#not a fix it fic

[redlikerozez]

Alone/With You

Summary: Haunted by visions of a traumatic hit-and-run car accident, Shi Qingxuan tries to regain some sort of normalcy in a world with their beloved older brother no longer in it. Best friend Xie Lian and partner He Xuan try to help in the way of distraction and comfort, but lately He Xuan has been disappearing from their bed at night and Xie Lian has classes to attend and can’t be around nearly as much. Left alone in the once-shared apartment, Shi Qingxuan finds themself completely alone for the first time since the accident.

Modern BeefLeaf angst.

Content warnings/tags: Grief/PTSD recovery (early stages), flashbacks, car accident trauma, broken bones, toxic relationships, SQX’s canon gender fluidity, SQX using he/they pronouns, SQX using she/her pronouns, not very explicit sex, brief mentions of past addiction (He Xuan), homophobia/transphobia (slur used - ‘tranny’)

Word Count: 18k

Fic under the cut~

Inspired by this song:

They knew what it was like to be a deer in front of the headlights of an oncoming car, intimately more than they ever wanted to be acquainted with. 

He dreamt about it nearly every night since the accident that shattered his arm and leg and had left him an only child. A hit-and-run on a dimly lit road at night. The person responsible deserved to be the one that was rotting in hell, not his brother.

This was a night like so many others. They had awoken after a troubling fit of sleep sweating and screaming. He pawed at the other side of the bed with his eyes still shut tight, afraid to open them and see any headlights of a car passing by the window.

Cotton sheets. Wrinkled. Cold. 

The realization simmered a boiling betrayal in the pit of their stomach as they opened their eyes in panic.

“…Ming-xiong?” he croaked out into the empty bedroom.

Only the blackness of night and the crickets outside answered him back.

“Ming-xiong?” they called again, louder, this time sitting up.

No reply.

Their partner, who had been sleeping next to them when he fell asleep, was nowhere to be found when they needed him the most. His already bleeding heart felt almost as shattered as the two extremities that were still encased in thick plaster. 

His loved ones had all written notes in permanent marker on his casts. He tried to make out some of the scrawls in the night, hoping to calm his mind and heart. Even tracing the rough texture of the cast over the words was enough to stop his mind from spiraling, if only just for a little bit.

Their best friend, Xie Lian’s note was the longest, most heartfelt and it took up nearly half of the plaster on his wrist. Honestly, it read more like a eulogy than well wishes.

They tried not to think too much about it. It was the sentiment that counted, right?

Hua Cheng, Xie Lian’s devastatingly handsome and similarly devilishly dispositioned fiancée, had scribbled something incoherent next to his lover’s long note. Xie Lian, albeit politely, bullied him into drawing something to make up for the absolutely illegible script, so he took his time doodling a small cartoon fox next to it.

He laughed when he read over Mu Qing and Feng Xin’s notes. He remembered the two had had a rather memorable time trying to one-up each other with their notes and doodles in the ward, much to the hospital’s chagrin.

Regrettably, while he was still under the influence of very strong painkillers in the ward, his brother’s friends that he unlovingly nicknamed ‘the Tumors,’ had managed to convince him in his delirious state to let them sign his casts. Ling Wen and the two Pei brothers wrote out their condolences and signatures in as small a script as possible, knowing they couldn’t push their luck.

He Xuan, his currently absent partner, however, decided that instead of writing a note he would draw all over the empty space in between the notes of their friends. Intricate as possible with a permanent marker on the roughly-textured plaster cast, he scrawled designs of waves and bone fish that mimicked his real tattoos. His drawings weaved through and around the signatures and messages. He had more room to create a bigger bone dragon portrait on the leg cast because most people had opted to sign the arm.

Their fingers traced the expertly drawn lines of their favorite fish and rode over a gentle wave as they tried to memorize the texture of the rough plaster and canvas. 

But everything felt so loud. 

Skidding tires, his brother’s hand slapping against his chest in a feeble attempt at protection, the terrible noise of metal scraping against metal, and shattering glass played on repeat in his head. 

And the headlights. Blinding white LEDs that felt so bright his eyes would surely melt.

Just breathe. In through your nose, hold, out through your mouth, he coached himself. 

“Fish, dragon, Xie Lian’s note, waves, fox, pillow, sheets…” they counted aloud as they touched each respectively, like connecting the dots. He kept going through every item he could reach until his mind quieted down.

Slumping over back onto the pillow, they clutched the sleep shirt tightly into a ball around their heart as the tears began to prickle in the corners of their eyes. He didn’t even know why he was crying. Maybe from exhaustion?

Usually after a nightmare like this, he would be comforted and distracted as much as he needed, but it was becoming an alarmingly and increasingly common situation for Shi Qingxuan having to self-soothe down from the panic and flashbacks.

He Xuan had just disappeared with no warning for the past couple of days while they slept. Their mind was already fragile, and now with the added bonus of their partner gone in the middle of the night, it gave them a whole new fresh set of tumultuous emotions in their clouded and aching heart.

Was he ok? Where did he go? What was he doing? Was he driving? Was he in an accident, too? When would he come back? 

…Would he even come back?

The racing thoughts were out of control.

After an unsuccessful nights sleep that was mostly just silent weeping and aggressively cuddle-choking a surrogate He Xuan (a large stuffed bear He Xuan had given him for Valentine’s Day last year), an alarm forced his eyes open again. Groaning, he turned it off and released his death grip on the innocent bear.

Yeah, there’s no way I’m going to class today… he thought to himself, rubbing the crusty goop out of his swollen, puffy, red eyes. Do I just drop out for the semester and try to repeat it next year…? Fuck, I don’t wanna think about that right now…

He forced himself to get up from under the casket-lid covers, but his whole body just felt like lead. They sat up holding their achy bowling ball head. It wasn’t good to stay in bed all day and wallow in grief, or so the school psychologist and their partner suggested. So he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stumbled over to the bathroom to start putting the plastic protective covers around his casts with the intent to take a shower.

In the early days, their partner had to help them in the shower because they had refused to get out of bed for a long time, but he couldn’t help if he wasn’t here anymore.

Saying it was tedious to learn how to shower with one good hand and one good leg was a gross understatement. Especially when that one had a hair care and skin care routine as intricate as his back before the accident. But he had long since begun slacking on taking care of himself as rigidly as he used to now that He Xuan couldn’t help every time he took a shower. 

It was hard enough to open shampoo bottles in the shower at the best of times. With one hand, it was near impossible, so he learned early on just to leave them open in between showers. And as much as it physically pained him to do so, instead of squirting the contents of the bottles into his hand, he had to pour it directly onto his head and then work the product in his scalp.

Nowadays, their showers mostly just consisted of letting the lava-hot water hit their face or shoulders, and concentrating on the sensations of water hitting skin rather than actually cleaning themself. He could’ve just stayed in the shower all day, letting the water continuously beat into his skin, but he was shocked out of a daze when the water turned to ice.

Slinking on the fluffiest green robe they owned after emerging from the shower mostly clean and wrapping long wavy locks into a hair wrap, they mindlessly and tiredly trudged into the kitchen to start preparing something for breakfast. His eyes, throat, and forehead were hurting from all the crying last night. The shower helped a little bit with the swelling of his eyes, but it didn’t deter the headache or the sore throat.

In the middle of cracking some number of eggs into a bowl, they remembered they needed to take medication. Pouring a glass of water quickly, he rushed as fast as he could on one good leg back into the bathroom to retrieve the litany of pills he was prescribed to take in the morning. Shoving the handful into their mouth and forcefully swallowing with some water, they made a small gagging sound and went to continue with the eggs.

Opening the refrigerator next, they pushed past all the leftovers and home-cooked meals people had brought over the past couple of weeks to grab for other ingredients.

Buttering some bread, he stuck them in the toaster and pushed it down. He started cooking up the eggs on the stove while the toaster worked its magic.

“Oh while, I’m at it…” they whispered to themself, getting another idea, and completely abandoning the eggs in the hot pan.

He went to wash some rice and stick it in the rice cooker so he’d have some ready for later in the day.

Finally returning to the eggs on the stove, he realized it was a little late to scramble them but still tried his best, getting two plates out of the cupboard overhead and pouring some juice into two glasses. 

The toaster dinged as he was nearly finished pouring the second glass, and it startled them greatly, even spilling a little bit on the table in their fright.

“God! Fucking hell!” they cursed at the toaster. “Every fucking time, I swear…”

Rubbing their achy and puffy eyes in annoyance, they divided out the eggs and the toast evenly amongst the two plates, quickly getting a kitchen rag and wiping up the spilled juice before putting the carton back in the refrigerator. 

Finally, setting the finished meal on the breakfast table in the kitchen, he walked into the hallway, calling out into the empty apartment, “Ge, get up. I made bre-”

His voice caught in his throat as he approached the closed door adjacent to his room. 

Without even realizing, he made breakfast for two. 

“Haha…” they started laughing slowly. “Hahahahaha!” 

A trembling hand slapped to his forehead in realization as he continued cackling, shrill and breathy, in the middle of the hallway at the stupid mistake.

“It’s just me now,” he digested, only himself there to hear it.

His gurgling stomach – that was empty save for medication and water – began to ache a little from all the manic cackling. 

Shrugging, they padded off back into the kitchen. He kept trying to force a smile on his face for no one to see. His gaze gradually fell on the table set for two.

“Silly, silly me,” he teased himself, smiling while his throat constricted and hot tears threatened to eke out.

They pushed out the chair and sat down, not taking their eyes off the second plate of food across from him.

After however many days it had been since the accident, this was one thing they just couldn’t get used to. 

They hated eating alone.

He and his brother used to have breakfast together like this every morning. On days Shi Wudu would get up earlier for class or for work, he would cook. Similarly, it was Shi Qingxuan’s turn to cook when they were the one who had to get up early for class. And when He Xuan spent the night, sometimes there’d even be two people sitting with him to converse with.

They didn’t remember the last time they’d eaten alone at this table since before He Xuan had started disappearing at night a couple days ago.

After Shi Qingxuan was finally released from the hospital, He Xuan had stayed over for the first week or two to help, but now he had to come and go. Still, he always tried to make time to come over for meals to keep his partner company. If nothing else, he was there for the free, home-cooked food. But work needed catching up, fish needed feeding and he couldn’t stay indefinitely even if he wanted to. Life had to move on. And god only knows how much he owed Hua Cheng at this point for looking after his fish during those weeks.

Still, it didn’t totally explain the random disappearances, but they’d talk to him later about that.

When He Xuan wasn’t available to come over, their best friend and confidant, Xie Lian, did his best to step in and keep them company. Occasionally, he’d bring his fiancé over too, but Hua Cheng and Shi Qingxuan didn’t really get along. They were a little scared of him, to be honest.

He hadn’t even gotten one forkful into his mouth fully before he felt the first tear slide down his cheek.

I hate eating alone… they thought.

And they were. They were desperately and utterly alone.

“Fuck,” he said simply, still trying to put on a smile though the tears, “I really am rather pathetic without you, Ge, aren’t I?”

The metal fork clattered on the ceramic and he covered his eyes, squeezing his temples hard with a trembling hand.

“You always said I’d never have gotten anywhere without you, Ge,” they croaked through sobs, “and here I am, haha! Just like you said!”

Failing multiple classes, dark circles, no longer perfect complexion, boyfriend missing in action… The list they started in their head could keep going, but they were interrupted.

A soft knock on the door startled them and they shot up as fast as they could, stumbling over to the door frantically.

Why was He Xuan knocking? 

He has a key, doesn’t he?

“Ming-xiong!” they cried, relief washing over them like a hot shower, as they pulled open the door handle. “Where did you-”

Much to the surprise of both parties on either side of the threshold, it was not He Xuan who was on the other side of the door.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t think you’d be up yet, Qingxuan.”

His eye twitched slightly at the familiarity. It was Pei Ming and his little brother. Ling Wen was behind them, too.

The Tumors… or what’s left of them, at least, with Ge gone...

“I told He Xuan we’d be here in the morning with some breakfast and to help clean and-”

“He isn’t here.”

“Yeah, sorta figuring that out,” he said a little sheepishly. “Can we come in? We brought you some food.”

More food. Great, they thought, exasperated at the thought of trying to cram more things into the already stuffed refrigerator. 

Everyone always brought food with them. Even with He Xuan’s notorious appetite, the two of them still hadn’t gotten through the first two weeks’ worth of condolence casseroles and other confections. And that was excluding all of Xie Lian’s cooking that was graciously accepted but had to be thrown out immediately for the sake of anyone who even remotely thought about eating it.

“I heard people usually bring dinner for this sorta thing,” Ling Wen chimed in, a weak smile adorning her usually tired face, “so I thought it would be smart to bring breakfast.”

“Donuts. So you don’t have to cook,” Pei Xiu offered, holding a rectangular white box.

Shi Qingxuan let slip a nervous laugh and a quick word of thanks as they hesitantly opened up the door for the unexpected guests.

“Well, I didn’t know you were coming so I may-or-may-not have just gotten out of the shower and made food, so pardon my appearance, haha,” they explained. “Come, come in. Please, sit down. We can eat it all together.”

“Oh no, we couldn’t possibly-”

“Shh, you quit that! Come sit down, come on,” he insisted, a bright, toothy smile spreading his face as he began shooing them over to the table.

Even eating with the worst sort of company is better than eating alone, right? they thought. 

Pei Xiu set the large box of donuts on the table. Everyone nervously took their seats. Shi Qingxuan sat in his usual place, while Ling Wen was to his right, across was Pei Ming and Pei Xiu was to his left.

“Whoever wants to eat that,” they pointed to the second plate currently in front of Pei Ming, “is welcome to. I accidentally made two plates, haha! Silly me, forgetting I’m all alone now!”

Everyone looked at him with an awkward and pained expression on their faces, but Shi Qingxuan pretended not to notice.

“Come, come, crack it open,” they pressed. “We might as well dig in. I hope you got some sprinkles! I love sprinkles. Oh, did you get any chocolate ones? I’ll save ‘em for Ming-xiong when he comes back.”

“Speaking of… Where is He Xuan anyway?” Pei Ming asked.

“No clue!” He smiled brightly, but his eyes looked dark, betraying the anger he felt.

“Oh.”

Pei Xiu finally pried open the box of donuts and Shi Qingxuan stumbled up to grab the last of the clean plates from the cupboard. Pei Ming offered to help, but Shi Qingxuan just hushed him and insisted he eat what was on the plate he sat in front of.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be using a crutch instead of hobbling around on that?”

“Aiyah, it’s not a big deal. It hurts my shoulder, anyway. And it’s too much work using it just to get around the apartment.”

They set the two plates down rather clumsily in front of Ling Wen and Pei Xiu. No one moved after being given a plate, not even after he shuffled back into place. They all just stared at him, as if waiting for something.

“Well, go on, then,” they insisted again. Still, no one moved. “Ok, fine, if you don’t want the first pick, I’ll choose… hmm… you!”

They pulled out a rather auspicious looking donut with pink icing and rainbow sprinkles. Slapping it onto the plate of eggs and toast, they began eating again.

After seeing him pick up the first donut, the others caved and lifted their choices from the box and onto their plates.

“So…” Pei Ming started, hesitantly taking some of the eggs onto a fork, “how’s your arm and leg doing? Feeling any better? Are they giving ya the good shit?” He winked at Shi Qingxuan, just trying to keep the mood as light as possible.

“Oh, you know it! Only the best for Shi Wudu’s ‘Didi.’ But yeah, can’t complain,” they replied, shrugging their shoulders. “Doesn’t hurt so much as it itches like crazy sometimes, especially my leg. But hey, I’d rather be crippled for a little while than dead, I suppose, haha!”

Pei Ming eked out a nervous laugh. “Yeah. Erm… That’s… certainly one way of looking at it.”

“How long will you be in the cast for?” Ling Wen asked, changing the subject.

“I get the arm one off in three weeks, and the leg one off in… What is it now? A month? Two months? Aiyah, I forget these tedious things! My memory isn’t the best right now,” he replied, waving at them before taking a big forkful of eggs into his mouth. “But fingers crossed for sooner.”

“Oh, that’s good,” she said, nibbling on the edges of a glazed donut.

“And He Xuan didn’t tell you we were coming?” Pei Ming asked after a moment of silence.

“I suppose he didn't have the chance to say anything after running off last night,” they said bitterly. “And he never answers his phone anyway. Why does he even have the damn thing?”

The three exchanged curious glances to each other. 

“Oh, speaking of my stupid boyfriend, are you guys coming to the concert tonight?” they inquired with a bright dazzle in their eyes. “A-Lian’s boytoy is surely going to bring out the best crowd. You’ll definitely have some skirts to chase.” He leaned in towards Pei Ming, raising his eyebrows up and down, insinuating.

“I was thinking about dropping by, yeah,” Pei Ming said with an awkward laugh.

“What about you two? Are you going as well?” 

Ling Wen nodded and Pei Xiu nodded with her.

“We’ll be there,” she promised.

“It’ll be my first time out and about with friends since the accident,” they chirped. “I’m excited to spread my one unbroken wing and party again!” He motioned out a big stretch with the arm that he could still bend.

“Yeah, just make sure to take it easy,” Pei Ming reminded him. “Don’t go pushing yourself further than you can handle. And you better take your crutch, ok?”

“With all that medication you're taking, you probably shouldn’t go too heavy on the drinking like you used to-” Ling Wen started.

“God!” he exclaimed dramatically, slumping his arm back down. “Stop acting like you’re all my brother!” 

The three sitting around him shrunk back in horror. 

“We didn’t mean to-”

Shi Qingxuan just laughed it off. “Haha, jeez. I’m just kidding. So serious!” 

He wasn’t completely kidding, though. The Tumors were being annoyingly fraternal. It’s not like they could replace what was already dead and gone, even if they were close with his late-brother.

“I’m not going to be drinking, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still have fun.” He huffed and crossed his working arm into the casted arm’s crook childishly, and further explained, “Besides, A-Lian’s man-thing is making sure they have mocktails at the bar,” they leaned in close, like sharing a secret, “but between you and me, he’s probably only helping for the sake of his precious Gege. A-Lian doesn’t really drink either, so at least I’ll have a fellow sober buddy, haha.”

“That’s… nice… of Hua Cheng,” Pei Ming said hesitantly, unsure if he should really be praising the man.

The Tumors looked mostly pacified for now, but that didn’t mean Shi Qingxuan wasn’t thinking about having at least one tiny sip of something alcoholic to tide him over if they could sneak away from Xie Lian to do it.

Shi Qingxuan was too busy eating again to make more conversation with the group and the Tumors had no idea what to say to them. Especially after that outburst. Everyone each pecked at their respective plates for several minutes in silence.

Finally, Pei Ming spoke up, “Well, like I said earlier, we didn’t think you’d be up yet. And I don’t want to intrude or anything, but-”

“Do you need help with anything?” Ling Wen cut in. “We can run a load of laundry or help with the dishes or something. Anything you need.”

Ling Wen’s eyes drifted around the apartment, already taking stock of what needed to be done.

“No, everything is fine,” they replied, flashing a quick smile before biting aggressively into the pink sprinkled donut. “I can manage on my own just fine. Plus, I already have help. Ming-xiong helps. And so does A-Lian when he can.”

“Well, since neither of them are here right now, please? We just want to help you in any way we can, Qingxuan,” Pei Ming said, voice heavy and low. 

Shi Qingxuan’s eye twitched again at the unrequited familiarity. 

“I know how hard it must be… We’re all grieving with you. You’re not alone,” Pei Ming added.

“He wasn’t your brother,” Shi Qingxuan felt their lips move before they even realized what came out of their mouth.

Pei Ming looked a little taken aback, and he flashed a glance to his own little brother, but decided to press further. 

“I… I know that. But we wanna do right by him,” he said. “We wanna do right by you, too.”

“You were his friends, not mine,” they hissed, still smiling, but trying to reign in the angry hot tears prickling the corners of their eyes and cracking their voice. “You can't even begin to try to replace him in my life, either. So all this fake-chummy first-name-only ‘Qingxuan’ nonsense stops now. I don’t need your help nor do I want it. So if you’re done eating, you all can leave.”

“Alright, then. That’s fine,” Ling Wen said, cutting in before Pei Ming had the chance to say something he’d regret. “We’ll get out of your hair. I have work to do anyway, so it's perfect timing. Sorry for the trouble. But if you ever need anything, please-”

“I’ll be sure to call,” they responded automatically with a squinty smile. 

Everyone always told him to call if he ever needed anything.

“Right,” she said, getting up from the table and motioning to the boys. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Thank you for the donuts!” Shi Qingxuan called after them happily as the Tumors shuffled hurriedly out of the apartment.

Pei Xiu gave him a quick but sorrowful half-smile glance back before closing the door behind them.

He shoved the remaining half of the donut in his mouth aggressively so he had something to focus on instead of crying. Forcing himself to swallow after not chewing half as much as he needed too, nearly choking briefly, he raced into the bedroom to find his phone.

He Xuan hadn’t called. Hadn’t texted. No indication of where he was or when he’d be back.

Heh, figures… they thought. I’m gonna kill that stupid idiot when I see him. 

Quickly skipping over their brother's name they still hadn’t the heart to delete at the top of the favorites list, they clicked on the third name directly after He Xuan’s. They rolled their eyes thinking about why He Xuan was even on their favorites list if the idiot never even bothered to answer the phone when they called him half the time.

The phone dialed the other number. They put it on speaker and waited to be connected.

“Hey, you there, A-Lian?” he parsed out.

“Hello? Qingxuan? What's wrong? Is everything alright?”

“Not really. I could really use some company right now, A-Lian.” 

He could hear his own voice breaking and forced a deep breath to try and halt the tears again.

“What happened?”

“Ming-xiong is gone again and I accidentally made breakfast for Ge and then the Tumors showed up and I…” he hesitated. His throat was constricting again and his nose started running. “I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Oh my, I see,” Xie Lian replied, heart burning for his friend. “Well, unfortunately, I’m just about to head into class. Oh yeah! I can send you all my notes from everything you’ve missed so far. But we have the concert later tonight, right? Are you still thinking about going or…?”

“Mm. I’m going.”

“Great! I’m so excited. How about I pick you up after classes are done for the day? I can make us some dinner before and then we head over. How does that sound?”

“Make it take-out and I’m sold,” they suggested instantly. “I’ll even pay you back.”

“Pay me back? Not in your wildest dreams are you paying me back. It’s my treat. Other than that, it sounds good to me! So I’ll pick you up outside your apartment, yeah? How does five thirty sound?”

“Er… I can walk, or take the bus or something. It’s no trouble, really, haha…”

There was a moment of silence on the phone. 

“Qingxuan. While I admire your dedicated efforts to conserve precious fossil fuels, you’re not walking to my apartment with a shattered tibia, not to mention the multitude of other broken-”

“I’m not getting into a car.”

Oh, Xie Lian thought. Yeah, of course they’d never want to get into a car again after that accident.

Xie Lian paused before replying softly, “Then I’ll bring take-out to you at five thirty and we can walk to the venue or take the bus together. And if you get tired, I can always carry you!”

“Hahaha! That’s not happening, A-Lian. Plus, your fiancé would probably eat me or skin me alive or something if he found out you carried me somewhere.”

Xie Lian gasped. “San Lang would never!”

“Your ‘San Lang’ would murder half the people that even speak to you without pondering his morality if you didn’t make him mind his temper, A-Lian. But it’s no matter since you’re not gonna carry me! See you at five thirty! Kisses! Bye~”

“You’re bringing your crutch, Shi Qingxuan. So help me, if I find out you haven’t been using it-”

“I can’t hear you! Lalala! I’m already hanging up the phone!”

“Hey-”

They tossed his phone back onto the bed after ending the call with a genuinely happy smile.

The corners of his mouth quickly dropped when his mind shifted instantly to thinking about the four dirty plates currently sitting on the table. Shaking their head furiously and breathing a puff of hot air, they shoved the donut box lid closed and moved it on the counter. He threw the plates haphazardly into the sink and walked away, not wanting to deal with it anymore.

Despite calling Xie Lian and feeling some semblance of emotion other than grief or anger or loneliness for the first time this morning, he was still in the same situation as before: alone in the apartment. 

He’d forgotten Xie Lian would probably be going to class about now. They were both nursing majors in the same year. At least for now, anyway.

Oh, that reminded them. They needed to call their brother’s school about inquiring for a posthumous degree, if the school would even allow it. His brother was in his last year of medical school before the accident. The least they could do was award him his hard-earned degree after all the work he’d put into it.

Shi Qingxuan tried to spend time doing things that kept their mind off of everything that was their mess of a life and apartment. They were so desperate, they even started reading one of the books the school’s psychologist had given them on grief and dealing with loss. But he gave up not even three pages in and threw it aside because it all sounded like flowery nonsense anyway.

Finally, it was time to get ready. Going up to the full length mirror in his room hanging off the closet door, he surveyed himself, scrutinizing every detail from head to toe.

His hair was mostly dry now, so he let it down from the hair burrito it had been in all day. The loose waves fell gently across his back and shoulders. Their face, despite the sleep deprived circles and still-puffy eyes from crying so much, looked pretty today. They’d even managed to clear up a few acne splotches that had cropped up from a couple days of neglecting their skin care routine.

I feel like- No, I am a girl today, she corrected her thoughts, taking stock of her body and mind.

She smiled to herself in the mirror and imagined herself imitating a cute braided hairstyle she’d seen online for the concert. She wanted it to look nice for He Xuan even in spite of how angry she was at him.

Opening up the closet, she pushed back the side of her wardrobe that hung her more masculine-leaning clothes and began browsing through her ever-growing collection of feminine wears.

When she came out to him as gender-fluid, the absolute thrifting god that was Xie Lian had taken her immediately to his favorite places and helped her pick out the cutest clothes that made her feel comfortable. He wasn’t any good at makeup by any means, but he promised if she ever needed someone to practice with or even to practice on, that he would help.

“It feels like a sundress kind of day,” she mumbled to herself mindlessly. 

Minimum effort, maximum pay off. Plus it’ll be nice and lightweight. The concert’s probably gonna be stuffy and hot.

She pulled out a long and flowy green cotton sundress that had a tiny flower pattern running across the fabric. She couldn’t remember if He Xuan had seen her in this one yet, but it was calling her name nonetheless. 

It took some stretching and tugging, but she was able to fit her casted arm that was fixed in a permanently bent position through both her favorite padded bra and then the sundress. She finally felt at home in her own skin for the first time in a while. Wearing robes and sleep clothes almost everyday just to put off having to make decisions like what style to dress in for the day didn’t exactly do great things for her mental health or constantly fluctuating gender identity, but she was too tired to care about it until today.

She nearly forgot how nice it feels to gussy-up every once in a while. She really did feel like a girl.

Hobbling over to the bathroom mirror on the casted leg she still wasn’t supposed to be walking on, she began trying to recreate that braided hairstyle she’d seen earlier, but realized immediately that with only one arm, it would probably be impossible to accomplish. It was a terrible struggle, but she opted for her tried-and-true half-up bun held together with an ornate golden hair pin. Pulling out some stray hairs to frame her face, she began thinking about makeup.

She’d gotten better at eyeliner since her first few attempts years ago on hers and A-Lian’s face. She shuddered at thinking someone actually let her walk outside like that at one point. Of course, her brother probably protested at some point, but she just ignored him then. 

He was never a fan of her painting her nails or wearing makeup, and especially not dressing more feminine. She had always hated it whenever he would try to insist she change clothes before going out or wipe off her makeup. 

As she stared at her collection of mostly drugstore compacts she’d sneakily bought over the years now out and openly displayed on the counter they used to share, she found herself wanting to hear Ge’s fervent and probably negative opinions on her eyeliner or lipstick color again.

Settling for some glittery golden eyeshadow, a thin brown liner, and some light gloss on her lips, she felt better than she’d felt in a long time. 

Maybe even good enough to snap some photos.

Bringing her cell phone out to the closest window for better lighting, she hesitantly opened up the camera and tried a couple of different angles and faces, but none of them really looked perfect. She thought about deleting them, but felt like that was too much effort. Maybe He Xuan would want them later, who knows?

She was in the middle of posing for the last picture before the doorbell rang.

“A-Lian!” she said, hobbling over to the door.

She embraced Xie Lian as soon as she opened the door. Xie Lian eyed her for a split second when he noticed she wasn’t using her crutch, but he didn’t say anything. They exchanged pleasantries and greetings before they both stepped back into the apartment.

He was wearing the same as he always did. He had a high neck whitish-cream sweater and some loose fitting gray pants that cinched at the ankle. His hair was tied back in a loose bun at his neck.

“Wait a second… No! You didn't?!” she gasped, seeing the take-out bag logo. She threw her arms around him again.

Xie Lian was carrying a brown bag full of goodies from their favorite meat bun place in the shopping district close to campus.

He smiled widely after the hug was finished, holding up the bag, and beamed back, “I did!”

“Ugh, you’re too good to me, A-Lian.”

She grabbed the bag with the greedy fingers of her good hand and started hoisting the contents out and onto the breakfast table with much difficulty.

“Here, let me-”

“No, no, I got it!” she assured him. 

There was a close call with one of the squeaky and surprisingly slippery styrofoam take-out boxes, but with the combined help of Xie Lian’s goldy reflexes and her stubborn assertion to not drop anything, she managed to spread everything out on the breakfast table without any casualties.

“Oh, I don’t think I have any clean plates left…” she realized, a finger on her chin as she stared at the mountain of dishes in the sink. 

“One step ahead of you,” Xie Lian beamed, pulling something out of his bag. “I know it’s not the greenest solution, but I read that some people found them helpful in similar situations. And I know how annoying dishes can be. So… paper plates and plastic forks? Is that ok?”

“A-Lian, when I say you’re a prince of a guy… No, nothing I say could do you justice. You’re a lifesaver!”

She started fake sobbing and began unceasingly blessing him and his ancestors and his future marriage and his future children and his future children’s children a thousand times over, much to the complete embarrassment and befuddlement of Xie Lian. He hurriedly ripped open the plastic packaging and handed them each a paper plate to get her to stop.

“Now, then. Let’s dig in!” he presented with much grandeur to try and distract her. “Bon appetit!”

Both started grabbing from the ample offerings before them, adding piles of yummy food to their plates. She even had a chance to bring out the rice she had cooked earlier in the day. 

“So how was class?” Shi Qingxuan asked, taking a huge bite into the first bun. 

She began to wipe the corners of her mouth and was surprised to find it had a sticky texture. Realization dawned on her when she saw the glittery gloss on her fingers and she squinted evilly at the bun for a moment. She had just applied lip gloss and then immediately smeared it off all over the bun.

“Oh, the same as always,” Xie Lian waved off, seeming not to notice her predicament. His eyes brightened for a moment. “Oh yeah! Remind me before I leave that I have a copy of my notebook for you.”

She took out a paper napkin and gave up, wiping off the rest of the gloss before saying, “I’ll try, ahaha. My memory’s kinda jumbled up these days. Maybe you can remind me to remind you?” 

He put a hand over his mouth, like he was horrified of himself. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Don’t even worry about it. I didn’t mean-”

“Relax! Haha, it’s a joke. I’m joking. I can still make jokes, you know?”

“Oh,” he said, laughing nervously. “Well, in any case, how are you, really? You didn’t sound too good earlier today.”

“Yeah, haha, let’s just say today’s been an absolute shitshow!” she chirped, smiling happily as ever. “But now you’re here, and we’re eating good food together. We’re gonna see the concert later, gonna see our boys play on the big stage! It'll be great! Forget about earlier, it’s already finished. Tonight is going to be amazing!”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit.” 

He was trying to sound as enthusiastic as Shi Qingxuan, but he could tell that they probably just didn’t wanna talk about it. Their conversation earlier really worried him. 

He was here for the distraction, though, and that’s what he was going to do!

“By the way, your dress?” he offered. “Stunning!”

Shi Qingxuan waved at him, feigning ignorance. “Oh, this ol’ thing? You like? Yeah, I think I got it with you, actually! Maybe around four months ago at that second-hand shop near campus?”

“Yeah, I remember it well. It has pockets, right?”

“Yes, oh my god, you do remember!”

“And your makeup!! The gold looks really good with the green dress. The hair pin was a nice touch, too.”

“Haha, I’ve gotten better at this sorta thing, don’t you think?” 

“Most definitely!”

“I was going for ‘make my stupid boyfriend fall over while he’s on stage when he looks at me in the crowd,’” she explained dreamily. “So. What do you think? Is it good enough?”

“Mm,” Xie Lian nodded enthusiastically. “His socks are getting knocked clean off, for sure!”

She resisted the urge to make a dirty joke to spare her friend's innocence. 

“Oh, but Ming-xiong is definitely gonna get it when I see that idiot. Leaving me like that in the middle of the night again?!” She sighed angrily and narrowed her eyes, exclaiming resolutely, “He will pay.” She shoved the last bite of the meat bun in her mouth and chewed angrily.

“He just… left?”

“Yeah, no text, no call, no note, no nothing! I’m gonna kill him, I swear!” she raved, mouth still a little full. Balling her working hand into fist, she made some fake swinging motions in the air for effect. “I’ll climb on that stage if I have to and hit him with his own stupid guitar if he doesn’t grovel at my feet the moment he sees me to beg for my forgiveness.”

That doesn’t sound like something He Xuan would ever do… Xie Lian thought to himself.

“He’s not… cheating… is he?” he hissed with a hoarse whisper. He could barely say such a scandalous thing.

She barked out a laugh. 

“He’d be the stupidest idiot in the universe to cheat on me!” she cried. “For real, what’s he got going for him? Personality? Definitely not. He’s an asshole at the best of times. Looks? He scares children just walking down the street. I mean, I think he’s just the cutest thing, but beauty is in the eyeliner of the beholder, that’s what I always say. And don’t even get me started on money. I’m certain the gods are the only ones who know how much debt that idiot is actually in. I’m literally the only thing good in his life besides his stupid fish and maybe that dumb band.”

“Then what could he be disappearing for?”

“I mean, he does work early in the mornings — like stupid early — but he shouldn’t be leaving at like four, right? Surely not for a shift at six thirty just down the street from his apartment?”

Xie Lian shrugged. 

“Well, anyway… Enough about stupid men, present company excluded of course,” she shot him an endearing smile. “How’re you doing? How’s the wedding planning? How’s Prince Not-So-Charming?”

Xie Lian laughed at the nickname. “San Lang’s not that bad, is he?”

Shi Qingxuan shot him a look in between shoving a clump of rice in her mouth.

He laughed nervously. “Well about the wedding planning… It’s certainly something all right. San Lang… he…” He let out a deep sigh and let his voice trail off.

Her ears perked up at the insinuation that there was something wrong in her best friend’s seemingly perfect love life.

“Oh? Is there perhaps trouble in paradise manor?”

“You have to stop calling our apartment that. It sounds like something… untoward… like a strip club or something,” Xie Lian whispered it like it was some horrible sin and waved at her dismissively. “I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid. Can someone be… too accommodating? I never know what he really wants— well, besides whatever I want. He just agrees with everything I suggest. So I started asking him questions, giving him choices… and it’s… really it’s rather frustrating! I asked him the other day just if he wanted a big or a small wedding. A simple this-or-that. And you know what he said to me? He just said, ‘Whatever Gege wants.’ Like? What am I supposed to do with that when we have a whole wedding to plan?”

Shi Qingxuan was trying to hold in a barrage of laughter between her lips. 

“What?”

“Aiyah, you’re too cute, A-Lian, you know that?” she managed to squeak out with difficulty.

“I’m being serious! It’s no help at all!” he insisted, slumping melodramatically in the chair. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do if he says the same thing about flowers or cake or whatever else there is to be done for our wedding. It’s supposed to be a joining of two people in mind, in heart, and in soul. Not one person making all the decisions because his fiancé is so in love, he’s a complete pushover— No, wait! That’s too mean to San Lang, he’s not here to defend himself. I mean, he’s not a complete pushover, just-”

At that, she finally burst the dam, it was too much to hold in.

“We really know how to choose ‘em, don’t we?” she said after the laughter subsided.

They both concluded their partners were hopeless before it was time to head to the concert. Xie Lian made sure to remember to leave the notebook for her on the coffee table. Lip gloss was reapplied and a lone strappy leather sandal was put on her bare foot. 

She was ready!

But Xie Lian wasn’t satisfied. He forced a much-neglected crutch under her arm, not without profuse whining and futile efforts of arguing against him.

“If you really don’t want to use it, I’ll be more than happy to carry you,” Xie Lian threatened with a calm smile on his face. “Your choice!”

With that, Shi Qingxuan shut her mouth and proceeded without further grumbling about using the dreadfully uncomfortable thing. They took off for the live house that was near campus.

The atmosphere changed dramatically once they were outside of the apartment. Shi Qingxuan didn’t realize how terrible walking down the street was going to be. Not even because of the crutch, but because of the sounds.

Cars whooshed by her ears at frightening speeds and the headlights… The headlights were the worst part. Every car was surely headed straight for her on the sidewalk, it seemed.

Xie Lian, noticing her reaction to the traffic, set himself in between her and the road so that she wasn’t walking directly next to the street. It helped a little bit, but she still flinched when she heard the cars coming and held her gaze to the sidewalk below so she couldn’t see the headlights in her eyes.

Luckily, the bus stop wasn’t too far. Xie Lian sat her down on the bench and stood in front of her to effectively block the view of the street while they waited for the bus. He lightly encouraged her to close her eyes and ears, too, if it would help.

Once carefully situated in the priority seats on the bus, Shi Qingxuan grasped onto Xie Lian’s arm for dear life with a white-knuckled grip. Her terrified talons shakily clawed into his arm the whole way, but he made no mention. Her eyes were shut tight and she didn’t utter a single word until Xie Lian softly informed her that they arrived at their stop. With a huge breath out of relief on her part, both hurried off the bus.

The live house, thankfully, was right there, only a couple paces away from the stop. Xie Lian opened the door for her.

“Who are you here for?” asked the woman at the front with a stamp in hand. “Which group?”

“Calamity,” both of them replied at the same time, holding out their hands respectively. They glanced at each other with a smile.

“Oh, perfect timing, then. They’ll be on after this set. Enjoy!”

Both of their hands were stamped with a faded pink logo for the live house and they were handed two drink tickets each.

Xie Lian went to grab both of them some mocktails to drink before their band was set to perform.

Calamity was the name of the band both of their partners were a part of. Hua Cheng was the lead singer and guitarist and He Xuan played the bass guitar. Xie Lian’s cousin was the drummer, but apparently they were trying to find a new one because he didn’t really mesh well with the other strong personalities in the group. Hua Cheng had even told him they only asked him to be a part of the band because he was the only one anyone knew that actually could play the drums. 

They used to have a fourth member who played the keyboard, but he had since left the band after another disagreement that ended badly. Xie Lian had briefly filled in for a couple of practice sessions to help them out, but he decided it wasn’t a good fit with his class schedule.

However, Calamity wasn’t just any regular rock band, according to the members. They had lore apparently, and their most faithful fans kept trying to unravel it.

For instance, instead of their real names, they went by stage names. Hua Cheng was San Lang and He Xuan went by Ming Yi, only Qi Rong, Xie Lian’s cousin, didn’t go by a different name for some reason that was apparently explained in one of their songs if you read between the lines. 

And even with their stage names, they each went by yet another epithet, according to a particular color scheme. Hua Cheng’s stage name is San Lang, yes, but he mostly went by Crimson Rain. He Xuan was Ming Yi, but more often known as Black Water. And Qi Rong was just Qi Rong, or more commonly Green Ghost.

Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan really couldn’t follow their partner’s logic with all this nonsense. There were too many names to keep track of, but they both tried to support their partners and show up to any concerts to cheer them on. 

If anyone ever asked Xie Lian or Shi Qingxuan about the band’s lore, neither of them could tell you concretely what was actually the story Calamity was trying to tell, no matter how many times they had it explained to them. Something-something anarchy, something-something revenge, something-something death?

Xie Lian had even introduced He Xuan to Shi Qingxuan all those years ago as Ming Yi by accident because he literally didn’t know which was his real name and guessed incorrectly. Because of that misunderstanding, she still lovingly referred to her now-partner by the nickname Ming-xiong in honor of that funny mishap.

Xie Lian was just crazy, Shi Qingxuan thought, for calling Hua Cheng ‘San Lang’ for so long, but tried not to question it.

The best part of using a crutch in such a crowded place, Shi Qingxuan found, was that people tended to part ways for her in the crowd. She felt a little like royalty. And really, it did feel a lot better than hobbling around delicately on her leg, though she’d never tell Xie Lian.

The band currently on stage finished their last song and the event staff helped them clear off the stage and started setting up for the next band. Xie Lian made his way through the crowd with two drinks and handed something pink to her.

“What is it?” she asked looking in the glass curiously. 

“Virgin strawberry daiquiri?” Xie Lian said hesitantly. “I just guessed what I thought you might like. I didn’t know what you’d want.”

“That feels homophobic…”

“You’re literally the queerest person I know, Qingxuan. And I am engaged to a man! We’re both literally gay! How on earth is that-”

“I’m just teasing,bA-Lian, it’s perfect, ahaha!” she cut in, squatting him lightly with her hand. She tossed a sip back and made a satisfied groan. “It’s pretty good! Would be better if it was real, of course…”

“Not while you’re still on hydrocodone,” he said seriously. “I mean it, Shi Qingxuan.”

“I know, I know. What did you get?”

He was just about to respond when over the microphone, the event staff announced, “Everyone give it up for Calamity!”

The lights dimmed slightly and the audience broke out in applause and cheers. Xie Lian followed behind as Shi Qingxuan haphazardly pushed her way towards the front of the crowd to get a better spot.

Three silhouettes swaggered out on stage. Each was dressed up head to toe in a suit entirely made of their assigned colors. 

Hua Cheng, the first to emerge, wore a suave smirk on his face. His red ensemble was detailed extensively in crimson lace and he sported a multitude of silver accessories. His red and white electric guitar that had a realistic red eye that he’d painted on it hung loosely around his person, itching to be used.

Qi Rong had an emerald green suit that looked like it was made of glitter and was carrying his drumsticks. He looked like he was ready to smash something with a wild toothy grin. He was soaking up the applause of the crowds, egging them to cheer more.

He Xuan looked like a rather dashing shadow in his slightly too big, pitch black velvet suit as he slinked behind the other two. His softly pointed ears were filled with black and gold piercings and his lobes were currently in the process of being stretched. The stage lighting made him look even more like a walking skeleton than his exaggerated makeup led one to believe. His bass guitar was also entirely black, but he had a litany of stickers decorating the body. He was wearing his hair just the same as always, shiny and long and straight.

She nearly swooned at the sight of him.

How did I fall for an actual eel? she thought randomly. He was built like one, for sure, all slithery, thin, and long with his wide fishy eyes that seemed to glow yellow in certain light.

Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan yelled and whooped, making a crazy racket once they reached the front.

“I love you, San Lang!!” shouted Xie Lian, cupping one of his hands to amplify his voice. 

“WOOO!! LET’S GO, MING-XIONG!!!” Shi Qingxuan screamed out over the crowd as the band started plugging in their instruments. “That’s my boyfriend!!”

He Xuan, upon hearing that familiar grating and shrill voice, found his eyes hurriedly searching through the crowd to find the owner. Sure enough, there she was, waving awkwardly with one good arm after shoving her glass into Xie Lian’s hand and making a terrible scene at the front. He locked eyes with her for a second before looking away and rolling his eyes. But she could see the twinkle in his golden eyes and the slight smirk he was trying to hide. It only encouraged her to shout louder. He just shook his head and tried his best to ignore her.

Hua Cheng, or rather Crimson Rain, was an expert at playing to the audience. He was so charismatic and enchanting to watch and his voice was so delicious to hear, deep and powerful. It was almost crazy to see him like this since he was a walking cactus to literally everyone except Xie Lian in real life. 

Qi Rong and He Xuan were both easily overshadowed in the back behind the main vocalist, but neither of them really cared all that much. The Green Ghost just pounded manically at the drums and Black Water looked almost bored as he plucked away rhythmically at the bass with his painted black nails.

Calamity played a total of five original songs, each named something infinitely more obscure and hard to remember than the last. While the music wasn’t something that she’d listen to on her own, she did enjoy watching them play and found it endearing listening to the reactions of the audience who was absolutely eating them up.

“Thanks everyone for coming out tonight. You were an awesome crowd!” Crimson Rain said at the end of their last song.

The crowd in the live house roared with applause and cheers. 

“Hold on, before we go, Calamity would like to especially thank one person for coming and subsequently dedicate tonight’s set to them. Black Water… would you like to do the honors?”

He Xuan’s fishy eyes turned into saucers at being mentioned to come over to the microphone. This hadn’t been discussed beforehand, it seemed.

Hesitantly, he slithered over, looking like he would rather be set on fire than address the crowd.

“Uh,” he started awkwardly. The crowd was dead silent. “We wanna d-dedicate the show to my… partner. Glad you could make it after… uh, everything.”

His pale face was looking bright red as he stared directly into Shi Qingxuan’s eyes while speaking, but he had a deep frown embedded on his face. He shoved the microphone back into Crimson Rain’s hand.

“Wanna come up on stage, real quick? In the front row, there. Yeah, there they are!”

“What?”

“Yeah! Go up!” someone in the back shouted.

“What? But I didn’t do anything-”

Suddenly the whole crowd was chanting in unison, “Do it! Do it!”

She looked at Xie Lian who shrugged and held out a hand to try and take her drink.

“Only if you want to…” Xie Lian said.

“Ok, ok, I can hop up there but I can’t stand up… probably,” she called out back to the crowd.

She handed her drink and crutch to Xie Lian and threw herself up to sit on the stage. The crowd whooped and cheered for her.

She would’ve been embarrassed if it weren’t for the stage lights shining directly in her eyes. No, instead, she was instantly transported back in time. 

Like a deer in headlights.

She was effectively frozen, sitting there on stage with terrified eyes staring directly into the lights of oncoming traffic.

“Could we get a round of applause for Black Water’s partner, everyone? Thanks for making your way out tonight, we really appreciate it. And thank you, thank you, that's really generous of you guys! You’re an amazing crowd. And don’t forget, we are Calamity!” Crimson Rain said, effectively ending the set after the strange encore.

She heard someone call her name, but she couldn’t figure out if it was her brother in her memories or someone in the live house. The whole world spun around her and she was having trouble separating reality from nightmare. 

A seat belt tightened around her neck and bruised into her shoulder. Was she even breathing? She couldn’t remember how to breathe. 

And then there were hands on her shoulders, calling her name. Maybe the EMTs and firefighters were coming to pry her out of the mangled car. Wait, no, it sounded like a familiar voice.

“Shi Qingxuan!”

It was Xie Lian, gently shaking her shoulders. She looked at his face.

“Hmm?”

“What’s the matter? What’s wrong?” he asked, holding her shoulders with a worried look on his face.

“What? No, nothing’s…” her voice trailed off. Her gaze kept getting drawn magnetically to that bright light.

He helped her down off the stage as the house lights turned on. Her feet didn’t feel right and the world still felt like she was stuck inside a washing machine. Effectively collapsing into Xie Lian’s arms when he had tried to right her on her feet with the crutch, she felt the taste of bile creep its way into the back of her throat. Swallowing hard and trying to steady herself, her desperately dizzy eyes searched for Xie Lian’s face.

“Where’s Ming-xiong?”

“What?”

“Wh-where’s Ming-xiong?” she repeated, forcing another swallow.

“I don’t know. Probably in the back or something. Why? Do you want me to get him?”

“Yeah,” she said weakly. “I need him.”

“Hold on,” he said, frantically searching the crowd for someone. “You stay right here. Don’t move.”

“Mm.”

Xie Lian rushed past her ears. Or maybe it was a car? She could barely tell the difference with how fuzzy and splotchy her vision seemed after staring into those headlights for so long.

Two blobs appeared in front of her.

“You two, don’t let her out of your sight, ok?” It was Xie Lian’s voice.

“Why?” Was that Mu Qing?

“Just do it, please?”

“Fine, whatever.”

A white shadow sped away.

“That was quite a show, wasn’t it?” This blurry figure sounded like Feng Xin.

“Yeah… Quite a show,” she mumbled.

“And that bit at the end with you. That’s nice of them.”

“Yeah, that was unexpected,” Mu Qing added.

“Nice… Unexpected…” she repeated, gazing at nothing past them. “Hey, are you drinking something?”

“Yeah, it’s just a beer-”

She was already grabbing it out of Feng Xin’s hand before he could say anything.

“Hey! What the fuck are you doing?! That’s my fucking-!”

It was too late. After practically inhaling the last half of his drink, she shoved it back in his hands. Mu Qing laughed at him.

“W-where’d Ming-xiong go?” she asked them, still not having looked at either one of their faces.

“I don’t fucking know.” Feng Xin was staring angrily at his now empty glass, seething in rage.

“How’re you doing after the whole… thing?” Mu Qing asked, trying to ignore Feng Xin.

“Yeah, no, I’m great. Do you know where Ming-xiong is?”

“I don’t know where the bands go after the set is over. Maybe some kind of green room?”

“I need him.”

“He’ll come out soon with the rest of ‘em,” Mu Qing said. “Just be patient.”

“Why’d you fucking take my drink?!” Feng Xin screamed at her.

Terrified eyes locked onto furious ones.

“Y-you can have my, my other ticket,” she croaked out, fumbling the extra ticket out of her pocket.

He snatched it out of her hand instantly and she flinched back. Feng Xin’s eyes softened slightly as he finally looked past his fury and at her shaking form.

“Where’s Ming-xiong?”

“Hey, it’s ok, really. Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Are you ok?” Mu Qing asked before turning it on Feng Xin. “Why the hell? Why did you yell at them like that?” He jabbed the other in the ribs.

“I didn’t know they’d react like that! And to be fair, she did fuckin-”

“No, no, I’m ok. I just need Ming-xiong. Do you know where he is?”

“We already said we don’t know,” Mu Qing rolled his eyes. “God, is that all you know how to say?”

“Hey, quit it. Can’t you see something’s up, you idiot?”

“I think I’m gonna go look for Mi-”

She took an exceptionally shaky step forward and felt her world spin so violently it was all she could do to hold on to her crutch. 

People hovered over her, but she couldn’t figure out how she ended up on the ground. Was this the ambulance?

No, someone was calling her…

“Bao?”

Her heart soared at the sound of his voice.

Her eyes finally focused on his face above hers. His round eyes were wide and his brows were thick with worry.

“I’m here, bao.”

“Ming-xiong?” she asked, still not totally sure if she was hallucinating this. She reached out with her hand to touch his face. His skin was cold and wet with sweat. “I found you, haha,” she laughed weakly.

He snorted a laugh and smirked, “Who’re you, again?”

Looking into his stupid face she burst into tears.

“Hey, stop crying. It’s ok,” he tried to calm her down, pulling her into an embrace.

Maybe not the best time to joke… he thought.

“Can we go?” she sobbed, rubbing wet mascara all across his freshly changed T-shirt.

“Mm?”

“I want to go,” she whimpered directly into his chest. “I wanna leave. I want to leave now.”

“Mm,” he sounded into her ear, stroking her hair soothingly. “I’ll take you back.”

“No, no,” she shook her head violently. “I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to feel lonely in that place. It’s just so suffocating being there without him.”

“Then my apartment,” he pivoted. 

When she didn’t reply immediately, he tried again. 

“Bao? My place, ok?” 

He lifted her cheek playfully with his finger to get her attention.

She wriggled out of his hold and nodded wordlessly into his chest, overwhelmed by all the static surrounding them. Nuzzling her face all around childishly, she heaved another sob into the shirt.

“Ok, time to get up,” he coaxed.

He helped heave her up on her feet from her underarms and picked up the fallen crutch, positioning it under her arm for support. 

A small crowd had gathered around where she had fallen. He hissed them away and hurried to escort her out the door of the live house. Before leaving, he quickly asked Xie Lian to get Hua Cheng to grab his stuff he’d abandoned in the green room.

She was way too wobbly on her feet to get anywhere fast and he knew she’d absolutely refuse an uber in her current state, so he just wordlessly scooped her up in his arms, bridal style. And the weird thing was she didn’t even protest. She just curled in on his chest again to block out any light.

“Hey, talk to me,” he said, slightly worried that she wasn’t saying anything for the first time in her life.

“No.”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“Ming-xiong.”

“Fine.”

They walked in silence for a few steps.

“Ming-xiong.”

“Mm?”

“I need you to distract me. I don’t wanna feel alone.”

“Mm…” he sounded, trying to think of something to say.

“Now, please.”

“Ok, uh,” he tried. “The concert, yeah. It was good. I… Er… I had fun.” 

“...Ok. And?”

“Y-you, um, you look nice today,” he replied nervously. He wasn’t used to being put on the spot like this. “The dress. It’s nice. Green. And the flowers… I.. I, erm, I like it. Uh…”

“Have you ever spoken to a human being before, idiot?” she whined. “Do I have to do everything? My god, Ming-xiong.”

“I could drop you.”

“You won’t.”

“I will.”

“No you won’t.”

“I’ll do it.”

His grip didn’t falter for a second.

“Coward,” she said, finally cracking a smile up at him.

“There. Done.”

She quirked her brows together in confusion. “What do you mean, ‘done’?”

“I did it. I distracted you.”

“I’d hardly call one smile a distraction,” she breathed a laugh.

“Another.”

“You’re the worst boyfriend ever.”

“I’m not your boyfriend.”

“Shut up, you love me.”

“I don't.”

She rolled her eyes, smiling up at him, more charmed than annoyed at his futile resistance. The red color blooming all over his pale scowling face said otherwise.

“Are you better now? Can you walk by yourself? You’re heavy.”

She gasped and tried to struggle out of his grip.

“Listen here, mister,” she spat, jabbing an accusing finger into his chest, “I don’t think it’s very polite to call your beautiful and lovely partner heavy!”

“Beautiful and lovely?” he asked, baffled. “I don’t have a partner like that.”

“You’re literally impossible. I hate you so much,” she breathed, absolutely exasperated.

But it was working. He was a great distraction, even if his methods were… unorthodox to say the least. They continued bickering back and forth until they finally reached the doorstep of his apartment. 

He set her down on the couch carefully and placed the crutch she’d been carrying in her hand so that it rested against the back of the couch.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“What for?”

“Carrying me all the way back here.”

He just waved at her, like it was not a big deal. But how could it not be? He was a skinny, long thing. She studied his pale tattooed body carefully under that giant black T-shirt he had changed into. It was crazy to think he had such strength hidden somewhere on his coat-rack figure. 

Now she actually took a good look at him for the first time today up close. His roughly smudged eyeliner was making his eyes look even bigger and fishier than usual and she laughed at him.

“What?”

“You’re cute.”

“Shut up.”

“I mean it!”

He rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen. “You hungry?”

She shook her head, “Not right now.”

“I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving.”

“What do you want?”

“I said I’m not hungry.”

He paused at the refrigerator door and looked back at her seriously, “If I make something and you start eating it, I will take a bite out of you instead as payback.”

“Is that a promise?” she asked, winking suggestively.

He rolled his eyes again and turned back to the refrigerator before fishing something out of a cabinet to start cooking.

She took a look around his familiar apartment. Four impressively simple black urns dominated the mantelpiece and she bowed instinctively upon making eye contact with them. The old family photo in a small frame next to urns was the only one he had with everyone in it. It was a picture of him and his late-fiancée standing in between his late-parents and late-sister at his engagement party.

She hobbled up to take a closer look at the photo. He was smiling, big eyes still full of life and happiness. She didn’t know all the details of what happened to them since he didn’t like to talk about it very much, but she did know that they all died in rapid succession after each other. 

She also knew that he didn’t handle their deaths very well. He had spent a year in prison and subsequently a couple rehab facilities. 

He looked so different now. But then again, if she looked at a picture of herself all those years ago, she probably wouldn’t recognize herself either.

She shook her head, trying to get her mind off of those who were departed and decided to hobble over to his biggest fish tank to greet all her little friends. He had a long twenty gallon tank stocked with a couple variants of fish on a low bookshelf next to the mantle. She knew some of their names, more specifically only the ones with especially striking colors or stripes. There were too many to remember, even if he could somehow recognize each of them, or at least make her believe he could. 

The tank was decorated with a dark blueish-black substrate and he kept live plants growing inside. There were a couple silly decorations at the bottom that made it look like a shipwreck.

In this tank, he had a small group of half-purple and half-black guppies along with a bristlenose pleco that was currently sucking on the side of the tank. He kept a good number of neon tetras and some java rice fish to school around happily. The biggest fish, the one he commonly referred to as his “centerpiece fish” was a type of dwarf cichlid he had to keep reminding her was called apistogramma panduro.

All of the fish he got were mostly rescue-projects from pet stores that didn’t know how to properly take care of them. Sometimes he rehabilitated them in an isolated quarantine tank and when they were better, he’d add them to an existing tank if possible or end up setting up a new one. Other times he’d give them to his other aquarist acquaintances since he was running out of tank space in his cramped apartment. All in all, he had about thirteen tanks scattered around on various surfaces, so no matter where she went in his apartment, it always sounded like bubbles!

“Hey there, Tuna Piano. Oh and there’s little Sushi,” she called out in a baby voice as she wiggled a finger to wave to each little friend she noticed respectively. “Hi, Chowder! Lookin’ good today, Tartar Sauce.” She scrunched her eyes for a second, searching all around. She couldn’t find one of her friends. “Hey, where’s Magikarp? I don’t see him.”

“Fin rot. Treating him in a quarantine tank in the bathroom.”

“Ah, poor little dude.”

“He’ll be fine.”

The stove clicked on. 

“What’re you making?”

“Well, there’s nothing in the fridge. All I have left is pasta. Need to go shopping.”

She nodded and sat back on the couch and he started boiling some water. He came back over to sit next to her on the couch. Wrapping an arm around her, he awkwardly pulled her closer and she smiled up at him.

“So forward! At least take me to dinner before making a move.”

He scrunched up his face and narrowed his eyes, “I only made enough pasta for me. You said you weren’t hungry.”

She rolled her eyes, still smiling up at him. “You know that’s not what I meant, stupid.”

“Tell me what happened.”

She looked away, her smile vanishing from her face instantly. He really was so bold and clipped in speech. Just straight to the point. And she wasn’t ready to think about the concert just yet.

“I’m sorry,” he offered, seeing her eyebrows coated in distress.

She pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at him.

“…What are you sorry for?” 

She hoped he was about to apologize for running off last night.

“You didn’t like the dedication. It was my idea. I didn’t think he’d pull you on stage. I should’ve said something-”

“No, it’s not that,” she promised. “That was sweet. Really. It… it wasn’t that.”

“Tell me.”

“I saw… It was the lights and I thought-” her voice caught in her throat and she shivered just thinking about it. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

He was slinging together a string of curses in his head for not realizing sooner.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like you were the one that did it,” she said. “You don’t need to be sorry. It just happens. Unexpected things happen.”

He kissed her temple and squeezed her arm a little harder for a second.

“I missed you,” she said softly, melting into his side-embrace.

“Mm?”

“You left. Last night. I had a nightmare. You weren’t there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Where did you go? You left the other day, too.”

“I have work in the morning.”

“I woke up at like four. There’s no way you left that early for work,” she said, switching positions so that she was facing him now. “Where did you go?”

“Out.”

“Ok, why did you go out?” she pressed.

“Just ‘cuz.”

“Ming-xiong, it really messed me up to wake up and not find you there,” she said calmly. “I needed you.”

He got up from the couch. She made a noise of annoyance and hobbled after him. 

“You’re running away?”

“I’m checking the pasta, relax.”

“You’re a terrible liar. I can see right through you.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah? Why did I leave, then?”

She knew if she started talking that she’d start crying and she really didn’t feel like crying for the millionth time today. 

“Whatever,” she huffed again, turning around.

“Tell me.” 

She shook her head. 

“Tell me,” he pressed again, harder.

“You’re tired of me,” she answered finally after a hasty breath. “I’m too broken right now and you’re tired of taking care of me and constantly picking up the pieces, so you escaped. It’s fine. I get it. I’m a lot. And I’m even worse now with… everything that happened… So yeah, I get it. But I just– Oh, well, here come the tears, haha!

“It's just.. I just feel so hopelessly lonely, like all the time. My heart literally feels like someone is squeezing it every hour of the day. Like my whole existence is tied to the complete absence of his. The flashbacks and nightmares are whatever. I can sorta deal with them most of the time. 

“But when I realized you weren’t there, it felt like I was losing you too. It just felt like you didn’t love me anymore. And I really don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m here.”

“But you weren’t there. And I didn’t know where you were or what you were doing or… or if you were dead, too.”

He dry-swallowed. “I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t need you to keep apologizing. I need you to be there with me. I need to know I’m not gonna lose you.”

The pot on the stove started boiling over and He Xuan turned around to save the pasta. She stood awkwardly behind him, staring at his blurry form through tears and awkwardly waiting for him to be finished. He dumped it out into a colander in the sink and turned back around to face her.

He sighed, staring at her intensely and mumbled, “I’m not tired of you.”

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“You’re not gonna leave me?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then why did you leave?”

He didn’t reply. He stared at her with his big dopey eyes, searching for the right words.

“Are you cheating on me?”

He laughed and answered immediately, “No.”

“Then what is it? Why? You can’t tell me?”

“I…”

“...You?”

“I-I’m not gonna leave again.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I won’t leave,” he promised, gaze hardening. 

“Prove it.” 

He gave her a confused look. 

“Fuck me.”

He laughed at her.

“I’m serious. I want you to fuck me,” she said resolutely. “If you still love me.”

He looked taken aback, his eyes being the only thing that gave away his bewilderment on his otherwise expressionless face.

They hadn’t been intimate like that with each other since before the accident.

“I just… I need you to fuck me so hard I don’t have to think. Please. I don’t care if it hurts. I don’t care. Just anything is better than this gaping emptiness I feel in my chest. I don’t want to feel anything and I don’t wanna think about anything. I just want you. I need you, please. I need to know you still love me. That you don’t wanna leave me.”

She tugged at his still-damp T-shirt helplessly.

“You… still want me?” he asked in a small voice.

She nodded. “Make me feel whole again. Make me believe you still wanna be with me.”

He stared at her, an unreadable expression in his eyes and she huffed at him impatiently.

“If you’re not inside me or taking my clothes off to get inside me in the next three seconds-”

He Xuan instantly descended upon his prey, kissing her so forcefully it took both of their breaths away. She groaned in delight against his mouth.

If this is what bao needed, it was what bao was gonna get.

He broke away from the kiss to ask, “Remember the safe word?”

“It hasn't been that long, you dummy,” she replied, poking his nose playfully. “Of course I remember it.”

“Your memory is shit right now. And it’s been… a while,” he retorted in between more kisses. “More than a month.”

“Oh,” she smirked, feeling flattered he had been counting. “Did my Ming-xiong miss me?”

“No.”

She just rolled her eyes at him as she cupped his face with her hand and went in for another kiss.

His icy facade finally cracked. He was grinning like a lovesick idiot in between kisses as he started fumbling around at the hem of her dress to begin lifting it up, exposing creamy skin to his hungry eyes. Pulling away to admire her body, he concluded that could drink in her skin all day and never be sated. He was extra careful around her casted arm when he freed the dress from her figure and discarded it on the floor without another thought. 

She bit her lip in anticipation. His hands flocked immediately to her chest where he began similarly lifting up the edge of her padded bra. This garment was much trickier to remove with her casted arm since it was tighter, but they worked it out together and she was free.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he growled into her mouth as he pulled her into another bruising kiss.

He dragged down the lacy edges of her underwear. She hadn’t bothered to tuck today and he was thankful. It was less work for him to undo. He was careful to help her step out of the pair with her casted leg. 

He trailed a multitude of wet kisses from her sternum to her neck and up to her ear until he chomped down on her earlobe. A disgusting groan of delight left his mouth at the noises she made. 

And when he remembered he had a free hand, he beelined for one of his favorite parts. He pawed gratuitously at her ass, squishing and churning the plump flesh around as he sucked and nibbled all over the delicate and sensitive skin on her neck.

“Get on your knees,” he whispered in her ear.

She almost did it, too, body automatically ready to comply to any of his whims, but quickly remembered her leg cast. She burst out laughing and tutted at him. 

“You know, I’d really love to do that,” she breathed in between laughs. “God, you’re such an idiot. The biggest one I know. Whose memory is shit now, huh?” She pointed dramatically down to her leg. “Let’s take a moment and remember that my leg is currently encased in approximately two centimeters thick plaster!”

“Fine. Then get on the bed.”

He didn’t hesitate to just hurl her over his head with unfounded strength in a fireman’s carry and saunter into his bedroom. She giggled in delight, kicking her legs in the air excitedly at his rough treatment. It was exactly what she’d asked for and it was working marvelously to distract her.

He was careful to make sure her limbs didn’t hit the doorframe and then he practically threw her onto the bed to go in for the kill. Attacking her like a hungry piranha, all teeth, he couldn’t seem to get enough of her exposed flesh. He’d been dreaming of having her again like this for a while. Only breaking away briefly to toss away his clothes somewhere on the floor of his room, he continued his assault like a starved man.

They were a tangle of limbs and hot breaths together while they battled in each other's mouths for dominance before he crawled his way up.

He made true to her wishes, fucking desperately into her mouth until she had to tap out only because he forgot that humans needed oxygen. He chomped whispers of apologies into her skin. Then he focused his efforts abusing relentlessly into her tight heat without so much a finger for preparation, all while biting anything he could sink his teeth into.

Sex was the only time when He Xuan could effectively stop Shi Qingxuan from talking for an extended period of time. It was his personal mission every time to fuck her so silly, the only noises she could make were whimpers and screams and moans rather than coherent words. And consequently, it was the only time he ever spoke so much, making demands and slinging the filthiest sweet nothings her way.

She could only feel him. His cock, his lips, his teeth, his skin, his sweat. She could only sense him. Only his deep, gruff voice occupied her rapidly blanking mind as he ripped merciless insults her way and candied vague promises into her ears. Nothing else existed in her world except for him.

He was gentle only with her casted limbs, careful not to actually hurt her while he pounded ruthlessly into the mattress in positions that would be comfortable for her.

He licked up anything that he could see from her release and shoved his tongue in her mouth so she could taste it too. 

When he finally came crashing down from his high after spilling inside her haphazardly stretched and bloody hole, they both lay next to each other drawing in hot breaths of air from the intensity of their activities.

After his breathing stabilized, he sat up to go grab a wet towel to start cleaning her up, but she grabbed his arm.

“Don’t leave,” she croaked at him, coughing a tad. “You’re not allowed to leave.”

“Mm?”

“You’re gonna stay here with me forever, ok?”

He turned to her, brushing a few stray hairs sticking to her sweaty forehead. “I was gonna clean you up.”

“We can just shower later,” she dismissed. “Just lay back down with me for now.”

She tugged and pulled at his hand, but he stayed sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Ming-xiong, please. Don’t leave me.”

“I’m here.”

She forced her still-shaking muscles to sit up and wrap her arms around his neck from behind. She found her fingers tracing over the outlines of his bones and inks of his tattoos.

“You can’t leave me ever again, yeah? Just come cuddle with me for a while. We’ll get clean later, ok?”

“Mm.”

Finally giving in, he laid back down next to her and she snuggled up close so he could wrap his arms around her, but he made no motions.

“Jeez, are you gonna hug me or not?” she called out, annoyed after he hadn’t moved. 

“Mm.”

He wrapped an arm around her nonchalantly.

“Ming-xiong?”

“Mm?”

“Is something wrong?”

He didn’t reply.

She leaned up on her good arm and looked into his face. He closed his eyes instantly and turned his head to nuzzle into the crook of her elbow.

“Ming-xiong, look at me?” she asked lightly. “What’s wrong? Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something…?”

He shook his head into her elbow.

“I don’t understand. Use your words.”

He shook his head again. She huffed and furrowed her brows at his strange antics.

“Shouldn’t you want to spoon me after sex? Why am I having to ask for these simple pleasures? You’re so eager to fuck me but cuddling? Oh no! That’s where you’re drawing the line? You’re a terrible boyfriend, you know that?”

He snorted. “I’m not your boyfriend.”

“Oh, wait! I know! You wanna be the little spoon this time, is that it? Well, come on over here! You know I love treating you like a widdle pwincess!”

He pulled his head out of her elbow, finally having enough. “You should go.”

She barked a laugh, thinking he was joking. “Go? Go where?”

“Go back to your apartment. If I’m such a terrible boyfriend.”

“I was only kidding, you know that, dummy.”

“Leave.”

“Stop saying that. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m serious.”

Her heart stopped. “What?”

“I… I have work in the morning.”

“No. What? No! I’m not leaving. What are you even saying right now?”

He shook his head again and sat up in bed. “I think you should go,” he repeated simply.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not leaving. I don’t understand what’s happening right now. You’re not making any sense, Ming-xiong. One second you’re promising that you’re not gonna leave me and that you’re right here and now you’re… you’re kicking me out?”

He opened his mouth, but no words came from his throat. He closed his mouth again and looked away, resigned in defeat. 

“Ming-xiong, you’re gonna explain yourself right now and it better be the best goddamn explanation I’ve ever heard.”

He moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, as far as possible away from her, and didn’t say anything for a moment.

“You better start talking-”

“Then shut up. Listen to me. I’ll tell you.”

She sat up to full attention in bed, feeling the atmosphere of the room change dramatically as she waited for him to start with dreadful anticipation.

“My car is in the shop,” he began. “I never told you why.”

She nodded, bidding him to continue. 

“I was in an accident,” he said simply. 

“Oh my god,” she gasped. She rushed over to his side at once, grabbing one limb after the other, inspecting him for injuries but found none. “What happened? Are you ok?”

He shook her off. “I’m fine.”

“What happened?”

“It only felt like a nudge, so I didn’t think it was serious,” he continued, emotionless as ever. “I didn’t wanna get in trouble again. They’d figure out I had priors and make assumptions even though I’m three years clean. I couldn’t go back there. So I left.”

She sucked in a breath. Saucer-wide eyes bored unblinkingly in the back of his head.

“Ming-xiong, you didn’t…” she couldn’t bring herself to even finish that sentence. “After my…? You… You just left?”

“I left,” he repeated calmly. “I pulled over and inspected the damage. I started hearing sirens so I kept driving. To get away.

“But when the fire trucks and the ambulances started whirling past, I knew I fucked up. 

“I didn’t come over to your place that night even though we had plans. You didn’t try calling me either, so I just figured you were pissed off. 

“But I picked up the phone when Crimson Rain called me like ten times in a row. It was Xie Lian’s voice. He said you’d been in a bad accident and that your brother was gone. The timing was a little convenient, wasn’t it? I should’ve figured it out sooner.”

“Ming-xiong.”

“You never told me where it happened. I found it on the paperwork from the police report the other night. And I pieced it together.”

“Ming-xiong this isn’t funny,” her voice was little more than a whisper.

“I’m not joking,” he said plainly. “It made sense with the timing and the location of where I took off from that night. I’m just glad you’re ok. Glad I didn’t…” 

His voice trailed off and he kissed the cast on her leg, stroking it gently with his pale thumb.

“I left last night and the other night because I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to avoid you,” he admitted, finally looking into her eyes. “But I’m glad that fucker is dead. And I’m glad it was me that offed that sonofabitch not some other faceless, empty villain that haunts you forever.”

Her mind went blank for a moment, not fully processing what came out of his mouth. He was joking, right? He had to be joking. There was no way he could say something so terrible.

In all the scenarios her mind conjured up at night, it was never so bold as to imagine him in the driver's seat. 

No, she must’ve heard him wrong. There was no way he had just said anything close to what her brain surely misheard.

And sure, she knew that He Xuan and her brother didn’t really get along… Shi Wudu was always complaining about him to her and making snide remarks in his presence, but there was no way it was anything beyond just an older brother disliking the mean, tattooed goth boy that his little sibling was dating, right? 

“What did you just say?”

He said something, but she didn’t really hear it. Her body reacted instead. 

She felt like something had physically knocked the wind out of her lungs. Bile started rising in the back of her throat at the realization that he wasn’t kidding.

Tears streamed endlessly, but silently out of her shattered eyes. She felt like she’d just gotten hit by a car again. Or maybe a bus. Or maybe train. Or maybe several trains in a row.

I’m a deer in headlights…

The headlights… She could see the headlights. And now it was his face in the oncoming driver's seat. 

The skidding of the tires played like a scratched record over and over.

“I think I’m gonna throw up…”

“There’s things you don’t know, bao. Things not even I am willing to tell you about him. About what that fucker did to me and my family before I even knew you. Things he didn’t know I knew about him and what he did,” he hissed. “The things he said to me when you weren’t around… Not to mention the shit I heard him say about you. He never once saw you for the real you, you know that? And he constantly was trying to turn you against me, thinking I wasn’t good enough for you or poisoning your mind or body for supporting you or some other bullshit excuse. Good fucking riddance. Now I can have you all to myself. You’re mine now. All mine.”

He started to reach for her to embrace, but she scooted away into the corner to escape. She let out a crazed and shrill half-laugh, half-scream at his words.

“What the fuck makes you think I want anything to do with you after whatever the fuck you just told me?”

“Bao,” he crooned softly, eyes sparkling with love while the rest of his face sat motionless, “we are so much better off now that he’s gone.”

She moved to slap him, but he caught her hand calmly.

“Let me go.”

“No,” he said, grasping tighter, but not enough to hurt. Never enough to hurt — or so she had thought up until his confession. “You said you never wanted me to leave you, right?”

“Let go of me, He Xuan.”

She never used his real name. He Xuan’s eye twitched at hearing it.

“Why’re you calling me that? I’m your Ming-xiong, remember?”

He Xuan was the name of the ex-con, former addict whose whole family was dead. Ming-xiong was the stupid nickname his partner had given him, and they didn’t care about all that noise from his old self. 

She tried to struggle out of his grasp, not saying anything else.

“You know what he said to me one day? He said: ‘Maybe you do deserve each other after all. What more could a worthless addict like you hope to bed in life than a disgusting tranny whore like my brother?’”

“…What? I don’t… I can’t… He Xuan, let me go!”

“No. I’m never letting you go. He can’t hurt us. It’s ok.”

He pulled her into a firm embrace that trapped her casted arm against his chest. She pounded on his back, on his head, on his chest, fruitlessly trying to wriggle out of his grasp, but she couldn’t find the strength needed to overpower him with just the one good arm.

“Please, He Xuan, let me go!”

“No. Stop calling me that.”

He only embraced her tighter, crushing her casted arm in between their bodies.

“Fuck, ow, that hurts! He Xuan let go!” she screamed. “You’re hurting me! My arm-”

He jolted back in realization that he was actually hurting her and she leapt off the bed with her newfound freedom. As quickly as she could, she hobbled out of his room, feeling some sticky liquids dripping down her legs but she couldn’t dare think about it yet. 

All her mind was telling her to do was get the fuck out of that apartment. 

She snatched her phone from the couch and the wrinkled sundress from the floor, quickly pulling it over her head as she raced to the front door of his apartment. She threw the door open with little remorse for the hinges.

He padded after her instantly, tripping slightly as he pulled on pants to cover his modesty as he followed her out into the hallway.

“You better go back in your fucking apartment right now and not follow me like a fucking stalker!” she yelled.

She was already tapping the contact to dial Xie Lian’s number. The phone picked up instantly.

“Twice in one day! What’s up, Qingxuan? I must be the luckiest-”

“Hi, sorry about this, but I need your help. I need you to come pick me up. Like right now. I don’t care if it’s in a car. I don’t care if you carry me. I don’t even care if you have to send Hua Cheng to do it, but I need someone to pick me up right now.”

The urgency in her voice was all Xie Lian needed to know that this wasn’t a joke.

“What? Where are you? What happened? Is He Xuan there?”

“I’ll send you my live location, but I’m certainly not staying here with him,” she chuckled darkly. 

She put it on speaker for a moment to send the text relaying her live location for the next hour. 

“If I’m dead by the time you get here, it was He Xuan.”

“Don’t joke like that, Shi Qingxuan. It’s not funny.”

“It’s not a joke. I’m serious. If I’m dead by the time you get here, it was He Xuan,” she repeated. 

Xie Lian heard some muffled shouting over the phone.

“He Xuan, I’m serious, if you don’t stop following me right now I will call the police! Or, better yet, just fucking kill me and get it over with! Finish the job, why don’t you?!” she screamed. 

“No.”

“Xie Lian, I’m so sorry, can you stay on the phone with me until you get here? He’s fucking crazy-”

Xie Lian was so speechless, he had no idea what to say. He just gave a “Mm,” back into the phone and started for the door in his apartment. “I’m bringing San Lang.”

“Gege? Are we going somewhere?” Hua Cheng asked, ears perking up from the other room.

He moved the phone away from his mouth and said, “Something’s wrong. Shi Qingxuan needs help right now. Can you grab the keys?”

He groaned. “Can’t He Xuan deal with it?”

“San Lang, please get the keys,” he replied as patiently as possible. “This is serious.”

Hua Cheng was already moving towards the door with the keys in hand by the end of the sentence.

Xie Lian put the phone back in range of his mouth, “We’re on the way.”

There was mostly just incoherent mumble-shouting from the other side of the phone as Hua Cheng raced both of them to their location. Xie Lian tried to keep her talking as much as possible through the different shouts seemingly directed at He Xuan.

The car skidded to a halt in front of the live pin of her location and Xie Lian ran out of the car as soon as physically possible. The sight before him left him even more speechless than their conversation on the phone. In fact, his phone slipped from his grasp, crashing to the ground in his shock.

Shi Qingxuan was half-wearing the beautiful green sundress. Her casted arm wasn’t even through the sleeve. She was just walking with one bare foot and one casted leg on the gravely pavement, her one sandal nowhere in sight. Same with the crutch. She just hurriedly hobbled toward Xie Lian like he was her savior or her personal guardian angel. Upon a closer look, he could see bruises littered around her neck and bite marks covering most of her exposed skin.

He Xuan wasn’t looking much better a little further off. Upon seeing the cavalry show up, he sprinted towards Xie Lian, too.

“Please, get me out of here,” pleaded Shi Qingxuan, desperation thick in her voice as she clung to Xie Lian like her life depended on it. “Get me far away from him.”

“This is a misunderstanding,” He Xuan called to them, pulling her shoulder away from Xie Lian. “You didn’t have to call them. We can talk-”

She ripped her shoulder out from his grasp and whirled around, screaming at him, “I swear to GOD, He Xuan, if you put another FINGER on me I will break it, do you understand me?”

At this point, Hua Cheng, seeing that it actually was serious, put the car in park and got out.

“Black Water, step back,” he called over, walking menacingly over towards his beloved Gege who was now shielding Shi Qingxuan with his body.

“I said it was a misunderstanding!”

He Xuan was practically lunging at his Gege, trying to get past him to get to Shi Qingxuan.

“Not one more step,” Hua Cheng threatened. 

“Fine, whatever… She’s overreacting, as always,” he sneered, walking around in a circle, huffing and puffing. 

Neither of them had ever seen He Xuan this emotional before. 

“Can’t wait to hear what she says about me-”

“Take a walk, He Xuan,” Xie Lian suggested firmly. “We’ll talk about whatever it is like adults after we’ve all calmed down and not cause any more unnecessary conflict, ok?”

He cackled angrily, spitting slightly as he yelled, “Take a walk? No, it’s my fucking apartment-”

Hua Cheng appeared next to him immediately and was grabbing his shoulder, leading him away from the other two.

“Let’s take a little walk, shall we?” he said slyly, leading the unwilling companion away from the eye of the storm.

Xie Lian waited until he sat her down in the back seat of Hua Cheng’s car to start asking his litany of questions. But first, he helped her right the dress, helping tug and pull the dress around her casted arm through the sleeve.

“Thanks,” she said, sounding more relieved than she’d felt in a long time.

“Don’t even mention it,” he dismissed. “But can you explain even just a little bit of what I was just witness to?”

She buried her face in her hands and just shook her head. “It’s all too horrible, I don’t even know where to start…”

“I often find the beginning is a good place to start,” he said softly. “Let’s start there, shall we? The last thing I remember was He Xuan taking you back to his apartment after the concert. What happened after that?”

She jolted up in horror and tried to scramble out from the back seat, but Xie Lian ever so gently held her in place.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’ll get it dirty! His nice car! I-” her voice broke and she covered her mouth.

“A car is not worth a life,” he cooed. “Tell me what happened. Did he… do something to you?”

She laughed darkly and said, “Not in the way you’re thinking. No, that part was consensual at least, haha. It’s what happened after that was the problem.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“You could say that, yeah,” she said, wrapping her arms around her torso to hold herself. “He Xuan… He said… He told me he was the driver. From the accident. He was the hit-and-run driver. He said he killed my brother, A-Lian.”

“What?”

“And that’s not even the most fucked-up part!”

Xie Lian listened in abject horror to each new disturbing detail that unfolded from Shi Qingxuan’s mouth as she retold this evening's misfortunes.

“Wow,” he said, completely at a loss, not really knowing what the right words to say after someone tells you something this messed up. “Yeah. Wow. That’s… That’s a lot.”

They just stared at each other for a long time in silence, both unsure what to say.

“Do you want to call the police?” Xie Lian finally asked.

“What?”

“Do you want to press charges?” he rephrased. “For the accident? He confessed.”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she said, instantly feeling torn. “He’s already been to jail and it fucked him up big time-”

“This isn’t about him right now. This is about you. What do you want to do?”

She stared at him for a moment. “I wanted the driver to pay. I wanted them to rot in hell forever. But… I… Knowing it's him… I can’t. I love him, Xie Lian. That’s the fucked up part. I still fucking love him.”

And it’s gonna tear me apart… she thought, heart feeling like a shark had ripped a vital chunk out of it.

“I mean, of course you still love him. You’ve been together for so long.”

“I’m the only living person still affected by the accident,” she continued. “So what good would it even do to report him?”

“It would probably mean he would have to pay for the damages and the funeral costs and your medical bills.”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t have any money.”

Xie Lian nodded.

“What the fuck do I do? This is so fucked,” she asked, helpless. “What do I do, Xie Lian?”

Xie Lian could only shake his head, “I don’t know.”

At that, she finally broke down into gross sobs. Xie Lian still couldn’t think of the right words to say to even try to begin comforting her. He just sat next to her and wrapped her in a tight hug, soothingly stroking her back. She cried into his sweater for a long while.

“I left some stuff in his apartment. I need to go get my shit…” she said after the tears had mostly stopped, hiccuping softly as she raised her head. She tried to move to get out of the car.

“You’re not going back in there,” Xie Lian promised. “What did you leave?”

“The crutch, my shoe and purse… Er, my bra and underwear, haha...”

“Are you ok to be left alone? I can go grab them real quick.”

She nodded at him and he promised he’d return quickly.

Left alone in the car, she shivered violently as her mind played back everything terrible that had just happened. Surely, her life wasn’t this fucked up, right? She had to be dreaming. She slapped herself a couple times, trying to wake up.

The horrible realization that she was awake and it was real made her start laughing. It was more of a shrill, trembling shriek than actual laughter, but her throat and voice were so shot, it was all she could make.

It was at that point that Hua Cheng and He Xuan had come back round after their walk. He Xuan hung back a couple of steps from Hua Cheng.

“Where’s Gege?” Hua Cheng asked.

“Went to grab some of my things,” she said, pulling herself out of the car and steadying herself on the door. She sniffed and wiped her runny nose on her dress.

Xie Lian, as if summoned, appeared before them holding her things in his hands. He eyed He Xuan warily and rushed over to Shi Qingxuan’s side to give her the crutch for support.

“You don’t have to do this right now,” he whispered to her. “We can arrange something when you’re feeling-”

“No, it’s fine. It might as well be now,” she said, feeling strangely calm. And she turned to face him. “…H-He Xuan,” she greeted.

“Bao.”

“I’m not gonna tell the police, so you don’t have to worry.”

His face scrunched up in confusion. “…That’s what you think I’m worried about right now, bao?”

“I honestly have no idea what you’re thinking right now,” she said plainly. “I don’t think I ever did.” 

She took a deep breath and started to try to consolidate her thoughts into coherent sentences.

“He Xuan, I love you,” she admitted, “Despite knowing I’m an idiot, I still love you, and maybe I always will. But I can’t… I can’t do this. I can’t be with you right now. Maybe ever. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear from you… I don’t want… I can’t… You killed my brother.”

Xie Lian put a hand on her back for support.

“Bao, please. He-”

“I don’t know what my brother ever did to you or your family or whatever it is you were saying, but I’m sorry. Really, I’m so sorry. If it was so bad that it inspired that much hate inside your heart, I’m truly horrified to think my brother had anything to do with what happened to your family.

“But, please, I have to know. Was this all some sort of fucked-up revenge against my brother to fall in love with me to get back-”

“No, it wasn’t,” he assured her. “That’s not- How could you think that of me? I didn’t know when I met you that it was that sonofa-”

He made a step towards her, but everyone moved at once. She flinched back and Xie Lian stepped in front of her. Hua Cheng, pulled his shoulder back.

“Please, that’s enough. I just… I can’t see you again.”

He didn’t reply for a long time before finally parsing out, “How long? Forever?” 

“I… I don’t know.”

He nodded, at least feigning understanding if nothing else. And he turned around to walk back into his apartment without another word.

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng stared at each other. Hua Cheng nodded softly, seemingly answering a question Xie Lian asked, like they were reading each other's minds.

“Please, stay at our place tonight,” Xie Lian offered.

“Normally, I’d try to refuse,” she replied hollowly, “but I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

Xie Lian wrapped his arms around her and she cried some more into his sweater.

They drove back to her apartment briefly so they could grab a couple of important things for her like medication and a change of clothes.

Once she was settled in their guest bedroom, freshly showered and wrapped in a thick fluffy towel, she flopped herself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. 

A thought came to her mind. She went to grab for her phone.

Tapping small water beads with still-wet fingers on the phone screen as she searched through her apps, she finally tapped what she was looking for.

“Hey, it’s me, Didi. I’ll be back way late tonight. A couple of us are gonna be studying for this big test. Apparently it’s supposed to be even harder than the MCAT, haha, so yeah. Don’t worry and definitely don’t wait up. Oh, hey. Would you mind throwing my laundry in the dryer? I didn’t get a chance to switch it before I left. Thanks. Love you, bye.”

This was the last piece of his voice left in this world. She played the message one last time.

She clutched her phone in her hand and shriveled into a ball on the bed, feeling more tears leak from her eyes as she pressed delete on his contact.

“Goodbye, Ge,” she whispered.

A/N:

Alternate title: SQX and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

Anyways hahaha this fic is my tear-stained love letter to BeefLeaf. I take psychic and physical damage every time I think about them. I literally make the Minecraft villager noise when they get hit like walking randomly down the street cuz half I just lose HP at the mere thought of SQX. 

I thought this was gonna be a short little song-fic and then it turned into like 18k of pure angst and also somehow my first smut? My blood sweat and tears have been poured lovingly into this fic and I really hope it shows. I think it’s one of my best pieces ever.

Special thank you to @/echochqmber and @tsukimefuku for helping beta this massive fic. Jeez. Round of applause for yall.

Green dividers by CafeKitsune!

Bonus song haha:

Cross-posted on tumblr and AO3.

All writing and art posted by this blog is original work by ©RedLikeRozez. Do not reupload, translate, copy, or claim as your own work.

[bebx]

"undoing this character's death would take away his sacrifice and character arc" girl I don't give a shit. I'm bringing him back through the power of ao3 fix-it fics and there's nothing you can do to stop me x

[yeehawpim]

a comic about fix-it fanfics

[ginnyw-potter-archive]

Feel free to use, or message me for more banners

yes, I'm self-aware thank you

[finleycannotdraw]

we need all types of art in fandoms

[cuntphoric]

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ masterlist

satoru gojo

big stretch spider!mangojo webs you up mwahs your tits video games after sex making out with rival!gojo gojo sucks tits when he's bored gojo and geto overstimming your tits desperate gojo deepthroating you wearing gojo's blindfold while he plays with your folds gojo masturbates over your photos overstimulation with gojo praise & degrade gojo loooves edging you just to see you beg shower sex

what a game threesome gojo's hands good kisser gojo gojo loves you and your dick sucking skills cumplay small or large he's good gojo misses your titties and fucks you later on softdom!gojo loves worshipping gojo IS the present male lactation LOL bad time? first time sucking him aftermath

happy trail gojo gojo's dick is pretty he knows how to use it gojo's dick hcs getting off to your reactions giving your bf gojo head gojo loves missionary bf gojo overstims you A LOT while eating you out tits, ass, or thighs? this man fucks hard aftercare with gojo making out & tits gojo loves getting praised so he'll do the favor right back gojo would not complain eating you out for a long time

bratty gojo mirror sex spooning sex late christmas shopping fucking i feel like gojo's top five positions on a certain day would be this p links #1 subby gojo handcuffed, laying on his back as you ride his face pegging gojo gojo with a pussy

suguru geto

gojo and geto overstimming your tits bad time? pegging geto

kiyotaka ijichi

dry humping & making out

hiromi higuruma

higurama loves you and your cum!

takuma ino

soft dom ino

events

smut-o-matic event

p links

gojo p links #1

[elexuscal]

squinting at the 'fix it fic' tag on any given story on Ao3, trying to discern if it's intended in the sense of:

I genuinely think the story had bad writing and I am taking my toolbox and improving it [and i the reader agree]

I genuinely think the story had bad writing and I am taking my toolbox and improving it [and i the reader disagree]

The story's ending was Tragic and I Respect that but also i just want to read about my faves having some kind of joy and fulfilment okay?

The story's ending was Tragic and I do Not Respect That please God Damnit Let Them Be Happy

We Are Literally Fixing The Canon With The Application of Time Travel or Reality Warping or some other Wild Plot Device

I am going to fix one obscure detail or plot element that 95% of the fandom has never thought about in their life

(because these are all extremely different vibes)

[ri-afan]

Danny, calmly, not facing the person he is speaking to. “As I’ve told you before, ghosts are beings made of emotion: when we feel things, we feel them 100%. While we can work on regulation and control, it influences even our speech on a metaphysical level, sometimes to the point of projection. Hence the need for control.”

Person: …

Danny, turning. “So when I say: ‘fuck you, get lost you bastard’,” Danny says, pushing his anger, hurt, and frustration into the words deliberately to where the other person is hit with it like a physical blow, “you know how much I mean it, with everything I am.”

[kingdomvel]

Steddie | 3.4k | ao3

five times people don't believe Steve and Eddie are dating + one time they have to

Made the silly post, decided to actually write it

1.

Eddie stops his van in front of Dustin’s house. His was the last stop of the drop off after the dnd session at Gareth’s house. Dustin turns towards Eddie. He is drumming his fingers on the wheel to the beat of the DIO song playing, never still. When Dustin doesn’t move, he turns to look at him with his eyebrows raised.

“Anything wrong, Henderson?”

He is looking at him with his big eyes and Dustin gulps. Even after everything they have been through, Dustin can’t help but feel nervous. There is still this feeling that tells him he has to try to impress Eddie, to be cool enough to be his friend.

“Will you teach me how to play guitar?” Dustin blurts before he chickens out.

Eddie looks at him with surprise, blinking a few times. He was clearly not expecting that question.

“Sure.”

“Wait- really?” Dustin is genuinely surprised. A part of him knew that Eddie wouldn’t say no, but he fully expected some teasing, some ‘what, Henderson, you wanna be like me?’ which. Yes. But he didn’t want Eddie to say it.

“Yeah dude, why not?”

Dustin lets out a delighted laugh and slaps the dashboard. “Yes! Thank you! When are we starting? Any time is good for me-“

“Calm down,” Eddie says with a chuckle.

“What about tomorrow? I can do tomorrow. I will bike to your house after school and you can teach me the basics or-“

“Calm down Henderson,” Eddie repeats louder. Dustin shuts up. “I can’t do tomorrow.”

Dustin’s heart breaks a little. “Why?”

“Because this humble bard has a date with Steve Harrington.” He has a stupid smile on his face when he says it.

There are a couple of seconds of silence and Dustin knows that he is pulling a face.

“Dude, don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?” Eddie looks baffled, almost offended, but there is a shiver going down Dustin’s spine.

“Like that! A date? Just say you are hanging out like a normal person.”

He is used to Eddie’s way of saying things, rarely in a normal way, but that was weird. Don’t get him wrong, he is very happy that Steve and Eddie have stopped acting like idiots every time Dustin mentioned the other and that they are hanging out now. But it’s still strange, seeing them actually getting along so well.

“If I’m going to have the King all to myself I am calling it a date.”

“STOOOP! It’s weird.”

“What is it Henderson?” Eddie says in a teasing tone as he leans towards Dustin. “Jealous that me and Steve are giving each other a bit of love?”

“Stop saying it like that!” Dustin screams. This would be so much weirder if Dustin didn’t know he is just teasing him. Maybe it was better when they were not friends.

The front door to his house opens, and Dustin scrambles to get out of the van before his mother can come and embarrass him more. The last thing he hears is Eddie’s crackling laugh.

2.

“Okay, what is happening?” Robin asks as soon as the door closes after the girl that had just rented Back to the Future.

“Something’s happening?” Steve sends a brief look around with a confused frown on his face before he looks at Robin.

“That girl.” Robin gestures to the door for emphasis.

Steve snorts, “yeah. Back to the Future? That’s funny.” He says as he crosses his arms in front of himself.

“That is not what this is about.”

“It’s not?”

“No! She was a babe!”

“Was she?” Steve looks at the door again, like he had not even seen the girl, like it had not even occurred to him to look at the girl. Robin could kill him.

“Yes! She was!”

“Did you want me to set you up with her? Because I will, you know that. Maybe we can have a code for that, you say- I don’t know- ‘have you watched Fast Times?’ and I will put my best wingman skills to use. I will get you a date in no time.”

Steve is the best friend Robin could ask for. He is also incredibly dumb and she is going to strangle him.

“I didn’t want you to set me up with her.”

“What’s the problem then?”

“The problem is that you are Steve Harrington and you didn’t even try to flirt with her! You should have been all over her, trying to get a date or her number. You haven’t been on a date in weeks! And it’s not even that you are striking out like in scoops, you are not even trying Steve. What is wrong with you?”

“What do you mean I haven’t been on a date in weeks, I was with Eddie just yesterday, I told you.” He has this confused frown on his face, like he seriously doesn’t understand where Robin is coming from.

“Steve, hanging out with Eddie doesn’t count as a date. Also, ew, don’t put that image in my head, I know he is our friend now or whatever and that you like hanging out with him but I would hope for you to have better taste than that.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that Eddie? Seriously? Did you see the stains on his mattress?”

Steve pulls a face, like had not thought about it before. “We’ll buy a new mattress.”

Robin looks at him, trying her best to communicate how gross she finds Eddie with her mind. Steve looks back at her with his eyebrows raised, daring her to say something else about Eddie.

The bell at the door interrupts them. It’s not a babe this time, just a normal guy, returning a tape. They act like the professionals they are until he is out of the door again.

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I didn’t flirt with him?” Steve asks, his hand gesturing to the door in that annoying way of his.

“No,” Robin says, but Steve doesn’t really wait for her answer before he continues talking.

“I didn’t because I am dating Eddie!”

“No you are not,” Robin answers with a snort.

“Yes I am.” Steve looks completely betrayed. “I am with him almost every day.”

“Oh, I know what is happening.” It’s so clear, so easy to understand now that Steve has said that. She puts her hands on Steve’s shoulders. He looks at her with a frown, a tilt of his head as he uncrosses his arms in confusion. “Steve.” She tries to convey as much seriousness as she can, just so Steve understands what is happening too. “Just because you have realised you like boys and he is gay and you two are hanging out, it doesn’t mean you two are dating.”

“Oh fu-“ he tries to move away from her but she clutches his shoulders tightly.

“You have to learn how to have friends your age, Steve. Remember when you though you liked me? I got away because I don’t like boys, and Eddie does! But that doesn’t mean he is into you!”

Steve rolls her eyes at her. The audacity. He bats her arms away with more easiness than Robin would like to admit. “Whatever.” He just says.

3.

“Steve”

“Mike” Steve answers in the same serious tone. If not a bit confused. Mike had followed him inside when he had come to get some drinks. He can still hear the others in the pool outside.

“I saw you speaking with Nancy.” Mike states. They had been speaking, close, too close. “And Dustin told me you were making eyes at her during the Vecna thing.”

“What?” Steve whispers as he shakes his head while he takes the drinks out of the fridge.

“Anything to say to defend yourself?” Mike asks him. He crosses his arms, tries to put on a serious pose. Intimidating, as much as he can.

“Listen,” Steve starts, he turns towards Mike him and leans back on the counter. He crosses his arms, and it makes Mike shift, conscious of his own crossed arms. He doesn’t like his tone, as if he is talking to a kid. “I know you are still pissy about me dating your sister, for some reason,” he uncrosses one of his arms to say it. “But she is with Jonathan now and I am totally over her.” Mike just squints at him. He doesn’t believe him. Everyone knows that Steve is not over Nancy. “Totally! I mean it. I’m dating Eddie now.” He says it like it’s a question.

Mike snorts. That is the stupidest lie Steve could have come up with to try to get out of this. “As if.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Eddie is too cool to date you.”

“He is too- I’ve saved your life,” he points to Mike.

“Eddie is still cooler.”

Steve takes a deep breath and Mike doesn’t really want to hear what Steve is going to say to defend himself. Thankfully he doesn’t say anything, his mouth closing as his eyes drift someplace behind Mike.

“I was promised beer,” Eddie’s voice comes from behind Mike.

“You’d have it if Mike here hadn’t decided to give me shit,” Steve answers as he moves to open a can of beer and hands it to Eddie when he gets to him.

“Just-“ Mike huffs. “Don’t get any ideas with my sister.” He says it as he points to Steve while he walks back outside.

Mike doesn’t stay to see Steve’s reaction, but he hears Eddie say “anything I should be worried about?” before the noise of the others drowns everything else.

4.

Max and Eleven giggle as the stand outside of the window to Eddie’s room. He is inside, they can see the lump inside the sheets and the mess of curls on the pillow. They look at each other and nod with a grin before they start banging on the window and shouting his name.

Eddie starts on the bed, Max could swear he lifts a few centimetres from the bed she can hear him scream ‘jesus christ’ through the window before he turns towards them with a squint. He sits up on the bed and reaches across to open the window, he is not wearing a shirt, so they have a full view of all his tattoos. It’s not like Max ever wants to see them so close, but she knows El likes them.

“What the FUCK Mayfield,” he asks, but it doesn’t sound like a question. Then, after a second of him squinting and them more. “Mini Hopper.”

Max doesn’t answer, because behind Eddie another lump is raising from the bed and looking at them with a squint. “Max? Is anything wrong?” Steve asks as he rubs his face and hair with the hand that is not currently propping him up.

“I…” Max starts, but she doesn’t continue. Sure, she had seen Steve shirtless at the boat that one time when they were going after Vecna, but it was nighttime and she had to look through some shitty binoculars.

Eddie reaches a hand back to try to push Steve back down, but it doesn’t really work. He just pushes his face, and Steve lets himself be pushed, just for a bit, before he is straightening again.

“Hey, hey,” Eddie says as he snaps his fingers in front of Max. It works on bringing her attention back to him. “Anything wrong?”

Max shakes her head.

“Are you having a sleepover? I also sleep with Max when we have a sleepover,” El asks.

Eddie looks between them for a couple of seconds before he says, “sure we are.”

It just sounds like he just wants to get rid of them.

“You boys are gross, can’t you put a shirt on?” Max asks. Billy was always walking around shirtless too.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Eddie just replies.

“Did anything happen?” Steve insists.

“We had a sleepover,” El says.

“Yeah, gathered that,” Eddie deadpans.

“We came so you will take us out for pancakes.”

Eddie groans as he lets himself fall back on the bed and looks up at Steve.

“I totally blame you for this being my life now, just so you know.”

Steve just laughs and pushes his face to the side. Max pulls a face, their friendship must be one of the weirdest things that has come out of the whole Vecna thing. Steve turns towards them with a stupid smile on his face.

“Go get your things, we will be out in ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?!” Eddie protests, but Max and El don’t pay attention to him, already celebrating and running back to Max’s.

The last thing she sees is Steve leaning down towards Eddie with a hand on his face out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t really put much thought to it.

5.

Lucas loves having Steve to play with. After all the Vecna stuff, he didn’t really want to hang out with the guys from basketball all that much, so Steve had stepped up. He had bought a hoop for his big driveway for them to practise and everything.

The day is hot, and they have been going at it for hours, so they are both sweaty and tired. They are at Steve’s driveway. It’s just them, sweaty under the sun, and Eddie sitting on a folding chair on the side, for some reason. He was already here when Lucas had arrived, and he had refused to leave. He is on the shade, reading a book, looking way more comfortable than them.

“Pause for drinks?” Steve asks, and Lucas is very happy to agree with him. “Hey!” he yells towards Eddie, he jumps as he looks up. “Don’t think I don’t see you looking at me like a creep. You should be getting us drinks.”

“Sorry sweetheart.” Eddie shouts back as he waves his book.

“Drinks, now.” Steve says with a jerk of his head towards the house.

Eddie drops the book in his haste to stand up and follow Steve inside. They are weird, they act so weird all the time. They should get girlfriends, that way they would maybe stop being weird with each other.

“You want anything, Lucas?” Steve asks as he walks away.

“Just a soda!” Lucas calls out after them.

Steve gives him a thumbs up as he goes through the door.

It’s ten minutes later that Lucas starts to wonder what’s taking them so long. He got tired of practising shoots, and also of sitting down on the grass waiting for them.

The house is blessedly chilly and dark when he comes in.

“Steve?” he calls out.

He walks towards the kitchen. There is sound coming from it, shuffling. When he gets close enough to the kitchen he hears Eddie speak quietly.

“Were you afraid your neighbours might see, big boy?”

“Shut up,” Steve answers. Then there are some wet sounds and when Lucas comes into the kitchen Steve is all over Eddie and-

“DUDE!” Lucas screams. Steve jumps away from Eddie. “What are you doing? What if Robin had seen you?”

Steve looks around. “What?”

“Dustin said you like Robin, what if she was here and she saw you…” he can’t even describe what they were doing, he just knows that if some girl saw that, she would never consider dating Steve.

“I don’t want to date Robin, why does everyone think I want to date Robin?” Steve says.

Lucas doesn’t answer. He just looks at Steve. If it’s not Robin, it’s Nancy, for sure. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell her, or anyone.”

Eddie laughs like a maniac, Lucas just squints at him and goes to grab his soda.

+1

Robin is not sure how they have ended up here. At the Hideout. On a Tuesday. With all the kids and Eddie’s band helping them get ready before even the freaking owner has arrived. She doesn’t know what about Eddie he thought was reliable enough to give him the keys to the bar, but she guesses it’s ‘I don’t want to go work early because some teenagers want to set up their instruments to play their shitty music’. It works for them though, because the kids had been saying how much they wanted to see them play, but they are not allowed to come into the bar when it’s open, so they have come extra early so they can listen to a couple of songs before people start arriving.

“Hey lovebirds!” A voice shouts. It’s one of Eddie’s bandmates. Gareth, Robin thinks he is called. “Stop being disgusting and come here so we can start?”

Robin turns to look for who he could be calling out for. Nancy and Jonathan have not come today, and everyone is in the stage area, everyone except…

“Did you just call Steve and Eddie lovebirds?”

“Yeah, since they started dating they’ve been unbearable.”

“DATING?” Dustin shrieks beside them.

“Shit, sorry, was that supposed to be a secret?” Gareth asks, and he sounds genuinely scared. Robin would normally appreciate it but-

“Oh, you think they are actually dating?” Dustin asks, but it doesn’t sound like a question, more like a realisation.

“Aren’t they?” Jeff asks.

“No, no, it’s just Eddie saying weird things.” Dustin dismisses, but Robin is frozen in place, the cogs in her mind turning.

“You are not dating?” Gareth asks to the side and yep, there Eddie and Steve are, now close to them. Eddie has his arm around Steve’s shoulder and they are leaning against each other.

Shit.

“We are,” Steve says easily. “They just don’t believe us.” Eddie bumps his head against Steve’s and he moves his head slightly away with an annoyed look that looks more fond than anything else.

Robin and Dustin are gaping at them and, from the sudden quiet around them she guesses the rest are too.

“Wait you two are actually dating?!” Lucas voice comes from behind them. “But Dustin said you weren’t going out with anyone because you liked Robin?”

That shakes Robin out of it, if only to turn around and say, “Ew, no.” Doesn’t matter who he is talking to.

“And I told Mike and Robin I was dating Eddie,” Steve says. “And you saw us kissing.”

“Yeah but- I don’t know.”

Eddie’s bandmates are now dying of laughter, Robin can’t even blame them.

“How was I supposed to believe you were telling the truth!” Robin exclaims. That provokes more laughs.

“Wait,” Max intervenes. “So that day you were sleeping together without a shirt…” She trails off, but they all see in her face what she just realised. “Gross!”

“Oh shut up Mayfield,” Eddie says. “I saw you looking at my boyfriend’s tits.”

That shuts Max up.

“You really are dating Steve?” Mike asks.

“Yes, and no stupid comments or your character is dead Wheeler.” Eddie states, pointing to Mike with the arm that is not around Steve.

And that shuts Mike up with a huff and a shake of his head.

“So you two are boyfriends?” El asks. “I think that’s cute.”

“Thanks El,” Steve says.

“I can’t believe you got with a boy before I got with a girl!” Robin exclaims. “And I didn’t know!”

“You would have known if you had believed me!” Steve exclaims back.

“Well sorry for thinking about your dating record and drawing conclusions.”

“Okay, okay,” Gareth interrupts them. “As funny as this is, we need to start now if we want to play anything before the owner arrives.”

“Let’s get this party going,” Eddie exclaims. He moves away from Steve to grab his guitar, and then goes back to Steve and kisses him on the lips. Actually kisses him on the lips in front of everyone, and Steve doesn’t really react except from a smile because why would he? They have been boyfriends for weeks apparently. “Be back in a minute sweetheart.”

Robin fake gags.

Steve moves to stand next to Robin. He has this shit eating grin on his face that Robin can’t stand.

“Shut up,” she says.

Eddie is on the stage now, looking at them with a stupid smile on his face. She should have known they were dating.

“Told you so,” Steve just says.

[minkieater]

twin cowboys ⇄ yungi ʚɞ song mingi x f!reader x jeong yunho your sorority chose to spend spring break in nashville this year and you couldn’t wait to finally go out to bars with your sisters. it was your second night out on the broadway strip and the only thing on your mind was having a good time – who are mingi and yunho to stop you?

w. smut 18+ minors dni porn with a lil' plot, dom/sub dynamics wc. ~9k

spring break for you and your sorority was a big deal.

for the last three years you’d traveled with the group of girls to new orleans, new york, las vegas, all places with incredible nightlife and a vast amount of things to do whether you’re of age or not. the older sisters always went to bars and clubs, leaving the underage sisters to their own devices in a new city, but someone always knew someone, there was never a shortage of something to do. 

this is your first year of being able to go out to places you could legally drink at and you were overflowing with excitement at where was chosen in the famous yearly salad bowl draw. every year you and your sisters would sit in the living room, your cutest and comfiest pajamas on and the entire sorority would get a partner and make a powerpoint presentation of where they wanted to travel to for spring break, including everything you could do in that city. at the end of all the presentations, you’d put all the cities in a bowl, and the president of the sorority would choose where you’d go.

this year the name that was drawn was nashville, tennessee. 

the bowl draw was smart, every year you had a complete guide already made up, the only work to be done was figuring out where to stay and getting tickets on the same flight. the vice president always figured out the rest, an unspoken job that was passed down year to year. 

this year you were staying in an adorable airbnb, decorated in pink, little sayings and picturesque opportunities covering the walls. it was massive, it had rooms for each of you, including a living space and a kitchen. if you needed to you didn’t have to leave, the place was enough for an instagram post — perfect for the underage sisters. 

it was your second night going out on the broadway strip and you were still hungover from the night before. you get ready with a redbull in hand, chasing your shots with it, using it to power through the stomachache and energize you for another night of too much alcohol. your sisters felt the same, despite the loud music flowing through the space of the home there was an underlying trudge between the sixteen of you. 

you did your makeup before you could feel the buzz that was flowing through your veins form into a flat out drunk, leaving you to only choose your outfit. you had packed very specifically for the short four days you’d spend in nashville, a leather mini skirt, leather top and of course, leather cowboy boots was already laid out for you as your night two outfit. 

your sisters were dressed the same, tassels and cowboy boots were on everybody in the house, that’s how you dressed for nashville, it was on every woman in the city between the ages of twenty and fifty. you’d all gotten ready in the middle of the day, most of you just waking up from a drunken sleep to shower and do it all over again. 

before you left the house you shoved a couple of crackers down your throat, something to soak up the alcohol so you didn’t throw up high noons all over the pink airbnb when you got home tonight. you’d walked up and down the strip a few times already the night before, checking out every bar on the sloped street that way you had a better idea of where you’d spend your night tonight. 

as you left the airbnb your first stop was kid rock’s honkey tonk, a building consisting of five stories that had a different band playing on each one. you’d made it through all five stories, stopping for a drink at each of the six bars, spending more than enough time in the crowd before the band. 

it was getting later, the sun had far past gone down, you and your sisters decided to go to where you’d spend most of your night tonight. luke bryan’s bar, 32 bridge, was connected to jason aldean’s rooftop bar, two places that you could slip back and forth from by just going to the top floor. the night before you’d loved it there, with country music playing earlier in the night shifting to more typical techno and rap music as you got closer to the nightlife crowd entering the bar. 

you were standing on the stage, the lights glowing a dim, cool blue, a massive crowd beyond the stage. you and three of your sisters were dancing along to a random country song, kicking your feet and swaying your arms in the air as if you were holding a lasso. you paid no mind to the crowd beyond you who was watching, eyeing you up from below. you were having fun with your sisters, all three of you giggling onstage, eyes half lidded in a drunken haze. 

the song ended and you realized your drink was empty, you motioned to the bar to let your sisters know you were going for a refill, leaving you to fight the dense crowd on your own. you stuck to the outskirts, weaving through random people and groups of girls just like you jumping and dancing to the music, trying your best to head straight to the bar. 

you sighed when you noticed the three layered crowd surrounding the entirety of the bar, knowing you’d be waiting here for a while to get close enough to even be noticed by the bartender. this was everywhere, every bar, nothing you hadn’t already experienced in the 36 hours you’d been here. 

“what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” your neck snapped to the corny pick up line coming from a raspy, poor accented voice, having to crane your head upward to see the face the voice was connected to. he was smiling, humor laced in his tone, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the attempt. 

“never heard that one before,” you laughed it off as he tipped his cowboy hat in your direction, obviously putting on a southern front when there was no way this man had ever stepped foot in the south.

“was it convincing?” he kept up with the fake accent and instead of cringing you giggled again, covering your mouth with the hand that wasn’t holding your drink. 

“somewhat,” you shrugged your shoulders, a blush creeping on your cheeks when you really looked at him. dark, black hair if it wasn’t the deepest brown hair you’d ever seen curling around the edges of his cowboy hat, a lean but muscular build, you could see his forearms flex under the folds on his western themed button up as he drank from his beer. deep, inviting dark eyes, full lips and a sloped nose. he was sturdy, definitely your type, tall and husky and strong. 

“i’ll take that as a win, doll,” he smirked, dropping the accent as the corner of his mouth lifted into a lopsided smile, “who are you here with?” 

“my sorority,” you turned to point to the stage, the remaining two of your sisters dancing with one another for the crowd. that was one way to let you keep an eye on them. 

“no way, i’m here with my frat,” his eyes were wide in surprise, “did we all have the same idea for spring break?” 

“seems like it,” you used your hand to refer to the crowd surrounding you, it seemed like there was no one present that was above the age of twenty five. “have you ever been here before?” 

he shook his head, “nah, the president’s birthday was yesterday so we’re here to celebrate him and spring break.” 

you nodded then decided to introduce yourself, wanting so badly to learn the cowboy’s name, encouraging the conversation to keep flowing so he’d stick around for awhile. 

“mingi,” he tipped his hat again with that pitiful accent, “pleasure to meet you, doll.” 

the blush returned to your cheeks, a weak resolve when his pick up lines were not up to par. you finally got up to the bar, a space left open when the person in front of you had gotten their drink, and you waited with elbows on the gloss finished wood for the bartender to come around to you. 

“did you need another beer?” you asked mingi who stood behind you, grateful he hadn’t left. he shook the bottle of beer to feel how much of it was actually left, and gave you a nod. 

he reached into his pocket and passed you his card, “a drink for you and me.” 

“we just met, i can totally get my own drink, don’t worry about it,” you pushed his card back to his chest and his smile returned, showing his lopsided teeth that matched his endearing look. 

“let me show you a little southern hospitality, you can get the next one if you’d like,” he was giggling as he spoke, barely getting the words out because he knew he was keeping the act up for too long, it was too entertaining to stop, plus it seemed like it was actually working. 

the bartender came around quickly without giving you time to respond, you ordered drinks for the both of you while tapping the corner of his card on the bar. the bartender quickly returned with your drinks and you traded them for mingi’s card, waiting for their swift return so you could sign off on the transaction. 

“wanna dance?” he asked as you turned around, handing his beer to him. 

“only if you promise to cut the accent.” he laughed at that and nodded, walking towards the crowd of people. 

he guided you slowly, inching towards the center of people, wanting to get to the more dense area of the crowd. he seemed to have found his friends, waving to three people who were shorter than him, all wearing cowboy hats and western attire themselves. they were all hot, you needed to find out where he went to school.

he turned back to you and started dancing, a sway to his hips matching that of the cowboy boots on his feet, swinging back and forth in front of you, encouraging you to match his rhythm. you agreed, your body naturally reacting to the flow of the music and the movement of his body, bodies quickly getting closer. it was like his hips were magnetic, the way they pulled you closer to him, closing the space between you. 

your chest came up to just before his pecs, your head tilted up to get a view of his face, his bottom lip sucked between his teeth. the songs switched, the next one a hit that everyone in the building knew, a famous song across the entire country. 

well i walk into the room, passing out hundred dollar bills…

you squealed in excitement, jumping a little bit because you know this one. you immediately started singing along, taking control of the dance this time, making mingi move to a flow of your own. 

cause i saddle up my horse, and i ride into the city…

his empty hand reached for your hips, keeping you flush to himself, singing along with you as he stared down at you, between you. you sipped your drink as your legs moved between his own, somehow getting even closer, welcoming every huge inch of him pressed to you. 

riding up and down broadway, on my old stud leroy…

an idea popped into your foggy head, a clever one, one you were sure would get the man to finally close the distance. you reached up to his cowboy hat and quickly took it off his head, placing it on your own as the words save a horse, ride a cowboy pumped through the speakers of the club and out of your mouth. 

his sweet smile turned devilish before he moved his lips closer to your ear, “doll, do you even know what you just did?” 

you laughed, your head falling backwards in a drunken haze, eyes fluttering shut as you held his hat tight on your head with your hand. 

you were oblivious to the old saying, the unspoken rule that if you take off a cowboy’s hat, it’s an invitation to take off other things, too.  

his hand tightened around your hip, snapping you out of your giggles and swiftly moved his hand up to your chin, fingers pinching the skin to connect his lips to yours. you allowed it, you welcomed it, your too hot body immediately leaned into his touch. 

your free hand moved up to cup his cheek, moving your lips with his, biting the skin of his bottom lip. he gasped and you used the opportunity to slip your tongue in his mouth, tangling with his own. your bodies kept swaying, moving, dancing as your tongues tangled, bodies involuntarily moving to the music and to each other. 

your back arched into him, pulling away so you could switch your angle, connecting your lips to his again. it was deepening, too hot to be in the middle of a crowded bar. you heard cheers from behind him that you could only assume were his friends, making you smile into the kiss, inevitably breaking the trance the two of you had subconsciously entered. 

you giggled as you peered around his shoulder at the shorter guys who were cheering and clapping, rooting for their friend in the middle of the dance floor. there was a blush to mingi’s cheeks as he told his friends to shut up, then turned back to bring his lips to your own again in a short peck. 

“ignore them!” he yelled as he pulled back, getting into the groove of dancing along to the next song. 

“it was cute,” you replied, taking his hat off of your head and standing up on your tippy toes to put it back on his head. 

“gotta pee! i’ll be back,” you told him, the seal you had broken an hour ago was on overdrive, now your bathroom breaks were getting closer together. he pulled you flush to him in another of slew of open mouthed kisses before he let you go, sending you off with a quick tap to your ass. 

you maneuvered through the crowd again, much more dense this time before you finally made it to the sparse areas, head turning left and right in search for the bathroom. you spotted it and made it there quickly, resetting your bladder to another countdown before you were off for the crowd again. 

as you left the bathroom in a rush, eager to get back to mingi, you slammed face first into something similar to a brick wall. 

you jumped back a step, apologies flooding out of your lips, craning your neck to look up to the kindest eyes you’ve ever seen looking back down at you. 

“you’re good, don’t worry,” he waved his hand with a tight lipped smile, bringing the same hand up to adjust the hat that was atop his rich, chestnut hair. 

“did i spill your beer? i can get you another one,” you offer, hands wiping at the damp spots in his button down, strong abdomen underneath. it was similar to the one mingi wore, identical to the one his friends’ shirts, your drunk mind was too foggy to notice the correlation. 

he shook his bottle and his lips tightened with his eyebrows raised and a tilt to his head, “i could use another beer, actually.” 

you smiled, grateful he was allowing you to pay back the inconvenience you caused him, quickly guiding him over to the bar again. you got yourself another drink and another beer for him, the crowd around the bar was two layers less compared to your last stop here. 

“thank ya, little lady,” he smiled again, patting your head with his long fingers. you were weak in the knees, he was huge, taller than mingi but more lanky. his arms were thinner, thighs less full yet he also looked so strong… where have all of these men been hiding? 

“we’re even now…?” you asked for his name without asking for it, your sentence trailing along, soliciting the information from him. 

“yunho,” he finished for you, those kind eyes smiling down at you once more. you introduce yourself back with a smile, and he shook your hand much to your surprise. such a mature gesture from a seemingly college boy…it was somehow expected from his character that bled through his features. 

“i wouldn’t say we’re even yet, little lady,” yunho interrupted your train of thought, picking your hand up that was glued to your side, “you owe me a dance and then we’ll be even, scout’s honor.” 

he held up three fingers and you laughed, nodding so he’d put down his damn hand that wasn’t holding onto yours and he led you to the crowd. 

he kept towards the outskirts, only inching you in maybe five layers deep, nowhere near the center. his arm immediately slipped around your waist, knees bending a bit as he did, pulling you flush to him to the flow of music in the air. you giggled, swaying your hips along with his, less build up than you had with the other cowboy yet the destination was just as clear. 

you turned yourself around, pressing your back to him instead and he kept that same arm curled around your waist. you tilted your head, hair falling to one shoulder, leaving the other one bare for him. mingi had started something you were unable to finish, you’d hoped that yunho would pick up right where he left off. 

yunho took a breath, moving his hand to travel along the skin of the slope of your neck to your shoulder, pressing his fingers to the flesh made bare for him. your body’s temperature rose even higher than before, trapping the noise of enjoyment in your lungs. your hips moved in tandem, bodies moving as one to the beat, yunho’s small touches only encouraged the pit that was forming in your stomach. you were getting worked up, beginning to inch toward needing a release, not caring which cowboy you got it from. 

like he could read your mind, yunho bent down and pressed his lips to your shoulder, evoking a sound you couldn’t keep inside this time. your head sank back into his shoulder, your hips stuttering slightly against his, you couldn’t hide what yunho knew you needed right off the mark. 

his lips trailed along the skin of your shoulder, spending time where it met your neck, licking over the sensitive skin there, only encouraging your body to sink further into his own. his hand trailed around your hips, playing with the hem of your skirt, fingertips slipping inside the leather to rub against the skin of your thigh. 

you whipped your body around, overstimulated by the small touches, you needed more. you pressed your lips to his and he moved his hand from your skirt to the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your hair. his knee split your legs, slipping a muscled thigh between your own, pressing up against your center. 

once again you were in the crowded mob, doing something not meant for the public eye yet enjoying every second of it — damn near begging for more, for it to go further. you moaned at the contact, finally getting some kind of stimulation where you needed it. your lips moved quickly, rushed, your hand flying to his chest to grip onto the fabric of his shirt. yunho chuckled into the kiss and bounced his leg once, twice before you had to pull your lips off of his, eyes screwed shut. 

“yun!” a voice called from behind you and you wanted to scream in frustration, tell the other person to fuck off so you could keep going, finally finish what had been started. but as you whipped around and your other cowboy stared at you in the face, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly ajar, you knew you were caught red handed. 

a blush crept onto your cheeks, mingi clearly didn't realize it was you that yunho had attached himself to when he yelled his president’s name. you didn’t realize they knew each other. 

“damn, i was gonna ask if you were ready to move to another bar,” his lips pulled into a line but you didn’t see any anger in his big, innocent eyes, “i see that you’re busy.” 

your eyes trailed up and down his figure, thighs thick and full and inviting. you peered up to his lips through your eyelashes, missing their taste, wanting more of him. an idea popped into your head, another one that you didn’t consider the consequences of, thinking with everything but your head. 

you curled your index finger, motioning him towards you as your back sunk into yunho’s chest once more. as mingi came closer, your chin lifted to give mingi your best innocent look, “don’t go, we’re just getting started.” 

you swung your arms around mingi’s shoulders, locking your fingers around your cocktail, hips starting to move along to the song again. the boys followed your lead, neither of them saying a word, only falling into rhythm with you. 

with yunho pressed to your backside and mingi flushed against your front, you felt like you could let go, let your inhibitions run rampant between the two sturdy men who could easily take care of you. you pulled mingi down towards your face with the arms wrapped around his neck, you were met with no resistance as your lips connected once more. 

yunho drank from his beer as he kept his other hand secured on your hip, watching the scene unfold in front of him with darkened eyes. it was hot, watching a girl he just met make out with his best friend while her ass pressed against his cock so deliciously, grinding against him to the beat of the song. he was salivating, his beer washing down the desire he felt from head to toe, fingers gripping harder the longer you kissed. 

yours and mingi’s tongues danced again, fighting for dominance, neither of you unaware of the man that stood right behind you. the slight ache of yunho’s grip on your hip made you whimper into mingi’s mouth, mingi’s own hand lifting up to your waist. his thumb circled at the small space between your top and your skirt, feeling the softness of your skin, the heat that transferred from you to himself. 

you broke away from mingi and glanced behind you, noticing yunho’s lustful stare, his eyes low and clouded. you glanced to his lips and he agreed without a word, leaning forward to catch your awaiting lips with his own. 

mingi huffed at the contact between you and yunho, thumb slipping inside the hem of your top, wanting to keep his hands on you as you kissed his best friend. he pressed himself closer, keeping the growing tent in his jeans away from watchful eyes, suddenly very aware of what the three of you were doing in a packed club. 

“we should go,” mingi’s voice is hoarse as he speaks, “i mean, if you guys want to take this elsewhere.” 

you break away from yunho and nod, scared that the wetness between your legs will start dripping down your thighs if you don’t do something about it. you bring the rest of your drink to your lips, chugging three quarters of it down, the twin cowboys doing the same. you placed your glasses on the bar on your way out, the three of you nearly racing out of the club and back onto the street of broadway. 

“i’m staying at an airbnb a block away,” you decide, leading them in the direction of your place, not giving them the option of going anywhere else. 

as you walked off the busy street the two of them grabbed both of your hands on either side of you, their long legs making you have to walk twice as fast to keep up with them. you arrived quickly, messing up the door code not once but twice in anticipation, giving the code to yunho who punched in the numbers with a cool, calculated head. 

the living room had a few underage sisters still lingering, all who watched you with the two men with eyes that bulged out of their heads, but yet no one said a word. you gave them a small wave and a meek smile before you dragged the boys up the staircase, finally arriving at your bedroom which was a wreck after two days of getting ready. 

mingi hopped on the bed quickly, manspreading with his feet planted on the floor, an invitation for you to sit on his lap. 

“we should talk about this first,” yunho interrupted and both you and mingi simultaneously whined, you stopped in your tracks before hopping on mingi’s lap. 

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” yunho raised his hands in defense, “but we’ve all been drinking and i want this to be a good experience for all three of us.” 

“i want this,” you interjected with a finger, “i started it.” 

“i also want this,” mingi nodded in agreement, hands readjusting his jeans, “was hoping the night would end this way when i first laid eyes on you, doll.” 

you giggled, your body immediately moving to crawl onto his lap, making yourself comfortable on the spot he just readjusted. 

“hold on, little lady,” yunho came up behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders, “you sure? what do you want from this?” 

your head craned upward to look at yunho who stood over you, the crown of your head touching his chest as he towered over your figure that was spread across mingi’s lap. “i’m sure yunho, i wanna be taken care of, want you, want both of you.” 

you glanced down to mingi with the last part and that lopsided smirk returned to his lips as he leaned forward to finally kiss you. yunho interrupted with fingers wrapped around your throat before mingi got the pleasure, tilting your head upward to look at him once again. he leaned down to kiss you, upside down from his position behind you, and you involuntarily ground your hips into mingi. mingi groaned, his head tipping back, watching you kiss yunho. 

“don’t be afraid to tell us to stop if it gets to be too much, okay? you know the color system?” he says as soon as he breaks away from the kiss, moving his head so you were looking into his eyes that have gotten impossibly darker. you nodded and he let go, letting you stretch your neck side to side before you nearly pounced on mingi. 

you attached your lips to the first cowboy, all teeth and spit and tongue, no time to waste as your hands snuck up to the short tufts of hair that were peeking out of his hat, tugging at it. mingi groaned, his hips bucking into you from beneath you, his hands roaming across your thighs. you ground your hips into him, the bulge in his jeans dragging against your clothed clit just right, working your hips into a rhythm. 

you felt the bed dip beside you, remembering yunho was here too, you reached for him with a weak arm. he ignored your hand completely as he pulled your hair over to one shoulder again, leaving the whole side of your neck open, indulging himself in licking up the faint saltiness of sweat on your skin. you moaned into mingi’s mouth from the contact, the stimulation from his cock grinding up into you and yunho’s hot tongue running along your shoulder. 

you broke away from mingi’s mouth, continuing your assault on his lap while yunho licked up the base of your neck, making your head fall to the side so he could suck on your jaw, left hand coming up behind you to unzip your top. you and mingi filled the room with sweet sounds of pleasure, working yourselves on each other, his hands coming up to guide your hips against him. 

“fuck, mingi,” you cursed, your eyes fluttering shut as your top fell to the sheets, missing the widening of the twins eyes, how mingi’s tongue lolled out of his mouth at the sight. 

you felt the pit in your stomach start to build and fast, but it was ripped away from you even faster as yunho scooped you off of mingi’s lap and threw you on the bed behind him. you whined at the loss of contact, your skirt slipping up to your waist at the movement, nothing but your chest and your lacy black thong visible to the cowboys. 

“my turn,” yunho’s declaration was nasty as he attached his lips to yours again, body completely enveloping yours on top of the sheets that you left in disarray. you moaned into him as his hands fled to your chest, thumbs circling over the hardened peaks, making you arch into his touch, legs wrapping around his torso. 

mingi stripped himself of his hat, shirt and boots before he crawled next to the two of you on the bed, an arm sliding between yours and yunho’s bodies, slipping his fingers into your panties. 

you cried out a fuck into yunho’s mouth, the rest of the house be damned as mingi used his ring finger and began circling your clit. you broke the kiss as your head fell back into the mattress, digging into it, your chest arching up into yunho’s as mingi dipped his finger further down, dragging your slick up and down your folds. 

“so fucking wet,” mingi said under his breath, eyes focused on his own fingertip that was slipping in and out of you, barely breaking the line of his first knuckle. you couldn’t focus, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, the only word forming in your head was the continuous chant of more. 

“please put it inside, please don’t tease,” you whined, head turning to plead with mingi, eyebrows knitted together in frustration. yunho kissed down your neck and throat, licking the column, covering the area in his spit and all you could do was moan. 

mingi’s smile turned devilish, not a singular ounce of sympathy in his beautiful face. a rush of something fled through you as the dynamic changed in the room, mingi’s sweet, playful energy turned taunting, “you like it when i play with your pretty pussy, doll? hm?” 

your eyes rolled into the back of your head at his words and his finger that was slowly inching deeper, each stroke of the thick digit went further yet still not giving you its entire length, leaving you unsatisfied and impatient but utterly fucked out. 

yunho chuckled as he leaned backward, unhooking your legs from around his waist. your legs stayed spread around his hips as he sat on his haunches, taking one hand to move your panties to the side, watching as mingi’s finger that was covered in your slick barely moved in and out of your center. yunho had changed too, that cool, clear headed energy he filled the room with had turned dominant and powerful, it sent a shiver up your spine. 

he bit his lip as his eyes lowered in focus, “you were right ming, such a pretty fucking pussy.” 

your back arched again, hips bucking into mingi’s finger that still wasn’t giving you enough stimulation. mingi smiled at you through lowered eyes as you thrashed on the bed, bucking your hips even though it was doing nothing. 

“so antsy, what a needy girl,” mingi tsked, shaking his head as he watched you, fingers still not letting up from their unsatisfactory attempt of pleasuring you. 

“here, little lady,” yunho said as if he’d help while he brought his other hand to your center, thumb rubbing slow circles over your clit, using very little to no pressure. you were gonna lose your fucking mind. 

tears welled up in your eyes as the twin cowboys watched with amusement, enjoying your frustration before you brought your hand down to yunho’s wrist, opting to force more pressure from his hand if he wasn’t going to give it to you willingly. it was the only option left, they were getting a kick out of your misery, out of your begging — it was the wrong move, and it turned you on even more. 

yunho gasped as he pulled his hand away right before you could wrap your little fingers around his wrist, mingi following suit, leaving you empty and without any stimulation at all. you cried out, eyes squeezing shut, hips chasing their hands. 

“what was that?” yunho asked in disbelief while you stayed silent, eyes opening to small crescents, tears spilling from your mascara coated lashes. 

his head turned to mingi who responded, “i think that was the doll trying to fuck herself. seems she doesn’t need us at all.” 

mingi’s tightened lips pulled to the side, a disappointed look on his face when yunho responded, “i think you might be right again, ming. you don’t need us, little lady? you wanna fuck yourself? thought you wanted us to take care of you.” 

his words were taunting, mocking, the inflection of his voice did nothing but make the tears flow faster. they had definitely done this before, there were already too many moments where they read each other, knowing what the other was going to do next for this to be their first threesome, you were the naïve one here. you nodded, bobbing your head with fervor, a silent plea for them to just give in, give you what you needed.

“beg for it,” his words were vile, venom as he spat them off his tongue. a wicked smile followed yunho’s order, his hands sliding to your thighs to your hips to take control of your lower half. 

“need you to take care of me, please,” you were immediate in your plea, looking between the two men who wore sardonic faces, their smiles twisted. “need both of you so bad, want you inside me.” 

mingi leaned forward and wiped your tears from your cheeks, the sympathetic glint in his eye did not match the evil smile planted on his lips, “what’s that you sang to me earlier? save a horse and what?” 

“i think it’s save a horse and ride a cowboy,” yunho finished for mingi, pretending he had to rack his brain for the answer, just stalling for more time to look at your naked body spread out in front of him. 

mingi nodded in remembrance, the scene of you grabbing his hat and placing it on your own head playing out in his mind. he flipped over on the bed to his back, knees bent up as he looked over to you, “well? what are you waiting for?” 

you jumped. you scrambled over to lap, kneeling over him as you unbuckled his belt and he laughed, “so eager, doll. can’t wait, can you? no patience at all?” 

you shook your head, eyes completely glazed over as you unzipped his jeans, pulling them down to his ankles. he kicked them off with ease as you took in the size of him, eyes widening and a gasp leaving your lips at the sheer length he’d somehow kept hidden in his jeans. 

mingi chuckled before he turned his attention to yunho, “wait til she sees you.” yunho immediately smiled with a short nod, zeroed in on you spitting onto mingi’s length, spreading it with a manicured hand. 

you couldn’t hear him, too focused on the voice in your head screaming how the hell you were gonna fit him inside of you? you ignored your worry and kept your focus on him, figuring that you could at least try and take him in your mouth before you fit him inside. 

“there you go,” mingi cooed as you bent down to pepper kitten licks across his leaking tip, spreading the saliva that was pooling in your mouth down his length. you finally took what you could in your mouth, tongue massaging against the underside, hands pumping what your mouth couldn’t fit. mingi immediately groaned, his hand flying to tangle in your hair, not pushing your head but leaving the weight of his palm as a reminder that he could. 

yunho undressed himself off to the side, sitting back to watch, hand wrapped around his length as he pumped himself at the scene playing out in front of him. he always lets mingi go first, get the initial stretch out of the way so he could have an easier time slipping inside you. they had a method, the twin cowboys, a routine they’d used every time they found themselves sharing the same bed with a partner. you might have started this, but they fell into pattern the moment they realized where tonight was headed. 

you took mingi down in your throat, gagging around him, eyes filled with tears once more as you took him impossibly further. mingi’s eyes were screwed shut, moans falling from his lips, hips involuntarily bucking up into your throat with his fingers tangled in your hair. 

“so fucking good, doll, keep going,” his words slurred, voice low and hoarse as he tried to open his eyes to steal a peek at you. he failed, the view made the feeling overwhelming, you’re too good, too pretty, he felt a pit in his stomach forming and he could not allow that to happen just yet. his fingers pulled at the roots of your hair and lifted you off of him with a pop, his own mouth hanging open at the sight of your fucked out face. 

he pulled you up to his lips by your hair, kissing you roughly, once again all teeth and tongue. you whimpered into his mouth, reaching for his cock again and he bucked his hips into your grip on him. 

“ride me, need you,” he said into your lips between kisses, that raspy voice sending another wave of heat through your body.

“color?” a voice called from the side of the bed and you called green to the air, not even bothering to look over to the taller cowboy who asked the question, too engrossed in mingi’s slick, angry cock laying across his pelvis.

you swung your leg over his lap, spit onto your palm and gave mingi one last pump of lubrication before you lined yourself up over his length. you caught the taller cowboy in the corner of your eye, his hand was still, squeezing the base of his cock and your mouth went dry from what you saw out of your peripherals. 

“fuck yunho,” your eyebrows furrowed together as you finally looked over at him, another worry slithering up your spine, making you pause in your ministrations, locking up your joints. he was leaned back, chiseled abdomen clenched as he edged himself, head tipped back and knuckles white from the pressure of the squeeze around the base of his cock. he looked so fucking sexy you almost moaned from the view, but the fear remained, mingi was big but yunho was bigger, massive even as his cock curved toward him past his belly button. 

mingi gave you a light slap to your pussy making you gasp before you turned to face him. “eyes on me doll, i’m the one fucking you, not him.”

you nodded and tried to refresh your focus, regain your train of thought, lining him up with your center but you couldn’t relax as you tried to split yourself open on him. muscles locked, joints stiff, even mingi’s delicious length had you a little nervous despite every nerve begging you to sit the fuck down. 

yunho picked up on it, sliding from his spot beside you to slip behind you, planting kisses along on your shoulder and both hands on your hips. you relaxed in his touch, head leaning back on his shoulder, your own shoulders slumping.

“you can do it, little lady,” he encouraged, guiding your hips down onto mingi, “there you go, baby, relax for me, hm?”

you moaned at the stretch and yunho’s words, trying to relax your core, letting your head get a little fuzzy so you didn’t tighten around him and just sank. mingi moaned, a strained, languid noise as he felt you wrap around him, a delicious squeeze as you took him further. 

his hands sat on top of yunho’s as his eyes screwed shut, moaning his words in pleasure as much as he was encouraging, “yes, doll, take this dick.” 

the two men pulled you down further, guiding you, encouraging you to let go. a guttural moan broke out of you as you bottomed out, sitting flush against mingi. he let out a sigh of relief. 

“really thought you panicked after seeing yun,” mingi said with a laugh as you sat for a moment, enduring the stretch, embracing it. 

“i did,” you admitted and you heard a breath of amusement leave yunho's lips behind you. “you guys should’ve warned me!” 

“how were we supposed to warn you? hey i know you want to fuck us but just so you know we have massive cocks? that’s insane, we’d never get laid,” mingi replied and you laughed at that, almost as if he weren’t buried inside of you.

“valid,” you replied and you could feel yunho’s grip on your hips pulling your body upward, telling you to move without actually saying anything. you and mingi both moaned at the friction, you could feel every inch of him inside of you, every vein rubbing against your walls. 

“color?” yunho asked from behind you, thumbs rubbing circles into your hips as he guided you downwards again, keeping a slowed pace.

“green,” your voice was breathless and your eyes screwed shut, brain going fuzzy again knowing that yunho was fucking you onto his best friend’s cock. it made you feel like a doll, a plaything, and it was so fucking hot. 

“yes,” mingi whispered as you picked up speed, bouncing on him now, gaining enough strength of your own instead of relying on yunho’s. you lurched forward and your hands pressed against mingi’s sculpted abdomen, using it as leverage to bounce your hips, to gain a rhythm. 

yunho leaned back, hand wrapping around himself again as he watched you fuck mingi, a beautiful view of the back of you bouncing along his length. 

“so fucking sexy,” yunho’s voice was low and sultry, music to your ears and you moaned in response, eyebrows furrowing, that pit in your stomach growing again. yunho noticed your thighs twitch and your rhythm stagger, he was quick to sit on his knees again, wrapping an arm around your hips to attach his fingers to your clit. 

“yes! yes keep going,” you chanted, using the strength of your thighs instead of learning forward against mingi’s abdomen, giving yunho easier access to rub quick circles on your clit. 

“so fucking good doll, taking me so well,” mingi’s hands ran up your thighs as you bounced, his eyebrows fixed together, jaw dropped in pleasure. 

he was hitting every spot so deep, close to touching your cervix from how far he was inside of you. his hands leaned up and kneaded your tits, massaging your nipples between his fingers, pushing your boobs together, slack jawed from the sight in front of him.

“yes, cum on this cock,” the rasp to his voice was so hot, he felt his own orgasm approaching quickly, he needed you to cum first.

yunho circled your clit impossibly quicker and brought his lips to your neck again and you lost it, creaming around mingi, your bounces becoming erratic as you finished on him with a loud cry. mingi quickly brought his hands back to your hips, fucking you onto him through your orgasm, keeping you at a pace to get him past the finish line. 

“inside,” you mumbled through heavy breaths, “cum inside me baby, please mingi, wanna feel it, wanna be full of you.” 

mingi lost it at that, hips bucking up into you until he lost it, too. he finished inside you with a loud groan, his hips slowing, overstimulating himself until he came to a stop. 

like they had a routine, mingi gave himself a moment to catch his breath as yunho lifted you off his length, mingi pulling his body up the bed until his back was against the headboard. you gasped at their quick movements, you were hoping for at least a minute to recover.

“my turn,” he repeated the same words from earlier as he flipped you, laying you down against mingi’s broad chest, kissing you sweetly as his hands raked over your body. 

“say red if you need to stop, okay?” he looked up to you, eyes staring deep into your own so you knew he was being serious. you nodded and he smiled, kissing you again, taking a minute to get lost in your mouth as his hand traveled to your center that had just been pumped full moments prior. 

he let his fingers slip up and down your folds and you gasped, hips immediately bucking at the contact. 

“too sensitive,” you whined, grabbing mingi’s hands that were laid at your sides. 

“gonna take care of you little lady, don’t worry,” yunho didn’t even look up as he spoke, eyes glazed over as he watched his fingers slip through the flood, the mixture of yours and mingi’s release coating his long digits. 

yunho laid down on the mattress, face centimeters from your center and you panicked. is he doing… what you think he’s about to do? he planted a quick kiss to your clit and your head shot back against mingi’s shoulder, a whine leaving your lips from the quick contact, only getting louder as yunho’s tongue dragged from your overstimulated clit to your full hole. 

he spit on it, getting his own liquids in the mix, a concoction of the three of you that was messily spread onto your pussy. it was hot as much as it was embarrassing, you couldn’t live in the discomfort for any longer than a second as the pleasure overtook it.

“shit,” your moan was dragged out as yunho ate mingi’s cum out of you, you watched him lick, you watched him swallow, you watched as he dug his face farther into you when your hips involuntarily bucked into him. 

he took one of his hands that was pressing your thighs to the side and brought it to your center, circling his middle finger around your entrance, slipping the tip of it inside. 

“not this again,” you whined and yunho chuckled against you, sending vibrations through your entire body before he slipped the entire finger inside. 

you cried out, back arching, nails digging into mingi’s hands as you chanted thankyouthankyouthankyou into the air. he added another finger, scissoring them inside of you, curling them up to hit the spongy spot inside of you that made you see stars. 

the pit grew again, that tight band that threatened to snap dangerously quick. yunho kept the pace of his tongue against your clit, a brutal rhythm, one begging you to cum all over his face. 

“go ahead doll, cum,” mingi said in your ear, voice still low and hoarse and strung, it was music to your ears. you let the band snap, hips jerking against yunho’s face but he let you ride it out, let you come down before he came up for air. 

“no one’s ever done that before,” you admitted the second yunho was in earshot, still shocked and slightly embarrassed by what he had just done you began babbling. “well, i’ve never had a threesome before so no one’s really had the opportunity to.” 

both yunho and mingi’s heads snapped to look at one another before they looked back at you. yunho’s eyes were wide as he spoke, “this- we are your first threesome? why didn’t you say that?!” 

“why would i tell you that?” you asked in the same shocked tone, chest still heaving from your orgasm. 

“it’s the same reason we didn’t tell you we were packing,” mingi replied from behind you, chest vibrating into your back, “you were scared we’d say no.” 

“we wouldn’t of said no,” yunho interjected as he sat back up on his haunches, throwing your legs around his hips again as he lined himself up, “we just would’ve been nicer, more gentle.” 

“too late for that, put it in,” you were quick in your response, eyes flying to yunho’s cock, making mingi chuckle beneath you. 

yunho lined himself up before he paused again, making you whine and answer him before he had the chance to speak, “i’m green and impatient, i’ll tell you if it hurts. put it in.” 

he smiled before he pushed himself in, face contorting as he was greeted with resistance, but not enough to make him concerned. your eyebrows twisted, eyes closing at the stretch, still a discomfort after coming twice so far.

mingi let go of your hands and brought one finger to your clit, the other hand tweaking at your nipple, trying to make the pleasure outweigh the discomfort. you moaned, a strangled but sweet noise, the stretch was intoxicating. 

yunho sheathed himself inside of you and groaned, his head falling forward, leaning his forehead against yours. 

“still so fucking tight little lady, gotta open up for me or i’m gonna cum,” his voice was low, his breath labored as you tried your best to relax again. 

“yeah, just like that, there we go,” he noticed the release of your core and began rocking himself into you, small grunts turning into louder moans the faster his thrusts became. 

mingi kept up the pace of his fingers with yunho’s thrusts making the pleasure almost blinding, so overstimulating you felt your head go fuzzy again, tongue lolling out of your mouth, your senses leaving you. 

“perfect little pussy taking me so good,” yunho praised, only sending you further into whatever headspace you’d entered. you didn’t even know what sounds were leaving you as yunho’s thrusts became relentless, fucking into you at a speed that had you seeing stars again, your head falling lifelessly onto mingi’s shoulder. the pit in your stomach returned and you wondered how it was possible for the two of them to make you cum nearly three times in one night. 

“yunho, so fucking big,” you tried to muster but your babbles had become incoherent as you grabbed onto mingi’s forearms, nails clawing at the soft skin, stuck between wanting him to stop and wanting him to rub your clit faster, your orgasm right on the brink of crashing over you again. 

your hips started fucking back onto him and your prayers were answered, your cries ascending to almost screams as your stomach snapped again, so loud the twin cowboys were hoping those girls in the living room had left. 

“fuck yes, cum on this cock. give me another,” yunho ordered, hands wrapping around your hips again, pulling you into him harshly. his brain seemed to have gone elsewhere also, the dominance returning, the powerful energy he’d surrounded the space with earlier. 

“again?” you cried, hands coming up to claw at yunho’s forearms instead, “i can’t!” 

“yes you can, baby, cum again. give me another, wanna feel you cum around me,” he was as mindless as you are, eyes empty as he fucked into you at a dangerous pace. 

mingi’s hand slid up your torso and his hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing ever so slightly but just enough, the loss of air causing that pit of pleasure to grow again. yunho smiled, a devilish one while his hand came to circle your clit, tipping you over the edge. 

“yes baby, fuck yes, so good for me,” yunho praised as you came around him, the clench of your pussy only aiding his own release. 

“such a good girl,” mingi cooed, grabbing your hands again, kissing your cheek to soothe your now twitching body. yunho only got out three, four, five more pumps inside you before he was emptying himself, coming down to stilling his movements. 

you caught your breath for a second, pussy still pulsing around him, feeling so utterly spent. yunho pulled out and collapsed beside you, his chest heaving, hands dangling atop his chest. 

“color?” yunho asked, that kind smile on his face as he turned to you. 

“green,” you responded, your voice raspy, “but you can’t fuck me again. i won’t be able to handle cumming again for another, like, three days.” 

the twins both laughed at that, mingi pecking small kisses to your cheek before he asked, “should we shower?” 

the three of you showered, all of you resembling something like zombies as you all shared the same vanilla coconut body wash. you went back downstairs after that for food and water, all dressed in white robes the airbnb provided, and the girls that were in the living room earlier were all still there, faces bright red. 

“wanna watch a movie?” you asked the room, the twin cowboys still behind you, and the girls reluctantly agreed, only receiving shy nods of their heads.  the three of you sat on the massive sectional surrounded by your sisters in their pinkest pajamas, with cozy robes and towels twisted around your heads. you ate popcorn, watched once upon a time in the west, and fell asleep with your limbs entangled, cozied up in the fluffiest blankets with two cowboys that’d go down in history in your sorority’s legendary spring break stories.

[cinnabananamon]

Sooo…. You guys know chapter 431 right… right… here is a little fix it comic from yours truly that is a product of me inhaling too much copium.

MHA 431 (alternate)

What if…

(Part 1)

[bebx]

fanfic writers are so fucking awesome in the sense that they can take one single scene, that lasts less than a minute, from the source material and turn that one single scene into a 40k word long fic with depth, feels, character study and development and create a whole storyline out of that one single canonical moment.

fanfic writers are so fucking awesome in the sense that they can take one single scene, that lasts less than a minute, from the source material and write 40 entirely different fics about that one single canonical moment and each one of those fics is a literal masterpiece.

shout out to us fanfic writers ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[lvrsfilm]

contrary to popular belief, Simon Riley does not do casual.

Nothing about him is casual. Nothing about his dedication to his work and his team, the bullets he would disperse and receive for them. Nothing about his routine, the way he shines his boots or folds his uniforms every week like clockwork. He is a cut and dry man, or at least he tries to be.

You, on the other hand, are the opposite of him in so many ways that at a glance people would assume you're the kind of person he hates. (He wishes that was the case, it'd make his life simpler). You bounce around base like a lit firecracker, your fuse sizzling quietly even during missions, never burning out. You never seem to tire, even after the particularly hard ones that leave him mute and holed up in his quarters for hours every day after.

You are casual. Coming to his room whenever you feel like it, knocking in a way that lets him know it's you and no one else. Bringing him tea, or bourbon, the occasional meal if you can convince him. He doesn't see how you can think it's casual. Slipping off your boots, leaving them half laced at his door.

Slipping into his bed. Laying next to him in silence, just so he isn't alone. Bandaging any cuts that aren't severe enough to warrant him going to medical. The soft skin of your hands making practiced movements over his scarred skin that only you've seen. He is not a casual man. And you don't seem to have figured that out yet.

No other man on base interested in you would even entertain the thought of pursuing you, for fear of Simon somehow hearing their thoughts and stringing them up by their necks to show the others what happens if they touch what's his. Everyone else can see the way he looks at you, the way he lets you in.

Everyone except you, apparently.

You don't ask why he lets you in, and he doesn't ask why you keep coming back.

He doesn’t know how to tell you that you’re the first person to make him feel human in a long time. That every soft knock on his door chips away at the walls he’s built, cement crumbling under your touch, a feeling akin to warm liquid gold seeping through the cracks, running over his scar tissue. Like he's a victim of Midas. Exposing him to something he thought he’d buried years ago. You remind him what it’s like to be vulnerable, to crave something more than routine and mission reports.

And it terrifies him.

Because Simon Riley does not do messy, either.

But you? You’re a storm. Chaotic and unpredictable, rushing into his life like you’ve always belonged there. He doesn’t know what to do with you, how to keep you at arm’s length without losing the warmth you bring into his otherwise cold existence. So he lets you in, over and over, even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts.

Tonight is no different.

The knock comes—a rhythm so familiar now that it’s practically a lullaby. He already knows it’s you before he opens the door. You’re standing there, as casual as ever in civvies, with that cheeky grin that makes his chest tighten in ways he refuses to name.

“Thought you could use some company,” you say, holding up a thermos of tea like a peace offering.

He steps aside, wordlessly, because what else is he supposed to do? Tell you to leave? Pretend he doesn’t want you here? He’s not that good a liar, not around you.

You slip past him, kicking off your boots, leaving them next to the doorway as always, and make yourself at home like you belong here. Like you belong with him. And maybe you do.

He watches as you set the thermos on his desk and plop onto his bed, laying on your back and stretching like a cat, looking at him expectantly. It’s a simple gesture, but it speaks volumes. An invitation. A promise.

He lays down, careful to leave just enough space between you to keep the illusion of distance. But then you lean into him, shoulder brushing his arm, and the illusion shatters. His resolve crumbles.

“You came straight here when we got back,” you say softly, tilting your head to look at him. “skipped dinner, I saved a plate for you from the mess.”

It’s such a simple statement, but it cuts through him like a blade.

He turns his head slightly, his dark eyes meeting yours. He looks at you like you're a puzzle he can't solve. Like he needs to figure put your angle, figure out why you're treating him so softly. For a second, the air between you feels impossibly fragile, as if even breathing too hard might shatter it.

“You don’t have to do this,” he says, his voice low, almost gruff, like the admission costs him something.

You tilt your head at him, your lips curving into a soft, knowing smile. “Do what?”

He exhales sharply, as though frustrated, though it’s unclear if it’s with you or himself. “This… whatever it is you’re doing. Looking out for me. Bringing me tea. Sitting here. I didn’t ask you to.”

“I know,” you reply simply, your tone disarming in its honesty. “I do it because I want to.”

The words hang in the air between you, unassuming yet weighty, like they’re daring him to refute them. He doesn’t, because he can’t. You've made up your mind. There’s a stubbornness in your voice that he knows too well—one that he’s realized he has no defense against.

“You shouldn’t,” he mutters after a moment, turning his gaze toward the ceiling. “It’s a waste.”

Your smile falters, just slightly, but it doesn’t vanish. “You’re not a waste.”

He flinches at that, so subtly you might have missed it if you weren’t so attuned to him. His fingers twitch on the mattress, his eyebrows furrowing beneath the mask. He doesn’t respond, doesn’t argue, but his silence says enough. You press your lips together, chewing the bottom corner slightly as you debate whether to push further. You decide to anyway, because that’s what you do.

You grin, a mischievous glint in your eyes, and he knows you’re about to say something cheeky. But instead, you surprise him again by reaching over to touch his hand—just a fleeting brush of your fingers, so brief he almost convinces himself it didn’t happen.

He closes his eyes, his jaw tightening, but he doesn’t pull away. That’s something, you think.

You turn onto your side, facing him fully now, your fingers brushing against the back of his hand. He doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch this time, so you let your touch linger—gentle, steady, unassuming.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you add quietly, almost as if it’s a promise.

When he finally opens his eyes again, there’s something raw and unguarded in his gaze, something that makes your chest ache. He doesn’t say anything—doesn’t thank you, doesn’t argue—but the way his fingers curl ever so slightly against yours feels like an answer.

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[hischierhoney]

Someday ⊹₊⟡⋆

Nico Hischier x reader // masterlist

summary: an overheard comment at a team party has Nico spiraling about the future- in the best kind of way. 2.9k

or: stache!nico looks like a dilf so I wrote a breeding kink fic. nobody perceive me.

warnings: 18+ minors dni, breeding kink but like. in a for fun way not an actually trying to get pregnant way, unprotected sex, strong language, mentions of future pregnancy

i blame cece & sabrina carpenter

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Nico asks, his voice ringing out through the softly lit kitchen.

You hum, shaking soapy water off your hands into the sink. “Gonna have to be more specific, babe.”

You figure he’s probably talking about something you said when you were at the Lazar’s house for a football game watch party. He’s been a bit pensive ever since you got home, a bit lost in his own head. Not in a bad way- you know the man well enough to know he’s not upset. He’s just been thinking. When you turn to face him in the kitchen, his bottom lip is pink, like he’s been biting at it, and his brows are slightly furrowed. But his eyes are soft. Warm.

He leans on the island, hands splayed against the granite. He’s studying you. You wrack your brain for what you might’ve said earlier to make him spiral like this. Was it the chilli you asked for the recipe for, or the team you decided to cheer for? Was it your comment about the summer in Switzerland, how you missed it already? Was it-

“You were in the kitchen,” he says. “You were helping feed the baby.”

You blink, your heart fluttering slightly. It’d been one of his teammates’ wives, and she’d been trying to juggle the baby and her toddler, trying to soothe both of them. You’d offered to help, willingly tucked the baby into your arms and gave them a bottle. She’d smiled at you, eyes alight with mischief.

“You’re a natural,” she’d said. “You want one of your own someday?”

You’d nodded, without even thinking about it. “Someday,” you’d agreed. “Nico would make such a good dad. Especially with the mustache, my god.”

She’d laughed. You had, too. And then you’d moved on. You hadn’t even realized Nico had heard it.

“You were eavesdropping,” you tease, gently.

He grins sheepishly. “You looked pretty. With the baby.”

He’s treading lightly. You are, too.

“Had to try and match your DILF energy,” you tell him. When he cocks his head, you continue. “You know. Dad I’d like to-“

“I know,” he interrupts, his cheeks going pink. “You- I… you meant it, though?”

You blink. “Yeah, Neeks. We’ve talked about that, remember? Said we were both open to kids, eventually.”

He nods, swallows. “Yeah. In general. We- when we talked it was so… early. But today you said-“

He pauses. You take a good look at him- really look. The flush on his cheeks, the spread of his palms against the counter. His dark, wide eyes. And suddenly, you think you know.

“Today I said you’d make a good dad,” you fill in, and he blinks, slowly. “Especially with the mustache.”

He rumbles out a laugh, his thumb rubbing against the counter. You push yourself away from your spot and round the island, so you’re within arms reach of him. You can practically feel the heat radiating off his body. Warm like a sunny afternoon.

“I meant it,” you add. His shoulders shake, almost imperceptibly. “Did you like that, baby?”

His eyelids flutter, lashes tangling against his cheeks. “I like you.”

He’s deflecting. You laugh, and without any real effort, you slip under his arm to stand between him and the counter. He’s bracketing you in now, one arm on each side, staring down at you. You can feel the rise and fall of his chest with every breath. You can feel the weight of his gaze. You can feel the tension rolling off of him- good tension. Like a late summer storm, waiting to break.

You reach up and wind your hands around his neck. He shivers, then repeats the motion when you toy with the ends of his hair where they brush against his neck.

“You can tell me anything, you know,” you say. “I wanna know.”

He leans forward and brushes a chaste kiss to your forehead before he speaks. “I liked it. You saying that.”

You hum and tug on his hair, just slightly. “Yeah?”

He swallows and nods. “Yeah. Maybe a little too much. I mean. I know, someday, you know. Now isn’t the time for… for a baby. But…”

You can feel your face grow warm, feel your own pupils grow wide, feel the way you’re leaning into him already. The tension crackles underneath your skin.

“There’s always time to… practice,” you tell him.

That seems to be all the permission he needs, really. His hands fly from the counter to your hips, cold from the granite but warming up quickly. He leans down to capture your mouth in a heady kiss, one that has you feeling desperate within seconds. He presses you close against the island, then presses himself close to you, close enough that you can feel how hard he is underneath his sweatpants. You gasp against his lips, and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, hot and insistent and needy.

His hands on your hips slip lower, lower, lower, until he’s cupping your ass, hauling you up and away from the counter. You squeal against his lips when he lifts you up, pulling at your legs to wrap around his waist. It changes the angle, lifts your head higher than his, and you cup his face in your hands to kiss him again, relishing in the soft groan he lets out.

He carries you to the bedroom by memory alone, and you bite back a laugh when he bumps into the wall slightly on the way. You’re not laughing much longer, though, when he stumbles his way to the bed and tosses you down onto it. You yelp, landing with a slight bounce, eyes suddenly wide open as you stare up at him. His shoulders are heaving, eyes wild, mustache sitting proudly above his kiss reddened lips. He’s hesitating.

You reach for the hem of your shirt. “You’re gonna make a hot dad, you know. Mustache and all.”

The groan he lets out is deep and ragged. He lurches towards the bed to lean over you, his hands braced on either side of your head. You grin up at him, happily. He has a smirk on his lips when he reaches down and rips your hands away from the hem of your shirt, pinning them above your head easily, both wrists between one hand. You sigh, flutter your eyelashes at him, and arch your back towards him.

“Let me,” he says. “Let me take care of you.”

You shudder beneath him as the smirk turns to a full on grin. He keeps your hands pinned above your head, but his other hand skates down your body, replacing yours at the hem of your shirt. He toys with the fabric before he slips his hand underneath to brush over your skin. His hands are heated, now, as he shoves the shirt up your body, leaving you exposed to him. You feel yourself growing hazier.

“You take good care of me, always,” you tell him, grinning up at him. “Gonna take such good care of us.”

He groans at that, a guttural sound that has fire licking up your spine. You whine, squirming on the bed beneath him, trying to reach for him, to hold on, to pull him close. He lets out a laugh, keeps your hands pinned, and his other hand slips over to lay flat against your stomach. He holds you down against the bed. Your breath hitches.

“Gonna feel me right here,” he says- promises. “Gonna make you mine.”

He gets your clothes off quickly after that. His clothes follow yours into a pile on the floor. The moment of distraction lets you shift on the bed, wiggling your way up towards the pillows. You roll over, half onto your stomach, reaching towards the headboard to pull yourself farther. Nico doesn’t seem to like that- his hands land on your now bare hips, and he yanks, leaving you yelping and giggling as he pulls you back down towards the end of the bed. There’s laughter on his lips when he finds you again, when he climbs up onto the mattress with you, when he engulfs you, his lips meeting yours again, hot and wet and intoxicating.

He’s more rushed than usual, more frantic. His hand slips between your legs to cup your cunt, groaning at what he finds there. You know you’re soaked- how could you not be, when he looks like that and talks like that and kisses you like that. His fingers drift toward your center, his thumb brushing against your clit, and you whine. You reach up to hold onto him, your hands clawing at his shoulders as he teases you.

“Just want you to fuck me,” you admit, voice high and breathy. “C’mon, Nico-“

“Jesus,” he mutters, dragging his lips against your jaw, his mustache scraping against your skin. “Gonna be the death of me.”

He takes his time, touching you until you’re a whining mess beneath him. When he finally gives in, finally takes his cock in his hand and leans close, you’re practically begging him for it. You can see the way his lashes flutter against his cheeks- he’s feeling it too. He brushes the head of his cock over your center and chews on his bottom lip. The noise he lets out when he sinks into you is close to a sigh. Like he’s relieved. When you look up at him through half lidded eyes, he’s watching you. Watching your face. His brow ticks, and you wonder what he sees there. If he can see the way you’re already falling apart.

He splays his hand across your stomach again- you whimper and squirm beneath him, if only to test the way he’s pinning you down. He sighs, again.

“You take me so well,” he coos.

You keen, your eyelids fluttering shut at the words. When he bottoms out, you hear the groan that leaves his lips, and then you feel it when he ducks his head to mouth at your collarbone. He stays put for a moment, the stubble on his jaw brushing against the sensitive skin of your chest.

Then, he starts to rock his hips, and along with that, he starts to run his mouth.

Nico’s always been a talker, at least towards you- outside of bed and in bed. It’s one of your favorite things about him. On a bad day, he can take your mind off things with a long winded ramble. In bed, he can keep up a running commentary of dirty talk that sends you careening towards the edge far faster than you ever have. But if you’d thought it was something good before, now…

“That’s a good girl,” he groans, grinding against you on the end of a roll of his hips. “Gonna take me so well, huh? Gonna let me fill you up, yeah?”

You cry out beneath him on the next thrust, arching off the bed again, trying to wrap your legs around his waist to keep him there. It’s no use. He keeps you pinned, his hand pressing into your thigh to hold you open for him, his other hand still pressed against your stomach.

“Fuck,” he mutters, panting openly against your chest. “Oh, fuck. Good girl. So good for me.”

You reach up and bury your fingers in his hair, to tug and pull and hold. He groans, again, rolling his hips against yours slowly. You pull, again, with a whine.

“Please,” you mumble, into the open air above you. “Need it, Nico.”

He huffs. And then he really starts to talk, punctuating his sentences with lazy but pointed rolls of his hips. He tells you how good you looked that day, how you’d made his imagination run wild. He tells you how he pictured this. He tells you how someday, he’s going to have you like this for real, take you like this over and over again until it works, until you make him a dad. He cradles your face in his palm and kisses you, lets his hand slip down to hold your throat, and tells you how good you’ll look when he’s finished with you, when he’s left his mark.

You don’t realize the repeated pleas that hang in the air are coming from you until he’s shushing you, gently.

“Please what, baby?” He asks, voice soft and sweet, bordering on patronizing. “Tell me what you need, anything you need.”

He rolls his hips again, shuddering when he presses deep. You bite back a wail, your skin on fire. Your hands have found anchor points now, one twisted in the duvet beneath you, the other clinging to his shoulder, sure to leave marks there. The same way he’s going to leave marks on you. The way he’s going to bury himself deep and come inside of you and-

“Please, Nico,” you cry out, cherishing the way his breath stutters in his chest. “I need it. Need you. Need you to fuck me and fill me up and take me- any way you want, just- please, please-“

He smothers the rest of your words with another kiss. You whine into his mouth, let his tongue twist against yours as you melt into the bed. And, as he’d said, he does exactly as you asked. His thrusts pick up speed, pick up intensity, pick up a new edge. He plants his hands beside your head and takes. When he breaks the kiss, gasping for air against your cheek, you open your eyes to look up at him. His pupils are dark and wide, a feral grin on his lips.

You can feel it coming, can feel yourself teetering on the edge. “Oh, Nico,” you whine.

“I’ve got you,” he promises.

He reaches for one of your hands and pulls it to your stomach. He presses his hand over the back of yours, using your own palm to pin you to the bed. You choke on your next breath-it all feels so intense, so heady, so overwhelming.

“Gonna fill you up,” he promises through a groan. “nd then m’gonna do it again. And again. As many times as it takes. And you’re gonna be good for me, aren’t you-“

“Nico,” you gasp,clinging tightly to him. “M’gonna-“

“I know,” he coos. “Just let go, baby. M’right there with you, just-“

When you come around him, he buries himself deep and follows suit. The coil snaps for both of you, and the air is filled with a mix of your sounds. The shockwaves of your orgasm roll through you, and you can feel him coming deep inside you, pulsing and twitching, the way he promised he would, while your vision goes white.

You collapse back onto the bed, utterly spent. He follows quickly after, blanketing you with his body, his face buried in your neck. Your ears ring, loudly, and leftover stars dance in your vision. When you finally come back around, you realize he’s mumbling words into your skin. A mix of English and Swiss German, barely coherent-

“So good for me, schatz, so- verdammte hölle. Take me so well. My good girl. Gonna knock you up. Someday. Someday I’ll do this for real. Eines tages, baby.”

“Nico,” you gasp out, again, and he lifts his head, resting his chin against your collarbone, atop his hand.

“There she is,” he says. “You okay?”

You nod frantically. “So good. That was so good.”

He nods in agreement and rests his cheek against his hand, blinking up at you softly. “It’s like your song.”

You blink, frowning at him. “Huh? My song?”

He nods, drumming his fingers against your collarbone. “You know. The Sabrina one. I might let you make me Juno. That song.”

You blink wildly, your heart twisting, squirming beneath him. Because yeah, you know the song. The one about being so in love you’d let him get you pregnant. One of me is cute, but two though? You’ve had it stuck in your head for days, have been humming it nearly nonstop. Of course he noticed.

“I would, you know,” you tell him. “I’d let you.”

He rumbles out a laugh, eyelids fluttering against his cheeks again. “Good. Stop squirming. Stay put. Gotta make sure it takes.”

You shiver. “Nico.”

You know he knows you’re on birth control. You know he’s not really being serious. But god, it’s hot to think about it. To hear him say it. To feel him pin you to the bed with one hand, his other hiking your leg over his hip.

In response, he rolls his hips against yours, still buried inside of you. You quiver, your hands flying up to his shoulders, nails already scraping at his skin.

“Nico,” you sigh, though you have a feeling it’s no use. “S’too much. Can’t.”

He hums against your collarbone and repeats the motion. Then he reaches up, grabs your wrists, and pulls them down against the bed. He intertwines his fingers with yours, hands next to your head.

“Yes, you can,” he says. “You always take me so well, you can give me one more.”

You whine, but you’re nodding, too.

“Someday,” he adds. “I’ll do this for real. And I’ll do it over and over until it works. M’never gonna get enough of you. Could never get enough.”

You whine his name again. He shushes you, soft and warm.

“I’ve got you,” he says. “Always do, always will.“

His thrusts are lazy, rhythmless. He’s in no hurry this time. He’s got all the time he wants. You melt into the bed and dream of someday.

…..

a/n: thank you for reading! come scream about mustache!nico with me in the inbox!

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How I hop onto Ao3 after every act of Arcane. Save me fix it fics!