#not even toxic just like... i'm challenging their beliefs and they feel that...

[ballblender]

What about Midorima + degrading?

I don't know it just sounds right you don't have to if you don't want <3

oooo see i'm a sub!midorima enjoyer personally 😆 but i definitely understand why people would think he'd enjoy degrading his partner. switch from third to second person!

nsfw 18+ minors dni

It comes with his territory, his "holier than thou" personality that is so explicitly him.

He's come to expect that nobody else watches, must less believes Oha Asa's horoscope readings. That is until he meets his partner. I imagine they'd be more loosely committed to the special item gathering, using it as an excuse to collect cute little trinkets.

-------

Of course, Midorima doesn't realise this at first, the two of you connecting over your shared interests, showing each other your respective horoscope's special item. But then, while you're both sat on the couch, both slightly groggy with sleep, Midorima turns on the TV, Oha Asa the first channel. You sigh, before saying;

"Sometimes this stuff sounds like bullshit."

That slightly infuriates him.

What do you mean you "don't actually take any of this seriously"? This determines the way your day goes! Not just that, but your entire life really, depends on this daily routine. That's what he tries to tell you.

But you just dismiss it. "I'm in control of how things in my life go. Not some TV show that's probably just lying to sell stuff to people, they're just lucky the stuff is cute."

Midorima doesn't invite you around for a couple of days after that conversation. What you said, it makes him...feel afraid. Like everything he's believed in for years can simply just be dumbed down like that.

Every game he's lost, he chalks it up to "not being written in the stars". Everything is up to fate. Even meeting you. So how is he supposed to operate, when everything bad that has happened to him leading up to this moment could've been...changed, if he'd just, ignored the reading. Could he have tried harder and actually made a difference to his basketball career back in highschool, even if Cancers were predicted to have the worst luck? It's the could've's, would've's and should've's that keep him awake.

That's his fear. Lack of control.

The next time you see him, he's hungry. He's never been like this before, eagerly unbuttoning your shirt.

He never instigates.

You give him a soft push, "Are you okay? What's wrong?". He doesn't respond, only silencing your protests with a rough kiss that lands you on your back as he looms over you.

"...You're wrong."

You look, confused? The audacity. How can you lie there looking so innocent, as if you haven't shaken his entire belief system from just one simple conversation. That's what tips him off.

His pace is always gentle and slow, and it doesn't change, even now, when he's angry. Seething. His taped fingers follow the soft lines of your neck, pressing gently, enough to make your eyes widen and water, but not enough to affect your breathing. He'd never make you suffer, that's what he tells himself. Your hand comes up to his wrist to pull him away, but his other hand intercepts, restraining it to the mattress.

"You're pathetic. Even when you're under me, when you can't even speak, you want to argue."

He punctuates his point with a harsh thrust. He's never done that. He refuses to. He swears you're too precious to hurt. So the action sends a wrenching shock through your body. He's your first and only after all. He doesn't expect to enjoy the sight of your screwed up features, or the pained whimper you let out. But he does.

"Shut up. All you do is complain. You can't take what's given, you just challenge...it's maddening."

It's clear to you this isn't just sex talk. He's using this as an outlet for his repressed rage.

And you don't think you hate it...

------------------

lol i've never written nsfw before and you can definitely tell... also i would like it to be known that if anybody treats you like this irl then that's incredibly toxic and you should run! :> and sorry for hornyposting for my first real post in years heh....

[nelliebachesneg]

Jason X Jazz

This entire post is me screaming into the void because I'm writing a fic and I'm having a lot of emotions about it. You have been warned.

I am currently processing some things through the characters of Jason Todd and Jasmine Fenton, and I need to talk about their characters before I break down completely.

Jazz is easy for me to write. Jazz is an Enneagram 5, which I'm pretty sure is my type as well. Jazz ignores her emotions - or at least refuses to identify them - in favor of logic. Truth is ultimately what matters to her. She hoards information in her attempts to find the truth, and no amount of information will be enough until she finds a satisfactory answer.

I see a lot of myself in Jazz.

Mostly good things - and in fact that's the problem. I have a hard time seeing Jazz's flaws as flaws. The orginal show calls her out for being a know-it-all, and a teenager who thinks she's an adult, but as I write this I realize that I never saw that as something that had to be fixed - or at least, not as something that had to be fixed by Jazz herself.

Because of course Jazz felt like she had to be an adult. Her parents were caught up in their own lives, to the point where they left their science experiments on the kitchen table with toddlers running around. Of course when Danny started acting differently, and her parents didn't notice, she blamed it on their inattention. And of course it was specifically Danny's need for attention that mattered; she's got her intellect to carry her through life's challenges, after all. She's the one with perfect test scores, the one who applies herself, the one who understands the importance of a life apart from ghost hunting.

Oh, she's aware of her own need for attention, of course. She'd have to be a fool not to realize that, sometimes, she gets envious of ghosts for how much her parents seem to be obsessed with them. (She's have to be a fool not to realize that, magic or no magic, she shouldn't have fallen so fast for Johnny.) But she can handle it. She can think her way through it. Danny can't; all he has are his…

Friends.

Who are Jazz's friends?

Who does she talk to besides her brother, her parents, and the occasional teacher or classmate for academic purposes?

Where does she vent all that emotional energy besides the occasional concert?

This is where I see Jazz's flaws and mine overlap. This is also something I feel comfortable writing about, because it's something that I have talked about in therapy ad nauseum. I know the answer here is quite literally to lean on the relationships you do have, and if that's not enough, to find new relationships. It takes work and more than a bit of luck, but it is possible for Jazz (and me) to break out of this idea that she always needs to be rational about everything, including herself. I think that's what the show was going for, actually - but equating emotional expression with childishness is… wrong, I think. It reeks of underlying toxic masculinity if nothing else, and considering what I've heard about Butch Hartman, that's not off-base.

And then there's Jason.

Jason fucking Todd.

Who like no other character I have ever seen in fiction, fanfiction, and all the headcanons in between, embodies the Bible verse of Romans 7:19-20:

"For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

Jason is an Enneagram 8. Jason, whether he realizes it or not, is obsessed with control. He wants the world to be good, to be just, and he will go to dramatic lengths to make it so - not unlike Bruce. At the same time, though, he has internalized the belief that he himself is not a good person. He's a just person, maybe - and I would even venture kind - but as much as he tries to do what he thinks is right, Jason Todd does not think of himself as good during or after UtRH. He's sacrificed his sense of empathy, after all, and that made him "the bad one" who "needs to be stopped". (Makes sense, since he's the one that was never good enough anyway.)

So is it any wonder that he struggles to believe in forgiveness? Is it any wonder that he won't allow himself to accept love when it is offered? He doesn't think he deserves it. He thinks that people who have done worse than him deserve it even less. And maybe if he can take them out, in a twisted way it'll make him better. Maybe if he can rid the world of a few monsters, it'll make him less of one.

Jason at his worst is all of my self-loathing, all of my catastrophic thinking, all of my self-delusion, and all of my fear. I've connected his struggle to accept love to my own struggles with sexual content. I've said it before elsewhere, but I think I need to say it again: radical forgiveness and love are the only way forward. The catch is that, by necessity, those things require connections with other people.

And what writing Jason in my fic is asking me to do is to imagine the people I care most about in this world discovering the worst part of me - and forgiving me for it. Helping me with it. Only for them to ultimately fail to fix me, thus making me desperate enough to turn to a stranger who may screw me over worse than anyone ever has.

Suddenly I feel like we've been down this road before.

And while I know that Jazz is someone Jason can trust, Jason doesn't know that, and it's difficult to picture - well, no, actually, it's not hard to picture Jason, after being caught in a moment of Pit Rage, to tell the worst to Jazz in an effort to scare her off. And it's not hard to picture Jazz rationalizing that behavior, and even seeing honor in the honesty of it. It's not hard to picture Jason being confused and suspicious, forced to confront his own assumptions about what's possible and what he deserves out of that possibility. It's not hard to picture Jazz having empathy for those who suddenly receive more than they think they are owed. It's not hard to imagine Jason bargaining with himself, desperate for something to work but also ready to bail at the first sign of betrayal.

Holy shit, it's easy to see how he slowly comes to accept her help with his Pit Madness. It's easy to see how after he feels like he's back in control of himself, he'd start falling in love with this girl who sees the best in him.

And the kicker is, she doesn't even see what she's done as special; she just didn't want him to feel alone. She didn't want him to feel trapped in his own head.

She's not expecting those sentiments to be returned.

She's not expecting Jason to like it when she loses her temper. She's not expecting him to treat her with respect when it comes to her hobbies, the same she gives him. She's not expecting him to want to be around her, to seek her out when he's feeling any type of way; for her to seek him out and have him be willing to listen when she wants to vent. She's not expecting the committment, the quiet support, the feeling that for once she can lean on someone else and just be herself.

Is it because he feels like he owes her? Is it because she has something he wants? Is he trying to manipulate her? There has to be a rational explanation-

Oh.

Oh.

…Well there's certainly nothing rational about it, that's for damn sure. What do you mean, Jason, you think I'm passionate and smart? Even if that's true- Well of course I'm protective of children and the disadvantaged, who isn't? And what do you mean it's a relief that I don't just know about the vigilante life, I understand the vigilante life? What do you mean it blows your mind that the killing- Well, it doesn't not bother me- But yeah it's not the end of the world. What do you mean you're thankful that I've made Crime Alley my home and you'll be here for me as long as I want you to be?

What do you mean you love me?

Do I love you too? Of course I-

Of course I do.

Because of course she does. Of course she admires his honesty, even if it makes him sound like an asshole sometimes. Of course she could spend hours figuring out his quirks, religiously studying what makes him smile and how far she can push his buttons before they're chasing each other across rooftops. Of course she lights up every time he comes over, every time he so much as texts her. Of course she's noticed that he's been able to get her to tap into her emotions in a way she's never before felt safe enough to.

Of course she loves him.

And of course he loves her.

They've made each other feel alive (again).

[velvetvexations]

I have a confession: I used to believe all narcissists were toxic, and I'm pretty sure you've singlehandedly changed my mind.

I came from a very emotionally abusive + neglectful home and my dad has a lot of narcissistic traits (as in, consistent-with-the-DSM type traits, as per a therapist, not just the pop-psych shit) that he does not acknowledge and has never sought any kind of individual MH treatment other than family therapy with me and my mom present, which was very ineffective in terms of changing his behavior or improving my relationship with him.

///////(brief description of emotional abuse in this next paragraph, just a warning, I'm not trying to trauma dump or be triggering it's just some context, you can skip it if you want)

generally, my dad would use my older brother and I as his emotional outlet in ways that were usually humiliating or demoralizing, including manipulating us into arguing/fighting with each other so that he could then break up the fight to assert dominance, or else he would join in the argument by supporting one of us (often me but not always) and criticizing/arguing against the other (often my brother), usually basically verbally browbeating his opponent into submission so he could "win". this was also as an abusive thing towards our mom, bc she hates it when people argue and would always get really uncomfortable until the fight stopped. these tactics generally involved intellectual or academic topics that he would encourage us to have really heated debates over and discourage us from leaving the conversation if we got upset, inevitably resulting in it boiling to a head of name-calling, personal insults, etc.

///////(end abuse description)

it did a number on both my brother and I; we bickered constantly and ended up emotionally distant from each other as adults, and to this day sometimes it feels like he doesn't trust me enough to reveal details of his personal life to me for fear of reprisal. it also basically ruined my relationship with my dad, ofc, especially when I became his sole outlet after my brother left and he stopped being able to scapegoat him.

as a result of this, often when I see narcissistic traits/behaviors in others, or see people mention they have NPD, and especially if they're posting basically any kind of discourse, my gut reaction is fear and aversion, because it's hardwired into my brain that that's associated with imminent abuse. it didn't help that one of the first support spaces that ever recognized what happened to me as abuse was r/raisedbynarcissists, which I'm sure you're not fond of given the amount of pseudoscience and anti-NPD shit on there, and so I fell really deep into that rabbithole of basically just thinking people with NPD were evil.

I did eventually stop going on RBN, bc I ended up majoring in psychology and realizing most of the stuff people said on that subreddit was completely divorced from any kind of validated scientific inquiry and may have even been actively harming my recovery by getting me to fixate on the abuse, along with seeing more and more frequent critiques of the community by people on this site, and I started to evolve and question my idea of what "evil" even means if it could be caused by something involuntary like a disorder (though for a while I remained quietly resistant to the idea that narcissists could be good people even if they weren't necessarily evil).

but I think seeing you post so passionately about transmasc issues and defend us so readily (I'm transmasc) really challenged that and made me question my core beliefs in a big way. here is someone with good opinions that I agree with, someone who is sticking her neck out for another group of people, and who doesn't really stand to gain much aside from some attention from strangers on the internet. in contrast to my dad, who is a misogynist who would often use my AGAB and physical traits as a means to harass me when I was younger, you're someone I can't just say is "toxic" and avoid - it became clear to me that you're someone worth listening to and learning from.

and, you know, the trauma-response voice in my head is always saying "oh, it's attention-seeking behavior, sooner or later the other shoe will drop and she'll abandon us and maybe even turn on us!" but like... even if that's the case, which I'm not even saying it is bc that's a deeply uncharitable and kind of irrational thing of me to think of you, i actually don't care?? you're doing something good here, something worth commending, I don't really care what the motive is, especially since you clearly have your head screwed on right about the morality/ethics side of the issue. You're saying things that need saying. I don't believe in punishing good deeds! and even if eventually you did decide to move on with your life and go pursue some other interest, like, that's also your right, and my abandonment issues should be my own business to deal with and not blame on others.

I'm just glad you're here now advocating for us and with us tbh. so, thank you, not just for defending transmascs but for helping me learn to understand people with NPD better and unpack my own trauma-based biases. genuinely, this change of heart is helping me in my recovery process, is helping me let go of the shame of having some of the same traits and letting me acknowledge them without judging myself, and I just wanted you to know that you had that kind of a positive impact. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing this with me. <3 I appreciate and love you a lot, and I'm glad I could be of some help to you!

[cosmichighpriestess]

The First Step to Forgiveness:

Stop being so hard on yourself and blaming yourself for manifesting something, a situation, a toxic relationship etc. Don't look at it that way. Just look at what is working and not working in your life creating an imbalance. "Okay, this didn't go exactly how I thought it would but that's okay it showed me what doesn't work. Let me go within and find a different way to work on this. Wait, what would my higher self do in this situation?" Say for example you're having problems with others, and you're having a difficult time forgiving them because they make it so hard to love them. First thing you're going to do is look at the self. "Am I happy, at all about anything in life, with myself? How can I make the corrections needed to become happier? If I'm frustrated and angry then obviously I'm not in alignment with how I want to feel emotionally. What makes me happy? How can I get there so I am not frustrated and hurting myself and others?" And if you do not know yourself, you won't be able to find ways to make those corrections with yourself. So it's important to spend time with yourself alone. Don't worry about them, go within.

This sentence Bashar said years ago changed my life, " You don't need a reason to be happy other than that's how you prefer to feel at all times." Every time I'm depressed, or sad, or angry, pissed off at someone mishandling me, I remember this quote and I breathe a sigh of relief knowing I don't need a reason to be happy and I don't need anything outside of me to make me happy. I just find the best feeling thoughts, find the best feeling in my body, even if I'm in physical pain or emotional pain, I let myself cry, and do anything to release those heavy emotions. Then I trust that I'm fully supported by the Universe and remember that I'm always totally, one hundred percent trusting in something. I remember there's no such thing as doubt and only one hundred percent trust in unpreferred realities, so I just change my mind. I remember, I'm strong enough to change my mind each now moment I remember that is an option because everything is meaningless, so that I can change what I'm completely totally trusting in. Like the fact that I'm totally trusting in my dream life, full of love, joy, peace, bliss, abundance and freedom that I know is one hundred percent real and happening right now.

Even if I can't see it in the 3D, that doesn't mean it's not real, it just means I'm close enough that I can feel it. Our entire world is a belief-based reality. Believing is seeing. Not seeing is believing. I look for the things that are working out and only focus on the good things to feel gratitude. But I also remember I don't even need to be grateful for anything in particular, just repeating the word grateful helps me shift into that state of being. So when forgiveness becomes difficult, remember you'll end up having problems with everyone if you can't get to the best feeling within and make yourself happy. Breathe. Neutralize the effects of anger, resentment, grudges, judgments and become the observer. Breathing techniques will get you into a calm state of your preference.

Remember to come back to yourself whenever you have issues with others, you're really having an internal battle with your own demons within, so point the mirror inwards whenever you are having problems and find a way to release your emotions ALONE without taking them out on others. No one wants to be a frustrated person. The truth is, you don't actually hate people and people don't actually hate you, they just make it really hard for you to love them and they are rejecting themselves and then rejecting your love. Can you love and forgive them despite how challenging it is? This is a challenge that you sent to yourself. Check yourself. How are you thinking? How are you feeling?

Don't worry about the other person that is the first step to forgiveness, worry about yourself and how you're feeling and forgive yourself first, then you will have room to forgive others for yourself. Eventually you'll shift to another Earth where those problems either don't exist or they worked themselves out by you taking care of your self first. Stop inventing reasons to not be happy. Work on you, work on observing the meaningless thoughts and letting them go, don't focus on them, and don't focus on those people who are other versions of you and the rest will have no choice but to reflect those changes you've made within.

[natalyarose]

🥀 It's so nice seeing the Vedic Astrology space start to talk about Ayanamsa- when I was first in the space, virtually nobody in the online Nakshatra based Astrology-sphere was talking about or questioning Ayanamsa, or really anything beyond what they were taught.

When I started talking about it, people acted like I was a little cray or just forcing something to fit- granted; I think back then I wasn't the best communicator. I was always good intentioned, but kinda flimsy in my arguments. I would get very stroppy when people challenged me because I would just crumble and think 'they're so right, I'm a stupid spineless lil amoeba, idk nuthin, I'm ashamed that even tried to pretend I know anything :(' lol. Ahh; I was so young, I forget that sometimes. I lacked self-belief, so why would others believe me?

In fact, I said a lotta stuff back then that people treated me like I was crazy for lol, but it's very healing to be seeing people starting to talk about the very same stuff I was on about a few years down the track.

I remember I always wanted to join in on the Twitter Nakshatra exploration, but mannn there was a lot of toxicity in that space. Some brilliant observations and minds at work, but a lot of unfair bias and judgement brought into a sacred practice I found /: (so and so Nakshatra are evil, etc.)

I don't mind what anybody else believes, but I have so much respect for people who are open minded regardless of their own beliefs/ideals 💜 I'm really enjoying Tumblr because from what I've seen, it is a much more balanced place.

I've always had a theory that on Twitter, the word limit on Tweets made people feel inclined to say more cut-throat, black and white things because there's not enough space to eloquently explain your thoughts. Saying (just as an extreme example lol) 'Sun men are evil womanizers', takes less characters than, 'Sun men can be inclined towards not placing much value on attachment, and therefore can exhibit womanising tendencies & in an unbalanced state, very self absorbed, callous behaviours'... wayy too wordy for Twitter. However, I think when talking about astrology it's important to put the TLC in and fully fledge out explanations. This knowledge is so sacred and we are blessed to have access to it, the more sophistication we speak of things with, the more we can do it justice 🌌🍃

I feel astrology is best utilised as tool for bringing people closer to divinity & unity rather than dividing and judging others. Granted, we do live on the physical plane so it is also important to understand division, but why not try to bridge that gap?

It's important that when we find ourselves having the blessing/burden of knowledge in our hands, we use it wisely 🤍🌜

- someone who doesn't know which way is up 😎

[butwhatifidothis]

Hi, I'm really sorry if this does come off sounding rude. I've followed your 3h content for a while now so I was around to see the drama with raxis and things like moonlitboar occur. It really does suck and I've seen a lot of toxic edelgard stans myself in the fandom. I do understand how raxis does tend to block evade thus making it a prolonged conflict with no easy end. But I can't help but feel that the discord screenshots you've posted have not helped in resolving the conflict. I don't think that you have been wrong about the culture of toxicity inside the discord but I feel that the discord screenshots may have escalated the conflict since now there are people there who are becoming very paranoid about about "spying" (which in itself a little bit of a grey area because it is a public discord) . But I think that paranoia in the discord now has the potential to turn really ugly and further radicalize more people in the discord. And because there are some neutral people in that discord who do seem to want to just block and ignore/tired of some arguments, I think that an end to the discord screenshots would keep them from being swayed by the paranoia/ a sign of good faith. I really don't think that you are in the wrong when it comes to this whole thing with raxis. I think that raxis's actions and behavior do deserve to be called out in the past and present. But I just feel like trying to call out one person is one thing but a whole discord is just a very huge and impossible challenge. I think that the discord is just best left ignored as these people have clearly made it clear that they really don't want to be reasoned with or want to change and I think that they are getting really dangerous. I really do hope this doesn't come off as both sides are bad because I do believe that this problem has always originated from Raxis. Sorry this got so long and I really do wish you all the best.

It's no problem; I understand where you're coming from.

What I feel about it is this: people from outside the server did not know the depths this server was sinking into. Leaving them alone as we have been would have resulted in them continuing to go on as though everything was fine as long as they confined their rhetoric to a certain spot; I feel it's important to remind people that that is not true, as that would only isolate the problem while doing nothing to actually rectify it or stop it from getting worse (even though this of course isn't going to magically cure everything either, to be clear).

Even well before I posted these specific screenshots, they were paranoid about the entire fandom "persecuting and targeting" them for "no reason," they were paranoid about how everyone is "out to get" Edelgard in FE's general fandom spaces, they were paranoid that every single other person who ever criticizes them is some form of evil bigot (which would normally be a bit of an exaggeration, if it wasn't for them genuinely saying this every single time something like this happens); at worst, this will just be used as yet another scapegoat to continue their self-fulfilling prophecy of being generally disliked in the fandom. At best, this warns people about what's been going on - a miracle could even happen and some of the people in the server can see what the higher ups in their server have been letting slide and leave.

I called out Raxis because of the harm he was (and, frankly, still is) doing to others, and I am doing the same to the Edelgang discord because of the harm their mods have either allowed to happened or have outright participated in themselves. Given the general consensus of people from the outside's reactions (that being shock and/or disgust), I think it's ultimately important to warn people of harmful actors and the rhetoric they spread.

Especially given how they responded. If there was any sign of remorse for what was done - Shandale disavowing their previous beliefs, or if that didn't happen them getting unmodded/banned/some sort of action done from the mod team, or even just some pushback from the general members (something they were more than ready to do in defense of Raxis, and something they were willing to do when these sentiments were first said) - I would have been more than ready to delete the screenshots and apologize for showing them. But their defense of it - that it was "taken out of context," as though what was said could ever be alright to say, as though they do in fact stand by them - shows the importance of calling this behavior out.

They do not think it was that bad. They think these sentiments are okay to have, as long as they are in the "right context." And I don't think it's okay for people to not know that given how dangerous the rhetoric is

[likethexan]

If you were to comment on what is attractive about OTPs, how would you describe those ships?

yes, this ask is just an excuse for those who received it to ramble about their OTPs

I'm a sucker for the soulmate trope. Not necessarily the "the universe made you for me" kind of soulmates, but the one where someone meets what they'll soon realize is their other half, be it by their own efforts or just sliding into each other's lives so casually it's almost terrifying. ("There's someone for everyone.")

I have two types of ships (from what I've observed):

The type where they're relatively normal but fit each other like a glove, complement each other, and challenge each other's beliefs

when they’re a bit insane for each other in the “i’ll do the most stupid/dangerous/semi-wrong thing as a form of crazy, only for you love language / devotion to you

(These don't have to be mutually exclusive, but the second category is a rare treat that i adore, so here are some examples:)

Zeus following a mortal king's mad plan of a hoax wedding to get Hera to talk to him again, Orpheus traversing the Underworld because he said “no 🤍” when Eurydice died, Menelaus bringing a thousand men with their ships as a Hail Mary to get Helen back. (These are all extreme examples but I love it when a man is a bit pathetic for his wife)

Even with gender reversed I like it: Atalanta going whoops and letting Hippomenes win the race OR Penelope undoing her weaving every night to give Odysseus enough time or even sapphic non myth ships like TaiVan from Yellowjackets where Van allows her 90% sure demon possessed girlfriend to sleep next to her despite being almost nobbled up by her.

It's beautiful when they're a little for the crazy, little for the unhinged y'know? like my favorite NieYao (infamous for SPOILER: killing each other and coffin sharing for a century in the most delicious karmic way possible, go read mdzs) or AgaCly (if you ignore that one Euripides line, interpreting them as a loving happy couple before Iphigenia's death adds LAYERS upon layers to the tragedy), or Loustat (breaking the law making a vampire baby so your husband has a family and feels fulfilled).

I like it when it's a bit deranged, a bit sly, a bit tragic, a bit toxic but also full of love. Besides that, I do also adore quiet passionate pairings (Sokka/Suki, Anne/Frederick, Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan, Ava/Beatrice, ALSO Helen/Menelaus lowkey). Also. Devotion. Devotion in a pairing is honestly so good and makes me gooey inside. Even in unorthodox circumstances like Zeus and Hera's whole arrangement xD

Most of the time my shipping depends on the vibe but I do have to at base requirement have to like both/all of the people in the ships to like it (which is why you won't see me root for a pairing if I heavily dislike the character, I can dissect or talk about their dynamic but, likely, i'll just be thinking that A deserves soooo much better than B. B can do die in a hole.). There can be a few instances where I like pairings involving a character with multiple lovers (especially when it involves greek gods like Poseidon or Apollo, but even there I have favorites like Poseidon/Medusa and Apollo/Hyacinthus which I do see as soulmates.)

[hermeticphoenix]

Tips for Beginners in Occult Magic

Hi everyone! I want to share some tips for those starting out in magic or the occult. These are based on my personal experiences, so take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Remember, practicing magic isn’t just about wonder and mystery—it also requires self-awareness and maturity.

1. Work on your body, emotions, and mind first.

A lot of beginners dive into magic driven by emotions like curiosity or the desire to gain powers. While that excitement is normal, it can also lead to burnout or even danger. When I started my Hermetic journey, I had to focus on building a strong foundation, like taking care of my body, managing my emotions, and understanding my mind. This meant observing my thoughts, dealing with my triggers, and staying aware of my biases. I also worked on being physically healthier (though I’m not saying you need to exercise every day or become vegetarian!). The point is: if you’re not taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally, it could affect your spiritual life too.

2. Explore the occult in your own culture.

When I started practicing, I focused on Western occultism, even though I’m not from the West. Over time, I realized how important it is to learn about the spiritual and magical traditions of your own culture. For me, this was tricky because a lot of knowledge here is passed down orally or kept within families. But I eventually learned that some local astral beings were influencing my life—for better or worse. This might not apply to everyone, but if your culture has magical practices, it’s worth looking into. Then again, I'm not saying that you should agree with them or practice them.

3. Balance emotion with logic.

It’s easy to get caught up in the emotional side of magic, but it’s important to learn objectively too. You’ll probably come across ideas or beliefs you don’t agree with, but that doesn’t mean they’re useless. Understanding different perspectives can help you grow as a practitioner—even if you don’t adopt those practices yourself.

4. Stay grounded.

It’s great to be passionate about magic, but don’t lose touch with the real world. Some people become so obsessed with the occult that they develop unhealthy habits or mental instability. This can even create unwanted energy forms (phantoms) that drain you over time. Remember, you’re still human. Take care of yourself and stay connected to the world around you.

5. Knowledge doesn’t make you better than others.

Having occult knowledge or abilities doesn’t mean you’re superior or more “enlightened” than anyone else. Unfortunately, I’ve met a few practitioners who became entitled or toxic—basically like spiritual snobs. Don’t fall into that trap. Use your skills wisely and responsibly. Avoid harming others unless absolutely necessary (e.g. protection or defense), and don’t let anyone take advantage of your kindness either.

6. Know what you’re working toward.

Having clear goals can help you stay focused. It’s fine to experiment and explore, but don’t try to master everything at once—it’s a recipe for burnout. Take things one step at a time, and be patient with yourself.

7. Reflect on your practice.

Check in with yourself regularly. Sometimes we get so attached to our practices or beliefs that we forget to question them. Ask yourself: How is this affecting my life? Is it helping me grow? Am I holding onto ideas that no longer serve me? Magic is a journey, and there’s always more to learn.

Practicing magic is a lifelong process—it’s not easy, and it’s not for the faint-hearted. You’ll face challenges, but the rewards are worth it if you stick with it. At the end of the day, the goal is to transform yourself and your life. Take what resonates from these tips, and feel free to leave the rest.

With love,

Phoenix

[thenewfuture]

Thank you, thank you Sparks. It's been a long time coming, but we are finally done with this first arc on this blog. Which means; it's time for our very first:

ARC OVERVIEW!

Now what is an "Arc Overview", I hear you ask. An Arc Overview is where I give you the general rundown of everything in this arc; things I liked doings, things I didn't like, maybe some fun facts of things that didn't make it in, etc. With all of that out of the way, let's take dive i to the "Jabberwock Island Arc Overview"!

....

........

...............

Really? You all made it and stuck with me through this thing? Seriously? Wow... Thank you all so much. I first want to take this time and just show my gratitude for you all, for being here, supporting me and the story of this blog. It really means a lot to me.

I want to give special attention to @etriansquad-yssey, @dtgvxg, @daebreaker1, @xsuicunex2, @spyrkle4, @overanalyst556, and every anon that has been here since day 1. You all are amazing, and without you this story wouldn't have gone anywhere. So I thank you for all the support you've given me. It truly mean a lot to me in ways words can't even begin to say.

Another shout-out and thank you to is to @ghostshadow-k-r, without they didn't need to draw Kebi sprites for me, but they did, and I am eternally grateful for that. And thanks to you, our little mascot looks even more adorable!

And it's no secret that I have been inspired by Mod Bubbles, Mod Poi, and Mod Creeper's blogs of ASOOT, NWPM/DTFA, DRSurvivor respectfully, so if they see this I want to thank them again for their hardwork and for inspiring me to pursue a story blog of my own. And one more thank you to Mod Poi as well, I enjoy our talks together and your help. I really appreciate that.

But yeah, hoo wee, onto the actual arc itself. And, I feel it didn't that long at all, I mean time flew by so fast, like-

.....huh? ....Oh, I'm sorry, what? .....It's been long...like a long, long time..... W-Well, okay then....h-how long could it have been...?

A YEAR?!?!?!!?!?

That's not good.... Uh, heh heh heh......

Well, I'm sorry about that. This arc did take much longer than I was anticipating.... But with work and personal life shenanigans, as well as my mental health states, and sometimes just being not motivated or tired to work on the story did slow it down a bit...

I hope to not have this be the precedent for arcs going forward and will try my best going forward, but I think I can say the next arc won't take as long.... I hope....

Not only helped by times even I was tired of where I was in the story and just wanted to move on to the next beat because it sounded much more fun. Or simply because I forgot what I wanted to do or have characters say in certain moments.

But there was a lot I did like in this arc. I liked writing Hajime and his struggles, and the whole side arc with Mahiru was done well, I liked getting the chance to include Kebi, that was fun, and getting to show off Tenten.

But there are two big elephants we need to address, so let's do it now shall we?

Ah yes, Nagito Komaeda. Danganronpa's icon and forever meme boi. Who I am sure sparks no discourse whatsoever with his presence.........haaaa...

Writing Nagito has certainly been challenging, as you've seen I'm o the belief that not everyone should have immediately forgiven him and Nagito shouldn't be babied because of his disease and health. He is smart enough to solve the crimes or at the very least, have some suspects in mind when it comes to the class trials so he is very intelligent. And while Nagito has gotten his share of humble pie from the anons, there have also come some toxic fudge as well drizzled in there. I need not go any further for many of you to know what I'm talking about. And maybe I have mistakenly gave the impression that this kind of behavior was allowed because this arc went on for so long, but even so, there have been numerous moments where the line has been crossed.

This arc has been about characters coming to terms with their actions and striving to better somewhat, and they can't get better if they are constantly stepped down on when the attempts are honestly being made. Redemption is not an easy path for those who choose to walk it, but they also shouldn't be deliberately run over either.

But for the most part, it was pretty tame. I mean, could you imagine if there was another character like this who I may have written worse and have constant discourse battles in my ask box about this concept everytime they were on screen? Pfft! Wouldn't that be wild! Ahahaha-

Oh...it's you...... Heeeeeeeee.........Hiiiiiiiiii.......

Look, I have not hid this. Hiyoko is not my favorite character in this cast. Probably in this whole franchise. But even still, I tried to make do with Hiyoko to the best of my abilities, but as you can see, it didn't bode well with a select few.

"Unsalvageable" Many claimed Hiyoko was unsalvageable, and it's easy to see why. I will admit. I may have gone overboard with the annoying bully part of character, which as you can see brought an onslaught of dicussions and ask from her many fans or "simps" as me and Mod Poi like to address them by. And to think...this would have been so much worse...

I think it's about time I tell you all what I initially had planned for Hiyoko that would make many hate me, huh? So I'm pretty sure after Hajime's therapy and intervention session, we would just time skip to when Mikan wakes up. She has amnesia, can't remember anything, yada yada yada. All that stays the same. Except one thing; Hiyoko's there this time. And she would claim that Mikan is merely faking her amnesia. And so to prove it, Hiyoko would go see Mikan alone, bully her some more like pulling on her hair, hitting her etc, and even trying to kill her as revenge, the same way Mikan did to her. Everyone comes in just in time to stop her, then Mahiru would end her friendship with Hiyoko, and the arc would essentially end the same.

........So you can see why I dropped that, right? I'm going to claim what I rewrote was better, it was still kind of messed up, but I needed Hiyoko to truly awaken, have her eyes opened and truly reflect on what she had done. All Hiyoko does is deflect and dismiss any sort of consequence that comes her way, Hiyoko needed to be face with the reality and to stop living in her own little bubble. That was I was trying to go for with her here. And if I ever did wrong by her, then I apologize and I will try to make her better as the arcs go on.

All in all, writing this blog has been fun, stressful, calming, exhausting, exciting, and frustrating. ...But I loved doing it. And once again, I'm thankful to you all for sticking it with me this far.

I'm going to take a little break to fine tune some parts of the next arc going forward, but I also have some posts planned to stay in touch with you guys. So until then look forward to that, and I will you see you all when we return for the next arc which is...the Future Foundation Arc......

....oh god.... A-Ahem! See you all then!

-Mod

[slava-perunu]

Finding Identity in Purity is a Mistake.

One of the things I've really had to challenge myself on, as somebody who has been pagan for 15 years now, is how insular and venomous some pagan spaces used to be online compared to how they are now, and how much the culture shaped me. At one point I was a member of a very popular Ásatrú (Heathenry as a term really hadn't caught on at the time and the term wasn't as loaded then) group, with maybe five thousand members. I was a teenager, and like most teenagers, I wanted to be accepted. Badly. And this was The Group. It had big, important community members in it. The culture was aggressively reconstructionist. There were Rules, both written and unwritten, and if you followed them you got to dogpile people who didn't. It was incredibly toxic.

This group was very proud of its "Shame Culture." That's not me trying to coin a term to badmouth them, that's literally what they called it. If you stuck out, you were Shamed. There were frequent threads dedicated to mocking members who were bullied out of the group. If you were out of line with the group Opinion, you'd be dogpiled until you lost your cool, and then banned for being angry.

As you can imagine, after a while I quietly left, but that group left its mark. I was out of the community, but I still struggled with its demand of absolute historical purity. Even more so when many of the group's Approved Beliefs began being contested by new research and being less popular. Suddenly well defined pantheons were no longer the law of the land and verboten deities (It's Loki, I'm talking about Loki) were acceptable, and somehow at 20 I felt like an old man yelling at clouds. Those things couldn't be right. Blót meant blood and Loki was made up and there was a perfect historical recreation of Real, Authentic Heathenry that was just waiting to blossom, after all the fake heathens and Wiccatru crazies (labels that were, upon reflection, aimed by group members almost exclusively at women and LGBT+ people) were chased out or shamed into submission. This is not a healthy mindset.

I hope it is obvious that I have not retained these beliefs. I regret ever giving them credence. It's a shame that I fell for them, but I am also not surprised that I did. They prey exactly upon the worst excesses of the feelings that can draw young people (especially young men, I'd say) to paganism in the first place- this idea of a unique, rugged, authentic spirituality hidden behind misinformation that only the brave and intelligent care enough to find. I was an angry, socially isolated young nerd, and that's exactly the thing that angry, socially isolated young nerds desperately want to hear: "Not only are you special, you're special on a cosmic level. You're one of the only guys who worship the True Gods in the Right Way."

I feel like moving towards Slavic Paganism helped me break away from that toxic mindset. First, in that it allowed me to be a beginner again as an adult. No expertise, no seniority, I had to sit down and listen. Second, in what I heard when I did: "We don't know." That was terrifying to hear when I started. What if I did something wrong? What if I messed up? Tearing the bandage off and realizing that those things mattered less than I had believed allowed me to grow.

Third, and probably silliest, was that it's called Slavic Paganism. I know, it's got other names, but those are, uh, complicated. But that second word was important. "Heathenry" lets you be separate. You're not a nut like those eclectic Pagans, you're a real Heathen. You tell somebody in America you're a Rodnover (or whatever other label you might choose) and they ask you what that means, and you mumble back "pagan" as quiet as you can. You have an identity beyond that, but you're not better because of it.

Don't fall for the grift that young me did. Wanting historical authenticity is perfectly fine. I still try and make my practice as historically accurate as I can, and people peddling outright lies as divine truth are still causing harm. But basing your identity on Purity is another story. Don't chase Purity, because you'll never catch it. It's a bald faced lie. The chase is long and fruitless and you hurt people as you pass. If you become obsessed with Purity, it'll eat you from the inside out and turn you cruel. Purity is the white whale of reconstructionist paganism, and it'll drag us all under if we let it.

[cometconmain]

I have someone who comes to groom my dog because I physically can't keep up with it. He's extremely good at his job.

He also thinks Trump isn't all that bad a guy, the Democrats are the anti-human rights party, had no idea the Supreme Court was a thing/is controlled by Republicans and that's why so many human rights are being rolled back in America, refuses to actually use his privilege of having a preferential voting system to not have to vote for the two major shitty parties because he insists on believing nothing good has been done despite numerous proving points to the contrary in his own life let alone others' lives, thinks climate change is a hoax and can't wrap his head around why university studies need to be checked for a donor list and a fossil fuel company supported 'study' isn't reliable actually, hasn't even learned the most basic empathy concept of "you not suffering from a problem other people suffer from doesn't make that problem less important/you should care about people whose lives you don't experience", outright said with his full chest that maybe we should racially segregate the Olympics again actually, and a number of other toxic to downright rancid things I would have just written him off and slammed the door in his face for last year let alone a few years ago.

Don't get me wrong. Talking to him is fucking EXHAUSTING and I feel physically disgusting afterward having to just calmly listen to all these things he spouts which have historically resulted in entire groups of people being targeted for genocide and numerous other human rights abuses when left unchecked and allowed to fester at the societal level.

BUT HE LISTENS WHEN I CHALLENGE HIM.

I can see him actually seeing me as a human being worth listening to. He's older than me and definitely been down way too many right-wing rabbit holes for me to pull him onto the surface any time soon. But I'm giving him things to chew on and hopefully if we're lucky I've planted some seeds which will eventually grow into some semi decent human being plants one day. He's really ignorant and clearly under-educated and that itself isn't his fault and biting his head off isn't remotely going to make up for that gap and is only going to drive him further into the arms of whatever fucked up extremist conservative groups he's been listening to.

He is reachable. He's just also a very long project I only get to work on for an hour at a time every 6 weeks.

And some of the things I've said which I think were part of what got through to him involved showing empathy for him being a single father(? I may have mixed that up with someone else but I think he is) with a disabled kid. He shows empathy for disabled people because he's the father of one (and probably is neurodivergent himself I believe but unsupported and doing his best to give his son the support he didn't get from the sounds of it).

But yeah.

Listen: you don't have to take shit to the face if the person is solely malicious and trying to hurt you. No one is obligated to meet that with kindness and anyone saying otherwise can get fucked. There is a limit to how much bullshit someone can cop while the bullshitter acts like any emotional response to their bullshit is unreasonable/out of nowhere and that is valid on the part of the person copping the crap.

However, if you a) can handle coping long enough to break down those walls with unexpected kindness/it isn't dangerous for you to try that method (VERY IMPORTANT. PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE DETAILS. DON'T TRY THAT ON SOMEONE WHO IS ACTIVELY THREATENING/DANGEROUS TO YOU), or b) can tell it's soft bigotry/general ignorance driving the otherwise yuck things being said, do give the compassion and patient education route a try.

I've had numerous instances of me holding shitty ignorant beliefs I had no idea were actually harmful. The people biting my head off didn't get to me. The people who took the time to see I was just ignorant and under-educated on the matter (and hadn't yet developed the empathy for a group I didn't belong to) taking me aside and patiently dealing with my idiocy long enough to explain things to me in a way that got through my skull (and eventually into my heart as well) were the ones who fundamentally improved me as a person. I still have plenty of things I always have to work on. But I can tell you now I would be much MUCH worse without those patient, kind, educational interventions by people who could tell the difference between malice and ignorance.

The same applies to everyone else.

Human beings are human beings. All of us. Re-humanising each other is the last thing any of the politicians and extremist groups want us to do BECAUSE IT WORKS. IT BREAKS THE WARPED MODEL OF THE WORLD THEY PORTRAY AS REALITY TO DIVIDE US AND KEEP US ALL AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS INSTEAD OF CUTTING OFF THE FOOD SOURCE FOR THEIR WEEDS AT THE ROOT.

When we remind a hurting person that we are a person too, not the bogeyman the extremist groups paint us as, it shakes their warped worldview to the core. It makes them think. It makes them QUESTION. It makes them look at the flower the 'evil' Pride-pin wearer gave them because no one gave them flowers when their mother died and their hate begins to crack at the seams.

The things the world teaches men hurts men too. Teaching them they DON'T have to subscribe to that mentality all the way down to the roots of the patriarchy weed is the best and most effective way of cutting that mentality off at the source. Even if you struggle to empathise with men because you've been hurt; ok, valid. But it is demonstrably more effective, sustainable and long term changing to just get rid of all of it by addressing their pain and showing them how much healthier and happier they can be just in their own life let alone others' lives by casting off the system that hurts them too.

I'm pretty sure I'm just rehashing the same points here, sorry, but the concept of deradicalisation as a healing and long term change tool has been my social justice special interest this year so talking it out helps it solidify in my own head too. (And gives me strength to deal with bullshit because it reminds me it's worth copping what I can personally handle in order to get someone to think, change and grow, one exhausting person at a time).

part of the reason i love how bell hooks talks about masculinity is that she shows real compassion towards men suffering from the effects of toxic masculinity. she was conscious of how we need to unlearn the ways we talk about men + masculinity just as much as we need to unlearn the same for women + femininity. so many times ill see someone talking about toxic masculinity like (hyperbolizing here but only slightly) “these FUCKING STUPID BABY BITCHES won’t MAN UP and go to a therapist!!!” and like. i get the anger. but you see feminists recreating patriarchal manhood by only promoting good behaviors through patriarchal frameworks. any use of the term “real men” is bad because it reifies the idea that manhood is a special title you must earn, and it is something possible to fail and fake. & as important as it is to promote sexual equality + the pleasure of non-cis-men, lots of people are essentially still working with the idea that men need sexual prowess to have worth but just shifting it slightly so there is more emphasis on women’s pleasure. but I want cis men to think about their partners’ pleasure because they care about their partners, not because they need to check a box in order to keep their man card. and don’t get me started on small dick jokes��� and the absolutely pitiful excuse people will use that “well, I don’t believe it, but misogynistic men get upset when I say it, so it’s okay!”

basically bell hooks is so fucking right. in order to create loving men we need to love men, simply for being alive, whether or not they are performing. as much as we need to actively unlearn misogyny (and we do), it’s equally vital we unlearn patriarchal ways of seeing manhood. we can’t just assume that taking a feminist perspective automatically means there is no work to be done there.

[traumacatholic]

Would you recommend someone engaging less in certain types of content in social media if its affecting their mental health? For context, i have been on tumblr for a few years but only recently i've engaged with fandoms i like and other types of creators because i took the hobby of writing stories for both characters of media i like and also original ones made by me. This is not only useful as someone who's writing for the first time, but since many of the characters i'm writing for are LGBT and i want to know how to portray them properly. But there's too many people here spewing hate about silly things and as much as i hate the expression they do seem chronically online and detached from real world problems. This does seem to make my mental health struggles worse as it worsens my angry intrusive thoughts and puts me through unnecessary rumination, and i want to say that its not seeing different oppinions or challenging my beliefs what the problem is, but genuine hate and silly discourse. I also warn that this isn't about opinions regarding gender and sexuality but many other things like disability, fandom discourse, shipping wars, people who believe themselves progressive but just spew hate that ends up not helping at all, etc.

Hey! I would say if anything is having an impact on your mental health in a negative way, then it is perfectly fine to not engage with it and it is definitely something that I would recommend. There are a lot of online spaces that are unfortunately toxic, and while being a nice and kind person in that space can be good. We also have to be concerned about our own wellbeing.

That doesn't mean that you can never engage with fandoms that interest you. I know that Xkit lets you block words that are either in posts or tags, so you can filter out a lot of content that is harmful to you. Having a look through your following list and unfollowing people that share or engage with things that negatively impact you is also good. Finding people that just share art or other positive things can also be helpful. You may even find that just sharing things about the fandoms you're interested in, without engaging with other blogs is also a positive and healthy way. This way you get to share thoughts and feelings that you have, you et to share any stories you write, or art you make without having to deal with toxic discourse.

As for the writing part specifically, if you have a look on here you can often find people making guides on how to write LGBT characters, disabled characters etc. And while these guides aren't catered to a specific fandom, they might be really helpful to go through and hopefully because they're general writing guides, they should be free of any toxic discourse. Also watch documentaries about the lives and struggles of people that are LGBT (or about any other kind of character you want to write). They might bring up talking points that you can write into your characters or give you topics to research. Worth mentioning that sometimes these documentaries can be triggering, so always make sure to look up trigger warnings before watching a documentary.

There will be other blogs/people that have similar views to you, who do not engage in discourse and just share things like gifs / art / stories. They may be a bit harder to find, and it's up to you to decide whether it's worth trying to wade through toxic blogs/people that make you feel bad in order to engage with the good. It is always a good thing to cultivate an online space that is good for your own wellbeing. And this can attract similar people. And if your space is ever having a negative impact on your wellbeing, then yes I would absolutely recommend either stepping away or thinking about the ways you can change it to make it more positive for yourself

[energy-healing-with-jen]

TODAY'S LEARNING Beyond Positive Thinking: Realistic Approaches to Mastering Your Mental Landscape

In a world saturated with "just think positive" messaging, many of us have tried forcing optimism only to feel worse when reality doesn't match our manufactured thoughts. The truth is, genuine mental mastery requires more nuance than positive affirmations alone.

The Problem with Toxic Positivity

Positive thinking has its place, but when taken to extremes, it can become what psychologists call "toxic positivity"—the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset regardless of how difficult a situation is. This approach often invalidates authentic emotional experiences and can lead to suppression rather than processing.

Embracing Thought Awareness Before Thought Control

Rather than immediately replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, begin by simply observing your thought patterns without judgment. Psychologist Dr. Russ Harris, developer of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, suggests that we aim for psychological flexibility rather than constant happiness.

Try this exercise: For one day, mentally note your recurring thought patterns with a simple label like "planning thought," "worry thought," or "self-criticism thought." Don't try to change them—just observe.

The Power of Neutral Thinking

Trevor Moawad, mental conditioning coach to elite athletes, advocates for "neutral thinking"—a middle ground between negative and overly positive thinking. This approach acknowledges reality as it is while focusing on actionable next steps.

Instead of: "I'm going to nail this presentation!" (positive but potentially unrealistic) Or: "I'm going to bomb this presentation." (negative and unhelpful) Try: "I've prepared thoroughly and will focus on delivering one point at a time." (neutral and process-focused)

Cognitive Defusion: Creating Distance from Thoughts

Our thoughts feel most overwhelming when we're fused with them—when we can't separate ourselves from what we're thinking. Cognitive defusion techniques help create psychological distance.

A simple technique: Prefix challenging thoughts with "I'm having the thought that..." This subtle shift helps your brain recognize thoughts as mental events rather than absolute truths.

Designing Your Mental Environment

Just as physical environments influence behavior, your information diet and social circles shape your thought patterns. Carefully curate:

Media consumption (news, social media, entertainment)

Conversation topics and quality

Time spent with different people in your life

Even small adjustments—like a 15-minute reduction in social media or starting your day with reading rather than news consumption—can significantly impact your default thought patterns.

Practical Thought Mastery

True mental mastery isn't about eliminating negative thoughts but developing a healthier relationship with your full thinking spectrum. It combines acceptance of what is with intentional actions toward what matters. By moving beyond simplistic positive thinking toward a more nuanced approach, you'll develop resilience that withstands real-world challenges rather than dissolving when faced with inevitable difficulties.

The most powerful form of thought control isn't forcing positivity—it's cultivating the ability to think deliberately in alignment with your deepest values, regardless of whether those thoughts feel positive, negative, or somewhere in between.

[cosmicroseflower]

The First Step to Forgiveness:

Stop being so hard on yourself and blaming yourself for manifesting something, a situation, a toxic relationship etc. Don't look at it that way. Just look at what is working and not working in your life creating an imbalance. "Okay, this didn't go exactly how I thought it would but that's okay it showed me what doesn't work. Let me go within and find a different way to work on this. Wait, what would my higher self do in this situation?" Say for example you're having problems with others, and you're having a difficult time forgiving them because they make it so hard to love them.

First thing you're going to do is look at the self. "Am I happy, at all about anything in life, with myself? How can I make the corrections needed to become happier? If I'm frustrated and angry then obviously I'm not in alignment with how I want to feel emotionally. What makes me happy? How can I get there so I am not frustrated and hurting myself and others?" And if you do not know yourself, you won't be able to find ways to make those corrections with yourself. So it's important to spend time with yourself alone. Don't worry about them, go within.

One quote Bashar said years ago changed my life, " You don't need a reason to be happy other than that's how you prefer to feel at all times." Every time I'm depressed, or sad, or angry, pissed off at someone mishandling me, I remember this quote and I breathe a sigh of relief knowing I don't need a reason to be happy and I don't need anything outside of me to make me happy.

I just find the best feeling thoughts, find the best feeling in my body, even if I'm in physical pain or emotional pain, I let myself cry, and do anything to release those heavy emotions. Then I trust that I'm fully supported by the Universe and remember that I'm always totally, one hundred percent trusting in something. I remember there's no such thing as doubt and only one hundred percent trust in unpreferred realities, so I just change my mind. I remember, I'm strong enough to change my mind each now moment I remember that is an option because everything is meaningless, so that I can change what I'm completely totally trusting in. Like the fact that I'm totally trusting in my dream life, full of love, joy, peace, bliss, abundance and freedom that I know is one hundred percent real and happening right now. Even if I can't see it in the 3D, that doesn't mean it's not real, it just means I'm close enough that I can feel it.

Our entire world is a belief-based reality. Believing is seeing. Not seeing is believing. I look for the things that are working out and only focus on the good things to feel gratitude. But I also remember I don't even need to be grateful for anything in particular, just repeating the word grateful helps me shift into that state of being. So when forgiveness becomes difficult, remember you'll end up having problems with everyone if you can't get to the best feeling within and make yourself happy. Breathe. Neutralize the effects of anger, resentment, grudges, judgments and become the observer. Breathing techniques will get you into a calm state of your preference.  

Remember to come back to yourself whenever you have issues with others, you're really having an internal battle with your own demons within, so point the mirror inwards whenever you are having problems and find a way to release your emotions ALONE without taking them out on others. No one wants to be a frustrated person. The truth is, you don't actually hate people and people don't actually hate you, they just make it really hard for you to love them and they are rejecting themselves and then rejecting your love. Can you love and forgive them despite how challenging it is? This is a challenge that you sent to yourself. Check yourself. How are you thinking? How are you feeling? Don't worry about the other person that is the first step to forgiveness, worry about yourself and how you're feeling and forgive yourself first, then you will have room to forgive others for yourself.

Eventually you'll shift to another Earth where those problems either don't exist or they worked themselves out by you taking care of your self first. Stop inventing reasons to not be happy. Work on you, work on observing the meaningless thoughts and letting them go, don't focus on them, and don't focus on those people who are other versions of you and the rest will have no choice but to reflect those changes you've made within. (Forgiving others is forgiving yourself for having attracted the experience you don't prefer. In other words, it's freedom. Forgiveness is freedom; otherwise, if you don't forgive, you are anchoring yourself TO the negative experience, and why would you want to do that? -Bashar)

[fuegio-the-fiery-boi]

Falling in Love

Around 2020, I fell in love with the thought of being a detective or an investigator.

It all started when I randomly wanted to watch the Sherlock series on Netflix.

It was amazing. The Science of Deduction! The way how one can observe, analyze, and conclude!

"Goodness," I thought. "I want to be like Sherlock Holmes"

After a while, many months later or so (or I think even more than a year!) I saw an anime called "Moriarty the Patriot" showing on Netflix.

Moriarty The Patriot

So, I decided to watch it.

Not only was I amazed by William's genius, but the more I fell in love with the science of deduction. I also want to share that my eyes were further opened in the political and societal aspects of the unjust and unfair existing hierarchy between the nobles and the commoners.

Anyway, somewhere along the line, I felt like i couldn't make myself consume any more media related to this theme. The reason was that I felt like I couldn't achieve what William or Sherlock had.

Beliefs and Foundations

I have a negative perfectionist belief in me. "If I'm not as amazing as them at the get-go, then it's impossible to reach that goal."

Gosh, it took a while for me to verbalize that belief or foundation of mine.

But, when I verbalized it and acknowledged it, that was the moment I could challenge it.

I realized deep in me, I couldn't just let that love of mine go just for some limiting belief!

BS Forensic Science or Criminology

But, another obstacle appeared. When I finally decided to pursue this love of mine as a profession, my brother told me the reality of existing politics in the workplace, especially in the government.

Here's a little background:

I wanted to take up forensic science or Criminology and have work experience, which I could mainly get in the government workplace. The reason for wanting to get experience from the government workplace was because I wanted to put up my own detective agency. But in order to do that, I needed some credentials and credibility. Therefore, working in the government had to be an option.

But, when my brother explained to me in detail the politics in the workplace of such a profession in the government, I felt like I didn't have the foundations to be in such a place. It would have been too difficult for me. The place is toxic, that's the gist of my brother's stories and explanations. He also mentioned how the workplace affected my dad. My dad, by the way, was a police man with the position of a General and he was exposed to such a toxic environment which was difficult for him.

So, anyway, I gave up pursuing that dream altogether.

Until the present.

Sherlock Holmes Book Collection

A few months ago, I was able to buy the Sherlock Holmes book collection at the Big Bad Wolf Book Event.

But it wasn't until now, December 2024 that I decided to read it.

It's been on display on one of my tables here in my room. And everytime I glance at it, I feel like I wanted to read it.

Reason for not reading it until now, I didn't feel interested enough anymore.

But anyway, I decided to read it for fun. Meh, why not right?

The Sparking of Love Once Again

I read the first chapter.

I had a few giggles here and there.

But I felt it again. Deep down, this theme amazed me.

I felt it in my chest. It was the same excitement I had the first time I watched the Sherlock series, and the Moriarty the Patriot anime series.

I wanted to pursue it somehow.

But I knew that working in the government was out of the picture.

Also, I actually want to tell you that I was pursuing Animezin PH (one of my projects where I blog and make videos about anime meets mental health themes). This was my main project, and I wanted to focus on it and make it my main source of income.

Doing all of them

I was thinking deeply a night ago, December 8, 2024.

I was thinking "Why should we only commit to one passion? Can't we commit to all of our passions? Can't we deepen our love and knowledge on all of them?"

It's true, we dont have all the time, money, and effort in the world.

But it doesnt mean you shouldn't sacrifice other passions.

I believe we can pusue all of them, with whatever capacity and time we have. We reach what we can reach as long as we're alive.

Prioritizing and Intertwining My Passions

However, since time, money, and effort are limited, I thought that the best option is to prioritize my passions without sacrificing other passions.

Do you know the hierarchy of needs by Maslow?

We need to provide our basic needs first before we can reach the other higher levels.

Currently, I am finding ways on how I can intertwine my passion of being a detective with Animezin PH and my other projects that would be my main sources of income.

At the same time, I will hone my problem-solving abilities, observation, deduction, and analysis abilities, through social interactions and my current projects (like programming a game website) and journalling what I learn through blogging and content creation for Animezin PH.

Concluding this sharing

Me and my dad are close. And when I shared him everything I shared on this post, he told me that I'm on the right track.

He shared to me as well that one of my weaknesses is: I plan but I don't execute the plans. Theory without Application.

He also mentioned that, with regards to being a detective, I could put up a private investigative agency, or work in other private investigator agencies without working in the government.

But of course, I need the necessary knowledge before starting that. So, I'm going to study things on UDEMY (not sponsored), and continue reading the Sherlock Holmes books, and most importantly, apply what I learn in any endeavors and projects I have.

As for gaining experience, I dont know yet how to do that, nor do I plan to take up any college course.

But I want to focus on my Circle of Influence: the things within my control. Which is working on my current projects and not worry about what ifs, what nots, the far future, and the negatives that hadn't even happened.

Anyway, there's no point in life if I don't pursue the things I love.

That's all for now. :)

[jaiyemourningstar91]

DONE

Since coming out to two of my, sort of life long friends--two guys who have literally become brother's to me--saved me from self non-existing...you name it. Been there with me through all my ups and downs in life, especially my adult life...all the heartbreaks, depression, etc etc---BUT. Since, coming out to them as queer (a pandemic as I consider myself *pansexual + demisexual*) and becoming more open with them about myself, my beliefs, sexuality, etc. They've kinda been acting different. More judgmental than usual.

Like we built part of our brotherhood based in hard hitting roastings and what have you. No punches pulled at times. So, when I say things are different, this goes beyond all that. And I don't know, maybe it has something to do with us all getting older. We're collectively in or around mid 30s. Life has changed for us in different ways, yet, also remained the same. As our trio has seen them both become rather successful at life and having built lives full of experiences I have never been close to. Traveling to foreign countries, marriage, successful carries, financial stability, decent family, houses with land attached, you know, the finer things in life. As best as one can get in this economy at least...

But me, well, I've always been the overweight loser of the group. Always punching upward trying to break my glass ceiling. Cool, calm, and collected. Gentle giant who always tries to be selfless. Do the right things. You name it. But, in the end, life happens. I've been through the shittiest things. All the bad luck. Everything that could go wrong, has. Bout all that hasn't happened is my own premature burial. I'm at yet another low point having lost my car out of nowhere due to engine failure. Overnight, mind you. No warning signs or anything. Lost a decent paying job, now working only making 11.50 an our at a dollar store. Management at that, which really is a just a glorified cashier to be honest. I was walking to and from, but thankfully I get rides now. Befriended by some people who apparently thought I am a "foodie" because of my weight or me simply saying I enjoy Chinese food? Whatever the case may be, I am thankful for the rides, but I also felt a little insulted. I don't even eat like that. Hell, some days I have to remind myself to. ANYWAY, sidetracked. Back to what this is about.

SO. Today, my 'brothers', well one of them insists I call him. Urgent matters. I'm like, I kinda feel like I know, but BOY did I not know the details exactly until I called.

According to them, they have spoken with their respective spouses, without my knowledge, and decided that I have two options. To move in with one of the two, leave the life I am currently working on, INCLUDING abandoning the love of life, my adopted children (doggos and cats), the friends i have made recently, my job I just started a few months ago, and my roommate too. Like everything I've known after breaking up with my toxic 13 year relationship last year. Scrap it all to apparently come live with either of them and basically pursue the same exact professions they are doing. One is a truck driver. Other is someone who works with mentally challenged children. One I can live rent free until I'm on my feet. The other, I'll have to do things, which weren't disclosed but I am assuming help around house, rent, bills, or something as I find work out there which is like 4 hours away from here. The other is about 2. But yeah...

And the reasoning...

Basically they are tired of me constantly failing at life and not being at the level they have made it to. Saying they think I'm never gonna make it without them at this point. I'll be homeless in my 60s, granted I'll make it that far. No retirement plans. Want me to break up with my boyfriend, without giving me any reasoning behind that by the way. Just straight said, break up, didn't even have the respect to use the right pronouns too, which pissed me the fuck off because I have told them to do so several times now and clearly they aren't taking shit seriously! Like I am really fucking shitty that two people who have been like brothers to me have basically said I'm hopeless, you'll never get anywhere in life unless you pick a path like this some red pill blue pill scenario. And then insinuate that the offer has an expiration as if I'm gonna be left in the fucking dust if I don't accept. Telling me there are no excuses not to pick one of their paths as if my current life has no value at all. As if don't have love here. People who depend on me. Animals too. My own ambitions set out and things I am working towards. Like fuck all that I guess, just so they can turn me into whatever the fuck they are now.

Don't get me wrong. I can see some of the sentiment, but it is the way they come across and the stipulations attached. Like what the actual fuck? And overall, the way they seem to see me now since coming out in general. Like I'm "one of them" which I caught one of them saying before in our group chat, which honestly, these days I hardly pay attention to because most times its just them chatting about all the stuff they do that I can't relate to anyway.

But gawd damn man. I'm baffled and I really think I just need to cut out the new cancer. Cold turkey. The disrespect is real. Sure, they got decent paying jobs, but trust, what goes on in they homes and all the BS they talk about ain't something I want to be around. One married with 6 kids that ain't even his, Grown at that and apparently tearing his new 300k house apart. Go figure. The other has a GF who loves him to death. Brought him into her home. Allowed him to be there while he works on his career. She makes 6 figures a year. Done got him in the same profession. Yet, he saying the moment he gets to where he wants to be, he's just gonna leave her? Really? And also apparently, she got tons of issues too. Like why would I leave the peace I have here?

I have someone in my life for ounce who isn't ripping my heart apart. I have pets. PETS! All my life I thought I was too allergic but turns out, take some allergy pills and I'm mostly ok if I am medicated. Like my life could be better with a better job and a car. Which are things that are on the horizon. It's not hopeless here. A work in progress, yes. But not something to just toss into the fucking void.

AAAAANNNNDDDDD where in the god damn FUCK was this sort of assistance when I NEEEEEDDED IT MOST!!!! I was literally about to be living out of my FUCKING CAR before I moved in where I am now, and neither one of those FUCKERS offered for me to move in or anything! One offered me to take over his apartment he was moving out of, which found out I couldn't offered anyway. That was it. Like...wtf man. All the sudden NOW, you want to be here for me to that degree and then shit on my life and basically say I'll never amount to anything if I don't accept. Homeless at 60. Wow. Fuck me getting a better job, a car, maybe even becoming a published writer, or anything else. As if this economy gonna be any better at that. It is only getting worse. We all gonna end up fucked. Even they still struggling themselves. One too many elaborate trips out the state has them crumbling.

I'm just appalled at this today. Heated. The delivery. The timing. The circumstance. The ultimatum. How I am being made to feel...The shit hurts. Now I gotta take the blade to another connection in my life and sever it. Because I don't want people in my life who apparently don't believe in me. That is the last thing I need. I am trying so fucking hard to turn things around again. It took me 9 of 13 years to finally end a depressive toxic cycle from my ex, and I lost everything because of it. My house, my car, my FUCKING kids! All because I didn't want to continue being with a cheater, a liar, and manipulative bitch! And now, after over 20years, I have to end a brotherhood.

This is why I am introverted and don't make friends anymore. This is why I don't care to date even though I am in an open relationship. People really just end up showing me they ugliness. And I am left hurt. Fuck the sentiment man. Call me worthless, like I haven't come back from the depths of suicidal depression to still be here on my own for the most fucking part. They came in with an assist, but I wouldn't went through with the shit anyway. My kids needed me. They act like they so set for life but they both secretly miserable with their lives and not where they want to be. They can deny that shit all they want to.

The audacity man. I've been through too much and come back from even more, to be considered hopeless.

One these days I'm gonna make it. And when hands are out stretched towards me, they will get nothing. I had always planned to give back to them. Fuck em now. I'll show you worthless.