#not 100% happy with his face but this is just a quick doodle!!!!!!!!!! so its ok

[esaari]

new hair, new Alek doodle + ootd

[acroagoraphobe]

Hi! ❤️

How do you think the companions romanced or not (and Maxson) will react if you give them a portrait of themselves that you drew?) maybe Sole is artist or smth like that)

OOoooo good Idea!

(Im not the best with *all* the characters, but im tryin here!)

Because I mainly Write for like just deacon and a few others, also I did it in my usual format so I hope that's good enough!

(Also I did both romanced and non-romanced because HEHEHEHEHEH also non romanced is assumed Sole reached Idolized with them.)

Cait:

(I don't know that much about Cait, so I'm trying my best [: )

Non-romanced:

Would probably be irritated, but also flattered

"What're ye given me that for?"

Secretly thinks thats pretty nice but she's not telling Sole that.

Romanced:

Would be a bit more appreciative of it openly, but still act tough about it.

"Its alroight, eyh guess-"

Would probably fold it up and secretly keep it stashed in her corset or something.

But if anyone asks she never had it.

She sneakily gives Sole a quick smooch on the cheek.

Maccready:

(Idk that much about him but Ik he's a dork)

Non-Romanced:

"Oh that's pretty cool-"

Probably hasn't had a friend draw him before.

Probably pretty impressed because I think he likes to doodle too.

Romanced:

Probably would ask for more drawings after he sees that.

Like a drawing of him and Duncan

Keeps that drawing in his pocket, happily.

Smiles like an idiot, then gives Sole a little kiss.

Danse:

Non-Romanced:

"What is the purpose of this, soldier?"

Genuinely confused on why they drew him, Is it because they're just practicing their drawing? Is it a symbol of affection?

He would be critiquing the details and where Sole can improve, even if they didn't ask him to.

But thats just him showing he's interested in Sole's improvement.

Romanced:

"Oh, Thank you. This is a rather detailed depiction of my likeness."

He would be more invested in Sole's improvement if romanced, 100%.

Keeps that drawing in a nice safe place, he doesn't want it to get lost.

When he realizes it's actually like.. a sign of affection, he's got a big ass smile on his face.

Deacon:

Non-Romanced:

"Guessing you like my face then, huh? Don't get too attached it though!"

Actually very flattered that he's being drawn and not just on wanted posters because he goofed off too much.

Pretends to throw it away, but actually sticks it in his pocket.

Romanced:

"Damn, you must realllyy love my face then, huh?"

Trying so hard to not giggle like an idiot at that moment.

Smiling like a dork, big goofy grin.

Maybe blushing a little bit, but definitely trying to hide it.

Hancock:

Non-Romanced:

"Suprised you got my ugly mug is so much detail heh-"

Taking a nice good look at it, definitely putting it on the wall later.

Where everyone can see it, like a public buletin board.

Romanced:

Sole's 100% getting a big ol' kiss from him for this.

Still putting it on a public buletin board but will like publicly announce that theres a cool-ass drawing of him done by his partner on the bulletin.

"Thanks, Sunshine. Looks just like me-"

Piper

Non-Romanced:

"Thanks Blue! This looks great!"

Putting it on her wall next to her terminal.

Really appreciates it, she might even consider getting Sole to make illustrations for the Publick.

Romanced:

"Aww, Thanks Blue! I love it!"

Sole's getting a smooch on the cheek for this.

She's definitely showing it to Nick and her sister.

Nick Valentine:

Non-Romanced:

"Huh. Thanks kid, looks great."

Would probably get lost in his files and papers.

But he still appreciates that Sole took the time to draw him.

"Maybe you can take the time to make some wanted posters. The ones around here ain't the best".

Romanced:

He's putting it on the wall, immediately. Right over his desk.

"Thanks, Sweetheart, I love it."

Really happy Sole took the time to draw a beat up old Synth like him.

Longfellow:

Non-Romanced:

"Huh? Whatcha draw me for?"

Doesn't really think it's worth the effort for Sole to draw him.

But he's flattered. Probably keeps it on a table in his cabin somwhere.

Curie:

Non-Romanced:

"Oh thank you! Zis is very nice of you!"

Puts it in with her medical notes, folded up and paperclipped in the folder.

Big ol' smile.

Romanced:

About the same, But gives Sole a sweet little kiss on the cheek.

Codsworth:

Non-Romanced:

"Thank you Sir/Miss, I shall treasure this drawing always!"

Doesn't have a place to put it really, so he just kinda holds onto it for a while and maybe puts it with his cleaning supplies.

X6-88:

Non-Romanced:

"I do not understand why you would draw me, Sir/Ma'am."

Really doesn't get it.

Even if sole explains that it was a sign of affection and appreciation.

He really tries to understand why, but logically it doesn't make sense to him.

Romanced:

Still doesn't really get it, but he's trying his best.

"Thank you, Sir/Ma'am."

Keeps it in his pocket anyways.

Very tiny little smile.

Preston:

Non-Romanced:

"Thank you General, This is really nice of you-"

Keeps it in his coat pocket happily.

Big ol' smile on his face.

Blushing a bit that Sole took time and effort to draw him in such detail.

Romanced:

"Oh wow, Thanks babe!"

Sole is getting a smooch, right on the lips (:

Gage:

Non-Romanced:

"What the hell, boss. Why'd ya waste yer time on that?"

Throws it away, he's a raider, ain't got time for sappy touchy-feely shit.

"Tough shit boss, suck it up." when Sole gets mad at him for throwing it away.

Romanced:

Same kinda reaction, but he picks it up outta the trash later and sticks it in his pocket.

Ada:

Non-Romanced:

"Oh. Thank you. This is rather nice."

Doesn't have anywhere to keep it, so Sold holds onto it for her.

Maxson:

Non-Romanced:

"Well, Soldier. That does catch my likeness very well, doesn't it?"

Cocky bastard about it, but in a "Im your elder" way.

Thats getting put into his man diary (That he 100% has because I said so.)

Romanced:

"Well, that is very nice.. Thank you Soldier-"

Puts it into his pocket for later, with a smile on his face that goes away once he walks away from Sole, because it's serious time now.

[bookwyrminspiration]

hello my lovely loveliest dearest favorite quil <333 I have finally actually returned with a slight rebrand and many tales to tell.

How are you bestie!!! I missed you So SO much and it's literally so rude that I can't send you all of the things that make me think of you. Like I swear my partner is gonna be jealous at this point because I'm literally like omg I literally need to show this to quil. It is a necessity. (If you're wondering it was a hoodie that had the classic university logo and said Silly Goose University and I decided that we needed them to match with our friendship bracelets.)

Anyway I am eyeing your new writing up very very closely and am itching to go to Ao3 and read ALL of it. (The urge is quite strong now that I have started Thinking about it, however this ask is taking long enough bc I have to take Wiggle™ breaks because holy bestie I am SO happy to talk to you once again.)

Speaking of your writing I was struck with the most incredible fantastic amazing art idea after looking at some of my old wings AU doodles. However, my drawing tablet went through the shredder (<- Puppy) I have to WAIT. To give the full idea justice but trust me bestie I'm so excited to show it to you.

Anyway I've been extra ramble-y but HI HOW ARE YOU I MISSED YOU WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

I'd love all of your thoughts and feelings and I miss you and ily and I'm so happy like I kid you not this ask has taken. So much effort because I cannot sit still writing this to you. I have. The Dumbest Smile on my face. <3333333

(Please note that this ask is meant to be read as if I am laying on your bed kicking my feet in the air while excitedly talking, thank you 😌)

TOBI!!!! I was just thinking about you the other day!! My dad and I were watching Labyrinth for the first time in a while, and when I realized the baby's name was Toby (i'd forgotten) I just went...ah..Tobi...I hope he's doing well...

I'm doing alright! I've been very busy this semester, and we are approaching finals so it's probably only going to get busier soon. But! This has been my first semester mostly in person in a very long time! And I'm officially fully in uni rather than dual credit, so I'm somewhere else now and have met SO many people. Actually am planning to meet up with one of them tomorrow to go to a restaurant/museum for class! And to watch a few movies with two others sometime soon.

lots of reflections on that because relationships of all kinds have been. rather difficult my whole life, so we'll see what happens here! also would 100% wear some silly goose university hoodies with you <3. move aside tobi's partner I need to glue BOTH of his hands to mine. forever

Also!! If you read my fics I'll love you forever and ever and ever even more. This new titz one has been sitting for several months, but I finally pulled it back out! And I am rather nervous about it because Fitz and Tam are both particular characters, and so combining them just makes them even harder to write. and THEN! throwing in Fitz's Alvar feelings makes that EVEN MORE difficult. but! it was also an absolute delight to work on so I hope you like it :)

and holy shit wings au art!!! i trust you so much I am so excited to see it--and don't worry about however long it takes! wings au is years in the writing, i've got experience with patience. wait btw, I don't know if you're aware, but I'm attempting to post the epilogue soon! I have the rough draft and the anniversary is coming up, so I'm hoping to have it edited to post on the ending's anniversary. it's a little over a week away, but also finals are descending AND its nano, so we'll see what happens. it WILL be out by the end of the year for certain though (and during october I went through and re-edited the whole thing for grammar and details--it's ridiculous how many its it's mistakes there were because i KNEW the difference. i'd just autopilot do one or the other and not catch it in my quick edits)

I keep pausing to do little claps and stim because. tobi!!! it's so so cruel we can't lay in bed kicking our feet together, i have missed you so so so much! what has been up with YOU? how has your life been? what's up with the blog migration--if you want to talk about it. also totally cool to simply accept it and move on. i just like talking to you and it's very nice to see you again :)

[no-not-without-you-blog]

Whumptember 29th: Losing Something

Prompt by @comfortcap Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Photo Edit by @nixakimbo

You sat down on the couch in your new apartment, exhausted from the full day of moving, but happy that most things were now in their place. Bucky was putting a few things away in the bedroom while you were about to order some takeout. Bucky walked down the hall and came to stand in the living room.

“Sweetheart, have you seen a wooden box? It’s like this big.” He held out his hands, motioning the size of the smaller box, smaller than a size of paper but quite a bit taller.

You shook your head. “No, sorry baby.”

He cursed under his breath, anxiously running his hands through his hair, and walked back down the hall quickly, seemingly more panicked at the loss of the box. “What’s in it baby, I can help look.”

“Nothing, just…just don’t worry about it. I’ll find it.” He closed the bedroom door and you heard him shuffling through boxes again. If it was bothering him that much, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a second set of eyes looking for it. You stood up and decided to go look in your office/studio space. You were a painter and childrens book illustrator. You had been able to get a 2 bedroom apartment and Bucky insisted that you needed your own studio space. You were excited to have the space. It had a large window with soft natural light.

You walked into the space and looked around for where it may be. You hadn’t unpacked much in here yet so you started to move some canvases and boxes of paints around. After about ten minutes of looking around, you just had the closet to go through. The first few boxes were just more art supplies but the box on the bottom was labeled for the bedroom and had been mistakenly placed in there. You pulled it out to the middle of the room and pulled the tape off. Sitting right there at the top of the box was the small wooden box he was looking for.

“Buck! I think I found it!” You yelled down the hall and heard him setting down what he was searching through. Curiosity took over and you pulled the box out and sat down on the floor. As you were opening the lid, Bucky walked in and saw that you were holding it. 

“Baby, wait!” But it was too late. You had already opened it enough to see what was in it. Inside was a stack of random scraps of paper, some bigger than others, but they all had something in common. Each one bore a doodle that you had made for him. There must have been over 100 of these small quick sketches. Right on top was one that you recognized. It had been the one that you had first drawn for him. You were both sitting on the subway and you were trying to get out of a drawing stump. Sitting right across from you was this gorgeous man who was engrossed in whatever book it was that he was reading. Inspiration struck and you quickly sketched him, his long hair tucked behind one ear, his face fully enraptured in his novel. You were terrified to do it, but when you had finished the drawing, you walked over to him and stood in front of him. As he looked up at you, you thought your heart was going to claw its way out of your chest. You offered him the drawing and he was so shocked and impressed with it, he asked you out for coffee as payment. The rest was history.

The fact that he had kept so many, if not all, of the little sketches that you had so casually drawn for him over the past year was enough to make most people fall to pieces. For those who wouldn’t have teared up for that, would have for the presence of the ring box right next to them. 

“I was going to wait till Christmas. I had a whole plan to put all the sketches in an album and give it to you. But honestly, I have had to stop myself from asking you every day since I bought the ring.”

You were crying at this point and he went to sit on the floor behind you, his arms wrapping around you. 

“If you want me to get down on one knee, I will. But we’ve never been real traditional. I will say this. That moment you handed me that first sketch was the best day of my life. I was having such a shitty day and all of the sudden there was this angel standing in front of me and she handed me this little drawing of myself. My whole world shifted in that moment and it’s never gone back.”

He pulled the ring box out of the larger box and held it in front of both of you. He audibly swallowed and opened it to reveal a simple but slightly vintage inspired ring. Your breath caught and you bit your lip. His words revealed that he was nervous and had started to choke up slightly.

“The truth is, I don’t want my world to shift back. Having you in my life has been the best thing I could ever ask for. And I didn’t even have to ask for it. You gave me your love willingly and without reservation. But I do have to ask you this now. You gave me your heart, but will you also give me your life? Will you give me your good days and your bad ones? Will you give me your midnight dance parties and your days filled with tears and heartache? Because I want it all, baby. I want to be here for the ups and the downs. I want to watch you grow old and I want to help you put your socks and shoes on when you can’t bend down anymore. I want to have babies with you and watch them grow up. 

So, I’ll ask you now. Will you give me your heart to hold onto forever? Because I don’t think I could give it up for any time shorter than forever.”

You were sobbing at this point. Not a cute, gentle cry, but full on ugly crying. You could barely get a word out as you nodded your head and choked out. He let out a breath of relief and kissed the side of your head. You spun around in his arms and wrapped your legs around him. Your hands went to both sides of his face and you kissed him fiercely. After a few moments he pulled away slightly, showing that you were both now crying. He pulled the ring out of the box and carefully placed it on your finger. 

“I love you.” He said to you as his fingers ran gently over your now adorned finger.

“I love you too. Always.”

Taglist:

@annasrefuge @chrisevansdaughter 

[thecoolsquirrel]

Cradlesona

Cradlesona #2

Credits to @lovingsiriusoswald ~!

Basic Knowledge

Name: Kat, soon to be silver/6 of spades

Birthday: 4/20

Age: 27

Height: 5′7 or 174cm

Physical appearance :

Hair: black,thigh length hair, usually tied up in on thick braid,

Eyes:Black

Skin: Tan skin,

Accessories:

An engagement ring on her finger, blue rectangle hair clips, heart shaped golden earrings, a gun holster

Social:

personality: Bold, a flirt, is a 100% straight but would 100% pin a close girl friend, actually really insecure it usually shows when she starts making jokes, sarcastic, blunt, once she starts becoming better friends with someone her awful jokes/sarcasm starts showing

Affliction: Her dad built her a little house next to his, would move once mousie and mousse get married, was going to live at the black army hq but multiple times was called out for wanting to stay at a place with mostly guys

Relationships:

Mousse altas: Oh boy, they argue a bunch of mousie, though kat believes that they could actually be friends, and that he can protect her, but just to get under his skin she bickers with him, would totally threaten anyone who talks bad about mousse though just cause hes mousies fiance, they actually once got into a heated fight and kat yelled at him differently then how she usually does earning a slap from mousie (thats gonna be a comic/fanfic tho) also laughs at how shes like a couple inches taller then him 

Mousie altas: BEST FRIEND OMG I LOVE YOU, ehem, she loves her and would die for her, loves all her treats, and if she doesnt she still eats them but doesnt ask for seconds, brings snacks over all the damn time, compliments everywhere,likes picking her up, she honestly cried when mousie said she was engaged (out of happy tears maybe?) *kat holding someone from the collar* "kat all they said was i looked like a kid.." "EXACTLY" after a fight (wich happens every blue moon) mousie finds kat at a bar and has to pick her up "LITTLE MOUUUSEE~!"  "hm?.." "IM SO SORRY FOR YELLING AT YOU CAN YOU FORGIVE ME PLEASE?" when they were at school kat was into lots of sports and whenever she lost mousie would be there to comfort her, i would say ranting buddies but more like kat rants and mousie listens

Harr silver: "damn" met him on one of those days mousie and herself got into a argument, kat went out into the forest to train were she found it starting to rain, her wanting to go back to hq she left, CRAP, lost, loki found her blah blah blah "hey wanna stay with me?" "not really-" "..." " i see that you wernt ASKING" but then saw harr and almost fell on her face "OH-" one of their convos, "who are you?" "uhh kat whatever your last name is" "!" "NO REGRETS" they didnt see each other for a bit after that but once saw him again to fight amon and noticed that he knew sirius, went up to sirius the next day like "dude i didnt know you had friends outside the army, ANYWAYS WHO IS HE?" honestly blessed sirius for being her wingman after the battle with amon but DIDNT LIKE SIRIUS when harr and she was actually dating and he would try to give him pick up lines or somethin, this boy, she flirts with him a whole bunch, she acts all smooth about it and stuff but once shes done with like two sentences she makes weird giddy noises with her face red matching harrs, harr does anything "YOUR DOING GREAT SWEETIE" harr once made her a flower crown and she may or totally did cry, took her a little bit to say i love you like mousie she wanted it to be romantic and jazz but she probably said it while huggin him like "i love you so much" they both froze loki"OMG IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO SAY IT OM-" totally knew when he was proposing cause of either loki and also how can you not he asked her out for a date and he was fidgiting for every second of it, THEY BOTH CRIED WHEN HE PROPOSED, the next day  SHE NYOOMED OVER TO HER BROTHER BUT COULDNT GET A SINGLE DANG WORD OUT SO SHE KINDA WAS JUST THERE FACE RED TEARS STREAKING DOWN LIKE "ISAFEFYOUAINTKGOLSAFNANDHE DIKFILOVEEE HIMOGSG"

Loki: "oh hes kinda clingy but i guess hes kinda neet" after noticing that hes basically harrs son "OH F ME" kinda warmed up to him one day when she was laying with harr sge kinda was just like " your son- i mean loki is a constant on heat cat" loud coughing Red Army:

Blanc: "hey can i have an other slice of the carrot cake its really good!" blanc"????" oliver".... she cant visit no more" boom thats their relationship

Lancelot kingsley: After all that she and it was actuallly amon who was behind everything her reacting kinda was like "oh dang, OK COME HERE LET ME SHOW SOME LOVE" honestly just wants to be friends with him from all the burdens he had are they friends now? "more like acquaintances but im working on it!, sirius and sometimes harr are helping me on trying to help him open up"

Jonah clemence: ok so if she was going to try friending lance shes gonna HAVE to be on the good side with jonah, brought him macaroons from mousies cafe and told him she knows luka and so that was a good start, she sometimes gifts him lukas desserts. are they friends? "i would like to believe so! his tsun side is kinda, something, but when he actually lets those walls fall hes quite nice! right now were trying to get luka talk to him"

Edgar bright: "SKETCHY" shoot hes sketchy little thing but he HAS TREATS, likes his ducks, but honestly think hes really awesome with sword fighting, she asked luka about him and he said that hes "aright" so she takes his word for it are they friends? "yes?"

Kyle ash: asked if he can teach her some basic stuff for dressing wounds, noticed hes also a light weight YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, two drunks being dragged from the collar out of the bar and just laying out infront of the bar like rats, totally calls him out for him saying "Eat healthy" but then he drinks, tried picking him up it actually worked! are they friends?: "HECK YA HES COOL!"

Zero: "ok what the heck happened to you so i know who to murder-" actually started to warm up to edgar when she noticed that he was friends with zero, asked if she can pick him up, it didnt work, asked if he can pick her up, DID WORK, when she was in the dumps cause mousie had work zero gave her a lolipop, ".. omg your a treasure too.." Zero"what?"

Black Army:

Ray blackwell: CAPE BUDDIES! actually really looks up to him and thinks hes super cool! she joined a a few months before him, totally talked to him like a kid but when he became king she kinda was like "Crap waIT WHAT?" asks (she begs) if he can take her when he sees the ally cats, they bond over the kats, though she finds it annoying when they shed on her black cape

Sirius oswald: "who ever thinks im kats dad raise your hand- KAT PUT YOUR HAND DOWN" they knew each other in school, or more like she saw him when they were in school and she just stared at his bangs that looked like they were cut with a lawn mower IMSORRY, shes either on his side defending him from the brats like a proud mother hen, or she is the brat, shes like "no thats not smart" next day shes doing that thing, sirius is on edge around her just cause she can turn on him whenever she feels like it either shes on his side or not lol

Luka clemence: thought he was a girl "wow your really pretty." turns out hes a guy " WOW YOUR A REALLY PRETTY GUY" took a while for them to actually become friends but they got there! praises his cooking/desserts like if its the best thing on this planet COUGH it is COUGH, she gets up around the same time as luka does just so she can make it to the hq on time for breakfast, sometimes asks if they can spar if she catches him training.

Seth hyde: "are you gay?" insert shocked seth face, he helps braid her hair since she cant get it right i mean SHE CANT SEE BEHIND HER HEAD, when she came home one day from a date with harr, harr braided in flowers and seth felt betrayed cause 1: why didnt he think of that and 2:" KAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO BRAID YOUR HAIR WHA" he picked her out some dresses she wants to wear them so badly but doesnt want to one day look like she has somewhere important to be when shes just going on to get fruit, and plus she usally just wears her uniform, tried picking him up, didnt work, he "tried" picking her up " SETH WHY AM I TOUCHING THE SEALING"

Fennir godspeed: "FENNIIIIRRRRR YOOO WHATS GOOD MY GUY" REALLY LIKES TALKING TO HIM, like an older brother to her, he was actually the one who gifted her the gun holster+ a pistol since she took interest in his duel ones, though she only got one since she has shaky hands and needs to hands to steady her hands, tells him hes chicken for not eating his tomatoes, he still doesnt eat them,

Family:(will go in more detail in fanfic or backstory) Parents, two older brothers, two younger sisters Parents: AWESOME, LOVES THEM A WHOLE BUNCH!? Oldest brother: they were kinda close at childhood but drifted away when getting older Second oldest brother: BEST FRIEND, tells him everything, actually joined the blackarmy cause he did youngest sisters:was and still kinda is jealous of them but got over it and trying to fix their relationship

Miscellaneous

Shes secretly really insecure and laughs it off, but is honestly week sometimes and just cries and so shes just smiling while crying and in her head shes just like "Ah yes here i am making everyone around me uncomfortable" is also a stress eater but mousie thinks shes just enjoying the sweets, got bullied as a kid and jokes about it, had lots of friends but then they just left half the time so shes used to quick friends, likes fruit, if you gift her a fruit salad she will probably cry if you cant tell already she crys alot , sometimes she annoys people that are her friends and feels like traasssh is such a light weight its not even funny, when she was younger she was like "oh ya im not going to be a light weight imma be like my dad!" first drink "DAAD IM A LIGHT HECK" 

Snippit of a backstory- TO BE CONTINUED

Quick doodles of mousie and kat

[harrybridgers]

Writing Self Evaluation 2018

i genuinely can’t believe it’s been another year and its time for another one of these things,,,,,,wth,,,,thanks so much to @pattern-pals and @iamasphodelknox​ for tagging me!! 

All answers should be about works published in 2018. (Skip any questions you don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can answer them if they want.)

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: five

2. Word count posted for the year: 185,552 (!!!!!!!!)

3. List of works published this year:

purple rain

dissolve

when the city shines (like the sun at night)

moon river

shelter as we go

4. Fandoms I wrote for: one direction

5. Pairings: larry + zarry

6. Story with the most…

Kudos / Bookmarks: when the city shines

Comments: when the city shines/shelter as we go

7. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

100% shelter as we go. that thing took me over a year to plan and write and i genuinely think it’s the peak of my writing in this fandom so far. it’s also filled me with the confidence to continue writing stories in that style and really just fucking go for it in terms of tackling big themes and things i’ve been apprehensive about touching before. i’m so proud of the characters and the setting and the story - it feels like a real milestone for me! honourable mention to dissolve, too, i love that fic with all my heart, it’s such a treasure and i can’t wait to work on more zarry fic in future. 

8. Work I’m least proud of (and why): 

when the city shines. i genuinely would delete it if it wasn’t so popular...ugh. looking back and reading over it, it just doesn’t feel like me. i still like it and i’m glad others have loved it, it just sticks out like a store thumb amongst everything else i’ve posted in terms of the quality. 

9. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

oooh no this is hard.....here have a few because i’m indecisive 

from dissolve:

“I don’t want to go to New York,” Harry said. “I hate it there. I want to go with you.”

“We can go another time,” Zayn said. “We can go whenever you like.”

“Right now?” Harry said, so softly. He finally looked over, and the vulnerability there was a kick to Zayn’s chest, made him reach out without thinking, to press a warm kiss to Harry’s forehead in a way he hadn’t before, cupping his cheeks in his palms and just kissing him there over and over, down along his brows and his temples and along his chin, tasting the salt of tears, his heart threatening to break through his ribs.

“I’ve already booked the flights,” Zayn said, lips pressed to Harry’s warm cheek. “We’ll stay at the Ritz. We’ll cruise on the Seine and I’ll take pictures of you on film and I’ll get them developed right there in Paris. We can pin them up on the windows and smoke on the balcony and I’ll get up before sunrise to bring you fresh croissants for breakfast. I’ll wake you up with my mouth on your cock–”

“Perfect,” Harry said, breathless as he laughed and cried all at once.

“We’ll walk around for so long that everybody forgets who we are. We’ll walk around for so long we forget ourselves. Just a little couple walking around in a big city. I’ll write our names on a lock and pin it to that bridge. I’d swallow the fucking key if you asked me to, Harry.”

He didn’t know what he was saying, just that he couldn’t stop, that he felt frantic and light-headed and flushed with heat from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes, and Harry was staring at him with this look in his eyes. Zayn brushed away another stray tear and tried not to shake, tried not to think about the way he’d just called them a couple, the way Harry kept staring.

They weren’t a couple. They were friends. They were friends who kissed and fucked and fucked each other up.

-

“I’m so sorry,” Harry says, and his voice hiccups, fingers wrung together. “There’s no way I could ever understand what you went through, because I never even asked. There’s no excuses for anything. I can only say that I’m sorry. Sorry that I didn’t ask you if you were okay as often as I should have, sorry that I just let you drift away without holding on. I’m sorry I never said anything until it was too late. I was selfish, and I loved you, and I didn’t want you to leave me behind.”

“Harry, stop,” Zayn chokes out. He can’t look, can hardly breathe. I loved you. I loved you. I loved you.

“No,” Harry says, chin lifted. “You have to know, because I didn’t tell you back then and it ruined everything. This is me trying to fix it.”

“It can’t be fixed.”

“Then we throw it away and start again,” Harry says fiercely, eyes shining. “I’d throw everything out the fucking window if it meant I could touch you one more time.”

from shelter as we go:

It’s sterile and cold inside. When he flicks on the light, he freezes.

There’s a mirror hanging above the old basin, and he catches sight of himself before he can duck his eyes away to the faded shower curtain or the faded tiles, the faded bath-mat, the faded towels. He’s confronted instead with the faded image of a person he hardly knows anymore, that he hasn’t known for a very long time. There aren’t any mirrors in the other house, and he can’t remember the last time he saw himself in anything that wasn’t the disfiguring glaze of a window, some type of shaded reflection, but he’s faced with it now.

He lets the door fall shut behind him, then approaches the vanity slowly, regarding himself like a stranger.

The gauntness is what startles him most, the sharp hollows of his cheekbones, the tired, sunken circles beneath his eyes, the sickly shadows that cling to his jaw. There was a time, when he first shot up and started to grow, that he’d been broad and lanky. Now, his frame is slight, collar bones protruding, shoulders thin and sharper than he remembers. Everything about him seems frail, and he hates that, he hates it so much that his lips curl up when he stares at his reflection, at his greasy hair and the purple shadows, at the man he doesn’t recognize, a man who still feels like that boy who never got to grow up the right way, the boy who was tiny and clung to his mother’s fingers with a vice grip, the boy that suddenly wasn’t allowed to be a boy anymore.

-

“You’re good at that.”

Harry pauses, fingers still looped in the fine little string. When he glances over, Louis has shifted slightly onto his back, watching with hooded eyes.

“At what?” Harry says.

“Taking care of other people,” Louis says.

Harry holds his breath, and he doesn’t say anything in return, can’t. Instead, he pulls the blinds firmly closed and stares at the dusty pane, the way the lamp casts shadows, the dewy honey they’re stuck in.

“‘S funny,” Louis says, a breathless, broken chuckle. “When we do that, y’know, care so much about someone else that we stop giving a shit about ourselves.”

-

He sits forward and tucks his hands under his thighs, gaze lowered. “I feel like we all have this fire in our bellies when we’re kids, this passion to explore things and get obsessed with these fantastical ideas. And to keep carrying that fire, to cradle it and keep it from going out, it’s hard, y’know. And even if you keep it burning the candles got to melt away some time. Nobody ever shows you how to replace the wick.”

Harry thinks of his own little flame, snubbed out before he even got a chance to play with the fire. There’s something that makes him so inexplicably sad, picturing that puff of smoke, the moment it dawns that there’s nothing left to keep the chest warm. He can’t pinpoint it now, but it washes over him slowly, this realization that he couldn’t nurture that flame, that Louis did everything he could to try and keep his own alight. It feels like an ending point, this transcendence between the fuzzy innocence of everything childhood is supposed to be, and the strange, brutal truths that start to overlap into a life whenever the world deems it time.

-

“You have to understand,” Louis says, pulling back now, hands on Harry’s lapels. “Everything about this town exists in a time capsule. In one big cycle. Nothing changes. And the people that try and make changes, that start to drift out of this perfect circle that’s been made, there’s no room for them. I was one of those people, Harry. I still am, despite everything. I should have just stayed in my place.”

“That’s not fair,” Harry says, however naive it may be, however superfluous a thing it is to say. His own hands find Louis’ coat, the two of them holding on to each other. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“But I do,” Louis says, eyes shiny. “I always will.”

They stare wordlessly at each other. Cape Breton is waking behind them, the low curl of the swell flushing up the beach, children playing in the sand as they watch the silhouettes of the trawlers through the spring mist. All of that feels far away right now, every familiar thing Harry’s come to know about this place like a vague memory as he looks at the hurt in Louis’ eyes and feels this strange sense of understanding wash over him, that flush of anger and frustration fading to something he’s felt before but couldn’t put a finger on, that very first night at the bar, standing out in the cold snow and not being able to say a word.

-

and in lieu of spoiling things, for those who have read it, that entire last bar scene and confrontation between louis, sully, and fergus is hands down i think the best/my favourite thing i’ve ever written!!

10. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

oh there are always so many....i truly get the sweetest and most heartfelt comments, they make me cry. there are a few comments on shelter as we go in particular that touched my heart completely.....so thoughtful and lovely

11. A time when writing was really, really hard: 

i fell into the hardest funk for the first half of the year. i was indecisive and uninspired with literally everything i did, i had so many wips i wanted to tear my hair out omg. then in the second half of the year, i was finishing my uni degree and honestly....was just so depressed lmao. i was in a terrible creative cycle and never wanted to get out of bed. 2018 has been the toughest mentally for me, it took a lot to get over certain things, and forcing myself to believe in my ideas and get a long fic done was no easy feat. 

12. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you: 

both fergus and sully from shelter as we go - they feel so layered and real to me even though they don’t have much actual scene presence within the story itself. they just kind of feel omnipresent to me, and the parts they’re involved in are, to me, the most important and symbolic parts of the fic itself. i’ve fallen in love with writing original characters thanks to those two. 

as for a scene, it would have to be the bar fight, again from shelter as we go. i was unsure if i’d be able to pull that off in the way that i wanted it to feel, but i’m honestly so proud of that entire scene and everything that follows. 

13. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

i think i’ve found my place and style. obviously writing is always changing and you grow as you go, but i honestly feel like i’ve found this part of myself that is holistically who i want to be as a writer - i know what i want to say, what i want my work to feel like, what i want my characters to portray. writing and finishing shelter as we go opened up this whole new world of possibilities to me, as did writing dissolve. i just have so much passion inside me at the moment and i cannot wait to get through the wips i’ve got going. 

14. How do you hope to grow next year: 

the next larry wip i have is the most ambitious thing i’ve ever attempted, so i really hope i can grow in the same way i did with shelter as we go, bridging fanfiction with original fiction and just giving it my all!! and also to write more zarry because i feel like in that genre i have this whole new voice to explore 

15. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer: 

my harrie gc babies!!! particularly liz + nina......love all of u

16. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: 

not to be cliche but shelter as we go honestly became this like....physical embodiment of my mental state and just needing to get so much shit out of there. i always channel my personal feelings into my writing but that was a big one. 

17. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

don’t attempt to write four 50k+ wips all at the same time. just don’t do it. 0/10 would recommend. side affects include poor mental stability and constant rage at the google docs app. 

18. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting or finishing in the new year: 

my new larry wip.....shits gonna be wild. also zarry because i love the angst

19. Tag writers whose answers you’d like to read: 

im gonna taaaaaag @this-onegoes and @crossnecklace ily guys

[tiffanymmull]

EPIC day.

Hey Fam! Happy Saturday! I wrapped up week number three of the F45 8-Week Challenge this morning with an EPIC Series Obstacle Race!

Our gym was invited to set up a tent for the day so, of course I jumped at the chance to get in on the action! This obstacle course was unlike any I have ever completed before in the sense there was minimal running, no water, and no mud! In total, it was just over two miles long making certain that each obstacle was back to back. It made for a short- yet super intense course and I loved it!

Most of the obstacles I was somewhat familiar with or had completed one similar in past races; however, when I came upon the keg carry, the kegs were filled with water instead of the usual sand, so to say it was demanding on the core is an understatement! It was a blast and a great (almost) midway point in the F45 challenge.

That face you make when you realize you're on the final lap :)

Fast forward to this afternoon, Wesley and I took the doodle to Floyd Lamb Park. It was finally back to a beautiful and sunny 48 degrees after two weeks of nothing but wind, rain and snow (hello, we live in Vegas).

Dudes- aka doodle, jack, poodle butt (the list goes on), absolutely loves going to the park. He is a playful pup with loads of energy, so to keep him from testing our patience, we make sure he gets lots of  play in during our down time. Our morning strolls have just recently turned into morning jogs. Jack ran his first mile earlier this week at a 12 minute pace!

As for this week's menu, food prep was in full effect. This was my second week preparing zoodles for lunch- they make for quick easy meals and I can eat a ton of them without a heaping amount of calories. I usually sauté them in a sprinkle of olive oil along with cherry tomatoes and chick peas.

Was everything 100% on track this week? No, it wasn't perfect. I skipped a day of workouts that were programmed because I just simply couldn't seem to find my motivation and today's post race meal was a vegetarian burger with a side of sweet potato fries. I'm not beating myself up over it, its just the way it goes sometimes.

I have yet to get on the scale, take measurements, or progress photos since day 1 of the challenge. I will track this progress at the halfway mark which will be the end of next week, week 4.

Cheers to an incredible week ahead at.....The Arnold 2019!!!

[80srockher]

Yuri on Ice Re-Watch and Live Commentary, Episode 8: Yuri vs Yuri! The Horror!! Rostelecom Cup, Short Program

All rise for the Theme of King JJ.

Run, Yurio.

Don’t snitch, Mila!

Your enthusiasm is cute but don’t injure the getaway driver, Yurio.

Gramps and his classic car, lol.

Also, I love pirozhkis. Gramps and I should be friends.

I wonder if Yurio told his grandfather of his impromptu trip to Japan before he left or if he sprung it on him when he got back to Russia.  Makes me wonder Gramps did Yurio a solid by purchasing the ticket in his own name.  Though, we’ll probably never know.

I can’t recall if I’ve heard Victor referred to as Russia’s national hero before now.  Adds an extra element to Yakov’s ire at his decision to skip the GP, IMO.

Victor.  Wearing sunglasses indoors and drinking coffee. At night.  Indeed, a man for all seasons.

So.  Vitya is talking up Yuri to the press and Yurio does not appreciate the partiality. 

This is, of course, in reference to Yuri.  The urge to deflect is strong within Victor.

Good job!

I’ve seen various speculations as to why Victor wouldn’t – or couldn’t – answer the reporter’s query. In my opinion, I think it’s just a matter of him being tired of giving the same response over and over, e.g., the Grand Prix’s not over so I haven’t committed…hard pass to Yurio!  

Well, you did want his attention, Yurio.

Victor’s “Sure, kid,” grin in this cap is gr9.

Aww, poor shy bb.

Ugh.  Mickey.  Not a fan.

However, aren’t you four or so years older than Emil, Sarah?  Surely, there’s someone a bit more age-appropriate. 

Well, obviously Sarah is friendly with YOU, Yuri.  

I like Sarah a lot, actually.  The women in this show are awesomely written.

Goddamn, Seung-gil. It’s either you or the 18 year-old at this point.  Help a sister out.

So stoic in the aftermath of that sick burn, lol.

Repeat after me, Yurio: You. Don’t.  Own.  Victor.

Honestly, there needs to be some sort of collective intervention with regards to this concept.

OMG, yes, Ep. 8 gives us the treasure that is JJ.  Can’t wait.

Just…. WTF are you doing, Seung Gil?

Also, Russian TV is listing Victor as a headliner and he’s not even competing, lol.

Oh, my.  As a basic straight, I don’t feel quite comfortable tossing the term “Queen” around.  Seung Gil is steadily creeping into that category for me, though.

Wowsa, JJ is tall.

LOL, poor Emil.  He’s the youngest competitor and so wants to hang out with the cool kids.  

Meanwhile, I’m going to pretend what Mickey is doing to Sarah here is an in-universe Italian thing.  Until I can’t anymore, of course.

Well.  Now I can’t, anymore.  That was quick.

Then adopt a pet, Mickey. Sarah’s not your property.

Well, that’s a relief.

Chekov’s steamed buns makes its first appearance.

All of Russia WILL NOT be competing with me for your attention today, boo.

Guess who has your national hero by the balls neck, Russia?

And later on tonight Japan is going to lay siege to Russia.  From the Southern border.  If you catch my drift.  Hehe. Heh.

Ahem.

Yuri’s internal monologue before this scene exposes his fear of ultimately losing Victor if he doesn’t perform well, while Victor actually thinks the pressure has lessened for Yuri.  Ugh, two clueless ships bumbling around each other in the night.

LOL.  This is so dramatic.  Kid is still only 15.

Their (super cute) reaction is a little confusing seeing as how Victor was telling the press just yesterday about having choreographed Yurio’s SP. 

Yuri breaks 100 points, again.  Woot!  Guess who’s also not afraid to show his love to Russia?  Gosh, these two.

They can’t contain their happiness and want to share it with their pal, Yurio.

Of course, Yurio mistakes their support for pity.  Ever considered they might enjoy your sparkling personality?

Didn’t cap, because I didn’t care to, but I’m still not feeling Agape even now.   It may be technically difficult but it just looks... not junior-ish, exactly, but certainly not mature enough for the Senior division, IMO.

JJ’s personality is even more “sparkling” than Yurio’s, lol.

They had the nerve, the audacity, the unmitigated gall to make this song so damn catchy.  You dared to go there, creators, and you succeeded.

However, the tramp stamp is just unforgivable.

Trust, I am singing along in spirit.

You charismatic bastard.

I blame Chekhov.

Poor Yuri looks just about shell-shocked right here.  What to do?

If you’re Yuri, you make the selfless choice for the man you love.

Makkachin is, of course, Victor’s beloved, longtime companion.  However, this scene (and consecutive ones in ep. 9) helped to convince me of Victor’s lack of close connections with a lot of people.  There isn’t anyone he can call on to keep track of this dire situation while he’s working in another country?  No one else that understands how much that dog means to him to potentially travel to Japan to be with Makkachin if worse comes to worse? If either of the above were applicable, then I think Yuri would justifiably request that Victor stay with him.  However, he must be intimately aware of Victor’s circumstances: that he’s been more or less a loner for a fair amount of time, at least.

Well, this expression is heartbreaking.  The man’s best friend is facing death and there’s nothing he can do. 

Thankfully, Yakov makes a timely entrance.

Yeah, the two caps are way similar, but I only did it for the text.  Observe Yakov’s smug excitement at the prospect of Victor returning. Dude misses Victor, but he’s shit at showing it.

Yakov misses Victor and despite everything, Victor still trusts Yakov.  Damn messy Russians.

Poor Yurio and his “Da fuck? I have to share a coach with the piggy again?” face.  LOL.

Aww, that little Makkachin doodle is so mean!

That ep. 9 “reunion” will more than make up for it, though. ;)

[youllneverknowmysecretidentity]

There’s a god in the mountains

I used to look at the world as something that revolves around me, people walked around me and disappeared from the worlds equation when I put them out of view, I forgot that 7 billion hearts are out there thinking the same as me. However, we are so small and insignificant. The woods hold ancient stories, sounds, and reasoning. I always loved the idea of woods but was never a keen outdoorsman. I stayed in my room pretending I was meant to be something bigger. The day I entered the woods was the day I realized I was minuscule and powerless. The day was hot, muggy, and sunny. Foliage was active and colored. I remember being lost from exposed nerves and emotions, I must have been like a signal beacon to every supernatural power in the region. I hated the radio, playing the same noise with no experimentation or variety, just the same sex drugs and heartbreak message over again. I felt sick as it reminded me of utter loneliness and how lost I was in mother nature’s cavernous being. I remember the feeling of reality being altered as I opened the car door and stared into the trail head. The woods itself seemed to expand when I tried to look further down the trail, ignoring the feeling I packed up and walked. No matter how relaxing the forest may seem to be or how ‘helpful’ it would be for me to get some fresh air as my mother and father put it. I couldn’t seem to make my mind silent, too many memories of my past Friday played in my head on what seemed to be the highest volume setting. Visions of my friends seemingly becoming more and more concerned, visions of a past lover and toxic words spewed to the masses, the feeling of utter loss. I was now alone, before, I was happy with my friends and family and then a past soul decided his own little world was more important and cost me a few friends and a few nights I could have been sleeping. The past week has been compiled of me barely talking at my practices and throwing myself into work. I honestly could not remember the last time I ate a proper meal or even bothered to function on anything other than caffeine and the occasional bummed smoke off of one of the few friends I had left. I still remember the concern laced on Lauren’s and Grady’s face as I shakily inhaled from the cigarette. Before I knew it, I was crying in the middle of the damn woods. I didn’t realize my wailing could be heard a mile away. This is where the world truly became bigger. First it was the noise, it usually is loud and constant in the forest but the forest silenced and became dead; strangely enough the silence was calming and shut down my mind for a beat. As I walked deeper i noticed the second sign, the air had a mix of metallic and floral smell, as if someone put honey suckle and jasmine on a pile of pennies. The third and final sign was the breathing, it sounded like a powerful gust of wind, but as it continued in beats and was felt on my back, I knew it was breath from a powerful set of lungs. I stopped mid walk, too paralyzed to turn around. Growing up I believed in ghosts, monsters, and anything that could be terrifying. I never thought I would ever encounter one however. The breathing soon became quieter and less heavy but still ever present and hot on my neck. At the moment I did not realize tears were still falling down my face and dripping on the ground. The breathing figure seemed to notice as I felt the breath fan down as if the head had turned to watch the ground. This movement gave me the courage to do a 180 and see my worst fear. What I saw changed my life forever. Behind me was a mixture of creatures, as tall as a grizzly bear but with the head of a lion, wings on an eagle, and black fur adorning its powerfully built body. I was shocked but the size and energy it gave off. It noticed me turn around and looked into my eyes, my soul changed in its holder, blue eyes with hints of forest green that held eternity behind them. My soul felt lifted with this creature, like we had both floated in an endless timeless eternity, but not lost; instead held and whole like I had found a missing piece in my puzzle. It tilted its head and watched me with almost innocent curiosity. The power it exuded was like none other, that moment I knew I was only a small variable in a big universe. I felt worthless compared to this creature. So I did what any sensible human does when threatened with harsh truth, I ran. I felt the earth tremble and heard a deafening roar, running was my only purpose as I outran probably every Olympic record in existence just to get to my car and home. Seeing the trailhead made me release a whimper of excitement. Unlocking my car and hopping in I sped down the old road to home before even checking for oncoming traffic. The drive home consisted of my wiping my never ending tears and nearly puking three times. But, the farther I got away from the creature, the more detached I felt from myself, as if I lost part of me. I blame the fear and adrenaline but boy was I in for a surprise later on. That night I was plagued with dreams of a dark and deep voice saying my name, a strong hand reaching and a flash of eagle feathers on a necklace. When I woke, I had felt more refreshed than having slept for 100 nights. The drive to school was filled with unclean paranoia and everytime I passed even the smallest patch of wood, I felt as if I was watched. Finally parking and getting out of my car, I was calmly slapped by reality. “Hannah!” I turned to see my beautiful friend Lauren and her boyfriend Grady walking along side the girl. I smiled my best smile and greeted her. “How was your weekend? Grady told me you went on a hike to clear your head, I hope you feel better last week was shit.” “I guess, the walk was okay I guess, I stopped having issues sleeping so maybe that’s a plus” Grady smiled and quipped back, “good cause you owe me a fuck ton of cigarettes.” Our group laughed and it was almost enough to drown the sound of tires squealing into the parking lot of a not so friendly car, Lauren looked back and scoffed “god I hope he never drove like that with you in the car” I shrugged and looked at the car, “we should get inside.” She nodded and we began our trek to class. I was lucky to have shared several periods with Grady that day and a lunch period with the both of them as well. During my TA I caught myself doodling the creature, too much emphasis on the eyes, too much power in those paws. I felt a dirty presence behind me and breath on my shoulder. “So, you done being a bitch about what I said?” I turned around to see C. C was an ex lover, my first true boyfriend, my first sexual encounter, and the reason I vowed to never wear rose colored glasses again. “I’m not being a bitch C, I’m just simply being human. You should try it sometime.” He scoffed and sat beside me, “look Hannah, I was simply giving you advice, you need it, look at you. Also, eventually you’re going to have to stop being so rude and actually act like we’re friends instead of bossing me around and giving me a cold shoulder.” I laughed a poisonous laugh and turned to him. “Funny, last time I checked, we’re not friends, you’re not my captain, and you act like a half wit child so I have every right to be the way I am!” I turned and packed my belongings quickly but before I could make it past the table he grabbed my arm and I looked down to him. Most people would describe him as a typical athletic teen boy, tall, scrawny, blond hair, blue eyes, and a fake arrogance clouding his teenage lust and insecurities. To make things worse he was ridiculously academically smart, which got to his head enormously. “Hannah, remember that night we broke up? I told you I still cared for you and valued your friendship, please don’t act like this. It’s making me look bad.” All the rage of the heavens filled me, I ripped my arm from his grip and got uncomfortably close, “good, it’s about damn time the world knew what a fuckin jack ass you are.” Speed walking out I managed to bump into Ava on the way through, unfortunately causing some things to spill from my bag including the sketches of the creature. She quickly picked up my things muttering quick apologies and looked at my drawings. “WOAH dude! These are so cool! That looks like that one creature I saw in a book!” I looked at her and opened my eyes wide,” from where?” “A book on like mystical beings and stuff, it’s pretty cool, I got it at home. That monster was honestly the coolest one.” “What kind of monster is it??” She thought for a minute and ran a hand through her bright pink hair, “it’s a he, and I think he was like a protector of something.” She offered me a smile and handed me my book, “well I was just curious, I saw him online and thought he was pretty so I sketched him.” “Oh cool dude, also are you okay you seem kinda frazzled, is it C again?” “I guess, I stood up to him which felt good, I’m trying to not let him own me” “good, you’re better than him anyway.” I smiled a forced smile thinking of yesterday and how small I felt to the creature and his presence. I nodded and said a quick goodbye before rushing to my fourth hoping for my day to end fast. The drive home was filled with silence as I watched the road in front of me, protecter of what? Was Ava saying that THAT creature was supposed to be a protection god, I remember reading an article about protection gods. According to mythology they were supposed to be specific to certain types of things but often would have cases of them getting attached to certain objects or groups that had celestial value or power. If the legends are true, why would he be here? Arriving to my room I dumped my bag out and found my sketch, I eyed it before grabbing my phone and calling Ava. “Hey dude what’s up?” “Where was that creature we were talking about from?” “Oh that guy lemme check, it says it’s from Europe it’s a English god to be exact, which is weird because England was a Christian area but whatever. Why?” “Oh just curious, I kinda wanted to do more drawings and research it more” “oh cool! It’s name is chosantóiran I think it means protector, it’s Irish descent but the legend was strongest in England.” “Huh, thank you so much Ava.” “No problem dude, let me know if I can help with anything else” I said a goodbye and hung up, I stared at my wall “chosantóiran.” I now have my name, now to find the beast. A WEEK LATER The school week had passed and fall break was among the masses, horns honked, kids cheered, and my classmates discussed the final plans to their senior trips. I looked down at my shoes and thought, about my senior trip plans. Hunting a legend, he was out there and I didn’t care if I was going alone. I knew I was gonna find something. Behind me Lauren talked and Grady replied, “Hannah, earth to Hannah.” I snapped out of my daze and looked back smiling apologetically. She smiled and patted my shoulder,” get some beauty rest and relaxation for the break, and call us to hang out, you need to heal.” She patted my shoulder again and walked off waving. I looked back at the ground and gasped, sat in a puddle of crystal clear rain water was a singular golden eagle feather. Picking it up I examined it, it was way too big to be a normal eagle feather. My target was watching me. The following days consisted of endless computer research and writing, but, just enough downstairs time to not make my parents suspicious. “You know Hannah, I think you’re doing quite well considering what’s been going on.” My dad said over Monday breakfast, I habitually got up early to prepare for a day of studies but was met with my father putting food in my face and giving me a hefty amount of black coffee. The gesture was kind, so I took it. “Yeah I guess, just keeping occupied with much better things.” I replied before taking a bite of egg smothered toast. “Work is always good.” He then stood up and placed his plate in the sink before patting my shoulder and leaving for work. I stared at the door before I ate the rest of my food and moved to my room. My desk was covered in papers and sticky notes, I looked at them closely. I can’t truly find answers until I go to the beast itself. Piling my papers together and putting them in a neat pile I got out some gear before hopping in the shower and washing up. Hopping out and changing I heard my mom walk up the short staircase to my room “whatcha doing?” I turned to her and smiled, “I’m thinking of going on another hike today at round lunchtime, is that okay with you?” She nodded and then crossed into the laundry room to fluff the latest load. I sat back at my desk and wrote plans and side plans. The clock beeped and it was time. I packed a small bag and bid my mom goodbye and promised to be careful. I smiled while getting in my car, strict parents never failed in their habits. Driving to the spot was easy enough, finding the creature would be the hard part. I must have walked the woods for three miles never once feeling or hearing a sign. Then an idea bloomed. “chosantóiran” I chanted. The air changed, I chanted two more times and then another for good measure. Still no more signs but at least the air seemed different. I walked further and then I heard it a crunch. It sounded far but then another followed just behind me. I turned and saw nothing, turning back I was met with eyes. The green blue eyes of him. I felt my soul lift again but before I could run or be caught in a dangerous trance I shook my head and stared back attempting to give off the power he had. He tilted his head curiously and almost playfully. I felt humiliated, before I could give into instinct and run, he shifted. He stepped closer to me, he snuffed and then put his powerful nose into my air and sniffed. Leaning back the creature sneezed and blinked. “Glad I smell like shit.” He blinked again before I saw his skin shift again, I gasped. The skin then stared to shift and shrink. The creatures body balled up and changed. Wings disappeared and paws turned into hands. Slowly standing up, I saw my death. His eyes were the same, but his body was not, he was averagely tall, not too tall but taller than me, he was muscularly built, he had a strong thick beard that seemed well trimmed, his hair was brown and shaggy yet slicked back, his lips were plush and pink like the visual representation of temptation, he stood with an air that said sureness but still was gentle and non intrusive, finally his smell was the same as before but stronger and with a hint of musk. He was a masterpiece, I felt weak in my knees, then he spoke. “Why are you coming back to me?” A deep British accent that seemed aged like whiskey in an oak barrel. I felt my throat close but my mouth water. He raised his eyebrows, “oh, sorry, I just..... was i don’t know.” He tilted his head, his eyes held understanding yet patience and warmth. My knees got weaker. “You’re an interesting human, your soul is so powerful.” I nodded “sure, coming from a literal god” he chuckled and looked at his feet, “to humans im a god, to the other gods im simply a beast. My name is actually Mullen. The other name was just part of the tale.” I nodded and smiled, “my name is Hannah, my name is just, my name.” He chuckled, “ that’s what I like about humans, they get to start without a story.” I nodded and sat on a log. Minutes of talking turned into hours and eventually I had to go home, his eyes held sadness but understanding. I was sad to leave him but I didn’t want to face the wrath of missing dinner so I headed home. My evening later was filled with random moments of smiling and thinking back to the conversations we held so strongly. The vivid memory of us climbing and tree together and his body being close to mine for only a few seconds. I’m in trouble now.

[acoolguyscoollife]

Chapter 12: Prep Time

Cool Guy

Seeing the rebels gearing up for the war was a worrying situation, to say the least. A lot of weapons were being grabbed, crudely made swords and clubs being most of what they could make. Some of the higher-up colours had magic weapons, barely able to maintain them for extended periods, but still preparing to use them, training by attacking trees and other objects. The entire village had geared up, and now it was just the leader who they were waiting on. The leader who, at this exact moment, was talking to use while glancing sideways at them.

“I’m not sure if they realise how unlikely it is for us to win this battle.” He said simply, once again looking back at them. “I don’t want to lead them to their deaths.” As much as part of me wanted to help, the reality of Tabitha’s explanation of the simulation made it incredibly difficult to act.

“People die in wars. You need to reconsider what you’re going to do here, before it becomes too late to act.” I said, with Seth nodding next to me.

“What do you propose I do? They’ve purposefully cast us out, in order to benefit nobody but themselves. We can’t do anything here.” The leader clearly wasn’t happy, but I had to admit, there wasn’t much of an alternative. Civil discourse had long since stopped being an option. “Our people don’t intend to fight to kill, and neither will theirs. People will die, yes, but not as many as other wars will cause.” The leader said, but I could tell nobody believed it. Seth turned to me, making sure that the leader wouldn’t be able to hear us speaking.

“Remember Peacekeeper, that game where you play as a riot cop?” Seth asked me, and I nodded. It had been a VR game, nowhere near like what I had thought the simulation had been, but according to the reviews, it had been pretty damn close to reality. “We 100%ed that game on the hardest difficulty, do you think it’d be as easy to do here?” I had to think for a moment. I mean, there had been no weight to our movements in the game, since there was no haptic feedback, one downside of virtual reality. That being said, Seth had a habit of working out, and I had been doing Kendo for a while. In theory, it was possible, but I didn’t think we’d be much more than just two more fighters.

“I’ve not seen any other guns down here, weirdly enough, so you’d have a distinct advantage. But I probably wouldn’t.” I replied, taking a quick look at my sword. Sheathed, it’d be quite close to the wooden blade I was used to using, and those things could hurt like hell if used right. “You can’t shoot to kill, though, and I thought people were trained to shoot at center mass?” I pointed out, and Seth thought for a second.

“I was never trained, all I know about shooting I got from video games. Doesn’t really translate very well, but…” Seth paused. “Wait, that does mean shooting the bigger target would make more sense. Shit.” He grasped his chin, eyes looking off at nothing in particular. They widened slightly as he started to pay attention again, glancing around and stopping someone who was walking past. “Hey, if I gave you something, would you be able to replicate it in bulk, but with different materials?” The man Seth had stopped thought for a moment. He was one of the builders, doing things very similar to what Amy had been doing, except at a much slower pace.

“I believe so, why?” The man asked, and Seth took the magazine out of his gun, removing a round and handing it over, as well as the magazine itself. It was a standard 7 round magazine, chambered in… god, I had seen the gun before but I couldn’t tell you what it was.

Seth

It was a Colt 1911, .45 ACP chambered. Worn, old, but reliable, modified with a custom grip and finish. It felt versatile in my hand, and was easy to unload and reload, as well as unholster.

“I need as many of these bullets, except made entirely from rubber, as you can. I also need as many magazines as you can make, but those can be made out of whatever, as long as it’ll fit the gun and won’t break anything.” I told the man, and he nodded, taking the items off of me.

“It’ll be a few hours, but I’ll get them to you before the battle begins.” The man responded, and I gave him a nod before turning back to CG. It was go time, now or never, and I had a few ideas.

“Okay, game plan time. As much as you’re the de-facto leader of our group, I think I should be the one to plot out what we’re going to do.” I spoke before CG could interrupt, and while he objected slightly and pouted, I knew that he preferred not to responsible for this. I’d known him long enough to know that the less responsibility he took, the less he’d be blamed when shit inevitably went south. I looked around for a sheet of paper or something, and settled with a piece of tent that nobody was using anymore, grabbing a piece of charcoal and beginning to scrawl on it.

“Judging from how long we took to get over here on foot from the castle, I would say that the two groups, if they set off at the same time, would meet in the forest.” I began, doodling a forest, a tent, and a small castle at specific points. “But that’s assuming we all leave at the same time, which I have my doubts about. The castle guards seem keener to hold out their position than actually advance on the rebellion, which, honestly, is kinda strange.” CG stepped forward then.

“It’s preventative measures to protect the castle itself, literally. If the rebels reach the king, he’ll fight back, and when he does, the entire land’s going to be razed.” CG said, and I couldn’t help but scowl at him.

“And this is info you chose to only tell me now?” I said, exasperated.

“Well usually the protagonist takes him down, but this is the course of one of the bad endings. The player wins, but at the cost of a lot of lives.” CG replied, taking his own tent piece and charcoal and drawing on it. “There’s five separate paths that can be taken for a unique ending, and right now we’re on the second worst.” He had drawn five lines, all branching off from one main line. “We could only have done worse if we’d actively been trying to kill everyone.”

“So we’re screwed?” I asked, but he shook his head.

“Not necessarily.” CG replied, drawing a line that linked two of the other lines. “There are parallels between this ending, and the second-best ending. In that ending, the King unleashes his power, but the rebels and the palace dwellers have united, and take him down with minimal casualties.” CG grinned as he looked up.

“When do we make the choice to unite the two?” I asked him.

“Oh, way sooner than this.” CG said, completely deadpan. It took all of my energy to not make him eat a piece of charcoal.

“Then why bring it up?” I questioned, and he grinned again. It was kind of getting annoying.

“Basically, the war keeps going because you can’t convince them to stop after one side kills a member of the other side. Despite the player’s best efforts, it’s impossible to do. Specifically coded that way.” He said, still grinning, though I wasn’t seeing why yet. He was awfully chipper, making it clear he knew something I didn’t.

“I’m confused, how is that a good thing?” I said, not able to really ask much more. It was tiring playing 20 Questions.

“Because one person alone can’t stop them.” CG began, drawing a stick figure on his paper. “But we don’t have just one person.” He doodled three more stick figures, then added additional features. Multiple dots on the face of one, and a crude little gun in his hand. Another had wide-rimmed glasses that expanded past the face. The third had a small ponytail, and the fourth had very intricate looking sunglasses.

“Do you think we’ll be able to do it? Even magic and guns aren’t much of an advantage against a LOT of people with guns.” I asked, and he nodded, and I had to admit, this time the grin was infectious. I was actually starting to believe we could do this. There was just one small problem.

 Amy

“Where the hell are we!?” Tabitha yelled, and I couldn’t answer. The skeletons had ended up getting us way more lost than I thought they would, and apparently, we were walking in circles now, according to Tabitha’s thingymajigger that pointed us in the direction of the guys.

“I dunno, man.” I replied, because what else could I do? “Can’t you magic us over there or something?” For a moment, Tabitha glanced over, as if to respond. Then she paused. I was beginning to think she had actually become a computer at some point, one which had now frozen after years of working fine, but she blinked and I knew that at the very least, background processes were running.

“Theoretically.” She replied finally, tapping away at her watch. “In fact, it should be fairly easy to shift our positions in the world. We just need to make sure we’re not going to teleport into anything.” Tabitha was barely paying attention to me at this point.

“Can you survey the area?” I offered. Quick shake of the head in response. Seeing no other choice for me, I sat down on a rock and began to contemplate existence. The important questions, like why are we here and why have we still not eaten anything yet? Looking down at the plant life, I had a thought about my powers, and decided to swap sitting on the rock for using it as a kind of workbench. I grabbed a random assessment of different objects, trying to think back to what I remembered from science classes. See, I knew that everything, at its core, is made up of the same base elements. Or something like that. So, in theory, I could turn these basic things into more advanced stuff, potentially food. I placed my hands over them, watching the energy dance in the space between the two. Now, to change them into something I knew. Bread was simple enough, just yeast and… stuff. Eh, plants had to be the same on some level, right? I closed my eyes, partially to be either surprised or disappointed, and partially because seeing dirty ground sticks turn into delicious bread would be kinda gross.

“Whoa, that was… impressive.” Tabitha said, causing me to open my eyes. When I focused my energy, I lost track of time a little bit, but when I opened them again, I was surprised by what was in front of me. It wasn’t just one loaf, but multiple. They were even steaming, which was a surprise. “Cooked and everything, that’s… wow. You’re a natural at this.” Usually, Tabitha would respond to surprise with a single raised eyebrow. Right now, both were raised, along with her mouth open. It was like, the greatest positive affirmation that I could have ever gotten. We both took one in our hands, biting into them, and thankfully the taste was as good as the look. Freshly baked, with a hint of spices and sweetness.

“What do now?” I asked, mouth full of bread. Tabitha raised her free hand in response, shooting a giant flare of fire into the air. I glanced up at it, and watched as it exploded into the words rebels please come get us.

“Might seem like a trap, but screw it, I’m completely willing to throw caution to the wind.” She responded casually. “This is some good-ass shit.”

[epicurioustraveler]

March 6th – I sit now beneath the balcony where my Yuneec Breeze lies after an unfortunate crash that most likely ended it’s all too brief life. Roughly 48 hours ago I planned one last flying mission for my drone here in Sevilla before departing to Cordoba, where I wanted to capture some great aerial shots of the famous Mezquita and Cathedral there. The missions we accomplished the night before the crash of the Catedral de Sevilla (uploaded later that night at the hostel) and earlier on Saturday were fantastic. From my viewing screen I had captured excellent footage of Plaza de Espana as the clouds had just broken and the sun was shining brightly onto its impressive tiles and towers. Our second mission of the day, well, it did not go, at all, as planned.

Here is how it unfolded. Upon take off, as the pilot, I had no control. Luckily, the Breeze did rise to its liftoff height of roughly 7′ and that is when all went to hell. The Breeze banked to the right for a split second and then immediately banked to the left at what seemed like Mach 1 (my preset speed was no more than 12 feet per second). It did a semi-circle and approximately 50 meters later it met its demise, slamming into an apartment building wall. Ridding itself of one of its folding legs, it’s undercarriage and the GPS protective cover, it fell violently to a canopy protecting patrons sipping their lattes and eating pastries. As for what remains on the balcony, I wait for the landlord to arrive so I may pick up its remains and properly grant it a worthy burial (in the trivial sense.

My Breeze treated me well, mostly. Only crashing in Ireland (but that may have had more to do with the pints I consumed leading up to that accident) before the horrible mishap on Saturday that in all likelihood has led to its demise.

Update: 

March 29th – My Drone is now en route to Atlanta where it will find its final resting place when I return to the states in the coming months.

Purposefully, I never completed and posted my March 6th post (above) for I needed time to properly communicate this story of both a material and human life, as well as human death. So now back to the day the drone would once again be in my possession.

As I sat outside the cafe on March 6th and a mere twenty feet beneath the resting place of my drone, the lady who owned the apartment showed up with her daughter (the one I began having most communications with as she spoke much better English) to let me in. Her daughter was in her early 30’s I imagine and the mother in her late 60’s perhaps. They were quick to apologize to me for their lack of responsiveness and for any inconvenience to me for my having to come back to Seville from Cordoba. I immediately stopped her and said, “Please. You shouldn’t apologize. I was the one that flew my drone into your building and crashed it onto your apartment balcony. Trust me, I am extremely appreciative you are able to come by and help me. Muchas gracias!”

The mother, who I had originally communicated with, offered me an empty smile weighed down by sadness in her eyes. I could read in her body language that she was going through something hard at the moment but obviously unsure of what it was that was depressing her. Quickly discussing something in Spanish, the daughter mentioned that they were in a hurry, as was I. My bus to Malaga was departing at 15:00 (and it was now 14:20) and I still had to make a 20 minute walk AND purchase my ticket. Looking up at the balcony, they wanted to make sure it was their apartment unit where my drone had landed. There unit comprises three huge balcony doors and my drone was on the far left (far right facing the exterior) balcony. As we proceeded to the front door of the building I did not expect to hear the news that was about to be revealed to me. She began telling me that the reason they had been unresponsive was due to the fact that her father (Reyes’ husband) had passed away 10 days ago. Making our way up the stairs to the unit she also disclosed that neither her nor her mother had visited the apartment since his passing. I was so shaken by this sad news that any frustration I had felt, from having to return to Sevilla or to their unresponsiveness to my texts and calls, melted away at that very moment inside the stairway corridor. For these two sweet women to even correspond with me during such a difficult time was extremely gracious of them.

Adding a bit of humor to the otherwise melancholy situation, the daughter asked with a smile, “I hope you are not afraid of animals.” My initial thought was, “Please don’t tell me that her father had a dog, cat or some other pet inside that hadn’t been attended to in 10+ days.” I began thinking, “Should I hold my nose and pull an Elaine Benes (‘the fleas/fumigation Seinfeld episode – “The Doodle”) and have to run in, open the balcony door, gather my drone along with any broken pieces and exit before being hit with the stench of a dead animal?” But, my response to her was, “no, not at all.” Her beautiful smile gave way to her saying, “Good, because my father was an avid hunter and there are trophy animals all over the apartment.” That was an understatement. She wasn’t teasing. Good Lord! It was an impressive collection. For all the animal activists that might read this I will not offer insight into what animals there were that adorned the interior walls, but there were some I don’t think I had seen on anyone’s walls previously. With this information now hanging out there, she told me that the apartment wasn’t lived in but rather it was her father’s office. This was one incredibly nice apartment. To also serve as her father’s office overlooking the beautiful Metropol Parasol, had to make for a pleasurable working day.

As the balcony door opened, I felt a kind, gentle and loving spirit ride the waves of sunlight that beamed into the apartment for the first time over those 10 days that it sat undisturbed. In my opinion, the unit was wanting to relieve itself of the stale energy of the past that rested inside and needed to find its way to the heavens. These loving rays kissing her face, let her know that everything was as it should be in the spirit world with her father. I think it was good for her to enter the apartment that day and be the first one her father’s spirit met.

“Take your time,” she said. I responded, “I have burdened you enough so I will be quick.” I gathered the mostly still intact body, placed it into its carry case and thanked her for allowing me inside to retrieve it. We exited the apartment and out to the plaza where her mom was waiting for us. I thanked them in both English and Spanish. Thankful that even through the troubles of the world and the sadness in each of our lives that occurs, there are still amazingly great people who display a warm and gracious heart, willing to help others.

Now, what I haven’t yet told you is the good, no, best news of this entire story. There is a happy ending which its genesis lies in a new beginning for her family to share joy in together. Upon initially arriving to meet me, she was pushing a stroller and told me that the reason they had not called or texted me earlier in the day was because they had been at the hospital for her newborn baby daughter’s check up. As fate would have it, just days prior to her father’s passing away from cancer (of which she told me he met the illness bravely & courageously), he was granted a final gift. To witness his granddaughter enter the world in the same hospital where he happened to be spending his last days on earth. As her family was about to lose a life so valuable and precious to them, the circle of life would also grant them the greatest gift it provides. Life!

Her daughter, his granddaughter, was a beautiful little girl. Smiling at me as I peered at her resting softly in her stroller, I said to the new mother and to the widow who just lost her husband, “As sad and difficult as it must be to lose a father and a husband, as one life ends another beautiful life is born and it is embodied in your precious new daughter and lives on with your family!” They each smiled, which I know was very hard for them both, especially the widow.  “Very true. Thank you so much. I hope you can retrieve the pictures from your drone and let me know if you are able to” she said with a smile. The widow simply smiled at me, her eyes filled with understood sadness.

We said goodbye and I hurried to the bus station. But I had forgotten something! I had to memorialize this moment. So I ran about 100 meters to catch them and I asked, “I forgot to get a selfie with you. Do you mind?” They had no problem posing for a picture.

Below is the correspondence that occurred over the next couple of days between us. As you can see, she thanks me for being considerate. But it is I, who am extremely grateful to her and her mother for their consideration to extend help to me. The world is still full of love and this is just one simple demonstration of that.

(March 8, 2017) Me: Hola! Muchas gracias for meeting me on Monday to get my drone. I’m so sorry for your loss but very happy for the beautiful baby girl you welcomed into the world.

I was able to salvage the video and pics from the drone! Thank God! I now am going to try to get it fixed in order to fly again. Again thank you so much! You were very gracious and considerate! God bless you!

(March 11, 2017) Reply to me: Hola! Thank you so so much for texting and being that considerate! It’s amazing (and weird these days) to find people such grateful. It’s a relief to hear that you got the videos and pics from the drone! Thank you for letting us know because we are very glad about that!!Again, we are sorry for not having made it easier to contact us and get your drone back sooner! My dad loss has been the worst experience in my life, but there is room in this world for beautiful things like saving the drone of somebody you don’t know and receiving a blessing back from his polite owner! So thank you for that and God bless you too!

(March 12, 2017) Me: De nada! Thank you for your kind words. You and your mom were the blessing for sure. I’m sorry you are grieving, I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose your father. Mine had a heart transplant 12 years ago and God afforded my family a new lease on his life. I’m eternally grateful for that blessing. We never know what each day holds so i cherish every moment that he is here.

Have a great Sunday and again Muchas gracias por ser tan amable y generoso! Dios te bendiga!

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 The Sevilla drone pictures salvaged from the wreckage, thankfully.  #gallery-0-10 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-10 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-10 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-10 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

Catedral de Sevilla

Catedral from Alcazar

Puente de Isabel

Plaza de Espana – aerial of me at fountain

Plaza de Espana – close up aerial of me @ fountain

DCIM100MEDIABreeze_17

My Drone, A Story of Life and Death March 6th - I sit now beneath the balcony where my Yuneec Breeze lies after an unfortunate crash that most likely ended it's all too brief life.