#not one drop was spilled from that cup 🤣

[pr41sethemoon]

Sam is really just a guy with his slutty fruity drinks

Run, run like your life depends on it baby 💀

[lovemybluebully]

Over My Dead Body

Got writer's block on the fic I mentioned with X23 so I wrote this to keep my creative juices flowing. 😁 Hope you guys don't mind. lol I swear this was just going to be a little drabble, buuuuuuut I got carried away. It was just like, I have an idea! Oooh I have another idea! And then it just spiraled. 🤣 I suck at writing short fics. lol

Probably not my best work, but just a little silliness between these two guys. Another fic where Wade discovers Logan is ticklish and goes all out on him. I very much enjoy tickle origin fics. 🥰

Again some somewhat movie spoilers, but if you haven't seen the biggest movie in the world by now then that's your fault. lol Then of course the typical foul language and Deadpool's dirty mouth.

"Deadpool and Wolverine"-verse

M/M Tickle Fic

Word Count: 5,139

"Fucking give me that remote, Wilson!" Logan let out a teeth-bared snarl while chasing Wade comically around and around the couch like in a Scooby Doo cartoon.

"But baby cakes, I want to watch 'Touched By An Angel'! Wade snickered, managing to stay just one step ahead.

"Fuck that shit! This is the final round for the Flames in the Stanley Cup, and I am NOT missing it!" He finally caught up to Wade and took him down with a flying tackle of heavy adamantium as they both crashed to the floor and the tv remote went sailing out of reach.

Logan quickly scrambled to his feet as he made a break for it, but Wade successfully grabbed his leg to trip him as he hit the floor again with the merc now up and giggling as he ran to claim the prize.

"Yessss! Home run! And the crowd goes wild!" Wade mimicked the sounds of a cheering stadium while triumphantly holding the remote over his head. However, this was instantaneously followed by a loud growl from Logan as he charged his roommate like a bull and slammed into him harder than a Mack truck.

Wade didn't have time to yelp as his body went flying across the room though the remote had been knocked from his grasp and dropped to the ground, exploding the case open as the batteries all popped out. Logan reached down to pick it all up, shaking his head in annoyance as he walked back over towards the couch and tried to jam the batteries back in properly.

"Motherfucking idiot. Just sit your stupid ass down and take the L. I'm putting on the hockey game and that's that."

But Wade wasn't through yet. He was having too much fun with this! He was always trying to get Logan to roughhouse and play with him, but with the X-man being such a stiff it was hard to get him to let loose. Alcohol usually played a big factor in getting Logan to loosen his inhibitions and engage, but at the current moment he was sober as a judge. 

Pissing him off was the next best thing, and Wade loved a good chase and the physical contact, even if it was of the more painful variety. They had a rule about not spilling any blood inside the apartment, but he knew Logan could be pushed too far sometimes and forget about that so Wade would usually back off before he reached that point.

Though at this present time he had only antagonized him a little bit so he knew Logan would be able to tolerate him just a smidge more.

Logan's hypersensitive ears easily picked up the sound of the energetic man coming at him again as he turned around just as Wade plowed all of his weight into him to tackle him onto the couch. Wade quickly took the position to straddle the man's thighs and started making grabs for the remote as growling curses were hurled at him.

"Goddammit! You juvenile fucking moron! Just back off! The only way you're getting this is over my dead body!"

"Bet," Deadpool nodded and kept up in his efforts.

As they played slap-hands fighting to get a hold of the controller it slipped from their grip, hitting Logan in the face on its way down before sliding inside his collar down into his button-up overshirt.

"Nice going, captain loser. Don't worry, I'll get it!" Wade immediately went after it as he haphazardly began squeezing and poking around Logan's midsection as he tried to find the location of the remote hidden beneath the fabric.

As irritated as he was Logan now found that he had a new problem as his body started involuntarily reacting to the way Wade was grabbing at him. It was making his skin crawl. Shivers running up his spine as he began to writhe underneath the other man, trying to avoid the touches.

"Stop squirming, would you? You're making this way harder than it has to be. And I can't find the remote either," Wade teased, always managing to slip in inappropriate innuendos, but Logan was too occupied to make a sarcastic retort as he frantically tried to grab and get control of Wade's busy hands.

"Q-Quit it, shithead!" Logan gritted through his teeth as Wade just clucked his tongue and shook his head.

"Oh c'mon! Stop fighting it and just give it up!" Wade's words held a double meaning in this situation as his hands moved lower, giving the grump a particularly firm squeeze around his hips as Logan couldn't hold it in anymore. 

His back arched off the couch accompanied by a loud snort; his nose scrunched as a soft string of giggles tumbled their way out. 

Upon hearing that Wade immediately stopped what he was doing; practically frozen in shock as he stared down at the bigger male below him. After a few long, tense moments a slow grin of realization started to spread over his face and Logan was suddenly overcome with a feeling of immense dread at what was about to transpire.

"Did...Did you just giggle?"

"....No," was all Logan could say lamely; his uneasy mind not allowing him to come up with anything else as Wade only smiled more.

"Now here's the plot twist that I never would have expected. You wanna tell me what that was all about? Forgive me if I'm finding it difficult to believe that a hardened tough guy like you could possibly be, dare I say it.....ticklish."

Logan's eyes betrayed him as they widened in pure terror; his brain frantically trying to figure out a solution to get him out of this mess, but his silence told more than enough.

"Ohohoho, you are, aren't you? Well this just made things a lot more sexy...I mean, interesting," Wade stroked his own chin, pondering the situation while Logan finally regained his wit and was now on the rebound to try to deny it.

"What? Are you kidding? Tch! I am not ticklish. Where the fuck do you come up with such stupid ideas?" He made his best attempt to sound convincing, but Wade could easily see right through his bullshit.

"I gotta tell you that all sounds exactly like something a ticklish person would say. A pitiful performance like that isn't going to win you any Oscars," Wade smirked before his eyes then drifted back down to Logan's torso, "Oh dear. It looks like the remote has fallen inside your shirt. Whatever shall we do?"

Wade was gently tugging at the front of his shirt as Logan narrowed his eyes.

"Just get offa me and I'll get it myself. Quit looking for excuses to grope me, ya fucking pervert," Logan growled deeply with his characteristic hard-as-nails Wolverine glare, trying to be as off-putting as possible to hopefully get Wade to lose the notion.

"But it's so confusing when your mouth says 'no', but your eyes say 'yes'," Wade grinned, giving a light tickle to Logan's sides that made him flinch, "By the way, what do you want your safe word to be?"

"Touch me and I will cut your useless motherfucking head off, Wilson."

Wade laughed chaotically and shook his head.

"Now that's kind of a mouthful to say. You should pick something easier like 'umbrella' or 'avocado' or 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'-"

Logan realized he was running out of time for stalling and was now struggling to push Wade off of him before he could actually carry out this heinous act, but the merc simply shoved his arms aside and launched his attack, tickling wildly along his ribcage.

"Oh I get it! You don't want a safe word! Very kinky! I like your style! Well you did say the only way I was getting the remote was over your dead body. Who knew it was going to be death by tickling?"

Logan made a strained grunting noise as he steeled himself and began writhing about, still fighting to force Wade off despite the fingers running along his ribs. He in no way wanted to give Wade the satisfaction of making him laugh and would hold it in for as long as he could.

"Looks like we've got a tough guy, ladies and gentlemen," Wade grinned, momentarily looking out at the camera then turning back to his victim, "You know in all the fanfics I've read it's always the toughest guys that are the most ticklish of all. Look at you doing everything in your power not to laugh. How cute. Too bad you're not going to be able to keep that up. I pretty much wrote the book on 'lerring."

Wolverine had no idea what that meant but could hardly fathom the idea that he was going to have to listen to Wade's annoying jabbering and teases without being able to give him a piece of his mind. Because if he even dared to open his mouth it was game over and he was going to fucking lose it.

"So are you like one of those guys who are only ticklish around here...," Wade squeezed and massaged into his sides as an involuntary grin stretched across Logan's face while keeping his jaw clenched, "Or are you one of those head-to-toe ticklish kinda guys? I'm betting the latter."

While still keeping one hand digging into his side Deadpool now reached up to teasingly trace his fingers with a feather-light touch over Logan's ear and down his neck as the man wrenched his head away and scrunched up his shoulder to try to cover up that side of his head.

"Ooooh so sensitive. Am I going to have some fun with you. All we're missing is the sweet sound of your laughter. C'moooooooon just let it out already. You're not embarrassed of your laugh, are you? I'm sure it's wonderful. Don't be shy now, it's just the two of us here."

Every word that came out of Wade's mouth was slowly eating away at Logan's resolve along with his mental capacity to resist the laughter building up inside of him. Giving into Wade's demands was not high on his list of favorable activities, but he knew it was about to happen whether he wanted it to or not.

"You are one hard nut to crack, I'll give you that. But that's okay, it's just going to make breaking you even sweeter. Heheh, look how red your face is. You look like you're about to explode. I just need to find the right spot to poke that bubble and free you of your burden. Hmmm, I think I know where....," Wade smirked big time as he changed tactics to thrust his hands underneath Logan's arms and furiously tickle into his armpits.

The battle was finally over. Logan had fought for as long as he possibly could, but he just couldn't take it anymore. With Wade having honed in on one of his most sensitive areas he felt his lips make one last valiant effort to stay sealed as they trembled right before releasing his loud, pent-up outburst.

"HAHAHaahaha! AhahahahaStop! Stahahahap ihihhit!" Logan hollered as he managed to shove Wade's hands out of his pits, though they immediately latched onto his waist and dug right in. Wade was beyond pleased with this turn of events.

"Ahhhh there it is. And it's just as adorable as I imagined. See? Nothing to be embarrassed about," Wade's grin encompassed his whole face as he didn't let up and kept kneading his thumbs right above Logan's hips.

"I wahahahasn't embahahaharrassed, ya dehehehense fuhuhuhucking prihihihiiick!  Gahahahahaa! Just didhihihidn't wahahahaha-wahant to gihihihive you the sss-satisfahahahaction!" Logan struggled to speak clearly through his laughter as he twisted and squirmed, trying to wriggle out from under the other man.

"Well mission failed, my little stud muffin. I can't believe you've been hiding your ticklishness from me all this time. Think of all the fun we're going to have together now!" Wade exclaimed with pure glee as he moved back up to the ribs now that he was receiving the reactions he wanted, making Logan cackle uncontrollably.

"Fuhuhuhuhuuuuck!! Okaahahahay! You gohohohohot meheheee! I'm tihihihicklish! Now fuhuhuhuhuhuck ohhohohoff!" Logan's hysterical proclamation was accompanied by a series of hard snorts, making Wade's face light up even more.

"You're a snorter?! Oh that's just so precious! How can you expect me to fuck off after hearing that?! Nononono, I think I will keep fucking on, thank you very much! Besides if I stop now then this will be the shortest tickle fic ever written!" He increased his speed, probing between every rib bone as he played his friend's sides like a ticklish piano.

Logan surprisingly laughed even harder, wheezing for air as he continued letting out a snort every few seconds with his burly arms pitifully clamped as tight as he could against his sides. Nothing was stopping the devilishly dexterous fingers of his hyper roommate though.

"Wihihihilsonaaahahahahah.......sssstooooohahahahahahooooop! I'll....I'll gihihihihive you ohohone lahahahast chaaa-EEEHEEHEEHeheheheheheeh!" Logan literally squealed much to his chagrin as he broke into high-pitched giggles with Wade switching spots to now claw mercilessly at his stomach and waist.

"Oh I've never heard a Wolverine squeal before. It's just the gift that keeps on giving. Definitely going to need that as my new ringtone. But hmmm, I think this could be better...," Wade mused as his fingers kept scratching over the buttons going down Logan's flannel shirt, no doubt hindering his tickling efforts if only a little.

In the next second he grabbed Logan's overshirt and pulled hard in opposite directions to pop all the buttons as the remote was finally freed and clattered to the floor. The mercenary smirked as he saw that Logan wasn't wearing anything underneath as his hairy, heavy-muscled torso was now on full display.

Logan was grateful that it had all stopped and the remote was now nowhere near him as he leaned his head back and tried to catch his breath.

"........Fuck......Okay.....You win you win. Just take the fucking thing.....and go ahead and watch your stupid ass shoHOHohOhOHOhoW! NAAAAHOHOHOHOOOOO!!"

Logan had thought it was over, but his momentary sparkle of hope vanished instantly as Wade paid the controller no mind and lunged for him again.

"Ahh yes, that's much better! Now I can really get my hands in here!" Wade smirked in delight with his fingers currently buried and wriggling into Logan's armpits while the feral man roared with deep belly laughs before fizzling into helpless wheezes.

"Ohoho you're very tickly here, aren't you? Bet you wish you would've chosen a safe word now, huh? Or not. Maybe you're enjoying this. Is that it? Don't lie to me now."

"I'm gohohohohonna fffffff-aaahahahhahahah.....fuhuhuhucking k-kihihihill yooooou!" Logan wheezed out as he weakly smacked at Wade's arms and haphazardly kicked his legs around.

"Awww don't be mean, peanut. I just can't get enough of the sound of your laugh. That's not a crime, is it?"

Logan couldn't remember having ever been tickled like this. It had been so long since he'd been this close to anybody, and his memory of such things was pretty fuzzy of anything that happened before his regrettable incident. After those events he'd become even more withdrawn and had fallen deep into depression from the unbearable guilt he felt, confident that he never deserved to be happy again.

And then this annoying little fucker appeared at that bar one day and dragged him on the wildest, most fucked up adventure he could ever recall being on. If at the beginning of all that someone had told him that Wade and he were going to become great friends then he would have laughed right in their face.

But it did happen, and Logan was taken-aback to finally be around someone again who actually cared about his well-being. Someone who wanted the best for him and to make sure that he knew that he mattered. Someone who wanted nothing more than for him to be happy.

And Deadpool was always trying to make him laugh. The look of genuine happiness on Wade's face was unmatched whenever one of his jokes managed to land and make Logan chuckle. The X-man seemed to smile a lot more these days, but laughing was still a rare occurrence for him, which is why Logan was so defensive against the tickling that was currently causing him to do so.

But could he say with complete honesty that he truly hated all this? The answer irked him a little bit because it was no, he didn't hate it, but he was conflicted because he still didn't think he should be allowed to feel pure joy again. 

He felt that guilt come up again when he admitted to himself that laughing like this actually felt good. He didn't deserve to feel good. Ever. But obviously Wade had a difference of opinion on that. Wanting him to smile. Wanting him to laugh. Wanting him to let go of his guilt and be happy in this universe that undoubtedly wouldn't be here without him.

"Don't think I forgot about this little sweet spot!"

Wade brought him out of these thoughts rather quickly once he began scribbling all ten fingers over his taut, bare stomach as the Wolverine tossed his head back in howling laughter with his eyes squeezed shut and tears forming in the corners of them.

"Coochie coochie coo! Awwww wittle Wolvie is so ticklish! Yes, he is! Yes, he is!" The merc cooed playfully, knowing all these teases were key to breaking down Logan's mental barriers. And it was working as Logan finally stopped feeling sorry for himself and just gave into it all.

"W-Waaade nooooo! Aahahahahahaah! Cuhuhuhut it ohohhohout! Pleeheheheheeease!"

The merc cocked his head in amusement, having never heard Logan even come close to begging for anything before.

"Oooooh this really is a killer spot, isn't it? Is this rock-hard belly of yours the most ticklish of all? How ironic," Wade mused while absentmindedly squirming a finger down into his navel, making Logan buck strongly and shriek with unrestrained giggles.

"Shihihihiiiiit! Aaaheehehehehehee! Noohohohooot in thehehehere! Fohohor fuhuhuhucks saahaahaakeheehehehehehahahah-st-stoohahahahop tihihihickling! You're kihihhihillin' meheeheehee!"

Wade's stomach did a little somersault at how vulnerable Logan was now being with him. It was all he ever wanted was to see his friend let go of all his anger and self-loathing of the past and surrender himself to the present day. 

Logan was laughing freely now. He wasn't grinding his teeth and trying to hold anything in anymore and he even stopped really fighting to get Wade off of him.  His face and chest were flushed, tears running down his cheeks as he just laid there in a squirming heap with his wide-open mouth releasing endless peals of laughter and pleas for mercy.

In all honesty Wade didn't want to stop just so he could keep Logan in this state for as long as possible where he was freed from the prison of his own mind, though he knew that he'd have to let him go eventually. Still not quite this second.

"Stop? But I couldn't possibly! Look how happy it's making you! I'd be an asshole to rob you of that! Lucky for you I'm such a good friend, huh?! Tickletickletickletickle! Laugh it up, buddy!" He kept ruthlessly tickling his heaving belly while his other hand slid up to creep back into his armpit, rendering Logan into a powerless wheezing wreck.

"Nohohohooot fahahahaaair! Baahahhhahahaha! Wahahade pleeeease! I cahahahaa-cahahaan't tahahake anymohohohore! Uhuhuhuhuncle!"

Between Wade's unrelenting yapping and Logan's loud fits of laughter they both failed to hear the sound of the front doorknob rattling right before it opened and in walked Dopinder with several plastic bags of take-out in his hands.

"Hello? Your UberEats order is here, Mr. Logan. I've got your hot wings and your pizza rolls and your-AAAH!!" Dopinder let out a scream as he rounded the corner to find Wade straddling and feeling up a howling, red-faced and bare-chested Wolverine. 

Upon hearing the terrified cry Wade immediately paused what he was doing as he looked back over his shoulder like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Uhh heeeey Dopinder. Ummm.....This isn't what it looks like.....," he had a guilty look on his face, but quickly revealed his facade as he broke into a devious grin, "Just fucking with you! It's totally what it looks like!"

"And-And what exactly does it look like?" The younger man dared to ask despite his better judgement.

"Well you see Dopinder when two men start living together they begin to develop these feelings; feelings that cause them to get these strong urges that they just can't ignore and-," Wade's tirade of nonsense was cut off as Logan took the opportunity to give him a hard shove and flip him over the back of the couch between pants for air

"Fucking idiot. Don't...freak out, kid. The asshole....was just ticklin' me...is all," Logan breathlessly grunted while moving to take a normal seated position on the couch as Wade then popped his head up from the back.

"That's what he wants to call it. Wanna get in on this action, Dopinder?"

"Oh uhh hehe, n-no thank you. I actually have some more deliveries to get finished. Ermm, next time perhaps," he stuttered nervously as he gingerly placed the food down onto the coffee table in front of them and began to make his exit from the apartment.

"Don't think I'm not holding you to that," Wade teased, making his former cab driver blush and dart out through the door as Wade chuckled and nudged Logan in the shoulder, "Hehehe, did you see how flustered he got? I'll bet he's even more ticklish than you are."

"Leave the kid alone, Wilson. You'd probably kill him. He doesn't have a healing factor like I do," Logan snorted, bunching up his shoulders as Wade lightly ran a finger across the back of his neck.

"Ohh I can be gentle if I want. But I'm pretty sure you're the kind of guy who likes it rough," Wade teased as he moved around to the front of the couch to sit next to the other man, surprised to hear Logan let out a low chuckle.

"Was that a laugh? Nice to see you finally start to appreciate my elite level of humor. Maybe I won't have to start with the daily tickle sessions after all."

Logan made a face at that and lifted his brow.

"Daily? Yeah fuck no, that ain't happening. Once in a while......fine. But I don't think I could take it every day," he mentally shivered thinking about what Wade just put him through.

"Tell you what, you start laughing a little more at my jokes and I'll consider it. But no fake laughing! Because I can tell the difference! Especially now that I know what your real laugh sounds like and let me tell you it's going to be hard for me to get enough of it," Wade experimentally grabbed his knee, giving it a firm squeeze and digging his fingers in around the kneecap as Logan instantly wheezed out a laugh and quickly wrenched the hand off of him.

"Alrihight! I get it! Promise I'll try!"

"I guess that's all I can ask of you. Of course I'm still making it my mission to find everywhere else you're ticklish, and what other really bad spots you have.....unless you just want to tell me," Wade suggested with a grin as Logan just smirked right back.

"Now where'd be the fun in that?"

"You know, you are so right, you smug little honey badger. I gotta say though I'm liking this mood you're in now."

"Well it's your fault. Ya tickled me so bad I couldn't even think straight. Seems like you pushed all the negative thoughts right outta my mind," Logan confessed as Wade began to reconsider his earlier promise.

"Is that so? Hmmm maybe those daily tickle sessions are a good idea after all...," Wade teased just to watch Logan squirm at the thought again.

"I don't think so, bub. Besides, look what ya did," he gestured to his wide-open shirt, pointing at all the areas missing buttons, "You ruined my favorite fucking shirt, dickhead."

"Hardly. You've got like twenty of the exact same one. That's all you ever wear," Wade was quick to point out as Logan just shrugged with a smile.

"So? What's your point?"

"My point is you're a walking fashion disaster. But okay, I'll try not to be so rough next time. We can do the gentle stuff if you prefer. So for research purposes can you tell me how you feel about feathers, hm?" He grinned as he saw Logan shift uneasily in his seat.

"You're gettin' a little crazy now, Wilson."

"Oh c'moooon, just imagine a nice, fluffy feather teasing that big ol' neck of yours.....circling your little tummy button....stroking the backs of your knees.....threading between all your toes....I can't imagine that your feet were spared of your adorable weakness."

"Wade...."

"Oooh! What about raspberries?! Those are fun! Bet it would drive you insane if I blew them on your belly. How about we test that out really quick?" Wade took a deep breath and started leaning towards him with his eyes locked onto his stomach.

"Alright cut it out!" Logan's hand caught him by the face and shoved him kind of hard, though couldn't stop himself from chuckling as he shook his head, "Fuckin' hell, you've seriously got a career in how to mentally torture a guy."

"At your service," Wade tipped an invisible hat as he then surveyed all the bags of food on the table in front of them, "So what did you order all of this for?"

"I told ya I was gonna watch the hockey game. Can't watch it without some proper snacks now," he reached into one of the bags and pulled out a tall can of beer as he popped the pull ring and took a long drink out of it while the other man began removing the take-out boxes.

"Chimichangas? Since when do you eat chimichangas?" Wade looked over at him questionably upon opening one of the containers as Logan gave him a half-smile.

"I got those for you, dumbass. Thought maybe you'd wanna hang out and watch the game with me." 

Wade was left momentarily speechless, truly touched by Logan's unexpected gesture.

"Well.....yeah of course. I'd love to. But how come you didn't ask me earlier?"

"Didn't get a chance to because you started bein' an idiot and going off about some other stupid show....'Touched By An Asshole' or something. What kinda pervy ass show is that anywaahaahaays?" Logan giggled, rubbing at his ribs where Wade had now just indignantly poked him.

"It's 'Touched By An Angel', you disrespectful twat. And it's a national treasure. But besides the fact that I've seen every episode, I didn't really want to watch it. I was just trying to get a rise out of you. You seemed tense," Wade admitted as Logan only shrugged and sipped from his beer can.

"When am I not?"

"Umm...Right now. Honestly I haven't you seen this relaxed in.....ever. Even when you're drunk sometimes you're still pretty moody," Wade pointed out as Logan took it in and knew he was right. He'd literally been forced into laughing off all of the burdens that he had carried for many years. His mind currently free from all the adverse feelings and troubles that he'd been endlessly plagued. 

The effects were likely not permanent but at least for the time being he felt good. Having to suffer through a vicious tickle attack to achieve that was more than worth it he decided.

"Hmph. Yeah. I guess you're right," a smile broke across Logan's face as he punched Wade in the shoulder, "Thanks asshole."

"Any time. And if you ever change your mind about the daily ticklings then I'm your guy," Wade was glowing from the actual genuine appreciation he'd just received from the normally cantankerous Wolverine.

"Heh. We'll see," Logan smirked as he bent over to pick up the remote off of the floor and turned on the television ahead of them, switching channels until he found the right one, "So do ya even like hockey?"

Wade nodded enthusiastically.

"Love it so much that I've never watched a game in my entire life," he said matter-of-factly before clapping his hands in excitement when he saw Dogpool trot into the room, patting the spot on the couch next to him as she jumped up.

Logan sighed as he handed his roommate a beer, realizing that the next few hours were going to be filled with Wade obnoxiously asking questions about every little thing that happened in the game. Though he couldn't help but smile as he watched the man-child start happily eating the chimichangas while simultaneously feeding little bits of them to his unusual looking dog.

Truth be told they all were an unusual bunch. Not just the three of them, but Blind Al, Peter, and Dopinder, to name a few. All these people that Wade had brought into his life and openly shared with him. Not to mention without Wade's intervention he never would have met Laura; someone he found he made a fast connection with and was now someone he cared deeply about.

Really Wade had rescued him that day. Rescued him from himself and gave him another reason to keep on living for. He felt his heart warm as he looked over at one of the side tables where Wade kept a framed photo of all of their friends; only now it was a new picture that included Logan, Laura and Mary Puppins in it.

Logan's smile grew as he reached over to pat the dog on the head before Wade made a whimpering noise and leaned his own head towards him to receive the same affection. He chuckled and obliged for a few moments before getting a wicked grin on his face as he snatched the hair piece off of Wade's head, prompting a momentary yelp of pain from the scarred man.

As the merc rubbed at his head while glaring over at him Logan found it impossible not to start laughing while jokingly dangling the toupee up in his hand. Wade then promptly broke into a smirk that told him he was dead, though even with that warning Logan made no attempt to escape.

Wade easily knocked him onto his back again to mercilessly tickle his sides while at the same time making the Wolverine shriek by blowing those promised raspberries into his stomach. And they tickled just as badly as Wade had said.

Yes, they were an unusual bunch, but they were his whole world now. And Logan was never going to let them down. Over his dead body.

[einsatzzz]

i’m sorry if this is a rude question, but I was a bit surprised by the housework part in your ship meme. i just doubt that tsuna is such a good housewife material considering that at the beginning of the manga he had nana doing everything for him, he had a messy room, so i seriously doubt his talent goes beyond heating up food…. i just thought that kurumi and tsuna would just set the house on fire together because they can't both do anything

Thank you for dropping by my inbox, anon! No worries, I didn't read it as a rude question, I actually even got inspo from your ask lmaooo I'm just gonna put it here hahaha 🤣

Also, here's the link for the ship meme mentioned! 🐟🎀

Ok, now to actually answer your ask!

I do agree that Nana practically did all the work in the house for him. His room is also quite messy as you said 😭 and highly likely, the only reason it gets cleaned up is also Nana (it's even shown at the room previews). There's even that one episode in Future Arc where Haru & Kyoko boycotted them, and they just kept eating instant noodles because they can't cook a proper meal. All in all, that's just how much of a Dame Tsuna he is, being crap at housework as much as he is with school grades.

Though, this doesn't mean he'll just "absolutely" stay like that forever. Just like the growth his character had throughout the entire story and his shows of courage (or just him stepping up when needed) in situations where we know he's scared too, I believe this characteristic of his can also spill over to other aspects of his life which includes something as common as housework. And it's not like he doesn't personally want to grow as a person too, you know?

Another important thing to consider for this is the dynamic between Tsuna and Kurumi (a character who's an added variable to what we initially have as canon, which can affect Tsuna's character as well). A key part of their relationship in general that we want to portray is that they provide each other more opportunities for personal growth. Of course, this includes Tsuna stepping up in taking over for most of the housework.

A nice analogy for this would be when you pair up an introvert and an extreme introvert together for a project, so now the introvert will have to step up their game for the other introvert even if they're bad at it.

So if we apply this example to them, while Tsuna is quite bad at doing housework (with Nana doing it all for him), Kurumi is even way way worse (with having multiple servants at their family's disposal to handle their housework + spoiled even more by her family + whatever black matter cooking fuckery she has going on). In the end, Tsuna is forced to step up his game, for both his and Kurumi's safety in their shared living space. He won't be perfect at it especially during the period when they just moved in together, but at the very least I can see him improving to somewhere around below average to barely average skill, which is as the anime dudebros would call "mid" jfmdhdjdjdhd 🤣🤣🤣

We never really said that he'd be a good housewife material, but instead! ✨He will be Kurumi's housewife when they're together in their home 🙏✨

He won't be able to cook those five-star restaurant steaks for her, but you can at least expect him to cook some fried eggs that are a bit burned on the side (or maybe even underneath lol) - it's still edible. I can see him learning to cook other easy fried dishes or boiled dishes (boiled eggs ftw 👍) or maybe just plain eggs over rice (can you tell i love egg dishes, but I've never tried eggs over rice, I just discovered it in Gin//tama).

Then when he washes the dishes, he definitely broke glass plates or cups while attempting to do so. As time goes on, the frequency of that happening would decrease, but he'll still break a few from time to time. I can imagine even more scenarios but I'll stop there hehe He's not perfect, but he's doing his best!

One can also argue that they can just hire servants (or Kurumi can just bring a maid with her) since they're both Bosses of their respective Families, but they're also the type of characters who wants to live a normal life away from the underworld (at the very least, in their home life). Having "servants" or "guards" is off the list for that! So, it's just the two of them trying to live a simple life together in a comfortable apartment (...as simple as they can. They're not exactly normal people to begin with 💀).

I'll be stopping myself from any further rambling, this is long enough kdhddkhdjd Thank you for coming to my Housewife Tsuna and Domestic TYL TsunaRumi TED talk!🥰🥰🐟🎀 I've been wanting to yap about this, thank you again for sending this ask, yippeeee!!!

=====

reference for the short above, the og user in tik//tok alr deleted their acc unfortunately huhu

[lixenn]

*breaks into ur window so i can spill all my questions here while I read Yves' 😳😳✨ profile*

Lix...there are so many Marina mentions in Yves' profile sdjfbhsdf their beef is so hilarious to me, I might just start shipping them lowkey but then iirc Marina is alr married right? (another L for Ein, I will be staying in my DanxSqualo corner) 🤣😭🤣😭

Does Yves have a favorite flower in particular? Or maybe a flower that would represent them best?

I see that they're also a massage enjoyer!! How often do they get massages?

If "humiliating Marina in one of their verbal sparring matches" is one of their future goals, does that mean that that they've never really won? or does it always end in a draw? 🤣🤣

Heya there Ein!! *hands you a cup of tea* Nice having you drop by, it's always a pleasure 💜🫂✨

Yves and Marina

Yes... those two... I honestly don't know where that dynamic came from, it lowkey attacked me in a dingy alleyway and now I'm stuck with it lmao. As for shipping: Marina never married for love, she married for political ambition. She's fond of her husband and might even love him in some way but it's more of an owner indulging a particularly silly pet than anything substantial. He was a means to an end and he fulfilled it after Marina established her network and gave birth to her son. So technically her husband isn't really in the picture, but Marina's view of romance is... twisted. She likes the idea of it but often finds the reality... disappointing. Her family and her goals are her priority, anything else is inconsequential. To the surprise of everyone who knows them Dan is actually the more romantic out of the two siblings, which is why he really really doesn't like his sister's husband. But he will keep his mouth shut because Rina is happy with the situation. Yves on the other hand... They fail spectacularly at romance and dating because they miss the point of it entirely. There's no balance in all of their past relationships because Yves takes too much but never gives back. They manipulate and break hearts and cheat and they only feel an echo of pain when people leave them for it, if they even get a chance to do that. Most of the time Yves ditches their partners before they have a chance to break up with them. I can see the appeal for the ship though I feel like it would a be a very toxic one lmao.

Flower

Thanks to lovely @rebo-chan and her flower wisdom I can tell you that the flower that represents Yves is foxglove!

The foxglove is strongly associated with fairies, a fitting flower for the Fae. It's believed that fairies would play them as music in order to lure in those who are foolish enough to come into their gardens and from there they are tricked into sitting amongst the fatal blooms. They are painful if touched, and fatal if ingested. Foxgloves represent insincerity and deceit, but also immense pride in oneself and individuality and honestly this is Yves in a nutshell. They are arrogant, they lie and manipulate as they see fit but even if they put on different masks to trick their victims, they will always know who they are underneath. There's no taming the spark that makes Yves the selfish, beautiful, greedy individual that they are. In the end Yves will always be poison. Do not touch for you will suffer and do not look because if you do it's already too late.

Massage

Massages are the best and Yves knows it so they go to their favourite massage pallor bi-weekly. It's one of their many expenses which they can afford because their info isn't cheap by any means.

Verbal beatdown

Most of the verbal sparring matches do end in a draw since both Yves and Marina have silver tongues and a well of information at their backs. But more often than not Marina gains the upper hand which vexes Yves tremendously. Rina simply finds it hilarious and uses Yves' rage to further humiliate them. So even when they actually manage to win, Yves will always strive to beat Rina verbally into the ground.

[stokesy55]

you know in one of the hindi soap operas my grandmother watches, don't remember which one, there was the forced marriage trope, and the scene was that the wife was baking some cupcakes to win her husband over. then the hubby comes home, is like, "hey honey whatchu doing?" and she shyly goes up to him with a tray of the cakes she made, and is like, "here I made these for you. 😇" the hubby takes the plate from her, lifts it to his nose to take an appreciative sniff and says, "wow this smells amazing!" then his lip curls into this cruel smirk. "too bad i accidentally dropped the plate 😈" then, smirk widening, he dramatically lets go of the plate, which falls to the ground and shatters into a million pieces. then for good measure, the husband stomps on the spilled cakes, crushing them to crumbs under his shoe. she looks at him, shocked, her eyes filling up with tears. he yells at her something like, "i have told you a hundred and one times that I'll never consider my wife, so you should stop trying to act like one. now clean this mess up and give me a cup of tea, I'm tired, it was a long day at office." she's sobbing as she cleans up the spilled cakes. and you know my brain immediately went to pat and vk in omegaverse. 🤣🤣🤣 like ik pat is too nice to do that to vk, but it's still fun to imagine him as the heartless cake-stomping husband and vk as the poor wife here 🤣🤣🤣

ahahaha yeah you're right; Pat might not be happy about the forced arrangement but he's not heartless at all.

[acourtofwhatthefuck]

Coming Home (Part Ten)

Azriel x Reader

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine

Hey, it's me again! I felt a bit bad for that last cliffhanger so I thought I’d give you another part 🤣 this part gets a bit heavy…and I don’t know if I like how it’s written but I hope you enjoy it all the same! ❤️

Warnings: Minor child injury detail, some ANGST!

⧪

“Tell me where we’re going.” 

Azriel’s face was a sheet of pure, unflinching steel as the skies zipped past you. He’d barely spoken a word; had just scooped you up in his strong arms and shot into the air with little more than a grunt. You couldn’t tell if the sickness unfurling inside of you was born of being flown with alcohol still in your system, or the anxiety that had begun to prick at you.

Something was seriously, seriously wrong. You could see it in his eyes – the fury.

“Azriel.” You snapped, pounding a fist against his chest. “Tell me what’s going on! Has something happened to Rhys?” 

He glanced at you, then – as if surprised that your brother was your first thought. “Not Rhys.” He said quietly.

And then they came into view beneath you – the cold, harsh Illyrian mountains. The brush of forestry that bordered the war camp. Like an ugly blot of ink on a pristine page, the hell that was your former home glared up at you, reached out to you. 

“No.” You bucked in Azriel’s arms, and his hold on you tightened as if he’d anticipated it. “No! Put me down!”

You’d sworn – you’d sworn you’d never set a foot back in that soulless place you’d grown up in. That you’d never again allow it to sink its claws into you. The things you’d endured there–

“I’m sorry.” Az’s jaw set. “I wouldn’t bring you here if it wasn’t absolutely necessary…I wouldn’t come here if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. We – we need the help.”

You couldn’t breathe. You were going to faint, or vomit, or…something. The blissful effects of the alcohol were long gone, replaced by a sickening soberness. Azriel was unfazed by your thrashing against him as he banked, hard, and landed within a copse of trees. 

Setting you on the ground did nothing to keep you upright. Your legs buckled beneath you, and he caught you beneath the arms, steadying you. Already, the smells of burning campfires, of mud and metal, were stuffing themselves up your nose. That oppressive, suffocating feeling…you couldn’t–

“Look at me.” Az’s face appeared before yours, palms cupping your cheeks. The warmth of him was pleasant against your icy skin; soothing you the tiniest bit. “I need you to concentrate for me, Y/N. We need you.” 

You hadn’t realised you were crying until a tear spilled over, dropping onto Azriel’s hand. You could have sworn the winds carried the bite of your late father’s voice, the vicious words he’d spoken that had tainted this very place beyond repair. You tried and tried – to stare back at Azriel. To focus. To block it out. 

“The girls have been attacked.” He said, his voice gruff.

Nothing was making sense. You frowned, blinking against your tears. “Girls?” 

“After Under the Mountain,” He breathed, “Rhys did everything he could to change things around here – to make sure the young girls had equal opportunity to the boys. That they’d be educated and trained just the same. There was some pushback from the males, from the girls’ father’s...so Rhys sectioned a part of the camp off for the girls and had dormitories built…somewhere they could be guarded and trained safely.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Their fathers and some other males have retaliated – incited a riot. The girls weren’t guarded. They went in there and started picking them off, one by one. Clipping their wings.”

The shock of it was so icy cold, chilling you from the inside, that your emotions, your fear, became nothing more than background noise. Such a grotesque, evil practice – to clip anyone’s wings. To destroy their lives. Your ears were ringing.

“Madja is already here.” Azriel was already pulling you along, your boots scuffing against the forest floor. “And a couple of other healers. But we need all the help we can get, Y/N…the carnage…” 

With shaking hands, you wiped your tears away, fixing a mask of cool calm onto your face. This was your job; what you were trained to do. You couldn’t let your feelings get in the way and put anyone’s lives at risk. 

“Were any girls able to get to safety?” Your voice shook as you followed, trying to keep with Azriel’s pace.

“Some.” He nodded gravely. “Some ran to the cottages. Some hid. Some weren’t so lucky. Rhys and Cassian hunted every single one of the males down. They’re dealing with them now.” 

Dealing with them. Whatever they were doing, you hoped it was slow. And painful.

Azriel pulled you through the trees, leading you to an unassuming brick building, surrounded by makeshift sparring rings and sparse racks barely stocked with weapons. 

The sounds hit you immediately – crying. Screaming. 

You wondered if you’d turned as pale as the Shadowsinger had.

⧪

Carnage was the right word.

The metallic sting of blood tinged the air. The dormitories were packed full with the pained cries of young girls and the frantic voices of the other healers as they shouted instructions to one another. Some girls, otherwise unharmed, merely cowered together in corners, trembling in fright. There were bowls of water carried back and forth, a spread of medical instruments and supplies, beds and sheets and pieces of ripped fabric tossed all over the place. 

Where these girls usually ate and slept had been turned into an improvised infirmary.

Azriel pulled you along in great, hurried strides. Out of nowhere, Madja appeared in the hallway, falling to a stop before you.

“Thank the Gods.” She breathed. “You need to go – now. The room at the back there – the girl needs seeing immediately. There aren’t enough of us here.”

“I’ll help.” Azriel continued on. “Tell me how to help, and I’ll do it.” 

Madja had already bustled through the door to what seemed to be some sort of dining room; the bulk of the chaos appeared to lay in there, with beds shoved side-by-side on which the injured girls lay, their cries mixing in with one another’s. 

You pushed through the door Madja had directed you to, Azriel hot on your heels. 

Only one girl lay in this room – perhaps the youngest you’d seen. Her blonde curls splayed out around her as she lay face-down, her body periodically twitching and jerking as she shook.. 

She looked…tiny. Too small, even, to stand upright with a heavy pair of wings to send her toppling over. And the damage to her back…

You knew immediately there was no salvaging those small, barely-formed wings. Torn and shredded beyond repair…your only choice was to treat the damage before what remained healed awkwardly, poorly, and the poor little girl was left with painful nerve and muscle damage for life. 

You communicated all of this to Az with just a glance. No matter how much you wanted to buckle beneath the horror of the situation…to cry and cry until you were hoarse…an injured child needed you more than you needed yourself. 

“Tell me what to do.” Az pleaded quietly, not once tearing his eyes from the little girl. 

And so you did.

⧪

Her name was Thea, and she was six.

You did everything you could to ease her pain while you worked. Madja had been able to briefly drop by and help, but with so many other girls to see to, you were more or less on your own.

Aside from Azriel of course. Azriel was a lifeline. 

If you asked him to do something, he did it. If you told him you needed him to get something, he got it. And when there was nothing he could physically do while you worked your magic on fixing as much damage as you could, he sat by Thea’s side and soothed her quietly. Held her tiny hand in his own. Kept her calm enough for you to do what needed to be done. 

It felt like hours and hours of soaking your hands with blood. Stitching gashes and tears and bandaging her back. But even with all your effort and expertise, a sickening truth hung starkly in the air.

That little girl would never fly. Never know the song of the skies or the feel of the wind in her mass of blonde curls. A sick, vile coward had taken that from her. Sealed that fate forever. 

You wondered if Rhys and Cassian had killed them yet. You hoped so. 

Dawn was breaking by the time every girl had been seen to. Some would heal completely. Some had damage as severe as Thea’s. All of them would no doubt be left with the mental scars of what had been done.

An eerie silence had settled over the dormitories. With nothing more you could do for Thea than to let her rest and heal, you’d given her a sleeping draft; a chance for her small body to truly fall asleep and have some relief from the pain. Only when you were sure she was sleeping deeply on her front did you set about helping the other healers clean up the carnage. Draining away the bloodied water and setting a fire to burn the medical waste. It was a relief to not hear the cries of pain anymore – but the heavy emptiness left in their wake wasn’t much better.

The only thing you could cling to was that no lives had been lost. All girls would live.

Azriel didn’t leave Thea’s side for a long, long while, and you didn’t push him to. You could see the haunted shadows that had gathered in his eyes, the utter rage on his face. If it helped him to be a calming presence to a little girl who had suffered such horrors, you would leave him to be exactly that. 

After a while, you had begun to think that maybe he’d fallen asleep in the chair beside Thea’s bed. You were just making your way back down the hall when he stepped out of the room, looking as exhausted and battered as you felt. He raked a hand through his hair, his wings seeming limp and tired behind him. 

“You look dead on your feet.” His voice was rough, gritty. 

That just about summed up how you felt. You knew the enormity of the situation would hit you at some point…the true weight and emotions of the horror. You pressed a hand against the wall, your head spinning. When was the last time you ate? It seemed like so long ago that you were stumbling into your bedroom with that nameless male. 

“Come on.” Azriel made a grab for you, steadying you. “You need to sleep.”

“I’m not sure I can face the flight home–”

“Neither can I.” He still lifted you into his arms, though. “I’m taking you to your mother’s cottage. You can sleep there.”

Your eyes shuttered as Az carried you. Right – somehow, you’d forgotten you were even in Windhaven. There had been no room for your own trauma while trying to save the girls from theirs. Part of you wanted to face the flight after all – to get the hell out of there. Madja and two of the other healers were holding the fort, staying behind to keep an eye on the girls; you could return to Velaris if you truly wanted to.

But maybe you needed to show some of the bravery and strength that those children had. That Thea had. 

And the Mother knew, Az looked in just as dire need of sleep as you were.

So you allowed him to carry you across the camp. Blocked out the noise and the sickening presence of the Illyrians you hated so much. They laughed and chatted around flickering fires as though a travesty hadn’t occurred mere yards from them.

You hid your face in Az’s leathers, and you didn’t argue as he carried you into your mother’s cottage.

⧪

“Here.” 

You looked up, heavy eyes fixing on the rising tendrils of steam from the mug Azriel held out to you. He placed his own down on the small coffee table and joined you on the settee. He seemed far too big for it now. 

Tired as you both were, you were too wired to sleep. Too many things to think about, to work through. So the two of you sat in silence with your own thoughts, only the crackle of the fire accompanying you. 

Your eyes roved around the tiny open-plan space. It was strange…being back there. Like stepping into a past life. Walking in the steps of a ghost. Your mother had been dead a long time, now, and yet her presence was still very felt there. If you closed your eyes, you could swear you still smelt the bread she would bake, still hear the songs she would hum to you until you fell asleep. 

You glanced at the table, a fond, muted smile tugging at your lips. That Gods-damn table – the same one your younger self used to sit across from Azriel at, gazing at him whilst Cassian teased you and Rhys tested you on what things you’d learned that day. Cas had once coaxed you into carving a crude word into the wood until your mother had noticed and sent you to bed early.

Far, far simpler times. Far, far out of reach. 

Were you any bit the person you’d expected your younger self to grow up into? 

No. You weren’t.

“Talk to me…” 

You jumped, even though Azriel’s voice was barely above a whisper. You turned to face him, taking a long sip of the tea he’d made you. “What do you want to talk about?” 

“You saved that little girl’s life tonight.” 

Your gaze dipped. “Not her wings, though.” You murmured. “I couldn’t save her wings.” 

A fact you knew would haunt you forever, even if nothing could have been done about it. You closed your eyes, savouring the feel of the steam rising from the cup and fanning your face. Until the cup was taken from your hands.

Az placed it down on the coffee table, beside his. He scooted closer to you, angling his body towards you. You watched, your heart fluttering slightly as he cupped your face in his hands. Rested his forehead against yours.

It was…close. Intimate. The closest you’d been since the kiss in your bedroom. And you wanted nothing more than to lean into it, to not let go of his touch. 

But you behaved yourself. Didn’t move a muscle as his fingers stroked your cheeks, his breath brushing your lips. 

“She will be okay,” He murmured, “Because of you.”

“How can she possibly be okay, Az? What they did–”

“Was barbaric. Evil. But she will be alright. Just like you’re alright, despite all of the horrid things you suffered here.”

You barked a curt, humourless laugh, pushing out of his hold. “I’m hardly alright.”

Az said nothing. You knew he was staring at you, trying to read you. But you needed to move your restless legs, to shout or scream or just do something. To finally get rid of the thoughts that had hammered you constantly for the past three weeks. Maybe longer. You stood up, pacing the floor before him. 

“Y/N—”

“I,” You snapped, “am a mess, Azriel. A stupid, reckless mess.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I make one bad choice after another. I run away from my problems rather than face them. I act without thinking about who I might hurt, or what shame I might bring down upon everyone—”

“Bullshit.” Azriel spat. “What Rhys said to you was utter bullshit. You have to know that.”

But you didn’t know it. You weren’t even listening. As if the events of the last few weeks had just begun to creep up on you, the horrors you’d just faced weighing heavily on you, a laugh bubbled from your lips in near-hysteria. 

“Do you know the worst thing about it?” You spun on your feet, laughing again as your eyes met Az’s. “I think I do all of those things because I’m scared of who I am without them. I’m so scared of being that nobody my father said I was, that I would rather be a complete fuck-up than nothing at all.”

Azriel’s eyes were dangerous as he stood, his jaw visibly clenching. “Stop it.” 

“Look at all the shit that has happened since I came back. The trouble with Rhys and Lucien and Elain and you. Especially you.” You were pacing again, unaware of him moving closer. “I shouldn’t have come back. I should have stayed away.”

“Don’t,” Azriel snapped, “you fucking dare.”

“You—“

“I was fucking miserable while you were away. All those Gods-damned years, waking every day and wondering if that would be the day you turned back up on the doorstep. All the Starfalls and Solstices that you weren’t there to keep me sane amid all the chaos. All that time wondering if you were safe, if you were happy — I even kept the fucking note from the last Solstice gift you gave me, just so I had some part of you with me.” Finally, he inhaled a slow, deep breath; an attempt to quell his temper.. “So don’t ever say you should have stayed away, when you leaving destroyed me in the first fucking place.”

You’d gone cold. 

So uncomfortably cold. And still. Rigid.

What exactly he was saying, insinuating — you weren’t sure. But you were stunned by the sudden urge to cry as you stared at him.

“…Then why?” You whispered, furiously blinking away tears. “Why tell me to keep my distance from you?”

You hated how small you sounded and felt. But with how much you were trembling, trying to win a useless fight against your tears, there was no strength to muster. Nothing you could do. 

Azriel’s eyes shuttered. “Because I’m trying to do right by everyone. But I’m not sure I can.”

No, he couldn’t — you knew that. There was no possible way to please everyone…and you wouldn’t ever let him break his back trying to do so. But maybe…maybe you were being unfair. Maybe you’d asked too much of him in the first place. 

Maybe you could…could settle. The thought alone made you wince, but surely you’d grow used to it—

“I don’t expect anything of you, Az.” You said quietly. “Just…having you in my life is enough. I don’t want to keep my distance from you.”

Those deep, stunning eyes of his opened. Fixed on you. There were a thousand indiscernible thoughts written on his face. So many things you wanted to ask about, delve into. But maybe you needed to learn not to do so.

Maybe some things were just…better left alone. Your feelings in particular.

“I don’t want to keep my distance from you, either.” Az said. 

You inhaled a slow, deep breath. “So don’t. We can be…friends. Right?”

“…Right.” He studied your face. “Friends.”

You nodded, because that was all you could do. And even though you wanted to break, to cry until you could cry no more, you squared your shoulders and brushed past Azriel.

“I’m going to bed.” You told him softly. “Goodnight.”

Az nodded stiffly. “Goodnight.”

You climbed the narrow, creaking staircase, your heart heavy in your chest. Walking away from him felt so, so wrong, but it was time for you to have some semblance of control. Of restraint. 

But still – you couldn’t help wondering what may have been left unsaid.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags: @theravenphoenix26 @safetypinxtales @historygeekqueen @smartiepants217 @mulansaucey @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @issybee0611 @goldentournesol @percyjacksonspeen @high-bi-andreadytocry @esposadomd @positivewitch @bsenpai @cityofidek @shannonsaid @topaz125 @azzydaddy @nobody00sthings @sfhsgrad-blog @elizarikaallen @hanasakr @ruleroftides @mis-lil-red @reiincarnatiion @moonfawnx @new-adventures-every-day @davinaclaire16 @i-am-fascinated @lucyysthings @margssstuff @magneticforceofaswifty @xxoverthinkerxx @marigold-morelli @owllover123 @vera0124 @thewarriormoon @the-book-gnome @favoritecrime1 @pricklepearbloom @icantthinkofanythingplease @ilovespideyyy @kitty-kait @hwas-housewife @localhopedealerr @magical-mischief-makers @holywolfsstuff @grungy-blue-hipster @gracedarr @judig92 @intrxde @antistellxr @augustinerose @whhyyynottt @bestbelieveimstillbejeweled @acourtofmh @tonysttank @blurredlamplight @kristalhi @flightlesswentz @buckys-bbarnes

[sabrinathe20somethingwitch]

For the prompt: "You’re a lot more flexible than I thought.” Could be comedy included 🤣🤣🤣

AHHHH hey babe, sorry this took me so long, but THANK YOU FOR THE PROMPT YOU'RE THE BEST ILY 🥰

triggered by AP Erwin but really Erwin is fine in this one i promise

16. "You're a lot more flexible than I thought."

Levi stomps down the corridor of the castle, the step of his boots echoing and bouncing around the stone walls with every click. He balls his hands into his fists, before remembering that he’s carrying important documents between them. He takes a moment to loosen his cravat from his neck, muttering a soft tch under his breath, continuing to skulk down the hallway in the direction of Erwin’s office, where he’s been summoned for an impromptu briefing.

At night.

Goddess forbid Shitty Eyebrows actually consider the fact that tonight is his anniversary with his wife, who also happens to be pregnant. Petra had just entered her seventh month, but had been relegated to desk duty ever since she had entered her second trimester. She kept telling him that she’d return to the field after the baby was born, but a deeply selfish part of him was hoping that she’d change her mind. It’s not that he thinks she can’t handle herself, far from it; she was the most competent soldier during her time on the Special Ops Squad, his obvious favoritism for her aside. But he can’t help but wonder what would happen to their child if both of them perished in combat. The thought of turning his baby into an orphan makes him shudder.

Shoving his macabre thinking into the far corner of his mind, he’s just about to rap his knuckles against Erwin’s door when he hears an abrupt clatter and a distinctly feminine voice shrieking, “Ow!”

A distinctly feminine voice that sounds suspiciously like his wife.

“I’m sorry, Petra.”

“Oh, Erwin, it’s not your fault, I’m such a klutz.”

Levi freezes. What the fuck is Petra doing in Erwin’s office so late at night? She should be resting. And is she... giggling?

“I really admire the lace detailing, it’s an excellent choice.”

He can practically hear the blush in her voice. “Oh, you think so? Thank you, I thought it’d be a nice touch for tonight.”

Confusion colors his features, before he suddenly remembers his wife getting dressed early that morning, despite his best attempts to wrangle her back into their bed for more sleep and maybe a cuddle. She had waddled towards the dresser — a sight he would never tire of — and had donned a sheer, lacy bra and underwear set before shrugging on her skirt and blouse for the day. It was a simple set, some might even consider it a little modest, but the sight of her breasts, swollen from pregnancy and spilling over the cups, the patch of ginger curls at the apex of her thighs, teasing him from beneath the fabric... he’d been entertaining a hard-on the entire day and he’s aching for her attention.

But they can’t be talking about that, surely his boss and his wife are not discussing her undergarments together... are they?

Levi feels sick.

He presses his ear against the door, but he can’t hear shit. Their voices have dropped in volume and he can barely make out their muffled whispers over the sound of blood rushing past his ears, pounding in his veins. Relax, he repeats to himself like a steady mantra. This is all just a misunderstanding.

He’s just about worked himself down from a heart attack when he hears Erwin hum with appreciation. “Wow, Petra. You’re a lot more flexible than I thought.”

An unbidden image flashes to his mind of his wife, sprawled against the commander’s desk, with her legs hooked over Erwin’s shoulders, as he thrusts himself inside her.

Fuck this and fuck the meeting. Guess that old bastard is going to meet the Goddess herself tonight.

He barrels through the door, not even bothering to knock. “Oi, Erwin, get the fuck—”

The sight that greets him is not the sight that he had been expecting. He’d been prepared to see his wife being ravished by his commanding officer. Instead, he sees Erwin, sitting at his desk with his hands tucked beneath his chin, staring at him with furrowed, bushy brows. Petra is at the opposite side of the room, bent halfway down from the waist — no matter how many times he’s told her not to in her condition — struggling to reach for a box on the floor, despite the hinderance of her swollen stomach. She grabs it, humming a note of triumph under her breath before she’s aware of her husband’s presence lingering in the doorway. She squeaks, shuffling the box behind her, but not before Levi notices the ornate red bow, with lace detailing, wrapped around it.

They’re also both fully clothed.

“Levi, I’m glad you’re here. I was just... helping Petra with something.”

He stares at Erwin for a long moment, nostrils flaring in irritation, before swiveling to face his wife. “You should be in bed.”

Petra blushes bright red, sheepishly casting her eyes towards the ground. “Sorry, babe, I just... needed the commander’s help.” Upon seeing her husband’s suspicious look, she hurriedly adds, “But it’s nothing! Don’t worry! I’m fine, the baby’s fine, so nothing to worry about.”

He pins her with a scowl, almost identical to the glare he had given Erwin, before said man addresses him from his desk. “No need for a meeting tonight, Levi, take the night off. Be with your wife.”

He gives him a deadpan look. “How generous of you.”

Levi ushers Petra out of the room, holding a protective hand against her lower back. Erwin wishes them both a happy anniversary as they leave and he can’t help but flip him off before the door shuts in his face.

Once they’re in the corridor, Petra casts him an admonishing look, complete with her hands on her hips and her lips drawn together in a thin line. It’s her best attempt at chiding him and he’s always thought that she’s particularly adorable when she tries to act assertive. “Was that really necessary?”

“What were you doing in Erwin’s office?”

Her courage wilts and she instantly deflates, coiling a lock of ginger hair around her finger. “I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

“Surprise?”

She thrusts the box into his arms. “I was planning to give you this after our nice anniversary dinner that I spent all day working on and before we make love so that—”

His brain grinds to an abrupt halt at her words. “Wait, make love? Really?” A rush of blood quickly travels down the length of his body, pooling between his thighs and heating him from the inside out. It’s not his fault that his wife’s sex drive has drastically decreased throughout her pregnancy, she hasn’t always felt like getting fucked after her bouts of morning sickness. He can’t blame her for that.

She pinches the bridge of her nose, a habit of his that she’s picked up over the years. “Just open the damn box.”

Muttering under his breath about women and their damned hormones, he unravels the bow and opens the gift, revealing a plain white cravat.

Levi frowns. “What’s wrong with the one I already have?”

He instantly regrets his blunt words and callous attitude when he sees her features tighten with dismay, her mouth curling down at the corners into a pout. “I-I just thought... you might want a new one.” She tries to wrestle the box from his grip. “I knew it was a stupid idea.”

“No, no, I like it, I promise, see?” He hastily unties the current cravat from his neck, replacing the new one with expert precision. It’s a bit stiff and itchy against his collar, and the seams are a bit crooked in certain areas, but he decides it’s worth it when he sees the brightness in her eyes.

“Y-you like it? Look, I even stitched your initials into the inside of the fabric so no one will see.”

He makes a low noise of agreement in the back of his throat, interlacing their fingers and brushing his thumb across the back of her palm, before pressing a gentle kiss against her lips. He’s just about to suggest that they make good on her promise of dinner and love-making, when he remembers the question that’s been sitting on the tip of his tongue since he arrived at Erwin’s door. “But why were you in Erwin’s office with this?”

Again, she seems almost embarrassed as they continue down the corridor, back to their room. “I... I don’t really know how to sew and I knew I wanted to make you a new one and I happened to mention it to Erwin and he offered to teach me how to do it, and I figured it was good practice with the baby coming, I’d need to figure out how to sew clothes—”

“Wait a second.” The realization comes crashing against him. “Erwin knows how to sew?”

Levi truly learns something new everyday.

Petra merely nods. “And he’s quite a good teacher, too. While you’ve been in your office, I go to Erwin’s and he’s been helping me make it the past few weeks.”

His stupid insecurities seem to melt away instantly at her innocent explanation and he can’t help but wrap an arm around her waist and tug her closer — mindful of her stomach — to capture her lips in another kiss until he feels the curve of her smile against his own. He leans back with a satisfied smirk, barely a quirk of the lips, and presses his forehead against hers, breathing in her scent.

“Thank you.” He swallows. “Happy anniversary, Petra.”

“Happy anniversary, Levi.”

“...I seem to remember you saying something about fucking—”

“Levi.”

“Sorry, making love... but only if you’re up for it.”

Petra opens the door to their room, offering him a coy smile and hooking her finger towards him in a come hither gesture. “Why don’t you come find out?”

She is more flexible than he thought.

[the-void-writes]

Division 6 Kids as Incorrect Quotes

I just went to an incorrect quote generator to get some friend-squad content

(This is the only pic I have to represent the squad right now 🤣 I’ll find something better later)

“Can I copy the homework?”

Sarah: I can help you with it!

Thomas: Yeah, sure.

Riley: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Jin: lol nope.

Colin: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Kevin: *Read 5:55pm*

Jin: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Sarah: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Riley: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Thomas: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Colin: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Kevin: I have emotional scars.

Jin: Hewwo.

Sarah: Hihiiiiii!

Riley: Greetings, Humans.

Colin: Three kinds of people.

Thomas: I want pudding.

Jin: Four kinds of people.

Kevin: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?

Colin: Five kinds of people.

Thomas: What's a word that's a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Riley: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Kevin: Smad.

Thomas: Riley, keep an eye on Kevin today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Riley: Sure, I’d love to see Kevin get punched.

Thomas: Try again.

Riley, sighing: I will stop Kevin from getting punched.

Jin: Wake me up…

Sarah: Before you go go!

Colin: When September ends…

Will: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Jin: Shit.

Sarah: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Colin: OH MY GOD WILL FELL OFF!!!