#not in my 13 years on this website have i ever been a poster | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vtmb2s · 4 years ago

Note

Past 1, 3, 6, 8 for Jason my beloved and Present 5-8 for Jenny annnd Future 2, 5, 7 for Helena! 😏

─ JASON

1. Briefly describe the way their parents grew up, and how it affected the way they raised them.

Both his parents were two regular middle class new yorkers, Frank (his dad) grew up in New York's suburbs and had a very conventional upbringing, he was the middle child of three siblings and thus kind of ignored so he usually just minded his own business... that very much carried over into adulthood, he was very reclusive and didn't really bother spending much time with his family -_-

Jason's mom, Gina, was a 2nd generation italian-american who grew up in a huge family with a billion siblings and cousins who are all very different from her husband. She liked it in the beginning but she became more and more unhappy and kind of underwhelmed. She really projected all her dreams of ever becoming someone on her kids that failed with her because she was stuck in a boring marriage with the most unambitious and boring man ever 😑

3. Describe their family. Who raised them, and who had the most impact on them? Did they have any siblings? Who were they closest to? What were the family dynamics like?

This ties in with the previous question but Frank was a bit of a loser, not particularly attractive and more timid & shy.. he was a very unambitious guy who worked a boring office job all his life without any intention of climbing the ladder. He really spent most of his time off work with his boring little loser hobbies :/

Gina was a much more spirited and lively person than her husband, Jason takes a lot more after her than his dad. She wasn't a great mother by all means due to the fact that she was unhappy in her marriage and with her life and kind of took that out on her kids, in a way where she placed certain expectations on them which Jason never really met. They weren't particularly close due to Jason's more.. rebellious nature he had as a kid, which in turn made him cause more trouble because that was the only way his parents gave him any attention at all :/ He also has an older brother, Richard, who their mother very obviously favored. Frank didn't really give a fuck about either of his sons -_-

He had a very close relationship with his mother's family though, particularly with one of her brothers. Carlo (said uncle) was a lot like him and never had any kids on his own so he became somewhat of a father figure to Jason :-)

6. Did the location they grew up in affect them significantly? Do they still go there?

He grew up in some little house in New York's suburb, not the prettiest house there because they didn't make enough for one of the nicer looking ones. He's not that fond of the boring suburbs (even in Boston), he spent more time in the city with his relatives and preferred that over his actual home. Other than that it didn't affect him much 🤷‍♀️

8. What was their childhood/teenage bedroom like?

A small little room with an ugly sports wallpaper that his parents never bothered to replace as he got older. It always looked a little messy and had a few mismatching mid-century decorations and furniture in there. As he grew older he started to cover the walls with random posters he had, to hide the ugly baseball wallpaper.

─ JENNY

5. What kind of people do they usually interact with? Who are their friends, the people they look up to/trust, and who are their “associates”?

She interacts with all sorts of people in New Bordeaux' criminal underworld - if you do anything illegal chances are you'll know Jenny. As for her actual friends, she's friends with the 3 other criminal 20 year olds in town, Danny, Lincoln, Ellis, unfortunately Giorgi (frenemies would be more fitting) and Lena. Her closest and best friends would definitely be Gavin (of @dannyburke fame)and Juliet (of @jennystahl fame) though, they're also pretty much the only ones who would fall into the "people she trusts" category... they're the only ones she'll have long weed induced therapy sessions at 1 am while the monkees are on tv.

6. What is their current relationship with their family?

Complicated... the love is there and all that, it's more of a business relationship though rather than a parent-child thing, especially with her dad. It's nothing that she ever questions (until aforementioned therapy sessions with her friends), she grew up in an environment where affection isn't really something she sees often and almost all her friends have messed up relationships with their parents too so while there is some resentment she never really questions that the way they raised her might not be ideal :c

The relationship with her siblings is complicated as well, especially because they're both a LOT younger than her. She was an only-child until the age of 13 and moved out of her childhood home when they were eight and six years old so there's this weird disconnect but there's a relationship nonetheless, which is weird. Eldest daughter AND only child disease 😓Not to mention that her parents are looking to make her little brother head of the family because he's a boy or whatever.. drama!

7. Do they have a partner? How did they meet, and what’s their relationship like now?

Yes.. she and Ellis met on some random job in the Hollow in 1963 that her dad was taking her along with (he and Sammy did random deals together and were also good friends 😌) and Jenny was like wow how boring. What if I just talk to this this guy's sons instead.... she thought he was some annoying teenage guy and only really talked to him whenever necessary (when her dad's business trips to Sammy's got REALLY boring). She forced herself to hang out with him more after Lincoln went to Vietnam and realized he's not so bad so they became friends :)

In actual game canon nothing really happens because he dies, Jenny just becomes sad that her friends were killed (him, Danny, Sammy and maybe Michael too because of Juliet connection.. she doesn't give a fuck abt Giorgi anymore that little rat can die) and wonders if she liked that goofy little guy with the ugly shirts, but in any case it's too late now.

We're doing au's here though (also this is as of '68) so in the good timeline they get together in 1968.. sort of. It's not a friends with benefits thing, more that sort of relationship that you know will end sooner or later for various reasons, so you're kind of living in the moment and have fun while it lasts. It IS genuine and not just about hooking up from time to time of course, it's just not the kind of thing that was built to last because it's based off of a dumb 20 year olds friendship and one of them (Jenny) doesn't really plan on sticking around in New Bordeaux. But well, who knows what will happen 😏

8. What hobby or pastime of theirs do they consider most important to them and why?

Well, she's big on making music, she plays the guitar and sings (she has a pretty nice voice c: ), she grew up in a pretty fucked up environment so that was her sort of escape in her youth, to be a normal kid who's playing the guitar very very badly. She doesn't play it badly as a 23 year old anymore of course and it's a little thing she shares with her best friends so that means a lot to her 😳

─ HELENA

2. Are they content with their future situation? Is there anything they would change?

Well, she's certainly not happy with the whole vampire situation - her dreams of becoming famous for acting were pretty much ruined, now she's legally dead and nothing more than a photo on true crime blogs and conspiracy theory websites... Famous but for the wrong reasons, in a way she's more bitter about "dying" before she had the chance to become famous than about the whole vampirism thing herself. There would have been something incredibly poetic about a beautiful young actress dying at the height of her career, now she's just some random nobody :/

It could be worse though. She's known among L.A. vampires for her lack of loyalty to any of the factions (despite her working for the Camarilla earlier) and her just helping whoever she feels like which is fine to her, most of them will just leave her alone. In any case, she's not in Los Angeles anymore after the events of Bloodlines!!

5. Did they get married or have a family? Why? If otherwise, why not?

See she would like to get married eventually, making a promise to love someone and be with them for eternity (literally... because... vampires) is incredibly romantic and she would love that (THIS is her wedding... not really because she's not that cringe but also.. yeah), so who knows what might happen.

Family though, no!! Starting one isn't possible, at least not with biological children since she's a vampire. It doesn't bother her that much, she always did envision herself with one child in the future but she's not desperate to be a mother anyway so she doesn't beat herself up about it. She does wonder what it might be like to have children and laments it from time to time (she's a little overdramatic) but overall she doesn't mind that much.

7. Are their friends still a part of their life? Are there people they are no longer in touch with, or newly important people?

Yes, sort of! As I mentioned before she's not in L.A. anymore post-bloodlines and she never had many friends there to begin with so she keeps in touch with the few she has there. She miiight make a few new (or old) connections once shes out of Los Angeles too, who knows!

#THANK U ❤❤❤#three hotties..#i got SO many for Jenny i'm gonna end up having to replay mafia by the time i'm done with this #queennymeria #ask #c: jason #c: jenny #c: helena

5 notes · View notes

tripledistilleds · 3 years ago

Text

Jonathan Braxley, Triple Distilled Club, and other people’s money

Jonathan Braxley AKA Jon Braxley AKA Bradley Jon.

Jon Braxley does not now, nor has he ever, held any directorships or chairman titles in Australia for software based businesses.

A statement from Milk & Honey PR on behalf of their client Jonathan Braxley

Reevera is a dynamic software development company leading the way in user friendly, software and IT for the arbitrage industry.

A statement on the website of Reevera, a software company in Australia of which Jonathan Braxley was director.

I have spent the last six months trying to get Jonathan Braxley to answer a few simple questions – to give me names of some of the companies he set up, to explain what they did, or what happened to them. I have asked for explanations of how he became an expert in such disparate fields as real estate, software sales, and sports arbitrage betting. I have also asked why there are multiple accusations of fraud against him on the internet. For someone who loves to talk, Bradley seems pointedly unwilling to actually tell me anything.

His denial about Reevera is a good example – his business partner in this and other ventures was an old friend of his named Stephen ‘Steo’ Keating, AKA Steifin Ceitinn, currently being prosecuted in Australia for being the ringleader of a gang that scammed millions out of consumers with fraudulent software sales. All Bradley would say about Keating was that he is not currently in business with him.

Jonathan Braxley also told me he has nothing to do with Freedom Investment Club. Here he is representing them at a seminar in San Diego 2015:

YouTube Poster

Here he is on the Freedom Investment Club Vimeo hosting a Freedom Investment Club webinar:

This has been typical of my dealings with Bradley via Milk & Honey PR, who represent his Triple Distilled Club operation and its wholly owned subsidiary The Craft Irish Whiskey Company. He tells me almost nothing, and when I do ask a question, he either ignores it or gives a misleading answer.

So the question is – why? Why the unwillingness to supply basic information to back up his grandiose claims about his business acumen? I have no idea. But I can give you a couple of reasons why you should not invest in Triple Distilled Club.

The Background

Before Triple Distilled Club (W&WC), there were few places where you could buy casks of whiskey in Ireland. The vast majority were cask clubs, where a new distillery generates much-needed revenue by selling casks to fans. The casks are usually priced between the €5k and €9k mark. These are not really investments – it is unlikely that you will make a mint on a €6k cask when you decide to bottle or sell, as the purchase price was high. Cask clubs are more like a distillery fan club.

Enter W&WC, who offered to connect distilleries to cask buyers at prices lower than cask clubs – their first offering was casks from West Cork Distillers. It seemed like a good proposition to all concerned – West Cork Distillers believed that the casks were going to be offered at a reasonable mark-up from their asking price of about a grand a cask. Except W&WC are not offering value, they are offering casks sold in pallets of six for €17k.

West Cork Distillers were also the source for Jonathan Braxley’s Craft Irish Whiskey Company, which also offered casks direct to consumers but more in a cask-club style. Those casks were priced at €7,650, with claims that a distillery was being built. Bradley told one Irish journalist that he has stills on order, but when I asked about this, seeking to know where he was ordering them from, he declined to answer. I also asked where his distillery was being built. Again, silence.

West Cork Distillers are no longer dealing with Bradley, nor are they going to be dealing with him in the future. Despite this, in an interview last July, Bradley insisted he was getting more casks this year from West Cork Distillers. This, West Cork Distillers have emphatically stated, is not the case. In fact, after seeing the prices W&WC were charging for casks, West Cork Distillers launched their cask co-operative where punters could buy casks for reasonable prices. It makes sense – West Cork Distillers have mature whiskey bottled and on supermarket shelves so you can test before you invest. West Cork Distillers have also been in operation for well over a decade, so they have a proven track record in business.

The next cask offering from W&WC was less quantifiable. Boann in Louth only started distilling late last year after long delays. Their current whiskey, The Whistler, is sourced – they don’t make it, they just bottle it. So there is no way of knowing what the quality of their distillery output – ie, the liquid in the casks being bought through W&WC – is going to be like. Despite this Boann have been central to the W&WC operation for some time, with prospective buyers being shown around the distillery, with Jonathan Braxley acting as guide. Bradley is also offering members of the media tours of the distillery.

In what might have come as a surprise to the Cooney family, who own Boann, Bradley recently launched an ambitious bid to take over the distillery and brewery group, saying that the Cooney children ‘did not see themselves as being capable’ of taking the company forward.

It’s worth pointing out that, aside from W&WC, not one of the many, many business entities that I know of which Bradley has been involved in are in existence today. The lifespan for his projects appears to be two years, then it folds, and he moves on.

There are two pieces written about Triple Distilled Club which are worth reading: One is on Bond Review. It eviscerates W&WC; but it also highlights that Jonathan Braxley was named as Bradley Jon on the company documents. When I queried this with W&WC they blamed a company formation firm, and they corrected the error. I also queried why Jonathan Braxley was, at that time, not named or photographed on the W&WC team page. He has since been added.

We review Triple Distilled Club – returns of 10% to 20% per year with "relatively little risk"? #whiskey#unregulatedinvestments #reviews https://t.co/KSCZrf4M5R

— Bond Review (@BondReview) August 13, 2019

Then there is Peter Mulryan’s piece, which asks some serious legal questions about investing in whiskey casks generally, but was written in reaction to W&WC.

For now it would appear the only distillery willing to supply Bradley are Boann. Even Great Northern refuses to deal with them. In fact, when W&WC first appeared they were telling potential customers that they had a contract with Great Northern Distillery for supply. Great Northern contacted W&WC via their solicitor to ensure they stopped using their name.

The Deal

So imagine you bought six casks from W&WC at the start when they were sourcing from West Cork Distillers. You paid around €17k for them. Then consider all the members of the West Cork Distillers Whiskey Co-op who bought 4,000 casks priced between €800 and €1,100 a piece last year, and another 4,000 again this year. That’s 8,000 casks from the same distillery you bought from, all hitting the market around the same time yours will – ie, after three years maturation.

Then consider Great Northern’s link-up with Ally Alpine of Celtic Whiskey Shop, who are selling casks direct to consumers for similar prices to those of West Cork Distillers. So you have thousands upon thousands of casks from proven distilleries which are going to be all over the market for the next decade. But while I can flip my casks for a small profit in three years, you have to sit and wait to make the same profit as you bought at a higher price.

Reading the W&WC brochures, you would never know any of this. In fact, there is a lot wrong with their brochures.

The first iteration of their brochure has a photo stolen from the Irish Whiskey Association Twitter account. Taken at a whiskey tourism launch in Midleton, the photo included IDL archivist Carol Quinn and Minister Andrew Doyle. Neither gave their consent for the image to be used by W&WC. The IWA requested it be removed. After some time, a new W&WC brochure was released, without the stolen photo, but with similar amounts of what one industry accountant described to me as ‘fantasy economics’. Here’s a sample:

The future for the Irish whiskey market looks incredibly optimistic. In May 2019, Redbreast released a limited-edition bottle called the Dream Cask. All 924 bottles had sold out in under 14 minutes at a cost of €340 per bottle. In September 2018, Teeling auctioned its first bottle from its new Dublin distillery. Despite the relatively early maturation age of three years, the bottle sold for £10,000…. All of this attention, coupled with big marketing budgets, bodes very positively for Irish whiskey

No it doesn’t. Dreamcask = very mature single pot still, a commodity only one distillery in Ireland currently has. The Teeling bottle mentioned was auctioned for charity and the rest of them sold for 55 euro. So none of that has any bearing on the value of your theoretical cask of Boann or West Cork whiskey.

Here is another excerpt:

30 years to grow €3,000 to €300,000

There have been recent reports of record prices achieved on rare whiskies. For example, a 12-year-old ex-Bourbon cask with an asking price of €75,000 was sold via Midleton’s cask circle, as well as a 16-year-old cask for €320,000 (400 litres, which is double the size of our casks, so €160,000 by comparison). Another example is a 27-year-old 500-litre Marsala cask which went on sale for a colossal price of €907,000.

And a slightly subdued disclaimer:

While not all 27-year-old casks will achieve this, it’s an important marker for just how much an aged barrel can sell for

No it isn’t. Midleton’s cask circle mostly offered single pot still whiskey. Again, there is no other distillery with stocks of SPS at the age Midleton has. So the value of those SPS casks is not representative of how much you will sell your SPS casks in 20 years time, when the nation will be awash in casks of SPS from West Cork Distillers, GND et al.

You would need to know a little about whiskey to understand this, and this is where Triple Distilled Club thrive – with people who have only seen the headlines about the Irish whiskey boom and know that they want in, without really understanding what they are actually getting themselves into.

The long history of Scotch tells us that whisky is cyclical – there are periods of boom, and then oversupply when distilleries get shuttered. We will most likely be the same. Right now there is a boom, but with distilleries popping up all over the country, in ten years we will be swimming in whiskey – the cask value today is today’s value, not a decade’s time. The graph will not continue to rise as it has.

The ‘Wealth Advisors’

So what happens when a punter expresses an interest in investing with W&WC? I spoke to one person who found out. He works in the emergency services in Dublin, lives in Naas with his wife and kids. He didn’t want to be named. But this is what he told me:

“Last October I was looking to invest some money. An ad for investing in Triple Distilled Clubkept coming up. I don’t claim to know a huge amount about whiskey but I do like the odd dram so I downloaded the information and read it (you need to put in your contact details to download). It seemed too good to be true and although I was interested I decided not to act on it as I didn’t know enough about it.

“A few days later I got a phone call from Sue Kiernan of Whiskey and Wealth, she gave more information and explained that the possible returns were extremely good – up to 55% compound – and asked if I was interested in investing as they were coming to the back end of their third cask release. I said that I would need to check up on a few things before I could commit as it was more than I had planned to invest (this was really to get her off the phone as she was becoming very convincing, she was very knowledgeable and knew her stuff). In the coming days I didn’t really do any background checks and thought that would be the end of it but a few days later Sue phoned me again.

“She said that there was only a few casks left in their 3rd release and if I wanted to hold them I would have to make a small deposit before they were gone. The next release would be in early 2020 at significantly higher prices. Sue explained the cost involved i.e. 17k for a pallet of six Single Malt which could return up to 47k after five years.

“I reluctantly gave her a €300 deposit to hold six casks which I received a receipt for online, Sue said it was fully refundable so that gave me some comfort.

“It was then that I started to check up on whether W&WC was as good as it sounded. On their YouTube video it shows Boann Distillery with W&WC investors who all seemed very happy. So I contacted Boann and spoke to Patrick Cooney. I asked him if W&WC was legit, he was very honest and explained that he had been paid by W&WC and had entered into a deal with them. He also said that the price of a cask is significantly less than the price W&WC were charging me for.

“He wouldn’t say if W&WC claims were correct but if they were he would be keeping all the casks for himself.

“I then received the Offer Documents from W&WC which stated that I had placed an order for 6 Pot Still casks from the 2nd release so I decided to call in unannounced to the W&WC Dublin office which is on Harcourt St. to meet and talk to people face to face, as there was something not right here.

“The door of No. 20 Harcourt St. was locked and W&WC did not show on the list of companies on the door buzzers. I waited outside and after a while someone came out so I ran in. I walked the whole building and asked other staff if they knew where W&WC was in the building, nobody had heard of them. I then rang Sue on her office number she answered and I asked her if I could call in to see her in the office as I was in the area. She said that she was working from home that day but she could meet me somewhere to save me driving all the way from Naas.

“I phoned several other distilleries over the next few days and all of them were quite sceptical about W&WC, most of them were selling casks for more than W&WC but they explained that it was not as an investment but more as a way for some people to feel a part of the whiskey process while giving ownership in a unique way.

“They said that not much money if any would be made by their own cask members, that was not the reason it was intended.

“I arranged to meet Sue in Avoca on the Naas Road later that week. I asked her for more details about where the whiskey is coming from as it’s clearly not from Boann, she said that it comes from many small craft distilleries around the country but that Boann had some problems setting up their distillery which meant they had to go elsewhere for their casks.

“I asked her about the lack of an office and she said that they were in the process of getting it painted and she was working from home in the meantime. I mentioned that the offer was incorrect and I was been given Pot Still which is less expensive than Single Malt which I was told I was ordering. She couldn’t explain why that had happened. The next day I told her that I had decided not to go ahead with investing and could I have the deposit back, she said of course and that it would be done straight away as promised.

“A week later nothing had happened so I phoned her again, no answer so I sent an email politely reminding her to refund the deposit, no response. I continued to leave voice messages and emails over the next few days and eventually while calling from my wife’s phone I got through. Sue explained that she was out of the country for a few days and apologised and that the deposit would be refunded straight away. Another couple of weeks passed and still nothing, again I phoned and emailed with no response.

“On the 9th of December I sent another email saying that if I had not heard back by the close of business, I was going to the papers. Amazingly, I was contacted that evening by the Richmond Office in London with a full refund.”

I asked the PR firm about the Harcourt Street office that does not exist, and they responded: “Triple Distilled Club has offices in both Dublin and London. We have a serviced office which a team of two in Dublin who use it as a satellite office. We anticipate this team will grow by year end to 20 and require a more permanent office. We did the same in Richmond with a small serviced Regus office that housed our first six employees, until such a time as we outgrew it. We now have a two storey 3,500 sq ft permanent office in Richmond with 27 staff. We anticipate this team will grow to 45 by the end of 2020.”

Sue Kiernan is Jonathan Braxley’s sister. She was also director of Nedax Financial Consulting Team Limited, also trading as Gosling Investments, Richard Group, Financial Software Systems, and Managh Systems Inc. There is a discussion about Gosling Investments – which sold sports arbitrage software for 7,500 – on Ask About Money, the Irish consumer website. There is a similar thread on Boards.ie about the same company.

Jon Bradley, another sibling, was also a director of Nedax. He was also director of Share Success Online, also trading as Acorn Wealth Strategies Limited, Market Price Today and Guardian Trades. It sold share trading software. And once again, there is a discussion about the firm(s) on Ask About Money. There is also this from the Irish Independent:

A Birr, Co Offaly, auctioneer was lured into handing over €7,000 to an internet agency which promised quick and easy money simply by following its stock trading tips, a judge heard today.

Barrister James Nerney, counsel for auctioneer Glen Corcoran, told the Circuit Civil Court his client had been promised in a brochure that he would “make money and achieve financial freedom”.

Mr Nerney said Corcoran, of Tumbeagh, Ballinahown, Co Offaly, had been promised a programme of training, education and coaching in profitably dealing on the stock market via its software package.

“The brochure had been followed up with phone calls and emails which had led to his entering into a contract in January last year,” Mr Nerney said.

Corcoran told Judge Jacqueline Linnane that following representations by John Lawlor, a manager with Acorn Wealth Strategies Limited, which trades as Share Success out of a Balbriggan, Co Dublin, industrial unit he “signed up and forwarded €6,990 by electronic transfer” to the company.

He said that in a cold call phone conversation Lawlor asked if he would like to make money and make it quickly with minimal time and effort. The company had promised him “a lucrative money making strategy as quickly as possible.”

He had been assured he would be trained in finding stock trading opportunities and forecasting market trends in a unique package which had turned out to be simply a licence agreement to deal in “contract for difference” opportunities and not hard physical share dealing.

“I wanted to make money and had been attracted to the original offer, Mr Corcoran said. “When I raised the matter of CFD’s with Mr Lawlor he said I could make money with them whether the economy was in boom or recession,” Mr Corcoran said.

He said the training he had been promised turned out to be two or three 10-minute on-line sessions a week with a Zac Harris.

Mr Corcoran said he had “fared fairly poorly” with his attempts to signalling financial movements in the market but had not reached the stage of investing further monies before contact and correspondence with Share Success had dried up.

He had later told Harris and Lawlor of his disappointment and lack of progress and had sought reimbursement of his money before going to James Lucey, his solicitor, who issued proceedings in November last.

Judge Linnane granted Mr Corcoran judgment for €6,990 against Acorn Wealth Strategies Limited, trading as Share Success, Unit 12, Balbriggan Enterprise and Training Centre, Stephenstown Industrial Park, Balbriggan, Co Dublin.

The defendant did not appear in court and a legal firm which had been representing the company was allowed to come off record for them.

After the case Mr Corcoran said he hoped his case would highlight “this poor business practice” to anyone else who may have dealings with the defendant.

Andrea Bradley, the fourth sibling, was also involved in a number of businesses with James and their father Shamus, as well as Steo Keating’s D11 Enterprises.

Shamus passed away late last year, and a video of his funeral – in which a recording of him asking to be let out of the coffin was played – went viral around the world. In the media coverage of the man and his life which followed, there was no mention of his work in software sales.

A furniture upholsterer by trade, Shamus Bradley was a cook in the army for a few years, and worked as a debt collector, where he earned himself a conviction for a brutal, prolonged assault on noted equestrian Ken Bryan, then a draper in Portarlington. Ironically, some years later Bradley was taken to court himself over unpaid debts to a furniture company.

Shamus Bradley emigrated to Florida in 1990 where he ran a pub; he then worked in sales for two years selling frozen meat; before moving to Australia and moving into software sales. He joined a small software firm, taking a share of the company in return for running the sales division.

The software package he sold was called Global Trader, and there is a lengthy thread here dedicated to it. It also gets mentioned in a thread about World Trading College, which Shamus Bradley and a taxi driver named Ray Dalglish ran. The duo also ran Principal Investments, which also operated as Trading Like A Bank and which boasts this absolutely bonkers promo from former Aussie Rules star Warwick Capper.

While Jonathan Braxley claims he had nothing to do with any software firms in Australia, he was listed as chairman of Global Trader on their website in August 2006, with Steo Keating listed as secretary.

I spoke to one of the software developers behind Global Trader under condition of anonymity. He worked on software projects with the Australian military before moving into international banking. After returning to Australia, he helped create Global Trader. He told me about his experience with both Bradleys and Keating. His name has been tarnished ever since – he is lambasted in posts about Global Trader, as he was pushed out as the public face of it.

He was also the creator of a sports arbitrage package which he was commissioned to build for Jonathan Braxley and Steo Keating’s AusSoft entity. The product was called ArbATrader, and complaints about it are easy to find – you can read them here, here, here and here. Many of Bradley’s firms are interlinked or interchangeable – the AusSoft website had a number of celebrity endorsements. The exact same celebrity endorsements were also used on the website of Bradley’s Globalsoft entity.

Jonathan Braxley does admit that he hired the developer to create the first generation of his sport arbitrage software, but claims he commissioned a ‘more robust’ version which he then released via an Irish-registered software firm named Baranstone, of which he was director. He does not mention the name of the firm under which he released the first package. He did not address the other accusations which the developer made and which I put to him.

On the Wayback Machine you can still see many of the websites of Jonathan Braxley’s business entities – Baranstone, Globalsoft, AusSoft, and the aforementioned Reevera, the Australian-registered software business of which Jonathan Braxley was director, while Steo Keating was secretary.

Reevera offered software that it described as the amazing amalgamation of technology and pure genius called Syntrade. Through this exciting new software, a small but fast growing group of professional sports arbitrageurs have arisen. These are the people who are continually finding the risk free, tax free, (depending on where you live) profitable sports arbitrage trades. These are the people setting new standards in arbitrage and they are becoming known within the industry as Syntrageurs.

Sports arbitrage blogger Shane Greenup was less enthused, denouncing Reevera’s Syntrade software package as a rehash of AusSoft’s ArbATrader. Greenup was also highly critical of Baranstone and its SORT system.

Greenup told me via email that sports arbitrage was the bitcoin of its day as it was new, complex and lay people did not understand it.

“It was an easy thing to scam people with because technically it does work. You can make money doing it, and you can make 1%, 2%, 3% trades – and you can show people the odds that create these trades. You can show them past bets which you actually made which returned these kinds of returns…. and then you can just imply that you can do that every few hours with all of their money and they will be making 100s of percent returns per annum! (which is the lie, because you can’t do it with all of the money, and you can’t do it that often, and it takes a lot of work, and there is a limit to how much money you can move through the system).

“But all of the details are based in fact, and it is easy to omit the difficult bits and create a compelling narrative which looks legitimate. And yeah, I think it was a fad from back when arbitrage trading was new, and the profit was there to be made. These days the scams have moved on to Cryptocurrencies for the same reasons.

“Technically, there is money there to be made. But no, anyone selling you a scheme which guarantees to make that money for you is a liar.”

One of the most detailed complaints about Bradley’s companies is this one about Baranstone/Tradesmart. It is worth reading all the way to the end, and the comments beneath.

I did manage to find one person on LinkedIn who had Baranstone listed as a former place of employment. When I contacted him he declined to comment and immediately removed any mention of Baranstone from his profile.

I asked Jonathan Braxley about Baranstone, and this was the response: “Baranstone ran for one year in Ireland from May 2007. It was a software company enabling sports betting. When bookmaker rules changed in summer 2008, it was closed. Closing this business 11 years ago was his final involvement in this industry.”

In fact, in documents submitted to the Companies Registration Office in Dublin in late 2010, Mr Bradley changed secretary for the firm, so it was still in some level of operation three years after it was created. This was the last document filed by Mr Bradley with the CRO in relation to Baranstone.

Dublin native Steo Keating, named as the ringleader of the Irish Boys software scam gang, was prosecuted as Stiofan Ceitinn, the Irish version of his name. Among the many, many companies he ran was an entity called D11 Enterprises. Another Irish national, John Daly, was director of LTC Services, one of the firms specifically targeted by the Australian police unit which brought down the Irish Boys gang.

Globalsoft Technologies Ltd, the Irish-registered firm of which Jonathan Braxley was a director, and which also traded as Tradesmart Technologies, was described on its Australian-based website as ‘the latest expansion of the Australian-based LTC and D11 Group’.

Jonathan Braxley AKA Jon Braxley AKA Bradley Jon; with Stephen ‘Steo’ Keating AKA Steifan Ceitinn, and John Daly AKA Sean O’Dalaigh on a night out in 2009.

The Bradleys left Australia for the US around 2011. Shamus Bradley, his business partner Ray Dalglish and Jonathan Braxley then set up The American College Of Wealth, which also listed the matriarch of the family and younger daughter Andrea on their staff page. Shamus’s bio makes no mention of his time in Australia, while James’s is as follows:

Like his father, Jon Braxley has been driven from a young age to achieve greatness. Finishing school early to work in his father’s furniture factory in Ireland, he learned a valuable trade in furniture-making but couldn’t ignore an innate desire to learn about building wealth and managing money. Jon moved away from his family to settle, marry, and have children in Australia. Following in his father’s footsteps, Jon created his own business, a financial advisement corporation specializing in stock market investment and trade. As friends and family learned of his trading skills, he held informal classes in his living room and developed a love for teaching the skills he had learned and developed himself. Inspired by the banking industry, Jon founded a company that created software used by banks to execute currency trades. Partnered with a former Goldman Sachs algorithmic programmer, Jon’s company grew into a boutique private hedge fund with over 1,000 members and millions under management. At 30 years of age, Jon sold the company and retired, but remains on the board as the Chief Strategy Officer. In 2008, Jon was one of four founders creating a company selling distressed US property investments to international buyers. The organization became an incredible success, opening offices in Princeton, Atlanta, Dallas, Memphis, and Florida with global offices in Singapore, the UK, and Australia. Jon is presently the largest shareholder and sits on the board of directors. After traveling the world with his wife and three children, Jon settled into his role with his father’s previously founded financial empowerment college, ACW. He serves as CEO, bringing a wealth of experience, knowledge, and passion to the institution. ‘

No names of any of the companies where he made his millions. How odd.

The property firm mentioned is US Invest Global, a company he set up with Ryan McFarland.

I asked Mr Bradley, via the PR firm, to explain US Invest Global: “US Invest was set up 2010, a successful business with over 2,500 satisfied clients. It operated by giving international investors the opportunity to invest in the US property market. At the time, the US dollar was weak against most stable currencies. However, as the US economy recovered and its currency strengthened, the investment value was reduced. The model no longer made sense and so the business was voluntarily closed in July 2015.”

This is in contrast to this post. Someone purporting to be Ryan McFarland, his former business partner in US Invest Global, posted this in reply, explaining what happened and distancing himself from Jonathan Braxley. McFarland even went to the trouble of threatening legal action over a post linking him to Jonathan Braxley.

After US Invest Global folded, Bradley set up RAW Business Growth, which he operated from Waiheke Island in New Zealand, where he ran a pub named Smugglers Smokehouse. In my first, more genial email from him, Mr Bradley told me that he was forced to sell the pub and that he lost all his money doing so, but there was no further explanation of what appears to be a somewhat paradoxical statement.

As for RAW Business Growth, it centred around a series of YouTube videos in which Mr Bradley gave the public a chance to ring him on a premium phone line to find out how to be successful like him. RAW has been folded, and the videos deleted. The official line from the PR firm is that Mr Bradley closed RAW when he was headhunted by a client – they didn’t elaborate to explain by who and for what he was headhunted. After RAW came Triple Distilled Club and the Craft Irish Whiskey Company, and James segued from being an expert in real estate, sports arbitrage, business growth and software sales to suddenly being a whiskey expert.

When I first contacted James, before the PR firm took over the communications between us, he told me he was a fan of my work, and said it hurt to see me ridicule his Craft Irish Whiskey Company videos on Twitter, writing: “After the comments against my whiskey brand, before we even had a chance to get going, I’m obviously a tad concerned as to the motives of this piece. I’m all about positivity for Irish Whiskey. As it’s hard enough for the Irish to get back on the world map and claim our place as the originators and the best, without the internal negative press.

“I’m happy to chat with you, be open and honest with you, but only if its (sic) a genuine article and its (sic) reciprocated and not some hit piece.”

Here are some things I can say with certainty – that there are multiple accusations of fraud against Jonathan Braxley which he is pointedly unwilling to address; that not one business enterprise he founded – aside from W&WC – is still in operation today; and that for someone who talks about how successful he is he is unwilling to give a single, concrete example. I can also say that there are also accusations of fraud against other members of his family or against firms run by his father, brother and sisters.

I can tell you that Jonathan Braxley’s close friend and former business partner Steo Keating is being prosecuted for running a massive boiler room scam which defrauded millions through share trading and sports arbitrage software. I can also tell you that Irish Boys member, Neil McKenny, from Ardee in Louth, was jailed last year for his part in the scams. Three other Irish Boys gang members arrested as part of Operation Unwind received suspended sentences.

I can tell you that in their brochure, Triple Distilled Club’s other director, Sam Scrobberand, proudly states that he worked with Jonathan Braxley for almost two decades; that Scrobberand, via the PR firm, is also unwilling to tell me the name of a single firm he was involved in. I can also tell you that he is named in the comments section of this post.

But above all, I can tell you this – Triple Distilled Club is a terrible investment; terrible for consumers, terrible for distilleries, and terrible for the Irish whiskey category as a whole. They claimed they brought in four million in revenue in their first year, and ten million last year, and at the start of this month, they finally released some accounts. I asked some accountants to look over the documents, which can be downloaded here. One said this:

“Mismatch in trade creditors and debtors – a lot of sales to debtors are still o/s… add to that a large value of creditors coming up for payment on a year – cash conversion cycle is out of whack- also £188k to ‘group undertakings’? Wtf? Who what where? You need to see a cash flow to get a better picture – id stay away from it for now – imperfect info and all that … and all of this with 4 employees only .. nice bunce if you can get it …”

Another said this:

“What strikes me is that it isn’t an investment company which would be a more legitimate route for investment (I.e. the company holds a portfolio of casks and you own shares in the holding company) rather it seems to just be a retailer/wholesaler in effect with someone telling the buyer that what they sell is a great investment. You aren’t buying shares or anything regulated just booze in bigger containers. How is the model any different than an off licence selling “rare” whisky? In fact you would probably get a safer return from buying a Macallan from Master Of Malt.”

The best case scenario here is that this is simply a lousy investment, especially in relation to the potential returns being promised by Triple Distilled Club’s ‘wealth advisors’. The worst case scenario is that this is an Irish Nant. Jonathan Braxley’s unwillingness to answer all the simple questions I asked him does not reassure me. Likewise, Boann have ignored my emails and warnings.

What are the repercussions for the wider industry if this all falls apart? What if, as Bond Review asked, W&WC are unable to fulfil their contract to supply the whiskey – which not a criticism of W&WC, but an inherent risk when dealing with any small company. In this case investors would be looking at up to 100% loss.

What then?

Comments are closed. Email [email protected].

Author: Bill Linnane

Bylines in the Irish Independent, Irish Examiner, Irish Tatler Man, Evening Echo, and Distilled. Proud owner of the award-defying TripleDistilled.Blog, Ireland's Least Successful Blog™. View all posts by Bill Linnane

AuthorBill Linnane

Posted onJune 6, 2020

CategoriesWhiskey

Post navigation

Previous post:No smoke without ire

Next post:All that glitters

EMBARRASSING EARLY WORKS

Embarrassing Early Works

Select Month

Triple Distilled Communications

%%footer%%

1 note · View note

purplesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

1074

survey by voicedance16

answer these questions using the first letter of your name!

Ok, to start off with, what's your name? Robyn. Hmm I don’t tend to see R much when it comes to being the first letter of different things, so it’ll be fun to see where this goes.

Now, name something for each question starting with that letter.

A girl's name: Rhiannon. I first encountered this name reading Everyday by David Levithan and I’ll always remember how well-written the character was. The name sounded a little too foreign to me at first, but I ended up loving it.

A boy's name: Rocky, because I have an uncle with that nickname. His first name also starts with an R - Robert, if I remember correctly.

A fruit: Rambutan. Such a strange-looking fruit too.

A vegetable: Radish.

A country: Romania.

A city: Reykjavik in Iceland. Also a place I would love to visit.

An animal: Raccoon.

Something people do outside: Ride public transport. You’re inside modes of transport when doing so, but still.

An actor/actress: Rooney Mara. Sigh, reminds me of the film Carol and all the memories associated with it. Now that I think about it, I should give that a watch again for a more refreshed take on it.

Something you keep in the kitchen: The refrigerator, obviously.

Something you keep in the bathroom: Razor.

Something you'd bring on a trip: Also a razor. But erm, my mom likes bringing reusable bags on our longer trips so that we have somewhere to put our dirty clothes in for the next few days.

Something people do in the summer: Ride amusement/theme park attractions. Can’t relate though, as I hate theme park rides and I’m usually only the guardian of my friends’ stuff as they tick off all the rides hahaha.

A song title: Renegade, by Paramore.

A book title: Revolutionary Road, though I’m only aware of it because I’ve seen the movie based on that exact book. I saw a copy of it - with the film poster as the main cover - in a used book store around a year ago, but I was saving at the time so I couldn’t buy it. I wish I did, because that will probably be the only time I would have ever seen the book.

A movie title: Room, which was also based on the Emma Donoghue book. It’s one of my favorite films too, along with Requiem for a Dream and Revolutionary Road.

A Broadway musical title: Rent. I had to watch the movie adaptation for a film class. It absolutely sucked.

A clothing or shoe brand: Roberto Cavalli.

A reason for being late: Rode the wrong train/bus.

A band/music group/artist: Let’s go with Rhye. Reminds me of happier and simpler times.

A musical instrument: Recorder.

Something that's hot: Ramen broth that’s freshly made.

A type of bird: Robin! :)

A pizza topping: Ricotta? I’m just guessing though. I’ve never tried putting it on my pizza.

A fictional character: Rachel Green from Friends or Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead.

A breakfast food: I’m completely out on this one.

A school subject: Religion - I went to Catholic school so we definitely devoted 45 minutes of each day to learning more about Christianity.

A holiday: Rizal Day.

A relative: My uncle Rocky, who I mentioned at the beginning of this survey.

An article of clothing: Romper.

A school supply: Ruler. I never owned one of them for long, and whenever I did buy one if I needed it for class, I’d lose it within a day or two lol.

A color: Red.

A state: I’m guessing in the US? Rhode Island.

An ice cream flavor: Rocky Road.

Something found in the ocean: I dunno...rust from old shipwrecks? Haha I don’t really go snorkeling a lot.

A drink: Red wine.

A part of the body: Ribs.

A stone/gem: Ruby.

Something found in a park: Rocks. Can’t say I know a lot about parks though, given we don’t have any public spaces in this country other than malls.

A college/university: Rutgers. I specifically remember that school because they made the news at one point for having a course on Beyoncé, lmao.

A type of fish: Rays.

A historical figure: Rosa Parks.

Something in the room you're in: We have a rug here in the living room.

Something you save up to buy: Rings, especially if it’s an engagement or wedding ring.

A kind of candy: Razzles. The Razzles scene from 13 Going on 30 always makes me feel giddy.

A reptile/amphibian: I got nothing. Reptile? HAHAHA

A spice/herb: Rosemary.

A type of car: Racecar, if it counts. I don’t exactly know car terminology.

A hobby/leisure activity: Rock climbing, which I reeeeeally would like to try out soon.

A restaurant: Ramen Nagi, my second favorite ramen spot after Mendokoro Ramenba. There’s also Racks, though I’ve never tried eating there before.

A household chore: Is raking a chore in other countries? We don’t really do that here but maybe people do in other places?

A body of water: River.

A weapon: Rocket launcher.

An ethnic food: Rellenong bangus, which is stuffed milkfish.

A mode of transportation: A rickshaw, though in the Philippines we call them tricycles.

A type of flower: Rose.

Something found on/in a desk: Reminders? Hahaha if it counts. I put reminders written on sticky notes on my desk.

A word associated with money: Revenue.

An item you'd buy from a vending machine: A pack of Reese’s.

A game (any type): Ridge Racer, which was a PSP game I loved playing as a kid. There was also Rock Band, which was a game I had on the PSP as well.

Something at a circus: Ring toss games/stalls.

Something you throw away: Results of an exam or a particular application that I failed. Like you know how schools will sometimes send you a physical letter just to say you didn’t make the cut? I’d rather not own those for longer than 10 minutes, and to crumple them up and throw them out immediately instead.

A store name: Rustan’s. It’s a whole-ass department store chain, but whatever.

A type of tree: I’m not familiar with a lot of trees, so I’m unable to think of any.

Something that uses a remote: Racecar toys.

A website: Reddit.

Something in a grocery store: Red onions.

A tourist attraction: I can’t think of any particular tourist spots, but Rio de Janeiro is somewhere I’d love to be able to travel to.

A weekend activity: Resting, heh.

A Christmas/holiday song: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

A type of seafood: OMG my specialty. I can only think of roe and rellenong bangus for R, though.

An acronym: RT, which just means retweet on Twitter.

Something you'd see at the zoo: Rabbits, maybe? I’ve never been to a zoo.

A kind of soup: I’m not sure I know of any; I’m not a big soup person.

Something you'd find in NYC: Erm, restaurants? Hahahaha. And lots of them.

Something you'd get tickets for: I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been handed one before.

An animal noise: Ruff, for dogs.

A word associated with winter: I have no clue. We don’t even have winter here, so I wouldn’t know the things people prepare for it.

A historic event: The Rape of Nanjing.

Something you get in the mail: Nothing’s coming to mind.

Something you sit on: A rocking chair.

A reason to make a phone call: Resolving a fight? Idk.

A type of weather: Rainy.

Something that has buttons: Rompers, at least some kinds.

Something that makes you smile: Reminiscing.

#survey #surveys

3 notes · View notes

mirkwoodshewolf · 5 years ago

Text

Give love one more chance; Gwilym Lee x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello everyone well I have yet another request that came from my wattpad account and this time the request is all about our lovely mini-Bri Gwilym Lee. Now as a warning THERE IS HEAVY MENTIONS OF CHEATING (not on Gwil’s part but it’s for the back story) and due to that there is angst but I PROMISE FLUFF IS THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS STORY esp. once the ending comes around. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update my darlings :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@psychosupernatural

@waddles03

@ixchel-9275

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar

@queendeakyy

@geek-and-proud

@simonedk

@kairosfreddie

__________________________________________________________

I was walking around the main stage set where they would be filming the most iconic scene ever, the Live Aid sequence. I was just in awe at how the stage designers were following everything by the book, from the brick wall patterns, to the posters that hung on them at the time, even some of the paint chipping away.

For those that are curious, the name’s (y/n) (l/n). I’ve been on the road with Queen ever since they started working alongside my best friend, Adam Lambert. Yep, Adam and I go way back since middle school as a matter of fact. We were both the awkward kids who no one really paid attention too and loved classic rock, esp. Queen. When Adam told me he was planning to audition for American Idol, I just couldn’t let him go on alone.

I was his big supporter and went to every live performance cheering him from the sidelines, even helping his team organize and making sure he had everything he needed to his performances. And even though he was a runner up, he was still a winner in my book. Then when he came out to me as well as the world about his sexuality, that didn’t change my perspective of him. I stuck by him because we were the Odd-kids through thick and thin.

Then by 2014 he met up once again with Queen a few years after performing with them back during his season of American Idol and that’s when they offered Adam to be the new leading man for their concerts and thus Queen+Adam Lambert was born.

And then just two years later, Queen officially began to project that was the film ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Adam had invited me along since he had a small little cameo to play and he said that I could potentially have a small role in the film too, but I turned to role down. I just—never really fit well with a camera’s attention on me.

But here I am as support for Adam as well as Brian and Roger. Those two men have really become role models and sorta like second dad’s to me in a way. When life got to stressful on the road; Brian always took me aside and the two of us would look at the SaveMe animal videos he had on his website, while Roger was the one with the good therapeutic music to listen to, he even got me into some bands that I never really had the chance to listen too. Even his former solo band’s ‘The Cross’ music.

“Oh my god. This is beautiful.” It was then I bumped into someone’s back.

“Oh sorry my fault.” We both said at the same time but when I looked up to see just who it was that I had bumped into, I felt like I needed to do a double take because I swear to god I thought I was looking at Brian May at the time of Live Aid.

“Wow you’re gorgeous.” I thought I had said in my head but apparently my lips just had to voice it out loud to him. Embarrassingly I hid my face but I heard the Brian look-alike softly chuckle and he said.

“It’s fine love, I’m flattered, really. Guess I really look the part don’t I?”

“Yeah.” I nervously giggled.

“I’m Gwilym. And as you can probably tell by the wig, I’m playing Brian May in the film.”

“(Y/n). I’m uhh—Adam’s best friend.” God could this be any more humiliating.

“Oh so you’re the one Brian and Roger told us about. The clever roadie.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself clever. They just flatter me because I work for them.”

“No, no, no. Brian especially talks about how you’ve been able to work on fixing all the AMPS that break down during rehearsal, or knowing when exactly his red special needs a tuning or new string set.” I blushed and that’s when he said, “Oh I’ve gone and rambled making you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry (y/n).”

“It’s fine Gwilym. So is this your first acting gig? Or have you been doing this for a while?”

“I guess you could call me a child actor. My first gig was in a show called Animal Ark, I think I was 13 years old when I auditioned for it. Then after getting my education I dived fully into the acting industry with a few television shows and a few movies. My recent big project was when I was in Midsomer murders, have you heard that show?”

“I think so. My dad was always into British tv more than American tv. Even though he was born in Minnesota.”

“I was only on for only 3 series before I went into some other projects.”

“Well I’d love to see the show sometime. And you said it was called midtown murders?”

“Midsomer, actually.”

“Oh right sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And that’s kinda what we ended up doing. We just sat there and talked right up until it was time to start filming. I wished him good luck and as the actors got into place, I stood beside Roger, Brian’s daughter Emily and Peter “Phoebe” Freestone. Shortly after the boys entered the stage much like Queen did 31 years Brian came up and sat down beside me and that’s when Rami, who was playing Freddie, set down at the piano and the guys all began to play the full Live Aid set.

As I looked at each of them I knew each of these guys had done their homework. And seeing them in full costume and shtick, it was like I was actually there at the concert seeing them. Of course my eyes were especially focused on Gwil who played Brian’s red special with such ease and finesse, it was like I was really watching Brian during the time of Live Aid.

Of course being a Queen fan, I couldn’t help but interact with each song they did, the double handclap for Radio Gaga and We will rock you, following along to the Aye-oh’s, headbanging to Hammer to fall, dancing to Crazy little thing called love, and swaying to We are the champions.

After doing several rehearsals, Dexter finally decided to film the guys for real this time. And even though it was cold and the guys were probably exhausted, they still managed to perform the whole show once more with even more energy and enthusiasm when the cameras were really recording. By the end of it all, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

When I finally came backstage after the guys and some of the crew congratulated them on a job well done, I don’t know why it happened but I couldn’t help but fling myself towards Gwilym and embrace him.

“Seems our Brian look-alike has found his little groupie.” Teased Rami using his Freddie voice. At that point I backed away and released him.

“Sorry. I just��got a little excited. Seeing you four up there it was like—finally seeing all four members of Queen back together for the first time in a long time.”

“We’re glad you loved it (y/n).” Gwilym said with a soft smile that made butterflies tickle my stomach.

“So you said you love Queen? What’s your favorite song of theirs?” asked the John Deacon look alike, damn much like Gwil, he definitely looked like Deacy, I can see why the casting directors chose him, it was like he was his son or something.

“Oh god well don’t tell them this but it’s definitely Somebody to love.”

“I like her already. We match!” he raised his hand up for a high five which I complied to give him as he introduced himself as Joe Mazzello.

Pretty soon I knew the other two actor’s names, Ben Hardy who was playing Roger, and Rami Malek who was playing the legend himself Freddie Mercury.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched our genius little roadie chat up with the actors playing us, my mind kept going back to that hug she gave my look-alike.

“I know you saw that right, I mean I maybe blind as a fucking bat but I know my eyes didn’t deceive me on what I just saw.” Roger said as he came up to me.

“Your eyes do not lie Rog. I saw what you saw.”

“You know our girl doesn’t just hug any random guy.”

“Yep. And that shy little gleam in her eyes, dare I say I think our mini-Deacy is in love with my look alike.”

“Not to say I’m happy for her, but I feel like she could’ve chose better.” Roger teased.

“Oh shut it you old tart, you’re just jealous she didn’t pick your actor.”

“Nothing against yours, cause bloody hell it’s like I’m looking at you 30 years ago over there.” I softly chuckle. Yeah they definitely casted the perfect actor to play me, and seeing Gwilym with the wig on its…..mind boggling (although I had to slightly adjust the wig a bit) but other than that he was perfect. “So, shall we go and confront her about it?”

“Now hold on Rog, you know how she gets when she’s being fully confronted. She’ll completely shut down. Let’s—wait it out. See what happens, and then we’ll see if this is something to discuss with her. But it’ll be on my terms.”

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.” I shook my head at Roger’s statement before turning back towards (y/n) and Gwilym. Seeing the two of them talking and laughing with each other warmed my heart. Because ever since we’ve met her, (y/n) has been the best roadie we’ve ever had. She’s always on top of every sound and light equipment we’ve got, she knows how Adam likes his speakers to sound and she’s even clever enough to see when I need a new string set on my guitars or when Roger’s kit needs a tuning because of a loose screw that might’ve happened while unloading.

But for whatever reason she sometimes puts herself down, claiming that she’s not all what we’ve both told her she is. That she’d rather just remain invisible, and I can understand some of her pain because I’ve been there myself with my own self-doubt and insecurities. So I hope that if her and Gwilym do somehow manage to form a relationship, he could probably help her see that she is more than she seems.

*My POV*

After a couple weeks of being on set, Gwil and I were definitely spending a lot of time together and every time we got the chance to hang out, we’d talk about our lives or love of Queen.

“So you and Adam Lambert really knew each other that long?” he asked me.

“Yep. It just happened one day during lunch, I was the new kid in town and I feared no one wanted to hang out with me so I ended up eating in the courtyard by myself when Adam, all donned up with his green dyed stripped bangs introduced himself and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“So he was even extravagant even back then.”

“Yep. Then when we found out we both had a love for Queen, he refused to let me out of his life afterwards, cause I was the only friend he had that liked or even knew who Queen were.”

“Wait are you serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s hard to find people to talk about classic rock with when all they cared about was the rap music or Britney Spears. Or spice girls.”

“Wow.”

“So how did you come to know Queen’s music?”

“You’ll have to thank my old brother. He had basically almost every single Queen record there was, one day I heard him play Bohemian Rhapsody and I was curious. And I guess you could say the rest is history.”

“Well then your brother gets an A+ from me for good music taste.”

“So how is it touring with Queen and Adam?”

“Well I’ve toured with Adam for so long it just feels like a normal hang out day for us. Once he got the offer to tour with Queen themselves it was like not only meeting my role models but they became family to us. Brian and I have a common love for animals, so much so that I’ve become a daily donor to his SaveMe organization.”

“Hey Gwilym. They’re ready to start filming.” One of the producers came up.

“Well that’s my cue, see you after?”

“You bet.” We stood up and I went ahead and sat down at one of the chairs and watched as the guys did the performance for a Japan concert. I’ll admit even with the 70’s silk/satin angel shirt that he was wearing, he still looked pretty handsome and he sure was a brilliant guitarist if I do say so myself.

“I see what you’re doing.” Adam’s sing-song voice whispered in my ear. I came out of my daze and whispered to him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me dearie. I have eyes I’m not blind.” I shook my head and went back to paying attention to the guys now doing Brian’s song ’39. I clapped along with the song and softly sung the words (cause out of every song Bri had written, this was definitely my #1 fav.) When Dexter called cut, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away and soon found myself in a closet of sorts.

“Adam what the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Well would you rather talk about this out there where everyone can hear, potentially your secret lover too?” I immediately covered his mouth with my hand and I hissed at him as I shushed him.

“Shh! Shh! Speak louder why don’t you I don’t think they heard all the way from Glasgow!” I then retracted my hand in disgust as I felt him actually lick my palm. “Why must you do that?”

“Cause I know it annoys you.” He shrugged.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes Lambert.”

“Yeah but you always stick around me dearie.” He said smugly as he leaned up against the wall of the closet crossing his arms. “Now as I was saying back there, you’re really starting to get attached to Brian’s mini-him aren’t you?”

“No!” I snapped abruptly. He quirked his brow at me before I cleared my throat and said. “No, we’re just friends is all Adam. In fact if you keep going down this path, I might just replace you with him.”

“That hurts (n/n), that really hurts.” He mocked in pain as he placed his hand over his heart and gave me the puppy dog pout. “But girl c’mon for realzies, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up, okay can you just drop it? Now if you’ll excuse me Gwilym and I are due for a coffee break.” I walked out of the closet and stormed out trying to get my mind off of what Adam was hinting. As I was walking, I soon came up to Gwilym and when he saw me he smiled and I tried to calm my anger down as I approached him calmly.

“You okay (y/n)?”

“Yeah, yeah why would you say that?”

“Just—for a moment it looked like you were pissed at something.”

“Oh nothing you need to worry about, so you free for some coffee and catering? I know you’ve got a long day ahead of you, might not be a bad idea to have a good lunch.”

“Great because I had to skip breakfast when my alarm failed to wake me up this morning.”

“Well then we better hurry. We need food stat, can’t have one of the four Queen members perform on an empty belly.” We then raced over towards the catering and got us some food and coffee.

When we got it and was now walking through the studio where they were now setting up the Madison Square Garden set just opposite of where the Japan stage was earlier this morning.

“Wait so that actually happened?” asked Gwilym.

“He tries to deny it and blames it on the poor lighting the camera had but don’t be fooled. His son Rufus told me the whole story of how it happened.”

“I can’t believe he made his hair green.”

“His hair was already blonde as it was, he’s lucky it didn’t make his hair bleach blonde.”

“Well that’s not as funny as Joe thinking he’ll be able to wash out that perm he got.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he thinks what now?”

“Yeah Joe thinks that in the next week or two it’s gonna grow out and go back to normal.”

“Oh my god Joey!” I laughed.

“Like just the other night we were all out in the pub the four of us and he was chatting away to a girl with his Yankees cap on. So I went up and flipped the hat off and said as I pointed to his hair ‘he’s got a perm’!” I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“You are so bad.”

“Yeah. Bad wingman but good friend.” I continued laughing which turned into giggles.

“Ahh Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey.”

“GAHH SON OF A BITCH!!!” we both heard someone call out.

“Uh-oh.” I said as Gwil and I looked at each other and set out stuff aside on a nearby table before racing across the studio and I asked. “What happened?”

“Damn circuits in these lights shocked me and now I can barely feel my hand anymore.” Said one of the light engineers.

“Okay, okay here let me see it.” I walked up to him and held his hand in both of mine. There was some slight swelling but I thankfully no serious burn marks. “Well good news is, is that there’s no serious burn marks. But it is swollen red. I suggest some ice and rest for the rest of the day. And get a medic to check out your reflexes in case the shock might’ve nulled your muscles.”

“But we need another light technician to help us raise these lights for the Madison Square Garden set.” Said a female volunteer.

“You’re looking at your spare one. Besides I’ve spent my whole life with Roger and Brian to know how they want MSG to look. Now, what’s your name?” I turned to the guy who got shocked.

“Arnold.”

“Arnold, go see a medic about your injury and take the rest of the day off. Anyone asks or has a problem with it, send them my way, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He said with a slight smile before heading out to the medics trailer.

“Okay now what exactly are we dealing with here?” I asked the seven other light technicians.

“Well we’re trying to make sure all these lights intersect with each other so that they can change colors like they do at the real MSG. Arnold was working on the main circuit board to work the code in when it backfired and you heard what happened as the result.”

“Okay well first things first it could’ve been prevented if he were wearing gloves, rookie mistake.” I then took out my gloves that I always keep on me in my back pocket and put them on. “Goggles.” I said as I extended my arm out and someone handed me some spare goggles. Once I had them on I proceeded to work.

I called out for various equipment pieces like the 4 in 1 Podger rachet, a Leatherman supertool, and some batteries. Once I had the main board opened I began working on finding the loose circuit that probably caused Arnold’s shocking surprise because that needed to be fixed immediately.

Using a mini-flashlight I managed to find the area and found the problem.

“Okay I see the problem. Can someone hold the flashlight for me?”

“I got it.” Said one of the female volunteers as she came up and took the flashlight from me and I went right to work on the wires, making sure they were tucked in correctly and un exposed. It took some time but by the end of it all, I punched the code that was needed for the lights to turn on.

“There, that should do it.” I said as I took my gloves off and removed my goggles.

“Okay boys raise her up!” called the main lighting technician and soon the lights were raised up. Then using his phone, he activated the lights and they soon began shining into a red and blue pattern that would go along with the orange, yellow and green pattern. The light technicians clapped and thanked me for the assistance and when I turned to Gwil, he just had this awed look on his face.

“Sorry you had to see that. Whenever I hear a technical problem I just gotta jump in.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I was amazed to see how you were able to work all that out.”

“Oh it’s not that hard. All I had to do was just tighten the circuits and then replace the batteries while also—oh there I go again. My tech ramblings again, sorry if I’m boring you Gwilym you don’t need to hear all that.”

“No, no, no it’s genius. I mean back when I was doing theater in secondary and university, I never really had a good grasp on the tech theater side of it even though I was trying my best.”

“Not everyone does. I was the only one who took the class seriously back in high school. Everyone else rather just look at their magazines or porno books. Don’t ask me how they snuck it in.”

“Wow, well thankfully they had you to take it seriously.”

“Uh-huh.” I said sadly as I looked down and rubbed my wrist nervously.

“(Y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just—thinking back.”

“Anything you’d…..like to share? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Thank Gwilym but I don’t wanna bore you with my life. C’mon let’s get back to our food before you’re needed on set again.” I said as I walked away and went back to my donuts and Cinnabons. Gwil followed behind me and began to eat his celery and carrots as well as drinking his coffee, as we ate I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him up until I finished my things and tossed them in the bin before heading out.

Making an excuse that Bri and Rog had texted me saying that they wanted to talk about the lighting and sound for their next concert.

Later that night as everyone was packing up to do some of the outdoor scenes like Adam’s big cameo appearance, I found myself standing away from the set just staring up at the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to see Gwil coming by to sit beside me in the spare chair where Adam was just sitting at before he went to hair and makeup.

“Just—taking in the sky.” He looked up and he said.

“It’s a full moon out tonight.”

“Yep. The one time for a straight week where the tides are stronger and can sometimes have an effect on the human mind.”

“Quite the philosopher you are.”

“Well I did minor in it in college. My major was in electrical engineering.”

“So not only good with your hands but also a brilliant mind in philosophy as well. No wonder why Brian calls you the mini-Deacy.” I smiled briefly.

“The reason why I know about the full moon is because of him. He did give me a little lecture on astronomy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t have a fascination with space already. Just—never could understand the specific science talk it came with.”

“I hear yah. When I was a kid; my brother and I would go out to the backyard and we’d just look up at the stars and make as many pictures with them as we could. Sometimes we even stayed out all night. Worried my mum to no end.”

“I think it’d worry me too if my kids ended up staying outside in the cold night with no blankets or a tent to sleep in.” we turned to look at each other and once again Gwil had this awed look on his face, just like he did this afternoon. “What is it?”

“Nothing it’s just…..” he trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Your eyes.”

“M—my eyes?”

“They….they sparkle underneath the moonlight. Almost like they were two stars themselves.” I was speechless. I felt my heart race and my face beginning to heat up. I turned away probably blushing as red as an apple right now. I felt Gwil’s hand gently go on top of mine, before intertwining them together which made me look up at him. It was then I saw him lean closer towards me, his forehead pressing against mine while his nose gently brushed up against mine.

At this point I could hear my heart racing in my ears as the smell of his cologne sent me into a hypnotic state. I felt his hand cup the side of my face as he faintly whispered.

“So beautiful.” But just before he could kiss me, Joe’s voice could be heard from a mile away.

“YO GWIL WHERE ARE YAH!? WE’RE ABOUT TO START FILMING!!!”

“If this is payback for the pub he’s so gonna get it.” I heard him mutter angrily. He turned back towards me and he said, “Sorry love.”

“It’s okay.” I strained out. “Just, just, just, just go film your scenes for the night.” I said as I crossed my arms over me protectively and looked down. I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t find the strength to do so. I then heard him walk away and that’s when the tears started pouring down.

I took off running to the nearest place I could find. I didn’t even bother to look and see what it was, all I wanted to know was that I could be alone and that I could cry to myself in peace. I collapsed to the floor on my butt and tucked my legs up into my chest and began to softly cry.

I don’t know how long I was crying in wherever I was for but it was then I heard the door open and soon coming in was Adam and Rami.

“(Y/n)?” Adam said surprised. I felt myself being torn down as I had finally been revealed. I must’ve came into the hair and makeup trailer and now that they were probably calling it quits, everyone would soon come in and see me crying my eyes out.

“(Y/n) you okay?” Rami asked.

“Hey uhh Rami could you give us a moment alone? Maybe guard the door so that no one comes in just yet?”

“Yeah, yeah sure thing.” I heard the door shut and that’s when I saw Adam sit down in front of me. I looked up at him to see him in the truck driver get up with the full beard and long haired wig.

“You were right. Okay you wanna hear me say it Adam Lambert?! You were right! I’m in love with Gwilym Lee!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa okay. Okay. Calm down, calm down.” He said as he cautiously reached forward and gently gripped my arms in his hands. “I’m happy you finally came to terms with it dearie, that’s great news actually. But what’s got you so upset?”

“For Christ sake Adam tell me you didn’t forget about the bullying I had to endure all throughout middle and high school! And Jared!” at the mention of the boy’s name his eyes widened and he said.

“Okay hold on, wait just a damn second. Gwilym is nowhere near what that dick Jared was. I’ve seen the two of you together and he makes you happier way more than what Jared did.”

“Well Jared made me happy until he did what he did!” I looked down at my knees and continued lowly, “Oh Adam. I thought I could just keep up a friendship with Gwilym, but now I—” I trailed off as more sobs came up my throat as I choked out, “Now I…..I wish I never came here!” I then broke down once more.

I felt Adam sit close beside me before he wrapped his arms around me bringing me into his chest and kissing my forehead as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and stroked down my hair.

Once I calmed down after what felt like crying all night, Adam took me out of the trailer and already I could see a crowd of people including Gwil standing around asking all sorts of questions at seeing me.

“Guys please. No questions are necessary and please don’t ask me because I won’t answer them either. What was said in the trailer stays between (y/n) and me.” Adam made a clear statement before finally taking me away to find Brian or Roger.

When we finally came across Roger, he soon got protective and asked.

“What happened?”

“Roger could you just take (y/n) back to the hotel, I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, come with me lovie.” I was soon switched out from Adam’s arms to Roger’s and he guided me towards his car. He helped me into the backseat where I could hide away while he drove us back to the hotel.

I was now in my room lying on my bed hiding under the blankets after just spending a long time under the hot water trying to get rid of the memories of Jared.

You see—I had met Jared during the first collaboration with Adam and Queen. He was actually one of Brian’s roadies and helped set up all of Brian’s AMPS. We had a common love for electronics and gradated with the same major even being an ocean apart. We shortly began dating afterwards and were madly in love.

But when a serious accident caused him to take an early retirement from being on the road since the damage had been done to his lower back. Which left me to go on the road with Queen and Adam, but we still kept in touch.

Fast forward to just a year ago after four years of dating, I began to wonder if there was gonna be a future with the two of us together. So one day after we had gotten done with a tour, I get a text from Jared saying that the next night he wanted to meet me at the very restaurant where we had our first official date at. Adam of course was thrilled thinking that a proposal was in the horizon so he helped me get dolled up the next morning (even with him being completely jetlagged) and I met Jared at our restaurant.

I was trembling with anxiety but also with joy. He took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and that’s when he dropped the bombshell, but it wasn’t what you’d think it was. Jared had confessed to me in our restaurant where we had our first date, along with many others that he had been cheating on me.

But not just with one woman, not two, not three, but lots of women. All in the entire span we had been dating.

I refused to listen to anything else he had to say as he tried to defend himself. But no that’s not the worst part, the worst part of it was, was that the following day (after crying in Adam’s arms all day), Jared came to the stage where Queen and Adam were performing in London and tried to win me back. Saying that it was just a fluck and that he still loved me with all his heart.

He’d constantly tried to call or text me over 100 times a day. The harassment went on for months till finally I had a restraining order put against him and if he should violate it in the state of England, he’d be arrested. To which he was and was sentenced to five years in jail for refusal to obey the restraining order as well as stalking (yeah he’d stalk me cross country during some of the tours and even snuck backstage and confronted me with arms open and tears rolling down his face).

Ever since then, I’d been afraid to love again because what if they end up being another Jared. Charming, sweet, noble, funny and charismatic, but the second I turn my back he’d go and sleep with half the women in America. And then make me to be the bad guy because I couldn’t give them a chance to explain why he had to cheat.

I heard a knock at the door and I could only groan as my door soon opened and I felt three separate dips around my bed.

“Adam told us (y/n).” Brian’s voice said. I groaned and buried myself into my pillow.

“You know you’ll suffocate yourself if you do that.” Adam said.

“Better that than dealing with this bitch.” I groaned pitifully.

“C’mon (n/n), come out from under there and look at us.” Roger said. I shot up and glared at him and said.

“There, happy? Goodnight!” before I could collapse back down onto the bed, Adam held me up and trapped me in his arms as he said.

“Stay out here.”

“(Y/n). We know that—you know who really hurt you.” Brian started off.

“Hurt doesn’t even come close to how I felt the day he told me that. God never did I want to kill someone until that day.”

“I don’t blame you, none of us do.” Adam said as he rubbed my back. “But you can’t let what Jared did affect you for the rest of your life.”

“Think it’s already a little too late for that.”

“No it’s not. Because look at what you’ve accomplished since his arrest. The only guys you had a close connection with are me and the guys. Now you’ve become friends with Rami, Ben, Joe and Gwil. And what’s even greater is that you’ve come to accept that you’re starting to have feelings for Gwil.” Adam said. I looked down and I said.

“How do I know it’ll work out? What if it’s like Jared all over again?”

“You’ll never know unless you go for it.” Roger said. I looked between the three of them but didn’t answer.

“The choice is up to you (y/n). Just make sure that whatever you do decide, you won’t regret it. And just listen to your heart. We’ll support you no matter what you choose.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand to my shoulder. I nodded and thanked the guys as they brought me into a group hug.

The next morning I came onto set for the last time (since Adam was done with his cameo, he was needed back at the studio to promote some of his solo stuff, and as his SM manager I needed to be there to spread the word) to confront Gwilym and finally let go of the past (if I could).

I walked around the set till I finally found the person I was searching for. He was fiddling around with a mock Red special practicing before he would have to film the ‘We will rock you’ scene. I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and walked towards him.

“Hey Gwil?” he looked up at me and said.

“(Y/n). You’re—you’re still here. I thought you and Adam already left?”

“No, not till tomorrow. I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. About……” I trailed off and that’s when he stood up setting the guitar down and finished my thought.

“About last night?” I nodded. He sighed heavily as he pressed his hands to his face, “I’m really sorry (y/n). I never meant to upset, I was impulsive and stupid to do that. Can we just forget what happened? I was way out of line.”

“Actually Gwilym I—I have something to confess. But can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, we can talk in my trailer. If you’re comfortable with that.” I nodded and soon the two of us headed towards his trailer.

When we got there, he closed the door and I sat down on his sofa while he sat down at one of his chairs and said.

“Okay (y/n), what is it you need to confess?” my leg was bouncing up and down as I tried to formulate the words that I was about to tell him. I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

“God I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“No, no, no never feel sorry about this. Please take your time.”

“Last night I—I wasn’t upset because of the, well the about to be kiss. In fact I—I wanted to kiss you too.”

“But.” He stated knowing that I had something else to add on.

“There’s a—reason why I’m so insecure about myself. And—why I haven’t been in a relationship.” I then proceeded to tell him everything. From the bullies at school, to Jared’s story and how badly he had hurt me. Used me. Treated me like trash. By the end of it all, Gwil was leaning up against his chair with a heavy expression.

“That son of a—bloody hell. (Y/n) I—I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that hell.”

“Brian, Roger and Adam made it easier on me. After his arrest they allowed me to take some time off from the rest of the tour that I was dealing with to decompress from all that stress. I thought I would never love someone ever again. Until……I met you.” I admitted the last part shyly.

“You—you love me?”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just—had to get it off my chest. So if I’ve made things awkward between us now, I’m sorry. We don’t have to see each other again.”

“(Y/n), (y/n) (y/n) (y/n) (y/n), (y/n).” Gwil came up and knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Sorry you were starting to ramble on so much I could barely understand you.”

“Sorry. Adam always said I did that whenever I get to anxious. Bad trait of mine.”

“No worries love. Now to put your fears and anxiety aside, I want to tell you that I felt the same way about you. After spending these last few weeks together, I came to know the real you and not just through the stories from Brian and Roger. But now hearing this story, which I commend you for telling me. I know you didn’t have to tell me but you did. And I could go on and on about my feelings for you but to summarize it all up, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ll show you that not all men are like that selfish arsehole. I can be the man you deserve. The one who will treat you right, like you’re the only women left on Earth.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“The only girl I’ll love as much as you is my mum.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against Gwil’s and softly thanked him. “I promise (y/n). You’ll be my clever girl.”

“Think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better get used to it, because there will be a lot of cute little nicknames in the future.”

“Just as long as you don’t give me any cheesy ones like bunny, or cupcake, or turtledove.”

“Spoil sport. And those were the first three I was thinking of.” I softly laughed as a true genuine smile came across my face. “And there’s that beautiful smile that makes me week at the knees. Next to your eyes, your smile is the brightest thing about you.”

“Gwil stop it you’re making me blush.” He softly chuckled before slowly leaning his lips towards mine and he gave me a soft kiss. When I felt that sudden bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, I knew that Gwil was definitely going to be different than Jared. Even with that soft peck, there was so much passion and love in it that Jared never brought me.

I leaned forward and captured his lips once more, this time brushing my fingers through his short brown hair as I felt his arms slowly wrap further around me.

This was gonna be an adjustment in the days to come. After coming out of the relationship I had, I knew there would be some doubts in the future, especially with Gwil and I having separate careers always being a part from each other (me more than him) but I felt in my bones that when he made that promise earlier, he meant it.

And I was proven right that within 2 years shortly after the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere, I got a proposal right there at the red carpet.

89 notes · View notes

murdershegoat · 6 years ago

Text

Very Specific Playlists: A Masterpost (updated)

(all playlists are under the username sgotta)

maggie x alex - sanvers playlist

worlds greatest cover band - covers only, mostly glee

modern classics

i’m jewish but i still fuck with christmas - a christmas playlist

songs you’d find in a teen comedy from the mid-2000s

that scene in a movie where 2 lovers go their separate ways and there’s a montage (of despair)

when youre a 13 year old punkass bitch with too many feelings

that scene when the main characters being a badass bitch u don’t wanna cross (... and everyone else is like damn son u a boss ass bitch)

emotional scene in a tv medical drama where the patient probably dies

judaism, son - a very ashkenazi jewish playlist

when ur best friends a superhero and ur an emotional cowgirl bitch - a yeehaw supergirl playlist

songs that highlight your sad life story for when you audition for a singing reality tv show

hayley williams date me challenge - a paramore playlist

songs that end up becoming the theme song for a romcom from the years 1989-2010

when you live on a greek island, have three fathers, and a greek chorus keeps following you around - a mamma mia! playlist

when it’s 1985 and all u wanna do is put on a leotard and wrestle other women - a glow s1 and s2 playlist

songs worthy of being immortalised through meme like africa by toto or mr brightside by the killers

ten years of this bitch - a demi lovato playlist

when ur heads in the game but ur hearts in the song - a hsm 1, 2 & 3 playlist

when its 2009 and all u want is a crisp new jonas brothers poster and the next hsm movie

smoke filled new york city night club in 1947

opening credits where the protagonist goes through a montage to get ready for the day

camera pans upwards from the protagonist to a beautiful landscape and then the credits start

rest your head on the bus window and watch the rain fall on an already grey day

we’re not here to fuck spiders - aussie music only

when u meet a 17 year old immortal who sparkles and gets u caught up in wacky vampire hijinks - twilight playlist

slowdance at prom in a teen romcom

literally every cover of travelin soldier i can find on this god forsaken website - a breakdown

when u try to light a candle but theres only enough oil for one night and then it lasts for eight nights - a chanukah playlist

the mother of evangeline - a brandi carlile playlist

you were singing to finn and only finn, right? - a faberry playglist

let them say we’re crazy, what do they know? put your arm around me babe and dont ever let go - i cannot describe this one

carol danvers is the only avenger who matters - a captain marvel playlist

i dont wanna be (anything other than what ive been tryna be lately) - a teen dramas from 2001-2010 playlist

reinvention (oh why? she’s dead.) - a taylor swift playlist

brittany howard date me challenge - the musical genius of alabama shakes, thunderbitch & bermuda triangle (aka we stan a bitch with three bands)

so your best friend is a superhero and lied to you for years? thats rough buddy - a supergirl post reveal playlist

soundtrack to an indie movie

songs that sound like summer - 2019 summer playlist

songs glee should’ve covered - as decided by me

partybops.com - for all your lowkey party needs

joe was the best one stop kidding yourself - a definitive jonas brothers playlist

car-aoke - karaoke for your car

darn tootin - country for beginners

when you make a virtual reality world just to deal with a broken heart - a lena luthor season five playlist

turn any space into a liminal space - taking suggestions for liminality-inducing songs

the only song that matters - aka thank you for my life ms carlile

songs that make even me - a literal golem - believe in love - aka happy love songs!

#playlists #supercorp #brandi carlile #faberry #sanvers #taylor swift #demi lovato #hsm #everyone seemed to be discovering them but theyve been here the whole time

437 notes · View notes

solange-lol · 5 years ago

Text

not so typical love song - ch. 1/13

Chapter Title: Rollarcoaster

Words: 3,050

Note: my piece for the @pjo-hoo-bigbang !!! special thanks to @shelbychild and @wisdom-walks-alone for editing and helping me develop this story! it wouldnt exist w/o y’all!

Art by @lizzybizzyo! <3

read on ao3

—

Nico is staring at his computer, wordless. This isn't writer's block or surprise; it’s just the unknown reality of what this situation could lead to.

Another gay kid in his school. Another gay kid that isn’t Mitchell—who’s been out since 8th grade, and the only one to be out since then. Another kid at their school who’s hiding a secret.

Nico doesn’t even know if this kid is a boy or a girl or what, and frankly, he doesn’t care. There’s another kid like him. And he has no idea how to respond to the post.

The post is a submission from their school’s gossip blog on Tumblr, the notorious ‘hb-secrets.’ Piper had called him an hour ago, asking if he’d seen it yet.

“Seen what?” he had responded.

“The post on hb-secrets? About the closeted gay kid?” It hit Nico like a wall of bricks as he quickly went to pull up the website. Did somebody know? It was a relief when he saw the clipart Ferris wheel and a few short lines submitted by a blog called blue0919.

“I bet it’s that Brazilian sophomore. Paolo or whatever? Or maybe it’s Connor Stoll! I swear he’s been flirting with Mitchell, but Annabeth keeps telling me that he’s into Lacy or someone,” Piper continued as he read, but it was going in one ear and out the other as he processed the words on the screen

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next minute I’m at rock bottom. Over and over all day long, because a lot of my life is great. But nobody knows I’m gay.

“Gotta go. I’ll talk later,” Nico said quickly, switching off his phone. He knew it would raise suspicion, but it felt like time was turning in on itself. Nobody knew about Nico. In fact, nobody ever even suspected. He’s never been called names besides “Death Boy.” And yet, there were the exact words that described his life, written out in front of him like they were a second thought.

And now, he was staring at his computer with an empty Gmail draft open. The original poster had left their email at the end of the post, so Nico after glancing quickly at his Panic! at the Disco poster still proudly hanging on his wall, typed out a new address. He was stuck, though, unsure of what to say from here.

So, he started from the beginning.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 6:48 PM

Subject: Hey

Somehow you’ve managed to type exactly what I feel. Sorta scary, as if you’re inside my head or something. Maybe it’s just a gay thing to be speaking in metaphors about the pressure of everyday society.

That’s what I am. Gay. I don’t know if I’ve ever really said it out loud to myself.

It’s weird because I never really had a perfectly normal life. My mom died when I was young, so I never really got to meet her. My sister and I have always been super close until she went away to college. Now, not as much. I guess that’s just what happens when you live a million miles away.

And I’ve known my stepmom longer than I knew my real mom, but it was only a few years ago when I met my half-sister when she came to live with us because her mom died as well. Meaning, she isn’t the daughter of my stepmom. It’s a long story, and not really one I want to get into.

She’s super nice though. It’s funny, but despite being polar opposites with my older sister, they’re both mushy inside. Same with my stepmom. And my dad… he tries his best. We’re like exactly what you expect from a slightly broken family. Plus my dog who my cousin gave to me during a rough time. Honestly, she’s probably my favorite sibling out of them all. (Both my sisters would kill me if they knew I wrote that.)

And then there are my friends. I have some that are closer than others; Two of them I’ve known for a while now, and one who I only met recently but treats me better than some of the people I’ve known my whole life. While I admit, I’m not the most social person in the world, they’re pretty amazing as far as friends go.

So there it is. My perfectly normal life. Except for that huge ass secret.

He typed and retyped each line what felt like a thousand times, deleting word after word. He didn't know what was too much. It all felt like too much, really. He didn’t even know if he could trust this person.

Signing it was the worst part; he didn’t have any good pseudonyms. Eventually, he decided to leave it blank.

Without a second thought, Nico hit ‘send’ before leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his head. Only a second later, a light knock came from the door, causing him to quickly sit up as Hazel popped her head in.

“Dinner’s ready if you wanna eat,” she smiled. She left just as quickly as she came, curls bouncing as she walked away. They had gotten over the awkwardness of having a new sibling only months after Hazel moved in, but there was still some strangeness. To this day, Nico was still a lot closer to her than Bianca was. Either way, Nico knew he would do anything for her. (Not that he would admit that. He didn't even need to, Hazel already knew.)

Nico glanced back at his computer, but there was nothing in his inbox besides the Gmail “Welcome” email. It was stupid to think this person would respond that quickly, seeing as Nico didn't even know if they would respond at all. Heaving a sigh, he got up to join his family for dinner. Maybe he could even convince them to watch Steven Universe instead of The Bachelor.

---

Dinner went as expected. It’d been a while, actually, since they were all together for a meal. Hazel talked about her psycho geometry teacher and a boy she talked in the class named Frank, who seemed sweet but apparently had a shared hatred for math just like her. Nico didn’t say much, although chimed in at the latter, saying he better be the flower boy at their wedding. That even got a short scoff out of his father, which tended to be the closest Nico ever got him laughing. So, that was a win.

However, he was a little more distant than usual. The pending email response was in the back of his mind during the entire meal.

Even afterward, as they watched reruns of Glee (a compromise made between Hazel and Nico, much to their father’s dismay), Nico couldn’t focus. It felt like a weight was burning through his back pocket. After the second episode (and laughing his ass off at his father’s reaction to Kurt’s ‘Single Ladies’ dance) he finally excused himself.

He tapped the Gmail app on his phone as soon as he had reached his room. It felt like his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the new notification, a response from the original poster. With slightly shaky hands, he tapped the response, and a message opened up.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 8:12 PM

Subject: I’ve never done this before

Dear anonymous person on the internet,

I really don’t know where to begin. I’m also not sure if you're a real person. For all I know you could be some random pedophile like one of those cases they warned us about in health class for the past 5 years, even though it’s never happened within the last decade.

But in case you are real, hello! I’m the original poster from that hb-secrets thread about life being a Ferris wheel. I’m rereading what I wrote there and I can’t stop cringing, so I’ll start by apologizing for that. I’m not usually one for metaphors, even the bad ones.

Anyway, it sounds like you identify with what I wrote. I’m glad you emailed me; I didn’t think anyone would actually do anything with the email that I left. Except maybe be extremely homophobic. But it made me feel less like I was shouting into the void, so thanks for that. And I assume you’re okay with me writing back since you sent me the first email. Though, I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you. I really didn’t think I would.

I guess I’m thinking it could be nice to talk with someone who can relate to how I’m feeling. No pressure, of course, but feel free to write back if you want to. I don’t want to use my real name, but you can call me Blue.

It was surreal. Someone who was like Nico. Someone who wanted to talk to Nico because they were like him.

He started to type again, with more excitement than he’s ever felt. He’s never been able to express this part of him before. It was almost like first date jitters-type feeling.

(Not that he really knew what that was like.)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 8:23 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

Hi, Blue

Wow, I’m actually kind of flipping out right now, because I seriously didn’t think I’d hear from you, especially so quickly. Wow. Okay. First of all, thanks for your email and also for your Tumblr post. I really liked it, Blue, and it wasn’t cringy at all, I promise.

So do you go here (here meaning HBHS)? I do, I’m a junior. And I’m a guy (are you a guy?) Anyway, I could relate a lot to your post, Like, pretty much all of it, but especially the part about being gay. You probably figured that out already though. And I’m not out yet either, which you probably figured that part out too.

I guess a part of me wants to be out, but a part of me’s like… no. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know. Maybe you get it.

So yeah, it’s really nice to meet you! This is kind of cool, right? Even writing this email makes me feel eleven times less alone.

-Angel (not my real name either, two can play at this game. It’s not like a pet-name type thing. If you ever find out who I am, you’ll understand why.)

He was worried about the whole name-signing thing. ‘Angel’ was just the easiest thing; it was a direct translation of his last name. He was really hoping Blue still didn’t take it in a weird way, even with that last note.

Relief flooded through him when he read the first sentence of Blue’s next email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 8:41 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

Angel, huh? Maybe like guardian angel perhaps.

Also, eleven times less alone? That’s oddly specific. :) But I know exactly what you mean.

Anyway, wow. Hi. You wrote back, and quickly too. I’m really glad you liked my post. Now I’m actually happy I put it out there. I have to admit, it’s strange to be writing a somewhat personal email to you when we don’t know each other’s identities. Though, in a way, I guess that makes it easier. Sorta like a therapist, except we’re both blindfolded and have the same problem. So not really a therapist, I guess.

Do you think therapists have therapists? Like, if the problems get to be too much for them? Is there an Almighty Therapist who just absorbs everyone's issues and feels nothing?

Anyway, I am a guy, and I’m also a junior at HB. I think you’re actually the first other gay guy I’ve met here. It’s pretty surreal to be talking to you. (In a good way though.) I wonder if we know each other in real life.

And I think I understand what you mean. I feel like I’m constantly going back and forth about wanting to come out. I have these moments where I’m almost bursting to tell people. Of course, that’s where I was when I posted the thing on Tumblr. But I always feel so weird about it a few hours later, and sometimes I’m intensely relieved no one knows yet. What about you?

-Blue

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 9:12 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

I mean, let’s be real, eleven is the best number, which is perfect because we’re both in eleventh grade. And I can't believe we’re both juniors. The class is pretty small compared to the others, so I bet we do know each other, which is weird to think about. What if we’re actually enemies in real life? Do you have enemies? I don’t think I do, not really. Various people tend to annoy me a lot. It’s not even their fault; some people just have really punchable faces.

(I’m usually a really nonviolent person. I’m more like a violent person who at the same doesn’t really want to hurt anyone, so I have to resort to fantasizing about punching people, which just ends in eating my feelings in large quantities of McDonald’s.)

It’s funny for me, it’s actually not so much that go back and forth about wanting to come out. It’s like I simultaneously do and don’t want to be out. Which is pretty freaking exhausting, honestly. Like I’m in this constant state of JUST SAY IT and NO NEVER. Do you think that ever ends? I don’t know, maybe I’m just a really indecisive person. I think part of me is also just holding out until college when I’m away from anyone I know and can just reinvent myself.

So what kind of stuff do you like to do after school and everything?

-Angel

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 9:34 PM

Subject: Re: I’ve never done this before

I don’t think I have any enemies, but now I’m definitely wondering if I’m the guy with the punchable face. How do you know if you have a punchable face? I’ve never been punched, so hopefully, that’s a good sign.

I will say, I’m definitely with you on the issue of eating your feelings. I’m the person who has never smoked a cigarette or gotten drunk or anything like that, and I'm usually relatively healthy. However, I once ate five jars of Nutella in one sitting. I do not recommend,

I’m indecisive, too, in some ways. Okay, full disclosure: I was really conflicted when you sent me that email. I kept going back and forth about whether I should email you. I was (and am) definitely intrigued, but I guess I was also a little bit paranoid. It’s just that you could have been anyone, and it’s hard to know sometimes if someone’s being a jerk or if they’re being sincere. Plus my cousin sort of actually outed me. Not to anyone else, he’s the only one who knows, but now I’m super paranoid about coming out. (Exactly what you said about holding out until college. I’m thinking I can move to LA or somewhere where nobody really cares. Although I wouldn’t want to reinvent myself. And I don’t want you to reinvent yourself either, you’re pretty cool as you are I think.) Anyway, I’m really glad I decided to email you, though.

So, you’re probably going to think I’m ridiculous, but I’d rather not answer your last question. It’s just… I think I like being anonymous for now. Is that okay?

-Blue

Okay, that last part was fair. Nico understood the wanting-to-be-anonymous thing. Sure, they go to the same school. But Blue had no reason to entirely trust him; Nico didn’t really trust Blue at all. This could entirely be some random asshole anywhere in the world trying to find him and beat him up, or worse. It sucked that homophobia was still a thing in their day and age.

But Blue said he liked talking to Nico, and it was thrilling to talk to him. It was another secret of his, but not one he entirely minded keeping. So, he chose to believe that Blue was actually who he said he was.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: Oct 2 at 9:57 PM

Subject: Punchability

Blue, you have so much to learn about the rules of punchability, starting with the fact that it is completely impossible for you to have a punchable face. Rule number one: guys who make metaphors about Ferris wheels are automatically unpunchable. Rule number two: There isn’t one. Just rule number one, so memorize it. Everyone else can catch these fists. (Catch these fists? These hands? This would probably be more intimidating if I knew the correct phrasing)

Also, five jars of Nutella in one sitting is the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Challenge accepted.

I don’t think you’re ridiculous, Blue. I totally understand why you don't want to tell me about your extracurricular activities (I’m guessing interpretive dance, though, you seem like the type.) But seriously, I get it. It’s this weird contradiction, right? It’s so much easier to be open with someone who doesn't know you at all. We’ll be each other's Ultimate Therapists.

(Except I don’t think I could ever be a therapist.)

Anyway, I’m really glad you decided to email me back, too :)

-Angel

That smiley face was really unlike him.

Nico sent the email, but after nearly an hour, he didn’t get on back, which meant Blue was probably asleep. Which was different from what Nico was used to; he tended to stay awake until the early hours of the morning most nights. But it wasn’t anything he minded. He had a conversation with Blue, and even if that was the last one they would ever have (which, he was hoping it wouldn’t be), it was good to know that there was somewhere out there like him.

#solangelo #heros of olympus #pjo #will solace #nico di angelo #pjo hoo big bang 2019 #im willing to make a tag list for this but i didnt want to use my general solangelo taglist #so if you would like a taglist for this fic lmk!#nstls

33 notes · View notes

michaelconlon-blog1 · 5 years ago

Text

Blog Post 7

Michael Conlon

Blog Post #7

I am very close to all of my family. My family is not very big, having 2 siblings, as well as grandparents on each side, 3 aunts and 4 uncles, and 2 cousins. Out of all of my extended family, I am definitely most close with my grandparents. Even though my grandparents on my dad’s side live in Delaware, we see each other very often. Going to Delaware to see them is one of my favorite places to go on this planet.

My grandpa on my dad’s side was a former member of the Marine Corps. He was a part of Delaware’s first state detachment Marine Corps league, where him and fellow Marines would give back to the community by meeting up monthly and planning events that would help out the community. My grandpas two favorite ways of giving back was working for Toys for Tots and putting flags on Marines graves on veterans and Memorial Day. I was never around to help him out with the flags, but I was around to help him with Toys for Tots. My whole family would go to my grandparents’ house in Delaware every thanksgiving, and he would be working on Toys for Tots, and I would go around the town with him, picking up bins full of donated toys and deliver them to the Marine Corps league center. My family knew how much he enjoyed doing this, and we all wanted to help him. He was very determined to give back, and he was recognized and given Delaware’s Marine of the year award in 2018. He was very honored to receive the award, and it was very well deserved. I am very proud of him for all his hard work. Sadly, about 10 months later he passed away in March, 2019. It was very difficult to me and my entire family, as that was the first ever loss we ever had as a family. I would do anything in the world to see him again. I always knew that I wanted to carry on his legacy, and I began wondering what I could do to accomplish that. I even thought about transferring to a new school that’s closer to home so I had the opportunity to do something there, because it was my first semester at UB and with all of that going on, plus school work, I was dealing with a lot of stress. My decision was every year I was going to donate and help the Toys for Tots foundation as much as I could, and donate everything under his name. I know 100% that if he were still here with us, that’s what he would be doing. I simply want to help him do what he loved doing for him, because I know how much it means to him. I was not aware that UB had a community of Toys for Tots, and if I had known that earlier, I would have got involved, but I still plan on donating money to the foundation, as well as toys. I just recently saw a poster on my floor in Griener Hall, where I stay this year, and it said that Toys for Tots is collecting empty bottles to donate, all proceeds going to Toys for Tots, so I will be collecting all the bottles from myself and my friends, and donating them. My involvement in giving back came directly from my grandpa, and I am glad I have an opportunity to carry on his legacy.

If I am going to be honest, my family, besides my siblings, don’t really use Social Media, so I don’t really connect to them through it. I do have my Uncle to communicate with over Facebook, but we talk a lot more in person then we do over Social Media. I do however have a lot of pictures that I save on my Social Media just in case I ever lose any photos with them. In a 3-month span, March to May, I have lost my two grandpas and my family dog of 13 years. Throughout that span, I made a file of pictures on Google as well as Facebook to store pictures of my family, especially those I have lost, to make sure I never lose them. My Tumblr page for this class has a picture of the last photo that my family has taken of all of us together, and I hold that photo very close to my heart. I also have the last picture I ever took with my grandpa that I talked about before, and I don’t plan on changing it any time soon. Even though I don’t use Social Media to connect with my family, I definitely use it as a backup plan to save pictures in case something ever happens to them.

I am very thankful that I have been given to opportunity to help with community work to honor my grandpa. I know that he would be happy that all the work he can no longer do for the foundation will be carried on by me, as well as my entire family. We knew doing this made him happy, and it feels like I can build another connection to him, even though he isn’t around anymore. He may be gone, but he will never be forgotten by my family, and we will do whatever we can to honor him and everyone else in the family.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have the link for the website for Toys for Tots, incase anyone wants to learn more about it.

https://www.toysfortots.org

2 notes · View notes

bohemianrhapsody86 · 5 years ago

Text

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first. 187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda 185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny. 184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants. 181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday. 180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap. 176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down. 171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two. 170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store. [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High 152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die. [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh. 119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon. 118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice. 117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use. 116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap. 115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there. 114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it. 112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome. 111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave. 109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before. 108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill. 107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated. 106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves. 105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family. 104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades. [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger. 102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower. 100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point. 90: Texted: about 2am this morning. [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him. 79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School. 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper. 68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball. 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff. 62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore. 61: My Car: gets me there. 60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one. 59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really. 56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list 50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same. 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing. 39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there. 20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing. 17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one. 9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs. 8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents. 6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.

#personal #200 things about me #bored #cramping #I need some sleep but can't sleep #period brain

10 notes · View notes

murfeelee · 6 years ago

Photo

I just want to speak my piece and voice my hopes & concerns about the ideas for a new Sims Networking site.

Disclaimer: Despite the length of this long effing post, I know absolutely nothing about creating a website, or hosting, servers, or anything like that.

In light of Tumblr’s clear and present determination to kill its own website, many ideas are being proposed about The Sims community starting its own website. This would be a safe haven for simmers, where we can all share our content without fear of overzealous censorship and nefarious politico-economic stunts and power-plays.

Having different simmers presenting different platforms and ideas about how to get a simming network started is great, and I support anyone who pitches an idea. I don’t care who figures it out, just as long as someone does, and it’s good. But at this critical point and time what the community really needs is to not be splintered -- that’s what the problem is: that when Tumblr internally combusts we’ll all mass exodus and go our separate ways (to LJ/DW, Twitter, Blogspot, WP, etc), and we won’t all be in one place anymore. :(

There’s nothing wrong with having multiple simming networks, and having a selection of simmers-only social media outlets, not at all. We do that already, with sites like TSR & MTS, etc, that embrace content from ALL the sims games (1-4, etc), but where different preferences/standards/visions naturally lead to different websites doing their own thing separately.

But I think it’s time we as a community had one main home.

IMO, ideally, it would be one that functions like Tumblr did -- just Better and More Positive. ;) It would not be moderated by admins like the other sims sites, and instead the site runners would be there strictly for site support and maintenance. We’ve been moderating the simblr side of Tumblr all these years pretty okay -- aside from the abuse/neglect of the Tags (which I hope we could come to a more unified system with on a new site).

The new site could have all the image uploading/storage and other features we enjoy (Follows, Reblogs, Likes, Comments, IM, etc) but possibly even with an additional forum aspect, with rich text text threads & private messaging, etc. Is that at all possible?

The forum half of the site could have moderators, if only to keep the threads organized, but there would be none of that censoring crap that gets users warned/banned over stupidness like language, adult content, or my personal favorite: filesharing (especially when cc users rely on WCIFs and reuploaders to share content from dead sites and creators who delete their content for one reason or another).

I’d also love to see a return of more community events:

more Simblreen-like photo prompts & challenges for other holidays & seasons

more creative contests (like the one recreating real movie posters as sims images to get featured as new cc)

more visibility for machinimas (those mofos work HARD)

the return of sims magazines for fashion & builders & whatnot

Age and Adult Content Restrictions

The Sims is a borderline Teen/Everyone/Mature-rated game. It’s got sex and violence and crude humor and weirdness that isn’t really suitable for little kids. It's at each parent’s discretion what their kids are exposed to, but most simmers are either in their teens or older (I haven’t come across any 7 year olds playing this crazy game, at least.) As such, I don’t feel this new site should be censoring/blocking adult content and nsfw. Let the tags do their jobs -- even implement a Safe Mode & parental controls if you have to.

When it comes to what the age restrictions are, can’t y’all just have a captcha or one of those buttons you click that says you’re 13+ or whatever the age needs to be? And there are pretty cool captchas out there, too -- we don’t need something as crazy as what Thaithesims had (for those of y’all who don’t know, it was freaking nuts, trust), but there are others that ask a simple math question, or makes you to click the picture of the vegetable, or some Where’s Waldo looking thing to find all the bicycles or whatever the heck. Y’all’ve seen them, I don’t know.

Again, I don’t even know what goes into making a website, and determining what it can & cant support -- or AFFORD.

And that brings me to Money:

While it’s so exciting and heartening to see different ideas coming out now, honestly, it’s not gonna work when all y’all are all asking for money and donations. That’ll have us scrambling to fund & invest in a million different people’s ideas, until someone gets a site working that we’ll actually use.

Of course we know money is THE issue, and of course websites are Expensive AF™. But it would be more realistic for all y'all to get a site up and running, have us use it and test it out, and once the community gives it our seal of approval, then start doing donation drives to keep the site/servers funded. That’s the way fan-made ad-free sites with adult content like Archive Of Our Own do it; I’ve been subscribed there for years, and they make $100k+ every drive, it’s amazing. Sites like Wikipedia & the Wayback Machine no doubt make more. (Didn’t SimFileShare fund itself to get started? They use ads, though, which might force adult content restrictions like what’s happening with Tumblr.)

I wish I had the disposable income to give to ANY of these fantastic websites that I know and love, just to show my appreciation, but I’m dirt poor, so.... But I just feel that it really shouldn’t be up to users to fund free websites, because that’s hardly better than having to pay for subscriptions to join paid sites. I don’t even like pay for CC, or DLC, or even video games at full price. So any bid for money makes me suck my teeth a bit, frankly speaking.

In Closing:

The Sims community deserves its own space, to freely express ourselves.

The Sims is unique from any other game ever made, because simmers create the stories, simmers create the content, and simmers create the gameplay -- it’s not a linear pre-determined storyline, but a more or less open-ended open-world mechanism by which the gamer decides (and can create) everything from the characters to the plots to the locations.

We’re not just posting pictures on the official forums of our customized Lara, Shepard, Geralt, Arthur Morgan or whoever beating a level or discovering a hidden location. No. We’re creating our own characters and worlds and directives, and sharing art through images, storytelling, and custom content. And we’re sharing a bit of ourselves in the process.

Tumblr used to be the one place we could rely on to embrace our individuality, freedom of speech, agency, expression, and be part of a community that supported us and our content. I don’t want the Sims community to be fractured, and certainly not die out. Y’all have been like family to me, for the 5 years I’ve been on Tumblr, and for almost a whole decade now in the online Sims community -- 2019 will make it 10 years (which is a lot, for an antisocial psychopath like me). If Tumblr fails us, I won’t know where else to go, and it really saddens me. The Sims is a Lifestyle.

So I really hope y’all movers and shakers out there who know about web development can come together, figure things out together, and create a Better, More Positive space for us to enjoy playing and sharing our love of The Sims games.

#simblr #the sims #RANT ALERT #mini rant #murf is a derp

74 notes · View notes

sarcasm-and-studying · 6 years ago

Text

We Don’t Talk About the Stories

October 13

Before I start, let's get one thing straight. I'm not the type of person to fall for some run of the mill conspiracy. I don't believe in magic, and I take most things told to me with a truckload of salt. I mean, when you spent a good nine years of your life believing your house was taken over by a secret race of anthropomorphic gloves, you tend to start being a bit skeptical about the world around you.

Having said that, I truly believe my history teacher might be an immortal.

It started off as a joke, one of those blatantly untrue ‘rumors’ everyone spreads to feel like they’re a part of something bigger than themselves. It was somewhere around mid September when we all collectively realized that perhaps we weren’t completely lying to ourselves after all.

Mr. Robert T. Johnson is a quirky man with giant gold-rimmed glasses and a curly beard concealing most of his face. He dresses in vests and bow-ties that come in a variety of earthly tones, and he uses phrases like “that’s so Jake!” - phrases we’re pretty sure no one’s used in over a century.

I want to put a disclaimer here - a disclaimer that is brought on by my confidence in the second paragraph of this entry. Every ‘proof’ I have to offer of the supernatural is purely circumstantial, and can be, in theory, explained in a perfectly rational way.

At any rate, a huge reason why these rumors exist is because of Mr. Johnson’s stories. Every once in a while, he gets a droll look in his eye, and the class always exchanges excited glances. The stories range from the slightly peculiar to the straight up ludicrous, yet every student believes without a doubt that Mr. Johnson actually did punch a Nazi in a French aquarium, or that he actually did date an attractive acrobat who scammed a loan shark out of half a million dollars.

Yet these stories never have any time stamps, and whenever someone inquires Mr. Johnson as to when he actually had time to go on these adventures, he always gets flustered and quickly changes the subject. Pretty soon, we learned not to ask too many questions.

The most notable one of these incidents took place at the concert of some obscure musician with an unfamiliar name. By next period, someone googled the guy. Apparently his last concert was in 1903.

Yet we’d already learned not to ask too many questions, so we left the answers up to our own imaginations. And our imaginations did run wild, leading us to the perhaps slightly irrational conclusion I am sharing with you now.

December 27

My hands are almost shaking as I write this. I wish I didn’t believe the rumor, I wish I could listen to my rational mind. Yet the further I go into the school year, the more I seem to stop listening to logical reasoning of any sort.

The last few months have passed without any major incidents. Mr. Johnson remains as suspicious as ever, although new ‘proof’ has come up. My teacher seems to… imply he knows a lot of languages, as in his stories he regularly talks with residents of other countries. As always, he dodges questions, though. He doesn’t strike me as a language kind of guy, and however many he knows, it’s probably more than an average person learns in a lifetime.

The girl who sits in front of me in homeroom has never talked to me before, but today she leaned back in her chair and rested her elbow on my desk.

“You’re in Mr. Johnson’s class, aren’t you?” she inquired, her voice quivering with excitement. “Here, take a look at what I found while researching my forensics project!”

It was a scan of a news article with a giant picture of a policeman leading a man away in handcuffs. The policeman looked exactly like Mr. Johnson, except clean-shaven and without glasses.

The only problem was that the photo was taken in Ohio, and the policeman was identified as ‘Mr. Green’.

Oh, and it was taken in 1923.

“Mr. Johnson, do you have any ancestors who lived in Ohio?” I asked him at history that afternoon. “A grandfather, perhaps?”

Mr. Johnson stiffened up at the word ‘Ohio’. “Why do you ask?” he inquired, exaggerated nonchalance barely concealing a panicked note in his voice.

“I... was just wondering,” I replied, shifting awkwardly.

“My family did move here from Ohio!” he told me with a hearty laugh, switching to a laid back tone of voice. In a matter of seconds, all his tenseness had evaporated. “How did you find out?”

“A friend of mine was researching for a project,” I blurted without thinking. “She saw a picture of a man who looks just like you in some article about a murder case...”

A few days after that, Akane told me the scans had vanished from the internet. As soon as I came home from school that day, I messaged a few of the websites that previously provided the scans, asking them about the disappearance.

A few weeks have passed. Not one of them has replied.

February 16

The history teacher next door has left. It happened without any warning, and I am yet to meet a person who isn’t surprised by Mrs. Sheldon’s disappearance. She was an old, sweet lady, someone who has spent a good portion of her life teaching at our school. For her to leave like that, here on Friday and gone on Monday - it greatly disturbed the status quo.

According to the dean, Mrs. Sheldon has grown extremely sick and won’t be able to come to school for a while. She knew neither this mysterious illness nor how long this ‘while’ was going to last.

The new history teacher is a woman in her early to mid thirties, with a round, trustworthy face and strong arms. Her name is Mrs. Merri. She has started to decorate her classroom, the most notable of her posters being a ‘cheat sheet’ on some war we aren’t supposed to learn about until next year.

A girl in my math class was crying because she missed Mrs. Sheldon so much. I feel sorry for her. Fortunately, it doesn’t seem like Mr. Johnson will be leaving anytime soon.

March 24

I have asked around about what Mrs. Merri is like. People seem to have different opinions of her. Most people say she is nice, but some of the more ambitious students complain about how she doesn’t seem to be too experienced in teaching a history class.

People have mostly stopped talking about Mrs. Sheldon. Now, it’s just one of the many interesting things that have happened at my school.

April 2

I usually get a little early to school, and I often hang out in Mr. Johnson’s classroom for ‘tutoring’ until the first bell rings. Today, however, his door was locked and he was nowhere to be seen.

“It seems like Mr. Johnson is running late,” Mr. Merri said. She was leaning on her door frame, smiling openly. “Why don’t you come into my classroom instead?”

“Sure,” I shrugged, glancing behind her into the open room. Almost a dozen students sat at the desks, pouring over textbooks or conversing in hushed voices. I recognized Akane, as well as some other kids who I usually saw in Mr. Johnson’s class.

I took a seat next to Akane and pulled out my phone. For a while, we all worked in relative silence.

“I see a lot of unfamiliar faces today,” Mrs. Merri remarked at some point. She was perched, nonchalantly, on her desk, gazing over us in amusement. “Don’t tell me Mr. Johnson always gets this much more students in the mornings.”

Someone assured her this was an unusually busy day.

“He seems to be a good guy,” she continued. “I’d like to get to know him better. Does he tell you guys stories in his class? Because I’ve only spent a few days talking to him and I’ve already heard he’s been all over the world. Asia, Africa, Europe… And he’s been all over the US as well. Has he ever told you guys about Ohio?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Akane freeze up mid-page turn.

“Not really,” I said nonchalantly. “He’s mentioned vacations in different countries, but you make it seem like he’s some sort of world traveler. I certainly don’t remember anything about Ohio.”

I remembered a rumor about how some girl saw Mrs. Sheldon in a grocery store recently looking very healthy and very much not like a person who has to leave school because of a mysterious illness.

“He doesn’t really tell stories,” Akane picked up. “He’s honestly a reserved kind of guy when he teaches our class.”

The rumors about Mr. Johnson’s mysterious past, Mrs. Sheldon’s sudden disappearance and quick replacement, the absolute confidence with which Akane and I delivered our lies - all of these things led a few of the other kids in the classroom to slowly nod their agreement.

Mrs. Merri regarded us with a cold, skeptical stare. Now she didn’t seem so friendly anymore. “So he’s told you… nothing? Nothing about his personal life at all?”

“Honestly, yeah,” said someone to my left. “I wish he’d tell more stories.”

“Mr. Johnson’s traveled across Europe?” piped up a boy in the front. “That’s amazing! Could you tell us more?”

Mrs. Merri let the topic evaporate, and in less than a minute the first bell rung. I’m going to tell Mr. Johnson about this, Akane told me under her breath as we filed out of the door.

Mr. Johnson did not tell our class any stories that day.

June 12

The next day, Mr. Johnson did not show up to class.

We later found out he had left a note of resignation on the principal’s desk the afternoon of the incident. He didn’t answer his email, and his phone went straight to voicemail no matter who called him or when they did it. Most of his belongings were left in the classroom, never to be picked up again, which would’ve been cause for alarm if it wasn’t for the disappearance of a whole row of books on his bookshelf, a whole row of books we knew Mr. Johnson cherished dearly.

So wherever he left, he left of his own accord.

A few days later, Mrs. Merri was replaced by Mrs. Sheldon again. Any questions about her alleged illness were avoided by both her and the school staff.

Now, more than ever, I suspect that both Mrs. Merri and Mr. Johnson have giant secrets. I don’t think I’ll ever find out, though.

I never saw either of them again.

#stories #short story #writeblr #writer #story #inspiration #plot #idea #immortal #teacher #mystery

46 notes · View notes

home-working · 6 years ago

Text

Let There Be Sunlight

Holy shit it’s 2019! What did you get up to in 2018? What were your achievements, your successes? (Tumblr, I see that you have quasi-upgraded your blogging platform so I can have proper post titles AND photo layouts, congrats! Except they don’t really work!!)

One thing I did was upgrade my workspace, cause holy fuck it was starting to get depressing having my desk in a dark corner.

Welcome to Homeworking HQ (Ditmas Park) 2.0! Now I get to push pixels beside my big, bright, plant-adorned window, which allows me to bathe in all the reflected sunlight I can take and more easily spy on the people across the street at all hours of the day. In addition to relocating my desk, I got rid of another shitty table I didn’t like/need and replaced it with something useful: colour-coordinated S-T-O-R-A-G-E!

Behold!

Since apparently I don’t know how to purchase anything that isn’t red, yellow or blue, I found this not-Bisley™ wheeled filing cabinet online and then filled it with shit to organize other-shit-that-was-cluttering-up-my-apartment. There is nothing quite as satisfying as hidden things unnecessarily matching other things that are also hidden!

The only other surface I now have to eat off/do anything at is this IKEA “kitchen island” which I mostly end up standing at if I have a guest over like some awkward personal bartender because I currently only have one tall stool:

December: back on the holiday caramel-making bullshit.

Anyways, so far, it’s been a success sitting 10 feet closer to a natural light source, measurable by the fact that I really actually enjoy sitting at my desk again.

Wow, I’m sitting beside a window! Ok!

But how else does one define success? Purchasing objects to improve your quality of life is one thing, but measuring success in your career and personal life is trickier.

Warning: the rest of this post is basically me practicing long winded/unfunny/unresearched existential thought diarrhea so feel free to maybe skip it!

When I was younger and still unsure of what direction my life would take post-art school, I knew that at least no matter what I ended up doing, I wanted to be successful at it, and loosely defined that “success” as being able to make a living from it (growing up in a financially unstable household, self-sustained monetary security was of high importance). I was very lucky that I fell into a creative line of work that I not only found enjoyable and challenging, but was able to turn into a relatively fruitful career.

But the thing with a low threshold of success is that as soon as you achieve it, you need to begin rescaling your definition of it to keep moving forward: you need to embrace AMBITION.

O, ambition! What highs! I remember in my late 20s working a full-time advertising job then coming home and joyfully working a number of assorted freelance jobs. I loved it! (My then-boyfriend hated it!) I was productive! I was building a portfolio! The future! and! amount! of! work! was! limitless!

But now I’m TIRED. Thinking about work makes me TIRED. Just seeing my phone display “January” made me TIRED. Last year when I had a temporary full-time gig, with a 1.5-hour daily commute, I got home and ate take-out sushi with 13 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy and ignored my freelance work and fell the fuck ASLEEP.

And still, despite a lack of energy (vitamin B and heme iron be damned), I feel guilty every minute of the day before 10pm that I’m not working on something. Even if all my client jobs are complete, I still feel like I should be taking advantage of that rare “free time” and work on a personal project (this post itself is a direct result of the joy/guilt from staying in on New Year’s Eve).

There’s the concept of a healthy work/life balance, but who has time for that? No minute can ever be wasted, because ambition is always perched on your shoulder whispering: you need to produce MORE THINGS; you need to work HERE, or teach THERE; you need to be on THIS WEBSITE, or THIS LIST, or in THIS GALLERY, or work with THIS STUDIO, and have THIS TITLE, or give THIS TALK… or you’re not really achieving success. Even if to outside eyes it might look like you’re doing pretty damn good, when you measure yourself next to your industry peers, you’re ultimately a smidgen above average, at best.

What’s sadly comforting is that achievement insecurity pervades almost everyone. A friend that I consider to be extremely successful (owning companies, property) once confided that their own family doesn’t see their achievements to be very worthwhile. Another friend, who puts so much work into running their own small business, is realizing the energy they’re pouring in is not resulting in a sustainable existence. Yet another friend, who seemed to have achieved the whole perfect job/house/marriage/dog combo, felt inadequate for having trouble conceiving.

So what if you’re not reaching the level of success you think you should have by now? Does yearning for more keep you moving forward, or just make you feel shitty? When do you abandon ambition? As my friend Amil Niazi recently commented on the Sheryl Sandberg concept of “leaning in”, when can we just give up and “lean out”?

What I’m realising is that what possibly makes the idea of abandoning success so difficult is that I, a single woman, don’t know what I’d replace it with. As 20-somethings unburdened with families to raise or households to maintain as earlier generations were, we were instead burdened by the freedom and expectation to become who we wanted as early as we could. And if we millennial women are not trying to live our most ambitiously fulfilling lives [on social media], do we even have an identity?!

If a woman chooses to forego ambition, there seems to be only one acceptable reason for that: motherhood. (She can have it all as well, but god forbid she have neither!) But I’m not sure I want that either, and so giving up success without starting a family means I will have to decide if I not only want to let myself but also society-at-large down.

Your 30s (ironically the decade that I’ve decided is about learning to not give a shit) seems to be the ultimate reality check; either you’ve already “made it”, or you need to embrace that you haven’t, probably aren’t going to, and are too damn tired to keep trying. Do we just need to give ourselves a break at this point? Re-evaluate our definition of success yet again, instead of abandoning it altogether? Maybe the better question is WHY I feel the need to measure my own success in the first place, when everyone’s definition is different anyways... someone’s definition might be having a baby and a white picket fence; mine should be managing to survive in New York without health insurance while self-employed.

Me, exemplifying the self-satisfaction that comes with writing about yourself on social media while simultaneously exhibiting how my apartment has been reorganized.

I was recently told by an older friend that your 40s is about learning to love yourself. So I guess I’ve got 4 more years of trying to “make it” before I can officially give up and force myself to be happy with (or at least acknowledge) what I’ve achieved thus far, and worry about nothing more. Looking forward to that menial office job and craft room in the sky!

Colophon sweater & socks: UNIQLO; toque: Army & Navy; sweatpants: Alternative Apparel; mug: some print-on-demand company; glasses: Steven Alan clearance; plants: IKEA & Home Depot; couchy thing & kitchen island: IKEA; stool: Target; status candle: Diptyque; filing cabinet: Walmart.com; wall poster: Grilli Type; everything nice: probably MoMA Design Store deep discount; caramel recipe: David Lebovitz; optional subtitle: “Or, How I Never Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hustle”; most horrifying thing I remember from a dream last night: Kylie Jenner; most stupefying thing to waste time image searching: Kylie Jenner’s teenage face transformation; best thing to snog as the clock strikes midnight when home alone on NYE: duty-free booze

#sunlight #ambition #success #succession #hbo #its a good show you should watch it #living my best life!

1 note · View note