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blingblong55 · 1 year

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Perception- 141 x M!Reader

Based on a request

M!Reader, angst, mentions of blood,

The Gulag was the government agency in charge of the Soviet network of forced labour camps

You are a well known member of Task Force 141. Although on field you are known for being the violent and viscous way you fight enemy soldiers, many on base don't really mind calling you names. In a way, you have become the freak of base. Ghost himself fears you at times, mainly because he has see you kill men with your bare hands and act as if it was nothing. He has seen the blood of the enemy dripping from your body and how you act as if it was normal. The team has so much respect for you though, they understand you are there for the mission, that you'd kill if it means to reach the goal.

Nothing really stands in your way when it comes to combat. But before you had become the man you are known as today, you were normal. A man of honour, never wanting to hurt anybody, no matter the circumstances.

----

What changed you, was 12 years ago, you were 2 years into your service when in a mission you were captured. Although the Soviet Union had fallen, Russia still held prisoners in infamous Gulag. You and a few of the other men who were also captured were tortured. Day and night was a living hell. The conditions were always horrible, men dying ever other hour due top weather and physical strength.

One night, you and three other men tried to escape, but because of a guard dog, you all failed. You fought back though, kicking, scratching and punching the guards. When one of the men saw you fight, he knew where they'd send you to next.

"глупый гребаный человек, думает, что может убежать от нас." a soldier spoke, some laughed as the other beat you senseless. They had broken your old self to the point that you just didn't care how you survived. For three hours straight every soldier that wanted to, would go and kick you, punch or even throw rocks at you.

Sometimes at night when you feel your most vulnerable, you feel for the cigar burns they left around your body. At times, you look in the mirror when you are shirtless, the deep scars that were scattered all over your body. Each touch took you back to the three years you were held in.

The winters were unbearable, at times, some of the men that would sustain injuries would die or have body parts be amputated. Others also died from hyperthermia, and somehow you survived the easy deaths.

On the night they sent you to a new part of the camp, they made sure to tattoo a symbol on your chest. A large skull a sword that pierced the top of it. All the prisoners were in cages, it ranged from the smallest of men to the biggest of all. You were well in your early 20's, so your shape was not so bad, even after all the days you spent without eating.

Once they clothed you properly, they threw you and a few other men into the fighting area/stage. Rich people watched from the stands as you all looked at them, you were all new. No one knew what the hell you were thrown in for.

Until you spotted the tools for fighting. And eerie sound came from speakers, the crowd clapped and cheered as soon as the prisoners started to fight each other. You, with some luck held a small dagger, a man much smaller than you sprinted to you, a sword on his hand.

If this was the way of getting out might as well fucking fight, you thought. You quickly dodged the man and soon stood behind him, you slashed his throat and took the sword from him. For hours on end, the smallest and even biggest of men fell to their demise. Blood was soaking the floor beneath you. Only 10 men survived from 50. You being lucky number 3.

And for many nights the routine was the same. Get beaten to sleep, trapped into a cage and wake up early, eat little to nothing and by sundown fight for your life.

In your time of fighting, you learned a few tricks, go for both weak and big. You did things you aren't proud to ever admit. You killed more men than any of the task force ever dared to do.

One night as you slept another prisoner escaped his cage, you woke up to being held by a knife at your throat.

"ты убил моего гребаного брата" the man spoke. (Translation: you killed my fucking brother)

"этот слабый ублюдок на это наткнулся" you answered coldly. (Translation: this weak bastard stumbled upon it)

"Я убью тебя" (Translation: I'll kill you)

"Нет, если я убью тебя первым" and thats when you grabbed the knife from him, stabbing him in the eye and then his throat. Before the guards came, you threw the night far from your cage and pretended to sleep. (Translation: Not if I kill you first)

----

You still have nightmares about it, but they aren't ever too bad. This mission that you were on though was a hard one. You and the rest of your team were captured. Price took the situation under control, trying to make negotiations with the enemy. In your years since being freed from the gulag, you hadn't spoke Russian or even heard it until tonight.

"Говорю тебе, сегодня вечером мы договоримся об этом, а завтра они проснутся мертвыми." the soldier said from the other room. (Translation: I'm telling you, we'll settle this tonight, and tomorrow they'll wake up dead.)

Your blood ran cold. Your breathing started to get out of control, you looked around the room, none of the other men knew what they had said. Gaz was the one who noticed your shift in behaviour, "Mate, whats wrong?" he whispered which caused all the other to look at you.

"I won't die, not by fucking Russians." your hands slowly shaking, you tried to steady your breathing, and thats when you realised you were back in a cage. You knew you were trapped, but it was as if you were young again, fighting every night for a spot to live.

"What does that mean?" Soap asked.

"Nothin'" you answered. You have to escape, you can't live like that anymore. You looked around the room and saw a poster, the same kind that was at every fight. You started to feel dizzy, and thats when Ghost noticed it, you were having a panic attack.

"Price, we have to get him out, now."

One look at Price understood why, Ghost shifted closer to you, he positioned himself in a way that would help him rub your back.

"s'alright mate, I won't let that shit happen twice." Ghost knew about what happened to you years ago, he accidentally found the files Laswell and you worked hard to bury. But not once did he push to know more, at times when you felt comfortable, you would open up, and he'd listen to the stories of those days.

But you couldn't listen, you didn't really understand the words that came out of his mouth when he tried to reassure you. Your hands digging at your skin, trying to feel your skin brought some good.

"Gaz, you untie me, and I'll untie you." Price ordered, soon the two men were up. They untied Soap, who untied Ghost. And he knew you best, so he opted to untie you once the Russians were taken down.

And once your eyes met Price, Ghost and Gaz untied you, Soap holding close as they all comforted you. Your breathing was starting to go back to normal. But still, the memories and the horror that place brought you were no fun.

The constant nights where you wished to just end your life, that maybe I'd be best if you die by your own hands and not by someone else's, especially not in front of the all the wealthy people who would watch the fight as if it was a sport.

The memories will forever stick to you and the regret you carry is who makes you the soldier you are today.

-----

A/N: I wanted this to be longer, but my ideas ran out, sorry

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Tags: @xweirdo101x

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thedrunkenreadersreviews · 8 months

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Regarding Alastor's Hallway Scene in Episode 5 of "Hazbin Hotel"

Good day, folks! As sweet Mimzy said, "...pour a few fingers of rye and he turns into a kitten" so let's do that. Let me set up my Redemption, and let's get into this.

*Sip, sip*

Now, this is quite an interesting thing; the phenomenon of the reactions I have been seeing particularly regarding Alastor in episode 5 of Hazbin Hotel has been ... curiouser and curiouser.

*Sip, sip*

The big question that I think we should be asking after this episode is who Alastor is leashed to---but there seems to be something else on people's minds and that is the interaction Alastor had with Husk in the hallway of the hotel. I mean, every great character needs an epic hallway scene. For Star Wars it was Vader and Luke. For Hazbin, it is Alastor. Let's explore this.

*Sip, sip*

As a society, feasting on entertainment, whether it be through books or films or a series, fans often say that they enjoy the "villain" or "morally grey" character as opposed to those who are set on their compass of goodness. I find this to be a lie that we often tell ourselves and believe completely.

Sure, we find them more entertaining and thus we favor them, but then we try to find excuses for their behavior, make it a despicable act that is done for righteous reasons. Or because we desire to see someone who is tremendously struggling or has a rather horrid reputation overcome this and prove to be a fantastic character underneath all the layers of darkness. We don't like them because they are bad. We may pity them for they often have the most tragic backstories, or we see the potential of their goodness. But we like them because we believe that everyone in their universe has the wrong perspective of their wickedness while we, outsiders looking in, see the potential of their heroics. What they can do despite everything.

That is not liking a character because they are the villain. That is liking a character because of why they are the villain and how they can overcome it.

A few examples:

Rhysand dressing Feyre up like a whore and tattooing her without her consent: well, he was doing that to protect her and help her.

Darth Vader: Mass murderer and second in command of an empire built on absolute control; but he fulfilled the prophecy of the Chosen One and had originally fallen because he wanted to save the love of his life and his unborn children.

Loki: Yeah, he slaughtered 80 people in 2 days, attacked NYC with an alien army killing hundreds if not thousands in the process, and committed genocide prior to that, BUT that's because he was severely broken and now he sits all alone at the end of time, saving an infinite amount of people.

Granted, I love 2/3 of those characters because of the reasons provided. But also because in their prime they were WICKED!

*Sip, sip*

Now let's look at Alastor.

Alastor, the Radio Demon, and one of the most feared overlords of Hell ... threatened one of the souls he owns. And now, I see people comparing him to Val or saying they hated him at that moment or now have a poor taste for him in their mouths. But ... this is exactly what you asked for from him.

*Sip, sip*

Val, who ACTIVELY tortures Angel Dust, is being used as the comparison for Alastor because he THREATENED and scared Husk after Husk stepped over the line.

*Sip, sip*

Alastor, when alive, was a serial killer. Alastor in Hell captured overlords, tortured them, broadcasted the torture throughout Hell, and became one of the most feared overlords.

He didn't do that by being "nice" or "charming." He did that by being vile and not for a greater good. He did it because, as far as we know, he wanted power. And, damn, he got it.

Demons KNOW to be afraid of Alastor. Granted, his reputation may have faltered because he has been away for 7 years but before his departure and even upon his return, for the most part, demons avoid Alastor as though he were death incarnate.

*Sip, sip*

Now, let's examine him in episode 5. Only the scene that is getting the most traction; I'll talk about Alastor and Lucifer in another post. But let's look at this scene:

Alastor and Husk in the hallway.

*Sip, sip*

Let me put some quotes here real quick:

From the Pilot:

Husk to Alastor: "Don't you [Alastor, the owner of my soul] 'Husker' me, you son of a bitch!"

Husk to Alastor: "Are you [Alastor, the owner of my soul] shitting me?"

Husk to Alastor: "You [Alastor, owner of my soul whom I have just shoved off of me] think it must be some big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I'm some kind of fucking clown? [even though I am contractually obligated to obey your summons]"

Husk to Alastor: "I [the one contracted to serve you and obey your commands] ain't doing no fucking charity job [even though you told me by your order that I have to]."

Alastor to Husk: "Don't worry my friend [you, who sold your soul to me so that you could keep your power because you almost gambled it all away], I can make this more welcoming [providing you with something that you enjoy even though you are contractually obligated to obey my commands without payment/reward], if you wish."

From episode 5:

Alastor to Husk: "It's nothing I can't handle, don't worry, Husker. [Proceeds to walk away, leaving the conversation] Who in their right mind would cross me? [Continues to walk away, posing the question as rhetorical and not requiring an answer]."

Husk to Alastor: "... You've been gone a while. And it's not like anybody knows why---"

Alastor to Husk: "They don't need to know. [And it does not need to be discussed further, so leave it alone.] And don't you worry your fuzzy head about it. [Drop it. Drop it now. Don't pick it up]"

Husk to Alastor: "You may own my soul, but I ain't your fucking pet!"

[Personally, I think Val would have instantly backhanded AD for that alone.]

Alastor to Husk: "Hmhm. But you are [So stop talking, just let it go, I'm letting a lot slide here]."

Husk to Alastor [the owner of his soul, who has slaughtered overlords of Hell]: "Big talk for someone who is also on a leash."

Alastor to Husk: "Aha. What did you say? [Now you have tested my patience too much!]"

*Sip, sip*

In the pilot, Husk openly and without fear insults and cusses at Alastor. And what does Alastor, the owner of his soul, do? He lets it slide.

In the one scene between them in the hallway, Alastor essentially still does nothing even though it is evident that Husk struck a nerve. At least twice over in this scene alone, Alastor gives subtle hints to Husk that it is best he just stops. And it is not like he even dismisses Husk's worries about Mimzy or even his absence. It's more along the lines of, "Oh, I know she is in trouble and came here for me to clean up her mess, but I am a bit occupied at the moment dealing with the actual King of Hell, so I'll get to it when I get to it. Just keep her busy for now." And in regards to his absence, he makes it abundantly clear that Husk is better off just not mentioning anything about it. He cuts Husk off, and essentially says, "Look, just keep quiet about it. It's no one's business but mine and I'm fine, I can handle it, so let's just leave it alone."

All the talk people say of Alastor having a big ego, oh undoubtedly, but it makes sense why Husk is in pride in this one scene alone. Alastor tells him "let it go," and moves to walk away from the conversation.

But Husk pushes. And pushes. And on that final shove, I think Husk even knows before Alastor got mad that he went TOO far.

*Sip, sip*

And Alastor still, for the most part, does nothing.

He reminds Husker that he owns his soul, pulls on the chain just to knock Husker off-kilter, and then, rather demonically, tells Husk to not EVER mention the fact that he is leashed again. Honestly, with what Alastor COULD do to Husk ... that was letting him off SUPER easy. Like, Husk should be kissing his feet that that threat was the only punishment he received for that comment.

Val? Forget it. AD would probably be filming for 3 days straight. Alastor doesn't even touch Husk.

This move is also a sense of security for Alastor, I think. Husk probably thought this was just another comment that would result in Alastor just ignoring it. But it takes Alastor by surprise and destroys his comfort. He loses himself in a fit of fury and pulls on Husk's leash to remind both Husk and himself, "Yeah, I might be leashed but I still own YOUR soul, Husk! So do not test me!"

*sip, sip*

So, yeah, Husk gets scared, as he should. Alastor is terrifying.

Should this lessen our opinion of Alastor as it seems to have done with so many fans?

No. Absolutely not. If anything, this scene provides balance to that paradox I supplied earlier; how we like the evil characters because of the good they could do but we should also like them because they are evil and should be expected to do evil things.

Alastor IS evil. He owns Husk's soul.

And yet, this evil overlord allows Husk to get away with soooo much. And when Husk oversteps, as he absolutely did, to not even be smacked by Alastor speaks volumes of Alastor's opinion of Husk.

*Sip, sip*

Here is my speculation:

Husk obviously knows more about Alastor than most. But Alastor owns hundreds if not thousands of souls. Husk is someone he calls on often, obviously. Husk knows Alastor is leashed. Faustisse, a former employee of Spindle Horse, and one of the original teammates beside Viv for the Hazbin project said that Alastor regards Husk as one of his closest friends. Perhaps not friend, but maybe one of his closest confidants. Why else would Husk know that Alastor is leashed? Granted, we cannot tell from the dialogue if Husk knows where Alastor was for 7 years or even if he knows who Alastor is leashed to. To some extent, though, Alastor must trust Husk.

In this scene, Husk violates that trust. He deserved to be threatened, reminded, and terrified. I adore Husk. He is one of my favorite characters and when I saw the hallway scene, I thought Husk deserved way worse than what he got.

And Alastor still takes what Husk had to say about Mimzy into consideration. He still tells Mimzy, a friend he has had since he was alive, that she needs to leave.

*sip, sip*

Yes, Alastor is evil. And it is soooooo good to see him BE evil. And not for a good cause but just because someone got under his skin. He owns Husk and he lets Husk off very easy. So to see him lose his temper and not even physically hurt Husk allows the nugget of possible, minuscule glimmer of somewhat kindness to linger.

I loved the hallway scene. It did a fantastic job of showing us what Alastor COULD be if he really wanted to, why you shouldn't mess with him, and how he elicits fear.

Val lords over his souls through physical abuse. Alastor does it mentally when called for. They are two totally different overlords with really no comparison to be made between them save for this: they are both evil.

*Sip, sip*

Alastor ate in episode 5 and left no crumbs. He remains, quite possibly, the most interesting character in the show. I cannot wait to discover more of him and watch him be absolutely wicked towards others.

Cheers to you, Radio Demon. If I were in Hell and had to be leashed to anyone, I would want to be leashed to you.

*Sip, sip*

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin alastor #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin valentino #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel episode 5 #hazbin hotel pilot

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aftgficrec · 11 months

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ah I'm so excited you're open!!! thank you for the ridiculous amount of work you all do 🙏ok, this might be too specific but any fics with an alternate take on Andrew and Neil's post-trk reunion? Andrew gets out of easthaven early, Neil leaves the Nest later, AU's, etc.? i think it's a really interesting point in their dynamic, and I'm a sucker for sober Andrew realizing someone was watching his back for once

Feeling a bit like a Bernie Sanders’ meme – ‘I am once again asking myself why I spent so much time on an ask,’ 😅 but it's because this is such an iconic and beloved scene for our fandom. For a super fun ‘live’ first-time reader reaction to this high drama, check out ‘The King’s Men, Chapter 1 – Hello Foxhole, My Old Friend’ by @nickireadstfc here. -A

also see

Andrew's POV of throwing keys off roof here

‘Come and Save Me From It’ here (completed)

‘Learning To Feel (When You've Forgotten How)’ and the fandom meta posts here

‘pipedream’ here

‘reaching for the heights’ here

‘Lost boy’ and ‘[Un]broken’ here

‘I Know You From A Nightmare,’ ‘The Marks We Make,’ and ‘Draw Me Out, Mark Me In’ here

‘Marked’ and ‘Soulmates who can feel each other’s pain’ here

‘Of Stars and Stories’ here

‘What’s normal now?’ here

long previous recs with reunion mention

‘No More Fucks To Give’ here (updated)

‘The Sphynx and the Hare’ here (completed)

‘corvus, vulpes, lupus’ here

‘never fallen (from quite this high)’ here

‘Not a Pipe Dream’ here

‘everything and nothing begins with you’ here

Andrew gets sober, Neil stays at Evermore

‘Oh Raven,’ ‘Jailbird,’ and ‘Take to the Wing’ here

‘Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die)’ here

‘Comeback’ here

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Andrew is trapped in Easthaven with an eidetic memory and tries to focus his thoughts on the confusing image of Neil Josten's face. -Because however terrible it may look, Andrew's current circumstances are much less pleasant. Furthermore Bee has been making him sing and play the guitar in a very therapeutic attempt to make him express some sort of actual emotion over the past year.

tw: violent imagery

You Gave Me A Key And Called It Home by glintchi [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2019]

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tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: body horror, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: flashbacks, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: drug addiction, tw: withdrawal, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: ptsd, tw: emotional abuse, tw: hallucinations

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Dead Birds by Noah98 [Rated G, 1601 Words, Complete, 2021, Locked]

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Art

NB: just a sampling of art for this scene

“Feel Again” original song by @whatbutandreil [Tumblr, 2020]

Picking up Andrew from Easthaven part 1, part 2 comic by @coldcigarettes

andreil keys off the roof scene: animation by @hahanken | comic by @rainbowd00dles | comic by @lunapiq | art by @esklinray

I hate you comic by @thematicallycoherent

I’m not a hallucination art by @clumsyartish

Stick around long enough to figure it out for yourself. edit by @m1nyards

You are a pipe dream art by @viennemort

“you spend all this time watching our backs” edit by @matthcwboyd

not a hallucination a pipe dream art by @kryptidfox

“you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.” art by @planetmontressor

"Go inside and leave me alone." art by @dimsunstuff

“No, you’re a pipe dream.” art by @starkingdraws

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miguelswifey04 · 1 year

Note

I love your atsv writing sm! I was wondering if you could do a miguel and reader fic where the reader gets injured on a mission but tries to hide it and eventually he finds out of course :)

of course love <33 lil angsty & lil fluffy js the way i like it :3

miguel o’hara x injured! spidey! reader

you moaned in pain as your back had a deep gash—you accidentally fell onto your back and while you landed there was a piece of metal lying on the floor. the pain shot all over your body as you bit back a scream of agony. you wondered if you had broken your back but luckily you didn’t. with the strength you had left you slowly got onto your feet as you held a hand on your back for support. sure, you were wobbly and felt nauseated from the impact of you back hitting the floor but gwen and miles needed you to back them up.

you quickly went to help them, and miraculously enough you guys were able to defeat a lowly opponent. you were mad at yourself that you had accidentally fallen…and at what cost when now you guys are going back to nueva york 928 as the mission was successful.

you were in terrible pain as you sweated bullets from burning sensations that ripped across your aching body. you bit you lower lip, even chewing it a bit, to help you distract yourself from the agonizing pain. gwen, miles, and you presented yourself in front of miguel in the control room as you went over the details of the task and how you all were able to take down the villain. miguel nodded at the three of you at the good job that you all did. you notice miguel’s gaze fell upon you as you tried your best to hide the immense pain you were being tortured with. you were leaning a bit forward, and your hairs were sticking to your face—you looked pale.

“gwen and miles, you’re dismissed. you, stay.” miles and gwen left as they waved at you and left towards the exit of the control room as you heard the door close behind him. miguel’s hands were on his hips as he treaded towards you. his towering stature engulfed yours as you craned you neck up at him. miguel took a look at your face and could see you were dying of pain.

“you look sick. are you sure you’re—”

“yes miguel! i’m fine. don’t worry about me.”

you let out a hearty laugh as you desperately tried to swallow but the pain was unbearable. how could you lie to miguel that you were just fine? you weren’t fine and miguel knew that. he knew you were lying but he waited to see if you would give it up and just tell him you were injured. was it a pride thing? no. was it because you didn’t want miguel to worry about? yes. you hated when he had to be the one rescuing you or offering to help you. you always hated when you needed someone’s help because you felt as if it made you weak. you wanted to prove to yourself that you were strong enough to do everything that you could. but, even the most strongest people ask for help.

he sighed as he leaned in closer to your face, “Y/N, i know you’re lying to me—you don’t look so good.” he picks up on subtle changes in your behavior, sensing your discomfort or witnessing moments when you are more guarded than usual. concerned for your well-being, he gently prods and asks if anything is wrong, sensing that you may be hiding something important from him. you kept brushing it off again and again. it annoyed him that you were lying to him and he knew you were hurt. he went behind your back and took a look at blood seeping through your suit.

“my god, Y/N—you’re bleeding..” he immediately picked you up and placed you on a chair as he open the back of your suit. the cold air nipped at your back as you groaned in pain.

“i’m-sorry i just didn’t want you to think i was weak.”

“none sense! you’re the strongest person i know, now relax i got you.”

with a gentle touch, miguel assists you in tending to your injury. he carefully cleans the wound, ensuring that it is free from dirt and debris that could lead to infection. his hands are steady and precise as he handles the necessary medical supplies, his focus solely on aiding your recovery.

as he works, miguel speaks softly, offering words of comfort and reassurance. he understands the pain you're experiencing and does his best to alleviate it with his comforting presence and gentle demeanor. his actions are filled with care and delicate consideration, ensuring that you feel safe and supported throughout the process.

miguel’s dedication and tenderness are palpable as he bandages the wound, skillfully securing it to promote healing. he maintains a close eye on your well-being, checking for any signs of complications and encouraging you to rest, reminding you of the importance of taking time to recover.

soon after he got you all cleaned up…you feel so much better, despite the fact that the pain is there just lessened. miguel sits next to you as he places a hand on top of your shoulder giving it a light squeeze. “please, don’t ever hide something like this from me again. understood?”

“yes—“

“you mean so much to me i don’t want anything bad happening to you. i can’t lose someone like you.”

#spiderman atsv #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel o'hara #atsv x reader #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel spiderman #spider person #miguel o’hara x y/n #spidersona #miguel o’hara x injured! reader #🌱 lin writes #lin’s asks #♡´･ᴗ･`♡ lin answers

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yeonjunsbxtch · 2 years

Text

No Peace - Choi Soobin

genre: angst, smut, slight fluff

summary: You have been having a hard time with your breakup with Soobin. You felt like you were going crazy to the point where you would imagine him with you. Until one night, you broke and called him, asking for closure.

Warnings: Breakups, heartache, passionate sex, dry humping, kissing, overstimulation, swear words, pet names, alcohol consumption, unprotective sex, mental health, slight restraint, cockwarming at the end - Minors DNI

Song Inspo

pairing: soobin x fem!reader

word count: 6k+ (i'm so sorry)

You gazed into the mirror at yourself. Mascara was running down your face as you saw Soobin standing behind you, smiling. His bunny smile was more magical than ever. His lilac colored hair shone under the fluorescent lights of the bathroom so perfectly. His hypnotizing brown eyes glistened brighter than the north star. You swallowed hard as more tears escaped your eyes.

‘How can I be crying when the love of my life is right behind me?'

"I love you."

You shut your eyes as his soft voice rang through your ears like your favorite song.

You quickly spun around to reach out to him.

Only to find yourself grasping the air.

'Oh right, I was imagining that.'

Your chest started to burn as you collapsed onto your knees, feeling as if you had been punched in the stomach. You could feel your lips trembling as you sobbed on the bathroom floor. At this point, you lost track of how many times you've fallen onto the floor in tears.

You felt stupid for trying to pretend he was there with you but it seemed to be the only way you could cope. Yet recently, you couldn't tell if it was helping you or making you go even more crazy.

It has been 3 months since you and Soobin broke up but it stung like it was just yesterday. You see him in everything you do and everything around you reminded you of him. You always found yourself taking second glances at almost everyone around you, thinking it's him at first glance. His favorite song seems to play at the most random times. You felt like you were going insane, especially because sometimes it seemed like you could still smell him. At this point, you were convinced that heart break was just another form of torture. But it was worth it when you thought about the last thing he said to you.

"We can't be together, at least not right now."

Those words played over and over again in your head like a broken record. Those words held so much meaning within them that you couldn't let go of. They were the flimsy piece of wood that was just barely holding open the window of hope that Soobin would come back to you. But you knew that would never happen. Your relationship with him had come to a point where it seemed impossible to fix. He was probably just trying to let you down easy with those words. But still, you thought about those words every second of every day.

It was now 1 in the morning and there you were, still lying on the bathroom floor. 'How long am I going to let myself feel like this?' You thought to yourself. Three months had passed and you still find yourself lying on the bathroom floor in tears with alcohol flowing through your veins. You knew you needed to let this go. Let him go. But how?

You glanced over at your phone that was lying right beside you on the floor. You had promised yourself and your friends that you would not contact him. And you've been good about that. But another thought suddenly crossed your mind.

'I need closure.'

Closure.

That was what you needed. And it's what you never got. Soobin left you with the thought of getting back together eventually. And without that closure, there's no sleep, no relief, and no peace. When he left you, it felt like he had taken a piece of you with him. And you needed that piece of you back.

You reached out and grabbed your phone. You unlocked it and opened your contacts. Your heart started to ache as your thumb hovered over his name.

Soobinnie 💗

Yes, you kept it the same. You never changed it. How could you?

You were hesitant to press it, afraid of what he will say or if he will even answer at all. You didn't want to wake him in case he was sleeping but you knew you wouldn't be able to have this courage again.

So you pressed on his name. You've got nothing to lose at this point.

You slowly put your phone up to your ear. Your whole body started to shake as the line rang. A nauseating sensation came over you as the ringing continued. It felt like it was never ending. You figured it was useless, that he was probably asleep or would just ignore your call.

Then suddenly, you heard his voice.

"Hello?"

His voice was low and muffled, as if he had just woken up from a deep sleep. You questioned if he even knew it was you.

"Soobin?" You choked out his name. Your throat burning like you had just taken a shot of strong vodka.

"Y/N?" You felt two tears fall down your face as you heard your name roll off his tongue and through the phone to you. At this point, you were speechless. You really weren't expecting him to answer your call.

So what do you say now? Do you ask him to talk? Do you ask him about his last words to you or if he has re-thought your relationship?

But then you suddenly realized it was your own self who you had to ask a question to. What exactly would give you closure?

"Y/N, are you there?"

Hearing your name again pulled you out of your thoughts. You took a deep breath before speaking to him again.

"Can you come over?"

Those words spilled out of your mouth without a second thought. And the weird thing was, you didn't regret them. You knew it was what you needed. You knew you just needed to talk to him, face to face. You swore you could hear your heart pounding with how quiet it got. Soobin was on the other end, so quiet as he thought your question through.

"Y/N.. I don't think that's a good idea."

He spoke softly. Your stomach started to turn again as you heard those words. But you weren't going to give up.

"Soobin please.. I just need to talk to you."

"We're talking right now."

You were taken back by his sudden response, attitude pronounced in his voice. You knew he just needed to understand that you weren't trying to convince him to come back to you. You just needed to have one more real conversation with him.

And to see his face one more time.

"No I mean face to face. I'm not trying to win you back. I just need to talk to you and get some closure because it feels like I'm going insane."

Silence was heard again for a moment.

"So you want me to come over right now?"

"Yes."

"Okay.. I'll be over in 15 minutes."

So there you were, pacing back and forth in your living room. You were growing impatient as you saw that 15 minutes had gone by and Soobin still hadn't showed up. Did he decide not to come over? Did he just want to lead you on? You were stuck in your own brain at this point and you couldn't get out. You were tempted to take another shot of alcohol to calm yourself but you didn't want him to smell it on you. Not that you were expecting to get that close to him. You just wanted to talk.

Do you call him to make sure he was still coming over?

Or would that make you look too desperate?

And suddenly it was like fate. Right as you were about to grab your phone to call Soobin, that's when you heard that familiar knock sequence.

For a brief moment, you felt calm. Hearing him knock the same way he used to made you feel the most normal you've felt in a while. But you knew you couldn't afford to feel like that. Because you knew it was over and tonight was meant for closure and closure only.

But the calmness didn't last long when you realized what was happening. You started to second guess this. Maybe you shouldn't have invited him over. You didn't think about the possibility of falling back in love with him. Not that you ever fell out of love with him.

Soobin suddenly knocked again and you knew you had to quickly compose yourself. You walked over to the door, legs feeling like jello. You took a deep breath as you grasped the door knob. You knew there was no backing out now. It was like ripping off a band aid. You just had to open the door. Don't think about it, just do it.

So you did. You felt the chilly December air hit you as you kept your eyes down, afraid of making eye contact with him.

"Hi."

He spoke, trying to get your attention. Your eyes slowly traveled up his body, noticing he was still in his pajamas. He wore his grey sweatpants which you loved so much with his black v neck and a puffy coat. You swallowed hard as you looked up at him. Your eyes widened and your jaw slightly dropped when you noticed his hair was... black. He no longer had the lilac colored hair that you loved and remembered. But you couldn't deny that he looked even more breath taking than ever.

"Hi.." You managed to spit out. Soobin stood there with a half smile, showing one of his dimples. Memories of you kissing his dimples and telling him how cute they were flashed into your head and this was when you knew that this truly may have been a mistake.

"Can I come in? It's really cold."

"Oh yeah, come in.."

You moved to the side, letting Soobin make his way into your house. You watched him as he took off his shoes and coat. Your heart ached as you saw him put them exactly where he used to. He walked over to the couch and sat down. It was silent at first. You had no idea how to talk to him. You even kind of forgot what you needed to talk to him about. You knew you needed closure but you had no idea what that consisted of.

"So.. what did you want to talk about?" He leaned back into the couch and crossed his arms. He was staring at you with narrow eyes. You could tell he was putting up a front. You could tell he did not want to be here. And you felt bad.

"I-I don't know." you stuttered out.

"So you woke me up at 1am and asked me to come over to talk about nothing?" Annoyance was growing in his voice. You quickly shook your head.

"No I wanted to talk to you.. I'm just having trouble gathering my thoughts."

"You should have gathered them before I got here."

"I'm sorry.." You didn't know what else to say. You fiddled with your fingers as you looked around the room, avoiding all eye contact with Soobin. You could still feel him staring you down. He then let out a deep sigh.

"You said you needed to talk because you needed closure." His voice sounded a bit calmer now. He always knew you were sensitive. So he knew that this wasn't easy for you. You finally made eye contact with him again, seeing his eyes looked softer now. You nodded your head. "So.. what would help you with that?"

You thought about that question for a second, not knowing exactly what would bring you closure. You knew you weren't the best girlfriend to him. You made a lot of mistakes. So you knew you needed to start by apologizing for everything.

"Tell me everything I did wrong." You blurted out. Soobin gave you a confused look.

"Why?"

"I just need to know everything I did wrong.. please."

Soobin let out a deep breath as he looked around the room, trying to think.

"Y/N, it wasn't anything specific that you did wrong. I just felt like you needed more than I could offer."

You were taken back by Soobin's response. Why has he never told you this before?

"Wait what? What do you mean?"

"I know you were depressed and anxious a lot. You would get upset at me for a lot of things, even small things, and I felt helpless. I wanted to help you but I always felt like everything I did and said was wrong. I couldn't do anything right and I just felt like you could find someone better who could make you happy. So if anything, I was the one doing everything wrong."

Your heart broke all over again and you were holding back tears at this point. You stared at Soobin who was staring down at his feet.

"Soobin.. That's not true."

"I've told you before that I haven't felt good enough for you. That I felt like I never did enough for you. We'd be having a good day and then suddenly you would be upset with me about something, and you would never tell me what I did wrong or what was wrong in general. Then I was left wondering what happened. I would replay back every moment of the day trying to figure out if it was something I did or said that made you so upset."

"Soobin that's not it.."

"I just felt like when you would randomly get upset at me for god knows what, all the good things I have done for you and said to you, got canceled out and didn't matter anymore. And it hurt Y/N. It hurt a lot. It destroyed me so much that.. I just couldn't do it anymore."

You sat there silent. You recalled back to when Soobin had mentioned he didn't feel like he was enough for you. When he mentioned that he felt like nothing he could do or say would ever make you happy. And each time, you assured him that it wasn't him making you feel that way. But you also didn't do anything to make him feel or think otherwise.

You knew you weren't a perfect girlfriend, but you didn't know how much of a shitty girlfriend you were until now.

"I'm sorry..." is all you could say. All you could do was admit defeat. You were seeing everything differently now and you realized that you've been victimizing yourself for three months straight when in reality, you were the killer.

"I've tried to tell you this before but.. you never listened." Soobin's voice cracked and a single tear rolled down his face. Seeing Soobin cry was rare. He never liked crying in front of anyone. So seeing him wipe a tear from his cheek was enough to make your heart completely shatter.

You did this to him.

You broke him.

And the worst part was that it was preventable, if you had only listened to him.

"You're right. I-I don't know why I'm realizing all of this now. Here I've been crying every single day for months, getting drunk and pretending you're still with me just to try to cope when you're the one who needed the saving."

You ran your fingers through your hair, frustrated that you ever made him feel that way.

"You've been getting drunk?" Soobin asks.

You looked at him weirdly, why is that the thing he's focusing on?

"Yeah.. Why?"

"Does that mean you have some alcohol I can have? Or did you drink it all already?" The side of his mouth tugged up a bit, forming the slightest half smile. Your eyes started to water even more. You broke this guy and he is still trying to make jokes with you. You slowly nodded and got up to grab him and yourself a soju from the fridge.

You handed him the bottle and sat back down. You slowly opened your drink as you watched him chug half of his in 3 seconds. This confused you as you didn't want him to be stuck at your house for the night, especially since you knew he didn't even want to be here in the first place.

"Woah there, don't you need to drive home?" You asked, ready to take away the bottle.

"Yeah, we'll see."

And there it was again. Him cracking that window of opportunity open just a little bit more. Soobin looked at you once again as he took another chug of the strong drink. You took a chug of yours along with him. Bringing back that drunkenness that had worn off not too long ago. He then continued the conversation.

"So in conclusion to what I had said before, you didn't do anything wrong. I just felt like I wasn't able to give you what you needed especially when it came to your mental health."

You shook your head at him.

"No Soobin, that is what I did wrong. I didn't treat you right. I took my insecurities and my mental health out on you and that wasn't fair to you. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner and I sure as hell don't know why I didn't listen to you when you tried telling me these things before. Most of the time, I didn't even know what was wrong. I would just randomly get upset and when you would ask me what was wrong.. I wouldn't tell you because I didn't even know myself. I know that's not an excuse, none of this is an excuse. It's just an explanation. I was just as frustrated with myself as you were. I didn't want to be like that. I never wanted to hurt you like I did. But I was being selfish, I know. You didn't deserve any of that and if I could go back and change everything, I would. In a heart beat."

You looked at him as tears flooded out of your eyes. He gazed back at you, knowing how deeply you regretted everything. His heart ached as well, hearing the words that came out of you. You didn't know it yet, but Soobin needed this as much as you did.

You watched Soobin as he wiped more tears from his eyes as well. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Y/N, this is all I ever wanted, an explanation and a look into your mind. All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me and be vulnerable." Soobin quickly finished off his bottle of soju to try and keep himself from crying more. You took this opportunity to also finish yours. He then got up and went to your fridge, grabbing two more bottles for both of you.

Your heart jumped as he sat back down, sitting down a bit closer to you than before. You got a sudden whiff of his cologne, the same cologne he always used to wear. The same cologne you would smell randomly during the three months you two were apart.

"I'm sorry Soobin, I really am."

"I know." He said sincerely.

"I'm also sorry I woke you up for this, I don't know what I was thinking."

Soobin took another chug of his soju before he scooched a little closer to you. You felt your heart skip once again. He then took ahold of your hand and held it in his lap.

"I'm actually glad you did."

You turned to look at him, surprised to hear him say that.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't been going a little crazy as well. I feel like there were a lot of things left unsaid to each other that day and I also needed the.. uh.. closure."

You then remembered exactly why you two were having this conversation. Closure. But during these three months, you always held onto the hope that you two would get back together. But that was when you were stuck in your own narrative. Knowing what you know now, you knew that you had to shut the window for good. But not for your sake, but for Soobin's.

"Well, then I'm glad I did. This whole time, I kept repeating in my mind the last thing you said to me. When you said that we couldn't be together, at least not at that time. I really just needed to know that getting back together wasn't an option because that's what has been driving me crazy and preventing me from moving on."

You felt his grip on your hand loosen and you swore you could see his face slightly sulk.

"Oh, right. I mean, I wasn't just saying that.. I meant it."

You were finally hearing everything you've been wanting to hear for months, yet it didn't bring you the joy you thought it would. You knew deep down that you weren't good for him. Your mental health issues haven't gone away and there was no way you were going to risk putting him through all of that again. But now he was the one who had that longing look in his eyes. You swallowed hard, knowing what you had to do.

"I know, but I really can't risk hurting you like that again. I don't know when I will be able to get the help that I need and I really think it would be best to go our separate ways, for real this time."

You couldn't believe what you were saying and you could see his eyes start to slightly water again. He struggled to make the slightest smile as he nodded, understanding what you were saying. Even if it's not what he wanted to hear.

You kept your eyes on him as he stood up, seeming like he was going to get ready to leave. He stumbled a bit when trying to walk to the door.

"Woah Soobin" You quickly got up and went over to him, trying to keep yourself from stumbling as well. You gently grabbed his arm and guided him back to the couch. "You really shouldn't drive home. We drank a lot and you drank more than me. So if I'm tipsy then I know you're definitely drunk."

He let out a deep breath and nodded, sinking into the couch.

"You're right, I didn't realize how hard the alcohol hit me until I stood up. Can I sleep on the couch?"

You couldn't lie and say that you didn't want to cuddle him one more time. Wake up to him one more time. Just sleep next to him one more time.

"Well if you want, you can sleep in my bed with me. I would like to sleep next to you one more time but don't worry, that's all I want to do."

Soobin looked at you once again and smiled, this time you could tell it was a genuine one.

"I would like that."

And with that, you and Soobin stumbled up to your room. Luckily, you two were both already in your pajamas. You got to your room and closed the door. Soobin looked around your room, noticing all the things that stayed the same and all the things that have changed. He noticed every single empty bottle of liquor in your room that you used to cope. He also noticed the framed picture of the two of you that you kept on your nightstand. It hurt him to know that you'll probably be getting rid of it when he leaves tomorrow.

You noticed him looking at the picture of the two of you on your nightstand. You were about to make a joke about it before you saw the look on his face. So instead, you hopped into bed and gently patted the spot next to you. He climbed into his usual spot and turned off the light next to your bed.

"Goodnight Soobin."

"Goodnight Y/N"

You slowly turned away from him. All you wanted to do was hold him but you didn't want to hurt him even more. You wished that the two of you would work. You wanted nothing more than to have him next to you every single night once more. To be snuggled up in his strong embrace and having his comforting scent surround you as you drift off to a perfect sleep. But you knew you wouldn't be able to treat him the way he deserved. He shouldn't have to wait for you to get better when there is someone out there that you know would treat him good from the start.

You hadn't felt Soobin move since he got into bed, which made you think he passed out. So you continued to stare at the wall, wondering if you had made the right decision. Either way, you couldn't go back now. You knew you had to stick to what you said. You finally closed your eyes, coming to terms with the fact that this was it.

You suddenly felt Soobin shift a little bit next to you. You then instantly felt the warmth of his chest radiate onto your back as he slowly snaked his arm around you. A sense of peace washed over you, as his beautiful scent surrounded you once more. Your breath halted for a second as you felt his heart beat at a quick pace. You let yourself relax into him. It was now obvious to the both of you that the two of you were still wide awake. The tension in the room grew stronger as you felt his hand gently rest on your lower abdomen. A tingling sensation shot through your core. He must have felt the way you shuddered, feeling his cold hand touch the skin where your shirt was conveniently riding up. His breath shuddered against your neck. You knew this wasn't good for either of you but your drunken mind thought otherwise.

You slowly moved your hand down, resting it gently on top of his. This was all Soobin needed to know that you were reciprocating. He knew you well enough to know the ways you react to his advances.

"Y/N.." Soobin breathed out. The sudden exhale on your neck sent shivers down your body, becoming hot as you heard your name escape his lips.

"Hm?" Is all you could get out. You were slightly embarrassed as it came out as more of a moan than anything. He dragged his hand slowly up to your neck, gently moving your hair to the side. His breath grew stronger against the back of your neck. You could feel his lips ever so slightly graze against your soft skin as his hand found its way back down to your abdomen, but this time, even lower.

Then suddenly, Soobin turned you over onto your back as he hovered over you. The room was dark. His face was barely visible as the only source of light was the moon shining perfectly into the room and onto him. You locked eyes with him as he was just centimeters away from you. His lust filled eyes darkened until they were as black as his hair.

"Soobi-"

He then cut you off, suddenly crashing his lips into yours. His kiss was heavy as his body pressed into yours. Your lips melted into his as you felt your hearts beat as one once again. Your hand made its way to the back of his head, tangling your fingers into his luscious hair as you pulled him even closer. Your lips parted slightly, allowing him to slip his tongue inside. Your body was on fire at this point but you pulled the blankets up even more, making you two feel even closer. You knew this was wrong, but that's what made it even more intense.

"I..I want you.. so bad Y/N.." He breathed in between his sloppy but passionate kisses.

"But Soobin.. what about.. what about earlier.."

He slipped his hands under your shirt, slowly feeling up the sides of your body.

"I don't care.. I just want you.. I want all of you.."

His lips left yours to travel down your jaw and neck. He made his way to the sweet spot on your neck that he knew all too well. You felt your hips buck up into him as he took a hold of your skin in between his teeth. You opened your legs more, allowing him to position himself more comfortably between them. He made his way back to your lips, crashing into them once again. Your hands traveled down his body, gripping onto him every time he grinded his hips into yours.

"Show me.. please.." You moaned into his mouth, making him fully thrust against you.

"Fuck.." He deeply groaned out. Hearing you beg underneath him drove him insane.

He quickly reached down and pulled down your pajama bottoms and underwear, still while keeping his lips on yours. You shuffled them all the way off and kicked them to the side. Soobin thrusted against you again, grinding his clothed dick against your bare clit. You moaned out, finally feeling the friction you needed. Your hands made their way to the waist band of his sweatpants and boxers. You forced them down the best you could before he shuffled his off as well.

You grabbed a hold of him, making him let out a small whimper. He then took a hold of both your hands and pinned them above you. He pulled back, staring down at you with dark and lust filled eyes. He didn't want to waste anymore time. The thought of using a condom neglected to cross either your minds. His mouth hung open as he stroked his dick against you before sliding into you. He watched as you knitted your eyebrows together feeling his cock stretch you out so perfectly. You couldn't help but let out a long moan, finally feeling his cock inside of you again. Your pussy clenched around him earning a low groan from him. As his hand kept yours pinned above you, he used his other hand to pull on your hair causing you to keep eye contact with him. He started to slowly thrust in and out of you, observing your every expression.

"Did you miss me Y/N? Hm? Tell me you missed me."

He thrusted harder into you, making it hard for you to form the words he was demanding from you.

"Fuck Soobin.. I missed you.. I missed you so fucking much.."

"Fuck.. I missed you too babygirl.."

Your stomach felt like it flipped upside down when you heard him call you babygirl. He continued to fuck you hard as he let go of your hands, taking his shirt off in a swift motion. You immediately wrapped your arms around his torso, pulling him closer to you. He quickened his pace when he felt your nails dig into the skin on his back. You could feel the pressure building up in your stomach as he thrusted even deeper into you, his lower abdomen hitting your clit so perfectly.

"Tell me baby.. tell me you missed my cock."

With every hard thrust you let out perfect little moans that were music to his ears.

"I missed your cock so much Soobin.."

You then wrapped both of your legs around him, making him fuck you deeper than you thought was possible. You threw your head back as the sound of him fucking you filled up the room. The pressure continued to build up in your stomach causing you to instinctively push him away. Soobin quickly took a hold of both your hands again, restraining them above you once more. His other arm wrapped around your waist as he held you in place, pounding into you even harder.

"I thought you missed my cock huh? Why are you running from it, hm?"

You squeezed your eyes shut, tears rolling down your cheeks from the intense pressure. Sex with Soobin was always great, but the intensity of his thrusts now was nothing like you've experienced before.

You opened your eyes again to meet his. The strands of his hair were drenched in sweat. He stared back down at you, mouth hung open as he watched the way you were reacting to his cock practically destroying you. You gazed into his eyes, savoring this moment. Savoring the feeling of him inside and all around you. He gazed back down at you as he did the same. As you were looking at him, you could have sworn you saw his eyes start to water as well. His grip on your hands above you loosened as his hard thrusts became more sloppy. You slipped out of his grasp and held his face with both your hands.

Soobin suddenly lowered himself, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. Wrapping his strong arms around your body, he slowed his thrusts just enough to regain control of himself. He couldn't hold you close enough.

"I don't want to let you go again" He breathed into your ear, "I'm not letting you go again Y/N."

"but Soob-"

Before you could finish your sentence, Soobin's hand pressed against your stomach, feeling the way his cock moved inside you.

"No buts.. You feel this? You feel my cock ramming into you? This means your mine." The pressure intensified and you were on the verge of exploding. His breathing became heavier as he was watching you. Your moans turned into whines as you squirmed underneath him. "Baby, I know those whines. Cum for me, cum on my cock babygirl."

You moaned loudly, curse words flooding out of your mouth as the pressure in your core finally released. A euphoric feeling enveloping you as you started to see colors. The sound of Soobin's thrusts became wetter as you came around him.

"That's it baby, let it out."

He continued to ram into you, overstimulating you until you were a puddle underneath him.

"Stop please.. fuck Soobin I can't-"

"Tell me baby, who's gonna fuck you like me?" You turned your head to the side as you tried to crawl away again. Soobin grabbed your face by your chin, turning you back to him, forcing you to look him dead in the eyes.

"I asked you a question, who's gonna fuck you like me?"

"No one.." You breathed out. Soobin leaned down to kiss you once more, becoming sloppier by the second.

"Ahh.. Fuck I'm gonna cum Y/N.."

You didn't know what came over you to wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to you. His thrusts became messier as he got closer to his orgasm.

"Soobin.. cum inside me.. please" You begged him, not knowing what made you demand that.

Soobin looked down at you, giving you a confused look as he processed what you said. But it was those words that caused him to come undone, and by then it was too late to try to pullout. You moaned as you suddenly felt a warm sensation inside of you. You watched as Soobin squeezed his eyes shut, bucking his hips into you as he rode out his high. He let out low groans as his thrusts came to a slow stop.

You two laid there in that same position for a minute, catching your breath and savoring the moment. Oh how you didn't want this moment to end. Soobin gently cupped your face and wiped away your tears with his thumbs. You stared back up at him, his eyes now glistening with his own tears. He leaned down, gently kissing your forehead, cheek, chin and then lips.

"Are you okay?" Soobin gently whispered. You nodded your head.

"Yeah.. Are you?"

He nodded his head as well.

"I am."

It felt as if you were staring into each other's eyes forever. You knew this was wrong, but neither of you could deny the fact that you two still had a strong connection, a connection that was going to be hard to break.

"So.. What are we gonna do now?" You broke the silence. The time you were dreading had come.

"Y/n... I want to be with you."

Your heart skipped a beat hearing him. You had longed for him for so long and here he is on top of you, telling you that he wants to be with you.

"But Soobin.. We were suppose to get closure tonight.. This is wrong."

"Then I don't want to be right." Soobin took your hand and held it against his chest. You could feel his heart beating fast. "This heart is yours. I want to try this again. I was listening to what you went through without me and Y/N.. I went through the same things. Let's communicate more this time and we can both get the help we need. I don't want to live another day without you."

At this point tears were pouring out yours and Soobin's eyes. It was like time had stopped and you two were the only ones left on earth. You could feel the warmth emitting from each other's souls and your heart beats were erratic. This is all you ever wanted. On the surface it felt wrong, but deep down, you've never felt more comfortable, more unerring, more raw.

You slowly nodded your head, seeing his eyes light up.

"Yes.. Let's try again."

Soobin hugged you tight. His embrace was warm and passionate and it was right then you knew, he was your person. He was your home. And you were willing to put in the work to make this right.

"I love you Y/N"

"I love you too Soobin"

440 notes · View notes

findafight · 1 year

Note

I think the most insufferable part of the “Steve is the worst” refrain is that even when the change is acknowledged, they constantly make out like he’s on thin ice.

But the funniest part has to be that they write this whilst also having pretty much every new main cast member they add to show take a shine to him;

Billy just wants Steve to pay attention to him (and was bitterly disappointed that Steve was just some dude and not the raging asshole that everyone’s told him about)

Max hates teenage boys, but concludes she has found the one good one

Robin enjoys his company despite herself and becomes soul bonded to him

Eddie ends up being straight (I’m sorry) up *enchanted* by Steve, and we have a whole scene of him trying desperately to communicate this to him - of course Nancy wants you, dude! Who wouldn’t?

I know we’ve joked about Joe’s charisma, but canonically Steve’s must be *otherworldly*. Clearly the only reason Nancy didn’t let him fuck that old man was because the writers needed to make things difficult for them.

The show simultaneously trying to remind us Steve used to be a dick but is actually the most charming lad in all the land and is everybody's favourite most specialest boy. Like they try to make us remember Steve being mean but then it's also telling us he's a silly billy driving his bestie to school without questioning it and not knowing she doesn't even know how to drive. How are we supposed to think he's gonna backslide.

Lmaooo billy being disappointed Steve's not an asshole. It's no fun winning for him if it wasn't actually a competition :(

Max: no teenage boys allowed

Steve and Lucas: *exist*

Max: okay I will make an exception because they seem very nice

Dustin just consistently telling everyone he meets Steve is the coolest most badass person alive. Can you imagine the hero worship Suzie has heard?? (Suzie is also a Steve Stan and she hasn't even MET him)

Robin spends one month in close proximity to Steve and she's like well. Guess he's my best friend now!! And she was probably actively trying to not like him! And yet here we are! She liked him before they got tortured and she was probably so ticked off about how she, too, has fallen platonically for the Harrington charm. Not fair. Embarrassing.

Eddie spends less than a week around Steve and immediately joins his little cheer squad with Robin and Dustin. Like, if they wanted us to know that Steve was a dick to people for no reason in highschool Eddie would've been the person to use to demonstrate that, or the tension between who he was and who he is, but they don't! Eddie just admits he made assumptions about Steve without knowing much about him other than his rich parents and big house and popularity with girls, (saying more about himself than Steve) and then immediately jumps on the Steve bandwagon because now he can't understand why anyone who spent any amount of time with Steve wouldn't like him!

Even Nancy wasn't immune to Steve's charms in S4, and she had previously broken up with him messily! But all it took was a little bit of the town in danger and Steve trying to make sure everyone's on the same page while Looking Good for her to be Gazing Lustfully at him. That's why S2 and S3 had them separate for so long. Too long around him and she'd remember that she does find him cute and funny and brave and also hot.

Reasons Nancy stopped Steve from Fucking That Old Man: 1) writers needed them finding out info to be more of a struggle 2) they also probably didn't want a middle aged supposedly professional man sleeping with one of their teenage characters I guess 3) Nancy would have been wild with jealousy about the whole thing and stancy revival would have been much more obvious earlier, much more Nancy driven, and much funnier.

#steve harrington #stranger things #steve and eddie #steve and max #stobin #stancy #sorry anon but honestly the set up for a little stancy here i couldnt resist #findaanswers #anonasaurus

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katsukismrs · 1 year

Text

let you break my heart again.

warning: hurt ‘n no comfort, bakugou is emotionally unavailable </3, reader is heartbroken, depression signs (not eating enough).

a/n: i’m back :) inspired by let you break my heart again by laufey.

🎵Feeling kind of sick tonight. All I've had is coffee and leftover pie. It's no wonder why🎵

Who knew love could be so draining? it hurt. and it hurt so bad. especially when the person you loved wasn’t as emotionally available as you. it hurts, you need somebody to shield you from the storm of your own mind. you’re slipping further into the never ending void of your own mind, you’re not meeting your physical needs enough.

🎵Ooh, still you take up all my mind. I don't even think that you care like I do.🎵

Why do you love him so much? he never cares for anybody, he hardly cares for himself a lot of the time, why are you expecting a guy like that to love you? you’re so gullible to think that you have a chance with him, the katsuki bakugou! he’ll never have time for you.

🎵 I should stop, heaven knows I've tried🎵

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they said. you had to learn the hard way, from whatever this was. you were a deer chasing a lion, even if you knew you’d be dead by the end of it.

🎵One day, I will stop falling in love with you🎵

A lie you keep telling yourself, or so it looks like. you don’t know whether you’ll get out this vicious cycle or not, it’s depressing; having to be in a situation like this. could you stop being so naïve?

🎵Some day, someone will like me like I like you.🎵

It hurts, but he might not be your true love, as much as you want him to be. Maybe your true love is out there having his heart broken, too. by someone they think is the right one. but you want him. and it hurts! love is so brutal, so brutal..

🎵Until then, I'll drink my coffee, eat my pie. Pretend that we are more than friends.🎵

Until then, you’ll live in your delusions, dreaming of living in a big city, in a luxurious house, having your children run around the house wreaking havoc. that’s the life you want, but will it be yours? you know your answer: a brief, brutally honest, disgusting no. you’ll never be his. get over it.

🎵Then of course I'll let you break my heart again.🎵

But until anything happens, you’ll let yourself run dry and be broken beyond repair, so maybe he can see you, love you. you’ll let yourself continue in this vicious cycle and keep getting tortured. it’s the best thing.. right?

🎵 I'm just tryna understand. What I am to you. More than songs we've exchanged. Midnight calls. Sunset views.🎵

You’re somewhat close to him, but all the connections you’ve had were through songs, or you’d call eachother because everyone is asleep, but he’d hang up a little over the 5 minute mark, since he needed his sleep. and he’d leave you stranded.

“The sunset looks nice.” he speaks to himself as he’s walking back to the dormitory.

“it is.” you spoke with a small smile.

that’s about 60% of your weekly or even monthly conversations together, you can’t even consider yourself a friend of his, you’re so stupid to have fallen in love with him.

🎵Promise I don't mean to cry. But I get overwhelmed and confused.🎵

Your day’s endings end in endless sobbing, that eventually lulls you to sleep, you want something other than the wetness of your pillow and the warmth of your blanket(s) to care for you. you want somebody, but you’re so distant now that nobody likes you.

🎵If only you knew what I felt like.🎵

You wish you could muster up the courage to tell hik your true feelings. i love you is a cursed three word sentence that dies at the tip of your tongue, and you can’t speak it out because you can’t feel it from him.

🎵One day, I will stop falling in love with you. Some day, someone will like me like I like you. Until then, I'll drink my coffee, eat my pie. Pretend that we are more than friends. Then of course I'll let you break my heart again🎵

It’s a cycle. it’s a loop. it’s never ending. someone needs to pull you out this torturous marathon that has no end, and no prize to win at the end, you’ll have to surrender and quit, you can’t win, you’ll never win.

🎵Some day, one day I will stop falling in love with you. Until I do, I'll be thinking of you. Let you break my heart again🎵

You have hope in yourself, though. that hasn’t dissipated, you hold the hope of escaping this endless loop, but until then you’ll nourish in the torture, trying to pick your broken pieces up like puzzle pieces, and trying to conceal your feelings, until the true one comes to you, naturally.

#katsuki bakugou #bakugou headcanons #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou angst #bakugo angst #mha angst

122 notes · View notes

fandom-hoarder · 10 months

Text

A Bibro's

Sastiel Rec List

-for the canon-adjacent connoisseur-

1. Pagan by posingasme

Gen | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 17, 782 | Chapters: 8/8

Tags: Blasphemy, Idol Worship, Fallen Castiel, Priest Sam, Hunterverse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence

Summary: Castiel has fallen, too soon. Madness and desperation plague him, but, as always, his heart is still in the right place...with Sam Winchester.

🔆

2. Run Right; or Lie by orphan_account

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 5,197 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: AU, Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence, Pre-Slash

Summary: AU in which Dean died during Faith, the first seal was broken in season one, and Sam met Castiel when his faith was as strong as ever.

🔆

3. Kneel Before the Lord Our Maker by EnInkahootz

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,000 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Supernatural Kink Bingo 2021, Porn, Smut, Blasphemy, Angels, Angel Kink, Religion, Religion Kink, Angel Wings, Wings, Flying, Clouds, Cock Worship, Dom/sub, Sub Sam Winchester, Dom Castiel, Dom Castiel/Sub Sam Winchester, Dreams, Blow Jobs, Post-Episode: s04e07 It's the Great Pumpkin Sam Winchester

Summary: After first meeting Castiel and being disappointed in It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester (Season 4, Episode 7), Sam has a dream about Castiel being the classic sort of angel he had expected to meet. Sam dreams of using his mouth to worship Castiel's holy cock, which Sam sees as an extension of god.

🔆

4. What This Is About by MissMisdemeanor

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,147 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Top Castiel/Bottom Sam Winchester, Riding, Sweat, Hook-Up, Secret Relationship, Canon Compliant, canon adjacent?, Making Out, Early season 5 Supernatural

Summary: “This is something you’ve wanted before today,” Cas states, and it’s true. He’s not sure if Cas even had to read his soul to get at that.

Sam’s breath stops. He freezes momentarily. “Yeah,” he admits. “Shit, Cas, yeah. I’d have done this the day we met.”

🔆

5. A First Grasp by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,034 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season 5 angst, Episode: s05e03 Free to Be You and Me, or at least the sastiel alternate ending to that episode.

Summary: Sastiel-flavored coda for “Free to be You and Me” with some early seasons bamf!castiel.

🔆

6. My Sastiel Valentine by rosworms

M/M | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 3,371 | Chapters: 3/3

Tags: Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine, Slash, NSFW, Sastiel - Freeform, Sam/Cas - Freeform

Summary: A very slight AU of the episode 'My Bloody Valentine' where Sam is affected by famine in a different way.

🔆 55 more fics, in relatively chronological order, below the cut 🔆

7. Boy in the White Suit by posingasme

Gen, M/M | Mature | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 13,460 | Chapters: 7/7

Tags: Boy King of Hell Sam Winchester, Post-Apocalypse, Dark Sam Winchester, Insanity, Alice in Wonderland References, Blasphemy, Self-Destruction, Madness

Summary: Sam said no. Dean said yes. Sam lost his mind. Castiel lost his friends. That’s the road so far.

🔆

8. A More Profound Bond by confxsed

Gen, M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,824 | Chapters: 5/5

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst, Season/Series 05, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Pre-Slash

Summary: Five little moments where Dean notices the relationship between Sam and Castiel growing.

🔆

9. some space underneath my skin by hellsreluctantheir

Part 1 of touch -- The soulless Sam and Cas were fucking verse.

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 23,607 | Chapters: 8/8

Tags: Soulless!Sam, Season/Series 06

Summary: Humans liked to touch each other in ways that baffled Castiel. Not just in the manner they slyly referred to as biblically. He watched them clap hands onto shoulders and backs, lean into each other in exhaustion, sleep sitting up with feet resting against each other on the floor. A constant, reverberating, nonverbal hymn. I am here. You are here. We are here, and we are alive. Angels did not need that kind of reassurance. Castiel could hear his siblings' songs no matter how near he was to them physically. Prayers and psalms in the back of his mind. It saddened him, somewhat, to think that humanity would never know that.

🔆

10. The Unexpected by muzivitch

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,253 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Sam and Castiel discuss his missing year. Also, Sam has a crush that would be obvious to anyone but Castiel (except it might even be obvious to him, after all). Takes place after 6.12 "Like A Virgin."

🔆

11. Doing Just Fine by masterlynovak

M/M, Multi | Rating: Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,069 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: idk it's a threesome but not really?, Dean is just watching Sam and Cas have sex, voyerism

Summary: Dean wakes up in a room with a naked Sam spread out on the bed.

🔆

12. Wings by Rowan203

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,415 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: AU after season 6. Sam comes back from the cage broken and changed. Dean and Castiel deal with it in different ways.

🔆

13. Between the Shadow and the Soul by Vee (Vera_DragonMuse)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 6,456 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Poetry, hell is the absence of love, take shelter in me, castiel thinks sam is the wolf, sam thinks castiel is in another story, really they're both just lost in the fog

Summary: What if Sam was the one that went to Purgatory with Castiel?

🔆

14. The Sun Pale as Milk by Icanseenow

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 39,879 Chapters: 21/21

Tags: POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 08, Purgatory, Post-Purgatory, Slow Burn, Nearly Human Castiel, Post-Season/Series 07

Summary: Instead of Dean, Castiel is the one to return from Purgatory first. He finds Sam, and together they spend a year. Looking for Dean and not looking for Dean.

🔆

15. a body of proof by lordofsoup

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 21,525 | Chapters: 5/5

Tags: Angelic Possession, Consensual Possession, basically possession (romantic), Trials of Hell, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage, Sam Winchester Has an Eating Disorder, a minor point but i wanted to mention it, references to honey!cas, Developing Relationship, Romantic Fluff, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Body, includes art!! [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Sam's sickness worsens after the second trial, resulting in him being rushed to the hospital, the extensive damage has left Sam drained of his fight. To continue with the trials Sam must allow Castiel to heal him, by possessing him. While having an alien home under his skin is nothing new for Sam, Castiel's constant presence unwittingly unburies a host of issues. Two people desperate for forgiveness in the same body should get crowded at times but between the nightmares, the sickness, and the blood; there are some cookies, a quiet beach on the coast of Oregon, and a chance at something new between them.

🔆

16. ficlet - sastiel, a/b/o dynamics by wrenseroticlibrary_archivist

[also on tumblr]

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 580 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Post-Season/Series 08, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fallen Angel Castiel, Mating Cycles/In Heat, First Time, Porn, Ficlet, Alpha Castiel, Omega Sam Winchester

Summary: When Castiel had Fallen, he’d clearly become an alpha.

🔆

17. Stay in Touch by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 6,310 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Post-Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Missing Scene, Human Castiel, Newly Human Castiel, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, First Kiss, First Time, Masturbation, Sexually Inexperienced Castiel, Castiel and Sam Winchester in Love, Sastiel - Freeform

Summary: Concerned about newly-human Castiel's decision to leave the Bunker on his own, Sam sets out for Idaho to find his best friend - and get some answers for himself.

🔆

18. Angels and Answers by klove0511

Part 1 of Milestones 'verse

M/M | Rating: Explicit | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 15,190 Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Possessed Sam Winchester, Memory Alteration, Human Castiel, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Time Blow Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Sam Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Alternate Season/Series 09, Winchester communication skills

Summary: Cas has discovered his sexuality as a human when the Winchesters bring him to the bunker, and he and Sam fall into bed together. When Gadreel forces Dean to drive Cas away, the two must find their way back to each other, freeing Sam from Gadreel in the process.

🔆

19. So polite by bloodandcream

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,174 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season 9, Angst, Sam topping from the bottom, Erectile Dysfunction

Summary: “Please,” was whispered into his mouth. So polite. Sam was in control here.

🔆

20. Had Worse by posingasme

Gen, M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,687 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Bunker Fic, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Sam has a very high threshold for pain, and an iron will. So this current hunting injury, even with its weird attack on his view of reality, is nothing compared to what he has been through in the past. He’s had worse. But that does nothing to reassure those who love him.

🔆

21. I'm always dragging that horse around by Trojie

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,499 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Unrequited Wincest, Unrequited Destiel, Enochian, Phobias, Hell Trauma, Season/Series 09, Episode: s09e11 First Born, Angel Healing, Implied Wincestiel, Hopeful Ending

Summary: Sam has a horror of angels and Cas has a compulsion to heal. It doesn't help that they speak the same languages, or that Dean is elsewhere - somehow he's always between them, and somehow they still have to meet in the middle.

🔆

22. The Best Medicine by sarasaurusrex

Multi | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,247 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Comfort, Fluff, Depressed Sam Winchester, Season/Series 09, Misunderstandings, Castiel Takes Care of Sam Winchester, Established Castiel/Sam Winchester, Domestic Fluff

Summary: Castiel confuses Sam’s symptoms of depression with symptoms of the flu and tries to help. Set mid season 9.

🔆

23. anything you need, that's what i'll be by starlightswait

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,092 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Dissociation, Bodily Autonomy, Season/Series 09, Aftermath of Possession, Post-Episode: s09e11 First Born, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Food Issues

Summary: There is a strange discomfort in healing Sam in the days that follow Dean’s departure.

🔆

24. muscle memory by hellsreluctantheir

Part 2 of touch - Sam's POV s7 - s9

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,830 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season/Series 07, Season/Series 09

Summary: Sam lost his soul, slept with an angel, got his soul back, lost his memory, and then lost his mind before they could have a conversation about it. It's fine. The Hell trauma is gone, and he's coping. Even when Castiel comes back, he'll continue to cope.

🔆

25. Divine by Matthew1972

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 8,120 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: POV Sam Winchester, Protective Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Kissing, First Time, Porn with Feelings, Anal Sex, Bottom Sam Winchester, Top Castiel, Bottoming from the Top, Angelic Grace Play, Angel Wings, Morning Sex, Oral Sex

Summary: Coda/AU scene to episode S09E11, First Born. "But nothing is worth losing you", Castiel shows that what he said was something he meant. Held safe in his arms and wings Sam learns the stunning truth about 'his' angel. How he heals the pain inside of him with something more than trust, care and touch.

🔆

26. Even If We Can't Find Heaven by ellerkay

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 8,044 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Having Faith, Loss of Faith, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Pining

Summary: Sam finds his faith and loses it and finds it again, albeit in a very different form. A Sastiel love story and exploration of Sam’s faith and spirituality. [Note: prayer during sex🙏]

🔆

27. Table For Two by the_diving_fox

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,775 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: somewhere in s9, Human Castiel, valentine's day fic, POV Outsider

Summary: A tired waitress at Ann's Diner happens to serve Sam and Castiel amidst all the other obnoxious Valentine's Day couples. Sam and Castiel manage to surprise her, though.

🔆

28. Two Beat Up Humans by PacJazz

M/M, Multi | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,863 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Fluff and Angst, Pre-Slash, PTSD, Post-Gadreel, Human!Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Post-trials with no angel healing hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 09, Nightmares, Domestic Fluff, Hair Brushing, Insomnia, No Smut, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester, Sleepiness, Literal Sleeping Together [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Both broken, yet eager to help the other heal.... Sam and Cas are living in the bunker now, sans-dean after the gadreel betrayal. Cas is newly Human now, and while he needs some help learning the intricacies of that, Sam needs some help healing. They both share things, and think through what they've lost. *In slight AU where post-gadreel Sam is living in the bunker with newly human Castiel*

🔆

29. A Crucifixion Without A Christ by angelshotgun

M/M | Rating: Explicit | Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con | Words: 18,501 | Chapters: 10/10

Tags: Angelic Possession, Castiel's Angelic Grace, Major Character Injury, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hell Trauma, Sam Winchester is Loved, Hurt Castiel, Guilty Castiel, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, voicemail fixit, Post-Gadreel, Trust Issues, Sam Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Hunter Retirement [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: When Sam Winchester is badly injured on a hunt, Cas has to possess him to keep him alive and help him heal. And though Sam agreed to let him in, Cas is acutely aware of how many times Sam has had his bodily autonomy taken away from him, and how much Cas himself has contributed to Sam's pain. And now that he's inside Sam's head? Well, he tries to be as unobtrusive as possible, but Sam is just... traumatized. And hurting. Maybe, he thinks, maybe this is his chance to put aside his own feelings for Sam to help heal the hurts he had a hand in creating?

🔆

30. Moments of Madness by orphan_account

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,140 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season/Series 10, ish, Canon Compliant, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage, Protective Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Sam Winchester, Kissing, Fluff

Summary: It just happens, the first time. Dean's a Demon, and Sam's so alone. The next times?

🔆

31. Blankets by mako_lies (wingeddserpent)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,212 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Episode: s10e01 Black, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel

Summary: Sam and Cas try to take care of one another.

🔆

32. Situational Failure (The Chicken Soup Remix) by StripySock

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 2,540 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season/Series 10, Remix, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Sickfic, Frottage

Summary: There is a fear in Cas that if he lets Sam make himself at home in all of the places that Dean had declined to fill, he will lose the ability to ever refuse it again. Or: Sam is sick, Cas is failing, and Dean is nowhere to be found. [implied unrequited destiel]

🔆

33. Feathers Falling by posingasme

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 13,144 | Chapters: 6/6

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angel Wings, Castiel in the Bunker, Permanent Injury, Protective Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Fever, Delirium, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Alternate Canon, Season/Series 10, Angst [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Castiel has been hurt, but he won't reveal how bad it is. Sam distracts him from the pain by reading him classic love stories, and Cas just doesn’t think any of them depict a love as strong as theirs.

🔆

34. Since When Does Sam Have PLANS? by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)

Gen | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 343 | Chapters: 1/1

Summary: "Dean’s POV on Sastiel, late seasons Sastiel, the ‘mistaken for a couple’ trope.

🔆

35. Keep You from the Gallows Pole by Fallynleaf

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 7,337 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Alternate Season/Series 10 Finale, Mark of Cain Cure, Charlie Lives, Implied Unrequited Destiel, Implied Unrequited Wincest, Implied Wincestiel, Asexual Relationship [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Season 10, if it were the love story of Sam and Cas.

🔆

36. Episode 199.5 by posingasme

Part 1 of Before 200...

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 56,473 | Chapters: 20/20

Tags: Mark of Cain, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Stolen Grace, Protective Dean Winchester, Demon Blood, BAMF Castiel, Sam Winchester on Demon Blood, Alternate Angel Lore, Canon-Typical Violence, Torture, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Guilt

Summary: Dean is dealing with guilt, and fear of losing control to the Mark again. Castiel has new Grace, but eventually, it will burn out just as before. Sam just wants a fresh start all around. Life in the bunker is getting a bit...crowded. Memories and tempers are boiling over, along with something that has been heating up for a long time. Things get nasty when an old foe comes for Sam, and it's all hands on deck.

🔆

37. Wingman by posingasme

Part 2 of Before 200...

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 65,222 | Chapters: 21/21

Tags: Spoilers, Mark of Cain, Dreams and Nightmares, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Psychological Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Destructive Dean Winchester

Summary: Now that Sam and Castiel have been honest with one another, and Dean has given his blessing, the two are forced into the awkward stage of figuring out where to go from here. Dean is still battling against the Mark, and his anxiety manifests in various ways, some of which are healthier than others.

🔆

38. Sentimental Iterations by fabella

M/M | Rating: Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 33,370 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Future Fic, Season/Series 11, Season/Series 10, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Betrayal, Deception, Winchester Style Death (Not Typical Death), Semi Curtain Fic, Resolved Sexual Tension, Anal Sex, Rimming, Bottom Sam, Oral Sex, Sam is a big damn hero, Castiel-centric, Human Castiel, Big Brother Dean, Angst, Hurt Sam Winchester, Mental Instability, Sacrifice, Brother Feels, Grief/Mourning [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Castiel learned everything he knows about devotion from the Winchesters. In this peaceful future built on the back of Sam Winchester’s most recent sacrifice, Castiel discovers that death itself can be overcome. If he’s willing to pay the price. [Notes: Set after season 10. An entirely different take on season 11.]

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39. Sam's Room by NobleHouseOfBlack

M/M | Rating: Not Rated | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,864 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: No Dialogue, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Platonic Cuddling, Feel-good

Summary: Sam's room in the bunker didn't seem like his room. He slept there occasionally but there was nothing that would indicate he lived there.

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40. The Devil’s Gonna Let On That You’re In The Details by sahwen

M/M | Rating: Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 3,055 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Post-Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Season/Series 12, this fic spans across a lot of time, Hook-Up, Sam Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Trauma, Protective Dean Winchester, Supportive Dean, Post-Possession

Summary: Sam and Cas have been hooking up casually for a while when something feels off to Sam. He’s sure it’s just his mind playing tricks on him.

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41. Loved by the Devil, loved by an angel by N_13

Part 1 of Of this damned reality

M/M | Rating: Mature | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 3,076 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Rape/Non-con Elements, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, everybody needs a hug, and therapy, Hurt/very little comfort, Unhealthy Relationships, No really every relationship in this is fucked up on some level, Hurt Sam Winchester, Season/Series 11, Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester

Summary: Cas has loved Sam for quite some time. Then he said yes to Lucifer and everything went to hell.

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42. Heartbreak is Savvy and Love is a Bitch by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,405 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Lapdance, Light Dom/sub, Dom Castiel, Sub Sam Winchester, Sensation Play, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sam Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Safewords, Sam Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Sam Winchester is Bad at Self Care, Castiel's not the most experienced dom, Established Relationship, Light Angst [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Castiel and Sam work on some fractures in their relationship. A gentle attempt at sensory play goes awry, leaving them scrambling to ratchet things back up to normal. Part of the 2020 Supernatural Kink Bingo.

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43. Thirty Years too Late by hyperbolicfae

Gen, M/M, Other | Rating: Teen+ | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 2,770 | Chapters: 2/2

Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Aftermath of Torture, Implied Mind Rape, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Protective Mary Winchester

Summary: Mary Winchester has rescued her son. She’s just thirty years too late. Or: The aftermath of Sam’s rescue from the British Men of Letters

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44. whore of babylon by angelszn (artbabe)

M/M | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 2,465 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Infidelity, Movie Night, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Floor Sex, Non-Penetrative Sex, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Past Rape/Non-con, Guilt, Gift Exchange [contains background destiel]

Summary: “Dean is a good man, and I love him. But sometimes, I…” Cas licks his lips. “Sam, I’m afraid.” Sam should leave. He should walk away. He should run. But his body is heavy and wine-drunk, his head spins at what Cas might be hinting at. “What are you afraid of?”

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45. The One You're With by gracerene

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,397 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Unrequited Wincest, Unrequited Sastiel, Platonic Sex, Friendship, Sexually Inexperienced Castiel, Fuck Or Die, Curses, Frottage, POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 12, Hung Sam Winchester, Present Tense

Summary: Sam knows better than to touch anything in the bunker that looks even the slightest bit suspicious. And yet…

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46. Wins & Losses by Threshie

M/M, Multi | Rating: Teen+ | Major Character Death | Words: 17,384 | Chapters: 8/8

Tags: Temporarily Dead Castiel, Heartbroken Sam Winchester, Comforting Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sastiel, Wincest, Wincestiel, Poly Vee With Sam Pivot, Cuddling & Snuggling, Men of Letters Bunker, Angst with a Happy Ending, Touchy-Feely, Grieving Sam Winchester, Idiots in Love [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: A few months after Sam and Castiel start dating, the angel is killed. Still reeling from the loss of his best friend, Dean can’t just sit and watch Sam’s heartbreak slowly pull him away, too.

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47. Now I am here by Matthew1972

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 13,728 | Chapters: 5/5

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Asexual Relationship, Literal Sleeping Together, Sharing a Bed, Feelings Realization, Hugs, Boys Kissing, Case Fic, Monster Hunters, Crime Scenes, Angst, Blood, Hurt, Pagan Gods, Magic

Summary: Castiel and Sam have come to another nameless town to free it from the claws of a dark and ancient power. As they work the case their friendship grows stronger, changing into something more or does it? This, here, now… brings the confirmation they each needed.

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48. Something Good by posingasme

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,876 | Chapters: 4/4

Tags: Food Issues, showtunes, Sleep Deprivation, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sick Sam Winchester

Summary: Everyone deals with their losses in their own way, and Sam prefers to work things out on his own. But his angel friend can’t stand on the sidelines as the hunter wastes away in pain. Sam may have had a complex past, but an angel’s love is proof that he must have done something good.

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49. Something to Talk About by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 777 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: mentions Castiel but he's not actually here, Bunker Era, Dean being a big brother, telltale hickies, Love Bites

Summary: To be honest, Sam thought it took Dean way longer than he would’ve expected to figure he and Castiel were together.

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50. Lois by posingasme

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 4,195 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Superman References (DCU), Awkward Crush, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings

Summary: Jack discovers the joy of comic books, and reminds Castiel of a time when Bobby Singer called him Superman. And Dean had an opinion about who his Lois Lane was.

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51. Happy Ain't a Two-Story Victorian, But it Might Be This by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,382 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Episode: s14e15 Peace of Mind, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake Marriage, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Dean Winchester Tries, Family Issues, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester Bonding

Summary: Sam and Castiel have been on a mission to an Arkansas hamlet, and they haven't checked in. When Dean and Jack trail them to a quiet street in Charming Acres, what they find is nothing like either of them expected. To be honest, cleaning out a nest of vampires might be easier than this, but Dean's going to give it the old college try. Whatever that means.

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52. Milestones and Misunderstandings by klove0511

Part 2 of Milestones 'verse

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,711 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: mildly homophobic!Mary, inappropriate anniversary gifts, protective!Dean, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Season/Series 14, Fluff, Tumblr Prompt, Oblivious!Dean

Summary: There is something different about Sam and Cass. The lingering stares, the intimate touches. The careful whispers and secret smiles. Dean knew it. He was going to get to the bottom of it, one way or another.

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53. Stricta Dormire by klove0511

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Major Character Death | Words: 3,583 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Temporary Character Death, Fairy Tale Type Death, Established Relationship, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hell Trauma, Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel, Grief/Mourning, True Love's Kiss

Summary: When Sam is hit by a spell, Cass is the only one that can save him. Meanwhile, Dean is grieving his brother, unaware of the struggle going on within Sam’s mind.

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54. Roadhouse Rough by posingasme

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 12,738 | Chapters: 10/10

Tags: Curtain Fic, Alcohol, Hurt Sam Winchester, Retired Hunter Sam Winchester, Bartender Sam Winchester, Permanent Injury

Summary: The last tangle with the last archangel ended with an act of spite, from which Sam will never recover. Lucifer’s bitter parting gift to his wayward vessel means Sam’s forced retirement. He runs the hub from his very own Roadhouse, and watches over a powered-down nephilim, while a weakened but recovering Castiel hunts at Dean’s side. It’s a rough life, but someone’s got to do it.

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55. Familiar Spirits by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 6,619 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Wisconsin - Freeform, The Beast of Bray Road, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Season/Series 15, Monster of the Week, Case Fic, Sastiel Secret Santa Exchange, Sastiel - Freeform, Sastiel Secret Santa 2019

Summary: Fills in a little gap of time between 15-7 and 15-8. Sam's on the hunt for Eileen, and winds up on a case in the middle of Wisconsin in December. What seems like a straightforward case of werewolves gets out of hand, when the werewolves turn out to be something Sam's never encountered before. It's Castiel to the rescue, but in the middle of the night in a refrigerator of a forest, one wrong move could be the last one they ever make.

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56. a rock with a hole in it by De_Nugis

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 11,052 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: faerie - Freeform, possibly in some way a Canadian shack fic, except Faerie, Consent Issues, animal death (hunting), Unrequited Destiel, Soulless Sam Winchester, POV Castiel

Summary: Castiel walks back into Faerie with Sam's soul in a jar in his pocket.

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57. Right Now by spideybegins

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,512 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Comforting Castiel, samcas, Sastiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 15, Angst, Crying Sam Winchester, Don’t Look at These Messy Tags, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, no beta we die like men

Summary: The one where Cas hears Sam crying and realizes he’s been avoiding the youngest Winchester for much too long. Set somewhere in season 15.

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58. It’s Good to Be Here Again, With You by raisinghellonstarbug

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,240 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Canon Compliant, Reunions, Mentioned Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sharing a Bed, Season/Series 15, Episode: s15e07 Last Call

Summary: Sam is missing Castiel and doesn't understand why he left. He knows Dean has something to do with it. But then he shows back up just in time before Sam's in real trouble.

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59. wishing too hard for them to stay by angelfishofthelord

Gen | Rating: Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,727 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Episode s15e17 coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, One Shot, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Speculation, POV First Person, POV Sam Winchester [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: You tell me you’re doing to die, and I don’t yell at you. Instead I say, “Let’s go for a walk.”

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⚠️ Unfinished Fic - last updated in 2013

60. Of Blood And Water by lovedsammy

M/M, Gen | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 20,081 Chapters: 7/?

Tags: 8x23, Fallen Angels, Post Season/Series 08, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Romance, Angst, fallen!cas, Hurt!Sam, Hurt!Cas, Slash, stigmata!sam, Stigmata, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, AU, Season/Series 9 canon divergent, Friendship

Summary: Now AU to season 9! Post-8x23, "Sacrifice". Both of them were wounded, broken, in need of repair; both of them had done things in the name of the greater good and had ultimately failed and caused something or another to bend and break and destroy upon itself. They'd both wrecked themselves to achieve an end, and in turn wrecked others. But they couldn't have been more than two opposites on the end of the spectrum that somehow aligned at the middle-point, and now there was no going back.

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💜💀🖤 Self Rec 💜💀🖤

(because this is a list of my favs, and I wrote it for me)

61. grief and husbands on the interstate by ladygizarme

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,787 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: background wincest, background wincestiel - Freeform, they're a polycule but they're sam-centered, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Rimming, Bottom Sam Winchester, Spit As Lube, Wound Tending, Episode: s14e01 Stranger in a Strange Land, part coda, Part fix-it, Polyamory, Anal Sex

Summary: En route from Detroit back to the bunker, Cas makes them stop at a motel. Sam is exhausted, and so is everybody else. But right now, Castiel's priority is Sam, and he knows just what he needs. Part coda, part fix-it to 14x01.

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aphroditelovesu · 2 years

Note

Yandere Eros headcanons pretty please????

As the god of love, I know that you and I are soul mates and made for each other. - Eros.

❝💗— lady l: here it is, anon's. I don't know why it took so long to make, but probably due to my procrastination lol. I received two requests from a yandere Eros and I incorporated them together in this headcanons, it has a bit of nsfw as it is the Eros yandere baby, except for the part where he is described as a platonic yandere. Anyway, I hope you like it <3

💗 2nd request: Could I request some Yandere Eros headcanons, please? He is one of my favorites. ♥️

❝💗 tw: yandere themes, obsessive and possessive behavior, uncontrolled jealousy, physical aggression, dub-con, (im)explicit non-con, mention of murder and torture, unhealthy relationship, light nsfw, public display (?).

❝💗 pairing: yandere!eros x gender neutral!reader

The god of love had never really fallen in love. What he believed was love was just his most primal desires speaking, his lust taking over his senses and his desires. Eros never loved anyone unconditionally and he believed he never would, until he met you. And it was the best thing that had happened to him since he could breathe for the first time. There you were, so ethereal and so innocent, his sweet and innocent love ready to be broken by the overwhelming passion of the god of love and eroticism.

Eros was completely stunned by you and he didn't know why, honestly. Of course, yes, you were one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen but you were so much more, there was something more about you that captivated him. Your beauty is just a complement, because that ''something more'' was what really made him interested in you. And maybe that was your downfall.

The god wanted you and he would have you, simple as that. It doesn't matter if it's a romantic or platonic obsession, he'll still have you. And he won't mind having to force you to get what he wants, interpret it however you want, they're all right. Eros will use every means available to make you his, you can resist as long as you like, but you will belong to the deity in the end.

He'd rather not be forced to force you to be with him, he really does. But you need to understand one thing: he doesn't handle rejections well. Eros will not accept if you reject him, despise him as if he were nothing. He will use his arrows on you without any hesitation. If you don't love him willingly, then you will love him by force. He doesn't want a puppet, but if it's the harm he needs to do for you to be his, then so be it.

Eros would shower you with expensive and extravagant gifts, he would pamper you without any kind of restraint. You will almost always be covered in jewels and dressed in the most expensive silks money can buy, in this case what a greek god can buy. The divinity will spare no effort and expense to make you feel how deep is the love he feels for you. Presents won't be enough for him, every day with Eros will be like a romantic movie, with him being a true gentleman, opening doors for you, whenever you go to make love he will make sure you are comfortable and the mood is completely romantic and erotic. That is, of course, if you are an intelligent person and accept being obsessively loved by the god of love.

The god would be what can be said "a perfect boyfriend", he is everything that many girls and some boys dream of, a faithful and loving boyfriend/lover whose eyes are focused on only you. No one is interesting and important enough to retain the attention that Eros pays, attention that is only given to you. He loves you, or at least he believes he loves you, and if you're a smart girl/boy you'll know how to use that to your advantage.

Eros is extremely and madly possessive and jealous, heavens, he is jealous of everything and everyone, you will never be safe from the jealous tantrums that come followed by the god's rage. No one is safe from the god's wrath when he is jealous, not even you. Eros will scream, beat, threaten you and whoever made you jealous. He will kill that person in a slow and painful way, torturing them and sending them to the depths of Tartarus to be a little more terrified and then he will turn to you. He would take you where you are, it doesn't matter if it's in private or in public, you will be forced to part your legs and he will enter you without any kind of preparation, taking you hard right there. It doesn't matter to him if you don't want to, he'll take you anyway. But if you deny it, it will only make him angrier, which will lead him to be harsher and rougher with you.

Eros would feel guilty for having forced and hurt you and he will try to compensate for his actions by being obedient and submissive to you. He's not ignorant or dumb, he knows what he did is inexcusable, but he's delusional enough to think that just doing what you want is enough for you to forgive him for hurting you so much. And if you're a stubborn girl/boy, he has other ways for you to forgive him.

The god is quite protective, but not suffocating in that sense. He does fear you'll get hurt, but he doesn't want you to think he's a stalker, because he's not one. He will watch over you from afar without you knowing and will rarely intervene, only if necessary. He doesn't want you to fear him, at least not too much.

In a more platonic way, Eros wouldn't be much different from what's been described to you, except that he'll be more protective of you, especially if you're a child. He would be most involved in everything you do and would try his best not to scare you with his yandere tendencies. Eros would be a very loving and protective daddy, brother or friend, loving and caring for you. You wouldn't be allowed to be romantically involved with anyone, Eros sees you as a baby and babies don't do that kind of thing, right? Any possible suitors who approach you, Eros will be quick to get rid of them. He would spoil you just as much or even worse, after all, you are his baby.

Denying Eros is not a wise decision, he is vindictive and his emotions are extremely strong, especially love and anger. He would try to be patient at first, not wanting to scare you too much, but if you keep denying him he will be tougher in his advances. Eros doesn't want to use his arrows on you, he doesn't like the thought of you being a puppet in his hands, ready for him to play any way he wants. But he doesn't have infinite patience, you know, he will use his arrows on you only if absolutely necessary and depending on how desperate for your love he is. And believe me, Eros is very desperate for love, for your love.

Eros is dangerous, one of the most dangerous yandere gods in the entire pantheon, because he is easily overwhelmed by his emotions and has no control over them. The god will have outbreaks of anger and jealousy easily, he will hurt you in any way he can, but when he regained his senses, he would realize what he did and try to compensate for all the damage he did to you, but it won't be enough, isn't? Eros can be manipulated and controlled, yes, if you knew the power you had over the god, you would never be in danger. Just be smart enough and play your cards right and maybe you'll walk away unscathed, but with a god obsessed and madly in love with you.

#yandere greek mythology #yandere greek gods #yandere eros #yandere eros x reader #yandere eros headcanons #yandere headcanons #greek mythology

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serickswrites · 1 month

Text

Breathe Me II

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Warnings: captivity, torture, broken bones, forced to watch, self sacrifice

Team Leader listened to their team make a plan to get out of the cage the next time Whumper came back. Team Leader was too weary to open their eyes. They couldn't get a deep enough breath to chime in on the plan. They had complete trust in their team.

Teammate Three rubbed circles with their thumb on Team Leader's hand. Team Leader's eyelids were so heavy. They were safe for now. The team had them. Whumper wasn't here. They were ok. They just needed to keep breathing.

Team Leader hadn't realized they had fallen asleep again. As they opened their eyes once more, Teammate Three squeezed them tightly. Team Leader could hear Teammate One shouting again.

"They need help! You can't keep doing this! Hurt one of us. Hurt me!" Teammate One shouted.

"Why? I don't want you. I want Team Leader." Whumper's cold voice came.

Team Leader couldn't help but tremble. They could barely breathe. Whumper had broken more than a few ribs. They weren't sure they could endure another beating, not sure if Whumper wouldn't kill them outright this time.

"Shhhh, it's ok, Team Leader," Teammate Three said softly as Team Leader whimpered, "we won't let Whumper take you."

"You have absolutely no power over that, Teammate Three. I wouldn't make promises you can't keep."

Team Leader heard someone banging on the bars of the cage. "I won't let you take them!"

"Nor will I!" Teammate Two's soft voice came loudly.

Team Leader was touched that their team was fighting for their life. But they knew that it was useless. Whumper would get their way. Whumper always got their way. And as the cage door opened, Team Leader could only hope that they would live through this next beating long enough to see their team break free.

Tags: @gala1981 @whumpthisway @whumpberry-cookie @yet-another-heathen @painsthegame

@soheavyaburden @pigeonwhumps @st0rmm @whumpitywhumpwhump @bloodywhumpinggood

#serickswrites #whump #whumpblr #whump community #whump writing #tw captivity #tw torture #tw broken bones #tw forced to watch #tw self sacrifice #team whump #team leader whump #queue

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loudblonde · 10 months

Text

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Male!Reader Mafia AU (chapter 19)

18+ Minor DNI

Summery: As (Y/N) and Simon get closer and closer, their relationship shifts to a new directon, a different one. No longer just some low life bodyguard and the son of the boss, but now a partnership build on mutual trust and protection. Lines are blurred and new alliances are forged even stronger.

Warnings(contains spoilers, but that is obvious): (Y/N) has some complicated feelings that if you have been a victim of emotional abuse and emotional neglect may be a bit hard to read about. Essentially (Y/N) realises he is capable of love and deserving of happiness

AN: I meant to have this out wayyyyyyyy earlier, as in last week but my engagement of 3 years ended, so sorry, I have just been too disraught, sad and pissed off to even consider writing this finished, somehow (Y/N) and Simon being so happy together was painful. I guess the fanfiction writer curse strikes again....

Word count: 3.2K

(Y/N) stared down at the sleeping Simon. He looked peaceful… no, he looked young and peaceful. No nightmares plagued his mind behind the eyelids, no anxiety was freezing his core and no doubt was tending the already huge garden of doubt flowers that grew in his mind.

(Y/N) smiled as he ran a hand through Simon’s hair, for once with care instead of possession. He had started to like Simon, no, he hadn’t lied to Simon earlier in the week. He loved him. He… loved… him. The thought was foreign to (Y/N), he didn’t know how that had happened or how Simon had wormed his way into his heart, yet here he was, warming up something that (Y/N) had forgotten he had. He felt odd. He was simultaneously on a cloud and in the deepest pits of hell, the last few weeks had been like descending into hell, every single layer worse than the other.

He felt a lot like Dante, forced to descend into hell only to learn how to love and have compassion. The thought left a grim taste in his mouth as he realised he may eventually feel bad for his actions. (Y/N) had never felt like more than a pawn to anyone, to his family, to the agency and to Price. But with Simon… Simon had never treated him like anything but someone better than him, superior then him, all the while (Y/N) knew from day one that (Y/N) could never be half the man Simon was. He saw him for what he was, a once beautiful angel that had survived abuse and torture at the hands of his parents, only to endure it at the hands of John Price.

Simon was beyond broken, an angel whose wings had been clipped and stolen, yet he had never fallen, he had never once let it truly break him. (Y/N) had seen the light and like his father he had sought to squash the light, yet no matter how much he tried, the light was so bright that (Y/N) had been overwhelmed and Simon’s kindness was so heartbreakingly pure despite everything that (Y/N) had changed positively. (Y/N) was somehow a better man for knowing Simon and Simon had stopped hiding behind Ghost as an attempt at hiding who he was.

He was growing his wings back and Simon was more confident in himself than ever and (Y/N) loved every single second of it. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

(Y/N) woke when the alarm blared into his ear. Both men groaned as they separated for the morning and got up. As they both got dressed (Y/N) caught Simon glancing at him, (Y/N) headed over and wrapped his arms around Simon from behind, he kissed the spine between his shoulders. “Hmmm, morning luv.” Simon’s voice rumbled. “You are not usually this clingy.” He leaned back against (Y/N).

“I just realised how much I care and how much I love you.” (Y/N) whispered into his back before kissing his back again.

Simon chuckled. “Well, sir, I am always here for you,” Simon said.

(Y/N) chuckled. “Thank you, Si.” He said softly before pulling away with a sigh. “What is on the agenda today?”

“Meeting with the Shadow Unit, as usual,” Simon said as he placed his knives in their usual places. “Then you have dinner with the police chief, one of your father's allies has lent out his restaurant for this, I hope you like Italian food.”

(Y/N) chuckled. “I don’t mind it, the food isn’t all that bad.” He hid his own knives as well before checking up on his drawing kit. He checked the sharpness. Simon’s eyes were on him through the whole process. When he was done he wrapped it again and walked over to Simon. They shared a quick kiss before walking out.

After breakfast and the daily first meeting with various people who (Y/N) made very little attempt to even remember who was, he headed to lunch with the police chief.

(Y/N) sat down and looked at the smug face. “My officer says you are working close,” Shepherd said.

“Of course, we appreciate the shadow unit more than we could ever express.” (Y/N) said as he leaned back in the chair. The waiter poured him a glass of red wine. “Besides, Graves, your lapdog, is quite useful in many ways.” He said.

“He wouldn’t appreciate you calling him that,” Shepherd said with a chuckle.

(Y/N) shrugged as he picked up the glass of wine. “Yet, it is true.”

“Touché, Mister Price.” Shepherd said. “Graves reported his men started calling you The Iron Fist.” He said.

(Y/N) sipped the dry wine before sitting it down. “Iron fist?”

“Yes, apparently you are quite strict.” He said.

“I am no drill sergeant.” (Y/N) chuckled. “But they are learning how to not crack under torture.”

“By… torturing them,” Shepherd said.

“Nothing a child can’t go through.” (Y/N) said nonchalantly. As though pain and suffering didn't matter to him and Shephard knew, in his heart, that for (Y/N) it probably didn't matter, as long as a soldier was made out of the child.

Shepherd looked genuinely taken back and a bit disgusted at that. “You put children through that?”

“It was what my mother put me through, they won’t ever experience anything worse, I promise.” (Y/N) said.

He looked distrustful of that. “Are you suggesting that my men will be in danger of getting kidnapped and tortured?”

“It is always a possibility, even without them working for us, what I bring to the family is fresh eyes and fresh blood. I have allies and contacts for future work that would leave many quaking in their boots but it will earn you a good bonus.” (Y/N) said with a smile.

“A good bonus?” The police chief asked.

(Y/N) took a piece of paper out of his pocket and wrote 20 000$ on it before turning it over and sliding it over to him. Shepherd took it and looked at it. His eyes widened as he looked at (Y/N). “Bi-annually, on top of what we already give you, that is just a taste too. I am expanding the business in due time, though not without regulating what happens. If your men think of me as The Iron Fist now they will be in for a rude awakening when I take over and actually handle more business than our lovely police force.”

“And what about Grave’s, your police lap dog? What will happen to him?” Shepherd asked as the food was placed down in front of them. Perhaps (Y/N)'s cruelty wasn't so outrageous if it got results like this…

“He will keep being a lapdog. If I say jump I don’t even want him to ask how high, he should jump as high as possible.” (Y/N) took a bite of food and swallowed it before speaking again. “I will keep him close but keep in mind that I am happily taken, I won’t fuck his brains out.”

Shepherd cleared his throat. “Do you use your body often for sexual favours to clients?” (Y/N) chuckled at that.

“Not anymore, no.” (Y/N) said. “I don’t tend to have open relationships. I am a tad bit… possessive.” He heard Simon shuffle behind him.

“You must make whoever it is very happy,” Shepherd said.

(Y/N) smiled. “Yes, I think so too.” (Y/N) said with a softness Shepherd hadn’t heard from him.

“And you won’t tell me who?” Shepherd asked, mostly as a joke.

(Y/N) chuckled and shook his head. “No, we like to keep things private.”

Shepherd chuckled at that. “Alright, alright. I will let you keep your secrets.”

The rest of the lunch was decent, they had spent it talking about some minor things. No business after that.

When lunch was over Simon and (Y/N) headed back to the warehouse being used as a training facility. They entered to see Graves running men through the usual drills. (Y/N) gave a hum.

He walked over to them and looked at everyone going through the different drills. “Your men show promise.”

“Thank you, sir.” Graves smiled at the praise. He looked at him. “How did your lunch go?”

“It went well. Has Gaz arrived yet?” (Y/N) asked.

“Ah, yes. He is in your office, Sir.” Graves said.

“Next time lead with that. Ghost, keep an eye on their training.” (Y/N) said before walking upstairs. He entered his office and looked at Gaz with a smile. Both men shared a hug. (Y/N) sat down behind his desk and Gaz sat down in front of it. “So, what’s new?”

Gaz leaned back. “Well, your father is stressed, but still working, we keep suggesting he takes a break or give you more responsibility.”

“He is getting old.” (Y/N) said. “I am here to help in any way he needs or wants.”

“Those two are not the same?” Gaz asked.

(Y/N) chuckled. “We both know they aren’t, Gaz.”

“Oh, this is business?” Gaz chuckled.

(Y/N) smiled and shook his head. “Do you prefer Kyle, out here amongst the dogs?”

“I think you said 'A dog and his pigs',” Gaz said.

“Well, the lapdog is very entertaining to tease and his pigs are very needed to get our business running.” (Y/N) shrugged. “Besides, I am very happy with how Graves makes Ghost react.”

Gaz smirked. “You like the fact he asks you to fuck him.”

“Yes, though you should know all about that, Kyle.” (Y/N) commented.

“Oh I do, I know far better than most people.” He responded.

“Aye, you do.” (Y/N) chuckled. “Does my father even know about what we did?”

Gaz nodded. “He found out when Ghost was honest and said everyone wanted to fuck your brains out,” Gaz said with a shrug. “He couldn’t do anything as he realised that everyone would in fact like to fuck you. He asked me why and I answered truthfully. He regretted asking and just let people be.” He said. “He figured it would keep people loyal to you when he retired.”

“It does tend to keep people close to me.” (Y/N) said.

“May I ask, how do you do it?” Gaz asked.

“You may and honestly, I don’t know. I am just charming. To some degree it is probably my training kicking in but… for me, this is just me.” (Y/N) said, once again, shrugging.

“Interesting,” Gaz said. “So it is all unintentional?”

“Probably to others at this point.” (Y/N) said. “But I do use it and wield it like a weapon.”

“Except with Ghost,” Gaz said.

“What?” (Y/N) asked.

“Except with Ghost. I see the way you look at him when you think no one is looking.” Gaz said. “You look at him as though he is your whole world and as if you would happily burn the whole world down just for him,” Gaz said.

“I do love him.” (Y/N) said as he leaned back.

“You love him more than you realise,” Gaz said. “You do realise it, right?”

“I…” (Y/N) looked away, his silence was enough.

Gaz tilted his head. “You didn’t realise you loved him?” He asked. “It’s okay to have emotions, to be human.”

“No, emotions are a weakness.” (Y/N) said. “Care is a weakness. I can’t be weak.”

“That’s why Ghost is here, why you have friends, so that if you are weak for a moment then they will support you. Have you not had that before?” Gaz asked softly.

“Get out.” (Y/N) choked out.

Gaz said nothing more, he stood up and left, closing the door behind him. Gaz looked at Ghost and sighed. “Check up on him.” He said before leaving.

Simon frowned before looking at Graves. “Excuse me.” He walked up the stairs and knocked. “Sir?”

He heard some shuffling around before (Y/N) cleared his throat. “Come in.”

Simon entered and tilted his head. “Are you okay?” He asked as he noticed (Y/N) had been crying, his eyes had puffed up.

“No, I… I am not good with emotions, Si.” (Y/N) said. “Kyle made me realise a few things, I… I can’t handle that well.”

Simon walked over and sat down in front of him. “Anything to talk about?”

(Y/N) shook his head. “Not right now. But thank you, Si.” (Y/N) chewed on his lip. Simon had never seen him so… nervous. “How are the recruits going?”

Simon stood up and walked behind the table. “(Y/N)?” He lifted (Y/N)’s face up with a finger under his chin. “Look at me, please.”

(Y/N) looked into his eyes. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

(Y/N)’s face conveyed very little emotion but his eyes were stormy as doubt and thoughts rushed through them. Every single fear he had ever felt was coming to life. “No.”

Simon sat in his lap and wrapped his arms around him. (Y/N) hesitated before wrapping his arms around Simon. He didn’t cry out loud, but Simon felt him shake as he sobbed into his shoulder, the facade of the charming suave man who got into everyone’s pants fell away and once again Simon saw the vulnerable man who had never experienced actual love before, he had gotten glimpses of that version of him in the past though never as much as right here.

They sat there for an hour, neither of them moved, and neither of them spoke. The lines were blurring. Simon had gained confidence in their time together and (Y/N) had slowly begun trusting him with his emotions. They were healthily shifting roles. They were becoming one.

Simon stood up and held his hand out to (Y/N) who took it silently. They walked out, got into the car and got home. Simon waved people away as he took (Y/N) straight up to their bedroom. He ensured the door was closed behind them before laying down on the bed, still fully clothed. (Y/N) joined him on the bed, he cuddled into him and placed his head on his chest before closing his eyes.

Simon wrapped his arms around him and drew small circles on (Y/N)’s hips as he watched him fall asleep. Simon fought off sleep himself for a while before he too succumbed to the would-be nap, except no one woke them up.

(Y/N) and Simon awoke together around midnight. Both were far too well-rested to go back to sleep. (Y/N) looked up at Simon before cupping his cheek. “Thank you, for taking care of me.” He whispered.

Simon kissed his palm. “I will always take care of you.” He whispered back before (Y/N) straddled him.

“May I?” (Y/N) asked softly.

Simon nodded.

(Y/N) kissed him, it was slow and full of love, there was no demand for anything to go further but Simon reached up and gently cupped his cheek as they kissed, his other hand went down further landing on (Y/N)’s lower back. When they pulled away to breathe, their foreheads pressed together. “I want you,” Simon whispered.

(Y/N) smiled and kissed him again. “Then you will have me. Go clean yourself and I will prepare everything here.” (Y/N) said softly as he got off him. He watched Simon walk off before lighting a few mildly scented rose tealights, he ensured there was lube, condoms and things to clean Simon up with afterwards before sitting down. His mind went to Simon’s lips, how sweet they tasted against him, how much he wanted him forever and how much he loved him. (Y/N) smiled softly.

Simon came back out, already naked. (Y/N) undressed before walking over. He looked up into his eyes. “I love you.” (Y/N) said. Simon smiled at that and kissed him before saying, “I love you too.”

(Y/N) led Simon over to the bed where Simon lay down. He got between his legs and grabbed the lube, he squirted a good amount on his fingers before he started preparing Simon. First, one finger, slowly in and out, gently easing its way, there was no need to rush. Every single movement was followed by a kiss to the thigh, not something that would leave visible marks but Simon would spend the rest of the week feeling the ghostly kisses.

(Y/N) added a second finger, he curled and spread his fingers just right to get small moans out of Simon, he looked up at him with a smile and watched as his eyes halfway closed. The sheer trust they had in each other was beautiful. He added more lube before adding a third finger. His fingers curled around Simon’s prostate drawing further soft moans out from him.

(Y/N) pulled away as he grabbed a condom. Simon whined as he felt empty, he looked at (Y/N) and bit his lip as he watched him take the condom. “I am clean,” Simon said. (Y/N) looked at him and tilted his head. “So am I. Are you sure you want to bareback this?”

Simon nodded. “Yes.” He said. “I trust you, we are both clean.”

(Y/N) gave a nod at that and lubed up his cock, it was already hard. He positioned them both just right before slowly sliding into him. He bottomed out and waited for Simon to get comfortable. “You are taking me so well.” (Y/N) praised. Simon smiled at that.

(Y/N) leaned down without stopping his movement. Simon held onto (Y/N) as they shared loving but sloppy kisses. Both chased their mutual satisfaction. “Fuck Si, you feel so good.” (Y/N) said against the kiss, his pace didn’t falter.

Simon’s grip on (Y/N)’s shoulders and arms didn’t falter as he moaned against the kiss. (Y/N)’s choice of words sent him spiralling closer to his own edge. “(Y/N), fuck, this is so good, please don’t stop!” He cried out. He opened his eyes and looked up at (Y/N). His cock was leaking precum all over his stomach. He detached one hand and reached down before tugging at his own cock, further sending him spiralling towards the fast-approaching edge. The knot in his stomach was forming faster than he could even begin to realise. “I’m close.”

(Y/N) felt a surge of pride, Simon was already so close just because of him. He fucked into him harder. “Cum when you can, Si.” He panted.

Simon kissed him again, their tongues clashed against each other as teeth hit teeth, it was sloppy, tired and loving.

(Y/N) bit Simon’s lower lip as he kept thrusting into him, he was barreling towards his own bliss, not caring as moans tore themselves from his mouth, his sense was flooded with Simon and the feeling of his wet warm hole.

Simon moaned out louder than before as white cum sprayed over his hand and his stomach. He clenched around (Y/N) who thrust into him a few more times before cumming deep inside him. (Y/N) panted out as the adrenaline left their bodies. “Fuck si… Ah god, you were good, this was, hmmm, amazing.” He said and pulled out, he watched as his cum fell out of Simon’s hole.

“You were even better,” Simon said from his blissed-out state.

(Y/N) chuckled and grabbed a towel before cleaning Simon up. “Thank you, my love.” (Y/N) said.

“Shower now or later?”

“In the morning,” Simon said as he opened his arms.

(Y/N) wrapped his arms around him as he lay down with him. “Hmm, whole rooms gonna stink of us, Si.” (Y/N) said.

“Fuck it,” Simon said and chuckled.

Both men rested for a few moments before falling asleep in each other's arms again.

All lines between them blurred. They had become more equal and more in love. Nothing could tear them apart now. Not John Price, not Police Chief Shephards and not (Y/N)’s family. They were a unit now. Perfect for each other and perfectly dependent on one another.

Hopefully nothing would go wrong.

Tag list:

@rasberry-jupiter @one-green-frog

#simon ghost riley x male reader #loudblondes cod mafia au #cod x male reader #cod men x male reader #simon riley x male reader #simon ‘ghost’ riley x male reader #male reader #simon riley x you #fanfiction

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testingthewatersss · 9 months

Text

Knocks Trigger warnings for PTSD, mentions of war, torture, winter solider stuff etc. Winter Solider x F Reader Chapter 1/3 3100 words Angst, more angst, comfort. 18+ MDNI Originally written as a 3 part prelude to Adjustment. Maybe storage is kinder

The Solider had started turning up at her door more frequently than before.

He’d knock three times, and wait- like he’d been trained to do, and she’d open, and bring him inside, no matter what time it was.

She began to suspect that he was rushing through missions in order to speed up their visits.

There was no proof, but even the wounds he was sustaining seemed to be worsening.

He was getting sloppy, she’d thought.

Luckily, HYDRA didn’t care about his physical condition, as long as his jobs where finished, and now that he was besting even his own records, they seemed to be giving him more missions than they ever had before.

He was speeding through the tasks, one after another, which in turn meant he was spending much less time on ice.

Y/N had noticed how much less time when she’d gone to clean a deep cut on his flesh palm, and he’d held her hand.

Her heart had broken, then. When she’d looked at the face of the brainwashed man, and seen his brow creased with concern.

“Are you okay, solider?”

He’d hesitated, he’d blinked up at her, face suddenly ladened with confusion.

“do you have a name?”

“Y/N” she’d smiled, watching as he gave her a small nod, his hair had fallen in-front of his eyes, and she’d wondered if they’d given up on trying to cut it with him awake.

“I don’t think I have one.”

His voice was small, and unexpected-

and god, it hurt.

Y/N had thought that hearing him say that, had been worse than any torture HYDRA had subjected her too.

She’d blinked emotion away from her face as she’d met his gaze.

“I’m sure you do” Y/N had purred quietly, “I’ll try and find it for you, if you try not to think about it too much, okay?”

He’d looked at her curiously, so she’d offered him another small quirk of her lips,

“I don’t want you gettin’ in trouble.”

She’d been worried that he didn’t understand, but then, he’d given her a small nod, and let his palm unfurl in her hand, so that she could complete her task.

That’s when she’d first begun to feel hopeful that he had some concept of what kind of relationship she was trying to build.

Y/N had been hopeful that him beginning to risk questioning things so openly with her, was a sign that trust was starting to blossom between them.

The Solider seemed to be aware that he wasn’t supposed to be thinking, as much as he had been, he seemed to know what’d she’d meant when she’d told him to try to lay off on his own self-questioning. She wondered if the others where picking up on his shifting mood, too, or if he was managing to hide it well enough to avoid anyone pulling him up, either way, Y/N decided to follow through on her end of the bargain, regardless of wether his handlers might begin to worry that he was slipping too much and wipe him again before they next spoke.

All in all, it hadn’t taken her long to find his identity.

Her handlers ignored her, for the most part- She was at best a pet, and at worst a means to an end, a disposable piece of their puzzle, so sneaking into places where folders where kept was never a challenge, it was amazing how blindly they trusted their mind control techniques, she’d almost found it comical as she’d palmed open ‘the assets’ hand book.

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

There where pictures clipped to the faded pages, along with scrawled notes regarding possible weaknesses, fears, and already completed training.

She scanned everything, trying her best to memorise anything that she’d thought might hold any importance; codewords, phobias, triggers, even family members, that where all long dead, save for one younger sister, who was supposedly in her 70s, living in a home in Texas.

A picture of the sergeant posing next to a young, but still recognisable Captain America had also caught her eye.

She’d heard about Steve Rodgers, from Natasha, she hadn’t heard much, but her sister had talked about the man with something akin to fondness, so Y/N had decided it would have been unlikely for him to be involved in the continued containment of his old pal, even though HYDRA where quickly infiltrating SHEILD, where Y/N was sure that he was still employed, he’d been on payroll, last time she’d managed to sneak a look at their database, anyway.

Her suspicions had been almost totally satiated by time and more pondering when she was surprised by three firm knocks on her door.

Odd, she’d thought, The Asset had been in her office this morning, post mission but otherwise fine, there’d been barely a scratch on him…

She’d had to swallow a gasp when she’d opened the door,

The solider was hurt- badly, hurt. He was bloody, lip split, tactical vest removed, metal arm tightened around his own ribs, and he was leaning obviously over to one side.

She’d hidden her alarm, and ushered him inside, making a point of locking the door behind them.

“Report, Solider-”

Y/N had kept her voice soft, much softer than she’d usually make it sound when she was giving him a command like that.

He’d panted, blinking up at her with a rabid look behind his eyes.

That’s when she’d realised that something was really wrong.

The Solider wasn’t meant to feel fear, he’d had it trained out of him over nearly a hundred years, and although sometimes his eyes or his arm betrayed him, Y/N had never seen him as blatantly petrified as this.

“I don't know.” He’d barely grunted, eyes still darting around in assessment.

“Does anyone know you’re here?”

He’d shaken his head.

Fuck.

“Did you receive commands, in terms of where to go?”

The asset had straightened up a fraction then, and Y/N had thought it looked awfully like he was trying to decide wether he was safe to tell the truth.

“to get cleaned up.”

Y/N nodded calmly, letting out a slow breath as she accepted his statement.

She could swing that, if she had too, if someone found them, they could make that seem like an order taken the wrong way.

“You’re afraid?”

His voice had been thick, and dry and Y/N had found herself pausing, hand hovering above the medical supplies that she’d already made her way too.

“A little.” She’d replied honestly, grabbing her tray and gesturing for him to sit on stool that was lower than the table where he was usually placed. “But not of you.”

“Why not?” The Soldier had asked, skimming over her quickly in an attempt to assess her, “You are not strong enough to stop me, you are weaponless.”

Y/N had hummed in agreement, setting a damp cloth on the surface next to where she was now kneeling.

“I will not hurt you.”

He’d sounded certain, and she had nodded quickly, to enforce that belief.

“And I won’t hurt you.” She’d promised, “Sit, please.”

He’d obeyed instantly, folding down onto the afore mentioned stool with inhumane swiftness.

Y/N had reached up to tilt his chin to the side, to get a better view of the clear damage to his jaw.

He looked shocked, then, as he realised that she wasn’t going trying to worsen his condition.

Y/N had realised he was expecting to be harmed further, so she’d realised him.

“Tell me where it hurts” she’d requested quietly, knowing that she didn’t have the time to examine his body fully and still get everything done that she needed to.

“Clarify orders?” The solider had countered blankly, “Unable to comply.”

Y/N’s heart had dropped as she’d seen the shaking of his body.

“Are you saying that everywhere, hurts, solider?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Does anywhere hurt worse?” Y/N had pressed, trying not to let emotion taint her voice.

The man before her had closed his eyes for a moment, and she’d thought that that, was the first time she’d seen, the James Buchanon Barnes from the photographs.

“face, shoulder, leg.”

He’d nodded to the left side, and Y/N had nodded calmly, dabbing warm water over the cuts on his lip.

“You have a nice voice” She’d hummed, not wanting to stay silent while she was so invasively cleaning his cheeks, “do you remember where you’re from?”

That had been risky. She’d known that, even back then, but still, it had seemed worth it at the time, for the information, if nothing more.

“They tell me I’m from Brooklyn. Pierce says I sound like an American boy.”

Y/N had cringed at that, at the way that she could picture the crueler officers taunting him that way.

“Is he the one who did this?”

The solider had been silent for a few minutes in the wake of her question, and she’d worried that she’d gone too far, she didn’t have authorisation for that kind of report, he had no reason to reply, especially so soon after he’d clearly been on the receiving end of some kind of ‘correction.’

“He told me to comply- the others want to make me a better solider- I must’ve done something wrong.”

Y/N’s breath had caught in her throat, and she’d hoped he hadn’t noticed.

“Do you remember how many of them there where?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She’d chuckled then, despite herself, at the way he’d answered her so bluntly.

When she’d finally looked up at him again, she’d thought that there might have been a hint of a smile on his face, but she couldn’t be sure, and it seemed awfully unlikely, given the circumstances so she’d shaken it off.

Her palm was hot against his jaw, she could feel the broken bone pulsing beneath his skin, the idea of him speaking with it in such bad shape made her feel strangely guilty, but she couldn’t help but talk to him further-

“how many?”

“12”

He’d told her quietly.

Y/N kept her hands moving, she was making quick work of disinfecting his open wounds, but the evidence of his fractured bones was plainly visible underneath his skin, and she couldn’t help but feel utterly useless when she‘d realised there was little she could do to make that kind of injury any better for the man who was clearly risking everything to trust her.

“You know who they are?” She’d wondered, eyes flicking over the scar of his shoulder, he’d said that was one of the areas that hurt most, yet she couldn’t see any signs of damage to the tissue, that filled her with an awful sense of dread.

Her fingers had flittered over to his scar in search of any hidden wounds.

“Field team three” the solider had reported, seemingly unfazed by her prodding “they are working with me on my mission tomorrow”

Y/N had hummed and sat back on her heels, there’d been nothing sinister lurking around the prosthetic, so she’d decided to examine her work so far.

There was a pile of copper stained rags on the ground, and the man before her was still clearly in bad shape, but at least he was no longer covered in blood.

The lack of red only highlighted the abnormal swelling of his jaw, it was mottled deep blue and green, his eye socket was shiny too, but that was already hallowed with yellow that signalled that healing was close.

“You’ve had a lotta’ missions recently.” Y/N had commented, packing her things away, “you must be tired.”

His metal arm snarled loudly, but the solider stayed eerily still.

“Do you want to put me away?”

His words had hit her like a hammer on a nail, he sounded so hopelessly defeated that when Y/N had turned to face him instantly, her hands empty, she’d been surprised to see his posture still so open before her.

“No, solider.” she’d assured him, “I’m not someone who decides when you get put away.”

He’d known that, she’d thought, but when he’d nodded, and lowered his eyes a fraction she hadn’t been able to stop herself from reaching out to stroke his hair back away from his face.

“Please”

His voice had been gruff, and quiet, but she’d heard it all the same.

“What?” Y/N had pressed, her fingers lingering by his ears.

He’d huffed out a breath, averting his eyes subserviently.

“I should not have spoken.”

No, No, No. That wouldn’t do. Y/N hadn’t been able to accept that.

“You have permission, Solider. Speak freely.”

He’d looked almost hopeful then, as he’d let himself look back at her face.

“Please don’t pull my hair.”

God, Y/N’s heart had broken. She knew she’d never forget the hollow ache that his whispered plea had stirred inside her chest.

“I won’t” She’d promised softly, taking a risk by carding through the dark locks again, “I promise, Solider, no pulling.”

He’d let his eyes flutter closed, and even though the trusting gesture had only lasted a moment before he’d blinked himself back to reality, it had helped ease the pain in her gut.

“Thank you.”

Y/N shook her head, sitting back away from him again.

He’d looked so sad, so awfully lost, that the urge to take him in her arms and assure him of his safety had been almost intolerable.

but he wasn’t safe, neither of them were, and she’d known better than to lie to him, he’d had enough of that, already.

“You’ve been out of cryo awhile, huh?”

Again, she hadn’t really expected a response, but after a breath the solider had nodded and muttered out “5 weeks”

She’d nodded in understanding. That was too long, according to the handbook she’d read, much too long.

“I found your name.” Y/N had said, unable to hold back in the silence.

His head had snapped up then, to observe her more closely.

“m-my name?” He’d whispered, as though he couldn’t quite understand the words that had been on his tongue.

“It’s James.” She’d cooed, “but don’t tell anyone, okay?”

His brow had been furrowed in concentration.

Even with his distorted profile, Y/N couldn’t help but notice how out of sorts he looked.

“that- that doesn’t sound right” he’d mumbled, more to himself than to her. She’d been able to see the distress growing behind his gaze, she’d been able to hear the intense whirring of his arm.

“Shush” Y/N had soothed, reaching out to stroke his hair again, “don’t worry, it’s alright.”

He’d frozen under her touch.

He’d sat like a statue as she ran her fingers across his scalp.

“Sergeant James Buchanon Barnes” she’d whispered, “that’s who you are.”

His eyes had met hers, and suddenly, he’d looked like he remembered.

“Bucky.”

“What?” Y/N had asked, confused by not only his changed expression, but also the word he’d uttered so suddenly, “What’s Bucky?”

“I think that’s what-” The asset had whispered, “I think that’s what people called me- my- my friends.”

Oh, god. He’d definitely been off ice too long, he was definitely due a wipe.

She’d suddenly felt obscenely guilty, for the part she’d played in his current lucidity.

“Stop, now Solider.” Y/N had murmured, “You can’t think about that too much.”

He’d looked at her blankly for a second, until she’d tried to retract her hand from his head, and he’d reached across with startling speed, to hold her arm in place.

“Bucky” The Asset had corrected softly, “You’re not going to hurt me?”

“No” Y/N had promised, raising a brow as he’d lessened his grip, “No, Bucky, I’m not going to hurt you, but you’ve got to be careful, not everyone is-”

“a friend.” he’d mumbled, understanding. “It’s not my name anymore.”

Y/N had nodded, and been somewhat relieved.

“When we’re alone” she whispered, resuming her stroking of his skull, “When nobody else can hear, I’ll call you Bucky, if you’d like.”

He’d hummed in agreement, that was excentuated by the way he’d nodded a fraction.

“You’re a friend?”

The man had seemed so lost, then. So alone and afraid that the idea of anyone abusing him had made Y/N’s stomach ache.

“I’m a friend.” She’d confirmed, “You like this?” Her eyes had gestured towards her fingers.

The Solider- Bucky- had just hummed again.

“I- I don’t think I am supposed to like things”

His voice had seemed strange, compared to the monotone, certain tone it normally held, he sounded young, now, unsure and vulnerable.

Y/N had known then, that she was going to do her best to keep him out of trouble, until she could find a way to get them both out of there for good.

“Friends don’t tell secrets.” She’d told him softly, not overtly telling him that this whole interaction had to stay as one. “Are you still in pain?”

Bucky had shifted a little before grunting a quiet “It’s better.”

“Your bones should heal soon” Y/N had told him, easing up a little to pull back in place. “We’ve been quick, we should have some time before people come looking, if you’d like to rest.”

“Rest?” The man had seemed utterly shocked by her offer.

“Mhm” She’d confirmed, “just lay down, you’re safe with me.”

“Safe?” that word had sounded foreign to him, too.

“Yes, Bucky” Y/N had watched his reaction to his name with curiosity, “You’re safe, you’re with a friend, remember?”

He’d offered her a cautious nod, before looking around the room, in search of somewhere to settle.

“Will you come with me?” The Solider had asked, “to rest?”

“Would you like that?”

“I think so.”

Y/N had lead the way over to her make shift bed. She’d nodded down and helped the injured man to fold down until he was flat on his back, staring at her with piercing intensity.

She hadn’t wanted to get too close, to spook him or trigger something unpleasant.

But when she’d moved to sit next to him, he’d pulled the covers that she’d tucked in around him back, and ushered her against his unharmed side.

“I’ll protect you.” He’d promised, as soon as she’d settled into position. “I won’t hurt you.”

Y/N had rolled over to look at his face. He’d been frozen, stiff on his back, his eyes still aimed up at the stones above them, but he looked certain again, confident and committed.

“I know” She’d agreed, “I’ll protect you, too- I won’t hurt you, either.”

“I know.”

[ x ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

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isagrimorie · 1 year

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You know what I've wanted but I never thought they'd address in Star Wars Ahsoka?

Ahsoka's tendency to be just as lethal as Anakin. Obi-Wan could never kill Anakin but I believe with all my heart despite loving Anakin and maybe even because she loves Anakin, Ahsoka would have killed Anakin if she were in Mustafar too.

It would have broken Ahsoka but she would have gone through with it -- I believe she'd have done it too in Malachor, she'd die trying at least.

(source: @padawan-tano from this gifset)

But also at 16 years old, she beheaded 4 Death Watch members SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Even if Obi-Wan can do this move, he wouldn't choose to do this move because he wasn't a Wartime Jedi. I don't remember if this is before or after the Citadel arc. Looking it up, yeah, the Citadel arc happened in season 3, the Citadel mission was one of the hardest missions she's been on in her young life.

There was a reason neither Obi-Wan and Anakin wanted her there, so Plo-Koon, what the hell!? (I love you Plo-Koon but you spoil Ahsoka).

As this meta points out the Citadel arc is when the war gets real for Ahsoka in a way she can't just push away.

It's subtle and it's not called out but Ahsoka basically does something that Anakin did where Anakin stabs a bad guy in the back and the first notes of the imperial march begin to sound.

And ironically it's to save Tarkin.

Ahsoka had to stab an enemy in the back to save Tarkin (of all people, I bet Ahsoka regrets saving Tarkin years later).

The way Ahsoka stares dazedly at the man she killed by stabbing him in the back... The Citadel arc was rough on Ahsoka.

And then Tarkin tells Anakin: "You've trained her well."

No wonder Ahsoka's afraid she was a little too much like Anakin.

It doesn't help that a ghost of a potential future tells her:

(source by @mlmanakin)

“There is a wildness to you, young one. Seeds of the dark side planted by your master. Do you feel it?”

and then later: "There are many contradictions in you... and in him."

And I am so, so excited that we might be delving into Ahsoka's contradictions. She can be the warmest person in the room but god, can she also make the coldest, most pragmatic decisions for war.

Easily one of the coldest was her decision to set Maul free and use him as a distraction during the Siege of Mandalore - Shattered.

(source by @manny-jacinto)

Ahsoka doesn't want to directly kill or maim the Clone Troopers herself, but it doesn't mean she won't use someone else to do it.

If Maul dies in this, it would be one more thing off her hands.

And I don't think people really get what function Ahsoka served in the fledgling rebellion-- she was basically in Luthen's role in Andor. She's not as quick to go to the most expedient solution, but it doesn't mean she won't.

In season 1 of Star Wars Rebels Ahsoka, as Fulcrum, told Hera to leave Kanaan in the hands of the inquisitor, knowing full well what would be done to Kanaan. She was in the Citadel arc where Jedi were imprisoned, tortured, and killed. Ahsoka knew. But she did the cold math in her head -- but if it weren't for Ezra's message that reminded Ahsoka who she was fighting for and why....)

Ahsoka basically did the cold math in her head at the start of 1x04, Fallen Jedi, when she told Sabine they might have to destroy the map and strand Ezra in another universe in order to keep Thrawn from entering their galaxy and restarting another war.

This is why Baylan's condemnations:

Really, really got to Ahsoka.

When Ahsoka told Sabine in 1x03, that anger unbalances her -- it's extra true of Ahsoka.

But I also don't want to discount what Ahsoka's mother taught her about death, how one must respect death but not fear it, and how that might have influenced Ahsoka's understanding of death as a warrior.

Still, I feel Ahsoka has the same fear as Buffy did -- that all this killing has made her cold with a bonus fear that she might be too like her old Master and fall into the dark side.

I'm so excited for 1x05 and see how this will all tie together now that she's seeing Anakin again. Snips and Skyguy have a lot to talk about and resolve.

#ahsoka tano #star wars #star wars: the clone wars #flashing gif #flashing images #ahsoka spoilers #star wars rebels #star wars ahsoka #ahsoka 1x04

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sailorshadzter · 10 months

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from the ashes of war we rise like stars in the sky

The world where the Avatar has fallen and the war was instead won by the Fire Nation is cruel and dark. Team Avatar tried to get the upper hand with a battle, but the battle cost them more than they could imagined. Those who survived were separated, unknowing if their teammates lived or died. Will they survive long enough to become a group once more? Zutara based.

a rewrite (and continuation).

read on ao3

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

chapter 6

chapter 7

chapter 8

The dungeon is dark and damp.

It’s something that despite all the time that’s passed, she’s yet to grow accustomed to it. The small cell is windowless, so she lives in the dark always, never knowing when it is day or night. She lives in perpetual darkness. At first, when she’d first been brought to this place, she had railed against the heavy oak door, banging her fists and using her own sweat to cut away at the wood… But in the end, it was too much for her on her own and she was left with no other choice but to give in and accept the fate she’d been dealt.

That was months ago now, or so she assumes. It’s hard to keep track of time, considering her circumstances, and she can only guess just how long it has been. She never knows what one day will bring- death, she thinks most days, and some of those days she thinks it might just be better if that were the case. To continue living this way… Through starvation and torture, through pain and suffering… She isn’t certain how much longer she can take it all. But, the Fire Nation keeps her alive, perhaps to be used as bait someday against Zuko, or perhaps for another reason entirely, she couldn’t really say.

After Aang had fallen to Ozai the day of Sozin’s Comet, everything had changed. With his life had fled the hope of the world and the faith that anyone could defeat the Fire Nation. They had tried to rally the troops, to keep on fighting without Aang, but in the end, there was no healing the broken hopes of the world that had lost their Avatar. So, after a battle that had left her separated from the others, she went on the run, hiding out where she could and being protected by those still loyal to the Avatar’s cause, even if they were far and few between. It’s been so long now since she last saw Sokka or Toph or Zuko that she doesn’t even know if they lived or died… She misses them. She misses them all.

Not long after fleeing the Earth Kingdom, in hopes of finding the others, she’d been caught by a troop of soldiers that had beaten her. In a state of exhaustion from weeks of running, of fighting, of fear, they had overpowered her four to one and she’d been brought back to the Fire Nation, right to the Fire Lord- no, the Phoenix King as he styled himself now. He had offered her a deal… Plead for her life and swear an everlasting oath to him and the Fire Nation and he would release her from her prison. She’d spit at his feet in response.

And so, that was how she found herself where she was now, rotting away in this damp prison cell.

On this night, she finds she cannot sleep, not something all that unusual for her. The straw pallet they gave her as a bed is little more than a few inches thick, she might as well sleep on the stone floor, and she’s uncomfortable from a wound she’d sustained just the day before. She tosses and turns for the better part of several hours, staring sometimes at the ceiling, other times at the wall or door, until…

Footsteps.

She’s on alert now, listening closely, wondering for a moment if she’s only just imagined the sound. Footsteps would only mean trouble for her, after all. She lays in silence, waiting, wondering, when the next sound comes. It’s the lock on her door clicking and she knows without a doubt that the door to the cell will swing open at any moment. The late hour surprises her, but she supposes she shouldn’t be shocked, considering all the other abuse she’s suffered at the Fire Nation’s hands.

The door slowly opens, the familiar creak of the hinges sending chills down her spine.

There, in the doorway, is not a Fire Nation soldier, but rather, it is a tall form of what she knows must be a man, a blue mask over his face. She doesn’t move, rather, remains still and silent beneath the thin sheet she’s covered up with, a hundred different thoughts racing through her mind. And then… “Katara…?”

She blinks, attention caught most certainly now. Even now, despite the time that had passed, she would know the pitch of that voice anywhere. But, she doesn’t dare believe it, she cannot get her hopes up like that. It was impossible after all, that Zuko would be standing there in her doorway. “Katara… It’s me…” He’s speaking again, softer now, slower, and her heart skips a beat in her chest. Only then does she sit upright, turning her head so she might stare into the face of the masked man, wondering just how this could be happening.

He can’t believe his eyes.

There she sits before him, a ghost of the girl he recalls, so very different from who he remembers her to be. But, her brilliantly blue eyes have the very same penetrating gaze he knew so well and her dark hair falls long down her back in the same way hers once did. After all this time, he’d found her. It takes every ounce of his self control not to rush to her side, to take her into his arms and whisk her away from this place. But he can see from the sight of her that she’s terrified, that she’s injured, and fuck is she skinny. Always slim and well built, she’s little more than a skeleton it seems from how her tunic hangs from her limbs. White hot anger surges through him, but Zuko knows that now is not the time for that. His feelings could and would certainly come later, but right now his focus had to be on getting her out of this place alive. “It’s okay, Katara, I’m here…” He whispers, holding out a hand to her, though he spares one glance over a shoulder, listening intently for any sign that he’s been discovered. So far, so good. “I’m here to help you.” He knows that from this moment on, she would need him and he vows right then and there to himself that he would never let her down.

She sucks in a breath, hesitant, still yet unable to believe that this could be real. But when Zuko outstretched a hand for her to take, she’s reminded of a memory so long ago, when he’d once done the very same thing to her. “Zuko…” Her voice cracks over the once familiar syllables of his name, her blue eyes widening ever so slightly. As she reaches out her hand, hesitantly at first, she watches him push back the mask he wears with his other hand; golden eyes stare back at her. As her hand slips into his, a shiver races the length of her spine and suddenly she knows, suddenly, that flicker of hope she’d felt at the sight of him before becomes ignited.

Carefully, slowly, gently, he draws her up off the cot and onto her feet, steadying her where she stands before he envelops her into his warm embrace. Now that he holds her, he can feel how frail she’s truly become and his heart turns over. She sinks into him, her own arms wrapping around his waist as she breathes in his scent that even after all this time is familiar to her. “It really is you…” She whispers, burying her face into his chest as he holds on as tightly as he dares, fearful of hurting her any further.

But when he draws back to hold her at arm’s length, he swallows against the rising tide of emotions, forcing himself to keep his face passive as he stares at her. He can see a cut that’s half healed over her left eye, her right cheek bruised, her lips showing signs of once being punched. “I’m getting you out of here,” he says as he turns away, dropping down to his hunches before her, gesturing for her to climb onto his back. When she doesn’t move right away, he smiles, reaching for her hand to give it a tender squeeze. “Come on…” He murmurs and finally, she moves, climbing onto his back as he wants, allowing his arms to sweep beneath her frame, holding her into place. She’s struck by the memory of doing this very same thing with Sokka and their father and tears glisten in her eyes as she once again wonders what has become of those she loved on the outside.

Returning his mask into place, Zuko steps out into the dark corridor, thankful to find it’s still empty. They make their way down the hall and turn a corner, hearing for the first time any sign of another person around. He steps into the closest empty room and Katara holds her breath as the sound of approaching footsteps grow louder. It’s two guards coming, talking about a recent outburst of their Phoenix King- “.... Fire to all of the curtains…” one is saying as they pass the room they hide within, taking the corner that they’d just come around. His heart skips a beat and Zuko prays to whatever God is listening that they were not on their way to check in on her… But their footsteps fade away and only then does he return to the hall and begin to run.

They make their way through the winding corridors until they come to a dead end, making Katara wonder if he’d taken a wrong turn somewhere. But, to her shock, there comes a noise to their left and she’s turning her head to watch as a panel of the wall begins to shift, revealing an old man standing there, a small flame glowing in his palm. She knew him at once, it was Zuko’s uncle Iroh. “Come quickly,” he says and they slip through, Iroh replacing the panel as if it had never been moved at all. “It’s safe, they are all quite distracted with the council meeting,” he continues, giving her a little indication as to why they’d chosen today of all days to come to her as they have. “But let’s not press our luck.”

Together, they walk the long pathway of this dark corridor, the only light that of Iroh’s flame. But as they reach the end, he steps forward, pushing what she sees to be a large boulder aside, giving them a place to exit. And then, for the first time since the day she was captured, she realizes she’s outside. Hissing in pain, the sunlight so bright, she buries her face in Zuko’s shoulder, wishing for the darkness she’d grown to know for just a split second.

“Let’s get her back,” Zuko says and Iroh nods, taking note of the girl’s appearance; it was worse than he had expected, but she was alive and for that he was thankful.

Only now, as they walk away from the place that’s been her prison all this time, she feels safe. And that was when she allowed the suddenly overwhelming sense of exhaustion take hold and with her head resting against Zuko’s strong shoulder, she drifted off to sleep.

[ x x x ]

When she wakes, it’s in a strange place, but it’s in a bed- a real bed.

Suddenly, it’s all coming back to her now, the memory of the masked man coming to her rescue… But not just any man, it had been Zuko who came to save her. Her hands rise up simply so they can run over the length of her face, her heartbeat quickening in her chest as she recalls the memories of that night, of that moment. She then makes the first attempt at sitting up, but finds there’s a weight over her legs which prevents her from making it very far. A slow smile spreads over her face at the sight of Zuko there, asleep and draped over her legs, his dark hair falling into his face as he snores softly.

But then, as if attuned to her being, he’s waking, golden eyes blinking open before he’s surging forward, shocked and relieved at the same time. “Katara!” He nearly shouts her name as he comes to the head of the bed, helping her up into a sitting position against the pillows. “How are you feeling? Can I get you something?” He looks as if he’s not slept in days or more, shocking her, forcing her to wonder just how long it’s been since he came to rescue her from the dungeon.

“Water,” she rasps, realizing a moment later just how dry her throat has become. Zuko is on the move then, pouring her a cup from a pitcher on the side table and he himself presses it to her lips, carefully tipping it back to give her a small sip. The taste is more refreshing than she ever recalls the taste to be and it floods her with a strange sensation. “Thank you,” she says next, turning to look at him as he settles into place in the chair he once occupied. “How long…” The words die on her lips and Zuko knows she isn’t asking how long they’ve been here.

“Six months,” he says softly, knowing better than to ever lie to her. He watches as that realization dawns upon her and she accepts it willingly, perhaps a part of her had always known it had been a long time.

“How did you find me?” She asks next, tilting her head as she stares at him.

“My uncle,” he admits, thinking of the dozens if not hundreds of conversations they’d had about the situation. “I came here looking for him after you’d been taken, like most everyone else, we’d gone off on our own or been separated.” Zuko recalls those days as if they’d been yesterday; days of wandering alone, without reason, without purpose, lost and alone. In those first few days after they’d lost the fight and Aang, Zuko had thought about giving up. But it had been Katara to touch his hand and remind him that there was still something to fight for. There was a reason to live. So, they had fought on the best that they could, until that last fight that had left them separated. Then he’d gotten word about Katara… His only thought had been to find her, to save her, but try as he might he could get no leads. That was until he’d found his uncle. “He’s been hiding here in plain sight this whole time,” he gestures around, as if there were more to this place beyond the four walls they reside within.

“And no one turns him in?” Katara asks, surprised.

“No one here knows him,” Zuko admits with a shake of his head. “And those who do would never turn him in.” Here in the poorest part of the Fire Nation, there is little love for the Phoenix King and his ideals. “He’s running a tea shop.” To his surprise, and delight, she smiles, thinking of the kind-hearted Iroh serving tea to the poorest of his nation’s inhabitants. “He was the one who said you must surely be at the palace.” The rest was history. After many weeks, no months, of planning, they had found their way into the palace and thus, found her. “You should rest…” he says next, noticing her pallor, noticing her pain.

Katara smiles again, but she doesn’t fight him as she once might have.

“I’ll come back later,” he assures her as he helps her back against the pillows, drawing the blankets up and over her frame. He turns to go, because he knows she needs the time, the space. “Sleep well,” he says softly, turning back to her, but finds she’s already drifted off back to sleep, bringing a small smile to his face. He slips from the room, leaving the door cracked open, so he or his uncle might hear her should she need something.

“She woke?”

It is his uncle there, a tray of tea in his hands. Zuko nods and the older man breaks out in a grin, delighted by the news. “Now, you must go and rest yourself, nephew.” Zuko opens his mouth to protest, but Iroh won’t hear a word of it. “No need, I will take care of her should she wake again,” he won’t allow his nephew to fall ill himself simply out of worry for the girl. “Go on now, I’ll wake you if we need you,” but they certainly would not need him. For a long moment they remain as they are, Zuko casting his gaze back towards the door that separates him from her. “She needs you to be well rested, Zuko,” his uncle says softly, the only words that could ever make him change his mind. Only then does he nod, pausing for one moment to put his hand to his uncle’s shoulder, their twin colored eyes meeting for a long moment. Then he was gone, disappearing into the other room, once which he’d not occupied since returning with Katara some days ago.

As he climbs into his own bed, he rolls onto his side so he can face the only wall that separates them. He hopes, as he draws the blankets around him, that she sleeps soundly, that when he wakes next he will find her smiling, just as she always did. His eyes close and he drifts off, his last waking thought that of her blue eyes and just how brightly they once shined.

He would get that shine back if it was the last thing he did.

#zutara #zuko x katara #my writing #i wrote this #atla fanfic

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