#not brave enough to say it on main but it's literally true

[mikotobackbreaker]

If you're an Milgram fan who's an adult (and Milgram is a series aimed ar adults so) and you don't know that Amane is VERY LIKELY written as a programmed DID system, or that such a thing even exists (let alone is common is high-control cults), well congrats on your blissful ignorance; now get to reading xoxo

[artist-issues]

Disney doesn't need to change "the formula." That's the last thing that Wish proves.

What Wish proves is that "the formula" only works when you know why the ingredients are in it, and you use them the correct way.

The Princess Character is meant to wish for only half of the movie's message, and go through an adventure that teaches her what the other half is; what her dream was missing. Ariel dreamed of understanding but she was missing love. Tiana dreamed of achieving her goals but she was missing faith. Jasmine dreamed of freedom but she was missing trust. Belle dreamed of adventure but she was missing being understood.

The Villain is meant to highlight the opposite of the movie's message. Jafar gets what he wants through trickery and manipulation; that's the opposite of Aladdin's "truth will set you free" message, and he gets imprisoned in a lamp. Scar thinks being a King is having his way all the time and can't learn from his past of living in Mufasa's shadow; that's the opposite of The Lion King's "Let the past remind you of your responsibility to selflessness." Gaston loves only himself and is always obsessed with appearances; that's the opposite of Beauty & the Beast's "true love is found within a heart of self-sacrifice." That's what makes them such good villains. (and that clear direction is what drives good villain songs, since Magnifico's is what everyone is talking about)

The sidekick is supposed to compare/contrast with the main character's qualities. Abu is a greedy thief, which is what everyone in Agrabah thinks Aladdin is; when he scolds Abu and teaches him selflessness, it shows us who Aladdin actually is. Flounder is easily frightened and looks at the glass half-full; when Ariel coaxes him and leads by example, we see her bravery and positivity reflected in Flounder's tiny character arc. Timon & Pumbaa do whatever they want all day just like young Simba always dreamed of; when Simba goes to live with them, he finds that "getting his way all the time" makes him forget who he really is and feel empty.

The setting is supposed to show off the characters and highlight the movie's message. Rapunzel's tower is designed to be pretty on the inside because of her influence; if it were too dark and prison-shaped, we'd wonder why she didn't work up the courage to leave sooner. Just like how Quasimodo has made his corner of the bell-tower beautiful, too; they're taught the world is cruel and they're not strong enough for it, but they make their own worlds beautiful enough to hint that that's wrong right from the start. Ariel's grotto is shaped like a tower with no roof so that she only has one window to the forbidden Surface, and it's the light that comes from that forbidden world into her dark grotto which literally makes her able to see human things differently. Tiana's apartment has no interesting features except her father's picture, a perfectly made bed, a drawer with no extra outfits but stuffed with tip money, and only two dresses; both of which are for work.

None of that is happening in Wish, because they didn't know why the formula ingredients are there. Disney needs to understand and return to the formula the right way; forgetting it was what got them here.

Asha learns nothing to add to her dream, unless you count "the power to grant wishes is in me." Which you shouldn't, because we didn't even know she was confused about that until the animals sang a song that was completely off-topic and she had the chance to jump in and sing "I'm a Star!"

Magnifico does not demonstrate the opposite of Wish's message effectively because his character has nothing to do with a philosophy against making wishes, and everything to do with power. (He is the strongest character in the film. But because the message and core concept of what wishes are are so bad, that's not saying much.)

Valentino, and Asha's friends, do not highlight anything about her character through compare/contrast. Valentino is brave and all over the place. Her friends are seven-dwarfs parodies. Happy, Doc, Sneezy, Dopey, Bashful, Sleepy, Grumpy. None of that contrasts with Asha's vague characterization of "cares too much." None of it compares to that characterization, either.

The setting is empty. There are no interesting details that teach you something about any of the characters. None in Asha's home, none in the neat-and-tidy one-dimensional forest, none in the Rosas square, and none in the bland, empty castle. Magnifico's study is the closest anything gets; there's a loose concept that all of Asha's friends have to work together to open the roof, and take a leap of faith to weigh the pulley system down. Unfortunately, none of these characters is shown struggling to work together, OR to take leaps of faith, at all, before this point.

The ingredients of the formula are in Wish. They're just not being used correctly. This is how not to use the formula; it's not the formulas fault. If it ain't broke. They should never have let people convince them to try and fix it.

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

I have thoughts about the clip and especially about Fang and generally all of the scene so yeah, an analysis-like tangent full of spoilers below cut

Out of the entire crew, I think Fang and Frenchie (especially Fang) are literally the best people to recieve comfort from. It's double true for Izzy.

Not only do they have like. The least invasive and violent trauma out of the crew, but they're both very empathetic and want to help others in distress. Even when that person isn't a particular ray of sunshine... like Izzy.

It also makes sense for Fang to be the main comforter. He knows Izzy. He's known him for a long while. And he's known Blackbeard for a long while too.

Watching him from the beginning of the clip, he seems to be the first one to notice Izzy's not feeling great. Far before the others do!

This is the first we directly see Fang in the clip and yeah he looks surprised that they're throwing loot overboard - as you should be but... even more than that he looks ALARMED. He knows something's up.

After listening to Izzy for a few seconds he is completely sure something's up. He checks in with Frenchie to know if he's seeing it too. We don't know where Frenchie is looking, but I'd assume he reciprocates the look.

Izzy stops mid-sentence. That's not like him. The others will have noticed it too now. Sure enough, here's Jim, thoroughly confused and/or taken aback at least.

Fang protection mode ACTIVATE! His first thought is to ask how Izzy's doing (i am so soft for them oh my god-) and to touch him - reassure him. Ground him.

we then get a "I'm fine, unhand me" which Fang does, to give Izzy some space and checks in again with a "you really don't seem fine". He waits for Izzy's response. He wants to make SURE Izzy's okay, or rather, is patiently waiting for him to admit that he's not.

The others join in saying that they've noticed. They've noticed how destructive his relationship with Ed is. I can't even imagine what's running through Izzy's mind at this moment. Probably like a waterfall of emotion - shame and anger and sadness and everything is too much - he's soon to break. He's trying so hard to hold it back, but he can't. He can't, when the truth is being thrown directly at his face by his own crewmates.

Frenchie comments "he's cut off at least two more of your toes hasn't he?" and Izzy almost flinches at that sentence. He quivers. That's his breaking point. And I. have to stop a bit to look at the implications of this. Form this scene at least, I understood taht when Izzy fails to make the crew follow orders, he gets physically punished. As we heard earlier: "It is your job to f-" *he stops, he shakes slightly* he's thinking about the consequences of them not following his orders - more of his toes cut off. That's horrifying. I'd start crying too, jesus...

Fang knows it's his breaking point and goes back to comfort him - even forcing it a bit on him, because he knows Izzy will struggle, but needs it. God, does he need it. He's always pushing people away, but Fang won't let him this time. He won't let himself be pushed away, because he cares. And he wants to show Izzy that he cares. So he persists.

And after only a few seconds of a very feeble struggle, Izzy accepts it. He's been strong for so long. He's been brave and hurting and isolated and repressed for so. So long. And he needs to let go. And he does. He whimpers. He sounds like a puppy who's been kicked. And he is. He is a puppy. A puppy that's been severely hurt and doesn't WANT to be hurt anymore. (god, i am weak at the knees, someone call the ambulace, i think i'm dying)

Frenchie steps in as secondary comfort to show that Izzy's really not alone in this and that none of them actually hate him. Even if he thinks he deserves it. Not even Stede's former crew hate him. That's what Frenchie represents here - to me. Fang and frenchie together show him that love isn't meant to hurt so much. It's not meant to be like this. And they also ground him in that moment. Izzy looks at Frenchie several times as he whimpers, perhaps checking in - seeing if Frenchie leaves after seeing him weak. But he doesn't. He stayes and he waits for Izzy to be okay and I think that means the world to Izzy. It means the world to me too. Izzy deserves all the comfort by this point.

Also I want to throw Edward overboard.

11/10 i need Izzy to have more hugs

[kataraslove]

katara isn't sutble at all in her interest in aang i think zutaras have their blinders on if they can't see how much she was into him. its why i find that fandom so frusterating i've never seen a pairing that was so obvious and yet they act like it was one sided.. when katara was all into him since ep 1 to wanting to run off with him when he got banished. if that dont scream girl is gonna fall in love with main character i dont know what does.

in order to understand katara’s feelings for aang, you need to understand katara’s character at a fundamental level. unfortunately, many, many people in the fandom do not and refuse to understand. for an example, a common misconception is that katara crushed on jet because he was the tall, good-looking “bad boy” archetype. while she did have an instant infatuation for jet because he was tall and good-looking, he was also brave, charming, and heroic and a natural leader to her - all components that katara’s described about aang throughout the series.

“You’ve been training for this since the day we met. I've seen your progress. You're smart, brave, and strong enough.” Katara in Nightmares and Daydreams.

the depths of katara’s love for aang can be seen in the ways that she speaks about him:

“Aang is the bravest person I know!” (The Storm)

“Please don’t go, Aang. The world can’t afford to lose you to the Fire Nation. Neither can I.” (The Winter Solstice Part 2)

in the ways that she’s fiercely protective over him:

in the ways that she’s physically affectionate with him:

in the ways that she gets immensely happy when he acknowledges her power or calls her heroic:

in the ways that she cries when they’re apart:

and in the ways that she cries when they’re reunited:

or when he tells her how much she means to him:

I mean, after they get through a really emotionally charged moment, or overcome danger or death, just look at the way she looks at him. look at the way she hugs him.

only in the atla fandom will someone look you straight in the eye and say that character A kissing character B (after the characters literally had an implied cave kiss) on the cheek before they’re separated isn’t meant to be romantic, but rather maternal.

and okay, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt: it’s true that katara’s feelings were intended to be “ambiguous” up until the climax so that we don’t get any canon verbal confirmation that she was in love with aang. i am critical of that. but nothing in the narrative suggests that katara ever viewed aang as a brother or worse, as a son. katara herself does not admit to that when aang brings it up in the ember island players episode, even when she had time to state that she did view him as a brother or, at the very least, did not see him as a love interest.

if you believe that the ambiguity of katara’s feelings for aang is far too much for you to ship them, that’s fine by me. but at the same time I’ve seen people say that katara had feelings for haru just from one blush. or feelings for zuko from their conversation wherein they bonded over their mother’s deaths in crossroads of destiny. if the hug at the end of the southern raiders can be read as romantic by these same people, why not the many hugs, cheek kisses, face touches, and emotional reactions katara feels towards aang? i do have to believe that the reason why it’s so hard to view these as romantic for people is because aang does not look the part of the stereotypical romantic lead, ie he’s bald, younger than katara, and shorter than her.

[its-tea-time-darling]

things i did NOT like about shadow and bone (netflix):

the darkling looks Old. he's supposed to look the same age as all the other main protagonists. this highlights alina's future of staying the same & young where everyone around her dies. it also blurs the line between good and evil more bc 'oh he's the older bad guy' is just such an easy solve. also while ben barnes is a snack imo the darkling was supposed to have a more alluring, youthful magnetism.

making genya's scars barely a few scratches. she's supposed to objectively have lost her former self perfected beauty!!! this is a thing!!! she doesn't just have some deep scars, she's supposed to look hideous at first sight, where is show adaptation teams' courage to show characters that are supposed to be mutilated as just that???? i promise audiences can survive on literally everyone else on the cast being very stereotypically pretty/handsome 🙄🙄🙄🙄

changing wesper's storyline so that they had a one night stand before canon sets in??? what kind of bullshit is that??? fucking robbing me of the "just girls?" -"not just girls" gay ANgST will they won't they, does jesper like him too, will they ever - BAM. KISS. !!!!!!! succession??? making wylan cute and awkward does NOT compensate their book storyline At All what were those show writers thinking??? 😭😭

this one i will forgive but i still rly liked it in the books so im a tad sad they didn't manage to include it: that alina has a time where she thinks she is morozova's second daughter's descendant. in many respects she has learned she is Special, and the shame she feels when she realizes this isn't another one of these cases, this isn't a way to finally show her A Path, that in this respect she is ordinary and mal is tied to fate that way, that's just such a good touch.

malina going seperate ways. what happened to "they had an ordinary life full of ordinary things--if love can ever be called that."????? "choice is true north" my ASS 😤😤😤😤 malina have always been in love and will always be in love idc abt the firebird amplifier thing that was just sth they had to do they've always been people and they've always loved each other there is no way around it

things i DID like about shadow and bone (netflix)

david and genya. specifically the delivery of the lines "I … I don’t understand half of what goes on around me. I don’t get jokes or sunsets or poetry, but I know metal. Beauty was your armor. Fragile stuff, all show. But what’s inside you? That’s steel. It’s brave and unbreakable. And it doesn’t need fixing. You don't need fixing."

genya telling the queen how she poisoned the king, and genya spitting at nikolai how his apologies are of no use and that he needs to prove a better king. generally just genya. 💞

nikolai sending his mother away + what he says to her.

all the malina flashbacks to the meadow <33

malina last night together 😳😳 they love each other sm!!!!!

the scene at morozova's home. baghra sharing her past, all the reveals happening there, and of course the darkling weeping over his mother's body. "know that i loved you. know that it wasn't enough." like OkAY.

sankta neyar's speech. so deeply touching, and doesn't just apply to immortals but to all of us who have been hurt and suffered loss before.

the darkling begging alina to let him be her monster. A+ delivery.

"How will you have me? Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch? I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all." generally the entirety of kanej in this show. inej's hallucination. the mirroring to the last scene. breathtaking showstopping flawless.

little rabbit.

[riansdiary]

how do I enter the void state tonight pls I rlly need help I rlly want to live my dream life everytime I start affirming for void I either fall asleep or just don’t end up entering so I give up

Hi! 👋

Okay so I'm warning you right now that I'm not an expert in void state and I don't know everything about it. I would suggest going to @salemlunaa because she's more well-versed in the void state. Personally, I haven't tried it yet because I know that I'm already a powerful manifestor and I get everything I want without the void state. Since many of you have been asking, I might give it a try this week! I'm gonna command my subconscious to get into it tonight or just know that I can easily get into the void state.

This time instead of giving up, try to assume that when you wake up, you successfully got into the void state no matter what you see. The void state is literally inside of you. You should be able to access it anytime. Don't put it on a pedestal and obsess over it. Get into the most comfortable position and then maybe try another void technique. If not then I want you to calmly affirm and tell yourself that it's easy for you to get into the void state. Don't force any affirmations or feelings. What's the basics of loa? You have it now as soon as you want it. You won't lose anything by accepting the fact that you're already living your dream life. Think of the 3d as past and you know the future. Remember this, calmly know that you have your dream life now. There's nothing to lose if you actually do that. If you have it in your mind, you have it now regardless of what the 3d is showing.

Just have the inner knowing that you have it now. You don't need to pretend in the 3d, try to be nonchalant and treat anything that says otherwise as a hater who's lying and saying that you don't have it. Be okay with the 3d, it's gonna follow you anyway. Cry if you feel like you need to but know that you have the last laugh because that's temporary. Do what makes you happy, that's important while you observe the 3d. Do something that will make you feel good like a good movie or show. Watch content that you love and makes you smile. I recommend watching Disney, Barbie and Ghibli movies! It will help to detach and distract yourself when dealing with the 3d. Be the main character who can't be beaten no matter what the villains do.

Be brave enough to observe the 3d and still confidently know that you have it now. Again, you don't have to do a thing. Feel how you would feel if you have your dream life now. Trust that you have it now. If you have your dream life now, would you do techniques? Don't do anything to get, imagine there's a girl who's finding her glasses in school and she was wearing them all this time. You don't have to get anything, you just have to accept that you have it now no matter what you see. Know you're wearing your glasses even if you don't see them. It's that feeling, you know you're wearing your necklace even if you don't see it all the time right?

Just try it for a week. Everyone says you have it now. Try accepting you have your dream life now and there's nothing left to do but continue to gently and calmly remind yourself without forcing anything that you have it now. Take a deep breath when you say it in your mind. Take your time and slowly do it to remind yourself.

Be confident and self-assured knowing that you have it now regardless of whatever the outside world is showing. You don't need to visualize at all. Just accept and internalize that if you know you have it now in your mind, it's true. You already have all your desires.

[misscammiedawn]

Bit (2019) - Queer Reclamation of Stolen Youth

CW: Blood

Bit is a 2019 movie written and directed by Brad Michael Elmore and starring transgender actress Nicole Maines. The story follows a young transgender woman named Laurel visiting her brother in California and being recruited to join a women's only gang of queer vampires.

A group that is ruled strictly by a rigid rule set.

The very first scene makes this clear, introducing the leader of the gang, "full blown fucking dyke" Duke, as she kills a freshly turned male vampire and sentences one of her gang's members to a year in "the hole" for attempting to add a boy to their ranks.

They must all adhere to their 3 rules of operation. The final and most important being:

"No fucking boys." That is to say no boys are allowed to be included in their group... but the literal read is also true. Lesbians only.

The story begins in earnest with the introduction of a main character having just graduated high school in a rural town and about to travel down to spend the summer in LA with her older brother.

During her first scene at a graduation party a drunk classmate approaches her to tell her how brave she is and she retreats to spend a moment with Andy, her sole friend, who implies an attraction to her brother and admonishes her for abandoning him, saying that she is never going to return and that when she finds her people she will likely forget about him.

The movie knows it is queer media for a queer audience. For how much the entire movie is about LGBT themes it often is kind enough to leave things implied. Andy is Laurel's gay best friend in high school and the two of them rely on one another as the only source of queer community in their environment. Andy sees Laurel escaping as abandonment because he knows all too well that she will get a taste of the progressive lifestyle in LA and will never return to their pacific northwest town to go back to masking and hiding. He knows their friendship is over, even if Laurel doesn't yet.

All too often it happens. People never expect it at first but when someone finds their community, their people it becomes impossible to remain in the ponds and pools they were once in. T4T relationships work so effortlessly because there's an entire rich inner language that we have from common experiences that are so difficult to translate to cis friends and yet are inherently understood by others who have lived it. It's not just safety in community it is understanding.

All of this is communicated through vibes. All Andy directly says is "you're going to meet interesting people and you're going to forget about me" and his homosexuality is revealed through a flirtatious comment about Laurel's brother.

Laurel's gender identity itself is only addressed through implications (like hiding her larynx with a shoelace choker that gets mentioned in dialogue a few times) or roundabout statements. The word "trans" is never uttered once in the film.

"Men can't handle power. They have it already and look at what they've done with it." "What about me. [I'm transgender]" "Never even crossed my mind."

"I just wanna say-- what you've done [coming out as transgender] is just so cool."

"People aren't going to be patronizing [about me being transgender], are they?" "People aren't like that here. As much."

"I never stood in the way of you becoming who you are [transgender] but it turns out who you are is a selfish bitch."

I have watched this movie with people who did not realize that either Laurel or her actress Nicole Maines were transgender. I cannot understand how they couldn't see it but they couldn't.

On her first night in LA she goes out to a club to see a rock concert. The movie shows Laurel is defensive, getting violent with someone who invades her personal space and she spots someone (a vampire hunter who suspects her of being in the coven) starring her down. The movie is putting us in the mindspace of a young transgender woman in a new space unable to detect threats. She feels like she is being clocked and targeted by everyone around her.

It's not until one of the vampire gang approaches her that she is able to lighten up. In dialogue they imply recognizing her as queer with "you're not from around here, I can just tell" style dialogue. Laurel is quick to allow herself to be taken away to the vampire's hideout where she gets to be with her people for the first time.

To avoid this being one of those "I just sum up the movie with no analysis" posts I'll trust that those who are intrigued will watch the film and get to the point.

Laurel is fed upon by one of the lesbian vampires and before the kill can happen Duke, the leader, stops it and allows Laurel to complete the transformation into a vampire because she "reminds me of someone I used to know"

She is referring to herself.

A time when she, a 15 year old lesbian, ran away from her midwest home to NYC to find queer community. She notes that even homeless and performing sex work opposed to her preferences, she was happier because she was living free and as herself. She learned how to thrive.

Duke sees in Laurel the same thing she herself lived in the 1970s, directly tying the socio-political landscape of gay youth of the time with trans youth of the modern era. Watching over their shoulder, fearing being targeted, unable to exist comfortably without the safety and understanding of community.

She says it very directly in her pitch to Laurel while inviting her to join the "V-Club"

"We're politically, socially and mythologically fucked. Our roles are secondary. Our body's suspect, alien, other. We're made to be monstrous so let's be monsters. [...] What we offer is not the chance to join a group but to truly be an individual."

The issue of course is, when Duke tells her backstory, she suffered and gained her identity through pain and hardship. She fought to survive and eventually learned how to thrive and then... against her wishes, against her consent... she was slammed back into the closet.

A powerful vampire, Vlad, singled her out and circumvented her agency and made her one of his brides. For decades Duke was stuck living a heteronormative life, having accessed her truth and her community and then been kept away from it.

"It was like I was trapped in my own body. I was aware of who I was, who I used to be, but I could do nothing about it."

After managing to escape from this life Duke seals Vlad's heart and begins to consume it bit by bit.

There is 100% a valid reading of this movie where Duke is a repressed transmasc lesbian. She fears consuming all of Vlad's heart because she fears it will make her "like him" but she is addicted to the power and agency that she feels from consuming him. We later learn that she has been doing to her gang what Vlad did to her.

Duke is terrified of becoming a man and rejects those aspects of herself while continually indulging them. Moralizing on how evil the version of masculinity she perceives in the world is while engaging in those acts herself.

Someone with better media literacy than I would be able to do a fuller read of that.

But the read I focus on is this one:

Duke's youth was stolen from her as she was forced to live a closeted life of abuse by a domineering man and she projects her wishes for those stolen years into how she lives and how she views others. She directly controls the minds of her gang in order to maintain a safe life buffered by stolen power and lashing out at men who remind her in any way of her abuser.

In robbing her group of their agency and pushing them to agree with her, the pain and hatred that she feels becomes that of the entire group. Their sympathies to men are overruled and the space remains closed off and combative. Insular.

She wishes to continue living the highs of her first taste of agency in her life while robbing those around her of theirs. Through fear and a certainty of being right she has effectively become the very thing she despises.

Meanwhile, Laurel, finally living with her community, abandons her roots and neglects the portions of her life that do not relate to her new community which causes her gay best friend to attempt suicide (I do not condone the movie's attempt to make Laurel responsible for this, mind, we have severe issues with any attempt to frame suicide attempts as the responsibility of anyone but the person attempting) and directly nearly kills her brother.

The movie is very much about the vulnerability of solitary queer individuals and the power and comfort that we gain from banding together and finding community but also about how we must not emulate the abusive power structures that we escape from in our quest to find safety in our identities.

It's important that Duke is a hypocrite. The three rules are:

Never glamour another vampire.

Always kill what you eat.

No fucking boys

It's no coincidence that the first rule is not to glamour another vampire. It's how Vlad controlled Duke for decades. She should never wish that fate on anyone else and yet she is so terrified of losing that which she has earned but also because she was terrified of others losing that which they had earned "I did it to make it easier to help you." she says. Her insecurities are projected onto the group and become their dogma.

Duke isn't wrong for her hatred or her fear. She is wrong for not trusting her allies, she's wrong for forcing her beliefs, she is wrong for being the sole arbiter of who is an acceptable member of their community and who is not.

The movie ends with Laurel noting that she pictures a world where everyone is a vampire because then they could all figure their shit out. That people who have power tend to jealousy guard it for themselves but power can and should be shared.

The final scene involves the new vampire group collectively taking portions of Vlad's heart and consuming his power.

Single points of failure are rampant within any community. When a single figure is held up as the entire basis of a group then removing them or discrediting them will always destroy the safety of the space. This is true in every community but it's heartbreaking when it's true in queer spaces.

One person should never be calling all the shots, making their biases become collective prejudice or their traumas become the realities of all within the safety. We all have stories. We all have truths. We all have realities which we need to share and receive acknowledgement and comfort for.

Vulnerable groups should band together and insular thinking will destroy us if we let it.

-

The movie isn't the best by anyone's standards.

But damn if the movie isn't a rare piece of queer media that isn't made for a cis audience. I'll always hype up something like that and make sure it reaches more eyes.

[lilacerull0]

RE: CHASE: YOU GET IT!!!!!!!!! (i'm allowed to use multiple colons in one sentence english isnt real). i think actually that everyone else on the team is a scientist and then a doctor and chase is a doctor, if that makes sense

I think this is true even when you extend "everyone else" to Cuddy and Wilson because one part of Cuddy lives vicariously through House and Wilson isn't a scientist about oncology, I think he is also strictly a doctor in that regard, but he is a scientist when it comes to people in the same way that Cameron is. Terrible at relationships, but in tune with humanity as a whole. We are supposed to perceive Cameron and Wilson as the main caregivers, but I think Chase is more sensitive than either of them precisely because he doesn't waste energy caring about every single person that exists as though he was obligated to do that. When he cares he genuinely cares about the individual and when he doesn't, he doesn't really need to? As long as he's helping the patient, why would he need to be emotionally attached? Also with Cameron and Wilson I think they enjoy the security of knowing that their time with the patient is limited so they don't have to worry about getting bored of them or committing to anyone... Cameron married a man she knew was dying and Wilson loses most of his patients which isn't the point, the point is that he expects to lose them. Chase is the only one brave enough to dedicate himself to someone. (Kind of ironic considering how everybody views him as a manwhore??? The key to understanding House M.D. is literally the show's motto: EVERYBODY LIES!!!!! Even when they belive they're telling the truth. The character analysis is more telling of the person coming up with it than the person they're analysing. You can’t take anything at face value and that's soooo realistic to me.) Oh and it's significant that only Cameron and Foreman were busy writing articles and fighting about them. I think Chase even says that Cameron has always been more interested in diagnostics than he is in one episode.

[giantalleyrat]

Chat, am I a rat?

Just a few minutes ago, I was drinking water from a pitcher until I suddenly had a random thought about what I would be as an animal. I've seen many people refer to themselves as a cat, a dog, or a wolf, and sometimes I'm guilty of doing the same.

But within those few seconds, I settled on a conclusion that I am a rat or I'd probably be one if I were an animal. When I came to accept this random title I placed above my head in only a matter of seconds, I had a general or vague idea of why it would come to be. I guess this post is a way for me to reflect on the feeling and articulate my previous thoughts...?

Why would you say that?

Well, I don't know, really. Maybe it's the way I live, or more specifically- survive. Whenever I'm in a situation where I feel rejected, unwanted, afraid, or even threatened, I scurry to the safest place and hide there no matter how long I starve or suffer, not wanting to face the dangers outside of my haven.

But not all rats do that, some rats can be brave!

I guess that's true, but all rats are scavengers, they live on garbage and leftovers. I'm not saying I eat shit and garbage, I'm not saying that I only eat literal leftovers either. But, when I meet someone, I immediately take the opportunity to befriend them, even if I'm only getting a semblance of what someone else would call the best person in the entire world.

For most of my life, I've only ever been known as a floater friend, whether online or offline (until recently :3). As that kind of friend, I can testify that I only receive the energy that someone else has left for me after pouring it onto someone else who isn't me.

Aside from desperately scavenging for attention from other people who'd pick anyone else but me in a room of people, here are things about rats that I relate to:

Referred to as vermins/rodents

Has been useful to mankind for being used in experiments and studies

Curious & Social to some extent

Opportunity takers

Rats are nothing more than vermin.

To people, they amount to nothing more than an inconvenience to have under their roof, a symbol of filth and an unkept environment. Ask random people what a rat is and I guarantee that several will mention the word "Vermin".

Though rats do provide benefits to us, and to other animals in the wild, and yet they're characterized and ultimately defined as a dirty organism that's ideally killed.

Am I an inconvenience? I believe so. I never believe that what I'm doing is enough, but I don't have any artistic talents or the ability to actually learn any new skills, so, to prove my worth and the value of my time to others, I take more work than I want to. Am I dirty? Not literally, but I'm mentally tainted. If people were to find out the disgusting thoughts I have in mind, I'd be no less disgusting than a rat is.

Have you been used for an experiment?

Obviously not a literal one where I'm stuck in a lab to have my brain studied and my organs tested, but I have been used for others to experiment on the kind of people they want to spend their time on, I've been used as a base for people to form their standards and expectations for people they'd want to call their friend.

Constantly left in the dirt when I ask for friendly affection when my purpose in their life has been fulfilled, I know they push me away but I try my best to stay because I'd have nothing to take from if I stay away. Doesn't that sound familiar? If a rat were to stray from a house or a nearby trashcan, they'll lose their main source of livelihood until they safely secure a new one.

Curious and social? What do you mean?

Like all animals, rats are intelligent. But being social and curious is a part of a rat's biology. Rats have the desperation and drive to survive, but curiosity also plays a role in how they'll fend for themselves in the future and how they'll find their food in the present.

I'm very curious, being curious is what urges me to socialize and interact with others. I'm curious as to how something can benefit me, I'm curious as to how someone can help me in or out of a situation, I'm curious as to how someone functions. To feed my curiosity, I socialize, I ask questions, I speak for myself, and so on.

Socializing with humankind and their own are important for rats to live, there are rats that are kept as pets and they interact with their owner to ensure a good relationship.

We all do that, I do that, but I do it desperately, like a rat would. I'll even run from a problem just like a rat would.

How can a rat be an opportunity taker?

They're naturally opportunistic eaters, they'll eat anything they find, they'll do anything they can to survive. And that can be associated with humans in so many different ways and levels, and even though I'm a weirdo, I'm definitely no exception.

I take whatever opportunity I can to rise above others, even if it means only receiving temporary pleasure from what I've done. I take an opportunity in front of me if it means I'll be okay, it doesn't matter what'll happen later, as long as I solve my problem right now.

Rats would venture out to streets, alleys, and houses to secure their next meal and to find shelter even if it means putting themselves in danger in the long-term.

That's it, thanks for reading.

P.S. I'm very sorry if this is terribly written, I usually prefer yapping IRL with my mouth, so...

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Another Crossover No One Asked For [AKA RotBTD]

What is up, everybody! My gals, nonbinary pals, and all other flavors in between! So~ as per usual, my brain cooked up yet another AU that is nowhere near as thought out in comparison to say, the Mystery Kids verse

In its rearing stead is Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons, one of the crossovers I consider to be the OG's. (And yes I know I said AU but shhh)

Honestly, I love the little skrunklies so have the most randomly-spewed nonsense about the crossover~

Background Lore

To start, I always see an alternate version of canon- at least in the case of Hiccup and Rapunzel where they chose to run away; with the case of Hiccup, he bonded with Toothless as usual and then prior to the match with the Monstrous Nightmare, he takes off and leaves- not feeling confident enough. (this might change, but bear with me here for now lol)

Rapunzel however, was with Flynn already but due to sudden circumstances- they were separated and it leads to Rapunzel leaving. I know she technically wouldn't do this but again, this is the first thing that came to my mind; mostly this post is just for me to ramble and then flesh it out later when the time comes.

In the case of Merida, however, my plan is that she didn't run away and did complete her canon but something happened, and she ended up... stranded. There is no reasoning to this either

Now, with our boy Jack Frost, my plan for him is that his canon will play out differently- but this will come into play later!

Something to keep in mind is this is in a completely alternate 'canon', but the point I'm trying to make: they can easily be influenced if they aren't careful, and this is important

Following Hiccup running away, he inadvertently runs into Jack who he can see- mostly due to plot-convenienced lore, since not only are there literal dragons but Hiccup is a Norse Viking and is likely to believe in spirits (which Jack Frost technically is); I like to believe both of them would hit it off, as would Rapunzel to Merida

Eventually all four meet and things start becoming a little more... concrete; Jack ends up introducing them to the Guardians, and this is where things begin to get a little... chaotic to say the least

Main Lore

Sometime during this is when the first shift in the storyline hits; in other words, I want to use Pitch Black as a possible antagonist and use this as a central arc (but this could change; again this is literally just me wanting to spew ideas out and hope something clicks)

Pitch is of course, causing his usual amount of trouble and well, it does catch the attention of the Main Four... (but then things start hitting the fan)

As a result of his shenanigans- things start getting snuffed out, somehow his power has gotten stronger; thus it's now proving a threat and if matters couldn't possibly be any worse: the Guardians (the OG four) can't figure out a way to stop it

which of course, leaves our main four to handle the situation

i do want there to be a reason to reference the villains of the respective films, whether they are going to be there as supporting antagonists to Pitch is entirely up in the air right now

Main Four + Thoughts

~ (potential spoilers/unconfirmed): the main four likely will be made into guardians during the first part of the series

~ I do want there to be symbolism across the four of them, and is going to be a prominent theme as the story progresses. Honestly for right now, that could be based on the four seasons (but it could easily be something else)

~ this is going to dive into characters acting on impulses of fear. With Pitch as one of the overarching villains, this is going to be a highly important plot element-

~ not all of the members are going to get along right off the bat- there's going to be tension, especially as no one knows what's happening but they will become allies; just give it time lol

~ i honestly do not want there to be a 'true' leader, as they're meant to work as a team and anything less than that will hinder them in the end

~ magic is going to be a prominent theme!!

~ Jack is the oldest out of everyone- I think this goes without saying, but honestly the ages of the main four goes in this order (oldest to youngest): Jack, Rapunzel Merida, and Hiccup. Part of the point is them still being young-

~ i am not going to be playing nice with these characters. the whole first arc of the series is going to be an emotional rollercoaster filled with sharp turns; with Pitch as a primary main, if that is the route I go on, there is going to be a lot of focus on fear and the lengths people are willing to go- among other themes. this is not for the faint of heart the entire time

~ i do hope this project can kick off and make a sort of trailer for it, but we'll see how that plays out-

Headcanons and Under-the-Cut Information

Concepts of magic are ridiculously important as part of the series. Elemental magic for instance- but for now, I will leave this vague, but it is going to be there. The only exception as of right now is Jack Frost, and not because there isn't a correlation to an element- it just simply is fairly obvious that he does have ice powers and will likely be connected to water coughs-

As mentioned before, this is likely going to end in the main four being guardians; however, what they'll represent will be left in the air and I'd hate to ruin the fun so soon!

While the OG guardians are going to be there, they're not as important- the main four will have to go through trials alone, there is something they have to face. what they've been avoiding this entire time

I did take some elements from old trailers I watched when I first joined the crossover, but also- all of the main four have different attributes that let them work better as a team; I'm only going to use Hiccup as reference here because this post is getting incredibly long but- he's a natural leader (and he also is an inventor)- he has a display of selfless attitude and this can easily be countered by Jack's more aloof personality though even then, our wintery child does have some growth he needs to (he's so traumatized- but he also is a protector of children, we'll save the character analysis for another day though)

I do not plan to have Rapunzel be with any of the others- romantically, at least; I can however, see her and Hiccup being good friends, they both have a shared artistic side and I want to explore this more

Jack and Merida would honestly clash so much at first- but warm up to each other later in the storyline

(Author's Ramble;

Jack and Pitch are excellent foils to each other- there's a lot I want to do with their dynamic, and how inherently Pitch is just as much needed as the Guardians are

In regard to how important the other villains of each respective fandom will be- honestly, it would be like this - most important to least: Mother Gothel, Mor' Du (?) - is that how you spell it? - and the Red Death

These characters are young and will be making tough decisions at times; they will not be perfect, they're going to make mistakes. Most of them are literal teenagers in their OG canon

I want to hopefully use my skills as an editor to make a trailer- we'll see how this pans out, but this is where I end my ramble)

Once I have a proper storyline set, I'll come back with a more coherent post

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x08 thoughts

The main things:

I’ve lost track of the timeline here a bit, but Ramona mentions to Nadia that it’s been ‘a hard few days’, which I’m assuming means the few days including/after the wake? Normally it would take at least a few days (often several) just to arrange for cremation, and I would have thought that the FBI situation would have also delayed that, but maybe Jorge and Ramona were able to pull some strings and speed it up? Or maybe Russo pushed it all through quickly because the FBI wanted to see if his Velorio would lead to any new information/suspects? Who knows. On the day of the wake Jeremy refers to the chase as happening ‘the other day’ which makes it sound like less than a week had passed since the car chase/Arman’s death. Also given the fact that Ramona and Jorge only go to the apartment for the first time in this ep, it can’t be more than a couple of days since the Velorio/the reveal of Dante’s involvement. So based off all that, I’m gonna go with the assumption that it’s been about a week (or even slightly less) since Arman’s death, meaning the entire season has covered about 2 weeks thus far.

Well, I definitely feel validated as hell by the reveals in this ep lol. Dying Ramona? Called it in ep 5, though tbh it still surprises me a little that the writers would go with a plotline like that, after everything that happened with Adan. But I guess they needed a reason for Ramona to decide not to kill Thony after she no longer has Arman’s protection, and this is just the most straightforward way to do it. Not to mention it will probably mean that Ramona dies off by the end of the season, getting her out of the way like all the previous villains haha. (Please kill her, Thony. Do it for Arman, and for me). But of course, even more satisfying was getting the long-awaited confirmation about FBI Agent Jeremy– though given that I called that one literally the moment he showed his face in 3x03, his big reveal at the end with Russo wasn’t so much an ‘omg I was right!!’ moment but more of a ‘yeah duh guys we already knew he was a Fed’ haha

Thony’s dream where she is Sin Cara…. Please please pleaaase let this be foreshadowing haha. Like seriously c’mon writers, make my Mob Queen Thony dream come true! And that visual was also just really cool, with Thony stripping away layer after layer of masks only to find herself underneath… like all her efforts to find Arman, and to find who was responsible for taking him, peeling back all the layers until she finds herself?? Damn. I think that’s part of why she’s so determined to go after Ramona, because she needs to focus on Ramona’s role in his death so she won’t be torn apart by her own guilt (because lbr, she knows that if he’d never met her, none of this would have happened and he’d almost certainly still be alive). But honestly, while she did play a part in the events that led to his death, it was Ramona proceeding with the kidnapping plan and Jeremy involving his FBI buddies that were the true causes of Arman’s death. But anyway ugh, Thony’s teary eyes and damp collar when she wakes from that nightmare… her getting up for water then immediately trading her water for a beer… her almost crying as she tells Fi that her hallucination of Arman in the apartment felt so real… her saying that she can’t let his death go… help it’s raining on my face

Honestly, it was fair enough for Fi to go to Russo. Thony keeps making all these promises that nothing else is going to happen to their family, but let’s be real here (and I say this with love lol), Thony’s promises don’t mean shit haha. She truly means them when she says them, but she’s just up against far too much to be able to handle it all on her own. It was so brave of Fi to go to Russo, especially given her deportation situation, and I love that Russo is basically like ‘thanks for meeting with me. what info have you got? btw nice job sneaking back into the country’ lol. Fi’s shocked response is hilarious– I mean c’mon Fi, did you really think that that topic wasn’t gonna come up??? But ugh Russo’s ‘if you help me maybe I can help you’ offer sounds a lot like the one Nadia got, only for Russo to then screw her over… don’t trust her Fi! Loved Fi’s “I’m not a victim” though. Hell yeah sister. Reminds me of how Thony also started off as a victim (witnessing Theo’s murder and being forced into the criminal underworld to survive) but found her own power and used her new environment and connections to her advantage. Things have gotten a little rocky again though with the loss of Arman and his support, and I think Fi calling Thony out on her precarious situation was really important (“If you really wanna keep us safe, stop making things worse”) because she does need that reality check… bc while every single thing Thony does is always with the aim of fixing things, her actions do often unintentionally end up having the opposite effect, and she needs to face that and figure her shit out now that she doesn’t have Arman or Garrett to clean up her messes. Anyway, sigh, so much for my hopes of Fi deciding to go rogue with Thony though haha… I guess she just made an exception for the day of the Velorio for Thony’s sake and now she’s back to her old ‘hanging out with criminals is a bad idea’ self lol

Okay sooo… do we actually believe Ramona when she says she didn’t know about the kidnapping at the start, and that Dante took Arman for using their routes, not knowing who he actually was? Because I find that very hard to believe haha. Especially given that Thony came to Sin Cara literally like the day after Arman was taken, and would have told them exactly how and where he was abducted… and so Ramona should have immediately put it together then that the man Dante abducted was Arman. But according to Ramona, she found out ‘too late’ (too late for what? Even if she didn’t find out the truth until right before the exchange, she could have called it off, but didn’t), and so I’m calling bullshit on that haha. She’s still just covering her ass, telling another lie to cover up the much worse truth, which is that she planned this from the beginning to bring Arman back into the family while also scoring a bunch of cash. I do find it really clever how we started the season thinking Ramona was going to be the villain, and then we met her and learned she was Arman’s family and that she was gonna help Thony, which had us thinking we’d been wrong and she wasn’t a villain after all, and now we’ve circled back to her being the villain again lol

Huh, I did not expect Nadia to be staying at the Sin Cara Casita, but I can see how being at home alone with all the memories of Arman would have just been too hard. She has no-one now, and Ramona was so welcoming and kind and acted like she was family, so I guess she thought that maybe this was her path forward and she could belong with them… only for Ramona to betray her in the worst way. I hope that this leads Nadia to realise that Thony was right all along, and Thony is the only one she can really trust. It was nice to see her go back to La Habana, back to her old self again. Though omg that staff member (Charmaine?) asking her what they’re celebrating… like maybe don’t ask that of a person who just lost their husband??? Lol. But daaamn Russo showing up and arresting her… I appreciate that Russo didn’t seem to take any satisfaction in the arrest (I think she does actually feel for Nadia and her situation, especially after having also recently lost someone she loved) but she’s clearly angling to get Nadia to turn on whoever she’s working with. Which is why it seems like a terrible idea for both Ramona and Jorge to come visit her in lockup? Her scene with Ramona was so good though ugh, like she was looking at Ramona and seeing what her future could be if she doesn’t make changes and start letting people in. Which, like I said, will hopefully begin with Thony! And maybe Jorge too, since Ramona betrayed him as well (multiple times now!) and because he genuinely did love Arman too. Though ngl, him asking for 50mil to help her is a bit sketchy haha.. But maybe she wouldn’t have trusted him otherwise, if it seemed like there was nothing in this partnership for him? Making it a business transaction is more like something she can understand.

Tbh that’s actually something that’s been really cool about this season: the way the partnerships and alliances have been steadily shifting and changing between these four central characters as the show progresses– first there was Thony and Nadia as a team, plus Ramona and Jorge. Then there was Thony and Jorge, plus Ramona and Nadia. Now it might be becoming Jorge and Nadia, plus Ramona and Thony. Though Jorge likely expects his new team-up with Nadia to include Thony as well, given the trust that they’ve formed (which would also help bridge the divide between Thony and Nadia again, which would be nice). And that scenario certainly could still happen, with the three of them forming a plan together to manage Ramona– but it’s also possible that the alliance that Thony offers Ramona in the gallery scene may damage her own connection with Jorge and Nadia, as they might see it as her selling out both Arman and them to save herself.  But what Jorge and Nadia don’t know is that Thony is on a mission to make Ramona pay, and is following Jeremy’s advice: find your enemy’s weakness, and exploit it. 

Honestly, Thony’s visit to Ramona in the gallery was so badass; the way she spoke to Ramona reminded me of what she was like when they had the motel manager guy tied up in the bathtub and were pretending to threaten him with organ harvesting. Back then, it was Arman who gave her that confidence, and it was the same now in a way; this time, it’s her love for him and her desire to honour his memory that helps her be bold enough to face Ramona, and she does it wearing the dress that she last wore on a night when Arman made a huge personal sacrifice for her and took an innocent life to protect hers. At this stage, I expect her plan is to make herself essential to Ramona as her doctor, either to earn enough gratitude from healing her that Ramona spares her and her family, or to gather enough incriminating info about Ramona that she can take to Russo to make a deal (though I have trouble seeing her doing that given Jorge’s warnings, and her not wanting to betray him). From the trailer for next week it does look like she’s going to be trying hard to fix whatever is killing Ramona… but tbh what I really wanna see is for Thony to go real dark and not just use her new position of power over Ramona to ensure her own safety, but to actually use that power to end Ramona’s life. Like imagine if Ramona agrees to what she thinks is a treatment from Thony, only for Thony to give her something that will kill her instead??? Or maybe a situation arises where Thony is genuinely trying to fix her, but then something goes wrong and Ramona starts to crash, and Thony realises that if she just lets it happen, Ramona will die and no one would know that Thony could have stopped it. Like damn that would be absolutely ice cold on Thony’s part, but could be a fascinating step in her character development, especially as she moves further away from that ‘victim’ that she was at the start of the series, and closer to being the person who controls the power. Not to mention how I’ve talked before about how central it is to Thony’s character that she always has to save the person in front of her who asks for her help, even when it endangers herself or those she cares about… and so it would be a significant moment for her to actively choose not to help that person. But anyhow seriously, if I get my wish and she does kill Ramona, she better not get any hate for it, not when Arman and Jorge have both killed many people, and even Nadia has murdered someone. Thony has been through so much shit that honestly she’s earned the right to kill the person (or rather, people– take out Jeremy next, girl!) responsible for the death of the man she loved, and not to get demonised for it when other characters wouldn’t. (Basically what I’m saying is she deserves a little cold-blooded murder, as a treat lol)

Pro tip: when the building you’re in is filling with a deadly gas, fixing a barely-bleeding scalp laceration is not a priority!! Like sure it was fun to watch Thony McGyvering a solution to close the wound, but omg if that situation was real, a doctor like her would have never bothered with the stupid lac, because of a little thing called TRIAGE, aka dealing with the most life-threatening problem first! And like I said, the deadly gas is just a little higher on the priority list!! But hey, if they both died of chloride gas poisoning, at least he would have died with a nicely closed wound on his head lol. Sigh. But ngl I very much did enjoy that her solution to save their lives was to blow up the building that they were currently inside of lol. But again, triage– the likelihood of dying from the explosion was less than the likelihood of dying from the gas if they did nothing, so she makes the tough call and takes the lesser of two evils. I really do love the moments when we get to see her resourcefulness, intelligence, and bravery all at once, and Jeremy better be goddamn grateful to her for saving his ass lol. Although it doesn’t really seem like it, because the moment they get outside he uses her distraction and distress to pump her for information, and then basically tells her to go even deeper in the cartel? (Which, granted, is exactly what I also want her to do, but he’s endangering her for his own gain and that’s fucking shitty.) At least when Garrett forced her into being a CI, he was clear about what she was getting into, and made sure to support her and check in with her. Jeremy is just shoving her deeper into the lion’s den and waiting to see who walks out alive, and I can’t wait for the moment when this dark new Thony emerges and tears him to pieces.

Other stuff:

The tunnel/hallway thing that Thony walks down in her dream is the same one Jorge took her along to meet Sin Cara for the first time in 3x01… but she was blindfolded then and never actually saw it. Spooky. Also I’m pretty sure they used that same tunnel for the scene of Fi and Chris’ underground border crossing in 3x03, just with different lights lol

Violeta is such a precious little thing omg, and I appreciate the depth that she adds to Jorge with his Soft Dad Mode. Like seriously, them snuggling by the fire? Her waking and saying something with that tiny, sleepy, adorable voice, and him soothing her back to sleep? Help it’s too sweet ugh. And look I’m not gonna lie, I’m absolutely picturing how cute it would be if it was some future moment with Thony sitting across from him instead of Ramona, and with Luca asleep with his head in her lap because he and Violeta are both totally tired out after a really fun playdate. I’m not even saying it’s a romantic moment or anything, just two single parents sharing a really sweet moment of friendship and bonding over their kids, and ugh it would be nice if Thony got to have that someday. 

Lol Chris and Jaz were totally grade-A sibling material in this ep. As a youngest sister with two big brothers, all the teasing about his crush felt very relatable haha. And it was nice to see a return of the playful embarrassing mum side of Fi too. All of them just having normal innocent fun together was so sweet ugh, I want more of that

Super convenient that the door to the sketchy apartment was just open lol. What was Thony’s plan otherwise?? Break it down?? Honestly with the state she’s been in since Arman’s death, I wouldn’t put it past her. It’s a shame that the threat of Ramona meant she had to pretty much race straight out of there, though, because I think it might have been good for her if she’d had a chance to just go and be there, to sit in the chair he’d sat in and look at the surroundings that he’d spent his last days in, and just actually acknowledge her grief for a while��

Jorge blindly pointing the gun in the direction of his sister while he demands answers from Thony in the apartment… dude where’s your basic firearm safety?? Don’t point guns at people unless you’re fine with them getting shot!

Ugh when Thony asks Fi if she was the one who tipped off the FBI to the location of the exchange… the utter panic in her eyes, not only because of the danger that that act would put them in from Ramona, but also at the thought that if Fi had been the one to give the tip, she would have been as responsible for Arman’s death as Ramona is… and how would Thony have lived with that? How could she still live and work with her, still look at her every day knowing that the man she loved was dead because of Fi’s actions? Honestly thank god that none of us had to find out.

Poor Camila needs rescuing! And so Fi turns to Thony to fix it, which means continuing her involvement with the cartel, aka the opposite of what Fi asked  her to do just hours ago… I wonder if this situation will make Fi see that Thony existing in that criminal world and having some power within the cartel actually has more benefits than she realised, and that not everything is so black and white when it comes to keeping their family safe…

Okay I desperately wanna see more of the FBI’s case board lol… so funny that the FBI’s understanding of Thony went from ‘she’s a cleaning lady for the Barsamians’ to ‘she’s somehow personally connected to Arman Morales’ to ‘she’s business partners with Arman in importing medications from Mexico, and also maybe his romantic partner as well??’ to ‘she got tied up with Kamdar and supposedly accidentally imported Fentanyl from the Philippines’ to ‘she’s the key to finding Arman’ to ‘she somehow got her sister and nephew back into the country illegally’ to ‘she’s the key to taking down the Sin Cara cartel’.... Like honestly I’m a little worried about what happens once she’s no longer useful to the Feds… given everything that’s happened, I find it hard to see how she’s going to escape the FBI’s clutches this time? And most importantly, with them watching her so closely, how am I gonna get the Mob Queen Thony that I want so badly haha? But I guess the next few eps will answer that…

[eurydicees]

Ok so I know like. Pretty much nothing about Pacific Rim, BUT I’m curious about your au!! So any little information about them I’ll gobble it up haha

i’m SOOOOOO excited to introduce you more to pacific rim!!!!! this movie is so crazy and literally it didn’t have to go this hard but i’m obsessed w it. everything under the cut, starting w basic background you should know before reading: 

(1) aliens (“kaiju”) are coming from portal in the ocean (2) giant robots called jaegers are fighting the aliens, and jaegers have to be piloted by two people (3) these two people have to be “drift compatible” aka they have to be essentially compatible enough to mind meld (“drift”) 

and then the rest of the deal from the movie is gonna be explained in the fic!!!! but also you should watch the movie. its on hulu and also you can google watch pacific rim free and stuff will probably come up. 

anyways so about the fic. here’s the deal. the breakdown. the timeline. the situation, if you will. 

oikawa and iwaizumi sign up to fight. oikawa and iwaizumi successfully drift together and being piloting a jaeger. 

while in the drift, oikawa realizes iwaizumi is in love with him. oikawa is actively convincing himself that he does not love iwaizumi back for two reasons: he does not want to be queer and he does not want to love someone so at risk of dying all the time. 

daichi and his sister, michiko, are new pilots around the same time as iwaizumi and oikawa are starting out. they all go out on a mission together to fight a kajiu and the fight happens etc etc etc, but michiko dies. daichi is so sad, obviously. 

daichi leaves the war effort and goes home. oikawa has mixed to negative feelings about this. also i think kurodai is happening accidentally. i didn’t intend to do this but then i was writing kuroo and he’s just kinda like that. but i digress. 

oikawa and iwaizumi are Not Doing Well. oikawa’s whole arc is coming to terms with being in love with his best friend but also being brave enough to take a chance on someone who he might lose. i haven’t figured out iwaizumi’s deal yet but it’ll happen. 

years and years later, daichi returns. oikawa, again, has mixed to negative feelings about this. daichi is going to pilot a three person jaeger with suga and asahi both of whom have tragic backstories or smth. 

then, like, plot happens. haven’t gotten that far tbh. this is looking like it’ll be minimum 20k 😭😭😭

anyways eventual iwaoi and kurodai <3 

that’s what i’ve got lol. well. there’s more . there’s actually about 12,000 words worth of more. but this is the main stuff. i hope you enjoyed my rant. 

there’s more info in my #hq pacrim au tag !!!! and here’s an excerpt for you bc i’m excited about it: 

They both stand up in sync, and nod at Daichi and Michiko. Daichi offers a strained smile. “Good luck out there.”  Iwaizumi takes a breath and nods. Oikawa grins at him. “Won’t need it, Daichi.”  “Let’s just get going,” Iwaizumi says, rolling his eyes and pushing Oikawa towards the door.  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”  It’s a false bravado and a facade of confidence, but it helps. He’s always believed he can fake it until he makes it, which is maybe why he’s resisting actually confronting Iwaizumi’s feelings for him. If he can pretend that he’s basking in the feeling of being loved instead of terrified of it, then maybe he won’t have to confront his own feelings on the matter. If he can pretend that he’s just “sorting through things,” then he won’t have to actually tell Iwaizumi about them. If he pretends hard enough, maybe it’ll become true.  For now, though, he needs to just focus. He falls into step beside Iwaizumi as they walk to Mission Control, ready for whatever Ukai tells them to do.  “Hey,” Oikawa says. He takes a shaky breath. He’s more nervous than he thought he was. “Whatever happens out there, I believe in you, okay?”  Iwaizumi cracks a smile. He’s nervous, too. “I believe in you, too, Oikawa.”

[dotjade]

[mild spoilers for .hack//Sign lol]

im going to catalogue my .hack thoughts here i've decided

i have been going through the entire .hack franchise since last April, starting with .hack//Sign because a friend introduced me to it and reminded me of my early obsessions with "Media Where The Main Characters Go Into A Virtual Gamer World That In A Technical Sense Sucks Ass But 8 Year Old Me Wanted To Be There More Than Anything Else"

This is the Purposefully Unfinished .hack//Sign thoughts post as I'm currently leading a large amount of my friends through Sign and they haven't seen the end yet so I can't talk about the end bits but all .hack//Sign fans should know that Yes I am an immense fan of That Part

Never thought how cool the concept of someone actually being stuck in a videos game really could be until this anime. I heard plenty about SAO and other "Virtual Gamer World" media out there pulling bits like "but if u die in game u die for real" and the like and not much else so seeing an anime that is vague enough about the actual events taking place that the question of "what DOES happen when you die if you're stuck here?" ends up being kinda scary! Especially with the addition of the actual coolest thing I've seen a VGW media do literally ever which is oh idk

actually making the game part a game

especially when being sold about SAO by my brother who braved the entire first season, it seems like none of these media make an effort to make the Game Part of the world like. a real game? not that they need to limit themselves to how a game functions to tell the story but it always feels like the rules of the game come second to The Protag Who's Above This Actually

and alternatively, .hack//Sign is all about a bunch of players just playing the game! People who pay a monthly fee (god i feel that) to play an open ended game where the biggest appeal comes from playing however you see fit, when so much is possible but all within a ruleset that a game could have. And technically a ruleset a game DOES have since .hack//Sign was created to be a precursor to the events of the .hack//Infection PS2 series, so it's all full circle! Small details like a limited character creator, items used to escape the dungeons or reveal the map, or even just your avatar freezing in place because you went afk are all prevalent in the anime and it makes it feel so much like a place to care about instead of a backdrop for a Normal Boy to do Cool Moves for Free

This also doubles up as the reason why I'm so attached to the escalating nature of What's Really Going On in '.hack's "The World" as even when it gets so intense it could even be considered out of hand, it's all hidden within something that is, to the average person, a regular ass video game to pass the time with your friends online. Technology like VR and super-huge MMOs have just touched down in this franchises world and have a strong public appeal. Nobody has reason to doubt this video game, making those who are caught up in the true secrets of the game all the more relatable. It's awesome I love it

I'll say more about .hack//Sign later once my friends who can see this (hi guys) have wrapped up Sign as well. But as someone who doesn't watch a lot of anime and Sign was like, my 3rd anime ever, it blew my mind into small pieces. I love .hack

[deathbyme]

Hi I'm back

I really don't know why but suddenly I felt like I needed to check this account. Maybe it's just not to forget who I was. Recently I started to watch true crime videos again and I felt like watching Eliza Bustemante. Then I remembered that I used to read things about her here and wondered what did I write about her. I said that she could have been a serial killer if she hadn't been caught. But back then I could't understand how she felt. I don't mean that I'm sorry for her but now I can truly understand her negative even suicidal thoughts. In the last months I was so depressed. I just wanted to die. I thought about suicide. But not about killing myself. I just thought about the subject of suicide. Some people see it as a sin some as a cowardice. I see it as rebellion. A rebellion to this meaningless life and a rebellion to the God. I, myself, don't believe in God but metaphorically speaking the most "godly" thing a human can achieve is killing themselves and I am not brave enough to do that. And Eliza wasn't either. Instead of that she killed someone else. This is the coward thing to do. By killing someone you just make this misarable life more misarable to yourself.

Anyway I want to talk about suicide. The main question shouldn't be why people kill themselves. It should be "why don't them kill themselves?". This might be a problematic thing to say but yes this question has been bugging me for months. The first reason why people don't suicide is that they believe in God and yes I agreed that this is a good reason but what if I can't believe in Him. When I say that I don't believe in God people think that I'm bragging about this but I really wish I knew he existed. Everything in this absurdity would finally have a meaning. But I am not capable of fooling myself. So yes I obviously don't have this reason. Second one is hope. When people have hope for the future they just don't give up. But these people are the exact ones that keep ignoring death. They live as if they will live forever. But I can't do this either. When I know that the only thing I know for sure about my future is that I am going to die I can't keep ignoring this terrible certainty. So if the only thing I know is that I will be dead why be trying so hard for things right now. I might even die two seconds later because of a heart attack and every thing that I have done till this day might be for a complete nothing. So why work so hard and hope something in this chaotic life. The third reason is that people have someone to love. What happens when somebody literally hates everyone? People don't kill themselves because they feel sorry for the people who will be left behind when they are gone. I don't feel such thing. Killing yourself shouldn't be considered selfishness. This is my life, this my body, and this is the air that I breath so nobody should be intervening with me and the choice that I have for my life. And to be honest I would't sorry for people. I don't love anyone, actually I don' t think anyone loves anyone but that's a whole other thing. So clearly I don't have this reason too. So why am I still living? I don't think I am the only one who thinks like that. So why are we not brave enough to do it? Biggest problem is humans having a concious in this meaningless life and trying to live it as meaningfull as possible.

I leave an amazing Black Sabbath song that I truly adore.

[cyarsk52-20]

The people of Uvalde remember the names of some of the kids killed. Folk in other cities, businesses, schools, & nightclubs, remember the names as well. The family & friends remember. But mostly the names and faces are forgotten. The frequency & overwhelming numbers are a reason

The lack of memorials, a dedicated graveyard, a special flower, television views and photos of the dead, or a national day of remembrance and grieving.. perhaps would prevent the loss of the names and faces.

But we don’t remember our dead lost to gun violence. The indictment of who we are and what we are- what we allow and what we tolerate is all too damning I suppose.

Thousands of horrific deaths cast aside to the underbelly of a nation that is the main producer of violent movies, television, news, books, and media - make-believe and true life crime.. buries, literally and figuratively, our dead children’s stories

Their deaths remain meaningless in a nation of uncaring adults who have the power to act decisively but who collectively choose inaction

The adults are care the most and who extend their care even to children of families who prevent gun control action, are at the mercy of those same other adults who are okay that children are sacrificed at the alter of their gun-god.

There’s no both sides because only one side refuses to do anything to prevent mass gun deaths. That side, republicans, are happy to see death & destruction because they fundraise off the carnage. They invite it. They pray for it and thank their feckless god when it happens.

And they’re re-elected with frequency and energy at all levels by folk who convince themselves they’re brave americans but who are actually cowards and spineless humans.

The country makes me angry, sad, exhausted, fearful. But mostly angry. We’re not better because a minority of people prevent us from being better. We won’t get better either because that minority controls more than their rightful share. So we’re all hostage to their gun depravity

I was once a child in school and I wasn’t shot. In this nation that’s miraculous. But I ain’t thanking gun-toting jesus or any other god. Cuz if any of them exist, they ain’t worth a prayer for allowing this death & destruction here or anywhere in world.

But I guess I should be thankful, I’m told, that “We’re the greatest nation in the world” and other lying propaganda. We are great- the greatest at death of kids and adults murdered by gun/rifle by other citizens. Hooray. Fquck that bs about greatest country in the world

“One day I hope our kids can be judged by the contents in their gun and not by quality of their sidearm” is probably what the NRA says.

Anyway, today more children were killed by gunfire. We’ll all forget them. The same tomorrow and the next day. Because unless we have enough outrage to end it there apparently are no happy endings in this raunchy Gun-Merica. End.

[dwueth-var]

The fact that the choices Masumi, Futaba, and Taichi make about their lives and their happiness for the future happen “off screen” is actually something that I think adds a lot of depth to Blue Flag. It means that Touma’s choices— to come out, to confess to Taichi, to apologize to yet be vulnerable with Futaba, to leave for a new life, to be free— are the only ones we’re meant to face head on and grapple with. He goes first, and is brave enough to carve out the life he wants before the rest of them even know where to go next. And Futaba says in the epilogue that she has been inspired by him (and by extension, Taichi) to choose her own future, and I think that’s meant to be true for each of them.

And in a way, of the core four I feel he’s the only one who’s emotions and thoughts are made clear to us. So often the specifics of Taichi, Masumi, and Futaba’s struggle is undefined because they don’t even understand themselves yet— that’s why the text breaking up the panels is so often broad or framed as a question when it’s meant to be theirs. But the story makes Touma’s reality feel so grounded. We would know, even without words, why he chose to leave before the year was over. The single panels of just his expressions reveal so much so plainly. We also literally see the story through his eyes more that once, even more so than we do for Taichi. Even in the chapter where we see Mami’s perspective, we don’t get those insane, big panels of her POV like we do during Touma’s conversation with his brother. We are invited to *be* Touma, not just see him interact with the world.

Obviously Taichi is the main character and he’s meant to be the audience stand-in for Jump readers. And that’s part of what makes his queerness so impactful. But it’s almost like Touma is the character that defines Blue Flag and it’s message. Like a truly free society and life is only possible with the acceptance and freedom of queer people. In the particular context of queer acceptance in Japan, the idea that more people should be like Touma and make their own choices about their happiness is an incredible one.