#not stress. stress and contour and going all out to create the illusion that my face is what i need it to be.

[coloursofaparadox]

hey this is a real fuckin good video and i was surprised at how much i related to it the other way around. like. an INSANE amount. more shit under the cut bc makeup and gender are two things I always love talking about

i used to do like. FULL makeup. almost every day once i knew how to. especially since i worked full time w lots of people. including contour. because i felt like VIOLENTLY uncomfortable most of the time w my face shape if i didnt. and honestly the biggest thing i did w makeup everyday was contour? and let me fucking tell u its not an easy halfassed ‘throw on some blush and go’ thing contour is actually difficult and time consuming and takes effort and skill and my fucking god is it exhausting to feel like your choice is to contour or to go outside without it and look like a cis female. the list of things of i used to contour is like nearly everything like in order from most important to least: jawline (HUGE amount), cheekbones, brow, nose, and sometimes forehead. and im so fuckin glad t does as much as it does for face shape. so glad. its not even something i knew i wanted because id convinced myself i could do it all with makeup so it was fine. and like. to an extent thats okay? but same as how she talks about in the video i linked its absolutely exhausting to have to do that just to make your face look like it should every day. and thats not a vanity thing!! theres some shit i do for vanity like eye makeup? and colourful things? but the majority of stuff i used makeup for was for trying to contour my face to relieve dysphoria. and. for someone who honestly? has historically loved the beauty in looking natural as much as possible for so long (no bashing to makeup i fuckin love makeup for self expression and colour) it was. something to adjust to. my investment in makeup over time was an almost direct correlation with my awareness of dysphoria. 

and now that ive been on t for over a year? its still slow going bc i was on a very low dose for a while by choice but its been long enough that without me really noticing until i look back and compare, my face looks so different. so much better. still me, obviously, but the me i was constantly trying to recreate by force with makeup before. and now i dont have to. the only thing i still do noticeably to make myself look more masc is my eyebrows? i always notice that i look significantly more masc if i fill in/darken my eyebrows but thats also something i just do anyways by choice bc i fucking L O V E it so who knows.

the one struggle im still having is tbfh i would prefer to...not wear full coverage foundation/skin coverage. like. if i had the choice i would almost always choose natural skin. it feels so much better to me. but. with testosterone for a lot of people comes skin problems. and im getting them under control very slowly but there is a big big difference between ‘a little and manageable amount of acne’ and ‘no acne’ so. im still wearing foundation. every day. but. ive been making efforts to go for a ‘less is more’ approach. so i only do just enough concealer and foundation on the bits that i need it. which is usually just around my chin and mouth area now? and minor enough that i dont even need that much. and am finding ways to use even less as my skin gets better and better. and on rare days when my skin is behaving and i can wear next to nothing it is s o  g o o d. im looking forward to when i can do that more often.

so. ye. idk. point of this is that i relate a lot more than i thought to that video even tho i didnt get surgery? bc quite often t does a lot more for ur face shape than e does i believe post puberty. since ive been in so much less constant discord with how i look ive been doing such more natural and minor makeup than before and feeling so so much less stressed and anxious about it. and its not something i even fully thought about till now but i am incredibly grateful now that i have. like. fuck. the amount of anxiety it used to cause me compounded by the amount of time and effort it took to feel just comfortable enough in my own skin to leave the house was. insane. and i almost dont have that any more. at all. its fuckin amazing and is something i wish everyone can have bc jesus. at my 1 year hrt appointment (im usually pretty nervous and reserved?) my doctor asked me if T had improved my quality of life and almost before he was done asking I said yes. 100 percent. there is no doubt whatsoever. fuck. god.

anyways. thats. a rant. if u also have the same v niche interests that i do it might be interesting. cool bye.

[trichotillo-nope]

Make-Up, Anxiety, and Me

Here’s the thing, I’m a tomboy and I hated make up growing up. The most someone would catch me with was a tinted lip balm or a lip stick that matched my lip color. Nothing more. Then color guard in High School required me to wear it for performances - and were had a set pallet to pull from. That was when I discovered the magic eyeliner. That wearing it in dark brown or black - my preferred color - gives the illusion of eye lashes. To this point, everyone who bothered to look at my eyes for more than a second or two, knew (and likely commented) on my trichotillomania. Which, fun fact, only serves to exacerbate said condition.  We don’t like having attention drawn to the fact that our hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, or what have you don’t look “normal”. 

Since then I’ve discovered and become thoroughly versed in eyeshadow, foundation, primer, and setting potions (sprays and powders). They make me look more social acceptable. 

Now what does that mean? For starters, it’s a shield. A skin of colors that evens my skin tone so the stress inducing reds are muted and my bright green eyes are brighter. A mix of lines and contours that gives me “eyelashes” in a way that also prevents me from pulling. I don’t want to mess up my eye make up at least as much as I don’t want to pull and if my eye make up looks “on point” then the trichotillomania goes unnoticed. Secondly, It’s about being comfortable enough to interact with people and have a reasonable degree of assurance that my physical appearance isn’t going to invite interactions that heighten my feelings of anxiety. The lower my stress and anxiety levels, the less likely I am to pull out hair. If I do pull then it’s in relatively small amounts.

To that end I have two “go to” looks, so to speak since the colors aren’t set in stone on the eye shadows and lip sticks/glosses. The first look is my daily go to and consists of  eye liner, primer if needed, a fun combination of eye shadows (I do the full eye and have fun layering colors that look good together), some brow penciling if needed, and lastly some kind of setting spray. It’s fun and thanks to the pallets I’ve acquired from places like Uraban Decay, Sephora, Ulta, and Tarte, is a minor routine piece that keeps me with some sense of normalcy when I’m feeling extreme levels of stress and anxiety. It’s also relaxing to do. The most complex decisions I have to deal with are if the colors I’m feeling actually coordinate or if they won’t work. Trust me, some stuff looks great in the pan but not so much on my face. Haha. 

The second is for more formal or professional settings. It starts with/includes the above look but also requires my foundation and the highlighting/bronzer pallet I have. I use them to even out my skin tone and then get my coloring back to normal. Much like my “standard” routine and look, this has a calming almost meditative purpose. It’s art done with make up sponges, brushes, and q-tips. Last but not least, setting powder and spray.  I wear lip gloss/stick on a daily basis so I just pick the color and texture I’m in the mood for and go from there. Regardless of which routine I go with, it can help recenter me if I won’t up feeling exceptionally stressed or anxious; it also helps set me up for a calmer emotional state where I’m just “normal” levels of uncomfortable in my skin.

It’s expensive, yes. Can it be habit forming? Of course. Does their use mean my actual skin care needs to be stepped up? Yup but at my age that needs to start happening regardless and I use moisturizing and cleansers that are appropriate. Does it help me feel more prepared to deal with people and situations that are going to trigger my anxiety or trich? 1000%. When I don’t wear make up I can deal with it but I pull more and I feel that knot panicked shaky not in my chest like a timer ticking away. Right now having the routine and the shield it provides is more important than the time it takes. It’s giving me a form of meditation at the start of my day before I park and drop into hunting for jobs - which is panic, stress, and anxiety inducing on a level I can’t quantify. 

So go out there. Find a fun eye shadow pallet or a bright lipstick and give yourself a fun shield. Name the looks you create (I have one I call “Mother of Dragons” after Morrigan and Flemmeth from Dragon Age). Above all: Take care of yourself.

[seasalt-and-lipstick]

Beauty Witchcraft 101

Beauty witchcraft is a large and personal part of my practice. It's one of my three main methods of magic. Not only is it extremely accessible (both in the disabled sense and the 'widey available' sense), but it's also one of the most subtle ways to cast for those who are in secret or just need something lower key.  Beauty witchcraft has been around for a very long time, and is usually a term used to reference Glamours, self confidence, and love spells. However, in my practice, I use the term to reference the use of all beauty products in my craft, instead of or in collaboration with more traditional tools, such as herbs, crystals, food, etc. I strongly believe that if one wants to create outside change--either by magic or mundane means--then they first need to make change in their personal lives. Have a stable magical foundation, if you will. This is why I tend to focus more on Domestic Magic like Cottage and Kitchen Witchery because I want both my material home and my flesh home to be a positive reflection of the things and people I'd like to attract, that way those things have a nice place to roost when they finally knock on my door (at least we can create the illusion of stability, right?). Using beauty products in my practice is just another way to connect with my craft on a personal level and further tune it to reflect my values and desires, and thus attract more of those things to me. This may seem intimidating to some, as the beauty industry is a beast with many heads, but I mean it when I say that anyone of any ability can use this method and prosper from it.

Most of the posts I see only refer to makeup when referencing beauty magic, and that's fine. But since I define Beauty witchcraft as using all beauty products, I'm gonna be referencing Skin Care, Makeup, Hair Care, Fashion, and Nail Care in one go. I know that this industry is typically aimed at women, but I HIGHLY encourage men and non-binary people to participate in this type of magic if they would like to. Despite makeup having a rich and positive history, I understand that the beauty industry has used and abused people for money, specifically with the makeup and hair industry, and many people avoid those products to free themselves from that toxicity. But that’s why this method is great! ‘Cause even if you skip the majority of this list, everyone uses at least some of these products in their daily lives. As I said, this is aimed at everyone.

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, this is not exactly a "popular" magical path outside of its typical uses. I had a very hard time researching proper correspondences for most things, so most of this is VERY UPG. If you feel like something has a different correspondence or feel to it, by all means edit to your liking. This is just meant as a guide. 

Whatever I didn’t come up with myself came from Witchipedia, Scott Cunningham books, my Mirror, Mirror tag, and this list of correspondences

Without further delay, let’s begin!

SKIN CARE CORRESPONDENCES

(Element(s): Water)

CLEANSER - Cleansing, purifying, repairing, motivation TONER - Cleansing, manifesting, grounding, balancing, protection, shielding, prosperity EXFOLIANT - Banishing, purifying, exorcising, scrub away negativity, softening someone up, revealing

SERUM - Prosperity, longevity, health, repairing, smoothing, balancing, charging ACNE TREATMENTS - Banishing, repel negativity, when you need to get rid of something FAST MASKS - Depends on ingredients but in general: Rejuvenation, prosperity, happiness, confidence, manifesting MOISTURIZER - Prosperity, longevity, anti-aging, setting intention MAKEUP REMOVER - Expel negativity, cleansing, reveal truth EYE CREAM - "See" the truth, divination, psychic awareness, anti-aging NIGHT CREAM - Rest, rejuvenation, sleep, prosperity

TOOLS: EXFOLIATING BRUSH(ES) COTTON SWABS COTTON PADS -Be sure to charge these with intent to give your rituals a little extra oomf! -Always treat your rituals like real rituals! Light a candle or incense. Play some music to go with the mood you're trying to achieve. -If you have a disability that causes very limited arm range and you need help washing, applying makeup, etc then don't worry! I'm in the same boat. Just sigil or charge your application tools or products before use and you're set to go. A good no-hands way to charge things is by imagining them lighting up with your intent. You can also visualize a sigil writing itself in invisible ink on the surface.  

COMMON INGREDIENTS: LEMON - faithfulness, friendship, happiness, longevity, marriage, purification, cleansing, banishment   BANANA - love, luck, potency, prosperity, spirituality BLUEBERRY - peace, protection COCONUT - allure and confidence, chastity, diversity, flexibility, protection, psychic awareness, purification, spirituality SEAWEED - protection, Sea witchery, money, psychic powers CUCUMBER - chastity, healing, peace SALT - cleansing & purification, grounding, protection SUGAR - love, "sweetening" people up, sex ROSE - love, beauty, purity, motherhood, protection, good luck, admiration, respect, appreciation (also, for all my Christian witches out there, roses were also used to represent the blood of Jesus back in the day so you could probably do something with that) GRAPEFRUIT -  cleansing & purification, healing, alertness PEPPERMINT - change, healing, love, lust, psychic powers, purification, sleep, strength, alertness, safe travels LEMONGRASS -  lust, psychic cleansing and opening LAVENDER - Protection, cleansing, peace, sex, love ALMOND - healing, prosperity, wisdom, love OATMEAL - grounding, prosperity APRICOT - love, lust, peace WITCH HAZEL - healing, banishing, hex-breaking, psychic awareness HONEY - happiness, healing, love, lust, purification, spirituality, sweet things in life, weight loss, wisdom, sweetness OLIVE OIL - spirituality, protection, fertility, luck, settling arguments

MAKEUP CORRESPONDENCES

(Element(s): Earth)

PRIMER - Protection, shielding, endurance, durability FOUNDATION - Cover flaws, invisibility, protection, can use to draw sigils CONCEALER - Cover flaws, invisibility, highlight positives, deception (i.e See What I Want You to See), can use to draw sigils. COLOR CORRECTION - Fix past mistakes CONTOUR - Emphasize skill, standing out, change appearance, hiding secrets, respect, professional HIGHLIGHT - Attention, standing out, brightness, confidence, luck, color magic BLUSH - Color magic SETTING POWDER/SPRAY - Setting intention, endurance, long-lasting spells EYESHADOW - Depends on the color, texture, and/or scent. In general: confidence, charm, color magic, mood magic Matte: Grounding, professional, authority, respect, boldness, durability Shimmer: Brightness, standing out, luck EYELINER - Depends on color and style In general (black): seeing the truth, repelling negativity, cursing with the evil eye Short-wing: Cuteness, innocence, friendliness, welcoming, softness Sharp-wing: Intimidation, respect, authority, repelling, boldness, cursing Cat-eye: Slyness, sophistication, confidence, magick, divination, mischief, curiosity, lust MASCARA/FALSE EYELASHES - Charm, persuasion, innocence, boldness EYEBROWS - Change appearance, balance emotions, respect LIPSTICK - Depends on color. Speaking the truth, enchanting words, persuasion, charm, lust, love, attention, confidence. Lipliner and lip gloss emphasizes your intent and draws more attention to it. LIP BALM - Grounding, healing PERFUME - Changing aura, putting your intent in the air, attraction, mood magic. Depends on the scent. BRUSH CLEANER - Cleanse your tools MIRROR - Divination, glamours, astral travel, confidence, public speaking, bindings, seeing the truth

NOTE: Anything that's "24-hours" or "waterproof" would be good for heavy duty magic

TOOLS: MAKEUP BRUSHES (Could work as wands) BEAUTY BLENDERS (Very absorbant. Charge to absorb confidence and good feelings so you blend them into your face during use) EYELASH CURLERS Can charge with sigils and/or spray brushes with setting spray before use Leave crystals (rose quartz, clear quartz, citrine, cat's eye, jasper, or opal would be good ones) in your makeup bag or near your brushes to charge and/or cleanse your tools and products I like to put my pendulum in my makeup bag because A. nobody's gonna be digging through my makeup and B. It attunes it to my energy Buy brushes with a color that matches your intent!

HAIRCARE CORRESPONDENCE

(Element(s): Fire, Air, Earth and Water)

SHAMPOO - Purifying, banishing CO-WASH - Cleansing, nourishing DRY SHAMPOO - Cleansing, speed spells/situations up, when you need a cleanse QUICKLY CONDITIONER AND LEAVE-INS - Nourishment, prosperity, health, "detangle" stressful situations HAIR MASKS - Rejuvenation, prosperity, "softening" attitudes or situations, manifesting HAIR RINSES - Charging, manifesting OIL TREATMENTS - Depends on the oil but in general: prosperity, spirituality, protection, sealing energy, and nourishment MOISTURIZERS - Prosperity, health, charging ENHANCERS - Emphasize your intent, attention, confidence, lock in your intent HAIR CAPS - Protection, aids absorption SILK SCARFS - Protection, shielding, luxury, comfort, rest HAIR TIES - relationships, tying ends, flexibility BOBBY PINS - Keeping things together, unlocking doors, creativity HAIR DYE - Color magic WEAVES/WIGS - Wealth, changing appearances, confidence, color magic, protection, "sew-in" intent HEAT PROTECTANT - Protection, shield from negativity, shield from spell backfire HAIR SPRAY/GEL - lock in your intent, long lasting spells HAIR CUTS - New beginnings, changing appearances, cutting negativity (or people) from your life, happiness

TOOLS: STRAIGHT IRONS CURLING IRONS DETANGLING COMBS HAIR BRUSHES PICKS HOT ROLLERS HAIR DRYER

-Your heat items can be used to raise energy or charge while also representing Fire. They also have individual correspondences: STRAIGHT IRON - Smooth situations, seal in energy, change appearance, burn away negativity CURLING IRON - Change appearance, fun, cheerfulness, wrapping people around your finger HOT ROLLERS - Boldness, confidence, attention, long-lasting spells HAIR DRYER - Charging, motivation, speeding things up -In fact, as long as the object/area isn't combustible or would melt, you could use a blow dryer to charge sigils with a few seconds of heat -Your brushes, combs, and picks are your wands. There's also an old spell about how brushing through your hair 100 times before bed will bring beauty into your life. -Picks are used to add volume to curls so use it to increase boldness and confidence. Use detanglers to comb through the knots in your life. Brushes and combs would be good for grounding, meditation, and manifesting. -Charge and cleanse things accordingly! It's good to deshed your brushes and let them soak in warm water and vinegar/baby shampoo at least once or twice a week, so that'd be a good time to do it!

NOTES: For the other witches with natural hair out there, you could do knot magic with your twist-outs or braids

FASHION CORRESPONDENCES

(Element(s): Earth)

Basically, all you're doing here is color and mood magic. Dress how you want to feel or how you want others to feel toward you. Want peace? Dress comfy. Want success? Get fancy. Want attention? Dress in bright colors or wear flashy jewelry. Never dress like what you do. Dress for what you want. Here's some color correspondences:

RED - Passion, fire, courage, strength, power, joy, renewal, energy, health, motivation, desire, ambition, leadership, self-esteem, business deals, combat, confrontation, buying & selling, mechanical things, repairs, hunting PINK - Personal success, self-love, personal harmony, friendship, calming, romance, harmony, passion, partnerships, getting a move on, physical energy, sex, action, exercise, surgery, buying, selling & adopting animals, gardening, woodworking, new beginnings, honor, morality, emotions, femininity, breast cancer, homosexuality, compassion, relaxation, infants ORANGE - relieving depression, feelings of abandonment, increasing opportunities, happiness, mental alertness, breaking down barriers, material gain, kindness, sealing a spell, harvest, strength, dominance, legal matters YELLOW - Healing, friendship, increase productivity, remove negative thinking, increase creativity, inventiveness, prosperity, self-esteem, beauty, life, humility, intellect GREEN - increasing love and trust, faeries, general healing, wellness, transformation, new beginnings, prosperity, money, career, employment, hope, immortality, rebirth, garden magic, herbal magic, fertility, luck, courage, change, peace, harmony, relationship success, beauty, soul mates, artistic ability, affection, partnerships, alliances, grace, luxury, social activity, marriage, decorating, cosmetics, gifts, income, gardening, gardeners, architects, artists, cosmetologists, chiropractors, dancers, engineers, entertainers, fashion, models, designers, music, painting, poetry, courtship, dating, household improvements, planning events, shopping BLUE - Increase wisdom, wealth, joy, opportunity, patience, peace, truth, loyalty, meditation, introspection, insight, happiness, fidelity, remove confusion, the ocean, elevation, calming, long distance travel, higher education, political power, social standing, dealing with foreign cultures/countries, religion, philosophy, forecasting, broadcasting, publicity, expansion, luck, growth, sports, horses, legal matters, doctors, guardians, merchants, police officers, psychologists, charity, self-improvement, research, studying, reading. PURPLE - clairvoyance, relief of emotional hurt, spiritual protection, heal wounded pride, spirituality, wisdom, increasing psychic powers, meditation, justice, forgiveness, humility, the occult, hidden forces, secret dealings, memory, intelligence, communication, intelligence, education, correspondences, messages, students, merchants, editing, writing, advertising, contracts, kinship, ambition, progress, visiting friends, astrology WHITE - Safety, protection, transformation, enlightenment, connection to higher self, becoming more outgoing, relieving shyness, the cycle of life, freedom, health, initiation BLACK - Use in combination with white to represent balance, opposites, union of opposing forces. Divination, beginning, creation, rebirth, absorbing energies, patience, binding, stability, neutralizing forces, material gain, protection, karma, death, manifestation, law, understanding one's limits, overcoming obstacles, challenges, tests, real estate matters, farming, sacrifice, separation, criminals, civil servants, plumbing, justice, wills, debts, discoveries, elders, truth BROWN - Security, friendship, animal magic, nature magic, generosity, fruitfulness, new beginnings, harvest, health of pets & livestock, endurance, grounding, strengthening, solidifying, sound decision making, improved concentration, focus, telepathy, finding lost things, anything to do with animals

MATERIALS: COTTON - rain, protection, luck, and healing DENIM - employment, durability, stability, activity SILK - Sensuality, neutralizing, luxury, strength, VELVET - Wealth, luxury, royalty, neutralizing, luck CASHMERE - Wealth, comfort, warmth, uniqueness SATIN - Elegance, sleep, luxury, activity, sensuality, lust LEATHER - Strength, intimidation, stubbornness, boldness, confidence, power, protection LACE - Purity, romance, femininity, wisdom, love

TOOLS: WASHER & DRYER IRON IRON BOARD STEAMER SEWING NEEDLE STAIN REMOVER CLOTHESPIN AND CLOTHESLINE BUCKET AND WASHBOARD DRYER SHEETS/BALLS DETERGENT FABRIC SOFTENER SHOE SHINE LINT ROLLER BLEACH

-Pick your cleansing style: traditional with a bucket and clothesline or more modern with a washer & dryer -If you choose traditional, the washboard could be used to squeeze all negativity from your life. Dryers could be doing the same with heat. -Clotheslines allow the element of air into your clothes -Stain remover = quick cleansing or cleansing on the go -An ironing board could be used as a work table in a pinch -Dryer sheets/balls could be used to charge clothes with a specific intent with the scent you choose -Shoe shine could be used when you need a little more shine or luck in your life -Lint roller = removing daily negativity or things that no longer suit your life -Bleach would be a hardcore cleanser/banisher if you needed one. Just make sure it won't ruin your stuff and don't let it touch your skin. -Fabric softeners could add scents or also soften people up and add comfort and safety to something (like a child's blanket or teddy bear) -Clothespins hold things up and sewing needles mend situations and/or relationships. Could also be used as a wand (just be careful not to stab anyone) -For my disabled folks with limited arm useage like me, you can still participate in this! Just once again sigil the shit out of all your tools and you're good to go ;) -If you have a Llewellyn Almanac or Witch's Planner (or just check the website every day), you can use the Color of the Day to help decide the color of your clothes!

NOTE: Jewelry would also be an important part of Fashion Magic but it would take forever to list gem correspondences, so I would just suggest reading Scott Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Crystal, Gem, and Metal Magic as a simple reference guide. There are PDFs all over of Cunningham's stuff so you don't even have to buy it if you can't afford to!

NAILCARE CORRESPONDENCES

(Element(s): Earth and Water)

NAIL POLISH - Color magic, sigils TOP/BOTTOM COAT - Protection, endurance, sigils GLITTER POLISH - Durability, long-lasting spells, skill, confidence, luck, prosperity NAIL FILE - Smooth the edges of your life or sharpen your confidence and inner power, shape your life to the ideal POLISH REMOVER - Banishment, removal of negativity NAIL CLIPPERS - Clip away the excess and what no longer serves your life CUTICLE PUSHER - Setting boundaries, holding things back NAIL DESIGN BRUSHES AND PENS - Creativity, inspiration, skill, precise results, sigils, NAIL ACCESSORIES - Confidence, beauty, attention, creativity, luck, fun, happiness, prosperity (if using rhinestones) NAIL GLUE - Hold things together ACRYLIC NAILS - Wealth, luxury, confidence, protection, prosperity, growth

NOTES: -Soak your hands in lemon juice to brighten your nails and your life or put sunflower oil on them to strengthen them and boost your confidence. -I like to change my nail color with the Wheel of the Year to celebrate Sabbats and other holidays!!! -Cleanse your tools!!!!!! -You can use the nail brushes as wands or you can use your fresh and fancy new fingernails ;) -If you get your nails done professionally, choose a nail design that would also double as a sigil

If anyone has any questions or would like tips about this, just send an ask my way and I’ll see what I can do for ya! Be safe and have fun!