#not exactly a dead name tho more than just he thought it sounded absolutely stupid

[sugared-bones]

Might as well post some of my art here, I finished some ref pages for my ocs recently

[softpatts]

꒦꒷ִֶָ· . the obey me characters preferred nicknames (as well as their reactions because i cant stay on topic)

warnings: none !!

fandom: Obey Me!

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ᜊʕ っ◞ ˕ ◟c ʔ.. ♡︎ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠: ayee im,, not dead ^^; im soso sorry for not posting- havent had much motivation to write latley,, as you can probably tell !! so again,, sorry !! but have these,, kinda shitty headcanons ~ !! <3

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𝙻𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛:

- hes really old fashioned with pet names

- will automatically call you "Darling",, no i dont take criticism

- as the relationship progresses hell call you more,, such as sweetheart,, doll,, mine,, pos s i b l y babydoll though im a bit iffy on that one

- hes just a sucker for nicknames like those,, the old sappy ones,, and god the way he says it fits perfectly,, just the slight accent he puts into it is,, mWAH

- as for him,, he doesnt have any preffered nicknames,, but something about the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth

- god he loves it so much

- though besides his name his favorite would probably be darling/my love

- it seems so intimate and he loves how hes the only one you call that,, nobody else

𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗:

- weve seen what this man calles MC,, his human,, he likes most nicknames as long as theres "my" in front of it

- though the ones he called you most are stupid,, idiot,, dummy,, you can see the pattern

- while that i s how he expresses his love,, if he sees its bothering you even the slightest bit hell stop right away

- hes pretty rough with affection,, but he wILL call you doll,, no doubt about it

- and the way it soUN D S AAA it sounds so pretty and god its just,, wow

- when it comes to calling HIM nicknames,, he loves being called baby (or baby boy,, but hell never admit to that one)

- no matter how long you two have been together hell get extremely blushy n flustered whenever you call him that,, hell tell you to shut up,, spoiler alert he doesnt want you to

- please keep calling him that he loves it akdhsk

𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒:

- hes extremely akward with it at first,, and youll probably have to bring it up first

- i feel like hell call you his "irl waifu" alot,, or hell call you his "henry"

- though in the private of his or your room,, hell call you really sappy names like princess,, baby,, or anything with "my" in front of it,, though he only really calls you baby when youre teasing him

- hell stretch out the "y" n say it in a really whiny voice aA

- the first time he called you princess was one night,, after staying up for days on end,, he finally crashed,, he was close to passing out while leaning against you

- though before he fell asleep you heard him whisper a soft "night princess" AND OH MY GOD AKDHSK

- switching to him now,, he loves it when you call him handsome,, or your prince

- every time itll make his heart soar and hell turn into a fumbling blushy mess,, like mammon he wILL call you stupid,, and tell you to shut up

- once agAIN DONT- DONT SHUT UP HE LOVES IT

- theres been many occasions where hes accidentally called you a really cheesy cutsey nickname in front of mammon,, and god he never lets it go

- hell tease levi endlessly,, mocking him in a wierd voice that you assume was supposed to be levis..?

- but no matter how much he gets teased for it,, he loves being called pet names

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚗:

-hell definitely call you kitty,,, doesn’t matter where,, in the bedroom,, in front of his brothers,, even in the presence of Lord Diavolo himself

- he thinks it fits !! seeing as he likes cats,,, and likes you even more,, what better than to call you his kitty??

- I feel like he’s also the type of person to call you baby,, but in a really deep n fancy voice,, fancy?? I think that’s right AKDHSK

- but he loves your reactions,, no matter if it’s getting extremely flustered,, or you doing it right back to him !!

- the first time Lucifer heard him call you kitty,, mans spit out his drink- he was,, surprised to say the least??

- after that it just pissed him off,, so aye another reason to keep calling you his kitty !!

- he enjoys any nicknames,, though if you call him master- WOOH lemme just say this man will go feral aA he loves it,, he’ll get flustered if it’s in a public setting though- he’s all for calling you embarrassing nicknames but when you flip it around all of a sudden he’s against it 😞

- (just saying,, thats a lie- he loves it when you call him that in public akdhdk he likes people knowing he’s yours as much as you’re his !!

𝙰𝚜𝚖𝚘:

-he calls you baby,, precious,, cutie,, all tho s e akdhsk 

- hell do it in a real,y high pitched,, almost baby voice n it’s sweet at first,, but gets annoying when he wONT SHUT UP

- if he knows it annoys you,, no he won’t stop,, he’ll do the opposite in fact,, he’ll do it even more !!

- if you start getting “angry” he’ll drape himself over you n try to kiss you while saying “you know you love meeee” drawing out the e

- when he does that the others swear he drunk,, actually drunk?? no,, love drunk?? yes,, yes very much

- he loves you,, and he’s not gonna stop showing you exactly how much he loves you !!

- now that’s what he calls you,, but ypu calling hIM nicknames ><

- he lOVES LO V E S it when you call him things like "pretty boy" "cutie" "handsome"

- they just make his heart flutter,,, and though he may get those all the time,, them coming from you just makes it an absolute gift

- hell often retort back with one of your nicknames

- "what are ya doing handsome??"

- "nothing really cutie~ i was planning on going to this new salon that opened up though,, would you like to come?"

- something about you calling him nicknames just,, mwah !!

- he also loves when you call his personality pretty,, or compliment his personality/traits,, hes used to compliments about his physical body,, but hi m and what he can actually do makes his heart flutter,, and hed actually get somewhat flustered !!

𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚕:

- He definitley calls you sth food related,, his creampuff,, dumpling,, honey,, sweetheart,, just really sweet n nice nicknames,,, he loves the way it sounds when he talks to you

- the first time he called you that was in the kitchen,, he had heard satan talking about these things that were common in relationships called "pet names"

- so you walked into the kitchen one night n it was the first thing that came to his mine

- "hey there creampuff,,"

- wh a t

- you had to do a double take,, but,, after a few seconds you answered

- "is something wrong??" please he thought he made you uncomfy,, or satan was wrong,,,

- "no !! i just,,, wansnt expecting that from you"

- hell call you nicknames ALOT

- first thing in the morning,, randomly in the hallway,, just anytime hes able to hell call you nicknames,, its gone to the point where hell rarley call you by your actual name

- he loves it when you call him "my man",, "baby",, "sweetheart",, but his favorite would have to be "my love"

- nicknames with "my" in them make his heart flutter

- the first time you called him a nickname he froze up and got all blushy

- he didnt at all exepect that,, and you sounded so casual??? what???

- he pulled you over you him,, wrapped his arms around you,, and rested his head on top of yours

- he didnt let go for,, quite a while

𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚎:

- belphie isnt actually one for nicknames,,, he doesnt think it makes any sense,, why should he call you anything other than your name??

- though if you ask,, or it comes up at all that you want him to call you something,, hell do it without hesitation- aksjak

- he calls you sleepyhead. No i dont take criticism- it doesnt matter if you nap as much as him or not hes calling you sleepyhead

- i feel like he also might call you his light,, or his sunshine,, just because of how he met you,,, n how at some points you seem like the only good thing in his life at that moment,,,

- "i love you, my light,, more than i could ever tell you."

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD PLEASE AKSJAJS

- as for you calling him nicknames,, he could really care less,, as long as its from you he loves it

- one of his favorites is "my moon" you just,, came up with it one day,, and he stuck with it,, and its gotten to the point where hell barley answer to his own name,, which can get him in a bit of trouble

- "belphie !! get yer ass up and help me with this !!"

- "belphie."

-"BELPHIE!!"

- "hm? Oh were you saying something?"

- "yes i called your name like a hundred times or somethin !!"

- sometimes he just doesnt answer you when you call him by his name,, and hell wait and stare at you until you until you call him by his nickname

𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 🏷️:

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[daenqyu]

— love language (2) kirishima eijirou

pairing: kirishima x fem!reader

warnings: suggestive (?

a/n: i don’t really like how this turned out, felt like i could’ve done better but oh well :/ also it’s a little longer because i got carried away hehe. anyways, i hope you guys had a good time during the holidays and that you’re staying safe!!

love language masterlist

kirishima’s love language is: words of affirmation

do i even need to explain this?

we all know this baby is very insecure even tho he has absolutely no reason to be:( and he doubts himself way too much 

so it’s not much a surprise that he loves compliments

especially when he doesn’t even have to ask for them

like when you’re at the gym working out together (he insisted you made him some company bc bakugou had refused to) and you can’t stop looking at him because GOD DAYUM👴🏾

“why are you looking at me like that, babe?” he asks after he puts down the weights he was just lifting 

you swallow hard, realizing just how shamelessly you were checking out your boyfriend 

“hm you’re handsome” you’re so straightforward and it takes kirishima aback, making him stop in his tracks to look at you with a faint blush on his cheeks

“you hate when i’m sweaty tho”

you shrug while walking over to him, “yeah because you smell but i never said you didn’t look good” 

let’s just say you ended up leaving the gym way earlier than expected 🏃‍♀️

kirishima also loves when you call him manly

it makes him feel all warm inside

probably one of the best compliments you can give him, if not the best one

but he doesn’t only like compliments

he also likes when you show him you care about him

like when you remember something he said a long time ago or you ask him about his day

“hey kiri, isn’t there going to be a new festival in town tomorrow? the one you wanted to go to?”

“yeah, how’d you know?”

“you told me about it a few months ago”

it’s something so small and meaningless, yet it makes kirishima’s heart melt

“you remember that?”

you look up at him from your phone, your brows furrowing at his question

“of course i do”

please you just have to do the bare minimum and you have the boy wrapped around your finger

it’s so cute because he always says ‘i love you’ whenever he has to leave you or even just to hang up the phone

he just wants you to know that he loves and appreciates you with every fiber in his body and that no one could ever change that

so that’s why he’s constantly showering you in his love

for example, whenever you feel insecure about your body and you voice out your concerns to him, he’s quick to look you dead in the eye and point out every little thing about you that he loves,

even the ones you hate so much

“baby, you’re absolutely mesmerizing and i’m not letting you think otherwise. i love every part of you and if you need me to remind you every day until you love yourself too then so be it”

he’s so romantic too oh my God don’t even get me started

whenever he has the chance, he writes you little notes and leaves them in your locker 

once, you opened it to take out your science book and a sticky note fell out 

‘hey princess! i hope you have a good day today, i love you. also we’re having dinner  tonight so get dressed up ;) - kiri’

a smile takes over your face as you keep reading your boyfriend’s sweet words a few more times

he likes giving more than receiving so expect LOTS of reassurance and random compliments 

the room is quiet as you lay down in your bed while reading a book, the only sound filling the room being the faint music coming out of your phone and the laughter of your roomates from next door. you indulge yourself in the novel on your hands, concentrating on the vivid descriptions so you can maybe picture exactly what the writer was trying to convey, but a knock on your door interrupts your train of thought. 

you ignore it, thinking it must be one of your friends doing some stupid prank again (aka denki and mina), but the person knocks a few more times, enough to annoy you, and so you end up standing up to open it. however, the frown on your face quickly goes away as soon as you see who’s the person who kept on insistently knocking. kirishima stands in front of you with a big smile on his face and you can’t help but copy his actions; just seeing him was enough to make your whole day perfect.

“hey, babe!” his tone is cheerful, as always, and he leans down to give you a kiss, one that ends up way too fast for your liking.

“hey, kiri. what are you doing here? weren’t you gonna hang out with bakugou and sero?” you close the door behind you once he enters. he sits down on your bed as if it was his own, stretching his arms out in the process and you lick your lips when his shirt rides up a bit, showing off his v-line and the outline of his abs. kirishima smirks when he notices your gaze, but doesn’t say anything about it.

“yeah, but sero is feeling sick and bakugou didn’t feel like going out so.” he shrugs, and you pout at him, feeling bad his friends basically ditched him.

“i’m sorry baby, i know how much you were looking forward to today.” you walk towards him and take a seat on his lap, your legs loosely wrapping themselves around his waist and his hands holding your hips steadily. he smiles at you one more time, completely ignoring the feeling of his heart hammering against his chest.

“it’s okay. besides, that just means i get to spend more time with you.” he says before kissing your neck softly, making you erupt in a fit of giggles as his lips tickled your sensitive skin. you wrap your hands around his neck and tilt your head to the side to give him more acces, biting down on your lower lip when he sucks on a certain spot. but before things can get too heated, kirishima pulls away and you whine at the loss of contact, which makes him chuckle. 

for a few minutes neither of you say anything, simply enjoying each other. you rest your head on one of his shoulders while your hands play with his own, touching his fingers gently and kissing his knuckles from time to time. he smiles down at you, asking himself what the hell did he ever do to deserve someone as precious as you. 

you’re so good to him; always making sure he’s eating well and that he isn’t overworking himself, helping him with homework whenever he doesn’t understand something, taking care of him when he gets sick, hyping him up when he starts a new hobby, and so much more. you do so much for him and sometimes he wonders if he’s doing enough for you, because he doesn’t ever want you to doubt his love for you.

with that though in mind he takes your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him while squeezing your cheeks slightly. you send him a questioning look, wondering what the hell is he doing, but he just kisses your forehead before speaking up.

“you’re so gorgeous.” the compliment takes you by surprise and your eyes widen slightly.

“where is this coming from?”

“well you are. and i love you so much.” you know kirishima likes to compliment you and let you know how he feels about you, but this time feels different.

“babe what are you-”

“thank you for taking care of me and loving me, for making my days better and for believing in me,” his thumb caresses your cheek and you instantly lean in to his touch, your eyes focused on his. “you mean everything to me and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without you. so i promise to never leave your side, to love you until my last breath and possibly even after that.” your breath hitches in your throat when you notice how serious he is, not missing the passion that drips from his words. 

you can feel tears forming in your eyes so you distract yourself by kissing kirishima roughly, pulling at the ends of his red hair and bringing your body impossibly close to his. he groans against your mouth when you press down on his lap, pulling away to give you a few more kisses before flipping you over so you’re laying under him. a smirk grazes your lips at the change of positions and before he can continue with whatever it is he wants to do, you kiss his cheek gently. kirishima blushes and looks away from you, but you just smile.

“i love you, eijirou.” the way his heart flutters when he hears his first name leaving your lips it’s actually embarrassing and he wastes no time before connecting your lips again and pouring all of his emotions into it. 

if there was one thing both of you were 100% certain about was your love for each other, because you knew that no matter what happened, whether you broke up in the future or not, you would always consider him your soulmate. 

[mercuryislove]

Don’t hate me but… I kinda want you to answer all of the deep dive WIP asks 🥺 if that’s unreasonable tho, just 2, 9, and 10 please!

I am SORRY for the delay!!! i answered every question for BOTH projects so you're in for like.... several thousand words of shit that makes absolutely no sense, but i hope you you enjoy it! :)

1. Who are two characters that don't like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?

White Crane: okay this is hard because like. so many people do not like each other. (I know I made a post once about how terrible it would be to be one of twenty-eight people that have the power of dead gods but are trapped in stupid human bodies and you're all a thousand years old and hate each other so so so so so much because you all SUCK.) But for the sake of simplicity, I will talk about Ciaran and Sihla who never got along but only played nice to keep Anwei happy. They absolutely do NOT put aside their differences lmao once everything kind of, um, blows up between the three of them, all they want to do is KILL each other. She makes it her life's goal to make him suffer, and he basically loses his sanity in the process of trying to find a way to kill her for good. The beef is unbelievable. ANYWAY, what they reveal about each other is that Ciaran is not nearly as innocent in anything as he likes to pretend and Sihla is not as guilty as everyone says she is. I mean, she is still a terrible person in many ways, but that does not excuse the things he did to her all those years ago. She hates him for many, many good reasons.

Old Blood: Andhira HATES the entire Ekion family, but specifically the oldest son (who does not have an official name yet.... oops). He doesn't much care for her either but is usually too busy trying to better his social standing to worry too much about her. Except when they're in the same room together (which happens semi-regularly because her brother is kind of in love with him lmao). They hate each other for the exact same reason and it's that they're both SO arrogant. They look down on everyone around them (which in Andhira's case is like. fair. She's the firstborn of the two most powerful people on the planet, and the only person that comes close to that level of power is her twin brother who was born a mere fourteen minutes after her) but think the other is completely unjustified in their actions. Really all it reveals to a reader is that they both kind of suck and need to get over themselves because all that behavior does is make people resent you. They only put aside their differences because she does kind of need his help once or twice, but they would gladly spit in each other's face and/or push each other down a flight of stairs in the name of pettiness.

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2. What do you hope your readers will take away from your wip? Is there an intentional theme to the story?

These can be answered together! I started writing these stories because I wanted to have fun but they've both kind of morphed into a long-winded way of saying that like. it's okay to be messed up and hate yourself and have major internal struggles because there are people who still love you. I KNOW it doesn't sound like that from uhhhhhh literally everything I've ever said about this stuff but bear with me. The BIG theme is that love is EVERYTHING. All kinds of love. It's the reason to keep on going. You are never alone, even strangers can love you in their own way, etc etc etc etc. Also gay love fucking prevails always and forever.

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3. What do you love most about your protagonist?

Yixing is funny and weird and definitely a horse girl and he kind of sucks sometimes because he's stubborn as hell and has terrible people skills and maybe also a drinking problem, but he is kind and empathetic and despite the absolute hell he's lived through, he still sees the good in people and knows that it's easy to make mistakes and that most people deserve second chances in life. Also I like him because he is without a doubt the ideal man and I made him that way on purpose. And god I wish we could drink together. I'm talking stumbling drunk, crying on the bathroom floor, please-hold-my-hair-i'm-about-to-throw-up kind of drinking. We would have a great time being stupid together I think.

Vera is resilient and mean and stubborn and cold and off-putting and hard to get to know, and she sucks for those reasons but it's also why I love her so much. She has also lived through hell and it didn't make her try to see the good in people like Yixing does. It just made her bitter and resentful. She warms up over time, but she fights tooth and nail against it. I also love her so much because she is the archetype of like. the washed up former prodigy that has to return sort of against her will to her old life, and she realizes that she misses it in some ways but also remembers exactly why she left. I would Not want to drink with her (because she doesn't drink anymore), but I would love to take one of her art classes.

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4. Is there anything in the story that is implied but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?

White Crane: This is hard because I'm so invested in my own shit that it feels obvious to me, but I try to lay out a little candy trail that tells the reader that Ciaran and Anwei are Not What They Seem right from the start. It’s hard to explain without specific examples but it’s in the way they talk, they way they interact with other people, the way certain things they say don’t line up, etc etc etc. And there is a Big Hint of what will happen to Ciaran in the second and third installment, but idk if that counts. Also there are definitely implications that Yixing is trans but that's neither here nor there (honestly I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not he should be explicitly trans or if it should be left to reader interpretation because well... I don’t know if I'm capable of writing the nuance of transness because I'm not trans despite my complex and confusing relationship with gender but I'm also not a thirty-something year old Asian man NOR am I a god NOR am I a former vampire hunter NOR am I like. any of the things I write about other than a mean lesbian so. who knows?)

Old Blood: TRUE FANS already know this one, but regular degular readers that haven't participated in funny question friday or read my random late night posting would not immediately know that Josef and the Sovereign were once involved. Basically the only characters in the story that know are Josef, Luka, the Sovereign himself, and Tahire. But there are definitely some hints peppered throughout conversations and perhaps some photos and trinkets that Josef has kept after all this time... It has like no weight on the events of the story but I just think it's fun. Once again I am way too invested to know if it's easy to pick up on or not but I think it takes some theorizing about maybe? Other than that there aren’t any significant secrets.

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5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does the backstory affect the narrative?

White Crane: this is unfair because some of the characters are almost a thousand years old and some of them are like. 35. I DO have a full timeline written out of the thousand years of history that Ciaran and Anwei have lived through, if that counts as an answer. Like it doesn't have every single day and year, but it has all the big events for sure. Barring that, Yixing definitely has a pretty complex backstory. The man gets around lol and I try (and maybe fail?) to make him seem not too complex initially but then things get revealed and you learn more about him and are like “oh my god no wonder this man has Problems.” Also if he was like. “normal” and perhaps “well-adjusted” the story would not exist at all because he is the way he is and makes some of the stupid decisions he does because of his weird little life.

Old Blood: ONCE AGAIN, this is unfair because the Sovereign is like older than god. And Vera is 37. But like. I haven't fleshed him or any of the old ass vampires out nearly as much as Vera so there's your answer I guess? And I guess the important things are known from the start (that she was a prodigy, that she retired because terrible shit happened and she couldn't handle it, that she suffers from significant ptsd because of it, etc), but there is a lot of detail that doesn't come out until much later when she has to confront her Feelings (ewww feelings). Uh... the backstory affects the narrative because it wouldn't exist at all if Vera wasn't plagued by her fucked up blood nightmares lol

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6. Which two characters have the most complicated relationship? How does their relationship develop over time?

White Crane: Ciaran and Anwei totally. They love each other because they're brother and sister and were all the other had for a VERY long time (and even when they were still uh mortal, they relied on each other constantly), but also they hate each other because they're brother and sister. You know how it is with siblings. I love my brother and sister to pieces but I can't imagine being immortal and having to put up with the both of them for all eternity (sorry guys if you are reading this somehow.... I love you but we are all so annoying god bless). They handled their newfound godhood very, very, very differently and it kind of colors their relationship for the rest of time. There were times where they were extremely codependent and other times where they didn't speak to each other for DECADES. At the start of our story, they're on much better terms and have buried all their hatchets, but it doesn't take much for that to change....

Old Blood: Probably Vera and Andhira? They're only brought together because of their shared fucked up blood nightmares, and neither of them like that thought. They both resent the other for everything they are, and Vera is pretty much completely hostile to Andhira about it for a long time (and Andhira is only just barely cordial lol), but obviously a significant part of the plot revolves around them like. falling in love so they DO get over it after a while :)

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7. What is the most heart-wrenching scene in your wip? Why?

White Crane: When Yixing fucking DIES. I feel like this one should be self-explanatory. But I mean if you would like further explanation, it's unpleasant and slow and agonizing and nobody can do anything to stop it (haha....... unless?) so Ciaran gets to hold him for a long time and feel really bad about it lol

Old Blood: idk if there are any really heart-wrenching scenes but there are definitely some miserable and uncomfortable scenes like where Vera relives in vivid detail the days that she witnessed the gruesome deaths of her young apprentice and her last lover. They're upsetting because those are the two days that basically ruined her life (and one was the final straw that sent her spiraling completely out of control) and it's painful to watch her have to live with the guilt of what happened even if it wasn't her fault.

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8. What is a song that you associate with your wip? Explain.

White Crane: not to be basic but absolutely without a doubt in my stupid mind “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears lol it's because uh. well. Everybody wants to rule the world right? Basically way back in 2019 when I was crafting the ideas for the dnd campaign that became this thing instead, I was definitely having a metal gear moment (honestly I’m about to have a metal gear moment NOW lol) and was listening to a lot of like. mgs adjacent music and latched onto this song (and also promises, promises by naked eyes lmao) as some like thematic element. Like my brain making amvs. You know how it is. ANYWAY the point is. The concept was originally way different and was supposed to be more about the immediate aftermath of the so-called end of the world (yes Yixing was still there and yes he was still just some guy), and it focused a lot more on power struggles between all of these insane people that were granted godhood in the wake of the dying world. Which........ is something I'd like to write about at some point because it's intriguing in its own way but at the time I was unequipped to write about that when I really just wanted to write about people who are, for all intents and purposes, quite average getting caught up in the batshit drama of higher powers. (fun fact: Ciaran was supposed to be a tyrant king that ran a death cult and Anwei and Yixing were working together to figure out a way to kill him. Which is. Kind of what my dnd campaign is like now lol BASICALLY he's like if Big Boss was unkillable and could also rip souls out of people's bodies and eat them. I absolutely do not remember what this question originally was. Something about a song?)

Old Blood: THIS is the reason it took me so long to answer this whole thing. I thought long and hard and looked through all my playlists and listened to random songs that came to mind but it turns out the song I was looking for was right in front of me the whole time. DUH. It's “Golden Light” by Twin Shadow :) In my humble homo interpretation, I think it's a song about being afraid to fall in love and. Well. That's the whole point. Also #spoilers but the first time Vera sees Andhira and is like “oops I think I have feelings” is when they've just arrived at Andhira's home and the sun is rising and she looks over at her as they stand at the top of a hill and she has her eyes closed to the sun and she's bathed in golden light and OOUGGGGHGHHH poetic cinema. (honorable mention goes to “Groove is in the Heart” by Deee-lite because it’s quintessential early 90s music that Vera would be super into)

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9. What does your protagonist want most? What would they do to achieve this? What is something they wouldn't do to achieve this?

White Crane: Yixing wants to be happy for once. Like actually really happy instead of just. getting by. There's a scene where they're making wishes for the next seasons during the summer solstice and someone asks what he wants and he's like “uh I guess I want to still be alive at the end of the year?” and the other person is like “isn't that what everyone wants? Raise the fucking bar please. What do you REALLY want?” and he's stands there for a really long time and thinks about it before finally saying “I think I just want to be happy for once” and everyone else is like. wow. Way to kill the fucking mood dude. Anyway. He has had fleeting moments of happiness in his life but wants nothing more than to feel that way forever. It's kind of hard to say what he wouldn't do for that because like. there's not really much you CAN do in the first place, so I feel like there's even less you couldn't do. I guess he wouldn't like sell his soul to the devil or something lmao (though by being involved with Ciaran he's pretty much halfway there)

Old Blood: to be left alone. Vera just wants a normal life. She really truly does want to pretend that none of the horrible shit happened to her and that she was never a world-famous hunter. And she wants to teach art classes and live a quiet life!!! I mean, she is already mostly doing that exact thing when we first meet her, but obviously she has some hindrances (aka fucked up blood nightmares). She is begrudgingly helping Andhira because she assumes that will fix her problem and that she'll be able to get to that quiet living as soon as all is said and done. The only thing she really wouldn't do to get what she wants is like... live somewhere far away from Josef and Luka lol She likes having them close by more than she wants to be left alone.

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10. Within your story's world, were there any events that impacted every character (or most characters)? How would they be different if this event never happened? (Alternatively, erase an important even from on character's backstory and imagine where they'd be now.)

White Crane: well. If the stupid old gods didn't all kill themselves and almost end the world then I guess none of this story would exist lol But the actual answer is like. If Yixing had never run out on his girlfriend of ten years then he wouldn't have moved across the continent to Jengmi and wouldn't have made a name for himself way out there and wouldn't have been scouted and recruited and wouldn't have met Ciaran or Anwei and wouldn't have gotten in the middle of the batshit grudge between a bunch of ancient petty gay people and wouldn't have DIED and wouldn't have made one of the ancient petty gay people in particular lose his grip on his humanity via a lust for power in a desperate attempt to guarantee his safety and wouldn't have been the reason that tens of thousands of people die in his name and wouldn't have accidentally set off a chain of events that resulted in him having to hunt down and kill the Actual God that started it all in a fit of jealous rage. So like. maybe he should have just gone through with the wedding. All things considered, his life would have been way less stressful.

Old Blood: uhhh, that's tough because the stuff that happens only really has any effect on the mortal characters (I mean yeah people still try to kill the Sovereign but they're too dumb to know the ACTUAL way to kill him.... haha unless??), so it would be more like a what if Vera didn't witness the violent deaths of both her apprentice and her lover and have a full blown nervous breakdown and abandon her career? Well...... I think most things in the plot would transpire more or less the same, except she would be WAY less pissed off about it. In fact, she would probably be hyped as hell to get the chance to make the acquaintance of the Sovereign's family like Josef had before her. The thought of Vera being upbeat and not a sleep-deprived asshole that hates being dragged back to her old life..... ew. Not that I enjoy her suffering but you know what I mean. It just wouldn't be the same.

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11. What is something from your wip that you just really want to ramble about?

Are you sure you're ready for this. This is going to be so so so so long I'm sorry in advance. It's Saturday night and I'm alone and kind of sad so I'm just going to let loose.

As I hone down plot elements for next two installments in my little trilogy, I have kind of become obsessed with the passage of time and how different it must feel to someone that, well, lives forever. One of the ways I'd written (that has since been kind of changed) for Yixing to start to figure out what Ciaran really is was that he would casually be looking through his bookshelf and find an old photograph of Ciaran, Anwei, and their mom standing backstage together after one of his performances. And when he eventually asks Ciaran about it, he gets upset because how dare you touch the one thing I have left to remember my mother? To remember what my life used to be like? There are so many names and faces and places and foods and sensations that I've forgotten in the 940 years I've lived like this and I would give anything I have to see any of it just one more time because I didn't know that the last time I would ever speak to my mom we would have an argument on the phone about how I need to go to the temple and pray for good fortune on my birthday, or that the last time I would ever see my best friend would be at 6am when we both came into the studio to practice and he asked me to go out to breakfast and I said no because I thought a nap would be more important. And there are so many people that I've watched die whose names I never learned and whose faces I forgot the moment I turned away, and there are so many others that I loved so dearly that I had to leave behind because they grew old and I didn't. And I have lived lifetimes in solitude to keep myself a secret from other people and I have died more than any person should ever have to die and I have witnessed atrocities no one should ever witness and I hate everything about this life so much but I love everything about this life so much and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think I would give it all away in an instant if only to remember the scent of my mother's favorite perfume and I think I would give it all away in an instant if it meant I didn't have to watch you turn to dust in my arms.

ANYWAY. I think a lot about the agony of loving things that aren't permanent and how it really DOES drive you mad because lately I have been unbelievably nostalgic for certain things that weren't even that long ago but..... I didn't appreciate them at the time and I feel so guilty about it. (And like. I too would give up my entire life to be able to remember the scent of my grandmother's favorite perfume.) And all my pent-up sadness is for things that only happened in my childhood. I have pictures and videos and other people to share those memories with, but what does it feel like to be one of very few people that watched the entire world fall apart and rebuild itself and have nothing to hold onto from that time? What does it feel like to foster dozens of generations of children and outlive every single one of them? What does it feel like to have only fragments of memories of entire lifetimes? How lonely is it? I mean, Ciaran and Anwei have each other and that makes a difference but it still has to be the most isolating feeling. And then there's the pain that comes with memories that have faded or otherwise become hazy. I doubt either of them remember their father's face. They hadn't seen him in years even before it all happened. If it wasn't for that single photo he has, they wouldn't remember their mother's face either. Do they still remember her name? Or her birthday? Do they remember anyone else? Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers? If they do, do they even want to talk about it? One thing I worry about in my own life (and this is how I know I have Problems) is that I'm so afraid that talking about memories will alter them somehow. There are so many things that I don't even like to share because once the words are spoken the little vhs tape that has all my memories has been recorded over, even if it's just by a single frame. Something about it has been changed forever each time I talk about it. Do they feel the same way and keep things to themselves instead of sharing the sadness? I think maybe they used to talk about the “old days” or whatever much more often back in the past, but as the years went by.... they just learned to keep it to themselves.

I think maybe I have a lot of anxiety about the passage of time and of being forgotten!

Anyway again. The passage of time drives me insane. And I think it would make me even more insane if I had been chosen to carry the mantle of a dead god and would live forever. My dog died a year ago and I still cry like every single day thinking about her. If I was doomed to live forever I don't know how the sadness wouldn't swallow me whole! No wonder all the people in this book are fucking CRAZY!!

And don't even get me started on the Sovereign lol he's like “oh boo-hoo you've lived for not even a thousand years? Bitch they hadn't invented fucking GLASS yet when I was born. The horse wasn't domesticated yet. Cry harder!!”

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

[army-of-mai-lovers]

hello arthur!! tbh people are being terrible in your inbox and the last ask killed my brain cells so this is your free bingo card to talk about anything you like. also sometimes googling sharks with human teeth (exactly what it sounds like) helps!! much love <3

oh my gosh I’m OBSESSED with these photos they’re so cute!!!! and thank you for the bingo card Effie I appreciate it so much. I’m gonna rant about Deadly Class (a show I definitely don’t like and thus don’t run a fan blog for....smh) bc it’s on my mind and it looks like it’s just going to go quietly into that good night instead of being made fun of and dissected and I think that should change bc goodness gracious that show does not deserve a dignified death. also I’m gonna put this rant under a readmore bc this is gonna be long and it has nothing to do w atla. warnings for discussions of racism, callous mentions of murder and death, swearing, discussion of Nazis, discussion of gore, abuse ment

Okay so for those not in the know (which is probably everyone considering the show was on Syfy and it’s being canceled due to low viewership) Deadly Class is a teen murder drama set in the late ‘80s starring Lana Condor, which makes it sound like it was engineered in a lab to appeal to me. Literally my friend and I were in the middle of watching Schitt’s Creek, which I adore, and she was like “well I heard about this show called Deadly Class” and described it and I was like fuck Schitt’s Creek we’re watching this. It had a 64% on Rotten Tomatoes, which usually makes me nervous, but I was literally like “I don’t care because I know I’m going to love it.” 

And well. I did not love it. 

I truly do not understand how one fucks up “teenagers (mostly) of color go to murder boarding school in the late ‘80s” that bad (I mean the Russo brothers are involved and they fuck up everything they touch so perhaps it was just that). I haven’t read the comic the show is based on but it does appear that a *lot* of the issues of the show stem from the comic, which is...disappointing. Basically, our MC, Marcus, starts off the show homeless after his group home burned down (and it’s heavily implied that he was the one to do it) and gets hunted down by these elite teenage murderers who invite them to their murder school. 

Already, numerous problems are starting to show themselves. First of all, Marcus is Latino, which, yes, it’s very cool that the MC is Latino, except he is literally the white-passingest man I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen my dad. I didn’t realize that he was Latino until they showed his extremely stupid backstory in a shitty animated sequence and whoever was voicing his dad did this really, really thick Nicaraguan accent and I was like wait a damn minute. So then, I looked it up, and the guy playing Marcus is named Benjamin Wadsworth, which immediately made me think that they had pulled a Noah Centineo and made me think this fully white actor was half Latino (and yes, Latinos can be white, but I think Marcus is supposed to be a nonwhite Latino, and I thought Benjamin Wadsworth was both white and non-Latino). But you know, as an light skinned ethnically ambiguous mixed kid myself, I thought I owed it to him to dig a little deeper, and turns out our pal Ben is mixed (also, he’s like six months older than me and married, which is a trip). And like, okay, I guess I’m glad they didn’t get a white non-Latino man to play a Latino character, but they literally got the whitest looking Latino they could think of to play him. He originally auditioned for Billy. Billy’s the token white. And the producers were like “wait you have Latino ancestry?” (how they found that out I don’t fucking know) and let him go for Marcus. And like. Okay. The character in the comics is light-skinned but he does not look white, and Benjamin is not a good enough actor for them to just pass on the actors who surely auditioned for that role and were more visibly Latino but like. Okay, I guess. 

Second of all, this show is mega racist and it starts to reveal itself when you look at how the murder kids are styled in literally their first appearance. What struck me the most was the fact that the Latina (whose name is fucking Maria, for heaven’s sake) was wearing a sexy red dress and Day of the Dead makeup, which, I’m sorry, huh? That just so happens to be the Mexican girl’s murder outfit? I’ve tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and speculate that maybe she wears it to like, subvert people’s expectations, but at this point idk how this is subverting anyone’s expectations nor why she’d be so invested in that. Also, she’s supposed to be a teenager. It’s fucked up to sexualize any of your child characters but it really hits different when it’s your Latina character (and yeah, I know the actress playing Maria isn’t a teenager, but still, it’s the principle of the thing). And then of course, the Black guy, Willie (no he’s not related to Billy they were just like yeah two guys with rhyming names in our main cast sounds legit) is a gangbanger dude who talks the way that white people think Black people talk. I keep waiting for this guy to have one line that’s not complete garbage, but I’m five episodes deep and so far nada, which sucks so bad because there’s like, kernels of an interesting character buried in this horrible racist trope. Also, they had him sleep with a N*zi. I hate it here. Lana Condor (her character’s name is Saya) gets off fairly okay, at least in this first shot (they don’t have her wearing a kimono to go murder people, thank fuck), but the way she behaves is super weird, like kinda flirty towards Marcus, kinda badass but not enough to actually do anything, etc. Billy’s white so they couldn’t make him a racist caricature or anything but I have no idea why he’s here. See, instead of talking about the real politics of the real world, Deadly Class makes up fake prejudice that honestly makes the lok bender/nonbender bullshit look sensible. Maria, Willie, and Saya are Legacies, which means that their families are established murderers (fun fact: the N*zi girl is also a Legacy, because her father murdered hundreds of civil rights activists. And the characters of color align themselves with her. I don’t understand.) Billy, and later Marcus when he decides to go to murder school, are Rats, meaning they have no affiliation with established murder groups. So, in this show, the people of color have privilege over the (mostly white) Rats. Make it make sense. Further, this means that Maria, Saya, and Willie should have absolutely no reason to hang out with Billy, and yet they do because the Russo brothers have heard that the kids these days like the found family trope, so they put five unlikely friends in a room together and insinuated that they could all be besties. I swear, this show is the La Croix of found family tho, in that there is absolutely no flavor whatsoever. None of the characters develop into a found family. Saya is bound to care for Marcus for reasons, Maria is using him, Willie is also using him, and Billy is only his friend because they’re both Rats. Saya and Maria are already friends (and honestly their friendship is the most compelling thing in the whole show). There are no other connections between the characters. But they’re totes a found family!!!!/s

Also, they don’t let Saya be mean. Every character says “oh Saya’s such a bitch” but do we ever see Saya being a bitch??? No! Saya is literally just a nice girl who is kinda quiet sometimes and murders people and has a tragic backstory. There’s an argument to be made for Maria being more bitchy than her tbh. And like, fine, if you want Saya to be nice, she can be nice, but stop telling me she’s mean then!!! If you’re gonna tell me that I’m gonna get to see mean Lana Condor in a leather jacket in this show then deliver bitch. 

There’s truly so much more I could talk about (Chico??? What the fuck is Chico’s arc???? What in the actual hell were they thinking when they were writing anything to do with Chico????? my DUDES WHAT IN THE SAM HELL. also making Billy straight was so fucking stupid he’s literally gay come on now, also Master Lin is so fucking useless what is he even doing here) but instead I’m going to outline the version of Deadly Class my friend and I have been talking about while we watch the inferior real Deadly Class. 

lots of things are the same actually because there are some elements of the show that have potential. Marcus is still homeless at the beginning, everybody still thinks he burned down the group home but he didn’t, Willie is still a pacifist, he and Marcus are still partners for their first murder school assignment, Saya’s mean (but like actually), Billy still has green hair and is the token white of the group (although a Billy of color.....thinking), and they all hate Reagan

in an ideal world Willie and Maria would have different names (Willie bc his name rhymes with Billy’s and that’s fucking stupid, also Willie is just a terrible name in general, Maria partially because it sounds way too similar to Marcus and I don’t understand why the guy who wrote this couldn’t make his characters have different sounding names, and partially because no Latina character of mine is going to be named fucking Maria), but for the purposes of this outline I’ll keep their names the same for clarity.

Marcus doesn’t initially have his rep. He’s on the streets when he sees a girl his age (Saya) come out of this elevator in the back of a restaurant brandishing a sword, and decides to go into the elevator, sees the stash of weapons, and decides to steal one so he can fend for himself better. 

also keeping the detail of Rory murdering a bunch of homeless kids, but now Marcus knows that Rory is actively hunting him down. 

in the process of robbing the school’s weapons collection, Marcus figures out that it’s a murder school

Master Lin catches Marcus robbing the school, they fight, Master Lin overpowers Marcus and ties him up. He says the weapons are for students only, and Marcus says he’s applying. Lin asks what his qualifications are, and Marcus says “you know that group home that burned down three months ago? all the kids that died? I started the fire.” 

(also no shade to Benjamin Wadsworth but in this version he is not playing Marcus. Marcus is not white-passing)

Master Lin initially doesn’t believe him, but Marcus presses on and eventually convinces Master Lin that this is really what happened, and so Lin welcomes him to murder school. 

Marcus’s first class is Poisons, and his lab partner is Billy, who takes a shine to him and shows him around school. There’s no Legacy/Rat nonsense, but you do have normal high school drama adapted slightly for murder school. Maria is the prettiest and most popular girl in school, Saya is the mean girl/valedictorian, Willie is the jock, and Billy’s the punky weirdo. 

Marcus is, of course, the new kid with a reputation to live up to. 

Things kind of fall apart when Willie and Marcus are paired up for an assignment: to seek revenge on somebody. 

also Willie’s backstory is extremely different. his dad was a Black Panther, and he was murdered by the FBI when Willie was a kid. distraught, his mom moved to Texas, where she started working a corporate job and rose really high in the ranks. To maintain her status in the company, she had to do some really horrible things, including working with the FBI to take down other civil rights activists. Willie found out about this and was absolutely horrified. his mother insisted she was doing this so that he could have a better life, but he refused to listen to her, and ran away, and ended up at murder school. 

Willie got into murder school because Lin knows who his mom is, and assumes that Willie is just as cutthroat as she is. he gains a reputation as well. 

also, Willie’s extremely wealthy, and this shows in the way he dresses (preppy jock vibes)

you don’t find out about this backstory for a minute tho bc unlike Albert Kim and the Russo Brothers, I can wait until the right opportunity presents itself for a backstory drop. 

ok anyway back to what I was saying earlier

they have to seek revenge on somebody. Marcus asks Willie if there’s anybody he wants revenge on, and Willie very sincerely says no. Marcus scoffs at him and says he’s clearly had a very easy life, to which Willie replies, “Well, who do you want revenge on?” 

Marcus immediately says, “Rory.” 

So they track Rory down, and since Marcus hasn’t actually killed anybody, he hands the weapons over to Willie. Willie frowns and says that he has nothing against this dude he’s never met before, so Marcus should be the one to hurt him. Marcus says that this is a group project and Willie’s got to pull his weight, and they get into an argument

the argument gets loud, and Rory hears them fighting and starts chasing them. 

in the midst of the chase, both of them divulge their secrets to one another. Willie laughs hysterically and says that they deserve each other bc they both lied to get where they are, and now they’re going to die because of it

Rory backs them into a corner, and Marcus uses one of the swords he tried to steal earlier to shank Rory

They throw the body in a dumpster, and after this, they’re friends, and Marcus decides he’ll fit right in at murder school. 

ok so that was only one episode but things to look forward to in the version of Deadly Class that only exists in me and my friend’s heads: Marcus dealing with the emotional and moral fallout of his first murder, Willie trying to figure out what it means to be a pacifist in a world so hellbent on doing violence towards him, Saya being mean to everyone except Maria, Maria convincing Saya to relax and have fun, the gang bonding in a Breakfast Club style situation adapted for murder school and making a joke about how this is like the Breakfast Club because it’s the 80s and the movie just came out, Saya and Maria falling in lesbians, Marcus and Saya being depressing edgelord besties, Billy being gay and fighting his abusive father, Marcus and Billy being uncool weirdo bffs, Willie and Maria rolling their eyes at Marcus and Saya’s cynicism, Billy coming out to Marcus and talking about his experiences being gay, which makes Marcus think “hang on, why do I relate to that?”, Willie seeing Marcus make a sarcastic comment about kissing a guy and having a crisis, Marcus and Willie falling in love, the gang taking a road trip to Vegas to murder Billy’s dad and giving Billy a gnc thrift store makeover on the way, and eventually the gang murdering the shit out of Ronald Reagan. 

[that-spider-witch]

Tower of God Episode 3: Live Thoughts

- KHUN’S PAST FLASHBACK! WE GET A FLASHBACK FROM KHUN’S PAST... AND IT’S BOTH OMINOUS AND CONFUSING AS FUCK! Yay?

- Who is this Maria? Also, from what I managed to understand: This “Choosing a girl as a princess for who knows what and those girls that aren’t chosen are exiled along with their families” or something sounds really shady and dystopic. What the fuck happened to my boy?

- ...Or was Khun’s family royalty and this Maria, whoever might be, betrayed him and got the whole family exiled to become the new princess, hence the people saying “They lost the battle”? JUST WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, MY BOY?

- What happened to Khun’s sister? Is she dead? Is she inside his case somehow, Nezuko’s style? Is she dead and inside the case?

- “The moment we show weakness, we die” “You can only trust yourself” That’s some really shitty advice to give to a child, lady.

- Khun’s mom sounds and looks like she’s either just a poor woman who has gone through the worse shit imaginable or a new participant for the title of Worst Anime Parent Ever™. Heck, she might even be both, complex character writing and what not.

- The sky and the stars are just legends to nearly everyone now, and the sky the characters are seeing is a replica... Oof. Was this world always like this or something horrible happened to make it that way? So many questions!

- “I doubt the real sky actually exists” That line right there sounds really heartbreaking, or maybe that’s just me. 

- Creepy weird rubber man is creepy and I don’t like him. 

- “You don’t need to thank a fluorescent plastic bag” I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH!

- “Abandoned son of the Khun family” HUH? So he was abandoned? How and why? What was this betrayal all about and who did it to him? WHO HURT YOU, KHUN? 

- ...Wait, does this means Khun is his family name and not his first name? His sister was calling him Aguero in the flashback, too. 

- Wonder if both Rachel and Maria (Both girls that have only appeared and/or just been mentioned in flashbacks so far) having biblical names is meant to be meaningful or symbolic of something... Or if it’s irrelevant to the story and the author just chose those names because they were pretty. Still, it is a coincidence I wanted to point out.

- Also, I love how Rak was all about throwing hands along with Khun and was disappointed that it didn’t ended in a fight after all. I love you, you dumb alligator.

- It’s probably nothing, but the Director’s design, as well as the other workers of the Tower look like Rachel, as if they were related. Blonde hair and golden eyes... I wonder if it means something.

- Getting vibes from “The Pit and The Pendulum” in how we are not shown exactly what’s inside that golden pit or what exactly happened to the participants that were thrown inside it after falling the test... But we know by the characters’ reactions that it’s absolutely horrible. Not sure if that really makes it scarier than if they had shown us corpses burning in lava or something, but it truly entices the imagination, doesn’t it?

- WAIT, THAT’S MARIA? WASN’T THE WHITE-HAIRED GIRL HIS SISTER? IS MARIA HIS SISTER? WHAT THE FUCK?!

- Maria was his sister and his lover... I need to sit down for a moment. That’s some big oof right there. What the fuck.

-...well, his half-sister, but does that really makes it better? AND HOW OLD WERE THEY WHEN THEY STARTED DOING THAT AND ALL THAT OTHER SHIT HAPPENED, HELLO???

- Khun, Aguero, whatever your first name is I don’t care... You really need some therapy, my poor boy. 

- “Don’t trust anyone” PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS POOR BOY A HUG!

- RAK, YOU STUPID SMART CROCODILE MAN, I LOVE YOU!

- Khun’s reaction is hilarious and makes me want to hug him even more.

- “Don’t you want to protect those eyes, which don’t know doubt?” Even this dude ships them, lol. 

- WHAT’S INSIDE THAT BAG?

- Shibisu, aka the tracksuit guy, is actually smarter than he looks. Can’t say I’m surprised.

- “I hope you get to see the real stars with Rachel” THE FEELS MAN, THE FEELS!

- We get to see Rachel... And she’s busy killing people in a deathmatch like the one on the first episode! Not sure if that’s supposed to be scary or badass, but yeah: This girl a damsel in distress she’s not.

-That one dude who made a group of people fight to the death until only three people remained despite it going against the test rules looks pretty happy and remorseless for what he did, acting like what he did was just like cheating at an exam and just acting worried when he learns that he and his co-workers could end up executed for his actions. I hope he dies.

- I like you, Shibisu. Welcome to the main cast!  Please don’t die.

- What is that banana drink and why does it look like beer? lol

- The chibi Baam wearing the crown while the chibi Khun and Rak defend him has to be the most adorable thing I’ve seen in this anime so far.

- RACHEL, WHY ARE YOU HIDING? This side of the plot is going to be frustrating to watch, huh...

- Anaak is both smol and badass, I stan. She and her partner really should stop dismissing poor Shibisu, tho.

That’s all for this episode. I’m going to need some time to digest everything I just saw...

[whetstonefires]

I have wandered into your tumblr and I want to know absolutely everything about your ideas for Earth 3 Impetus and Motion. EVERYTHING. Possibly the least relevant part of that is the family line, as Earth 3 often has really skewed versions of the characters. Would the first Johnny Quick even have a speedster grandson when he was killed and his blood used to power his successors?

Oh, cool ask! Thank you!

😄 I’m very happy to talk about this but I’m afraid you may be disappointed, because I’m Doing It Wrong. I’ve been working off and on on a bespoke Earth-3 for the past…several years. Production has slowed but not stopped. It’s up to over 300,000 words on AO3 at this point.

The issue that set me off was that tendency to skew; I didn’t like it. I found that, most of the times DC had built into Earth-3 before rebooting again, there were two countervailing currents leading writing decisions. On the one hand to make things As Wrong As Possible compared to the main timeline, and on the other to just make them…arbitrarily different.

Lois Lane is Superwoman, evil counterpart of Wonder Woman, for some reason, woop-de-do; this fits under both categories.

This process worked neither according to the ‘timeline that diverged into a Bad Timeline at some point in the distant past but somehow contains versions of the same people in the same place’ premise of the original Star Trek ‘Mirror, Mirror’ episode, nor does it work according to any direct cosmic principle of inversion, although some of the early versions claimed to.

(See: Mirror Christopher Columbus discovered Europe and then later Evil George Washington conquered England for the American Empire, what even guys. 😩)

Also Earth-3 so transparently existed almost every time it was reinvented as a place to get villains from, and to look bad in comparison to the main timeline, without any attention to making it work internally, which I thought was a damn waste of a cool concept. ‘A damn waste of a cool concept’ drives a lot of fanwork lol.

So for my world, I had the slightly conflicting goals of working as close to that amorphous thing ‘canon’ as possible, and of making the setting stand on its own, as a superhero setting, with internal causality and more or less the usual sort of hero-versus-villain logic. So I inverted the alignments of only superheroes and supervillains, and kept as much as possible of their backstories intact.

This means my stuff doesn’t map onto any canon Earth-3, especially not the one from Forever Evil because that came out after I’d already gotten all the big things pinned down. ���� Some people get upset about this and come yell at me about how i.e. Owlman is Thomas Wayne Junior. But since I always saw that particular concept as a huge cop-out from looking at how few alterations it takes to turn Bruce Wayne into a spectacular villain, I was like ‘nuts to that’ from the start.

If you’re cool with my relationship with canon, on we go.

-&-

So, Impetus and Motion! I don’t remember what I said on that one post where I remember blathering about it, so forgive me if I repeat myself. ^^

Lineage is the same as canon, technically. I’ll go over it; if you don’t care just skip ahead to the next subsection. 😄

Mirror Barry Allen, the Dash, got his villain name for his signature kill technique of grabbing someone, hyperaccelerating them, and then letting go at the right moment that they get dashed against something immovable and go splat. He dashes people against things.

(His eventual sidekick, Blaze, got his for liking to make things combust by accelerating their molecules. The combination makes them sound like a pair of racehorses, which they did not intend and are very annoyed by when it’s pointed out.)

The Dash is pretty scary, especially because most of the ways he abuses his speed for profit are so low-key nobody even notices (i.e. screwing with the stock market) and he doesn’t need to be a supervillain. He just likes it.

His public villain profile is relatively low for the level of danger he poses, tho, because his town is infested with really dumb superheroes who beat him embarrassingly often, when he actually turns up to fight or is successfully ambushed. And with the occasional exception the scale of his crimes is fairly small compared to i.e. Ultraman.

Keeping him imprisoned is ridiculously difficult, tho. He can’t be completely depowered (because the Speed Force is external to him and all the power dampeners that are used assume they’re trying to shut off something generated internally) and he’s really smart, so it took years of battles to keep him long enough to transfer into a proper cell even, and longer to get an unblurred look at his face.

His secret identity survived so long that Barry Allen was there to comfort Iris West after she was targeted by the Dash on several occasions, and they were married by the time he got ultimately unmasked.

She left him after that and moved back to the future, which she was still from because that’s hilarious, but he eventually tracked her down and promised to reform if she’d take him back. This obviously fell apart eventually, but not until after the twins were born.

I haven’t mapped out the mirror Thawne line. I assume the Thawnes with healing powers who inadvertently adopted Barry’s twin were much nicer in this timeline but idk if he ever became Cobalt Blue or what. I hope he lived to old age. Apparently there have been multiple Cobalts Blue? Idk idc, Flash continuity what even are you.

Everyone thought Eobard Thawne was nuts, but he actually did go back in time and stop the Dash from destroying the world with nukes in a fit of rage, his historical analysis, method of giving himself speed powers, and time machine were all successful. He may additionally suffer from some degree of psychosis, but he wasn’t wrong. (His little brother still exists in this universe because good!Eobard wasn’t the type to manipulate time to erase inconvenient family members. He also doesn’t have the title Professor because he never got tenure, so he just goes by Zoom.)

-&-

Bart is still Don and Meloni’s kid. Frankly I don’t understand those two in the normal timeline, so it’s hard to construct their mirror versions in any depth or even decide whether they should get mirrored. (Probably not tbh.) But I don’t exactly need to, because the resulting Bart is very much the same and thus doesn’t really know them. He was still born with his weird speed glitch that caused him to be raised in a simulation, and eventually time-traveled to un-glitch him.

The difference is that he’s not a nice kid. He’s a two year old who looks twelve and has received all his socialization from reasonably good AI in a world that was not real. Where nothing had consequences. Where nobody was real.

He’s very frightening, is Impetus. Impetuous, wildly powerful, selfish–oddly sweet, occasionally, in the ‘gay and innocent and heartless’ way of Peter Pan, but probably even more likely than Peter to knife someone. He’s so delighted the first time he eats actual ice cream, as opposed to a simulated version, but the ice cream stand is now on fire.

Mirror Bart isn’t so much cruel or even un-empathetic as solipsistic. He’s arrested in the state of an intellectually advanced toddler playing, what’s that game called, the one where the objective seems to be getting in car chases a lot? When was the last time they made a new one, I feel like I haven’t heard it mentioned in ages, it’s a dead franchise isn’t it I’m old. Grand Theft Auto! That’s it. He doesn’t just not understand that danger is real, the way Impulse started out. People aren’t.

Impetus is easily bored and surrounded by NPCs. It gets ugly, sometimes.

He also time-travels a lot more frequently than normal Bart, because he doesn’t really get attached so he doesn’t try to maintain a normal life of any kind, so he pops up all over the timestream.

Jason Blood hated him personally long before Bart had any idea who he was; they have a villain rivalry plagued by causality issues and closed time loops that is alternately epic and stupid as fuck.

And then there’s Thad. Thad’s had a less awful time than he did in canon, I think–President Thawne is not technically a supervillain so he’s probably about the same as in the original timeline, but even assuming Meloni and Don are still out of the picture (probably it’s Barry’s fault in this dimension?) raising a kid as a ‘defense mechanism against a supervillain’ calls for less extreme brainwashing fuckery than raising one to hunt down a superhero.

So he probably behaved a bit more like a reasonable grandparent, simply because the context incentivized him to emphasize concepts like duty and loyalty more, and hatred less. He might even have been able to go public with Thad’s existence, depending on the spin he came up with. Among other factors.

But it was still a depressing, isolated, dehumanizing way to grow up, and it went on a long time, because as per canon Thad has the opposite problem from Bart in terms of how he passes through time. Motion is a 40-year-old man with a 12 year old’s body and approximate life experience.

Thad was already So Tired when he finally got out into the world on his own, and once he encountered Impetus he learned pretty quickly to both pity and fear him.

Even when Thad tries to avoid Bart and just have a life, Bart always crashes back into his existence again, and in the meantime he feels guilty. Because even if he could completely shake off having been raised to see countering Impetus as his whole reason for existence, he’d still feel a lot of personal responsibility to try, because he has the ability to stand up to him in a way almost no one else does, and he knows Bart’s out there resulting in casualties.

Due to all the time travel involved, even having just defeated Impetus doesn’t mean he’s not still out there at an accessible point in the timestream, needing to be stopped.

Impetus results in Motion the way Inertia resists Impulse. They’re very much locked into an action-and-reaction framework that does not even a little bit help with Thad’s clone identity issues.

Except for how the amount of time Thad spends saving people from Bart has slowly created a fairly large body of people over the course of history who know them as distinct entities, and like Thad a lot better. 

Good feels good. ^^ It’s not necessarily the case that this happens, obviously, but with their alignment swap they also ultimately exchanged who’s defined by isolation. It takes Bart a long, long time to even understand that he’s lonely.

[levi-inthesun]

Was Gonna Die Young (Now I Gotta Wait), Chapter 2

Summary: Florence has a gift- she receives visions and tells prophecy’s and has, unbeknownst to her, attracted the attention of some of the worlds, and WWII’s greatest villain. Now, she must rely on one man to help her out long after she helps him.

This is for @heli0s-writes​ writing challenge, the prompt “Die Young” by Sylvan Esso. Song Here

Eventual Carol x Florence Platonic Bucky x Florence

Series Warnings: Violence, swearing, abuse, depression.

Words: 1689

A/N: So I had forgotten that the first chapter is like, a prologue at best, so I’m posting chapter 2 even tho ch 1 was posted yesterday :)

(gif does NOT belong to me, I didn’t make it)

She had lost track of the years since but Hydra scientists injected her with the poison in her veins that defied the course of nature. When her prophecies began to come true, Hydra decided they never wanted to be without her so they injected her with a variation of their variation on the super-soldier serum. Her aging slowed so much that she would probably look 27 years old for the rest of her too-long life. Since the serum flowed through her veins, they began doing other tests on her to see exactly how it affected her. 

She had undergone memory wipes, physical abuse from some of the Winter Soldiers, she had been starved of both food and water, and now she just wanted to fucking die. She was only allowed her tarot cards when they needed something from her, but she didn’t have anything to lose, so she went looking for them. It was the dead of night- at least she was pretty sure it was, as she crept through the facility she was held in. Bare feet on the cold floor aided her in staying as silent as possible. It felt like she was being called to her cards and it couldn’t be a coincidence because guards, left and right, were sound asleep. She took a deep breath before peeking around the next corner where she was met with absolutely nothing. As she rounded the corner she began to feel paranoid. What if they were watching her? What if this was a trap? What if-

As she looked through the small window in the door, she saw her cards and a smile crept onto her face. Carefully she opened the door and snatched them, running back down the corridors to the small room they kept her in. Then, she moved to the back of the room behind her bed to have a little bit of privacy. She held her cards to her chest before shuffling the battered cards gently.

“I need something to live for,” she whispered as a tear slipped from her eyes before she drew the top six cards from the deck.

The Fool The Two of Wands The Chariot The Two of Cups The Lovers

As she laid them out, one by one, a vision began to form in her mind.

Before her was a path covered in thick foliage, barely a path at all. Florence began to move forward, bracing herself against the limbs, vines, and bushes that crowded the way. As she slowly moved forward, the path began to get easier to traverse and soon, she was approached by a man. It was someone she recognized, but couldn’t place, at least not until she looked deep into his eyes. 

“I am here to help,” he whispers, “but first you must help me.” The man’s eyes suddenly turned cold and his posture was stiff, at attention. There was a flash in his blue eyes when he looked back at her, “Please, remember me. Help me,” he pleaded before returning to the cold demeanor and then disappearing altogether. 

Next, the single path diverged into three, and standing before her was her mentor, shrouded in a golden flame.

“Madam Sullivan,” Florence cried, “What are you doing here?”

“I am here to guide you, my child,” she took a step forward and took Florence’s hand, the golden flame began to engulf her too. Rather than burns, however, she felt the warmth she could always count on from her mentor, a type of warmth she hadn’t felt since her passing. “I cannot tell you which path you must take, however, after you aid the man you must be patient. Your time to escape will come.”

Madam Sullivan shifted to stand beside her and now before her was a woman holding a gun and she was talking to a man who reeked of an aura both harmful and chaotic. Suddenly, then woman pointed her gun at the airplane between them and she pulled the trigger. As soon as she did, it was as if pure energy had exploded in rippling blue and red waves that rebounded towards the woman. Once the first wave touched her skin, it began to bind with the essence of the woman and she was being enveloped in the glorious energy. Before she passed out, her eyes shined with power and her hair was acting as if it was aflame, firey and wild. It was in that state that she seemed to lock her eyes directly with Florence’s grey ones.

“Find me,” the woman whispered. “Live and find me.”

Florence came back to reality with a gasp, eyes adjusting to the darkness once again.

The next morning, Florence was prepared for the backlash for sneaking out and stealing her cards, but it never came and that caused her to worry more than the abuse she should have already received would have. The next couple of nights she tried to learn more about the woman from her vision, however, on the third night the words of her mentor came to mind-

“You will only receive knowledge when the knowledge is ready to come to light and when you are ready to receive it. Nothing good comes by forcing the cards.”

She did her best to lie low, to do as she was told and to not talk back. She would be compliant and she was miserable. She spent decades doing this until she was trusted enough and was needed to accompany one of the Winter Soldiers on a mission. No chaperone, no observer, just her and the soldier.

They arrived somewhere in the states, where exactly she wasn’t sure. She quietly followed the soldier to a small, dingy motel where they would lie low. It was there that she saw the year, 2001. She began to feel panic twist in her stomach and rise to her throat. As soon as they were in their room she booked it for the bathroom as she threw up what little she had had to eat. After her stomach was done lurching, she laid down on the bathroom floor and cried. 

60 years. She has been in Hydra’s custody for 60 fucking years, yet she still looked like she was 27. As sobs ripped through her body she thought of the soldier she was meant to help and the woman she was destined for. How the fuck am I going to be able to save anyone when I’ve spent a lifetime as a prisoner? How the fuck is someone supposed to love me?

She heard a knock on the bathroom door and she forced herself back together again. 

“Just a minute,” she called out pathetically. 

She stood up and washed her face before looking at her reflection. She looked like a ghost and it terrified her. She looked herself in the eye when her eyes rolled back, only showing the whites of her eyes.

She saw a man in uniform, hat crooked on his head to match the crooked smile on his lips. He was handsome, no question. There was a smaller man with him, sickly. She could see a fondness in both men’s eyes.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” the man in uniform requested the smaller man.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you,” the Brooklyn accent was heavy and suddenly Florence looked around. She was home and these men had to have lived not far from her.

“You’re a punk,” the soldier replied, walking to embrace his friend in a hug so tight it should have crushed him.

“Jerk,” the other man threw back. “Be careful.” 

Florence looked closer at the soldier, finally finding his name. Sgt. Barnes. 107th. 

Barnes started walking away, and his friend called after him, “Don’t win the war till I get there!”

Florence blinked her eyes open, the soldier had grown tired and gotten through the door and she met his eyes in the mirror. They were deep blue, would have been brighter had Hydra not drowned him out. Then everything clicked.

“Barnes?” 

“Your name is Barnes, right?” Florence kept her voice gentle, desperately trying not to startle him.

The soldier shook his head. “No,” he forced out as he ground his teeth together. 

Florence placed a hand on his arm and he jumped back and away from her, pulling out a knife from who knows where.“Soldat,” Florence whispered, “It’s okay. I am here to help you.” She held her hands out, showing that she had no weapons and that she meant no harm. It took a moment, but the soldier began to calm down and eventually sat down on one of the twin beds. Florence approached him slowly, hands still out. 

She sat on the other bed facing him.“I need you to think, and you have my word, you are safe to do so. No harm will come from this, you just have to trust me.” Florence saw a flash deep within his eyes, the man he truly is was trying to show himself. “The name Barnes, does that mean anything to you?” She asked him gently.

The soldier took a deep breath and closed his eyes, searching the limited memory he had. “Maybe,” he whispered, “I- I don’t know.”

Florence smiled slightly, his voice wasn’t as vibrant as it used to, but it was definitely his voice.“Could I show you something?” She asked, and idea forming in her mind. “I’m not sure if this is going to work, but it’s worth a try.”

The soldier nodded.

“Okay, Soldier, I am going to stand in front of you and place my hands on either side of your head,” she explained as she stood up. “Then, we are both going to close our eyes and I am going to try to show you what I saw.”

He nodded and she did as she said she would. She placed her hands on his head, a thumb on each temple. He felt tense beneath her and she realized this was the first time in 60 years since he’d been touched without violence.

“Alright,” she said, taking another breath, “close your eyes.”

[crowsent]

i just watched Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts at like. ass o clock in the morning. and i have a lot of thoughts™ about it. however, since i am a flesh goblin with no filter, half this shit is just gonna be me vomiting onto a post. okay? okay.

before anything else, i just wanna say that tired!Thomas is a mood. “look mr duke im really stupid right now”  BIG MOOD. the stuttering? BIG MOOD. the messing up of words? BIG MOOD

onto duke himself. i feel like i saw a train wreck of a human being that has already crashed and is in the process of burning somehow get into a larger more spectacular crash despite being in absolute fucking shreds. duke (remus, but im calling him duke and no one can stop me) has Energy. idk what kind of Energy but he has Energy. a lot of it.

he also gives off the same vibe as deceit. not exactly the same vibe, but i see deceit in him. both duke and deceit give off chaotic energy. a waterfall of chaotic energy. but they are both so very Very different from each other.

duke and deceit give off “thirsty” vibes. extra™ vibes. dramatic gay vibes. trash and they know it vibes. but in like. two complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

deceit is the classy thirst. the wine and dine thirst. the always dressed up™ thirst. the chickflick unrealistic romance thirst. always a black-tie event extra™. eyebrow(s) on fleek extra™. looking like he stepped out of vogue extra™. i will make costumes for everyone to fit a courtroom skit dramatic gay. “draw me like one of your french girls” dramatic gay. flirting with everything that moves dramatic gay. “smirk” trash. winking trash. “good lord i am surrounded by idiots” trash

then duke. duke the “netflix and chill thirst” guy. duke the "using fuck as a comma” guy. duke the “thomas murdering people he loves extra™” guy. duke the “butthole dramatic gay” guy. duke the “unmitigated well-manicured raccoon trash” guy. duke the “lemme tell you my name immediately” guy.

like. they interact with virgil in two complete ways too and it’s just so... jarring?????? to suddenly go from deceit smooth-talking his way through the court and losing his cool when he realised that everyone around him is an idiot. to duke. to fucking remus “unicorn porn” duke.

like. the episode gave me emotion whiplash. strapped me down a rollercoaster of weird and sent me off careening into the cliffs. like.

we get virgil, getting really loud very uncharacteristically. like. even if he doesn’t like duke, it’s still weird seeing him louder than usual. sure as fuck didn’t like deceit but virgil never raised his voice that much in the courtroom. sure he got heated (one angry man) but in DWIT he just has a consistent loud voice and aggressive disposition not only to duke but to thomas too. it’s just???? odd. like seeing someone eat corn on the cob vertically instead of horizontally. valid™ but fucking weird. it’s confusing. did something happen to you virgil? are you okay?

all the sides got some development, actually. not all for the better.

like. patton got character development WOOP WOOP so that’s good. it’s like he’s relearning the thing from Mind vs Heart. hopefully he won’t be too controlling next ss video.

roman just. roman. my baby. to me, it feels more like he’s pretending to be okay, rather than actually feeling okay. it’s sad.

deceit didn’t get much change (or he did and my brain just can’t remember jack right now) but we just had a huge ep with deceit last time so i’ll allow it

the one who surprised me the most was logan tho.

even with the reveal of virgil as a former Dark Side (WE BEEN KNEW. WE BEEN KNEW ALL ALONG BUT HOLY SHIT THAT REVEAL), logan’s participation in the video is heartbreaking to me.

logan looks and sounds so sad. when virgil tried to shut him out, when they accused him of being deceit, when the others rag on him, when duke said that “he’s reached his limit” of listening to others, just. look at his face. listen to his voice. he doesn’t sound happy. he doesn’t even sound like the smug bastard we know and love. he sounds so done. like he’s accepted that this is all he’s ever going to be. the side that brings others down, the side that other’s don’t want to be around. the side that is only good when he’s useful.

he sounds so resigned and it’s fucking heartbreaking. you can see how hard he’s trying. he stops himself from calling virgil “paranoid” to avoid hurting virgil. he doesn’t retaliate when they try to shove him out. he tries so so hard. and he doesn’t look alive. he doesn’t look like Logan. he looks like Logic.

the only part where he doesn’t look like a machine is when he says “THAT IS WHY I SAY IT” but that only lasts for a short moment before Logic is back, and Logan is once again gone.

at the end. when thomas says he's cool. logan doesn't look happy. he looks like someone who has accepted that they will never be part of the "cool" kids, that his contributions will be forgotten. that approval is only superficial. that he won’t be remembered unless he will be of use. he looks so resigned and dead and done and it just breaks my fucking heart.

give logan happiness 2k19

also. thomas. get some rest. don’t push yourself to make videos if you can’t. your health is more important than the content you create.

DWIT is an emotional rollercoaster and while i can’t wait for the next ss video, your health should be prioritised.

holy fucking hell. i might watch DWIT again, just to see if there’s anything I missed

[johobi]

WYLEI 11 - submission

The following was a submission (rather than a series of asks) discussing the latest chapter, sent in by one of my lovely regulars, lie anon. As it’s quite long I’ll place it under a read more; if it doesn’t display, I’m really sorry!

Wow, Jo. There’s so much I want to say to you. First of all, thank you so much for writing WYLEI. It was 18K of goodness; a ride so wild that I don’t wanna ever come down. This chapter is filled with pain, misery, heartbreak, relief, love and lust - a diabolical cocktail (hehe) that you feed to us and we partake so gleefully. The wait for this chapter is so worth it, and thank you so much for working so hard on it. You’re such a gem! I’m sending you a submission so I don’t clog your inbox ><“ I’m sorry I’ve so much thoughts I want to share ><”

You’re so welcome!! I’m serious! You’ve been so patient and encouraging the whole way. And don’t ever apologise for ‘clogging’ my inbox, I’m always so happy to hear from you :)

I want to gush about many parts of the chapter, namely the smut and heartbreak and confession. Wait, that’s the whole story wtf gdi lie anon is whipped as fuck!!! Ok I’m gonna talk about the sad parts first. Good lord Y/N had to force herself to look away from Kook because those eyes are a mirage now, and it will transport her to places of pain and misery that she shouldn’t find, that doesn’t belong in the first place ugh can you hear the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces… The promise of happier and blissful days ahead are now shattered by Kook’s deadly secret :( it fucking stinks because I was rooting for Kook and Y/N right from the start. “Like an inmate fleeing from some plush penitentiary of pain” what the fuck. Y/N doesn’t deserve this bullshit. All she did was love Kook and he broke her. Fuck JK, really. I’m so mad at him right now. He better have a fucking good explanation for what’s going down as The Biggest Fuckup in The History of Mankind, istg. Or I’ll personally strangle this stupid boy with my bare hands ugh ajksfhjsl fuck!!!

fhfhfh yes, looking into the eyes of someone you thought you knew (and loved) after such a horrific revelation must be so difficult. Like, that person kissed and said sweet nothings to you behind a mask of some sort, so it must feel like looking into a stranger’s face afterwards. That’s definitely how Y/N was feeling. dfjkdjkj he really better have the most redeemable of reasons for lying to her. Will you guys think it’s good enough tho?!

I was expecting him to run after Y/N, because that just felt so much like what he’d do but he didn’t. Was it because his fiancee was there? Y/N couldn’t bring herself to hate the woman ugh my child is so pure and I’m hurting all over again :( “I’m not going to chase you” and “I won’t give up” um, what in the fresh hell, really. Why is he so lax in his pursuit now? :(

He said he wouldn’t chase her just so that she wouldn’t trip and fall to her death down the stairs (so he does at least possess some humanity lmao). And he must have said that he wouldn’t give up, because, well… he turned up at her apartment later. And rang her in between. As I try not to offer too many insights into their minds, I will say it from a place of speculation: perhaps he understood that she needed to get away from him at that moment. She absolutely wouldn’t stop running. So he resorted to calling her, and then turning up at her apartment. I don’t think he wanted to run her into the ground (she was very clearly exhausted).

And Jo, the way you documented Y/N’s journey from the eighteenth floor to the ground floor was so intricate! Her thought processes, her inner monologue, her sense of self-worth diminishing… it really did a number to me because I actually felt pain as I read it. It feels as though Y/N’s blaming herself for this treachery, you know? :( that she felt she had bursted someone’s bubble when JK was the one who ruined everything with his own hands :( god, I’m in so much awe of what you can do with mere words. I’m unbelievably in love with the way you write. And the last sentence? A fucking cliffhanger. A fucking heartbreak to come once more. Why don’t you take my heart and run it over with a bulldozer since it’s broken already lmao.

;;;;;; i’m so glad you liked that!!!! I wanted it to be intense and breathless. Constantly repeating how tired/how much it burned to run, to emphasise it in your own mind. ‘Til you start feeling it yourself!! 

Yeah, Y/N has a tendency to blame herself for everything. She thinks she can’t keep Jungkook interested, must have only been an escape from his life on the upper crust, etc… he was helping to build up her confidence, but then he tore it all down again. I feel like she should take a leaf from actual BTS’ book and Love Herself first. :( People often can’t do what’s best for them, though, for various reasons.

Next, the confession. God, I loved it with every fibre of my ridiculous being. The rawness of it all. How it came gushing through her lips and to be met with equal fervour by Tae. The exchange was mesmerising - timid and shy yet bold and dauntless altogether. I appreciate the fact that Tae had to take some time to digest the information and that he responded in the way that he did. It did felt right, after all that shit he put Y/N through the years.

I got SO into writing that scene. I wanted it paced and worded perfectly, because that was the ‘big’ moment. The fic had been building up to it for 10 chapters. From all the feedback I’ve received, I feel like I was able to do it the justice it deserved, and I couldn’t be happier about it. ;;;; thank you so much. The tumult of emotion you mention is precisely how I wanted it to play out. It took some bold leaps into the unknown and neither know what’s on the other side, but they did it anyway.

The part where Tae found her in the old haunt was so heartwarming. The piggyback ride, that little trip down memory lane… it felt nice knowing that some things just don’t change with time. Tae’s conviction in getting even for Y/N’s sake had me melting into a puddle of goo and feels. He’s so protective over her ahhh omg where can I find me someone like WYLEI’s Tae!!!

THIS IS MY FAV BIT!!!! I imagined this from day one. T__T And it was so nice to put it down into words, finally. AND YASS PROTECTIVE TAE!! I’ll be honest I’m not one for hot-headed males IRL but in the realm of fic (and as long as they’re not psychotic), I enjoy a guy with a vengeful spirit. And you mention exactly why. The protectiveness. T___T ahhajwkh. 

Tae’s initial reluctance in not wanting to fuck Y/N in this state really had my heart soft and in a pulpy mess. He knew it wasn’t right because this one fuck might make things messy again. He didn’t want to fuck things up any further with Y/N because he loves her too much to put her through another shit show. It’s a small part nonetheless, but showed how much Tae loved Y/N even though it means going against her wishes at that point in time.

Yes!!!! That was hugely important to include!!! I feel, without it, I’d be getting far different responses to this scene. It was essential to demonstrate that Tae had learnt his lesson and really valued their friendship above all. That he doesn’t just think of her as a woman in an attractive body. 

I feel like this chapter mirrors chapter 9, for some reason? Perhaps it had to do with the culmination of buried feelings and emotions, primarily desire and longing. Passion that laid dormant and stifled for fear of ruining the present equilibrium, are now brought to life with a confession. That, I find, makes the scenes all the more emotionally charged and engaging. And all the smut with Tae… NOW TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING PANTIES EVERYONE, IT’S TIME TO SCREAM!!!

You’re 100% right. The latter half, at least, is very much like 9. Y/N feeling desolate on the heels of the other guy, the lead-up banter, the actual act; it’s all very intimate; revolves around her and the respective guy in each chapter. And with a cliffhanger suggesting that you can’t just disappear into the arms of another and not pay the price.

“I want you to watch me undress.” > WHAT. THE. FUCK. Y/N is the epitome of Big Dick Energy, y’all!!! Fucking hell. The way she commanded Tae to watch her… WOW. I’m blown away with that power. That seductress side of her from before came out to play and I was unbelievably thrilled!!!

Hahaha, I guess, because I was writing her, I felt like her usual feistiness wasn’t behind that line. She was desperate to see some form of evidence that she was still desirable as a human being, so she put on a facade that normally comes very naturally to her. In this case it was pretty forced, and Tae saw through it quite quickly. Thank God, because I felt so awkward writing that bit. It really didn’t feel right to me.

“Fuck, all the times I’ve imagined you like this” > um, hello??? This is so fucking hot I’m sweating my fat ass off!!! Like Tae fina-fucking-lly gets to bone the living daylights out of Y/N and I can literally hear the utter desperation, the excitement, want and need in his deep, baritone voice as he says that? I’m not ok what the fuck is going on???

LOL you crack me up aklwjdawklj!! YES I had to cram in all his tasty one-liners about how much he’s thought about fucking her and in a myriad of ways bc gdi it’s hot and Tae is one horny man. With absolutely no reserve. IT’S SO HOT *fans self* 

“You have me” > um what the fuck, Jo? I legit died at this line??? I can only imagine the assertion and conviction in Tae’s voice when he said that??? He declared it once more to Y/N and I couldn’t breathe because /f e e l s/. Error 404: lieanon.exe not found (was dead in a ditch and now sending this from afterlife p.s. hell isn’t half as hot as the smut you write huehuehue).

aaaND THIS IS MY FAV OF HIS LINES DURING THE SEX STUFF!!! It’s just, like, it must be utter relief and happiness and desire flooding her hearing him say that. It’s all she’s ever wanted to hear from him. Instant crEAM. 

“Heaven was his practised teeth and tongue, pinching and suckling your collarbones to an inhuman shade. Like an overzealous pet he branded you with feral desire, mounting marks into stretches of unclaimed skin. ” > I got too much of a fucking kick while reading this because hickeys are fucking sexy and territorial so Y/N, WEAR THEM LIKE BADGES OF HONOUR. Ok seriously though where can I sign up for WYLEI’s Tae?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY. HICKEYS FOR LIFE. I wanted to show how contrasting Jungkook and Tae’s approaches are in the bedroom, and Tae is far more aggressive (due to his confidence and experience). Plus he just freakin’ loves hickeys I guess. And as Y/N said, he’s aware ‘people’ will see them (Tae fights dirty lmao).

And that part when Tae fucked Y/N from the back AND pulling her while doing so? Mother of god that was SO. FUCKING. HOT. The mental imagery will never be lost on me, and it’s seared to the back of mind waiting to be revisited during /desperate/ times ahahaha FUCK. The tension and passion in that scene was palpable, and that taunting was sure as heck the cherry on top. Tae fucked Y/N through her squirting lmao let’s all hover over our damned bucket respectively because our panties are probably beyond soaked from that part istg my loins hurt and I need an ice pack gOD DAMMIT JO.

LMADOWNb i’m literally grinning from ear to ear reading this you are a tREASURE of the highest value. I’m glad you enjoyed that ;)))) my guidelines for going into this sex scene was: 1) it has to be passionate, 2) it has to be rough, 3) they both have to come quick the first time bc when you’re just THAT wound up about someone it’s hard to last long when you’re so impassioned and greedy. Plus I find something really hot about a fast ejaculation LMAO *sweats*. 

But you know what I find is the fucking sexiest part in the whole chapter? When Tae took Y/N’s hand and sucked her fucking fingers clean of her own juices wHAT THE FLYING FUCK JO WHAT THE ACTUAL /F U C K/ DID HE FUCKING LOOKED HER IN THE EYES AS HE DID SO?!?!?! I’M ASKING FOR A FRIEND ASHDFJKL I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS PART.

you liked that the most!!!? Glad I included that then, that was just a spur of the moment thing I included while expanding the smut. He was v e r y hungry for her. ;)

AHHH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER THE PAIN THE RAWNESS THE SMUT ASDAFFDSGL *incoherent yelling* uhm except i felt a little uncomfortable with the use of “oppa” it’s an overused trope “noona” is all good though i’m sorry please don’t hate me i love you :(

I had a couple of people ask about the oppa thing and honestly I had no idea that it had been sullied so much by kboos. After getting some feedback, including yours, I decided to change it to a much clearer ‘daddy’, after some thought on the matter. It’s probably the case that Koreans wouldn’t think to use their titles in such a way (correct me, anyone, if I’m wrong), as I was applying it with the vibe of ‘daddy’, and it’s probably not correct. So, just to be safe, I changed it. BTW I LOVE OVERUSED TROPES LIE ANON THIS WHOLE FIC IS BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS THE QUEEN OF TROPES!! NO-ONE CAN STOP MY TROPE-LOVIN’ ASS!!! Can I interest you in some enemies to lovers eventually…?! (the king of tropes)

……so yes, *deep breaths* I think I’m done screeching about chapter 11 and now it’s time to revisit everything once again. Or maybe 9034857494 more times. I’m positive I’ll find something new to scream about ahahaha yikes I’m really whipped lmao. I’m so invested in your fic that I’m actually terrified of the day when it comes to an eventual end sigh pie :( you write so very well, m’dear. WYLEI has made me cry, made me smile and made me high. You’re a talented storyteller, bubz, and I can’t convey enough gratitude to you for bringing us this amazing fic, Jo. I love you so very much!!! You’ve done extremely well, truly and definitely. Always delivering the best to us readers. Sending you plenty of love and good vibes always, m’love!!! Thank you once again! (and sorry for this long ass submission i’m the literal worst) xx lie anon ♥️🌻

Lie anon, you’ve written a veritable novel of yourself here to me, and I just want you to know how very, very grateful I am of how much time you spent collecting your thoughts and communicating them to me. I’ve never received such an essay (I mean that in the most affecionate of ways) in my inbox and it was a heartwarming read from start to finish. Thank you so much. And never be afraid to tell me of the things you dislike, as you did with the oppa kink. I’m always open ears. <333333

[saey-bae]

hc: rfa+saeran react to otome writer!mc

HECKYECK YES 

look @ this 

look @ my first request ◕3◕

this turned out so much longer than it was meant to be and ohgod i don’t exactly have the time to do this but let’s go

i hope this meets expectations !!

check out my masterpost here

Yoosung:

as a gamer, yoosung’s been introduced to nearly every hot game on the market at some point, whether it’s through friends, chatrooms, or gaming sites 

rarely do heavy-text based games catch his attention, but a new one just surfaced three months ago and people have been raving

huh, this new game’s getting a lot of attention --i think i saw mc playing this, too... wonder what it is

he’s been catching you play otome games lately even though you should be studying for your upcoming exams oops

he’s lying when he says he isn’t just the tiniest bit jealous that you spend so much time with virtual men your phone 

so he stares at the icon, a pink square with a little heart in the middle

it’s called little loves ew how cheesy

he downloads the game off schteam, then starts it up

lots of reading involved, though the choices are pretty interesting and the writing is hella good

he’s halfway into one of the female routes when a red headed dude is introduced

he’s a happy-go-lucky computer science genius who lives off of chips and soda

and he says the most random shit wtf

it almost sounds like....... seven?

“hey mc” yoosung picks up his laptop and heads over to the kitchen table, where you’re tapping away at your own device “doesn’t this......”

peering closer, he realizes you’re writing something-- writing text? he recognizes one of the names you type down-- it’s one of the characters from the game !!!!! 

“mc, you wrote little hearts?” 

you nearly have a heart attack

“don’t sneak up on me like that!!!” you’re blushing, but he’s having none of it

“you’re so talented why didn’t you ever tell me you wanted to pursue writing?????” he pulled you out of your chair and swung you around, voice filled with pride “do you know how good that game is? everyone’s been talking about it !!”

despite your protests, he takes you out for dinner that night bc we need to celebrate mc !! also, do i have a route, too?

this puppy is so, so supportive and sweet

still pretty jealous about the virtual men tho

Zen: 

the moment you released your game, your boyfriend was downloading and playing it 

he was even in one of the chatrooms that your small fanbase had created, fangirling along with them bc omg his girlfriend is such a fabulous writer

you sat next to him on the couch, cuddled up to him as you watched him play

“mc, how do i get this character’s route?” he’s pointing at the pretty brunette, pouting at you as his crimson eyes widened to puppy proportions

you only smirk hah i’m immune to that look now, sucker

as he keeps playing, he realizes something

“hey, this girl’s like.... jaehee... and this guy’s like.... yoosung?”

zen’s pretty into game until he isn’t

“is that supposed to be jumin?”

catch these hands, virtual jumin

you notice his choices began changing, favouring other characters more often than jumin

it was a romance game, after all, and he seemed desperate to have anyone else

“are you.... going after yoosung?” you snork you were so going to tell yoosung later

what you didn’t tell your boyfriend was that virtual jumin was the first character everyone got, no matter their options

zen’s furious

he plays the beginning over and over again

he gives up on the eighth try

“HOW DID I GET STILL GET HIS ROUTE???? I THREW ORANGE JUICE ON HIM, I KISSED HIM, I NAGGED HIM-- I TRIED EVERYTHING ASDJHDEHG”

you’re laughing so hard, no sound makes it past your lips

zen pouts, but he finishes jumin’s route 

that’s the end of that

“babe, i love you, but I can’t approve of --what's his face again? c’mon, you just played his route-- kyong”

according to zen, one jumin was more than enough as it was

however, you're contemplating whether or not to make all the characters in your next game relatable to jumin in some way 

just to irk your boyfriend a little more hehe

Jaehee:

Is it okay if I swap out Jaehee for Saeran? Sorry, babe, I’m just way too uncertain when it comes to her character if it doesn’t involve coffee in some way LOL. 

Jumin:

your boyfriend is a busy, busy man

lots of things to do, very little time to get it all accomplished

but he somehow manages to run a campaign for your game to develop it further and to sell more aw juju you sweetheart

however, you do manage to get him to play it 

and, at first, he’s a little hesitant

but when you’re looking at him like that while the two of you were cuddling together in bed, he can’t say no

so he pulls out his phone and downloads the app

let’s play yay

the two of you go through one route in a little less than an hour and a half

he doesn’t even notice how many rfa member traits are incorporated in the characters ok so he’s a little dense in that regard

“that man’s design --the white hair-- is similar to zen’s” is as far as he goes

ok he’s finished. you yawn it’s, like, twelve am probably not smart to have started a route

“it was a very intriguing and thought-provoking story, mc. i think i’d like to read another”

he starts off on another route??

“jumin, baby, it’s getting late and we both have work tomorrow........”

he kisses your brow tenderly “just one more, my love”

yaaaaawn “oh... alright”

another hour and a half passes

jumin’s starting a new route

“baby.......”

“i must know what happens to this character, my love”

you doze off some time around three am

when you wake up, jumin’s still on his phone how is the battery not dead??

“did you sleep at all last night?????”

“i need to know, love”

“i wrote the stories, i can tell you....”

“nono, i want to read them, darling; you don’t understand”

jumin’s basically us. we are jumin

Seven:

know about it?

who do you think helped you with the coding?

he even set up a tripter bot for it, though he did so without your permission ahh you need to get permission for these things saeyoung

currently, he’s sitting on your lap while playing the game, leaning his head on yours while your arms are around his waist

and you can already tell by his choices that he’s romancing his own character

was he doing this on purpose? should you let him know?

“saeyoung, uh-”

“shh, busy” he’s reading intently

“s-saeyoung, that’s um...”

“what? what is it?” his golden eyes set on you, mildly irritated bc you pulled him away from the game it was so good mc why

“that’s you” you mumble into his shoulder meekly

“oh, i know”

a blush heats your cheeks

he just grins saucily at you “naughty of you to put me in here, babe. don’t you need my permission to do that, by the way?”

was it hot in here or was it just saeyoung’s taunting?

“not gonna lie, zen’s character is pretty hot too you did a good job”

he’s petting your head now while you blush

it seems pretty innocent

but the huge grin on his face says otherwise

that’s right, mc, suffer

he goes back to playing the game, choosing the most romantic, cheesiest options

he pouts when he loses his own affections

bad ending

“mc, did you really think i was that cold to you before we got together?”

why is my character so mean;;;; he’s pouting and it’s so cute ahfsjhfs

“yes”

Saeran:

the minute you leave the room, saeran scuttles over to your laptop

he doesn’t understand what you do on your devices all day laptop and phone?? but he’s right here !! who are you talking to?????

and he has a split second of doubt are you cheating on him already?? you’ve been together for less than a year and he loves you so much please don’t be cheating his fragile heart’s going to break

he stares at your laptop’s locked screen

alright time to do a little hacking cracks knuckles don’t do that saeran it’s bad for your hands

then he realizes 

wait

password? “1-1-1-1″

there we go

ok if your password’s that easy, you’re probably not cheating, he reasons

the pain in his chest eases and he has to take a minute to remind himself that you love him very much and that he did trust you fully

and he has absolutely no right to look through your stuff it was an exercise you were helping him with and he was doing so well he didn’t want to disappoint you now

right

he doesn’t want to disappoint you and you both love each other

logs off the laptop without checking anything and waits for you to come back before asking about your internet activities

you’re surprised he’s taken an interest or noticed, but you show him your website and explain the concepts of an otome game

he catches on pretty fast and soon enough, he’s playing your newest game

like his twin, he almost immediately realizes who these characters are based off of

and he refuses to play after that

“it doesn’t feel right”

he starts monitoring your website behind your back, though

and soon enough, you see that more and more people are downloading your games

your fanbase is growing so quickly what’s going on 

saeran never says a word about your games again

except when he grumbles about the characters, which is more often than not no he’s not jealous what are you saying, stupid

but he’s certainly going to make sure his wifey’s game is successful

soft saeran is the best saeran

[fartonexit]

A letter for my mother to find.

I'm not spending time writing this out like I thought I would. I'm not walking you through every little step, checking paths are clear to be read, because they aren't, and I'm not taking every precaution to hide myself anymore because honestly if I keep doing that I really am going to kill myself.

I came out as trans last year after many many years of it burning and smoldering for any form of attention. I ignored it, in fact I even have a place in my brain that I visualized physically throwing myself into to keep myself quiet. Anything, everything to just not be found out, not be seen or heard, everyone go away I'm going to go hate myself.

You want to point to developmental cycles. Ok. Why do you think I stopped eating in a group at dinner? Did you know I would talk to myself in the barn at night to keep all the anxiety down and just blow off steam for an hour and a half straight? And you never questioned why it looked like I has half paying attention in some areas and trying hard in others....

In middle school I was already thinking about this. In fact, it has been on my mind for so long, I'm not sure it's never not been there. There was no cause, no big explosion of coom and suddenly I wanted to be a sex object or something. Double up, middle school was hell and I can't remember any of it except doing math at home and breaking my DS. That's basically all I remember of those 3 years. 'cept one thing.

I got asked by a chick in 6th grade to go out with her, well maybe 7th actually, and I froze and turned them down. Not because of the ASD shit, mind you, but because I'd been staring at Tyler Roth's bulge for 2 hours squirming in my chair. If a girl asks me out and I'm doing that right beforehand, and in fact get up to use the bathroom to clean up, you think I'm gunna say yes to the girl?

That's fucking stupid. No.

At least at the time to me it was.

Now I am more open about myself. I care more for personality than body, so sex doesn't matter unless it's a group effort (haha). I am definitely pansexual, there's no doubts there. Poly even, but I'm not sharing any of that with you. That's all the info you get.

If you can't tell from the title, I'm kinda trans kinda not. Non-Binary is the correct term, and I'm a little jazzed that I'm over my bullshit about it. I never said anything or made it obvious because of bad reactions from you and dad about me being gay, or other gay ppl, so like honestly why would I ever have said anything when I don't trust you?

This is also the origin of my trust issues.

In college, actually no, in high school I heard the term for the first time, in college, learning more and more about what trans ppl go through and nb people go thru, I locked myself in my room for 2 weeks and only came out for dinner. I almost committed suicide off of AB after that period because I couldn't handle it and it hadn't matched anything that I had known before. It's something I've actually wanted to talk to you about for years, and when I try to bring it up you scream at me and run away like I've ruined your whole life in some 80's teenager movie. You won't even hear my side of it.

There's obviously a lot for us to talk about, and I'll let you come up with your own questions. I'll make a lil' faq

1: Are you male or female?

A:. I'm always going to acknowledge my birth. I'm never going to not acknowledge what I went thru, the good or the bad, or that I ever had a penis.

Male in origin, but in-between. Genderfluid is the correct term. Maybe intersex as well, as that's how I see myself. I notice when I eat more estrogen enriching foods, my mood balances out. I've been eating more E rich foods lately (seeds, dry fruit, oat bran in the morning) and I've honestly never felt more.... Normal.

2: If it's fluid, what the hell do I call you?

A: Well it's not like you'll make me explode at you if you straight up call me he and I'm in a dress, more I'll be watching the ppl around you staring at you calling me a he.

My pronouns are hi / shi / him / hir / they / them, and honestly my rule is call what you see. The I is there for... Well, intersex. Male or female presenting.

So again, call what you see. I do get mad though, especially if I worked really hard to make a banger of an outfit. Honestly, so glad you don't know my style either... If I'm obviously trying, respect that. I don't always though, only on special occasions.

3: What about your name then? It's effeminate.

A: I'm effeminate, what's your point. Hell if you want a bullshit term to look into look up genderfaun. Within genderfluidity there can be limits, which ppl of course have denoted how people will denote it. Genderfaun basically means cboy. A male embodied person never quite unclasping on full effeminacy.

4: How have I never heard of this?

A: Same reason women's issues are more vocalized to men's issues. Same reason why I'm expected to be the one running the construction site and my partner is supposed to be my loving little wife. Cboy's, intersex ppl in general rly, don't really have a need to be found out. And quite rare, actually. Honestly, Nonbinary is what can go on a paper and what is legally applicable, so that's the 'umbrella' term, if you need one.

5: So what makes you a cboy then?

A: years of undeserved anguish, hating my body, not wanting breasts, wanting to give birth, my dick feeling out of place or straight up like a tumor on my life, relationships being hard to start and even harder to keep literally because of sex, crying after being made the top for sex, having to top at all, expectations beset by other's that I don't get a voice in, not getting a voice in general and not being in any spot of authority or passed by the same or opposite sex in both education and normal social life, oh and also every time I see a picture of a cboy I'm happy, not horny.

6: Why that term? Rather harsh

A: I agree. If there was a better term that was as equally descriptive I'd go for it. I don't think intersex male is quite applicable tho, nor does genderfluid work on a job app., Tho neither does cb. It started as a term in porn but people have taken it as their own, me included.

Again describe it in one word that isn't confusing (transfeminine for example, genderfaun for another) and get back to me when you figure it out.

7: Possibility A - you're crazy

A: That'd be cool if I was crazy actually, then I'd actually fucking feel normal. Like I had a normal problem. Like I was being treated like I should be in society. Sadly enough I've talked to multiple shrinks, other trans and nb people, other cboys, and pretty much everyone agrees my living situation was really fucked up, as we're the expectations beset upon me. Not always, and I'm not just spraying buckshot over my whole life, but there's some stuff we REALLY need to talk about.

I've actually made it my life mission for the last 10 plus years to find someone like me being interviewed. I have had the hardest time too because I beat myself up about it so often, unless I tripped over a podcast episode (like I actually did) I'd never find anything and just think I was schizophrenic or something. Hell for a while you had convinced me I was because of stuff you were doing and talking about, and like bloody usual, not letting go of or shutting up about for months.

Literally half the reason I moved in to where I am was to checksum myself. I am definitely not schizophrenic and absolutely have a panic and anxiety disorder.

Possibility B - ok I'll bite, who else is there?

A: here's the podcast that made me feel safe. We're not 100% similar, but a lot of what he is saying I get. And while he lives in cali, stuff your biases. He moved here from japan when he was 12 or something.

https://www.furwhatitsworth.com/?episode=s9-episode-3-nb-nb-nb

This is not the only podcast I've listened to, but it's the best perspective I've heard. And I can say for solid, to this day, I get exactly everything he is talking about. Every single thing.

8: Ok, so what about your name (should you be on board)

A: Thats hard for me. I know I came with Ari and then tried Faun, but Faun is more a nickname for me from somebody and I liked the sound. I still like the name a lot too. But my name is Aremis, it's been Aremis, I'm going to move on and stop thinking about that one so hard.

9: Why not keep your old name? I'm offended you don't have my father's name anymore.

A: ok good for you for inscribing your bullshit onto someone before they can even he a say, as usual.

My dead name literally hurts. I've tried to explain to you, you ignored me.

That's all you get. Deal with it.

10: I'm not sure I'm ok with this.

A: Neither am I but I'd be dead right now from jumping under a semi in traffic a few months back if I hadn't. This isn't a mistake, or anything you did to me. It's just how I am. Now I know why you want the new DSM so bad.

By the way, dsm backs me up. So if god is gunna have to say something because of your convictions, I'll walk.

Peace. I'm done pooping now, time to get off the toilet.

[wearethegladiators]

hey

so i could keep on ranting about aron for years because drAMA but i’m just gonna tell you this: aaron paul as his new fc is canon and so is the evans siblings being the evans twins. i’M NOT SORRY

lily still saying aron is his little brother because she was born like 2 minutes ahead of him :) but aron being taller and looking older than his age while lily will forever look like she’s 12 hihi

also the first 30 seconds of this video is the absolutely perfect depiction of aron’s mindset for that time period:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHpeFfBRF8U like being a kid. a sad, fucked-up, cutie-pie, damaged kid. 

one comment reads “the most accurate portrayal of personal hell i have ever seen” and that hurts

also pretty much canon that aron will be alive for at least some time after the virus

i’m digging into the evans family backstory and it’s clear that they always had a connection to magic. like i don’t know exactly how the irish folklore relates to magic (i’m especially thinking druids here), is it like an entre-deux between the magic and the muggle world ?? i read once on a hp forum that irish muggles were pretty much aware of the magic world around them and that it didn’t come as a big surprise because you know, bah they have farfadets quoi. so there were “mixed” villages and magic wasn’t much of a secret. i actually kinda like that?

lily’s parents are more rational (or modern if you will), maybe they live in a mostly muggle city or something. but her grandparents? they live in the highlands, are breeding horses and only communicating in gaelic.

also, the evans have always been fighters. they definitely participated in ww2, maybe even took part in the débarquement (there’s also a french side to the evans family hihi). also they were probably very involved in the civil religious wars, as mediators - or as IRA members ?? because they’re nice, but they’re about ice. and ice does not forgive. a smile made for war is one of the most evans things i have ever read, along with demons run when a good man goes to war. 

so anyway maybe her grandparents were even in contact/working with the order of the phoenix during the first wizarding war?? it would also explain the disconnection between lily’s parents and the magic environment. the grandparents tried to protect them by pushing them away from the magical world?? 

and then boum, liliana. and potentially also aron showing some skills?? (WHY am i thinking of aron as a banshee????)

lily definitely has a banshee vibe. ever since les âmes mortes she always had accurate feeling/foreboding whenever something bad was about to happen. also i can see her scream?? and that sort of mind control through occlumency. like she has some aspects that she may have inherited, but she’s not a full-range banshee. aron??? what if his capacities are more developed than lily on that? also what if he is an occlumens? can muggles be occlumens too???

there’s so much going on in my mind i swear to god

lily rather as morrigan. if the rebellion still uses aliases that’s definitely going to be hers. that fits so well. the queen of phantoms? i mean?

lily/aron’s relationship as echoing so much that of the blake siblings. the unbreakable love but the unbearable resentment. both being convinced that lily brought the plague to the farm where all evans were gathered, and thus killed them all. aron rejecting lily, referring to other members of the rebellion as “his family” and mocking her as “the goddess of the dead”. the morrigan nickname could actually come from him?? also lily having moments of doubt regarding her recent actions/harshness, and someone telling her “you always did what you had to do to protect your brother, that’s who you are”. my heart ???

lily becoming much more ruthless ever since aron joined the rebellion, and her family died, and her people started to go extinct. like really we can tell that there’s been a true escalation of violence for her from that moment on - she will do whatever it takes to save them all, and especially her brothers

lily doing a bunch of stupid things for them

like she’d be ready to endanger the entire rebellion movement to save their asses

and the muggle(born) race, but to a lesser extent (still clarke-and-lever-vibes tho)

lily really going on a personal crusade for months trying to save and gather the remaining muggles all over the country, building up a team to find the survivors and protect them, but also to burn the deceased and give them decent burials (the last point would also be a matter of tension with aron: “burning the bodies really? it’s no fucking zombie virus! you’re the one destroying our people and our culture, not them!”)

aron as part of the “preservation of the muggle world” team ?? i mean this sounds like a very lame name put like that but he’d quite obviously be useful in that mission. what if they even go islands where there are survivors and they just contaminate them and kill them?? the guilt!!

is he living at the rebellion headquarters or in a muggleborn camp? how much does being non-magic impede his daily life, like how many places is he unable to access because of anti-muggle spells??

aron and red???? i just had this thought because krysten ritter would be a great red? like maybe not as a couple, but as a thing at least. he’d care a hell lot about her, and if she dies?? hm hm.

i think i just like picturing aron with terribly strong/extremist women because it is so radically different from who he is? he’s been raised as an extremely kind, respectful, and tolerant child (maybe even too much) who likes flowers and smoking pot while looking at the stars (headcanon in which aron does all of lily’s homeworks for botanique).

THIS. RIGHT. HERE. 

mdr remember when i said this thread wouldn’t be about aron

so yeah, even with wynona. he couldn’t stand her being so ostracized by the others, and it’s no secret that aron likes kids so damn much, so he’d be terribly disgusted by her actions but would still take care of her brothers and sisters - and would eventually understand ?

also, if he also adopts a kid at some point, well he’s definitely going to bring him to the blackbird ranch

the blackbird ranch as une garderie

mdr that would also mean that aron and nathan could be found chilling out around the blackbird ranch -- my heart

wynona lifting magical anti-muggle barriers surrounding the ranch especially for aron!!

so yeah anyway wynona and aron. in a paradoxical way he forgives way more things to wynona than he does to lily. and wyn would try to fix their relationship. also aron could (try to) provide muggle solutions to her “leg problem” ? (wynona is legit afraid of muggle technology and savoir-faire, but also very eager to learn about it, soooo)

also this definitely implies aron/sacha?? i mean. i think that would be a super interesting relationship, because they would definitely be best-friends in a “normal setting” ?? but this is war, aron manages to get close to wyn when she refuses to complain to sacha, sacha manages to get close to lily and?? i don’t know, i see a great friendship, but also with a weird, nostalgic avant l’heure vibe to it? two kids who grew up too fast and now struggle on behaving as such. genuinely enjoying and supporting each other, but also the presence of the other is a reminder of what they’re going through and who they could have been? am i even making sense oh god

btw i always thought that sacha must have been close friends with fenugreek, and so was aron? they could have been sort of a trio, and fenu’s violent death would add yet another variable to their relationship

do the magical creatures of wynona know aron is non-magic and if yes how do they react to him

mdr btw i also thought about the blood transfer thing, i appreciate how we are both trying to save him

anyway there’s definitely some type of old/irish magic protecting him to a certain extent, i guess

the power of LOOOOVE

100% agreed i like the trope of “love is greater” so much?? like that’s cheesy but i’ll never get over it. we do terrible things for the people we love. lily and wyn are such goods examples of that. (“i was a mother and now i’m a monster”)

speaking about love nathan and the evans ???? yeah, he’d definitely be introduced as a cousin to neighborhood/family dinners. he would be the miguel of the family hahaha

mama evans adopting nathan as her third kid and sending him packages of food, or scarves she has knitted!! making sure he’s okay even when he’s away and harrassing lily for some news. pretty sure she has already invited nathan to the kinsale house while lily was still in hogwarts? like now i’m picturing aron/mama evans/nathan dinners and???

nathan spending a few weeks at the evans home every summer, with the evans twin carrying him everywhere and being over excited to show him muggle things?? the awkwardness of nathan, and the evans twins running everywhere with excitement?? mdr they must have been so happy and having so much fun and now look at them

sorry

evans twins getting nathan to smoke pot

evans twins always getting into trouble and nathan having to always make up for that

nathan coming to the grandparents’ farm!! where they only speak gaelic and look weirdly at him and always seem grumpy, but eventually they adopt him and give him a horse and now grandma evans is also sending him packages ??? (grandpa evans is still speaking gaelic tho, but he’s trying to be a bit more understandable. just a bit)

nathan being overwhelmed with packages from the evans mdrrrr

that’s def my new favorite trope here. nathan in the middle of this happy bubbly blondy family. yES

(what do you mean all your evans are dead now, shhhhh)

sans transition MUDBLOOD CAMPS??? i saw this coming but i’m still shook mdr

so i’m 100% FOR SACHA AND LILY TO MEET THERE??? these camps are pretty damn good at dehumanizing people and making them lose all hope, but if lily comes across a baby-like-aron that would give her a reason to fight back, and yes start mobilizing people, starting to spread across words and songs of hope and??? yes. sacha and lily as badass community organizers??? yes² i lOVE THIS

also lily contacting the rebellion/nathan once they escaped and being like “yeah i’m with about a hundred escapees rn, is there anything you can do or? we keep on saving ourselves?”

“it’s my people BITCH”

that’s the moment when she started using a rhetoric of “my people”. that’s the moment when she embraced her muggleborness, completely changed her looks, and started to harden her stance. “someone has to save our skins/i bear it so they don’t have to”

mdr lily and sacha, those skinny kids, leading their people to the rebellion can you imagine the badass scene

“yes we did this ourselves”

most of the people that escaped that day now have important functions within the muggleborn rebellion and they have sort of an added “street-cred” because this shit was legen…wait for it...daryyyy

i don’t know why this makes me think of “acide sulfurique” by amélie nothomb. but this does

also adrian can 100% join the muggleborn resistance, lily would be so glad, i’m pretty sure she has a hell lot of respect for that man. oh what if she’s the one influencing him to join the movement??? i swear she has some slytherin vibes now

how “‘fun”’ is it that lily now has slytherin vibes and nathan has gryffindor vibes right

also so sad about alice!! she was the purest. and i’m pretty she already took care of lily before the war cause you know, the girl always has broken ribs, or arms, or legs, or whatever. she would have looked up to her a lot, that’s saaad. like this is must have been so traumatizing for the rebellion, losing her

“nathan is a wolf, a dragon, a wildfire, a liar, a survivor” damn i’m into it.

it’s so sad seeing this délitement of the leaders but i guess it also makes sense? it’s war, people change, people die. bouhouhou

also YES carmen/lily, i always thought this would be an interesting relationship to explore. like i have this scene in mind when lily just got rescued by the rebellion, she’s quietly sitting somewhere at the headquarters, carmen is suspicious of her and thus try to enter her mind, and lily feels it, stares at her and mentally kicks her out?? like the rivalry from that on. carmen going up to nathan and being like “wtf is your sister, what’s the deal with her occlumencia??” and nathan being like “tf” cause lily never told him hahahaha. so carmen staying superstitious, especially with lily being a little naive kid and yet having survived captivity and torture for months, until some event (yet to be determined) happens and a mutual respect is instaured between them. lily could even become sort of carmen’s second?? that would be a super weird association but i’m here for it? also they could have stayed in touch after carmen left the rebellion, but if carmen’s more “team nathan” i guess they see each other less now? or maybe like i said carmen would be sort of a mediator between nathan and lily? can you imagine??? the kamoulox???

also i need to think about the carmen/wynona relationship. i guess loads of fights but also potentially loads of laugh? they could along pretty well even though this would requires a mutual ass-beating every once in a while. are they drinking buddies now or what? has wynona contacted carmen only recently after silence radio for years to discuss whether or not she should go back to the rebellion? so many questions!!

what if she shows up at carmen’s place without telling her (bc she’s not into that crap) and nathan is already here mdr. the awkwardness. sorry bye

also ofc wynona has been great friends with red for years, probably ever since hogwarts. it may even be for her that she decided to engage in the rebellion. she was there when red got arrested right after her quidditch game and knew she would probably be executed/détraqueurisée asap so she did what wynona does: coerced kyran, found her way to the rebellion, helped them to invade the ministry and make it go boom.

mdr this girl arriving outta nowhere with a plan to get the mofo ministry of magic exploded is so wynona. also insisting on having “faucon” as her first and foremost interlocutor because she quietly stalks them and knows that he’s the most likely to be interested. always had this scene in mind in which the first meeting didn’t go so well because egos™ and they almost ended up fighting and she refused to give him the plans?? and then she’d have regrets, show up to a meeting through another intermediary (let’s be real she must have so much friends gravitating around the rebellion), just quietly put the plans on the table

also the plans include the lists of the prisoners and lily’s on it??? wyn didn’t know who lily was to nathan but can you imagine?? maybe he thinks she did that on purpose hehe (but she really didn’t have a clue) (she might be bluffing about it because wynona blackbird™ confidence, you know)

tbh wynona probably was friends with….. milo, too? can you imagine. ACTUALLY can you imagine her trashing milo one day like “that idiot got killed for shit” in front of lily cause she doesn’t know?????? btw she’s definitely the type to have hooked up with him at some point. mdr. can you imaGINE

wynona and sacha!! mdr i legit hadn’t thought of “how to train your dragon” but that would be so cute and such a good example actually

omg daenerys!wynona

i

am

so

into

it

the thing is i always thought of wyn as an incredibly Cartesian/utilitarian character so she would always take care of her dragons equally, professionally with just a bit of affection (cause she’s a breeder, she knows she’ll eventually have to let them go), and having no favorite dragon whatsoever

but now?? i legit want her to have a dragon just so that he/she can blow in nathan’s face when he’s being an ass??? :)))))  

also is nathan gonna be like this with dragons

mdr sorry so i was saying that yeah, maybe she has a dragon. like an orphan that she found completely by chance while she was at her lowest/darkest, and he/she sort of helped her “bounce back”? she raised him/her secretly because even though i doubt she is still providing much dragons in these times, she’s still trying to be a professional? so maybe even sacha wouldn’t know about this, until he/she starts to become too big/show up at the blackbird ranch even though he/she isn’t supposed to and wyn is like “hmhm. yeah. so i do have sort of a dragon hihi”, and then he/she starts following her everywhereeee

can it be like the bébés oies who adopt a human and believe that human is their maman oie?? what if the dragon believes wynona is a dragon, just really bad at spitting fire

I’M DISGRESSING

i’m actually pretty sure that wyn has stopped her “commercial” activities, just closed and hid to the public her ranch and is now keeping all her dragons hihihi + the ones people are bringing her eventually

she may be educating them to fight/support the rebellion but at the same time she’d be afraid for her bbies?

like she always loved her dragons so much but she had to keep a certain distance from them in order not to be too sad when she has to let them go. but now?? since she’s keeping them?? mdr she’s legit going to raise them as her kids, with toys and decorated paddocks??? like she would be so gaga hahahaha

can you imagine a baby dragon being born at the ranch and wyn offering that baby dragon to sacha and sacha giving back the fully educated dragon to wyn so that she can fly with him/her???? bitch my hEART

also wyn going to see the dragon/taking care of him and loving him so much already because he’s sacha’s baby without knowing he’s going to be hers??

plus if sacha didn’t know about wyn’s personal dragon that means she has two dragons now, full daenerys!wynona bitch

mdr and then sacha giving his dragon to wyn would be so full of tears on both sides like? actually that may be the moment when she realizes how she pushed him away and is feeling so bad about it? and she’d be like “no bby keep your dragon come on--WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S VOICE-OPERATED???”

right in the feels, i don’t want sacha to be sad :(( she would push him away because she feels like she has a duty to protect him and can’t do it anymore and doesn’t want the roles to be reversed!! poor baby!! like she’d avoid him on the ranch and shit because she’d be “ashamed”? sâd!! (btw sacha potentially never seeing his parents again??? gosh wynona just needs to be there for him she’s gotta wake up!!)

but wynona would love this dragon so bad!!

what if both her dragons have a baby and she gives him to sacha?? or anyway she’d literally travel the world to find him a new baby lol

wyn disappearing for two weeks bc she just went to romania to get a new badass dragon for sacha, b y e

i don’t know which wynona is my favorite now between bigsis!wynona, daenerys!wynona and rebel!wynona?? rebel!wynona is terribly efficient but terribly scary tho mdr

she’d definitely earn the “most likely to slap you in the face” award of the rebellion hihi

we do terrible things for the people we love !!!!!! yes !!! and the angst when coming back to the rebellion ouloulou i’m so not ready. like the simple fact of showing up to a meeting, trying to be discrete when she used to be the annoying f*cker always interrupting the plans, and yet everyone watching. or like everyone going silent for a few seconds. woooo

or maybe she came back when they found edan, so she was kind of like a messiah to calm everyone down? or to take part in the rescue mission of edan??

mdr this thread is just me asking questions to myself i’m sorry

just let my girl be one of the good guys ok thanks

calling the auderic out on a Men are Men™ basis is a mood tbh

and i actually kind of stan ydria?? i mean. “she’s a witch and a bitch and a pirate”. i’ll take ten of them thanks

gosh this family is so aesthetically pleasing i swear to god

nathan has native american blood??? what the hell??? does wynona know that??? i’m not okay (btw i really need to dig into the native american magic and tradition blackbirds may still be using) (the blackbird ranch is quite obviously filled with native magic so yeah) (woo i’m excited!!)

i really want nathan to have a boat and lily being allowed to steal it. can you imagine them travelling to ireland by boat?? BADASSES. also lily can’t transplaner hein, so at least it would be practical

plus the evans also have a deep connection to the sea, at least originally? they always lived by the sea, loads of them still probably are fishermen or lighthouse keepers or something? and they probably used to fight on the sea, too. i actually imagine the evans as somehow descending from a vikings lineage?? is it because i love lagertha too much and she fits right into the evans family aesthetic?? yeah. pretty sure they have nordic origines too. so anyway BOATS ARE COOL ™, let nathan get one for 2k19 thanks.

magical tattoos!!! i think lily mostly have muggle tattoos, but wynona is definitely covered in magical tattoos. (i mean all blackbirds have at least a couple magical family tattoos, so that’s a thing) why they all so stylish tho, i like that. the line everytime someone gets killed is a real thing too tho. both wynona and lily may have one, i need to reflect on it (cause lily would be covered in it hahahahahah) (i’m not okay)

sacha and tattoos!! i had never thought of it but i’m here for it!! (i’m here for everyone having tattoos anyway. even aron probably has a couple of small tattoos)

i have never ever imagined nathan wearing white and i’m so here for it?? woaw. i’m shook. it was pretty logical for me that lily would go back to wearing white after the war but nathan?? po wer ful.

nathan having dogs!! yes!! i love dogs i’ll take A HUNDRED of them

does lily have any cool animals?? i don’t think so, why doesn’t she get to be a cool kid?? maybe an augurey cause hm, accurate, but i’m not even sure. she’d love a dog but actually i think she’d be too afraid to lose him/her at war, like no way

i mean, she used to have a horse. what happened to the horses when she burnt the evans farm??? did she let them go, sold them, killed them in case they were infected too (cause it was pretty early on and we probably didn’t know shit yet about the virus), brought them to the blackbird ranch??

oh maybe the evans had a dog!! aron sure has a dog anyway, a very good boy that’s pretty much the only that can still make him smile the way he used to. or maybe a cat, but i’m rather thinking dog here. is aron a cat or dog person??

the blackbird ranch is a true noah’s ark i swear!! they have thestrals and hippogriffs and dragons and niffleurs, maybe they have also wolves hanging around? i mean, they’re a native american family you know. i don’t know. if yes, nathan go and help yourself (have i already said that nathan x wolves is a freaking aesthetic)

willy!! i love her!!

gosh why am i seeing parallels between willy and aron. stop it

i forgot willy had killed herself btw, gosh seeing the evans twins having suicidal tendencies must be so traumatizing for nathan

100% here for him to have a baby girl tho, pls get a wife already

weirdly enough i really don’t want lily to be a mother anymore, when she wanted so much kids when she was younger? and also, she always said she was fighting for the greater good, for the future of her people, for her future kids. but now she’s just thinking about the others’ kids? she sort of gave up on that. also it’s terrible for her to see children in times of war, so as much as she’d try to protect them, she wouldn’t be a Mother of All™ like aron or wynona or even nathan would be. interesting much!!

i mean anyway she’s been through so much physically she may even be sterile at that point :))

angelica is such a cool name

that really wasn’t related at all to my previous point, i’m a free bird yo

sacha as an artist!!!!!! yes!!!! lily is a true artist too, and the other day i was thinking about how this relates to her clumsiness. because i can see her playing music (irish harp!!), dancing (danse de salon ofc that’s what she does and also classic irish dances), and painting (so much!!). also doing sports, but she’d be pretty bad at it. actually she’s hyperactive so most of the time (before becoming an occlumens) she just didn’t pay attention to things, and thus did break things or fell badly while running. but hyperactives are also a bit monomaniac and can get super involved/obsessed with a single task and that’s what art would do to lily!!

also of course lily singing all the time, not necessarily great but with great spirit!!

that would be sort of her singing voice btw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrPHeRvmjqM&index=23&list=RDQMJzRQHxdVDcA can you imagine her singing that at the headquarters of the rebellion though lmao i’m not okay

so sacha and lily producing art in the middle of the chaos???? count me the fuck in

some additional thoughts regarding secondary characters:

fury!! i had this character in mind for so long!! he’s based off that norman reedus pv i had created on silver and opals. a ruthless rebel, with the face of cillian murphy or tom hardy (or, as originally planned, rami malek or norman reedus). irish also!! or maybe welsh. speaking/understanding gaelic anyway. and he’s like… what gus was to lexa in the 100? to lily. he’s the one who found her at the ministry (and so the one who got his ass kicked by her hihi), and ever since that he saw something in her? like when she mercy-killed fenugreek when no one else wanted to do it because he was a kid, he went like “always knew the kid had more balls than the rest of you”. and so he gradually became her back-up, her trusted man following her everywhere. he saw her power in the rebellion back when everyone thought she was just a weak child that had survived because everyone had pity for her. and ever since that he follows her, including in the muggleborn resistance, trying to keep her alive even though she’s so good at getting into trouble hihi. sort of a good little knight by his queen side.

btw is the muggle-born resistance movement a non-mixed movement? like are non-muggle/muggleborns wizards allowed in it?

anyway, and so yeah lily sort of gave hope to the very very hopeless person that was fury. he saw the light in her and is holding on it. actually there is so much mystery and imaginaire surrounding lily and her past that some people like him could actually fetishize her? make her into a sort of a messianic figure, and she would freak out so much, like wth stop it i preferred when people thought i was a small weak child!! but at the same time it’s a good way to control people and make sure they do what she thinks is best for them?? i don’t know?? but that would make her leadership very different from that of the rebellion for instance

can we talk about how everyone used to genuinely love lily and now everyone either hates her/wants her dead OR is obsessed with her in an unhealthy, fetishizing way?? can she have normal, non-complicated relationships in which people just appreciate her for who she is and not who she appears to be??? this is legit saaaaad, even her relationship with her brothers is going through ups and downs now. maybe the previous leaders really did appreciate her, but they also probably pitied her, and they’re out of the radar anyway for now. i’m actually rooting for sacha i guess? pls be a normal cool soft friend

i guess the relationship between fury and nathan would be interesting as well? they have common points and they both care a lot about lily; also fury has sort of “taken” nathan’s role as lily’s protector. is there tension, is there cooperation? i dunno. but fury has an undying loyalty towards lily and god does my girl need that

also the blackbird family!! they have a secondary branch that’s more leaning towards the deatheaters, maybe even working actively with them by now. that’s pure pragmatism, they’re done being killed and they think it’s the best way. the branch is headed by one of wynona’s cousin (who i originally thought would have the face of bob morley hihi) since the parents are also dead during the blackbird massacre at the very beginning of the war. they hate each other. some secondary-branch members have left it to join the blackbird ranch. maybe some of wynona siblings have done the other way around?? i always thought one of her sisters (marie avgeropoulos!!) would go rogue and join the deatheaters, and that they would eventually have to fight to death bah because otherwise it’s not funny hein

what’s originally the place of the blackbird family within society?? they’ve always lived a marginal life by choice, because they just don’t like british people, but they’re also purebloods! is there a pureblood council now and should they get a seat at it? were they ever invited to pureblood events/parties? wynona could have been the legal representative of the family at such events for some time, can you imagine? i really really need to exploit that

what is the american branch up to? do they have contact? are they coming? they’re the really scary ones. wynona may have gone rogue but she sure kept (most of) her family in check.

and yes, them being friends/allies with the macfusty clan!!! yasss

ok how freaking long is this??? i really got zero self-control lmao. brace yourself anytime for a thread that could constitute an entire book. wth. my brain’s a total mess.

xoxo, gossip girl

[u-f-o-no]

it's 1:30am. I'm tired I guess but not tired enough to really sleep. I meant to go eat something a couple hours ago but I haven't felt like it since my dad crumpled up my dinner and threw it off the porch because he was mad at me. I'm really lonely I guess but I also hate everyone right now so I don't know what that means or what to do. I was trying to get over a dislike of someone but then today i got back a peer review by them and all of the comments were the things I hate about myself. I don't feel like living anymore and I don't think there's anything anyone can do about it. I miss Sam. I hope he's doing okay in the hospital or w/e. I wish I could be with him. It'd probably be good for me. Today I was talking to Emily and everyone else in class heard me but her bc she never listens to me and she was probably texting Rachel. I don't know why I'm not good enough for these people?? They're not good enough for me so why the hell am I not good enough for them? I'm so tired and sad. I doubt my depression is a chemical imbalance anymore. I think my life just sucks ass. Which makes me feel ungrateful bc I'm not dying of typhoid fever or malaria or w/e. The comments he put weren't even like bad things you just don't understand what I was thinking you don't fucking know what it's like to be me. I have so many thoughts all the time and you may not have had an original thought in your life. He still gets into better colleges than me. People like him. He's not fucking depressed or dysphoric or a coward. He didn't drop out of ap physics. I should have taken a shower. I don't even know what I did today. I have no clue. I really should go to the hospital but I'm so scared of missing school and not graduating because I know I'm not going to kill myself because I'm scared which will make things worse. I have flashbacks to unsettling surreal dreams all the time now. It knocks me off my feet for a moment but I'm good at not letting it show so no one knows. I don't want to dream anymore. Some of them are cool but mostly they're bad. I downloaded a dream journal app but I've only made one entry because my dreams are so weird and multiplanar that I can't write them or even really describe them. I should have therapy twice a week at least but I feel bad because they're paying so much money. The only way for me to get real honest to God attention for my illness is to make an attempt on my life. I'd love to personally but I hate pain. I have enough of it as it is. I'm so guilty what the fuck. I don't have anything to be guilty about but I am anyway so I'm angry All the Time. No one cares enough to tell me it's not my fault and even if they did would I believe them? I don't even know what It is at this point but it's my fault. That doesn't even make sense why do I feel like this???! because I'm not going to kill myself I feel like I shouldn't be hospitalized and I'm guilty about faking being as bad as Sam or something like that. All my dad ever does is tell me I'm hurting him even though he's hurt me for years. Whenever he asks me what he's done wrong I forget everything like when someone asks you your favorite book and you suddenly forget everything you've ever read. That makes me feel guilty because I can't find anything bad that he's done and so I internalize his words and I have a little voice now that's his voice that screams Your Fault! every second of the day. I want it to stop. I want them to stop yelling at me. When I say this it sounds like I'm some kid who thinks being psychotic is cool and is like "yeah I hear voices" and that makes me feel guilty. idk tho bc I don't like think they're hidden spirits or anything i know they're coming from somewhere inside me but I didn't choose them so? I just want to fucking know what it feels like to be supported. No one person knows both the depth of my mental illness and the lengths of my identity. I allot different tidbits to different friends so that I never have anyone know me fully. I feel so guilty about being trans. Like I'm crazy or losing my mind or that it's just another mental illness I have. But I know it would be worse if I told people because they would think it's a mental illness. My mom would say "gender confused" and I would cry because that's how I felt my whole life until I realized I was this way. My dad would never look at me the same again and pray for me to go back and still tell me he loves me more than all the stars in the sky. And that would really fuck me up because for years all I've been shown is hate in the name of love and it's fundamentally broken me as a functioning human being. I can't stand physical contact because I'm so nervous. I'm so scared I'm going to mess it up and they're going to hate me. The other day my dad moved really quickly and I went into shock because I thought he was going to hit me. He continued like nothing happened but I thought I was going to cry. I was just in the car on the way to church. I rip whole tufts of my hair out now. We're almost at the two year anniversary of me asking to get my hair cut. It took a lot of courage to ask which shows that i really wanted it. I was shut down so quickly and with such contempt I've been scared to share anything about myself ever since. If he wouldn't let me style the dead protein strands on my head the way I want, no way was he going to be accepting of anything in my life besides what he wanted. I hate myself so fully now it's incredible. I used to be the most confident kid in class and now I just radiate self loathing underneath my suave exterior. And by suave like, doesn't have it together but is cool with that. I don't know. I guess I just wish people could see all this about me, but also I don't because I'm already so vulnerable this would make me ashamed and easily exploitable. Shame and guilt are things I should not be feeling and I know it. I'm so angry that the people in my life have driven me to this kind of state. But nevertheless I can't get past it. I'm just a scared kid. In fact, while many are fantasizing about getting old or married or what have you I'm fantasizing about getting to relive my childhood as my "new" or "preferred" or whatever the fuck You want to call it gender. I dream of being adopted by two nice men who love each other and teach me how to love. They are always supportive of me no matter what and comfort me when I need it. What's really fucked up is sometimes this is the only thing that gets me through the day. It's exactly like mr robot. Elliot creates a mental image of his dead father to comfort him because his body cannot handle the loneliness. It's 2am now. I guess I've vented a lot. I can't seem to make myself do anything. I'm in a rut. And I felt good on Sunday. That makes me feel like a fake too. Like I'm just being dramatic about school but I'm fine all other times. Which still isn't true but these things haunt me. No matter how many times I hear "you're valid uwu" I'm still going to hate myself and I'm still going to question. Crazy thing is I'll probably still go to school tomorrow. I'll sit in band class and stare blankly at the other wall dreaming about what my haircut might look like, or things that I'll wear when I look more like a boy. I'll smile at people around me and make sassy comments. I'll pay attention to all the crazy things nick says and think about playing trombone. Alyssa will laugh at something I say. I'll try to make eye contact with Emily when something happens even though I'm mad at her and she hates me. She won't notice and I'll feel stupid and unloved. Mr flood might give me a compliment if I do something well and it'll be the highlight of my day. He'll make a funny joke or say something odd and Alyssa will laugh again and I'll smile fondly. My heart is filled with such love it's absolutely horrible that anything like this has been allowed to happen. On the underneath of the rotting cool girl is a little boy who just wants to be held. Sometimes I call mr flood dad when he's out of earshot. I do that for mr Higdon occasionally too. They smile at me so bright and tell me I'm wonderful and delightful and compliment me on silly things that somehow make my day better even though I don't really care about them. I have dreams where I'm maybe three feet tall with fluffy blonde hair and I'm sort of hunched over trying to be small and unnoticeable and I'm crying and the tears are running down my face but I'm only sniffling, because I taught myself not to cry loudly a long time ago. I rub my eyes with my little child's hands and look up hesitantly to where I see a man standing, bending over slightly to talk to me. he looks sad but understanding and opens up his arms. I'm not sure if I'll go but then I think about being held above the ground away from my problems and I just run straight for them. As I land, I am lifted it up into a string, warm embrace. I feel safe for the first time I can remember. My arm is around his neck and one clings to his back. I bury my face between his shoulder and neck into the soft fabric there. And then I cry. I cry for a long time as the man plants gentle kisses in my hair and whispers soft unintelligible things. He rubs my back carefully and I feel myself relax. There is no tension in my childlike body. Bliss. My wildest dream is to have a loving father like that. Which makes me slightly sick. I understand Harry Potter visiting the mirror of erised so often now. Those desires are truly powerful, and those who already have strong relationships may avoid its allure easier. It's almost 2:30 I think my dad came home but that doesn't sound right. I never know when he's leaving. I'm scared just sitting here. I'm afraid he'll come in I'm afraid of the rodents in the ceiling falling on me and I'm afraid of the endlessness represented by the passing train. This whole existence feels like a cycle I can't break. Every day is blurred together. Every moment. I don't even know now if I've already written this. I do know I hate the noises of the nighttime. It is a time when we are more keenly aware of our aloneness and of all the tiny noises that lurk behind every day bustle. Humans have long been fascinated by the night. It stands as a place of unknowing, where danger can lurk easily. It used to be my greatest fear. Not the night it's self I told my mother, but the robbers in the dark. I'm so much more paranoid now, and I'm told it may be a side effect of the depression manifesting in a sort of pseudo-psychosis. Good to know not even my psychosis is real. Which makes me feel like I'm faking it. Seriously I'm about to go out of mind these squirrels sound like they're going to pounce on me at any second and while I'd like to die; not like that.