#not a movie Id recommend for a number of reasons. I think you have to be equal parts a Sting enjoyer and a Fucked Up Sex Movie enjoyer to

[spacepunksupreme]

kind of incredible how many different posters and dvd covers there are for a difficult to find, kind of mediocre, remake of a banned tv movie that doenst even have its own wiki page

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/2/2024

in which i try to clean two different boxes with varying success

new people: hello! the tuesdaypost is a weekly roundup of stuff i've been listening, reading, watching, playing, and making. it is NOT a recommendation series, although i sometimes dabble in critique. when im firing on all cylinders i ask "what is the core concept of this? does it succeed in what i think it's trying to do and what it says it's doing?is it well-made but i dislike it/beautiful but not for me? why? what parts Really Work?"

if you are into purity culture, yelling at other people about the problematic media they consume, or are under 18 i am going to have very little patience for you.

listening

now that i live in houston i am legally obliged to loop the new beyonce album 24/7. there is absolutely truly nobody fucking doing it like her. every song is a multimedia art piece. goddamn do i miss the album as a tool to convey a specific concept/listening order/flow. sometimes (chappell roan most recently comes to mind, although it does feel unfair to compare anyone to beyonce) every individual song is pretty good but the listening experience if you sit down and listen all the way through the album is unpleasant and choppy. not so here. NEVER here.

my favorite like Dance Number is YA YA (it samples nancy sinatra's boots! and the beach boys' good vibrations! wildly different tones despite coming out a year apart!)

the one that goes on four different character/tone playlists is BODYGUARD.

great early roundup of influences, samples, and collaborators. delighted to see five fingers for marseilles listed, a rocky but underrated south african neo-western free on tubi rn for americans

-

reading

also very texas-relevant with the recent pornhub lawsuits! pornhub and sex tech (among other things) have been samantha cole's beat for almost ten years. i trust her to report sensitively and not for like. shock clicks

this site has a free paywall (sign up with your email for a link to the full article) so bots have a harder time scraping articles: this is a journalist-founded site with only the four founders running it and writing articles. while annoying i do think this is a reasonable measure

The platform still has problems, but after years of critical reporting and a litany of legal and reputational consequences, Pornhub is now more heavily moderated than any other porn platform, and most major social media platforms, for that matter. A growing list of age verification laws has put Pornhub in a position where it is compelled to block access to its site in seven states and counting. In theory, these laws are designed to prevent children from being able to access pornography online. In reality, what is going to happen is that children are going to end up on pornographic sites that don’t care what the law says, and where some of the most harmful content that exists online is actively promoted to them.

she's also got a new limited series podcast with CBC about the rise and fall of pornhub, which was fascinating and kept me company during an extremely early morning drive

-

watching

i'm lukewarm about this one but i spend a lot of time getting there, much like this movie

ive been watching a lot of frankly dogshit thrillers, which has made me wonder: what's the deal with supervillans? where did they come from? and thence arrived at the prototypical film Dr Mabuse the Gambler (1922, dir. Lang). the four and a half hour cut on Kanopy is two normal-length movies superglued together, which makes sense as a streaming product but it is sort of a terrifying runtime and took me three days to get through.

sometimes, as we know, i get a real bee in my bonnet about visiting the early versions of things. dr mabuse is the blueprint for every james bond and mission impossible villain, or really any shadowy supervillain with power over [INDUSTRY] or [THE MARKET]. it is a four and a half hour long cat and mouse game through lavish, eccentric sets between mabuse and prosecutor wenk. it has some trouble sustaining itself bc it is four and a half hours long but does deliver on the cat and mouse aspects. this letterboxed review has interesting things to say about the political climate of 1922 germany and how lang subverts the formula of the pulp serial.

really the film opens with mabuse yelling at his cocaine-addicted assistant, but the film properly gets going with mabuse's henchmen stealing a trade agreement (nothing really carbon dates a movie more than a missing trade agreement. vanishingly few post-early-30s movies have missing trade agreements as plot points) and then he crashes the stock market. for fun and profit.

however. i think every time you see an evil man who is a banker or stockbroker or generally uses money as power you have to interrogate whether it's antisemitic. the answer here is "maybe" but i'm not sure if intent matters when contemporary nazi critics were eager to hold mabuse up as "this is the typical jewish criminal". (sorry about the link directly to wikipedia, it's been touch finding online sources for this section). mabuse is not specifically jewish, but there are certainly elements of stereotype. i am still not good at being presented with "this movie has a shadowy behind the scenes figure manipulating the government and all the money ever" and going "hey wait a minute".

after that tremendous glaring caveat, for which i read more contemporary reviews and reviews in general than i ever read for movies in these posts, is it good? eh. a contemporary VARIETY review remarked (and i largely agree)

The direction of Fritz Lang has moments – but Lang somewhat negates his good technical effects by twenty forty-word captions of a ludicrous unconciseness.

the night scenes are particularly well done, and imo are better than many modern night scenes--other contemporary reviews remarked

In this film the techniques of the film camera (Carl Hoffmann’s brilliant photography) are brought to perfection. The problem of how to film lit-up streets at night has been solved for the first time. It is unbelievably impressive to see the glaring lights of speeding cars flash through the night or the rapid passing of an elevated train of the initially blurred, then gradually focussed glimpse through a pair of opera glasses on to the variety stage, the nuances of light and shade—these things alone prove the value of film documentary.

look at this shit! filmed from within the cars! in 1922!!!

this film asks you to believe hypnotism is real and really effective, so i don't think it's that big of a leap when it asks you to believe in ghosts. i don't understand that quibble from contemporary viewers. there are several on screen suicides with like. specific methods. which is not currently regarded as good filmmaking practice. im curious to know what contemporary audiences thought but couldn't immediately turn anything up, and wading through masters’ theses on cinematic suicide is a little beyond my current mental health.

if i were a more content-minded woman this would turn into a clickbait video essay about the antisemitic origins of every supervillan. however i am unqualified and untalented at video editing and i'm sure there are forty theses on this already. this movie is a hard sell to anyone jewish or employed. it is also a stunning example of cutting-edge film technology and part of the genesis of the modern supervillan. Fritz Lang films tend to fall in the category of “movies i am happy to see once and feel no need to revisit”.

-

playing

playing what is effectively the same game three times back to back (breath of the wild, tears of the kingdom, genshin impact) has sort of burned me out on open world games with a focus on battle skill progression and stumbling across little puzzles in the overworld. i have to get itch.io up and running on this pc and find the most linear jankiest possible one-sitting indie thing. or several of them. i might try the solo ttrpg Gentleman Bandit i seem to have acquired in one of the giant charity bundles

brief breath of the wild update bc i don't want to pull screenshots off my switch: i have gotten to the boss fight for the gerudo and goron regions, have not completed them bc my focus in this game is NOT hearts, and am in the middle of the zora temple. despite the quality of life improvements and new regions in totk i think i prefer botw: progression is a bit easier, there are fewer mmo-style hub quests and repeatable quests. things like the stable photos are cute but very repetitive, so are the sign bracing puzzles, and the sky crystal quests for sky shrines feel VERY samey. also dislike how the CLEAR OUT: [REGION] quests with the monster suppression squads reset at the blood moon.

anyway! to genshin! there was an exceptionally fun little event with a surprisingly involved management sim tacked onto the game??? you make and sell potions fulfilling different requirements, and can eventually stock travelling merchants all over the continent. the actual act of making the potions was this block-filling 1010! style thing (screenshot from polygon)

the new region, a port town and tea-growing area called Chenyu Vale, is maybe the prettiest one in the game so far? it's the one that feels the most picturesque and Designed, like this is one huge mansion garden studded with follies. they also added background chatter and noise in the cities and towns, which really startled me and makes them feels much more lived in! this is a fun trick to avoid putting in a thousand NPCs and making everyone's framerate crash. the less stuff in your game, the less shit can go wrong.

also pulled for and got chiyori, a geo-aligned seamstress (and sometime spy???) swordswoman who has what i can only call domme voice

-

making

ok now we'll talk about boxes. i was rearranging my kitchen, as unemployed women are known to do, and noticed this recipe box i picked up back in mass was disgusting. the finish is starting to fail but it was genuinely grody and last summer i packed my kitchen in a blind panic inside an hour and did not have time to address it. i have never seen a recipe box at an estate sale before or since and it made me desperately sad.

it was full of a lot of stuff.

i went at it with a somewhat inadvisable combination of things: wood soap didn't budge it, so i dampened a paper towel in vinegar and wiped it down in the vain hope it would do something. the thing that worked, and would be inadvisable for anything veneered or less densely textured, was baking soda paste and the scrubby side of a sponge. it still smells Very musty even after 48h of loose baking soda inside with several changes, but that might be partly the recipe cards' fault. i would like to refinish this at some point but i don't have polyurethane on hand and the fun little project budget is empty until further notice/i get a job.

the hinge did rust a bit despite my best efforts but that has since been lightly steel wooled and oiled. a well loved object! it's possible the lady who died just fucking sucked and that's why literally her entire estate including many other things families usually keep was on sale, but i would like to think perhaps she simply had no other family? a well loved/used object even if all the recipes are for semi-horrifying fifties new england recipes.

the other box, pre-acids but post-washing: this topp trading card box with seven episode one packets of cards was intact with the original seal. i have verified it was not worth much more than the $5 i paid for it with the trading card obsessed man in my best friend's husband's friendgroup. i bought this three months ago but the man was unavailable to open it until uhhh last week. some sort of liquid got inside it at some point and it was super corroded. i was going to store embroidery floss in here but even with all my powers (barkeepers friend. brasso.) i cannot completely remove the corrosion. it's not corroded Through but it looks bad and feels rough. so it goes. it'll probably hold the tiedown straps in my car bc that plastic bucket is rapidly failing

[lunatic-fandom-space]

OKAY i just finished the 2000s Jesus Christ Superstar movie and I really enjoyed it as well. At the start I was under the impression that this was meant to be like, an actual movie adaptation and not 'just' a filmed version of the stage musical but when the last supper scene started I realized that theyve been on the same set the whole time and the only other set theyve shown was that small room where they sang This Jesus Must Die, so this was probably meant to be a fairly straight forward recording of the stage show only with some more elaborate and cinematic camera work. And I made that whole post complaining about the more theatrical staging of the 2000s film and why it didnt work and then I realized its because I really misjudged the filmmakers intentions and I was able to enjoy the movie way more after that.

Id say both movies are equally good, they just have different strengths. Like, if you prefer something thats grittier and closer to reality and is filmed more like a traditional movie, Id recommend the 70s film but if you prefer something more colorful and theatrical and presumably more accurate to the stage show, Id recommend the 2000s film.

Personally, I think im leaning more towards the 70s movie because while theres so much to like about the 2000s one, I just cant get past the actors they got for Jesus and Judas. I already didnt like Jesus in the original movie so the only thing that really changes here are my reasons for disliking him. I think in one of my previous posts I said that 70s movie Jesus brought the Jesus Christ while 2000s movie Jesus brought the Superstar and I prefer Jesus Christ and. yeah, cant sum it up any better than that

What they did with Judas was just awful though. The second the actor came on screen I was like "ohhhhhh noooooooo I dont think Im gonna like this guy" and yeah, I didnt. But unlike with Jesus where he really wasnt written or framed different and it mostly came down to the performance, i feel like they really went out of their way to portray him as way more malicious and antagonistic and it was just bad man. Like, when Mary is done putting Jesus to bed and singing her song about how He Scares Her So they reintroduce him like some kinda horror movie villain and like we're meant to be jumpscared by him its so weird. And then during that last song hes not wearing white and singing exclusively with presumed angels, hes wearing red and black like he did before the betrayal and hes singing with all these women who are also dressed in red and black but theres also this choir of angels in the background and its just messy and confusing. Like, I was kinda confused by that scene in the original movie but thats because the location suddenly changed, the actual point of it was pretty clear to me; Judas and his backup singers are audience inserts who are trying to make sense of Jesus and the things he did. In the 2000s movie there are two groups, the angels and Judas' guys and the latter appear needlessly antagonistic towards Jesus for no real reason because of the framing and because of the way Judas has been characterized. It feels like theyre taunting him, its so weird and I really dont like it. Also, while the actors singing voice was alright for most of the film (I didnt like his delivery but he wasnt an awful singer or anything) during the song right before he dies his voice just sounds so rough and raspy and awful, I really hate actors in a musical movie are like "oh Im letting the acting take precedent over the singing, oh im applying the reality of the situation I cant sing this pretty" because thats not the point of musicals!! stop it!!!

The other big issue I had was that there were no breaks between musical numbers whatsoever so Id often get whiplash because there was practically no breathing room between songs. Like, JCS is entirely sung-through with no real spoken dialogue but you gotta have a few breaks in there man (also they had those breaks in the 70s movie and it was a lot better that way)

But thats enough complaining, lets get to the shit I liked!! Right off the bat, I liked Judad kissing Jesus because the way it was filmed and acted made it look like Judas just went in for a straight up makeout session and I love that. Judas/Jesus shippers stay winning!

I also adored the lighting and and the camerawork, there were so many striking still images and they made great use of contrasting colors and dark silhouettes like during the crucifiction and when Mary was telling jesus to rest and the set was bathed in this cool shade of dark blue while they were both this warm orange and when they were singing This Jesus Must Die in that black room with the cool lighting and then the screens on the walls suddenly turned on and brought in these warm orange undertones

Speaking of This Jesus Must Die, I loved the way they handled that scene and the Hosanna, Heysanna scene right afterwards, its probably one of my favorite sequences in the movie

The scene ends with a bunch of guys in like riot police gear coming out and trying to arrest everyone/beat everyone to death and then right after that we get the bit where theyre all like Did You See I Waved I Believe In You And God So Tell Me That Im Saved and theyre passing around guns and stuff and I have no strong feelings about that, I just dont know why its there. I get the vibe that they were trying to go for more relevant political commentary since they were modernizing this story about a guy being wrongfully executed by a tyrannical government anyway, but then just gave up abount a third or a quarter of the way through only for it show up again for a brief moment at the very end, its pretty strange.

That being said, I really liked this anachronistic setting they managed to build here. One of the things i really enjoyed about the 70s movie was that it was set in the actual time period of Jesus death and then they would just throw in a small filler scene of Judas running away from some actual fucking tanks. It was really bizarre but it also really adds to the charm of that movie imo. They were definitely more deliberate about it here and had a more consistent tone as a result though, so I think I prefer the 2000s movie

I still didnt really get Pilates deal, even after someone in my replies graciously explained it to me. He just doesnt really have a clear through-line and he feels oddly unimportant considering hes yknow, the guy who gave the order to crucify Jesus, which is a pretty big deal Ive heard

Tangentially related to that guy, I love love love the scene of Jesus getting whipped. If theres one thing Ive learned about myself in these past few weeks its that I like my men how I like my sidewalks; wet n dirty. And BOY did they get our guy wet and dirty!! with blood. And then afterwards when the crowd is trying to get Pilates to crucify him and all these black hooded figures reach out to him with with blood red hands and its visually similar to a previous scene where Jesus was surrounded by beggars, ough I was going sick mode babeyyyyy

Speaking of that scene with the beggars, I think they did a good job of conveying the claustrophobia and the urgency and the rapid escalation, but they shouldve done less of those slow fade transitions and more hard cuts. Also, this scene, that scene where he gets caught and the crowd is taunting him as hes walked to his execution and the scene where he gets whipped and each strike is one person individually hitting him and coating him with blood are all great at conveying how uncomfortable being touched without consent like that is even if its not sexual or anything. It tapped into something very specific for me and i dont know if I'll be able to explain it well but here it goes: i like to write these fucked up little short stories in my free time and Ive recently developed something of a fascination with religion, mainly as a concept I can use to write more interesting stories. And a common theme in all those stories i came up with since i developed that fascination has been the horror of having bodily autonomy taken away from you, specifically how awful it feels to be touched in a non-consentual non-sexual way and those scenes were very striking to me because of that

7/10, they shouldve stayed more faithful to the original and had every guy show some boob

[sebstanns]

Girlfriend

Summary: Holder gets hurt and needs you to take care of him. Fluff + smut.

Warnings: 18+ for sexual content. Sex, masturbation, mentions of injury, swearing.

AN: This is longer than I intended, I'm just so soft for him!

Tagging: @infatuatedjanes @nerdysuperchick @agirllovespancakes @phoenixhalliwell @luxeavenger @xoxabs88xox @undisputed-bucky @infuriatinglyoptimistic @mellxander1993 @runic-belova @hxbbit @marvelousmermaid @sabinemorans @ithinkwehitametaphor @kesskirata

Please let me know if you want to be added / removed.

You're at dinner when you get the call. On a date, actually. Not recognising the number you ignore it, only to see later that the mystery caller left a voice mail. You listen to it in the cab on your way home, the usual post-date dissatisfaction hanging over you.

"H-hi, you don't know me, my name is Liz....I'm Stephen Holder's sister. I don't want to worry you but he's in the hospital, he got pretty beat up, and he keeps asking for you."

Your stomach drops and your heart rate kicks up, what had he got himself into?

"I got your number from his phone, I hope that's OK. Um, the thing is I have to go and get my kid to bed and I'd feel better if someone was here with Stephen. Could you come to the hospital please? He obviously thinks a lot of you and....Well, come if you can. St Mary's. Thanks. Bye."

You instruct the cab driver to change course to St Mary's and ruminate on your relationship with Holder. You were previously fuck buddies, an arrangement which suited you both - a no strings tension release. In your car, various bar bathrooms and once, memorably, in a supply closet at work. Then one night he had shown up to your apartment unexpectedly with Chinese food and a crooked smile. You had eaten, talked, and watched a movie snuggled up on the sofa. It was nice, he was so easy to be around, and he made you laugh.

When you had gone to bed that night it was nothing but softness and tenderness, losing yourselves in each other, and it felt more like making love than fucking. But waking up the next morning, tangled in his arms and long legs, you realised that you had to put a stop to it. You were falling for him, and you couldn't bear to let someone else in only to get hurt for the millionth time. Also your lieutenent had mentioned that they were recommending you for the sergeant's exam, and you figured that it probably wasn't the best idea to be sleeping with a colleague.

When you had told Holder that you shouldn't see each other again outside of work, citing the sergeant's exam as the reason - there had been a brief flicker in his eyes and he had shrugged.

"Whatever, you do you."

That was six weeks ago, since then it had just been nods and curt hellos in corridors...now this.

You were worried, you couldn't deny it. You also couldn't deny that you missed him, especially after the string of disappointing dates you'd been on.

You have to show your ID at reception because it's so late, and technically visiting hours are over.

"Room 28, he might be asleep." The receptionist sighs wearily.

However when you get to Holder's room, he's sitting up in bed watching TV. Observing him through the little window in the door, your heart aches at the sight of his bruised face and stitched forehead. You've never seen him look so vulnerable.

You open the door with a little knock, he turns and his face lights up.

"Yo, here she is!" He croaks.

"Did Liz leave?" You ask, trying not to stare too much.

"Yeah, had to get little man home."

You sit on the chair at his bedside and sigh. "What happened Holder?"

"Got into a tussle with my CI." He huffs.

"Over what?"

"The bastard gave me false information ok? Caused a lot of shit at the station and made me look like a fucking rookie." He spits.

"Ok ok." You sooth. "Settle down."

You both turn when the door opens and a nurse pokes her head in. "Oh hello. I'm sorry, visiting hours are over."

"It's ok Norma, she's my girlfriend." Holder pipes up.

You shoot him a death stare and he grins weakly.

"Still, you should leave." Norma says. "We'll be discharging him in the morning, it might be a good idea to bring him some clean clothes."

"You'll be here, won't you babe?" He winks.

"Yes darling." You murmer. It was the least you could do. "How injured is he, exactly?"

"Minor contusions, bruised ribs. He's lucky."

"Yeah I feel real lucky." Holder mutters.

"I'll give you another minute." Norma says briskly.

"I guess I'll need your keys then." You say, standing up.

"In my pocket." Holder nods toward a chair where his clothes are folded neatly. You fish in his jeans pocket, trying to ignore the streaks of blood on everything.

"You want me to take these home and wash them?" You ask, holding the jeans at arms length.

"Nah, just throw them away." He says quietly.

You slip the keys into your bag. "Do you want me to bring anything besides clothes?"

Holder shakes his head, squinting at you. "How come you're dressed up?"

"Oh." You look down at your dress and heels. "I was having dinner with a friend."

He looks at you dolefully. "A friend, huh?"

Just then Norma returns, saving you from any more awkward questions. "Ready to leave?"

You give Holder a little wave as you go, he nods and turns his attention back to the TV.

* * * *

The next morning, you drop by Holder's apartment on the way to the hospital, and are shocked by how organised and clean it is. You water his plants and browse his bookshelves, before you remember why you're really there, quickly grabbing some clothes and underwear out of his bedroom. Before you leave you make sure that his bed is made and clean, and turn the heating on ready for him to come home.

At the hospital he's still in bed, filling out discharge forms.

"Morning." You smile, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

He looks up at you, his eyes lingering. "I'm almost finished with these fucking forms."

You pull out the clothes you picked, a hoodie and sweatpants. "These ok?"

"Anything's better than this." Holder frowns, pulling at his hospital gown.

With relief, you notice that his bloody clothes have vanished.

Norma appears in the doorway with a smile. "Everything all right Stephen?"

"Yeah. Here." He holds the forms out for her. "Anyone would think you're trying to get rid of me or something."

"Never." Norma winks at you conspiratorally and you smile faintly.

"Let's get you dressed." You say, suddenly eager to leave.

"I can do it myself. I ain't no invalid." He grumbles, limping off to the bathroom.

You stand with Norma in awkward silence as you wait.

"You ok in there Hold - Stephen?" You call.

"I'll be out in a minute!" He replies, like a petulant teenager.

Norma smiles indulgently. "I was married to a cop for ten years. Most stressful time of my life. "

Holder emerges and your stomach flutters because he looks kind of adorable, his hair sticking up in odd places from pulling the hoodie on. You reach up and comb your fingers through it, trying to flatten it. He grins at you and you giggle, feeling yourself flush.

"Well aren't you two the sweetest." Norma murmurs, insincerely.

* * * *

Holder dozes off in the cab on the way to his apartment, his head falling onto your shoulder. It makes something inside you ache, and when you wake him up he looks so lost and sad you just want to kiss him and make it all better.

Once inside his apartment, Holder slumps on the couch, and reaches for the TV remote.

"Are you hungry?" You ask, slipping some cushions behind him.

"Nah. I could go for a juice box though, there's some in the fridge." He says, flicking through channels.

"Juice box Holder, really? How old are you?" You smirk.

"I keep 'em for my nephew. Besides, they're damn tasty. Grab one and see."

The fridge is empty apart from the juice boxes and a carton of eggs on the verge of expiring.

"You need food." You state, handing him the juice.

"Thanks. Don't worry about it, I'll order something."

"You can't just live off takeout, you're recovering. I saw a grocery store on the corner, I'll just go down and grab a couple of things." You say, reaching for your purse.

"You don't have to do that," He says, gazing up at you. "You've done enough. I'm sorry that you got roped into all this."

"I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself Holder." You say lightly. "I promised Norma."

He chuckles. "Oh. Well, then."

* * * *

As you walk the short distance to the store your phone starts buzzing. Seeing your mom's number, your heart sinks. SHIT.

"Mom-"

"Where are you? We've been waiting for half an hour. "

Brunch with your mom, sister and nieces had completely slipped your mind.

"I'm so sorry mom, go ahead without me. I had an emergency."

She sighs down the phone. "Let me guess, work?"

You try to ignore exasperated tone. "My friend got hurt, I had to take care of them."

"Oh. I'm sorry, are they going to be all right?"

"Yes, thanks. Look I'm really sorry, I promise I'll make it next time."

"It's fine honey, we're used to it." She murmurs.

Your blood starts to boil, feeling like chastised little girl.

"I've got to go mom." You say through gritted teeth.

"Of course. Goodbye dear."

"Bye mom, love you."

After you hang up you notice all the missed messages from your sister. Oops. Sighing, you head into the store.

* * * *

On your return you find Holder asleep on the couch, his hood pulled down over his eyes. You put the groceries away as quietly as possible, soup, more juice boxes, vegan protein bars, bananas.

He stirs slightly when you pull a blanket over him and you get that feeling again, that ache in your chest. You realise it's the overwhelming need to take care of him, protect him, because you care about him. You care about Stephen Holder.

"Shit." You mutter under your breath.

You make yourself a hot chocolate and curl up on the armchair opposite the couch, with the TV on low.

An hour or so passes before Holder wakes, peeking out from under his hood, he looks surprised to see you.

"Hey." You smile softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." He yawns, gingerly sitting up.

Your eyes drift down towards the sizable tent in his sweatpants and despite yourself, you feel your pussy twitch.

"Oh." Holder laughs, looking down. "What can I say, I was dreaming about you."

"Yeah right." You snort.

"It's true baby." He smiles, biting his lip.

"You need a cold shower, Holder." You swallow, looking away, flustered.

"I got a better idea." He croons. "Why don't you help me out." He pushes his pants down and his erection springs free. "C'mon it's been so long. I missed you."

The sight of his thick cock makes your mouth start to water and the heat spread between your legs.

"You mean there hasn't been anyone else since we..." You trail off.

Holder's hand is on his cock now, lazily stroking himself. "Nah. I don't want nobody else."

"Me neither. " You quietly admit.

"Really? What about the 'friend' you were with last night?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"He's nobody. My sister set it up."

Holder smirks. "Nobody compared to me you mean?"

You start to crawl towards him. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Absolutely. Come on over here. " He says lowly, holding his hand out to you while he continues to jerk off.

You stop next to the couch and lean over, kissing him softly.

"Up here." He says, patting his thighs. "I want your pussy. "

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry about hurting me, baby." He grins and watches as you stand up, pulling off your jeans and underwear.

"Fuck, I missed your sweet cunt." He murmers as you straddle him, wary of leaning on him too heavily.

He grabs your hair and kisses you hungrily, you kiss him back, hard, licking into his mouth. He makes a needy noise in the back of his throat, spurring you on, and you start pulling off his hoodie. He winces a little and you pause.

"Sorry." You mumble, kissing his neck and shoulders, mindful of the bruises on his torso.

Holder opens your shirt, fumbling with the buttons. "I missed these titties too, fuck." He gropes them, pushing your bra down and taking a nipple into his mouth. You can't take much more, it's almost embarrassing how much you want him inside you.

You wrap your hand around his cock and lower yourself slowly onto him, inch by inch.

He gasps and lays back on the cushions. "You feel so fucking good."

You rock your hips as gently as you can, bracing your hand on the wall above the couch. Oh, you've missed him too. The way his cock fills you perfectly, the way he looks up at you.

"Is this OK?" You ask softly.

"Yeah." He nods, his hand squeezing your ass. "Don't stop."

As you continue to fuck him gently, in the most restrained way possible, his fingers make their way between your legs where your bodies join. He lightly touches your clit and you can feel it throbbing under his fingertips. It's almost unbearable; you're used to the wham bam with Holder, he knows your body so well you usually climax within 15 minutes. You'd be grabbing him, sinking your nails into his back, biting his lip. But this, this was taking time.

Evidently Holder is impatient too, he can't help but bucking up into you, applying more pressure to your clit. You moan as you feel your cunt start to pulse around him and he stiffens under you, his hips stuttering as he comes deep inside you.

"Are you ok?" You ask, stroking his hair.

"I love you." He blurts, staring up at you, his pupils still lust blown.

"Oh." You breathe, feeling your stomach dip.

Holder's eyes flicker with disappointment and he swallows. "I mean I love fucking you. That's what I meant."

"I love you too, Stephen." You say softly, and it sounds so right.

He smiles then, his eyes lighting up.

You clear your throat. "I mean, I love fucking you too."

Holder chuckles. "Right. Juice box?"

[deadbiwrites]

hey, for the ask thing, can you do #9 under random: “You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”

This one was so fun!!

--

Kara doesn’t drink, usually.

It’s not like, a thing, that she doesn’t drink. Some sort of moral or religious blah blah whatever, it’s just that she… doesn’t.

So when she’s dragged out to the bar for Nia’s 21st birthday, she expects it to be more of the same- her friends will get drunk, Brainy will dominate at the trivia game that’ll inevitably be crawling across a screen at the bar, Nia will flirt with Brainy, Alex will stare and sigh at Sam all night, James and Mike will inevitably get at each other’s throats (how they manage to play on the same team without killing each other, Kara will never know), Mike will flirt with her and be hurt when she shoots him down, James will pull out his camera and take candids that Alex will doubtlessly demand to see and then delete immediately, and Kara will eventually wrangle them all into her minivan and drive them back to campus.

A typical Thirsty Thursday with her closest friends (and also Mike, for some reason).

Except that tonight, instead of Al’s, the dive they usually flock to, they’re at some martini bar downtown. And though the reasoning makes sense (Nia can’t really openly celebrate her 21st at the bar she’s been frequenting for the past 2 years with a fake ID), and it is her birthday and she wants to go someplace-

“Swanky,” Alex murmurs as Sam lets out a low whistle behind them.

This is barely a bar, it more closely resembles a set from a 30’s noir movie, with the large chandeliers dripping crystal overhead and the rich, polished wooden floor underfoot. For crying out loud, there’s a live jazz band- not a quartet, a full band- across what is clearly a dance floor, and the waiters and waitresses are all dressed in vests and ties (and not the cheap kind Kara had to wear for the week she worked at the catering company).

In short, it’s gorgeous, and glamorous, and she’s infinitely glad she’d asked Nia what she should wear because her usual jeans-and-a-sweater combo surely wouldn’t fly here, but the suit she wore to her cousin’s wedding this past summer definitely does.

They’re greeted by a friendly but slightly harangued-looking hostess, who quickly ushers their group to a large booth in the corner. Each of them peruses the drink menu, and quickly realize that they have no idea what any of the cocktails listed actually are.

"Yeah, great, this is- I love doing a Google search to get drunk," Alex grumbles sarcastically as she scrolls through her phone, pulling a face at something or other. "How many of these have absinthe in them? Jesus."

Kara laughs. "What, no green fairies for you tonight?"

"It was one time!"

"Aw, we still like you even though you're afraid of the mean, scary alcohol," Sam coos at Alex, smile tinged with an edge of teasing and Alex melts like so much wax before a flame.

Ridiculous. 

"Make out already," Nia jeers. When they both flip her off she turns to Kara, seemingly confused. "That was a legitimate suggestion, though?"

"I know. One day," Kara hums, throwing her arm around Nia’s shoulder and pulling her into a half-hug.

Their waiter appears, smooth and charming and managing to get Winn firmly under his spell in a matter of seconds. But in Winn's defense, he has a perfect smile, great hair, and a British accent.

Poor boy never stood a chance against all that. They each place their orders for a fancy drink, and when the waiter, Jack, turns his attention to Kara, Alex interrupts with, "She wants a Potion D'Amour."

"Oh, a love potion," he muses, smiling at Kara. His eyes catch on something and his smile widens. "I know just the lady to make it for you. Back in a tick."

And he's off before Kara can protest. Resigned, she turns to her sister. "Why?"

Alex rolls her eyes fondly. "Just take a sip. If you don't like it, one of us will finish it for you.”

“Fine, fine.”

--

So, as it turns out, Kara likes the love potion. A lot.

“It tastes like berries,” Kara marvels.

“We know, Kara, you told us when you were drinking the last one,” Alex chuckles.

“And the one before that,” Nia adds.

“You guys are so nice. I love you all so much.”

“Well at least she’s a happy drunk,” James chuckles.

“‘m not drunk,” Kara insists. “‘m always happy, ya butts.”

“Sure Kar, and the sky is red.”

Kara frowns as her friends all laugh. “Rude. Who wants another one?”

They all raise a hand, and Kara moves off in the general direction of the bar.

Or, well, she does her best.

“Hey there! Did you need something, luv?”

It’s Jack-the-waiter, looking at her with some bemusement.

“Yeah! Hi, sorry. Um, they all want more drinks, and I just, um…”

“Needed a break?”

She slumps in relief. “Yeah. Is that bad? Like, I love them and all, but I think I’m kinda drunk and they’re… a lot.”

Jack chuckles. “Trust me, I understand. If you want a minute of quiet, there’s a stool on the end of the bar that no one ever sits in. Got your name on it.”

“Thanks! You’re a very good waiter. Hey, d’you have any drink recommendations? Maybe one a little, um… lighter?”

“‘Course I do luv. Really fancy, too. C’mere, I’ll tell ya,” Jack says, motioning her close. When Kara is a few inches away, he tells her the secret. “It’s called ‘coffee’.”

Kara laughs as he winks and moves away to another table. She spots the empty barstool he’d mentioned and ambles over, dropping into it with a sigh. From here, she has a view of approximately nothing, given its location behind a pillar, and she leans back against the wall, the cool wood paneling chilly even through her jacket and shirt. 

“Long night?”

Kara’s eyes flutter open (when did they close? Maybe she is drunk…) and across from her is quite probably the most beautiful person she’s ever seen in her life.

“Wow.”

The girl smirks, quirking a brow upward. “You okay there?”

“Yeah. I um, I think I just had too many love potions.”

“Oh, so it was you ordering those,” the pretty, pretty girl drawls. “They’re a pain in the ass to make, you know. Mostly the garnish, but still, I’m tempted to be annoyed with you, for being so high-maintenance.”

“Oh, Jack said he knew the girl for the job!” Kara says. “They were really good, I usually don’t even drink, but those were great.”

“Well well, keep talking, I thrive on flattery,” the girl jokes. She extends a hand. “Lena.”

“Kara, Kara Danvers. Wow, your hands are big.”

Lena barks a delighted laugh. “You have all the subtlety of a hand grenade, Kara Danvers.”

Kara flushes. “Oh, that’s- wow, sorry.”

“You’re fine. Like I said, I thrive on flattery,” Lena says, throwing her a very cute two-eyed wink. She turns suddenly, fixing a polite, professional smile on her face. “Good evening, sir. What can I get for you?”

“Another round for my friends. And your number, gorgeous.”

Mike.

Lena remains polite, face impassive even as Kara hastily ducks out of sight under the bar. “What drinks did you and your friends have?”

“I dunno, fancy stuff. The waiter guy probably knows- my friend was supposed to come get us another round, but she probably bailed.”

“Oh yeah? Not much of a partier?” Lena asks, eyes darting to (hidden) Kara.

“Nah. Don’t get me wrong, Kara can be cool, but she’s a little… uptight. Needs to relax every once in a while.”

“Uh-huh.”

“So what’s your story, beautiful? You come here often?”

There’s a beat of silence before Lena drawls, “Well I work here, so… I’d have to say yes…”

Kara claps a hand over her mouth to muffle the laugh she can’t keep inside.

This obviously throws Mike off whatever game he thinks he has. “Oh, that- right. Um. That was a joke.”

“Of course, sir. I’ll ask your waiter what your order was- do you know who he is?”

“Um… he has a beard?”

“Jack, his name is Jack,” Kara mutters under her breath.

“Right. I’ll ask him. Did you need anything else?”

“No, thanks.”

There’s an extended silence before Lena says, “You can come up for air now, Kara Danvers.” 

Kara peeks over the edge of the bar, flushing again when Lena snickers at her.

“Good friend of yours?”

“No. He’s- I don’t even know why he’s here? Like one day we all hated him and then the next he was always around. Nia doesn’t even like him, and it’s her birthday.”

“Really? Good that she doesn’t- seems like a douche.”

Kara barks out a laugh, smothering in quickly and grinning behind her palm as Lena grins slyly over at her without turning her head. “He is a douche. He always asks me out even though I’ve told him no, like, a million times.”

Lena frowns at this, turning her attention fully to Kara. “Does he?”

“Yeah. My sister hates his guts, and so does our friend James, but somehow he just… sticks around.” Kara shrugs. “He’s pretty harmless, just really annoying.”

Lena hums, gaze narrowed. “He’s not worth your politeness, Kara.”

“Eh. Besides, I’m kinda doing the same thing to you, right? Just like, demanding all your attention?”

Lena bobbles her head side to side. “I’d say it’s a bit different.”

“Why, because I’m drunk?” Kara laughs. “‘m sorry about that, by the way.”

“First off, I don’t think you’re all that drunk,” Lena confides, leaning over the bar so . “Those drinks really aren’t all that strong. And secondly, there’s a difference because I am actually enjoying your attention, Kara Danvers.”

“Oh. Oh, okay. Cool,” Kara mutters to herself.

Lena smirks. “So, Kara Danvers- even though I already know the answer to this-, do you come here often?”

“Um, no. But I think I might start…”

Lena’s sly grin morphs into a broad smile, dimpling her cheeks and making her eyes shine in the low bar light. “Good.”

[wearethekat]

A comprehensive guide to getting the best out of your library card: free books!

okay, so you’ve been through your local library branch. You’ve read all their library books. Is there nothing left to read? NO! 

Step One: The first step to acquiring More Books is to check the library catalogue. Most libraries aren’t islands, they’re in a system with many other libraries. This can range to like three other libraries in a small city system to over thirty libraries in a multi-county system. These libraries will almost certainly ship you books from branch libraries to your home library. The best way to go about accessing these books is to google the library’s website. The catalogue should be somewhere large and obvious.

[ID <a picture of a library catalogue search bar, searching “charles, kj” by “author”> /END ID]

I’ve refined the search here by author, because I’m looking for a specific author rather using generic keywords. I hit search, and tah-dah!

[ID <the results of the search, showing 14 ebooks. The first two book titles are visible in the picture: Gilded Cage and Any Old Diamonds> /END ID]

I get 14 books in result! Unfortunately, it looks like this library system doesn’t have any physical copies of this author’s books. So we advance to Step Two of the More Books search. (if there had been physical copies, you would click a button labeled Place Hold or something similar and go through your library’s system to get them to send the book to your library.)

Step Two: if you’ve exhausted all the physical books in your library system or can’t find that specific book you’re looking for, the next place to look is your library’s ebook collections. These three sites are going to be specific to what I have access to, your library may vary.

Site one: Hoopla! Hoopla is an app, but it also works over internet browser. Hoopla has the same books no matter what library system you access it via. It also has music and movies, but it’s really mostly for ebooks, audiobooks, and comics. You read checked-out books over the hoopla app. The limit on Hoopla is you can borrow only a certain number of books per month. This depends on what you’re library has paid for. It could be three or it could be ten. Hoopla is very easy to set up, you just select your library system and enter your card barcode number, then set up a password.

[ID <a picture of search results for “k j charles” in Hoopla, which got 24 results. The first four books are visible: audiobooks for Slippery Creatures and The Sugared Game, plus ebooks of Unfit to Print and Slippery Creatures> /END ID]

tah-dah! here’s my search again on Hoopla. This gives me access to 24 more books. If I wanted the book, I’d click on the title and click “borrow.” If this was over the app on a tablet like a civilized person, it would look slightly different, but the mechanism would be the same. 

site two: Overdrive. Overdrive is another book app. It does only books, audiobooks, and a very limited range of comics. The books you can access will be specific to your library-- the library will buy the title to certain ebooks and you can only get those. How many books the collection has will vary wildly depending on your library’s funding. The limitation on Overdrive is that your library only has a certain number of “copies,” and if someone’s already got the only copy, you have to wait until they’ve finished it. 

[ID <search results for “KJ Charles” in the Overdrive app with 5 results. The screen shows the first four results: Gilded Cage, Any Old Diamonds, Band Sinister, and A Fashionable Indulgence.> /END ID]

okay, here I’ve run the search in the overdrive app. This gets me five results. as you can see, someone’s checked out the last title, so if I wanted it I’d have to go on the waitlist. Overdrive books are usually epubs that y ou can read on the app, but occasionally the only format available will be a kindle book for some reason and you’ll have to download to that app. 

site three: Enki. Enki is very specific to what I have access to, I think it’s only for a limited local geographic area. But! I am adding it just in case, I have no idea what you personally have access to. Enki specifically does obscure ebooks and random self-published stuff. This is the site to check when you can’t find the book anywhere else. The collection is fairly limited. It works the same way as Overdrive: there are a limited number of “copies” and if someone’s checked it out you have to wait. However, Enki has the same book collection no matter what library you access it through. Enki has a particularly ornery search function.

[ID <a screenshot of a search by author for “milan, courtney” with 19 results. The first two titles are showing: Duchess War and Unraveled> /END ID]

here I’ve been forced to abandon my trusty KJ Charles search since there aren’t any of her books on this site. I’m not going to show screenshots, because this is likely to be relevant to very few people. But the one important thing to remember when using Enki is when you checkout the ebook, DO NOT read in web browser. This is an absolute nightmare to use. Click “download” then “open” on the little popup and you should be able to read the book on any app you have that reads ebooks. I read mine on the Overdrive app. 

step 4: this is the nuclear option. its power is without bounds. its name is inter-inter-library loan. Unfortunately, you might not have access to it with your local library. My version is LINK+. It will send me books from a huge number of university and large public libraries across three states.

[ID <a screenshot of a search in LINK+ for “charles, kj” with 11 results. Only one title is visible, Slippery Creatures> /END ID]

it only does physical books, and I would not recommend using it if you are at all likely to turn the book in late or lose it, since they charge colossal fees ($75 plus for missing books). But this is an incredibly useful tool. Since I got access to it, I’ve gotten to read books that I wasn’t able to access in any other form. If it’s a physical book, this system will almost certainly have it.

step 5: the only real option left for More Books is getting other library cards. Would highly recommend this tactic though-- it’s very useful for both ebook apps, so you can get extra books per month/have access to better collections. Most libraries will give you a card if you have a physical address. Do you have accommodating friends/relatives who live in another area? When you visit, apply for a library card using their address!

step 6: sorry, that’s all I’ve got for free books. You’re going to have to buy the book. Try local indie bookstores, it’s always nice to support them.

general notes:

if you have technical issues with any of these things, go to your local library. Their job is to help you with this stuff, and most librarians love to be asked! They can set you up with any of the apps or help you order specific books.

 Don’t worry about returns with ebook apps, it happens automatically.

 I know that there are apps that help you search these ebook apps (such as Libby), but I don’t use them, so I’ve highlighted the individual apps here.

and about my example searches here: both KJ Charles and Courtney Milan are awesome. Go read their books!

and to any reblogs: please don’t add on names of pirate sites, okay? no book pirating is the hill I will die on, and this post is specifically for supporting your local libraries and novel authors.

[jinbestboy]

☁️thirty questions tag game☁️

tagged by // @jimindelune and @hazeltae thank you both so much i loved reading all your answers and have decided i’m in love with you both // answers under the cut bc she’s a long one

name/nickname: my full name is emma but i almost exclusively go by em unless i’m in trouble

star sign: taurus 🥰

hight: 6’2” someone call jack i think i’m his missing beanstalk

birthday: april 29 ‘98

favorite band: i mean…….. there’s the obvious answer, but outside of the kpop world id say state champs neck deep and say anything

time: 9pm ish

favorite solo artist: kpop solo is hands down IU she is out of this world, non kpop is hobo johnson

song stuck in your head: all in my head by hobo johnson (ive been really in the feels with him lately)

last movie you watched: it was still when i saw in the hights with @vantehobi i don’t watch movies :/

free space: i hope everyone had a good week last week! i’m gonna try and be more active on here again last week was so crazy with getting to see julie again and then being sad about not seeing julie anymore the whole rest of the week, anyways i missed you all love love muah. oh also this took me literally 2 days to finish why am i like this

last show: i’m watching this series on peacock with my mom called escape to the chateau and it’s ab this british couple who buy a disheveled and worn down 5 story french chateau and renovate it to live in/use for weddings and i love it sm. and as always i have parks or the office on at any given moment

when i created this blog: i’ve had it since 2015 on and off but i swapped over to a bangtan blog fully around october of last year

what i post: an absolutely nonsensical stream of consciousness in the tags of posts made by people who actually contribute to this hellsite

last thing i googled: color dropper online for the 10495903 time because i changed my theme 3 times in a day

other blogs: i keep saying i’m gonna make a girl group blog but i cant even get myself to be on this one as much as i want to be

do i get asks?: every now and then i get one from a mutual but i’m pretty sure mobile tumblr eats like at least 75% of the asks i get because i always get notifications for asks but then i go to my asks and nothing new is there it’s very frustrating so sorry if you send me an ask and it goes unanswered i probably didn’t get it at all i’m so sorry

why did i chose my url?: because kim seokjin is the absolute bestest boy and i think it’s about time that fact is publicly recognized

following?: idk like 460 something?

followers?: yes i love them 🤲🏼

average hours of sleep: fortunately i don’t start work until noon every day so i can stay up until 3 am and still get 7/8 hours of sleep which really works out. sometimes i only get 4 though bc ✌🏻🤪✌🏻

lucky number: mmmmmmm yeah no not a concept i think i can get behind anymore

instruments: i can play the ukulele! and i really wanna learn the drums and the piano but both are time consuming and expensive

what am i wearing?: a tube top and sweatpants and my knock off mic drop socks that just say mic on both sides :)

dream job?: doing what yoongi actually applied to big hit for

favorite food: this changes by the week but i’ll eat about anything with pasta or peach flavoring. also dumplings.

tea or coffee: water please 🥰🥰

nationality: unfortunately i am all american

favorite song: no no, no. i have favorite songS that are all very important to me for different reasons i can’t get myself to explain rn but atm the toppers are 28 and spring day ALWAYS, epiphany, paradise, 134340, home, serendipity, cry for me and also likey by twice, romeo and juliet and also mover awayer and also all in my head by hobo johnson, all you are is history by state champs, and the entirety of …Is a Real Boy by say anything. all of these tend to sit at the top of the list generally but by no means are all my favorites. how dare i be asked to pick a favorite ugh

last book i read: i don’t remember the last time i had the motivation to read thats so upsetting but i always recommend I’ll Give You the Sun by jandy nelson

top three virtual universes you’d want to live in: gonna just let my full weeb out on this one so bear with me; the house they move to in my neighbor totoro is my ultimate dream in life, soul eater so i can be best friends with black star, and kill la kill because i like girls thank you

tagging // @mykrokosmos @yoongisshadow @ccypher3 @sugacutie @jaehyukkies @cowboyjinbop @taejinnies @bibillyhillsbaby @strawberryjimi @rmftjin @stardustyoongi @ftyoongi @flowerkth @floraljimin and also @vantehobi even though i know you won’t do it and it’s fine i just can’t not tag you ok love you most muah

[notbecauseofvictories]

Hi Sarah! My friend and I are starting a bookclub (as much as you can with two people who aren't pressed for deadlines) and I was wondering if you have any recommendations? (That is if you have time to rec anything!) We're starting off with Deathless and have Fitzgerald next in line somewhere but I def want to try to expand the genres we read and tbh from years of following you, I trust your judgement

I don’t...like giving recommendations? At least not directly, it seems like too much opportunity for getting it wrong. Everybody has their own tastes, after all, and even the best of friends don’t necessarily vibe with what you vibe with. (I’ve experienced this with multiple friends, so I know what I’m talking about.) Truly, one of the reasons that my whole “I’m going to get back into reading for pleasure!” push has been so successful is that I only bother with books that interest me, and stop reading when they fail to catch my attention.

But I’ve now read at least 60 books in 2020, which is approximately 60 more than I’ve read in the years prior, so I’m happy to share that. Below is my list of recent reads, beginning to end, along with a very short review---I keep this list in the notes app on my phone, so they have to be. Where I’ve talked about a book in a post, I’ve tried to link to it. 

Peruse, and if something catches your interest I hope you enjoy!

2020 Reading List

Crazy Rich Asians series, Kevin Kwan (here)

Blackwater, Michael McDowell (here; pulpy horror and southern gothic in one novel; come for the monster but stay for the family drama.)

Fire and Hemlock, Diane Wynne Jones (here; weird and thoughtful, in ways I’m still thinking about)

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn (here; loved it! I can see why people glommed onto it)

Swamplandia!, Karen Russell (unfinished, I could not get past the first paragraph; just....no.)

Rules of Scoundrels series, Sarah MacLean (an enjoyable romp through classic romancelandia, though if you read through 4 back to back you realize that MacLean really only writes 1 type of relationship and 1 type of sexual encounter, though I do appreciate insisting that the hero go down first.)

The Bear and the Nightingale, Katherine Arden (here)

Dread Nation, Justine Ireland (great, put it with Stealing Thunder in terms of fun YA fantasy that makes everything less white and Eurocentric)

The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson (VERY good. haunting good.)

Tell My Horse, Zora Neale Hurston (I read an interesting critique of Hurston that said she stripped a lot of the radicalism out of black stories - these might be an example, or counterexample. I haven't decided yet.)

The Rose MacGregor Drinking and Admiration Society, T. Kingfisher (fun!)

St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, Karen Russell (some of these short stories are wonderful; however, Swamplandia's inspiration is still unreadable, which is wild.)

17776, Jon Bois (made me cry. deeply human. A triumph of internet storytelling)

The Girl with All the Gifts, M. R. Carey (deeply enjoyable. the ending is a bittersweet kick in the teeth, and I really enjoyed the adults' relationships)

The Door in the Hedge and Other Stories, Robin McKinley (enjoyable, but never really resolved into anything.)

The Hero and the Crown, Robin McKinley (fun, but feels very early fantasy - or maybe I've just read too many of the subsequent knock-offs.)

Mrs. Caliban, Rachel Ingalls (weird little pulp novel.)

All Systems Red, Martha Wells (enjoyable, but I don't get the hype. won't be looking into the series unless opportunity arises.)

A People's History of Chicago, Kevin Coval (made me cry. bought a copy. am still thinking about it.)

The Sol Majestic, Ferrett Steinmetz (charming, a sf novel mostly about fine dining)

House in the Cerulean Sea, TJ Klune (immensely enjoyable read, for all it feels like fic with the serial numbers filed off)

The Au Pair, Emma Rous (not bad, but felt like it wanted to be more than it is)

The Night Tiger, Yangsze Choo (preferred this to Ghost Bride; I enjoy a well-crafted mystery novel and this delivered)

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula Le Guin (unfinished, I cannot fucking get into Le Guin and should really stop trying)

The Ghost Bride, Yangsze Choo (enjoyable, but not nearly as fun as Ghost Bride - the romance felt very disjointed, and could have used another round of editing)

Temptation's Darling, Johanna Lindsey (pure, unadulterated id in a romance novel, complete with a girl dressing as a boy to avoid detection)

Social Creature, Tara Isabella Burton (a strange, dark psychological portrait; really made a mark even though I can't quite put my finger on why)

The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins (slow at first, but picks up halfway through and builds nicely; a whiff of Gone Girl with the staggered perspectives building together)

Stealing Thunder, Alina Boyden (fun Tortall vibes, but set in Mughal India)

The Traitor Baru Cormorant; The Monster Baru Commorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, Seth Dickinson (LOVE this, so much misery, terrible, ecstatic; more here)

This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone (epistolary love poetry, vicious and lovely; more here)

The Elementals, Michael McDowell

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir (didn't like this one as much as I thought I would; narrator's contemporary voice was so jarring against the stylized world and action sequences read like the novelization for a video game; more here)

Finna, Nino Cipri (a fun little romp through interdimensional Ikea, if on the lighter side)

Magic for Liars, Sarah Gailey (engrossing, even if I could see every plot twist coming from a mile away)

Desdemona and the Deep, C. S. E. Cooney (enjoyed the weirdness & the fae bits, but very light fare)

A Blink of the Screen, Terry Pratchett (admittedly just read this for the Discworld bits)

A Memory Called Empire, Arkady Martine (not as good about politics and colonialism as Baru, but still a powerful book about The Empire, and EXTREMELY cool worldbuilding that manages to be wholly alien and yet never heavily expositional)

Blackfish City, Sam J. Miller (see my post)

Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan (didn't finish, got to to first explicit sex scene and couldn't get any further)

Prosper's Demon, KJ Parker (didn't work for me...felt like a short story that wanted to be fleshed out into a novel)

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

His Majesty's Dragon, Naomi Novik (extremely fun, even for a reader who doesn't much like Napoleonic stories)

Three Parts Dead, Max Gladstone (fun romp - hard to believe that this is the same author as Time War though you can see glimmers of it in the imagery here)

A Scot in the Dark, Sarah MacLean (palette cleanser, she does write a good romance novel even it's basically the same romance novel over and over)

The Resurrectionist, E. B. Hudspeth (borrowed it on a whim one night, kept feeling like there was something I was supposed to /get/ about it, but never did - though I liked the Mutter Museum parallels)

Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang (he's a better ideas guy than a writer, though Hell Is The Absence of God made my skin prickle all over)

Gods of Jade and Shadow, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fun, very much a throwback to my YA days of fairytale retellings, though obviously less European)

Four Roads Cross, Max Gladstone (it turns out I was a LOT more fond of Tara than I initially realized - plus this book had a good Pratchett-esque pacing and reliance on characterization)

Get in Trouble, Kelly Link (reading this after the Chiang was instructive - Link is such a better storyteller, better at prioritizing the human over the concept)

Gods Behaving Badly, Marie Phillips

Soulless; Changeless; Blameless, all by Gail Carriger (this series is basically a romance novel with some fantasy plot thrown in for fun; extremely charming and funny)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf, Marlon James (got about 1/3 of the way through and had to wave the white flag; will try again because I like the plot and the worldbuilding; the tone is just so hard to get through)

Pew, Catherine Lacey (a strange book, I'm still thinking about it; a good Southern book, though)

Nuremberg Diary, GM Gilbert (it took me two months to finish, and was worth it)

River of Teeth, Sarah Gailey (I wanted to like this one a lot more than I actually did; would have made a terrific movie but ultimately was not a great novel. Preferred Magic for Liars.)

Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (extremely fun, though more trippy than Gods and the plot didn't work as well for me - though it was very original)

The New Voices of Fantasy, Peter S. Beagle (collected anthology, with some favorites I've read before Ursula Vernon's "Jackalope Wives", "Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers" "The Husband Stitch"; others that were great new finds "Selkie Stories are for Losers" from Sofia Satamar and "A Kiss With Teeth" from Max Gladstone and "The Philosophers" from Adam Ehrlich Sachs)

[jalapeno-princess]

We’re Not Just Friends

He’s so cute what the fuck

Best friend Mark X Reader

Genre: College AU, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, THE FLUFFIEST OF FLUFF

Word Count: 10.7K

Summary: You and Mark have been friends for as long as you could remember. The two of you were like magnets; wherever you went, he’d follow and vice versa. With that being said, you did what you thought was one of the best yet biggest mistakes you could ever do in a friendship, you fell in love with your best friend. There were times where you felt as if he reciprocated your feelings, but you ultimately pushed any idea of being more than just friends with him. That all changes one night when he gets drunk and admits a little too much information you weren’t quite ready for.

A/N: Hey guys, so I was in Marshall’s the other day when the song “Friends don’t” by Maddie and Tae came on (I highly recommend you listen to it while reading this I make quite a few references to the song in this story) and I couldn’t stop putting ideas together while shopping (I actually pulled to the side to brainstorm I actually hate myself). With that being said, this is one of my favorite stories I’ve written so far and I hope you all enjoy it!

They don't cancel other plans Have conversations with nothing but their eyes They don't hear each other's names and forget to concentrate Hits a nerve and lights you up like dynamite

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night Couldn't even tell you why They just felt like saying "hi" Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys Finding reasons not to leave Trying to hide the chemistry Drive a little too slow, take the long way home Get a little too close We do, but friends don't

As a junior in college, sleep was a foreign word to you. You’ve been getting at least three hours of sleep this week since you’ve been preparing for finals; so you savored every minute of slumber you could get. Tonight was the first night you allowed yourself a break from studying and you were going to make the most of it by sleeping in. 

When you felt your phone vibrate, you couldn’t help but groan at the idea of your alarm going off; but it occurred to you that you turned off all your alerts for the day in order to get some well deserved rest. A huge part of you, the one that’s been dying to continue dancing around in dreamland wanted to ignore whoever was trying to get in touch with you. They could wait until the morning to talk to you. However, there was only one person who would dare to wake you up in the middle of the night and it was the same person, the only person you didn’t mind taking you away from your dreams. 

Once you took a look at his caller ID, you released a frustrated sigh but the smirk that rose on your face at the idea of him was very contradicting. “You better have a good reason for waking me up Mark. What is it?” The phone was silent for a few moments and you had a hunch that he was feeling remorseful for waking you up knowing how tired you’ve been from all the all nighters. 

“Hey y/n. Did I wake you? I’m sorry about that.” Although he had an apologetic tone in his voice, you’ve know him long enough to know that he wasn’t the least bit sorry. Mark never did anything he would have to apologize for. Plus, you could hear the glint in his voice and it made you smile softly to yourself. 

“It’s fine. Are you okay? Did something happen? Where are you?” He giggled at your many questions and you could feel a blush rising on your cheeks at the sound. Mark Tuan in more or less words was the love of your life. You made the mistake of falling in love with your best friend and because you were afraid of him not reciprocating your feelings and losing him if he were to find out, you kept it to yourself. 

It was hard. You only fell more and more in love with him as the days went by. The two of you met in middle school when he accidentally hit you in the face with a volleyball. He was extremely apologetic and did not leave your side at all for the rest of the class time. Actually, he hasn’t left your side at all since that fateful day in P.E. but you weren’t complaining. Mark was everything you could’ve asked for in a best friend and more. 

Although everyone in your grade knew him to be extremely shy and timid, he was a completely different person whenever he was around you and you were very happy to be the lucky person that got to see his outspoken and overly energetic side to him. He was smart; he had one of the top grades in the entire school. He was quite the joker, even if a lot of the jokes he told were extremely cheesy and sometimes did not make sense. He was athletic; joined any sport that your school offered and was captain of the baseball, soccer and water polo teams. Plus, he was a sight for sore eyes. 

Sure, you’ve seen quite the amount of cute boys in your three years of college, but Mark was a sight to behold. Standing at 5”9 with the prettiest brown eyes you’ve ever seen, a well-defined jaw line, sharp nose, and the most adorable heart shaped lips, you knew he was God’s favorite. Sometimes you didn’t understand why he was wasting his time being friends with you. He was such an intelligent, overly talented and interesting person. All the guys at your college wanted to either be him or be friends with him and a lot the girls wanted to date him. They made it quite obvious that they envied you for being the lucky girl Mark spent most of his time with but you couldn’t blame them, he was perfect. 

As much as you loved being his friend, your stupid and naive heart craved to be more. You wanted to be the one to hold his hand, the one to kiss his pretty pink lips, the one to hold him and be held by him. You wanted him to see you as more than just his friend; although, there were times when you did question his feelings for you. As a communications major, you were very good when it came to observing people; Mark being your number one test subject or so you called him. 

You were quick to pick up on how he always needed to be touching you, whether it be slinging his arm over your shoulder when the two of you would watch a movie, tapping gently on your thigh whenever you’d go for a drive, pulling you to his side and tightly gripping on to your waist in a crowded area or sitting in between your lap while he played video games. He explained to you once that your presence made him calm and the skin ship was because he needed “evidence that you were real”. The dreamer in you wished that his gestures and not so subtle touches meant more than what he claimed to be. 

Then came the stolen glances. You’d catch him from time to time staring at you at the most randomest times. You noticed he looked at you a lot when you’d be studying or while you were eating and that’s when you felt the least amount of attractive so you were sure it was because he thought you looked funny. 

There was once time that you slept over at his apartment and you fell asleep on the couch while the two of you watched stranger things. When you woke up, you were quick to realize that he probably carried you to his room like he normally did. As soon as your eyes adjusted to your surroundings, you saw Mark already looking at you with a specific look in his eyes. It was a mix of adoration and something else you couldn’t put your finger on. He’s never looked at you like that before and when he realized you were awake, he immediately closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Neither of you talked about that incident and he acted completely weird the next morning but things settled down not too long after. 

Another thing that you noticed, was his jealousy. Mark could get extremely jealous whenever it came to you. If he saw any guy get a little too close for his liking, even if it was one of your mutual friends, he’d go insane. One thing you could do without was his anger. When Mark got angry, he got really angry. You never understood why he would get upset at the idea of you interacting with another guy, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like it. There was one time the two of you attended a hotel party and got yourselves stuck playing spin the bottle. When you spun the bottle and it landed on Jinyoung, you didn’t think much about it and crawled over to him, leaving a chaste yet sweet kiss on his lips. You didn’t think it would cause Mark to give you the silent treatment for three days and when he finally did talk to you again, he gave you a lame excuse as to why he acted like such an asshole. 

You weren’t stupid, with the way he looked at you and treated you as if you were the most delicate flower, you knew he had to have some sort of feelings for you. You just had a hard time understanding why he was so adamant on keeping it to himself. If he did have feelings for you, you felt as if he was keeping it a secret from you for the same reason you were keeping it from him; he didn’t want to lose you. 

“I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. I just couldn’t sleep. I should’ve played cod or something instead of bothering you. I knew you took the day off tomorrow for rest. I just—I want to talk to you. It’s been a week since we saw each other. I miss you.” The last words came out as a whisper, but you heard them and your heart fluttered at the thought of him wanting to talk to you because he missed you. Why did he have to do and say things that confused you? He told everyone that the two of you were just friends, but behind closed doors the two of you were in your own little worlds. As if nobody else existed and you liked it that way. 

“I miss you too. I promise once finals are over, I’m all yours okay? I’m sorry I’m putting all my time and effort in to school but you know how anal I get when it comes to my grades.” He giggled softly and although you couldn’t see him, you knew he was playfully rolling his eyes because it was true. See unlike Mark, you actually had to put in effort whenever it came to your education. He was naturally smart and you found it quite unfair but he never failed to help you if and when you needed it but you never wanted to bother him. He already had a lot on his plate and you didn’t want to add your incompetence to his already hectic schedule. 

“It’s fine. Do you—would you maybe wanna go for a drive? I’ll come pick you up. We don’t have to go anywhere far, honestly we could go on a drive around your block and I’ll drop you back. I just—I’d like to spend time with you.” You were glad he stuck with a phone call and didn’t try to FaceTime you because it would’ve been quite obvious his words were having an affect on you. Something felt off with the way he was acting. There were times where the two of you would go weeks without seeing one another and he was completely fine about it. 

One time, he went to Taiwan for an entire month to visit his family over summer vacation and you missed him dearly. That was the longest you went without seeing him, but he contacted you every single day so it made you feel a little bit better. So why was he wanting to see you so badly? 

“Yeah sure. Give me ten minutes. I’ll see you soon. Drive safely.” As soon as you heard him hang up, you practically leaped out of bed and ran straight to your bathroom. Mark has seen you at both your best and your very worst. He made it known that he didn’t care if you looked like an actual ogre, nor did you want to make it obvious that you wanted to look nice for him but you didn’t want him seeing you with your hair all over the place while your breath smelled horrendous. 

You threw on one of his jackets and a pair of shorts while flat ironing your hair and before you knew it, he texted you that he was downstairs. Once you made it down to the lobby, your breath hitched at the sight of him and all his handsome glory. His hair was disheveled; it was obvious he ran his hand through it a couple times. He was leaning against his pick up truck and although it was dark, you could make out that he was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants with a white tank top. You silently cursed him for going to the gym more often in his downtime because his arms grew three times the size they were back in high school. When his eyes landed on your visibly exhausted frame, he sent a cheeky smile your way before opening his arms out to you. 

“Mmm, I’ve missed your hugs.” He pulled you closer to his chest and placed his chin on top of your head. The two of you stood there for a couple of seconds before he pulled away to take a good look at you. If you had the choice, you’d allow him to hold you for the rest of the night. Mark’s arms were your favorite place to be. You always felt so safe in his embrace. He was always so warm and smelled like the cologne you bought him that he’s been looking at for a few months. 

“You know y/n, once finals are over I think you need to sleep for a solid two months straight. These dark circles are taking away from your beauty.” He brought his hands up to your cheeks and began to examine your entire face but you were quick to shove him off. If he continued to caress you like the way he was currently doing, you were sure you’d blow your cover and you did not want the night to end before it even started. Although he’s complimented you on your looks many times in the many years you’ve known him for, you could never get used to hearing him tell you how pretty he thought you were. 

“You’re one to talk grandpa. BamBam told me all about how you almost broke your back the other day when you attempted to do a martial art trick. How many times do I have to remind you that you’re no longer the fifteen-year-old boy that you used to be? I swear to God Mark Tuan if you break a bone, I will kick your ass.” His laughter filled the entire parking lot and you found yourself laughing along with him. For a grown man, his laugh was high pitched and very adorable. You were sure he could light up an entire room by letting out the faintest of giggles, his laughter already did wonders on your heart. 

“Even if I do break a bone, you’ll nurse me back to health right?” You scoffed and playfully rolled your eyes but deep down you knew you’d do anything for the devastatingly handsome boy in front of you. You also wouldn’t mind having a reason to stay by his side for as long as possible. Like the gentleman he was, he opened your door for you and helped you buckle your seatbelt. You were sure he saw it as a friendly gesture and you knew he wanted to help you out as much as possible, but you couldn’t handle him bringing his hand across of your chest and down to your upper thigh. It’s as if he knew exactly what he was doing by helping you. 

When he got in to his side of the car and started to reverse out of the stall, his free hand immediately found your lap like it normally did and he began to drive away. To where, you didn’t know nor did you care. You didn’t care where the two of you went, you just loved being around him. The car ride was filled with laughter, mainly yours because Mark turned the radio to the country station and began singing a couple songs out of tune and in the worst country accent you’ve ever heard. 

It was in moments like these where it was just the two of you, laughing and smiling like idiots that made you feel the most unhappy. You were unhappy because you wanted more. You wanted to be the reason behind his contagious smile. You wanted to be the reason he couldn’t go to sleep at night because his thoughts were so clouded by the idea of you. You wanted to be his motivation; you wanted him to do the best in anything that he did with the idea of making you proud. You wanted to be the one he told his friends and family about. But you were only his best friend. Every time he introduced you as his best friend, it felt like a stab to the chest. However, it was the truth; so you had no reason to be bothered by the fact that that was all you were going to be to him. 

“Something wrong bub?” You were too busy thinking about the unfortunate situation you were in and didn’t get to hear Mark ask you if you wanted something to eat. 

“No, I’m okay. Sorry, it’s just—finals. Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about my possible grades. I’m sorry, I’ll stop. Tonight is about us. What were you saying?” He waited till he pulled up at a stoplight before turning to face you and brought some of your hair behind your ear. 

“Hey, don’t stress too much. I’m sure you did amazing like you always do. If only you allowed me to tutor you more, I’m sure you would’ve had an easier time understanding the material. What? Am I not good enough for the all mighty y/n y/l/n? By the way, I decided with going to McDonalds since you didn’t answer. I’m in the mood for a McChicken—don’t look at me like that. What? Come on y/n—where do you want to go then? You drive me nuts woman. Popeyes? You’re in the mood for fried chicken? At 2:30 in the morning? Why can I already see you wanting fried chicken when you’re pregnant one day? I feel like it’ll be one of the foods you’ll crave the most. You know I’d do anything for you and I can’t wait till you become a mother, I’m sure you’ll be such an amazing mom. But don’t you dare wake me up in the middle of the night for fried chicken I will disown you. You’re lucky you’re cute. Their chicken sandwich better taste as good as McDonalds.” 

You knew you wanted Mark around for the rest of your life; you wanted to be best friends forever. Unfortunately, nobody knows what the future holds. For all you knew, he could get a girlfriend sometime soon and she could disapprove of your friendship; causing you to lose connection with one another. The idea of losing Mark was both mentally and physically painful. You could actually feel your chest tighten at the thought of waking up one morning and no longer having him in your life. With that being said, no matter how many times he’s brought up your future together, it always caused butterflies to swarm in your tummy. 

“I hate burdening you if I can handle doing something on my own. You already have so much to deal with, so tutoring me should be the least of your worries. Whatever you say asshole, I’m sure my future husband would be willing to do that for me and I’ll make sure I’ll rub it in your face. Dude, Popeyes shits on McDonalds. Are you joking? Why am I even friends with you, you’re such a loser with bad taste.” You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at the entire conversation, but as soon as you realized Mark wasn’t laughing, you turned to face him and froze when you saw his jaw clench and his grip on the wheel tightened. 

Did you say or do something to upset him? Why did he get mad all of a sudden? As you were about to speak up, he made his way through the Popeyes drive thru and began ordering. You smiled like an idiot to yourself when he gave your order to the cashier. Although you ordered the same meal almost every single time, you found it cute that he memorized what you wanted. Once he paid and got the food, he drove down an all too familiar road you’ve been down quite a few times. Both you and Mark had a special place only the two of you knew of. You stumbled upon it one day after getting in to an argument with your parents and ended up bringing Mark there a couple days later. The two of you would go there whenever you both had free time. It was a nice, deserted beach. 

During the day, it was extremely beautiful but at night, it was indescribable. Especially because you spent most of your time there with Mark. Some days, the two of you would swim, skip rocks or attempt to build sand castles. Other days, more so when you went at night, he would lie on your lap and have you run your fingers through his hair while the two of you would listen to the waves crash on the shore. You’d find yourself looking at him adoringly and there was one time you were so close to connecting your lips together, but you chickened out and clumsily ended up pushing him off of your lap. 

The car ride was tense and he didn’t say anything the entire time. You decided to allow him to speak up when he was ready. It was something you learned throughout the duration of your friendship. Mark was short tempered. He would lash out on people at the smallest of things, but you were very understanding and extremely patient whenever it came to his mood swings. He’s apologized for it many times and did his best to work on it because he hated lashing out on you of all people, but some days he just couldn’t help himself. As soon as he parked the car, he motioned for you to get out and made his way to his trunk. He immediately hopped in the back without helping you like he usually did and when he saw that you weren’t getting inside and that your arms were crossed in frustration, he let out an irritated grunt. 

“What? Get in here. Do I have to help you with everything?” It was your turn to scoff. How did he go from singing to the top of his lungs at a Carrie Underwood song to giving you the cold shoulder? 

“If you’re going to be an asshole for no reason, you can just take me home right now. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did or said to upset you but I’m sorry.” There were situations where Mark was in the wrong, but you’d find yourself apologizing because he was never one to give in. He was the definition of stubborn. However, you noticed that you were the only person that he’d give up his pride for. He hated the thought of upsetting you and putting the two of you in to an awkward situation. So he’d apologize as soon as he knew things were going south and tonight was no different. Right as you were about to open your door, you felt him gently grip at your wrist and before you knew it, he was picking you up bridal style before jumping on to his truck bed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just being stupid. Please forget all about it okay? Fuck, I’ve ruined our night together didn’t I? I’m so sorry y/n.” You shook your head before leaving a quick peck on his cheek. Kissing each other was a normal thing between you and Mark. The two of you would kiss each other’s foreheads and cheeks all the time. Sometimes he’d even kiss your nose, your chin and even your shoulder blade but he had yet to kiss you where you wanted to kiss him the most. 

“Talk to me Mark. What’s bothering you?” You intertwined your fingers together and gave him your full attention. You knew something had to be heavy on his mind and you wanted him to be honest with you. He pulled his hands away from yours to your disappointment and scratched the back of his neck before taking a bite of his food. 

“Y/n I love—this chicken sandwich holy shit. This is good. I don’t know why I was settling for that pathetic excuse of a chicken patty at McDonalds. It’s nothing okay? Don’t worry about me. Eat your food, I know how you get when your chicken isn’t crispy and I don’t want you complaining later.” The two of you sat in silence eating your meals and you hated the fact that the atmosphere was filled with animosity. Once the two of you were both finished, he pulled you on to his lap and rested his chin in the crook of your neck.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” You shrugged before leaning back in to his embrace. It was weird how the two of you could go from arguing one minute to cuddling as if nothing happened the next but you never questioned it. 

“Probably staying in all day. Oh—I need to go to target. You drank all of my milk and failed to tell me. I’ve been eating my cereal DRY for the last week thank you very much.”

“Can I come? I think I need some groceries too.” You couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at the idea of Mark shopping for his own groceries. The older boy practically lived at your apartment. Sometimes you would even offer to look for an apartment together but your mutual friend Jackson always complained about you “stealing his roommate”. A lot of his clothes were sitting in your closet, he brought over some of his toiletries each and every time he slept at your apartment, most of the cubby holes in your shoe rack were taken up by him and he even bought an Xbox specifically to leave it at your place. You wouldn’t mind living with Mark, but sometimes you were glad Jackson was so adamant on keeping him at their place. Sharing the same space with him would surely drive your feelings through the roof.

“You mean some groceries to leave over at my place. You never go shopping for your own shit. Sometimes I feel like you’re only friends with me because you like mooching off of me and because I help keep you alive. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be taking your vitamins everyday and your health wouldn’t be as good as it is now.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. You grocery shop for fun, who the fuck does that? Oh yeah, OLD PEOPLE. Don’t sound so upset, you had fun the last time I came with you to the grocery store.”

You giggled at the memory before turning around to flick his forehead. “You almost got us kicked out because you were fighting with a six-year-old over a Chewbacca figurine.”

“IT WAS THE LAST ONE Y/N. I HAD IT FIRST. The punk just had to start crying and his mom came telling me I was immature for fighting with a first grader.”

“You know sometimes I forget that you’re a 23-year-old senior in college and not the same 12-year-old boy from middle school. I love that you’re still a child at heart by the way. Sometimes the adult life can get a little hectic. You’re like my personal escape. Like, a breath of fresh air. I don’t say it all that often, but I’m very grateful for you. You mean a lot to me, more than you’ll ever know Tuan.” If you were facing him right now, you’d be able to see how red you made him by your sweet words. He left a gentle kiss on your jaw before leaning himself further in to the truck and pulling you down with him. The two of you stayed like that for almost two hours, stargazing and basking in the other’s presence. No words were shared but the silence spoke volumes. 

You couldn’t help but think back to a few hours ago when he was about to admit why he was so bothered but instead admitted his love for the chicken sandwich. Was he finally going to tell you how he felt for you but lost the courage as the L word fell from his lips? Why did he always have to make things so difficult? When you noticed the sun slowly making its appearance against the shoreline, you squeezed Mark’s bicep to let him know that maybe it was time to go home. 

“Since we’re hanging out later today anyway, did you want to come over to my place? Or we can head back to yours? It doesn’t really matter. If you wanna be by yourself, that’s fine too. I’ll just drop you off and come back later.” You gave him a soft smile before sitting up right and reaching over to play around with his hair. 

“Let’s go to yours. I wouldn’t mind spending time with Jackson and I miss my baby Milo.” He nodded in agreement and helped you down before making his way to his side of the car. Once he began to drive away, a small frown rose upon your face when he didn’t move his hand to your thigh. This was the first time in a long time that he drove with both hands and you knew that something was genuinely bothering him. 

You tried to take your mind off of Mark and put all your focus to everything you’d see while he drove to what you thought was going to be his apartment. However, it seemed as if he was taking a detour down different neighborhoods and you were surprised when you took a peek to see how fast he was driving and found out he wasn’t going fast at all. In fact, he was going under the speed limit. Something must’ve struck a nerve with him; Mark was known for his speed. He hated slow drivers and hated being in traffic which is why you found it unusual for him to be going at such a slow pace. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He released a soft sigh as he turned in to his apartment structure and nodded slowly. 

“Just tired. You’re not the only one staying up late to study. Oh, before I forget, you’re never a burden y/n. I’m never too busy for you. Actually, you’re one of my main priorities. So don’t feel like you can’t approach me if you need my help. Come on, let’s get you upstairs.” When the two of you made it up to his place, he tried his best to quietly open the door knowing that Jackson was still asleep. As soon as the two of you made your way in, Milo was all over you. You lowered yourself down to the little puppy and picked him up while leaving kisses all around his face. 

“Hi Milo! I’m glad to see you missed me. I missed you too cutie pie. Has daddy been taking good care of you and feeds you the snacks I bought?” You made your way to Mark’s bedroom and scoffed when you saw how neat it was. For someone who was constantly busy, why was his room so clean? Your room was in the exact state as your life, messy. Since you’ve been in here more times than you could count, you walked over to your side of the bed and laid down. He was quick to join you but not before taking off his shirt. 

You were used to Mark being shirtless, so you learned how to control your emotions and facial expressions over the years to prevent yourself from making it aware that you enjoyed it. However, you could feel your breath going shallow, especially when he would pull you in to his embrace like he was currently doing so right now. He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his cheek against yours so that your faces were practically smashed together. The two of you weren’t strangers to spooning and cuddling, but there were times that you’d feel something hard against your thigh every now and then so Mark would keep his distance whenever it came to holding you. 

Not too long after the two of you got in to bed, you felt his warm breath against your neck as soft snores fell from his lips. You on the other hand could not find it in yourself to fall asleep. Your mind was too clouded with the events that happened during your drive and it confused you more than you already were. You began to let your eyes wander around his bedroom and giggled softly to yourself when you saw the Chewbacca figure on his desk. When you felt something vibrate in your back pocket, you remembered you put your phone in there and quickly brought it out to turn it off to prevent any noise from waking Mark up. 

As you reached to put your phone on his night stand, your heart fluttered at the photo of you from your senior prom back in high school. You remembered that night like it was yesterday. Mark was quick to ask you to be his date and you agreed right off the bat. Even at that time, you knew you wanted all your best memories to be shared with him. Your parents were extremely excited when they found out that the two of you were going together. They were all secretly hoping that you and Mark would end up with each other one day but they never did or said anything because they waited for the two of you to discover your feelings on your own. Even your mom claimed that she had a huge feeling that Mark had developed a crush on you but you never believed her. 

How could you though? You and Mark have been friends for almost a decade and he never showed signs of taking things further between the two of you. Prom night was one of the best nights of your entire high school career and you knew it had a lot to deal with the person who’s arms you were currently in. He bought you the prettiest bouquet and corsage, complimented you at least twenty times on how beautiful you looked, he even made it clear that you were the prettiest girl there but you knew he was just saying that because he was your best friend. The two of you danced almost the entire night and he entered a game in order to win an expensive pair of speakers which was currently sitting on your kitchen counter. 

Any time spent with Mark was amazing. He gave you his full attention and made sure you were having a good time no matter what the two of you were doing. Slowly, in attempts not to wake him, you found yourself turning around in order to take a good look at him. You gently began to trace his handsome features and you had to stifle a laugh when his nose scrunched, probably from being tickled. Why did you have to be such a coward? Why couldn’t you just tell him how you felt no matter the consequences? Finally, after contemplating what you would do about your feelings for Mark, you placed a kiss on his nose and fell asleep. 

When you woke up, you weren’t shocked to see that Mark was still asleep. He was an extremely heavy sleeper. There were so many times he’s found himself late to school and practice because he slept through his alarm. You took a few moments to get used to the light that was coming through his window before trying your best to leave his embrace without waking him up and when you succeeded, you turned on your phone to see what time it was and made your way into the living room. As you were about to head in to the kitchen to find something to make for you and Mark, you failed to notice Jackson on the couch, smiling at you like an idiot. 

“Good morning sunshine. Looks like somebody got a nice rest while wrapped up in your loverboy’s arms. He’s still asleep isn’t he?” You jumped at the sound of his voice, not knowing that he was there with you and rolled your eyes at his sarcastic statement. Jackson was known to be a prankster. He always made snide remarks about your relationship with Mark and he would always hint to you every now and then that Mark had feelings for you but just like how you were when your mom confronted you about your feelings, you couldn’t believe Jackson either. No matter how badly you wanted to. 

“Of course he is. I slept like a baby. Hey, what’s with you guys and being shirtless all the time? Do neither of you own any shirts?” The cheeky boy winked at you before pulling you in for a hug. 

“Gotta flaunt off the goods while we still have them. You can take off your shirt too if you want. I wouldn’t mind seeing you shirtless—ow! You’re always so abusive whenever it comes to me. It’s not like I haven’t seen you practically naked before.” You ignored him while making your way to the fridge and looking for something to cook. The two of you began to update each other on what you both did in the last few weeks since you’ve seen each other. He updated you on how basketball season was going so far and invited you to some of his games. 

The two of you continued your conversation and he brought up something that caught your attention. “Hey y/n, I know you’re not one to drink, but there’s more than just alcohol involved whenever we go out to bars and clubs. Why don’t you come with us? I’m sure Mark would finally come out with us if he knew you were tagging along. Come on, we all know baking desserts, playing modern warfare and staying up watching reruns of the office together is fun, well; for you guys. But you and Mark need to get out and do something college-like for once. You know how many times Mark has cancelled plans with us just so he could spend time with you? God, you both are so smart yet so stupid.” 

Mark was cancelling out on plans with the guys in order to hang out with you?You tried your best not to show to Jackson that his confession made you feel all warm and giddy on the inside. As the retaliation was on the tip of your tongue, Mark released a yawn to make it known he was in the room. “Ah, if it isn’t the devil himself. I was just inviting y/n to come out with us to the club on Saturday. You coming?” 

Mark gave you a look of curiosity before walking toward the fridge. “Y/n hates the club. And we can’t, we already have plans.” 

It was your turn to look at him in confusion. You don’t remember making any plans with Mark and most of your so called “plans” consisted of the two of you laying around your apartment doing nothing. Jackson shrugged, not surprised by his older friend’s response and gave you a knowing look. 

“Yeah, but she said so herself she wouldn’t mind letting loose since we only have one year left in college. Y/n must not know about your plans because she said she’d be down to come. Don’t be such a party pooper Mark, hang out with us. You’ve been already missing out on so much of our gatherings anyway. It’ll be fun!” Y

ou felt him before you could see him. He found his place behind you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders while hiding his face between your shoulder blades and let out a frustrated grunt. “Fine! Whatever. But only if y/n is going. I don’t know why you want me to come out with you guys anyway. You all get drunk the minute we walk in and flirt with anyone that has legs. I always end up driving you drunk bastards home. Quite the college experience of you ask me.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle at his sarcasm and began plating the bacon, eggs and fried rice you made for the three of your for breakfast. Other than the constant laughter that fell from your lips whenever Jackson and Mark would bicker over nonsense, you stayed quiet and focused on eating while they conversed. Once you all were done eating, Jackson mentioned throwing on a movie but Mark was quick to shut him down. You had a feeling it had to do with what happened the last time you all watched a movie together. Before you could sit down, Jackson pulled you on to his lap and refused to let you go. The daggers Mark sent through the back of Jackson’s head didn’t go unnoticed by you; in fact it made you quite happy. You loved how protective he was whenever it came to you. 

“Y/n and I actually have plans today. We need to go grocery shopping.” Jackson’s brow raised in amusement. 

“We? You’re actually buying food for us?” 

“No. I’m going to buy food to eat whenever I’m at her place. When do I ever eat here?”

As soon as the two of them finished their bickering, you said your goodbyes to Jackson and made your way to the grocery store. One thing that Mark never failed to do was make a fool out of you every single time you took him grocery shopping. However, you couldn’t say you didn’t have fun whenever he would tag along. If the two of you were to go at night, he would jump in the shopping cart and have you push him around. But in most cases, he’d stand behind you and practically trap you between his body and the cart while taking over to push. He forced you to go in and out of every aisle to make sure the two of you weren’t missing anything. 

“Y/n, serious question, Doritos or Cheetos puffs?” You thought about it for a few seconds before giving him your answer. 

“Doritos.”

“Okay, Cheetos puffs it is.” You scowled at him but before you could really react, he was driving the cart in the other direction. As soon as you felt that you were finished, you pulled to the side to make sure you had everything you needed and nothing you didn’t. 

“Cheese in a can? Really Mark? You’re not even going to eat it—“ he was quick to cover your mouth and you counterattacked by licking his hand. 

“Lick it all you want, I’m in to stuff like that.”

“Ew gross.” 

To your dismay, Mark handed the cashier his card and paid for the entirety of your groceries. This wasn’t the first time he’s done this. Whenever he tagged along with you, he’d always end up paying for your groceries no matter how much the bill came out to and his excuse was because he used and ate a lot of your groceries. 

After returning back to your apartment and the two of you put the groceries away, you spent the rest of the day reading a book while found his way on to your lap and played grand theft auto for a couple of hours. These were the days you loved the most. Although he was quite loud and violent whenever it came to his video games, you felt at peace and the most serene when it was just the two of you lounging around. 

“Hey y/n?” You hummed in curiosity and placed your book down in order to give him your full attention. “This morning, when you talked about your future husband and shit like that—do you—do you actually want to get married? Like, you want a wedding and to spend the rest of your life with someone?” 

You thought about the exact moment he was referring to and nodded in agreement. That was around the same time he grew angry and you couldn’t help but feel as if the idea of you ending up with someone else bothered him. “Of course I do. I’ve dreamt about having a beautiful, big wedding surrounded with all my friends and family. I like to look at wedding dresses and rings from time to time. How come? Don’t you?” 

He shrugged before continuing to play his game; the way he tensed up at your response caught your attention. “I guess. I don’t know, I don’t see myself settling down with anyone I guess. I don’t want anyone getting in between us. I refuse to live without you y/n.” You smiled softly before placing a gentle kiss on his neck. Sometimes you felt like the skin ship you shared was beyond normal than what most friends did. But the two of you were used to it. 

The kisses on your jaw, your neck, behind your ear; it wasn’t normal for friends to do things like that but here the two of you were. It never bothered you, in fact there were times where you couldn’t stop kissing him and had to forcefully stop yourself in fear of him finding it weird. 

“I think that’s why I’ve been single for so long. Since you are—well—you, my standards in men are pretty high. So I’d want them to be at least half the man that you are. Honestly, you and I should just get married.” His breath hitched and it was in that moment where you knew you fucked up. 

“I mean—you know. If both of us are still single once we reach thirty—then I would marry you—you know—if you asked.” You let out a sarcastic laugh and wished the ground would swallow you whole. 

“You would? Really? You’d want to marry me?” You nodded, shocked that he found it surprising. He was the only person you saw yourself getting married to, but you still had yet to make your friendship change in to a relationship. 

“Of course I’d want to marry you Mark. You’re my best friend. Why? Do you not want to marry me?” He placed the controller down and turned around to face you. The conversation was soon turning pretty serious. Mark never turned his video game off for anybody, not even you. His xbox was the only thing before you that he paid more attention to. 

“Of course I do. Nobody comes close to you y/n. Let’s make a pact, if were both single when we turn thirty, we jump the gun and marry each other. Deal?” 

You grinned like a school girl at the idea of marrying Mark one day and nodded quickly before intertwining your pinkies together. Mark returned back to his game and you with your book but not too long after, you found yourself falling asleep on top of Mark’s back and he giggled at the feeling. 

“You’re the only girl I want to marry.” 

They don't almost say "I love you" When they're downtown somewhere, just a little drunk They don't talk about the future and put each other in it And get chills with every accidental touch

Two days later, you were at home studying for your last final of the semester when you felt your phone vibrating. You tried your best to hide it in attempts to focus on your many notes in front of you, but you couldn’t help but look at it from time to time and saw that Mark was out at a bar with Jackson, BamBam, Jinyoung and Jaebum. 

You let out a giggle at every video of the guys forcing each other to take shots and you couldn’t help but wish you went with them. Forcing five months of notes in to your brain in one night was driving you insane. Seeing Mark’s name made your heart flutter, just like it normally did and right as you were about to let it go to voicemail, you answered his call. 

You haven’t seen him since he left your place right after the two of you ate dinner. He knew you had to study, so he wanted to give you his space but you found yourself typing out his number a couple of times because you missed his presence but ended up deleting the text completely. 

“Y/nnnnnnnnn. Hey, how’s the studying going? I miss you. You should’ve came.” You knew he was drunk and there was nothing more entertaining than a drunk Mark Tuan especially because he wasn’t one to drink all that often. In fact, alcohol changed him in to a completely different person. If he had a few shots of liquid courage in him, he could tell you the history of the Pillsbury dough boy. 

“You’re drunk.”

“And you’re beautiful. Your point is?” You mentally cursed the guys for allowing him to get so drunk but he was making your extremely boring night all the more fun.

“Where’s the guys?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere here on earth. Why do you care about them huh? Focus on me. I’m the only one you should be thinking about. You’re the only one I ever think about—and I think about you all the time y/n.” 

Every word that fell from his lips tugged on your heartstrings but you were smart enough to know not to believe him. He was drunk and had no idea what he was admitting to you right now. “Mark—“

“I love you. Y/n. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I don’t know why you were so surprised to—to hear that I want to marry you—look at you. You’re the most ethereal human being in the world. You’re so beautiful and you—you make me so happy. I love you, I love you, I love you. I know you’re studying for biology right now, but do you think you could learn to love me?” 

You didn’t even realize you were holding in your breath the entire time he was confessing his love for you. Even if he was drunk, his words sounded so sincere. You didn’t know what to say, it was too much to take in. Were you hallucinating? Did staying up all those hours finally drive you to the brink of insanity? Before you could find the courage to respond, you heard murmuring through the phone and soon Jaebum’s voice was replacing Mark’s. 

“Hey, do you mind coming to pick him up? He’s drunk off his ass if it wasn’t already obvious. You don’t have to worry your pretty little head about the rest of us. We’re all fine. It’s Mark who ended up drinking a little too much.”

“Of course. Can you text me your location? I’ll be there soon. Take care of him for me would you?” You debated on taking a taxi, your mind was too clouded with his entire confession and you didn’t think you were in your right mind to be driving but you didn’t want to have to wait for one while taking care of a drunk Mark by yourself. Why couldn’t the guys just take him back with them? They were the ones who allowed him to get so drunk, why were they making him your responsibility? 

The entire drive to the bar was mind wrecking and you even found yourself running a few red lights. What was going to happen when you had him all to yourself? When you pulled up to the bar, your eyes immediately landed on the group of boys hovering over who you assumed to be Mark. Smiles all rose on their faces as soon as they saw you approaching but you were too focused on making sure Mark was okay. 

“Can I get some help to my car please?” Jackson and Jinyoung wrapped their arms around his shoulders and carried him to your car while BamBam and Jaebum walked alongside you. 

“I guess it’s out there.” You looked at BamBam in curiosity and earned yourself a knowing look. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about y/n. I can’t believe it took him getting drunk to confess his feelings for you, but it had to come out somehow and he obviously wasn’t going to tell you how he feels sober. I’ve never seen someone as in love with a person like Mark is with you. That boy looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass. You must be blind not to see it. And don’t get me started when it comes to how much he talks about you. Whenever he actually comes out with us, you’re all he talks about. “Y/n loves coming here.” “Y/n showed me that last week.” “I hope y/n did good on her test.” “Did you guys see y/n last week? She looked so pretty in that dress.” I’m sure he could write a novel about the love he has for you—ow. What was that for?” 

The younger boy rubbed his shoulder from where Jaebum hit him and you couldn’t help but snicker. “That’s enough. Let mark go in to depth about his love for her. If he finds out your dumb ass practically confessed his feelings for him, you’re going to have to catch the bus home. Drive safely y/n. Let us know when you get home. And good luck with him. Please do something with the information you found out tonight. It’s been long enough don’t you think?” 

The boys all pulled you in for quick hugs and you began to drive away, making your way back to your apartment. He looked so peaceful yet so inebriated. His cheeks were pink and his eyelids were swollen yet he still looked so good. You hesitantly reached for his cheek and grazed you’re thumb against his Cupid’s bow. 

“You silly, silly boy. What am I going to do with you?” Bringing him upstairs by yourself was a challenge. If waking him up while he was sober was hard, attempting to get him up from his slumber was even more difficult. Not only did he not wake up at every single attempt of shaking him and practically whisper yelling in his ear, but his body was practically deadweight. What normally was a two minute walk from your parking lot to your apartment took almost twenty minutes. You praised yourself once you made it to your front door and dragged him inside, pulling him towards your room. His breath wreaked of alcohol and you weren’t sure if you wanted to try and get him to brush his teeth but after a while, you ultimately decided against it. Why put yourself through even more work for you? 

You took off his clothes and helped change him in to one of the shirts he left at your place before heading back in to the kitchen to get him a bottle of water and painkillers you knew he would need in the morning. After changing your clothes and preparing yourself for bed, you found your place next to Mark and brought his face in to your hands. With his confession and reassurance from both Jaebum and BamBam, you were confident in your decision to confront and confess your love for him when he was completely sober. You gave yourself a few moments to admire the handsome boy in front of you and placed a soft kiss on his lips before sleep finally took over. 

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of something rustling and a soft groan that you knew came from Mark. He released an exhausted sigh before pulling you closer to his chest. You decided to pretend you were still asleep in order to see what his next move would be and when you felt the multiple kisses along the back of your neck, it took every bone in your body not to react. “If only you knew.”

“Knew what?” The scream that filled your room on top of the thud that came when Mark fell off your bed made you erupt in laughter. You quickly ran over to his side to help him back up on top of the bed but your giggles still continued. He glared at you and crossed his arms out of frustration and you decided to give him a break. 

“You little shit. You scared me. How did I—why am I here?” You knew he was trying to redirect your attention away from his confession and you were going to play along for a few minutes before taking your confrontation head on. 

“You got piss drunk and the boys called me over to come get you.”

“Those assholes. I always take them home after their drunken stupors, I don’t know why they can’t do the same for me. They should know better than to bother you. You’re already tired as it is already. I’m sorry about that.” You shook your head before handing him a few pain killers and the water bottle. 

“It’s totally fine Mark. How are you feeling?” He groaned. 

“Like shit. I um—I didn’t say anything embarrassing did I?” This was it. It was time to finally find out for yourself what Mark’s exact feelings for you were. Although it has been hinted to you many times, and the truth came out last night, you wanted to hear him say it himself, sober. 

You didn’t give yourself any time to think before your lips connected with his. It felt so natural to you. You cupped his cheeks with your palms as your lips moved softly against his. However, once you tasted the alcohol and noticed he wasn’t reacting, you pulled away. 

“W—what—did you just—did we—am I still drunk? I have to be. There’s no way—why did you stop? What the fuck is going on?” His stammering was extremely adorable and before you could respond, his lips were back on yours. Kissing Mark felt too good to be true. His lips melded perfectly with yours, as if the two of you were made to kiss one another. 

“You told me you loved me last night. This is my way of letting you know I feel the exact same way. I’ve been in love with you for so many years, I can’t even count how long on my hands. I never thought I was good enough for you, nor did I think there was a chance you would ever feel the same. I was always just your best friend. The idea of us being something more than friends was an unrealistic daydream I would hope and pray would become a reality. Over the course of our friendship, our parents, friends and even our teachers would try and tell me that you harbored feelings for me but I never believed anybody. We’ve been friends for so long already. If you liked me, you would’ve done something about it a long time ago. I really wanted to confess my feelings for you on many occasions, but the idea of losing you was one I couldn’t even fathom.” 

With the way he was looking at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes at your confession you were sure you’d melt in to a puddle right there. “You’re my best friend Mark. My person. My soulmate. Hearing you tell me that you love me is such a beautiful and indescribable feeling. I meant it when I said I would marry you because I knew you were the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. There’s nobody else but you Mark. You’re it for me.” 

He brought some of your hair behind your ear and just as he was about to kiss you, you dodged his lips no matter how badly you wanted to feel them against yours again. 

“You just confessed your feelings for me, let me kiss you—“ 

“Brush your teeth first stinky and then we’ll talk.” He rolled his eyes before stomping over to your bathroom. 

“The love of my life is denying me kisses I can’t believe this bullshit—“ the blush was warm on your cheeks and you knew if you were to look in a mirror that you’d be as red as a tomato right now but you didn’t care; Mark had that effect on you. You could hear how rough and quick he was brushing his teeth and the thought of him rushing in order to kiss you again made your heart flutter. Soon, he clumsily made his way toward you and practically tackled you on to the bed. He wasted no time attacking your face with kisses and finally bringing his lips to yours. 

You would have never thought, in all your years of being friends with Mark that you would one day have him hovering over you with his grip tight on your waist as your tongues battled for dominance, roughly clashing against each other. Kissing Mark was otherworldly. His lips were soft and melded well against yours and the way he was touching you, so gentle yet so seductively was driving you insane. You playfully brought his bottom lip in between your teeth and the growl that came from the back of his throat sent chills down your spine. 

“Fuck—shit—fuck—you—you’re so beautiful y/n. So fucking beautiful and extremely sexy. God, I am so, so in love with you baby. Ugh, I love how it sounds calling you that. Baby. You are MY baby.” 

He grinned widely and stole one more kiss from the corner of your mouth before continuing. “As much as I did not want to go out last night, I needed something else to consume my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how badly I wanted you to be mine. You know how hard it is? Seeing that breathtaking smile of yours, hearing that contagious laughter than makes me smile like an idiot, holding you in my arms, running my fingers through your hair and not being able to kiss you? Not being able to hold your hand and letting the world know that you’re mine? It was torture y/n. From the day we became friends, I knew you were meant to be someone special in my life. I just didn’t know how special nor did I know how much you would mean to me. You’re my entire world y/n.” He pulled you on to his lap and softly cupped your cheeks.

“You are the most selfless, hardworking, generous, kind-hearted, caring and extremely supportive person I’ve ever met. You are the reason I put so much effort and energy in to every little thing that I do. I want you to be proud of me. If you’ve been wondering why I get so angry whenever it comes to you and another guy; like you and Jackson that one movie night, you and Jinyoung when we played spin the bottle, hell, even a few nights ago when you talked about your future husband, it’s because I was jealous. The thought of you loving someone else, kissing someone else, settling down and starting a family with someone who isn’t me sends an upsetting feeling to my stomach. Pathetic isn’t it. I’m a coward who couldn’t act on my feelings because I was too afraid of your reaction so I had no right to be jealous. The reason I got so drunk last night was because BamBam and Jackson wouldn’t stop joking around about how cute you and Park Jinyoung would look together. Fuck Jinyoung—wait—don’t. The only person you’ll be fucking from now on is me. But I hope you know you’re stuck with me and my dick for the rest of your life. Now that I have you, you’re mine forever. I’m never letting you go. My beautiful y/n, I love you so much.” 

He smiled in to the kiss as soon as he felt his lips on yours and quickly wiped away your tear as it fell down your cheek. “To think, if only I got you drunk earlier, we could been in this position sooner.”

“Well I heard that drunk sex is the best kind of sex, so if you want to take a few shots of tequila and celebrate our newfound relationship by bouncing on my dick for the rest of the day then I’m all for it—ow y/n—I’m going to let you know that slapping is only fun if I get to do it to you—I hope you’re this wild during sex. Honestly, what did I get myself into? I’m kidding—come back here. Let me love you baby!”

[braindeadskeletons]

okay so ! id like to ask for a matchup if thats okay !! I am ! literally so all over the place , one second ill be in my room, petting my cat ( whos usually sleeping ), asleep, or listening to music, and the next ill be running outside in the middle of the night, rambling about the stars and how i cant see venus and how i /can/ see jupiter, which is probably a bi-product of my adhd that acts up sometimes ,, ( 1/2 )

Im. fairly short and like all of my friends are half a foot to a foot taller than me ,, i like drawing and playing video games a lot !! and taking care of little plants ive named ,, , i also !! really like soda but thats because im an edgy teen that lives off of pasta and anything thats gummy or fizzy ,, sorry if this is long by the way !! ( 2 / 2 )

Hello there, of course you can have a matchup! Don’t apologize for it being long, your information was the perfect length! Alright so reading through your information I had a bit of a struggle with it. Not because I couldn’t come up with any matches but it was mainly because I had way too many for you and I’d like to settle on just one per person unless you’re poly and I can come up with two matches for you in which case I will I went through the possibilities of Undertale Sans totally not because of your love for space which is basic ik and even Undertale Papyrus i have no reasoning for this tbh I just thought it’d be adorable to see. You also like pasta so and there's a few more on the list. Eventually, I landed you with the skeleton below!

I match you with Underswap Sans!

Just like you, Sans can confidently say that he is also all over the place. Is there ever a time where he isn’t doing something extremely questionable? The answer is no. Papyrus can personally vouch since he’s been dealing with the chaos for years. You both are pretty much two balls of energy made to form a chaotic duo. One minute the two of you are sitting and chatting away happily and the next Papyrus is watching the two of you unleash hell on the world because you two got even the slightest bit bored. It’s a horrifying sight, truly. Does it keep him up at night? Yes. Regardless he’s still just glad that you’ve made his older brother so happy.

During your late-night adventures Sans will often take you out on a motorcycle ride anywhere that you’d like to go! Movies? Done. Edge of a cliff to watch the stars? Done. Dinner? Done. You name it and he’s already bouncing off the walls in excitement to spend time with you! His favorite moments with you include you rambling on about planets and stars as he just admires how attractive he thinks you are. Sans will definitely try and throw in some ideas of his own if you didn’t like those previous ideas. If you don’t like going out much, he’d instead offer you a night in the house where he makes you some of his famous (infamous) tacos! If you’d literally rather do anything except eat his poisoned meal he’ll offer to just sit with you and play video games, which is a side hobby of his anyhow. Be warned: he can and will challenge you to literally anything. Even with games like Animal Crossing, he’ll somehow manage to make it a competition. Who can take down capitalist Tom Nook the quickest? Only an epic fight to the death can tell literally just you planting flowers meanwhile Sans is losing his shit over turnip prices

While he’s in your home 100% expect him to be harassing your cat to try and be besties. And also a number of your plants. You see since you named them he kinda thinks now that they’re some sort of monster in disguise. Or they’re just a monster that strikingly looks like a plant and they’re messing with his cute date-mate! Can’t have that.

----------

You, watching silently: 

Plant: [photosynthesizing n shit] 

Sans: LEAVE MY DATEMATE ALONE INTRUDER

Plant: 

Plant:

Plant: [wind moves leaf]

Sans, powering up an attack: GET BEHIND ME HUMAN

You, panicked: SANS PLEASE IT’S JUST A PL-

----------

He’s a danger to society, your cat, and also a number of your plants. Try to keep him in check.

As for your sleeping habits, he may or may not scold you just like he does his brother. Sans will be a lot more lenient with you compared to his brother however, because he knows humans need plenty of rest! But he is (not) down for your eating habits. Sans will allow you to eat the food that you normally do but in regulation. If you want him to shut up about your habits just hand him one of your sodas. It’ll give him this huge sugar rush and eventually he’ll come crashing down. This method is guaranteed success but also not recommended but a soda induced sugar rush is (intense) Once again, Papyrus will vouch for that himself with how many times he’s offered up his honey to his brother.

No matter what you do he’ll be pretty bitter about how you love pasta so much. Sans would rather dust than give his Undertale self that satisfaction of his own date-mate liking pasta. He’ll just have to work hard to convince you otherwise! And quickly before UT Papyrus hears of this.

With your art, Sans will literally DIE if you draw him. He’ll get so excited and be everywhere and ramble on and on about how much he appreciates the fact that you think he’s worthy enough to draw! He’s going to prove to you that this wasn’t a bad decision! Need him to stand still? His determination will make it happen. Need him to pose dramatically? Hell, he’s perfect for that! The universe agrees as well since somehow whenever he does pose for you his cape is flying in the wind. When you’re done drawing and you show him (even if it isn’t one of him) he’ll hang it up on the fridge and brag to every single monster he knows that you’re his amazingly talented date-mate!

[lunaraen]

I figure a number of the people following me probably do because of a shared interest in Minecraft: Story Mode, and I’m absolutely going to take the time to gush and recommend a different series with a similar sense of humor and ability to balance the jokes with emotion. I know some of the people who follow me are also interested in series like Percy Jackson and Trollhunters, and I think The Last Kids on Earth series is on a similar level to them too, in the sense that it deals with stories about awesome and terrifying adventures featuring teenagers who are just doing their best and who haven’t lost their senses of humor. The Last Kids on Earth also has the benefit of, while being presented mainly through text, having many fun illustrations.

TL;DR: The Last Kids on Earth, written by Max Brallier and illustrated by Douglas Holgate, is a delightfully fun book series that twists what you might expect from a post-apocalyptic story with a just as fun Netflix mini-series adaptation, and while only Book One is up on Netflix now, it’s an hour and seven minute long episode. The series seems to be decently stocked in most libraries, including electronically, so if you’re looking for something fun, silly, and with heart to read, I definitely suggest at least checking out book one. If you want something fun, silly, and with heart to watch, and you also happen to have Netflix, I also definitely recommend watching Book One.

(Oh, and are you a total sucker for found families like I am? This series has you covered.)

More details about the first book and examples of the art and writing under the cut!

For starters, the series has a wonderfully fun art style, and the cover for the first book lets that shine. The other books’ covers are all fun too, but I think tumblr would kill this post many times over if I tried to include them all.

[ID: Illustrated cover, four defiant teenagers stand in a mostly circular formation while grey zombie-like figures with glowing yellow eyes surround them from behind. Each teenager is wielding a weapon, some of which are partly concealed and harder to identify. The character centered at the front holds a splintered and sharp baseball bat and is wearing nondescript pouches. The teenager behind him wields a crossbow with a modified soda-bottle-arrow loaded in it. The title reads “The Last Kids on Earth” in stylized green text with a dark blue border, while in smaller less stylized white text it reads “Max Brallier Author of Galactic Hot Dogs” at the top and “Illustrated by Douglas Holgate” at the bottom.]

The main character of the series, who we meet forty two days after the start of the apocalypse in his town and the Possible End of the World as We Know It™, is Jack Sullivan, a 13 year old whose foster family kinda-sorta-entirely ditched him at the first signs of trouble.

[ID: A white, black haired teenager frowning and holding a splintered baseball bat and a hockey stick while one foot rests on top of an unusual spiny reptilian-like monster head. The text above him reads in black “JACK SULLIVAN -The Hero-” while a number of flavor-text text boxes point out and describe different aspects of his apparel. One pointing to his hand reads “Annoying hand-nail I can’t stop picking at”. Another pointing at his bat says “Louisville Slicer™”. Another for his shoe, reading “Worst. Shoes. Ever.”. The hockey stick is labelled “Hockey Stick, for conking zombie heads.” The pouch at his side are described as “Emergency Peanut M&M Pouch”, while the filled water balloons also hanging at his side are labeled as “Grapefruit juice hand grenades- a blast to the eyes blinds almost anything.”]

He’s our narrator, and he copes largely through humor- a skill he needs even before the start of the apocalypse, because he’ll put himself in danger and say things he shouldn’t if it means sticking up for his best friend.

[ID: Text that reads “I felt Quint’s hand on my shirt, trying to stop me, saying ‘Jack, it’s fine...’ But it wasn’t fine. I hate jerks- whether they’re monster jerks or zombie jerks or just regular human jerks.”

Followed by illustration of characters on bus, Jack turned around in his seat and supporting himself with the back of his chair as he asks “Hey, Dirk, why don’t you pick on someone your own size, huh?” Quint, a black teenager, is sitting behind him and is partly obscured, staring at Jack and Dirk. Dirk, a large, tall white teenager with a mullet/mohawk, is a distance away from the characters and in the foreground of the image, and replies, “Find someone my size and I will.”

Text resumes, reading “I shrugged. ‘I’m sure we can find someone your size. Right, Quint?’ Quint looked out the window and closed his eye and started humming to himself, like he wasn’t involved in this. Sonofa... I turned back to Dirk. ‘Maybe a very rotund panda bear? That might be closer to your impressive figure.’ Dirk reached out and grabbed me by the collar. ‘Hey, Watch the jacket,’ I said. ‘It’s a five-time-hand-me-down. Might even be an antique.’ Dirk growled, ‘You think you’re funny?’ ‘I do. But to be fair, I also think people slipping on ice are funny. And guys getting hit in the groin. My sense of humor isn’t exactly sophisticated.’”]

From the start of the book, Jack handles the apocalypse pretty well, spending his time cataloging the monsters he comes across, keeping track of self made video-game like achievements like knocking off zombie hats, and we first find him focused on trying to get in touch with his previously mentioned best friend, Quint Baker.

[ID: Similar to previous flavor-text text box picture of Jack, with a black teenager smiling, wearing a lab coat and cap, holding a pocket watch, and wearing a large backpack with odd looking technology sticking out of it. In black, the text above him reads “QUINT BAKER -The Best Friend-”. A box pointing to his hat reads “Old-man cap.” Another points to his hair, reading “Hair smells like movie theater popcorn butter.” The pocket watch is described as “Pocket watch for looking dorky.” The text pointing at the technology sticking out of the backpack says “Always working on a new gadget or experiment.” The text for the lab coat reads “Wears a lab coat as a jacket for no good reason.” His sneaker is labelled with “Non-athlete’s foot.”]

Actually- to give you an even better idea of the series’ humor, this is pretty much where we start with Jack, followed by him explaining what he’s been doing and how he got here.

[ID: Jack in mid-air, the bat raised above his head and his legs bent to suggest he has leaped forward, above a large multi-eyed spiny monster that has many sharp teeth, two large tusks, and a long drooling tongue. In black, text above the creature reads “Deadly Duel!” In the lower right-hand corner, all-caps white text in a small black box asks “Who will triumph?!”]

(By the by, the “duel” kind of goes the way you think it would.)

[ID: Text reading “Well, basically, he triumphs. The monster’s massive hand snatches me out of midair. I’m a thimble in his gargantuan grasp. I try to grab hold of my baseball bat blade (aka the Louisville Slicer) but the monster’s crushing grip pins my arms to my sides. He pulls me in close to his face. Thick saliva, like slime, oozes down his lips. His eyes scan me over and his gaping nostrils flair as he inhales my scent. I feel like that blonde babe in King Kong. Only I don’t think this beast wants to hug me and love me... He sniffs some more, blowing my hair back as he exhales. I turn my face. His breath, it’s just- wow- my man here needs to floss. I’ve encountered other freaky beasts over the last forty-two days, but none like this. None that examined me: looking me over, smelling me, studying me.”]

Then we get all the fun backstory end of the world stuff.

[ID: White all-caps text at the top reads “Total monster zombie chaos” while below a large multi-armed, spiny, sharp-toothed, furry monster towers over a sea of zombies, flinging one car in the air as another car sits in the background.]

The end of the world monsters include everything from weird unfamiliar creatures like the one above to more familiar weird creatures like the typical zombie below.

[ID: A zombie in ripped clothing, with black text at the top labeling it a “Classic Zombie”. A speech bubble from it in shaky text reads “Mmuhhh...” and various flavor-text text boxes surround it. The speech-bubble is labeled as “Constant, creepy moaning.” The head’s text box reads “Those empty eyes- they’re spooksville.” The mouth is pointed at and its box says “Bite you and you’re one of them. Undead!” One pointing at its back warns “Stink like hot garbage.” The feet are described as “Slow, until they get close- then fast!”]

And for all the wisecracks and jokes about how well he can handle the new apocalyptic world, early on Jack is shown to be more than just a 2-D smart-mouthing teenage protagonist. He’s pretty good at coping, but he’s still 13.

[ID: Illustration above text, showing a walkietalkie shattering as it hits a rock. Black all-caps text reads “Smash!”

Normal text reads “I stared at the walkie on the ground below. I needed to talk to Quint, but -I’m embarrassed to admit- I was too scared to go down there. Too freaked out. Too scared. Too everything. So I curled up on the floor. I pulled a jacket down over me. I put my earphones in to drown out the sounds of chaos outside. And I slept. I slept for days. It got worse. Zombies everywhere. Giant monsters on the horizon. I blacked out the tree house windows and stayed put.”]

Jack doesn’t stay alone for long, though, and the first book follows him and his friends as they help each other not only survive their crazy new world but also live in it, and maybe actually have some fun along the way. While the first book largely focuses on the group coming together, later stories ramp up the scope of adventures and the threats they face while letting the characters’ interactions and care for each other shine. There’s fun development to be had and cool monster-butt to kick.

(This was my first time writing image descriptions- if you think they can be improved, let me know!)

[gayliensav]

Tagged by @wrothmoth forever ago and accidentally left this in my drafts.

1. do you make your bed?

no, it’s more of a like nest situation i have like 8 blankets here

2. what’s your favorite number?

8

3. what’s your job?

i work in a gas station kitchen

4. can you parallel park?

baaaarely but i can if i absolutely have to. id prefer to drive around the block and find somewhere else first

5. a job you’ve had which would surprise people?

librarian

6. do you think aliens are real?

Y E S 

7. can you drive a manual?

i dont know if this is the stick thingy or just a regular car but yes both

8. what’s your guilty pleasure?

wedding soup

9. tattoos?

i have no moneys for that

10. favorite color?

blue

11. things people do that drive you crazy?

people coughing and not covering it up i swear ill come at you

12. any phobias?

like 

everything

13. favorite childhood sport?

soccer

14. do you talk to yourself?

not outloud

15. what movies do you adore?

dystopian movies for some reason...but like, good dystopian movies 10/10 would recommend occupation (2018), assimilate (2019), and the darkest dawn (2016) are all like lesser known horror/dystopian movies on netflix but theyre so so good. better known ones like as above so below (2014) and the conjuring series, i really like too if i can hide behind my laptop while watching it. any pokemon movies are also a comfort movie to me. id also watch venom any day of the week.

16. do you like puzzles?

sometimes, if i do it with my roommates or something

17. favorite kind of music?

i dont have one. right now im listening to the hamilton soundtrack over and over again

18. tea or coffee?

tea

19. what’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

i think an author or an artist

Inviting: @bringmecoffeeandroses, @rainydayswriter, @susanoosama01, @theholytrashbag, @reedtales, @wvtchinq, @chimeracuddles, @bluestoystercult, @bi-piper-mclean

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#5yrsago Aaron Swartz was no criminal

Dan Purcell, one of Swartz' lawyers, writes about the spiteful and unreasonable charges that led to his suicide—and MIT's gutless support of his prosecutors.

I am a lawyer in San Francisco with a firm called Keker & Van Nest. I was one of Aaron's lawyers in his criminal case, in 2012 and early 2013.

I didn’t know Aaron that well, and our interactions were always colored by the fact that he didn’t really want to be talking to me. I was a criminal defense lawyer after all, and the only reason we knew each other was because he was facing a federal criminal indictment under the CFAA (Computer Fraud and Abuse Act) for computer fraud.

Those of you who knew Aaron don't need me to tell you what kind of person he was. Brian Knappenberger's excellent movie, "The Internet's Own Boy," will tell you more about Aaron than I could. But one thing Aaron was not was a criminal, and I'm here to clear up a few misconceptions you may have about what he did and what he was charged with.

One thing that drives me crazy is when people refer to his criminal case as a case about "hacking." And they do it in sort of a pejorative, scary way. And it's just nonsense. Aaron was, of course, a hacker in the broad sense of the term: he was an innovative thinker, looking for creative ways around problems. But in the criminal sense of the word, as somebody who breaks into a secure computer system for nefarious purposes, Aaron was no hacker, and he didn't do anything like that.

One thing that Aaron strongly believed was that the advances, the discoveries and the secrets we’ve collectively unlocked over the past millennia, about how the world works, belong to all of us. Aaron greatly resented people or entities who try to lock up scientific knowledge and keep it away from general use, so they might monetize it for personal gain.

You might be surprised at how much money is being made in this world by entities that follow just that business model. They take things that are in the public domain, and take them out of the public domain, and then charge for access to them. One field where this happens a lot is academic publishing. Obviously, there is so much information in so many books that it’s not practical to just have physical copies of them all. Digitizing all that data is an easy solution, and indeed there are many places to look up scholarly content online. But when you go to try to do that, you'll generally find that there's a subscription fee, or you can't access them unless you are affiliated with a certain institution. They're in the public domain—meaning that everyone is entitled to read it—but they’re not actually public or available for public use.

This bothered Aaron. It bothered him a lot. And he had fought against this problem throughout his life. He wanted to teach the system a lesson. So, he went to MIT, a university that had, and still has, one of the most permissive computer networks in the world—certainly for an institution of that size. At the time he did what he did, in 2010-2011, anyone in the world could walk onto MIT’s campus. With or without a student ID. With or without any affiliation with MIT at all. They could log on to MIT’s system as a guest. They didn't have to use their real name. And then they could do whatever they wanted on MIT's system.

One thing that MIT made available to its users was access to JSTOR, an online database of scholarly materials. So anybody in the world could go to MITs campus, they could get on to JSTOR, and they could download articles from JSTOR. Anyone.

That’s what Aaron did.

He went to the MIT campus, like anyone could have done. He logged onto the system, like anyone could have done. He went on to JSTOR, like anyone could have done. And he downloaded articles.

That is not hacking. That is walking through a door that MIT, the owner of the door, deliberately left open for anyone to walk through.

Of course, the story's not exactly that simple, because Aaron didn’t want to take the time to manually download thousands of articles, which would have been impractical. He wrote what experts have confirmed was a fairly simple computer program to automate the downloading. So he left his laptop behind, and he went on his way. He downloaded the files, but he didn't steal anything; he used the access freely given at MIT. All the articles that he downloaded stayed in the JSTOR database. They were still available to anybody with access to JSTOR. If you have a JSTOR subscription, and you go to the database, they are still there today. He didn't deprive anybody of access to that material.

After a while, JSTOR noticed the downloading activity and JSTOR shut down access to their database from MIT’s network. For a few days, nobody could get onto JSTOR using the MIT network. That was an inconvenience, for sure, but it was temporary, and MIT’s access to JSTOR was soon restored.

What Aaron did, whether you call it a prank or a consciousness-raising exercise, was not a crime. He downloaded a bunch of articles he was permitted to access using an automated program that made it easier. The idea that anybody could think that was a crime was insane to me. Was it inconsiderate? Possibly. Many acts of civil disobedience and conscious-raising are, and I think Aaron probably would have pleaded guilty to that.

JSTOR was the ostensible victim here, but JSTOR made it clear from the start that they didn't see this as a Federal case. They didn't want Aaron to be prosecuted; they just basically wanted it to be over.

So, why all the fuss? Why did this terrible thing happen?

The first reason is prosecutorial discretion. The prosecutor was Steve Heymann, the head of the Computer Crimes division of the United States Attorney’s office in Boston. You’ll hear a little from him, and a little about him, in Brian’s movie, but I have nothing good to say about him. You might ask, like I did, what Aaron’s actions had to do with “computer crimes.” Aaron hadn’t broken into a secure network and stolen credit card numbers. He hadn't stolen anyone's healthcare data. He hadn't violated anyone's privacy. He hadn't caused anybody to lose any money. There are things that are "computer crimes" that we all recognize are invasive and dangerous, and this was not one of them.

But Steve Heymann did what bureaucrats and functionaries often choose to do. He wanted make a big case to justify his existence and justify his budget. The casualties be damned.

Unfortunately, he had a lot of weapons on his side, in addition to having the power of the Federal Government. He had the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, which is an over broad federal statute that has been made more broad by federal prosecutors trying to stretch its terms. But under the indictment in Aaron's case, the government still had to prove that Aaron had gained unauthorized access to a computer system. Our defense was really pretty simple. There were going to be other nuances, and we were going to talk a lot about Aaron’s motivations and the type of person Aaron was, but our bottom line was going to be that Aaron had done only what MIT permitted him to do. He hadn't gained unauthorized access to anything. He had gained access to JSTOR with full authorization from MIT. Just like anyone in the jury pool, anyone reading Boing Boing, or anyone in the country could have done.

We hoped that the jury would understand that and would acquit Aaron, and it quickly became obvious to us that there really wasn't going to be opportunity to resolve the case short of trial because Steve Heymann was unreasonable.

Of course, after Aaron's passing, it's really easy for them to say "35 years. That was a bluff. It was never gonna happen." That was not what they were telling us. Heymann always insisted on a sentence of hard time in Federal Prison. We said, "this is really a very trivial thing. Can't we resolve it with probation or some other thing that made a little more sense and would make it possible for Aaron to go on with his life?”

He said "no." He insisted that Aaron plead to a felony and serve prison time. And of course, what he said, as prosecutors often do, is that if we go to trial, it won't be so easy, and if we lose, well, this is a tough judge, and the prosecution is going to recommend a very difficult sentence. Aaron may end up having a term of years.

These after-the-fact statements they're making in the media, to try to make them seem more reasonable? That's all they are.

It really goes to show you how much power prosecutors wield in our Federal system. They dictate the charges that are brought. They dictate how serious the sentence will be, because the sentence depends on how the crime is charged, and there are sentencing guidelines that limit the judge’s discretion. And if a prosecutor has bad judgment, as Steve Heymann did—blowing out of all proporition a harmless effort to point out a problem with how public-domain information is being locked up—there isn't a lot you can do about that other than fight, and the consequences can be terrible.

The second reason for this terrible outcome is MIT.

As a defense attorney, I never expect the prosecutors to do the right thing, but I did expect MIT to do the right thing. JSTOR, as I said, came out and said "We don't want to see Aaron prosecuted. We consider the matter closed." MIT never did that. MIT carries a lot of water in Boston. I don't know if they could have stopped Heymann from prosecuting Aaron, but they could have done a lot more than they did.

MIT is an institution that was known for creativity, for hacking, for pranks, for pushing the boundaries—and for showing that good can come out of it. In this case, they responded like a typical corporation. They were entirely gutless. They were supplicants to the government, and they did whatever they could to help the government's case. They were not cooperative with us. A lot of people in the MIT community are furious with MIT, and I think they have good reason to be.

There's no question that Aaron paid a price because of who he was, because he was in the habit of sticking his thumb in the eye of the government, of challenging things, and of challenging certain things that were happening that weren't fair. He was an activist, and he wasn't afraid to ruffle a few feathers.

We'll see what the FOIA requests come to. I don't think there were orders from on high to hurt Aaron, and that Steven Heymann was just the arm of the law. But there's no question in our society, those that go along, get along better, and Aaron wasn't willing to go along, much to his credit.

In the end, the whole thing makes me very sad. It is sad for all of us that Aaron is no longer with us. Sad for his family and friends, most of all. I’m sad I didn’t have the chance to try to help him, and walk him out of the courtroom a free man. We could have done that, and it was certainly what he deserved. But I'm glad to honor Aaron's memory, and to think about what we can do for our own sakes, and our country’s sake.

Photo: Wikipedia

https://boingboing.net/2014/11/18/aaron-swartz-was-no-criminal.html

[benjaminsblog]

Back to the Future

I don’t use Facebook very much these days, but my undisputed favourite part of it is the ‘On This Day’ feature, which digs up anything/everything you posted in previous years on...y’know...this day..and I’m a sucker for a trip down memory lane.

Some of the earlier posts are especially wince-inducing (and have since been erased from existence), but every so often a gem pops up that I’d forgotten about. Normally it is a blog post, as that is pretty much the only thing I put on the Book of Face these days, and today’s collection of nostalgia featured one entry in particular.

5 years ago - on this day - 24-year-old me was very bored, so he wrote a letter to 29-year-old me, outlining some hopes and goals to be achieved in the ensuing five year period. My “younger, better-looking, dumber self” suggested I write back with details of my progress, and as writing topics are currently in short supply, I gladly took him up on his offer. The link below is the full OG post, but I understand if you are only in the mood for one lengthy, self-indulgent blog post:

My previous letter

And here is my reply:

Dear Master Cook,

Thanks for your letter, I enjoyed reading through it even though the tone was a little demanding. I would recommend you do something about that in future letters, but what would be the point?! I’m glad you’ve given me something to do, as I’m currently holed up in my flat most of the time, due to the coronavirus outbreak. That reminds me, you may want to stock up on loo roll now - I know it sounds strange, just trust me.

In response to your first question, I am not often in a position to be asked for ID, but I can say that the record stands at 27 years old, which I say is a damn good effort! I’ve been joking about my impending 30th since, well, since I was your age, but in all honesty I don’t think I care. I feel like a ‘young 30′, if such a thing exists - partly because I still feel fairly youthful and energetic, and partly because I took a while to get going in my quest to become an adult. Having said that, I think you’ll be pleased with my progress.

Your summarised list read as follows:

Your own place

Better volleys

Enjoyable job

Go travellin’

Keep in contact with friends

Ladyfriend

Car?

You didn’t specify it as a target, but at the time of writing we were about halfway through our degree, and I did indeed pass with a 2:1 as you’d hoped. This was no mean feat and I think you deserve some credit for that! I didn’t quite end up in a graphic design field, but I am most definitely in a job I enjoy, and have some nice colleagues. You haven’t even started working at Asda yet, which made me smile! It won’t always make you smile, but there are some lovely people there, too, and they throw you a nice leaving do (bring a spare change of clothes). 

These days I am a sports graphics operator, and still pinch myself sometimes that I’ve wound up here; I work at live sports events, and have already had the pleasure of attending a number of prestigious tournaments - my very first OB (outside broadcast) was an FA Cup semi-final at Wembley, which was pretty special. An added bonus is that our work is not confined to these shores, and as a result I have made huge inroads into my travellin’ itinerary - Ireland, Scotland, and New York have been ticked off your starter list, and I have also visited South Africa, Germany and Japan in less than a year on the job! Italy and Canada are highest on my list now, and had it not been for COVID-19, I would have had those both ticked off by the end of this year. 

After graduation, I spent a couple of years in a flat with Will, your fellow graphic design classmate; I’m not sure if you’ve gotten used to his distinctive behaviour by now, but bear with it, it gets more tolerable (sort of). More recently, I moved into my first solo space when I got this job to be close to the office, and on the whole I’m very pleased with it - though I will admit to occasionally missing some immediate company, even if it came in the shape of strangled noises and shouts from the other room. Another benefit is that work covers travel expenses, so I am less desperate for a car nowadays. Getting home is also easier, and given that you added a ‘?’ to it, I guess this was more of a ‘it would be nice to have it’ kinda thing.

Aside from Will, I have kept in contact with a number of people from Uni, though I will confess that most of it is through Facebook, which I know you told me was not acceptable. In my defence, I did spend two weeks with one of them in Japan, so I think that evens it out a little. I do make use of another Facebook feature - the ‘friendaversary’ - and use them as a reason to send a message to people and ask how they’re doing. On top of that, I also had a girlfriend - yes, really - and even though that sentence reads ‘had’, I think there was a lot to be proud of. Do me a favour and start watching ice hockey now...and remove Blade Runner from your list of movies to watch.

I will admit that the biggest failing on this list has been the tennis, recently, at least. I played regularly in Portsmouth right up until I left (I won’t spoil the ending for you), but since then, court time has been hard to come by. I did find a tennis club in my area not too long ago, but only managed a couple of sessions before lockdown happened. I haven’t yet had any lessons, but I would hope my volleys are a little better than yours, given the copious amounts of doubles you will soon be playing.

There you go, an update 5 years in the making. I would apologise for making it so long, but we both know you’re gonna love reading through it all, even if no one else does! I’m not setting 34-year-old me any targets for the time being, but you can rest easy knowing that I’m in a pretty good place, having ticked off about 80% of the tasks you set me (Mum would probably say that I haven’t changed that much!). I’m sitting in the living room of my flat in my comfy chair - get yourself a bloody sofa! - and as chance would have it, it is also Friday today, so I will sign off in the same way you did, and wish the best for the next 5 years.

Happy Friday!

Your older, wrinklier, wiser self,

Benjamin James Cook

[televisor-reviews]

Top 10 WORST Movies Of 2018!

As everyone is talking about their favorite and least favorite films of last year, I’d much rather take a look at what came out two years ago! This is what I do every New Year, get used to it. And keep in mind that I haven’t seen every film from 2018, so as bad as I’m sure Sherlock Gnomes and Pacific Rim: Uprising are, I haven’t gotten around to them. If you’d like a list of every film I have seen, I have them listed on my Letterboxd: https://drive.google.com/uc?id=1HnDnQ4ibO82ryM9lOCGgw1FZhVLdC4SZ

#10. Fifty Shades Freed On my 2015 list, I didn’t even bother putting Fifty Shades Of Grey on it because I thought it was absolutely hilarious! On my 2017 list, I placed Fifty Shades Darker at the very top for its lack of even the basics of what makes a decent flick, notably there being no real plot. So I guess I’m meeting this franchise in the middle by putting Fifty Shades Freed at the tenth spot for just how batshit this movie is. Shit kinda just happens randomly with little to no reason while also not being funny in the slightest. In fact, large segments of the film is kinda boring, particularly the sex scenes in which there are so many that by the 20th time, you’d just get used to it like a jump scare in Winchester. Really, the biggest reason this is only at #10 is because Fifty Shades Freed has Freed us all from this series, assuming that a film adaptation of Grey isn’t made. And that’s the greatest compliment I’ve ever given to one of these movies. #9. A Wrinkle In Time I once heard someone justify Disney’s live action remakes by saying they help fund their more unique film escapades like Nutcracker And The Four Realms (which barely didn’t make the list). The problem with that is that I don’t want those ether! And considering how Solo and The Rise Of Skywalker turned out, maybe Disney’s live action department should just stick with Marvel movies. Honestly, I don’t completely remember why I left the theater after seeing A Wrinkle In Time so angry, like legitimately pissed off. I remember the girl who looks like one of the Mean Girls being treated like a member of the Losers Club, how terrible the child acting was, how even worse the adult acting was, how annoying everybody who wasn’t Chris Pine was, and how that little kid was named Charles Wallace because the characters said it at least a million times! Considering how angry I am just writing about it, I’m guessing it was a combination of all of those elements being wrapped up with a pretentious bow. Honestly, A Wrinkle In Time was a humongous waste of my time. #8. Show Dogs It’s a bad sign when the movie starring Bojack Horseman yelling at Ludacris dog is only at #8 on my list. The big reason for that is because this is so terrible that I had to break down laughing at times. Not because Show Dogs is genuinely or ironically funny, it’s just so batshit insane that I had to laugh. Almost like a defense reflex: like if I wasn’t laughing, I’d end up jumping off the roof. The plot is crazy, the acting is crazy, the whole fucking idea is crazy! I’d like you to stop and imagine Will Arnett with the straightest face possible yelling at a dog voiced by Ludacris that nobody can actually hear in the middle of a very serious police station about the dog fucking up an undercover job and somehow not laughing your ass off. That is what it was like watching Show Dogs. You’re welcome. #7. Slender Man I think people really downgrade how good horror has been lately. I know that in a world of Insidious: The Last Key and Truth Or Dare, it’s easy to be pessimistic. And I think people also dismiss the greatness the internet has had on modern pop culture. Considering how bad things like Daphne And Velma and Mowgli: Legend Of The Jungle are, I kinda get it. In reality, these tend to be the outliers among a lot of greatness, but after seeing Slender Man, I’m starting to think similarly. I was one of the only people who was actually excited about this movie because I’m young enough to remember a time when Slender Man: The Eight Pages was the scariest thing in the world and after seeing how well Hollywood treated the character in Beware The Slender Man, I was really hopeful. Little did I know that Madhouse Entertainment had one of the least interesting and least scary horror movies I’ve ever seen with boring characters, a monster that’s barely in the movie, and a script that’s closer to Rings than it is to its source material. I really hope this’ll go the way of Ouija and Annabelle and end up having a really good followup or else Slender Man will be a huge blot on the legitimacy of the internet. #6. Snake Outta Compton I’m gonna be straight with y’all, I have been doing a pretty bad job at keeping up with horror B-movies lately. I mean, I did watch The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time and Leprechaun Returns but those were mostly just mediocre, even within the context of the rest of their franchises. So when I saw the title Snake Outta Compton, I knew I had to watch it expecting something really stupid and funny as all hell. Instead I got a boring and uninteresting barely even an attempt at cinema. I really hated this film, it’s just such a boringly dull film where little to nothing ever happens and I hated every dumb second of it. The terrible rapping, the awful effects, the horrendous acting, everything in snake Outta Compton sucks and I hate it. #5. Norm Of The North: Keys To The Kingdom Remember that god awful polar bear movie starring Rob Schneider from a few years ago… yeah, they made four of those. Normal people would say the first Norm Of The North was the absolute bottom of the barrel, I say “No!… It’s Norm Of The North: Keys To The Kingdom,” and even more suicidal people would probably say it’s Norm Of The North: King Sized Adventure. If you thought the animation in the original was bad, you’ve seen nothing! This is so bad that I’m not even sure it should be considered animation! This is so bad that it makes Duck Duck Goose look like The Grinch! This is so bad that they couldn’t even get Rob Schneider back! The plot, it’s like this is one of those straight to DVD Disney sequels that were made up of episodes of conceled TV shows except why would anyone try to make Norm Of the FUCKING North into a TV show! But apparently it made money considering how (and I’ll repeat this again) there are four of these! Maybe the immense failure of Arctic Dogs will stop Entertainment Studios from making any more. #4. The Thinning: New World Order Speaking of sequels that’ll make the originals look like masterpieces, we’ve got Logan Paul’s magnum opus, coming straight outta that Japanese suicide forest. A film that tells you that a country made up of the smartest 95% of citizens are stupid enough to not catch on to the pretty obvious government plan going on in this universe. Even more so, apparently presidents to be are allowed to just make major laws that’ll arrest about 50% of the population before being sworn in as president. But even more so, I’m to believe that Logan Paul of all people is smart enough to escape these poorly conceived concentration camps. This is a key example of suspension of disbelief gone too far. I don’t believe for a second that this world actually could exist. And I want everyone reading this to remember The Thinning: New World Order after seeing what I put at number one that even liberals can make terrible movies too! #3. The 15:17 To Paris No shit, this is easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theaters. No joke, no sarcasm, the Clint Eastwood trainwreck that is The 15:17 To Paris is by far one of the worst movies of the decade… and it’s only at #3 on my bottom 10 of the year. Let me explain. Where the absolute bottom of the barrels of the year are total slogs that I wouldn’t be able to stand watching again, this is actually really fun to watch. Immediately after seeing it in theaters, I wanted to see it again just to make sure it wasn’t a fever dream. In every conversation I have, I recommend this movie because it has to be seen to be believed. Of all the films on this list, this is the only one I’d actually recommend to people. No other film has the balls to portray three normies with ADD talking as boringly as possible taking selfies in Venice for 30 minutes for no goddamn reason. In no other movie will you see a bunch of comedians try and do serious roles that they had no right being casted in. When I went back to school and brought this up with my film nerd friends, every one of them had a different story of watching this. My god, please watch The 15:17 To Paris so that we can convince Clint Eastwood into making The 15:18 To Paris. #2. Gotti Let me tell ya, Gotti is one of the wurst felms ya’ll evar see! Who in da hell convinced John Travolta that he culd do serious roles! But in all seriousness, this movie sucks. I’m not super familiar with the story of John Gotti, and by that I mean I’ve never even heard the name before seeing this film. And I’m pretty sure that to even get what’s going on in this, you’d have to see a 3 hour documentary on the guy beforehand or else you’d be incredibly confused the entire time because I know I was! Don’t even ask me what happens in Gotti because I have no clue. It goes all over the place with different characters doing different things at different points in time and eventually, I stopped paying attention! I do remember that there were about 20 characters named “John,” John Gotti only kills one guy though I’m pretty sure that as a mob boss he’d kill more, and I have no idea how this mafia makes money. Oh, and this convicted feline is apparently also Jesus Christ. I’ll tells yas, ya can live 100 yeers an neva see a moovy as bad as Gotti. Before we get to #1, let’s do some runners up!

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom I wanted so bad to put this on the list because as a pretty big Jurassic Park fan, I can fairly say that Fallen Kingdom is easily the worst film in the franchise. If only because of that dumb ass twist at the end with that kid I kinda forgot even existed. Or just for those annoying ass comedic reliefs that are consistently useless. Or just because on a base filmmaking level, this movie sucks. Hurricane Bianca: From Russia With Hate Listen, I’m openly and proudly bisexual, so I get how important it is to get good representation out there in the film industry. And I also get why a lot of the Ru Paul: Drag Race fandom has latched onto this series. But Jesus Christ guys, drag queens can do better and they deserve better. From Russia With Hate is definitely a step in the right direction with it being way more interesting and fun than the first Hurricane Bianca… but come on guys! These aren’t good movies! Just watch more Drag Race, it’s much better. The Happytime Murders Disney, please let Muppets Now be good! The puppetry artform deserves better than this garbage! The Happytime Murders is a movie in which half the jokes is that a puppet is jizzing a lot. Honestly, my biggest beef with this film is that it doesn’t even get to the heart of what people love about the Jim Henson style of puppetry, notably the fun. Look at most of the cast, they are very humanoid compared to Kermit The Frog or Fozzy Bear. This movie is, first and foremost, not fun. Bob Lazar: Area 51 And Flying Saucers This is my nomination for worst documentary of the year. It’s just annoying to me that this guy can get away with lying to so many people without any repercussions. In fact, he gets this whole documentary that’s basically sucking his dick the entire time! I went in expecting something along the lines of Behind The Curve, a doc that takes an even stance at looking at its crazy subject matter but in a respectful way. In reality, Area 51 And Flying Saucers isn’t even in the slightest being totally on Bob Lazar’s side without questioning his all knowing wisdom for a second and is n’t respectful in the slightest for the intelligence of its viewers! Fuck this doc! A Simple Favor This is my nomination for best worst movie of the year. A Simple Favor is a crazy film with a cast and crew taking it weirdly seriously for a comedy, all with super monotone voices. None of the actual jokes are genuinely funny but lots of them are ironically hilarious. Granted I was very high while watching this, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s the best state of mind to be in while watching it! And did I mention how nobody acts during this but rather just say their lines monotonely! Loved it! God’s Not Dead: A Light In Darkness This was the year Christian propaganda got boring. I was so excited when I went to see I Can Only Imagine in theaters as my first theatrical Christian film experience only to be totally disappointed when it turned out to be pretty dull. Even more so when, later on in the year, the newest installment in the world famous God’s Not Dead franchise, the same one that first brought upon this new age of Christian based filmmaking that’s brought me so much joy before, turned out to be similarly dull. There was a split moment when a character states, “Jesus Christ was the original social justice warrior,” when I was brought back to life with its own stupidity, but it turned out to be fleeting. Not outrageous enough to be put on the list, but too outrageous to be any good. So this is how God’s Not Dead ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper. The Meg And speaking of boring, The Meg has to be the most boring shark movie ever made. A film that feels like it lasts for days and in which no real stakes feel like are in play. This has got to be the most boring and dull and uninteresting and BORING movie of the year! And considering how boring of a year it was for film, that’s saying a goddamn lot! Mary Poppins Returns I feel like I went through an arc of my own while watching this. I went from, “this isn’t bad,” to, “okay, this is a little too much like the original,” to, “why the fuck am I watching this?” Mary Poppins Returns feels like one of the Disney live action remakes because it’s basically just a shittier version of the original with absolutely no good reason to exist let alone to watch, especially compared to said original. And the climax makes absolutely no sense with the logic of the film universe; she can literally fly! And by god, does this feel like anything but Mary Poppins. Blockers Listen, I get that this film is sex positive and that’s a really great thing and all the actors are really trying their best. But it is all in vain for this film with a really unfunny script and that’s kinda important for a comedy. Sometimes Blockers can get a chuckle out of me because of how over the top it can get at times but those are just outliers in a mostly mediocre movie that got built up too much because of how much positivity is in this. Proud Mary Proud Mary is the perfect example of a film in which just because someone can do it well, doesn’t mean everyone can. Ever since Quentin Tarantino has been making movies like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, throw back action films have been really cool to see. Then, all of a sudden, the director of London Has Fallen had to come around and remind everyone that they can’t all be winners. Mostly dull dialogue between characters I don’t care about waiting for the action that isn’t even all that good. I was really hopeful that Proud Mary would be fun, but it’s anything but. #1. The Trump Prophecy Listen, I get that when I say that a movie literally titled The Trump Prophecy is the worst film of the year, it comes off as if I’m making a big political statement but believe me, I am not. Politically, admittedly, I am pretty liberal but I’m not really a political dude. But I do know terrible filmmaking when I see it, and believe it or not, a film about a crazy firefighter who gets a vision in his sleep from a god orb that Donald Trump must be president might not be very good. In fact, fuck this cynical, piece of shit, taking advantage of conservatives, monotonely acted, with no love or passion put into it, goddamn movie! As much as I didn’t like any of the movies I’ve mentioned on this list, it’s clear someone, anyone, was passionate about making them. But considering how clearly the director never asked any of his actors to do a second take, no love is clearly put into this. How cynical, how shameless. As someone who does genuinely love the art of filmmaking and would adore the opportunity to make a relatively big budget movie myself, the fact that something as lifeless as The Trump Prophecy gets to be put into any theaters really pisses me off. Say what you want about The 15:17 To Paris, at least it had its heart in the right place. Say what you want about Gotti, at least John Travolta was obviously passionate about the project. This has nothing and is easily the most hatable film I’ve seen in years!

[pies-writes-and-more]

Get To Know Me

I was tagged by the lovely @angryteapot​ !

Username:  pies-wands-and-more

Reason for username: lol my username is so weird - I’m always thinking about changing it. Pies = Supernatural, Wands = Harry Potter, More = Avengers, Sherlock, Merlin, Criminal Minds, Disney etc. the blog is for my fandom shit so I tried to find a name to suit it :) 

Gender:  Female Warrior

Marital status:  Not married but i’ve been in a relationship for 3 years :)

Job:  Currently in a co-op job as an office admin/event coordinator but normally I’m a student 

Number of family members:  In my immediate family, I’ve got 4 ppl. Too many i dont care about in my extended family soooo 

Fun or obscure fact so we can make sure you’re not a Skrull:  I have very little hair on my arms and legs so i’ve got pretty smooth skin and i never shave/wax - makes for weird moments with my friends when theyre just stroking my arms LOL 

Favorite pastime:  have yet to discover something i completely love, so if you have any suggestions lmk!

Hobbies: Writing, singing, watching netflix, makeup, online shopping 

Favorite fandom(s):  Marvel, Harry Potter, Disney, BBC Merlin (but I didn’t finish it cause i know how it ends :( ), Doctor Who, Sherlock, B99, RPDR, Ouran High School Host Club, Criminal Minds, and probably a ton others that I’m forgetting

Favorite book(s):  Harry Potter, I really liked the Percy Jackson series when I was growing up, The Kite Runner and a Thousand Splendid Suns were both so incredibly sad that I’ll never forget them so I should add them in here, Rupi Kaur’s poems, the October List, etc

Favorite movie(s):  MULAN. Anything else Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks, To All The Boys I Loved Before, uhhh I can’t think of anything else. Pls send me some recommendations though!!!

Favorite actor(s):  Copying @angryteapot when I say Chris Evans and RDJ, Chris Hemsworth, and some others I can’t think of 

Favorite actress(es):  Emma Watson, Zendaya, Julie Andrews, Anne Hathaway, probs some others but im bad at keeping up with celebrities

Favorite food(s): Um is it sad to say I don’t really have any? Ice cream?? 

Funniest memory: Lol i can’t of any, how sad it that? I mean what I can think of though is this time in first year, I was having a really rough day and I just wanted to come back to my dorm, have a bowl of Lucky Charms and sulk. But when I got home, I had no milk and literally burst into tears LOL my roommate was laughing at me and I was laughing at myself but like damn i was so sad about that milk OH WAIT I THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE LOL there was this guy that i liked in my senior year - we had known each other since grade 9 so like we were super great friends, but there was something about him in senior year that i was like damn he so sweet and i like him. anyways so we been flirting and all that shit, and i was the stage manager for that year of our school play (the trial of Ebenezer scrooge i think it was called) and he played one of the christmas ghosts. he had to have all these chains and emerge from the trap door so normally, he had someone else help him up from that trap door. The person who normally helped him was sick for a day so i helped him out. Anyways down there, he finally was like hey btw i like you and we had that whole talk about liking each other and it was cute. Anyways so apparently from the seats in the audience, you could kinda see into the trap door, and my friends were out there being like “omg we can see your heads...are yall kissing???” “omg where did your heads just go??? WHATRE YOU DOING DOWN THERE” - it was hilarious i love my friends and him lol they were great

Most touching memory: There was this girl in my high school, she was super sweet and great. I left for a year for some...reasons LOL, and when I came back, all my friends had moved on to finding better friend groups. I was going back into that school for my senior year feeling super alone and sad, and this girl who i had barely talked to in my other years messaged me being like ‘i know that your friends kinda moved away from you but i just wanted to let you know that if you ever need anything im here and id love to hang with you’. Like damn she made me so happy - i definitely didn’t feel as alone as i thought i would. 

Favorite childhood memory: eh i dont remember my childhood lol blacked it out due to bad memories 

Favorite thing about Tumblr:  FANFICS :D damn yall so creative and shit. It’s real bad though cause now im like fully in love with fictional characters and i have no clue what to do about it LOL 

THANKS TO @angryteapot FOR TAGGING ME <3 I LOVED YOUR ANSWERS, LOVELY!

Tagging: @kaytizzle @izzys-addiction-for-fiction @slytherinandco @neoqueen306 @home-the-long-way-around @skizzlewonderland @xenwayy @ireallyloveearlgrey and anyone else who wants to!!! tell me everything!!!