#normally my gender doesnt change this drastically from day to day but here you go xD

[mitamicah]

You know what is funny? I think the last two days really have shown me how fluid my gender really is (for the curious I actually identify as a subcategory of genderfluid called boyflux but it is way too niche so I normally say trans or transmasc)

This was the outfit I felt comfortable wearing yesterday

And this is what felt most right today

Bear in mind the crop top gave me strong gender dysphoria yesterday since I didnt feel masc enough in it - today i dont care at all and went even more femme than even that xD

In short; yesterday was masc day and today is androgyneous/genderless 🤣

(Psa: your gender expression doesnt have anything to do with your gender identity so I you relate to my experience but for instance feel like your gender identity is solidly male or female that is valid as well ^_^ )

[literaphobe]

hi michelle! so want to start saying that i identify as bi and honestly, I would LOVE it if jake was bi. I think it'd be great. But i'm also okay if he's not, bc how cool is it that they're allowing a man to break down traditional gender norms/roles! i think one of the greatest parts of loving a show like b99 is that it lets us escape the 'real world' for twenty minutes every week. and that means something different for every person watching the show. 1

SO while i believe you are entitled to your own opinions, and you can share them on your blog bc it's yours, i don't think its fair to invite people to share their opinions but shut down anyone who feels differently than you. for example, you said to someone who said they didn't care if jake was bi that you hope they 'get well soon'. also, you posted saying that if bi people didnt want jake to be bi then they're wrong. im sorry but thats really hurtful. you dont get to decide how people think 2

just bc someone feels differently than you doesnt make their feelings less valid, ESPECIALLY someone who identifies as lgbt+. you run a popular blog and it makes me sad to think people might feel their opinions are less valid or wrong bc they see it here. again, im not saying you cant have opinions or post them. but maybe just think about how your words can affect others. also saying this off anon bc i respect you and am open to having a conversation. Thanks for reading, hope u have a good day

hi. thank you for ur mannerly tone and for having the courage to go off-anon.

mlm/bi representation will always be more important than ‘straight man comfortable with his sexuality’. while i am not saying that straight men in media shouldn’t be portrayed as comfortable in their sexualities, the stance that it’s okay to take away representation from people in the lgbt community as long as we have Good Hets is harmful, and it gives people in the tv/movie industries a cop out. they don’t have to give us more lgbt characters! straight characters who Know What’s Up are good enough to make them seem woke and avoid criticism! and whether you’re comfortable with this happening as an lgbt has nothing to do with it. we have to hold the media accountable, we can’t just settle for less. whether you want to watch b99 uncritically or not is entirely up to you. i get that it’s exhausting to analyze the media content you consume! i more than understand just wanting to escape and not ask for more! it’s tiring! it’s draining! it’s disappointing, it hurts so much and it gets so so lonely. but we can’t just let the world stagnate. progress needs to be made constantly, and shows can’t be made to feel like they can just do one or two good things and not be expected to do anything else! i’m not asking you to fight for this, i just want the acknowledgement that this is the right thing to do

i didn’t exactly... invite anyone to say anything. i truly am just sending my thoughts out into the void. and yes, i am aware that my words reach a wider audience because i have a larger than average follower count. of course i know my words can affect others. that’s what i’m trying to do. aside from getting thoughts out my brain, i want to promote a less passive line of thinking. i want lgbt folk to want better for themselves. unfortunately, because words and actions have responses, people will climb into my inbox and start conversations that i inevitably have to take part in (sometimes i don’t though. it really depends on where my head’s at that day. having to discuss this repeatedly is draining). most of the time, i’m just making a statement

i don’t particularly enjoy “shutting down people who feel differently from me”. usually, if i’ve done that, i really am tired because i’ve likely discussed and explained numerous times whatever it is the person who got shut down said to me. i might also come off as mean-spirited or perhaps aggressive if i know some anon is just trying to pick a fight/spew hate at me. if you don’t understand where i’m coming from/don’t believe why having an opposing stance is harmful (this might vary depending on the issue), i am (given i have energy that day) more than willing to elaborate on whatever it is i say here. if i say stuff like ‘get well soon!’ it is a tired response to something i have already covered in depth and i am making some semblance of a joke to deflect/put a lid on the stuff i really want to say (likely because i have already said it) 

i never said that bi people who didn’t want jake to be bi were wrong. i was trying to get them to think deeper and explore why they don’t want that. being lgbt sometimes means that we allow and normalize a lot of unfair treatment. we think that we have it good enough so we decide not to ask for more, to settle. and i will never blame any lgbt for falling victim to this line of thought. we were brought up to think this way, we were conditioned to think this way. acceptance does not equal inclusion, and sadly many of us are so grateful for the acceptance that we do not bother to even think about having inclusion. or, better inclusion, for that matter. of course, it is definitely not up to me to decide how anyone thinks. i’m just trying to convince you! very desperately. but if you don’t agree no matter what i say then what can i do? it’s your life. it doesn’t affect me much in the grand scheme of things. i’m not going to hate you for disagreeing. i’m not going to sic the dogs on you. am i going to be kind of annoyed if someone walks into my inbox, turns on anon, and hurls insults at me? yes, that’s hurtful, and it’s kind of funny sometimes depending on how dumb you sound, but it’s mostly tiring and a lot of pain. so like... read, if u don’t like it, move on, if your well-being is drastically affected from reading the things i say, i’ll tag it so you can blacklist 

the sad thing is, being a member of the lgbt community doesn’t automatically make your opinions on lgbt issues valid/unproblematic. internalized homophobia exists. things i described in the point above can lead to this. just because a bi person says ‘im bi! and i don’t care/don’t think bi jake is important!’ doesn’t mean that suddenly, there is no need for him to be canonically bi, that we aren’t being queerbaited/pandered to by the show. do i think that the show is intentionally/heinously queerbaiting us? not exactly. but lack of awareness and lacking understanding on why bi-coding jake w no intention to make it canon is just as harmful bc it produces the same result (in jake’s case)

once again, i don’t intend for people to feel “less valid/wrong” when they read what i have to say on this blog. self-reflection is important. sometimes, people have opinions that are wrong! including myself! which is why more often than not i think deeply into the things people say to me here and consider whether my opinion holds up. you don’t have to feel bad for being wrong. we are all constantly wrong on stuff. everyone, at some point, has had a bad take/the wrong take on something. if you hold yourself up to this standard that you must always be right or you are suddenly a horrible person/must feel bad and demoralized, i suggest that you change your approach to issues such as this. i hate to say this but it is not my job to make sure everyone is 100% cool and chill about everything i do and say here. some things need to be said. some things need to be acknowledged. i’m sorry if any of you have been hurt/upset by anything i’ve ever posted but after a certain point... that is your issue and not mine 

[langstexmachina]

yoyoyo

so im planning on writing a chaptered fic and i went to go make an account on ao3 bc what self respecting vld fic writer doesnt publish on ao3? but guess what i learned

Y O U   C A N T   J U S T   M A K E   A N   A O 3   A C C O U N T

so now im going to have to wait until the twenty-seventh so i can receive an invite to join kms but im not mad im actually super psyched.

im doing that orchestra headcannon that i had the other day so theres that

also this is going to be my first long fic that hopefully doesnt crash and burn like my other ones have mostly because im excited to write this one. i think thats the difference. like yeah when i was writing mcr i was excited bc who doesnt love gerard way? but this is the first fic that ive tried to write that im able to relate to completely. with my other long ones i only tried to write something that i thought i would enjoy reading which could have been divided into a few very distinct categories back in the day:

suicidal teen fem boy in distress

mental illness (mostly but not limited to depression and schizophrenia)

abuse (parental or relationship)

questioning gender identity/ gay in an intolerant household etc

or that shit where two people just couldnt communicate and they ended up going round and round through the same tedious problems and its the same plot told over and over and it literally never ended (looking at you amanda todd. After literally was my middle school everything but rereading it is literal torture. i hope your editor straightened that out when you published it oops)

SO thats what i had been working with and like dont get me wrong- it literally was what i was hella into when i was a kid. i loved reading about the fem boy who wanted to kill himself but met the boy of his dreams and flushed all of his blades. those fics about schizophrenia and stuff got me into psychology- something that i am now genuinely interested in majoring in. i still live for that gay shit. and number five was actual shit that i cant stand anymore but thats fine because we all grow up and change and are less problematic pieces of shit who no longer romanticize depression and suicide

(((side bar))) 

there is a difference between romanticizing depression, suicide etc. and using it in character development. i am a firm believer in the idea that we can and most definitely should talk about mental disorders in our writing. you dont need to be a medical professional to make a statement on depression, bpd, did, or any other disorder out there. you dont have to be experiencing a disorder to talk about it. hell i dont want anyone to go through that kind of pain man. but its totally important to integrate it into our media. especially today when everyone with a mental disorder suddenly has a thirst for blood and should be detained in mental asylums so they never hurt anyone in our perfect society!!!1!

i believe that society, today especially, has this innate need to separate themselves from anything  that isnt conventionally “normal”. they do this by dehumanizing anyone that they dont understand. then pinning them as the scapegoat in many situations

ie recently with mass shootings. instead of focusing on the obvious, literal weapon that is the genuine issue- the news turns focus and immediately- before anything was even verified- states that the shooter was a teen with a mental illness which sparked talk of opening homes to detain and keep “troubled teens” instead of focusing on the problem of the actual weapon that is actually killing actual people.

(((side-er bar)))

no i dont think we should take guns away completely. that would be stupid. in america? that shit would never get passed. but i do think other countries have it right. give people guns and regulate ammunition. anytime somebody wants to buy more ammo, they have to return the old magazine. this keeps people from stockpiling- drastically cutting down on mass shootings like the tragedy in florida

(which by the way i am totally urging everyone in school to participate in the walk out on the fourteenth. im not allowed to because my school will suspend me and i cant do that (mom’s words not mine) but if your school is in support of it or you dont mind taking the risk please please participate in the walk for our lives)

BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE POINT AFTER A LONG ASS TANGENT THAT REALLY I PROBABLY SHOULDNT TALK ABOUT ON HERE

like i was saying- yeah that stuff was fun to read but it was hard for me to write because i was either dealing with that shit and it hurt to talk about, or i totally couldnt relate to it enough to write about it.

but with this? oh babe orchestra is my everything. ive been playing in orchestras for nine years and the violin for sixteen. if theres anything that i know, its orchestra. and i love it. i want to write my own musical- including writing out all of the music. i fucking adore everything about string instruments (band we have to TALK)

so this is something i enjoy with characters that i love so its going to be good and im super excited and i really hope you guys will enjoy it.

- day