#not even slightly joking | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

torifuckingspring · 4 months ago

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well damn guess who's having these exact symptoms

#according to google it can only be this anxiety or a lung condition #93% sure s a heart attack #not even slightly joking #well maybe if i don't tell anyone i can die in peace

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jupitercl0uds · 1 year ago

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i should probably stop making jokes about eating inedible things because sometimes i go a bit too far and actually do it. once i ate a post it note. the other day i nearly ate tracing paper. back in 2020 i was addicted to ikea plastic coat hangers (the colourful translucent ones)

#spouting to the void #not even slightly joking #i ate 2 coathangers over a few months and then relapsed in 2021 and ate another #i havent eaten one since but yk

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benevolenterrancy · 27 days ago

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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature

#bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss #sqq #lbh #my art #which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading #and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4 #i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this #i was promised a story with my snake boy #because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS #anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them #i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh #i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels #but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen #though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again #if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story #but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P

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ghost-bxrd · 9 months ago

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Prompt:

Dick and Bruce never had their falling out and Robin passed peacefully from Dick to Jason upon his adoption.

It was harmonious. It was great. Jason didn’t only get a dad out of jacking the batmobile’s tires, he got Dick, too. Some weird cross between goofy older brother and protective mom. Dick and Bruce have an actual fight about which of them gets to legally adopt him.

So when Jason dies and comes back to life, his single minded focus isn’t only on returning to Bruce. It‘s also set on returning to Dick.

Meanwhile, Jason‘s death absolutely destroyed Dick.

And now there’s a madman with a red helmet running the streets of Blüdhaven and Gotham City who thinks it’s okay to call him “mom” and Dick hasn’t been this pissed since he found out about Joker‘s continued survival.

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lady-raziel · 5 months ago

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It’s breached containment please pray for me

#I love the unique internet phenomenon of a post going even slightly outside its intended audience #and immediately coming in contact with people who have never heard of the concept of a joke in their whole lives

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insideparcferme · 2 months ago

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dead wife montage for @oscarcito

#f1 #oscar piastri #op81 #mygifs #(i was not even slightly asked for this gifset but i just couldn't resist the joke)

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egophiliac · 4 months ago

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LEON

LEON YOUR EYEBALLS

#art #ride kamens #ride kamens spoilers #ride kamens episode 14 spoilers #can't believe i made a joke about it being his eye color AND THEN #i did see his updated sprite before i got to 13 but i didn't even notice it at first...#at least he also got a funky little face marking to go with it #shine on you super shitsuji!!!!#anyway I AM FINALLY CAUGHT UP #on main story anyway i haven't played the tower emblem event yet :')#but man i am loving this game #i was not expecting it to be a full-on mystery! with intrigue!#who is lying! who is telling the truth! who THINKS they're telling the truth but isn't!#punctuated by the most delightful nonsense like the unbreakable magic superhero covenants #where you gotta touch rings in the magical wedding chapel dimension that we teleport to sometimes to talk to our dead dad #(OR IS HE???????)#NO IT'S GREAT (and it does make sense in context i just love it)#still 50/50 on yellow beyblade man secretly being our dad but i can't get into theories now i don't have enough tags #man this really has the essence of what i love about rider ❤️#so far i do think agata is my favorite #but then there's leon...#let me put it this way: i would tell agata a hard truth about himself if i thought he needed to hear it #but there is no amount of money in the world you could pay me to say anything even slightly mean to our sweet leon #LET 👏 HIM 👏 HENSHIN 👏#WAIT SHOOT is it too late to redo my survey answers i need to demand that i be able to put hats on leon

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francy-sketches · 6 months ago

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sorry I got posessed by the wattpad demon I'm normal now (lying)

+alt version that didnt fit the #aesthetic but it better represents my #vision of them ^_^ hashtag couplegoals

#I am not immune to 'she can fix him'-ism. jk that's not why I like them #got #game of thrones #joffrey baratheon #margaery tyrell #my art #sorry 2 the marg fans I haven't drawn her in so long and this is what I give you. if it makes you feel better I'm also disappointed #ok jokes aside im actually really happy w the like. messy scrapbook vibe it was so fun :3 I need to do it more ^o^#I'm so jealous of people who fill up their canvas like this n I finally did it yipeee #whats their ship name btw is it just a slightly misspelled version of one of their names that would be funny. does anyone even ship them #...I know what this looks like but um ackchually I like them in a ironypilled divorcecel way. it's different -_-#and I also like drawing them being cute but um its because ☝ um. well its fun :3

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violent138 · 11 days ago

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I think Robin and Batgirl frequently accompany Battinson to crime scenes, and the first time they actually manage to draw a laugh out of him in public, the room goes silent. All the cops look more spooked than they have in hours with the dead body on the floor, while Jim tells the other cops to give them some room and seriously asks Batman if he's doing okay.

#Battinson lectures them the entire drive back in the Batmobile while Barbara laughs herself silly requoting her dad and Martinez (who made #the sign of the cross and shot Batman the filthiest look yet)#Robin keeps repeating the joke while a slightly panicked and highly outraged Battinson tries telling Alfred what happened and Alfred starts #laughing (it's not even half as funny as Bruce's reaction)and Bruce is done with all of them #and logs onto a 36 hour straight patrol to cope #batman #battinson #batgirl #robin #dick grayson #the batman 3 #coming to theatres near you in 75 years #personal #bruce wayne #batfamily

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sualne · 2 years ago

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siblings things

#trigun #vash the stampede #millions knives #trigun stampede spoilers #my art #my comic #saw the ep and thought 'yknow what? unangst your brothers. sillies only' ive many thoughts about these two. also i finally manged to put #the vache joke somewhere ive been thinking about it ever since i read it. slightly unrelated but im still waiting for these two to refer to #the plants as 'sisters' like. i dont even call them plants i just call 'the sisters' why arent they calling their sis their sis. man

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inkskinned · 1 year ago

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we used to dye our tongues on purpose using kool-aid and i stood in the sprinklers with the grass already so muddy it was starting to do that thing where your lawn is now quicksand

i think i want to kiss you because you remind me of smoothing out the chalk drawing with gentle fingers. of anthills and feeding birds our leftover lettuce. of getting covered in briars while we picked blueberries from the backyard bush. i think i want to kiss you because it's a bad idea, and i think i want to kiss you because of how water grips the side of a pitcher of iced tea.

you said your life was a toddler's art piece, with paint splatted on your floor, in your mouth, in your hair. i was delighted by that.

i loved the idea of leaving color everywhere.

#you shook your hair back from your eyes like it was a joke but your hand shook while you poured me wine #i think about those two kinds of shaking #the body keeps the score huh. even when you're laughing:#your head ever-so-slightly was shaking itself in a silent little ''no''#writeblr #warm up #summer lovin' had me a [ mistake ]

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leverage-ot3 · 11 months ago

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I’ve talked about this before but imagine what it’s like for someone in a country/place where eliot is Top Most Wanted and then your tech guy finds a breakout star baseball player on their visual scanner that looks EXACTLY like spencer. but…there’s no way that’s him, right???

and then the next year it happens again but this time it’s some one hit wonder country singer kenneth crane that has like 78 tween-run fangirl blogs dedicated to him. you see a grainy video of him being chased by a horde of screaming teenage girls and ??? no way Eliot Last Thing You’ll Ever See Spencer is a country singer star just. signing pictures of his face right…?

a few months later your intern shows you footage of an eliot lookalike who is in san lorenzo talking about how there is dog fighting in the presidential palace and you just. sigh. because of course. a scant few days later the political geography of the country changes drastically and damien moreau is imprisoned. …interesting

and then a year of silence goes by. he still shows up as blips on the radar but he must have a good hacker working for him because his tracks on the internet are expertly erased.

every time you ask through interagency channels some random interpol guy talks in (condescending?) riddles at you and it also somehow feels like he’s threatening you

and then your friend who recently got into foreign hockey teams sends you a dropyourgloves video of someone called jacques the bear. you immediately get a headache (and watch some more videos because even you can admit this guy is a good hockey player)

and you know he’s a Bad Guy but it’s been admittedly a bit entertaining seeing what claim to fame he will come upon next. and his most recent actions over the few years make you wonder.

a few months later your phone pings because multiple heads of state evacuated from DC. the reason? eliot spencer was in town. you hear two days later a bioterrorist was taken down by… the report was redacted. your hacker tells you spencer and two teammates were behind the successful operation. which, huh.

not even a full year later it is released that spencer is dead and… you don’t know how to feel.

#sorry this turned kinda angsty I just think eliot famousaliases spencer is a great reoccurring joke #eventually an indeterminate amount of months later you see him pop up again and you breathe #at this point all the intel you’ve gotten points that he’s actually doing something good with his life #like he’s changed. and you know he’s a bad guy but he’s doing things that nobody else is really capable of doing. making changes on large #and small scales #he will face consequences eventually you are sure. but his tracks are so well covered already and he’s so slippery so maybe. maybe you just #don’t make your agents work so hard to track him down #you get to know sterling a bit better (and maybe understand him a bit better too)#sterling invites you to an off the books lunch at this brewpub in portland when you’re in the states. the head chef looks familiar #it’s the best food you’ve ever tasted. because OF COURSE it is #at this point you’re not even angry. or resigned anymore. you’re slightly impressed #anyways that’s how sterling’s leverage club gains another member #(mcsweeten was the second member btw. if you’ve seen my other posts)#eliot spencer #eliot spencer meta #headcanons #humor #leverage #jim sterling #(mentioned)#the studio job #the blue line job #the three strikes job #ficlets #mine #a post not on my queue??? more likely than you think #I should make a tag for in universe pov posts #into the leverage verse #headcanons in the tags #the rundown job

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kairithemang0 · 7 months ago

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Really long sigh T’noy Caraxis

It’s too early for this

#starkid #Enjoy my shit editing #I was too lazy to make something that’s even slightly decent #hatchetfield #team starkid #tnoy karaxis #tinky #This is actually so dumb #Someone has made this joke before right??? Like I refuse to believe this hasn’t been done before

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suja-janee · 8 months ago

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This is kinda relating to my last post but I think some of you are mistaking Shen for an albino peacock.. cause he’s not

I mean, I don’t really blame you if you mistook him as one cause honestly I’m just a weirdo who reads wikis.

(skip everything and just read the bottom if you don’t wanna read my explanation)

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Shen is a peacock with leucism, not albinism.

(Leucism definition on the left, albinism on the right)

Here’s him compared to an actual albino peacock. As you can see, the albino has a pink and white pigmentation due to a lack of melanin, whereas Shen despite being mostly white is still full of color.

(And no, it’s not because it’s a silly cartoon. The creators of KFP had originally intended to make him albino to make him look “sickly” which would explain why he was neglected by his parents. They made the decision to scrap that in favor of having him be a peacock with leucism so there was no excuse or tragic backstory to justify his entitlement and actions)