#not about any followers of course in case anyone gets anxious this is about them LMAO its not

[angie-long-legs]

//if you message me asking to rp and I decline pls don't try to guilt trip me! it clearly states on my blog that I am selective and mutuals only. I will always be polite and respectful and I expect the same courtesy, so if you try to make me feel bad not wanting to rp, that's a surefire way to get blocked 🤙

[shiny-jr]

VERY IMPORTANT!

THE EVIDENCE.

This announcement pertains to the recent plagiarism incident that I've been dealing with behind the scenes. This announcement will contain the explanation in the form of a timeline, along with evidence (as much as I can provide given that Tumblr has an image limit) of the plagiarism and interactions, as well as what you can do to help. This post will be the evidence post, and you can find the other post of the interaction here:

Interaction post.

If you choose to help, thank you, and please make sure you read the entirety of the two posts for all the information and as I'd like to set some boundaries.

I'll be trying to word things like a court case, but that's really to calm the jitters and make things sound a bit lighthearted as this is currently making me extremely anxious. Do keep in mind that even if I sound relaxed, I'm really not. This is a serious issue, and the first time I've ever had to deal with this type of problem.

Before I go into details, let me say two things. These are IMPORTANT!

Firstly, and most importantly, I do not want anyone to be harassed over this. It is why I have avoided sharing details entirely thus far, as I understand that I have a large following and I do not want to abuse it. This is why I have tried to deal with the issue in private until now. As a great man once said, "with great power comes great responsibility."

Secondly, should anyone find another work of mine being plagiarized, please, please, please, let me know and do not act without informing me. I want no one's feelings to get hurt, but copying others is NOT OKAY.

The accused: user Christyna and the story In The Right Time.

FIRST EVIDENCE

At first, this was a scene I glossed over. In both stories, the MC is transported to a world based off the Lion King and end up awaken by the character, Ruggie, only to learn that they are the chieftain of the hyenas. The MC travels up a cliffside to meet the neighboring prince, Leona. Of course, I thought this was strangely familiar, but it didn't raise any alarm bells for me.

For reference, I used the first ten or so pages of my story Damnation [ The Hyena Chieftain ]. Which is the beginning portion of the story, until Leona first appears. I compared this the other story, In The Right Time, chapter one: a strange awakening.

However, seeing this similarity, I thought to myself it could've been a strange coincidence. Afterall, if it's based on the Lion King, it could happen. It is a popular franchise, but further evidence proved that it couldn't have just been the odd coincidence.

SECOND EVIDENCE

Here is where I will start to share screenshots, again, when I can since I might be limited by Tumblr. From here on out, all image comparisons will be highlighted in either red or blue. The red will be from In The Right Time, while the blue will be from my story.

In The Right Time, chapter two: intriguing negotiations. Paragraph two, reads the following which I will compare side by side with Damnation. This is a line of dialogue said by Leona in both stories:

THIRD EVIDENCE

FOURTH EVIDENCE

At this point, any thought of coincidence it dashed.

There are too many similarities from the word choice, to the roles, to the thought processes and actions of the MC, everything is far too suspiciously close to have been just a mistake.

Also, what may also be noteworthy, at the very end of this chapter, the accused user leaves a note. Implying that they wrote the story, which if we go by the evidence, seems harder and harder to believe. Here is the note:

FIFTH EVIDENCE

The following can be compared to Damnation: The Hyena Chieftain, roughly about the halfway mark when the MC wakes up as Ruggie alerts them of an intruder. This is a scene where Jack has a lot of time as well, but it's important to note that Jack isn't present in the other story.

This scene about the poisoned water is something that wasn't even in the movie, it was something that I created to fill out more pages for characters such as Jack and Ruggie. That, and along with the cans of food, is another detail that was never in the movie.

SIXTH EVIDENCE

This is a continuation of the last scene. I do think it's important to point out the inspiration I took to create this scene. This was a scene I had struggled with for a while, as I wanted to give Jack Howl some more pages of content.

Until one day, the idea came to me. I based this specific scene on a scene in The Mandalorian, chapter nine: the marshal. Don't believe me? See for yourself. The scene where Din Djarin captures a man outside a fight club. That's what inspired this scene for me. Not sure about the accused though.

After this point, the instances of copied scenes thins to only a few more sparse occurrences that I will present below.

For the moment, I do want to say that I acknowledge the differences, but that doesn't excuse the fact that they have copied numerous scenes thus far. An amount that total to a majority of the first half of Damnation: The Hyena Chieftain.

With that said, I leave another note left by the accuser at the end of chapter seven:

Ah, yes. I imagine copying the story is much easier than actually making your own. Believe me, it's difficult writing your own story. Not sure if you can relate though.

SEVENTH EVIDENCE

Believe it or not, the similarities do not stop at just the end of Damnation: The Hyena Chieftain. They also extend into Damnation: The King of Hearts.

Similarly to how my story Damnation: The King of Hearts starts, the MC wakes up on a bed in royal garbs, confused and disoriented as they recognize the surroundings immediately as that of the setting of Alice In Wonderland. And, like in my story, Riddle is the king that appears out of the blue and lays a heavy accusation.

EIGHTH EVIDENCE

Just like in my story, the plot proceeds to the MC joining Riddle with Trey and Cater in the throne room where a prisoner is presented. A prisoner that failed to capture the protagonist, which I named Ellis after Alice. Unsurprisingly, the other story also has a very similar scene with a prisoner being presented in the throne room and the mention of a protagonist named Ellis.

A name which, by the way, I picked randomly because it sounded a lot like Alice.

EXTRA

That is all the evidence I can present so far, as the story had not been updated. But before I end this point, I would like to show additional screenshots I took of comments I discovered on In The Right Time.

The reason I blocked out these names is because I did not know the users and I don't have their permission to show their usernames. But here you can clearly see the dates during which this brief conversation took place, far before I even knew of the existence of this story.

If you have fully read both this evidence post and interaction post, and you are wondering if there is a way to help, yes, there is.

However, I want to remind everyone that I do not want anyone to spam or send outright hate. That is not what I want nor will it be useful.

If you would like to help, then please report the story and comment discouragement. Especially comment on the story, as I feel that this would be the most efficient method. If you wish to reblog, you may. Again, I stress this, DO NOT send any hate or spam! I am entirely serious on this point. I will block any users I find that are clearly hating or spamming the user on my behalf.

All I want is this to end as quickly as possible, so I can just get back to writing in peace. Please, and thank you for your time.

Where can you find the story and user: Wattpad

The user: kristynaka1

The story: In The Right Time

[megumishousewife]

Best Friends! SatoSugu with Chubby Reader

A/N: Can yall tell I like starting new series without finishing the others?🌚 Megumi with Streamer! Chubby Reader will be out after this! I also did a lil headcanon for the thought of this series so I will insert that as well. But,please enjoy your Geto and Gojo being your close friends that has some...fantasies about you.

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who known you since your middle school days, befriending you the moment Shoko and Utahime introduced you

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who followed the three of you to college because they wanted the group to stick together when in reality, Gojo's father was the dean of the school and Geto's parents are apart of the schoolboard, leaving them in power in case anything goes south with you or anyone that tries to harm you

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who watch your every move because they will fuck up whoever talks about you because you're the most precious thing to walk this earth

Best Friends! Gojo and Geto who placed bets on who would get to fuck you first?

-----------------~Let the story begin~---------------

It's your first year of college and you were just excited to meet new people, try new things and expand your horizons. You were doing this with you four best friends in tow: Utahime, Shoko, Gojo and Geto. After high school, you came out your shell more because you didn't want people to think you were just some girl that was insecure about your body. That was the old Y/N, this new Y/N was bubbly and kind-spirited. For the new school year, you made all your friends come shopping with you for a new wardrobe and of course, they were all proud of your because of how much you changed since middle school.

Gojo and Geto first met you when Shoko introduced you to them in 7th grade. You were very shy and anxious, mainly clinging to Utahime until Shoko approached you one day. Since that interaction with Gojo and Geto, they became intrigued with you and welcomed you to their circle. As the years went by, you started warming up to the two guys, but that didn't mean you didn't receive hate from any of your peers. Girls that were obsessed with any attention from the two boys would call you fat, disgusting and ugly. They would laugh at you and talk about the way you looked in passing.

"Gosh, she looks like a pig," one would say.

"Aww, you made a new name for her! Piggy," the other would giggle back.

They would even go as far as lifting up your shirt, messing with your rolls calling you by that terrible nickname.

Finally, in your first year of high school, Gojo and Geto found out about bullying when they saw you crying in the courtyard, covered in food. You explained to them through your tears that the girl that had been liking Satoru for years, Asami, had poured her lunch on you and called you "trash". You don't know what was awoken in the two, but you saw a version of them that you didn't know that was hidden inside of them.

You didn't know the full details of what happened, but you do recall Asami being escorted off campus as you, Geto, and Gojo passed her. The girl maintained a silent glare at you, but she knew not to hold it too long because Asami could feel the heat of Gojo's and Geto's boiling anger. Since then, you deeply appreciate Satoru and Suguru, but you still have a deep fear of pissing them off.

Fast forward to your first day of college and you're already seeing things in your friend group that you saw in high school: sorority girls began hitting on Gojo and Geto whole you and Shoko went on your merry way. However, the blonde girl and her brunette friend were quickly shooed away once Gojo ended the conversation in the "nicest" possible.

"Can you believe it, Suguru? Those girls are already trying to fling themselves at us."

Geto just chuckled, "It's whatever. We're just new eye candy. Shoko, Y/N, would you like to attend the part with us tonight? It's for the incoming freshmen."

You beamed at them, "Sure, I don't mind! Shoko!..."

Shoko rolled her eyes as she lit her cigarette, "Fine, but you guys have to pay for my hangover food."

--------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, the four of you arrived at the party and you were already excited to get in. You wore a cute and simple black sundress for what you thought would be a chill occasion but it gave Project X vibes. You looked around as frat boys gathered around a table, chugging beer while some sorority girls were giggling at them. Outside the frat house laid drunk partygoers in pool floaties or just naked. You squeezed your way through the crowd, finding Utahime in a corner.

She hugged you and Shoko, "I didn't expect you guys to be here! It's nice to see you guys."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Shoko said sarcastically.

The three of you caught up with Utahime about how school life was treating her and after some time of dancing, you told your two friends that you would split and get you three some drinks. Maneuvering your way into the kitchen, you ended up bumping into a muscular guy, probably a sophmore or a junior .

"Sorry," you scampered over the loud music.

The man smirks at you, "It's okay. What are you drinking tonight, doll?"

The way he called you "doll" sent shives down your spine. It's bad enough he's sexy, but calling you such a sexually charged name made your stomach churn in a good way. He wore a tight fit black shirt, but you can say his muscles were struggling to stay contained. Then he wore gray sweatpants, only leaving your mind to wander. What a dangerous combo, don't even try and talk about his smile with the scar on his lip because you might get KO'ed.

"Three beers is all," you said as calm as possible.

He passed them to you and before leaving, he whispered in your ear.

"Name's Toji Fushiguro. Remember me, doll."

Toji walked back into the crowd, leaving you dumbfounded. You weren't the only one in shock about this situation, Shoko and Utahime saw everything . Their attention wasn't just on what happened either, but they were also looking at Gojo and Geto, shooting daggers at Toji the entire time.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Since you like angst, here’s some light angst.

(Whatever skeletons you want)

S/o startles incredibly easily when people are behind them, seems to get very uncomfortable when people are standing too close behind them or over their shoulder. They will basically always check who it is when they see someone about to walk behind them in their peripheral vision. When the skeleton presses for a bit of information turns out s/o had been stalked and harassed as a minor and never got rid of the discomfort when someone they don’t know gets close behind them, and was never able to get rid of the habit to check who it is every time.

Undertale Sans - He notes that and is always careful to stay in front of you or warn you if he's behind. Sans perfectly understands. He wants you to be comfortable.

Undertale Papyrus - He's going to need a few weeks to adjust as he has a bad habit of sometimes hugging people from behind without a warning. Now he's careful to be vocal when he's here to not startle you, even if there are still some errors when he's excited sometimes. But he's trying to be better!

Underswap Sans - He's a fast walker so you don't have that problem often, but he still tries to remember that when you're walking in narrow streets. He usually apologizes for walking in front of you.

Underswap Papyrus - You're startling him every time you're surprised by him walking behind you lol. He tries to avoid it, but Honey walks very silently and he often forgets about this when he's anxious. You're both scaring each other lol. He tries to be better, but he feels safer walking behind people in crowded places, so he's not comfortable walking ahead of you. You're going to need to find an in-between way of doing this.

Underfell Sans - He feels bad after you explain this because he kinda thought you were just jumpy and had fun scaring you randomly. He tries to not do it now, even though the temptation is really high. He tries to walk ahead when he can now.

Underfell Papyrus - He's careful to walk by your side so you feel safe with him protecting you. He won't hesitate either to growl if people are following you, staring at them angrily until they cross the road and leave you alone.

Horrortale Sans - That's something that makes him very uncomfortable too, so he perfectly understands. He's a bit protective when you two are outside and he stops to let people pass you when they're too close behind to the point even him starts to feel unsafe. He distracts you with his purring as well when there's no way to escape, so you don't think too much about it.

Horrortale Papyrus - He tends to be very silent when he's walking around the house, so he bought a necklace with a bell so you know when he's behind you (or where to find him in the house, it can do both!). Sure, it doesn't help people to not stare at him outside, but if it can help you to feel more comfortable, it's fine!

Swapfell Sans - He can perfectly understand that since he was completely paranoid as a general Underground and had the same defense mechanisms. He can show you a few ways he learned to overpass this though. If you want help with that, of course.

Swapfell Papyrus - It's fine as he's not exactly discreet when he's walking around, so you more or less know where he is. He even wears bright pink sweaters now so that when you're looking behind, you immediately notice the flashy color that immediately burns your eyes and so you know it's him. He tends to make other people uncomfortable so it's rare anyone else walks behind you.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He holds your hand when you two are outside, this way you know he's there and that no one will hurt you because he will hurt the thing that wants to hurt you first. Sometimes, he's wearing a large cloak too, so you can feel the tissue on your legs when he's walking and knows he's there to watch over your back in case of any danger.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Well, if you carry him on your back, you won't see what's behind, right? He's not saying that so you carry him or anything. Well, ok, maybe he's saying that so you carry him. But that's because you said some people can follow you sometimes and be mean and now he's just a little scared? But if you carry him, for sure, he won't be scared anymore.

[mauselet]

The Influencer - And All Is Not Fine

This story is for @ask-the-rag-dolly's blog, specifically The Influencer AU. Honestly, loving the blog so much. Huge thanks to Mod Bee for creating it and if you haven't already, go check out her blog.

Big thanks to WanderingDragon and Foolscap Hamato for helping with the fic.

Yes, the story is named after Entropy by Awkward Marina lyrics. Also, the anon/s that speak in orange and red, you got a reference in there cause it felt fitting.

Well, I really hope you enjoy this story!

Story includes: Ragatha X Pomni (but can be taken as platonically), angst, hurt/comfort

TW body horror, possessive behavior, possession, anxiety/panic attack, haphephobia/fear of being touched, questioning sanity, self-neglect

It's been a few weeks since Pomni found out that there were currently hundreds of voices inside Ragatha's head. Wow, and after all this time it didn't sound any less insane. From what Pomni understood, those voices were a virus that had infected the circus and latched onto Ragatha. They couldn't tell Caine about this because he'd likely kill them and Ragatha refused that. For some reason, she wanted to protect them which seemed even crazier than the whole situation. Some of them were friendly, sure, but others…

They attacked Jax, causing him to glitch out. They taunted Ragatha by plaguing her mind with the worst cases imaginable or calling her names or taking her too literally. They spawned that stupid paper shredder!

Oh, how Pomni hated that thing! The next time she sees one, she’ll personally smash it into pieces.

In short, the voices–all of them–stressed Ragatha out. And who could blame her? Sometimes even your own voice in your head can drive you mad. Pomni was actually impressed that the doll hadn’t reached her breaking point yet with these “anons”, as they called themselves, constantly following her.

Of course, it wasn’t all that bad. Sure, they led to Ragatha temporarily losing her arm, but it was also thanks to them that she worked up the courage to speak to Pomni again. The thought of that always brought a smile to the jester’s face.

She was glad she could talk to her. Not only because Ragatha was nice and overall pleasant to be around, but it was also good for the ragdoll; especially now that she avoided the other circus performers to prevent another Jax fiasco or a possible infection.

The redhead’s absence was noticed by the others and to Pomni’s surprise, they were concerned about her. When Pomni first arrived, she was too busy spiraling down her anxiety to see it, but these trapped souls were friends. They cared about one another, even if it’d be in their own strange ways. So Pomni decided to reassure them all with daily reports on how Ragatha was doing.

And that was usually the extent of her interactions with them. Until Caine’s adventures forced her to stick around the whole day. Sometimes she was able to avoid them, however, there were times when she just couldn’t no matter how hard she tried. Unfortunately for her, adventures like these stacked over the course of the last few days, making it basically impossible for Pomni to check on Ragatha.

By the third or fourth day, Pomni was getting anxious. Throughout the adventure, her fingers were constantly convulsing while stuck in an unnatural position, her eyes turned into scribbles and her thoughts were as far away from the game as possible.

Ragatha must’ve been lonely. It’s been days since she’s interacted with anyone. Well…since she’s interacted with someone who meant no harm to her. Hopefully, she was alright…

Pomni suddenly jerked and snapped out of her thoughts as a gloved hand waved in front of her eyes. Her head shot up and she saw Kinger, Zooble and Gangle who announced to her that they found a way to replace her in today’s adventure and that she could go see Ragatha. If she had to be honest, she didn’t even know what the adventure was, but if she really wasn’t needed there…

She gave the three of them a quick smile and dashed to Ragatha’s room as fast as her short legs could carry her. As soon as she arrived and caught her breath, she rang the bell, waiting and…

Waiting.

Pomni felt a pit in her stomach. No, no, no. She shook her head. Everything’s fine, it’s just taking a bit. She rang again.

“R-Ragatha? It’s me, Pomni. A-are you in there?”

But she was still left waiting.

“Ragatha!” she raised her voice, yet still no response.

Oh God, three days… Three whole days with nothing but those voices. That must’ve been a nightmare for the doll and Pomni left her dealing with that alone. She left her again…

“I’m coming in!” she announced and reached for the doorknob. Her body froze as she held it, overwhelmed by worried thoughts, but also by a sense of déjà vu. She chuckled darkly at the memory of desperately wanting to know what was behind a door she shouldn’t go through and then opened.

A wave of relief washed over Pomni as she wasn’t instantly met with a glitching blob with a thousand glowing eyeballs. She walked in and closed the door behind her.

She looked around the room and her heart skipped a beat. Ragatha was there, sitting on her bed, sewing what appeared to be a suit. She was so focused on her work; maybe that's why she didn't register the bell. Pomni can't actually remember if she'd ever seen her this focused, but she looked surprisingly calm and, the jester had to admit, quite pretty. 

“Um…Ragatha?” the short woman started, walking over, “I'm sorry for barging in, I was just worried when you didn't answer.” But the ragdoll didn't respond; it was as if she didn’t even notice that Pomni was in the room talking to her.

Was she ignoring her? Was she mad? Did she…hate her? All of those thoughts sounded really ridiculous considering that this was Ragatha we were talking about. She doesn’t even allow herself to hate Jax, someone who’s caused more than enough harm to her, so there is no way she’d ever hate Pomni. Right…? Yet all those thoughts, as unrealistic as they might’ve seemed, felt like real possibilities to Pomni.

Somehow despite Jax putting her worst fear in her room, voices constantly screaming at her and hurting her and Caine forcing her into some of the most dangerous scenarios, not being there for her seemed like the biggest crime of them all.

Well, there was only one way to fix it.

“I’m so sorry I took so long,” Pomni let out, her steps slowing down, “I tried to check on you, but Caine’s adventures-”

“Oh, it’s alright, dear,” hearing that gentle voice, Pomni stopped. It was nice hearing her again, but something felt off. Sure, Ragatha occasionally used pet names like hun or sweetheart or even dear–oh geez, Pomni felt her cheeks heating up just thinking about it—that wasn’t the issue. She sounded more nonchalant than reassuring.

That didn’t matter right now. She wasn’t mad and that brought a smile to Pomni’s face. However, that didn’t last long as the doll finally raised her head.

Pomni’s face turned paler than usual if it was even possible, the pinwheel eyes shrunk, making them nearly invisible and her smile vanished as if it was never there.

Oh %$!#... Oh %$!#! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! This wasn’t… This couldn’t have been real!

She wasn’t just staring at a black void with two colorful eyes where Ragatha’s button was supposed to be. She wasn’t just witnessing her friend slowly abstracting in front of her! She wasn’t… She wasn’t…

This wasn’t real!

It… It was just one of the digital hallucinations that Caine mentioned. Yeah! That’s it! That’s…That’s what it…was…

But those eyes, that void, they were still there, no matter how much Pomni convinced herself about the opposite.

Caine. She had to go get Caine! As Ragatha said once, maybe there was still time to fix this.

“Stay here!” Pomni blurted out, “I’ll be right back!” She quickly turned around and ran to the door. She’s going to come back this time. This time she won’t let Ragatha suffer.

She reached for the doorknob, but before she could grab it, arms wrapped around her and she was pulled back. One of the arms held her abdomen while the other was around her neck, not too tight yet still uncomfortable.

Feeling the fabric arms against her skin made her dizzy and itchy. She could sense every single pixel touching her, causing goosebumps to spread over her body.

“Where are you going, dear~?” she heard a whisper in her ear. It was Ragatha’s gentle, calming voice- No. It sounded different and…wrong. The voice was demanding and rough.

Pomni’s breath hitched. Was really something wrong with Ragatha? Or was her mind just messing with her? Well, the physical contact didn’t exactly help her think clearly as her body was plagued with this disgusting sensation.

“Don’t leave me~” For whatever reason, those words made the black-haired woman sick.

The doll’s embrace tightened. The touch of the fabric felt so venomous and paralyzing. It felt sickening. It felt wrong.

The jester wanted to escape that trap. She needed to escape it, yet no matter how much the voice in her head screamed at her body to move, it wouldn’t budge an inch. She was frozen in such a predicament with nothing but her racing heart, uneven breath, and voice stuck in her throat.

She attempted to take a deep breath, only to leave herself coughing.

“Are you alright, dear?” That voice again. It made shivers run down Pomni’s spine.

She sucked in another breath and let out a very weak and broken “Ragatha”. She repeated this a few times until she made a sensible sentence: “Ragatha… Please, let go…”

“Let go?” the doll wondered innocently, “why would I do that?”

“Please…” the jester mouthed.

“It’s not like I want to hurt you.” The grip tightened even more. “I would never hurt you. I would never-” The taller woman went silent. She felt the pale jester in her arms trembling and her heart dropped.

“Pomni…” Ragatha let out softly and her embrace loosened, “y-you’re shaking…” Rather than talking to Pomni, however, she seemed to have told it to herself. Reminding it to herself as if just physically feeling it wasn't enough to make it sink in. 

Even some of the voices were yelling at her to let go while the others objected. Was it the good or bad ones? What even made them good or bad? Were there even any bad voices? Were there even any good voices?

The voices that objected weren’t yelling, but whispering yet they were somehow much louder than the yells.

“Don’t listen to them–” “You can’t let go–” “You can–!” “She’ll find Caine and tell him about us–” “She wouldn’t–” “It’s too great of a risk–!” “If Caine finds out about us, we’ll be–” “What would happen to Rags–?”

“Ragatha, don’t you care about us? Don’t you care about what happens to you?!”

She flinched, instinctively tensing her hold on Pomni. In no way did she help the situation, with the jester’s body convulsing out of control.

“What is it, dolly? Are we too much for you to handle? Are we too loud? Can you even tell the difference between us and your own thoughts? Is there even a difference at this point?”

Oh God, her knees felt weak, her head was spinning, and tears filled her eye. She felt like she was about to collapse at any moment, but there was something forcing her to stand. Something kept her body like this against her will despite her exhaustion.

“Oh, dollface, do you feel the abstraction crawling under your skin? Or well, fabric? Did we do it? Did we f̴i̷n̴a̵l̸l̴y̸ ̶b̷r̸e̶a̵k̷ ̶y̷o̴u̵?̸”

All the voices then started shouting over one another again. Ragatha couldn’t even make out what they were saying as it all blended into an incoherent mess. With so much noise in her head, she wanted to join them. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs; let out all her frustration not just with the voices, but with her whole body. It would be a beautiful relief, but even that was a luxury. Her body wouldn’t let her. They wouldn’t let her.

She’d swear that in the middle of all the noise she heard things that made her want to throw up. She hoped that it was just her imagination and her brain tried to give those noises some meaning, however… That would mean it was her own thoughts and that creeped her out even more. Strangely, some of those words weren’t anything bad, they were just…words. Yet they all sounded so disgusting. So wrong. Every last one of them.

Every last one…

Every last–

“Please…” One voice silenced all of them despite how weak and broken it was. No… No, it was loud and clear. It was…real.

It hit her like a truck. Everything that just happened in the span of a few minutes. How Pomni walked into the room, apologizing. How terrified the jester was when she saw her. How she stopped her when she tried to leave. How she was holding her this whole time despite the pain she was clearly causing Pomni.

Ragatha jumped back, letting go of the jester, allowing her to collapse to her knees. The small woman was sitting there, swinging back and forth, hyperventilating. She reached her hands to her arms as if to brace herself, but she didn’t touch. Instead, she grabbed her hat and pulled, her eyes shut. The bells one would associate with joy and fun now sounded distorted to both of the performers. The bells were… unnerving.

“Oh my gosh…” Ragatha let out as it all sank in. She covered her mouth and a tear ran down her face as she stared down at the black-haired woman. Her heart was breaking at the sight. “Oh my gosh…”

She did this… No, no, no. The voices did. Right…? She…She wasn’t in control, was she?

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” she mumbled, although, she wasn’t sure if Pomni could even hear her, “I-I lost control of them.” She cried more. “I messed up. Ragatha, you idiot… You %$!# idiot! You scared her. You hurt her! Why would I…? I would never-”

She felt tears rolling down her right cheek too, but that wasn’t possible. She wiped the tears with her hand and when she looked at it, her fingertips were covered by dark liquid.

Her heart stopped, realizing what that was. The dark void was leaking. The voices were right…

The bells on Pomni’s head rang again, causing Ragatha to snap out of those thoughts. There was something more important she had to do than pity herself. Her emotions could wait. Her abstraction could wait! She didn’t matter right now. She didn’t matter at all! Pomni did.

Despite her own breakdown, she rushed over to the jester, kneeling in front of her. She was in tears, barely thinking straight, potentially on the verge of abstracting, but Pomni mattered more.

Ragatha reached her hand towards the pale woman but flinched when she realized it wasn’t the brightest idea considering what caused this in the first place. She instead laid her hands on her own knees so Pomni could see them.

“Hey, Pomni?” she spoke up, her voice trembling. That sure was reassuring…

C’mon, Ragatha! Get a hold of yourself! Pomni needs you! Don’t freak her out.

She took a deep breath and ran her hand through her yarn, brushing it over her right eye to hide it. She curled her hands into fists and calmed her breath before speaking.

“Pomni, hun?” She was doing her best to keep her voice stable this time. “Look at me, please. Hun, look at me.” Pomni cringed, her body still going back and forth. “It’s okay, it’s just me. The real me, I promise,” Ragatha continued, “I just need you to look at me.” The big eyes slowly opened, showing scribbles, and looked up. “That’s it.” Ragatha smiled at her brightly. “Good job, sweetheart. Good job.”

The smaller woman was still trembling, still pulling at her hat, still swinging back and forth, still not controlling her breath. 

“Alright, dear-”

Pomni flinched at that, tears streaming down her face as she looked away. 

“O-okay! Okay,” Ragatha said in an unintentional panic. She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. I won't call you that again, I promise. I promise. You’re safe now.”

Still in tears, the jester stopped pulling at her hat, yet the bells kept ringing. Each sob was accompanied by a happy metallic chime as her body jerked. Ragatha had to admit that it made her wails quite adorable and each little jingle seemingly made a voice in her head disappear each time. But she wished more than anything that they'd stop.

“Pomni?” Ragatha knew she had to keep trying. “Hey, Pompom, hun… Can you look at me again?”

The smaller woman didn't seem to listen. She then choked on her sobs as they didn't mix well with her rapid breathing. Seeing this, some of the voices panicked, but Ragatha had to stay calm. She instinctively lifted her hand from her knee, however, thankfully stopped herself from touching Pomni. 

“Please?” the ragdoll’s soothing voice asked and Pomni couldn't deny it. The black-haired woman turned to her, scribbles in her bloodshot eyes. 

“Good job.” A smile of relief and reassurance formed on Ragatha's face. “Now, honey, you're having another episode, but that's okay. It's okay, I'll help you through it. I’m not going anywhere. We'll get through it  together, okay?”

Pomni nodded slowly, choking on her sobs again. 

“I need you to breathe with me,” Ragatha told her, “four seconds in, hold and six out. Four, hold, six.” She waited for Pomni to nod again before she took a deep breath that the jester immediately followed, yet struggling. They held their breath, but sniffles broke them. Then they exhaled together. 

“Now, let's try again.”

And as Ragatha said, they did. Breathing was much easier for Pomni this time around. 

“You're doing great,” the redhead praised her, “are you able to go on your own?” She watched as Pomni nodded and took another deep breath with her eyes shut. “Good, keep going. You’re safe, hun. Focus on me, okay?”

When Pomni opened her eyes again, they were back to their pinwheel look. Ragatha also noticed that she stopped shaking and the swinging slowed down. Her smile widened in relief.

She kept talking to Pomni while the jester calmed her breath. They were like this for a few more minutes until…

“R-Ragatha…?” Pomni finally spoke up and the ragdoll gasped quietly.

“Welcome back, sweetheart,” Ragatha greeted her, “you feeling any better?”

“A little…” Pomni’s voice was still pretty weak, but she had much more to say. She held her hands together, rubbing her thumb with the other. “But I should be the one asking you.”

“What are you talking about?” Ragatha shook her head. “I just helped you through a panic attack-”

“And I’m forever grateful for that,” the jester blurted out, “but, Ragatha… You’re on the verge of abstracting!” They both flinched at the yell and Ragatha covered the black void on her face despite being hidden behind the hair. “And it’s all because of me.” Pomni shifted her eyes away. “Because I left you when you needed me. Again!”

“Pomni, you can’t blame yourself for that. It wasn’t your fault.”

“‘Can’t blame yourself?’ You’re the one to talk,” the pale woman scuffed. She then took a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“No, you have all the right to call me out.”

“Did it happen because of… them?” Pomni glanced at the taller woman, her eyes narrowing at the last word.

“I think so,” Ragatha replied and noticed Pomni inhaling to speak, but she quickly interrupted her, “that’s why you can’t tell Caine.”

“But, Rag-”

“You promised.”

“And you said you wanted this to stop,” Pomni reminded her, raising her voice, “I understand you don’t want them to die, but think about what they’re doing to you. Stress? Mental breakdowns? Abstraction?!” The doll lowered her head in shame. “Rags, you’re suffering and I can’t bear to watch. You care about the people around you and I appreciate that, but for once in this digital life think about yourself first.”

“No need to worry, darling,” Ragatha said calmly, looking up with a bright smile as if the topic was just a casual small talk, “the anons are actually what keeps me from abstracting, otherwise I’d be in the cellar by now.” Pomni cringed at every word due to how cheerfully the doll said them. “We’re also really, really sorry for touching you. We were so afraid of you telling Caine that we had to stop you somehow. Sorry we hurt you.”

Pomni was just staring at her, an unsure expression painted on her face. This all felt wrong and Ragatha’s next words didn’t ease that feeling.

“I’m fine, really. I’m sure that I can join in on the adventures again soon.”

No, that wasn’t right. She just said she’s afraid of Caine finding out, why does she suddenly want to take part in his adventures? And that wasn’t the only thing off.

“What happened to staying in your room to prevent infecting people with the virus?” Pomni wondered, “don’t get me wrong, the others would be happy to see you and they’re definitely worried about you. Heck, Zooble, Gangle and Kinger helped me get out of an adventure to check up on you; it’s just…”

“You’ve been spending so much time with me and you’re not influenced,” Ragatha pointed out.

Well, Pomni couldn’t argue with that. There were still many other issues with this seemingly spontaneous idea, but the more she thought about them the less sense her reasoning as to why they were even issues made. It was as if her mind was getting blurrier the more she tried to use her brain. She must’ve been tired from her previous meltdown.

“I guess you have a point.” She let out a sigh and smiled at the woman softly, but then… Did Ragatha have that wide grin on her face before? That didn’t matter right now; she needed some rest.

“Look, I know I haven’t been here in a while, but I should really go into my room and take a nap,” she explained.

“Oh, no worries, d̶e̶a̸r̴,” Ragatha replied, “have a nice sleep.”

“I’ll try. Thanks.” Pomni stood up and headed to the door. She grabbed the doorknob and turned back. “And I mean it, try thinking about yourself. It isn’t hard to care about you; me and at least three other people can agree on that.” Her smile widened as she opened the door. “And Ragatha? …I… Thank you for helping me through the attack, I really appreciate it. You’re a great friend.”

She then closed the door and stayed in the room. 

She originally planned on finding Caine the moment she was outside. She was well aware that Ragatha didn't want that, however, Pomni was willing to do anything to help her stop hurting. She didn't care if Ragatha hated her for it–she was sure she would–she just wanted her friend to be safe.

But as much as she wanted that, she couldn't bring her body to go through with it. It was as if it didn't obey her. 

“Don't leave me,” she remembered the doll's words. No, it wasn't a memory; it felt like someone just whispered in her ear. 

That's crazy. It was just her imagination. Nothing else. 

“Pomni, please. Don't leave,” Ragatha's voice begged her. It sounded so real. But there was no way Ragatha's whispers could reach her, right?

The more she thought about it, the more her mind was filled with white noise, static. And the longer that went on, the more that noise made sense to her as if it spoke to her. 

“I'm scared,” one noise was much louder. Ragatha's voice.

Pomni's not leaving her again.

She let go of the doorknob and turned around to see the ragdoll still sitting on her knees, showing Pomni her back. 

“Actually, can I stay here?” the jester asked, “I don't want you to be alone and…I'd also feel more comfortable with some company.”

“Why of course,” the doll replied, the huge grin remaining on her face. She got up and headed over to her bed. Reaching into her hair, she pulled out her bow and used it to tie her hair up in a ponytail.

“You can take a nap in my bed,” she said. 

“Oh.” Pomni blushed a little, not only at the offer but also due to the redhead’s sudden hairdo change. Whatever it was, it had some strong influence on Pomni. "Thanks."

Once at her bed, Ragatha picked up the suit she was working on when Pomni first walked in. It was nearly done. It truly was clothing worthy of someone as powerful as her; someone with influence stronger than the ringmaster himself.

[touyubesposts]

My Sander Sides Enlightment

You know what’s always kinda bothered me? Those mean takes on the other sides. Like ‘Janus is manipulating Patton and isn’t actually trying to be friends with him,’ ‘Patton has too much moral superiority,’ ‘Roman never learns,’ So on and so forth. There is something bad to say about all the sides. No hate to anyone who's made one, you are valid and probably right in your own way. I think the only reason they bother me so much is because you can easily say the opposite. The most common phrase being ‘Nobody listens to ____’

“Nobody listens to Patton! He was trying to show the others that Virgil was good all along and only when Virgil was gone did they listen.”

“Nobody listens to Logan! He gets ignored constantly and he’s getting mad because of it.”

“Nobody listens to Roman! Every time he comes up with a solution, he gets shut down only to get blamed for not coming up with a solution.”

“Nobody listens to Virgil! He only gets listened to when he forces Thomas to hear him, and he doesn’t like doing that.”

“Nobody listens to Janus! Even when he has good ideas and arguments, they get pushed to the side because he is a dark side.”

“Nobody listens to Remus! That was the entire point of an episode. And all he wants is to be listened to, it doesn’t matter who.”

And all of these are valid points. But at some point, you have to wonder who’s not listening the most. Which is how I think the criticism posts of the characters came to be in the first place. But I don’t think any of them are to blame. Even when this new side gets revealed, it won’t be his fault either. The fault isn’t on Roman, or Logan, or Janus, or any of them.

It's on Thomas.

And of course I don’t mean ‘Writer Thomas,’ I mean ‘Character Thomas.’ Throughout the series, Thomas has always held himself high. You can’t be perfect, but you can try to be. And every time a situation comes up, he doubts himself, wondering if he’s even any good at all.

And in comes the sides, telling him that he can’t be bad and here's why. In fact, Thomas won’t let himself be bad at anything. Can’t be a bad worker, can’t be a bad actor or singer, and certainly can’t be a bad friend. Even in situations where he wouldn’t even be those things, he can’t even let himself risk it.

And so, the sides follow suit.

Logan becomes the perfect person for knowledge and learning, never letting himself be anything less than right all the time.

Roman strives to be perfect physically and materialistically, coming up with creative ideas that help Thomas move up in the world or, at the very least, make himself feel better.

Patton is the perfectly moral person. Make sure everyone is alright, help whenever and wherever you can, and always keep a smile on. Wouldn’t want anyone worrying for you, right? That wouldn’t be good.

Virgil is the perfect alarm system. Even false alarms are taken with the utmost seriousness. Just as long as no one else knows your anxious.

Janus is a deceiver. And Thomas lies often. So he needs to be the best at putting on a face and making sure nothing goes off without a hitch. Wouldn’t want people catching him in a lie. He needs to be the perfect liar.

And then there's Remus. The only one who tries not to be perfect. But that idea terrifies the others so much, Remus is left to pick up all of the imperfection slack. Maybe that's why Remus was offended when he was called ‘Scary.’

Trying to be so many perfect things all at once, you’re going to but heads with all of the different aspects of yourself. You're going to not listen. You're going to ignore. And in some cases, your perfectionism is going to make you look like the bad guy. And as someone with perfectionism, I relate a little too hard.

Thank you for reading.

[raointean]

Elrond Week Day 7 - Sanctuary and Departure

In which Elrond is stubbornly refusing to speak with his parents after arriving in Valinor and Celebrían has a clever solution.

Celebrían sighed exasperatedly as she noticed Elrond reading his book on their couch, pointedly not looking at the letter-writing materials not five feet away from him. “Are you intending to ignore your parents for the rest of time?”

Elrond hardly even glanced up at her as he responded. “No, of course not. I am simply waiting for them to reach out to me first.”

Celebrían pursed her lips and sank down into a nearby chair. Her husband had been in Valinor nearly a year and a half already; this had gone on long enough. “I do not pretend to know Elwing’s mind,” she began, treading lightly on the delicate subject. “But do you not think it is possible that she may be waiting to see if you even wish to speak to her after all this time? You were very young when you were… separated, and she knows this. Perhaps she is trying to be sensitive of the possibility that you have moved on and is trying to give you space so as not to cause conflict...?” 

The ‘As you so often do?’ in her head remained unsaid.

Elrond shot her a look that told her he would not hear any more on the topic and said nothing. They were so much alike, Celebrían thought to herself, although she knew neither of them would admit it. She had only met Elwing once or twice, but even from that she could identify their similarities. Both of them were stern and intimidating people at first glance. Under Elrond’s commanding exterior lay layers upon layers of kindness and generosity and, while Celebrían did not know Elwing well enough to say the same of her, there was no way anyone could genuinely be that stern.

At both of their cores, however, lay deeply wounded, anxious, and insecure people. Celebrían knew from long experience that, while a certain level of healing was possible, the scars of such wounds stubbornly remained. 

Upon their first meeting at a holiday party in Tirion, Elwing had pulled Celebrían aside as soon as she possibly could and questioned her about Elrond. How he was, what he was like and, most importantly, what his opinions of his mother were. Celebrían, taken aback by her directness and still recovering from her… ordeal, had unfortunately answered honestly: Elrond was occasionally curious about her, but usually changed the subject whenever she came up.

The woman had been heartbroken, but concealed it well. Celebrían had tried to reach out a few times after that, but Elwing had always respectfully declined. Now, Celebrían couldn’t help but feel that their current predicament was her own fault. If she had given a kinder report of Elrond’s feelings about her, perhaps Elwing would have the courage to reach out.

But it was no matter, Celebrían had a plan…

Not two seconds later, there came a knock at the door. Right on time.

Elrond rose from his seat to get the door and Celebrían followed close behind, saying, “That must be the geologist I told you about.”

Celebrían had met many of the elves that lived in their area, including a couple that lived on the far end of the valley. She and the wife, Amaurëa, had become dear friends and soon discovered that their husbands both shared a passion for rock, stones, and minerals. While Elrond’s fascination with such things had remained a hobby, her friend's husband, Elcair, had made a profession of it. 

Though they had been visiting Amaurëa's family for the past two years, Celebrían had invited them to call at their earliest convenience to see what Elrond had brought with him from Middle Earth. It was a giant chest of stone and mineral samples, all meticulously sorted, cleaned, and cared for. Elrond had decided to bring it just in case there were elements in Middle Earth that were not present in Aman. Despite the chest being two feet wide and four feet long, he insisted that he had only brought his favorites. 

Celebrían opened the door to see two elves. One, the woman, short and slender with a flattering green dress. She wore no cloak in the warm spring air. The other, her husband, stood head and shoulders above her, his athletic build honed by centuries of hiking, cliff climbing, and spelunking. He examined the ornately carved doorframe instead of looking Celebrían in the eye. 

“Welcome!” Celebrían cried, reaching out to clasp her friend's hand. “How was your visit? I know you have been missing your mother terribly.”

Amaurëa stepped inside with a courteous smile. “It was wonderful. Ammë is well, and so is my new brother.” 

Her eyes slid to Elrond, standing just behind Celebrían's shoulder and he was quick to introduce himself. “I am Elrond, Cel's husband. It is a pleasure to finally meet one I have heard so much about.”

Amaurëa's smile grew wider at his friendly greeting and Celebrían, who knew her well, could see her relax. “Well met, Elrond. This,” she gestured to her husband who had finished examining the doorway and moved into the hallway, “is my husband, Elcair.”

Elcair nodded to Elrond rather stiffly, looking almost nervous. “Well met.”

He didn't go on so, after half a beat, Celebrían invited Amaurëa to the sitting room. “Come, I think I still have some of your favorite tea blend. I daresay Elrond and Elcair should like to get to their rocks.”

At this, Elcair's eyes visibly brightened, although he tried to conceal it. Elrond also noticed and began leading him to his personal study. “Yes, I think we will,” he said to their wives. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Amaurëa.”

Amaurëa nodded her farewell and followed Celebrían into the sitting room. Celebrían set the tea to steep, inwardly rejoicing that her plan had gone smoothly thus far. 

“How long do you think it will take them to realize?” Amaurëa asked her. She was in on the plan, of course. 

Celebrían glanced in the direction of the study. “As clever as they both are, they are discussing rocks so, it could be some time…”

—----

“Do you think the geology of Middle Earth differs much from that of Valinor?” Elcair asked suddenly as they walked down the hall.

He was an odd elf, Elrond observed. Quiet, blunt, absorbed in his own world; Elrond could respect that, even relate to it at times, but still… odd.

“I am not sure,” Elrond replied, opening his office door and ushering Elcair inside. “I have not traveled widely yet, but what I have seen here in this valley is not at all different from what I am familiar with. Although…” he said thoughtfully. “Are there any volcanoes here?”

Elcair chuckled and shook his head. “Alas, no. I have never had the privilege of seeing them in person. My research on that topic has been limited to accounts of those who have seen them, and discussions with Aulë. He is a fountain of geologic knowledge,” he was quick to clarify, “but he has an unfortunate habit of failing to look at the bigger picture.”

Interesting, Elrond thought to himself. He had not thought that the vala of stone and metallurgy would focus on anything narrowly. Then again, Aulë was the creator of the dwarves…

“You are not missing out on much,” Elrond reassured him, unlocking his chest of geological samples. “I spent much time near the volcano, Oroduin, in Mordor during the War of the Last Alliance. I would be happy to share my observations with you, but I do not recommend going anywhere near an active volcano. It took decades for me to breathe easily again.”

Elcair opened his mouth to respond, but was quickly distracted as Elrond opened the chest. Several shelves unfolded from it: one for sedimentary rocks, one for igneous rocks, one for metamorphic rocks, and two for minerals. 

They were separated by type of course, but their order was… unconventional when compared to most geologists’ collections in Middle Earth. They ordered their samples alphabetically or by density, but Elrond- Elrond ordered his collection by Music.

There was Music in everything the Ainur had created, though few were attuned to it. In fact, Elrond had met no one else but his own son, Elladan, who could hear the music of stone as he could. The igneous rock with its quick tempos and sharp sounds, the metamorphic rock with its melodies that bent this way and that, the sedimentary rock with its slow tempos and melodies that told the stories of a thousand different deaths, the minerals with Songs as varied as the colors in the air.

Elrond could listen to them for an Age if no one disturbed him.

Elcair seemed almost equally enraptured, but he eventually turned to question Elrond. They spoke for nearly an hour of volcanic mechanisms and of the types of stone it produced (Elcair found a particular affinity for obsidian), and Elcair told Elrond of the many advances he had made in examining sedimentary samples; separating them out and identifying them one bit at a time.

Eventually, during a lull in the conversation, Elrond asked him a personal question. “When did your family come to Valinor?”

It was entirely possible that he had been born in Valinor, but with a Sindarin name like “Elcair,” his family almost certainly had its roots in Middle Earth or Beleriand.

Elcair gave him a strange look, almost meeting his eyes. “Do you not know?”

That was… an odd response. Elrond did not know who he was related to, although perhaps it was a well known family, but Elcair had not mentioned any family name. “Apologies, I do not. I do not know your family name, and your given name only tells me that you are likely Sindarin or Silvan.”

Slowly, carefully, as if explaining a simple concept to a child who should know better, Elcair said, “My mother is Elwing and my father is Eärendil…”

Oh, oh. Of course! Elwing and Eärendil had been very young when they had fled Beleriand; Elrond had always known that. They had been young and in love and had lost the chance to raise their children; it made sense that they would try again.

In a way, Elrond was happy for them. Happy that they had been able to move on with their lives after everything that had happened, everything they had been through. Alongside that, though, an ancient pit of bitterness reopened in his chest at the thought that they had been able to move on from him.

As soon as that feeling bubbled up into his mind, he tried to push it away. It wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t helpful to him. He had lived well over six-thousand years without them and become a powerful and well-respected man, loved by many. That would not change, regardless of what his parents thought of him.

“So, Celebrían did not tell you?” Elcair asked tentatively. He seemed anxious, worried that he had offended Elrond.

“No- No, she did not.” This whole time, she had known. Known and said nothing! And yet, Elrond could not find it within himself to be angry with her. He had been stubborn in his refusal to speak to his family, he knew, and if she had mentioned a brother, Elrond knew he would have refused to see him as well.

“You… are my brother, then?” Elrond mused.

Elcair nodded, almost shy now. “Yes, and we have a sister between us, Elinn. I thought you knew about her, but since you did not know that you and I were brothers…”

His rambling trailed off as Elrond tried to digest all of the new information. He was an older brother, with two younger siblings. His parents had had two new children after losing their first two. Even if he did reach out to them now, what sort of place would he have in that family? That of a bastard son with no ties but blood?

As if sensing his turmoil, Elcair picked up an oolitic limestone sample and pressed it into Elrond’s palm. It was highly textured, but the ooids themselves were smooth. More than that, its music was soothing like- well, like sediments coalescing in ocean currents. It brought him back to the present.

Staring at his shoes, Elcair asked, “So, since Celebrían did not ask me here at your behest, may I ask- Why have you not reached out to us yet?

Elrond sighed, examining the limestone in his hand. What he wouldn’t give to be an ooid right now; just a tiny ball of calcium floating in the sea. Things would be so much simpler. “I only knew Elwing- our mother - for the first six years of my life, most of which I cannot remember. Our father, I knew for even less time, and I did not know of you and Elinn’s existence until just now. I fear that forcing myself into… your family- I would simply take up space that isn’t there.”

Elcair looked over at him sharply, though Elrond did not meet his gaze. “Do not say that! Nana has been more anxious than I have ever seen her from the moment we got news of your ship. As soon as Atto returned from his sky-voyage at the beginning of last spring, he was much the same. Elinn has been urging Nana constantly to stop waiting for you to reach out and just write first herself because she wants so desperately to meet you! And I-”

He halted before going on, as if admitting some long-kept secret. “I have been wondering what you would be like ever since I first heard your name. For decades- centuries, I have listened at the docks for news and stories of you. I cobbled together an image of what my older brother might be like and, for a very long time, you have been my greatest role model, even though I have never met you.”

A breath of silence passed between them. Elrond could hardly believe that he had played so large a role in the life of someone he had never met. He knew that he was in history books and there were likely people who looked up to him based on their readings, but never so personally. 

Elcair wasn’t finished. “I never even dared to hope that you would share my passion for stone, however much I idolized you. I- There has always been room in our family for you, Elrond.”

Elrond was nearly overcome. He had only just begun to process the fact that he had siblings (siblings! plural!) and this was just too much. So, he pushed his feelings aside for later, focused on the feeling of ooids in his hand, and fell back on learned politeness. 

“I-” he was forced to pause and clear his throat, his voice was clogged with emotion. “I am sorry for not writing sooner.”

Elcair patted his hand, also feeling awkward and off balance after his burst of emotion. “It is no matter now. We have all the time in the world, after all.”

@elrondweek

[cariantha]

Talk is Cheap (2/2)

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Sawyer Brooks) Rating: General Warning: Mentions of pregnancy Category: AU; Angst (with a happy ending) Word count: 2.7K Prompt: What would have been the outcome if Sawyer had discovered that she was pregnant whilst Ethan was in the Amazon? A/N: The theme song for this fic is “Go Get Her” by Restless Road.

Part One

It took Sawyer two days and ten chewed up fingernails to work up the courage to call. And it took three unanswered calls to realize that her heart wasn’t done breaking. 

“Ethan, it’s Sawyer. Please call me as soon as you get this message. I really need to talk to you.”

Ethan listened to the message several times. There were only two possible reasons for her call: something was wrong, or she wanted to talk about them. The only clue he had, her shaky and hesitant voice, was not enough to go on. Worried that weeks of strategic silence and self-inflicted loneliness would be for nothing, he determined that the safest course of action was to call his mentor. Speaking to Naveen would rule out several of the “something wrong” scenarios that were racing through his anxious mind. 

Ring, ring. “Hello, Ethan. It has been a while,” Naveen answered. The two hadn’t spoken since the video call that ended with Sawyer darting away from his office in tears.

“Naveen. How are you? How have you been feeling?”

“I’m fine, son.” 

“Did you have your check-up with Baz this month?”

“I did. My labs were normal.”

“Good… that’s good… uh, how’s the team?”

“They are managing quite well, and June is taking full advantage of her time at the helm,” Naveen chuckled.

“I don’t doubt it. And the interns? Have they killed anyone while I’ve been away?”

“The interns?” Ethan’s attempt at small talk was already suspicious, but asking about the interns was a dead giveaway. “Or one in particular?” Naveen pressed. 

Giving up his pretense, Ethan confessed, “She left me a vague message. I was concerned that something had happened. That one of you might be sick or hurt.”

“I think it’s safe to say she’s hurt, Ethan,” Naveen challenged. 

“You know that’s not what I meant. Is she okay? Has there been any more backlash from the trial? Has Nash been harassing her?”

An exasperated Naveen sighed, “I don’t know the reason for her call, Ethan. And even if I did, I would tell you to speak with her yourself. Tell me, how are you planning to work together if you’re not on speaking terms?”

“Our relationship will return to that of a strictly professional one. Working together on your case, sharing that secret… the lines got blurred and I let things go too far. It was the result of heightened stress and frequent exposure to-”

“Bullshit,” Naveen interjected.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. We both know if that’s all it was, you wouldn’t have bothered to call me. You wouldn’t care this much. Now, swallow your pride like that over-priced whiskey you drink and call her.”

<><><><><><><><><><>

The following day, Sawyer stood outside of Naveen’s office. “Hi Danielle, any chance the chief has some free time in the next day or two?”

“Let me check his schedule, Dr. Brooks,” the assistant answered, clicking her computer mouse.

“Sawyer? Is that you out there?” Naveen called from inside his office. “Come on in.”

Sawyer offered a thankful smile to Danielle and then stepped into Naveen’s office, closing the door behind her. “Thanks for giving me a few minutes.”

“I can always spare a few for my grand-mentee.” He gestured to one of the seats in front of his desk. “What’s on your mind, dear?”

Sawyer took a grounding breath, then proceeded. “A lot actually. I, uh…” She paused, nervously biting her bottom lip. Then as if ripping off a Band-Aid, she came right out with it. “What is the policy for taking a leave of absence? And if I did, how would that impact my fellowship?”

Naveen pursed his lips, mentally diagnosing the situation. “Well, that depends on the type of leave being requested.”

Sawyer hung her head for a moment, and when she looked up, her eyes were glassy. “Maternity leave.” 

He followed her eyes when they shifted to a picture displayed on the hutch behind him, confirming his suspicion. Naveen hoped that Ethan had taken his advice last night. With a sympathetic air, he leaned forward and folded his hands. "Does he know?"

She shook her head and bit her lips, trying to prevent the spill of tears. “He hasn’t returned my calls," she finally managed.

“I’m so sorry, dear. Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you?”

Sawyer reached for a tissue. “I just need to know what my options are.”

He nodded.

“And if it comes to it… the process for transferring my residency.”

He couldn’t help the frown on his face. “Of course.” A short while later, with a hug and another offer of support, Naveen said goodbye to Sawyer. 

"Danielle, would you mind letting Dr. Cyrus know that I am running a few minutes behind?" Closing his door for privacy, he retrieved his phone from the pocket of his white lab coat.

Later that night, in his tiny studio apartment in Atalaya, Peru, Ethan sat on the edge of the bed and scrolled through his phone contacts. He stared at Sawyer’s profile picture for a long while, gathering the strength to stay firm in his resolve, while also preparing for the worst. If she was sick, he would call in every favor he was owed. If she was moving on with someone new, he would hate it, but wouldn’t interfere with her happiness. If she was quitting… leaving… he would break. 

With his thumb hovering over the call button, he was startled when the phone pinged. Tapping on the notification, he read the incoming lines of text and quickly realized that he had not anticipated this scenario.

In her bedroom in her Boston apartment, Sawyer paced back and forth. The word “Read” appeared after the last line of her text message and she anxiously chewed on her thumbnail waiting for any kind of response. Preferably a call, but she would settle for three bouncing dots and a few lines of text. A half hour later, accepting the silence as his response, she powered off her phone and tossed it aside. Curling up in her bed, she cried herself to sleep.

In those same thirty minutes, Ethan stared at the sonogram picture and choked back tears. His knee bounced up and down nervously, carefully considering what to say and do to make things right. When he finally pushed the green call button, he immediately heard her voice on the other end of the line. “Hi there, you’ve reached Sawyer. Leave me a message.” He redialed several more times, but each time it went straight to voicemail. “Dammit!”

Ethan stood and raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. He spun around taking in his humble surroundings, considering his current obligations. “To hell with it.” After calling for a ride, he tossed his phone on the bed and began shoving his belongings into his open suitcase.

An hour later, from the backseat of a taxi, Ethan made another call. “Dr. Stehl, it’s Ethan Ramsey. I’m sorry to do this, but something has come up back home in Boston. A family emergency. I’m on my way to the airport now…”

After twenty-four hours of cramped bus rides and connecting flights, and a quick stop at home to freshen up, Ethan stood outside of Sawyer’s apartment door. Taking a deep, calming breath first, he knocked.

Elijah greeted him a half minute later. “Dr. Ramsey? I didn’t know you were back.”

“Yes, just. Is Sawyer here?”

Elijah moved backward and gestured for him to enter, assuming that Sawyer was already expecting him. It wouldn’t have been the first time she entertained Dr. Ramsey in their apartment, after all. It would also explain why she passed on going to Donahue’s with the other roommates for “Ladies Night” half-priced drinks. “She’s in her room. You remember which one, right?”

Ethan nodded. “Thank you.”

“By the way, I like the beard,” Elijah remarked, closing the door. “Maybe I should try to grow one so my patients won’t think I’m fifteen anymore.” 

“Hmph,” Ethan huffed in amusement as he moved deeper into the quiet apartment. 

He inhaled and exhaled slowly before gently knocking on the last door at the end of the hall, the door to Sawyer’s room. Though light emanated from underneath the door, there was no answer. He knocked again, and when she still didn’t answer, he carefully turned the doorknob and peeked inside. 

Sawyer was fast asleep, hugging a pillow close to her body.

Quietly shutting the door behind him, he softly padded to the side of her bed and carefully sat on the edge. Her laptop lay open behind her. On the screen, an application for residency at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona, which made Ethan’s stomach sink.

Odds were she hated him at this point. Despite the risk, he reached out to touch her. Tenderly skimming his fingers along her hairline, he brushed a few loose strands out of the way. “Sawyer,” he quietly said her name. When he repeated it, she finally began to stir and then opened her eyes.

Shocked, she bolted upright and backed away, nearly knocking her laptop to the floor. “W-what are you doing here?” she asked, trying to get her bearings. 

“I came to talk. To apologize. To try to make things right.”

“Ethan, I–”

Sensing her distrust, “Please, give me a chance,” he implored. “I know I don’t deserve it, but will you please hear me out?” When she didn’t protest, he continued.

“I have been so selfish, Sawyer. When Naveen appointed you to the diagnostics team, I feared a scandal if people discovered we were together, especially with the ethics trial still fresh in people’s minds. I could never, in good conscience, put you in a position like that. You worked so hard and earned this fellowship. It’s a rare opportunity that I don’t want to get in the way of.” His eyes begged for understanding. “Please believe me when I say this… I want to be with you. So much so that I considered stepping down as team leader. Hell, I even considered resigning from the team altogether.” He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “As much as I care for you, Sawyer, I couldn’t give it up. I have spent my entire career preparing to one day fill Naveen’s shoes. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, until you. But everything between us happened so fast. It was still so new-”

“Ethan, I would never expect you to make that kind of sacrifice. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you did,” Sawyer firmly cut in.

“I know, Rookie, and that’s why I told myself the only way forward was as colleagues, and nothing more.” He made a point of looking her in the eye. “But the problem is we’ve never just been colleagues, have we. There’s always been something more between us. I took advantage of the distance, hoping that if we cut ties for a while, the connection would fade and make it easier to leave what we had in the past.” 

Sawyer shook her head in frustration. 

“You don’t have to say it. I can probably guess what you’re thinking,” Ethan acknowledged.

“That you’re an idiot?” she quipped.

“Yes, and you’d be right to think so. I had convinced myself it was a solid plan. As long as we still worked together, I would still get to see and talk to my best friend without the constant worry of holding you back or jeopardizing your career.” Sawyer followed when he tipped his head to the laptop screen behind her. “Knowing how badly you wanted to be at Edenbrook, and how hard you fought for the fellowship, I hadn’t considered the possibility that you would leave. When you said you might move back to Arizona, I realized my plan backfired.” 

Ethan gave her a moment to process.

“Why didn’t you call or write me back after I told you about the baby?” she demanded an answer.

"I know this will be hard to believe, but I swear I was just about to call you when I got your text. You can blame me for a lot, but you can’t blame me for the sudden shock of learning that I was going to be a father. It took me a while to catch my breath and find my words. When I finally got my shit together, I tried calling. Several times. But I kept getting your voicemail.” Ethan absent-mindedly stretched his hand toward her. “Sawyer, we both know words without action are meaningless. You mean so much to me and-”

“You have a real shitty way of showing it,” she interjected.

"And I'm here now because I want to change that. You deserve better than a phone call, and certainly more than a text message. You, Rookie, have the unnerving ability to read me like an open book. I want you to be able to look into my eyes and see the truth in my words when I tell you how I feel."

Protectively clutching her pillow to her chest, she braced herself. “And how do you feel?”

“About you?” he paused, his eyes darting between hers. “I am hopelessly in love with you, Sawyer Brooks.” 

She swallowed, nervously anticipating his next words. 

“How do I feel about this baby?” He sighed softly. “I’ll be honest, I never pictured myself settling down or having a family. I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours on buses and planes alone with my thoughts, and they were consumed with the idea of becoming a father. For the first time in my life, Sawyer, I could picture it… a family of my own... but only because you were with me in that dream. And I’m worried that I’ve fucked it all up.”

Overcome with emotion, Sawyer hid her face with her hands and sobbed.

“Sawyer?” 

“Arrrrrgh,” she growled into her hands before lowering them. “I’m still furious with you… I’m not sure where we go from here… how to trust that you won’t walk away again.” She wiped her tears away. “But I guess we have a lot to figure out…” she said, her voice cracking, “because despite myself, I’m still in love with you, too.”

A wave of relief washed over Ethan. There was hope, even if the space between them made it feel like they were still on different continents.       

“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking her over.

“I’ve had a little morning sickness, but mostly I'm exhausted.” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped herself. 

“What is it?” 

Her bottom lip quivered when she continued. “I’m scared to death.” 

Ethan gently removed the pillow barrier and drew her near. “Come here.�� He pressed a kiss to her temple and murmured, "It will be okay."

“You’ve said that before,” she mumbled into his chest.

He pulled back to look her in the eyes. “I’m sorry for letting you down before. I know that it will take time to earn back your trust. But I promise you, Sawyer, I’m here for you… for both of you. You can count on me,” he assured, his fingers twining with hers. “I will be the man... the partner… that you need me to be.”

They held onto each other in comforting silence for several minutes.

“I missed you, Asshole,” she whispered, then lifted her head to really look at him. 

Ethan smiled. “I missed you, too, Rookie. Every minute of every day that I was away.”

Sawyer ran her hand over his scruffy beard, then over the soft leather of his jacket. “We’ve got ourselves a brand new Ethan Ramsey,” she assessed.

“This jacket’s been through a lot with me.” 

“It suits you.”

Scratching his cheek, “And the beard?”

She studied him for a moment, then with the playful smile that he had missed so terribly, she teased, “You look like a dad.” 

Seven months later…

Ethan stared in awe at the carefully wrapped bundle his wife held in her arms. The newborn’s tiny hand wrapped around the tip of his finger. Without letting go, he carefully nestled next to his wife on the hospital bed. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he leaned in and pressed an appreciative kiss to her temple. When he pulled back, she turned to him with a smile, soliciting another kiss but this time on her lips.  

“I love you. How are you feeling?” he asked.

Before she could respond, there was a gentle knock on the door. Two older men bearing flowers, balloons, and teddy bears quietly entered. While the silver-haired man exchanged cheek kisses with Sawyer, the dark-haired man in the sweater vest moved to the other side of the bed and placed a hand on Ethan’s shoulder.

“Dad. Naveen. Let me introduce you to your grandson,” Ethan announced. “Brooks Winter Ramsey.”

[soratsuart]

grisps yyou

CHrome lore

Twst and kingdim

LooLookLooks

It did sent :)

Warning for long ass rant, there is So Much I got to say about Chrome <3

Also here are some YEARS OLD REFERENCES JEEZ I NEED TO DRAW THEM AGAIN, these are from before I even used my current art program 😭

Anyway, long rant under cut, you've been warned! (Also, Salt, I know you don't know much about KH, so feel free to ask me any clarifications you might need)

Chrome comes specifically from Union X because it's my favourite game story wise (gameplay it's KH3 if anyone cares) and they were originally supposed to take the role of the Player with only a few adaptations for their story. Many things have changed since then, although whether they become a character outside the player or if they still take up their role but with many changes and rewriting to fit their story it's something I still have to sort out.

Anyway, on to their story. Chrome comes from Not The Best background, which is reflected in their personality. They are initially a very gloomy and depressed kid, very insecure and shy. They were rather lonely and an easy target for darkness, which is something they struggled with for the better part of their first arc. Things start to change for them when they become Gula's apprentice (super self indulgent, I know, don't @ me)

There is A LOT that happens from here as it follows the events of the game, but it would be too long to explain. I guess most important stuff to mention is Chrome befriends or at least meets all the relevant characters for after the war BEFORE the war happens, so they're friends with them all, but specially Ephemer (influence from them originally following the main story as the player character), in fact, he's the one who gifts them their scarf! They also have many insecurities and expectations on them which they carry through the entire story and play a big role by the end of it all.

Long story short, they end up like the Player character only in their case they did actually get possessed by the Darkness. However, due to reasons, they manage to end up in the present time. How??? Well... Remember that one time we thought we get reincarnated as Xehanort??? Yeahhh, that's too good of a concept to not use, so I kinda took it and adapted it. Basically, their heart time travels to the future when Xehanort is born and they pull a Ventus, hiding inside his heart for a long time while their body falls into the darkness as a Nobody and they remain in the Realm of Darkness wandering alone without being attacked since they don't have a heart until KH 1, when they manage to cross back to the Realm of Light and end in Traverse Town, although without any memories except their name (they also had an encounter with Aqua at some point, but not very important rn)

From here they're helped a bit and through interactions with others they start to form a new heart. Their biggest connection initially is with Riku since they feel a strange familiarity with him (gee, I wonder why), which is great for Maleficent since she wins another pawn (they don't trust her). Of course, they come around and along with Riku they help Sora close the Door to Darkness, and later on end up in Riku and Mickey's team for CoM and KH2.

There are a lot of events happening here but they're too long to explain. The main take away is that, as Chrome's new heart forms and they regain their emotions and personality, they become motivated by the wish of recovering their memories and finding out who they are and where they came from. Throughout the saga they discover more and more about themself, their relation to Xehanort, their missing original heart and the people from the very few memories they manage to recover (specially after Castle Oblivion). By the end of KH3 and Xehanort's defeat they recover their original heart and theoretically their memories too, although that last part is happening at a very slow pace that is making them impatient and anxious, but they're doing better at least.

Now, as for their crossover with Twisted Wonderland? I like to imagine it happens either in the one year Kairi is asleep revisiting her memories or directly after MoM ending and Riku leaving for Quadratum. I imagine Chrome somehow finds this strange world (maybe fictional much like Winnie The Pooh book?) that is Twisted Wonderland, a world where the villains they knew succeeded, and are alarmed by it, so they're sent to investigate by Master Yen Sid and find a big focus of darkness within NRC, which is why they decide to enroll there (originally taking the role of Yuu again, but sometimes I like to mix them with Yor being there too).

Now, Chrome is not the same sad kid they once were. They're now a Keyblade Master, much more confident and cheerful than before. They're kind and soft spoken and the kind of person who screams "should have gone to RSA" with their every action, but alas. They are trying to investigate this new world as they deal with NRC students, the history that is so different from what they know and the darkness lurking in the shadows, and througj it all help thesw characters who are in the middle of everything while trying to get their memories back. I include Heartless and more KH lore for this specific crossover tho, so it's always fun to see some charas like Crowley and Lilia recognize what a Keyblade is from legends (also, I'm so tempted to say Crowley's stuff is a Keyblade since it looks like one anyway, but I have no clue what to do with that idea so it remains an idea)

Anyway, that is a very, VERY, summarised summary of Chrome's story and their appearance in Twisted Wonderland

[deathmetalangel]

Could you please do a fourth grade from mid 90s x reader where fourth grade doesn’t have a place to stay so she lets him stay at her house and they confess their feelings to each other thank you

FUCK IT, I LOVE YOU

fourth grade x gn! reader

warnings: mentions of homelessness, swearing (it’s mid90s so), anxious fourth grade, insecure fourth grade, fluffy kinda?

“wish that you would hold me or just say that you were mine,”

Y/n was usually out late. They enjoyed the nightlife of the city compared to the festivities of the morning. Sure it was nice to get out when the sun was rising and the city was just waking up. But, to y/n, the real fun happened when everyone was already asleep.

Sure it could be scary. Sometimes it did get boring. All that empty darkness with few awake to spend the night with. It only appealed to them because of the serenity. The night didn’t have to be wild for them to enjoy it. Some of their best nights were spent simply gazing at the stars. Or having a deep meaningful conversation in the moonlight.

On one of their many walks, unaccompanied but not unarmed of course, they’re stopped when a familiar face interrupts their path. “Hey, Fourth Grade. I thought you hated being out this late?”

The lanky boy looks around awkwardly. Y/n had stumbled across him on his way to the skate park. Ray had mentioned he’d slept there before when he got overwhelmed and just had to take a break from everything. That wasn’t out of necessity, and in Fourth Grade’s case definitely not out of embarrassment to ask anyone for help. “Uh, you know. I wanted to see what you’re always missing the mornings for.”

A smile graces y/n’s features. Small, but amused as it didn’t quite reach their eyes. Fourth Grade tints a slight shade of red. Almost everything they did seemed to fluster him. When they look at him he can’t meet their gaze. “Fourth Grade are you lying to me?” His breath catches in his throat. Of course they’d figure him out so easily.

Y/n spent the most time around Fourth Grade and vise versa. In their friend group everyone had their obvious ‘best friend’. They didn’t like their other friends any less, but that’s just who they clicked with the best. It used to be Ray and Fuckshit, but Ray seemed to take on a more big brother role for Stevie. Fuckshit and Ruben hang out more as a result. And for as long as anyone can remember it’s always been y/n and Fourth Grade.

They often mirrored each other as well even when they hung out with the whole group. Stevie, the most observant since he was the youngest and easily the most eager, had picked up on it before even Ray did. When y/n would lean on something usually Fourth Grade would follow suit. When Fourth Grade would try to look at them without being caught, he’d usually get caught because they were doing the same thing. Leaving both of them red in the face and avoiding eye contact.

“I- it’s nothing. I’m fine y/n/n. Just wanted some breathing room.”

“I know you Fourth Grade. Come on. We can talk about it at my place. It’s getting late, even for me so I’ll make some tea.” Fourth Grade looks hesitant to respond to the offer. Y/n smiles before holding out their hand. “At least walk me home? I won’t make you talk if you don’t want to.”

Swallowing his anxieties he grabs their hand and follows them back home. The walk was quiet. You could hear the crunch of the pavement under their shoes and the high pitched chirps of the crickets in the distance. He didn’t mind. Fourth Grade was busy trying to plan what he was going to say. He didn’t want y/n to pity him. He hated that.

The guys knew better, but y/n had been there for him the most. It was hard for them not to feel bad for him. He only notices when the warmth leaves his hand as they go to unlock the front door. “Uh it might be a little messy. Don’t worry. My mom’s working late again and left in a huge rush so, uh. Yeah,”

Y/n leads him inside and locks up behind him. The house was nice, a bit messy, but it looked full of warmth. Their house wasn’t huge, but it was only y/n and their mom. They had money, just didn’t feel the necessity to buy a big house just for the two of them. “Come on we can chill in the kitchen until you get sick of me.” Like he’d ever.

Fourth Grade sits down at the kitchen table while she puts on a pot of water to boil. When they sit down in front of him he tenses. “Are you gonna tell me why you really were out at 2 am?”

His hands get clammy as he wipes them on his jeans. He really hated lying, that and he wasn’t very good at it, but lying to y/n just made him feel worse. Like the guilt weighed down on his conscious tenfold. “I was going to the skate park.”

“Fourth Grade, you don’t have your board.” Right, god he was making a fool of himself.

“Oh. I must have forgotten it at home. Damn.”

They raise a brow. Y/n questions him again, “I mean it, please don’t lie to me Fourth Grade. I can’t help you if you lie to me.”

God he felt like the earth would eat him up at any moment now. Actually telling them would be like admitting defeat. Or worse. Admitting weakness.

“I was gonna crash there.” His words hang in the air for a while. A pregnant pause fills the space between them. His eyes drop down to his hands that grab his knees desperately hoping to ground himself.

Y/n’s chair screeches against the wooden floor as they pull it back to stand up. Fourth Grade looks up to see what they’re doing. They’re leaving? He really doesn’t wanna ask, but he so desperately wants to know. Shit. They probably thought he was a poor loser. He was. He was a dumb, poor, awkward skater kid with no real future besides working a dead end job like his parents. He was stupid. So fucking stupid.

A blanket and pillow hit him in the head. “Crash on the couch in my room. Or you could take the bed I take the couch I don’t care. Ma won’t care either she loves you. Just don’t lie to me next time.” Y/n goes back to start pouring the boiled water into mugs.

Fourth Grade looks at the blanket and pillow flabbergasted. Was that it? Was that really all he was worried about? “I know that look. And yes, I’m not making a big deal about it because it isn’t a big deal. You should’ve just asked me from the start. Why would you feel ashamed. We’ve known each other so long literally nothing you do phases me anymore. And no, I’m not doing this because I feel bad. I offer to help because I care and want the best for you.”

Y/n places the cup of steeping tea in front of him before sitting down. “Why?” They drop the bag of tea into their cup and raise a brow. “Why do you care y/n/n? What’s in it for you? I’m such a bad friend. I lie to you, I can’t do the things you do for me, and-”

“I care because if you could, you would. Give yourself more credit. You’re smarter than you think you are so use that brain of yours to think of reasons why I stick around.” They say not really showing much worry.

He was though. “I don’t know. Fuck if I knew I’d do whatever it was you liked more often. Hang out with you? Cause I definitely can’t buy you things y/n.” This was very out of character for him. Y/n could see that this was a long time coming.

“Fucking hell you’re dumber than I thought if you think I care about that. If I wanted someone who just bought me shit instead of caring about me I’d hang out with Fuckshit, but I don’t because he only cares about himself and fucking anything with a pulse. I hang out with you because you’re nice and polite and thoughtful. Even when you don’t have a lot to say you listen. That’s more than half the guys I’ve hung around have done.”

Fourth Grade sighs. “Fuck y/n you don’t get it. I want to be able to do those things for you. You should be around friends that can. You should have friends that you don’t have to feel bad for and let stay at your house because their place is basically temporary.”

Y/n rolls their eyes while stirring the honey into their tea. Fourth Grade clenches his jaw before turning to get up. “Don’t you dare leave,”

“I’m not gonna burden you y/n. I’ll figure it out, thank you for the tea.”

“No.”

He stops. “No?”

“I said no. I’m not letting the guy I like sleep on the streets because he’s too stubborn to just accept my help.”

“Y/n-” He pauses. What did they say? “Wait what?” Y/n doesn’t say anything, but he can see their cheeks flush.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight Fourth Grade,” Y/n tries to make their way to their room when he grabs their wrist. Y/n stops.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“You know what I mean.”

They both stay still. Not a word nor a whisper broke the ever so fragile silence. Y/n looks up through their lashes at Fourth Grade. He couldn’t look away from them either. They were just frozen. “I made it awkward. Didn’t I?”

“Can you just let me calm down for a sec?”

“Huh?”

Y/n tilts their head up at Fourth Grade who looked as bright as a tomato. “I love you. Shit. Y/n listen I-” Their arms slip over his shoulders and y/n leans up to shush him. When they kiss all he can think about is not acting like an idiot. His eyes shut and he wraps his arms around their waist. The height difference was apparent, making him lean down to not break the kiss.

When they do break apart for air he smiles, his face contorted into a goofy grin. “I’m sorry. I-”

Y/n shushes him again. Their finger placed against his lips. “You’re cuter when you aren’t overthinking everything. Please stop apologizing and we can finish our tea and have a nice sleep after this very eventful night. I for one have had enough to make me sleep a good 12 hours.”

Fourth Grade looks down clumsily before rubbing his neck. “Yeah. Okay.”

[krawwan]

OC Meme

Tagged by @messiahzzz – thank you! I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about Tynera on my blog, but I did promise myself I would share more of my creations in 2024, soooo...

A quick rundown – she’s a seldarine drow who turned her back on Lolth when she found her way to the cult of Lathander, and subsequently became a cleric of his.

In BG3, she chooses to see the tadpole as a test to show that she can persevere through adversity and bring light and new beginning to the darkness, as Lathander teaches. She made generally “good” choices and romanced Lae’zel. As of the epilogue, the two of them are living together close to where Shadowheart made her cottage, raising Xan as their son and supporting the liberation of the Githyanki people from afar.

Basics

- Full name: Tynera Maerret

- Gender: cis female

- Sexuality: bisexual with a strong tendency towards women

- Pronouns: She/her

Other

- Family: House Maerret – a minor noble drow house I created

Father: Kinastyrr Osviir

Mother: Laraea Maerret

Grandmother/main childhood attachment figure: Neerlinva Maerret

Birthplace: Maerimydra

- Job: Cleric of Lathander – I imagine that she’s pretty far down any hierarchy, as she hasn’t been a cleric very long yet.   

- Phobias: if any, a light case of agoraphobia

- Guilty pleasures: spending days on end in luxury baths, expensive jewellery. Also whatever the Faerûnian equivalent of violent slasher movies is.

- Hobbies: dancing, singing, poetry performance – she doesn’t really write herself, but she enjoys reciting poetry with friends

Morals

- Alignment: Lawful Good

 - Sins: Pride, Greed, Gluttony

- Virtues: Determination, Idealism, Compassion, Courage

This or That

- Introvert / Extrovert

- Organized / Disorganized

- Close-minded / Open-minded

- Calm / Anxious / Restless

- Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between

 - Cautious / Reckless / In between

- Patient / Impatient / In between

- Outspoken / Reserved / In between

- Leader / Follower / Flexible

- Empathetic / Unempathetic / In between

- Optimist / Pessimist / Realist

- Traditional / Modern / In between

- Hard-working / Lazy

Relationships

- OTP: Lae’zel/Tynera — it started as a fling, but honestly neither of them is made for casual arrangements. Tynera fell very quickly for Lae’zel’s resilience and devotion. It takes longer for Lae’zel to allow herself to recognise her feelings, but once she does, she melts into Tynera's warmth like a cat basking in a ray of sunshine.

Lae’zel calls Tynera, as in canon, “zhak vo'nfynh duj” – my joy. Tynera calls Lae’zel “sussun ussta” – my light.

- Acceptable Ships: none.  

- OT3: see above – Tynera would probably be open to having sex with others, but she respects Lae’zel’s wishes for exclusivity. On an emotional level, she is also monogamous.

- Brotp: Yes ->

-  Gale/Tynera— they are both fairly passionate in their respective fields and are glad that they don’t have to hold back in the other’s presence. Gale’s more relaxed level-headedness helps Tynera shed some of her more impulsive and judgemental tendencies. Likewise, Gale basks in Tynera’s unwavering support and affection.

- Shadowheart/Tynera — In the beginning, they butt heads a lot, since their gods are explicit enemies. Over the course of the game, they start to realise that they have much more in common than sets them apart. Shadowheart helps Tynera find ways to incorporate her faith in their daily lives, when they are in the shadow-cursed lands, where it’s difficult to perform sun-related rituals. They also share a taste for the macabre.

- Notp: none, she gets along with almost anyone. Though, now that I’ve finished her PT, I don’t think it makes sense for her to end up with anyone of the companions but Lae’zel.

Tagging: @faerielli, @zerfindung, @kaldurcalm, @lewdisescariot, @ghastlytofu, @athousandcowboys and whoever also wants to do this!

[hunter-sylvester]

Hi! I’m the anon who wrote the ask about Hunter’s parental issues and about his attachment to Kevin. Thank you for answering my asks, I absolutely love the way you write and how you explain everything! You’re extremely talented!🫶

I honestly didn’t notice how in love Hunter was with Kevin until I watched the movie a second time. It’s crazy how you can literally see all feeling in Hunter’s eyes when he looks at Kevin. I also loved how you said that their relationship fits a BDSM bratting dynamic, because I totally see it.

[and as someone who has ADHD and deals with RSD on a regular, I completely understand him. It sucks.]

Hey 🤘 [prev ask for context] Yeah I obviously couldn’t be 100% sure they were from the same person but it definitely makes the most sense lol

Thank you so much! I’m really glad you enjoy my rambling thoughts about Hunter as a character <3

If you do like my writing, I’m tempted to sheepishly gesture over to my actual Metal Lords fics over on Ao3 if you haven’t checked them out, even tho it makes me feel like a bit of a dick to do so 😅 (They are mostly locked to registered users, blame AI data scraping. The only Metal Lords fic not locked rn is a tiny ficlet. An Ao3 account is free tho 👀)

In any case, I really appreciate that you pushed me to do a bit of analysis again. Because sometimes I tend to forget that all the stuff that lives in my head as “obvious” isn’t always stuff I’ve said out loud on here lmao

There’s a lot to pull from the film if you’re willing to be a bit mentally ill about it.

And you’re absolutely right about the way he looks at Kevin, I mean, it happened enough for me to make a whole ass gifset of it lmao

Look at him. The boy is smitten. Clueless, of course. But smitten.

Which I credit basically entirely to Adrian Greensmith, as it was a vision he had for the character. I really can’t imagine Hunter having been played by anyone else as he brought so much to the role. (Fun fact, if I remember correctly: Noah Urrea, who plays Clay, originally auditioned for Hunter. No harm but I'm very glad he didn't get that. He makes a good Clay and Hunter just needed to be played by Adrian.)

One of the key things Adrian brought to the role also being, probably accidentally, his anxiety.

"I spent a lot of Metal Lords feeling a bit anxious [...] and in hindsight I wonder if some of that was just a sign that Hunter was quite an anxious character [...] I mean his body's so tense all the time." - Adrian Greensmith.

I shortened that quite a bit so I'm including a slightly longer clip of the interview audio for more context. (I can upload a subtitled video clip if anyone wants that as well as link the video on yt but I'd have to do a bit of a search for that)

Aside: If I had to guess I'd say he's probably referring to Peter Sollett who directed Metal Lords when he mentions a 'Pete'.

And yeah the bratting thing was a little bit of a joke but mostly not a joke. Without going absolutely off the deep end, the mentality behind bratting is something I really see in Hunter.

Evie Lupine has a wonderful video about bratting and why people would be interested in it (and why some people hate it) but a short snippet that always spoke to me from that is the following:

"The motivations behind bratting are pretty varied. I think one of the main ones would be a sense of security and comfort. This is when the acting out is sort of a way to be reassured that even when you, break rules, even when you push at things, the partner that you're with is not going to abandon you." - Evie Lupine

Obviously, with Hunter's fear of abandonment, it's easy to see why this would appeal to him.

He also just...idk he has brat energy - sincerely, a brat.

And Kevin does just play out the counterpart to that. He doesn't always have Hunter under control but he tries to.

And he does mostly act as that safe person to brat against, which again amplifies the impact it has when Hunter starts to think he's actually losing Kevin, destroying that feeling of safety.

Aside: I obviously don't think that these characters, in universe, negotiated for a bratting dynamic. In universe it'd be something that just sort of organically developed within their friendship/relationship. But even more than that it's an archetype of a dynamic that we as the audience can easily read into their interactions if that makes sense.

Can you believe the shit they will accidentally put in movies? lmao

And yeah, I have ADHD as well. And RSD is something that affects me pretty fucking severely. I've only really become more aware of it in the past year or so as my partner has pointed it out more and more.

So it's definitely something that I then noticed more and more in Hunter too.

Obviously this is all just my take on the character, and other people might have totally different interpretations. That's the beauty of art, we all get to find what we need in it and read it in our own ways, influenced by our own life experiences.

Thank you again for asking, Anon 🤘 (if you want to use a nickname or smth to identify that you're the same Anon, let me know. If not, that's totally okay too, but I might not always know it's you)

[sparkles-oflight]

Ginger shots - Lazy day

I went back between posting this or not... It's really just an excuse to write fluff. I'm kinda embarrassed about it.

Synopsis: After recording the new album, the boys finally get some days of rest. Bojan and Kris get sick however and we get to see a little bit of them sweet to each other.

Disclaimer: Please think of these as characters and not the actual people. I don’t encourage anyone to send this to any of the actual JO members nor do I encourage people to force any type of relationship between anyone.

Thanks @anxious-witch for the proof-reading and still tolerating me after today haha.

After their first tour of the year, Bojan and Kris had finally returned home- to their house. They were now ready to rest for a couple of days, however, these boys couldn’t get any rest due to their weak immunity systems...

- "Ginger shots, vitamins, shower cold, feeling old" - Bojan sang - "Just do everything the way you are told".

- Yeah yeah, I get it. - Kris complained as he arrived in the living room.

He sat on the sofa next to Bojan who stretched his arms like a happy child reaching for a toy, or, in this case, a cup Kris brought him.

- Thanks, Mom.

- How come you are always sick, uh?

- You are sick too! - Bojan drank as fast as he could and then patted Kris' shoulder - You are the best roommate one could ask for.

- Oh yeah? - Kris raised an eyebrow.

- Definitely. One of my best friends.

- Uh...so. - he chuckled - You'll call me anything but "Boyfriend", uh?

- Aw, is that what you want me to call you? - Bojan teased him with a small giggle.

- No no no, don't call me that if you don't want to. - he crossed his arms as a tint of pink appeared on his cheeks.

- Krisko, are we jealous?

- Why would I be jealous? - Kris smiled and stopped looking at Bojan.

- Well, that's good, you are my comrade for life - Bojan got closer.

Kris smirked and suddenly pulled Bojan closer into his chest, covering his head with his arms and bringing his body on top of his.

- Say it. - Kris threatened.

- Or what?

Kris kissed his hair.

- I'll have to use my ultimate weapon. - and he kissed him again.

- I think I like this punishment honestly.

- Well, but if we aren't boyfriends, then you'll only get these kisses.

Bojan freed his head and looked at Kris' eyes.

- No kisses here? - Bojan begged for a kiss, pouting his lips.

- No, you are only my friend.

- Okay...fine. - he smiled and tucked Kris's hair behind his ears - You are the cheesiest boyfriend in the whole world! - he announced proudly.

Kris kissed his neck and pushed Bojan softly onto the sofa. He admired the sight of Bojan's hair spread across the orange sofa and with the orange lights coming from the lamps illuminating his face, making his eyes and smile stand out.

Bojan looked up, put his hand on Kris' face, and caressed it before going back to touching his hair.

- It’s greasy.

- I know.

Bojan touched his chin and scratched his hand on Kris' small facial hair.

- It’s blonde.

- I know.

- Just kiss me already.

Kris got closer to Bojan's face...slowly. Very slowly, as if mocking him. When his hair was touching the older’s face, he smiled and whispered in his ear.

- Who said you could order me around, Bojči? 

His question was followed up by a soft bite on Bojan's earlobe and Bojan could only grin from having Kris' breath on his ear and then Kris' nose smelling his hair and neck.

- Has anyone ever told you- Kris was interrupted by Bojan.

- How good I smell? Yeah, I know.

- I was going to say that you need to take a shower actually.

- Not until you finish what you want to do.

Bojan's hands reached for Kris' hips inside of his shirt...he loved how his soft skin felt against his hands. It was...an indescribable sensation.

When Kris finally decided to proceed, he covered his mouth with his arm and started coughing.

- Or maybe not today. - Bojan joked and Kris sneezed.

- Can you get me a tissue?

- Of course.

Bojan reach for the tissue on the coffee table and gave it to him.

- Honestly, I was expecting you to blow me, not your nose. - Bojan switched to English just for this awful pun.

- Sorry for "blowing it" then.

- I don't know... My friend, Kris Guštin, made me believe I would be rewarded today. On my sick day! I call this false advertising.

He kissed Bojan's lips and grabbed him by his hair before pulling away.

- Your boyfriend, Kris Guštin, you mean.

- You took the bait!

- You think I don't know that? - he smiled - But you need to take a shower. It would be good for you and your sweaty hair.

- Oh, come on, you like it when I am sweaty. - Bojan winked.

- You're disgusting.

- You know I'm very sick and frail so I would like to invite you to take a shower with me. That way I'm not lonely, numero uno. - He started counting with his fingers - And dos, I am not in danger of falling off the bathtub or something.

- And tres? What's in it for me?

- You get to scrub my back.

- You had me at "shower". - Kris extended his hand to help Bojan back up.

Bojan took it and took the chance to steal a peck from Kris' lips.

- Let's go then? - he asked.

Kris shook his head and they both went to their room to get new pajamas, or, in Bojan's case, to steal clothes from his boyfriend. He's allowed to steal them except for a select few like the ones with holes and the white long shirt his mom gifted him for Christmas. To be fair, those would look like a dress on Bojan.

They ordered pizza and then they took a shower together. A moment full of kisses and hugs and comforting each other after all the moments of chaos they had this year. They just needed a moment of peace...

- So... Austin Powers? - Bojan asked as he and Kris hugged each other underneath the blanket.

- Oh, definitely. - Kris said as he ate the last slice of pizza.

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩

Afternote: I started writing this after my panic attack yesterday, how could you tell?

Polaroid Photos Universe | Recommended next: Are you Real?

[noodyl-blasstal]

Blupjeans Week: Myth (day 3)

Following on from the last two days prompts! Part 1 | Part 2 Today's @blupjeansweek prompt was Myth. -

Barry couldn't fathom how Taako managed it. Of course he, more than anyone Barry had ever met, could feign nonchalance on such an important day, but still. Barry knew he must be anxious deep down - no one cooked as much as Taako had been lately when they were fine, but aside from his occasional toe flexes Taako was sprawled loose limbed and casual across the chairs in the corridor.

"Stop worrying so loud, Barold." Taako didn't raise his head. Barry couldn't even get a read on his face because his ridiculous hat was tilted down over his eyes. 

"I'm not worr…"

"Then what am I hearing, Barry? What distress is accosting my delicate elf ears? Taako's busy trying to nap and you're spreading your anxiety everywhere. It's not hygienic, my guy."

"Uh." Barry countered. Perfect, got him.

"Yeah, that's what Taako thought. Now, why are you doubting Lup?"

"I would never doubt Lup! She's smarter than both of them put together." Barry replied indignantly, he couldn't believe Taako, of all people, was accusing him of not believing in Lup. As far as Barry was concerned, if she told him she was gonna grab the moon right out of the sky his only concern would be where they were going to put it. 

"Well then." Said Taako definitively as if the case was closed.

Barry looked at the door again. It had only been an hour. Anything up to four was relatively common. He knew she had this, but he just wanted to skip to that bit right now thank you very much. Maybe if he paced, did a little exercise, that would get rid of the nervous energy.

"Don't even think about it." Said Taako. "Sit down, read your book, it's going to be fine."

Barry sat obediently. He tried, he really did, but he was on what must have been his thirtieth attempt at reading the same page when the door finally cracked open. Barry barely had time to register it before Taako vaulted off the chairs and rushed over. 

"Thank you again, Dr Tacco. Congratulations!" 

Lup emerged from the room, finger gunned, and closed the door behind her. "Guess who's got two thumbs and a PhD?" She said as Taako slammed into her and knocked her sideways.

"Barold." He mumbled into her hair.

Lup pretended to try and wriggle out of his hug. "Fuck off, Goofus."

Barry wrapped himself around them both. "I'm also going with me. I checked, one, two." He prodded Lup in the back with each thumb in turn to make his point. 

Lup laughed hard and long and wild. "I hate you both."

"We love you too." Said Barry and Taako together. 

Lup stuck her tongue out. “Terrible, awful, what did I do to be cursed with you both?”

“I don’t know, Dr Lup. What did you do?” Barry grinned. Dr Lup! She’d done it. He knew she would. There was no universe in which she didn’t, but still. It was over.

“Dr Lup Tacco.” Taako said quietly. “You did it.”

“I did it.”

–

“You got the car snacks, Dr Bluejeans?” 

“Of course I have, Dr Tacco. But, Dr Tacco, have you set up the playlist?”

“Dr Bluejeans, I cannot believe you’d doubt me, your good friend, Dr Tacco. Of course cha’girl’s got the playlist sorted.”

“But, Dr Tacco, is it the one we  agreed on, or the one I saw you making to torture me?”

“I cannot believe these wild accusations that you are levelling, Dr Bluejeans. Of course it’s the one I made to torture you. Rude of you to entertain any other thought on the matter to be honest.”

Barry snorted. He still wasn’t entirely sure why Lup had agreed to road trip home with him despite not losing the bet, but maybe the allure of a second wardrobe full of vintage Barry threads (as Lup had designated them) had been too strong to resist. Either way, the car was packed, backup maps were in the glove box, roadside attractions had been scoped, their motel was booked, and his Mum was expecting them in a few days.

–

“There! There! There!!! Pull over, Dr Bear.” Lup pressed her face to the window and wriggled in her seat. “I knew we were close.”

Barry steered the car to the side of the road and parked on the gravel at the side. “We’ll be fine here. The road’s pretty dead and we shouldn’t be long.”

“Speak for yourself.” Said Lup, already unbuckled and clambering free. 

By the time Barry had hauled himself out of the driver’s side and stretched out his rice crispy spine Lup was already halfway up the scrubby embankment. Barry smiled fondly, he wished he had half the energy reserve the twins seemed to possess. 

“C’mon Bear! Look.”

The grass was sharp and the scree slippery, but Barry eventually made it, red and panting, to the rock.

“I love him.” Declared Lup, petting the top of the large, terribly painted frog she lounged across. “Take a picture for me please? Taako’s going to hate it. I’ll frame it for his birthday.”

 Barry huffed out and laugh and snapped some photographs. Lup looked perfect in every single one, because of course she did.

“Now c’mere, we need to get some for the wall.” Lup spun herself round and made grabby hands at Barry. The photo collection had started during undergrad. Lup had read something about tangible photos being lost because of technology and decided to be a one woman task force to combat it. She religiously took photos, got them printed monthly, and strung them up around the house using a seemingly endless supply of tiny colourful pegs. The strings were a timeline of friendships, charting the day that Magnus appeared in their lives and decided they were going to be friends actually; Lucretia’s increasing appearance at events; Kravitz moving from glowering at the twins in the background of a shot in a lecture hall, to standing awkwardly at the edge of a group shot, to kissing Taako’s cheek and making him blush right to the tips of his ears. They charted bad haircuts (Lup), terrible fashion choices (Barry repeatedly begged Lup to take down the evidence of his pork pie hat era, but she resolutely refused), and covered the mundane to the sublime - book days, beach days, lecture halls, labs, picnics, hikes. All of it.

Barry walked over to her then waited for direction, Lup’s creative vision wasn’t something to be trifled with. 

“Okay, can you hop up here with me? I’m just gonna go prop the camera.” Lup scooted off the edge as Barry found a solid foothold to push himself up with.

“Aye aye, Dr Captain… Captain Dr?” Barry saluted from the top of the frog and Lup laughed, mission accomplished. He still loved that he could inspire that reaction, after all this time she still loved his stupid jokes.

“Right, it’s on a 10 second timer… GO!” Lup sprinted and hopped deftly up the frog. Barry realised at the same time as she did that there was no way there was room for both of them to sit on top. Lup glanced at his lap and grinned, “...incoming, Barold!” She threw herself onto his knee and somehow produced a smile and a peace sign. There was no way Barry had been looking at the camera, he was definitely staring at Lup with the ‘lovesick’ face he’d bribed Taako into deleting or editing from photos so many times before. 

“Uh… can we do that again? I think I blinked.” Maybe he could delete the last attempt before she saw it once they were back in the car. He’d managed it before, there was only so many times you could be photographed staring longingly at someone before they worked out you were probably a bit in love with them.

“Sure you aren’t just trying to keep me in your lap? You could just ask, you know?” Barry was going to expire, right here right now. She could stay in his lap forever as far as he was concerned, but she was joking and he would be serious about it if he asked her to stay put and she’d laugh, his heart would break, and she’d feel weird about the last 10 years of their lives.

“I… well… er… I… just… the blinking.” Perfectly eloquent. He nailed it. There was no way she’d pick up on the fact he was combusting.

“No problemo. Save my spot!” Lup started to wriggle free, but Barry scooped her instead, cradling her briefly before setting her down on the very edge. “Thanks Bear! You’ve been working out.”

Barry had very much not been working out, unless you counted frantic note taking - which they definitely hadn’t in high school, he’d checked.

“3-2-1, comin’ in hot!” Lup clicked the button and set off running back to the rock. Barry watched her go, laughing at the smile on her face. He should probably just have volunteered to use mage hand for this, but Lup was having too much fun. She ran up the side of the rock, and Barry caught her, tugging her down into his lap. 

“8-9…” Lup raised her arms and Barry heard the familiar whoosh of flame. Gods, she was ridiculous and he loved every inch of her. He focused resolutely on the camera. “Think you managed without blinking that time?” Lup asked.

“Yeah, yeah, that was a good one.”

“Okay, stay put, I want one more of you with the frog please… Oh, do you still remember some of those bard spells Johann showed you?”

Barry nodded tentatively. “I do.”

“Cool, a cowboy hat please.” It was done before she’d slid back to the ground, and the raucous laugh she let out meant he’d definitely made a good choice. “The pink fuzzy trim really adds a mystique to the look, Barold. Have you been studying at the Taako school of headgear?”

Barry yee hawed instead of answering and Lup snapped away as he wielded his imaginary lasso.

Back in the car he felt a bubbling sense of pride as she set one of him high in his imaginary frog saddle as her screensaver and laughed again.

–

“It should be the next left, Bear. I hope you’re excited.” Lup uncurled herself from the scrunched up position she’d adopted for reading.

“”I’ve got a surprise and you’re gonna love it” can usually go either way with you and Taako, so I’ll reserve judgement for now.” Barry pretended to frown, but he knew Lup saw through it. He’d trust her with anything, she was the person his Mum’s ‘if your friends all jumped off a cliff’ lecture should have focused on. He wouldn’t have done it for Juan or Glennis, but Lup? He’d be straight over the side knowing she’d have figured out some way for them to fly. “Hang on… Lup, is that Mothman?”

“Maaaaybe. Turn in here.” 

“... and that’s bigfoot?”

“Yep.” Lup popped the p and looked incredibly smug.

“Why’s the rabbit… oh, it has horns. Jackalope?” 

“Jackalope.” Lup confirms.

“Lup, is this a cryptid hotel?” Okay, so the kitschy vibe was fun, but this was definitely more for Lup than for him. She didn’t usually miss with her surprises, but there was a first time for everything.

“It is, yes, but they also have a collection of academic papers you can view on the topic. There’s loads of really great evidence, according to the website.” Lup side eyed him.

“There’s research I can get angry at?” Okay, now she was talking.

“Bear, I hear those methodologies are real unscrupulous. There’s likely some inconsistencies in the referencing too, if you know what I mean.” Lup waggled her eyebrows. 

“I love you.” Blurted Barry, then tried not to think about that too hard as he parked the car. That was fine. You could tell your friends you loved them, he’d told Lup he loved her before. He told all of them he loved them because he did. She didn’t need to know that he meant it in a different way when he said it to her.

“I love you too.” Lup nudged his arm. “Now let’s go see which theme the rooms are. I’m hoping for the Hodag, but I think you’d prefer Champ.”

“Oh, I see how it is, pawn me off with budget Nessy. I’m Jackalope or broke. You go ahead, I’ll grab the bags.” Barry cracked the back door and started the slow task of sorting through the detritus of the day. He wasn’t entirely sure where Lup had managed to accrue four souvenir bags, but he didn’t want to risk damaging anything. He piled them carefully to the side, then tracked down the overnight bags, and double checked to make sure he’d locked the car properly. Shouldering the rucksacks he headed into the reception, glad that Lup was sorting the rooms. Frankly, he didn’t want to have to speak to anyone other than her before he’d thrown himself into a long shower and felt a bit more human. 

“Hey Bear.” Lup gave him a small wave from the electric blue sofa near the door. “There’s, well, there’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first?”

Barry hesitated. You were definitely supposed to get the bad news first, but the day had been so nice that maybe he could just put off whatever was going to ruin it a little longer. “Give me the good?”

“Buy one get one free on frozen margs. The glasses are massive and they have wild flavours. I need to try at least three, you know, for science. One of them is goldfish and I don’t know if they mean the creature or the cracker.” 

“Or both?”

“It could be both.”

“… and the bad news?”

“There may have been a tiny bit of a mix up. Just, like, the smallest amount. A little communication thing. You’ll barely notice it.” She smiled winningly, just like the time she broke his favourite mug, tried to fix it, somehow melted the shards, recruited Taako to fix it, and the resultant puddle became pudding.

“Uh huh.”

“We’re sharing.”

“Oh. That’s absolutely fine, I don’t mind.” It was better news than the margheritas, frankly.

“And there’s only one bed.” 

“I don’t mind if you don’t.” They’d shared before, he could deal with another night sleeping on his arms so his stupid subconscious didn’t decide they should be cuddling, actually.

“...and-also-they-might-think-we’re-married.” Lup said in a rush.

“Sorry, what? I don’t think I heard you right.”

Lup blushed brighter than he’d ever seen. “They think we’re…”

“...Ah, Dr Bluejeans-Tacco, I’m so delighted to meet you.” A tall man in an ascot and cosy looking jumper appeared by his elbow before Lup could finish. She definitely couldn’t have said what he thought he’d heard. That was ridiculous, there was no way. “As I explained to the awe inspiring Dr Bluejeans-Tacco here, we’re always so pleased to see newlyweds at Myths and Bed-gends! Marriage is such an honoured tradition, a delight, a union of souls! We were so excited when she let us know this trip was a surprise as you were celebrating an important life event. Now, do let me show you to the honeymoon suite, but don’t forget to visit the gift shop or the CryptoNOMica restaurant later tonight!”

Before Barry could say anything the man strode off towards the corridor. Lup gave Barry a panicked look, seemingly undecided as to whether she should follow the man or flee the building. Barry knew he should probably be freaking out right now, but truly he couldn’t find it in himself. Most of all, he needed to get his back under some hot water and maybe lie down. Lup could explain what was going on after that, but right now she looked more uncertain than he’d ever seen her, and there was no way he was having that.

“Come on then, Dr Bluejeans-Tacco.” Barry grabbed Lup’s hand. “You were definitely right about this place being a surprise.”

[carica-ficus]

"Harrow the Ninth"

13/02/2024

Reading progress: 100/507 (20%) Read through since last update: 100

*in the singing voice of Mariah Carey* It's tiiiimeeeee~!!!! I've got my hands on Harrow a few weeks ago and now I finally have the time to start reading it! I've been looking forward to this book ever since I read through Gideon and all my friends are already anxious for me to continue with the series! :D For those of you who stumble upon this little reading journal and have not seen me do it before, I just want to highlight that this is a public expression of my own thoughts while I read through the book. I like to speculate over the text. Since Muir loves to hide bits and pieces of information throughout her books, I like to try piecing them together on my own. It's fun and I feel like I'm conversing with her work in a way, like I'm a participant in the story. I know some people might find that annoying, but just let me do my thing. ^u^' (Just skip this post if you don't like it.)

----------------------------Spoiler warning!!!----------------------------

And now, without further ado, my thoughts and notes:

Who else needed an embarrassing amount of time to realize Ianthe was referring to Harrow when she said Harry? (Hate hate hate that nickname)

Yer a bone wizard, Harry.

The Noniad? Really? Really?

Well Harrow just took body dismorphia to another level. Painting a skull on her face with her own blood to feel some comfort? To regain just a little bit of control? Love her. Love love love her! She's such a mess. 🖤

Hold on. The Emperor says he hasn't resurrected anyone in 10 000 years. Didn't he... Become Emperor 10 000 years ago? Hm hm hm.

I'm managing to follow up on the time changes and the POV changes. As best as I can, of course. Obviously, I'm still a little confused at some times, but I'm glad some questions are slowly getting answered. Well... There's even more questions being asked, but I'm glad we get further insight to the lore.

I really missed Muir's writing. There's such a profound poetry in her style. I love it so much. 🖤

UGHHH!!! THE WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

The way Muir writes about Harrow and her life, especially about her childhood, feels so gritty, so powerful, and so incredibly raw. There's no possible way to connect to Harrow's experience. She went through so much. But the grief, the responsibility, the connection she has to her culture, to her planet, to her family and to her duty is just so masterfully written, I can't help but feel so drawn to her character. And her story. Man, I missed this series and it's only been 3 months since I've read Gideon.

It's way to early on to know who's the person narrating behind Harrow in "the future", but after the scene with Ianthe and the letters, I wouldn't be surprised if it was Harrow herself. Just from the past. I can't remember whether or not Harrow wrote letters to herself and I just forgot about them... Maybe she did. I don't know. In any case, I'm just speculating, but the way the narrator talks and offers up part of their own personality and parts of their own knowledge, I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out it's Harrow. (Well, she did write letters to herself as is revealed in some later chapter, but I think she did the same in Gt9.)

There's so much that is not said yet, but my go to reaction is to just accept it, not fight it. I am wondering where Gideon is, but at the same time I don't currently care about her whereabouts because it's obviously none of my concern. I am also a bit confused over why Ortus is being mentioned so much when he wasn't even involved at the whole Lyctor thing. Again, just speculating and throwing my 2 cents out there. I have full trust in Muir. Everything she writes is with a good reason. I'm presented with all of this information and tangled up timelines and conversations because I need to be. They'll add up to something more. I know it.

Speaking of weird timelines, I wonder where we're at this point in time. I feel like we're actually somewhere unspecified, that these chapters I went through were just a collection of memories, from the past and the future. So I'm wondering what is actually happening right now, but then again, as I already said, this doesn't matter yet and will be revealed later.

Excuse my philosophy. I might be entirely wrong. Don't take it personally, I just like to ramble in these little reading journals of mine, mostly because I like to look back at them and see how much I was wrong/right about my speculations. 😊 What I'll say is that I find Muir very clever as a writer. I like how she plays around with the narrative and makes the reader keep guessing. And I love to guess. I love to participate in her writing. It's very fun! It makes me feel like I'm a part of the story, not just an observer. If that makes any sense. 😅

OKAY! SCRAP EVERYTHING I SAID!!! The part about traveling through the River, the part where Mercy says that something can get inside the Lyctors body when their soul is separated from their physical form, that's the one!! I'm not saying anything more about my speculation, but I hope I have the right hunch about this.

(It will be SO fucking funny if I'm wrong about this, but I don't care.)

(Oh, on another note. That's such a super cool concept!!!! Love the idea. Love how much there's at stake!!!!!)

They're already in the River??? Nah, I'd die instantly. From stress alone.

Also, a little detail I liked is how The Emperor's eyes are described in detail. They're mostly black, but then there's a line where Harrow notices a little silver circle around them. I'm wouldn't outright say he's probably a Lyctor, but I'd say he might have also sacrificed/killed someone he cares about or his cavalier. I don't know, I just found it really interesting that his eyes are often mentioned as something strange.

BTW I love the heterochromia part. Such a beautiful way to portray the cavaliers have become a part of the Lyctors.

[opinated-user]

So for any future scumbags reading this … if you want to fake an illness never fake having cancer as that’s the easiest disease to debunk and disprove as you’d have to explain why you don’t show any signs of cancer treatment like Cemo giving you hair loss

fake something like a bad case of covid or the flu or bad food poisoning as those symptoms are easier to fak

like Jesus Christ Lily I was taught not to go overboard on fake illnesses when I watched Ferris Buellar did you miss the part where Ferris specifically tells the audience not to go overboard like faking a fever

LO already faked having covid three times before... while the rest of the world was rightfully very anxious and scared over the actual pandemic and danger of covid. i remember that LO would even use her supposed diagnosis (that wasn't such, i think she herself said that she never needed to get diagnosed either) to dismiss the illness altogether, insisting "it's just a cold" and then go on to complain about the government still treating a pandemic as a real threat. why do i believe that she faked that? because in one stream (it might have been a squadpost episode even), while talking to Ginger, who talked about actually having covid and needing a long time to recover, LO said "i think i had covid because i had a lot of gas and i read that covid can be a sympton of that."

at that point LO claimed to have had covid more than one time. more than one time, keep in mind. and yet she didn't know what it felt like or what the symptoms were? suddenly she wasn't sure what having covid is like? after already using her own experience as a reason why people shouldn't worry so much about it?

that was the moment i knew LO absolutely had no integrity and no care at all about the health of anyone following her. taking out of the way the lack of tactfulness to bring out gas when someone is talking about very severe symptoms they did experienced and left them bedridden, i have never met a single person who had covid talking like that about it. i had covid once and you can believe me, i read extensively about all the possible symptoms as soon i found out because even if i couldn't do anything about it, i liked to know. i read about them too when i lost family to the disease and much wasn't known. the only people who never did any research, not even by chance, were the people denying that the virus even exists. of course there could be exceptions, but on LO's case? it just seemed another case of her lying to try to be more interesting/give her bad takes more legitimacy and then forgetting she lied about it before, only to talk about whatever gas she was having. after that, why wouldn't she also lie about cancer?