#not a lot of regrets over all
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what draws you back to your country what draws you back to your land when i was a kid i told myself if i ever left iran i'd never go back 2 years into living in the UK i started looking at news on iran again 10 years in and i visited it for the first time again and today i heard an iranian mother talk in farsi to her child on the train to london the way my mother used to and i wanted to cry i wanted to ask her whether they're still cutting the mountaintops whether the lakes are still drying today i showed the person i was with pictures of waterfalls and palaces and forests and snow-white north something odd pulls me back with increasing force i can't ignore it ever again
#i just dont know how else to tell you everything !!! santoor from a different room the large family gathering the black tea with saffron#drank out of delicate glass and gold vessels cold marble on hot nights big stars big rivers big mountains#visible from busy tehran roads the ease of conversation tension eased by sarcasm tall tall cliffsides you drive by#rushing to put on headscarves before the head teacher comes in a rave by the base of damavand massive sun pastel purple skies#disjunct architecture trucks on road sides with fresh fruits pomegranates watermelons oranges everywhere#the smell of golpar on tangerines beautiful girls in tehran holding hands bautiful boys in kermanshah speaking kurdish the janky#cars on the verge of breakdown held together by love caspian sea lighting up in spring staying up into the morning on noruz#my friends uncle sang and played setar his son played the violin a little fear a lot of love remnants of something#grand carved into the cliffside everything feels bigger taller the landscape swallows you it smells like#illegally imported wine and orange blossoms and auntie's tahchin soaking your eyes in warm tea when youre sick#tomatoes and salt concrete and stone something mandmade and something raw new flag old resilience#the anger getting to us bruised eyes big grin all i know is the north i feel sorry my mother asks if id be okay#if they got a place in tajikistan we love each other enough dont we? when we look in the mirror we see each other. theres a love letter#across the border and it says I MISS YOU IM GLAD YOURE DOING BETTER itll never be the same im not okay with it at all there are no more#stars i miss jumping over big fires i miss our fireworks im sorry we cant be happy anymore everyone#leaves the mint and rosewater and sunlight for a reason.#it's not pride it's just generational regret
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now that you've already stepped into my life...
#only friends#ofts#only friends the series#raysand#sandray#khaotung thanawat#first kanaphan#cw flashing#rowan gifs#khaotunq#tusersilence#tuserhidden#anialook#userdorksinlove#uservid#usertaeminie#useralias#hi everyone that's. lots of tags for me. im ;; abt it. but#do you guys think about how hard ray has clung to sand over and over#how many times he's reached out to keep sand from leaving#do you think about how ray is terrified of being abandoned again like he's beginning to fear mew is doing to him#and how someday. in the future. he'll say that line in the caption#because sand has reached back now. and ray has to be the one to push him away. and he'll do it. and he'll regret it#anyway. do you think about that. i thought about that all day.
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Can we talk about how fcked up Charles can be sometimes? Can we talk about how Charles can sometimes be actually scary as a person? Like he can legit be nefarious sometimes, but those moments are not as talked about as Erik's warcrimes (aside from the holocaust visions from TAS)
girlfriend i promise we're all very aware about how wack charles xavier can be and i assure you his nefarious moments are talked plenty from what i run into. like outside of this inbox most times you breathe charles' name to someone they'll be prepared to start swinging
#snap chats#its kinda funny tho. like out of all the charas ive fave'd over the years its funny how charles incites the most violence#and i get it i aint sayin it unfounded !!! just funny alright i stand with my problematic wife and all his wrongdoings. sometimes.#six decades of writers and writing decisions will lead to a lot of Girl What decisions#like marvel ruins. where charles is president. sorry girls im bringing it up if we wanna talk bout Fucked Up Charles#i mean those issues arent really. good. not just cause its grotesquely dark I Can Enjoy Dark And Gruesome Themes#the art's also hauntingly beautiful to look at its sad it's attached to such a nothing series. theres no real story ..#like i doint MIND dark or morally-dubious charles im a fan of it even when its done right or interesting#but thats where marvel ruins fumbles It Doesnt Do Anything Interesting with a morally corrupt charles#it just goes 'yeah hes fucked up and does terrible things now' like ok and .......... wheres the rest of the sauce ...#a less Gruesomely Fucked decision comparatively charles did was plant a virus on david because he didnt trust him Not to fuck things up#he regrets it like five seconds later after he realized How Fucked Up That Was but still ... charles ... im going to chokeslam you...#back to the main topic tho. its very funny because charles be catching strays on xmen twitter too#and i mean The Sincerest Of Strays tho i guess if you try Any xmen topic can go back to charles#but the post'll be bout an entirely different bloke or lass and theyll be wishing ill will on cue ball like girl he aint even HERE#anyway. yeah charles' imperfections is what makes him really interesting. to me. thank you#now for my next post to be an awkward juxtaposition to this one unless someone ones to throw in an ask last minute#and i mean very last minute i think i have all the tags typed up ont he other one vjeLKEJA
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knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it
#tumblr would be tumblr without me—as would the self ship community. it’s silly for me to feel so invested this Thing that is just that:#a Thing. it can’t give me the love or care or satisfaction with life that i’m looking for. i’ve been hiding on here—escaping reality.#because it’s fun to live in an imaginary world where i’m everything i want to be. where i’m the main character.#but in doing so i’ve been neglecting the ugly parts of my real life; the pain and hurt and harsh realities.#over the past couple months it has become apparent to me that i tend to put too much trust and effort into people#who have neither the capacity nor the desire to reciprocate.#so i just look like a fool in the end. (this isn’t about anyone here—just a pattern of behavior in general.)#at the end of the day#having thousands of followers on tumblr has no impact on my real life. if anything it makes me feel more isolated than ever.#because it’s yet another arena where i feel like i have to carve out my own space; i’ve never been good at taking up space.#anyway i suppose i’ll take the weekend away and see how i feel. i’ve had a lot of shit happening irl that has been so horribly difficult.#so maybe getting through all of that will help me feel more comfortable on my own blog again.#if you read this all i’m so sorry. i’ll prob regret posting my heartfelt thoughts in the future but at this very moment i don’t care.#self preservation be damned.#please support ficsforgaza; i’ll still be helping aleks over there because it’s one of the few places where i feel useful.#okay i’m done now. i’ll see you later. i wish you all so much love and nothing but the best.#tw personal
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guys flint does not hate cosmo he dislikes the satellite investors .
as a matter of fact they LOOK UP TO cosmo but unfortunately their conflict with the satellite investors causes cosmo to hate their guts LMAO
this idea brings so much potential for funny shenanigans n whatnot but i keep seeing flint and cosmo portrayed as hating each other but thats just not true . flint does not hate cosmo at all, its his assistants they have an issue with . why exactly is unknown (pls build on this clash crew im so curious i wanna see more of satellite investors vs flint its so funny to me)
#toontown#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#cosmo kuiper#plutocrat#flint bonpyre#firestarter#satellite investors#hi i just have to quickly save the fandom from falling into a mischaracterization of flint#flint and cosmo and the SIs are so funny and have been one of my FAVORITE dynamics since i FIRST got into ttcc#and i cannot stand by and watch a key part of it be erased .#i will say MAYBE at some point#considering flint hates being walked all over and cosmo yells at them a lot#MAYBE they would snap at cosmo at some point . but it would be followed by IMMEDIATE regret.#it would be pent up anger from like. the satellite investors. that they let out on the very wrong person#do u understand.#flint would NOT fucking actively challenge cosmo in an argument of any sort#bc theyre afraid of him and also look up to him . the last thing they want is to start shit with him#unfortunately they DO end up starting shit with him bc they cant keep their mouth shut abt their dislike towards the SIs#anyway ramble over .
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absolutely love mothwing but the concept of mothstar is so utterly bleak to me.
she’s a cat who has already walked the path of a warrior to the point of being awarded her full name, and yet still yearned to be a healer in her heart. she was denied the post solely due to her heritage, not to be permitted unless starclan blessed her with a sign. it was not starclan who provided this holy signal but her brother, and despite the stress, guilt, and trickery which stemmed from the false omen she still finally got to be a healer as she had always dreamed. fully committed to her post, she was giving the practice her all despite everything and it shows. you could tell this was her true passion. when it got out she was not appointed by starclan, she was stripped of her title in an instant. it didn’t matter how loyal and dedicated and skilled she was, she’s just a faithless half-clan loner to them. always reduced back to being a warrior like a goddamn punishment. when she finally regained her post due to a genuine sign, it only lasted a few seasons before the kin and then the imposter took turns tearing riverclan apart. she was exiled, apparently not even fit to be a warrior this time although shadowclan thankfully took her in and let her work as their healer. still, all mothwing wanted to be was *riverclan’s healer.* that is literally all she wanted her entire life and she has had to fight every pawstep of the way to cling onto a role most cats overlook entirely in the first place.
and now she’s forced to leave it all behind once again with not even a moment to fully settle. temporarily sure, but if she returns and is made to become mothstar? once more giving up her passion for the good of riverclan, but this time it’s permanent. she’s already over eleven years old, and now with nine more lives she’ll be spending each and every one as a warrior. all the current cats in her clan will likely die before she does, and the ones which come in their place will only *ever* know mothstar, the warrior, the leader of riverclan. not mothwing, the healer, the thing she committed to through thick and thin when her dedication to the clan was called into near constant question over things out of her control. and when mothwing finally, FINALLY dies, it will be as mothstar. she will give the leader which succeeds her a life, that too will be as mothstar, a life bestowed for leadership and not for healing. but it never was about what she truly desires, only what others thought best.
this is just my opinion of course formed over all we know about her and the several arcs she’s featured in but dude. Dude.
#literally the one character who screamed cried kicked fought for being a healer#who literally had eleven years worth of opportunities to revert to being a warrior if she WANTED TO that wouldve been so much fuckin easier#than the shit she’s had to endure for being a healer#but she’s kept at this and outside of hawkfrost’s schemes never once regretted it#so to suddenly be like SURPRISE! LEADERSHIP OF RIVERCLAN! oh my god#the irony is insane#holding onto a sliver of hope she won’t be made leader but if she is like i assume#she’s going just slightly below leafpool and squirrelflight in levels of most fucked over for no reason character ever#restating this is JUST MY OPINION ur free to enjoy the idea of mothstar all u wish lmao#re read tbc so i’m thinking about her a lot lately#mothwing
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NANCY DREW PARALLELS
the sign of the uninvited guest (1x14) ⇾ the witch tree symbol (3x12)
#nancy drew#nancy drew cw#nace#naceedit#nancydrewedit#tvedit#cwedit#feeling a lot of things currently#thinking about how ace tells laura that he's not going to leave horseshoe bay#because he has found purpose there and would regret leaving#then in 2x06 saying that everything they've done with nancy has given him a sense of purpose#discovering his skills with forensics#then in 2x18 when leaving on the road trip with amanda saying he feels like he's left something behind#to agreeing with ryan when he said that nancy makes him want to be a better person#to admitting his feelings for nancy#and telling her that he doesn't regret telling her#and also carson telling nancy that he didn't regret loving kate even though they didn't get to spend forever together#thinking thoughts over here and they all hurt#i miss them so much#tv: nancy drew#creations: gifs#edits: nancy drew parallels#otp: i couldn't lose you
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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im thinking here 🤣
one thing that really gets me about fate cu is that yeah he had me fooled for a long time- by how he seems so bold and open, but he also has many emotional walls as well. he's got a heroic and kindhearted side; as well as being a cocky ass man with loads of epic skills. he serves people devotedly, but also has a very hot headed and almost dominating pride around them, at times, too. but then if duty calls for it, he can give the impression of indifference too, even if everything is going to shit inside- so even despite being very emotional, he can be super pragmatic as well...
he also seems to seriously play the role of anything he's expected to be as well, like he really seems to take being a "hero" and "servant" very literally, even if he may hate some parts of the role-or some expectations of him- at times.
it feels like it's not hard to befriend him or end up intimately entangled with him, but i feel like only very few people actually get close to him. yes he is very friendly, dependable, romantic and open to enjoy a wide variety of people... but i do feel like something about him feels extraordinarily distant. cu to me feels pretty walled off, despite him being so open on the outside. i guess it makes sense in context though?
but to have him open up? something tells me he may be a way slower burner to be very close to and vulnerable with. i know this sounds wild because he expresses his emotions so openly, and is super open to physical intimacy- but idk he seems like he keeps his heart very tightly guarded, probaby for good reason too.
all the "dam bitch you live like this" memes about him make sense now... i didn't realise he is probably a bit of a wreck inside from all the shit he been through and mistakes, regrets, and hardships as well as bs in his life.
#personal on fgo#lol if i cant get help i will just sit and ponder him until i die#maybe he does have regrets after all?#probably a lot more than he lets on#he now gives me an impression of:#that one great homie who i can rely on yet he feels so distant!#i can see him over the mountains but cant reach him#cu chulainn
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Chapter 50 - Kill 'Em Dead
#boku no hero academia#deku#izuku midoriya#bnha#my hero academia#no because can we TALK about this panel??#that's the look of ''is my friend even alive out there right now''#that's such a genuine concerned‚ scared‚ worried‚ ect expression#the ''my friend is out there‚ what if he's not okay'' look#his friend who's already going through a lot of hurt#this was before the war but after usj‚ he's not used to hero stuff yet and now there's explosions in the very place he KNOWS his friend is#and the worst part is. iida isn't safe. iida's about to confront stain.#izuku's RIGHT to be so scared and worried#this is the moment where all the regret of not talking to iida sooner washes over him#i really should make my bnha analysis blog soon...#would anyone be interested in that tho#running back to this post to say i did make the bnha analysis blog. it's empty rn but if anyone here likes my silly little analysis tags#it's @camposnotebook#empty rn since i'm busy as hell lately however. it exists now
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#also for anyone who cares I did end up seeing George’s response and I’m much more neutral on everything now pending caiti’s new info#needless to say this blog will be up forever p much and you won’t see any dteam anti shit from me ever 👍#I just will probably still be an absentee because I’m getting so busy with life and the vct frogisms have taken over 😭#but ill be around from time to time! like I said before I have very few regrets of my time here and that still stands. ily all lots#cya for now it’s finals week soon I’m getting my ass handed to me by everything 😭😭😭
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#belaf#made in abyss#i have felt a lot of anxiety over fandom lately. for dumb hyperspecific overthinking-shit reasons#like. a huge amount of angst over the specifics of the ships and characters i like and pitfalls when engaging with others over them#and.....loneliness. since Ganja stuff is like. ALL i care about in fandom right now. it's isolating in spite of my many Outreach Efforts lo#but the characters...i could never regret or resent my love for them.#orphan hole tag
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beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.
#i have left so many people throughout my life#and#if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no#i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could#without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of#whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no#i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone#but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done#i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme#my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them#i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me#until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me#they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them#since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself#i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself#all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need.#without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it#without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life#i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt.#but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people#i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special#i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending#I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms#an open mind and an open heart#above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul.#everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning#and it’s beautiful.#being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing#alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it#alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.
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My mum on my sister asking to get more piercings: Look at me, I'm perfectly pure. No piercings, no nothing. Hannah's pure, too, Look at h-
Me: Nope. No. Do not lump me in with that, thats gross. Nope.
Her: But you are!-
Me: Noooooope. Nope. Nope.
*she drops it and we all continue talking*
*2 minutes layer*
Her: Can I mention my pure ears again?-
Me: I'm out. *leaves*
#its worth mentioning she had a glass of wine and was trying to conk herself out for sleep#but i do think she woulda thought that anyway. just not said it#yucky#and speaking from personal experience-#there's a lot worse you can do with your teenage years then stick some holes in your body.#as far as i'm concered- do whatever you want as long as its legal and consenual.#if you regret it you'll grow and get over it and be better later on#dye your hair crazy colours. cut it all off. pierce your tongue.#watch r rated movies. masturbate. dress in wierd and wonderful ways. try everything thats different.#figure out what you like and what you want#its worth it to have figured yourself out even if you look back and cringe or wince later.#edit: do whatever you want as long as its legal. consensual. and healthy/safe
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I read Chuggaaconroy’s statement today.
It’s a lot to process, to say the least, but… I think the best way to summarize it is that Emile did indeed fuck up. Multiple times in fact. But it seems like he was kind of a victim in his own right at places.
I don’t know if I’m going to resubscribe to him for the time being, nor do I know if I’ll add TheRunawayGuys back to my fandom list. All I will say that I feel bad for everyone mentioned in the document, as well as Emile himself. Everyone suffered in their own way, and I hope they can all heal and move on.
#Chuggaaconroy#there’s just… so much to process#I don’t really want to post a link to the document here because I don’t know if anyone else has done it yet#Or if anyone will actually want to read it#You can find the link to the statement on Reddit specifically in the TheRunawayGuys subreddit#And the Chuggaaconroy 2 subreddit (which replaced the original r/Chuggaaconroy subreddit when it became an archive)#I regret everything I said about Emile over the course of the year#I never should have said that I hoped he would suffer. Because he did. A lot.#I don’t regret feeling conflicted about all of this though. Turns out some of my suspicions were somewhat accurate.#I’ll stop the tags here before the tag list becomes unbearably long but as one last thing that could be potential funny#I actually had a dream involving Emile the night before today. The night before he made his statement.#And I can’t tell if that dream was a coincidence or an accidental prophesy.
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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