#not realizing the direction the anime went in while different is still VERY good (much like with most old animes that take this approach)

[no1ryomafan]

Also making myself read again before I read other stuff that I need to read and the big o manga is scratching my brain after having seen the anime goood I wanna make some kinda of comparison post when I finish. (I’m only 4 chapters in but SO MUCH is different)

[i-love-ptv]

He Loves My Heart-Shaped Sunglasses

Felix Catton x Fem! Reader

You and Felix spend Valentine’s Day together. <3

Smut (lowk filthy) + Fluff

Wc: 2,550

An: Wanted to post this before v day, but i got sidetracked, thankfully pushed it out before the day ended :3

February 14th.

The day of love.

The day to show your special someone how much you care for them.

The day that’ll bring out the joy and excitement out of most, but will also bring out the bitter feelings of some.

Felix has never really favored Valentine’s day. He may be a soft romantic now; a year into your relationship, but before, he was used to hookups that led to his lonesome morning after. Hence why it was so hard for him to ask you out last year on this very day.

He spent hours in different shops; trying to find the perfect gifts for you. Obviously, this process would’ve gone by quicker if Venetia didn’t get distracted by the hundreds of soft stuffed animals every few minutes, and if Farleigh had even went.

“Please Farleigh! Surely you can help me! You know more about these things than I do!���

“No can do lover boy, besides, you have Vee going with you.” Farleigh had said with an amused smirk.

After a little more of groveling and begging on Felix’s end, Farleigh still didn’t budge. The fact that Felix had said that he wanted to “woo” you, hadn’t helped his case either.

The beaming lights of the shops reflecting off of the bright pinks and reds had Felix’s head starting to ache.

He had settled on getting you a bouquet of red roses, a basket of your favorite snacks, and some other little goodies.

That day when you saw one singular rose on your desk in your english class, the last person you expected to be nervously glancing in your direction was Felix.

After a long, panic-filled conversation with the blubbering boy, you two had finally become official, and Felix swears to this day, that it was the best day of his entire life.

Now, Felix has gotten a bit better at buying gifts for you. He knows you like the back of his tattooed hand. But he can’t help but feel nervous to see you this morning. After all, you only have one, one year anniversary with your love.

Felix observed as the other students of Oxford were handing out gifts to their significant others. Felix couldn’t help but think about how his presents for you were far more superior to everyone else’s.

He had been so distracted, that he hadn’t noticed you walking up.

You tapped on his shoulder and he had nearly leaped out of his skin.

He quickly realizes who is in front of him, and grips you up like you were light as a feather.

“Angel! Oh my goodness you startled me! Happy anniversary sweet girl!” Felix says grinning, like he was looking at the brightest star in the galaxy.

“Happy anniversary my love,” you return through your giggles.

“Here! Here! Open the gifts I bought for you honey!” Felix rushes out as he’s pushing the bags into your hands.

You jokingly chide him for nearly knocking your things out of your hands, but quickly start digging through one of the bags.

He had given you one of his sweaters, a pair of heels you had been eyeing in town, a few other items, and most importantly, a beautiful ring covered in diamonds.

“S’not an engagement ring, not yet anyways, but a promise ring, because I promise to love you always and forever. Tha’s a bit too cheesy, isn’t it? Sorry, I had this whole thing I was going to say but-“

You cut his rambling off with a deep kiss to his rosy lips.

“Thank you Felix, I love it with my whole heart, baby.”You say while pulling away breathlessly.

Felix’s face started to hurt from the constant smiling, but the thought of that flew out the window as he remembered that you had gotten him something.

Felix had practically ripped through the big box you gave him; feeling like he was about to burst at the seems. You smile softly, imagining him with a wagging tail and perked up puppy ears.

You had bought a few articles of clothing, more cologne, a new book that he said he had been interested in reading, and of course, a stunning bracelet, that matched the exact same on dangling on your wrist.

After many more kisses, hugs, and sugary sweet words exchanged between the two of you, you both head to class.

Felix was counting down the minutes until he could see your dazzling face in front of him again. His class felt as if it had been going on for hours, and the fact that he couldn’t focus on his lesson for even a few minutes while thinking about you, wasn’t helping. His mind was drifting to what he had planned for the two of you later tonight.

You, on the other hand, were on the same boat as Felix.

All that consumed your mind was Felix; you’re sweet, dashing Felix.

You’re suddenly snapped out of your thoughts by your professor, who had agitatedly started lecturing you on the importance of focusing on class.

And finally, after multiple grueling hours, and a heated make-out session in a storage closet, classes for today were over.

Felix suggested that you two go into town, and go on a date to the cafe you both loved. At this point, it was your guys’ cafe; your designated spot, where you both can run away from the world and just enjoy one another.

After spending hours, which seemed like minutes, in the cafe, and throughout town, the two of you settle on going back to your dorm.

Normally, the two of you just go to Felix’s dorm, but his was still somewhat airing out from the smoke session you two had the night prior.

Although, the idea of you two walking through town sounded romantic at the time, you hadn’t thought into how long you two would be walking.

“‘Lex?” You call out softly. Felix immediately turns to you.

“Can you carry me? M’feet hurt honey.” You say with a slight pout, to get your point across.

Felix, of course, being the amazing boyfriend he is, quickly picks you up, bridal-style and carries you back.

You ask him multiple times if he was alright carrying you for so long, but after his reassurance and light nip to your nose, your worries are put to rest.

The two of you eventually settle on your bed, and you curl against Felix’s warm body.

“Wait, darling, I forgot a few things at my dorm,” Felix rushes out.

“Mmm, no ‘Lex, stay with me”

“It’ll only be a minute angel, I promise.”

Felix nearly doesn’t have the heart to pull you off of him, but he can’t afford to keep you from your final gift for much longer.

He leaves with a quick kiss to your forehead and nose, and goes to retrieve the items from his dorm.

He comes back and spots you sitting up on the bed with what he thinks is nothing, but his shirt on, and strawberries. You had also opted for a can of whipped cream, instead of melted chocolate, because after last time, you didn’t want to endure the process of the chocolate staining your white sheets, and hardening as you two tried to use it.

“Wha’s this baby?” Felix says with a smirk as he inches towards you.

You feel his warm, hand on your calf as he reaches you.

“What? Did you really think we were going to go without some fun on our anniversary baby?” You say while looking up at him with longing.

“Unwrap your gift, Felix.”

The brunette boy wastes no time in stripping you from his your shirt.

There, he sees, the lacy brown lingerie covering your body; the brown being almost, if not fully, identical to the color of his dark brown irises.

Felix kisses your neck, leaving no area of skin unmarked with purple bruises.

“Mm, wait” He says as he leaves behind a slight strain on saliva on your flesh.

“Oh my god Felix, seriously?” You say with slight annoyance.

“Relax. I have something for you.” Felix chides.

Felix pulls out a box, containing a necklace; with his initials on it.

“D’you like it baby? I think it’ll be perfect, tha’way none of those other boys could even think they could have a chance with you.”

“Why boys, Felix?” You ask slyly, trying to push his buttons a bit.

“I say boys because, my angel..They could never fuck you like I do…Like a man.” He says lowly, showcasing the bass in his silky smooth voice.

You let out a whine at this; loving when he gets possessive over you, “put it on me Felix, claim me.” You purr.

He moves your hair out of his way, and puts the necklace around your neck, subtly grinding his hard, pulsing cock against the little fabric you had covering your cunt.

You let out a sigh, as Felix moans lowly in your love-bitten ear.

He then grabs a strawberry and stuffs it gently between your lips, making you bite down on it.

The juices trickle down your chin as he moves the fruit around inside of your mouth. He licks a stripe up from your throat to right below your lips.

He goes back and leaves a bite on your throat, making you tilt you head back with a sharp moan, giving him more access.

Felix kisses you roughly as he grabs the whipped cream. He squirts a line of the sweet cream onto your navel; watching it slowly glide down to your soaked core.

“God…’Lex don’t tease me,” you whimper meekly.

“But y’taste s’sweet, lovie.” Felix says, letting out a giggle that makes your pussy clench.

“Oh look at you, m’dirty little thing. Clenchin’ around nothin’,” Felix says smugly as he kisses down your warm body.

Abruptly, Felix dips down and licks a stripe up your achy cunt.

“Fuck ‘Lex!”

Felix grins at your shriek, as he presses sloppy kisses to your clit.

“…I thought I told you to stop teasing me baby,” you say, pushing his head down onto your cunt, prompting him to start licking and sucking where you want him to.

Your back arches off the bed as you squeal in ecstasy. You grab Felix’s hair with both hands roughly; he moans at this, which sends shockwaves through your body.

Felix fucks you with his tongue for what feels like hours, sticking his tongue in and out of your pulsing hole.

Felix feels your thighs trembling, making it clear that you’re close to reaching your climax.

Felix removes his mouth with a slick pop and a charming smile, making you cry out.

“Wait! Wait no. ‘Lex, why’d you stop? Baby. Baby please I need it. Put it back please-“

“Shhh, angel. M’gonna give you somethin’ better. Gonna give you this cock. Tha’s what you wanted, right?” Felix says pressing his lips to yours, again, and again.

Felix continues kissing you as he pulls down his pants and boxers, pulling out his stiff dick.

He rubs the tip against your folds, watching his precum drip against your wetness.

“Mmm, y’ready f’me sweetheart?”

“Please, please, please ‘Lex. I’ll be so good! So so good, I promise! Please give it to me! I need it!” You shout eagerly.

“God, you make me feel whole,” Felix says as he slowly pushes his cock into your heat.

“Thank you ‘Lex! Thank you! Oh fuck!”

Felix almost immediately starts thrusting in and out of you roughly, opening your legs wider as he plants his feet.

“Fuck babe! I swear y’made f’me. I thank any ‘n every god tha’ led us to each other, honey.” Felix says with a delicious groan.

“Shit! God that’s it baby. Don’t stop!” You say, reaching down to start toying with your clit.

Felix nips at your fingers; having noticed your dainty fingers rubbing circles. Silently ordering you to quit it.

You wrap your legs around his meaty torso tightly as he flicks at your puffy pussy.

“Oh! O’fuck! Right there! Mhm!” Felix feels as if he’s consuming your moans, picking up his already brutal pace to absolutely abuse your cunt. His main goal being to make you squirm in ways only he can.

“Uh huh? Yeah y’like that angel? Feels- oh f-fuck. Feels good doesn’it?”

Felix lets out more deep groans, with the occasional whine.

“‘Lex. ‘Lex, baby. M’cumming.” You rush out breathlessly.

“M’right there with y’baby, m’right here. Just, fuck, wait a second..Wanna come together, beautiful.” Felix says panting.

The only noises to be heard in the somewhat small dorm are the moans and gasps of two passionate lovers, and the squeaks and banging from the plush bed.

In any other scenario, you’d be pressing your hand around your mouth, stressing to Felix about the importance of staying quiet; not wanting to get more noise complaints. But right now, you could barely even think about where you are; focusing only on the circles being rubbed on your glistening cunt, and the feeling of Felix’s warm, almost candle-lit hot limbs touching yours.

Felix’s pace begins to falter, growing sloppier and sloppier with every thrust, showing signs of Felix nearing his blissful end.

“Yes! Fuck yes! Come f’me angel, please! Give it t’me! C’mon, y’know y’can, here hold m’hand.” Felix says, reaching his clammy hand to your already sweaty one.

“F-fuck! ‘Lex!”

In the span of seconds, the two of you are coming undone together, gripping each other’s hand so tightly.

You feel your climax shake through your entire body, making you jerk against Felix’s hold, as he tries to keep himself together.

Felix collapses softly next to you with a soft “holy shit,” making sure not to startle you in your hazy state.

He brushes the hair from your moist skin and peppers feather-like kisses onto your face, collarbone, and scalp; helping you calm down from your high.

You look at him bleary eyed, taking account of his wobbly smiles as he tries to catch his breath.

‘Does he ever stop smiling?’ You think to yourself.

“Hi honey,” Felix whispers.

“Hi baby,” you whisper back with a giggle.

“Y’so gorgeous, y’know that, angel?” He says, after softly pulling out and snuggling closer to you with a blanket.

“So i’ve been told,” you say, blinking sleepily.

“Wait, sweetheart. Y’can’t sleep yet! I gotta clean you up!” Felix says in a hurry, jumping out from underneath the blanket. He quickly walks over to his desk, which has a pack of wipes on it, and he finds a towel on his dresser.

You fight sleep, as Felix softly wipes you, making sure not to put too much pressure on your already sore cunt.

He sits you up a bit, putting on of his cozy sweatshirts on your frame and gently lays you back down.

He quickly puts a pair of boxers on once he hears your soft whines, begging for him to cuddle you.

He lays down and drapes your body on top of his.

The last thing you feel before drifting off is a sweet kiss being pressed onto your forehead.

“Happy Valentine’s Day lovie..and most importantly, happy one year anniversary.”

feedback always appreciated bb <3

[jisuto]

On the topic of game reception, what are your thoughts on the current state of pokemon?

OK THIS ASK WAS SENT BEFORE THE HUGE LEAK LOL but I have a lot to say:

I watched VHS tapes, played the games, and owned merch since a young age so the series is very special to me. But I don't like the current direction at all and it's not because of the designs or nostalgia. The quality and game performance plummeted so how can I enjoy playing when there's mad lag or low frame rate that hinders my progress and worsen the experience??

It took too many years for them to realize they need to put quality over quantity after the SWSH mess, seeing that they can get away with pretty much ANYTHING and still make huge profit. You see people say that Pokemon should've never went 3D and stay 2D but tbh, it's a series that improves it's graphics as technology advances so it's not a surprise for them to finally go 3D and personally I think that's fine but just keep it looking good and fun (though I would love a 2D/3D hybrid). XY introduced a lot of new features but still lacked in some aspects that still haven't really been solved or added.

Reusing assets is common in the industry but only to a certain extent. They claimed that SWSH was taking a while to make because they were making brand new models which turned out to be a lie and they look like bootleg figures with the new lighting. The 3DS models were ripped from Pokepark, including some animations, but a lot of them still barely have any character. They have their own in-house team (Creatures Inc) so they made the decision NOT to have pokemon properly animated or look alive.... Also they made spin-offs like Ranger, Colosseum, Pokepark, and Pokken which look AMAZING

FRLG took only one year while HGSS was being developed at the same time as Platinum and took 3 years to finish that turned into one of the best games and remakes ever made. As the franchise expands, the team also needs to add more manpower but Game Freak can definitely afford to get more resources to help them?? They can't continue having a ragtag team of like 20 people to make a game back then and do the same now then expect good results... Hire more people who know how create with current gen consoles IT'S COMMON SENSE PLS also I can't believe they had a different company create BDSP knowing how beloved and groundbreaking DPPT was?? No redesigns like the previous remakes and thought it was a good idea to keep it looking a carbon copy to the DS style...

Also it's shocking to see how fan reception can change how the devs direct the next gen ESPECIALLY when it's not even real constructive criticism?? When Unova came out, I remember seeing all the online outcry about "OH THEY HAVE AN ICE CREAM CONE POKEMON AND A TRASH BAG, THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS EW" then actually hear it being repeated at school.... I WAS TRYING TO SURVIVE SINCE DAY 1 IN THE TRENCHES DEFENDING THIS GAME IT WAS ALWAYS GOOD AND DIDN'T NEED 10 YEARS TO AGE WELL. It's crazy how these are the same people who want another Kanto when Trubbish is Grimer (garbage waste) and Vanillite is Voltorb (based on literal items) then you could not catch any other pokemon from different regions in the main game. And the leak confirmed that the disgruntled hate from the west made the devs not release new pokemon in B2W2 and move them over to XY instead AND NOT GIVE A SINGLE GEN 5 MEGA EVOLUTION. So we were robbed because of genwunners who were fixated on the wrong things and ignored all the great content Unova brought us. It's strange how players keep complaining they want a different and fresh game, but want it to continue being super formulaic and binary like wtf do you want make up your mind

None of the switch titles really got me invested and I always end up replaying the older games but hopefully PLZA will break the curse and finally give us a nice game. Also why don't we have more spin-offs on the switch if there's so many of them floating around like the DS had a bunch??? STOP BEING COWARDS I WANT A POKEMON NINTENDOGS GAME OR THAT FIRE EMBLEM CROSSOVER WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET. I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN AGAIN ;w;

[crguang]

not fuckboy Kafka being a fuckboy on accident, that is honesty kind of funny, but I am still running…towards her.

ok but Kafka in the firefly animation was kind of funny for some reason. she was also really hot in the animation but Elio definitely told her to be there, so she’s just sitting on a space while waiting for something and she’s just drinking. I was looking through firefly’s story and there was nothing about Kafka 😔 except for when she’s recruited and only mentioned as “the woman” there was stuff abt silver wolf and blade, so obviously everything abt her is going to be plot relevant when she shows up very soon in the main story.

Also Kafka at the interrogation scene was so silly. Like they took her jacket, her contacts and wiped off her lipstick for what? her back and her shoulders do be looking fine tho people like me are why there’s dress codes in school and her eyes are gorgeous, like she looks so much softer when you can see her pupils, she’s so pretty.

your post abt how Kafka slows her speaking was very interesting and I’d like to know how her va was directed for those scenes, and I definitely need to rewatch the interrogation again I’ll def get distracted

Speaking of her voice actor, Cheryl texiera was so good on the white night cover. Her belting was amazing. Definitely feeding my headcanons for my university au. In aural class you have to sing notes (from my research) to prove that you can tell the difference or smth, and I just think it’s be funny that reader would be so mad at Kafka for having perfect pitch and having a good voice and generally just being good. I’ll write whenever my actual uni isn’t kicking my ass.

-🌠

fuckboy kafka’s lowkey a loser when you think about it… that’ll make more sense in the next part but the unnecessary things she does as proof that she cares are so silly. firefly’s trailer was so good i remember losing my mind when kafka was shown at the end because it was so unexpected 😭 but she did look gorgeoussss, my timeline was just profile pictures of this for a while hdjdhdj. she needs to put that glass down she’s always gotta be drinking something like let’s start carrying a water bottle baby (i love exaggerating her unhealthy habits). i also love that the trailer confirmed kafka was the first SH recruited even tho i already knew like yess prove me right hoyo

TRUST ME KAFKA’S COMING BACK 2.7. like she is just trust me she’ll be back so soon beautiful as ever i just know it…

i love the interrogation scene of the luofu i think it’s my favourite, i remember squealing when she walked in the frame without her coat like i was a victorian man seeing a woman’s ankles for the first time— at the time i hadnt checked anything about her so when i saw her without her coat i realized that she was mostly wearing it to look good (she cut holes into it to pass her arms through them instead of it being over the shoulders like himeko bc she wears fancy long sleeves… just unnecessary?3!4?) then i read her character description in the archives and it said she loved collecting coats i was like “i knew it…”

SHE DOES LOOK SO MUCH SOFTER RAHHHHHH. she’s much less intimidating and i love it so bad because we were seeing her without her defenses for the first time + we got to see her full design (it’s my favourite). they took her jacket and contacts/wiped her makeup cause she actually got arrested so they likely needed information like eye color and fingerprints etc, plus she was hiding three grenades, two rifles and a sword like i’d confiscate that stupid ass coat too. i think the funniest part is that she went back for it afterwards 😭

ALSO YES THAT WHITE NIGHT HIGH NOTE CHANGED MY LIFEEEEE LIKE HSR IDOL/BAND AU WHEN???? i need that university au im gonna email your profs to cut you some slack so you can write because im itching just at the idea of an academic rivals story with her… hope your classes aren’t too stressful tho!

[togglesbloggle]

Free Will is a Value Statement

When I was a kid, we had a dog.  It didn’t go well.

This particular dog- one of several in my childhood, and the only time it went awry- loved us very much, and we loved him too.  But when it came to strangers, he was very aggressive, and very dangerous, and not fully under our control.  We’d have to lock him up when there were visitors to the house, and even then it was less ‘barking’ and more ‘baying of hounds’, and unlike some animals he didn’t suddenly turn nice when he was in the same room with them.  And he was large, much too large for this to be safe.  Things came to a head when my mom was taking him for a walk and he started threatening a small kid playing in their own yard, and she came back terrified that if he ever got out, somebody would be badly hurt.

I remember quite clearly the conversation where my parents told me we couldn’t keep him.  They’d made the unfortunate choice to feed me cookies at the same time, to make the bad news go down easier; the net result is that there’s a specific brand of cookies that, to this day, I still can’t eat.  They just turn to ashes in my mouth.

(The good news is that, against all odds, it seems the ‘farm upstate’ that they sent him to was actually real.  They literally saved the receipts, so that when I got old enough to realize what that kind of story usually meant, they could give me proof that they hadn’t lied.  He did live what I believe to be a happy life in what was, more or less, a wild animal sanctuary.  Not all dangerous animals are so lucky, but sometimes, they are.)

The reason to dredge this up is to notice how unthinkable it was for any of us to call him ‘evil.’  Even when he was straining at the leash as hard as he could snarling and growling at a three year old, he wasn’t evil.  ‘Dangerous’, yes.  ‘Violent’, certainly.  But not that, not ever.

And that’s how it works, right?  We recoil at using the E-word for pets, young children, anyone that’s enough weaker than we are.  Evil-as-an-adjective is for peers and superiors, things which present a genuine threat to us.  You can watch this change for the natural world in real time- us moderns watch nature documentaries about predators avidly, and not as horror films, but our received culture still has ancient fairy tales about the ‘big bad wolf’ that date from before our conquest of Earth’s ecosystems.  What a difference a little power makes!  What was once a real and imminent fear, and a central figure in the atlas of evil, has withered away to a narrative archetype with no material referent, while the wolves themselves become objects of admiration and wonder, or a focus of conservation efforts, in direct proportion to our own sense of security against them.

And maybe you’re not the sort of person who thinks about evil much at all, which is honestly a pretty good strategy most of the time.  It can often obstruct thinking more often than it clarifies.  But even if you don’t, I’ll bet you still think about ‘justice’ a fair bit- and that follows the same rules, for about the same reasons.  The punitive and remunerative kinds of justice, anyway.  Was it some kind of punishment, to have that part of my family broken away when I was a child?  Was my dog’s loss and confusion something he deserved?  Of course not.  It was just- disharmony, I suppose.  We couldn’t find a way to put the world right, and so we suffered instead.

And yet when we reach a certain level of direct personal injury or threat of injury, especially by human causes- political enemies, alien people, angry mobs- then, almost without fail, we find ourselves reaching for this idea of justice.  (And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?) Show me, anywhere in the world, where a person has in all sincerity called for justice- and I’ll show you someone who feels weak.

Now, I can point at sentences like ‘my dog was not evil,’ and it should be pretty clear that I’m making a value statement, rather than expressing mundane factual belief in the same mold as ‘grass is green.’  That is, I’m not disputing any mechanism of action, or trying to explain why events occurred as they did.  I’m not giving you information you could use to prevent this from happening to you too, much as I hope you can.  I’m telling you how I feel, about what I want, about who I am.  I’m telling you about my grief.

Loosely speaking, you can imagine beliefs falling along a spectrum.  Don’t take this typology too seriously, it’s just a useful distinction to make for present purposes.  The first extreme of our spectrum is just the observational set of beliefs- the ‘sky is blue, grass is green’ category.  These are especially good for making plans that work, since they model a system that we usually want to work with in some capacity.  If you don’t want to fall off a cliff, it helps to have a good map. The second type is imperatives or value statements, beliefs about how to direct our efforts.  ‘Murder is bad’ is a belief like any other, but instead of telling us how to accomplish a goal, it tells us what goals we ought to have and what ends we should work towards.  (Moral realists will think of this second category as being a subset of the first; that’s perfectly reasonable but orthogonal to my point.).  Both types of belief are absolutely necessary for acting in the world: the means and the end, if you like.  

Here’s where I reveal my thesis:  When, honestly, was the last time you used the concept of free will to make a plan?

“People have free will” sure feels like a factual belief, from the inside.  It’s a description of who we are, right?  Like saying we usually have two legs, like saying the Earth goes around the Sun?  Only… it isn’t doing any of the things I do with factual beliefs.  It doesn’t make predictions, it doesn’t expand my capacity to act on the world.  If anything, ‘free will’ as a concept has a weird twisty negative definition (often something like ‘nonrandom indeterminacy’) that resists analysis of the reductive kind we usually use for this sort of thing.  

And if we look at how it’s positioned in the grand constellations of human thought, it’s awkwardly conjoined with a lot of the other things I’ve been talking about here.  Good, evil, justice.  I use my belief in free will a lot when I’m talking about culpability or praiseworthiness, when I’m deciding what to act towards, when to cheer and when to boo.  

I use it when I’m feeling weak.

Or, less personally, think about where ‘free will’ crops up in our court system.  And it does, in more than a few guises.  For example, altered states that compromise our volition are taken into account, and might even qualify as fully mitigating circumstances that tell the court not to punish the transgression.  (“I was not negligent on that construction site, your honor, I’m a diabetic and I was having a blood sugar crash.”)  In other cases, such as in murder charges, malice aforethought or planning the crime carefully might upgrade the sentence to be more harsh, whereas a crime ‘of passion’ might net fewer years in prison. (First-degree versus second-degree murder.)  What all of these have in common, notably, is in assessments of culpability, relevant to the question of how strongly the community wants to punish or condemn the situation.  But when it comes to the presentation of evidence, the chain of material observations that we use to establish confidence in the story of ‘what happened’, we invoke ‘motive’ instead- that is, we ask what benefits, inducements, insults, or other circumstances might have led the defendant to commit the act.  “Your honor, the accused is ordained with free will and is capable of choice,” is, notably, not considered sufficient to establish motive- but “your honor, the defendant was listed in the victim’s will as a primary recipient, and they were seen to have a large argument two days before the murder,” very much is.  Interesting discrepancy, no?  When we ask whether we should condemn others or show mercy, we care deeply about the defendant’s capacity to exercise free choice.  But when we ask material questions about what happened, trying to get a clear picture of the world as it is, we instead ask where the defendant is positioned in a causal web of material and social circumstances.

It’s hard, really hard, to reliably tell when our beliefs are about facts, describing things other than ourselves, and when they’re doing something else, paying rent in other ways.  But I notice, when I was a little kid crying in the car, I never once asked whether any of this was my dog’s fault.  It’s not that I didn’t know whether he had free will or not; it’s that it didn’t occur to me to ask.  I asked if it was my fault, certainly.  I’m sure my parents did too.  But we never asked if it was his, whether he’d decided to be this way.  That’s just not what ‘free will’ as a concept was for.

So, am I saying there’s “no such thing as free will” in the sense that I’m saying humans are fully deterministic and mechanistic?  Nah, not really.  To reiterate: I’m not saying that I have any confidence whatsoever that humans are deterministic, mechanical agents.  I think there’s plenty of room for consciousness to complicate the story of causality in ways I can’t anticipate; there’s every chance that human brains aren’t just billiard balls bouncing around in a universe running on linear algebra or whatever.  But I don’t think that ‘free will’ as currently discussed is in any sense an alternative to that model, either.  What I’m trying to say is that ‘free will’ isn’t really a claim about what the world is like at all.

The opposite of a belief in free will isn’t ‘I assert humans are chemical robots governed by deterministic electrochemical reactions’.  Instead, the opposite is ‘I am not angry at you for hurting me.’  Free will is a value statement.

Remember that ‘rate my dog’ parody account, and the central joke was that all the dogs got scores of like 12/10 or whatever?  And the punchline to it all, when somebody tried to call them out on the uselessness of a rating system that always stayed maxed out: “They’re good dogs, Brent.”  If I were at a high enough perch- strong enough, wise enough, safe enough- then that same optimism, I think, is the only part of my need for justice that would survive.  True power doesn’t rank humans from best to worst, or spend time blaming us for outcomes that cause suffering to ourselves or to others.  It doesn’t need to.

[koalaforlife]

Happy Birthday, Hange Zoë

This is a story of how Hange became one of my favorite characters now after so long, and how I think they are one of the most underrated characters, always pushed aside (probably due to a lack of an emotional backstory and lack of the relatability factor). 

For starters, I will note that I will most likely end up referring to them as she/her because in my mind (thanks to the anime), I can’t help but see this character as a female and honestly, I’ve been struggling for Idk, all my life? to find a female character in any media that ticks all the boxes for me (I have plenty of ultimate faves in terms of male characters instead) and to my utmost surprise now, I think Hange just might be the one so allow me to fulfil my long-time desire of finding a great female character that I can call my ultimate favorite.

Also, it's important to mention that for the longest time, my favorite AoT characters had been Levi (ultimate bias) with Erwin coming in a veeeery close second. 

Let me start with the beginning. When I first saw her in the first season of SnK, the exaggerated reactions that were meant to be comic relief only made this “mad/obsessed” character more cringe to me. Not to say I hated them, I just…got second-hand embarrassment from watching them. I didn’t quite get a good grasp of the character and probably like 90% of the fandom, I just saw them as just another character fading in and out of the background, that at times helps the plot advance with some new bits of info.

Then, at some point, I probably saw some cool scenes of them that gave me a pleasant surprise (eg. when she threatens to push Pastor Nick off the wall) but as I was getting distracted by other, more impactful and shocking scenes, I wouldn’t really think much of it and I didn’t actually use them to form a full character portrait/depiction in my mind. These scenes, few and far between, were forgotten in the end.

When I became a more active reader and passionate fan, about 4 years ago I would say, somehow I ended up learning about the pair LeviHan, and it really won me over with their dynamics. Whether people choose to ship them romantically or not, there is nothing that can deny the fact that they had a special friendship in canon AoT. 

In any case, to my shame, I have to admit I started paying attention to Hange because of that ship, and though I didn’t realize it at that time, I liked her for the most part because of that ship. So basically, I liked her because of my favorite character, Levi. Of course, I still liked the legendary trio, Erwin, Hange, Levi, but again, I don’t think I was that attached to her as a singular character.

Soon after, I dropped out of fandom when the manga took a really weird turn for me. I started disliking it and it went on for a while. I lost my hope in it getting any better. I don’t know why it affected me THIS much but I can only assume it had something to do with my mental state back then. 

Now, after almost 4 years, I reprised the manga and watched the final season of the anime. I felt differently, way more tolerant and accepting of whatever direction the story was going to take. And I can’t say I am unhappy with it, I just think that certain parts seemed like cliches and overused tropes, which is not very characteristic of Isayama, but oh well. I think the poor man was exhausted and wanted to finish it asap, and I can’t blame him. 

Speaking of mental health, a few months back I had gone through a major shift where I started thinking more positively overall. I think this is important to mention because it’s probably why I also saw Hange with such different eyes this time. 

And, I think this is also why I finally got ready to read the rest of the manga, despite knowing she dies. That was the only spoiler I got, and when I first heard it years ago, I was “disappointed, but not surprised” - at that time like I said, I had lost all hope in the manga. And once again, I had felt more sad about it because of Levi, who’s lost everyone he cared for deeply and who understood him. Once again, I had failed to see Hange as a singular character with massive importance in the story, instead of just a convenient accessory to Levi. 

So why is this character important? There are many reasons why she was integral to the story, and inspirational to us readers, so I will try to summarize all that.

1. Open-mindedness

I don’t think most people remember (I know I didn’t) how she was the only one who first tried to challenge our perspective on titans. 

For decades, we've tried to fight the Titans with hatred in our hearts. I want to try and see them from a different angle than the current norm.

Call it maybe foreshadowing, or just Isayama trying hard to come up with a unique, arguably crazy character (that’s what I thought at the time), but when you think about it, it’s something that was desperately needed. When you don’t understand and know something, try to look at it from a different point of view. When you are afraid of something and the situation is dire, try to dare to hope there might be something good in it.

Armin: They decided we're devils without knowing our intentions? Why won't they consider a path of peace?

Mikasa: I think...because they don't know. They fear us because they don't know what we are.

Hange: That's right. They won't trust people whose faces they haven't seen. So let's meet 'em! If you don't understand something, go figure it out! Isn't that what we Scouts do?

That positivity, openness, and exuberance shines throughout most of the scenes we get with Hange in the first season, and when things get serious in Season 2, we also get a glimpse of their duality: though they were someone that faced titans with excitement, they were not to be messed with when it came to protecting people.

2. Humanity  / Emotional Intelligence

That duality becomes more apparent in Season 3, where we see them shine on their own. And btw, one of my kinks in this season/arc was the fact that the OP, goated trio, EruRiHan, were each on their own having to call the shots and contribute to the team’s success with little to no communication at times. Fills my heart with warm fuzzy feels and pride :D Anyway back to Hange. :D 

Hange displays some nice people skills as she is trying to tie the “reputation” loose end and clear their names and seek answers, truth, and justice, by collaborating with Flegel, Roy, and Beaure.

Some notable quotes here are the following:

[speech to flegel] Well, you have a point. The thing is, that doesn't sound like living to me. Look at it this way, Flegel. Instead of scampering around like a scared little mouse your whole life, wouldn't you rather face up to your enemy, even if it means risking your life--?

and one of my most favorites,

“What are you talking about? Defeat is all the Survey Corps have ever known. (said with a fucking sunshine on their face, because they are literal sunshine)

And when all is cleared up,

Levi: Looks like the gamble paid off.

Hange: Yeah. It wasn't just Erwin though. The lone choices of many managed to change the world.

This sentence  just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside because it sounds inspirational to me: it's the small things we can all do that help shape the world, and it's not just the more inspirational, brave, and special people that bring change, it's all of us.

If for some reason the previous scenes weren’t enough to see what an empathetic and people-oriented person she was (eg. when she tries to befriend Eren, Levi and his friends, when she gives Sasha a potato as thanks, when she admits she wasn’t going to harm Pastor Nick, and was visibly disturbed by his death)….well this line I think perfectly shows how Hange encompasses teamwork, people’s unity, compassion, friendship. 

3. Mental Strength

However, at the same time, they are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Just like pretty much every relevant character in this story, they have to kill (or torture) to survive or to help humanity. That ability to know what needs to be done and get it done comes with a certain life experience and maturity that a lot of our main characters still have to achieve, which is probably why Hange gets overlooked as she already is a matured, developed character for the most part of the story, who doesn’t really need to make any life-altering decisions that shape their personality in one way or another.

But for me, that was a plus, actually. Don’t get me wrong, I love Armin’s growth, Conny’s development, Reiner and Annie’s inner conflicts, Historia’s whole arc, and some other minor character developments (Sasha and Ymir). But I can’t help but admire Hange now when I look at a more complete picture: a person with love for knowledge and love for life, but with a feral instict and strength to protect that same thing she loves - the lives of innocent people and the access to truth and knowledge.

There are people I want to bring back, too. Hundreds of them. I've had to say farewell since the day I joined the Scouts. But...You know, don't you? No matter who it is, there comes a day to say farewell. I know it's impossible, but you have to accept this. There will be times you can't keep your sanity. It's tough. Very tough. I know. Even so, we have to keep moving forward. 

4. Honesty and Accountability

Hange is blunt ("I agree. I thought it should've been used on Erwin...") and always takes responsibility for her decisions especially when she knows it might affect someone's mental state. ("The decision was mine. You were just a factor."/"I said the decision was mine."). I don't think people appreciate how important this is.

5. Flaws

When she gets overwhelmed with politics, responsabilities, and stress, and overpowered by the Jagerists, it is almost humiliating to see her cuffed and rendered useless, unable to do anything but follow the stronger ones. You can see how she slowly realizes that this surpasses her abilities to tackle the politics and the grim reality that the world most likely wants them dead. Defeated, she says

Erwin, you only made one mistake in your life. Why did you make me a commander?

I am sure some people would agree with her, but honestly, I disagree. First, there was literally no better option. Second, Erwin had an ability to see, understand, and manipulate people. If he nominated her, he must have believed in her enough, just as he believed in Levi and Armin when he entrusted them with crucial tasks. And third, some may argue that Erwin would have handled the situation better. But while Erwin might have probably been less stressed and overwhelmed with the political discussions, the reality would still be the same, and he would have had to work with the same equations and factors: world wants them dead, eren doesn’t want to sacrifice historia, eren wants the rumbling, what’s there to do? what could have Erwin done better in these circumstances? 

This new side of Hange’s character is really sad, but it makes her relatable in my opinion. I know a lot of people find other characters relatable instead, but for me this part right here speaks more to me than others. This sort of impostor syndrome (which Armin also suffers from), and the clear showcase of a character’s flaws and failures for the first time (when did we see Hange fail before?), all these things bring her down from the sort of “great character with no mistakes” pedestal and make her seem more like…us.

How many times did we not get some huge responsibility that we felt we were not good enough for, and doubted ourselves? Be it a project at work, leading a team, parenting, or even simple things like not being good enough at some hobby that you want to pursue, or good enough to be in a relationship with someone. These doubts are human and okay to have, and there's nothing wrong with that, but...

6. Resilience 

But what’s important is to keep moving forward and do your best, do whatever you can to change the outcome for the better, and if you fail, don’t go too hard on yourself. Hange knew that she did all she could, and she kept moving forward, even though she felt so down at times and almost as if she wanted to give up. 

Looks like my turn has come...even though I thought I did the right thing. Times change and you end up in a cell....What do you say we live out here, forever?

[a few moments later]

Levi: There's no way in hell you can stay out of the action.

Hange: Yeah, I can't. (bittersweet smile)

She does what she does best: she moves forward. She saves Levi and nurses him back to health, risking both of their lives in the process (I guess she was possessed by Erwin’s gambling spirit? :D or she was just THAT determined to ensure their survival). She seeks to form an alliance with the remaining survivors, including the Marleyans. 

In the forest scene, you could say that she is the one presiding over them, and the funny thing is, she does it while cooking dinner. It’s kind of symbolic if you ask me, as food is crucial to our survival, but it’s also something that brings people together. 

7. Integrity

One of the most powerful quotes in my opinion, is this one

I’ll be damned before we justify genocide somehow.

[manga: There is nothing anyone can say to change my mind about that.]

It really showcases her determination to save human lives and a core belief that makes her just more admirable in my opinion: genocide is wrong.

But I'm sure none of them would have been so selfish as to say..."as long as the island has freedom, that's all that matters."

Her demise is so characteristic of her - she’d always been fascinated with titans, but that never stopped her from killing them in order to survive and to save people’s lives. Her goodbye words to Levi and that lovely chuckle of hers once again reminded us of that familiar “all sunshine and rainbows” energy she always had. And then she fell like a burning star. 

The music choice couldn’t have been more perfect. I admit I didn’t even remember this song before, but now it’s one of my all-time favorites, and I can’t help but feel all kinds of bittersweet and nostalgic when I hear it now.

Hange is now my favorite character, up there with Levi, and irrespective of Levi and their relationship. I love her because to me she is relatable, because she encompasses pure things such as willingness to understand and accept things and people she doesn’t know, exuberance, love for life, and curiosity. I love her because of her duality- both flawed and strong, both sweet and menacing, and I love her because she never loses her integrity as a human being. Hange brought more to the story than most of us think, she wasn’t just comic relief or a vessel to share information about the lore, she brought our beloved characters together and nurtured them, and she was the embodiment of what the Survey Corps represented: exploration, understanding, and bravery. If Erwin was the mastermind that pushed them forward, and Levi the one that protected them the most, I like to think Hange was the glue that kept them together, and kept them going with her positivity and passion for life.

[demonslayedher]

Things that went through my mind while watching this episode:

--I think this was the episode that converted a lot of people who were on the fence about Uzui, that scene with Hinatsuru is just so tender that people cannot help but feel for him. The way they animate his fingers moving as Hinatsuru talks because their resting on her chin is such a nice detail. And then we get him pumped back up by the good news that he's found one of his wives alive, and we get that skid and change in direction the roof. So good!! So cool!!

--On that note, I'm just going to jump to the end of the episode because this episode was a very flashy Uzui sandwich. I think that given that we see Makio & Suma more often interacting with each other and Hinatsuru steals the spotlight for drama gives people the impression that she's the favorite or something like that, which makes me a bit sad because I read him as loving and cherishing all of them in different but egalitarian ways. All three are his most important treasures, and unfortunately we see Makio & Suma's immature sides come out most around him, and he seems to baby them in a way different from how he treats Hinatsuru like more of an equal (even though we see in this opening scene that she still speaks like someone subservient to him--that ninja training runs deep). Makio, though, I like that we get her flashback, as it brings out a very different, contemplative, sometimes anxious side of her character which keeps her from just being the hot-blooded one or something like tat. It's not a side she can show to just anyone, but someone as mature as Hinatsuru can draw it out. Suma, though? Let her be a simple bimbo. I love her. She's my favorite. She's adorable and I never get tired of seeing her crying as she tears a kunai through the obi.

--Right! That end of the episode! Uzui's grand entrance and twirling the swords around just to show off (he and Shinobu may relate to each other more than they think), and the perfect placement of a catchphrase. Fine!! Yes!!! I like the catchphrase now!!! I hated it more than anything at the Pillar Meeting, but yes, YES, GIVE ME UZUI TENGEN-SAMA!!!!

--Back to Tanjiro!! I forgot how long this one-on-one fight with Daki took and accidentally queued up my Nezuko reblogs too early. Nezuko is still just hanging out in her box as Tanjiro turns off the Water Breath and turns on the Hinokami Kagura and flashbacks enough to the last four months to show us that he's been working at using it better--and that he's realized his limits to Water Breath. In general, I find these flashbacks to totally unbeforeseen content in the mist of battle distracted and generally not good writing advice for how it cuts into the flow of a scene, but I have also totally come to accept this as a signature piece of KnY's storytelling style. And we aren't even done yet with Tanjiro's flashbacks for this solo battle against Daki! With all these reflections, though, it's really nice to get that foreshadowing for more Haganezuka content, especially Daki's accusation that Haganezuka isn't much of a swordsmith (and he faces criticism too), and Tanjiro's insistence that it's him abusing the sword. He has always fully believed that everything that happened to his swords is his own fault for using them roughly. (And gosh, that context and comparison against someone who uses Water Breath damn near perfectly makes it all the more startleing how Akaza will later very easily break Giyuu's sword in two.) Speaking of swords, BOYS WITH SWORDS!!! BOYS PLAYING WITH SWORDS!!! Zenitsu handling his sword in a context other than the brief moments he's using Thunderclap and Flash, placing it on the ground the way you're supposed to, so unlike Inosuke who doesn't care for proper sword use whatsoever. Thank you, Ufotable!! Thank you for this filler!!

--Speaking of foreshadowing, if Tanjiro's already been maintaining fever over days at a time this whole time, this gives us lots of juicy stuff to analyze about his mark. Perhaps can interpret the damage done to the human body (and the reason all those Sengoku demon hunters died by the age of 25) as being due to the sudden increase in temperature and heart rate, but with Hinokami Kagura techniques, Tanjiro's been able to find a more sustainable way of doing it so his body is more prepared to draw on that power. I wonder, then, did he subconsciously start to do this during the Final Selection, and that's why the scar changed? Also, I believe that Tanjuro's general weakness is do to long-term sustained damage of performing Hinokami Kagura imperfectly, in a way that put stress on his body before he mastered the proper Breathing technique. Which is all to say, it makes me ponder that Tanjiro may have more years than he's assumed to, but he probably will decline in a similar way as his father.

--BUT HEY ALSO, there's imperfect knowledge and hearsay passed down from the Sengoku era about how, like, "swordsmen with black swords can't advance (because they got kicked out)" so maybe that "dead by 25" thing was a matter of looking at patterns and also counting all the guys who happened to get killed in battle? And sure, maybe enough of them dropped dead to lead to conclusions??? I'm looking for whatever hope we can for Giyuu and Sanemi, let me dig with a tiny spoon as I like.

--Anyway! We also get this beautiful, "moyase… moyase… kokoro o moyase!!!" line from Tanjiro. Yes, please.

--And all this reflection from Tanjiro about how he won't allow anyone else to go through the pain that he and other members of the Demon Slayer Corps have with losing people to the violence of demons. That's great, Tanjiro, but you're about to witness a huge failure to do so.

--Ok… so… Inosuke's scene going Homer Simpson through that tunnel is… not one of my favorites. I appreciate that he and the obi found each other mutually gross. Go ahead, keep calling her the Worm Woman, Inosuke. You're the worm, though.

--THAT MOMENT INOSUKE KICKS HIS SWORDS TO HAVE THEM BOOMERANG BACK INTO HIS HANDS, IT'S SO FLASHY, I CANNOT

--This scene down in the food cellar reminds me of the Chinese idiom, "The Eight Immortals Cross The Sea," meaning everyone shows up their individual talents and strengths. Here we've got Inosuke doing it, Makio & Suma doing it, Zenitsu doing it, and then The God of Festivities himself. So much flamboyant fun! That Zenitsu's upside-down twirl, my gosh, he's totally writing that into the Legend of Zenitsu.

--I love it when Inosuke realizes he's in over his head in battle, though. Recognizing he's in a tight spot because he can't fight the obi while also protecting the humans, and that if this isn't the actual body, then there will be no end to fighting there. It makes it so gratifying when Makio & Suma step in to help.

--Okay, but also to sandwich this post… Uzui is totally back in his proper flamboyant mode after being so happy to see Makio & Suma are alive and kicking--especially kicking butt. Relief seems to be a big part of it, but his wives truly are a source of strength and joy for him. Having reunited with all three of them, everything is once again right in his world and it's time to do the butt-kicking in his own flashy way!!

[woolieshubris]

okay so before tumblr rudely interrupted me, i was wanting to ask about your thoughts on atarashii gakko's new album, ichijikikoku! since i know you listen to them too :) i remember you saying a bit ago you thought their single 'the edge' was a bit boring, and i would be inclined to agree. but i think the songs on this album are fun! especially 'otome no bigaku' and 'odoru honno 001', which really feel reminiscent of earlier songs of theirs to me <3 'seishun wo kirisaku hado' also has a really fun and interesting feel to me, i really like it. and of course the addition of 'otonablue' on this album is. yes!!! i really like otonablue, i have for a while. it's one of my favourite songs of theirs overall. 'janaindayo' and 'giri giri' i also really love the sound of, tbh the only song on this album im not super a fan of is suki lie. overall i think it's really solid!! i will say it has a very different overall style than their ep snack time, and songs such as nainainai but i don't think that's necessarily a bad thing? i do miss that style a bit though. ANYWAYS i would love to hear your thoughts ^_^

MAN I LOVE IT SO MUCH. They went more for the ballad/rock stuff which I heavily prefer (mostly because they genuinely are good vocalists). Otonablue is genuinely like top 3 songs of theirs and top 10 songs in general for me, so to see an album drop that features it!!! Incredible. I do really like snack time and nainainai, ("free your mind" being a standout for me), but I was worried that it was going to mark a more permanent change in their artistic output. I hope that their new album performs well (especially overseas, because they were promoting snack time in the US at least), so that they realize that it's not a lost cause.

Janaindayo: it feels like an anime opening to me? (Maybe it is one?) I love it though!!!! This shit slaps. I love the speed of it. It feels like I'm running while listening to it

Seishun wo kirisaku hado: THIS SHIT IS SO GOOD.. it feels just like Splatoon music to me. I love vocal filters in songs. This is so fucking good. I don't really know how to put into words how much I like this track.

Giri Giri: interesting. A more typical pop track for sure! Giri Giri means round and round, (like spinning). I do genuinely like how they just let the vocalist go during the bridges. Not my favorite, but I don't hate it.

Suki lie: Also very typical pop track. I don't hate it (I've been listening to a lot of kpop lately so this just feels like a mediocre kpop track to me...) But yeah def a skip. I love the jazz section in the middle but the stuff around it... :(( It's just so mid LOL. maybe I'd like it more if I knew what the lyrics meant but yeah. A bit too repetitive for me

OTONABLUE: OTONABLUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEE !!! (Incredible song love it so much it's my favorite out of the album. I love how it uses 80's synths. If this song doesn't have a music video I hope it gets one for sure)

Otome no bigaku: YESS let her SING!!!! me when women sing with deep voices and go crazy and go wild and just sing !!!!! I love music !!!! I love women!!!!! I wish we had a music video of this I wanna know which girlie is the one who sings

Odoru honno 01: YEASHDHXHHSAHA. it's not my favorite song out of theirs but I genuinely hope this is the direction they take their music! Imo it suits them really well as a band it seems like they want to do more uplifting and fun tracks for people to blast in a car with their friends and this def feels the most in that wheelhouse out of all of the tracks presented.

IMO everything after otonablue slaps!!! Suki lie def feels like they put it on their because their producers made them, but the rest are incredible. I wish they reserved the more traditional pop tracks for another EP but whatever it's still a great album :))) we love atarashii gakko in this house

[crashstanding]

HELLO FOOL. FOR THE OC ASKS (you don't need to answer them in the same ask!):

Nana: 1, 4, 5, 7, 10, 14, 20, 22, 23, 27, 38, 40 E, F, G

Tony: 1, 2, 6, 11, 16, 26, 29, 30, 31, 42 A, C, E

and ofc my buddy

D: 1, 2, 3, 8, 11, 13, 14, 17, 22, 27, 30, 31, 35, 38 A, B, D, F, J

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators:

Oh lordy, Okay, putting this mess under a cut!

I am, in fact, a foole for not expecting to get any asks lmao

NANA

1 - What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

About three hours. As long as he can listen to someone else doing something (as simple as moving around or sleeping) he can actually sit still for quite a while.

4 - How easy is it to earn their trust?

Oh it's about nigh impossible to gain his trust if you didn't have it before everything went to hell. He keeps his cards close to his chest unless he's exploding. The somewhat exception to this is children, in that he is willing to give them the benefit of the doubt more easily than teens/adults

5 - How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

You can sneeze wrong in his direction and he won't trust you unless you rip out your liver and present it to him. He is very mistrustful, despite having that friendly persona

7 - What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

hummu... this one's harder for me, but I think it would actually be seeing children being silly. Makes him nostalgic for the childhood he's lost. It's bittersweet

10 - What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

"Are you sure that's what happened?"/"This is for your own good." (It haunts and clings to him until he's too warped to realize it)

14 - What animal do they fear most?

Does their "best friend" count?

20 - If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

You couldn't force them at gunpoint to explain this. Love is love is all consuming. There's no difference (Related, he's aro and doesn't realize this)

22 - How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Possessive, clingy, and fretful

23 - How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

Possessive, clingy, and fretful -

27 - What causes them to feel dread?

The thought that he's too selfish to live alone, that maybe what he's been doing for years wasn't the best thing, the idea of meeting their best friend in the afterlife and being found wanting

38 - What memory do they revisit the most often?

Teeth latched around his neck, just barely stopped. Too late to save anyone else, but he's managed to save himself... for now

40 - How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Trick question!! Nana doesn't perceive his own flaws, and if he does? He fucks with his own memories to make it not happen! If he had to deal with how much he sucked, he'd kill himself

Creator section:

e - Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Oh absolutely not. I think I'd simply explode from his rancid vibes and he'd explode from the fact that I'm a wretched creature <3

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

"Oh my god, you're so fucked up you little freak. I want to study you in a lab - "

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

I HATE HIS FUCKING - GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS SHIT. I HATE HIM. HORRIBLE. Something something cycle of abuse

TONY

1 - What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

37 seconds. She'll die if there's nothing to do, you have to understand this. They've always gotta have something to fiddle with or read or do.

2 - How easy is it for your character to laugh?

It's soooo easy <3 She's full of love and laughter

6 - Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

"Laws are more of a guideline, really..."

11 - How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

They just play along with whatever's going on. They'll figure it out... eventually

16 - What makes their stomach turn?

The thought of anything bad happening to their siblings, the thought of children in pain, deep bodies of water, hands in their hair, purple fire, eye trauma -

There's a lot. They just have a good poker face

26 - What is their preferred mode of transportation?

She has a motorcycle that she loves! Bonus: she likes trains but doesnt trust them

29 - Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

They try.

30 - Who do they most regret meeting?

You know, despite everything that's gone wrong in their life and things they wish they could do differently, I don't think they regret meeting anyone. Every person who has touched their heart has changed them in a way that makes them who they are

31 - Who are they the most glad to have met?

Every single motherfucker they've adopted into their little found family <3

42 - How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

this implies they have one

CREATOR SEGMENT:

A) Why are you excited about this character?

I made her for me. She's so so cool and full of love. Funny guy <3

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

In their original story? Nah, they made their little niche as the protag easily! But with me trying to see if I can't take her out of fandom stuff into original stuff, she's giving me a lil trouble

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

I think I'd be super awkward at first, but as soon as we find a common ground to nerd over, we'd get along well

D

1 - What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

About six minutes. This is because "doing nothing" to them doesn't include exciting things such as "watching a bug crawl" or "having a staring contest"

If you include those things, they can cap out at about 45 minutes

2 - How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Actually hard to get them to full on laugh, but you can get a huffed little giggle - like a "hf." noise - from them with prat falls.

3 - How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Counting sheep actually. Or something like that - they think a simple repetitive thing until their brain shuts off. Counting Sheep, reciting a poem, pretending to play piano, all work

8 - What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Stop fidgeting/staring, start emoting/talking

11 - How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

They don't often ask for direct help from someone who's confusing them, but they do tend to try to observe things/find a book to research the confusing thing

13 - What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Lime green. And no.

14 - What animal do they fear most?

I dont think they??? Fear animals??? D's brain sees animals as just like - these are fellow little guys, just trying to do their jobs. No need for fear

17 - Are they easily embarrassed?

Absolutely. But it's only things like complementing them or calling them cute that embarrasses them. Or being forced to try and speak

22 - How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Staring longingly at the thing they want. They're jealous of a child with a toy? stare at it. jealous of someone getting the last snack? stare at it. Jealous of someone getting a hug? Stare at them.

27 - What causes them to feel dread?

Being forced to be alone, being forced into company of others. Essentially being forced to do anything actually.

30 - Who do they most regret meeting?

How do you say you regret meeting someone when they don't have a name?

31 - Who are they the most glad to have met?

Evie and Ari, though their memories of them are few and far between. They're thankful for them for everything they did for them...

35 - How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

INTENSE LISTENING. And then researching the thing their friend likes so they can keep up with it, perhaps trying to acquire friend something of the excitement thing

38 - What memory do they revisit the most often?

Someone's hand in their hair. They don't remember who it was, but they liked it, being warm and the gentle scritch scritch of someone's nails on their scalp

CREATOR SEGMENT:

A) Why are you excited about this character?

THEY'RE MY LITTLE GUY OF ALL TIME. I WILL FUCKING MAKE THEIR GAME IF IT KILLS ME, BY GOD

B) What inspired you to create them?

God, its been... 12? Ish years since I made them. I'm not entirely sure but I think part of it was the feeling of walking home in the cold with the sky grey and the air smelling strangely of warm laundry. That's why I made their story anyways. Their actual design is inspired by Yume Nikki and some of it's fan games

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

Literally the only thing that's changed about them is their hair got fluffier. Hold on, I have art -

There we go, first drawing vs latest rendered one.

Bonus Chibi comparison. I kinda stuck with the same general idea for them, other than one redesign they had in like, 2017?

But I went back to the original design with added buttons, bc I liked the silhouette of the long coat better

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

BABY BABY BABY THAT'S MY BABY OF ALL TIME BABY I LOVE YOUUUUU

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

THEIR CANON WAS CREATED AROUND THEM AND EVERY AU I PUT THEM IN IS BENT TO SUIT MY WHIMS

[matcheadz]

THIS IS NOT A TUTORIAL

So I like to draw. That much is clear. In fact, I went to school for it! For an exorbadent amount of money, actually. Well, not drawing. Animation specifically but thats not the point.

I like to draw, but for a long time I felt like I couldn't because my 'process' was rather ridiculous. Or at least, I felt like it. I still sort of feel like it. I want to remind people here that your process doesn't have to look clean or pretty or whatever, because nobody (unless you go to an art college in that case just get in the habit of saving custom layouts for projects, trust me) is going to see it.

I call my sketchbook my 'shitbook' because its full of stuff that will never see the light of day. Blind contour drawings. Random mixtures of shapes. Observational drawings with little notes to myself. Don't worry about those 'aesthetic journals.' Fuck 'em, I say. Life is messy as shit, let your sketchbook show that.

So today I wanna show you the absolute mess that is my process. I like to take screenshots during a painting or sketch that I feel is pivotal in my learning process so I can see if I took the right direction or not. As a result, I have a ton of these .pngs lying around. Lets look at one:

What the fuck is that? EW! THATS UGLY! Hold on, what about this one:

Hmm, well what about this- wait what the fuck is this

These are all thumbnails/sketches from IT projects I did maybe two or three yearrs ago. These never saw the light of day, save for maybe a joke post or to a partner involved in a project. These were for me to look at, to carve out. These don't have good anatomy. They're not the final composition. Sometimes they're in a completely different style. Point is,

These are my versions of thumbnails. It's how I plan my shots, my layout, my composition, my expressions. Is some of it pretty? Maybe? Is most of it absolutely vile? YES. And I love it that way. The dirtier the better, as I like to think. Its a thought process. I want my thumbnails to look like I'm thinking so I can combine those thoughts. For example, I'll show you the last Vergil painting I just did and all the steps I did with that. Look at this ugly little motherfucker:

This is a strange sketch considering the final product. What I did here was look at the 'jinx pose' from Arcane and be like "hmm. Vergil?" and tried to use the perspective and anatomy. it did NOT work out in this sketch because as you'll see in a second, the rough colors did not work for me. But in this specifically, I focused on the musculatory anatomy of his shoulders, because I knew that was going to be something super defined and important to understand with how odd his vest is. So here are my flats. Sorta:

So at this point I'm clearly focused on the face and my file is still named Vergil Thirst Trap Lol and something clearly isnt working with my perspective. His head and arms are huge, and Vergil might have a grabable waist for some of you but this isn't it. So At this point I'm done with my first sit down and I step away. I come back the next day (during work hehehe) and I get to this at the end.

Alright! Color is looking a little better. Arms are more sculpted and while I'm aligning myself to my sketch more than anything, I'm also very closely looking at my pose reference, thinking about anatomy and my color palette. I step away (I clock out) and I take a minute to look at it. Its... looking better? But theres something off still about that perspective. At this point I'm a little frustrated with this vest and its weird rules. So I bare my teeth and gnash at it:

WHOA WHY THE FUCK HE LOOK SO WEIRD HERE?? Cause I flipped the canvas after painting and didn't realize how odd it looked oops. We'll do some fixing but that face looks nice for now and I think im better understanding the contrast I need through some actual photo editing. So let me tell you the story of Vergil's hair. Its a sad one. It will enrage you. This man had four different itterations. Most of which I can't show you because I painted over them so many times. But heres a screencap of the one I thought was gonna work.

Its NICE. I liked it alot. But the I realized this was not the way things were heading. Hair too swaggy. IMO anyway. I was slowly editing the name from Vergil Thirst Trap lol to Vergil to Vergil has mommy issues. and this hair? It matches the lightning well, but this was more Vergil Fucks. so what was the end result of the body?

more or less this (Those buttons didnt look like that I just realized this screenshot is fucked but you get the idea.) I did some composition editing, some contrast play and more effects, but this was pretty much done. So, like, shit gets messy. Thats not even counting the layer of overlapping reference photos I used because I don't use art boards like a normal person. shit gets messy! Let it get messy. Just clean up when you're done and hopefully you get something you're proud of >:)

[laudsimogen]

This Hunger, It Isn’t You (Ch. 17)

Read on AO3

Laudna’s heart pounded as she walked away from Imogen. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but she really was nervous to do this without her friend. Yes, she was an accomplished killer—of survivors, who couldn’t fight back. But other killers…she’d be lying if she said she were confident in her ability to best them. The Hag had been easy enough, but she was ancient, and her bones and muscle had snapped like dry rot. She couldn’t expect the same from the others.

And she didn’t know where to find them, either. She should have at least asked Imogen what their realms looked like. They wouldn’t be directly to the south or the west; those were the Red Forest and, apparently, the Clown’s realm. She’d never explored the other directions past the border of her own land, so she had no idea what lay that way.

Maybe north. It was as good an option as any.

Laudna’s thoughts drifted back to Imogen as she walked. It very well may have been the last time they’d ever see each other if this went poorly, and Laudna had still chickened out on what she’d wanted to say. Imogen had said she’d loved Laudna before, so why was it so hard for her to say it back? She did love Imogen; there was no doubt about that. But something about the way Imogen made her feel seemed…different.

Maybe it was just how it feels to have a friend. It wasn’t as if Laudna had any frame of reference for that feeling, so maybe it was normal to feel like she might faint if Imogen smiled at her too much, and maybe it was normal for her chest to ache when they were apart. But as a kid, she’d always heard of love, romantic love, giving people butterflies in their stomachs, and she felt that, too.

It didn’t matter. Even if she did love Imogen that way, she still could have said it without that implication. Because friends love each other, and now, if Laudna died, Imogen would never know.

Laudna shook her head. She wasn’t going to die. Imogen desperately wanted her alive, so she was going to do her damn best to get back to her. And regretting things she didn’t say would only serve as a distraction in a dangerous mission.

Laudna shifted into her form of dread as the ichor began to disappear from the trees, signaling a change in realm. The pines that connected her realm to the Red Forest were slowly replaced by deciduous trees, their boughs nearly full but the leaves brittle and dying. The cool air of the Fog felt even chillier here, and Laudna shivered as she climbed up into the treetops.

The dry leaves made it hard to creep silently from branch to branch. They rattled and fell to the ground with her weight no matter how careful she was, but at least, as far as she knew, most killers wouldn’t be able to reach her up here.

The forest seemed empty for a while, but eventually Laudna came upon a small cluster of structures not unlike her own cabin, but with a different architectural flair. It looked like old half-timber framing with windows footed by dead flower boxes.

Laudna dropped onto the roof of one of the buildings and bent over the side to look in through a window. Just a storage closet filled with broken wooden boxes. The other small building was probably the same, which left the bigger cottage in the middle.

Laudna took a deep breath and climbed onto the roof of the cottage. Maybe if the killer was inside, she could just knock on the door and ambush them from above. But then, what if they were like her? What if they weren’t violent outside of the trials?

Knocking was probably still the best route. She gripped the roof’s siding, careful not to slip down the slanted frame, and reached down to knock on the door before quickly pulling her arm back up.

The door opened surprisingly quickly—it burst open, really. The thing that came out was smaller than she expected, so small that she couldn’t even tell what it was at first as it slobbered and spat and growled like a rabid animal. But her stomach churned when she realized it was a child. A grotesque, mutilated child, but a child nonetheless.

It was followed by a taller figure—its mother?—who called after it in an unfamiliar language. There was something strange about her body, but it wasn’t until she turned that Laudna could see the gaping, bloody cavity in her chest, and she pressed a hand over her mouth to keep quiet. What’s worse was that on seeing the girl’s face, Laudna could tell she was a child, too—she couldn’t have been older than sixteen or seventeen despite her tired, unnaturally mature features.

She called after the smaller child again, beckoning it back toward the cottage. Laudna should have backed away from the edge of the roof in hindsight, but she didn’t have time to hide before the child turned and immediately caught sight of her, alerting the girl to her presence, too.

“Oh…hello, children!” Laudna called nervously as the smaller one snarled and bounded toward her. It couldn’t climb…right? “Don’t mind me; I’ll just be on my way!”

The girl’s empty expression didn’t change as she drew a sickle from her worn belt, and the other child leapt onto a pile of junk at the side of the cottage in an attempt to reach her.

Time to go. Laudna scrambled back the way she came, over the storage building and back into the trees. She didn’t usually move quickly through treetops—they were more of an advantage in stealth—and she found herself slipping on the branches and misjudging which ones could take her weight at this speed.

Were they giving chase? She chanced a glance down at the ground; the smaller child bounded through the woods, keeping pace with her, but the girl must have fallen behind. The child snarled up at Laudna, distracting her, and she took hold of a thin, brittle branch as she jumped between trees. The wood snapped in her hand and she hit the ground hard on her side.

“Fuck,” she hissed. She tried to get to her feet, but a small, compact force bowled her back over. Its hands and feet gripped at her skin and hair, pulling and scratching and biting anywhere it could reach. Laudna swiped at it with her nails, too disoriented to really catch it but drawing some blood regardless. She fought through the stinging pain in her scalp, her face, her neck, until she finally got a grip on the child and hurled it away from her. It hit the nearest tree with a thud and fell motionless to the ground.

Laudna’s stomach dropped. It was only a child; she hadn’t wanted to hurt it. Whatever the Entity had done to it wasn’t its fault.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Her whole body ached, and she found it even harder now to pull herself off of the ground as her head swam from impact the child had caused.

She barely even registered the wail of fury that rose from behind her before a new pain bloomed in the back of her shoulder as the girl sank her sickle into it.

Laudna spun around and swiped blindly at the girl, catching her across the face but otherwise not fazing her; her solid stance easily held up to Laudna’s blow. She raised the sickle again and brought it down across Laudna’s chest, but Laudna caught her arm and dug her nails into it, piercing the tendons until the girl was forced to drop her weapon.

She raced the girl to claim the abandoned sickle, grabbed it just before the girl’s fingers closed around it, and swung it with as much force as she could muster. It struck the girl across the throat and she fell, clutching at the wound as blood poured over her hands.

Laudna breathed heavily for a moment, still gripping the sickle, the pain of her own wounds growing stronger as her survival instinct faded.

Imogen. She had to get back to Imogen.

She pulled herself to her feet against a tree, tears in her eyes, and stumbled back in the direction of her own realm. This one would be collapsing soon, and so would she.

[englishtipss]

Book and adaptation of Alice in wonderland

Author: Amanda Rafaela Faria Santos

Introduction

Tim Burtom, was the director scheduled to direct this adaptation of the movie “Alice in Wonderland”. A very well thought out choice, as he has a unique visual style and, with that, brought many elements that would help make the film not only magical, but a box office success. The 2010 film “Alice in Wonderland” is a continuation of the animation produced by Disney in 1951. Well, the animation was inspired by the first book, with the same title. While the live action was inspired by both the first story and the sequel: "Alice Through the Looking Glass". That said, this brief study will analyze the adaptation of the book by Tim Burtom and Lewis Carroll, relating the concepts with the Bildungsroman.

Amanda Faria

About the book

It tells the story of Alice, the little girl who falls down a rabbit hole in a fantasy place, inhabited by strange creatures. 

 There, Alice goes on weird and absurd adventures, faces uncommon situations, meets extravagant beings, is asked enigmatic and illogical questions. At  the end of the story, Alice wakes up, and realizes that it was all a dream. Let’s talk a little about the works that will be analyzed.

About the adaptation: 

Alice, an unpretentious and intelligent 19-year-old. After spotting an curious rabbit, she decides to follow him, but ends up falling into a rabbit hole in the garden.  This hole takes her to an eccentric place.  There is full of unique and curious characters.  Until then, Alice didn't believe that place was real. Because, she does not remember that she was there in her childhood.  However, as the story progresses, Alice realizes, that she is there on an important mission.

Wait, what is Bildungsroman, definition? 

A German term that means "novel of formation" or "novel of education"

The main character goes trought some dificult situations in order to gain experience and attain moral development. (CHRISTY, 2016)

How to apply this concept in Alice in Wonderland?

1- “Development of mind and the character of the protagonist from childhood to adulthood":

Little Alice x Older Alice

In the book, Alice encounters a challenging situation as when she tries to open the tiny door where she has to be really small to pass and ends up being too big after eating a cake that makes her grow a lot she starts crying because she could not deal with that situation.

In the movie, differently from the book, Alice is now more mature and know how to solve her problems, even though she still makes the same mistake she did as a child she did not cry and still tries rationalize to solve the puzzle.

2- “Tension or conflicts with the outer world and the inner world of the protagonist":

Little Alice

When Alice first enters Wonderland, she is confused about the place, obviously, but she is also confused about herself. She keeps asking herself if she is another person. Like in the following excerpt:

“Dear, dear ! How queer everything is today ! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I ’m not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle !” (CARROLL, 1865).

A little help

Alice's conversation with the Caterpillar is an extension to this identity confusion and this is reflected in the movie, where there is a similar interaction between them. As in the book, the Caterpillar insists in the question "Who are you?"

Other character that makes Alice questions more about herself and what she learned in the society she has been living on is the Cheshire cat. The following exerpt shows a little of it:

 “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here ?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat. “I don ’t much care where—” said Alice. “Then it doesn’t matter which way you walk,” said the Cat. “ —so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation (CARROLL, 1865, p. 89).

3- “Temperamental loss must be there which makes the protagonist to undergo a long journey;": 

In the book, a child Alice is shown, therefore, with characteristics belonging to childhood, such as: imagination, courage, curiosity, and belief in fantasies.

But, in Tim Burtom's adaptation, with the 19-year-old Alice, these characteristics disappear.  Because, she spent many years without visiting that fantasy world.  And this difference is noticed by the characters when she returns to Wonderland. They say to the Rabbit, who brought her, "She’s not Alice" "you brought the wrong Alice" "that would never be my Alice".

4- “Time space must be long so that the protagonist gets a long time to get maturity of mind and character"

At the end of the film, after a long journey and many experiences, alice matures again, but now recovering her old characteristics.  Your courage and imagination.

Conclusion 

Finally, Bildungsroman finds himself in Alice's story. Because this work traces Alice's development fromher childhood, making her her goal-oriented personality with her imagination and inquisitive mind. In thefilm we can see a regression of her character, mostly by submitting to the rules of her then society, butshe eventually finds herself again.

"It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." (CARROLL, 1865, p. 155)

References. 

• CHRISTY, G. M. A. Buildungsroman. The Dawn Journal, India, v. 5, n. 1, p. 1234-1237, Jan./Jun. 2016. Available at: https://thedawnjournal.in/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/6-Christy.pdf. Access on: 20 January, 2022.

[pbandjesse]

My stomach hurts all of a sudden. Which is not fun. I'm going to go have some juice and hopefully it helps.

Today was great though. I had such a good group and I actually got a ton of stuff don't when I got home. I feel really happy.

James says I was dead asleep this morning. Which is true. They also said I was very cute which I can not substantiate.

When I woke up for real I made the bed and got dressed and fell okay. I was very tired at first but I was able to shake it off pretty quickly. Driving out to camp was fine. I was a little bored with my music and I didn't really want to listen to a podcast. I ended up putting on something just to try to weak myself up. I had made vegetarian sausage to bring with me just because it was quick and I had packed mac and cheese again for lunch because I enjoyed it so much yesterday.

And honestly today was an easier day but this group did not know how to be on time. They missed the intro and the first program again. Which means they were almost 45 minutes late. In the end we didn't start until 11:00 when they should have been there at 9:45. And it was just very frustrating especially since it was the second time they had been there. With the same teacher. And the poor bus drivers went in a different entrance so he didn't know where he was and they had to go all the way up to the lodge and then back all the way up to come back down to the hacienda where we were starting the day. And Elizabeth saw when the bus driver apparently screamed at the teacher for messing up. Just absolutely chewed him out.

But then being late give us lots of time to talk and sort things out and make sure everything was ready for the day. Nobody had to be stressed about anything. Until we realized how late they were and then I was stressed because I was trying to make sure that everything was going to run smoothly. So I decided that everyone, meaning our staff, would stand outside of the hacienda with their animal staff and then I would direct all of the children to just go up drop their lunches off and then find the animal group that they're supposed to be in. Because thankfully the teacher who was in charge wrote them on sticky notes and stuck them to all the children. So that worked great. It did take a minute to come off the bus because they were trying to call them out by group and I was like that's not necessary though just find their adult it's fine. I want to get them rolling in their programs.

And we did and it was great. I hate that they all missed a program but I really think they enjoyed everything that they did get to do and I really have a better vibe of how I can better explain teaching this program to adults that do it in the future. And honestly I know me and James have already filmed this one but I think I have a better plan for filming it later. I think I want to redo the way that that program is going to be.

I really had a good time with the kids today though. Wasn't as warm today and while there were still a lot of bees the kids didn't freak out in the way that some of the teachers acted like they were going to. And the third graders yesterday told me that the fourth graders were so crazy and they were basically the most calm children I have ever experienced. I had a great time. They were great kids they were funny and while they didn't answer a lot of questions you could tell they were engaged. There was only one child at the very end of the day who had some issues with I think rage and kept snapping at the other kids to the point where I told him if he couldn't come down he had to go sit outside and chill if he couldn't regulate. And he did and he calmed down and everything was fine.

And honestly we had a lot of time to just chill outside as well which was cool. The kids liked playing in the leaves and helping fix up my fort that's next to the art building. It was a really beautiful day.

At lunch I sat on the porch on the ground and enjoyed my food. I had brought the entire container of peanut butter because I didn't want to put in a container that was smaller. And the afternoon would go really smoothly. No children got lost like yesterday. And it was a good time. Apparently one kid did get stung by a bee but they were okay after a nice pack. Scary though. Always is.

At the end of the day we got everyone on the bus after that pop quiz I tried to do yesterday that went so well. And it was fun today too. I need to work on having a better set of questions but I'm very happy with what I've done so far. And then it was time to clean up.

Dechelle said that she would drive the gator with Sarah to collect everything and put it away. Which was appreciated so much. Cuz that is my least favorite part of this program. And because both of them and Celia worked together they were able to do it in like less than 20 minutes. Rather than the full hour it takes me. And me and Nick stayed up at the hacienda to put all the chairs away and clean all the tables. And once he got called back to the office to work on some other stuff Celia came and help me sweep and put all the tables away. Joe came up as well and it was really nice to see him. He asked about James which was very nice of him and we talked for a little bit about some ongoing projects that they're doing on site. Including fixing the porch cover thing that is kind of rotten. I don't know what kind of wood they use because that building is not that old so I'm surprised that it's that rotten but they bought new material and hopefully that will be done before the summer.

after we finish cleaning up the pool house I went down to the office to drop off my walkie and Heather drove past and told me that Elizabeth wants me to sort out some stuff for the mewee projects next week. And so I walked up there and Nick was saying he was going to York building and I was like why don't I just do that instead so we went inside and Elizabeth told me to go divide some bowls and take some to the Dodge house. I've never actually been in the Dodge house before. Everything I've heard is that it's haunted. It's apparently where they used to have meals but after seeing it today on the inside I don't understand how. It's very small in there. It's a good building though. I don't know why we don't use it for more things because it seems like a great little space. Maybe it has a structural issue I don't know about but it's a nice little place.

And I would get all the bowls up there in a bag and then said goodbye to Heather as she walked past from the barn. And then I headed out. My goal was to go to whole foods.

That is exactly what I did. I ran into a little traffic but mostly it was a solid drive to get there and I hate that parking lot but I found a spot off to the side. And I got the pasta salad I wanted and I got a fun juice and some cookies and the milk that James asked me for. I also got a spicy hummus because James was making waffle for dinner. I had a very funny conversation with a woman at the deli counter and the woman at the deli counter because I wanted a pasta salad that is very heavy on olives but I wanted no olives. And she said normally it's the opposite direction where people want all the olives and I was like well I don't want to pay for something I'm not going to eat. And they all thought it was funny that my reasoning was that it tastes like too salty but in a gross way. Like eating the ocean. But I got everything I wanted. To know I have some good lunches. I spent too much money. And I struggled to put the box together that you had to put the cookies in. But everything was fine and I was ready to go home.

When I got back here I needed some dedicated couch time. I just wanted to lay there and play my phone game and then James was home and they made us falafel. But while they were making the falafel the doorbell rang. And I knew what was happening.

There's a homeless man that rings our doorbell sometimes and we've helped him before and he's usually very nice but he just doesn't seem to understand the boundaries that he's violating by ringing our doorbell. And I want to help everyone. But I don't have the money to do that. I can't save everyone. And while we have helped him before when we could every time he wants more and more and apparently Kim has helped him before and Nick. But we heard from a neighbor that they have a restraining order against him because when they sold him no once he pushed her and she was pregnant and it was very scary. And James is not as good as saying no as I am. So when James did not come up for multiple minutes I knew that that's what was going on.

So I went down and I put my arm in front of James and I pulled them inside and I said you have food on the stove, because they did they left hot oil on the stove from the falafel, and I talked to this man. And I told him I understand that you are struggling. Apparently he has an apartment right now and he just needs $20 and it'll be the last time. But that's what he says every time. And I told him I really want the best for him and I hope that things get easier for him but we cannot help him. We don't have the money to help him. And he just kept saying anything $10 and I'm like no. You have to understand this boundary. And I'm very sorry. And I told him I work multiple jobs to try to keep me and James afloat. But I can't save him. And he just turned around as I was saying that and walked away. And I hate that I had to do that. That I had to tell him no but there's a difference between me offering help to someone and someone continuously coming to the safe place that our home should be and asking over and over again.

So both of us felt a little uneasy after that interaction. And I wanted to enjoy my dinner. James made us falafel and they made mine into a salad which was really good but my stomach hurt a little bit. And it's kind of continued that way for the rest of the night.

But I gave myself until 6:00 to get out of this weird funk I felt. I knew that mostly I was just sent tired. But there was things that needed to get done that have not been getting done. I have my commission I still need to work on but today was not the day. Today I would organize and clean the apartment.

Not a regular clean. Tomorrow I will do the regular wiping down and vacuuming. Today I had to put stuff away. Because everything felt bad. Felt messy. I spent about two and a half hours refolding all of the blankets and putting the extras away. I went through part of the studio and put things away. I pulled out everything that needs to go to camp next week. I went through James's plant shelf and I moved around all the plants outside to try to make them a little bit more secure while still getting enough sunlight. And I just organized that shelf so it's not so messy. Then I cleaned in the living room for a bit and then the bathroom. And just tried to put things away so that it didn't feel so overwhelming to me. And it helped a lot. Made me feel a lot better. There's still a lot that I could do. There's a lot of stuff that I'm sure I could get rid of if I really thought about it but I'm happy with what I accomplished.

After that I ate a cookie. It was great. And then I took a very long bubble bath. That's the nice thing about it being warm again the water doesn't get cold as quickly and I can actually fill the entire tub up with hot water. And I enjoyed my bath and watched videos and eventually would get out and used my nice nighttime lotion and I finally laid in bed.

And that's where I am now. James left to go work at the theater a little before I got off the couch. They thought that they would be home in the next hour. I hope that is true and that they don't have to be there too late because they still have to work in the morning. I on the other hand get to sleep in and have a nice calm morning. Cuz while I am going to teach a workshop in the afternoon I have plenty of time before that. I have to go down to Edgewater which I've never been before. To a different white camp that I've never been to before. And I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm teaching a embroidery class to the teens and hopefully they enjoy it. Fingers crossed.

And I'm hoping that once I'm done there and I come home I can start laying out Rosie is embroidery and getting her sample made so that we can decide where we're going next. I think I'm going to set up a hoop with a similar fabric and just make the stitches on that and then show it to her before I do it on her real one because I'm very worried about messing up that fabric. Because if she hates it I don't want her to have to deal with whatever nonsense I put on it.

I hope you guys all have a really good night tonight. And you sleep well. it's supposed to rain but I hope it's a beautiful rain. And I hope that you have a great day tomorrow. Sleep well and be safe.

[summonerluna]

Some years, the date sneaks up on me.

This year, it has been like a train barreling down the track, whistle screaming in the distance while I wait, unable to move until it has passed, and still I am surprised by how much the impact hurts when it arrives.

I read an article right after she died, or maybe right before. About a man who, five years after his father died, would still have times at work when he instinctively reached for the phone to call his dad. About that moment where you forget, even though it’s been awhile, and you wonder how you can forget something so monumental.

Because she was here for 34 years of my life and has only been gone for 5, and when you put it like that, 5 years doesn’t seem very long.

But when I look at my son who was only two back then, 5 years is most of his lifetime. She doesn’t know how much he loves dinosaurs, and can tell you the difference in a triceratops and sinoceratops, or that our chickens are the closest direct descendants to the T-Rex. She has never watched him jumping on a small exercise trampoline while playing a video game, because his brain processes best when his body is in motion, although I am certain she has given me grief about letting them play games and also been amazed at how fast he is at solving the puzzles. She hasn’t seen how gentle he can be with small animals, even when gentle is not typically a word anyone would use to describe him.

And then, it is absurd that she has never seen our house in Maine. How can that be, when I have memories of walking with her from the creek to the garden? Of sitting on the front porch in early spring and drinking coffee and talking about how different the seasons are up here. When she has joined me on walks in the woods and helped me identify plants I wasn’t sure about. She doesn’t know that Kairi has continued to love dance and takes 5 classes a week, but she has watched her in this year’s Nutcracker and was so proud of her for it.

Or she has, until I remember that she hasn’t.

And then I realize, when wanting to make something symbolic for dinner, that I can't remember her favorite meal.

I remember things I know she loved. I remember her talking about dishes she wished she could have all the time. But all I can come up with is going out for Mexican, because that's what we did so often. My sister, the only other one who knows this loss and how painful and complicated it is, gifts us money to go out, and it is good, and I think of the place near Boston we discovered that has chile rellenos like she used to make. How the first time we went there before I had even taken a bite the smell took me to those rare afternoons when the kitchen would be covered in every bowl we owned, because she could never find anywhere on the east coast that made chile rellenos like she used to get out west but it was an all day labour to make them herself. I know she has had them there, even though I don't remember if she ever even made it to Boston, much less one of its northeast suburbs.

I say a few times, "it's the anniversary of my mother's death." Sometimes I cry, even though it's the in-between moments that usually make me cry, not the the ones you can mark on the calendar.

And then later, I get mad, because I can hear her voice lamenting that nobody would miss her anyway, because she felt so small and unimportant, and five years later I want to scream, how could you imagine your children would ever not need you? And I don't know if I am mad at her, or a world that made her feel small, or myself for feeling the same way some days.

Tomorrow I will wake up, and check my email to see if casting is up for the spring ballet production. And I will work on Sebastian's Link costume, and shovel snow, and snuggle the cats and pet the dog and let out the chickens and ducks, and I will live a life that has been built entirely in a world post-her-death, that is further and further from our last conversation.

The dead stay just on the edges, there until we glance their way and are reminded that, no matter how strongly we may feel their presence or how certain we are of times they have been with us, they are gone

[asoulofatlantis]

(Merry christmas to everyone who celebrates it!) This scene seemed a bit overdramatic at first. I mean, the game starts to give you hints about what happens to the summoner eventually here and there relatively early on, but this scene is one of the moments were it start to sink in that for one reason or another, Yuna is likely not going to come back to Besaid. These people believe this is the last time they see her. Of course one could think at first that fighting someone like Sin is just coming with the risk of not surviving, but after a while you can’t help but notice, that there is not just a “risk”. Fighting Sin is a literal death-sentence. However, Tidus likely wondered why they all cried like they would never see Yuna again, if they just go on some journey.

I actually wanted to say how Tidus rushing to save Yuna, when he still thought she was just some random old geezer being in danger, says a lot about his character and that he has a good heart. But looking at this scene I wonder if he maybe is just simply not thinking at all whatever he does ^^’ This scene is mostly for Fanservice in multiple directions but it also shows that Tidus doesn’t understand the dangers of this world at all. The sailor looked for any sign of Sin, but Tiuds still took the binocular away from him just to fool around.

I guess you can not blame a boy his age on longering a little longer on Lulus big breasts BUT this game focuses far too much on them. As a woman, I find it rather annoying, even tho I at least get the comedy-effect of this scene.

And at the end of the day, Tidus dropped the binocular only for Yuna, not for Lulus big breasts, so... at least he has the right priorities XD

You have to understand that for Tidus, his whole life, his father and the fame he had before he died and thus became a legend after he went missing, has been a huge burden to him. He always had to live up to that high bar Jekkt has set. So he automatically assumes that Yuna is going through the same.

I love how they both quickly realize how awkward that was and still make it work as an icebreaker. Gotta give it to those kids, that they are working around not knowing each other at all very quickly with rarely any misshaps.

XD He was like: WTF was that? But laughed it off easily.

Jecht went missing around 10 years ago and they never found him. He went missing at sea, so it was a given that they eventually declared him dead. A famous man like him, even with Amnesia, if he ever turned up again, he would have been recognized. So for Tidus, to find out he might actually still be alive and that he too landed in this strange world that might be like a 1000 years in the future, must come as more than just quite the shock.

I wonder if any previous summoner had survived as many encounters with Sin as Yuna did. We know that it wasn’t just a mere coincidence that both Yuna and Tidus kept surviving those encounters but we also know that Sin has a lack of self-control and so its not like the fact that he knew them both and wanted them to succeed didn’t exactly give them a guaranty to survive.

You know what got me into Final Fantasy in the first place? Animated scenes. My first Final Fantasy was Final Fantasy 8 and I wanted to play it so badly, because I was so damn fascinated by the quality of those animated cutscenes. And in FFX they looked even more amazing - even tho the difference between a normal ingame-scene, a normal cut-scene and a scene likes this was still huge, even in this game.

This was one of the most cruel scenes the game had to offer. This scene was supposed to show us how Sin doesn’t make a difference between young and old or man and woman. He just comes and kills. And his attack on Killika was A LOT worse, then what he did with Zanarkand. He showed part of his true powers here. He is like a Tsunami and a Tornado at the same time. No one and nothing can escape him. Especially not that Baby that lies in its mothers arms.

Those people either drown, get hit be the debris or die when they finally fall down from the vortex, if their bones are strong enough to survive the energy of the vortex to begin with. I guess your biggest chance to survive is to get dragged under the water, be good at diving and keeping your breath underwater and hope that when you come up, Sins attack is far enough away from you that you can swim to safety. But the chances of that happening is unlikely.

To be fair... while it looked like Besaid was build a bit higher up - even tho apparently still far too close to the water, these guys (or rather idiots) build their huts on freaking water. There was no chance in hell for them to have enough time to flee. They have a perfectly fine jungle not far away from them that might could have been some sort of saver place or at least put some distance between them and the ocean. But... who am I to judge their questionable decisions? I mean, with the way Yevon runs this place, I wouldn’t wonder if they were forced to build their houses their, instead of close to the temple, that is clearly higher up.

Regardless of the fact that questionable it is that they build their homes on water, this scene still is always hard to watch.

I found it really cruel, that they kept showing the blitzball the kids have played with. Especially since, in that scene alone, 4 Kids have died. Likely half of the second generation of Kilika was killed by Sin with no chance of surviving. And all that was left was a Blitzball that Jekkt liked to play with.

[nijiiropokemame]

ok I’m already slowing down on my violet playthrough (I was slowing down after like 4 days) so I want to get my thoughts out now before more time passes.

Overall reaction: I really like this game.

I haven’t played every pokemon game, but this’s...my sixth core series? seventh if you count Arceus. And this game makes a case for counting Arceus, since that was the testing ground for a lot that went into SV.

The 3D areas in SWSH did make me come back to that game more than I would have expected, since I was just so-so on the main game. Then Legends: Arceus came along and blew all that out of the water. I loved the mechanics in Arceus. I loved initiating battles by throwing out a mon, I loved running for my goddamn life from a level 60 giant Stantler, and I especially loved being able to bean critters in the back of the head with pokeballs without having to engage them in battle.

Obvs SV didn’t have the battle-less catch mechanic, but Let’s Go mode is some of the most fun I’ve had with a pokemon game mechanic ever. I actually avoided the Team Star bases for a while bcs I thought it’d just be, y’know, take down the Team Rocket base version 9.0, but once I did and it forced me to use Let’s Go, the whole game really opened up for me. I’d been having a little more fun stopping my critical path to catch and breed some eevees, but nothing beat the first experience of starting at the top of the snowy mountain and bowling my ceruledge down the slope into oncoming hordes of ice-mon.

As much as I feel the sandwich making is a poor sequel to the curry making in SWSH, I think the picnic mechanic is a great evolution of the “spend time with your mon” screen. I was a little overwhelmed when I saw how many ingredients were available, and more so when I saw that they all had powers, but...it’s actually not that scary, and it’s still a more-fun-than-not minigame. I’ve had mixed success with egg power, but boy howdy when I wanted to farm sinisteas to get more armor to evolve more charcadets, the ghost-appearance power made a huge difference. The play ball mechanic is a good idea, I just wish my character could...y’know actually kick the ball. Instead of awkwardly clip through it and occasionally vaguely influence its direction. But it’s still so fun to see my trainer with their pokemon, I’m really happy with this direction.

So, as to new pokemon, this is the installment that made me realize something: when I first got back into Pokemon games in 2018, I was very much of the mind that animal- and plant-like pokemon were not just best, but sort of the point of the game. With this game I realized that I’ve completely turned around on that, and why. Pokemon have much more in common with the idea of like, yokai or spirits or similar mythic beings, except what if those but they’re everywhere all the time in plain sight. Some are deeply affiliated with nature, some are much more closely connected with mankind, which is why mon that look like manmade objects make sense. And, in the same vein, so do anthropomorphic mon.

All this is to say goddamn do I love armarouge and ceruledge. And tinkatuff (yeah I like tinkatuff more than tinkaton...but I still love my girl). And I don’t think I laughed at anything in the game harder than when my sprigatito evolved and was immediately bipedal, but then floragato ended up being another of my favorite new designs (its evolution not as much...that makes two mid-volutions that I like most, which is very unusual). But yeah the armored exclusives shot way up on my list of favs of all time, christ they are cool. I was immediately drawn to armarouge but I’m playing violet, and I didn’t really see the point of starting a scarlet playthrough until I’ve beaten this. I’m ready to challenge the league tho, so maybe I’ll do that and leave the end of the other two plots til the next game.

Yeah, so the diverging paths. They work pretty well! Limiting the usage of your -raidon til you hit a few early goals is pretty smart. I think challenging the gyms in any order worked out really well. The Team Star assault is a slog mostly because the cutscenes are unskippable, man do I not care about that plot, but again the base assault is really fun, and an old-fashioned battle at the end is not bad. The most fun is coming across a titan pokemon in the wild though; I wish cutscenes didn’t play as you approached, at least once I managed to glimpse one in the distance first and said out loud “what is that!?” (it the klawf if I recall), it really captured that Breath of the Wild “stumble upon a thing and then investigate it” feeling.

Oh yeah how could I have not yet talked about the bike. This game is obviously very slow, transitions to different modes like from overworld to battle take forever, and at a couple of points it completely glitched out and kicked me out. Fortunately enough things trigger saves that this wasn’t really a problem. So taking that into account, the fact that miraidon is an absolute joy to use is even more amazing. It handles so smooth, and skidding and changing directions is so cool. I just got the glide ability and I like how it’s implemented. It’s no paraglider from Breath of the Wild, but it still makes descent more seamless and fun. I do wish you could go faster, but I get there are limitations on how much they could design the world with a turbocharged player in mind. The faster you can go, the more they have to think about how much open space to let you have, and if all that open space will make it hard to get from one place to another if you don’t want to spend a bunch of time traversing it with your bike. Anyway this was a feature they obviously spent a lot of time on and it shows. Arceus had the one thing were you could seamless transition from land to water and back, but you still had to select climbing or flying (or...the bear. I never used the bear), and having one mon that just goes feels so much better.

Well, I guess that’s it! This right now ranks as my third favorite game, after my beloved Ultra Moon and then Arceus, both of which had stronger stories imo, and even if pokemon stories are simple I tend to prefer story-centric games. But after a rocky start to this game where it just seemed to be slow and glitchy, it really has a lot to offer by itself, and makes me very excited for new mainline pokemon games in a way I haven’t been in a while!