#not even mentioning his racist casting for the films like fuck me running for a ''new zealand made film'' none of it has any essence

[andromedasummer]

the problem i have with lord of the rings is that as long as it continues to be a cash cow for peter jackson he stays relevant and continues to be the massive cunt he is. fucking twisting the arm of the government alongside warner bros to remove union protection for film workers. bolstering his mates cv by convincing people to vote for him as our mayor only for him to do fuck all to help out and bounce to take a cushy job in our hard-right govt. bitch and moan and use his money to prevent projects in lyall bay because he doesnt want more houses to ruin his property value when we're in a fucking housing crisis. hate that bitch and his mediocre films.

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - LADY IN THE WATER

IMDB BLURB: Apartment building superintendent Cleveland Heep rescues what he thinks is a young woman from the pool he maintains. When he discovers that she is actually a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make the journey back to her home, he works with his tenants to protect his new friend from the creatures that are determined to keep her in our world.

WARNINGS: M. Night Shyamalan tries to act, minor injuries, racial stereotypes, a lot of a woman being mostly naked

RATING: 2 scrunts and a moist scringo

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: *heavy sigh* I hate this movie so so deeply. With an ass clenching passion. I hate this movie like I love girl scout cookies. I don't understand how they took such an amazing cast and turned it into this complete ass disaster of a film.

Biscuits: I've never seen this, so I don't know. Oh my god Larry (our skeleton) scared the shit out of me! Munch can't have alchohol but I'm having alcohol!

M: So the movie opens with some bullshitty shit mythology that Night pulled straight out of his asshole. It's not cohesive, it makes no sense and it doesn't even really set up a base for this absurdity.

B: This is like the opening of watership down but sort of vaguely aboriginal australian looking. Maybe it's just supposed to be generic ancient looking. Ah yes, wolves, the natural enemy of water sprites.

In the beginning, the great Frith created the world...

M: The mythology doesn't even make sense in the current era of things. Being the early 2000's in the movie. So here we are with Mr....Heep. Everything is named so stupidly. He's a plumber or a landlord or something and he's murdering a rat or something while the tenants scream ten times. I can't tell if this is supposed to be funny or not.

B: My brother with a spider in the bathroom. "It was small and bad!"

M: we are introduced to a number of colorful and not at all racist characters.

B: Is this racist?? It feels racist, like they told her to sound more asian. Speak in broken english. Isn't Night Indian??

M: Yeah.

B: Come on! Asian on asian racism!

M: and here's Reggie. My boy deserved better. Reggie has one huge arm. For reasons that are never really explained. He works out only on one side of his body. Because...

B: Good to see the Charger from Left 4 Dead 2 is keeping busy.

M: And a crew of random smokers who will become strangely relevant even tho they're never given names.  And some film critic dude.

B: Damn is that my room? I feel called out. They hired me to be a local film critic for tumblr! I'm very smart and all my criticisms are right! I guess there's a war going on?

M: You remember the great war of...2006? So Mr. Heep is out by the pool and a naked chick just stole his keys. She is not human. She is....a narf. No that's really what she's called. He goes in after her because he thinks she drowned or some shit and sloshes around sadly and gets out.

B: And falls back in? They made it look very convincing. He wakes up and the floor is wet, been there. There's a WOMAN. Staring creepily at him.

M: But she had enough sense to get dressed and she speaks English. She asks him if he feels an awakening, which isn't at all weird.

B: This movie is weird. The woman's name is Story. It's like a metaphor or something.

M: It's pretentious bullshit!

B: Take a clue, Lady, he's not interested in your magical vision quest and you can get the fuck out of this apartment. She’s not a kid! that's a grown ass woman! Why did you mention her being a ‘kid’ and then have all this weird almost sexual implication with her and be all weird touchy feely? You couldn't put pants on the supposed child??

M: Man wakes to weird lady in his apartment, just rolls with it.

B: Probably assumes she's just another crackhead.

M: And now the grass wolf. Which is after Story for reasons. So they run back inside, was he just gonna throw her in the pool again?? He tries to describe the grass wolf to a pest control dude but he just sounds bonkers. Which anyone would because there's a crackhead pool lady and a grass wolf and this dude is just trying to maintain these apartments. Story discovers his shower. Mr. Heep wants information on the narf which he isn’t getting because they were made up for this movie.

B: He has the least convincing stutter ever.

M: He goes to the racist caricature lady's racist caricature mom who tell him about the narf which is like a sea nymph.

B:  I like how she's translating before her mom even stops talking.

M: More alchohol?? You're gonna pass out before this is over.

B:  I'm just...bringing it out here. In case I want more. She'll bring a great eagle? but why??

M: THE CHILD IN YOUR APARTMENT IS NAKED, HEEP. He's trying to solve this...mystery? Story is looking for someone? But we know absolutely nothing else.

B:  But he's just staring at the naked child. this is so icky, I don't like it. Maybe if they hadn't emphasized how young she was? Maybe don't have her have this weird almost romantic tension with an old guy?

M: So Mr Heep has to go around his weird apartment complex and try to find this magical person by interviewing the very colorful tenants. Like old butterfly lady, weird writer guy, one arm buff dude, overly attentive small child and wordsmith dad, room full of smoking dudes, and the worst part is that this cast of weirdos has the propensity to be so amazing and intense and make a just off the wall madcap story but alas....

B: Damn I remember when my dad told me not to put my clothes in the garbage disposal.

M: Your dad wouldn't do that.

B: My dad would put his clothes in the garbage disposal. Why is this character so racist? You know she can talk just fine, why is she referring to herself in third person?? It has to be exotic I guess? Some ethnic woman needs to impart the mythical story. Meanwhile Story is getting into stuff, and still not wearing pants.

M: and introducing M. Night in his own movie! So cool! So not self aggrandizing! So not narcissistic! He's a writer! Who doesn't do laundry.

B: m. night's self insert oc.

M: This is the worst part, is that this character becomes the super important linchpin of this whole dumb story.

B:  Okay Story....that's a good way to get exposition out, just have a character say it AT you. Just tell Mr. Heep exactly what the plot is.

M: Mr Heep thinks he's solved the mystery but since the movie is not over, he hasn't. He brings Night in to talk to Story because apparently he's the mystical writer dude except he just gets anxiety and leaves. This dialogue is so weird.

B:  Just sounds like Mr Heep is inviting him for a threesome. Mr Heep is just gonna keep his pet woman around. He's like Tom Bombadil, just keeping some random elf woman in his place. Also not being really relevant to anything.

M: He can't let Story go back in the apartments pool because there's a grass wolf and rules. Thank you for letting me wear your beautiful shirt.

B: He couldn't let her wear any of his beautiful pants tho. I just don't get why she has to be mostly naked all the time in this context?? I don't understand it. So I guess she just went back to live in the pool?? Okay? Something happened, she's upset and she's been scratched.

M: Grass wolf in slow mo! It's not safe! She gon' die now because grass wolf scritches are deadly to...narfs. So they brought her to M. Night's place. Like you do. His sister assumes Mr. Heep is banging her.

B: Who wouldn’t?! He's actually been respectful though. I wish I could look at a naked woman and just start writing again, is that what I'm missing?

M: It works for me. Now we gotta consult the stereotypes for more lore.

B: Scrunt?? (laughs) Scrunt.

Scrunt.

M: Yeah that's the grass wolf. They gotta find a way to stop it so she can run the 12 feet to the pool and be safe again.

B: Okay the lore gets thicker.....now's there's tartutics??

M: And rogue scrunts.

B: Is this supposed to be an allegory for Mr. Heep gradually writing the story himself? Mr Heep swum to a skyrim temple full of random garbage in his pool. Every pool has one. He's gotta find...something. Why is there an air bubble in the cup? The set design is atrocious. He can also hold his breath for a shocking amount of time.

M: They always can in movies.

B: He's found secret air bubbles stashed there just for him? And a butter knife to get this ancient stone door open. He just exhaled a ton so my man is suffocating right now.

M: Nah he's fine and he found the secret thing. this racist exposition shit is so tiring. Now they want Mr Heep to pretend to be a kid to unlock the super secret lore even though he just learned most of it from the asian caricature chick.

B: I guess I assumed because her name is Story it was a metaphor for a story? If I wrote a metaphor about writing it would be like a fucking brain parasite like Venom or some shit that takes over your brain and makes you write about sex rabies. I wouldn't write about SCRUNTS.

M: That's oddly specific. More weirdly inappropriate almost romance between Story and Mr. Heep. She could have told him all this from the get go.

B: No we needed like three scenes of him just getting expositioned all over.

M: God I hate this movie. I hate M. Night's acting and his self important self insert fucking wannabe important fucking bullshit. He'll become a great leader and you'll save the WHOLE WORLD, BIG BOY AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE YOU!

B: The man who read your book will grow up to be Donald Trump.

M: And now Mr. Heep is back with asian gramma who is gonna tell him the rest of this super secret fucking wtf ever story about shit nobody's ever heard of but is apparently huge in her culture.

B: Asian mom's face right there is my mood for this whole movie. Oh Story’s not allowed to talk about her world but we don't know why.

M: I love how everyone else in the apartment complex just goes along with all of this. Like oh sure fine, she's a narf and there's a grass wolf and no big deal. So now there's a whole bunch of people we gotta find. Symbolist, guardian, guild, and a healer. And honestly this shit is so obvious and why would all these people only live in this apartment complex??

B: They've been drawn there...you know...by the universe....

M: These are so obvious, it's not the dad. It's his kid. The smokers. The butterfly lady, and now we're getting fucking meta by talking to the critic dude

B: I really hate it when most things get meta, it's super self referential and it's hard to do right and it's almost never good. Oh whatever, this is dumb. We've got everyone gathered together now to look at the naked woman in the shower while crossword dad tries to solve this shit.

M: Story stares blankly at everyone while they plan a party around a sense of smell. But the eagle won't show up to take her back or whatever.

B: We didn't have the budget to animate the giant eagle so it's not gonna show up for us. Also that's now how a sense of smell works. That guy kinda looks like Griffin McElroy.

M: He does! How does one practice on a scrunt?

B: First...gently spread the legs apart and then uh...just get in that scrunt.

M: The lore is getting so intense, you gotta walk backwards towards the scrunt and say magic words.

B: I like how she can't talk about her world but suddenly she can because she can tell him how to fight the scrunt?? And she's getting VERY detailed. What are the rules?? Why is now a JG scrunt??

M: Mr. Heep is dead! No he's fine. The film critic dude is here now.

B: He just watched the Notebook and had the same review I did. Overrated as hell.

M: You've seen The Notebook?

B: No. Where's the justice? Where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods? Where's the streeeetwise-

M: NO you are not singing the entire song.

B: I'm trying to entertain myself. This movie's pretty bad. Oh Mr Heep's family was murdered? That's kind of an important plot point!

M: M. Night is still milking this poor naked woman for every inch.

B: Don't use the world milking. Obviously you must think you're special, you gave yourself a starring role in your movie. What the fuck did he write that was so impressive they're gonna kill him over it?! He's M. Night Shyamalan. The Communist Manifesto? I like how Story has no agency in this story either, she's just an object. He could have found a magic orb or the amulet of Gringledoof and it wouldn't have changed anything.

M: She's literally a sexy lamp and it annoys me SO MUCH. She just randomly throws out exposition every now and again and then just stares at things.

B: The other narfs in narf school laughed at me! Every time I talked to the scringlebungles they threw hoopjabs at me! That's not real but it could have been. My moist scringlo left me.

M: So they went ahead with the party idea even though they figured out they got all this shit wrong?? Or maybe they think they only got part of it wrong? Also Story is dying. But it's cool because there's a giant party and they're gonna toss her in the pool where the eagle is gonna come and grab her or something?

B: this feels like it was based on a dream but not in the way that you kind of fill in the blanks to make it make sense? Like “Jimmy was the president and my dog was Keanu Reeves”. M Night's sister was using a mirror to find the scrunt. I just go out to a bar. This party stinks, there's not even any music. And the dumb guys left their post so the scrungly is gonna come.

M: Now a series of incredible coincidences and happenstance that will somehow prevent Story from getting in the pool! The music won't start! the smokers took off! The scrunt is dragging story through the grass! She's got MORE scratches! Which are lethal.

B: The scrunt is super lethal but all it can really do is leave scratch marks on your calves. Wait is the butterfly lady not the healer?

M: No she is, they got that one right. I think.

B: Wow 18 across is ‘scrunkly's fucking dead’!

M: I'm gonna...wait.....is that Jared Harris!?! I'm gonna get scrunkly and scrunt confused.

B: We gotta have the third act conflict. It's not really movie critic's fault, he didn't pick the people out. M. Night just wanted to frame the critic as the bad guy because critics are BAD and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

M: they're still trying to find the fucking interpreter. it's the kid. What a fucking twist. He can read cereal boxes. Seven sisters?

B: There aren't even seven female characters in this movie. What is this fucking side plot about M. Night's character??! It's not really even threaded into the other plot.

M: and now suddenly we know who everyone is because the kid told us. Why is this party still going on?!? There's no music or anything and people are just hanging out this whole time?? Now there's a storm, for effect. Nothing makes any sense at this point because we've just introduced like seven new characters who were barely established earlier in the movie. For the sake of having a twist or something. Now the interpreter kid says he got it all wrong AGAIN. And mr. Heep is the healer after all I guess.

B: they could have had the butterfly land on him for like a second just to hint at this better. Larry scared me again. he doesn't like this movie either. "I think this movie is PISS!"

M: Larry sounds like Skeletor??

B: Well he's a skeleton!

M: Can we get to where something happens again?

B: Is this like an allegory for him losing his family now?? Him crying over her? I keep forgetting that's a thing. Her name is SKRUNKLY, she's just a crackhead who showed up in my pool. I didn't know the cure for death was crying. Doctors hate him.

M: Local man invents backstory, cures pool crackhead. Who is now blonde?!?

B: He found a woman in his pool, what happens next will amaze you!

M: Scrunts?! In MY vagina? It's more likely than you think!

B: And then the missing person investigation for the critic who got eaten. And they're like - there was a lady in the pool and he got eaten by a scrunt and an eagle came and they'll be like - okay time to go to a nice room with padded walls. The scrunt approaches. I just like saying scrunt.

M: So everyone is outside, it's raining, Story Scrunkle is fine now, but they gotta kill the scrunt and that's bad cgen for 2006, and Charger Reggie with the giant arm is the guardian after all of this and he paralyzes the scrunt by looking lovingly in it's eyes.

B: He casts Hold Scrunt.

M: And there's an eagle noise but he broke eye contact! But the tree guys are here, the t something justice enforcers, and they drag the scrunt off - like you do.

B: Because he broke the law? I feel like the monkey guys were utterly unnecessary. They could have just had Reggie kill it. And talon flame comes to carry Scrungly back off to her world I guess.

We only see this in the reflection bc the budget.

M: I don't understand why she came out of the pool and then had to be carried off by a giant eagle when they spent the whole movie trying to get her back in the pool.

B: No it was uh...she uh...she....no that wasn't her world, she was just staying in the pool.

M: Hotel pool.

B: The creatures were designed by someone named Crash McCreary which is pretty badass.

M: That was Jared Harris what the FUCK.

B: Second unit designer - BRICK MASON, that is not a real name. Doug Jones!

M: Well I mean...what hasn't Doug Jones been in? So anyway....this movie could have been anything. It could have been a whimsical adventure, a fun comedy, a clue style mystery, but it is absolutely none of those. It's treated far too seriously when it shouldn;t be and far too comedically when it should be serious. I hate this movie. I hate M. Night for being in this movie. I hate him for taking such a brilliant cast and making them do this movie.

B: Double tap now if you'd scrunkly the when.

M: Munch and Biscuits fucking scrunkling OUT, yo. 

[the-desolated-quill]

Why Spider-Man Leaving The MCU Is The Best News I’ve Heard In Ages - Quill’s Scribbles

Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Did you hear the news? I’d be surprised if you didn’t. EVERYONE has heard the news by now. A couple of days ago it was reported that the deal between Marvel and Sony that allowed the two studios to share custody for the rights of Spider-Man has fallen through. Spider-Man is no longer going to be part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Speaking as someone who is not only a big Spider-Man fan, but also a very vocal critic of the current state of Marvel and Disney’s cynical and convoluted ‘shared universe’, this caused quite a reaction when I first heard the news. I’m as happy as a man who just found out his high school crush likes him back on the same day he won the lottery. Happy, but not surprised. In fact I’m more surprised that other people were surprised by the news. The deal Marvel and Sony managed to strike was almost unheard of. Two rival movie studios in mutual cooperation. Never thought I’d see the day. But if you thought this was going to be the new norm, then I’m afraid you don’t understand this industry. I knew, or at least suspected, that once Sony had a hit on their hands, they’d cut ties with Marvel and Disney. It was only a matter of time. Now that Spider-Man: Far From Home has made over a billion dollars at the box office and now they have found success with their own non-MCU films, Venom and Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, the simple fact of the matter is they don’t need Marvel or Disney anymore. So they’ve flown the coop. Yes it’s possible they could renegotiate the deal, but given how unlikely the prospect of the initial deal was in the first place, I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. It’s more likely they’re going to take their ball and go home. Sony’s Universe Of Marvel Characters (despite its incredibly clunky name) is now going to be firmly built upon and expanded, and I for one could not be more excited.

Of course not everyone shares my excitement. Disney, for one thing, aren’t happy. Nor are the cast. Jeremy Renner has made his views clear, begging Sony to give the rights to Spidey back. (Perhaps he should focus more on his own character Hawkeye, considering what a mess he’s become). Die hard MCU fans aren’t pleased neither. Same goes for ‘celebrity’ fans like Kevin Smith, a filmmaker who preferred to be called a comic book expert on the Venom Blu-Ray bonus features presumably because he hasn’t actually been relevant as a filmmaker since the 90s. (it’s worth reading his thoughts just for a laugh. He honestly thinks Disney aren’t greedy, corporate bastards. ROFL). And of course the so-called ‘professional’ critics, who for years have deluded themselves into thinking the MCU is actually good, have been writing their own little think pieces about what all this means. Can Spider-Man possibly survive without Iron Man and pals to prop him up? To which the answer is obviously yes. Sony had the rights to Spidey for fourteen years before the Marvel deal. They made five Spider-Man movies, four of which were massive box office successes. They also released Venom and Spider-Verse last year. Both hugely successful and the latter even won an Oscar, which is one more Oscar than Marvel Studios have ever won (sorry Black Panther. You were robbed).Can Spider-Man survive outside the MCU? Gee I don’t know. I guess somehow Sony will find the strength to soldier on without them.

Although, that being said, there’s not as many journalists siding with Disney as I thought there would be. There are quite a few articles explaining how this split could help Spidey in the long run, which is both absolutely true and refreshing to see. Hopefully this is a sign that we’re finally turning a corner and critics are starting to use their brains again. Like how everyone worshipped the ground Steven Moffat walked on until Sherlock Series 4 where everyone realised that he’s actually shit and has always been shit. 

Spider-Man leaving the MCU is the best thing you could do for the character at this stage. The way he’s been treated since joining the Marvel clusterfuck has been nothing short of appalling. I’ve made it no secret how much I detest this version of Spider-Man and some might dismiss what I’m about to say out of hand, perhaps claiming I’m biased because I’ve said numerous times that I love The Amazing Spider-Man films starring Andrew Garfield. Two films I will go to my grave defending because they were bloody good movies. People were just butt hurt because it wasn’t Spider-Man 4. Never mind the fact that the original Sam Raimi films were never that good to begin with (seriously, have any of you actually watched Spider-Man 2 recently? Trust me. It’s not as good as you remember it). No, I promise you that if MCU Spidey existed in a vacuum, I would still hate him just as much for the simple reason that he has absolutely nothing in common with the source material. Under the watchful, Orwellian eye of Marvel, they took Spider-Man, a character most famous for being a working class everyman, and turned him into the most spoilt and privileged little bum-balloon I’ve ever seen.

Spider-Man: Homecoming was a terrible movie. Plain and simple. A cynically produced, written by committee, pile of wank that gets so much of Spidey’s character and story completely wrong, it’s almost impressive. No longer a teenager/young adult struggling to balance his superhero life, his school work, his career and his social life, instead we got a groomed Mary Sue who doesn’t have to fight for anything because everything is basically handed to him on a silver platter courtesy of Iron Man. We never see him struggle. He’s not relatable. He never has to face consequences for his actions. He misses God knows how many classes and debate group meetings and yet he never gets punished for it. Sure he gets sent to detention a couple of times, but we see him leave whenever he bloody wants to. It’s just boring. If there’s no struggle, where’s the tension? And the less said about the villain, the better. Taking an eccentric antagonist like the Vulture and turning him into the stereotypical blue collar dad trying to provide for his family has got to be one of the most uninspired and blatantly lazy bits of characterisation I think I’ve ever seen. And that’s not to mention the supporting cast. Aunt May is youthed for no reason other than to make sexist jokes at her expense with every man that comes within her general vicinity staring at her with their tongues hanging out and eyes as large as saucepans. Minor villains like Shocker and the Tinkerer have their characters reduced to unfunny comedy sidekicks. And then there’s Peter Parker’s gang of racial stereotypes. We have Peter’s best friend, the fat and nerdy Ned who has no real personality other than being fat and nerdy (and is without a doubt the most annoying character in the damn film). Flash has been racebent so now he’s the stereotypical arrogant Asian prick. Michelle has no character other than being the same sassy black teenager who don’t give a shit, a caricature so old now it’s practically been fossilised. And then there’s the love interest Liz, a character so bland and one dimensional that I had to look her name up. Oh and lets not forget that the majority of this Spider-Man’s story was nicked from Miles Morales because people are only going to empathise with his story if it revolves around a white kid, am I right?

You know, I get so frustrated whenever people slag off the Amazing Spider-Man movies and claim that these new movies are better because... well... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I’m sorry, but I was much more invested with Peter and Gwen than I ever was with Peter and... what’s her face? Or Peter and Michelle (who I categorically refuse to call MJ because she’s not MJ, is she? They just used the initials to pander to gullible fans. They didn’t have the guts to just make Mary Jane Watson black, did they? Of course not! We don’t want to alienate the casual racists, do we? They’re our main demographic after all). The reason why Peter and Gwen worked is because they’re well-written, three dimensional characters with great chemistry and whom we actually spend a significant amount of time getting to know. So when Gwen dies at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, it becomes a heart wrenching moment because we’ve grown invested in this character and this relationship. If Michelle were to die in a future movie, I honestly wouldn’t bat a fucking eyelid. Even Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst had more chemistry than those two, and that relationship was a total shambles from start to finish.

It also helps that Peter and Gwen felt like real people. I loved the scene in the first movie where Peter awkwardly asks her out because it reminded me so much of how I asked my first girlfriend out. And that’s why I love the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Because out of all the Spidey films we’ve had over the past 17 years, the Amazing ones are the only ones in my opinion that manage to capture the humanity of the character. As fantastical as the world is, the characters, their relationships and their dilemmas are grounded firmly in reality. Homecoming on the other hand is just embarrassing. Despite casting teenage actors, none of the teenagers actually act like teenagers. They act like five year olds. It’s painfully obvious that the filmmakers are trying to pander to young kids and they clearly don’t know how to write them. Again, this is where the Amazing movies stands head and shoulders above the others. They’re not treated like kids or teenagers. They’re treated like people. Real people. Same goes for the villains. (Yes, even Electro, despite wonky execution).

But the main criticism people have with MCU Spidey is that these films aren’t actually about Spidey. They’re really about the MCU mascot Iron Man.

Now to be clear, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the idea of Iron Man being a surrogate father figure to Spidey. It could work. Captain America: Civil War, despite the clunky and contrived way in which Spidey was introduced to the MCU (oh you just happened to know about a masked vigilante we haven’t seen or heard of until now Tony? Okay. What about Daredevil and Luke Cage?... What do you mean they’re not in the movie?), did a good job of setting up the dynamic. Namely that Tony doesn’t actually care about Peter or his well being, merely using him for his own ends. Unless Americans have some kind of ‘Bring Your Child To A Warzone Day’  I don’t know about. 

Despite its flaws, Civil War was good because it gave us an unsettling look at the characters we’ve been watching for years. We see Captain America consumed by his own naivety and idealism to the point where he can no longer see the bigger picture and we see Iron Man go from being an industrial capitalist to an authoritarian fascist. Homecoming could have followed up on that. Have Spidey realise that Tony doesn’t have his best interests at heart, reject him as a father figure and grow into his own man. Instead the movie seems to go out of its way to undo all the interesting things Civil War brought to the table. Of course Tony cares about Peter! Oh and his relationship problems with Pepper Potts have been magically fixed off screen and now they’re getting married! Relax people, it’s okay! Nothing morally complicated going on here! We apologise for assuming you’re actually intelligent and promise never to make you think about anything ever again!

Not only is this quite insulting to the audience, it also negatively impacts Spidey’s arc. Turns out the movie isn’t about Spider-Man becoming his own man. It’s about him proving he can be an Avenger. He’s constantly in the shadow of Iron Man and, more to the point, we’re supposed to be happy that he’s in the shadow of Iron Man.

Again, this is where the Amazing Spider-Man gets it right. The first movie is very much about father figures. Uncle Ben, Curt Connors and Gwen’s dad all play a role in Peter’s growth and development over the course of the film. He’s able to take all the lessons and advice he gets from the three and use them to become his own man. As director Marc Webb so eloquently put it, ‘it’s a story about a kid who grows up looking for his father and finds himself.’ Compare that to the current iteration of Spidey where Uncle Ben doesn’t even appear to exist in this continuity because he’s been completely supplanted by Iron Dad. Remind me again why people think the Amazing movies are shit?

The latest film, Spider-Man: Far From Home, is no better. Same problems as before only this time Mysterio gets MCU’d to death. Instead of the pathetic loser trying desperately to receive recognition for his talents, we basically get a rehash of the plot from Iron Man 3, which in turn was a rehash of the plot from The Incredibles. Mysterio is basically trying to supplant Iron Man because he got screwed over when he used to work for Stark, and it’s up to everyone’s favourite wall-crawler to stop him because there’s only room in this universe for one Iron Boy. Even when Iron Man is dead, he’s still front and centre of the fucking narrative. Here’s a bright idea. How about we make a Spider-Man film that’s actually, you know, about Spider-Man? (Oh yeah, spoiler alert, Iron Man dies in Avengers: Endgame. Not that it’s really spoiling anything because Endgame is a big piece of shit).

Here’s the thing. Everyone is blaming Sony for the deal breaking down, and okay, I’m not going to pretend that Sony aren’t cynical. As much as I love The Amazing Spider-Man movies, I’m well aware the only reason they exist is because Sony desperately wanted to keep the rights. They spent a stupid amount of money on The Amazing Spider-Man 2 to the point where it needed to make a billion dollars at the box office in order to make a decent profit (a feat only achieved at that time by Batman with The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises) and they crammed loads of characters and plot points into an already overstuffed movie in order to rush out their own shared universe to compete with Marvel. When that didn’t work, they went crawling to Marvel and Disney in the hopes that the MCU could bail them out of the shit. I get it. There’s plenty to criticise. But for the likes of Kevin Smith and other idiots to only blame Sony and defend Marvel is really quite galling to me because Marvel and Disney are just as cynical, if not more so.

Does anyone here actually know what the deal was? Basically the agreement was that Kevin Feige would get lead producer credit for any solo Spider-Man films and Marvel and Disney would get five percent of the cut. Meanwhile Spider-Man would be allowed to appear in any MCU film. Also, because Sony still hold the rights to the character, they get the final say on any creative decision regarding Spider-Man. Or at least that’s the theory anyway. In reality that wasn’t the case. Reportedly Marvel and Disney were so anal about keeping the plot of Avengers: Endgame a secret that they didn’t tell the screenwriters of Spider-Man: Far From Home what happens in the bloody film. And considering that the film follows directly on from Endgame, that’s quite a problem. Sony may have creative control over Spider-Man, but Marvel and Disney can still call the shots, deliberately sabotaging Sony in order to boost hype for their own films. Also Sony are actually worse off in this deal because Marvel and Disney are the ones making all the money. Spider-Man has appeared in three MCU films. Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame. All three of these films made Marvel and Disney over a billion dollars at the box office. Sony meanwhile have only made two Spidey movies, Homecoming and Far From Home, only one of which has made over a billion and both of which Marvel and Disney get five percent of the profit. Now that Sony have finally got their billion dollar Spider-Man movie, Marvel and Disney had the cheek to propose that Sony share fifty percent of the profits with them. Because it’s not enough for Marvel and Disney to be making shit tons of money off their own films. No. They also want as much money as they can get out of films made by other studios that are only tangentially related to their’s. God forbid a movie studio should be allowed to keep all the profits from their movie.

So yeah, I’m glad Sony have split and are free to make their own movies again. Because Disney have got such a strangle hold on the entire industry that I’m always happy to see any studio or IP slip through their fingers. And I’m not the only one who thinks this. Do you know who else agrees with me? Stan Lee’s own daughter.

In an interview with TMZ, Joan Lee slammed Disney for their lack of compassion when her father passed away:

“When my father died, no one from Marvel or Disney reached out to me. From day one, they have commoditised my father’s work and never shown him or his legacy any respect or decency. In the end, no one could have treated my father worse than Marvel and Disney’s executives.”

She then went on to support Sony’s decision to break the deal with Marvel, saying ‘whether it’s Sony or someone else’s, the continued evolution of Stan’s characters and his legacy deserves multiple points of view.’

And do you know what? She’s right. She’s absolutely right.

While people were celebrating when Disney bought 20th Century Fox because the X-Men and Fantastic Four were finally going to be part of their precious shared universe, I was watching in absolute horror because nobody was actually talking about the ramifications of this. Disney serves as a cautionary tale of what happens when capitalism goes unchecked. Seeing this mega-corporation consume and absorb other major studios like some Lovecraftian monster is both frightening and heartbreaking for me because the industry is going to be so much lesser for it. Less studios means less movies are going to be produced. It also means less variety in the entertainment we consume. Marvel and Disney have already done their utmost to homogenise and dumb down every MCU film to the point where most of them all feel the same, look the same and have nothing unique or creative about them whatsoever. And now we’re on the cusp of seeing that potentially happening to my most favourite superhero in the whole wide world:

Thanks to the Disney buyout, plans for X-Force and Deadpool 3 have been placed on indefinite hold with people reckoning we won’t see the Merc with the Mouth again until Phase 5 (Christ, give me strength) of the MCU so that Marvel and Disney can work out exactly how to fit him into their shared universe. Naturally the R rated nature of the character makes him difficult to integrate into the PG-13 MCU. Some have suggested toning down the character. Even David Leitch, the director of Deadpool 2, said they could make a PG-13 version of the character, which just feels like such a massive betrayal. After literally years of Ryan Reynolds, director Tim Miller, screenwriters Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, and the fans fighting tooth and claw to get an R rated Deadpool movie green-lit, it sickens me whenever I see people discussing how a PG-13 Deadpool wouldn’t be so bad and that they just want to see him pop up in an Avengers movie.

Here’s a suggestion. If you can’t make someone like Deadpool fit into the MCU, STOP TRYING TO FUCKING DO IT! Let him be his own separate thing! I’ve got no problem with that! But no. Everything has to be connected to this idiotic shared universe, but here’s the thing, I really don’t fucking care. I couldn’t give two shits if Deadpool and Captain America were to meet in a movie. I just want to see X-Force and Deadpool 3. I just want some good fucking movies. Is that really too much to ask?

The MCU, and by extension Disney, are slowly ruining the industry with this shared universe crap and I’m getting so bloody sick of this. Not only does the premise have absolutely nothing new to offer at this point, it’s also ruining the quality of standalone movies. Instead of telling compelling stories with likeable characters, they’re just adverts for more movies to come with nothing unique to offer. Oooooh, can the Avengers stop Thanos and unkill everyone who we know aren’t really dead because they all have fucking sequels planned? Tune in next week to confirm what you already bloody know! I don’t give a fuck what you’ve got planned for me down the road in ten or fifteen movies time. Right now I’m stuck here at a service station and I’ve got no fucking sandwiches.

Off the top of my head, the only MCU films I can think of that I’ve watched in recent memory and I’ve actually enjoyed are Captain America: Civil War and Black Panther. And do you know why? Because they actually have something to say. They’re not focused on teasing the next bullshit spinoff movie. Black Panther in particular has little to no connection with the rest of the MCU. It works as its own standalone piece and has its own unique voice, commenting on how black people are viewed in society. Civil War takes elements from previous films and goes in an entirely new direction with them, exploring the faults in our beloved Avengers and questioning their role as superheroes. It offers something beyond a tease for the next film. It poses thought provoking questions about the characters and forces us to confront some harsh truths about them. But in an environment like the MCU, where everything is pre-planned by committee, there’s no room for creativity or expression, which means the few good movies get stifled. It’s impossible to continue the themes of Civil War because Homecoming exists to contradict everything. Black Panther is an amazing and impactful movie, but its impact is lessened thanks to Infinity War where we see the Wakandans reduced to little more than cannon fodder so that the real heroes can fight the baddie.

It’s frustrating to see people blindly accept and support the poisonous business model of Marvel and Disney because it’s not normal, it’s not benefiting the industry at large and it’s not even financially viable in the long term. Marvel Studios’ success revolves around one franchise. What happens when the shared universe/comic book movie bubble bursts and people eventually stop watching these films? (and it will happen because it always happens. That’s how trends work). They’re going to be up shit street, aren’t they? At least Warner Bros have Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings to fall back on. Their future isn’t entirely dependant on the success of the DCEU (thank God, some might say).

Also it’s worth noting that studios are slowly starting to move away from the shared universe format. Before the buyout, 20th Century Fox were taking risks with smaller budget, standalone movies like Deadpool and Logan. After the disaster that was Justice League, Warner Bros and DC have recently started focusing more on standalone movies to great success. Aquaman and Shazam, while still part of the DCEU, work as their own independent films. We’ve also got Joker being released in a couple of months time, which I think everyone should be paying really close attention to, because if Joker is critically and commercially successful, it could very well serve as the death knell for the concept of a shared universe. Definitive proof that you don’t need twenty movies and interconnecting stories with massive budgets to be successful. All you need is a very good idea.

Even Sony have finally learnt their lesson. They’ve taken a risk with Into The Spider-Verse and received an Academy Award for their trouble. As for Sony’s Universe Of Marvel Characters, they’re already off to a strong start with Venom. And mercifully they’re not making the same mistakes they did with the Amazing Spider-Man 2 or Ghostbusters. They’re not spending ridiculous amounts of money with unrealistic expectations of success and they’re no longer putting the cart way before the horse. They’re focusing on making a good movie first and worrying about potential expansion later. Venom may not be a masterpiece, but it’s a hell of a lot more entertaining and fulfilling than the majority of MCU films because it tells a complete story with a beginning, middle and end and it has well developed characters that we actually like and grow attached to. And if worst comes to the worst and Sony’s next film, Morbius, doesn’t do well, then they have Venom 2 to fall back on. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll still have Spider-Verse. They are no longer putting all their eggs in one basket and that’s good. That’s the smart thing to do.

Can you imagine something like Venom in the MCU? Of course not! Because Venom has its own unique tone and vision. That’s why it was so successful with audiences. Its mix of dark comedy and campy sci-fi horror made it stand out from the crowd. Marvel and Disney want us to believe that there’s only one way to make a superhero movie, when that’s simply not true. And now that Spider-Man is free to find his own unique voice again, hopefully people will begin to see just how creatively limiting and damaging the MCU truly is.

[jennifersbod]

ooh i forgot to ask you but what did you think about chapter 2??

asdfghjkl i have Feelings™ and i’m making this public to see if other feels the same because rn i feel kinda lonely in my criticisms (anyway doron ily and feel free to dm me if you wanted this to be a private convo asdfghj). that said, i still really loved the movie as a whole, and i feel like it did hit the most important parts of the book in a mostly satisfying way. this answer is gonna be spoiler-heavy so like anyone reading this who doesn’t want spoilers can yeet themselves now.

starting with cons because i like saving the best things for last:

bev’s cycle of abuse storyline NEVER getting fully resolved. in the book tom has a super satisfying death and the movie completely ignored the entire thing. this felt messy/problematic as most abuse survivors will know that abusers tend to track their victims. knowing he’s still out there, if i were bev, would leave me forever nervous.

also bev’s being psychic from the deadlights (???) and saying they’ll all die if they don’t help is a moralistic cop out because it changes their basic motivations from love and goodness and light to just being scared they’re all going to die (meaning they didn’t fully conquer their fear or overcome it because they’d die anyway). (wouldn’t this also mean that richie became psychic after his run-in with the deadlights in the third act?? who knows because it wasn’t fleshed out any further)

eddie’s being used as comic relief. i laughed with everyone else when angel of the morning came on but like where’d it come from, y’all??? if anything paul bunyun should’ve been the comic relief scare.

mike’s parents being crackheads and dying in a fire (i know they did this in the first film too and it pissed me off just as much then). mike and his relationship with his father at his death bed was such a HUGE part of the book for me and they scrapped it completely for a racist trope AND robbed us of a black spot scene and the giant bird

barely anything of stan before he yeeted himself off the board. just like as a jew, i loved how the book handled the antisemitism of derry and the world at large. if handled correctly, it could’ve been super timely and relevant, but nope.

they left out don talking to the cops after adrian

henry bowers’s whole subplot was rushed and honestly could’ve been left out completely if they were just going to do it wrong like that

audra, where tf is audra

ALL THE CGI was laughable- mrs. kersh was honestly ruined for me with that last bit of cgi. it’s something that so easily could’ve been accomplished with practical effects (it’s basically the same makeup they could’ve copied from the bathtub scene in the shining), but this is a problem that’s pretty pervasive in the genre right now that andy falls into way too much

this is kind of a more arguable one, but leaving out the turtle and 'He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts’

amy adams not being cast over jessica chastain only because i really miss sharp objects and sofia/amy playing the same character

i also wish they’d gone into ben’s whole architect thing more and included how he’d subconsciously replicated part of the derry library in one of his buildings

the ending being so small in scale, like, the book had a bigger scope of the town and i missed that (also IT’s eggs)

i’m sure i have more but that feels like a lot so imma stop there

tldr; i have petty opinions on what they should’ve kept from the book and the look of the cgi

pros!!!

bill hader, BILL HADER, BILL HADER- an actor i’ve loved and believe in since his snl days a decade ago playing a character i’ve always related to and loved from a book i read a decade ago is more than i ever could’ve asked for and he stole the movie #hader2020

the expansion of richie’s sexuality. never explicit in the book, but a wonderfully worthwhile storyline in the film that hader and wolfhard both absolutely kill

THE BIRD PUZZLE !!!!

stan’s death being portrayed the way it was and not being used for shock value in the least!!! and andy bean in general!!!

xavier dolan as adrian was heartbreaking and he made me cry (people have mixed feelings about it being included in the movie but it’s important to recognize that it was based on a true story that largely inspired the book’s themes)

all the eddie x richie content… even 2 months ago i could never see this happening even though i’ve shipped it since i read the book and i’m still in shock tbh. the hammock scene was the cutest fucking thing i’ve ever seen in my entire life and i want it to play on my gravestone.

james ransone was perfect casting and i love him with all my heart, he played it perfectly and somehow made reddie mutual when the script didn’t make it fully clear

the scene transitions were gorgeous and almost made up for the shoddy cgi

STEPHEN KING’S CAMEO bitch give me $300

“ayooo silver away!!” being included

eddie getting stabbed in the face and still criticizing bower’s mullet and people still think he’s straight

 the “here’s johnny” moment

tHE BRIDGE

the turtle in ben’s classroom !!!

richie’s going to temple for stan !!!

benverly endgame!!!

my favorite addition was honestly the pomeranian and richie and eddie fawning over it (dog dads au pls)

i could literally mention every loser’s interaction with each other but this post would get even longer so yeah no

kiss me, fatboy

beep beep richie even if it was only really once

beverly smashing the mirror when ben is being carved up isn’t talked about enough but i loved that moment

the losers not forgetting each other was a welcome change from the book for me personally and i’m glad to see a stephen king adaptation somehow make the ending lighter than the book’s

i feel like most of the pros have been touched on at length on this website so i don’t want to list anymore and end up being repetitive, but i did adore the movie and i think it’s unlikely anyone would’ve made a version that would satisfy me more so i’m really thankful we got what we got.

[aikainkauna]

Movie meeeehm

Thanks to @nitrateglow for these!

1: A movie you enjoyed as a kid that you don't now

-Probs some comedy I'd find awfully sexist/racist/homophobic etc. now. But of course, I can't recall a specific one, probs because the experience is so deeply squicky and traumatic. Oh, wait, I know. I adored The Great Mouse Detective as a kid, but have heard so many "bleh" comments about it later that I don't want to ruin it by rewatching it as an adult. Why take a happy, cherished, pure and joyous memory away, especially as there are so few of those in my life anyway in proportion to the bad memories?

2: A movie you disliked as a kid that you like/love now

-Not a movie, but I was literally too fucking terrified to watch Doctor Who as a kid on cable, because the Tom Baker repeats they were showing terrified me with the title sequence alone. That empty stare and howling, diddly-duming music were enough to give me nightmares. So I only got into Who in my late teens!

3: Your favorite movie as a kid

-Define "kid." I went through several. I loved the Disney Robin Hood, of course, and at puberty, Wayne's World (yes) and The Princess Bride were my own cult movies, before I had anyone to fangirl them with. Ah, the pre-Internet era.

4: An actor/actress it took you time to warm up to

I remember being weirdly terrified and disturbed by Jeremy Brett as a kid, but then I felt the same about Bowie, and... well. Clearly it was my baby self not knowing WTF to do with all this stirring, restless energy that later turned out to be my skinnyandrogynousbisexualguy orientation thingy. And while I'd first seen Caligari and Casablanca as a teen in the early 90s, I wasn't ready for Connie until he pounced me in 2012. I would not have "got" him the same way and as hard until I was a grown-up, with a wide variety of experiences from many areas of life and a boatload of books/learning behind me. Just... no way.

5: A director it took you time to warm up to

-If anything, I've cooled off various directors I was impressed by when younger. So much of the auteur stuff gets wanky and self-imposing, in this Arrogant Artist Guy "look at my GENIUS big VISION and also insecurity about my penis size" kind of way. I like directors who can be warm and have fun and who show some real humanity (not wanky anvilly/kitchen sink-y sort of "humanity" either). Maybe Branagh? I found him a bit annoying as a kid, but now fap all over his stuff because now I'm old enough to Get It. He is the best kind of fanboy director; his geekiness is catching. Listening to his Thor commentary was a real eye-opener into my realising just how massive a nerd he is, and in a good, "one of us" kind of way.

6: Top five favorite soundtracks of your favorite movie composer

-There isn't just one! But Clint Mansell and Debbie Wiseman turn to gold everything they touch. Debbie especially is hugely unknown still, but she has this most amazing, swellingly Romantic music full of sweeping emotion that I just can't rec her enough. Do check her out; she'll give you goosebumps.

7: Three movies that defined your teen/childhood years

-I think I mentioned those already! But as a teenager, Bram Stoker's Dracula, La Reine Margot and Heavenly Creatures were formative. There were others I obsessed about way more than those, but they weren't as influential--it's more like they were massaging buttons I already had.

8: Sci-fi or westerns?

-Blake's 7! AKA "The Dirty Dozen in Space."

9: Are there any movies you own more than one copy of?

-Ahhahaha. AAAHHAHAHAHA! Of The Thief of Bagdad, I own: The Criterion clusterfuck with the awful clumsy cover someone had their 5-year-old draw, the Nordic DVD, the German Blu-Ray because I live on the edge (what with those Veidt Eye Closeups in HD being a hazard to any uterus) and at least three different digital copies. Because I'm me. I also own two digital copies and one DVD of Casablanca, three digital and one DVD of A Woman's Face and don't get me started on the British telefantasy I have on both DVD and VHS. I have spare copies of both the Caligari Masters of Cinema release and the ITV DVD of The Spy In Black, so I guess I should throw them at somebody.

10: Physical media or streaming?

-Neither. Video files firmly saved onto and run from my hard drive. Fuck streaming with its choppiness (ruins the viewing experience for me) and physical media are usually beyond my budget (unless I save up for a Connie DVD). Besides, I rip my favourite movie discs onto my HD anyway. I want to be able to gif that shit, dammit!

11: Are there any movies you watch on special occasions every year (Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, your mother's aunt's wedding anniversary, etc.)

-Used to do Nightmare Before Christmas on Halloween, but not any more. I still attempt ToB every Christmas. And I used to do All Through The Night with wine on my birthday, but as I can't tolerate alcohol anymore, the experience of Watching ATTN Drunk is no more. Someone start a Halloween tradition with me where we watch either The Student of Prague or Eerie Tales (or both) every year?

12: What movie do you most associate with your best friend(s)?

-Gosh, so few have stayed, so it's more like "movie that reminds you of a broken friendship," yay...?! I've learned to try and not associate movies with people that way any more, because it's more painful than it's worth. Connie is my best friend. He's like Krishna that way.

13: Name a movie adaptation you thought was better than or equal to its source material.

-LOTR put in more facial features and characterisation than Tolkien ever did, and did the tales far less fucking tediously. Imagine if you'd had to sit and watch hobbits walking through the countryside for 6 hours with barely anything happening?! Yeah...

14: What genres do your favorite movies tend to be?

-Historical, fantasy, Gothic Romantic, just Romantic stuff on the whole. More old than new movies these days. Why watch shitty modern chick flicks when I have far better characterisation and far less narrowly defined female lives in old-timey "women's pictures?" And guys who actually fucking shaved, dressed in clothes that were tailored for them instead of rented and saggy, whose bodily expressions weren't frozen for fear of "fagginess," and who weren't pumped full of 'roids.

15: Are you a fan of period dramas and if so, what era do you enjoy best?

-Yes. I love me some costume dramas, but I am seriously picky about them--most post-90s ones have been fucking awful and tend to feature shitty costumes and unkempt hair that would've sent real historical people to Bedlam, wobblycam from hell, vomit-inducingly excessive modernisation to be "edgy", and that one painfully skeletal bint they shove into every period drama ever these days, so it's... slim pickings for a history nerd, these days. There aren't many good ones set in the 17th century/Baroque era, which I love the most: the two Baroque dramas I wholeheartedly love are both series. (The Devil's Whore and By The Sword Divided.) The Angeliques and Musketeer adaptations are riddled with flaws, but there are some glowing bits within. As for The Golden Age of Islam... bloody hell, there really aren't that many good ones out there, are there?! ToB and Jodhaa Akbar and Disney's Aladdin, obviously. La Reine Margot isn't "my" period but it's great, as is Dangerous Liaisons (also not my period)--those are so fucking perfect. And the Connie period dramas, well... I think of them as primarily "silent movies" or "old movies," actually. Of those, The Student of Prague, ToB and The Wandering Jew are the best "costume" ones, IMHO. (I'd probs enjoy Lucrezia Borgia and Carlos and Elisabeth way more, were the copies we have not so smudgy.)

16: Name a movie you love that you would recommend to just about everyone.

-Ah, but we know there are always cynical cunts out there who'd give even Casablanca two stars, so what's the point? I'd still recommend it, though. And The Lion King, I guess.

17: Name a movie you love that you consider an acquired taste.

-Honestly, I'm thinking of telly rather than movies again. You will pry my cherished copy of The Time Monster from my cold, dead hands. Does The Devil of Winterborne count as a movie or TV? That's how far back my love for Mark Gatiss goes. Um... Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood makes me fucking cry with laughter (the comedic timing is what does it. *beat* "Ain't dat some shit!"). Of Connie's oeuvre, yes, I know Bella Donna is rubbish, but Connie and Mary are SIZZLING and horny and juicy and it's Valid as a BDSM porn movie. And the novel is actually good.

18: Name a film you like directed by/starring a filmmaker/actor you normally don't care for.

-Not so much actor/director, but I did *not* expect to love Thor as much as I did, because I expected a dumb popcorn movie but got great adventure cinema with a touch of Shakespeare instead. I really am not the right audience for regular Marvel features at all, before or after. Fuck Marvel up its dumb macho Republican ass. But Thor is fucking beautiful and operatic and poetic and majestic and Pagan and shit. Branagh knows what I like.

19: Name a movie that blew your mind.

-A Woman's Face (1941). Because. Holy. Fuck. How can I keep on finding yet more details in it six years after first watching it, having watched it countless times by now?! And obvs all the other stuff, like the shockingly good female POV, amazing and complex woman protagonist, amazing writing, amazing ensemble cast, amazing direction, amazing lighting, amazing evil Torsten Slinkypussy Barring and The. Goddamn. Attic. Scene.

20: What genre mash-up would you most love to see that either hasn't been done yet or hasn't been done enough?

-Feminist-savvy historical romance with fantasy elements and hot explicit sex that's not shit. Basically, like the stuff you see in my fics, but better paced and woven into coherent adventure movies.

21: The coolest movie you've ever seen

-Too, too many. But Bogie was the coolest. And Claude Rains had the best acting skills. And Conrad Veidt was Conrad motherfucking Veidt. So what with those three mountains of coolness all converging under the Moroccan sky, I'm sure it's safe to say "Casablanca."

[lubbuthedigitalnomad]

I hope you are happy and healthy. We are winding down the 13th lunar month here in the Boudha Stupa neighborhood of Kathmandu, Nepal. The year of the Male Metal Mouse/Iron Rat 2147 is about to end. On February 12, the Tibetan new year of the Female Metal Ox 2148 begins. In honor of the occasion (and for a little lighten-up from the heavier, more esoteric writing of the past few weeks) the next few weeks will be nothing but fun. This week’s excerpt is from the Fearless Puppy On American Road book. It is a small part of the chapter about my season and a half playing a biker on the TV show OZ. I hope it is as fun for you as it was for me.

FEARLESS PUPPY WEBSITE BLOG

FEARLESS PUPPY ON AMERICAN ROAD/AMAZON PAGE

REINCARNATION THROUGH COMMON SENSE/AMAZON PAGE

FEARLESS WEBSITE

Angels From Hell In The Land Of OZ

Welcome to a TV set like no other — Oswald State Penitentiary.

The first day on location scared the shit out of me. I would have had a more comfortable entrance into show biz had they cast me as lunch in a lion’s cage. OZ was shot on the entire sixth floor of a building that took up a full city block on Manhattan’s lower west side. A month’s rent for the space could likely feed a small nation. The whole floor was dressed up like a prison. Real cells with bars had been built into the walls. There was a common room, dining hall, infirmary, chaplain’s and warden’s offices, institutional kitchen, basketball court/exercise yard, and much more.

Also present were three hundred of the spookiest looking people ever assembled in one place. Over two hundred of them wore prison uniforms. Thirty or so wore prison guard uniforms. A narrator, warden, chaplain, the featured stars, and a few nurses rounded out the cast. The narrator, warden, chaplain, and nurses were professional actors with years of experience. So were most of the main characters that had speaking roles. Very few other folks were. Most were people who, like myself, just answered a classified advertisement. If we walked into the agency possessing “the look” that the agents thought would fill the position, we got hired. Our look earned us pretty much the same job as the painted background scenery. We had to go where the director told us to go and be silent.

The agents were very good at their job. The majority of these extras had a lot of personal history that fit in with their look, and with the show. Many of the men that played gay prisoners kissed each other even when the cameras were off. A lot of the extras who played felons, gang members, junkies, and assorted criminal types were currently, or had been — felons, gang members, junkies, and assorted criminal types in real life.

The casting department put me with the biker group. It was a select position. Unlike the gang bangers, skinhead racists, and other assorted cliques (not to mention the main general-prisoner population group), there were only about a half dozen bikers. This meant that every time a scene was to be shot that slated the biker group in it, we’d each get more individual face-in-the-camera time than the members of larger groups would. More exposure could mean that someone from the film industry might spot you, like your look, and give you a chance at some real acting.

The possibility of making the big time never impressed me much. Having fun was most important. But during the first day, my main concern was getting over the heebie-jeebies. It didn’t take too long for me to get relaxed, thanks to my association with the biker crew. Most of that had to do with Tattoo Mike. Tattoo Mike had earned his name for obvious reasons. The biggest (and only the biggest!) of the Muslim characters would joke with him, “Glad you came in today, Mike. I needed something to read.”

Finely crafted wording and designs covered nearly the entire body of this biker/actor. He had a tattooed necklace of skulls that summed up his body’s art museum. His long, dark beard finished in two braided strands resembling inverted horns. You didn’t have to meet Mike in a dark alley to be scared of him.

Looks can be accurate and deceiving at the same time.

Any so-called sane person who had been conditioned by a lifetime of media imagery would have run like hell from this man. I sat down next to him. It was the best move I made during my short show biz career.

Don’t get me wrong here. You surely would not want to see this person pissed off! That would be ugly. But on the set, Mike was a gentleman’s gentleman. He was soft-spoken, generous, and helpful to all. He had the air of a man with nothing left to prove to himself or anyone else. Mike knew that in any situation where intimidation was required, it was already accomplished. All he had to do was be present. But on set, he made every effort to counteract the fear that his presence might cause in others.

Introductions and conversation came easily. A few minutes in, I confessed about my nervous condition. “To tell you the truth, Mike, the set almost scared the shit out of me as much as the cast. At first, walking in and seeing the cells with bars, and then the guards — I mean the actors in guard’s uniforms! See, that’s the thing! The whole place is so real looking that it’s spooky.”

“Yeah, I know,” he winked.

I’m sure he did.

“C’mon,” he continued. “I’ll give you the tour.” We walked through various cell blocks, guard towers, weight rooms, etc. “The more you look around, the more real it seems, eh?”

I nodded in silence. The production crew were masters of their craft. The place truly was way too real to be comfortable in.

While walking back to the holding room, we passed through the kitchen section. Filming was in progress. Mike made the sshhh! sign with a finger to his lips. An absolutely chiseled brick house of a man who looked very familiar was screaming at a fellow actor and the camera. “I run the fucking kitchen. Nobody eats in this damn place unless I say so!”

My eyes bugged out as I whispered, “Holy shit!” Mike gave me a “what’s up?” look. We walked over to where we could talk without disturbing the shoot. “Mike! Is that Sylvester Stallone? He’s on this show?”

“Ha!” Mike laughed. “Well, that’s an easy mistake to make, man. There is a resemblance there. No, that’s not Stallone. That man there is a lot more dangerous than Stallone. He plays the head of the Mafia population in this make believe joint. In real life, he’s a Golden Gloves boxing champion and has two or three black belts in different forms of martial arts. He had to kick a famous karate-movie star’s ass on the street one night. Chuck didn’t want to do it, but the guy just kept pushing him. If possible, Chuck walks away from stupid people. A guy like him doesn’t want to fight people unless it’s in a ring. Street combat is too dangerous for opponents. The competition can get hurt very badly in that situation. He’s also my chief.”

This surprised me. “Your chief? Neither of you looks Native American.”

Mike laughed through his reply. “Not that kind of chief, Ten. Chuck is my road chief, and the president of the New York City chapter of the Hell’s Angels.”

“Well, if he’s your chief that means that you…”

Mike confirmed his status with a nod and a wink. “I’m a real one! Hey, it’s not just me. Many of the players on this set have had a lot more experience living their parts than acting them.”

Just then, “Mother,” the two-hundred-and-fifty-pound head of Oswald State Penitentiary’s gay pain-and-abuse faction sauntered through. “Hey Mikie, who’s the fresh meat? Y’know Mikie, I’d really like to run my tongue around the bottom of your balls for half an hour or so.”

Tattoo Mike gave that nasty Mother a stare that could have frozen a raging forest fire. Mother slithered off cautiously.

Mike introduced me to Ron the Muslim, Terry the Homeboy, and Hector, along with several of his Hispanic Knife-Fighters. Through them I met much of the rest of the crew. Once I got to know these folks, most weren’t scary at all.

Others were even scarier than they had originally appeared.

About the Author

Doug “Ten” Rose may be the biggest smartass as well as one of the most entertaining survivors of the hitchhiking adventurers that used to cover America’s highways. He is the author of the books Fearless Puppy on American Road and Reincarnation Through Common Sense, has survived heroin addiction and death, and is a graduate of over a hundred thousand miles of travel without ever driving a car, owning a phone, or having a bank account.

Ten Rose and his work are a vibrant part of the present and future as well as an essential remnant of a vanishing breed.

Follow him on Facebook, Doug Ten Rose

Travel Adventure Books can be an excellent gift to your friends and family, buy from Amazon.com

#traveladventurebooks #keepreading

The books Fearless Puppy On American Road and Reincarnation Through Common Sense by this same author are also available through Amazon or the Fearless Puppy website, where there are sample chapters from those books. Entertaining TV/radio interviews with and newspaper articles about the author are also available there. There is no charge for anything but the complete books! All author profits from book sales will be donated to help sponsor an increase in the number of wisdom professionals on Earth, beginning with but certainly not limited to Buddhist monks and nuns.

If you missed the Introduction to the new book that will be titled Temple Dog Soldier, or would like to see several chapters of it that are available for free online, go to the Puppy website Blog section. This is a book in progress. You will be reading it as it is being created! Just like you, I don’t know what the next chapter is going to be about until it is written. As the Intro will tell you, this is a totally true story — and probably the only book ever written by and about a corpse journeying completely around the world!

[coll2mitts]

#86 Carmen Jones (1954)

A sex crazed factory worker corrupts a dumbass American soldier, and when she tries to exert bodily autonomy after their relationship ends, he strangles her to death.  Cute.

Carmen Jones is a modern day retelling of the classic Bizet opera, Carmen.  Set in America during WW2, Carmen works at a parachute factory, and although she has a reputation for getting around, she has her eyes set on Corporal Joe.  The only complication is he currently has a sweetheart, Cindy Lou, and she’s sitting right next to him while Carmen puts the moves on.

The majority of the songs in this movie are from Bizet’s original opera, but with new English lyrics.  I’m all for translating something in a different medium, but Rogers and Hammerstein made the bizarre decision to require actual opera singers to perform these songs, instead of updating the style of delivery to something you don’t need years upon years of training to execute.

I probably don���t have to tell you that the majority of the actors in this movie were dubbed when they sang, including their main actress, Dorothy Dandridge, whose parts were sang by Marilynn Horne.

Again, I ask, why cast leads of your movie that you’re going to have to dub over?  This also leads to some racists fucking bullshit, where the black actors are dubbed over with white singers trying to “sound black”.  And by “sounding black”, apparently that means speaking in improper grammar and replacing any word that starts with T with a D.  It’s fucking awkward.

The songs are written in this dialect, however, so it wasn’t even a creative choice from Marilynn Horne.  It was written into the show, which again, fucking oof.  Dorothy Dandridge doesn’t even speak that way when reciting the dialogue, but the minute she has to sing, we’re treated with a barrage of dats, deres, and dens.

Carmen Jones did provide a platform for a lot of black actors and actresses to be featured in a major motion picture, but there were so many things the filmmakers could have done to prevent white voices from dubbing black actors.  Hire someone qualified to sing the role, or change the skill needed to play the role.  With the amount of talent that exists in the world, if you can’t find someone who can both sing and act, you’re not doing your job as a casting director.

(Yes, I know, I know, the lord knows I’m going to have so much to answer to when we get to My Fair Lady, I’m preparing myself.)

Opera singers are nothing *but* charisma, because there’s a good possibility they’re singing in a language that their audience does not understand.  They need to exude the emotion from their voice, and from their movements.  If you want the cast of your movie to sing opera for whatever misguided reason, cast fucking opera singers.

I have mentioned before I have a very, very, very, bad and basic understanding of French, so listening to this opera, I can only pick out bits and pieces of what the hell anybody is singing.  Thankfully, the way Elina Garanca delivers the song, I can surmise everything I need to know. 

Olga James is proof that you can cast someone charismatic and charming who can also fucking sing opera.  After Joe blows off Carmen, he asks Cindy Lou to marry him while telling her she reminds him of his mother.  I can’t think of anything less romantic, but Cindy Lou falls for it hard.  They sing a beautiful duet and she agrees to marry him that day so they can “honeymoon” before he leaves for flight school in the morning. 

Seconds after Joe proposes to Cindy Lou, he’s called to duty to drive Carmen to a neighboring city’s prison because she started a fight with her co-worker.  While Joe is initially pissed off by this, Carmen is through the roof.

Otto Preminger, the director of this film, didn’t believe Dorothy Dandridge could act “sexy” enough to play this role, so she dressed up like Carmen, headed into his office, auditioned again and got the part.  In the original opera, Carmen is sensual, and she comes on strong, but the way Dorothy tries to eat this man alive in the first few scenes of this movie is just bizarre and alarming.

Carmen tries to convince Joe to let her go in exchange with sleeping with her.  When he doesn’t succumb to her advances, she jumps out of the jeep and onto a very slow moving train.  She’s running in heels, and he’s a corporal, so he catches her pretty easily.  After tying her up and shoving her back in the jeep, he decides to shave some time off the journey by taking a backwoods road, uttering a sentence that is literally every Jeep owner’s motto:

In a shocker to end all shockers, he gets the Jeep stuck in a ditch.  Carmen offers to lead him to her hometown, cook him a meal, and when the next train comes, they can head to Masonville together.  They end up back at Carmen’s place and talk about their futures - Joe plans to marry Cindy Lou and go to flight school, and Carmen plans on having a bunch of casual sex that she enjoys.  I know I should be watching Carmen’s excellent skills of seduction, but I’m just focused on the fact that Harry Belafonte had to probably eat a dozen peaches to film this scene.

So, they sleep together, as if that wasn’t going to happen.  Carmen escapes, and Joe is arrested for letting her get away.  She sends him mail, and he continues to pine for a lady he slept with once and subsequently put him in jail, instead of Cindy Lou, who is amazing and supportive in every way.

While Joe is serving out his sentence, Carmen mopes at her favorite watering hole, waiting around for his return.  We finally meet some of her friends, like Frankie, who sings about how excited the beat of the drum makes her, IN A SONG THAT DOESN’T HAVE A DRUM IN IT, WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE.

Like, I get pizzicato is cool and everything, but this song does not justify the fire choreography going on behind Pearl Bailey.  Seriously, props to these dancers, they are doing everything in their power to try and make this song make fucking sense.

I don’t know why this makes me irrationally angry, but it does.  They could have easily added a drum part to this.  It is the worst translation of the opera to musical format, and a waste of Pearl’s talent.  I can’t.

Later in the night, the big hot-shot boxer Husky Miller stops by to revel in his latest victory.  Everyone except Carmen seems impressed, since she’s still thinking about Joe’s dick, and has probably seen that Animaniacs cartoon enough to be as bored with this as I am.  Husky seems enthralled with her, however, and asks his manager to try and convince her to join them in Chicago.  They rope in Carmen’s friends, and even though they all sing a very convincing song about how exciting it is to board a train, Carmen sticks by her man and blows them off.

Speaking of her man, he is released from jail, and instead of indulging Carmen with the love fest she expected, informs her that he will be leaving for flight school the next day.  Carmen realizes Joe doesn’t appreciate her jail-induced celibacy, and decides he’s no longer worth her time.  She tries to leave with Joe’s commanding officer, since he seems to knows a good woman when he sees one.  Joe throws a fit, and a punch, at a Sargent, which would land him 4 years in jail if he’s caught.

After coming to the realization he’s the dumbest person alive, Joe decides to flee the city with Carmen and head to Chicago.  Carmen and him spend a week holed up and boning because Joe can’t go anywhere at risk of him being arrested.  Carmen, bored and out of money, decides to hit up Husky Miller and see what that wealthy dude is up to.  Frankie’s outfit only confirms Carmen made a terrible choice in a man.

After pawning some tacky jewelry and buying a new dress and some food, Joe gives Carmen shit about paying for things, because he can’t possibly understand how she could earn money without selling herself.  He asks her to stay in the apartment with him forever, because he lovesssss heeeerrrrrrrr, and that means she has to listen to what he says.  She, rightfully, tells him to get all the way off her fucking back and leaves to grab a sugar daddy.

She has a lot of fun with her new benefactors, clearly.  Being in Husky’s pocket has a lot of advantages, and Carmen is enjoying all of them.  That is, until Cindy Lou comes knocking, looking for her ex-man, because for some goddamn unspeakable reason she still wants him back.

Joe shows up to harass Carmen, because he’s a NICE GUY, and Cindy Lou tries to convince him Carmen does not, in fact, have a magic pussy, and he should go home with her instead.  He, like the dumbass who gave up his future as a pilot to be with this flighty woman, decides running from the army and stalking Carmen is the way to go.  Cindy Lou is heartbroken, even though she deserves so. much. fucking. better. than. this. mediocre. man.

I really wish I could insert a video of Olga James singing this song, because she knocks it out of the park.  The range in the emotions on her face, from despair, defiance, anger, love, and pleading... it’s so beautiful.  The fact this woman didn’t become a bigger star is just a crime.

After the drama is dealt with, Husky Miller takes his glamtourage to one of his fights and punches this shit out of his opponent, winning the match.

Joe, of course, follows them there, because he doesn’t have a goddamn brain in his head.  After Husky’s victory, he drags Carmen into a broom closet and begs her to run away with him.  Sure, he’s AWOL, and yeah, if he’s arrested he’d be sent to prison for four years, but he loves her, and that should be enough to incentivize her to live in his poorly built cage.

That is a face of a woman who is fed up with some bullshit.

Carmen tells Joe, again, that she’s with Husky and has no interest in leaving her cushy setup to hock more jewelry and never leave a shitty apartment.  Joe tells Carmen he’ll kill her instead, and she dares him to, either because she wants to die, or she underestimates how much men love to possess people that once smiled nicely at them.

Then he strangles her, concluding this cautionary tale of domestic violence.

Nothing good ever came from a man who thought he owned a woman.  Except this fire violin piece.

Prepare yourselves for a spooky double feature. We have a few... unusual films coming up next.

[foxandfiction]

so i havent written anything in a LONG while (since 2017?) for a very good reason: i was going to school fulltime. good news: i finished! i finished in december and i walk at graduation in may. hopefully i learned something about writing. i enjoyed myself, at the very least, and i was grateful to have made myself write frequently about literature, even if it wasn't the way and type of lit we were looking at in school. i don't know that i will come back to this frequently. after all, it's february and i've been free from the school grind for months now. but sometimes a book sparks an idea in me that i have to write out. so here we go. niko rides again.

truly devious / the hand on the wall by maureen johnson.

so here is a thing: i like maureen johnson enough as a person that i will usually read her books, despite the fact that she writes mostly YA hetero romances, and infrequently anything fantasy and never sci fi. when she announced she was writing a mystery i was interested because i do like mysteries but the genre as a whole is often difficult to enjoy for other reasons. and so, expecting it to be a stand alone novel because i am a fool and an imbecile, i picked up truly devious.

this isn't to say it is a bad book. it's just 3 books.

a brief summary: stevie bell has just been accepted into ellingham academy, a prestigious private boarding school with a checkered past. the site of several famous kidnappings and murders of the ellingham family that established it, the school is known for inviting brilliant students with very specific passions to study there. stevie is invited because of her expertise on the ellingham case-- her goal being to solve the murder while she attends the school. of course, when accidental deaths seem to be more than accidents, the case may not be solely located in the past.

intriguing.

the case itself is interesting and fun, relying on the weird school and its strange inhabitants, both presently and in the past, their penchant for secret passages and riddles, to propel the mystery forward. yet the mystery is not the sole content of any story. recently i caught up on the magnus archives (if you like audio horror.... please give it a go) and in the q&a after the most recent season they were discussing constructing a mystery. horror, of course, must have some sort of mystery. as they discussed character arcs coming to head, they brought up how such a thing can sacrifice the mystery-- poirot's character development consists of not knowing who killed someone to knowing who did it.

this is not to say that truly devious sacrifices some mystery or some character development for the sake of the other. rather, truly devious operates as two different stories with the same cast, contained in one trilogy. stevie solves the mystery. and stevie gains friends and a romance.

i prefer the mystery.

the mystery, at the very least, does not stand on weak willed politics.

there's two main issues here, in my opinion. one is the issue of representation while still wanting to write a straight romance between two white teenagers. the second is that johnson wrote this during the results of the 2016 american election and its awful aftermath. these are understandable-- at least the latter one-- because no one worthwhile has been positively impacted by this. there are of course several problems with this. the first is what i'll call representation lite. "representation" or "diversity" is something in these cases that are dolled out to a larger cast of characters so there is a variety, instead of any real issues impacting a singular person. instead of any real depth these "representations" get to have, the audience can see them and, if they want, feel included. or they can ignore them. the audience in the know can pick up on them -- stevie's best friend janelle is a lesbian, and janelle's partner is nonbinary. there is a minor character with a physical disability. stevie herself suffers from an anxiety disorder, which is the only one of these things that is talked about beyond mentioning for mentioning's sake.

one thing that struck me as a very sour note occurs in a chapter from the perspective of a witness to the original crime, a friend of albert ellingham, founder of the school. leonard holmes nair (subtlety is for adult novels), talking to some students about how he knows dorothy parker, says, verbatim, "i am a friend of dorothy's".

now. several things. i didn't need this line to know he was gay. you nailed that one maureen, without having to discuss sexuality at all. to a modern audience, that's what this line specifies. in certain contexts it would be amusing-- it is innocuous in 1935, but in 2020, it's full of meaning. the film did not even come out until '39, and i'm not sure when the phrase came to mean what it means now. a kind of circular joke, that is meaningless both to the joke teller and his audience, yet full of subtext to both the author and the readers. it's interesting. it's also a little bit insidious and what i dislike about this novel revolves around it. it is a joke under layers and layers that you must already know something about to know what it means. and yet if you don't you miss it and you miss nothing. it's the "representation" in this novel-- it's buried and it's minor and you can miss it easily, and while it may be well intentioned, its existence is more insulting than inviting.

it's second major flaw is its attempt at a political message. it suffers as much liberalism suffers, by drawing an arbitrary line in the sand where doing the right thing is the goal, if you have someone you like pushing you to do it, but it's ok to fall short if it inconveniences you, scares you, is considered illegal in any way.

here is a minor example: a character who studies environmental science talks about writing a paper about all of the plastic in the ocean. not two chapters later he talks about how he likes tuna salad, as if the majority of plastic in the ocean didn't come from the fishing industry. i'd chalk this up to author ignorance (and not character ignorance because i think teenagers are smarter than that) but johnson is vegetarian, maybe vegan; she is at the very least a big fan of isa chandra moskowitz, noted vegan cookbook author. (if you care about the environment.... go vegan).

here is a bigger example: throughout the novel there is a commentary on a fictional senator who could very well be a number of real senators. he's your run of the mill republican, in my opinion: racist scaremonger who wants a "return to personal responsibility". stevie's parents work for his campaign, despite her personal objections to him. after making out with a housemate several times, she discovers he is the senator's son. the kid is supposed to be just as against his father as stevie is, although he is, in perhaps the politest way i can phrase it, chaotic as fuck.

maybe i am just jaded but i can't imagine anyone with money not being tainted by their parent's politics that work to get them this money. yet they do end up together, and a large part of the secondary, non-mystery plot is her love interest's work to ruin his father's bid for presidency.

there is a turning point where, the boy and some friends (not stevie and her friends, because it Felt Wrong) find out that his father has been blackmailing shady people for campaign finances. great. until, instead of exposing them, they decide to destroy the information, because it is less illegal.

oh..... ok? i mean, if he got dirt on these people i don't think he couldn't do it again. if he reports it to the press, he destroys his father's bid for presidency and the lives of the awful people he's extorting. it's a win-win scenario. will the kid go to jail? maybe, but even if his father is pressing charges against him, he's still a rich white boy. he'll be ok. doing something illegal for the greater good is ok. lots of things were once illegal. that doesn't make them immoral. maybe doing the right thing, like absolutely destroying any chance your awful father has at holding a position of power, is better than taking an easy way out.

maybe, if you want to write a mystery, write a mystery, and if you want to write something political, don't feature the police as a trustworthy organization.

but what do i know.

[specsnsarcasm]

My Review of... ‘Passengers’

I finally got around to seeing the movie Passengers (2016) and umm… what the hecking heck was that?!?!

[Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD!]

CASTING PROBLEMS:

First of all, I know it’s supposed to be everybody’s cinematic wet dream, putting Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt together (the way people wanted to see what the offspring of the two so-called “most beautiful people in the world” - Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt - would look like). It was the people’s experiment! Put these two “likeable”, “relatable”, “funny”, good-looking people together, and watch the movie magic unfold! So riddle me this: why put these two in a sci-fi drama of all things, when a simple rom-com would have sufficed!?

Second, I don’t think these two had much chemistry. Sure, they don’t do anything empirically wrong (save a little overacting here and there), but I just didn’t believe them as a couple. I was very aware that I was watching two people acting the way you think two people should when they’re in love. You can practically see the weight of everyone’s expectations on their shoulders. Be sexy! Be charming! Be perfect! I wondered if they had any fun making this movie at all!

I also found something very odd about this pairing. Maybe it’s the age difference (25, at the time, to his 36)? I find that Lawrence tends to play too mature for her real age, playing a lot of late-20′s or 30-something characters. She has lots of time for that, but I guess she’s highly bankable right now and can physically play a wide range? Hollywood is not kind to women. They cast a 25 year old as a 35 year old, and a 35 year old as dust (but that’s another story). Or maybe it’s the imbalance of star power? She is arguably the bigger star. Either way, something was off. 

I maintain that Pratt’s best work is as a comedic actor. I know he’s trying to branch out or whatever, but I just don’t buy him as a “leading man”. Not in an all-out, dramatic role. Not yet, anyway. He was good in Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) as the wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. And in Jurassic World (2015) as a more rugged, wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. And in The Magnificent Seven (2016) as an EVEN MORE rugged, wise-cracking, cocksure rebel. He just didn’t quite fit the bill here for me. Although he plays it straight, he kept making me laugh unintentionally (that’s the problem with getting typecast). Especially with three, count em’, one, two, THREE gratuitous butt shots. (We get it!!! BUTTS!). Anyway, dozens of other, half-decent “name” actors could have done a perfectly serviceable job in this role, so by casting Pratt, you’re asking for something that only Pratt can do well. Let him do his thing if that’s why you like him so much!

CHARACTER/STORY PROBLEMS:

Right away, the movie has parallels to the extremely hard-to-top The Martian (2015). But this film has neither the charm, humour, or the gravitas. I found myself comparing Jim to Mark Watney. Both are stranded and alone, both have technical skills. However, unlike Jim, Mark has the mental fortitude NOT to crack almost immediately under pressure. Not that I judge Jim, but the emotional progression in The Martian seems more steady and realistic than in this, which dealt with its characters' emotional journeys very superficially. I didn’t feel that the movie did a good enough job of tapping into Jim’s early despair, psychology, or the agoraphobia of space. At one point when things start to go wrong with the ship, Lawrence’s character says that she was trapped in her room for days. Show me, don’t tell me! That would have been interesting to see! Just as it would have been interesting to see (not just glean) how Jim and Aurora live out the remainder of their years. I thought the movie would eventually get to it. They don’t. Superficiality was a running theme.   

Another one of the film’s downfalls is the lack of curiosity about its own premise: the science fiction of it all! I wondered about their training on Earth beforehand, and why Jim doesn’t scan through the other bios to find a doctor, biologist, or another engineer - someone with whom he can work the problem! I want so badly for Jim to “science the shit” out of something, as Watney does. Instead, he opts for the company of the aptly named (if not a little on-the-nose) sleeping beauty, Aurora; a writer, who isn’t very helpful in that regard. For such a futuristic premise, the story is disappointingly regressive. (i.e. a love interest with nothing to offer but being pretty? Okay). 

The two of them experience no real sense of existential wonder/dread, curiosity about the ship, about the technology, about space. It's all restaurants and fucking on cafeteria tables! They might as well have been at an Earth resort! At one point, they are literally standing up close to a Red Giant, but they look at it for all of two seconds before they’re like “OK cool. Welp! Let’s go have sex now!” This isn’t so much a science fiction movie as it is a 'bottle' drama, that happens to be set on a space ship. The location is completely secondary, and the beautiful visuals of space and the ship are just convenient backdrops to the “will they or won’t they?” romance. *Sigh*.

One of the most interesting parts of the story, I found, which they don't even discuss, is the nebulous “Homestead Corporation”. It manufactures faulty pods, and even in the future on other planets, it treats passengers by class. I wonder what sort of civilization they hope to create on a new planet by doing this. Is this the reality that people have accepted in the future? Is there any opposition to this? By whom? They mention other colonies: what do they look like? How do they function politically? Do other countries or competing companies possess these technologies too? Is it completely private, non-governmental or governmental? If so, do countries own planets, or is it just corporations? They could make a whole movie out of this! (Copyright: Specsnsarcasm, 2017. haha)! In essence, it’s similar to the Weyland Corporation in Alien (1979) & Prometheus (2012).

MAJOR PROBLEMS

Arthur and its whole vibe. I was instantly creeped out by Arthur the android (played by the delightful Martin Sheen). It operates a bar that is decorated in 70′s decor that is reminiscent of The Shining (1980). The reason for this retro aesthetic is kind of confusing and jarring on such a futuristic vessel (but sure!). But it also primed me to think that, like the bartender in The Shining, there was something amiss about Arthur. It befriends (as much as an android can) Jim first, then Aurora. Early on, Jim entrusts it not to divulge his terrible secret to Aurora. A promise which Arthur makes, yet readily betrays. But why would Arthur tell her? It’s an android, it has no moral imperative to divulge the truth. Nor does it have any reason to show loyalty to Aurora over Jim or betray an expressed request. This tricked me into thinking there was an Alien/Prometheus situation going on with Arthur, in that it was secretly behind some of the mischief that was going on aboard the ship. But OF COURSE that turned out to be a red herring (because that would be TOO interesting). The reason for Arthur’s slip is NEVER explained, nor is it ever addressed. Jim isn’t even mad! He doesn’t even find it strange that he was outed by the machine, and they literally never mention it again. WTF?  

Laurence Fishburne is utterly wasted in this film! Practically blink-and-you’ll-miss-him (rude)! He only wakes up so that the two protagonist can have a mind-boggling, deus ex machina way of saving themselves with his security clearance bracelet thingie. And why was his pod the only faulty pod to cause terminal illness? (THAT'S RACIST! Jk. lol). Shouldn’t Jim have also had some health problems, though less severe? (Sometimes I wonder why Larry and Sam Jackson put up with this shit, but ANYway...👀). Also embarrassingly wasted in his role is Andy Garcia there at the end. Poor, poor Andy. Such disrespect! He grew that great big beautiful bushy beard for nothing! lol.

Also, why is there only ONE medical pod on a ship with 5000 ppl and 258 crew? That ratio seems dangerously low and irresponsible to me, even if they were only intended to survive on the ship out of suspension for 4 months before reaching the planet.

CONCLUSION

In the end, I’m not upset because this was a romance posing as sci-fi film. I would have loved to see a good sci-fi OR a good romance movie. Unfortunately, this rather middling on both fronts. It had boundless potential, and I guess I just expected more. With the quality of TV shows these days (as well as the price of a movie), you’re going to have to do a lot more than toss two good looking people on screen with some candy coloured effects to get people interested.  

I suspect this film started out as an entirely different movie than the one we ended up with (judging from the big name actors in almost cameo roles). Perhaps it had more of a sci-fi story, but it was changed to feature the love story more heavily?

On the pairing: as much as the internet likes to get its way and see the fruits of its fan pairings come to life on screen, I think this is a cautionary tale about how real life sometimes falls short of our imagination (see: the Veronica Mars movie). It’s also yet another cautionary tale for Hollywood about why they need to re-evaluate their strategy of big budget SFX movies with paltry scripts. The ability to develop interesting, in-depth characters is why cable television and streaming services are eclipsing movies, who routinely struggle to meet box-office expectations. 

[Note: These are just my opinions. I’m not a professional critic, I just like to watch movies and write about them!].

[batwingsandblackcats]

Talk to me about The Magicians

*Rubs my gay little hands together*

So this post took about 1200000 years and I’m so sorry, I was trying to create a comprehensive trigger warning list, but I just haven’t had the time to rewatch both season to take them all down. I so, so appreciate you sending this when I was having a bad night.

Prepare for a stupid long post because I’ve been waiting for a good excuse to gush about this masterpiece of a show. Nothing will top my love of Carmilla but this is right there under it. This is basically all the stories you loved as a kid in a very adult context.

I’m going to try to make this as spoiler free as humanly possible while still detailing the great aspects of it, but there are a couple things I will spoil, because I feel like it’s important to know going in because of possible triggers.

Also I just found out that five episodes were directed by Carrie Fisher so no wonder why it’s so fucking good.

The Magicians is basically a mishmash of Harry Potter, Spiderwick, and Narnia. This is the first time ever that I’ve liked a film/tv adaptation more than the book. Also considering how TV is going lately, I’m deeply impressed by how they’ve handled 98% of things.

This show has done the literal opposite of whitewashing, which I find fucking incredible. In the book, about three (very) minor characters are specifically described as poc, like by specific nationality (the descriptions also seemed pretty racist/stereotypical) and the rest are either ambiguously described in terms of race, described as pale, or specifically stated as white, so I’m kind of going with the thought that that probably means they’re basically all white since Lev Grossman so specifically pointed out other character’s races. But hey that just leaves ample room for headcanoning which the casting director seems to have taken advantage of beautifully.

All the main characters are very rich and complex, and even minor characters with limited screen time are interesting.

(If I phrase something wrong and it comes out offensive, please know that it’s not intentional and please tell me so I fix it.)

Here’s a run down of the main characters:

Quentin Coldwater– (Played by Jason Ralph) Ambiguously described in the book but white in the show, bisexual, clinically depressed. Neither his bisexuality or depression is just ‘in theory’ in the show, it’s clearly shown, and he mentions being hospitalized in the past for his depression. Jason also does a great job displaying symptoms of anxiety.

Alice Quin– (Played by Olivia Taylor-Dudley) Ambiguously described in the book, white in the show. She’s presumably straight (there hasn’t really been any indication that she might not be) and incredibly brilliant. Think Hermione but shyer with an angry streak at being continuously underestimated, and with about a crap ton of baggage.

Penny Adiyodi– Described as looking like–and I quote here–an “overfed white suburban gangsta” in the book, played by Arjun Gupta, who is Indian, in the show, straight as far as I can tell. Very talented. Has an angry streak, but also has the capacity to be very sweet (reluctantly, and tries to hide it with sarcasm) and is very loyal.

Julia Wicker– (Played by Stella Maeve) Described as ‘pale and freckled’ in the book, but I’m not sure what her background is in the show. I tried looking up the actress but I didn’t find anything. She’s incredibly determined, brave, smart and resourceful and doesn’t take no for an answer when it comes to her goals and her friends. (She’s a total Slytherin.)

Dean Henry Fogg– (Played by Rick Worthy) Described as pale, blonde and blue-eyed in the book, but he’s black in the show, and later becomes disabled, but after recovery it doesn’t slow him down any. Dean of Brakebills University, he’s smart, blunt and commanding with a weird sense of humor.

Eliot Waugh– (Played by Hale Appleman) Ambiguously described in the book, white in the show. Flamingly gay and portrayed pretty damn beautifully by Hale, where it was prety bit fetish-y in the book. He’s an addict/alcoholic but isn’t demonized for it. His best friend gets exasperated/annoyed with him sometimes because he does tend to get high at the most inopportune times but that’s the worst of it. There’s a few jokes about it but nothing hurtful. He’s also clearly depressed, hence his not so great coping methods, and it’s implied that he has a homophobic/religious family.

Margo Hansen– Ambiguously described in the book (also her name in the book is Janet) played by Summer Bishil, who is part Indian. At first seems like your typical beautiful, bitchy female character, but is soon revealed to be deviously smart, loyal, aware of her own flaws and determined to fix her own messes. Oddly tender sometimes. Has a really wonderful (admittedly codependent, but it works. It’s implied in the book that she was in love with Eliot but that’s so not the case in the show.) tight platonic relationship with Eliot, and both of them really step up to the plate in S2.

Kady Orloff-Diaz– Ambiguously described in the book (also named Amanda Orloff in the book) played by Jade Taylor, who is part Indian/Israili. She’s had a really fucking rough life but is ride or die for the people she loves, and she’s exceptionally good at battle magic, a type of magic outlawed at Brakebills. She’s also an addict like Eliot, but is in recovery with the help of Julia, and Jade has expressed on twitter how important it is to her to portray a realistic recovery arc.

Other awesome bits

the queer/female/poc characters in power (Dean/King/Queen/etc) outnumber the (presented as) straight, white males in power. Eight queer/female/poc characters in power to five straight white males in power, who are mostly villains or characters who just cause trouble.

The male characters are allowed to show emotion and grieve, which is far too rare in media. They’re shown crying, expressing love both romantically and platonically, they clearly express fear, anger (but not in an abusive way towards others) and concern for each other.

The show is blatantly pro-choice, which is indicated by a sub-plot.

A minor character in S1 who’s present in five episodes, and one episode in S2, is played by a trans woman.

There’s a very genuine, affectionate and intimate relationship for a good portion of S1 between Eliot and another man. None of this basically platonic relationship with the odd kiss bullshit, and it’s not fetish-y.

A well respected male professor in the book is a woman in the show. And she’s hilarious.

The m/f romances in the show are on the healthier end of what I’ve seen on TV. They’re not perfect, but they’re pretty damn good. Both relationships are very supportive, aside from a couple issues.

There’s no pair the spares. A few female characters are single for long lengths of time.

They actually let male and female characters be friends without having them bang. Most of the time. I think the most important relationship to remain platonic, did.

There’s pretty good racial diversity in minor characters and extras, as well as a few with disabilities.

Deals with child abuse/sexual abuse victims and how those characters handle their trauma differently. Some turn out good, some don’t.

The plot is very cohesive and doesn’t spin off into nonsense. There’s only one tiny sub-plot that lasted for about an episode and a half where it seemed like they had to cut their losses.

There aren’t any characters that don’t have a reason to be there. The closest one to that only shows up once in a while and seems to really just be there for some comic relief, but basically every character has a solid reason for being present.

the show is self aware in the way that it pokes fun at itself because all the characters have read Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and now they’re suddenly in a story like that.

The only ‘jokes’ having to do with race (as far as I can tell, I’m white so I’m not the best judge of this but I didn’t see anything particularly alarming) are the poc characters–mostly Penny–calling the white characters out on their racism.

Also a few of the female characters, mostly Margo, call out misogyny and patriarchal bullshit when they see it.

PTSD, handled differently by different characters with varying degrees of success, but portrayed pretty well.

The sex scenes seem a little more realistic than what’s usually portrayed on TV–they’re awkward sometimes and there’s a scene where the woman actually explains to the guy what she likes (and he listens!!) which was pretty damn refreshing.

Trigger warnings

This show has about 9000 triggers in it, I’m not gonna lie. Like I said above, I was trying to find time to rewatch both seasons to take down all the possible triggers, but I just haven’t had the time. Please feel free to tack on any I missed.

Depression/anxiety/imagery of psych wards  S1E1 and S1E4

Alcohol/drug addiction/abuse (like seriously I’ve seen one character, one time, drink something other than alcohol.) Throughout S1, less but still present in S2.

Blood and gore. Like, a ton of blood and gore, but it’s toned way down in S2.

Graphic animal abuse (fairly brief, you can skip it by jumping forward 30 seconds)

Graphic depictions of suicide (only during one episode, and they added a hotline before rolling the credits at the end)

Graphic depictions of rape (again, they added a hotline. Only in one episode but there are brief flashbacks in following episodes.)

Graphic verbal/physical child abuse and strongly implied sexual child abuse All three present in S1E9, mentions in later episodes

Depictions of PTSD 

Cancer and cancer symptoms S1E5

Okay, so, fair warning. At the end of S1, the queer story lines look pretty dismal. But, if you can get through that, they do something towards the end of S2 that, as far as I’m aware, is pretty close to revolutionary in terms of queer rep on TV. Honestly I don’t know how they got away with both showing it, and using the proper terminology.

All that being said, I fucking hate the book.

Fight me.

[hxrryspotter]

I think, while mental illness and homosexuality are important topics, it's still necessary for people to realise that the show is super white, and not perfect. There was a running joke amongst swedes that "it's surprising that they managed to cast so many POC's" because Norway take in so few immigrants (compared to Sweden). Jokes aside, the representation might be accurate for Norway, but obv I can't tell because I live in Sweden. But it's still important to acknowledge and be upset about. >>

Talking about Isak and Even being "white boys" is just stating facts. They are both white and that is an issue. Let's be honest with ourselves, we have seen white gay boys on film before. So that is not as revolutionary as for example Moonlight. That had almost never been depicted in that way before. And people did not react the same way with that movie, a huge fandom did not blow up and people did not write hundreds fanfics about them. It's so interesting.>>

I’m not saying that Even and Isak are a horrible couple (it’s actually scary how accurately it told a story that is almost identical to one of my friends and his boyfriend). Both parts of this discussion need to realise that while this story might be comforting to bi people (though Even is not confirmed to be bi), or people who are dealing with mental illness, the whiteness is REAL to put it frankly, and people are less keen on a black, gay couple.

That's all I had to say, sorry for ramling.

im really really tired. really tired. no ones saying that skam is the most diverse show they’ve ever seen and if they do then that’s their ignorance not mine. i can list at 4 shows with a more diverse cast than skam.

i know they’re white, that’s their skin color. the only problem is was that op making it sound like isak and even are just two regular white boys in a mlm relationship and how unrealistic it is for sana to confide in even. call them white? they are white. (and so are the girl squad besides sana - which some people got really angry at us for pointing right back. calling it lesbophobia which is really hypocritical bc isnt them being white... a fact? an observation?) but dont start erasing the shit they went through that also makes them a minority like sana. they all get discriminated against in this world, for sure at different levels of severity and completely different situations but the three of them know how it feels. but especially even and sana. and yeah - there’s heaps of fetishizers in this fandom but i dont appreciate when people come at me like i am one when they clearly haven’t been on my blog for very long. i’d love isak x even x sana scenes but honestly? i want sana x even scenes much more. and i want nothing fucking more than for the girl squad to realize how sana is feeling and they can all become much closer after it. 

its’ so interesting bc it’s racism. bc a lot of white people just aren’t as interested in black lives lets be real hey. i was at dinner the other night with a couple friends and we were talking about shows. they mentioned all the most common popular netflix ones but when i asked them abt the get down and dear white people they looked at me like’ what are you talking about, never heard of them??’ its shitty but that’s reality and its gross af. but you know what?

do you think i related to dear white people? i watched it all in two days, i loved it so much i wanna recommend it to everyone. but i dont relate to the characters? my skins white.so what i dont like is when some people in this fandom act incredibly rude bc some of us really stan even and an even x sana friendship. if you go to my blog and look up my tags for the posts i make, i care just as much about sana and her wellbeing right now and it lowkey fuckin hurts when people just throw words at me like ‘islamophobe’ and racist when im..... not. when i fucking care about all this stuff, when yall dont even actually know me. i dont want a fucking medal, i dont want pity. i dont want anything besides for people not to send me hate or tell me im a fake who can go choke. even you sending this msg its like. you’re trying to educate me but you’re saying things i’ve already said weeks ago... im just tired. i wanna enjoy this show but i can not for the life of me not say shit or not express that i want a sana x even friendship. it doesnt mean i hate the girls, lmao i adore them. i lost track of where i was going but yeah. that’s all i guess. 

[mst3kproject]

Voodoo Woman

This movie was directed by Edward L. Cahn, who brought us The She Creature.  Its stars include Marla English, who was Andrea in The She Creature; Tom Conway, who was Mr. Chapple in The She Creature; and Lance Fuller, who was Dr. Ted Ericson in... you guessed it, The She Creature.  The monster suit is the She Creature with a different mask, although this time they have the good sense not to ever linger on a shot of it.  And the plot, about a weirdo turning women into monsters for no reason that is ever explained, is also from The She Creature.  It's like everybody involved in the earlier movie said, “well, that sucked – can we have a do-over?” and then they made Voodoo Woman.

Is it any better?  Uh... I honestly don't know how to answer that. It is definitely five thousand percent more racist.

The mad Dr. Gerhart has teamed up with voodoo priest Chaka to turn a young woman named Zuranda into a telepathically-controlled murderous monster.  The transformation works, but as soon as Gerhart orders the monster to kill, the spell breaks and she changes back.  Chaka declares that the problem is Zuranda herself just doesn't have a murderous disposition – Gerhart will have to find a subject with a little more innate bloodlust.  His wife Susan is much too meek for his purposes, but it just so happens that there's a party of thieves in this neck of the jungle, and their leader Marilyn is particularly merciless.  Perfect!

One thing that does make Voodoo Woman suck less than its sister movie is that this time, the cast actually looks interested. Lance Fuller and Marla English mumbled their way through The She Creature without emotion, looking and sounding as if they neither knew nor cared what was going on.  They're not entirely to blame for this, since the script gave them nothing much to work with: their characters were dull and passive and the story made no sense.  In Voodoo Woman they're playing villains, and seem to be having fun with these more proactive characters.

The non-She-Creature actors aren't bad, either.  I'm absolutely astonished how well Otis Greene does with his cringeworthy lines as Bobo (yes, Bobo) the manservant.  Martin Wilkins is unenthusiastic but serviceable as Chaka the voodoo priest... the 'unenthusiastic' part is probably because he spent most of his career playing voodoo priests and characters with names like 'Zimba' (in Panther Girl of the Congo) and 'Gamboso' (in Bomba and the Jungle Girl - is there a pattern here?).  I can't really say anything about Jean Davis as Zuranda because she has basically nothing to do, but Mary Ellen Kaye as Susan Gerhardt is pretty decent.  In fact, she has a certain amount of chemistry with both Conway and Greene, although none at all with her Designated Love Interest, Ted.  Ted himself is played rather blandly by an actor we’ve seen before in Swamp Diamonds.  He calls himself 'Touch Connors', which is the gay-porn-iest screen name I have ever seen outside of actual gay porn.

All the actors get a little help from the fact that the plot is not quite so baffling as it was in the She Creature.  Dr. Gerhardt's desire to create a murderous female monster doesn't make any more sense than Dr. Carlo Lombardi's, but for some reason the how part works better.  Lombardi's weird hypnosis thing is highly contrived in order to shove the 'reincarnation' thing in with it, and mostly just makes everybody's eyes cross as we try to figure it out. Voodoo Woman basically tells us, “a wizard and a mad scientist did it!”, and the audience just accepts that.

Of course, my willingness to accept it probably has a lot to do with my ignorance of actual voodoo and the fact that media like this has taught me to think of it as sorcery.  I have grave doubts whether this movie has any more to do with voodoo than The She Creature did with hypnosis.  Even much more recent film-makers (hello, Disney) seem to consider the word 'voodoo' a license to make shit up – as long as you have a few skulls lying around and stick some pins in a doll, it counts as voodoo.  Movies frequently take a similar 'it's all in the accessories' approach to Native American spirituality or Asian medicine, with the assumption that the (white) audience will believe those funny foreign people are capable of anything.

So let's talk about race in this movie.  Oh, boy.

The She Creature's ethnic stereotypes were limited to making fun of Swedish people.  In Voodoo Woman we get an entire African Village Set full of caricatures too broad even for The Leech Woman (although they have the sense not to emphasize the fakeness with stock footage of Actual Africa).  It's not that the movie is unsympathetic towards these characters.  Even when they're doing pretty sketchy stuff, they're still presented as victims of the violence Dr. Gerhardt has introduced into their world.  It's that even when kindly disposed towards them, the film can only see the as types, not as human beings.

Zuranda (played by a white actress in a lot of body paint) is nothing but the Helpless Native Maiden.  She never speaks, although she screams a lot, and she meets an ignominious end when one of Marilyn's followers rapes and strangles her.  Bobo the servant (Bobo. For fuck's sake) is a Man Friday, obedient and sexless and probably supposed to be much younger than Greene, who was thirty-three when he played the role.  Chaka the Witch Doctor comes closest to having a character arc – he seems occasionally conflicted about what he and Gerhardt are doing and what the gods (not to mention the villagers) are going to think about it, but persists because of his own greed.

I want to doubt that this movie actually set out to say anything about racial friction in colonial Africa, but the conflicts it shows us do follow a clear pattern.  The white characters live in constant fear of black violence.  Dr. Gerhardt is aware that his relationship with Chaka is the only thing keeping the villagers from killing him or driving him away.  Susan is terrified of her husband but does not try to run away because she is even more frightened of Gando, the tribesman he has hired to guard the house.  Marilyn's hired guide, Ted, repeatedly warns against going into certain areas or interrupting ceremonies, because the punishment is death.

Despite all this, though, it is always, always the white characters who strike first.  Ted has to stop the others from attacking the man who's been following them through the jungle, because to do so would be to provoke retaliation.  Left alone, all the man does is watch, but their fear of him leads to them thinking they must strike first.  When the treasure hunters are eventually attacked and captured, it is because the villagers want justice for the murder of Zuranda, which was even less 'provoked' than an attack on the following man would have been.

Dr. Gerhardt seems to have far more reason to be afraid of the villagers, but again, it's his own fault.  He knows very well that he has profaned their sacred spaces and destroyed homes and families with his monsters.  He accuses the natives of human sacrifice, but the way he talks about the ritual makes it clear that the sacrifice is itself a form of justice as well as a religious rite – the usual victim is 'some tribesman who has fallen out of favour'.  It is no surprise, and does indeed feel like justice, when the community chooses Dr. Gerhardt himself as this year's sacrifice.

Even when there is black-on-black violence in this film, it is always prompted by the white characters.  The monsterized Zuranda attacks a home, but does so under Dr. Gerhardt's control.  Bobo (his fucking name is Bobo.  I cannot get over that) offers to deliver a letter for Susan and is murdered by Gando, but is this again at Dr. Gerhardt's orders.  The presence of this domineering white man drives people to violent acts they would not have committed on their own.  He is defeated only when he encounters somebody more violent than himself, in the form of Marilyn.

Again, I don't think this was intentional.  I really doubt the film-makers sat down and thought about using this story to present the idea that the fear of inter-racial violence is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The weirdest part is that the commentary on race relations isn't even the only subtext you can tease out of Voodoo Woman. There's points at which the movie also seems to be talking about abusive relationships!  Dr. Gerhart treats his wife the same way he treats his monsters.  He tells Marilyn, as she is about to become the creature, “as long as you live, I will be your master.  You have no life other than that I give you.”  This is very much analagous to how he treats Susan, keeping her locked up and threatening to have her killed if she disobeys him.  Viewed in this light, it seems very significant indeed that the monsters are female, and that Gerhardt uses them to indulge his own desire to kill – it's an even more thoroughly twisted version of look what you made me do.

Come to think of it... although both Zuranda and Marilyn have dark hair, the monsters are blonde.  In light of the undercurrent of racial tension, this, too, is interesting.

Another set of ideas about sexual violence seem to be manifest in Marilyn.  As in The She-Creature, we have a sexually aggressive woman as a villain (Edmund L. Cahn had either an issue or a kink – I can't decide which), but the interesting part is that Marilyn's way of expressing this is stereotypically male.  She gets obvious sexual pleasure from watching men fight, like a man might from seeing women wrestle.  She persists in trying to seduce Ted after he's made it clear he's not interested, and seems to consider her multiple lovers a source of power rather than a source of shame.  These things make her threatening to the male viewer in a similar way to how a strange man in a dark parking garage might seem threatening to a woman.  I could write a damn thesis on that alone.

In the end, I don't know what to do with Voodoo Woman.  It's either a tacky racist movie, or a tacky racist movie that tackles some very weighty social issues.  Fortunately for us fans of MST3K fodder, it's also an amusing tacky racist movie.  The embarrassed extras, unconvincing 'jungle' sets, stupid monsters, and a gratuitous musical number (oh yes) make it fun to riff with friends.

And then there's Bobo.  They named a character Bobo and we're supposed to take that seriously.  Good god.

[eli-reviewsthings]

10 Ten movies of 2016

Hey everybody. That hellish year is over, and now we can spend some time looking back at all the shit things were made that we were forced to sit through, and appreciate the great ones!

10. The Lobster: Not gonna lie, I was tempted to not put this and number 9 even on this list, but god. So many bad movies came out I kinda didnt have much else to put on here. Not saying the Lobster is a bad movie, it is not, just. Difficult. This movie was difficult to watch, and probably the second most uncomfortable movie I saw this year. There were a plethora of scenes that were made me squirm in my very uncomfortable seat. The most notable of which is a woman viying for the affection of the main character botches a suicide attempt and sits, dying slowly on the ground screaming while the main character attempts to flirt with a hot sociopath. And thats kinda a lot of the movie; violent and awkward. Much to my surprise, the movie ended up being an amazing look at love and relationships, and actually had some scenes that were genuinely touching, partly because of how cold, sterile, and viscous the rest of the movie was. The biggest problem that I have with this movie however, comes from my frustration with the ending. It goes in line with movies like Birdman, that just dont seem to know how to end. Note to future directors and writers: Ambiguity is a fine tool, but understand that not having a satisfying ending is not always a good thing. 

9. The Neon Demon: Whatever about the actual movie, its NWR (as he’s calling himself nowadays, groan) and I liked it, but. But. I must tell you all about the most stressful day I’ve ever had, and how it made this movie the most nerve racking experience of my life. I was staying at a hotel for anime expo with four other friends, when we were woken up at 4am by three things all happening at once: 1, the fire alarm went off, prompting 2, one of the guys woke up screaming from a nightmare while 3, one of the other guys decided to start screaming FIRE and both took off running down the hall. Later we learned it was a false alarm but I thought we were being murdered. After that I couldn’t sleep so I watched Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared which was disturbing and then the fire alarm went off 4 more times prompting one of the guys to scream every time. The I saw the Neon Demon. And honestly, it was such a stressful experience I have a hard time actually thinking about the movie because all I remember is being on my very last nerve and on the brink of a panic attack.

8. 10 Cloverfield Lane: You spend a lot of time looking at Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s ass and she is the most resourceful protagonist I’ve ever seen. It’s also a Cloverfield sequel which I love and John Goodman is a villain. Literally what more could you want. 

7. Rouge One: One of the best Star Wars films by far, I actually really enjoyed Rouge One, much more than I thought I would. It did a good job developing it’s character over the course of the movie, something Star Wars has literally never done without being either extremely cliched or just plain bad. My only complaints were that a, its still way too easy to just beat Stormtroopers with sticks, though I did appreciate the breaking glass, and b, the final fight was almost impossible to follow who was where and where the enemies were coming from. Besides that, fun action movie with some really solid performances and Alan Turdyk which is all you could want from a sci fi film.

6. The Nice Guys: Listening to Ryan Gosling scream after getting his ass kicked by Russel Crowe was one of the funniest things I got to see this year. Honestly though, this was a wonderful little gem of a movie and I really enjoyed every second of it. Not the best plot, and some kinda lame character development but hey, it was the best example of slapstick humor done well I’ve seen in years. Really, just such a fun film to watch.

5. Sing: I’m really surprised myself to see this movie so high on my list but the more I thought about the movie the more I enjoyed it. I’m a theater guy, I have a degree in theater and I’ve been doing musicals since 5th grade, so a movie about the magic of theater was really lovely to sit through. It did an amazing job of taking an incredibly broad array of music and bringing it together, and then making a white kid basically be a British Weekend, but hey besides that I loved the film. Sure it had tons and tons and tons of flaws but, I’m willing to forgive a lot because films are about enjoyment and sometimes you just have to find a film, acknowledge its not the best, and love it all the same.

4. Magnificent 7: Speaking of films that aren’t the best but I loved, this is easily the best action movie to come out in years. Also, one of the few movies to do a large ensemble cast, give all the characters equal development and, almost, equal screen time and have them all feel unique. Top it off with a diverse cast, some amazing shoot outs and you the perfect recipe for a great western.

3. Deadpool: Just go and watch the title sequence. Thats why I love this movie. Deadpool as a character has a tendency to annoy me but damn Ryan Reynolds did a great job walking that thin line and delivered the best iteration of Deadpool I’ve ever seen. The movie is was the only superhero movie to come out this year, that I saw, that wasn’t the exact same garbage nonsense we’ve seen what feels like a thousand times by now. Yeah, I’m looking at you, you piece of utter shit Civil War. Or, as it should be called: We didn’t have a good fight choreographer and uh Bucky can block a shotgun blast with his hand and somehow Caps team which is basically just a bunch of normal dudes and scarlet witch, and somehow they beat iron mans team cause the writers are lazy and just churning out these pieces of shit at this point, no I’m not just angry about Cap making out with that blonde bitch after Peggy died, fuck you that movie was a complete mess and you know it. That felt good, glad I got that off my chest, lets get back to Deadpool, because it has the camera guy from Cloverfield in it and I love him and this movie was a beautiful breath of fresh air and left me very excited about the next guardians of the galaxy because hopefully it wont fall into the same traps the rest of marvel has.

2. Your Name/ Kimi no na Wa: Mokoto Shinkai could animate himself taking a shit and I’d probably love every second of it. Seriously though, I love his work, and this film was the best he’s done since Voices From a Distant Star. It has heart, gorgeous animation, great characters, and a nice dose of humor that is usually absent in his films. It’s an amazing film and if it doesn’t win best animated film at the oscar’s then they’re racist and they have no taste.

1. Arrival: When me and my mom got into the car after seeing this she started bawling. Just sobbing uncontrollably. Normally when my mom gets emotional its over things I consider dumb or just not worth crying over but this time I understood it. This movie might be one of the more moving things I’ve seen in awhile. Way back in the day, I read a book called My Name is Asher Lev, and the book starts with a quote from Kafka: “A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us.” This has always been something of my compass for what separates a good thing from a great one. And by god this movie was great. Sure, it is a little cheesy, I’ll be the first to admit that, but I just don’t care. Cheesy or not this film spoke to me in ways a movie hasn’t in too long. I choking back tears so many times during the film and Amy Adams performance was masterful. This is easily the best film I’ve seen this year, and will make my list of best films of all times. I’ve seen almost all of Dennis Villenvue’s films up to Arrival, and his films have a tendency of being very dispassionate and emotionally sterile and it was truly wonderful to see him make a movie that was bursting at the seems with feeling. I could sing the praises of this film forever so I’ll end it there.

So there we have it, 10 films I saw this year and left the theater going, “Man that wasn’t as shitty as some of the other films I saw this year that was nice!” Now theres some films that just didn’t make the cut so heres some honorable mentions:

Finding Dory, Train to Busan, Kubo and the Two Strings, Star Trek Beyond and Girl on the Train.

And now some of the Shittiest movies I had the complete displeasure sitting through: Civil War (huge surprise), Don’t Breathe, Ghostbusters, Jason Bourne, and I’m sure theyre some I’m forgetting cause I don’t want to remember them.

Allin in all there were a lot of films I wanted to see that I didn’t get to, but hopefully this year I can make a list of 10 films that I enjoyed seeing! Let me know what y’all thought and I’ll see you all later with some other list in the coming days!

[newyorktheater]

  Angela Lansbury, who is appearing tonight as Lady Bracknell in a one-night benefit staging of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest at Roundabout’s American Airlines theater, was interviewed at Lincoln Center library over the weekend by Irish Rep’s Charlotte Moore as part of the 37th season of The League of Professional Theatre Women’s Oral History Project.  Lansbury, 94, recounted her first role in the movies, as the saucy maid in Gaslight at the age of 17. From then on, “I was a utility actress, as far as MGM was concerned. They could put me into almost any role, and I would act it.” Two decades after that first Oscar-nominated screen role, she won her first of five Tony Awards. Three quarters of a century after she began, she’s still preparing for roles.  “It’s terribly important to get out of yourself and into that character. Leave yourself at home.”  

So many people (and journalists!) complained that the public impeachment hearings made for dull theater that others angrily denounced the “theater critic school of journalism” and Saturday Night Life responded with a soap opera called “Days of Our Impeachment.”

Her dignity in responding to Trump speaks volumes. I wonder if this is riveting enough for the “theater critic” school of journalism. Schiff uses the opportunity t make clear Trump is engaged in witness intimidation. This is a moment. A real moment.

— Jennifer Rubin (@JRubinBlogger) November 15, 2019

Covering the news like a fucking theater critic. This is why Donald Trump is president. This is why our missiles are shinier than our schools. This is why the Climate Crisis will destroy us all. https://t.co/ukmWBv99EA

— Bradley Whitford (@BradleyWhitford) November 14, 2019

But then others, such as Washington Post theater critic Peter Marks, rightly denounced the denouncers for besmirching theater critics.

The dismissive use of theater criticism is misapplied, anyway. By people who should know better. If you are not observing a performance in the room, you aren’t a theater critic. You are a TV critic.

— Peter Marks (@petermarksdrama) November 14, 2019

A lot of denouncing in America these days — and more to come:

Schedule of impeachment hearings in the coming week

Week in NY Theater Previews & Reviews

Rick Borutta, personal assistant to Elaine Stritch

Preview: “Nobody’s Bitch”: Elaine Stritch as Boss

Elaine Stritch kicked Rick Borutta in the stomach every day. That, anyway, is how he says it felt at the beginning. “Other than that, she was rather likable,” says Borutta, who worked as her personal assistant for four years, an experience that he has turned into a solo show, entitled “Nobody’s Bitch,” which he is bringing to New York for the first time for one night only at The Duplex on November 26th.

Michael Benjamin Washington

Fires in the Mirror

It would be hard to overstate the city-wide trauma that occurred in Crown Heights, Brooklyn in August, 1991, nor the power of “Fires in the Mirror,” the groundbreaking documentary play about it nine months later at the Public, which introduced New York theatergoers to the astonishing theater artist Anna Deavere Smith. That power comes roaring back in a revival at Signature that, for the first time, features an actor other than Smith…“Fires in the Mirror” offers, without judgment and with implicit compassion, a breadth of personalities — rabbis and reverends, activists and everyday residents — with views that conflict, contradict, supplement or concur. But how they present themselves and what they say also often resonate way beyond what happened in Crown Heights.

Tina The Tina Turner Musical

The thrilling final minutes of “Tina” are all that a rock concert should be, and the main reason to see this jukebox biomusical about one of the world’s most electric performers, portrayed by Adrienne Warren in a star-making role. It may not be reason enough, though, especially for those of us who recall the 1993 movie, “What’s Love Got To Do With It,” which covers the same remarkable life of the outsized talent born Annie Mae Bullock to a sharecropping family in Nutbush, Tennessee.

Slava’s Snowshow

In the 26 years since the Russian clown Slava Polunin began touring, “Slava’s Snowshow” has been performed “thousands of times to millions of people in hundreds of cities,” according to the playbill. It doesn’t mention how much confetti, water and fusillades of giant beach balls have been dumped on, squirted, and shot at audiences. I’d say tons just in the performance I saw at Broadway’s Stephen Sondheim Theater, where the silly, wordless, plotless, pointless and popular 90- minute show (plus intermission) is running through January 5. Much of the show is a series of moments too sketchy to be called scenes and too scenic to be called sketches

User Not Found

Keep those cell phones on; that’s where “User Not Found” largely unfolds.   Yes, this terrific site-specific play takes place in a café near BAM in Fort Greene, where Terry O’Donovan portrays a fellow café dweller also named Terry grieving the death of his ex-lover Luka. But this inventive, pointed work of theater asks us to consider how the current public immersion in the digital world affects both life and death. And so, to that end, the theatergoers are each given a headphone and a smart phone in order to follow Terry’s story, though he’s standing (and moving around, and eating) right in front of us, and speaking directly to us. But he’s also answering his text messages, and looking at his dead lover’s social media accounts – and we’re looking right along with him. “User Not Found” is an unusual show that requires some initial adjustment, dips into what feels like sci-fi, but ultimately, and surprisingly, becomes quite touching…in more ways than one.

BrandoCapote

“BrandoCapote” is a play with a script by Sara Farrington inspired by a fascinating interview Truman Capote conducted with Marlon Brando at the peak of his popularity in 1957, while the movie star was filming “Sayonara” in Japan. It is also a dance theater piece choreographed by Laura K. Nicoll that mixes modern American with traditional Japanese movement, enhanced by vivid Japanese costumes. And it is the latest showcase for director Reid Farrington’s inventive technical experiments in integrating filmed images into live theatrical performance: Very brief clips from more than a dozen of Brando’s film performances (from Oscar-winners “On The Waterfront” and “The Godfather” to such oddities as “The Island of Doctor Moreau”) are projected crisply onto Japanese umbrellas of varying sizes that the cast members suddenly unfold.

Each of these elements of “BrandoCapote” intrigued me and impressed me. But all three put together lost me.

The Week in New York Theater News

Santino Fontana in Tootsie

Tootsie will close on Sunday, January 5, 2020, having played 293 regular and 25 preview performances at the Marquis Theatre.

Forbidden Broadway The Next Generation will close December 1st.

The Drama Bookshop has found a new home a block south of the old store and will reopen in March, 2020.

wow. the new @dramabookshop animated by architect @DavidKorins https://t.co/ukykIRLoFs

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) November 12, 2019

  Accessibility Corner

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/13/theater/tiny-tim-a-christmas-carol-disabled-actors.html

Tiny Tim is being portrayed by a disabled actor (actually two.)

In Mockingbird, Russell Harvard, a deaf actor, finally gets his wish not to be defined solely by his deafness: Harvard assumes two supporting parts (both of them hearing characters): Boo Radley, the mysterious, rarely seen neighbor of the intimidated youngsters, Scout and Jem Finch, and more prominently Link Deas, the inscrutable local dismissed as a drunk.

A celebration of the life and legacy of Broadway legend Harold Prince will take place on Monday, December 16, at The Majestic Theatre (247 West 44th Street). Beginning at 1:30 PM, the tribute is open to friends, family and the theater community, and will feature tributes and performances from colleagues and loved ones. Doors will open at 1PM. The Majestic is the 31-year home of Mr. Prince’s record-breaking production of The Phantom of the Opera, the longest-running show in Broadway history.

MasterVoices will begin its 2019-20 season on Thursday, November 21 at Carnegie Hall with the concert staging of George and Ira Gershwins’ 1933 musical Let ‘Em Eat Cake, with a book by George S. Kaufman and Morrie Ryskind, a comic satire about a populist U.S. President who is voted out of office and stages a coup to regain power.

Theater has a problem with people of color by Jose Solis: I’ve been working professionally as a theater critic since 2013; I’m a board member of the Drama Desk (where I also serve as part of the nominating committee), and I’ve written for every reputable publication in town. For as long as I’ve been attending theater in the city, my name and brown skin have made me the target of bullies and racists. I’ve been asked if I’m with the catering staff at theater critics events, been chastised by angry ushers to turn my cell phone off, even if I have never taken my device out of my pocket during a performance, and often been asked if I’m sure I belong in the orchestra, as ushers point me to the mezzanine. My skin has become so thickened by the mistreatment and rudeness of theater employees that I might as well be a walking callus. I experience this, in part, because I’m a rarity on Broadway. In the 2017-2018 season, 75% of Broadway audiences were Caucasian, according to statistics compiled by the Broadway League. Theater clearly has a people of color problem: It’s not only that many people of color have no interest in revivals of revered but irrelevant plays featuring beige ensembles, it’s also that when we do come to the theater, we are told that we’re invading white spaces. When I see a show with a white friend, people often ask the friend if they brought me to the show and ask me if it’s my first time at the theater.

  “Time 100 Next” list honors Broadway veterans @ALISTROKER, @BeanieFeldstein and @jeremyoharris https://t.co/lUgGDwG2Gb pic.twitter.com/XFRyJ88hUQ

— New York Theater (@NewYorkTheater) November 13, 2019

Have a play in mind you think we should have in our circulating collection? There’s a form for that! https://t.co/UooR75cEFu

— NYPL Theatre (@NYPL_Theatre) November 14, 2019

How Theater Directors Use Fragrances to Create “Poetry for the Nose”

From at least the late 19th century, when David Belasco had actors cook and brew coffee on stage to heighten the realism of domestic scenes, to recent efforts to evoke a piney forest or the tang of gunpowder, directors have tried to involve an audience’s olfactory sense to intensify their experience. …“The difficulties of controlling an odor once released into a large room like a theater are very complicated,” said Stuart Firestein, a neuroscientist at Columbia University and former theatrical actor and director.

(I don’t think you need a neuroscientist with a back to point this out.)

Celebrating 25 Years of Disney on Broadway raised $570,426 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.

#Stageworthy News of the Week: Angela Lansbury 77 years later. Impeachment as Theater? Stritch The Bitch? Drama Bookshop Finds a Home! So many people (and journalists!) complained that the public impeachment hearings made for dull theater that others angrily denounced the "theater critic school of journalism" and Saturday Night Life responded with a soap opera called "Days of Our Impeachment."

[newagesispage]

                                                            JULY       2018

 PAGE  RIB

***** Pete Davidson has gotten himself engaged to Arianna Grande. He has new tattoos to prove his love.

***** The first wall was raised for the old Conklin’s barn dinner theatre in Goodfield, Illinois. After a struggle to raise money after the old barn was destroyed and a fight with the insurance company, the day has finally come. The new structure which is part of a whole new complex will open in 2019. I can’t wait!!!

***** Vikings QB, Kirk Cousins is still driving his great old van and proud of it.

***** Check out Rotten apples, a website that is a database for consumers to learn if those involved in movies or TV have allegations against them.

***** The Daily show had a good idea. Every time that Scary Clown 45 does his daily dose of fucking everything up, call Fox news.  Calling your congressmen and protesting will have to continue, of course but it seems he mostly listens to Fox. Perhaps if they get tired of listening to us bitch, they will try to get their boss/fan to change a few things. 1-888-369-4762.** How far down will he and his cult drag this country?

***** A personal note: I heard a comedian the other day talking about jerks in all parts of our lives. Whether it be church, work, school, concerts, an AA meeting or whatever there is always an asshole in the mix to ruin stuff. This really resonated with me because I have seen a situation lately that perfectly illustrates this. A local store has a department with 3 managers. Manager #1 keeps hiring in his friends that mostly create their own schedules and do not often break a sweat. Manager #2 has been there a while and things run pretty smooth and fair when they run the day. Manager #3 is new to the position and often seems like they do not know what the fuck is going on and it was recently learned that this one has been backstabbing #2 so much that # 2 was fired. Now, we can’t know, of course, the reason for the firing but it just shows that a perfectly nice place to work and shop with a company one can believe in can go all wrong because of one or two bad apples. Manager #2 who is also battling illness (so does not often have the strength to fight back) has lost a career and many employees who respect them are now stuck working with people they know will run the place into the ground or having to find another job. I have seen a few similar situations thru the years and of course, asshole in chief in D.C. is like the all time perfect example of this but why can’t we weed out the jerks?  

***** Days alert: Is Paul leaving? What? They need to bring in a good mate for him. He is arguably the most honest person in town and he deserves the best. Let Will and Sonny have each other and find a better match for Paul but don’t let him go. I mean Sonny treats Paul like he isn’t even in the room half the time and they were going to marry?!  But, yes.. Chris Sean (Paul) is going and Bryan R. Dattilo (Lucas) may go soon too. Marci Miller (Abby) is out and will be replaced by the old Abby, Kate Mansin. Arianne Zucker (Nicole) will be back. Will she have a baby for Eric? Olivia Rose Keegar (Claire) has released a single titled ‘Just my type.’** Are they really gonna do a Ben and Ciara thing?** Sephen Nichols (Patch) is out as well as Greg Rikkaart (Leo). Farah Fath (Mimi Lockhart) is back. Sheila, Shawn and Belle will show up soon.  Kyle Lowder who used to play Brady will return as another character. There is a rumor that Allison Sweeney (Sami) will swing in for a bit and will she be pregnant with Rafe’s baby? I am betting so since Hope just mentioned something about Raif not having any kids.

***** Antarctic ice loss has tripled in just a decade.

***** The Philadelphia Eagles were cancelled at the White House because most of them would not come. Philly’s mayor countered with:” Trump is not a true patriot but a fragile egomaniac obsessed with crowd size and afraid of the embarrassment of throwing a party to which no one wants to attend.”  The night before, Fox news showed pics of Eagles kneeling when in fact they were praying as they always do. Nobody said there was anything wrong with that before so the players would like to know what is wrong with praying? This particular team never took a knee all season as protest. And what about the 10 players who wanted to go to the White house and worked hard to get there?** Scary Clown says he won’t even invite the NBA champs.

***** Illinois ratified the ERA. Just 1 more state and 36 years after the deadline to adopt legislation we may get there.

***** So, I see Domino’s latest stunt is fixing the roads? Somebody has to work on the infrastructure so it might as well be them.

***** The MtV awards best dressed to me were Alison Brie and Kristen Bell. While the chaos engulfed our country, the young people at the awards (the so called Hollywood elite), spoke out for real super heroes, acceptance for all and an end to bullying.

***** Should we be giving Dennis Rodman airtime to show how stupid he is? I hear the argument  over and over lately that someone was nice to them so they must be ok. This could be said of Trump, Kim Jung Un or a serial killer. How fucking selfish can people be?  The ignorant seem to be incapable of seeing the horror right in front of them as they pick and choose facts.

***** Why have I seen a rash of first cousins as lover’s jokes? Why is it ok to make fun of this?

***** Artifacts were found in Springfield, Il. which came from the 1908 race riots. First found in 2014 when work was being done on an underpass, officials hope to soon have them on display. After working to preserve the items, they are looking to the Smithsonian and the Library of Congress.

***** Is there a new serial killer in Massachusetts?

***** The Koch brothers are apparently waging war all over the country against Mass Transit. They use paid activists to push similar thinking voters to vote it down. It is funny that these big government haters don’t mind that the Koch Brothers have made a well thought out data service to help control their voters.

***** The Tony’s were pretty rockin’ this year. Robert DeNiro got everybody going with a Fuck Trump sentiment. Most awards went to The Band’s Visit, Harry Potter and the cursed child and Angels in America. Once on an Island won best revival and other winners were Glenda Jackson and Nathan Lane (who I love but was really pulling for Michael Cera and Brian Tyree Henry). Tony Shalhoub, Laurie Metcalf and Andrew Garfield also took home awards.  The most beautiful moment was from the students of Stoneman Douglas and their teacher who was honored.** A Trump supporter went to A Bronx tale: The musical after the DeNiro incident which is codirected by Mr. D. The supporter held up a Trump 2020 sign. My son chuckled, “At least he bought a ticket.”

***** IHOP has become IHOB. They think they are Red Robin. More $ in burgers than pancakes, I guess.

***** Stephen Colbert sang the National anthem at a Mets game.** Trump is taking swipes at the late night hosts now. Conan, Colbert and Fallon teamed up to do a funny about that.

***** So some people think that Roseanne’s racist remarks and Samantha Bee’s ‘cunt’ comment are the same? Both should lose their show? NO.. big difference.  Other countries do not get our outrage.. The word ‘cunt’ is not as big a deal in Canada and Great Britain. If there is fall out shouldn’t standards and practices at TBS be in trouble for letting the ‘feckless cunt’ comment go to broadcast? I mean Roseanne did this on her twitter on her own. Trump cult members think they can all go to twitter and spout their racist, hateful rhetoric and get away with it. If one is going to be successful in the mainstream world, they may not get away with that like Scary Clown. Anyway, Go Samantha Bee!!**BTW,  Love the letter that Michael Moore put out about Trump and Roseanne, it is worth a read.** ABC will let the others serve out their contracts after a settlement with Roseanne when they bring us The Conners.

***** Jim Carrey and Showtime will give us ‘Kidding’ on Sept. 9. The dark comedy will cast Carrey as Mr. Pickles, a children’s host who is falling apart. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’s Michel Gondry will direst and the cast will include Catherine Keener, Judy Greer and Frank Langella.

***** Michael Myers, Jamie Lee Curtis and Halloween are back and wipes out all the sequels.

***** George Clooney received the lifetime achievement award from the American Film Institute.

***** Illinois man, Jay Smith claims he may have coyotes, wild dogs, a mix or hybrid or a unique unknown species in the woods around his home. The U.S. Dept. of agriculture and Chicago’s field museum are now interested in the 40 or so creatures. Smith describes them as bigger than wolves with dark coats. You can see for yourself on youtube : Kanahoe wolves of forgottonia.

***** Atlanta has been renewed for season 3, of course!!

***** Reese Witherspoon will soon be back in the Legally Blonde world for the third time.

***** I truly love to hear Louie Anderson laugh.

***** The President is Missing, a novel by James Patterson and Bill Clinton is #1.

***** Terry Crews talked to the Senate about sexual assault.

***** Secret Service is temporarily keeping an eye on Sarah Sanders and more staff members may get their own agents.

***** The Environmental media association Benefit gala honored Elizabeth Olsen, Ray Halbritter, Mike Sullivan and Jane Fonda who danced on stage with the musical guest Snoop Dogg.

***** Redmond O’Neal was arrested on June 8 for assault with a deadly weapon, criminal threat, brandishing a knife, battery and attempted murder.  Police say he went on a violent spree in Southern California.

***** Watch for Shock and Awe from Rob Reiner in July. People have been floating his name for President and U know the opposition would immediately call him meathead. I say embrace it, Meathead for President!!!!!!!**I Love that Reiner calls out Trump with’ the art of the lie.’

***** The much anticipated Old man and the gun will be out in September. The comedy filmed in Texas stars Robert Redford, sissy Spacek, Casey Affleck, Danny Glover and Tom Waits. I can’t fucking wait!

***** Look for the new film, An Actor Prepares with Jeremy Irons, Mamie Gummer, Larry Pine and Jack Huston.

*****The special council has piled more charges onto Paul Manafort. It was after this that he went back to court for violating the terms of his house arrest and his bail was revoked. The 40 charges now include witness tampering. All charges were about incidents before the Presidential campaign.

***** We have to know that people are not really paying attention when Scary Clown and Gulliani babble on incoherently on national television and their supporters do not seem to care or they really don’t get it. These voters seem to think that it is easier to stay with the devil you know and just refuse to bend. ** Ivanka keeps gathering more new trademarks in China and refuses to answer questions about it as the trade talk rages on.** Why do people keep trying to normalize all this behavior?

***** So.. Supposedly Trump told a friend that porn is not allowed in the White House and it his biggest complaint. Some reporters submitted this as an official question to the White House. It seems the subject has never really come up so no one has thought to ask before. So far there has been no response. ** Word is that Scary Clown rips up papers after he reads or uses them. The problem is that Presidential papers have to be preserved for history so 2 people work just to tape those papers back together.  They were fired this month.

***** Sexual misconduct controversy abounds in Illinois under Mike Madigan with Tim Mapes under the microscope.

***** Justify won the Belmont Stakes and is just the 13th horse in history to win the Triple crown.

***** Senator Jeff Merkley is telling us that immigrants are being held in small cages in Texas. Is this our country? Is this really happening?

***** Recording academy President, Neil Portnow will step down from his post next year.

***** Mystery Science Theatre 3000 will tour in the fall. Joel Hodgson, Jonah Ray, Tom Servo and Crow will begin riffing live on October 9 in Portland, Maine.

***** I wanna be in New Orleans for Voodoo fest on October 26-28. The lineup rocks with Marilyn Manson, Janelle Monae, Zeds dead, Elle King, Mumford and Sons, Arctic Monkeys and Childish Gambino.

***** Next year Brian De Palma is going to start filming ‘Predator’ about the Weinstein scandal.

***** Convicted drug trafficker Alice Johnson was pardoned by Scary Clown.  Who’s next?

***** Trump called Canadian PM Trudeau, meek, mild and weak. ** True to form, Trump showed up late at the G7 for his meeting on women’s empowerment.** Rep. Steve Schmidt said that ‘Trump beclowned himself.”** Trump quote: “Kim Jong Un is a great guy” and “ North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat.” I don’t think he will ever hear the end of it over those statements. Saying it does not make it so. I wrote this and then I heard Chuck Schumer say it. ** Big evidence of wrong doing in the Trump charity organization. He is now being sued by the attorney General for persistent illegal conduct.** Trump now says he wants to withdraw from the World Trade Organization. He is being such a good little boy by helping Putin check things off his list. Destroy NATO, Destroy EU, Destroy the UN, Eliminate U.S. leadership. ** As June ends, there are new reports that North Korea has ramped up its Nuclear production.

***** This whole mess with 2,000 kids being taken from their parents at the border is an outrage. I can’t help but think of our ‘well meaning’ Christian folk trying to convert the Native Americans back in the day. They tried hard to make the natives dress like the white man, pray like the white man and go to our schools. As well as leverage for scary clown’s wall, are they trying to fill these children’s heads with their own propaganda while they are in foster care or residing in the white man’s warehouse? **When will the loyalists realize that a wall cannot be built? Private citizens own some of that land. There are bodies of water on the border. No matter how much the racists wish for it, it just can’t be done.** There is something about the way he grins crazily when he is called out on something. It seems like he is so proud of his lies and the way he conducts himself so unethically. I am reminded of Manson and the way he would light up when asked about his crimes or when he was shown footage from other family members talking about him. This is such a fast moving story that some are equating to the way the Jewish and the Japanese were treated in the past. ** It is obvious that no planning went into any of this new policy. It is wonderful that so many reporters are watching the facilities they know about and staying at the border. It takes time to get the facts and it isn’t easy when the administration is being so secretive. The lawsuits have started. Can we get Sessions, Nielsen, Pence and Trump on child neglect??** People of all nations will not want to be here soon and we will be left with the racists and bullies. Do we leave or do we fight?  If everybody left the Trumpers alone in this country what would they have to complain about? They have no empathy, it is like they thrive on others suffering. ** Multiple on air personalities cried at the stories of the children as their emotions came to the surface. I think many of us feel helpless as that sinking feeling we all had on election night has come to the point we all feared.** The Red Cross has not even been allowed in to these FOR PROFIT facilities. Protesters are staying on the case of Krisjen Nielsen. The administration and their defenders have been so flippant about the whole thing especially Corey (womp, womp) Lewandowski.** It costs the government over twice as much to house the kids without their parents.** Melania visited the kids and wore a jacket which read ‘I really don’t care, Do you?’ This started a whole new mess. I thought of those Turpin monster parents. Why on earth does anyone want to put kids in cages?  Does it make someone powerful to torture children?

***** June ended with about 700 protests for the kids in cages. Family’s Belong Together marches were overflowing in the heat with inspiring messages and a lot of heart. I was so proud to be there.

***** New York has sued the federal government over zero tolerance.**The U.S. has withdrawn from the UN human rights body. Many do agree with this one for they feel there is not equal punishment for nations when it comes to human rights.** A lawsuit was filed on April 23 alleging kids were held down and injected to render them helpless and keep them calm.**It seems that we should leave the immigrants alone and enforce swift, harsh penalties for those who hire undocumented workers. These employees aren’t paying their fair share on these employees.**The Pentagon has been asked to prepare housing for 20,000 immigrants.** I mean, this is not a simple subject but basically if you come in illegally, you go back. If you seek asylum, you should not be separated from your child or be in detention. More judges would help get this backlog caught up and ankle bracelets had seemed to be helping the situation. Take some of this ‘traveling to Mar a Lago $’ and hire more judges. And let’s help stabilize these regimes so folks will feel safer in their own countries. Some are even saying they should abolish I.C.E.. Some of those speaking out with that thought are I.C.E. agents themselves. I.C.E. spokesperson James Schwab has been speaking out. He claims he resigned because although he was asked to spin for both administrations, the current administration asked him to outright lie. Thank you James! ** Immigrants add 63 billion to the economy.** A federal judge has declared the kids must be reunited with their parents in 30 days, for younger kids it is 14 days.** Justin Trudeau tells refugees they are welcome in Canada.

*****  Ok.. Read the next item before this one!!!... So Stuttering John AKA John Melendez has a podcast and he claims he called air force one and he got thru.  He pretended to be Sen Bob Menendez and Trump told him he would have a Supreme Court pick in 2 weeks. While people wondered if this was true, Trump announced he would have his pick on July 9.

***** The Supreme Court upheld the travel ban including Venezuela, North Korea, Syria, Iran, Somalia and Libya. They (5-4) claim it is not a Muslim ban and allows for them to get off the list. This reverses the lower court’s rulings but at least it is the third incarnation as the first two were struck down. Even though the Supreme court said the President has the authority it did put it somewhat in check. Still wrong.  0 people have been killed in our country by a person from one of these countries.** The Supreme Court also tells us you don’t have to pay your union dues. ** Justice Kennedy is set to retire. Trump’s private banker at Deutsche bank for 12 years is Justice Kennedy’s son. JS

***** The country gets more liberal and the power in the country gets more conservative. WTF?** Rod Rosenstein seemed very confident in his questioning this week. This is good news for the country!

***** Sean Spicer is putting together a talk show.

***** The Trump administration is backing insurance companies to eliminate the pre- existing condition protection.

***** The 2019 Hollywood walk of fame will add Robert DeNiro, Anne Hathaway, Michael Buble, Tyler Perry and the trio of Linda Ronstadt, Emmylou Harris and Dolly Parton.

***** Sara Netanyahu has been indicted on fraud charges.

***** Take a listen to the Ear hustle podcast and get the dirt inside prison.

***** Studied show that 97% of rapists never go to jail.

***** Women can drive in Saudi Arabia but arrests are up for women who protest there.

***** Jerry Springer is finally done with his show.

***** The republicans govern without shame. The democrats shame without governing.  –Bill Maher

***** From what I see it seems that America to the Conservatives means guns and Christianity should be included in our governments and our schools.  They seem to like everyone to take care of themselves financially except in extreme cases and outsiders should not be a part of this country. America to the liberals seems like the same rights for all like health care, ruling our own bodies and that love is love. They believe in high taxes and programs to help others.

***** Jeff Sessions of the United Methodist church has been charged under church law with violating paragraph 270.3: child abuse, immorality, racial discrimination and dissemination of doctrines contrary to the standards of doctrine of the United Methodist church. In the 50 years of the church as a denomination, no case can be found that has gotten this far.

***** It seems that there was always a bit of a separation between Fox news and the rest of the company. This latest border mess has crumbled that particular wall. Artists who have at one time or another  worked for Fox Studios are speaking out. Modern Family creator Steve Levitan, director Payl Fieg and Seth Mcfarlane are among them.

***** If we don’t make peace with our wounds, we’ll be tempted to despise the wounded.  – Father Gregory Boyle

***** No one is illegal on stolen land.   Thanks Kim

*****  Trump is not much on tradition. The man cancels the congressional picnic for lack of time but is gung ho for rallies and fund raisers .A scrawl on Fox news dressed down CNN and MSNBC for not airing the latest Trump rally. Who the fuck wants to see that nightmare?

***** Peter Fonda’s emotions got the better of him and he tweeted: WE SHOULD RIP BARRON FROM HIS MOTHERS ARMS AND PUT HIM IN A CAGE WITH A PEDOPHILE AND SEE IF HIS MOTHER WILL STAND UP AGAINST THE GIANT ASSHOLE. He deleted it but the damage was done. He apologized to the family.**Sarah Sanders was asked to leave a restaurant** Maxine Waters is asking people to call out Trump workers when they see them. This is getting ridic but I think the right thinking people of this country are feeling trapped and desperate. Civility is hard keep in check when our country is being taken over by racists, thieves and bullies. We must try to do this right though. We must get this right!

***** Scary Clown 45 claims that crime in Germany is so high, perhaps because of the refugees? In fact, crime is at a 30 year low? Similarly, a report commissioned by Scary’s own administration shows how much immigrants put into our economy but since the numbers were good, they buried that report.** A story claimed that WH staffers show the President only what he wants to see and that John Kelly tells people to just let him keep going as he is and if it leads to impeachment then our country will be through this horrific time.** His rallies and speeches get crazier if that is possible. Does he travel with an audience?** Trump claims that the Dems want immigrants because they see them as potential voters. Genius, years of red tape and possibly letting gang members (his words) in just for a vote! ** He will say anything to divert attention from himself and his cohorts using this country as their personal piggy bank and taking our rights away.** The UN has declared that the policy of separating children from parents at the border, “may amount to torture.”

***** White house.gov has an agenda for a complete reorganizing of the Federal government full of privatization, major cuts and consolidated power.

***** I-95 in Maine has been getting shut down so border patrol can check your citizenship. WTF?

***** OK.. This is a very unimportant note and I try to never watch commercials but I love the new Progressive ad where the dude is turning into his dad. So cute!

***** I wish that there was a little more backbone on the Sunday morn political shows. I mean the weekend of the big outrage at the border, there were big Trump loving infomercials, why are Bannon and Kelly Ann even invited on these shows?  I have no earthly idea how anyone could have an ounce of respect for any of them.

***** A NY Times story finds that Scary clown 45’s prison cutbacks have been so severe that teachers, secretaries and nurses have had to act as prison guards. ** Economists estimate that Iowa soybean farmers alone could lose up to $624,000,000 as a result of the tariffs. **Harley Davidson has moved some of their work to Bangkok because of the trade war.

***** Thank you James Corden for the Carpool Karaoke with Paul McCartney. It is the first time in a while that I let go of all the worry over this country et al and really got engrossed in something sweet and fun.

***** Disabled vets are being docked on their disability checks for an insurance they were forced into that they and their families can’t even redeem.

***** Kevin Vernardo has started his own circus.

***** Vince Vaughn was arrested June 19 for DUI and resisting arrest.

***** The BET awards winners include D J Khaled, Black Panther, Migos and Sza. Best dressed to me were Meek Mill, Remy Ma, Trevor Jackson, Storm Reid and Janelle Monae.

***** Mystery Race day theatre with Michael Waltrip????

***** John Legend tweeted a Fuck You to Paul Ryan!

***** The electoral college must go!

***** March 2019: Tim Burton will bring us Dumbo with Michael Keaton, Colin Farrell, Alan Arkin and Danny Devito.

***** Stan Lee has gotten a restraining order against his business manager claiming elder abuse.

***** A 94 year old Elgin woman put up a large sign in her yard that read ’Impeach Trump now!’ The city told her that it exceeded the size limit for signs in the city ordinance. She put up a smaller sign claiming that she just wants to draw attention to his foreign policy, trade policy and domestic policy. The woman, Myra Becker said that he’s a disaster. “I’m on a walker and there are all the things I can’t do but I can put up a sign.

***** Larry Kudlow had a heart attack.

***** The new season of Comedians in cars getting coffee includes Dave Chapelle, Alec Baldwin, Dana Carvey, Ellen DeGeneres, Zach Galifianakis, Jerry Lewis, Kate McKinnin, Tracy Morgan, Hassan Minaj, John Mulaney and Brian Regan.

***** So John Cena is really a pig! There was a clip of the man telling his girlfriend that he would make the sacrifice of giving her a child. This was a regular clip from a show she does so at least he owns his pig status, I guess. Sure, it is a ‘reality’ show that is supposedly all scripted but I don’t think that would matter to me if I was that kid.  I guess all their money will help. Good luck kid!

***** Boundaries will star Christopher Plummer, Peter Fonda and Vera Farmiga.

***** Mike Pence was invited to the big gay dance party in Ohio that was in the street just outside his hotel.  

*****  Brockmire continues to make me laugh out loud. A great line: Orange juice is a glass of vodka wasted.  How will sobriety play in the next season?

***** Trump staffers seem to have trouble unwinding and having personal lives since most of D.C. wants nothing to do with them. Recently it was revealed that they have found a bar called Rebellion where they feel welcome. Oh what clever clogs.  I imagine that since this has been revealed , it won’t be fun there for long.

***** Better Call Saul season 4 will have a mysterious Breaking Bad character that was never seen named Lalo. A couple more characters will be introduced when the show returns August 6.

***** The Traverse city film fest will honor Jane Fonda with Lifetime achievement.

***** Acura is sure using a lot of vintage Stones in their advertising as of late.** BTW The Stones have a new boxed set of all their original material albums from 1971 on. It is all cleaned up and lookin’ pretty!!

***** The new Whtney doc about Whitney Houston has some honest revelations . In a posthumous Me Too moment, it is revealed that she was molested by her cousin Dee Dee Warwick.

***** Maryland was home to the latest shooting. The AP has declared they will help the Capital Gazette continue to publish until they get back on their feet. Now that is what this country should be about.

***** The table in the Vietnamese noodle shop where Obama and Bourdain dined has been put under glass. Fans have come to the shop to pay tribute.

***** Mia Farrow proposes we move to saying ‘succumbed’ to suicide instead of ‘committed’ suicide because depression is an illness. The legacy of suicide is cruel enough for all involved. The national suicide prevention hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.

***** R.I.P. Glenn Snoddy, Alan Bean, Joe Jackson, Ella Brennan, Dwight Clark, Kate Spade, Alan O’Neill, Danny Kirwan, Eunice Gayson, Murray Frumson, Koko, Jackson Odell, Gena Turgel, Jerry Maren (last of the lollipop guild) , DJ Fontana, Neal Boyd,  Matt ‘guitar’ Murphy, Nick Knox, Jimmy Wopo, Charles Krauthammer, Vinnie Paul, Richard Harrison, Richard Valeriani, victims of the Maryland newspaper shooting,  Anthony Bourdain, Steve Soto, Willie Lee Rose, Richard Allan Greenberg and Eva Kirchgessner.