept buried for so long.'

listening to him, you took a few steps towards him, leaving only about two feet of space. 'then tell me what they are and i can figure them out with you. i've said it before, tomura, you're so much more than you're giving yourself credit for. you're not just.. a vil--'

you were cut off. 'i don't need your pity, so stop. i'm not a lost cause that you can save. i'm not just another badge for your hero bullshit.' he spoke the words through gritted teeth, angry and confused about.. everything.

'if it was pity and i thought you were just a lost cause, we wouldn't be standing here. you'd be in custody,' you pointed out firmly, straightening your shoulders, 'it's not pity. pity doesn't make me meet up with a villain who is trying to kill everyone around me. this is.. this is something else.'

he didn't know how to respond for a moment, your words echoing in his head. his heart began to pound, his confidence shattering and his mask nonexistent under the weight of his feelings. 'i don't know how to say this.. i've spent so long hating, destroying.. being angry. i didn't know i was capable of feeling something like this.'

you knew things were bleeding into a territory they shouldn't and you should have stopped the moment you fully began to understand what he meant. but, heroes have their faults, too. instead, you moved closer and gently collected one of his hands. 'it's okay. just say it, whatever it is, say it. i'm here.'

his nerves were eased by your touch, gripping onto it carefully as it grounded him to reality, one that was becoming far too overwhelming. he couldn't remember the last time he felt the warmth of someone beneath his fingertips for so long and it broke him even further.

taking a deep breath, he let it out and met your gaze. 'i.. i think.. no. no, i know. i've fallen for you,' his voice grew quieter with each word, no longer trusting or confident in his own voice, 'it scares me.. but, it's the truth.'

you knew what was coming but your eyes still widened upon hearing it. you moved on your own, even closer, your free hand coming up to settle over his cheek. 'tomura,' you whispered and God, his knees threatened to give out every single time you said his name. 'i've fallen for you, too.' you knew the deep shit you'd be in if anyone found out but in the moment, in that place, labels didn't exist.

his eyes fell shut as he leaned into your touch, breath shaky. for the first time in such a long time, he felt a sliver of hope. he felt, even if for the briefest of seconds, some type of peace. 'but.. what does this mean for us..? what can we even do.. how can we make it work?' he couldn't believe he was asking such things.

you just smiled, attempting to reassure him as you thumb moved over his cheek. 'we'll figure it okay, okay? one step at a time.'

standing there in silence, you held onto each other tightly, both lost in thought of how you were going to navigate the world from both sides without losing yourselves. for the first time, tomura felt like had had something, someone, worth the fighting. this time, not out of hate.

✧*̥˚ the first date *̥˚✧

a couple of weeks after the confession was the day neither of you expected to come. the sun was beginning to set over the abandoned park, painting it gold and making it seem so surreal; it was the perfect spot to meet up away from the city. it offered peace.

tomura showed up first, hands in his pockets and trying not to press his nails against thighs shielded only by thin material. never in a million years did he think he would be waiting to meet up with a pro for anything other than conflict. the confession had been intense and overwhelming and agreeing to go on a date, well.. it was uncharted, somewhat scary territory.

as you approached, you managed to catch his gaze as it lifted. he couldn't help but think of how different you looked in casual attire, bringing the tiniest of smiles to his lips.

'you're here,' he mumbled, the mix of relief and nervousness making him want to curse under his breath. he still wasn't wanting to be so open with how his head was working.

'where else would i be?' you mused, offering a warm smile in return. 'come on, let's go.'

as you began to walk, he fell into step beside you, flinching when your arm looked with his own. it was quiet for the most part, the occasional crunch of leaves and rustle of wind breaking into the silence. it was comfortable, just roaming along. it felt normal.

'so,' you began, looking over to him, 'what do you like to do, hm?'

being interesting was something he wasn't and the question made him shrug a little. 'i.. don't really know. it's been a while since i've thought about those things or had the time to.. do anything outside of, you know, the villain stuff.'

'"the villain stuff"', you snickered, finding the answer amusing though not trying to mock him. 'i understand that.. i haven't had many hobbies myself since, well, the hero stuff, i guess.'

the walk lead to a small bench, surrounded by overgrown grass and little flowers, offering an odd sense of welcoming. you sat down first, followed by him, though he was hesitant. it all felt so domestic to him, like his normal life was so distant. he wasn't sure how to relax and accept how at ease he felt.

'what about.. any favorite places?' you asked, this time a little more quiet, attempting to draw him out of his thoughts.

he thought a second 'oh.. there was a place i used to go, some years back. an arcade.. i liked the games, all the lights.. the ugly carpet. i felt like i could be normal there.'

feeling the urge to frown at the last part, you shook it off and gently nudged him. 'arcade? maybe we can go find one someday.. play some games, be normal people.' you understood the struggle with being normal, even if it had two different reasonings.

he couldn't fight the smile that appeared, looking down to hide it from you. 'yeah.. maybe.' he felt like he was trying to fool himself, like he was playing a silly game. he thought back to how little kids would play house and it quickly turned his smile into a frown, realizing he was just playing the grown up version.

noticing the change, you leaned to rest your head on his shoulder. 'we'll get there.. i promise.'

you both sat there for a while, letting the sun go down and leaving you to look up at the night sky, content to pretend nothing else mattered. you talked about little things, even going as far as to share stories from your childhood that garnered your most favorite sound; tomura laughing. it was foreign but you found yourself just falling deeper.

sighing, you both leaned back, relaxing against each other. 'it's beautiful, isn't it?' you mumbled, referring to the sky.

tomura's gaze never left your face, not bothering to look up or even figure out what you meant. 'yeah,' he answered softly. a warmth spread through him that he'd never felt before, finally understanding that the connection.. you, in general, was something he'd been missing. it was so much more than breaking rules, lying, defying labels' he was finding a piece of himself that he'd thought dead and gone.

when you turned to find his gaze on you, your own softened and you leaned just enough to bump the tips of your noses together. he still wasn't used to the affection. 'thank you for tonight. i know.. this isn't easy.. and, i don't know where it's going to go but i'm glad we're here. trying.'

with a deep breath, he shifted around to sit sideways and face you, hesitantly taking your hand along the way. 'me too.'

you laced your fingers with his own, head tipped back against the bench to look at him in the new position, gaze full of nothing but warmth. that's how you both stayed for a while, well into the early morning, just talking. both of you felt a glimmer of hope, the promise of some type of breakthrough. something real. that could possibly make sense one day.

✧*̥˚ breaking point *̥˚✧

as the numbers on your clock switched to shine back at you just how late it was, you took a deep breath and decided it was finally time to try and sleep. it was normal for you to be awake past midnight but you just felt so drained. as you rose to head for bed, you were stopped by the faint sound of a knock at the front door. the sound put you on edge and you moved to check through the security screen, eyes widening at what you saw.

tomura was at your door, hood pulled low to mostly shield his features. something about it made your stomach twist, feeling like something was wrong and you were quick to open the door, pulling him inside. the last thing you needed was for him to get caught.

'tomura, what are you doing here?' you asked, concern evident in your voice. out of pure instinct, you began checking to see if he was hurt, heart racing.

he caught your wrists carefully to stop you, shaking his head. you took notice of how he was trembling, how his eyes flickered around the unfamiliar setting of your apartment as if someone was going to jump out and end your little game.

'i didn't know where to go,' he finally answered, voice raw and broken. 'everything.. everything is.. it's too much. i don't even know what to believe anymore.'

you were confused and worried. the man before you most definitely wasn't the one who was trying to kill you almost two years ago but he also wasn't the one who had spent several nights on a park bench laughing with you. you gently got your wrists free and guided him to the couch. 'talk to me, what happened?'

as he sat down, he held his hands in front of him, arms resting on his knees. he stared at them as if they were foreign to him, gaze filled with desperation and fear. 'do you know how long i've spent being told what to do.. who to hate, what's good, what's bad.. and now there's you. everything is different and it's.. it's terrifying.'

you weren't going to begin to say you understood because you didn't. your struggles were on a completely different playing field. that didn't stop you from reaching out to take his hands. 'you're not alone and you're not going to ever face any of this alone. it's okay to be scared.. you're human. i don't care what anyone else has ever told you - you are human. all of this.. it's new for both of us and while i can't say i can see from your view, i will be here and we will figure it out together.'

he flinched, watching the way your hands went around his, almost like he was waiting for what would always come. he still wasn't used to it and he was so scared the one day, all it would take was the brush of his hand to lose you. 'i don't know how to do this,' he whispered with a weak, broken chuckle. 'i don't know how to be anything other than what i am. what i've been. i've barely ever been seen as human.'

it broke your heart to listen to him, wishing you could go back and change something - anything - so that he didn't have to experience what put him in such a mindset. 'i wish i could give you all the answers.. but i can't. just.. breathe, okay? i'm right here.' you shifted closer to pull him into your arms, hugging him as close as you could.

tomura didn't hesitate to hide against you, face pressed into your shoulder as he began to shake with silent sobs. he clung to you, fingers curled into your shirt, relishing in the miracle of being able to touch someone and doing his best not to think of the fact it was also a curse. maybe.. just maybe, had you not been immune, you'd both be better off.

'i've been so angry for so long,' he finally spoke again, muffled against your shoulder. 'angry at everything.. heroes, the world, myself, all of it. but you, i can't even explain.. you make me feel so much more and i don't know what to do with it. are we supposed to just.. hide for the rest of our lives..? be.. ashamed..?'

'ashamed..' you repeated, tightening your hold on him, 'i'm not ashamed.' or, were you? you told yourself you could never be ashamed to be with him but he was right, you were both hiding. you'd both be traitors, untrusted.. unwanted. 'i.. i don't know. it's not easy and.. i just don't know.'

he didn't respond and you didn't expect him to, your answer giving him next to no relief and only giving yourself more to think about. but, you stayed put for a while, holding him as he cried, letting out years of pent up emotions, the weight of fear and doubt becoming too much. slowly, his sobs began to slow and his breathing evened out. he wasn't anywhere near done but his body really had nothing left.

'thank you,' he muttered, voice hoarse as he turned his head, coughing a little. 'i.. i really don't know what i'd do without you.. how i made it this far, even.'

'you never have to worry about that,' you promised, gently brushing his hair aside. you hoped your own worry wasn't noticeable.

leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead, you pulled back slowly to get to your feet, holding out your hand. 'stay, let's go to bed. you need the rest.. away from everything.'

✧*̥˚ golden gaze *̥˚✧

off for the afternoon, you sat on your couch, head in your hands as you reflected on the events of three nights ago. seeing tomura so broken and not being able to give any answers - it put you in a place of wondering just what was going to happen. was your quirk such an unfortunate thing to put you in such a place? you didn't ask to fall in love but you knew walking away wasn't an option. you were startled out of your thoughts by a knock and honestly, you were getting nervous about visitors and upon getting up to check, you had every right to be. behind your door was hawks, his usual relaxed expression replaced with something serious. something.. dangerous.

'hey,' he greeted when you finally opened the door, his tone telling you this wasn't just a friendly visit. 'we need to talk.'

fuck.

you nodded and let him in, door closed and locked behind him. hawks made his way into the living room, golden eyes scanning out of habit and to search for something - for someone. once you were both seated, he eyed you for a moment.

'They've got me watching you. It's been two weeks now,' he said bluntly, clenching and unclenching his jaw. 'They know something's up. Suspicious as always.'

your heart sank and you knew the way you flexed your fingers and looked away said all that he needed. 'i see,' you whispered. you knew it could happen, even being so careful, and the confirmation felt like a punch to the gut. no matter how hard you tried, lying to him wasn't possible.

hawks sighed and leaned back, pushing a hand through his hair. 'Look.. we're friends, have been for a while. So, I'm gonna be straight with you and ask. Who is it? What have you been sneaking around for and do I need to put an end to it?'

you knew that fighting your best friend wasn't something impossible and as much as you'd both be against it.. you shook your head. the weight of your friendship made you tell the truth, knowing your secrets were at least in good hands. 'Tomura Shigaraki,' you confessed, looking down as your fingers gripped at your sweatpants, 'we.. we've been seeing each other. i know, i know how it sounds and it's complicated but it's real, Kei. you know i wouldn't risk so much if it wasn't.'

hawks' eyes widened before he let out a low whistle, head shaking as he let your words sink it. 'Shigaraki.. that's.. damn, that's big.' he was still processing the information, genuinely at a head with how he was supposed to react. when he was called in, he expected it to be something small. 'Can't say I'm a fan, for obvious reasons. He's dangerous, and everything he stands for goes against what all of us are fighting for.'

you didn't need to be reminded and it brought tears to your eyes, unable to stop them. 'i know, kei. but.. please, try to understand, he's different when it's just us. he's trying.. i- i feel like he could change. i believe in him.' it sounded pathetic, betting your career on love and hope.

hawks was silent for a second, analyzing you before he scooted closer, a hand settling on your shoulder. 'i won't tell anyone. the commission won't hear it from me. as far as i'm concerned, you've just been sneaking out to catch a break.'

your head snapped up, looking at him through the blur of your tears. 'thank you.. but why? you.. why would you take such a big risk..?'

he didn't want to make things morbid but it was something you'd already heard from him. he gave a sad smile, squeezing your shoulder. 'I can't take something away from someone that i've always wanted. a real connection, real love.. someone to come home to. it's rare. and if you really think he could change, maybe there's hope for you guys. i can't.. get in the way of that. you wouldn't be here, like this, if it wasn't real.'

his words only made more tears fall, the stress and anxiety of the last several days finally hitting their breaking point. 'i.. i don't know what to do, kei. h-he's scared and doesn't know what to do.. fate is s-so fucking cruel to do this to us,' you sobbed, lifting your hands slightly in a gesture, 'to put us against each o-other.. the opposite sides of a full blown w-war.. and make us love each other? why..'

shifting around, hawks pulled you into a hug, wings folding around you in a protective manner. 'it is fucked up.. but, i'm sure you're going to figure it out. you're not alone in this.'

you clung to him, sobbing against his shoulder and letting out the tears you couldn't, wanting to be strong for tomura. hawks just let you be, whispering what he could of reassurances and offering comfort that it seemed you desperately needed. as you began to gradually calm down, finding it difficult to breathe, you pulled back slightly, beyond thankful to have the blond as such a close friend.

'thank you, kei,' you whispered, wiping and rubbing at your eyes.

he shrugged, wiping away a tear from your cheek with a small smile. 'hey, what are friends for? i'll do what i can to help.. just, be careful, alright? one step at a time.'

you sat together for a while, telling him more and getting his comments. you were thankful for the support, feeling a little less suffocated by everything. the future was uncertain but you would find a way.

✧*̥˚ confrontation *̥˚✧

tomura sat at the worn out table of the hide out, one arm crossed with his forehead resting on it, lost in thought. he seemed to be going over the same thoughts as you. what he hadn't expected was the door to swing open with a harsh bang against the wall and dabi to enter, eyes bright with anger.

'it is true?' he ask, voice dripping with contempt. 'you've got to be kidding me. you're involved with a pro hero?'

he was too tired to fight. 'what if i am?' he asked, head lifting to look at him, expression unreadable. 'it's none of your business.'

his brow furrowed when the latter slammed his hand on the table, the rattle making him groan. as dabi leaned closer, eyes flickering, he knew the conversation wasn't going to end well. 'what the hell are you thinking? they're the enemy - our enemy! you're the leader of the league of villains, for fucks sake!'

he'd never exactly seen the other show that much of a reaction to something and honestly, a tiny part of him was amused. 'you're talking like you do anything but chase after your pro hero father for acknoweldgement. you're going to lecture me?'

before dabi could respond, toga had slipped into the room, a look of concern on her features. 'i think you should calm down,' she said, stepping between them. 'do you really think it's that simple? come on.'

turquoise eyes rolled and a laugh sounded, echoing in the most empty room. 'not that simple? he's fraternizing with the enemy, toga. this could destroy everything we've ever worked for.'

toga shook her head, glancing back to tomura before speaking, her tone soft but firm. 'no, it won't. shigaraki knows what he's doing. besides.. maybe this could be a good thing?'

getting up from his seat, tomura stood up, meeting dabi's gaze. 'i'm not betraying the league. i know what's at stake but.. i won't give up on them. it's making me question things, sure, but maybe toga's right.'

looking between the two of them, the oldest scoffed. 'why are either of you even here? you both sound like lovesick morons. what's next? are you going to go and beg to join them next?'

toga frowned at the words, knowing her own interaction with heroes was just as complicated. 'he's right.. we've all questioned things but we're all still here. maybe.. it'll be a push to a better path.'

his anger wavered as he looked between them once more, feeling uncertain but he was aware no one was changing their minds. 'and what happens when your precious hero betrays us? what happens when they betray you, shigaraki?'

it wasn't a thought that tomura wanted bouncing around his head, not again. his gaze hardened and his fists clenched but he had nothing to say. he trusted you but no one was going to listen. toga just looked up to him, feeling sympathy for his dilemma. he was thankful at least one person was on his side.

dabi sighed, frustrated, and just threw his hands up. 'whatever. when this backfires, don't expect me to clean up the mess.' and with that, he was already stomping off out of the room, head shaking.

'don't worry, we'll handle it together,' toga said, regaining some of her usual playfulness as she turned to face tomura. 'we always do. i'm here for you, too.'

tomura felt a slight sense of relief that it hadn't escalated any further, humming at the girl's attempt to comfort him. '..thanks, toga.. i appreciate it.'

she winked, showing off a toothy grin. 'anytime! now, let's figure out our next move, yeah?'

✧*̥˚ the delusion of a happy ending *̥˚✧

the night was quiet, eerily so as you patrolled the outskirts of town. but something felt off and you couldn't put a finger on it. the darkness felt heavy, almost suffocating as your stomach began to twist with an overwhelming sense of dread. you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong but what? everything seemed normal. nothing seemed out of place. not a soul was even in the streets.

and suddenly, the air began to thicken, crackling with what could only be a sinister energy. you shouldn't have turned around. you should have flagged the others and done your best to run but you didn't. you turned on your heel to face the one person you knew you couldn't defend yourself against. All For One stood before you, his presence felt like it was crushing you and he radiated malice.

'good evening, hero,' he began, voice mocking. 'i've been waiting to meet you.'

you hesitated before taking a defensive stance, deciding if you were going out, you'd at least try. 'what do you want?'

his response was to chuckle and it made your heart pound, skin crawling at the sound. 'you see, there's been something of a.. complication recently. shigaraki seems to have taken a liking to you and.. well, that simply won't do.'

your eyes widened, realization dawning on you. 'you.. how do you..?'

'i know everything,' he answered, tone laced with disdain, 'i cannot allow this distraction to continue. he must remained focused on our goals.'

before you could react, his hand raised and a malevolent energy began swirling about his fingers. moving didn't seem to be an option, feeling as if the air itself was keeping you glued to your spot. this was it - you were going to die and didn't even have a fighting chance. you almost laughed at how pathetic it was.

'this is for the greater good, you see?' he began coldly, 'your quirk has become quite the nuisance and i think it's time to get rid of such a pesky thing. you don't need it, right?'

reality was a cruel thing. he wasn't going to kill you. he was going to make you miserable. before you could speak, a sudden searing pain spread through your frame. it felt as if every fiber of your being was being torn apart, atom by atom and you screamed, the sound echoing through the streets.. or maybe not? no one seemed to hear it. your visioned was blurry by the time you were dropped to your knees, feeling empty and weak.

All For One stepped closer, his expression one of mild curiosity. 'it's fascinating how easily power can be taken away, isn't it,' he mused.'

as the pain subdued, you felt hollow.. a disgusting, heavy emptiness flooding you. you'd never fully understood your quirk but it had given you something so meaningful and it was gone. looking up to the man, your eyes filled with angry tears. 'you won't win,' you hissed out, nearly choking on the words, 'h-he'll see through your bullshit.'

'perhaps.'

with that, he was gone, disappearing into the shadows in which he came, leaving you broken on the ground. you tried to stand but your legs gave out, leaving you on the concrete to let reality fully sink in on what had happened. you were quirkless. and there was nothing you could do about it.

desperation build as you thought of tomura and you knew you needed to find him, to tell him. it took several minutes to summon any strength you had left to get to your feet, mind racing as you thought of where you could go. your secret meeting spot.. surely if he didn't hear from you, like he was supposed to, he'd look for you, right?

you stumbled through the streets, body aching and heart heavy. the cruel words of that evil man echoed through your thoughts, making you even more determined to keep going. his sick idea to not kill you but to use you against tomura made your insides burn with hatred. she felt vulnerable without her quirk but there was nothing she could do. she needed to find him.

it felt like hours before you reached the familiar spot, the bench from your first day, and collapsed onto it. your breathing was ragged and you were exhausted, pain still throbbing through your limbs. 'tomura, please..' you whispered to yourself.

it took an hour for him to appear, frantically looking for you after you didn't show up. his eyes grew wide with concern upon seeing the state you were in. 'what happened to you?' he asked, rushing to your side and instinctively reaching for you, his worry overriding his usual caution and hesitancy.

you were too slow. too slow to move, too slow to speak. before you had the chance to explain, his fingertips brushed against your arm. 'tomura, wait-!' you tried to get out, words having been caught in your throat as confusion, pain and fear filled you, overwhelming your senses. the sensation of decay was something your mind didn't even have time to describe to yourself. your eyes widened in pure horror and before he could even register what was happening, you were gone.

tomura's own eyes widened, watching his biggest fear unfolding right in front of him and it brought up too many flashbacks. 'no.. no, this.. this can't be happening,' he couldn't speak above a whisper, watching as you disintegrated and slipped through his fingers like sand. before he could fully comprehend what was happening, he fell to his knees, hands clutching the remnants of the person he'd grown to care for and love so deeply. the weight of his actions crashed down on him like a tidal wave and he could only think of one way you'd suddenly have no immunity to him.

'no!' he cried out, voice echoing through the empty alleyway, 'no, no, no..'

as he knelt there, surrounded by the dust that once had been you, someone he was willing to change so much for, he was back to the racing thoughts of conflicting emotions. the person who had made him question everything, had healed so much, that gave him hope for something better, was gone. and it was his fault. it was always his fault. he heard your voice in his head, telling him he wasn't a monster and it brought tears to his eyes.

'i am a monster,' he managed to get out, voice breaking, 'but him.. i..i trusted him.. and now.. he promised to help , to give me power.. a-all he's done it take e-everything away.. what little i had.' he didn't know how to come to terms with the new revelation, feeling like he was tearing apart at the seems. 'everything i believed in.. everything he taught me.. it was all a lie..'

'why.. why did this have to happen?' he asked himself, shaking with grief and rage. it was his fault. had he never approached you, it wouldn't have happened. the self blame hit but he was still far too angry to fully take the blame.

the reality of All For One's manipulation hit him with a harsh case of clarity. the mentor he had trusted, the one who took him in and cared for him, shaped his future.. the same man who orchestrated such a cruel fate. he felt such a burning hatred in his gut that he couldn't move. on top of his anger pressed the soul shattering guilt for what had happened, all because he was stupid enough to believe he deserved better.

as he sat their in the darkness for hours, hands stained, and weeping over the hero he loved, he no longer had any sense of purpose. who could he trust? who was right anymore..? as he let his thoughts wander, he thought back to the moment you spoke of change.. of understanding. he would carry the memory of you with him and make sure your loss wouldn't be in vain. it would be the catalyst for a new path.

as he got to his feet, elbow against the brick wall for support, he looked up to the night sky and took a deep, shaky breath. the path he was about to take was uncertain and the fight he would find himself in wasn't going to be easy - he even hoped it ended with being reconnected with you. but he would fight for a future that could honor your memory and he would find his own way, free from anyone else's control.

✧*̥˚ a tiny little bonus *̥˚✧

the sun was shining brightly over the campus, casting a warm glow over the students wandering across the grass, most likely trying to get to classes. among them, you walked between your two friends - toya and himiko. the group was chatting, laughing away as they discussed what they would get up to once all of their classes were over.

you were just starting your second year of college along with himiko, following behind toya who was in his third. the small blond girl added an bright, infectious energy to the conversation as she talked with her hands, excitedly talking about a project she was working on. toya on the other hand, while being interested, complained about his own project that he wasn't even sure would be finished in time. the day felt like quite an adventure to you, just nodded along and commenting when there was an opening.

as they walked, your attention was caught by a passing group of students - one in particular. a young man with disheveled black hair and soft red eyes, licking over his lips when one of his friends made a comment about them being dry. you bit back a chuckle when hearing a rebuttal about seasonal allergies. she couldn't ignore the way something tugged at her mind.

tenko was a transfer student who'd spent the past week unpacking and getting his schedule squared away, had somehow already made a small group of friends despite his seemingly introverted manner. as he walked, nudging one of the guys teasing him, he couldn't help but feel a strange sensation, feeling eyes on him and he stopped, turning around to catch your's gaze.

for a moment, time seemed to stand still. the world faded out and all they saw was each other, a familiar tug pulling at each other their hearts.

in your head, an familiar scene played, showing them in a pro hero costume, standing beside shigaraki in the dark alley. his gaze held fear and longing and you were brushing over his cheek, whispering that it would be okay. the memory seemed to bring tears to your eyes.

tenko, on the other hand, could see the moment he'd finally understood his quirk wasn't going to work. his hand was on your cheek, relief flooding him at the smallest touch. the raven was confused but it felt so.. familiar.

'hey, you okay?' himiko's voice broke through the spell and you blinked, head tipping towards her.

'oh.. sorry, i..' you began, pursing your lips, 'i thought i saw someone i knew..'

toya's eyebrow went up, glancing towards the young man then back. 'you know him?'

you shook your head with a frown. 'no but.. it feels like i should..? i just.. i just saw.. you know what, forget it? i sound crazy.'

tenko felt a familiar pull and as he kept walking, something told in to stop. he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew you, seemingly in another life, and he couldn't get himself to keep moving. the sensation was so unbelievably strong, he turned around and looked for you once more.

he didn't have a choice as he began moving towards you, heart beating harsh in his chest. 'excuse me,' he called, '..y/n?' he wasn't sure where the name came from but as he looked in your eyes, he felt an overwhelming wave of emotions, too many pictures rolling through his thoughts.

hearing the name, you looked up at him. 'tomura..?' you whispered.

himiko and toya had stepped back, exchanging curious glances but staying silent, not wanting to ruin the moment.

as you went to offer a hand to him, another student bumped him into you and the touch alone brought everything back. both of your memories from your past life flooding back like a dam had broken. both of you were shown the final moments of your relationship. and something in you broke, even dropping your bag.

'you.. you went against.. him..?' you asked, already throwing your arms around him as tears welled up in your eyes. you knew you shouldn't be upset but he wouldn't be standing in front of you had he not passed soon after.

'for you.' was his only answer, arms going around you tightly.

as the two of you stood, clinging to each other, whispering and sniffling, toya nudged himiko. 'did we just witness some reincarnation soulmate shit..?' he whispered, though he couldn't help but smile.

himiko nodded, offering him a toothy grin in return. 'fate really is weird, huh?' she asked, nudging him back. 'wonder if either of us have soulmates out there.'

the white haired male shrugged, tossing his bag over his shoulder. 'who knows.. wonder what kinda people we were, though.'

when the two of you pulled back, hands laced and prepared to face a whole new life together, you turned to face your friends. 'i'm sure we were friends in our past lives, too,' you chimed, being at least a little hopeful. none of your memories with each other showed them. soulmate stuff was weird, you decided.

himiko leaned down to pick up your discarded back. 'i'm sure we were all friends in all of our past lives.. just like we'll be in the next.'

everyone smiled and fell into step. tenko had waved back to his friends to go on without him and you resumed your conversation about plans, automatically pulling the raven into the middle of them.

'my dad's throwing some weird party for my brother.. you guys want to just hang out at my place?' toya asked, looking over the group. 'you can bring your new boyfriend.'

you rolled your eyes. 'wonder if your dad is this.. creepily.. attached to you and your siblings in another life. i'm pretty sure most of your house is covered in family portraits.'

'you realize i moved to a dorm just so i could breathe, right? he's like.. i don't even know how to explain it. he's like those t.v dad's that are so.. perfect? it's annoying.'

himiko laughed. 'you're upset because you have a loving family? that's soooo weird.'

toya clicked his tongue and reached to pinch her arm. 'you live on campus too, you know?'

you listened to them bicker, content to lean into tomura's side, peeking up at him as you walked. he glanced down at you, leaning to press a kiss against your forehead.

maybe, you thought, this life would treat you better.

#mha scenarios #mha imagines #mha imagine #mha x reader #mha #bnha x reader #bnha scenarios #bnha #bnha imagines #shigaraki x reader #tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura #bnha shigaraki

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chrystal-ink · 4 months ago

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Shadow x Fem Reader

Regency au part two Dream

No content warning in this one mostly just set up.

-Enjoy

Your carige ride home was spent in a dizzy haze your mind reeling from the events of the night. The excitement of your first ball and the sudden reappearance of your childhood friend had left your mind scattered and you needed to pick up the pieces.

You couldn't recall much after your dance with Shadow, just saying a simple goodbye before making your swift getaway into the crowd. Your mother, who had accompanied you that night, with her impeccable timing, was ready to retire for the evening meaning you didn't have to make up an excuse as to why you needed to leave before the ball was technically over.

Unfortunately your mother had seen you dance with the Viscount, and she was more than pleased.

"oh it is delightful that you two have reunited after all this time, and what a lovely couple you would make. I should invite him for tea, or perhaps dinner. Do you know what food he prefers? Perhaps I shall ask his mother maybe she will know. Do you know if he will call upon you tomorrow? Well he must with the way he was looking at you as you danced."

"Momma, perhaps you should hold off on planning the wedding until after I have secured a proposal." You interjected, tired of your mother's chatter.

"Oh come now darling, you know it is much too soon for him to propose, you must court him for two weeks at least." Your mother responded, completely missing your sarcasm. "I suppose if one is passionately in love an hour can feel like a lifetime, in which case a proposal may not be far away at all."

"Momma, tonight was the first time I've seen the Viscount in eight years largely because he has ignored me or any attempts I have made to rekindle our friendship. I sincerely doubt that he is in love with me. He mearly wants to make amends for his past actions."

"Well then he has apologized has he not?"

"No he has not."

"And would you accept said apology should he choose to do so?"

"I am not sure, that is the problem. He hurt me so deeply when he left I do not know if I have that kind of forgiveness in me."

"Well I'm sure both of you will come around eventually you were so close as children I doubt much has changed since then."

"Many things have changed since then, he is a viscount now he is responsible for his family's legacy one that has been tarnished no thanks to his cousin, not to mention he is a very high ranking member of the court, a court that could outs him over the slightest hint of scandal. He does not have time to worry about matters such as finding a wife let alone apologizing to me or anyone else he has wronged."

It hurt you to say those things but you knew it was true, it was by the grace of her majesty that the Robotnicks kept their place in society. Nobody knew why. rumors spread throughout the ton on the circumstances which allowed them to keep their ranking. Many thought it was bribery some said it was manipulation, others suggested an affair with the queen was what kept the Robotnick name safe from further scandal. You weren't sure which rumor was worse.

"Young lady the circumstances surrounding you two may have vastly changed, but your heart has remained as loving as ever, no matter how much you try to deny it. And as for the viscount if he is wise then he will apologize in due time, but only you can decide weather he is worth the forgiveness."

Your mother though odd in her own ways, always knew what you needed to hear even if you didn't necessarily want to hear it. Feelings had reamerged, ones that you had suppressed long ago, they were neglected and begged for attention, and they weren't going to leave you alone without a fight.

"Thank you Momma for the kind words, I wish to reflect in silence for the rest of the ride home."

"Of course my darling, try not to grow too worrisome you two have time to work things out."

The rest of the ride home was silent only the only sound that could be heard were the horses trotting guiding you and your mother home.

💎

Sleep did not come easily to you that night, your mind buzzing with questions.

Why should Shadow reappear now of all times?

Could it have anything to do with your coming out this year?

What has he been up to for all these years?

What is this mysterious fluttering in your chest, and why do you only feel it when you think of him?

Your mind flipped rapidly through these questions until a restless slumber overtook you.

💎

You were back at the ball, only it was different this time. The crowd around you was replaced with an eerie emptiness. Your dance card had only one slot on it and Shadow's name took it's place.

The music began and he was nowhere to be seen. You ran about the ballroom calling his name but he could not be found. Finally you collapsed on the floor in despair tears falling from your eyes and crashing onto the dancefloor.

Suddenly you felt a warm presence around you. It drew you into it's embrace and held onto you as you sobbed.

The presence whispered in you ear. "No need to cry now, I'm here, I will always be here, no matter how much time has passed, I promise I will not leave you again."

You turned to the presence unable to make out it's face until it reached out a hand to dry your tears.

"Shadow"

He didn't respond in words he just looked into your eyes as he removed his gloves placing his bare hand on your cheek. Instinctively you leaned into his warm gentle touch leaning closer and closer to his face until your lips were mere centimeters from touching.

You gasped immediately torn out of your dream and into reality. Your heart was racing as though you had been running and a cold sweat had seeped through your nightgown.

The morning sun had begun to peak through your curtains as you steadied yourself. Slowing your breath you had only one thought that went through your head.

What on earth was that?

Before you had time to absorb the shock of your dream your mother and your ladies maid burst into your bedroom.

"Good morning my dear, you shouldn't be in bed at this late hour, not when there is so much to do today! Lilly be a dear and draw her a bath will you she looks completely disheveled from last night."

"Yes madam" Lilly said before quietly leaving to get your bath prepared.

"Oh darling there is so much to do we are woefully under prepared for this season and we didn't even know it, we will be taking gentlemen callers in two hours, after that we must go to the modiste to get you a new wardrobe, and then we shall promenade with the Rose family this afternoon after tea."

"Mother we just bought me a new wardrobe for the season why must we return to the modiste, how many more dresses could I possibly need."

"It appears that the reemergence of the Viscount has been proven to be quite beneficial to you, we have been receiving invitations all morning. Balls, Banquets, Teas, all sorts of events all wanting you. And then this arrived."

Your mother handed you a copy of the Ton's gossip column. You heart began to race again as you read the words.

"Queen Elise pronounces miss Y/N L/N as her diamond of the season"

#shadow the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog x reader #shadow x reader #shadow #sonic fanfiction #x reader #sonic the hedgehog #not beta read #not alot of character interaction in this i promise there will be more in the next part #regency era au

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ifitmeanslosingyouthenno · 4 months ago

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hold on (you must be hurting)

day 15 whumptober prompt: childhood trauma | painful hug | “i did good right?”

david was tired of his kids having to confess their darkest secrets for the entire world to judge and know and scrutinize

first it was the twins during aaron's trial, now it was neil for nathan's

it was fucking unfair to have his kids have to relieve their nightmares for the sake of proving they were only trying to save themselves

at least, with the twins, they had their small and unconventional family, they had nicky, they had their respective partners, they had betsy (andrew had betsy)

david could at least breathe knowing that they had someone to rely on, someone who could hold them up when they felt like falling, someone who could get them back together after it was over

after aaron was declared innocent thank fuck

david can't have the same reassurance about neil

not after his resident danger magnet decided he didn't want anyone with him during the trials up in dc, not even andrew

something that andrew obviously didn't appreciate

but david tried to understand him, even if his motives are stupid, tried to understand how hard it is for him to relieve every one of his father's crimes he remembered, tried to understand how he didn't want them to look at him and see his father, or worse, see his father's son

he was going to be there for the kid when he got back and innevitably broke down, when he forced his exhausted body on the court to get all that stress out until he couldn't go any longer

he was going to make sure both him and andrew were okay and well and safe

at least that was his plan until the redhead himself calls him one night before he's meant to return, voice shaky and smaller than he has sounded in years

"hi coach, i know it's kinda sudden, but can you come to dc tomorrow?"

it brings back harsh memories, of a new years eve turned sour in the form of a beat up neil, of a marked neil against his will

"what time do you want me there kid?"

he says kid out of habit, but neil hasn't ever felt quite as child-like as he does when he sighs out of relief loud enough the phone picks it up

"i have to be at the court at 8"

he doesn't have to say it, david hears the "can you be here before that?"

"text me the address kid"

david just lets matt know he's going to have to act as coach and captain for tomorrow, avoids answering why, just tells matt he'll give him a bottle of whatever he wants when he gets back

he has the decency to let andrew know as well, that he's had an emergency with one of his recruits out of the state that he needs to take care of

david knows that andrew suspects something is going with neil, but is counting on his refusal to ask for things, not to mention his deep respect for neil setting a boundary

he gets two of hours of sleep at most, and leaves just at midnight, making the seven hour drive up to DC with enough coffee in his system he doesn't even feel tiredness pull at him

neil is waiting for him in the lobby of the shitty hotel they stashed him in, a couple of too obvious feds around him, failing to pretend they aren't there to protect him

it makes david's blood boil

neil looks small sitting on a too big chair, picking at his cuticles hard enough that david would bet he's bleeding

at the motion of his entrance, neil looks up, and david's heart clenches in his chest at the sight of his bloodshot eyes and the deep bags under them. he's practically swimming in andrew's oversized jersey, and despite it not making sense, he looks as if he's lost weight in the past 4 days

neil's hands are twitching, and it takes everything in david not to reach for him and hold him close, but instead he thanks his foresight of buying him a breakfast muffin and a fruitcup in a diner he found on his way, and he hands neil the takeout bag

neil takes it with shaky fingers, silent, but his eyes speak enough in his stead

david doesn't push him

"i see the feds still suck at blending in"

that brings the smallest of smiles to neil's face, and he opens the takeout bag, staring at the muffin and the diced fruit with eyes bright and emotional, before taking a deep breath

"tell me what i've missed"

it's the only words neil speaks the entire time they're in that hotel lobby or on the ride over to the court, but david is more than happy to distract him with talks of practice the last 4 days

he makes sure to also let him know about how andrew and his foxes have been doing, about how they've been safe

the next thing he knows, they're entering a courtroom, mood somber and cold and wary

david sees the change in neil, sees the way he doesn't seem like he's there at all, but somewhere else entirely, and he talks over the things he's been and the horrors he's lived through as if they happened to someone else, as if it doesn't affect him still

if nathan wesnisnki and his circle weren't dead, nothing would stop david from going after them himself, not after everything they put neil through, not after they hurt him as bad as they did, not after they tortured him as a literal fucking child

he can't ever imagine being so cruel, being such a fucking piece of trash as a human, that you willingly abuse and torture and almost kill your own fucking child

he wouldn't imagine killing your child's mother in front of them, just for daring to want to get a chance at a better life, away from violence and crime and everything the wesninski and moriyama families did

(even if to david's knowledge, mary hatford was no saint either)

he's shaking with anger once they let neil walk off that stand, looking defeated and half gone and suffering

he wants nothing more than to jump that wooden barrier and get to neil’s side as he sits by the fbi agents protecting him

he has to stop breathing when almost shily, neil looks up and searches for david's gaze, meeting his eyes just enough that his shoulder lower oh so minutely, but it's everything

they go on a break, one where neil silently sits curled up in the corner of the bathroom, one of his guards with his back to the door, and one of david's cigarettes clutched tightly between shaky fingers

david himself aches for one, but he knows neil needs them more than him, even if he doesn't actually smoke them

from then on, neil is only called up to the stand one last time, and he looks so bone deep exhausted david is trembling with rage

how dare they make his kid tell them all of this again? hasn't he been through enough? hasn't he told them enough? what more could they possibly need?

and how dare they demand this from him?

by the time they let him stand, his legs are shaking so bad he stumbles once and has to catch himself on the stand, leaving the judge to stare at him with pity

where was that pity when they were forcing him to retell the worst moments of his life?

the moment the judge announces that nathan wesninski is found guilty of first degree murder of at least 34 people, at least the same amount of kidnappings, torture, fraud, withholding information from a federal investigation, and many other things, david is sprinting towards the flimsy doors separating him from his kid

he has no idea what neil needs right now, but whatever it is, he's going to be by his fucking side, he's not letting these bastards torture him any longer

neil is looking for david too, and it makes something in him break when he looks at those eyes brimming with tears

neil surprises him when he throws himself at david's chest, all but collapsing with his arms around his waist before david can even blink

neil josten is hugging him

neil josten who once upon a time flinched away from him when he moved too fast, neil josten who has the worst things in life associated to men old enough to be his father, neil josten who has never seeked out support this explicitly

the same neil, his neil

it's not until he notices neil's shuddering breaths, that he breaks out of his shock, and pushes past the discomfort, pushes past his own walls, pushes past his hurt, and he throws his arms over neil's shoulders as gently as he can

he feels neil trembling, doesn't know if it's out of grief, or pain, or shock, but he does his best to be what he needs, awkwardly soothing him with gentle movements

it doesn't last more than a minute or two, before neil is pushing away softly, gathering his strength to stand up on his own, breathing steady despite it all

his voice remains soft, softer than david has come to associate with him, closer to a whisper than anything else, and neil can't quite stop the waver in it

"i did good right?"

and david wants to scream, wants to curse the world who has hurt his kid so badly, wants to scream at the fbi for being unable to find proof of everything that bastard ever did before it was this late, wants to scream at them for not protecting neil sooner

he takes a deep breath and doesn't do any of that, doesn't let his expression be true

he places a hand on neil's shoulder, easing some more of that tension off his small frame

"yes you did kid, i'm really proud of you, you know?"

neil doesn't quite smile, but his eyes finally soften, finally ease

david doesn't understand how anyone could never hurt his children

because they were his, even if he didn't dare admit it, even if some were the biggest assholes on the planet, even if some were problematic beyond repair, even if some just couldn't stop themselves from tauting the literal fucking mafia

they were his children, david's, and he would rather chop off his own hands than hurt them

he would give his own life to keep them safe

he would do anything for them

"come on kid, let's go home"

(he would never admit that his bond to neil was different than that with anyone else, not even to himself)

idc if it's ooc for neil to hug wymack, they're father and son to me and neil wants to hug wymack and who am i to stop him, you can pry dadmack from the cold hands of my corpse title from son by palace (hugely recommend it for the purpose of this day's vibes)

#aftg #all for the game #aftg fic #whumptober #whumptober 2024 #aftg hc #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #david wymack

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mlmxreader · 2 months ago

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Appreciate The Company | Kuai Liang x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ “Come a little closer” With Kuai Liang please? ❞

: ̗̀➛ You and Kuai Liang both have a crush on one another, and it's only thanks to Johnny Cage that either of you find out about it.

trigger warnings: ̗̀➛ swearing

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

spotlight fundraiser : ̗̀➛ Help Mahmoud and Family Rebuild their life

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

You watched from afar as Kuai Liang gave a lesson to his men; perched on a rock in a white fluffy coat that Johnny had said made you look like a stand-in for an East 17 music video, you stood out easily.

The little wave that Kuai Liang gave you between breaks never failed to make your heart skip and pound amongst your ribs, worried that they might break sooner or later; you couldn't tell him, though.

Kuai Liang was a Grandmaster, he was a man of authority and respect and you were... Johnny Cage's friend. Nothing exactly special, nothing exactly deserving of a man of Kuai Liang's calibre.

Your phone went off, and you checked it to see a message from Johnny; he kept trying to get you to tell him how you felt, and as your self-appointed wingman, Johnny wasn't going to go two minutes without posting you about it - you weren't sure what was worse between that and Kung Lao backing him up on it.

You decided to ignore it when you noticed the man of every single hour coming over to you; you tried not to grin, your face feeling warm as you cleared your throat and curtly nodded at him.

"Grandmaster."

"Please," he said gruffly. "Kuai Liang."

You shook your head. "Oh, no, I couldn't, I-"

"Why not?" He frowned, furrowing his brows together.

You shrugged as you rubbed the back of your neck, a little embarrassed. "I, I just mean, y'know, you're the erm, the grand Mister- I mean Grandmaster! I, I couldn't do you a dist, disrespect like that."

Casually, Kuai Liang gestured to the rock beside you. "May I?"

You nodded, moving over a little. "Yeah! Yeah, sure thing, I mean, I mean, this is your, your home after all and I'm just-"

"More than a guest," he told you softly with a smile. "This is your home, too."

"I couldn't, I-"

"Why are you always so nervous to speak to me?" He asked quietly, almost like he was saddened by the thought.

You cleared your throat as you tried to steady your words. "I just, I... well, you know, you're... you're very... very nice."

Kuai Liang smiled a little as he patted your knee gently. "Johnny Cage told me."

Your eyes went wide as your jaw dropped; gawking at him as all ability to form words completely left you. Stunned was not quite the word, a massive underexaggeration.

He laughed softly, scratching his bearded chin. "Don't worry, it was either he was going to tell me... or he was going to tell you. I didn't want you to have that embarrassment."

"But..." You took a moment to steady your breath. "But you... you feel the same?"

He nodded, holding his hand out. "Would you please come a little closer?"

You shakily took his hand and allowed him to tug you closer as he took your other hand and gazed at you. He didn't look, he fucking gazed.

"Grandmaster..."

"Kuai Liang," he protested with a gentle laugh. "Listen... I've never... I've never thought for once about romance, and... and I am rusty in that department. But for you? I would give it a try."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing, feeling as if you were going to put the back of your hand to your forehead and fall backwards like all those silly cliche murder mystery films. "You... wait... you don't... you don't..."

"I feel the same as you do," he said with a soft laugh. "Would you... allow me to court you?"

You nodded slowly. "Erm. Okay. Yeah."

He gently took your hand again, and softly kissed the back of it just below your knuckles. "I have a free day today - Raiden is going to give my men some lessons on self defence... would you like to come on a walk with me?"

You nodded again. "Okay."

Slowly, Kuai Liang stood up, and gave you his hand to hold as he smiled; when you fell into step beside him, he grinned as he felt you swing your hand a little bit. He guided you through the woods, letting you stop to admire a particularly interesting looking few plants; he wasn't expecting you to ask him to catch a snowball and throw it back.

He laughed softly when it exploded against your hands.

"Is this your idea of flirting?" He asked, tugging you close. He realised he had brought you too close when he could not take his eyes from your mouth.

You laughed nervously. "Too much?"

He shook his head, the tip of his nose grazing against yours. "Take this at your own pace, my love. If this isn't our first date, then so be it. I don't mind."

"I am just so fucking nervous," you breathed out. "I don't wanna fuck up, and I don't think you deserve me because I'm just some... some randomer Johnny introduced you to and... and I just don't think I'm good enough, and-"

He grabbed your face and kissed you softly; your hands went to his wrists, and you kissed him back as you smiled. It was all the reassurance that you needed as you laughed softly.

"Sorry," you whispered.

He shook his head. "Was that alright?"

You nodded as you licked your lips. "It was... it was alright, yeah."

"Can I..." he paused to swallow thickly. "Can I do it again?"

You nodded, a little bit more warmed up to the idea. "Please do."

He kissed you with the same chaste softness, and when you smiled into it, so did he.

"Shall we keep walking?" He whispered. "I'll let you throw more snowballs to me - maybe I can even make them a little tougher so they won't explode against your hands?"

You laughed as you nodded eagerly. "I would like that... maybe... when we get back, can I, erm... can I share your bed? Not in that way! I just mean, you know... take a nap with you?"

Kuai Liang grinned as he linked his arm with yours and fell into step beside you. "I would appreciate the company."

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chibimui · 30 days ago

Text

The Apothecary Diaries LN3 Thoughts - Ch18-19

LN 3: Prologue-ch2 - ch3-5 - ch6-8 - ch9-11 - ch12-13 - ch14 - ch15-17

Honestly this post was basically just about chapter 19 because... well, who doesn't have a lot of thoughts about this moment? I took a pretty specific approach to talking about this chapter though because I find it interesting how much more positively people look at the events in the cave compared to the LN5 epilogue, and I kinda wanted to poke at that discrepancy a bit.

What do I mean by that? Guess you can read more to find out.

(Warning: These thoughts may contain spoilers from later light novels all the way up until LN15.)

Chapter 18 - The Hunt (Part 2)

It's kind of interesting how much this chapter insists that Shishou couldn't be involved. I do wonder if he knew about this particular incident, or not. I always assumed he did, but when I think about Shishou's motivations for doing what he did, and Jinshi actually getting killed in the process it never really adds up to me.

If I remember correctly, Shishou allowed Shenmei to do whatever she wanted because a) he was too cowardly to actually stand up to her, and b) to weed out all the bad eggs in court because he actually was still loyal to the royal family. But, if he was trying to attempt B, my question again - which I am pretty sure I brought up in the last assassination attempt - is... what would Shishou have done if these plots actually succeeded? What if Jinshi had actually died...?

I guess if Jinshi died the Emperor would have probably put in 1000% trying to find the culprit so I guess all the bad eggs in court would have been routed anyway, but... I feel like having a crown prince killed is objectively not in the best interests of a royal family that is already low on heirs. Anyway. It's all fine because Maomao saves the day.

I just want to say the Sunday GX manga with the panel of Maomao holding the gun is absolute fire and the best take to this scene by the way.

Chapter 19 - The Hunt (Part 3) 🐸

As I said in my intro, it kind of surprises me how much people are more willing to let this chapter slide as a fun joke while LN5 epilogue is so contentious. I remember when I reached this chapter the first time I was like "haha oh I get the frog jokes now" and then very quickly I was like "WAIT JINSHI STOP" because... objectively, Jinshi also assaults Maomao this chapter too? And in some ways I feel like his actions this chapter actually come off worse given where their relationship is. He's just lucky the dog stopped him.

I'm getting ahead of myself though. Rewind to the start.

First off... Jinshi performing CPR on Maomao... *smirks* (although in reality performing CPR on someone is super unsexy, LOL).

Second, I looked up what is the tallest dive someone has done because jumping 50 meters is WILD, and it's apparently 58.5m. So I guess Jinshi jumping from that height is feasible, but in reality I am 100% sure Maomao would have died. LOL.

This moment is hilarious because even though it's entirely from Maomao's POV, everyone and anyone knows that Jinshi is probably having a crisis off to the side. He is probably wondering if he actually smashed is head during the jump, died, and is now living in one of his fantasies. He is suffering.

On a more serious note - I think Jinshi's mentality here is important to consider given what is about to occur a few pages later. He's 19 (or probably 20 by this point?), yes he's taking some version of hormone blockers but I doubt they're as effective as our modern days ones. The girl he's attracted to has literally just started stripping in front of him after he nearly got killed AND he is both dehydrated and probably starving. Mentally and emotionally, this guy is probably at his limit.

This moment is so cute. One of the few rare moments we get in the early days where I think they're both just being entirely themselves--even if Maomao held back her full reaction, the fact that she still let out a small pout speaks volumes. Jinshi afterwards licking his fingers like a kid adds to this.

The words used to describes Maomao's feelings in this moment in Japanese are 恐る恐る (osoruosoru), which is an adverb to describe a nervous/timid action that occurs as a result of feeling fearful.

I highlight this because for me personally when I read this chapter in English, Maomao being afraid, at this point, didn't really register. The word "uneasy" to me feels more like someone is worried about an external situation, but not necessarily fearful of personal danger. She does panic more later, but I think reading the Japanese it really struck me that actually Maomao was probably low-key panicking right from the very beginning (whether she even realizes it herself or not).

This is also the first instance in this chapter where Maomao expresses not wanting to get dragged into things, although she does acknowledging bringing a bit of this onto herself. The highlighted part by the way is a mistranslation - in the Japanese text Maomao notes that she was the one that brought Jinshi further into the woods which results in him becoming an easier target (i.e. she is at fault).

This is another moment where the Japanese really creates a different vibe compared to the English. The way it was structured, it really felt like I was reading directly into Maomao's thoughts as she slowly became aware of what just happened and who saved her fall.

It also made me realize... I consider the end of LN4 as the first moment Maomao connects Jinshi to safety, but I think this is actually the first real moment where Jinshi saves Maomao from harm (I don't count him jumping off the cliff because that was just as much for himself). On one hand you can read her increased heart rate as just due to falling and the proximity, but in Japanese the first phrase you read is actually "There was no pain".

It's very direct and to the point. In Japanese, the line to indicate Jinshi's silence is just "..........". The lack of pain is truly the first thought Maomao has, and then the feel of warm skin underneath her, the arms around her and the word used in Japanese to describe the hold is ぎゅっと (gyutto). Jinshi isn't just holding her closely, but tightly. The way Jinshi caught Maomao in this moment is the epitome of safety--to not have to experience pain, to be held close, to feel warmth--whether Maomao reflects on it or not, I think this moment left a pretty deep impression on her.

And then... well, Maomao gets a fistful of.... 🐸 and Jinshi gets a teaser of what may come in a future where they get married. LOL.

Maomao is panicking (for multiple reasons, one because of massive embarrassment and two because she just learned a secret she really doesn't want to know!!!)

The focus on how muscular Jinshi's body is in this particular moment is... a choice. It's almost like Maomao is completely re-assessing and fully registering the concept of Jinshi as a man. A male person. I won't go so far as to say it's a sexual awakening for Maomao, but it's certainly a huge restructuring in her assessment of him as someone she could be attracted to.

So... remember how back in ch4 I mentioned there is a particular pattern Jinshi and Maomao follow when they fight? Here it is again, simplified if you need a quick reminder:

Jinshi wants something, Maomao refuses.

Jinshi acts put out.

Maomao doubling down on her decision and nitpicking at his disappointment.

Jinshi getting back at her by being a petty little shit and getting what he wants anyway.

Here are steps 1-3. Jinshi wants something, Maomao refuses, Jinshi is clearly put out/angry/upset/hurt, Maomao ignores it, and then doubles down (again, because in this case she is panicking). Jinshi, who is not one to back down, goes for a round 2.

Maomao, of course, doesn't back down an inch either. In fact, for most of this fight Maomao definitely has the upper hand - she is beating Jinshi's ego down hard, and what does she do when she realizes her hits are landing? SHE GETS CLOSER INTO HIS FACE. The nitpicks, she pokes, she pushes even more because they're children and this is a childish fight. It's literally "EW BOYS ARE GROSS, THEY'RE SLIMY" and "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M SLIMY?!?!"

And it really shows how far their relationship has come. The whole time she's been nervous about getting dragged into his mess, questioning "Just how important IS HE" and wanting to protect herself from it all.... and now here she is, sitting on his lap, getting in to his face to insult his pride---all her self preservation instincts gone out the window.

Unfortunately for Maomao, when Jinshi can't win fights with words (which he typically can't because Maomao really knows how to hit where it hurts), he tends to resort to direct action to get what he wants, completing "step 4" of the process.

Now, I don't personally actually care whether people consider what Jinshi does assault, but I feel if someone is going to be grasping their pearls at the LN5 epilogue, I genuinely think what he does here (highlighted part) is basically on the same level. What he's doing here is overtly sexual, it's meant to be dominating, to put Maomao in a very compromising position. He does it purposely to get a reaction out of her, and she is clearly freaking the fuck out given the physical reaction that is described (goosebumps and sweating).

I don't think Maomao is scared of Jinshi necessarily in this moment, but she is scared of what Jinshi might do. Remember the pattern. Maomao realizes we have reached step 4 - the part where Jinshi takes her cup of tea anyway, the part where Jinshi gets what he wants anyway.

To be fair to Jinshi though, I do not think he was really going to do anything that terrible - at most it seems like he was trying to go in for a kiss by the end. I think he pauses whatever he was initially going to do because he notices Maomao freaking out. Unfortunately, I also think his horny brain was still a bit too active mixed in with his desire to "win" this dumb fight. I also feel like, just as Maomao is registering Jinshi as an actual attractive male, this is also probably the moment Jinshi really registers for himself that he is attracted to Maomao, that he wants her. For Jinshi, I think there is an element of a sexual awakening happening here.

Does he even remember that he hasn't actually told her his real identity? I don't know, but I feel like he's so caught up in the emotion of... basically all his pent up feelings, the stress of the day, that by this point that he is just acting on impulse. He likes Maomao, he's attracted to her, he's in a position where he can "win", and he's going to go for it.

Except he doesn't because a good doggie saves the day.

I suspect partly why people seem more okay with the events in the cave is because we get more of Maomao's perspective immediately after the fact. It's pretty clear she doesn't blame Jinshi, and she also acknowledges her role in escalating things as we see in this bit at the very end:

(we see you calling it a "fine" frog Maomao, we see you).

So--all in all, what is my conclusion of this chapter after all my rambling?

Again to me, I don't really care to label what Jinshi does because these are fictional characters doing fictional things in a fictional world--that's up for you to decide, but I do think that the double standard between this chapter and LN5 epilogue is... somewhat odd given the circumstances of both.

Jinshi may be a bit more physically violent in LN5, but I think why I feel an argument exists that this chapter is just as bad (if not worse) is because Maomao is actually scared throughout the events of this chapter. Jinshi's actions might not be as bad on paper, but Maomao's emotions are much more negative. She is panicking, she doesn't want to know who Jinshi is, she's scared of what he might do to her. I also think this is why Jinshi manages to restrains himself in a way he doesn't do in LN5--because Maomao isn't actually scared of him at all in LN5, they are just mad at each other.

In this chapter, I think Maomao is scared and Jinshi is confused, frustrated and hurt. They are both kind of low-key realizing there is a physical attraction in their relationship and neither of them know what to do about it, which results in them fighting like literal 10 year olds screaming about cooties.

My real real thoughts? Despite how seriously I talked about this chapter, I actually find this chapter so unserious. It's so silly, and for the most part I just find it hilarious. I love how Natsu-sensei basically takes what could have been a typical romantic relationship development scene and flips it on it's head because Maomao is so unromantic she's just like *strips* "sorry I'm not sexy enough" and then when she gets a handful of Jinshi she's just like "OMG GROSS WTF GROSS GET THIS OFF ME WTFFFFF" (Which, yeah, that is gross.) and Jinshi is understandably SO OFFENDED.

So that's that!

Anyway, I'm ending it here for today because if I add in the epilogue and my final thoughts this post will get too long. We're almost done LN3 though folks!!

[epilogue + final thoughts]

#the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #chibi reads knh #I am both very excited but also worried about how ch19 will be perceived in the anime #I hope they do just lean into the hilarity of the argument so the jinshi haters won't have as much fodder

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gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan · 7 months ago

Text

Seeming

Author's Note: More of Claude in Living Waters AU.

Summary: Claude talks to his fellow Primaris Marines about him knowing his gene-line heritage. It goes better than he'd worried it would.

Warnings: Painful conversations. Let me know if I need to update this.

Past =-= Next

Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams,

Tagged continued: @sleepyfan-blog, @whorety-k, @ms--lobotomy @bispecsual @thevoidscreams

Tagged continued: @i-am-a-dragon34, @gra93fruit-blog

"Thank you for meeting with me," Claude starts, and pauses.

The conversation that he had with mama Lenora helping to bolster his confidence. Also, that Cedric is already in the know about the secret that he's been keeping from the rest of the squad also helps.

He had warned Cedric that he was going to try to tell the rest of the squad today that he knows his chimeric gene-seed and what it is fully.

As well as show them what it is. Cedric had given him a soft look, full of tenderness and had merely asked if he was sure if that was what he wanted to do.

He'd taken a deep, sharp breath, but nodded. He wanted to tell them, better to let them know the truth from his lips, rather than find out through some way that could end up having it be a nasty shock that could make a potential fraught situation worse.

"You wanted to talk to us about something?" Ramiel says, noticing the nervous way Claude was shifting.

"Ah- yes," Claude says, "So- we've had conversations about how we wonder about what our gene-lines are, yeah?"

"Yes," Ramiel and the others say, nodding or humming in agreement.

"And how Jophi knows his other part of his gene-line because Erriox told him, yeah?" Claude continues.

"Yeah?" Jophiel says, "where are you going with this Claude?"

"Well I," Claude says squirming a little, "I do have Raven guard gene-seed, but that's not all I have. I... know what the other two parts of my gene-line are."

"Oh? Did an older brother-cousin tell you?" Catius asks, tilting his head a little, curious.

"No- I figured it out myself, after... soon after I arrived on Ancient Terra," Claude replies, licking his lips a little, as his eyes dart around as he looks from brother to brother. "So- it's easier to show you, and please believe me, I am still me."

"Show us?" Ramiel repeats tilting his head a little.

Claude nods and closes his eyes for a moment and then, relaxes, undoing the illusion-shape shift thing. And his tail splits into tentacles, the black and grey of the raven guard getting silver and teal spots, with strips of navy blue. His hands gaining jagged claws and his eyes open, teal on black sclera.

"I have Raven Guard, Night Lord, and Alpha Legion gene-seed," Claude says, his voice is different, slightly lower, and oddly lyrical.

"Huh," Jophiel says tilting his head a little.

A look of comprehension flashing across Ramiel's face, "You avoid and evade the squad of Alpha legionaries courting Miss Lana- because they'd be able to figure out the Alpha legion in you."

"Yes and I... worry about what they might do, if they find out that I am... could technically be considered an Alpha Legion Scout." Claude says with a grimace.

"You are still you," Catius says, after a few moments of quiet, "Thank you for trusting us with yourself."

Claude gives them a watery smile, "thanks for reacting so well to this."

Jophiel swims forward and gives him a hug, "it must have been scary, to hide this, and to decide to tell us. Thanks for trusting us Claude."

"It was, to both," Claude admits, feeling a great weight come off his chest.

The rest of the squad coming over to give him a hug. Once they let go, Ramiel turns to Cedric, a keen look in his eyes, "Cedric- you don't seem surprised. Did you know already?"

"Yes- I found out one time when Claude was badly injured and couldn't hold the shifted form up," Cedric says. "Apothecary's Oath- I couldn't say anything."

"Understandable, but I'm glad that he had someone who knew, that he could confide in." Ramiel says, trying to explain that he wasn't upset that Cedric kept the secret, merely glad that someone knew.

#warhammer 40k #space marine husbandry sentience #space marine husbandry #adeptus astartes #warhammer #mermay #mermay 2024 #mermay 40k #Living Waters AU #oc: Claude #oc: Cedric #oc: catius #oc: Jophiel #oc: Ramiel #black templar #blood angel #alpha legion #night lord #raven guard

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welkinsky · 2 years ago

Note

hey i saw that you write for bleach so i’m sending a couple of requests if that’s alright!

could do you write any hcs of what dating ichigo and renji would look like? tyyy

Bleach Boys X Reader | How It Is Like To Date Them

A/N: Lemme know if you want to see this for some other character from some any anime you want, if I've seen it then I'd love to write about them <;3 Have a beautiful day <3

Ichigo

First of all, let's get this thing very clear he was not the one who asked for a date. Even though he was the one to fall first but he didn't have the guts or enough knowledge on how to take these feelings forward.

The poor guy used to drop hints left and right and you used to wait for him to make a move but HE WAS SCARED.

At first, you were annoyed thinking he was giving you mixed signals because HONEY we do not do mixed signals in 2023 anymore. (Like, quite literally boo you deserve better <3)

You were about to give up on him when you overheard him talking to Chad who was even denser and was so confused as to why Ichigo won't tell you his feelings.

So you decided to go for it and the guy had the AUDACITY to act as if he had no interest at all, it was playful teasing of course.

But dating him at times might feel like dating a wall. He is so DENSE at times that you question your decision to ever even think about going out with him.

But this was his first time so he was learning things too and let me tell you he never makes the same mistake again and mentions something that he has no clue about, the next day he'll be an expert in it. He wants you to know that he is trying his best!

His love language is physical touch and the act of service and most of the time he does it subtly in public but when you two are alone, YOU ARE HIS QUEEN. Would do quite literally anything you ask him to do.

Is very protective of you because ever since the word got out that you two are dating you were in danger. So at all times, you have to pick up your phone and wear the charm that he got made just for you to keep any negative aura away from you and to be able to track you, just in case anything happens.

Renji

You two met in the human realm when he was taking a walk with Rukia. He never really pays much attention to humans but as soon as his eyes landed on you man oh man he was stuck.

Like, quite literally didn't move for a couple of seconds. He didn't want to lose even a second of a chance to not look at you.

Lucky for him you went to the same school as Ichigo. After seeing you that day he was stuck on you, he didn't tell anyone but you didn't leave his mind even for a second and zoned out quite a lot and one day they all were chilling on the rooftop of the school when you walked in.

His eyes couldn't believe you and it was very obvious that he was awestruck because of the fact that he forgot to even close his mouth. Everyone was shocked and amused at the same time heh.

He pushed Ichigo away from his way and before he can even think about it he was asking you out. As he got closer, his sense of the outer world completely faded as if he was in a trance or something.

Everyone still makes fun of him till day to act like that and he always replies with, "And I had a very clear reason?"

He is someone who will not show his affection publicly but will not back down if someone has an eye on you. yea he is the jealous type but is weirdly secure in himself at the same time. He just likes to test the other person I guess. But if that makes you uncomfortable then one word and he'll stop.

Just like Ichigo, he also worries about your safety a lot. Because he holds a high position in the 13 court guard squads he has to be careful when it comes to you. At first, he used to hide some talisman in your bag all the time to make sure you were safe but when things got serious he told you the entire situation and advised you to do exactly as he says.

Might as well keep one of his men to safeguard you while things get worse if you're a human. If you have powers then he'll make sure to train you as much as possible because he trusts in you and your intuitive ability to judge the situation and fight.

_____________________________

Thanks For Reading and for the ask!

If you liked it you can check out the masterlist too!

A-Z Headcanon

#ichigo x y/n #ichigo x you #ichigo x reader #ichigo fanfiction #ichigo fanfic #ichigo hcs #ichigo imagines #ichigo kurosaki #renji fanfic #renji #renji x you #renji x reader #bleach renji #renji abarai #bleach x y/n #bleach x reader #bleach x you

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echantedtoon · 1 year ago

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Charlastor Week Day 5

Day 5 (3-5): Date

What does one get for someone they like? And then what would you do if she had something you already got her? Yeah. Teddy bears were something she had a lot of and honestly she deserved better than that. So really what could he give her? Something that couldn't be found in hell. Something that wasn't easy to get. Something rare.

Flowers!

Ladies loved flowers. They're colorful, alive, and smell nice. A great change up from the usual gloom n doom around here. The only plants that grew down there were the venus fly traps that grew in Mr. Baxter's labotory, and those weren't as lovely or enjoyable as flowers. Of course, the surface world was forbidden to demons so he had to pull some strings. And waited for a couple days before finally being able to get what he needed. And they were better than he could imagine. Honestly they were more smelling and brightly colored than the pictures he's seen or the rose perfume Angel insists on wearing, but his crush was a girl. So she should like these, right?

His footsteps and heartbeats were the only things that rung in his head right now as he stepped closer towards the room she resided in. A million thoughts and worst case scenarios played through his head at light speed. What if she didn't like them? What if they were too brightly colored? An eye sore. Maybe she wouldn't like the smell. Many demons didn't like the things that reminded them of life on the surface, he didn't know if she would be the same. She did visit a giant rose garden with him not too long ago.....SH*T! What if he got the wrong kind of flowers?! He didn't even ask if she had a pollen allergy. He heard about this but never witnessed it. Too late now though. Each step brought them closer and closer to the room and every step felt like his legs were wobbly and it was getting hard to breath. His nose felt like it was full of this sickening sweet smell and his lungs were burning with the sensation. Too soon he found himself in front of the forbidden door.

Hand raising shakily to hover above the door. The burning hot sensation in the back of his throat getting worse by the second. Weakly he moved his hand to make the slightest tapping sound against the wood-

"Just a minute," a voice called making him jump, "I'll be right there!"

The sweet voice set the blazing feeling further as it pooled up his spine and into the back of his throat. Hopefully his voice wouldn't sound too static-y.

Too soon the door opened and the princess stepped out, happy and then confused to the sight of beautiful brightly colored flowers inches away from her face. Thank goodness he had so many years of practice keeping such a calm composure and smile on his red features, he held them out to her and she silently but confusedly accepted them from him. Well, now was the moment. Just be your usually self old boy! Chin up!

"You're probably wondering why I've come here at your doorstep with such a meaningful gift!" She blinked back up to him with those wide doe eyes of hers. How perfect. "You see my dear. Not many catch my eye and not more so my heart that barely beats! So rather than ignore the pesky thing, I've decided the best course of action was deal with the problem and court you myself! Aren't you a lucky one!"

She stared there flabbergasted. Probably not sure what to say about the whole situation besides to blink and stare still holding the flowers.

And so he made his move. "How about you and me take a trip to a picture show first thing tomorrow? I have heard many things about this Bate's Motel they're showing. Perhaps it'll help with ideas for our own fine establishment. Whaddya say?"

In her still blank state she could only mutter out, "....ok??"

"SPLENDID!! Now off to bed you. And be up and ready with the clock strikes! We have big things ahead of us now! Big, big, big!!"

Without another word, he spun on his heel and walked away down the hall, leaving a very confused princess indeed.

#hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel #charlastorweek2020 #charlastor #charlastorweek #charlie x alastor #alastor x charlie #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie

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shi-daisy · 1 year ago

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Together we Rest

Eris Week let's gooooo!!!! I feel do bad I couldn't do more during Neris week and considering WaveWave Week is around the corner I have my hands full but still I needed show love to the prettiest redhead around and his brothers (SJM name em!) So here we have some brotherly fluff taking place in my fanfic AU (This is a self ad, go read A Court of Threads & Daisies)

@erisweek2023

Eris Week- Day 1- Family

Together we Rest

First he slept alone whenever possible on cold sheets and blocking the yelling and pleading. Eris wasn't fond of hearing his parents arguing but ever since he was a young child he'd grown accustomed to that noise. It quickly became background noise.

Then they had Nemesis. And if he thought being the only heir was bad he hated having his precarious position be dangled over his and his brother's head constantly by Beron was not helping.

For a time he hated his sibling. Always loud, crying, losing his mind, it was too much to deal with, and their family situation didn't help the matters. Until one night the fighting began again and Eris just started at the ceiling as he lay in bed.

"Eris, can I stay with you?"

He looked so small and pale, like a tangle of fire orange curls with tiny legs and blood red eyes. Even at his worse he couldn't deny the young boy's request. So he made room in the bed and let Nemesis climb in, the boy shivered even as he slept, but Eris held him close and they both finally rested.

Then came Gideon, larger than then both and with a hellish temper, yet when night came and no once could sleep he'd let his younger brothers join him and they all cuddled close together. It was the only time he could recall seeing Gideon smile, that was his only happy memory of the third prince that had been gone for a while now. He liked to think that perhaps in death he smiled more.

The situation repeated with the brunette and amber eyed twins, Tybalt and Arryn who wore the same face yet were two sides of the same coin. One would grow in to a quiet archer that wanted nothing more than to be a tailor. The other wanted to sail the seas, amd ironically met his end in Spring, the only foreign land he visited in life. Maybe he sailed a galleon in death, at least that's what Eris hoped. The twins had been the quietest of them all, and sleep motionless most nights, though he did remember feeling Tybalt holding his hand subconsciously in slumber when noise got louder and their mother's voice caused the tailor to wince in pain.

Cedric was the sixth. A silent prodigy alchemist content to be ignored by the world and ignore it right back as he toiled away in his lab. The redhead should've been born in a lab coat with thick glasses because since he could speak and walked that is all he wore and became. Yet even for his disgust toward physical contact he'd joined them in their makeshift pile to protect himself from their reality. Often times he'd wake up first and bring them food before Beron ever knew where they all truly slept and how Eris was the one giving them what he never could.

Finally there was Lucien. He and Nemesis knew full well that they were half brothers only. That this child who unlike any of them had received the grace and protection of their mother, was the only one of them fathered by the man she truly loved. Nemesis had resented him for it, at least for a time before the resentment was directed at Lady Imogen. Eris never could, even if he acted cold and uncaring, he knew that the poor baby boy would suffer more than rest of them. Beron would make sure of that.

The screaming started and they all came in order. Nemesis, Gideon, Tybalt, Arryn and Cedric, but now the line didn't end with Cedric and he could hear the scared wails of a baby in the next room.

Eris didn't listen to protests as he walked out, picked up baby Lucien and went back to his room. Just by placing his head on his chest, Lucien stoped crying, looking up at his eldest brother and cooing.

"No! You can't be serious! He shouldn't get to stay!" Gideon protested loudly, almost causing Lucien to start crying again.

"Like it or not, he stays. He's stuck in this family with us, he deserves peace too."

Nemesis rolled his eyes. "I'm fine with having him here but if he needs a diaper change either you or Cedric do it!"

The scientist scoffed. "Why me?!"

"You mix weird shit in the lab how's baby crap any worse?"

"Fuck you."

They all started laughing as they settled in. Eris was careful to keep Lucien steady and secure upon his chest. He'd have to sleep as still as the twins, but it didn't matter if him and all his brothers were safe.

Hearing baby Lucien coo in his sleep was all the confirmation he needed to drift away himself.

***

Time and growing older kept them from continuing this ritual as a sort of comfort. Then Jesminda died, and then Arryn and Gideon died, Lucien renounced them so harshly he'd only seen the man on a handful of occasions until the war settled and the connected again. They all had brushes with death, heartbreak, and were still dealing with Beron's looming threats.

Eris put on two candles in front of his fallen brother's portraits. He'd let then burn until morning, hoping that today on the anniversary of their death they'd be safe wherever they were, be it the afterlife or reincarnated.

"Hurry up, I'm sleepy."

He nearly jumped when Nemesis yawned as he wacked the door open. Even after all these years he kept the messy hair and had dark circles under his red eyes. Cedric followed, chosing to keep his long orange hair in a pony tail and his glasses by the nightstand. Finally Tybalt came in, and bowed before the portraits rather than settle in the bed inmediatly.

"I hate that there's less of us, and that we're missing Lucien." Tybalt commented

"Bitch baby is fine, he's with Tamlin you don't need to worry, Ty." Nemesis told him as he turned to his side and got ready to sleep.

"Don't call our brother that. Just because he's well does not mean we shouldn't miss him. At least now we don't have to worry about the noise waking him." Cedric chastaised.

Yes the noise. Noise that ceased as Beron was now in a comatose state and Imogen resided in the Day Court with Helion. There was no reason for them to keep sleeping in a pile desperately trying to keep away their shared nightmare.

Or maybe there was, as even if they were adults freed from Beron's shackles, albeit temporarily, they were the only ones who understood full well what that hell was like. No one else would ever know why they sometimes woke in the middle of the night crying and waiting for the others to provide a comforting hug, even if by morning it would all be forgotten and they had to resume their competition for their father's worthless favor.

Eris settled in again, hugging Nemesis, taking Tybalt's hand and making sure Cedric was comfortable in his far off corner of the gigantic bed.

"Good Night." He said, and they all answered.

He drifted off thinking about Lucien and hoping he too was sleeping well. For all the animosity and fights and even blood between them all, Eris had concluded that more than their parents or their distant cousins, his four remaining siblings were more of a family than anyone else. And come what may during the looming war, he wouldn't dare lose a single one of them again.

#Eris Week 2023 #eris vanserra #lucien vanserra #Nemesis Vanserra #Tybalt Vanserra #cedric vanserra #imogen vanserra #beron vanserra #implied tamcien #day 1: family

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duhdumb89 · 1 year ago

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A Forbidden Happiness | Chapter 3

On such a warm summer's day, the thing to do was gather in Shen huang gui fei's palace and take advantage of the cool air tossed around by her ice boxes. Jiang gui ren had been in a foul mood for some months after hearing that a prostitute would be sharing Xianfugong with her. Since Mu pin's death Jiang gui ren had enjoyed being the palace's unofficial master, but now she would have to walk through the same gates as a woman who would sully everything she touched.

Jiang gui ren had expected that a new woman had caught His Majesty's eye, but she never expected something like this. Jiang gui ren entered the palace eight years ago but it was only the last three that truly mattered. It took most of year for the Emperor to even remember she existed but thanks to the grace of huang gui fei, she not only managed to capture his attentions, but fall pregnant from them.

No matter what anyone said, she could tell that His Majesty truly loved her. The only reason she hadn't been promoted was because of politics. He gave her too many liberties for it not to be so. She was sure if The Emperor had his way, everyone would be calling her Jiang fei.

It was one thing for The Empress to not hear her pleas, but The Emperor even scolded her for trying to get her father to beg on her behalf. Only Shen jiejie* understood her plight. It was nice to be surrounded by her lavish decor and look at her sweet smiling face. The other wives said her face was too thin and bird-like but Jiang gui ren found it to be elegant.

"What an awful situation you've been thrown into meimei†" she said, "I tried to talk to His Majesty about this but, it seems there's no changing his mind,"

Jiang gui ren huffed, "I don't know why His Majesty is treating me like this. How can he expect my father to hold his head up in court when his daughter is living with a prostitute? I can't stand it!"

"The Emperor probably knows you'll be able to keep that girl line. I can't imagine what sort of filthy personality she'll have,"

"Girl? What girl?" Jiang gui ren spat, "She's almost 40!"

A nearby maid, startled by Jiang gui ren's sudden screech, flinched and let the platter of mandarins she was holding tip over onto the floor. At once, she fell to the ground.

"This servant is stupid! Please forgive me!" She said, pressing her head to the carpet.

With a sneer, Jiang gui ren said, "Forgive you? After you've dirtied Her Highness' food? Now it's only fit to be fed to the pigs!"

"Please forgive me! Please forgive me!" The maid repeated.

"Hmph. I suppose Shen huang gui fei would forgive you if forfeit one year's salary to replace it,"

"But it surely couldn't cost so much!" Said the maid.

Jiang gui ren walked over and ground the edge of her silk embroidered flower pot shoe into the maid's palm.

"What right do you have to reason with me?" said Jiang gui ren over the pained cries of the maid.

Giving her foot a sharp twist, Jiang gui ren sat back down.

"Jiejie, I think you should get rid of this maid. She's obviously no good," she lifted up her now bloody shoe, "Look how she dirtied my things,"

Shen huang gui fei, who had watched the entire scene in silence, called her senior eunuch.

"Take her to the Office of Careful Punishment for 10 strikes. Then send her to work in the ice house,"

"Mistress!" The maid called as Shen huang gui fei's other eunuch's snatched her up, "Please, I've served you for three years and never made a mistake! Please forgive this servant!"

Squinting her eyes, Shen huang gui fei took a good look at the maid before shaking her head, "I can't seem to place your face. You've offended my meimei, I'd rather you not stay,"

The eunuchs dragged the sobbing maid away as the other servants who lined Shen huang gui fei's room looked on in mute horror.

"My day is just getting worse and worse!" Said Jiang gui ren, "This prostitute must be a bad omen,"

Shen huang gui fei sighed, "No bad omen could seduce His Majesty well enough to be called a Noble Lady. Your poor father toiled so hard for you and it still wasn't enough. Only little Huaguang brought about your promotion. Thinking about your labor even now," she pressed a hand to her chest, "I'm chilled,"

Jiang gui ren nodded, her labor had indeed been disastrous. At 23 years old giving birth should've been easy but for some reason it had taken two days for Huaguang to be born. Her bed had been so wet with blood that a new frame had to be brought in. The imperial physicians said that she had recovered completely since then but she hadn't become pregnant again.

"Moving forward it would best if we played nice with her. We shouldn't give His Majesty a reason to find error with us,"

"Your Highness," a maid interrupted, "Lian pin, An gui ren, and, Cha chang zai are here,"

"What a party," Shen huang gui fei said, "Bring them in,"

Lian pin headed up the pack so unfortunately Jiang gui ren had to stand and greet her.

"Wishing huang gui fei peace,"

"Rise. Sit, sit. The three of you don't usually keep company, why are you so suddenly joining forces?"

"Shen jiejie, I'm very sorry to intrude on you like this but Cha cháng zài and An gui ren have some very important news to tell you,"

"Oh? Meimei, what is it?"

Cha cháng zài wiped at her brow with her handkerchief before twisting it in her hands, "Well, I received a letter from my mother and, well-"

"Her mother was begging her to get the Emperor's favor so he doesn't do something disgraceful like house her with a prostitute or some other lowly kind of woman," Lian pin said, with a great smile on her face.

"In fact, a lot of the clans have been sending messages like these, right An meimei?"

An gui ren looked pained at having to step on Jiang gui ren in this moment, "Yes, but my mother just worries a lot!"

Jiang gui ren was burning with anger. The entire world was laughing at her because of this. She wouldn't stand for it any longer!

"I won't take this any more! That-that bitch is dragging my name through the mud! His Majesty can't treat me like this, I'm the mother of his most auspicious child. I'm going back to beg him,"

"Jiang meimei, you are so eager to be scolded again. You should know that Huaguang won't protect you forever. Why waste your time?" said Lian pin.

"Yes, jiejie, think of fifth princess. She's only two. What will do if His Majesty thinks you're too inappropriate to raise her?"

"That's enough," said Shen huang gui fei, "You all may go,"

Lian pin looked like she had more to say but didn't dare disobey. Cha chang zai and An gui ren followed after her.

Jiang gui ren deflated and slumped back into her seat. There was truly nothing she could do.

"Do you remember how furious The Empress Dowager was when the rumors about His Majesty's affair with a prostitute began?" Asked Shen huang gui fei.

"Of course," said Jiang gui ren, "She was on a rampage. Then His Majesty admitted to it and she became so sick that the Imperial Hospital had to watch over her day and night,"

"His Majesty and The Empress Dowager haven't been able to see eye-to-eye for some time. I think if you lend yourself to her, she can help you get rid of this woman,"

Jiang gui ren bit her lip, "Would she help me? She doesn't remember me often,"

It was true. The only time Jiang gui ren and The Empress Dowager interacted outside of events and ceremonies was when she visited Huaguang. They were no where near close.

"Come, we'll greet her together," said Shen huang gui fei as she stood, "Take this chance to make yourself memorable,"

––

"This concubine wishes The Empress Dowager peace,"

The Empress Dowager was sitting in her divan at the head of the receiving hall. The former Mongolian princess cut an imposing figure. Almost 70, The Empress Dowager had gotten fat in her later years of luxury. Bolts of gleaming golden embroidered fabric covered her body, not at all overshadowing the massive liangbatou†† covered in fresh flowers atop her head. The Empress Dowager peered down at them from her divan. Her ears sagged from the weight of gold and pearl earrings and when she shifted, her golden bangles crashed together.

Truly, only she was worthy of residing in Cininggong§.

"Rise," she said.

Shen huang gui fei took a seat, but Jiang gui ren continued to kneel.

"So you came here to ignore me instead of greet me?" The Empress Dowager said.

"I would not dare!" Jiang gui ren eyes flicked to Shen huang gui fei and then back to The Empress Dowager.

"I've come here to pledge myself to you, Your Highness,"

"Is that so?"

"I-I know that these years, I've been neglecting you and I want to make up for it going forward. I will die to protect you!"

"Protect me or yourself?" Replied The Empress Dowager, "Jiang gui ren, His Majesty may enjoy this cute act you put on but I can barely tolerate it. Say what you mean to say. Quickly,"

Jiang gui ren bit her lip, "Your Highness I know that you are rightfully upset that a prostitute is being brought here to walk the same steps as you and so am I! The Emperor is disregarding me and Huaguang by putting her in my palace. He's become muddled from her seduction. Because of this my clan is a laughing stock in and out of these walls. I beg you to speak to the Emperor on my behalf and ask him not to make such abusive decisions because of an uncouth vixen!"

Shen huang gui fei let out a quiet sigh.

"Jiang gui ren, you're too bold," snapped Jerjer, "What same steps? You're not even worthy to hold the soles of The Empress Dowager's feet. You claim to know His Majesty's thoughts, ah? But you're kneeling here, throwing a tantrum and fouling up Cininggong?"

The Empress Dowager held up a hand and Jerjer quieted.

"Do you know why His Majesty placed that woman with you?"

Jiang gui ren shook her head.

"Above you are women with powerful families. Below you, women who know their place and serve him well. You speak so often about your auspicious child. Two years ago you bore Huaguang and stopped the floods in the South. What have you done since then, huh? The other wives here would've taken that bit of fate and been called 'fei' already and yet here you still are, a gui ren. Why would I help you? What could you possibly do for me?"

"I...I," tears rolled down Jiang gui ren's face as she struggled to come up with a response.

"Jiang gui ren is tired. She will rest at her palace," ordered Jerjer.

Susu, Jiang gui ren's dowry maid, rushed to help her mistress off the floor.

"I'll take my leave," she whispered before backing away.

Shen huang gui fei pursed her lips. She had given Jiang gui ren one task and the stupid girl couldn't even do that well. The Empress Dowager didn't look pleased either. Shen huang gui fei stood and began to massage the older woman's shoulders, hoping to appease her anger somewhat.

The Empress Dowager shifted away.

"Your highness-"

"It's obvious that I've displeased you huang gui fei," said The Empress Dowager.

With a smile, Shen huang gui fei moved to restart her massage, "Empress Dowager must be joking. When you move the world moves with you. If there are any mistakes, they are this concubine's fault and she will take punishment for it,"

"So, I would be correct to remind you of your recent failures then?"

It was clear that The Empress Dowager was in no mood to coddled. Shen huang gui fei kowtowed to her.

"This concubine is stupid. She deserves to die!"

"Aren't you too old for all that whining? Get up, get up,"

The Empress Dowager took the cup of tea Jerjer served and sipped.

"The Empress continues to run wild and oppose me. The ministers come to greet me less and less. His Majesty hasn't taken a single Mongolian concubine in the last two selections. Not one single woman here can relay my worries to His Majesty and the ones outside the palace have shown no promise," she pursed her lips and threw the teacup aside, "I might as well roll over and let her kill me now!"

The mention of The Empress infuriated Shen huang gui fei. During their days together in the Old Manor, she believed that The Empress was everything the royal edict claimed she was.

Diligent, gentle, virtuous.

It was only after The Emperor's coronation that the veneer was wiped away. All the pain and suffering Shen huang gui fei endured, The Empress orchestrated it all and only The Empress Dowager saw the truth. The Empress strove to eliminate any source of competition in The Forbidden City but The Empress Dowager refused to go down without a fight.

"Empress Dowager, you can't! The Empress isn't worthy to even gaze at you," said Shen huang gui fei.

"Yes," begged Jerjer, "Please calm down,"

Shen huang gui fei finally voiced the topic that had been fluttering in her head since the announcement of The Emperor's newest woman.

"What if...what if we made use of His Majesty's prostitute?"

The Empress Dowager's face contorted into a look of pure rage.

"Get out!"

"Empress Dowager-"

"Huang gui fei, it's very rare that you need to hear orders twice," said Jerjer.

Pressing her lips together, she bowed and backed out of the room.

______ *Older sister. Doesn't always mean blood relation, could also mean a close female friend or someone who is close to you but of higher status or older †Little sister. Doesn't always mean blood relation, could also mean a close female friend or someone who is close to you but of lower status or younger ††Manchu headdress/hairstyle that features two handfuls of hair, parted to each side of the head, sometimes with the addition of wire frames, extensions and ornamentation §Palace of Compassion and Longevity

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