#not ranting at you anon!! more at a different anon I just saw elsewhere

[statementlou]

https://x.com/Harrygreeneyesx/status/1848371979381850298?t=_OQAw_4Tyvma-undNloWMg&s=19

It's the sun, so I don't know how reliable the source is, but if it's true, I'll be more upset than I already was with this preventable situation. Knowing liam kept going downstairs to the lobby so he wasn't alone and hotel workers SAW he needed help but did NOTHING just sent him back to his room instead of calling an ambulance or something was upsetting but if this is also true I just can't.

ugh I don't buy this at ALL. The link shows the Sun saying Liam was clean right before all this happened which is true; he had to stay in Argentina a few extra days to get his visa for the US reissued and in order to do that he had to drug test, and that test was clean. That's been widely reported. But then they say that the reason he then got fucked up was because a hotel employee "pushed" drugs on him which is fucking nonsense imo. I can't know! But they sure can't either and the likelihood that an addict who had just passed a sobriety test was like hell yeah a little reward and sought out the drugs is literally OFF THE CHARTS, MUCH higher than that an employee found a random guest and was like "heyyyy cmon you know you want to..." TBH the fucking racism and weird shit I'm seeing is INSANE and this is just more of the same if you ask me. I see people saying, unchallenged, that this wouldn't have happened in the US, that he would have been taken care of given proper treatment like ARE YOU JOKING?? This is exactly what would have happened in the US, if the cops didn't literally show up and shoot him, a genuinely common outcome of calling the police on people in altered states here in the US. I mean it's a tangent to this ask but: can we all just get our fucking xenophobia and racism under control for 10 minutes, actually?? This is a terrible situation and we would all like it to have gone differently but this is an opportunity to have some eyes opened to the treatment that users receive WORLDWIDE due to the puritanical stigmas and stereotyping around drug use and the way people DIE because of it every day, rather than be like "wow seems like people in LATAM are really fucked up gosh so glad WE'RE not like that" like babes? YOU ARE. YOUR COUNTRY IS TOO. Go volunteer at a needle exchange in Liam's honor and meet some addicts and understand that they are just people with problems and that they are being treated like human garbage for it everywhere and are DYING of that. Beautiful people with a lot to offer the world are dying every day because episodes like this are handled badly. Because there aren't safe use sites. Because they see themselves as lesser and worthless because they're told that's the case and they give up. Seeing this happen to someone you value can be a window to greater understanding and sympathy- having it instead be used to foster racism and a sense of superiority is a fucking shame and doesn't honor Liam in the least imo.

[covenlegacy]

It's funny why everybody is on such a short fuse. The girl who talks here talks to Coven - If she has an opinion that is hers then let her be. If it was not personal for others it wouldn't offend them. Everybody needs someone to rant and if she doesn't have people who understand her in real life then she talks here to get some understanding. No need to attack her so much. She knows she has an obsession and who knows maybe she fights these feelings everyday and that could be very taxing as well. Everybody needs to just calm down and behave a little.

.........

I'm sorry that i make coven blog some exchange of messages with others but i don't want to talk via messages with anyone, including coven because I had very bad experience with it plus everyone would attack me then. So that's why I use this method here sending anon replies. I agree with you too, anon. I guess that when my opinion wasn't loaded with negative emotions, especially about JK, more people would understand and reply this way before. But I'm only human with emotions that got the best of me. But just like you said. It's exactly this way. I treat coven as confidant who's in this topic and knows about this general obession over JK between fans so that's why it's a relief to spill the tea. But people act offended like it was about them. Maybe it is. But generally many Army's react this way. Idk maybe they don't fight back in rl and that's why they look for fights online. I already said it's some projection from their side. I also fought with others online when I had stesssful day but now i try not to do this. You're right. I've been fucking fighting for four years to not to think about JK. I used to think it's being in love but it's just attraction and fascination that is difficult to get rid of. Sounds like karmic lesson. So imagine how annoying it is when after seeing only one shit on Tumblr like gifset, he haunts my thought for hours. I actually felt happy when I saw him on vlive, especially with Bam so it's good but I'd like to not to think about it later. Like really, not think about him that often and randomly. Maybe avoiding everything related to him would be good but I get recommendations and he's really everywhere so I'd need to delete all of my social medias then. But I guess there would be some hot topic on Tumblr one day or elsewhere and I'd randomly saw him anyway. I guess it will pass but it just takes long. I'm sure it's some karmic lesson and i still need to learn something. I hope that I'll meet my spouse soon. I'm curious if he's my type. I'm a bit worried because my 7th house in vedic is ruled by Mars and astrologers say it symbolizes domineering, agressive, sporty, competetive spouse. If someone who knows astrology well, could tell me something more about this placement, I'd be grateful.

Avoidance is not an option. Because the harder you run, the more it haunts you. You need to allow yourself to just feel it all as it is. To cook in this broth, so to speak. It will pass by itself, presumably. In fact, all this is only yours. Your feelings, etc., and I'm not sure why you have such an immediate thought that you need to get rid of it. Are you also getting rid of the attraction to the guy you like at work or in the neighborhood? There is no difference between this.

[dex-xe]

Have you ever thought that when the ghosts were alive The world map would look different? Some of the ghosts might think that Australia or Canada is still part of the British Empire or captain and pat thinks that Russia is The Soviet Union.

Oh lawd,, I’m obsessed with this as an idea. I’m a history and politics student who has spent significant time looking at historical geopolitics so I’m gonna do a bit of a deep dive now into what each of them would’ve known about the world. Apologies Anon but you’ve started a rave in my brain on this subject :P

It’s very long so I’ll put a little keep reading button so I don’t annoy people in the main tag!!

---

im talking: Ghosts related questions, theories or headcanons yall have, your favourite characters/scenes/episodes/friendships + why, general comments on anything Ghosts you wanna say

Link to inbox: Max’s Ghost Post

Robin - Robin’s knowledge of the world would’ve been practically non-existent. He lived during the Stone Age but we don’t really know when, but he wouldn’t have known where he was in the world or what was happening elsewhere at all. Living in (what I assume is now) Surrey, he probably wouldn’t have even known about the sea or that he was on an island.

Plague Ghosts - The Plague ghosts are interesting because their world view would’ve been so limited. They wouldn’t have known about the Americas, Asia, Africa or Australia etc. Mick going to London would mean he would probably have known slightly more, if simply knowing vaguely about France or the Holy Roman Empire. They would’ve lived in a feudal system under the control of a Lord, so not much life outside the farming life style.

Humphrey - Humphrey’s worldview would’ve been dominated by the conflict of the Church and conflict between the monarch and the Pope. He would’ve known about discoveries of food and stuff in the Americas. It’s unlikely he would’ve lived to see the Europeans arrive in Australia. So he would’ve never knew about it which is mad.

Mary - Mary would’ve been the last ghost where the HRE was at its power. King James VI was committed to peace in Europe but the 30 Years War would’ve been in her life time too. She would’ve known about the Americas probably and the existence of British production in the new world.

Kitty - Kitty probably would’ve lived at the end of the 1700s, she might’ve just about seen the French Revolution in 1789 which she (being aristocratic) would’ve known about (and her family probably would’ve feared a similar thing would happen in Britain) but obvs Kitty being Kitty probably wouldn’t have fully known about it or been taught about what was happening. Also, she would’ve seen US independence in 1776 so that would’ve been important at the time too.

Thomas - Thomas lived in the early 1800s and would’ve experienced a similar world to Kitty. French Revolution and US independence would’ve been when he was very young if not just before his birth. The big situation in his life would’ve been Napoleon’s chaos in Europe. But with Thomas’ being an aristocratic, uppity poet he would’ve known but probably not had much interest or care for the world.

Fanny - Fanny would’ve seen the scramble for Africa in full force and the Empire’s expansion. She would’ve seen the Empire at its highest with the whole “sun never sets on the British Empire” situation. This would’ve completely defined the way Fanny viewed the world.

Captain - The Captain’s worldview was wayyyyy different to ours even though he didn’t live that long ago. He was born probably around 1900 so would’ve seen the rapid changes in WW1 and everything afterwards. Colonialism and the aftermath of the scramble for Africa were HUGE in this time as have been seen with the Captain’s view of the Empire. Then obviously the Great Depression and everything happening in Germany and Europe and then WW2.

Pat - Like you said Anon, Pat would’ve lived at the time of the Soviet Union. He was born in around 1945 so saw the world from an entirely post-WW2/Cold War perspective in which East-West relations would’ve dominated his worldview. I imagine being an educator of sorts and from what we see of him in the show he was probably rather knowledgable of the world and current affairs and the like. He would’ve seen the decolonisation of Africa in the 1950s/60s but yeh,, the Cold War/Soviet Union would’ve been his big worldview.

Julian - Julian’s worldview would’ve been quite close to ours. He would’ve seen the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, the reunification of Germany in 1990, and the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991. But, the East-West divide would still have played a huge role in his perspective cause it obviously didn’t just go away straight after the end of the Cold War. The main thing that would’ve been different was Yugoslavia, in which countries began declaring their independence starting in 1991. It’s entirely possible Julian would’ve actually been in discussions regarding the future of the Balkans in Parliament or on committee etc.

So yeh,, sorry for the ranting anon but this is so fascinating to me!! You’re such a genius anon for thinking of stuff like this!!

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[keeroo92]

Can I make a request? Would it be okay to ask for V comforting a reader that feels like they don't deserve to love him? I have been feeling that way in the fandom for so long now since I see so many other people put so much effort into writing him and loving him with their art and everything. I feel like I don't deserve it at all no matter how much I write about it. Hell, I haven't been writing about him much because of it that feeling. I'm a mess, I'm sorry.

Of freaking course!!!! I do have to say first, my dear Anon, that it doesn’t matter if you don’t create something in this (OR ANY!!!) fandom. Creators share their work so that others can enjoy it, too! The amount of time and energy that each of us can invest in this has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with whether we deserve to enjoy it. We’ve all got different burdens to bear and shit to deal with in real life, and I’m pretty sure I speak for the majority of creators when I say we are happiest when we know someone enjoys our work. So, revel in it. Immerse yourself in V and his lovely eyes. Drown in the comfort fandom gives you, and remember, you have no obligation to give back. Be selfish, it’s okay. You’re not a mess; you’re human.

Rant over, on to some yummy hurt/comfort!

Partially inspired by this epic song.

 Word count - 1,147

__________________________

It didn’t take long for you to fall for the poet. There was something about his aura, his energy that called to you and there was no resisting it. He was where the compass of your heart always pointed, the direction you turned when you had no map.

You felt such elation when he first kissed you. It was like being inside a firework, exploding into brilliant spots of color and noise. So perfect, so beautiful and lovely. His arms were warm around you, his lips soft but insistent.

When he told you of his origin and of all he’d endured, it shattered you. How could such a brilliant light have been born from such darkness? And then to emerge from it so whole, so strong in will and spirit? Unimaginable. He had tenacity you could never dream of matching. Even as you took his hand in yours after he fell silent, stroking your thumb over his tattooed knuckles, your heart was breaking.

You didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve to be the one sitting beside him, supporting him as he battled his demons. You had so little to offer him, and guilt settled onto your shoulders as you leaned on his shoulder to cry. You wanted to tell him to look elsewhere, find someone who could give him everything he needed and wanted. His love was overwhelming in its power and you wished you had the means to return the all-encompassing warmth he gave you every day.

“Tell me your thoughts, sweet angel,” he said, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

Even his nickname for you filled you with self-loathing. He saw you as a divine messenger, a harbinger of peace and wonder. A title you didn’t deserve in the slightest. You shook your head, refusing to answer. He had enough to think about, enough to deal with. It was your burden to bear.

“I can’t,” you whispered, withdrawing your hands.

He frowned, his brows furrowing in concern. You looked away, trying to escape his intense gaze as another wave of tears fell from your reddened eyes. He rested his palm on your knee; you could feel his earnest stare boring into you. How did he do that, how did he make you feel like if you only had the courage to lay your troubles at his feet, he would face them for you?

Another reason he deserved someone better. His partner should be able to do more to help him, not just sit there and cry. An equal.

Which you would never be.

A knife pierced your heart and shards of glass choked your throat, but you swallowed until it faded. You didn’t want to fall to pieces, not after everything he just told you. It must have been difficult to share. Painful to remember. Another blade sank into your chest as you realized he’d only done so for your benefit.

Hold it together. It isn’t supposed to be about me right now.

You took a shuddering breath and rubbed your leaking nose on the sleeve of your too-large sweater. One of his. You’d have to wash it for him; you could do that much, at least. With your other hand, you rolled up the fabric to keep your mess from touching anything. Your hands fell to your lap, fingers picking at your cuticles anxiously.

He reached out and ran the pad of his thumb over your cheekbone, wiping away a tear. “Tell me, please.”

His pleading tone pushed you over the edge into breaking.

“I don’t… I just…” you huffed in frustration, struggling to find the words. “Someone else could give you so much more than I can. I don’t deserve this, not when I can’t reciprocate.”

He hummed and wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head to his chest. His heartbeat was a steady rhythm thumping under your cheek. For a few minutes neither of you spoke, both gathering your thoughts. You tensed as his lips parted to respond at last.

“Perhaps. But you’ve neglected a very important detail.”

You closed your eyes, inhaling his familiar scent. This was it. It was for the best, you knew that. He’d be free to find someone better, someone stronger and more capable. With more to give. Your heart was in agony but you tried to take comfort in knowing he’d be better off without you.

“Those ‘others’ you mentioned? They may offer more, true, but they wouldn’t be you. The mere fact that you want me to have more is enough. I don’t love you for what you can give me.”

He turned your head to meet his gaze, specks of light glinting in his emerald eyes as he gave you a tender smile. You couldn’t breathe.

“I love you for who you are. And for the record, you give me far more than you know.”

You sniffled, unable to defeat the pain in your chest. He was wrong, you didn’t give him anywhere near enough. He was just trying to be kind. You closed your eyes and buried your face in his shirt to hide. He stroked your hair and hummed a few bars of a song you taught him last week, and the memory brought a mournful smile to your lips.

“There, you just gave me a smile. A treasure.”

You choked out a laugh, the edges of your pain smoothing over at his words.

“And a laugh, too? I am fortunate today.”

His lithe fingers probed at your shoulders, easing the tension you held with every touch. He smirked and lifted your chin again to face him. You didn’t resist, meeting his intent stare as he chipped away at your feelings of inadequacy.

“Look at that, you’ve given me your trust as well. You spoil me.”

You smiled, more stable now as the vice around your heart loosened even more. A smile. A laugh. Trust. Things you took for granted, but the poet never would. Nowhere close to comparable to all he’d given you, but more than you thought a few minutes ago.

“It may not seem like much to you, but it’s everything I didn’t have in the past. Everything I ever wanted and needed but couldn’t find.”

You froze, remembering the horrible tale he just told you of his life. He looked so sure, so completely confident in his words that it pushed away the last echoes of pain. Was it possible that he was right?

You didn’t know.

You didn’t care.

You kissed him, celebrating every taste of this wonderful man. A salty and tear-stained kiss, but all that mattered to you was giving him what you could. You stroked his hair, his cheeks, his shoulders in a desperate bid to convey your love. Maybe nothing would ever feel like enough.

Maybe that was the whole point.

Maybe that’s how you knew you truly loved him.

[angstymarshmallow]

Fanfiction: a balancing act

I can’t remember the last time I’ve made a somewhat serious post explaining some of my thoughts...where I wasn’t being melodramatic about my own life or posting fanfiction. But this is it, a post simply sharing some thoughts I have.

Again, it’s my perspective and nothing I say is absolute truth. But posting this does sort of allow me to be at the mercy of the internet.

Every once in awhile a discussion with one or more of my fanfic writer pals comes up. Sometimes we talk about in length anything from the expectations followers have, how often we update but most importantly - the expectations as a fanfic writer you have for yourself.

Sometimes, that may mean going on semi-hiatus for weeks or months because of a lack of inspiration, motivation or just downright writer’s block that you can’t simply avoid. Other times, it means scheduling specific times of the week to release certain content. It really depends on the writer themselves.

However, I think the biggest thing I’ve come to realize - it’s like an epiphany really is how much I truly believe fanfiction life is a balancing act.

At one end, you as a writer are consistently trying to provide content. If you’re like me, that’s the bread and butter of your blog (minus the things you get attached to and post along the way) but generally speaking, that’s why people follow you. They like the pairings you write. They like your writing style. But on the other end, being an active fanfic writer in the community also means supporting other fanfic writers like yourself and other forms of media for the fandom you are in. Maybe it isn’t much of an obligation but rather an expectation on everyone’s parts.

In the beginning, I was very good at both of these things. It’s been about a year plus? Probably two years that I’ve been a fanfic writer. I used to constantly absorb fanfiction and reblog them with my thoughts on the accounts that I found fanfiction I thoroughly. And there was an expectation on my end - assuming/unassumingly so for people to do the same. It felt like the ‘right’ thing to do, or at least common courtesy. I began blogging more, reblogging more - writing more. Fanfictions are the only short stories I have ever created and finished. But at the same time, I was absorbing so much content at an alarming rate. I wasn’t doing as good of a job at work anymore, and my partner had some complaints about me spending time on my phone rather than with him. At that point, it was the awakening I needed.

And for the better part of last year and up until now, there’s been some disconnect. I don’t update as frequently as I used to (and part of that is because of real life; my job, person issues, my health etc) and the other half is my reaction to other fanfic writers on tumblr.

Let me explain. There’s a good amount of great writers; writers that know how to string words together in a way that looks effortless (at least from an outsider’s perspective), writers I haven’t even had the pleasures of reading yet. And then there are writers in general. Some that are very good at tailoring to the audience and popular ships; and others that don’t care for popularity and post what they care about. Basically, there’s tons of talent out there. 

While scrolling on my dashboard, I saw a post recently indicating - writers that have gained a following no longer supports or reblog the posts of other writers (usually smaller or not as known writers of the fandom). This is where I think the biggest urge to kind of collect and write my thoughts in a post came. Reading this, although it wasn’t directed at me specifically, I felt guilty because - have I become such a person? Admittedly, the first thing that came to mind was yes. If I am to compare my earlier experience here to now - it does seem that way. I haven’t been nearly as active and as supportive as I used to be and I feel terrible about it. 

But along with this realization also came the realization there’s a number of factors why and they aren’t not necessarily about writers themselves.

Ironically enough, the biggest problem I have is my self confidence or lack thereof. More often than not, people that have read my stuff, liked it and/or have left comments - usually have something thoughtful or sweet to say - which I LOVE and never take for granted. Regardless of how much other people may appreciate my stories, I still struggle with the same more or less thoughts I’ve had since almost the beginning of my fanfic writing. Is my writing good enough? Will it ever be good enough? Is my writing style the best it can be? Is it changing to become better and better? I find this especially true for pairings that aren’t quite as popular or mainstream. 

Other writers: technically this should go under the same issue. I do have the tendency to compare other people to myself. At first, I told myself it didn’t matter how good someone else is, that shouldn’t diminish me in the slightest. I should be happy for them and wish them luck in all their future endeavors. As I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of writers out there. Some of which has specific niches or books they prefer, while others cover a wider array of books and genres. But there’s also a good amount of writers out there with a lot more interesting plots and notes than my own work. Although, for popular pairings - I do receive a good amount of attention in my earlier experiences, it still doesn’t quench the fears I’ve always had. The worst part is I’ve now started a downward spiral of - I’m not good enough, why do I even try? It doesn’t matter because _ _ are soo much better at this than I am. It’s pitiful, and whiny and it doesn’t help anyone let alone myself. And thus, I begin reading less and less of other people’s fanfiction knowing that theirs are either (1) completely better than mine, and I cannot help but agonize and compare or (2), super popular with its own twists and turns and drama - things that don’t necessarily interest me. And the fact that they interest other people discourage me. Either way, as much as I want to support other people all the time - I’m also selfish enough to recognize I can’t always ignore the impact their work has on me.

Another problem is timing. Sometimes, my personal life is so hectic that I don’t have time to sit and read, or even when I do have time my mind is elsewhere and I can’t connect to a story the way it properly deserves. Other times, my personal life is so unbelievably shitty that I can’t even browse online and read anything because I’m too miserable..or too sad to. Or basically a bunch of other emotional or random things that get in the way and stops me from wanting to.

Hiatus. Sometimes I take small hiatuses from here depending on other things going on. This is kind of linked with my earlier point of timing, but it also has to do with the fandom itself. On a whole, what I’ve come to realize in fandoms in general - discourse and discussions are a natural occurrence. With as many people as there are in a fandom, I think it’s natural to have conflicting opinions and views. We grow up with different experiences, come from different backgrounds and walks of life thus naturally no two people will share the exact thoughts about well, anything. As similar or as different as that may be sometimes it often causes misinterpretations, generalizations, racism, homophobia and other matters that should shed light and educate when possible. Hate (anon hate?) are a negative part of that affects a fandom and its members inclusively. And one can’t talk about the positives without sometimes mentioning the negatives as well. Still outside of a community, it weighs on a person. Even inside the community it does as well. Like I said, we’re all different. A lot of the times though because I don’t actively engage, I don’t feel the weight of it as much as because I’m very used to not taking things personally, (I come from a very strong Caribbean background and that factors directly into some of this)  I like remaining as objective as possible depending on the circumstances (something that school has long since drilled into me) and other times I’m eager for an open discussion and understand how that may affect my mental health. It is also good to note that having different opinions doesn’t make anybody more right or more wrong over someone else. There’s opinions and then there’s facts. And then there’s morals and ethical behavior. Basically, while being vague - I can admire some of the politics that comes along with it but remember in the beginning how I mentioned I use this as a way to escape? Yup, this sometimes goes at ends with that. Sometimes in an attempt to get away, I miss updates and stories from my favourite writers and thus continues the same cycle of balancing. 

TLDR: I guess mostly, I believe fanfiction is a balancing act because of the silent demands and responsibilities that come along with it. I don’t think I come close to meeting most of these demands anymore, because of the examples I’ve listed above. I think I’ve written this as a way to - I don’t know? Relate to other people I guess, hoping my fanfic buddies and myself aren’t the only people who experience similar feelings when it comes to balancing fanfiction with...well everything else in life.

If you read this and actually got to the end, thank you for your time. Sometimes I end up in a tangent and it gets difficult to get back on track. In any case, thanks for listening to me rant.

[howyoustudythestars]

Behind the Lyrics of Adam Young - “Fiji Water” (with “label” rant)

I know the last time I said I’d pick this “series” up that I’d focus on a request, but I feel like I have to make this, especially with some of the comments I’ve seen flying around here and elsewhere about this track.  So, without further ado, I present the reason why this procrastinator will fail his final projects this Behind the Lyrics post!  (And not to worry, I plan on making posts for all the requests and find a song for that anon real soon!!)

Tonight’s song is “Fiji Water”, the first track off of the upcoming album Cinematic.  You can find the song in all regular music places.  (But you’re pre-ordered the album by now, right?  Right.)

As always, here are the lyrics:

Got an email at 22 Told me I could be a star On a plane for the first time I couldn't wait to start Landed at JFK Father Christmas picked me up Checked in to a dream hotel And I thought "There's no such thing as luck" I walked into my interview And I thought "There's no such thing as luck" And oh, if I only knew then what I know now I'd stand like a one-man band And I'd say "All this is new to me, but here's how it's gonna be" And I'd say "Hey, there is more to me than meets the eye Let me be who I wanna be" And I'd say "Hey, I'm an oddity and that's alright Let me fly and follow my dreams" And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend A good time was had by all" And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend I ain't a smooth talker but thanks for the Fiji Water" Thanks for the Fiji Water Dinner under a palm tree I had so much on my mind Amazed by the bright lights I stayed up half the night And boy, I took a leap of faith With nowhere else to go but up I walked in to my interview And I thought "There's no such thing as luck" And oh, if I only knew then what I know now I'd stand like a one man band And I'd say "All this is new to me, but here's how it's gonna be And I'd say "Hey, there is more to me than meets the eye Let me be who I wanna be" And I'd say "Hey, I'm an oddity and that's alright Let me fly and follow my dreams" And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend A good time was had by all" And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend I ain't a spin-doctor but thanks for the offer" And "By the way, hey, thanks for the weekend" (cause no one does it like you do) "You know I had a ball" (it was nice to meet you) And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend I ain't a smooth talker but thanks for the Fiji Water" Thanks for the Fiji Water I laughed when I got back home and I thought "There's no such thing as luck"

Here’s a disclaimer that I didn’t think I have to make, but given some of the asks I have received over the years since starting this series, I figure I must re-iterate: I am not Adam Young.  I do not know Adam Young.  All of this is just my personal opinion and my interpretation of the lyrics.  While I try with this series to get inside the mind of Adam Young, I cannot actually do so, and I could be 100% wrong about all of this.

With that out of the way, the main reason I’m making this post is there are several theories out there that claim this song describes some sort of regret Adam had when signing to the label or the so-called “pressure” he had received from them.  While it may seem that way at first (especially when all we had to go on was the 30-second preview on Google Play), I don’t think that’s the case for several reasons, especially after watching Adam’s song explanation video, which you can see right here:

First off, it is apparent this song is primarily around the time he first signed to Republic Records (then called Universal Republic Records).  At the time, Fireflies didn’t even exist yet, and his main identity as an artist was his online presence, especially on MySpace.  The main time people thought there was pressure from the label was back in the days of the Shooting Star EP leading up to The Midsummer Station.  Had it gone from Maybe I’m Dreaming straight to TMS, you might have a point.  But any sort of pressure, if it was there, would have happened 3-4 years after the events that this song purports to be talking about.  That doesn’t make sense.

If there was pressure from the label during the creation of TMS, then it would be a sharp detour.  But I don’t believe that’s the case.  As it says in this Billboard article, Adam saw that ATBAB didn’t sell as well as Ocean Eyes, and rather than keep beating a dead horse or worse, blaming the label for making it fail, he asked himself, “What can I do differently to make my next project even better?”  It was his idea for collaborating with outside producers, and his label and management at Foundations thought of people he could collaborate with on.  In other words, there was no pressure from Adam to change things up for TMS, nor was it the label’s idea.  He even personally re-iterated this in his then-personal Tumblr account moderngardening.  It was his idea and the label took it and ran with it.

If there was any pressure, it was not from Adam’s creative process, but rather his label rejecting songs he had made and disagreements on a tracklisting with the whole project that was Mobile Orchestra feeling rushed.  If anything, this might have been what prompted him to leave Republic Records.  Keep in mind, I theorized elsewhere on this blog earlier that Universal Republic was under different management than Republic, and TMS was released under the Universal Republic name, while everything after that was released under the Republic name.  If any of this is the case, that seems like a very sharp detour to make on a song that’s supposed to be about an interview that got him signed to a major record label, even more so than it would be with TMS.

Finally, while there is a danceable vibe to it, as Adam explains in the video, Fiji Water is supposed to be an inspiring track that encourages the listener to take big risks in life because, sometimes, those risks pay off.  I don’t know about you, but to me, it would seem counter-intuitive to write the song explaining about the negative pressure he felt from the label, especially when it was controlled by different people than when he signed, and with that pressure being about what songs he fully made should and shouldn’t make the cut on an album.  Imagine Adam coming up to you and saying, “I took a risk by jumping on a flight to sign with a major record label, and while it worked out well for me at first, after a while they started not liking what I did anymore and I felt it was better for me to leave.”  Does that sound encouraging to you?  I think not!

And this is not to necessarily squash anyone’s interpretation to the contrary, especially since I can see where some of those ideas come from in the lyrics like “there’s no such thing as luck”, “if I only knew then what I know now,” “let me be who I want to be”, and “I ain’t a spin-doctor but thanks for the offer”.  But to me, those lyrics speak of a different idea, and in fact, I think it means Adam was grateful for signing to the label.  Sure, they didn’t see eye to eye all the time and Adam and Republic Records occasionally butt heads, but at the end of the day, if Adam had to do it all over again, he’d still end up signing with them.  How does this all pan out?  Let’s dive into the lyrics:

Got an email at 22 Told me I could be a star On a plane for the first time I couldn't wait to start

For the most part, the lyrics, at least in the verses, are pretty self-explanatory.  It’s him telling the story of how he got signed to Universal Republic Records.  It all started when he was 22, and he got an email, presumably from Universal Republic’s A&R team, saying they liked what he was doing and they were interested in signing him.  Before you know it, he takes his first plane flight in his entire life, and he’s excited.

Landed at JFK Father Christmas picked me up Checked in to a dream hotel And I thought "There's no such thing as luck"

He lands in New York City (as that’s where JFK airport is).  Now, the next bit I have a bit of insight into, as this line was explained by Adam’s girlfriend in a YouTube video of hers.  The guy who picked him up from the airport, according to Adam, looked a lot like Santa Claus.  (And for those not informed, “Father Christmas” is the name of the gift-giver in the UK; Santa Claus is a name of American origin.)  The idea of a “dream hotel” makes it sound like it was very glamorous to him.  And of course it would; this was the first time he had ever left Owatonna for a big city.  (I’ll save myself from having to say he hadn’t left Owatonna until then until we have more clues behind the song “Montana”.)

The phrase “There’s no such thing as luck”, to me, is his attitude for whether or not he would ever make it professionally as a musician full-time.  Keep in mind, Owl City was likely created in the same vein as other projects: Port Blue, Insect Airport, Seagull Orchestra, Sky Sailing, etc.  It was just another project for Adam to release electropop music under.  However, unlike all those other projects, Owl City started to gain traction.  “Hello Seattle” was extremely popular on MySpace, he was making a good chunk of money selling his songs through CD Baby, he started to grow a fan base, and for the first time, he was noticed by “the big guys”.  To him, he was still humble, and he didn’t take anything for granted.  He thought it would be a major step up for his career as a musician, and he had no idea where his career was going to go from there at this point.

(As usual, I will save the chorus until the very end)

Dinner under a palm tree I had so much on my mind Amazed by the bright lights I stayed up half the night

As Abbey also said in the video, the “palm tree” is a reference to a restaurant he ate at while in New York City called The Palm.  He had so much on his mind, and I can imagine what it must have been like.  Whenever I have something really going well for me, but it isn’t set in stone yet, my mind has a tendency to go on fast forward and think about what will happen once this and that happens.  Sort of playing the story in mind before it happens.  Maybe it’s an Asperger's thing?  He was also awestruck by all the bright city lights, which was something he only imagined in his songs before.  He hadn’t seen them for himself until now, and naturally, like back at home, he couldn’t sleep.  He was so blown away by this whole experience he was at a loss for words and just had to stay awake.

And boy, I took a leap of faith With nowhere else to go but up I walked in to my interview And I thought "There's no such thing as luck"

Yes, he did take a gigantic leap of faith.  He had no idea what was going to happen after that.  Worst case scenario, should he crash and burn, he still would have a fall-back fan base with which he could continue to work his magic and keep creating music for.  Literally, the only place he could possibly go was up, further beyond his wildest dreams.  And when all was said and done, not knowing what would happen to him career-wise, he went into his interview.

And oh, if I only knew then what I know now I'd stand like a one-man band And I'd say "All this is new to me, but here's how it's gonna be

The pre-chorus and chorus are where he gets the most creative lyrically.  To me, this is about hindsight, but not what you think it is about.  He’s naturally introverted so he may not have had the biggest amount of confidence going into the interview.  He probably was really nervous.  He probably hadn’t even performed a live show yet.  He didn’t know how big Fireflies was going to get in 2009 and beyond.  (I’m looking at you, Fireflies memes!)  He didn’t know how big the fandom was going to get, let alone get big enough to the point where they could call themselves HootOwls.  He had no idea that he’d get to collaborate with great people like Carly Rae Jepsen, Mark Hoppus, Aloe Blacc, Britt Nicole, Hanson, etc.  He didn’t know that soon he’d be able to quit that dead-end job at Coca-Cola.  He had no idea that Taylor Swift would write a song about meeting him.  Had he known that this was all going to happen, and had he built up a little bit more confidence, he’d go in and begin to stand up for what he believes in, even though the experience will be a new one for him.

And as a side note, I love the choice of words with the phrase “one-man band”.  That line brings back images from Shining Time Station of a one-man band playing a song.  It shows him how talented he is.  He’s a singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, producer, and mixer for all of his own songs.  It’s a great symbol to who he is as both a musician and even as a person.

And I'd say "Hey, there is more to me than meets the eye Let me be who I wanna be" And I'd say "Hey, I'm an oddity and that's alright Let me fly and follow my dreams"

Again, these lines are not about what you think, well, not in the context that you’re thinking of them in.  Here’s a quote from an interview with Adam’s manager:

Early on we sat down with the label and, frankly, butt heads a little bit. They were ready to send him into the studio with big producers and polish him up to try to become this thing that he wasn’t. But we put our foot down and said, “Look, the reason you signed this kid is because it’s working. Whatever it is about him - his music, his interaction with his fans, his brilliance in the online space - these things are connecting with people, and as soon as you change that you lose what’s special about this artist.” To their credit, they really listened and they got it.

To me, the above quote makes it sound like he was too scared to speak up for himself to the label, but what he’s saying here that he’d speak up and say those things himself.  Furthermore, it shows that he knows what he can do and that he’s not afraid to be true to himself.  The line that really speaks to me is “I’m an oddity and that’s alright.”  Maybe it’s just the Christmas season, but it seems like he’s subverting the usual misfit trope here.  Instead of saying “I’m odd, why won’t the world accept me”, he’s essentially saying that he knows he’s a little odd and he’s okay with that.  He’s accepted himself.  I think that’s encouraging to a lot of us, especially myself.

And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend A good time was had by all" And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend I ain't a spin-doctor but thanks for the offer"

To me, this is his way of thanking the label for this great opportunity.  The great weekend experience he sang about in the verses, and that he had a good time.  To me, much like with the word “fireflies” in Back Home with Jake Owen, I think the line definitely is a call out back to his hit with Carly Rae Jepsen, “Good Time” (which, by the way, is on a short list of possible songs I may cover under this Behind the Lyrics series).  However, I don’t think there’s any deep meaning or secret message or correlation between the two pairs of songs other than that shout out.

As to the line “I ain't a spin-doctor but thanks for the offer", I think it has a connection to the phrase, “I ain’t a smooth talker”.  I say that because both smooth talker and spin-doctor have similar definitions:

Smooth Talk:

use flattering language to (someone), especially to persuade them to do something

Spin Doctor:

a spokesperson employed to give a favorable interpretation of events to the media, especially on behalf of a political party.

Both use charming and flattering language to either persuade someone to take a particular course of action (smooth talker) or to present a depiction of events in a positive light (spin-doctor).

In the case of the use of spin-doctor, Adam’s essentially saying he doesn’t want to make it sound like everything’s a certain way with the label, but he’s grateful for the offer that he signed.  This can easily be understood, as this happened in 2008, but it wasn’t announced he had signed to Universal Republic Records until February 1, 2009.  And above all, he’s saying he’s not in the business of making everyone happy, but he’s grateful he can still be himself and continue to follow his dreams.

And "By the way, hey, thanks for the weekend" (cause no one does it like you do) "You know I had a ball" (it was nice to meet you) And I'd say "Hey, thanks for the weekend I ain't a smooth talker but thanks for the Fiji Water"

Again, he re-iterates he’s grateful for this whole experience.  The lines in the backing vocals are particularly interesting.  He’s essentially saying he was blown away by everything the label was offering them.  Like I said above, he saw these people as “the big guys”.  He’s amazed at what these people could do in the music industry, and how they can make someone a star.  He’s saying that no one has the potential to do that quite the way they did with him.  And even if this didn’t skyrocket his career, at the very least it was amazing to meet them.  (Enchanting, if I may say so?)

With regards to the smooth talker thing, I think it’s both referring to his shy, nervous demeanor and that he doesn’t have a way with words to convince them to “let [him] be who [he wants] to be”, as I explained above.  But above all, he’s still glad he had this experience, and this is symbolized in the Fiji Water.  Although, based on some of the remarks that Abbey made about Father Christmas and The Palm, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got a Fiji Water in his interview with the label and that’s why he titled and referred to Fiji Water in the song.

And while not a lyric, I just want to say that I love that synth that comes on right after the chorus.

I laughed when I got back home and I thought "There's no such thing as luck"

To me, there are two interesting points here.  First, this is his way of saying that he still has no clue what’s about to happen, for the better or for the worse, in terms of his music career.  He had no idea if he was going to make it.  But this carries us to my second point.

I think there’s one last tongue-in-cheek reference here, and while I can’t say for sure if this is for sure or not, I think it’s worth mentioning.  In the now-meme-worthy song Fireflies, right after the bridge, when he sings the line “When I’m far too tired to fall asleep”, there’s a brief chuckle in there, almost like an easter egg.  I bring this up because he recorded Fireflies and the rest of Ocean Eyes just like he did with Of June and Maybe I’m Dreaming: in the basement of his parent’s home while he was struggling with insomnia.  He retained complete creative control, just like he did before.  So, in other words, he laughed back at home now, and he still continued to think that he wasn’t going to make it big.  Then, that very song reaches number 1 in many countries, and it amazes him how people who don’t speak English as their main language are now singing the chorus to this song he put together in his parent’s basement.  He fully made it as a musician.  He was able to quit his job at Coca-Cola and pursue his dream of making music full time.  He may not be a star like Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, or Taylor Swift, but he’s still a star in his own right.  He has made it.

Well, that just about does it for today’s Behind the Lyrics post.  I’m still leaving requests turned off for the time being, while I catch up with all of the other requests I promised I would get to.  I can’t promise when I’ll get to it, but it’ll be there in the not-too-distant future.  Until next time, my fellow HootOwls!

[ssfoc]

Hey sweetie ! Asking for your opinion on this. I'm not sure I understand why people say Louis is the leader of 1D and that he made what 1D is/was today. Is it because he wrote most of the songs on the last album ? (Liam did too). Like I saw some posts saying that it's partially thanks to Louis that Harry, Niall and Liam are "free" today. In interview I definitely saw that he was kind if a leader for the boys. But how come it is too for business.

Hi there!

We know from several sources that the boys were supposed to have individual, preconceived images that distinguished them as archetypes of a boyband (similar to how the Spice Girls each had a “handle”).

The Sony hack basically confirmed these shallow, idealized, patronizing images that included a description of Harry as “adorably slow.”

https://waitingforthatday.tumblr.com/post/160988626422/remember-how-sony-designed-and-implemented-these

The consensus is that Louis, being the oldest, and the member w/ the most experience in the entertainment industry, had influence over the boys in their dealings with management. After 2011, it was increasingly clear that Simon Cowell had a vision of One Direction as a typical boy band that would 1. never evolve musically, and 2. never develop an audience outside of their base.

This is not a crazy fan theory. It was confirmed by Ross Golan’s interview of Savan Kotecha, who co-wrote WMYB.

https://ssfoc.tumblr.com/post/159522363780/and-the-writer-iswith-ross-golan-by-big-deal

http://bulletproofhalo.tumblr.com/post/157865630236/savanmy-dude

The interview, which came out earlier this year, confirmed a lot of fan theories about the restrictions the boys had in their musical creativity, and their conflicts with the songwriters hired to write their music.

I discuss it further here, if you’re interested.

https://ssfoc.tumblr.com/post/157937777410/hi-anon-here-thnkyou-for-your-kind-response

https://ssfoc.tumblr.com/post/159574630970/reflections-on-one-direction-harry-styles-and

https://ssfoc.tumblr.com/post/157917630515/so-this-is-a-long-rants-maybe-dont-publish

So the upshot is that Savan Kotecha lost his job because he could no longer argue against Louis Tomlinson. Many of the writers subsequently had to deal with a more empowered One Direction because of this struggle.

Personally, I believe that what we learned about the boys’ creative struggle is a “canary in the coal mine” about their interactions with management.

Louis is outspoken, not easily intimated, and not afraid of conflict. The other boys, in contrast, do not engage well with conflict. You see how, in interviews, they shy away from questions that are at all challenging, and their body language reflects their unease. Sometimes it can be detected in written interviews too.

Harry has dealt with this by seeking new management and breaking old ties as soon as he was able to. Liam and Niall went to different labels. Zayn also went to a different imprint (RCA) under Sony.

The impact of the loss of Simon’s Syco empire cannot be overstated. It wasn’t just that he lost control to Sony but that the value of the company dropped when it lost One Direction, and failed to develop another comparable act.

Louis’ signing with Syco is not any different than signing with Sony. Syco is majority-owned by Sony.

What Louis has been going through professionally since July 2015 (which was when Syco’s shares were sold to Sony) is a coordinated effort to destroy his career by 1DHQ. It’s revenge.

What 1D-related media (The DM, The Sun) print about the boys is also very telling. These stories paint Louis as a negligent father, a bad friend, a low-classed, talentless hack, etc. Their agenda is to destroy Louis Tomlinson’s career.

Louis is, as you point out, the 1D member with the most songwriting credits.

The influence of 1DHQ is fading, in my opinion. Louis is making new music. There’s evidence that he has written with the best songwriters at Warner Chappell and elsewhere. Outside of any reputation of “being difficult to work with” (he has strong opinions about songwriting, I have no doubt), Louis is a $multi-million brand. Industry bigwigs are not going to ignore him; they’re not going to turn down a chance to work with him, if he is free and available. He has a ready-made fanbase, and his songs are going to sell, no matter what, just like his band mates’.

One other thing: John Ryan still works for U.K. X-Factor. It’s a source of good income for him. Interpret that how you will.

Here’s to hoping for happier days.

Hope that helps.

Sea

[hawkland]

Believe it or not, I really don’t like drama. 

I don’t like being in the middle of it between other people, or being the cause or instigator of it in any way, anything like that. It’s one of those reactions of mine I think goes back to having dealt with a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation as a child. As a result a lot of things can still ratchet up my anxiety like nobody’s business: hearing a lot of angry shouting or fighting either AT me or just AROUND me, or watching friends of mine argue or debate something in a very heated tone. It makes me tense and anxious and want to run off and hide until it’s over.

That’s why for about 4-5 months now I’ve been largely off Facebook, and why I tend to have very tightly filtered and limited feeds on my other social media accounts—including here. That’s why there are people I can like in real life and be friends with and have maybe known for YEARS if not DECADES who I can’t/don’t keep followed/friended on social media. I may check in with them on their feeds directly from time to time, or I may know that I’m best preserving the offline friendship by not engaging them on Twitter, for example. That’s why I might unfollow someone here or elsewhere even when I still like them and care about them and don’t want to disengage totally; I just need to better control how and when I do engage.

That’s why I wasn’t even going to comment on some stuff that went down last night, but I do feel like I need to say something the day after.

I get that it is upsetting when a tv show we like is cancelled, and in our opinion cancelled too soon. Believe me, I am a master of collecting tiny short-lived shows, one season (or less) wonders...20+ years active in fandom and I’m very unfortunately used to it. It’s frustrating but it happens, and when it happens I want to see the people involved in it that I liked move on and continue their careers in other projects I might like. So if a show I loved is cancelled, but one of the main people behind it is now going to move to a show I used to love and is now, imo, struggling, to me that’s a thing to be excited about. I’ve lost one thing but maybe I’ll get back at least part of something else. Hence, I’m pissed about Chicago Justice, sure, but if that means the executive producer will be trying his best at SVU instead? I’m game! And yes, I’m excited. Because SVU has been a part of my life, on and off, ups and downs, for 18 years now. That’s a lot of time to devote to a show and its characters vs. something I was just getting a taste for this year.

I get that other people might not see it the same way...but I don’t think taking out your upset and anger on those who are trying to find a bright side in a situation, telling them to “fuck off” and insulting their intelligence, is a good way to respond. You can criticize the network, the show runners, the writers, the actors’ performances but I’ve never felt it proper to take it to a personal level. Whether it’s the anti-Mariska troll on Tumblr who always rants about her weight and anon messages fans with trolling asks, or it’s talking down to/insulting/shouting at other fans who are trying to look at the positive side of things. I just don’t think either serves any purpose and it’s one of those things that can make me irritated or upset to see, and start that anxiety cycle of mine going.

So I figured, after seeing some stuff last night that I found really upsetting and insulting (on top of a few other things in the recent past that had troubled me), maybe I should step back a bit from someone I did consider a friend. Even just temporarily, quietly, until things calmed down. Unfollow without fuss and hope that doesn’t cause more drama, especially as I’m getting close to an extended vacation when I’m not even going to be around Tumblr much and need to streamline my feed. Seeing that much anger and upset being directed at people with a different opinion? I didn’t want to get caught up in or directly try to respond to that. Certainly not in the heat of the moment. 

But another friend, @thedoctorishereguys, saw what was posted and did try to engage, to counter and call out what was being said. Not in a Tumblrina-anti “You’re problematic scum, fuck you, go kill yourself” kind of way, but in a thoughtful, concerned “You know, that’s not really a cool thing to say given the context. And in fact you’ve been acting really angry toward people here for a while. Are you okay?” manner.

And that just apparently blew everything fucking up to high heaven and back. Next thing I know me and @thedoctorishereguys are both unfollowed, blocked, apparently there was a final rant and “goodbye cruel internets” post made before deactivating, even deleting of gift fic off A03. I guess just the fact that I’m friends with @thedoctorishereguys and unfollowed after feeling personally insulted makes me a horrible person. Not much I can do about that.

I guess this is all to say I’m sorry to see a friendship end in that way. But well, maybe getting out of Tumblr and fandom is what you feel you need to do right now? I hope it works out for you. I still really don’t see what I did wrong here except hoping that something I used to like benefits from a shitty situation, and wanting to step back from someone else’s anger. And I wouldn’t even be putting any of this up or out here if not for wondering if things may be getting said elsewhere. I know how fandom gossip can spread. I just wanted to post my view of things, and then move on.