#not really suggestive but yknow just in case

[syscest]

Species-affirming cybersex. That is all

that's NOT all because I'm gonna break down these concepts and how they work.

species first. reffing chapter 2 of plural respect, system members have self-perceptions that can differ from the body and don't have to resemble things that exist in the outside world - and a shared understanding of this can help you connect. Nonhuman types often shorthand this as "species" to indicate something left field of human - but it practically encompasses impossible-human stuff like "human with a curse" or "human that's a wizard" and inorganics like "sentient computer virus" or "reanimated skeleton" for most use cases - anything physically impossible enough. if you're into shapeshifter language, you might prefer "form" - same difference.

with that in mind let's talk cybering. Cybersex in most of its forms is collaborative fantasy. You're taking "thinking about a hot thing" and extending it to include someone else over the internet somehow. Though valid barebones sexting can be purely something like discussing physically occurring masturbation, it usually involves constructing a scene of some kind and (though its rarely admitted) you're basically collaboratively writing smut fanfiction about you and your hookup.

I think breaking the "this is weird" glass is critical to engage with this properly and prevent mystifying it. yes you are writing self insert oc fiction with a friend over the internet, yes you're gonna be horny about it. and yes omg you DO get to choose the tense case and perspective you prefer to write in this is huge and nobody says it.

Furry ERP communities (owing to a common layer of seperation between the selves) often use third person language, refer to sonas by name, and put dialogue in quotes: <confused, she pokes her friend's arm, "Hello?" she whispers, "Anyone home?"> etc etc, providing a clear seperation between OOC and not. You might find this stiff or impersonal or booky - and there's a tonne of variation you can apply to see if it fixes that:

per-sender first+second person pronouns:

qualify actions instead of dialogue: <[she pokes her friend's arm] hello? is anyone home?]> (notably removes the hard OOC separation, which can enable chitchat)

both: <[I poke your arm] hello? is anyone home?>

+ avoiding self-references where possible: <*pokes your arm* hello? is anyone home?>

So sexting gives you a canvas, and because it's collaborative smut writing, it really doesn't require you to adhere to what regular humans do and look and feel like. You can write directly about your metaphysical forms interacting because you're literally out here playing pretend for fun.

It definitely works for some people and doesn't for others, but don't get caught in "what do I write". you can't focus on cybersex being *good*, focus on silly little whims and suggesting whatever comes to your head - start by finishing the sentence "if I had you in a room right now, I'd __". Its a silly little playpen for exploring eachother's sexuality and relationship to themself, just be nice to eachother and run with it.

And, yknow, affirming? well, as long as you communicate well, take the standard safety measures you would for any kink scene, and understand consent applies just as much when you're acting out text - then you can do/pretend/play/perform all kinds of stuff via text cybersex you can't do in-person. It's a great way to connect with these parts of yourself and resulting tendencies, and acquire stupid fantastical kinks about it. All new weird ways to be found (find yourself?) attractive.

Ok. well. unrelated tangent. you CAN do it in person. invoking weird nonhuman or otherwise metaphysical junk in bed is not strictly typing only - for one you can literally bring your phone TO bed and do mixed-media sex where you get to sext *and* get handsy, but that's not even the point. Sexting might make you a sex-fanfic-author but don't forget you can be a sex-wrestler/sex-theatre-performer too - talk to your hookup about the impossible things you'd like to do, and then do things that physically resemble them and you can both enjoy filling in the blanks. Your brain WILL help, if you're thinking about picking someone up with your tentacles and you use your body's arms, you'll naturally want to move them in a different kind of way, and you'll both pick up on it. The more you engage, the more it comes through in how you move, the more your friend gets to pick up on. Hell, you can even check verbally if you're understanding things right - "is that your arm" etc etc. It's a more complicated, subtextual language, but it can be a LOT of fun.

Anyway, species-affirming cybersex :)

[beatcroc]

there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

[theo-grayson]

god gives his fattest tits to his hottest trans boys. i swear to god

[waywardsalt]

with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;

a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.

linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.

[bmpmp3]

post ankle-twisting clarity

[lenny-zesty]

disassembly drones are awesome

*CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK*

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another day another part of a discussion w/an asexual lens making me think of billions, starting with the articulated normative concept (which is clearly part of an assumption billions' material works off of & expects the viewer to work off of to interpret that material) that for men sex is a matter of fact need whereas for women sex (that they might Seek themselves, beyond dutifully providing it in the face of a man's Need) is an indulgence, like lol imagining billions being like yeah i mean cmon is [woman] supposed to pretend she doesn't have a body with needs :/ while it's like prince taking advantage of women & wags looking for another Young Woman Body to use as thing that gives him His Progeny & it's like aw it's great actually that you have Wants, that's so empowered of you guys

obviously thinking of winston in that mix & what creation &/or leveraging of increased vulnerability is also taken as matter of fact or empowering indulgence or something, rather than analyzed re: power dynamics....& then was thinking that like yeah billions assumes winston is a man but makes him the engaging site of Doing Things Wrong that it doesn't even Partly, With Many Limits, engage with critically as it does re: introducing taylor as someone who "does things wrong," (but not too much. stop that) or then, like, rian in the same vein, but what a surprise that in often already putting up these limits on of what & how much taylor's character can actually fundamentally put things taken as "normal (unquestionable) & correct" into a critical context, amazing that rian's character as supposedly another level of [taylor] added to that actually gets reined in immediately like "oh you can't actually be That abnormal, for Real" (then also immediately treated as yeah true i'm a normal i'm a paragon what the hell am i doing Leaving here i Do belong here. you've never seen me with a hat) & after billions doesn't have [rian serves the purpose of taylor having dialogue at someone. or alleged but largely insubstantial nonmeaningful conflicts Or resolutions] or [rian, ofc assumed woman, serves the woman purpose of "keeper of body man uses to have sex" for a plotline as or more insubstantial & antimeaningful (besides the substance & meaning of all the preexisting normative perspectives on gender/sexuality & power dynamics) as anything has ever been] or even [rian, just zany enough to be abusive to winston in ways beyond doing your best to filter out / deny that he exists] like oh None of that's relevant? rian is completely some background rando who just goes "yeah what he said" to background randos like dollar bill & victor or just stands in for those roles here & there, indistinguishably except whoa hey didn't you notice she's a girlboss version of these rando assholes

but like back to how winston is "wrong" in a way that cannot be questioned or question the "right"ness in that paradigm (flipping the script, rejecting the premise. of course that winston was "wrong" to do that is Factual), or ofc if you did it would be a joke with no meaning that could Really be considered to be "real" questionability of the assumptions that dictate what winston Factually Is (wrong)....that ofc sex isn't a "need" for some particular created Class of people, but it's the hierarchal elevation of that class (i.e. patriarchy) that can frame it as a "need" that ofc in actuality isn't about anyone dropping dead but as an Entitlement that one can Expect to have fulfilled, indeed supposedly "matter of fact" when the "fact" is that the concept here is that a man will have sex if he wants it, so what's to distinguish it from fulfilling a need he can Expect to have met b/c he will literally die without it? meanwhile whether a woman "wants" sex is beside the point when her body is a component of [men's fulfilled need for sex] & thus that question of "want" is an "extra" matter that is only relevant if a woman seems to be engaging in sexual activity in a way not fully contained by the concept of [fulfilling a man's need] wherein it's like the idea of oh this woman Wants sex is "useful" in ways that would reinforce patriarchy: sex work happens in an socioeconomic context that doesn't start & end in the domain of Individual Men? call that "wanting sex" to be like, yeah i assume i'll have sex in the future according to what i'm traded for it, not according to the enshrined Need Of A Man(tm)....& then to just accept the same premises, women don't Need Sex (i.e. aren't entitled to get it from men, independent of whether the man wants that at all or from them specifically, the way it is re: men "needing" sex from women) & their "wanting" it is something Extra to their status as fulfillers of men's sexual needs, but what if instead of that "want" being Bad, we saw it as Good? like hell yeah that's Empowered of you? feminism wins, done & dusted

back to winston for real like he is a role seen as Wanting things, And That's Bad. he wants things all the other characters are here wanting, like to have relationships of various kinds, get validation & be re/affirmed, get to partake in the activities that others are by virtue of Being There, such as "communicating," but it's more "well, of course. they're only human" for others & it's Pathetic of winston & offputting & arrogant in the ways that he seeks getting these wants met, or meeting them by doing [xyz] in the first place, like Being Present b/c he wants to be, & he is Out Of Line in doing so b/c others are supposed to be superior, which is meaningful insofar as they have authority over him for it, thus he Ought to have his "extra" "wanting" denied as much as possible b/c hm turns out Superior Authorities aren't just such benevolent omniscient shepherds of the inferior that it's all harmonious & there's not as much extraction in a situation of greatest precarity as possible....prince a sicko for seeing things that way, wendy is correct for seeing herself that way though, & anyone who lashes out at winston on sight for whatever reason is correct for it too, b/c call it a generous benefaction of ABA

anyway people "needing" all this stuff, can't go without it, how could you expect them to??? which is to say ofc it's not a "need" like they would be able to point to themselves dying without it, but it's something that can always be Expected to be accessed / obtained due to an Entitlement to it (backed up by power leverage). if it's not happening in that context, it's back to being a "want" that someone would be arrogant to Expect or out of line to Seek, including by "demanding" it which would be asking or arguing for it beyond what is heroically charitably given in a way that does not threaten the elevated superiority of the giver who has taken pity thusly....winston being put in a queer context unbeknownst to billions for being assumed a man but "wrong" at it (while billions also doesn't think about how it saddles the other quant with the demands of a cishet context, two sides same coin going on there in the "right" vs "wrong" quant duo) & unlike True Men he is not entitled to sex, thus, it's something he Wants b/c the [he can Never Have It, that would be wrong] is incompatible with being that alleged Need that of course these other men just "have to" pursue & obtain with all their bonus power leverages, i.e. they Are Going To, vs winston Not going to, "obviously," even as it isn't obvious at all b/c why would it be? he even gets to implicitly have had sex ever Just for the purposes of how "factually" wrong it is, imagine Learning anything about sex or not being born with the Right Body, no question that those "ideals" are undeniable reality, emphasis on the "undeniable," hey if the eugenics is still systemically entrenched who's to "question" it lol? those targeted? same as "how can Women question that Men need sex"? it's god or nature that dictates this gender binary, insofar as i don't Need to convince anyone of it to be enforcing it. force of nature. as is the "need" of a man to have sex. as is whatever the abusive party feels like doing at any given time, if you're the abused stuck in that situation. May As Well Be, so

all that to say like winston has this "extra" "want" for Everything b/c billions thinks he is a punching bag nonperson who ultimately anyone deserves to violate & assault however to whatever extent (where any restraint is just the assumed bounds of what would be too "unseemly" in the context of the broader situation, which is pretty arbitrary & just changes upon whenever billions decides "oh actually this violent action is Serious" like dollar bill was good to go the whole time, wags was, wendy is just creating Fun if she puts on a performance of this eruption of violence in the office the same ep she yells & slams some phone around after putting the tmcers in front of the people who are assaulting them but it's not That Serious....the entire idea that "of course" there are these absolute concrete boundaries based on what's "too much" that you would just Feel at the time such that you couldn't possibly find yourself in the wrong b/c you would have preempted Doing that inappropriate act; the entire idea that "oh yeah Some people are less of real people than me but i'd Know when i went Too Far" as though "too far" isn't mostly bounded by what you can get away with &/or is rewarded for how it plays into this hierarchy as is of who is inferior vs superior. dehumanization? don't mind if i do, b/c i'm against it, except like, you don't have to "be against dehumanization" to be against dehumanization, right? your inner sense of The Vibes would make sure you never "really" did that, same as Everything Else ostensibly based on principles that don't actually need to be exercised "on principle"....don't Really have a problem with in group / out group so long as i'm in the out group. it's not bad for anyone to do something to someone, it's bad to be anyone someone could do something to. and winston is definitely someone that anyone could do anything to :) what's more shocking than this: victim blaming being completely the Norm, abuse being the Norm, the Norm comfortably containing all the violence that it already does & able to obfuscate & deflect actual questioning of it b/c it can so far just keep doing it one way or another, may as well Need to be this way, may as well be the only possible way b/c it arises out of these assumed beliefs that are just Universally Human, thus would happen no matter what & it can only be this way. the autistic rando Would be treated like this in every universe :) as another way of believing it Unquestionable, b/c it is surely inherently Inviolable

bringing it back around from whatever might have been the thread there: also Lol Lmao (dire) that part of what makes winston's sexuality so cringefail is that he doesn't consider himself "entitled" to have sex w/any particular woman, such as his crush, As He Should if he were a man in the Right ways, i.e. "truly," i.e. he is more like a woman, i.e. inferior, which is absolutely what we see in how winston treats him, like a woman he doesn't "need" sex (is entitled to it) & so he "wants" sex & this is suddenly not Empowered of him b/c why would billions go "oh right, uh, feminism win" when it doesn't see him as "really" a woman, just a man who is too Like one, thus not bestowed with the ostensible Girlboss lens on every single woman on billions ever, feminism win again, a Boyemployee out here fr to be Humorously Abused by one of those girlbosses, with we the viewers assumed to assume that girlboss recognizes the fact that winston's sexuality is a repulsive deviant intrusion trying to disrupt the Natural Order (nothing to question in that, am i right? my cishet agenda'd men who would never research anything about having sex & can Sense what kind of bodies everyone has b/c well isn't it always so obvious? if it weren't, that in & of itself would be Too much of a turnoff. i would never be Really attracted to "wrong" bodies, i would preemptively be correctly repulsed, i would never be Really abusive to "wrong" "people," i would preemptive by correctly repulsed by True moral transgression) like. stunning that billions' idea of an encapsulating sendoff for riawin is rian hanging back shit talking winston, being in charge of winston's actually friendly coworker & ABA telling him that being Known to support winston is wrong, obviously no reflection on rian being abusive other than to tell us billions thinks it was a graciously charitable kindness of Attention he didn't deserve, rian then talking to him like aw i'll kind of miss this piece of property i'm throwing out (oh wait i forgot he exists. oh wait yes i'll help you kill him. oh wait i'm not interested in the followup & winston will never get to talk to me about it including when he materializes back into the office once more later) but like it's just:

(cont.) so above & beyond stunning for billions to spell out winston as an Exception in no negative shift in his treatment of her & then saying this treatment has always been "pathetic & slavish" (like........) / this lack of a negative shift in his treatment of her is itself Negative, "truly," rian is just too sentimental towards him as she has been all this time in becoming like the one person whose abusiveness towards him is most varied, most frequent, and most intimate (winston isn't friends or even seatmates with anyone else who does this kind of shit / other kinds of shit, award for rian not being seen physically assaulting winston) like um lol imagine not being Entitled to this woman, hence the "joke" that was winston's crush the whole time which was so actually not relevant that there'd be no reason to assume in s7 he still Particularly "wanted" (boooo hissss, like a woman?? a woman who is a slut??? or empowered if you accept the same premises but suppose a "positive" framing is doing the Opposite in any way that actual threatens the premises, which it doesn't much, which is preferable to analyzing the power dynamics within which people "need" or "want" or "have" sex or don't....don't mind billions' preoccupation with winston's body (with a sexual context) or sex drive (also sexual context. nothing Matter Of Fact about that, it's gross, thanks) or any expression of pursuit of sex with a specific person, so Pathetic as to assume it might not happen b/c that person has agency he doesn't want to steamroll (or can't anyway? like a loser) rather than Knowing He Is Entitled & a girlboss would correctly recognize his Real Man right to have sex with her, why Wouldn't she want to have sex with him anyway? which is a question you can just say to yourself rhetorically as you write that happening for a hollow gesture at [power dynamics?] that goes "well, but of course men need sex, which is simple fact. & women want it, if they're empowered, which is okay" i.e. it is "correct" to assume any given correct woman (all of them, on billions) will fulfill your entitlement to i mean need for sex, ofc it's up to the Wrong kind of men to Not assume as much, or even leverage [negative treatment] to their advantage, just Positive (& neutral) treatment in case a woman is down b/c that's All They Have, like a loser, unlike winners who have their power to leverage. cue mafee getting a pat on the head by wendy about the "aw gee i guess i kind of have a crush but i know it's never gonna go anywhere" like oh pathetic but you get that pat on the head b/c we don't hate you as much as winston, same as the Went Nowhere Fast thread of his liking lauren, well but she's not even single so it's not Necessarily as personal an [of course not?] but like also lol of course not, well but we didn't make sure to laugh at another [never gonna happen] moment in the end. but what else is the point of winston, & we have so much fun Indulging in it, we sure do Want to, & it's an epic fun n games Want & Indulgence when we do it. not when winston does it

tl;dr billions is like "smh winston's a slut for everything" and Lol Lmao the "don't be so fucking needy" b/c his wanting is Needing & our wanting is needing but in a correct way; uh oh is the way billions lashes out at winston a Reflection on the assumptions & actions behind that? that winston is introduced (as supposedly only to appear in that episode) as being too liable to Defensively Lash Out, which is done in a scene where all the other characters are defensively lashing out at him & that was Correct? can you imagine if some characters felt entitled to have various "needs" met & to be able to create negative consequence if they weren't, no, it's the quant we targeted for being autistic & who is irritated about this, & about his boss shitting on him in the meantime, & is daring to Say Anything about it or in general, who is creating such a hassle for everyone & demanding so much with his feelings at any given time. episode WDE really showing how so much of the ultimate fantasy re: winston is to force a mirror up to him (surely the purest power trip is forcing that "nooo, my inferiority, & truly your superiority" despairing acknowledgment Affirmation &/or simply the exercise of superiority i.e. authority that is just doing whatever you want to someone. both happening to winston, they only don't also literally kill him b/c billions just doesn't really do that in general) & but then that episode actually being that clearest mirror to / reflection of billions & its assumptions & perspective & limits it sets in Analyzing Power or anything else & what it even wants to do more generally, whoops! & you know that even if you got a degree of "maybe any of that was out of line in any Real way" it'd be about the victim blaming perspex of [i mean is the real problem Doing Xyz To Anyone or Having Xyz Done To You? (that's right, it's the latter)] like couldn't be done to him if he wasn't a loser anyway, real winners can dictate what can happen to them & do whatever they want, just as we always knew winston was a loser b/c he Might Not have sex w/a woman he likes, & they Might Not (lol. Will not. but he thinks "might not" b/c he's pathetic & Doesn't Get It b/c if he did he'd have been born better or kill himself for not having done so, one supposes) b/c winston is a loser, who can only "want" sex & anything else, vs what other characters "need" to have, like control of his existence & sometimes also taylor's

[skyward-floored]

I don’t mind if it’s public! I just wanna share it but not in a full post XD so this is better! Here it is! Less so about Kori shenanigans and more so Link being depressed but next chapter will have Kori shenanigans if I ever get to it!

~~~~~~~~~~

Link has made plenty of mistakes in his life, some that would almost kill him, some that hurt his heart so much that he could barely function, and some that could almost ruin his life.

That mistake he made… he thought it wouldn’t be serious. Sure it was a serious mistake, but it was one time. Surely the goddesses would be merciful on him just this once, right? Surely they would forgive what he did. He understood it was wrong, he’ll never do it again.

He hoped that they would forget about when he made love at twilight.

It was a moment of weakness for him. The girl who he spent his entire adventure with, who stuck at his side, who helped him, who saved him, who he loved, was dead. Or so he thought. He killed the demon king with righteous anger swelling within him, grief gripping his heart so tightly it physically hurt, wanting to kill the man who killed her.

It was only until after he was dead when he discovered that she was alright. When he saw a familiar silhouette among the light spirits, he couldn’t help himself as he sprinted towards her. Pumping his exhausted legs to where she was sitting to just make sure that she was real. That she was alright.

And she was… she was alive and well… and different. The light spirits removed the curse upon her that turned her into an imp, changing her into a beautiful twilight princess. He remembered when he first saw her. She was tall, with such loving eyes that stared back at him, her hair tied in the front, and her face… His brain short circuited, and he didn’t say anything. He just stared.

“What? Say something!” She finally broke the silence, with a familiar teasing grin forming on her lips. “Am I so beautiful you have no words left?”

It was her, she was real. This was the Midna he spent so much time with, the Midna he fell in love with, the Midna he wanted so desperately to protect because of all she did for him. He smiled a relieved smile, and hugged her tightly, crying into her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him and cried as well. They were both alright.

Zelda arrived shortly after to be with her dear friend, talking about what happened and what should happen next. Due to Link’s injuries from Ganondorf, they decided to head to Kakariko where he could rest, and they spent a long time together.

When Midna and Link were alone, they would talk for hours, quietly so no one would know about her, and one night, they got a little carried away. They were sitting on Link’s bed at night, and they exchanged kisses, and they snuggled up next to each other, and kissed again. One thing led to another, and it turned into a huge mistake. After what had happened, Midna started avoiding him, whenever she saw him, there was deep sorrow in her sunset eyes. Link didn’t know why she was suddenly acting like this, but he knew he was at fault. He should’ve stopped, he should’ve slowed down and got her off of him, he thought she wanted to do it, but clearly not. He was afraid he put too much pressure on her. He was just so happy that she was alive, that Ganondorf was dead, that finally, he can have peace, that he wasn’t thinking. He tried to talk to her about it but she’d just brush it off, so he stopped asking

Finally, when Link was healed enough, Midna said that she needed to return to the Twilight Realm, so they traveled to the Gerudo desert, his heart hurting from having to say goodbye to Midna. She may not think of him that way anymore, but she was still a dear friend to him, and he still cared about her deeply. And though they could visit each other, it was always sad to see a friend go.

But sad did not describe the feeling he had when the mirror was shattered, with Midna gone forever. That feeling was sheer agony, the worst pain he’s ever had to endure in his life. It almost ended him, he almost changed into someone unrecognizable. And thoughts plagued his mind over it. Was it something he did? Was she that upset over that night? And what ate away at him the most: would she have a child because of that night? The thought of her being pregnant and giving birth without him being able to support her killed him on the inside. He felt like a complete failure, he hated himself, he wished that none of it ever happened. He just wished the pain would go away.

So he prayed to the goddesses to be merciful on him. Just this once. To not let Midna suffer because of his foolishness, to simply let that mistake be. He would never do it again. Just please… don’t let anything come of it… please…

Two years later had passed, and so did some of the pain. With help he was able to recover, Zelda tried to reassure him that she didn’t shatter the mirror because of him, that she still cared for him. It helped, even a little. And so he slowly began to move on from Midna, move on from that night. He never told it to anyone, no one needed to know about the best and worst night of his life. Though he did wonder, even though it hurt, if he had a child out there somewhere, a child that he could never give his love to.

But his question was answered one night.

It was a rainy night, and Link was tossing and turning. He couldn’t do anything to get his mind to relax and finally sleep. He let out a sigh and stared at the ceiling. Normally rainy nights helped him sleep, but for some reason that wasn’t the case tonight. He closed his eyes and let out another sigh. He knew it was better for him to stay laying down with his eyes closed, but being alone with his thoughts was almost maddening.

He listened to the pouring rain outside, the different sounds it made as it hit his tree house made him grateful that he had a roof over his head, and a roof over Epona’s head. Being wet was the worst feeling for him. He rolled over and tried to let the rain soothe him, and it almost worked until—

Thump thump thump.

He opened his eyes at the unnatural sound, sitting up and staring at his door, slowing his breathing so he could hear better. Did he imagine that? Who would be banging at his door in the middle of the night?

He flinched when there were three more loud thumps at his door. Ok he definitely didn’t imagine that. He got up as his heart grew worried over who could be at his door. Was it Rusl? Was he alright? Was something wrong with his daughter? Or was it Illia? Was she alright? He reached for his door and let out a breath to calm himself, opening the door quickly.

But who he saw sent his heart into his throat.

It was Midna, she was standing there, a desperate look in her eyes. Her clothes were soaked as she stood in the rain, and the two were silent for a moment as they stared at each other.

Midna… after two years of accepting that he’d never see her again, here she was. She got much taller, almost double his height, her jewelry was more extravagant, but she herself, she still took his breath away.

Finally after a moment of silence, he finally found his words.

“Midna?”

Her breath hitched, and she shifted a bit, a bundle in her arms that he finally noticed. His heart stopped when he saw a child, no older than two, crying silently in her arms. He was clearly a twili, bright red hair, dark blue skin, black markings. He looked like Midna, but when he opened his eyes, it was without a doubt that they matched his own. Gray-blue eyes stared back at him in fear. For Din’s sake…

“Link,” Midna breathed out, “I… desperately need your help.”

Link stared at the boy in silence for a long moment, but he got ahold of himself. He took a deep breath and gave room for them to head inside.

“Y’all will get pneumonia if you stay out for any longer,” he said gently, gesturing to his home.

Midna smiled and a relieved tear rolled down her cheek as she slowly moved inside. Link got dry blankets, ignoring his thumping heart. The child was cautious around Link as he tried to dry him off. He stared at Link with confusion and awe, his mouth agape as he got dried. Link paused when he noticed his left arm covered in bandages. He gave Midna a look, but she did not return his gaze. She just stared at a corner in the room.

“What’s your name, little one?” Link tried to ease the pressure, being as gentle as he could with the child.

The kid looked at Midna, then back at Link. He had fear in his eyes, Link could tell.

“You’re safe here, I promise… What is your name?”

The child looked down, it took a moment for his sweet little voice to speak up.

“Um… my name is Kori,” he answered.

“Kori?” Link repeated, just to make sure he heard him right. Kori nodded and Link smiled. “That’s a lovely name.”

Kori smiled. “Tank you. What is your name?”

“I’m Link.”

“Nink? Is Tat like when tings… when… uh… when light happened… and you uh… connected wit everyting?”

Link chuckled at the little boy trying to speak. He barely understood him, but it was the cutest thing in the world. “Yeah, sure.”

Kori nodded and rubbed his eyes. “Mommy talked about Nink a lot…”

“Really?” Link looked over at Midna, who continued to avoid his gaze. He sighed and looked at his arm. He reached for the bandage but Kori froze and pulled back. His eyes were full of fear again. “What happened there?”

No one said anything this time. He looked at Midna and stood up.

“Midna… What’s going on?”

Midna closed her eyes and finally looked at him.

“It’s… He’s…”

“My son?”

Midna looked up with shame written on her face. Link looked down, she shouldn’t be ashamed…

He finished drying off Kori and changed his bandages as gently as possible. He stopped talking, so it was silent, only the rain could be heard. As Link cleaned and redressed Kori’s arm, he noticed that it was a nasty wound, a slash mark went up his arm, and from the looks of it, it was fairly new. Who could’ve done this to a child? Kori whimpered as he cleaned it the best he could.

“Sh, it’s alright Kori. The pain is only temporary,” he said gently. He wrapped up the arm and gave it a slight pat. “See? You were brave little one, good job.”

Kori smiled and rubbed his eyes again. He must be exhausted. He didn’t know if Twili ever slept, so it must’ve been a Hylian thing for him.

“Here, let’s get you nice place to sleep ok?”

Kori followed Link as he set up a comfy bed made of blankets, gesturing for Kori to sleep in it. The boy looked at Midna and she nodded at him. After waiting a moment, he got down from the chair he was in and wobbled over to where the bed was. As soon as he laid his head down, he was out like a light. Link smiled, he was a sweet little boy. He stood up, and the situation returned to him. He walked to where Midna sat, still and unmoving. He took a deep breath

“Midna… I… Hello again.”

Midna stared at him with no expression on her face. She looked like she was contemplating on what to say. Link pursed his lips and decided to get something off his chest.

“Clearly my actions have hurt you Midna, and I’m so sorry…. I’m so sorry about that night, if I could take it back I would!”

Midna’s expressionless face changed to confusion.

“What?”

“That boy… he’s ours… because of what we did…. And I’m so sorry… I know I hurt you and I wasn't there for you when you had him and I’m really sorry and I should’ve stopped and–”

Midna raised a hand to stop him, stepping closer to him.

“Link, do not blame yourself for what happened that night. It… wasn’t your fault alone…”

“Alone?”

Midna sat down, her head hung. “I didn’t do anything to stop it either… I knew that I needed to break the mirror, and I tried to keep my distance from you but… I didn’t. You didn’t know what I was going to do.”

Link stared ahead, hearing that didn’t help truthfully. He still felt confused, guilty, and almost sick to his stomach.

“Did that night mean anything to you?” He asked quietly.

Midna stared at him, her mouth slightly open.

“It meant everything to me.”

“Then why did you break the mirror?”

Midna looked down. “You know why. Deep down you know why. Shadow and light cannot mix. You saw what happened when Ganondorf went through the mirror, you saw what happened when Zant found him. You know why I broke it!”

Link looked over to where Kori, his son, laid asleep.

“Clearly shadow and light can mix,” he said quietly. Midna sat down and rested her head against her hand. She looked exhausted. “How did you get here Midna?”

“I can't say. It must stay a secret.”

Link nodded, he figured that was the answer. Now for a more important question.

“What happened to his arm?”

Midna buried her face in her hands, clearly the memory upsetting her. Link walked close to her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s ok, he’s safe now. What happened? Why did you bring him here?”

Link stood by Midna for a while, but she made no moves. She raised her head and went to say something but shivered pretty harshly.

“Here let’s get you into some dry clothes…” Link finally said after a moment of silence. Whatever happened, she’ll tell him, eventually.

Link quickly dried her off and offered some of his clothes, even though most of them wouldn’t have fit. He was somehow able to find something for her to wear that would fit her large frame, and when she was dressed he sat down, waiting for her to explain herself.

“I…. I hoped that nothing would come of that night,” she finally said after some silence, “because if something happened, then leaving this world behind would’ve been nearly impossible for me to do.”

“But something did happen.”

Midna nodded, not looking at him. Link sighed, the goddesses weren’t merciful to him. His prayers were not answered. He wasn’t there for Midna, he didn’t watch his son grow up, he wasn’t there when he said his first word. To Kori, Link was a stranger, not a father. And Midna had to raise him all by herself. A lump in his throat formed and his stomach felt hollow.

He should’ve stopped that night.

“As princess of the twilight realm, when I’m supposed to have a child, she should be a female, so that the monarchy can pass on. But I had a son, and he wasn’t fully Twili… that scared some people. They thought that he was going to bring destruction to us.”

Link’s heart sank. She didn’t have to say, he knew.

“They hurt him.”

“I’ve been trying to find a way back here so he could be safe… as soon as I found a way… he… got hurt badly by my advisor.”

Her breath hitched at the memory, and Link grabbed her hand. She smiled at him, a small but genuine smile.

“He’s safe now. You both are.”

Midna stared into his eyes for a long moment.

“I missed you Link.”

He sucked in a breath. He’s missed Midna more than anything. He wanted to see her again, to talk to her again, to tell her about all of the things he’s experienced. But now that she was here, he didn’t find anything to say. He didn’t make a move to hug her, to cry, he just felt… awkward. Midna’s smile went down when he said nothing, and she gently rubbed his hand.

“I know I hurt you. And it’s not right of me to ask this of you but… I was hoping that Kori could stay here… he’ll be safer here, with you.”

“Safer here? Yeah I won’t hurt him, but I can’t say the same for Ordon. How do you know that everyone here will accept him? How do you know that they won’t be scared of him too?”

Midna finally looked at his eyes.

“Because they’re your family Link, you have a better influence over them than I over my people.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Just because I’m the princess doesn’t mean they listen to me. It’s complicated but clearly I couldn’t do anything to protect him from my advisors. Your family loves you, they trust you, they’ll try to understand you.”

Link pulled his hand away, staring at Kori.

“So you expect me to raise him here then… alone…?”

“No. Not alone.”

Link looked up at Midna, a sliver of hope forming within him.

“We both made a mistake that night Link, neither one of us should get off scot-free, it takes two to make a child,” she grabbed his hand and continued to stare into his eyes, Link’s heart beating against his chest, “and it takes two to raise one.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, and the past two years separated withered away for them. When they were together now, it was almost as if they were never apart.

“I can't abandon the twilight realm, but every new moon I will visit, I will be here, but I just need Kori to be safe.”

Link looked down and their clasped hands, then at the sleeping child. An overwhelming feeling of protectiveness came over him, and he nodded. “I understand Midna… I promise I’ll keep him safe.”

Midna smiled. “I knew you would. Trust me, I wouldn’t ask this of you if nothing bad happened but—“

“Don’t apologize. I’m his father, it’s like you said, it takes two to make a child, and two to raise one.”

Midna stared at him for a long moment, then she leaned in, Link’s heart nearly thumping out of his chest. He wanted so badly to show how much he missed her, he wanted to scream to the heavens on how happy he was to see her again, but… he felt too much pain for it to be perfectly fine. He turned his head away.

“I’m sorry Midna… there’s a lot more we need to talk about.”

Midna let out a sigh and smiled.

“That’s fine, I’m staying for a while anyways. Let’s talk.”

Abfdgjfjllljffhk AGH THE KIDDO 😭

You were right thatLink was depressed whewwwww he’s got a lot on his mind (who wouldn’t?) poor guy. And KORI oh no hurting him just because he’s not a girl??? Midna better give that guy what for

This was so goooood, thanks for sharing it :D

[nihiltism]

is it true that you cant follow from tumblr sideblogs. would it just be better if i made a Separate Blog if i do wanna be pseudo-anonymous or would that just be a pain (kinda-nsfw-but-not-really-just-personal-vent in the tags also sorry)

[sebastiansvertebrae]

Gorgeous art as always I especially love the human Sebastian just because I love everybody's design of human Sebastian I just I love him I love this man more than anything

Some silly little things I did to pass the time in my classes the past couple days because I have a mental illness

I love drawing these stupid fish man.. OH YEAH AND THE LITTLE CRITTER THERE BELONGS TO @cyanide-cafe <33

A couple close ups on the undercut :3

[mx-misty-eyed]

remembering the time i was complaining about concert tickets being expensive and my former friend casually just said you could just rent an apartment near a venue for $500 a month so you wouldn’t have to pay for tickets

like. average rent in the us is over 1k (not to mention apartments in a big city where all the concert venues are would probably be more). and that’s not even considering, yknow, leases and security deposits and whatnot. your father is a millionaire landlord and you claim to be a socialist (despite saying that all people should work to, yknow, live while defending ur dad evicting an unemployed drug addict). why do you think that you can just casually rent an apartment for $500 so you don’t have to pay for concert tickets.

[vociferans]

THIS IS HOLO PRODUCTION'S CEO/PRESIDENT.

[iatrophilosophos]

Hey I'm hearing uh. More, and more, and more buzz about GLP-1 agonists like ozempic from random ppl and healthcare providers alike and there's like a terrifying lack of lucidity abt it so I just wanna say, if you've heard some stuff and are curious:

Ozempic is a chemically-aided crash diet. That's it.

Like metformin, an older diabetes medication used off-label for weight loss, it's functioning as an appetite suppressant in this use-case. It's not magic; it's not changing how your body makes or uses fat; it just makes it less miserable to eat less. It is contraindicated by histories of disordered eating and should absolutely not be prescribed without a full screening for above-adequate food intake and nutrition *and* ongoing screening for adequate nourishment/malnutrition: this is broadly not happening.

I've also seen no indication that ozempic/GLP-1 agonists are any less likely to lead to weight cycling (w/o constant use) than a straight crash diet, or do anything meaningful to limit the known, significant health risks of weight cycling.

Nothing has changed:

The main things we know from a western scientific perspective about weight and weight loss are that 1) almost all people who lose significant weight gain it back and 2) weight cycling causes cardiovascular and metabolic health complications. Yall we aint even have strong evidence to suggest that weight loss is beneficial to health conditions associated with higher weights. This *should* point to Dr's never ever reccomending weight loss (we do know it can hurt, don't know it can help) but yknow we live in uhhhh fucking world.

We are possibly ripe for an aggressive intensification of anti-fat medical rhetoric, especially in pediatrics

Among the projections for an RFK FDA that ive gotten from folks i know in these fields is a renewed focus on childhood obseity and general military-style fitness. As the ozempic fad has already been ramping up, I'm kinda! concerned! about this being a major point of focus for the oncoming administration--i figure we're ripe for another mass diet craze associated with a wide variety of deaths anyway and that existing cultural+market inertia added to it being literally on the agenda spells some not great things. I really seriously reccomend paying extra attention to this area.

Clinics love ozempic because it's extremely popular and extremely profitable--i even know someone who's job was threatened for refusing to prescribe it. We already know that we cant trust doctors to be informed around weight or for the system to sound public alarms.

Obviously, people have the right to do whatever they want--but the disclosure just isn't there and people are being sold this stuff based on the idea it'll make them *healthier* and prevent disease. It can't and it won't.

If the claims here about weight in general are new to you, start here: (Don't love the title of the article, second the exasperation)

If you want to understand more about glp-1 agonists specifically, like, start with the Wikipedia article and do some googling it lays out the pharmacology in relatively plain language. Sry i ain't doing a buncha work to find citations ppl won't click; there's not a lot of good critical stuff out there that's actually published but it doesn't actually take a lot of reading up on critical weight science to form a critical take on the sources singing ozempics praises.

Peace, good luck, do whatever you want forever, maybe tell ur mom that this isn't any different from the disastrous weight loss fads of the 90s.

[lil-elle]

They're taking over

RIIZE when you give them a Hickey

pairs: bf!riize x fem!reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, established relationship

word count: 1.2k

content: kissing and making out, marking

a/n: guys i love shotaro (and Anton a little)

Shotaro:

Sees it in the mirror, blushes and smiles, a small amused yet slightly embarrassed giggle escaping his throat

He'd go up and show you embarrassedly, wanting your help to cover it up and giggling when you blush and apologise

He'd only get you to cover it up if he was going out or had work, otherwise he'd leave it, blushing and smiling whenever he caught a glimpse of it in a reflective surface

He'd just love it so much, sees it as proof of how much you love him

Would never push you to give him more, but would always be happy whenever he finds one on him after a makeout session

-

Eunseok:

His eyes would go wide upon seeing it, rubbing it with his fingers thinking it's a stain of some kind and beginning to blush when it doesn't come off and he processes what it is

He'd be surprised at the way his stomach turns at the sight, very obviously happy (and maybe a little turned on) by it

He'd go up to you and wait for you to notice it, once you do, he'd find amusement in the way your face goes red in embarrassment

He'd lean over, putting his lips up to your ear and whispering “I wouldn't be mad if you gave me these more often…” his tone deep and suggestive, leaving you dazed

The idea of giving you one too the next time you're making out would pop into his head and he wouldn't hesitate to press his lips to your neck

-

Sungchan:

Would go wide eyed at first and then just smirk, not too shocked as he knew it'd happen eventually but also strangely happy and proud of you for doing something so bold to him

Wouldn't even try to cover it up, doesn't see it as too much of a big deal but loves the way you blush and stutter when you notice it's there, apologising quietly

The type to be like “what about it?” if someone pointed it out, nonchalant on the outside and cocky on the inside

Would want to give some to you when you next make out but he'd always ask first, just in case (but once you said yes he'd probably get carried away and leave too many)

“I marked you, now I want you to mark me too” it's so much better for him if you both have them, but he also might not let you cover yours up so be careful 🤕

-

Wonbin:

He'd just stand there staring at it for a moment as his neck, ears, and cheeks began going red unknowingly

You'd come up behind him, first noticing his red face and getting ready to question/tease him until you notice why he's so red, going red yourself

He'd just be a series of “uhh"s and “um"s. I really don't think he'd know what to say, just mindlessly rubbing his fingers over it as he looks at you, his eyes travelling down to your neck unconsciously (yknow exactly what he's thinking about)

You'd cover it for him, apologising. Eventually he'd get out a “...You don't have to apologise…I kind of like it…” making you even more red but also giving you the determination to give him more next time

He wouldn't hesitate to immediately go for your neck the next time you're kissing a little too passionately. Seems you've accidentally awoken something in him

-

Seunghan:

He'd immediately smirk and chuckle, intrigued by your boldness to leave such a thing on him (but he's also definitely very turned on by it)

He'd sneak up to you, a big smile on his face, and point to it, loving how flustered you get and how you stutter to make an excuse/apology

Would fake scold you/tease you saying “why would you do something like this, I have work” but then he'd lean in, looking into your eyes and saying “I'll definitely need to get payback” in a super soft and lustful tone

And payback he will get, leaving your neck all purple and bruised the next time he gets the chance, smiling down at his work once he's done

Secretly he wouldn't want you to cover them up, loving the idea of you out and about, neck marked up so people know you're taken and stay away, but he'd never say that directly to you

-

Sohee:

Would blush super hard but also be really excited, smiling despite being embarrassed. He'd turn into a school girl basically, jumping around and giggling

It's something that'd reassure him that things were getting ‘serious’, that it wasn't just a small thing and you felt just as strongly about him as he felt about you

He wouldn't want to cover it just because he'd want to flex to the members even if they'd just tell him to stfu. He'd never flex with you around though, suddenly it becomes embarrassing to him if you're there (then the guys would tease him, saying he ‘switched up’)

The next time you make out, you'd definitely catch him unconsciously putting his hand on your head and pushing it down towards his neck, telling you without words that he wants you to give him more

He also wouldn't hesitate to give you some back, most likely getting carried away. You'd have to tell him to stop because otherwise his lips would always be on your neck and he'd never move on

-

Anton:

He wouldn't even be able to speak, locking himself in the bathroom as his hands roam that vanity looking for something to cover it with like your make-up. He'd be so so beet red, heart beating like crazy

He'd eventually have to leave the bathroom when he can't find your make-up, awkwardly walking up to you with his head down and just pointing weakly at the mark, still unable to speak

You'd just sit him down and cover it for him, embarrassed yourself but not as much as him. You'd actually be surprised at how harshly he's reacting, thinking he's upset with you. You'd end up looking guilty and forcing him to admit that he actually likes it

While you two are kissing, his mind would be picturing you giving him another hickey, lowkey wishing to see you move your head to his neck so he could feel your lips there again (although he'd rather die than say it out loud)

You'd be lucky to get him to give you one, he'd have to be really into it to even consider it, and once he does, he's really clumsy. He'd also end up going insane after seeing you with a mark he made on you, just so flustered and embarrassed

(BONUS: the members would tease him so bad for having a hickey, that's why he'd always want to cover them up. He knows that if they saw them, they'd instantly be all over him, asking tmi questions to make him embarrassed and jokingly calling him a player)

-

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

TAGLIST:

@hyunromi @chocoeon @hyunukitty @minjaezed @ihyeokzu @cake1box @chiiyuuvv

[slut4sugu]

𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍- (spencer reid x fem!reader)

𐙚˚ including: toothrotting fluff, Spencer being a sweetheart as per usual, Spencer’s hands omfg, season!10 reid>>, a little suggestive towards the end . 𐙚˚ authors note: didn’t really proof read much, and kinda got lazy towards the end hope y’all like it tho!

Dr. Spencer Reid, Pretty Boy, Kid, boywonder.

But to you? A sweet heart, though Morgan was on the dollar with pretty boy. Puppy dog eyes, a mess of curls, and his hands- dear god Spencer’s hands. Before you two even started dating you would tease him alongside Morgan and prentiss on occasion. Calling him cute or sweet was the norm between you two, over time however those words began to have some underlying meaning to them. Anyone taking a glance at you two wouldn’t have suspected romantic feelings were starting to develop, however the way your voice would soften when you called him Spence was telling to say the least. You two also didn’t make it exactly secretive when you practically jumped into Reid’s arms after coming back from a few days off after a mentally taxing case.

Rossi and Hotch both picked up on you and Reid’s shared closeness first, Hotch occasionally asking about you to Spence in private. Who would answer generally though the unmistaken dilation of his pupils hen your name was mentioned was a dead give away.

It wasn’t until you both walked into the bau months later hand in hand when you made it official to the team. (Who lets be real already knew about your relationship.) Penelope was even more cheery than normal on this day, promising to find you two the cutest couple mugs and matching keychains, plushies, anything and everything. JJ and Morgan were messing with Spence about how he even managed to ask you out, though when you revealed to the team that you made the first move a look of “yeah that checks out.” Was shared among the team.

times like these spent at Spencer’s apartment always managed to make you feel safe and so so loved. Sitting in silence together as Spence would read his 5th book of the night whilst you giggled at whatever rom com was on that night. The feeling of Spence’s body heat was almost like a melatonin, making you want to melt into him. Occasional kisses to your head and cheek would make your heart flutter and a dumb smile tug at the corner of your lips. Nights like these made you fall inlove with him even more. Recently however one certain thing about your boyfriend cemented this fact for you, his hands. His pretty veiny slightly toned hands, the way his fingers scanned the passages of the book was unreasonably attractive.

After a few minutes the couple bickering on the tv no longer had your attention rather it was your pretty boyfriends distracting hands. You noticed his forearms were veiny as well, the silver watch that clinged in his wrist was just the cherry in top. “Do you want me to read to you love?” Reid asked with a witty chuckle, thinking you were actually intersected in the contents of his novel. You hummed in response, “mm you can baby, but I was just looking at your hands, yknow you really are a pretty boy. You say calmly, not even realizing the words that came out of your mouth until you heard his adorable laugh. “My hands?” He asked with a smile, taking a glance at his own hands with a slightly amused look.

Sitting up you mentally cursed at yourself, burying your face in his neck. Amused and curious, Spencer put his book down on his nearby wooden nightstand. Taking a mental not on the page he left off on before admiring at your flustered state with a grin on his face. “They look pretty t’me..” you mumbled. You really didn’t how adorable you could be, it’s almost like you would purposely tease him with that sweet voice or yours and your child like mannerisms. Everything about you drove the fbi against insane, your laugh, your hugs, your sweet goodbye kisses, the way you’d run your fingers through his hair. You were his Eden, his safe place, his sweetheart. He smiled down at you before asking, “Why are you hiding angel? I would like to see your beautiful face.” Spencer admitted softly, which then prompted you to pull back and look at him shyly after a moment, “There she is, hi sweet girl.”

The butterflies in your stomach fluttered at the look he gave you, his eyes so full of love and admiration. A hint of teasing? Sure, nonetheless it made you feel giddy. Even more so when he pressed a kiss to your cheek, “you like me hands huh?” He asked teasingly you could feel his breath on your cheek as his voice softened, yet the way his words fell past his lips made you feel hot. “Shut up, forget I ever said anything.” You mumbled once more before feeling Spencer shift next to you, now laying on his side as he pulled you back into his warmth. His arms wrapping you up in a gentle yet loving hug, “How could I ever? Every word you say is like a sacred poem only I get to hear. Also it’s actually quite normal to be attracted to your partners hands, studies shown that women tend to prefer or even solely be attracted to a man with more rough hands because of the apparent sex appeal-.” You let out a giggle, as you heard your boyfriend catch himself in the middle of his sentence. “You okay honey?” You loved messing with him, this was just too good. You could almost heard the connection he made into figuring out what was so fascinating about his hands. “My hands aren’t rough.”

You let out a laugh into his chest, Spence could really be unfairly cute and not even realize it “Pff- that’s what you take away from this?”

“No, we can address how you’re turned on by the apparent veins on my hands at a different time.”

“Unless you rather discuss that now-?”

“Sometimes I hate your hot little nerd brain.”

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

yknow we do a lot of like stevie realising she's transfem bc of a dare or like robin telling her about queer stuff and having a 'you can do that?' moment, but now im thinking of stevie who figures it out entirely on her own and doesn't know how to tell anyone. like she doesn't fully have the words and even with robin it's like. one thing to be gay but gender stuff is a whole other level and she has no idea where she stands on that

but like, stevie who used to play with his mothers makeup as a child, whose parents would laugh at his antics until he got too old to be so childish, time to act like a Real Boy. and every time he's supposed to act like One Of The Boys he thinks of how it felt when his mom would do his hair for him and comment on how alike they looked, and how much better that felt, and he knows that isn't normal, and he has to be normal

but after the upside down that really seems to matter less. nothings fucking normal anymore, why should steve be? so she starts branching out a little. breaks into her mothers closet again, tries on all the clothes she left behind when she went on her latest trip. slowly amasses a decent collection of makeup by going to several different stores over the course of months with the excuse of 'oh my mom/girlfriend sent me to pick up x'. she doesn't do the Whole Deal often, in case nancy comes over or later in case the kids suddenly ask her to drive them somewhere. doesn't do anything that can't be removed in like three seconds. and she's definitely never telling anyone about this. she doesn't know anyone who would understand.

after starcourt, she wonders about telling robin sometimes. like sure, stevie doesn't like men but she's still like. some kind of queer. robins the only other queer person she knows (and yeah, robin turning her down bc she was only into girls did sort of hurt, but it wasn't robins fault bc she didn't know, and also it turned out stevie just didn't understand what actual friendship felt like so it was for the best anyway), so if she can't tell robin who can she tell?

but something always stops her. robins technically never done anything that makes stevie think she'd be mean about it, but there's something like imposter syndrome keeping her mouth closed. like she's not the right kind of queer. like robins being queer the good and honest way and stevies just being some kind of freak. and yeah, she knows it's dumb to think like that and robin would call her a dingus if she said it out loud, but it sits pretty heavy in her heart

so it's not until after vecna, when stevies on the eddie shift in the hospital and eddie says, while high on possibly every drug in the world, 'man i spent all that time trying to grow my tits and bats ate an entire boob in under five minutes' and stevie goes ??? what???? and eddie, still too high to self-censor, makes some comment like yeah they weren't huge but that black market estrogen i got was finally working its magic, definitely had like an a-cup. rest in peace. and stevies like why were you growing boobs?? 'bc girls are supposed to have boobs, man, keep up'

and eddie passes out again like five seconds later, but stevie just sits there watching her snore with her heart about to beat out of her chest because. holy shit. she's not the only one. eddie might understand, might be able to help her, if she was able to grow her own boobs. stevie would love to grow her own boobs. she'd stuffed some socks down a bra once and they looked lumpy as hell but even just the suggestion of a bust had almost brought her to tears.

and suddenly, looking at the sleeping form of the first person stevie has ever met that she's ever had this so intrinsic thing in common with, everything doesn't seem so scary