#not only that but it contributes to the Vibe of how traumatising this is for both the career kiddos and the non-careers

[cloverskentwells]

the careers should have been covered in blood and dirt and grime btw and been extremely messy. also, even the non-killing tributes like thresh or foxface. because there is no way you stick teenagers in a forest with no access to hygiene facilities (restrooms, showers etc) and have them killing each other and then they're just squeaky clean and not a hair out of place. it does not make a lick of sense

[just-1other-nerd]

Okay, so I watched the pilot of The Amazing Digital Circus now that I've found out that it's a YouTube show which means I have access to it in my country. And boy, I've got some things to say:

Great voice acting and great casting especially for Pomni, Jax and Ragatha

I love and hate the visuals, I hate, that it looks so much like plastic, so smooth and textureless and so many contrasting and shrieking colours because I don't like looking at something like that (Idk it's kinda too much and not enough at the same time). But I love it because I'd say that's clearly the vibe they were going for, it really works for the story. It is supposed to look fake, over the top and like plastic to mimic children's toys. It's also supposed to give you the ick and overstimulate you because our main character is overwhelmed and doesn't feel save in this environment because Pomni clearly isn't save. But just as the character, the viewer will eventually adapt to this world.

The animation is really good, even though the characters have limited facial expressions due to being toy-like (for example can't really do many microexpressions with your nose if it's just a triangle) but that also means you can go for more cartoonish expressions which are animated very well and contribute to the overall surreal vibe. I think in this sense it reminds me of Toy Story.

I really like the character design, it's expressive, colourful and off-putting, some characters are more abstract than others, some more like toys. All of them seem fun at first but then you remember that those are human souls trapped in those bodys which they didn't even choose. On that note I got to say how perfidious it is that the new character in the circus is a harlequin/joker/jester when the one that they get rid of is a clown, you know, like a replacement. Each character has unique physical strenghs and weaknesses and I'm curious how the creators are gonna play with that. Nothing really fits together just like in a kid's toy chest.

I love the writing. It's only the "pilot" and yet they already set up so many things (like that computer and that "C&A" logo) and make you ask so many questions and they get you invested in the mystery element of everything, kinda reminds me of Gravity Falls. They clearly already have a vision in mind and know where they want to go. Given that they are indepentent it makes sense that their pilot is different than TV show pilots which are there to show to producers etc. so that they can decide whether to invest in them or not, like compared to the ATLA pilot this isn't a random episode but the beginning of a story. It's a good set up for most of the characters: Caine as the insane game master, Bubbles as their assistent who's not good at their job, Pomni as the new one through which we get to experience the psychological horror of being stuck in a digital world, Jax as the sarcastic jerk, Ragatha as the sympathetic and empathetic one who helps making things easier for Pomni, Kinger as the crazy old one, Zooble as the done-with-it-all one and Gangle as the shy and emotional one. I really hope we explore the last three a bit more in future episodes. They have really good jokes which help create the vibe by enhancing the dissonance between the childish setting and design but very mature and disturbing premise by making the humor mature and the horrifying concept funny which it really shouldn't be. And that kinda fucks with you once you realise that you are suddenly laughing at this very traumatising thing which plays dress-up as something fun. Everything is very kafkaesque (had to read "Der Verschollene" in school so we talked extensively about what that means) in the sense of the main character and we as observers don't know what the fuck is going on and how this world works and feel helpless and trapped in those structures which we can't understand because they're not meant to be understood. But it differs from Kafka's work because the main character hasn't got the personality of an empty slice of toast and it isn't just misery, as I said there is humor and it isn't dreary but colourful. The concept is well established as well, we're going to have little quests and adventures each episode while the overarcing plot is that the characters try to find out what's even going on and how they can escape. The world building is good, like they set up future locations, characters that aren't humans but you're not sure if they are some of the aforementioned NPCs (sun and moon), the void as a concept. But they leave enough unexplained to explore it in future episodes

Now the questions I have: Who or what created that digital world, how much authority does Caine really have, why is nobody allowed in the void, how does the weird headset trap you in this world, how long have the others been there, who are the other abstracted humans, what's going to happen with them, why all of this, where the fuck was that café where Caine and Bubbles chilled, did he really not know what was going on with Kaufmo (you know because he has all those eyes which supposedly watch all of them), for whom are they performing that theme song, why can't they remember anything about themselves except how they got to this world and that they shouldn't be there, what's with that computer, what was going on between Caine and the moon, what was that dial-up 3.40 minutes in, what's with the exit door because I don't believe for a second that he was trying to make this a gift for them, what does "C&A" mean, does the C stand for Caine, who choses the avatar of the humans? And most importantly: How will they escape?

[dresden-syndrome]

Greetings comrade!

I wanted to ask you, is there anything particular that you're not comfortable seeing regarding EESU fanworks? Writings or drawings.

I often do dubcon/noncon (especially noncon touching). Drugging, forcing whumpee to hurt others etc. I make sure it doesnt break whumpee too much. I like to draw/write sexualy explicit or straight up nsfw works.

I love your work and would love to contribute with some fic or fanart. I acknowledge that some things I like are not for everyone so I'd like to know your boundaries before I do something. Last thing I'd want is to traumatise my favourite writer or ruin your passion for the characters.

On the other hand. What are stuff you'd like to see?

I sincerely love your work, Its pretty rare to military work, especially for eastern block. I like the dynamic between Radim and Gunther.

Glory to the EESU.

☭

-signed [ REDACTED ]

------------------------------

No human rights violations have occured during typing of this message.

its not human rights violation if they arent human anymore

Hello comrade! Glory to the Supreme Commander!

First can I just say how happy am I to hear that?? You literally made my day!! I just can't believe it can happen!!!✨

Second, what I'm not comfortable with - male whumper/female whumpee (AND vice versa), noncon body modification, social rejection (yeah, sounds weird given that struggling with an ideologically brainwashed society makes a solid part of totalitarian whump) and anything close to bodily waste.

As for noncon (and dubcon), it's literally one of my most beloved whump tropes ever BUT this is SFW only blog so I'd love that but none of it will end up reblogged here. Drugging, breaking the boys (especially class 4 ones) - why not? Broken enemies make for compliant subjects, ready to do their part in the state's progress. (Not to mention they're also really cute to look at).

What I'd like to see? Honestly I don't know what I'd like more, not just because I'm already SO happy to see people wanting to do anything with that little shithole dictatorship of mine🥰 well, usual detention/sentence/designation struggles? with the prettiest whumpee boys? in absolute totalitarian state vibe?

The good news is, they don't even have to be my boys (tho it'd be really great to see any of them remembered)! EESU is not a background for my character stories. It's an open world I throw the prettiest OCs in for a well earned (shouldn't have been so cute and whumpable) fate. Anyone's welcome to try that too! This totalitarian meat grinder needs more pretty state enemy boys after all😄

And yeah, Erhardt and Radím my beloved. They're the best.💖

[fallingforfandoms]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @all-my-worlds-a-stage (and sorry for only getting back to you so late, but, you know, ideas had to be dwelled upon, etc etc etc)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14 - could have been less if I had been a a more responsible human being with more impulse control, could be more if I wasn't such a goddamn perfectionist, sigh.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

332,695 (because my projects usually escalate way too quickly, sorry not sorry)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Officially, Tatort - Tatort Ludwigshafen to be specific. Currently peering over the edge for Münster and Wien. And I had a huge obsession with the MCU and The Witcher and Sherlock before, and still have half a novel based on The Night Manager up on my drive somewhere. And then there was also that missing scene from House of Cards that started it all on AO3 (but it's buried beneath a bunch of Lena Odenthal content now, thankfully).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sonne, See und Sterne: The summer holiday fanfic that I wrote throughout December and January (... sounds pretty normal imo) for Lena Odenthal and Johanna Stern and that I still like to read from time to time to dive back into that vibe :')

A Scarred Sunrise: My debut fanfic on ao3, the infamous House of Cards oneshot that probably only got this many kudos because it's not part of a German niche fandom :'D

The Hand Is a Servant of the Heart: The very first Lena/Johanna fic that I published, yet another missing/adapted scene from canon (aka from one of the more traumatising Ludwigshafen episodes that needed some sort of ... band-aid to be fixed, lol).

Das Nest: My very first fluff & smut Lena/Johanna fic that didn't fall into the abyss of trauma and tragedy but instead escalated into a Love Actually rip-off by the end (and I still adore it for that).

Liens de cuir et mains de soie: A dom/sub/switching kinda character study/crossover between Lena Odenthal and Esther Baumann set mostly in France, inspired by the lovely but lowkey deranged idea by @disappointingsalad at the start and improved by her very own contribution at the end - thank you so much! :)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, because I love each and every one of them from the bottom of my heart!!! <3 (Also, the only reason that it takes long-ish for me to reply to some of them is that I cannot stop grinning and jumping up and down out of pure joy every single time I re-read them to reply properly, so, sorry not sorry, but you people make my day with those and I save them in an extra outlook folder because of that <3)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Since I'm usually rather fond of happy endings, I tend to resolve most of the tension. "Zerrissene Fäden" would be a possible candidate though. Maybe also "I've Come To Burn Your Kingdom Down" or "A Scarred Sunrise". Because of the uncertainty that still simmers through towards the end, but idk.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, since I'm a sucker for happy endings, they're all quite happy so far. But the happiest ... huh. Maybe "Das Nest". Or "Sonne, See und Sterne". Or "Liens de cuir et mains de soie". I can't decide on this either, apparently, oops :'D

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no. But that's one of the few advantages of a small German fandom without great shipping wars, I suppose :'D

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Yes. Been there, done that, many kinds of that, in fact. Anything from the sweet vanilla kind (looking at all those 'found family' tropes) over the fast and messy ONS kind to the dom/sub-themed and/or throuple 'well that escalated quickly' kind. Each has its own perks. And its challenges (looking at the classic wlw problem of overusing "she" etc). But I still love delving into those headcanons on a regular (and mildly irresponsible) basis ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I wouldn't call it far-fetched since both fandoms are Tatort-related, but the sub/dom-themed Ludwigshafen/Saarbrücken crossover up on ao3 is definitely ... some kind of crazy. And then there are also all those Wien / Münster / Bremen ideas which haven't quite left the nest that @all-my-worlds-a-stage and I have so far built for them. Look forward to those ;) Also, in non-Tatort terms, there was this one Geralt/Loki fanfic I started years ago but I'm ... not even sure I'd find that cursed document again at present :'D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'd know of it (niche fandoms strikes again).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope (niche fandoms strikes again).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, with @disappointingsalad. And I'm currently working on some other ideas that require more than my last two braincells, in this case with the help of @all-my-worlds-a-stage ;)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Given my ao3 history, the case seems pretty clear - definitely Lena Odenthal/Johanna Stern. Honorable mentions go out to Sherlock/John, Geralt/Jaskier and Jamie/Brienne. And to Wilhelmine Klemm as well, because whoever she ends up with is so goddamn lucky to have her (and I'm here for each and everyone of them).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh God. Most of them, I suppose, given the lethal combination of adhd and perfectionism that rule my brain? :'D But the first thing that came to mind was the band AU I started a couple of months ago. Because the movie playing in my mind just at the thought of it is already so perfect and I don't have any idea how to get all of those scenes written down in exactly that way.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably dialogue? The amount of raw dialogue I've written as a kick-off for some vague idea is ... quite telling. In many ways.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Introspection. Whenever it comes to the thoughts of characters, my own mind is just ... blank. No idea what they could be feeling or thinking in this very moment, or rather, no idea how to phrase it without putting it into dialogue. Yeah, I know, just what a non-TV writer needs to work properly :'D

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Been there, done that, probably wouldn't do it again, at least not in the way I did it then.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Officially, House of Cards. Unofficially, probably Sherlock? Or the MCU? That was ... ages ago though.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

You CANNOT ask a mother which of her children she- well. Wait a minute. I think I'll throw "Von Schwertglanz und Schattengewächsen" in there, the medieval Tatort Ludwigshafen AU I started this February. Because this is such a long-ass project that has accompanied me through some pretty ... interesting months and I worked so many inspirations and easter eggs into it. And I'm continuing to do that now, in this very moment, because I watched a very gruesome Tatort Wien episode (thx for the rec @carlomainzinger ;_;) that had just the right amount of protective & soft found family vibes and raw & unfiltered force to thwart me back into this setting (not as hard as Bibi was thwarted around her own flat though, uargh). So, yeah, uh, look forward to that, the wait might be over soon ;)

Well. That was fun. Throwing this over to @carlomainzinger @mordsfesch @krejong @rheingoldweg12a @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare @disappointingsalad @karin-in-action @khalaris @cornchrunchie and literally anyone else who wants to join in, no pressure though!

[xenonmoon]

Ok this is a part I've completely forgotten from when I've read this comic the first time

Wait, is this a flashback that fills in when they mentioned during the 2006 era (surely one of the Hulk crossovers from around that time) in which he mentions having been to a psych?

Here:

Why am I trying to identify some resemblance of continuity into a marvel comic series

Huh?

So Marc was convinced he """"caught"""" DID while assuming the roles of Steven and Jake and he asked to be tested.

Let's not forget: This was how the character was first written to be, inspired by a real life case of a (what back then was known as MPD) patient, but inspired only. It was mainly a story of a deeply traumatised man who got heavily "lost in character" trying to run away from his past and guilt. It got the vibes, but it was meant to be a different thing. Different times and all of that.

With time, two versions of his condition emerged: one that leant more into the "his other identities are characters he impersonates / he's convinced to be" reading more heavily, and one that leant more into "The others are separate entities with some degree of autonomy"

They are both different readings of the same concept, which were used by different writers in different degrees depending on their interpretation of the character and the story they wanted to tell.

Moench always tried to play on the ambiguity of it and anyone (characters and readers alike) could interpret it in their own way.

Dixon and Huston, just to name some, went more with the 1st while Steven Grant (the writer) is the holy prophet of the 2nd during the early days (he's the one who established it as a proper reading after all).

However, the second reading seemed to have sort of disappeared after a while. Sort of like, during the late 80s till the 90s talking about someone with potential MH issues was apparently not cool? Most writers seemed to have completely forgotten about that.

Then the turn of the century happened and suddenly talking about MH was cool. But apparently everyone forgot which particular brand of MH struggles the character had so people sort of made up their own?

Or just fucking slapped some cheap pop psychology shit like "borderline psychotic" "psychopath" or "multiple personality disordered" or stuff like that. Throwaway labels that were in no way reflected by the plot. Ok the last one almost ALMOST got it and really stuck with the character (despite the alleged "personalities" almost never appearing or being treated as aliases) but-

There's one problem though. Even if he was confirmed to have That Specific Disorder (which is, in our civilised terms, DID), there'd be one problem.

It's a real disorder with real diagnostic criteria and real people living with it. The character wasn't written to fit said criteria and work exactly like one, only to show similarities on a surface level.

Trying to claim something that isn't made to be X is X shows both poor understanding of the X thing and poor respect for people living with X, or even worse contribute diffusing harmful stereotypes about the X thing. Classic rep gambit, for this reason most of the times I think it's better leaving it unmentioned unless you know what you're doing.

Well that's dramatic

(I omitted a part because it's funnier in its separate post)

That's... one way to do it? It's very conservative of what was said in the previous runs connecting them all without overriding anything significant. And gives it a supernatural (? sci-fi?) origin (brain got rewritten by an entity), so to distance itself from any real world connections (outside of its resulting behaviour)

Clever in its own way, as it's a solid attempt to bring order to chaos while being respectful to previous works.

I'm not sure I like it. Most likely not, as it shift from an internal, mental struggle to an external and more "physical" cause that can be "removed" by eliminating the agent responsible for it (in this case, the ancient consciousness from beyond space-time). MK's condition is no more something that stems from him but that was "done" to him, something that somewhat reminds me of when they thought MPD was iatrogenic and didn't actually exist?

But it's not really really that eloquent on how much exactly is Khonshu's fault and how much stems from MK trying to manage their condition. And how much of all of that is a permanent change.

While I really dislike the "because it's crazy" introduction it sort of serves ad a bridge from the previous era of the character (in which everyone labelled as such without motive, as I've said) so it can be properly dismantled and disposed of as the character slowly transitions to a new "era".

I can respect the attempt, while not exactly fond of it

[brzatto]

i love f1 i grew up with that dumb silly sport if i didn't limit myself on how many fics im writing i would've been thrown into one by now so im trying to be normal and finish what i have. i always get into rarepairs and write for them but im contributing to the problem too by not posting and staring at my google docs hoping it just finishes itself. whats worse is that carmrich is such a good ship there is so much packed into both their characters that goes together and fits into so many aus i hate their repressed traumatised asses so much (affectionate)

the only knowledge i had about f1 prior to this was basically just being aware of its existence and originally i just thought it’d be hot if carmy were a racecar driver but in his same sad obliviously sexy tormented way plus the basis of his character translates very well into f1verse (growing up with racing instead of cooking and developing his passion for it through mikey, losing mikey to a racing accident and therefore dedicating himself to going pro in mikey’s honor, his one track minded ambition, his passion, his drive, his competitiveness, starting out super young and very quickly being able to accelerate to the top etc etc; these things all make way more sense for him as a racer than as a chef tbh because i’m still trying to figure out when he had time to complete culinary school and establish himself in fine dining before being named food&wine’s best new chef at 21) but then as i started learning more and more about the sport all the pieces just continued to fall into place. in my au sydney is also a racer and her and carmy definitely have a vicious unspoken rivalry going on like everything about their canon relationship meshes so well with the au it’s a little nutty (also richie is carmy’s race engineer LMFAO.) i think my original vision for the au was generally pretty lighthearted but as i started actually writing it it started becoming weirdly angsty? it’s always complicated putting carmrich in aus because the foundation of their dynamic carries over and they’re just two dysfunctional painful men no matter how you look at them. i’ve imagined them in way too many aus to count (f1, pacrim, thg, stargate atlantis, avatar but like the blue people, old western but think more like brokeback mountain vibes rather than your average spaghetti western, etc etc you get the idea) and a lot of them are a little outlandish and suuuper detached from canon but that’s what fanfiction is for that’s what makes it fun!!! especially for a fandom like the bear where most if not all the fic content is still kept pretty close within the limits of the canon universe and doesn’t really stray too far from the canon setting + a ship like carmrich which is already rare and has very little fan content to its name i think we def need more silly little aus that explore their dynamic in new ways apart from canon while keeping the basis of their characters the same. their dynamic is sooo good and layered and deliciously complex whether you interpret them as romantic or not they always deserve to be explored more methinks

it’s also always interesting hearing about what other people’s writing processes are like because for me i can’t ever limit myself to only working on a handful of fics at once because all my ideas/aus come to me in maladaptive daydreams where i literally write out paragraphs word for word in my head so i HAVE to put them down or else i’ll lose them forever. i think people who commit themselves to just one fic/a certain number of fics at a time are super impressive but unfortunately i will always be cursed to cycling between 50 different google docs and creating new ones on a whim each time anything remotely new pops into my head. props to you

[perceabeth]

annabeth felt like she wasnt wanted even when she was bc her dad was getting a new wife and some more kids? idk its pretty accurate to how kids feel when that stuff happens. it complements her character in a way that i actually REALLY like? its like shes stubborn and believes shes right and she IS smart but that doesnt mean she cant be wrong or eventually open u to others perspectives. and idk if my kid said they were being bit by spiders and there were never any spiders or bite marks i would think they were making it up? not in a negative way but just in a way that kids OFTEN do. sorry but kids do make stuff up and all you can do is listen to them. it doesnt make someone neglectful for listening and still just not believing someone.

even wayyy back in titans curse it shows that annabeth feeling unwanted was more of a misinterpretation or miscommunication than any actual hostility. her dads kinda an idiot ngl but athena randomly stuck some absent minded professor type who was obsessed with his work with a kid? i dont think he even did anything to contribute to annabeths existence so this is one of the few times where pregnancy isnt the least bit the guys responsibility and he just wasnt prepared for it. idk as usual way more than the humans it comes down to the godly parents being terrible

and when did they leave her for dead? she ran off and ended up at camp half blood. tbh literally the safest place for her if shes being hunted by monsters? and what are they supposed to do, drag annabeth kicking and screaming to a place she doesnt want to be? thats technically more dangerous for her? just for her to run away and end up dead the next time? all they can do is let her know shes welcome whenever she wants, which they do?

idk i think i kinda vibe with percy cuz my household was seriously unstable and volatile growing up, while in annabeths case it seems miscommunication and annabeth not realizing what she had? that doesnt make her stupid or bad, just fallible and... a literal child? children often arent appreciative that doesnt mean they're brats or spoiled or ungrateful, it means theyre kids.

sometimes when u do things like this, just. stop and think to urself: am i reading a post to find a way to argue, or am i, in fact, interested in what OP is saying ? if u are not interested, just stop reading !

no, actually, i would say u are wrong !

first of all, she was seven years old when she decided to run away. do u know how many seven year old kids try to run away from home? just about everyone. if ur child runs away, it is ur responsibility to look for her lol. u can't go 'aw no she's gone? ok whats for breakfast x' babes that's insanity. besides, she must have been on the news all the time considering she was traveling with Thalia, and we all know how much press coverage Percy got based on how much trouble he attracted as a child of the big three- Thalia's mum was dead, Luke's mum was driven mad. What excuse do the Chases have for never coming looking?

she was seven and a demigod, a fact both frederick chase and his wife were fully aware of :) another thing they were BOTH aware of: the existence of this camp for kids like her. Why, my love, do u think it's normal for them to not only let her run away, but also not even consider for ONE secnd making the trip up to Long Island to drop her off so at least they'd know she was safe? A child is, whether u like it or not, a parent's responsibility, actually, and Annabeth got dealt a shit hand.

ok, they didn't see the spiders, but they did see the webs, did they not? usually when a child is traumatised and begging for help, u don't ignore it because that's how children are- u ask them to describe their experiences, and if it does persist, it's cause to have them checked out, actually! ur thinking of imaginary friends and a child's inability to make out fiction from reality- but in this case, it is actual trauma. just bc they're children does not mean u can dismiss their fears and thoughts!! refusing to care for a child's mental health or seeking treatment for it is, in fact, a form of child neglect which is child abuse.

her stepmother made her feel like she was putting her children in danger- that is not something that a seven year old concocts in her own mind. she was still learning how to join her letters or what a fraction was, she was incredibly young lol. she ran away from home and literally would have rather starved or gotten eaten by monsters than return. that's how unwelcome she felt in her own home- whether or not that's how the parents felt as well, it was their responsibility to keep her safe, to bring her back and assure her that she had a place with them- not when she's fourteen and missing and possibly on the brink of death, but when she's seven and tries to sneak out of the house. furthermore, it should never have been Annabeth reaching out to them twice after she ran away to amend things. Frederick should have been on his knees at Camp begging for her to give him a second chance he was a grown man who destroyed a child? And after ALL of that, he wanted to move her to San Francisco, where he knew was far too dangerous for a girl like her. He repeatedly chose just about anything over her. Risking a child's safety? abuse, baby!

and this argument is probably the worst defence of Frederick and I see it so often it's ridiculous. YES, I understand that he didn't do anything that would warrant a child. I GET that- but he had options, did he not? He could have dropped her off at CHB, given her up for adoption, have someone in his massive family care for her? Are you telling me that if handed a baby that u don't want, you would just leave it on the pavement and go about ur day? that isn't an excuse lmao a baby has done NOTHING to hurt u why would u punish it?? that is the single most terrible excuse i'm so sorry i know i'm being extremely nasty to u but unfortunately u are just. one of the thousand people coming to me like this and my patience has worn thin. this rly isn't personal i promise lol

You vibe with Percy, that's cool but just because his home was one form of godawful does not mean Annabeth was privileged to be born into her family. the thing is, it doesn't seem at all like miscommunication- but it's written off as miscommunication. that's where the issue lies. Because her storyline is far worse and Percy's narrative dismisses it because he had it rougher. through the course of the books, Annabeth has a lot of personal biases and she learns to undo them. She's wrong a lot, emotional, hurt, stubborn, as u said- but based on textual evidence and extrapolation, this was not the same case :) obviously, u are welcome to walk away from this thinking i'm wrong, and that's fine, but please don't send me another message lol i'm not gna sit here justifying what feels quite obvious to me in the books!

[lionowlonao3]

i actually meant to go into more detail on this on monday evening but i still haven’t got round to making the post. i’ve already said all of this to @pixiedane in a bunch of messages but i just needed to tidy it all up. (to be clear, as i am writing this post i have not yet seen 1.06 “lethe”)

the two of them had such instant chemistry; for the most part, lorca’s such a cold, calculating and detached arsehole, but i got another, different vibe off him in “choose your pain”

part of what contributed to my thoughts on the matter: this gif (source)

the fact that someone rushed towards them when they got beamed onto discovery and lorca put a hand out to stop them, which i interpreted like “no i’ll handle this i know he’s v traumatised rn i’ll look after him” which yeah i could be misreading it but so far i’ve not got another explanation, and also he’s got a hand on his shoulder as well and just…

(as some of you may know, it is my headcanon that michael and lorca “got together” pretty much straight away after she joined the discovery, because they’re not really together, they’re just using each other for sex if they wanted it and keeping the walls up; at this point i don’t hc that they will ever develop actual feelings or love for each other and over time their affair will kind of just dissipate…)

finally the main event:

so here’s how i envision lorca/tyler playing out, as of 1.05 “choose your pain”:

at this point i still think he and michael are still having an affair; also, no matter what other many questionable things lorca may be capable of doing, no matter how shady of a character he may be, i do believe he would do them only for the purposes of protecting the federation/not losing a war and similar; i don’t think he’s necessarily pure evil and i don’t think would push tyler into something he wasn’t comfortable with or ready for, esp given what happened to him.

so, at this point he’s super protective of tyler. he’s convinced himself he’s just worried about a traumatised crew member – because he does know how to care even if he likes to pretend he doesn’t if the situation requires it – but he (subconsciously?) tells himself that it ends at crew welfare and it isn’t personal, and he even believes it. 

over the months they slowly become actual friends, perhaps one of the first friends gabby (yes, i do think the diminutive suits him) actually has ever had, but he doesn’t realise it of course, wouldn’t allow himself to think like that if he did realise. i think ash knows, but he also understands protocol so never acknowledges it. but it doesn’t stop the rumours floating about the ship as they slowly find themselves falling in love.  

i think if they did eventually start a relationship, it makes sense that it wouldn’t happen until after the war was won ended (or maybe it would happen sooner, who knows)

(i’ve also seen talk that there’s to be something going on between ash and michael and i am absolutely here for the possibility of an ot3, but that’s a different story entirely and we’ll see how that goes as the series progresses)

[amandafoxy1]

It was hard not to be affected by the keyboard warrior backlash Kylie Jenner got last week after announcing that her new skincare line would include a walnut facial scrub. Being a 90s teen I didn’t really think too much of it at first. I came of age in an era before political correctness, when nobody questioned where you put your nuts but hey, times have changed and so have I!

So what’s going on?

Picture from here. 

Walnuts, that’s what.

If you read even a handful of the comments online it leaves you with the impression that there is nothing worse for your skin than a dollop of walnut face scrub.  As a cosmetic chemist that is often asked to incorporate natural scrub particles into cosmetic products I wanted to dissect this backlash a little, flesh it out, play with these ideas a little, work out where the truth lies.  I did this first from my perspective as a cosmetic chemist and then by chatting to the lovely Amy Erbacher, facialist-to-the-stars and someone with heaps of up-close-and-personal insights into what people do to their skin and how the skin takes it.  Chemists don’t really have that sort of insight you see.

The backlash – a semi-scientific appraisal.

So what people seem to be upset most about are these things called ‘micro tears’ that allegedly form on the skin after you scrub it with walnut particles.

After thinking on this for a moment, I found myself wanting to form a mental picture of how ‘this’ rates against ‘that’. What that means is, if I assume that the people are right, that Walnut does form micro tears on the skin and that they are bad, how does that compare with other exfoliating particles, with harsh towelling of the skin,  with environmental factors (sand, wind, dust etc) and with other things we might do to our skin (needling, microdermabrasion, lasers etc).

Walnut particles are abrasive. They are abrasive because they are hard and un-yielding (they aren’t squishy like a sponge) and they also have some jagged rather than smooth edges. It is likely that these jagged edges could cause tiny skin tears.

Here are two microscope images of some Walnut scrub particles that came out of St Ives Apricot Scrub. The left side is at 4 x magnification and the right side is 10x. You can see some big particles and some small, some clumps and some individual particles. You can see the rough edges but generally these are just bulky and woody with little spiked bits.

A while a go, I looked at a whole bunch of other exfoliant particles. They are shown below. Looking at this you can see a range of natural and an un-natural particle. The Jojoba beads are round and soft-edged. These also melt at around 45-50C which is face-wash temperature.  The micro-plastic is somewhat round but with little jagged bits in the background.  The other materials, sugar excepted, are quite jagged and un-even.

How can looking at this help with understanding micro tears?

If it is true that walnut particles cause micro tears to the skin, looking at the above range of exfoliant particles it would seem reasonable that at least some of the above could also cause the same.  This to me is interesting as the response online to Kylie Jenner’s launch was very emotional and ultra specific about Walnut shell.  Some early responders also cited a law suit brought against St Ives that got into the USA court system late last year.   As fairly typical of people trying to drive home a fast point, they neglected to inform their readers that the law suit application failed. Maybe looking at the above gives us some idea of why…

So what does using scrubs like this do to the skin?

This is where I couldn’t really answer and is why I got Amy Erbacher involved.

Amy came to me a few years ago when she wanted to develop her own range of skin cleansers based on what she had learned from years in the beauty trade.  Amy explained that she often picks up visual signs that a clients skin has been treated too harshly during her practice as a facialist. Typical signs of past trauma include hyper pigmentation, irritation, adult acne and/or hypersensitivity.  Of course, being a facials Amy doesn’t give any medical diagnoses but it is her job to attempt to bring the skin back to looking and feeling good.

So they are the symptoms but what about the causes?  

Amy thought it entirely possible (even probable) that the habitual use of harsh abrasives, especially when applied vigorously and often to the skin,  could be contributing  to the symptoms she sees.  However, she felt it unlikely that physical exfoliant of the type purchased over-the-counter are the only cause of clients woes with  UV exposure, lifestyle habits such as smoking and a poor diet,  over-use of AHA’s and Enzymes and our addiction to instant results also playing a part.  On that front, as a facialist, Amy has observed clients growing appetite for cosmeceuticals as a potential double-edged sword.  Demands for stronger AHA products, faster-acting serums and deeper dermal delivery have (potentially) pushed the skin barrier to its limits for some clients resulting in various symptoms of premature ageing. When talking to Amy there was a clear vibe coming from her that the best approach to skin care was to take it gently and…care for it.

Stopping there for a moment there are clearly some subtleties to the case of ‘nut gate’ that we must address. Maybe it’s time for a little self-analysis and therapy?

Going back to my teenage years I just could not get enough facial scrub into my life. I had acne and part of that was blocked pores and blackheads. I was convinced that a good old scrub was the best way to get that dirt out.  Coming into modern times I’ve had more than one client send back the scrub samples I sent them for a bit of ‘toughening up’ when I went a bit too easy (gentle) on the physical exfoliation.  So while Amy is clearly telling me to calm it down in one ear, my other ear is hearing ‘give it to me hard baby’.  Who do I listen to!

Balance, perspective and application.

Amy clearly has a point.  The skin (and remember, we are talking facial skin here) is delicate but it is not pathetic.  This report looks at how skin resists tearing  and by looking at that we can clearly see that a little exfoliation isn’t likely to cause long-term damage when used sparingly and with care.  As we have eluded to above, there are many cosmetic procedures and practices that leave our skin slightly traumatised, indeed, that’s often how we get fast results.  Acids, needles and microdermabrasion treatments all stimulate the skin, instructing them to repair, re-build and restore the skin hopefully to its brighter, smoother and more youthful self. ��In that way we could say that our trauma led to personal growth  – what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.  So maybe the only trouble when it comes to exfoliating our skin is knowing when enough is enough…

When exfoliation has to stop. 

Acne.

In Amy’s professional practice she recommends only the gentlest of scrubbing in all cases  and never for skin with live acne pustules – see that’s where I used to go wrong. I had the mindset that the scrub would set the pimple free and leave my skin clean and un-clogged. Looks like all I was doing back then is spreading the germs around!  So that’s one down-side of physical exfoliants – spreading microbes around the skin.  Are there any more?

Sensitive types. 

Amy points out that another down-side of harsh scrubbing is the disturbance of the micro biome. We are only just starting to learn how our few Kg’s of microbes that live in and on us keep us safe and well.  While exfoliants won’t damage the microbiome per se, they do ‘clean’ a bit more thoroughly than a product without them and for some people this can leave their micro biome a little scattered and when that happens, the skin can become more sensitive.   Again, it is a case of ‘less is more’.

Damaged Skin.

Amy points out that it is really tempting for those with sun-damaged thickened skin to go crazy with exfoliants but again this isn’t recommended.  The skin is thickened due to sun damage and so scrubbing that off won’t really help long-term as you are just layering more stress onto already stressed skin.   From my perspective these probably are the clients that ask for harsher scrubs.  From now on I’ll be talking to them more about cosmetic retinol products and gentle chemical exfoliants as safer alternatives.

When you have an addiction to harshness.

I have had several conversations with Amy over the years and there definitely does seem to be a section of the population that just can’t get enough when it comes to beauty treatments.  I think I was semi-addicted to the ‘freshly scrubbed’ feeling I used to get from my walnut exfoliant even though it was probably not doing me any good.  This behaviour is definitely going to result in long-term skin complications if it is kept up but it pays to remember that this is NOT, I repeat NOT the nuts fault.

The bottom line in nut-gate.

Amy is clearly in the ‘treat it ultra gentle’ camp whereas I like it a little rough (probably based on my earlier facial abuse) so who is right?

Amy is coming from a strong evidence-based mindset that over-exfoliating is one of the contributing factors leading to skin issues down the track. Because of that she strongly warns her clientele against harsh scrubs.  This advise is backed up by many other facialists, dermatologists and skin professionals.

When I look at the St Ives Apricot Scrub I see that it suggests using it 3-4 times a week, the Kylie Jenner product is apparently gentle enough to use every day or, as the pack suggests, 2-3 times a week.  I don’t know if the exfoliation rate is equivalent for these two products but having worked with Walnut exfoliant as an ingredient for many years it is unlikely to deviate much from the general shape, size and hardness typical of this ingredient.  What could vary is the dose,  the cushioning effect of the base and potentially the formula pH, perfume and preservative, all of which can contribute to the overall harshness or gentleness of a formulation.

Do we do what the packet says?

Looking back to my most addicted period I think I used the St Ives scrub 1-2 times a day in my bid to ‘clean my pores’.   Clearly it would be reasonable to expect a difference in results between people that over-use a product and those that follow the  normal/ recommended use pattern. That said, Amy was strongly of the opinion that 2-3 times a week would be too much, in general for skin to handle and I feel inclined to agree.  Maybe the days of exfoliating the shit out of our faces should be resigned to history, like the Spice Girls, Shell Suits and Cherry Coke…

So where does that leave nut-gate?

Ummmm, I think it is all a bit more nuanced than the good folks of the inter webs would like us to believe.  There is a clear ‘OMG NO, are you trying to kill us Kylie’ vibe going on online at the moment but maybe that’s all a smart publicity ploy, one never knows.

Traumatising the skin is a strategy that some cosmetic products and procedures use to their advantage so to single out walnut scrub as the worst thing to have ever happened to the skin is a bit silly really and does nothing to progress the conversation.  Micro tears are a type of trauma that a scrub could produce, but physical exfoliants won’t tear up your skin to any noticeable degree unless you scrub like a daemon, have skin that is already damaged or use the product in excess (and excess is going to differ for everyone) – all things being equal. If you are an abusive scrubber then you should not just be wary of walnut scrubs, you should be wary of any hard-particulate scrub agent that can generate sufficient friction.  There is nothing inherently worrying about walnut when compared to other natural exfoliants unless you are allergic to nuts and nut products.

I think the last word has to be to plead to our sense of balance.

If, like me, you like exfoliating scrubs then use them carefully, sparingly, gently and in a way that doesn’t damage your skin or spread infection.  I can see why the skin professionals hate them and I do agree that a gentle approach to skin care is most likely the best plan.

Most of us don’t know how to ‘do’ moderation but that’s not Kylie or the professionals fault, that’s ours.  That said, in telling us that she uses this product (which I haven’t tested) 2-3 times a week but that you COULD use it daily to achieve a skin like hers (which is kind of perfect) is somewhat irresponsible especially given that her audience is quite young, potentially acne prone and highly susceptible to celebrity marketing messages.

So should you keep your nuts off your face?

Probably.

Amanda x

                Should you keep your nuts off your face? It was hard not to be affected by the keyboard warrior backlash Kylie Jenner got last week after announcing that her new skincare line would include a walnut facial scrub.