#not me being uncool and talking about toe walking

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

Not me being awake at 2 in the morning again having forgotten what the original question was that I googled because I got distracted by so called "prism glasses"

I was looking at something about gait and posture in people with asd and came across something saying that prism glasses could stop patients from toe walking. I was immediately like that has to be bullshit. As a lifelong toe walker myself, it made no sense to me that changing visual perception could do anything to effect the way I walk, because how I walk is a stim thing as well as an ingrained habit. My spatial issues are not in any way related to the way I walk. So I decided to look into this.

At first all I found were articles by autism mommies and optometrists. So that already tells me not to trust this method. Autism mommies are concerned with normalizing their child without listening to them, while optometrists would of course want to promote their new money-making scheme. So I kept looking for more evidence-based clinical trials that showed long term results...and I kept mostly getting anecdotal evidence. Finally I was able to find scholarly articles buried deep in google that told me there is no evidence that this treatment works, and one even suggested that they cause discomfort and headache to the patient! Like great! Another autism cure that works by maximizing our discomfort!

Because that's always the key to these new treatments. My parents tried to get me to stop for years with different approaches and I finally managed to when I started doing theatre. But see the thing is that I never completely stopped. I just stopped doing it in front of people. It became a shame thing along with all of my stims. My theory is that these miracle results some parents have seen with prism lenses came from the same reason that my mom's treatments seemed to help me: the child knows what the treatment is supposed to be for and is so uncomfortable and full of shame that they hide the symptom in front of you in order to make you happy. I mean think about it. How is a type of lens going to stop someone from walking on their toes? That doesn't even make sense. It's that meme about connecting the dots. These things aren't even related.

I found some gems on a forum about the practice too:

I'm just. So exhausted. I'm not even going to unpack all of that.

Again, as someone who exclusively toe walked for 10 years then transitioned to being able to walk nearly normally most of the time, I think it's ridiculous. You shouldn't be shaming or berating your child, you're only making them feel worse. There are much better ways to go about helping your child learn to navigate the world without trying to make them stop stimming altogether. Their stimming doesn't affect you, so fuck off.

I've known other autistics who toe walked or had other similar walking abnormalities and we've mostly self corrected by observing and copying our peers as we age. It's not something you totally grow out of, but it shouldn't be a huge problem resulting in "deformities" as you age. The only real thing I can think of is calluses and I think my toes are shaped weird but then again I think everyone's feet are weird. I just want people to fuck off with their non-evidence based autism cures and leave us alone

[bts-hyperfixation]

Christmas vacation. 18+

Kim Namjoon x reader

Warnings: sir!namjoon/ voyeurism/ unprotected/ masturbation (f)/ oral(b)

Words: 4021

Every year your family spends Christmas with the Kim family. Your parents have been friends since long before you were born.

You used to really enjoy these dinners: your mother’s Christmas cookies, the Korean soup the Kim family brought with them, and of course the small pile of brand-new toys to play with. It was especially fun to have Namjoon around, he had been your first crush, and this was the only time you could get his attention all to yourself; none of his friends in the way making him ignore you as they laugh.

You’d been really good friends when you were young; but at some point it became uncool to be friends with girls. So bowing to peer pressure he started being mean when others were around, eventually leading to being mean when it was only the two of you. At that point you decided it wasn’t worth the effort and moved on to bigger and better things, ignoring him or being snarky and mean back.

Your friends never understood why you guys were so mean to each other, he had a reputation around school as being one of the nicest people to work with (and be around in general). However you had never managed to fix the ever-growing rift between you. You hated the very sight of him, even when he left to become an idol. If anything it made it so much worse when his face was everywhere and anyone new you met idolized the band.

Which brought you to this Christmas, the first one he would be attending in two years. You had whined at your mom about not wanting to stay this year, claiming you were old enough to not spend the holidays with them. You should be able to go to a friends and actually enjoy yourself. Your mom was having none of. She shut down your new plans as soon as they left your mouth; you immediately started pouting like a child.

“Look Y/N, it won’t do you any good to spend the next day and a half looking like an angry toddler, all it’s going to do is give you wrinkles” your mom chided. You huffed and straightened out your features, she was right after all.

On Christmas day the Kim’s arrived without Namjoon in toe. You couldn’t help but feel relieved. Probably too busy with last minute dance class or something equally dumb. It was great thinking you might get to avoid him for another year.

You went about the day as normal: talking with the Kims, watching a Christmas movie, and opening the presents under the tree before dinner. Unfortunately, just as you sat down to eat he strolled through the door, oozing confidence and arrogance.

“Sorry I’m late, got caught up saying goodbye to the boys” he shrugged bending to kiss his mother and taking the only seat left at the table… next to you. His leg brushed against yours under the table sending shivers up your spine as you physically recoiled. Your parents stare at you both pointedly until you make the effort to speak to one another.

“Y/N, how are you? I see you’ve not been up to anything special of late” he jeered sounding almost bored.

“I’m sorry we can’t all be global superstars at age 26 Joon” he inhaled sharply in amusement that that was the best you could throw at him.

The two of you ate in silence while your families caught up with each other. As you had gotten older, your two families found themselves spending less and less time together with increasingly busy schedules. That’s when they came up with their latest brilliant idea.

“By the way guys we have a surprise present for the both of you” said Mrs. Kim, a smile on her face as she handed you both a sae bae don. With your family eyeing you expectantly you open the red envelopes to reveal plane tickets to the Caribbean for the following week.

“Oh my gosh this is amazing; I have always wanted to go to the Caribbean!” you squealed. In your excitement you knocked over the gravy on the table, accidently covering yourself, and Namjoon, in the hot liquid.

“Fuck Y/N, you’re such a klutz!” he yelped as he jumped from his seat. After being chastised for his language he stormed off to the bathroom to clean himself off, pulling his top over his head and showcasing his muscular back as he went. Your heart fluttered with what you assumed was rage as you huffed and headed into the laundry room. You were standing there in just your bra soaking your shirt before it ruined when he walked in behind you.

“God don’t you knock?” you squeaked as you pulled one of your dad’s shirts in front of you to cover yourself from his view, not missing the way his eyes raked down your body.

“Hello? I’m talking to you Joon?” you wave a hand in front of his face to get him to stop looking at you.

“Typically, walking into a public room of a house, I don’t knock no. Your mom told me to grab one of your dad’s shirts to borrow” you recovered from your original embarrassment noticing he was also stood there shirtless. Your eyes following a similar pattern to the one his had just taken down your curves. He took a step towards you, invading your personal space and towering over you. You stood there for a moment unsure of what he was planning. He broke eye contact first taking your dad’s shirt out of your hands before pulling it over his head. He snorted at the bewildered look on your face and left the room, leaving you there breathing much heavier than you were before and once again half naked. You pulled on a shirt from the clean laundry and headed back to join your family for the board game part of your Christmas festivities. Namjoon’s eyes caught yours every so often, he was very distinctly handsome, and the thought of him shirtless and so close to you wouldn’t leave your mind. If only he had a more tolerable personality.

…..

Two weeks passed and you found yourself standing with Namjoon at the entrance to a hotel room. Your parents had insisted you were way too old to share with them, which made sense, they deserved their privacy too. Unfortunately, that left you with a less than desirable roommate.

“You guys won’t even be in the hotel room that often, you’ll barely see each other” your dad had reasoned when the two of you started to put up a fight “plus we are not paying for the extra room”

You headed inside putting your suitcase on the bed closest to the window.

“What if I wanted that bed?” Namjoon grumbled.

“Should have gotten to it faster” you shrugged unzipping it to unpack.

After your stuff had been put away you changed out of your airplane clothes into a bikini and sheer wrap. At the sound of you exiting the bathroom Namjoon looked up from the book he was sat reading on his bed. His eyes trailed down your form through your wrap, reminiscent of his roaming gaze on Christmas. You went to make snide comment but instead he quickly closed the book, grabbed a pair of trunks, and headed for the bathroom. Not waiting for him to finish you called out that you were heading for the pool and left the room.

Everyone else was already downstairs when you reached the side of the pool. You set down your towel and chose the best sun lounger with your group. You get settled in and close your eyes ready for a nap in the warm sun after the long flight. Not long into your attempt at a sleep a shadow covered your body making you scowl, but not open your eyes.

“You can’t have the best bed and the best sun lounger, that’s not fair” Namjoon points out bitterly.

“Like I said before, you should’ve been faster” you smirk a little too proud of yourself.

“Is that right?” you felt the shadow over you move and settled back in, assuming you’d won the little banter and he would now go sulk elsewhere. Unfortunately for you, he had actually just moved to get a better grip. He pulled you over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift and carried you towards the deep end of the pool. You opened your eyes wide in shock and started to thrash around panicking.

“Joon you put me down right this instant.” You screamed. His only response was to slap you firmly on the bum and growl.

“You’re done being such a tease to me” the low tone in his voice made you feel tight at your core, but you didn’t have time to fully digest what he said because you were swiftly dropped into the water waiting below. As you came up for air planning to chastise him, he cannonballed next to you covering you in a tidal wave. He laughed at the drowned rat look you were now sporting. Embarrassed and annoyed you went with the only fitting punishment and pushed a large amount of water in the idols direction, resulting in a full splash war. Trying to gain the traction you needed to push him fully underwater and drown him, you jumped on his back and wrapped your hands in his hair.

“Hey that’s not fair” he whined trying to shake you free. You laughed at his failed attempts clinging on for dear life as he flipped backwards, sending you both under the water. The pair of you were laughing when you came up for air. It’s nice to laugh with him again, your mind started to wander as you realized the position you’d put yourself in.

Now clung to his front, your legs wrapped around his waist putting you practically nose to nose. You released and recoiled immediately, clambering out of the pool, and making excuses to your family before heading back inside. For someone you hate so much, he definitely had an immensely powerful effect on you lately.

You reached your room quickly, and content that Namjoon probably wouldn’t be back for a while you grabbed the small silver vibrator from the secret compartment within your suitcase and ran a bath for yourself to wash the day away. Too busy rubbing your swollen clit and thinking about how attractive Namjoon was to you all of a sudden. You hadn’t heard him come back into the room. After he called out for you and got no response, he opened the bathroom door in order to freshen up for an afternoon lunch by the ocean.

He is shocked to find you masturbating. Mouth ajar, headphones in, one leg over the side of the bath to give you better access to yourself. Mesmerized, he didn’t move out of the door frame. Instead he watched as you got closer and closer to your high, little mewling sounds leaving your lips, and then one word he never expected to hear.

“Namjoon” you moaned as your body convulsed slightly reaching your edge.

His pants twitched looking at you like that forcing him back into reality. Quickly he exited the room before you came around and saw him stood there. He sat on his bed readjusting himself to make it less obvious that he was sporting a semi, playing innocent when you walk out of the bathroom in a new outfit ready for lunch.

“Oh” you said sheepishly “I didn’t realize you were back in the room” the blush left on your skin from you’re orgasm intensified. He refused to make eye contact but shrugs

“I’ve only just walked in” he stood and pushed passed you into the bathroom and you released a sigh of relief as you took the bullet out of your cleavage and hid it back in its special compartment. Feeling slightly disgusted about masturbating to the thought of a guy you supposedly hate, you tried to get your mind to focus on other things, taking one of the books Namjoon brought with him off the bedside table.

You were upside-down, legs up on the wall, 3 chapters deep when Namjoon walked back into the room, his face flushed pink. You’d put it down to sunburn and the two of you lest, ready to go out and meet your families.

Its late by the time you guys got back to the room, having gone on an exploration of the area after dinner, then a bar. You were three or four drinks in, and more than ready to flop into bed, but something was bothering you.

“What’s your problem?” you asked accusatorily “You’ve been glaring at me since dinner, does my existence really bother you that much?” he sighed and turned away from you to head into the bathroom trying to ignore your question. But you blocked his way passed, putting a hand on his chest to try to prevent him from moving forward.

“No, answer me, you don’t get to ignore me for the next two weeks just because you want to be an asshole” he finally met your questioning gaze, something dancing behind his deep brown eyes. He grabbed your hand from its position on his torso and used it as leverage to push you up against the wall, you seized up; unsure of where to go from here, he was just staring at you, gaze flicking between your eyes and mouth.

“What do you think you’re doing?” your voice came out a lot quieter than you wanted it to. He inched ever closer, your body now flat against the cool wall behind you.

“I saw you today” he finally broke his silence, his voice low and raspy, sending your mind reeling.

“Saw me do what exactly?” you gulped having a feeling you already knew what.

“You were touching yourself… and thinking of me” his confident smirk doing nothing to stop the heat that pooled in your stomach.

“I don’t know what you mean” you grimaced, looking away; trying to hide the blush creeping up your face. He applied more pressure to keep you from squirming out of his hold. Using his free hand he pulled your face back to his. His mouth a whisper away as he breathed the next words.

“I can’t get the sight of you out of my head, spread wide, pushing yourself to the limit with that pathetic little toy. I could give you something much better to please yourself with”

You snorted at his attempt and came to your senses, pushing him away.

“You seem to have forgotten my intense dislike of you Joon.” You Walked back to your bed, far out of his reach. Watching his next move carefully, you could hear your heart beating loud in your chest. Fairly sure he could hear it too. He didn’t give up, moving closer to you, grabbing your wrists, and pulling you up to him again.

“Things can change Y/N, now do as you’re told” he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to yours tentatively, seeking the approval to continue. Frozen there, your brain tried to figure out what was happening between the two of you. Whether you wanted this because you like him or because of the alcohol. Relenting you melted into his form, deepening the kiss yourself. He needed no further approval and lifted you to wrap your legs around his waist pushing the two of you back against a wall.

“God I’ve been waiting for this since we were like 16” he admitted as he moved his lips down to your collarbone licking and sucking his way along.

“Yeah right asshole” you said breathless.

“Watch what you call me angel” he growled out the threat surprising you. “It’s sir or master now”

“Who are you kidding?” you sniggered, and he pus you down. You looked into his eyes to see there is no joking going on instead he pushed you hard onto his bed. He manhandled you onto all fours and he spanked you twice, not hard but firm enough to assert himself. The sudden aggression turned you on even more. You could feel yourself soaking through your underwear. You tried to turn to see him, but he applied pressure to your shoulders preventing you from pivoting your body. He leaned down so he could whisper in your ear.

“Is this okay?” he nibbled on your ear waiting for your response. You nodded slowly, not trusting your voice to not betray you with a moan. “I need you to tell me, tell me you’re okay baby girl”

“I’m okay” you let out a shaky breath of anticipation.

“I’m okay, who?” the smirk was evident in his voice knowing that he hadn’t even begun to touch you properly and you were already this turned on

“I’m okay, sir” You conceded but there was a venom in the word as you said it. He chuckled to himself.

“God you are such a little brat, guess I’ll have to fix that” he released his hold on your shoulders and you turned to lie flat onto your back gazing up and biting your bottom lip waiting to see how he decided to punish you. He’s stood above you carefully and slowly undoing the buckle on his belt.

“Sit up” came his only command you did as told mesmerized by the motion of his slender fingers working to free himself from his pants. His cock girthier than expected and already leaking precum proving he was just as turned on as you.

“Open” he said, but you turned your head like a petulant child, wanting to know how far you could push him and this new dynamic he’d tried to create between the two of you. He chuckled at your defiance and pulled your head back to face front. Hand holding under your chin his thumb ran across your mouth forcing your lips to part for him and having you suck on it.

“Don’t test me princess” there was danger in the tone of his voice as he moved his thumb out of your mouth to grab your hair and pull you gently by it to your knees. This time you opened your mouth expectantly tongue out and ready, waiting for him to allow you to continue. He placed the head of his cock on to your tongue and you licked down the shaft causing him to tremor slightly before taking him in fully.

He had been so busy with the band lately; it must have been a while since he had gotten the chance to release himself. He used your hair as leverage to force his cock further down your throat causing tears to form in the corners of your eyes and a small cough try to escape around the thick mass. He pulled his cock almost all the way out before ramming back into you, fucking your throat roughly. You felt him tense as if nearing a release and he pulled away; you moan at the sudden removal from and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. Looking at him with questioning eyes he offered a hand to help you up. You took it and he pulled you in close kissing you fervently, tasting himself on you.

“You’re too much baby girl” he breathed and then pushed you on to the bed, undoing and pulling down your pants, his fingers traced slowly down your legs. He tossed your clothes aside and separated your legs getting a good look at your core for the first time. He bit at your thigh the sudden pleasure making you moan a little too loud. “Careful kitten my parents are in the room next door” you’d put a hand to your mouth as the other clawed into the bed to try and help you steady yourself.

Namjoon blew softly on your clit making you shiver. His eyes met yours asking if he could taste you. You nodded and he glared back for a moment until you realised your mistake.

‘Yyyes sir” you stammered no longer needing a prompt to use the name. That’s all he needed for him to lick a line up your thigh before flicking his talented tongue against your clit. He dragged his tongue through your folds before plunging deep into your hole, tasting the arousal he’d made you feel. He grabbed your hips creating small halfmoon marks where his nails dug into your skin. He sucked hard on your clit making you throw your head back from the shockwave it sent up your core. He brought one hand down to help him please you, slowly pushing two fingers all the way into you. You constricted around the digits, grinding down onto them, making him hit your sweet spot. He pumped his fingers in and out scissoring occasionally to stretch you. You core is wound tighter and tighter as you got closer to your release.

“I think I’m I’m I’m gonna c..” you trailed off and he suddenly left you empty and alone. As a reflex you reached with grabby hands to get the feeling of him back and he chuckled.

“Baby girl, surely you didn’t think it would be that easy? Not after what a brat you were to me” you cried out regretting your defiance.

“Please sir, pleeease” you begged, fully submitting to the new dynamic you have.

“Get your toy, finish yourself off” he settled into the hotel chair cock in hand. You blushed, mortified by the thought of masturbating knowing he is watching. You stood to move to him, to sit on his lap, get him to touch you again, but he deterred your advances.

“You have your order princess” he grinned “come on do this and maybe I’ll reward you” you did as you were told and fetched the small toy from its hiding place. You’d lay on your bed and got ready to start.

“No Y/N, on my bed” you got up and moved, arranging yourself to face him. Unable to meet his eyes you began rubbing figure of eights with the small toy moaning as it touched the most sensitive parts You felt his eyes watching you intently spurring you on. His name tumbling from your lips proved too much for him, his hands were back on you

“Don’t stop” he commanded as his tongue joined the toy in pleasuring you. The feeling pushed you over the edge immediately, but he was relentless, overstimulating you. You tried pulling the toy away from your clit to give yourself some respite.

“I said don’t stop” he growled, and you brought the stim back as you rode out your high. He pulled back from you to line himself up, slowly pushing himself into you, stretching you around him, giving you time to adjust to the sudden change in pressure. He started to pump himself into your core, hitting your cervix every now and again. The bullet still at your clit and his rhythm brought you close once again. You clenched your walls around him providing both of you with extra friction.

“Not yet baby, don’t cum yet” he picked up the pace and you took the toy away from your clit grabbing onto his back to help keep you steady. He pumped into you a few more times before he started to studder reaching his end. He reached down between the two of you to rub your clit himself, bringing you back to the edge, you came quickly and as you did, he let himself release deep within you. He collapsed next to you on the bed pulling you close leaving a trail of kisses along your back. You both lay there quietly for a little while.

“That’s not where I thought this holiday was going to take us” you exhaled still a little breathless.

“That’s not where I thought this holiday would take us, sir” he teased.

“Yeah that’s not happening again” you tried to shoot back both of you knowing full well that you were lying.

Masterlist

[shinymooncolor]

@siriuslyqueer gave us goalies, pining and angst. @wxlfstxrx some much needed fluff. So I thought we’d do a bromance hat trick with a little sweater weather chat. Love ya all 🏒❣️

@lumosinlove created a well of wonderful oc’s and they’re all my new mvp’s. 🥰

Sweater weather chats #3

Nado is fuckboy extraordinaire. Kuny is mad. Olli is so done. Logan does not have a curfew. Or does he? Dumo grounds Nado. Walker worships Noelle. Remus chokes on his tea. Kasey ruins zucchinis for Dumo. Does cars have names? There’s a ritual burning. Everyone is up early on a Sunday.

——

Sunday 3.44 am

7 missed calls from Nado.

Nado:

kuny please pick up

I’m sorry. Fuck I messed up okay.

I’m so sorry okay. Fuck just call me back.

Wtf you took my Porsche? Over the line man.

Fuck you told Sergei. His wife just cAlled and yelled. She’s terrifying. I’m sorry

Kuny please come home.

Sorry.

Please

Kuny

Kuny

Evgeni. Please I’m sorry okay

You’re my best fucking friend and you’re supposed to forgive me. I’m an idiot. Just come home. I’m not gonna stop texting. I will fucking not let you walk out on me man.

I said I was sorry. Please man. Sorry.

Please.

I’ll join some freakin cult and become a monk if it gets you to talk to me.

—-

Sunday 7.23 am

Nadotheman: guys has anyone heard from kuny yesterday or today? Please I need to speak to him

Sergei_81: give him some time. you did something bad and he’s mad. He will come home when he is ready

Nadotheman: he’s got my Porsche. Is he with you? Can I come over

Sergei_81: he’s not here. We got family visit. No time for your stupid fights

Prongstar: what did you do Nado? Ate his mom’s homemade cake again? Or did you forget to water his aloe Vera plant?

Ollibear: he’s here. Don’t call him.

Siriusly: what happened?

CarbO’Hara: Broke the fuckign code @nadotheman not cool

Prongstar: WHAT DID HE DO? @russiangod also how does finno know?

Ollibear: please stop texting him. I’m worried he might snap the remote or my PlayStation

LoganTremblayzzz: @nadotheman hope you got insurance. 911 turbo not looking good. Hahahaha

Prongstar: what. Happened?

Ollibear: he turned up here at 4 am, scaring the shit out of mrs. Williams next door. Woke up when she screamed. Apparently 6.4” Russian guy in a black hoodie is not what you expect to bang on your door at that hour. He’s been fuming in Russian ever since. And he ate all our Doritos. Stole nado’s Porsche. We gathered he’s mad at Nado but not sure why. Got him to at least talk to Sergei

Sergei_81: he’s got good reason to be mad. Nado can tell you what he did.

Timmyforrealz: what does this mean: он спал с моим ��воюродным братом @sunnysideup @sergei_81

Sunnysideup: what?? Oh nado. This is bad.

Prongstar: I used google translate. @nadotheman you slept with his sister?!

Siriusly: !!!

Talkiewalkie: over the line bro. Damn.

Sunnysideup: wait he doesn’t have a sister? Does he?

Sergei_81: yes he means cousin.

DamnFoxy: wow. This is lowkey funny. Sorry but I’m laughing

Prongstar: spit my tea out

RussianGod left the conversation

Nadotheman: fuck look what you idiots did.

Siriusly: you did his cousin.

DamnFoxy: 😂😂😂

Talkiewalkie: uh not cool bro. Like. Fuck.

Timmyforrealz: you talkin about fucking sisters? Aren’t you putting the moves on Logan’s sister?

LoganTremblayzzz: @timmyforrealz 🤦🏽🙅🏼🙍🏾👎🏻🖕🏻

Talkiewalkie: I’m dating noelle. Not putting moves on her. I’m worshipping the very ground she walks on. She’s a goddess and I’m but a mortal man

Kaneyoudigit: can you just keep it in your pants for once, Nado…. jeez

Eliascookie: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHHH. You’re never meeting my sister. Ever. Damn.

Newt-leo: shut up this isn’t about noelle. Nado wtf? Didn’t wanna believe Finn and lo. He’s texted finn but in Russian. Think it was meant for sergei. Did you really sleep with his cousin?

Krisvolley: wow. Anyone checking up on Kuny? Shit. Can’t leave the two of you alone.

LeWilliam: yeah, is Kuny alright @ollibear? Also, @nadotheman - you freaked when he kissed that waitress. Karma is a fuckin bitch 😏

Nadotheman: fuck off cubs.

EvanderBell: oi. No need to be mad at us. You messed up. You deserve this. Also if he totals Dolores it’s totally on you!

Nado the man: shut up. Everyone. I know I screwed up okay? Fucking hell. They look nothing alike and she didn’t tell me.

Sunnysideup: didn’t you meet her through kuny?

Nado the man: well yea. went out for a drink. Kuny was being boring and went home. Talked to her and we got along and well.

Bradygunz: did you at least pay for her drink? Also uncool bro

Nado the man: I paid. Fuck off.

Dumodad: I’m away for 1 day. 1 day boys. @nadotheman do I have to ground you? Adele is serving 2 weeks for lying about her homework and having a boy in her rooM after curfew.

Prongstar: dropped the ball with Logan then @dumodad, eh?

Sergei_81: I support grounding Nado.

LoganTremblayzzz: @prongstar like lily didn’t ground you when you came home sans shirt and with kasey’s jeans on backwards Also I never had girls in my room after curfew. Also don’t have curfew.

Dumodad: yes you did. Curfew at least.

Blizzard: holy fuck. Just woke from a nap. Wtf? Also @prongstar, @logantremblayzzz never had GIRLS in his room. Just had Leo and finn. Playing hide the zucchini.

Siriusly: @blizzard. Loops just choked on his tea.

Dumodad: I can never eat a zucchini again. Merde

BliZzard: just keeping it real boys. Also don’t be hard on @nadotheman he’s a man whore. One day he’ll grow up

Nadotheman: I’m older kasey and shut up

Ollibear: Nado you really have to apologize.

Timmyforrealz: @nadotheman this is serious. Olli just ate a box of moomin cookies. Nado please fix your relationship. Olli can’t handle his parents fighting. He’s legit green looking. He’s eating junk food. I’m scared.

Nadotheman: Olli tell them you were there. She came on to me. She never mentioned Kuny

Ollibear: I’m not getting involved. Also you owe me $432 for the champagne. And he introduced you before he left.

Prongstar: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Dumodad: @nadotheman you’re grounded. No clubbing or I will call your mom.

———

Sunday 7.56 am

Nado: Olli please is he with you guys? I need to speak to him.

Olli: I’m sorry he doesn’t wanna see you. Please give him some time.

Nado: 💔

—

Sunday 8.02 am

Nado: I’m not gonna leave. I’m parked outside and you’ve got to call the cops to get me to leave. You’re my best friend dammit and I’m sorry. Fuck please just talk to me!

Kuny: don’t want talk. Is hard. I’m smart in Russian. English stupid.

Nado: wait then get Olli or Timmy to type it. Just tell me how I can make it up to you.

Kuny: hi Nado. Olli here, I’m typing for him. Timmy is trying to salvage our remote.

I’m trying to type and understand ok? Kuny knows his cousin is (I’m paraphrasing here - I refuse to call a woman that) sociable and he’s mostly upset cause he’s worried about you. Okay he didn’t mean that - he means that he’s upset you slept with her but he’s also worried cause he says you fall in love too quickly. (You two are idiots - he’s trying to protect your feelings) he does not want me to type that. But he broke our remote. But he’s also mad you slept with her after he said not to. And he claims he did tell you. How much did you two drink? When I picked up the tab you’d only had a few bottles of champagne and you gave most of that to the hen party in the next booth. Also he’s mad you had sex - god, Nado - the living room, really? At least go into your bedroom. Apparently you had a deal you wouldn’t do that. Wow you need some self control buddy. Okay. Now he’s saying that he’s okay to talk to you. So you can come in. You better have showered!!!!

—-

Sunday, 8.27 am.

KrisVolley: @ollibear, what’s going on?

Ollibear: they’re fucking idiots. Stupid overgrown manbabies.

Timmyforrealz: well. Olli cursing is hilarious. It’s like Casper the friendly ghost saying fuck... 😂 Quite anti-climactic. Was anticipating a fist fight or at least a black eye. They just talked and @nadotheman cried. Ha. Long clingy chat short; Kuny was afraid his cousin was just using Nado - like he’d ever object? Nado admitted he was drunk and upset with Kuny over something else (they’re like my teenage twinsisters I swear) also Kuny was mad Nado fucked his cousin on the couch. So not classy @nadotheman... Jesus this soap opera is like the episode of friends where chandler is in a box.

Sergei_81: they ok?

Nadotheman added RussianGod to the chat

RussianGod: we good. But he has to do embarrassing thing now. I chose. Will think long before decide. Also he buy new couch

Prongstar: Kuny my dear friend - I will happily help think up evil revenge. Also burn the couch

Nadotheman: I didn’t fucking cry. He stinks. My eyes watered from the stench.

Blizzard: aw Nado its okay. We know you’re in an established bro-tionship.

Talkie-walkie: am I the only one worried about the Porsche? She does not deserve to suffer just because Nado is a slut.

RussianGod: dolores is fine. Love car too much. Only wanted to scare Jackie.

Nadotheman: stop calling me that kun(t)y. 😘

Ollibear: ffs you two just made up, just kiss and get the fuck out. I’m done being your therapist. Good night.

Timmyforrealz: they broke olli. He even kicked a chair and hurt his toe. Haha he’s cursing in Finnish. He also has hidden nado’s car keys. Dolores is ours now.

——

They did a ritual burning of the couch. Dumo did call Nado’s mother. She grounded him and gave Kuny a bunch of embarrassing photos of teenage Nado. We’re talking frosted tips and platform shoes.

[totallypathet]

Episode Three

First of all...what the fuck was that challenge. And what the fuck was the logic to judging it?! I spent so much of this episode just being confused. I think it would have been so much better if they were allowed to come up with their own ideas and characters, instead of having this really narrow space to work in; that was bizarre to me. Like Just Jan could have done a really delusional, high energy character who was the worst singer in the world; that would have been funny! Instead they stuck them with these bizarre storylines that made no sense, and had very little humour in them. Idk whose choice that was but it was a choice. Anyway, let's get into the rundown!

1. Aiden Zhane

I am not living for Aiden at all. Her attitude in both episodes has let a lot to be desired for me. And also, that runway? What was that? I could buy that dress on Asos, glue some bows to it and have that look. The concept was cool, the bows falling on her? Cool idea. But if you're going to do that then you need to Do It, yknow? Like it would have been cool if she'd had a huge wig completely made of bows. Or if she'd had an umbrella and made it look like it was raining bows, or something, that could have been really cool! It could have been amazing and she took a really easy way out. Disappointing. And her performance was dull. She deserved to be in the bottom more than Nicky Doll.

The only thing I will say for Aiden in this episode is the way Brita and Redacted behaved towards her was really uncool. They did that whole "you didnt lead us at all", and then told her that they carried her? You know that if she had led them they would have totally thrown her under the bus and said "well we do this professionally and we wanted to do this, but she was the leader and she made us do that". It was totally a damned if you, damned if you don't; and that was really unfair.

2. Brita

Guys, I am Bored of Brita. I am over it, and I am underwhelmed. I haven't seen anything from her that I've enjoyed! Her looks have been dull, she's not that funny, and I dont like the way she behaves (like I said with Aiden). She wont be next to go home, but hopefully she wont be long.

3. Crystal Methyd

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE CRYSTAL METHYD! I'm so sick of them going "oh her makeup is always the same", when it has been different each time!! She has a style and a brand, but it's not the same face!! Aiden Zhane does the same fucking face, none of them have picked that out! Loads of queens come in and they only have one face! Not mentioning any names Silky Nutmeg Ganache and Roxxxy Andrews. They got away with it because they were beauty mugs and that's the type of drag this show is biased towards. Crystal Methyd is an artist, let her do herself! That runway look was ugly though. Having said all that. Her face was gorgeous, I loved her makeup, I just thought that look wasnt very her! It didn't suit her somehow, it wasn't right. But she tried really hard during the improv, and I think she did a passable job! She honestly should have been safe, fight me. I just really hope she doesn't change herself to please the judges bc she has such a great vision and point of view, and I don't want her to lose sight of how great she is.

4. Dahlia Sin

Dahlia, Dahlia, Dahlia. Speaking of being underwhelmed, am I right? I had such high hopes for Dahlia, but this week she just didn't pull anything out. I personally think the fruit sketch was really funny, but it would have been exactly the same if Dahlia hadn't been in the group. She was so focused on being ~sexy~ (which is tough in a broccoli costume), that she forgot about everything else. Plus her bows and buttons look was just...odd. from the neck up it had this very avant garde, couture feel, but the outfit itself just looked unfinished. And then to have this weird arse peekaboo thing? Really weird choice. She deserved to be in the bottom and, after that lip sync, she deserved to go home.

I have seen a lot of posts about Dahlia "storming out", and I genuinely don't understand what they're talking about? Like, okay, she didn't say anything before she walked off, does that really constitute storming off? If she'd walked off while Ru was still talking, or if she'd yelled/screamed/sworn, then sure, maybe - but from what I saw she was just upset and wanted to leave as fast as possible. Idk, also they haven't released Untucked on the UK Netflix, so maybe there was more I didnt see.

5. Gigi Goode

I live for Gigi so much. I mean come on! Her character in the improv was passed out half the time and still had presence! She's so funny, and she's not afraid to let loose and get ugly. I think she did a good job in the improv, especially for someone without all that much experience, and her look on the runway was incredible. Solid 8/10 for Gigi this week.

6. Heidi N Closet

Heidi was robbed. I bought everything Heidi was selling this week. I bought it, I didn't stream it, I didn't rent it from the Netflix, I bought it. She was so funny during the challenge; the flipper? She spat out? Iconic. She had me dying the whole time, her, Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode should have their own series, I'd watch the hell out of it. Then she came bouncing down the runway as glitter Pinnochio, and she told that story about when she was at school and I loved every second! Shes so charming, and loveable, and relatable, and Jaida Essence Hall must have been gagged when she was top 2. She was robbed, she should have won, and she should keep her name! That whole thing with "the mouth has to change shape and it's not satisfying to say"? Bullshit, utter bullshit bitch. Heidi N Closet 4lyf.

7. Jackie Cox

Jackie made me so happy this week! Their whole group was hilarious, but Jackie doing the bad ventriloquist act just sent me, I loved it. And she just seems like the sweetest person as well! Her runway look was gorgeous, I loved the reference, her makeup was absolutely stunning, Jackie Cox is seriously the whole package. Her and Heidi should have been top 2 together.

8. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida came in looking like a pageant queen, but she seriously flexed her comedy muscles this week! Her "bad apple" was hilarious, and she really committed to it! She was a firm leader in the group, but she was a good team player in the scene, she let everyone else have their moment too, and it was a good performance! I was a little bit disappointed that her runway look was very very similar to her spring mini challenge look from last week, but it was still a good look, and honestly I probably wouldnt have noticed if it hadn't been one episode after the other. She has shown a lot of diversity already, I think she just set the bar so high last week that I was really expecting something incredible, and I got something that was "just" good instead. She's still one to beat at the moment!

9. Jan

Jan made me so proud this week!! She was really funny in the skit, she had so much energy and enthusiasm, I loved it! Her jokes were funny, she picked a solid character and played it well, and can we talk about the runway though??? I really expected her to come out in something cute, because her personality is so bubbly and instead she gave me horror high fashion, monster couture and she Sold. Every. Second. It was a total transformation from the challenge to the runway and that, at the heart of it, is what I love about drag; that transformation aspect is just art to me. For me, Jan has it all. She definitely should have been top 3 this week. I think she's served the best runways so far, and I cannot wait to see what she does next week.

10. Nicky Doll

Okay, you guys know I love Nicky Doll. This week was not a good week for her. I appreciate that improv must be so hard in your second language, but I think she suffered a little bit from Dahlia Syndrome: she was so focused on staying pretty that she didn't really deliver anything. I kind of wish her character had literally just been French and spoke no English - part of the joke could have been that language barrier and Crystal/Window not understanding a word she said and her getting more and more frustrated about it. That could have been really funny. Also, her runway look...I know where she was going with it, it was a cool concept, and it was executed okay, there was just something missing, you know? It felt a little bit rushed, and again there was this real focus on being ~pretty~. Maybe if she'd looked a little more Cinderella ish, like her makeup wasn't perfect, and her hair was tied up like she was actually sewing, it would have sold me a little more character. I'm not sure, everything was just a little off for me this week, but I still think she's fierce af, and we all stumble sometimes. I'm looking forward to seeing her get back on her feet next week!

11. Rock M Sakura

Rock M was picked last for the challenge, I could not believe it. She deserved better than that, I was shook. She definitely picked the right group though, she was really funny as the Orange! She looked like she was having fun, and that's what I love about Rock M, is that I have fun watching her have fun. Her jokes were great, she matched Jan's energy, and I think she did a good job. I loved her runway look as well, the Alice in Wonderland concept was great, and I love that she kept the dress pretty simple so that the focus was on her hair and makeup! Her makeup was gorgeous, and the detail of the buttons on her face was stunning! It was a great concept, well executed, this week was a great week for Rock M, and I'm going to be furious if she gets picked last again.

12. Widow Von Du

Widow is getting The Edit. The edit that queens of colour who are talented get, where they paint them as bitchy, or loud, or as stepping on the other girls' toes; so that the audience isn't too pussed off when they get eliminated. Widow is exceedingly talented, and funny, and filled with personality. She also serves looks and delivers incredible performances. I will not let this edit take that away from her. She did great this week. She delivered everything I ordered in the challenge and more, she completely transformed for the runway, and she sold me a great presentation. Widow is definitely one to beat.

[dauntless-cakeneedstobe-eaton]

Jeff x Annie One-Shot: AU-What if Jeff and Annie actually went skiing? (Community-Conventions of Space and Time, Season 4, Ep3)

You wouldn’t catch me anywhere near an Inspector Spacetime convention; no matter how many tears Troy cried, or how many staredowns Abed and I had. Skiing on the other hand, was cool. Skiing alone, however, possibly uncool. Therefore, it made perfect, logical sense to invite Annie skiing this weekend. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. Hear me out. Abed and Troy couldn’t even be considered options since they would be at the convention. Britta would obviously be there to support Troy, unfortunately being the third-wheel despite being his girlfriend. Shirley was busy with her kids. Pierce was never an option to begin with. Who was left you may ask? Annie Edison. 

“Do I look ready to shred some slopes?” Annie asked, coming out of her room. She was wearing a full-on neon pink sweatsuit. I smiled at her dorky pose. 

“Maybe in the early 80s. Annie, what’s with all of the pink?” She frowned at me.

“Look Jeff, I’m just trying to stay warm, ok? I’ve never been skiing before and I wanted to be as comfortable as possible.” Classic defensive Annie. She scanned my look up and down. “At least my color palette has character. Might want to try it sometime Mr. Neutral Colors.” Annie crossed her arms. This was a battle I definitely wasn’t going to win. Like every battle against Annie. 

“Okay, how about this. I’ll wear a pair of your neon pink socks, but you wear my black Gucci scarf?” Her eyes lit up. I knew she’d love the idea. Annie rushed back into her room and returned with a pair of neon pink socks in one hand, extending it to me. 

“This just might be the smartest idea you’ve ever had Jeff.” 

“Hey, I take offense to that. Everything I say is basically a TED talk in the making.” She laughed as I put on her socks. I don’t know why I only do stupid stuff like this for her. I looked at myself in the full body mirror and felt one hundred percent ridiculous. But, seeing her give me that wide smile she always does when something makes her happy made me think that small things like this were all worth it. I took the scarf hanging around my neck and put it on her, making sure that her hair wasn’t tangled inside it. I felt her eyes on me, making my heart beat a little faster than usual. 

“There, perfect.” I said looking back into the full body mirror in front of us. She blushed. 

“Perfect indeed.” Any bystander may mistake us for an actual couple. Especially with the way we were now coordinating outfits. Especially with the way we were standing right now--my hand on her shoulder, hers around my back. Even if it was just a small thought--a figment of my imagination if you will--it still made me grin...for reasons I still don’t fully understand. 

***

When we arrived at the ski lodge, it was teeming with people carrying skis and sleds. It was way more crowded than I thought it would be. Annie instinctively held onto my arm as we were walking over to the ski rental desk, her eyes worriedly scanning the room. I knew she hated large crowds. I reassured her that we would only be in here for a couple of minutes. 

There was a guy in front of us in line, along with a few of his friends. They were laughing and smiling, a little too loudly for my opinion. The commotion wasn’t helping Annie’s anxiety. I think the main guy felt me glaring at him because he turned around, his smile fading. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he noticed Annie beside me. He looked at her from head to toe, his mouth agape. I felt my hands tense up. He probably noticed how pretty she was. 

“Have you guys been to this slope before? My friends and I are regulars here, and I don’t believe I’ve seen you before,” he stopped and looked at Annie. “And trust me, I would’ve remembered.” I felt my jaw clench. Annie--being Annie--blushed and giggled. She wasn’t used to being flirted with--which was something I was secretly grateful for, because something about it didn’t sit well with me. The guy, whose hair by the way looked like it had way too much product in it, extended his hand out to me. 

“Aiden.” What a jock. 

“Jeff. And this is my friend Annie. It’s our first time skiing together.” He shook my hand with an extra firm grip as if to say just friends? Okay. You said it, not me. 

“Well Jeff and Annie, it’s your lucky day because I can give you guys some free skiing lessons so you don’t hurt yourselves out there.” This guy needed to get some more original material. Did he think we were stupid? He obviously just wanted to get closer to--

“We’d love the extra help Aiden. Thanks for offering,” Annie replied, smiling sweetly at him. 

“Great! Meet me on the slopes. I’ll cover the tickets. Want a hot chocolate Annie? My treat.” She nodded her head politely while I took her arm and pulled her to the side. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” I questioned with what I hoped was only a hint of annoyance. 

“Jeff, Aiden was generous enough to offer us help. For free! I don’t want to make a fool of myself out there. I also don’t want to see you get hurt.” She gently touched my chest. Dang it Annie. Why did she have to be so genuinely caring all the time? I knew she meant what she said. I don’t know if I could live with myself if she ended up getting hurt on my behalf. 

“You know, if you wanted hot chocolate you could’ve just asked me. You didn’t have to let pretty-boy get it for you.” At this point, I wasn’t really thinking, I was just saying what I was feeling...which normally got me into trouble, but I didn’t care this time. Annie looked at me with a confused expression, but then her eyes softened. 

“Don’t worry Jeff. I know I can always count on you.” 

“Good because I always want to be there for you. Even for the small things.” We looked at each other intensely and I felt myself leaning in. 

“Ready you guys?” Annie and I got snapped back into reality as stupid-smirk Aiden returned with our rental equipment and Annie’s hot chocolate. She took it graciously while Aiden smiled warmly at her. His teeth were way to white. No way that it’s natural. 

***

We walked up to one of the smaller slopes. Aiden suggested that since Annie and I were beginners it was probably best we didn’t try one of the more advanced mountains yet. Annie remained between Aiden and I, even in the ski lift up the mountain. She stared out the window with wonder in her eyes. I liked watching her many facial expressions. Her eyes glowed whenever there was a scenic view. Her soft smiles were my favorite. That was Annie’s way of living in the moment. When she got extra excited about something, she would touch my arm and tell me to look out the window too. 

“So how do you guys know each other?” Aiden asked skeptically, his eyes pausing at Annie’s hand on my arm and my hand on her knee, which I don’t remember putting there. 

“We go to Greendale Community College together. We’re part of the same study group.” Aiden nodded thoughtfully. 

“I go to City College actually. I want to go into hospital administration some day.” No. freaking. Way. Annie turned her head towards him, suddenly gaining interest. 

“Really? Me too! Well the hospital administration part, not the City College part obviously…” she replied, nervously laughing. Aiden gave her an amused look. 

“We should totally meet up again. Maybe you could help me study some time?” My fists automatically balled up into fists once again. Annie looked down, noticing that my hand turned into a fist shape. She covered my fist with one of her hands, which instantly made me feel better. 

“Haha yeah maybe! I’ll think about it.” She gave me a concerned look as we got off the ski lift. I had a bad feeling about this ski trip after all. 

***

“The most important aspect of skiing is balance. The moment you lose balance is the moment where it’s game over. Believe me, falling downhill is not fun.” Balance. Sounds easy enough. I was able to get into my skis pretty easily and helped Annie get into hers without much of a fuss...except the three times that she almost tripped. Each time she caught on to a part of my jacket. 

“The Leaning Tower of Pisa has more balance than I do,” Annie let out a defeated whisper. I tried to hide my slight grin. Her perfectionist tendencies were coming out. I guess it was just a part of who she was, no matter if it was academic related or not. 

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is literally your first time skiing.”

“Easy for you to say. This is also your first time skiing and you're balancing just fine.” 

“Can’t argue with you there.” We both smiled and it felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. Being the iceberg he was, Aiden walked over in between us with--once again--an award winning line of his. 

“Before you guys go down this slope, watch me first. You’ll get to see the turning and jumping patterns I do.” He leaned forward and whispered something to Annie, resulting in a laugh before heading towards his ski lane. 

“So, what do you think of Aiden? He seems nice right?” Why was she interested in what I thought? 

“He seems a bit...arrogant…” I trailed off. Annie gave me a bemused expression, which then turned into a mischievous grin. 

“Jeff Winger, are you jealous?” 

“Pffffft. Me? Jealous? Are you being serious right now Annie? Why would I be jealous?” She was definitely enjoying seeing me squirm. I hated the fact that not only was she right, but I couldn’t think of any clever retorts because of that fact. 

“I honestly don’t know Jeff. I don’t think you have anything to be jealous of--” she started, and I was really curious to hear her continue, but Annie was cut off by a bunch of spectators talking about Aiden on the slopes. I hated to admit it, but Aiden’s skiing looked really impressive. He was--in the words of Annie--shredding the slopes. All of his landings were smooth, his turns were smooth...his whole body was moving in perfect coordination. 

“Wow! Aiden’s really good isn’t he? He could honestly be a professional!” Annie’s eyes were glued to him the whole time. I saw her jaw drop whenever Aiden made an impressive landing. Two could play at this game. Before Annie could stop me, I disappeared behind her and marched up to the top of the same slope Aiden was on. I had excellent balance too, you know. This skiing thing would be a piece of cake. As I jumped to start my descent, I realized that there was no going back after this. 

***

I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t move a single muscle. But I did feel this intense throbbing in my head and pretty much everywhere. Where am I? What happened? I was definitely lying down somewhere...it felt like a couch. I summoned the courage to slowly open my eyes. Everything was blurry at first as my eyes attempted to adjust to my surroundings. Man, even opening them hurt. The first thing I saw were a pair of blue eyes I could recognize anywhere in a crowd. 

“Oh my god. Jeff, you’re awake! Oh my god. Thank goodness,” Annie breathed a huge sigh of relief and collapsed her face on the side of the couch. It took me a second to realize that she was holding my hand. I felt it. I gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. 

“Did I ever tell you how blue your eyes are?” In hindsight, that was probably not the smartest thing to say, but it was an honest question. 

“I just watched you practically fall and flip over a huge mountain and lose consciousness and you want to talk about my eyes????” Annie raised both of her eyebrows in complete anger. 

She immediately winced after yelling. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, especially right now when every bone in your body must hurt. It’s just that you made me so worried and when I saw you at the bottom of the mountain all limp and bleeding I didn’t…” She couldn’t continue because she started doing the last thing that would have ever crossed my mind. She started crying. Hearing the sound of Annie crying almost hurt more than my actual injuries. 

“Hey, look at me.” She turned her head upwards at me and I lifted my hand to wipe the tears from her face. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you.” She finally smiled.

“Jeff, why would you willingly plummet to your almost death? I know you do a lot of stupid things, but this may the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” She was absolutely right. Like always. 

“I just...felt the need to compete with Aiden. I wanted to show you that he wasn’t some hot-shot handsome guy that could do anything.” Annie looked bewildered.

“Why would you think that? I barely paid that much attention to him.”

“Oh come on Annie. This guy was a first-class flirt. It takes one to know one.” 

“Ah, ok. So he was flirting with me. I thought he was just being overly nice. Guys are just really hard to read sometimes.” She stared right at me when she said that last part. This time I had nowhere to hide. Particularly because if I tried, I’m pretty sure I would just fall over again. 

“I really am a pain in the neck, aren’t I? I’m all snarky and standoffish, and think I’m the coolest when in reality I can meet my demise when I notice a guy try to flirt with you.” I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that forward before. Annie’s eyes bulged out of her head, which confirmed what I said to be true. 

“You know I meant what I said earlier, right? You really have nothing to be jealous of. You have a lot going for you already. Sure you can be stupid sometimes, but you can talk your way out of any situation. I know you’re snarky, but you also have a heart made of jello,” she laughed at the end of that. She took a damp washcloth from a bucket on the floor and started dabbing it on my head. “I like you just the way you are. Even if sometimes you act like a handsome devil.” I flashed her one of my Jeff Winger smiles. My heart can turn into jello, especially for Annie. 

“Have I ever told you that you make a really good nurse?”

“Maybe once or twice.”

“Well, you make a beautiful nurse, milady. Caring for a person like me isn’t the easiest.” 

“Yeah well...you’re worth it to me.” I guess some good did come out of these injuries because that is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. And with that, I kissed the top of Annie’s hand. She was worth it to me too.

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Unraveling at the Seams Pt 2

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Alex Høgh Andersen/OFC, Henry Cavill/OFC Warnings: Language, Sexual Innuendo, Possible NSFW Rating: M Length: Multi Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: Well this is going over better than I thought it would. For that, I thank you all :)

thank you @flowers-in-your-hayr for the header :D

Catch Up Here 

“Momma,” The voice stirred through the sea air, rolling in off the Channel like a faint whisper. Nell scrunched her nose, her toes in the cool sand,  surrounded by the tiny grains. “Momma.”

This time of year the bay was beautiful, she remembered her first time seeing it, France to the East and England slightly to the North West. It had to be one of the most beautiful places Nell had ever...

“Momma!” The voice raised, accompanied by a violent shaking. “Mum! Mum!”

“Wha---” Nell groaned trying to roll away from the brutal wake up. Ivan could have at least waited until her alarm went off to wake her. “Ivan, stop.” she held her arm over her face, trying to block out the sunlight from the bay window.

“I need a new bag.” Ivan halted the attack on his sleeping mother. His dark curls a mess of bedhead, his blue eyes bright.

“Why? What happened to the one that you have?” Nell tried to find the time. Blindly grabbing for her phone, she gave in to defeat. Her alarm was due in five minutes, though there was no chance in getting those last five minutes of sleep. Her hair in it's own state of bedhead, she sat up and stretched her arms.

“I can't use it.” Ivan shrugged, standing beside her bed with the blue and red bag in his hand. He'd managed to get dressed, at least. Nell grunted, unable to form any more words at the current second. How she wanted to be back on that peaceful and quiet bay. “Momma.”

“What ever is the problem, my dearest boy?” She was awake now.

“I need another bag.” Ivan huffed. How many times did he have to tell his mother this? She was hopeless before he first cup of coffee. “I don't like this one, anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because nobody at school likes Superman any more. It would be so uncool to have it.” Ivan's eyes were wide and his voice serious. Nell chuckled, kids.

“Then go to your cupboard and get your old one, for today.”

“Okay, but we need to get rid of this. I can't be seen wearing this, ever!”

“Tell your father, he's the one who gave it to you.” Nell scratched the back of her head. Ivan dropped the bag and dashed down the hall. It was too early and Nell was too tired to remind him not to tear his room apart looking for something else.

Finally, the Superman drama causing book bag was replaced with one from the previous year. Nell assumed that since Superman was out, it would be cooler for her son to roll up to his class toting an old Peppa Pig bag. She would never understand kids and their crazes.

Breakfast. Check. Thanks to the blueberry muffins made by Bridie.

Lunches. Check. Shepherd's Pie, apple slices, a granola bar, and orange juice box for both of them.

Work bag. Gym bag. Keys. Coffee. Ivan.

And Nell was out the door.

Mornings like this were hectic to say the least, but they were Nell's favourite. Going into work later was always a bonus, though the real treat was getting to spend the early morning with Ivan. Nobody else there to interrupt them or tell them what or how to do things. It was the best part of the week, aside from Sunday, when Nell had the full day off and they indulged themselves in a late breakfast and an afternoon full of never leaving the couch.

At work Alex hadn't intended to wait for Nell, his schedule had been pushed back, which meant he had a little more time to hang out in the studio. It wasn't as if he had planned to be lingering when she walked into the department.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Alex greeted her before she could register what was going on.

“Uh, yeah. Hi.” Nell gave him a curt nod. “Rayna, can you help me unload those costumes we packed yesterday? I think there are one or two that need to be restitched.”

“Finished, sweets.” Rayna replied with a knowing smile and a wink.

The young actor had been following Nell around for too long, it was about time he got his due. At the very least, Rayna could help him get in a proper conversation with her colleague. It was less than a minute to her break, handing Alex a box of pins, Rayna instructed him to wait for Nell.

Settling into work, Nell ditched her bags and grabbed the folder she needed to begin mapping out the next round of costumes. Damn Rayna. Nell heard her tell Alex that she was leaving. Smooth on her friend's part. Taking her sweet time, Nell moved at a glacial pace. Small talk and nosy people were two things she wanted to avoid at all costs.

“Nell?” Alex poked his head around the door. “Ray said...”

“I heard.”

“Oh. Do you need any help?” He leaned against the door frame, his smile doing the best to charm the designer. His hair twisted into a bun, waiting for his hair and make up call, to transform him into whatever version of Ivar that they wished to create today.

“No thanks.” Nell shook her head. “You don't have to stand here, you know. I'm sure you have better things to do.”

Resting against the door, as if holding it upright, Alex's nose crinkled. “I am waiting for the call, I really don't have anything else to do.”

“Huh.”

On a typical day Alex would be nowhere to be found, while waiting for a set call. Like the other actors sleeping, reading, or generally goofing off was how he tended to spend his time. As of late he was choosing to spend more and more time in the costume department.

He watched Nell move around, gathering this piece or that, piling them up on a table at the end of the room. Whether she was conscious of it or not, her hips swayed to the music in her head, while she began to work. Her full attention set on the task at hand, she did an excellent job at ignoring Alex.  

The drawings on the paper before her had Nell's full attention, it was one of the bigger pieces, taking weeks to create and it still had fine details to be finished. It would be worn in the second half of the season, the actress it had been made for would look even better than Nell had imagined when this piece had begun. Her nimble fingers worked over a piece of costume, checking the stitching inch by inch. Alex had never sat and watched all the detail going into the clothing he wore day after day, while in character.

Such effort and care.

Nell could feel the steel blue eyes following her around the room.

He was tenacious, to say the least. There weren't many men his age who would stand that quiet and patiently. As awkward as Nell should find this, having Alex watching her felt familiar in a way. His presence reminded her of another time in her life, when another young actor had worked this hard to gain her attention.

This time she was going to be smart. Humor Alex with some chatting, rewarding him with a smile,  and nothing more. No longer was Nell going to swayed by gorgeous blue eyes and a flashy smile.

Alex was never quiet this long, strangely Nell liked him this way. His chatter was too much sometimes, despite him meaning well by it. She knew that he assumed she hated him. Yes, he annoyed her, never intentionally. What annoyed her was what he reminded her of, not him directly.

Shifting to prevent his leg from going to sleep, Alex stayed quiet and watched. He'd never noticed that Nell moved with absolute grace or that she had a small tattoo behind her left ear. At that he began to feel a tiny bit creepy.

“I may go get a drink, would you like anything? Coffee?”

“Uh,” Nell glanced up, catching Alex's eye. He was rather cute, standing there in half in his costume, looking like a lost puppy. “Scotch?” Nell's laugh was easy.

“I don't have any of that here, otherwise I would gladly share.” Alex winked. He liked her laugh. Was it too bold to tell her that?

“Unfortunate for us.” Nell joked. “Since there is no scotch, I'll take a coffee. Please. Black one sugar.”

Mock saluting, Alex grinned widely. “One coffee, black, one sugar on the way.”

Hearing that Alex and Nell had some easy interaction would surely please Rayna all while fueling her imagination.

She had told Nell more than once to enjoy the attention. He was young, handsome, generous, and could still be taught a thing or two where it would count. Each time, Nell would laugh trying to escape the conversation. Alex would soon move on, the second he found someone else to fawn over. He was young and handsome, women his age would eat that up in a second.

A handsome, sweet nature, generous actor was a recipe for disaster. Nell learned that first hand and would not, under any circumstances, go back there. She had been down that path and while it had left her with Ivan, she wasn't up for a second round.

“Coffee.” Alex held out the cup. “And!” he held out a package of chocolate chip cookies, tearing open the top he offered the first choice of the two cookies to Nell. “I grabbed these right before Marco, lucky score.”

“Well now I feel bad, poor Marco. What is he going to do?” Nell bit into the cookie.

Snickering, Alex shrugged. His friend would get over it.

“Don't you hate days like this?” Nell wondered out loud. “The slow days where nothing is happening, I hate waiting.”

“It's not my favourite, it's part of the job I guess.” Alex replied sipping his coffee and taking a bite of his cookie. “I'm not patient.”

“Neither am I,” Nell admitted. “Though being a mom has helped that.”

Alex swallowed his cookie and took another sip of coffee. After yesterday, he didn't want to step on any toes by discussing Nell's son.

“I don't...I don't know if I could do that.” Alex gently moved the conversation along. “Parenting must be a tough job. I can barely look after myself, it's why Marco lives with me.”

“I felt that way, at first. Especially after...”

“Right,” Alex wiped the crumbs of the cookie off of him. Sheepishly grinning at Nell. “I have to go find out what is going on for my shoot. If you're around later, how about we get together for another coffee?”

Saving her from going down a road that seemed rather personal for work, Alex crinkled the cookie package in his hand.

“Hmm,” Nell wrinkled her nose. “Not going to happen, sorry. Ivan will be here after school and I am off early.”

“Maybe tomorrow? Or Monday?” Alex was wishful that she would take his offer. He felt as though Nell had chatted with him to be polite or because she was bored, whatever he would take this as a personal win. If he had balls, he'd ask her for coffee over their days off.

“We'll see.” Nell smiled softly, her eyes creasing gently in the corner. She had stunning eyes.

“Until then, enjoy your shitty coffee. And good luck with all this work.” Alex waved backing out of the door.

He had accomplished a nearly impossible task today and it left him feeling invincible.

Lost in her work, time began to slip away. Deep in her element, Nell hadn't bothered to look at a clock since Alex had left. She knew it would soon be time for Ivan to come, a excitement began to bubble. Her son loved hanging out at work with his mother, his mood would change the older her got. Until then, Nell would take full advantage of the time he wanted to spend around his mother. Even if he did it because of how cool  it was to see people battling one another with swords?

“Nell, visitor.” One of the ladies who worked as a various runner knocked on the door. Nell's head jerked up, a smile on her face.

“Thank you,” Nell dropped everything she was doing to meet Bridie and collect Ivan.  Thanking their nanny and waving her off, the duo headed back inside. The afternoon warmth was welcomed on the other hand, the air conditioning was nicer.

“How was school?” Nell ruffled Ivan's hair and hugged him to her side.

“Long.” Ivan rolled his eyes, leaning into his mother. “Can I play with your phone?”

“Slow down, wild boy.” Nell eased. “You can, but if there is any school work it has to be done first. Go on, I will clear a space for you.”

“No school work.” Ivan beamed proudly. “I got a gold star today and don't have any.”

“Such a smart boy.” Nell held open the door for her son to pass through. “Give me a second, I will get you a spot to hang out and play games.”

“Okay.”

Ivan's quest for a game to play was sidetracked, when he stepped inside to find the familiar man hanging out, waiting like every one else seemed to be today. Bouncing the rest of the way across the room, Ivan greeted his friend. Calling to his mother. “Mum, I don't need to play a game right now.”

“Ivan!” Jordan cheered, his laugh coming in a growl. “How've ya been, buddy?”

Jordan and his girlfriend lived in the townhouse across the courtyard from Nell and Ivan. Having met Jordan at work with his mother; Ivan would sometimes join the actor in games of basketball on the small court behind their complex. On Saturdays, providing there was nothing else going on, Jordan would invite Nell and Ivan over to watch whatever football match was on. Jordan and Ivan would sit in front of the tv yelling and cheering, while Nell and Sophie ignored the chaos and spent time gossiping about this and that.

“Good, I guess. Ms. Inglewood has been giving a lot of homework.” The seven year old groaned, flopping down on the chair next to the actor. “Mountains of it!” His eyes were wide. “But not today.”

“Ah, all part of the school game, little man.” Jordan clasped a hand over the boy's small shoulder. “Tell me what you've been learning about.”

Nell snickered, pulling a rack of pants from the large cupboard behind the chairs, Ivan had been complaining for the last two weeks about this very subject. Jordan had opened a can of worms.

“Vikings.” Ivan replied in discontent.

“Well, look at that!” Jordan's enthusiasm was about to be squashed. He nudged the boy in the arm, smiling. “You must be at the top of the class, then?”

“No.” Ivan mumbled, folding his arms across his chest. “Ms. Inglewood has it all wrong and when I tell her that, she gets mad at me.”

“What do you mean?”

“She knows nothing about Vikings! It's all big and hairy men, wearing hats with horns, and how they were big bullies.” Ivan huffed, turning in his seat, he grasped the armrest, leaning over into Jordan's face. “She's crazy and not a very good teacher!”

“Hmm,” Jordan pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. “Do you tell her that she's wrong, often?”

“Every day!” Ivan nodded firmly. He'd sat back a few inches, giving Jordan room to turn and face him.

“Maybe that's why she's always mad?”

“But she's wrong!” Ivan argued. “Wrongggg, Jordan, wrong!”

“So, the next time she is wrong, try being nice. Rise your hand and politely explain how what she is saying, isn't true.” Jordan offered the solution.

“Ugh.” Ivan sat back on his chair. “She won't listen to me, but...” He smirked. “She might listen to an adult.”

Nell listened to the conversation, no matter what Jordan said Ivan would try his best to get his own way. The little boy had a charming smile and those dazzling blue eyes, it was difficult for adults to deny him. A charm his father had as well. If he grew up to be like his father, the world was going to need some help handling them both.

“Buddy, I'm not sure that I'm the right guy to talk to your class. I don't now much about Vikings, I just pretend to be one.” Jordan shrugged, standing to finish putting on his costume. He had spent enough time with the boy to know how to deflect that charm. “Why don't you see if your mum can't help you find someone else?”

“But you're my best friend. And adult girls like you.” Ivan continued to argue. The various people in the room getting a chuckle, as the little boy tried his best to convince the actor. “Please.”

“Okay, Ivan, enough.” Nell cut in, running her hand through his hair. “Jordan has to get to work. We can discuss this later, let him go.”

“Mummm.” Ivan whined, ducking away from her. “I need someone to talk to Ms. Inglewood. Otherwise, she's going to produce a bunch of morons.”

“Ivan! Language!” Nell scolded her son. “Lets give this a rest, why don't you go see what they're doing in make up? I'll be right over with the rest of today's costumes.”

“Fine.” Ivan grumbled, sliding out of the chair. “But someone needs to talk to this woman. Where's Mr. Peter? He knows a lot about Vikings right?”

“Go and leave him alone, too!”

@funmadnessandbadassvikings​ , @kawennote09​, @smutgoblin​ , @nickysurfer28​ , @peaceisadirtyword​, @igetcarriedawaywithyou​ , @lif3snotouttogetyou​, @akamaiden​ @angelaiswriting​, @neeadinghugs​, @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly​, @ilvebeenabad​ , @naaladareia​, @imgoldielikehawn​ @tephi101​, @sdcyumyum​ @unacceptabletatertots​, @sparklemichele​ , @titty-teetee​ , @smolasianwinterbean​ , @capitanostella​ , @captstefanbrandt​ @bloodyivar​  , @normanallthewayforever​  , @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ , @imyourliquor-youremypoison​ , @nikky-the-writer​  , @seremedyxiii​ , @laketaj24​ , @deleteidentity​ , @tornupandbored​ , @hoeghfabulous​ , @ateliefloresdaprimavera​  , @mydarlingwhim​ , @kenzieam​ , @jar-of-love​ ,  @angelswannawearmyredshooz​ , @manuugxlvis​  , @lost-in-my-thoughs , @ivars-snowflake​ , @lisinfleur​ , @fumblingthroughchaos​ @pebblesz892 , @nelson-and-murdock​ , @nothingeverdies, @bluearchersstuff  @itsspecial-itsnotforeveryone, @ivarlothbroks, @badassbaker  @cris101071 @fucktrucks @ohjules @mrsadrianraines  @angelic-kisses13 @marthasantos95 @atlanticowe @hows-my-hair @omgshuddupmeg @moviegirl50 @havenoffandoms @gearhead66 @happydaysandersen @rekdreams-fandom @lovemylife2618 @supernaturalvikingwhore @heavenly1927 @zoe-rachel-crisp @blogandreea11 @shileen91 @geekandbooknerd @mzliterarydreamer @youbloodymadgenius @ainatirb-j @carlya65​

- if you want to be added?removed, please let me know

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Myrkur: the strange and surreal journey of Amalie Bruun

From hanging out with Martin Scorsese and Billy Corgan to appearing in a Michael Bolton video, Myrkur's Amalie Bruun is a black metal star like no other

An old painting hangs on the wall of the compact, one-storey house an hour’s drive out of Copenhagen that Amalie Bruun calls home. It depicts a blonde girl lost in reverie as she walks a grass path high above a fjord: a scene that’s elemental and ethereal at the same time.

The picture, by noted Norwegian landscape artist Hans Dahl, belonged to Amalie’s late grandmother, a refined woman who smoked cigarettes from an ivory holder and drank gin and tonic on a Friday morning. Amalie’s mother used to say that it was Amalie in the painting. It’s not hard to see why.

“I had a connection to it from before I can remember,” says Amalie today, as we sit at a dining table in a living room that’s one part uncluttered Scandinavian stylishness, one part hygge-style cosiness. “The album sounds like the painting looks.”

The album she’s referring to is Folkesange, her third as Myrkur, the one-woman  project she founded in the mists of the early 2010s.

Where Myrkur’s past releases have bridged worlds – black metal, post-rock, blackgaze, classical – Folkesange is different. This is traditional Scandinavian music played on traditional Scandinavian instruments, sung predominantly in Danish. There are some covers, some originals, though there’s not a trace of metal in the music or the vocals. It’s all there in the title: Folkesange. Folk Songs.

That Amalie Bruun is releasing an album of sometimes beautiful, sometimes melancholic Scandinavian folk music really shouldn’t surprise anyone who has followed her journey. Partly because that aspect of who she is has always been present in Myrkur’s music – all she’s doing with Folkesange is separating it out.

But mainly because Amalie Bruun has lived more lives than most other people. That, as much as anything, is what puts her out there on her own.

Two life-changing things have happened since Myrkur’s last album, 2017’s expansive and brilliant Mareridt, both inextricably linked.

One: Amalie Bruun got married. Her husband, Keith Abrami, is a fitness instructor and drummer with American death metal band Artificial Brain. The pair became romantically involved after Keith began playing as Myrkur’s touring drummer.

Keith is around, though he stays in the back bedroom today. This is because he is attending to the second life-changing thing that has happened to Amalie recently: the couple’s nine-week old son, Otto.

If Mareridt was the product of the vivid nightmares its creator endured before making it, Folkesange was defined by pregnancy and the impending birth of her first child.

She describes motherhood as joyous, though in her case the elation is edged with sadness. She discovered she was pregnant soon after she started writing the new album. “But I miscarried,” she says simply.

Advertisement

We ask if she’s OK talking about this. She nods, and explains that the miscarriage pushed her deeper into making Folkesange. A few days after entering the studio with producer (and Heilung co-founder) Christopher Juul, she discovered she was pregnant again. And that’s when the emotion really hit her.

“I was totally out of it, but in a beautiful way,” she says. “I wasn’t my normal human self. I become something else.” She laughs. “Very nauseated.”

She noticed that her vocals were different. “I never felt so in tune with singing as I did then. I had this power and this clarity, which was crazy. But it was the exact place to be, recording folk vocals with this new life growing in you.”

There were worries, of course, as well as other emotions. One of the songs on the new album, Gudernes Viljie (English translation: ‘The Will Of The Gods’) is about the miscarriage. “There were conflicted feelings, dealing with both this new life and this guilt feeling of this other life that never happened,” Amalie explains. “It was never a heartbeat, but you still feel like a mother. It was very intense.”

Amalie Bruun grew up listening to Scandinavian folk music. It resonated with her on a different level. “With my spirit,” she says. “It’s like in England: you have that singer-songwriter folk tradition, it’s historically ingrained. It shapes who you are, even if you don’t know it. Because it’s folk music, it’s told by people for people. So it’s inherited into the spirit of a population.”

Half of Folkesange’s 12 tracks are her versions of songs that she grew up listening to, while the others are her originals, though you’d be hard pushed to tell which is which. “This is a record that I wish had existed when I was young,” she says. “And it doesn’t exist, so I wanted to make it.”

Music, folk or otherwise, is in her blood. Her father, Michael Bruun, is a retired musician. He was semi-famous as a pop singer-songwriter in Denmark in the early 80s. “But he was not interested in fame,” says Amalie. “He’s shy and misanthropic.” Does she take after him? She smiles. “I do. Sometimes I wish I didn’t but I do.”

Her mother, by contrast, was a Jungian psychologist. “She tried her best not to bring her work home, but she did. You get analysed every day.”

As well as folk music, Amalie loved classical music as a child. She learned piano as a toddler, took up violin at five, and eventually attended music college as a teenager. “I wasn’t pushed into anything. It was all my choice. I was never interested in anything else.”

Advertisement

The first metal record Amalie Bruun fell in love with was Transilvanian Hunger, Darkthrone’s sub-lo-fi black metal masterpiece. Before that she’d listened to the stuff teenagers listen to: Nirvana, Björk, that kind of thing. Aside from her older brother’s Metallica and Judas Priest records, she’d never listened to much metal.

“Usually that transition takes years, right?” she says. “But all of a sudden I hear Transilvanian Hunger. It reminded me of classical music.”

“The Starter Pack” is how she jokingly describes Transilvanian Hunger today. “If you like that, a lot other black metal sounds really pleasant. A lot easier on the ear.”

When she was 22 years old, Amalie Bruun bought herself a one-way plane ticket to New York and started another life. It was the city’s rich and romantic musical history that drew her there: the poets, the punks, the freaks, the superstars. She arrived with no cellphone and nowhere to stay.  “I didn’t know what I was doing,” she says. “But that’s what New York is. You just go there and see what happens.”

She found a place to stay with friends of friends from back in Denmark, and walked all over the city, giving her demo CD to venues. “Just piano music,” is how she describes what she was doing. “Me singing little melodies.”

She played anywhere that would have her, in front of whatever crowds were there. “Oh, it wasn’t the cool people,” she says. “It was definitely uncool. But it was never about fame. I just wanted to go out and earn my stripes a little bit.”

In the early 2010s, she met guitarist and co-vocalist Brian Harding, and they put together Ex Cops. Based in oh-so-trendy Brooklyn and playing shoegaze-inflected alt-pop, they basically screamed ‘hipster’.

Advertisement

She recoils at the suggestion. “I fucking hate that,” she says vehemently. “I hate the whole hipster thing.”

Ex Cops were ultimately small fish in a big indie rock pond – their main claim to fame was that their second album was executive-produced by Smashing Pumpkins major domo Billy Corgan. Amalie liked being in Ex Cops, but she liked the music industry a lot less. Or at least the part of it she where she found herself.

“I would be in the studio, working on ideas I had written and people would say, ‘Let’s just let Amalie get it out of her system,’” she says. “I was so offended by that. There were comments on what I would wear, whether or not I could have armpit hair in photos. It takes away your agency as a musician and as a woman.”

There were two Amalie Bruuns while she was living in New York. Or rather, there was one living two separate lives.

There was one Amalie Bruun who was making music with Ex Cops and dipping her toes into the world of modelling – she appeared, raven-haired, in a Chanel advert directed by the legendary Martin Scorsese – and, even more bizarrely, alongside 90s crooner Michael Bolton dressed as Forrest Gump in a video by spoof R’n’B group The Lonely Island (Bolton was dressed as Forrest Gump, not her).

Advertisement

Then there was Amalie Bruun the black metal fan. She mentioned her love of the genre in Ex Cops interviews, even if she sounded almost apologetic about it. “I was,” she concedes. “People thought it was too weird.”

Few people picked up on the references anyway, let alone knew that she was quietly working on a project of her own in the shadows: Myrkur.

She had been writing folk melodies on the violin for years. Gradually she added more and more metal elements. Once in a while she dared play it to other people.

Eventually word reached underground metal stronghold Relapse Records, who released her self-titled debut mini-album in 2014. Back then her identity was a mystery: she was as much apparition as musician. “I wanted the music to speak for itself,” she says of her anonymity, as if it’s the most obvious thing ever.

But mysteries don’t stay mysterious for long these days. When someone joined the dots and uncovered her other life as one half of a trendy Brooklyn indie-pop band, the keyboard warriors went into swivel-eyed overdrive. She was a fake. A poser. Worse, a woman – one who’d dared gatecrash the testosterone-heavy sausage party that is the black metal scene.

“I was blissfully unaware of it,” she says of the negative attention she initially attracted. “Then it was, like, ‘Why am I being hated by people who don’t know me at all. At least get to know me.’” She shrugs. “It didn’t affect me much. I was there to play music, not fuck around with all that stuff.”

She has a theory: that people objected to the fact that she’d worked with Kris ‘Garm’ Rygg, frontman with former black metal avant-gardists Ulver. “Honestly, what really pissed off a lot of people in the beginning was that I did work with some of the Scandinavian black metal artists that they look up to. I think that was very annoying and provocative to that crowd.”

Not that she was a woman? She thinks carefully.

“I think it’s the fact that I didn’t follow the rules of how women in metal should behave. I’m not the first woman in metal, I just did it a little bit more my own way.”

Anyway, she says with a faint smile, she wasn’t above a little button-pushing herself.

“I was never deliberately provocative,” she begins. “But when I realised how little it took I did take a bit of pleasure in it. I knew that if you post a picture with Attila from Mayhem, then they’re just going to go off. But it’s not like I did that just to piss people off...”

If Mareridt silenced the haters, or some of them at least, then Folksange, with its absence of volume, will probably fire them up again. Amalie Bruun couldn’t care less if it does. She has more important concerns. Such as her new life, as the mother of Otto.

She’s not pretending that motherhood won’t impact on how she approaches her career. There will be no big world tours around Folkesange, for one. “You can’t pretend it doesn’t play into it as a woman. Maybe as a man, it’s different. I know a lot of metal musicians, they have kids and they continue the same life. That’s cool, but when you’re a mother you can’t do that. I want the two sides of my life to co-exist.”

Has she worked out how that will work?

“I don’t know yet how that works.”

Is she looking forward to it?

“It’s nerve-wracking.”

Is she worried?

“No, I’m not worried. I’m in control. It will be how I plan it to be.”

With perfect timing, the sound of a baby crying drifts from the back room. Amalie gets up and returns a few seconds later holding Otto, a tiny bundle of nine-week-old humanity.

It’s only then that you realise how unique Amalie Bruun, and Myrkur, is: not just a woman operating in such a male-dominated field, but a mother as well.

Before we leave her and her family, she says that she’s looking forward to following up Folksange with “another metal-style record with distorted guitars”. But for now that’s in the future. Another chapter, another life.

[katsvdeku]

kacchan and bonsai

I’ve written this a long long time ago and I also posted this on ao3 under a collection, but I deleted that collection and uploaded this as an individual fic (here!) (ノ^∇^)

On a Sunday morning in the Bakugou household, a five-year old Katsuki can be heard screaming his lungs out at his mother. Their neighbors are probably used to it by now, but on this particular day, it seems like the young boy is louder than usual.

“YOU STUPID OLD HAG! I’M NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE!”

A shirtless Katsuki holds onto the side of his room doorway as his mother, Mitsuki, has her arms around the boy’s torso, pulling him out of his room. Masaru, Katsuki’s father, only watches in amusement, discreetly taking a photo of the scene before him to add to the photo collection of ‘Adorable Katsuki throwing fits’.

“Oh yes, you are! We’ve talked about this, Katsuki!”

Said boy doesn’t listen and tries to flail his short legs, successfully kicking his mother’s face. Hah, that’s what you get, woman! Katsuki mentally pats himself at his success and dashes into his room, making sure to lock his door before throwing himself on his bed, facing the ceiling.

A diversity of All Might stickers litter his beige ceiling, varying in designs and sizes. They give color and life to the plain upper interior surface of his room. His mother was against it at first, arguing that it’s only add mess to Katsuki’s already untidy room. However, after hearing Katsuki say ‘please’ while looking down at his feet with a pout plastered on his face made Mitsuki say yes without much thought.

It was such a rare occurrence; she had to recall if it really happened.

Katsuki feels something poking his butt and reaches under him – it’s an All Might action figure.  The one his father bought him when he had the highest remarks in his class. His face contorts into a sour look as he recalls what happened this morning.

It was a peaceful morning for little Katsuki, waking up from a wonderful action-filled dream with his idol, All Might. This time, his dream wasn’t interrupted by his old woman’s screams of ‘wake up, little devil!’

He seriously hated it when she does that.

The muffled sounds of his parents talking outside of his room reached him as he walked towards the door. It’d been half an hour since he woke up and his tummy’s demanding for food. As an active and energetic kid, Katsuki would always get hungry easily.

“Should we wake him up? We’ll be leaving in two hours.” That was his dad — voice so gentle and modulated. Katsuki liked it when his dad talked to him; it wasn’t unpleasant to the ears.

“You know how he gets when I wake him up, he’ll explode.” His mom’s voice was unusually soft, like she’s trying not to wake Katsuki up.

The foreign giddy feeling the young kid felt almost took over his body until he realized what he just heard. Leaving? To where?

Without caring if his parents would scold him for eavesdropping, Katsuki flung the door open and asked with a loud voice, “Where are we going?”

Much to Katsuki’s dismay, his parents are leaving without him. It took him a few seconds to recall his parents’ words a few weeks prior. They have talked to Katsuki about their upcoming work-related business in Tokyo. They’d be gone for a whole week. As much as they’d like to take Katsuki with them, they can’t. So, they decided to leave him to their close and trusted friend, Midoriya Inko.

What pisses Katsuki off is that he can’t remember a thing about that talk they had! Did they talk to him while he’s on the verge of sleeping so he couldn’t protest?

And that’s how Katsuki finds himself locked up in his room, shirtless and surrounded by his toys which he played with this morning.

There is an obnoxious knock on the door before it swings open, revealing his mother with a blue shirt in her left hand and a key in the other. With a yelp, Katsuki scrambles away, struggling as his All Might blanket gets wrapped around his ankle. The inevitable happens and a loud thud resonates around the four walls of his room as his body makes contact with the floor.

“Oww!” His butt stings like it’s been spanked!

“That’s what you get for being stubborn, kid.” Katsuki grunts upon hearing his mother snickering. “Are you alright? C’mon, let’s get you dressed up and we’re heading to the Midoriyas.”

   Against the blond five-year old’s will, Katsuki is now sitting at the backseat of their car with his arms crossed in front of his chest, listening to his mom ramble on and on about how this Inko is kind and sweet (the polar opposite of her, Katsuki wonders how they even became friends) and how she also has the cutest and loveliest child, Izuku.

It annoys Katsuki.

When they reach their destination, Katsuki stubbornly refuses to get out of the car, eyebrows scrunched together and lips jutting out in a pout. It’s his dad who pulls him out with a few coaxing words.

“Hah?” Katsuki huffs, staring at the building in front of them. “Is this where they live?”

Masaru nods. Katsuki’s curiosity only heightens more. This whole building is theirs? They must be rich then.

“Yeah, since there’s just the two of them, they only live in an apartment complex.” Mitsuki adds, leading them to the stairs. “They live in the fourth floor.”

“What’s an apartment complex?”

“It’s a building with residential suites or rooms where people rent to live in.” His dad replies, holding his hand as they climb up the stairs.

“So this Midoriya family only rented a room and this whole building is not theirs?”

This makes both of his parents laugh wholeheartedly. Katsuki tilts his head to the side with an annoyed glare directed at them. Does he look like he’s joking?

“Of course, silly!”

Katsuki takes it back, they’re not rich at all. The kid is about to ask something again when he notices they’ve reached the floor where the Midoriya family live in. The hallway stretches far enough to make Katsuki feel dizzy a little. It’s like one of those horror movies. Are all the rooms even occupied?

Will his parents really leave him in a place where all the paranormal happen? With this lingering thought in his mind, Katsuki senses something heavy settling in his chest, gradually spreading throughout his body until it reaches the tips of his fingers and toes.

He’s not scared. Katsuki doesn’t get scared.

He doesn —

An embarrassingly booming scream crawls out of his throat, arms fumbling  to grab his father’s shirt, as the door in front of them (when did they even stop here?) opens up in a slow manner.

“Katsuki, don’t be rude!” Mitsuki hisses, eyes widening to emphasize her annoyance.

“NO! I WON’T STAY IN THIS HAUNTED APARTMENT! TAKE ME WITH YOU!”

Katsuki turns to run when he feels his mother takes a hold of his shirt, keeping him in place.

“Oh no, you don’t! We’ve been through this this morning, Katsuki!”

He makes a strangled noise as his mother drags him into the apartment while apologizing to the green-haired woman watching them with concern.

“NO! LET ME GO! I’M GONNA DIE IN HERE!”

“Don’t be a drama queen, you won’t die here!”

Katsuki’s not usually like this. He’s a brave and strong kid with a reputation. He’s known for being the coolest kid in town, that’s why everyone wants to be friends with him. He’s someone whom everyone looks up to. He has no idea why he’s being so uncool at the moment, though. Maybe because he knows there are no kids around to see thi — wait, is that…a kid around his age?

Upon realizing a child like him with hair and eyes as green as leaves during spring is standing a few feet away from him, watching his pandemonium, he halts immediately, lifting his chin up to show dominance. He can’t let this kid look down on him.

“Finally! Why were you even yelling about a haunted apartment?! You’re watching too much horror movies, Katsuki.”

This causes a wave of warmth to spread across his chubby cheeks. Katsuki huffs in annoyance, turning around to throw a glare at his mother. He hears a soft giggle coming from where the other kid is standing and Katsuki’s head snaps into that direction.

“What the heck are you laughing at, loser?!”

Katsuki watches as the freckled kid’s (because his cheeks are overwhelmingly adorned with freckles, it pisses the blond off) eyes widen, mouth forming an ‘o’ shape as his grip on his yellow All M shirt tightens. Katsuki hears his mother yell at him, but he ignores her to scan this boy’s face. What was his name again? He looks like he’s about to piss himself and — wait…an All M shirt?

Upon realizing what the other’s wearing, a sense of excitement courses through Katsuki’s small body, but he tries to conceal it with a grunt and a roll of his eyes.

“K-Kachu…Katsu…K-Katsuki-kun, I wasn’t l-laugh —”

“I don’t care! Shut up! I hate your face!”

This time, Katsuki receives a flick on his forehead from his mother who also tells him to ‘be nice, brat!’, to which he screams in both pain and surprise.

“You’ll be staying with them for a whole week, Katsuki. Treat them nicely or I swear I’ll drive back here to pinch your ass cheeks.”

“I guess I won’t act nice then,” Katsuki huffs, crossing his arms across his chest.

“What did you — oh. Oh. You’re gonna miss us? Aww, that’s so cute. You should’ve just said you’ll stupidly miss us, Katsuki. C’mere, let me hug you,” Mitsuki coos at his son, arms stretching out to wrap his son in a bear hug, to which the young kid shrieks a ‘what the heck are you doing?!’ before running to hide behind the green haired boy.

Katsuki remembers the times when he’d run and hide behind a tree when his mother would chase him down after finding out he ate more sweets than he’s allowed to. This time, though, he feels like he’s hiding behind a small tree. A bonsai, he recalls what his mother said when she brought one in.

This is when Katsuki notices the other kid watching in mixed awe and amusement at his and his mother’s exchange. His emerald eyes shine like there are stars in them. Heck, they shine brighter than the stars! Is that even possible? And his lips — his stupid pink lips, Katsuki thinks — are curled up into a big grin and Katsuki’s captivated.

Wait…capti — what? When did he even learn that word?

Inevitably, Katsuki freaks out at his thoughts and on instinct he pushes the other boy and watches as he stumbles on his feet, almost hitting the ground.

“You…your eyes and smile are freakin’ blinding me!”

His hands fly towards his mouth the moment he hears those words come out of his stupid mouth.

“Watch your words, Katsuki!”

His mother’s words are downright ignored as he beelines his way to nearest room he sees. A sigh of relief slips from his mouth as his back hits the hard surface of the door. He can vaguely hear his mother talking to Midoriya-san. He turns to press his ear against the door to hear their conversation better, but almost falls flat on the floor when the door swings open.

“What the —” His words stop from leaving his mouth when comes face to face with the green haired kid. His eyes are still — no, shut the heck up, brain. “Are you trying to kill me, you bonsai?!”

“B-Bon…what? I mean, I-I’m sorry, Kachuki-kun.” He looks down at his feet, finger fumbling with the hem of his All M shirt as a blush creeps its way to his cheeks up to his neck. Katsuki watches in enjoyment as the freckled bonsai shuffles, obviously uncomfortable. That was until he realizes what the other just called him.

“Kachuki? Kachuki?! My name is not Kachuki! It’s Katsuki!”

Bonsai tries again. “Ka…Kachu —”

“NO!” Katsuki’s flaring now, angry at the wrong yet adorable way of Bonsai’s pronunciation of his name. “Repeat after me, loser. Ka–tsu–ki.”

“Ka…chu…ki.”

Katsuki can feel his neck burning in anger as he scowls at the freckled bonsai in front of him, who looks like he’s about to cry. The blond kid panics after seeing the repressed tears threatening to fall any second.

“Fine. I don’t care what you call me, bonsai.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes when the other boy lightens up at his words, eyes freakin’ shining again. Ugh, this is gonna be a long week.

“I’ll call you Kacchan then!”

Katsuki chokes on his spit, cheeks burning at the cute but stupid nickname. “What did you call me, bonsai?!”

“It’s Izuku, Kacchan!”

[oumiyuki]

I Want To Bridal Carry You, Is That Okay?

Summary: Taking a page or two from Riko’s literature texts on yuri, Chika decides she’s going to bridal carry her girlfriend and make said girlfriend fall further in love with her. It’s just not as simple as Chika thought it’d be.

Pairing: ChikaYou

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Humour

Words: 1774

Read me at fanfiction.net or AO3 too~ :D

Author Notes

ChikaYou~ ChikaYou~ I love me more ChikaYou~ hehe~ >w<

Do you love you more ChikaYou~? ^w^/

May you enjoy~ XD

 “So...I've been studying.”

Riko drops her textbooks, pencil case, everything she had on hand as she gave Chika an amazing mix of disbelief and happiness.

“Okay, that's just rude.” Chika squints with a frown. 

Riko chuckles, waved the orangehead off half-heartedly as she bends down to pick up all her fallen items. “So...studying what?”

Chika brightens again as she remembers what she wanted to say. “Your literature texts on yu-“

Riko drops all her stuff again - expression one of horror. “WHAT!?”

“What what?” The orangehead blinks confused. 

“What what what?” Riko was flailing her arms in what Chika thinks might be anger at this point. 

“What, you said what first!” The Leader of Aqours puts her hands up in defence as she took a safe two steps back. 

“Wha- Why? Why were you reading my books? Without permission!” Riko questioned from head to toe – bulging eyes, perpetual frown, gesturing hands, and one foot forward. 

Chika swallows her nerves. “You gave me permission to...”

Riko was nowhere near convinced as she crossed her arms, waiting for Chika to explain every last detail as to how reading her doujin- her literature texts on love even transpired. 

“I was stressing out the other day to you about what can I do to make You-chan swoon... Remember?” Chika looks hopeful at the enraged redhead.

The enraged redhead remained enraged as she shook her head to indicate ‘No, I have no such recollection. Plus you always stress about wanting to make sure You-chan stays in love with you when we talk. Even though You-chan’s love for you can be seen even by the blind.’

Chika worries her fingertips against each other as she thinks of what to say next. “We were at your house…and you were in a good mood…and…and…you said ‘My books know it best’ while patting those books… So I took it as ‘Read them and learn’...?”

Riko stares coldly at Chika for a good minute just to subject the orangehead to guiltiness for a bit longer, then she sighs, giving in. “What’s done is done…”

“Sorry…” Chika lowers her head apologetically.

The pianist shakes her head lightly, a small smile forming as she picks up all her items from the floor once more. “So what did you learn?”

Chika beams once again at the idea. “To bridal carry You-chan! That’s sure to make her swoon!”

Riko’s items tumble to the ground for the third time this morning as her eyes grew in excitement, cheeks flushed at the slightest from imagining the scenario. “I’m…sure it will…”

Riko can’t wipe the grin off her face now as she anticipated the actual event. “I look forward to it.”

Chika laughs then asks insecurely. “You think it will work, Riko-chan?”

The auburn haired girl rolls her eyes. “Where did your confidence a second ago disappear to? Yes. It will.”

Chika smiles, reassured from the Yuri Master. “Alright! You-chan won’t even know what hit her when it does. Hehe~”

Chika steals various glances You’s way. She knows what she wants to do, but now that her best friend was in the same room as her, she wasn’t quite certain about how she’s going to do it. And every time the ash-brunette turns to look at her, perhaps feeling her stare, Chika looks away hurriedly, blinking rapidly, hoping You does not notice that she was indeed staring.

Was it supposed to be this hard? Sheesh…

The orangehead breathes out; tired just from all the longing stares keeps giving You, thinking how nice it would be if You would just walk over and settle into her arms. Not that that could ever happen…

Uu…

Chika blushes at the idea of such a day.

Focus, Takami Chika. If I  want You-chan sitting on my lap in the future, I first gotta carry her in my arms today!

The Leader of Aqours huffs out her nose with her fist pumped discreetly under the table, not realizing that You was looking at her wondering if everything is okay, and finding that little action rather cute.  

Making You-chan fall will give me the perfect reason to carry her, no? Alrighty, time to execute plan A! Make You-chan fall~

Chika turns back to see You walking away and most probably out of the classroom. “Eh? Ah, You-chan-”

Where is You-chan going? I can’t bridal carry her if she’s not here!

Chika rushes behind You and holds her breath as she puts a foot in front of You - effectively causing You to trip. But seeing her best friend falling face first to the floor, Chika realizes You was falling the wrong direction she wanted.

“WAH- EH-UWAA-”

You lets out a series of surprised sounds as Chika grabs her right hand in the nick of time, pulls her best friend back up as her left arm wrapped itself in front of You, around the girl’s waist to keep her secured. “Chika-chan!?  T-Thanks…”

Chika nods, her face right beside You’s and glad that her girlfriend was safe.

This is somehow different from what I imagined…

“Um…Chika-chan..?” You’s ears were all red as she wonders when Chika will let go of her right hand and move out of this back-hug that was happening to her; if they weren’t in school and people were starting to stare, You wouldn’t mind letting it continue for hours.

“Eh?” Chika takes in the sight of You staring the floor embarrassed, then the murmur of her classmates clued her into why her girlfriend was being so adorably blushy. “Ahh! Er, sorry! I- Mm.” Chika lets go, stands there awkwardly before robot-walking back to her seat.

WHAT WAS I DOING???

Chika sighs after a necessary cool down period.

How did those bridal carries occur in Riko-chan’s doujins..?

Various scenes of already unconscious girls lying on the floor before the other girl appears to scoop the unconscious one up and away flash through Chika’s mind, and she hums in consideration.

Maybe I could get Riko-chan to throw her textbook at You-chan’s head…

Chika tries imagining that and her face changed to that of an unamused smile.

Ah, no…that wouldn’t be quite right either…Imagine telling You-chan – “You fell unconscious because Riko-chan threw her textbook at you… Are you feeling better now?”

Chika shakes her head at that.

How uncool…

“Guess I could try this instead…” Chika mumbles under her breath as she arches her back, curling into herself to avoid being caught by the teacher and turns to secretly look at You again. She smiles when You yawns, clearly bored of the lesson Chika wasn’t paying attention to either.

Chika tears a bit of her notebook page and writes “Stay back after school.” And she throws the folded paper to You’s desk.

I hope this goes well…I’m gonna bridal carry you, You-chan!

The bell signalling the end of all classes for the day rings and Chika’s scarlet eyes lights up; excited and nervous for her plan to be carried through, and hopefully, successfully getting her girlfriend’s heart to skip beats and fall a little more in love with her.

You waves goodbye to her classmates and Riko who said she has important things to see to. Gentle blue eyes rest on the orangehead who was taking in deep breathes to calm her own racing heart; You grins at that. She could not come to a conclusion about what Chika might be up to, but seeing Chika taking the initiative to hang out with her alone makes You happy any day.

“Chika-chan?”

“Ah. Er. It’s after school huh?” Chika stands abruptly, the chair screeching as it was forced backwards and she chuckles nervously.

Ahhh, why is this so nerve-wracking?? Think cool thoughts, Chika. Think cool thoughts. I gotta make You-chan swoon. Not the other way around.

You raises her eyebrows before giggling at Chika’s antics. “I’m sure you knew that the moment the school bell rang and you went “Yes! School’s out!”

Chika’s cheeks flush pink as the ash-brunette winked at her. “Uu…I…Just taken notice once more… Don’t point that out, baka You-chan…”

I can do this. I can do this.

“So what’s up?” You stands too, pushing in her chair before smiling patiently at her girlfriend.

Chika nods to herself and to You. She takes You’s hand in hers and pulls her to the back of the classroom which was more spacious than the in-between of their tables. “I want you to do everything I tell you to do…Is that okay?”

And I’ll give you instructions to get into a bridal carry by me! Perfect plan.

You takes a moment to access the situation, blinking slowly and watching Chika’s serious expression, You does not find a reason to say no. The ash-brunette nods.  “Okay.”

Chika smiles widely and takes a step closer to You.

Alright! Part one of Plan B – Ok!

Chika puts her hand behind You’s back. “Lean back, You-chan.”

“Eh? Um…Like this..?” You does as told, leaning backwards as though she might be doing a limbo.

Chika nods, her smile never fading as her hand on You’s back follows You. “Okay…” Chika deems that You has lowered her back enough for Chika to safely and easily scoop the girl up, so she puts her right hand under You’s knees and lifts.

I  did it-

“Chi- WA- Chika-chan!?” You panics from being lifted off the ground without warning and was flailing about.

Ah. You-chan. Wai- If you move around so much- Don’t-

“Don’t move!” Chika makes her next request.

You freezes; ever the obedient partner, though her face grows hotter with each passing second of being carried by Chika bridal style.  

Chika herself was a bright red as she stared at You in her arms, hands in front of her chest and staring at her with those innocent, round, azure eyes. Chika could tell her palms were sweaty and she willed herself to sweat less and not drop her girlfriend.

“How long..?” You asks shyly, averting her gaze for a second before staring back at Chika. Her heart was drumming crazily, her mind was racing endlessly. The situation they were in made You happy and absolutely embarrassed at the same time.

Chika breathes in deeply through her nose and adjusted her hold on the ash-brunette. “H-However long I want…”

I don’t want to put you down even when hands get tired if I could…

“Is that okay?”

You nods and nestles her head closer to Chika’s shoulder. “Mmph…”

They both fell further in love with each other this warm evening.

Riko stands outside the classroom windows with her phone camera rolling and a pleased smile on her face, holding back her nosebleed. “It’s good to be alive.”

Author Notes

Well, as how every ChikaYou story goes. It got longer than expected! XD

-chuckles- ahh~ =w=

I hope y’all enjoyed this as much as I fantasized and wrote, fantasized and then wrote again~ nyahaha~ XD

Leave me a comment if you like! :D (Chika will be adamantly bridal carrying You until someone tells them they gotta leave the school premises~ Because Chika probably would walk to a chair and sit in it so she don’t really have to use her arm strength to keep You up, but still refuses to let You be more than 2 centimetres away from her.

Oh. P.S. Chika loves the back of You’s thighs. ;D nante ne~)

[science-lings]

Heart of Gold-Titanium Alloy Chapter 5: Calm Before the Storm

“So how long can you just... chill up there.” Harley was staring at Peter who was sitting upside down on the ceiling of the workshop. They had all been casually working on whatever they could think of just to pass time now that school was on hold.

“I don’t know. I’ve slept on the ceiling before. Being upside down actually helps me focus.” He shrugged and webbed himself a tool from Tony’s main workstation. He jammed it into the tiny device he was making. He didn’t tell Tony or Harley that it was going to be an arc reactor powered lightsaber. He was slightly embarrassed by his obsession with the Star Wars franchise so he toned it down so that his new family wouldn’t think less of him.

“Can you stick to anything?” Harley said as he lazily ate a slice of pizza. That was what happened when Pepper wasn’t around to monitor their eating. Tony just ordered them too many pizzas and told them to go wild. They usually did.

“Anything solid. I think I can stick to semi-solids… Unless you want to make a jello building then I’m not sure if we’ll find out any time soon.” Peter shrugged and lowered himself down on a web to grab his fifteenth slice of pizza. He wasn’t a heathen. He was unsure if his web-fluid was toxic or not and he wasn’t going to try it out by eating it off of a slice of meat-lovers. If it didn’t kill him it would definitely be pretty nasty.

“How though.” Harley asked as he looked up at his brother weirdly. Peter probably looked kinda silly just upside down on a tall ceiling.

“I can manipulate my atomic electromagnetism. I don’t have little hairs like real spiders. That would be fucking disgusting. I can stick through thin fabric like my suit. It wouldn’t work if it was too much thicker than spandex. That’s why I show off my ass, not because it’s nice, but because thick fabric restrains my whole sticking ability. And sometimes all of my limbs have to be moving while my butt does the sticking.” Peter answered through a few bites of food.

“Has that ever happened?” Harley doubted dramatically.

“Yeah, I had to kick a guy off of me while using my webs at the same time and I didn’t want to be launched in the air.” Peter said completely seriously. “What are you working on?”

“Oh, Tony let me use one of his old models of the suit. I’m trying to condense a fully formed iron man gauntlet into something pocket sized. For emergencies you know? It turns out that Tony already has ultra miniature arc reactor plans so all I have to do is the whole automated metal bit. At least in a way that won’t accidentally rip my fingers off.” Harley said casually.

“That’s always a good goal to have. Wait… Spiders can regrow limbs right? Do you think I can do that?”

“You are not going to intentionally injure yourself, Jesus Christ…” Tony ordered after focusing on jamming to his own music and playing with some prototype nanites.

“It was just theoretical!” Peter defended. “I wasn’t actually going to cut any of my limbs off!”

“Yeah, it would be a toe at most.” Harley added helpfully. “You don’t need all of those right?”

“Yes you do, don’t hurt yourself for the sake of an experiment.” Tony squinted his eyes as if he didn’t know that his kids were joking. He just wanted to make sure.

“Okay fine, I’ll probably lose a limb on patrol someday.” Peter shrugged. “Hey Tony? Are you gonna make an announcement, you know, about the adoption?”

“That’s probably a good idea, I am a bit of a public figure and people will be wondering why I’m hanging out with a couple of teenagers so much. But if you want to keep it quiet then I won’t say anything. You can’t exactly back away after deciding to  be in the forefront of the media.” Tony reasoned.

“I don’t think it’s that bad… I mean it’s not like I’ve never had bad press.” Peter smiled, “There’s this newspaper, they hate Spider-Man. But, here’s the catch, no one reads newspapers and they can’t get a picture of me to save their life. I totally thought about staging pictures to sell to them but I haven’t had a good camera in ages.” Peter typed on his holoscreen and swiped on it, sending a picture of the newspaper to Harley and Tony.

Harley immediately barked out a laugh and Tony looked mildly offended for Peter. He appreciated it. At first when he saw the anti-spiderman crap, he felt horrible but after some thought, he realized that they were hilariously bad. It was like watching Alex Jones, passionate about something that makes no sense and has no proof.

“Oh my god, look, you're a menace now! ‘Evil mean spider-menace disrespecting the elderly!’ You know, by walking them across the street. How shameful.” Harley giggled.

“My favorite one is when they claim that I’m part of a Nazi terrorist organization. I mean, do I look like Wanda Maximoff?” Peter smiled. This comment made Tony snort even though it was about one of his former teammates. “Wow, are you salty Mr. Stark?”

“I just got you to stop calling me that you little asshole. Also I am pretty salty. I should be too old to be salty but no…” Tony sighed loudly.

“I’m surprised that you even know what that term is.” Harley grinned.

“I’m down with the kids.” Tony grumbled. “ I know the memes…” Both Peter and Harley burst out laughing. “Well I have to, right! I’m trying to parent a couple of teenagers!” He defended. “I don’t want to be the old fart parent that doesn’t know what an internet is!” Peter actually fell from the ceiling as he was laughing so hard. He landed unsteadily on his feet then had to use a desk for support while he laughed his lungs out. Harley was weezing by the time he could stop laughing.

“Too late…” Harley tried to catch his breath. “How the hell do you find time to look at memes?”

“What do you think I do during all those avenger meetings kid. Come on, you think I need that UN shit repeated to me a thousand times.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Okay it wasn’t all memes but I finished monument valley in one afternoon.”

“That’s not that impressive, but why would you need to go to those avengers meetings anyway? I mean there aren’t very many avengers left. Most of them abandoned you because, what, rules are for pussies?” Harley looked a little bit annoyed when talking about the ex-avengers. Peter agreed but slightly less passionately. What team cap did was super uncool, at least from what Peter knew anyway.

“Well, somehow I have to find them and at least get them to a judge. Or find a way to pardon them because I can’t be earths only defender. The next worldwide disaster could happen and I’d rather have more expendable team members. The UN thinks they’re dangerous and they can’t be running around doing whatever they want.” Tony explained dismissively.

“Yeah, no shit. Mr. Rogers is destructive as hell. Remember when he revealed the entirety of a secret agency without giving a heads up to the agents on the field in direct danger?” Harley pursed his lips.

“He didn’t think that through did he…” Peter muttered as he climbed up on a table, completely unlike a normal human.

“Hopefully you guys don’t hate him that much because the best I can do for our situation is bring them back under house arrest here at the compound.” Both of the teenagers froze and looked at their father.

“Uh, what? Even after all of that you’re letting them come back?” Harley shouted.

“I’ve been talking to King T’Challa as they set up home base in Wakanda and we’re trying to work something out. I’m really trying to work with the accords so that there will be comfortable with them enough…” Tony continued.

“You really shouldn’t have to change the law to make them comfortable. The law is for the safety of all of the people who were previously unheard. The avengers needed some sort of oversight. You can’t just go to other countries and kill people with the story of trying to stop a terrorist. And none of them admitted to doing anything wrong. They left all of that to you even though you weren’t even part of it. I say they don’t deserve your help.” Harley ranted. Ever since he had met Tony he had kept up pretty intensely on everything to do with him and the avengers. He was a little frustrated.

“Yeah he dropped a plane platform on me before he knew if I could handle it… I mean we were fighting but I could’ve become a spider pancake. His team seemed a little more willing to hurt our team when I was literally just there to tie them up.” Peter shrugged. He was fairly informed about everything and was completely steadfast in his views.

Superheroes should be more responsible than anyone else. They had more arguably more power than any world leader and they couldn’t just do whatever they wanted. As someone raised to value responsibility above practically all else, he knew how important it was to account for your actions. Especially when you have great power. Super or not.

“Yeah, well, I’m not happy about it either. But we don’t have much of a choice. If something really bad happens… we need to be ready and if that means bringing them back, then fine. It’s better than having nothing.” Tony sighed, struggling to hide how uncomfortable he was about the subject. Did he want Steve back? No. He never wanted to see that asshole again. But if there was something coming, he would die alone. He didn’t have much of a choice.

“I don’t see why we can’t just make a new team. I seriously doubt that I’m the only teenage superhero. Hell, Harley could probably pull off being a direct line of succession for Iron Man. Iron Boy… Iron-ling…” Peter suggested.

“Yeah no, Remember when I said expendable? That’s what you guys aren’t. No major superheroing until you get out of collage. That’s a rule in this house.” Tony looked up to silently inform Friday.  

“Would you like me to inform Ms.Boss about the new family rule?” The AI echoed from the ceiling.

“Yes. And tell her that I love her.” Tony said casually while Harley and Peter made gagging noises and stuck out their tongues respectively.

“Okay let’s not go down that road. She’s not even here... “ Harley rushed. “Hey, we didn’t elaborate on that whole publicising the adoption thing. Are we actually going to do that?”

“Do you want to?” Tony sounded suspicious.

“It’s going to be hard to hide it if we go outside and the school already knows. It could already be leaked. It would be easiest to take control of it yourself.” Harley shrugged. Peter wasn’t completely sure about what he wanted. Sure, he didn’t want to hide anything but he also was kind of afraid of publicity as Peter and not just as Spider-Man. He knew the public would find out either way and he would rather avoid the whole misunderstanding phase.

“You’re right, how about you Peter?” Tony turned to his Spider son.

“I think… I’m not sure. I’m not a public person but I’d rather have that than trying to hide something that big. I’ll have to tell Ned and MJ first though. I think I already kept May’s.. Uh death from them for too long… I don’t want them finding out through the trending tag on twitter.” Peter shrugged.

“You didn’t even tell them about your aunts death?” Harley said, dumbfounded.

“In my defence, I was still in denial. And I tend to internalize my problems until I explode. I don’t exactly have healthy coping mechanisms.”

“You shouldn’t wait any longer anyway. Just call them in a minute. I can set up a press conference to reveal my new babies to the world. Do you guys want to do it today or tomorrow?” Tony asked.

“That fast? Damn… uh… the sooner the better I guess. Do I have to wear something nice?” Peter shuttered. He didn’t want to confront everything that soon. But he knew that he had to. It was one of those need-to-know kinds of things.

“Yeah but don’t worry. I’ve got that taken care of. Or I guess Pepper does. She has a better sense of style than I do and she insisted we go a little crazy on the clothes.”

“So it was Pepper that got us all matching iron man pajama pants?” Harley deadpanned.

“I think she has them too. Family has to match I guess. Is that a thing? I don’t know.” Tony didn’t look remotely surprised at his fiance's antics. “Anyway, tonight then? We still have a few hours to get ready.” He looked at his watch. He had called his fair share of press conferences without much of a heads up. Besides, by now everyone should know about the attack at the school so he would need to address that as well.

“Sure whatever. I’ll need to take a shower and Pete has to tell his friends. Cool? Cool. Bye.” Harley got up from his seat and left the lab without another word.

“Great…” Peter groaned. “I’m just going to skype them at the same time... I do not want to have the same conversation twice. I’ll tell Friday when I’m done.” Peter narated as he left the workshop and waved goodbye to Tony.

“Hey Fri? You know what to do.” Tony prepared for his own call.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So uh, I haven’t been completely honest with either of you. And before you say anything, It’s not because I don’t trust you or anything that you guys couldn’t helped.” Peter sat in his room in the Iron Suite of the avengers compound. It had the most extra rooms even from the beginning. Which was pretty convenient.

“Spit it out dork.” MJ said. She looked like she didn’t think that it was as major as it was and Peter appreciated the casualness.

“Okay, a little over a month ago, my Aunt May died.” Peter could practically feel the air get awkward through his laptops monitor. He continued before his friends could interrupt. “I don’t have any family left so I went into foster care for a while. I kept running away though. That’s why I looked like garbage all month, Not just physically but also emotionally.” He joked as it was his ‘uncomfortable’ coping mechanism.

“Oh my god, Peter I’m so sorry…” Ned started. He was one of the only people who understood. At least the whole coping thing. Ned had been there for him when Ben died and he knew that Peter’s solution to the problem was to internalize the fuck out of it. MJ looked a little uncomfortable as she was fully aware of how pushy she had been the past month. Peter knew that it was just her way of caring but also seeming detached.

“I know, I’m dealing with it but that’s not all. You know Harley? I actually met him through the foster system. His dad left him early on and his mother died a few years ago. That doesn’t matter, anyway, he was my foster brother. Now he’s my adopted brother. About a week ago, we got adopted.” Peter debated on whether to keep them in the dark about the whole ‘Iron Man is my dad’ thing.

“Whoa okay, let me get this straight, you got double orphaned and didn’t tell either of us?” MJ sounded respectfully sad but like she was desperately trying not to be even more depressing.

“Yeah, that’s it. But I swear it’s not you guys. It just took me too long to accept it myself. Anyway, I had to tell you before I’m on the news in a few hours. I actually have to go get ready for that.” Peter prepared to end the call before Neds eyes lit up in realization.

“Wait… DID MR. ST-” Peter interrupted him before his friend could spoil anything.

“Spoilers dude. I’ll text both of you soon.” He grinned and shut his computer to end the call. “Uh Karen? I need a tie tying tutorial…” He requested his personal AI. He had gotten attached to his suits AI so instead of Friday, Karen was embedded in his room.

“I could just ask boss. He just got off of the phone. Would you like me to request his assistance or see you struggle with it for twenty minutes?” Karen replied in her sweet teasing tone.

“Fine… in a minute though, I’ll save that for last.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peter was a little nervous. Maybe more than a little as he was freaking out. He fidgeted with his little spider cufflinks that Tony thought would be funny. He had to admit that the little spiders were cute. But he could imagine the blurry pictures on a fake news site with a caption of ‘Starks son is Spider-Man?’ or something just as obnoxious. Even though it was true, it would be weird to see it. It was exciting in a sense, he had never been part of a conspiracy theory.

Tony had helped him with a simple glossy red tie and Harley dealt with a flashy gold one. Neither of them were used to dressing so fancy but Peter had to admit that it was the most stylish he had ever felt. He would have to remember to thank Pepper when he sees her next. He kind of felt like he was in a magazine or on the red carpet. He had never had a stronger urge to take pictures of himself.

He may feel cool but he also felt a whole lot of anxiety. Tony had promised that all he had to do was stand there when the billionaire gave the announcement and that they didn’t have to answer any questions if they didn’t want to.

Peter wasn’t worried about any of that though. He was worried about all of the flashing lights and yelling. As a sense enhanced person, that was going to be the worst part. He just had to get through it without going into sensory overload. Easy peasy. He went through multiple fire drills so it should be fine right? He was probably just worrying too much. If the lights got too much he could just ask Tony if he could use his sunglasses.

“You kids ready?” Tony looked over at them as a woman was making him look less sleep deprived with makeup. Peter and Harley had the same treatment only minutes before and they couldn’t wait until it was all over. Again, Peter was sensitive and makeup of any kind felt extra weird. He kept wanting to rub his eye but he knew that the concealer would rub off and he had to just endure.

“Is it too cliche to say, as ready as I’ll ever be?” Harley straightened up and messed with his tie a little more than normal. The asshole was just better at hiding his nervousness than Peter was but he knew that Harley was just as uncomfortable.

“A little but it isn’t inaccurate. Remember, It’s going to be over soon and if you don’t want to answer a question, you can just give me a look and I’ll answer for you. How does that sound?” Tony was confident enough that some of his natural chill was picked up subconsciously by his kids. “Just remember that breathing is good for you. Air is a nice resource. Use it all you want.”

“Boss, It’s time.” Happy said through a slightly opened door that led to all of the chaos. Peter swore that he could see Colonel Rhodes on the platform beyond. Tony nodded and fixed Harley’s hair before showtime. They only had another second to prepare, and it went by too fast. Then they were out in the eyes of the world and everyone was watching. He really hoped that he wouldn’t regret this.

[misssophiachase]

Drabble prompt for you! How about Caroline as one third of Charlie's Angels and Klaus as the bad guy?

Independent Women

Thanks nonnie! And sincere apologies for taking so long! I love this and as much as I enjoy Klaus as the bad guy I have changed it to suit my story. Hope you still like it! I then realised this had way more potential as longer than a mini prompt so tell me if you like it so far and I might just reciprocate if there’s interest.

Los Angeles…

“Good morning, angels,” his rich voice floated through the intercom.

“Good morning, Enzo,” they replied in unison, bursting into fits of laughter as they uttered it.

“For god’s sake, why can’t you just call me Charlie like I asked?” He growled.

“Because we’re not here to fulfil your pathetic, male fantasies,” Kat offered, inspecting her recent manicure with sudden interest.

“And I’m not Farah Fawcett or even Cameron Diaz for that matter,” Caroline added before he could bemoan the fact she wasn’t again.  

“You’re just a few layers and bangs away from it, Forbes,” he assured her. They all rolled their eyes at their handler’s predictable response.

“Just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean I don’t know what your eyes are doing, angels.”

“You realise that technology has advanced since the 1970s right, Enzo?” Katherine explained slowly for his benefit. “It’s this little thing called Skype, maybe you’ve heard of it?”

“But then I’d have to see your rolling eyes, while Forbes twirls her hair around her index finger, Bennett taps her feet impatiently and you inspect your latest manicure for the tiniest of faults.”  

“Have we been summonsed just to talk about hairstyles, manicures and eye rolling? I mean really, Lorenzo?” Bonnie asked. The silence from the other end of the line told them he was attempting to regain his composure. Enzo hated it when his agents questioned his authority, unfortunately for him he had no choice with these three firecrackers.

They were all at the top of their respective training programs in the CIA two years ago upon graduation, each girl offering a different skill set and as a trio had become the best undercover agents in North America over that short time.

“As much as I enjoy our chats, Bennett,” he shot back gruffly. “I have your new assignment.”

“Finally,” Kat mumbled under her breath while looking between her friends curiously. “Please tell me it involves a beach in Hawaii or California at least, my tan is faltering given that extended period at the peak of Alaskan Winter.”

“I’m so glad your tan trumps work, I’ll be sure to put that on my next evaluation report, Pierce.” He informed them curtly before continuing. “You’ll need to be on the first plane to France tomorrow, your flights and accommodation have already been arranged. Further instructions will be forthcoming when you arrive but I’m happy to report that the Monte Carlo Beach Club will be happy to accommodate your tanning needs, Pierce.”

Caroline looked between her friends curiously. Not only were they going to beautiful beaches in France but it was official, they’d made it to the international leagues and couldn’t be happier with their progress so soon up the ranks. They stifled their excitement, knowing it would be extremely uncool to Enzo if they squealed right now given they were hardened CIA operatives.      

“What? No high pitched girly screams? Given the look on your respective faces I’d conclude that you’re pretending to be cool.”

“Pervert,” Kat murmured.

“As always this conversation has been a pleasure, angels,” he chuckled, his throaty laugh coming alive through the intercom before disconnecting.  

“What was that, Kat?” Bonnie insisted. “We already know he can see us.”

“I like to throw him a little bone now and then,” she said confidently. “Then his defenses are down and we can get those extra tidbits of information.”

“Like?” Caroline asked curiously.

“Now I know exactly which bikinis to pack given the destination,” she smiled mischievously before making her way towards the exit her hips swinging exaggeratedly as she did it.

Hotel de Paris, Monte-Carlo, Ambassador’s Suite

“I did not sign up for this bullshit,” Katherine huffed, her pacing back and forth against the impressive harbor backdrop from the large window quickening so much she was almost a blur.

The excitement about their current and surprisingly international mission had dampened quickly upon learning what exactly was required. Learning they were working in tandem with MI6 wasn’t wholly unexpected but their undercover roles had been tough to swallow. Not to mention the agents they had to work with. Their reputation was legendary but it didn’t mean they were happy.

The Mikaelson Men. And yes, that was their nickname world wide. Three brothers all extremely accomplished and gorgeous but also arrogant and lethal at the same time.

“Neither did I, but I’m not exactly sure what we can do about it now,” Caroline interjected. “Enzo might be a pussycat but we’re at the whim of the US Government don’t forget.”

“Way to ruin the mood, Care,” she muttered, her pacing finally coming to a complete stop, albeit reluctantly given her exasperated expression.

“Look, the last thing I want to pretend is to be one of their pathetic girlfriends but I happen to like being in employment and paid accordingly.” Given Bonnie’s meagre upbringings, they weren’t surprised at those comments. “In fact there’s nothing more I love than a challenge, Kol Mikaelson won’t know what hit him after the week’s out.”

Kat and Caroline were fairly certain she was right. “After all, it’s only acting and given our impeccable skills, it will be a walk in the park along with that tan you’re after.”

“You might have a point. I kind of like the concept of messing with the smug Mikaelsons, especially that one in the suit, consider it our greatest triumph yet, ladies.”

They parted ways at that point to prepare for their debut at the beach club, Caroline closing the bathroom door to inspect her appearance critically. Her golden waves cascaded halfway down her back, her blue eyes even more pronounced from the brief but intense exposure to the sunlight since their earlier arrival. The gold bikini which barely contained her creamy curves was perfect for the mission, especially paired with the transparent, white kaftan over it.

She’d chosen to conceal her connection with the Mikaelsons for operational reasons. The last thing she needed was any untoward emotional entanglements to rear their ugly head mid assignment. She steeled her nerves, knowing she needed to act better than she ever had in order to keep their past exactly where it needed to be. In the past.    

Monte Carlo Beach Club

Caroline didn’t flinch, just approached him on the beach purposefully beneath her floppy hat. They were mere inches apart before his crimson lips found hers greedily and his tongue tested the barrier before slipping in slowly and dipping into her warmth. A multitude of memories flooded back, so too the tingling between her legs as his mouth ravaged hers. Bastard. She resisted the urge to knee him roughly as deserved, deciding to shelve that particular reflex until they were alone.

They parted, but only a few inches, his blue eyes filled with the lust she knew all too well. Caroline had no intention of showing her true feelings, instead running her hand slowly down his bare chest. She could feel his breath hitch and was suddenly enjoying the power she exuded over him in the situation.

“What have I told you about not applying sunscreen every few hours, baby?” Caroline purred, her hands continuing their assault on his skin.

“I was waiting for you, love,” he murmured, pulling her onto his lap and grasping her hand possessively, allowing it to move further southward, grazing the tip of his cock. Caroline noted just how aroused he was before continuing their charade. “No one knows how to rub in the sunscreen just like you.”

“Unless you’re planning on sunning yourself naked, I think your ‘little boy’ is well taken care of,” she teased, noting the way his face fell briefly when she used that term.  

“Do I need to punish you with my ‘little boy’ in front of everyone, sweetheart?” His words came out in short, sharp bursts as he threatened to penetrate her in public view. Caroline knew from experience he’d actually do it if provoked.

A deep laugh interrupted, breaking their heated concentration. Their eyes briefly, and reluctantly, averted as he approached. Clothed in head to toe black, even given the extreme heat. Of course they both knew who he was and exactly what he was capable of doing.

“Young people these days,” he smirked knowingly. “Can I suggest we reconvene at the Casino tonight at my private table? Much less people frowning over public fornication, believe it or not. And I have to admit the way she puts you in your place is extremely arousing, Hayes.”

Caroline felt his finger nails penetrate her lower back, something he was known for during jealous fits. She couldn’t help but relish in that fact before agreeing to the night ahead. It was all part of their plan after all.

As childish as it sounded, she was equally as excited by catching the bad guy as she was playing mercilessly with the good one. Good being a relatively loose term when it came to Klaus Mikaelson.

What was going to happen next she wasn’t quite sure about but it certainly wasn’t going to be dull. That much she knew given their history.

Part Two HERE

[nofeartina]

I think a while ago you wrote something about a Notting Hill au, but that you were not going to write it? I just finished reading a book about a woman who owns a bookstore in Vienna and god!!! I can't stop thinking about that. Even would be the best bookstore owner he would have all this obscure sections and a great children's books collections and would be great at recommending stuff. That's it tbh. I just wanted to share that with someone. I love your fics!

Dear sweet anon. Thank you for sharing this with me (even though I’m amazed that you remembered..? xD). Because honestly?? I love this movie so much and it makes me cry-laugh every time I see it and it would just be the most perfect AU for Evak and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

BECAUSE IMAGINE THIS!

Even as The Travel Book Co. owner (although I do agree he would be awesome in a normal bookshop setting) who’s barely scraping by. He lives with his roommate Magnus who’s a total slob and doesn’t have an inkling of social skills.

And then one day, one fateful day, a beautiful man enters his shop in the most unassuming clothes and with a snapback so far down his face it’s almost impossible to see it. But there’s something about his build that makes Even look at him again from behind the counter, makes him ask, “Can I help you?”

It’s not until the man looks up at him that he realizes just why he seems familiar. It’s Isak Valtersen. The Isak Valtersen. One of the most famous actors on the planet right now. And he’s looking just as gorgeous and divine as he does on screen. And he’s standing in his bookshop.

(sorry – read more because this got long. As it does when I start going off… ;))

“No thanks, I’m just looking around,” Isak Valtersen says and Even can’t figure out what to do with himself now.

And so we know how the story goes, there’s another customer that comes in – yadda, yadda, yadda, BUT THEN!!!!

Even decides to close up early because what even was this day? The door is old and the lock sticks, but Even knows it by now, does this twist and jerk combo that works 9 out of 10 times but it tends to get the key sticking a bit, so he pulls at it violently until it sort of just suddenly lets go, making him spin around straight into a solid wall of a body.

“Oof!” Even grunts.

“Oh Jesus.” Comes the response.

Even steps back ungracefully, feels how his entire front is soaking through with cold orange juice, slowly starting to drip down his pants, and he looks up to find Isak Valtersen standing in front of him, former white t-shirt now orange with juice as well, so wet that it’s dripping.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Even says, patting his pockets to see if he has any paper he can help Isak clean up with.

“That’s alright, I’ll just…” Isak replies but he looks down at himself and glances at the mess that is Even’s shirt and before he can say anything else Even just blurts it out.

“I have a t-shirt you can borrow if you want. I live just across the street.” And he sincerely hopes it doesn’t come off as creepy as he suspects it does because it’s a genuine offer.

Isak seems to see it on him because he asks, “How close is just across the street?”

Even turns and points to a bright blue building that’s quite literally across the street.

“You can get cleaned up so we can get you back out onto the streets in no time. In a totally no prostitute kind of way,” Even says, cursing his own uncoolness on the inside.

Isak squints at him, before he quickly scans their surroundings, probably seeing how the streets are getting busy with people now, and he glances at the house before he looks at Even and nods.

Even lets out a relieved sigh, letting out air he didn’t even realize he was keeping in.

“Okay, brilliant.”

When he unlocks the door and opens it he’s met with the horrifying sight of his hallway a complete mess of jackets and shoes, and he swallows nervously as he starts apologizing.

“Uhm. It’s not quite as clean as it normally is, we, that is my roommate and I, were a bit busy this morning,” which is a blatant lie, this is the normal state of the apartment, it might even be a little bit tidier than usual. But he’s never telling Isak Valtersen that.

As they enter Even surreptitiously kicks some shoes out of the way and quickly hangs up a couple of jackets.

“It’s fine,” Isak mutters behind him and Even is torn between looking back at Isak to just look at him. A movie star. In his home. But on the other hand, he’s afraid what kind of face Isak is surely making at the state of this place.  

The door closes behind Isak and Even finally turns to look at Isak who’s now staring a framed photo of Even with the rest of his family.

“Right. I’ll just get you something to change into.” Even almost runs to his room, frantically rummaging through his clothes for something clean, but luck would have it that there’s almost nothing clean left. He should’ve done the laundry days ago, and he himself has been wearing the same shirt for three days now, but he does manage to find a clean pair of sweatpants and then he takes the liberty to pop into Magnus’ room for a second to find a clean t-shirt there. He’s not happy with the lone clean t-shirt that’s left in Magnus’ closet, but it’ll have to do.

Isak is standing in their living room by the time he comes out of Magnus’ room and he hands him the clothes.

“Here, the bathroom is just down the hall, to your right.”

Isak smiles a small smile and Even almost melts at the sight. Isak’s taken off his cap and his hair is so bouncy and curly and his eyes are so green that Even almost can’t stand it.

“Thank you,” Isak says and disappears into the bathroom.

Even uses the time he’s out there wisely, rushes through picking up clothes and throwing them into his room, which he then closes the door to, and his eyes widen in horror when he reaches the kitchen.

Fuck. It’s such a mess. He throws some really dirty plates in a cupboard and scoops a handful of dirty mugs into the sink and then he hears the door to the bathroom open.

Isak appears in the door to the kitchen, wearing Even’s old washed-out sweatpants and a t-shirt with lots of hearts saying You’re the most beautiful woman in the world which would be lovely if not for the Fancy a fuck Even knows is on the back. Once more he curses the universe for his uncoolness. Why couldn’t this happen on a day where they had just done the laundry and had one of those spontaneous Why is everything so disgusting in here? We should clean it up-days that they have once in a while (or once a year if he’s being honest).

He postpones his inevitable break-down by opening the fridge and as he looks through it he asks, “Would you like something to drink? Some beer or soda? Or orange juice?” he pops his head out of the fridge to add, “no better not that one.”

And Isak smiles at him, a real smile, a bit bigger this time and oh. Even wants him to smile all the time now.

“Are you hungry instead?” he asks and pulls out the only thing eatable from the fridge. He looks at it as he’s talking. “We have some… apricots, soaked in honey?” he glances at Isak who just shakes his head and Even couldn’t keep all the words inside of him even if he tried it seems. He rambles on, “No, I wouldn’t recommend it either. I don’t even know why we have these because really, they stop tasting like apricots and just taste like honey. And if you wanted honey, you would just eat honey, you know? Instead of apricots. But anyway. If you want them, they’re your’s.”

And he’s almost out of breath from saying all that, but it keeps the smile on Isak’s face and even though he just answers no again, it makes Even want to keep talking.

“Do you always answer no to every question?”

It makes Isak’s smile widen even more, and he pauses a bit before he answers, “No.”

Even laughs. He can’t help it, this is just too surreal. “Alright then.”

And then there’s the awkward shuffle of getting them back into the hallway and them trying to say goodbye to each other. Imagine all that tension with them crammed into the small hallway, the way Isak keeps looking at Even’s lips until he finally leans in and plants a small, almost innocent kiss on them, and Even almost can’t breathe from it.

He touches his lips in wonder, can’t help but ask, “What was that for?”

Isak shrugs, one hand still on the door handle, but before he can answer the door opens violently, making Isak stumble a bit from the force of it, and Magnus rushes through them, a flurry of blond hair and colorful clothes, and he takes off his jacket and toes off his shoes while he walks down the hall, talking without even paying them any attention.

“I just have to piss real quick,” Magnus says in a much too loud voice for the small hallway, “and then I’m going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrivel up to the size of raisins.” 

The bathroom door slams behind him and Even just have time to think that he at least closed the door this time before he turns to Isak in horror.

Isak has a wide-eyed half-smiling look on his face, like he’s not sure what just happened and yes. Even can relate.

“My roommate, Magnus,” he says pointing over his shoulder in Magnus’ general direction, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him hole. He’s still reeling from the kiss and how the world is all backward today.

“I have to go,” Isak says, but he sounds almost sorry and Even just wants him to stay.

“Right. It’s been surreal, but nice,” Even says, closing his eyes to how stupid that sounded but he can hear Isak snort at it.

“Surreal but nice?” he asks in a teasing tone and Even just wants to kiss him all over again.

“Yes. Sorry about that. I don’t always… mouth, brain, you know.” And he has to take a deep breath to not die of mortification.

“Don’t worry about it,” Isak says with that damn delicious smile still playing on his lips. “I thought the honey-soaked apricot thing was the real low point.”

It punches a surprised laugh out of Even. “Right, yes. That.”

Isak reaches for the door handle again. “Goodbye Even,” he says and then he starts to open the door and Even knows that he’ll probably never see him again.

But there are just no words in him to keep Isak there anymore it seems, so he returns the goodbye and watches as he walks out the door, watches him walk down the street, out of his life.

It’s not until Magnus comes out of the bathroom, pants still open saying, “Wait. Was that Isak Valtersen?” that he closes the door behind him and turns to face Magnus with an eye-roll.

------

WOWSIE!!!! This got so long, though?

Look what you made me do anon!!!

Why do I always do this??? I keep telling myself that if I wrote this AU it would be a small one-shot of maybe 8k words. Honestly, I don’t even know who I’m trying to kid anymore. Because it would get so long, and even though I really want to write it, there are so much other stuff that I want to write too. (and I know that there’s another Notting Hill AU coming out soon and I still don’t want to step on anybody’s toes)

No, but seriously, thank you for letting me play in this verse a bit anon (and for paying attention!). It’s been so much fun and I really, really loved it! I hope you enjoyed it too… :D :D

[insomniac-arrest]

Kissing the Pacific

story based off of @rasec-wizzlbang ‘s post here

summary: Josh is kind of still in school and mostly trying to make it as a nothing beach bum in Honolulu, he thought his first love was the waves and the second costco free samples- then he’s challenged to a fight at sundown during surf competition season

It doesn’t end how he expects.

tl:dr- an Australian and Californian surfer fall in love

The sun was going down next to a rising bonfire and down on the choppy surf, the water blazed against the paradise view and Josh can only put his hands up loosely.

“Look, man, I have like 68 cents in change and like, I totally don’t know how to convert that,” Josh reached for his empty pockets and realized they were just swim shorts with holes in them, “sorry dude.” The other surfer had sun speckled skin and a good couple inches on him, he squared his shoulders, “I said, pound-town.” He emphasized with his fists up, “not pounds. Square up derro.”

Josh threaded his fingers through his hair and pushed his bangs back, “okay, cool cool, fighting. I thought you wanted money.” Lucas, the guy who came in third at the tournament yesterday was widening his stance and Josh was looking past the palm trees to the little series of houses lighting up one by one.

“Oi, come on, eyes forward, I’m about to take the piss out of you.” He pushed on his shoulder roughly and Josh’s mouth fell open. “We’ll do it fair.”

“I’m sure,” He raised his hands higher, “but we could like get an interventionist or like, I think I could find a stick to talk with? I didn’t even medal today soooo I don’t see…the issue?” He rubbed the back of his neck and more hair fell out of his pony tail.

“Don’t give me that yank, I heard loud and clear you were aiming for a lick, well I’m here.” His nostrils flared and Josh raised his eyebrows.

“Who said I want to lick what?”

Lucas leaned back a little, “they said you thought I was an arse with a bad taste in guys. Said you wanted to square up.”

“Uh,” Josh looked at his broad chest and scuffed his feet in the sand, “I guess we could fight if you want, but no ankle shots, I gotta ride on these bad boys.” Lucas raised both eyebrows and put his fists down, “you really didn’t call my sister a slag?” Josh frowned, “I don’t think I even know what that is.” Lucas let out a full-bellied laugh and slapped him on the back, “I see, Debby is a fuckin’ liar, you don’t seem like the fighting type then.” Josh was feeling slight whiplash, but it wasn’t as bad as when he took the Route 27 home at rush hour so that was fair, “oh damn, no way. Do you know how many fights I can afford? I can’t even afford normal beef right now.” Lucas gave another delighted laugh.

“You aren’t bad yank.” “Yank?” He snorts, “I’m from California.”

He smiles back at him, “Let me buy you a drink, no hard feelings.” Josh lifts his chin, “Righteous.”

Lucas pushed him by the shoulders to the nearest bar, “you see those 10 footers today?” “That is why I come down here, oh man.” He passes some girls in grass skirts and a series of five open-roof jeeps. Lucas pats him roughly on the back again, “come out with me tomorrow morning.” Josh shifted from foot to foot, “right on. Sun rises at 6 here, we can get out before then.” They enter the open-air pub, “if you can get up tomorrow at 6 after you drink with me mate, then I’ll buy you rounds for the whole week.” Josh turned around with a lopsided grin, “don’t think I’m not going to keep up guy. Sons of Cali go hard too.” Lucas just gave him a sideways look, “oh ho ho, well I guess we’ll see.” He taps on the wood of the bar surface.

“Yeah,” he tied his hair back properly again, “I rushed with beta phi.” Lucas shook his head, “I’ll pay you five bucks when you regret this.” He rolled his eyes and Lucas bought him his first locally brewed Hawaiian lager, it was like Freshman rush but he couldn’t look at the dude’s face too much. He didn’t like being blinded much and couldn’t do much but take another drink from the guy. He laughs about something he doesn’t remember until it hurts and sips down more rounds than he could properly count.

“To the waves,” Josh cheers at his tenth drink and having Lucas hold him up.

“To gangly pacifist sons of Cali,” Lucas winks down, “and not puking on my shoes.”

Josh shook his head, “to us then man.” They push back another, he’d run with the best of them.

——–

Josh thinks his hangover has a hangover.

He barely remembers the walk over as he staggers through the empty streets to Lucas’s hotel at the crack of dawn. Maybe he couldn’t feel his teeth and had twelve mysterious bruises, but some things like spite and proving a point came first. A painful first.

He stumbles to the motel front desk and asks for Lucas Lee three times with varying degrees of success. She manages to ring the room, but the place seemed to be empty.

The other surfer comes down a second later with two coffees and the look of someone who had showered and maintained a proper amount of stubble from the day before. Josh just groans.

“What’s shaking gorgeous.”

“A lot of Advil,” he tries to chuckle.

“I’ll be honest, didn’t think I’d see you today mate.” He hands him the other coffee, “knew you were a true surfer.” Josh just rubs at his eyes, “you bet your down under ass I am.” He sways in place, “you owe me another round tonight that means.” Lucas cajole’s him toward the door, “how ‘bout a round of waters this time. And get some food in you.” He agrees fully. Josh isn’t entirely sure how they make it to the beach, but Lucas tells him stories about his roommate doing keg stands and his head clears up a little bit. The surf is like a beautiful quilted cup of blue when they arrive, a mesh of fading and arriving colors, Josh almost cries when he sees it.

Then he lies down in the sand and presses his palms to his eye sockets, “Ugh.” Lucas snickers at him and they let another group of surfers go on ahead of them.

Josh briefly squints open his eyes, Lucas was already shirtless and in a pair of professional wet shorts. “Go on,” Josh waves weakly, “I’m a dead man crawling. I think I owe you five bucks or something.” Lucas nudges him, “nah, deal was I owe you five bucks for regret and being cocky.” He sits down next to him, “cute cocky, no worries.” “Gross cocky now.” He taps him with his foot, “I’ll take you on the water when you feel a little better.” He makes him drink water and tells him about the coral reefs in Sydney, the undertow and eels he caught, the bleaching of the flora and the second year of his enviro major.

Josh briefly talks about his finance classes before making a gagging motion and Lucas laughs with the sun.

The waves are calm that day, shallow and easy, Lucas just lets him straddle his board and push off into the deep sea. They just float for the day, talking and leaning back on the one long board.

He drags his feet through the water and lets the spray wash his face, they float.

———

“So, it was drinks for the week, right?” Josh says the next day with his shades on and better cologne on then ‘the morning after rank,’ “‘cause I wasn’t kidding about that 68 cents thing dude.” Lucas leans back on the wall of the breakfast nook they met at, “how are you even surviving here? Honolulu isn’t known for being cheap.” Josh had been floating around Honolulu for a month now.

Josh taps the side of his nose, “Let’s just say I play a mean street guitar.”

Lucas leans forward and chuckles, “of course you do.” “Hey man, I totally do!” He shows him his almost-just-as-good air guitar moves.

“No, I mean, I’d like to see that.” Lucas was smiling a 100-watt environmentally friendly solar panel powered smile and Josh has to look at his feet and scratch his hand.

“K, right, cool.” He runs to get his guitar.

He unironically plays Wonderwall and gets a couple extra bucks from the corner store lesbian couple when he plays All You Need is Love followed by I Want to Hold Your Hand. He may or may not look Lucas in the eye when he hesitantly glances up.

He gets another dollar.

He’d done more embarrassing things for less money, but the Beatles were coming through for him again.

———-

It was a fast two weeks, a week of impromptu challenges and soccer games, of beach sand castles and hanging out until dawn.

It was a quick two weeks.

Lucas was apparently leaving on the 25th, Josh had a pretty poor sense of time and a second tournament to finish up. He finally medals that day, but he wasn’t really here for the gold, he was here to go with the flow and maybe catch a ten footer.

And now maybe something else.

Josh shouldn’t feel like he was getting his first wipe out on a beautiful day, with his stomach twisting and a sense of bruising on the inside like a soft peach, it was pretty uncool.

He would take out another joint and try to quiet the humming but his dealer had cut him off until he agreed to play halo with him like he promised (“you’re spending all your time with that Aussie flake”).

Maybe he’d switch to vaping.

The 25th crept up like a bad dream and Josh actually remembered to plug his phone in the night before so he could text as much as possible the next day. He was doing one more ‘Sunshine Hawaii’ friendly competition and then Lucas had his own tournament. Josh runs down half the island it feels like to get there.

“Lame, lame, lame,” he stubs his toe on the way and skids past five and a half flustered looking tourists as he sprints toward Waimea beach.

He makes it in time to see Lucas do you a bottom turn and a spectacular roundhouse cutback, the water under his board parting in a clean blitz as he hit the lip of the wave. “Woo!”

Josh ran down the beach and gave him a thumbs up before he even finishes the foam climb and eases back down.

“Damn Lucas, damn!” He bounces on his heels and wishes for once his best shirt wasn’t a faded coca cola tee. He bounces again, Lucas was coming in.

There is a scratching of pens at a table nearby and Josh isn’t even looking, he never really did anyway.

Lucas waves both hands as he paddles back in, “Pretty good, right?” He mouths.

“Fuckin’ sweet!” He shouts and doesn’t care at the crowd flashing him bent looks.

Lucas came in at the next tide and Josh expected him to go give a play-nice smile to the judges, he makes a beeline toward him instead.

“Man, I am totally going to miss you when you go dude,” Josh cups his mouth and yells, “I want to see that like ten more times.”

Lucas was fast walking, “don’t remind me I’m leaving.” He calls back loudly.

“Nah, you’re leaving man,” he says with a slight dip in his stomach, “but like, on a high note, can’t believe-” “Not yet,” Lucas grabs Josh’s shoulders, “you run all the way here from Waimea?”

He just pulls his hair back and grins, “yeah.”

“Good Lord,” He blinks, “is that a ‘kiss me now’ gesture or should I just think guys from Cali are crazy.”

“Yeah.”

Lucas leans forward tentatively and Josh upswings into a solid kiss, crowd be damned and sexuality be wavy at best.

It tastes like salt and feels like a gliding through the barrel on a board, which is exactly how he wanted all his kisses to taste and every high to feel like. It melts like a sunset and dawns in his belly like a sweet starburst, the whole world is slow and he didn’t want to be anywhere else.

He could live in that moment and not time zones or countries ever again.

They come up with a visiting schedule and download the Avocado couples app.

[thefinalcinderella]

DIVE!! Book 1 Chapter 1-DIVE TO BLUE

Here’s Chapter 1! Not sure if I should split these chapters up, since they’re quite long, but I’m not sure how to split them, so if you want me to split them up, then leave a comment!

Full list of translations here.

Previously on DIVE!!: A woman secretly watches a teenage boy dive into the ocean in winter. 

The platform overlooked the restless blue. Whenever Tomoki stood at the tip of the concrete that jutted out from the diving platform, he was always hit by a deep sense of regret. Darn it, he thought. How could I be so careless that I just keep coming back here again and again?

A flight from a height of ten meters.

A dive at sixty kilometers per hour.

A mere 1.4 seconds of an aerial performance.

It really is quite ridiculous to somersault, twist the body, and get into a water entry position in such a short instance, all the while enduring that speed from that height.

Tomoki caught a glimpse of his feet, with his heels at the front of the platform and his cramped, rounded toes in the air. Don’t look down. Don’t think about it. If you hesitate, your feet won’t budge after that no matter what. Even though he knew this, Tomoki was still occasionally possessed by the “hesitation sickness”.

The diving pool shimmered from the setting sun shining through the window.

The transparent undulations of the water were like countless whorls of hair, entangled together.

A mysterious, elusive world of water awaited Tomoki far, far below.

When people learned that he was a diver, everyone always asked, “Aren’t you afraid?”. However, most people were thinking about the height of the diving platform, not the actual horrors hiding beneath it.

Water. That eerie liquid that never stayed still for even a moment. If you plunge into it at sixty kilometers per hour, the resistance created would be more similar to that of thin ice than water. If he succeeded in entering the water, Tomoki would feel the pleasurable sensation of diving into thin ice. Water always greeted a successful person warmly, so its welcome would feel like being wrapped in a soft gel.

But what if he failed? The water would then strike at his body without mercy. The impact will far greater than what someone watching would imagine it to be. Violent and dizzying blows to the consciousness, accompanied by nauseating pain, and it only gets worse when the whole body is paralyzed and sinks to the bottom of the water. Tomoki had actually fainted and almost drowned several times during practice, and had to be saved by his coach and teammates.

“Hey, Tomo, what are you looking at! Are there fish in the pool?” Coach Fujitani’s voice flew up from the poolside.

I must not look. Tomoki quickly glanced away from the water. He slowly turned his head back to look at Reiji and Ryou, who were waiting their turn on the diving platform’s staircase.

He resigned himself and faced the water, taking a deep breath. If he had been alone here, he would have turned back to the staircase dejectedly with the excuse that he was in terrible form today.  But doing that in front of his teammates would be way too uncool, and most importantly, Coach Fujitani would never forgive him.

Tomoki stopped looking down and stared straight ahead instead. Focus on your lower body, concentrate harder, and plan out everything you do from now on with your head.

The forward reverse 1½ somersault in tuck position.

The success rate of the move isn’t bad. It’ll be all right. It’ll go okay for sure. While talking to himself, he spread both of his hands, as he bent his knees rhythmically to apply momentum, and jumped high—

Tomoki’s body was stationary at a certain point as he flew in midair, tracing a small circle backwards as he plunged down. In the next moment, when his fingertips that were joined together at the top of his head touched the water, Tomoki’s body was slightly angled as he submerged into it, causing a huge splash to go up.

The angle of entry was too shallow. His palm, which struck the water in a strange way, became numb. Nevertheless, in the water that bubbled up from his dive, as usual, Tomoki felt that indescribably comfortable feeling,

The sense of accomplishment from overcoming his fear, and the feeling of being relieved from tension.

And, the exhilaration of being in the water, not knowing whether it was friend or foe.

As he got out of the pool, he received some directions from Coach Fujitani for his performance just now.

“Your takeoff (1) is too half-hearted.”

“You’re straining your shoulder.”

“Your performance ends when your toes enter the water. Don’t lose focus until it’s all over.”

After nodding towards (2) each direction, Tomoki unsteadily walked toward the platform again. He could only see white, his skin still felt the sensation of being in water, and his feet felt light as he ascended the platform’s stairs, feeling a bit tired and strangely euphoric.

Maybe, just for a moment.

Something seized in those 1.4 seconds.

For the sake of making that pleasure his own, and more certain.

As if Tomoki was chasing some sort of rare animal, he set his sights on the platform, far above.

And indeed, as he set both feet on the edge once more…damn it, how did I so carelessly come to this place again…he was once again hit by an incorrigibly deep sense of regret.

“Tomo, you were frozen up there earlier.”

“He didn’t dive all that easily either. I was watching from behind and he looked pretty scared.”

During their break, as soon as they jumped into the Jacuzzi bath to warm themselves up, Reiji and Ryou both burst out talking as if they had beenwaiting for this moment.

“Sorry…I was stuck in a weird state of mind. It happens sometimes, and I’m not sure why I can’t dive.” Tomoki said.

Reiji nodded vigorously.

“Don’t worry, I get it. Something like ‘Even though I was able to dive yesterday and today, I might not be able to dive tomorrow’, right?”

“I just kept thinking about what will happen if I make a mistake in that situation. It doesn’t seem to be very good to imagine on the platform.”

“Imagination is the enemy!” Ryou said in a strange tone of voice.

“What, were you trying to copy Coach Nakanishi?”

“Yeah, he says that all the time. He says that when you’re on the platform, you should throw your imagination away, and become a rubber ball that can only bounce.”

“But Coach Fujitani doesn’t agree with that. He says to pretend you’re a bird, and then to immediately pretend you’re a fish. The most important thing is your mind’s performance, or something like that.”

“So, those two don’t agree with each other. Maybe that’s why Coach Nakanishi quit…” Tomoki’s voice sank.

“Coach Nakanishi didn’t quit because of his relationship with Coach Fujitani. It’s because our club’s going under soon, so he’s just moving to a more secure place.” Reiji replied, his voice sinking as well.

A silence dwelled between the three of them. Even though this topic depressed them every time they talked about it, they always ended up coming back to it, despite whatever they were talking about before.

“It really is just that. Out there, there’s clubs that have more famous, stronger divers, and have monthly salaries that are better than ours…”

“That’s not it…” Tomoki interrupted Ryou. “Coach Nakanishi didn’t transfer just for money, or fame.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, okay. We’ll leave it like that then.”

Hearing Ryou’s humouring tone, Tomoki was embarrassed at how childish he sounded, but he still didn’t want to hear about how Coach Nakanishi transferred from the club for money.

Tomoki, Reiji, and Ryou. The three of them were enrolled in the Mizuki Diving Club (MDC), which was directly managed by the major sports manufacturer Mizuki. There were rumors that the club was in deficit management and that its survival was in danger. Its divers included twenty-six elementary school students, seven middle school students, and one high school student. Twenty-six to seven to one. This ratio spoke to everybody about how difficult it is to continue diving as it is.

Diving was that kind of sport. It’s scary, painful, cold, and filled with constant suffering. Most people couldn’t put up with it and ended up quitting. Because of that, a good diver was hard to train, the competitions weren’t very lively, and it only got modest coverage on TV and in the newspapers, always overshadowed by the showier swimming races.

Of course, the reason for the downturn wasn’t just limited to the divers. There was a chronic shortage of coaches in the Japanese diving world. Even if a child with the physical aptitude and determination appeared, there weren’t many institutions that could nurture that talent in the current Japan.

That’s why six years ago the president of Mizuki made the bold first step to overcome this situation by establishing the MDC. The president being a former diver, he was especially enthusiastic about the development of the Japanese diving world, and set out to nurture the diver who would be responsible for the future of the diving world, at the risk of a large deficit. It was a wonderful aspiration.

However, he died. His hepatitis worsened, and the curtain was closed on his life in mid-January of this year.

Since then, the MDC that was left behind became a mere nuisance to Mizuki, and it shifted to become a more general swimming club. But there were constant rumors that it was going to be closed, and recently, those mere rumors seemed to be supported when one of the three coaches got poached by a Kansai diving club. Tomoki was doubly shocked when he learned that he’d been abandoned by his trusted coach, and that the MDC had been cornered to that extent.

“I also believe in Coach Nakanishi. It can’t be helped when your livelihood is on the line. It is a recession, after all.” Reiji said, like he was trying to wave away the humidity in the bathroom. “Besides, if the MDC survives without shutting down, Coach Nakanishi might come back.”

Tomoki was saved by that voice, but Ryou responded with an “Is that so”.

“I don’t think we’ll survive. But I know where Reiji’s confidence is coming from.”

“Youichi-kun.”

“Youichi-kun?”

“Our club has Youichi-kun. If he continues to be active in our club and help improve Mizuki’s image, won’t the executives regret it when they shut us down? That was what he was saying.”

“He said it himself?”

“From himself.”

“…Youichi-kun saying such a thing is so amazing.”

The three gave a big sigh at the same time as they relaxed.

“Well, it’s true that Youichi-kun is a huge asset to have, the problem is whether we can wait until then.”

When they returned to the pool while listening to Ryou’s cooled voice, Youichi had just climbed up the steps of the diving platform.

The twenty-five square-meter diving pool was filled to the brim with water. The Eidai-affiliated (3) Sakuragi High School Diving Club had appeared out of nowhere around the pool. Even at the one-meter springboard backing the window that reflected Akebono Bay, there was some university club already beginning water entry practice.

In the winter, when the outdoor pools couldn’t be used, all the divers scattered around Tokyo gathered around Akebono Bay like this—whether they want to or not. This was because the Tokyo Tatsumi International Swimming Center was the only facility in Tokyo that had an indoor diving pool.

“Fujitani-kun, for this one, try diving from the seven-meter (4) this time.” The advisor of the Sakuragi High School Diving Club, Coach Abe, called up to Youichi, who was on the ten-meter platform, from the poolside.

“Ok.”

Youichi nodded and went down to the 7.5-meter platform.

That was Youichi: MDC’s ace, Coach Fujitani’s son, and also a first-year student at Sakuragi High School. Just as divers in the Tokyo suburbs flocked to Akebono Bay, many high school students who intended to dive were enrolled at Sakuragi High. It was the only high school to have their own diving pool right on the premises.

Even if the MDC closed down, Youichi-kun would be fine because he could still dive at Sakuragi High.

Pushing those jealous thoughts out of his head, Tomoki looked up at Youichi on the platform.

Top divers attracted people from the moment they stood on the platform. You could understand the meaning of that phrase when you watch Youichi. His toned body. His stock-still posture. His sharp gaze. You wanted to find out how he was going to perform, and how much was he imposing on himself. Just the height of his will stood upright and was transmitted acutely. (?) Finally, Youichi’s knees stretched like springs, launching his body high into the air.

A backwards 2½ somersault in pike position.

How does he dive like that? Tomoki’s thoughts, as always, succumbed to both excitement and despair. How does he pull off a move like that so perfectly, and make it look so easy?

Youichi’s dive was beautiful. There was not a single disruption along the line of his body as he flew in the air. He boasted a track record of being the middle school champion for three consecutive years, and now, even though he’s just a first-year in high school, he was already looked at as the most promising athlete at Inter-High, and whenever Tomoki watched his polished performances, the words “talent”, “pedigree” and “DNA” came into his mind.

He was a thoroughbred; Coach Fujitani was a former Olympic diver, and his mother was considered the Madonna of the diving world.

“My dad used to be a gymnast, but the highest level he got to was prefectural meets in high school. He’s a hack compared to Youichi-kun.” Ryou said next to him, probably thinking something similar.

“My parents used to brag that they were really athletic when they were younger, but the Fujitani family is on a completely different level from them.” Reiji chimed in from the other side.

“Both of my folks aren’t athletic, but they’re always asking me to do a lot.” Sachiya’s voice came from the other side.

“Sacchin?” Tomoki and the others all turned toward the owner of the voice at the same time.

“Hey, you. When did you get here?”

“A while ago.”

“Where?”

“Where I’m always at.”

“From the Moms’ Synchro class?”

Sachiya dropped his eyebrows and responded with a “Yeah” to the three’s stunned expressions.

“Today, another mom joined. She was completely new to this, so she was always a beat off from everyone else. Her breathing was still not good. It seemed like she was going to hold everyone else back a lot if this continued, and I’m worried that there will be fighting with the leader mom with the hook nose from now on.”

Sachiya was talking and smiling happily. He was a sixth-grader, one year younger than Tomoki and the others. Although he was in the MDC, he hated diving. Even the three-meter platform was too scary for him, and whenever he had a chance he’d always sneak away to watch the relationship dramas of the synchronized swimming class being conducted in the next subpool over.

“If you don’t get rid of that hobby of yours soon, you’ll be found out by the coach.”

Sachiya completely ignored Ryou’s advice.

“I found out something about Coach Fujitani.”

“Eh. What about him?”

“With that angry face, you’ll be able see it better if you’re on the ten-meter platform. Didn’t you see it?”

“I didn’t see it.”

“Me neither.”

“I didn’t see it, but…”

While saying that, the trio’s feet turned to face the ten-meter platform despite themselves.

Sachiya then recalled something, and said, “That’s right.”

“So, I got a message from Coach Fujitani. He had urgent business so he had to go back home. He said if you still want to practice, you can follow Coach Ooshima’s instructions for the time being.”

“Urgent business? I wonder what it is that made Coach Fujitani leave in the middle of practice.”

“Don’t know, but I saw him with a pretty lady.”

“Pretty lady?” The three of them looked all around, but saw no sign of a pretty lady.

“Coach Fujitani’s on a date with her.”

“A lady more important than us?”

“Hey, are you still on that?”

This scandal involving someone so familiar to them quickly overshadowed Youichi’s wonderful performance and the MDC’s crisis.

All four of them ran to the locker room, while looking around uneasily.

“There.”

They changed their clothes quickly while drying their wet hair. When the four of them got out of the locker room, Coach Fujitani was still in the lobby, in front of the reception desk. Sure enough, he was with a young woman. But it wasn’t just the two of them.

Next to Coach Fujitani—who was, as usual, wearing plain clothes and looked nothing like a former Olympic athlete—there was a middle-aged man dressed in a suit who looked very out of place at a public pool.

“Hey, maybe it’s a love triangle.”

“A complicated love-hate relationship?”

As they spied on them from the shadow of a pillar, Sachiya, who was behind them, made an “ah” sound as if he realized something.

“That guy, he works for Mizuki. He visited here before. He seemed to get bored of diving quickly, so he watched the Moms’ Synchro class with me,”

“What a terrible employee.”

Hearing that, the woman who stood talking to Coach Fujitani turned around.

From between long, loose, wavy hair, a pair of cat-like eyes glared at Tomoki. Those eyes look like they’d glow in the dark, Tomoki thought suddenly. Beautifully curved eyebrows. A straight nose. Thin lips. While every feature was well-balanced, it was only those bright eyes that threw everything off by standing out.

She must be in her mid-twenties. She was dressed in a gray pantsuit that was somewhat lustrous, and despite not being very tall, she was strangely intimidating. Tomoki couldn’t look away from her.

It was like he was being sized up. He couldn’t stop feeling on edge, and his throat went dry.

Indeed, she had been appraising him.

“Hey, what are you kids doing there?”

Coach Fujitani followed the woman’s gaze and noticed Tomoki and the others. He scowled at them, and the four of them dejectedly walked forward. “Are they your students?” asked the man in the suit, but he didn’t seem very interested.

“Ah, yes, they are, even though they are already in middle school they still act like little kids…”

“It appears that you don’t have much students above middle school, as usual.”

“No, no, I really do still have some, but when they become third years in middle school they’d have to take exams soon, so it really can’t be helped that they don’t show up sometimes. And it also can’t be helped for the girls, since if their friends weren’t coming then they won’t come either…”

Seeing Coach Fujitani smiling at and buttering up the man in the suit made Tomoki uncomfortable. He knew that if that guy was in a swimsuit instead of that stuffy suit, then Coach Fujitani would be way cooler than him. It really was annoying that most things in the world happened outside of the pool.

“After all, the parents don’t understand. No matter how much we concentrate our efforts, if the parents don’t cooperate, then this is exactly how it turns out…”

No one was listening to Coach Fujitani continuing his explanation. Sachiya, who was next to him, piped up innocently with a “Hey, hey, who’s that lady?”

“Hey, who are you pointing at? This is…” Coach Fujitani was about to introduce her, but she cut him off to do it herself.

“I’m Asaki Kayoko. I saw you all dive from the poolside earlier.”

Her cat-like eyes pierced through them, and even Reiji and Ryou, who were on both sides of Tomoki, turned to face him. It was very obvious that Kayoko was only looking at Tomoki.

“You, what’s your name?” Though her voice was low, it was a distinctive sound that resonated well.

Tomoki felt agitated, and answered nervously.

“Sakai Tomoki.”

“How long have you dived for?”

“Five years…and, a bit more.”

“What are the heights of your parents?”

“Eh?”

“How tall are your father and mother?”

“…Dad’s a hundred and sixty-eight centimeters. Mom’s about a hundred and fifty.”

“What kind of sports do both of them do?”

“Um, Dad plays baseball, soccer, ice hockey, water polo and judo. Mom did ballet until she hurt her ankle…”

“So, your body must be quite flexible? Say, have you ever been told you were double-jointed?”

“Double-jointed?”

“Something you’re born with. If someone’s double-jointed that means they are more flexible than most people. You must be. Also, your limbs are long, your shoulders are wider than your waist, and you have a small build. And what’s more…”

“Eh?”

“Oh well, it’s fine. I got it, somehow.”

After finishing her barrage of questions, Kayoko seemed to comprehend something on her own, and put on the coat that she carried on her arm. On the prompting of Coach Fujitani and the man in the suit, they walked briskly towards the exit.

“Hey.”

Tomoki suddenly called out to their backs.

“You, did you come here to destroy our club?”

It was the first time he ever addressed an older woman with “anta”(5). Even he was surprised he used it.

However, when Coach Fujitani was about to scold Tomoki for being rude, Kayoko held him back and replied to him calmly.

“I didn’t come here to destroy it. I came to protect it.”

Beneath the cloud-covered sky, the lights in the windows of the lined-up buildings seemed to make up artificial constellations, glowing from a distance and nearby. Whenever a car crossed the bridge, the fake constellations blurred in the river, becoming a second night sky.

The road after rush hour was smooth, and Ryou’s mom, who was driving the car that Tomoki and Ryou were riding in, was also in a good mood.

“It seems we’ll be able to arrive earlier. That really helped.” She murmured to no one in particular.

It looked like the reason for her good mood was because the practice ended earlier than usual today.

It was a one hour drive from Tatsumi to Setagaya. Since Tomoki and Ryou lived in the same ward, their mothers took turns picking them up and dropping them off. The Tatsumi Swimming Center was open to the public for about four days a week, so although they took turns, Tomoki thought that it must be difficult to take out the car each time. However, he didn’t think he’d have the energy to take the train to Tatsumi after school, practice for two hours, and then go home. Even on the days Tatsumi’s pool couldn’t be used, Tomoki was still assigned dryland training for basic physical strength building. Although he skipped it sometimes, if he did it properly, he’d never have to go there on holidays. Although, Coach Fujitani had said that diving was a sport that required a great amount of dedication.

Ryou was also tired, and he sat next to Tomoki quietly with his eyes shut. Ryou, who usually talked as loudly as possible, was silent only for tonight. Before Tomoki had entered the car, Ryou had said, “Isn’t it great? The pretty lady from Mizuki was pleased.” Tomoki remembered that his lips were twisted and how uneasy he sounded, and became dejected.

Thinking about that woman made him feel tense for some reason. He felt like something troublesome will start soon. He didn’t know whether he was looking forward to it or afraid of it. In an effort to calm himself down, he placed his hand on the car window, which was cold as ice from reflecting the night view of February, and his fingers, wrinkled from being in the pool, felt prickly. According to the mechanical voice of a woman from the radio, it might snow tomorrow.

Even when the car stopped in front of Tomoki’s house, Ryou didn’t open his eyes, which only seemed to prove that he was just faking being asleep, but he decided to play along and closed the door quietly.

“Wow, Tomo, you’re back early.”

While waiting for his mother to warm up the miso soup at the table, his younger brother Hiroya came down the stairs.

“Practice ended early today.”

“Oh, why?” Hearing Tomoki, his mother Megumi poked her face in from the kitchen.

“Don’t know. But because Mizuki’s employees came, they must be having a conference or something like that.”

“Must be serious, if Fujitani-sensei’s there too. Even though the only thing in his head is diving, now he’s also getting pulled into the company’s troubles.”

While saying those pitying words, Megumi brought over a bowl of miso soup with daikon and fried tofu.

Since he ate dinner before practice, no matter how hungry Tomoki was after he returns home, he was only going to get miso soup. Flab was a diver’s enemy. Even if only a little extra fat was gained, it’ll throw off his sense of rotation immediately.

“By the way, Miu called.” Hiroya told Tomoki, who had his chopsticks in the soup. It sounded like he had been finding the right time to say it. “She said she’ll call again, but if Tomo is feeling well then he’ll call her instead.”

“’Kay.”

“You should call her. She’s probably waiting for you.”

“’Kaaaaaay.”

Hiroya was his younger brother, but since he was born one year after him in March while Tomoki was born in April, they were in the same grade, even though they weren’t twins. They felt more like friends than brothers. It was a strange feeling for Tomoki, that Hiroya, who was his brother as well as one of his friends, and Miu, who was his girlfriend as well as his friend, were in the same class together.

“Well then, call her. Miu’s always waiting for you. It must be tough to go out with such a sports-nut.”

“Shut up, Hiro.”

“Anyways, if you guys do go out, it’d be better for you to be more like me than yourself. Miu’s pretty careless too.”

“Tell that to her.”

“I did.”

“What?”

Miu, what?

As soon as he tried to ask further, Hiroya grabbed the TV remote and turned away. Loud music boomed from the speakers, prompting Megumi to frown and tell him to turn it down. Megumi could distinguish between Tomoki and Hiroya just from the volume of the TV alone.

Tomoki finished his miso soup. Although he took the cordless phone in front of Hiroya and went upstairs to his room, he honestly didn’t feel like calling Miu.

There was only one reason. He had nothing to say to her.

“Tomo-kun, I’ve always liked you. If you want to, could I be your girlfriend?”

That was what Miu had said when she confessed to him last spring. It had taken place immediately following being sorted into classes at the beginning of middle school, when she had been separated into a different class, even though they were in the same class in sixth grade.

Before that, in mid-February he received chocolate from her, which got him teased by his friends that if he liked them then he should ask her to be his girlfriend. It had been the first time such corny words had been said to him, so Tomoki had been perplexed. He had just become a middle school student, so he still didn’t have a sense of reality for things like boy-girl relationships yet. Someday he’d also fall in love, and he’d snuggle with and kiss with his girlfriend, and he imagined he’d probably do even more with her. But since that would be far off into the future, he’d never considered the specifics of the process leading up to that. Like others, he also had desires, but for now he’s satisfied with just his dream.

Nevertheless, as to why he answered “Okay” to Miu’s confession without hesitating, Tomoki still had no idea.

Perhaps it was for a very cowardly reason. Maybe it was because he didn’t want the other girls to call him a bad guy for rejecting Miu (Poor Miu, Tomo-kun is awful!), or that he wanted to gloat over his friends who thought he was putting way too much into diving (What, Tomo got a girlfriend?), or maybe, he just really wanted a little bit of color in his life that was dedicated to diving (Even I can get a girlfriend or two…)

In truth, he started thinking about whether or not he could actually go out with Miu, right after they started dating. Even if you say dating, it was always Miu calling him and visiting his class during recess, her reminding him that they were in a special relationship.

Tomoki had no time. He was always busy with diving practice. He didn’t even know how to talk to girls, and first of all, he didn’t even know if he actually liked Miu that way.

He thought she was a cute girl. He certainly didn’t dislike her. But he never, not even once, felt like he wanted to see her right this moment, or that he wanted to hear her voice, or that he wanted to embrace her very much, or that he wanted to marry her, or that he wouldn’t allow her to ever cheat on him, or that he wanted three kids with her, or that he would protect her even if an earthquake happened.

He wondered if that was okay.

Despite his hesitation, he called Miu, not wanting to spend the rest of the night wondering when she would call him again.

“Hello?”

When Miu’s voice came after just one ring, Tomoki knew she had been waiting for him to call, and felt bummed out again.

“Tomo-kun?”

“Yeah. Um…sorry that I was late.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m happy. Tomo-kun, are you not tired from practice today?”

“Yeah, since practice ended early today.”

“Why?”

“Eh? Well…there’s a lot of reasons…”

“A lot.”

“Yeah.”

“Tomo-kun always has a lot of reasons, huh.”

“…”

“Ah, it’s fine, I’m sorry. I just wanted to hear Tomo-kun’s voice. Oh yeah, I went shopping with Hacchan today, and I found a really cute jellyfish doll, which looked like you somehow, so I bought it. Tomo-kun, would you like to see it?”

“Jellyfish doll…”

After going through many silences, by the time he hanged up five minutes later with a “Well, later”, Tomoki was tired enough to feel like he dived off the ten-meter platform a hundred times.

What do couples talk about so much, when they call each other everyday? Hiroya said I should flirt, but how the heck do I do that? I’m such an idiot, I can’t even do something like poking Miu’s forehead while laughing, Tomoki thought.

Even though it’s Miu, it wasn’t not easy to have fun with their phone calls.

While lying on his bed and thinking, self-hatred suddenly assailed him along with sleepiness.

I’m so boring, he thought. Everything about me is half-done. Even though I’m going out with Miu, I’m putting all my time and focus into diving, and even that was half-hearted in the end. If I put more effort into it seriously, I wouldn’t skip practice sometimes like I do now, and would have kept practicing even if Coach Fujitani wasn’t there. But I have no perseverance or enthusiasm for that. But, I can’t even imagine a life without diving, and if MDC is gone, I’d lose everything…and that scares me a lot.

A diving pool with a depth of five meters. Though it was always filled with a blue that was refreshing to the point of being artificial, as soon as he got out of the water the world stopped shining, and became a dull grey. In the midst of that grey, Tomoki felt as though he was living while having trouble breathing, like he needed to breathe with gills.

Losing the world of water would mean losing the freedom to breathe.

Thinking about the MDC’s future, Tomoki couldn’t help but be extremely anxious.

What were Coach Fujitani and the employees from Mizuki talking about today?

And then, there was that woman, Asaki Kayoko.

Tomoki instinctively felt that she was not an opponent to be taken lightly. She seemed like the type of person who would break promises, lie, and cheat on her lover without batting an eyelid.

However, there was the last line that Kayoko had left with—

“I didn’t come here to destroy it. I came to protect it.”

Strangely, he had only believed those words in the moment that he heard them.

Translation notes: 

(1): You probably all know what takeoff means, but I’m just going to give you guys a link to a diving glossary that helped me out a lot.

(2): The word used here is “相槌” which means interjections indicating one is paying attention (thanks jisho). Apparently the Japanese have a word for it but we don’t???

(3): I didn’t know what “永大” (Eidai) meant so I just assumed it was a shortened university name

(4): Technically 7.5 meters, but most people just call it the seven-meter platform

(5): Anta is a pretty rude “you” to use for someone you don’t even know, and is older than you. Funny enough Youichi uses it for Kayoko right off the bat and Tomoki uses it with her later in the story. She didn’t seem to mind it both times though

Next time on DIVE!!: The beginning of the end for Tomoki’s social life.

[thebibliomancer]

100 Days of Comics! 045/100: Legends of the Dark Claw #1 (1996)

So today’s pull from the box of mystery brings us... Amalgam.

Oh dear.

Okay so once upon a time, Marvel and DC had a crossover and then the universes were poorly jammed together. No, I’m not talking about JLA/Avengers.

So a bunch of Marvel and DC properties were smooshed together into a new Amalgam Universe. I’ve heard that the majority of the Amalgam titles were Not Very Good and kind of half-assed. I’m not expecting much. Maybe some yuks.

Then again, Dark Claw is what you get if you squish together Wolverine and Batman which seems... like not the natural two choices for characters to be squished together. They mostly only have three things in common: a tendency to mentor the youth (although Bruce usually mentors boys and Wolverine girls), saying they are the best there is at whatever they do, and being incredibly popular.

So yeah. That third point is why they were probably jammed together.

So who else has been jammed together? We have Dark Claw’s young ward Sparrow - Jubilee dressed as Robin. Unclear whether she has her firework powers still.

There’s Huntress - Carol Danvers dressed up as Huntress. Since she lost her powers in the deal, its not really worth it. And I can’t figure out what exactly Carol Danvers contributed to this mix aside from the name.

The Hyena - Joker plus Sabretooth WHICH SEEMS LIKE A TERRIBLE IDEA.

So with all of that established, what kind of plot do you get by mashing up Wolverine and Batman?

Mostly a batman plot with references to mutant healing factors, adamantium, and two of Wolverine’s supporting cast dressed as Batman’s supporting cast.

We start off with Dark Claw attacking Hyena at the Gotham Gazette printing plant, having deciphered his fiendish riddle of “black and white and red all over.”

... Is Hyena part shitty Riddler in addition to Joker Sabretooth?

Anyway, they tussle for a while and Dark Claw threatens to slit Hyena’s throat but Hyena’s gang shows up and uses bullets until Dark Claw has to run away to his Claw Copter. As piloted by Sparrow. Who remarks that she would have preferred to be called Death Urge Overdrive instead. Which leads me to believe that Sparrow is Robin + Jubilee + Negasonic Teenage Warhead DESPITE THE DATES NOT MAKING ANY SENSE FOR THAT.

Also, Hyena throws Frolic Frags at Dark Claw but they just make normal grenade noises. That is a missed opportunity. They should have made laugh splode noises like the Green Goblin’s pumpkin bombs in Spectacular Spider-Man.

But I digress and digress and digress.

“Meanwhile, in the artsy-trendy section of Gotham” Huntress Carol Danvers in name only breaks into the swank penthouse of one Logan “techno-wizard, painter, sportsman and walking enigma.”

Yup. Instead of using the guise of an idle playboy, Logan does... a bunch of stuff sounds like. But he’s most famous for his distinctive art style “said by some critics to ‘possess the fury of feral slashes.’“

LOGAN YOU ARE BAD AT SECRET IDENTITY.

Honestly, most of the paintings we see look like he just paints slashes on top of amorphous blobs.

Huntress finds a bunch of photos that don’t jive with Logan’s public records - including a picture of him in the RCAF with Creed H. Quinn, alias Hyena.

And then she opens his closet and finds a bunch of Dark Claw outfits. YOU ARE BAD AT SECRET IDENTITY LOGAN.

There is no reason for them to be in this closet. Its revealed in just a couple pages that there’s a pneumatic tube down to the claw cave (actually called the Barrow, meh) behind a secret panel in the closet so why not have your costumes down there instead?

Well, so because Huntress can discover his identity.

Dark Claw pops out of the secret panel and demands to know what she’s up to. She explains she wasn’t after Dark Claw. She was investigating Logan’s ties to Hyena.

So Dark Claw decides to explain his whole backstory. And since he’s Batman + Wolverine, its twice as tragic. When he was five, his parents were killed in front of him by an armed robber. He was sent to live with his mountie uncle in Alberta who was then killed by some poachers. Then he was sent to an orphanage. And then as soon as he was old enough he joined the Royal Canadian Air Force. That’s where he met Creed.

Him, Creed, and four others were chosen for a secret Canadian project to create remorseless killing machines devoid of all human compassion. Because Amalgam Canada is still a terrifying hellhole.

The project succeeded too well with Creed. Because the researchers forgot that the best thing about unliving weapons is that they are usually inert weapons that don’t get up and start doing harm by themselves.

Logan was a failure. BECAUSE HE HAD A CONSCIENCE.

Geez, Dark Claw has swung a huge 180 from saying he couldn’t let Carol walk out knowing what she knows to telling her everything she didn’t already know.

I’m also kind of confused what Dark Claw’s motivation is. Batman, of course, is motivated by MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD. I guess he leans more towards Wolverine’s motivation. Or he just really hates Creed.

Anyway, Sparrow is outraged that Dark Claw let Huntress into the Claw Cave.

Sparrow: “This is totally uncool and unacceptable!! We can’t let her walk out of here knowing about all this--!!”

Dark Claw: “What do you want me to do, Sparrow--? Take her out in the woods and lose her?”

Sparrow: “Well--YEAH!!”

Heh.

And then Sparrow completely forgets about murdering Huntress when Dark Claw praises her for hacking into the typesetting computer at the Gotham Gazette and gives her an affectionate and painful looking punch in the arm. She seems thrilled.

They discover that shitty Riddler Hyena changed the morning’s headline to “AF1+NaCN=”

THE HYENA IS GOING TO POISON AIR FORCE ONE WITH SODIUM CYANIDE!

They take the Claw Copter and reach Air Force 1 just as its about to take off and Sparrow tells “the slut” to take her shot with the sniper crossbow grapple.

Because one of Jubilee’s prevailing traits at the time was a hatred for all other women, I guess? She definitely did not like Psylocke. Both out of ‘she tried to ninja murder us’ and ‘she has a much better butt than I do’ sort of thing.

Speaking of the portrayal of women in this comic, I don’t think we see either of the two female characters ever standing flat on their feet. They are always tippie toe. I hate 90s art with all of my hate.

Anyway, I digress and digress and digress, Dark Claw swings over to Air Force 1 and climbs into the wheel well. He SCHRIIP!s his way into the cockpit with his adamantium claws and tries to warn them about Hyena.

Hey, how do you think the secret service would react if an unidentified aircraft buzzed Air Force 1 as it tried to take off and then a man armed with very long claws that somehow retract into his arms seriously how do they do that ripped his way into the cockpit?

Did you guess 'they’d shoot him a lot’ in the less than one second you had between reading the end of that paragraph and starting this one? Because if so, you win the prize!

Meanwhile, Agent Sanderson is checking the potty for other interlopers and gets shot a lot by Hyena who tells the dead agent “This is no way to get a head, lad! This would probably put your career in the toilet -- that is, if you weren’t already dead!!”

Because the last thing someone wants to hear before dying of being shot a lot is shitty puns.

BADUM PISH!

Hyena sets off the shaped-like-a-masked-dog-head gas grenade filling the plane with sodium cyanide but Dark Claw adamantiums the hull open.

The explosive decompression blows them both out but also vents the gas. PRESIDENT CLINTON IS SAVED!

Because that’s totally Clinton.

Hyena has a parachute and gracefully parachutes to safety but luckily Sparrow is hanging nearby in the Claw Copter and manages to catch Dark Claw.

He thanks Sparrow and tells her to circle back so he can get another crack at the Hyena! Except the next issue box implies next issue we find who Huntress is really working for.

Although I think this was just a one-shot masquerading as the first issue for an ongoing series. Kudos to them for sticking with the illusion. They even have a bunch of fake letters in the letter section alluding to previous comics that don’t actually exist.

Implying that Amalgam didn’t only merge the main DC and Marvel continuities but their respective metatextual Earth Prime counterparts where the comics are published? Although in Marvel, that is in the main Marvel continuity. Marvel comics were even used as evidence in trials in the Marvel universe. Man, She-Hulk is great.

Geez, one of these fake letters even complains about the collector boom and big events and crossovers and metallic covers with die-cuts and holograms and thanks the creative staff for this book for writing a story for people who actually read it.

One goof though. If this is the first issue of the Legends of the Dark Claw book, where did these letters come from? Usually new books don’t get letters until the third or so issue, I think. Although I guess they were letters that were written to Sleuth Comics where Dark Claw got his start.

Amalgam! It put more effort into looking like a real ongoing than it did with the actual content sometimes!

[infinitemelancholie]

The funny thing about life is that happens around you all the time and you end up missing it when you spend like 2/3 of your time in your head and not engaging with it. It's even funnier when your engagement with life is minimal or barely happening. Like it's there happening and you're just kinda avoiding it or just like half assing it when you should be full assing it. That's what I've been doing. I've been trying to live it in a means that doesn't step on anyone's toes or nothing. Which y'know I say that but it's also not like that wasn't intentional. I intentionally hide my sexuality so that I can get it in with some girl. I put myself on higher alert when with a girl so that I don't accidentally do anything that'd code me as gay because once that happens then shit hits the fan and all of a sudden I not only blow my chances but then they'll get disgusted with me or start trying to make me their fetished desired gay best friend when I'm not that.

Shit sucks man like what the fuck do I gotta do to get some basic respect/dignity from shit stains. Now I remember all this time the goal was to just fuck. Granted I've met one that I actually have a major crush on but the others I mostly just want in their pants. Although I guess this other one I kinda did want something but like wasn't sure because of just how straight she is. Like she's obviously hetero and she's so hetero it hurts. So like idk I might be actually ok with nothing coming out of this.

So now what was bothering me? I guess because this is probably the end of what I've known for so long. Like this is me breaking out into something else now. Up till now I've been living my life in a certain way but now I'm trying to live it differently. I guess with her I was still trying to just please her instead of just trying to see how we connect. I let her and the others I've met walk over me. I just let them move into my life and my feelings without really examining or asking if this is what I wanted.

I was proposed to when I wasn't even ready for marriage. I let someone love me when I wasn't even ready to be loved by them. I let myself get caught up in this new girl when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get involved. No that's not it. I let myself get involved because I was dumped by another guy and because I wanted to prove and believe in myself that I could be loved by someone that I thought was attractive. That I am actually attractive to people I want to attract. That I can draw in the people that I want to draw in. Now I know I can so I feel better about myself, especially with the people I'm talking to now. So that's a plus. That would explain why I've been trying to hold on because I just didn't want to go back to this realm of uncertainty. I just wanted the pieces to fall into place. I just wanted to disappear into this void of security and assuredness and comfort even if it wasn't like that for me. I was willing to give that all up just so everything could be ok for me. Just so maybe everything can make sense. Just so I can feel like I'm being loved and getting the love that I want. I was desperate for that so much so that I was willing to throw away a lot. Which maybe I'm doing again but better at least. I was called retarded by someone I'm taking to now but after showing how uncool with that I was they backed off which means I didn't have to explain why I don't like ableism. I'm improving.

So maybe it doesn't work out but that's fine because there's others including one very special person that I'm crushing on and hoping it works out with. Fingers crossed.

Am I still going to reveal my bisexuality to my friends? Maybe eventually. Though right now it's not that big of a deal. And like I've already done that. Or at least I thought I did. But I'm thinking of making a post about it on my Instagram. Or at least just one of me at pride because that shit's dope and I always like being there. Then again, do I really wanna deal with being rebranded as a queer dude to my friends? Because I don't feel ready for that yet. Though maybe...

Well I've got nothing to do but to do it