#not even ten minutes in and it’s over
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Gordon “I smile when things get awkward” Porlock and Warren “I shit when I get anxious” Godby
#I’m killing myself im killing myself im killing myself#not even ten minutes in and it’s over#somebody send help please#red valley#their ship name should be podby#red valley podcast
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you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy
It's my first time here and I'm never coming back
#I wanted to write something long and poetic and meaningful#About how I used to be suicidal#And sometimes still get that way#But still find wonder and joy in things#And have just learned to hold on tighter#But like#It's so much simpler than that#I don't believe in reincarnation#Or an afterlife#But I see things every day that are amazing#Things people can do with their hands#Animals I never could have imagined#New food and skills and art and music#And I just remember#Oh yeah#I'm new here#I've never done this before#The universe is infinite and I'm just a speck#And I'm never gonna be able to see it all even if I tried to#And when I'm dead it'll be too late#It's like having ten minutes in a museum before it gets demolished forever with everything in it#I've never been alive before but now I am and it'll be over soon#I'm never coming back#I'm just a tiny piece that gets to think and feel for a while before it's over#It's my very first time living and I'm never coming back#I'm gonna stop existing soon#I'm not gonna have feelings anymore#So what do I wanna do#What do I wanna see before the lights go out
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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Unpopular almost blasphemous labru opinion time: kabru would so be into getting flavour profiled actually hed be like. Oh citrus notes interesting. And then he'd have a small crisis about not being able to do the same for Laios BUT he can tell him how quickly he would die if he stabbed him in whatever part he's kissing and that's just as sexy
#labru#nsft text#so much fanfic in which laios is like 'oh you taste almost like..' and kabru is like NO and im sorry esteemed scholars i gotta disagree#its an interesting thing to know!#now if you dont want to go to the trouble of describing taste because its a pain in the ass i respect that#wow but ive been talking a lot about laios eating kabru out lately. it has been a very dry pride month over here what can i say#kabru *sucking a mark into laios' tigh* and you see youd think this is safe but actually an important artery passes here#*resting his ear on the spot* i can even hear your heartbeat!!! *big smile* you'd bleed out in ten minutes#laios *harder than hes ever been in his life* what if. what if you stabbed my dick#kabru *still smiling* not yet#laios: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEE
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Here is a link to the Cherokee Nation's official site. Here is the Visit Cherokee Nation youtube channel. Here is a playlist for learning Cherokee (and here's one for learning Ojibwe, as a bonus cause i'm biased). Here is a link to Daybreak Star Radio, which is a radio station based in Seattle dedicated to showcasing international first nations and indigenous music that you can listen to online. Here is a pdf of various recipes, including references to which tribes they originate from. Here is a link to The-aila-test's buy native tag, and here is a link to Beyond Buckskin's buy native list (though some of the links are broken). Here is a link to the Cherokee Phoenix newspaper's official site.
now go take a minute and come back once you've done some research so everybody can stop being weird about Piper.
#pjo#riordanverse#piper mclean#this is directed towards riordanverse fandom but feel free to let this one breach containment#i see so many people draw piper with caricature traits and its like. guys... i thought we left that in 2016... its not hard to not do that!#just. go look at people for ten minutes. just take a minute. just look. at a photo.#also she's cherokee. dont be vague about her being native american. we have specifics. you can say it.#you can put it into a search engine even. and look. and research stuff.#like. Leo? Alex? we dont have specifics. we can make guesses but it's not really specified. Piper is very explicitly specified though.#anyways if i see one more person talk about piper with the phrase ''native enough'' i'm gonna scream#''native enough'' what do you even MEAN that's a WHOLE CONTINENT MY GUY#okay rant over i will retreat into my abyss once more
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Wasted some 45 minutes waiting for a railway replacement bus that never came but at least i looked cute
Incredibly lengthy coord rundown: ♥ JSK and headpiece: Metamorphose ♥ Everything else: offbrand
#mine#lolita fashion#lolita coord#lolita community#egl fashion#egl coord#egl community#metamorphose temps de fille#metamorphose#sweet lolita#the poor jsk went into the wash not even ten minutes after taking these pics bc i spilled food all over it lmao
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i have been a tommy-is-abby’s-tommy truther from the start idc about “ooh well why wouldn’t she know anyone at the 118” or “oooh why wouldn’t she have mentioned her ex was also a firefighter” idgaf it would be so fucking funny and im manifesting that this is one of the bucktommy hurdles let us all join hands in prayer 🙏🏻
#it’s not even buck’s jealousy that jumps out#he’s upset that tommy ended things while abby’s mom was so sick#and how abby took over a year to get over him#(and a little bit that she took seemingly little time to get over buck)#and then he struggles with the ‘you were lying to her’ bc tommy was never attracted to/in love with her#and therefore we have the josh of it all bc josh explains what being in the closet is like#what being queer before the 2020s was like#bc buck was never closeted! he was stuck behind some coats for all of five minutes!#and allyship is not the same.#but josh is in his forties and has been ‘out’ since childhood#tommy was a gay man in the army during don’t ask don’t tell#like fuck i remember how hard it was ten-fifteen years ago when i came out and that in canada#with federal marriage equality and all that jazz#all this to say there are some things buck — who has never really spent time in the closet — has to work to understand#and i think it would be a really compelling first fight/transition from the honeymoon phase#do you see my vision can anyone hear me
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the most tragic thing about aot was mikasa being that obsessed with eren COME ON GIRL
#genuinely had my head in my hands like mikasa you are better than this#i’m fairly neutral eremika i don’t really ship them (i cried over them) but christ. come on mikasa#i do love mikasa my poor girl she is stronger than i’ll ever be but please stop trying to have sex with a bird 😭 your kids are watching 😭#obviously i am joking the entire aot ending was tragic i was crying my eyes out for 40 minutes straight#but not even during season 4 throughout the whole show i was begging mikasa to do something for herself once#and saving eren’s life ten thousand times does not fall under that#zad talks#aot#aot spoilers#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#snk#mikasa ackerman#eren jaeger
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I hope the assholes in my neighborhood who are still shooting off fireworks even though it’s nearly 1:30am have a horrible day tomorrow
#it keeps going quiet for like 10 minutes so I think I’m free#and right as I start to fall asleep BAM!#this has happened nearly ten times now#my dog is freaking out#I’m so angry right now#it’s fucking over its not even the 4th anymore!!!#let people sleep!!!#ramblings
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Since you’re really getting into the world of Jewish music, have you heard of chilik frank ? He’s a chossid who does ashkenaz/Klezmer. My absolute fav song from him is a song called ‘Rabi meir omer’ !
Ughh one thing I love about kletzmer is the emphasis on clarinet so many songs have. It makes me want to pick mine back up and play this by ear...
As well, this is how it feels to play clarinet:
#ask#jumblr#jewish music#when i was first learning clarinet in school we all had a music book and i always gravitated toward playing the jewish or kletzmer-ish song#i didn't know it was kletzmer or jewish but i knew i absolutely LOVED playing that style of music#i have ALWAYS adored how that music style has sounded. deep in my heart i knew i belonged in a kletzmer band#anon thank you <3#i SERIOUSLY need to get my claronet out but i don't know how i'd explain to my family why i'd be playing obviously 'foreign' music#i haven't picked up my clarinet in years........#do reeds expire ....#i love learning songs by playing them by ear. i learned a lot of songs through this and even made claronet parts to songs that don't have i#i'd walk around during marching band practice with my earbud in playing parts over and over. i bet it was annoying to my peers LMAO#my toxic trait was listening to music while marching and playing music (not during comps obviously just during band camp)#it was so bad i listened to one song eight hours a day (more like ten) every day for two weeks#even AFTER band camp i would replay it on my walk to my ex's house. and it was a twenth minute walk or so. it was BAD.#UMMM. apparently reeds DO expire. funny. some of my reeds i used for half a year or more#and these websites are saying to replace them biweekly? no way. no fucking way#i don't care. i'll let my reeds grow a culture of their own if they play well (slight hyperbole)#vandorens are GREAT but they're pricy. i am NOT shelling out my life savings for three reeds
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Anyways, to those who have been wondering what we've been doing during our impromptu Tumblr Vacation or whatever we're calling it, we've been trying to find a playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3 that is made by someone who doesn't annoy the shit out of us, and also tormenting Karlach Cliffgate (as you do)
#we speak#also sleeping. we have slept a lot. being in a school environment is exhausting.#its very hard to remember how much we generally enjoy learning when the environment itself is. that#but on the plus side our shittiest possible 40-minute 1k word essay with eight trillion loose lines we Could have connected#was apparently impressive enough that the people who were meant to be assessing it for If We Could Take The Course#as a preliminary instead just forwarded it as a formal application and it got through#we know we are better at writing and deconstructing that writing than most. however.#christ man there were like a dozen cracks in that essay reasoning and a trillion threads we left dangling#we know that directing you to see what the narrative is focusing on and nothing else is a skill we're good at#but like. this is like if we just shucked a pelt off with no processing and showed it to you. its not even scraped yet.#there are little bits of metaphorical fat and gristle all over the underside of this. you can feel them when picking it up.#we lost the plot of the original prompt halfway through to argue about anthrocentrism. it's messy work.#like its decent prose and if we polished it a bit it could probably be decent within the constraints but it's a 40 minute prompt and sloppy#we tabbed out of the test tab and started writing pokemon fanfiction instead of polishing it. and you think it's impressive?#we know we've spent like more than ten years writing and have read a lot even before that we just forget people have such low standards#...god hopefully this doesnt read as bragging. we are having the experience of like#we get out of the most physically and mentally fatiguing experience we've had for like Years after doing the Bare Minimum to not die#we have been outputting work that is sloppy and we are fully aware of it because we are too tired to put full effort into schoolwork#and we are still getting like. “oh wow this is so good youre so good at making things”#like man. we can do better than this. teacher was like “wow youd be a great script writer” we are good at dialogue but better at descriptio#and we weight. a lot of our capacity for dialogue. in our ability to have cues human people do not have. this will not work well on-screen#also that industry is one of the Many Many Industries that are super mega fucked up rn#and we do not work well with constantly changing expectations#we hope this is a fun glimpse into our current life btw we are finally on break and god. this is great. we can sleep now.
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okay i admit ive only skimmed the first 2 books of asc but your frostpaw means so so much to me she is my sweet darling and i love seeing her on my dash. i think she would love sister cities by hop along 💕 yay
oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I need a second to calm down here I need just a minute just a second. Oh my god she's never looked so perfect she has never looked so sweet... if you go to google.com and image search "angel" this is the first and only thing that will pop up. Oh god! Oh god!!!!!!
#THANK YOU.... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! this is making me so emotional I had to take a few minutes to cover my face with my hands#I'm so sick about it. I'm so sick this is my favorite image in the world I need to put her on my wall... I'm close to tears#frostpaw#I've been staring at this for ten minutes thank you so so much I won't be over this for a long time#I'm not on my phone but if I was I would be bombarding these tags with copious amounts of heart emojis. I'm going to cry#she looks so cute I'm so happy to see her in your perfect style. oh my god................#warrior cats#<- can everybody COME AND LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!#ok i blacked out and didn't even see the hop along you designated for her but i'm listening you're right oh it just keeps getting better#god that's a good one. remaking her playlist and putting this in immediately
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finally watched happiest season and i totally understand why people hated the ending.
except for Jane. she deserves the world.
#like it’s not even about harper not being ready to come out#that’s totally her prerogative#but it doesn’t absolve her for how she treats people around her#first with riley holy fuck - and it’s implied she never even apologised to her in the years after???#with that ‘understanding’ they have towards the end#riley would have been completely within her rights to not accept that menial discussion as water under the bridge#but anyway the way harper also treats abby is downright cruel at times#the bit that got me the most was her gaslighting abby the morning after she was out all night#poor girl was just trying to make sure she wasn’t awfully hungover and gets accused of smothering her??? tf???#i really wanted harper to have something to redeem her but she just didn’t#a great moment for her would have been that chat outside the bar with her ex boyfriend#like she didn’t have to out herself entirely but she could have at least said something#she doesn’t make a single effort until it’s way too late and she got outed (like okay fair that was a horrible thing to happen to her)#but honestly i think abby should have still walked away after it#like ‘i’m happy you can be your true self now but for us it’s over’#abby definitely had far more chemistry with riley (stereotype yayaya idc)#but i don’t think they should have gotten together at the end necessarily#maybe just them deciding to keep in touch or something and THEN it happens later#like in that year forward or something - riley and abby are together and they run into harper who’s happy and moved on idk#ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT JANE#girlypop finally got her moment and i’m so glad they didn’t make out her book was awful just cause she was writing it for ten years#like we saw how good that painting was??#when girly puts her heart in something she’s all in#cause nobody was all in on her AND SHE DESERVES THE WORLD#honestly one of the few good characters and i’m glad she at least got a good ending#also also why you gonna cast aubrey plaza and barely give her any screen time#like pls make it make sense#haven’t gone off like that in tags for a hot minute™️#happiest season
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it feels cosmically unfair that i think about writing all the time want to write all the time and sit down to write all the time and i come up with two sentences at best. there should be some reward system i think
#RAAAAAAAAAA#the thing is i know why i'm stuck it's because i get overly wrapped up in meaningless details of word choice and sentence structure#and i need every word to be perfect before i can move on to the next and that just creates an interminable cycle of being so slow to#progress i feel like even more like a failure and imperfect and respond by being even more intense about it#in spite of the fact that almost no reader is going to look at my work and go hey nice i noticed you used a word with an aesthetically#pleasing number of letters here as opposed to a word ending in t which would have ruined the flow and disgusted me forever#but it's not about the readers i'm the one who reads it and gets disgusted forever#and i know this does not matter but it feels like there is no conceivable way i could write something without it being perfect first try#fucking hilariously i edited the tags of this post for a good ten minutes because the spacing of the words was bothering me so i had to#find words with different lengths as replacements#RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#anyway i'm doing wonderfully#this is about soulmate au i think maybe because it's so important to me i'm especially perfectionistic over it right now#brain can you stop it i'm on my hands and knees#also t is the worst letter invented hands down. no question.
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#it's unbelievable how you can try and try and try for years#how you can give yourself to people a hundred times over#and they won't even notice#how you can make yourself sick trying to make others happy for them to throw it in your face#and they're so self-centered that they don't even notice they've hurt you#you've been my friend for four years#when you left you didn't say goodbye#you said goodbye to nick#which makes sense of course#you were his friend first#but did i really matter so little?#wasn't i worth a ten word message or a two minute phone call?#why am i never enough
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I love the scene in naruto shippuden where Kakashi says "I'm really starting to take a liking to you" not because naruto freaks the hell out but because this implies that for the other like 3 and a half years Naruro knew Kakashi and the 16 years Kakshi knew of Naruto Kakshi just did not like Naruto at all.
#Fic where Kakashi is left to take care of Naruto but instead of treating him better than he was I'm og Kakashi just neglects him#He's 14 and he just lost like everything and the loss of the last two things he had left was basically Narutos fault if you think about it#But see Naruto is a little baby and he loves Kakashi so it's just Narutos undying affection and Kakashi doing the bare minimum#He waves colourful things in front of narutos face for a few minutes then just dips for a few weeks#Left a ryo behind but kakashi is an idiot and left all of his money out which is a lot cause he never really buys anything for himself#Or Naruto#So Naruto takes like all of it for food but then gets robbed by assholes on the street bc of course he does#Kakashi then has to kill some people to get his money back. Ugh!#Kakashis not really even angry at things anymore he's just tired and depressed and that makes Naruto feel even worse#At some point when Naruto is ten he pulls like this massive massive prank to get Kakashis attention#And it's the first time kakashi has felt emotions in forever meaning he got super fucking pissed off#But then after realising he emoted he was like “:0” and then he was in a good mood so he hit naruto over the head#Then they ate some ice-cream together#It starts of really really toxic and horrible and ends toxic and co-dependent#But you don't but you don't notice because it's so much of a better situation than we started at#Naruto#naruto shippuden#naruto uzumaki#Kakashi hatake#And yes#Kakashi does in fact get a hug#He just doesn't want it#kakashi sensei#Theyre probably fine by the time Naruto comes back to konoha w/ Jiriya#Moldy-flowers
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