#not sorry for anything in particular just . Sorry
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butchvampireheimerdinger · 2 days ago
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can we get butchfemme sevika/reader hcs please :3
GAWD yes. Lord, I've been waiting for this day lessgo
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ButchFemme Sevika/Reader Headcanons
⚢ In typical butch fashion, her love language is acts of service
⚢ Loves to be fawned over ! Like “Omfg babe you’re sooo strong helping me put together furniture” and trust she is melting even though her face is expressionless and immoveable
⚢ She likes when you graze your long nails over her skin for back scratches and its all nice and light and tingly
⚢ She’s not much of a prettyboy (prettybutch…?) so she doesn’t really have a skincare routine but you have an extensive regimen so she memorizes all ur million little bougie products and gets you an extra to keep at ur place so you don’t have to eff up your skincare routine in favor of spontaneous sleepovers
⚢ Yeah she’s not too particular about her grooming in general. She lets you cut her hair even if you’re not super experienced with clippers. She still hypes you up even if you nick her ear when doing up her side shave/undercut.
“Oops! Sorry babe I think I got your ear…”
“Didn’t even feel it. You’re doing great baby keep going.”
⚢ On that note, pet names: For Sevika, its baby alll dayyyyyy ! She calls you baby, my girl, my pretty girl, my woman, etc. And as for what you call her, she always loves a “omg babe” moment. And “settle down there, cowboy” but in like a jesting sorta way. Also: “my butch.”
⚢ Stone top/pillow princess anybody?
⚢ Also: she’s ur cash cow. She loves buying you expensive shit and showing you off and showing off the expensive shit. You breathed in the direction of a particularly nice perfume? Surprise! It’s in your bathroom the following day. Like. It’s a theme. Especially in ur pre-relationship courting era. “Baby anything you want I get for you. Say the word I’ll buy for you the moon, the stars, et cetera, no one can provide for you like I can” blah blah blah
⚢ But you can’t be interrupting her card games tho. She’s like a teenage boy on the xbox with those things. Probs something to be worried about tbh.
⚢ And I’ve written this into a fanfic already, but that bitch wears boyshorts. I was thinking boxers for a while but I think that would be too much bulk over them skinny little plants she wears. I am a Sevika boyshorts TRUTHER
⚢ And she works out. Matter of fact, forget the prettybutch comment because Sevika WORKS OUTTT and I think she has resistance bands. Like she goes to an actual gym but around the house you’ll find her repping with those damn resistance bands to relieve stress or just cause she sees them and remembers.
⚢ And she works out to like. Classical music. Cause she’s a classy mothafuckaaa just absolutely getting ripped and her face is in a scary ass sneer but there's like ode to joy in the background
⚢ You pack her lunch. She gets flamed at work cause her paper bag is covered in lil hearts and stickers and kissy lipstick marks and its filled with sugary baked goods like pink sparkly cupcakes and fruity pastries cause u can’t cook. But by gawd u can bake.
⚢ That being said, she’s the cook in the relationship. Especially when it comes to meat. It’s problematic. Sevika’s version of “girl dinner” is straight up protein. Her typical meal is like. A rotisserie chicken + hard boiled eggs. It made you gasp the first time you saw her pull out one of her meal prep tins and it was just that.
⚢ Oh yeah and she meal preps
⚢ Claims she “doesn’t get sick” because her “immune system is just built different.”
⚢ When she does get sick, she refuses to chill out and let herself be sick and she tries to speedrun her way to health by taking too much vitamin C and then working out and cranking the heat to “sweat it out quicker.”
⚢ She knits to relieve stress
⚢ Sleeps topless and in undies. And a wife pleaser tank if its chilly.
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ryuzakistoe · 2 days ago
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Could This Be? (Sae Itoshi x fem!reader)
angst, fluff, slow burn, Sae Itoshi, language, smut (heavy?) fem!reader, trigger warning, hopeless/over thinker reader..?, BTW THIS IS GONNA BE A LONGGG ONE.
Yeah there's fingering, orgasms, dominate Sae, big-cocked Sae, somewhat submissive reader?, dirty talk (somewhat?), y’know all the usual.
a/n: give me ideas for who and what to write about next please🙏 cuz I got nothing.
Also, sorry if I made any mistakes on here as I have had not checked for any spelling mistakes or anything. I rushed to try and get this published because well…yeah it’s been a while.
____
(no song for this sorry😢)
Love.
It’s something everyone craves. The warmth of comfort, the security of knowing someone is truly there for you. It’s that feeling of having someone by your side, someone you can open up to without fear of judgment. It’s knowing there’s a shoulder you can lean on when life feels heavy.
Who wouldn’t want that? Everyone longs for that one person who understands them deeply, who stands by them through everything. It’s a natural part of being human.
Yet, finding true love isn’t always easy. Lustful desires can cloud our vision, making it hard to distinguish between the fleeting thrill of lust and the enduring presence of love.
Lust satisfies only for a moment, but love—love endures.
Too often, people mistake lust for love, deceiving themselves into thinking the temporary excitement is something lasting. But in truth, love is far deeper, something that grows and remains, far beyond the surface.
They convince themselves that this so-called "love" they’re experiencing is genuine, when, in truth, it’s anything but.
Then, there are those who have never been loved properly at all. As humans, we often twist the meaning of "love," reshaping it into something that barely resembles true love.
It’s disgusting, really.
The world is far from perfect, and it’s filled with deceivers and liars who spread only flames of falsehood and venom. It’s painful to think that someone like you has crossed paths with these people.
Many have tried to explain what "love" is supposed to be—pleasure, satisfaction, joy, delight, even lust. They use these words to describe love, and it’s horrifying to see how they’ve mistaken and misrepresented it.
What they experienced wasn’t real love at all. Just a shallow, distorted version of something far deeper and truer.
It’s pitiful. The "love" they’ve experienced is etched so deeply into their minds that they believe it’s real. But it isn’t.
Love is so much more. It takes many shapes, each unique to the person, and it goes far beyond fleeting pleasure or satisfaction. Some have been led to believe otherwise, brainwashed into confusing love with something shallow and empty.
They’ve never truly experienced love.
And yet, you, too, fall into this category. You’ve never been loved as you deserved.
These days, it seems like all men want is sex and pleasure. Many of the men you’ve dated claimed to “love” you, but those words quickly unraveled into hollow promises. What they felt was just a lustful attraction, nothing more.
Your heart has been broken more than once by these pretenders, each time leaving you with more questions than answers.
One day, they’d say they loved you; the next, they’d avoid you entirely. And to think, you even lost your virginity to one of these fucking scums.
They left you shattered, vanishing the moment they got what they wanted.
One guy, in particular, slipped past your defenses, convincing you he was different—that he was actually worthy of this "love." He manipulated you in countless ways, claiming it was all in the name of love. He told you that having sex, intimacy, and leaving yourself vulnerable, was the ultimate proof of love.
You were conflicted, torn by doubt, but a deep need to be loved pushed you to trust him. Yet, the days that followed left you miserable and broken, as he cut off all contact after that night.
All you wanted was to be was loved…
One by one, each guy took what he wanted and left, only adding to the ache and emptiness.
You stopped believing in love and began to hate yourself in ways you never had before.
Was love even real? Was it just a fantasy made for movies and stories, something exaggerated beyond reality? No one could convince you otherwise. All those voices claiming to know what love is, how it’s supposed to feel—they seemed almost delusional to you now.
You found yourself pitying them, those blind and hopeless creatures, chasing an illusion you no longer believed in.
What a bunch of animals.
…🌺…
You worked at a small bakery not far from home. Despite everything going on, you couldn’t afford to be broke. Thankfully, this job gave you just enough to scrape by each week. Barely.
You took the night shifts for the extra pay—just in case. A car was out of the question on your income, but that didn’t matter much; work was only a short walk away.
What they didn’t pay you enough for, though, were the rude, bitchy, demanding customers who tested your patience daily. They complained, ordered you around, and acted as if you were their work-slave, to solely serve their every whim. You were surprised you hadn’t lost your mind by now—probably thanks to your coworker or best friend might I say.
“Heyyy, Y/nnie! How’s my favorite girl?” she called out, wrapping you up in a tight hug.
Her name was Yuko. Annoying and overly extroverted as she could be, though you were grateful to have her around.
Her dark, disheveled hair, bounced as she ran toward you. “Hey, Yuko…” you managed, barely able to breathe under her tight hug. Despite her size, she was surprisingly strong.
Yuko’s eyes widened as she realized she was squeezing the air out of you, and she quickly let go. “Ha… sorry, Y/n!” she muttered, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment.
“Nah, you’re fine, Yuko,” you said, smiling as you met her gaze.
Your first shift here had been lonely. You hadn’t bothered much with the other coworkers, and they hadn’t really reached out to you either. You’d all just been there to do the job—nothing more.
You hadn’t really minded keeping to yourself, never making an effort to connect with your coworkers. They hadn’t shown much interest in you, either.
Then came Yuko.
She approached you, eager to get to know you better—though, to be fair, she did that with everyone. She was friends with nearly all your coworkers, and now she’d set her sights on making you her next.
You couldn’t deny that her bold personality drew you in. Something about her was captivating, though you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Was it her loudness? Her confidence? Her outgoing spirit? Whatever it was, you felt yourself drawn to her.
And Yuko felt the same. She sensed there was something different about you, something intriguing, and that made her all the more determined to befriend you.
Who would have guessed that this mutual interest would spark such a strong friendship between the two of you?
You weren’t just another coworker to her—Yuko considered you her best friend. And, honestly, you felt the same way about her.
“I just couldn’t resist squeezing the life out of you, Y/n! You’re just so precious and adorable!” Yuko gushed, clasping her hands together with a loud smack.
“Yuko… you use that excuse every single day,” you sighed, shaking your head.
“Do I? Mmm, I don’t recall…” Yuko hummed, feigning innocence with a coy smile.
You let out a small huff, clearly seeing through her act. With a playful glare, you waited, knowing she’d slip up soon enough.
Sure enough, not even ten seconds passed before she let out a whine, squirming a little under your gaze. “Ah, Y/nnnnieee… how do you always figure me out?” she grumbled.
“You’re just that bad at lying, Yuko.” You chuckled softly, watching as she crossed her arms, giving you a mock-offended glare.
“I am not that bad at lying!” she retorted, pouting.
Lost in your banter, neither of you noticed the soft jingle of the bell signaling someone’s entrance.
“Sure, Yuko, whatever helps you sleep at night—”
“Are you going to take my order, or are you two just going to keep bickering?”
Both of you froze, turning toward the voice with wide eyes.
"Ah… my apologies, sir. Sorry for not paying attention," you muttered quickly, stepping over to the register to take his order.
The man let out a faint hum, as if to agree that yes, it was your fault. Inwardly, you stifled a groan—you could already tell he was going to be one of those bitchy customers.
"Anyway, what can I get for you, sir?" you asked, glancing up.
Your gaze lingered, almost unconsciously taking in his appearance, a habit you’d developed with customers. He had reddish-brown hair and a lean build, at least from what you could see. His eyes, a striking green-teal, were narrowed slightly, showing not a hint of emotion.
You almost paused, a bit envious of his long, dark lashes. What a lucky guy, you thought.
Overall, he gave off an air of indifference, like nothing around him could bother him in the slightest.
“A salted kombucha tea will do,” he replied, barely looking up from his phone.
“Anything else?” you asked, glancing up at him again.
He slipped his phone back into his pocket, meeting your gaze with an intensity that made it feel as if he was sizing you up, too.
“That’s all,” he said, hands shoved casually into his pockets.
You quickly typed in his order, breaking eye contact, though you could still feel the weight of his stare. It was… unsettling.
“And your name?” you asked, grabbing an empty cup, trying to brush off the strange tension.
“Sae Itoshi,” he muttered.
Sae Itoshi? The name struck a chord, tickling the back of your memory. You’d heard it somewhere before, but couldn’t quite place where.
“Alright, your drink will be ready shortly. If you could, please wait over there,” you said, gesturing toward the spot.
Sae’s gaze followed your hand, and without a word, he walked to the designated area.
With the empty cup in hand, you stepped away from the register and started preparing his drink. Just as you began brewing the tea, Yuko appeared at your side, looking as energetic as ever.
“Did I hear that right? That was Sae Itoshi?!” she practically shouted, wide-eyed as she leaned right into your face.
Already feeling the beginnings of a headache, you nudged her back. “Yeah, why are you so surprised?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
Yuko looked at you like you’d just sprouted a second head.
“Are you serious, Y/n?” She scoffed, gripping your shoulders in exaggerated disbelief. “You call me clueless, but you don’t even know who Sae Itoshi is?”
“That, my dear Y/n, was none other than the Sae Itoshi—the famous football player!” Yuko exclaimed, rocking you back and forth.
No wonder the name had sounded so familiar. What were the odds that a famous soccer player would show up at a small bakery like yours?
“Okay, okay, you can let me go, Yuko!” you yelped, clutching the cup tightly to avoid spilling the drink.
Reluctantly, she released you but continued her excited rambling. “Do you realize how rare this is?” she squealed, practically sparkling with enthusiasm.
“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty rare,” you mumbled as you got back to preparing the drink, hoping she’d settle down.
But Yuko just stared at you, her expression twisting with utter disbelief. What’s with everyone staring today?
“The hell, Y/n? How are you not excited about this?! A famous athlete is literally in our shop right now! Out of everywhere, he chose here!” she ranted, poking the side of your head for emphasis.
You swatted her hand away. “Keep your voice down, Yuko,” you sighed, trying to focus.
But Yuko, unfazed, only leaned in closer. “And not only is he famous, he’s one of those hot athletes!” she gushed, ignoring your attempt to quiet her. “How can you stay calm when we’re literally in the presence of a sexy celebrity?”
You groaned, turning to face her. “Yuko, please. Let me finish this, okay? I really don’t need the noise right now.”
She huffed, dropping her shoulders dramatically. “Fine, whatever, Y/n. You’re so weird,” she muttered, leaning against the counter beside you.
A brief silence fell—until Yuko finally spoke up again. “So… how big do you think his dic—“
“Yuko!” you blurted, stopping her before she could finish.
“What? I��m just curious! Can’t you let a girl imagine these things?” she pouted, crossing her arms with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She knew you were already done with her antics.
“At least keep those thoughts to yourself, Yuko. And you call me weird,” you scoffed softly, snapping the lid onto the drink.
Yuko chuckled, clearly pleased with herself for getting under your skin. She lived for teasing you.
You took a steadying breath, picked up the tea, and headed over to Sae Itoshi, feeling a touch nervous to be serving someone so famous.
“Here’s your tea, sir,” you mumbled, holding the cup out to him.
He glanced up from his phone, his eyes settling on you as he reached for the drink. His fingers brushed against yours, warm and slightly rough, sending a surprising jolt through you. Shaking off the thought, you added, “That’ll be 595.31 yen.”
“Right.” He gave a soft hum and pulled out the exact amount, placing the yen in your hand before taking a sip.
You noticed his eyes widen just a fraction as he savored the tea, clearly caught off guard by the taste.
“This is surprisingly good for such a cheap drink,” he muttered, taking another sip.
You let out an irritated huff. Did he really have to say it like that?
“Glad it suits your taste buds,” you grumbled, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.
He ignored your tone. “Did you make this yourself?” he asked, studying you with unexpected interest.
Caught off guard by the question, you raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I did. Why?”
His gaze held yours as he replied, “No reason. I just didn’t expect it to turn out this well.”
Another rude remark. Will you ever get a break from these customers?
He took another sip, looking mildly impressed. “I might reconsider coming by again for another cup. You make good tea—for a baker.”
You were sure steam was coming out of your ears by now. You just wanted him out of the shop. “Thanks, I guess,” you muttered, barely concealing your frustration.
“No problem,” he said nonchalantly, strolling out the door without a second glance.
You let out an aggravated sigh. The nerve of that guy.
Slumping your shoulders, you turned and headed back to where Yuko was waiting. The moment she spotted you, she practically skipped over.
“Sooo, Y/n, what’d you think? Pretty sexy, huh?” she laughed, leaning against your shoulder.
“Sure, I’ll admit he’s good-looking,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. “But he’s an absolute jerk. Seriously, how do people put up with him?” You groaned, burying your face in your hands.
“Woah, woah, Y/nnie, what exactly happened?” Yuko asked, pulling back to look at you.
You sighed, pulling your hands away from your face. “He practically insulted me—multiple times. And I don’t even think he realized it.”
Yuko studied your face as you ranted, wide-eyed. Clearly, you were more annoyed than usual.
“Well, look on the bright side, Y/n—he probably won’t come back! …Sadly,” she added, mumbling the last part.
“About that…” you muttered, avoiding her gaze.
Yuko’s mouth dropped open, and she grabbed your face, forcing you to look at her. “You’re telling me he’s coming back?! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh—!”
“Yuko!” you exclaimed as she released her grip, realizing she’d been squeezing your face a little too hard.
“Sorry, Y/n,” she chuckled sheepishly, taking a step back. “But seriously—is he really coming back?” Her eyes were wide, fixed on you like a hawk.
“Well… yeah, he said he might, but I don’t know if he actually meant it,” you murmured, recalling Sae’s words.
Yuko let out an exaggerated groan, tugging at her hair. “Aww, come on, Y/n! Way to get my hopes up!”
“Sorry, Yuko,” you sighed. Not that you were actually sorry.
“Doesn’t mean he won’t, though! Ooh, maybe I can get his number too! I can already picture our future together—wonder how he looks naked in bed—”
“Yuko!” you shouted, interrupting her with a mix of surprise and annoyance.
“Just messing with you, Y/n!” Yuko cackled, wrapping you in a tight hug.
You couldn’t stand how easily she joked about such… lustful things, though you’d never admit it to her. It always made you uncomfortable.
“Aww, I love you, Y/n!” Yuko said dramatically, burying her head in your neck.
That, too, made your stomach turn. You hated it.
Why did everyone toss around the word "love" so casually, like it was just a meaningless phrase? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.
…🌺…
The soft, familiar comfort of your bed enveloped you as you collapsed onto the mattress. A sigh escaped your lips as you began to settle in for the night. It was already 12:05 AM, meaning your shift would start in just six hours.
You let out another sigh, staring at the ceiling, letting your thoughts wander.
Then, out of nowhere, Sae Itoshi’s face flashed in your mind.
Without thinking, you grabbed your phone and searched for his Instagram profile.
What the hell are you even doing?
You scrolled through his posts, which were mostly just photos of him scoring goals, looking effortlessly cool. What is wrong with you?
Your finger hovered over the screen as you clicked on his followers and the people he followed. It was a list of other famous football players, each name more recognizable than the last.
Are you out of your mind?
You navigated through all the social media apps, searching for his name, scrolling aimlessly.
Stop.
You froze, suddenly aware of what you were doing.
“What the hell am I doing?” you whispered to yourself, a wave of realization washing over you.
Why were you so fixated on finding Sae Itoshi online? Was he really that intriguing? Was he worth all this time and energy?
What exactly was so captivating about him?
You had no answers.
With a frustrated sigh, you closed out of every app that featured his name and set your phone down beside your bed. You plugged it in to charge, then wrapped yourself tightly in your blanket.
But despite the warmth, sleep eluded you. Instead, you lay wide-eyed, staring at the ceiling.
What made you do this? Why was Sae Itoshi still on your mind?
Why were you suddenly so desperate to know who he was?
You let out a weary groan, squeezing your eyes shut, hoping sleep would finally drown out the endless questions swirling in your mind.
And after what felt like an eternity, it finally worked. Your thoughts began to fade, and sleep claimed you.
…🌺…
“Well then, Y/nnie, who’s excited to see Sae Itoshi?! I know I am!” Yuko exclaimed, practically bouncing with energy.
“Sometimes you’re too much, Yuko,” you replied, rolling your eyes.
As expected, Yuko was absolutely ecstatic about the prospect of seeing Sae Itoshi again. But could you say the same? You weren’t so sure.
“Come on, Y/n! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! You’ve got to make the most of it!” Yuko urged, clasping her hands around yours with a grin.
“Well, I’d like to make use of my lifetime not obsessing over some famous football player,” you sighed, trying to sound indifferent.
What a lie.
“Gosh, you’re so boring, Y/n!” Yuko huffed, releasing her grip on you. “You’re hopeless,” she added with a teasing tone.
You scoffed. “Me, hopeless? I’m just trying to make enough money to survive out here,” you grumbled.
“Aren’t we all?” Yuko replied, taking a step away from you and heading off to serve other customers.
You sighed, watching her go, then rested your elbows on the counter in the back. Your phone came out of your pocket, and you began scrolling through social media absentmindedly.
Then, once again, that all-too-familiar thought of him crept into your mind.
What is happening to you?
You found yourself on his Instagram page, scrolling through his posts without even realizing it.
Just then, you heard a voice—one you knew all too well.
“You must have a really hard time noticing your customers waiting.”
Your eyes widened in shock. You quickly whipped your head up, and there he was—that stupid jerk—standing right at the register, waiting for you to take his order.
Sae Itoshi…
You quickly turned off your phone, hoping he hadn’t caught you scrolling through his profile just moments before.
Taking a deep breath, you walked up to the register, forcing a neutral expression.
“The same thing?” you asked, trying to sound casual.
“Yeah,” Sae replied, his tone as calm as ever.
With just one word from him, you got to work, preparing his tea with a practiced speed.
It didn’t take long, and within less than 10 minutes, his drink was ready.
“That’ll be—”
“Here.”
Sae handed you the money without missing a beat, then swiftly took the drink from your hands, taking a slow sip.
A satisfied sigh escaped him as he swallowed, clearly enjoying the tea.
You couldn’t help but watch him, eyes lingering on the way he drank.
This guy…
Noticing your stare, he pulled the cup away from his lips and casually spoke, “Y’know, instead of just wandering around looking at my page, you could always just follow me.”
His voice was quiet, almost teasing, but you couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious.
Nonetheless, your eyes widened at his words.
Fuck…he caught you.
“Uh… yeah, I’ll keep that in mind…” you mumbled awkwardly, the words barely escaping your lips.
You could feel your face burning with embarrassment. This is so humiliating.
Then, just as you were trying to regain some composure, Sae spoke again.
“Give me your phone.”
His words hit you like a punch. What the hell? Why would he want your phone?
“May I ask why?” you asked, raising an eyebrow, the confusion evident in your voice.
“I just want to see something,” he replied, his tone flat and unreadable.
You should’ve known better. You shouldn’t give a stranger your phone. It was basic knowledge, after all. But something about his calm, indifferent demeanor made you hesitate.
Strange, you thought, but you didn’t argue.
With a subtle sigh, you pulled your phone from your back pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to him.
Sae swiftly swiped your phone from your hand, his fingers moving quickly as he typed something and tapped on the screen.
“Here,” he said, handing the device back to you.
You took your phone, still confused, and looked up at him. He met your gaze with a calm, unreadable expression.
Without thinking, you broke the eye contact and immediately glanced at what he had done on your phone.
Your eyes widened.
You were now following Sae Itoshi.
"You needed my phone for this?" you asked, your voice laced with confusion as you shifted your gaze back to him.
He took in your baffled expression, his head tilted slightly.
“Yeah, it’s not that hard to click ‘follow,’” he replied nonchalantly, his tone almost taunting.
You glared at him, feeling a frustrated vein pulse at your temple.
Did he really not care how he affected people?
Actually nevermind. He probably didn't.
Now, you were really starting to believe that people probably were paid to put up with this egotistical jerk.
“Whatever. Is that all you needed?” you asked, forcing the frustration down as best as you could.
It was getting harder and harder to ignore his blunt, cutting words.
“Yeah, i guess.” Sae shrugged, his eyes drifting away from you to inspect the decorations and furniture around the shop.
You let out a quiet sigh of relief, grateful that he wasn’t pushing any further.
But, of course, Sae caught it.
His gaze snapped back to you, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. “What? You that eager for me to leave?”
“Somewhat,” you replied, not even hesitating.
Sae’s eyes narrowed slightly as he processed your blunt answer. His brow quirked, clearly not expecting such a direct response. He shrugged it off casually.
“Too bad. I’m coming back.”
Naturally, that soured your mood tenfold. But, oddly enough, you didn’t feel as annoyed as you’d expected hearing those words.
Odd…
"If you're done ordering, please step out of line," you sighed, shoulders slumping. You were already growing tired of his antics.
"Didn’t even get a chance to check this place out, and you’re already kicking me out? What poor customer service," Sae commented casually, holding up his empty cup in front of you. "Might as well throw this away for me, yeah? Thanks." His tone was light, as if he barely noticed how much he was testing your patience.
You let out a frustrated grumble, muttering under your breath as you snatched the cup from his hand, shooting him a glare before turning to the trash can.
Just as you tossed it away, you looked up to see Sae already strolling out, unbothered.
You felt yourself visibly relax as Sae’s figure disappeared from sight.
Seriously, could that guy be any more irritating?
But your brief moment of relief didn’t last.
"Y/NNIEEE!"
Perfect—just what you needed.
"Ah, my beautiful Y/n, how did your date go with Sae Itoshi?!" Yuko teased, a mischievous grin on her face as she draped an elbow over your shoulder.
"Really, Yuko?" you groaned, nudging her off.
"What? Didn’t go as planned?" Yuko pouted dramatically, raising her hands to her face and pretending to wipe away imaginary tears.
"Sometimes, Yuko, you do too much," you mumbled, glaring at her, hoping the hint of annoyance in your tone would get through.
"Y/n, you’re such a peculiar one. Most girls would go crazy by just seeing that guy! I mean, every time I catch a glimpse of him, my heart practically explodes!" Yuko rambled on, forming a heart with her hands and placing it over her chest, mimicking a rapid heartbeat.
"C'mon, Yuko, you know why—" you paused mid-sentence.
She didn’t know. Yuko didn’t know about the pieces of your past you’d left unspoken, buried somewhere you hoped no one would find.
She didn’t know about the heartbreaks you’d endured, the ones that had chipped away at you until even the thought of love felt distant, hollow. She didn’t know about the countless nights spent piecing yourself back together, the silent battles, the disappointments that had left scars no one could see.
Yuko didn’t know about the lies you’d had to believe, the ones that wrapped around you until you could hardly tell where the truth ended and the facade began. She had no idea how those things had worn you down, until something as simple as liking—or even loving someone, felt like too much to ask.
No, she didn’t know any of it. You’d never told her. And maybe you never would.
"Huh? No, I don’t know why. What do you mea—"
"Oh, uh, never mind, it’s nothing," you said quickly, cutting her off, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the edge in your voice.
But you knew Yuko wasn’t stupid. You could feel her gaze linger on you, her eyes clouded with confusion and curiosity, studying you, knowing something was going on.
Yet, she knew when to let things be.
"Alright, if you say so, Y/n," Yuko murmured softly, letting it drop.
You looked away, voice barely above a whisper. "Yeah."
You exhaled, feeling a small release as her gaze finally drifted from you.
"Anyway, I’ll get back to my shift, Y/n. Talk to you later!" Yuko said with a small smile as she started to walk away, her curiosity saved for another time.
You gave her a quiet nod and returned to your work. Just a couple more hours, and you’d finally be able to go home.
…🌺…
Here you were, lying in bed, getting ready to drift into a deep slumber.
Slipping into your nightwear, you wrapped yourself snugly in your blanket, instantly enveloped in warmth and comfort. Reaching for your phone on the nightstand, you lazily glanced at your notifications.
“Sae Itoshi is now following you.”
Your breath hitched. For a moment, you thought you were imagining things. Was this real?
Heart pounding, you tapped on your profile and checked your followers.
Nope, it wasn’t a mistake. It was real.
But how? How did he even know your name?
Oh. Right. The nametag.
You tossed your phone aside with a sigh, sinking deeper into your bed.
You couldn’t quite pinpoint what you were feeling. There was happiness, maybe even excitement, but it was tangled up with annoyance and a faint thread of confusion.
Why would he follow you? He didn’t seem like the type to care about someone like you. It didn’t make sense.
But the real question lingered: how did you feel about all of this?
It was strange. These emotions felt foreign, like opening a book you hadn’t touched in years. And yet, they felt… good. Comforting, in a way.
But also terrifying.
You couldn’t remember the last time you let yourself feel like this. What if it led to the same pain, the same destruction? Wasn’t it safer to keep your guard up, to not let anyone in?
“The hell are you doing to me,” you groaned, burying your face into your pillow, trying to escape the overwhelming storm of emotions crashing over you.
…🌺…
"Let me guess—the same thing?"
"Yeah."
You let out a small sigh, already knowing the routine as you headed to the back to prepare his drink.
He came in every day, like clockwork. It was almost comforting in its predictability, though he never switched things up—always the same drink, no pastries, nothing else.
As you handed him his order, you asked, "Do you want anything else, or…?" You already knew the answer but asked anyway, half out of habit, half hoping for a surprise.
"No," he replied flatly, his tone as cutting as ever. "Though it’s pretty stupid of you to even ask. I mean, isn’t it obvious by now? I get the same thing every day."
Ah, yes. Classic Sae. Always quick with the unnecessary criticism. What a great way to dampen your already mediocre morning.
"Well," you muttered, brushing off his remark with a hint of irritation, "it’s just that you always get the same thing. Don’t you ever want to try something else?"
Your tone betrayed your annoyance, but honestly, could anyone blame you?
"If I wanted something else, I would’ve asked for it already, don’t you think?"
Now he was just being a smartass.
"I get that," you scoffed, barely holding back your frustration, "but wouldn’t you want to at least try something different?" Your fists clenched at your sides, a subtle outlet for the irritation bubbling inside you.
Sae paused, his gaze steady as he studied you for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he finally said, "If I buy something else, will you stop nagging me about it?"
"I mean… I guess?" you replied, your uncertainty creeping into your voice. A simple "yes" felt too eager, but saying "no" would make it sound like you were intent on pestering him forever. You weren't a begger. Especially not to him.
Sae gave a curt nod and glanced at the display, scanning the selection before pointing at a pastry. "That one looks decent."
Your gaze followed his finger to the pastry in question. "Alright, then," you said, moving to grab a paper bag. Carefully, you placed the pastry inside, sealed it up, and handed it to him.
"That’ll be 645.87 yen," you muttered, barely meeting his eyes as you extended your hand. He handed you the money without a word, his expression unreadable as ever.
You let out a relieved sigh, assuming this was the part where Sae would leave, as he usually did.
Usually.
Just as you thought your morning might finally return to normal, Sae took a step, then stopped and turned back to face you.
You blinked, confused. Wasn’t he done here? Apparently not.
“Before I forget,” he began, his unwavering gaze fixed on you, “I have a match coming up against this program called Blue Lock. I want you to come watch.”
Your eyes widened slightly, your mouth parting in disbelief.
Did he just… personally invite you to his game?
“Wait… what?” you mumbled, still trying to process his words.
He let out an exasperated sigh, his expression tinged with impatience. “I said I want you to come to my match. You’re not deaf, are you?”
And just like that, your initial shock morphed into irritation.
Great. Just great.
“Well, can you blame me? It’s not every day a famous player invites someone they barely know,” you grumbled, narrowing your eyes at him.
Sae shrugged, resting a hand on his hip. “I don’t have anyone else to invite,” he admitted casually. “Besides, you’re not all that bad to talk to.”
Your eyebrow shot up. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you murmured, your tone skeptical.
He met your gaze without hesitation. “You’re someone I enjoy talking to. I’m sick of people who act all formal and fake around me, putting on some persona just because of who I am.” His voice was steady, almost nonchalant. “Not to mention the crazy fans. It’s exhausting.”
He paused, then added, “It’s refreshing talking to someone who doesn’t act like that.”
You didn’t know how to respond. Was he being serious? Judging by his expression, he didn’t seem like the type to lie about something like this.
Your chest tightened, your heartbeat picking up speed.
Were you nervous? Happy? Flustered?
It was hard to tell—everything about this felt foreign, yet oddly familiar. It left you feeling strangely vulnerable.
“Our conversations are also quite pleasant,” Sae added, his tone as flat as ever.
You blinked, your expression instantly deadpan. Did he really just call our “conversations” pleasant?
What a ridiculous statement. The only thing you two ever did was bicker—and by bicker, you meant he annoyed you to no end. Pleasant? Hardly.
You let out a sigh, equal parts confused and exasperated, before replying, “Sure, Sae. I’ll accept your invite.”
The words left your mouth before you could really think about them. Why had you said yes? You could’ve said no—you should’ve said no. That would’ve been the normal response. The usual you response.
But instead, you’d said the opposite.
Strange.
What’s been up with you lately?
"I'll text you the details," Sae said, snapping you out of your thoughts.
And with that, he finally left, pastry in hand, leaving you to process the whirlwind of emotions he'd stirred up.
…🌺…
One day.
The match against Blue Lock Eleven was just one day away.
It was strange—this was the first football match you’d ever been excited about, and honestly, it didn’t feel like you at all. You’d never cared much for sports. Until now.
Was it the thrill of having a big shot like Sae personally invite you to one of his games? Or was it the curiosity of experiencing a live sports match for the first time?
Probably a little bit of both.
But alongside the excitement, there was something else. Nerves.
Actually, scratch that—you were really nervous.
You’d have to go alone—not that being alone bothered you most of the time, but this was different. It would’ve been better to bring a friend.
Maybe Yuko? She could always go, right?
But then again, Sae had personally invited you. That probably meant he’d already arranged for a seat—most likely close to the field. And with how packed the stadium would be, there’d hardly be any open seats nearby. Everyone would be scrambling to get as close as possible.
You groaned, letting your head hang low in frustration.
Looked like you’d just have to suck it up.
“What’s got you looking so down in the dumps?”
You lifted your head, only to be met with none other than Yuko herself.
Speak of the devil.
"Nothing much. Just… thinking," you replied, straightening up to regain your composure.
Yuko raised an eyebrow and stepped closer, stopping just within arm's reach. "About what?"
"Just about an upcoming game," you murmured quietly, crossing your arms as you tried to mask your nerves.
"Why would you be stressed over a game?" Yuko asked, her expression turning confused as she looked at you.
You sighed, feeling the weight of your thoughts. It wouldn’t hurt to tell her, right?
"Well, it’s just that Sae Itoshi invited me to watch one of his games and—"
"WHAT?!" Yuko screamed, cutting you off mid-sentence.
You immediately felt your face flush in embarrassment as her loud shout turned every customer and employee's attention toward you both.
"Yuko! Keep it down!" you hissed, quickly covering her mouth to stop any further outbursts.
"Sborrey," Yuko mumbled, her voice muffled as you kept your hand over her mouth.
You slowly pulled your hand away, gripping her shoulders as you gave her a stern look. "Yuko… please don't shout like that," you grumbled, scolding her gently.
"Mmm, I’ll try," she awkwardly chuckled, a sweatdrop forming on her forehead.
"Anyway… what about Sae Itoshi?" Yuko whispered loudly, leaning so close to your face that you could feel her breath.
"I said, Sae Itoshi invited me to one of his games," you repeated, trying to stay calm.
She froze for a moment, eyes wide. "He… he personally invited you?!" Her voice trailed off in disbelief as she spoke loudly.
"Yuko!" You shot her a glare, but before you could speak again, she broke into a grin that looked almost too wide.
"Yes, he personally invited me," you murmured, now feeling even more awkward under her intense gaze.
"Oh my gosh… OH MY GOSH! Y/n, do you have any idea how lucky you are?!" Yuko practically shouted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Any girl would kill to have THE Sae Itoshi invite them to his game! How’d you do it? Did you seduce him? Or did you promise him se-”
"Yuko!" you shouted, quickly cutting off whatever inappropriate thought was about to escape her lips.
"Sorry, Y/n… but seriously, tell me! How?" Yuko urged, clasping her hands together with excitement.
You looked away, scratching your chin, before meeting her gaze again. "Well, he just said he enjoyed talking to me and then invited me," you said, trying to downplay the whole thing.
Yuko’s expression immediately dropped, and she stared at you, incredulous. "Are you kidding me? That's it? No love confession or anything?"
"Um… no," you replied, still staring at her, not entirely sure how to react to her reaction.
"Ugh, that's so lame!" Yuko huffed, tugging at her hair in frustration. "Y/n, I thought you were better than this!"
"What do you mean—?"
"Never mind!" Yuko cut you off with an exasperated sigh. "Well, regardless, this is the first time I’ve heard of Sae Itoshi taking an interest in someone he barely knows enough to invite them to his game." She grinned mischievously, raising her eyebrows up and down as she looked you over.
"Yeah… I was kind of shocked myself," you replied, brushing off her teasing with a nonchalant shrug.
"He's definitely interested in you, Y/n!" Yuko exclaimed, grabbing hold of your arm in excitement.
You deadpanned, staring at her in disbelief. Really? The Sae Itoshi, interested in you? What a joke.
But even as you dismissed it, you couldn’t help but wonder. Why had he invited you? Sure, maybe it was because he enjoyed talking to someone who wasn’t fawning over him like the rest of the world, but was that really all?
Is that really all it took?
"You're funny, Yuko," you murmured, gently shaking her off.
"Aww, c’mon, Y/nnnieee!" Yuko whined, practically bouncing on her feet. "He invited you! He could’ve picked anyone else who was 'sane,' but he chose you!" She emphasized the word sane with a teasing grin.
"Yuko, you’re just making this into something it’s not. It’s probably nothing," you said, brushing it off as you started to move away and continue your shift.
If Yuko could, she would have slapped some sense into you.
She hated when you were this oblivious. "You’re hopeless, Y/n," Yuko groaned, shaking her head as she let you do your thing.
With that, Yuko left, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
Great. Now her words were swirling in your mind, filled with what ifs.
It felt strange—almost disorienting—as your heartbeat quickened along with the rise of these thoughts.
This was definitely not like you. It only made you feel more stressed and confused.
Maybe Yuko was right. You really were hopeless.
Although who could blame you, after everything you've been through?
…🌺…
SAE! SAE! SAE! SAE!" The crowd roared his name, their voices blending into a thunderous chant as the prodigy scored the first goal.
You were completely mesmerized, entranced by his skill. For a moment, you forgot all about the nerves that had been eating at you since this morning.
…(right before the match)…
Come on, Y/N, you'll be fine," Yuko had said earlier, her tone reassuring. "But what if I get lost?" you had asked, chewing on your lip. "I highly doubt that," she replied with a smirk.
Yuko had been trying to comfort you as she drove up to the entrance of the stadium. Since you didn’t have a car, she’d offered to drop you off. Out of the kindness of her heart, she even gave you a full pep talk on the way.
You sighed, sinking further into the passenger seat. "I just don’t get why you can’t take the day off and come with me," you murmured.
Rolling her eyes, Yuko shot you a look. "Y/N, I have another job. I don’t exactly have the luxury to tag along with you today.”
You knew about Yuko's other job. She had told you just yesterday when you asked her to come with you. Still, the idea of navigating a building packed with thousands of people on your own felt overwhelming.
"As much as I love you, Y/N... you need to get out of my car. I'm going to be late," Yuko said, leaning over to push open the passenger-side door.
The word love made you flinch slightly. You weren’t used to hearing it, at least not like that.
"Yuko..." you mumbled, watching her gesture impatiently at the open door.
"Y/N, you’re going to be fine," she said with a firm but reassuring tone. "Just ask someone for directions!"
You hesitated for a moment before sighing. "Fine. Since when did you want me gone so badly?" you asked, feigning offense as you shot her a playful glare.
"Ever since you started making me late!" Yuko shot back, her voice exasperated but light. "Come on, Y/N!"
She kept nudging you to get out, her urgency growing by the second. Despite yourself, you couldn’t help but laugh a little as you finally stepped out of the car.
"Okay, okay!" you chuckled softly as you finally stepped out of Yuko's car.
You shut the door with a solid slam and turned toward the stadium entrance. Glancing back one last time, you caught Yuko waving at you before she drove off. A frown crept onto your face as your attention shifted to the massive doors ahead.
Taking a deep breath, you stepped inside. Instantly, it felt as though someone was twisting your insides. The nerves hit hard.
You wandered through the bustling halls, clutching your ticket like it was a lifeline. But the moment you found your seat, it was like someone flipped a switch. All those negative emotions—gone, replaced by excitement and anticipation.
_______
“GO SAE!" you shouted along with the crowd as he made a goal, cupping your hands around your mouth as if that would make your voice reach him. Deep down, you knew he couldn’t possibly hear you over the deafening roar of the fans chanting his name.
Still, you couldn’t help but grin. You hadn’t expected to enjoy this, not really. But here you were, caught up in the moment, cheering louder than you thought possible.
You smiled, your gaze fixed on the prodigy dominating the field. Admiration filled you, though you couldn’t tell if it was just for his skill—or if there was something more.
From your reserved seat—the one he had bought for you—you watched him intently. And then his eyes found yours.
Your breath hitched as Sae locked eyes with you. The moment stretched, and the longer it did, the warmer you felt, your cheeks heating under his piercing stare. Was that a good thing?
Your palms grew clammy, your heart racing wildly in your chest. And then, just as you thought the intensity might be too much, he smirked. It was a sly, almost teasing look, as if to say, Did you see that?
Your eyes widened slightly as you took in his expression. For the first time, you saw something beyond boredom or disinterest—even anger—on his face. It was subtle, but it was there—a spark of something you couldn’t quite name.
Still, you preferred this over his usual expressionless gaze. That smirk, that piercing look—it made you feel something.
But as much as you enjoyed it, you hated it too. It felt familiar, painfully so. And familiar wasn’t safe. It was dangerous.
You’d felt this way before, and it hadn’t ended well. It left you shattered, broken in ways you swore you’d never let happen again. You couldn’t afford to risk those consequences a second time.
Forcing yourself to breathe deeply, you tried to steady your thoughts, keeping your composure as you held his gaze. Part of you wanted him to look away, to release you from the unspoken tension. Yet another part... didn’t.
It was as if the gods decided for you when Sae finally turned his attention back to the field.
You exhaled sharply, feeling your heart begin to slow. But even as relief washed over you, those lingering feelings—the ones you tried so hard to suppress—still churned within, refusing to let go.
It seemed these lingering "feelings" would take their time to fade, refusing to settle easily.
_______
“Come on, just give me your number, pretty boy!"
Sae didn’t even acknowledge the man’s bold remark, brushing it off as if it hadn’t been said.
Your attention shifted to the source of the comment—a guy with blond hair, the tips dyed pink. He stood out, to say the least. Odd, maybe, but he certainly wasn’t shy.
The game was already in its second half, and you felt more alive and energized than ever. You never imagined you’d enjoy something like this—not in a million years.
The next match was about to start, and you could feel the tension crackling in the air. It radiated from the players on the field and the roaring crowd around you.
They were tied.
This next goal could decide it all.
You sat on the edge of your seat, anticipation coursing through you. Deep down, you hoped for U-20 to win.
Not that you cared too much about the outcome—your loyalty was simple. Sae was on U-20, and he was the only reason you even knew about the team.
Your eyes widened as the player named Shidou seamlessly linked up with Sae. Together, they were nothing short of monsters. Their aggressive, fast-paced gameplay was unmatched, almost unreal. With every precise pass and powerful stride, they closed in on the goal.
But fate had other plans.
In a sudden turn of events, Blue Lock Eleven intercepted the ball. Before you could fully process what was happening, a player named Isagi launched the final shot.
The ball hit the back of the net.
For a heartbeat, the stadium fell silent. Then, chaos erupted—screams, cheers, and a deafening roar from the crowd.
You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. The tension had gripped you so tightly it felt as though the game had you in a chokehold. It was exhilarating—every second of it.
As the crowd began to disperse, you quickly gathered your belongings. But before heading out to meet Yuko, you decided there was one thing you had to do. You needed to see Sae.
Walking down the hallways, you peeked into every room, hoping to find Sae in one of them.
By the time you reached the last door, there was still no sign of him. Where the hell was he?
Letting out a frustrated huff, you pulled your head back and turned to leave. But before you could take another step, you bumped into someone.
"Ah—I'm sorry! Please forgive me, I wasn't paying attenti—"
"Do you always apologize this much, or what?"
You froze. That voice—of course, you knew that voice.
Your head snapped up, and sure enough, there he was. Sae.
"Oh, it’s just you," you said, letting out a breath. "I’ve been looking for you."
"For what?" Sae asked, his sharp gaze fixed on you, his tone as unreadable as ever.
Was he really this dense?
"To congratulate you. Why else?" you said, arching a brow at him.
Sae locked eyes with you, and once again, your heart betrayed you, picking up speed as the silence stretched. Finally, he spoke.
"What’s there to congratulate? We lost," he said flatly.
"Still, you played well," you replied earnestly.
"I guess," Sae muttered, his tone dismissive.
Your jaw tightened. Somehow, he always found a way to get under your skin.
"Could you show a little more gratitude than just ‘I guess’?" you grumbled, shifting your weight onto one foot, irritation bubbling over.
"And what do you want me to say?" he asked, his sharp eyes glancing over your figure.
"A simple ‘thank you’ would be nice," you shot back, your tone dripping with frustration.
Sae stood there, quiet for a moment. Then, in a low voice, he murmured, "Thank you."
It wasn’t much, but it was enough to catch you off guard.
You couldn’t help but smile at his response. “That’s much better. See? It wasn’t that hard, was it?” you teased, your smile unwavering.
Sae took in your smile, then shot back with a snarky reply, “What, do you want me to pick an answer that’ll satisfy you?”
Your smile faltered, and you stared at him, baffled. What was his deal? “Never mind... forget I said anything,” you muttered, letting out a sharp sigh.
A heavy silence fell between you both. It lingered, uncomfortable, as neither of you knew what to say next.
Just as you were about to break the silence, Sae spoke first
“Its best if i get goi-“
“Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”
Sae quickly mumbled as he cut you off, his voice quieter than usual, almost as if he regretted asking.
You blinked, stunned, processing his words slowly. “Huh?” you whispered, your heart skipping a beat. It took a moment for the question to fully sink in. Did he really just ask you that?
Did Sae Itoshi—the Sae Itoshi—just ask you out to dinner?
You stood there, unsure whether you had heard him correctly, your mind racing. Sae, the same guy who had been so indifferent and sharp with you, was now asking you to dinner? The idea felt so out of place, yet somehow, it didn’t seem like a joke.
The silence stretched again, and you wondered if he was waiting for your response.
“Uh, Sae, can I ask why?" you muttered, still reeling from shock.
Sae let out an irritated grumble before responding. "I said it before, didn’t I? You’re the only person who doesn’t go crazy over me. Is it wrong to want some company?" His tone made it clear he was turning this back on you.
"Well, not exactly, no—"
"Then why is it such a problem for you?" he interrupted sharply.
You stood there, staring at him, utterly confused. Why was he blaming you now?
"It’s not a problem," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "It’s just… surprising, that’s all."
But Sae wasn’t ready to let it go. "Why is it such a shocker?" His agitation was growing more obvious.
"It’s not—actually, never mind," you sighed, feeling the frustration creeping in.
You knew this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and continuing would only make things worse.
Sae let out a satisfied hum, as if your response had confirmed everything he wanted to hear.
Silence crept back in, heavy and uncomfortable. You shifted your gaze elsewhere, refusing to look at him. Something about meeting his eyes made your stomach swirl uneasily.
It was the opposite for Sae, though. His piercing gaze stayed locked on you, sharp and unrelenting like a hawk stalking its prey. He hadn’t looked away from you once.
"So? Your answer?" Sae’s voice cut through the quiet, calm yet demanding.
You responded quickly, almost too quickly. "Uh, yeah. I can. Sure.
Sae's eyes narrowed slightly. You hadn’t even looked at him when you spoke, and for some reason, that ticked him off.
"Why don’t you look at me when I’m talking to you?" he asked, his voice laced with irritation. It was clear he wasn’t just annoyed—he was genuinely angry.
Wow. What a way to cross boundaries, huh?
Still, he had a point.
Why weren’t you looking at him? Why did your palms feel clammy when he stood so close? Why did your heart race like it was trying to escape your chest? Why were you all fidgety?
It couldn’t possibly mean you liked him.
No, of course not. You were just… nervous. Right?
It had to be nerves. This was the longest time any guy had spoken to you, after all. Most of them usually got what they wanted and left.
Actually, thinking about that now made you feel ridiculous—like you were some kind of attention seeker.
Or maybe it was because you felt so small, so insignificant, under the weight of his gaze. His presence was overwhelming, suffocating—a constant reminder of how much larger than life he was. A big shot. Someone untouchable.
And yet, that only made you feel more pathetic.
But what did you really feel?
Maybe—just maybe—he had grown on you. Maybe you had caught feelings. But was it because he stayed longer than anyone else ever had? That thought alone made you feel queasy. It felt wrong.
Desperate.
Attention seeker.
The words echoed in your mind like a cruel whisper. You hated the sound of it. You didn’t want that to be the truth.
But what if you did like him? What if it wasn’t just nerves, or loneliness, or some desperate grasp at the closest thing to affection?
You’d considered the possibility, of course. You weren’t naïve enough to ignore it. But you refused to let it be true.
You weren’t ready—not for this, not for him, not for the chance of heartbreak all over again.
You’d been through it countless times before. And you weren’t sure you could survive it again.
If that’s how you felt—if you really did like him—but he ended up taking what he wanted and leaving like all the others… would you even be able to pick up the pieces this time?
The thought alone was unbearable, and it crushed any shred of hope you might have clung to.
It dampened your mood, dragging it into a deeper, darker place. You wanted to pull back, retreat while you still could. But it was too late now.
"Did you even hear me? What’s up with you and being deaf?"
His sharp tone cut through your thoughts, snapping you back to the present. The weight of your emotions dulled, if only for a moment, as irritation took their place.
"I'm not deaf," you muttered, your voice dripping with frustration.
"I doubt that," Sae shot back without missing a beat.
Resentment bubbled inside you, but before you could fully process it, Sae’s voice broke through again. "At least you’re looking at me now."
That stopped you cold.
He was right. You were looking at him now.
Your emotions screeched to a halt, forced into submission by the weight of his words. You didn’t even realize when you’d started meeting his gaze, but now there you were, staring back at him.
It felt like standing in the middle of a battlefield, with nowhere left to run.
"That aside, what time should I pick you up?" Sae asked casually, as if the question was of no real importance to him.
Your eyes widened. Right… you’d agreed to the dinner he offered.
"Uh… anytime in the afternoon is fine," you mumbled, struggling to find your voice.
"5:30 then?" he suggested, his tone as nonchalant as ever.
"Yeah, that should work," you nodded, quickly running through your mental schedule.
"See you on Sunday, then," Sae said abruptly before turning on his heel and walking off, his dismissal clear.
"Yeah… Sunday," you murmured softly, even though you knew he couldn’t hear you. He was already out the door.
The moment he left, you let out an exhausted sigh, your body finally relaxing. You hadn’t even realized how stiff you’d been.
But before you could fully unwind, your phone buzzed in your pocket. With a weary hand, you pulled it out, unsure of what—or who—was waiting for you now.
"Yuko 🤡."
The contact name flashed across your screen, pulling you out of your thoughts. Right—Yuko was supposed to pick you up.
You stared at the screen for a moment before silencing the call, deciding not to answer. There wasn’t much to say anyway, and your head felt too cluttered to hold a conversation right now.
Shoving the phone back into your pocket, you hurried toward the exit. Each step felt heavier than the last, as if the weight of the earlier exchange with Sae was dragging behind you.
You needed air. You needed to think. And maybe—just maybe—a way to stop the relentless pounding in your chest.
_______
As you stepped out of the building, the familiar sound of Yuko’s voice greeted you.
"Why didn’t you answer my call?!" she exclaimed, leaning halfway out the driver’s side window, her dramatic tone impossible to miss.
You rolled your eyes, suppressing a tired smile. "What about it? I’m here now, aren’t I? Be grateful I even saw your call."
Yuko gasped, hand to her chest as if deeply offended. "The audacity!"
You chuckled softly, shaking your head as you opened the car door and slid into the passenger seat. Her over-the-top antics were a welcome distraction from the weight still lingering in your chest.
"Sooo," she began, eyes glinting with curiosity as she waited for the seatbelt to click, "how was the game?"
"It was good," you replied, sinking into the seat as the exhaustion caught up to you. "Better than I expected."
Yuko hummed, pulling onto the road, but her sideways glance told you she wasn’t entirely convinced by your answer.
"Better than you expected, huh? Was it because Sae Itoshi was there?" Yuko teased, her grin wide as she navigated the familiar route to your beloved sanctuary—home.
You groaned, tilting your head against the seat to glare at her. "No, it wasn’t just because he was there," you grumbled, your tone sharp enough to match your annoyance.
"Oh, really? Well, if you say so…" she chuckled, clearly not buying it.
"Believe what you want, Yuko," you huffed, rolling your eyes. You knew she wouldn’t let it go, but you were too drained to argue.
"Okay, okay," she said, feigning surrender before flashing you another sly glance. "So, if it’s not because of Sae—according to you—what made it better than you expected?"
Her words hung in the air for a moment.
You hesitated, staring out the window as you mulled over her question. The truth was painfully obvious: it was mostly because of Sae. But you’d rather bite your tongue than admit that out loud.
Finally, you hummed, masking your thoughts. “The players were really skilled, and the game was super intense. I was honestly very impressed by their amazing footwork.”
Yuko raised an eyebrow, sparing you a glance as she drove. "Mmm-hmm. Sure, it was all about their footwork," she said, her tone dripping with playful disbelief.
You crossed your arms and leaned back, determined to let the conversation end there. At least, that’s what you told yourself.
You weren’t lying about the players’ skill. They really did keep you on the edge of your seat, and the game had been incredible.
"But damn… now you’re making me regret not going," Yuko groaned, dramatically slumping her head onto the steering wheel. Luckily, you were stopped at a red light. "Having more than one job sucks!"
You laughed, unable to help yourself. "It was a fun game," you admitted, watching her over-the-top display.
Yuko sighed heavily, the light turning green as she straightened up and began driving again. "Rub it in why don’t you," she muttered, though her grin betrayed her fake annoyance.
It didn’t take long for the car to fill with her usual nonsense—playful jabs, ridiculous theories, and random observations that seemed to come out of nowhere.
You quarreled the whole way home, with her spouting dumb, shitty jokes and exaggerated stories, while you did your best to tolerate it—barely. Still, there was a comfort in the banter, her chatter distracting you from the quiet heaviness that had lingered after Sae.
By the time you pulled into your driveway, you felt lighter, even if just a little.
…🌺…
Seeing the taillights of her car disappear into the night, you let out a heavy sigh and dropped onto the couch. The weight of the evening pressed down on you as you tossed the apartment keys onto the coffee table. The sharp jingle and dull clack of metal meeting wood cut through the silence, a momentary distraction as you sank deeper into the plush cushions.
Your expression darkened, a frown tugging at the corners of your lips. Why? Why was it always Sae that haunted your thoughts, filling your mind with questions you didn’t want to answer? No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t shake the lingering echoes of your earlier conversation with him.
The date you’d agreed to—it was just two days away. The thought twisted your stomach into knots. You wanted to back out, to call it off before it began, but the idea of standing someone up felt even worse. Disappointment was something you despised, even more so when you were the one responsible for it.
A frustrated groan escaped your lips as you buried your face in your hands, rubbing at your skin with rough, almost punishing force. Agitation bubbled beneath the surface, a bombardment of emotions you couldn’t quite name. The room felt suffocating, the silence too loud, and yet all you could do was sit there, wrestling with a decision you didn’t know how to make.
You dropped your hands into your lap, staring blankly ahead as your thoughts swirled like a relentless storm, each one louder and more suffocating than the last. The idea of possibly liking him—or worse, getting attached—clawed at your mind. It was a question you couldn’t stop asking yourself, no matter how much you wanted to bury it.
You clung to the hope that it was merely the second option, attachment. Even though you despised both possibilities, the latter felt like the safer bet. Safer, because it didn’t require vulnerability. Safer, because it didn’t come with the promise of heartbreaking pain.
But the thought of giving yourself to someone—as a lover, as a partner—sent a wave of nausea through you. It was too much. The mere idea of trusting someone with the fragile pieces of your heart again was unbearable. You’d rather push them away, let them detach cleanly and painlessly, than risk being left exposed, broken, and abandoned once more.
Hope? No, that was long gone. It had slipped through your fingers like sand, scattering into nothingness long before tonight. You had stopped believing in the gentle caresses and warm embraces of true love. Those things weren’t meant for you. They were for people who hadn’t already been shattered. People who hadn’t spent years picking up pieces they could never fit back together.
You slumped further into the couch, letting the weight of that realization press down on you. The silence wrapped itself around your thoughts, heavy and suffocating, as the void within you grew wider. If love had ever been a possibility, it wasn’t anymore. And you’d made peace with that. Or so you told yourself.
…🌺…
As the hours passed, your anxiety and stress got worse.
You were basically going to have a ‘date’ with Sae in less than 24 hours. And of course with the weight of this realization—it didnt help as Yuko was nagging your ear off as usual.
”Oh come on Y/n, are you even listening to me?”
“Sorry Yuko, what was that?”
You were pulled away from your thoughts as Yuko called you out.
Yuko gave you a slight scowl before returning to her unnecessary speech. However, as soon as she started speaking, your mind subconsciously ignored her words as you began to think about it Sae once more.
It started to become a habit now—thinking about Sae. It was indeed a troublesome habit you’ll admit, but you couldn't help it.
It’s weird. A guy with few words who started showing up at the place you worked at not that long ago—now starting to take such an impactful and heavy toll on you? It was something you could have never predicted.
“And then she thought it was a good idea too—Y/n!” Yuko shouted, grabbing your attention once more.
Your gaze snapped back to Yuko as you were met with an angry look. “Sorry Yuko.” you apologized.
“Are you serious Y/n? Is my story not that entertaining to you?” Yuko spoke as she took a step closer.
“No that's not it all. It's just…somethings been on my mind lately.” you spoke earnestly.
“Spill.” She demanded, not wasting a breath.
You let out a soft chuckle at her antics as you basically gave her a rundown on the encounter with Sae.
_______
“Y-You mean…its an actual DATE?!” Yuko shouted as a very unnatural, wide grin overtook her face.
“Uh I guess..” you sweatdropped, taking a step away from Yuko.
Yuko squealed like a fangirl as she ran up to you, squeezing the life out of you as she gave you her signature hug, pushing your face down to the plush of her breasts.
“Yuko! That's enough…” You mumbled out as she had you caged in.
Yuko reluctantly let you go as she gave you some space.
“Y/n, I told you. WHAT DID I SAY FROM THE BEGGINING! This man is into you! And its Sae Itoshi out of all these men!
“Yuko…its just a friendly date. He's not into me like that…I think.” You spoke with a bit of uncertainty.
“Why are you in denial Y/n?! I have never heard from the media or anywhere of Sae Itoshi inviting a girl he just met not that long ago to dinner just for ‘friendly talk’. I am telling you he's into YOU!” Yuko rambled on, getting some sense into your head.
“Yuko…i think your overlooking this maybe a bit too much,” you mumbled as you tried to drop Yuko’s accusations.
Yuko paused. She slowly turned her head towards you with a deadpan expression. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
“Y/n…are you fucking serious right now?” Yuko spoke with an alarming calm tone.
Yuko took a couple step towards you as she stared you down. An unreadable glint flashed in her eyes as she stood quiet. “If I could Y/n…i would beat you senseless if it means I can finally get this through your head. Its a shame I love you too much to do that.” Yuko finally spoke as she let out a sigh.
“Do I take that as a threat or…” you mumbled, slightly startled by her actions and words.
“Nope!” Yuko chuckled as she stepped away from you. “Ill let you be Y/n. But trust me when I say he’s interested.” Yuko voiced as she looked at you.
“How can you be certain though Yuko?” you spoke.
Yuko smiled at you before she left. Her steps slowly receding as she gave you one last glance before leaving you to do your job. “I know men, Y/n.”
…🌺…
“I'll pick you up. What's your address?"
"It's *****”
"Alright. I'll be there in about 10 minutes."
You set your phone down on the nightstand, releasing a shaky exhale. Even texting Sae was nerve-wracking.
Rising slowly from the couch, you headed into your bedroom to give yourself one last look in the mirror. You didn’t want to seem underdressed—not for a date with Sae. Oh, especially not with the Sae Itoshi.
Dragging your feet across the creaking floorboards, you pushed open the bedroom door. You stopped short in front of the full-length mirror, taking a moment to steel yourself.
You stared at yourself, your own reflection staring back. But the image before you felt foreign, like a mask you no longer recognized. The girl in the mirror seemed whole, unbroken, but you knew better—everything she showed was a lie. Beneath her composed surface was the weight of every heartbreak, every whispered promise that shattered like glass.
You saw your past in her eyes, a pool of anguish and betrayal. Men who touched but never stayed, who spoke of love yet only took what they wanted—leaving nothing but fragments of yourself behind. They had used you, consumed you, and discarded you, their intentions never pure, their affection hollow. You craved love, dreamed of it as something beautiful, but each experience taught you the same painful truth: love wasn’t real. It was an illusion, a cruel trick life played to make you believe in something that didn’t exist.
And yet, as much as you wanted to give up, as much as the mirror whispered that hope was foolish, you couldn’t stop the ache. The craving for love was carved within you. You wanted to be held, cherished, seen—not for what you could offer, but for who you were. But with each passing day, fear groped tighter around your heart. What if love would only break you again? What if the cost of trying was more than you could bear?
You longed for someone to prove you wrong, to show you love wasn’t just a fantasy crafted by movies and books. But even that hope felt dangerous. Could you risk it? Could you open the door to your heart one more time, knowing it could destroy you if it all fell apart again? If someone could rewrite what love means to you, would you let them?
It was odd. Very odd, indeed, that in the midst of such vile and upsetting thoughts, Sae appeared in your mind.
But why?
Why was it him who came to mind?
You’d only known the guy for barely two months. Was that really enough time to feel yourself growing... attached? The thought was confusing—so confusing it made your head spin.
A frown crept across your face. Yes, confusing was the perfect word. It was almost impossible to imagine Sae and love in the same sentence. The word felt foreign and distant, like it belonged to a language you could never hope to understand.
The sudden chime of your doorbell snapped you out of your thoughts. Sae was here. How much time had passed?
You grabbed your belongings in a rush, practically stumbling to the front door. Pausing for a moment, you let out a deep breath, steadying yourself. The nerves were hitting you like a shit ton of bricks, threatening to overwhelm you.
But you could manage. At least, you hoped you could.
You opened the door, and there he was—Sae Itoshi, standing casually yet exuding that air of quiet confidence he always seemed to carry.
Your eyes trailed over his figure, taking in his outfit: a brown blazer layered over a plain white T-shirt and a pair of fitted black pants that somehow managed to look both fitted and effortlessly relaxed.
As you took in his appearance, it seemed he was doing the same to you.
“You actually look decent for once. I was half-expecting your outfit to be as bad as those crappy work uniforms,” Sae remarked, his tone as dry as ever.
Of course. Not a single day passed without at least one of his signature insults.
“Thanks. You don’t look bad yourself,” you muttered, biting back your irritation—a skill you’d honed to near perfection in these past two months.
Sae let out a low hum, a sound that could almost be mistaken for agreement. The corners of his lips tugged upward ever so slightly, a ghost of a smile flickering across his face. “The car’s outside. Let’s go.”
You gave a short nod and stepped out, pausing only to lock the door behind you. The cool night air greeted you as you followed him down the path, nerves still fluttering in your chest but your steps steady enough to keep up.
You followed behind Sae as he led the way to his car, his confident strides making it clear he expected you to keep up. When you reached the sleek vehicle, he headed straight for the driver’s side without so much as a glance in your direction.
What a gentleman.
Suppressing an irritated sigh, you opened the passenger door yourself and slid into the seat. As you settled in, your gaze drifted—unbidden—to Sae. His hands, calloused and veined, gripped the handle firmly as he opened his door. Slim, strong, and steady, they were surprisingly... attractive.
A sudden warmth rushed to your cheeks, and you blinked, snapping yourself out of it. Really? Were you seriously paying attention to his hands? This wasn’t like you. But, embarrassingly, you could now understand Yuko’s endless rants about the appeal of a man’s hands.
You shook the thought away, pressing your lips into a thin line as Sae slid into the driver’s seat. He shot you a brief glance, his teal eyes sharp, curious, but ultimately uninterested enough to probe further.
“So, uh... you have a destination in mind?” you asked, your voice cutting through the awkward silence.
“Of course. I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t have a place in mind, would I?” Sae replied, his tone matter-of-fact as he started the car.
“Yeah...” you mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed by your question. Why was it always so hard to hold a normal conversation with this man?
The drive was quiet at first, the low hum of the engine filling the space. But you couldn’t help noticing Sae glancing at you every so often, his teal eyes flicking toward you before quickly returning to the road. It wasn’t subtle—he was clearly taking in your appearance.
The attention made you squirm slightly in your seat, the silence growing heavier with every glance. Finally, you broke it. “Do I have something on my face or...?”
Sae’s gaze shifted fully to you for a brief moment, his expression calm but entirely unreadable. Caught in the act, it seemed. “No,” he said, his voice as smooth and detached as always. “I’m just... still surprised you managed to look this put together outside of your uniform.”
“Put together?” you repeated, eyebrows raising as you tried to determine whether or not to be offended.
“Yeah. You look good.”
The words landed like a wave out of the blue. Your eyes widened, and an undeniable blush crept across your cheeks.
Sae Itoshi—the Sae Itoshi—just said you looked good.
You opened your mouth, searching for a response, but nothing came out. All you could do was turn your gaze toward the window, attempting to hide the warmth that flooded your cheeks. Meanwhile, Sae returned his attention to the road, his expression as unreadable as ever, as if he hadn’t just sent your heart racing.
Your stomach churned, a confusing mix of queasiness and ecstasy, while your heart hammered relentlessly in your chest. You hated it—and enjoyed it at the same time.
Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Sae glancing at you through the faint reflection in the window. A quiet chuckle escaped his lips, low and rich, breaking the silence in the car.
The sound sent a shiver down your spine. It was a rare, almost musical laugh that you hadn’t heard from him before.
Your ears perked up instinctively, and before you could stop yourself, you turned to look at him. Sae’s face, usually so composed and indifferent, held the faintest trace of a smile. The corners of his lips curved softly, and even his sharp teal eyes seemed to soften, crinkling ever so slightly with the expression.
His smile—rare and beautiful—was utterly mesmerizing. His smile resembled something of a masterpiece, delicate and breathtaking, like standing before the most sacred painting in a museum. The kind of art that pulls you in, making the world fade around you, leaving only the singular beauty in front of you. The curve of his lips, the gentle crinkle at the corners of his eyes, the faintest hint of warmth softening his usually stoic expression—it all felt impossibly sacred. It was the kind of sight that engraved itself into your memory, refusing to be forgotten.
"You laughed," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath, as if speaking too loudly would shatter the fragile perfection of the moment. Your gaze stayed fixed on him, wide-eyed and awestruck, unable to look away.
His expression shifted, the corners of his mouth faltered yet still tilted upward, though now tinged with faint curiosity at your reaction. You barely noticed. The sight of him like this—so unguarded, so human—had stolen every ounce of your focus, making your chest ache with something you couldn’t put into words.
“Am I not allowed? Why is it such a shock to you that I can smile?” Sae asked, the same soft expression lingering on his face as he spoke.
Your face flushed with embarrassment. “No, that’s not what I meant! It’s just... I’ve never seen you make any expression other than annoyance or indifference,” you said earnestly, your words tumbling out before you could stop them.
Sae tilted his head slightly, as though your statement was absurd. “I’m not some expressionless robot. You do realize that, right?” he replied, his usual sarcasm laced with a surprisingly lighthearted tone.
Before you could open your mouth to defend yourself, his voice cut in again, smooth and unbothered.
“Well, would you look at that—we’re here.”
_______
The restaurant was... nice. No, very nice. The kind of nice that made you sit a little straighter in your chair and second-guess your outfit. Everything from the polished marble floors to the soft glow of chandeliers above screamed luxury. You couldn’t help but feel out of place.
You’d never set foot in a restaurant like this before—linen napkins folded like origami, waiters moving with the precision of dancers. It wasn’t hard to imagine that Sae frequented places like this. He looked perfectly at home, his tailored outfit exuding effortless sophistication. Even his so-called “casual” attire seemed worlds apart from your own, and the subtle glint of jewelry he always wore hinted at an expensive taste you couldn’t begin to comprehend.
"Have you decided what to order yet?" Sae’s calm voice broke through your thoughts. He was still scanning the menu, his expression unreadable as ever.
You glanced back at the glossy menu in your hands, the rows of elegant dish names doing little to help your decision. "No, not really," you admitted, glancing up at him. "Everything looks good. I can’t decide."
Sae set his menu down, his gaze shifting to you with that steady confidence of his. "Then order whatever you find even slightly appetizing," he said, as though it was the simplest solution in the world.
You hesitated, your eyes lingering on him as you wrestled with a pang of guilt. "Are you sure? Is that okay...?" you asked softly, your voice trailing off. The weight of the prices on the menu and the sheer grandeur of the place were making you second-guess everything.
"Y/n, I have more than enough to cover the meal," Sae said, his tone as casual as ever. He leaned back slightly, glancing around the restaurant with an almost bored expression. "I could buy this entire place if I wanted to."
Wow. Nothing quite like Sae's unintentional flexes to remind you just how wide the gap was between your lives. Standing next to him on any given day was enough to make you feel like an unemployed, wandering vagabond.
"Ah, right. I forgot how disgustingly rich you are," you grumbled under your breath, a sigh slipping past your lips as you slouched back into your chair.
He didn’t react, just offered you a faint shrug as if to say, Well, it’s true.
Soon enough, the waiter returned, and you gave your order, still feeling a pang of guilt for indulging in food you weren’t even sure you’d like. But as the thought lingered, you steeled yourself. Actually, no—screw the guilt. If Sae wanted to flaunt his wealth and bring you to a place like this, the least you could do was enjoy it. Think of it as compensation for dealing with his bluntness and lack of tact on a daily basis. Yes, this was your reward.
Still, the moments after the waiter left were... awkward. Sitting across from Sae in silence was like waiting for a storm that may or may not ever hit. The quiet wasn’t necessarily tense, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either. You debated pulling out your phone but ultimately decided against it. It would feel rude, and you weren’t about to be that person.
To your surprise, Sae broke the silence first.
"So," he began, his voice low but steady, "how was your day?"
You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift. "Uh... it was fine, I guess. Nothing exciting," you replied, wondering what had prompted him to initiate small talk.
He nodded, his gaze fixed on you in a way that made it clear he wasn’t just asking out of politeness. "Do you have any pets?" he asked next, his tone still casual but carrying a thread of genuine curiosity.
The question made you pause. This was... new. Sae wasn’t exactly known for his conversational efforts, and yet here he was, actively engaging. You decided to roll with it. "No, I don’t, but I’ve always wanted a dog," you admitted, a small smile tugging at your lips. "What about you? I can’t imagine you having time for a pet."
He shrugged again, the corners of his mouth twitching ever so slightly. "You’re right. Too much effort," he said simply, though there was a faint amusement in his tone.
The conversation had been flowing smoothly, surprisingly so, until Sae’s next question brought it to an abrupt halt.
"Have you dated anyone?" he asked, his voice casual but direct, the weight of his gaze making it impossible to avoid.
Your eyes widened slightly at the unexpected question, and for a moment, you froze. Quickly, you composed yourself, forcing a small, nonchalant smile onto your face. "Yeah, actually. I’ve dated a couple of people," you replied evenly, though your voice carried a faint tension that betrayed you.
Sae’s sharp eyes didn’t miss it. He wasn’t just observant—he was a prodigy at reading between the lines, piecing together the truths people tried to hide. The brief flicker of discomfort that passed over your face before you answered didn’t go unnoticed. He didn’t pry, though. Instead, he filed it away silently, as if respecting a boundary you hadn’t explicitly set.
"Well, what about you?" you asked, seizing the opportunity to shift the focus onto him. Your tone was light, almost teasing, though a part of you was genuinely curious. "Have you dated anyone?"
Sae leaned back in his chair, letting out a quiet hum as if considering how much he wanted to say. "Not really," he began, his tone even. "Just a couple."
You raised an eyebrow, surprised by his candor.
"The girls I dated were... aggravating," he admitted with a sigh, tilting his head back and closing his eyes briefly. His expression was calm, but the faint furrow in his brow suggested lingering annoyance. "They wanted too much. Too clingy, too demanding. I couldn’t stand it."
A small chuckle slipped past your lips, the sound light and unrestrained. "That’s surprising," you said with a laugh, covering your mouth with the back of your hand as if to stifle it.
Sae opened his eyes at your reaction, turning his attention to you. For a moment, he didn’t speak, his gaze steady as it lingered on your face. He studied you—the curve of your smile, the sparkle in your eyes that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Finally, he broke the silence. "How so?"
Your laughter quieted, but a playful smile lingered as you met his gaze. "Well, you don’t exactly look—or act—like the type of guy who indulges in relationships," you admitted, leaning back slightly in your chair.
Sae cocked an eyebrow, his expression unreadable at first. Then, a small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Really? That’s funny, because at first, you didn’t look like the type of girl to even know what a relationship is," he quipped, the smugness in his tone unmistakable.
You blinked, caught off guard by the remark, before narrowing your eyes at him. "Oh, come on," you muttered, deadpanning as you leaned forward. "That’s so unfair."
He chuckled softly, the sound rare but genuine, and you couldn’t help but feel the tension in your chest ease. "Jokes aside," he said, his smirk fading into something more sincere, "you’re quite the looker. You’re on the attractive side, you know." His tone was casual, but his gaze held steady, focused entirely on you. "I’m not really surprised you’ve been in relationships."
A faint blush spread across your cheeks as his words settled in, leaving you flustered in a way that made your heart race. Sae always had this way of throwing you off balance, his calm yet blunt remarks stirring a confusing mix of emotions. Why did he affect you like this? You glanced away shyly, mumbling, "Thanks, I guess... you’re not bad yourself."
You fiddled with the hem of your shirt beneath the table, trying to focus on anything but the heat rising to your face. But, of course, Sae couldn’t let you off that easily.
"I know I am," he said, his tone dripping with casual arrogance. "My looks are way above average, after all."
You snapped your head up at his words, a small grunt of frustration escaping your lips. Your narrowed gaze locked onto him. "You know," you grumbled, crossing your arms, "I liked it better when you were expressionless."
But even as the words left your mouth, you knew they weren’t true. If anything, you lived for the rare moments when Sae’s stoic mask slipped, revealing hints of his humor, his smugness, or even just his rare smiles.
Sae’s lips twitched slightly, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his mouth as he shrugged. "Life doesn’t always give you what you want," he remarked, his voice calm and measured but laced with the slightest tease. "Guess you’ll just have to deal with it."
The sheer smugness in his tone made your irritation bubble over, and an exasperated scoff slipped from your lips. You glared at him, but Sae remained unbothered, his smirk now fully formed as he leaned back in his chair.
He was enjoying this—enjoying the way he was getting under your skin, the way he could pull these reactions out of you so easily
After a round of playful—and not-so-playful—bickering, the food finally arrived.
The dishes were plated with such precision and artistry that they looked almost too good to eat. Almost. The aroma wafted up, rich and tantalizing, and your mouth watered instantly. Your excitement was palpable, your gaze flitting from one dish to the next as the waiters carefully placed them on the table. Words failed to describe the sheer joy your taste buds anticipated, and your expression said it all.
Sae glanced up from his plate, his eyes settling on you. A soft chuckle, barely audible, slipped past his lips as he took in the sight of your excitement. It wasn’t loud or mocking—more like a quiet, amused acknowledgment of how endearing you looked. From his perspective, it was as if this was your first real meal. He found himself wanting to memorize the moment, the way your eyes sparkled, your lips curving into an unconscious smile at the sight of the food.
You didn’t waste a second. Grabbing your utensils, you dug in, the first bite sending a wave of satisfaction through you. The flavors were indescribable—rich, balanced, and utterly heavenly. Each morsel seemed to melt in your mouth, and your body visibly relaxed with each bite.
Meanwhile, Sae hadn’t touched his food. He rested his chin on one hand, watching you with a soft, almost imperceptible smirk. He wasn’t sure what was more fascinating—the way you seemed utterly transported by the meal or the unguarded happiness on your face. You were like an open book in this moment, and he found himself… intrigued.
When you finally noticed his lack of movement, you paused mid-bite, narrowing your eyes at him. "What?" you asked, your voice muffled by food but still laced with suspicion.
Sae shook his head slightly, his smirk growing. "Nothing. Just… you really like your food, huh?"
"Of course, I do," you shot back, quickly swallowing so you could defend yourself properly. "It’s amazing! How are you not eating yet?!"
"I was just enjoying the view," he remarked casually, his tone as calm as ever, though his words carried a teasing edge.
Your cheeks flushed, and you glared at him. "Well, stop staring and eat your food before it gets cold," you muttered, your irritation half-hearted.
Sae finally relented, picking up his utensils and diving into his own meal. The two of you ate in companionable silence after that, the earlier tension easing into something more comfortable.
Between bites, your gaze flickered to him, catching the subtle way his posture relaxed, the way he seemed content. Maybe it was the food, or maybe it was the company, but the moment felt… nice. Natural.
And though neither of you said it aloud, the quiet comfort of eating together spoke volumes on its own.
…🌺…
"The food was great. I really enjoyed it," you said as the two of you walked toward his parked car. The evening air was cool, and the soft glow of the streetlights painted everything in a warm, muted hue.
Sae glanced at you, his hands casually tucked into his pockets. "It sure looked like you enjoyed it, considering the way you stuffed your face," he remarked, his tone as deadpan as ever.
Your face instantly flushed a deep red, embarrassment creeping up your neck. "Hey!" you shot back, turning toward him with wide eyes. "You can’t criticize me for that! This was… new to me! I was just… excited, okay?"
The words tumbled out in your attempt to defend yourself, but the more you spoke, the more you realized how ridiculous you sounded. You huffed, crossing your arms as you stole a glance at Sae, waiting for his response.
But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just looked at you, his expression softening as a warm, genuine smile spread across his face.
It caught you completely off guard.
The embarrassment that had been bubbling inside you vanished almost instantly, replaced by a strange, calming warmth. There was something about the way he smiled—rare and unguarded—that made everything else seem trivial. For a moment, it was just the two of you, standing there in the quiet evening, and all the teasing, awkwardness, and uncertainty faded away.
This whole evening had been… different. Odd, yes, but enjoyable in a way you hadn’t expected.
Sae opened the car door for you, gesturing for you to get in. As you slid into the passenger seat, you found yourself sneaking one last glance at him, his faint smile lingering in your mind.
Maybe this wasn’t just dinner. Maybe it was the start of something more.
_______
"That’s your apartment, right?" Sae asked, pointing toward the familiar building as he brought the car to a stop.
"Yeah," you replied with a nod, unbuckling your seatbelt and stepping out of the car.
To your surprise, Sae stepped out as well, his movements casual as he fell in step behind you. You turned to face him, your brows furrowing in confusion. "What are you doing?"
He met your gaze, hands shoved into his pockets, his tone as calm and nonchalant as ever. "Walking you to your apartment. Isn’t that how you’re supposed to treat a lady?"
You blinked, caught off guard by his unexpected reply. Of all the times for him to act like a gentleman, now was the moment he chose? His words felt both sincere and teasing, leaving you feeling both confused and slightly amused.
Shaking your head, a small laugh escaped your lips. "Whatever," you muttered, rolling your eyes but unable to hide your smile.
The two of you walked up to the building together. As you reached your door, you fished around in your pocket for your key. The sound of metal jingling filled the air as you finally pulled it out and unlocked the door, turning the key with a satisfying click.
Pushing the door open, you stepped inside and turned around, expecting Sae to leave. But he was still there, standing just outside the doorway, his expression unreadable.
The longer he stood there, the more awkward the moment became. You felt a twinge of guilt, unsure if he was waiting for something or simply being polite. After a beat of hesitation, you sighed and pushed the door open wider, gesturing for him to come in.
"You might as well come in," you said, your voice soft but resigned.
Sae raised an eyebrow, as if slightly amused by your reaction, but he didn’t say anything. With a small nod, he stepped inside, his presence instantly filling the space in a way that felt both strange and oddly comforting.
Sae kicked off his shoes at the entrance and stepped further inside, his eyes sweeping over the room. His gaze lingered on the various pieces of decor and furniture, taking everything in with an unreadable expression. One by one, his eyes moved from the small bookshelf in the corner to the slightly mismatched throw pillows on the couch. Finally, he spoke, his voice calm and measured. "So this is your apartment, huh? Cozier than I expected."
You turned your gaze sharply toward him, a familiar irritation bubbling within you. It seemed Sae had an unmatched talent for making even his compliments sound like backhanded remarks. "You always think so little of me, don’t you?" you grumbled, crossing your arms as you watched him continue his casual inspection of your space.
Sae glanced at you briefly, unfazed. "I judge based on what’s shown on the outside," he said with a shrug, his hands still buried in his pockets. His tone was neutral, almost indifferent, but you could sense a hint of teasing beneath it.
Letting out a sigh, you brushed past him and made your way to the couch, the plush cushions welcoming you as you sank into them. You stretched out slightly, the tension in your body melting away as you made yourself comfortable. "Well, I guess that makes you the ultimate judge of character, huh?" you muttered, your voice tinged with sarcasm.
You slouched into the couch, exhaling a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. The day had been long, but the quiet hum of the apartment seemed to melt the tension from your body. You turned your head, and your gaze was immediately captured by Sae's piercing teal eyes, watching you with a calm intensity.
A strange warmth bloomed in your chest, fluttering like an unspoken secret between you. "So," you started, your voice laced with casual curiosity as you fought to push the feeling aside, "why did you willingly step into my apartment? Not exactly your usual scene."
He tilted his head slightly, his expression unreadable as always. "Why not? I was bored." Sae's reply was as nonchalant as ever, but the way he strolled over to join you on the couch betrayed a certain comfort in being here. He sank into the cushions beside you, letting out the faintest of sighs, as if your living room had somehow become his sanctuary. "Besides," he added after a beat, "it was pleasant hanging out with you. I wasn’t ready for that to end yet."
His words struck you harder than you cared to admit, and a maddening blush began to creep up your cheeks. You quickly turned your head, a small, nervous laugh escaping your lips as you scrambled to keep your composure. "So, you're saying I'm fun to be around, huh?" you teased lightly, hoping the playfulness would mask the sudden erratic rhythm of your heart.
For a moment, Sae’s face remained impassive, but then a subtle smile curved his lips—rare and fleeting, like a secret he allowed you to glimpse. "More or less," he said, his voice low but tinged with an undeniable warmth.
The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. If anything, it felt charged, like the pause before a thunderstorm. You weren’t sure if it was the proximity, the way his knee almost brushed yours, or the way he looked at you as if he could see past every wall you’d carefully built.
"You’re full of surprises, Itoshi," you murmured, leaning back against the couch. The teasing edge in your voice was softer now, replaced by a quiet curiosity you couldn’t quite hide. "Never thought I’d hear you admit to enjoying anyone’s company."
He glanced at you, the corner of his mouth twitching as though considering whether to respond. Then, without warning, he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, his eyes locked onto yours.
"Maybe you’re an exception," he said simply.
The words hung in the air between you, heavy with implications you weren’t sure either of you were ready to unpack. Your heart skipped a beat, and for once, you didn’t have a clever retort.
The faint sound of rain began to patter against the window, filling the silence. You turned your gaze toward it, your mind racing. "Exception, huh?" you finally murmured, trying to sound indifferent, though your voice betrayed the faintest waver.
He didn’t reply immediately, and when you dared to glance back at him, you found him watching you again, his expression softer now. "You don’t have to overthink it," he said, his tone a touch gentler than before. "I just… didn’t feel like being alone today."
Something in his admission made your chest tighten, but instead of pressing him further, you simply nodded. "Well," you said lightly, offering him a small smile, "good thing you’re here, then. I wasn’t planning on being alone either."
The rain continued its rhythmic melody, and as the evening stretched on, the distance between you seemed to shrink, both physically and emotionally. Neither of you said much, but in the quiet company of one another, there was a sense of understanding that didn’t need words.
The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, the hum of the television filling the air. You glanced over at Sae, wondering what was running through his mind. After a moment, you decided to break the quiet.
"So, Sae," you began, your voice trying to sound casual. "Do you want to do anything, or...? I imagine you’re probably getting bored by now."
His eyes met yours, his gaze unwavering. He looked... contemplative, as if he were lost in thought about something important, though he didn’t seem eager to share.
"I’m fine," he mumbled after a long pause, though his words didn't match the slight tension in his expression. It was clear there was something on his mind, something weighing him down, but he wasn’t ready to say what it was.
You nodded, respecting his silence, and leaned back into the couch, glancing out the window. The evening sky was a soft mix of dark colors, but your mind kept drifting back to him. The way his demeanor shifted, how he seemed a little distant.
After a second, you decided to try again, pushing past the silence. "So, tell me about your career," you asked, your voice gentle but curious. "What’s it like—"
Before you could finish, Sae’s hand shot out, and in one swift motion, he grasped your chin, gently but firmly, and tilted your face towards his.
Your breath caught in your throat, and your heart skipped a beat. You were so close, your eyes wide in shock as you stared at him, feeling his breath against your skin. The moment hung between you like a fragile thread. You were frozen, not sure what was happening or what had made him do this.
He stared into your eyes, his gaze flicking briefly to your lips before meeting your eyes once more. Every movement of his felt deliberate, almost like he was studying you, and you couldn’t look away. It was as if the world had paused around the two of you, the silence between you thickening with each passing second.
You felt your heart pounding in your chest, its rapid beat deafening in your ears. It was as though your entire body was on edge, strung taut with anticipation, and yet you couldn’t move. You were frozen, caught in the intensity of the moment.
Sae shifted his grip, his fingers tracing your jawline before he cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing gently beneath your eye. The touch was soft, almost tender.
And that’s when you saw it—love.
You almost flinched at the thought. His eyes were so focused, so soft, as if they were seeing you in a way no one ever had before. There was something vulnerable in the way he looked at you, something raw.
Love?
The word echoed in your mind, heavy and foreign. You hadn’t used that word in so long, not with anyone. And certainly not with him. It was difficult to fathom that someone like Sae—so guarded, so distant—could feel that way, could look at you like this.
The panic started to rise in your chest. If this was what he felt—love—then what did that mean for you? For this? You weren’t sure if you were ready to love again. Not like this, not so suddenly, and not with someone who seemed so far removed from the idea of it.
It felt as though the weight of the world was pressing down on you, immense and overwhelming. Would you let him love you like this? Could you let him?
More importantly, could you let yourself love him?
You weren’t ready. Every thought in your mind screamed for you to pull back, to protect yourself from whatever this was. What if Sae broke you? What if you let yourself fall into this and it all came crashing down, just like before? You didn’t want to be broken again. You didn’t want to be tossed aside, left alone to pick up the pieces of a love that wasn’t real.
It hurt. The weight of your own fears, of what could happen, felt suffocating. You didn’t know what to do, torn between wanting to return his feelings and the fear of what would happen if you did. You wanted so badly to let love consume you, to let him pull you in, but you couldn’t ignore the voice that warned you against it.
What if he was just using you?
You couldn’t risk it. The idea of being hurt again, of losing yourself in someone else only to be discarded, was too much to bear. But still, the desire to let go, to give in, lingered within you like a quiet ache. Were you really this hopeless? Pathetic, even?
Tears threatened to spill as you felt Sae’s palm still resting against your face, his touch a tender reminder of everything you wanted but couldn’t allow yourself to have. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it was no use. The tears slowly began to fall, too overwhelming to hold back.
Sae’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of you, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, his other hand moved to cup the other side of your face, his touch gentle and careful, as though he was afraid of breaking you, too.
With a softness that took you off guard, Sae wiped away the tears that slipped down your cheeks, his fingers brushing lightly against your skin. You didn’t know what to make of it. It was so different, so unexpected. No one had ever been this gentle, this affectionate with you before, not in the way Sae was. His touch felt like he was holding you together, not pulling you apart.
Sae’s gaze softened as he looked at you, his eyes full of something you couldn’t quite place—gentleness, sincerity, something that made your heart flutter in spite of the walls you had built. "Y/n," he whispered, his voice calm, almost tender. "Please don’t cry."
Quiet tears continued to fall, each one carrying the weight of everything you’d been holding back for so long. His thumb gently traced your reddened cheek, and his face leaned in closer, his presence both soothing and overwhelming. The warmth of his touch felt so different—so real.
"You don’t have to cry," he murmured again, his voice low and soft, carrying an unmistakable sense of care. "Y/n… I don’t know what happened for you to tear up like this, but I promise you… whatever happened in the past, I won’t replicate it." His words were sincere, the kind of promise that, for a brief moment, made the pain inside you seem a little more bearable.
For a split second, you searched his face, desperately trying to find any hint of insincerity, any trace of deception hidden beneath the calmness in his eyes. But there was nothing—nothing that suggested he was lying. His tone was steady, unyielding.
Could you trust him? Could you really let him in?
The vulnerability he was showing, the way he was looking at you, it warmed your heart in a way that felt so foreign. So safe. It was everything you didn’t know you needed, and yet it was right in front of you.
"You promise…?" Your voice was small, shaky, as the uncertainty you’d been carrying for so long finally slipped into your words.
Sae’s eyes softened even more, and he lowered his gaze slightly, as if he could feel the weight of what you were carrying, of the hesitation in your voice. He didn’t speak for a moment, just letting the silence stretch between you two, as if understanding how deep the scars of your past must have been.
Whatever had happened to you, whatever pain you’d endured before—it had clearly left a mark on you. A deep, unhealed wound that made it hard to trust, to let anyone close. Sae understood that, and for the first time, you saw that in his eyes: understanding, not judgment. Compassion, not pity.
"Yes," he finally said, his voice firm but gentle. "I promise."
The sincerity in his words felt like a lifeline, like the first breath of air after being submerged in water for too long. And in that moment, despite the storm of emotions inside you, you allowed yourself to believe him. Maybe you didn’t have all the answers, but you could take this one step.
You could let him in.
(Song recommendation: Im Yours - Isabel LaRosa)
Sae's smile softened at you, a warmth in his gaze that spoke more than his actions ever could. Then, without a word, he leaned in, slowly pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was soft at first, gentle as though testing the waters, but it quickly deepened as his hands moved to the side of your neck, holding you closer, grounding you in the moment.
Your hands instinctively moved to his chest, resting against the firm muscles you could feel even through his clothes. The warmth of his body against yours was intoxicating, and you couldn't help but be drawn further into him.
For a moment, Sae pulled away, just enough to catch his breath, but his eyes never left yours. And then, just as quickly, he recaptured your lips in his, this time more urgent, more insistent.
His tongue gently brushed across your lips, a silent request, and you gasped, heart racing at the intensity of it all. He took that moment to slip his tongue into your mouth, and it was like electricity sparked between you. His tongue moved against yours in a slow, deliberate dance, each movement an invitation to fall deeper into him, into this moment.
Everything else faded away. The world outside, the thoughts racing through your mind—none of it mattered now. All that existed was the heat between you two, the closeness that felt like it had been building for so long.
Sae groaned softly into your mouth, his hand threading gently through your hair, tugging just enough to send a shiver down your spine. There was hesitation in the movement, as though he was aware of the fine line between desire and discomfort, but the tension in his touch made your pulse race.
The gentle tug on your hair pulled you back slightly, causing your lips to break apart for a fleeting moment. But before you could gather your breath, Sae's lips were back on yours, this time with a bit more force, more urgency. The kiss deepened, and the pressure pushed you slightly back onto the couch. Sae didn’t hesitate—he used the shift in position to his advantage, quickly climbing over you, his body covering yours, pinning you gently but firmly to the soft cushions beneath.
His legs shifted, placing themselves outside of yours, trapping you in place with a controlled intensity that made your breath catch. His chest pressed against yours, the warmth of his body melding with yours as you felt his weight settle over you.
After a moment, Sae reluctantly detached his lips from yours, his breath coming shallow and quick. He gazed down at you, his eyes no longer just filled with tenderness or care. There was something new there. Something darker, deeper. Lust.
His voice was soft, almost hesitant, but there was an undeniable edge to it. "Y/n... would you let me?" he murmured, his gaze never leaving yours, his body still hovering over you, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of him.
A wave of emotion swelled within you, something foreign and stirring. Sae had asked for permission—something none of the others had ever done. Usually, it was a matter of taking what they wanted without a second thought, but not Sae. His consideration, his respect, made you pause. Maybe this was different. Maybe this could be different.
Your heart fluttered, a warm smile spreading across your face as you met his gaze. "Yes, Sae. I will."
Sae’s smile mirrored yours, soft and genuine, before he placed a tender kiss on your cheek—a silent thank you. There was an unspoken understanding between you now, a connection that was more than just physical. It felt like trust, like a promise he was making without words.
He stood, slipping off his blazer with a fluid motion, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. Then, without hesitation, he pulled off his shirt, revealing his toned, muscular chest. The sight made your breath catch. He was... built. Strong, defined—everything about him was a reflection of strength, of control.
Your eyes lingered on his body, taking in every detail. You could feel the heat rise in your cheeks as you tried to focus, your heart racing in your chest.
Sae noticed your reaction, a playful chuckle escaping his lips. His eyes twinkled with amusement, yet there was something more behind his gaze, something deeper.
"Don’t worry," he murmured, his voice low and soothing, yet filled with a hint of confidence. "It’s all yours, Y/n. You’re going to have to get used to it."
Your cheeks burned with a deep blush at his words, but before you could process it fully, his lips were back on yours, pulling you into the kiss with a hunger that matched your own.
As the kiss deepened, your hands instinctively trailed up the firmness of his abs, feeling him shiver beneath your touch. The sensation of his skin under your fingertips made your pulse quicken. Sae groaned into your mouth, his tongue seeking entrance, and this time, you didn’t hesitate—your lips parted, allowing him to deepen the kiss.
It was a kiss that was both aggressive and tender. Sae’s neediness was noticeable, desperate even, but there was a gentleness in his touch, a carefulness that kept the intensity from crossing into something too overwhelming. He was savoring the moment, as if he was afraid of breaking something fragile.
His hand moved to the collar of your shirt, his fingers pausing, hesitating just for a brief second. He broke the kiss, his gaze locking with yours, silently asking for permission.
A soft laugh escaped your lips at the look in his eyes—this was different, this was him. There was no pressure, no rush. Just the quiet, mutual understanding between you two.
You nodded, giving him the confirmation he needed, and without another word, Sae yanked your shirt off in one swift motion, tossing it carelessly to the side.
Now, with both of you half-dressed, skin brushing against skin, the weight of the moment settled around you. Sae’s chest pressed against yours, his heartbeat as erratic as yours. The closeness was dizzying, but it felt right.
You shifted, slowly leaning up as you looked into his eyes, silently acknowledging what was next and what he wanted. Sae's gaze flickered down to you, a silent question in his eyes, asking if you were ready.
You nodded. Sae's hands trembled slightly as he reached behind you to unclasp your bra, the lacy garment falling away to reveal your perfect, plump breasts. His gaze raked over your exposed skin, drinking in every inch of you as he felt a familiar heat building low in his belly.
"Fuck, Y/N..." Sae breathed, his voice rough with desire. "You're so perfect."
He leaned down, his chest pressing against yours as he claimed your mouth in a bruising kiss. It was hungry and desperate, as if you were the only thing keeping him chained to this earth.
One large hand came up to cup your breast, thumbing over your nipple almost earnestly. Although being gentle, there was nothing gentle about the way he wanted to touched you - he wanted to possess you, to mark you as his and his alone.
A low groan escaped your lips at his touch, and Sae's cock twitched eagerly in response. The sound of your pleasure was like music to his ears, spurring him on.
Sae's hands continued their sensual massage of your breasts, thumbs circling your nipples until they pebbled beneath his touch. Each stroke of his fingers sent sparks of pleasure racing through your veins, stoking the fire building between your thighs.
Breaking away from your lips, Sae latched onto the smooth column of your throat, his mouth hot and demanding against your skin. He sucked and nipped, leaving a trail of marks in his wake as he made his way lower.
When he reached your breast, Sae took your nipple into his mouth, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud. He suckled greedily, the wet sound obscenely loud in the quiet room. Your back arched off the couch, a needy moan spilling from your lips.
He pulled off with a lewd pop, smirking up at you with pure, unadulterated lust. But there was something else in his eyes too - a tenderness, an adoration that made your heart skip a beat.
This time, you met his gaze head-on, not looking away. Because despite everything, despite the scars on your soul, you knew you were safe with him. Cherished.
Sae's smile widened as he took in the sight of you - flushed and panting, your body laid bare before him. He had done this, reduced you to a needy, senseless mess with just his hands and mouth.
"Look at you," he purred, fingers dancing along the hem of your pants. "So beautiful like this.”
He glanced up at you, seeking permission even in the heat of the moment. That was Sae - always making sure you were okay, that you wanted this as much as he did.
"Please," you breathed, lifting your hips in silent offering.
Something dark and possessive flashed in Sae's eyes as he slowly unbuttoned your pants, dragging the zipper down with agonizing leisure. He peeled the fabric away, leaving you clad in nothing but panties.
A noticeable dampness revealed your growing arousal, drawing Sae's attention. His breath hitched, his jaw tightening. An irresistible urge surged within him—he needed you.
Sae tossed your panties aside carelessly, leaving you completely exposed and vulnerable beneath his intense gaze. Every inch of your bare skin was on display for him, a feast for his hungry eyes.
Bending lower, he nuzzled into your inner thighs, kissing and licking a path towards your core. You trembled beneath him, hands fisting in the fabric as he inched closer to where you needed him most.
Your body jerked at the contact, instinctively trying to close your legs. But Sae's strong hands on your hips held you open, keeping you spread wide for his ministrations.
"Open for me, Y/N," he commanded, his voice a heady mix of sternness and care.
Obediently, you let your thighs fall open, granting him unrestricted access to your most intimate places. Sae grunted approvingly as he took in the glistening pink of your aroused sex.
Gripping your knees, he pushed your legs back and apart, forcing you into a position of total surrender. The new angle had your entrance on full display.
"So gorgeous, Y/n,” he murmured appreciatively. "And all mine."
Slowly, teasingly, he slid a single finger into your dripping core. Your back arched off the couch as pleasure sparked through you, a needy moan spilling from your lips.
Sae crashed his mouth to yours, swallowing your moans as he fingered you with increasing intensity. Your velvety walls gripped him like a depravity, fluttering and clenching around his plunging fingers.
"You're so tight," he grunted against your lips. “I enjoy it. Your’e so good to me Y/n.”
He curled them just right, rubbing mercilessly against that sensitive bundle of nerves deep inside you. Your hips bucked wildly, seeking more of that friction, chasing the pleasure only he could give you.
Sae obliged, plunging his fingers faster, harder, driving into your soaked heat with relentless precision. Lewd squelching noises filled the air as he fucked you with his hand, the vulgar sounds spurring him on.
"That's it, Y/n," he groaned roughly. "Gonna make you feel good.”
He could feel you tightening, your inner muscles starting to flutter and ripple around him. Your moans grew higher, needier, and Sae knew you were close.
Sae's fingers stilled as he felt your walls start to quaver, signaling your impending orgasm. He slowly withdrew his hand, denying you that release.
Your eyes fluttered open, hazy with need and confusion. "Sae? Why did you stop?" you murmured breathlessly.
He smirked down at you, his voice low and commanding. "Not yet, Y/N. I want to feel you come undone on my cock."
With quick movements, Sae unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants down, kicking them off impatiently. He stood before you, clad only in a pair of straining boxer briefs. The sizeable bulge at the front left no doubt as to his arousal.
You sat up slowly, eyes widening as you drank in the sight of his powerful body. Sae's smirk widened at your reaction. He grabbed your hips, pulling you flush against him as he guided your hands to the waistband of his underwear.
"Pull them down for me, Y/N," he ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument.
Trembling with anticipation, you hooked your fingers under the elastic and slowly dragged the fabric down.
Your eyes widened as Sae's impressive length sprang free, bobbing mere inches from your face. It was thick and heavy, the bulbous head already glistening with precum. A thrill of excitement mixed with nervousness raced down your spine. Could you really take all of that?
As if sensing your hesitation, Sae cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. "Don't worry, Y/n. You can handle it," he reassured, his voice a low rumble. "I'll start slow, ease you into it.”
He pushed you back onto the couch, his larger body covering yours. You felt trapped beneath him, pinned in place by his solid weight. Sae reached between your bodies, grasping his throbbing cock and giving it a few slow strokes.
Then, with agonizing leisure, he placed the tip against your entrance. You held your breath, every muscle tensing in anticipation. This was really happening.
"Tell me when, Y/N," Sae murmured against your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. "Remember, I'm yours. You're in control here."
He sealed his lips over yours in a long kiss, his tongue delving deep inside. You moaned into his mouth, your hands fisting in his hair as you lost yourself to the sensation.
When he finally pulled back, you were both panting harshly. Sae's eyes bore into yours, dark with desire but also filled with a tender understanding. He would follow your lead, let you set the pace.
All you had to do was say the word.
“Make me feel good, Sae," you breathed against his lips, pulling him in for a quick, heated kiss.
"Of course. Anything for you," he murmured back, a small smirk playing on his lips.
Sae's tip nudged against your entrance, teasing you. You squirmed beneath him, aching to be filled. His large hands gripped your hips, holding you steady as he slowly pressed forward.
"If you need me to pause at any point, just say the word," Sae reassured, his voice low and soothing. "You can tell me anything, and I'll do it. This is all about you, Y/N."
You nodded, trusting him. Then, with a slow, deliberate push, Sae sheathed himself inside you. A low groan rumbled from his chest as your velvety walls stretched to adjust his girth.
He gave you a moment to adjust, peppering kisses along your jaw and neck as he waited patiently. When he started to move, it was with shallow, careful thrusts. Each roll of his hips sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your core.
Sae's breath came in ragged pants as he pounded into you, his brow glistening with sweat. Each thrust drew a groan from his lips, especially when your walls clenched around his throbbing shaft.
"Fuck, Y/N... so tight," he grunted, his pace growing more erratic. "Feels…amazing”.
You could only moan in response, your head thrashing on the fabric of the couch as he hit that perfect spot inside you over and over. The wet slap of skin on skin filled the room.
"S-Sae," you gasped out, wrapping your legs around his waist.
His name coming from your lips made him eager, slamming into you with ease. The new angle had him nailing your G-spot with overwhelming precision, sending bolts of electric pleasure zinging through your nerve endings.
Sae's breath came in harsh, ragged pants as he pounded into you, chasing his rapidly approaching climax. The way your walls clenched around his throbbing shaft, the sting of your nails scratching his back, the breathy cries of his name falling from your lips - it was all driving him wild with lust.
"S-Sae..." you stammered out, your voice high and needy. "I'm so close..."
He could see it in the glazed look of your eyes, feel it in the way your body was starting to tremble and tighten around him. Sae knew he wouldn't last much longer either.
"Me too, Y/n," he grunted, his movements growing sloppy and erratic.
With a final, powerful thrust, he buried himself to the edge, grinding against your G-spot. At the same time, he reached between your bodies to circle your swollen clit with his fingers.
Sae let out a low, satisfied groan as he felt your warm essence dripping down his softening cock. With a final, shallow thrust, he pulled out completely, shooting his load onto your lower abdomen.
Exhausted, he collapsed on top of you, nuzzling his face between your breasts. His arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he caught his breath. You both lay there in the afterglow, the only sound the soft panting and huffing filling the room.
No words were spoken for a long moment, the silence comfortable and intimate. You gently ran your fingers through Sae's hair, massaging his scalp soothingly. He let out a contented hum, burrowing further into your embrace.
"Hey Sae..." you murmured softly, breaking the quiet.
"Hm?" he mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by your skin.
You bit your lip, suddenly feeling vulnerable. "Everything you said... did you mean it? About me being yours, and you wanting to take care of me and make me feel good?"
The words tumbled out in a rush, tinged with uncertainty. In the heat of passion, it had all seemed so real, so intense. But now, in the calm aftermath, doubt began to creep in.
Was it just dirty talk, empty promises made in the act of lust? Or had Sae truly meant every word, genuine in his desire to cherish and care for you?
You needed to hear him say it again, unclouded by the haze of sex. You had to know if this was something real, something that could grow into more than just a physical connection.
You held your breath, waiting for his response, your heart fluttering with a mixture of hope and fear.
Sae lifted his head from the plush of your breasts, his teal eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that stole your breath. "I meant every word, Y/N," he murmured, his voice low and earnest. "I'll take care of you, I promise."
A small, shy smile tugged at the corners of your lips, hope blooming in your chest. Sae's hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing tenderly over your cheekbone.
"I like you, Y/N. More than you know. Maybe even love,” he confessed, his gaze never wavering. "These past two months, spending every day with you at the bakery... I've fallen for you. Hard."
He let out a soft chuckle. "To be honest, you're the only reason I keep going there. Just to see you, to be near you, even if it's only for a few minutes."
Your heart swelled at his words, a warm sensation flowing through your entire being. This was everything you'd secretly hoped for, dreamed of, but never dared to believe could be real.
Until now.
Leaning into his touch, you let yourself get lost in the depths of Sae's eyes, seeing the sincerity and affection shining there. In that moment, you knew with absolute certainty what you wanted, what your heart craved.
You wanted this. You wanted him.
The walls you'd built around yourself, the barriers you'd made to keep people out and protect your fragile heart... they crumbled to dust, swept away by the force of your feelings for this incredible man.
Now, it was time to let him in, to entrust him with your heart and let yourself be loved in return. No more holding back, no more running from what you truly desired.
"Sae..." you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. "I... I think I'm falling for you too. I want this, I want you. I'm ready to let you in.”
You gazed up at Sae, your heart swelling with a love so profound it threatened to burst from your chest. In his warm teal eyes, you saw a reflection of everything you'd ever wanted, everything you'd been searching for all these years.
Comfort. Affection. Devotion. Love.
With Sae, you felt safe, cherished, whole. Like all the broken, jagged pieces of your soul had finally clicked into place, forming a beautiful painting of love and trust.
"Let me be in your life, Y/N," Sae murmured, his voice raw with emotion. "Let me love you, the way you deserve to be loved."
Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, overwhelmed by the depth of his words. How had you gotten so lucky, to find someone who saw past your walls, your wounds, straight to the tender heart underneath?
"And I shall let you love me, as I will love you, Sae," you whispered, a radiant smile blooming on your face.
This was everything you'd ever wanted, everything you'd never dared to dream possible. A love that healed, that uplifted, that made you feel invincible.
With Sae by your side, you finally felt complete. Like you'd found your home, your haven, your happily ever after.
"I'm yours," you breathed, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Now and forever."
Sae surged forward, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that poured every ounce of his love, his commitment, into the press of his mouth on yours. You melted into him, losing yourself in the exquisite taste of his devotion.
In that perfect moment, the rest of the world fell away. There was only you, only him, only the infinite love binding your hearts and souls together.
Forever and always.
a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long I didnt expect it to take a while😭
Btw sorry if the ending is rushed and crappy I just wanted to end it since it was getting too long. Plus…he was a bit too ooc for me🙁
I was originally going to make two parts but somehow I didn't so it took longer to post!!! I'm so sorry!!!
I should've made this a wattpad instead…yo wait hold up⁉️ I should make a wattpad‼️
Regardless…SAE IS SO FINE WHAT. He looks so scrumptious in these new bllk episodes😫 (Rin’s better tho. THE BETTER BROTHER!)
Yum😋
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velvetwyrme · 4 hours ago
Note
which deception would have an sti AND fuck cars?
in reference to: https://www.tumblr.com/penny-anna/767952128217104384/imagine-youre-a-mechanic-in-the-transformers?source=share
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okay. so. first off. anon, thank you for sending me this because the idea that you read that post and just went- "hey, you know who i should pose this question to?" and sent it to me- is hysterical and i lvoe u.
anyway theres also a Texty answer under the cut if you want to read that, because i genuinely DO have thoughts about this, but i wanted to draw that comic because this ask made me laugh very hard when i saw it in my inbox.
also, the thrilling conclusion of the comic answer:
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he fucked that car!!!!!!!
hi! Texty time. I think a lot of them would have/be one but not the other (either has a STI or is a Carfucker) but i included some of those here anyway because i think my thought process was funny for some of them. this is all purely my own opinions etc. etc. no basis for anything only vibes. i went through a lot of options and came to a lot of conclusions.
to reiterate the Chart for claritys sake:
Soundwave: No STI and no Carfucking. This is true across all versions of Soundwave imo. Rumble and Frenzy are a solid no on the STI front and a solid yes on the Carfucking.
Starscream: no STI, no Carfucking (despite what Soundwave thinks). TFP!Starscream specifically might have an STI though. Sorry man. Skywarp definitely has/had a STI but gets it treated on account of his trinemates. No Carfucking. Thundercracker would fuck a car but doesn't have an STI.
Shockwave: ??? - I'm not sure I want to know. "Once, as part of an experiment" was the original thing I wrote for his answer lol. True across continuities as well.
Anyway. moving on...
My actual answer for Megatron: REALLY depends on continuity. Here's a sample:
G1? Yeah, probably both. I can see it.
IDW/MTMTE? Nah. Maybe? ... Nah. I feel like if he had an STI it'd have been back when he was a miner. Would not fuck a car.
Earthspark? I feel like no STI but yes to the Carfucking. Except he feels really guilty about it after. I still haven't watched ES but this is the impression I get from him.
TFA? oh god. i don't know... i don't know....... he probably fucks cars. No STI.
TFP? Yeah absolutely are u kidding me? Yes to both.
Constructicons: I feel like they'd be a yes to both, but not at the same time, so they wouldn't have been the one/s to transmit a STI to a car. Also Hook would be ON TOP of treatment. Once they ALL got infected after combining into Devastator, and that was miserable for everyone. Nobody has fessed up to being the one who had it in the first place, but now they have treatment on hand just in case.
Also while on the topic of combiners... I think some of the Stunticons are also pretty good candidates for STI/Carfucking. Motormaster, Drag Strip and Wildrider in particular shfkgbekfbk
I considered Tarn/The DJD and Overlord just because of how freaky them guys can get, but I think Tarn runs too tight a ship for that to happen, and Overlord is preoccupied with. worse things. The Scavengers on the other hand... sorry to Misfire, I can see him giving a car a STI. Relatedly, Grimlock would fuck a car but not have an STI.
Who else................................ wait.
Astrotrain. I can see it. Okay bye im going to sleep this took me too long to reply to fhfjfbrmfbdj
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rhaenicentpilled · 2 days ago
Text
here it iss
1. whats your favorite thing in your room? The bed Duh.
2. how tall do you wish you were? Something around 165/170 maybe.
3. what color is your hair? Brown but not virgin anymore :’(
4. whats a rare fear that you have? Im a sheep even in my fears so nothing out of norm fears.
5. are you single? As a dollar bill baby (heard this from a JT song).
6. has your heart ever been broken? By love? No.
7. what was your favorite thing as a kid? Reading!
8. favorite coping mechanism? Dk actually.
9. whats your favorite love language? To receive? Word of affirmation, to give physical touch maybe.
10. how often do you get nervous? A Lot!
11. if you had three wishes, would you use them? Yes obviously but I would overthink them a loooot that the genie would probably ditch me.
12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be? LATIN! Because I would love to be fluent is something as ancient but also more basic answers like Spanish which im alr learning, something from south Asia like Tamil, something from east Asia like Korean or Chinese, something from Africa like i want to know all languages.
13. where do you wish to live? Everywhere all at once, but maybe somewhere by the beach but still city populated you know?
14. what’s something surprising about you? Not sure really. 😅
15. when did you last shower? Today!
16. when did you first join tumblr? Way back then but I keep deleting accounts and coming back.
17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why? Yess, i would love a sleeve, maybe a tramp stamp, definitely something on the thigh so basically a sketchbook vibe. No real idea about the actual tattoos nor their significance lol.
18. whats the most prominent dream youve had? Currently thankfully im not dreaming about anything prominent but I used to dream about malls a lot ( yes shopping malls, literally every dream..).
19. whats your dream job? Something well paying, not a desk, something I enjoy, now its just up to capitalism to makeup a job for me.
20. whats your ideal date? Cinema /dinner duo never disappoints I feel but its too first-datey so idk.
21. what do you wish you could do better? Self discipline.
22. what country would you live in if you could? Again everywhere but no country in particular i feel a draw to.
23. whos the best person you know? Cringe answer im legally obliged to say my family and friends.
24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have? No? Thankful.
25. whats your favorite holiday? Summer break because its the longer break, but winter/spring for the actual festivities and having fun.
26. when have you been most embarrassed? Last week when i had a presentation and i felt my voice going ooOoOoo Not fun.
27. whats your favorite halloween costume? Dont celebrate Halloween myself, but for people I love either really weird costumes or really slutty ones.
28. what are you best at? Dk 🫣
29. do you know how to tie your shoes? Yup! I do the bow/ bunny ears one.
30. do you have siblings? Yup! Im a middle child lets keep it at that.
31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know? Weird answer but hows earth as a whole doing :) I love my little rock.
32. whats a dealbreaker for you? If we dont vibe, like realllly dont. I usually have a decent enough read of people so yeah thats a dealbreaker.
33. whats your favorite current class? Something about AI and business, the lecturer is doing too much but the course is fun.
34. how many people have you dated? 0, unfortunately my hair is the only non virgin thing in me.
35. how often do you wash your hair? Once a week, twice if its being really difficult.
36. do you daydream? what about? Yes, usually about my latest celeb crush :)
37. where do you go to be alone? My bed Duh.
38. which parent do you like more? Legally obliged to say Mom. sorry dad!
39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to? To never be stick in the mud, to be constantly curious and active brain wise and i think im doing good so far.
40. whos voice do you enjoy? Music wise? a lot of singers, i dont even mind listening to annoying ones when their instrumentals are beautiful im not picky with it.
41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be? From the river to the sea Palestine will be free, every tyrant need to hear that :)
42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet? Diving!
43. what do you wish you never did? Actually idk but i dont like living a life of regrets so maybe i just wiped it from my brain
44. do you believe in life after death? Yes.
45. do you prefer book over movie? Yes absolutely because i love imagining worlds plucked from authors minds however with the declining of book qualities i reach for movies when i want something to engage me.
46. whats your favorite season? Spring.
47. whats your favorite time of day? Early morning till early afternoon, then late afternoon till 8 also late nights duhh.
48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal? I do have a precious polar bear from Jellycat, a gray kitty gifted by my precious friend and a bunch of others i dont sleep with them.
49. whens a time you wish you acted differently? My entire childhood but again whats the point of regrets now yolo!
50. what’s something you wish that you never bought? Me regreting a purchase? Please bffr. I do thankfully never regret buying stuff i love buying stuff! Or maybe when i spend the last bit of money of something thats not a necessity i regret it until i get money again
51. do you have your own room? Sorta kinda.
52. whats your favorite book? A poetry collection called “bless the daughter raised by a voice in her head”. Beautifully crafted and i reread it every year on my bday!
53. who’s someone you hate? Everyone but also not nearly enough people 😇.
54. whats your best hottake? Again im a sheep with these takes, but idk i truly think the losses of communities between people is the loss of us as humans.Cold ass take
55. whats your favorite game? On phone, candy crush a suburban mom at heart, a video game is probably Zelda. Dont mind ive been stuck on botw for literal years.
56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear? When the panic attacks hits ha!
57. are you a morning person? 6am morning? No. 10 am morning? Yes.
58. do you drink enough water? No but this reminded me so thx x.
59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be? A lot more outspoken and confident!
60. do you enjoy tumblr? Well ive been back for a less than a week so give me time to hate it again.
61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app? No.
62. whats your least favorite game? bayonetta not because its a bad game because its so hard i gave up.
63. were you a markiplier fan? No, my knowledge of him is his face and name.
64. how do you respond to compliments? Blush and immediately fire it back to them.
65. whats something that would make you fall in love? Im hopeless romantic at heart i dont think it’ll take much.
66. do you believe in marriage? The eternal commitment of one soul to another absolutely, the more boring societal enforced parts nope
67. do you have a crush on someone? Rn? Nope.
68. do you like tumblr? Meh, hardly top 3 sm apps imo. idk how ppl just mainly use it. Is it the nostalgia be honest
69. were you a voltron stan? No i was normal 😊
70. whats your favorite ship? Look at my user! Rhaenicent my beloved doomed yuri
71. whats your favorite song? Rn? Roc Steady by Megan Thee Stallion ft. Flo Milli.
72. do you like loud crowds? Impartial leaning to no.
73. have you ever created conflict on purpose? Yup! Favourite pastime 😈
74. how do you sleep? On my back, or either sides no real preference.
75. do you bite your lips? Haha yes, was doing it just now.
76. do you use chapstick? Yup!
77. do you have any pets? Noo :(
78. what color are your eyes? Brown! Supremacy.
79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself? Nah we are not doing that, i love myself as it is, physically or otherwise 🫶
80. have you ever had surgery? Thankfully no!
81. whats your least favorite animal? Scared of anything that isnt a trained pet so its a broad category.
82. whats something that youre really bad at? Not to toot my own horn but nothing? I can’t remember anything really and i feel if i wanted something to do i would be Ok at whatever i wished!
83. do you have an sqishmellows? I have a tiny squid thats two faced.
84. do you enjoy fast food? Guilty.
85. do you like soda? Guiltyyyy.
86. what grade are you in? University sophomore baby.
87. do you wear any jewelry? My earrings and nose ring always, and bracelets and necklaces depending on the day.
88. what socials do you use? In order of most usage, Twitter, Tiktok, IG, tumblr now made the list ( i have discord and reddit but i dont really use them).
89. whats your lowest grade in school right now? If im not careful im looking at a scathing C oops.
90. whats the latest youve stayed up till? Yesterday till 7 am oops.
91. did you ever have bangs? Yess, love the buildup to getting them, then you get them and the regrets set it, mine are finally normal length now.
92. what trends did you hate? Any of 20-22 trends really in clothing specifically but the online spaces as a whole sucked then lol.
93. whats your favorite item of clothing? Shirts!
94. do you like dinosaurs? birds weird ancestors. Absolutely!
95. whats your opinion on body hair? Its alright, its there its your body just like i dont have an opinion on peoples bodies, the hair is included.
96. whats your least favorite time? Noon but only for the heat.
97. do you make a wish at 11:11? When i catch the time yes why not a cute superstition.
98. do you have your phone on military or regular? Regular, be normal yall…
99. have you ever been to church? No! Been to another place of worship though.
100. are you lgbtq? Duh im a queer!
ask game
1. whats your favorite thing in your room?
2. how tall do you wish you were?
3. what color is your hair?
4. whats a rare fear that you have?
5. are you single?
6. has your heart ever been broken?
7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?
8. favorite coping mechanism?
9. whats your favorite love language?
10. how often do you get nervous?
11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?
12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?
13. where do you wish to live?
14. what’s something surprising about you?
15. when did you last shower?
16. when did you first join tumblr?
17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?
18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?
19. whats your dream job?
20. whats your ideal date?
21. what do you wish you could do better?
22. what country would you live in if you could?
23. whos the best person you know?
24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?
25. whats your favorite holiday?
26. when have you been most embarrassed?
27. whats your favorite halloween costume?
28. what are you best at?
29. do you know how to tie your shoes?
30. do you have siblings?
31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?
32. whats a dealbreaker for you?
33. whats your favorite current class?
34. how many people have you dated?
35. how often do you wash your hair?
36. do you daydream? what about?
37. where do you go to be alone?
38. which parent do you like more?
39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?
40. whos voice do you enjoy?
41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?
42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?
43. what do you wish you never did?
44. do you believe in life after death?
45. do you prefer book over movie?
46. whats your favorite season?
47. whats your favorite time of day
48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?
49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?
50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?
51. do you have your own room?
52. whats your favorite book?
53. who’s someone you hate?
54. whats your best hottake?
55. whats your favorite game?
56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?
57. are you a morning person?
58. do you drink enough water?
59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?
60. do you enjoy tumblr?
61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?
62. whats your least favorite game?
63. were you a markiplier fan?
64. how do you respond to compliments?
65. whats something that would make you fall in love?
66. do you believe in marriage?
67. do you have a crush on someone?
68. do you like tumblr?
69. were you a voltron stan?
70. whats your favorite ship?
71. whats your favorite song?
72. do you like loud crowds?
73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?
74. how do you sleep?
75. do you bite your lips?
76. do you use chapstick?
77. do you have any pets?
78. what color are your eyes?
79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?
80. have you ever had surgery?
81. whats your least favorite animal?
82. whats something that youre really bad at?
83. do you have an sqishmellows?
84. do you enjoy fast food?
85. do you like soda?
86. what grade are you in?
87. do you wear any jewelry?
88. what socials do you use?
89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?
90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?
91. did you ever have bangs?
92. what trends did you hate?
93. whats your favorite item of clothing?
94. do you like dinosaurs?
95. whats your opinion on body hair?
96. whats your least favorite time?
97. do you make a wish at 11:11?
98. do you have your phone on military or regular?
99. have you ever been to church?
100. are you lgbtq?
2K notes · View notes
bonefall · 16 hours ago
Text
Clan Culture Illustrations
So I've been mentioning this in passing, and I think now is a good time to start collecting info from people who are interested!
I'm seeking artists who want to draw stuff for my Clan Culture series.
I often write very large guides for things like tools, ecology, medicine and treatments, etc, which then get held up by the fact that they're big blocks of text without any fun pictures. I usually collaborate with friends and family, but I could put out more quicker if I had some artists on standby.
If you're an artist who would be interested in illustrating, here's the details;
Everything I make on this blog is tailored towards WC fans, but free for anyone to use and reference for their xenofiction worldbuilding projects. You do not have to be intimately familiar with the Warrior Cats books. This offer's open to anyone above 18.
Fans of Better Bones are preferred, because Clan Culture and BB often intersect. I might ask for help with some BB stuff at some point, too. (for example i have a guide on types of StarClan spirits that needs illustration)
To re-iterate, please only inquire if you're 18+
Price range is 20 - 50 USD and turnaround time can be up to 6 months if you just keep me updated. (I am sorry that I can't offer a higher price for these, but this is coming from my own pocket. In return, this is meant to be low pressure)
Half payment upfront, the rest after completion.
I will never "assign" you a surprise mystery topic (unless you ask for that I guess?), I'll either present you with a list of posts that need illustration (yes this means you get to read stuff early), OR float some ideas that play to your strengths and interests. (for example: if I'm approached by Spider-Enjoyer-9000 who's willing to draw a ridiculous number of spiders, I will draft, write, and research a Clanmew Expansion in the style of Deer and Co or Moths and Butterflies.)
Either way, there's usually a lot of creative freedom here unless I need a specific technical drawing, which I will discuss with you and provide references for. (As an example, if we were talking about a post on declawing, I might ask for you to illustrate the muscles within the paw.)
The nature of Clan Culture means you will probably be asked to draw plants, food, objects, and/or scenery
Still interested?
I'm hoping to make a personal "list" of people I can call on, so send me your commissions info or details in a DM, an ask, a reply to this post, or anything else you'd like. Tell me about stuff you like drawing, topics you're interested in, if you can draw backgrounds, etc
Also, please tell include in that message if you're comfortable with illustrating these particular sensitive topics. These are opt-in only;
Medical Gore (Woundcare, stitching, blood, vomit, urine, parasites and bug bites, etc.)
Reproductive Care (Abortion, birth, pyometria, inducing lactation, possible revamp of the HRT guide including simple surgeries, etc)
Hunting and Butchery (Humane killing of prey, skinning, disembowelment, cutting meat, making sausage and blood pudding, etc)
Funerals and Animal Death (Sad kitties, dead battle cats, scavengers and grave desecration, tombs and burial rituals, concealing decay, etc.)
The end art will always stay tasteful, but I might need to give you references in the form of real images or tutorials that might be upsetting if you're sensitive to these topics-- so it's important to me that I consider those four things "opt-in."
I have plenty of other posts that need illustration, it's just a huge plus if you're able to do these too.
(You should also mention any other specific triggers or phobias you have, so I don't unwittingly come at you with something else upsetting)
"I still have questions!"
Putting a big list of answers beneath the cut;
"Would everything have to be colored?"
Nope, as long as there's pictures to break up the text, you can do sketches, black and white, flat colors, only put color in the header, etc. We'll discuss expectations with the post in front of us, and then agree on price.
I have ONE requirement; it's gotta look good on Tumblr darkmode. Because I use Dark Reader.
"Do you have a Discord?"
I do, I just try to be exclusive with who I give it to! When we're discussing details, we'll probably move over there if you'd like. This is a reason why I only want to work with 18+ artists, I'm not always SFW on main.
"Can we do an entry together about (specific topic)?"
Probably yes, so feel free to ask! The worst that will happen is that I say no, or maybe later. For example, I've got a post on Sweetness Tolerance reserved for my partner (they like to draw sweets), so I would say no if you asked.
Just keep in mind that researching, outlining, and writing is unpaid labor I'm doing completely for free. I have posts mostly done that just need art, and topics I've done some research on. Please only ask for special collaborations from scratch if you're serious 🙏
"Does it have to be digital?"
You'd have to have a WILD idea for me to say yes to anything non-digital, but I am a queer of whimsy. If you can whimsify me with an idea, hell yeah.
"Will I be compensated if you need any changes?"
Yes. If I spring anything on you after the details we agree on, I will first ask you, then ask how much that change would cost, and then compensate you for it.
As fair warning though, I am trying to stay within a budget and writing the posts themselves is unpaid work I do (plus occasional helping hands during research stages, I consulted a friend who is an irl wetlands expert for ShadowClan's environment). I can't pay more than what we agree on.
"Can I link my info in the post?"
Yes. "Guest Artist" is going to be named in the opening paragraphs, along with any fundraiser, shop info, carrd, etc, you want there.
"Boosty?"
Yea I got Boosty. Paypal, too.
"I have some other question about pricing"
Feel free to ask, but my hard budget is 20$ - 50$ US. Please only inquire if you're willing to charge within that range.
"What if I'd do it free or I want to do this anonymously?"
I'll donate to a charity of your choice and link to it in the post. If you have no charity preference, I will link to RAINN, Anera, or The Trevor Project.
(Naturally this comes with an anti-ghoul caveat or two. If you try to get me to donate to something like Autism Speaks I will rotate every bone in your body by 45 degrees.)
"I like checklists, can you give me a checklist of info you want in a DM?"
Sure!
Your info; socials, carrd, shop, etc
General interests and strengths. Stuff you'd love to work on, or have insight to. If you like fishing or drawing bugs, I want to know that. If you particularly want to practice flowers, tell me. Be as detailed as you want so I can pair you with a relevant subject!
Your examples
General asking price (or charity)
Which, if any, of the four Opt-In Subjects you're opting in for.
Anything else I should know (triggers, phobias, things you dislike drawing, if schooling or disability means you need a particularly long turnaround time, etc)
95 notes · View notes
silentheiss · 18 hours ago
Text
Subscription to SHAME Declined!
Shen Qingqiu knows that something is wrong. He doesn’t know what is wrong in particular, but sometimes is definitely off.
He walks just a little slower than usual, Luo Binghe matching his pace at his side easily.
It almost feels like a Without-A-Cure blockage, only it’s not uncomfortable nor does it restrict his wi in any way. Shen Qingqiu also doesn’t think it’s something bad. It doesn’t feel dangerous. So, not like Without-A-Cure at all.
As they approach Qiong Ding Peak, Luo Binghe walks just a little bit closer to him, his warmth familiar and comforting. He smells like spice, incense and crisp winter morning even though it’s summer. Shen Qingqiu feels extremely lucky, for a moment, and as if he could fly without a sword. His husband is the best at easing the tension out of him.
“Binghe smells nice.” He comments quietly.
“Shizun smells the best.” Luo Binghe retorts momentarily.
Shen Qingqiu can’t help but laugh.
“Adorable.” He says. Luo Binghe squeaks, as he often does when Shen Qingqiu compliments him. Not that he manages to do it often, even if he, maybe, would like to.
The Peak Lord Meeting is especially boring this time around. Wei Qingwei is talking about something with a great passion, but Shen Qingqiu can barely hear his account of his new dormitory repair plan. He looks at his husband, who’s feigning interest almost flawlessly. He really is beautiful. His eyelashes are long and thick, fluttering softly every time he blinks. His eyes-
“Shen-shixiong.” Qi Qingqi calls from across the table. “Are we boring you?”
“This one can endure, Qi-shimei.” Shen Qingqiu replies, barely looking away from Luo Binghe.
“Shixiong’s husband just interests him more than this one’s report.” Wei Qingwei laughs mirthfully.
“Certainly.” Shen Qingqiu answers unthinkingly. “Have you seen him?”
Luo Binghe gasps. Everyone in the room goes awkwardly quiet. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t really understand why. He said nothing but plain truth.
“This master didn’t mean to interrupt.” Shen Qingqiu says, even though he didn’t interrupt anything. “Please, continue, Wei-shidi.”
“Shen Qingqiu.” Liu Qingge barks. “What’s wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong, shidi. Can’t this one praise his own husband a little?”
“Shixiong!” Liu Qingge snaps.
“Shizun!” Luo Binghe cries.
“Shidi?” Yue Qingyuan calls softly.
Why is everyone being so strange?
“Does shizun really hold such a high regard for this one?”
“Wh-! Binghe! Of course I do, you’re a dream come true!”
“Is there a reason we’re talking about Luo Binghe instead of discussing Peak’s performance?” Yue Qingyuan asks, voice carefully neutral.
“Wei Qingwei prompted and this one was bored enough to speak out.” Shen Qingqiu answers, absently patting Luo Binghe’s thigh, hoping to get his shaky breath back under control.
“Does Shen-shixiong always circles back to admiring his husband the moment he loses interest in conversation?” Qi Qingqi sneers. And hey! He thought they were over that already!
“Yes!” Shen Qingqiu says, feeling more and more annoyed. “I thought I said this already!”
“Is shixiong feeling well?”
Aaand, here’s Mu Qungfang. Figures.
“This master feels fine.” Shen Qingqiu says. “But there’s clearly something going on and this one doesn’t think he should stay at the meeting any longer.”
“That may be wise.” My Qingfang nods.
Shen Qingqiu nods and stands up. He’s out of his chair already when he notices Luo Binghe is sitting shock stricken and still in his own chair.
“Binghe.” Shen Qingqiu sighs. “Let’s go home.”
Luo Binghe turns to look at him, eyes glassy and utterly uncomprehending.
“Binghe, let’s go.”
His husband blinks at him, very prettily and very uselessly.
Shen Qingqiu sighs, again, and turns to look at Liu Qingge.
“Liu-shidi, your hair looks very nice today.”
That finally bears fruit. Luo Binghe jumps out of his chair and starts whisking Shen Qingqiu away.
“Sorry, shidi!” Shen Qingqiu laughs, throwing a glance at his red-cheeked martial brother. “I know you hate it, but flirting with you a little is the best way to get my husband’s attention!”
Liu Qingge frowns, mouthing flirting? back at him. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t worry about it.
Once they’re outside, Shen Qingqiu laughs outloud, clinging to Luo Binghe’s arm, even though his husband’s hold is iron-tight as it is.
“Binghe is very hot when he’s jealous.” Shen Qingqiu lets him know.
Luo Binghe whines, quickening his steps.
“In fact-" He starts, but Luo Binghe doesn’t let him finish.
“Shizun, this one is begging you to wait with more confessions till we’re home.”
Shen Qingqiu shrugs, but indulges his husband. Why is his shameless husband is acting so shy all of a sudden is weird, but-
Oh.
Here it is. Shameless. Shame. That’s what’s missing.
Shen Qingqiu has been lacking it severely this last hour at so.
System! What’s goin on?
[Bravo!] System dings cheerfully. [Host successfully uncovered event Subscription to SHAME Declined!]
What?
[Event Subscription to SHAME Declined will finish in 6 hours 23 minutes! Host should enjoy the experience!]
How come I didn’t know about the event? What’s even the objective here? System!
[Host may consider this secret mission a parting gift! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!]
With that, System blinks out of existence. If not for Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu would fall to his knees right then and there, but his glorious husband would never let that happen, would he?
“Shizun?”
“I’m good, love.” Shen Qingqiu murmurs, half delirious from relief. He’s free?
“Shizun!”
Oh, right. Endearments. He doesn’t use them, does he? Now his husband is crying out in the open. Poor protagonist’s pride!
It’s fine. Shen Qingqiu can fix this.
“Binghe is very hot when he cries, too.”
They’re in bamboo house in record time. That’s a good thing. Shen Qingqiu has got to placate his husband and tell him all about the System while the event is still going.
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Charles sighed, straightening from the bench where he was untying his moccasins at the entrance to the cabin. “Stare any harder and you’ll burn a hole in my shirt.”
His voice was muffled through the thick cotton of the mask they both wore over their faces, a precautionary measure. Apparently TB was more contagious than either of them had realized at the start of this whole mess. 
“I’d aim for your hand,” Arthur sniped, adjusting on the bed that had been his prison for three weeks now. He could hardly make it to the outhouse without coughing so hard he’d soil himself, and he’d never felt weaker in his life. Still, he had pride. And, good Christ, was he bored.  “Maybe if I burn it you’d let me do some damn work around here.”
Charles pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his forefinger. This was a well-worn argument. “Arthur, you’re sick. Doctor said rest.”
Arthur snorted. “What’s the use of keepin’ my mangy ass alive if I’m just gonna go crazy?”
Charles looked over his gloved hand with a peevish glare. “Read? Do anything that ain’t bitin’ my head off?”
Arthur made to get out of the bed. “Just lemme help, I could at least cook—”
“Arthur!” Charles snapped, getting to his feet and crossing the room in three long strides. He gently grabbed Arthur by the shoulders, carefully but inexorably pushing Arthur back down to the bed. It wasn’t even hard—it’d been months since Arthur had the strength to offer anything like a proper struggle. “No, damn you! You can hardly stand!” 
Arthur huffed, glaring. Then he took a shallow, careful breath, willing himself to calm down. 
Charles had been nothing but good to him. It wasn’t his fault Arthur was like this. Weak, useless. Worthless. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, most days, how his lover could stand to be trapped in this sisyphean nightmare.
Not that Arthur could really call him a lover, anymore. They hadn’t so much as kissed in months. 
“I’m sorry,” Arthur apologized, begrudging. “I just—I can’t get through, like this. Feel useless.”
Charles’ eyes were exhausted, dark circles deeply ingrained in the hollows. “Wish I had something to offer you,” he said, genuine. His shoulders slumped, weariness in every line of his frame.
Arthur shook his head. “Just wish I could care for you the way you do for me.” He reached out carefully, exhaling when Charles leaned into Arthur’s touch against his temple. Arthur tucked away a lock of hair that had escaped Charles’ braid. 
Charles’ hair was still growing back out—it was out of the awkward stage it’d been in, the first few months. Charles had looked ridiculous, thick, short hair on his sides sticking up like a porcupine’s compared to the long hair still flowing down his back. 
It was better, now. Just long enough to weave into Charles’ usual braid, though the shortest strands still escaped whenever he exerted himself, sticking out in a halo of fly-aways. 
Charles’ eyes slipped closed. His breath stilled, a deliberate hold, and his brow furrowed. “Brush my hair?”
Arthur blinked. Charles had always been particular with his hair—Arthur was hardly allowed to touch it, even the few times they’d made love before his illness had gotten so extreme that any such exertions sent him into coughing fits. 
“Don’t offer me that,” Arthur said, gruff. “Not just ‘cause I’m bored.” He swallowed the painful, hot sensation of tears building behind his eyes. “Not for pity.”
Charles shook his head, one hand coming up to cup Arthur’s against his own cheek, guiding Arthur’s fingers up and back into the warm, silk-soft strands at Charles’ temple. “Ain’t pity. I just—” Charles’ eyes fluttered open, brown doe-eyes regarding Arthur under thick lashes. He looked nervous, of all things. Shy. “I've been lonely, too,” Charles admitted. “I miss you, too, Arthur.” Arthur swallowed. He longed to trade years off his life to kiss Charles, in that moment. To press so hard against him that it'd push the lonely from his skin.
To make it so Charles never felt alone again.
But it wasn't just his years he'd be risking. So he'd seize this gift, so hesitantly and sweetly offered. This vulnerability, and pray on god he didn't sully it with his thieving hands.
"Alright, sweetheart," Arthur murmured, sitting up. He leaned up, brushed a cotton-muffled kiss against Charles' covered cheek. "We can do that."
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eseongsubs · 3 days ago
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PDA | Lee Heeseung
word count: 1,078
format: drabble
a/n: I gave into those ugly fanfiction tumblr headers you guys…i’m so sorry to be assaulting your eyes with this basicness. I will be learning how to make headers for my series’ and plotted stories so you don’t have to stare at these nuisances. Anyway, I decided to start writing when I had an idea rather than when I want because I have the goal of being a more productive writer. I didn’t even want to write this, but I forced myself to because I know that sub!idol tumbler is sorrowfully dry, so. Enjoy. If you’ve got any requests or thirsts i will answer them. Like i said. I’m “Inspired.”
note: reader’s gender is not stated, implicitly or explicitly.
warnings: explicit cumshot, public blowjob…, sub!heeseung, dom!reader, uhmm thats it honestly.
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Heeseung is not a “bad boy” by any means. Specifically, blowjobs in public have never been Lee's forte. He paints his nails black, sometimes, and he likes to wear a dark graphic tee with a silver chain every now and then, but, thats because it looks cool. And you always teased him for his sense of grandeur. No, Heeseung was a thoughtful man with a particular kindness and generosity that one can only learn. He doesn't have the guts, really, to be a “bad boy,” do the things "bad boys" do, only the foresight to be a well behaved one. He likes rewards, he likes praise, and he enjoys positive reinforcement. Negative talk makes him respond negatively, like a sorrowful golden pothos house plant. He needs sweet talk to keep him green and flourishing.
With that being said, today was an interesting mix of occurences that lead to your contemporary circumstances. 
You like the way that Heeseung’s long dancer legs tremble under your palms as you steady him, keeping him afloat amid the rolling waves of pleasure threatening him to collapse to the tiled restroom floor. His black skinny jeans slide down toward mid thigh, in a way that forces Hee to rear his butt off the bathroom wall, his dick in your awaiting mouth. It wasn’t tireless work, but rather a spur-of-the-moment decision you made out of your own curious lust. An inquisitive test to see just how much your boyfriend would let you get away with. 
“Ooh…” A curling pout expresses your heeseung’s pleasure across his face, as wobbly in stature as his thighs are, trying to hold his composure steady for you, not alert any outside passersby as to what was occurring inside this little single-person family bathroom. “Feels…feels really good” Heeseung concedes, his pink nose from the cold winter temperatures sniveling, his beanie slipping off toward the left direction of his head – your right – revealing the fluffy and mussed black shimmer of his hair. His praise is unprompted, so you smile, pulling off of his shaft and stroking it with an entire glove-clad palm. Hee’s hips twitch upward. 
“Why thank you, sweetheart. That’s so nice.” The ennuncuiation of your last two words was devastatingly intentional. Heeseung’s whole body shudders. He loves to feel like a sweet man for you. The praise sinks in deep to his skin, like a needle. You lave your tongue over his tip again, not taking him fully into your mouth this time just to watch him squirm, build up the peak in his balls already beginning to squeeze to completion. 
Like you said, Heeseung wasn’t one for public…service. He was too respectful, and a bit too believing in the rhetoric of “obedience in advance.” Conform to the wants of others, or any institution, and you will escape punishment, if you’re good enough. Unfortunately, that logic wasn’t real. Not with you, when you punish Heeseung for your own enjoyment, twisting his actions and behaviours into an excuse to watch him squirm under your cruelty, and not with the law either. But today, your boyfriend had been a bit too caught up in your lips, and pathetically eager to please. He followed your word like Mogli under the trance of that snake, in Jungle Book. Yes master, no master, I’ll do anything you say, master. Quite the perfect storm. 
“Oh– ngh…Oh! N-no, no…” you ignored Heeseung’s mutterings to himself. His head, shifting back-and-forth, pushing his hat further off of his head. His obedient hands, attempting with fail to grip onto the tile walls, squeezing into defeated fists. Your lips wrap about his tip, finally, sucking with little force, before sliding down his cock further and driving gratified whimpers from your Hee’s mouth. Whimpers that interrupt the low mewls he has already been unable to cage away. You push-and-pull your tongue on the underside of his cock with each stroke. One of Heeseung’s hands tug at the fingers of your right arm, interlacing yours with his as a surprised moan slips from you, replaced with a satisfied hum. Not a “bad boy” bone in his polite body. 
Another surprise sneaks up on you as Heeseung whispers, trying his absolute best not to shout. “I’m cumming!” Hee weeps, grabbing your hair with his second unoccupied hand as his pleasure converges into a delightful sight, yanking you off of his dick. First, his stomach tenses, then his balls, then the abused tip of his cock throbs as he releases string after string across the bathroom floor, your hair, cheeks, nose, and lips. Some even lands on your eyelashes, as his grippable hips surge forward in a euphoric blaze. Heeseung’s eyes don’t squeeze shut all the way, just into pretty little crescents, so he can watch with effort as he showers you in his release. You, on your knees, before him. “Oh god, I’m cumming…” he pules weakly again, his final droplets of spunk dripping from his defiled tip. You grin again. 
“Couldn’t wait?” you inquire, Heeseung’s head fallen completely forward as his muscles spasm, still swimming in pleasure and the aftermath of it. His beanie makes the quietest, softest plat as it hits the ground, like a sewing needle hitting the floor makes a soft clang. 
“I’m so sorry” Heeseung’s hand holding yours shakes in your embrace, his other hand relenting its hold on your hair. “I didn’t…I didn’t want to cum in your mouth without permission.”
You ignore, of course, that he could have subsided from cumming at all without permission. But, Heeseung didn’t like to cum in public, so, you decided it could be his reward. 
“Don’t be sorry, baby. You did a really good job.” Your lips meet Hee’s knee with a smooch, patting your mark with a frsiky grin. “Now lets get me cleaned up.” 
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circescircle · 1 day ago
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How do you think Gale and Astarion would handle S/O who has texture issues with clothes? They prefer wearing comfy clothes like pajamas. Like they will change into more appropriate clothes when they need to go out, but as soon as they come home they need to change into pajamas/lounge clothes again.
This is a thing I have and friends/roommate’s tell me I’m weird for this and need to wear more appropriate clothes and pajamas for bedtime. Thanks! Sorry if this didn’t make sense lolol
No, I totally get that. I have a thing for textures too and I never wear anything that doesn’t feel comfortable. Why go to sleep in something you don’t want to be in? Loose shirt and sweats, baby!
Gale would be so supportive. He’d cast any charms or buy any clothing you like. He doesn’t exactly understand why you can’t wear whatever, but if it bothers you, “Then, my dear, my vast magical powers are at your service. I want nothing more than for you to be comfortable.” (Paired with a cute little bow)
He noticed that you would wear a nearly identical outfit to bed every night. A loose shirt and pants along with no socks. When he asked why, he was a bit surprised to hear that it was because of a textural issue. He had met people at Blackstaff with a similar issue, so it wasn’t a huge shock. “Do you need me to wear anything in particular?”
You paused, “I- What?”
“Well, if texture bothers you, I don’t want to wear something that will bother you when we sleep.”
“To be completely honest,” you hesitated, “your pants are a weird texture. Your leather pants feel smooth but… not smooth. It feels like you’re wearing a creased book cover.”
He just grinned with those soft puppy eyes. What a dork. “We can get new ones tomorrow morning that are to your taste, then. Anything for my love.”
Astarion is the same. You thought he wore famcy clothes just because? Yes, he did. But he also can’t stand most common fabrics. After centuries under Cazador, he’s learned to take what he can get. But he also kept the same shirt (Astarion’s Eccentric Clothes) for years because it’s a fabric he can actually relax in. Even if it wasn’t the fanciest, it was comfortable in the sense that he wore it every day. It just felt right.
He, in all his fancy sewing knowledge, would go shopping for fabrics you like and would sew them to your standards. Nothing is too good for his darling. Too expensive? Nonsense, he’ll just steal it, of course.
“Why would you? Who in the bloody hells would want to wear something like faux leather,” cue a blatant glance at Gale, “to bed? If you can’t find something you like, we’ll get something tomorrow morning, darling.”
You only mentioned how you couldn’t sleep well because your shirt scratched your neck. “There’s no need, really. I mean, it’s not life or death.”
He scoffed, “Of course it is. I can’t have my favorite snack getting uncomfortable. You need your rest. Besides, I don’t… I don’t particularly mind sewing you something. Only because you need it, of course.”
You softly smiled, “Thank you, Star.”
He scoffed, but you could see the faintest color in his pale cheeks, “Don’t get all gushy on me. It’s hardly anything special.”
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bharv · 8 hours ago
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Why do I keep reblogging dragon age if the last game didn’t hit for me personally you ask?
Well it’s because some of my mutuals are having a great time and making cool shit AND it’s because it’s not like the game was a disaster or anything. It just didn’t come together for my tastes as a fan of a particular part of the experience. There’s still tons of stuff to admire in the makeup of it or the potential of bits.
It sucks that I’m not able to join people in the hyperfocus especially as it has until now been my special interest but there’s still gorgeous art being made. I just wish I was also in the sandpit, not sat outside remembering how itchy the sand felt.
(On this note particularly I am sorry I’ve not read more fic. This time in the bg3 and inquisition times I was making rec lists, diving into stats, going whole hog, but that takes a level I just don’t have in me. I’m trying to read mutuals stuff but I’m even behind there, so forgive me.)
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blackcatxmagic · 2 days ago
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Ocean truly hadn't picked up on anything Dolores had been thinking, and he apologized, "Sorry if that sounded like I was lecturing you. I'm just used to people assuming the worst about the commune, so I guess it's my instinct to defend it." He hoped he hadn't made Dolores uncomfortable or turned her off of talking to him, but realistically Ocean knew he was good at that. Nodding, he replied, "Yeah, it's not for everyone. Some people have considered joining and decided it wasn't a good fit, some joined and then left, some who were born into it eventually moved on even." His own sister was one of those people. "I think it just depends on what you need at any particular time in your life," Ocean continued sagely. It had always felt that way to him. "Sometimes people need that tranquility, but sometimes they need to look for someone else, either temporarily or permanently, and everyone at the commune understands that."
Even though Ocean had innocent intentions when talking to Dolores and asking her questions, he noticed right away that he shouldn't have been so nosy. Why do you always have to invade people's personal space, Ocean thought, shaking his head. He wished he could just be a normal person for a change. "I'm sorry," Ocean apologized. "You don't have to answer anything else." His face burned brightly, and he looked down at the floor now too. "That's really nice that you take care of your mom," he replied sheepishly, still not meeting Dolores's eyes.
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Of course that Ocean's comment about people's misconceptions about communes would end up coming up in the conversation. Dolores chewed on her lip, hoping she didn't look too guilty. "It does sound kind of nice, I won't lie," she said quietly. "But I don't know if I could manage there." If everything seemed so slow and weirdly intimate in Cardinal Hill, a small enough town by itself, she couldn't even begin to fathom how it would be in a commune, where everyone probably knew each other. Though, nonetheless, Dolores had to be careful not to form too many new judgements without basis again.
Oh no. Personal questions. Well, not deeply personal, but personal enough. Dolores stared at her feet. What could she really say about herself? "I'm a pretty boring person. I work at the Cardinal Hill Hospital as a nurse, and I take care of my mother. There's not much more to me."
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doggirlhen · 1 year ago
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the thing is you have to get a good grade in being an art commissioner. you cannot be a bitch when paying for art. you have to be patient and nice. i have not been perfect in my years of paying other furries for art of my funny animals but i can, with confidence, say ive gotten a good grade. artist friends of mine agree im awesome and fankly the Keys to being Awesome at being a commissioner are just like. being nice and recognizing artists arent machines. theyre people who have their own lives and are not infront of their tablet drawing for everyone 24/7. youll find them posting about some game or movie when youve been waiting three weeks for something and thats fine. youll find them having difficulty getting something exactly like how it is in your brain because, like all people, they cannot read your mind. you gotta have everything ready and upfront and be ready to answer questions. its fine to be a little nitpicky and a little "sorry im not quite sure on this pose, could you do X Y and Z" and not be an asshole about it. after a certain number of "can you do X different" you have to realize its either not going to be exactly how you want it to be or the artist is going to want to kill you with hammers. and thats fine. i think artists have every right to want to kill you with hammers.
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coredrill · 1 year ago
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this is something i’ve talked about quite a bit with a friend, but i figured i’d share it here just because i think it’s an interesting and informative mindset to look at current media with… basically, i had the chance to talk to [writer who works for major media corporation, not involved with any of the examples i mention] a bit ago and they said that when they tried to include a trans character in their story, the direction they were given from higher-ups was that “they can BE trans, but they can’t SAY they’re trans.” and i think hearing this really made a lot of things click into place for me regarding, like, queer characters as a whole?
like. i think it’s the reason that someone like captain angel in strange new worlds can use they/them pronouns and talk to spock about not fitting into boxes but can’t SAY that they are nonbinary/trans. it’s the reason those gundam girls can propose and get matching rings, but as soon as a voice actor says they’re gay, bandai scrambles to “correct” it. kirara from jjk can have a middle school class photo that looks quite masc and in the present look very punk & femme, but not say the word trans. gwen stacy also cannot say the word trans while the screen flashes pink and white and blue as she begs her dad to just see her for who she is as his daughter. galo can give lio the kiss of life and then explode into a heart-shaped flame in a movie littered with pink triangles but not be called gay.
and all of this is obviously frustrating for a number of reasons, and it can be hard to parse intent when movies and shows CAN’T be as open as their writers would like them to be, but i think it’s worthwhile to keep in mind as a viewer? i don’t pretend to know what goes on behind the scenes of course, but i’d bet that’s why we’re getting to such a point where there are stories that are laughably blatant in how queer they are but which staunchly don’t claim to be - because if they DID, they’d lose the chance to tell that story before they could even try 😭
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t00thpasteface · 6 months ago
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all of your post are making me want to watch M.A.S.H.... and I do really like stuff involving the korean/vietnam war.... do i do it?
it really is great if you already have experience with other art/fiction created during and after the vietnam war. Apocalypse Now comes to mind, but that really undersells how much of a total fluke MASH was for its time. i mean, it started airing while the vietnam war was STILL HAPPENING, and they HAD to keep it about korea just so they could get on the air, AND this was less than five years after the Hays code ended. it was the 70s, but it was also the 70s, you know?
you NEED to go into this show acknowledging that it was produced in a very very particular window of time; as much as we tend to think of pop media as existing in this anachronistic homogeneity wherein which things remain static for decades, that is not the case, and MASH is very very clearly a product of its time, as everything unavoidably is. general consensus is that the show really "grew the beard" around season 4/5 (the last 2 episodes of s4 are some of my favorite episodes of the whole show) but it's never perfect, and you shouldn't expect it to be. and this too has a metanarrative merit to it. we are all capable of evil (or just saying things in poor taste) even when our intentions are good, etc...
on the other hand, sometimes that's an incredibly impressive thing. watching MASH with a solid lens of its contemporary audience and culture will reveal all sorts of little shocks and rebellions that would seem tame or even regressive to a later audience such as us. if you have a cool parent or older friend/relative to watch this with who was alive at the time of the vietnam war and remembers seeing the dead bodies on the news every night, watch this with them. alternatively, check out commentary online by people in that age range, as well as writer/actor/director commentary if that's your bag (sometimes alan alda was all 3). enjoying antiwar fiction like MASH with that cultural context is like using one of those little decoder lenses on a cereal box or whatever. i said to another asker: "by 70s tv censorship standards, this show was basically on-screen gay sex and flag burning."
it's fucking uncanny when something in MASH strikes you and you can see how little has broadly changed in global politics since. and yes that's a tragedy. but i think there's a corollary to it:
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paranormaljones · 1 year ago
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hey remember when it was considered really fucking weird to use extremely sexual and disturbing language to simp for real people in their own comment sections/online spaces? can we go back to that stigma? like if you wouldn't say that shit out loud to that person's face, literally just don't say it anywhere. y'all are so self-centered it's insane. you do not EVER. have the right to tell someone who does not know you at all exactly what you think of them sexually. bunch of disgusting catcallers.
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tapestryundone · 7 days ago
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when the god was made in the image of a man who infiltrated the mind of said god and in doing so made himself intertwined with the form that god took while also being the cause of that form creating a infinite feedback loop of what caused the god and his creator to evoke the very image of the death the creator feared through the form of an animal representing that concept, and the god has faint, undeniably human characteristics given to him by his creator while his creator retained none of it. fuck
#slay the princess#quiet is absolutely a corvid in draconic packaging#but theres traits of him that cannot be detached from his construction to aid humanity#his hands and arms in particular. and his uncomfortably human teeth but mostly his hands and arms#bc his hands are very birdlike yes but the general anatomy is completely detached from anything that could be described#as avian or draconic#whereas the narrators almost completely played straight as a crow but with teeth#and its so specific and maybe im reading too much into it#but his teeth are extremely NOT human-like#the narrator is extremely not human even though he once was#did he give his humanity up in creation of the long quiet and the shifting mound?#in his last moments before he became countless echos did he put all of the humanity he had and give it to them#in order to make the long quiet understanding of the concept of mortality in an attempt to sway him on slaying the princess#and in order to make the princess capable of death just as humans are?#was it his own plot to save humanity through the creation of gods that he stripped himself of his own humanity and handed it to said gods#making them resemble living mortal humans far more than he ever could after he gave it to them?#was the gift of humanity that he gave the concept of reality in two distinct ways the exact reason why his plan failed?#why his giving of that gift came back to destroy the construct he created?#that in deciding it to be his duty to act effectively as a mortal god he gave up his own humanity#and made two gods that were more human than him?#anyway narrators got sharp teeth and is a bird except humanity is mentioned. so this man became a bird. metaphorically. after playing god#sorry you tried to destroy death and your creation and you too became symbols of it!#its only symbolically satisfying and fitting i hope you understand
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