#not oh my god can't overstate this

[bonebirds]

This got long but I'm fucking pissed. Content warnings for abuse mentions, trafficking mentions, discourse about discourse to prevent future discourse, "proshipper" nonsense, grooming, etc.

This is gonna be the one time I open my mouth about this because haha, hey, years of internalized fear and shame. I'm trying to lay down a boundary and that comes with so much anticipated backlash.

I do, for the record, have a background in Yelling about the crossroads of media/culture/literature/academia/games studies/trauma/capitalism. Which is a wide range and we can thank my comp exams in the PhD for that.

Since this is tumblr I also gotta just do the fuckin' disclaimer before anyone else feels like doing the "if you don't publicly condemn xyz then I'm gonna make your day worse" thing:

I don't participate in fandom and I don't ship things. I'm not about to defend specific instances or pairings because everything exists in subjective contexts, and texts especially so. But also, I have graduate degrees in English and text analysis and lived experience with CSA and trafficking that went on for a long fucking time. And I am very, very tired of being called the worst things you can call a trauma survivor because I don't care about shipping.

I'm not anti-ship, or whatever. I am not down for imposing my own trauma, feelings about it, and opinions on others in order to censor their art. Call me a proshipper if you want -- ignoring the part where I don't write fanfic or participate in fandom -- because I agree with them. I condemn CSA/CSEM, abusers, predators, the entire evil side of humanity but people who write fic aren't that. Neither are people who read it, even the most problematic of the problematic.

People can write, as fiction, as fantasy, whatever they want. There are no real people being harmed. I can distinguish between those things and, again, am a survivor of some very intense abuse. You're welcome to disagree. I'm fine with that if you're fine with me. I don't believe in absolutes when it comes to topics this complicated (and it is). I spent years on the opposite side, actually, because just the MENTION of things like incest or age gaps triggered me. And then I would do the same and get mad at the people writing it.

This is not healthy and it is not healing on either side of the argument.

But also in treating everything like such a monolithic moral purity test, where you're either good or deserve to suffer -- a test that I fail, because there is no room for things like Complexity -- you just spent a lot of time telling me I'm as bad as the people who trafficked me. Because of fiction. Because of fake things happening to fake people, based on an idea in someone else's head, people's real harm and real trauma means we're as bad as their abusers. That is so heavily the implication in so much of this talk. If I don't disregard my degrees, my training, my own experiences, my own principles and take a stand against people shipping things on the internet, I must basically be a predator!

That is violent and fucked up.

I don't want you around here, so block me and get it over with.

I (like a lot of people with trauma histories) use fiction and writing to process and heal. I don't even post them. A lot of that writing, and being able to seek it out, was helpful. It was a connection to someone else out in the world who maybe understood a little bit of the pain and fear and confusion.

There's a difference between fiction and real abuse. And the "but predators use it to groom vulnerable children" angle barely holds water -- predators use anything. Mainstream TV shows. Vending machine snacks. Gumballs. Access to a remote control to change a channel. A lot of things are more accessible and friendly to kids than making them read. Advocating for censorship, especially in today's political hellhouse, is not actually helpful. It just feels really righteous.

Which doesn't mean there aren't those trying to leverage fic to "normalize" abuse and grooming, I absolutely believe they have and do, but that does not justify externalizing your pain and trauma onto others, or policing them, or trying to take control back by claiming an imaginary moral high ground and pinning other people to it. It also doesn't mean that censoring the internet of all things icky to you saves the world, the kids, anything. It just means they'll find easier avenues, of which there are already so many. It also means you're all just attacking people from a place of presumed hurt rather than compassion, curiosity, anything like that.

So.

Anyone whose stance on this entire thing boils down to "you agree with me or you're a secret pedo enabler," you need to leave.

I'm happy to talk about it if you want! I don't think people trying to draw those lines are right but I think they're well-intentioned, until they start calling me shit that triggers entire mental collapses. You know. In the name of saving the children. Which hasn't been a red flag for conservatism and oppression for hundreds of years or anything, either. How many kids do you think are protected by shutting down places they can actually go and talk about the darkest shit in their heads? How many of us just suffer unbearable pain and isolation because the culture around us is shame-based and if you think about things like that, you're Just Like Them?

This ain't about protecting kids, basically. This discourse never has been. It's about being righteous and never examining why that is. It's about lashing out and displacement. I think the concern for victims is real, like I said, but that concern can translate to actual, real help elsewhere. People are DOING the work to make the internet safer. This? Is not that work.

You are responsible for how you manage your trauma and pain, and that has to include not taking it out on others. Full stop. Even when you disagree. Even when everything in your brain is going DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS WE MUST STOP THIS because someone ships something you think is wrong or uncomfortable. It sucks, and it sucks we have to do that, and it sucks we have to learn how. None of us asked to. None of us wanted to end up here. It's not victim blaming to say you're accountable for your own recovery.

But while you are here, maybe consider that the name/shame/blame model hasn't been working either. For hundreds of fucking years. We know shame doesn't motivate people to care, or learn.

But especially when you're weaponizing shame against trauma survivors for recognizing their own experiences in literature, art, stories. We all struggle with toxic shame. Using it against people until they agree with you?

Holy shit just look in the mirror one day, I guess. But block me first.

[unionizedwizard]

MY FRIEND CAME OVER TODAY (the visiterrrrrrr etc etc) AND SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BISHOUNEN??????? i'm losing my mind

[sezja]

I said this to @morocosmos this morning but I think my favorite thing about this is. The look on Zawpya and Wawlika's faces as Shenza goes Full Jeryk.

Much like Thaffe and Magnus, they are Not Ready

(And I think it will be deeply funny if it turns out Nitowikwe - a woman famously prepared to drive an explosive-packed train into a hostile fortress without a moment's hesitation - is.)

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao

[graciousdragon]

[artsekey]

Hey op, art therapist here, responding to your comic about your first ever session in therapy-

And oh my *GOD*- I am SO sorry that was your first experience. I’m absolutely dumbfounded the therapists behavior. And to find out in notes she was 15 minutes late?? I sincerely hope you have found or find a better therapist. That is absolutely ridiculous

I see a therapist and my therapist LOVES when I come in with a list of things and reasons why I think it’s going on. As a therapist- i know it helps you develop better self awareness when you write down what’s going on in the moment to help reflect on it (as someone with ADHD its primarily to help me remember lol.) So that initial response from that therapist was super weird and to say “it’s not my process???” For insight- UM!!!?!? WHAT’!?!? THATS YOUR JOB IS TO GIVE INSIGHT!?!?

As a therapist I’m so upset for you that’s just so ridiculous. You coming in knowing exactly what you wanted and with everything ready is honestly every therapists dream. It’s okay to not have a goal yet or ever- but it just shows how “on it” you are and how you want to be an active member in your treatment. Good on you op seriously.

Sorry to rant in your ask- I just fuckin love my job so much and seeing other therapists fuck around like this makes me livid. Keep doing you op! I hope you found/find a better therapist!! You got this!!

Thank you for this! Honestly, I'm really glad I posted that comic. I'd been thinking about going for years just to "tidy up", as it were-- I firmly believe that therapy can be good for anyone, no matter the scope of the problem. A lot of people have encouraged me to keep looking, and that's largely why I think I will-- It was a lot for me to make and go to this appointment, and because I have no other perspective on therapy, the whole experience reaffirmed my suspicions that what I want to work on might be "too small" to bother with (and/or too niche). I really can't overstate how her last comment about the fact that I put my needs aside contributed to a "net good" would've obliterated me a few months ago!

I'm not going to get into the weeds about it because at that point it's personal, but the comics honestly don't do it justice; it was like she took every one of my concerns, ignored them in favor of what she thought was the direction we needed to go in, blew past every "exit" sign I put on the road to get us back on track. It was infuriating.

[intertexts]

cannot overstate how much dakota's whole thing has gripped me by the brain for months now btw. yeah you have nightmares of being paralyzed and held down and opened. yeah when a woman heard that you were a victim of that doctor she went oh my god i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry. you can't even conceptualize yourself as a victim because you wanted it. yeah you didn't ask for it yeah it was forced on you but its fine its okay see it was good. yeah it hurt that's normal right. you don't know how to not make excuses for adults who took advantage of you. you offer your body for the trickster to use to replace ashe because it's fine, whatever people do to you. and it's not supposed to be like sexual assault at all even a little bit????

[neon-ufo]

I have a SheezyArt account! 💖

I've only been on it for a day, mostly fiddling with my profile design and such, but oh my god I can't overstate how nostalgic it is!! ;;

The site feels a LOT like deviantART used to back when it was good, but with many quality-of-life improvements and ideas that we are accustomed to nowadays

I'm in total disbelief that such a true old web-style artist site exists and is active in the year of our lord 2024, what a delight!

Atm the signup is very limited (I think only 10 people can join every 7 hours or something like that), but you can join at any time with a one-time (or monthly, if you so desire) subscription of $3, $15 or $25, depending on the tier you want.

[nerves-nebula]

so a little while ago i was watching this video from this sociopath lady and one thing she said offhandedly really struck me, which is that she doesn't feel love, so to her love is actions. which like. yeah, same. exactly the same.

im not sure if i don't feel love, but i know that my experiences with abuse means that i really REALLY don't care how much you feel like you love someone on the inside. if you don't take their feelings into consideration i don't care how much affection and attachment you feel for them, that's not "real" love to me. cuz i can't verify how you feel inside, i can only see how you act.

I believe my parents mean it when they say they love me, but i don't believe that their definition of love fits in line with mine. so to me its worthless. on the other hand, my oldest sister has always loved me and not always acted like it, but i take their love as real/meaningful because when i said i didn't want to talk to them because they were always mean, they changed. they worked on themself.

like i cannot overstate how little someone's internal feelings matter to me. i'm not super offended if someone isn't capable of loving me the way they "should" be able to on the inside. what does that matter to me? I wouldn't be able to know for sure the feelings their describing are the ones i want anyway.

what i care about is if they care enough to be sensitive about my needs and desires. i might not feel love normally, but i remember to bring my roommate the lemonade she likes that's sold on campus. i might not be able to feel like i am loved in may daily life, but those moments when someone remembers me are the closest i'll get to it.

when my roommate remembers the kinds of snacks i like? when my coworkers warn me that something is about to make a loud noise? i'm genuinely touched. like, oh my god you not only remembered this thing about me but are going out of your way to show that you care enough to make my existence slightly better. ok im going on a rant now but yea idk this is important to me.

[allgremlinart]

hai good friend,, tell me about mai. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of her before… look what we are doing to our beautiful queens 😔

YIPEE I love when me going insane about a character for a day makes you curious about them... especially cus atp I can kind of predict what is going to pique ur interest

ok ok: so, Mai. She's 1/3 of Azula's Evil Girl Group, colloquially known as Ozai's Angels, and thats the context you see her in for most of the show which is why it's important to know. You know how all cartoons in the 2000s HAD to have ONE morose goth chic? Well she is atla's quota. She's a noble, she's an only child (THEE only child. The first only child they made at the only child factory <33), she fights with 🔪KNIVES 🔪!!! she's Zuko's canonical comphet love interest and she has a very understated but underrated arc..

Her role/arc in the show:

I mentioned Ozai's Angels because her interactions with Azula and Ty Lee are the real meat and potatoes of her character. They're like... baby's first toxic yuri love triangle <3333 REALLY can't overstate how toxic yuri love triangle they are. Mai and Ty Lee end up betraying Azula in season 3 which is both the climax (imo) of Mai's arc and the inciting action for Azula's descent (but we're not getting into Azula never ask me to get into Azula please). A lot of people reduce Mai going turncoat to JUST being about saving Zuko - and like partially it IS. She saves Zuko from dying because she loves/cares about him and that's a big part of it.

But it's ALSO about her finding her voice ?? Like throughout the show we NEVER see her voice opinions about something unless it's to say that she's bored, or jaded, or what have you. She never seems to have strong feelings about anything; her stated reasoning for joining Azula's Imperialism Girl Band is because she's bored living with her parents 💀 but it's like. It becomes clear to the audience later in the show that she was raised to never speak unless spoken to, to mask emotions, etc etc LIEKKK SHE'S SOOO REPRESSED ONLY CHILD SHE'S SO WOMAN TM... So her telling Azula "I love Zuko more than I fear you" was THEE cuntiest moment EVER because it's like oh shit ?? this is something pretty unexpected from this character ?? Waow so crazy so cunt ??

A lot of people point out that she and Ty Lee never really got a "ohhhh Imperialism is bad" arc like Zuko did but. imo there wasn't a whole lot of room in the show for it lol. Would have been something interesting to explore in the comics for sure !! but uhmmm I'd rather walk into the ocean than watch Gene Luen Yang try and write about imperialism and colonialism again so maybe its better we never got that.. (no offense to him he's just... not that great at doing it in the atla comics...not his strength..)

Her reception in fandom:

She's usually only ever talked about in the context of being Zuko's love interest (either positively OR negatively) hence my post that you saw. Like. Victim Numero Uno of zutara/kataang shipping wars cus at least a bunch of people LIKE Aang whereas people either ignore or actively dislike her.

There's often discourse about like. Who's the "toxic" one in the Mai/Zuko pairing and it's annoying when she gets flak for it cus like newsflash: they both are. My GOD they both are. They've canonically broken up twice. They're the emo boy/goth girl pairing. They're cute together. They're miserable together. They're both homosexual. You get it.

Also a lot of times people just call her boring or emotionless and it's like congrats !! you have fallen for her facade... in conclusion... sorry this is so long uhm.. your fault for asking me though... how long is it going to take until I've just told you the entire plot of this cartoon piecemeal ask by ask...

[linskywords]

OH MY GOD MS. LINSKY HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!! Absolutely loving Kiss Your Boyfriend so far. Can I ask how do you maintain such a high level of productivity with your writing? Your output is incredible! If you feel like sharing how much time you spend writing per day / how many words you average per day that would be really interesting, plus how you find the time / inspiration to write so much? Thanks.

This is so kind, thank you!! This answer got super long and somewhat off-topic, so I'm putting it below a cut.

I am incredibly lucky in my writing time, especially for someone with a small baby. A bunch of years ago I talked my office into letting me go half-time so that I'd have more time to write -- at the time I was thinking specifically of novels, which I have written several of (though not with a level of quality that I'm happy with). Since having a baby last year, I've pretty much only been interested in writing fanfiction; hence the output you've seen. You can pretty much track how much novel-writing I've been doing by looking at my ao3 stats page and seeing how high the wordcount is for a given year. if it's low, there's probably a novel draft or two to blame.

This is a digression, but one that I'm going to include because it's inextricably tied up for me with thoughts about my writing time: having a baby has made me feel much more conflicted about my schedule. We have her in full-time daycare -- partly because it's pretty hard to find anything else around here and it's not nearly as much of a discount to go part-time as you feel like it should be, but also because it's always been understood, between my husband and me, that my writing time is something to be protected at most (not all) costs. I cannot overstate how glad I am for this. That writing time has been absolutely sanity-preserving for me in the first year of motherhood. Baby sleep-and-wake times have pretty much eaten my evenings and weekends, but I still have Thursdays and Fridays and the occasional Wednesday where the only work I have to do is write. It's an unbelievable luxury, and one that's let me feel like I'm still a person and not just a mother. And it's one that I still feel guilty about, even while feeling grateful.

Part of the reason I feel guilty and not just grateful is that over the past year I've been wrestling with my relationship with original fiction. When you're working towards becoming a novelist, you can feel like, okay, it's lucky that I can support myself on half a week's salary, and also it's morally okay because I'm working on acquiring this other Real Job! A Novelist! That's a real thing that pays the bills! (Ha. If only it did, cry a million novelists as I type this.) Capitalism is a scam but it's also a real force that operates on our lives and our psyches. That half a week that I'm not working is half a week when my husband is doing something to further our family's survival and I am not. It's half a week when I could be spending full days taking care of my baby, as certain segments of society would tell you is the greatest thing a woman or person can do, regardless of whether or not they enjoy that type of work (I do not). It would feel more justifiable to me if I were using that time to become A Real Artist -- by which I of course mean one who gets paid. But that part of it really is a scam: fanfiction isn't less of an art just because I don't get paid for it. It's just an art that people can't make a living at, and I'm unbelievably lucky that I don't have to.

I don't know if I'll find myself motivated to return to novel-writing anytime soon. There are parts of me that want the challenge of creating something more structurally complex, that love inventing something entirely new, and those parts are worth listening to, unlike the parts of me that feel like an inadequate imposter because I'm not published. So: maybe. But the publishing industry is its own nightmare, and it's hard to want to dive into it when I currently have so much creative freedom and a place to share my work that doesn't rely on the professional gatekeepers. We also don't currently need the income I might make as a novelist -- which is good, because my understanding is that the idea of making even minimum wage as a novelist is laughable, and I'd do much better going full-time at my job and only writing during weekend baby naps.

So those are the current, very fortunate circumstances of my writing life. Hopefully they will make you feel better if you're someone who works full-time or has other full-time responsibilities or just otherwise can't spend the equivalent of two full working days each week writing, and you're looking at how much I've posted so far this year and thinking that you should have been able to write just as much. Maybe you can, if you're able to find that kind of time in your own life and want to spend it writing, but maybe you can't or maybe you just don't want to and I hope it helps to know I haven't been dashing these stories off during my lunch break or something.

As for speed, I am a relatively fast writer, I think, though not exceptionally so. I usually aim for about 1K an hour when working on a rough draft. If I know a lot about where I want a story to go, it can be faster than that, but I can't sustain that for too many hours in a row. There have been days in recent history when I knew what I wanted to happen and I wrote 9-10K in a day, and I always feel like my brain has been scoured out afterwards and then I'm not usually very productive for a couple days afterward. So probably a more sustainable pace for me is 5-6K of new words per writing day, and then sometimes I'll realize I've taken the wrong approach and have to scrap a bunch of words and go back, and other times it'll have been a while since I last looked at a story so I'll have to go to the beginning and catch myself up, which involves a lot of rewriting also. And then there are days that are supposed to be writing days but something won't click, or I'm sick because I have a daughter in daycare and that means all the germs. So my output is super variable.

I will say, though, that one of the most profound impacts fanfiction has had on my life is that I WANT to sit down and write now. When I first decided I was serious about writing I had a few months off between jobs and decided to use them to write a novel that had been living in my head for a few years at that point. Getting myself to sit down and work on it was like herding slugs. It was an agony of procrastination. At one point I think I watched the entirety of The West Wing between one writing session and the next. I wanted to write, or at least I wanted to want to write, and it made me miserable that I wasn't and yet I still didn't. Writing is really, really hard, and almost anything feels easier in the moment!

But fanfiction has never felt like that to me. It's challenging in plenty of ways, and it's still a lot of work to create a story, but for me it's also a joy. It makes me think of how I used to play dolls when I was a kid, coming up with stories for them to act out. And they didn't have to be the world's most complex stories, with multiple interlocking plots and no words wasted, the way I feel like a novel has to be (I'm probably slightly wrong about this, but only slightly). Writing fic has taken away the barrier I used to face when sitting down to write, where it felt like I needed to hurdle a small building to even start putting words on the page. And the amazing thing is that that ease of starting has transferred to original writing as well. My body and mind have a habit of sitting down at the computer and having fun with words, and I can tap into that even when what I'm writing isn't fic.

And I really do love it. There is nothing in the world as satisfying to me as writing. I'm a little bit of a control freak, and writing is something where I can make things happen exactly the way I think they should. Sitting down, playing out the characters' emotions, figuring out how to make it feel real and compelling, guiding them towards the story I want them to have...there is literally nothing I am better suited for or enjoy more.

As for inspiration...well, in addition to the above, I just really, really want these stories to exist. There is something absolutely irresistible to me in getting characters together, especially if being together means having something that they desperately need but can't admit that they want. The most alluring story premises to me are the ones where there's An Obstacle, a thing that seems like it will bar these two (or three, or four) being together in a real way -- a dam behind which tension can build up, more and more over the course of the story, until the obstacle finally gives way and we have all that lovely tension release. And then the poor deprived main character who didn't think he was even allowed to want what he wanted can finally have it. One of the reasons I DON'T enjoy writing original fiction as much is that genre conventions tend to demand that other things happen in addition to that delicious tension buildup and release. Why dilute it when you could just write the pure thing??

So that's the long answer about my writing circumstances and motivations. I hope you found it interesting, anon -- or at least that you continue enjoying the effects! I have such a voracious appetite to write these stories right now; as long as I keep having the time, I don't see that changing anytime soon.

[ruthlesslistener]

do you have any headcanons for anything you've been holding onto, but haven't had a good chance to post about? I love your fics and I wanna peer into your mind palace

Shhdhchs EXCELLENT bc ive had a lot of thoughts but this quarter + anxiety in general has been killin me

-Okay so I'm still hyperfixated on Destiny 2 bc of a DnDestiny game I'm in, but since Hollow Knight is a special interest and I read a couple of frankly stunning crossover fics (one with the Inheritance Cycle, one with Transformers, both are outstanding and I will recc them wholeheartedly if you ask- the TF one especially blew my tits clean off which is saying something bc I have zero TF knowledge, also its 500k words but I'm rambling), my brain has been essentially locked into the concept of a crossover AU where a couple of my D2 OCs get slingshot into the HK world via a fucked-up warpgate through wish-dragon magic, and it's now got me kind of obsessed with the idea of the world of Hollow Knight taking place on an alien planet that had some convergent evolution re: general insect body plans, but went off the fuckin' rails with everything else. So here's some worldbuilding thoughts on that:

-Their planet would be far from Earth and the origin place of the Ahamkara and precursor race to the Worm Gods, who are distant relatives to each other that took to the stars to opportunistically feed off of rifts in reality. They are in turn sister taxa to the Wyrms and Higher Beings from Hollow Knight, who also feed off of the wants, desires, and gulf between what-is-desired-and-what-is-true, but unlike the worms and wish-dragons, the Higher Beings are essentially 'settled' species. They're the farming civilization to the hunter-gatherers of their Destiny-based kindred, and yes, both branches of the family tree fucking despise each other and look down scornfully on the other's lifestyle. The Higher Beings view the Worms and Ahamkara as little more than scavengers, while the Worms and Ahamkara see the Higher Beings as glorified slavedrivers with sticks up their asses- though it should be noted that since the Ahamkara's whole deal so far has been malignant trickery as a hunting style, this doesn't neccessarily carry the same negative connotations that it would in our society. I also don't know enough about the proto-Worms to say how their race would react, but the Worm Gods as they are now certainly are something that Wyrms would look down on

-(Yes that means I have thought extensively about the Pale King's ghost bristling aggressively at a baby ahamkara barely a few hours old. In my defense, it's funny, and also I almost never remember to write him as the cold, prickly, arrogant ass that he is bc his kids make him Big Sad)

-The planet would likely be smaller than Earth with lighter gravity, though how much smaller I can't say because I'm not a fuckin' physicist. I just want an excuse for making fuckoff-huge animals a thing even beyond the inherent space magic thing going on

-Oh, and most life is underground because the atmosphere is thinner than Earth and so the upper surface gets bombarded with deadly amounts of radiation, which causes the mind-wiping effects of the Wastes (where the angle towards their sun is the greatest and thus the strongest). Ngl I did briefly think about potential magnetic field fluxes also being the cause of that effect but like, I cannot overstate how little I know of things outside biology

-HK being set on an alien planet lets me do wack shit with the species there too bc I'm no longer bound by comparing them to Earthbound species. For example, I can make Quirrel an isopod with cricket legs. Who's going to stop me, God? He doesn't exist here

-That also means I can stop being bothered by Herrah's dubious leg placement bc it would kill me forever otherwise

-Also, them being on an alien planet gives me even more of an excuse to never put traditional vertebrate species in there, which is great. I've said it before, but putting Earth vertebrates in the HK setting totally ruins all the fun for me because I love the concept of all the species diversity being made up of invertebrates, and that the 'advanced' bugs we see have filled the niche that vertebrates would have otherwise taken over. Like the carboniferous period but on steroids

General HK thoughts too:

-been toying with the idea of wyrms having a set of evertable inner jaws like polychaete worms, which would be used for keeping dirt out of the mouth and biting off chunks to eat, while the outer jaws (the ones we see) are used for killing, digging, and sparring with other wyrms. The idea is that the outer ring of mandibles bites big circular chunks out of the substrate, which then breaks off into tiny pieces they filter out in between gaps in their mandibles and pack down into tunnel walls as they move forward

-I've also been toying with the idea of them secreting some kind of mucus as they dig that's almost a calcifying substance, but now that I think about it, I can probs just put those glands in their frontal mouth so if they need to reinforce a tunnel (like, say, one burrowed in sand instead of rock), they can mix their saliva in with the substrate to chemically solidify the tunnel walls

-Which btw is a major thing for ecosystems bc the tunnels are used for lots of different things by lots of different species. Wyrms are terraformers baybee!! Kinda the same way wildfires are, but still

-I've also been thinking about maybe making it so that the row of plates I like to draw on their backs act as a secondary pair of belly scutes, which means that wyrms can slither just as easily upside down as they can on their undersides, which helps underground. It's not as efficient as the super-smooth scales on a blind snake, but that's the tradeoff they get for needing to be so heavily armoured

-I'm also leaning towards making marine/freshwater variants that are just straight-up bobbit worms on even more steroids, but since I already have fuckoff huge marine alien bobbit worms in a scifi setting of mine, I'd need to figure out a way to make them unique

-I learned that there's internalized folds of exoskeleton for muscle attatchment in my invertebrate biology course and got really excited about that being a potential basis for the formation of skeletal elements in the world of Hollow Knight- like, maybe bug bones started off as those lil folds (i forgot their technical name which is embaressing bc i literally just took the final this night) becoming stronger and deeper-set into the body to better support the weight of larger and larger bugs, and then it spiraled into a skeleton analogue from there. Being derived from the exoskeleton probably means that it would be less strong than our bones, but it would likely also be lighter

Misc:

-God I really need to write Hornet in Silksong so bad. Fuck. I need need need to write this mildly autistic unsocialized princess running amok in a civilization that isn't ready for her. Also my interpretation of Lace is basically an oc at this point but I don't want to do anything with her just yet bc that shits a lot of work, I just need to write everything down for her so far (and tbh Lurien probs also counts at this point but thats more filling a niche that TC left unfufilled)

-I've also got gijinka thoughts in that I'm leaning towards making Lurien a trans guy who didn't have any gender-affirming surgeries bc a.) I love love love making a variety of trans characters and b.) Hallownest isn't a society where the concept of being transgender is an issue, so there's no need to do it to pass, only to prioritize your own comfort. And since Lurien never expected to be seen in anything but his formalware, he never saw the point of bothering

-(The aformentioned point also applies to normal bug Lurien but this is more of a personal thing here)

-Need to focus more on how the latent magic of the god of a realm changes your eye colour, with the more intense the shade = the more involved you are with their magic. Using Lurien as an example again: his eyes were brown naturally, but after he became Watcher, they slowly shifted to shades of paler and paler blue. I also like the idea of Quirrel's eyes getting more blue the more memories of Hallownest he unlocks, until they're the same shade as the Blue Lake in his final scene

-This can also happen in reverse; for example, my Lace gijinka starts off with gold eyes to signify the church of Pharloom's hold over her, but then slowly revert back to brown as Hornet gives her more and more hope that the institution can be toppled, until they're eventually their natural deep brown with just the faintest flecks of silver in them (signifying Hornet's importance in her life)

-It just occurred to me the other day when I was at work that Striga and Morgana from Castlevania S3 are almost exactly how I imagined my Vespa and Herrah gijinkas to be and now I can't stop thinking about it. The main difference is that my Herrah is a fat spider-orc with tats and Vespa is a fae queen with bee features shimmering through her human veil, but still. Its uncanny

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

I am so upset about Buwei's death but very curious about what is coming next. Since this is a c-drama and they can't have an immoral Emperor on the throne as an endgame, I suppose that the Yong family is going down one way or another. Let's hope they take the Qi household with them, especially Princess Pingning.

Team Prince Yan!

***

Yawn.

My lack of sympathy for this woman and her whole family cannot be overstated.

***

Did any of you care whether other people lived or died?

Fuck you both.

And the best part is that his stupid ass thought that if he was to whine in front of the Emperor about Minglan, this useless man would grant him the marriage 🤣🤣

***

He has already forgotten that she beat Buwei to death because of him, smh, and they are back to business as usual.

Human lives literally mean nothing to either of them. I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she murdered a pet hamster to hurt me, let alone a whole human being 😡😡

***

Hopefully, he will be lucky enough not to meet you in his next life.

***

Oh, boo-hoo.

How terrible for your mother and you that your delusions of grandeur are just that. Delusions. Classism is hell of a drug.

I hope you get squashed.

***

Do it!! Please! Make my day!!

***

LMAO, WHAT HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

You have literally had people raped and kidnapped, and very likely murdered. And here you are, threatening to murder more. The cognitive dissonance, I cannot 🤣🤣

***

Oh, yes, your daughter is going to be so happy in this marriage 🙄

Sooooooo happy!! Everything a loving parent would want for their child 🙄🙄

They are all literally insane. Unlimited power and wealth have rotted their brains.

***

That this needs to be spelled out for him is just 🤯🤯

And, like, we don't even go as far as Consort Yong. His own shitty mother could and would do this if he was to somehow elope with Minglan. This is also why there is absolutely no chance the Sheng family would allow this marriage to happen without the Duke and Duchess of Qi fully onboard and Minglan would never do anything that would jeopardise her entire family, such as run off with him without their permission.

***

MTE, Qi Heng, I fully agree with you on this.

Why anyone would bother to even cross the street for your worthless ass, let alone bloody their hands to get you, is very much beyond me.

***

LMAO, YOU ARE A USELESS MOTHER!

He is not a "thing", he is a whole human and you are talking about marriage here, an entwining of lives. How happy is she going to be, married to a man who resents her? Who married her only because you threatened to kill his parents and the woman he loves? Are you serious? OK, I can buy that an endlessly indulged princess will have the brain power and impulse control of a toddler and may not be able to see the full consequences of this, but what is your excuse? Moreover, what is your husband's excuse? All of you have worms for brains.

***

I'VE BEEN SAYING!!

Why must you make me agree with Qi Heng, smh?

Anyway, I can't wait to watch Zhu Yilong in something else. No love for this particular character but he's really fantastic, very subtle and very expressive.

***

Oh, thank god.

Hopefully, now Minglan can let him go and go back to being her usual intelligent self. This doomed side ship has been getting on my last nerve.

***

What the absolute fuck are you talking about, Gu Tingye? I thought you were supposed to be smart and looking out for Minglan!

Yes, please kidnap a fucking Imperial princess and see how well that works out both for the House of Qi and Sheng!

Why is everyone stupid all of a sudden?

***

How is Yuanruo the one speaking common sense all of a sudden?

Gu Tingye, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[bloomingdarkgarden]

Humbly asking for any exquisite book recommendations please. 🙏 I'm in dire need of a good angsty slow burn that melts my heart in anyway close to what inspires you to write as you do. 🔥 Your writing is so uniquely you and I can't wait for you to publish your own craftsmanship. Until then, I'll humbly take any romance book recs and eagerly wait for story updates. 🙇‍♀️

Hi beautiful,

So I generally keep my summer reads light and magical and save angst for the fall but oh my god I just finished Juniper and Thorn by Ava Reid and it absolutely ruined me in the best way.

It is a Grimm fairytale retelling set in a russian-coded world where magic is sort of dying and being replaced by industry. The main character is a witch bound at home by her cursed wizard father. Her and her sisters escape at night to explore the revels of the city and she falls for a male ballet dancer who helps her escape confinement. The romance is tender, sensual and angsty and full of pining. Be warned, this book goes into some very dark places and the world is just dark in general. Loads of gothic and horror elements- but magic and whimsy too. A one eyed goblin lives in the yard, etc lol.

Ava Reid's prose is incredibly atmospheric and lyrical, which mine leans towards- so if you like my writing you will devour hers. She is a master storyteller, her words are haunting and will pull at the threads of your soul in an absolutely profound way. There were points in this book where I had to set it aside because a passage of prose just quelled something so deeply in me I had to adjust. Reid's work is nowhere near the same ballpark as SJM's - Ava's writing is truly leagues above, albeit darker in nature. Anyway I have a recc list going I'll post soon with more books 🖤 Here's some J+T passages:

He was still painted in gold and wearing his feathered mantle, and his chest was still heaving but there was no muddle of vodka in his gaze, nothing between his eyes and mine. I felt oddly naked then, even though he was the one bare-breasted. I felt stared to my marrow, looked at in a way people only ever looked at my sisters. It was like someone were fishing for coins in a fountain and had finally closed their fingers around the one that was me.

Another passage:

"Let her eat black plums and never taste the poison. Let her bathe naked in the stream without ever drawing a hunter's wanton eye. Let all the bears she meets be friendly and pliant, and never men in disguise. Let her never fall prey to the banality of the world. Let her never fall in love."

Criminally beautiful writing i cannot overstate.

[wormheamer]

I can't fucking believe I ever supported azriel

Im a fucking monster oh god oh god what have I done

I cant take back any of the horrible things I said to pan and emily

Fuck fucjf8fnfk

This might be my last post

listen, okay

i get it

you can't take it back. that's true.

but hating yourself for it doesn't do anything. it won't help them, and i really cannot overstate how bad it is for you, too — not just in the sense of it hurting you, which you might not care much about right now, but because, speaking from experience, it makes you more likely to lash out at others. not less.

all that i can say is just ... try and learn from it, i guess? i doubt pan and emily are ever coming back. but pansear's not the only person to have false allegations levied against them in this fandom, and more scandals like this will probably occur in the future.

there will be other people who those around you think are guilty of horrible things, but aren't. so be careful. that's all i ask of anyone. it's not about what or who is good or bad. just be careful, wait for actual evidence to come out, and try to see the best in people.

that's all any of us can do, in the end.

[shipmistress9]

Omg I'm so excited for all of these!

I will humbly ask for literally any of your riorgail prompts!

Riorgail - mast. Overst.

Riorgail - Ball Prompt

Riorgail - reciprocating

I want to know about them all but you pick which one you want to tell us about most! 😊🤭🖤

🥰 Thank you so much for this ask!

And I happy talk about them all. 😁 starting with the Ball Prompt because it's the only (more or less) sfw one. 😆

So, I don't really have anything written for this one, only a rough outline. I came up with this one before IF came out and we all (or was that just me? 😆) thought that all those who fought in Resson would be officially marked as traitors by Navarre, with Violet being the exception, pretending to have been tricked, and now works as a spy for the rebellion.

The idea behind this was that there would be some ball, maybe a mascarade, on neutral ground. And that would be where Violet and Xaden meet again after months of being separated, unexpectedly. And that they mustn't be seen together or Violet’s already crackling front would break entirely. They can't talk, mustn't even be seen looking in each other's direction, when a) they should use this opportunity to exchange information and b) really want nothing more than to dance with each other.

It's just these vibes of intense longing in a public place that would observe them thoroughly and the can't make even the slightest mistake, you know? 🥰 fun fact: i even already had planned out a dress foe Violet (which my 9yo drew a picture of for me) and was ecstatic when Violet actually wore a dress in IF. 😁

Now to the NSFWs

The mast. Overst. One was a kinktober short I originally planned to write, but that didn't really lead anywhere for me. It started with a similar setting as mentioned before, Violet alone in her second year at Basgiath and missing Xaden when she has to pretend she hates him. It boiled down to her fingerfucking herself while imagining being with Xaden.

But then it turns he was equally desperate for her and covertly made it into the forests around Basgiath (don't ask me how nobody notices Sgaeyl flying in 😆) He can't go into Basgiath, too dangerous, but hides right below her window. First, he just uses their mind connection and his shadows (shadow tentacles ftw 😇) to pleasure her. Later, he forms a shadow image of himself that let's him feel everything, too, so they can fuck 'for real'. And since they're so starved for each other, they go far beyond what they could usually take, don't want it to end. Basically just pure pwp/magical phone sex. 😆

My breathing hitches, and I press a hand to my mouth. “You’re really here? At Basgiath?”

“Yeah. I can’t risk being spotted, but at least…” A shadowy hand rises to my cheek, and I lean into his almost-touch, my eyes falling shut as I imagine it’s him for real. “Gods, I miss touching you. All the things I want to do o you…”

“Oh?” A smirk tugs at my lips. “What would you want to do?” 

I hear Xaden’s low laugh in my head, and the sound warms my heart. “Well, I’d start with kissing you. Fuck, those soft kissable lips, so tempting, even when you’re angry.”

I run my fingers over my lower lip and smile. “I want to kiss you, too,” I say, settling back onto my bed. “Want to feel your body on top of me, nearly crushing me, and feel your skin beneath my fingers, feel all of you.” 

I get the impression of Xaden cursing under his breath and grin. 

“If I were with you in your room now,” he all but purrs. “I’d kiss every bit of skin I can reach. I’d start with your fingertip, your knuckles, then your palms. Your wrists, all the way up to your shoulders. Your neck. Gods, I want to taste your neck again, feel your pulse thrum against my tongue. I’d kiss that spot below your ear, you know the one that tickles but in a different way.”

A pleasant shudder runs through my body at his words, imagining what he describes, that sharp sting of pleasure this one spot elicits. My fingers are a poor substitute for his mouth as I retrace his route, but they’ll have to be enough.

“And then I‘d kiss your mouth,” he continues. ”I’d only let my lips glide against yours at first, catching your breaths, before letting my tongue glide along yours. Moving with you, claiming every corner of your mouth.”

With my eyes closed, I follow his descriptions, my mouth moving along with imaginary lips. “If I had you here with me now,” I play along. “I’d have my fingers roaming through your hair. Scraping over your scalp. I’d suck on your tongue, teasing what I could do to your cock.”

“Fuck, Violet,” he groans. There’s a pause, and I imagine him pulling back to look at me, eyes blown wide with want. “What are you wearing?”

It’s an unnecessary question with how he could actually see me through his shadows, but I play along. “I’m still wearing my armour,” I reply truthfully. It became something of a habit. “Do you want me to take it off?”

“Yes.”

I smile at the breathless tone in his voice. “Do you want to watch?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes”

______________

Reciprocating is the only one from this list I actually plan to finish at some point. It's the night after the throne scene in IF. Violet pays Xaden back by sucking him off, taking her time to edge him and driving him a little insane with it. There's also some more talking and emotions involved.

Peppering the bulge in his underwear with light openmouthed kisses, I can’t help but grin at how he stirs beneath, how his breathing quickens, even in his sleep. I know the effect I have on him, he assured me many times. But seeing it so clearly, especially after his declaration earlier, still hits differently.

He’s mine. Xaden Riorson is mine, and not just for this night, not just within these walls. He’s mine, forever, just like I’m entirely his. No matter what happens, what other truths might wait for us, this will never change.

I keep nuzzling and fondling his cock and balls through his underwear until he’s hard and a tiny wet spot appears in the fabric. I’d expected Xaden to have woken up by now, but unless he’s more patient than I thought and a very good actor, he’s still asleep, only the occasional groan rumbling in his chest. Somehow, that thought makes another kind of warmth spread through my chest. That, even asleep, he knows and trusts me enough to not wake up, that there’s no need for him to defend himself. Even when I pull down his waistband enough to free his cock, his eyes stay closed, his body somewhat relaxed, only the softest of gasps falling off his lips as I wrap my fingers around him, stroking lightly.

With my lower lip tucked between my teeth, I watch Xaden as I move my hand along his length. Every rise of his chest as his breathing turns harsher, every twitch of his brows, how his lips move without forming words. My own pulse quickens when he hardens further in my grip, another drop of pre come forming at the tip. I’m tempted to lick it off but hold back for now, instead swiping my thumb over his head.

“Ngghh… Violet…”

I freeze at Xaden’s mumbled voice and glance back up at him, expecting to see his eyes open. But he’s still asleep, his head turned to the side, a low string of moans and gasps followed by my name again his only reactions. Is he… dreaming about me?

A slow grin spreads across my face. It’s not as if he hasn’t said so before, but this is still different. Further boosting my confidence Cat tried to crush so hard.

Aaand that's it. 😇 Again, thank you so much for this ask. Revisiting these unfinished stories was a lot of fun. And maybe the motivation I needed to write more.