#not nostalgic but rather appreciative of the past | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wri0thesley · 2 years ago

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canicular - yandere kaveh x fem!reader x yandere alhaitham (6.8k)

it's a tough lesson to learn.

cw: yandere. mentions of past dub-con, non-con (non-explicit), physical punishment. abuse. reader is referred to by feminine pronouns.

this was a commissioned work.

If there is one thing you are not short on, it is time.

Though Alhaitham provides what he thinks are stimulating ways to pass your existence, you do not often feel inclined to read the thick tomes of Sumeru history or ancient language studies that he leaves on the table for you. Nor do you have any inclination towards the other hobbies he has tried to get you to pick up, in order to keep your hands busy and your brain exercised - what desire have you to do a jigsaw puzzle or a book of word games when you feel like a caged tiger, pacing uselessly back and forth with no end in sight?

Kaveh, at least, tries to get you to occupy your long hours with things that are transporting. His own pencils and papers and paints (a sad smile on his face when he caresses your cheek and sighs and says ‘why don’t you try drawing where you would rather be?’). Alhaitham tries to improve you; to mould you into what he expects you to be and what he wants you to be and what he thinks you ought to be.

Kaveh, at least, sees you as something human, with human needs and human feelings and human wants. Wants that are not half an hour of cursory sunshine so you do not develop a Vitamin D deficiency, not a meal chosen entirely for nutritional properties and not how it might taste in your mouth (Alhaitham is not a cook - you always prefer Kaveh’s meals, though the Scribe clicks his tongue and says things about how there’s no health benefits to the nostalgic desserts that Kaveh tries to get Alhaitham to let him make for you).

Kaveh sees in you the human need for companionship and sympathy and something other than Alhaitham’s blank face when you rage at him and sob and pound on his chest and demand he let you go home. Something other than Alhaitham’s insistence that this is better for you; that he is a good master, that your life is simpler and more suitable now, that he is simply putting the world to rights by taking you as his-- his pet, his dog, his slave, his lover--

What are you truly, again? Other, of course, than his?

In lieu of being Alhaitham’s dog in need of training, when you can, you gravitate to the architect - who wouldn’t, when your other option is a man who watches you cry and replies only with: “And what are you hoping to gain from your tears, exactly?”? And Kaveh, in return, gives you his own sympathy and his sighs and a stroke of your hair that has no hidden meaning at all, you’re sure, but his desire to comfort.

If sometimes you let him take you, after all of the comfort - if you spread your legs for him and sigh and nose against his neck and murmur soft sweet appreciation - that is neither here nor there. You have such precious little opportunity to make decisions for yourself, so why should you not? You tell yourself fiercely, with your mouth wine-stained with Kaveh’s lips, that you would make the same decision were you not a prisoner. Kaveh is the kind of man you would have sought out for yourself, you decide. And he never takes advantage; never makes the first move, waits for your sniffles and hesitant kisses and shaking hand as it traces the elegant line of his collarbone.

But Kaveh is not always home. Kaveh goes into the desert, works for weeks on a project somewhere else in Sumeru wherever his architectural genius is summoned, and leaves you to the untender mercies of the man who caused all of the heartache in the first place.

Alhaitham is never later than ten minutes after work (and on those occasions, his normally calm face has a twitch of fury about it). He never forgets what time he has set your meals for, never forgives an order that has gone unfulfilled (and you have the marks over buttocks and thigh and back to prove that), never lets you answer back or skip out on one of his ordained rituals for your health. He is a constant; a knife that carves out your life, ever sharpened and ever ready.

You practically throw yourself at Kaveh when he returns, if you have been alone with Alhaitham too long. Bury your head in his neck and sigh about how you missed him the moment that you can get him alone, smile and thank him with earnest words when he produces some treasure he saw whilst he was out and about and gifts it to you (they are never lavish gifts; Kaveh does not have the Mora to spare. But a fresh Zaytun peach or a Sumeru Rose plucked from the wildest parts of your nation is a treasure to you nonetheless, when your life is a narrow square of home-and-garden you are not permitted to leave).

. . . It is easier to force yourself not to notice the way Kaveh’s golden eyes catch yours after the gift, as if he is waiting for and expecting the kiss that you press onto his lips as a thanks that never seems to end at just a kiss.

Kaveh’s comforts do not come often enough, in your opinion. Certainly their number does not match up to that of Alhaitham’s firm commands - his lips on yours, his hand on the top of your head forcing you to your knees, his insistent quizzing on the book he left for you today that you have not so much glanced at, his carefully marked schedules of when you should eat and when your period is due and all of the other minutiae of life you had never stopped too long to consider before.

In the past, you had not needed to dwell on these things. You had daydreamed some, of course, of some loving faceless significant other who might hand-feed you slices of Harra Fruit and write you poetry and curl against you until you felt like the two of you were one - but you had always had faith that this would come for you. Perhaps when you least expected it, a fanciful fairytale dropped from the sky into your waiting lap--

You had not reckoned on Alhaitham.

If nothing else, he has provided you with plenty of hours to daydream. An endless yawning, stretching chasm of a future that you try to fill with the paints Kaveh brings you, with constant machinations about an escape route. Sometimes when you imagine leaving, you are hand in hand with a blond man with a smile like a fresh flower blooming, feather haphazardly stuck in his hair, a promise to somehow find enough Mora to build a pretty little cottage in the middle of nowhere where one does not have to worry about stern silver-haired scholars.

You have the time.

Summer in Sumeru is difficult at the best of times. Under Alhaitham’s captivity (you never think of it as Alhaitham-and-Kaveh, so certain are you that the architect would free you if only Alhaitham were not in the picture), it is even worse. You can no longer open the door and stroll out into the Grand Bazaar, where the air is darker and cooler. You can no longer stop off at some merchant or another to buy a cool treat, take a dip in one of the lakes if you so feel like it - all you can do is try and find the shadiest spot in the locked house, lie upon your back and wish for a breeze or two.

“You shouldn’t stay there all day,” Alhaitham says, reproach evident in his voice, when he comes home at seven minutes past five in the afternoon like he always does. “Your muscles will atrophy.”

You sigh in response, long used to the fact that if you argue he will twist your words around until you’re sure of nothing - if you argue too much, you’ll lose some other privilege you hadn’t realised was a privilege until Alhaitham had taken it away.

(Once it had been hot water that you’d had removed, and Alhaitham had stood in the bathroom with you as cold water drenched your hair and your body and gooseflesh broke out along your skin, his face unmoving despite your nakedness. You know that he does, at least, hold some attraction to your naked form - the fact he had not let even a flicker of desire cross his face as you shivered and shuddered there was testament to his insistence you must learn your place. Actually, though, right now, you do not think a cold shower would be a punishment. It sounds rather nice, even if Alhaitham is there to watch you with calm inexpressive eyes.)

“It would be cruel,” you say instead, “to leave a dog in these conditions all day.”

He prefers this kind of reasoning; a debate, and not an argument. If you stay calm and even and you appeal to logic, you might have a chance of survival.

“There are some folding-fans in one of the drawers,” he says. “A present from one of the Inazuman clients Kaveh worked for, I think.”

“Surely they would just blow hot air back in my face?” You ask him. He considers for a moment, looking at you on the floor where you have not moved. You are in one of the loose robe-like garments you are permitted to wear around the house (far less chance of you trying to escape, Alhaitham reasons, if you feel indecent - he has not bargained on the fact that at this point you would run naked through Sumeru City if it means breaking out of his oppressive regime), thighs bare, neckline pulled as far apart as it can go so what little air there is can touch your sweat slicked skin.

“What would you prefer?” He asks, with a note of warning in his voice that most people would not pick up on. You must tread carefully.

“Leave the window open a crack,” you suggest. “Not enough for me to get out. Just . . . enough for a breeze. So that I don’t feel the air around me is pushing down on me until I suffocate.”

“Hyperbole,” he says. “You cannot suffocate on air.”

You bite your tongue. The request shimmers in the air for a few moments, a tangible thing - Alhaitham weighs up the pros and the cons.

“No,” he says, and the thread of hope you hadn’t realised you were holding snaps. “Not whilst I’m out. Not whilst nobody is here to watch you.”

Any response you might have made dies on your lips as a key clatters in the door and it opens, a long-limbed elegant body tumbling through in record time. Kaveh always enters like this; as if he is afraid that if he takes longer than a moment, shouts will rise up around Sumeru City and mock him and his secret will be splashed across every noticeboard in town. Kaveh pretends he does not live here, because he is an important man who should be doing better. You pretend you do not live there because you are still holding your own home in your heart - your own garden of flowers and fruits, your own shelf of books and your own hobbies and things strewn across surfaces.

Alhaitham does not pretend; he merely avoids speaking to anyone about his home life. You had been as surprised as him when Kaveh had unlocked his door and walked in to see what the thumping and muffled noises emanating from Alhaitham’s room were, and had come across you. Alhaitham had not mentioned a roommate to you even before your captivity, and Alhaitham had not mentioned a pet human to Kaveh at any point in time or given any indication this was the kind of thing he would do.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Kaveh had said, immediately upon seeing you, crouching down next to you, his hand hovering by the gag wedged into your mouth. “I . . . did Alhaitham do this to you?”

You’d nodded tearfully, and Kaveh’s eyebrows had knitted into sympathy. You recognised him only vaguely, but you did at least see the emotions flittering across his handsome, open face - so much more than you’d ever gotten from Alhaitham. Even when he’d unceremoniously locked you in his bedroom and you’d screamed yourself hoarse into a gag and rubbed your wrists sore on the rope, Alhaitham had done nothing more than raise an unimpressed eyebrow at you.

“I’m going to take the gag away,” Kaveh had said to you, at the time. “Please don’t scream.”

He had been so earnest in the request, and you had been so grateful to see somebody who was not Alhaitham and was clearly properly horrified by your predicament and was not treating it like it was perfectly normal, that you had nodded. Calm, clever fingers had worked beneath the wedge of cotton in your mouth and pried it spit-slicked from between your lips.

“Can you speak?” He’d asked, and when you’d tried and you had not managed to get out more than a wheeze he had fetched you a glass of water and held it to your parched lips.

“I can’t untie you,” he’d said, helplessly, his gold eyes flitting to where the ropes had rubbed you raw. “Alhaitham would be . . . unhappy with me. But maybe I could try and loosen them? Move them higher up, so I can take care of the blood?”

You had thought that he must be some other prisoner of Alhaitham’s, back then. As he’d given you more sips of water and you’d hiccuped and grated out some of the story that had lead you here, and he’d nodded and made soft little noises of horror and understanding, as he’d cleaned the wounds and commiserate with you over what a brute Alhaitham was, even to him, the Scribe’s senior. He’d knuckled your bruises away so gently that you’d cried more, and admitted to him that you feared you would never feel a tender touch again.

“You poor thing,” Kaveh had repeated, looking at you with those pools of molten gold. “Don’t worry. You and I are comrades in arms. We’ll take care of one another as best we can.”

You know now that Kaveh’s predicament is not quite the same as yours - partly based on Kaveh’s own stubbornness and pride, instead of the unmoving unrelenting coldness of Alhaitham instead. But that first night, he firmly positioned himself as an ally. Had argued with Alhaitham when the Scribe had come back about how he could not gag you, could not tie you so tightly, could not leave you waterless and foodless in his bedroom all day. A knight in shining armour, you had thought - and the first thing you had done when your bonds were finally loosened was wrap your arms about the surprised blond and thank him.

“Anyone would have done the same,” he’d said, as you’d sobbed into his shoulder and Alhaitham had watched, lip curled at the corner, face unreadable. “Anyone with a heart.”

He’d held the embrace just a little too long.

“You’re home,” you say to Kaveh, back in the present, and you smile at him, a trembling, wavering thing. Sweat is beading on your brow. The brief rush of cool air that Kaveh lets in is a welcome change, and Alhaitham sighs as he walks towards the window. You notice which drawer he goes into - the tiny key that he produces from one of Kaveh’s many cubby-holes on the architect’s desk. Amongst rulers and tiny screwdrivers and silver-flashing scissors. Alhaitham allows the window to open the smallest crack - the one that looks out only into the garden, so nobody passing by might hear voices they do not expect coming from a house they know belongs to Alhaitham.

“I am,” he says, with a smile. “I brought you a present.”

“You’re spoiling her,” Alhaitham says mildly, as you turn your head to Kaveh. You hear the drawer click; another key turn. It is never so simple as ‘get a key from a drawer’. Alhaitham is not so foolish. “What has she done to deserve a present?”

“You don’t have to do things,” Kaveh argues. “It’s nice to have nice things!” You see now that he is holding a small bowl, the kind that the food stalls give out with food bought to travel with - he walks towards you with a smile on his face and holds it out. Inside of the little pale brown half-moon of a bowl are three scoops of some kind of frozen treat, and your mouth waters. You finally move from your spot on the floor to reach out for it.

“Say ‘thank you’,” Alhaitham says sharply, before your hands can close around it. “Or I’ll have it myself. No doubt he paid for it on my tab.”

Kaveh glares at him from under his pale brows but does not argue - you, with your throat dry and hot, babble out thanks to Kaveh and reach out again. Alhaitham clicks his tongue once more.

“Wait,” he tells you, command in his voice. “You’re not even going to ask me if you can have it?”

“Alhaitham--”

“She has to learn,” his voice is final, a rough lightning strike through the room, a man who has never wavered in his convictions. “A disobedient animal is no better than a wild one.”

“Please,” you say to Alhaitham, sensing that arguments are brewing, that tension is crackling. “Please may I have it.”

Green eyes catch yours and leave you hanging desperately and wordlessly for a moment. You dare not move. You wonder if he’s going to bring up you asking about the window, and use that as an excuse - or perhaps what a waste you’ve made of the day, how you should have made yourself move from the cool floorboards like you’re supposed to. You cannot breathe.

Alhaitham gives a wordless nod as he turns on his heel.

“I’m going to get out of my work clothes,” he says. “Have a cold shower. Make sure you behave, and we’ll go into the garden at dusk when it’s cooler.”

Shoulders untense. Kaveh smiles at you and holds out the bowl again. Your mouth waters as you reach for it - you barely notice that Kaveh does not relinquish the hold of his long fingers upon it until you’ve kissed him on the cheek and let him kiss you softly on the mouth in return. It does not seem important.

His own mouth tastes like the dessert, too. He did not have to wait to be brought it by some kind, sympathetic soul. He could have had as many servings as he liked.

You savour every spoonful.

You know your way around the house. You have earnt freedoms to be allowed to wander it at will - if you want to, you can go into the kitchen and fetch yourself something to eat (Alhaitham encourages that, in fact - as long as it is that you’re eating one of his approved foods). You can choose from the many tomes that line the walls, can sit in the living room or the study or on Alhaitham’s desk chair if that’s where you wish to be.

You cannot leave, of course.

Golden locks mock you wherever you look; some intricate, some simple, but none with a key you possess. You’ve seen Alhaitham with two keys to the front door - a cruel joke, when you are not even permitted one. The keys to the windows, to Alhaitham’s desk itself, to all of the drawers and the places you are not allowed to look sit side by side on Alhaitham’s keyring like sentinels guarding you from freedom.

You think about the open window, when Alhaitham cracks it just a little when he comes home. Stand by it and try and get some breeze; strain to hear the voices that are very far away, wondering what’s going on in the life you have abandoned like a missing jigsaw puzzle piece. Has the mould you had been battling with, beneath your own bedroom window, finally beaten you? The spider that dwells in your darkest bathroom corner started a family? Has post piled up on your doormat - letters that will go unanswered for who knows how long?

You have only one hiding place. One loose floorboard, in the very corner of Alhaitham’s room - Kaveh doesn’t go in there often, or you’re certain the architect would have noticed it. You keep some trinkets in there - a dried flower Kaveh had once put in your hair, a necklace he had given you made of cheap beads that he’d bought from some do-gooder selling them for charity.

(Alhaitham had seen you wearing it and pursed his lip; later on that night, when he’d taken you into the shower to wash your hair, he had unclipped it and dropped it into the wastepaper bin.

“It doesn’t suit you,” he’d said. “It will just break and the beads will scatter everywhere. There’s no reason to be giving you any presents right now.”

Whilst you’re sure he meant all of those things too, there’d been something else running through the current of his words; I don’t want you to wear anything that I don’t pick out for you. You’re mine, and if anyone were to collar you . . . it would be me.)

And, your greatest treasures of all - loose Mora, left about the house by Alhaitham and Kaveh. Alhaitham is always complaining about Kaveh dusting and tidying and moving money and not telling him where it has gone - sighing over Kaveh not paying enough attention to things. The idea that you would take it does not cross his mind. He doesn’t know about your hiding spot, so in his mind you’d have nowhere to keep it--

But, too, there is this.

You stay in his home all day, a mostly well-behaved prisoner. He provides you with nutrition and food and clothes. He provides you with attention (whether you want it or not). You have nowhere to go, nothing to buy, and not a single reason to have even a coin to yourself. What would you do with Mora?

It is one of the places his rationality fails him.

In both small and large denominations, you have more than enough Mora to make it to Liyue, Mondstadt, and far away from Sumeru stashed away on a boat to the island nation of Inazuma, where even Alhaitham (you’re certain) could not drag you from your new life.

Kaveh is the one who gives you the opening, in the end. He and Alhaitham have an argument in the early morning - from your position wrapped in Alhaitham’s sheet, you half-listen. It’s about you. It often is. Kaveh is trying to argue with Alhaitham about how he should be allowed to take you out with him into the garden in the morning, that the one half-hour of sunlight is not enough and perhaps you and Kaveh could even cultivate a little flower-patch out there, to give you something to do--

It’s a well-worn argument, one that Alhaitham always wins. Kaveh is not responsible enough to be in sole charge of you outside, Alhaitham says. He spoils you too much. You smile into your pillow as you imagine that little cottage once more, of tending to a garden with Kaveh--

Kaveh slams the door on the way out. Alhaitham comes back to you to rouse you from bed, sighing over Kaveh, scolding you for not getting up yourself - he, too, is distracted by the argument, and that distraction does not ease. He is working from home today, he tells you, so the window can be cracked all day.

At seven in the evening, the window has still not been closed, and Alhaitham has pulled you onto his lap to read with you perched there. At eight in the evening, Alhaitham grits his teeth that Kaveh hasn’t come back yet and tells you he is going to the tavern to drag his ungrateful roommate home--

And he leaves with the window still cracked.

At quarter past eight, Kaveh is dragged into the room smelling of wine and Alhaitham follows him in, sullen as ever. He still does not notice the cracked open window, as he drags Kaveh into the bathroom and commands him to brush his teeth, to splash himself with cold water and pull himself together.

The window has not been seen to. The drawer that he had put the window key back into remains unlocked.

When Alhaitham returns to the main room, you pretend to be worried over him. You ask if there’s anything you can do, framing it as a kind of shaking fear the Scribe may take out his frustrations on you, and you let Alhaitham take you into his bedroom to work off the stress.

You stare into the empty space behind his shoulder while he’s inside of you and think about slipping through the open window and out into the world again.

The next morning, Alhaitham chances a gaze at the window and nods to himself when he sees it - for all intents and purposes, locked. You’d shimmied the frame up painstakingly slowly last night when you’d murmured about needing the bathroom, hoping he wouldn’t remember. He’d grumbled in his sleep but had not protested.

He leaves the same time he always does - Kaveh, slumped in his own bedroom from the hangover, stays where he is.

And you hold the unlocked window like a secret flame in the candle of your heart.

You still do not dare do anything until an hour after Alhaitham has left, terrified that he will return and you will be punished horribly for daring to think escape would be possible. But as time ticks on, and the sun rises higher in the sky, you begin to convince yourself that this is all going to be fine.

You go into the living room and to the window. It leads out into the garden, but that is fine; you can scale a fence. That is no difficult task after everything else you’ve been through. You test it, wiggling it open just a crack, and a light breeze hits your heated face as excitement begins to rise in your bones.

Back into Alhaitham’s rooms to go beneath the floorboards and take your little pouch of Mora, heavy in your hand as you tie it with cord around your waist. You do not have a bag, and your flimsy robe has no pockets - but those are things to be thought of later. Perhaps you will take some well-worn dress from a washing line, where it dries in the wind. Perhaps you can spare a few coins for something that does not show off the ample curves of your body so much. You can allow yourself, now, to think of those things.

Content, you open the window wider. You let yourself linger there in front of the window for longer, fresh air on your face and the promise of escape playing a siren’s melody. This time tomorrow, you will be free.

You look towards Kaveh’s bedroom and smile.

So will he.

All of those dreams you’ve had can be made reality; you will both find yourself out from beneath Alhaitham’s thumb with a future stretching ahead of you, together. You can repay Kaveh for his kindness - can sometimes be the one to bring him a gift of flowers or fruits or a beautiful leaf on the ground. You can walk hand in hand with him and this will be but a distant memory.

You rap softly on his door.

“Kaveh?” You call into the crack of the hinge. “Are you awake?”

Kaveh mumbles your name. Stirring from within his room, as he moves about it, a murmured response that he’ll be out as soon as he’s decent - you can barely wait. Unrestrained tension fizzes through all of your veins, excitement and pleasure and anticipation. You let yourself imagine him boosting you out of the window, both of you laughing as you tumble onto the grass beneath the windowsill--

His door opens and he stands there, dark shadows beneath his eyes and his hair more ruffled than usual but the kind smile that you have grown so fond of firmly on his face.

“I have something to show you,” you tell him, tugging his arm. “Come on, come with me!”

“Is it a new painting?” He asks, mildly, letting himself be dragged along with that smile still on his face. “Ah, have you found another lovely tale in one of those books you want to read to me? I do adore you, you know--”

You pull him into the living room and, with a bright, optimistic look on your face, motion to the wide-open window where the wispy white curtains are fluttering in the breeze.

Kaveh does not speak for a time.

He swallows.

You can see his thoughts racing behind his eyes and you mistake them for fear; trepidation of a life with nothing. But that’s alright; you have made provisions for such things!

You jingle the Mora, as those sharp golden eyes move from you to the window and back again.

You give him a hopeful smile, all bright eyes and idealism that you’ve always thought he’d share with you. Freedom calls; a life away from Alhaitham. “We can leave,” you say. “We can go out through the window! A whole future, Kaveh, together--!”

Kaveh is still not smiling back at you.

“I--I’ve thought of everything,” you say, falling over your words as Kaveh does not immediately fall upon your open escape route. “We can go to Inazuma, I have enough Mora, we can put as much distance between us as possible and you . . . architects are needed everywhere, we might have to sleep rough a while and I know you’re not that used to it and it might seem scary but we could get a little cottage together and a g-garden and . . .”

You tail off as Kaveh’s gaze stays trained on you, pitying, sympathetic. He should be delighted. He should be pleased. He’s looking at you the way that Alhaitham looks at him, when Kaveh gets started on one of his talks about how everyone in the world is good at their core. You have always agreed with him - mostly.

(“Present company excluded,” Kaveh had said once, waving a hand, wine glass in his grasp, at Alhaitham. You had laughed, and Alhaitham had made you bend over his knee and spanked you hard upon your rear ten times as Kaveh silently watched).

“Stay calm,” Kaveh says softly. “Step away from the window, darling. Let’s talk about this instead.”

Dawning comprehension settles about you like the hot summer air.

It seems a foolish thing not to have realised before all of this - you suppose, in Kaveh’s sweet soft smiles and cooing gentle voice and his whirlwind way of coming and going, you have never stopped to think about it. Your voice comes out dry as old paper.

“You’ve had a key the whole time.”

“I live here,” he says. “Surely you realised I’d have to let myself in and out--”

“You could have let me go any time.” Your tone is flat. Kaveh looks at you, anguished, and a thousand thoughts flit into your mind - a thousand times he could have just unlocked the door and held your hand and the two of you could have walked out of the house and you could have walked right out of Alhaitham’s grasp. Instead, he had given you fruits and trinkets like you were supposed to be grateful and taken the reward of your gratitude in hungry kisses and the press of his body upon yours--

“No, darling,” he’s trying to soothe you. “I couldn’t have - you know what Alhaitham has over me, you know that he could ruin my life - I’m just as much a prisoner as you, really--”

The earnestness in his voice could almost make you forgive him. It has, in the past - when he’s knitted his brow and said of course he can’t let you out of the cage, but he’ll make it up to you when Alhaitham lets you out. You’ve written off things like that before.

No longer. Not with the window fully open, not with escape beckoning you.

“Then leave with me,” you repeat, shaking. “Come out of the window. We’ll get out of Sumeru, we’ll go somewhere nobody even cares about the Akademiya, somewhere he won’t reach--”

The bag full of stolen Mora tied about your waist feels heavy, jingling on your hip. Your throat is dry. The robe you are permitted to wear suddenly feels all the flimsier, all the more embarrassing to be seen in, full thighs on display and the curve of your chest far too revealed.

“Don’t,” he says, softly, moving towards you. He places his hands up, palms facing you, like soothing a wild animal likely to flee. “You know that wouldn’t work. You know he’d find you.”

(You, he says. Not ‘us’.)

“Kaveh!” Dreams of that little cottage and a little life slip through your fingers like grains of sand. “Don’t-- don’t you care about me? Do you want me to die here?”

“Of course I do.” He’s closer now. Your shoulders shake, lip trembling. He reaches out for you, fingers brushing your cheek. “Of course I don’t. We take good care of you. Better care than you might have gotten, before. Have I ever hurt you?”

You want to scream. You’re hurting me now!

“Alhaitham has,” you whisper. “And you . . . you’ve never stopped him.”

You’re crying, you realise, as Kaveh’s face turns into concern and he wipes a tear away.

“I can’t,” he says, with a soft little sigh like he is the injured party. “If he threw me out . . .”

“You don’t want to leave.” You try to keep your voice flat, but it cracks on the ‘want’. You want, you want, you want - and from Kaveh’s kisses, from his murmurs and his gifts and his indulgence of ‘draw the place you wish you could be’, you had always thought that he wanted too.

“I have a reputation,” he replies, steadfast. “My architecture, my name, all of the things I worked hard on--”

He doesn’t say anything about your achievements. He’d smiled at your little drawings and said how talented you were, he’d sighed over how pretty you were and how much of an inspiration you were, looked at you with such warmth in his eyes as he’d listened to you talk about your dreams and all of those little romantic fantasies you kept cherished in your heart and had thought that, perhaps, he would understand--

But now? He says nothing. As if you do not exist outside of this prison.

He thinks himself far more important than you.

“I just want some freedom,” you whisper, your face wet, your throat dry, your body feeling pulled in all ways at once. You had never envisioned that Kaveh would be like this - in all of your daydreams, he had gone willingly with you. You chide yourself now, for your own foolish romanticism - but you cannot let go of nights spent in this house with only Kaveh for comfort. “I just want a life.”

“We take care of you,” Kaveh says in a voice that sounds like a beg. “Alhaitham’s right, you’d never have lasted alone out there--”

“I was d-doing just fine.” Tears clog up your throat like ice.

“Were you?” He asks, quietly. His hand on your face feels like a brand, as he rubs his thumb over your lip and sighs, as he pulls back with a strand of your hair twirled around his finger. “Darling. The world chews up and spits out people like us, sometimes. I just want you to be safe--”

“I’m nothing like you,” you say to him, trying to be strong and failing miserably with every tremulous syllable. “We’re nothing alike, Kaveh. I would have been out of this window the moment it was opened, if we were in one another’s shoes.”

“No,” he says, and his voice is still disgustingly tender. “No, you wouldn’t. You’d see that you’re too fragile, too romantic and too lovely and too idealistic to survive for much longer. You’d see that this is the best option for you.”

“Alhaitham says you’re an idealist,” you whisper bitterly. “A romanticist. Just like me.”

Kaveh sighs.

“This could have been you,” you continue, stubbornly, bitterly, wildly grasping for something to say that could hurt even a fraction of how your heart has shattered. “In another world, you’d be where I am, and you wouldn’t be saying those things to yourself--”

Kaveh looks at you and seems to understand a kind word will not fix this; a stroke of your hair, a hidden treat. He heaves a sigh and shakes his head, instead.

“I’m going to close the window.”

You don’t reply. You stand like a statue, silent, as Kaveh walks to the window, reaches for the frame to pull it back up into position. Your future trickles out of your fingers like sand through an hourglass. The cottage is reduced to rubble by lightning storms, the flower garden does not grow, and the blond man beside you in your dreams becomes as grasping and hungry and monstrous as any nightmare has ever been.

The door clicks open once again. A voice calls out;

“I forgot to bring anything for lunch,”

And then Alhaitham walks in.

His eyes quickly take in the scene before him - you, and Kaveh, and the window that has not yet been closed.

“You forgot to close it last night,” Kaveh says, without turning around. “She wants me to leave with her.”

“And so? What will you do now, Kaveh?” Alhaitham’s voice is clipped. The question hovers in mid-air. Kaveh lets out a huff of breath through his nose, and for one horrible, glorious moment you think he is about to break and come back to your side--

“Close the window,” Kaveh replies instead. “Lock it.”

You stare at Alhaitham - as the Scribe’s lips press together and curve, in a satisfied smile. You wonder if the shattering of your heart is an audible thing, or if it simply sounds that loud in your head. The window lock clicks with a finality that makes you want to throw up.

“Good,” he says. And then he turns his attention back to you, as Kaveh moves across the room to stand just to one side of him. Kaveh’s golden eyes are apologetic - but it is not enough. Your heart has been pulled out of you and trampled upon and there is no coming back from this - no number of peaches or soft kisses or reassurances whispered into your hair that will make you ever think of him as a reprieve.

Perhaps he’s worse. At least Alhaitham does not try and hide behind anything.

You have no friends here. Just two men who, in the end, want the same thing from you.

“You understand I’m going to have to punish you?” Alhaitham asks, and his tone is reassuring in its sharpness. “Trying to run . . . when all I’m doing is giving you the best life you could possibly get?”

“I understand,” you say, exhausted. Kaveh tilts his head to one side and puts on the face that you now know is a mask; concern and worry and pity. You see your future laid bare before you like one of Kaveh’s blueprints. The summer heat seems a visible thing once more - or perhaps that’s your own anger, coalescing, at the fact Kaveh has the nerve to look compassionate.

Later on that evening, when the welts on the back of your thighs sting and you’ve been divested of even the flimsiest garment, when Alhaitham has retired to bed with his door wide open and you curl on the thin blanket of the cage that Alhaitham only uses for the very worst infractions, you slip into fitful nightmares of keys clicking in locks and lion keychains and golden-eyed masks that only lie. The summer night is no cooler. You wake up in the early morning light, golden shafts with dust motes dancing, and you see that in the night the architect has brought you a peace offering.

A small bowl sits beside the cage. The bars are just wide enough for you to reach a hand out (how many nights, in the past, has Kaveh curled his littlest finger around yours whilst you sobbed over the indignity of it?). You could take the spoon sticking out of the bowl and bring mouthfuls of the frozen dessert to your lips, letting it soften and thaw on your tongue, savouring the refreshing coldness of the treat.

You do not.

Instead, you simply sit there, caged, and you watch it melt into liquid drop by drop by drop.

#writing #commissioned work #yandere alhaitham #yandere kaveh #yandere genshin impact #dub con cw #non con cw #yandere cw

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prime-adeptus · 12 days ago

Text

Until Spring Day Comes Again

Or, the one where you reunite with an old friend.

PAIRING.⠀Bachira Meguru x Reader

CONTENT.⠀Gender-neutral reader; Tokyo Ghoul AU; gender-neutral reader; ghoul!Bachira, angst, childhood friends, memory loss, blood and gore, cannibalism, violence, grief, brief suicidal behaviour, there is no happy ending sorry. slightly ooc Bachira. </3 get in loser we're getting doomed by the narrative // ~5,1k words

A/N.⠀Just a quick little gift for my good friend @hiperacid2 who picked up Blue Lock recently ^_^

available on AO3 | reblogs and comments are always appreciated!!

A sunny spring afternoon. Grassy fields. Gentle winds and swimming clouds in the sky. A soft hand holding your own.

Every once in a while, the same memory came rushing back and sent you into a nostalgic void, endlessly drifting through its space and time with no chance of returning. It was a memory that was preserved so well yet was missing so many fragments. You’d hear children’s laughter. You’d hear the sounds of birds chirping, the distant noises of dogs barking. You’d hear the leaves rustle in the tall trees and the wind brushing against your cheeks. You’d find yourself back in the exact atmosphere every time, but you couldn’t see who this memory was shared with.

Your companion in the dream was faceless. All you knew was that you were both young and couldn’t be much older than seven years old. His name escaped you every time you tried to think of it. No matter what you did, you couldn’t remember, and so this close friend of yours was missing an identity. You had wondered a handful of times if this was a fake memory and if your mind was just playing tricks on you. After all, your memory wasn’t as good as it used to be. Sometimes you couldn’t tell if things truly happened or if it was just your perception warping every memory you’ve had. Typically, these missing pieces and gaps didn’t bother you too much, but it was this memory in particular that always weighed heavy on your mind.

“Will we be best friends forever?”

Just who were they? Who was the companion who made you feel so loved and cherished? A pang of guilt strikes you when you mull over it too much. What kind of friend were you if you couldn’t even remember them?

“Duh! Until the day we die!”

You knew it was useless to overthink these things. If a memory was lost, then it was lost. And in the world you live in now, there was no time to regret. In a world where ghouls lurked in its darkest corners and survival was the topmost priority, there was no time to fall behind. Your life had fallen into a cycle that you had no hope of breaking free from.

“I’ll always protect you, sunny!”

Somehow, you still trusted his words. It was rather silly, considering you couldn’t even remember who made this promise, but you knew it was one made in earnest. Maybe you’d come across him again one day, as unlikely as it was. Twenty years was a long time. It was possible that he would have already forgotten about you as well. But a small part of you held out hope that your memories would come back. Years of hurting had taken away many memories you held dear, shielding you from something unknown. Now and then, you’d wonder if he was still alive, or if he had fallen victim to a ghoul’s gluttony. You sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case.

No one really knew how ghouls came to be. Some said it was a virus. Some said it was the result of a failed experiment. Some said that ghouls have existed for as long as humans have; they were only hiding in the dark. Either way, the streets of Tokyo have not been safe in the past three years. Mortality rates surged to an all-time high and violence became increasingly more commonplace. Gruesome could not begin to describe what these ghouls left behind. Blood and entrails were scattered across the ground, and missing limbs and broken bones were placed like decorations. Slippery and hard to catch, ghouls spread into the countryside, to neighbouring countries and eventually, other continents, and in response, an international task force was formed.

The International Ghoul Hunter Association had headquarters in every major city and countless agents who were prepared to keep their homes safe. Still, the mortality rate for some of these agents was high. Some ghouls were more than capable fighters and it wasn’t known until recently that firearms were futile against them. To kill ghouls, you’d need the power of another ghoul. And so, weapons made out of ghoul flesh and bones were manufactured. Thanks to the innovation, agents died less, and people’s homes were safer.

This, however, was not the case for Tokyo.

It was one of the most ghoul-infested cities on the planet. They were scattered all across the country, wreaking havoc and feeding off of the weak. It was nearly impossible trying to locate all of them. The ones that were apprehended would never answer any questions. The remaining ones continued to live among humans undetected, but the crime rates said so otherwise. Cannibalism and murder were at an all-time high, and all that the Association knew about it was the name of the leader of the pack: Ego Jinpachi. He was a slippery one, hard to catch, yet so influential and powerful that his underlings were spread out all over Tokyo.

They called themselves Blue Lock, and they were sworn enemies of the Association. Their ghouls were seemingly well-trained. They never left behind any evidence, not even the smallest trace of DNA. Their faces were kept a mystery because of the masks they wore. Instead of having their biometrics, the Association instead had to make do with their own intel and code names. The King. The Wild Card. The Raptor. These three were some of the boldest S-ranked ghouls ever known to the Association. Ego Jinpachi himself knew as well how much the Association was struggling. He’d encourage his ghouls to go bigger and give it their all while leaving ghoul hunters with nothing.

The increasing crime rate and stalemate in the investigation were taking a toll on Director Mikage. This much you could tell from the way he was pacing around the room with his head hung low. You looked away from the ticking clock on the wall and back to him. You were summoned not too long ago for a seemingly urgent issue, but he hadn’t uttered a word since you came in. All you could hear were the birds chirping outside and the dull thrum of the air conditioner in the ceiling. Briefly, you wondered if he called you here to inform you that you’ve been laid off. You were quite sure your ghoul-hunting career was stellar, especially for someone so young, but his silence did nothing to quell your anxiety.

The other hunters seated in the conference room must have thought the same as well. You watched as Isagi fiddled with his fingers while the younger Itoshi mostly looked indifferent. You shifted in your seat, itching to ask the Director to say something, but decided against it. It was clearly a major issue if he’d summoned the top brass of the hunters.

After a torturous period of waiting, Director Mikage finally returned to his spot and firmly placed his hands on the table, his shoulders hunched and his expression weary.

“We’ve been getting a lot of complaints,” he said. “From grieving and angry loved ones. We need to find Ego Jinpachi and take him down as soon as we can. I’ve called you all here today because I have a new plan. All eyes are on us.”

“It’s not all hopeless, y’know,” Karasu spoke up. “We’ve caught a handful of B and C ranks. Cooped up in the lab, all of ‘em. And my squad’s still investigatin’ the latest trail he left.”

“The S ranks are still at large,” Itoshi Rin retorted. “Your squad’s not working hard enough.”

“I don’t see you doin’ it.”

“I’m doing more than you.”

“You little—”

“Gentlemen. Please.” Director Mikage interrupted them with a pointed glare. Gentler this time, he continued his explanation. “We’re outnumbered, and you all are the best of the best. That is why I am assigning you all to different wards.”

“Weren’t we already doing that?” you asked, raising your eyebrows.

“We’ve been sending whoever’s convenient. We need something more permanent.” He picked up his tablet and adjusted his glasses, beginning to read the list out loud. “Kita ward: Karasu Tabito and Otoya Eita. Nerima ward: Isagi Yoichi and Itoshi Rin. Shinjuku ward…”

Before long, he called your name.

“You’ll be stationed here in Shibuya with Mikage Reo. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good. Your missions have been sent to you through the system. You’re dismissed.”

—

The car that came to pick you and Reo up was one of the Association’s black SUVs. The chauffeur greeted you with a simple good evening when you boarded. Reo acknowledged you with a simple nod, staring out the window with his cheek pressed against the palm of his hand. You took a seat beside him, nervously drumming your fingers against the weapon case. Not a word was shared during the whole car ride until you arrived at the mission area.

The streets were desolate by the time you arrived around nine o’clock in the evening. A sense of relief came over you. Initially, there had been an uproar against the announced curfew, particularly from those who enjoyed the nightlife, but recent cases made them come around. People were unreasonably stubborn when it came to their safety or others. With your sword strapped to your back, you left the bureau side-by-side with Reo who was addressing you for the first time since you met up.

“I’ll patrol the north. You take the south,” he said coolly. “Call me if you need backup. I’ll see you later.”

He left without waiting for a reply. You grabbed your sword and started walking down the street, eyeing dark corners on high alert. It was difficult trying not to feel anxious when it was so dark out. This was different from going out for drinks with friends. This was about your survival and your ability to protect the vulnerable from merciless monsters craving for their flesh. The heels of your shoes clicked against the pavement as you cautiously observed your surroundings, checking every alleyway you walked past. The winter air nipped at your cheeks and leaves in the trees rustled with the wind.

Then, you heard it. The sound of sickening squelches and someone humming a cheery tune under their breath. Pressing yourself against the wall, you held your breath and readied yourself to attack. Your quinque was already reacting to the smell of blood in the air, eager to unravel. You peeked your head out the corner. There was a ghoul knelt over a limp body, hands digging into flesh and blood as he feasted greedily. His kagune stood tall, all eight of his tendrils pointed and curled much like a scorpion.

The Leo. S-rank. Eight tails. Ruthless and unpredictable.

Somehow, you felt more nervous than usual. This wouldn’t be the first S-ranked ghoul you fought, but there was something off about yourself tonight. Returning to hiding, you shot Reo a quick text before taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm your nerves. You could do this. You’ve been doing this for years. You had a duty to commit to.

With your sword by your side, you charged towards him, managing a deep cut into one of his tendrils. Blood spurted out of the wound as he slowly turned around, eyes wide in alarm. You prepared yourself for a duel, but he didn’t react. Instead, he stood tall and smiled, his eyes crinkling into little curved moons.

Your eye twitched. He was mocking you.

Completely unbothered by your threatening stance, he walked closer until the sword pressed against the skin on his neck. His carefree behaviour was starting to tick you off. The fact that he wasn’t fighting back was also making this more difficult. You never fought with the intent to kill; it went against regulations. You also swore to yourself that you wouldn’t fight someone defenceless or someone who wasn’t fighting back. This ghoul wasn’t entirely defenceless, but he didn’t seem to fear death or arrest at all. He was underestimating you, just like the last ghoul, and the ghoul before that—

“You haven’t changed a bit, sunny.”

You faltered. The grip you had around the handle of the blade loosened for a second.

“I was really sad when you left,” he continued. “But it wasn’t your fault!”

“What?”

“It’s okay. You can do it.” He moved closer so the blade was pressed against his skin, the smile never dropping from his face. “I trust you.”

You shook your head, brows knit together in confusion. Why was he speaking to you like you were old friends? Was this a new manipulation tactic? Ghouls were conniving creatures, you knew this. Were you falling victim to one of them?

“I promised you we’d be friends forever.”

I love you!

“Y’know, I’m glad that it’s you.”

It couldn’t be.

This was a grotesque monster taking on the form of the boy you once knew to undermine you. Your hands trembled as you stared at Bachira—no, the ghoul—with a clenched jaw. The serene, joyful expression on his face never wavered. He was looking at you with so much familiarity and love and it made you want to claw your own heart out, to destroy it into a million pieces so you wouldn’t feel a thing. Aghast, you took a step back and recomposed yourself, grabbing the handle of the blade tighter.

“Don’t talk to me like we’re friends,” you hissed. “He wouldn’t—he wasn’t—I’m not falling for your tricks, ghoul.”

Not deterred by your hostility, he continued. “We’ll always be friends, sunny.”

Sunny! I love you more!

Before you knew it, tears sprung to your eyes and slid down your cheeks. You took a step back, feeling weak in the knees and light-headed all of a sudden. You didn’t want to believe it. Your Bachira wasn’t a ghoul. He was a bright-eyed boy with hopes and dreams. He wasn’t a violent and gluttonous creature. But even with blood all over his face, he looked so dear to the point where it was making you sick.

“No,” you whispered. “You’re not him.”

He stepped forward, gently pushing down your weapon to your side.

“You really can’t remember?” His voice was soft like he was talking to a child, but there was a tinge of sadness in his words. Still, he tilted his head and looked at you with a curious gaze. “It has been a really long time, huh?”

No matter how much you wanted to turn away, your feet were stuck to the ground. The weapon in your hand suddenly felt useless as if it was just a prop. The voice in your head told you not to believe him. Ghouls were still monsters. This must be another one of his tactics. Yet your heart yearned for him, itching to feel the warmth of his affection.

“Sunny?”

It was all real. You weren’t dreaming or being lied to. This was your childhood best friend in the flesh, covered in blood and everything you were afraid of as a child. Your heart ached. You quickly realised you didn’t want to kill him, but your rational brain still saw him as an enemy. You didn’t know how you were supposed to feel. This was someone you’d been missing for a long time standing right in front of you, but as something you swore to destroy. Happiness over the reunion felt too far away to reach. Rage felt useless. For the first time in a while, you were lost on what to do, and the violent urges were starting to grow.

Everything felt too much and the world was spinning around you. The light at the end of the tunnel was growing more and more distant. Defeated, you withdrew. The sword was sheathed, and your hands began to stop quivering. Swallowing felt difficult. You needed to scream, to destroy everything in your path, to hide yourself away from the world.

But you couldn’t.

“Leave,” you said through gritted teeth. “Leave before I do something I regret.”

Bachira softened. “You haven’t changed, sunny. I’m glad.”

As the footsteps grew more distant, you collapsed to your knees and sobbed loudly, tears freely streaming down your face as it all came rushing back. All that you couldn’t remember—it was just right there in front of you, but completely something new. Someone you used to love with all your heart had become an enemy. Someone you hoped would always be happy and safe wasn’t at all, but he still felt so close. Like he was the missing piece of the puzzle, for a brief moment, you were whole.

You barely registered the sound of fast and heavy footfalls coming towards you. When Reo stopped next to you, you tearily looked up at him, your bottom lip quivering. Whatever he was going to say went unsaid. Letting out a quiet exhale, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around you, gently helping you up. You couldn’t stop crying, and any other time you would have berated yourself for crying in front of someone, but it was the farthest thing from mind.

Memories came flooding back to you. You remembered the time you and Bachira tried making flower crowns for each other. You remembered the time you helped him with football practice. You remembered the time he wiped away your tears and wrapped you in a warm hug. You remembered the sad smile as he waved goodbye in the rearview mirror of your father’s car.

It was all too much.

Broken down, you wrapped your arms around Reo’s torso and cried into his chest, shoulders shaking with every sob. He stood quietly, returning the gesture and rubbing gentle circles against your back. Your mind seemed to shut down and no longer make itself aware of what was taken away from you. Your emotions were all over the place. There was relief that Meguru got to grow up in this world full of apex predators. There was rage, not particularly directed at anyone, and there was guilt. You knew it was irrational. You couldn’t have kept in contact with him all those years ago. Even if you could, what could you have done? You were a child. You couldn’t stop him yourself.

“Let’s go home,” Reo said softly. You numbly nodded in agreement.

—

You took the next day off.

Citing it as extreme fatigue (which wasn’t a lie, though it usually didn’t stop you from working) you spent the day by yourself, trying to piece yourself back together. You watered the wilting plants on your balcony. You finally made a homemade meal. You called your parents so you’d feel more reassured with their voices. Reo had sent you a text earlier in the day asking if you felt better and you simply said yes, thank you for yesterday. Wrapped in your blankets, you sat on the couch and mindlessly watched whatever was on the television. Before you knew it, the entire day had passed, and the sky had gone dark.

City lights in the distance glimmered in the night as you trudged over to the balcony and sat down. With a quiet click, the lighter came to life and lit the end of your cigarette, smog rising and disappearing into the air as you took a deep breath and exhaled. The hairs on your skin rose with the breeze and a shiver ran down your spine. Now that you were calmer, trying to process yesterday’s events felt somewhat easier. There was still a weight in your chest, but you managed to rationalise and stay afloat.

Whether you liked it or not, Bachira was a ghoul. Maybe he was never human in the first place. With your memories beginning to return to you, you didn’t know how to feel about him. Reunions were meant to be happy, but Bachira was a ghoul, the very same kind that took away your loved ones. You couldn’t call him a friend anymore, not when he was what you hunted for a living.

As irrational as it was, you felt betrayed. At the same time, you craved to be in his presence again and make up for lost time, but over ten years have passed. Things weren’t the same and they would never be. Everything has changed. For someone jaded about most things, the paradox you found yourself in was overwhelmingly powerful. Briefly, you wondered if it was possible to mourn for someone who was still alive. The sight of him covered in blood was fresh in your mind. He wasn’t the Bachira you knew anymore. He was a monster.

An enemy.

With a heavy sigh, you reached for your phone and dialled your friend. It was late at night, but you decided to take a gamble on her picking up anyway.

A few beeps went by before she finally did, greeting you with a musical lilt. “Hello?”

“I’m surprised you’re awake,” you said wryly. “Can you help me with something?”

“Now?” She paused for a few moments, confusion evident in her tone. “I’m not at the office.”

“I don’t think you’ll need to go.”

“Okay… so what’s up?”

“You’ve been studying ghouls for years, right? Do you know if someone can be turned into a ghoul?”

A thoughtful hum. “Why?”

“Just curious.”

“Have you heard of the Neo Egoist project?” she spoke again after seconds of silence. Her voice wasn’t as chipper as it had been when she first picked up. “It was really popular a few years back.”

“The football thing?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “So there’s two kinds of ghouls. Natural-born ones and artificial ones. That’s where the NEP comes in. The Mikage corporation and a bunch of companies invested in it. They wanted to create perfect athletes through biological enhancements. Basically, it was a huge research project, and they picked like, three hundred teenagers all over the country to do it.”

You leaned against the backrest, tired. “Is this safe for you to talk about?”

“I mean, it’s not like the Association’s hiding it. People just don’t talk about it anymore. It’s been years,” she continued, though she still sounded hesitant. “They ran a bunch of experiments on the athletes. It worked great, but then somehow the serum mutated and turned them into these… monsters. You know that one video game?”

“Yeah.”

“It was something like that. The artificial ghouls attacked the people working on the project and went into hiding. Only Mikage Corporation took the fall for it, so that’s why there’s a lot of, you know, distrust about Director Mikage. As for the ghouls that got away, well… we think they’re the ones that formed Blue Lock. That’s just a theory, though. We haven’t confirmed anything.”

“Did you know anyone who was in this project?”

“Yeah. Shuto wasn’t there when Kunigami had his meltdown, so he’s safe. He’s awake right now, actually. Do you wanna talk to him?”

It was a good idea, but you were too worn out to say anything more. You weren’t prepared for an emotional discussion. Taking another drag of your cigarette, you tiredly rubbed your eyes, fatigue slowly taking over your senses.

“No, it’s fine,” you breathed. “Thanks.”

“Okay! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You rubbed at your forehead, feeling drained and hopeless. You couldn’t remember if Bachira was always a ghoul or if he was turned into one. Memories of your childhood were hard to get back. They were locked behind layers and layers of protection, leaving some spots in your memory empty. After angrily putting out your cigarette in the ashtray, you went back inside and threw yourself into bed, far too exhausted to deal with the emotional turmoil.

—

The sun’s rays shone through the window, illuminating the office with warmth and light. Fellow ghoul eliminators chattered in the background in accompaniment to the sound of the printing machine. Your mind and body were beyond fatigued, but you felt the need to get back to work as soon as possible to keep yourself sane. You spent the morning in the training range, practising boxing and working on clearing the backlog of reports you had. Time passed by in the blink of an eye and soon enough, it was high noon. The reports had taken more time than you’d expected, but you felt accomplished that you managed to get a lot done. That sense of triumph came crashing down when you arrived at the last report—the one on the mission yesterday.

Your fingers ached from how long you’d been writing. A stack of papers piled up neatly by your side as the final one in front of you remained empty. You stared blankly at the unwritten report, feeling somewhat distant from where you were. Subconsciously spinning the pen with your fingers, you thought back on last night. The patrol was successful on Reo’s end. Ever the prodigy, he’d successfully eliminated not one but three lower-ranked ghouls. You, on the other hand, failed your mission. Letting him get away was a threat to your career and livelihood, so you couldn’t tell Director Mikage the truth. With a heavy sigh, you opted to write down that he evaded capture. You’d deal with the consequences later.

You glanced at your coworkers sitting at their respective desks. Some were hard at work, some seemed to be slacking off, and some were absent. The pen slipped out of your grasp as you brought your hands up to massage your temple, the lack of sleep and your diet of only coffee slowly catching up to you. You couldn’t get last night out of your mind.

The sound of your name being called caught your attention. Looking up, you found Miss Anri approaching your desk. You bit on the inside of your cheek, assuming that you were going to have to deal with the consequences now. Instead, she smiled warmly at you.

“Someone’s here to see you. He’s waiting in the lobby.”

You blinked. “Who?”

“He said his name is Bachira Meguru.”

Your heart sank. Your mind went to frustration first—why was he waltzing into a den of predators completely defenceless? Why was he putting his safety in jeopardy by revealing his identity? You let out another sigh, begrudgingly pushing yourself off of your chair.

“I’ll go see him. Thank you, Miss Anri.”

The elevator felt like it was moving incredibly slowly as if to drag out your miserable state. Several people came and went in a dull tempo before you finally reached the lobby, anxiety bubbling at the pit of your stomach. You didn’t feel ready to see him again. A mixture of returned and new knowledge left you in a precarious position. But you were the one who left him behind first—you owed this meeting to him, as much as you wanted to avoid it.

When you arrived at the lobby, you found him sitting by one of the windows. Each step felt heavier than the last as you approached him, irritated.

“Are you insane?” you aggressively whispered, brows furrowing. “What if they find out about you?”

“It’s okay!” Bachira grinned. “No one knows what I look like.”

A prominent frown stretched across your face. “What do you want, Bachira?”

“I wanted to see you,” he said simply, jovial as always. “I really missed you, you know!”

“Don’t say that,” you sighed. You rubbed your eyes tiredly and looked at him with a forced smile. “We can’t be friends anymore.”

He pouted. “Why not?”

“Because I’m supposed to kill people like you.” You took in a deep breath and shakily exhaled, pushing your hair back in frustration. “Look, whatever you’re here for, drop it. You can’t be here.”

He offered a smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes this time. “Can we hang out for one last time before you go, then?”

You hesitated. The barrage of conflicting feelings was too much to bear at once, but the rational part of your mind said that you owe this to him. You moved out, left him behind—

“Mom, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry Meguru!”

Continued a life without him—

“You’re my best friend in the whole wide world!”

And you were going to continue living without him, leaving him in the past with the rest of your fading memories. You pursed your lips and stared at him, trying to search for any signs of deception or mischief, only to find nothing but love. It made you feel turbulent, craving to crawl out of your skin and hide away from everything. Was he not affected by any of this at all? Were you the only one feeling this way?

You desperately wanted to run away, but once again, you were glued to the ground.

“I can’t stay,” you said dismissively. “I have work.”

“I’ll leave Tokyo after this,” he offered. “You don’t wanna kill me, right?”

Knees growing weak, you took the seat across from him as your nose started to burn, tears forming in your eyes before you knew it. You hastily wiped them away with your sleeve and sighed sharply, meeting his gaze. He might be over a decade older than when you last saw him, but his eyes looked at you the same way. His fingers twitched as if he wanted to brush your tears away himself.

It made you sick.

“I don’t,” you uttered shakily, “I really don’t.”

He leaned over to clasp his hand on top of yours tentatively. You didn’t move away, instead intertwining your fingers with his as you averted your eyes elsewhere, not wanting him to see you cry. With a short huff, you put your other hand on top of his, the urge to keep in contact with him one way or another growing stronger with each passing second.

“I was scared I’d never remember you,” you admitted, looking back at him again. “I can’t remember anything. It’s all broken. I don’t want to forget you.”

He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Then let’s promise we won’t forget each other.”

“Okay,” you breathed. “Okay. I promise.”

He gently pulled back before standing up, dusting off his clothes and regarding you with a big smile. It reminded you of when you were kids running beneath the sunlight, chasing each other as happy laughter resounded throughout the field. It was warm, it was loving, it was home.

“Spring is coming soon,” Bachira said, voice as melodic as ever. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

With a wave, he left the building, and in turn, your life.

You buried your face in your hands, unable to hold back the tears anymore. If fate didn’t want you to be together, so be it. You knew you’d have to get over it eventually—you will, you always do—but for now, you’ll allow yourself this moment of grace.

It’s what he’d want you to do.

#all #bachira meguru x reader #bachira x reader #blue lock x reader #cw blood #cw gore #I contemplated posting this on bioticlaw but it's pretty tame so... o main it is

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ihatealimore · 11 months ago

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Moonlight

(word count: 1,751)

Sitting atop the hotel roof, Kurapika gazes above, immersed in the canopy of stars in the night sky. Despite the late hour, a sense of melancholy washes over him like cresting waves crashing against the shoreline. You and Kurapika had spent most of the day working together to recover a pair of scarlet eyes. Something he greatly appreciated, nonetheless, he was still feeling hollow. Empty.

The sound of the rooftop door opening doesn't even draw his attention. You sit down beside him, offering him a single red flower, "Rose for your thought? A guy was selling them in the lobby for Valentines Day."

"Thank you, (Y/N)," Kurapika takes the rose and brushes his fingers against its velvet petals. He lowers his eyes from the sky to inspect it closer before setting it down beside him.

"The stars remind me of home," He admits without looking at you, a hint of longing in his voice, "Back when... The clan was still alive."

"I'm sure it must be difficult," You console him while hugging your knees to your chest, looking up at the sky.

"It is. You think you're accustomed to the pain, but then some days, it just hits harder than usual," He murmurs, leaning back on his palms, a constellation of stars reflecting in his grey eyes, "But I believe dwelling on past tragedies won't change anything. I'd rather focus on doing what I can to honor my clan's memory."

The mention of home stirs up old memories that are both sweet and painful. He can't help but appreciate your presence next to him as you had always been his pillar amidst the chaos. These conversations with you always left him feeling vulnerable, yet stronger somehow.

"That's a good way to look at it," You say softly, "I'm sure they'd be proud of you and all."

Kurapika lets out a dry chuckle, "I hope so," He turns to look at you, his eyes turning scarlet in the dim light of the moon. His voice drops lower as he holds your gaze, saying sincerely, "You're different from others, (Y/N). You understand what it's like for me. You've been there when no one else was. It... Means more than I can express."

The confession leaves his heart racing and cheeks warm with unspoken emotions, feelings that were always an undercurrent in your relationship but never acknowledged openly until now. Your presence has become something of a balm against old wounds, providing comfort where words often fail him.

You turn your head to look at him, surprise morphing your face before a soft smile dances on your lips, "Well, someone has to, huh?" You tease him in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I suppose so," The Kurta responds matching your teasing tone. He chuckles quietly, feeling a lightness replace the heaviness in his chest, "Thank you for being that someone, (Y/N)."

Your joke managed to do what few could, draw genuine laughter from him amidst his sorrow. He feels a sudden surge of gratitude for this person seated next to me who has done more than simply understand his pain, who shares it with him and still finds reasons for them both to smile.

"Oh, look," You point toward the stars, tracing out a constellation into the intangible space above you both, "There's Orion."

Kurapika follows your line of sight, observing silently before a nostalgic smile touches his lips, "Pairo and I used to spend countless nights stargazing just like this. We had memorized every single constellation."

"Oh, so you must be more knowledgeable than me," You take his hand in yours, index fingers aligned as you point upward, "Show me some more."

His heart rate quickens, the warmth of your skin instantly spreading through him. He swallows hard but manages to keep his composure as he points your joined hands towards another starry formation.

"That's Cassiopeoia... And over there," He guides your fingers further right, "Is Ursa Major."

As you and him spot more constellations together under the night sky, Kurapika feels an indescribable sense of tranquility washing over him. A rare moment where he can forget about everything for a while and just live in the here and now. A simple act has never felt so intimate before, perhaps it's because he found himself longing for more moments that belong only to you and him.

After a lingering moment of silence, you hum in thought, musing aloud, "Guess we're pretty small in comparison."

"Indeed," Kurapika agrees, looking down at your intertwined hands, "In the grand scheme of things, we're just tiny moments in this vast universe."

Yet as he speaks these words, there's no trace of disappointment or despair, instead an acceptance and even a strange kind of peace. Their significance on the cosmic scale strikes him less terrifying when he's here with you, shining brightly in times when everything else had seemed dark.

"But that doesn't mean our existence is insignificant, (Y/N)," He turns to you with a knowing smile, "Just like these stars, each one of us has a unique light to offer and together we can create constellations."

"I like that. It's poetic," You say with a smile as Kurapika sets your hand back down, however, you keep your fingers intertwined with his.

"I must have picked it up from you."

Kurapika chuckles lightly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. He couldn't deny how right this felt, the smooth play of your fingers against his. He lets a contented sigh escape from his lips as you and him fall into a comfortable silence once more, your eyes drawn to the mesmerizing dance of stars above.

A peaceful calm that he doesn't often feel wraps around him. It makes him realize how much he appreciates these calm moments with you amidst the calamity of his life. Simply existing together under millions of distant lights.

When you lean your head against his shoulder gently, he stiffens for a moment, surprised by the sudden contact. But then he relaxes again, adjusting his position to accommodate you better.

"It's a beautiful night," Kurapika whispers, matching the tranquility of the evening with his voice, "Thank you, (Y/N). For being here with me."

"No need to thank me," You reassure him easily, "I like being around you, Kurapika."

Kurapika's heart skips a beat at your admission. He swallows, glancing down to see your head still rested against his shoulder.

"I... I like being around you too, (Y/N)," He confesses, the hushed words tumbling vulnerably from his lips.

Flickers of moonlight illuminate the features of your face, those gentle eyes reflecting the twinkling stars above, that soft smile warming him from within. Kurapika finds himself lost in this moment, watching you with a newfound awareness. The vast universe seems to dim into insignificance compared to the captivating constellation seated next to him.

To him, you are radiant and endlessly intriguing. Like a galaxy full of secrets waiting to be unraveled. You're beautiful and elusive like a shooting star that left him enthralled. As terrifying and new as all this may seem, it feels inherently right for him to acknowledge these feelings towards you tonight.

"(Y/N)," He starts softly without breaking his gaze, "I..."

The next hushed words calmly slip from your lips without hesitation, "The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"

His heart pounds loudly in his chest as he takes a moment to process your statement. The phrase was often used as a romantic and indirect way of saying 'I love you', something he had learned during his travels.

"Yes," He finally manages to breath out, meeting your eyes with resolute determination, "It truly is. As are you."

For the first time that night, Kurapika feels an edge of nervous anticipation creeping up, a surprising shiver running down his spine.

Your expression softens further upon hearing his words, leaning more into his touch, "Think this is fate?"

"Fate, destiny," Kurapika muses gently, "I have never put much stock into such concepts before."

But as he watches your face illuminated by the moonlight and stars, so close yet somehow still feeling ethereal, he finds himself reconsidering.

He quietly confesses, "But with you. It feels less like chance and more like an inevitable collision of destinies that were always meant to intertwine."

This shared moment between them brings him closer than ever before to believing in something beyond facts or reason. That there might be some hidden threads tying them together despite the odds.

You smile, one that is both his undoing and his salvation tonight, "That's... very sweet."

Kurapika feels a strange sense of satisfaction at your words, his heart beating erratically in his chest, "That's just how I feel."

"Kurapika?"

"Yes, (Y/N)?" He responds, his voice a low murmur in the serene quiet of their surroundings.

He moves closer to you, reducing the distance between you and him until he can count the number of breaths you take. He was ready for any question or request from you, acutely aware of every little detail, the way his name sounds when spoken by you softly into the calm night, how his heart flutters anxiously yet excitedly in his chest.

You lean in, your breath hot on his cheeks until your lips finally connect with his, soft and warm like a summer day. Taken aback for a moment, Kurapika freezes.

But then it all clicks into place, the way your breath had hitched before you leaned in, the subtle shift in your gaze. It was what he had been hoping for.

He cups your face gently with one hand and returns the kiss earnestly, an intimate dance between them under their curtain of stars. When his lips part from yours, he realizes he's never known true winter until now. You're peering at him with a gaze full of longing, something that's mirrored in his own eyes.

Kurapika takes a moment to gather his thoughts, still reeling from the intimate moment you and him shared. He pulls you closer, wrapping an arm around you securely as he looks back at you.

"I..." His breath catches in his throat and Kurapika finally admits it out loud, "I've never felt this way before."

The lingering taste of your lips feels like frost on a winter morning, cold yet indescribably beautiful, unforgettable. He feels strangely exposed yet safe under these glowing constellations.

"Me either," You admit, your tone vulnerable, "But I'd like to explore this with you."

A sigh of relief falls from his lips at your reply. He wraps his arms around you a little tighter, pulling you close until your bodies are flush against each other.

"I'd like that too," He whispers back, leaning in to steal another kiss, slower this time, filled with promises of shared tomorrows and nights like these painted under the myriad colors of love.

#hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh x reader #writing #fluff #kurapika x reader #kurapika #kurapika oneshot #anime

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galene-gothic · 2 years ago

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ATTENTION

✎ . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Hii snowies !! This is a post valentine's day present for you because I love you ! I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :)˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🎧 ꒱

☆ 🖇️ 𖥻 ＜꒱ PAID SERVICES

Today we'll take a look at:

- who wants to be your valentine

- what about you catches people's attention

- something that needs your urgent attention

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Pile 1

꒰ Who wanted to be your valentine ? ꒱

↳ “ There are two energies coming off very strongly. One of them is someone from the past. I also feel like most of you here are disappointed that your ex or former situationship came up in this reading. This person is not in the best place right now but compared to before, they're doing better. I'm pretty sure that you've seen this person down in the dumps though. I'm getting that they're starting to look at you and everything that went down between the both of you as something to be grateful for and they're finally starting to heal. For a very long time, they felt trapped by the amount of affection they felt towards you. They have a lot of regrets when it comes to you but they are finally starting to accept that it's the best for the both of you to stay away from each other, atleast for right now but they do want to be your valentine, I'm getting that they want to spend one last day with you smiling, having fun, saying what the both of you left unsaid, crying, just exchanging emotions and energy. You are like home to them, found family honestly. When you rationally think of them, you might think that they've already found happiness in new things but the truth is they haven't, they are starting to though. I think this person from the past is someone pretty strategic and also overall a very nice person. They might have a soft and warm aura. Now, moving on to the next person, this person is someone new but they have gotten hurt in the past. I'm getting a very nostalgic vibe though. I think when you met them, you felt like you had known them forever, I'm getting a sense of deep adoration right from day one. The both of you might have met in an environment where you used to be around each other everyday or something but for some reason, the both of you aren't in the same environment anymore or won't be soon :(. Playful teasing, feeling comforted and familiar yet uncomfortable when the other is in your sight, looking for the other while pretending to look around/at something else, wondering why you adore the other so much even though you barely know them.

You might have had atleast one deep conversation with them. There was an undertone of depth/sexual tension whenever the both of you were around each other. I am getting very high school movie/drama like scenarios here. For some of you, you might still meet this person everyday but won't very soon. There's something that the both of you want to tell the other, you want to express affection but you can't gather the courage to do so when you actually see each other. The both of you still manage to feel adored by the other though. The way the both of you express affection is just very different, you might roast each other. Compared to the past person, this person is way more mysterious though and their energy might be more dominating and authoritative rather than soft and warm. They seem to be nice too though. I feel like they care about humans in general and come off pretty social. However, they might also be on a pedestal of some kind, I'm getting unattainable and intimidating vibes from them even though they seem to have a friendly personality. If the both of you aren't in contact anymore, they are definitely thinking about you, even though they seem to be the type who likes to live a busy life, you're always in their mind. The last time the both of you met each other, you might have wanted to express something that you left unsaid because you couldn't catch the right moment to say what you wanted to say. The both of you might act like you don't like each other, I'm getting that the feelings here are mutual though. I don't think that you want the past person back in your life but you might still be healing from them or you took a lot of time healing from them. The new person and you might have chosen to let go of each other because you know that you still have to do your individual healing, however, the adoration and what could have been is still present, they miss you a lot. ”

꒰ What about you catches people's attention ? ꒱

↳ “ I'm getting that people close to you or people who get to know you well to a certain extent are the ones to notice this the most, you're a very self reflective person. At first sight, if you're alone, you might look reserved and cold but when you interact with others, you seem very friendly and maybe even a little self obsessed, flashy and loud but the more people talk to you the more introspective you seem. People can pick up on the fact that you're very wise. You might sometimes randomly choose to sit alone and think about life even though your friends are having fun. You might give off a sad vibe or have a resting bitch and sad face. People can sense that you're in your self care phase and don't really want to connect with people because you're very busy looking within. People think that you are understanding. You seem to be on the path of self discovery or reinvention. You seem to randomly self isolate. I think that you're fine with socializing but aren't interested in letting people into your close circle atleast for right now. I'm also getting that people think that you are the type to abandon people but still choose to trust you anyway because you're overall very loving and understanding, you just need more space and distance compared to others especially at this time.

People think that you're a very internal person, someone who looks within and wants to be left alone at times. No matter how friendly you are or how often you get angry, you always have an air of mystery or detachment surrounding you. Some of you might come off very warm, childlike, fun and happy when interacting with people for the first few days or when you're socializing in general but as people get to know you, if you trust them enough to share your thoughts with them, they realise that you're so much deeper than they had thought of you to be and even if you don't trust them, they start realizing that the cold and reserved aura that they got from you wasn't just a cover. People see that you know your worth or atleast they think you do. They think that you believe that the grass is always going to be greener for you if you choose to leave a person, place or situation behind. They think that the grass is always greener for you in comparison to them as well. They think that you have options. You definitely come off to be the type to suddenly leave though, it's coming up again and again. You're good at working with others though. People think that you know a lot of influential people and are always planning something. ”

꒰ What needs your urgent attention ? ꒱

↳ “ You guys are really courageous people but I'm getting that you're prone to entering situations that are unhealthy for you. I think most of you have already realised that just because you're capable enough to grow from toxic situations doesn't mean you deserve to experience them. You guys seem pretty defensive at this point, you are having a hard time letting people in and are also choosing not to. You're finally going for your own happiness. However, some of you haven't let go of whatever this is that you're clinging onto, I think it might be a one sided crush for most of you but at this point, this crush has gotten so bad that you don't know how to get out of it, if you haven't already walked out to choose your own happiness, you really need to. Some of you have people pleasing tendencies but also a strong desire for self expression, the thing is, not everyone shares the same beliefs as you so you might end up saying things that you don't mean thinking that that's what the other person might want to hear and because of your strong need for self expression, you feel really bad after you say something that doesn't align with your own personal beliefs. For some of you, you are being too defensive to your own detriment. I feel like this pile has been through a lot so I don't blame you, it's okay to stay in this energy for a while but please understand that it's going to get unhealthy at some point and when it gets unhealthy, I hope that you have enough courage to let your guard down. You have a lot of love coming towards you, I don't want you to end up self sabotaging. I think the reason why the defensiveness is especially unhealthy for you is because you are not being able to give out affection and what you have got to offer to other people.

Even if you don't acknowledge it, giving to others, forming relationships, loving someone, having someone who loves you is what makes you the happiest. I think you're very self dependent right now and I'm really proud of you. I think that being picky with people is important for you right now but there's a difference between being picky and being straight out defensive. I'm pretty sure, you guys have gone through enough to understand what's healthy and what's not and I think I'm just reaffirming things that you already know/ want to work towards. Most of you here feel robbed of your affection and resources, you feel drained out, you feel used and you might feel like you've got nothing left to give at this point but I'm getting that deep down, you know that you have a lot to give and you're just protecting what you've got to give it to someone worthy. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself. Also, some of you might get offended here but there's a need to learn how to behave, carry yourself with more dignity, please learn when to talk, when to laugh, etc. I think some of you have forgotten how to behave in front of people because you've spent a lot of time by yourself or in one-on-one situations but you're definitely someone who already knows how to carry themself to a certain extent, you might end up laughing a lot with your friends in places where you shouldn't be because you want to have a friendly image, you're already doing great, just need a little more refinement. Also, please don't lose your warmth and generosity because of people who have hurt you. I'm getting that most of you have already realised the things that I'm telling you, this is just confirmation. ”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Pile 2

꒰ Who wanted to be your valentine ? ꒱

↳ “ This person is very successful. You see them as someone very fulfilled and as someone who wants to live their life to the fullest. You might feel sleepy around this person because you just feel so comfortable. They make you feel like you belong, they make you feel included. This is a new person though. It was fated for the both of you to meet. The both of you seem to be grateful to have ever come across each other. The both of you are very different yet very similar. I'd ship you guys if I was around you. The both of you might have split already. I'm getting a very short yet fated meeting. It's something like the both of you were in a group project for a month but don't talk to each other now that the project has ended, even though you both seem to miss each other. This person helped you be more at peace with yourself. I'm getting that just like pile 1, you both let go of each other because you know that you have your own individual healing to do. You both want to see each other but at the same time never see each other again. I'm getting that adoration towards the other came very naturally and a bit too fast. "Why do I care about her even though I barely know her? Why do my eyes look for her in a room full of people even though I don't like her?"

You both feel comforted and happy when the other is around you even if the both of you don't interact. They're mature and compassionate person. They're empathetic towards you and are soft only for you. They feel really affectionate towards you and probably show it too. It's funny because just like pile 1, the both of you seem to roast each other. They're very controlled over their emotions though. You aren't able to figure out if they like you or are just being themself but you feel adored by them either way. They know how to keep their emotions to themself when they want to. They might sometimes try to act non-chalant in front of you and vice versa. I think that the both of you are sure that the other person likes you back but you're also sure that they don't, if you know what I mean. This person has a lot of social intelligence, they are really friendly in general but know when to behave more serious and responsible. One way to recognise this person is that they are really hot when they're angry or serious. They are a warm person in general but sometimes you both end up acting cold towards the other because you both like each other. You guys feel like you've known each other for years. Also, they adore you more than you adore them!! Some of you might have been attracted to pile 1. ”

꒰ What about you catches people's attention ? ꒱

↳ “ People think that you're lucky or privileged in some way. I literally heard 'god's favourite'. People from the past can see that you've changed a lot and people in general can notice that you're going through changes. You know how to connect with people on a soul level. People think that you have a lot of fated connections around you. People think that you are moving towards a better life than the one you're already living. People think that you've learnt a lot of valuable life lessons. They think that you've released control and stopped worrying as much. People think that you're very independent, it doesn't even have to be materially/financially, it can just be in terms of your thoughts and values. You might be a little rebellious too. People can see that you're very self sufficient. I'm also getting that you're able to be grateful for all experiences, negative and positive, regardless of how much it might have pissed you off.

You can come off kinda flashy though. Compared to before, you might be richer, look richer or dress in a more expensive manner. People believe that you've got more than enough for yourself. You might spend a lot of money, maybe even in front of people. You should try to be a little more stingy with money. People think that you're happy. I think this is the perception of people who don't know you very well but even if you know people well, you still like to act like you're having fun or end up acting that way. You help people with their healing. You help people feel relieved and more at peace with yourself. You come off as someone who's been through a lot but is doing well now. You help others move forward and show a lot of empathy towards them, strategize what's the best for them and make sure that they're protected. You seem to be really visually pleasing or into aesthetics, maybe you like buying new and pretty things and talk about it. ”

꒰ What needs your urgent attention ? ꒱

↳ “ You should control your spending. You should also drink more water throughout the day and not chug down gallons of water before bed. Try to live a productive life if you aren't already. Not skipping meals is important for you. Health in general seems to be the theme here. I'm getting that there's a need to strengthen your immune system right now. Also, I'm getting that some of you are already working on creating a better life for yourself and you might be starting by working on your mindset. Some of you might come from a small town where it's difficult to find the resources to follow your passions. I'm also getting that you guys are actually extremely ambitious, you might be resting for a while now though, if not, you should, rest is productive.

However, if you've been resting, it's time to start working again. Forming healthy habits is important for you. You care a lot about material abundance, if you're not feeling good about yourself, work on making, spending and saving up money. You're a wealthy person even if you don't have money, you have a wealth that not many people possess, you're abundant in character and are self aware. You should definitely focus on long term financial stability and security, it keeps on coming up again and again. Spending time in the countryside is going to be really beneficial for you. I'm not getting much here honestly but I think you have a weird mindset regarding money, maybe you're like 'I deserve to spend this money' and end up spending too much but still deep within have a lack mentality regarding money and are always worried about money. ”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Pile 3

꒰ Who wanted to be your valentine ? ꒱

↳ “ They have a very big energy. They stand out and have a very strong personal character. They're also very generous and affectionate. I'm getting that they come off very warm. You might like their hair. They are also a very responsible and reliable person. They are super hot when they get mad. They are tolerant and show affection in really big and also really little ways. You see them as someone with a lot of energy. You might feel really jittery and giggly around them. You seem to like them back. There's a weird romance going on between the both of you. Really exciting feelings. You think that they're trustworthy and hold a lot of loving intentions towards them. You see them as a charming and romantic person. I just heard 'written by a woman'. You are just enjoying what's going on between the both of you without trying to force or create anything for the future. You might think that they're not ready for commitment, atleast for right now. You both seem really curious about each other. You want to know how the other thinks, their beliefs, likes and dislikes, etc. You kinda see them as a muse? For them, they don't want to share you with anyone. This person doesn't let people get close to them very easily, very big and warm hearted but you're one of the few people they hold really close to their heart. They're kind of possessive of you and want you all to themself. They're afraid of losing you. I'm getting that you're someone they really want to keep in their life. However, I'm also getting that they're still kind of guarded.

I think it's the same for you, the both of you seem to have an understanding that you need to heal yourselves and be ready before getting involved with anyone right now. Both parties here seem very mature. You both don't want to share your energy with anyone and even if you want to, you know that you aren't ready so I'm getting a mutual understanding. You're also their muse. They feel like they're living in a romance novel, thanks to you. They think that you're really beautiful in every aspect. You both idealize the other to a healthy extent. You both are faithful towards each other. You both inspire each other and connect on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. There's an almost telepathic connection present here. They find you really graceful and there's a warmth present between the both of you. The both of you seem to be sensitive towards the other's emotions. You know them from a homely environment, maybe your school or workplace if you love the people in there and the atmosphere is homely. I'm getting an educational/professional place that is like a second home. You met somewhere where you have to behave well and follow set rules but there's still a homely atmosphere. You might know them from school, church, university or hospital too though. Every moment you spend together is a special occasion to the both of you. There's a healthy and happy energy surrounding the both of you. You help each other grow and love yourselves even more. You make each other love life. ”

꒰ What about you catches people's attention ? ꒱

↳ “ You seem really happy to people. You seem to have a good life. You seem like the type to vibe through life. Things always seem to work for you. People assume that you have a lot of options and abandon people or situations when you feel like things aren't working anymore. People think that you have plans for the future. You're always progressing in some way, improving and getting better. You come off kinda detached to people. You seem to be a controlled individual who has a lot of control over their own life. People think that you know the secret to living a happy life. People see that you have a lot of people who love you. You have friends who adore you. You are a popular person who seems to be having fun. People think that you're lucky. People might want to be you or live your life. People also notice that you effortlessly steal everyone's attention. Many people want to be friends with you, everyone seems to want a piece of your energy. You might have a really detached or even cold vibe but your facial features might be cuter and warmer but they combine and harmonize together to form a more calm/tired/bored/innocent/bitchy looking face.

When you interact with someone for the first time, you might end up acting like a people's pleaser and charming people's pants off but choose to give people the same energy that they give you as you get to know them. You start becoming warmer/colder as people get to know you, depending on who it is. People feel excited and ecstatic around you. You come off so childlike, sweet and cute, people cannot even say 'no' to you. At the same time, you have a side to you that is mature, detached, cold, stimulating and wise. Some of you might look/have a sweet and young image and people might assume that you don't know much but when they have one-on-one conversations with you, you just leave them so mentally stimulated and wanting more of your mind. Your thoughts, ideas, visuals, values and energy are all very captivating. People might assume that you're a mean girl at first sight but you end up acting really friendly, atleast at the first few meetings. You also seem really sassy at times. You show memeable reactions and facial expressions at times. You kind of remind me of Yumeko Jabami from Kakegurui. You're so much more intelligent than people give you credit for. You're the type who'll always be loved no matter where you go. ”

꒰ What needs your urgent attention ? ꒱

↳ “ You're way more powerful, attractive and influential than you realise. I think you're already pretty confident but you should try to do things that make you feel even more confident. Soon, you'll be feeling very positive and happy. You're on your way to feel even more content. You might get invited to meet someone/a group of people who you've made a lot of memories with, maybe a school reunion. You seem to be girlfriend/boyfriend/partner material. You have a very domestic charm. "That's my girl/man." Is coming through. There's a lot of potential to get to make friends and even get into a romantic relationship. You should continue working towards your desires. I think you have recently shifted your attitude from wanting things to turn out a certain way, you focus on self fulfillment and what's good for you instead. Like, for example, you start growing affection for someone, instead of thinking 'I really hope I end up with them' you're starting to think 'I want to and deserve to be happy.'

You still don't have a selfish attitude though, you have a loving attitude towards everyone and wish that the other person is happy too. You try not to do things that affect other people negatively. This is my favourite pile, I look up to you guys. You never let people change who you are, a kind and loving being. You understand the difference between being selfish to protect yourself and being selfish at the expense of others. There's a lot of love coming towards you. I'm getting that mastering how you manage money is going to be even more helpful for you. You've been through a lot, it's obvious that you have a complex past and personality. It's also obvious that you deserve all the good things that you receive and will receive. I'm so proud of you. I think you're starting to be much more long term happiness focused than short term excitement focused. You still have a fun loving side to you though. I'm getting that you also really care about security and comfort in all forms. I'm really excited for you. I wish you nothing but the best !! ”

#intuitive readings #pick a card #pac reading #tarot pac #astro notes #astrology #astro observations #astrovations #pick a gif #pick a photo #pick a deck #pick a picture #future spouse pick a card

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dairyminki · 1 year ago

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Rielleeeeee, congrats on your milestone darling, im so so proud of you!! I would like to request some fluff with Wooyoung, based off taylor swift's how you get the girl 🤍 Take your time and congrats once again, your event is cute like you 🤍

✨️part of my 300 milestone event 🪄

title: broke your heart, i'll put it back together (song: how you get the girl by taylor swift)

pairing: jung wooyoung x fem!reader

genre: exes to lovers, fluff, angst if you squint

warning/s: none

wc: 1.2k

a/n: oh sweet chip!! 🥺 stfu she called me cute im blushing i got a lil carried away with this hence the wc but likeee i hope i somehow put enough fluff here for u to enjoy?? hehe tysm again bby! ♡

* reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated!

—

Wooyoung was soaking wet.

However, he doesn't mind in the very least. Not even when the fabric of his dress shirt and slacks uncomfortably clings to his body, the wetness of it all spreading goosebumps in his skin as the nightly air blows past him.

See he's not planning on giving up. Not until you open the door and hear him out. Standing outside your doorstep while the rain is pouring doesn't really faze him that much.

Truth be told, Wooyoung's supposed to be aboard the plane right now—completely missing his flight which was just a couple minutes ago. While some may have panicked, he's all but that. Although, he is a tad bit nervous.

Not because he knows his parents will be bombarding him with phone calls and text messages once they know that he's not on a plane returning to gloomy London tomorrow morning—the hell with London and his furious parents. Rather, it's mainly because of you, and you're the only one Wooyoung cares about right now, frankly.

You—who he didn't even get a glimpse of for half a year. Which he thinks he really deserves after deciding to leave you out of the blue. Well, not really out of the blue since he had his reasons, and yeah, well…that's another story for later.

The thing is, tonight wasn't really planned in the slightest. In fact, Wooyoung, coming to your college reunion was a spontaneous decision made by him after Kang Yeosang—one of your friends—accidentally let the fact, that you'll be attending said reunion, slip out from his blabbering mouth.

That random information which luckily fell in Wooyoung's grasp spurred him to grab any clothing his eyes could land on and come rushing in his car to attend tonight's reunion which he so adamantly refused to go to.

And Wooyoung is glad that he did go. Because, as soon as he steps inside the nostalgic campus grounds and through the long hallway leading towards the gymnasium, he sees you.

You who looked stunning dressed in that white dress he had gifted you way back then, just barely a year in your relationship. Wooyoung bought that dress with the thought of putting a ring on your finger someday.

And he is hoping that despite all that's been said and done between you two, that 'someday' will still be just right around the corner.

If only you'd just open up and hear his words tonight, then it possibly would.

The heavens above might just be hearing his pleas, or he just looks too pathetic already that they can't stand a second longer of seeing him standing under the rain—if he's really unlucky, they might even send down a lightning bolt or something.

Wooyoung squints his eyes when he sees the beige curtains on your window move slightly. He wasn't sure at first if he was just seeing things, but then he catches sight of how one of your dangly earrings subtly produced a needle-like flash due to the LED lights on your porch.

His heart does a little leap at the fact of you peeking at him and the possibility of you opening the door.

But that moment of subtle joy fades when you open the door and then it reveals you—you with puffy eyes and a red nose. His heart almost breaks at the sight of you just hesitatingly opening the door even wider.

"You're insane." Were your first words to him that night.

"It's just a little rain," He replies, offering the smallest of smiles, not really sure how to react now that you're finally facing each other.

You sniffle and shake your head, for a second, you look down at your fiddling hands, and then you're looking back at him, gaze sharp, "Why are you here, Wooyoung?"

"I- well, I—"

"Why am I even talking to you?" You sigh, already moving to close the door but of course he puts a foot in, preventing the door from shutting on his face, and preventing you from shutting him away from your life furthermore.

"I'm really not supposed to be here right now, but here I am," Wooyoung spits out in a rush. "Please, just…hear me out?" He asks, his voice sounding out to be a lot smaller.

"Woo-" You stop yourself, sighing, "Come on in, let's get you dry first."

You were too nice, too nice even to someone who broke your heart, Wooyoung thinks. But that's why he's here, hell-bent on fixing things with you and proving to you that he won't do that same mistake of leaving you ever again.

"You're wearing the dress. I thought…you threw it already," Wooyoung speaks up by the time you come back to him with a towel and some spare clothes. His old clothes, he takes note.

"Y-Yeah, I thought it'd be suitable for the theme of the reunion." You shrug, handing him the towel while you hang the clean clothes on the sofa's arm. And then he hears you clear your throat.

"I know you're still drying yourself up, but…why are you here, Woo?"

"Funny you should ask me that because I should be in a plane back to London right now but-"

"You missed your flight?!" You cut off his ramblings with a shout.

"Willingly, Y/N. I missed my flight willingly and I'm very pleased with it." Wooyoung smirks.

"What would your-"

"And that is why you should hear me out tonight or my sacrifice would literally mean nothing," Wooyoung replies with a pout, and then he spreads the towel on half of the sofa, sits down, and then pats the empty space, that was also wet towel-free, beside him.

Wooyoung goes on about his mistakes, his reasons, and countless of apologies while you fiddled with the hem of your dress for most of it.

"I mean, i-it's only been six months, Woo. The memory is still fresh and…" You don't get to finish what you were saying as the tears finally escape you. Wooyoung immediately cups your face in his hands and wipes the tears that keep coming, his touch, ever so gentle.

"I would wait forever and ever. Because I want you for worse or for better, and everything in between, Y/N." He whispers, already in tears as well, and when your previously quivering lips break into a smile, he does the same.

But then, Wooyoung's phone resounds with a ding, which got both of your attention. You were the first one to look away and stare at the phone on the table, an audible gasp leaving your mouth when you saw the picture that served as his lockscreen.

"You never changed it…" You point out, looking back at him and seeing Wooyoung's lips break into an even wider grin.

A picture taken during the 26th of November, Wooyoung's birthday. A picture of him kissing you on the cheek while you're wearing your brightest smile. A picture he randomly self-captured with his phone as soon as his lips met the softness of your cheek—your giggles filling the entire apartment.

It was the same day that he gave you that dress, and the very day that you finally said yes to him being your boyfriend. The day you officially became his other half, and he, yours.

#wooyoung x reader #cromernet #pirateeznet #Hiraya-M #k-labels #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #wooyoung fluff #ateez fluff #wooyoung scenarios #ateez imagine #dairyminkiwrites #dairyminki_atzwy #dairyminki's 300 milestone event #m: jaehunnyy #💌—dream.with.elle

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deiaiko · 4 months ago

Text

#22.7 Lunch

Grace had led their guests to the cafeteria, where rows of dishes had been arranged and carefully prepared.

His team took the initiative to make a buffet where each of them cooked a few dishes for their guests and served them anonymously, though that led to a wide range of food, from modified instant noodles to expensive roasted meat. At least there was variety, and hopefully it could cover everyone's preferences.

Grace had given a short speech to thank everyone for participating in the game, and to welcome them to enjoy the buffet. Though the atmosphere was a little awkward with half of the team away to accompany Agni.

At first, the princesses looked at the food warily. But after an explanation from Grace, and after Dan and Gyetang ate their portions to prove them safe, they were finally willing to get their servings.

They gathered together around the long table specifically prepared for this occasion, enough for everyone present. Currently, it was only occupied by Endorsi, Anaak, Hatz, Gyetang, Dan, and Grace himself. Laure was left to sleep on the sofa by the window. Hopefully, he wouldn't be forgotten later on.

It seemed like Gyetang and Dan were having the time of their lives just by talking to Endorsi, and Grace really appreciated that she took the time to indulge his team.

Anaak definitely looked like she would rather be anywhere else but there, but Grace believed that she also found the situation amusing. Especially when Endorsi looked like she wanted to throw hands at her fanboys.

In contrast, Hatz had been eating his lunch quietly. Only speaking if he had to, and only after his mouth was empty. The scene reminded Grace exactly of how it played out all those years ago on the second floor. He felt nostalgic.

Grace obviously didn't want to miss the opportunity to get to know everyone, and began asking questions on mundane things, like their favorite foods, favorite activities, recommended places they would like to revisit, why they were climbing the tower, some fond memories of their past…and so on.

Of course, questions were also thrown his way. He tried to answer it as best as he could, but he avoided telling anything that concerned his past. It was still a sensitive topic to get through, even between him and Agni. He only hoped this wouldn't lead them to think that he was cold.

The elevator behind him let out a soft chime. He turned around to look and beamed when he noticed Agni and Novick. Though he wished the others had tagged along as well.

Novick went to get his servings, Agni only spared Novick a glance before making his way to the empty seat next to Grace.

"Isu and Bam said they'll wait for Ran," Agni informed as a greeting. "I've told them where to find us."

The conversations afterward were mostly led by Endorsi and Agni. Not the friendliest exchange, unsurprisingly. It was more like a business deal with some sarcasm, but it kept the room alive.

Soon Novick joined them, sitting near Dan and Gyetang. Endorsi scanned him once and looked pleased when Novick didn't give her as much of a reaction.

Between the banter, Grace noticed that Agni was sitting quite stiffly. He did a check on him earlier after the game ended, so he knew what was wrong. It was the usual cold and ache that Agni had gotten used to. The game earlier and the days of preparation beforehand definitely had put a lot of strain on him. Was that why he didn't get food along with Novick? What could he do to help in this circumstance?

After a few moments of pondering, Grace downed his glass of water and turned to Agni. "Do you want to eat anything in particular? I'm going to get refills, so might as well."

"Well…Okay." Agni gave him a brief smile, and glanced at the buffet table. "Is there any warm soup?"

Grace had the urge to tuck Agni under a warm blanket and tell him to take it easy for the day. Alas, they need to host for the occasion today, so that wouldn't do. He pushed the thought away and recalled the menu they had prepared. "We have rawon."

Agni raised his eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes." Grace grinned. He knew Agni wouldn't say no to that.

"Can you get me the meat and soup only?"

"Of course. With tea?"

"Yes. Thank you."

And so Grace went to the buffet table and prepared Agni's order. A medium bowl, some chunks of meat, and then soup. A cold water refill for his own glass. And lastly a steaming cup of tea with an extra spoonful of honey.

As he was stirring the drink, Rak and Khun joined him to get some food. Seeing them together, still bickering, made his heart swell. It almost felt like he was reliving the past. Which he kind of was doing, in a way.

Khun examined each of the menus, holding up a spoon indecisively. "Which one did Bam cook?"

Grace smiled and put his pointer finger on his lips. "It's a secret."

"It's just food, what's the big deal?"

"Exactly," Grace winked. "Does it matter who made which?"

Khun raised an eyebrow, challenging him. "It matters to me."

A chuckle escaped his throat. Has Khun always been this sappy? That was cute. But Khun should have tried better if he wanted to get that information from him. Definitely not with that attitude. "Just get some of each, then it’s guaranteed that you'll get Bam's in the mix."

"Best turtle is right!" Rak laughed, with his plate already filled to the brim. "I'm trying everything regardless! They all smell good!"

"See? Rak gets it." Grace laughed as he summoned his lighthouse to place Agni's order on. Truly, Rak was the best. His heart unhelpfully ached at the thought. He needed to think of something else. "Are Isu and Bam still with Ran?"

"Yep," Rak was the one who answered, since Khun was purposely ignoring him.

Grace felt his chest squeeze at the realization. Maybe he should've told Khun the answer he wanted to hear? But that would be against the rules that his team had agreed on. Khun had always been cold to him anyway, though the silent treatment was new.

Grace didn't know where he went wrong the first time, and this one seemed to be too petty to get mad for. Maybe he was just overthinking it.

Don't mind, don't mind. He told himself as he focused back on the task at hand. He had kept Agni waiting long enough. He should get back to him while the meal was still warm.

Grace took notice of Khun taking several servings of food. He was probably going back to the medbay. So Grace turned to Rak and asked, "Care to join me here, Rak?"

Masterlist

Let me know your thoughts in the reblogs <3

☕ Buy me coffee ☕

#I need Grace to be thoughtful for Agni to make up for all those times he had abandoned him *looks at helltrain arc until current arc* *pain*#i still got thrown out of loop when reading rawon even tho i wrote it myself hahaha (yes i was eating that before writing this chap)#rawon is best eaten when warm after all. When it's at room temp the fat in the soup will coagulate so it needs to be reheated #wholesome Rak <3 i still feel bad for killing the other him but there are no regrets. Dw I have plans for him on future season >;D *laughs*#On one hand I'm enjoying how coldly Khun treats Grace in contrast to how he does with Bam #on the other hand the identity reveal will have to come at some point. I look forward and dreaded it at the same time #so guess I gotta make the most of it while it lasts #tower of god #tog #two sides of the same coin fic #my fic #the 25th baam #the 25th bam #jue viole grace #koon #khun a.a #khun aguero agnis #khunbam #koonbaam #bamxkhun #rak wraithraiser #hatz #endorsi jahad #edin dan #gyetang #anaak jahad #phonsekal laure #shibisu #ship leesoo #khun ran

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cherryapplebee · 7 months ago

Text

a list of things I really liked about the bear (on first watch)

1. the show begins and ends with the shot of the train passing by. it isn't shown stopping just moving across the screen as if to drive home the transitional journey that S3 depicted between major plot points that can occur in the show

2. carmy actually apologises to richie and says I love you. i wish there was more of the sincere apology

3. tina and richie sharing their parenting experience with nat

4. nat listening to the "types of children alcoholics have" and having it memorised, wanting not to let what is in her head ruin her baby's experience and just her overall sincere efforts to be a good mother

5. sydney being inducted into the family with richie clearly respecting + relying on her during service, marcus and sydney sharing their experiences of losing their mothers, cicero talking to Sydney and visibly realising how important she is to the bear, Sydney and pete together, Sydney and TINA ofc. i just love Sydney being part of the bear family

6. how introspective and creative markus is and him really finding expression through his desserts

7. carmy + luca meeting at chef terry's

8. carmy + chef terry's conversation

9. all those past flashbacks of carmy genuinely being content and at peace while working and learning in restaurants and around chefs who respected him

10. loved to see more of how carmy communicates through non verbal creative expression forms like his beautiful drawings, his silent improvements in the kitchen, his food ofc

11. the split screen scene where Richie is standing in the dining area shrouded in blue light and carmy inside in the kitchen in warmer light was extremely reminiscent of the argument scene they had from S2 when carmy was stuck in the walk in. except in the S2 scene they were actually facing each other actively fighting but in the S3 parallel they have their backs to each other and their lighting has flipped.

12. luca just luca. nerd luca geeking out about dish ideas and getting nervous in front of his idol chef. nostalgic luca. luca + sydney friendship. luca + carmen friendship. just every second he was on screen.

13. adding more character depth to cicero and how he genuinely cares about carmy + nat

14. sydney getting POACHED angst because I love the DRAMAHH

15. the found family of the bear. i love all my chefs so much. they have my entire heart.

16. STRANGE CURRENCIES STILL PLAYING OVER *CONFLICTED* CARMY AND CLAIRE RELATIONSHIP omg that song gives me so much brainrot it's always SO STRATEGICALLY PLACED.

17. the wholesome party at syd's house after funeral in the last ep

18. MORE OF SYD AND HER DAD

19. pete is so cute fr

20. Richie just being such a great dad

21. episode one man. i just really like how it was paced.

22. in true invisible string ass fashion carmy serving his modified blood orange dish to Sydney OBVIOUSLY

23. the chef's at Terry's funeral dinner just talking about how much they love their jobs and their passion for food.

I know I'll notice more things about this season that I'll like and obviously there are things i disliked. but rn I am not focusing on the latter that much. the time will come for it. I've just been waiting for this season for so long. and i really do appreciate it for whatever it was. i love the bear and the people in this show and i love that the show truly is becoming more and more about the BEAR as a WHOLE rather than just carmy. I hope it keeps getting richer and richer.

eagerly awaiting what's next :)

#the bear #sydcarmy #the bear fx #the bear hulu #chris storer

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roomsofangel · 1 year ago

Text

. . BY YOUR SIDE / DESTROY YOU

# CHAPTER TWO !

synopsis in which you were always the type to push down and never confront your past and the feelings that came with it — all of the pain and regret. but now you’re back at where it all started, having no choice but to face it and feel everything all at once

warnings y/n has a panic attack but its not detailed, only showing an implication that she is but the scene ends before it goes further

wc 1.4k

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ^_^

you stretched out your body as someone would an old childhood shirt, bones cracking and falling into a more comfortable place with a quiet satisfied groan before rolled your shoulders back, looking around at the warehouse that was an agreed upon meeting destination. the nostalgia weighed heavy, you could swear you saw droplets of memories splattered around the scene outside and you cringed.

as if your mind was being read, you felt a warm calloused hand on your shoulder, “yeah. me too.” you glanced to see seonghwa who had a similar gaze that mirrored yours, lips pressed together in an attempt to give you a thin lipped but reassuring smile before he patted your back and continued on with his bass that was in his hand, resting in its own case.

part of you wanted to change your mind, but music was your passion. even when things fell apart back then, you still craved music and the arts of being on stage again someday kept you going. however ever since him, you struggled making a name for yourself after. for your own band after he left.

sometimes you could still taste the smoke if you focused hard enough but hongjoong snaps you into reality with a few calls of your name, you follow shortly after with an unsettling feeling in your stomach. just ignore it. you didn’t eat today so that could be it. just ignore it.

“you okay?” mingi noticed your discomfort, his voice a bit lower to keep the conversation between the two of you as he put his drumsticks in his back pocket and you nodded in response. “yeah, just nostalgic.” and he hummed, laughing a bit as a response as the two of you started to walk again to catch up with seonghwa and hongjoong. “yeah.. i feel that.”

you returned the small laugh, looking ahead and watching how hongjoong and seonghwa talked and looked at each other with stars in their eyes even after all these years, even after the three years all of you separated. at times, it feels as if none of you parted ways for that long. you could feel the lump in your throat, but you swallowed it down harshly and kept going. “so, we set up here and then what?” mingi’s voice prompted when the two of you made it to the others

“explore a little, we haven’t been on this side of town in.. what? three years?” hongjoong’s features scrunched up when he attempted to recall, seonghwa mumbled a confirmation while he was kneeled over tying his shoe and making sure everything was settled. “a lot has changed, and trapnest wont be here until another hour so we have time.” hongjoong continued

sooner rather than later, you found yourself walking the same streets that you swore you would never even think about again, much less be back where the air is suffocating and your clothes now felt tight. a lot has changed, only the dread stayed the same. it was a bittersweet atmosphere.

“oh! check it out, sakura boutique is still going strong,” seonghwa’s head motioned ahead, your gaze followed to see the light pink and beige clothing boutique where you used to spend some of your time with the owner. you wiped your damp palms on your hands, “crazy, do you think keomi still works there?” mingi asked before pausing to light the cigarette he had between his teeth, covering enough to block the wind with his hand until he lit up and continued walking.

“beats me, its been three years.” seonghwa shrugged, shoving his hands in his jacket’s pockets. you wondered if keomi still did too, but the last time you two talked she was eager on following after your footsteps and had a ticket to leave with you. the guilt was overwhelming, maybe its best to convince yourself she moved a long time ago and there was a new bubbly employee taking her spot.

exhaling the nicotine, mingi chuckled, “we should stop by there sometime.” he voiced his thoughts out loud as you all continued walking, seonghwa muttering a somewhat agreement while hongjoong only nodded to acknowledge the suggestion but not voice if he would be down for the visit or not. sharing a stolen glance with hongjoong, he lifted his finger to his head and swirled his finger to mimic a ‘this guy is crazy’ expression which made you snort, rushing to brush your hand over your mouth in an attempt to cover it up

“what’s so funny back there?” seonghwa teased, glancing towards you and hongjoong who smiled and tilted his head towards mingi who was focused more on looking around at the familiar shops and some of the new ones you assumed came long after all of you left.

the four of you looked around a bit more, deciding to wander around the shopping center you all used to hang out in a little too much that it seemed as if you lived there. and you weren’t sure how you got here, why your feet began to wander further and further away from your group until you walked into the bittersweet record-shop. you cringed at the scent that filled your nose rather then relished in as before, forcing a smile when an employee greeted you.

your manicured nails grazed some of the records, nearly scoffing at seeing a trapnest vinyl propped up with more of their works, noticing how blackstones were scattered around nearby. even now, you were living in someone’s shadow.

“there you are,” seonghwa chuckled, you only smiled in response, setting the vinyl down and giving him a bit more attention. “here i am,” you voiced back with a soft sigh. “can you believe they still have blackstone albums here?” you questioned with a slight smile and head shake, and seonghwa looked where you head motioned towards with your head and smiled

you noticed his eyes graze over and scan the more bigger shrine for trapnest, “used to be us.” he chuckled, his tone playful, “but it’s nice to see people see listen to us even after..” his voice trailed off and you knew exactly what he was referring to. no one liked to talk about it out loud, or even mention it fully unless it was like this and you only nodded.

“where’s mingi and joong?” you asked to steer the conversation into another direction, the two of you starting to walk down more of the aisles and looking around at more of the albums and vinyls. “food court, came to get you.” he replied, fixing his hair back up into the small ponytail he had it in and you nodded, “yeah i could use some food before going back.” you laughed, patting his shoulder and he playfully nudged you to the side causing the two of you to laugh a bit more before your attention faltered and wandered towards a specific part of the store

the lump in your throat was more prominent than ever, heart racing and stomach dropping. “what are you looking at?” seonghwa asked, before he followed your gaze and his face dropped as well as yours had. “y/n, come on,” he tried to drag you away so you didnt hurt yourself more by staring but you shook your arm out of his grasp

you swallowed harshly, unsure of whether it was okay to move yet or if you needed to hold onto something, “did you know?” you managed to croak out and seonghwa shook his head. “none of us did.” he reassured, voice barely audible and you couldn’t rip your eyes off that poster.

it was a band of five, four guys and a girl who you assumed to be the vocalist but your eyes weren’t on her, they couldn’t seem to hold on anyone except one member with a familiar lock necklace that you still had the key to even now, mockingly staring at you.

mouth dry, you blinked away tears and pulled seonghwa along out of the record shop in a haste, and seonghwa didnt hesitate to follow and the two of you walked and walked with no sign of stopping until you got to the food court where you saw concern gazes immediately from hongjoong and mingi when they noticed

“what happened?!” hongjoong asked, bringing you into his arms immediately and you could feel your knees giving up. no no, you cant do this here. why here? why now?

seonghwa looked at mingi and hongjoong, swallowing before speaking, “san is in trapnest.”

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