#not in picking the winner at the end. but actually hopping in on the role they used to play for their son.

[beggingfordinoparents]

Day 1 of me begging them to have the Professor's parents on the show as participating guests alongside Ryan.

[d-criss-news]

Nine Songs: Darren Criss

When Disney, Phantom Planet and Mr Hudson collide: Glee star, Emmy and Golden Globe winner and musician Darren Criss talks Andrew Wright through the pivotal songs in his life and the unexpected ways they found him.

“When we are younger, our gateway drugs to a lot of popular things don’t come from the sexiest of places. It’s up to you how proactive you want to be with your curiosity from there, and how far down the rabbit hole you want to go, if you go down at all.”

Choosing the songs that define you is a tricky business to say the least, especially when the power of song has provided an ongoing soundtrack to your life. “When you’re as avid a music consumer as musical artists are, trying to pin down Nine Songs is difficult,” Darren Criss laughs. So much so, his final choices only really crystallise as our conversation draws to its close. “It’s hard for me not to see the value and joy in literally everything,” he explains. “The curse of the creative person is that your ideas and your interests always move way faster than your body can execute.”

Criss is a creative par excellence. As well as his Emmy and Golden Globe winning performance in The Assassination of Gianni Versace, where he played serial killer Andrew Cunanan, to his upcoming role in Muppets Haunted Mansion Halloween special as The Caretaker, he’s also a prolific musician. Criss enjoyed a decadent musical consumption since childhood, so “this was a bit of an archaeological dig,” he admits. As such, everything from jazz standards, to 808s, punk rock, ‘90s teen pop, and musical numbers are excavated in the course of our extemporaneous journey through the music he loves.

Equally on his mind is how to go about approaching the task of creating his Nine Songs, full stop. “The interesting social experiment is: Are my answers going to be songs that actually shaped my life and were formative to me as an artist? Are they songs that were formative to me as a human being? Or am I picking songs that I think represent who I am to people that do not know me? All three of those things aren’t necessarily the same thing.”

He reaches a conclusion of sorts. “For the purposes of making some kind of decision, I’m gonna lean less into trying to look cool to your very cool readership, and more into the literal, ‘What made me think about music in a different way? And hit me in a very emotional way?’ I think that’s probably the healthiest route.”

Embracing the accessibility that characterises Criss’ picks - or at times the initial touchpoints that led him to them - are something he vacillates over during our chat. “I’ve seen a lot of other people’s Nine Songs and they’re super cool. It’s like Leonard Cohen B-sides and old opera records and stuff. I’m gonna be pretty honest with the pop culture zeitgeist of how I grew up but explain why there is so much value in those moments.” His contemplation continues into the next day, Criss’s publicist passes on his regrets at being tentative to admit how he encountered one of his song choices via the Shrek soundtrack.

A yearning to reinterpret accessibility and the value attached to it drives Criss, however. He tells me that a festival performance that applied the anarchic verve of punk rock to a more refined Great American Songbook number remoulded his perception of music entirely. His love of the fusion of these two genres in particular symbolises the salient musical backdrops of his childhood - the guitar bands he played in with friends, and his musical theatre endeavours that led him to Broadway and multiple Ryan Murphy juggernauts, including his breakthrough playing Blaine Anderson in Glee.

Criss employs these contrasting musical lexicons, and other areas in between, on Masquerade, his new EP. Comprising five stand-alone “character-driven” singles, it sees Criss donning different musical personas. “I’m leaning into people that might know me as an actor,” he explains. “Because if actors can do Shakespeare, romantic comedy, and then do a horror movie and wear a prosthetic nose and a wig, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just do that with music.” The song “walk of shame” draws on jazz-standard chords interlaced with hip-hop production, “i can’t dance” looks to new-wave, and “for a night like this” is the product of Criss’ goal to create the ultimate end-of-the-night crowd-pleaser for a new-year bash, wedding or bar mitzvah. “This is all of the parts of me as a lifelong fan of these genres, trying my hand at servicing the pieces of them that I love.”

“I really love all styles of music and understanding what makes them unique and special and what makes them really pop. There are so many things that really make things sing - for lack of a better verb - and I like acknowledging those things and celebrating those things.”

“So, let’s begin. I have runners up and shit, and I have artists, I don’t just have the songs, so we might have to pick them as we go.”

“Part of Your World” by Jodi Benson

“When people read this, they’ll go ‘That’s cute, he likes Disney songs’, but it’s more profound than that. Some of the most formative pieces of music to hit me at a very early age would have been any of the songs that were coming from ‘The Disney renaissance.’ The early-mid ‘90s explosion of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and The Beast.

"One of the through lines between the three of those musicals was Howard Ashman, who is one of my all-time heroes. Dramaturg, songwriter - he really was the voice behind what made those songs great. I have always loved Howard’s lyrical sensibility and also Alan Menken, his partner who wrote these songs with him. There was a musical structure to a lot of the songs which I would unconsciously pick up in my own songwriting, not just musically, but the idea that not only did somebody make these songs, but they wrote them for a story.

“There’s a clip of Howard Ashman vocal directing Jodi Benson, who was the original voice of Ariel. It’s a wonderful example of his genius, where not only was he songwriting but he was storytelling in the way he would tell her how to perform it, and you can really see the song coming to life in that clip. That’s when you cross the street from ‘It’s a song’ to ‘This is an experience.’

"There are certain ingredients that are required to elevate music that goes beyond just a nice melody, a beautiful orchestration and a good voice. There are things that are required to really give a performance a characterisation, context and a vulnerability, that he architects in real-time with Jodi Benson. You see that what he’s doing is what makes the record so special, and that’s something that’s always been inspiring to me.”

“MMMBop” by Hanson

“I think my love of Hanson was because some people didn’t like it, so I was like ��Fuck you, I like this, how do you feel about it?’ But this is difficult for me, because you know, I’m speaking to The Line of Best Fit and we’re trying to be cool! Although, do you know what’s cool? Being accessible! Writing a pop hit when you are 10 years old. Being in a band with your brothers and you’re all below the age of 15, you have a record contract where you are writing, producing and performing songs that are doing well.

“I was 10 years old when their first album Middle of Nowhere came out, and I remember reading somewhere that there were these kids that had a record. At the time, I was playing guitar and I was writing songs, but in my mind I was a kid, and that was it. I couldn’t be on the radio; you had to be a grown up to do this.

"This was the first time where I realised ‘Holy shit, kids can do stuff!’ It’s the value of seeing yourself in the media - that’s a whole other conversation to talk about - but there’s an immense value in feeling like there’s a piece of you out in the zeitgeist and doing well because it’s encouraging. You go, ‘Holy shit, maybe I can do this as well.'

“When you see children doing things, you’re ‘Wow, this is so cute and fabulous’, but then when you actually look at it you go, ‘This is miles above what most people in this age group are capable of,’ and that’s all I saw, because I was in the same age group and I was so inspired by that. This whole album was really a turning point for me, where I was like, ‘I can do this, I can do music too, because these guys can.'

“Ooh La La” by Faces

“This song really blew my mind. It became my own theme. It’s that ‘Make your heart sing’, nostalgic moment when you’re a teenager, driving in the car listening to it, playing guitar with your friends and you’re singing “I wish that I knew what I know now / When I was younger.” You’re like, ‘because I’m an adult now, I’m 15-years-old. If I only knew what I know now.’

“I was doing theatre from a young age and I was part of a young conservatory called A.C.T. in San Francisco. By way of somebody who knew somebody, I had an audition for a movie. As a kid not being near New York or Los Angeles it was really exciting, and this audition was for a film called ‘Max Fischer’, which would become the movie Rushmore, which would become one of my favourite movies of all time by the now very distinguished Wes Anderson.

“Separate from my own objective love of Wes Anderson, when this movie came out I was just around the age of getting into my own sort of identity with music, but also movies - indie movies - and trying to assert who I was. So, I see this movie Rushmore and I love it. I love the soundtrack, I love it so much, it’s one of my favourite albums ever. This song is the end sequence, and the way it made me feel - the vocals on it, I could play it on guitar and it was part of a cool movie - it really represented a lot in my life.

“And because of the acting thing, and Rushmore being great - it’s about this kid in high-school who's misunderstood but has his own agenda - everything about it was just so fucking cool to me. To this day, I cite that song as one of my favourite records of all time.”

“Recently Distressed” by Phantom Planet

“A guy that really formed the way I would sing and write songs is Alex Greenwald, the frontman of Phantom Planet. I went to see Phantom Planet because I loved Rushmore and I found out that Jason Schwartzman [who had been cast as Max Fischer] was also the drummer for a band called Phantom Planet.

"So, when I saw their name on the bill I went, but I didn't know their music. I was barely 14, but their set blew my mind. It was Rock and Roll, but I loved Alex Greenwald’s voice. I loved everything, and I would follow their career from there. I always tell people that my voice is a combination of me trying to be Alex Greenwald, Paul McCartney and Rufus Wainwright, but failing. Alex was incredibly formative for me.

“One of their biggest records was a little while after I first saw them, which was the song for The O.C., "California." That was more of an Elvis Costello thing, and they employed a lot of stuff that sounded to me like The Beatles and a lot of ‘60s mod/pop-rock. But later they would employ things from Fugazi, Radiohead and harder shit, and that eclecticism, again, only accelerated my love for Phantom Planet.

“Recently Distressed” is from their 1998 album Phantom Planet Is Missing. This was a cool rock song that employed these George [Harrison] and Paul [McCartney] background vocals and included all of the things that I loved. It was harder but melodic and employed minor 4th chords and more complicated chords than I was used to. I had grown up with power chords - which are very Gregorian - on a lot of alt. punk rock, like Green Day or Nirvana, and if Kurt Cobain was using power chords then that’s how I was playing guitar. Hearing this music was like ‘Oh, I’m using full chords, not sevenths, minor 4th chords, diminished chords’, shit that I would learn to use more and more.

“When you haven’t experienced much, anything that gives a hint towards possibility, even though it’s probably always been there, you’re like, ‘I like this, I’ve always kind of liked this, but it’s very encouraging to hear somebody else do it and it’s gonna make me reconsider my possibilities.’ That was literally the moment that my power chords turned into full barre chords.”

“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” by Rufus Wainwright

“I forgot the other day how I got into Rufus Wainwright, because all of this stuff I was getting into quite young. It’s like when I talk to 11-13 year olds, it’s funny to think that this was when I was really starting to build my musical identity. But then I remembered, and I didn’t want to say because I didn’t want to sound uncool, because he is such a revered artist who exists in a much cooler place than what I’m about to say.

“I loved soundtracks and I would always buy soundtracks for movies that had cool playlists. I had the Shrek soundtrack, and there’s a cover of Leonard Cohen’s seminal “Hallelujah” that Rufus does and he smashes it, and I’m like, ‘Who the fuck is Rufus Wainwright? What a beautiful voice.’ Then I saw that he was going to be at the Virgin Megastore in San Francisco one week, so I go and he’s there promoting his new album Poses. I remember I didn’t have enough money to buy the album that day, so I had him sign my sneaker and I saved that shoe.

“The first song on Poses was “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, which is a very dark and reflective song about his own battles with addiction, but he’s singing it over this really beautiful, whimsical song that has a lot of really great wordplay. I always love when artists, especially lyricists, can encapsulate an idea with not exactly what they’re talking about. The song’s called “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, it’s not called “Addiction”. Its talking about things that he craved and how that’s representative of other things that he’s gone through. There was a sophistication and elegance to that that I really gravitated towards, that I didn’t possess but wanted to shoot for. So when I saw him, that was a big one for me and he would also continue to influence me later in my life.

“I’ve become friends with Rufus since. I’ve performed with him and we’ve made records together, which is crazy. His songwriting was very complex and punk-rock, but he had this classic cabaret voice, the kind of voice that I don’t have. I was fascinated that there was somebody that could write this really dark material but have such elegance on top of it. He was virtuosic on the piano, which I thought was very cool because musicianship is always the thing that gets me going the most about artists.

“You know what? People say, ‘Don’t meet your heroes.' I completely disagree. Chase the living fuck out of your heroes. I’ve spent a lifetime doing so, it’s made me a better artist, and I’ve sometimes got to meet them and work with them. I’ve worked on music with Alex Greenwald of Phantom Planet. I’ve performed with Hanson. I’ve performed those Disney songs with Alan Menken at The Hollywood Bowl.

"This is all because there are people that I love who I have put on my vision board, and the things that they have done are the things that are bringing me to them. So it is nuts, but at the same time you’re like, ‘Well, what else did you think would happen?’ They did stuff that some part of me connected with, so obviously there’s a magnetic pull towards that person.

“Rufus Wainwright is one of my absolute favourite artists of all time and like I said, me trying to sing like him and failing is a big part of my own journey as an artist.”

“3x5” by John Mayer

“John Mayer’s another guy that came around when I was 15. I heard a song of his on a middle-of-the-night, singer/songwriter college radio show. This is where I used to get music. You would listen to these carefully curated playlists that you wouldn’t be able to hear anywhere else, and the host played “No Such Thing”, a new song by this young kid who had just dropped out of Berklee College of Music - John Mayer.

“I’m listening to this song and I’m like, ‘Not only is this guitar playing really interesting, but the lyrical value and everything that is going on here ticks all the boxes.' It was jazz, but it was pop. And he did something that all these other guys and girls I’ve mentioned did. They made something very unique and very accessible.

“I immediately went out to buy this album, Room For Squares, and I listened to it over and over again. It was an album that was really formative for me. "3x5” is a really beautiful song that employs a lot of chord structures and melodies that blew my fucking mind at the time, and it made me wish that I could write songs like that.

“That album was a huge turning point in the way I played the guitar, because it was the first time in my life where I would look up tabs. Up until this point in my life, if I heard a song I could play it instantly. It was like a party trick, I would get how it worked if I heard it, because most of the songs I would hear on the radio - especially those that involved a guitar - were [centred around] power chords. And now I’m hearing all of these ninth chords and thirteenths, and I’m like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ So I’d have to look up tabs.

“I think any young artist can attest to this - when you try and learn other people’s shit, it’s the best tool for educating yourself. Playing other people’s music really helps you lock in what your own style is. Trying to learn these songs - and sometimes pulling it off and sometimes not - really changed the way that my hands moved around the guitar and considered chords and voicings that I’d never really thought of.

“There’s another tie to musical theatre here, where I remember seeing Audra McDonald, who is a very venerated theatre actor, and she did a cabaret. If you’re familiar with cabaret culture, it’s more about performing the story of the songs – ‘Life is a cabaret’. She did a John Mayer song because she thought it was from a musical theatre show, and I was so tickled by this, because I was like ‘Yeah, if you really think about it, I don’t think he knows this and I don’t think his fan base even thinks about this, but there’s a number of his songs that feel very theatrical in the way that the lyrics play with each other and the way the chords move’.

"When I saw this I thought, ‘That is why I like John Mayer’, because yes, he’s an amazing guitar player, but he’s also a really strong songwriter.”

“Cabaret” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

“Also, around this time growing up in San Francisco, as a guitar player playing music with your buddies, the number one thing that you play is punk rock. There are different parts of the spectrum of punk rock, there's the NOFX, Swingin’ Utters, like real punk, punk. And then there’s the pop-punk thing that was happening at the same time, which was also equally influential - blink-182 and Green Day.

“Fat Mike was the frontman of NOFX. I loved NOFX, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were a supergroup of different members from different punk bands, of which Fat Mike was one of the main architects. They would cover songs and turn them into punk rock songs. They have an album of hits from the ‘60s, and they also have an album called Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: Are a Drag, and that record is just a tonne of musical theatre covers that are done through punk rock.

“That was completely in line with everything I loved at this time of my life but didn’t really know how to articulate. I loved punk rock but I also really loved musical theatre. Not only the performative element of it, but there was a real musicality to musical theatre that wasn’t as present in some of the other shit that was popular at the time, just harmonically, or where chords would go. There was a sophistication I loved that seemed to not exist in punk rock.

“Then hearing Fat Mike at The Warped Tour going ‘Alright, which one of you Motherfuckers loves Julie Andrews?’ and hearing a mixed bag of reactions, because people were ‘What? I was not expecting that from you, sir?’ And then they start playing “My Favourite Things”, a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein song which is very accessible, but sophisticated nonetheless. And I am just living. I’m like, ‘This has got the attitude and simplicity of punk rock, but the sophistication of a beautiful song.’

“That was the first time in my life where I went, ‘It’s just all music. All these categories and boxes are completely arbitrary.’ So I thought, ‘I can do that.' I was playing power chords in punk bands but I realised that you can take chords and make them into other rhythms and voicings and have the same song. I could take a punk song and make it jazz. I could take a jazz song and make it country. So, quite providentially, I would end up on Glee, where they took popular songs and would sometimes do their own versions.

“By that point, I had been doing this my whole life. The first time this ever became a possibility for me was seeing Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, and that way of thinking about music and genre. I’ve put that into Masquerade, and it’s all born from that moment of ‘Oh my God, nothing has to be one thing. It’s just about how you look at it.'

“Cabaret” is from a pretty famous musical that I would’ve probably heard about later in life, but I first heard that song as a punk song and then I went back and heard the original. It doesn’t matter how these things happen, the inspiration happens and then you can go from there. But Me First and The Gimme Gimmes were a huge gateway drug and I play “Cabaret” now every year at my festival. That’s why the festival is called Elsie Fest, because it covers the song.”

“Modern Nature” by Sondre Lerche

“One of the great joys of being a younger brother is that you get to inherit the music of your elders. My brother and I were both really proactive consumers of music, so we would share stuff with each other all the time. But then he would come home from college, which is like coming home from a music festival essentially, right? He was in a new time zone with new people, so he’d bring home these mix CDs that he’d made from people that he’d heard about, and he brings home this guy named Sondre Lerche.

“Hearing this guy blew my mind, because he also was using jazz chords and drawing on musical theatre. Musical theatre’s a massive category, so I can’t just say that musical theatre sounds like one thing, but when I say this, I’m referring to The American Songbook, the jazz standard songbook. “Modern Nature” was a duet that I would go on to play many times with one of my oldest musical collaborators, Charlene Kaye. When we got to college and we both found out that we loved this guy.

“There was a much more whimsical way to how he wrote these songs. And what’s crazy is that loving this guy meant that we also loved Rufus Wainwright, that we also loved these other artists. But Sondre was the first time I considered that I loved that type of music, but I didn’t know that you could be a singer/songwriter and put out music that sounded like it.

“I don’t know if ‘twee’ is the right word to use, but with “Modern Nature” there was a playfulness about it, and again, a musicality that I really gravitated towards. There is a through line - there was a sophistication that was accessible, and me trying to learn those songs did make me rethink the way that I was writing music. The structures were weird and different and I liked that.

“To this day, I find myself writing songs that I think might be difficult for people to ingest, because they’re a little too left of centre, and I realise that I’m trying to write like Sondre Lerche, or I’m unconsciously just copying him.”

“Everything Happens to Me” by Mr Hudson & The Library

“I was in an H&M in Stockholm when I was 21, and I heard this really cool groove and the lyric was “Why must I always play the clown?” It was sung with a really thick British accent, had an 808 feel on it, and lyrically it had an attitude. Who would say something that sounds so like you’re in a Gilbert & Sullivan musical, but it feels hard? It was cool.

“I went home and looked this up and it was off the record A Tale of Two Cities by Mr Hudson and the Library, which would really, really fuck me up. I bought the album immediately because I loved this song. I had to order it on the internet because I couldn’t find it. It was doing well in England and he was on the festival circuit in the early-mid 2000s, but the first song on the album was a musical theatre cover with 808s.

“It was a pared-down, sort of a hip-hop version of “On The Street Where You Live” from My Fair Lady, and I’m like ‘No fucking way, this guy gets where my head is.’ I’d thought about punk rock musical theatre, but I never thought about 808s and 909s scoring these beautiful songs. I go down the track list and he has “Everything Happens to Me”, which is another very famous standard, and he had this really cool, what we would now call chill-hop, ‘study beats’ version of this song. I was like, ‘This is it. This guy gets that good music is good music and you can reinterpret it to offer it as a new song.’

“I would later become great friends with Mr Hudson. I got to meet him years later when I was with Columbia Records, and they said to me ‘Who do you want to meet?’ He was at the top of my list. I went to London and we’ve been friends ever since and have created all kinds of music together.

“He told me a story where Tyler the Creator went up to him once at Coachella and said, ‘Oh man, “Everything Happens To Me”, that’s like my song.’ We both wondered if Tyler the Creator knew that it was a Chet Baker cover. And we were thinking how cool it is that you can offer these songs to a new audience through a different lens. Tyler’s a smart guy, he’s very cultured, and I’m sure he did know. But it’s more the idea that if someone experienced this song and didn’t know that it was a cover, and this is like the first time they ever get to experience it.

“Mr Hudson would go on to do his own thing with Kanye and was on 808s & Heartbreak and has had his own career. I think “Supernova” was a hit in the UK, it didn’t really cross over here to The States, but before that moment for him, that Mr Hudson and The Library album changed my life. People use that phrase willy-nilly, but this literally was a turning point in my life. It all had to do with the same thing that happened with these other songs, where I saw someone do what I always wanted to do but didn’t really know how to pull off. Where he had this fusing of old songs delivered through a contemporary lens, but also laced it with his own original material that also employed the things that made that old songwriting interesting.

“It’s like changing the font of a great essay but finding the font and figuring out that that font is its own art form. He really displayed that marvellously on this.”

The Masquerade EP is out now

[ash-the-porcupine]

Chapter 3

Buster tossed and turned in his bed, feeling like he was drowning in the past regrets. He was tangled up in the blankets and had curled into a little ball beside his pillow. A million thoughts whilred like a hurricane through his mind. Never abating, never givin him any rest, and they just kept coming.

Finally, he tossed aside his pillow. He wasn't able to sleep, but he could use the time for something more benficial. Beneficial to the show, that is, he had very little regard to his health. It seemed an inconsequential little tidbit most of the time anyways.

He was glad they all got their own hotel rooms. He hopped on top of a stack of books then into the chair at the desk so that he could actually work. He opened the laptop and started thinking, typing away, writing down everything that popped in his mind, whether it was directly realted to the show or not.

It's over. You're safe... It's over. It's over. He's GONE! 

Buster jerked upward in alarm, looking around to see his crew standing around him. "You were screaming!" Ash stated factually in alarm.  "And what the heck does Yuri dorfenboop mean?" 

"Huh?" Buster was confused. "Yuri what now?" he looked up at the computer. He had hit random keys when he fell asleep on his keyboard, writing some crazy gibberish with 'Yur i dorf enboo p'. He chuckled slightly, shaking his head as he deleted it with an amused smile. "I'm okay." he looked back, gesturing at the computer. "I myself don't know what a Yuri Dorfenboop is." he chuckled.

"The Yuri Dorf-or-whatever aside, why did you scream?!" Rosita inquired with her motherly tone of command.

He was silent a moment. "I preferred the Yuri Dorfenboop." he whispered into Ash's ear. She snickered, trying to muffle the sound. "A dream is all. I didn't even realize I screamed. It's alright, guys. You can go back to sleep. I need to finish this section of the script..." he turned back to his computer, a dull smile plastered onto his face.

All he could think about was pleasing Angus Chrome and hopefully his show being chosen over Damian Blackwave's. As for Clark Bones, he hoped that he wasn't too much of a match for Clay Calloway. He thought over things, letting the energy of his mind mull over a bit as he thought of what to type next. Heck, he was still deciding on roles! 

He he had begun finishing up typing the ideas late that night, but still needed to do touch ups. As for the script... well, he had barely started. 

"Not so fast, Buster. You've been at this too long. You need to sleep." Rosita frowned at him, taking his laptop away. He grabbed it, but inevitably lost a game of tug-of-war, ending with the laptop clattering to the ground. The corner of the screen was broken, but thankfully nothing else. 

"Rosita!" he complained, picking up his laptop and closing it. "Don't touch it." he growled, a sad note to the sound. She tried to grab his arm. "And don't grab me, either!" he said, placing the laptop on the hotel bed and opening it back up to continue his typing. 

Rosita knew she would have to find a way to confront him about all of this, but until he was ready? It just wouldn't work. One by one they all departed from the room, leaving Buster alone. By the time the room was empty apart from him, Buster had relaxed a little, letting his tense posture loosen into something more casual.

As he worked, despite it being super early in the morning, he hummed a miscellany of his favorite songs. A mental playlist, really. As he switched from Elton John, to Dolly Parton, to Britt Nicole, to the Allman Brothers, he realized he was getting sidetracked and resumed his focus on his work. "Maybe... oh, yeah... wait no that won't work... dang it... nope... ooh yes!" he muttered as he sifted through various ideas. 

He tried to ignore the cracks on the screen, but they very much irritated him. He hoped that his show would be a success. He really did. And not just because he would be a winner or because Mr. Chrome would be pleased, but because he believed his dad would be proud of him. 

Maybe his dad would think he had done well.

Buster was well aware of his faults. His habit of lying when intimidated, the way he could be just a tad manipulative when he needed to be - or at least thought he needed to be, and even the way he would do just about anything to achieve hos goals could be counted as a fault sometimes. We all have our imperfections, he just had a lot. But at least he had the courage to pursue his hopes at all. 

He also had good traits. Others could see them if they looked. But the real key is learning to see them yourself. 

By the time eight in the morning rolled by, Buster was hungry and ready to take a break. Besides, there was a lot of other things he needed to think about, too. He would have to talk to Clay of course, as well. He closed his laptop, stuffing it into a backpack which he slung over his shoulder and trotted out of his hotel room, looking for the other's in theirs but finding they weren't there. He soon located them down in the cafeteria of the hotel, near to the massive lobby.

He darted over to them, stumbling slightly as the weight of his backpack threw him off-balance. He grabbed himself a bowl of various tropical fruits and sat down next to Porsha. "So, guys, everyone get a good night's sleep?"

A chorus of affirmative replies ran through the group. Rosita was silent and only gave someting of a glare to the optimistic koala. Buster smiled at them all. Even Rosita. "Great! Because today we're going to see the stage we'll be performing on!"

And that was no lie

……………

"So, Bobby, what stage crew will we be working with? And costume designers? I trust the props and stage and everything will turn out fantastic! There's been some amazing work done here." he said, talking to the Dachshund that gave them a decent tour of the place. 

"You'll be working with the one's in the black and red uniforms. The guys in the orange uniforms are working for Darian Blackwave."

"What about the guys in the suits?"

"Chrome's employees." Bobby explained, the words at a slight deadpan. "If you need anything from any of the stage workers, I'd reccomend asking the supervisor, that polar bear. His name is Dylan Tamero but he prefers Tom." 

"Noted." 

The rest of the crew looked around to admire the stage and its many richly decorated props. Buster was busy scanning the area for ideas, danger, and inspirational objects or people. Nooshy, meanwhile, instructed Johnny in the art of creating a flamethrower out of a hairspray bottle and a cheap lighter. Buster shook his head with an exasperated laugh. He knew Nooshy wouldn't actually Molotov somebody, but still...

"Anything else we should know?"

Bobby thought for a moment. "Only that the bathrooms are over there and there is a snack machine on the side of the building. Aside from that, I'll tell you if I think of it." Buster shook his hand appreciatively.

"Okay, thank you, Bobby. Have a good day." Buster said as the Dachshund waved and walked off. For some reason the dog gave him weird childish-Suki vibes, but he just waved that off. The idea of the Saluki ever being so... charismatic even slightly seemed weird to him, even if the dachshunds accent and tendencies matched her own.

He shrugged and continued invesigating the place, gathering the supplies to start making the model of the stage that he needed. It would take time, that was for sure, but it could definitely be done. 

He gathered up cardboard, glue, scissors, paint, tape, paintbrushes, sponges, paper, stencils, and nearly every art supply that even existed it seemed like. He piled them in the corner of the huge room backstage and set to work. He built mountains and valleys and rivers and streams and trees and gorges and many places expectant of adventure and daring-do. 

And so he set to work on making it the best stage imaginable, even if this was only the model.

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves: The Dinner

A/N: Not a single soul asked for this, but I couldn’t shake the idea, so here we are. Let me know if you like Waves content where the twins are older or naw.

Words: 3.5K

Warnings: None

TAGS: @babe-im-bi @notacamelthatsmywife @missyperle @queenoftheworldisdead @tashawar​ @valkryienymph​ @letsshamelessqueen-m​ @liquorlaughslove​ @lettytheletdown​ @hello-therree​ @missdforever​ @mani-lifes​ @toni9​ @koko-michelle

Waves

“You ask him.”

“Me?”

“No. Doggy. Yes, you, dummy.”

Elysha ignored the insult and settled for her initial follow-up question. “Why me?”

“Because he likes you better.”

“Bullshit,” she scoffed, reaching to steal one of Emmett’s pretzels. She scowled, however, when he snatched it from her and swallowed it whole. “Creep.”

“Lee, you know the rules.” The twins neglected to hide their surprise when Christopher sauntered into the kitchen, a faux stern expression on his face. “No bullying each other when the other person can hear it.” 

While Elysha smirked, Emmett rolled his eyes and muttered, “told you.”

Christopher chuckled and walked to the fridge, leaning over to pull out the pack of meat he’d pulled from the freezer the night before. “So, I take it you don’t want us to go to the dealership this weekend, eh?”

As Emmett’s eyes lit up with excitement, Elysha groaned and crossed her arms. “Papa, that’s not fair. Why is it he gets a new car and I don’t?”

“Because your brother held up his end of the bargain, while you, my beautiful little girl, did not,” Christopher reminded, handing the meat to Emmett who placed it on the counter and waited for his dad to reach him the rest of the ingredients. He checked the time on his Apple watch and mentally cursed. Damn, it was already time for dinner.

Elysha was seconds away from pouting and stomping. “Papa, I saved up money, too.”

“Yes, you did,” Christopher agreed, closing the fridge with a bottle of beer in one hand. “And you spent it all on a pair of boots.”

“But they were Gucci!”

“Good luck driving Gucci to school next week.”

“Shut up, Emmett!”

“What did I just say about bullying?” Christopher lectured as he instructed Emmett to hand him the stainless steel skillet. “Not when the other person can hear it.” A beat. “And you’ll be driving your sister to school, mate, so don’t be too smug.”

Elysha rolled her eyes and caught the way Emmett nodded his head in their father’s direction, eyes widening to convey the unspoken but urgent message.

Do it now!

Clearing her throat, she sauntered over to the counter where her father was starting to prep, hopping up, and earning a sideway glance.

“You’re lucky your mom’s not here,” he murmured, failing to tell her to get down. “Alright, what is it and how much is it gonna cost me?”

She shrugged casually. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Christopher wasn’t even trying to hide his disbelief. “Elysha, do I need to call our lawyer?”

“Papa,” she interjected with the sweetest smile that she could muster. “Emmett and I were wondering, if, well-” She took a deep breath while playing with her fingers. “We want to invite two people over for dinner.”

Christopher looked over at the meat. “How much do you think they’ll eat?”

“Not tonight,” Emmett interjected. “Maybe this Friday?” He took a deep breath, scratching the back of his neck. “And it’s not just any two people, dad. It’s….the two people we’re talking to.”

Deep down, Christopher knew what his kids were trying to tell, err, ask him. However, if he wasn’t anything else, he was stubborn and could play the hell out of the obtuse role. “Jesus, all the people you have in my house for parties and you mean to tell me you two only talk to two of them?”

“No, papa, he means talking to, as if, ya know, dating.” A beat. “And mama said this is her house, you’re just a renter.”

“What? When did she say--never mind.” He could come back to that. One problem at a time. “So, why invite them over for dinner? Why not just throw another party you think your mother and me won’t find out about?”

Emmett ignored the sly remark about the parties. His dad was right. “Because we actually want you guys to meet them.”

Christopher carried the bowl over to the sink, turning on the faucet. “Is that so?” He saw the kids nod out the corner of his eye and asked, “have you asked your mother about this?”

“Not yet,” Elysha answered. “We figured we’d ask you first since you actually do all the cooking.”

“And because we were also hoping you could ask her for us.

“See, push long enough, and the truth always comes out from you two.” As the twins exchanged nonverbal communication, Christopher pondered their question. In the long line of expensive and wild things his kids had requested over the years, this was relatively tame, and it would cost nothing. Nothing monetary, at least. “Fine. Friday at 5. I’ll talk to your mother.”

“Seriously?” Elysha didn’t want to give him time to rethink his answer. Hopping off the counter, she gave him a tight side hug. “Thank you, papa. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled dismissively, seconds before Elysha buzzed out of the kitchen to call Jason and tell him that they were on.

“Thank you, dad.” Emmett kept it brief, squeezing his dad’s shoulders while sliding his phone out his pocket to see if Madi could Facetime when Christopher called out.

“Where are you going, mate? It’s your night to help me fix dinner.”

“But--”

“Unless you want to switch shifts with your sister, so you clean and she helps.”

He could have put up a fight, but considering Christopher had already agreed to both the dinner and talking to Summer for them, Emmett realized he had to pick his battles.

“What do you need me to do?”

------

“What are they even doing dating in the first place? They should be focused on school.”

“Babe, they’re straight A Honor Roll students.”

“Well, then, their sports.”

Summer sighed, securing the silk scarf around her edges. “Both are captains.”

“Work with me here, Elsa.”

She looked at him through her vanity mirror, eyebrow raised. “You want my help?” Standing up, she sauntered over to her husband, placing her arms around his waist. “Let it go, Kristoff.”

“Summer, our children are in the middle of a teenlife crisis. This is no time for games.”

She rolled her eyes and pushed him away, going to remove the decorative pillows from their bed. “Most parents would kill to have their kids let them know who they’re dating--”

“They’re not dating them. They’re talking.”

“--Our kids are inviting them over just so they can meet us, and you’re upset?” Hearing it aloud made her laugh. “Baby, people are dying. Find something else to grow gray hairs over.”

Christopher paused, watching her peel back her side of the blankets and climb in. “That’s low, swimming pool. Even for you.” A beat. “Maybe they’re being blackmailed.”

Summer sighed as he finally joined her in bed. She moved her body across the mattress, pressing herself into his side as he wrapped his arms around her. “You need a hobby.”

“How can I enjoy life when my children are suffering?”

“Oh my god.” Summer sat up in the bed and forced him on his back, climbing on top of him, hands restricting his wrist. “Christopher, the kids are alright. You, however, I am starting to worry about.” Any trace of humor depleted as she frowned while caressing his cheek, fingers playing with the hair of his beard. Scruffy Christopher was always her favorite. “Our babies are growing up, babe. We can’t stop it, no matter how much we may want to. We just have to be there for them, be supportive of them, so long as they’re not hurting themselves or anybody.” She moved her index finger to his mouth to silence him. “You will be fine, sir.”

He sighed, gently moving her hands up and down her sides. “How can you be so calm about this?”

“Oh, I’m imploding on the inside,” she admitted casually, lowering herself so her lips grazed his. “But, I’m also an EGOT winner, baby.” She moved her mouth to his ear, giving a slight tug with her teeth. “I can fake anything.”

Summer yelped when he switched so that his body was over his. “Not anything.”

------

“This is a bad idea. A terrible idea.”

Emmett looked over at Madi who was currently looking into her compact mirror, applying another unnecessary layer of mascara. She caught him looking and motioned to the road. “Focus.”

Emmett rolled his eyes and reached over, placing a hand on her lap. “Would you relax? They’re going to love you.”

“That’s easy for you to say. They’re your parents.” She leaned her head against the car window, mindful of her bun. It wasn’t easy fighting box braids in a bun, and she surely did not have time to do a redo. “You don’t get it. Your parents are….you freaking mom is….she’s my idol. She’s every little black girl’s idol, and now I’m just supposed to walk up to her, extend my hand, and say, ‘Hi, Mrs. Hemsworth. I worship you. Also, I’m dating your son.”

Emmett shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” Madi reached over and shrugged him when Emmett grabbed her hand and brought it to her mouth. “I promise it’s going to be fine.”

She sighed, leaning back and looking at him while she gently asked. “How do you do that?”

He chuckled. “Do what?”

“Make me feel better so easily.”

Emmett smiled and winked. “I got my daddy’s charm.”

Madi smirked and lowered the armrest. “You also have his car.”

Emmett sucked his teeth. “I’m getting mine soon.” She laughed. “I’m serious.”

“I’m sure you are, baby. I’m sure you are.”

------

“Are you insane, Elysha?”

She sighed, switching out her textbooks. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Jason’s eyes nearly doubled in size as he stared down at her. “Your dad is going to kill me. That’s the big deal.” Elysha laughed, checking the time on her watch. Being late for class was a pet peeve of hers. There was no excuse. “Oh, I’m glad you find my upcoming murder funny. Why don’t you just livestream it, too?”

“You are completely overreacting,” she sighed, shutting her locker and keeping her hand flat on the locker. “My dad isn’t like that. He’s super chill.”

“Chill?” He repeated her term while accepting the books she handed him so that she could adjust her uniform top. “I’m sorry, but have you seen your dad? He’s freaking huge.”

Sighing, she relieved him from the books after being satisfied with her tie. “Okay, and?”

As she began to walk, Jason kept the same pace with her, lowering his voice so that the other students couldn’t overhear. “Wait, are your uncles going to be there too? Fuck. I’m so screwed.”

While she understood his concern, she couldn’t help but find the whole thing humorous. Everyone seemed to believe her dad’s size meant he was a holy terror when it was the complete opposite. “Jason, my uncles are even more chill than my dad. Trust me.”

“On your mom’s side too?”

She laughed. “Oh no, they’re all crazy.” Elysha placed her arm around his waist when he moved his around her. “No, I promise my parents are going to love you, and that includes my dad.”

“I’m the first guy you’ve ever introduced to them, huh?” Her silence didn’t help. “Even better.”

She stopped walking, forcing him to do the same. Naturally, people walked around them, no one wanting to interrupt one of the “it” couples on campus. “Look, Jason, if you don’t want to do this, then you don’t have to. I just-I just wanted you to meet my parents, because I want them to know about you.”

“Stop,” he interrupted, shaking his head and cupping her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I just, I really like you, and I just-I want to make the best first impression that I can.” He dropped his hands, taking hers in his. “I want them to know how crazy I am about their daughter.”

She smiled, looking down to hide her bashfulness, only for him to bring his finger under her chin. He matched her smile. “What time do you want me to be there?”

------

“They’re here!”

Summer and Christopher shared a look, his sigh of exasperation forcing her to walk over to him, placing her hands on his chest. “Be nice.”

“I’m letting them in my house, aren’t I?” Summer slapped his arm, forcing him to relent. “Fine. I’ll be fair. For now.”

“There will be no embarrassing stories or threats of violence issued, do I make myself clear?” Summer wagged her finger and turned away, purposely switching her hips, hiding her smirk when her husband slapped her ass and whistled.

“Mama! Papa!”

“Coming,” Summer called out, speeding up her pace as she made her way out the study and down the hall, allowing a kind smile to grace her face as she was met with her children and their friends.

Elysha was the first to speak, clearing her throat. “Mama, this is--”

“Jason,” she guessed, withholding her laugh when Elysha seemed surprised, while Summer pointed to the tall young man with striking green eyes and dark brown hair that grazed past his ears. Strangely enough, he reminded her of Christopher in some of the family albums she’d been shown during one of the many family dinners with her in-laws.

“I told you I have eyes in the back of my head.” Jason gave a nervous laugh that prompted her to take it easy on him. He seemed terrified.

Finally, he spoke, giving a weak clearing of his throat.. “Yes ma’am. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Elysha cleared her throat, reminding him about the flowers in his hands. “I’m sorry. These are for you.”

“Thank you.” Her smile widened as she sniffed them. “Gardenias. One of my favorites.”

He seemed relieved by that information, prompting her to turn to the young wide eyed girl who also looked as though she was close to passing out.

Emmett took advantage of the opportunity to introduce Madi. Summer smirked when she saw he had his hand on the small of the young lady’s back. “And mama, this is-”

“Madi.” Again, Summer was correct and almost offended by the surprise on their faces. “Do ya’ll not believe me when I tell you that I know everything?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s so nice to meet you as well--”

“--Madi.”

“--I love you.”

They spoke at the same time. Summer laughed and placed her hand on Madi’s shoulder who was clearly mortified by her unintentional confession.

“I mean--I don’t--I mean, I do, but….” Madi shut her eyes and quietly murmured, “I’ll just shut up now.”

Summer shook her head, never once dropping her friendly smile.

“You both need to relax. I promise you have nothing to be nervous about.” She nodded in the direction of the dining room. “Come on.” Summer guided the four to the room, stepping aside to allow them to enter while she turned around to direct them to their seats when Christopher finally decided to make his presence known.

“Sorry about that.” He rubbed his hands on the towel in his hands before tossing it over his shoulder. He approached Madi first. “Madison?”

She was clearly awestruck, eventually shaking her head to accept her handshake. “Please, call me Madi, Mr. Hemsworth. It’s so nice to meet you.”

He waved her off and smiled. “Chris is fine.” That smile dimmed when his eyes landed on Jason. “Hello.”

Elysha grabbed his hand, giving a light squeeze. “Papa, this is Jason.”

“Nice to meet you, Jason,” Christopher forced, squeezing Jason’s hand tighter than necessary but just enough to get his message across. “You play any sports, mate?”

“No. I mean, yes--basketball.” He swallowed deeply, remembering something else. “I also surf as well, Chris.”

“Mr. Hemsworth will be fine,” he corrected.

Summer rolled her eyes and shoved him. “Pay him no mind. Ya’ll sit down and make yourselves comfortable.”

“I’m sure you already have, though.” Christopher joked, earning a glare from Summer. “Come on, babe. No one throws a party like the twins.” A beat. “Speaking of, I’d say we could give you a tour, but I’m sure you both already know your way around.”

“Ignore him,” Summer interjected, shooting him a glare. “He’s still upset that you kids are able to throw a party better than we ever could when we were your age.”

That seemed to alleviate more of Jason’s nerves. “You used to party, Mrs. Hemsworth?”

“Boy,” she laughed. “If you don’t call me Summer.” Elysha smiled up at him, giving him a slight squeeze of his hand. “And what do you mean used to?”

Madi was also fully invested in the conversation, her fangirling almost impossible to contain. “You really are even nicer in person.”

“Don’t be fooled. It’s all an act.” Christopher interjected, walking over to pull the chair out for her. He noticed how Jason did the same for Elysha, and of course, Emmett with Madi.

“Ignore him. He’s actually hired help.”

Summer and Christopher shared a look as he rolled his eyes while murmuring. “Cute.” Sitting in his own seat, he jumped into the questions. “So, kids, tell us about yourselves.”

Madi and Jason shared a look when he told her to go first. Again, something else Christopher noticed.

“Well, I’m a junior, an only child, and my dad is in the Navy--”

“So, your family is stationed here?” Summer surmised.

“Yes ma’am.” Christopher and Summer exchanged a look, but unlike the previous ones, this was not a warning from wife to husband. This one was of silent concern. Madi wasn’t an Australian native. She would eventually return to the states. Both mother and father quietly wondered if that was something Emmett was taking into consideration.

After briefly discussing the shared commonalities of having active duty family members, Christopher turned the question back to Jason. “And what about you, young man?”

Summer contained her sigh at the way his eyes widened before he tentatively spoke. “Well, sir--”

“Chris is fine.”

Both Summer and Elysha looked over at that last statement, Summer with a smirk and Elysha with a small smile. Chris looked at his daughter and shot her a wink.

Jason, to Summer’s happiness, seemed thrilled by the stripping of the formal address.

“I, well, my family is originally from Melbourne--”

“Melbourne native, eh?”

“Yes, sir. My, uh, dad got a job up here when I was eight, and we’ve been here ever since.”

“Any siblings?”

Jason chuckled. “Believe it or not, two. I’m the middle child.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Christopher shrugged. “I’d say we’re the best.”

“Elysha and Madi.” Summer stood up and nodded to the kitchen. “Help me prepare the toss salad.”

“Yes ma’am.” Elysha also stood up and shot a reassuring look to Jason while Emmett gave one to Madi as well. As soon as the ladies were in the kitchen and the swinging doors shut, Summer released a sigh of relief. “Finally, that was too much testosterone.”

Madi laughed. “You and Mr--Chris are really nice, Summer.”

Elysha nodded and playfully bumped Madi with her hip. “Told you they were chill. Even my dad is being surprisingly nice to Jason.”

“Ladies, trust me, if Chris didn’t really like either of you, he would let you know. He’s just giving Jason a hard time because Elysha is his little girl. He’s always going to be protective.” She reached the bowl to Madi while speaking. “Just how I’m protective of my little boy.” Madi’s smile dimmed. “So you can imagine how proud I am to see his amazing taste in women.” She winked and laughed when Madi placed her hand over her chest.

She straightened up and spoke truthfully. “I really do like Emmett, Summer. He’s….he’s amazing.”

“He’s a jerk.”

“Shut it, Elysha,” Summer warned with a small head shake. “You know, Madi, you should join Lee and me on one of our spa days.”

Her jaw dropped. “A-are you serious?” She looked at Elysha who seemed just as thrilled by the idea of a spa day with her mom and good friend.

“Of course, and Emmett told me you’re in theater with Lee, so if you ever need any advice or have any questions, I’m always available.”

“I’m going to pass out.”

Summer laughed and gave Madi a side hug. “Welcome to the family, Ms. Madi.”

Just as Elysha and Madi shared excited squeals, Emmett stuck his head in the door.

“Mama, ya’ll almost done?”

“Boy, don’t rush us.”

He lifted his hands in surrender. “Sorry, mama, it’s just that Uncle Liam is here--”

“What?” She interrupted, hand on her hip. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“I don’t know, but dad just asked Jason how he feels about weekly, random drug tests.”

“Christopher!”

[crowdvscritic]

round up // NOVEMBER 20

Hi, I’m tired. Actually, my friend Celeste created a piece of art that puts the emphasis needed on that sentiment:

I’m very tired. November felt like it was three years and also felt like it went by in a blink and also I’m not sure where October ended and November began—how does time work like that? (I’ve yet to see Tenet, but maybe that will explain it.) But like Michael Scott, somehow I manage, and lately it’s been like this:

Late-night Etsy scrolling. Browsing beautiful, non-big-box-store artwork is very calming just before I go to bed. I’d recommend Etsy stores like Celeste’s chr paperie shop, which I know from experience is full of great Christmas gift ideas. 

Taking a day off of work to do laundry. I’m not sure if it’s more #adulting that I did that or that I was excited to do that.

Eating Ghiradelli chocolate chips straight from the bag. I actually don’t recommend this as a healthy option, but this is also not a health blog.

Watching lots and lots of ‘80s movies. One day I’ll ask a therapist why this decade of films is so comforting for me despite its many flaws, but for now I’m just rolling with it.

Reading. Have you heard of this? It’s a form of entertainment but doesn’t require screens—wild!

Memes. All good Pippin “Fool of a” Took jokes are welcome here.

Leaning into the Christmas spirit by ordering that Starbucks peppermint mocha, making plans to watch everything in that TCM Christmas book I haven’t seen, and keeping the lights on my hot pink tinsel tree on all day as I work from home.

This month’s Round Up is full of stuff that made me smile and stuff that sucked me into its world—I think they’ll do the same for you, too.

November Crowd-Pleasers

Sister Act (1992)

If in four years you aren’t in an emotional state to watch election results roll in, I recommend watching Whoopi Goldberg pretend to be a nun for 100 minutes. (Though, incidentally, if you want to watch that clip edited to specifically depict how the results came in this year, you’ll need to watch Sister Act 2.) This musical-comedy is about as feel-good as it gets, meaning there’s no reason you should wait four more years to watch it. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

Nevada Memes

Speaking of election results, Nevada memes. That’s it—that’s the tweet. Vulture has a round up of some of the best.

SNL Round Up

Laugh and enjoy!

“Cinema Classics: The Birds” (4605 with John Mulaney)

“Uncle Ben” (4606 with Dave Chappelle)

RoboCop (1987)

I’m not surprised I liked RoboCop, but I am surprised at why I liked RoboCop. Not only is this a boss action blockbuster, it’s an investigation into consumerism and the commodification of the human body. It’s also a critique of institutions that treat crime like statistics instead of actions done by people that impact people. That said, it’s also movie about a guy who’s fused with a robot and melts another guy’s face off with toxic sludge, so there’s a reason I’m not listing this under the Critic section. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Double Feature – ‘80s Comedies: National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) + Major League (1989)

The ‘80s-palooza is in full swing! In Vacation (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10), Chevy Chase just wants to spend time with his family on a vacation to Wally World, but wouldn’t you know it, Murphy’s Law kicks into gear as soon as the Griswold family shifts from out of Park. The brilliance of the movie is that every one of these terrible things is plausible, but the Griswolds create the biggest problems themselves. In Major League (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, and Wesley Snipes are Cleveland’s last hope for a winning baseball team. Like the Griswolds, mishaps and hijinks ensue in their attempt to prevent their greedy owner from moving the Indians to Miami, but the real win is this movie totally gets baseball fans. Like most ‘80s movies, not everything in this pair has aged well, but they brought some laughs when I needed them most.

This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens (2020)

They’re born a minute apart in the same hospital, but they don’t meet until their 30th birthday on New Year’s Day. So, yes, it’s a little bit Serendipity, and it’s a little bit sappy, but those are both marks in this book’s favor. This Time Next Year is a time-hopping rom-com with lots of almost-meet-cutes that will have you laughing, believing in romantic twists of fate, and finding hope for the new year.

Double Feature – ‘80s Angsty Teens: Teen Wolf (1985) + Uncle Buck (1989)

In the ‘80s, Hollywood finally understood the angsty teen, and this pair of comedies isn’t interested in the melodrama earlier movies like Rebel Without a Cause were depicting. (I’d recommend Rebel, but not if you want to look back on your teen years with any sense of humor.) In Teen Wolf (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5/10), Michael J. Fox discovers he’s a werewolf.one that looks more like the kid in Jumanji than any other portrayal of a werewolf you’ve seen. It’s a plot so ‘80s and so bizarre you won’t believe this movie was greenlit.

In Uncle Buck (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), John Candy is attempting to connect with the nieces and nephew he hasn’t seen in years, including one moody high schooler. (Plus, baby Gaby Hoffman and pre-Home Alone Macauley Culkin!) This is my second pick from one of my all-time fave filmmakers, John Hughes (along with National Lampoon’s Vacation, above), and it’s one more entry that balances heart and humor in a way only he could do. You can see where I rank this movie in Hughes’s pantheon on Letterboxd.

Lord of the Rings memes

This month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla and I revisited The Lord of the Rings, a trilogy we love almost as much as we love Gilmore Girls. You can listen to our episode about the series on your fave podcast app, and you can laugh through hundreds of memes like I did for “research” on Twitter.

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson (2019)

Most adults are afraid of children’s temper tantrums, but can you imagine how terrified you’d be if they caught on fire in their fits of rage? That’s the premise of this novel, which begins when an aimless twentysomething becomes the nanny of a Tennessee politician’s twins who burst into flames when they get emotional. The book is filled with laugh-out-loud moments but never leaves behind the human emotion you need to make a magical realistic story.

An Officer and a Gentlemen (1982)

Speaking of aimless twentysomethings and emotion, feel free to laugh, cry, and swoon through this melodrama in the ‘80s canon. Richard Gere meanders his way into the Navy when he has nowhere else to go, and he tries to survive basic training, work through his family issues, and figure out his future as he also falls in love with Debra Winger. So, yeah, it’s a schamltzier version of Top Gun, but it’s schmaltz at its finest. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

November Critic Picks

Double Feature – ‘40s Amensia Romances: Random Harvest (1942) + The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)

Speaking of schmaltz at its finest, let me share a few more titles fitting that description. In Random Harvest (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Greer Garson falls in love with a veteran who can’t remember his life before he left for war. In The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Gene Tierney discovers a ghost played by a crotchety Rex Harrison in her new home. Mild spoiler: Both feature amnesiac plot developments, and while amnesia has become a cliché in the long history of romance films, Harvest is moving enough and Mr. Muir is charming enough that you won’t roll your eyes. You can see these and more romances complicated by forced forgetfulness in this Letterboxd round up.

The African Queen (1951)

It’s Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn directed by John Huston—I mean, I don’t feel like I need to explain why this is a winner. Bogart (in his Oscar-winning role) and Hepburn star in a two-hander script, dominating the screen time except for a select few scenes with supporting cast. The pair fight for survival while cruising on a small boat called The African Queen during World War I (in Africa, natch), and the two make this small story feel grand and epic. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

A young man’s (Dennis Price) mother is disowned from their wealthy family because she marries for love. After her death, he seeks vengeance by killing all of the family members ahead of him in line to be the Duke D'Ascoyne. The twist? All of his victims are played by Sir Alec Guinness! Almost every character in this black comedy is a terrible person, so you won’t be too sorry to see them go—you can just enjoy the creative “accidents” he stages and stay in suspense on whether our “hero” gets his comeuppance. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife (1937)

What would you do if you found out you were to be someone’s eighth wife? Well, it’s probably not what Claudette Colbert does in this screwball comedy that reminds me a bit of Love Crazy. This isn’t the first time I’ve recommended Colbert, Gary Cooper, or Ernst Lubitsch films, so it’s no surprise these stars and this director can make magic together in this hilarious battle of the wills. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Red Shoes (1948)

I love stories about the competition between your life and your art, and The Red Shoes makes that competition literal. Moira Shearer plays a ballerina who feels life is meaningless without dancing—then she falls in love. That’s an oversimplification of a rich character study and some of the most beautiful ballet on film, but I can’t do it justice in a short paragraph. Just watch (perhaps while you’re putting up your hot pink tinsel tree?) and soak in all the goodness. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 10/10

The Third Man (1949)

Everybody loves to talk about Citizen Kane, and with the release of Mank on Netflix, it’s newsworthy again. But don’t miss this other ‘40s team up of Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles. Cotten is a writer digging for the truth of his friend’s (Welles) death in a mysterious car accident. Eyewitness accounts differ on what happened, and who was the third man at the scene only one witness remembers? 71 years later, this movie is still tense, and this actor pairing is still electric. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

The Untouchables (1987)

At the end of October, we lost Sean Connery. I looked back on his career first by writing a remembrance for ZekeFilm and then by watching The Untouchables. (In a perfect world I would’ve reversed that order, but c’est la vie.) In my last selection from the ‘80s, Connery and Kevin Costner attempt to convict Robert De Niro’s Al Capone of anything that will stick and end his reign of crime in Chicago. Directed by Brian De Palma and set to an Ennio Morricone soundtrack, this film is both an exciting action flick and an artistic achievement that we literally discussed in one of my college film classes. Connery won his Oscar, and K. Cos is giving one of the best of his career, too. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9.5/10

Remember the Night (1940)

Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck in my favorite team up yet! Double Indemnity may be the bona fide classic in the canon, but this Christmas story—with MacMurray as a district attorney prosecuting shoplifter Stanwyck— is a charmer. I’ve added it to my list of must-watch Christmas movies—watch for some holiday cheer and rom-com feels. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Photo credits: chr paperie. Books my own. All others IMDb.com.

[now-i-understand-that-reference]

I just remembered having this stashed somewhere in my library... It’s a movie dossier for Swing Kids (1993), featuring info about the cast, the production, and some nice colour photos. It’s pretty nice :)

Thought I’d share and leave a link to the pdf scan if anyone’s curious, but since the text is in French, I’ll leave a translation for the parts related to the production under the cut hoping that my knowledge of French is still enough after decades of not speaking it. I’ll leave out the historical background and the cultural information as you can probably read that online whenever you want :)

You can find the pdf here

PRODUCTION NOTES

From the rebellion to the participation

Jonathan Marc Feldman (screenwriter):

«Can a youth rebellion lead to an authentic revolt? This is the question I asked myself when learning about the existence of this protest movement, which was born under the nazi regime, and which was called The Swing Kids. These young people appeared to me as the symbol of the strength of the human spirit: if a revolt was able to express itself in such an oppressive context, are not all hopes allowed?»

Jonathan Marc Feldman’s script evokes the friendship between two seventeen-year-old adolescents, Peter Muller and Thomas Berger, both firmly determined not to enlist in the Hitler Youth. When circumstances beyond their control eventually force them to join the “JH”, the two boys claim they will resist their hold: they will be “JH” by day and “Swing Kids” by night. But is it possible to belong to a totalitarian movement without submitting to it with body and soul?

Robert Sean Leonard (Peter Muller):

«SWING KIDS begins in 1939, before the invasion of Czechoslovakia and Poland. Peter, like many young people, does not have a sharp political conscience, although he guesses what is happening in the country. He is divided between the swing, which allows him to “have a blast”, and the pride of serving his homeland by submitting. These two temptations are equally powerful, and it is only after discovering the true nature of nazism that Peter will make the right choice.»

Christian Bale (Thomas Berger):

«SWING KIDS is also, and above all, a movie about friendship. Peter and Thomas make divergent choices that will gradually distance them from each other. Thomas does not resist the seduction of the Hitler Youth, he lets the Party’s ideology corrupt him and becomes a cog of the nazi machine. But in the end, the friendship that ties him to Peter will win.»

The origins of the project

After discovering the existence of the Swing Kids in an obscure historical review, Jonathan Marc Feldman undertook in-depth personal research and collected solid documentation about this movement. Passionate about the subject, he quickly communicated his enthusiasm to producers Mark Gordon and John Bard Manulis, who dedicated four years to the development of the script. «It was clear that it could have given rise to a great movie» Gordon points out, «it was a rare opportunity to make a historical movie that speaks to today’s young people» adds Manulis, who personally funded the development of the script. «The Swing Kids looked for their identity in music and dance, just like the following generations, and it was fascinating to observe the contrast between the social oppression they were experiencing and the - incredibly free - form of expression they had adopted».

Jonathan Marc Feldman:

«The young Germans were attracted by the swing because it represented a new, wild, radically original sound. The swing of the years 38-39 possessed a violence that we can clearly perceive in the famous “Sing, Sing, Sing” by Benny Goodman. Moreover, this music was strictly forbidden, for its Jewish and black origin. The mere fact of listening to it was a political challenge.

These young people were fervent anglophiles, who walked with an umbrella at any season, wore Anthony Eden hats, puffy trousers, Scottish coats. They dressed with great elegance and let their hair grow like Hollywood cowboys. Rejected and despised by the good Germanic society, they were the hippies and the punks of their generation».

To make SWING KIDS, Mark Gordon and John Bard Manulis chose Thomas Carter, prestigious television director, winner of several Emmies, who here signs his first movie.

Thomas Carter:

«I immediately liked the SWING KIDS script. It illuminates a reality that few people know. It is both the painting of a generation and the story of a teenager faced with a painful choice that will make him a man».

John Bard Manulis:

«Thomas Carter is very interested in history and how it repeats itself. He captured all the dimensions of the subject, its nuances, its emotional substrate, and staged it brilliantly».

Filming

Mark Gordon Carter, co-producer Harry Benn and chief decorator Allan Cameron visited five countries in ten days before picking Czechoslovakia. The movie was filmed in Prague and in the Barrandos Studios.

Allan Cameron (chief decorator):

«The centre of Prague, which dates back to the Middle Ages, is of great beauty. There are still cobbled streets, beautiful buildings spared from the bombings, remarkable textures and colors. Another advantage: the architectural diversity of the Old Town makes it possible to recreate almost any city in Central Europe».

The main sets of the movie were built at Barrandov Studios, which are among the largest in Europe. Founded in 1931, they offer technical means and financial conditions that seduce international producers: in parallel with the filming of SWING KIDS, Lucasfilm produced the series “Young Indiana Jones” and BBC produced a new version of “The Trial”.

Other big sets were built at Barrandov, and about sixty interiors and exteriors were made with the help of a small British team surrounded by many local technicians. An old 18th century riding school served as the setting for the scene of the Hitler Youth gathering; a residence in the embassy district became the apartment of Thomas’s rich parents; the Prague Library was converted into the SS headquarters and a vast theatre room was redecorated from the top to the bottom for the spectacular sequences of the Bismarck Café.

Casting

In parallel with the location hunting, Carter and his producers started the casting operations by selecting Robert Sean Leonard, one of the protagonists of DEAD POETS SOCIETY, for the role of Peter.

Thomas Carter:

«Robert is an outstanding actor, both for his gifts and for his modesty and availability. We couldn’t have made a better choice. I personally consider him one of the best actors I’ve ever worked with».

To prepare for the role of Peter, which required his daily presence on the set during the ten weeks of filming, Leonard began by reading several studies about Nazi Germany. «But soon I understood that my character had no knowledge of how the Third Reich operated. So I focused my research on the swing, by listening to countless recordings of the great artists of this era. This dance rediscovers the madness of the Twenties and anticipates the promiscuity of the Sixties. Very physical, it entails a huge expenditure of energy and demands great vitality».

For the role of Thomas Berger, the producers hired Christian Bale, revelation of EMPIRE OF THE SUN, and for that of Arvid, Frank Whaley, one of the main performers of Oliver Stone’s THE DOORS. Barbara Hershey (crowned in Cannes for SHY PEOPLE and A WORLD APART) was chosen to play Frau Muller, Peter’s mother.

The other performers were selected with special care, in Austria, The Netherlands, Wales and the United States. «The casting was hard and required a lot of work» concludes Thomas Carter, «I am particularly pleased with it, as it has allowed us to rediscover the emotional atmosphere of the time».

The swing

Robert Sean Leonard and Christian Bale devoted many hours to learning swing, under the guide of New York choreographer Otis Sallid, to whom we owe the dance sequences of MALCOLM X. Sallid recruited a group of Czech, English, American and French dancers, that he initiated with his assistants to the provocative rhythms of swing, jitterbug and lindy hop, and to the “degenerate” music of Benny Goodman, Count Basie and Django Reinhardt, censored by the Reich for reasons of “racial impurity”.

Jonathan Marc Feldman:

«We picked the most attractive compositions for a contemporary ear and those that the Swing Kids actually listened to, that I was able to find. Among the latter are forgotten numbers such as “Harlem”, which was very popular at the time. By working with Robert Kraft at the re-recordings, we attempted to capture the extraordinary power, vitality of this music. In its beginnings, the swing did not resemble any other form of music. Later, it became more civilized and disciplined, but in the late Thirties it was deeply subversive, captivating. Young people gave themselves to it completely, forgetting about everything else...»

[mirkwoodshewolf]

My #1 fan; Ben Hardy x child sister reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well here I am with yet another BoRhap boy story, this time it's of Ben Hardy (god it's been FOREVER since I wrote a story of Benny boi) but here it is. Now this is a Big Brother!Ben fic so unlike the last time there is NO ROMANCE, JUST FLUFFY PLATONIC GOODNESS THAT I CAN DISH UP!!!! Also in this fic I would like to point out that I do NOT OWN WORLD OF DANCE!! IT BELONGS TO J-LO AND NBC and all the people involved with the making of this amazing dance competition (if you haven't heard of it, go check it out the recent season is out NOW!!) Also watch the video links (from actual previous competitors on the show) to get a feel of what I'm seeing for the dances cause I am NOT  dancer so I do not know all the moves that you dancers do out there, but I hope you all still enjoy this fic :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@platawnic

@queendeakyy

@geek-and-proud

@kairosfreddie

@iambambi5

______________________________________________________________

God it feels like it’s been forever since we’ve seen each other.  From the time I got my first real American movie role in X-men Apocalypse, everything just seemed to fold right before me.  From my biggest success of Bohemian Rhapsody (where I became best friends with probably the three greatest guys in the world), followed by the Netflix movie 6 Underground with Ryan Reynolds (and yes he’s just as hilarious and humble as he presents himself).

My life has just exploded from there, I try to be home whenever I can but when I do, she’s just as busy as I am.  

Now that things have calmed down on my end and she’s preparing for an upcoming audition on a dance show, I can finally take the time to go see her (especially now since I’m in LA where she’s to audition). God I haven’t seen her in years, I wonder how she’s been?

“BENJAMIN!!!” Joe’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned to him.

“Hmm what?”

“Geez mate you were really out of it back there. We’ve been trying to get your attention for like 10 minutes.” Gwil said as he sipped his beer.

“Oh sorry guys, I was just—thinking.”

“And just who was it that had your attention so badly that you tuned out from the rest of the world?” teased Rami.

“Benjamin Hardy are you cheating on me!? Oh my god you’re cheating! Who is it! What��s their name!?” Joe accused me.  I rolled my eyes as I shoved him.

“Is it a girl?” Rami asked.

“Oh great. Now I gotta get breast implants just to get you to notice me.” Joked Joe.  We all looked at him strangely and I said.

“Not in that way, but yes I am thinking about a girl. My sister actually.”

“Your sister? You—never mentioned a sister before.” Gwil said.

“I kinda like to keep her separate from my name.”

“What you guys don’t get along?” asked Joe.

“No, no we get along amazingly. We’re each other’s #1 fans. But ever since Bohemian Rhapsody everyone now knows my name. I don’t want people comparing the two of us and making her feel like I’m outshining her. That’s one of the other reasons why I changed my last name from Jones to Hardy.”

“Is she an actress too?” Rami asked with a head tilt.

“No, no. She’s a dancer actually.”

“A dancer? Fancy.” Joe said in a posh accent.

“What kind of dancing does she do?” Gwil said.

“Mostly contemporary. But she also does ballet and a bit of Hip-hop. This one competition she was on, she actually combined ballet and hip-hop together. Got 1st place for it, and was the youngest winner to ever win the Glasgow dance competition.” They all whistled.

“She must be good then, how old is she?”

“She was 7 years old.” They all gaped at me.

“You’re joking right?” Joe said with wide eyes and a gaped mouth.

“No, not at all. In fact in her ballet school where she trains, she’s actually the youngest student to have been chosen to get a full run scholarship to the London Academy for Dance. Once she’s 12 years old, they’ll give her the full ride.”

“Wait, wait, wait. How old is she now?” Gwil asked.

“She’s nine.”

“So they’re gonna hold onto her scholarship for another three years?” Rami said.  I nodded.

“Damn she must be good for them to do that.” Joe said with a sigh.

“She is. Fell in love with dancing at 2 years old and did her first pirouette within the first three months of joining her ballet school.”

“Geez, and my sister couldn’t do one till she was about 9.”

“Guess my sister’s got yours beat.” I teased to Joe.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah don’t rub it in.”

“So Ben, when was the last time you saw her?”

“Five years.” I said as I sipped my beer solemnly.

“Wait what? You haven’t seen your sister in five years!?” Joe gawked.

“I told you guys, ever since X-men it’s been one project after another. And even when I did have a break, she was out of state doing a competition either with her school or as a soloist. But—hopefully that’ll change in the next few weeks. She’s actually here in LA.”

“She is?” Rami said.  I nodded.

“Yeah. She’s auditioning for some sort of dance show they film here.”

“So you think you can dance is doing a junior competition now?” asked Joe.

“No not that one. It’s a recent one. They’ve only done like 3 or 4 seasons of it. I think it’s called Dancing world…..no World of Dance. That’s it.”

“Oh that show is awesome! I’ve auditioned for that show.” Joe bragged.

“No you haven’t.” Rami exclaimed at Joe’s lie.

“I’m serious I auditioned during their first 2 seasons. Couldn’t commit cause of obvious reasons.”

“I’m calling BS on that.” Gwil said as he leaned back.

“Uhh excuse me; who got the part of the Disco Deacy? Me. Who perfected the BAB dance? Me. I’m perfectly qualified to be a dancer. In fact why don’t we go see your little sis and she can be the judge!”

“What?”

“You heard me, right now! Let’s go see her!” Joe said as he downed his drink and stood up.

“Hang on guys……”

“Well besides of Joe’s reason, I think it’d be fair for us to meet your little sis. I mean we’ve practically seen each other’s siblings. You all met my twin Sami and my sis Jasmine.”

“I agree with Rami, and you all met my older brother at my engagement party.”

“And of course you all met John and Mary at the BoRhap premiere.” At this rate I knew I wasn’t going to win this argument.

“Fine. I—guess I’ll call up my mum and ask her where she’s rehearsing at.” I just hope (y/n) doesn’t mind having my friends come and see her rehearse.

Cause when she’s in rehearsal mode, she can be quite the little jumpy bug.

*My POV*

Two days.  I had two days till the Qualifier rounds for World of Dance.  I had my routine down to the T and my mum says it’s perfect (but she has to say that she’s my mum), however I’m still doubting myself on some of the moves, or if I’m not showing enough emotion (cause J-Lo loves herself some dancers who can convey emotion).

I was sitting in the rehearsal room having myself a break after rehearsing my dance for the past half hour.  I had this studio slotted for a 45min. rehearsal so I had about 15 minutes left to practice.

“I swear each time you dance your routine, you get more graceful every time.” Mum said as she came in with some lunch.

“Thanks mum, but is it good enough for the judges?”

“I know it is.” I chose not to respond to her. Like I said she has to say these things, but I know there are some flaws to my dance.  I didn’t stick the landing hard enough, I tripped up on the landing from the 540, my leg wasn’t straight enough with I lifted it outward, so many flaws. “Oh I forgot, there’s a little surprise waiting for you downstairs.”

“Mum I—I don’t know. I mean I haven’t even found out if I’ll make it into the next round.”

“Trust me love, you’ll like this surprise.” She raced over to the door and opened it and soon coming in my brother and his three friends from his film Bohemian Rhapsody.

“Benny!” I cheered as I hopped off my seat and raced right over to him.  A huge smile spread across his face as he extended his arms out and caught me as he picked me up and spun me around.

“Hey kiddo oh it’s been forever! Oh you’ve gotten so big since I last saw you.”

“I missed you Benny.”

“I missed you too kiddo. God you have no idea how much I missed you.” he said as he repeatedly kissed the top of my head.

“Your brother happened to be in LA so we planned a little surprise visit for you.” mum said as she closed the door.

“And I hope you don’t mind that I brought a few friends over.” Ben said as he gestured towards the three actors who starred with him on Bohemian Rhapsody.

“I don’t mind. I’ve heard so much about these guys that I figured it’s about time I met them in person.” He set me down and I walked up to the actor who played the legendary Freddie Mercury. “Rami Malek, right?”

“That is correct, and you must be his famous little dancing sister.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself famous yet, but I hope to be one day.” We shook hands with each other.  I then moved onto the next one, the tallest out of all of them who even looked like Brian May even without the wig. “Now forgive me if I pronounce your name wrong, my Welsh isn’t that great. Is it—Gwilym.” I pronounced the “I” like I was saying “ice cream”.

“Close, it’s pronounced Gwilym. Think of the “wi” like will.”

“Right, sorry.”

“No worries—(Y/n) right?”

“Yeah.” We both shook hands with each other and I told him, “Can I just say, I thought you were phenomenal as Brian May.”

“Well thank you love, I take it you’re a Queen fan as well?”

“Yeah. You can thank Benny for that. He introduced me to the band when I was a little girl. I even did a dance routine to White Queen when I was around 4-5 years old.”

“Wow, if you remember it, we’d sure like to see it.” Rami said.

“I think I might remember it. Again it was a while ago so I might improvise something if I don’t remember the whole routine.”

“No problem there.” Rami said with a warm smile. I then moved on to the last actor who played (my personal favorite member of Queen, John Deacon).

“So you’re the famous Joe Mazzello that my brother won’t shut up about.”

“Sure am kid. And you’re the world time dance champion and scholarship holder for the best London dance academy ehh?”

“You could say that.”

“Well little missy I happen to be a dance champion too, and I challenge you to a dance off!” Already I could see Ben, Gwilym and Rami either shaking their heads or rolling their eyes as Joe’s proclamation.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with my brother would it?”

“And if it is?” questioned Joe in a challenging manner.

“No reason.” I shrugged. “Just hope you’re prepared to lose.” The guys all oooh in a challenging manner and that’s when Joe nodded along.

“Okay, okay little one. But I’m giving it all I got so you better watch out.” I gestured that the dancefloor was all his.  Gwil went over to the stereo and went through my Spotify app till he found the song that Joe wanted to dance to.

He chose Wham’s ‘Wake me up before you go-go’. I’ll admit he has some pretty good moves—for an amateur.  After doing a minute and a half of his little on the spot dance moves, he posed as he panted heavily.

“It was okay.” I shrugged.

“Okay?”

“Yeah I mean—it was…..cute. It was cute. For like an Instagram or TikTok video.”

“Okay then little miss Prima donna. Show me your little ballet moves.” Challenged Joe.  Oh he don’t know me very well, do he? I first took off my ballet shoes and put on my sneakers.

I told Gwilym which song to play and he nodded to me that he would wait till I was ready before he played the song.  I now stood in the middle of the room and took a deep breath before turning to Gwilym.  He nodded and pressed his finger on my phone to play the song and soon YG’s “One time coming” began playing.

Play video

With this song I unleashed my Hip-hop background. Poppin and locking my body when needed, going in time with the beat, even doing things with my limbs to which no one had ever seen (like this one move where I had my right arm out and only by moving my left index finger, either the upper or lower portion of my arm would move up).

The guys and my mum were amazed and just in awe at my dancing.  And when I did a little patterned tip-toe strut with my arms tucked in like duck wings, did I hear the guys exclaim and just flip out.  When my minute and a half dance break was over, I flipped my hair towards Joe telling him that he got owned.

In pure defeat, Joe collapsed to the ground and lay there dead while my brother came up and hoisted me onto his shoulder.

“The winner and undefeated champion of the dance. (Y/n) Jones!” I bowed and thanked the guys and my mum as they cheered. Benny set me back down on the ground just as Joe finally came up and revived himself.  I stood before him and he said.

“You surprise me kiddo. I accept defeat. Benjamin is yours.”

“Well he is my brother. But—we can share him.” At hearing that, Joe took me in his arms and spun me around thanking me repeatedly.

“Do you think whenever we get some free time, could you show me some stuff. I really liked that little tip-toe strut.”

“I learned it from a friend of mine whose into Hip-hop back at my school. In fact he competed on the first season of World of Dance he and his group. They didn’t win but they got to the Semi-finals.”

“That’s awesome. You really are the dance master. And I can’t wait to see what you bring to the World of Dance stage.”

“In fact (Y/n), can we see your routine?” asked Ben.

“Yeah I was just about to ask that. Ben’s told us that while you can combine certain genres of dance, your main focus was on contemporary. I’ve always been intrigued anytime someone says they’re a contemporary dancer.” Gwilym said.  I turned to my mum and asked her how long did I have for rehearsal.

When she told me five minutes, I knew I could show them my audition routine that I had planned.  But after that we had to leave cause the next group to come in had to set up their things and warmup.  

The guys all took a seat along the mirrored wall while my mum handled the music.

Once my song began playing, I did my entire routine before the guys.  Showing Ben’s friends that while I can unleash the beast in Hip-hop, I can be as graceful and elegant as a swan.

After the routine was done, I got a standing ovation from all four of the guys as they applauded and whistled.  I gathered up my stuff and as I did, the guys all swarmed around me telling me what an amazing job I did, and that for some of the *cough*Joe*cough* I had them crying by the end of my routine.

We then left the dance studio and Ben’s friends allowed us to have our own personal family time (since Ben and I hadn’t seen each other in literally five years).  We said our goodbyes and soon our mum took us out to eat as sorta a family reunion/congratulations on all of our combined successes.

It was time.  The World of Dance qualifier rounds.  Today was my filming date and I knew in several weeks they would soon air it on TV worldwide.  Now I have performed in front of crowd before, but this—this was something else.

And not to even make me twice as nervous, I have seen what people comment on the show or the specific dancers.  Most of them are nice comments but then again it’s the Internet so there’s bound to be haters out there.

This one girl from last season just a few years older than me got so much hate in fact, that she ended up shutting down her Twitter page and I��m told she gave up on dancing all together.  I don’t know what I’m gonna do if that ends up being me.

I was running my routine through my head and stretching myself out.  With me to support me was my mum, Ben and Ben’s friends of Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami, Gwil and Joe.  With each dancing group or person that went up, I got more and more nervous.  Soon a producer came up to me and said.

“(Y/n), you’ll be on up after The Jumperz.”

“Okay, thank you.” I told him.  He nodded and walked away from me, at that moment I felt like I wanted to puke.

“Hey kiddo, how’s it going?” I looked up to see Ben standing over me.

“Good, very good.” He sat down beside me, his brow furrowed with concern.  Crap he knows, he always knows.

“You sure?” at this point I knew I couldn’t hide it anymore.  I tucked my legs into my chest and curled myself into a ball.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore Ben.”

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. Can we go home? Yeah, yeah let’s go home.” I said as I stood up.

“Now hold on, hold on love.” He took my hand into his stopping me from even walking away. “Let’s just sit down and talk about it real quick.” He stood up and we went outside of the room and stood along the hallway.

I leaned up against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest protectively and my leg bouncing with anxiety.

“Talk to me sis, what’s going on?”

“I just……I’m scared Ben. I don’t know why I am, I’ve performed in front of an audience before, I don’t know why I’m this nervous. It’s stupid I know.”

“Hey, hey, hey. No it’s not.” He said to me gently as he cupped my face, trying his best to not ruin my makeup. “You’re human, you have every right to be nervous. I’ll bet not a single one of these dancers you’re competing against isn’t feeling what you’re feeling now. And some of these guys might’ve been with well-known performers and are still feeling the nerves.”

“Is it always this nerve wracking for you every time you film something?” he nodded.

“Of course it is. I’m always worried about people’s reactions to me on screen. Even with all the positive feedback I get, I always keep my eye focused on that one negative outlook, no matter how many people say I’m good in a role.”

“I just don’t want the haters to pull me away from my dream like they did to that one dancer that came on the show last season.”

“Come here, have a seat in my lap.” He sat down on the floor and guided me till I was now sitting on his lap, holding me like a teddy bear. “There will always be haters and trolls out there in the world. That’s just what they get off of, is by bringing other people down, especially kids who go on shows like this. It’s wrong and vile but I won’t say you won’t encounter some hate. But the one thing you must keep in mind; is to never, ever let them dictate on who you are as a person.”

“Do you think I can do that?”

“Absolutely. You’re incredibly talented, you’re smart, kind, the most talented person I’ve ever met. I mean yeah I can dance but nowhere near to the level that you can. Hell you even beat out Joe in that little dance competition when you first met him a couple days ago.”

“I did do that, didn’t I?” he chuckled.

“You schooled him.”

“Ben no one says that anymore.”

“Whatever I’m a 90’s kid that was the lingo back then.”

“Back in the ancient times.” He scoffed.

“Alright miss smart-aleck I guess since you’re feeling well enough to sass me off you don’t need me anymore.” He plopped me off his lap and went to stand up but I gripped his shirt and begged.

“No Benny please!” all I could hear was his soft laughter.  I hit his arm and pouted. “You are so mean!”

“Aww sissy, you know I can’t help but be a little cheeky with you.” he teased as he playfully nudged my shoulder with his arm. I smiled and nodded.

“Yeah I know cause that’s your job.”

“It is my job. Well one of the many qualifications of being your Big Brother. The most important one though, is to be there for you when you need it.” He stroked the top of my head and I hugged him.

“Thanks Ben. I’m glad that you could be here.”

“Me too. And hey, accepted or not. I’m proud of all that you’ve done in your dancing career.” He whispered in my ear as he gave me a snug embrace.  

After our little bro-sis cuddle, we separated from each other and he asked me, “Do you still feel nervous?”

“A little but not as much.”

“Okay so there are two options we can do here; we can shake out the nerves, or my favorite—I can tickle them out of you.”

“No Ben you’ll ruin my costume!” I whined out as he chuckled.

“Okay, so we’ll shake them out then.” We both stood up and did our nerve shakeout.

Which was basically what he learned in theatre which was just shaking out your hands and feet counting backwards from 10, but each time we’d count, we’d go a bit faster.  Once we got one, Ben picked me up and spun me around before setting me down.

“Better?”

“Better.”

“Good, oh wait one last thing before you go out, gotta shake out those negative thoughts in that brain of yours.” He cupped my face in his hands and playfully shook my head around as he growled out in an angry tone, “Get out of my sister’s head you dirty rotter’s!”

“Ben!” I laughed.  He stopped as he grinned down at me.

“Had to make sure. You look beautiful, and I know you’re gonna wow everyone out there, especially the judges.”

“Thanks Benny. I love you.”

“Love you too kiddo.” He gave my nose a peck before escorting me back into the dance room.  A producer was calling out my name, I looked up at Ben and he nodded to me before I went racing off towards the producer to tell him I was here.

When he saw me, he guided me towards the corridor where I would walk down, go up the stairs and racing across towards the stage. I could hear the chanting claps of the audience and their cheers and soon I heard the announcer say through the speaker.

“Give it up, for (Y/n) Jones.” I raced across the corridor, took the steps two at a time before racing across the catwalk towards the stage.  As soon as I came on stage, everyone cheered and soon I was standing before Ne-Yo, Derek Hough, and Jennifer Lopez.  They greeted me with waves or nods and I waved to them.

“Hello sweetie.” Jennifer greeted me.

“Hi.” I waved back to her.

“Why don’t you tell us your name?”

“My name is (Y/n) Jones and I’m from London, England.”

“Oh a British Dancer. Finally someone from the UK.” Derek proclaimed.

“So how old are you?” Ne-Yo asked me.

“I just turned nine last month.” At that the crowd cheered for me and that’s when Ne-Yo said.

“Well happy belated birthday.”

“Thank you Ne-Yo.” He winked at me and said to me.

“Let’s see what you got (Y/n).” I nodded and handed my microphone to one of the assistants before racing off towards the back of the stage as the lights went down.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in before exhaling slowly.  This was it, make it or break it.

*Ben’s POV*

From backstage, my mum, the guys and I along with the other dancers could watch and see what was going on stage.  I pressed my hands together in a prayer motion as I had them against my lips, c’mon little sis I know you can do it.

*Play video*

Her song routine, Ashes by Celine Dion soon came on through the speakers and she began her routine.  The lights softly lit up in a sunrise color of yellow, orange, and purple.  She truly shined as her dance went on, going slow when she needed before finally sticking the landing or going with the beat of the song.

That entire stage was hers to command and she used the entirety of that stage for her routine.  I could hear the judges voices sound impressed with my sister’s routine, especially once the chorus struck and the hard drumbeats of the song kicked in.

The crowd was just in awe and applauded my sister, dazzled by her grace yet strength she was giving them in her performance.  Doing her 540’s, leg lifts, front flips, she was like the Freddie Mercury of dancing on that stage as she showed her true colors on that stage, especially as it lit up with her as the song got more powerful.

By the end of it when she stood up and just gave that pleading face of help as she reached out towards J-Lo, the lights went dark and the entire audience went nuts.  

“That was even amazing with the lights.” Said Joe.

“Agreed, she really lit that stage up.” Rami agreed.

“That’s our girl.” Mum said as I wrapped my arm around her.

“Alright, alright, alright, alright (Y/n). Now remind me how old you are?” Derek said.

“I just turned nine.” At that point Derek stood up from his chair flipping his pen which made everyone laugh. “Girl you look like you’ve been doing this for 20 years.” Everyone laughed.

“How old were you when you got into dancing?” asked J-Lo.

“I was 2.” (y/n) responded.

“Well it shows that you definitely have a passion for this. And you literally have been doing this your whole life. Just seeing you being able to do moves that—I couldn’t even do at your age till I was much older, that to me…..shows you have true love for dancing. And you already gave me goosies little missy and we just met you.”

“Uh-oh Jennifer with her goosies.” Ne-Yo said.

“She gave them to me, the goosies do not lie!”

“No they do not.” Derek said before he continued, “But just like Jennifer said. I mean my sister and I we did some contemporary a bit as kids but nowhere could we master it down just like you’ve done (Y/n). And that final move where you just landed right on your knees. I literally jumped from my seat.”

“Yeah it was like you had no bones little miss.” Ne-Yo said as my sister smiled and laughed. “Besides from what both Derek and Jennifer has said. Your timing is what really stuck out to me. Like it was like you were a part of the song itself. Like first you’d be like all smooth and fluid when the beat was gentle. But when the drumbeat kicked in hard with boom- boom boom-boom. That right there is what really stuck out to me.”

“I completely agree.” Derek said.

“Alright we’re gonna lock in our scores and we’ll see if you make it to the duels (Y/n).” J-Lo said with a smile. (Y/n) nodded and that’s when the lights dimmed down on her and we watched as the three judges locked in their scores, while making their silent commentaries to each other.

“Okay (Y/n), you need an 88 or above to qualify for the duels, let’s see what you scored.” The host said as he came out and stood beside my sister.  The lights shown down (like those game show lights whenever something gets suspenseful).

First up was Derek’s score; he gave her an 90.

At that my sister made a face of shock as her smile widened and she covered her mouth in shock.  The crowd cheered and up next was Ne-Yo’s score.

He gave her an 89.  Finally J-Lo’s score was a 92.  When the scores rounded up together was 90.3.  Her score shined up on the ceiling scoreboard and (Y/n) couldn’t believe it, poor sissy was even crying.

“Congratulations (Y/n) you made it to the Duels. How’s it feel?” the host asked as he held his microphone to her.

“It feel just—absolutely amazing. All three of you have been an inspiration to be in wanting to become a dancer and this just means so much to me. Thank you for letting me get this opportunity.”

“We can’t wait to see what you bring us, cause already little Miss, you’ve got the competitive edge. It better only get better from here on out.” Ne-Yo told her.  She nodded and thanked the judges one last time before running off the stage.

As she came running towards us, I had to be the first one she saw.  I cheered for her as I opened my arms out for her and she raced towards me before leaping right into my arms.  I spun her around as the two of us laughing joyously.

“You did it kiddo! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks to you Ben. I kept thinking about what you said, I dedicated my performance to you.” I felt myself tear up as I buried my face into her ponytailed hair.

“I would’ve been proud of you either way.” At this point the rest of the guys as well as our mum came up and congratulated her.

That night we celebrated her victory on making it to the next round of World of Dance.  Drinks for me and the guys, we danced, sung some karaoke, and just partied all night long.

[strangebrews]

tea for two

Summary:  After nearly two hours of preparation, Alfie was finally ready. The table was set, the tea was brewed, and the poison watched at the end of the counter. That was Alfie’s source of entertainment. // Alfie engages in tea party Russian roulette that he himself organized. Tommy, eventually, reacts.

Notes: i had a tiny idea regarding alfie organizing lethal tea parties for funsies a while back, and it became this. also thank you to @sholomons + @those-peakyboys for reading bits of this as a sanity check <3

Warnings: Suicidal Ideation/Suicide Scare/Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms/ - those are the main ones, but if you think there should be more let me know. The rest of them can be found on the AO3 post. I promise this isn’t some devastating ending though, lmao, technically is supposed to be //romantic// in a twisted Tommy Shelby way.

On AO3

------------

Alfie indulged in the art of organizing tea parties later in life, once the crime became routine and uninspiring.

The idea came to him one afternoon, while thumbing through the day’s post. He was struck by a revelation, of sorts, “yeah, because when I went to pick up my cup, right,” he had described the moment to Tommy in detail, “I noticed that there, at the very bottom where the tea leaves floated—there was a message.” His eyes had narrowed, voice low, fingers motioning in the air trying to conjure up the image, “and you know what they were saying to me, those leaves, Tommy—they were saying Alfie, you have got to stop hanging around that Shelby—his witchcraft and madness are starting to rub off on you ” he’d cackled then, which meant the origins would remain unexplained. 

Alfie did, however, commit himself to the task. 

He decided the event would take place in his dining room, using the hand-carved table featured there. Tommy watched him prepare from afar the day of the first tea party. He did not endorse the fucking behavior, but he was curious—it was rare to see Solomons fuss over plate placements.

A frilly tablecloth was dug out from the back of a cupboard, and freshly picked flowers decorated the middle. Alfie used his best porcelain set—the one he claimed was the last heirloom still in his possession from the mother’s side of his family. That bit was a lie, he had admitted to Tommy one day. Instead, he had Ollie scavenge it from some shop window with a sock over his head and tears in his eyes—but that tale was far less interesting. And the foundational role of any host, Alfie knew, was to entertain his esteemed guests.

Tiny silver spoons—ones which nearly disappeared in Alfie’s hand—lay atop carefully folded napkins. He drew the shades, and arranged the biscuits, lips pursed in concentration. The scene looked quite pretty, actually. Meticulously organized—an unexpected detail coming from Alfie Solomons. 

And after nearly two hours of preparation, Alfie was finally ready. The table was set, the tea was brewed, and the poison watched at the end of the counter. 

That was Alfie’s source of entertainment. 

  +++

  His guests were an array of different people. Old friends, new enemies, long standing members of his payroll, a few of the fanciest individuals he knew—each person with some form of stain on their record, at some point having wronged him. Alfie was not entirely cruel. 

“It’ll be a shame,” he had said, “but everyone dies at some point, yeah?”

The trick about the poison was that it took a while to pollute the veins. Alfie had considered this detail as thoughtfully as he had the decorations—determined to avoid frothing mouths from ruining the appeal of his parties. The winners would appear fine until the next morning, so the poison was untraceable in both taste and source. 

For a while, at least. Though even if the pieces were eventually slotted together—who would be brave enough to accuse an aging man of serving tea?

“It just might be genius, Tommy.” Alfie had lifted the vial towards him, eyes glazed over with self-admiration. Going after him would look ridiculous, Alfie knew this. Tommy knew this, and he smiled besides himself. Perhaps it was.

And as any good host, Alfie partook in the activity himself—an equal player in the game. A few clear drops coated the bottom of a cup, the cups were mixed up, the location was forgotten.

The fact that Alfie had grown desensitized towards his own death was no shock—he and Tommy shared the same indifference. Though what Tommy struggled to understand was his sudden interest in openly pursuing it. 

Though, didn’t they do that already? Alfie had asked. Their years brimmed with pacts, vindictive partners, with mouthing off to men whose fingers trembled against triggers. They had never run in the opposite direction of death, rather alongside it—the place where their paths would converge had always been just along the horizon. Alfie’s behavior was nothing but a variation of that.

“More creative.” he had claimed—better than being killed by a gun or a knife, “Or by a blade sewn into a fucking hat. Imagine that.” he smirked. It was only funny because they were past killing each other now—Alfie had beaten Tommy to the initiative.

+++

  Of course, the cordial invitation had been extended to Tommy Shelby as well.

“And how have I wronged you?” Tommy had asked. Alfie laughed, promising it would be a clean cup, but Tommy refused regardless. The whole matter was much too dramatic for his taste.

He would stay the night of the tea party, though—was due for a fuck, anyway. 

-

In truth, Tommy had been staying the night more frequently. 

It was Alfie who had initially offered to move the location of their meetings . The official reason he’d cited was for more security, but Tommy had seen him holding his back in pain each time he’d stepped out of the office. 

Fucking in a bed, as opposed to on a desk, toed the line with an intimacy Tommy was cautious about crossing, but the suggestion was too enticing to refuse—aging had not been doing either of them any favors. And because it was Alfie who had made the proposal, Tommy still had room to cut himself free of any strings attached.

The routine had continued as usual at first—business, fuck, leave. Tommy would gather his clothes frantically afterwards, hopping out the door with only one sock on. He was terrified of the implications staying longer would have—the consequences it could bring.

Though that chaos eventually transitioned into a slower collection of his belongings—fatigue and the haze of his orgasm tethering him to the bed. He stayed for longer, counted the cracks in Alfie’s ceiling and the number of stripes on his sheets. These extra moments seemed progressively less threatening. 

“Are you truly that desperate to return to that lonely fucking castle of yours, mate?” The question came months later, while Tommy sat on the side of the bed, rubbing the stiffness from his legs. He was startled by the voice—Alfie tended to slip into a slumber nearly immediately after they’d pulled away from each other. 

Lonely castle. It sounded worse when phrased that way. A kingdom crafted at the expense of everyone around him. Pitiful.

Tommy had not entertained Alfie with an answer, but still chose to lay back down—comforted by the idea of a few more hours of sleep. He left the next day wordlessly, and sleeping over became routine. The castle would still be standing in the morning.

Yet that change didn’t mean anything, Tommy reasoned. Whether he permitted himself to stay or not, it was still just fucking —nothing more complicated than that. 

So perhaps it’d be a shame if Alfie finally won one of his rounds, Tommy thought the evening of that first tea party—his business would be missed. But he remained, on the whole, unbothered by it.

Everyone died at some point.

+++

  Each chair was occupied with an esteemed guest the first time. They were all impressed by the sudden burst of hospitality—thankful for Alfie’s unspoken forgiveness of their past transgressions against him. 

Assumption was quite lethal. 

Meaningless chatter swelled the air in the room, shrill laughter echoing off of the walls. Alfie floated from place to place, offering stories and more food, savoring each one of his sips.  He chuckled often, rolled his eyes on cue, and held his pinky up.

It was a performance, yet no one in attendance was aware they were a part of the show. 

He caught their attention in particular with a story from before the war. Something to do with a stray dog, an appalled mother and a wet carpet—certain elements of which were exaggerated. “Oh Alfie!” he’d felt a small pat on his shoulder, a gesture which in any other circumstances would have earned the person a cut on the cheek, but Alfie simply smiled and patted back. It could be you . 

Alfie found excitement in it all—an ironic strengthening of the energy which had been slowly draining from his body. 

It was nearly enough to forget about the cancer.

-

Cancer could have been considered a motive—it was the letter from the doctor speculating about his expiration date which had sparked the inspiration for the tea party business. Though Alfie didn’t like to dwell on that coincidence. Much rather preferred to keep the reason as Alfie’s sudden burst of twisted thrill-seeking . Not that anyone would know about the sickness, regardless—Thomas Shelby included. He fully intended to live out these days undisturbed by sympathy.

He came to bed that night with cheeks flushed and things to say. Granted, Alfie always had a mouth full of words, but they were stories this time—things he’d seen and heard. Tommy had propped himself up against the headrest, pulling on cigarette after cigarette, feigning disinterest. 

A cousin of the Sabini’s had brought Alfie a bottle of wine, he learned. There had been a bit of tea spilling on the carpet sometime in the middle, though it had occurred after a refill, Alfie reassured. Nearly everyone offered some comment about the design on the porcelain, sniffed the flowers, and claimed they had enjoyed themselves in the doorway.

“Silly little puppets, yeah—every last one.” Alfie had laughed and blown the candle on the nightstand out. It was nice, actually, being able to share this bit of secrecy with Tommy. An outlet, of sorts, and it helped that Alfie did not have to truly explain himself to him. 

It was the first night Tommy stayed which did not involve fucking.

+++

Tommy continued accepting the invitations to be an invisible guest. 

Unsurprisingly, one party had not been enough to satiate Alfie’s newfound appetite for this version of Russian roulette and finger sandwiches, so he kept organizing them. It tended to be the same crowd each time, with a few new faces here and there—replacements for any vacant seats. 

Alfie gradually grew fancier—a nicer tablecloth, more biscuits, a larger array of tea. He had different stories to tell, new rings to show off and even Ollie had grown quite fond of the flower picking aspect of his job, asking a few days in advance if he had any preferences. 

Alfie collapsed beside Tommy after the fifth party, exhausted and unwilling to relay the night’s events. It wasn’t necessarily healthy for his back, Tommy had mused—all those hours of wandering around the room, hunched over chairs—but his mouth stayed shut, and they fell asleep in silence. 

-

Even after nights when his insomnia had been generous, Tommy woke first. 

Alfie breathed beside him.

It was a relief, Tommy admitted—spared him the dramatics of having to drag Alfie out from between the sheets himself. He’d imagined that scenario once or twice while waiting on Alfie to stop his entertaining, considering what exactly he would do with Alfie’s body just—laying there. Notify the staff most likely, but he wasn’t quite sure what beyond that. Perhaps shake his hand, or pay his respects through a whispered congratulations , yet Alfie always managed to interrupt that train of thought before anything concrete was decided on. 

He was hesitant to leave the morning after the fifth night, oddly disappointed that Alfie had not shared any stories. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but he decided to wait until Alfie woke. There was time to spare, Tommy argued with himself, it was the weekend—as if that meant anything in this line of business. 

Idling in bed until the moment arrived was out of the question. Roaming his halls also seemed inappropriate—and risky, in case Ollie had let himself in. So Tommy settled on visiting the kitchen to eat. Attempt to, at least.

Preparing food provided only momentary relief from the fact that staying had been an absolutely idiotic idea. Tommy brewed some tea—for the irony, if anything else—and made toast. Some for him, some for Alfie, though he winced at the choice and threw Alfie’s portion in the bin. Too much.

He opened the morning paper. Squirmed in his chair. Checked the time. Returned to reading. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Alfie eventually joined him in the kitchen, sleep still settled on his limbs. His hair was sticking up in uneven tufts, beard flattened on the side he’d been lying on. Nothing indicated he was surprised that Tommy had remained in the house.

“So you’re still here then, eh?” Tommy said, eyes on the news, but desperate to fill the silence.

Alfie only ran a heavy palm across his face. “Yeah, still fucking here.”

+++

  The parties remained successful and Alfie’s enthusiasm persisted. Guests streamed in week after week—whether out of fear or curiousity was unclear. It was quite unusual to be in Alfie Solomon’s presence within an unthreatening environment, but they seemed to appreciate his change in character. 

And the tea was always delicious. 

It was Tommy who suffered the change in opinion, pacing the bedroom with a clenched jaw.  He had certain ideas—to make an appearance, peek through keyholes or press his ear to the door, to somehow interfere—but he cast them all aside.

Time alone had never been healthy for him. Funny, for a man who ensured his own abandonment.

-

 Nervous. The word finally rose above all of the other thoughts at one point and settled bitterly on his tongue. Tommy was nervous. 

“Aren’t you fucking bored of this yet, Alfie?” he asked as casually as possible, in between pulls of his cigarette, but Alfie had shook his head.

“I should have done this sooner.” he claimed, eyes dancing, and for some reason the sentence felt like a slap to the face.

Tommy did not fight back. 

+++

Alfie retired earlier than usual one night, reasoned it was due to a headache. Tommy bit down on his lip to prevent any visible reaction.

He slipped under the covers, hand searching for the band of Tommy’s pants —ar ousal had always reigned above pain for Alfie —but Tommy swatted it away, ignoring the slight tenting. “Not today, Alfie.”

Alfie grunted. It was not necessarily unusual for Tommy to refuse him, though Tommy’s face was flushed, teeth gnawing at the inner flesh of his cheek. There was still potential in the moment.

“But Tommy,” he whispered, sliding up against him, lips grazing Tommy’s neck and fingers playing at his hip. “I may be dead tomorrow.” and he placed a firm kiss to his Adam’s apple. It was only meant to be a teasing remark —nothing more than Alfie’s greedy attempt at extracting a fuck out of the other man—but the words wrapped themselves around Tommy’s throat.

Tommy snatched Alfie by the hair, tearing him away from his skin. Their eyes met, Alfie squirming besides himself under the cold stare. “You might be dead tomorrow.” Tommy repeated, nodding in agreement. Out of reach . 

And he kissed him.

Once. Twice. Grip slowly loosening, hips finally shifting into Alfie’s touch. His hand remained in the hair, the other one snaking around Alfie’s waist, clothes being peeled off feverishly. Alfie’s efforts proved successful.

They fucked that night to the brink of exhaustion, wrapped in the darkness, spent and gasping for air, and when Alfie pulled away, Tommy choked on a please echoing in his throat. 

It was a hollow plea—for something he was too terrified to admit.

+ ++

The following morning after he woke, Tommy lingered in bed.

Alfie snored facing him, rested on top of his left arm. Sleep softened him, Tommy noted—hid the pain behind his eyelids, smoothed the creases from his forehead. He reached out hesitantly to run the backs of his fingers across Alfie’s shoulder, along the shell of his ear, his jaw, tugging down the covers to find his thighs. It was a peaceful moment—rare and terminal—and Tommy was suddenly gripped by an urge to memorize it. Drink in every detail. 

Tommy took advantage of the safety unconsciousness had provided him and settled back down, shifting closer to Alfie’s body—close enough so that the tips of their noses were brushing against one another. He lay still, soaking in the warmth of Alfie’s exhales, and tried to align their breathing. 

The task proved to be more challenging than expected. Tommy stumbled over his own inhales, yet Alfie continued to be one breath ahead of him. Inhale. Exhale . Out of sync. And it was a silly effort, naive and trivial, but Tommy’s heart still hammered at his ribcage in frustration. Because there had to be something there , in the alignment. Some kind of meaning, a mutual understanding shared between their bodies. A form of reassurance. A sign of togetherness —that Tommy was not fucking mad for wanting to share these breaths with Alfie for longer than the bastard had planned for himself.

But each attempt sputtered and failed.

He slammed his fist into the mattress and rolled off the bed, waking Alfie in the process.

-

The toast was burnt that morning. 

No tea— fuck tea. 

Alfie walked into the kitchen, rubbed a palm across his face instinctively. The regular question never arrived, but he answered its ghost regardless. “Still here.”

Yes , Tommy thought, miraculous . 

He left for Birmingham immediately after breakfast, and abandoned his tendency of visiting Alfie in between the special occasions. He would know when the next party would be—the invitation would arrive in the post a few days before it.

+++

A week later, there were only 16 people in attendance, two couples were missing. Whether they had grown suspicious or were dead was left unclarified—Alfie was only interested in one outcome. 

The event proceeded as usual: eat, laugh, sip, Alfie refilling his cup more frequently than usual. Nobody questioned the absence. It was normal.  

And then it was not, because Tommy Shelby walked into the room — eyes bloodshot, scanning the scene. 

There was a 1 in 16 chance that Alfie poisoned himself today, Tommy noted, but he had endured this night after night and he found he’d grown quite bored of the adrenaline. The uncertainty. So he took a stand at the head of the table this time around, his hand hidden behind his coat.

It was meant to be a distraction, perhaps a form of confession —anything to get Alfie to stop these fucking games. Whispers swept the room, mouths parted in surprise—it was a rare occurrence, seeing Tommy Shelby in attendance—and Alfie sighed, because he knew, he fucking knew that Thomas was here to spoil the fun. 

The gun pointed to Tommy’s head, and Tommy’s head pointed towards Alfie.

“One,” 15 pairs of alarmed eyes stared at Tommy’s finger on the trigger. Only 1 pair glared back into his own. Alfie refused to set the teacup down.

“Have you gone fucking mad, mate?” Tommy had actually heard they called this love . 

“Two.” The guests were moving, tripping over chairs, rugs, each other, searching frantically for the exit. The taboo of witnessing a potential suicide outweighed their curiousity, it seemed. So easy to clear a room.  

The doors slammed shut, silence replacing the sound. It was empty now. Just him, and Alfie, and the gun, and the poison laughing out from one of the cups. 

“Three.” Bang.

Tommy’s body crumpled to the floor.

-

He was lying half underneath the table when Alfie finally walked over. His eyes were wide open. Unscathed.

Alfie snatched the gun from his hand, clicked open the cylinder. “Tommy, you know, you’re not fucking invited to the next one, yeah?” the first shot had been a blank, but there was a single bullet inside. “Right—on account of the fucking mess you’ve made here today.” 

“I’m well aware, Alfie.” he was tracing the pattern of the table’s wood with a shaky finger. Alfie grunted and tossed the gun aside. He collapsed awkwardly beside him, taking Tommy’s hand into his own. It would weather his joints even further, lying down here on the floor, Alfie was well aware, but this was the only act of affirmation which seemed appropriate. 

He did not ask about the bullet. He knew why it was there. Kept as a precaution—in case Alfie had decided to drink anyway. 

They breathed together. 

[caranfindel]

Fic: Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser

A fix-it fic for 15.10, “The Heroes’ Journey,” because never have I seen an ep more in need of a fix-it.

---

They end up borrowing a 4X4 Jeep Cherokee from Donna. The Impala wasn't made for snowy roads, let alone frozen tundra, they don't have enough credit to rent a car (fucking Chuck), and Sam refuses to take a stolen car through an international checkpoint. Which is ridiculous. It's Canada, not the Soviet Union; no one's even going to look. But Dean's not gonna argue. Sam's kind of messed up right now. Has been, since he shot God, since he spent a day and a half under Chuck's loving ministrations, since Eileen left. Since Garth pronounced them no longer God's heroes. Obsessively researching Alaska, spewing random facts about Utqiagvik and tundra, to distract himself from the shitstorm they stumbled into.

(Barrow is now known as Utqiagvik. Thanks, Sam.)

The thing is. The thing is that "between Barrow and Kotzebue" sounded like they'd be driving down a road from one small village to another, looking for you'll know it when you see it. But on further review, there's about a hundred million acres of frozen tundra between Barrow and Kotzebue. And no roads. Even Mapquest cheerfully suggests you can't get there from here. And Dean's supposed to be the man with the plan, but he can't wrap his head around a hunt whose lore is limited to you'll know it when you see it. He's having problems with get to Alaska and start exploring a hundred million acres of frozen tundra. Maybe that's why Sam is furiously researching Alaska itself. Because he's got to research something.

(And no, Dean is not interested in yet another verse of Sam explaining that the entire state of Alaska is not frozen tundra, and much of the area they're looking at is actually transitional boreal forest, thank you very much.)

Anyway. Scraping up some cash sounds like a good first step. So that's why Dean's lurking in the shadows a block away from a pool hall in Bozeman, Montana, counting his meager winnings. Of course he didn't count it in the pool hall, or even in the parking lot. He's not stupid. You never count your money when you're sitting at the table. Words of wisdom are words of wisdom, even when they come from Kenny Rogers.

Hustling pool was easier when he was younger. A guy in his 20s saunters in, cocksure, too pretty for his own good? (And that's not ego talking, he's heard it often enough, seen it in the eyes of potential marks who murmured that they were sure we'd be able to come to an agreement when it looked like he might not have enough cash to cover a bet, and damn he loved taking their money.) Yeah, everybody wants to take that guy down, and Dean always gave an Oscar-worthy performance in that role. But when you're old enough to look like you might know what you're doing, and maybe looking so down on your luck that no one wants to win the little bit of cash you've got in your raggedy pocket… it's just harder, is all. Especially without his wingman, since Sam declared himself unfit for the job and went off to plunder a couple of local stores for supplies instead.

Dean did okay, though. Even after putting aside half for his stake the next night, he's got enough for a couple of tanks of gas and a night in a hotel. Maybe four or five tanks, if Sam agrees to sleep in the Jeep. It's cold, but they've got decent sleeping bags and a big vehicle. It wouldn't be the worst night they've spent in a car.

They've actually… spent a lot of bad nights in cars. And abandoned houses. And worse. It sparks something in the back of Dean's mind.

That train of thought is interrupted by the arrival of the borrowed Jeep. It's late — well, technically, early — but they need to put some miles between them and the scene of the crime. Maybe he can catch a catnap while Sam gets them out of town. Dean moves to get in the passenger seat, but Sam hops out. Doesn't even trust himself driving right now, for fuck's sake. He even keeps a hand hovering over the Jeep, in case he needs the support if he stumbles, and it makes Dean see red.

"How'd you do," Dean asks, when Sam settles into the passenger seat.

"Not bad. Nonperishables, hot packs, but mostly medical supplies. Got some antibiotics, pain meds, bandages, stuff for stitches and splints"

"Thought you were gonna get some camping supplies?"

"Had problems at the REI." Sam pulls out his laptop and hunches over it.

"What kind of problems?"

Pause. "It's no big deal. We'll stop at a different one."

"Sam."

Sam sighs. "I couldn't get in, all right? There were security cameras and the lock, and I just…" He trails off and buries himself in his laptop, clearly miserable. Dean could suggest, again, that the mom and pop outfit they saw on their way into town would be easier to break into, but he knows Sam prefers raiding big chains. We're saving the world, Dean would say. Doesn't mean we have to be dicks about it, Sam would always retort.

(Are they even saving the world, right now? Or just their own asses?)

After a few quiet minutes, Sam speaks. "Did you know Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed about 11 miles outside of Utqiagvik, trying to land their plane?" Because obscure Alaskan trivia is easier to think about than, well, everything else.

"No, I didn't know that," Dean responds, "because I've never even heard of Wiley Post."

"Early aviator. Charles Lindbergh type. The Utqiagvik airport was renamed after them."

"Naming an airport after two people who died in a plane crash? That's messed up, man."

"Oklahoma also has two separate airports named after the two of them. I think Will Rogers would probably appreciate the irony."

Oklahoma. The last time Dean was in Oklahoma, he was fleeing Texhoma with an old friend's blood still caked under his fingernails. He doesn't want to think about fucking Oklahoma. Instead, he slides back to that earlier thought, the one that pinged something. The fact that they spent so much of their life sleeping in really shitty places. That they weren't worried about mortgages and utility payments not because they were above all that, but because they never had the opportunity. That they haven't, in fact, been leading the charmed heroes' life, free from sweating the small stuff, that Garth described.

"Sam?" he says. "Do you feel like we've been living a charmed life?"

"No." Sam huffs a humorless little laugh and keeps pecking at his keyboard. "I mean, I didn't, for obvious reasons. But compared to now? I guess."

"Okay, but listen. I think I was right when I said we were cursed. The reason we're having problems now? It's not because Chuck was giving us something we never earned and he decided to stop. Everything we do, Sam? We fucking earned that. Blood, sweat, and tears, man. We trained and studied and practiced and earned every skill we have."

Sam looks up now, brow furrowed. "You think?"

"I do. I mean, how long did you practice lock-picking? Because I remember you asking Dad to buy you different kinds of locks to practice on. I remember listening to you clicking away in the back seat for miles. You did that, Sam. Chuck didn't give it to you."

"Okay…"

"And tripping over your own feet? Do you really think you can only walk a straight line bec ause Chuck made it possible? He didn't make us special, Sam. We made us special. And he's trying to take that away from us."

Sam gasps. "Job. He's pulling a Job on us."

"Damn straight." Dean smacks the steering wheel. Chuck and his Biblical reboots. "And we are not gonna let him do that."

"But how do we stop it?"

That's the question, isn't it? Dean drives for a couple of miles, deep in thought. "I say we go to Alaska anyway," he decides. "Even if we didn't lose our own luck, this might be a way to pick up some extra mojo."

"But remember what Garth said. There's always a catch. You know he's right."

"So? If we decide it costs too much, we just don't play. We can do that."

"Can we?" Sam chuckles. "Because, historically, we're not actually very good at that."

"We are now. Starting right now, you and I are good at anything we want to be good at it. And Chuck can screw himself."

Dean spots the sign for the scenic turnoff just in time, jerking the wheel to the right. "You all right bedding down in the car tonight?"

"Not the worst place I've slept," Sam replies, smiling. No, it's not.

The bed of the Cherokee is long enough, with the back seat folded down, but it's pretty narrow. It's fine. Dean's going appreciate being pressed up against his furnace of a little brother tonight. He wriggles into his sleeping bag, turns his back to Sam, and says "Okay, geek boy. Put me to sleep. Tell me something about Kotzebue." He drifts off to the tune of sled dogs and average January temperatures.

---

The title is, of course, from "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers.

[thenovelartist]

Homecoming Queen (I’ll Steal You Away), chapter 1

A No-Curse, American High School AU Fruits Basket story. Because I can XD

AO3   Fanfiction     Next>

Today was one of those days when both Kyo and Yuki could drive her to school. Which meant a fight to see who would win the honor.

It was the way of the Sohma house hold, one she found herself part of the summer after her freshman year of high school when her mom suddenly passed in an accident. She could have lived with her grandfather on her father’s side, but her classmate and friend, Yuki, was the one to invite her to live with him and his cousin. It was a crazy idea, and the last thing she wanted to do was be a burden to anyone, nevertheless someone who wasn’t her blood family. Yet, they’d come to an agreement that she could cook and clean for them in exchange for room and board. Beyond the initial shock of seeing how messy the two men were and then the initial cleaning the house, it was really simple to keep on top of the chores and prepare meals.

The fact she worked at the grocery store down the street made it even simpler.

Two bachelors soon became three that summer when Kyo had arrived. Shigure had agreed to take him in after Kyo had been picked up by the police twice in a year and his guardian thought that Kyo needed a change of scenery. The deal was that Kyo could go back once his anger issues had gotten under control, which meant six months without a run in with the law or a fight.

Fighting with Yuki aside—because Tohru quickly learned those two got on like fire and water—Kyo passed that test after seven months. Yet, he remained. Apparently, his father figure thought the small town was good for him and suggested he stay, and Kyo, despite all his insisting he wasn’t going to stick around long, had easily agreed.

That’s just how life had been for the last two years. Tohru loved the odd family dynamic that had formed, even if Yuki and Kyo were still enemies of sorts and fought often. Like, for example, ever since the duo each learned to drive and bought cars, it became a thing to fight over who drove her to and from school as well as too and from work. 

Rules had to be determined pretty early on after there were a couple times their bickering almost made them late to school. So, the first rule that was laid down was one took her to school while the other took her from it. On days that either boy could take her to and from school, they would spar­—outside to save poor Shigure’s house from any more holes in the walls or broken furniture—to decide who got her in the morning. If Kyo had practice or Yuki had student counsel duties, then they would drive her the time they were available while the other would drive her the opposite time. If there was a draw and neither could drive her, Tohru’s friend, Saki, would swoop up Tohru and laugh in victory.

However, today, Yuki was the winner of the morning drive, much to Kyo’s frustration.

“Don’t look so upset. You get to take me home,” she assured Kyo.

“Yeah,” Yuki goaded. “If you want to take her in the mornings, then all you have to do is beat me.”

“You know what—!”

“No, what.” Yuki deadpanned.

“Guys,” Tohru whined. “Don’t fight. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a short car ride.” Honestly, Tohru didn’t understand how it was a thing at all. They could just take turns on those days, alternating between who took her in the morning or not. But Shigure said they’d take any reason they could to fight, and Tohru had learned he wasn’t lying.

“Yeah, it’s just a car ride,” Yuki said, his eyes narrowing at Kyo. “Not like you lost anything more than your pride.”

Kyo looked like he was about to snap when Tohru shoved herself in between the two boys. “Please don’t fight again,” she said. “We have to get to school.”

With a growl, Kyo backed up. “Fine,” he relented, marching to his rusted orange truck.

“Why anyone would buy a hunk of metal like that is beyond me,” Yuki commented.

“Because it’s still in good condition and could beat your little, dinky car.”

“In what?” Yuki challenged with a grin. “Mine has better gas mileage, safety features—”

“Um, we should really get to school,” Tohru said, interrupting their conversation.

“Fine,” the two boys said in unison.

“I’ll behave.”

“You were the one goading me on!”

“Have a good day, you three,” Shigure called, purposefully interrupting them, for which Tohru was grateful for. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“You wouldn’t do a lot of sane things,” Yuki retorted.

“And would do a lot of bad things,” Kyo added in.

Tohru just laughed, silently agreeing with them. She loved Shigure, but a role model he wasn’t.

She also had to laugh at how one of the few things that could bring Kyo and Yuki together was when they were fighting Shigure—or Ayame, but that was another story.

Yuki, ever the gentleman, held open the passenger side car door for her. “Thank you,” she said, slipping inside the gray car and putting her backpack by her legs.

“You’re welcome,” he returned with a grin before shutting her door. By the time he hopped into the driver’s seat, Kyo was already zipping off, his truck engine revving all the while.

“Typical,” Yuki commented. “He’d get better gas mileage if he wasn’t such a lead foot.”

“You better not tell him that,” Tohru commented with an amused grin. The two definitely had different driving styles, Yuki being the safer of the two. But Kyo was more comfortable behind the wheel, Tohru noticed, which made her feel equally comfortable with both boys. “But I don’t get what the big deal is. Isn’t it a hassle to drive me to and from school?”

“Never,” he assured, starting his car. “It’s truly an honor.”

Tohru smiled, hoping her blush wasn’t evident. Honestly, she’d always thought that it was a hassle and a burden. But they always assured her it wasn’t. It made her feel not as bad because honestly…

It was really nice being driven to and from school and work by her friends.

It didn’t take long to get to school. Yuki was always pleasant company in the mornings, and conversation flowed easily.

When they got to school, they caught sight of Kyo’s truck already there as well as Saki’s black car. Meaning that all her friends were there already. When they walked onto campus, they were immediately assaulted by the sheer number of posters on every conceivable surface.

Yuki sighed. “When I told them to make sure the posters were clearly visible, this was not what I meant.”

Tohru giggled. “To be fair, I don’t think anyone is going to miss the fact that homecoming is coming up.”

“Not even the most dim-witted person could miss it,” he said. “Are you planning to go?”

“It would be fun. But between the tickets and the dress, it’s just too expensive.”

Yuki hummed. “As practical as ever.”

“Saki and Arisa will probably want me to go, but I’ve actually been saving up for the big senior dance at the end of the year because those tickets have always been really expensive, but it’s the one big, fancy senior party, so I thought if I could only chose dance one to go to, it should be that one.”

“That sounds reasonable,” Yuki agreed. “It’s always the most extravagant one, so it seems like it would be worth it.”

“Yup. Besides, I’ll be at the homecoming game.”

“You’d better.”

Tohru turned to see Kyo standing there. He gently knocked her head in an affectionate way. “It’s my last year and first as team captain. You better show up.”

“I try not to miss any of your games,” she said, lightly punching his arm. “And you know it.”

He smirked. “Your right-handed jab still sucks.”

She just giggled as he tapped her head once again before turning to head off to class. “Come on. If we’re late for first period, the teacher will have our heads.”

“Coming. Bye, Yuki. See you third period.”

“See you then,” he said with a wave before marching off to his class.

Tohru then whipped around and scurried to Kyo’s side. They made it just before the bell rang.

…

“So…”

Tohru turned to face Arisa. “So what?”

“You chose one of them yet?”

Tohru blinked, feeling very lost. “W-what?”

“I think that’s a no,” Saki answered, filling the silence.

Currently, they were sitting together in second period, the only class period that Tohru didn’t have Kyo or Yuki in. Fortunately, she had her two best friends. She thought they liked it, too. They’d mentioned more than once how they liked having her all to themselves for a class.

“Come on, Tohru,” Arisa said, smirk on her face. “You know we’re talking about the Prince and Carrots.”

“We already told you they both like you.”

Tohru blushed hard, remembering that conversation. “I knew that,” she said in a quiet voice. Because she had known it. Deep inside her heart, she was aware that both Kyo and Yuki had gradually changed around her, their actions with her different from with anyone else. She’d known, yet had simultaneously been ignorant of it until Arisa and Saki brought it up.

And now that she knew, she couldn’t un-know it, and it turned her into a mess.

“You gotta pick one of them, or they’re just gonna keep up their pissing match of who gets you or not,” Arisa said.

“I know,” Tohru whined. “But I choosing one will hurt the other, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt, but I know I have to do something! I just don’t know what to do.”

“Come on,” Arisa goaded, playfully poking her. “You gotta like one more than the other.”

Tohru whimpered. Both boys had their special ways of tugging on her heart, and just when she thought she could choose one, the other would come along and do something that caused her to doubt that decision.

“You’re overthinking it,” Saki pointed out. “I think you have one picked out but really, you’re scared of hurting the other one.”

Tohru’s mind went blank. “Huh?”

“Really?” Arisa asked. “What makes you think that.”

“I can sense her waves with both men,” Saki said. “One set is more harmonious than the other. But beyond that, if you study her hard enough with both men, it becomes clear.”

“I watch as much as you,” Arisa snipped. “I don’t think it’s exactly crystal.”

“But don’t you have a guy you want her to end up with?”

Tohru’s blush somehow deepened. “Wait… what?”

Arisa grunted. “Yeah, I do.”

“You… wait.” Tohru’s eyes screwed shut in confusion. “Stop. What are you talking about?”

“It’s quite obvious.” Saki said. “After careful consideration, we decided who to ship you with.”

“How? What do you mean? I don’t think it’s obvious. How can I choose? Who do you think I should choose? I don’t understand.”

“Calm down,” Arisa said, resting a hand on Tohru’s shoulder. “I’m kinda beginning to agree with Saki’s saying you’re overthinking it.”

“I’m insulted you doubted me.”

“Then what do I do?” Tohru asked.

“Pick one and don’t feel guilty about not choosing the other,” Saki bluntly said.

“She’s right,” Arisa said. “Only one guy is going to get our precious Tohru, and the other will be a man and suck up the loss. It’s what guys do.”

Tohru whimpered. This was not going to be easy.

“On a different note,” Saki said. “Are you certain there is nothing we can do to convince you to come to homecoming with us?”

“Yeah,” Arisa chimed in. “Come on, Tohru. It would be really fun for you to be there.”

Tohru smiled. “I know it would, but I want to save up for the senior ball. Those tickets are expensive. And if I went to homecoming, I’d have to get a dress now instead of when I saved up for it. So my budget’s smaller.”

“Okay, we get the dress thing,” Arisa said. “But once you have the dress, you could wear it twice. And the homecoming tickets aren’t that expensive. They’re the cheapest of any of the dances.”

“Or better yet,” Saki said. “Save money both times by having the boys agree to take you as their date. They’d be obligated to buy you tickets, and you would only have to worry about the dress, which I’m sure you could find for less expensive somewhere.”

Arisa lit up. “Oh yeah! That’s a great idea.”

“But I couldn’t!” Tohru cried. “That would be so much money for them to have to spend!”

“The boys could afford it. And I seriously doubt they’d mind,” Arisa said.

“Yes,” Saki agreed. “And then, after all the obligatory dances with them, you can spend the rest of your time with us.”

“But they bought the tickets so we could be together,” Tohru argued. “I couldn’t abandon them after they spent money on me like that. That is, if that happened. But it’s not going to because I couldn’t let them do that.”

“Sure, you can,” Arisa encouraged. “Have one take you to homecoming and one take you to the Senior Ball.”

“I would assume you’d let Kyo take you to homecoming since he is the captain of the football team and the dance is partly to celebrate them,” Saki said. “Which would mean you let Yuki take you to the Senior Ball, which means you have the Prince of the school escorting you to the fanciest event of the year. That makes perfect sense to me.”

“You’d really score either way.”

Tohru whimpered at the thought. Using them like that felt wrong. But then again…

Going to the dances with either of them sounded really fun.

“I can’t exactly ask them.”

Saki hummed in thought. “Maybe they’ll ask you.”

“And if they don’t,” Arisa added. “We’ll drop hints.”

Tohru barely had time to blush before the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class.

“All right, students,” the teacher called, marching to the middle of the classroom and effectively bringing their conversation to an end. Which Tohru was grateful for because she wasn’t sure her stomach could be in any bigger of a knot.

[ducktracy]

124. alpine antics (1936)

release date: march 9th, 1936

series: looney tunes

director: jack king

starring: billy bletcher (bully), tommy bond (beans)

another beans cartoon by king, featuring his girlfriend kitty and a peg leg pete facsimile. beans plans to enter a skiing contest, and his motives for winning are pushed further when a bully brews up trouble.

open to a winter landscape, everyone skiing and skating. three snowmen sing “she was an acrobat’s daughter” as “she was an ice skater’s daughter” while a clarabelle cow facsimile skates right up against the screen, animation smooth and crisp. the singing snowmen have their own 15 seconds of fame, melting in front of a roaring fire to end the song.

more ice centered gags ensue—a dog boils some water over a fire and pours it into a hole in the ice, hoping for a quick dip. predictably, the genius pops up frozen in an ice cube. elsewhere, three horses wearing sweaters that spell out “SOS” skate in a line, a tiny dog skating beneath their legs. the entire scene is reminiscent of the opening scene in bosko in dutch. a turtle dances on the ice, when he and his reflection get separated. the gags aren’t laugh out loud hilarious, but the visuals are appealing.

enter beans and kitty. beans pushes kitty in a sled, occasionally hopping on the back for the ride. he brakes in front of a cabin (the break being a boot attached to a lever) to read a flyer posted on the wall. the flyer boasts a ski race, promoting $100,000,000 in prizes “or a cool $2.00 cash to the winner!” a classic that will appear in many a cartoon.

beans is ecstatic. he snags a pair of spare skis and declares “big race today, kitty! oh boy, watch me win that race!” a peg leg pete facsimile (more so than usual—this time he’s an actual cat, of course voiced by billy bletcher. i don’t know if i explicitly mentioned it but i’ve always implied it—bletcher also voiced pete in the original disney cartoons) hides behind a tree, menacingly chuffing on a cigar so you know he’s hot shit. he approaches beans and picks him up by the skis. he asserts his kindness by sliding beans off of the skiis and flicking him off his own pair before breaking beans’ skis over his knees. a reasonable fella.

rightfully so, beans is pissed, shaking his fist, sticking out his tongue, shadow boxing, tapping his foot, promising he’ll show him. he rips the seat portion of the sled off, and thus has his own makeshift pair of skiis. hope kitty didn’t want to do any more sledding. two conveniently placed straps are under the skiis, which he ties around his feet and shuffles off towards the big race.

porky makes a cameo at the starting line, riding a rocking horse into battle. the bully is confidently waiting for the start, yet his pride deflates as soon as he notices beans adorning new skis. he grimaces at beans, who innocently laughs in return. a turtle referee checks his clock—time is ticking. the bully also recognizes this, and thusly pulls out a rocket from his pocket. he swipes beans’ hat over his head so he can’t see, creating the perfect distraction as he ties the rocket to one of beans’ skis and lights it. and, of course, beans is sent rocketing backwards, flying right into a cabin and shooting out of the roof. he lands in the snow in a daze as the bully gives a trademark belly laugh.

the bully’s timing was just right. a fire of the pistol and the race is off. the bully speeds ahead on his skis, porky rides his horse into battle, a dog takes off with a makeshift sailboat, and another struggles to get his exercise bike through the snow. though beans is already at a disadvantage, his optimism is seldom flattened. he skis right where he is, the bully already in a steady lead.

visuals galore as we spot the racers. the biker sends snow flying right into porky’s face, a dog pumps a bellows into a sail, a duck rides a wiener dog donning skis, the essentials. beans is finally on the course, spreading his legs to avoid a tree trunk and conversely compacting his body as he passes between two trunks. the bully takes time to admire his lead, once more laughing. he shreds down a slope and jumps off, pulling a string to summon a parachute and ensure safely. as he floats lazily in the sky, he makes attempts to ski in the air.

cue the dirty tricks. the bully spins around a tree to stop himself, tying a rope to one of his ski poles. he jabs the pole into a neighboring tree and effectively creates a tripwire. one by one, his victims fall into place (literally): the cycling dog falls headfirst into the snow, spinning his bike upside down. porky’s next, he and his rocking horse both shaking their tails in the snow. next the sail boat dog, and even the three little pigs(?), also shaking their tails like porky. next is beans’ turn, who barrels into the pole with enough force that the pole is loosened and the bully’s contraption ties around him instead.

beans has now secured the lead... for now. the bully is fueled with extra motivation and vitriol to beat beans, puffing out his chest and breaking his bonds. beans slides over a hill, his skis getting lodged in the side of a mountain. and, of course, the bully flies right over his head, once more in the winning seat. to make matters worse, the duck and wiener dog duo are fast approaching. they slide UNDER the mountain, and barrel into beans from under, propelling him into the air. the duck briefly rides the dog like a tire, until a jump cut has them back in regular formation, the cut a bit discombobulated and incoherent.

the duck honks at the bully to get out of the way, who, of course, does everything but that. therefore, the duck turns the wiener dog sideways and knocks straight into the bully. their glory is hardly reveled in: they crash into a tree, the dog wrapping around the tree and pinning the duck. next comes beans, who uses the bully’s skis lodged into the snow as a ramp.

the chase is now exclusively focused on beans and the bully. beans hits a slope that flings him into the air, and once more he lands behind the bully. nevertheless, they weave in and out of trees, beans managing to pass the bully. another slope sends the bully flying forward, landing straight on beans’ shoulders. they pass a cabin, the bully riding on the roof and landing back on beans’ shoulders. they’re broken up once the bully runs into a tree branch, spiraling up the tree and back down. he’s flung forward, about to hit the finish line...

until he crashes into an ice patch, the ice propelling him underwater. beans rides over the reversible ice, skidding across the finish line. finally, a winner! yet, another ice patch (or perhaps the same one?) bucks beans forward as the bully pops his head out, clearly upset at his loss. iris out as beans pokes his head out from his own ice hole, staring incredulously at the audience.

not the most coherent beans cartoon. this is one of the rare beans cartoons i had seen before, and overall remembered nothing about it. i can see why. there aren’t many gags but moreso visuals that are all tired out and lose their punch. many times the story lapsed in coherence—at the end, the bully is clearly thrown into an ice patch that lies BEFORE the finish line, since beans skids past it and slides over the line afterwards. yet, the patch is shown to be inside the line at the end. of course, with many of these cartoons, suspension of disbelief plays an important role, but here it’s just not believable. believability can make or break a cartoon (believable does not equal realistic! stick to what you’re specializing in, no matter how absurd the plot is. a plot can be absurd but still believable). probably best to skip, but it isn’t a cartoon that’s terrible. the animation is certainly nice in some spots. just a relatively mediocre cartoon that i probably won’t be watching again anytime soon.

link!

[peckhampeculiar]

Jade’s journey

WITH A CAREER SPANNING TV, THEATRE AND FILM, ACTOR AND POET JADE ANOUKA CAN TURN HER HAND TO ANYTHING.

She talks about filming with Idris Elba, her one-woman show Heart and how she took hundreds of local youngsters for a night out at Peckhamplex

WORDS: EMMA FINAMORE; PHOTO: LIMA CHARLIE

Some people just seem made for storytelling, and the magnetic Jade Anouka – equal parts actor and poet – is most definitely one of them.

Now living in Camberwell – near her favourite brunch spot, Kurdish cafe Nandine on Vestry Road – Jade grew up in Bexley, later moving out to Dartford. She kept up her local connections though, going to secondary school in Lewisham, and it was here in south-east London she had her first proper break in acting.

Inspired by Saturday drama classes, a 17-year-old Jade entered a competition in the local paper and landed a week-long workshop at Greenwich Theatre. It ended with a production of the musical Golden Boy, alongside Olivier-nominated Jason Pennycooke – now in hit West End show Hamilton – and Sally Ann Triplett, whom Jade describes as a “musical theatre legend”.

“I was actually doing a project on her at school when I went to Greenwich Theatre,” she says. “Whenever I was in a play I enjoyed it so much, it would become my world. My parents could see it too, before I even knew I could do it as a job. I just loved it.”

It was a love she grabbed with both hands. Jade headed to the National Youth Theatre on a scholarship and then on to university, to Guildford School of Acting.

“It was a bit of a culture shock,” she remembers. “There were lots of people there who knew the whole ‘acting world’, they knew people’s names, they knew playwrights – and I didn’t know anything. I just liked messing about on stage.

“There were people there whose worlds were so different, who’d had totally different upbringings to me. So that was a bit of a shock. But I made mates for life, friends from different worlds, which is really good but also from the point of view of an actor – to be able to empathise and not be closed into your own world. It was amazing to meet an array of people and make friends.”

Despite once being told by her voice teacher she would “never do Shakespeare – I got completely slated for my voice”, Jade was hired immediately after graduating in 2007 by the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford-upon-Avon, where she not only landed a spot in an internationally touring play but earned a postgraduate award in teaching Shakespeare.

She was hired by the RSC for a role in The Penelopiad, Margaret Atwood’s twist on Homer’s epic The Iliad, focusing on a group of women who make just a brief appearance in his original. The all-female cast took the production to Atwood’s home country of Canada, where she came to see it, setting Jade up for a 14-month stint with the company.

Since then, she has taken the worlds of both stage and screen by storm – picking up numerous awards and accolades. In 2011, she received a commendation at the Ian Charleson Awards for her performance as Ophelia in Hamlet at the Globe, and in 2014 she won the Stage Award for Acting Excellence for her one-woman show at the Edinburgh Fringe. She was also named among InStyle’s Bafta breakout stars for 2018.

A woman of many talents, Jade has landed television roles in Doctor Who, Chewing Gum, Stan Lee’s Lucky Man and Trauma. Earlier this year she appeared alongside Sheridan Smith in Cleaning Up, a six-part drama on ITV.

Her most recent adventure in television is alongside megastar Idris Elba in his Netflix comedy series Turn Up Charlie, based in London and Ibiza, in which he plays a down-on-his-luck DJ, while Jade is Tommi – a slick, successful sound engineer.

“That was so much fun, I’ve never worked so long on a comedy before. I’d done a bit on Chewing Gum but nothing like this,” she smiles. “And he [Elba] created such a great vibe on set, because he was producing it too. I loved the cast – Piper Perabo [of Coyote Ugly fame] is great, she’s so cool. We went to Ibiza to film too – I got the jammiest deal.

“Idris is great – he improvises a lot, so we’d finish the scene but then keep rolling. If it feels like something’s fizzing they’ll keep it going.”

She has fond memories of when the cameras switched off too. “Oh my God, I swam in that sea,” she laughs. “Everyone was there, cast, producers, crew... we all had a dip and I remember looking round and thinking, ‘This is mad! Work should not be this fun’. I was proper pinching myself.”

Jade had another pinching-herself moment in March, when her film Fisherman’s Friends hit the cinema screens and made the top four movies in the UK – behind only Dumbo, Captain Marvel and Us. It follows the story of 10 fishermen from Cornwall who get signed by Island Records and achieve a top-10 hit with their debut album of sea shanties.

Jade plays a key role in the story. “It’s a proper feel-good British film,” she explains. “I play the head of Island Records, who signs the fishermen, who is a real person in real life, but is a man.”

Gender-hopping in roles isn’t unusual for Jade, who despite proudly flying the flag for female actors – in Phyllida Lloyd’s all-female Shakespeare trilogy at the Donmar Warehouse in 2016, for example – has played parts such as Henry IV’s Hotspur and Mark Antony in Julius Caesar, and has spoken previously about wanting to tackle James Bond.

“I was thinking about that the other day. And I also play roles on stage that are ‘male’ roles too. I kind of love that,” she smiles.

The idea of playing with identity feeds into her other life as a poet, in which she writes and performs verses, often exploring issues like gender and ‘otherness’.

Poetry has been with her since drama school and it was something she embraced on the road on acting jobs. “It was a way to be creative and be in control,” she explains. “When I couldn’t be in control in the acting world, I could be in control of my poems.”

In 2016 this led to her publishing a volume of verses – called Eggs On Toast – and last summer she gave a TEDx talk at Theatre Peckham on “being black, being a woman, being other”, featuring many of her own poems. Bounty, for example, explores the complexity of race and identity, with powerful, emotive lines.

“It ended up that the talk was going to be about identity,” Jade explains. “I knew I had to use poetry, because that’s how I can communicate with my voice best.”

She closed the talk with I Am A Woman – a powerful homage to Maya Angelou and her seminal poem Phenomenal Woman – peeling away societal expectations of femininity, getting to the root of what being a woman means to Jade.

What it means to be a woman of colour, and an actor, is also important to her, and it inspired a local event she organised last year called Black Panther Peckham.

“I love superhero films,” she explains. “I grew up obsessed with them, but there were so few black women. I was so disappointed with Halle Berry as Catwoman, because I love Halle Berry and thought it would be amazing... and then it was such a bad film. The script was just all wrong.

“So when I heard about [superhero film] Black Panther I thought, ‘Oh my God this would have been my absolute life when I was young’, and I just thought that people like my little cousins needed to watch it.”

Seeing Oscar-winner Viola Davis raising money in the US to send underprivileged young people to see the film, Jade sought to do something similar here in London. “We shouldn’t take it for granted that everyone can just afford to go to the cinema. Peckhamplex is obviously good anyway – £4.99, get in! – but even that for some people is a luxury. So I just started a GoFundMe page, and it went absolutely mental!”

Jade raised thousands of pounds for hundreds of local children to see Black Panther at Peckhamplex, with popcorn, drinks and Disney merchandise donated to the evening, along with a post-show Q&A for the young audience.

“It was so heartwarming,” she smiles. “It was so great that we could do it. I kept popping into the cinema and hearing the crowd’s reactions. There was something about a load of young people being in a room alone with their peers, that kind of shared experience, that was really special. They were having so much fun.”

Jade recently took another 140 young people from Peckham and other parts of south-east London to see the play Emilia in the West End. “I just thought it was so important for young people to see this production,” she says.

“The first of its kind with three women of colour in the lead and on the poster, in a play set in Shakespeare’s time about a forgotten, hidden story of a woman who found her voice. I was able to use some money left over from Black Panther Peckham to help make it happen.”

The second half of this year is set to be as action-packed as the first, with Jade appearing in A Black Actress – a photo exhibition celebrating black actresses that is set to open this summer. She will also appear alongside Blake Lively and Jude Law in The Rhythm Section, a big release hitting cinemas in November.

When we meet, she has just finished a run of her own one-woman show, Heart, at The Vaults under Waterloo Station, and it marks another branching-off in her creative life.

The 50-minute monologue is a journey of the heart, following a woman from her wedding day for the next seven years. “It’s a kind of call-to-arms, a call to look at society,” she explains.

“Really, again, it’s all about identity, and maybe feeling ‘other’. The idea of that and of heartache –where that sits you in society. It’s funny, but most people were crying at the end. They said they could recognise their own stories or moments in it.”

Opening on International Women’s Day with an all-female team made it all the more poignant, along with the fact that Jade was performing her own material in the setting of a play, rather than someone else’s script, or speaking poetry.

“It was different because it was my words,” she says. “There’s nothing to hide behind, but it was amazing. It was the start of a journey – I’m definitely going to do it again [Heart will be coming to a London theatre this autumn] and hopefully publish it. I just want it to live on, I want it to be told and told.”

[reelgalsofglasgow-blog]

The Golden Gals: The Reel Gals Academy Awards

The time has come. The envelopes have been sealed (with the right cards in each - we hope). We’ve been sewn into our best outfits. In lieu of an exuberant opening musical number featuring the ubiquitous James Corden, please enjoy a short clip of the best Oscars moment ever:

Honestly, if this year’s ceremony doesn’t open with just those fourteen seconds on a loop for a solid seven minutes, we’ll be sorely disappointed.

...

We know that all you’ll be thinking about now is that clip and basking in how gloriously weird it is… so maybe take a few minutes, watch that clip another eight or so times just to be sure; grab yourself a cuppa and settle in - because it’s time to announce our own Reel Gals Academy Award winners! The ‘Osc-hers’, if you will.

Ask any professional in TV - and they’ll tell you that the best entertainment always starts not with an idea or any spark of passion… but with a spreadsheet. Spreadsheets are the equivalent of Amino Acid for British TV programmes. Boring, but true. So we put together a spreadsheet listing each category and, depending on how many nominees, numbered them 1-5 (or 1-8 in Best Picture’s case) where 5 = favourite nominee. Then the magic spreadsheet worked out the average for us because damn, we’re not NASA.

With all our votes cast (unfortunately four of the categories had to drop as we just couldn’t get viewing copies in time - sorry Documentaries, Short Docs, Live Action Shorts and Foreign Language films!) our WhatsApp group chock full of planning for hectic last-minute trips to the cinema, trailer breakdowns, Spotify playlists, Adam Driver spam [Sorrrrry ~ Jen] and late night Netflix binges - we’re ready to present our own personal winners of each category - JUST in time for the ceremony itself.

Will we be as off-the-mark as the Academy not putting Emily Blunt up for a Lead Actress nomination for her stellar work in A Quiet Place? Or will it turn out that we are actually a collective of omniscient New Age Mystics, ordained by the gods of Hollywood themselves - imparting our sage wisdom and knowledge of the Future? Who can tell? Not us. (Or can we??)

So, get Red Carpet ready and join us for our 2019 Oscars picks and their close-fought runners-up, as voted for by us!

LEAD ACTOR

1. Christian Bale - Not gonna lie, it’s difficult to completely lavish Bale with praise considering that a major part of the prep in his transformation into the illusive Dick Cheney was “eating a LOT of pies”. If I was paid on the premise of my pie eating abilities, I’m pretty sure I would be up for an award too, just sayin’. Anyway, he does a pretty good damn job of depicting someone that no one really knows a great deal about in the first place, especially viewers outside the UK (I had to google him twice).  His flair for delivering an all consuming, intense and seminal performance is as apparent as ever despite the layers of latex and make up to contend with. Particularly during the heart attack scene in which I found myself worryingly questioning how much red meat and cream I’d had in the last month. It worth saying that his performance owes a great deal to the aforementioned hair and makeup team, whose work is nothing short of astonishing.  It’s literally the only Christian Bale film in which I’ve never been attracted to Christian Bale, for real.  Considering that his last Oscar win was in 2011 for The Fighter, another dramatic, transformative role then he might be in with a chance. The voters have shown time and time again that they award convincing portrayals of famous figures so I reckon It’s a toss up between Malek and Bale this year, although with utmost respect to Malek, I hope it’s the latter. [~Marie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Viggo Mortensen 

3. Rami Malek

LEAD ACTRESS

1. Olivia Colman - So, I always hear “Olivia Colman can do no wrong” and I have to admit that The Favourite is absolutely no exception. I first stumbled across her while heavily invested in Peep Show during my late teens, but it was really in Broadchurch that I fell in love with her as an actor (and while watching her acceptance speech for her recent BAFTA win, I fell in love with her as a person). I know that us Reel Gals were definitely a little divided regarding The Favourite as an overall film, but I don’t think any of us will have any major qualms if she picks up the Oscar this weekend. Her performance and portrayal of Queen Anne more than deserve it, and I stumbled around looking for the perfect phrase to express this embodiment, and her ability to make us empathize with this rather “brutish” historical figure. In the end what sums it up is Colman’s lack of fear to exhibit ‘grotesque charm’ balanced with her open vulnerability in the role of Queen Anne that (along with the other female-lead performances) kept the film afloat for me. [~ Kayleigh]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Yalitza Aparicio

3. Lady Gaga

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

1. Mahershala Ali - Ali, to me is one of those faces (handsome faces) that, when you see, you can't quite put your finger on and when you IMDb search him you find yourself saying “Oh yeah, that's what he's in”, and to me that includes the fact that I forget about his Academy Award winning performance in Moonlight.  After Green Book I don't think I'll be forgetting him again and us Gals believe he should be receiving his second Oscar tonight to join his BAFTA and Golden Globe for the performance.  His portrayal of Classical and Jazz pianist Dr Don Shirley is the perfect accompaniment and antithesis to the uncouth Tony Lip portrayed by Viggo Mortensen.  I don't know enough about Dr Don Shirley to say that Mahershala embodies him, but I don't think that matters as much as the feeling watching his performance gives the viewer.  You can feel his frustration with Tony during their road trip, you can feel his loneliness in the hotels at night, you can feel his passion for music and playing the piano, you can feel his anger at how he is treated by the ignorant white southerners purely based on the colour of his skin and you can feel his love in the tear inducing final scene.  Any performance that can make me empathise with the emotions of an American male, mid-30s, black, upper-class, talented performer trying to overcome racism and ignorance in the American Deep South in the 60s (and if you hadn't guessed I fit none of those categories), is a powerful performance indeed.  Good luck Mahershala!   [~Robyn]

JOINT RUNNERS UP:

2. Richard E Grant / Adam Driver

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

1. Regina King - This may well have been the easiest category for me to vote on. (Even though I actually felt that this year showcased a whole lot of strongly-delivered performances, by so many talented women.) Regina King - wow - what a badass lady right there. I thought that the acting from all parties in If Beale Street Could Talk was so incredibly sincere, but especially that of King's. Together with the colour palette, soundtrack and cinematography, I was honestly so moved by the whole film (and am *entirely gutted* that it's been overshadowed by its competitors). I have only one complaint about IBSCT and that is that Regina King should have got more screen time. Everything I've seen King in I've loved and I have to admit that I was just happy to see this nomination, let alone think that her performance in IBSCT was flawless and even although she has some tough competition, that she fully deserves to win the Oscar. If Beale Street Could Talk represents love, passion, strength and power, whilst addressing themes such as race and equality - everything this film stands for, Regina King embodies in herself as a person and channels in her character, Sharon Rivers. It was refreshing to watch King and just believe her, believe in her character and believe in her as woman and a mother. You will forever be one of my heroes Regina, thank-you for sharing your talent. [~Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Rachel Weisz

3. Emma Stone

BEST DIRECTOR

1. Spike Lee - I’m almost pained to admit that my first experience of a Spike Lee film only came about during my 3rd year of studying film at uni (for shame).  The module was ‘The Importance of Soundtrack’ and in particular, the inclusion of pop, hip-hop & R&B music to accentuate social commentary and help establish mood, setting and underlying tension that any director worth their salt can’t express through dialogue alone.  I remember leaving the tiny Gilmore cinema on a Tuesday afternoon having watched Do the Right Thing and feeling unusually energised, awake and slightly angry -  but in a good way. Cut to roughly 7 years later, I’m leaving Cineworld, on my 29th birthday, no less,  after a screening of BlacKkKlansman, still vibrating with anger and frustration 5 minutes after the film ended. It’s the most powerful last 10 minutes of a film, but it’s not Spike Lee’s best. Nor do I think it’s the best film of the year (although I’m possibly in the minority of my Reel Gals peers in saying that). However, in light of a barrage of recent injustices in the US  - social and political -  it cannot be considered anything less than a vital and timely film which (despite its shortcomings) deserves all the Oscar attention it gets. Lee is a complete master in his unique ability to inject comedy and style into a hard-hitting subject matter such as blind, racial hatred. Since next year will mark the 30th year since Lee’s first infamous Oscar snub, I feel like it’s only right that the academy should Do the Right Thing (heh, you see what I did there..?) and honour him for managing to stay angry (or #woke, if you prefer) and keeping us angry - in a good way. [~Marie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Alfonso Cuarón

3. Yorgos Lanthimos

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

1. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - If you were to pause this film on any frame, you could print it and hang it on your wall. Every single frame is a work of art. The Best Animated Feature category was extremely strong this year with the usual gorgeous Pixar and Disney outings that ordinarily would have snatched the title as they have done in previous years. Such is the power and unique brilliance of this film to take on the two Animation behemoths at their best and come out on top. Boasting twice the normal number of animators (177!!) to bring to life Phil Lord and Christopher Miller’s vision for Miles Morales’ colourful and diverse world, it utilises a glorious twist of new and old forms of animation as well as ideas from print - halftones, hatching and overprinting as well as inserting comic cells and onomatopoeic graphics (“THWIP!” and “BAGEL!” are particular favourites). Not only have we mixtures of frame-rates for characters within the same frame (Whaaaaat?!) to denote Miles’ initial clumsiness versus the other Spider-People’s practised grace; but we’re treated to mixtures of graphic styles with Manga, Noir and classic American cartoon for each of the Multi-Verse Spiders - which shouldn’t work, but does here so, SO well. It’s easy to understand how 10 seconds of final cut content took an entire year for 177 people to create. Lovely little touches like characters stepping into Noir’s space being affected by his immediate ‘windy’ environment and the hand-drawn overlays and inserted comic style frames make this the most exciting, innovative and beautiful-looking animated film not only of 2018 but we believe also of the last decade. It is a true cinematic experience and one that not only deserves the Oscar, but also deserves recognition for changing the landscape of what’s possible for film animation. Also, not going to lie - a lot of us came out of the film inexplicably attracted to Peter B Parker and wish he was real. We would buy that man as many bagels as he wants, for sure. [~Jen]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Isle of Dogs

3. Ralph Breaks the Internet

BEST ANIMATED SHORT

1. Bao - Pixar shorts. They are great. One of the Reel gooduns is, Bao. It’s kinda silly, it’s a bit weird, but ultimately it does what Pixar does best. It taps into very touching, emotional aspects of the human condition. Bao is a 2018 computer-animated short film written and directed by Domee Shi and produced by Pixar Animation Studios. It was released with Incredibles 2 on June 15, 2018. It’s the shortest film of the shorts-lineup. Focusing on a middle aged mother is a wonderful perspective to choose. The film is about an ageing Chinese-Canadian mother, suffering from empty nest syndrome. She receives a rather unusual second chance at motherhood when she makes a baozi dumpling that comes to life as a boy. The film takes you by surprise at several points, after being lulled into a place of “OK, maybe this human baozi is something I can get on board with”, but it ends on a beautiful note. So, as Danny Devito once put it: “I like it, I love it, I want more of it”. [~ Caroline]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Late Afternoon

3. One Small Step

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

1. BlacKkKlansman - Last year Get Out won the award for best original screenplay for its haunting, hilarious, terrifying, and almost ridiculously scary tale. Some thought this tale of fiction was too simple in its over-the-topness, but the message it wanted to pass was far from it. This year, the equally unbelievable and extremely important story of racism and bigotry comes in an adapted script form based on the true reports of police officer and KKK infiltrator Ron Stallworth. Released as a memoir in 2014 by Stallworth, screenwriters David Rabinowitz and Charlie Wachtel were shocked to find out that no studios even bothered buying the rights to this unbelievable tale and independently adapted the work. It’s not just a brilliant story cause of what happened. It’s not just an amazing comedy cause of the clever dialogue. Its ingenuity, lies on how contemporary this ‘period’ piece reads. From dialogue that feel as if you’re reading the latest Trump supporter’s tweets, to the unbelievable and unapologetic beliefs some have and march for even today. And in case quotes from the Grand Duke of the KKK like ‘I just want to make America great’ didn’t give the film a terrifying enough case of the ‘history is repeating itself’, the brilliant end scene sure does. Thank you for your public service, one day *hopefully* we’ll learn from past mistakes. [~ Lia]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Can You Ever Forgive Me?

3. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

1. Green Book - Well, I can genuinely say that Green Book is one of the most beautifully written and delivered films I have been blessed with watching at the cinema in a long time. Based on a true story, it invites the audience to join a world class African-American pianist and his Italian-American driver from the Bronx, on a concert tour of the Deep South in the 60′s - a difficult storyline, fraught with potential pitfalls, executed in a gentle and respectful way. Named after a legitimate travel guide that listed businesses that would accept African-American custom, Green Book confronts infuriating themes such as racism, segregation, class and sexuality – all of which are still issues today. The story encapsulates the growth of an unlikely partnership between the musician Dr Shirley (Mahershala Ali) and Tony Lip (Viggo Mortensen) – quick note to talk about how outstanding, heart-warming and believable their performances were – as with time, the begin to respect, understand and care for each other. [Obviously there are questions about why Green Book would frame a story about racism in the Deep South around a white man’s experience - and have the man of colour take a back seat. Literally. My takeaway from the film was mostly that people aren’t defined by their class as much as they aren’t by their colour - just because Dr Shirley is black does not mean he ought to fall into tired old stereotypes - just because Tony is poor (by comparison) and working class, doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy the ‘perceived spoils of the upper classes’ - classical music or any of the rest of it. Dr Shirley expands Tony’s experience and understanding with regards race - while Tony expands Dr Shirley’s in class. In a post-Brexit and Trump world, where working class people are feeling increasingly marginalised and are partaking in scapegoating of people of colour as a result, perhaps Green Book (however problematic it may still be) presents a message that might get through to those people in today’s political climate? But of course, all of this is my opinion as a lower middle-class white lassie from the UK. ~Jen] 

As such, Peter Farrelly, Brian Currie and Nick Vallelonga (notably Tony Lip’s son) presents us with a rather Hollywood (in other words: soft) version of this story, resulting in a mixed response for this film (not from us down at Reel Gals HQ, we loved it), however, he tries to carefully balance out the hard-hitting, dark scenarios that our duo face on the road with the cleverly written dialogue and characterisation running into some really special, incredibly warm moments of character-driven humour.  

All in all, I would say Green Book is a cinematically stunning piece of work as well as a story of growth and respect; a feel good film that deserves the Oscar (I'm going to give Roma a quick S/O, as I do believe that it it too would be a worthy winner). I can also say that Farrelly really surprised me after some of the (in my opinion) trash that he’s previously had his name on (Dumb and Dumber, I’m looking at you). You will leave the film feeling warm, with faith in cinema and the inability to stop thinking about how much you want to fold up an entire pizza and eat it like a sandwich – I know I did. [~ Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Roma

3. Vice

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

1. Roma -  Rumour has it that the revolution will not be televised, and up until recently, the category for Cinematography was almost relegated to the ad-breaks. Why John Bailey, why? Thankfully, after a public ballyhoo, we will be able to see the award presented via live stream (as well as Editing, Live-Action Short, and Makeup and Hairstyling). So why is Cinematography so vital to us?

 Let’s go back forty-eight years for a moment. Director, Norman Jewison once talked about how he created the warm, earthy haze of Fiddler on the Roof (1971) with the director of photography, Oswald Morris. They lined a lens with a pair of brown nylons seen on a woman on set (hello, 1970’s Hollywood!). Though Jewison shrugged this story off as a lucky spur-of-the-moment decision, it was made and carried out to stunning effect. Watch it and see. Almost half-a century later, and cinematography has continued to thrive in ingenuity and style.

 The Reel Gals have come together to appreciate Alfonso Cuarón’s, cinematographic mastery in Roma. Originally, Emmanuel Lubezki was set to take on this task, but there was an availability clash. Cuarón took over as well as writing the screenplay and directing the film. Lubezki remained an influence to Cuarón who said in an interview with Variety that Lubezki’s voice was in the back of his mind as he worked.

Roma is a semi-autobiographical take on Cuarón's upbringing in the Colonia Roma neighbourhood of Mexico City. Cuarón said of his stylistic choices:

 “I would say it’s the ghost of the present that is visiting the past, without getting involved, just observing, not trying to make a judgment or commentary.”

 With this in mind, I can see why he shot it in black and white. Actually, he shot it in colour with the Alexa 65, then paired it back to black-and-white, like a photo-realistic painter. The effect of this is that the film is crisp, and each scene seems almost 3D. When you take the colour away, other senses become heightened. The sounds in Roma, for example, are so much more present. The less you see, the more you fill in with your mind. Strangely, things seem more vivid in black and white.

 I recommend this article as it gives much more information about the visual decisions which were made. All I can say at this point is that as viewers, we intuitively respond to what has been crafted for us, and this craft should be celebrated. Alfonso Cuarón has given us an incredible film which (like Fidder) will be talked about by new generations of Reel Gals in another fifty years.  [~ Caroline]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Never Look Away

3. A Star is Born / The Favourite

BEST FILM EDITING

1.Vice - Of all of the films shortlisted for the Oscars, one has stood out as being one with as many ideas laid out in the edit as it was in the writing and shooting of the piece. Hank Corwin makes use of syncopation like the greatest of musicians - very frequently going places creatively you would never expect… cuts to black; use of archive; the visuals quite often were at odds with the sound, but in the best possible ways. It is frantic, meta, fourth-wall busting, juxtaposition-filled mania with a persistent overarching feeling of extreme unease and increasing dread - perfectly fitting for Cheney’s journey into Power.[~ Jen]

RUNNERS UP:

2. BlacKkKlansman

3. Bohemian Rhapsody

BEST SOUND MIXING

1. Bohemian Rhapsody - So quickly, for those of you (like myself before casting my votes) who didn't know the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing, Sound Editing is the creation and use of sound effects, Sound Mixing is the overall use of soundtrack including music, dialogue, sound effects, the whole shebang really.  Overall, although I thoroughly enjoyed Bohemian Rhapsody, I'm not sure I agree with the amount of award attention this movie is getting.  Maybe being a big Queen fan the movie left me feeling like it was mostly a celebration of them as a band and lacked any profound revelation.  However what can be truly marvelled at in this movie is the recreation of Freddie Mercury's performances; credit where it's due, Rami Malek did a great job of becoming him on screen; but the reproduction of that incredible voice and Queen’s Greatest Hits is what really makes the film what I would call “The Queen Experience”.  After seeing the movie and rediscovering an old love by listening to the soundtrack on repeat I noticed that it included live tracks and demos, and doing a bit of digging I discovered that for the concert scenes they used the real live sound from the concerts being recreated, in fact these sequences were chosen around the choice of recording (although don't quote me on that, my sources are from the internet, could be fake news).  Also, to make the Freddie Mercury voice perfect some of the recordings were mixed with Canadian Christian Rock artist Marc Martel whose voice is so similar you can barely tell the difference.  All of this attention to detail along with the cinematic surround sound effects means that for millennials like us, unfortunately too young to have seen Freddie perform live ourselves, can feel like we were actually at Live Aid (sorry Adam Lambert, you don't quite cut it).  That sounds award worthy to me. [~Robyn]

RUNNERS UP:

2. A Star is Born

3. First Man

BEST SOUND EDITING

1. First Man - As I mentioned above, for those of you who don't know, the Sound Editing category celebrates the creation and use of Sound Effects.  There are certain members of the Reel Gals that would disagree with me on my analysis of First Man - I found it boring and too long and to be 90% Ryan Gosling not really acting and mostly just being mopey (and this is coming from someone who loves Ry-Go as much as the next girl).  However I can appreciate that creating the illusion of space travel relies heavily on sound effects, on this I cannot fault the film.  Any scene that features people in the cockpit of a space rocket or bouncing about the face of the moon (spoiler - Neil Armstrong is the “first man” to take one small step for man and one… blah blah blah you know the rest), is beautifully soundtracked with what I imagine since I have never been to the moon, realistic sound effects. [Like Pavlov’s Dog - if I ever hear that intense rattling from this version of the cockpit of Apollo 11 again, I will take a serious whitey. ~Jen]  There are no dodgy Wilhelm Screams during the upsetting cockpit fire scene or Star Trek-like door “wooshes” here.  Now maybe if these types of sounds had been included I would have been more entertained, but the sound effects were so realistic and in the moon landing scene almost beautiful.  So well done to the sound team for keeping me too firmly in reality with this film. [~Robyn]

RUNNERS UP:

2. A Quiet Place

3. Bohemian Rhapsody

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

1. Mary Poppins Returns - I thought it was impossible to make a new Mary Poppins film and that attempting to remake a classic was just Hollywood proving it had run out of ideas but in the case of Mary Poppins Returns’ production designer John Myhre strikes a fine balance of appealing to the old eyes who watched the original and the fresh new ones experiencing this story for the first time. If you’re the one wearing the nostalgia glasses then each and every set in this film will make you feel like the kid you were all those years ago - from the cobbled streets of the reimagined 1930s London to the whimsical wonder that is the upside down house. This is where Myhre’s talent shines as he pays homage to the old while never quite replicating it. The house of 17 Cherry Tree Lane still looks and feels as if it has been lifted from Emile Kuri’s original designs but feels reimagined, the fingerprints of Michael Banks life as an adult are prevalent in every room - especially in the attic. Taking a trip up there feels like throwing yourself back in time filled with a clutter of old easter eggs that would thrill any fan of the first film - you don’t have to look far to spot the blocks used by Julie Andrews in ‘Spoonful of Sugar’ or the sash worn by Jane’s mum and of course the most notable throwback of all - the kite. In the end, this is a real house for a real man, in real depression who has lived a very real life but then cue Mary Poppins. The drab, brown and grey colour palette across the set bursts into colour as her mere presence turns this gritty reality into a magical fantasy. The mix of fantasy and reality blends seamlessly together so much so that even the expertly recreated scenes like Big Ben’s tower have a flare of magic to them.

I hadn’t realised until the credits started to roll that somewhere along the way I had taken my nostalgia glasses off and started to view this film as its own entity. Through beautifully crafted sets that meld seamlessly into the classic stylings of the animations, meticulous in detail, it captures the spirit of its predecessor but has an identity very much of its own. So, now I am prepared to eat my earlier retort and believe in the words of Mary Poppins herself - “everything is possible, even the impossible.”  [~Isla]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Black Panther

3. The Favourite

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

1. Shallow - A Star is Born - I have to admit, I’m rather gutted that All The Stars missed out on our number one spot (thanks Gals) but Shallow undoubtedly is a bit of a banger. “Is there somethin’ else you’re searching for” - Shallow poetically (when I say poetically, I mean pretty darn obviously) offers the audience an insight to both Ali and Jackson’s character growth throughout the film: Ali, looking to get more out of her life than it was offering her and Jackson, his deterioration in light of his dying career (is that a spoiler? Surely not!). Don’t get me wrong, I loved A Star is Born and genuinely think Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper *pauses for Bradley Cooper’s voice* have an undeniable connection, the way they perform together - both in this song and the film as a whole - left me with chills (an opinion shared by fewer than half of the Reel Gals) [I may have hated the film, but that won’t stop me beltin’ this mother out at the karaoke ~ Jen] - Shallow will live on and I am sure will be leaving with Academy award, however in my opinion, it’s not particularly inspiring or lyrically imaginative. Still love you, Gaga. [~ Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. All The Stars - Black Panther

3. The Place Where Lost Things Go - Mary Poppins Returns

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

1. BlacKkKlansman by Terence Blanchard - BlacKkKlansman marks the 19th project and 30th year of a Spike Lee/Terence Blanchard partnership and wowzers! Blanchard has composed a score that beautifully enhances the exquisite direction of Lee, capturing a sound that really drives the audience’s emotion throughout the film. Although I found it almost impossible to choose between all the nominations for Best Score, Blanchard has stolen top spot at the Reel Gals’ Academy Awards and to be honest, rightfully so! Terence Blanchard uses “his passion and desire to serve the story” when it comes to anything he composes, which is just one of the reasons he is fully deserved of the Oscar when it comes to the BlacKkKlansman score. He pulls in influences of Hendrix with the electric guitar (which in my opinion really captures Ron Stallworth’s character as a whole) and couples it with the power of brass, a combination that successfully delivers both chilling and comedic moments – alluding to what the audience should be feeling, rather than being on the nose. Terence Blanchard had the responsibility of composing for an unbelievable and haunting TRUE story and respectfully does so, joining Spike Lee in telling the a story of hate from the 70s and leaving the audience with the hard-hitting truths that we still deal with similar hate, even now. [~ Katie]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Mary Poppins Returns by Marc Shaiman & Scott Wittman

3. Black Panther by Ludwig Goransson

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIR

1. Vice - Makeup and hair are such a crucial part of building the characters we see on screen - they help the actors embody the person they’re playing (literally!). The outcry when the Academy dared to suggest that they might bump this and other critical categories (Cinematography and Editing to name a couple for gawd’s sake - HOW DO YOU MAKE A FILM WITHOUT THOSE??!) to being hidden in the ad breaks was so vehement - and rightly so. I don’t know how many times I walked past the poster and ad screens for Vice and had next to no recognition at all for any of the main cast. When I eventually read the names under the pictures, I remember very loudly going “WHAT?! WHAAAAAAT?! all the way down the escalator in our local Cineworld (my partner can attest to his embarrassment at my outburst)… Steve Carell, Sam Rockwell, Amy Adams… and then we have Christian “So Method” Bale. 

Some people might argue that his transformation was mostly down to, as Marie suggests in our Lead Actor category, his increased pie intake and his unmatched ability to give himself over completely to the character.  But without the design and hard work every day of Greg Cannom, Kate Biscoe and Patricia Dehaney, he would have just been “Thicc, Evil Christian Bale” - not an almost-indistinguishable-from-the-real-thing embodiment of political monster Dick Cheney. 

There is an absolutely excellent article I found in which Cannom talks website Vox through his design and daily process and it’s frankly incredible. < find it here >  More incredible still, once he had a cast of Bale’s head (whom he says was wary of the process of SFX makeup and prosthetics as he hadn’t done it before) he only had two weeks to design and build the various ages of Cheney onto Bale’s very differently-shaped head. The quality of the skin (given a sweaty shine by an application of KY Jelly as a final step to the process, hilariously) is impeccable; the build of the silicone to completely change the shape of Bale’s face is grotesquely gorgeous. Across the board this is one of the most impressive examples of practical makeup and hair SFX I’ve ever seen - and in an age of CGId top lips to remove stubborn moustaches and digital de-ageing processes getting more and more advanced, this film proves the practical way is as strong and vital as ever and fully deserving of taking centre stage - on air - at the Oscars. [~Jen]

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

1. Black Panther - I couldn’t possibly pretend to be an expert on costume design or on the numerous African Tribal influences that have given these costumes their heart and soul. But, I can say that while watching Black Panther I was utterly blown away with the attention to detail, combined with the bold bursts of colour and creativity. I also can’t explain my sheer relief and empowerment of watching fierce female characters kick ass without the carbon copy, over sexualized outfit with matching heels. Now I don’t want my first blog post to cause too much of a divide, but I’m definitely referring to my eye roll during Wonder Woman right after I spotted those raised golden beauties... and just for the record, I actually loved Wonder Woman (and I love heels) but it was just so refreshing, and practical, without losing any of the superhero escapism we all long for.  The head costume designer Ruth E. Carter absolutely fulfilled all my ‘tribal-warrior-female-fantasy’ dreams (is that a category from RuPaul’s Drag Race?) and I left the cinema envious of her talent. Some of the costumes were literally pieces of wearable art and will no doubt be celebrated as such. [~ Kayleigh]

JOINT RUNNERS UP:

2. The Favourite / Mary Poppins Returns

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

1. Ready Player One - This was one of the most difficult categories to vote for. All five films brought amazing innovations in the art of cinema and definitely deserve to be recognised for them and you know what, Reel Gals will! First Man combined a mixture of diverse sources for its aesthetic; visual effects, special effects, and even archival footage of the NASA launch. Solo gave us the perfect visual effect adaptation of the legend that Star Wars fans everywhere know as the 12 parsecs run. Christopher Robin created a photoreality mixed with shot on location footage so good, that its parody Trainspotting mashup video attests to its VFX perfection. Avengers: Infinity War had two different effects teams (TWO!) building the most realistic performance from Brolin’s onset one and could possibly land Marvel with their first ever effects Oscar. However, Ready Player One, created an entire virtual world that immersed characters and viewers alike by combining effects with animation. Remember The Overlook Hotel part from The Shining in the film? The blood? The scary twins and old lady turned into a zombie? That’s right, hand them that award now and then in true Mean Girls fashion, break it up and share with the rest. You’re all VFX queens. [~Lia]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Avengers: Infinity War

3. First Man

Which leaves us with just one more award to lay out… it’s the big’un. Can you guess what it might be, from our voting habits above?

BEST PICTURE

1. BlacKkKlansman - Winning our Best Picture vote - based on a true story, BlacKkKlansman is a spectacularly timely look at institutional and societal racism and bigotry - holding a mirror up squarely in the face of modern audiences. Set against the backdrop of the Ku Klux Klan’s ‘organised hate’ in 1970’s Colorado, it is equal parts horrifying and hilarious; poignant and relevant. The performances are compelling and perfectly balanced - most notably, the relationship between buddy cops John David Washington’s ‘Ron Stallworth’ and Adam Driver’s ‘Flip Zimmerman’ is nuanced and brimming with mutual respect, both for one another in character and as actors. The two have spectacular comic timing - but they both also boast the finely-honed acting chops to carry the Singularity-strength gravity of the themes presented by Ron Stallworth’s incredible true story. The beautifully-composed shots and off-kilter score compliment Spike Lee’s characteristically brave and politically-biting choices as director, exemplified particularly in the closing scene of his latest Joint, which (after a moment of levity and possibly the biggest laugh of the film) is affecting, desperately sad and deeply terrifying - and will stay with you for a long time.     [~ Jen]

RUNNERS UP:

2. Green Book

3. Roma

And that’s that. The audience’s sugar levels are low… The ‘get off the stage’ music has started playing… and the awards organisers are threatening to cut to an ad break. But before they can send the heavies onto the stage to forcibly remove us - it’s NOT OVER YET - *grabs microphone*  here are some nominations we would have added:

BEST PICTURE: First Man [Genuinely thought this was a shoe-in! ~Jen]

BEST SONG: Sunflower by Post Malone & Swae Lee for Spider-Verse [Honestly, the entire score for Spider-Verse was spectacular and I'm gutted it didn't get a nomination either, although it was tough enough as it is for best original score, as all nominations are stunning - BUT BEST SONG, where is this nomination? And WHY, GOD WHHHY is ‘I'll Fight’ on there? It genuinely made me want to pull out my eyeballs ~ Katie] [Couldn’t agree more. Ruth Bader Ginsberg deserves more than this old-fashioned early 2000s-style credit-roller ballad. You’re better than this, J-Hud. ~ Jen]

LEAD ACTRESS: Emily Blunt for A Quiet Place

LEAD ACTRESS: Viola Davis for Widows 

LEAD ACTOR: John David Washington for BlacKkKlansman [This omission I think has slightly tarnished Driver’s well-deserved nomination for Best Supporting; with a lot of people asking why the ‘white guy is the only one to receive an acting nom from a film about a black man’s struggles with the KKK’. I would suggest that Driver’s character Flip, as DJW’s character Ron states: “Also has skin in the game”, being Jewish - it’s hardly him doing a ‘Scarlet Johansson’, given the point of the story is that he’s Ron’s proxy and crucial to his takedown of the chapter. But then it *is* difficult to argue that the intentions of the Academy were (whether subconsciously or not) entirely well-intentioned on the matter of not including Washington in the nominations. ~ Jen]

LEAD ACTOR: Steve Carell for Beautiful Boy

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Steve Carell (again - what a year he’s had!) for Vice

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Timotheé Chalamet for Beautiful Boy

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Danai Gurira for Black Panther

VISUAL EFFECTS: Welcome to Marwen [This!! ~ Kayleigh]

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Whitney [I would also say the editing of this was fantastic, if it's good enough for the Edinburgh Film Festival then it’s good enough for an Oscar consideration ~Robyn]  

And despite the outwardly more-diverse-than-usual (which still isn’t saying much) nominee list this year thanks to an extremely influential #OscarsSoWhite campaign and hopefully the beginnings of a turning of the tide for Hollywood (we hope - it's about bloody time something improved) - it seems the Academy aren’t quite there with equality and representation yet...

BEST DIRECTOR: A woman. Any women, for goodness’ sake. It’s 2019! A nod to Glasgow-born Lynne Ramsay for You Were Never Really Here, Marielle Heller for Can You Ever Forgive Me? and Debra Granik for Leave No Trace. Just in case the Academy didn’t think they had enough choice! [~Marie]

At time of writing, the other main awards events for the year have been and gone - and the differences in nominations and winners laid out by the Oscars, BAFTAs, Globes and Critics’ Choice nominees lists vs the reality of women’s film work in 2018 are still quite stark - specifically in contrast with events like the Independent Spirit Awards - (admittedly films like Green Book and blockbusters etc wouldn’t qualify) - who lavished their awards last night on films like If Beale Street Could Talk; You Were Never Really Here, Leave No Trace and Sorry to Bother You - notably with many of the winners crying out for more female representation in the nominations for Directing and other categories in film in general.

2018 was the strongest year for representation of women in film yet - with places like the BFI Film Festival presenting more female-led films than ever before in its history and how vociferous the support is getting for equal opportunity and recognition - importantly not only from women - in calling out these omissions-by-gender, here’s hoping the Academy will catch on. Eventually.

But until that time… thanks for joining us for our little pre-Oscars ceremony and our first proper blog! Cheers for reading, sharing and any hits of the like button are greatly appreciated… Thank you to the Academy… we’d also like to thank our parents, everyone who believed in us, Adele Dazeem, dogs (all of them) for being excellent...

*Rugby-tackled by security guards and dragged off-stage*

Xx ~ The Reel Gals

(Find us on instagram: reel_gals_of_glasgow | twitter: ReelGalsGlasgow)

[clothestop]

Women In History

I grew up believing that women had contributed nothing to the world until the 1960′s. So once I became a feminist I started collecting information on women in history, and here’s my collection so far, in no particular order. 

Lepa Svetozara Radić (1925–1943) was a partisan executed at the age of 17 for shooting at German soldiers during WW2. As her captors tied the noose around her neck, they offered her a way out of the gallows by revealing her comrades and leaders identities. She responded that she was not a traitor to her people and they would reveal themselves when they avenged her death. She was the youngest winner of the Order of the People’s Hero of Yugoslavia, awarded in 1951

23 year old Phyllis Latour Doyle was British spy who parachuted into occupied Normandy in 1944 on a reconnaissance mission in preparation for D-day. She relayed 135 secret messages before France was finally liberated. 

Catherine Leroy, War Photographer starting with the Vietnam war. She was taken a prisoner of war. When released she continued to be a war photographer until her death in 2006.

Lieutenant Pavlichenko was a Ukrainian sniper in WWII, with a total of 309 kills, including 36 enemy snipers. After being wounded, she toured the US to promote friendship between the two countries, and was called ‘fat’ by one of her interviewers, which she found rather amusing. 

Johanna Hannie “Jannetje” Schaft was born in Haarlem. She studied in Amsterdam had many Jewish friends. During WWII she aided many people who were hiding from the Germans and began working in resistance movements. She helped to assassinate two nazis. She was later captured and executed. Her last words were “I shoot better than you.”. 

Nancy wake was a resistance spy in WWII, and was so hated by the Germans that at one point she was their most wanted person with a price of 5 million francs on her head. During one of her missions, while parachuting into occupied France, her parachute became tangled in a tree. A french agent commented that he wished that all trees would bear such beautiful fruit, to which she replied “Don’t give me any of that French shit!”, and later that evening she killed a German sentry with her bare hands. 

After her husband was killed in WWII, Violette Szabo began working for the resistance. In her work, she helped to sabotage a railroad and passed along secret information. She was captured and executed at a concentration camp at age 23. 

Grace Hopper was a computer scientist who invented the first ever compiler. Her invention makes every single computer program you use possible. 

Mona Louise Parsons was a member of an informal resistance group in the Netherlands during WWII. After her resistance network was infiltrated, she was captured and was the first Canadian woman to be imprisoned by the Nazis. She was originally sentenced to death by firing squad, but the sentence was lowered to hard lard labor in a prison camp. She escaped. 

Simone Segouin was a Parisian rebel who killed an unknown number of Germans and captured 25 with the aid of her submachine gun. She was present at the liberation of Paris and was later awarded the ‘croix de guerre’. 

Mary Edwards Walker is the only woman to have ever won an American Medal of Honor. She earned it for her work as a surgeon during the Civil War. It was revoked in 1917, but she wore it until hear death two years later. It was restored posthumously. 

Italian neuroscientist won a Nobel Prize for her discovery of nerve growth factor. She died aged 103. 

EDIT

jinxedinks added: Her name was Rita Levi-Montalcini. She was jewish, and so from 1938 until the end of the fascist regime in Italy she was forbidden from working at university. She set up a makeshift lab in her bedroom and continued with her research throughout the war.  

A snapshot of the women of color in the woman’s army corps on Staten Island

This is an ongoing project of mine, and I’ll update this as much as I can (It’s not all WWII stuff, I’ve got separate folders for separate achievements). 

File this under: The History I Wish I’d Been Taught As A Little Girl

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 42 - BOS - BosDone

Wow. I have not wanted to completely ignore a Buffalo Sabres game this much since the depths of despair last season. My wife and I were getting back from a dinner when I looked and saw the score was 2-0 Boston and the second period had hardly begun. I proceeded to take care of my sick wife thinking to myself: Am I going to turn on this game? Would I be a bad fan, unworthy of the blog I’m writing to not turn on this game? I told myself I would watch the third period and whoopsy I forgot. This game had moments late in third but was there any part of it that was can’t-miss television… when the World Juniors Final is also an option? I’m not saving that for the P.S. today: this WJC Final was actually a profound win-win-win as one tweeter pointed out. If the Finnish win, that’s our boys UPL and Laaskonen; if the USA win, PATRIOTISM! Third win: Canada didn’t even medal so eat that. UPL got some big time attention and it is so awesome to have a Sabres goaltending prospect get attention… ugh, I just remembered the goaltending narrative I was trying to push going into this Boston game… ugh… do I have to talk about the Sabres game? Can I get like one or two free spaces this season? Shit, I’m going to talk about it. Gee, it seems Buffalo is just Bos-done at this point! My friggin puns aren’t even landing right now. The Sabres are only in a playoff spot as I write this because the Habs lost! The playoff odds just dropped below 50% didn’t they? UGH… can Jeff Skinner resign already so I have something else to talk about?

This game started off with a little wrinkle to keep you watching. Chris Wagner cleaned up a Bruins rebound and thought he got the goal. It got called back for perhaps the most obvious goaltender interference you’ll see this season. Then about ten minutes later Chris Wagner picks off Rasmus Dahlin’s most egregious defensive zone turnover yet and shot it past Linus Ullmark before he had a chance to see it. You might think, oh, might there be an opportunity for the Sabres to respond? Nope. What about on the powerplay? No, you’re funny. Not only nope but the refs put their whistles away until late in the third when it most benefited the Bruins to take em out. David Backes scored a goal in the second in his first game back from suspension because the Hockey Gods enjoy our suffering. Not only that but Ullmark looked bad on that goal. He said afterward: “I guess I didn’t hide the cookie well enough.” Dear lord, Linus, if I did not have your sense of humor right now I do not know how I would’ve wrote this friggin blog right now. That’s all that really needs to be said about the second period. The third is when the visitors finally showed some life. Well… with less than three minutes left. Rasmus Ristolainen got the puck in the neutral zone on a Bruins line change and walked it in like this game wasn’t a train wreck in its concluding act. He put one high on Tuuka Rask and killed the shutout unassisted. Most of the Sabres shots in this final frame came in this last 2:38 of the game as Sabres fans thought maybe this wasn’t a complete disaster. It was and the Sabres lose 2-1 to Bos-done and looked awful doing it. Remember when the Sabres were winning close games in November like a top 5 team in the NHL? Oh yea, those were the days, eh?

So what did we learn? Either goaltender is going to struggle when they got jack-shit for goal support. Sure, Ullmark didn’t look immaculate for most of this game but geez, guys: one goal he didn’t see because it was a turnover 4 seconds before it was in his net and the other was well… him feeling like jack-shit. Speaking of Jack: has this game proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jack Eichel is the Buffalo Sabres? There are too many retired numbers for a club 49 years without a Stanley Cup but Jack could retire now and get his number raised to the rafters. If Eichel was in this game tell me he wouldn’t have scored. Tell me, you coward! You can’t because he would’ve: the guy likes to score in his hometown Boston more than New Englanders think Tom Brady isn’t a shitty human being. How many times during this game would Jack Eichel have turned it around? A tying goal in the first, a response goal in the second, a fucking tying goal in the third, a fucking game winner in OT with a fist bump into the air like he just won the fucking BEANPOT! Holy shit, he would’ve scored two goals by himself and changed the atmosphere entirely! Luckily we now know he’s skating again so whatever it was he’s near returning. I’m going to the Devils game on Tuesday praying he’s back for that because somehow Devils games never go well for Buffalo. What else did we learn? Casey Mittelstadt maybe a good top line fill-in for Jack more than Rodrigues. Hmm, we’ll sit on that one. What else… Secondary scoring is still shitty shitty shit. Ah, I hate that actually have something to say about that.

So I’ve read at least three articles, one from WGR and at least one from Die By the Blade that maybe this theoretical trade before the deadline for a second line center or winger who can score isn’t dead-on-arrival strategically. Yes, I am on record as saying I would prefer not to give up one of the first round picks for a guy who might only play second line center until Casey Mittelstadt becomes Casey Mittelstadt. The kicker there and through all these articles on the matter is that Jason Botterill knows he’s not using one of those firsts for anyone who isn’t under team control for 3+ years and young. With each passing loss I feel more and more inclined to hop on the bandwagon cheering for that trade. Honestly I’m beginning to wonder if they don’t make this trade if their playoff chances are Bos-done. This Sabres team has a great first line and fourth line most nights, the middle six not so much. Not every role demands a trade to be filled, there are guys in Rochester who will fill gaps, but we got to be pulling for that trade now. There is no stretch between now and the deadline that looks easy. This time next week the Sabres will be in Western Canada, tell me the Pacific Division leading Flames aren’t licking their lips to cook up bison meat right now.

Yes: like, comment and share this blog, even in the shitty times. That’s what we’re all about here: taking a New Look at the Sabres. I am going to end on a fun note: we’re in the second half of the season now and with that comes “If we met in the Playoffs” for each Eastern Conference team. So this playoff series could actually happen if the Sabres can get there. The Bruins: they’re all bark no bite. Boston is a one line show and although that one line show is currently doing better than Buffalo’s one line show, the Bruins have a penchant for playoff failure. If Sabres meet Bruins in the playoffs, first round or not, they’re putting the B’s aging defense in the retirement home. Brad Marchand and Rasmus Ristolainen would almost certainly throw hands in a playoff series and I for one relish the yet unseen playoffs Jack Eichel destroying playoffs Tuuka Rask. Could you imagine what Captain Jack beating his childhood team in the playoffs would look like? If Jack didn’t spring wings and fly like a Red Bull commercial in this series it would be unbelievable. Sabres in 7! Oh, that felt nice to write. Happy New Year one last time; I hope this year sees fewer of these games and more November-type Sabres games.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Canadians whining about the World Juniors is now one of my favorite January traditions.

[airadam]

Episode 133 : The Struggle Continues

"Why you think Bobby and Huey P were heat holding?"

- Toki Wright

It's been a very up and down month, which I imagine isn't at all a unique experience. This episode reflects some of that, marking the eleventh birthday of the podcast while also recognising the incredible Black Lives Matter street protests that have been taking place over the last few weeks. The selection takes that as the main theme, and I think it's a solid mix that you'll enjoy - and one where almost everyone will learn one new track at least.

By the way, today would be a good day to arrest the murderers who killed Breonna Taylor.

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Cappadonna : Splish Splash

I'd been thinking about doing that little doubles manipulation and scratch on a mixtape for about twenty years - no exaggeration! Cappadonna blew everyone away with his debut on Ghostface's "Winter Warz", and his debut LP "The Pillage" was highly anticipated by Wu fans. I think it's reasonable to say it maybe didn't live up to the outsized expectations, but there were a few standouts and for me, this was one of them. Only a short track, but Tru Master's beat is solid and Cappa knows what to do with it.

Jay Dee : Fuck The Police (Instrumental)

Love this beat, Dilla had these drums banging right through the speakers. This 2001 single-only release is a classic in Dilla's catalogue, written after suffering one of many incidents of police harassment in his hometown of Detroit. It was slated for the long-shelved "The Diary" album, but MCA records didn't want the heat and so it got the release as a 12" on  Up Above Records. A must-have, in my opinion!

N.W.A : Fuck Tha Police

The iconic anthem. This is the track that got a group of young (Eazy-E, at 25, was the oldest) Black men from Compton and Los Angeles onto the radar of the FBI, and into an indelible place in music history. I've only played Ice Cube's verse here, as I wanted to blend into the next cut which carries on in the same sonic vein. I figure every listener already knows this track well, or should be putting "listen to Straight Outta Compton" on their homework lists immediately!

B.Dolan ft. Toki Wright, Jasiri X, and Sage Francis : Film The Police 

I only stumbled upon this one this month, and it's so perfectly fitting that there's no way it was getting left out of the selection. Just because of the length (it's around six minutes long, as is the NWA track before), I omitted Jasiri X's verse, but of course it's on the full version on the "House of Bees, Vol. 2" album. Dolan is an MC out of Rhode Island, while Toki Wright is from Minneapolis - home of the late George Floyd. This is a great re-working of "Fuck The Police" in an era-appropriate way; while almost all of us walk around with pocket video cameras today, the Rodney King tape was notable not for the violence, but the fact it was recorded.

EPMD : Give The People (Remix)

The original version of this track as heard on "Business As Usual" lifts the groove from the O'Jays "Give The People What They Want" heavily, but this version de-emphasises it and piles in enough other samples to give a lawyer a heart attack! I personally prefer this mix, which is a bit less obvious (and harder to find). Lyrically, the track is primarily about the difficulties Hip-Hop had finding acceptance in the era in which it was recorded, but with a sprinkling of the wider politics in there, and the perfect title, I thought it was a good one to go with.

The P Brothers : Across The Planet (Instrumental)

This track turned up for me while undertaking my vinyl digitisation project, and with The P Brothers, the quality is always going to be there. The veteran Nottingham crew are responsible for some of the most uncompromising material ever to emerge from these shores, and this track is no exception. The vocal version on the 12" single features Imam T.H.U.G on the mic, with a heavy Cappo track on the flip. The Akala sample I laid over the top came from his brilliant two-part IG Live session which you can find here and here.

Above The Law : Freedom Of Speech

The 1990 "Livin' Like Hustlers" LP is arguably one of the greatest "gangsta" albums of the era, and some of that was because they comfortably covered different topics and sounds without it ever sounding forced. Uptempo here - by modern standards - Cold 187um and KMG (RIP) ride a classic Myra Barnes sample (it's out there, I'm not snitching) and talk about the atmosphere of censorship that was around Hip-Hop, as well as the role of parents. Definitely check the album if you don't already know it.

Saigon : Shok TV

Dug this DJ Shok-produced cut out from its place on "The Best of Saigon, Pt. 2" to take a position in this month's selection, "Hill Street Blues" sample and all! Saigon has always had a social/political streak in his content, coming from a very street perspective, which I think comes across in this very short track. A 2003 recording, this preceded his long-awaited debut LP by eight years - when you listen to both, you can hear how he refined his style without drastically changing it.

Apple Juice Kid : Protest

A fitting pick from an album about a very different revolution, in Egypt in 2011 - seems an age ago already. The "Beats of a Revolution" album is still available on Bandcamp, and as a free download you really can't go wrong.

Anderson .Paak : Lockdown

Big new single that captures so much of what's been going on this year. The Black Lives Matter protests and the violent reply of the state would have been incredibly significant on their own, but at the same time as the coronavirus pandemic...your grandchildren will be asking you about what it was like to survive these times. This timely track is one where it's worth seeing the video as well.

Mobb Deep : U.S.A. (Aiight Then)

It's been three years since Prodigy passed so I totally wanted to drop one of his records here - my first thought was "Real Power Is People", but in the end this quasi-unity track from "Murda Muzik" was a better sonic fit. It's actually got a little bit of a club feel to it without pandering, and was definitely a welcome inclusion on the LP. This was also a single release with "Spread Love" on the flip, which is pretty much the other end of the goodwill spectrum, don't be fooled by the title...

Sampa The Great : Final Form

"The Return" is a wicked album with an array of styles, but this was the first track many would have heard - Sampa stamping her authority on a beat based around the same break as Ghostface's "Be Easy". Silentjay is on production, taking that sample as a base but building out from there, and Sampa gets very busy with it.

X-Vandals : A Poem For Black Boys

I happened across the "The War of Art" album when I got it from one of the crew in Spanish Harlem at a Tools of War park jam a good few years back! It's taken me a while to find just the right spot for one of their tracks, but this is perfect. The production is courtesy of Johnny "Juice" Rosado (who did scratches for Public Enemy for many years), and the bulk of the vocal is a sample he laid in - the voice and words of the poet Nikki Giovanni, with a dark and sardonic poem of resistance.

Ta'Raach : Yeah! (Instrumental)

It's been a long, long time since I played the vocal version on the show, so I think it's fair enough to drop Ta'Raach's ill instrumental here! If you see a copy of the 12", definitely pick it up.

Public Enemy : State Of The Union (STFU)

Unless I'm very much mistaken, this new single is the first beat DJ Premier has ever done for Public Enemy - two iconic forces combining at last! It should be obvious for anyone who knows about PE at all that conscious and rebel music has been their lane from the very start, and so this is very much in keeping with their long and storied history. Chuck D may be very much an elder statesman but that voice and that message are as raw as ever! You don't need to go to the usual download sites to get this one - go straight to the Public Enemy website for the real.

Waajeed ft. Tiombe Lockhart : The Overtaking

Detroit comes to the selection a second time (after Ta'Raach) with the ominous opening track from the excellent "The War LP". It grinds along with almost a slow dark metal vibe, and Tiombe Lockhart creeps in and out as the voice of the people.

DJ Vadim ft. Phi-Life Cypher : Ghetto Rebels

I had completely forgotten about this one, and I don't know how, because this is killer. The basslines (there are several, at different points) will have your system under pressure, then Phi-Life just drown you in a lyrical tidal wave. It's unusual to hear Hip-Hop coming from a Rasta perspective, but you can definitely hear it in their words. DJ Vadim's "U.S.S.R. The Art of Listening" features some very serious production, and is available used for a very reasonable price either as a download or on the used market on CD.

Gang Starr : Riot Akt

Tucked away on the back half of "The Ownerz", the last Gang Starr LP to be released during Guru's lifetime, we find this dose of reality. Guru's message of focusing on the real threats and drawing together to protect the community may have been written in 2003, but is 100% on the nose right now. Everything down to the militarised police, tear gas, and corruption are the things that have been the case for years, but in the last few months we've seen them in HD and on social media.

Enes Suleman : Lo Quiero Todo (Instrumental)

From the instrumental version of the "StreetSoul", the Spanish producer out of France comes with a banging beat - check the original LP release to hear it with the featured MC Drako on the track.

The Impressions : We're A Winner

An uplifting, motivational song to close the month, and one which was an anthem of the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s. This pre-dates tracks like James Brown's "Say It Loud", and was a trailblazer in being as straightforward a statement of Black pride and the righteousness of the struggle as it is. Curtis Mayfield, the frontman of The Impressions, wrote this track after the concept came to him in a dream. When it came time to record, the group  brought a live audience into the studio to give it extra flavour - I think you'll agree, it really adds something. This was a big single that was also the title track to the first of two 1968 albums by The Impressions, and deserves to be heard in full here.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!