#not even joking like that day the bus and 2 trains I had to get on ALL DELAYED

[hymnoeides]

Just a modern setting/au(?? Kinda?) Ody doodle bc I feel he should/would experience that 20+ min train delays I’ve gone through recently

[azziesbattybaddie]

You are my survival

Azriel x reader

You and Azriel are mates. Az knows it, you don't, that is until a particularly hard training session when the truth finally come out.

Word count: 5k

Requested: no

Warnings: fem reader, shadow play, smut, swearing, choking kink, praise, Azriel's wingspan, oral F and M receiving, Az is a Dom, PinV, we die like men

🔥 means smut will follow

Authors note: this is the first WIP I've finished in like 2 or 3 years so be gentle on me I also wrote this with one of my friends on discord and she is absolutely amazing, constructive criticism is welcome and plz let me know if I missed any tags. Enjoy!

"Pay attention."

His words weren't harsh by any means. No, Azriel would never raise his voice at you, but he'd be lying if he said training you was easy. He watched as you breathed heavily, body glistening with sweat. You'd been at this for hours. Clearly, you'd underestimated just how difficult swordplay was.

"I'm trying my best"

He let out a small chuckle, watching your brows furrow with frustration as he managed to point his sword at your neck, Again.

"Gotcha."

"dammit!"

You threw your sword down in frustration and slinked over to the corner of the ring. Before hugging your knees to your chest and sulking.

"I'm done, I'm quit!"

Sheathing his sword, Azriel approached you slowly, his footsteps silent on the straw-covered floor. He stopped a few feet away, giving you space but close enough to offer comfort.

"Hey, hey now," he murmured softly.

"Don't give up just yet."

He hesitated for a moment before sitting down beside you, keeping a respectful distance.

"Training is hard, y/n. It's supposed to push you, make you stronger. It's okay to feel frustrated, but don't let it consume you."

He glanced at you, his eyes reflecting genuine concern.

"You're doing better than you think. You've improved so much since we started. It's just... progress takes time. And patience." He offered you a small, encouraging smile.

"And maybe some water? You've been at it all day."

"yeah well maybe I should train with someone else because your a thousand times better than me and you have 400 years of experience on me so even if I am getting better your skill just dwarfs mine..."

Azriel looked at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. He had expected such a reaction from you, and he couldn't say that he blamed you either.

"You underestimate yourself," he told you gently, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"It may take time, but you will get there. Just keep practicing and if you can't believe in yourself, believe in the fact that I'm starting to feel your progress in your punches." As always tried to joke with you slightly but seeing as he got nothing but a half earned smile he let himself fall quiet.

He sighed deeply, his gaze drifting down to his scarred hands fiddling with them idly. There were things he wanted to tell you, things he wanted to share about his past, but he knew you weren't ready for them yet. Maybe one day, when you were strong enough, he could tell you everything.

Following his gaze, you watched as he picked at his nails and cuticles. You had known Az for a few hundred years now and as long as you had known him he had never shared the story of his warped skin and you had never worked up the courage to ask, that was until now.

"can I ask you a question without you getting upset? You can tell me to screw off if you don't want to answer, I won't push." You said in a timid, whispered voice. Azriel turned to look at you, his expression curious.

"Of course, y/n. What is it?"

He kept his tone calm and non-threatening, not wanting to scare you off. Whatever it was, he would do his best to answer honestly.

"what happened to your hands?"

Azriel's expression softened, and he looked down at his hands, his fingers curling slightly as he remembered.

"My hands... They were burned by-" he let out a heavy sigh, flexing his hands under your gaze before continuing.

"they were burned by my brothers, many years ago. I was born a bastard like Cassian so I was treated differently, even by my so-called family. They it left me with these scars."

He lifted his hands, showing you the intricate network of burn scars that covered his palms and fingers. They were a constant reminder of his past, a painful chapter he would rather forget.

"what brings that question to mind?"

you reach to grab his hand but hesitated before touching him.

"I just always wondered if they were painful they still look painful..."He noticed your hesitation and gave you a reassuring nod, encouraging you to continue.

"It doesn't hurt anymore, physically at least. But sometimes, the memories can still be quite painful." He lowered his hands, his gaze returning to yours staying quiet for a beat.

"It's alright, y/n. You won't hurt me by touching them. I won't bite or as Cass would say 'i won't bite unless you want me too'" he says with a half honest grin trying to lift the mood slightly.

He held out his hand, palm facing up, waiting for you to make the first move. He wanted to show you that he trusted you, that he was comfortable with you touching him. "Go ahead, y/n."

you gingerly brushed your fingers over his scarred hand before taking one of his hands in both of your running your thumbs over the back before smile and saying softly

"They always looked soft still..."

A faint smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he felt his face heat slightly at the praise. He never wanted to feel anything other than your gentle touch on his scarred hand.

"Because of the burns, my skin never calloused so yeah I guess they are."

He turned his hand over, intertwining his fingers with yours. The warmth of your touch seeped into his skin, soothing the old wounds in ways he hadn't experienced in centuries.

"I never associated touch with comfort before. It feels like home." ' you feel like home' is what he would have said if he had the nerve but kept that thought to himself, thinking it to cheesey to say out loud.

His thumb stroked the back of your hand, a tender gesture that spoke volumes about the unspoken bond between you two. In that moment, the weight of his secrets and the darkness of his past seemed to fade away, replaced by a simple, pure connection with you.

you lifted your head to look at him only to find him already looking at you, your faces close enough to feel each others baited breaths.

Azriel's gaze locked onto yours, his heart pounding against his ribcage like a wild drum. The intensity of your stare was almost overwhelming, stirring feelings within him that he thought long buried.

He leaned closer, his lips inches away from yours. He could smell your scent, a mix of sweat and something uniquely you. It was intoxicating, making his pulse race and his resolve weaken.

For a moment, he considered closing the gap, pressing his lips against yours and losing himself in the warmth of your embrace. But he pulled back, breaking eye contact, reminding himself of the danger in such actions.

without thinking of the consequences of your actions you shot your hand out to cradle the side of his face turning him back to look at you and meet him with pleading look, begging him not to turn away.

Azriel's breath caught in his throat as he felt your hand cup his cheek, turning his face back towards you. He met your pleading gaze, his own eyes filled with a mix of longing and fear.

He wanted nothing more than to surrender to the desire burning within him, to lose himself in your embrace and forget about his past, his fears, and his responsibilities. But he knew he couldn't. Not yet, at least.

With a heavy sigh, he gently removed your hand from his face, his fingertips trailing along your skin as he did so.

"y/n, we can't," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

"I care for you too much to risk putting you in danger. We need to focus on our training, on becoming stronger, you need to be ready for when hyburn attacks."

your pout deepened as you moved back slowly pulling your hand away from his reluctantly as you bit your lip trying to think of something to say to make him change his mind.

"Az we can still train and I've been getting stronger for years, why can't we just," you trail off, not knowing that words for the feeling you felt for him.

Azriel's chest tightened at your pout, a pang of guilt slicing through him as he cut you off. He hated seeing you upset, especially over something he had done.

"It's not because I don't want to," he assured you, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear.

"It's because I care about you too much. If I give in to these feelings now, it might lead to something neither of us is prepared for, not with so much at stake with war coming."

He paused, his gaze dropping to your lips before lifting back to meet your eyes.

"We're mates. I've known for a while but even though we were designed for each other. And right now with hyburn threatening to breach our borders, our lives and decisions can't be about love or passion-it's about survival"

you pull his face back to you for a last time before running the pads of your thumbs over his cheeks lovingly

"I know that az, but you are my survival. you said it yourself that your my mate, do you really think that I can live without my mate, without you?" You plead tears starting to form in your eyes.

The words hit him like a physical blow, leaving him momentarily speechless. Your admission cut straight to the core of his being, striking a chord within him that resonated with a depth of longing he didn't fully understand.

"You need my love..." he echoed, the words sounding foreign even to his ears. He'd never been loved, let alone needed. The idea was both terrifying and exhilarating.

"I... I don't know if I can give you that. I've never been loved, and I've never loved anyone the way I think I should. you deserve all the love there is in this world, and I don't think I can give you that."

His voice cracked with emotion, betraying the turmoil of feelings welling up inside him.

"you can,"

You step closer still holding his face you pull a hand away to grab his scarred one and place it on your waist and putting your hand on his chest over his heart gingerly.

"You have so much love in your heart that you can't help but let it spill over. You try to act so cold and calloused to everyone but we all feel you how much you love us. "

At your touch, Azriel felt a surge of emotion course through him, his heart pounding wildly against your palm. He stared down at you, his eyes searching yours for any sign of deception or manipulation, but found only sincerity and vulnerability.

"You really believe that, don't you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"That I have love to give?"

He hesitated for a moment, then placed his other hand tentatively on your waist. The warmth of your body seeped into his chilled skin, melting some of the ice that had encased his heart for so long.

"I want to believe it," he admitted, his gaze dropping to your lips once more.

"But I'm afraid of putting you in a dangerous situation that you never need to be in. Afraid of losing control and doing something that could harm you. We both know that my work is extremely dangerous and if you got pulled into that I would never fucking forgive myself"

"Azriel... Your the bravest male I've ever met, please don't stop being brave." You take a final step faces inches apart

Azriel's breath hitched as you closed the remaining distance between you, your bodies nearly touching. He could feel the heat radiating off you, drawing him in like a moth to flame.

"Brave doesn't mean fearless, y/n," he said, his voice low and husky.

"Sometimes bravery means facing your deepest fears, even when every instinct tells you to run." You whisper gingerly brushing you fingers over his leathers laying over his heart.

He reached up, his fingers curling around the nape of your neck as he tilted your head back slightly. His thumb brushed against your lower lip, sending shivers down your spine.

"I'm just scared of failing you, of not being able to protect you. But I'm also scared of missing this chance, of letting my fears hold me back from trying to give us the life the cauldron has laid out for us."

"Then don't let your fears hold you back Az, let me hold them instead." You hold his hand over your cheek and guide his thumb over your lip again gently.

Azriel's resistance crumbled under your gentle guidance, his thumb gliding over your soft, plump lips with a tenderness that surprised even him. He leaned in closer, his nose brushing against yours as he savored the scent of your skin, the warmth of your breath.

"cauldron..." he murmured, his voice thick with longing.

he closed the final inch of distance, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that was both tentative and desperate, holding your sides as delicately as fine china.

🔥🔥🔥

you surge you hand up to tangle in his hair and let out an audible cry of relief into his mouth.

Azriel groaned softly into the kiss as your hand tangled in his hair, the sensation sending sparks of pleasure through him. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his body as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping across your lips to explore the warm cavern of your mouth.

As he kissed you, Azriel felt a weight lift from his shoulders, a burden he hadn't realized he carried until it was gone. In your embrace, he found a sense of peace, of belonging, that he had never known before.

Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against yours, panting lightly as he struggled to catch his breath. "Y/n, I've wanted this for so long," he confessed, his voice rough with emotion.

"Wanted to hold you, touch you, taste you now."

"then don't fucking stop now." You practically begged, chasing his lips.

Your impassioned plea sent a jolt of desire through Azriel, his grip on you tightening as he ground his hips against yours, the hard length of his arousal pressing insistently against your belly.

"Oh, god, baby," he gasped, his breath hot against your skin.

"I won't stop, not now, not ever again." His hands trailing down to your ass, gently kneading the flesh under your fighting leathers.

"You're mine, and I'm going to fuck you so hard, make you scream my name until you forget everyone else exists."With that declaration, Azriel swept you up into his arms and winnowed you back to the house of wind before.

carrying you towards his bedroom as he devoured your mouth in a frenzy of kisses, his hands roaming your curves with a hunger that bordered on desperation. your legs wrap around his waist as he carries you and you press your breasts against his chest, mewl desperately against his lips.

The sound of your moans vibrating against his lips was music to Azriel's ears, fueling his already raging desire. He kicked open the door to his bedroom, his eyes burning with a fierce intensity as he laid you down onto the plush mattress.

"Gods, babygirl," he growled, his hands tracing the outline of your curves as he knelt beside you, his eyes devouring every inch of your exposed flesh. "You're so beautiful, so perfect..."

Without another word, he began to undress you, peeling away each layer of your leathers with a reverence that belied his usual cool demeanor. As he revealed your skin to his hungry gaze, he marveled at the sight, at the swell of your breasts, the curve of your hips, the sweet dip of your navel.

"And you smell divine,"

Azriel couldn't help but lean down, his tongue darting out to trace a path along the delicate line of your collarbone, savoring the taste of your skin. He licked and nibbled his way down your body, pausing to lavish attention on each breast, his tongue swirling around your nipples before taking them into his mouth, sucking gently.

His hands weren't idle either, slipping down to cup your ass, squeezing the firm flesh as he continued his descent. His shadows hooked around the sides of your panties, dragging them down your thighs with a teasing slowness that left you squirming beneath him.

"Tell me what you want, baby," he whispered against your skin, his voice a husky murmur.

"What do you crave? Tell me how to make you come undone?"

you reached down to Palm the tent in his fighting leathers at the words and using your other hand to wrap the scared flesh of his hand around your throat.

"I want you to use me, own me Azriel."

At your command, Azriel's heart pounded with a wild rhythm, his cock throbbing in your grasp. He allowed you to control his movements, his hand tightening around your throat in a gesture that was both possessive and protective while one of his larger shadows gently brushed against the side of your face in stark contrast.

"You're mine now, babygirl," he breathed, his voice laced with raw need.

"And I plan to worship every gods-damned inch of you."

With that promise, he slid down further, his lips trailing kisses along your inner thigh, his breath hot against your sensitive flesh. He paused just above where you needed him most, his eyes locking with yours as he teased you mercilessly.

"Do you want more?" he asked, his voice a seductive whisper. "Do you want my mouth on you, tasting you?"

"gods yes please!" You hold his hand tightly around his throat encouraging him to squeeze harder what you arch your back of the bed in hopes of inching your cunt closer to his mouth.

Azriel's grip around your throat tightened slightly at your eager response, his thumb applying just enough pressure to send a thrill of excitement through you. With a low growl, he finally gave in to your pleas, his mouth descending upon your dripping folds.

He lavished your pussy with attention, his tongue delving deep inside you as he fucked you with slow, deliberate strokes while flicks of dark swirl around your clit. He explored every inch of your sex, savoring the taste of your arousal, the feel of your slick walls clenching around his tongue.

As he ate you out, Azriel's free hand roamed your body, palming your breasts, pinching your nipples, leaving trails of fire and cold in its wake. He could feel your climax building, could taste your sweet submission on his tongue, and it only fueled his own desire.

"come on babygirl, ride my face while you come."

He brought one of your hands to tangle in his hair and wrapped his arms around the tops of your thighs encouraging you to buck into his tongue.

Your hips bucked off the bed as you came hard on his tongue, your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave, your juices flowing freely as you cried out his name, your fingers tangling in his hair, holding him close.

Azriel drank in your release, his tongue lapping up every drop of your essence as he savored the taste of your pleasure. He held you tight, his mouth never leaving your pussy as you rode out the waves of your orgasm, your cries of ecstasy music to his ears.

Only when you finally went limp did he release you, his face glistening with your arousal. He crawled up your body, his chocolate eyes blazing with a fierce possessiveness as he claimed your mouth in a searing kiss.

"Now it's my turn," he growled against your lips, his hands tearing at his leathers to free his straining cock.

"Get on your knees, baby, I want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours."

You eagerly roll onto your stomach and push yourself off the bed and onto your knees Infront of him batting your lashes and staring up at him with lust filled eyes.

Azriel watched you move, his heart pounding with a mix of desire and admiration. Your eagerness was intoxicating, fueling his own need even further. He discarded his leathers completely, revealing his veined cock, throbbing with need.

Azriel's breath caught in his throat at the sight of you kneeling before him, your eyes filled with hunger and desire. He ran a hand through your disheveled hair, his fingers tangling in your locks as he guided your head towards his aching cock.

"Open wide, love," *he murmured, his voice thick with need.

"Show me how much you need me."

you took him into your mouth, Azriel let out a low groan, his hips bucking involuntarily. Your warm, wet mouth felt like heaven, and he had to fight the urge to thrust too hard, too fast. Instead, he set a steady pace, his hands guiding your head as you sucked the tip every time he pulled out.

"Fuck, good girl," he gasped, his grip tightening in your hair. "You fucking feel incredible..."You moaned softly as you took him deeper into your mouth working your tongue over his cock, your hands reaching up to cup his balls as you continue to suckle on his cock.

The sensation of your tongue working over his length, coupled with the feeling of your hands on his balls, sent jolts of pleasure coursing through Azriel's body. He watched you, entranced by the sight of your lips stretched around his cock, the sound of your soft moans vibrating against him.

"That's right, baby," he purred, his voice heavy with lust.

"Take all of me... Show me how much you want this..."

He began to move faster, his hips rocking into your mouth, setting a rhythm that had him teetering on the brink of release. His fingers threaded through your hair, urging you on, pushing you to take him even deeper.

"fuck yes! Good girl, just like tha- oh such fucking good girl!"

You moan louder now sending subtle vibrations down his shaft, your cheeks hollowing out as you suck harder on his cock, taking him deeper each time until he hits the back of your throat. You gag softly but quickly recover and continue sucking him off as if your life depends on it.

The feeling of your throat constricting around his cock was almost too much for Azriel to bear. He grunted, his hands gripping your hair tighter as he fucked your mouth with abandon, his hips snapping forward with each thrust.

"Oh gods, baby..." he groaned, his voice ragged with need.

"You're going to make me come so fucking hard..."

His cock throbbed in your mouth, signaling his imminent release. With a final, powerful thrust, he spilled his seed into your willing mouth, his cum coating your tongue and spilling down your chin.

"That's it... Swallow it all..."

Swiping your fingers over your chin you collect the molten cream and swallow every last drop of his cum, your throat working to milk him dry, your eyes locked on his as you gaze up at him with a look of complete satisfaction and devotion.

Azriel watched, transfixed, as your throat bobbed swallowing his cum, your tongue working to milk him dry. He let out a satisfied sigh, his fingers gently stroking through your hair as he admired the look of complete satisfaction on your face.

"You're amazing," he murmured, pulling out of your mouth and offering you a hand up.

"I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did."

With a smile, he pulled you into his arms for a deep, passionate kiss, his hands roaming over your body as he savored the taste of you still lingering on his tongue.

You lean into his touch, your body pressed tightly against his as you kiss him back just as passionately, your hands running over his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his skin.

Azriel dominated you mouth with a throaty moan, his hands exploring your curves with a growing urgency. He broke away from the kiss only long enough to trail hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck, savoring the taste of your skin.

"I want more," he whispered huskily,

"but I think we should save some energy for later."With that, he lifted you effortlessly, carrying you back to the bed where he laid you down, his eyes darkening with desire as he looked down at you.

You giggle lightly as he lays you back down on the bed, your legs parting slightly as you invite him closer.

Azriel's gaze followed the movement of your legs, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth as he saw the invitation in your eyes. He climbed onto the bed, settling between your thighs, his weight supported on his elbows as he gazed down at you.

"Impatient little thing, aren't you?" he teased, his voice low and playful.

He leaned down, capturing one of your nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardened peak before giving it a gentle bite.

"But don't worry, love. I plan to take full advantage of that"

Feeling your hands in his hair, Azriel gave a low chuckle, the vibration of his laughter traveling straight to your breasts. He continued his attentions, alternating between teasing your nipples and tracing patterns across your skin with his tongue.

"Hmm, sounds like someone wants more," he murmured, his voice muffled against your flesh.

Pulling back slightly, he shifted his position, aligning his cock with your slick entrance. Without another word, he pushed inside you, filling you completely with a single, smooth stroke.

You arch your back, pressing your breasts back into his waiting mouth as he teases and bites at your sensitive nipples, a soft moan escaping your lips. Your hands find their way to his hair, tangling in the strands as you pull him closer, desperate for more of his touch.

"Fucking hell, babygirl..." he groaned, his hips beginning to rock slowly as he adjusted to your tight warmth. impatience."

He moved to your other breast, lavishing the same attention upon it, all while grinding his hardening cock against your core. Your back arches off the bed as he fills you, a sharp gasp leaving your lips at the sudden intrusion. But as he begins to move, slow and deliberate, you relax into him, your inner walls clenching around his thickness.

"Ah... yes..." you breathe out, your hands tightening in his hair.

"Just like that... Don't stop..."

Hearing your plea, Azriel picked up the pace, his hips snapping forward with increasing urgency. Each thrust drove him deeper into your welcoming heat, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room.

"Gods, you feel incredible," he growled, leaning down to capture your lips in a searing kiss, his tongue dueling with yours as he fucked you relentlessly.

His hands roamed your body, squeezing your ass cheeks, tracing the curve of your waist, and finally, cupping your breasts once again, thumbing your nipples into stiff peaks.

You meet his kiss with equal fervor, your tongue dancing with his as you lose yourself in the sensation of being filled so completely. Your legs wrap around his ass, pulling him even deeper within you, urging him on.

"Oh god, Azriel!" you cry out, your walls spasming around him, milking him for all he's worth.

Feeling your orgasm ripple through you, Azriel let out a guttural roar, burying himself as deep as he could go as he found his own release. He came hard, pulsing streams of hot cum inside you, his body shuddering with the force of it.

"baby Fuck, y/n-" he gasped, collapsing forward, catching himself on his elbows to keep from crushing you before pulling out and gently resting himself on top of you, his hips still between your legs and his head resting on your breasts.

He stayed there for a moment, panting, his heart pounding against your chest, before slowly rolling to the side, taking you with him so you were draped across his chest.

"That was... intense," he panted, his fingers trailing lazily up and down your spine.

"Are you okay, baby?"

"Yeah... That was amazing." you murmur, snuggling closer to him, enjoying the afterglow of their lovemaking.

As you lay there, spent and satisfied, your the aftershocks of your orgasm. You nod weakly, a contented smile tugging at your lips.

Azriel smiled, his fingers gently stroking through your hair as you nestled against him. He could feel the warmth of your body pressed to his, the steady beat of your heart against his chest.

"I know, baby," he said softly, leaning down to press a tender kiss to your forehead.

"And it's only going to get better from here."

His hand trailed lower, his fingers finding your hip, where he gave a gentle squeeze.

"Now rest, we've got plenty of time to explore more later when you can feel your legs again." He taunted with a tired grin.

You sigh contentedly with a fucked out smile on your face, feeling utterly relaxed and loved. You close your eyes, letting the warmth of his body envelope you, and drift off to sleep in his arms.

Watching you drift off to sleep, Azriel couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the moment. Here, in his embrace, safe and protected, with his beautiful mate, it was everything he could ever want. And now, it seemed, he had it all.

With a final lingering look, he allowed himself to relax fully, his breathing evening out to match yours. As he drifted toward sleep, he knew one thing for certain - this was just the beginning.

[nicksolemnlyswears]

HAN LUE HEADCANONS PT. 2

pairing: han lue x waitress!reader

words: 5.2k

warnings: smut

notes: there's something about that gif that drives me crazy

PT. 1 PT.3

-han goes with you to get your drivers license. it's funny because in the small waiting room there's a bunch of high school students and then there's you, a twenty something year old woman without a license.

-when you walk out after the practical exam he sees your grimace. han has no trouble believing you failed, until your lips stretch into a wide smile and you pull out the plastic identification from behind your back.

-han sighs in relief, kissing your cheek and muttering an 'i knew you could do it.' if he can teach you how to drive he can teach anyone to drive.

-han adores you but he rarely lets you drive his 1997 Mazda RX-7 FD. you're not stupid you know you're a terrible driver, i mean you barely passed the exam. getting your license changes nothing, you still take the bus and train whenever han is not the one driving you. like he said, it's only for emergencies.

-han decide to race one day and begs for you to come with him in the car. you're scared shitless but agree, trusting han wouldn't let anything happen to you. you make a deal that if he wins, he gets a prize. best believe that man won for you.

-the prize? you getting the nipple piercings he suggested. you had to admit that they looked sexy on other people and you like making han happy. not that he wouldn't be if you didn't get them. he'd love you just the same.

-you researched a good piercing parlor and made the reservation. han went with you for moral support and to hold your hand. he didn't mind the piercer was male or that he got to see you topless because at the end of the day you were all his.

-you laid back on the piercing chair. your chest was heaving as you internally panicked. you wanted this but the possible pain you might feel scared you. the piercer marked your nipples, had you look in the mirror to confirm that's the placement you wanted, and had you lie back on the chair again.

han held your hand and kissed your head, "look at me, baby."

he distracted you as the piercer prepped the needle, it was better if you didn't even see the long needle.

"you can't break up with me for a year, han," you half joke out of panic. you say that because it can take up to a year for it to heal completely.

"i wasn't planning on letting you go anytime soon," he says with a half smile.

the piercer gave you a heads up he was going to start. you squeezed hans hand and squeezed your eyes shut. unintentionally you held your breath, bracing yourself for the needle piercing your skin.

"baby, breathe," han tells you, using his other hand so touch your cheek and make you react. you nod, eyes still closed and take a few breaths. "good girl."

the pain stings momentarily, decreasing in intensity in waves till it's only a dull ache. with hans assistance on preventing you from fainting, both nipples are done in no time.

the piercer leaves the room so can inspect them and make sure they're what you asked for. you stand to look at yourself in the full length mirror, han behind you, looking at you through the mirror.

they looked great, you both thought so. han comes up behind you, kissing your cheek and whispering in your ear, "worth it?"

"so far," you respond with a smile.

-han can't take his eyes away from your tits from then on. often asking you to show him. whenever you wore a shirt without a bra around the house he'd go a little feral as the studs from the piercings poked through the thin fabric.

-han has trouble falling asleep, it's one of the reasons his sleep schedule is so fucked. he's lived through a lot of crazy shit in his life and has lost people along the way. those moments tend to haunt him when he's about to sleep.

-it's gotten better ever since you started sleeping over at his apartment or viceversa. he distracts himself with you, touching your skin, rubbing soothing circles on it, the smell of your shampoo as he hugs you to his chest. having you beside him distracts him enough to fall asleep, though those thoughts resurface in his dreams.

-the memory of gisele sacrificing her life for his is one of the things that keeps han up. gisele never did anything she didn't want to do, letting go of him to protect him was her choice. it doesn't mean it hurt han any less. he is the one who has to live without her.

-gisele was one of the few women han has ever loved. she was the first woman that made him want to settle down, possibly even have a family if she wanted.

-han came to tokyo as a promise he made to himself, he'd been postponing it for long enough. he thought he'd visit along with gisele, but that was not possible any longer.

-for a time han believed he was meant to be alone, so he fell into the life of a bachelor. similar to who he was before gisele. he flirted with girls and slept around with them, accepting his fate. until he met you.

-you swept him off his feet so easily. you were like a drug he became addicted to, and he'd know how that feels, considering his past nicotine addiction.

-if gisele hadn't died, he wouldn't have met you and he wouldn't have this amazing relationship. but if she hand't died he would still be with gisele, settling down in the same city. possibly equally as happy.

-both of those futures are ones he can get on board with, but han prefers not dwelling on it and accepting that things in life happen for a reason. han would find it impossible to chose between you or gisele.

-telling you about his past means telling you about gisele. you'd be in bed early in the morning not waking up but falling asleep. he'd tell you about how he met her, what charmed him about her, and their time traveling across the world. lastly, he'd tell you about her death.

-you would never dare say it out loud but in a way you're glad she did what she did because it got you han. you have a hard time imagining what your life would be like without him since he has weaved himself into it so effortlessly.

-you're intimidated by this woman. she's everything you're not. she was a secret spy who knew how to race and fight. she's the definition of badass. and here you are, a simple waitress, wanna be chef who barely knows how to drive.

-but that's the thing about han, he doesn't have a type. as long as you're a good person (according to his standards, which are very different to a normal persons) then you have an in. he loves you so goddamn much it scares him. he loves your kindness, the fiery-ness inside of you, your beauty, you personality. yes, you could be a better driver but that's what you got him for.

-he likes that you're not involved in a life of crime and that you avoid it at all costs. he loves that he's the only danger you've accepted in your life. because it means that you're safe. it means you won't fall off of a fucking plane.

-han's apartment is way more spacious than yours, because unlike you he can afford it. because of it you spend most of your time together in his home. not many people know where he lives. in fact, it might be just you.

-it happens naturally, you don't force yourself into his life. it's han's choice to keep you around and since he's the one that drives he leaves you no choice. instead of taking you to your apartment he drives to his instead. you now have a drawer full of your things in his apartment.

-one night before you head to work you're sitting on the bed, putting on your converse. han comes out of the shower, he was dropping you off and heading to the races. he stands in front of you as he checks his phone.

-he smells like your coconut and vanilla body wash. he just stands there, a towel wrapped around his waist, water droplets falling from his hair down his chest and stomach. han is the most handsome man in the world in your eyes. his warm skin tone, his attentive eyes, and soft smiles.

-with a bite of your lip you tug on the towel, pulling him between your legs. he's invested on whatever's on his phone so he doesn't notice the mischievous look in your eyes.

-you lick a water droplet falling down his abdomen and proceed to leave open mouthed kisses all over his stomach, going lower and lower till the towel stops you.

-you don't appreciate his lack of attention so you playfully nip the taught skin of his tummy.

"ow," han complains, sending you a fake glare.

you shrug and say, "your baby needs attention."

"i think she just needs my cock," he responds, tilting his head. he throws the phone on the bed, and tilts your chin up to look at you, "is that right?"

-you nod your head and bite your lip, he lets go of your chin and signals you to go ahead. with a bright smile you undo the towel on his hips, letting it fall to the floor. you grab his cock with your soft hands and stick your tongue out to lick his length base to tip. you leave a cheeky kiss on his tip, spreading the bead of precum that formed on your pink lips.

-han watches you with hooded eyes, brushing your hair back to give him a better view. he ruts his hips when you take his length into your mouth, bobbing your head. you hold onto his thighs as you hollow your cheeks around him.

-this is equally as pleasurable for you as it is for han. having his full attention on you makes you act up, it gets your panties wet.

-a quiet groan leaves him when you dip your tongue on his slit, swirling it around his mushroomed head afterwards.

-when you take him completely in your warm mouth your nose brushes against the dark patch of hair at his base. your tight throat forces han to buck his hips, wanting to go deeper. so much so tears accumulate on your lash line.

-taking control, han grabs a tighter hold of your hair and fucks into your mouth. he closes his eyes, throwing his head back in pleasure. this is what you wanted all along, to be used by him.

-his cock is hard and warm on your mouth. throbbing with each thrust into your pretty mouth. you can still smell the scent of your body wash along with the peculiar smell of sex, it's addicting.

-han looks down at you to make sure you're doing okay. you're already looking up at him, and the sight of you might make him cum alone.

-soon he feels the familiar tightening of his balls and his pace falters. "you're going to swallow my cum, baby?" he groans out. you hum around han and it throws him over the edge. one last time he pushes into your aching mouth and releases ropes of white down your throat.

-coming off his high he lets go of your now messy hair. as you pull off his cock, a stream of saliva connects the two of you. your under eyes and lashes are wet and your mouth and nose flushed, yet this is one of the most beautiful you've ever looked. teasingly you stick out your tongue showing han you swallowed it all.

-han is shameless so grabbing his discarded phone off the bed he snaps a picture of you, his cock in frame still. in the end, han catches your puffy lips in a wet kiss. the fact you just went down on him doesn't bother him in the least.

-with a quick glance at the clock you notice you're running late for work. despite the distraction, han gets you to work on time. nothing a speeding car can't fix.

-the first big fight between you and han is intense. the two of you never fight, you might argue about petty stuff but it's nothing serious. this time around is different.

-you have taken to going out with han to the club he owns on occasion. it's a time where you both have fun, drink, dance, flirt...all normal things.

-except one day you tell han you're not going because you had promised to go out with mindy. when mindy cancels, you decide to show up in han's club to surprise him. you knew he was there, seeing the orange mazda parked by the entrance.

-you go in, excited to spend time with him. you walk past the first area into the empty hallway and into the other room where han tends to hangout.

-you weave through the crowd of dancing people and spot him by the bar. you're about to call out to him when you notice two girls by his sides as he talks to a guy you don't know.

-you really try not to let it bother you but when one of the women starts whispering in his ear and you see him nodding to her words as she touches his chest, you loose it.

-tears burn your eyes, not out of sadness but out of frustration. is this what he does when you can't make it? good to know he finds a way to keep himself entertained.

-han sees you as you glare at him and turn to leave the stuffy place. at first he doesn't catch why you're glaring at him. he instantly follows you and only manages to catch up to you outside.

"baby, where are you going?"

"home," you spit angrily, continuing to walk, "have fun with your whores."

"what are you on about?" han asks, jogging to catch up to you.

you turn back on your heels and stare at him in disbelief, "what am i on about? i was excited to come here and spend time with you and instead i find you wrapped around two fake blondes whispering in your ear. its real reassuring to know you have company when i'm not around," you scream angrily, tears threatening to spill. you didn't want to cry, but your frustration couldn't be contained.

"baby, it's nothing, and nothing was going to happen," han reassures you, sighing in disbelief that you're angry about this.

"i have a hard time believing that," you scoff, rolling your eyes and looking away from him.

"why are you so jealous? i've never given you a reason to. hell, i spend all my time with you!" han argues, begging for you to look at him. he's getting angry as well at the fact you're acting so distrusting.

"god, han how do you want me to feel when i see you around them, huh? you want me to smile and let them be all over you? please, don't embarrass me that way," you exclaim, tears starting to roll down.

"i want you to understand that it's not what you think and that they are friends of mine. i love you, i would never even think of cheating on you," han says. he hates seeing you cry and he wants to go over to you and wipe your tears away but you're being unreasonable.

"and they probably don't know about me either, right? i know you like keeping your secrets," you sniff. it took sean and twinkie months to learn you even existed.

hans stays quiet, letting her know all she needs to. "right," you scoff. you wipe tear after tear away but they continue to fall. turning around you go out into the street to get a taxi.

"it's not because i don't want to. i do it to protect you," he says exasperated, "stop running away from the argument!" han calls out your name, something he rarely does. this is serious. "it's not fair."

"what isn't?" you ask, waiting for a taxi to make an appearance.

"that you don't trust me," han speaks from behind her, "i trust you completely, i don't question you when you go out with your friends."

"that's because i don't let random men all over me!" you yell again, refusing to apologize.

"they aren't random girls, they are friends. fuck, they even have boyfriends!" han screams back at you. it's the first time he raises his voice at you. he's equally as frustrated at you are.

-he doesn't even understand how the night ended up like this, screaming in the streets of tokyo. there's very few people that can make him blow up like that and he hates it.

"whatever, han," a taxi eventually pulls up and you get in it, leaving han behind.

-the next night han doesn't go over to the diner, but he does wait till you finish your shift, preferring to drive you home. the fight might've been bad but not bad enough where he'll let you go back to walking alone in the middle of the night. he still loves you after all.

-the drive is quiet and long, he's not speeding like he usually does. he's giving you time to speak or apologize but nothing comes so he plays along. the same cycle repeats for the following days, neither wants to apologize and neither wants to terminate the relationship.

-by the sixth day you're over it, you miss han, you miss his attention, his touches, his voice even. you admit you overreacted. you personally blame it on hormonal mood swings, because the following day you got your period.

-he picks you up as usual, without a word. you get into his car and try to think about what to say. you really hope you haven't ruined your relationship.

-han hears a sniffle and turns to see you trying to hold back tears.

"hey hey hey, are you okay? did something happen?" he asks softly, finding somewhere to park. he's worried something bad happened at work.

"i'm so stupid, han. please, i'm sorry," you cry, "the other night i just got so jealous. i do trust you. please, forgive me."

it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, han can breathe properly again. "baby, i'm sorry too. i never realized how you would feel seeing me like that with others even if they are just my friends."

"i missed you," you tell him, looking into his eyes.

"i missed you, more," he responds with a soft smile.

with a trembling bottom lip, you throw yourself over the middle console to hug him. he hugs you back just as tightly, kissing your head.

"lets go home," han says.

-you guys are an adventurous couple. you find ways to spice up your sex lives on the daily. han likes to tease you...a lot. if you were going to the club, or on a date, or just drive around he'd challenge you to try to cum before you arrive at your destination.

-you accept each and every time. proping one leg on the dash of hans car (you're the only one allowed) you lift your skirt or dress up your hips and slide a hand in between your legs.

-you moan and whine are you circle your clit and dip a finger into your pussy. meanwhile han races through the streets of tokyo to prevent you from reaching your peak.

"han, i need you," you moan over the sounds of your wet center. "hannie, please." to distract him even further you push away the straps of your dress, letting it fall down to your waist, revealing your chest.

-han only spares you a glance, his pants tightening instantly at your exposed state. you clearly knows his weakness. han presses harder on the pedal to go faster.

"han, baby, i'm so close," you release a high pitched moan. your movements quicken only for your hand to be stopped by your boyfriend.

-somewhere along the way you had closed your eyes. han won this time around, having arrived at your destination.

"maybe next time, baby," han smirks, fixing the top of your dress before anyone sees you, giving your boobs a little squeeze along the way.

you sigh in frustration, letting your foot fall from the dash and closing your legs in a more appropriate manner.

"i never win this game," you huff, opening the door of the humid car.

-because han is so laid back you like to act like a brat to mess with him. i'm talking bending down in front of him, showing him your underwear or lack there of, rubbing yourself against him while you dance, or whispering dirty things in his ear while he talks to his friends.

-he'd be cool, unbothered, trying his best to ignore you until you're left alone for a second. if you're walking in front of him he'd gently pull your hair, bringing your head back as he whispers in your ear, "keep acting like that and see what happens." then han would walk off, pulling you behind him as if he didn't just soak your panties.

-in time, takashi learns about you and meets you. it's a consequence of getting more involved in han's life. he low key likes you in a friendly way. you act laid back in a similar matter to han. most importantly you don't meddle with things that don't concern you, if he has to talk business with han you're the first one to stand up and go. you're just not interested, the less you know the better. if it were up to han he wouldn't let you go, preferring to have you by his side.

-whenever he goes around han's club takashi always says hello and even buys you drinks. he likes you because you're not a foreigner unlike sean or twinkie or even han.

-surprisingly what makes you click with takashi is food recommendations. yes, the intimidating DK has great restaurant's to recommend.

-terrible news come when you find out the diner is closing. the entire staff was called in for a meeting during the day. you didn't think much of it, believing it would be a change of ownership as it's happened in the past.

-when the owner announces that they are closing from that day forward, you panic. this is your job without it you have no income. you take your time before you return to a sleeping han. you had to think and come up with a solution soon.

-back in the apartment you enter quietly knowing han is probably still asleep. you take off your shoes and trudge over to the bed, falling on it gently.

-you take in han as he sleeps peacefully, he likes to sleep on his stomach, hugging your waist, but if you're not there then a pillow will take your place, like now.

-for the most part he sleeps shirtless, because he gets hot at night. you begin tracing your fingers over his back softly, almost tickling him. han starts waking up because of your touch.

-you tell him all about the diner closing in whispers, feeling safe and calm in the confines of the bedroom. he listens quietly as you process your thought out loud. he lies back on the pillows with you pressed against his chest, tracing shapes with your fingers over his skin.

"what's the plan now?" han asks. his hand under your shirt, rubbing your back.

"find another job. tokyo is big, i'm bound to find something quickly," you shrug, pressing a kiss to his chest. it's been a long afternoon of nothing. just resting in bed and spending time with han.

"what about your dream?" he wonders.

"which one?" you giggle, knowing you talk a lot of hopes and dreams.

"becoming a chef, opening up a restaurant..." han reminds you, glancing at your face.

"it's a dream, hannie. i can barely afford my apartment right now, i can't open a restaurant," you say disappointed. owning a restaurant will never be possible for you.

"you have me, let me help you," han hums casually as if he just offered to buy you a drink at a bar.

"i can't ask that of you, han. it's too much money," you instantly refuse, propping yourself up to stare at your boyfriend.

"i want to help you, baby. i've tasted your cooking and it's one of the best things i've tried in my life. i believe in your dream," han mentions, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

"i don't know," you say unsure, tilting your head as you overthink things. you don't want han to believe you're with him for his money.

"see it this way. i'll be your investor, when the time comes you'll buy me out," he offers an alternative, knowing that otherwise you wouldn't agree.

"are you sure?" you ask once again.

"i am," he nods, pecking your pouty lips.

"i don't deserve you," you say as a smile breaks out from your lips.

-you get to work quickly on the restaurant of your dreams because time is money and you're serious about this. this is not another project you can start and leave half way through.

-you end up buying out the space the diner used to be at. since the owner knows you, he didn't totally screw you over.

-having the space and working with architects and designers for the interior of it. you're left to work on the menu. you don't want it to be one menu for the next three years, you want it to change with the seasons and the produce that's available at those times. you want it all to be as fresh as possible.

-han takes the back seat on the whole restaurant thing, trusting you know what you're doing. he opens up an account for the restaurant where you can dip in for whatever you need.

-with the restaurant under renovation you spend your time in the kitchen, working on the menu for the opening. han would be generous enough to help you with the dishes and being a taste tester. he hates to admit he’s gained a few pounds but you love it.

-with the sudden change in your schedule you're actually sleeping at night and working during the day. but you and han make it work despite your different sleep schedules.

-han is the type of boyfriend to kiss your head whenever he has to leave and you're asleep. he does the same when he comes back late at night and cuddles up to you. just a quick peck on your forehead.

-you like when he does it, since it lets you know he's back home safe and sound. you always lift up the sheets so he can het closer to your body and spoon you.

-han gets you a pair of very expensive Opyum YSL high heels for your birthday. it's a very indulgent present, because he got them to feed into his kink of fucking you with heels on.

-one year and half into your relationship han asks you to move in with him. you barely spend time at yours anyway, if you do go there it's to do laundry. you agree but not before you have a long conversation as to what this relationship means to the two of you.

"hannie, i need to know. where do you see this relationship going?" han means the world to you and you see a future with him. you'd love to get married and have kids in the next ten years. you know you haven't been very long with him but it's something that's better to discuss now.

han takes a minute to respond as he gathers his thoughts but his answer is confident, "i don't care where it goes as long as i'm with you." whatever you want he will give you. a big wedding, small wedding, eloping, live together.

-you smile at his answer and continue to talk about your future together. you learn he wants children, two of them to be precise. in the past he didn't want any, yet as he grew older and some of his friends had children of their own he realized it wouldn't be a bad thing at all.

-han isn't one to listen to a ton of music, he doesn't have a preference either. unlike some people he likes listening to his thoughts. you on the other hand always have music blasting. since you two live together han is somewhat forced to listen to whatever you are listening to. as long as it makes you happy he endures it.

-han starts memorizing and vibing to your music in no time. often times you'll find him singing under his breath. if you leave an album in his car he might even listen to it. out of all the music you listen to he likes girl groups the most and will even go to concerts with you.

-han doesn't smoke cigarettes anymore, he hasn't in a long time but he has indulged in smoking weed on occasion. one calm night you're home, watching tv and han asks if you mind. you don't as long as he shares.

-you were asthmatic as a child and try not to be around smokers much but you'd lie if you hadn't tried smoking both weed and cigarettes in your college years.

-weed is highly illegal in japan, but han has contacts so buying it was a piece of cake. he rolls it himself, impressing you with his abilities. you sit on his lap as you pass the joint between the two of you.

-han blows rings into the air, making you giggle. some things he can't forget like the silly tricks or the burn in his lungs. you cough for the first few puff's and he thinks you're cute.

-you forgot weed made you horny so an hour and a half later you find yourself straddling han’s lap, kissing him. the taste of weed on both your tongues. you roll your hips against him, your panties soaked, getting his pants wet.

-han gets lazy when he's high so he lets you do as you please. getting it up is not a problem. discarding your underwear and undoing hans pants you ride his hard cock slowly. you relish having him deep inside of you.

-you throw your head back in pleasure and he lifts your t shirt to take one nipple into his mouth, playing with the metal bar adorning it. getting the piercing made you so much more sensitive to nipple stimulation.

-han watches you. your face scrunched in pleasure as you grind your hips against him. he lives for the show, your sweat shining pretty under the lights.

-you're on the shorter side so han is always taking things down from the cabinets for you. he lets you struggle first though seeing your as your skirt rising up, exposing your body to his eyes. han could keep his stuff on the lower shelves but he likes to feel needed by you.

-just as he is observant with others han reads you like a book. he knows what you’re feeling before you figure it out yourself, including what you feel in bed. he knows when you’re gonna cum before you do. your body gives him all the indication he needs.

pt.3

im also accepting requests!

if you’d like me to tag you let me know!

y’all don’t know how much i love this gif. i'm an idiot that thinks he’s so fucking cool. the flipping of the bag is nothing out of this world and here i am, swooning over it.

[itsagrimm]

Wegbier

Translation: a beer for the road. It’s the drink (often a beer but other drinks like Clubmate or Almdudler for those that don’t drink alcohol are also common) one takes with them when wandering from one space to another while out with friends. And I literally mean wandering. It’s not a drinking while driving thing but a drinking while walking or using the public transport thing.

CN mentions of alcohol and drinking, theft, reader gets lifted up (hold on tight, spidermonkey!), drunk König

Summary: You are walking home with your boyfriend after a night out and cause havoc.

For legal reasons this is a joke.

König X gn reader

1,2 k words

Song that fits this: The Cure – The Lovecats

It was night. Or morning. Somewhere in between when it was hard to tell. You had missed the train to get back into town and instead of waiting for the replacing night bus, you had allowed König to talk you into walking.

“Come on!”, he called back over his shoulder. His long strides made him leave you behind ever 5 minutes and he had to turn around and wait for you to catch up.

“I don’t want to walk anymore!”, you lamented, tired from spending the last hours out with friends and enjoying the summer night at the lake.

“Leave me here, just let me sleep in the woods.”, you gasped dramatically, “That fallen tree with the moss over there looks so cosy.”

He starred into the woods, “That tree looks rotten.”

You suppressed a yawn and took a sip from your Wegbier before dragging yourself on. “Alright, nevermind. Off wandering home, we go. Through the dark hours of the night.”

König chuckled, “Since when are you so dramatic?”

“Since when are you so keen on walking everywhere?”

Another chuckle. “It’s not even 2 kilometres. You are just too used to cars. Less whining, more walking.”

“Easy for you to say, König. You take a step and you already have made about half of that distance.”

“That’s an…”, he paused and took a sip from his Wegbier before continuing while searching for the word, “…exaggeration. That’s the English word. Exaggeration. You exaggerate. For the dramatic effect.”

It was your turn to chuckle.

The evening and the alcohol had turned you into an overdramatic tipsy mess.

But it had turned König into the unfiltered version of himself, laying every thought bare with delightful simplicity.

Your visit in König’s hometown had been fun. It showed you a playful side in him when he joked around with his family, showed you places he loved, or taught you new german words until your head spun from the confusing grammar and unfamiliar pronunciations.

A more surprising thing to you, however, was the amount of walking.

To the store.

To friends.

The odd habit of having to leave the house at least once a day for a little walk like an animal stalking their territory.

And now you walked home with your boyfriend.

At least he walked. You needed a break.

“Come on! We nearly made it”, he called once again before stopping in his tracks and started laughing.

It was a gremlin laugh. One of those laughs followed up by either something very funny or very concerning.

You stared, slightly confused, and finished your beer before putting it next to a trash can for easier access to whoever collected the trash. Another habit König had taught you.

“What is it?”, you called and caught up with your boyfriend, following his stare onto the other side of the street.

“I need this.”, he growled.

“What?”

He nodded into the direction of one of the signs at the side of the road.

You squinted your eyes to see better despite the twilight and the distance to the sign.

K-Ö-N-I-G-S-S-T-R-A-S-S-E.

Your slow, tired and intoxicated brain needed a moment before finally gluing together the letters and translating the word.

Königsstrasse.

Kingstreet.

The street sign displayed your boyfriends callsign.

He laughed again and finished his beer.

“You in?”

You turned to him. “You mean, stealing it?”

He shrugged.

“Yeah. It’s fairly dirty. It will be replaced soon anyway.”

“Awww,”, you teased, “Are you, an active mercenary, trying to justify your crimes? No need, I’m in.”

He nodded as if only half listening and already planning the heist while finishing his own beer and leaving it next to yours at the trash can.

You looked around. A bit off from you there were a couple of houses, dark and silent as its inhabitants likely were deep asleep at this time. The street was empty. And above you a sole nightingale had started to sing.

Determined to get that sign, you crossed the street.

It was up high. Very high.

You jumped, trying to touch it only to miss it by a couple of centimetres.

“There is an easier way.”, König rasped, appearing out of thin air right behind you like a lynx before grabbing you and putting you onto his shoulders.

“Woah!”, you cried out in surprise, “A warning, next time please?”

“Next time? Do you think we are making this a habit, Mausi?”

You giggled at the sound of the pet name and started to feel the street sign for any way to remove the board from the pole.

“Shit!”, you cursed, “We need a screwdriver. Or a socket wrench.”

“A what?”

“A socket wrench.” You made a few cracking sounds to imitate a socket wrench while circling your hands like using… well, a wrench.

“Ah”, was all your boyfriend did while fumbling at his belt underneath you.

You grabbed the sign to steady yourself and grimaced. It really was dirty.

“Try this.”, König passed you his multi tool, “Try the screwdriver on the left side.

You mumbled a few curses while trying to see and get out the right piece of the multi tool in the twilight.

“Got it.”, you finally whispered after having cut yourself nearly twice while fumbling with the tool, “Why do you even have that with you, König?”

“To steal shit and cause havoc of course”, he replied without hesitation.

“Ah-a”, you replied while working on dislodging the sign. It took you a few tries but König hardly swayed underneath you or complained about your weight while you worked on securing the trophy.

“I have it.”, you finally declared and pulled the sign free.

“Is it heavy?”

“No, König, I can hold it. Just let me get down.”

Another of those gremlin snickers escaped your boyfriend as he stepped away from the pole and started walking into the direction of the town.

“What are you doing!”, you cried, trying to hold onto him with the multitool in one hand and the in spiderwebs and dirt covered huge sign in your other.

“I’m carrying you home. You didn’t want to walk anyway, and I’m tired of waiting for you, Mausi.”

“Fucking hell.”, you cursed while grabbing onto his head for balance.

XXX

Epilogue

It was past midday as you woke up. König was snoring peacefully next to you with the pillow over his head to keep out the light.

Still feeling sleepy but not tired enough to get up yet, you turned – and stilled.

Next to the bed was a sign.

A huge streetsign.

You elbowed König and he groaned in protest.

“What is it?”, he grumbled.

“Exactly. What is this?”

With a sheepish look he looked over you.

“Huh, Mausi. That looks like a night's out yield.”

[corporatefrog]

꒦‧₊ ꒷ HEADCANNONS: team stan reacting to yn being in the hospital✧.*

✧.* tags: superhero au, college au

✧.* Characters: stan marsh, kyle broflovski, kenny mccromick, butters stotch

a/n: i ran into a bit of a wall with team craig but i'm going to give it another go tomorrow!

masterlist

Stan:

You send him a text saying you won’t be at the next dnd session because your in the hospital with a broken rib 

Straight up just says “I’m sorry”

Nothing else. He doesn’t know how to talk to people. 

You saw him dealing with kenny dying, he does NOT know what to say

He’s freaking the fuck out though irl. Are you okay? What if you aren’t okay? What is he going to do if you aren’t okay?

He comes to visit you when you tell Kenny and Kyle and they DRAG him into the room

He got you a giant fucking basket of random stuff that doesn’t really apply to you but you appreciate it nonetheless

“Are there any broken rib vitamins in here?”

“Those are a thing? I didn’t realize they made those. I can go grab some right now-”

“I fucking with you, dude. Thank you for the basket :)”

Kenny: 

You’re talking to him normally, chatting about your day

Then he asks if you want to get pizza, smoke, and watch Rango

“Oh sorry, I’m in the hospital rn so probably not tonight"

"WHAT???"

"yeah my bus was hit by the stampede of cows from the villain attack yesterday"

You get no response

But that’s because 5 minutes later, kenny is standing in the doorway of your hospital room with a slushie from 7/11 in hand

It was the only thing he thought to get you (because who doesn’t love a slushie?)

You’ve got a few bruises and a hairline fracture on your ankle but Kenny acts like you are on death’s door

“Just don’t go towards the light” 

“If you really thought I was dying, you should’ve brought me more than slushie.”

“Should I have brought 2 slushies?”

Becomes your personal errand boy until you’ve recovered. 

Hungry? He’s got your grocery list and a recipe printed out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Bored? Time for a movie marathon.

Need help with class? He’s dragging kyle down the hall for whatever you may need. 

Butters:

He was there when you got hurt because you were trying to film a fight and the coon miscalculated his landing spot, landing on a bunch of trash cans and sending a lid hurtling towards you

Obviously as butters, he’d rush over and help you 

But he was PROFESSOR CHAOS

And what is more chaotic than a civilian being included in the battle? 

But this wasn’t any civilian, it was YOU 

And he’ll ground HIMSELF if he lets someone get away with hurting you >:(

He’d shout out a “TIME OUT” which mainly just confuses everyone (as any agent of chaos would do)

But it’s enough time for him to grab you and run away from the fight to his LAIR OF CHAOS where general disarray is able to give you a check up

After working with chaos for a few years, general disarray realized there needed to be someone with medical training so he took a few courses at the community center and now he’s on his way to being a registered nurse! 

Doesn’t stop apologizing even though you tell him it wasn’t his fault. 

Takes all of his stuffed animals from his bed and brings them over to you so you’re not alone while you wait for Disarray to give you the go ahead to go home 

Kyle

Probably asking why you weren’t in class and you tell him you’re in the hospital

Thinks it’s a joke at first 

But you send him a picture of you hooked up to the heart monitor

The coon had used you as a human shield during a fight with a villain and you ended up getting hit with an energy blast by Solar Flare (bebe’s supervillain persona hehe)

He calls you instantly

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Don’t kill him, kyle”

“Too late. I'm killing him. This is too fucking far.”

“Aw you care 🙂”

“No i just needed a reason to finally put that fucker in the ground.”

“Oh sure, just be mean to the person hooked up to fucking life support”

“YOU'RE ON LIFE SUPPORT?!”

“No, I just wanted to see how you’d react.”

“When i’m done killing cartman, you’re next.”

Spoiler alert: he was joking. 

He brings you flowers and a sudoku probably 

And the notes from the class you missed like the absolute king he is

Talks to the doctor when you get discharged and basically becomes a live-in nurse

“The doctor said you need to limit your screen time while you recover. Do your crossword instead” 

Okay fucking MOM

Just kidding it’s sweet

[teacupcollector]

Playing With Soaps Hair

Modern Warfare II Masterlist

A/N: This was mentioned in 'The Art of Misdirection' Part 2 so I thought I would go into more detail.

A/N: I am in no way a hairstylist or cosmetologist (If that is even the right profession I have no idea xD) So my hair cut knowledge is limited lol Summary: You find out Soap likes his hair played with.

You quickly found out that Soap likes his hair being played with after attempting to cut his hair. It was a Saturday morning so they weren't needed for training or anything else that day. You and Soap were in the Mess snacking on peanut butter that they managed to trade when Soap let out a sigh.

"What's up?" You ask as you take a sip of water trying to wash down the peanut butter you had just consumed.

"Nothin' really Misdi, I just need a haircut, but I don't like the barber at this particular base..." He says.

You chuckle. You had been sent on a mission with Gaz included to a Base in Germany. You have made a few friends while you have been here and have heard the rumors behind the heavy handed barber on base.

"I could do it for you if you'd like." You say with a smile.

"We can sneak in when the guy is on lunch or something." You say, your smile turning into a mischievous smirk. "I like the way you think Corporal." Soap says with an equally mischievous smirk while winking.

You got the schedule from a big guy in a sniper hood. He seemed nice so you made sure to give him the rest of your peanut butter stash for when this job is done. You have Soap sit in the chair while you get the clippers ready. When they are ready you put a cape over the front of his body to prevent hair going all over him "Are you sure you don't want to let it grow out a bit?" You ask as you plug them in and turn on the power. "I'm sure. This mop isn't the best." He says with a sigh. You turn him toward the mirror and run your hand through his Mohawk. You sigh. "That's unfortunate... You should be known as 'conditioner' instead of 'Soap'" You say as you start with the sides. "You want a two right?" I say referencing to the clip size. "Mhm... And why 'Conditioner?'" John asks as he closes his eyes. “You have the softest hair that any women would want to grab.” You say as you move to the back of his head. He nearly moans in delight. You continue to run your hands through his hair to adjust his head on occasion. You just happened to look up to look at his face. You see him wiggle his eyebrows. "Are you saying you want to pull my hair? Kind of sensual don' ya think?" Your face goes bright red. "Misdi goin' all red on me? Do I need to talk to the higher ups?" He says in a teasing tone.

"S-Sorry Sargent I'll do pa-" "Calm down I am only joking... No paperwork needed." Soap continues to smirk. You grumble under your breath as you change the clipper size to a three. You begin to shave the top of his head and he hums in delight. You smile slightly and begin to hum to yourself. You see him looking at you through the mirror. "How do you know how to do hair?" He asks and you laugh nervously. "Big family... People need hair cuts." You say with a smile. You finish the top of his head and get the blow dryer to get all the loose hairs off. "There you go! All set!" You say with a smile before. "I would have rinsed your hair or something bu-" "Want to feel me up some more?" Soap asks with a smirk.

You scoff. "No... I wanted to water board you..." You say as you put the clippers back and wipe them down with some form of disinfectants. "Don't worry babydoll you can play with my hair all you like." He says as he stands up and removes the cape. You grab a broom and dust pan. As he is walking to the door you trip him causing him to face plant into the door. You burst out laughing. That is until you hear the sound of stomping footsteps coming within the building and heading toward your direction. "Shit lets go!" You say, but you make sure to trip him again which ultimately got him caught. That is when you run into Gaz. "Why are you all out of breath?" He asks. "N-No reason! I uh... I need to go see a guy about some peanut butter. His name is uh King I think." You quickly look behind you to see a not so happy Soap. "SEE YOU LATER!" You exclaim as you run toward your barracks to grab said peanut butter.

[ohanny]

change host club show

part 2/3

part one

michael as the bartender

he started working at the club the same week as pavel and they've been a team from the start. while he's glad his menu and bartending flair are one of the few things benz deems acceptable, he shares every single concern pavel has about the future of this place. he lives with his grandmother and has been helping her raise his 5 year old half-sister ever since their deadbeat parents were sent to jail for drug dealing three years ago. before, pavel was always there step up and take his shift when he had to stay / rush home because of an emergency but he seriously doubts benz will be as understanding which terrifies him.

garfield as the pillow princess

garfield is…. plain lazy. he ended up working at the club after searching the internet for “jobs that pay you money without you having to do anything.” sitting and looking pretty is about as much effort as he's willing to make in order to pay rent and really, he would much rather be on his couch with his cat. benz and him get off to a rough start when his new boss tries to force him to take a dance class - “sorry, i don't do cardio” - but after negotiating his way out of it by volunteering to wear cat ears and meow at clients, he figures it's not that bad. it’s pretty great, actually. benz and nut bring in clients who tip way more and soon he's a) negotiating less hours in exchange for wearing scandalous costumes and b) keeping an eye out for a potential sugar daddy.

topten as the dancer

topten is the first hire benz makes in order to elevate the club’s image. he's the younger brother of one of benz’s friends and was recently kicked out his house for blowing a prestigious internship his father arranged for him in a major law firm in favor of joining a dance company. He was classically trained in ballet before moving to contemporary jazz and aerial work and frankly he thinks he is way too good for this gig. benz reminds him that his dad has given him until the end of the month to quit dance or he’ll be financially cut off and being an understudy doesn't pay that much. plus, this way? not only would he be the star, he'd get full(ish) creative control and could choreograph all the performances to his liking.

ping as the bus boy

ping is a quiet introvert who was originally meant to be the bouncer because he is very buff and intimidating but they discovered very quickly that he can't handle any kind of confrontation and he was moved indoors to help out where needed. benz takes one look at him and decides it's time for a promotion because a host like that? ka-ching, baby! unfortunately for benz, capitalism and clients of all gender, ping’s shyness is no joke. he's unable make direct eye contact or string together two words to make a sentence even in a training scenario. he just blushes and becomes a stuttering mess which is a tragedy. does this stop benz from putting him in a size xs vest and making him do plenty of trips to across the floor and have him carry crates of booze and dirty glassware in full view of the club goers? no. it is a business after all.

pop as the hostess

by day pop is a mild-mannered, math loving accountant in thick glasses and grandpa sweaters. by night he becomes miss poppy, the hostess with the mostest. miss poppy - mistress poppy on fridays for her spanks & shots special - is everything accountant pop isn't and the difference is so jarring it takes the new employees months to realize they are the same person. where pop carries himself with hunched shoulders, miss poppy commands attention with easy confidence, towering over the club goers on her platform boots. she is undoubtedly the club’s biggest draw and the second highest earner with sheer volume on her side - really, the only reason the top spot belongs to garfield is because garfield works exclusively in the vip booths with the high rollers and would wear a slutty teletubby costume for a bigger tip.

[balloons-and-shadows]

* Swedish Culture *

As my exchange semester is coming to an end, I want to share with you what learned about Sweden the last 6 months

Trains drive on the left side of the tracks. On dagen H, everyone switched from driving on the left side to the right side, except for trains. Swedes will look at you funny for bringing that up.

On every product there is a detailed description of how each part of the product should be recycled. We need to do that everywhere.

Fika <33333333

There are no rules for biking here. It is chaos. As a Dutch person I'm very confused

Love to the academic quarter that allows me to be 15 minutes late to every lecture

I think Gävlebocken is a tradition we need to keep. Especially the burning part of it.

Why does everything close so early during the weekends??? What am I supposed to do??

Ikea has my heart. And a lot of my money.

Sun setting at 14.30 makes me want to eat dinner so early already

Also, the cold makes my hair literally so static? Does anyone know what to do about it?

I can never live without kanelbullar again

The amount of lactosefree options there are everywhere! Love it!

Swedes will be sitting outside of a café even when it is -2 degrees. I have the utmost respect for them.

Why do you close everything for the winter? What am I supposed to do now??

The Ikea stereotype is no joke. Everything I own is from Ikea. Everything my friends own is from Ikea.

I miss cheap alcohol :(

Where are there random loose chairs and tables in your trains? Where do they come from? Why are they there?

Affordable housing <333

Little kids in their little snowsuits with their little snowboots are the cutest thing ever

In small towns, you can find like 7 different Japanese restaurants. Nothing else tho.

Kötbullar are so cheap. I love them. I buy them all the time.

I need to know, why are you so obsessed with Thailand as a country?? I need answers.

I'm not made to withstand -15 degrees. No Swede bats an eye.

Also, choirs are a very big thing??? I wish I could sing well.

Did I already mention kanelbullar? <33333

People ask you if you've already been to the ABBA museum. You have not. You are also not planning on going. Still, people ask you.

The Vasa Museum is a very controversial topic.

The red barns you see everywhere are painted with animal blood. You like to point that out to everyone who comes to visit you.

You have not seen the sun in days. You live on vitamin D-supplements and nothing else

Icehockey looks 75% of the time like very aggressive flirting. You know, like the kdramas

You are sitting in the bus quietly. There are people checking the tickets. You have a ticket. Suddenly, there are 4 people standing over you checking your ticket. There's only 5 people in the bus.

16.00 is rush hour. That is very early.

People will not move out of the way for you. Not in the supermarket, not on the train or on the pavement. There have been many times I have had to walk on the road because people will not move for you.

What is lingonberry and why do you put it in everything?

Why do your parties start and end so early?? Why is 4.00 considered "late"?

Just like the Vasa museum, Gamla Uppsala is a very controversial topic.

Tiny rocks are strewn over the street to combat the ice and snow. They get stuck in your shoes. There is a tiny rock collection on the floor of the hallway now.

It is -20 degrees Celsius outside. You see a dude wearing kaki shorts.

Tomten has my heart. He is so tiny.

Student discounts <3333

[noxturnalnymph]

Life Update

It feels to be like I've been pretty absent on here and that bums me out. I had to step back a little for my mental health because the negativity in this fandom does affect me. But stepping back also bums me out because this site can be SO fun when I'm interacting with my moots and making new moots and all of us are squealing about new pics of our boyfriend together.

That being said - the MAJOR reason I have been absent in the past 2 weeks is because of travel. And oh boy.... is this a whopper of a story. So, if you're interested in a tale of insanity, read below the cut.

[TL;DR] I'm back (not that I went anywhere)

sorry I couldn't resist TUWOMT reference, I actually went a lot of places and some of them were good and some were terrible but I really am back now. (Also, I posted this at 2am apparently but did not mean to do that then, so I am reposting now)

So first of all, I was in my hometown in upstate NY last week visiting my family because we are planning to move to the West Coast after our lease is up here so we wanted to visit again before we moved across the country. I live in Florida and we drove 2 days - with our cat in tow - (because my anxiety is so bad it makes it impossible for me to step on an airplane). While I was home I took the train with my bff to Manhattan for 3 days and we hung out there, didn't get to meet Pedro Pascal even once, and took the train back to my hometown. My husband and I drove the 2 days back home and got back Sunday night. It was exhausting and I was only home for like 38 hours and then Tuesday at 1pm I began my next trip. Started with an 18 hour bus ride from Orlando to Lafayette, Louisiana to get a train from Lafayette to Los Angeles, CA. I was planning on being there 12 days before getting the train back to Lafayette and then a bus back to Orlando.

So as I've said I have a terrible fear of flying and I am also the owner of a very bad back (and since my husband and I share a car) I didn’t want to do all that driving alone (dangerous/stressful and bad back) and couldn’t fly cuz of my mental illness. So this is by no means meant to be offensive, but I’m apparently too much of a babygirl to be a bus person. I did not know this. I thought I was tough. Nope. 2.5 hours in on the bus ride and I’ve been listening to this man 2 rows in front of me play instagram reels on his phone the whole time even though the driver said 5 times (FIVE TIMES) to wear headphones….. Well the driver gets sick of it, pulls over at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and tells the guy to leave. He won't so the cops are called. The cops show up and he finally gets off the bus after a 30 min delay. I’m like….. WHAT THE FUCK? IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS??? I didn't know if this man was gonna get mad and start swinging on the bus driver or the cops..... it was scary.

The first station I was at in Orlando I almost threw up cuz I was so nervous. Before I got on the bus I went to pee and to wash my hands and there wasn’t any fucking soap in the bathroom. I thought that was bad. AND YET SOMEHOW.... every subsequent stop was somehow worse. Literally, I kept saying to myself “this can’t get any worse” ....and it kept getting worse. These are the sketchiest, dirtiest fucking places you can imagine. I was staring at this toothless old white dude behind the counter at one of their convenience stores and thought to myself “this has got to be a movie set cuz this can’t be real.” Kind of waiting for someone to jump out and say "PSYCH this is all a joke. I know the floors here look like they were mopped with literal dirt, and everyone looks angry or drugged out, but this is all fake. It's all a joke meant to make you lose your mind." But that didn't happen. I've just never experienced anything like it. I’ve never seen anything so disgusting in my life. The 2nd to last stop only had doors on 2 of the 7 bathroom stalls. One of the stations had a TV on that just played old reruns of a Jaime Fox show while every child in the building cried and coughed at alternating intervals. Yes, this was 3am, and they made three busses full of people cram into a station with not enough seats and wait around for an hour... This is not a joke. 

I felt so fucking unsafe the whole time but I had to get off the bus at the stops and walk around (cuz they made you) but also cuz I was VIOLENTLY motion sick the whole fucking ride on the bus. Like clutching a barf bag with a pounding head and miserable. Also on the bus almost everyone else had two seats to themselves and I had a seat partner the entire time, but it kept changing. First it was a girl and then a kid and they were cool but then it was cigarette smelling guy and then guy who literally wouldn’t stop accidentally touching me, including putting his elbow in my back multiple times (I have fucking herniated discs so this did NOT feel good). 

And when I tell you that my back hurt, i mean i couldn’t spread out or anything cuz someone was fucking next to me the whole time so my back was on fire. I was in so much pain I cried 3 separate times. So I couldn’t sleep cuz people kept talking and I was in pain and the ride was rough and guy kept touching me. And I just kept telling myself, ok countdown cuz you’re almost there you're almost there. And by now I told myself - this final stop - the bus/train station in Lafayette - is not going to be clean but it’s okay, because you’re going to be off the bus and it’s going to be okay.

WRONG....

When I tell you that they pulled up to a dark parking lot at 4:50am next to a building with gates drawn down over the doors and dropped me off - I was in fucking shock. “Is this building closed?”  i shouted at the bus driver. “yeah,” he says, getting back on the bus.  “Ummmm, where do i go?” I’m fucking starting to panic. “You can go sit on the platform till they open in a few hours.”  and he’s gone. 

I’m alone in the dark with my luggage at the fucking bus station in downtown Lafayette. 

Oh except I’m not alone because there are 3 men milling about, one of them keeps asking me my name, two of them ride bikes past me back and forth. I go to sit on the platform and this alarm goes off and this voice comes over the loudspeaker shouting  “THERE IS NO LOITERING ALLOWED HERE. PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.” and repeats non-stop.  One of the guys goes “why is it doing that? Is it gonna call the police?” HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?? I FUCKING WISH IT WOULD MY DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I tell him my name to be nice and he keeps telling me i should come sit with him and this other guy cuz it’s “safer” and I’m like….   IS IT THO?!?!?!?  and he keeps saying “youve never been here? Do you wanna go see downtown? It’s a short walk, i’ll help you roll your suitcase.”   BRO WE’RE NOT GOING COURTING IT’S FUCKING FIVE IN THE MORNING. This man wants to go on a fucking stroll with me and I am just envisioning what my Forensic Files episode is gonna be like and hoping the re-enactment actor they get to play me isn't too ugly.

I’m desperately trying to call a lyft to take me literally anywhere else, and no one is accepting my ride request. FINALLY someone accepts, and after 45 minutes of sitting in the dark, trembling out of fear and cold in only a tshirt with my bags hunched around me, I get my ride. The lyft driver takes me to a Hilton hotel by the airport. I walk in, and I’m mid panic attack and crying and tell the employees there at 6am my story and ask if I can pay for a room so I have somewhere safe to hang out. They refuse to make me pay and offer me the lobby (lots of outlets and large, plush couches) for as long as I need it and tell me to help myself to the hot breakfast and coffee. Fucking Angels.

Does it stop there? No it doesn’t. Cuz I still have to go back to the train station for my train to California, which leaves at 12:30pm. So I spend HOURS in the hotel lobby, chilling and eating and it’s nice and I feel safe. I schedule a lyft to pick me up at 11:15 so I can get back to the train station with an hour before I’m scheduled to depart.

BUT OH WAIT.

10:45am I get a text that my train has been canceled. CANCELED.... Apparently, there are storms affecting the route, so my train will not be running between New Orleans and San Antonio, TX (I’m 2 stops after NO). But they will provide me BUS ACCOMMODATIONS to get me to San Antonio so I can continue my journey there.

Wrong word, my dude. BUS??? I’m fucking triggered. I start bawling like an insane person. The girls who let me stay in the lobby at this point are probably like “oh shit we thought she was normal but she’s crazy.” I call my husband, I call my mom, I call a couple friends. I’m a fucking mess. I just want to go home at this point but I’m still a 12 hour drive away (with no car of course) and OH YEAH I haven’t fucking slept!

So first thing’s first - I ask the hotel for a room and they feel terrible for me (cuz i’m a crying sniveling mess) and give me a discount on a suite and let me check in right away. I call Amtrak and cancel my train, sobbing on the phone with them (and it’s a man so he’s very awkward about it) but they give me a FULL refund. I most likely won’t get refunded at all for the VRBO rental I got for Los Angeles though. I got to the room and booked a rental car for the next day from the airport that I was like right next to, and so the plan was to sleep there overnight and get a lyft to the airport and drive back towards home the next day. 

My husband offered to take off work and drive to meet me at an airport along the watly so I wouldn't have to drive the whole 12 hours with my terrible back.  I ended up getting a Malibu which was such a nice ride and it had a lumbar support in the seat and my back felt FUCKING GREAT. I met up with my husband at our planned location and we drove home. Between the time change, massive rain storms, and construction traffic, we didn't get home till 10:30 but I fucking made it home. (Because of course with all my bad luck I was terrified that I was going to die on the way home.)

BUT IM HOME SAFE IF NOT A LITTLE WORSE FOR WEAR (mentally and physically exhausted). I will make a post later today with my plans for my writing updates. I have a new WIP I want to share and I know some of you are waiting on my current series as well.

TY always for your love and support ✌️💖🫂

[nonexistent-introvert]

Opportunities (pt 2 of train ride)

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Synopsis: Joel started falling for you but it was too late.

content: moving on, finding someone new, angst, Joel losing his chances

A/N: Thanks @littleshadow17 for the idea, although I'm not sure if I did it justice. I seriously underestimated how much time I have been away, sorry it took so long!

Train ride 1

   Joel basked in the applause after his performance. His eyes scanned the crowd for a particular someone, for the person who had supported him since his very first performance. He felt himself pursing his lips together when the usual seat you usually sat at was empty, occupied by a group of friends instead. He tried his best to suppress the disappointment forming in his heart.

   He was packing his things up from the stage when a woman approached him. “Hi, I really like your performances and I was hoping you could grab a drink with me?” Joel looked at her, she was conventionally attractive, with long wavy hair with dimples that complimented her smile. Joel noticed the group of girls behind her, watching their interaction eagerly, giggling to themselves. He recognized her, she wasn’t lying about being a fan. She was in the crowd for the past few weeks now, enjoying the music he played. Joel noticed because she and her friends always occupied the seat that you once occupied. Joel smiled a polite smile. “I’m sorry, but I have somewhere to be. Thanks for your support.” He replied, swinging the guitar case over his shoulder and heading out. 

   It’s Valentine’s Day. Couples filled the streets, the bright red palette of colours occupied shop displays. Couples were huddled together under umbrellas, giggling and laughing among themselves.  Joel was in a daze, the soft music of romance songs playing in his ears as he watched the rain before him while waiting for the bus. An emptiness growing in his heart, maybe he should have accepted the invitation for a drink. It’s not like he had any plans after, but he still rejected the attractive woman, still lied that he had somewhere to be. It was instinctive but why did he behave that way? He didn’t know either.

  His thumb hovered over your chat. His last message is still marked with two grey ticks. His sentiments were delivered but not yet noticed. He sighed in disappointment. 

  You were the reason. 

  You were the one he wanted to spend Valentine day with. 

==============

   Paul wasn’t Joel. He wasn’t Joel in every aspect. Paul wore his heart on his sleeve while Joel was like a puzzle. Paul didn’t get annoyed when you playfully splashed rain water onto him, he even played along. It was easy being with Paul, he made conversation, jokes around and listens to you. Most importantly? Paul was head over heels for you. 

   “I’ll call you.” Paul promised, his dimpled smile showing.You smiled, nodding. His hands were still enveloped in yours, unwilling to let go. “Thank you for dinner. For today.” You thanked him. “I’m just glad you liked it. Happy Valentine day, thank you for not rejecting me.” He joked. You let out a chuckle, leaning in closer to press a kiss onto his cheek. Paul’s eyes widened, unable to believe what had just happened. His left hand left yours to gently touch the same spot on his cheek. He watched as your cheeks turned red. “You’re making it very hard to leave.” He muttered, hands still ghosting the spot your lips had touched. You shook your head at him, “Shoo, it’s getting late. By the time you get home I’ll be fast asleep and you can forget about calling me.” You gently pushed him away from your doorstep and closed the door on him. You continued watching Paul through the peak hole on your door. He grinned to himself, casting one last glance at your door before walking away with a bounce in his step. 

   “Dinner?” The first message was from Joel. You grimaced, you haven’t checked your phone since you met Paul for dinner. You frowned before typing out a simple apology. “Sorry, didnt check my phone.” You stared at the message, wondering if you should elaborate. Just a few months ago, you would have given up anything to spend some time with him yet now you half mindedly replied him while admiring the flowers that Paul had bought you. 

   It was ironic how you had met Paul because of Joel. 

================

    The warm spotlights danced softly on Joel’s tanned skin. His brown eyes shining exceptionally bright with the help of the light. Your eyes drank him in as though he’s going to fade from your view. In the soft timbre of his guitar, you could let yourself fall in love with him without reality reminding you of how he truly felt for you. 

   “Your boyfriend’s really talented.” 

   Your head turned at the voice of a stranger. Giving him a polite smile, you shook your head. “He’s not my boyfriend.” The man looked surprised to hear that, his eyebrows raised in question. “Oh? Sorry I just assumed because the both of you always leave together after and you look at him with such- intensity.” You cringed at his words, were you that obvious? The man shook his head, seemingly embarrassed at his own choice of words. “Shit, now I sound like a creep and a stalker which I swear im not!” He put up his hands in defence and you couldn’t help but laugh at the man’s antics. “I’m Paul and I work part time as a bartender there. You just happened to catch my eye every time.” Paul gestures to the small bar in the corner. You gave him a nod and introduced yourself, completely missing Paul’s attempt at flirting with you. 

   Conversation flowed easily between the both of you. Paul and you even shared many similar interests, brought up by Paul when he noticed the pins on your bag. Your heart soared at finding someone one who was as passionate about video games as you. Most people your age enjoyed more competitive games than the in depth story telling games you preferred. You were so indulged in the conversation that you completely forgot about Joel’s performance. 

  Joel let out an exhale. His eyes finally searching the crowd for a familiar face. The one that he knew exactly where to find. He couldn’t help the frown that formed on his lips when he realised that your eyes weren’t already on his. That you weren’t already smiling with pride while giving him encouraging nods and applauding for him. Your eyes were instead focused on the man sitting beside you, his grin so bright that he could spot it from a mile away. 

   “Oh, your boyfriend is coming to pick you up.” Paul teased, watching Joel walk down the stage, his eyes focused on you. You chuckled, rolling your eyes at him. “I told you, he’s not-” You didn’t finish your sentence, deciding to bury the hope with the whiskey that Paul had bought you while talking to you. Paul watched Joel, biting back a grin. Joel’s shoulders was tensed, an evident frown on his face. Despite what you said about Joel never seeing you that way, Paul would beg to differ. Paul hid his grin behind his hand, his fingers splayed across his mouth. He sat up straighter when you waved him goodbye and Joel waited patiently beside you. 

   “Since he’s not your boyfriend, you wouldn’t mind going on a date with me right?”

   You felt Joel tense from beside you. The alcohol in your veins giving you newfound confidence. “You have my number.” You replied, Paul laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to use it.” Paul glanced towards Joel who  clenched his jaw. Honestly, Joel looked intimidating but Paul was never one to back down from a challenge and he was always known as being an overachiever.   Paul watched as you followed behind Joel, newfound determination shining in his eyes. 

===============

   Joel’s eyes followed you in the crowd. It was like having a spotlight over you which made you stand out. He smiled knowingly as he watched you enter the cafe he was in, eager to pick up your coffee. Joel immediately stood up, holding onto your usual coffee order and approached you. 

   It would be a lie to say that you didn’t notice Joel approaching. Even if your feelings for him wasn’t as intense as a year ago, you knew he still had some sort of hold over you, considering he was the first person you loved so deeply for despite it being unrequited. You grimaced, knowing that the both of you had drifted a lot over the year. Without watching his performances and trying to get ahold of him everytime, your time spent with him was significantly lesser. It had pained you when you first realised. 

   “Hey.” Joel gave you his signature boyish smile. The smile that once made your heart pace. You nodded back at him, his voice sounded foreign, it’s been too long since the both of you spoke. “I..um- got you your usual order. If you’re down for a chat.” Joel shuffled, trying to shake off the nerves. “We haven’t talked for a long while.” Your eyes widened slightly at the offer. “Oh, um- Paul is waiting for our coffee order now.” You pointed to Paul who was standing near the counter. Joel stepped backwards, “oh. I guess I’ll just leave them.” He knew he sounded like a loser, he felt that way too. You immediately stopped Joel, taking the coffee from him. “Take a seat. Paul has something on soon, I’m sure he won’t mind.” Joel sat down, wiping his palms against his jeans. It really has been too long. 

   The usual silence fell again between the both of you. Joel played with his hands, he guessed that didn’t change. You rubbed your neck, you didn’t feel the need to fill the silence anymore, taking the time to ponder about your workload later. The roles have been reversed. 

   “Coffee for you. How else may I help you today ma’am?” The sound of Paul’s playful tone made you laugh. Paul quickly glanced at the coffee that you always ordered already on the table. “Oh, Joel! Hello. I don’t think we officially met.” Joel nodded, putting on a facade. Joel’s heart sank when he saw you choose Paul’s coffee over his, what was he expecting? Paul glanced at his watch, “I see you’re in good hands, I’ll leave the both of you.” Paul excused himself before giving you a peck on the cheek as he strode off. You knew Paul well enough to know that he left early on purpose. He knew about your feelings for Joel, “it was kinda obvious not gonna lie.” Paul had commented. The fact that Paul trusted you enough to leave you alone with Joel was enough to tell you how much he loved you. The encouraging smile he left with, silently egging you on. He knew there were some matters between Joel and you that were left unresolved. 

   Joel’s fists were clenched tightly as they rested on his lap. He was practically staring daggers at Paul when he kissed you. If he was childish enough, maybe he would even trip Paul over as he left. He only watched enviously as you looked at Paul like he was your world and vice versa. 

   “Are we going to talk or just sit in silence?” You started, resisting the urge to add on that most moments between the both of you were silence anyways. Joel cleared his throat, sitting up in his seat. “He keeping your bed warm?” You scoffed, is this really how he’s going to start? By insinuating that Paul was just a friend with benefits. “He’s much more than that.” You clarified quickly, drumming your fingers against the surface of the table softly. Joel wasn’t sure if the drumming was on purpose but the band over your ring finger caught his attention nonetheless. Joel swallowed, staring at it with contempt although he remained a poker face. His heart tightened with unbearable pressure. 

   “He proposed. I agreed.” You simply explained, following his gaze. “He treating you right?” Joel asked. “More than right. He’s going above. Always had to be an overachiever.” You chuckled lightly at how Paul always brushed off gestures as him overachieving. “I thought you said you hated overachievers?” Your eyes widened slightly, a passing remark that you doubted he would remember.  You claimed that overachievers were always perfectionists and wet blankets which was the complete opposite of you.  “Well- unlike charges attract I guess.” You shrugged. He sighed, staring off into the distance. “I never thought you’d be the type to date, much less get married,”  Joel remarked. You pressed your lips into a thin line, the times when you brushed everything he said off were over. 

   “What’s wrong with you?” You snapped. Joel’s eyes widened, his jaw agape. A look of confusion on his face. You shook your head in disappointment. “I don’t know what you want Joel. I’m getting married and you’re here making all these… pointless remarks.” Joel sucked in a breath, straightening his posture. “I want you back. I want to spend time with you.” He confessed. Joel watched as your shoulders sunk, a frown on your face. “More like the attention I gave you.” “You know that’s not true.” He hissed. You shook your head, laughing a little. “Really? All the time I tagged along behind you only to be treated like a shadow. It’s not like we have much in common anyways Joel.” You let out all the pent-up frustration inside of you. Joel didn’t have a right. Joel’s expression darkened, he looked away from you, as though just realizing the consequences of his actions. “Is there really nothing between us?” He questioned, his brown eyes looking into yours. The same eyes that made your heart flutter. You laughed and chuckled at him. It was all so ironic to you now. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say something along those lines.” You watched as some figment of hope glistened in his eyes. “But it's all in the past now. Paul is perfect.” It was cruel, seeing the hope in his eyes being extinguished, how his jaw tightened. It was cruel and yet, it was what he once put you through. 

    Joel shuffled his feet, his gaze on the floor. Finally realising that he had missed his chance and let you slip through his fingers. “Congrats then. For finding him. Just-” Joel looked up, biting his lip slightly. “Be happy, if he does you wrong, I’ll personally beat him up for ya.” You smiled, nodding slightly. “I hope you find someone soon too.” Joel merely shrugged. 

    “Is everything ok?” It was a message from Paul. 

    “It will be.” You replied as you left Joel behind in that cafe. 

   Joel continued staying in that cafe, letting himself reflect on everything that had happened. When enough time has passed, maybe he’ll finally find the will in himself to leave the cafe. However, for now, he’s stuck right where you had left him.  

[89words]

1. Looking across the tracks of the subway and seeing someone in the window of the opposite train, someone who is reading the perfect book and who wears that familiar combination of tired and hopeful on their delicate features. 2. Stirring your coffee in a small, quiet café where the music is just soft enough to remind you that it is playing every so often when you look up from your notebook. 3. Exchanging a few jokes with a charming stranger stuck in the same endless, bureaucratic line as you, reminding you that you are not alone in your battle with everyday tedium. 4. Sitting on the beach with old friends whom you are visiting for a few weeks in the summer, when the weather is just hot enough to permit you to stay out all night and enjoy one another’s company in a way you were always too busy to do. 5. Reading old chats and messages and letters with people you used to love, and remembering what it is about them that was so wonderful. 6. Looking at pictures where you are smiling in that unflattering way you almost never allow yourself to do, but you couldn’t help it because you were surrounded by people who made you just that happy. 7. Kissing outside at night when you’ve had just enough to drink that your cheeks are tingling and you are afraid that the words “I love you” might fall out of your mouth all by themselves. 8. Hearing someone tell you something that they’ve never told anyone before, because they never felt like anyone would really listen and actually understand. 9. Seeing someone be kind when they think that no one is looking, because they know it is simply the right thing to do. 10. Finding out that an old love is getting married to someone who is so much more right for them that you could have ever been, and realizing that you can love someone and not ever want them for yourself again. 11. Sitting at a restaurant by yourself and getting so deeply lost in your book that you forget you are even alone, and you feel as though you are on a date with the world’s most interesting person. 12. Telling someone that you’re happy for them, and watching their whole face light up with well-earned pride when they realize that you actually mean it. 13. Waiting at the bus stop and seeing the most perfect person in the most perfect outfit who is looking at the map with just as little understanding as you once did when you were new in the city. 14. Realizing that someone who is so very beautiful does not imagine themselves to be anything special. 15. Hearing someone say “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know” and knowing that you can ask them anything and they would do their best to follow through. 16. Visiting someone when they are sick and seeing the way their eyes light up at the soup and juice you brought them. 17. Sitting in the movie theater with someone and watching them laugh out of the corner of your eye when they think something is really, really funny. Watching their dimples and eye creases form and wishing they knew just how wonderful every little line on their face is. 18. Seeing someone at the gym who is having just as hard a time as you but is still going at it every day. 19. Reading something online that makes you cry, alone, at your computer, simply because it makes you feel — in a way you are rarely lucky enough to feel — that there are other people like you. 20. Running into an old friend at the store and letting it bleed into a long coffee where you talk about every subject that you didn’t even realize had been lying dormant inside of you for years, longing to be confirmed and expressed and understood. 21. Looking across the restaurant at the couple who is too happy to notice anyone around them, and realizing that sometimes we can get a contact high, a little burst of pure joy, just from seeing people who are that in love. 21 Places You Will Fall In Love by Chelsea Fagan

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

When I first watched Mock the Week nearly 4 years ago now, I remember thinking that even for a show where we accept that everyone's going to do some stock lines on the same few broadly accessible topics because it's mainstream light entertainment TV, the references to rail replacement bus services are a little out of hand. There was a stretch about ten years ago when the references were constant, and I thought surely they cannot be that big a part of life.

But I just got caught on a commute home with an announcement that this train is being stopped for repairs so please get off and take a replacement bus, and I take back everything I've ever thought about it. During my commute that's normally about 75 minutes but stretched to 2 hours through uncomfortable traffic today, I thought, everyone who was on Mock the Week in 2012 was absolutely right. Maybe about everything.

It was a shitty way to end a vaguely depressing day, I woke up late and grabbed a shirt without properly looking at it, so accidentally wore a shirt I don't wear often, because it was a gift from my ex-girlfriend and it makes me sad (even though I wore it all the time before we broke up, because it's really nice, because she has excellent taste). So I was vaguely sad when I got to work where it was all decorated for Valentine's Day and that didn't help. I listened on my break to the usual radio show, where I'm currently at the very very beginning of 2017, so it's largely taken up by John Robins discussing how he's just had a breakup and drank way too much during the painful bits leading up to and immediately after said breakup, so he's decided to do dry January to try to get better, and Elis made a joke about how February will be a big drinking month then, and he said no actually he kind of likes the idea that maybe the dry January will lead into just being less of an alcoholic in general and he'll keep it up, but then spends the next couple of episodes telling us that he keeps having harrowing dreams about drinking and then remembering his dry January promise and feeling horribly guilty about it, so it's nice to know I'm not the only person that's happened to. Less nice to know that I've read ahead to the February podcast descriptions and apparently he does start drinking heavily immediately after and continues this for about six more years, which is putting a bit of a damper on my using John Robins as inspiration to try to have my dry January turn into "be less of alcoholic overall", it's not going great (I mean, it wasn't going great anyway, I am not genuinely basing all my decisions off John Robins, I'm just saying I recognize his hope for extending dry January and how quickly that can seem like too big a goal).

Anyway, I decided that listening to John Robins talk about his then-very recent breakup on this day was too depressing (even though he's fairly justified in still being upset about that as he's at the beginning of the new year and it happened at the very end of the old year, while I'm at the beginning of a year thinking of a breakup that happened just over a year ago), so I decided to instead just put the Grace Petrie song on repeat for the rest of my break. You know, the one where every other breakup song that I listened to in the immediate aftermath was about the other person doing something wrong, and I said "Well this doesn't reflect my experience of a breakup", and then I thought of the one called Your Good Heart Is Wasted on Me and said "Ah yes, that is the thing I will listen to at this point in life."

Anyway, it's all right. I mean, it actually sort of kind of is. I'm not sad about it all the time anymore or anything, just a weird congruence of things today that made me temporarily sad about something that it's fairly normal to be sad about. It's almost nice to just had a normal day of being vaguely sad about a 14-month-old breakup and then angry about a rail replacement bus service, rather than, you know, mental health crisis. I'm having a rare day where I think broad light entertainment stand-up topics really do speak to my life.

Actually, I do have something tonight that sounds like it could be right out of a light entertainment stand-up story. It's the fact that I was planning to spend tonight at a comedy night I've not been to before, partly because I figured I'd only been to three of the many nights they run across the city and I should try some others, but if I'm honestly, mainly because it's produced by a woman who asked my brother if I was single like five months ago, and tonight she's also performing on the bill. That has to be a good place to go while being vaguely sad, right? But, like a Mock the Week panelist from 2012, I've had my plans derailed as the replacement bus service put me in a terrible mood and got me home later than planned so I'm not sure I'll bother now. I'll eat a sandwich and see how I feel.

...This has been an entirely unsolicited update on the very mundane aspects of my life. I really am doing sort of broadly fine at the moment, at least compared to a couple of weeks ago. But I would really like to drink some whiskey.

[autisticlee]

ah. do you ever realize life/the universe loves pulling crazy pranks on you.

when I was a kid, the only birthday party I remember having, where I was old enough to remember I guess, I was 4 or 5 and some extended family came over. I didnt have friends so it was just a few cousins and grandparents and whatnot. I was sick like I was every winter (and the entire time I was in school tbh) so I just wanted to sleep. I slept through my whole bday party and woke up to everyone gone.

I tried to have a bday party when I was somewhere around 10-12 (can't remember what year now) and invited classmates and people I considered friends. my parents prepared my party and made cake and food and we decorated and everything. hours passed and no one showed up. I called and none of them were home. turns out the "friends" skipped my party and hung out together and I got made fun of for that.

so for my 30th bday, I wanted to do something. I had one friend from another country come visit and found an anime con for us to travel to. we needed to split the cost with others and I don't really have other friends so she invited her friends. only 2 were able to go, but the whole thing went from being my bday party to more of my friend getting to gang out with her friends, so it wasnt even really for my bday for anyone else. just me.

in the end, I got sick the day after my friend got here. I am still sick over a month later. the worst of it was while we were at the con, which was my birthday weekend where I pretend i'm having a big bday party with a few friends. but nothing went to plan. I didn't even get to go to the con. I stayed sick at the hotel coughing until I threw up every day all day. things not going to plan led to everyone getting mad at me and arguing with me because I had to cancel one of our other plans because I was too sick and by that point i had infected everyone else. that led to 3 people being at my house and my family throwing a fit because they only approved of one so I was sick and getting screamed at for the week they were there until they finally went home, and even screamed at after, because I could not convince anyone to do what I asked them to do (like take a bus home tomorrow, not 5 days from now) and what my parents screamed at me to make them do (taking thr bus home tomorrow, not wait 5 days to take the train instead). I dont even remember most of the first 3 weeks my friend was here and didn't get to enjoy it because we were both too sick. and etc. everything went wrong, but that's not the point of this post. i'm getting off topic.

anyway, the universe and life played a cruel joke on me by taking my childhood memories of failed bdays and making this one big bday plan I had (probably the last time i'd try to make bday plans ever since they always failed all these years) and I had the attention taken off my bday and put on my friend because her friends wanted to see her while she visited me, I didn't yet to spend as much time with her as I had wanted to because everyone else wanted to and took up at least 2 of those weeks, AND I got so sick I basically missed my party (the con I planned to go to specifically as a bday party for myself) and don't remember 3 of the 4 weeks my friend visited as a bday gift basically.

there was no warning or preventing getting sick. I wasn't around anyone sick. I hadn't left my house besides to go to work, where I work alone, for at least a month. it hit suddenly without warning. I actually at first thought it was just my allergy to super glue I was using the night before. it's like a telephoned back to 4 or 5 year old me being so sick I slept through my last ever childhood bday party. I never had another one after that except that one where no one showed up. the universe has truly cursed my birthday. i'm not allowed to celebrate it, apparently.

[blueberry-beanie]

The Academic | 27th February 2023

Part 1: The Journey

No better way to celebrate making it through the first semester at my new university than attending a The Academic gig. And while I’m already at it, let’s cross half of the country and make multiple stops to squeeze as much use out of my train tickets, as possible.

Sure, why not! My alarm clock woke me at precisely 4:55 am and I had surprisingly little difficulty to get ready and go out into the freezing night to catch the 6 o’clock train. But one stop later, things already started going sideways - the ancient train to Leipzig had decided that operating the doors would be too much on this fair morning and so I had to continue my journey with one hour delay.

I made a stop at my home village to visit my grandmother and bring some flowers before continuing to my former university town, which I miss very dearly. As soon as I stepped out of the train on this sunny day, it felt like homecoming. I quickly caught a bus to say hi to my former riding school. I had packed a few apples and bananas for the horses, so I could at least stroke their curious noses while they were inspecting my pockets for more delicious treats.

I took the next bus back into town and decided to drop by the local chocolate manufactury to get some very fancy chocolate to treat the band with. I had a feeling that I would meet them and did not want to arrive empty-handed. Unfortunately my old flat mate had to work, so I just got a little greeting card and threw it into the mail box. Time to grab a few more snacks and run to the next bus.

Everything was planned to the second, because my flatmate somehow timed his arrival to say hi to me at the train station and bring me to my train, which was really sweet of him. And then I was off to Hamburg, in the S-Bahn to Altona and already in the hostel. A quick stop to get rid of my backpack and freshen up - and I was already on my way to the venue.

Part 2: The Concert

By now it was already past 6pm and I got really nervous because I am rarely so late for a gig. I may be forgiven because of the insane schedule, but what if there was already a big queue? But quite the opposite was the case: There was nobody at all in front of the club. 

I became concerned to be at the wrong entrance, so I aked a guy who exited the door and he confirmed that I was in the right place, just 20 minutes before the doors open. Later a nice couple joined and people were starting to arrive very slowly. Even at 7pm there were no more than ten people outside, although the gig was sold out.

Suddenly, Matt, Stephen and Dean materialised out of nowhere in front of us. Nobody seemed to notice, except me, who perplexedly greeted them with a “Hi”. They said hi as well and knocked on the entrance door. People finally realised it was the band, but nobody else tried to talk to them. I joked that the door was closed for everyone today. A few minutes earlier some members of staff had been struggling to get in. But they were let in eventually and Dean said “Bye, see you later!”

The doors were opened a bit too late that day, but that was alright - the queue was still really tiny. I got a cool spot at the corner of the stage, in the middle, a bit to the left. I thought that would be a great spot to see Craig and Matt and take photos without the microphone being in my way. But first the venue had to fill up, which took really long. Even as the support band was playing, there were still people coming in.

The support act consisted of six guys with many many instruments who played very energetic dance music and needed a long time to get all their gear off the stage again. And then it was finally time for The Academic to begin.

They started out with Pushing Up Daisies, the first song from their new Record Sitting Pretty. I really like how the band sounds. Very clear and rocky, with a lot of character. Somehow I was surprised how much I enjoyed them.

To provide a bit of a background, I am actually not a die-hard fan: My friend discovered the band back when they didn’t even have an album and proceeded to introduce me to them. I have attended two gigs long ago in 2017 and 2018, first of which was actually the band being only the support act.

This time, my friends couldn’t attend, but I felt like keeping up the tradition still. Their album had only just come out and I had done my homework, so I recognised all the songs and could sing along a fair bit. It was very fun to dance and sing and the audience was actually quite good. Three girls behind me were very engaged and excited and people knew the older songs quite well.

I was a bit taken aback by how close the band was. Sometimes I feared Matt would hit me with his guitar (although he was of course very careful). It is just not usual to be less than 50 cm away from the band. Craig, who already looked like he had just come from the swimming pool a few songs into the gig, asked us if we are in the “splash zone” and apologised profusely.

Craig is a very funny front man. He reminds me a bit of Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly in Back to the Future, when he was playing his guitar in front of the audience. He has a lot of humour and throws many funny movements into the mix while performing. He was in a great voice, and so was Matt, who sang the backing vocals.

Matt arrived onstage in a funny shirt with a star pattern that fit his colourful guitar straps with lightning bolts really well. Looking back at my photos, I probably confused him as the main character, because took so many gorgeous shots of him. At first I really hesitated to make use of my camera. I didn’t want to take pictures at first because everyone was so close and it seemed kind of weird.

I needed to remind myself that I wanted to have really cool photos to remember the gig by and it is ok to take a few shots. As I had to give back the camera from last year, I rented a completely different one this time and somehow managed to constantly change the shutter speed during the show, which sadly resulted in quite a lot of blurry pics. 

The setlist was very cool. I didn’t quite know the songs from their EPs Acting My Age and Community Spirit, because I had not caught up with them, but they were great nevertheless. Their live interpretation of the new songs was frankly brilliant. Buying Smokes, What’s Wrong With Me and Step My Way stood out as really wonderful live songs.

The band “closed” their set with Different, during which everyone started jumping around and singing like crazy. “This is the part where we do the encore and go away and then come back again”, Craig told us. Instead they scrapped the going away part and just continued with three more songs, Right Where You Left Me, Girlfriends and Bear Claws.

Part 3: Mary and the Boys

Then, it was sadly already over, the band bowed, and Craig carefully put his guitar and plectrum on the floor right in front of me. I thought, well, now or never, and pocketed the little plec.

Lara, the nice girl to my right side, got a setlist and let me take a picture of it as well. We talked a little bit and I advised her to stay and get the setlist signed by the entire band. While everyone was trying to get the band’s attention, I decided to sit on a sofa next to the merch stand. People bought t-shirts and hoodies and CDs for signing. I was watching them and decided to get a CD as well later, after most people had already gone.

Somehow I managed to start a conversation with the friendly woman who was selling the merch. It turns out her name is Mary and she is in fact not just working for the band ever since they started, but is actually their manager. So while everybody was talking to the band members, I just had a nice chat with Mary.

When she learned I had travelled for more than six hours to get here, she was very impressed and probably thought I am some sort of super fan although I tried to tell her I am not. I told her the story about how I got into the band and somehow the topic shifted to our professions, where she told me that she was the manager. I talked about starting to work for the university radio station soon and she immediately offered me to contact her if I ever wanted to do an interview or anything like that.

My brain needed some time to catch up with that. Mary was extremely nice and she urged me to quickly go and talk to the band and that they had to know I’m here and they need to sign the CD and also get the chocolate I brought for them. I did’t know what was going on, to be honest, as suddenly she literally called the band to come over.

In a matter of minutes I had gotten my CD signed by everybody, gave out the chocolate (and explained why it was a special kind) to Dean, got a hug from Dean as a thank you and got a picture with the band. I told them the story of how I got to know them, and Craig replied to give my friends some greetings. I said that they can also greet them themselves, because I could record a message. They immediately obliged and now I have a video of the four boys cheerfully saying hi to my best friends.

Then they wished me on my way and I was totally perplexed by the entire situation. I couldn’t go without saying bye to Mary and thanking her. When I eventually stepped out of the venue I still barely understood what had just happened. What a way to end the evening! Not only was the gig itself really amazing, but what happened after was actually nothing short of all fangirls’ wildest dreams coming true. And I hadn’t even tried...

So thank you very much, Craig, Dean, Matt, Stephen and Mary for the extraordinary experience - I will remember this concert for a long time and hope to say hi again very soon.

[eversncenewyork]

saturday night, the scary one

i want to write an open apology letter to everyone in the bar who watched me dance with the devil

okay his name was Ben, he’s 29, and head to toe tattooed and very hot and looking for something serious. but to be honest he was dumb as bricks. he told me he drank some tattoo ink that day. i had to say “were you at least dared to?”

he didn’t give a single fuck about anything i thought or said. he wanted me to be a pretty little acquiescent thing he could fuck and show off. he liked how we contrasted—the word “innocent” was used. here i’m getting an image from later in the night—he’s holding my face in both hands, stroking my eyebrows and my cheeks, and calling me a pretty little gem. he smells like cigarettes and i can feel the eyes of the other people in the bar.

i told him i didn’t like pda and yet everyone saw me get my neck kissed, get my hands held, get my body pulled on top of his, get my face stroked.

GET HIS FINGER UP MY NOSE.

he stuck his fucking finger up my nose

when i said “why have you done that” he said, verbatim, “to see how far you’d let me go. that was a full covid test”

i said “pinky swear you won’t ever do that to me again”

he said “i can’t do that. it’s like tickling, it’s more fun when they hate it”

i said “so you won’t respect my bodily autonomy?” i watered this down with a teasing, joking tone.

he said “oh cmon it’s not like that”

and i said “yes it is. this is a first date, and these are things i need to check for as a woman. i need to know that when i tell you no about something, you’ll listen.” i’m proud of that

he changed the subject.

i told him i can’t smoke cigarettes even once bc i know i’ll get addicted, and he yanked my head toward his lit one. he laughed and said he’d get me addicted to heroin (i don’t think he even does heroin)

a disembodied quote that could not be a reasonable punchline to any joke: “i want you to be absolutely terrified of me”

he has at least 7 girls names tattooed on him, 6 of which are all S names. he told me he was going to get mine tomorrow.

i took his hands, “i beg of you. do not get my name tattooed tomorrow”

he said “okay not tomorrow”

i said “at least wait a really, really long time to get my name tattooed”

he said “i’ll wait a week and a half” and pinky sweared on that. i knew i wouldn’t know him by then.

i’m so glad i didn’t get any drunker bc i think i would’ve let him fuck me and i think i would’ve been harmed.

he offered to walk me to the train but he was the scariest thing i would’ve encountered in the night.

a guy was behind me for a couple blocks though and i was so scared that when he finally passed me without incident my knees were buckling. i don’t really get scared at night—obvs i’m aware i should be and i keep my wits about me, but of my girl friends i’m the least cautious. but i cried on the bus after that.

i missed tunchi, and i missed T. i wished that if i has called T saying i was scared, he would’ve let me come over not to be a good person and a good man, but because it was /me./

i texted ben the next day and told him that even though he would defend himself and say it was all jokes, his behavior made me feel unsafe. i wished him luck finding the connection he wanted and that i hoped he would respect her boundaries more than he respected mine.

he read it and didn’t respond, which was my favorite possible outcome

but it was interesting to have 2 very physically affectionate dates right in a row and have one feel so fun and comfortable, and the other like being in a vice grip

[callinglifehello]

it started here

I've never used tumblr before. This is my first time and it may be my last. Only time will tell. I don't know anything about tumblr. What it is, what you do or how it works. But i have heard about it in various forms of media.

And sometimes i need a space where i can share everything from the fucked up place i call my brain. Everytime i start to think about my life i say a tired "nope" and immediately put on a dumb youtube video to quiet my thoughts.

I'm gonna tell you a bit about myself . Not that it matters but just to give you soem context before you read my posts.

I've pulled the short stick in life because i am a teenage girl living in the middle of fucking nowhere. Being a teenage girl is shitty itself, that's just a fact. I would deem these years the worst and best ones in my life. Those two condradicting statements are what makes it really shitty.

My life is beautiful. I have a strong and healthy body and can still eat a lot of junkfood without being fat. I know that won't be the case when i'm older because of genetics.

I don't have to pay for housing, food or electricity. I don't have a house to clean, a dog to walk or any social events in need of attending. Other than school.

But when you see all of this, a carefree life full of opportunities and so much more to discover and combine this with anxiety, laziness, a phone addiction, problems with anger and several undiagnosed disorders, you know what a joke life has played on me. All the time but never the energy.

So i stay inside, hoping that someday i'll have the energy to throw away my computer and start life as a productive and strong person. Even though i know that that day will never come.

I said before that i live in the middle of nowhere. And when i say this i don't mean the classical "i'm a sad teenager living in a small town in idiana with only a mall, a cinema, a church and a waterpark *gasp!*"

I mean that my closest neighbour west lives 1 mile/1,5km away. The nearets bus stop is 2 miles/3km away, along with the nearest grocery store and theres about 50 people living in my village.

I think a lot of people either invision that i live in africa (which i don't) or that i live in the middle of the us, surrounded by desert and mountains (which i also don't).

I live north above the equator (very north) and experience four seasons and snow. I live somewhere predominantly christian and i am going to get confirmed next summer, even though i don't believe in god.

My parents used to be super strict, and still are in some ways. But in a lot of ways they're chill. They let me have sleepovers and tries to stay out of our way during them. They drive my sister to parties they know people are going to drink at because they also know my sister is a nerd and a sportsfreak that would never drink because it could interfere with her training and she's responsible.

My parents regularly try to get me out of the house, to get me to exercise or do anything healthy. But i always manage to escape their tries.

I have five close friends. One is from my old school. It had seven different grades but there were only 50-60 students because that school was also in the middle of nowhere. My friend from there, let's call her Emma, and i only became friends in 5th grade. This was strange considering that we had been in the same school since she was six and been in the same daycare attached to the school since i was two.

She's a year younger than me which means we weren't in the same class. This shouldn't have been a problem since the grades are so small the school often combine two or three into one big class. But fate would have it, it took several years before our grades got pushed together. And after a couple of weeks we got put together for a group project and i hung out at her house that day.

I graduated from that school 1,5 years ago and now we only hang out once in a while, maybe every three months. I like being with her and she likes being with me, yet i never snap her or ask to hang out. I get scared and it feels like a daunting task. And later i hate myself for not asking her because she's my best friend.

I don't think we're best friends actually. Because of two reasons. 1. Because we're no longer in the same school so now she hangs out more with her other friends 2. We've never really been "best friends". We were each others best friends for two years, but we never really had that energy that normal best friends have. We were always just each others best option.

I have three other friends from my new school. Lets call them Alice, Nellie and Mia. Almost everyone in my class didn't know anyone when they started. Only a few people recognized each other from their old schools but no one really knew anyone else. Among the girls no one knew each other. At first i hung out with two other girls, but only for a while. It felt like i was always too much with them. Everytime i got excited they would stare, comment about it and i would hate myself. So when i talked with alice a few weeks in and we connected i started hanging out with her. She, Nellie and Mia had been hanging out since the first week so we became a group.

We love having sleepovers, studying at cafés and doing secret holidays, Secret holidays are like secret santa but for different holidays. It started christmas last year and now we do secret valentine, secret halloween, secret friendsgiving and of course, secret santa. I tried suggesting a secret holiday for every month but they quickly shut that down since it would drain us of any money we ever managed to save.

This was just an introduction, but i hope i may share my shitty thoughts with you in the future.

Until then, what now?