#not an expert and maybe others would have a different perspective

[official-megumin]

there is always this discourse about if transfem and transmascs have it worse

And like, I know it's not really quantifiable and measureable to find the objective suckiness of being trans.

But like

Man it's gotta suck to be a trans guy. This is coming from the perspective of a trans girl btw.

I know that not all transmascs care about passing and having a "fully male body", like everyone decides for themselves what they wanna do. But let's see this from the perspective from a trans guy who wants to be as close to a cis perisex man as possible, this guy is also perisex afab, meaning normal development and stuff.

Ok, so for this man to "finish" his transition, he would need like, what? 3 surgeries. All of which are gatekept. He would need top surgery, tit chop as you say.

This is already a lot, and it sucks fucking dick that y'all have to wait for that. But other than that already sucky and gatekept surgery, we also have phalloplastry, which many countries including Denmark, doesn't offer at all because it's more complicated than vaginoplastry.

This is also a hugely impactful surgery, and I assume that for many trans men, it also doesn't really feel good enough because no semen and dick pump. Of course I'm no expert, so don't take what I say as gospel, I might flat out be wrong about many things.

But that still isn't it. By now we have moved past surgeries the average transfem would "need"

Like yes, many trans women end up getting BA and FFS to combat dysphoria on top of bottom surgery, but they aren't "required" in the same way. So let's round it out and say one half of both of those surgeries count, so that means that transfems on average get two gender affirming surgeries. Which means that now, transfem and transmasc surgery counts are the same.

But wait, there's more!

There are also hysterectomies to remove the uterus and ovaries. Which again is very extremely gatekept because "devine femininity"(bleugh)

That's three surgeries to transition "normally" for a transmasc versus the two of a transfem, already there it's more sucky.

Of course this is not taking other typically gendered features into account like hip and shoulder width, which is too variable to really take into account here. Also it is not as widely different between the sexes as some people claim.

But this is just the surgery front.

I can't even begin to imagine how dysphoria inducing dealing with menstruation must be to a trans man.

Like periods suck dick, I know that from personal exprience. It hurts like shit for like a week at a time and there's blood everywhere.

But for trans men you add fucking dysphoria on top of that???? Hellish, the female reproductive system is so invasive and intrusive. For transfems we can just y'know, not touch the thingy and we won't have to worry about a visceral bloody reminder every month that stays even after hrt starts.

Really what I want to say is that yea sure maybe transfems struggle more with sexism and such whilst transitioning, I'd argue even that is not quantifiable and will be hugely variable on how the individual looks(speaking from experience as a trans girl who has not once had transphobia aimed at her in person in public from strangers)

But the physical struggle of transitioning? I think that trans masculine transitions take the cake by far here. Like objectively too.

And all the transmascs out there at all, doesn't matter how dysphoric you are, or how far you wanna take your transition. I respect you so god damn much, and I'm in awe of all of you. You're genuinely incredible

[meaeris]

beyond all expectations

pairing: sebastian sallow x f.mc

genres: fluff, (a little) angst

summary: in which the protagonist is practicing to become an animagus and things, contrary to her expectations, go exactly as planned. more or less.

warnings: takes place one year later. spoiler for sebastian's quest. mention of character's death. hurt/trauma. Mc has a random name because i don't like using y/n or 2nd pov.

A.N. hi! i don't usually write fanfictions since english is not my first language, but i had this cute scenario in mind and had to write it down, so forgive some mistakes and inaccuracies. this is a repost from ao3. thank you for reading and interactions are super appreciated!

The problem was that Allie, wonder-child and proud Slytherin, had underestimated her abilities.

She didn't think for a moment that she would be able to transform so soon and, above all, she didn't think that the transformation would be so well executed that she wouldn’t be able to return to her human form.

"Don't panic" she thought, panicking.

Certainly Hogwarts couldn’t be defined as a cheap structure in terms of grandeur, yet now everything around her appeared immensely bigger and infinitely more majestic. She turned around and watched her own tail wag furiously behind her. Cats do that when they're nervous, right? She didn't know. She wasn't a cat expert whatsoever, for the only ones she had to deal with were the ones that roamed the castle. And now, herself.

A wave of delusion swept over her. It couldn't have been worse. Of all the animals she could turn into, a cat? Such a common animal? Her Slytherin pride was more than slightly hurt. Peering through some reflective surfaces, she managed to take a glimpse of her appearances: short gray fur, slender paws and deep aquamarine eyes. She wasn't just some common breed, at least. What was it called? A russian blue? Perhaps. Although there weren't traces of blue whatsoever.

The girl-prodigy (that's how some people called her) tried and retried several times to return to her normal form. She failed. A Slytherin who couldn't revert back a spell? What would her housemates say? What would her professors say? And after everything she had accomplished the year before! Defeated goblins, dragons, dark wizards… yet now the obstacle was herself.

She sneaked out of the girls' bathroom where she had been practicing until a few minutes ago and attempted to interact with the other students. Maybe someone would recognize her?

Misplaced hopes. Everyone mistook her for an ordinary cat, one of the many that occupied the school. Only a tiny less friendly, as she hissed and quickly sprang away whenever someone tried to pet her.

"Merlin's beard, why is this castle so big?!" she thought more and more irritated. She had no idea what to do. The worst thing? She could involuntarily transform back any time and end up naked in the corridors. In front of everyone. No. She would rather remain a cat forever.

"Of course, the wand! I'm an idiot, I could have brought it with me. Maybe showing it to someone will make them realize it's me."

She went back, not without getting lost a couple of times. Her sense of direction, now that she was seeing everything from a different perspective, had definitely worsened. The bathrooms were empty, and the room in which she had changed was still locked from the inside. With difficulty, she slipped again under the wooden doors and found her wand submerged by the clothes. She took the wand with her mouth, but she couldn’t manage to make it pass through the big pile of clothing. She wasn’t used to her feline body yet and everything felt like learning to walk for the first time. Her mouth felt stuck and the wand abnormally heavy. From bad to worse, no one would have noticed her clothes because from the outside it would have looked like an occupied bathroom.

She got an idea. She headed to Professor Onai's divination classroom, hoping to run into Natty. As the only Animagus she knew, the Gryffindor girl was aware of her attempts to become one. But so far every attempt had been unsuccessfull. Until that day.

She arrived at the entrance of the classroom, but realized she had forgotten an important detail: the ladder in front of her. She would have never been able to climb it, not in this form. She started meowing wildly, hoping someone would hear. It worked. Professor Onai, perhaps annoyed by that cry (which in her hindsight sounded more like a cat about to vomit), looked out from the upper entrance with a soft smile.

- You can't stay here, little one. Class is about to start. Shoo!

And that was that. The teacher disappeared and the girl (cat) stood there, looking up, as if expecting divine help. She cursed (meowing).

The lesson would last a long time, she didn't have time to wait. She had to do something.

If Natty wasn't available, there were only two options left.

She wasn't too proud of it, but in two years at Hogwarts she hadn't managed to make that many friends. Despite everything she'd done to save the school? Well... yes. But perhaps it was her fault, as she’d never been the reincarnation of friendship and affection, as much as she tried. Only Ominis Gaunt and Sebastian Sallow could define themselves as “companions”, at the moment. A direct consequence of sharing a deadly adventure that ends in tragedy. Natty and Poppy? Good company, surely, but they didn't have many occasions to meet, being from different houses and all.

It had now been a year since Sebastian's uncle died, and he still hadn't been able to forgive himself. He smiled and joked around much less than before. Everyone noticed that. Ominis, for his part, took a long time to accept things as they were, but when he realized that Sebastian needed friends, now more than ever, he decided that regret was better than anger. The three had become even more close, and they seldom left each other’s side. Although the topic was left untouched and a tense atmosphere was palpable everytime someone received a letter from their relatives.

She immediately thought of Ominis. He was the more conscientious of the two, the one with common sense, some would say, and he would have certainly uncovered her transformation if it wasn’t for a small... technical problem. He would simply hear her meowing madly and he would, rightfully so, ignore her, as he did with most of the cats. Although Sebastian admitted he caught the Gaunt boy secretly feeding them a couple of times.

And Sebastian? Well, let's just say she had been trying to avoid him lately. Not out of malice, but due to the effect that the boy's presence was having on her stomach. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but at the same time... it scared her. She was scared that this feeling had a name. After all, who would ever consider someone like her that way? Sebastian was smart, charismatic and charming, traits that certainly didn't went unnoticed by fellow Slytherin (or not) gals. At the same time, he exuded this unapproachable aura that seemed to scare his suitors away. Although some would say it was due to his close friendship with Ominis, despite the Gaunt boy being one of the kindest people she ever met... despite his, well, mood swings. He certainly didn't deserve such a treatment just because of his family reputation.

At the moment she had no choice. Burying useless emotions inside, she knew where Sebastian was, for they roamed together so often now that she had learned their schedules. She made her way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower and luckily, she spotted Sebastian walking out of the classroom. She waited until he was isolated from the other students and tried to get his attention. She waddled towards him and began meowing at his legs.

"Sebastian! It's me!"

- Hello there, small one. Are you looking for attention? - said the boy, kneeling at the height of the feline. His scottish accent sounded more pronounced with her feline ears.

"NO! I mean, yes, but not in that way!"

- How precocious. Are you hungry?

"No! I mean, I kinda am now that I think about it... but that's not important now!"

She tried everything: she rolled, jumped, scratched his shoes (which caused a gasp of disappointment) and even tried to stand on two legs. All of which only contributed to the "hungry cat" image that Sebastian already had. Other than making her own head spin.

- I'm sorry, I don't have any food for you - Sebastian shook his head in amusement and started to walk away, but Allie, desperate, followed him. A few minutes later Ominis showed up, wand in hand.

- What’s going on? – he asked, probably having heard the miserable cry from afar.

- I don’t know, this cat seems to be mad at me. It's been following me since I left the classroom.

"Then ask yourself some questions!"

Ominis raised an eyebrow.

- Maybe it's hungry. Or in heat.

"OMINIS!"

The two laughed and simply left her there.

“Come back, you buffoons! Don't leave me alone!”

- Shall we go to the Undercroft? Allie should join us soon.

Of course! Only the three of them knew about that place. If she showed that she knew, somehow, maybe they would finally put two and two together. Besides, if she was late, they would get suspicious. She was never late for anything. Of course, except that time she managed to be late for her sorting ceremony, but that was a special case out of her control.

She ran away, under Sebastian's perplexed gaze, and preceded them towards the entrance to the Undercroft, a gothic clock meticulously decorated by blue and gold hues, an elegant design that recalled the starry sky.

The only positive thing about the situation was that she got there before them, thanks to her four legs.

When Sebastian noticed her, he didn't hide a surprised grin. It didn't happen often, but the freckles on the boy's face seemed to stand out even more. She liked that expression a lot and, for a second, thought it was kinda cute.

- What the...

Ominis lowered his wand.

- What are you doing here? - Sebastian remarked more and more confused.

- Did it follow us?

- I'm positive it got here before us.

-Well, it's a cat… it wouldn't surprise me if it knew this place better than we do.

"Ominis, you and your logic, shut up for once!"

Sebastian abandoned himself to a slight smirk.

- Well, I don't think a cat might blurt out anything about this place. If it wants to come, let it come.

After her meow of approval, Sebastian walked over and bent down to pick her up. Normally she would have wriggled herself free if it was anyone else. But Sebastian wasn't anyone else. She relaxed and the floor moved far from of her view, making her feel slightly dizzy. She may have been a cat, but she’d been one for less than an hour.

Sebastian snuggled her into his arms and her heart went crazy, leaping into her throat.

- It's purring - Ominis noted, hinting a smile.

- And here I thought you hated me - Sebastian joked with his typical flirty tone.

“I want to dig a hole and bury myself in.”

When this was over, she was going to obliviate anyone that knew, she thought. They crossed the rusty gate and, once inside, Sebastian left her on the ground. The poor teen (cat), still panicking and probably thinking about a spell for grave-digging, didn't move for a couple of minutes.

- It could keep us company, as long as we are careful not to cast spells on him by mistake - Sebastian suggested, taking off his robe and placing it on the ground in a corner. He took out his wand and twirled it with his wrist, as if practicing movements.

- Are you sure it’s a him?

- I don’t know.

- I've heard that females have a smaller head compared to males.

Sebastian looked closely at her, who was now sitting next to them. If any other cat saw her right now, they would have probably stayed kilometers away from her.

- I frankly can't tell... if nothing else, I almost have the impression that it can understand what we're saying.

"I do in fact, and yet you're just spouting nonsense!"

She meowed in disapproval and two heads whipped towards her.

- See? - said the brunette.

- It is kinda bizarre - Ominis confirmed, perplexed.

- Maybe it belongs to someone and it got lost. We should take it to the professors later.

"You two are definitely not Ravenclaw."

The two spoke no more. Sebastian practiced with the training dummies while Ominis read a book in braille.

She had run out of ideas. She had tried everything, and the two seemed to ask the right questions, but not enough. So she just lay there, taking everything in for once, admiring her friends. Maybe it was the new point of view, but Sebastian definitely got taller, compared to last year. Taller and sturdier, although his complexion remained the perfect mix of soft and manly features. Ominis didn't change much, but bis cheekbones were more prominent and slightly higher, framing a tad more mature face. On the other hand, she remained exactly as she's always been, if not with increased dark circles and puffiness under her eyes.

An hour later Sebastian realized something was wrong.

- She's late - he observed, leaning against a big box and taking a breath. - How many times has it happened so far?

- In two years? Never, - Ominis confirmed, - Except that time she was held by Professor Garlick for being bitten on the ear by a chomping cabbage.

- That was actually rather funny. It was the first time I saw Allie spill some tears.

At the mention of her name (and trying really hard to ignore what he’d just said), she got up and leapt at Sebastian's legs, meowing so wildly that from afar it would have sounded like someone was torturing a stray cat.

This attracted Ominis' attention, who took his hands away from the book and placed it at his feet. He was getting suspicious.

Sebastian knelt down and inquisitively looked into her light eyes. She reciprocated, but that strange feeling in her stomach didn't take long to manifest.

- Here’s the thing… - he began, tilting his head towards Ominis with his eyes half closed. - Didn't Allie say she was training to become an Animagus?

Ominis knew immediately what he was implying. - For some months, yes.

- Did she ever succeed?

- As far as I know, never.

She meowed again and spun around.

Sebastian's eyes seemed to light up for a moment.

- Could it be... is that you, Allie?

"At last! Honour your name, Mr Sallow!"

She meowed and jumped, twice.

Sebastian took his wand, pointed it at the animal and spelt "Revelio!".

Nothing happened.

Sebastian sighed. - Maybe I'm reading too much into it...

At this, before Ominis could intervene, she lost her patience and grabbed his trousers with her pointed teeth, biting his skin in the process.

- Ouch! Okay, wait, let me try again! What was the spell... I read it once in a book of transfiguration…

He thought about it for a moment, until he snapped his fingers in ecstasy. He cast a spell she had never heard before and a blue light enveloped her body. For a moment she felt nothing. Then she sensed that her body began to change. Without thinking twice, she ran over to the robe Sebastian had set down earlier and mentally thanked him for doing so.

The transformation was undone and Allie found herself with Sebastian's robe wrapped around her body.

- Finally! Everything is at its right height. That was horrible! - she cried, stretching and shrinking in order to feel her bones again.

Perhaps from the effect of the spell, or perhaps from the sudden cold of the dungeons, she sneezed.

- Merlin! - Sebastian exclaimed, and turned away uneasy with eyes wide open.

- Allie? It's you? - Ominis asked, turning towards her, and for once she was thankful that he couldn't see.

Sebastian was looking at the wall. - What the bloody hell happened?

- I wish I knew! I was practicing the whole Animagus thing in the bathrooms, when suddenly it worked, and I...

- You were practicing? - Sebastian repeated.

- Yes.

- In the bathrooms? - he began to turn around to show his disappointment, but soon realized the embarrassing situation she was in and changed his mind.

-Yes. I mean, no... wait, that doesn't matter! Contrary to my predictions, it worked, too well in fact, and I couldn't turn back. Took you long enough to notice!

- How were we supposed to know?! You could have asked the professors!

- Ask, how, exactly? All I could do was meow. And besides, admit to a professor that I failed such a simple thing after all I've been through? No way. It would have been humiliating!

Sebastian didn't say anything more, as if he got the point.

- Well, for instance... you should put some clothes on.

She blushed furiously. - I would do it myself, but my wand was left in the bathroom along with everything else.

- It's fine - interrupted Ominis. - I'll go get them.

Probably understanding the situation better than Sebastian, Ominis offered himself to go retrieve everything. How, she didn't want to ask, but she trusted Ominis more than anyone.

- Thank you...

Ominis went through the secret passage. Two of them were left.

She sighed, both tired and awkward about the whole situation. - I'm sorry for all this mess. I really didn't think it would work… it was honestly just for fun.

Sebastian sighed and seemed to realize the irony of the situation. He giggled. - It's all right. But I think you should stop underestimating yourself so much.

She slumped her shoulders. Maybe it was the tense situation, or maybe it was the fact that she felt naked for the first time in front of someone (metaphorically and physically). She felt like confiding in Sebastian. - You'd think that after all that happened last year I'd be more confident, but it's not easy.

Sebastian crouched, leaning against a stone wall, a leg bent over his chest, the other stretched on the cold floor. He turned to look into her eyes, feeling the discussion was getting serious.

- You guys had four years to practice magic, but I had just one year to catch up with you lots. And yet everyone has expectations from me. I have to prove myself, and I have to do it quickly. Otherwise-

"I may as well turn back to my pitiful muggle life" she thought, but didn't say it out loud.

- I think you proved yourself enough - Sebastian admitted, not without a hint of irritation. - The goblins, the whole business with Anne and... my uncle. You've endured more than any Hogwarts student ever had. You should be proud of yourself.

- Only because I was not alone.

She was staring at him and he understood. He suddenly found his shoes more interesting than everything else in the room.

There had never been a real discussion after the events of the previous year. Perhaps out of fear, or shame, or both, but none of the three ever dared to press the subject. Therefore what she said next was like opening a forbidden box.

- I'm so sorry about your uncle.

He tightened his fists. - Yes, well... I've been living with regret all this time, and it's what I deserve. I haven’t heard from Anne since.

She looked at the ceiling and gripped the dark robe closer. - I won't tell you that with time she will change her mind and forgive you, because I don't know. But I think that it's never too late to redeem yourself.

- But how? - Sebastian asked, hiding a stutter.

- I don't know... Only time will tell.

Sebastian raised his head. He had those afflicted eyes that Allie couldn't stand to see. If she had some way to turn back time, she would do anything to stop Sebastian from casting that damned spell. If there was a dark magic spell that could help rewrite the past, she would cast it with no hesitation.

"What a hypocrite I am."

She suddenly had this urge to get up and hug him, but she obviously couldn't. For multiple reasons.

Sensing her feelings, he simply said, - Thank you, - and that was enough. The two smiled awkwardly at each other. After a while, he spoke again. - I have a question, if you don't mind. Have you been avoiding me lately?

She swallowed. - What makes you think that?

- I don't know... just an impression.

- It is. I would never avoid you.

She didn't mean anything by it, especially because it was a lie, but for some reason such a simple sentence felt like it had a double meaning. Sebastian seemed to grasp it too, and he scratched the back of his neck.

Not much time later, Ominis came back with her clothing and wand. She changed herself with magic as quickly as she could.

- How did you get these in the girl's bathroom? - Sebastian asked warily.

- Let's not get into details.

***

After thanking Ominis multiple times, she left the Undercroft for Potion class, while the other two gathered their things and slowly made their way out.

- What did the two of you do while I was gone?

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. - We talked?

- About what?

- Just small talk.

- Really.

Silence.

- You held her in your arms. And she purred.

Sebastian cheeks flushed and he was glad that Ominis couldn't see.

- Don't you start again, Ominis.

[wondrouswendy]

Why Fictional CaseyWake Is Interesting

Back by popular demand (one person asking me to continue my essay), I will continue promoting my Fictional CaseyWake agenda. The Fictional CaseyWake tiger has escaped its cage (and is doing just fine, if a little tortured).

DISCLAIMER: While some of this post involves media analysis, I am not an expert by any means. I am just a fan interpreting things. Don't take what I say as gospel. Also, I am only working with canon presented to us through the video games.

Further, this post is not to discredit or attack FBI Casey/Alan Wake. This is just my way of explaining why this other version of CaseyWake is interesting to me. Don't come at me with a pitchfork.

As a reminder, this post was made with fun in mind.

With that said, this will be a much longer post than those I usually make, so buckle up buckaroos.

I. What's the Deal With Fictional Casey?

The Casey we meet in the Dark Place in Alan Wake 2 is not the same as FBI Agent Alex Casey. There are certainly parallels between the two men, they of course share the same name, the same face, the same voice, a handful of the exact same dialogue lines, but their perspectives on life, Alan Wake, and everything in between is extremely different.

In Abhi Jha's interview with Sam Lake, Lake describes how he decided to revive his love of hardboiled fiction through the Casey we see in the Dark Place. Alan has received visions he doesn't understand of the real Alex Casey which he has then interpreted and curated into becoming his own character named Alex Casey. At the time of this creation, Alan believes Casey came from his imagination. We later learn in Vision 02 that Alan was receiving visions of the real Alex Casey as his inspiration. In Lake's words, this is "an echo of Casey he has molded... turning the knobs more, going more into that hardboiled inspirations." He is a "fictional character coming to life" who is different than the "actual FBI Agent in Washington with Saga who does have similarities and potential of being pushed in that direction but not quite. More three dimensional. With real worries and all of that."

From this, we can extrapolate that Fictional Casey is an exaggerated version of the real Alex Casey and not necessarily a one for one copy of him. Fictional Casey's worries are therefore extremely different than his source material's worries. They live in two entirely different contexts and have vastly different people around them. FBI Agent Alex Casey had an ex-wife and currently has a partner he has a close relationship with. Fictional Casey essentially only has Alan.

Also, Fictional Alex Casey has a little hair floof whereas FBI Casey does not. Their wardrobes are completely different. FBI Casey prefers coffee as his poison of choice; Fictional Casey prefers whiskey.

II. Tropes of Interest

A. Hatemance/Enemies to Lovers

If you’re looking for a hatemance, the pairing has you covered given the whole “Alan killed Casey off for shock value” situation. There’s sex appeal in that alone, but I also think there’s this tender bond between Alan and his character which I will continue to go through later. Alan calls on Casey for help in the Dark Place later on. Maybe it’s on a subconscious level, but it’s certainly there.

In the QR code videos released by Remedy and added into the remastered version of the game, Alan brings up the importance of his character, Alex Casey several times.

In Vision 01, he describes how the Dark Place tapped into his "unconscious mind." Taking things and twisting them to ultimately create a mystery for him to unravel. He specifically writes, "I needed a detective to guide me. Echoes of Casey haunted me."

From Vision 02, he writes, "I saw visions carried by the ebb and flow of different dream states, they seeped in from the reality beyond, things I had a connection to but also things I couldn't possibly know. I used them in my writing to make it real so the parts that weren't would become so. And there were visions that I knew were not real. Ideas I had lost. Often of Casey. I had written about him for years. I use them as well."

In Initiation 2: Casey from Alan Wake 2, Fictional Casey introduces himself with no aggression. To me, in this scene, he is almost acting like a questgiver, an NPC you'd meet in a game whose purpose is to be the guide for the protagonist. There's no immediate malice. In fact, he sacrifices himself to the monster that threatens them.

Casey, who's supposed to be the hero in the narrative, is killed by the Dark Presence. Alan doesn't protect him. You could argue that Casey's final lines of dialogue in this chapter are a moment in which he's breaking through the narrative, implying that he's tired of being used as cannon fodder to protect Alan and to further him on his quest to escape the Dark Place.

B. The History Between Alan Wake and Fictional Casey

For six books, Alan exclusively wrote Alex Casey's story. I would argue that most authors do not stick with a character as long as this. Authors tend to write trilogies if they stick with one character. Often, authors tend to write a story with a character for the course of one novel and then in their next novel, they may shift that character to the background to let another character take the spotlight (this happens all the time in romance novels, for example).

For Alan to write six books worth of Alex Casey, he must have enjoyed it in some way. Something must have appealed to him. His character, the universe, the mysteries. However, something changed with Alan to cause him to not only kill off his star character, but to then proverbially shit-talk him during an interview with Harry Garrett (though the argument could be made that because this interview is shown in a dream sequence that it isn't necessarily something we can reliably trust happened in the real world; if this has been confirmed to be real canonically, please feel free to tell me).

You could argue that Alan killing off Casey in The Sudden Stop threw his marriage and his life out of control. Alan experiences writer's block because Casey's gone. Now this could simply be because the well of inspiration with real life Casey ran dry, because FBI Agent Casey's life had become warped because of Alan's novels.

Alan spends an undefined time with his character Alex Casey. Six novels worth and then thirteen years in the Dark Place. That's a lot of time together.

C. Hurt/Comfort, Angst, and Whump

Alan hurt Casey, personally. He killed him off. Not once, not twice. Several times. He sacrifices Casey over and over.

Casey's echoes in Alan Wake 2 are familiar to Alan. They guide him along to create suitable plots for his escape attempts.

Even though Alan has hurt Casey so much, Casey can't help but assist him with escaping the Dark Place. Even when Casey begins to question his existence, even when Casey starts breaking the fourth wall, he doesn't

This lends itself to juicy Hurt/Comfort, Angst, and Whump potential.

D. Alan Wake: Dude in Distress

The bodyguard trope. Casey arguably functions as a bodyguard to Alan in the Dark Place. Casey is always there for Alan.

I hear what you're saying. Is it because he has no choice in the narrative? I would argue no. He has a choice. We see moments where Casey questions his state of being, he breaks the fourth wall. He acknowledges his status as a fictional character as Alan leaves Zane's theater. He knows there will always be another case for Casey. he walks off into the night's loving arms and cheekily says, "Roll credits."

In my interpretation, there's a part of Casey that enjoys this life, fucked up as it may be sometimes.

E. Forbidden and Star-Crossed Romance

There is potential for forbidden romance between these two. After all, you aren't supposed to fall in love with your creation. It isn't real in the physical sense.

If Fictional Casey isn't important to Alan, if he isn't a threat, then why does the Dark Presence continue to kill off Casey? Why does it continue to separate them, as it does in Initiation 5 when Scratch takes over Alan's body to shoot Casey? It knows that Casey is Alan's guardian angel in the Dark Place. It knows that Casey has been useful in creating plot points to help Alan figure it out.

Further, there is the potential for no happy endings with these two. Of course, that could be a turn off for some and a delicious morsel for others.

F. Sexual Tension

In culmination, these elements of their relationship create sexual tension between Alan and Casey. There's so much potential in their history for romance. Charged moments in the Dark Place.

One could argue there's a will they/won't they moment in Initiation 5 - Room 665 when Casey is pinning Alan to the alley wall. Freud did say, after all, that gun's have phallic imagery. Take that as you will.

On a more superficial level, Alan can shape his fictional character to be his vision of the ideal man, the ideal partner. Or, conversely, his ideal fling. His ideal hot mess. Maybe Alan's version of the manic pixie dream girl is a hardboiled detective.

III. The Act of Creation as a Form of Love of the Self, the Creative Process, and the Creation Itself

Prepare yourself for a bumpy ride through my philosophizing. Sorry in advance. I'm sure others could dive deeper into these particular subtopics better than I could, but I want to just throw this spaghetti at the wall and pray something sticks.

A. Love of the Self

Loving yourself is hard. It's a platitude to say it, but it's true.

Alan and his character Casey do share some qualities. Depression, alcohol abuse. Often as writers, we do draw inspiration from ourselves to add dimension to our characters. Alan doesn't need to be a hardboiled detective himself to share similarities to his fictional character. Alan is destructive, angry, confused, self-loathing, and dysfunctional all throughout Alan Wake 1 and 2. Much of Alan's worst qualities are in Fictional Alex Casey.

In Initiation 5, as Casey lays dying from Alan/Scratch shooting him, he says,

"I was dead tired. I just wanted it to be over. It was all my fault."

Circling back to Alan's writer's block, arguably Alan being in the Dark Place is Casey's fault to an extent. Something happened to cause Alan to want to quit telling Casey's story. Perhaps if Casey had continued to be a source of inspiration, Alan would have continued writing his books?

Going back further, if Alan had never created Casey, his life could have taken an infinite amount of turns. But because Casey came to life through Alan's writing, because of their history, Casey feels some degree of responsibility for how events in the Dark Place have shaped up.

Continuing, he says,

"...I'd had this dark place in my head for so long. Sometimes I'd forget the pain was there. Like it was the way you were supposed to feel. I was not in a dark place. I was the dark place, the source of it all, the vessel. Me and the writer, we were the same."

Casey's final monologue in this chapter echoes sentiments Alan is experiencing. The overall metaphor of the Dark Place as not necessarily a physical or supernatural realm, but a state of mind. Some days are better than others. Some days, you're used to your pain that it feels natural.

This then relates to Fictional Casey's potential guilt. What broke down between Alan and his character to cause Alan to want to kill him off? Did writing Casey's story leave Alan feeling too depressed? Too gloomy as he tells Harry Garrett? Was it early signs of writer's block? A lack of direction?

Relating back to Alan, Alan and the Dark Place are largely one. He finds out Scratch is him. Scratch is Alan + the Dark Presence. Alan/Scratch has been the one haunting Alice, tormenting her. He is the source of it all.

Thus, there is a recursive relationship where Alan's self-loathing feeds Casey and vice versa.

However, there are positive elements of Alan's character in Fictional Casey and vice versa. Casey solves mysteries, he protects others, even at risk to himself. Alan has goodness inside him, but it is cloaked by his own self-doubt and self-loathing.

Alan so badly wants to be the hero all throughout Alan Wake 1 and 2 to save Alice (from the Dark Place and later Scratch), but he's struggling against his own narrative and the meta narrative at large. Fictional Casey is arguably the idealized hero-fantasy he has for himself, which is later realized when he sacrifices himself. He willingly goes back to the Dark Place to save Saga, her daughter, and FBI Casey from the Dark Place and its jailor, the Dark Presence.

B. Love (and Hatred) of the Creative Process

To quote a great tumblr post for the 100th time, the act of creation is like sticking your hand in a cylinder of irradiated water full of piranhas. At the bottom is a button, that when pressed, will give you the best orgasm of your life. However, the irradiated water is obviously toxic and the piranhas are constantly biting. In short, the act of creating something is a struggle. But when you manage to hit that button...

Ask any writer (and any creative person at large), there's nothing more enjoyable than being inspired and filled with energy. Writing a new story is exciting. It's often why people tend to have a backlog of WIPs, because sometimes creatives are always chasing after the next new rush of endorphins. Sometimes we fall in love with a universe, sometimes it's a character, an idea of ours.

On the other side of the coin, hating the creative process, I'll quote a tweet from one of my favorite Youtube video essayists, "I hate literally every step in the filmmaking process. The only thing I hate more than making a film is not making a film." Similarly, most authors state that the worst thing about the writing process is not writing.

Alan can't write because he has writer's block, and he has writer's block because he killed off his character, and he hates that he isn't creating. See the vicious cycle? He can't psych himself up for whatever new book he was supposedly going to write prior to the events of the first game.

C. Love of the Creation Itself

Even in Alan's nightmares, he has copies of The Sudden Stop stuffed into his car's trunk like that meme about the person who trips and has pictures of their senpai shoved up their sleeves.

Art is subjective. It's tailored to our personal experiences and vision. Alan (and on a meta level, Sam Lake) enjoy hardboiled detective fiction. Alex Casey is the realization of that love come to life.

Understandably, there are elements of this style of relationship which are not equal in power. We see these elements repeatedly with how Alan uses, yes even abuses Fictional Casey to further his own goals.

Yes, you could say that loving your own creation (no matter the medium) is masturbatory. It's self-aggrandizing. But loving something you put time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears just feels good. We as creators have a right to feel proud of our works.

IV. Interesting Parallels

I'm sorry to all my English major friends for the fumbling I'm about to commit with literary analysis.

A. Biblical

It wouldn't be a deep dive analysis if we didn't bring up the Bible. Of course I'm talking about God and Adam. Anyone creating their own original universe with their own original characters is playing God. Alan creates Alex Casey through the divine act of turning his imagination into tangible writing.

Will someone PLEASE draw Alan Wake and Fictional Casey in the vein of Michelangelo's The Creation of Adam already???

B. Literary

John Milton's famous lines from his work Paradise Lost:

Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay To mould Me man? Did I solicit thee From darkness to promote me?

Of course, Paradise Lost is an epic poem about the story of Genesis, but this stanza in particular, spoken by Adam to God can easily be applied to Fictional Casey towards Alan. Casey didn't ask for any of this. He didn't ask to be created, he didn't ask to become Alan's guide in the Dark Place.

I’m a sucker for Frankenstein by Mary Shelley so I regret to inform everyone we're bringing it up.

I think there’s some Frankenstein/His Monster vibes with this flavor of CaseyWake. I think there were moments where Casey resented coming to life, certainly much later on as he lives and dies over and over.

From his dying moments in Initiation 2:

"I remembered dying in this alley in a dream I had. He was just gonna keep killing me here, loop by loop. You're not gonna get what you want. You think you know. You know shit. You don't really wanna know. You're gonna get what's coming to you."

And then from Frankenstein:

"Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded. I was benevolent and good – misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous."

Unlike his real counterpart, Fictional Casey has no one other than Alan. He has no friends, no found family. Arguably, even FBI Casey wants nothing to do with his fictional self. He is completely reliant upon Alan. I suppose you could say we the audience are his only true friend, as we function as voyeurs into his fictional life, much like Alan (but we seem to want to take better care of him than Alan does).

C. Mythological

Pygmalion and Galatea.

The Greek sculptor Pygmalion fell in love with his sculpture of a woman. He asked the goddess Aphrodite if his sculpture could become real, and somehow the goddess of love was like "yeah sure bud." The sculpture, Galatea, comes to life, and they live happily ever after.

(This is the part where I'll make a brief Weird Science shoutout since it's a somewhat similar premise).

V. Conclusion

If you have somehow made it this far, thanks for reading.

There are likely things I've forgotten that I wanted to talk about at some point. Maybe I'll have to make a part two if I end up remembering them.

Hopefully my essay will help inspire others to create fanworks featuring this particular version of CaseyWake. I would love to hear what others think, so please don't hesitate to share your thoughts!!

And finally,

[sgiandubh]

Because

Because a hotel cannot, like ever, throw in a free suite for a day in exchange for above suite - the most expensive on offer, currently, mind you - to be featured in an interview. It's called product placement and it's a very common, basic even, commercial gesture.

Because a picture staged as hell on a bicycle means at least savage sex to a dozen middle-aged idiots fawning on an obscure blog. Mind you, I am no architect and my 3D vision sucks, but I still think there is something very strange about these two pics of the same spot, when you put side by side...

...the real Beach House Suite of The Shutters....

... and the one on BBC's selfie:

Where is the blue carpet? The undercover Shipper Pterodactyl ate it in a fit of rage, perhaps. What is that golden frame rim that is not featured in the regular pic? Why did they move the table where the couch was, given the dining room's layout? To do what? Ease traffic? Are you fucking with me? Why the completely in your face, totally inorganic mess on that table (motorcycle helmet- check, roses in a box -check)? Why is the perspective so bizarre?

Nothing makes sense. But it's a legit fuckation, because *urv said so.

Maybe the key is here, maybe not, but: there are two Beach House Suites in that hotel. With a slightly different layout:

The virtual tour only shows the two-bedroom one, that being said. There is no way to compare and the other has no dining room area, in all fairness. Still, it should have a table of sorts, only a smaller one and proportions would be slightly different, too.

Because likes and follows, for even Montana Trash was resurrected for a like on IG, as we speak. It's been preached before, but once again would not hurt: if a like means sex/love, then I am the biggest whore in town and I am aggressively hitting every single day on all my married male friends, on Facebook.

But sure, go ahead and believe the Impetuous Pirate Ukulele Fanfic. What's next? A Tiki-Hide-and-Seek Adventure?

Barely. It seems BBC is back home. How convenient. Look here, not there.

Onwards.

[edited: I am told, with good reason, that the bizarre perspective is due to the pic being a selfie. It's also very true I am no expert at those. Point taken, of course, and gladly so. But the rest, oh, the whole damn rest stays.]

[royboyfanpage]

roygarth headcanons and motifs?

Okay I wanna just give a disclaimer that I am not a Garth expert, I've only really read him in Titans comics (though I did read Tempest 1996 specifically for this ask), also Roygarth isn't my OTP, I do ship it but it's not something I've thought about in great length, so my apologies if I've gotten Garth's character wrong or if my interpretation of the ship is different to yours/OOC. Also I've not made any in depth ship posts before, I'm more of a passive observer of ships, so apologies if this sucks ass generally.

For it to work in canon, a very strong aspect of it would have to be communication. Roy doesn't always pick up on when he's done something that's upset someone, and Garth can become quite vocally angry if someone upsets/hurts him. I really wish that the progress they'd made in Titans (1999) #16 was expanded on in later comics because I think if they got past that initial barrier of miscommunication they could have such a good relationship. They're actually pretty similar in some ways, they both love very strongly and are fiercly protective of the people they love, but there are differences, too. Roy's very much an immediate reactor in a lot of cases, he reacts immediately when something upsets him and forgives just as fast, whereas Garth can let things fester/build over time and then eventually lash out in a much angrier way, so communication is definitely the most important aspect.

I don't think that they'd ever be the perfect honeymoon couple, there are always gonna be some things about both of them that drive each other insane. I can't see Roy completely dropping all the teasing, and I also can't see Garth suddenly becoming totally okay with it because Roy's explained he's only kidding. However, I do see it becoming more of an exasperation rather than actually pissing him off, and if they were to get closer I could see it becoming more mutual, good-natured teasing. I also think that they'd get better at resolving arguments too, and that they wouldn't escalate as far once a mutual level of trust's been built up. I think Garth kinda has an expectation that people are out to get him sometimes or that they underestimate his worth, so once that's been addressed and Garth's assured that Roy has no ill-will or negativity towards him then he'd be less likely to lash out and more understanding that that's just Roy's way of showing affection.

It's absolutely a slowburn relationship that would take a lot of time to develop. They're not gonna wake up one morning and realise they love each other and should date. I think, if anything, Cerdian would be a really good way for them to actually fall in love with each other (let's say for the sake of this, Cerdian's fine and Garth and Dolphin split up). I think being able to bond over being parents would absolutely open new opportunities for their relationship, and one of the things Roy looks for in a romantic partner is how well they get along with Lian, so another parent would definitely be a good choice of partner for him, especially since Garth already adored Lian even before Cerdian was born and he and Roy had their talk in purgatory. Plus them co-parenting Lian and Cerdian would be adorable.

I still think that the nicknames would persist, but they'd definitely become more terms of affection as they entered a relationship. Maybe not Gill-head specifically since Garth's explicitly stated he doesn't like that one, but other affectionate fish-related ones for sure. Also they'd keep calling each other Speedy and Aqualad affectionately.

Aaand from a more fanon-y perspective, I think Roy'd definitely be the one to initiate much of the physical affection. I 100% see him as a hugger, so I can imagine him just pulling Garth into hugs or dragging him over to the sofa to cuddle. Garth I can see as more of a spontanious kisser. Both of them go bright red whenever the other surprises them with affection. Also they should do the percabeth underwater kiss.

Anyway this is a family

[thelioncourts]

I’m really afraid jacob won’t comeback on season 3 since he only signed for 2 seasons while sam signed for 5 seasons already. What do you think about that? Do you think jacob will extend his contract? I know rolin want to keep louis as the heart of the series but given that in books he was sidelined by anne rice, would jacob stay or chose other projects to have more chance as the lead actor rather than being limited in s3 and future seasons ?

I don't think we have anything to worry about re: Jacob Anderson in regard to the show. I've been seeing a lot of people worrying about it lately, and while I love that people love Jacob enough to be worried (!), I don't know where the fear is coming from, but I do hope that I can maybe alleviate some of those fears. I'm no expert or anything, but here are some things I think are note-worthy:

I want to point out (and I don't have a source on this one. If anyone does have the source, I would greatly appreciate it and will add it) that I've read that Jacob only signs on for a season at a time when he does shows. I've read that he did that with GoT and so it's not surprising that he, so far, is only signed for the first two seasons of IwtV in order to sign on for the first book. But, again, it's a habit, it's a pattern, he has a reason for doing it. It doesn't mean that he won't sign on for more seasons. In fact, I very much feel (like -- so strongly feel) that we will see Jacob on IwtV until its very last episode. Here's why --

“When I read the novel, it was very clear that this was a romance –indicates the showrunner–. And we wanted to tackle it in a big way: overflowing passion, big fights and big reconciliations. A relationship like that may not be the best thing for you in life, but sometimes you just can't control yourself, and that's what happens to Louis and Lestat." Will the show respect the structure of the books, in which Louis disappears and Lestat comes to the fore? “We want to focus on the relationship between the two,” replies the showrunner. That does not mean that they will be together in every scene of every chapter, but when the second season arrives you will have a clearer idea of ​​what will happen to Louis, and even more so in the third, when we adapt Lestat the Vampire [second volume of the saga ]." "We will keep the spirit of the novels and their emotional arcs, but their plots are built in a very different way than what a TV series asks for. Besides, who would want to get rid of an actor like Jacob Anderson? ".

from this Cinemania article

LOUIS’ FUTURE: If the TV series continues beyond the first book and adheres to The Vampire Chronicles storyline, Louis would be relegated to the sidelines as Lestat takes centre stage. O’Byrne says creators are aware of fan fears that the currentBlack-led story is positioned to serve a white hero’s arc. Assuming more seasons come, he says Louis will remain “a force in the show, in some way or another going forward.” “The way we have envisioned the show from a racially diverse perspective is something that will continue to be a priority for us,” says O’Byrne. “Part of that would be trying to keep Louis involved beyond the way he just dips in-and-out of the canon (after) the first book.” Issues around race were prominent in season one and will continue in season two as Louis and Claudia explore Europe, says O’Byrne, teasing that it will touch on “France’s colonial past.“

from this Toronto Star article

"I came back to them and said, 'I don't think it's a horror show, I think it's a gothic romance. I want to write a very excitable, aggressive, toxic, beautiful love story,'" Jones said of pitching the series to AMC. "And they were down for it." Jones also explained that the first season of the series will cover about half of the story in the Interview With the Vampire novel with potential future seasons getting into the rest of the Vampire Chronicles books, the series has already used those additional books to help build out that toxic love story. "Let's see them really go through all the little obstacles and challenges of a relationship," he said. "Like Bogey and Bacall, with some fangs."

from this ComicBook.com article

And from Jacob:

Coming into this in the beginning, I definitely had a fear that I wasn’t going to be accepted because of how Louis is presented in the original novel. It feels really significant to me that I’m included in the way that people think of this story now. From that point of view, it’s lovely. Loustat is something that…I mean, Sam was way more kind of ingratiated into the Anne Rice fandom than I was early on, I’d only read the first two books, which I was very much in love with, but I hadn’t read beyond at that point. But, we were saying, “Loustat.” We were calling them “Loustat” throughout the shoot... A big part of what made this adaptation really great, especially for Black viewers, was that it was color conscious storytelling. A lot of that had to do with it being set in the American South during the time period it was set in. But in the finale, you’re leaving that and leaving that area. Are we still going to explore that aspect of him, of Louis and Blackness, wherever and whenever we end up in season two? I think as it does with all of us, it follows you wherever you go, because we don’t live in a world that is post-racial. Wherever we find Louis, it’s going to be a part of his story. It’s going to be a part of his existence and his daily life. I mean, it is in Dubai, you don’t really see it, but I think there’s something very interesting about this Black man living up in a tower in Dubai. Honestly, I’m not being secretive, I don’t know yet exactly what is going to be explored in season two, but I always find this thing really interesting about European sensibilities at a certain time. Like James Baldwin going over to Paris to escape racism in America. This idea that Paris was this really welcoming place for Black people, particularly African-Americans. It would be interesting to see what we do with that. I think in a lot of cases it wasn’t necessarily true. It just wasn’t as awful as it was in America at that time.

from this InsideHook article

I think there are a lot of things here that give a ton of hope/confirmation of Louis' long-term part in this show.

From a "my personal interpretation of how they're setting up the show," and "my personal interpretation based on what they've said," and "my personal interpretation based on what is smart for a television show trying to stay on the air in a time where shows get cancelled very easily," here's what I'll say:

A lot of the above-mentioned information tells us that when Rolin Jones went into creating this show, he created it with the romance of Lestat and Louis at its center. I've said this before in other asks, but you can't set up a show that focuses primarily on a romance, turn around and get rid of that romance as a central aspect, and expect viewers to keep watching. At this point, viewers are invested in Lestat and Louis. Any post I see about the show not from stans, or overly involved people running blogs and twitter accounts ( :D ) are about the romance and ship of Loustat. It's drawn people in and will continue to do so, especially when season 2 comes around and we see the immensity of Louis' longing for Lestat, his yearning, and the undoubted 2022!Lestat reveal at the end. Audiences will be clamoring to see 2022!Louis and 2022!Lestat reunite. C l a m o r i n g. To not have it would be detrimental tbh.

It's also important to note that they are not doing a direct adaptation of the books. They are doing the spirit of the books, doing certain big arcs of the books, but clearly they are not doing the books themselves word-by-word. All things considered, it's not that hard to put Louis into these plot arcs, especially with how they've already changed things (i.e. Louis and Armand still being together in 2022, the complications of what Daniel being there means, etc.). And, personally, I think the addition of Louis to these plot arcs would vastly improve them, something I've always felt regarding the disappearance of Louis in the books series (by far my biggest Anne Rice criticism/complaint). In these three asks here [x] [x] [x], I've elaborated on my thoughts about the future of Loustat/the idea of Lestat with any of his future partners in the books/etc. and, to add to this, I feel like it's important to note that Lestat's other romantic partners in the books (beyond being part of what some like to call Anne's "anybody but Louis era") are characters like Nicki (who we will see, but who will die), Gabrielle (his mother, to which I don't see the show going too much into given the network and audience and also she abandons him frequently lol), Akasha (who we will see, but it will be non-consensual so it doesn't actually count in regard to romance), Antoine (who is Antoinette in the show and we've seen how not-full-of-love that relationship is and also its end), Gretchen (?????????), Dora (?????????????????), Rowan Mayfair (which Anne has said was one of her biggest regrets and I pray the show doesn't do it), and David Talbot (who I hope never comes to exist in this world and they give some of his storyline to Louis and/or Daniel, as it should have always been). Like there aren't any other characters set up for Lestat to be with other than the love of his life, Louis. I think we should also take note that Jacob is very much acting as though there are long-term intentions of staying. He's been reading all of the books (last I heard, he was on book 8, which is !!! crazy) and I don't feel like he would be reading them without the intention of knowing what he may be expecting in later seasons.

I could keep rambling, but to sum up what I've pulled from articles and my own thoughts, I think the show is going to continue with Sam and Jacob as pure co-leads for the entirety of the show. I think without them both, the show will not succeed and I think the show very much knows that.

[deeptrashwitch]

Some snippets about the past of Origin and a missing friendship.

Alicia sat down beside Oliver, who was reading and making some notes on a little notebook, curious about how much he was doing. She looked a bit through the corner of her eye, reading some of the notes, some in english and some others in different languages. For a second she stood like that, at least until Oliver poked her forehead sith a side smile.

"What is it, girl?" he asked with a raised eyebrow

"Wondering what are you reading, old hag" she said with a sly smile "you're taking so many notes!"

"Just perfecting my knowledge, and looking some things about our latest mission. Mostly because of that question that the Captain gave us"

"Oh? The one about the best approach about that amphibian infiltration?" she asked, with her arms crossed "yeah, that's why that squad called us, wasn't it?"

"Mhmm, a failed infiltration because logistic issues" he muttered closing the book, staring at the huge lamp in front of them "what were you thinking about it?"

Alicia sighed, looking at the sky full of stars with a sigh, then she took out her own notebook. He looked at her in silence, truly curious about her perspective.

"I was going about route through the mountains, mostly because units like us have traing on high mountain" she said showing him her notes "I'm trying to figure out how to lead with the weather and many other factors, because we'd need to part on two squads. And you?"

"Underground, but the logistic of moving soldiers, gunnery and resources through all the goddamned tunnels...it gives me a headache" he murmured with a frown "and also there's the geography, if only we had a cartographer it would be easier"

"Yeah, and also a reconnaissance expert would be useful for that idea"

"I guess, and for yours, maybe a comms expert for the squads"

"True" Alicia muttered before smiling widely, before muttering "and if they try to do anything for us in case we fail, I don't know what I would do"

"I bet you'd stay silent even if they do anything" Oliver said with a scoff and a smile, ruffling her hair "you're just that stubborn"

"I know I'm stubborn, but don't you think you're exaggerating?"

"Absolutely not, I know you, kid"

"...Will you help me when I command this team?"

"That'll be after I do, y'know?"

"You didn't answer"

"Of course I will" he said with a chuckle, looking back to the fire "I can't leave you on your own"

"Deepwater! Guardian! Move your fucking ass!" William called them with harsh voice

"Yes sir!" they answered alarmed as they stood up instantly

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

It's been some weeks but here I am now to respond to your response lol. So first of all, I'm definitely leaning towards nocorro but tbh I have like a few versions of this au in my head, all of which lead Spider down different paths depending on his love interest (or lack thereof) because I feel like each one would bring out something different in his ikran ambitions:

Spider/Neteyam - he fulfills his dream of becoming a racer.

Spider/Lo'ak - he eventually travels all over Pandora to learn everything he can about ikrans, becoming an expert in caring for, training, and riding them.

Spider/Kiri - he becomes an amazing ikran caretaker, focusing his energy on the health and well-being of them.

Spider/Rotxo - he realizes that the na'vi avoid riding the forest ikrans (which I imagine are what would dominate the forests of the Metkayina's islands) because of their size but he is just the right size. This leads to him being the first to utilize the smaller island ikrans with an interesting twist.

Spider/Ao'nung - he actually creates ilu racing in this one lol, it's all part of this storyline in my head where he manages to use his knowledge of both ikran training and human animal training methods to adapt to an ilu style and bond/train an ilu into helping him escape Quaritch. I'll tell you more info in another ask if you want it's a whole thing.

Spider/Tsireya - he paves the way for a new ikran sport: a mash between equestrian trick riding/vaulting, with quite a bit of acrobatics included.

Spider & the Sullies - he becomes their personal trainer, bonding with each individual family member and their ikrans and helping them to make their own marks on the ikran rider community all while helping to heal the distance within the family (among Jake and the boys specifically). I like to think that in this one he bonds with a forest ikran and carves out a place in ikran racing all his own.

And these are all very much active in my mind. I've always loved the idea that just one choice, one source of influence, could change your fate. I like the idea that there's a universe where Spider and Neteyam fall in love and become an ikran racing power couple and I like the idea that there's another universe where Kiri beat Neteyam to the punch and instead Spider focuses on all he can do to care for these amazing creatures, etc.. You can see what parts of him each path brings out.

On another note, some of your hc's will definitely be making an appearance because there were a few that I loved and thought fit so perfectly with what I pictured. I look forward to you seeing which ones stuck with me lol. And I love that others have their own interpretations that they want to write about! It'd be so fun to see what others come up with! Fun fact: I never intended for Spider to become a racer himself, I was vibing with the concept of him being this amazing ikran whisperer who brings a different perspective to the bond between person and animal, but because of the reaction that you and others have had I've added that into my thoughts!

Anyways, I know I work slowly but trust and believe I can't wait to get the next installment out so hang in there! Oh, and I can't believe I forgot to send you a link to my newest fic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48596428

You totally don't have to read it, I'm still not even 100% sure if I like it myself, but idk I've sent you a link before so it'd just feel rude if I didn't now that I've started to? Does that make sense? Another update is that I will in fact be adding on to Follow Me Down to the Peach Tree, which I figured is something you might look forward to :)

~ CherryApollo

Hello icon CherryApollo. I'm so sorry this ask has taken me SO long to respond to, I wanted to read back on our old chats to refresh my memory but just like the nocorro accidentally mated post that an anon asked me to find the other day, I cannot find the posts even though I know it's tagged properly. I don't know if maybe it doesn't show up unless the tag is in the first few tags of the post? Someone send help.

BUT ANYWAYS, we will have to just focus on this. I agree that every Spider love interest just brings out a different side of Spider, which would result in different Spider ikran racing ambitions all around. I find it interesting that he travels in the locorro one, because I've always associated it with Kiri and Spiri. The yearning to explore more of Eywa's creations and to connect with her in different ways, and to meet more Na'vi and to see where and how they live. It's so Kiri to me, just wanting to be more a part of Pandora and see more of Pandora. I don't hate it for Lo'ak though, he's so restless and he is such a fast and adaptive learner when he's invested.

I am OBSESSED with the idea of Spider and a forest ikran, and I'm shocked no one has done it yet. They are! Spider sized!!! It's so perfect! He can fit into smaller spaces and make tighter and faster maneuvers and turns, and I bet him and Neytiri could spend hours seeing how traditional ikran racing could translate to this slightly different creature and style.

OBVIOUSLY I want more info on Spider escaping Quaritch via ilu bonding?? That's amazing, it shakes up the whole story! Would he find Awa'atlu right away or would he end up at a different village first? I have been drawn lately to the Spider escaping and finding the Sully's fic's I've seen around, although I've never seen one get past a few chapters. It's such an interesting concept!

I absolutely adore always when people are inspired by my thoughts, and I think it will be so so fun to see what sticks and what you liked and what you change!!! Please don't worry about working slow, I've been answering slow lately.

AND I SAW YOUR NEWEST FIC, I am so behind on my fic reading but I checked yours out before I posted this. I commented :) and please, it's not rude at all to send me a fic, sometimes I miss them in the shuffle so I appreciate it!

I ALSO HAVE BEEN SO OBSESSED WITH THAT FIC, I'M SO EXCITED THEY'LL BE AN UPDATE. I'll tell you, I have been so stuck on the idea of writing something original in its world. Loosely in its world, I guess, but just a soulmate world where if your soulmate is dead you can see their ghost, but also all the ghosts can all see each other as well. I've been stuck on this idea of a person whose soulmate is a ghost and as a result they're kind of an unattached loner. They are a private investigator who uses their ghost soulmate talking to other ghosts to help solve crimes. I'm thinking that they'll end up with another person whose soulmate is dead that they meet, a sort of vibe where they aren't the others supposed person but maybe things worked out the way it was supposed to in a fucked up way. It's just a weird concept I haven't been able to get rid of that I figured I'd let you know you inspired, lol.

[prettyboykatsuki]

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to write fanfiction but they’ve never written a story before? Like ever. I’m a complete beginner and don’t know where to start it’s overwhelming :/

i thought about this ask a lot trying to give you good advice and kept coming up empty handed kjdssjkj because it feels out of my area of expertise

there is not really a right way to write a story. story writing is like any creative medium where there are rules and regulations but those conventions don't really dictate anything so i don't want to just generically give u that advice.

ALSO IM NOT AN EXPERT!!! JUST A GUY!!!! i have no formal experience in writing... just an insane hobbyist.

im going to try to explain each step in like an approachable way so i dont sound like im giving u an english lesson but just walking u through the thought process of my fic writing.

i think ultimately there r few elements to writing a story that you should think about before starting. and that will help you as try your hand at writing one seriously.

main event, perspective, events leading up and tone.

a lot of people will talk about the 3-act structure for fiction and while it's a good thing to use if you're in need of guidance, not all stories follow that structure. it's a framework limited 2 western media!! eastern media like anime follows a different framework that tends be broken into 4 acts!! and on a personal level i don't really follow any structure when i write sdjkhdskj

the first thing i'd suggest to identify is whats happening. what thing do you want to write about and set as the main event of the story. is it a first kiss? is it a date? is it an argument? what is the Scene you want to write about. there is always a Thing you have in mind. as you get better at writing that Thing can be more vague and conceptual. but for now you will want to pick a concrete Event as the main event of your story.

right now im writing a story about razor and reader. the Event of the story is them having sex from the first time. when you have that event, you want to know what eyes you're seeing that Event from. in my case, i'm writing it from readers point of view. knowing the perspective the story is being told in lets you establish a clearer timeline and the relationship between other characters.

characterization comes in here. it's best to choose a character u feel comfortable writing. if that means writing yourself as reader then do that!! lets say your event isn't sex but a first kiss. you're writing from readers perspective.

this is where u establish exposition. what has led your character to the place we start the story. they want to have their first kiss, but why? is it their first relationship? are they frustrated or embarrassed by the fact they haven't? have they ever gotten close to having it? have their friends brought it up? how do they deal with their feelings and how do they approach this first kiss? all of that makes up like. ur exposition. it leads ur readers into the story u want to tell.

you've written the exposition and now we know the characters perspective. we know what they're thinking, how they're feeling, what has happened to them so far. now we want to know what is going to lead to that kiss. this is the events leading up the Main Event.

again where characterization comes in. is your character the meek type? or are they someone who would be bold? maybe theyre the kind of person to scheme their way into a kiss.

if your character is the meek type, then the events following up to that kiss might require you to write some kind of divine intervention. this is where suspension of disbelief becomes your friend. maybe your character and their partner get locked in a closet together and the tension leads to them kissing. maybe they end up playing a game of spin the bottle with friends and it lands on their partner. maybe they end up under the mistletoe or for some reason one character starts working at a kiss booth. the point is that to get to the kiss, you will have to write some lead-up and that lead up will change based on your characterization.

if your character is the bold type - then maybe they'd just go up to their lover and ask. you could of course stop the story there, but that kind of thing can also be a good place to include conflict. lets say your character asks to kiss and their partner says no. you can write about that mystery. maybe they have to get to the bottom of why they said now and u can write the lead up about that.

or if your character is the kind of person to scheme - how do they try to scheme their way into a kiss? maybe they're the ones who set up the mistle toe, or the kiss booth trying to get their partner to kiss them.

during this process and as you establish these events - you'll also want to make sure your writing is tonally consistent. first kisses are a naturally light-hearted trope. you can make the tone sweet and fluffy by describing the warm butterflies they get with each other. it can also be comedic. you can lean into dramatic irony or humor to make the fic something you can giggle at.

but it doesn't have to be either of these things. you can subvert the trope completely by writing it as angst. maybe your character feels deeply insecure about the lack of intimacy and they have their first kiss in the midst of a terrible argument. you'll want to establish a sort of somber and melancholy mood for the story to be tonally consistent etc.

i know this is A Lot. like a wall of a text. and i know it seems like a lot of things to keep up with - but the most important thing is truly not to overthink it. i gave you a break down of my writing process just to give you somewhere to begin, but writing is a subjective artform and there is no correct way to do it. these things i mentioned can be overwhelming at the start, but they will come naturally to you as you continue to just try at it. the best thing you can do for yourself is just give it a good college try and see what happens

sorry there is so much text but i hope this helps you write your story!!!!

[sweetblossoms]

saw your post abt rapunzel manipulating tim in their convo and god hard agree it Is concerning that so many ppl didn't see it. also crazy to me that ppl are mad at tim and defending rapunzel, saying that they would have taken the book too because tim was being rude etc. to me it seemed that both tim the character and ally the player Wanted to believe that rapunzel wasn't part of the plan and was good but just kind of strange, and both are successfully fooled. tim absolutely fumbles the interaction and ally could have played things better, but rapunzel was so clearly in charge of the conversation, leading him into saying worse and worse things and putting his foot in his mouth while tim was genuinely trying to be nice. tim is awkward and blunt and eccentric with Everyone, it's weird that ppl are saying he was being singularly rude to her or patronizing her or that he deserved to get the book taken. that interaction was clumsy as hell and so many words could have been chosen better but tim so clearly was trying so hard to fix his initial fuck up and be friendly w her in the same weird way he talks to everyone. I don't see how ppl came out of that scene on her side even if tim was a little rude and unfortunate w his word choice, and it's concerning to see ppl being like "ha take that stupid old man!!" abt the book being taken + in defense of a character we met an episode and a half ago and who we have been told outright is an expert at deceiving people. the princesses are so so interesting as characters and the morals going on are complex and that's a whole different conversation, but I feel like no matter whether you love rapunzel or not, ppl should be able to recognize that she was manipulating tim in that moment and taking advantage of his trusting disposition. not trying to start discourse in your ask box ofc!!! I've just seen No One Else express discomfort w rapunzel in that scene

anon this ask has been living in my head rent free since you sent it, i've been stewing over how to respond because y e s. for context, check out this post to save discourse on main (this is about to be a long one of fan critic analysis, get your popcorn and settle in if you wanna read, this is the longest post i've ever made), im gonna put my thoughts and response under a read more, sososo many spoilers under the cut read at your own risk

These were all in the replies and tags and I want to reply to all of them bc they're all worthy of being talked about bc i feel like the majority of the fandom is almost scared to critique?? So like let's talk about it since nobody else seems to be taking this approach from what I can tell (thank you to you anon for being on my side as well as the rest of you who are screaming with me) I will begin by saying that my original post is not critiquing ally the player, or any of the other players. i understand that they were in that dome, filming a session of dungeons and dragons, and improv acting and roleplaying for many hours on end with back to back episodes. i kind of get ally and the rest of the table maybe just wanting to "hope for the best", especially ally as they are quite a "hope for the good in others" type of person. it's frustrating from a viewer perspective sure, but i totally dont blame anyone ever for making a "wrong" or "non-optimal" choice while playing a ttrpg, they just have the misfortune of being filmed while doing so. i myself have made tons of bag fumbles while playing dnd, even when i thought everything through ten times over. so anything i have said or will say forward isn't to put any shouldering on to the people playing these silly storybook characters, like, i Get It

What i do want to critique is the fan response, which is the more worrying one!!! like i said in my original post, i was surprised by my d20 watch buddy having a similar response to ally. the total "oh, maybe she's just quirky bc of the self isolation, maybe she's autism rep" approach. my friend, love her to death, is also one of those "sees the best in others and hope everyone is always aiming to be their best selves" type of person, very similar to ally. i came online after that episode expecting everybody on the fanbase level to be screaming with me in a "i told you so!!" way

instead. i came online and saw people just on the attack and the defense in absolutely skewed ways!! out of NOWHERE, all these fans have come on to post about how "tim was patronizing her, and thats why she stole the book" "wow i would have hated being called girly and honey as well" "wow these conversations really didnt go their way why was tim so mean to her :(" or the opposite of "rapunzel is the evilest person to ever exist bc xyz these princesses are evil villains" or "we need to protect these princesses bc they just didnt know any better uwu"

i feel like, on a fan level, me and you anon (+all these lovely folks in the notes of that post) were the only ones screaming "hold on, that is literally not the same media i just watched"

i've seen before a lot of people be like "wow, media literacy is at an all time low" and i never really understood that until i saw the reactions after that episode. as a fan or viewer watching any media, we have the privilege of seeing more about the media than the people who are creating it. that's the best joy of being a viewer, we get to sit back and spot those foreshadowing moments and bite our nails in suspense when the music goes creepy and see the artwork and overall, we have the privilege of catching vibes that maybe those acting in it do not. this leads to those bonding moments of "i told you so" "wow im biting my nails and pacing" "oh they're gonna REGRET that". and, an "oh my god no no no do not hug her she wants to take your book god now she's feeling you up with her hair she's looking for the book ROLL INITIATIVE!!!!". it leads to glorious moments of ~dramatic irony~, a literary term for literally when something is happening in a story and the readers can catch it, but the protagonist probably didnt bc they're not seeing the full picture. While watching, from my perspective, yeah it was frustrating to watch the player bag fumble turn after turn, but it's a game of dnd, they film so many back to back, they don't get the same experience as us. however.

brennan did a great job at dropping the foreshadowing, to the point of not even so much subtly foreshadowing, he DIRECTLY TOLD THEM rapunzel was a liar and uses her words as knives. like someone pointed out, the players even PAID for that information, with the golden bridle. by the time they met these princesses, they probably knew the most about rapunzel's true nature over all the other princesses, that she uses her charisma to her advantage. the players made their choice to do the diplomatic route, to split up and chat. ally did the right thing for picking rapunzel with tim's 19 charisma stat, it would have been charisma against charisma, and an even playing field for someone they have been explicitly told is a master of words and deceit.

as fans, we've seen these episodes edited and put back to back. clues are lined up in a row. was it frustrating to see ally playing tim in a naïve way? sure. but tim's been pretty naïve this whole time, so you could stack it up to a character choice. what's more frustrating is seeing the responses of viewers being blindsided by the book thieving and chalking it all up to "evil vs good" and rapunzel's choice shaking them to their cores.

by this point in the story, by the time you get to that episode, rapunzel already gave enough bad vibes with the talk of her charismatic deceits and with her hair everywhere spying on them. maybe that last one wasn't explicitly stated, but it was heavily implied to the point of gerard writing the plans on a note instead of wanting them said out loud by elody, a scene that happened way before tim's. by the time we see rapunzel get to the kitchen, she is INSTANTLY catty. someone described her on the post as "eldritch regina george" and. yes. exactly. eldritch regina george. from our privileged spot as a viewer, rapunzel comes in, puts on the fake smile, puts on her fake tone, and says "what are you doing in here? :)". she was already ready to fight timothy. that first sentence was hostile. she was OFFENDED and checking on tim to make sure mother goose wasn't counter-spying. i honestly didnt think that would have to have been explicitly stated, she was in attack mode and plastered the fake smile for a show so that she had the upperhand in the conversation that was about to happen. this is something that fans should have at least caught on to right off the bat, we've been explicitly told that she is fake more than she is honest for the sake of being a "performative person"

the conversation happens, and she starts becoming more verbally hostile. "i dont know, what SHOULD we do hehe. it's ruined now :)" "no use in crying over spilt milk *pours milk with hair on the floor with a smile* oh no :)" "...or if it was on purpose :/ :)" "why dont you go get a mop :)" "i chose to be charming :)"

every sentence she replied with was carefully chosen. as viewers, we can watch brennan's face in full clarity of intimidation. we can have the knowledge that has been provided to not trust rapunzel as she is a charismatic spy who has words for knives. in my opinion, even without those clues before now, her show that she put on in the kitchen should have been enough as is to show that she is acting maliciously and with hostility. the smile is there as to not incite physical violence on tim's part bc then it would make TIM look like the bad guy if he attacked first. by the time she goes in for the hug. im sorry. but ally the player should have caught that, the whole table should have caught that, and-more importantly-the fans should have caught that. we all watched the same thing. we have all been told the same information. to purposefully ignore all of the red flags just to pull a "well tim was kind of mean and patronizing, and rapunzel doesnt have social skills from being locked in a tower, i forgive her, wow i didnt see that coming" is absolutely *batshit*

the lack of people catching on is what concerns me. i've met TONS of people growing up (sorry here, im all for women's wrongs, but mainly cis-girls tbh) who act like rapunzel does. from middle school and high school bullies/mean girls. mean girls at college. from parents or teachers or bosses. from normal adults in my life. they always have the same tone and inflections in the same places. the same faces with the wrinkled nose. the same sickly sweet smile. brennan played rapunzel, a known manipulator, perfectly. to a T. he embodied it fully. people JUST LIKE RAPUNZEL walk amongst us every day. i can guarantee you that even these fans that didnt catch it have met people like rapunzel in their own lives.

rapunzel is a character yes, but she is a character that mimics a masterclass manipulator. she IS the mean girl, the regina george. it leaked out of her every word, tone, and inflection. every single thing told about her and shown was, in no world, some "uwu the sweet bean was locked in a tower and doesnt have social skills". that was her origin, her start point. just like sleeping beauty locked in a castle, snow locked in her coffin. rapunzel directly says "i chose to be charming. :)." she had her origin of no social skills, her sad origin of being locked in isolation in her tower, and said "this is my greatest flaw, so i am going to dedicate my life to improving this skill bc it's what stopping me from achieving my goals." she trained her social skills to be good. too good. so good that she hopes nobody will catch her sweet charming self in the act of malicious intentions. this. was. directly. stated.

it worries me on a psychological level of the fans. yes it shows a lack of media literacy, something is frustrating on a fan-to-fan level. it shows a lack of ability of critical thinking. it shows a lack of ability to participate in dramatic irony, a necessary literary device to instill tension into a horror campaign. but also, and to what is probably my main point in this novel long hot take: it has real world implications. mean girls like rapunzel are a guarantee in life. i'm sorry, but it's true. maybe the person acts differently, maybe they aren't as obvious or more obvious. but these people walk amongst us. they use the same tone and same cadence to their words. these manipulators see what they want, and devise a way to convince the person into giving them what they want. rapunzel did not use the Charm Person spell, or the Friendship spell. She used. her words. like a normal human being. and by doing so, we as the fans were able to catch on and should have had a moment of "RUN GOOSE, RUN AWAY, NO DONT LET HER HUG YOU". but instead, a lot of people turn a blind eye to these manipulators in their lives. they pull a "aw but they have a tragic backstory, they're just confused and need love :/" "they cant be THAT bad..." they see a sweet little smile on the face and an upticked tone of voice, and go "well, they're playing nice, so now i have to play nice bc otherwise im the bad guy here" which!!! you do not!!

this is exactly how manipulators worm their ways in, this is what ALLOWS manipulation to work in its various forms. it's how people get trapped in abusive relationships. it's how people get scammed. on a personal end, i lived a narcissistic manipulator for a long time growing up, and it was exhausting. once you could put down the rose colored glasses and see right through the act, you notice how every inch of their mannerisms are performative. everything they say and do comes with the caveat of them wanting something from you and are trying to butter you up in the meantime. if you catch and call onto it, they IMMEDIATELY turn on you, they sneer and retreat to their next target who it will fool. the cycle continues, the next target is selected.

on a fan level, if we as fans cannot play into dramatic irony as a practice, if we cannot exit our seats of mind to catch on to those "eldritch regina george" quirks at the bud in a piece of fictional media where the puzzle has been handed on a silver platter, then there is a l o t more work to be done on 1) general media literacy 2) ANY fandom perception on media and 3) general awareness of how to spot and deal with manipulators in real life. if you can't catch on to it in a silly fictional ttrpg media, how do you expect to catch on to it in real life? how many of these same fans are trapped in manipulative relationships around them? how many more will they fall for bc of the "oh no but they have tragic backstory so it's forgiven uwu"? as fans, you cant sit there in the same breath saying that tim was condescending to rapunzel and then follow it up with not noticing what was ACTUALLY happening in real time. if you wanna say that rapunzel was ALLOWED to be a manipulator because of her origin, what other manipulators are you defending in your real life? how many of these manipulators continue their tricks BECAUSE they know naïve people exist and will fall for it? how many have been enabled in the same cycle bc it worked on one so it'll work on the next?

i wish i had a fun way to conclude this absolutely massive chunk of fandom critique gibberish, but i just dont. i wish i could find a more comprehensive way to scream about this, so take this post as me SCREAMING about this, anon my dm's are open if we wanna rant some more

[dearweirdme]

Sorry to add my two cents, but this is to go along with your response to some of these anons about stop looking at the details and look at big picture first.

Get to know the individuals before you decide they’re a couple. There’s a lot of content and it’s impossible to really consume it all, and I know a lot of times when people ship, they watch content *for their ship*. My advice is to take the shipping glasses off for a bit. Watch group content: behinds, memories, lives mostly, where they’re a little more free with their actions. Pick a member and just *watch that member*. See how they interact with people, how they express themselves. Don’t just watch ship compilations because sometimes they make big things out of their usual behaviors.

Both Tae and ji kookers love to point out when JK touches the others ass. You watch content, and JK is a known “slapping all my hyungs in the ass” love language expert. Jimin flirts, so much, with most of them. His love language is touch and he shows this often by flinging himself bodily on whoever is closest when he laughs. He respects people’s space but will be draped over those that accept it, usually Tae and JK. And his main form of comforting those two (and some of the others) is that neck touch. (I couldn’t find one of my favorite vmin moments but the live anon linked reminded me of it, where Tae tries to say something but the others are all talking and he eventually goes quiet. Jimin turns to him and touches him gently and says something like “go on, I’m listening.” Jimin is that sort of friend and it warmed my soul because he’s so so caring and considerate.) (Actually, if you watch vmin and jikook there are a lot of similarities.) Tae and Yoongi both have a tendency to quietly see a need and fulfill it without saying anything (passing a water bottle, staying by Joon’s side that one muster, etc).

This is getting long but the point is you can’t really point out what’s special about a relationship if you don’t have some sense of how they relate in the first place. The members all have such beautiful friendships and relationships and you’re really missing out if you only are looking at it through the perspective of a ship and mining for evidence devoid of both the context of the moment and the person as a whole.

Sorry to rant. I have a lot of feelings, clearly. I just find if you’re really getting so concerned about another ship 1) evaluate why it means this much to you and why you’re stressed about it, maybe take a step back and 2) watch more content with more members and appreciate the bonds. There was a time I let aggressive jkkers get to me to a point it was difficult to appreciate their actual bond because I knew what jkkers would see it as, but I took a step back, realized their opinions don’t actually matter and it’s not that important to let it get to me, and watched more source jikook content. They have such a lovely friendship if you can appreciate it without looking at it as a “rival” relationship and separate it from their shippers. No one’s really threatened by vmin because they’re able to do this. Approach jikook the same way.

Lost the plot a little at the end, thank you for reading! Remember guys, if you’re not enjoying yourself and it’s stressing you out, take a step back and take a break. Remember why things made you happy in the first place.

Hi anon!

I love this ask, because that is exactly how it is. It’s exactly why I can be sure of no existing romantic relationship between Jk and Jimin and it’s also why I feel Tae and Jk are real. One of my biggest pet peeves is that some see Jk and Jimin and Tae in such a different light than I do, and I have often felt that some shippers base the characters of all three on their supposed relationship, rather than the other way around. Like.. Jkkrs often see Jk as this dominant, petty, rulebreaking person, while I see so much softness in him. They see Jimin as this submissive, fearful, person who needs Jk to protect him, when Jimin is so strong himself. They see Tae as an attention seeking, not-caring person, when Tae always cares about everyone. No wonder that people get confused about members relationships (platonic or romantic), they don’t even understand the individuals.

[binaural-histolog]

Effectiveness of Inductions

So from what I can tell, experimental hypnosis is not sure that inductions actually do anything. (I originally was looking for evidence that deepeners were effective, but I think they fall under the "induction" uncertainty umbrella.)

The Paradox of Induction says:

In general, experimental evidence for the impact of induction on enhancing responsiveness to suggestions is weak. It appears that induction is neither necessary nor sufficient to enhance responsiveness to suggestions.

The Hypnotic Induction in the Broad Scheme of Hypnosis: A Sociocognitive Perspective says it's complicated:

In this article, we have taken note of the tremendous variability in hypnotic inductions and procedures that render it difficult to draw unambiguous conclusions and interpretations regarding the nature, role, intended purpose, and impact of inductions on hypnotic responding. We now suggest that the problem of disambiguating the induction from other elements of the broader scheme of hypnosis begins even prior to the hypnotic session. More specifically, it is difficult to disentangle the effects of an induction from information provided prior to even starting the hypnosis session in the informed consent procedures in a research context, or in the earliest informal or nonstandardized comments by the hypnotist in a clinical setting. Indeed, how the session is cast (e.g., what is the nature of hypnosis; why is it being used; what is the probability that it will help in a particular circumstance), as well as information about myths and potential risks, may vary widely among hypnosis sessions and studies and exert important and as yet often under-appreciated effects on hypnotic responding.

What Can a Hypnotic Induction Do? says maybe the scales suck:

Optimizing the usefulness of hypnotic inductions may require more systematic analysis of the various kinds of effects they could possibly have. In particular, we have argued that the induction may provide important cues about the expected modes of enacting suggestions and the expected nature of the interpersonal interchange in hypnosis. In addition, the induction may provide meta-suggestions that could enhance subsequent response to hypnotic suggestions, and it may also provide a clear transition to help allow new modes of behavior and new experiences to emerge in hypnosis. Hopefully, these ideas will serve as a framework for further empirical study to evaluate the extent to which the variations in inductions we have discussed actually produce the hypothesized effects. In past research, the specifics of hypnotic inductions may have seemed relatively unimportant because standardized hypnosis scales, as well as much of the research conducted with them, has focused on pass-versus-fail behavioral performance with little attention to variations in underlying mechanisms and phenomenology. Detecting potentially important effects of differences in inductions may require expanded, more detailed measures of the responses to hypnotic suggestions, including the strategies that people adopt in hypnosis and their subjective experiences about what they are doing.

Induction Technique: Beyond Simple Response to Suggestion says maybe the hypnotists suck:

We (Barabasz & Barabasz, 2016) recently noted that throughout our 40+ years in the field, we have observed not only academic researchers but sometimes acclaimed expert clinicians speed through inductions and then offer up suggestions without even a veiled attempt to assure that the participants were experiencing veridical hypnosis. Given such an inadequate induction technique, why would anyone expect to observe little more than what might be wrought by mere suggestion, compliance, and/or social influence without hypnosis?

and

“It is no surprise that inductions carried out by graduate students who may have had little or no training in clinical hypnosis from an academician psychologist who prizes suggestibility over hypnotic responsiveness per se and puts “hypnosis” in quotation marks in their writings obtains nothing more than mere response to suggestion or conscious compliance. No therapist, no matter how clever, can resonate with a patient while attempting to hide disbelief in the reality of the modality they are attempting to use (Newton, 2000).”

Relaxation Versus Fractionation as Hypnotic Deepening: Do They Differ in Physiological Changes? says deepeners do something to the body:

In conclusion, both fractionation and short-term relaxation may be appropriate techniques for deepening hypnosis. The final effect is full hypnosis in both cases. Both techniques seem to be stressing, increasing sympathetic tone. Fractionation is faster but significantly increases peripheral resistance.

Effects of “Deepening” Techniques on Hypnotic Depth and Responding says that it doesn't change hypnotizability though:

The initial analyses (along with the final t test analyses) would indicate that although the surreptitious manipulation of stimuli did result in a significant increase in number of items passed, it did not on the whole produce significant changes in subjective depth reports or realness ratings. This suggests an independence of hypnotic depth and hypnotizability, since the surreptitious stimuli affected pass percents but apparently not subjective depth or realness.

Bowers seems to think that depth correlated with suggestibility, with .79 correlation using initial state reports and suggestions, especially when state reports “were given instantaneously” (p102) which is not what I would have expected.

As per normal, everything is complicated and no-one is really sure.

Realistically, there's no cost to doing inductions and deepeners as usual, but you'd think this would be settled by now.

[evelhak]

🔹2023 Wrap Up🔹

I've never really done an end of the year type of post, but I got inspired somehow. Maybe because this year has been in many ways slower and filled with rest more than any other year in my life so far (which is a good thing), but I started looking back, wondering if I'd really done "anything" this year, and I can see there's still a decent amount of things I've accomplished that are meaningful to me. So, this is almost diary type self-reflection. But I'll post it because I would like to see other people do this type of thing too. ✨

This is mostly work and hobbies related.

Original writing published

Rummuttaja (Drummer)

My third published novel and the first book in my first fantasy series. I'll talk about it more in its own post but it's about an island where people can control earthquakes with music, and musically gifted children are brought up as heroes to be. I spent about half of 2023 editing this book and I'm probably more proud of it than anything else I've published.

Sydäntekniikkaa (Heart Techniques)

A short story, or a novella, with a spin on the innocent girl meets heartless boy trope. Discusses politics, environment, prejudice, ignorance and disability in a fantastical setting. It was published in a steampunk anthology Rautasilmä ja muita steampunk-kertomuksia (Iron eye and other steampunk stories) with three other stories. Here's a drawing of my main character.

A book review I wrote on Sankareita ja shakkinappuloita (Heroes and chess pieces) by Heidi Torn, appeared in a Finnish SFF magazine Kosmoskynä. I very rarely make time to help with this magazine I've subscribed to for many years, so I'm glad I did. The book was about Greek gods in modern day Finland, so as a Percy Jackson fan I was obviously intrigued.

Original works written

2023 wasn't the most active writing year since I spent so much time editing, but I managed to write

about a half of a fantastical murder mystery in a ballet school told from the perspective of seven students with very different views on the school and the people in it

a short story about a magical doll maker student attempting to manipulate another guy to be less full of himself

Editing work

I've just started as one of three editors for a magic school story anthology. It is my first time so I'm learning from the other two who are more experienced and actually have their university degrees in Finnish language which I don't. I was asked along as more of the magic school expert since most of my published work so far is set in them. We are only just starting to go through the submissions since the deadline was the end of the year, so I haven't done much yet but I really love helping other people make the most of their writing, so I'm very excited. ✨

Fan fiction

Words published: 225 239

Words written: 263 315

Not including a few 100 word drabbles, and fake chats which are actually from past fics anyway just in visual form.

My fics were mostly KagaKuro, as they usually are, but I also wrote one AoMomo. My plans for 2024 have more diverse focus characters, though!

Illustration/Graphic design

I got more work for cover design than before this year. I'm still such a newbie on this, but I'm fairly happy with many of them, and I've discovered such passion for this art. Only writing books is more satisfying than getting to be the one to bring out the book's core in a visual form. And some of the authors have really loved the covers and felt like I got them, which of course feels amazing. I always wanted to do my own covers but now that I get to do other people's too I just want to do it more and more.

Drawings/Paintings

This was definitely a KnB heavy year! Which I enjoyed a lot. I didn't do that many original things but I was really happy to get back to traditional art after several years now that I think my digital art skills have improved to pretty much the same level.

Comics

I didn't really complete anything but in June I got about half way through this KagaKuro comic (with female Kuroko) based on my own fic Kuroko's Fairytale.

This is definitely one of the things I want to finish the most in 2024! I felt so high drawing it. It was such a strange experience because female Kuroko was not supposed to be a thing for me... (it was supposed to be just one funky fic that happens in a dream, never to be revisited again, because my brain is so much work it beats itself up about even the most minuscule changes I might like to make on existing characters, like, my brain just has no chill about fiction, everything is death serious, it's fucking annoying even to me) But. BUT. B U T. When I was drawing this comic. Oh. My. God. I have no words for how good it felt. Like, I obviously knew you can experience love on behalf of fictional characters (hello, shipping) but I had never before experienced gender euphoria on behalf of a fictional character. There's no other way to describe it, girl Kuroko absolutely destroyed me in the best of ways. So she's here to stay, I can't push her back anymore.

Anyway, have a sneak peek. I still struggle a lot with consistent anatomy as I have my whole life, but there are a few frames I love already, my favourite probably being the one which is also my icon.

Not that I'm not also in love with stupid prince Kagami, but I was never fighting that so it's a little different.

Books read

Not an especially good reading year in quantity. In quality it was, though. I don't think there was one book that I disliked. My problem these days is that every time I try to take time to read a book, about a half an hour into it my brain goes like... You know what? You could be working on your own writing. But it's also very important for a writer to read, so I have to retrain my brain to stop feeling like it's wasting time when I read.

Total: 29 (or 35 if you count KnB as two volumes each since it's double edition)

New books: 17

Rereads: 12(/18)

Several of these are books I did covers for, and I started a KnB reread to check for ideas I haven't covered in my fics yet, so if you take these "business" reads out of the equation, I didn't read that much for just pleasure. That's something I want to improve in 2024.

The most memorable book was probably The Song of Achilles (a damn difficult read since I saw so many of my own relationships patterns in Patroclus to a painful detail, ugh. And yeah Achilles definitely reminded me of some specific people too. Kind of destroyed all my blissful surrealist separation with this story and made me disillusioned with it, but in the end it might have been good for me).

Fics read

Ok, this is downright shameful to me. I read so little. But go give some love to these fics I've read which were obviously made with love.

Reap What You Sow (one-sided (??) AoMomo) by @vespersposts

summer drabble (Kagami) by cempasuchil_03

Noodle Kiss (KagaKuro) by @myndless88

The Art of Self-Pillage (Haizaki, OC) by @lylakoi

Let's Have a War (Kise, Kasamatsu, OC) by @lylakoi

Tastes of Cinnamon (KagaKuro) by @lilypheria

Nail art

A new hobby for me! I hadn't even owned nail polish before. And couldn't stand long nails either. I have no clue what inspired this, to be honest. I'm very new to it, but here are my favourites.

The text print on blue nails was definitely the most me, but I think I particularly enjoy prints in general. I made the star ones for Christmas.

I bet I've forgotten something obvious but this post is pretty long already and it looks like a pretty good summary. Definitely helped me sort out my thoughts on what I want to do in 2024 and what priorities I should have.

Good luck to everyone on all your future plans. ✨💙

[thebroccolination]

Therapy in Asian Cultures

I think Between Us is giving us an important opportunity to talk about the role of therapy in Asian cultures.

Team and Win would benefit from therapy for a number of reasons (as would everyone! quality therapy access for all! mental health priorities!), but the role of therapy across most—if not all—of Asia is very, very different from the role it plays in places like the U.S. I don’t know if Between Us will have any indication of professional mental health support, but it’s likely there won’t because therapy isn’t as commonly sought in Asian countries.

For those in the States, as an example, it’s become more and more common to seek out professional mental health experts when necessary, and the stigma against doing that has lessened significantly in recent decades. I can’t speak from personal cultural experience about the Asian perspective on mental health since I’m a white European American, but I have anecdotal experience as an immigrant who lived in Japan. Whenever I casually told a Japanese friend or colleague that I was seeing a therapist, they all reacted with kneejerk suspicion or, in a few cases, genuine nervousness. One friend even recoiled like I’d just admitted to burying a corpse under the floorboards. Therapy just isn’t something that’s openly or comfortably discussed in Japan. I didn’t mind talking about my therapy sessions because I spent a lot of time in New York where friends of mine were studying to become therapists and psychologists. But there’s a strong stigma against therapy and mental illness in Japan that keeps a lot of people from talking about it or even seeking the help they need to begin with.

Because of that, the lack of therapy in Thai BL series has never surprised me. It would be great to see that represented, though, so maybe we’ll see it yet.

Also, since my only firsthand information is as an immigrant in Asia, I’d be really interested to read other perspectives on mental health in Asian countries. It may help spread awareness or at least help add nuance to the culture of the characters.

EDIT: Just a note that of course, therapy exists in Japan, and I think perspectives there are changing, but generally speaking the stigma is prevalent. (I just reread the post and wondered if it seemed like I was implying that it’s not there at all.)

[ohbo-ohno]

How do you write fanfiction without going ooc?

Personally I think you're the best cod writer, I'm considering writing some fan fiction but I'm scared the characters arent in character

"best cod writer"??? when i haven't posted in like a month?? oh babe we are getting MARRIED ilysm thank you <3

im actually like fucking terrible at giving advice (i am not a well spoken person lmao) but i can talk At you for a bit about this!!!

grasping a character's voice is actually like. deeply difficult, and it's maaaaybe the thing i struggle with most when writing (or at least one of the things lmao). especially bc literally every single writer has a different voice for every character, so you have to find what works best for your story and your style. your ghost shouldn't look/sound exactly like someone else's ghost, because he's yours, yk?

that also being said - things that are ooc to me aren't necessarily ooc to someone else. the ghost in my mind would never let you call him a cheesy pet name like "sisi", but that doesn't mean that someone else's ghost wouldn't, yk? and to them, they're in character! so you've kinda got to decide what you think being in character is, if that makes any sense

i read a looooot of fanfiction before i started writing my own cod stuff. i've only watched the full campaign once, but i've read what's probably dozens of fics lmao - my ghost and soap are an amalgamation of the things i enjoyed most in other people's fics. think about the things that you love the most in your favorite fics, and see if you can replicate that tone/vibe

i also think that getting a character's Voice is a lot more than just dialogue. i write in either second person or third person limited, but for the sake of this i'll talk a bit about third person limited

if i'm writing smth like i'll eat you whole, im technically writing from johnny's perspective, right? so i don't write his internal monologue in his accent, but i do use certain adjective he would - like instead of describing ghost as "broad" or "hulking", i said he's "a big motherfucker" bc that's how i think johnny would talk. this doesn't matter nearly as much with second person, but letting johnny's voice float into the internal monologue helps keep me in the right headspace for the fic. it's easier for me to maintain his voice if i never really let it go, yknow what i mean?

also i know this sounds sooo stupid but i think a big part of writing in character is literally just thinking "can i see them saying this? would a person like this do this?"

like. okay. ghost is a 6'4 special forces lieutenant who is willing to do literally anything if it means completing his mission. he's a big man with an even bigger reputation. can you see him begging for your forgiveness at the slightest argument? can you see him stuttering on a first date?

and soap is an incredibly accomplished sergeant who's set records in the military, he's a demolitions expert and a skilled sniper with a hell of a temper. can you see him giggling? can you see him crying when his girlfriend is mad at him?

sometimes making sure you're not writing ooc is as simple as "They Would Not Fucking Say That", and as unhelpful as it is, that's literally just based on vibes

is any of that coherent at all?? i genuinely don't know. hope i didn't make things worse! ily!

(also just as general writing advice - practice!!! don't post everything you write!! i cannot tell you how many things i've written will never see the light of day, but all my little failures in writing have given me a better grasp on the characters, yk? you have to do badly and recognize what's bad before you can be super happy with your writing. write something and then focus on exactly what feels off to you, and change only that. idk. maybe im spouting bullshit)

[commentaryvorg]

The Great Ace Attorney Final Trial Commentary: Day 3, Part 3

This is an ongoing mini-commentary covering the final trial of The Great Ace Attorney (Resolve) in line-by-line detail. It’s written from a perspective of already knowing the full truth of things, so there will be spoilers for facts that only get revealed later on in the trial. This is not a commentary to read along with one’s first playthrough!

(The commentary will update on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Check this blog to find any other parts currently posted, and if it’s not yet finished, follow to catch future updates!)

Now that we’re below the readmore, I can add that this isn’t quite a commentary for everything going on in the final trial. It’s focused specifically on Kazuma and what’s going on in his head, only covering things which are relevant to him in some way (for the most part). I already had a lot to say about him in a big analysis post over on my main blog – but I have even more to say about him during the trial in even more detail, so here we are!

We’re past the save point, just after Kazuma’s huge emotional breakdown and without any recess for him to have processed and collected his emotions. But of course he managed to pull himself back together in zero time at all, because Kazuma is nothing if not an expert at bottling things up and appearing Completely Fine.

Kazuma:  “You were there at the time. So you must testify! You have an obligation to tell the truth about what really went on!”

Ghh, Kazuma is still so desperate here. He knows that Mikotoba’s testimony is his only remaining chance to prove that things really were fabricated and his father was innocent.

(He’s probably also feeling some kind of way about the realisation that Mikotoba, his guardian, has had an eyewitness account this whole time that could prove his father’s innocence, and he never talked about any of it to Kazuma. If only Mikotoba had told Kazuma the truth of what really happened to his father… or if only Kazuma had found the courage to confront him about it once he received that letter.)

--- Testimony 4 ---

(As a reminder, I’m using different testimony-numbering to the game’s chapter select, because the chapter select bizarrely treats it as if day 2 and day 3 are one continuous day, when they are not. Add two to these numbers to match those in the chapter select.)

Kazuma:  “No indication…? NOTHING to suggest fabrication?!”

Ugh, Kazuma’s so worked up at the fact that Mikotoba didn’t immediately go “yeah it was totally sus”. Of course he wasn’t going to say that! If the fabrication was that obviously apparent, he would have said something ten years ago, Kazuma!

I’m sure nobody in the judiciary watching this is feeling at all suspicious of the fact that the judge starts chuckling evilly at this. Stronghart, please.

Stronghart:  “You claim the inspector confessed just before his death. But that… THAT is the fabrication!” Kazuma:  “No! He freely acknowledged it! I swear he did!” Stronghart:  “Freely? With the tip of a sword at his throat? The man was clearly at his wits’ end.” Kazuma:  “…!” Stronghart:  “The court will give no credence to this ‘confession’ that was uttered in obvious desperation.”

Whoops. Kazuma is beginning to see just how unhelpful of a plan threatening Gregson was. Stronghart isn’t even trying to argue that Kazuma could be making up what he heard, but simply that Gregson’s confession means nothing when it was given under threat. If Kazuma hadn’t been so desperate as to resort to threats, maybe he’d have more of a leg to stand on here!

For the record, I highly doubt that Gregson only confessed because he was desperate and at his wits’ end at all. Based on his demeanour that we see in the flashback, he seemed barely bothered by Kazuma’s threats – perhaps he would have told Kazuma just as much even if a sword hadn’t been pointed at him. But of course, because the court doesn’t have an actual flashback and only has Kazuma’s word on what happened, it’s very easy for those in the courtroom to imagine that Gregson might have been only confessing out of fear and desperation, simply telling Kazuma what he clearly wanted to hear.

Ryunosuke:  “I have the right to cross-examine every witness after testimony. And I fully intend to exercise that right!” Kazuma:  “Ryunosuke…”

Kazuma is so glad that his friend is this determined. Stronghart was about to declare things closed without a cross-examination, but no, Ryunosuke is going to probe into this further, as much as he possibly can, and Kazuma is so, so thankful for that. He really wouldn’t be able to do any of this without Ryunosuke here.

Ryunosuke:  “You, you couldn’t say?” Mikotoba:  “No, sadly not.” Kazuma:  “But then you couldn’t say there wasn’t any indication either, could you?” Mikotoba:  “……… No, true, I couldn’t.”

Kazuma’s comment comes across as so desperate… but really, it’s exactly what Mikotoba was trying to hint at and hoping to have the opportunity to point out! Mikotoba was strictly ordered to avoid any supposition, but thanks to Kazuma’s insistence, we’re able to establish that Mikotoba wasn’t watching the entire procedure and that fabrication was possible!

Stronghart:  “Genshin Asogi confessed to all of his crimes upon his arrest. He admitted to having taken the lives of all five members of the aristocracy.” Kazuma:  “Argh!”

Kazuma does not enjoy being reminded that his father confessed to all the murders. Why on earth would he have done that? His father wouldn’t lie!

(I have no doubt that Kazuma’s particular insistence on never telling a direct lie comes from principles he learned from his father.)

Gorey:  “…but they did find an amazing piece of evidence. Something unbelievable!” […] Kazuma:  “Come on, Dr Gorey! What was it?”

It’s kind of interesting how Kazuma has to desperately demand this piece of information from Maria, because it’s not in the autopsy report. The report we read in the Court Record only states that “vital evidence” was found in the victim’s stomach, and not what it was. No doubt this vagueness was on purpose of Wilson, so that it would be impossible for anyone reading the autopsy report alone to notice what was contradictory about the evidence, if they didn’t know it was a really pointy ring that should have left abrasions on the throat.

Kazuma:  “M-My father’s ring… was inside the victim’s stomach?”

Kazuma reacts in shock to this, perhaps at the fact that this really does seem to indicate the killer must have been his father. Not only does the autopsy report not state specifically what kind of object the vital evidence was, it doesn’t even explain why it implicated Genshin – that it was one of his belongings. Hearing this here, without any time to think through the details and find the contradiction, it must feel to Kazuma like maybe his father really did do it.

Or, perhaps, he’s simply having a visceral reaction to the fact that one of his father’s precious possessions that he remembers from sixteen years ago was found in such a grisly place.

Mikotoba:  “It wasn’t on his hand, of course. Moreover… there were deep abrasions on his finger where it had been pulled off.” Van Zieks: ……… Mikotoba:  “…They arrested the man there and then, right before my eyes.” Kazuma:  “How could they?!”

Oh, Kazuma. It’s really pretty apparent why they would arrest Genshin, under those circumstances! But he’s just having an instinctive reaction to the image of his father being handcuffed and arrested that Mikotoba’s account has conjured into his head. Guhh, this poor kid who adored his father more than anything. How could they do anything bad to him, how dare they.

Van Zieks’s pointed silence here is also interesting. Perhaps it’s there to imply that he’s beginning to consider the possibility of how Genshin’s ring was really pulled off his finger, if things were in fact a fabrication.

Stronghart:  “After further investigations by Scotland Yard, the man admitted to his crimes.” Kazuma:  “That’s a lie! My father was no killer! Barok van Zieks! It was you! You twisted the truth to suit your purposes!”

Hhhh, Kazuma. This bit comes from pressing van Zieks’s one statement in this testimony, but even then, it comes across as pretty uncalled-for that Kazuma goes from hearing again that his father confessed, right into blaming it all on van Zieks, which is several steps away from the point right now. Kazuma just cannot remotely wrap his head around how or why his father would ever have ended up confessing (it can’t be that he actually did it – but he wouldn’t lie, either), so in his inability to resolve that, his mind just reflexively defaults to the usual no it’s all van Zieks’s fault, it has to be.

(It’s fun how Kazuma is fanatically blaming van Zieks as a deflection from the idea that his father might have been the killer. A very similar kind of deflection is also the reason that van Zieks so furiously latched onto blaming Genshin for his brother’s death, so that he didn’t have to consider the far worse alternate possibility.)

I would say it’s notable that Kazuma’s still very much thinking that it’s van Zieks even though it’s now been suggested that it might actually be Stronghart and a part of him earlier seemed to be recognising the logic of that possibility… but then, this particular thought process of his definitely has absolutely zero logic involved.

Props to Maria for insisting on bringing the ring here so that we can see just how pointy it is, despite that she apparently wasn’t supposed to! She is a good, wanting to do better than her mother did.

Ryunosuke:  “That the ring was never in the victim’s stomach to begin with! It’s entirely feasible that Dr Wilson fabricated that detail about the autopsy!” Kazuma:  “What are you saying?! That Dr Wilson…”

It’s remarkable that Kazuma reacts with surprise here. You’d think, being more desperate than anybody else for the autopsy to have been fabricated, that he’d have already been imagining that Dr Wilson did just that with the ring, and so Ryunosuke asserting as much shouldn’t be surprising to him. But instead, it seems like he’s somehow one step behind Ryunosuke. Perhaps he still is caught up on the notion that his father confessed for some reason and the ring was in the victim’s stomach, and these things are making him subconsciously fear that maybe it was all true, such that he isn’t thinking along the lines of how to prove the fabrication like Ryunosuke is.

Ryunosuke:  “This evidence… right here.” Kazuma:  “That’s the autopsy report!”

Again, Kazuma seems one step behind Ryunosuke – like it never occurred to him to think about how he could possibly prove that the ring wasn’t actually swallowed by Klint.

Mikotoba:  “That’s precisely why I had my doubts about the findings myself ten years ago.” Kazuma:  “Then why didn’t you say something at the time?!”

Oh, Kazuma. Why didn’t Mikotoba, his trusted guardian, stop his father being killed if he had the opportunity to do so after all? Of course he would have tried, Kazuma. Genshin was his friend.

Wilson:  “Doctor Mikotoba, may I remind you… that I have vastly more experience than you.” Mikotoba:  “I’m, I’m terribly sorry.” Wilson:  “I can think of plenty of ways to explain why no injuries would be seen.”

Nonetheless, it’s still tragic that Mikotoba didn’t try harder to protest what he knew was suspicious. He could have challenged Wilson to explain those supposed ways it wouldn’t have left an injury! He could even have presented it not as a challenge, but just as an “I’d like to learn more from your expertise” kind of thing! But alas, that Japanese politeness, and perhaps Mikotoba just being kind of meek in personality, led to him lying down and accepting it even though he knew something was off.

(Genshin, meanwhile, was a determined and stubborn enough person that he’d absolutely have questioned this further if he’d been in Mikotoba’s shoes. But then, Genshin being someone who didn’t bow to his superior telling him “shut up, you’re wrong, I know better than you” when things were suspicious is exactly why he ended up confronting Klint himself and sealing his own fate.)

Kazuma:  “So I was right! Dr Wilson deliberately fabricated the results of the autopsy to implicate my father!”

Oh, Kazuma. Despite being one step behind Ryunosuke just now, as soon as he understands what they’re getting at, of course he’s the first one to jump to insisting that this proves his father was framed.

Van Zieks: “…of Genshin Asogi saving my life.” Kazuma:  “What?! My, my father… saved YOUR life?”

Aaa, of course Kazuma can’t believe the notion that his father would do that. Van Zieks is the monster who would go on to kill him! His father saving such a man is backwards!

Or perhaps, the fact that his father apparently considered van Zieks someone worth protecting suggests to Kazuma that maybe he’s not a monster after all, which goes against everything he’s trying to cling to.

Van Zieks proposes the possibility that the thugs who attacked him that night were actually out to steal Genshin’s ring in order to frame him, and…

Kazuma:  “Objection!” [he slams his bench in anguish] Kazuma:  “You… you pathetic coward… You expect me to believe that you weren’t involved?”

On some level here, Kazuma must be beginning to accept that van Zieks can’t have been. If this really was the one chance the conspirators had to frame Genshin by stealing his ring, and it was done through an apparent attack on van Zieks… of course van Zieks himself wouldn’t have been in on that. And it’s clear from the van Zieks here right now that he genuinely only just realised the significance himself. He’s not making this up. It’s not him, and it never was.

But… Kazuma doesn’t know how to deal with that realisation. He’s been clinging to his hatred of van Zieks for so, so long as the only thing keeping him going throughout his grief. What on earth is he supposed to do with all this pain if he can’t hate the man any more?

Kazuma:  “It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the one who took it. You stole my father’s ring!”

He’s saying this, but there’s none of the fierce conviction and vitriol that there’s always been before now. He just looks lost and desperate, and pleading. It has to be van Zieks, doesn’t it? He needs it to still be van Zieks.

Kazuma:  “You set the whole thing up so you could paint him as a mass murderer and have him arrest—”

Kazuma does a finger-point animation here, but something about the way it’s framed – perhaps something to do with the subtle screen flashes and shakes that there always are (or a lack thereof) – makes it feel like there’s absolutely no force in it this time. He’s just emptily going through the motions, not truly believing in it any more, but he doesn’t know what to do if this isn’t the truth.

Ryunosuke:  “Objection! Kazuma… open your eyes.” Kazuma:  “R-Ryunosuke?” Ryunosuke:  “You must know deep down… The truth can be completely obscured even when your judgement is only slightly clouded. But at the moment… you seem to be floundering through a dense fog.” Kazuma:  “…!”

Ryunosuke has of course known all along that Kazuma’s emotions have been clouding his judgement. (Well, to some extent, though he never quite picked up on just how twisted some of his earlier arguments were.) But it looks like he’s able to see here, based on Kazuma’s demeanour, that he might finally be receptive to being told this! Kazuma very much doesn’t seem to truly believe it’s van Zieks any more, so this is the perfect time for Ryunosuke to reach out to him and try to help him see just how misguided he’s being.

Kazuma’s reaction certainly suggests that he’s listening. From anyone else, he might not have – but this is Ryunosuke, the friend he trusts more than anyone.

Ryunosuke:  “Is that why you were so insistent I should be present in this trial? To see you like this?” Kazuma:  “………”

I strongly suspect that the a lot of the real reason Kazuma insisted on Ryunosuke being here was, on a very not-consciously-acknowledged level, precisely for what he’s doing right now! A part of him always knew that he might have been wrong about van Zieks, and in that event, that buried part of him trusted Ryunosuke to be able to see that and prove van Zieks’s innocence to him – to pull Kazuma off this path of vengeance before it was too late. I like to think that Kazuma’s silence here is him finally letting himself consciously acknowledge that this is what he wanted Ryunosuke here to do.

Meanwhile, Stronghart is chuckling evilly, because Kazuma’s obvious over-emotional desperation is making it very easy to argue that he just made the whole fabrication thing up and missed the obvious “contradiction” in it. Said contradiction being: that Genshin didn’t try to contest the fabrication in court and confessed to the crimes willingly.

Stronghart:  “Your twisted loyalty and clouded judgement are hampering your ability for logical thought.” Kazuma:  “Argh!”

Interestingly, this is the part that Kazuma reacts to most strongly – not the reminder that his father quietly accepted the verdict, but the notion that his emotions have been hindering him. Kazuma really does care in principle about being fair and diligent and logical in his approach to cases, and thanks to Ryunosuke’s words, he’s realising just how horribly far from that he’s been in this trial.

Stronghart:  “There was no fabrication of evidence during the autopsy of his final victim ten years ago!” Ryunosuke:  “AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

And it’s Ryunosuke, not Kazuma, who reacts violently to Stronghart shooting down their argument. He ends up with his head in his hands, despairing, but Kazuma…

Kazuma:  “Objection! Thank you, Ryunosuke. If it wasn’t for your frank words just now… this trial may very well have ended prematurely.”

He’s managed to figure something out, all thanks to Ryunosuke talking him down from his emotions and making him realise he needs to look at things more objectively! They are friends.

I also love how quickly Kazuma’s able to turn himself around like this. There really was always a buried part of him that suspected he was wrong about van Zieks and wanted to do this better, and all it took was his friend talking some sense into him for him to be able to push aside his emotions and act on that more logical side of himself, like he always should have been.

Kazuma:  “You claim that my father’s silence was due to the fact that there was no fabricated evidence. But there’s another possible explanation. You’ve overlooked the possibility that he had a reason for maintaining that silence!”

This is not a line of logic Kazuma would have been able to think through if he’d still been letting his emotions drive him. He truly believes in his father as a paragon of justice and integrity who would never lie, and never engage in any kind of underhanded deals. From that perspective, the question of why his father would ever confess to crimes he didn’t commit just makes his mind short circuit and think about something else.

But if Kazuma approaches this logically, unemotionally, just thinking about why somebody in that position might give a false confession… there is actually a possible reason that he can argue for here. He still doesn’t like to believe that his father would do such a thing, but he’s putting that emotional thought aside for now to focus on the facts.

Van Zieks:  “If the autopsy results were an invention, there’s no conceivable reason why the man wouldn’t have protested!” Kazuma:  “Objection! Oh, those results were an invention alright. There’s no question of that. Or are you forgetting that two people with a connection to that autopsy have been assassinated?”

And look at him being so confident about this! Up until just now, Kazuma was floundering every time Stronghart tried to insist that the fabrication wasn’t real – but now that he’s got his head on straight, he’s able to find the perfect argument as to why it has to have been real. Not one that’s based on his emotional belief in his father’s innocence, but one based on objective facts that he can cite. Look at him go! He’s actually good at this after all!

Kazuma:  “If I force the grievances I feel from my mind… I start to see you in a very different light. I think perhaps it’s you who’s been living in delusion these ten years.”

Look at him empathising with van Zieks! He’s seeing him as a person who’s suffered and had his view of the truth twisted by grief and hatred and denial just like Kazuma has! It really is remarkable how quickly Kazuma was able to turn around and realise this – which just goes to show that there was always a part of him capable of seeing that van Zieks is in fact a human being. It’s just that he’s finally listening to that part of him now, instead of fervently shutting it away.

(Although, really, Kazuma, it’s both of you who’ve been deluded in one way or another for ten years. Acting like it’s only van Zieks and not you after all sure is some projecting.)

Van Zieks:  “M… Me…?”

Oh no, van Zieks, he’s so defensive about this – but of course, there’s always been a buried part of him deep down that suspected it wasn’t actually Genshin, and if it wasn’t Genshin, then it must have been—

Ryunosuke:  “…it led to his escape. An escape that was only possible because he’d been sentenced to death.” Kazuma:  “Although I find it hard to believe my father would have negotiated in that way… the defence is correct.”

Aww, Kazuma. He still does believe in his father and at least wants to mention that fact… but he’s no longer letting it stop him from following the logic of what evidently happened.

Kazuma:  “The prosecution wishes to summon new witnesses to the stand!” Stronghart:  “Witnesses?” Kazuma:  “People who can testify about the jailbreak that took place ten years ago.” Ryunosuke:  “Ah!”

And look at Ryunosuke being surprised – he’s the one who’s one step behind now! Kazuma had already thought all of this through and realised that he was going to have to call these witnesses, probably as soon as he objected earlier. He really is on top of things, finally!