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silver--linings · 3 years ago

Text

Step Not Onto A Burnt Bridge

[Crossposted on AO3]

Word Count: 4211

Characters: Rei/Akari (Player Character — Gender Neutral Pronouns but uses name Rei), Braviary, Ingo, Sneasler, Mentions

Rating: Teen and Up (Swearing), Gen

Tags: I wrote this in one go lmao, NOT ship I’ll fucking kill you, Spoilers, not for postgame but for main story, Introspection, Anxiety, Trauma, Talking Through Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, some headcanons, Kamado negative, lmao

Warnings: Brief moments of panic, nondescriptive

Summary: In the aftermath of the events at the Temple of Sinnoh, the twin gods are quelled, and things seem to be relatively normal again.

But should things truly go back to normal? Can one just pretend it never happened?

—

Or, in which a straw breaks the Camerupt’s back.

Deep breaths. In, out. In, out. In, out.

That’s it, Rei. Don’t take it to heart. In, out. Calm. Smile. Nod.

“Thank you, Rei. I sure am glad you popped out of the sky! You’re such a help around here,” the woman smiled at them, ruffling their hair.

Their chest tightened, and they forced out a laugh, nodding along with her. In, out. In, out. Stay positive. Put on a brave face.

Rei wasn’t sure what, exactly, they’d said to end the conversation. The woman seemed happy enough, though, so they turned away and kept a small smile fixed to their face.

Careful, now. One step, two, three, four. One after the other. Not too fast, not running, don’t run from them. Walk with purpose, too slow and they’ll request something. Remember to smile. You’re here because of Kamado’s grace. Be grateful.

A wave to Ress, a smile, a noncommittal answer. He seemed to accept it. In, out. In, out. No outbreaks. This is not the last time you will walk through this gate. A reach for the flute. A tune.

Wind.

— x — x —

Braviary didn’t know what to think.

He was called upon frequently, the Celestica Flute’s unique melody for him becoming commonplace, even in his distorted perception of time. This instance should have been no different. Instead, when he alighted on the ground with his back already inclined for his charge to clamber on to, he paused.

They… did not look their normal self. He couldn’t quite place it. Perhaps it was the Steel-y nature in which they walked, or the not-quite-there look on their face. They paused, and for a moment, Braviary wasn’t sure if they’d get on. Just to be sure, he nudged them with his head – gentle, but insistent. The jolt they let out made his eyes narrow, but he held back judgment, at least for now.

Obediently, but slowly, they slid a leg over his back, and then settled with their arms around his neck. If their fingers dug into his feathers more than usual, Braviary would pretend not to notice.

A few beats passed with Braviary not taking off, waiting for them to make a request. Usually, even if they weren’t talkative, they had a series of taps or tugs they’d perform in order to tell him where to go. No such command nor touch followed. Instead, static, rhythmic breathing ruffled his feathers ever-so-faintly.

Ah. Braviary was not well equipped for this, was he? Sabi rarely had moments like this, strange as she was. How does one deal with an upset child?

He wracked his mind and produced… absolutely nothing.

Sneasler had kids, didn’t she? Ursaluna, as well. Although, Ursaluna lived in the Mirelands, and that’s where a Settlement was, wasn’t it? If the child didn’t want to be in the Village, perhaps the Mirelands, and by extension, the Icelands, weren’t the best choices. Braviary took flight, feeling as if he’d lingered by the Village too long.

At random, the Lord picked a direction and flew towards it. Possibly the Fieldlands? No, that was awfully close to the Village. It was hardly half an hour’s flight, at best. That left the Coastlands and the Highlands… well, if Sneasler was in the Highlands, perhaps it’d be best to chart his course there. Maybe she’d know how to communicate with them. Basculegion was remiss when it came to humans, in most cases. At least the Lady liked people.

A slight angle to his wings, and he turned towards the Highlands. Unlike most of his flights, though, his mind stayed on his passenger.

Rei was a kind kid, not demanding, and they even gave him cake treats on rare occasions. They’d fended off both Sinnohs with relative ease, gone toe to toe with rampaging Lords, and almost filled that book of theirs. What had rattled them so? What had brought them to him looking much like a freshly evolved Steelix, hardly holding it together long enough for him to take to the skies?

As their grip tightened in his feathers and their form shook against his back, he felt lost, perhaps for the first time in decades.

— x — x —

Sneasler stiffened marginally next to Ingo, who was dutifully relighting the torches in Wayward Cave. A glance in her direction awarded no response, so he lit the final torch before returning to her side.

“Lady Sneasler?” Ingo started, his natural lack of volume control startling her from her zoned-out state. He lowered his voice, if only a bit, but the clear confusion in it spoke volumes. “What’s the matter? Has something switched tracks?”

She grunted, then gestured towards the exit. Her claws clacked together once, followed by two more rapid clacks. They’d developed a means of understanding one another – or, rather, for Ingo to understand her better. Sneasler herself had picked up on his metaphors quite quickly. “‘Leave, and I’ll take you to it?’” he double checked, just in case, and she grunted again.

By the time they’d exited, she looked slightly more agitated, and rather than waiting for him to get on her back or simply walk , she tossed him over her shoulder and made for the Stonetooth Rows. Something had her alarmed, and she wanted him along for it? This was certainly abnormal. Lady Sneasler wasn’t as agitated as when Lord Electrode had been frenzied, nor as when she first wanted him to meet her kits, but it certainly was up there. Just what had happened?

Despite his confusion, Ingo did not protest nor squirm. When his Lady was like this, she was single-minded – that, and he trusted her. If she could help it, harm would not come his way. With the speed of both familiarity and perceived necessity, they’d gotten to the Stonetooth Rows in little more than twenty minutes, thirty one seconds. She looked back and forth across the peaks, looking for something, he was sure. She’d not put him down, though, so he was privy to a view of the Rows upside-down.

Before he realized it, she’d found her target and was running towards it – them? He was pretty sure there were two colors on the brown of the earth. Ingo was unceremoniously set on the ground, and he looked to Sneasler. Even if he wasn’t expressive, she was quite adept at understanding his minute facial changes.

Only his brother had been able to do that, previously.

He shook the thought off quickly. As valuable as the scraps of memory were, something far more pressing was at hand. The Lady held up a claw, then clacked them once. No danger. Quiet.

With little else to do, he kept his mouth shut. Ingo watched her carefully as she approached a Braviary with… a person? Yes, undoubtedly. It wasn’t abnormal to see people riding pokemon, but it was something usually only done by the Wardens. No bracelet adorned their wrist, one of the only things he could see, so that eliminated the possibility. Strange.

Sneasler and the Braviary – was that Lord Braviary? – spoke lowly, his Lady’s frown growing deeper with each passing minute. She kept glancing at the bundle on Braviary’s back, making Ingo divert his attention to them. They seemed to be shaking, if slightly, and made no move to remove themself from the bird’s back. As Ingo thought about it, the bundle did look somewhat familiar… at least, the sleeves did. It wasn’t a Galaxy uniform, nor a Clan uniform, which meant…

On Braviary’s back, Rei hardly said a word as Sneasler helped them down, mindful of her clawtips. Their eyes were downcast, even as they gave Braviary an appreciative stroke. Sneasler led them over to him, as Braviary lingered for one long moment. His gaze was fierce, full of care and rage alike, watching Rei walk like a soldier to their grave. He met Ingo’s eyes, and despite the feeling of crawling Ingo felt at the eye contact, he dared not look away.

Take care of them. Braviary told him, taking flight at last. I will not tolerate any harm coming upon my charge, regardless of the perpetrator.

When the Lord was far enough away, Ingo looked back to Rei, who was now close to the stone on which he sat. Sneasler’s frown had not abated, but she sat them down next to him. Their limbs moved like a Shuppet, or perhaps a Golett – not quite acting of their own accord, instead puppeted by another force. A twinge of concern wormed itself into his chest.

He’d never seen Rei like this. They’d always seemed positive, eager to battle, eager to help, eager to connect with those they met and make friends. They had even managed to befriend Ingo, who had kept to himself beyond Melli, Irida, and Sneasler, the latter being the only one he contacted with relative frequency. Now, they were quiet, hardly responding to his Lady’s gentle prodding.

Ingo looked to his Lady, gesturing softly to get her attention but not startle Rei. She came closer to him, and he tried his hardest to speak quietly (which, in reality, probably was a normal or close-to-normal tone of voice). “Let me try. Emmet had days like this.”

Neither of them commented on the name. It wasn’t the time, nor the place.

“Hey, Rei?” Ingo knelt next to them, and then sat. The two would be there for awhile, he knew. “Do you want to talk? You can shake your head, if you want.”

A period of silence followed, where Rei stared at his shoes and he stared at their hair. A few times, they’d open their mouth, only to close it again. A similar aborted movement would sometimes follow with their head, as if they wanted to shake it, but couldn’t decide whether to or not. That was okay. There was no train to delay here, no course to reroute. It was just Rei and Ingo, with Sneasler keeping close watch nearby.

Finally, they cracked out a “yes,” before rubbing their hands. It seemed to be a nervous tic. Ingo couldn’t blame them. “I… it’ll take awhile. I don’t know where to start, and, and.” A frustrated sigh escaped them, seemingly involuntarily. “I’m having trouble with my words.”

“That’s okay, dear passenger.” Ingo nodded slightly, “the two of us have no set destination at the present moment. It’s just us and Lady Sneasler. We have as much time as we need.”

“Okay. … Okay.” The kid nodded, and Sneasler looked relieved. For a moment there, neither of them had thought they’d get a response.

“Let’s proceed to Lady Sneasler and I’s dwelling. It’s not far, and it’s out of the way. It’s a fine stop here, but something tells me there’s inclement weather.”

Instead of voicing their response, Rei just gave another nod.

— x — x —

The dwelling was rather nice, Rei thought.

It was in a decently sized cave and tunnel system, seemingly dug out by Sneasler herself, lit by small torches. The area Ingo and Sneasler led them to was cozy, with a pile of various leaves and blankets alike serving as Sneasler’s bed and a few more cushions and blankets littered around for Ingo. It was on one such cushion Rei sat. It was surprisingly warm, as well. Cozy , their mind supplied.

“I will not press you,” Ingo told them, and they could tell he was putting in an effort to lower his volume for them. They appreciated it, despite normally the shouts being easy to handle. Something about the day felt wrong, and too much stimulus spelled trouble. On some level, the man seemed to understand that and adjust accordingly. “It is in your own time. Sneasler may come and go, depending on the timeframe, but I have a considerable amount of resources here. Do not push yourself.”

Rei nodded, again, and felt almost as if their head was a toy bouncing to and fro. Their companion didn’t seem to mind.

They were unsure how much time had passed when they worked up the nerve to speak again. The cave was darker, but that could mean anything. “I didn’t mean anything to them,” they blurted, finally. Ingo started a bit, not expecting the break in the quiet, but turned to them attentively from his spot by the teapot. “I… when I arrived here, they didn’t trust me at all. Kamado-” their voice cracked at his name, “-and Cyllene took a risk allowing me in, probably without the town’s approval. I had to pass an exam, yeah, but it was simple. I feel like you’d understand how easy catching some baby pokemon is. But everyone there was suspicious of me. Even Kamado.”

Ingo gave them a long, neutral look. They appreciated the lack of pity in it. “I was similarly distrusted upon my arrival at this station,” he agreed.

Rei took a deep breath. “I… I wanted them to like me. I was alone, you know? Alone and an outsider. So when the townspeople started talking to me, and asking for help, I jumped at the chance. I thought, ‘hey, maybe if I help around and pull my weight, it’ll help my case.’” They let out a bitter laugh. “And I really thought it worked! For months I did stuff for the townspeople and helped quell the Nobles. Cyllene told me on my first day here that I could die out in the wilds. Them taking me in was a blessing, and I thought that blessing had borne fruit, that I belonged somewhere. The Clans seemed to like me, and I thought I’d made friends. Family, even.”

Another long pause. They could feel a burning behind their eyes and a lump in their throat, and while they knew logically that Ingo wouldn’t judge, a traitorous voice told them that he’d throw them out all the same. They felt a nudge to their hand, and they jerked back reflexively. Ingo jumped a little, as well, two cups of tea in his hands. “Sorry, sorry,” he spoke quickly and forgot to regulate his volume, but corrected himself just as fast. “Should’ve asked before. You weren’t responding, I… made tea?”

His clear awkwardness drew a choked laugh from Rei, and they accepted the cup, blowing on its contents before taking a sip. “Thank you.”

The two sat in silence for another undefined period, each drinking at their own pace. Ingo looked contemplative, or at least they thought so. He was hard to read when he wasn’t talking.

“I was blind.” Out of the corner of their eye, they could see Ingo glance up at them. His gaze returned to his cup, though, likely in effort to not stare or overwhelm them. “The requests, the friendliness, all of it. It wasn’t acceptance.” Rei took a deep breath. “They were just using me. Making the most out of the situation. They never wanted me there. It didn’t matter that I ate with them, talked with them, worked with them, nothing. None of it mattered. What I had thought was something was really just wishful thinking.”

They bit their hand to stop the choked sob that tried to force itself from their throat and squeezed their eyes shut. They couldn’t show weakness. Not where others could see. Not now, not now, not now. In, out, in, out, inoutinoutinout.

“Rei? Rei.” Ingo’s voice broke through their mantra. “Hey, Rei. I’m going to touch you, okay? I need you to breathe.” They glanced up, and Ingo rested a hand on their shoulder. “Breathe with me, okay? In, one, two, three, four. Hold, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Out, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Okay? Let’s do it again.”

They weren’t sure how long the two of them sat and counted, but when they felt less like they’d run a marathon in heels, the two had returned to sitting side by side. “I don’t want you to force yourself,” Ingo began, quieter than they’d heard him be yet. “I want you to be able to talk about it, but don’t work yourself into a panic attack trying to get it all out at once, okay? It’s ultimately up to you what you say and what you don’t. I’m just here to listen.”

Rei rubbed their hands before quietly agreeing. They accepted his offer for more tea, if only to have something to hold on to while they gathered their thoughts. By the time the tea (bitter, but refreshing. Rei idly thought to themself that they must have not had tea, Before ) was ready, they’d somewhat composed themself. “I still want to talk,” they said resolutely, “if I don’t say it now, I never will.”

Ingo seemed to accept that, reclaiming his seat nearby them. “So long as you take breaks when you need them,” he acquiesced.

“I will.” They confirmed, and continued their story, “I, well. The sky went red. And I was exiled.” Ingo’s eyes turned sad, at that. They knew he had a similar experience, if devoid of the details. “When I was leaving… Kamado said he’d known not to trust me, and that I only wasn’t in chains because of my service. That I caused it.” That got a wince out of their companion. “The townspeople agreed. They said they’d never trusted me, I was always an outsider, I should never have been admitted. After everything I’d done, all the friendships I’d thought I’d made, all of it , gone in minutes.

“I was bitter. I was angry. But most of all… I was hurt. I had nowhere to go. I sought out the Diamond and Pearl clans, but they couldn’t help me. Not explicitly, at least, lest Kamado start a war with them over it.” The vitriol in their words left unhindered, at last. It had festered for far too long. “I wasn’t angry with Adaman, nor with Irida. They have people to care for. They came to help me later. But Kamado . He… he represents all of it, to me. I can’t look at him the same way. I can hardly look at him at all.”

Ingo nodded, understanding borne of similar experiences weighing upon his shoulders. “I… well, I’m sure you know I, too, was derailed from my typical Warden’s tracks. It wasn’t as cruel, for me, as I never was close with those of Jubilife. But seeing the way they treated someone kind enough to help strangers in the first place, let alone after they’d been driven from house and home.

“I came back from visiting Lady Sneasler to the red sky. By the time I realized what the town had done, I was en route to the Training Grounds. The way Zisu had looked at me despite our many days training together… it is not one I’ll soon forget.” Ingo looked down at his tea, idly swishing the liquid back and forth in the mug. “I tried the Pearl Settlement, as well, but they could not accept me. They directed me to Lady Sneasler. Lady Irida was furious, she wanted to barge into the Team’s headquarters and take him on herself, but… I am one man. One part of a small whole… hardly a part at all, as an outsider. Even some of the Clan felt indifferent about my exclusion. So… I had Lady Sneasler. Lady Irida visited me, but I laid low here. It… wasn’t too different from before, really. All I could do was hope that you’d found somewhere.” His grip tightened on the teacup. “It wasn’t my proudest moment. I apologize.”

Rei hummed. “It’s okay. I… someone helped me. They took me in. They worked with me, as did Adaman and Irida, to fix things.”

“The fact that you fixed things at all is remarkable, Rei. You had no reason to. Your kindness truly shines in your actions.”

Rei frowned, but they knew Ingo was nothing but honest if he could be. Especially with them, they’d found. Amnesiac solidarity, they supposed. “You know, the chef tried to kill me.”

Ingo choked on the sip of tea he had just started to take, setting the cup down to cough. They patted his back. He didn’t say anything, but the ‘what? ’ was written so clearly on his normally inexpressive face that they couldn’t help but laugh.

“Beni. He’s a ninja, I suppose. Kamado did too, but that’s not as funny.” Ingo hadn’t managed to lose his what the hell expression, yet. “But, yeah. After… everything… with the Sinnohs, they just. They just took me back. They brought me back into the Village as if they hadn’t left a fucking fifteen year old out in the wild to die . They threw a festival , for Arceus’ sake.”

“So…” Ingo’s frown finally made its reappearance. “A ninja chef tried to kill you, and then the Commander tried to kill you, and then two gods tried to kill you, and then they threw a party like nothing happened…? Am I summarizing that correctly?”

For some reason, the utter bafflement in Ingo’s tone was what broke the Camerupt’s back, so to speak. They’d not spoken to anyone about the sheer ridiculousness of the situation, as no one from the town could truly understand how stupid it all sounded – not even their friend nor Laventon would truly grasp it. Tears sprung forth like a deluge, finally bypassing the lump in their throat to allow them a full sob .

Awkwardly, Ingo patted their back. He was better at the talking part of comforting, and less so the actual act , and it showed. The thought just made Rei cry harder, the relief of finally being able to let it out with someone who could understand it overtaking them. They knew it wasn’t pitying, just awkward, and that was so, so, so much better.

Rei had to have cried for awhile, but their friend hardly moved beyond to get them a couple of handkerchiefs to clean their face with. The release of emotion made them exhausted , but they wanted to finish. “I– I’m good now,” they finally managed to say, taking a deep breath. They took a few more for good measure, accepting the water Ingo provided them with.

“I went back and they talked to me as if they hadn’t left me for dead. As if they hadn’t yanked the carpet out from under me. As if I hadn’t been betrayed the second something looked off.

“But… I couldn’t… I couldn’t say anything. At first, there was no time to think about how I felt. Then it was all so fresh and even thinking about it got me worked up to almost hyperventilating. And after that it was too late. Too much time had passed, Rei, why are you still dwelling on it? Aren’t you grateful? ” The spite that dripped from their final word surprised even them.

Sneasler, who had just returned from checking on what Ingo apparently (secretly) called the “sneaslings”, approached them. Perhaps it was instinct, perhaps she was unnaturally perceptive, perhaps some combination of the two, but Sneasler took Rei’s head in her carefully turned away claws and rested their forehead on hers. A deep, throaty hum, much like a purr, stemmed from her throat, and Rei relaxed into her makeshift embrace. Even if Sneasler couldn’t hold them fully without risking their health, she could still convey care. It was, somehow, exactly what they needed.

— x — x —

The kid seemed to be all out of tears, Sneasler noted as they relaxed into her hold. Instead, it seemed like the wind had been taken from their feathers, and they simply held onto her like a lifeline. A sharp spike of fury washed over her, carefully hidden by the purr she let out. Ingo seemed to notice, anyhow – her Warden was extremely perceptive, at times.

Gently, she rocked the child, allowing them to fall asleep against her soft fur. It had been a long day for them, she knew. Braviary was probably plucking his feathers while preening, he’d seemed so concerned, and she finally understood why.

It was not often that Sneasler felt a protective rage for humans. Once, it was for an earlier Warden of hers, a sickly girl whom she guarded more fiercely than any others before her. The next time was for Warden Ingo, a man who’d grown on her like stubborn moss, and was likely the first Warden she’d bonded with in a true fashion. And now, for this small, fragile child, who had saved the world twice over and likely would again.

The child had hurt no soul, displaying no brutality even towards those they defeated. They harbored no resentment for the Clan Heads who turned them away, nor for those who stood idly by whilst they were forced from the only home they remembered. Only the perpetrator of the banishment held their ire, when Sneasler knew she’d have already torn the population to shreds by the time they had the chance to utter the word exile .

This simply wouldn’t do. No kit of hers would remain passively in harm’s way, no matter how feeble they were (and humans were so, so feeble, she mused). Her Warden looked at her, as they both knew what she was thinking.

He could not argue, though. He’d say he didn’t want to wake the child, but they both knew better.

Oh, yes. She and Braviary would be having words.

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k1ll-ur-vibe · 6 years ago

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hey! thanks for visiting my blog.

i’m jade, i’m 20 years old and i live in south wales in the uk. my pronouns are she/her and i am bisexual. i’m single.

i love music, writing, body modification, bdsm, gaming, tv shows, genealogy, true crime and rugby. my favourite music genre is pop-punk and my favourite band is all time low. i love atl to death, they have helped me so much and saved my life. their music means the fucking world to me and i can’t even express just how much i love them. i own multiple copies of their CDs, DVDs and vinyls, and a shit ton of merch. i have seen them 9 times and met them 3 times. they’ve also noticed me a bunch of times and some of the guys have started recognising me at this point which is really cool. i’ve loved them for nearly 7 years and they are such an integral part of my personality and life at this point, it’s unreal. <3 if you’re friends with me, you’re gonna hear about atl every single day and you need to accept that.

other than pop-punk, i love all different genres and have a very varied music taste. some artists other than atl that i love are simple creatures, busted, lights, little mix, mcfly, the maine, marianas trench, jojo, ed sheeran, demi lovato, breathe carolina, cupcakke and hayley kiyoko.

i write songs, play guitar, bass and drums, sing, read music and am experienced in in-studio and live sound engineering. music is my life, it’s what i live and breathe. i currently work in events staff, helping put on concerts and rugby matches which are 2 of the things i love the most.

i write stories online and have had some pretty popular fics before. i write both fan fiction and own universe stories and i take part in nanowrimo every year. most of my stories will go up on quotev and/or mibba. you can view my profiles on those websites here and here. you can view my nanowrimo profile here.

through writing fan fiction, i have met friends who have made my life so much better and become my family. i met 2 of my best friends, dominique and alexandria, on quotev and i wouldn’t change them for the world. <3 i’m finally meeting dominique in march but unfortunately, alexandria and i still have to wait a little longer. but we’ll get there, i know we will. :) i’ve known both of these girls for nearly 7 years and i just love them so much. <3 i can’t wait to finally break the distance with my sisters. :)

i love body modification. i currently have 3 tattoos and pierced ears but i want so, so much more. i currently want 24 more tattoos plus an entire sleeve, 10 more piercings and stretched ears. all the tattoos i have currently are atl related (therapy and skull tattoos on my left arm, plus atl’s signatures on my upper back) and i love them so much. however, the next tattoo i intend to get is non-atl related but i still have plenty more atl-related stuff to get done, including the sleeve (it will be based on my fave album, nothing personal’s artwork). :)

i am highly into bdsm and am a submissive. before the tumblr purge, i had a bdsm blog but now, since i’ve had to delete it, anything that i can get away with will be posted here. some of my kinks include bondage, pain, torture, degradation and humiliation, dd/lg and watersports. i’ve struggled with my sexuality a lot over the years and part of that has been a struggle with accepting that i’m kinky. but i refuse to let it bother me anymore. i am into bdsm and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem. i will be posting bdsm-related things on this blog so if you’re not into that, please don’t follow me. however, i will try my best to tag everything as both bdsm and nsfw so if you are able to block those tags in any way and still want to follow me, please feel free to do so. :)

i love video games and my favourite games are the gta games (my faves are prob gta san andreas and gta5. however, i am currently making my way through gta4 as i didn’t get to play it when it initially came out). i also love tony hawk, sonic, pokemon and the sims. i am currently an xbox player but love playstation and nintendo too. i have fond memories of the gamecube and the ps2 growing up. i’m hoping to play red dead redemption 2 and undertale soon. i think they look awesome and have watched many let’s plays on them. currently playing: gta4, ts4 and pokemon white.

i love tv shows and some of my favourites are the goldbergs, brooklyn nine nine, how i met your mother, friends, stranger things, you, big mouth and the good place. i mostly netflix binge but sometimes will watch live. the only problem is things take a lot longer to come to the uk from the us haha. i used to be a huge fan of sci-fi and i used to blog a lot about supernatural, doctor who and sherlock but have drifted far away from that now (although i still love misha collins and ship destiel/cockles lmao). so if you see one of my old posts, know that i’m not like that anymore. i definitely prefer sitcoms these days but still love a good drama. :)

i love genealogy and have been creating my own family tree since 2015. my 3 favourite genealogy-related tv shows are who do you think you are? (uk version), heir hunters, and long lost family. i love finding out about my family history and what made me, me really. i get that it’s a super nerdy thing to be into but quite frankly, i don’t care haha.

i’m super interested in true crime and the psychology surrounding it. eleanor neale is my favourite youtuber but a close second is georgia marie. i also love buzzfeed unsolved, both true crime and supernatural editions. i frequently binge true crime docu-series on netflix and i really want to study psychology at some point. i just think it’s so fascinating to think about what must have to break in someone’s brain to make them so violent and/or evil.

being welsh, i of course adore rugby. and of course, i root for wales. the venue i work at is the home venue for wales and it makes me so proud. i would love to meet one of the team one day, probably leigh halfpenny specifically. i feel that rugby is just so much better than football and the fanbases tend to be way more accepting of each other. and the game is way more fun to watch. but unfortunately, i don’t think i’ll ever be strong or brave enough to actually play it haha.

i unfortunately struggle with a few illnesses that can sometimes make life a daily battle but i get through it. i have polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos), which causes irregular periods, cysts on the ovaries, rapid weight gain and difficulty losing weight, hirsutism, male-pattern balding, acne and infertility. i have pretty much every symptom (but i haven’t tried getting pregnant yet so i don’t know about infertility) and it is hell. i also suffer with a few mental illnesses; depression, social anxiety disorder and OCD. i used to self-harm but am now over 5 years clean and i also have attempted suicide in the past but am thankfully not suicidal right now. i take 40 mg fluoxetine daily to manage my mental illnesses and i also see a support worker to help me get out more and build my confidence. i’ve been through both child and adult therapy services in the past. anyone who’s reading this and is struggling too, please stay strong. <3 i promise there are better days out there for you.

i hope you enjoy looking at my blog and that you give me a follow if you want! bye, peeps. <3

#about me #me #text #ignore this post #it's just for blog maintainence #ignore #blog maintainence

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