#not posting the rest bc its not very representative of my actual tastes

[designerskyline]

spotify wrapped 2023! my top artists are all Adam Young (+Austin Tofte) lmao

[direct0rhutao]

hello everyone welcome back to my youtube channel my tumblr blog and today we’re going to be roasting the interior design choices of enstars idols. bc i was looking at the starmony dorm cgs on the wiki for certain reasons and the closer i looked at them the more i was like. why do they look like that.

tldr the starmony dorm rooms are interior design nightmares

mika ritsu dorm: actually this is one of the most decent dorms in terms of aethestics and how well they match the people in the room. mika has plushies on his nightstand! so cute!! ritsu has a goth looking bed with a thing at the end that my common sense says is probably a pillow but my eyes say is a very small coffin! huh!

wataru sora subaru madara dorm: why would you put a cactus right next to the foot of a bed that is an accident waiting to happen. whose bed even is that. idk whose bed is whose in this room

himeru arashi tetora dorm: sorry but arashi’s and tetora’s beds being next to each other is so funny. i like the flower vase and i think the frames arashi put up are cute. i think tetora’s gym equipment smells very strongly of sweat and i think arashi’s solution to this would be to constantly spray perfume at the room. every day himeru wakes up and is assaulted by Odors

mayoi tomoya dorm: what is that one bar above mayoi’s bed for. but other than that mayoi has pretty good taste his bed looks cool. tomoya’s bed is way more “normal” but still looks nicer that some of the other beds we’ll see later

tatsumi koga dorm: why is there a motorcycle in the frame on the wall. what is that ornament on the other wall and why does it look like a sun. why does this room look like the kind of fake model “bedroom” you find in a furniture store

jun kohaku dorm: this room probably also smells like sweat but unfortunately i don’t think kohaku has that much perfume or room spray on hand. also i think one of these days jun’s post-workout selfie mirror will fall over and break and jun will cry

yuzuru tori dorm: what are the round things on the walls next to tori’s bed. are they nightlights. does tori still need nightlights. why doesn’t tori get himself the cutesy nightlights that are shaped like stars and clouds and stuff instead of those things that make the walls look like they have pimples

kaoru nagisa yuta dorm: i think yuta’s bed is the blue one bc it looks a bit like hinata’s but the other two beds look like something you’d find in a 3 star hotel. no personality whatsoever. what’s with the abstract splotch art on the wall. nagisa is part of one of the Big Three units of ES so he should be paid well he can definitely afford some nicer decorations like a large chart illustrating the differences between igneous sedimentary and metamorphic rocks or smth. i do feel like nagisa chose the beanbags that look like rocks tho.. theyre the only saving grace of this room so good job nagisa

keito hajime hokuto dorm: we still don’t know what this one looks like at all.. i think keito’s bed is Boring, hajime’s bed has cute bedsheets in calming pastel colors, and hokuto’s bed has matching bedsheets and pillows in tasteful shades of blue. the rest of trickstar helped pick these bc hokuto’s parents sent him a matching set of bedding with HIDAKA HOKUTO embroidered in gold thread on everything as a “moving-out gift” and hokuto was mortified and shoved them under his bed never again to see the light of day

ibara tsumugi midori mitsuru dorm: midori’s and mitsuru’s beds are cute. i love midori’s vegetable plushies and mitsuru’s bread pillows. ibara and tsumugi’s beds look miserable and devoid of personality, perhaps representing their owners’ mental anguish and despair. and since they have no other large pieces of furniture aside from the beds this room also looks a bit like a showroom in a mattress store

makoto adonis chiaki dorm: i’m guessing chiaki’s bed is the one with bright posters above it, makoto’s bed is the one with the post its and other posters above it, and adonis’s bed is the one with the snuggly blanket with the lovely pattern. they also have a nice long couch, a tv, and a rug with some bean bags. overall it’s a very nice room! my only major complaint is that i refuse to believe that chiaki uses a plain gray blanket and not the same power ranger bedsheets he’s had since he was 10 years old

hinata hiiro niki dorm: hinata’s bed has the blue blanket and hanging plants right? i assume hiiro’s bed has the pillows with blue and orange stripes just because it reminds me of the colors on his jacket. i refuse to believe that niki’s bed is that neat i know he has a secret stash of snacks next to his desk or under the bed or something. i think after crazyB has paid off all their debts and are no longer seriously struggling financially and niki is able to save some of his paycheck i think he’d buy a minifridge and put it next to his bed

rei eichi aira dorm: everyone always talks about rei and eichi’s petty divorce curtain but nobody mentions how aira’s bed looks like it’s made out of cardboard

leo natsume nazuna dorm: why is leo’s the only visibly messy bed we’ve seen. why are nazuna’s and natsume’s beds so average. i can see nazuna as the kind to go for a simple blanket with stripes but you cannot tell me that natsume does not have the most headache-inducing blankets and pillows known to mankind. natsume has 3 pillows each with a different pattern and combination of complimentary colors on them and 2 blankets one of which he found in one of the secret passageways in yumenosaki and one of which has a bunch of constellations printed on it and all of it clashes horribly

kuro mao izumi shu dorm: oh this is one of the worst rooms in general. let’s start with the beds. all four of them look like they have the exact same bedframe. how come mika gets a fancy victorian bedframe and shu doesn’t. is all of shu’s special fancy furniture in france. i genuinely can’t tell whose bed is whose. is mao’s bed the black one on the far left or the red and gray one on the far right (bc ritsu was involved in choosing the bedsheets). why doesn’t kuro have any gym equipment next to his bed like tetora and jun. do you think kuro used to have some gym equipment in the dorm but shu and izumi complained too much about the sweaty smell so he had to leave it at his family’s house. what’s with the four-part abstract art piece. who put that there. did izumi put that there because i cannot imagine shu putting that up there. i do not think shu likes that sort of modern art he probably says it’s meaningless or derivative or smth. he’d probably prefer a high-quality print of a reinassance painting or framed pictures actually scratch that last one because if the kuro mao izumi shu dorm was allowed to hang personal photos on the walls izumi might put up some pictures of the rest of knights and then every night shu would have to go to sleep haunted by the vaguely threatening (to him) smile of Narukami Arashi

rinne kanata hiyori dorm: obv kanata’s bed is the one with the aquarium next to it, which means rinne’s and hiyori’s beds are probably the ones with the slightly different zigzag stripe patterns and honestly i’m disappointed. you mean to tell me amagi rinne doesn’t have insufferably gaudy bright red bedsheets? he doesn’t have a blanket with cartoon bees on it that he bought as a joke when he went to the supermarket with the rest of crazyB? he doesn’t have a stack of coupons and discount vouchers and half-finished loyalty cards and a bunch of misshapen plushies that he got out of a claw machine while trying to get the hamburger plushie for niki as an anniversary gift? and hiyori. eichi’s bed probably came straight from his family’s mansion and looks like it came from a 5 star hotel and hiyori just has. that?? i refuse to belive that hiyori would allow himself to be one-upped by tenshouin eichi in this manner. hiyori has a humongous fluffy princess bed with hearts and flourishes carved into the bedframe and a whole ass canopy with fairy lights that took jun four hours to assemble and you cannot convince me otherwise

tsukasa souma shinobu dorm: where is tsukasa’s trading card collection. where is souma’s sword rack. where are shinobu’s lego ninjago bedsheets

[laurelnose]

monster! parasites!

you know how a few days ago i said we weren’t going to talk about monster parasites? that was a fucking lie.

the basis of my monster parasite thoughts are: every organism comes with its own internal ecosystem that goes with them everywhere. it’s like having built-in friends! ergo, when monsters crossed over to the witcher dimension during the Conjunction of Spheres they must have brought many new and delightful parasites with them. you know what fiend manes are full of? MITES. you know what drowners got on their skin? COPEPODS. what can we do with this information? anything we want.

i promise there are no pictures below the cut. i have tried to put warnings on all my sources but click any of the links below at your own risk. warning for internal and external parasites of animals, monsters, humans, and witchers; parasites altering the behavior of their hosts; and probably general body horror. if you read the eating-liver-flukes post that’s probably a decent baseline for how revolting you will find this post. 

also, super obvious bias towards aquatic parasites as referents. my degree is fisheries science not terrestrial ecology so that’s primarily what i’m drawing on even though nearly all of the witcher monsters are terrestrial. there is a TON i’m missing here bc of that bias! specifically i really wish i could talk about how parasites of invasive species often act as co-invaders with their hosts and monsters definitely count as invasive species and would have majorly reshaped ecological interactions on the Continent but i don’t know enough about terrestrial ecosystems to speculate properly. (ETA: while i still think monsters would have majorly reshaped ecological interactions on the Continent, I don’t actually think they’re invasive species anymore!) hopefully you enjoy it anyways!

it is, hilariously, canon that parasites are used for alchemy. according to The Last Wish, the Temple of Melitele’s grotto grows a bunch of different “rare specimens—those which made up the ingredients of a witcher’s medicines and elixirs, magical philters and a sorcerer’s decoctions” and some of those specimens are, uh, “clusters of nematodes.” nematodes being parasitic roundworms. this is really funny because it’s so fucking weird. also everything else in this description is a plant or a fungus and nematodes are definitely animals? i choose to believe the world makes sense and nematodes aren’t plants in the witcherverse. therefore parasites are alchemical ingredients, it’s canon, give me more witchers digging through monster intestines in search of worms and put a nematode colony in the basement of corvo bianco please and thank you

this actually leads right into my personal favorite drowner headcanon (hello yes i’m tumblr user Socks Laurelnose and i am always thinking about drowners)—you know those bits where drowners kind of have red blotches in their skin? those are nematodes, actually, because i said so. the reference is Clavinema mariae, a nematode that infests English sole. the worms are basically harmless but they’re dark red and you can see them through the skin. it freaks people out and makes it hard to sell sole. (IMAGE WARNING: a picture of an infected flatfish. it looks mostly normal but there’s a dark red lesion near the fin.) said lesion is probably a coiled-up Clavinema. sole have so many of these, it’s not even funny (PDF article link, IMAGE WARNING for worms visible underneath skin of flatfishes. relevant images pointing out exactly how many worms on page 5). “but the red parts of drowners could just be flushed from blood”—no. worms. 

okay that was my main specific-parasite-for-specific-monster headcanon (except also succubi probably have a unique species of lice for their hairy legs. but that’s barely even a headcanon, basically all terrestrial vertebrates have a unique species of lice.) i wanted to start with it because i think that everyone should feel free to arbitrarily assign a totally benign but conceptually gross worm to their favorite monsters. why not, yanno? also it probably sets the tone for the rest of this post. 

carrying on: “what monsters might have nematodes, besides drowners,” you may be wondering? probably all of them! all of them are full of nematodes. nematodes are fucking everywhere. allow me to share a deeply unsettling quote from nematologist Nathan Cobb: 

“In short, if all the matter in the universe except the nematodes were swept away, our world would still be dimly recognizable, and if, as disembodied spirits, we could then investigate it, we should find its mountains, hills, vales, rivers, lakes, and oceans represented by a film of nematodes. The location of towns would be decipherable since, for every massing of human beings, there would be a corresponding massing of certain nematodes. Trees would still stand in ghostly rows representing our streets and highways. The location of the various plants and animals would still be decipherable, and, had we sufficient knowledge, in many cases even their species could be determined by an examination of their erstwhile nematode parasites.”

jesus christ! thanks nathan, I hate it. nematodes are usually both benign and microscopic, but we’re talking witchers, we want some parasites we can fuckin get our hands on. sperm whale placentas are sometimes infested with nematodes up to 28 feet long but only a centimeter in diameter (Wikipedia link, no images). like an incredibly awful spaghetti! we don’t really seem to know if this bothers the sperm whales. also, i unfortunately do not know enough about the size of whale organs to tell you how big the placenta is in relation to this worm. the point is: real big monster? REAL BIG NEMATODES.

moving on from nematodes—okay, you know, since i mentioned eating deer liver flukes at the start of this post, let’s just go there. real life flukes max out at about 3 inches long, but hypothetical monster flukes could be much bigger and equally edible if desired. (if you’re wondering what a liver fluke would taste like: the flukes feed on the liver and they have very few organs of their own, so they would taste basically just like liver, just also long and flat like a fruit roll-up. if you’re going there, a witcher should not eat any flatworm live. if they’re digging them out of cockatrice livers or whatnot they should kill them before munching or save to cook later. it would probably be safe to eat one live, but you know that cliche “their tongues battled for dominance”? handling a live flatworm is like a handling very strong and energetic tongue complete with slime, okay, it wouldn’t be nice.)

parasites often need more than one host to complete the life cycle—for instance, Leucochloridium paradoxum (VIDEO WARNING: you may have seen this, it’s the one that makes snail eyes pulsating & green) has a bird stage and a snail stage, and it makes the snails look and act really weird in order to attract the birds. parasites altering host behavior to attract the next host in the life cycle is pretty well-documented; for instance, there’s an eye fluke that can make fish swim near the surface where predators can eat them (New Scientist article link, images of a microscope slide & a normal-looking fish) and a tapeworm that does the same and makes the dark silver fish turn white (JSTOR article, no images). i posit that at least some monsters are accompanied by “ill omens” of animals looking or acting strangely because they become infected with a stage of one of the monster’s parasites—usually, the mechanism is that internal parasites lay eggs that are passed in feces & transmitted that way. witchers who are up on their parasite ecology might be able to identify what monster is hanging around by observing exactly what kind of freaky-looking animals or animal behavior is going on around the area!

(if geralt is involved you may desire to have him explain this totally non-supernatural mechanism for abrupt animal appearance or behavioral changes at excruciating length to the chagrin of all present. or maybe that’s just what i desire. it would be funny okay)

potentially even more hyperspecific application of dual-stage parasites: there’s a dinoflagellate parasite that, when it infects crabs, makes the meat chalky and bitter like aspirin (Smithsonian link, images of healthy crab and microscope slide). geralt hunts down dinner, digs in, and immediately sighs and grabs jaskier’s portion away from him to the poet’s complete bafflement before going to get his swords because judging by the flavor there’s definitely a shishiga nest in this forest. 

like. parasites are one of THE most hyperspecific things in biology. the majority of them have very specific hosts and life cycles, many of them are completely unique to a species, if you think a fictional parasite is too specific to be plausible you’re probably wrong, make it even more specific. “the witcher monster lore is so hyperspecific lol” IT AIN’T TRULY HYPERSPECIFIC UNTIL YOU CAN IDENTIFY EACH MONSTER SPECIES BY ITS UNIQUE PARASITIC LOAD, OKAY.

and, with regards to behavior-affecting parasites, before anyone brings up Cordyceps (Ophiocordyceps, as of 2008): yeah that sure is a thing! if you weren’t aware, just a couple of years ago we found out it actually is not a mind control fungus!! it bypasses the brain entirely and affects the muscles (Arstechnica article, Atlantic article—photos of fuzzy ants and electron microscope pictures of fungi). or as Ed Yong puts it, “The ant ends its life as a prisoner in its own body. Its brain is still in the driver's seat, but the fungus has the wheel.” which is. significantly worse than the brain thing. awesome!! i bet there would absolutely be similar fungal parasites of endrega and arachasae. real Ophiocordyceps still very much does not affect humans, but you know what, if plants can be cursed into becoming archespores and cultivated by mages i see no reason why mages could not also curse endrega fungus to affect humans, just saying

aaaand quickly back to hyperspecificity: monsters in different geographical areas having different abilities because of their symbionts. forktails in vicovaro acquire a bioluminescent symbiont in their diet that forktails in other parts of the continent can’t get, and they can create flashes of light? that’s sure gonna fuck a witcher on Cat up when he comes in the cave expecting a normal forktail. (geographic location affecting bioluminescence is a thing that actually happens in midshipman fish—Wikipedia link, no parasites.) geographically-dependent symbionts can also produce different toxins and such for their hosts! this isn’t exactly a parasitism thing per se (although parasites are also symbionts because ‘symbiosis’ refers to two organisms in close association not two organisms in positive association) but like. it’s cool okay ecology is so cool

writing fic and tired of all these same-old monsters-of-the-week? quick and easy way to spice up either the horror factor or just make the hunt stand out slightly: just add parasites!! i know i’ve read fics where monsters were described with distinguishing old wounds. you can do the same with parasites! i would fucking swoon over a detail like an ancient water hag’s eyes glowing in the dark, one of them marred by a dangling parasite—geralt notes the blind spot and presses his advantage. (Wikipedia link, no images: this one is referencing an aquatic copepod called Ommatokoita.) also, please put barnacles on skelliger drowners, i want it so badly. just—some percentage of monsters should be Extra Grody on the inside and/or the outside, that’s how nature works. spicing up a mundane hunt by making the monster a little extra gross for its species is Valid, is what I’m saying.

also, every single time frozen specimens with obvious fungal/ectoparasite infections come into the lab we absolutely always take extra close-up pictures of those suckers and make sure everyone else gets to see them. witchers bringing field sketches and notes of the weirdest shit they found on the path back for winter. lambert declares they’ll never know if this alleged fiend tumor was a fungus or mange because geralt sucks at drawing. eskel, the man who hauled a katakan corpse all the way up the mountain so he could dissect it, produces actual skin samples of his own encounters for examination, possibly in the middle of dinner. this elicits mixed reactions.

quick detour into preservation, since I went there—witchers are probably immune to parasites that infect humans by virtue of having pretty different biology to begin with, and probably immune to parasitic infections from other sources by virtue of superhumanly boosted immune systems and all the poison they put into their bodies on a regular basis. picking up a monster parasite would probably not be a big deal for witchers, either in that they have total immunity or that they would only be minimally and briefly affected, but the field of monster biology is likely such that they probably just don’t actually know what would happen to them in the majority of cases. this has potential as a source of battle stories and/or stories intended to freak out trainees, i think. therefore, out of caution, a witcher harvesting/preparing parts for alchemy might want to be sure to treat them first. personally i think all monster parts should be preserved immediately anyways to avoid attracting necrophages, and given that alchemical concoctions in witcherverse are alcohol-based, preservation in strong alcohol is probably the best way to maintain potency and kill basically everything. (cons: alcohol is SUPER heavy and jars are fragile. tissues or organs which are thicker than perhaps half an inch or an inch require additional preparation for the alcohol to penetrate properly. other preservation methods are more efficient for travel. depends on how soon your witcher intends to use or offload their stash.)

also, here’s an absolutely wild marine parasite that would make it worth a witcher’s while to make certain everything was dead! pearlfishes are long eel-like fishes that live inside the anus and respiratory organs (which are attached to the anus) of sea cucumbers, and they have pretty nasty teeth (PDF article link, IMAGE WARNING: dissected sea cucumbers literally stuffed to the gills with pearlfish). the highest number of pearlfish discovered in a single sea cucumber was sixteen (ResearchGate article, free PDF; no images). a different fact: we discovered tiger sharks eat each other in the womb because a researcher got bitten by a fetal tiger shark while he was dissecting the mother (NYT link, no images or parasites). what i’m saying is: parasites are often very small relative to the host and usually harmless to things rummaging around inside, but what if the monster’s parasites were also monstrous. give me a monster that has to be very dead or when you start rummaging around for alchemy ingredients the things in its intestines will lunge out and bite you. 

what happens if a human becomes infected with a monster parasite? bad things, probably, i mentioned before that parasites in the wrong host, if they don’t just die, often super fuck things up internally (if you get tapeworms outside of the intestine where they’re supposed to be... it’s not good y’all. CDC link, no images). host-jumping for parasites is actually fairly rare since most of them are highly specialized for their hosts, but it does happen. humans are very not my strong suit so i’m not going to dwell on this but it is entirely possible that something like necrophage infestations or monster-contaminated water sources or just being a little too involved on a witcher’s monster hunt could produce strange parasitic diseases in humans. up to you how well-known and/or how clouded in superstition these effects might be! opportunities for hideous whump? gross body horror? messy and horrifying parasite-driven behavioral changes? terrifying and potentially prolonged uncertainty over what the issue actually is because of minimal information about parasites? the decision whether or not to dose with a witcher potion? excellent possibilities.

okay last one, just because i think it would be fun: myxosporeans and sirens. Myxos are a parasitic relative of jellyfish that produce whirling disease in baby salmon. whirling disease causes neurological and skeletal damage and has a pretty high mortality rate, but it also makes infected fish do this, well, whirling behavior and it’s honestly fascinating. (video link: a pretty normal-looking young trout spinning like a fuckin top). imagine a siren doing that in the sky. i just think myxos are neat!

tl;dr: extra grody hyperspecific biology of monsters!!!

[doubleshotofsomething]

Publicity Stunt

Part Four

[Part One<-- Find here]

Warnings: Swearing as usual. Trigger warnings??( just to prepare you, so be prepared). I think thats it?? 

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Reader is a fixer/Pr and longtime friend of Pepper. Post-endgame.

PS: Thank you guys for the support and feedback, your kind words are music to my ears(eyes bc i read them) and i cant explain how much it means to me. Thank you all so very much xxxxxxx

Scroll to the bottom for the next part

You stood on the tarmac as the Quinjet landed. Your personal assistant, Jonah, had arrived a few hours earlier and met the Avengers at the Senate hearing. You weren’t a fan of court procedures, any more than you were of politicians, so you sent Jonah – along with the lawyers you trusted – to the courthouse to ensure everything ran smoothly. Clint was a bit anxious when you told him your assistant was replacing you, Wanda refused to leave unless you were going with them, and Bucky spent the entire time asking about your male assistant.

“You planned this whole thing but you’re not showing up?” Clint argued, eyes flashing with betrayal.

Wanda agreed with him. “This is your thing! If anyone can convince people to do anything they don’t wanna, it’s you!”

“I’m not one for damselling—” Sam stopped pacing and took a breath- “but you’re turning me into one right about now.”

“This, Noah, person you were telling me about—” Bucky practically shoved the laptop in your face, a picture of your security’s supervisor stared back at you, “—he looks like a registered sex offender.”

You rolled your eyes, fixed the search, and pulled a picture of your assistant. You turned the laptop back to him and faced everyone else. “Jonah is a qualified attorney, and the team of attorneys that will be representing you are the best DC has to offer. You are in great hands.” You tried to reassure them, but your absence was clearly something that they weren’t okay with.

“Noah looks like Rumlow.” Bucky scowled, staring too closely at the screen. “He looks like Rumlow’s Hulk brother.”

“Looks like Drax’s long lost brother,” Sam added, peering over Bucky’s shoulder.

Clint joined in, clicking a few buttons and nodded. “He looks like he eats Senators for breakfast.”

“You work around Rumlow?” Bucky looked back at you, eyebrows furrowed. “Every single day, you spend time with this guy?”

“Jonah.” You corrected.

“He looks like a registered sex offender.”

“That’s not what sex offenders look like,” you scoffed, “you’d be surprised how many suits and ties are actual sex offenders.”

“Rumlow Noah is wearing a suit and tie.”

“Bucky, his name is Jonah,” you looked at him pointedly, “and it would do you justice if you remembered that. He’s a nice kid—”

“-registered sex offender—”

“—and he’s really good at what he does.” You glared at him for a moment longer before looking at everyone else, “I wouldn’t trust this part of the job on anyone else. He’s good. He’s great, and his team of attorneys are sharks. You—”

“Why do we need attorneys?” Clint asked, looking away from the laptop. “I thought this was a senate hearing.”

“While you’re at it, ask her about the security team of registered criminals she has on speed dial.” Bucky muttered, scrolling through more pictures of Jonah.

“What?” Wanda practically cried; eyes wide with panic.

“Oh, for fuck sake—” You inhaled deeply, “—the attorneys are for back up and the security is for the attorneys.”

Bucky, because he’s Bucky and his natural instinct is to make things difficult for you, scoffed. “It’s to get us out of there in case this is a trap.”

“A trap?!”

“Barnes!”

“Did you know Rumlow Noah had the third highest grade score in his class?”

It took far longer than expected, than necessary, to get them onto the Quinjet and to the hearing. Bucky was still attached to the laptop when he boarded, Clint was satisfied that you weren’t sending an intern with no experience, and Wanda was contemplating using her abilities on you. But, eventually, they departed for the city and left you with enough time to do your job, make a couple of phone calls and listen in on the senate hearings.

You weren’t a rookie, you had Jonah wear one of his bugged suits. This was the senate, after all, and you had to be ready for anything they could pull.

Jonah was a large man. His build caused controversy in the courtroom, juries thought him intimidating and witnesses found him unapproachable. His voice was far too deep, his face was far too intense, his looks were too menacing. His presence alone had scared witnesses into committing perjury, a few simple objections had caused him fines from contempt, juries ruled against his clients because of his daunting appearance.

Jonah was a very large man, but where others saw a beast, you saw brains. He was far younger than you, he had graduated from high school and law school far too early, and he was ready to make a difference. He could recite every word in the constitution, poke holes in the most ironclad of nondisclosure agreements, he could tell you all about each crime and how to elude being charged with it. The kid could get away with a Presidential assassination in broad daylight if he wanted to. But he looked like a Mafioso and appearance is everything in DC. So, when he lost a case – a case he should have won – you walked up to him and offered him a job.

Personal Assistant is what you both called his title, but he was much more than that. He was the reason you were good at your job.

“I’m guessing it all went well?” You raised an eyebrow at Jonah, the rest following suit.

Jonah simply shrugged, handing you a folder. “That shouldn’t even be a question.”

“Shit hit the fan.” Clint sighed.

“I’m making a list.” Bucky grumbled, idling a few steps away as he continued with his face shoved against the laptop.

“He pissed everyone off!” Wanda glared at him, “how is that not supposed to be a question?”

“Jesus—” Jonah rolled his eyes, dark brown glaring down at Wanda. “—you really think that was supposed to end well? It’s a senate hearing, with a bunch of powerful that were in the room with, arguably, people that are far more powerful than them. Your abilities, your avenging, everything about you already pisses them off.”

“What was the point of all that then?” Sam questioned, staring at Jonah like a lion ready to pounce on its prey.

“To piss them off,” Bucky added, shoving the laptop at you. “This is Rumlow’s classmate. She’s married, graduated top of her class and lectures at an Ivy League law school.”

You took the laptop and closed it shut. “The point of all this was to prove to everyone that the whole case is biased, that the entire senate – along with the accords – was based on the simple fact that they are biased.” You said, handing the laptop to Jonah’s anticipating hands and walking back inside.

“If we could prove bias to the general public,” Jonah continued as they all followed, “we could dismantle the entire case against you.”

“Sounds like a sex offender thing to say,” Bucky grouched, earning a warning look from you.

You placed the laptop on the kitchen counter, telling Jarvis to seal off every entrance to anyone without residential clearance. The rebuilt Compound was larger, but with less floors, the design was a unique mixture of every Avenger’s taste, except it was more of an armoury than it was a home. Each room had a secret compartment of weapons, and an exit route that led to either the garage or the woods, and the security system seemed to be engineered to withstand a nuclear war.

You had already set up a seating arrangement for them, their absence helped in getting a couple of things done, and you waited as everyone took a seat.

“Everything, from here on out, is gonna be war.”  You looked at all of them, hating the next words that were about to leave your mouth. “The whole media stint where I had you kissing babies and walking dogs, helping the needy, all that was just for the cameras. All that was just the first phase of what’s to come next. We can’t win against the Accords, we can’t win against a hundred and seventeen nations. But the people can.”

“This was never about public image.” Wanda stated, bitterness coating her words.

You shook your head solemnly. “You pissed off a lot of powerful people. They don’t care about who you are or how good your intentions—”

“They care about controlling you.” Jonah interjected. “The accords are the perfect example of that, and that’s why I had to piss them off.”

“You didn’t have to do anything.” Bucky growled at him.

“The UN ordered you shot on sight,” Jonah fired back, glaring at him, “that’s illegal and the exact opposite of what they’re supposed to be doing—”

“—Jonah had to rile them up, I told him to do so. Senate hearings are televised and public record, we needed it to have the highest ratings possible.” You added, “because, now, the senate hearing is going to turn into an International court case, where your charges will be presented before you and the court. Testimonials and all that jazz, basically the same bullshit that the Accords doesn’t afford you—”

“—which is illegal and violates a shit load of rights.” Jonah interrupted.

“From that moment forth, we present our case to the world.” You completed, eyes lingering a bit on Wanda for a moment longer.

“We’re gonna lose and go back to the raft.” She said, too sure of herself for your liking.

“The people won’t let us.” Bruce chuckled softly, shaking his head at you. The wheels were turning in his head and the pieces were finally fitting together perfectly. “That’s why you spent so much time on our public image, why you started an uproar in a senate hearing.”

Sam’s shoulders dropped at the realisation, the picture finally becoming clearer. “You’re evil.”

“I’m efficient.” You corrected, “and I don’t like losing. I don’t like it when good people are wronged, and I really hate the government enough to defame it.”

“The economy is gonna suffer, international relations are gon—” Bruce started, but you were not having any of it.

You scoffed. “The accords are a pretty way of saying slavery, so I don’t care.”

“Uh—” Bucky raised his hand slowly, “—call me old fashioned, but I’m really confused here.”

“We’re going to lose to the UN,” Wanda said, turning to face him, arms folded and face twisted in spite. “But she’s going to start a civil war within all nations, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it because people love us, and she made them think the government is evil.”

“You’re evil.” Clint mimicked Sam’s words. “You’re worse than the government.”

“Someone has to be.” You acknowledged, unashamed and unbothered.

You knew what the job description was when you signed up, and you knew the kind of soulless monster you were going to have to be when Pepper called. You left DC behind, a town of vultures, to defend people that weren’t accustomed to those vultures. It wasn’t just DC’s most elite politicians you were going against; it was the entire country; it was the entire world – nations with resources to the disposal that you couldn’t even begin to fathom. First world countries, with the means to make you disappear without a trace, second world countries with the power to make your death seem natural, third world countries that had lost far too much to care about moral code.

To win, your only weapon was to start a world war.

To succeed, your only strategy was to make the people fight it for you.

You weren’t dumb enough to think you could win against world nations. But you were smart enough to know where to hit for fatal damage.

“We’re about to face the world and call their leaders a bunch of criminals,” You finally said. “Clint, I had Happy fetch your wife and kids, they’ll be here in a few hours. Scott will be here as well, with his kid. The compound is the safest place they could be, right now. Until this is all over. Until—”

“—until they’re no longer at risk of being held, by the government, indefinitely.” Jonah added for you, “because we’re not idiots to think they’re safe in their own country. They can and they will be used against you.”

“You’re saying our government would arrest minors for crimes they didn’t commit?” Rhodes, for the first time since he sat in the room, spoke – disbelief cloaking his face.

“I’m saying they arrested Wanda, Clint, Scott and Sam for not signing a contract.” Jonah, a man you trusted with your very life, fired back without missing a beat. “Because that’s what this—” he waved the accords in the air, “—this sad excuse of a law that will never stand, is. A contract. Not a law that has been enforced, not an amendment, and definitely not legal. So, yes, I do strongly believe that a government capable of forcing an Army experiment, which resulted in the Abomination – the same government that violated Bruce Banner’s constitutional right; by illegally searching all his belongings without a warrant – is capable of arresting minors for shit they didn’t do.”

“He can tell you all about the rights and laws that the existence of the raft violates,” you said, “but that’s gonna require a shit load of coffee and a lot of ‘I told you so’s’ from Ol’ man Rogers. And that’s not something we’re all ready for.”

Wanda sat up quickly, gaining everyone’s attention. “Wait,” she examined you, something finally clicking in her head. “Those rights apply to Americans and I’m Sokovian."

You shrugged. “I pulled some strings—”

“—made an argument that you couldn’t be eligible for death penalty for treason, in this country, if you weren’t a citizen—” Jonah added.

“—because then that’s gonna be a whole international dispute, and you would be handed over to your own country for the trial—” You nodded.

“—and, man, do we hate not having blood for blood.” Jonah sighed, shaking his head. “I could name a couple of states that want your pretty little neck attached to the adios syringe—"

“—and no country is a fan of those international disputes. So—,” you pushed the green file, you had placed on the table, towards her. “—you became a citizen the moment I walked onto the compound.”

“Which makes you eligible for the same protection as everyone in this room.”

“Pure evil.” Rhodes gaped at you, completely awed.

“We can’t stop the Accords from happening, but we can sure as hell change it. From this day forward, you guys must do everything I tell you, word for word. You’re a team, what you do and how you act will affect all of us. I know what I’m doing, and I need you to trust that; trust that I can, and I will, get you through all of this. You don’t have to trust me, but you can rest easy knowing that I don’t start wars I can’t win.

“I may be evil,” you breathed, straightening your posture and making sure to look every one of them in eye. “But I’m the kind of evil you need, right now.”

There was pregnant pause, an eerie silence encompassing the entire room. “’Til the end of the line.” Bucky voiced softly, his ocean blues capturing yours in a gentleness you’ve never known.

“We’ve come this far,” Bruce said, nodding in agreement to Bucky’s declaration.

Sam shook his head. “We’re so screwed,” he whispered to Clint.

*

Pepper didn’t know your plan.

The whole thing was going to be hard enough as it was. You had arranged the empty rooms into guest bedrooms, Jarvis was rather helpful in that department, you had him direct the Avengers’ loved ones to their designated rooms. You made a list of things for Jarvis to inform them of – the basics of the compound and the PG rated reason they were there – and made sure to stock the place with every single necessity you could think, that they would need.

She would disapprove of it.

Asgard was already on standby, in the unlikely case that the Compound was compromised. You had asked their current leader, Valkyrie, for the assistance and she was more than ready to help. The Avengers were dear to Thor’s heart, so taking in their loved ones for protection was something Asgardians were more than happy to do.

She would hate you for it.

Wakanda was on standby for extraction as well. In the event that the Avengers would need an escape route, Nakia – a woman that was very pleased to know about your plan – had promised to help in any way possible. She, too, was not a fan of politicians imposing their agendas under the false pretence of enforcing the law.

“Woah, woah, woah—” Bucky gripped onto your arm, pulling you into a slow jog then a stop, “—slow down there, doll.”

You were struggling to catch your breath as you pulled your arm out of his grasp, wiping your forehead free of sweat with the sleeve of your shirt. You fanned your face, trying to find something to lean against, someplace to sit, somewhere to breathe. Because, damn it all to hell, you couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t think, and it was freaking you out.

“Y/N…” Bucky called out, gripping both of your shoulders and turning you to face him, “Y/N, come on, look at me.”

It’s too hot. Dammit, why is it so hot?

You tried to push him away, worming your way out of his hold, but that only succeeded in him tightened his grip.

Let go.

Molars grinding, hands fisted, you ducked out of what felt like an ironclad grip and backed away from him. You just needed to think, that’s why you went for a late afternoon jog alone, to think. The compound was too crowded; too many voices for you to focus, too many smells, too many distractions. Your room was no better, it was big enough to be a master bedroom, but it felt small – why did it feel so small?

When did it get so dark?

You tried sitting outside, thinking that fresh air would do the trick. But Bruce and Clint and Jonah were outside, talking about something… you were close enough to hear, you think you even made a comment… What were they talking about?

“Come on, sweetheart, look at m—hey, hey, I need you to look at me.”

Go away!

You just needed to think. You rubbed your throat, continuing down your path – it was your path, right? – and tried to swallow down the dryness. You must have been jogging for a while, it was getting difficult for you to see or focus on where you were going. You tried blinking, alternating between rubbing your eyes and your throat, hating that you didn’t bring a water bottle with you.

What were you missing?

“Y/N—”

Why was he still here?

You just needed a second. You just needed to look at things clearly, for his sake, for their sake. Just a second. That’s all you needed.

Safehouses were sorted, because you could never be too safe. Black folders were ready, because you could never trust the other team to play clean. Everyone’s loved ones were accounted for. So, what were you missing?

Think about Morgan.

That annoying little twinge snapped at you, in you, spreading across the left side of your chest. You didn’t even like children, so that shouldn’t even be a thought. It shouldn’t have been a thought coated in Pepper’s voice.

This is exactly why, you thought, this is exactly why I don’t mix work with friendship.

You stopped walking when you could no longer see where you were going, reaching out to find the nearest tree. You couldn’t even hear your own footsteps as you did that, you couldn’t hear anything except the loud thrumming in your ears.

There was something in the distance, some sort of movement maybe – couldn’t be sure, you chose to pass it off as nature and focused on catching your breath. Your muscles felt tense, you blamed it on the jog – because you’re a walker, not a jogger. Your lungs were aching and each gasp for air seemed to not be enough, every deep breath you tried to take felt like it was twisting your chest.

You felt something crawl up your arm, an unwelcome heat that you recoiled away from, moving away from whatever it is. You mind shouted spider and you didn’t hesitate to speed walk away from the pest, but it wouldn’t stop clinging to you, pulling at you, dragging you back with its callous clutch.

You went to flick it away with your other hand, dread settling into the pit of your stomach. “Get off me,” you couldn’t recognise your own voice, drenched in trepidation as your hand tried to swat away at the thick-skinned creature.

Another one gripped at your hand, pressing it to your chest as you began to heave in an unadulterated panic. The iron grip on your arm moved to your back, unconcerned by the fight you were putting, and you were forced into something hard.

“Shhh,” Bucky soothed, wrapping an arm around your writhing figure whilst moving his other to stroke your head, “it’s okay, just breathe.”

This wasn’t you. This couldn’t be you. His shark, his girl, his little darling, his sweetheart couldn’t be the one that tried to fight him off. You couldn’t be this shivering wreck in his arms. No… it couldn’t be you.

But it was you. He could tell it was you just by the sound of your footsteps, so he followed the sound through the trees until he found you, taking a path he knew you’d never been on before.

His shark was shaking in his arms; he could pick you out in a dark room by your smell alone, and your disorientated steps struck an intrusive feeling in him, the kind he’d felt after the snow.

His girl, in the dark and alone, too scared to even let him hold her. This couldn’t be the woman he fell in love with, could it?

“Focus on my voice, I know it’s difficult, but—” he took a breath as he tightened his grip, “—you just need to breathe. Okay? Breathe with me, doll, in and out, slowly—”

He felt you tense, felt as your thrashing turned to uncoordinated twitching, felt as you tried to focus on what he was telling you to do. It took a while before you could mimic his breathing, he didn’t blame you – figured you were just realising what was happening, and even then, your breathing was off.

“That’s it,” he praised, “that’s my girl. You’re doing so good, darling, just keep focusing on my voice—”

You could barely make out his voice, the cloud in your head was too much, but the quick thuds that were drumming against your hand – each one strong as the other – pierced through the disarray. You moved away your hand, having been placed there from your attempt to push him away, and pressed your forehead against the area, forcing yourself to focus on at least that.

This wasn’t you. This didn’t happen to you. But here you were, in Bucky’s arms, hating yourself for letting this happen.

One sense at a time, your own voice rang in your head, that’s how you’ll get back control.

You shut your eyes, tapping your finger to beat of his heart, choosing to focus on your sense of touch first – not that it was a choice. Your first instinct was supposed to be listening, but your disarrayed mind ignored his voice, and went straight for the feel of his heart against your hand. The muscle beating against his chest, something you couldn’t hear, was the only thing you were capable of recognizing in that moment.

The thrumming managed to soothe away the ache in your chest and your feet, the feel of something soft and damp pressing against the crown of your head repeatedly managed to help cool you down, all that was left was for the slight stinging on your throat to disappear – but water could fix that.

You can’t do it all at once, Stark. You remember telling Tony, his panic attack had rendered him speechless, the first of the few that had. Divide and conquer, just like I taught you.

He had listened, focused on your instructions as you helped pull him out of the deep, then pretended he had it all under control – that he could have managed just fine without your interference. You laughed, accustomed to his humour, knowing it was only a defence mechanism, then told him about how it wasn’t something to be ashamed of. You told him that it was a normal thing, a reasonable reaction, to the horrors he had seen. You told him, insisted, that it wasn’t something to be embarrassed about because it happened to the best of us.

You didn’t think you’d have to tell yourself that.

Best of us, never included you.

You were the one that got people through them; helped them cope, taught them the little techniques that they benefited from.

You never thought you would have to use them on yourself.

Next Part

[sovonight]

i wanted to try compiling opinions on my gravity falls tea blends, if just for personal reference!

the blends i’ve made are dipper, mabel, stan, ford, the author, the mystery shack, and ford (alt). looking at it now i’m like, wow i made three separate ford blends isn’t that overkill, but y’know what it’s fine

people’s reviews:

there are customer reviews on the listings themselves, just click through to specific blends!

mabel, dipper, stan, ford, the author, the mystery shack, and ford (alt)

stan

ford (alt)

i might be missing some in posts/replies/tags on tumblr, but can’t find em rn

and here are my own reviews/opinions. i don’t do much with steeping times (3-7 minutes or whenever i finally remember i’ve been steeping tea) and sometimes i leave the tea leaves in the cup ‘till the end of time, so it’s whatever. i always add sugar though, and occasionally add milk if the tea’s strong enough for it

mabel

my original review post

my review on the listing says, “it reminds me so much of bubblegum that i almost want to rename it that [...] while i already tend to let loose leaf teas steep in the cup forever i'd actually go out of my way to recommend it for this one; it lets the fruit come through a little better. and ofc, bubblegum is nothing without sugar, so please add sugar.”

my impression since then: adding sugar is correct. also this blend originally had sprinkles, and while i still support that decision, i removed it because sprinkles leave a bit of oil (?) in the tea when they melt-- not the best look for a light tea like this

dipper

my tiny review answer

i remember this one being a nice light fruit tea, but i’m reordering it for an updated opinion! if you don’t like slightly-sour fruit teas, though, you won’t like this one. also, steep it forever, the flavor is pretty light otherwise, and personally both dipper and mabel’s blends taste better iced

update, turns out it’s even better with sugar and milk! i just never had milk on hand when i last tried it so i couldn’t confirm until now. with milk it turns into a nice, warm, vaguely fruity tea that i’m a big fan of

the mystery shack

my tiny review answer

i remember this one as a “whenever” tea that wasn’t too light or too heavy, but i’m reordering it for an updated opinion. no milk, just sugar

stan

my original review post (my impressions of dipper and ford there are obsolete, i redid those blends since that post)

my impression since then: he’s still perfect

make sure to add sugar. and optionally milk. and blow a kiss at that mug, why not

ford

i’m ordering it again to give an updated opinion! from what i remember, the lapsang souchong was a Little much for me, even after editing it down. which is like... very fitting. secretly i call this the portal ford blend, especially with an extra-smoky spoonful of tea leaves, but i cannot let myself get into eras.

i wonder what high school/college ford’s blend would be like though

ford (alt)

my review on the listing says, “Now this is the sweet Ford tea I've been looking for. I steeped it for 4-5 minutes, drank it hot with cream and sugar, then drank it iced with cream and sugar, and it's about as delicious as Ford looks.”

i’m gonna level with you, i just wanted to say the phrase “as delicious as ford looks”. like it’s true i like the tea but i also wanted specifically to say it

i drank it again today (with milk and sugar, of course) and yep, i still like it. i would’ve done the whole plain tea -> tea with sugar -> tea with sugar and milk progression taste-test, but i did that thing where i microwave a bit of milk in a mug, pour the tea leaves in, and fill the rest of the mug with hot water and let it all steep. so. pretty creamy though.

the author

my original review post (my impressions of dipper and ford there are obsolete, i redid those blends since that post) 

my impression since then: while i wasn’t impressed with it initially, the more i drank of it the more i came to like it?? almost similar to how i felt abt researcher ford himself

when i brewed this in college i liked to dump the loose leaves into a mug, pour in hot water, wait ~5 min, and add in sugar and milk. i’d drink some while waiting for the shuttle, then put the rest in the fridge (i know it was still hot when i put it in the fridge and that i’m Not supposed to do that, but my fridge was basically empty in college so it’s Fine) and dash out to go to class

i’d come back from class and bam, i’ve got iced tea that’s been steeping for 4-5 hours! the flavors really settle in with the milk, the tea leaves really settle in to the bottom... perfect. drink that chilled delight up in a sweltering hot room and stay awake for the next 12 hours because i put the most coffee-ish tea into the author blend that i could find

it’s pretty much a caffeine boost, making it more like a tea that ford would drink (if for whatever reason he ran out of coffee), and less a tea that represents him

i don’t consider it an everyday tea for me because it feels a tad more dry than other teas (i attribute that to the blood orange) and that’s why i always made sure to add milk, but, drinking tea often already tends to dry me out. how do regular tea-drinking people do it

and here’s my reasoning for the teas in case you’re like “i don’t get you sovo how could these possibly fit these characters”:

dipper

passionfruit: the boy’s dedicated to solvin’ those mysteries

sour apple: dipper is sometimes a sour apple and that’s Okay

lemon grass: i can’t really explain this one except that you know how there’s that like, lemony plant stalk you’d sometimes see kids chewing in elementary school, and it’s kind of a childhood thing for me?? also it goes with the other sour tastes in this blend

blueberry: it’s in his color palette

fruit tea aspect: to match with his twin!

mabel

watermelon cooler: watermelon’s just such a fresh, pink, summery fruit! also, that mabel sweater that one time

wild strawberry: the description on the site gave off a sugary sweet dessert vibe and those are Definitely mabel vibes

spearmint: i wanted something with a brightness and glow about it-- also once in taiwan i had tea with a minty cooling effect to it and i loved that, it was perfect for hot summer weather. i’ve been searching for it forever because i remember nothing about what it looked like, just the flavor

rose petals: summer romance aesthetic

strawberry pieces: i wanted more pink, more color, and i think that’s something mabel would appreciate. also i love eating those little re-hydrated fruit pieces in tea

fruit tea aspect: to match with her twin! 

stan

rooibos caramel: stan’s heart is like a block of caramel... kinda tough when you start out, but as it warms up it gets sticky sweet and tends to wanna stick to you. i heard from the reviews on the caramel teas that the rooibos version is slightly sweeter than the black tea version, and i wanted the sweetest caramel so i went with rooibos

mambo: i heard smoky, savory, succulent, and rich and slammed that “add to blend” button

lapsang souchong: oh “smoky aroma”? oh “sweet pine flavor”? oh “sometimes gets a bad rep for being brashly smoky”? come on into this blend please

ginger: it’s kinda sharp, a little dividing, and a little too much for some people

lapsang souchong & ginger: to match with his twin!

ford

assam melody: “deep, burgundy-red”? “solid, ‘friendly’”? come be a base in this blend please

pu erh hazelberry: i knew i wanted pu erh for the earthiness, i just wasn’t sure which; i went with this one because it’s the most appealing dessert-like one of the ones i looked at, and You Know ford’s got a sweet tooth

lapsang souchong: partly to match with stan on the whole smoky pine aspect, and partly because ford shaves with fire and in fact, regularly plays with fire

cocoa nibs: it kinda complements the hazelberry & he needs a touch more than stan

ginger: similar to my reason for stan’s

lapsang souchong & ginger: to match with his twin!

the author

assam melody: provides the same character base as ford’s blend

toasted mate: i hear this is the closest you can get to coffee-levels of caffeine in a tea, and i needed that bc this is researcher ford we’re talking about

blood orange: blood splatter in the journal, anyone? splish splash

cinnamon: a dash of cinnamon goes into the cure for zombies, and also into this tea

ford (alt)

earl grey bravo: it’s a black tea base so i don’t stray too far from the original blend, a dash of grey, and a classic that always gave me a “refined” kinda vibe. i never used to think much of earl grey and took some time to come around, which is in line w my experience w ford. the citrus is almost a tie to the author blend,, blood orange becoming just orange

rooibos caramel: i needed to feed my sweet tooth and i'm pretty sure ford would support this decision

gunpowder: because gunpowder, but also because it adds a hint of smokiness that provides a similar-but-different alternative to the previous lapsang souchong. toned down and a little mellowed out, if you will.

cocoa nibs: a tie to the original blend that now complements the caramel

ginger: the ginger-and-caramel is what he shares with stan now, and i love that

the mystery shack

green rooibos key west: just west of weird, amiright??? also it’s got a bunch of summer-y fruit flavors, and the shack probably gets the majority of its business in the summer

earl grey moonlight: i was thinking about stargazing on the roof of the mystery shack and the moon turning into bill's eye, and stan working on the portal in the cover of night

pu erh dante: oh “soft earthy flavor”? “woodsy tones”?? “clean, damp forest aroma, dried mushrooms, leather and earth”??? yes thank you

orange peels: one thing i super associate w the mystery shack is all that arrow-shaped signage and all those yellow-orange question marks. so... yellow-orange bits of orange peel, acting as pops of color to guide your money outta your wallet

[nerdgasrnz]

I had a very weird and vivid dream...

the first part was I was driving(?) on the route we used to take to where my grandma used to live, and apparently, on the way there, the corner store that used to be near the highway moved down the street. In its place was some sort of bright red and yellow restaurant. I was curious about the food so I went inside and asked about it. The chef there was a big Polynesian-looking guy, and he started cooking me a plate (idek if the dream was clear about me paying or him giving me free samples)

It was some sort of spicy pineapple chicken and rice dish with peppers. I saw him put the fresh core of a pineapple in a bowl (JUST the core???) and blend it with a hand mixer a little. Then he handed it to me to mix it??? I looked confused, but he urged me to do it anyway, so i did. It wasn't difficult like I thought, and when he thought I did it enough, he poured out the bowl's contents and plated it on a dish with rectangle sections. Note that in the dream, the bowl only had the pineapple core in it, but when he poured it out, it was a FULL dish of food I haven't seen him cook. Internally, I'm like "This is some 'Spirited Away' shit"

So he gives me the okay to eat the food, and I thank him for it and start eating. Then he asks me what I see. When I finish eating each section of the plate, there's a picture underneath in blue (the plates are porcelain) It takes a while, but the blue paintings start animating on the plate??? The first square had what I can only remember resembled pisces the fish, but they looked like they were chasing each other's tails in the shape of the "cancer" symbol.

The 2nd pic animated a fire breathing dragon. I remember it actually scaring me a little. (I can only think that these pics represented the taste and feeling of the food, but IDK)

Before I continue eating the sampler plate telling him about these weird animated plate squares, he stops me and tells me to come with him on his delivery car, which is the same bright red and yellow color as the rest of his restaurant. For some reason, I agree and go with him.

[Disclaimer: In real life, I can only hope I would not actually do that. In real life, I would also hope that the ink on porcelain plates don't start animating, regardless of how cool that might be, unless I'm high af, or technology advances so we have animated porcelain]

Now for the surreal part: the focus of the dream kind of shifts off of me and onto a completely different person's life. A different woman, who looks Polynesian, Asian, or mixed heritage, just like the chef. She invites a British immigrant, working as a cashier at Walgreen's to go with her. She looks skeptical, but she agrees. (Important to note that IRL, Walgreen's sells store-brand stuff called "Nice!" which will be relevant in a sec.)

Again, a bright red and yellow delivery vehicle for the restaurant.

Somehow, they magically are already in Britain, and they go to a huge diner set on the corner of a busy intersection. (why does that keep happening?) Apparently, she reunites that lady with her mother, who looks as young as she does, for some reason. The mom is a very upbeat and social person, who seems to enjoy her job waitressing at this diner (she can wear casual clothes, doesn't wear a uniform)

The mom motions her daughter, and other restaurant lady to go with her, and sit down at a table with a Black American woman to have a meal. (The black lady isn't me, and she looks like an irl celebrity whose name I can't remember rn)

So anyways, somehow, me and the guy also appeared there, and the restaurant for some reason, was the source of the "Nice!" brand in Walgreens (not true IRL) hence the connection between the mom and daughter. We were browsing and I was looking at the candy section with weird names. "Deer antler bark" was the most notable I remember, and it looked like chocolate that had the texture of said deer antlers. (This some Harry Potter shit)

There were some British boys looking at stuff, but they needed to go to the bathroom, which they needed a hall pass for (Why???)

They took the pass for the girls room, which was the number 6 (for some reason)

I decided to go to the restroom as well, but I took the boys' pass (which was a 10- June 10th is my birthday, but again: WHY)

I saw the boy banging the girls's pass against the wall (like playing around) and I was like "trade ya" for the boys pass, which he did.

IDK what happened between then and the next part, but then, I remember there being a weirdly cinematic part where the british cashier lady started sounding more serious and confused, talking about how we're seen as lesser by the gods, and she was questioning the black lady who wasn't saying anything, she was just looking down- as in she was one of the gods???

And then across the street from the diner were Thor and Loki (as in their MCU versions???? Post-Ragnarok????) and Thor was like "uh, I think I found dad" (As in Odin????) and they both looked up and apparently Odin was like 800 ft tall, and we couldn't tell where he was bc he was standing in the ocean, hovering over everything???

And that's where my dream stopped

[peebeebitchers]

Why Ryan Ross is SUN and Brendon Urie is the MOON ™ Masterpost

Okay, so SOME people seem to have this idea that RYAN is the MOON and BRENDON IS THE SUN?????

This post is mostly for @howrydenprobablybrokeup . I have stood by this theory for years. My goal in life is to educate the masses, and to prove to everyone, that Ryan Ross is a shining ray of light and brendon urie is a beautiful moon. After some encouragement from mutuals including mostly @heymoonrydenwasreal l (as well as @chaotic-lilac-skies , @rainbowryro , @anthropormorphiccarrot and @goldenbrendonurie) I feel extremely compelled to compile my evidence into one really really fucking long post, that you will all be reading for days. Sorry. (also I apologize to @percussion-n-stuff because he doesn’t even like ryden, but he still follows me even though I flood his dash with it all day)

The important thing to pay attention to is who wrote the song and who they’re referring to. For example, if Ryan wrote a song and said “ You are as beautiful as the moon is on a summer night” (i made that up) then that would point to Brendon being the moon, but if he wrote a lyric “I understand that as the sun, I can’t shine forever” (also made up) that would point to Ryan being the sun. This would obviously be reversed if The song is written by Brendon.  These are all just theories, but that��s how I plan on framing most of this evidence.

Pretty. Odd (aka the gay weed bible)

There are a LOT of references to the sun and moon in this album as you likely know, but the majority of it points to Ryan being the sun and Brendon being the moon.

Nine in the Afternoon

This song is mostly about Drugs and being happy writing songs again overall. The only line that is remotely sun and moon theory Ryden in this song is the chorus.

“Cause it’s nine in the afternoon, 

your eyes are the size of the moon”

This line is implying both beauty and dilation. So even though that thought is weak, I feel like it works for this.

She’s a Handsome Woman

Again there isn’t a lot of sun and moon theory evidence in this song at all. While this isn’t very sun and moon theory, I feel like it should be mentioned and does have a very weak bit of evidence in it. The only thing I could think of was this:

“Jealous orchard,

The sky is falling off the ceiling

While I’m tucking fibs into a cookie Jar”

So, “Jealous orchard” is about how one of them is jealous (Brendon probably  bc Ryan was with Keltie at this point I believe)

“The sky is falling off the ceiling” means that the sky (i.e. sun and moon) is going to be used for a different purpose. Seeing as this is one of the first tracks on the album, it could be warning fans about all of the metaphors and allusions to sun and moon that will be in the album.

“While I’m tucking fibs into a cookie Jar” also about Jealousy.

Do You know What I’m seeing?

Very little sun and moon theory evidence. Though a lot of the song is about the sky, weather etc. which goes with sun and moon there isn’t much supporting either side of the argument. I’m still going to talk about one repeated verse though.

“I know it’s mad, but If I go to hell

will you come with me or just leave?

I know it’s mad, but if the world were ending

Would you kiss me or just leave me?

Just leave me?”

This is ryan asking brendon if he’s committed to the relationship

“If I go to hell” contributes to “Ryan is the sun” idea. The sun is hot, hell is hot etc. 

I Have Friends in Holy Spaces (Written by Brendon)

The first substantial sun and moon evidence and very solid at that. I have to set this up a little so that the actual evidence will make the most sense. This song is pretty clearly about the singer/ writer (Brendon) talking to/about a new love (Ryan)

“You remind me of a few of my famous friends

Well, that all depends what you qualify as friends”

I mean...it’s pretty obvious. (*cough* friends with benefits *cough*)

“Take a chance take your shoes off, dance in the rain

And I was flashing around the news spread all over town

I’m not complaining that it’s raining, I’m just saying

that I like it a lot”

People shipping ryden

“The rain” represents people sort of being on their case about Ryden, abd Brendon is saying “I don’t really care, you shouldn’t either, just dance in the rain”

“If the sun would come out and

sing with me”

Brendon not only wrote, but also sings this song. The next song is Northern Downpour in which ryan sings a lot

Brendon is asking ryan to sing with him so he does!

Sorry, I’m not crying, I just go something in my eye

Northern Downpour (By George Ryan Ross III)

How do I even set this one up??? I apologize if I get so many tears on the screen that my computer breaks and I have to stop this post. Again sorry.

There actually isn’t a shit ton of sun/moon theory here ( ots of seattle lore though if you want to know about that go here)

“Hey moon please forget to fall down

“Hey moon don’t you go down”

Tensions were high in the band when this song was written

“Hey brendon don’t leave me”

“I care a lot about you Brendon”

When the Day Met the Night aka the song that inspired sun/moon theory (Written by Ryan)

WOWZA there is soooo much to talk about in this song. Let’s just get into it.

“When the moon found the sun

All was golden in the sky”

When Brendon  and Ryan met, all was good.

“When the sun found the moon

She was drinking tea in her garden”

When Ryan (the sun) met Brendon (the moon) he was chill. Just drinking his tea. C A S U A L

“When the moon found the sun,

he looked like he was barely hanging on

But her eyes saved his life”

When brendon (the moon) met ryan (the sun) he was having a hard tim, but Brendon’s love/looks (“her eyes”) helped him get through it

Brendon saved Ryan

i’m not crying, you are.

“So he said ‘would it be all right

If we just sat and talked for a little while

If in exchange for your time

I gave you this smile?”

Ryan asked Brendon to go out?? With him/be with him for a little while

In return Ryan would be happy (aka “the smile” have you seen that boys smile of course Brendon agreed)

“So she said ‘That’s OK

As long as you can make me a promise

Not to break my little heart,

Or leave me all alone in the summer’

Brendon basically told Ryan, “I’ll be with/date you if you promise to not break my heart” and so yeah

I’m crying because Of what happened after this song. AGH

I’m sorry guys

“Well he was just hanging around

and then he fell in love

And he didn’t know how

But he couldn’t get out”

Ryan was just doing his thing

And then he met Brendon and was like “wtf, this d00d is hawt af”

And he was kinda caught off guard

Overall, the song talks more about the sun and how the sun is feeling than the moon, which points to the fact that Ryan is the sun. Ryan wouldn’t be able to write from Brendon’s point of view. gUYS RYAN IS THE SUN!!!???

She Had the World

You can’t really follow up When The Day Met the Night with anything, because no song will have that much good old evidence as that song, but I can still try.

“Because when I look in her eyes

I just see the sky

When I look in her eyes

Well I, just see the sky”

Written by ryan

Very @brendon

The moon is in the sky

(yes I’m aware this could also work for Brendon being the sun)

And that’s all for Pretty. Odd Folks. Remember to always smoke weed with your lovers, reinvent love and if you’re going then to go go gooo.

Vices and Virtues Main tracks (aka, I’m bitter af Ryan why’d you hurt meh lik tis?!!?!??)

Wow this album is salty AF. oh boi. You can just taste the bitter in brendon’s voice. Obviously all of this is written by brendon so that

The Ballad of Mona Lisa

“Say what you mean

Tell me I’m right

Let the sun rain down on me”

Brendon is saying “stop lying

You know that i’m the one that’s right in this situation

Let Ryan (the sun) come back

Memories

“When July became december

their affection fought the cold

And they couldn’t quite remember

what inspired them to go”

“When July became December” when it became winter. The sun often doesn’t come out as much or in some places goes away entirely during winter. Ryan (the sun) left the band.

“Their affection fought the cold” supports this

“They” is both Ryan and Brendon, but especially brendon seeing as he wrote the song

Trade Mistakes

“May I never sleep tonight as long

As you’re still burning bright

If I could trade mistakes for sheep

Count me away before you sleep”

I won’t be able to rest as long as you’re still in my mind

What burns bright? The sUN

I made a lot of mistakes, and I won’t be able to sleep until I get them off my chest.

“Burning Bright” could be refering to success or being angry/upset/having unfinished business with brendon

Could this one be more obvious??

Always

This one could go either way, but I’m still gonna talk about it because I feel like It works better for brendon-is-the-moon-theory.

“I’m the light blinking at the end of the road

Blink back to let me know

(it was always you)”

The moon is a light in the dark

A light at the end of the tunnel if you will

He’s saying he’ll get back together if that’s what Ryan wants

Brendon was so not subtle with this album oh my god. This song is literally about a failed romance. This whole album is about a failed romance boi.

The Calendar

This song is confirmed to be about the split, and oh boy, is it ryden. Ryden af.          Oh     my      god.

“Summer’s on its death bed”

Pretty. Odd era is over

Sun has gone away

“At night your body is a symphony

“And I’m conducting”

Night -- the moon

Obviously referring to sex

yeah

Sarah Smiles

Now you might be reading this, and thinking....bitch??? This is the song Brendon wrote for Sarah??? What do you mean? The thing is this song is actually very ryden and if you’re curious as to why, please send me an ask and I will make another post detailing that.

“I’m just a guy living on my own

Waitin’ for the sky to fall

Then you go and change it all, though”

I was all alone, waiting for the sky (the sun/ryan) to fall (come back to me)

Then you go and change it all (Sarah came ‘round and was like yo) and so she changed the plans

Vices and Virtues Bonus Tracks (aka the saltiest of Brendon’s discography)

Stall Me

Oh boy. This is possibly the most sun and moon theory thing oh oi.

“Why would you bring me in

If you knew what you'd become

So curse everyone and everything,

even the sun”

Do I even have to explain?

Why would ryan let him in the band  if he knew he was eventually going to leave?? Fuck him (the sun)

What would brendon be referring to?

What other situation did someone let him into something and then become something else?

Why are you cursing the sun Brendon?

Because the sun is George Ryan Ross III ™

Turn Off the Lights

“Turn off the lights, turn off the lights

Turn on a show for me tonight

...

So shoot a star on the boulevard tonight

I think I’ll figure it out with a little more time

...

Turn off the lights

Turn on the charm for me tonight”

Get rid of the sun (RYAN)

“Shoot a star...tonight ” look for someone new, tonight, with out the sun.

“Turn off the lights” get rid of the sun “turn on the charm for me tonight” turn on the charm, look for someone new etc.

Bittersweet

“All that hate is gonna burn you up

It keeps me warm at night”

So he’s dissing ryan

What’s hot? The sun.

It keeps me warm at night--reference to romance

Wow, brendon you’re so subtle

That’s all for Vices and Virtues, remember that Brendon is a salty vampire and to not break his heart.

Death of a Bachelor (aka Frank sinatra is sucking my dick behind a nightclub Ryan I miss you please come back, I’m crying)

Death of a Bachelor

“Do I look lonely?

I see the shadows on my face”

Yes you look lonely brendon

You did lose weight, the weight of 5 bandmembers

The shadows on your face are from not having the sun around anymore.

yeah

Crazy=Genius

“You can set yourself on fire

But you’re never gonna burn burn burn”

@ryan

What burns?

The sun

Golden Days

“Oh, don’t you wonder when the light begins to fade?

And the clock just makes the colors turn to grey

Forever younger growing older just the same

All the memories that we make will never change”

“The light” the sun has gone away

I feel the same as I did before but now everything is different

Impossible Year

This song was written during Vices era and oh my gosh

“There’s no sunshine, this impossible year

Only black days

And sky gray

And clouds full of fear

Storms full of sorrow

That won’t disappear

Just typhoon and monsoons

...there’s no you and me

This impossible year”

No sunshine??

Who’s gone now?

There’s no you and me???

gUYS

Ryan is the sun ™ confirmed

Wow

Brendon

Tone it the fuck down

Subtle much?

The end of Death of a Bachelor, (Ryan pls come back)

Ryan’s Solo Album (aka, I’m sad and miss you brendon, so I’m gonna make you feel bad by making the best ™ music)

Lonely Moonlight

I am aware that his could be construed either as brendon the sun or the moon. Considering though,that it's really weird to write a song in 3rd person about how lonely you are. I feel like lonely moonlight is highkey about how they’re both lonely without each other.

“The sun went down

Over my head

Another day lost

Filled with regret”

The days when he was with brendon, when he was the sun, are over and now he feels regretful

“I wandered through the sunshine,

remembering when you were mine

Lonely moonlight, lonely moonlight

When i had a younger heart

You told me not to fear the dark”

He’s reminiscent of his days as the sun, with the moon

They’re both lonely now (especially brendon bc he doesn’t

When I was younger ( in the band) you helped me feel less insecure about myself.

What brings light in the dark? The moon. He’s talking to Brendon.

This song could go either way, but seeing as it is just a lot of “lonely moonlight”’s repeated over and over again, I feel like it works pretty well for this side of the theory. Paired with all of the other evidence, it works better this way.

Where I belong

This can also go the other way with a stretch, but it works so much better like this.

“If you wanna see the sun

You’re gonna have to dig your way out

This war ain’t gonna fix itself”

He’s talking to brendon

He needs to make amends (“fix the war”) with ryan/ “see the sun”

“The glitter is gone

I’m done with the dark

I know I’ve been wrong”

Referencing fever era

What lights up the dark? The MOON. he could also be talking about how he’s tired of not being the sun anymore

He’s admitting he did something wrong

At Your Window

“I might have lost control

“It’s been dark since the sun came up”

I’ve felt lost since I found myself again?

He’s letting go of the old days, so he’s coming out of the dark, and doesn’t feel in the dark anymore. He’s the sun again, but in a different way

“Through the sun, I see where I come from”

He came from the sUN

???? I mean?? How do you not get it??

He’s the sUN

“At your window in the night”

What’s out in the night? The sun?

Whose window is he at? brENDON’s

Yes I know this last one is pretty stupid.

Bonus: Home Recordings (Jon Fucking Walker) (aka Fuck, I’m actually a really good solo musician, I shoulda been doing this the whole time)

Sun and Moon

“What’s the point of holding on

If the two of you just don’t belong

...

“I don’t wanna shout

I don’t need the sun and the moon

To tell me what to do”

Wow Jon, okay. You coulda been a little calm. I mean geez, does no one in this band understand subtlety? And privacy. Oh my godsh.

He’s basically making peace with the fact that the band broke up

He’s being a chill little hippie

“I don’t wanna shout” me either Jon, you unproblematic fave.

Other Important Evidence that isn’t Lyrical

Brendon used to call Ryan a Golden God

Ryan Ross is beautiful ray of SUNshine? How could he be the mOON?

The story of Sun and Moon: The sun is a constant light. It’s always bright etc. To Brendon, this is what Ryan was. A constant Ray of light and happiness. (I mean Ryan is that for me too, so I don’t blame Brendon.) On the other hand, when the sun and moon thing began, Ryan was in a difficult time. His dad had just died/was dying, and he was in the middle of tour. You can imagine how hard that is for someone. For Ryan, Brendon was like a light in the dark...you know like the moon is? Yeah.

Ryan also wrote a lot of the music for the band, (produced the light) and Brendon sang it for him (reflected the light) which is how the sun and moon are.

In conclusion, whether you agree with me or not I’m right. (Just kidding, if you disagree feel free to message me, or send an ask or reblog. I don’t really care either way) Ryan is the sun, Brendon is the moon and those are my final thoughts.