#not quite happy with it but there's nothing else that's even remotely close to what i want ; w;

[deet-doot]

han whenever the scions have a new "adventure" for him

[roosterforme]

Some Things Take Time | Bob Floyd x Reader

Summary: Bob is a man well known for his patience. He never rushes things in the air, and he tries to live by a similar philosophy on the ground. You and he are both on the same page about welcoming a child into your home through foster care, but it's hard for him to watch you try to bond with her unsuccessfully. He soon realizes that Avery is a lot like him, and that some things are worth the extra time.

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of infertility, mentions of foster care and adoption, Bob making all other men look like trash

Length: 5800 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x wife!reader

Happy birthday @wkndwlff! Check my masterlist for more!

You were laying on the couch with your head resting on your husband's lap, spinning his wedding band around on his finger while you tried to put your thoughts into words. You could tell he knew you were on the verge of speaking, sending you several expectant glances as you and he both pretended to watch the movie he started an hour ago. But Bob would never rush you, and you were thankful for that, because you wanted to make sure you got this right. 

"We've been trying for a long time," you whispered, and Bob's blue eyes met yours as you looked up at him. "Almost two years."

He nodded once and smiled softly. "We have," he murmured, squeezing your hand in his larger one. You pressed your lips together as tears stung your eyes. Bob never seemed upset that he was pushing forty years old and in spite of trying and trying, you'd never gotten pregnant. He never put pressure on you to keep trying or to stop. You were convinced he never would, but you wanted to know what he was really thinking.

"What if we... stopped. Stopped trying. And just went with an alternative?"

"Honey, I already told you I'm happy with things how they are. We can stop trying if you want to, or we can talk about alternatives if you want to do that. But there's nothing wrong with just you and me. In fact, I'm really quite enjoying myself."

You closed your eyes as his fingers drifted along the curves of your side. It would be delicious to get back into the habit of having sex when you wanted to instead of when your cycle demanded it. You and Bob sharing your undivided attention with each other was something you were craving, but you still wanted something else, too.

"What if I said I wanted to look into fostering and adoption again?" you asked softly as you started to sit up.

He pulled you closer so you were straddling his thigh. "Then I would say we can call our lawyer on Monday and get some answers."

You smiled as you nudged his glasses with your nose and kissed his cheek. "And what if I said I'm not fertile today, but I want you anyway?"

Bob reached for the remote and turned the movie off as a soft blush rose in his cheeks. "Then I would say it's time we got in bed, Honey."

---------------------

Bob was a man who was well known for his patience. He never rushed things in the air, and he tried to live by a similar philosophy on the ground. He knew he wanted to marry you about halfway through the first date. He also knew you would have looked at him like he was insane if he admitted that to you halfway through the first date. So instead of rushing things, he took the time to make sure you were on the same page he was and that you were comfortable. He always tried to do that.

When a baby just didn't seem to be happening, he was more than willing to keep trying, but he was also completely content with the idea of no kids at all. It wasn't worth rushing anything as long as he had you in his life. But you had recently convinced him of a third option, and his lawyer helped the two of you smooth out the details. 

And this is how Avery ended up at Bob's house on a random Monday evening. She was eight years old and in need of a foster family, and you were adamant when you answered the phone call that you and Bob were more than ready for her to be dropped off even on such short notice. 

"I'm so nervous," you whispered as you held Bob's hand and watched through the front window as a van pulled up. 

"I'm excited," he told you with a soft laugh. When he thought about having kids, he always pictured a little girl. For some reason, the idea of reading princess stories and painting a bedroom a putrid shade of purple really appealed to him. As he watched Avery being led up the walkway, he realized she didn't look one bit like you or him. He also realized that having a child who resembled him was actually never part of his dreams. 

As the doorbell rang, you bounced in place and whispered, "She's here. She's really here." 

Bob pulled you in for a kiss as his heart thudded. He realized he needed to tamp down his excitement a little bit. The two of you were merely fostering Avery. Nothing was set in stone even though you told the lawyer you wanted to eventually adopt a child. But right now your eyes were glittering with hope and anticipation, and Bob couldn't take that away from you. 

"Let's make her feel welcome," he said as you both headed for the door. 

Avery stood there with an unreadable expression on her adorable face, and Bob noticed right away how the case worker seemed to rush through everything. There were papers to sign and a schedule to keep, and even though all of it pertained to Avery, she ended up sitting quietly at the kitchen table while everyone else talked about her.

It was late by the time you and Bob were alone with her, and now her unreadable expression looked something like sadness. "Avery," Bob said softly. "Do you want to see your bedroom?"

She looked up at him and nodded without saying a word, and then you helped her down from the chair. You had taken the time to freshen up the extra bedroom and buy a pink glitter toothbrush and a pair of pajamas in her size. But Avery just sat down on the edge of the bed with her bag and asked, "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

"Yes," Bob replied with a smile. "I'll drop you off on my way to work, and then I'll pick you up in the afternoon."

When she didn't respond, you asked, "Is there anything you want? A bedtime snack or something to drink? I could make you some hot chocolate or get you a cookie. Bob makes the best oatmeal cookies, and there are a few left from the weekend. Maybe you can help Bob make the next batch." You were rambling now, and Bob reached out to squeeze your hand as you said, "We're just excited that you're here."

But Avery shook her head and told you, "I'll just read my book. Thanks." Then she untied her shoes and took a well worn copy of The Secret Garden from her bag, but she sat on the bed with rigid posture, not looking at either of you.

Bob wasn't quite sure what to do. You'd already shown the child where the bathroom was, and she seemed to have all of her essentials. He swallowed hard, deciding not to rush Avery even though he could feel your disappointment radiating off of you. He cleared his throat and said, "We'll leave our bedroom door open in case you need anything. And we'll get you up around seven for school. Good night, Avery."

She just nodded and squinted down at the tattered book cover like she was going to cry. Bob led you down the hallway, through your room and into the en suite bathroom where he gathered you in his arms as tears filled your eyes. "I don't think she likes us," you gasped before you buried your face against his neck.

Bob kissed the top of your head and whispered, "I just think she needs some time. Let's not rush anything." 

-------------------------

You cried yourself to sleep the first night. You knew that your response wasn't fair to Bob or Avery or even to yourself, but you'd imagined meeting a little girl who was at least a little bit more talkative if not upbeat. You had your hopes set on fostering a child who at least gave the impression that your home was better than another alternative. You'd been given a vague picture of where Avery had come from, and you wanted her to be comfortable here, but now you felt stupid for buying the glitter toothbrush and the Minnie Mouse pajamas. 

Bob's hand drew lazy circles on your back as you turned away from him and cried softly. "It's just the first night," he reminded you in that sweet, even tone that you loved so much.

"I know. I just wanted this so desperately," you admitted between shaky breaths. His hand on your body helped you eventually fall asleep, and the next morning, Bob was up before you, making breakfast. When you tapped on Avery's door which was ajar, you poked your head in to find her once again sitting on the bed reading.

"Did you sleep okay?" you asked, and she nodded in response. "That's great!" you said in a tone of forced excitement. "Do you need help getting ready for school?"

"No," she said softly, setting the book aside.

You took a deep breath and said, "Bob's making breakfast. Do you want to come downstairs and eat?"

"Yes."

That was the last word you heard her speak before Bob led her out to his car in his uniform. He smiled at you over his shoulder as he told you to have a good day working on your true crime novel, but you knew you weren't going to. You spend two hours trying to write, but you ended up with three and a half new sentences. Instead, you spent most of the day thinking you'd made a huge mistake and hating your own body. Avery would probably last two weeks tops with you and Bob before she was begging to go somewhere else. You didn't even know if you could stand to see her melancholy little expression when your husband brought her home from school today, but you didn't want to call her case worker for help yet.

In the afternoon, you bought everything you needed to make oatmeal cookies along with the rest of your usual groceries. You paused next to the checkout line where there was a display of children's books and grabbed a few of them. Avery appeared to like her book more than anything else, so maybe she would appreciate these ones, too.

But when Bob brought Avery home with him after school, she barely spoke. She didn't want to help make any cookies, and after dinner, she went back to her bedroom. Bob tried to help her with her homework, but she told him it was easy and she already finished it. When you dropped off the new books, she told you she already had a favorite. 

"Oh," you said, standing in the doorway with your hands full of the unwanted books. "That's good... that you have a favorite. I have a favorite book, too."

She looked up at you and nodded, but soon you were backing out of the room and trying to hide your tears from Bob. "It takes time," he reassured you as you balled your hands into fists and cried on him again.

You knew you needed to be as patient as he always was, but you just weren't like him. And you started talking before you could stop yourself. "If we could have gotten pregnant, we'd have our own child," you sobbed. "One that we raised from day one who would love us and bake cookies and read new books."

Bob kissed your ear and whispered, "Nothing is easy, Honey. But sometimes the harder something is at first, the more rewarding it is later on."

You cried yourself to sleep again.

------------------------

Bob tried his best for that first week. He watched you start to pull away and retreat into yourself the more Avery kept to her bedroom. Every day when he dropped her off and picked her up, she thanked him for the ride. When he asked if she would rather start taking the bus, she told him it didn't matter. When he asked if there was something special she wanted to eat for dinner, she said she wasn't picky. 

And all the while she just squinted down at her book. Just The Secret Garden even though you brought home some others. When he pulled up to the curb in front of her school one morning, he said, "Avery, would you like me to take you to the library one day? Or maybe a bookstore where you can pick out what you want?"

She looked at him as she grabbed her backpack in one hand and her book in the other. "Maybe." Then she climbed out of the car, and he waited to pull away until she was inside the school building. That was the most promising answer he'd received yet. He drove to work thinking about signing her up for a library card, and when he got there, he was in a much better mood.

Natasha was the only one who knew that Avery was under his care. He didn't want to give anyone too many details, but she sweetly asked him the same question every morning after they got to work. "How are you and the Mrs. making out with your houseguest?"

And this morning, he said, "Maybe a little better today, Nat. I'm just trying not to rush it."

She patted him on the chest and smiled. "You never do, Bob. You're a man of details."

She was right. He spent the day thinking about all of the details that he knew about Avery. She was eight years old and very quiet. She only wanted to read one book even though you offered her more. She seemed to find the most comfort when she was alone. She was honestly a lot like Bob.

When he picked Avery up from school, he watched as one of the teachers patted the top of her backpack and sent her on her way. She squinted toward his car before trudging over in his direction with a frown on her face. Bob sighed as she climbed into the backseat and buckled herself in. "How was your day, Avery?" he asked as he shifted into drive. But today he got no verbal response at all. Instead he heard her crying.

Without another word, Bob pulled his car around and into an empty parking spot before killing the engine. He opened his door and closed it before taking a few deep breaths, and then he climbed in the back door and settled in next to the crying child. He let one hand gently rest on her shoulder, giving her a small squeeze before asking, "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

She just shook her head as tears flowed down her cheeks, and she stared at her feet. "It's stupid."

Bob smiled slightly. "You might think so, but I'd probably find what you have to say fascinating."

She turned her head to look at him, examining his face to see if he was being honest. But of course he was. He just wanted her to tell him what was on her mind. It took a few minutes before she started to settle down, but eventually she said, "I failed my eye exam with the nurse today." She unzipped her bag and pulled out a yellow sheet of paper and handed it to him. "She told me my eyesight is terrible and that I need to get glasses."

Bob looked at the page and had to hide his alarm from her. Avery failed her eye exam spectacularly. It was a wonder to Bob that she was even able to see in her classroom. But now her squinting and her preference for one, well worn book were starting to make sense. As he filled in the blanks in his mind, he said, "Glasses aren't so bad," while he tapped his own silver frames. "They certainly make my day a lot easier."

She kind of rolled her eyes and said, "But you're an adult. People aren't going to make fun of you for wearing glasses."

"You think you'll get made fun of?" Bob asked softly, folding the yellow paper in half.

"Yes," she replied immediately as she wiped at her tears. "I already do. Glasses will make it so much worse."

Bob wanted to press her for more details, but he didn't think this was the right moment. Instead he asked, "Is that why you only like to read The Secret Garden? Because you already know most of the words by heart?"

Avery looked at him like she couldn't believe he solved a very complex riddle. "Yes."

He nodded and asked, "Would you like to be able to read other books, too? Because glasses would definitely help with that."

She shrugged and sniffed as she said, "I like books about gardens and flowers and fairies. I don't know of any other ones I would like anyway."

Bob patted her on the shoulder one more time and said, "I like those kinds of books, too. And I think I can help you get glasses that look cool and help you pick out more books. If you'll let me."

Another partial shrug was his only answer, but at least she wasn't telling him no. As he climbed back into the driver's seat, he sent you a quick text telling you that he and Avery were fine and to go ahead and have dinner on your own. Then he drove along to his optometrist's office, hoping they would squeeze an extra appointment into their schedule.

"You're in luck," the receptionist told him when they arrived. "There was a last minute cancellation. Have a seat, and we can take you back shortly."

The rack hanging on the wall was filled with books and magazines for people of all ages, but Bob watched Avery squint as she took a seat empty handed. He skimmed a magazine and offered to read an article to her, but she said no. When ten minutes had passed, Bob asked her, "Are the kids at school mean to you?" 

He was already considering other options that might make her feel more comfortable when she said, "I just don't fit in. Everyone else has parents or grandparents. Everyone else is loud, and I like it better when it's quiet. Everyone else already made friends."

Bob nodded his head. It was like she was living his own childhood in many ways. "I like it better when it's quiet, too. So does my wife. And making friends can be hard at any age. I still struggle with it."

"You do?" she asked him, eyes wide and interested.

"Absolutely. Sometimes I still get nervous and stumble over what I want to say, and I'm thirty-nine. And you know what?"

"What?"

"There's nothing wrong with that."

He watched Avery take a deep breath and look down at her hands before both of their names were called. Once they were in the exam room, Bob got to witness her fail the test for the second time in one day, and then her tears started up again. The crying was only made worse when the receptionist popped in and tried to quietly tell Bob that Avery wasn't approved for any vision insurance. 

The child was clearly smart as a whip, and if she was having a hard time fitting in at school, he didn't want to make it worse by making her feel like she didn't fit in with you and him either. "I was planning on paying out of pocket today," he told the receptionist who just nodded in response. Then he turned to Avery and said, "Looks like the nurse was right. How about we pick out some glasses?"

She looked at the displays while she wiped at her eyes with a tissue, but she wouldn't tell Bob which ones she wanted to try on. "Which ones are the cheapest?" she asked softly.

"I have no idea," Bob replied easily. "What's your favorite color?"

"Purple," she whispered, and Bob followed her squinting gaze to a purple frame sitting on a shelf above her head. 

"I like purple, too," he said as he reached them down and handed them to her. She held them for a couple minutes, and Bob decided not to rush her. She finally slipped them on and looked in the mirror, and he told her, "I think they look cool."

She nodded a little bit. "They're pretty good. But nobody else at school has purple glasses." 

As she removed them and tried to hand them back to him, Bob quickly looked at the adult sized frames. There was one pair that came in a deep purple, and he kind of liked them. "Just hang onto those for a minute. I need help picking out new glasses for myself, okay? What do you think about these?" 

When he removed his wire frames and replaced them with the purple plastic, it seemed like Avery couldn't help but smile. "I like them."

He nodded once. "Then I'll get them. That way we can match since we both like purple. Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome," she replied quietly, looking at the glasses she was still holding before handing them to Bob.

He took both pairs in his hand before nodding toward the door. "I'm feeling like it's a good day to get ice cream for dinner and look around the bookstore. I can think of at least two more books that you might like to read once your glasses are ready for you to wear. Sound good?"

"Yes."

--------------------------

You didn't know what to expect when Bob brought Avery home after seven o'clock on a school night, but you definitely weren't prepared to hear her laughter for the first time. You'd barely made any progress on your novel since Avery arrived a few weeks ago, merely existing in your own funk all day long. But the sound of Bob's voice followed by her light giggle as they walked inside left you feeling better than you had in ages.

"Hi," you said, your voice dripping with optimism as Bob headed your way with a shopping bag in his hand. 

"Hi, Honey," he replied, kissing your cheek while Avery took her shoes off.

"How was school?" you asked her. 

"Terrible," she told you with a smile aimed up at Bob. "I failed my eye exam."

"Oh," you gasped, already making a mental note to call the eye doctor first thing in the morning so she could get some glasses. "We can take care of it for you."

"Already did," Bob said as he squeezed your hand. "Stopped on the way home and picked them out. Should be ready next week."

"Really?" you asked in surprise as he pulled two books out of the bag. Both were covered in vines and flowers, but one was clearly a novel for an adult while the other was much slimmer and looked like it was for Avery's reading level.

"Yes," he replied softly. "Now, on the drive home, I told Avery that you're a writer, but that you're also really good at reading books out loud." When you nodded and looked at her, she was squinting up at you. Bob handed you the smaller book and said, "I didn't get to take a shower before I left work, so I need to go do that now. But I promised Avery that you'd read a chapter to her after she gets ready for bed." He patted her on the shoulder and then made his way upstairs.

Your head was swimming with information. New glasses and new books and a child who was looking up at you with hope in her eyes. A husband who set up some time for you to spend alone with her. Tears stung your eyes as you said, "I love reading books out loud. Do you want to change for bed and brush your teeth now?"

Ten minutes later, you were sitting next to Avery on the spare bed, reading to her about a magical garden filled with flowers that turned the characters into superheroes. You read all sixteen pages of the first chapter, and then she asked you to read more. 

It was a little bit past bedtime when you finished the third chapter, and she was yawning. "How about I go get you one of my bookmarks from my office? And we can read more tomorrow night?"

"Okay," she replied easily, and when you returned a minute later with a bookmark that had a purple tassel, she smiled. "I like this book so far, but I think I'd like it a lot better if there were fairies, too. Thank you for reading to me."

"You're very welcome," you told her, barely shutting off the light in time for a tear to slide down your cheek. "Goodnight, Avery."

When you rushed into your own bedroom, Bob was in bed reading the other new book. "How did you do it?" you asked him, quickly climbing under the covers with him. "How did you get her to open up a little bit?"

He set the book down with a soft smile. "She just needed some time, Honey. She's a lot like me. She can't be rushed."

"No," you said, pushing your fingers through his hair as you cried a little bit. "That's not it. I think you're actually magical."

"Maybe," he agreed. "But her vision is so bad. That's why I think she kept reading The Secret Garden. She probably has it memorized and didn't want to tell anyone she couldn't see."

"Poor thing," you whispered, realizing that most of Bob's magic came from his patience as you fell asleep in his arms.

-------------------------

A week later, Bob noticed you were exhausted, but you seemed a lot happier, because Avery seemed a lot happier. You had successfully read two books to her, and she was starting to become more vocal around the house. He was hoping she was having an easier time making friends at school now, too. But he was a little bit concerned with how late into the night you'd been working.

When he got a message around lunchtime letting him know both pairs of glasses were ready, he smiled. Pretty soon Avery would be able to attempt reading a new book on her own. He sent you a text letting you know that he'd be home with Avery after a quick stop back at the optometrist's office. And when he picked her up from school, she squinted at his car before climbing in the backseat. 

"Ready to go get our new glasses?" he asked before pulling out onto the road.

"Yes," she replied softly. "I've decided that wearing glasses is a better alternative than not being able to read new books. At least until I can get contacts."

Bob chuckled. "A wise choice."

A few seconds later, she asked, "Will you take me to the library this weekend? There have to be more books there that I'd like."

"Of course I'll take you to the library. We can ask the librarian to help you find you as many books as you want to read."

He hoped that would make the new glasses an even easier decision for her. He parked and led her inside where the eye doctor got them both fitted correctly before handing them a mirror. "What do you think?" Bob asked as he smiled at Avery. "I think they look cool on you."

She shrugged. "They're okay."

"Can you see better?"

"Yes," she whispered. On the way outside, she said, "Thanks for getting new glasses with me. I like yours, too."

Bob checked himself in the mirror before he backed out of the parking spot. "I think it's kind of my color."

You were waiting in the living room for them when Bob opened the front door. The house smelled like dinner cooking, and you had a stack of bound pages on the couch next to you. When you jumped to your feet, you said, "You both look great!" as you bounced in place a little bit.

"Purple is kind of our color," Avery said, making Bob laugh as you covered your massive smile with your fingertips. 

"It really is," you replied, wrapping Bob in a quick hug before cautiously placing your hand on Avery's shoulder for a beat. "I have something I wanted to show you. I was hoping to get your opinion."

"Me?" she asked, looking up at you, eyes wide behind her purple frames.

"Yes," you told her softly. "I've been working on a new story for the past week, and I really think you'll be able to help me with the ending."

"What kind of story?" she asked you, and Bob slowly made his way into the kitchen where he could still hear the two of you talking. 

"Well," you told her as she joined you on the couch, "it's about a fairy who gets invited to live in a magic garden. And she starts to learn how to use magic herself while a friendly witch and a kind wizard supervise her. And the garden is really pretty, and she loves it there and starts to make friends with the other creatures. Do you want to take a look at it?"

"Okay."

Bob hovered in the doorway and watched you hand the bound manuscript to the little girl next to you while you chewed nervously on your lip. He knew you wanted this to work out; he did too. He was also very surprised that you'd been working on this for the past week without sharing your secret even with him. But it truthfully wasn't really for him. It was for her. And you.

The child looked up at you and whispered, "You named the fairy Avery."

You just nodded and smiled. "Your name is so pretty, and you remind me of the kind of little girl who would have magic inside her."

Avery turned back to the page in front of her and snuggled in a little bit closer to you. She started reading out loud, and after a few pages, handed it over to you for a little bit. The two of you went back and forth like this for an hour before Bob carried in two plates of dinner and set them on the coffee table. 

"Even magic fairies get hungry," he said softly before leaving both of you to the story.

---------------------------

When you woke up a few weeks later on Avery's ninth birthday, you were beyond exhausted. The past few nights had been late ones for you as you tried to finish up and edit the story you'd been working on. The title that the two of you came up with was The Littlest Fairy in the Garden, and you were just as proud of this as your true crime releases. 

Then you realized that there was actually a reason why you woke up. You could hear Bob talking. It sounded like he was on the phone even though it was barely eight o'clock. You climbed out of bed and stretched before finding him sitting on the floor in the walk-in closet talking softly on the phone in his pajama pants, undershirt and purple glasses.

"I'm sure she's going to agree with me. We want to move forward if that's what Avery wants, but I'll call you back in an hour or two. Thank you so much."

He ended the call right when you asked, "Who was that?"

Bob jumped a bit as he looked up at you with a tentative smile. "Our lawyer," he whispered. 

"What did they say?" you whispered back as he got to his feet and wrapped his arms around you. 

When Bob's lips found your ear, you shivered at his words. "It was just a preliminary conversation, but they asked if we would be interested in pursuing adoption."

"With Avery?" you gasped, and he nodded against you. 

"Yes. With Avery."

Tears filled your eyes as you clung to him. You thought about all the books she'd been reading with you and the birthday cake waiting in the kitchen. You could practically still smell the oatmeal cookies she and Bob made a few days ago. You could picture her smile and imagine her laughter, both of which were coming more easily with each passing day. "I want to adopt her. She belongs here. With us."

"I think so, too," he replied immediately, and you could hear the unshed tears in her voice. "I think we should have a conversation with her about it today. The process could take a little time, but I want to be sure it's what she wants as well."

You nodded, a jerky motion against him as your heart pounded faster and faster. "Let's talk about it when she wakes up."

Bob led you downstairs to the kitchen, his fingers laced with yours, and he started to crack some eggs while you made coffee and fresh orange juice. Avery had picked the menu for each meal today for her birthday, and the plan was to take her to the zoo after lunch. There was currently a purple banner with flowers and fairies on it stretched across the kitchen along with a large assortment of balloons. You couldn't remember being this excited about something in such a long time.

"Good morning," came a soft voice from the bottom of the stairs, and you nearly dropped a mug on the floor as you turned to look at her.

"Happy birthday!" you and Bob replied in unison, and then all three of you started laughing. 

Without another word, Avery made her way into the kitchen in her Minnie Mouse pajamas and gave you a hug around the waist. You gasped softly as you hugged her back, her purple glasses pressing against you. Then she tucked herself against Bob's side and hugged him right after that. "Thanks for all the birthday stuff. And thanks for being so nice to me and getting me glasses and everything."

You and Bob shared a look over her head as he rubbed his hand along her shoulder. "It makes us happy that you're here, Avery," he said softly, and you had to swipe at your tears. "Let's have your breakfast, and maybe we can talk about making this permanent."

"Permanent? Like me staying here for a while?" she asked softly as she looked up at him.

"Like you staying here forever."

--------------------------

This is a little birthday treat for @wkndwlff! I hope you have a great day, Taylor! I set out to write a nice little story based on this mood board, but somehow it turned into this angsty thing instead. Thanks to @sylviebell @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

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[starlight-library]

Impromptu dates | LN4

pairing: lando norris x sick!bookworm!reader

summary: a bookworm & f1 driver + stomach bug = the best lazy date ever.

warnings: none!

fc: none!

wc: 859

Most people hated being sick.

It’s understandable that people hated being sick. They don’t feel. They feel gross. They feel off. The list goes on and on on why people hated being sick. Especially people who are more independent and hate the idea of someone else taking care of them. Which you understood as it hit a bit too close to home.

Which is why as someone fiercely independent as you are, people never understood why you enjoy being sick. 

You could never find the words to explain it when people ask you on the spot. You try and try yet you’re never happy with your answer and people never quite believed you which was fair but you didn’t care. You enjoyed it when you were sick. 

Not violently ill, which you emphasize. You did not enjoy running a super high fever, or running to the bathroom, or having your head constantly over a toilet vomiting up basically nothing. That was not fun. You enjoy the kind of sickness where you can’t go out into the world for a day or two. Maybe a low grade fever that’ll pass or a quick stomach bug that’s out of your system fast but you still take the precaution and stay indoors. 

Why?

Well that’s because it means you can stay under the covers after a shower with your kindle in its little tablet holder. Page turner remote in hand while having your water and drink of choice (mostly iced coffee), and some white noise as background noise. It was truly perfection for you.

Yet it was Lando’s hell.

Lando, your boyfriend, hated when you were sick. It meant no cuddles. No hugs. No kisses. Any physical contact was on halt and it was already torture given his schedule so the rare time he did get to see you in person and you were sick? He was miserable. Sure, you two video called but it just made him more sad that he wasn’t there to take care of you even if you swore that you didn’t need someone to take care of you. He refused to believe it so he would send you meals and medicine. He refused to let you pay him back so you’ve learned to accept it without the guilt weighing on your shoulders. It was a nice agreement you two had silently made and nothing really could beat this.

Until now.

There was a month break in between Singapore and Austin and Lando was going to soak up every second he could get and it was fine till somehow you caught a stomach bug. Lando refused to leave which also meant he caught the stomach bug.

You’re happily half laying/half sitting next to Lando against some pillows under a weighted heated blanket. You have one of his sweatshirts on while sipping your iced coffee and looking at your kindle while Lando tosses and turns next to you. You tried offering him medicine or some crackers and soup but he’s turned all the options down but now it seems he’s settled down. You look over and are greeted with the same green-blue eyes you’ve grown to pick out of the crowd in a moment. You see the curls sticking to his forehead and gently you push some out of the way and smile. “Hey.”

“How are you drinking iced coffee right now?” The Brit asks.

You shrug before smiling, “I don’t know. Guess I feel better after cleaning my stomach out and taking some medicine unlike someone.” Poking his forehead, you giggle while he huffs slightly and moves his head away. You hear Lando grumble something about the medicine tasting bad and you roll your eyes. “You’re such a big baby.”

Lando pouts slightly grumbling he is not a big baby before you return to your book. You look back hearing a huff and raise a brow. “Yes?”

“How do you just lay here and read and do nothing? I’m so bored yet too tired to get up.”

You shrug, “I just get really engrossed in my books sometimes I forget to even eat or pee.”

“You what!?” Lando sits up a bit in surprise before laying down and whining at his upset stomach.

“Oh come here.” You start.

You shift and sit up a bit more and reach over and rearrange your nightstand. You move your drinks further back along with your tablet holder before grabbing your TV remote and turning the TV on. You watch Lando lay there for a moment before shifting closer. He tosses and turns before slowly he settles on his stomach letting a soft sigh of relief out. Wrapping his arms around your waist, the Brit nuzzles his face into your stomach before settling down and looking at the TV. Lando flips through some apps and television options before settling on ‘The Hangover’.

Settling back down against the pillows you run your fingers gently through his hair while you go back to your book, the movie becoming background noise for you. This is how you two spend the evening and it’s the best impromptu date and now becomes your go to date.

[loveandmurders]

So I read your 'What Soulmate AU for which slasher?'

And I was wondering if you could write a story for Billy Loomis?

On your wrist: "You gonna die tonight, love"

On their wrist: "And fuck, of course my soulmate is a serial killer" 

Hello love and THANK YOU FOR THIS REQUEST!!!! Gosh, I've been so excited to write for it, so I hope you'll enjoy it very much <3

Request based on this post.

GHOSTFACE IS MY SOULMATE (Billy Loomis x female reader)

Warnings: no proof reading, morally grey reader, mentions of sexual desire, mentions of killing, Billy plans on killing you, a few strong words.

You were on your own that night. Your parents were out for a little dinner together; they were celebrating their wedding anniversary. You didn’t mind having the house all to yourself for once. You had cooked some noodles, as you were too lazy to do more, and you were distractedly watching TV. Actually, you were barely listening to whatever that was happening on the screen, as your eyes were on your wrist. Your fingers were tracing the words on your skin. Your family and friends always tease you for the first sentence your soulmate would ever say to you: You’re gonna die tonight, love. 

And you had to admit, you didn’t really get it.

Everyone had some “normal” stuff such as “Hey, my name is” or “Hey, I love your dress” or “It’s been a while I wanted to ask you out”. But no, you apparently couldn’t do the boring stuff and you had to have something about love and death. You weren’t too sure if it was a threat to be honest. It could be a sentence said during halloween for instance, or during a horror convention. You loved horror movies, so your family thought that you were gonna meet a guy or a girl or someone doing some slasher cosplay. You wanted to believe that too. It would be too strange for your soulmate to actually want to kill you, right? 

Plus you didn’t really see yourself like the kind of person who could attract serial killers; you weren't Sidney Prescott. You weren’t attracting troubles usually. In fact, your love for horror movies and gruesome stories had always surprised your relatives, because you seemed too sweet to enjoy that kind of thing.

You continued to stare at your wrist. Alright, your soulmate must also like horror stuff and probably enjoyed cosplays. It sounded like a fun soulmate, right? And the nickname showed that they were quite flirtatious. It sounded even better! 

You sighed as you stroked the “tonight” word. You couldn’t count all the time you hoped it would indeed be that night. So many of your friends had already met their mates, and even your parents found each other before your age. You started to worry. Of course, you still had a lot of time and some of your friends didn’t even have one word on their skin because their soulmate died before they met. You thought you were lucky that yours was still around, but you were getting impatient. Your parents told you you should date people even if they weren’t your soulmate, but it felt strange for you. You only wanted them, and no one else. It felt too wrong to kiss someone who wasn’t meant for you. Maybe you were too loyal and romantic.

You sighed once again, nibbling on your food. You tried to focus on the TV, so you would stop thinking about your soulmate. You relaxed a little and you told yourself that you needed to be patient, that one day you would find them and everything would be soft and happy. You grabbed the TV remote and you tried to find something good to watch. What was good when your parents weren’t home or close by was that you could watch whatever you wanted… Including very bloody and violent movies. You had always tried to play it cool about your love for horror movies and especially about slashers, but deep down, nothing was making you hornier than a big killer destroying life for the sake of it.

If you were really honest with yourself, you would admit you were a little bit jealous of the attention Sidney got from Ghostface. Of course, you knew you shouldn’t think something like that. But it sounded very hot. Such a pity you weren’t interesting enough for a killer, because you would love to be called in the middle of the night and threatened by a dangerous murderer... 

Damn, you really hoped your soulmate would understand something like that and wouldn’t think you were a weirdo. You tried to remind yourself that your mate couldn’t think something like that, because they would love all of you, even the darkest part of yourself.

You were wondering what Sidney had you didn’t though. You were sighing once again when the house phone rang and you jumped in surprise. You thought your mother was checking on you or that one of your friends wanted to chat around. Your mouth was full with noodles but you still took the phone, not saying a word while you were chewing. You waited for the person to talk, and you had to admit that you had the strange sensation of having eyes on you. It was a little bit unsettling, but you were probably getting paranoid because of your obsession and because of the local news constantly talking about Ghostface. You heard someone heavily breathing into the phone and you felt goosebumps spreading all over your skin. The sound was ominous and for an instant you had the sensation of being in one of your favourite horror movies. You swallowed your food and continued to wait for the person to speak. Your heart was beating so fast, as if you knew something was going to happen.

“You’re gonna die tonight, love” the stranger finally said and you rolled your eyes, almost face palming yourself.

“And fuck, of course my soulmate is a serial killer” you grumbled. There was a moment of silence after that. “Hey, you’re still there?” you asked

“You’re really messing my plans up, you know that I hope” the killer you guessed was Ghostface grumpily said

“Well, sorry about that… You can still kill me though” you teased. Truth to be told, knowing that your soulmate was a serial killer was making things a lot easier for you; you wouldn’t need to hide your liking for dangerous people at all. Fate was doing things well sometimes.

“I really should because you’ve always been a pain; did you really need to call me a “serial killer” in your first words to me? Always had to hide my wrist because of that.” they continued to argue and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a little giggle

“Well if you were behaving, I wouldn’t have said that!” you hummed, finding the situation very funny

“You are enjoying yourself way too much, Y/N” Ghostface commented, but you could hear a slight hint of amusement in their voice.

“Maybe.” you smiled “Are you around then?” you asked as you started to look around yourself, trying to find from where the eyes were looking at you

“I am. But I need to find someone else to kill now.” they replied

“Oh, really?” you sounded disappointed “I mean, I’m glad you won’t kill me, but I thought we could meet in person right now?” you asked. You had waited for this moment your whole life, so you weren’t too eager to let them go that easily. Ghostface chuckled.

“So impatient. Don’t worry, love, I’ll be back. Let your room window open and I’ll meet you there in a little while.” they told you

“Promise?” you asked, a little bit worried they were going to disappear from your life now you just found them

“Promise.” they hummed before hanging up

You were on your bed, impatiently waiting for your serial killer. You were trying to read but you couldn’t focus on the words laying in front of your eyes. You parents weren’t back home yet, and you hoped Ghostface was going to show up before they could interrupt anything.

You heard a sound against your wall so you sat up, your heart beating so quickly once more. You nibbled on your bottom lip as you nervously played with your fingers. You had to admit that when the infamous Billy Loomis appeared at your window, you couldn’t believe it. You sat at the edge of your bed as he entered the room before leaning against the wall, the head tilted to the side. You watched each other in silence. Your heart calmed down now you were in the same room, and you could feel the bonds linking the two of you growing and becoming even stronger. You had always found Billy particularly hot, but a lot of people in school thought the same, and he knew it. You couldn’t have thought that the man was actually your soulmate. He finally softly smiled at you.

“Staying silent and not being all over me already? That’s good. You would have annoyed me otherwise” he said and you arched an eyebrow at him

“I knew that popularity was making people become assholes,” you teased and he laughed. He was liking you already. You were truly perfect. He had always thought that his soulmate would be afraid of him, or would be a problem in his masterplan, especially when the words on his wrists seemed to mean you knew the truth about him. But he shouldn’t have worried about it.

“You won’t call the police on me?” he asked you, just to make sure. You quickly shook your head.

“Of course not” you replied seriously this time “You’re my soulmate, I wouldn’t do something like that to you. I don’t mind you’re a killer. Actually, I’m not very surprised” you admitted and he smirked

“Yeah, I’ve noticed your little doodles about slashers in class. That’s why I picked you as my next target. I thought I could have some fun with you.” he told you

“You can still have some fun with me… Just a different kind of fun” you winked and he came closer to you, looking like a predator. He cupped your chin to make you look up at him.

“Already playing with fire, love” he hummed, his eyes were so dark and helding all kinds of promises “Maybe you shouldn’t trust me that easily. I was planning on killing you after all” he continued

“Key word: “was”, love” you smiled as you leaned into his touch. His fingers against your skin were sending electricity down your whole body. 

“Touché” he hummed and leaned so your lips were brushing against his. You boldly cupped his face and brought him even closer, so your mouth crashed onto his. He passionately answered your kiss and he made you lay down on the bed as he topped over you. He let you catch your breath for a second before leaning for another kiss. His touch was absolutely intoxicating and you just couldn’t get enough of him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and you heard him moan against your lips. He seemed to want you as badly as you wanted him. His hands were already freely roaming your body as you tried to press yourself impossibly closer to him.

“Are you gonna make out with me like that at school too?” you couldn’t help to ask, half teasing half serious

“Always” he groaned, clearly in need for more of you

“Thought you were with Sidney” you asked

“Shh, don’t worry, she’s soon to be dead anyways” he replied. His fingers were already under your top.

But you both stilled when you heard the front door being open and your mother calling your name.

“Shit” you mumbled with a pout on your lips. You had forgotten about your parents. Billy stroked your cheek and tried to calm down.

“Go downstairs. Spend some time with them. I’ll wait for them to go to bed to join you once again. You won’t get rid of me that easily” he darkly promised

“Oh yeah?” you teased, but deep down you were so relieved the man didn’t want to leave and was eager to spend as much time as possible with you. “You don’t have anything better to do?” you asked with a little smile.

“You need to make up for disturbing my plans, love” he teased back

“Y/N? You’re upstairs?” your father called for you

“Go, now, I’ll make up to you all you want tonight” you winked at him as you gently pushed him away from you, no matter how awful it felt.

“Promise?” he hummed, already knowing the answer

“Promise, my serial killer” you smiled. He stole another kiss from you before leaving your room.

Hopefully Sidney was going to be dead very soon so your boyfriend would be able to solely focus on you, you thought as you went downstairs, a smile on your face.

“How was your evening, mom, dad? Mine was really great” you said

“Ah yes?” your mother smiled at you, waiting for you to elaborate

“I think I’m in love” you hummed, your head full of love, death, kisses and chaos.

[didi-writes]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do some fluffy headcanons for mammon, and beel with a chubby reader who gets insecure if they still like them?

Thank you sm ��🏻

꒰🎶੭・how beel and mammon reassure insecure reader hcs .

characters : 3,297

warnings: mentions of insecurities, feeling upset over your appearance and slight jealousy feelings.

notes : a little angst + fluff , gender neutral reader hi!! hopefully you like them ^^ i apologize for not really making em headcanons though, hope that's not an issue. not proofread so sorry for any possible grammar mistakes.

— Beelzebub .

As of recently you had been feeling quite down about your appearance, insecurities were still something that would torment your thoughts every now and then. And today was another one of those days.

Beel noticed how you were more kept to yourself as he gulfed down another cheeseburger. He stared at you before speaking. "Y/N??" he asks. Beel noticed your rather sad expression as you looked up at the red haired demon sitting in front of you on his bed.

"are you sad Y/N??.." Beel asked softly, focusing his attention on you. As you sighed his expression softened further. "do you still...like me? at all? i mean, i feel so unattractive sometimes Beel" you replied quietly.

Beel furrowed his brows as soon as he heard you talking negatively about yourself. "Y/N. did someone make u feel this way?" he asks, his vibe shifting from concern to serious.

"No..just myself i guess" you'd reply, staring back at the guy. His expression softens again as he pulls you into his arms up onto his lap. Beel wraps his arms around your figure, resting his chin onto your shoulder, his hold firm.

"Yes, i do still like you. you make me feel warm on the inside. You make me feel full, but in a different way than food does and when im with you i always feel better Y/N. And i think you are very attractive, you're so soft and i love holding you...i love you Y/N..a lot, please do not feel this way, i will always like you" Beel replied, his firm hands softly caressing your stomach and sides as he continued to hold you. He kissed your shoulder and smiled when he heard you let out a soft sigh, relaxing into his hug.

He would spend the rest of his day around you and making sure you know he only has eyes for you! (and food of course)

— Mammon .

Mammon and you were together in his room like usual, hanging out. He counted his money he had earned from his recent modelling gig. He got up and stretched, letting out a happy sigh. "Y/N!! Your oh-so very great and amazing boyfriend earned 7,000 Grimm! aren't ya proud of me?" He said, turning around to face you.

You looked up, lost in thought as you forced a quick smile nodding as Mammon waved the bills around. "mhmm, good job" You'd add, your tone slightly upset, which Mammon took notice of.

"What's got ya so down?.." He asked, plopping down onto the couch next to you. You sigh and shake your head, telling him it's nothing. Mammon didn't let go of it and got closer towards you, speaking in a soft manner. "cmon..what's wrong??".

"Do you still like me?? i mean..im not even remotely as good looking as the people you're constantly surrounded with" You said, staring at Mammon. He furrowed his brows, his hands moving to your face to cup your cheeks.

"How dare ya believe the great Mammon wouldn't like you Y/N. i very much like you...you're the most attractive looking person in all 3 worlds to me. I wouldn't dare think otherwise, your my human, and you always will be....i love you.." He replies, muttering the 'i love you'

Mammon pulled you closely, hugging you tightly as he softly petted your head. "I wouldn't wish to have anyone else in my arms rn...your beautiful/handsome Y/N, i mean it." He added, placing a kiss onto your head. You looked up at him, noticing his cheeks flushed red. You smiled, hugging him back as he denied his blush.

thank you sm for reading! have a great day or night ♡

[hinatiny]

plans ruined but that's okay ੈ✩‧₊˚ sugawara koshi

when you wake up to an unexpected storm, you realize you have to procrastinate everything you had scheduled on a particular saturday. nothing that can be helped, really, and sugawara is quite happy about that.

w.c: 0.6k

the rain is heavy outside, harshly pattering against the window, to the point it slowly begins to bring you out of your pleasant sleep. through blurry eyes and thin linen curtains, it’s hard to see it but it’s definitely pouring. you think about how the weather forecast last night must’ve been spitting bullshit, because you’re greeted by anything but the clear blue sky it had predicted—you quickly realize that everything on your to-do list for the day might as well be crossed out.

even though summer hasn’t even ended yet, there’s a slight chill in the air. when you sit up and the covers slide down your frame, it raises goosebumps on your skin. it’s humid too, making the room feel the slightest bit icky. you reach for the phone on the nightstand table, only briefly to check what time it is, and sigh upon seeing it’s just a few minutes past six.

still, you try to make the best of it. the weather might not be the ideal one what goes your now ruined plans, but there’s a sense of comfort in the sound of bulleting hail. in tune with flashes of light, occasional thunder reverberates between the clouds but you’re in the security of your home; the roaring it comes with only becomes another background noise. you’re not fully awake enough to prepare breakfast really yet, but the idea of having a warm beverage in the incoming storm is quite tempting. thinking about it, maybe it’s a good thing that you no longer can do any of the plans you had for today. maybe you don’t have to feel bad about going back to sleep for just a little longer.

the arm around your waist seems to agree.

its loose hold suddenly tightens and although the fingertips around your side barely press into your shirt, you soon find yourself pulled back to the sheets again. your head misses the pillows a terribly lot, but you can already tell it’s impossible to move in the grip you’re kept in. "suga, can i at least—"

"no." "at least hear me o—" "no, you’re going to get out of bed." "i just want my pillows." "..."

sugawara eases his arm around you, and you’re able to find the softness of the pillows. just as fast, you’re carefully hauled back to his chest. calm breaths warm your nape at an even pace. it’s not like there’s anything remotely close to danger around you but in this embrace, you feel safer than ever; like you’re meant to melt into each other, like two tangible halves of a complete serenity.

"can’t we just stay at home today?"

you chuckle at his suggestion, feeling a light tingle in your stomach when the chime of it makes him smile against your shoulder. "it’s not like we can do much in this weather." he mumbles, something you can’t hear properly but you guess it’s something close to a satisfied good. it really isn’t, considering how much there is to do, but the longer you stay in this peace, the less you can bring yourself to care. you let yourself relax into the sheets instead, into the reassuring hold around you. this is good too.

sugawara lies there no better than you. in fact, as unusual as it is for his routine-proper self, he cares even less than you do about… nearly everything. it’s saturday, your scheduled plans are ruined, there’s nothing you can do about it and he’s shamelessly glad about that. he’s satisfied with staying in bed for a while longer, maybe even for hours if not the entire day, because the tranquility of your closeness makes him feel like there’s no need to mind anything else.

"uh, suga… my plants are still on the balcony."

truly, anything else.

"i don’t care, let them drown."

[hastyprovocateur]

Another Analysis on Mizu×Akemi

(Because there can never be enough)

l gotta admit it... the show was very ambiguous as to which character ends up with who and under what circumstances they're going to like each other. A lot of people see Taigen and Mizu because Mizu's sexuality, atleast in regards to liking men, is confirmed. She did feel attracted to her husband when she was married and she does associate some strong feelings with Taigen since she imagined that heated fight moment in the brothel when Kaji showed her the threesome. Then again... it's a threesome so there's allusion but no absolutes so far.

As for Mizu and Akemi, even if the two women could move in a romantic direction, they were too tied up in their own shit. Mizu was preoccupied with her revenge which is why she gave Akemi up in ep5 and Akemi couldn't see past her marriage with Taigen not because she thought he was a great guy but because he was the best option. He was close to home and not an entire brute as far as she knew. And then she didn't have a choice in marrying Taka either who turned out to be decent but no man warrants undying love just for being half human.

Needless to say, Akemi was dealing with her own shit. Mizu had Fowler to kill and there was little allusion to romance even if there are strong feelings between the two. Akemi, still, had to mean something for Mizu to flash back the first time their eyes met on the bridge when she was close to dead. As well as the addition of Akemi's knife to her blade. Likewise, Akemi claimed to have searched the onryo's eyes for love. But that's it as far as proof of feelings go. Nothing more Nothing less.

Coming to Mizu, even if her feelings were involved somewhere between Taigen and Akemi, she didn't didn't intervene in ep 8 and set the record straight by setting Akemi free, sending Taigen after her so they can be together and then leaving Ringo with Master Eiji. I was convinced that Akemi was gonna run into Taigen's arms after finding her newfound freedom but I was impressed when she chose greatness instead.

As for Mizu's revenge, she deliberately embarked to London alone. As far as she knows, everyone is better off without her but we see quite evidently that after Mizu's intervention nothing is going to be the same again. This doesn't show that she doesn't care, she does to the extent of resolving everything so they can be happy, but for the sake of her revenge, it is understood that Mizu doesn't want to get distracted from her focus or have a loved one get injured because of her path.

NOW... everything else is speculation. It's anyone's guess so I'll try my hand at it. I'm thinking of the bigger picture here and no revenge story ends in revenge right? It ends with love. And Mizu won't be paired up with a Londoner I'm sure, because her story has to wind back to Japan, where she started.

So who could she end up with? Ringo is her best friend and confidante but the writing focuses greatly on their platonic bond. There is allusion to more with Taigen, who is her childhood bully turned blood brother granted he's not major of a character, the writers downplayed him themselves by not giving him that intense of a character arc like Akemi or a whole change of absolute resolve for revenge unlike Mizu.

Writingwise, Taigen was always kinda straddling the line of liking Akemi but really not, wanting to kill Mizu but really not, wanting honour but really not, wanting happiness but really not. His end wasn't concluded beyond him getting rejected by Akemi and his and Mizu's future was not remotely indicated. If he was on the ship with her, the writers would've shown us but he's suspended midair for the time being.

If Mizu is to have a high stake romance, it... has to be with Akemi... don't you think? Taigen never posed any real threat to Mizu, he can't outclass or outsmart her, they have great camaraderie and that's when he finally decided to treat her decently and going beyond to show loyalty, trust and support for what she does. There wasn't heavy ground for him to dislike her initially either, outside of his own arrogance. It wasn't a big change of character on his part to like Mizu since he's never had sincere grounds for hating her in the first place.

Even if Taigen improves his character in the following season, I can't see Mizu and Taigen being balanced and opposed enough for the two to willingly choose the other against the odds as opposed to falling in love due to convenient proximity. Taigen, I'm sorry to say, seems to blow with the wind and doesn't have much determination for pursuits as far as the writing goes. Pairing that with Mizu's iron will creates dissonance. If Mizu chooses love, it would be against the ODDS of all her other pursuits.

Her rage. Her revenge. Her agony.

And that, I only see matched in Akemi.

Only Akemi could go against her grain as much as Mizu to actually fall in love.

Akemi isn't in love with the Shogun's son, but has accepted him as a means to her pursuit for greatness for the purpose of which Takayoshi is a decent man who is likely to not try and subdue her. I'd go so far to say Akemi has rejected love as a means to survive and is bent on acquiring power to ensure her success so that no harm comes her way because. Just like Mizu, she once fought for love only to get betrayed by it.

Seki brought the Shogun's proposal to Daichi because he'd decided on Akemi's behalf that "Im only doing what's right for you." Taigen put his honour above ensuring that Akemi is not displaced in his absence, Akemi's father had all intentions of carting her off as a commodity to the Shogun's for his own political schemes, telling her that she's "not the hero of his family." And Mizu... also doomed Akemi in the hubris of thinking "She's better off."

In Kaji's words- "You stood by as the guards dragged her away screaming." Akemi doesn't see Mizu as trustworthy anymore, any overture for friendship or romance will take a lot from her end because from Akemi's perspective, she rode back captive on horseback with strange men, coming to terms with that fact that her agency will now be ripped away, her teeth blackened as an accessory to visually appeal to her new family and she'll be forced into her new husband's quarters to commit her "wifely duties." Takayoshi not being a brute was an exeption to the rule and for which Akemi is greatly lucky which makes sense why she's decided to stick by her new means and to work within them.

Circling back to stories... just as all revenge stories end with the prevalence of love so do all stories of greatness. Akemi and Mizu both deserve to be loved and it is evident because that's all they wanted initially. A simple house on the edge of nowhere, a life unremarkable and staid. Filled only by love and the company of two. For both Mizu and Akemi, this dream of love only brought crushing pain, it cemented them into paths where they want anything but love. Mizu in her descent for revenge and Akemi on her ascent to power. Their middle ground is love which they will have to fight towards if they ever decide to meet halfway but god... it would be a glorious fight.

In a future season... if a certain someone... fell in love enough to give up... power... and a certain someone fell in love enough to give up revenge. If the red eyed princess... decided to run away with the blue eyed samurai... in that, I will find peace...

[bitebitesnap]

Something that interests me sometimes conceptually is yanderes.

Now I'm not a fan of them. The obsession, the downright horror vibes-it just bothers me..sometimes. There had been a few times where it's actually been kind of interesting, though it's usually because it's not super involved with making the Reader useless or just prey to be hunted.

But that aside, it's not the point, I was thinking about something.

Goku as a yandere would be horrifying.

And I'm not talking about his power. Technically, Vegeta is within the same range so it's not like it's much different from him going on a rampage. No what I mean isn't so much strength. It's reason.

Let's say Goku takes in what happened with Frieza and puts it to heart. Let's say the anger, the rage of becoming a Super Saiyan boils through to his core and changes him at the root-but also not quite. He's still the silly, goofy sweetheart everyone knows....but not quite.

Being on Namek during it's destruction taught him that he can't just let people go as easily. Just because they could be good deep down doesn't mean anything. If they have the chance, remote as it is, to turn on any of them then it's game over no matter how powerful they are. Maybe they aren't a threat to him, but to everyone else they could be the worst thing alive.

So he can't take that risk. Won't allow it to even take root.

He cuts off Gero before he can even release the other androids. Blasted to bits the minute he saw him. 19 went down too because he wasn't prepared to take the attack at full power.

Sure. A few buildings were destroyed, maybe a few people lost. But that's what the dragon balls are for right? And besides, he could feel the virus starting up so he had to act fast! Don't blame him for doing what needed to be done!

Cell is a surprise but not much more of a challenge either. Poor bastard barely got the chance to get away in his first form, and without the other two androids around to fuel his perfect form he had nothing else at all. Okay so some people got hurt in the fight but it's okay too! Dragon Balls, okay?

And without the Cell games, without his sacrifice...there's not much else to do now, is there? He's got nothing to fight, nothing to worry about. Sure he's got Piccolo and Vegeta so it's not like he's completely bored. Also, Gohan is getting seriously strong! He'd love to have a good spar against him when he gets older!

But....it doesnt'....feel quite right..

With nothing to fight, nothing is threatening his friends anymore. He should feel relieved, happy even.

So why does he feel like something is wrong..? Why does he feel anxious, afraid..almost like something is going to happen.

He kept a close watch on all of his friends, going so far as to intrude into their lives to make absolutely sure they were fine. He'd pop in at any point jsut to 'check in', he said, and when nothing was found and everything was fine he'd pop out. 'See?' He'd tell himself, 'Everything is fine. Don't worry about it!'

But he couldnt'...stop...

Simple check turned into hours long stalking. Stalking turned to obsessively watching over them at all hours, staying awake all night hopping between their homes. He couldn't count how many days and nights he'd been awake anymore. Only keeping track of when the sun rose and fell so he could go back to his home and watch over Gohan and you/Chi-Chi.

But it;s still not enough...! What was wrong!?

Then it happens. An inconspicuous little event that could have been missed by anyone had he not been so deranged by the need to keep an eye out for it.

A simple robbery. Not even a well planned out one, the robber had the bright idea to wander into Bulma's open window to steal a few pieces of her jewelry. It was so one-track and clearly idiotic that even she could have handled it.

But Goku was there. He saw it happen.

Poor bastard had no idea what was going on until he was several miles up in the air, dangling by his throat in the hands of a sleep deprived, wild-eyed Saiyan.

He knew of wars, petty battles between factions for something or another. Some part of him envied the rivalries humans could have with each other without running the risk of blowing up a planet. Being weaker, they had countless other's just like them to fight. No stagnation, always another challenge or threat right among their own.

Being himself, a Saiyan as powerful as he was, Goku never had to look down at them as a danger. His friends were strong, stronger than anyone like this little bug in his hands.

....Weren't they..?

His eyes harden, ignoring the squirming roach.

If they were...then why didnt Vegeta do anything to stop this attempt? Why didn't Yamcha?

Were there other infractions like this? Were they all ignoring it? Just letting it happen, right behind their backs where they could get stabbed just like he was when Frieza-

The crunch happens in the back of his head. His eyes watch the pest's neck flop over his fist but see nothing.

Quiet. It was quiet for the first time in a long, long while.

No noises catching his attention. No anxious energy driving him mad. No wild emotions left unchecked from exhaustion.

He was...calm.

Slowly he brings the body closer. The life force is long gone. No light blinks in the eyes. It's dead. Gone. No threat to anyone.

...Because of him..

And it clicks.

It doesn't matter if Vegeta didn;t get to him, he did. Yamcha wouldn't have fought anyways, he was a coward now and terrified of death.

But because he was here, he did. He caught the bastard. He ended the threat. He saved Bulma.

He saved her from something no one was looking for.

With everyone fresh out of a series of disasters centered mostly around the stars or his past, no one was focusing on the present. How could they? They'd been subjected to it for so long they'd grown numb to it by now. A simple robbery was nothing to them-less than nothing.

They were blind to an enemy they couldn't even think of anymore.

So he clenches the body's neck even tighter. Flesh engorges into a red mass in his palm but he ignores it. Even when the balloon bursts and crimson runs down his fingers. As meat squeezes out into and over his palm, the tongue forced out in a breathless gag.

He was their champion right? The strongest under the sun. The warrior who bested the worst of the universe, the tyrant Frieza, the android's maker, even the warrior built specifically to destroy him. He'd done it all. He'd do it a thousand times over if it meant protecting those he loved.

What was a few, measly little lives of a few bugs that dared to call themselves humans? Did their lives matter, even, if they dared to stoop so low as to be like the monsters he's conquered? Were they lives at all or simply dust under his heels?

The body is flung in a random direction. He doesn;'t care where it lands. His muscles are tight with renewed energy, mind clear and focused on a single, soul driven purpose.

He would protect everyone. He would destroy anything that got in his way. Be the wall between them and total destruction.

He was Son Goku the Saiyan, the warrior, Earth's mightiest protector. But if the Earth itself wanted to turn on anyone he cared about....

Then not even the Earth mattered to him anymore.

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part seventy-two: "The Belated Valentine's"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Matt surprises you with a date night out to make up for the two of you spending Valentine's Day broken up.

Or You learn Matt tried to subtly have a date with you two years ago.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 3.8k

a/n: A sweet, fluffy installment that features a flashback to pre-relationship with Reader in Matt's naughty POV. You can find the entire list of installments for this series on tumblr here.

You were staring at the contents of your fridge after having just arrived back home from work about ten minutes ago. It was looking quite sparse considering tonight was a Friday night and you hadn’t gotten groceries in a few days. Frowning, you realized there wasn’t much worth making for dinner. 

You sighed and shut the fridge door. It appeared you’d be ordering takeout for you and Matt tonight. He’d called you on your lunch break earlier and sounded incredibly eager to spend the evening with you. Apparently he hadn’t been intending to go out as Daredevil tonight. ‘I just want to spend my night with you, sweetheart,’ he’d told you earlier in that charming tone of his. 

And for some reason his enthusiasm to see you tonight had left you nervous. 

Unfortunately you had absolutely nothing in your fridge to make for dinner. Maybe he’d be feeling takeout, though you knew he usually preferred when you cooked. He often said the food tasted better since you intentionally tried to cook with his heightened senses in mind.

Three knocks came from your apartment door and you turned quickly in surprise towards the sound. You hadn’t been expecting Matt to show up so soon, usually he spent a bit longer at the office on Friday nights lately. He was often trying to finish things up so he wouldn’t have to deal with work over the weekend since the firm had gotten quite busy recently. 

Confused, you crossed your apartment and made your way over to the door. You unlocked the deadbolt and the lock before pulling it open to reveal Matt’s smiling face. Your eyes quickly dropped down, noticing the large vase of peonies in his hands–it certainly didn’t look cheap. Immediately your brows furrowed as you stepped aside and invited him in.

“Uh, did I forget that today was something important?” you asked nervously, mentally trying to recall the date as you closed the door behind him.

“No,” Matt said, the smile never wavering. “You didn’t.”

He held out the vase towards you and your eyes once again dropped down towards it, studying it carefully. It was big. And absolutely stunning.

“What are these for?” you asked him slowly.

“You,” he answered. “They’re for you, sweetheart. Happy belated Valentine’s Day. Since I ruined our first one.”

You shot him a pointed look. “Matt,” you scolded. “I thought we’d been over all of that.”

“We have been,” he agreed, nodding. “But I did mess it up. And I hate that you spent that evening the way you did. Getting drunk at a bar because of me.” He grimaced, continuing on before you could say anything. “So I’m trying to make it up to you now. Can I take you to dinner tonight?”

Your jaw dropped as you stood there staring silently back at him. Blinking a few times, you found yourself unsure how to react. Was he really being this goddamn romantic right now? You were not remotely prepared for that tonight.

“Sweetheart?” he asked, tone a little nervous. “I mean I know it’s not anything extravagant–I actually initially had something else planned for you for Valentine’s Day,” he admitted. As if realizing he'd said that aloud, he quickly added, “Though I think I might save that for…something else.”

“Something else?” you asked curiously, eyes narrowing.

“Oh, well,” he said, suddenly fumbling and bashful behind the vase of flowers. “I mean, it’s–it’s uh…maybe a good idea to keep in my back pocket. You know, in case I mess things up again. With you.” He cleared his throat a couple of times before he shot you a strained smile. “Just–just forget I mentioned that. Not important.”

You stared at him in silence for a long moment with one brow raised, wondering what he could have been planning initially. And then you began wondering why he seemed so nervous at the mention of it–Matt Murdock was generally not nervous. When he held out the vase of flowers even further to you, that timid expression still on his face, you figured you’d let it go. You supposed you’d eventually figure it out.

“Thank you, Matt,” you said, accepting the vase from him. “I love peonies.”

He visibly relaxed before you as you turned, heading to the kitchen to place the vase onto the counter. They smelled wonderful and you briefly wondered how they smelled to him.

“I know. I remembered,” he said. 

Turning back around, you took in the sight of him in his dark dress slacks clinging to his thick thighs and his suit coat with a white button up shirt and red tie under it. He looked handsome, as he always did, but certainly dressed nicer than you felt in your dress slacks and blouse. Frowning, you stared down at your outfit.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m uh, not exactly dressed for a date,” you admitted. “I didn’t know you were wanting to go out tonight.”

“Well,” Matt said, shooting you a bright smile, “I intentionally left the choice up to you for tonight. I have reservations somewhere really nice, or I know there was that Vietnamese restaurant that just opened nearby that you had mentioned sounded interesting. So it’s your choice. And you certainly have time to change if you’re wanting to, but honestly, I think you look great.”

You rolled your eyes, grinning at Matt. “Ha ha, Matt,” you said.

He winked back at you and you felt your cheeks heat up. Why did he have to be so smooth?

“Let me just change really quickly and then we can go,” you told him.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he replied, shooting that charming smile your way again.

_______

Chewing the bite of rice noodle and pickled vegetables, you sat across from Matt in the new restaurant you had been dying to try. He was eating his own noodle dish and lightly tapping his foot up against yours under the table. He’d been more flirtatious tonight than usual you’d noticed. On your walk over to the restaurant he had often pulled you towards him by your enjoined hands and kissed you–whether it was your mouth or your forehead didn’t seem to matter. He’d remained holding your hand across the table while you both had waited for your food to arrive, and when you’d inevitably needed to let go of his hand to eat, you had occasionally felt him bumping his foot against yours like he was doing yet again. You didn’t quite understand the increase in affection this evening, but you certainly weren’t complaining. Even if it was somehow making you nervous like this was your first date all over again. 

“You know,” Matt began, “I did pick this day for a reason to make up for Valentine’s.”

Lowering your chopsticks, you eyed Matt suspiciously. “And what was the reason?” you asked him curiously. 

“We met just a little over two years ago,” he told you. 

That fond, sweet expression he’d so often given you just before Marci and Foggy’s wedding day was currently on his face. Your pulse quickened as your head tilted to the side, trying to recall when it was you both had met. 

“Wasn’t that technically towards the end of March?” you pointed out. “This is April, Matt.”

“Yes,” he agreed, nodding. “It is. And it was this day, two years ago, that I actually subtly– sort of –tried to set up a date with you.”

Both of your brows shot high up onto your forehead. “You did not!” you exclaimed. “I’d have remembered if you’d asked me on a date, Matt.”

“I said subtly set up a date, sweetheart,” he corrected, his own food currently forgotten. 

Setting down your chopsticks, you sat further back in your chair and focused fully on Matt. “What the hell does that mean?” you asked. “How was I unaware of this?”

He chuckled, the corners of his eyes creasing as he continued to gaze fondly back at you. “You remember that day I asked for help to go over those papers? For that court case you’d been helping us with? The papers that you couldn’t get printed in braille in time?”

Your eyes narrowed as your attention dropped down to the table while you tried to recall the memory. “You mean the night I came over and you ordered pizza?” you asked, glancing back up at him. 

Matt nodded quickly, resting his elbows onto the table as he leaned forward towards you. “Yes, that night. It was two years ago today,” he answered.

_______

"Hey," Matt greeted you with a smile as he opened his apartment door. "Glad you found your way here alright."

Little did you know he had already been aware of the moment you'd entered the elevator in his building, Matt having picked up on your familiar, unsteady heartbeat a bit ago. You were nervous. He figured you would be because he knew you always were around him. 

"Uh, hey, Matt," you muttered awkwardly, shifting your bag on your shoulder. "I uh, I brought the files with me."

"Oh, I already brought them with me from the office, but thank you," he said. "Why don't you come in?" 

He stepped aside, making room for you to pass by him. As you did, he felt the warmth of your body radiating over his skin as you stepped inside–your body temperature was significantly more elevated than normal. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of that, and he also wasn't entirely sure what to make of the way his eyes momentarily closed when he caught the scent of that peach shampoo you used. 

Hell, you smelled so damn good all the time, whether it was your shampoo or your natural scent or–fuck–the smell of your pheromones . What he wouldn't give to bury his nose into your hair or burrow his face into the crook of your neck where he could enjoy the feel of your trembling pulse as he inhaled the scent of you. 

And oh, he certainly had thought about the scent of your arousal–some nights the memory of it had kept him awake. Whether it was the way you’d smelled at Josie’s or any of the number of times he’d seen you around the office since then, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. His nostrils flared even now as he caught the faintest taste of it in the air. His left hand clenched into a fist as he shot you a tense smile before he led you down the entryway hall and towards his couch. 

Fuck, he wanted you. He wanted to bury his face between your thighs, often wondering what they would feel like clamped around his face. He certainly had tried to imagine the taste of you on his tongue. He'd wondered what you'd sound like lying on your back on his bed moaning his name ever since your friend had made that comment at Josie’s. He'd often tried to envision it, remembering how it sounded when you'd said his name in conversation. He especially liked when you called him Matthew–what would that sound like as a breathy pant from your lips while he kissed your neck?

But no, he couldn't think of that right now. You weren't his even if he hoped for it someday. And if he focused too much on his attraction towards you, he’d certainly have another, more visible, problem on his hands. 

Matt had led you over to his couch and the two of you began going over the files. He’d handed you the little stack from off of his coffee table, his fingers intentionally brushing against yours. Your heart rate spiked and his head tilted to the side, zeroing in on the sound. Was it just attraction causing the spike or was there more to it? He often found himself wondering the answer to that question. What was your body telling him? Why was it so confusing and exhilarating for him to listen to?

He’d asked you repeated questions about the files as the night wore on, enjoying the melodic sound of your voice as you read from the papers and answered his questions. He’d been hoping to delay your stay until he had deemed it long enough to suggest ordering a pizza. And he’d noticed the way heat flared in your cheeks yet again when he had. 

Why were you so nervous around him? Was it actually because of him–did you want him just as much as he wanted you? Or was that just you? You did seem like a very anxious individual even when you were with Foggy, Karen, and Marci. Maybe he was getting his hopes up for your nerves to mean something more.

Were you only physically attracted to him and that was it? Because of course he’d thought about just grabbing you and drawing you in for a kiss, often wondering just how your lips would feel on his and how you would taste on his tongue. And sure, he’d had many moments tonight where he’d wanted to just pick you up from his couch and carry you to his bedroom, curious to know how it would feel to have you clinging to him as he did. He’d wondered how fast your heart would beat when he tossed you onto his bed and buried his cock into you over and over. He imagined you would moan out only the most beautiful of sounds–sounds he didn’t think he could even imagine. 

But Matt didn’t want just one night with you. He didn’t even want a string of nights with you. He just wanted you. And he desperately wanted to be wanted by you in return.

While you’d both been waiting for the pizza to arrive, Matt had occasionally had to ask you more questions repeatedly to keep up the ruse that he’d needed help with these files–which was a setup because he’d had Foggy go over them with him at the office earlier today. And while you’d been waiting for him to type up some notes on his laptop, he’d caught you staring at him. Each time he would turn to shoot you a smile, your eyes darted away quickly as your cheeks further flushed and sweat dampened your palms. 

The scent of your arousal increased at one point when you weren’t even looking at him and it had begun to drive Matt absolutely wild despite the calm exterior he was trying to portray to you. What the hell was turning you on so much? Him? Your proximity to him?

…were you thinking inappropriate thoughts about him right now as you sat beside him?

He felt his cock twitch in his dress pants and he grit his teeth. No. He’d have to focus on something else.

But fuck, how had you not realized he liked you? How had you not picked up on how this was so obviously not him needing help with work? Were you just being polite and ignoring his flirtatious comments because you weren’t interested? Or did you just really not see what this was?

If only he could just make a move on you. If only he could just flat out say something to you, tell you that he liked you. Ask you if you liked him. But with the way your heart was pounding in your chest beside him, he was afraid the question would result in you running away from him, and he was more terrified of that outcome.

He didn’t want to lose you.

Was he just stuck in the friend zone with you? Too terrified to say anything and scare you away, but the subtle flirtations not remotely getting him anywhere?

Fuck.

_______

You shook your head. “That wasn’t a date though,” you told him. “We were going over files for a case because I couldn’t get them printed in braille in time. And Foggy and Karen weren’t available to help you.”

“I asked them to say they were busy,” Matt admitted, a little smirk forming on his mouth. “That day we were at the office. I asked them to say they couldn’t help in the hope that you would offer to come over and help me instead. And you did.”

Your mouth fell open as you gaped at Matt. You remembered that night. Remembered how nervous you were going to his apartment alone, something you hadn’t really done since that night in the year that followed until you’d actually been dating him. You had been so nervous to be alone in his space with him, your hands occasionally bumping against each other’s while you worked on those files with him. You also remembered how distracted you’d been by his lips, the thought of him just leaning over and kissing you with that perfect mouth of his having crossed your mind repeatedly as you both sat on his couch.

“Oh my God,” you breathed out. “You didn’t actually need my help, did you?”

“Nope,” he answered, grinning mischievously at you. “I’d already gone over everything earlier with Fog. But I pretended to be confused so that I could get you to stay long enough to have an excuse to order pizza.” He shrugged a shoulder innocently. “And then that was an excuse to have a beer with you and forget about the files altogether.”

“Matthew Murdock, you sly, scheming man!” you teased. “That didn’t work out so well for you though, did it?”

He laughed lightly, shaking his head yet again. “No, it didn’t,” he agreed. “Because you didn’t remotely seem to catch on.”

“How was I supposed to know you were asking me over on a ‘subtle date’?” you defended. “That’s not even a thing!”

Matt pulled a face across the table from you. “Oh it most certainly is a thing,” he countered. 

“No it’s not!” you disagreed. “Because you either ask someone on a date or you don’t!”

“In my defense,” Matt explained, “I thought it was pretty obvious when we’d been sitting on the couch eating pizza and drinking beers and not even remotely discussing the files anymore. I had been hoping maybe if we just spent some time together, just the two of us, where we were initially focused on something else, then maybe that might help you finally relax a little around me. But you were still quite the nervous and confusing individual. ”

“Well your plan to calm me down certainly backfired,” you told him. “Because I spent the entire time nervous and staring at your mouth wishing you’d kiss me.”

“So that’s what was going on!” he exclaimed, settling back into his chair as he grinned at you. “Your body was somehow more worked up than usual that night and I couldn’t quite figure out why. And I knew I noticed your attraction to me. Because you were quite distracted. Often taking a moment to realize I’d even said something before you answered me.”

Nervously shifting in your seat, you averted your gaze. “Yup,” you admitted awkwardly. “That was just me desperately wishing you’d take me into your bedroom because you’d uh, left your bedroom door open and I remember staring at your bed a few times…”

Matt leaned forward on the table towards you so fast that you jumped in your seat. His expression had darkened a little at your confession, a devilish smirk on his mouth. Your pulse increased just at the sight of him across from you. And then you felt his hand on your knee under the table and your breath hitched.

“And what were you hoping I’d do to you in my bedroom that night, sweetheart?” he asked.

“ Matt ,” you whispered harshly, your head turning to take in the sight of the people at nearby tables eating, “we’re not alone, you know.”

“No one’s paying attention,” he replied. “What were you thinking about that night?”

Ducking your head, you swallowed hard. You took a deep breath, your eyes focused on your bowl of noodles before you as your fingers tapped against your chopsticks.

“I…was wondering what it would be like to kiss you,” you admitted quietly. “What it would feel like to have your hands undress me.” Nervously you gnawed at your bottom lip, your gaze still averted from Matt even though you could feel the weight of him staring back at you. “Mostly though I was…wondering what it would feel like to hear you say you actually liked me. That was uh, what I really wanted.”

When Matt didn’t immediately respond, your eyes flew back up towards him. His expression had shifted from something hungry to something far softer. His lip was ever so faintly curling up at the corner, his brows gradually drawing together.

“That’s what you wanted the most that night?” he asked gently.

“I mean yeah,” you admitted sheepishly, shrugging a shoulder. “Sure, sex would have been great–especially knowing how great it actually is now. But what I wanted was just for you to like me. You’re this incredibly charismatic and charming man–who is ungodly attractive. And I had this absolutely asinine crush on you that had been forming for the few weeks before,” you rambled on. “And you’re so goddamn smart and funny. There was absolutely no way I’d have realized you were trying to subtly turn whatever that night was into a date, Matt. Because I’d never have believed you’d ever be interested in me. But yeah,” you finished lamely, “I just wanted to hear you say you liked me, too.”

Matt sat in his chair across from you entirely silent. There was a look on his face that you couldn’t possibly decipher as he focused on you from across the table. A very slow smile was making its way across his lips, something warm and loving reflecting at you in his eyes.

“Well sweetheart,” he began softly, “I can certainly sit here and tell you that I’ve absolutely fallen in love with you. Does that work?”

Your own lips curled up into a smile as Matt slid a hand across the table towards you. Reaching your hand over, you slipped it into his and felt him wrap his fingers around it. 

“Yeah, Matty,” you answered. “It definitely does. And I love you, too.”

“Good,” he said, squeezing your hand. “And for the record,” he continued, that soft expression switching back to what had previously resided on his face, “I can certainly remind you what it feels like for me to undress you after dinner. Your place or mine, sweetheart,” he purred. “You pick.”

Goosebumps rose along your arms at his words, a shudder running down your spine. God he knew exactly how to work you up in seconds. His hand on your knee gently squeezed as he raised a curious brow.

“What do you say, sweetheart?” he whispered. “You interested?”

Tongue slipping out between your lips, your eyes lingered on that hungry look on his face. It was truly unfair how attractive he was because it made it difficult for you in moments like this to refrain from shoving the table out from between the two of you and jumping him in the middle of the restaurant. Sensing your train of thoughts, Matt’s lips quirked up in an amused smirk.

“I would be very interested,” you answered him.

[racingliners]

As the resident livery watch expert, do you have any livery ideas that you'd love to see?

like personally, I'd kill for aston to incorporate some pink into a special livery or to have a Vodafone mclaren back for a race

Now that I’m in a better headspace I can finally answer this! And I was soooooo happy to get this ask you’ve no idea, I cannot believe that other people enjoy Livery Watch. I just started it because I wanted to yell about car paint, so that fact I’ve now had multiple requests for it, and people have even messaged me saying they were looking forward to my opinion for certain liveries is just… WILD.

ANYWAY! I could really make this answer so long that I’ll end up hitting character limit. Since I started doing Livery Watch, I’ve always done a post before all the car launches listing both what I think the core liveries for each team will look like, and a wishlist of what I want to see. (I hilariously got my prediction for Racing Bulls bringing back the Toro Rosso drinks can livery spot on, and yes I’m still riding that high).

My wishlist of liveries I want to see is… so long. Mainly, and I know I talk about it all the time, I NEED everyone to put the matte paint down. F1 cars are supposed to be SHINY, and this is very much the hill I will die on.

In terms of special/one-off liveries I would love to see:

Aston Martin

Yes I would love it so much if they brought back the pink stripe accents (beloved watermelon AMR21 I miss you!!!). I am however of the very biased opinion that Aston’s livery is absolute perfection and cannot be improved on so honestly, I don’t have any immediate yearnings for a special AM livery.

Alpine

I NEED them so bring back the full pink livery because it was hands down the sexiest car on the grid. The epitome of 10/10 no notes. (and I mean PROPERLY all over pink. Not the stickers on exposed carbon nonsense we have this year).

Mercedes

Hear me out… but I do think they were actually onto something with their vintage inspired livery they used at the German GP in 2019 (I know it was cursed… I KNOW). I think an all-over white livery would be fun as a one off for an anniversary race, or equally a rendition of the livery they ran in the 50s would be just as fun! (Also… all-black bc it was sexy af)

Williams

In an ideal world, I’d have the Martini livery back. This may also be a hot take, but I did enjoy the cyan to white ombre livery they ran during their Rokit sponsorship days. Bar a couple of exceptions the current grid of cars is quite dark and I think a brighter pop of colour would be very appreciated.

Ferrari

THE 1000TH GP BURGUNDY LIVERY!!! I think about it all the time and I miss it SO MUCH!!! Hands down the prettiest Ferrari that I ever did see. Nothing else comes remotely close. (Though, do it with cream accents instead of neon yellow please!!!!)

McLaren – Honestly they have been running some amazing one-off liveries this year! To the point I can't actually think of anythign I'd like to see. The Senna livery from Monaco and the Chrome livery from Austin were both sooo gorgeous – and to echo your above point I do think the chrome livery is the closest we’re going to get to a return of the Vodafone livery, but this year’s rendition was executed perfectly.

Racing Bulls (no I'm still not calling them VCARB)

Everyone and their grandmother knows that Team Faenza is the Red Bull Junior Team and no amount of rebrands is going to change that. So bring back any of the old Toro Rosso liveries please and thank you. Look at the detail work on that Red Bull on the engine cover!!!!!!

I can’t think of anything for the other teams at present sadly. Haas haven’t been around for long enough for anything to spring to mind (I do enjoy their current livery iteration though!) and Sauber have rebranded so much it’s hard to keep track (the Alfa Romeo livery was just so perfect imho)… and for Red Bull just ditching the matte navy for metallic dark blue on their core livery would be enough for me.

[marshmallowprotection]

What about Suit with an MC that gets bad headaches? (Lol Maybe he’d toss them some pain killers and make up an excuse that broken toys aren’t fun to play with)

Suit Saeran may be able to empathize but that doesn't mean he's the type to do anything about it.

After all, he isn't allowed to show any emotions but animosity and disgust. He's not allowed to sit around and show emotions that are even remotely close to sympathy and kindness. That is by design and by force. What do you think would happen if he realized that you were in enough pain to keep you away from your work?

Well, it wouldn't make him happy, because you have a job to do and so does he. If you don't continue to do what you need to do, you're going to be destroyed, and then he's going to be destroyed, and then if there's any chance Ray still exists, he's going to be destroyed too. That is quite literally what he's trying to avoid. He wants to avoid the inevitable fate that awaits you when you don't do what is expected of you. 

However, it is way too easy to assume that he is the kind of person who would laugh in your face the minute he realized you were in pain, but that's not the kind of person he is. It's not like he wants to destroy you, he says he wants to, but that's not the truth. That will never be the truth because the only thing he wants is to know what it feels like to be loved as Saeran and not Ray.

But, Saeran isn’t allowed to be gentle.

He’s only allowed to be the strongest. 

It's a complicated situation and there's no way to work around it. If he finds you in a state of disarray and he didn't cause that to happen, it's going to bother him. That first, he would assume that it was his fault that he found you crumpled over in a heap of yourself, in pain. But, if he realized that that pain wasn't from anything he caused, it would be enough to slap him in the face with reality.

He won't be able to understand why he cares, but he will know more than anything else, he doesn't want you to be in pain. When he does something about it, it's not going to be something that is done in a gentle or compassionate way. It's going to be done roughly and there's nothing you're going to be able to do about that. A broken toy is not a good toy, you're right. 

There's nothing he can do to understand that empty feeling inside his chest if you're broken and empty inside. If you're in pain and he doesn't know how to comprehend it, the only thing he would be able to do at that moment is to try to make you feel better so that he can better focus on trying to understand the flurry of anguish inside his heart.

That means that he is going to tuck you so tightly into your bed that you're not going to be able to move, even more tightly than what Ray would do, and make you take something decent for the pain because God knows he and Ray have stuff for theirs. Take it, he'd say, shoving a glass of water in your face to swallow the pill. Don't complain. He's trying to do you a favor, you miserable toy.

It's only when you fall asleep when he won't let you do something else that he would brush your hair from your face, and silently cry.

[thanks--for--listening]

it was easier to feel nothing (than it was to make sense of it all)

throwback to august when i promised my cousins I would write them heartstopper fluff. I am months late and have come up with something a little too depressing to be properly called fluff but idk what I expected when I made tori spring the main character.

set during season 2 right after tori finds out they're gonna tell people, and its kind of like a prequel to solitaire but you don't have to have read solitaire to understand the fic. you just have to love tori spring. and don't we all?

(also on ao3).

~

Tori Spring had every intention of spending the entire night in her bedroom. Alone. While her brother socialized like a well-adjusted teenager, she’d have her headphones on, the door closed, with the only light coming from the moon outside her window and the computer screen in front of her. It was how she spent most nights. It was how she spent most days, as well.

How she found herself sitting on the top of the stairs, then, remained a mystery. 

She couldn’t quite make out their conversations from her perch, but she could hear the ease with which his friends spoke. The laughter was loud and infectious, made up of more voices than she could distinguish. Their joy was collaborative.

In spite of her general opposition to clamor and commotion, it wasn’t the noise that kept her up. Drowning out the world was her specialty. It was perhaps the one thing she did better than anybody else. 

No. What was keeping her up were all of these fucking feelings. 

Her brother was happy. That should have been the only feeling. Charlie was downstairs, with his friends, and his boyfriend, and he was happy, and he was okay, and that should have been enough. That should have been everything. 

But she remembered the quiet nights. The ones when no one came over. When she used to lean against their shared wall and search desperately for any break of silence, any proof that he hadn’t simply faded away. Tori hardly slept back then; she couldn’t risk missing something important. She couldn’t miss him needing her.

The loud ones weren’t much better. Drumsticks hitting practice pads over and over and over again, barely hanging onto anything that could remotely resemble a rhythm. The sound haunted her. There were nights where she swore she could still hear it, the constant thud on repeat, and relief wouldn’t come until she’d carefully pushed open his door and confirmed that no music was being made in the early hours of the morning. 

Even now, when the increased volume was proof of improvement rather than regression, she couldn’t help but hold her breath. Couldn’t fight the urge to double check. 

Maybe that was why she’d come out here. Maybe she had to make sure the tide wouldn’t turn again. 

Except that was ridiculous. Charlie had friends. Friends who knew him. Friends who had watched darkness envelop him, who witnessed the battles he fought every day, the ones he tried to hide behind a smile and quiet demeanor. They had seen it all, and every time, they held him closer rather than run away. They were not afraid of the dark.

Tori wondered what that felt like. What it cost. 

He also had Nick Nelson. Nick Nelson, who he was madly in love with. Nick Nelson, who was one of the most popular boys at his school. Nick Nelson, who was going to start telling people. 

She didn’t hate Nick. Truly. It was actually absurd how happy he was making Charlie in the short amount of time they’d spent together. But he wasn’t there last year. He didn’t understand the scope of how utterly horrendous school was for him when everybody found out. 

Tori had a feeling she only knew a portion of it. The thought of it having been worse than it appeared, of him keeping the depth of his torment from her, made her stomach twist and her skin crawl. Every second she spent speculating brought the walls tighter and tighter, until there was no air left to breathe, until the only images she saw when she closed her eyes were every possible way he could be hurting. 

She had nightmares. Vivid, vicious dreams of him bleeding out from wounds she couldn’t see. He would look up at her, begging for salvation, and she was never fast enough to fix it. Never strong enough to help. 

Tori woke in cold sweats every time. It was like her body couldn’t understand that what she’d seen was not her reality. She’d spend days after the fact just watching him, searching for red flags, for reasons to sound the alarm. It required all of her attention, all of her energy. The simple act of existing became entirely unimportant when he may have been suffering. 

So yes, she was happy her brother was happy. She was thrilled. But she was also terrified. And perhaps a bit irritated that, of all the boys he could have possibly fallen for, Charlie chose the one who would inadvertently put him directly into the social spotlight once again. 

And then there was the envy. 

Not toward Nick and Charlie. She didn’t care much either way for relationships. But sitting up here, it reminded her how easy it was for other people to be happy. How effortless it all seemed. 

Her own friends hadn’t been over in ages. She couldn’t remember when she’d stopped inviting them. Now that she had, starting up again was too daunting of a prospect. She wouldn’t know what to do with them. How to keep them entertained. How to explain why her bedroom walls were bare, or why she spent all of her free time being miserable on the internet, or why she couldn’t finish a movie in one sitting even though all she ever did was sit in her bedroom and watch movies. 

Listening was simpler. At lunch, she could let them talk around her instead of to her, and take her adjacency to conversation as a win. Nobody expected anything from her that way. The logic was a little dramatic, perhaps, but it was sound: if she never tried, she never failed. 

Even now, with his lot instead of hers, this was still the best she could do. She could sit up here, out of sight but not quite out of earshot, and pretend that observing joy was the same as feeling it. That it was enough.

The guilt hit her again. She was so selfish. Charlie finally had things going his way, and she managed to make it all about her. It was probably best if she just stayed upstairs all night. She didn’t deserve to bear witness to his successful social life, let alone reap the benefits of it.

Tori raised the volume on her computer, until the movie she had playing was loud enough to hurt. Only then could it drown out the thoughts running rampant in her mind. Only then could she properly exhale. 

It was easier to feel nothing than it was to make sense of it all. 

“Tori!”

Charlie came barreling up the stairs, as if thinking about him had been a kind of summoning. She wasn’t sure how many times he’d called her name, only that she hadn’t heard him until he was nearly on top of her. 

Tori pulled her headphones out. “Yes?”

“What are you doing out here?”

“Keeping track of which one of your friends is the loudest,” she lied. “Darcy is winning.”

His face fell slightly. “Are we being too noisy? I can tell everyone to quiet down if you’re trying to watch something.”

“I’m not very invested in it. Feel free to yell to your heart's content.”

“In that case,” he said, mischievous smile replacing his look of concern. “You’ll be happy to know we’re getting ready to play Taboo.”

She gave him her own wicked grin back. Game nights weren’t the most frequent occurrence in the Spring household anymore, but back in their heyday, she and Charlie had been unstoppable at Taboo. Her parents had considered banning the game altogether, or forcing them to play on different teams, but they never followed through on their threats. 

Tori suspected that was on her account. They hadn’t given up the fight to keep her out of her bedroom back then. They’d been willing to suffer defeat after defeat if it kept her at the kitchen table. Lose battles to win wars, and whatnot.

Although, she supposed they’d still lost that war in the end. Not that they seemed to care.

“I’m sure you and Nick will do your best. He’s got that competitive rugby spirit.”

“I’m not playing with Nick.”

“Oh. Tao, then?”

Charlie shook his head. “Tao’s a horrible partner. He can’t get his thoughts out fast enough, and when he does, they’re all obscure references to things only he knows.”

“Then who—“

“I want to play with you.”

He said it with a different kind of smile. Gentle and eager. It made him look young, much younger than her. 

She forgot, sometimes, that they were peers. That her baby brother was just a grade below her. He’d told her once, ages ago, when they were still in primary school, how much he loved his birthday. It wasn’t because of the presents, or the party — it was because it meant he had caught up. He liked when they were only a year apart. Said she was too far away during the few weeks in April between her celebration and his, when she was technically an extra year older than him.

Tori had hated her own birthday ever since. 

The rest of the world didn’t seem to notice the gap. People used to think they were twins when they were little. There seemed to be nothing they loved more than to see if their assumptions were correct. The two of them got stopped all the time: in grocery stores, at the park, at school events. Sometimes in their own neighborhood.

They didn’t even look all that similar. He’d always been tanner than her, his hair wavier even before it properly curled, and she’d been taller back then by at least an inch or two. But something about them flagged random adults to stop, and stare, and sometimes coo, and constantly, incessantly ask. 

Charlie had never been a very good liar. It wasn’t in his nature. But he always said yes.

Fooling a stranger used to be her favorite feeling in the world. She’d spend the rest of the day walking around with the kind of pep that was ridiculously uncharacteristic. Not because they were getting away with a lie, but because, for a few blissful seconds, it was true. Or, at least, it felt true. She could embrace the act of pretending they were the same. Imagining the world where they were actually twins, going through every part of their lives side by side, hand in hand. Where they were never alone. Most of her daydreams used to be dedicated to that reality.

Sometime during the last few years, she’d stopped. They say twins understand each other on a level that’s hard to describe. That when one of them hurt, the other could feel it. She was pretty sure that wasn’t true. But, just in case, she decided it was good that they had a buffer year between them. That way, she could protect him from her insufferable morbidity. She could keep him out of her head. Even if it meant she had to be kept out of his.

“What about the others?” She finally asked.

“Everyone’s partnering up. We’re going to change every round to see which pairings are the best. But I already know it’s going to be us.”

“No, I mean — wouldn’t you rather play with one of them? They’re your friends.”

“So are you.”

His voice was steady, brimming with a quiet kind of confidence. It was one she’d only recently started to notice. His hands weren’t fidgeting, and his eyes were making direct contact with hers, and he wasn’t shifting his weight back and forth. 

It dawned on her that she was wrong. She blinked and the youth she’d seen earlier vanished, replaced with a bravery and certainty that felt much beyond both of their years. It wasn’t his birthday, but nonetheless, here he was, catching up. Growing up. 

She knew it wasn’t just a consequence of having a proper boyfriend. It wasn’t even due to his friends downstairs, although both played a part. No, something inside Charlie had shifted. Gone was the paralyzing doubt and self-hatred. For the first time, her brother was walking headfirst into a life he wanted. There was no more waiting for permission or hiding in shadows; he was moving forward without an ounce of hesitation.

And she was standing completely still.

“Alright. I’ll play.” 

Charlie beamed and held his hands out. She let him pull her up and drag her down the stairs. 

When they walked into the family room, his friends all excitedly said her name. Like they were genuinely happy to see her. Tori didn’t fully believe them— her attendance anywhere was no cause for celebration— but they didn’t sound fake, either. It made it very difficult to draw a logical conclusion about them and their intentions.  

Everyone was already sitting in pairs. She’d expected a certain kind of coupling, but instead it was all jumbled up. Tara was with Isaac, Darcy was with Elle, and Nick was with the newer girl, Imogen. Tao, hovering near the end, kept giving Elle and Darcy weird looks. Or maybe it was just Elle. She wasn’t entirely sure, nor did she really care. 

It took her a second to realize that he was the only one without a partner. Tori wondered why Charlie would bring her down here, would purposefully mess up their nice even number, just so they could play together. It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t that competitive. 

She scanned the crowd again, looking for something specific this time. But nobody gave her that pitiful look. The isn’t it sad she doesn’t have any friends? look. The being alone couldn’t possibly be a choice look. The something must be very wrong with her look. Nobody focused on her long enough to, except Charlie, and he was the only person who had never seen her the way the rest of the world did. 

“Elle and I will go first!” Darcy said much louder than necessary. Tori sat and watched the two of them try and make their way through the deck of words that required guessing, with Tara looking over Darcy’s shoulder to make sure she didn’t use any of the forbidden hints. 

They got three. It was a pitiful showing. The group applauded anyway.

Tara and Isaac went next. They got a respectable six. Tori quietly clapped with the rest of the group.

Nick and Imogen got four, sneaking the last one in as the final grains of sand spilled down their plastic hourglass timer. They celebrated as if it was a game-winning buzzer beater, which would have been more appropriate had they actually gotten a higher score than Tara and Isaac. 

And then it was their turn. 

They sat on opposite sides of the coffee table. Tori held the cards, Charlie awaiting her clues. He had always been the better guesser. He knew what she meant, even when she was speaking nonsense. 

Tori looked at him before they started, just to see if there was one thing he hadn’t outgrown yet. She was both pleased and slightly distressed to find that there was. He still stared at her with stars in his eyes; she still did her best to earn them.

Imogen flipped the timer over, and Tori grabbed her first card. 

They didn’t miss a beat. It had been at least two years since they’d played, but they picked up right where they left off. She spoke quickly, and he read her mind, and soon she had amassed a pile of cards to her right.

By the time Nick told them time was up, the pile was up to nine. Not their record, but a solid start considering they were incredibly out of practice. 

His friends acted as if they’d literally won an Olympic medal. Darcy was screaming, and Nick was playfully shaking Charlie’s shoulders. Tao was loudly claiming that whoever teamed up with him had better bring their A game, but Tori knew it would be a wasted effort. 

She fought the urge to smile. It was much more difficult than usual.

They went another three rounds, with everyone except her and Charlie switching partners. Tao was, as Charlie had predicted, the worst of the bunch. Isaac and Elle had been a surprisingly successful group, but they’d only managed to get eight. Tara and Darcy kept laughing instead of guessing, but neither seemed to mind walking away with a measly one. 

She and Charlie ended the night with a high score of twelve. He reacted with unusual, exaggerated excitement, likely embracing the chaos of his friends. The others gave her the same treatment — Darcy playfully slapped her on the back, and Elle gushed about how good she was, and it was all so strange that Tori had to constantly fight the urge to run back up to her bedroom where she knew how things worked. 

Eventually, once it became incredibly obvious that no pairing was going to beat the two of them, they switched gears into debating what film to watch. 

Tori took that as her cue. As quickly as she could, she snuck out of the family room and made her way to the kitchen. It was quieter in there. She could hear herself think. 

She wasn’t entirely sure that was a good thing. 

Currently, her thoughts were telling her not to get used to this. That it was easy, when Charlie was holding her hand, carefully walking her through the whole night, to pretend that she was normal. That she was unbroken. But she knew that was all it was: pretend. 

These were good people. Good friends. But they weren’t hers. 

Not that she wished otherwise. His friends were too intense. She wasn’t cut out for this much energy, this constant back and forth conversation. Outside of a few impressive rounds of Taboo, she offered nothing to this group. 

She couldn’t stop from thinking about her own lot, though. Becky and all the other girls she sat with at school. If she offered Charlie’s friends nothing, she knew for certain that she gave her own even less. 

Tori had thought avoiding failure was the ultimate goal. That it would be enough to technically be part of them, even if Becky was the only one she’d ever truly considered a friend. She’d never be loud and rambunctious, never be the one to throw the parties or sleepovers, never be the center of attention. She’d understood that. Hell, she’d embraced that. 

But if tonight had shown her one thing, it was how much she was missing. Her friends weren’t like Charlie’s. They were drastically different, in both the big ways and the small ones. They didn’t watch out for each other. They didn’t laugh like them. They didn’t give each other anything, besides basic conversation and a way to avoid being alone in public.  

Over the course of an hour, every one of Charlie’s friends had their needs met. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t some random coincidence. It was thoughtfulness. A consequence of all of them knowing each other so intensely. So intimately. Tori doubted they were even aware they were doing it.

Darcy got to be loud. Tara got to let go. Elle got to impress, Tao got to entertain, Isaac got to tune in and out as he so pleased. Even Imogen got to be embraced by a crowd. And Nick and Charlie got to be themselves, unabashedly and unequivocally. 

What did she get? What did she give?

They would leave. Her friends would wake up one day and realize how little she mattered to their social ecosystem, and they’d go searching for someone else to take her place. It wouldn’t be difficult, either, because she was nothing more than a glorified shadow: dark and silent and always half a step behind. 

Being left should have scared her. And it did, in a way, but it was like the feeling was muted. She knew what was coming, and some part of her wanted to avoid it, but she couldn’t get herself to care enough to try. She couldn’t act.

If this was a movie, she knew what it would look like. She’d be sitting alone on a runaway train. The audience could see it was going to crash. She could see it was going to crash. The collision was miles away, a blocked tunnel made entirely of brick, but it was inevitable. Her situation looked dire at first glance, except they weren’t moving very fast. In truth, they were hardly moving at all. The doors were wide open, the ground a safe distance below. All she’d have to do to save herself was jump. Nothing and no one was stopping her. But she just sat and stared straight ahead. Perfectly content to be crushed. 

She didn’t know how long she’d been on board this metaphorical train. Maybe forever. Maybe her whole life had been spent sitting still in this pathetic seat, and everyone who’d ever come and gone had simply been taking a ride to their own destination. Maybe they couldn’t see the end. But she could. 

Charlie wouldn’t understand. Neither would his friends. They all felt everything. Each high and low and shade in between, each victory and loss. It was how they’d managed to hold onto all that energy. They were constantly moving, fueled by endless emotion. 

Tori felt absolutely nothing. 

Her friends would probably leave after graduation. Cut their losses and start new. The thought should have upset her. But she’d already accepted it. She’d sit alone. The train would crash. The credits would roll. 

God, she was insufferable. It was a wonder anyone tolerated her at all. 

Reaching for the fridge, Tori grabbed the Diet Lemonade. Maybe if she drank enough of it, she could drown the voice in her head before she went back upstairs. That usually worked. She might even sleep tonight.

When she shut the door and turned around, Isaac was there, sitting at the kitchen table, book in hand. 

“Jesus Christ,” she gasped. 

He looked up. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “Only fair that I learn what that feels like, I suppose.”

“Huh?”

“What are you doing in here?” She asked. “I thought you guys were watching a movie.”

“We are. Or, we will be. It’ll take them at least twenty minutes to decide. I figured I could steal a bit of quiet while they did.”

“You don’t want to help choose?”

He held his book up. She recognized it, but— as was the case with most titles — hadn’t read it. “I probably won’t watch much of it, to be honest.”

Tori, in a feat of considerable strength, held her opinion on books and their secondary nature to films to herself. 

“Will you watch with us?” Again, the way he spoke surprised her. There was no hesitation. No undertone that the answer should absolutely be no. It was just curiosity. Sincere, legitimate curiosity.

“Probably not. Your friends are very loud.”

Isaac chuckled. “Yeah. I don’t blame you for needing a break.”

“How do you manage it?” She wasn’t sure where the question came from, but she regretted asking almost immediately. Hearing it back, she knew it sounded rude, even when she didn't mean it to. 

That happened to her a lot. Maybe she was just a rude person, and had tricked herself into thinking she wasn’t. 

“It’s all about moderation,” he said with a smile. Isaac stood up, walked closer to the doorway. Tori followed, until they could just barely see into the family room. 

Tao was in an impassioned debate with Tara and Darcy. The former wanted to watch an indie film; the latter, Mamma Mia. Imogen sat next to Elle, the two half-heartedly watching the battle play out in front of them. 

Charlie and Nick sat on the couch. Nick leaned in closer, whispered something in his ear, and her brother laughed. His hands were entangled with Nick’s. His shoulders were relaxed. He was truly and genuinely happy. 

Tori couldn’t remember the last time she felt like that. She couldn’t remember ever feeling like that. And she suspected it had nothing to do with her relationship status. 

“Quiet is nice,” Isaac said next to her. “It’s necessary. But it’s also easy to get lost in.”

“What do you mean?” It was a pointless question — she knew exactly what he meant. But she asked anyway. 

“Just that, when you’re stuck in your own world for so long, it becomes hard to remember what you gain from everyone else’s. And there’s a lot to gain. That is, if you can manage to put up with all the noise every once and a while.”

He nodded toward the family room. The debate had greatly intensified, arms flailing in support of arguments they were only half making. They kept getting interrupted by their own laughter. She wondered whether any of them still cared about the films in question. 

“Isaac will agree with me,” Tao said, before loudly yelling out his name. 

“No!” Tara managed to squeak out. “Isaac is literally my best friend in the whole world, he’ll agree with me!”

“Tara!” Darcy yelled. “If Isaac is your best friend, what the fuck am I?”

“…Arm candy?”

The laughter broke out again in full force. She could feel the itch, the desire to join them, in spite of the headache it would give her. Just to prove that she could, if she wanted to. She could have this life. She could make these choices. She could pretend. 

The truth barged in, smothered her doubt before it could grow into something properly delusional. She was not Isaac. They may have both made friends with the quiet, but he’d managed to build a door in it, allowing a funnel of noise to slowly creep in at a pace he could handle. In return, he sent back some of the silence, something this group was sorely missing. They balanced each other out. 

Friendship, she was beginning to understand, was a transaction. Nobody gave all this joy for free. And she, with all her misery and melancholy, her self-destruction and self-isolation, could never afford to give enough. Not if she wanted anyone to stick around. 

Except Charlie. Though he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. And if he did, she was certain he would never have picked her. Taboo skills be damned.

Her silence was useless. It was suffocating, not peaceful. It didn’t offer balance — it overwhelmed. There was nothing for anyone around her to gain. 

Maybe that was the reason she stayed on the train. Better to crash in ignorance than to know for certain that nobody would care if she made it out or not. 

“It’s not that simple,” she finally said, so softly she wasn’t sure he’d hear her. 

“I know.”

“And it’s safer. Keeping quiet.”

“It is.” There was something in his voice. Tori wondered if maybe one of Charlie’s friends would understand after all. “It gets a bit boring, though, doesn’t it?”

Tori couldn’t pull her eyes off the crowd. The thought of spending the night down here with them was exhausting. But the thought of going back to her dark room with her mediocre movie that she wouldn’t even finish didn’t make her feel any better. 

“You’re very wise,” she told him.

“I read a lot of books.” 

Elle finally offered up a third option— a rerun of some Bake Off episode they’d all already seen — and the others appeared to find her suggestion reasonable. Someone called Isaac’s name again, and he exhaled deeply. 

He took a step forward, before pausing and turning back. “Should I tell them you’ll be joining us?”

Tori wasn’t confident that anybody would notice her absence. Not even Charlie. 

“Tell them I was tired.”

She half expected him to look disappointed in her, which would be ridiculous because she hardly knew him. But all he did was nod. 

She lingered in the hallway for another few minutes, before quietly making her way upstairs. Standing in front of her bedroom, she paused. It was so dark in there. The clouds must have shifted over the past hour or so, because there wasn’t any light coming through the window. 

Her laptop lay abandoned on the floor beside her. It beckoned her, persuading her to return to her former state. Usually, with its endless library of movies and blogs, her computer felt familiar. Reliable. A singular comfort in a world that offered her nothing of the sort.

Tonight, it felt much more insidious. Like it knew she was an addict. Like it could see her resolve slipping. She could feel it lurking in the metaphorical and literal shadows, waiting for her inevitable relapse so it could swoop in and supply what it always did: mind-numbing distraction.

It was a very melodramatic way to perceive a piece of technology. That was what she told herself as she opened it back up again. 

But instead of completing her retreat, she sat back down where she’d started, at the top of the stairs. She clicked play on her movie, but she lowered the volume and took one headphone out. 

The sound from downstairs carried, like it had before. In one ear, she heard dialogue from her computer; in the other, she heard her brother and his friends adding commentary to their show. It made it impossible to follow either, and she knew she probably wouldn’t last more than fifteen minutes before she gave up and officially escaped back to her bedroom. 

But for now, she did what she always did: listen. 

It was almost enough.  

[ask-uts-earthspark-au]

i was wondering what the terrans would think if they learned abt most of the (former) decepticon high command and op being close before the war and how they'd feel about op technically being one of the main founders of the decepticons (assuming this goes with ur au. lol.)

I am all too happy to clarify how it goes for my AU! So here we go!

Technically, he didn’t found the Decepticons, in fact, both factions were established way before all of the current’s second creators/grandparents were even remotely imagined. And the war by technicality was long over way before Alchemist died. It was just the fucking functionalists that honestly couldn’t let it die like the little pissbaby losers they were.

However, Op was definitely to some extent close with the command before he became Prime, or at least Megatron and Soundwave - both of whom he - kind of - lived with.*

And on a further note, he was almost an inside man with how avidly he was trying to tear down the council and rework the Autobots from the inside out/top down. He just didn’t share very much of what he was doing to much of anyone.

* Honest to god, it was just Megs insistently bringing this wet cat of a man home almost every day, because he simply could not help himself. Orion just got used to having Soundwave visit like every other day.

This is why Megatron is genuinely so patient - he had to deal with these two fucking dumbasses on the regular, then there was spicy kitten Roller, and on top later came along the six cassettes. Then he became leader of the Decepticons and had five more dumbasses to live with day in-day out from his command alone, not to mention everyone else.

Megatron and Orion had always been close and the whole ‘Decepticon Leader’/becoming ‘Prime’ thing didn’t even cause the most minor of dents to strain their relationship. Arguably, Megs was more concerned about how firmly Orion was trying to ignore the Matrix having chose him, and how nonchalantly disinterested he was when it was spoken of/brought up.

Soundwave and Orion had an almost brotherly relationship. Megs and Ariel at first was shaky (Megs was just being a little overprotective of his precious baby brother, and he’s quite a big intimidating mech.), but they quickly made amends to become friends, having realized their similarities between the lines of being cordial and learning to live with each other for the sake of all future Christmas dinners they knew they’d have to spend together as in-laws (upon noticing she was, in fact, harmless, and he had nothing to worry about. Orion would be okay.).

The others of the command weren’t quite as close but they certainly considered Optimus a fairly decent Prime, and something of a friend, for a variety of reasons, if pessimistic and quiet sometimes, other times homicidal but the best ally they’d ever met. Elita was generally pretty nice company, and they hardly had to change much when around her, and her avid interaction in fandom space made her really fun.

To date, not much has changed over the years.

So Op and Elita were/are fairly close with the Decepticon command, in conclusion.

And the Terrans reactions to such an explanation:

Nightshade: Well that would make sense as to how it would be a lot easier to make some truce and end the war.

Twitch: woah… they’re siblings? Like us??

Jawbreaker: But… how would that work when they’re leaders of the opposite sides? And what about Elita-One?

Thrash: My main focus at the moment is what the hell kind of sibling drama caused a million year war??

Hashtag: actually, it says they didn’t start the war. Someone else did. They’re just the most recent of the leaders of the factions, so the war’s start isn’t on them…

Nightshade: I actually think it’s kind of cool how Optimus remained their friend despite different sigils. Clearly he knew that the council or whoever it was was in the wrong, so he fought to change things and keep them that way.

Thrash: oh dear god, here we go again…

Jawbreaker: Nightshade has a point, Thrash.

Nightshade: thank you. :)

Hashtag: Two notes:

Hashtag: 1.) Nightshade may be a little philosophical, and overly analytical at times, but they do have a point. We probably wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for all of that.

Hashtag: 2.) Twitch has gone to interrogate Megatron, so if we wanna catch whatever he might spill to her, we oughta head up.

Thrash: oh damn- she’s fast. And really interested in this whole thing.

Jawbreaker: Mhm. She is really fast, and super interested. Nightshade’s going too, let’s catch up. :)

Sorry if this was… half indecipherable, or didn’t make the most sense? It’s kind of complex to convey the exact relationships and everything there. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it!

[popculturebuffet]

Superhero Wedding Valentine's Day Special II: Hulkling and Wiccan (Empyre #5 and Empyre Aftermath: Avengers) (Poll Winner)

Happy valentine's day all you happy people! And it's time for my now annual valentine's day superhero wedding spectacular! For those not here for last year's event: despite not having been married (and being currently single), I love wedding episodes, so last year I had you fine folks pick a superhero wedding for me to review. Last year it was an overwhleming tie between Spider-man having to stop Doc Ock and Aunt may's wedding, cumilating in a nuclear explosion on a canadian island and Kitty Pryde and Colossus diasterous failed wedding.. leading to Gambit successfully stealing it for Rogue. And since that event was a successs, one of my only polls I both coudl complete due to scheduling conflicts and that got plenty of votes, I decided to do it AGAIN this year. And while we got a clear result (gestures above) this race was even tigther. While last year was a very clear tie between the two winners with nothing else coming evne remotely close this year…

Yup this year's winner was only by one vote with every patreon putting in a good fight.. and my person choice of yellowjacket and the wasp.. doing horrible because in hindsight maybe I shoudl've thought past the fact Hank and Jan are two of my faviorite characters.. into the fact their marraige ends in utter tragedy and abuse, with Janet moving on from it and Hank never forgiving himself and trying to atone for it quite a bit. Especially against three popular couples. LIve and Learn.

I'm delighted with the winner though: Wiccan and Hulkling! It's our first gay wedding on this feature.. I mean it's our third overall but superhero gay weddings are suprisingly rare, and while there have been plenty this is easily the highest profile one. So join me undre the cut for a long explination of these two's love story, the nuptials themselves and one hell of a reception:

So for those not familiar with the happy couple, let's tell their tale: Billy Kaplan and Teddy Altman had what they thought were entirely normal lives. Billy was raised by two loving jewish parents and became obessed with the avengers and Teddy had a loving single mom working in real estate. Then both discovered they had super powers: Billy could make thigns happen if he said it hard enough I.e. "PLEASEDON'TBLOWUPPLEASEDON'TBLOWUP" and while he struggled at first with that and being gay, a chance meeting with the Scarlet Witch helped convince him being diffrent wasn't so bad and to embrace what he was while Teddy found out he was green and could shapeshift, taking on human skin to fit in till some jackass he had a crush on abused that power and he decided "yeah fuck that. "

Both were recruited by Iron Lad in the wake of Avengers Disassembled. To make a long, poorly told story short: Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch, once upon a time made two children with the vision… literally it turned out as her boys were both magic and were stolen by a d-list villian and made into baby hands

She had an entirley understandable mental breakdown from that and her husband turning emotoinless.. as well as the fact none of her friends thought "Let's get her therapy ya know?". She apparently recovered but brian micheal bendis didn't do his research, so she later had another break down when an old woman refused to let her just reconstruct her children. Like.. she wasn't breaking into another universe and stealing someone else's kids, Agatha. Comeon. And yeah comics agatha is an old woman it's a long story.

Thanks to Agatha Harkness assholery, Wanda had a mental breakdown again this time far mroe grandly because Brian MIchael Bendis didn't think that maybe this was a touch insesntive. And this was back when most of his writing was GOOD. This was the EXCEPTION.

Said exception lead to the deaths of my boys Vision, Scott Lang and Hawkeye. As you can probably guess all got better, but it still left a lasting impact. And anyone whose seen wandavision or int he multiverse of madness can probably guess why i'm telling this story, yet are a tad puzzled.

With the avengers gone a visitor for the future , Iron Lad, showed up with the avengers protocol, recurting people Vision had in mind in case the avengers fell.. which was a bunch of teens instead of old hands, but I find that clever: it's likely this is intended if shit REALLY goes south and most avengers past and present are gone. Iron Lad simply used it because what was left of the avengers woudn't listen to him.

As a result he gathered Billy and Teddy

Along with Patriot, the son of lost captain america Issaiah Bradley, a super soldier given tuskgee style experiments and lockeda way for decades. Turns out Iron Lad wasn't ENTIRELY up front as he was actually a young Kang the Conquerer, upcoming villian of ant man and the wasp and total prick. Iron Lad is one of Kang's many variants and this one is entirely his fault as he went to his young self to inspire him, to show him what he'd be and assumed naturally his younger not yet jaded, bored and longing for conquest self would be entirley happy to find out

He very obviously wasn't and gathered the team to fight him, also picking up Cassie Lang, daughter of Scott Lang whose mom and step dad were total pricks at the time and badly wanted to follow in her dad's footsteps and due to being around him and getting saturated in pym particles could turn giant. Together they fought kang, and Iron Lad had to leave after stabbing him but left his armor behind which became the new vision.

While the avengers tried to stop these daring new heroes because they were being kinda dicks at the time, they only grew, gathering new member Kate Bishop Hawkeye, who after being rescued by these lads at a wedding used her vast fortune to buy them a base, new outfits and new equipment.

It was soon after this Teddy and Billy found out shit was way more complicated than they thought: Billy found out he was the reincarnation of one of the Scarlet Witch's twins, something that was naturally rattling as it was exciting and found his brother, Tommy, who had a much rougher life but came to embrace his new family and joined the team as Speed.

Teddy.. had it even worse with his revelation as the super skrull came a knocking, burnt his mom, and Teddy found out the truth: his mom was his adopted mom, which once again gets complicated because the writer of the first run of young avengers, Alan Heinberg, did really well tying these two into continuity, but it also means there's a lot to unpack when your just saying it instead of putting it in a story. During the Kree-Skrull War, long story, Captain Mar-Vell, the first Captain Marvell and a kree soldier turned galactic hero met the princess of the shapeshifting Skrulls breifly. They had a quick affair, and rightly fearing for her child's life , his mom had her handmaiden take Teddy to his father. Said father was dead of cancer so she raised him herself. Super Skrull's natural reaction.. was to burn her.

Klrt ended up atoning a bit, playing Teddy to give both races shared custody, while Teddy remained on earth. Over all this he and Billy had fallen in love and were happy together with Billy's parents gladly taking his boyfriend in, having figured out he was gay (not so much he was a superhero) and warmly welcoming the boy. It's really sweet. The avengers realized they'd been dicks and decided to back off giving the kids full sponsorship.

Billy and Teddy were fan faviorites and it was easy to see why: While Marvel had gay characters before this , most either had to be hidden in plain sight (Mystique and Destiny) to get past censors, or were b-list characters that while great , didn't leave a huge impact (Northstar). While teen versions of the avengers, Billy and Tommy were still fairly high profile and depsite writer and creator Alan Heinberg being busy in CALLLLIFFFOOORRRNNIIIAAAAAA, the Young Avengers were kept pretty high up and a part of most crossovers from then on out in some form. Not only that the fact the two were gay , while something they had to deal with this being the early 2000's, was celebrated and a non issue for their parents, something that was rare in this kind of story at the time.

The two would stick around a while, and Tommy would eventually get his mom back during Alan Heinberg's long delayed The Children's Crusade.. which is kind of a mess and something best left for another time but in short, the twins reunited with their mom, who nicely lives in step with Billys adopted parent (Tommy's abandoned him so he's fine), and Dr. Doom killed cassie lang after bringing back her dad. It's a lot.

In the wake of this a new volume of Young Avengers by one of my faviorite comic book writers, Kireon Gilleon launched and the couple faced some issues despite getting engaged in the wake of Children's Crusade: Billy accidently summoned a dimenson hopping parasite named mother, forcing an all new iteration of the young avengers (Billy, Teddy and Kate along with Progidy, America Chavez, Teen Loki and Marvel Boy), to step up and take her out. The adventure was important as it asked an obvious question.. okay Loki did because who else: Did Billy .. wish Teddy into existance? I Mean his existance was pretty conveient: a struggling gay kid suddenly gets a handsome boyfriend whose also the secret son of captain marvel? He wasn't of course, but it was a good line to explore, the two eventuallyr econciled and peace was had.

The two would go on to be part of New Avengers, a book I loved by another writer I loved and the one who wrote these issues, Al Ewing. They worked with former New Mutant, Avenger and All Around awesome guy Sunspot as he took over former supervillian hive aim and tried to make it something good… by buyign them out as their traded like any company and most of them liked him better as a boss than whatever super villian took it over that week. The takeaway here is the two got an apartment, and Teddy got cemented as future king of space by taking up a cool as hell sword, but refused the throne for now.

This leads us, finally, to Empyre, the event the wedding's a part of.. as a massive twist mid story. It's also really one of the only lasting effects this event had, the other being the major catalyst for two future al ewing books: Guardians of the galaxy, which we'll cover the first arc of in May for obvious reasons, and SWORD which is awesome.

Empyre.. is as bit of a mess and one of MANY marvel events that feels like it's there JUST to be a marvel event. It's especailly hard to look back on after last year's Judgment Day, an event that truly FELT like it needed to be one, had massive lasting consequences for the x-men and nicely tied up writer Kireon Gilleon's eternals run, while telling a compelling story. As you can probably guess it's on my to do list. Empyre.. only is if I ever cover Dan Slott's fantastic four run which given i'm set to cover another disasterous run of his very soon, is thankfully getting pushed back.

Empyre is a long story: the short of it is Teddy united the long fueding Kree and Skrull empires, another thing that stuck ever since, and took them to earth to wipe out the cotai… which echoed history as the kree had done this before but the Coatai had decided thanks to that to wipe out all life.

Along the way Teddy ends up getting kidpanped and replaced by hisg randma who goes mad with power

Forcing the human torch and carol danvers to run , getting teleported.. to the happy couple's apartment, where Billy not only reveals the ruse (if not whose behind it as he dosen't know) as having dated Teddy so long he knows his facial tics to a t.. and because

Yup. Props to Slott and Ewing, and it's why I brought up him writing New Avengers: Ewing clearly loved the characters and made it a goal to give them a bigger place in the marvel universe with this event, and also snuck a gay wedding into one of the biggest events of the year. Kudos. Slott helped too, I guess. I mean credit where it's due he did co write it, I just feel this was likely Ewing's push aand Slott, being a progressive, gladly went along with it.

That leads us to issue 5 and to the actual nuptials. We won't be covering this one in full, as there's still a LOT of empyre stuff here. It's what makes covering some of the more mordern superhero weddings tricky as due to being written for the trade stories can often require an entire arc to get there. I got lucky with X-Men as whlie there was plenty of build up, the wedding itself was contained to one issue plus some bonus bits in the first issue of mr and mrs x. This one.. is smack int he middle of a massive and messy crossover event with 80 dozen tie ins. Thankfully the wedding itself is a short scene and the second wedding with a much larger crowd is contained to an aftermath issue. So after much ado let's GET to that wedding shall we?

We open Empyre #5 with Billy explaning it to Johnny and Carol.. who I"m not sure he'd even met before this, but hey, it's comics so the answer is "probably. At any rate he explains the two had an hour before Teddy left to become king of space. And as two 20 somethings at this point they used half of it already.

I see his point.. also we get a mildy gross bit of Carol apparently deying the eye thing despite the art showing it.. despite being at least twice his age.

Having learned well from his time under Roberto, aka sunspot, Teddy already had a crazy wedding scheme ready to go, including a special guest to precede over it:

Yup that's creator Alan Heinberg, a really sweet gesture.. and one he was well aware of. He and Jim Chung, who co created the characters did a short story for the marvel comics #1000 story staring the young avengers.. in the same outfits they'd wear to this wedding, placing it RIGHT AFTER said wedding. He was of course honored when asked about the cameo and I thoguht it was a sweet touch: he created them, he got them together.. and now he'd marry them, even if he wouldn't be writing it himself.

So surronded by their friends and brother, they marry and it's just.. utterly enchanting. To wrap up the whole doppleganger plot for you guys as it DOES tie into the aftermath issue as you'd expect: the whole connection thing isn't just beautiful poetry, but just as a percaution (Given the Skrulls and Kree asked Teddy to dump Billy already, yes really. ) Billy left a piece of magic inside his husband.. and thus they find the REAL teddy, bring him to the imposter, and said imposter turns out to be the queen of the skrulls, his grandma and someone who should've died when Galactus ate their homeworld. Teddy wins, they stop a doomsday weapon, the plant people are stopped and the evfent as a whole ends with Teddy as king of space. But since only a select few got to attend the first ceremony due to time constraints.. we get Aftermath, a proper wedding issue as the two get married again in front of more friends, Billy's parents, and of course their royal space court.

We open with Teddy visiting his grandma in jail. She explains how she's alive and became a kree infiltrator: she teleported out, leaving her daughter to die because.. well she kidnapped her own grandson and usurped him for power, she didn't have far to fall. She bided her time to try this scheme failled and does the usual villian thing of mocking teddy for his weakness.. before asking how his REAL wedding went.. thus we flash back to the other day

While Billy was happy with the small wedding.. he's equally happy with the huge rager, featuring tons of characters including those just fresh from the crossover, in case your curious why Wolverine and Spidey are wearing ff style uniforms. Which look dope by the way, they may of been for a fairly meehhhhh tie in but those outfits need to make a comeback. It's a nice spread.

Among the guests are recent newlyweds themselves ben grimm and alicia masters, Robby Reyes ghost rider palling around with venom, the guardians of the galaxy including recent couple Noh Varr and Hercules, and the richards kids who are for some reason laying down next to each other stoned out of their minds. God I hope ti's just that

We also get a really nice moment from Cap as he admits their constant attempts to stop the Young Avengers was one of his greatest regrets. Granted it leads to registration coming up and thor quickly stops that with a drink for everyone: Skrullian Fruit Juice for Tony, Mead for THor and an american beer for Steve. The toast is not to the groom or the groom, but to the father of the groom, Captain Marvel, and it's a really touching tribute to their absent friend who they know would be proud if he coudl see this.

So we cut to Teddy also thinking about his dad: his mom tried calling him but he was you know busy and in space and likely failed before word of his cancer diagnoiss reached him. Carol however gives the two a nice congradultions in her predecessor and friends stead…. but soon has her own problems as Abigail Brand walks up to her. Abigail Brand is the former head of SWORD, basicallys hield but dealing with space threats, having been raised in space. It also puts her in my wheelhouse. She also works under Carol at Alpha Flight, SWORD'S replacement…. and is rightfully pissed at carol for going to the cotai without bothering to contact the giant space agency she runs.

And .. she's entirley right. I agree with all of it. The Coatai got in because the avengers ate the hummus as they later put it and Carol tended to just.. call on the avengers. Which was fine when she was just carol danvers and not head of an organzation DESIGNED to counter this sort of thing. Abby is told to back off by Teddy, as while he agrees she has a point this isn't the time or place and she leaves, quitting this bitch.

Carol agrees she had a point and while her friends all assure her "nah they probably woudl've sucked too", though at least Reed Richards agrees she has a point: the earths heroes have acted a bit too unilaterally and have to be better.

Billy however is more unnerved as he noticed something… in a group full of 50 or so avengers, the fantastic four, and the guardians of the galaxy.. everyone looked at Teddy. T'Challa helpfully guides his fellow ruler.

It's the highest compliment that Roberto probably TRULY dosen't have an actual plan to kill his friends.. incpaciate them or talk sense into them maybe, but it's clear he trusts them to rule wisely. Granted he probably has like.. 80 backup plans if they get overthrown but given he's currently living part time in the shiar empire where a regime change is called "Tuesday" I can't say I blame him.

With that Kate breaks out crying as she met them at a wedding.. and now this is happening. We get a sweet moment as everyone reunites.

Back in the present we get some more Empyre wrap up as Teddy rebukes his grandma but shows that while a kind just ruler.. he isn't soft. He lays into Super Skrull, who helped with the coup, for murdering his mom, slaps the guy and rather than give him the easy out of death.. he gives him the job as ambassador, to help save lives to make up for all those killed which he graciously accepts. General Glory, the kree equilvent refuses and agrees to a cell instead saying Teddy will need him.. and we flash forward as he indeed does as things are dire.. until the calvary arrives.

Welcome to SWORD.. a story for another day surely… but for now A toast to the groom to the groom to the groom to the groom , and to the other groom the other groom the other groom, may they always be satisfied and may some idiot not break them up. For now though this status quo has held, these two are happy and they rule over space, together.. as it should be. THanks for readnig and happy valentines day.

[snowthornes]

🍕, 🥊, ❤️, and 🧠 for Thorne? or any other OC of choice!

ASK GAME: THORNE BRIERS | SHEPHERDS OF HAVEN | OMNI

sdsdhg thank you so much for sending an OC ask, I'm 🥹🥹🥹very happy!! Going to monch those ask emojis like candy grams fr

First, I'd like to clarify that Thorne Briers is an OC that I've technically had for five years! I use him in multiple universes, but for this ask I'll be answering for him in the context of the SHOH universe 🤺🤺🤺

MINOR SPOILERS FOR THE ALPHA BUILD BELOW!!

🍕 — What is their favorite food?

Thorne is a huge fan of food — one of the first things he does whenever arriving at a new city is to sample their specialty dishes! As a result, he has a lot of favorite foods, so this is a bit difficult to narrow down. But! I shall try my best to rise to the challenge!

Thorne has a notable fondness for Halek's creations. He’s always first in line to taste-test Halek’s many culinary experiments, and he’s gained quite the reputation for it. There was one time when he came home from a patrol around Haven, anticipating Halek’s latest kitchen creation — only to find that it had been demolished by the other Shepherds. He was so genuinely disappointed that his face, according to an anonymous source, "came dangerously close to resembling a heartbroken cat's". It was an expression so rarely seen on him that those in the vicinity had to do a double take.

Thorne loves salty and buttery flavors. He's obsessed with them. I cannot stress this enough, if Blest had anything remotely similar to our world's honey butter chips, he would be All Over It. As for his favorite food, he's extremely fond of salted butter tea — for the reasons stated above!

He also loves anything loaded with cheese, or spices, or both, so some of his other favorite foods include: Smoked lava cheese buns and root vegetable gratin (Ambryn specialties), and steamed dumplings in chili oil (Korgoth specialty)!

🥊 — What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

WHAT HE LOVES TO DO:

Thorne would say something like 'composing music on the violin' or 'embroidering personalized designs onto his clothes'. And while he does like doing the aforementioned things, I, his creator, would have to say that what he really loves to do is... sleeping in!

Yes. Thorne Briers here is a very, very big fan of sleeping in. It's almost sacred to him. As a Captain-now-Commander, his sleeping-in opportunities are few and few between; but when he does get the chance, he practically leaps at it! Good luck getting ahold of him during the mornings of his days off — he refuses to leave his bed until he's slept at least 2 hours past his usual waking time, and anyone who tries to rouse him before that is in for a very creative, yet groggily mumbled series of death threats.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's a common sight to see him dozing off beside Halek to squeeze in some quick power naps during particularly busy days at the Order! Thorne's self-aware enough to know that once he crawls into his own bed, he'd probably never leave it — so he makes do by finding a spot near Halek and taking his naps there. He finds Halek's lackadaisical demeanor to be soothing and trusts him to have his back against any possible attacks or wayward insects, so they're well-known napping buddies!

WHAT HE HATES TO DO:

... Anything that involves getting up close and personal with crawly/slimy bugs and insects! It can really get in the way of his missions, but he hates the damned things. The sight makes his skin crawl and triggers his fight or flight — mainly flight — instincts like nothing else.

In chapter 4, the faceless lord is described to sometimes appear as a rotting corpse crawling with beetles and worms. You can bet that Thorne was fighting the urge to vomit for more reasons than one. Even days after he eradicated Buubas, he can still feel his skin crawl out of the blue — like beetles were crawling under his skin. That's how much they bother him. He can handle getting thrown off a cliff with gritted teeth and sharpened eyes, but getting close to those things? Hael.

And, yes, chapter 7 was a very bad time for him. The Bleakmoor swamp is a breeding ground for all sorts of unholy mutated insects; the chapter once mentions how Blade dislodges a nest of wriggling leeches when he moves a shrub, and I honestly think Thorne considered handing in his resignation then and there.

As it was, he just turned stiff as a board and did his damnedest to hide his discomfort — he hates appearing vulnerable/emotional — but by then everyone knew him well enough to tell what was going on.

Chase had to really double down on his jokes and chatter to get Thorne's mind off of the insect breeding ground they were currently slogging through. And it worked, somewhat! It's notoriously easy to make Thorne laugh, a fact that has surprised many who have known him. It's safe to say that Thorne's experience with the swamp would have been much more miserable if Chase hadn't been there. Later, after the whole kithma business had somewhat settled and Thorne had taken an unholy amount of baths, he would take Chase aside and sincerely — if somewhat awkwardly — thank him for his help.

❤️ — What is one of your OC’s best memories?

This is a closely guarded secret of Thorne's, but he's actually quite sentimental — or, in other words, a massive sap. The experiences he had in chapters 3 and 4 were pivotal for his development as a character, and affected how he behaves in chapter 5 and beyond.

One of his best memories is, oddly enough, waking up in the Reach and eavesdropping on Blade absolutely ripping into the Hunters for his sake. It was kind of an enormous "Oh" moment for him. The realization that he now has people who'll look out for him, that he has people who'll get angry for his sake.

Thorne is a bleeding heart turned cynic. A flash of clenched teeth and glacial eyes. Faith is a safety net he discarded long ago, the moment he wiped his entire village off the map with the utterance of a word. A once-child-now-adult who’s seen and done too much in his years of wandering the world alone. He's someone who refuses to be hurt, who masks and calculates and manipulates in his dealings with other people because you can't hurt someone who's not completely real. Though he'll mix some sincerity into his manipulations in order to make him appear a bit more trustworthy, he'll rarely show you his whole heart. He's taken the leap of trust before, and the fall had shattered his bones. Never again. He'll never expose himself like that again.

So when he wakes up from having his body — quite literally, this time — shattered, only to overhear his Commander, companion, and maybe sort of friend so furious for (mostly) his sake, it's staggering. He's almost bewildered. I think that's when he realized that he's in for the long haul with the Shepherds now; that they won't just be some paragraph in his endless cycle of meeting and departing. And I think that was the moment when the Shepherds gained his utterly unswerving loyalty.So, thank you Blade, I guess <3 Now that I think about it, Blade has had a massive influence on Thorne's development as a Shepherd, right from the very first day off they spent together. What a Commander <3

🧠 — What do you like most about the OC?

I like how unstable he is initially; how his journey with the Shepherds isn't as smooth as slotting a single puzzle piece into place. Before fully accepting the Shepherds as his own, Thorne had to give way. He'd had to take apart the veil of distrust and calculations that kept him safely shrouded from the world, and let them see him. See his scars, see his anger, see him as himself, not as the veneer of carefully constructed eloquence that has practically become a second skin — like a sumptous robe meant to cloak him and turn him into something invulnerable. And it had taken a long while. Hael, he had to fall off a cliff and witness his Commander getting angry for his sake before he even realized that the Shepherds had become people extremely important to him. Thorne's journey is one of change and new beginnings; of daring to envision a future shrouded in sunlight rather than shadow. It's a tale of learning to trust yourself as you learn to trust others. And for that, he is very dear to me.

... This got long. Sorry. SORRY. SO SORRY. BUT. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BLAB ABOUT HIM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH ILYSM <333

[twocubez]

Deltarune and Strangerhood

For the best reading experience, listen to Born a Stranger from To the Moon.

There's this feeling that I keep coming back to whenever I talk about Deltarune. It's a little bit tricky to put it into words, but I want to try anyway, because I'm not sure if I've seen anyone express it in relation to DR.

So, in Undertale, you're frisk and frisk is you, more or less. You don't know the world you've entered, or who anyone is, their history, their baggage. You have no clue about any of that stuff, and as a human in the Underground, no one expects you to know. You can just be yourself, discovering this new place and making new friends.

In Deltarune, it's different. You can't be yourself, because you're stuck with kris. People have expectations for kris, because Kris has lived here for their whole life and they already know everyone. They are connected to their home in a way that you aren't. You're alienated from everyone and everything, and worse yet, you're alienated from them too. They are a whole person, and you have no idea how they feel about you. Judging from how they act with you, though, surely those feelings can't be too positive. But it's not like you have any way of telling them you aren't happy either, you're just stuck this way.

The-hard-to-describe-feeling that Deltarune gives me is that of strangerhood. Of knowing very deeply that no matter what you do, you'll be a stranger. You're alien, both to the world, and your assigned partner.

The outsider feeling is why I'm so fiaxted on Noelle and Berdly's trainwreck of a friendship. There's just so much about Noelle that Berdly probably doesn't know, and he's so bad at picking up on social cues and she's so bad at just saying how she feels that there's this giant rift in communication between him and his closest friend. No matter what he does, it'll be hard for him to be as good a friend to Noelle as Kris is. No matter what he does, he'll be a stranger.

Additionally, the outsider feeling comes back whenever certain things, people, or memories are brought up by the characters. Like Dess. She's a stranger to me, but clearly someone really important to everyone, and she's gone. Situations like that are hard for me. I've always been afraid of having to console a grieving person because it seems like something that's so easy to mess up, especially when you never knew the person they lost. And you can't just say or do nothing, because that could hurt them too! Kris would probably know what to say, but they can't, because I'm here. Or with Asriel, I kind of know him... but the Asriel I knew didn't live a life even remotely like that of Deltarune Asriel, so he's functionally a total stranger. Kris clearly has all kinds of feelings about their older brother, who they were incredibly close to and lived in the shadow of, but right now it's impossible for them to just talk to us about those feelings.

I'm very curious as to whether Deltarune makes anyone else feel this way. I should mention something personal that I think is really important here: I'm autistic. I grew up not knowing how to read people in the same way that it seems like most people can do effortlessly. I've always felt like an alien, trying to figure out the rules of Earth, and I've also been quite socially isolated because of it. I'm in college now, and still learning how to establish and maintain friendships, making up for the practice that I missed as a kid when I figured that trying to reach out to my classmates would be too hard and too much work and that I could just entertain myself during recess by reading my favorite books or just watching everyone else. Deltarune resonates with me a lot because of that.

I'm not sure if the feelings it gives me were intentional, and I haven't seen anyone else talk about getting these feelings from the game either. That's part of why I made this post, I want to know if anyone else feels the same way. Thanks for reading.