#not everyone wants a solution. sometimes they just want to talk for the sake of knowing someone else can relate

[emeraldgreaves]

.

[archie-sunshine]

sorry i love thinking about rodimus and drift's relationship and all it's complexities.

because like. it's not healthy. in the slightest. rodimus is actively using drift to justify his more negative behaviours. he literally talks about how he doesn't listen to either magnus or drift because one is too negative and one it too positive so he ends up being able to do what he wants.

there's also that one scene in the shadowplay arc where it's implied he starts calling drift slurs if he doesn't pick up his phone fast enough.

this scene btw

like obviously rodimus could be calling him anything but considering drift literally ends that statement with "anyways, let's move on" it's probably not the nicest thing. which is not indicative of a healthy friendship

but the thing is it kinda goes both ways. the lost light is a ship away from the rest of cybertron, drift is able to put some amount of distance between himself and his past and there's a sort of buffer that likely comes from being around rodimus

cause like. the thing is. drift isn't some sort of hippy chill guy. that's an act he puts on for everyone else. like he's still spiritual, that's a big aspect of his character, but he's still very much a morally grey guy. he's shown to have zero issues with throwing himself headlong into combat. there's one scene where he literally gets pissy at rodimus for kill stealing him

and in the sound of breaking glass which is the in between scene after the tyrest arc, we learn that drift doesn't leave for rodimus' reputation or his sake, he leaves for the rest of the crew.

quote

"When I put this sword through my spark, I saw something."

"What, like a vision?"

"Kind of. More a sense of how thing would play out. It was abstract and it was fleeting, and every time I call it to mind it becomes harder to interpret, but something is around the corner, Rodimus - and a year from now, or 50 years from now, that something will arrive, and we won't be able to stop it unless we find the Knights. And I don't care if you thin, 'Oh that's just Drift being Drift,' because I'm convinced that you need to remain in charge. People can come and go - they can die - but you have to be here, otherwise we will fail. And so the simple the solution - the only solution - is that I take the blame for this."

"I won't let you do this for me."

"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for everyone else."

End quote.

i don't know. i feel like this conversation is really important to understanding drift and rodimus' friendship that a lot of people miss because sometimes they don't read the interlude's.

drift and rodimus are not a healthy friendship but neither of them are actively trying to hurt the other. it's a mutually destructive relationship not just rodimus trying to take advantage of drift while drift is blissfully ignorant. (i really hate how people woobify drift. he's not some uwu spiritual hippy who is ignorant of how bad of a person he is. he's putting on a persona for everyone else to make them more comfortable around him, even if it makes him miserable and/or devalues him as a person in the eyes of others. that's why ratchet is good for him, because he doesn't care. he likes drift for drift.)

and that's a thing a lot of people seem to misunderstand about rodimus. he's not like, willfully ignorant. he's painfully aware of how badly he's fucked up on so many levels. that's a key aspect of his character arc. he recognises that he needs to grow and change

anyways hopefully this doesn't come off as annoying. i just really like thinking about the characters in mtmte and i think that a lot of people tend to conflate a lot of fandom personalities with the canon ones. something something, that every 3 months people should have to reread the source material

I have said this to literally everyone i've asked to read mtmte, and i will say it again:

RODIMUS STRAIGHT UP SUCKS.

LIKE FOR A REALLY REALLY LONG TIME.

The whole point of the story is that rodimus is a less than great guy who demands too much of people, disregards them, uses them, etc. and then he LEARNS. through having a thousand rocks thrown at him! that he needs to stop sucking!!!

They both enable each other's worst qualities. they are FULLY bad for each other. I have a soft spot for that kind of thing sometimes.

... BEFORE they go through their own separate character arcs.

I agree with everything you've laid out, because you ARE right, however, I argue personally that POST CANON driftrod can be healthy. I have a whole fix it fic planned about it, i believe they should kiss, etc etc

Like i'm a driftrod defender and i can say for certain that their initial friendship is very very bad for both of them, but I can SEE the POTENTIAL of them both growing as people, having to do that separately, and being able to come back together happily.

BUT GENUINELY PLEASE DONT FIGHT ME ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS IM SCARED I DONT WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN SHIP WARS-

[ataraxiaspainting]

(troupe member of your choice) reacting to a cheating accusation

“this is all a game to you isnt it?”

decided to do this request with machi! <333

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, thoughts of kidnapping the reader, manipulation, stalking, and implied violence (not on the reader).

Word Count: 800.

*~*~*~*

If there was one word you could use to describe the expression on Machi’s face, it would be nothing more or less than slight horror.

It’s ever so subtle, like how an astrologer would count the stars and find one missing, or find another new one that went unnoticed in the moments before it, no matter how small or insignificant it seemed then, in the past, or the present or the future. But you have learned to read Machi, have learned from how messy her hairstyles were to tell how annoyed she felt at your neighbors, have learned from what hoodie she was wearing to tell how much she spent on gifts for you. Most of all, you have learned how to differentiate the different shades of blue her eyes can change into, become, simply from how the sun hits or from how tired she is. You can read her, but can she read you?

When two mirrors face each other, what does one of them see?

What does the other one see? Will they see themselves, or one another?

When you look into Machi’s eyes, her eyes stare back at you too, don’t they?

“...What?” She’s confused, caught off guard perhaps, at your question, from how she crosses her arms in a defensive stance to counteract the glare from your eyes.

“That friend of yours, Pakunoda… she’s with you a lot.” You don’t want to accuse your girlfriend of anything, but with how secretive she can be sometimes confrontation is the best solution.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’ve also… been avoiding me.”

“Have not.”

“You have!” You blurt out, hugging yourself even tighter as you continue to weep. “If you don’t like me anymore, just say so! She’s prettier and wealthier and obviously is a much better fit for-”

“[First], please calm down.”

Machi simply notes that your insecurities are getting the better of you again.

But why?

Then, everything she has seen today while following you to work clicks into her mind, this breakdown of yours being the final missing piece in this puzzle. It’s definitive.

An investigation of sorts, to see which clues fit in what order.

A familiar face comes into her imagination. Two, actually.

Then… the number goes up all the way to twelve.

But the two original ones stay under bright light, while the others are cast in shadow.

The green-haired girl from your job, the one that always seems to pick on you, and Chrollo.

Her boss speaks first. Even in her mind, a landscape that is supposed to be only hers, he always seems to be the early bird, putting a few words in before anyone else could.

Machi, I think you are too merciful to obstacles. Continuing to be that way will only slow you down even more.

She thinks on those words. 

Impulses spread around her like a mist. Impulses she has kept down for so long for your sake, your happiness, whether that be putting pills in your food when you visit her or slicing the throat of that man who catcalls both of you whenever you walk by him at that park you like frequenting when the weather is warm.

Then that girl’s voice comes into her ears, and the mist looks red and sticks to her palms and stinks.

You’re such a low score. That girlfriend of yours can do much better.

The urge, as dark as blood, for Machi to tear everyone who has ever crossed you limb from limb.

“...I’ll be back.” She turns around, walking toward your apartment door, the needles in her jacket pocket feeling even colder in her hands. “We can talk about this later, alright? Just please calm down.”

“...Don’t break up with me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She interrupts, gripping the doorknob so tightly she must focus on something else entirely to prevent her from breaking it.

“B-But then where are you going? If I’m not a good girlfriend just s-”

“Sh.” 

You sniffle. At the sight and sound, she is reminded of Pakunoda taking care of her when she was so young, crying and pulling on her sleeves, begging her to not leave her too. Those memories are bitter, most days, but sometimes they are all she can hold on to, to prevent herself from falling apart.

“Machi… you aren’t leaving me?”

“No. Never.”

“Then where are you going?”

She doesn’t answer.

You choose not to pry anymore, but the anxiety still gnaws at you from within.

Perhaps for a different reason. This gut feeling… It's horrifying. 

But you don’t know where this feeling came from. At least not yet, or maybe not ever, if Machi continues to have it her way.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

On Renesmee’s stunted growth and the Cullen’s wondering whether it’s about the diet, curious as to how each Cullen views the situation. Is there anyone advocating for her to try human blood?

The post anon's referencing.

Oh boy, and yes, I imagine it's a matter of hot debate (which is why I cut the post off short before we could get into it.

Alice

Alice doesn't really care but mostly she's miffed that she can't see what will happen either way. Everyone's bickering and Alice feels pressure on her to predict her way out when she's 0 help here. She can't see if Renesmee will eventually die, if she's just stuck like this, if she'll grow older eventually, nothing.

She can't even predict which decision will make the family happiest. I imagine she votes animal blood because it's the most likely thing to keep the Cullens intact. The human diet just isn't sustainable even for one person and the Cullens would have to split in half over it.

Alice is against family splitting in half.

Bella

Get her the blood.

They can use blood donations again! Just because Renesmee needs blood doesn't mean she has to become a murderer/not be a Cullen anymore. And more importantly, how can they sacrifice Renesmee's health for an esoteric belief? It's one thing for the rest of them, where the only consequence is being a little weaker, Renesmee might die/is stuck like this.

If they don't want to steal from hospitals, fine, they can set up a fake blood drive/charity with Alice's money. They'll get humans to donate right there in a truck and then Renesmee can eat it fresh.

Bella fails to see why this is even a matter of debate and judges the Cullens strongly for talking about this at all.

Carlisle

As in most things canonically, Carlisle is team "you decide but there will be consequences". He likely lays out that yes, this may have stunted Renesmee's growth, she may even die young because of this, however it's her choice to make if she's willing to live with this for the sake of not eating people.

Most importantly, if she eats people, she can't stay. Eating blood donations is not sustainable at all and even if it was would be noticed. People would still die if those are stolen frequently enough to feed Renesmee. She would have to eat people, actual people, which means she can't stay.

Naturally, this ultimatum throws the family into chaos, and everyone's very upset by it, but them's the breaks.

Edward

Edward's torn. On the one hand, this is not good for Renesmee's health and growth, but on the other hand he can't support not being on the diet even for his daughter. More, if it comes to leaving the family... he can't leave the family.

As Bella's looking increasingly like she'll abscond with Renesmee to feed her people out of spite Edward finds himself more and more stressed as he has to choose between his beloved family and his other beloved family.

Edward tries to play both sides, this goes poorly.

Emmett

As always, Emmett's staying out of this one/taking whichever side Rosalie's taking. Privately, he thinks they should probably just feed the girl blood. Maybe send her to the Irish or something to look after and the family can visit from time to time. She'd be happy there.

Esme

Esme's siding with Bella. She doesn't see why they should be harming the family, doing this horrible thing to this girl, when there are solutions. They can make this work, they always do, and they can't kick Renesmee out for something that's not her fault.

Jasper

Jasper's also staying out of this one but also doesn't really have an opinion/is a bit torn. On the one hand, yeah, this might kill Renesmee. But on the other hand, sometimes life is miserable and you're born a vampire and it's better to die young and in pain than live the life of a murderer.

I imagine him feeling this is a choice Renesmee has to make for herself.

Renesmee

Renesmee doesn't know what's even happening. She's that dog in space.

I imagine she voices she'd rather stay on the diet, as then this argument can be avoided, and she doesn't become the family freak and the one who couldn't hack it.

No one listens to her.

Rosalie

Oh Hell no.

Renesmee's getting the blood. People die all the time, it happens, and there are lots of people who deserve to die for that matter. Are they going to watch Renesmee waste away, for something she can't help, just so they can feel morally superior?

(Yes, this is at odds with Rosalie's firm conviction to remain on the diet and judgement of those who cannot, but I imagine as with other canon events this would skew Rosalie's priorities a bit.)

[osseincactus]

I wanted to draw Archie with fins so the only reasonable solution was to redesign all the rr leaders (and Volo for Dio) I know a lot of people have made designs for them but i wanted to so...

Read more for info about them all:

Giovanni: Obviously the Leader Leader of Rainbow Rocket. He succeeded in taking over Sylph Co. and ruining everything with Team Rocket, so now he's just kinda rich and annoying. Nothing really crazy with him other than that... he's got a lot of money, he's got a lot of power and he's mean enough to flaunt it. He's trying to use the wormholes in Alola to further his own reach.

Maxie: Used Groudon to try to expand the land and in the process killed basically everything... there are a few people and pokemon just barely surviving around I'm sure but for the most part everything is pretty desolate. Plus holding the Red Orb for long enough fucked him over and now he's just kinda partly fused with Groudon. On the bright side he deals with the heat really well and doesn't get dehydrated so he's perfect for the fucked up world he made. He likes that it's warm in Alola but he's not a huge fan of the water...

Archie: Like Maxie, he used Kyogre to expand the Oceans and also killed basically everything, except water Pokemon. The Blue Orb fused him with Kyogre and now he has gills and can breath under water, but in the opposite way of Maxie he gets dehydrated quick and needs a lot of water. Sometimes he just up and leaves from the rr mansion so he can go swimming, since he's more comfortable in the water. Everyone else just waits for him to show back up instead of trying to find him.

Cyrus: Used the Red Chain to force Dialga and Palkia to help him create a new world, as well as Giratina. Protip: Don't force God's kids to do stuff, you will start bleeding from your eyes. The wings are because I like them, there's six of them and each set is based on a legendary of the Creation Trio. He's still the same person. He doesn't talk to the others much and spends a lot of time in his own room doing his own things.

Ghetsis: He succeeded in getting everyone to release their pokemon, leaving him with almost complete control over Unova and further. He's a lot like Giovanni, where he's just kind of a pretentious ass and he likes to rub his power in everyone's face. He got rid of his one arm because I don't think he'd keep an arm that barely works around for much longer if he could help it. He also has a sort of Reshiram/Zekrom motif throughout his outfit since he has acquired both of them. He bothers Giovanni a lot, since he's determined to use him to further his own plans...

Lysandre: Used the Ultimate Weapon and Yveltal to kill everyone... However killing everyone on the planet takes a lot of energy to accomplish and royally fucked him up. Like AZ he got a whole lot taller but it also burnt most of his body, blinded him and kinda ruined a big chunk of his critical thinking. He's a borderline scp creature that's fueled by blood lust. He's useful for keeping anyone from bothering RR but the Leaders try to keep their distance from him for the sake of themselves. He does go through moments of clarity where he's mostly himself but sometimes he also just tries to kill anything that's near him.

Volo: He isn't an RR member obviously but I made him a design for Dio! I just wanted to give him a new outfit. I highly doubt he's super happy with the new world he's created seeing as it doesn't really change much even if he is basically God now. He's still kinda miserable and lonely. I'm sure he regrets it but it's not like he can go back on it and even if he could he's got a facade to keep up.

Lusamine isn't here mostly because I already really like her Mother Beast design so maybe I'll just draw it at some point...

[yardsards]

on one hand there is a need to not pour all of your trauma and distress onto people who aren't close to you/are unable to provide any support to you, and to provide warnings to avoid triggering other people's trauma. these are true statements.

but on the other hand. sometimes i want to talk about my past: not even in a venting/seeking support way, just talking about it candidly or even joking about it, the same way non-traumatized people talk about their pasts. but then i end up couching it all in trigger warnings or straightup censoring myself and not letting myself speak about it. and it just makes me feel very Othered, another reminder that a normal childhood was robbed from me

it feels a lot like how when i was a young teen, i felt pressured to tag pictures of my own disabled body as "body horror tw" or just avoid showing off my "deformed" parts in photos in general

like, the fact that i was abused feels just as much a part of me as the fact that i'm a congenital amputee is

but at the same time i don't think the solution is to simply stop censoring or tagging and just expecting everyone to get over their discomfort or leave, the same way i now do with my physical disability

because hiding or warning about my physical disability never felt like i was doing that for people with the same disability as me, it felt like it was for the sake of squeamish able-bodied normative-looking people (even if those people's squeamishness may sometimes be *amplified* by mental illness/disability.)

whereas with this, it's not to protect squeamish outsiders, it's to protect fellow trauma sufferers.

at least, it should be, in theory. a lot of times it feels less like that and more like i'm just placating non-traumatized people's discomfort. like i'm really just sating the voice in my head that says

"you know you can't talk about these ugly things in polite company, don't burst people's beautiful bubbles with your ugly stories, your experiences were on the margins and should stay there, don't make anyone uncomfortable"

"you can't talk about your parents like that, abuse is such a harsh word, respect your elders, keep quiet and be grateful"

and worst of all

"kid, these stories better not leave our house, or else"

idk

i'm gonna continue watching carefully how and when i talk about shit and using trigger warnings, but i'm also gonna continue feeling Weird about it every time, y'know?

[kokorosfanfics]

What The Hope Were You Doing? Mondo x Fem!S/O

Plot: You and Mondo are dating and in the same class. Your best friend is Nagito, and you are regularly roped into his bizarre schemes and plans. This time, the great plan to get everyone more time before an exam backfires horrendously and Mondo has to come to the rescue. Inspired by the anime where Nagito blows up the gym, but of course edited and changed up for the plot. (I do NOT condone bombing. This is purely fictional and meant to be harmless. Don't f*cking bomb a place just because you read about it in fanfiction.) -Mod Kokoro

Here you are, sitting in the middle of class and bored out of your mind. The teacher was going off about some subject you really didn't care about, and your boyfriend was asleep next to you. The subject was tiring and hardly anyone besides Taka and Kyoko could follow along. Come to think of it, you could skip and not miss anything crucial. That's when you got a text from your best friend, Nagito.

You pull out your phone to view the notification.

Nagito: Hey, I know I have no business disturbing an Ultimate like this, but I wanted to ask if you were available.

S/O: You're literally my best friend. Also, I am available. I wanted to sneak out class anyways. I can't pay attention to something so boring.

Nagito: Well you see, that's perfect. Do you want to meet me by the school gate?

S/O: Sure thing. On my way now. See you bestie.

You raised your hand.

"Yes S/O?" Your teacher called on you.

"May I use the restroom?"

"Of course."

With that, you excused yourself from the room to make your way downstairs and to the school gate, where your best friend waved you over.

"Hey S/O. Glad you could be here. I'll explain while we walk."

"Ah, I got it. You need my help in a plan for the sake of hope?"

"Exactly! I knew you'd figure that out. As expected of such a hopeful Ultimate!" He praised you.

"Aww you're too sweet. So, what're we doing this time?"

"Well, in my class, everyone is anxious about the next exam. I don't know how it is in yours, but everyone feels like they're not ready. Like they need more time."

You nodded. "Actually, my class is feeling anxious about it as well. They announced it so suddenly, we hardly have any time to prepare! I take it you have a solution?"

"Yes." He stopped to look at you with a dark look in his eyes.

"We're going to blow up the gym."

"W-WHAT?" You gasped, taken completely aback. You knew your best friend could be a little crazy sometimes, but this was something new.

"Yeah. I have a plan to blow up the gym. They'll be so focused on repairs, they'll have no choice but to suspend the exams."

"We are going to cause grievous property damage.... For an EXAM?"

"I want my classmates to succeed. That includes you. I don't want to see the symbols of hope succumb to despair. This has to be done."

He had a point. This was weighing down on everyone, and here you're presented a way to fix it. Most people would say "That's fucking stupid." And probably report it, but you knew Nagito. His luck helped him excel and succeed in nearly everything he set out to do, or got into. You could understand him, and empathize with him. You knew him like no one else did. So, after a deep breath, you answered.

"Alright. As long as we don't kill anyone, and nobody is harmed, then, I'm in."

His smile grew wide and he let out a laugh. "Oh it's beautiful! To see an Ultimate such as yourself agree to take on such a plan so hope may prevail! I'm truly honored to have the privilege of working with you."

"It's your idea, and I'm really agreeing because your my best friend and I trust you. I have 100% faith in you. I know how much hope means to you, and it's become important to me too."

"Mondo should consider himself lucky to be with such an outstandingly hopeful Ultimate! I bet he'd be so proud right now!"

Actually, if Mondo knew of this discussion, Nagito's face would have a fist in it and you'd be getting a LONG talk on how dangerous bombs are and all the trouble you could get into. Taka would even help him. But you don't tell him that.

"Ah, yeah let's actually keep this a secret between us. Don't wanna get arrested or sued for this."

"Haha, good point. But in case we do, I'm sure Fuyuhiko has connections to bail us out."

"True, but let's not chance it. If we can help it, of course. Hehe." You giggled. This actually sounds like an exciting project.

"Right. I don't want to get arrested either. Plus, your boyfriend might kill me if I got you into legal trouble. I wouldn't blame him either."

"Sooo, how are we gonna blow it up?" You asked with enthusiasm, finally getting pumped up for this insane plan of yours.

"Well, my pharmacist friend let's me roam around the cabinets with all her stuff. I already have everything we need to build the bombs. There's an abandoned warehouse not too far from here. It'll give us the space and privacy we need. I also got us some gloves, goggles, and other safety equipment."

"Awesome! Let's go! For hope!" You cheered.

"Yes! For hope!"

With that, you and Nagito made your way to the abandoned building and got to work. You put on your gloves and goggle and got to it. During which, you two talked about anything that came to mind, school, video games, anything really. But then you realized something. There was more that needed to be thought of.

"Wait so, how are we going to make sure it doesn't get traced back to us? I mean, they're going to investigate, and they'll see we don't have alibis. Also, how are we going to plant them and then set them off without getting caught in the blast?"

"Ah that, I'm actually going to just rely on my luck." Nagito laughed it off. Had this been anyone else, you'd be absolutely terrified. But, it was Nagito, and you've seen his luck be legitimate. You knew you could count on him, and trust his luck would protect you both.

So you shrugged. "Alright, that works for me."

"Wow, really? Most people don't like hearing when I say that."

"I'm not like most people. Plus, I know you well enough to believe in your luck. And you're my best friend. So, I trust you. If you say your luck will cover us and keep us safe, then I believe you wholeheartedly. I have no reason not to."

You could've sworn a tear rolled down his eye.

"Such hopeful, inspiring words of friendship! You fill me with so much hope!"

"Aww, I'm glad." You smiled at him.

Then, your phone started to buzz. At first you ignored it, but in a few minutes it started buzzing even more. Repeatedly.

"Hey I think you should check that. You should probably turn off notifications so you don't get distracted." Your friend suggested.

"Yeah you're right. Alright gimme a moment."

You opened your phone to find notifications from Mondo, Chihiro, Leon, and Taka.

Mondo: Hey babe. I heard you went to the bathroom a while ago and haven't come back. Teach sent Sayaka to check on you. She says you weren't there. What's going on?

Mondo: Babe? You there?

Mondo: I'm getting nervous. Please answer me.

Mondo: Chihiro just told me he saw you out the window a while ago to meet a friend and walk off. At least warn me before you skip. But where are you guys going?

Mondo: HELLO?????? I'M GETTING NERVOUS HERE?????

"Uh, hey S/O you alright?" Nagito noticed the guilty look on your face.

"It's my boyfriend. He's getting anxious and wants to know where I am."

"Just tell him you went to catch up with your bestie. You're technically not lying. If you feel bad omitting what we're doing, you can just tell him after the fact. I doubt he'd rat out his girlfriend."

"You're right. Alright hold up."

S/O: Hey love! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you texted me. Yeah, I'm with my best friend right now. I would've told you, but you were asleep and I didn't wanna wake you.

Mondo: I'm glad you're okay and you care about my sleep, but where are you two? You know I worry about your safety.

"He's asking where we are."

"Tell him you're helping me on an important project. Again, not a lie."

S/O: We just went to go help him on a really important science project. That's all.

Mondo: Okay. You want me to tell the teacher you threw up and decided to just head home?

S/O: Yeah that would be great actually. Thanks love.

Mondo: Np Sweetheart.

You decided to see what your other notifications are.

Leon: Don't tell him I sent this.

There was an attachment. A video of Mondo being anxious about where you were and asking if you were okay. He becomes progressively more anxious when there's no response from him texting you. It was cute, and it made you chuckle, but you still felt bad. Hopefully he won't find out about what this "science project" actually was.

Chihiro: Hey, S/O. Mondo is really worried about you. You don't really ever skip class and Yasuhiro is saying he's predicted you're in a dangerous situation. Can you please tell him you're fine?

S/O: Don't worry I just did.

Finally, Taka's texts.

Taka: S/O, skipping class is not welcome in a school environment. Sayaka has reported you aren't in the restroom like you said you'd be. After school I would like an explanation.

S/O: Well last time I checked getting people sick wasn't welcome in a school environment so I don't know what you want me to do here.

Taka: Yes, Mondo just told us you threw up. I am so sorry, please forgive what I said.

S/O: Don't worry I forgive you. Later!

You turned off your notifications after that to prevent further distraction.

"Alright, Mondo told them I wasn't feeling well and threw up. So I guess I'm covered."

"I knew we'd turn out fine." Your friend smiled.

You resumed building the explosives together.

"Finally! We're done. I'm thinking tomorrow morning, we'll get there early and plant them before school starts. We'll come back at normal time, blend in with everyone else, and they'll be set off just in time so no one enters." Nagito explained.

"Let's go a step further. I wanna place a DO NOT ENTER sign in front of the gym, just to make sure nobody goes inside." You suggested.

"Good idea. As expected of an Ultimate."

You and Nagito went home, him carrying the bags. You went to sleep anticipating the big day tomorrow.

The Next Morning.

Nagito came over at 5:30 A.M. You were both dressed in darker clothing to blend in with darkness in the closed school.

"Alright! Let's do this. For hope." Your friend grinned in wild anticipation.

"Yeah! Let's have a blast." You winked.

"Haha, that's a good one."

And so, you scaled the fence and made your way onto campus grounds. You snuck quietly over to where the gym was.

"You start planting them. I'll locate the DO NOT ENTER sign." You whispered.

"Good call. Come join me as soon you do that." Nagito whispered back.

You located the sign easily, and gently picked it up. You carried it outside the doors, and placed it. This will ensure nobody would blasted to smithereens. Afterwards, you rejoined Nagito.

"Here. Take these- gently. Place them over on the other side, make sure they're covered just enough to not be immediately noticeable, but enough exposure to completely tear this place apart."

"Got it captain." You saluted before you tiptoed your way over.

The bombs were finally placed, and it was time to go home.

"Okay, we got the hardest parts done. I've set them to go off at 7:35. That way, it'll be over before school can actually start, and we get to enjoy the beautiful display of hope we built." Nagito explained.

"Yeah, I like it. Plus, the gym doesn't officially open until 8:00. That plus the sign will guarantee nobody gets hurt or killed."

"And we have to act natural. We need to be as horrified as everyone else to avoid suspicion." He said.

"What? You mean we can't start dancing and cheering about it in the name of hope? Aw man, I was gonna get a boombox and everything!"

Nagito chuckled. "Perhaps we can have an after party at your place afterwards. Or mine. Maybe we'll get a baker to make your favorite cake and spell HOPE with the icing."

"Yup! I love it."

"We'll invite your boyfriend to join us. He might be weirded out, but that's okay."

"Let's invite all our classmates!"

"We're going to need a really big cake."

Before you knew it, you were home already.

"Hey, when does Mondo usually pick you up to take you both to school?" He asked.

"Typically at 7:15. So we'll be on time. It's a rather short drive."

"Ah, that works. Goodnight S/O. See you in a few hours."

"See you, bestie." You hugged him tightly before he left to go to his house.

At 7:15

You had already changed into your usual attire. You brought your bag, even though you wouldn't need it, simply to keep up appearances. Can't have anyone thinking you were involved with the soon to be big explosion.

Right on cue, your boyfriend had pulled into your driveway. You were so excited, you ran out the door before he could knock.

"Mondooooo!" You jumped into his arms.

"Woah! Hey babe, glad to see ya too." He caught you and held you close.

"You seem oddly happy to see me." He pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I missed you! Helping Nagito with his science project took forever. We had to stay up to get it done."

"Man, for someone who's supposed to have ultimate luck, he's pretty unlucky to have to pull an all nighter."

"That's true, but it happens. Maybe he'll get an A+ so it cancels out." You felt guilty lying, but you'd fess up when the whole ordeal was done with. Just to him though.

"By the way, why didn't you tell someone sooner you were sick? Taka and I had to convince teach not to write ya up."

"Well, I hadn't thought of that excuse. I guess I was just too eager to get out of class."

"It's fine. You don't normally skip, so it's fine if you hadn't thought of a cover beforehand. Just ah, some warning would be nice. You know I tend to get nervous, especially when it comes to you."

"Awww!!" You reached up to kiss him.

"You're so sweet, love."

"Hey, I'm your boyfriend. It's my job to worry about ya and be all sweet and shit." Mondo blushed.

"Hey, is it true Yasuhiro predicted I was in danger?" Mondo tensed up. He took a sharp breath in.

"Yeah, he scared the fucking shit out of me. I know he's supposed to be 100% right 30% of the time, and regardless of the odds, something like that scares me. So I panicked a bit."

You knew Yasuhiro's predictions weren't far off, you had been handling bombs. But you weren't about to tell him that. At least not yet.

"Well, let's get to school." Mondo picked you up to place you on his bike. The two of you rode off on your way to school.

You were finally here. Mondo parked his bike, Taka, Leon, and Chihiro caught up with you. The five of you began your walk to school.

"Feeling better S/O?"

"Yeah! Much better. Thanks Chihiro."

"S/O, I printed a copy of my notes for you so you won't have to fall behind. Here!" Taka handed you them.

"Aww, thanks!" You placed them in your bag. Turns out it did have an actual use after all.

"You sure you're better?" Leon placed an arm on your forehead.

"She's fine Leon." Mondo responded.

"Good point. She seems more energetic now. Almost like.... She knows she has a super strong boyfriend to worry about her." You knew he was referencing the video he sent you of Mondo panicking. You giggled at that.

"Damn right she does." Mondo placed an arm around you.

You checked your watch. It was 7:29. 6 minutes until the gym was sent to be completely obliterated.

As your group kept walking, you saw Nagito up ahead. He seemed to be walking by himself.

"Hey Nagito!" Chihiro called out to him.

"Oh! You must be S/O's friends. And her boyfriend!" He greeted back.

"So this is your best friend S/O?" Leon asked.

"Yup! We've been besties since middle school." You answered back.

"Ah, I can remember the first time we met! It was just after we were kidnapped, we-"

"WHAAAAAAT?" Everyone except you and Nagito exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, KIDNAPPED? Oh my God, are you two okay?" Taka asked in bewilderment.

"What the FUCK?! Did I hear you right? KIDNAPPED?! Babe, why didn't you tell me this? I woulda beat the shit out of whoever the fuck kidnapped you!" Your boyfriend looked like he could kill a man right now.

"Ah, sorry Mondo. It wasn't some big secret, it just never sorta came up?" You laughed nervously.

"I kind of want to know what happened next." Chihiro muttered.

"Don't worry I'll tell you. So basically, we were trapped, and we formed a plan to escape. It was beautiful! Such hope, it shone so brightly it brought a tear to my eye! We knocked him out and took his phone to call the police. After that we were set free. We realized how much of a great team we could be when we set our hearts together, and we've been the best of friends since then!" Nagito told Chihiro the story.

"You know what, I'm just glad you're both alright. I mean, wow. That's a wild way to make a best friend." Leon spoke.

"I think we're all a little shocked." Chihiro replied.

"Babe, if this guy comes back, lemme know so I can bash his fuckin' skull in."

"I doubt we'll see him again, but if we do you'll be the first to know." You reassured him.

After answering some questions they had on that bombshell of a revelation, you guys made it in. Nagito had to go his own separate way to his class. It wasn't until you sat down, that it dawned on you.

The bombs hadn't gone off.

You checked your phone, 7:37. They should've blasted by now.

You quickly pulled out your phone.

S/O: Hey, Nagito? How's the science project?

You decided to speak in code. Just in case the plan was discovered and completely foiled.

Nagito: It's just my luck, I lost a key component. I think something fell when we walked by the gym. I'm on my way to get it now.

S/O: Need me to come help rebuild it?

Nagito: Yes.

S/O: Coming.

You wanted to bolt out and run to the gym, but not without someone noticing. You raised your hand.

"Yes S/O?"

"M-May I use the restroom?"

"Oh dear, are you still sick?"

"I-I don't know, but I need to go."

"Very well. But if you have to leave campus, please inform me this time."

"I will." You got up and ran, not caring what anyone thought.

You had to get to the gym. Something was wrong with the bombs.

But as you were running there to meet Nagito, you missed an interaction in class.

Toko raised her hand.

"Yes Toko?"

"S-S/O w-was texting class."

"What do you mean?"

"I-I saw on her p-phone. She's actually going to the gym. Her friend wants to meet her there."

Taka spoke up. "But the gym has a DO NOT ENTER sign in front of it! Students aren't allowed in until 8:00!"

Toko shrugged. "Who knows. That Nagito guy is a freak. I heard from his other classmates he goes off on rants about hope and despair all the time, and he's always up to no good. Maybe this time he's involved S/O. Those t-two are probably meeting a-at the gym to blow it up." Yet, she didn't know how accurate that last sentence was.

"HEY! S/O isn't violent. She's my girlfriend, for crying out loud I know her good enough to say she wouldn't ever get involved in any of that crazy shit! If she says she's not feeling well, then she isn't feeling well!" Mondo defended you.

"But... When I checked on her, she wasn't there." Sayaka responded.

Mondo knew you had skipped before, and he doesn't know why you're skipping again already, or even if you are skipping.

"Well how about this." The teacher spoke up.

"Mondo, Taka, Leon and Chihiro. You four are who S/O regularly hangs out with. I want you four to do a thorough search of the gym's perimeter. Sayaka and Toko, search the girl's bathroom. She should be in either of those locations. I don't have an actual assignment planned besides review for the exam, so it isn't an issue to send out that many people."

Everyone agreed, and so the search begins.

Back to you. You found Nagito at the gym entrance.

"*huff* Okay. *huff* What's the plan now?" You panted out.

"We're going to sneak back inside and carefully inspect the bombs to see what went wrong." You followed him as he began to open the door.

"S/O? HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?" Oh no. That voice. Taka.

You turned around, in the distance was Taka, Mondo, Leon, and Chihiro running towards you.

"SHIT!" Nagito exclaimed. He grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you inside immediately.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" He shouted, trying to get under control.

"Nagito, we can't let them in!" You whispered.

He grabbed some boxes and began pushing them in front of the door. You quickly joined him in barricading the door.

"Okay, I think that's heavy enough to keep them out. Let's check on the bombs. And quick." Nagito was beginning to sweat.

"Hey, we still have your luck to fall back on, don't we?"

"You're right. We do."

The two of you went to where the bombs were. You started inspecting.

"Hey, how did you time them?"

"I set it on the bomb itself. I- Oh. That's the problem." He looked down.

"What is it?" You looked down to see. 7:55. Nagito accidentally set it to 7:55 instead of 7:35.

"Whew! Alright, good news. These things are still going off." Nagito cheered.

You both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wait." You realized.

"Hm?" Nagito looked at you.

"It's going to explode with us inside." You told him.

"Um... Shit. I don't suppose we can leave through the doors now."

"What about the window?"

"They're too high up. We can't reach. We'd need to move the boxes to make a staircase." Nagito explained grimly.

"And if we do that, those four will come in the gym! Wait, what time is it?" You checked your watch. 7:50.

"WE'RE GOING TO BLAST WITH THIS PLACE IN FIVE MINUTES IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING!" You screamed.

"S/O! NAGITO! You heard shouting from the doors. Taka's voice

"Aaaand they're here." Nagito said, calmly.

"HEY? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? S/O ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT THE FUCK IS NAGITO UP TO?"

"M-Mondo! Um, hey we just have stuff to take care of." You replied, trying not to sound anxious.

"OY THEN WHY BARRICADE SO WE CAN'T GET IN?" Leon shouted. You heard what sounded like fists banging on the doors.

Nagito put a hand on your shoulder and whispered into your ear. "My luck hasn't failed me yet. We'll make it. Just trust me."

"I know. I trust you with my life. But we need to still think of something. Only a few moments before this place is going to blast." Unfortunately, you did not whisper, and the four panicked men on the other side heard that.

"BLAST? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BLAST? DON'T TELL ME TOKO GUESSED CORRECTLY?" Leon exclaimed.

"Y-Yesterday, Yasuhiro specifically predicted S/O was in a dangerous situation." Chihiro finally spoke up.

"NAGITO, EITHER YOU LET S/O OUT THIS INSATNT, OR I BEAT YOUR FUCKING FACE IN AND KILL YOU! DON'T WORRY S/O I'M GONNA GET YA OUT OF THERE!" Mondo shouted.

"NAGITO KOMAEDA! BOMBING IS UNWELCOME IN A SCHOOL ENVIRONEMT, AND IF S/O IS HARMED OR KILLED BECAUSE OF YOU, I WILL MAKE SURE YOU ARE EXPELLED! I'LL GO AGAINST YOU IN COURT!" Taka shouted.

"GUYS! You're all forgetting something important!" You yelled.

"WHAT?" They all asked in unison.

"My ultimate talent! I'm my classes ultimate lucky student. My luck has never failed me, so rest assured S/O and I are going to make it just fine!" Nagito calmly explained.

"OHHHHH YOU'RE ASKING FOR A BEATING NOW! YOU RISK MY GIRLFRIENDS LIFE FOR YOUR DUMB WHIMS, AND YOU JUST RELY ON SOME STUPID "LUCK" IN CASE THINGS GO SOUTH!"

"GUYS IT'S FINE! Nagito told me everything yesterday, we agreed to do this together! We did it for everyone! Nagito just wanted to help!"

"HELP? HOW IS BLOWING UP A GYM GOING TO HELP ANYONE?" Taka asked.

"S/O HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" Leon couldn't believe his ears.

"I want to see my classmates succeed, I know how stressed both classes are about the exams. No one is prepared. Doing this will force them to suspend exams, giving everyone more time!" Nagito told them.

"SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT AN EXAM, AND YOUR NATURAL SOLUTION IS TO CONVINCE YOUR INNOCENT BEST FRIEND TO HELP YOU BLOW SOMETHING UP?" Taka screamed. This wasn't getting better.

"Guys, please! Cut Nagito some slack. Remember, I agreed to it, so I'm just as bad. But it's gonna be alright. Everyone just needs to go back to class, Nagito and I will just get out the gym, it'll explode and we can all go home and laugh this off."

"BOMBING IS NO LAUGHING MATTER!" Taka yelled back.

"S/O, I DON'T KNOW WHAT NAGITO HAS DONE TO YOUR HEAD, BUT HOLY SHIT YOU COULD DIE!" Your boyfriend screamed. You could hear it in his voice, he was tearing up. He thought he was actually going to lose you.

"Oh, love. I know how scary this looks. But don't worry. I'll be on the other side in a moment. We've got this covered." You told him.

Nagito took you by the hand and lead you to the center of the gym. The others kept shouting, but you weren't paying attention.

"I got this trampoline set up. It's going to blast in 30 seconds. I have my watch set. We'll jump together. If we're lucky, the roof will be blown off so we'll jump out smoothly."

"Perfect! I knew we'd be alright." You smiled warmly.

Nagito took your hand in his. You both nodded in unison at each other.

And then it came.

The bombs blew, the place exploding, you both jump as hard as you could. Some of the bombs had been tied to the ceiling. The impact of the blast sent you two even higher, and away from the gyms location. You were so high up you could hardly believe it.

"WOOOOOOAAAAAA!" You both were shot up instantly into the air, before gravity began it's forceful pull. Pulling you both downward. You shut your eyes, gripping each other's hands as hard as you could. You were falling, falling so fast.

But then you landed. You landed, and it felt.... soft? There was the impact, yes, but surprisingly you hardly felt a thing.

"Ah, seems my luck provided us with a cushion." Nagito mused.

You looked around. You were in the back of a truck that happened to be conveniently packed with pillows, and it was conveniently parked walking distance from the school.

"Nagito, look!" You pointed. There it was, the blast that obliterated the gym.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! OHHH YES! SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DISPLAY OF HOPE! WE'VE DONE IT S/O!" He cheered.

"Oh Nagito this is wonderful! I can feel the hope pulsing within me!" A tear of happiness fell from your eye.

You both exited the truck, and shared a tight embrace.

"Oh, S/O. I knew we could do it! We'll have inspired so much hope!" Nagito cried tears of joy.

"Come on, let's go let them know we're okay!" Before you could take him by the hand, a motorcycle came driving furiously towards you.

"Oh, I think they figured out we're okay." He chuckled.

"Yeeeaaaah.... Do you wanna run so you don't get beat up?"

"Nah, I'm on a good lucky streak."

"Alright."

Finally, the motorcycle with four people on it came to a stop. They all came running to you.

"Hey guys! What's up?" Your bestie asks. You burst out laughing.

"OHHHH YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP YOU GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH!" Your boyfriend was about ready to kill him. You looked at Leon, he looked ready to kill him too.

You quickly moved yourself in front of Nagito with your arms wide out to protect him.

"HOW CAN YOU STILL DEFEND THIS BASTARD?" Leon yelled out.

"He told the truth! We're fine. Everyone is fine."

"S/O. Babe." Mondo hugged you tight.

"I could've lost you! I thought you were going to die. All because, what, some people are scared of a measly fuckin exam?"

"Oh, love." You hugged back. "Shhh. It's okay." You rubbed his back to soothe him.

Mondo sobbed uncontrollably into your arms.

"Nagito..... There WILL be consequences!" Taka exclaimed.

"Oh? But haven't you seen? S/O is completely fine. Happy even! So there's nothing to be concerned about.

"You still could've got the both of you killed! Don't you understand? You can still be arrested for this! They have cameras!" After Taka said this, Mondo's embrace tightened.

"Oh no, I'm actually already hacking into the camera system right now. I'm deleting the footage!" Chihiro chirped happily.

"WH- YOU CAN DO THAT?" Taka questioned.

"Yeah. I'm the ultimate programmer. I'm also seeing how exactly they went and did this." Chihiro showed everyone his laptop.

"So here we see them climbing the fence. They're entering, S/O comes out to place the sign. Then in the gym, here they are getting set up. Now they're climbing out." Chihiro deleted their footage, ensuring no one would be caught.

"Fuck. S/O, please. Don't scare me like that again." Mondo cried out through sobs.

"Hey, it's alright. I promise I won't blow up any more gyms, mkay?" You kissed his forehead.

"So uh, when they start investigating, I don't care what happens to Nagito, but we don't want S/O going to jail. They'll notice her odd behavior days before the blast, plus what Toko told us." Leon explained.

"Don't worry Leon. We have more than just my luck, one of the ultimates in my class is a Yakuza leader! He'll make sure we aren't arrested." Nagito tried to reassure Leon.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" They all shouted.

"But it might not come to that. Nagito's luck hasn't failed us at all!" You chirped happily.

Eventually, the police were unable to find evidence as to what happened to the gym. The case was dismissed, and the exam was canceled entirely. People were still shook from the whole ordeal, but there was still a happy ending. Just exactly as planned. How hopeful! You had to give your boyfriend lots of assurance that you won't do something like that again. Yeah, he was really shaken, poor guy. At least everyone is fine now.

[mandatory-blog-stop-asking]

Star Trek Is A Failing Theme Park

Much like many others I used to be a bonafide Star Trek Discovery hater, and even though I thoroughly enjoy it now, I honestly don't regret that time in my life.

I think Discovery season 1 and most of season 2 were a little ashamed of having to be an old sci-fi show, so they kept trying to be a show about violent, impulsive, very special unique people that happened to go to space every once in a while. Which Star Trek has been, on occasion, but never in a way I personally find better than what it usually is -- philosophizing and talking about real world or allegorical drama for 40-50 minutes until a solution arises that doesn't really make anyone super happy and not everyone comes out unscathed, but the compromise means there's hope for a better solution tomorrow, and the day after that, until it works.

The personal dramas usually related to their reactions to storylines, but were ultimately secondary to the bigger pictures, and acted as bows you tie the narrative with at the end. If Kirk did not make it through the episode unscathed, that's cool, but the episode was rarely only about his demons. It could heavily relate to his demons but that wasn't the whole source of the spectacle. The Naked Time works as a way to examine characters in crisis, not necessarily as a Kirk episode where it's all about him.

Because of that, I was basically the audience for seasons 3 and 4. While Season 3's ultimate plot wasn't the most interesting thing in the world, the idea that they were now dealing with their "own version" of the galaxy, writing their own plots that didn't have to come before everything else and figuring out their own threats that didn't have to eventually connect back to Star Trek canon was a massive improvement.

The decision to interweave character drama into storylines as opposed to making the storylines about the character drama also greatly expanded upon people's roles in the ship, and you finally got to see people like Detmer or Owosekun doing shit and being useful, instead of just being on the bridge nearly unnamed. I genuinely think Season 4 of Discovery is one of the best seasons in modern Star Trek; even if it trips and falls sometimes, I think it's well worth the creative risk and I was left very satisfied after watching it.

So when Discovery season 5 turns around and tells me it's about an episode of TNG I watched once, and then they start going to a planet from an episode of TNG I watched once, and then here comes another episode where they go to an episode of DS9 I watched once, and there's more 24th century-specific stuff that's gonna happen, it's...

It's very hard to feel like we're not regressing? I realize at this point the show is very, very cancelled -- they weren't even told it was happening until they were filming the finale, but at the same time, is this really what the plan was? To not boldly go into something original, instead picking up threads from episodic shows released decades ago? What are we, Star Trek: Picard?

Now for the sake of transparency, I feel like this is might be more of a personality problem than a media consumption problem for me, because I am genuinely allergic to nostalgia. I have no respect or attachment for media whose only mission is to remind me of things that existed, and franchises that have made that their entire MO have basically died for me. Like, I can't watch Star Wars anymore. It stopped mattering how good or bad it is for me because all I see in stuff like Mandalorian season 2 is pilots for shows I'm not gonna watch, and cameos from characters I don't want to see right now. The stories are no longer the point, the point is the brand and how easily recognizable it is.

So when Discovery tells me that their last hurrah is going through the Star Trek theme park, pointing at rides I've already gone to and saying "Isn't it cool we get to say these words again? That we get to see this thing again?" I'm left cold. I don't want to see the Progenitors again. I don't want to see the Promellians again. I like seeing the Trills again, it's one of my favorite species in the franchise, but we have seen so much of the Trills between DS9 and DIS, I really feel like this is... not the way forward. This theme park is not the reason why I think about Star Trek.

It reminds me of why I stopped caring about Star Trek Online. The practical reason was me not liking the minibuys and the combat, and the game's only mode of operation being to attack -- it's a fine ship combat game and a mediocre but working third person shooter, I just don't care enough to play it forever. But the secondary reason, and the reason I think about the most, is because every single storyline is less a story and more a Star Trek reference.

It's always someone coming back, or an alt universe version of a character being introduced, or picking up on a random episode that I already watched, making the action figures fight instead of anything else. Instead of using fanservice to broaden the appeal, the only appeal is the fanservice; there is very little to Star Trek Online that isn't just the equivalent of going to Star Trek Land and looking at the Harry Kim bust again.

I keep looking at Burnham, a character I have come to like in spite of her place in the franchise, in spite of the fact that her entire conception was made to connect her to Spock, and to Sarek, and to Pike, and to all these characters I already know, in spite of the shortcomings of her original character arc -- I look at her and I see a character who has built her own path after being allowed to exist separate from the others, after being given the same chance everyone else was to be more than a Star Trek reference, and then she just knows to go to the planet of the Booby Trap aliens because that's Star Trek, we're going on the ride.

I'm so sick of going on the same rides. Specifically, I'm sick of going on rides after they just proved that they can do something different, that doesn't need Star Trek references to exist. Please I am begging you stop showing me Picard's face, I get it, I like TNG too. But I tuned in to watch Discovery. I am not into this brand because I am into the brand, I am into this brand because it's fucking good, stop acting like I'm here for nostalgia's sake.

"Hey, what about Lower Decks? You love that show!" eh Lower Decks can do it, don't worry about it.

[thesparklingwriter]

don't dwell on the past

'"Please forgive me," he says, kissing your hand lightly.'

tags: pet names, Zhongli is very pure, soft Zhongli, fem!reader, Zhongli and reader are in a relationship, reader and Zhongli fall out, reader tries to sleep on the couch, someone remind me to come back and edit this

masterlist | ao3 link | taglist | next

please do not repost or edit my work. reblogs are greatly appreciated !

i'm also taking ideas for the rest of the flufftober days, feel free to leave any suggestions in my asks, no matter how self-indulgent they may be!

You and Zhongli rarely fall out. To be more exact, you rarely fall out over anything serious. And even when you do, screaming matches and insults are never thrown about, and today is no exception. The problem is that sometimes, quiet, rational words don't do enough to show how you feel, and you wish you could have a good old scream at a wall, just to get rid of the tension. You love Zhongli, you truly do. But he can be really out of touch with you sometimes.

"I really don't like it when you intervene when I'm fighting." you say to him, after a silent journey home. You prefer discussing things at home than out where everyone can hear you. It's probably why you like living in the mountains so much.

"I know.” Zhongli sighs. He'd moved by instinct, driven by his desire to keep you safe. He has to manually override the urges he's gotten used to condoning as an archon, and he tries his best for your sake. Either way, he doesn't want you to think he's making excuses for himself, so he tries to word things carefully. "I should have made more of an effort to respect your wishes."

You nod. "Sometimes it makes me feel like you don't think I'm capable."

"I don't think that. Not at all. I like protecting you because I know it's a luxury, and it’s something you’re more than capable of doing yourself. But I understand." Zhongli says softly. You nod, thankful for his ever-reasonable response, and scold yourself for getting so frustrated. He was only trying to keep you safe, but it felt like he was undermining years of your experience. "I shall think of a compromise so this doesn't happen again."

Zhongli always gets formal when it comes to disagreements. He's driven towards an end solution, to the point when you sometimes have to tell him that you want to feel a little bit sad. Bottling up the emotions doesn't make you feel all too great, especially when it's because you feel unreasonable. "Can we talk about that tomorrow, please?"

He looks at you, sensing that today is one of those days when you want to be upset for a little while. He nods. He'll oblige you for a while longer, but he won't let you go to sleep angry at him. Just as you never let him sleep angry at you. He wonders whether you know you do it, how you always make sure he's okay after an argument, or whether it's a habit burned into your sheer being. He doesn't care. He loves it anyway.

But he also senses that this has been brewing for a little while. There was two weeks ago, when a Fatui skirmisher was about to hit your blind spot and he shielded you. Your complaint on that front was quick surface level—you admitted that you forgot to cover your blind spot. And then there was the week after that when you were in a domain, and he panicked yet again, generating a pillar directly in your line of sight. You'd taken a while to calm down from that one. And finally today. You were going to go out on your own for some practice, but Zhongli couldn't bear the thought of you getting injured, especially against Sumerian enemies you had no experience with. He promised he would only intervene when you told him to, but once again, he panicked and petrified all the enemies in a mile radius.

You understand that he's protective of you, but archons, he can be a little suffocating sometimes.

"I'm going to clean up and get changed," you say to him. You know he'll hover downstairs for a little while and give you your space before joining you in bed. But today, you don't want to be so easily swayed. Maybe a night on the couch is in order.

You grab a light cover from the closet and make your way downstairs. You meet Zhongli halfway, who's in his archon form. You frown to yourself. Zhongli's archon form finds itself displayed to you on various occasions, some of them as domestic as wanting to change a lightbulb, but there are times when it has significance. Like him wanting to release himself of some tension. Is he beating himself up over this that badly?

"Where are you going?" He asks, eyes laced with confusion.

"I think I'm going to stay on the couch tonight. I'm going to think about some things."

Zhongli doesn't seem entirely pleased with that, but he doesn't dare tell you otherwise. He has to give you your space, he reminds himself.

"Alright," he says softly. "Sleep well." He omits the 'love' he usually adds at the end, for fear of making you feel obliged to follow him up the stairs. Your feelings are always his priority. He knew what he was getting into with you, and he refuses for his ignorance or inability to control his own instinct to ruin things.

"You too."

He goes into the room you share before deciding that, if you're not joining him, he'd rather not be painfully reminded of your absence, so he changes course and heads to a spare room with his change of clothes. Usually, he talks to you as you wash your face, or you braid his hair for him before you get too tired, but there are no such intimacies happening today. You've been upset with him for a grand total of three hours and he already misses you.

He quiets his thoughts and crawls into bed. Bad call. The bed in this room wasn't chosen with his eight-foot-tall form in mind. He'll either have to shift back and deal with the repercussions or spend the entire night with half of his body hanging off the bed.

You can't sleep either. You never realised how much you relied on Zhongli's calming effect on you to sleep so peacefully. It's almost embarrassing how much you rely on him, even after a year of being together, to the point when you miss him when he's in a room away from you. You decide that if Zhongli doesn't come downstairs in the next ten minutes, you'll go to him. There's really no point in dragging this on any further. Your need to be a little bit sad has blossomed into feelings of loneliness, and you can't take the extra pain.

"yn?" You sit up, glancing at the staircase. There stands Zhongli, his hair untied, his pyjamas rumpled as if he'd been tossing and turning all night. "May I talk to you?"

Always so formal, you think, before standing up and approaching him.

"I know I'm often overbearing when it comes to your safety," he says softly, taking your hands in his. “And I know it can be frustrating for you. But I promise I will do whatever it takes to restrain myself from inciting this sort of complaint from you again.”

You should be focusing on his words, but you're more distracted by the fact he's on his knees before you, looking up at you with such an earnest gaze.

"Please forgive me," he says, kissing your hand lightly. You slide your hands out of his, and into the hair between his horns. He smiles blissfully, glancing at you through relief-filled eyes. “I can’t bear to spend the night without you by my side.”

"I can't stay mad at you," you sigh. "You're forgiven. You can get off your knees now."

Zhongli chuckles, standing up and pulling you into a hug. "I have a feeling you're trying to hide how much pleasure you found in that."

You roll your eyes and lead him upstairs by his hand. "I'm not hiding anything."

"Fine then, remind me of what I said." Zhongli crosses his arms, and you ignore him, sitting him down on the bed so you can reach his hair. He thinks your ritual of braiding his hair is for his sake, but in reality, if you don't do it, you end up with half of it in your mouth in the night.

"No need to dwell on the past," you quip, leaning down to kiss his neck softly. "All is forgiven, remember?"

a/n there's a whole section that got removed between reader being upstairs and coming back down, I'll fix it at someone point but i blame ao3

[nifaswriting]

hello hello!! i just found your blog recently but i already adore your writing! the "love is" series is definitely one of my faves <33 could i ask for a scenario or headcanons for law with a m!s/o who's just as touch starved as he is? (law definitely tries to hide that about himself though-) ty and have a nice day!! ;w;/

Hello dearest ! I apologize for the delay, I got extremely busy && life is being so stressful recently, I just didn't have the time && motivation to write before now, but your little ask made me so happy && I always love writing for Law, he's one of my favorites ! ♡ Thank you so much for your kind words !

I made you some headcanons && a little thing at the end, I hope you'll like it ! Please, enjoy && have a wonderful day yourself ! ♡

Law with a touch starved m!s/o :

These two are unbelievable, really, and Law almost completely denying that he is touch starved just leaves everyone like

"Captain, are you serious ?"

The crew can't with them anymore : the longing silent stares they exchange all the time && the way their fingers brush sometimes are getting too much to handle to the point they all rather leave them alone

Law has a hard time being overly affectionate in front of others anyway, even though he'd love to

He just can't ! mostly because, be real, he has a reputation to keep and a very long broom up his ass

But once they're alone, oh my lord

He is unable to detach himself from his boyfriend, even for a short minute, he wants all the affection he has to give

Of course, he's finding all the right excuses to avoid any suspicion

"I'm just tired && you're comfortable." when he lies on him or "I'm cold && you're oddly warm." when he keeps the other man close at night

He's horrible with expressing how he feels, but good thing he's easier to read than it seems

Oh, I'm talking about Law, but his dear lover is no better !

I was talking about fingers brushing, well he's more than likely the one initiating them

Sometimes, they're sitting next to each other && their hands are close && his lover hesitates for a mere second before just

Going for it because he really really wants to hold Law's hand && he can’t stop himself

Law usually flinches slightly when their skins touch before relaxing && sometimes he even is the one intertwining their fingers ♡

"FOR ROGER'S SAKE, JUST KISS ALREADY" -> Me, Penguin, Shachi, && all the Heart Pirates

Speaking about kisses... They last forever with these two, really

One of them just starts kissing the other && it’s over for the next forty minutes, even longer sometimes

Just... very long kissing && make out sessions...

They just both want it so bad, they can’t stop ♡

Late night. the time when all secrets unveiled along with the deepest, strongest && most burning desires. And love... There in the darkness, chest to chest, heart to heart, mouths running against one another, soft, gentle. It’s only a mere touch, then suddenly it deepens, gets passionate before becoming a delicate brush again. That’s just how it has been for the past twenty minutes, and none of them seem to get bored of it. They could go for hours, days, spend entire evenings in each other’s arms, kissing, cuddling. So simple yet it means so much to them. The clearest solution to all that missed affection. “Law...” it’s only a whisper of the surgeon’s name between two breaths taken, enough to send shivers down his spine. “(Name).” is replied with the same intensity, the same loving voice. “Are you alright ?” There’s a smile brightening the other male’s face. Whoever said Trafalgar Law wasn’t a good guy probably never tried to know him all that well. Because, as subtle as it is, the so called Surgeon of Death appears to be the most caring person (Name) has ever known in his entire life. Who would have known ? “I’m good.” he responds, humming as his lips linger against Law’s cheek. “I love you.” Said cheek gets tinted with the softest pink hue at that. Hopefully, the darkness is shielding Law’s embarrasment, though it wouldn’t be too much of a problem if it was to be revealed. Not when he’s with him. “I love you too.” Everything just feels right.

[ecargmura]

Paradox Live The Animation Episode 12 Review + Final Thoughts - Rap Is The Solution

I respect anyone who likes this episode and how it went out. There are things that I liked about it too, but I mainly found it cringe. I’m sorry! This was the silliest thing I’ve seen to the point that it got me covering my face in second hand embarrassment!

Like the premise for rescuing Kanata from the corrosion was so ridiculous. I thought it would be like what happened with Hajun, but it was so much different. What did they do? RAP IN FRONT OF HIM! Kanata is sad and depressed? Yeah, rapping in front of him to get him out of his funk is a GREAT IDEA, Allen. Gosh, from someone who was witnessing this from an omniscient perspective, they all looked so silly doing this. I know that it works for the sake of story and a feel-good moment, but the way that whole scene was executed was just so funny. Yeah, we have these teens, young adults and adults rapping in front of a distressed 19-year-old pretty boy in hopes that he feels better and moves on from Nayuta’s death. Heck, it’s only when Shiki starts talking to him that Kanata gets a reaction; despite that, why does Allen get all the credit? I mean, I like the Allen and Kanata ship, but it did seem unwarranted. Okay, I do admit that the rap was good despite how cheesy it was.

Mr. Scientist man just seemed like the typical hammy villain seeking world domination and other such bilge. He has been manipulating everything so that he can get a big reaction from phantometals. To be honest, he was such a generic villain that it felt like a waste for him to be voiced by Akira Ishida—he doesn’t even have a name! My favorite part is when Mr. Ramen man punches the daylights out of him. For the dude that’s been built up to be the true villain, he went out like that. Disappointing.

Speaking of Mr. Ramen man, he turns out to be the real Shura from BURAIKAN. Ha, I got it right. He is the true hero of this ordeal, not Allen. Shura confronts Mr. Scientist Guy and takes back Yasha’s phantometal. It was nice having confirmation and him helping out from behind the scenes, but how Yasha died was never fully seen or explained. He just died; how am I supposed to form an emotional connection with this fictional character if all I know about him is that he’s dead? Though, it was a bit silly that Iori reveals to his little brothers that Raimentei’s owner being Shura was so…out of place? But hey, at least someone knows.

I’m glad that everyone gets a happy ending. Akan Yatsura go about their lives as family. TCW keeps their bar and their family together. BAE continues making music. Best of all, Kanata is finally reunited with Nayuta, who is revealed to be alive. So, the Nayuta with long hair at the ending scene in Episode 7 was the real Nayuta. I’m so happy for you, Kanata! You get your brother back and he definitely needs a haircut.

I guess my only true gripe with this episode, excluding the cringe execution of the rap segment, was that BAE took most of the spotlight in terms of heroics? Like, I get that Allen and Kanata have a special connection, but that was mainly shown in the early episodes and in Episode 10, but like the adults, specifically Iori had more knowledge of phantometals, yet he was just a sitting duck. On top of that, the other members of BAE didn’t really contribute much; it was all Allen. Yes, I know he’s the central MC, thanks for reminding me.

Overall, I do think this was a good way to conclude the show. Though, I do wonder if the audiences’ memories about the whole fiasco got wiped. Club Paradox magically disappearing is going to be news for a while too. While this wasn’t the best anime I’ve watched, it did get me curious in wanting to listen to the audio dramas. A frequent commenter on my blog always mentions about things that are and aren’t in the tracks. I can’t thank them enough. It’s because of them that I am going to try and listen to the tracks sometime soon. What are your thoughts on the finale?

Final Thoughts

My knowledge of Paradox Live was very limited in that my only true exposure to it was listening to Jumping Into My World by Lollipop Universe; since I love that song, I gave Pararai a try and I did enjoy the characters! I just think that the anime probably wasn’t the best idea to start, but at least it helped me understand the characters. I really like the characters!

My favorite character is Kanata, but I do love the others a lot too! I feel like I cannot hate any of them because they’re all so unique and well-designed (okay, the only character I dislike is Mr. Scientist guy, but he’s an anime original so he doesn’t count). It sucks that the anime ended because I wanted to see more cute people doing cute things (I said people because Anne is non-binary). I think the best part about the characters is that they really did try a lot of new things when it came to the types and not make them caricatures. For example, Anne is non-binary, but their identity is never used as a joke. Hajun is Korean, but he is never looked down upon for his ethnicity. Ryu has amnesia, but they don’t go the generic trope of him recovering his memories and have him change his entire identity. Hokusai is 24 years old, but he goes to high school part time at his age and it’s never really frowned upon because the man is still getting an education at the end of the day. I really like how the writers are progressive with these characters and that’s what makes this type of show so unique.

The voice actors were great. They chose a good bunch that’s a mix of big names, rising stars and actual utaites (Internet singers). I think each voice actor did a splendid job in bringing out the characters and the raps. I am definitely anticipating all of their next projects as I am confident they will bring out their A-games.

The songs were so good! Ever since I’ve been exposed to this anime, Paradox Live songs have been my workout songs! They’re all so fun to listen to and they’re all so distinct. I’ve been having a kick listening to AKYR’s Bad Boyz. I feel like there is no bad song; sure, there could be weak songs, but nothing too bad that it’s drivel.

Would I recommend this anime? I’m not too sure. I’ve seen mixed reactions from actual Paradox Live fans regarding it. I guess it could be a recommendation for music lovers, mainly hip-hop. Would I watch it again? If I have to suffer through that cringefest again, then no. Like I said before, I will be giving the tracks a listen. What are your thoughts on the anime as a whole?

[mrsjavierp]

Where you belong?

Chapter 2 - Wasted Times

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing, bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader. The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Javi's 3rd)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: thanks so much for all your love and curiosity, I've got 4 chapters written by now, I don't know how many will be nor the ending yet.

To make it fun, lets add a song to it:

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

The weeks flew by without me even noticing: Between an apartment to find furniture, trying to catch up all that they did about Escobar before I arrived, a routine seemed impossible.

Rights and wrongs, new problems and struggling to find solutions.

And, of course, Javier Peña was fulfilling his bad fame towards bosses.

Sometimes, his name tasted like whiskey in my mouth: bitter.

Peña was, in fact, an intelligent agent... But oftentimes got blindsided by his arrogance or for being a pretentious jerk.

Sometimes, his own dick betrayed him.

"Oh, for fuck sakes, Peña! You still don't get it, do you? No, we're not sacrificing a squad like this! We need to be more reasonable! Enough with wasting DEA's resources!"

He made a noise, frustrated.

"Y/LN, things here were always like this. It's not..."

My mocking laugh interrupted him:

"¡Díos mio, Peña! (My God, Peña!) And it worked perfectly, right? And they brought me from hell just to see how beautiful Colombia is? 'Cause this stupid and dated strategy is working... No, we're doing it my way."

Murphy tried to interfere:

"Y/LN, with all due respect..."

My fist hit my table, really fucking angry. They were not expecting this kind of attitude from their "girl boss".

"¡Callarse las bocas! (Shut up!) ENOUGH!" - I screamed. - "If you want to get yourselves killed, be my guest, however, leave my office and this position! I'm not authorizing, not like that. I want to get Escobar as badly as you, but I'm not risking anything. Yes, he's a hijo de puta and would love to shoot his head, but if we do it right, we can make him pay... But with the extradition. I'm not arresting and leaving him here."

Peña left my office, probably seeing red. Murphy took a breath and went right behind.

It was Friday, for fuck's sake. I decided to dismiss all of them earlier. I needed to rest as well.

While everyone was talking their ways, Murphy knocked on the door again:

"Jefe, let's blow-off some of this and get a drink, we all could use." - pointing out Peña as well.

Peña rolled his brown eyes to Steve.

"Gracias, Steve. I'll join you. You better call Connie, she'll be the lightness that we need... No talk about work, dios mio."

Murphy smiled and called to her, to come meet us at the bar.

"You're coming, Peña?" - I invited him, as I got my belongings.

"No, jefe."

"Peña, don't take it personally. Doesn't have to be like this. Let's go get drunk, first one is on me."

He took a deep breath and came with me and Steve.

*

"Mi amor, cuatro tequilas, por favor." (My love, four tequilas, please) - I ordered to the barman, wearing my most charming smile available.

It worked out fine, actually, they came and kept coming as we wished.

Reggaeton with this sensual and smooth rhythm was being played at the sound box, yet, no one was dancing.

Not now, at least.

"Wow, nice, jefe. I think the barman is not leaving... Not without you!" - Murphy and Connie laughed and Javier turned his face, not looking at us.

"That boy is not my type anyway, mi amigo, thanks for the compliment... Well, got us drinks, so served its purpose." - I laughed, trying not to think about going home alone.

"The way you speak Spanish is so natural, so beautiful, Y/N... Are you also a latin, like Javi?" - Connie asked.

"Yes, I'm of Latin origin, but I was born in NYC... My family is pretty much a stereotype of big and latin..." - I looked at Javier, who seemed so far away. - "Javier, I assumed you were indeed, but I hate to be wrong. Nice to have a Latin fellow here."

"I'm Tex-Mex, jefe." - he said, without any emotion in his voice.

*

As the night passed by us, tequila took us far from problems at the DEA. Actually, tequila made us laugh, even made me dance with Connie.

Javier remained quiet and distant. Something felt off about him.

My body was sweating, my skin felt hot. I knew that feeling: I was reaching my alcohol consumption limit.

Truth be told, dancing was the red flag for me.

Whenever I wanted to escape something on my mind, I went out dancing and drinking. Ever since college, ever since I started my career at NYPD, I'd love to escape like this.

I excused myself and went to the restroom, to check the way I looked: not that bad, as a matter of fact, my black dress and heels were okay, my hair a little messy, my red lipstick were lighter than it should be, so I just made a retouch.

When I came back to your table, Murphy was gone, slow dancing with Connie in his arms, Javier was distracted, still very far from us.

I took my seat, across from him.

To crack up a conversation, I started:

"They're so much in love, aren't they? It's genuinely beautiful to see them, when we're used to so much violence..."

"I've got to agree, jefe... I wish I could have that kind of sentiment, to truly feel that..." - He added, appearing bitter.

Honestly, I was bitter myself and agreed:

"Me too, Peña... Me too."

At that moment, we shared this... Look, a bit longer than anything appropriate.

"Why do you hate me, Y/N?"

I laughed, I didn't hate him. He got all wrong, thank God. My cue to go, or else.

"Good night, Peña."

Drunk and horny, I drove back to my place and went to bed, alone.

*

Narrator's POV:

The last thing he heard from her was a lame "Good night, Peña."

He drank up until the last drop of his whiskey.

Javi closed his eyes, wishing her.

No, craving.

Javier paid his part of the check and left it to one of his... Girl who wasn't his friend.

"I'm not fucking my fist, not tonight." - it was a promise to himself.

*

About 9 A.M., Javier entered the hall of the apartment complex he lived in.

Not entirely sober, his movements were slow, as he made an effort to find his door, when light, calm steps walked towards the path he passed by just a moment ago.

His head was hurting, his last night clothes smelled like sweat, sex, cigarettes and alcohol.

Took a little while until Javier recognized the beautiful woman wearing a tight gray gym set...

"This can't be happening... You've got to be kidding me..." - Javier grumbled to himself.

She was even hotter wearing those shorts and crop top.

"Peña? What the fuck are you doing here?" - she asked.

"I live in here, Y/LN... Buenos días, vecina." - Javier pulled out his keys, shaking them, wishing to be wrong about Y/N being his neighbor.

"Holyfuck..." - she cursed. - "I thought I would have some peace at home..." - and as she came, she left quickly and slammed the door to the streets.

Peña, with all the strength on his whole body, entered his place and put his body under cold water, ignoring his hard dick.

Well, how could he ignore it?

The cold shower gave what felt like shocks to his skin. It almost hurts, but he couldn't leave like this, so he fucked his fist one more time, as if he haven't been fucking some chick for hours, until dawn.

His handjob was different this time, if so, even worse than any other, his fantasy was so much closer.

Because, now, he knows...

She lives right there.

Just a few steps...

He still felt hated, however, by someone he would and could make hard.

Her words made an eco into his mind:

"Good night, Peña."

"Mi amor, cuatro tequilas por favor."

"Peña..."

Javier Jesus Peña only prays for two things, now:

That he could see his son before he died.

That his fantasies towards Y/N passed as fast as it came. His guilt and inability to do some or anything were almost killing him.

His load blew on him, while he moaned Y/N.

"Death by hard on" - he made a joke, feeling as dirty as when he walked home.

Next

[beastlybardou]

Honestly I’m not even a zoo (or even specifically have one of the ‘big three’ paraphilias), but the anti-paraphilia sentiment in alterhuman spaces unnerves me. I follow you mainly for potential #erokin updates (since you reblog things) and also the sentiment you have towards anti-contact non-offending paraphiliacs feels like the bare minimum when it comes to being anti-harassment (with being against thoughtcrimes)

(I agree with you but idk. one reason why I started doing research into paraphilias and looking into pro-para spaces was from an abolitionist perspective, where the criminal justice system in many places does not help rehabilitate people & from the belief that ex-offenders should be able to work on improving their life, ‘hard justice’ does not seem like the best solution - but at the same time I unfortunately don’t know of a better one)

The anti-para mindset in this community frankly bothers me too - especially with how out of place it feels given that the majority of us understand that say, a werewolf therian might view humans as a prey animal, but everyone understands that doesn't mean they're gonna start killing and eating people in real life. From my experience at least, its the same with my own paraphilias. Sure I want to do the thing sometimes but I understand that it's wrong and harmful so I just don't. Just like as a wolf I want to bite people that get in my space but I don't.

I truly believe everyone can at least achieve the bare minimum of being polite to and existing around anti-contact paraphiles. If you like me and my blog then you've already been doing that, easy right? We're not raging monsters, I promise. We're regular people.

As for the "hard justice" comment, you're absolutely right and I went back and edited that statement on my post when I read this. I was letting the emotions from my personal encounters with some offending paraphiles bleed through there and I shouldn't have. Everyone deserves a chance at rehabilitation, its only those that refuse it and intend to continue committing no matter what or see nothing wrong with their actions that I would like some kind of justice enacted on.

Please note that for simplicity's sake throughout this post when I am referring to paraphiles I am talking about ones with urges that cannot ethically be acted upon. Some paraphilias do not involve a non-consenting party and therefore with proper communication and knowledge are safe.

[pangolinheart]

Well since you’ve given me a chance to ramble about my boy, you got any little quirks or story things that you want to talk about for Rhiki? I saw some drk stuff, so maybe like how does she handle that whole plot?

Whooo boy I would LOVE to talk about the DRK quests. I apologize if this runs long i will try to contain myself. Behind the scenes, I actually started playing the DRK quests at a recommendation from a friend. Towards the end of HW I had maxed out my DRG levels (before the cap was raised to 90) and didn't want to waste msq exp. I had been telling a friend of mine all of my thoughts about the plot and my character, and in her infinite wisdom she said "Oooo you should unlock DRK I think you'd like it." And she was RIGHT.

I know that "canonically" the first set of DRK quests is set before the start of HW, but for Rhiki as a character I have them set in my head as taking place after HW-proper, proceeding and bleeding into the post-patches. The level 30-50 questline really tapped into a lot of things Rhiki had been feeling since the ARR post-patches. Around the time of Moenbryda's death, Rhiki started to get the feeling that her "friends" in the Scions didn't really know her at all. (Specifically, Minfilia has a line that goes something along the lines of "You're so strong. I can always lean on you for support" which, for the way i had imagined Rhiki as a character, was laughably inaccurate.) It felt to Rhiki like everyone, including the other Scions, looked at her and, rather than seeing her as she was, projected their vision of the perfect hero, the hero they needed onto her. It got her wondering: if she wasn't the Warrior of Light would they even like her at all? At the same time, being treated like the solution to all of Eorzea's problems put a lot of pressure on her. People treated her like a hero, but she didn't feel like a hero - she didn't see herself as any stronger, or smarter, or kinder than anybody else. She definitely didn't think she was qualified to weigh in on complex geopolitical issues like the refugee crisis in Ul'dah or international relations with Ishgard. But she didn't want to let people down (and she didn't want them to be disappointed in her) so she just kind of talked herself into a "Fake-It-til-you-Make-it" attitude. But, even though she never acknowledged it, t little bit of resentment started to creep in. Why does she have to be the one who's strong for everyone else's sake? Who is she supposed to lean on when everything goes wrong?

She kind of held it together until Haurchefant died. Haurchefant had been just about her favorite person for a while by that point, and the two of them were close (they were probably in love but neither of them ever said it in so many words). So his death absolutely gutted Rhiki. She let shock (and a shiny, brand new thirst for revenge) carry her through the the chase to Azys Lla and the final confrontation with the Archbishop, but after that, when the battle was already won and there was nothing left to do, she kind of fell apart. She really struggled with grief and regret, but also with anger. Rhiki had never really hated anyone before - she'd disliked people, been annoyed with people, but never truly hated them. But oh boy she hated Zephirin and the Archbishop enough to make up for all the years of hate she'd missed out on. And the hate and anger didn't go away once they were both dead - they lingered in her even aft there was no one left to be angry at. She had never thought she was capable of those kind of violent, ugly feelings, and it scared her.

That was the backdrop when she found Fray's body (in my head, she spent a lot of time holed up in her room, but would sometimes sneak out at night so she could get some fresh air without having to worry about running into anyone she knew, which was when she heard about the trial). At first, she was totally on-board with what "Fray" taught her - at least this way she could channel all of those terrible emotions into something good. But the more time they spent together, and the more disparaging "Fray" became of her desire to help others, the more she started to think that, hey, maybe this person might possibly be a little unhinged. But, everyone's got their stuff, and in-for-a-penny and all that, so she stuck with it. The confrontation at Whitebrim was REALLY good for Rhiki. Somehow, seeing herself as another person who was hurting, made it much easier to treat herself with the same kindness she would treat someone else. While the negative feelings didn't go away after reconciling with Esteem, she learned to recognize and accept them rather than trying to bury them inside herself.

When she first met Sid, she thought he was kind of a tool. (He was.) But he DID remind her of a certain other tall, dark tool-ish friend she had recently failed to protect from being possessed by a dragon, which endeared him to her a little and made her more willing to hear him out. Then she met Rielle and decided she couldn't not help. While trying to find a way to keep Rielle safe, Sid and Rhiki bickered A LOT, about things like the merits of mercy, but also about how he treated Rielle. She definitely tried to keep Rielle's spirits up and treat her with as much warmth and kindness as she could, though neither of them were really qualified to be in charge of a 12-year-old, so how much good it did is debatable. (Also, she was a little worried that Sid might start rubbing off on Rielle, so she kind of tried to temper his influence when she thought he couldn't hear them. "Listen, I know Sid says a lot of stuff about forgiveness being a weakness and the world being terrible, but you've gotta understand he's working through some personal issues and he's projecting.")

Their encounter with the moogles put into words something Rhiki had been thinking about but couldn't find a way to express: that the root of most pain and anger is love. Love for a person, love for a homeland, love for an ideal, love for the person you were or could have been. When something we love is taken from us that love has nowhere to go, and it twists and grows into sorrow and anger. But it's important to keep sight of the love at the center of all of those feelings, so as not to be consumed by them. Being able to hear that sentiment out loud was something Rhiki really benefitted from. (She did feel pretty bad about what happened with Rielle's mom, and got into a bit of a tiff with Sid about it. She knew it was probably what had to happen, and it was Rielle's choice to make, but... "Did you have to behead the woman right in front of her? What is WRONG with you?!You couldn't have waited for us to, like, turn around, or walk twenty feet away or something?!") Anyway this is already super long so I'll cut it off here and not go into the Stormblood quests (though I'm always happy to give my feelings on those too!) As a side note: if you haven't already, I highly recommend reading the Journal entries for the Stormblood DRK quests. They're good stuff. Anyway, thank you for the ask and, if by some miracle you made it to the bottom of this post, I'm sorry for how long it was!

[aarcanechaoss]

Do you think Dazai was ever abused by Mori in the Mafia ?

Can you do a fic where it's revealed he was.

Honestly never though about it but I don’t think he ever physically hurt him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did some underhanded mental gymnastics on him though.

Now I’ll be honest even though I’ve been busy I’ve tried to still get ideas for my requests but honestly I got no fic ideas for this one so instead please accept bullet point form

So I’m just gonna add I don’t see Mori this terribly I just think he’s creepy but for the sake of this thing we all hate him

Warnings: abuse

Dazai just kinda mentioned it offhandedly when talking (and doing a very bad job at it) Atsushi through a panic attack because something happened and Atsushi had a flashback

Mori would force him to do almost anything, from murder to doing Mori’s paperwork when he couldn’t be bothered. He’d call him useless, tell him there was no such times in a world for colour and glee

Only ever hit him once, after that it was other people who did

But in the end… someone had to make Dazai believe death was his only solution to living

Unfortunately for Dazai pretty much everyone in the ADA heard him say it

Kunikida immediately softens his yelling- still very much getting mad when Dazai doesn’t do his work but now he kind of gets why. Now he just asks him to have it done on time and gives him a days leeway

Yosano was desperate to go over her medical notes, the records of scars and old wounds she’d thought were a cause of his suicidal behaviour but perhaps not

Ranpo shared a couple snacks, ones he (and he says this painfully) could do with out. He won’t treat him any differently his is his own person after all

Atsushi even amongst a panic attack did in fact hear him and decided that the next time he prayed for any god Damned reason he would pray for Mori’s downfall

Kyoka honestly may have already known considering her own life with the Mafia, Dazai may have been aloof about it and not cared in the slightest (or seemingly) but she knew it wasn’t the easiest thing to just admit

The Tanizaki’s became more wary around him. They didn’t treat him any different but sometimes people just don’t know how to comprehend others trauma- sometimes they can’t understand it so they distance themselves until they can which is what they do

But honestly Dazai didn’t notice

Kenji was probably the most forward about his thoughts on it and asked Dazai if he could kill Mori

Dazai unfortunately said no … which leads to Fukuzawa

Fukuzawa was the absolute last person to find out. Why? Because he would have rioted and I feel that if he wanted to he could absolutely fuck up anyone while he’s on a war path. Good luck living through that Mori

He only found out because of the Dazai Kenji conversation in regards to murdering the leader of the Port Mafia

Overall no one really changed how the treated Dazai but there was a whole new level of anger whenever they were around the Mafia now

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hey, I really like your blog, thank you so much for your hard work!! I need help with my type, I want your opinion. I want to know my type so I can learn more about myself and really understand me in a deeper way. I suspect I’m ENFJ or INFJ or ENFP or INTJ. I know for sure I’m N.

I apologize in advance for the length of this message. I hope you don’t repeat yourself in your responses. I tried to search for this in your blog but I never really understood the functions very well, I guess it’s my fault because all of this is hard sometimes, trying to type myself I mean.

Important data: I suffered from depression and severe verbal bullying for years, and consequential self-loathing, I had therapy and still have but I’m way better now. I can say I’m healed so my functions developed in some way or another and this might be a clue to finding them in specific. My parents are very Se-Ti (I think, I’m 97% sure of it) and I’m an only child who was very influenced by them in the past.

I will explore each function below.

ENFP:

Ne – I constantly make up stories inside my head, I like writing novels (although I don’t write as much as I imagine it), I like learning new subjects that are outside of my reality, example: history, psychology, philosophy, learning Chinese language and Chinese history when I’m European, I also explore world religions even if I don’t adhere to it, I like learning just for the sake of learning. I want to explore the world, going everywhere and I am curious about how to change the world for the better, I prefer thinking about world-size issues like politics than every-day struggles like taxes. – this is constantly throughout my whole life.

Fi – I presume this function is about honoring our emotions and feelings. I am much better now that I learned that I need to put myself first before everyone else so I can really help them and also to make sure they don’t abuse my generosity. – I learned this lesson after a very bad experience (a year ago) when people disrespected me because I also didn’t respect myself because of bullying but I finally learned that I need to do want I like beforehand.

Te – I want authority to like me and to realize I’m special, that I’m responsible and that I follow the rules (even though I don't always like rule), basically I want to be the good student. At school I wanted the teacher to like me and to say I was his/her better student even thought I wasn’t A+ but B- but this only happened at the teacher no one liked (if they were good teachers).

I also like when older people give me reason, example my parents, teachers, boss, older people in general – I want to be seen as organized and polished and responsible. I also like to make my opinions after gathering data because I want arguments to back-up my argument, I don’t feel comfortable just having an opinion or a decision without someone giving me reason. I want to be a leader (even though the consequences of it can scare me), I do want to me remembered forever for doing something no one else has done for the benefit of humanity.

I also get very angry when I give my friend the solution to her problem and she still keeps talking about it when I already gave her my advice, it’s very annoying, it's like these people prefer just having problems and complain rather than solve it as much as you can and move on. But this is just with some friends. I also have another friend which annoys me a lot because she doesn’t obey me (my advices for her own good) – it can also make me feel as if my opinion is irrelevant but this is way less common nowadays (because I don’t speak to her everyday), she’s very stubborn and that annoys me so much.

I hate when people tell me what to do but I love telling people want to do lol. – this is constantly throughout my whole life. HOWEVER wanting to me tuff all the time is tiring, I used to not want to cry and to feel things (society told me I should always "suck it up" and not feeling anything sad and we all know that's not healthy). I know now I need to cry if the body wants it, if I feel sad but I always cry in private. I try to never put myself in public vulnerable positions.

Si – this is not inf in my opinion because I am responsible, I take valuable lessons from my past and I don’t like taking as much risks as Ne-doms use to (this is constantly throughout my whole life). I do like doing new things, I have that hunger more now that I’m more independent now (I have a job and a car) so I can go anywhere I do the things I want to do but I don’t think everything that has over years of experience should be put to death. I do like some old approaches once in a while and I do value security. // however, when I was in depression I just got scared about the world and the people around me, I didn’t leave my house and I thought that no matter what happened I never had hope for getting something good out of anything. I was very victim-mentality at the time even though I wasn’t complaining out loud, it was more from me to me.

INFJ:

Ni – same as Ne – I like planning (sometimes), I want to do something with my life that people will remember me decades after I’m gone and I do want to make the world a better place.

Fe – I tend to put people above me (but not always). When they talk about something that I don’t find amusing, I don’t tell them in their face, I keep smiling because I hate conflict and criticizing someone’s tastes is not correct. I just criticize when they do something wrong (Te/Ti) but because I want to help them, but I only get verbally angry with close people. With people I don’t know very well, I tend to smile and agreeing because I prefer this way. Many things in my life is made for the benefit of others I guess: I want to be seen as pretty, competent, intelligent, skinny, sexy.

I do love making friends and having a good time, just telling whatever comes to my mind when I’m in the flow of fun in a great conversation rather than thinking how saying X or Y will make them betray me. I just like having friends and talking about everything I like with them. My friends have different tastes of mine, I say I don’t like because of X but I’m not sincere, if I was I would say “why do you like that? Why do think like that? That’s dumb!” I don’t do that because it’s not okay.

I also don’t wanna be special (unless I’m better than everyone else) but stuff like “I suffered bullying so I’m more important than you” is never my thing, I just want to be like everyone else in that regard but I do like being better than others, more extroverted, more intelligent, more pretty – it doesn’t always happen but I’m describing my thought pattern. I also know it’s not fair to think like this but I don’t take advantage of it.

Ti – same argument as Te. + I have become more independent lately and I want that. I hate being contrived by anything (telling my parents where I’m going when I’m going out, submitting myself to do things I don’t want to because of society’s pressure’s - example “you have to get married and have kids everyone else is doing” I hate it, the “everyone else is doing so you must too” I hate so much and it’s stupid because I’m not everyone else, I’m a person. I prefer when people follow me and not the other way around, not that I’ve influenced people, I wish I could, I wish I could also manipulate them so they can follow my advice for their own sake for once. (I do know that being manipulative is not a good thing to do).

Se – when I’m bored and nothing much is happening that is new, I tend to “extrapolate” and “do something crazy” which involves buying books or clothes or going to the mall and drink some coffee. I also eat candy a lot more lately because it’s so delicious and I got a severe healthy diet for a year and after Christmas I just got into candy a lot. I guess it’s the most rebel thing I do, lol.

ENFJ:

Fe – same argument as Fe in INFJ

Ni – same argument as Ni in INFJ

Se – same argument as Se in INFJ

Ti – I used to really put myself down to other people. The worst experience I had in my life as when everyone were putting me down, making me feel like shit because of mistakes I’ve made, calling me arrogant and selfish, I got so hurt because I really hate disappointing people and after bullying I still have that scar a little bit, every time I did something and I couldn’t help someone, I was afraid I was hurting the person or disappointing them. // I also thought for years I didn’t reserve to be loved because “everyone hated me at school, so they must be right because they all agree with each other” I thought. I know now that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I deserve to be loved for who I am.

INTJ

Ni – same argument as Ni in INFJ

Te – same argument as Te in INFP

Fi - same argument as Fi in INFP

Se – same argument as Se in INFJ

Function stack information:

I do get loop sometimes, I suspect the 3rd is a T function because I valued competence instead of my desires and it gave me a fake optimism/defense mechanism about myself. I did got so much better after honoring what I want. So I suspect the F is 2nd because the 1st must be N. the order would be N F T S which leaves ENFP and INFJ. What do you think? Did any of this made sense to you?

Also important:

1) I imagine I have a boyfriend for years now but in the past I always thought that it was never going to become reality because I hated myself cuz of bullying (I thought I was stupid and ugly) but now my imaginary boyfriend comforts me when I feel sad and I know he's going to come to me and I know I deserve to be loved by him and that he loves me unconditionally for who I am.

My boyfriend is very sweet and kind to me because of the result that I didn't feel enough love in my childhood - my parents are very action oriented which is fine but I need those words of affirmation and physical touch literally like a baby, I feel so safe in his arms like I am his baby and he pampers me and takes care of me and always says sweet things example "I love you so much my love I'm so proud of you, you are my baby sweet love and I love you so much."

I presume this is Ne or just a defense mechanism because I want a boyfriend now but I don't have it (for now). I do feel an urge to be intimate with him because I feel like life without love is boring, I think a lot about love and how love makes me feel loved and safe.

I avoid watching sensitive scenes in movies like violence and hate because I tend to think about it, I absorb it and I know that's not gonna be good for me, because I get pessimistic and afraid that's going to happen in the future so I'm just going to try to be positive and thinking (or convincing me) that I'm safe by God and everything will be good and happy in my life.

I want my boyfriend to be a specific way (ethnicity) and have a specific personality (affectionate, kind, supportive) because I have my type, everyone has a type - maybe this is Ni?

I used to be obsessed with being in a relationship (even though I still never had one) and I used to had shame for being single since birth but after putting myself first and honoring my beliefs and who I am (and also knowing that it’s just life’s circumstances) I do not care anymore honestly. I also only go to this imaginary boyfriend when I’m sad and I need emotional comfort or when I miss thinking about him because he's such a breath of fresh air to me, no show me results, no suck it up, just a healthy comfort zone where I can be a little baby (not literally) and be loved by him.

2) I do get afraid about death, i think about that a lot, what if there's nothing after death? What if there's no heaven? I tried Buddhism for a year because I wanted to feel part of something bigger than myself and Buddhism really did help me a lot, meditation and mindfulness made me stop thinking about the ruminating thought and made me relax and enjoy the present moment. However Buddhism is very identity-erasure to me (the part of the Non-Self) and doesn't believe in a creator God, which I deeply do inside of my heart. I do understand we can't put our identity in our beauty or money or body because that's not permanent forever but I don't see a problem in loving our personality and body and being proud of becoming who we want to be - high Fi?

3) For the function stack, I do understand if I'm ENFP except I think I'm too risk-averse for being inf Si. I do get the hunger for new things, doing new things and meeting new people, but I also like to recover in private and I do identify more with the introvert descriptions than the extrovert ones but this can be misleading because of my past bullying. I have been a lot better in the past months and I do prefer to recover in private although I am very curious about going out with friends but it's not a big hunger. I have a bigger hunger for buying things I like. Introvert means INFJ or INFP and I think I'm none because

1) inf Se is strange (I do get the urge to do something new when I'm bored usually is eating too much candy or buying books but the whole Beth Harmon-let's-get-crazy never happened to me, never got drunk or lost my responsibilities. The craziest thing I've done was going to bed at 4am after planning novels inside my head and listening to music lol)

2) Inf Te is probably not it because I never put myself above anyone else in a unhealthy way (like unhealthy Fi would), and after my point in Te in ENFP I do think I'm not inf Te because I do value how I'm praised by others in terms of competence).

As you can see I'm very confused. I apologize again the length of this. Thank you so much for your time. Keep up the good work.

I wanted to say something more that I forgot. I'm 25. My parents are pretty sure Te and Si doms (I put it the other way around, my mistake sorry) and they were unhealthy types at the time of my upbringing I'm sure of it: very easily angry and not toughy-feely, they were when I was a baby I presume but after that it was gone. I felt a huge necessity for expressing love in this manner, hence the whole imaginary sweet boyfriend thing I guess.

I hope it's okay to send a 2nd message, I apologize for the inconvenience. There's more text mistakes but I presume it's understandable my point of view. Also I'm not a native-english speaker, so I apologize any English problem. Thank you so much, have a nice day.

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For INTJ, you said "the same as INFP" but that was not one of the types you were comparing, so I'm forced to assume you meant ENFP. Your analysis of ENFJ and INTJ functions shouldn't be the same as the other types. Functions operate very differently in different positions of the stack, therefore, e.g., auxiliary Fe cannot stand in for dominant Fe, and lower Te cannot stand in for higher Te.

If you are ENFP, your negative experiences with depression and bullying have presented serious obstacles to your function development. I don't think you are fully aware of how deeply tertiary loop and inferior grip have infiltrated your mind, attitude, and worldview. Long term problems with loop and grip during childhood and adolescence will impede healthy growth and expression of the dominant function. This may be enough to explain why you are not as confident, adventurous, and impactful as healthier Ne doms.

The instructions for submitting a type assessment require you to respond to every point in the Function Theory Guide. You didn't do this, so your function descriptions aren't detailed enough. If you don't provide exactly the information I asked for, I can't do a thorough type analysis. All I can say is: INTJ is highly unlikely because none of the functions fit. INFJ is doubtful because you don't seem to have any deep grasp of dominant Ni. ENFJ is possible, but I can't do the analysis since you didn't provide the information. ENFP is a better fit than INFJ. Although ENFP is a decent fit, I am unable to draw a firm conclusion because there isn't enough information for me to definitively rule out every other possibility.